#so we get contemplative sunset punk
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Eye of the Hurricane.
My brain will fall out if I go any further with this haaaa.
Sully is from my webcomic Mil-Liminal
#original characters#the punk#punk fashion#diy patches#acespec#been messing with different colors and lighting than I usually use#so we get contemplative sunset punk
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Windows Down, Music Up
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader
Word Count: 3730
Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Lotsa Fluff, Slight Angst, Talk of PTSD/Flashbacks, No Seatbelts at One Point (WEAR SEATBELTS!)
A/N: The Part I didn’t know I needed. I started writing and this is where it got me. I needed these soft moments after the intensity of the last few parts. I know I said there’d only be one part left, but…I didn’t know this Part would be so long. So three parts for episode 5 it is!
I hope you enjoy this! I know it’s not really a part of the show, but I love the idea and I think both Bucky and the Reader needed it. Plus the show has a lot of leeway this episode because time passes but they kinda skip over traveling and stuff, so I thought I’d give you a glimpse of what it looks like in mine!
Not beta’d, as per usual! All mistakes are mine and please excuse them! Be kind to yourselves and others! Enjoy this part and stay tuned!
FATWS Masterlist
cjsinkythoughts Masterlist
!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!
******************
“So what’s next?” You questioned, your feet hooked onto the bar below the bar you were sitting on so you didn’t fall. Not that you could - Bucky was right next to you, his hand flying to your thigh every time you shifted even a little bit to keep you steady. “Walker’s been arrested, we have the shield, Karli’s in the wind…where does that leave us? Do we have any leads on Karli right now?”
“The GRC is conducting raids to try and find Karli, but so far they’ve only found her followers. They’ve searched this camp, and just like the last camp, nothing. She’s gone. And we’ll never find her.”
You huffed at Sam’s words, rubbing your temples as you grumble, “way to look on the bright side.”
“What bright side? There’s not one here, cher. Not this time.”
“Hey.” Bucky snapped. “Back off, Sam.”
You grabbed his forearm and squeezed reassuringly. “Hey! You got your, uh, you got your sleeve back!” You turned at the familiar voice that caused Bucky to scoff lightly and shake his head.
“Torres!”
The kid smiled at you, waving as Bucky pushed off the bars, helping you down (he’d been refusing to let you do anything on your own since you woke up) and started walking towards the door. “Hi, Y/N. It’s been a while.”
“Are you off to take care of Zemo?” Sam questioned, making Bucky look over his shoulder at the three of you. The former assassin raised an eyebrow at you. You nodded, and he turned around to leave.
“Alright! Good to know you survived!”
You snickered a bit at the kid. “It’s good to see you.”
Torres turned back to you and grinned. “You too. I really am glad you survived.”
“I know you are, kid.”
Sam looked at you questioningly. “Are you gonna go with him?” You pursed your lips, chewing your cheek, and nodded. “Alright. C’mere.”
You frowned as he lifted his arms, but walked into them anyways. “What’re we doing right now? This isn’t goodbye. We’ve still gotta find Karli.”
“For now.” He responded, setting his chin on your head, careful of your shoulder. “But we don’t have any leads and I’m sure we’ve been benched. So, until we do and we meet again, stay safe. And take care of yourself. And for the love of God, please have that conversation with cyborg, now.”
A small puff of laughter came from you and you nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you later then, Sammy.”
He pressed a kiss to your head, before letting you go. “Later, cher.”
“Bye, Y/N!”
You smiled, waving to Torres. “Bye, kid. Keep out of trouble.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
You chuckled, shaking your head as you walked out the door Bucky disappeared through earlier, turning down the hall to exit the building.
When you got outside, you found Bucky leaning against a wall, narrowed eyes watching the police as they finished the raid. “Do you agree with it?”
“What?”
“These people getting arrested.”
You shrugged, shoving your hands in your pockets. “They harbored a criminal.”
He looked at you with a frown, eyebrows knit together and forehead creased. “We harbored a criminal. We broke him out.”
“Technically he broke himself out.” Your joke fell flat, Bucky’s head dropping. “Buck…” You sighed, eyes following a lady as she was shoved into the back of a car. “No. I don’t. I think these people have been through enough.”
“But?” His eyes grew sad as you met his gaze again, making you smile softly at him.
“But we can’t do anything about it right now. So we need to focus on doing what we can and finding Zemo.”
He nodded, reaching for your hand as he straightened and started walking off. You grabbed his fingers, jogging slightly to fall into sync with his strides. He seemed to notice and slowed down slightly. “We already know where he is, though. Don’t we?”
You hummed, thumb brushing over his knuckles. “Where else would he be?”
“Anywhere.”
You shook your head. “No. He’s there. Question is…how are you going to take care of him?”
“Sam thinks I’m gonna kill him.”
His blunt statement made you raise an eyebrow. “Are you?”
Licking his lips, he looked down at you, eyes set with certainty. “No.”
Your lips pulled up at his answer, leaning closer into him, shoulders brushing. “Good. Not that I’m an advocate for never killing people ever…it’s just,” you chewed on your cheek, thinking about the previous day’s events. “Revenge and justice are two different things.”
“Yeah.” He agreed softly. “We kinda witnessed that.”
“Yeah…we did.”
He let go of your hand to wrap an arm around your shoulders, tenderly avoiding your wrapped wound. “Good thing I contacted Ayo while you were sleeping then, huh?”
“You did?” You looked up at him with a smile as he nodded in confirmation.
“Yeah. And…I’ve been thinking a lot. Since our conversation about Wakanda and Zemo and Sam. You were right.”
A smirk graced your lips, an eyebrow quirking in amusement. “Pardon me? I don’t think I heard you correctly. What was that?”
He rolled his eyes, reaching over with his free hand to shove your head lightly, making you laugh. “You are such a punk sometimes. I’m serious though, doll. I-I’ve been…I dunno…I haven’t been thinking straight. The whole thing with Zemo was wrong and-and Sam didn’t deserve what I was blaming him for.”
You froze in your steps, tugging him to a stop as well, staring at him thoughtfully. Just since that phone call a couple weeks ago he’d grown so much. You could barely believe what he was saying - that he was finally saying it. He was a stubborn ass sometimes, so to hear him say that? It just stunned you. You knew he was a good person, but this…you felt yourself falling more, which you thought was impossible.
“Doll? Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”
Your arms raised around his neck, tugging him down into a hug, your lips pressing to his cheek. “I’m just proud of you.” You murmured softly, kissing his temple. He ducked his head, leaning against your shoulder, arms wrapping tightly around your waist. You held him like for another minute or two, before kissing his temple again. “We should get going. Gotta get to Sokovia before the Dora do.”
He hummed in agreement, pulling you tighter against him and squeezing you slightly, before letting go. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
“Question.” You said once you two started walking again.
“Possible answer.” He replied, making you elbow him as he chuckled.
“How’re we gonna get to Sokovia?”
He blinked, tilting his head. “Uh…plane? Unless you wanna have a road trip. The plane would only take a couple hours at most and a car, well…I could have us there in under a day with some broken traffic laws.”
You giggled, shaking your head. “Know what? I could go for a road trip right now.”
“Yeah?” He grinned at you.
“Yeah. And yes, you can drive. Just don’t get us in the middle of a high speed chase.”
He winked, kissing your head. “No promises.”
**********************
Bucky was actually a very good road trip partner. He made sure you had plenty of your snacks and let you control the music, turning up the volume for your favorite songs, shouting the lyrics to the heavens as you danced in your seat, the windows rolled down, wind ripping through the car, ruffling both of your clothes and hair.
You grinned over at Bucky, bobbing your head to the beat as he stared back at you, his eyes soft and sparkling. “Watch the road, dork!” He chuckled as you shoved his face.
“I’d much rather watch you.”
You felt yourself heat up despite the cool breeze moving through the car. “Have you ever stuck your head out the sunroof?” You suddenly asked him.
