the empires s1 scene where lost emperor joey taunts shrub while she’s in the cage but it’s https://youtu.be/fktlkNNp8Mw

heyy Megan, I'm trying to do a character study on Anakin but im finding very limited information online. what do you think are some of his worst and best traits? his personality, humor and like his values? thank you so much,, hope you have a good day/night

omg hi!! thank you for asking me!!

*cracks knuckles* let’s get into it 

anakin skywalker character analysis

best traits:

intelligence, overall skill, curiosity 

anakin was building droids from scraps when he was a child. he spoke huttese and basic from a young age, as well. he’s an insane battle strategist, wonderfully skilled in battle/with a lightsaber, and incredible pilot! he can pick up new skills quickly, as well. i’m just gonna link this post by @chokemeanakin bc it just sums it up real nice.. but yes smart boy love him

compassion, capacity for emotions, empathy, understanding

anakin feels things deeply. i’ve talked about this a lot before lol. but yeah he is frequently in conflict over the sheer weight of the emotions he carries. further, as a jedi, this is not something his peers could relate to. but he always tries to be there for his friends and would do anything to ease their pain. and i think that anakin seeks to understand others. he’s spent so much of his life feeling alone and like no one related to him; he wants to know how other people work, feel, and think.

loyalty, friendship, caring

anakin is so fucking loyal to those he loves. and, tying into my previous point, he loves deeply. he cares, he always has. he treats droids as humans and forms attachments, even though they may be forbidden. he held onto that need for love, for connection even after he joined the order. and he would defend those he loves til the very end... 

selflessness, protectiveness, bravery

anakin would literally dive headfirst into danger to save someone he loves. he doesn’t care about hurting himself or honestly whatever happens to him, as long as those he cares for are safe. 

worst traits:

impulsivity, recklessness

i think we’ve all seen anakin be a bit impulsive at times... sometimes, he just doesn’t think everything through. this is especially clear when someone he loves is in danger. anakin’s lost so many people that when he’s faced with the threat of losing another, his judgment can become clouded. 

insecurity, jealousy, fear

anakin is frequently jealous, which stems from his insecurities. he was probably conflicted a lot; brought into the order as a young child and told he was the chosen one. the weight of the galaxy was placed on his shoulders and, yet, he was held back in classes as a padawan, he didn’t make rank (canonically). i think these things are what allowed palpatine to manipulate him; palpatine knew anakin was afraid, insecure, and, yet, arrogant (my next point dw). he tapped into this and because anakin and the council did not have much mutual trust (aside from like obi-wan), it was easier to get to him. especially because palpatine used anakin’s fear of losing padme and his unborn children to do so. fuck palpatine bro- 

arrogance

yes, anakin was insecure. yes, he was also arrogant. let me explain myself. he occassionally rushes into things without thinking, thinking he can handle them. i think a lot of this stems from being told he was the chosen one from such a young age. that title combined with his skill?! it makes sense he’d internalize it. i am now going to stop myself before i rant about how the gifted education system is a fuckfest. this is coming from someone who spent years in that program. anyway-

personality/overall rant about his life/motivations:

i think i summed up a lot of his personality within the best and worst traits because i got ahead of myself but im going to say some more!! i think a lot of anakin’s personality is dependent on his deep capacity for emotions. you can see that throughout ROTS, he was conflicted almost all the time. he grew up as a slave and all he wanted was to protect his mother. he built droids to help her and competed in podraces to tryand get them anything that could help. 

then, he was taken to the order. suddenly, all these amazing traits he has make sense!! but then the person who’s supposed to train him (qui-gon) dies after anakin’s only known him for a short period of time. anakin’s attachment issues are abundant (i don’t think i need to explain that one) so of course he grows close to obi-wan! but obi-wan was trying to be strong for anakin. even though obi-wan struggled himself with attachment, he tried to be strong and put up a front as a “good” jedi for anakin to look up to. while this was helpful, anakin probably just felt more conflicted, as no one in his life could relate to the bredth of emotions he felt. this caused him to be more introverted and withdrawn (i talk about that in this post)

then, he loses his mother, she dies in his arms. the only person he’d wanted to protect from a young age, who he left to join the jedi, dies in his arms. he blames himself for this, thinking he should have gotten there faster, should have done something more. he probably also blamed the jedi, to at least some extent. why do these powers matter if they can’t save the people he loves? i believe he acted out of anger, killing the tuskens, because (at least to some degree) of the jedi. instead of teaching him how to express his emotions (pain, fear, loss, grief, etc.), they train him. to some degree, he might think all he’s good for is these skills. so he acts out of anger, slaughtering them. 

and then finally he finds someone who loves him in the way he wants to be loved. padme stays by his side, even after he killed the tuskens. she sees the good in him and treats him as a man, not a prophecy. but once again, this motif of fear remains! he has to hide this love, one of the only pure and good things in his life! he has to live in fear every second of every day because, if the council finds out that he found happiness and love, everything is ruined. 

but then he starts getting the vision’s that padme will die. and not just padme, now his unborn children could die, too. the one thing he has that is good and purely his could now be ripped away. he knew he was helpless, knew there was nothing he could do to stop it by himself. the council isn’t that helpful, telling him to learn to let it go with the force. while that might help any other jedi, it just pushed anakin away. he would never be able to just surrender and let go to the force, not when the life of his entire family is at risk! 

and he finds palpatine, someonoe who has spent years trying to manipulate him. but palpatine is smart, he’s cunning. anakin didn’t know what the real intentions were and, truly, he probably didn’t want to know. he was blinded by his fear and if anything could save padme, he would do it. then the council try to get him to spy on palpatine. again, conflict. anakin’s loyalty is repeatedly questioned and pushed and prodded, he was probably so confused! he didn’t know who to trust. but, when you combine the current situation with his backstory with who he is and what he cares about, it makes sense why it all happened. 

this is what i mean when i say conflict. he was pulled in a million directions constantly. and we all know how his story ends and i don’t want to cry so i’m not gonna detail it...

also: i’m not saying any of this excuses all of his choices, but it does explain them.  

humor:

lowkey a dork

he is. and i love that about him. you can see this in the way he flirts with padme sometimes... like floating the pear to her and the whole “i don’t like sand” thing. he’s a fucking dork. can’t exactly blame him nor do i hold it against him! he didn’t have many close friends growing up and he was like pining for padme for years so it’s not like he spent that time creating a playbook

he’s also witty!

i think this comes with his intelligence; he’s witty and he’s quick. example: “general grievous, you’re shorter than i expected.” i mean he’s no sass-king obi-wan kenobi but anakin definitely can hold his own in a verbal sparring match! 

also i headcanon him as having horrible puns but loving them!

values:

love, friendship, connections

at his core, anakin just wants to find someone who understands him and his emotions. who can relate to him. he wants those connections; in fact, he actively seeks them out. love is a key part of his identity. i talk about this in this post about his love languages so imma just link it there!

success, validation

tying into his determination, anakin wants to do well! he pushes himself and i think he’s a perfectionist, too. you can see this in the way he holds himself as a general; he doesn’t slack off, doesn’t not care. he understands the responsibility he has in that role and he takes it seriously! and just in his overall skill level, even though he was a bit of a child-prodigy, he clearly spent a long time training. he probably also had some imposter syndrome going on and was constantly trying to prove his worth. 

----

uhh yeah i think i got everything?? yes?? he’s so complex and i legit love him immensely. doing character analysis for anakin is my favorite thing in the entire universe! if anyone has anything they want to add, please feel free!!

Getting to know Spiderboy: Chapter 16

Pairing: Peter Parker x OC (platonic) Genre: Friendship/ Adventure/ Family Story summary: Ten minutes. Ten minutes was all it took. She found his backpack in the alley and left before he got there. Now, before Peter knows it, Ned thinks he has a secret girlfriend and Spiderman has to be her kibble runner.

A/N: Flashback chapter. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers​

Catch up here

Manhattan - 1920′s

Renny couldn't believe it. It worked. It really worked.

Looking at a newspaper didn't really yield anything other than reiterate that she was in 1927.

"From a parallel world, you say?" The question was voiced in modulated tones. "And you believed it best to seek me out?"