He gave you a weird look. “What?” Feeling a bit mischievous, you smirked and unbuckled. “Woah, woah! What are you doing?! But your seatbelt back on!”
“Oh calm down!” You stood on the seat after opening the sunroof, the top half of your body outside the car. He laughed as you whooped and hollered.
“Alright, alright. Sit back down, doll.” He tugged you back in, shaking his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
You smiled, putting your seatbelt back on and plopping your feet on the dash. “Like what?”
He turned to look at you, his teeth pulling his bottom lip between them contemplating. “Carefree. Relaxed, even.”
You shrugged, leaning back in your seat. “I don’t get to do it often. But it’s so hard to care right now.” You gestured out to the gorgeous landscape you were moving through, the sunsetting on the horizon. “The wind, the music, the open road. Nothing feels more like freedom.”
“Yeah…yeah. I guess. I’ve never really…been on a road trip. Unless you count going across Germany in that little blue car-”
“Ha! That was not a road trip! That was Steve being a reckless dumbass driver for a few hours.”
He laughed. You’d heard him laugh before, but this was different. Something about the freedom you were talking about made it different. It was nice. And you’d do anything to hear it more often.
“I’ll take you on a real road trip once this is done.” You vowed. “We’ll hit all the states. Even go through Canada to get to Alaska. Nothing but us in a car for weeks. Wherever we wanna go.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that.”
You winked. “You do that.”
Conversation died after that, the only sounds being you and your music with the occasional chuckle from Bucky at your over dramatic dancing. You made a few stops at gas stations, getting food and drinks, before you felt yourself start winding down as the stars came out, winking down at you. You didn’t even realize you drifted off until the car jostled, waking you up.
“Sorry, sleepyhead.” Bucky apologized. “There was a deer. Maybe if you put your seatbelt on you would’ve stayed asleep.”
You rolled your eyes, rubbing at them and blinking. It was still dark out, no hint of the sun peeking out yet. “They’re uncomfortable.” You grumbled, shifting and wincing at your leg which was still asleep. “What time is it?”
“Almost two.” Bucky answered. “Are you okay? Is your shoulder hurting?”
“No. My leg’s just asleep so it feels weird and it’s aching. You want me to drive so you can sleep?”
“Nah, it’s fine. We’ll be there in a few hours. I’ve got it.”
You hummed, sitting up and digging through your bag for some food. “Hungry?”
“Uh…I’ll just take a bag of pretzels.” Nodding, you grabbed one of the bags and handed it to him. It was quiet, the radio now turned low on some jazzy station you were sure Bucky turned it to once you fell asleep. “I’ve been thinking-”
“Hope you didn’t hurt yourself.” He shot you a bemused look, making you giggle. “Sorry. Go ahead.”
“I’ve been thinking of that fight. With Walker.”
You tensed, clearing your throat as you munch on your snack. “Oh?”
Glancing at him out of the corner of your eye, you saw him lick his lips, setting the bag down on the middle console, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. “When you were fighting him…why-why’d you hesitate?”
“What do you mean?”
He glanced over at you quickly, forehead creased. “You had the shield. You were holding your own. I’m sure Steve taught you some stuff…but then…” He trailed off, seemingly trying to find words. “It was like that first fight. On the semi trucks. You hesitated. Got distracted. Why?”
You shrugged, turning back to your food nonchalantly. “I guess I just had a lot on my mind. That’s all.”
“I know you better than that, doll. Please don’t lie to me.” Turning to the window, you just noticed that yours wasn’t down anymore. You look over to his side to see his was only a little cracked open. “I didn’t want you to wake up so I rolled them up. Answer the question.”
Letting out a sigh, you shrugged again. “I’ve been having…flashbacks.”
“Flashbacks?”
You nodded, sipping on your water bottle. “Yeah. Kinda like PTSD, but it’s not. Not really. They’re never traumatic or anything.”
You could see the gears in his head turning, his jaw clenching. “What are they about then?”
“Steve.”
The tension in his shoulders slipped, his head ducking while still keeping his eyes on the road. “Oh…why…why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want anyone to worry about me with all the other problems we’re having-”
“Hey.” Your eyes snapped up from where they fell at his sharp tone, his gaze meeting yours. “Don’t ever think that. Ever. You’re not a fucking burden, Y/N. You’re important to me. I-” He cut himself off, shaking his head and looking back out the front. “Does Sam know at least?”
You pursed your lips. “I-I told Sharon?”
He groaned, head falling back against the seat. “Sweetheart…”
“They’re just memories. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is if it’s affecting you on the field. And if it’s gonna get you or someone else hurt-”
Crossing your arms, you shifted in your seat, feeling the ache in your legs from sleeping in that position too long. “What? You don’t trust me now?”
“No! That’s not what I’m saying!”
“What’re you saying, Buck? You can’t have me watching your back because my mind’s messed up right now?” The car came to a halt and you sat up, looking around worriedly to see if any cars were coming. “James, we’re in the middle of the street-”
“Look at me.” You turned to him, only to look away at the intensity of his eyes. “Doll. Look at me.” He repeated tenderly, grabbing your chin between his fingers, making you face him. “I trust you.” His tone was nothing but genuine, and you’d never seen him look so sincere. “With my life, I trust you. But if your head isn’t in it? It’s okay, you just need to tell someone. When did you start trusting me?”
“At the airport in Germany.” You answered quietly.
He tilted his head. You kinda missed his long hair - the way it used to get in his eyes and you’d have to brush it behind his ear. “Even though I could still get triggered?”
“Well, yeah. But that’s different! You wouldn’t have been in your right…mind if you were…triggered…”
He raised an eyebrow as you frowned. “Trusting you and trusting your mental state are two different things. I’d know. Sometimes our brain’s do stupid things and we can’t stop it. But we can get help.”
You sighed, hanging your head. “Okay. Alright. I got it. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just…tell me about it.”
You nodded, before looking at the road. “Okay, okay. But can you drive? We’re still in the middle of the road.”
He chuckled and nodded, starting up the car again. After a moment, he glanced at you. “So?”
Another sigh left your lips, before you told him. You told him what’s triggered you so far and what the memories were about. How it feels when you slip. “It’s like, I remember something and my mind latches onto it and won’t let me out until I relive it again.” He just nodded, never interrupting as you explained what was going on.
It felt good to finally get it off your chest. And it felt good knowing he wasn’t freaking out and pulling you from the mission like you thought he’d do. It was something you hadn’t done in a long time. The last person who sat down and listened to your problems was Steve and the fact that you felt comfortable enough around Bucky to pour out your soul made you realize that Steve was gone. But Bucky was here. And maybe it was time to let go.
Bucky looked over to you when you stopped talking abruptly, cocking his head to the side. “Sweetheart? You alright?”
You lunged forwards, hugging his shoulders, burying your face in his neck. Fortunately for you, he had great reflexes, or else you’d probably be wrapped around a tree. You couldn’t care about the what ifs though. Sniffing, you closed your eyes, a couple tears leaking down your cheeks and landing on the skin connecting his shoulder to his neck.
“Thank you.”
It was so soft and muffled by his shirt, you weren’t sure if he heard it. But then he set his cheek on your head, his hand coming up to run through your hair like you did to him when he needed comfort. “C’mere, cuddle bug.” He cradled your head, shifting you easily so you could lay down comfortably, your legs curled in your seat, your head in his lap, taking extra care that your shoulder wasn’t agitated. “Try to get more sleep, doll. We’ll be there soon.”
You nodded, sleep taking over you once more with Bucky’s fingers in your hair, soft jazz still floating through the air along with the slight whistle of the wind from the crack in his window.
****************
You leaned against the hood of the car, crossing your arms, watching Bucky pull on a shirt. You had stopped at a rest stop to clean up and change, just a few more miles until you got to the memorial.
“Ayo’s there already.” Bucky spoke, shrugging on his jacket. You pushed off the hood of the car to pull him closer by the sides of his jacket, your fingers moving to button it. “I just…I want a couple minutes alone with him.”