Renny just nodded. She still couldn't believe it worked- what she did to get here. It was laughably simple.

If she really was in the Marvel universe, another prominent character in existence during this time would probably be Howard Stark. However, like Bucky and Steve, he would also still be a child. Approaching any one of them was out of the question. Their parents would never let them interact with some strange homeless urchin. She was a fifteen-year-old street girl with no connections whatsoever. For the past month, she'd done all she could to get some kind of job or something- to no avail. Her chance of survival if she continued to try to fend for herself was slim to none.

Who would be willing to house a teenager who had no records? Of course, she couldn't pull out a school ID card! The year on it alone would bring up questions. Who could she talk to without them immediately concluding that she was crazy and off her rocker? Someone who believed in parallel worlds and alternate dimensions, possibly magic and the manipulation of time...

She took a chance and went to New York City. It was 1927. Did the place even exist here yet?...

 177A Bleecker Street

 To her amazement and sheer relief, it was there. She was frozen in front of the building for several long moments as she took it in. The large, round glass window she could see on the upper floor. The distinct crisscrossing lines of bronze on glass were the most solid evidence of her bizarre situation that she could find so far. Taking a deep breath before she walked up the steps, she knocked on the door. Hesitant the first few times, but giving two solid knocks at the end.

Her voice was so soft, but she didn't want to seem crazy to the passersby on the street who might hear her. "I need to speak with the Ancient One." When nothing happened for a minute, she added a little more desperately, "Please." She breathed, "Please."

When sparks forced a circle beneath her feet, she held her breath and clenched her eyes shut, anticipating to fall like Loki, but there was only a rush of air and her feet never left the ground.

"You can open your eyes now." The voice was gentle.

Renny obeyed and found herself face to face with the Ancient one.

It was strange, sipping at tea while spilling her story to the woman in front of her. There was no one else in the receiving room while she talked.

"You say you come from a world that knows this world's future. How can you validate this?" The Ancient one asked at the end of Renny's tale.

"I… Can't you look into my memories or something?" The girl asked. "The things I know, the things I've seen… they won't happen for a long time yet. Years."

The woman hummed. She was familiar with the burden of knowing the future. She could look into it after all. "I could… but if what you say is true. It would be dangerous. Knowledge of the future is not something just anyone should have."

The little one, if she was telling the truth, knew things beyond even what she could see. Things that even the Sorcerer Supreme was not supposed to know. Also, in all her visions, she had never seen this girl.

Renny nodded, realizing the fault in her suggestion. She thought again… before remembering something. She gulped nervously.

"If I told you something… Something that no one knows but you. Would it help?" The young girl said carefully.

The Ancient One eyed her. Those pale eyes were assessing her, making her shiver. "It would…"

Renny looked around, feeling paranoid that someone was listening in on them. The Ancient One smiled. "There is no one who will hear," she assured.

The girl took a deep breath. "You're old… No one really knows how old you are or how many centuries you've lived. The reason you've lived for so long... The reason you're immortal… is because you draw your power from the dark dimension."

The woman's smile turned into a blank expression. "Have you come here to blackmail me with this knowledge and your knowledge of the future?"

"NO! That's not it!" Renny gasped and put her hands up. After a moment, she sat down, shoulders slightly hunched and her eyes downcast. "The whole time I was wandering the streets of Brooklyn, I thought that God made a mistake sending me back in time. I didn't have any idea what I was supposed to do. So I spent a month just wandering like a hobo. The day I met that little boy… Meeting Bucky changed everything…" She paused and took a breath.

"When I learned the truth of where I was, I found a purpose. I know all these things about the future. So far in the future that I'll probably die before I see anything happen." She straightened then, "I might be here because I need the time. I went looking for you because I think you're the one person who can help me. You're my best chance at preparing."

The Ancient One tilted her head in curiosity. "Preparing for what?"

Renny did her best to match the intensity of the woman's gaze, her own having the fire of determination.

"The future."

The Ancient one was not sure what to make of the girl who knocked at the door of the New York sanctum. However, she recognized the fire in the little one's eyes, her sense of purpose, her will to protect, and the sincerity of her words.

Though the Sorcerer Supreme did not fully believe the girl's story, she sensed her potential and grim determination. Other than that, in all her visions of the potential futures she did see, she had not once seen this girl. It was strange and intriguing. And of course, it was best to keep a close eye on.

Which is why the Ancient One decided to train Renny. The girl would be one of the youngest to start.

That was how the Sorcerer Supreme got her first potential proof of the girl's story.

The little one had an affinity for magic that was almost unnatural… rather, it was too natural. She immediately grasped the use of the sling ring to open portals, which often took even the best novice at least a few tries.

When it came to spells- harnessing the power from other dimensions to make magic… It was apparent that she drew in too much power. Like a raging river without a dam, it rushed through her body without any control. All sorcerers in Kamar Taj conjured spells that produced an orange, even golden glow. When the girl used magic, the sparks and arcane circles burned a bright white- a so-called combination of all colors. 

Renny's first attempt at a simple shielding spell almost killed her and the backlash injured several other novices and the instructor in her class.

When the Ancient One assessed the state of the girl, she was surprised to discover how easily any extra-dimensional power flowed through her. Even she as the Sorcerer Supreme had to exert conscious effort, however minimal, to pull power from other worlds. The little one attracted power to her, even unconscious.

This was why the Ancient One had searched through the artifacts and relics within Kamar Taj, as well as the sanctums, to find something to help the girl control the flow.

One week later, Renny had woken up in her assigned room with a pair of wide bronze cuffs on her forearms.

"I am glad to see you are awake." The Ancient One looked at her kindly, though her smile was a bit grim.

Renny sat up with some difficulty, her entire body feeling quite sore. "What happened?" She croaked, worry growing in her chest when she saw the woman's expression.

"Magical backlash. You nearly killed yourself and hurt several others."

"How?" The girl asked, scared and bewildered. "It was just my first try. I shouldn't have been able to use that much power… And I was perfectly fine with making portals with a sling ring, what was different?"

The Ancient One sighed, nodding at the other robed figure in the room. When the other person left and the door clicked shut, she turned back to the girl.

"I did not truly believe you at first… but… this incident may have helped to prove that you did come from another world."

Renny opened her mouth to say something, but the woman continued.

"You said that you are not sure how you were pulled into this one."

The girl shook her head, "No..."

The Sorcerer Supreme took a few steps toward the window in the room, looking out at the mountains of Tibet. "I believe that however you came to be here exposed you to the energies of numerous other worlds. That exposure altered your body's magical pathways to let them flow through you easily. This means that you also unconsciously pull in these energies to yourself. The forceful and abrupt change broke nearly every natural magical barrier in your body."

Renny ran her fingers over the wide metal bands on her arms, "Are these going to help?" Her voice cracked with nerves.

"Yes, little one. An artifact of Kamar Taj, the Vambraces of the Vishanti. To answer your previous question. When conjuring portals, the use of the sling ring helps to control and focus your magic for the one, specific purpose of conjuring a gateway. However, when it came to trying your first spell, you only had your body as a medium. You did not use any magical tool or artifact to assist you."

Renny nodded, getting the gist of it. The Ancient One continued.

"These vambraces control how much or how little magical energy enters your body. Unfortunately, until you learn to adjust the potency of the artifact, they currently block all magic. You will need to learn to modulate the energies you pull to yourself. It will be tedious, but you must find a way."

"It's that bad?" The girl gulped.

The Ancient One nodded solemnly. "You either learn and someday even part from the artifact, or you don't use magic at all and cut yourself off from any mystical energy, lest it slowly kills you."

The woman sighed and stepped closer to the girl's bed. "That much power, allowing it to flow in your body without modulation- the magical buildup within you will heal any injuries you obtain. It will most likely keep you from getting ill as well… However, it will make your body weak."

Renny blinked, the time she had spent on the streets before Kamar Taj coming to mind. Then, even when she had experienced a night of bone-chilling cold, or gotten soaked by the rain, she never got sick. But… there were times when she felt like she had no energy at all, or slept so long and so deeply and still felt somewhat tired afterward.

"The use of the artifact will at least give your body moments of respite from these energies. I am not sure… but depending on the way you find to control it, it can either mean a shortened lifespan or a lengthened one." The Ancient One intoned, pausing for a moment before she asked, "While you are still learning, however, you will increase the possibility of more incidents like this. It may very well kill you. Will you continue on your quest to master magic?"

The girl remained quiet and looked down at the grooves of the vambraces on her arm, tracing them with a finger. "Yes." Renny chuckled forlornly before again looking at the Ancient One, "When can I get back to training?"

Spirit. This girl definitely had spirit.

"Tomorrow. If you feel you are up to it."

Renny nodded firmly, a determined yet somewhat grim smile on her face.

So Renny continued her training in Kamar-Taj. She exercised her body practicing her martial arts with the other students, but when it came to the mystic arts, the Ancient One would take her on whenever she could.

The woman would let the girl practice only in the mirror dimension, where any backlash would not hurt others, except maybe, the girl herself. However, because the Sorcerer Supreme was such a prominent figure, she could not let Renny monopolize her time, no matter how much the woman wanted to help. So their one-on-one sessions were a bit limited. More often than not, Renny found herself alone in an isolated courtyard in the mirror dimension when a master was not free to offer their guidance in place of the Ancient One herself.

Renny's first few years in Tibet were the hardest. Learning to control the Vambraces of Vishanti was taxing on her body. Her first months were spent in and out of the infirmary, with days, even weeks unconscious, depending on the extent of another incident of magical backlash. It was only after almost a year of tedious training that she gained control of the artifact enough to allow a trickle of extra-dimensional energy in without completely deactivating the artifact or letting too much magic in that would cause herself harm. She could perform spells now, though her range was very much limited.

She still grew tired easily, though not as much as before, so she spent her downtime in the library, scouring for the spells she would need for the plan that she had formed.

When her control on the vambraces grew strong enough, she discovered she could now access the astral dimension. Using a trick she learned from Dr. Strange, she studied in her astral form while her body rested.

"You are advancing much in your studies, little one. And your grasp on the mystical arts continues to improve slowly but surely." The Ancient One said calmly as the two sipped tea in the receiving room of Kamar-Taj.

"I'm not such a little one anymore." Renny chuckled, running a hand through her much longer hair, before sighing. "I've really learned a lot here, and I thank you, but I've only found clues to what I need."

The woman looked at her curiously. "Oh? You've read through almost every book in the library."

"Not every book…" Renny answered softly. The woman looked at her slyly, and the girl knew that the Sorcerer Supreme knew what she was looking for. "The Book of the Vishanti."

The Ancient One looked at Renny sternly, placing down her cup of tea.

"I know it's a big request. But I think it might have the answers I need. The spells I need." Renny tried.

"The book has been passed down through generations of mages, even once possessed by the god Marduk before I became its keeper. What makes you think that I will allow you to simply browse it? In the years that you have spent as a sorcerer of Kamar-Taj, you have proven your loyalty and your desire to protect this world… but you have never told me of your plans in depth. Do not think I am ignorant of the time you have spent in the mirror dimension experimenting with runes and trying to create your own spellwork in secret."

Renny fidgeted, a little cowed by the Ancient One's tone. That was true… She'd never told anyone of her plans because of the thought of someone finding out what she knew.

But… she looked at the woman sitting in front of her. The Ancient One had trusted her and helped her every step of the way. Gifting her with the Vambraces of Vishanti, granting her asylum in Kamar-Taj and even training in the mystic arts.

"You are afraid…" The woman stated plainly.

"Yes." The girl whispered and took a deep breath… If she couldn't trust the Ancient One, who could she trust? She could not do this alone. "If I show you what I know, at least part of it… If I can convince you of my intentions… Will you help me?"

The Sorcerer Supreme looked to be deep in thought. She knew how the weight of knowing anything about the future was always burdensome. The girl was also terrified of letting anyone else know of her knowledge. Whatever she saw… it would burden her as well. Even more so as it was likely something beyond her scope of vision.

"Very well…" The woman conceded. "Know, however, that if I sense that anything is amiss, if I find out that you are untruthful, you will never ask about the book again."

Renny gulped. "Agreed."

---

Tags are open. DM me if you want to be added or removed.

@spiderkittene @livecheerlovedancing @weavulex​ @bethelnie-blog​ @tregua-oca​ @lagunaleonhart-blog @lenncola-blog @bsweet101​ @juju-jellies​ @ratherbereading125​ @marmosetta​ @eatallthefoodx3 @batgirl099 @kitt-86​ @johnnyinthemovies​ @downeyrobjr​ @halsteadssylviexx​ @calessa-black-things​ @queenofthefreezerbunnies​ @dolanmagcon5sos @ah2113​ @mariposa-macaroon​ @lola-bunny-00​ @freshjensenacklessherlockzonk​ @itsswizardry @sherlokid7

“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Ten

This is the final part of my series examining how Luther and Vanya address their own trauma, as well as the trauma of others. Here, I’ll share some thoughts I have after analyzing these two characters’ attitudes toward trauma, as well as some thoughts on fandom in general. If this is the first time you’re seeing it on your dash, you can catch up on previous installments here:

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five Part Six  Part Seven  Part Eight  Part Nine 

Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with this series for so long. I know I haven’t responded to all of you personally because I’m lame, but trust me—your support and positive feedback has kept me going. 

*********

Final Thoughts

Trauma Mentions Come Down to Quality, Not Quantity

Luther and Vanya are even when it comes to trauma mentions—11 each for addressing their own trauma, and 5 each for the trauma of others. However, in the first five episodes, nearly all of Luther’s mentions of his time on the Moon or his forcible mutation come when prompted by others. His early mentions of the Moon are neutral or positive, and he outright tells Allison he is not ready to talk about his mutation. In the sixth and seventh episodes, his unprompted mentions of the Moon are constructive—that is, he is bringing up his time on the Moon not to talk about how difficult it was, but as a means of saying “Hey, I might have a solution to our apocalypse problem.” One mention of his time on the Moon is used to validate Five, and the last mention of his forcible mutation is used to empathize with Allison. Contrast that with Vanya’s mentions of her childhood exclusion, which are often unprompted, wholly negative, and sometimes used as a means to divert attention from the topic at hand. 

There’s also the question of how much each character values a chance to talk about their own trauma over solving the problem at hand. When Diego finds Luther in the bar, Diego distracts him from his anger about his Moon mission with news that Allison is in danger. When Allison tries to distract Vanya from her anger over being left out by offering to fill her in on what she’d missed, Vanya outright refuses and lashes out at Allison before storming off. Luther might allow his own disillusionment to make him briefly give up on saving the world or anyone in it, but he is willing to push his own hurt feelings aside to save someone else. Vanya prizes a chance to vent about her own trauma above all else—even a chance to be included in the family dynamic, even if that inclusion comes by proxy. 

When it comes to the trauma of others, Luther tends to validate his siblings’ trauma, rather than invalidate it. He listens to Allison talk about her awful parenting and the fallout; he validates Five’s time alone in the apocalypse. Vanya doesn’t invalidate her siblings’ trauma, either (unless you count her referring to their training and ongoing abuse as playing, but that could also be a result of her being kept at a distance from them). She does, however, turn Allison’s trauma into patronizing comments and low blows; and when Leonard references his abuse, she doesn’t ask for more information. She’ll bring up her own trauma or say “I know,” but she stops short of empathizing. 

In other words, if you still think Luther is the one who won’t shut up about his trauma and goes around acting like he had it worse than anyone, I’m going to raise an eyebrow at you. 

Luther is Quite Empathetic—Just Not Toward Vanya

We see it most clearly in the scene in the basement, where Diego, Allison and Klaus are arguing for Luther to let Vanya go and Luther refuses. Luther is often portrayed in fandom as lacking empathy, but it’s clear he doesn’t. His empathy is simply not focused on Vanya. Luther’s empathy in the basement scene is with the victim, but fandom believes the perpetrator is more deserving. 