You nodded. “Okay. I can do that.”
“You trust me right?”
“More than anything.” You confirmed, looking up at him, smoothing his jacket down with your hands.
He nodded, leaning forwards to kiss your forehead. “I just - I just need you to know…I’m not gonna kill him.”
You nodded back, smiling softly at him. “I know.”
“Okay…let’s get going then. Get this over with.”
It didn’t take you long to reach the memorial, only a few more minutes down the main street and then going off down a side road.
Just as Bucky said, the Dora Milaje were already there, waiting for the two of you to show up. Bucky and Ayo had a conversation in Xhosa - which you were really regretting not learning anything more than “hi”, “please”, “thank you”, and “where’s the bathroom?” - before he turned to you.
“Stay with them. Just...I just need a couple minutes.” You nodded, eyes flickering down to the gun he pulled out from his coat pocket. He hooked a finger under your chin, lifting your gaze back to him. “Trust me.”
“Sometimes our brains do stupid things.”
He shook his head, kissing your forehead. “Not this time. ‘Cause I have help.”
Pursing your lips, you nodded. He gave you a reassuring smile, before stepping away, out of the trees to face Zemo. You couldn’t hear what was being said, but you had to admit that when Bucky lifted the gun, your heart skipped a beat. But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He promised.
The quiet click of the gun seemed to echo, a pressure lifting off your chest as the bullets spilled from Bucky’s hand, clattering against the ground.
You figured that was the signal, considering Ayo led her badass women out to grab Zemo right after the bullets hit the ground, so you followed them out. You stopped next to Bucky, his hand slipping out of his pocket to wrap around your shoulders, tugging you to his side, your arms wrapping around his waist.
“I was listening to your heartbeat. You get nervous for a second, doll?”
You hummed in response to his question in your ear. “I trust you…but that doesn’t mean you don’t raise my anxiety levels.”
He snickered, kissing your temple, before straightening to listen to what Ayo had to say as she stepped towards you. She informed you both that Zemo would be going to the Raft and told Bucky to stay away from Wakanda for a while; both very fair statements that you weren’t surprised to hear. What you were surprised to hear was Bucky’s next sentence.
“I may have another favor to ask of you.”
Ayo raised an eyebrow, signaling for him to go on. Bucky caught your eye and his lips twitched up into a small smirk, before he faced her again and started speaking Xhosa, making you groan.
After their conversation, Ayo nodded. “We will drop it off here tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you.”
You pouted as Ayo turned to walk to their ship, Bucky starting to lead you back to the car. “You’re not gonna tell me what that was about, are you?”
“Nope.”
You huffed. “You’re the worst, you know that?”
He chuckled. “You’ll find out.”
“Soon?”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
Bucky shrugged, pulling open the passenger side door for you. “On when Sam wants you to see it.”
You narrowed your eyes, a smile spreading on your face. “You got Sammy a present?”
“Maybe.”
You groaned, sliding into the car before he shut the door, watching him jog to his side. “You’re so annoying.” You spoke once he got in and started the vehicle again.
“If you feel that way, you don’t have to come to Louisiana with me to drop it off.”
Scoffing, you gaped at him in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”
He shrugged, turning in his seat and putting his hand on the back of your headrest to back out of the spot he parked in. “If I’m so annoying-”
“You’re so dramatic!”
“I thought I was annoying?”
“You’re both!”
He grinned at you, before looking through the windshield, blinking as something occurred to him. “I dunno where we’re going. We have to come back tomorrow morning-”
“Just drive, Buck.”
He blinked at you, eyebrows raising in slight shock. “What?”
You shrugged, nodding your head to the road. “Drive. Wherever we want, remember? Just until tomorrow. We can go back to reality after we pick up Sammy’s gift, but for now-”
“Just drive?” He guessed, the corners of his lips pulling up.
You smirked, shooting him a wink before propping your feet up on the dash again, turning up the radio, and linking your hands behind your head. “Exactly, Buckaroo.”
#cjsinkythoughts#cjswriting#cjsspoilers#fatws spoilers#tfatws spoilers#falcon and the winter soldier spoilers#fatws#tfatws#falcon and the winter soldier#fatws series#fatws pt 6.2#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes x avenger!reader#bucky x avenger!reader#bucky barnes#❤🐦💙🦾#💙🦾
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miss independent || oscar diaz
(gif is not mine. credit to owner💗)
Summary: Oscar has feelings for the reader meanwhile the reader has feelings for Mario. Oscar is struggling to accept that.
Requested: yes!
Pairing: Oscar Diaz x reader, Mario Martinez x reader
Warnings: a bit of angst, cursing as per usual.
Word Count: 2.3k
A/N: to whoever requested this, I hope this is what you wanted. I decided to use Mario because I just felt like he fit perfectly. Obviously this takes place during season 2 and amber isn’t a thing lmao I wrote this way before season 3 came out and I kinda just left it because I got stuck, but I’m back and I figured I’d finish it. It’s not the best but ENJOY! I’m open to doing a second part, I have been doing Oscar dirty and I am sorry lmao
__________
When Y/N and Mario had ended their relationship, there was absolutely no bad blood between them - they had been together for most of high school. They were each other’s first loves. They went through a great deal together. They essentially grew together. They had been together way too long to end on bad terms.
No, the reason that they had ended was because Mario had gone away to college and Y/N had stayed in Freeridge, having decided to take a break from school for about a year or so. It hadn’t been an easy decision, but they both ultimately agreed that they should break up - prior to him leaving for college, they had agreed that long distance would be just fine, that they’d be able to do it, but once he was gone, it was an entirely different story. They barely talked, Mario was busy with meeting knew people, going out with his new friends and focusing on school. It was something Y/N didn’t blame him for, she knew what the deal was when he went away, but still, life was getting in the way and neither of them wanted to make the other feel like they weren’t important.
Their break up had been hard but amicable. And it certainly wasn’t something that someone could just get over in a short amount of time. Neither of them knew if they’d get back together again, but the feelings were still there. Y/N was sure that they’d always be there. A connection with someone like that, it didn’t just go away. It’d stay with you, forever.
It had been a few weeks after their break up that Y/N had gone out to the liquor a few blocks away from her house to buy some snacks - call it comfort food - when a green car had slowed down across the street from her to match her pace. Inside the car, which was blasting music so loud she could almost feel the bass of it reverberate against the sidewalk, were about 4 guys. Prophets, she quickly realized, judging by amount of green they wore.
“Damn ma, what you doin’ out here alone? You lookin’ fine as fuck. Let me get that ass.” Was among one of the many things thrown her way. Being a young woman, it hadn’t been the first time that she had been cat called and it likely wouldn’t be the last, but that fact never stopped it from being creepy and making her uncomfortable, especially when it was coming from the Prophets, one of Freeridge’s known gangs. Especially given that they had been following her in their car, going as fast she was going to keep up with her.
Y/N had sped up her walking but that did nothing because they sped up too, still yelling things at her through the window. Her heart had begun racing and she could feel the cold sweat on her forehead - were they gonna follow her home? The young woman had contemplated just booking it and hoping that they’d lose interest and leave when she heard the rumble of another engine, this time heading in her direction. Up ahead she could see a familiar cherry red impala. She knew who it belonged too. Almost everybody knew who it belonged too.
Oscar had sped up just slightly when he had seen the green car, coming to a stop when he was beside Y/N, effectively blocking her from the view of the Prophet’s. Suddenly, she had gotten just that much more freaked out because she knew, everybody knew, of the tension between the two gangs, the Santos and the Prophets. She didn’t want to find herself in the middle of a shootout when all she had just wanted to do was go home and eat her damn fucking chips.
“The fuck you doin’ on this block? This is Santos territory. You punk asses know you shouldn’t be here.” She had heard Oscar say. “Get the fuck outta here. Now.” He left no room for discussion. That deathly calm, but frightening stare wasn’t something she wanted to be on the receiving end of. Across the street, she could see the Prophets in the car debating his words, contemplating on listening to the Santo and leaving or starting some shit. In the end, they decided on heeding his words and they drove off, not before throwing some comments his way, and her way.