That isn’t to say he shouldn’t have empathized with Vanya. I believe that if Luther had empathized with both victim and perpetrator in that moment, he could have landed on a solution that would have benefited everyone. Maybe they could have decided to send Five in, have him get Vanya’s side of the story, and blink out when that was done or if she decided to attack him, and explain the plan to her through notes. Maybe they could have asked her a series of yes or no questions using a notepad, then deliberated over the specifics of letting her out. There are a number of solutions, and while there’s no guarantee any of them would have kept Vanya from exacting revenge or becoming enraged over something else once she was free, my point is that Vanya’s imprisonment was not caused by a lack of empathy on Luther’s part. It was caused by an abundance of empathy for Allison and a dearth of it for Vanya, which led to a false win/lose situation. Empathizing with both of them could have helped him land as close to a win/win as was possible. 

Vanya Could Have Prevented the Apocalypse 

All she had to do was take a deep breath, count to three, and ask a few questions instead of flinging accusations around. Fandom too often treats her agency as nonexistent and her eventual rampage as entirely the fault of others, but her own hair-trigger temper prevents her from learning key information that likely would have led her to pursue reconciliation rather than revenge. A calm response on her part in nearly any argument with her siblings might have set her on a different course and prevented her eventual snapping. This is especially true of her argument with Allison, where a calm response would have prevented the action that Luther sees as reason to lock her up. Luther has received much hate for how he handled this situation, but Vanya could have prevented it entirely. 

Allison Doesn’t Get Half the Credit She Deserves

Allison’s overtures of friendship toward Vanya are too often treated as a mean-spirited swipe at Vanya’s taste in men or as Vanya’s due, rather than as Allison going above and beyond. Yes, her initial lecture to Vanya was rude and uncalled-for, but I think she more than made up for it by seeking her out, apologizing, and taking her out for drinks. Yes, she took part in excluding Vanya as a child, but once she sees evidence on the security tapes, she makes every effort to treat Vanya as a sister. And Vanya rewards this, and every other gesture of peace after, with verbal abuse and swipes at her divorce. Through it all, Allison never responds in kind, never stops trying to convince Vanya she is in danger, and never stops blaming herself for Vanya’s behavior. 

If a sibling treated me the way Vanya treats Allison, I wouldn’t take them breakfast and apologize for being such a rotten sister. I’d write them off as toxic and move on. If I thought they were in danger, I’d work to try and ensure their safety from a distance; but I would avoid interacting with them as much as possible. Had Allison chosen to end contact with Vanya after her “Worry about your own daughter” remark, I would have considered it more than justified. 

Yes, Allison’s positive treatment of Vanya was often wrapped up with her criticism of Leonard. However, Allison is one of the most famous people in the world, a fact Vanya explicitly acknowledges. Had Vanya considered that Allison’s worries over her new boyfriend might stem from past experiences with stalkers, she could have addressed Allison’s well-intentioned concerns in a more empathetic, more constructive way. 

Leonard is a Manipulator, Not a Puppetmaster

He never commands Vanya to do anything, unless you count the moment when he tries to break through her catatonia by urging her to say she’s special. His methods are far more subtle than that. In the coffee shop scene, for instance, when Allison becomes a topic of conversation, he looks somewhat hurt and says, “I don’t think your sister likes me very much.” He doesn’t tell her to stop talking to her sister; he doesn’t tell her she’s not to be trusted. Rather, he plants the seed that Allison’s actions are borne out of petty dislike, rather than legitimate concern, which gets Vanya thinking negatively about her sister. Leonard doesn’t tell Vanya what to think, but he does push her thinking in a direction that favors his agenda. He doesn’t tell her how to act, but he does reward actions that further his plan and punish actions that hinder it. 

Leonard did not make Vanya cause the apocalypse. She was not his puppet; he did not have her under his command. He simply got rid of her medication and then guided her actions and attitudes to a point where she would lash out at her siblings of her own volition. Vanya was certainly being manipulated, but she had a say in whether or not to act on the thoughts Leonard’s observations brought to the surface. Her choices were influenced by Leonard; they were at no point dictated by him, and she bears responsibility for the things she has done. 

Vanya’s Abuse was Different, Not Worse

Vanya believes she had it worse than anyone, and too often I see fandom agreeing with this assessment because she was the only one left out. It’s true that Vanya was the only sibling robbed of her powers, excluded from the family dynamic, and outright told her existence didn’t matter. But Luther was the only one forcibly mutated without his knowledge or consent; Diego was the only one verbally degraded to such a degree that he shows concern for his brothers through shouting and body-shaming; Allison was the only one taught to disregard boundaries to such an extent that her own personal and professional success came to depend upon it; Klaus was the only one locked in a tomb with his greatest fear; Five was the only one who had to raise himself in an apocalyptic wasteland; and Ben was the only one who died. 

All of them went through hell. Vanya did not suffer more than her siblings simply because her suffering took place in a different zip code. 

Vanya Has Had More Help than Luther Ever Knew He Needed, but Luther is Expected to Do More with Less

I know there are those who take umbrage with this view, but I’ve shared it before and I’ll share it again: Vanya has had ten years to come to terms with her childhood trauma. She’s been to therapy, and her therapist was competent and sympathetic enough for her to recommend Five see her*. For a time, she had sympathetic attendees at her book readings. She might be working three jobs to pay for her apartment and apparently modest lifestyle, but all three of them are related to the music she loves. Her work feeds directly into her interests, which is not something most millennials can say. She has built a good life for herself, and she’s done it without the interference of her father or siblings. Even with all of this to distance her from her trauma and allow her to move on, she acts as if it all happened yesterday. This is not emotionally healthy and leads Vanya to harm others, as the show demonstrates time and again. 

Luther, on the other hand, has had three days to come to terms with being sent to the Moon for no reason. He’s had years to process his forcible mutation, but as I’ve pointed out before, he had no one to talk through it with him. No therapist, no friends, no siblings—not even a kindly parental figure, as these parental figures consisted of the man who mutated him, a robot programmed to never disagree, and a chimp with Stockholm Syndrome. Luther was left to muddle through on his own. When it comes to his Moon mission, he’s fared no better: the three siblings who have tried to help him process it are all trying to work through their own traumas and not much more adept at it than Luther is. They all helped in their own way, yes—Allison gave him a distraction, Klaus waved his arms in the air and begged him not to do what he did, Diego reminded him that there were more important matters in need of his attention—but none of them were able to give him the sort of counseling he desperately needs. 

Yes, Luther harmed his sister as well. He’s not innocent in this. But fandom constantly excuses Vanya’s mistreatment of Allison and her other siblings by pointing to her childhood trauma, yet insists Luther be well-adjusted enough to pick up on Vanya’s emotional cues and respond to evidence he doesn’t know exists when, for all he knows, she just tried to murder her own sister and is there to finish the job.  I think it’s time we stop treating That Scene™ like the moment Luther becomes a monster and treat it as the tragic irony it is. 

Luther and Vanya Form an Interesting Phenomenon

I first got into fandoms when I was a young teen, around the same time the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy was released. I spent a lot of time on LotR fansites, getting involved in RPGs and browsing proto-memes—really just photo albums of screenshots from the movies with lists of user-submitted captions below. (I still remember a few of the most clever ones.) After that, it was onward to Star Wars, and Danny Phantom, and the MCU and Harry Potter. I have seen characters revered and reviled, watched two people analyze the same character and come to wildly different conclusions. I’ve seen Draco prance about in his leather pants and watched Ron become a Death Eater. 

In all my years as a fan, I have never seen anything quite like the way this fandom treats Luther and Vanya. 

I’ve seen decent characters made out to be lazy, abusive, or just plain evil. I’ve seen unlikable characters made out to be wisecracking antiheroes. But when fandom twists a character to suit their own interests, it is typically the character’s own flaws or virtues that are exaggerated or ignored. 

This fandom is quite taken with Vanya—so taken with her, in fact, that her virtues are not only exaggerated but added to. Her attempt at comforting Allison and her return to the Academy after her sister’s apparent death are widely circulated and celebrated, yes, but not as rare moments of courage and selflessness from a typically self-focused character. Instead, they are held up as emblematic of who Vanya is as a person, and even more positive qualities are heaped upon her. Allison’s persistent kindness, Klaus’ empathy, Five’s relentless loyalty to his family—these traits were never Vanya’s, but they are given to her regardless and fandom pretends they have always belonged to her. 