“We’ll be seeing you, Spooky.” “Watch your back.” “We’ll be seeing you too, ma.” None of it phased Oscar, who watched as they disappeared through the side mirror of his car. Suddenly, his dark eyes were on her and she left out a tiny breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding.
“You good?” He asked, nodding his head at her. The y/h/c haired female gave a small nod, clutching at the plastic bag in her hand.
“Uh, yeah. Thanks for that. I didn’t think they were gonna leave me alone.” She admitted, sending a small smile his way. His dark eyes analyzed her for a second, and she began to grow hot under his gaze, feeling the heat creep up her neck, to her cheeks, all the way to the very tops of her ears.
“You’re Mario’s girlfriend, right?” And that sent a painful little jab to her heart, the remembrance that she and Mario were no longer a couple. Clearing her throat, Y/N shook her head.
“Uh, no. No, we broke up after he left for college. Long distance just wasn’t our thing.” She revealed. Oscar gave a slow nod at her words, letting out a little ‘hm’. She had figured the conversation was over at that point so she was about to turn away and carry on her journey home when his deep voice spoke up once more.
“You want a ride?”
Now, Y/N had been familiar with Oscar because of Mario, but they had never actually had a full blown conversation like the one they were just having. They had never been alone together, they had never spent copious amounts of time together. Oscar had gone to prison for a considerable amount of time as well. So, the fact that he had offered to give her a ride was a bit surprising to her, and she had almost declined his offer when the words of that one Prophet replayed in her mind.
“We’ll be seeing you too, ma.”
Were they lurking around a corner somewhere, waiting until she walked away from Oscar? Waiting to follow her again? Now, maybe she was being entirely paranoid but she certainly did not want to take that risk. So, giving Oscar a nod, she walked a few steps forward, pulled open the door and climbed into the passenger seat of his precious car.
That had been the start of an unlikely and very surprising friendship between Y/N and Oscar Diaz.
After that fateful day where he saved her from being harassed by Prophets, they had started hanging out more, they had become quite close. She’d spend more time at his house than her own. They’d drink cheap beer and smoke blunts and just talk about anything and everything. Dumb shit, funny shit, little shit. It was a friendship that Y/N had really grown to cherish. Hell, Oscar had even let her drive his car, and that wasn’t something he let anybody do, not even his brother.
(“You better not fucking crash my car, pendeja.” “Shut the fuck up, I’m not gonna crash shit. Relax, vato.”)
But somewhere along the line, it had changed for Oscar. Having a girl as a friend was something that he was never really used to - he hadn’t anticipated on an actual full blown friendship to form between him and Y/N but he couldn’t say that he regretted it. Y/N looked at him and saw something more than just a cholo, more than just a guy with two strikes working against him. He really did start to care about her, and he looked forward to the days where she’d go over to his house and they’d just hang out. Or the days where they’d get into his car, drive down to the beach and watch the sunset.
He had found himself wanting more than just a friendship - it was her smile, the way her smile seemed to light up the entire room. It was her eyes, the way they’d twinkle and shine so bright they could rival the stars. It was her nose, the way she’d crinkle it up every time she’d take a drink from some beer, which he’d always tease her about because she could never seem to get used to the bitter taste.
But the only issue was that she still had feelings for her ex. Oscar knew this, it wasn’t exactly as if it was a secret - Y/N openly talked about Mario with Oscar, she’d tell him how she missed him, how she often thought about them and their relationship. It was a tough pill to swallow, and it was why he had almost reconsidered inviting Mario to the Santos party, but nah, he wasn’t like that. He could be fucked up if he wanted, but Mario had always been good to him, he respected him too much to start acting like a dick.
———
Music played from the speakers that stood beside the DJ booth. People were dancing, drinking, smoking - it was a good time, everyone was having fun.
Everyone but Oscar that is.
His eyes kept drifting over toward Y/N and Mario as they sat on that worn, nasty old couch in their own little world, deep in conversation. He took notice of the way her eyes were shining bright, of that smile that never left her face. Or Mario’s face.
Y/N had arrived shortly after Mario and Ruby had and when she had caught sight of Mario, it was like she was that nervous girl going on her first date with him again. She thought that overtime her feelings for him would fade, that distance would make her move on. But it didn’t. And seeing Mario again.. she remembered just how much she truly loved him.
So, she and Mario had stuck by each other’s side throughout the entire party, talking, catching up, reminiscing about old times.
“So, you and Oscar? How’d that happen?” Mario asked her. He had been a little surprised when he found out that his ex-girlfriend had struck up a friendship with the gang leader. She had told him herself when they started talking again, and Ruby had told him that they had spent an awful amount of time together.
Y/N’s smile softened and she turned to glance over at Oscar who was having a conversation. But it was like he felt her eyes on him because he turned and looked over at her. Their eyes met and she sent him that sweet smile that had him falling for her all over again. Then she turned back to Mario.
“It was after you left, actually. I went to the store and some Prophets rolled up on me,” Mario looked concerned, his brows furrowing. “But, Oscar was riding by in his car, he saw and he helped me out. He gave me a ride home and after that, we just started seeing each other more. Hanging out. He’s cool, I like him.” She said, that smile never leaving her face.
“So, there’s nothing more going on between you two?”
“What? No! He’s my best friend!” Y/N said. “Honestly.. I.. I haven’t been with anyone since we broke up.” She admitted. “I miss you. It’s hard being without you. Oscar made it easier, but.. I still miss you. I’m glad you’re here, Mario.” She said. Her ex-boyfriend gave her a smile, that smile that had her weak in the knees.
“I missed you too, Y/N.”
Oscar knew he was probably being a cock blocker but he didn’t care. He walked over and you noticed him immediately, sending a smile his way. “Why you guys hidin’ over here? It’s a party. Little Ruby is making more friends than you two.” He nodded over to the young Martinez who was indeed having the time of his life. It was the happiest that Mario had seen his brother in a while and he was glad.
“We were just talking. Catching up. She told me how you helped her after some Prophets rolled up on her. Thank you for that.” Mario said as the two stood up off the couch. Oscar shrugged his shoulders as he looked down at the female, his eyes sparkling as he looked at her.
“It was nothing. I’d do anything for her. She knows that.”
“I do know that. And you know that I’d do anything for you too. You’re my best friend and I love you.” She said to Oscar and his heart actually sank down into his stomach.
Best friend.
That’s all he was to her. Her best friend and nothing more. She was his best friend but he wanted it to be more. But standing with her and Mario, seeing the way the two looked at each other.. he knew nothing more would ever come from it.
But at the same time… having Y/N in his life as his friend was better than not having her in his life at all. If she was with Mario, then all he could do was support her and be there for her because all he really wanted was for her to be happy. If it was Mario that made her happy then so be it. Mario was a good dude so he didn’t have to worry about him hurting her.
He had her in his life one way or another and he was just thankful for that.