Her flaws are not brushed aside, though. In many instances where a character is lionized to the extent Vanya is, those flaws would simply disappear; however, in this case, they are given to Luther. Vanya is no longer the one who constantly complains about her trauma, the one who treats her siblings’ suffering as an annoyance, the one who refuses to take responsibility for choices with results she doesn’t like; in fandom, Luther is saddled with these qualities despite many of his actions directly contradicting this characterization. Luther has moments of selfishness and apathy, yes, but he is not a selfish or apathetic character. Likewise, Vanya has moments of selflessness and empathy, but she is neither selfless nor empathetic. Yet in fandom, Luther is self-centered and numb to the emotions of others, while Vanya is kind and caring toward those who treat her poorly. 

In other words, fandom is so intent upon seeing Vanya as the sweet, blameless victim and Luther as the amoral villain that fans have transformed these two into entirely different characters. 

Fandom’s Warped View Does Real Harm to Survivors 

Widespread Luther hate causes harm to survivors of similar abuse, yes. In reducing Luther to a villain screaming about the Moon who hurts Vanya because he’s just a terrible person, fans make it that much more difficult for survivors of the unique sort of abuse caused by parental favoritism to speak out about their struggles, and can even lead to them being bullied for something they cannot help. This is wrong and should not be tolerated. However, there’s something more sinister going on here. 

I’ve spoken before about the widespread belief that child abuse results in better children, that it’s a sort of purifying agent that keeps children from becoming spoiled. And I’ve spoken about how it pertains to the common view that Vanya’s abuse made her kind and empathetic. I stand by what I said before, but I’d like to add that when this warped view of Vanya is paired with an equally warped view of Luther, the toxic message of abuse as a positive becomes downright radioactive. 

When we pretend that Vanya’s unusually severe abuse made her the sweetest of the bunch, and that Luther’s abuse-free childhood made him a monster, we perpetuate the narrative that abuse is not only positive, but necessary to keep children good and kind. 

Vanya is not the best of her siblings. Luther is not the worst. This series has examined Vanya’s more selfish and harmful actions and some of Luther’s more selfless and helpful ones, but I do not see Vanya as a villain and Luther as a hero. I don’t see it the other way, either. They’re both people, who had horrific childhoods and carry the scars of their pasts differently, going about their lives as best they can. Vanya’s past trauma does not justify the way she treats her siblings, and Luther’s past trauma does not justify the way he treats his. Their backgrounds are an explanation for their behavior, not a justification for it. 

Luther and Vanya are both broken. Maybe the damage can be repaired and maybe it can’t, but this fandom tends to romanticize the damage in one case and ignore or demonize it in another. And if there’s one thing I hope people take from this series, it’s that they’ll start seeing the damage in both cases for what it is. 

********

*Not always the case with therapists. Speaking from experience here. I’ve seen two over the years, and they both left me in a worse place than before.  

I Have the Capacity to be Just Like the Tasmanian Devil

A whirling mass of anger, wreaking havoc on the people around me. Sometimes, I feel just like that!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately. I truly feel that my Higher Powert is leading me into this conversation with myself. By exposing my character defects, my HP is compelling me to examine my part in feeling unwanted.

I remember standing on the playground in 5th grade. I was looking at the girls playing foursquare and the boys playing softball. My thought? "I don't belong...I don't fit in. I felt like I was on the outside looking in."

That feeling follows me into the AA/CMA rooms. Even though many people do greet me when I walk in, there are those who (for some reasons of their own...I can't presume to know what is going on in their lives!) choose to ignore me. Sometimes, it is a person with whom I have talked, exchanged texts with, or am Facebook friends. When those people ignore me, I go right into Tazmainian Devil mode.

Now, I don't do it outright. That wouldn't do. No, I do it quietly...to myself. I wish I could say that I don't know where these feelings of not fitting in come from. I wish I could feign ignorance as to why I get so upset when people (especially in the rooms) don't greet me in the way that I think they should. I wish I could say those things, but I can't. I know exactly where it comes from...

My father.

At the risk of sounding like Southern California pop-psychology, I have "daddy issues." I'm an only child and I was raised to please my father. When I would do exactly what he wanted (being obedient, getting good grades, etc.), he would shower love and praise upon me. But, woe to me if I disappointed him! Once, I came home with a C on my report card and the didn't talk to me for a week. He would treat my mom the same way. So, I learned a powerful lesson that was reinforced day in and day out until the day I got married and moved out of his house. That was 24 years of "learning" that my happiness was dependent upon sources outside myself. If YOU like me and approvedof me, I feel great; if you don't like me, I'm shit.

Through my involvement with CoDA, I came to understand the dynamics of my daddy issues. Today, when I feel rejected because someone doesn't respond to me the way I want them to (in the rooms, in person at a bar or club, or even online), I immediately feel unlikeable and unworth. I wonder, "What's wrong with me? Why doesn't that person like me?" Then, as a defense, I resent that person.

Case in point. There is a handsome, muscular guy in one of my meetings. We exchanged phone numbers and texted a couple of times. Then, he sort of ignored me at meetings. If I started a conversation with him, seeking him out, he would talk to me but he never initiated contact with me.

One day, he walked across the room, greeted the guy sitting right next to me with a hug and conversation, and totally ignored me. His reasons? I have no idea. But, I jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like me and I started my downward spiral. This went on for meeting after meeting. And, what's worse, I began to feel that way about several other people in the room.

Nevermind the people who DID greet me! I was hurt and pissed that the people that I WANTED to greet me didn't. What a shithole of self-doubt and anger because they didn't give me what I wanted. I knew there was a problem, but I placed the blame mostly on them and not me, even though I knew the genesis of my feelings.

Last night, things came to a head. It's amazing how my HP will smack me in the head to get my attention. That is exactly what happened at the Speaker's Meeting last night.

A Facebook friend whom I had never met face to face was at the meeting. We greeted each other and then he said, "Do you know Greg D.?" I wasn't sure. "Well, he told me that you sent him a friend request and then blocked him a few days later when he didn't respond right away." I was embarrassed and tried to explain, but the meeting was starting and I had to go sit down. That was a long meeting!

My HP was working on me. I knew that I had done Greg wrong. I knew that by sending a "nasty" message and blocking him, I was being hypersensitive and that I was definitely in the wrong. Then, I sat there looking out over the large audience. Unconsciously thinking, "Oh, that person is not nice to me." "He knows me and has talked to me on several occasions and yet he walks right past me unless I say something. Well, fuck that! Why should I HAVE to be the one to reach out all the time?" That kind of thinking went on for a few minutes.

Then God-smacked...

Maybe it is not them. Maybe it's you! Maybe you behave that way to build walls so that no one can hurt you. Maybe you look for reasons to keep people out. Maybe you think, "I'll hurt them before they can hurt me!" All of those choices (although difficult to swallow!) were definite possibilities. I sat there realizing just how fucked up I really am.

Now, I've learned enough from my sponsor to question my thinking. I've learned to be gentle with myself and to not tell myself that I'm "fucked up!" But the thoughts came anyway. And, while I could have been gentler with myself, I had to face the fact that I was running headlong into who I really was.

None of this is THEIR problem; it's MY problem. Thank you HP for giving me that uncomfortable realization.

What do I do with this? At times, I simply don't know. I'm trying to concentrate on those kind people in the rooms that always greet me and ask how I'm doing. I try to get out of myself, making sure that I talk more about them than I do about me. But, there's still a rub.

Today, in the 8:30 meeting, I shared about what happend last night. I confessed that I didn't feel welcome in the rooms but that I realized that it was MY PROBLEM and I wasn't blaming them at all. I told them that by "coming clean" about my issues that maybe I could trust them enough to love me through it. I'm so glad I shared!

The next person to share was that guy that walked right past me, ignoring me in favor to greeting the man next to me. What he shared floored me.

"I do exactly what Rick does!" he said. He related a story about a burgeouning friendship with someone in the rooms. He talked about the interests that they shared...and then, how that guy simply stopped communicating with him.

Just like me, he started in on himself. "Why doesn't he like me anymore? What did I do? Must must be a pretty shitty person for someone to treat me like that!" My thinking pattern EXACTLY! Then, he shared something that his sponsor shared with him. It went something like this: "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen."