#netflix on my block#on my block imagine#on my block#oscar diaz omb#oscar diaz angst#oscar diaz fluff#oscar diaz x reader#oscar diaz headcanon#oscar diaz#oscar diaz smut#oscar diaz imagine#oscar spooky diaz#spooky diaz#julio macias imagine#julio macias#mario martinez#mario martinez x reader
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The Swordsman of Creation
SSSS.Dynazenon: After a long while without kaiju appearing, the Eugenecists find, Mujina attempts to use Instance Domination on it but vanishes, soon followed by Juuha and Onija, Sizume saying everyone can be fres. With the team, Yume vanishes as well, finding herself experiencing the past before Kano died. People and buildings keep vanishing, Gauma detects DynaWing inside the kaiju and makes a plan to break in after Knight vanishes, experiencing his dinner with a certain person long ago, but Koyomi and Gauma both vanish, leaving Yomogi alone to jump inside, Goldburn saves 2nd and Chise, and they float above wondering what to do. Yume follows Futaba and Kano, Koyomi decides to run away with Inamoto and the money, Gauma enjoys his life with Juuga, Onija and Mujina, as they accept the world their vehicle's break. Yomogi comes to the day his mother first told him of Kamijo, but snaps out of it on seeing DynaSoldier and escapes his dream, he finds himself, outside Yume's, unable to reach her her as she receives her invitation from Kano. As Yomogi watches Yume overhear Kano leaving for the floodgate he becomes determined she shouldn't have to experience Kano's suicide again, and manages to break through, restoring DynaWing and Yume. Yume rushes to the floodgate, bursting onto the roof, saying she knows everything and begging Kano not to commit suicide. To which Kano says of course she wasn't going to commit suicide, she promised Yume she'd come to the recital. Yume, finally realising Kano's death really was an accident, she breaks down, having Yomogi go ahead. He breaks into Koyomi's dream, scattering the money, Koyomi scrambles for it while Inamoto tells him to leave it, it's probably fake. Koyomi looks at Inamoto looking at him and has some sort of realisation. Gauma has killed Juuga, Mujina and Onija, despite the country betraying them, saying it was to protect the person he cared about, before collapsing himself. Yomogi breaks in, reminding Gauma of the situation, and then frees Knight as well. Kano apologises to Yume for pushing her away, being envious of Yume's personality, but that she'd tried to improve herself in high school, and found Futaba, not wanting to trouble him too much, but tells Yume it's okay to rely on others. Yume contemplates staying, but manages to solve the puzzle and realises she has to go back, thanking Kano. Dynazenon breaks free, and needing to restore everything, they form Kaiser GridKnight to defeat. Afterwards, Gauma admits to just wishing he could find the princess again, while a content Yume sings and puts the puzzle back together. The last shot is of Gauma face down and dying in the past.
Heroes' Odyssey: We look at Z, Geed and Zero uniting against Celebro's Belial Fusion Beasts, then X, Tiga and Ultraman battling against Zaigorg, Gorg Antlar and Gorg Fire Golza, while Zero, Max, Nexus, Victory and Ginga faced Tsurugi Demaaga, and continue to Tiga battling Super Hipporito Seijin, King Silverton and King Goldras, joined by Dyna and Gaia, and the Super Ultra 8 Brothers uniting to face Giga Chimera.
Saber: As each party contemplates the current state of the world, Touma goes to Kento again while the rest of Northern Base go to face Solomon. Touma promises Kento he won't disappear, leaving Ikazuchi and heading off, the bird appears again. Kenzan joins the battle with Solomon, Storious stopping Desast from doing the same, soon after Sabela and Durandal join as well, and Bacht arrives wanting the, to stop so the world will be destroyed, then Touma arrives. Kento is brought to a vision of a forest, where Hayato's spirit, saved by Tassel, is able to appear to him, and advise him to do what he wants to do, convincing him to pick up Ikazuchi and head to the battle. Saber and Falchion fight, Solomon overpowers the others as Falchion does Touma. Touma, joined by all the other swordsmen, argue against Bacht's nihilistic viewpoint, as Kento arrives, Touma uses Rekka's power to destroy Bacht for good, who is amused enough to see where it goes as he dies. Solomon uses Calabdolg, Touma blocks it with Rekka and Kyomu, saying their is no will to his fight. Hayato's spirit manifests, being given Kurayami, the 11 Seiken and 10 Swordsmen unite their powers, creating Haouken Xross Saber, the final Seiken, adding new pages to Wonder Story and causing Isaac's book to react. Touma uses Brave to become Xross Saber, unleashing the power of the 10 seiken to destroy the books, restore the city, and destroy an army of Calabdolg mecha, defeating Solomon. Northern Base celebrates, the Shindais intend to hunt Isaac down, Ren contemplates Touma's increased strength and Kento shares a word with his father. Nobody sees Desast pick up Kyomu.
Zenkaiger: Recovering to see the world merging fading, the Zenkaigers find Zox and hand him the remaining fakes, he's distant and heads back to CrocoDaiOh, where he talks with Flint about a deal Stacey offered, to bring him the Gear he wanted, or take him to the Tojitendo Palace, if he defeated Kaito. Zox goes and tells all of this to Kaito, who accepts the challenge. Barashitara is annoyed at Ijirude interfering with his operations. The battle between Twokaiser and Zenkaiser begins, when Twokaiser uses Shinken Form Zenkaiser uses Liveman for the Falcon Saber, when Ohrem Form appears an impromptu dance off happens when Battle Fever triggers the World Dances, before Twokaiser uses Kyuranger to use the power of Ooguma Skyblue, Maskman's Aura Power fails to block an attack and Twokaiser utterly destroys him. As the Kikainoids mourn Stacey appears, congratulates the World Pirates and immediately double crosses them, calling Kudakks to kill them, only for Kaito, actually floating above the battlefield, to shoot them down. The two groups planned the deception together, the Goldtsuikar's declaring Kaito is just more interesting, and tell Stacey to fight Kaito himself, so he becomes Stacaesar. The Zenakisers and Twokaiser leap into battle, Kaito and Zox challenging Stacey directly. Stacey summons his JAKQ copies, which take Zenkaiser out of the fight, Twokaiser uses JAKQ to utilise Big One's command over JAKQ, turning them on Stacey forcing him to destroy them. As Kaito recovers, Battle Caesar Robo arrives, and Twokai-Oh Riki opposes the initial attack, then Twokai-Oh Katana takes part in a sunset duel, bring ultimately victorious, Battle Casear Robo destroyed. Stacey, beaten leaves, swearing vengeance on Kaito and Zox. Ijirude, frustrated, intends to review his in-progress plans. The two groups celebrate together.
Dogengers Nice Buddy: It's time for the Japan Dogengers Golf Tournament, Gomentaiko Cup. On hole 3 El Brave is 6 over par, Ohgaman is 6 under, the rest are doing reasonably, Tanaka is a caddy. At base Aku no Himitsu Kessya's members are watching, as Shaberryman, Great Z and Riku. Riku is eating, Great Z isn't. Flashback shows the confrontation, Riku telling his father his body clearly can't take more and wanting to take over as Great Z, Great Z refusing, and they've been cool to each other since. Riku drags Shaberryman to the Dogengers base, putting on his stage Great Z suit, trying to take Yabai Kamen back, Maid Shitsuji immediately intervenes and beats Maid Shitsuji after he stops them injuring Riku. They start talking after Riku takes off the suit and patching Shaberryman up, he reveals to the Villains that Riku is not Great Z, all the villains thought he was. Riku agrees to relate his story. He had been working for Pizza Cooc, going through the motions, while his father was the president of Hanagata Tokusatsu, producers of the Galaxy Great series, he had loved Great K as a kid. Returning home, pictures show his father with Great A, while his punk lifestyle felt like a disappointment, but his father came to his room asking for his help. And so he helped work on Great Z behind the scenes, giving stuff during the debut stage, handing weapons to Yabai Kamen during filming, and filling in as Great Z for the stage show. The reason Great Z sounds like him is due to a voice changer in the suit. He wants to support his father's dreams. Yabai Kamen offers some advice. Tanaka returns home, telling Maid Shitsuji about the heroes arguing over Janken when he's interrupted by Riku making his presence known. Tanaka thinks he's Great Z, Yabai Kamen stops Uzagi explaining the truth. Riku asks Tanaka why he's a hero, not why he became a hero but his reason for fighting, only for Tanaka to interrupt to say he loves the Galaxy Great series, showing a pamphlet he has from the Great A movie, causing the two to get distracted talking about their shared love for it, Yabai Kamen interrupts to have the question answered, it's because he loves heroes, and it's thanks to Hanagata Tokusatsu he has this love. Riku goes to leave, but Tanaka asks why he's a hero, still thinking he's Great Z, Riku can only conclude his father is doing it because if Riku's love for Great K, and tells Tanaka it's the same, reason. Great Z still sits at the table, thinking about Riku's words. He hasn't eaten, he hasn't taken his medicine, and he hasn't slept.