Bingo!

He and I have expectations of people and of how we want to be treated. Nevermind that they have lives and struggles of their own. "You need to make me feel good about myself but treating right, damn it! You aren't living up to MY expectations!"

Fuck...what a trap!

The only conclusion I can come to is that I need to take care of my side of the street. I need to be open to those who greet me warmly. I need greet others warmly. And, if they don't, rather than making it "all about me!" I can utter a silent prayer..."Peace be with you!" and move on with my life.

But what about situations where I want to make friend with someone. There is another young man that I have become friends with. He (so far!) has been very welcoming and open to conversation with me, both in the rooms and on Facebook. But, I find myself doing things that will engage him. I find myself playing "come and get me," saying and doing things on purpose that I know will elicit a response.

I do it all the time in almost every aspect of my life, wheher it is baking for people or blocking them on Facebook. In doing those things, I try to elicit a response...responses that will make me feel OK about myself. Doesn't always work, however. There are those expectations setting up resentments.

Ok. I get it!

My dilemma: how do I get to know this guy (and others in the rooms) without playing "come and get me" and without manipulating them to soothe my wounded ego? Is every overture to another person a veiled plea to validate me? How do I know? Do I keep to myself and only interract when someone approaces me? With this man, do I sit back at let him come to me instead of manipulating the situation? How do I navigate this without building walls, while at the same time being able to live with the very real possibility that my expecations might be wrong and that I might get my feelings hurt? I'm not sure I have the answers yet.

For now, sitting back and letting things happen naturally seems the course that I will take. I desperately want this guy to like me (not necessarily in a romantic way!) but I think that my need for approval from him just might drive him away. So, I sit back and wait on my HP. If I'm supposed to get to know him, I will. I don't have to orchestrate it. In fact, I need to get the hell outta the way and let my HP take care of things because when I take the helm, I'm sure to run aground!

#5yrsago Chicago PD's Big Data: using pseudoscience to justify racial profiling

The Chicago Police Department has ramped up the use of its "predictive analysis" system to identify people it believes are likely to commit crimes. These people, who are placed on a "heat list," are visited by police officers who tell them that they are considered pre-criminals by CPD, and are warned that if they do commit any crimes, they are likely to be caught.

The CPD defends the practice, and its technical champion, Miles Wernick from the Illinois Institute of Technology, characterizes it as a neutral, data-driven system for preventing crime in a city that has struggled with street violence and other forms of crime. Wernick's approach involves seeking through the data for "abnormal" patterns that correlate with crime. He compares it with epidemiological approaches, stating that people whose social networks have violence within them are also likely to commit violence.

The CPD refuses to share the names of the people on its secret watchlist, nor will it disclose the algorithm that put it there.

This is a terrible way of running a criminal justice system.

Let's start with transparency, because that's the most obviously broken thing here. The designers of the algorithm assure us that it is considering everything relevant, nothing irrelevant, and finding statistically valid correlations that allow them to make useful predictions about who will commit crime. In an earlier era, we would have called this discrimination -- or even witchhunting -- because the attribution of guilt (or any other trait) through secret and unaccountable systems is a superstitious, pre-rational way of approaching any problem.

The purveyors of this technology cloak themselves in the mantel of science. The core tenet of science, the thing that distinguishes it from all other ways of knowing, is the systematic publication and review of hypotheses and the experiments conducted to validate them. The difference between a scientist and an alchemist isn't their area of study: it's the method they use to validate their conclusions.

An algorithm that only works if you can't see it is not science, it's a conjuring trick. My six year old can do that trick: she can make anything disappear provided you don't look while she's doing it and don't ask her to open her hands and show you what's in them. Asserting that you're doing science but you can't explain how you're doing it is a nonsense on its face.

Now let's think about objectivity: the system that the CPD and its partners have designed purports to objectivity because it uses numbers and statistics to make its calculations. But -- transparency again -- without insight into how the system runs its numbers, we have no way of debating and validating the way it weighs different statistics. And what about those statistics? We know -- because of transparent, rigorous scholarship, and because of high-profile legal cases -- that police intervention is itself not neutral. From stop-and-search to arrest to prosecutorial zeal or discretion, the whole enterprise of crime statistics is embedded in a wider culture in which human beings with social power and representing the status quo can and do make subjective decisions about how to characterize individual acts.

Put more simply: if cops, judges and prosecutors are more likely to give white people in rich neighborhoods in possession of cocaine an easier time than they give black people in poor neighborhoods in possession of crack (and they do), then your data-mining exercise will disproportionately weight blackness and poorness as being correlated with felonies. Garbage in, garbage out -- there's nothing objective and scientifically rigorous about using flawed data to generate flawed conclusions.

But even assuming that this stuff could be made to work: is it a valid approach to crimefighting?

Consider that the root of this methodology is social network analysis. Your place on the heat-list is explicitly not about what you've done or who you are: it's about who your friends are and what they've done. The idea that people's social circles tell us something about their own character is as old as the proverb "A man is known by the company he keeps." Certainly, it wasn't a new idea to the framers of the Constitution (after all, the typical framer was both a member of a secret society and had recently participated in a guerrilla revolution -- they knew a thing or two about the predictive value of social network analysis).

But the framers explicitly guaranteed "freedom of association," in the First Amendment. Why? Because while "birds of a feather stick together," the criminalization of friendship is a corrosive force that drives apart the bonds that make us into a society. In other words: if the Chicago PD think that crime can only be fought by discriminating against people based on their friendships, they need to get a constitutional amendment before they put that plan into action.

Finally, this program assumes that its interventions will be positive, and this assumption is anything but assured. The idea that being told that you are likely to commit crimes will prevent you from doing so is no more obvious that the idea that being treated as a presumptive criminal will lead you to commit crimes. What's more, well-known, well-documented cognitive biases (theory blindness, confirmation bias) are alive and well in the criminal justice system: if someone on the blacklist is suspected of doing something minor, we should expect the police, prosecutors and judge to treat them more harshly than they would someone plucked from off the street. If you're already in a machine-generated ethnicity of pre-criminals, society will deal with you accordingly.

What's more, this will lead to more arrests, harsher charges and longer sentences for pre-criminals -- seemingly validating the methodology. It's the Big Data version of witchburning, a modern pseudoscience cloaked in the respectability of easily manipulated statistics and suspicious metaphors from public health.

https://boingboing.net/2014/02/25/chicago-pds-big-data-using.html

Bojack Horseman has (BPD) Borderline Personality Disorder

I decided to kickstart this blog by dissecting one of my favorite characters, Bojack Horseman. Although Bojack does fit the criteria for other mental illness, such as Major Depressive Disorder and Alcoholism, I stand firm on a final diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m going to explain my decision using evidence from the show and diagnostic criteria summarized from the DSM-5, the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health professionals in the U.S.

In it’s most simple definition, BPD is an issue of emotional dysregulation, and although it may share similarities with Bipolar Disorder, they are not one in the same. BPD is estimated to affect up to 5.9% of the population. Not only are their emotions much more intense than the average person’s, the level of emotion is often disproportionate to the event. These emotions are so overwhelming they may render the individual afraid and powerless, or cause erratic, dysfunctional behavior. Five or more of the following criteria could indicate a potential diagnosis for borderline personality disorder.

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

Fear of abandonment is often partnered with an exaggerated sense of dependency on another individual. This can result in sabotage of  other relationships, punishment in the form of retribution ("I’ll leave you before you leave me" or "I’ll cheat on you before you cheat on me"); jealous fits of rage, emotional withdrawal, and self-harm (including suicide attempts). The individual may even accuse the person of being unfaithful or of loving other people in an unbalanced or inappropriate way.

This kind of behavior is evident in season one, when Bojack gets Todd addicted to video games so he must stay reliant on Bojack. The sad part is that he has such low self-esteem that he believes the only way people will stay with him is through concerted efforts of control and manipulation. At their core, people suffering with BPD feel worthless and alone.

“In a vain effort to appeal to Diane, BoJack takes her suggestion and helps Todd develop his rock opera. When BoJack realizes that Todd's inevitable success will lead to him moving out, BJ pays off a couple different people to help him get Todd hooked on that video game that had previously ruined his life. All because BoJack can't stand the notion of possibly being alone, and the only way to ensure that doesn't happen, was to make sure Todd's rock opera was unsuccessful.” - Youareposthuman [Reddit]

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

“Either you end up hurting someone, or they hurt you.”

Relationships are incredibly difficult to manage, even for the average person. For someone with BPD, a relationship can become a minefield of unhealed trauma. Setting healthy boundaries isn’t something that comes naturally to many, but it is especially difficult for those suffering from BPD. From the beginning, Bojack’s on again/off again relationship with Princess Carolyn illustrates his inability to open up or commit emotionally. She describes Bojack as a "self-pitying masochist." He knows in his heart of hearts that him and Princess Carolyn have always been a relationship of convenience, with both of them coming together mainly out of fear of being alone.

“It’s so sad that when you know someone for who they are, it ruins them.”

Bojack Horseman also begins a relationship with his publicist, Ana Spanakopita, which he describes as “complicated.” Although they have sex and she controls nearly every aspect of his life, Bojack knows next to nothing about her. When she refuses to divulge information, Bojack decides to follow her home, an obvious invasion of privacy. He thought he had something real with her, but he just projected his own feelings onto her at a time when he needed comfort. The crux of their relationship is about control and power.

Bojack liked Charlotte because he was in a dark place. Charlotte was both mentally and physically outside of the LA bubble. He needed to escape from the "tar pit". She was also someone from his past; a happier time. He did have a genuine connection with Charlotte but it was a long time ago, before he was famous, and he's been clinging on to it ever since.

Wanda is one of the few people who remembers Bojack with any sense of fondness. One of the major reasons he liked her was because she didn't know about his bad traits. They break up after he threatens to auto-erotically asphyxiate himself if she doesn’t confess her love for him.

Diane and Bojack have a friendship framed by Bojack’s jealousy and intense dislike for Mr. Peanutbutter. They meet when Diane is assigned to ghost write his biography. Because it is her job to get to know the real Bojack, he quickly develops strong feelings for her. From early on in season one we know that Bojack is in love with her, as suggested by Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter on numerous occasions.

Bojack also has a corrupted relationship with his mother and his ex-best friend, Herb.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self

Who are you? Most people are familiar with identity disturbances, having experienced at least one themselves, usually during adolescence. People with borderline personality disorder experience identity disturbance and need for people to like and approve of them.

Bojack is constantly unsure about his own skills, personality traits, and moral compass. In the first episode of the show when he “finds out” Princess Carolyn has other clients he asks her, “What other clients? Are they more talented than me?” His self-esteem teeters between inflated and nonexistent. Because Bojack does not know how to validate himself, he seeks external validation from others in order to reaffirm his identity.

In season 2, episode 2, Bojack decides that adopting an upbeat attitude will change his life. Issues with Bojack’s identity surface in his obsession with watching old episodes of Horsin’ Around. When he agrees to let Sarah Lynn live with him in the very same episode, he does so under the misguided idea that it will make him feel less alone and fix his problems - like it works on Horsin’ Around. He proceeds to spend the episode behaving like he’s on an episode of Horsin’ Around, including a total change of demeanor. Todd explains to him that this isn’t a TV show, this is real life, but Bojack refuses to see outside of his delusions.

More horse than a man, or more man than a horse?

At the end of season 3, Bojack watches a herd of horses running across the open plains. This brings us full circle to the ending theme song which has lyrics that read:

It's been so long

I don't think I'm gonna last

I guess I'll just try

And make you understand

That I'm more horse than a man

Or I'm more man than a horse

This can be interpreted one of two ways. The first suggests that Bojack must make the choice between being a man and a coward - given that horses naturally flee from perceived danger. At one point Bojack even confesses, “I’ve been running my entire life.” He is coming to a crossroads where he must decide if he will continue to run from his problems or face them head on.

The interpretation that I subscribe to is a bit more literal. Rather than a metaphor for cowardice, Bojack is wondering if his unhappiness comes him living the life of a man, rather than what comes naturally - being a horse. His crippling childhood never allowed him to internalize any ideas about worth and self-image, so he instead relies on more “measurable” external factors like talent, wealth, or relationships.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

Bojack easily fits all the types of listed self-damaging behaviors, as evidenced below. He’s been known to modify his body, abuse drugs/alcohol, spend and drive recklessly, behave sexually inappropriate, and binge eat.

Spending: We know immediately that he is prone to throwing parties and spending tons of money to make them a hit. Even though he explicitly tells Todd he won’t buy a cotton candy machine (because he can’t control himself around them) he buys one anyway.

Sex is often used as a tool in Bojack’s self-destruction. A prime example of this is when Bojack has sex with Todd’s girlfriend, a move he knows would destroy Todd and effectively ruin his relationship with Bojack. Even worse, in "Escape From L.A." Bojack nearly sleeps with Charlotte’s daughter, Penny, then seventeen years old. He thought he might be able to have something with Penny, but that was just a failed attempt to replicate what he previously had with Charlotte. All ambiguity is gone by the end of season 3, as BoJack explicitly states he intended to sleep with Penny, even if he wishes that he was better than that.

Substance abuse (alcoholism) becomes clear in the first episode of the show, but it is reinforced time and time again. After Diane gets engaged to Mr. Peanutbutter, Bojack goes on a two week bender and ends up on Princess Carolyn's front lawn. A “bender” is the status of being bent for more than a day. Usually results in loss of memory, money, strange tattoos, and other things you'll have a hell of a time explaining. The most apparent example of this is during season 3, episode 3, when Bojack and Sarah Lynn take a ton of drugs and try to make amends. 

Reckless driving is merely the backdrop to their downward spiral. They drink and drive, on top of ingesting a variety of drugs.

Binge eating is one of the newly recognized eating disorders. Most of us have done it at least once or twice. However, it can become a serious problem when someone has recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food. This “binge” is usually accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, or a loss of control.

We are introduced to this behavior in the first episode of the show, when Bojack breaks up with Princess Carolyn and eats nine baskets of bread. Afterward in the car, he asks Princess Carolyn if she thinks he looks chubby. When Bojack finishes telling the story to Todd, he’s still focused on intense feelings of guilt over prospective weight gain and concern about his body image, while simultaneously inferring he just ate an entire pizza.

The food is often eaten very quickly, for reasons related to stress, and usually to the point of discomfort, or even pain. In the same episode Bojack admits to standing in a corner alone, eating cotton candy to the point of puking at Todd’s last party. (This comes full back around by the end of the episode, where he is shown doing the exact same thing.)

This behavior recurs again and again, such as in season 2 episode 2 when Bojack buys muffins just to prove a point and then eats all of them on the ride home. In the third season, he belches again after raiding Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter's fridge. These episodes of gluttony can be seen as yet more failed attempts to handle his inner turmoil resulting in his appearing inconsiderate and repulsive to others.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Having BPD often makes suicide look like a good solution when it’s not. This suicidality can appear at different times, in different ways, and for drastically different reasons. For example, some may use suicide and/or self-harm as an “escape rope” from chronic overwhelming emotions, while others may threaten suicide and/or self-harm as a means to exert control or manipulate others.

“So if you don’t mind, as long as you don’t love me, I’m going to step into this noose.”

In season 2, episode 2, Bojack casually threatens to auto-erotic asphyxiate himself in order to make Wanda admit she loves him. While it is hard to say whether or not Bojack was serious, this behavior is not uncommon among people with borderline personality disorder. Suicidal gestures and threats are often used as a way to exert control when an individual feels powerless or overwhelmed by emotions. The desire for control is not necessarily malicious in nature. The person threatening or attempting the behavior almost always feels a genuine sense of desperation.

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

In the first episode, Bojack has what a doctor later describes as a “minor anxiety attack” when he finds himself thinking that maybe he is “just a washed up has-been.” The panic attack is so bad he ends up in the hospital. When Princess Carolyn suggests Bojack call the ghostwriter because the book deal is stressing him he responds, “You want me to call this woman on the phone?” and proceeds to have another anxiety attack.

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

Imagine being full of empty. Bored. All the time. People with BPD feel an acute sense of nothingness that diminishes their worth outside of relationships with others. This feeling can be turned inward and result in self-loathing, panic attacks, self-harm, etc.