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“Wet Sugar” [Part 1 of 30]
Summary:
Erik Stevens has fully embraced his new identity as Killmonger and infiltrated a mercenary group with ties to Ulysses Klaue. Invited to St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands to meet for the first time, Klaue is impressed with Erik, unaware that the man before him is the son of Prince N'Jobu Udaku, a man he betrayed on a failed mission in Wakanda years ago.
Erik ingratiates himself to Klaue and is found to be a useful member of the new mercenary team the black market arms dealer and smuggler is putting together.
As a reward for hard and profitable work for him, Ulysses allows Erik to stay a summer at his stash/safe house to keep a close eye on some stolen artifacts hidden there. Erik uses that time to hatch the long term plan of using Klaue to gain access to Wakanda, however, he becomes distracted by Klaue's housekeeper who allows Erik glimpses into a possible different life he could have if he ever let go of his plans for revenge...
For mature audiences only. NSFW.
C.W.: Some violence in the beginning.
Please let me know what you think, share/reblog/etc. Off to get the next update up and ready!
"Bad man, nuh talk, West London me walk
No bad vibes in mi yard, or yuh hear di ting back (boom)
Gyally dem ah call, see the money and the car
Celly ah ring off, rum-rum, haffi start, ya hear me?
Mi buss ah Champ' and then they watch we, ya hear me?
Mi have di liquor and di big tree, ya hear me?
No commotion in my circle
Potent herb and a sweet, sweet girl
Take you 'round the world
No-no-no bad vibes in my yard, hmm
Inna my yard, inna my yard, inna my yard…"
Goldlink – "Yard"
What's past is prologue…
Ulysses Klaue had heard rumors of a large hoard of ancient gold coins worth €4 million hidden inside Assyrian-era giant winged bulls. The entire cache of five-foot statues themselves could not be transported nor disguised because of their weight and size, but some of the heads were removed and sold on the black market. Dating back 3,000 years, they were a hot commodity after the destruction of the Mosul Museum in Iraq. Klaue knew this because he had buyers salivating for a chance to procure the heads. And some of those heads had coins hidden in them. It was why he found himself standing now in front of a tall young Black man, American, with gold slugs on his two bottom canines, and a mop of neatly braided locs.
Klaue stared at the intel he had on his field computer.
"You're saying the statues we're looking for are gone already?" Klaue asked.
"ISIL already transported all that shit."
Wide-legged stance, protective ballistic body armor draped over an impressive build, his hands holding an AR-15 pointed right at Klaue's head, this man was in control of the situation. He had five other men from his team standing behind him backing him up with their weapons drawn too. Serious beefy looking men who would shoot if their leader even blinked. The red dot on Klaue's chest was a polite way of letting him know there were snipers on his ass too.
"Stand down," Klaue ordered his men behind him. A rough motley crew of six international soldiers of fortune.
"Alhusul ealaa al'ashya' alkhasat bihim," the Black man said.
Men that Klaue and his team didn't even know were behind them materialized like ghosts, snatching up their weapons and frisking them for more.
"Is this necessary?" Klaue asked as a thick-set mercenary felt on his balls and behind his back squeezing his ass.
"Gotta be thorough in this bitch."
Klaue smirked.
"May I ask who I have the pleasure of getting my nuts tweaked by?" Klaue said.
The man rolled his tongue along his bottom teeth, the gold slugs shining in the sunset. He nodded his head to his team to round Klaue's men up. Once the men were secured and a non-threat, the man lowered his weapon. His dark brown eyes were razor sharp and they regarded Klaue with calculated verve.
"Killmonger."
###
The oldest profession in the world was prostitution.
The second…killers for hire.
Of course, there were kinder more veiled names for mercenaries nowadays:
Soldiers of Fortune.
Private Military Contractors.
Professional Hired Fighters.
Dogs of War.
But Erik "Killmonger" Stevens knew what it was. Murder Incorporated—monetized madness.
The business of war was to keep a perpetual cycle of conflict all over the world so fat cats could make their coins under the guise of professional conflict management. If his mother were still alive, she would say what she always said around her women friends and his very own father…men were trash.
And she was right.
Unfortunately, she gave birth to a son who had to maneuver among the garbage so that he could fulfill his destiny. A destiny of revenge. A making right of what had been wrong for so long.
On the days that he did have downtime and could sit and do nothing at all, Erik would catch a news report or some ticker tape lede on the bottom of C-SPAN, CNN, MSNBC, or the BBC—just about any global news outlet—and catch glimpses of his final endgame. T'Chaka Udaku.
A king.
An elder statesmen.
A blood relative.
A lifelong enemy.
Erik's body would coil tight and hot when he let his mind imagine the day he would be in the presence of his Uncle. He foresaw the moment he would pull back the thick flesh of his bottom lip, the glowing blue vibram tattoo his father gave him as a child embedded deep in the skin of his inner mouth.
He ached to show the ring his father had left for him dangling around his neck, ached to taste and feed on the moment he would reveal all to King T'Chaka, unveil his birthright, and then snap the old man's neck with his bare hands, appreciating the feel of vertebrae cracking and twisting beneath his powerful calloused fingers. Or maybe he would fashion panther claws for himself and rip the man's heart out through his chest. Erik relished the thought. He would bring down—no…eradicate—he would eradicate the old House of Udaku, destroy T'Chaka's bloodline branch and take the throne of Wakanda for himself. A new sun would set on the golden city of Birnin Zana, the place of his father's birth.
Erik was his father's son, but he was also his mother's child, and Califia Stevens didn't raise no simpering punk. He was taught to be a soldier the moment he fell out of his mother's womb. The war he was going to rage was groomed by all of the things that happened in his life and all the things he was learning while biding his time in the ranks of private armies. Sitting back in the cut, gathering new skills and Intel, moving closer to finding the man he needed to get him into Wakanda: Ulysses Klaue. A man who sat at the top of his kill list for right now.
Erik sat crossed-legged overlooking a sand berm keeping watch for a particular caravan of armored S.U.V.s to traverse their path. The sun was making its way to a sluggish sunset, and his military-issue sunglasses protected his tired eyes. He hadn't slept in forty-eight hours and the job he was meant to complete was only halfway finished.
Earlier in the day, his crack team of fifteen men pulled off a bold daytime robbery of highly-sought after Assyrian gold coins. Disguised as U.N. peace-keepers dedicated to preserving artifacts, Erik was the only American on the removal team. He was tasked with masquerading as an art historian since the Canadians with them couldn't sound like authentic Londoners. The non-prescription glasses he wore and the crisp British accent he perfected allowed him to dupe a few Iraqi guards, especially with his fluency with Arabic and his thoughtful acknowledgment of Jumu'ah, the Friday prayers.
While Erik pretended to sit aside respectfully on an offered prayer rug in the midst of an isolated bunker holding the goods they sought, his phony U.N. gear a bit too tight, the guards thanked him for respecting their time in contemplation of Allah. The beneficent. The merciful. Moments later they were tied up and blind-folded left shackled together in the interior of the ravaged bunker that hid the last of the priceless winged bull statues that were hidden for their protection. Erik did let them finish their prayers though.
Time wasn't wasted, what needed to be found was found and bagged up, the heavy weight of the gold bending the backs of five men carting it out onto phony U.N. Jeeps. On the wings of hummingbirds as his great-grandmother used to say when it came to speed and efficiency. An expert strategist and obsessive pre-planner, Erik facilitated the logistics and implementation of the entire operation. They had to be gone before dusk as the heavy hitters from various political factions began to roam. The dry heat was fucking exhausting, made breathing laborious, and the lack of sleep was messing with Erik's focus. His men were ready to dip, but he had to wait, had to take the chance that the man he was scouting for would show.
"Killmonger."