Bojack dissociates pretty regularly - disconnecting almost entirely from his environment, and at times, his emotions. The opening of the show includes Bojack’s bust, superimposed over different scenes. His face is sad, eyes empty and lifeless. He appears totally indifferent and unresponsive.

He is also shown having flashbacks during bouts of dissociation, such as Diane points out in season 1, episode 2 when she asks him about his childhood. “You just sat here for five minutes in silence and then said, ‘Uneventful.’”

Mr. Peanutbutter: All I ever wanted was to be your friend. And you treat me like a big joke. You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me?

BoJack: Mr. Peanutbutter.

Mr. Peanutbutter: No, tell me.

BoJack: Because I'm jealous.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh. Of what? Diane?

BoJack: No. Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh, and it doesn't for you? You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you?

BoJack: I want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don't know how. I don't know if I can. I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. I can't tell you how sorry I am.

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Bojack experiences intense anger in both big and small ways. Small events like a stray curly fry being among their normal fries is enough to set him off, or receiving repeated calls from an unknown number.

Other Borderline Behaviors:

Oversharing is the act of prematurely revealing personal information. This behavior can occur for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it can be used as a “test.” If the person responds nonjudgmentally, they have passed, assuring the Borderline that it is safe to get to know them. Other reasons for this behavior include few boundaries, a desire for instant intimacy, impulsivity, and a compulsion to confess their “sins.”

In the second episode of season 1, after only just meeting Diane at the party, he confides in her that he uses horse tranquilizers recreationally, and that he just takes a small does to help him sleep at night, and a much, much larger dose to get him through the day. When Diane reads this back to him from an email, he is visibly embarrassed.

“You ruined me Bojack.” A Childhood of Chronic Invalidation, Neglect, & Abuse

Borderline personality disorder develops due to a combination of genetic predisposition and life experiences (nature and nurture.) Still, most people that experience trauma, chronic invalidation, and neglect, do not usually develop borderline personality disorder. However, most people with borderline personality disorder have experienced a childhood full of chronic invalidation.

Emotional invalidation is when a person's thoughts and feelings are rejected, ignored, or judged. Children who are regularly invalidated by their parents which learn to distrust their emotions, a precursor to BPD. Despite the chronic invalidation and abuse revealed via Bojack’s memories, he describes his childhood as “normal” (”Bojack Hates the Troops”) This is because Bojack, like many people in the real world, does not realize what constitutes as abuse, especially from his parents.

When he gives his father a father’s day card, his father criticizes him for taking the easy way out and not trying his best. He also slaps him hard in the face when he answers “wrong.”  This type of abuse goes on and on, such as his father making him build his own tree house before tearing it down. His mother is equally as abusive in different ways, utilizing gaslighting and other methods.

Bojack begins showing signs of depression in early childhood. In "Yesterdayland,” he sends a letter into a television show that reads:

I am a good kid and I like to play, and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. What do you do when you get sad? How do you not get sad?

His parents walk in while Bojack is watching TV and fight in earshot, yelling loudly and smashing dishware. His mother soon enters the room, angry and critical. She explains to her young son that before he was born, she was beautiful. She tells him to make up for all the damage he’s done, he better grow up to be something great. This plants the seed of Bojack’s deep-rooted need for perfectionism.

In “Stop the Presses,” Bojack maintains that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, he just wants control over his own life. Many people with BPD don’t get the help they deserve due to a lack of knowledge or stigma surrounding mental health issues. Bojack Horseman is one of them. Don’t be like Bojack Horseman. If you relate to some or most of these listed criteria, get your brainhead checked by a real professional.

Alpha Vs Beta Males: Top 5 Reasons Why Every Man Should Strive To Be An Alpha Male

By Tonyebarcanista Most people falsely misconstrue Alpha males to be irresponsible men filled with arrogance and are disrespectful towards women. They misconstrue Alpha males with with cocky males. Many also misconstrue guys that are body builders with nice physique to be alpha males. Some misconstrue wealthy and fierce looking men as alpha males. Some even misconstrue womanizers, famous or people of high status to be alpha males. While some alpha males may belong to the aforementioned groups, not all those groups are alpha males. Who Is An Alpha Male? An Alpha male is the real man. He is a man's man and a warrior. He is very confident and a stand-up guy. Irrespective of what you call him, he is a leader. He is the guy others look up to for motivation, inspiration, and often with a hint of jealousy. He is a man that knows what he wants, confident of himself and can't be tossed around. The alpha male knows his power as a man and doesn't use it as tool for oppression. He can't be manipulated by women, and this makes him attracted to women. He's the kind of man every woman want. The Alpha male is mentally and emotionally strong but kind. He is very Confident, yet humble, he assertive, yet gentle at times. He is very powerful, yet calm and tempered. He has self worth yet doesn't proud! He is the kind of man every man should be. He is the kind of man that every woman crave for and hold in high esteem. Who Is A Beta Male? Beta males are men that always seek to fit in. They are the typical human pleasers with little or no opinion. Beta males in relationship and marriages are the typical Mr Nice Guys that always bury their thought, desire and want so as not to offend their partners. They are typical followers that always seek to blend with the society. They are not stand alone guys as they are easily manipulated. Because of these traits, Beta males are often disrespected and controlled by their partners, the society, their church, families etcetera. ALPHA MALES VS BETA MALES Continue reading after the page break 1. In Relationship Alpha males go for who and what they want, and are men with standards. When their partners err, they are not afraid to speak their mind, address the problem and speak up when the boundaries they set are crossed. They inform their partners on the effect of their ill informed, they tell their partners the consequences on the relationship and take action to ensure that the partner falls in line. Alpha males don't seek conflicts but are not afraid to tackle conflict head on. They are active and not passive But Beta males don't have any standard nor boundaries that they hold sacred. They would rather endure and die in silence when their partners err because they are afraid of causing conflict in their relationship. The ones that speak up do so in form of a plea or nag. They are passive men that live with burden in their heart in their bid to maintain peace that they never get. 2. Gentlemen Vs Mr Nice Guys Alpha males are polite, nice to others, respectful but respects themselves and aren't doormat; Alpha male will never allow anyone treat him like second fiddle no matter what. An Alpha male priories his own well-being, irrespective, he genuinely care about the needs of the people in his life and want the best for others. He does this not do this for validation, to gain attention or to be praised by people around him, he simply does it because it is the right thing to do. When an Alpha male doesn't agree with you, he tells you. Beta males on the other hand may be nice, courteous etc, but they don't prioritise themselves. They are doormat, Yes-man. They are nice because they need the validation and they agree to a fault because they want to maintain the "Mr Nice Guy" tag. 3. Beta Males Are Bitchy, Alpha males Accepts or Change A Situation: Alpha males takes responsibility for their lives. Once anything happens in their lives, an Alpha male seeks to do something about it. If an Alpha male finds his partner with another man, he takes action- whether to breakup with her or any other action. An Alpha male makes decision for himself; whether relationship, career or whatever. But Beta males always look at someone to pass blame on. They don't take responsibility, they bitch over it. A Beta male will find his partner in an unpleasant situation with another man, he runs to his pastor, family or social media to bitch about it... Seeking their help to take action because "he doesn't want to act irrationally". He's a weak man! Simple!!! 4. Genuine Connection Vs validation An Alpha male always seek genuine connection and friendship with their partners and people around them. They have no time for fake relationship. Alpha males don't seek anybody's validation to feel good. They are true to themselves. Beta males are pretenders. They desire validation of their partners, friends and society to feel good about themselves. They are fake towards themselves and others around them because they suppress their true feelings for external validation. 5. Alpha males trust themselves to make decisions for their lives, Beta males follow popular opinion. An alpha male may consult others before making decision, he evaluates the response he gets, and compare with what he had always wanted to do. If he still believe that his desires is the best for him ahead of popular opinion, he follows his mind, makes his decision and swim or sink with it without blaming others. Beta males consults with people, he may or may not evaluate responses, but he follows popular opinion even if it doesn't tally what he really wants because of his conformist character. He is always ready to blame others should his decision not turn out the way he wishes. I will stop here! I remain TonyeBarcanista Read the full article