Tahir, the one man Erik considered as close of a so-called friend with the work that he did, stood next to him, his AK-47 resting on his hip, his tan and black shemagh covering his neck and head. Erik glanced up, his own shemagh twisting around his neck tight. He loosened it.
"We should probably leave while it is still quiet."
"Nah. We got time." Gruff and brusque. That's how Erik kept it with the men.
Tahir placed his left hand on his hip and glanced behind him. He was always the one sent to question Erik. The rest were afraid of him, afraid of his quick temper. Afraid of the self-inflicted keloid scars that covered most of his upper body.
Erik looked past Tahir, could see the only other two Iraqis, Amit, and Wassef eyeing him from their sniper positions. He could feel the eyes of the others on him, the Greek, the Egyptian, the two Jordanians, the Russian and the three Canadians. The rest were hidden with their two Mi-17's a quarter of a mile away among the bullet-ridden wreckage of left behind helicopters from failed wars inflicted by the U.S. military.
"We have the gold. Let's go get paid and have some drinks. We can be in Lebanon in a few hours, I know some pretty girls, some nice clubs…"
"We'll wait. I need to see if this dude shows," Erik said, softening his tone with Tahir.
"You should eat something."
"Later," Erik whispered as he saw the approach of the caravan he was looking for.
###
A smart mercenary always checked out their target before any engagement. Someone on Klaue's team didn't do their homework and Erik had the man in his crosshairs. Klaue was shorter and ruddier than he thought the man would be. His reputation seemed larger than life, but the reality was a bit of a disappointment. Little dick energy all the way around. He was also slipping because Erik knew for a fact that some of his men tipped Erik's team off to the coins in the abandoned bunker. Getting past I.E.D's, insurgents, and American PMC checkpoints, Klaue's people looked pretty sorry in front of their main man being plucked by Erik.
"Listen, Killmonger. We'll just be on our way. No harm, no foul," Klaue said as he sat on the ground looking up at Erik.
No harm no foul. Yeah, right. Klaue would take any opening to put a bullet in Erik's head, and in the dome of whoever allowed this clusterfuck on his side.
"We just came for statues," Klaue said.
"With what? Three S.U.V.s? You can't even fit the head of one statue in those. Come again."
Klaue's eyes grew suspicious. Just as Erik expected.
"We have the coins," Erik said.
Klaue let his head drop down and he chuckled, his gold-rimmed teeth glinting. The snake had to come up with a plan fast.
The rat-a-tat-tat-tat sound of machine gun fire in the distance caught Erik's attention. Time was up. It was time to set the trap for this man. Erik knelt down.
Takka takka!
The gunfire was ticking closer.
"Just take the fucking coins and let us go."
An AR-15 near him and Klaue wasn't even flinching. The sweat on his forehead was just from the heat. Erik flipped his weapon behind him.
"I don't give a fuck about those coins. My boss does. But I'm here for something more valuable and it's not here." Erik kept his voice low enough so that only Klaue could hear him.
Klaue's eyes observed him with keen curiosity.
Erik dipped closer to Klaue's ear lobe, making his own men nervous. Erik's sour breath warmed Klaue's ear.
"I'm looking for vibranium," Erik said. He sat back on his haunches and tapped the man's prosthetic left arm that was bound tight. Erik wasn't taking any chances. He was well aware that the arm was a dangerous weapon. Klaue could easily wipe them out, but he was a pursuer of information, and more than illicit goods, useful intel was golden. This bitch was squirming on the hook. None of these motherfuckers around them knew what vibranium was.
"Who are you?" Klaue said, his voice sounding like it was in awe.
"The stash that was supposed to be here isn't. I don't know who got to it first, but it wasn't you or me—"
SSssss-BLAM!
The RPG came in fast and destroyed the first S.U.V. in Klaue's entourage.
Erik's men returned fire for cover as Tahir radioed for their choppers to extract them and the gold. Erik grabbed Klaue by his collar and hoisted him up to his feet. Tahir threw a yellow smoke grenade and stood in front of Erik and Klaue.
The hard whop-whop sounds of their Mi-17s surrounded them as Wassef and Amit slung their RPGs on their shoulders and returned rocket grenades to buy them time. The first chopper landed and their surly Canadian side gunner Wally G rolled the chopper door open and waved for them frantically.
"We got incoming from the north," Wally G yelled.
Erik's men quickly loaded their bounty of gold and split up to enter both choppers for the extraction.
"Move your asses!" Wally G screamed.
Erik yanked on the handcuffed and rope-bound Klaue and dragged him over to the first Mi-17 and threw him in.
"Let's go!" Erik yelled propping his AR-15 in position to help protect his side gunners on the chopper. His return fire bought Tahir more time to move.
Amit fired one last RPG to protect Klaue's men. Erik sent most over to the second chopper, and once Amit jumped aboard the first Mi-17, Erik waved his arm and their pilot Elias took off.
A sizeable enemy force swept into where they once stood. The chopper Erik was on was picking up fire from everywhere. Erik shot back from the open door and he could hear Elias bitching from the cockpit.
"Why the fuck did you have us wait?" Elias screeched.
"Just fly the fucking bird!" Erik shouted while still returning fire.
A stream of fuel ran down the inside of the chopper’s windscreen.
"Fuck!" Elias yelled, "One of my feed tanks is out!"
"Jesus Christ!" a man screamed.
Erik looked back into the rear of the chopper, two of Klaue's men had been hit, the screams of the wounded mixing in with the rapid-fire babble of Erik's men trying to figure out their next move. They were outnumbered by the men on the ground and the number of vehicles chasing after the limping Mi-17.
They were spilling volumes of fuel.
"Stop fucking shooting!" Erik cried out. All he needed was for one of their bullets to ricochet and spark the fuel vapors filling up the chopper. They could explode in mid-air.
"I gotta put her down, Killmonger!"
Erik moved to the cockpit and grabbed the radio.
"Banks! Banks! We gotta find a clear LZ. We've been hit!"
"Dammit, Killmonger!" Banks fired back with crackled intensity through the radio speaker.
Erik and the others felt the sudden drop and swoop of the chopper as Elias did his best to make a soft landing.
Night had fallen and Erik's men disembarked with Klaue's men. Through it all, Klaue was cool as a cucumber, watching Erik's every move. Tahir, eased over to Erik, his eyes watching the horizon as vehicle lights traced them in the distance.
"Too many of us, we all won't fit," Tahir grumbled.
"I'll make it work," Erik hissed, his eyes thwarted by the flash and hiss of an enemy RPG.
"Incoming!" Tahir screamed, and the grenade blew up a mere two hundred feet from them tossing dark sand into the air.
The second chopper pilot, Banks, landed and they loaded up. They were more than the number of bodies allowed based on the flight manual. Erik pulled Klaue up by his arms.
"Crunching numbers time. Who do you fuck with and who did you dirty?" Erik asked.
"Killmonger!" Banks yelled.
The enemy was getting closer.
Klaue glared at his men, his eyes going to the three that Erik already knew played him. Erik gave a cruel sneer and cut Klaue loose from the rope that bound his arms.
"See ya!" Erik said giving Tahir a head nod. The men were pushed out of the chopper.
"Klaue!" one of them screamed.
"Let's go!" Erik shouted to Banks.
The Mi-17 lifted up and Klaue's traitorous men flailed their arms begging to be taken.
Erik heard the sharp hiss and loud explosion of an RPG down below.
He already knew those men were in bloody pieces now. His eyes glanced over at Klaue who was stuffed between two of his henchmen. Erik's boys watched them like hawks, but Erik wasn't worried about them trying anything. Their lives had been saved. If Erik and his crew weren't there, they would've been killed by turncoats. Gold coins were probably the last things on their minds as the Mi-17 dipped and swooped amid rocket grenades.
The chopper headed toward a remote airstrip.
Erik stared at Tahir and grabbed at his stomach.
"Yo, I'm hungry as fuck."
###
The mid-morning American Airlines flight touched down at the Cyril E. King Airport with a soft bounce. Walking down the ramp and onto the tarmac, the wet heat engulfed Erik's face. He wore a light cream-collared linen long-sleeve shirt and loose jeans. He always kept his arms covered when he traveled, his keloid markings too much of a distraction in public. His two large bags were waiting for him at guest services. His flight from Miami had been delayed because of tropical storm weather, but for some strange reason, his luggage went out on an earlier flight.
He saw one of Klaue's men holding a handwritten sign with his name on it. Killmonger. Erik waved and carried his things to the tall Black man with the clean-shaven face and dark mocha skin.
"I'm Polk," the man said. Polk was dressed in comfortable basketball shorts, a plain white t-shirt and slip on sandals. Vacation gear.
They shared a handshake and Erik followed him out to a nice burgundy Mazda S.U.V. idling with another burly man in the driver's seat.
"That's Huntsman," Polk said helping Erik put his suitcases in the trunk.
Huntsman regarded Erik cooly, his pale white skin sunburned and overly pink in spots as Erik stepped into the back of the Mazda.
"Welcome to the team," Huntsman said and Erik picked up the Afrikaans accent in his voice.
"Thanks," Erik said.
"You hungry? We can grab something on the way to the house," Polk said as he stared back at Erik from the passenger seat.
"Nah, I'm good," Erik said.
Erik had to orient himself to the driving once he realized St. Thomas residents drove on the left side like the English.
"We have our own cook, so if you do get hungry later, she can whip something up for you," Polk said. Erik nodded, his eyes watching the crowd of cars jammed on the two-lane road leading away from the airport.
The scenery eventually swept past as they drove into Charlotte Amalie. Erik saw the port dock that housed the large cruise ships, floating cities on the way up into the hills.
"You ever been to the islands before?" Polk asked.
"Nah. Never found the time," Erik said still staring out of the window.
St. Thomas was not very big, only thirty-two square miles. In about twenty minutes the car was already crawling into an area of hills that elevated them. Erik noticed quite a few green and multi-colored iguanas lounging in the street and meandering on the sides of the road.
"Harmless," Polk said when he noticed Erik staring at them, "they are everywhere. Think of them as the squirrels of the island."
Erik nodded.
"We're here," Huntsman said.
The Mazda entered a guarded gate. Once it was opened and they drove through, Erik realized they were actually on a compound that had a grouping of houses. They parked in front of the main house. Polk helped Erik with his things.
"I'll walk him down to our area," Polk said.
Erik rolled his heaviest suitcase and trailed Polk as they made their way down a path blooming with colorful foliage and crawling with more iguanas. One large iguana blocked their path and Erik looked at the regal creature. It was blue and pink in the face with a mottled pink and brown body that had what looked like green plant-like growths on it. It hissed and Polk had them walk around it with a wide berth.
"Harmless, but a bit of an attitude sometimes," Polk said.
Erik chuckled and soon found himself entering a tastefully furnished house.
"You can have the room on the right. When we get full, we usually have to bunk with people, but this first week there are only eight of us here, so plenty of room and privacy.
Erik nodded.
"I'll let you get settled. Meet us at the front house around 1 p.m.? Klaue will want to see you for lunch."
Erik nodded and Polk left him alone.
The room assigned to Erik was nice and airy. He opened the window across from his bed to bring in the fresh island air. Unpacking slowly and methodically, he organized his space and was happy that he had his own bathroom.
He took a quick shower to wash away the flight and travel sweat from his body. He touched the two new keloid scars under the waterproof bandage that his cousin Marisol helped place on his lower back the month before. They were healing, slowly, the itch and scarring pain still present. Lately, he had been flying to Sao Paulo Brazil more often, and Marisol was not happy to perform the scarring ritual for him anymore, especially when his visits brought her pain because they were short-lived, often only for two or three days and then he was gone to the next assignment. She knew what the marks were for. She had one on her own side hip that he helped put there for her.
He allowed the water to run over his locs and then tilted his head back, letting the cool liquid drench his beard. He was tired and antsy at the same time. He had to be very careful in the lion's den.
"What are you doing down here?"
The melodious voice startled him, it was so close to the small frosted window he cracked open in the bathroom, and he turned to try and see who was speaking.
Erik was about to answer, but then he realized the person wasn't talking to him at all but to someone else outside.
"What I tell you 'bout coming down here? Don't look at me like that. You stay up above. Hear me now?"
The woman's island voice was sweet, lyrical almost, and had the fussy quality that reminded him of his great-grandmother when she was fussing with his mother. Whoever she was addressing didn't answer.
"Jerome! You hear me. Get yourself back up top. Now!"
Erik heard the stomping of feet.
"What are you doin' making all this noise?"
Another woman's voice joined the first.
"Jerome. His wife and alla his pickney up at the front house waiting on him. And he's down here being nosey. Get!"
"Gyal! Leave that thing alone. Him no listen to all that shrillness comin' from your mouth. Like he'll understand you—"
"They understand me. When I told him to move his ass from the driveway before that devil man ran him over, you seen how fast he move. Him know what I say. Right, Jerome?"
Erik dried off and tried to get dressed in fresh clothes fast when he heard a knock on the front door.
"Inside," the voice of the second woman greeted him kindly.
Erik pulled on a pair of black sweats and opened the front door.
An older woman with graying neat plaits stared at his chest. The scars startled her.
"Sorry," she said averting her eyes. Her hands carried clean beach towels and sunblock.
"It's cool," Erik said. His eyes swept past her looking for the person he heard moments before.
"I'm Miss Leona. I do the cooking and help take care of the property. I came down to ask if you had any food allergies."
"No, I can eat anything."
"Good," she said, her eyes focusing on his face. The graying hair didn't seem to match her youthful face and big bright white teeth.
"Just so you know, bathroom etiquette is simple. If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. Use the bottled water for drinking, and all laundry can be done at the front house in the laundry room down below. There's a little apartment down there. Just drop the things you need to be cleaned in the laundry bag—"
"I can do my own laundry," Erik said.
Leona nodded and handed him the towels and sunblock.
"We have a pool at the middle house, and if you prefer sea water, there's a path by the pool that leads down to the private beach area. The water is very warm this season, and stays warm into the night."
Leona allowed her eyes to flit across his chest as she regarded his scars again.
"Is that…is that a condition? Do you need any creams or ointments? I can bring some—"
"I'm good. Thank you for asking."
"I don't mean to stare Mr. Killmonger. I have a nephew that has some tissue damage on his back, and it looks like that."
"No worries."
"I will leave you be then—"
"Who was the person you were talking to a minute ago? I heard someone else and she was talking to someone…Jerome?"
Leona laughed and pointed behind her.
"That was just Yani, my niece. She helps me out around here. She was just chatting with him."
Leona pointed and Erik saw the rainbow-colored iguana perched on a small tree in front of the house.
Erik smiled.
"I thought she was really talking to someone."
"Oh, she was. She and Jerome have a history together. She's known him since he was a baby. He doesn't listen to anyone but her."
"He's a big dude."
"Yes. But he won't bother you if you don't bother him. Get Yani if he does give you trouble."
"Will do. Thanks. How many houses are on the property?"
"Three. Mr. Klaue stays in the house down below. The two other houses are for his…men."
"Okay. Thanks Miss Leona."
"You're welcome. I will see you at lunch then? Mr. Klaue likes a late lunch, so I usually have things prepared by 1:30. Today will be a light sesame salad with salmon."
"Any local fish?"
"Sometimes. Mr. Klaue has me ship in things when he wants them. See you at lunch!"
Leona left him, and he was left standing in front of Jerome who watched him with wary eyes from his place in the tree.
"Don't make me call Yani on your ass," he said glaring at the iguana.
Erik finished dressing in a short-sleeved soccer shirt. He laced up a pair of New Balance sneakers and took a walk around the property.
He walked around the small pool that was only six feet deep and found the trail that led down to the beach. If Leona hadn't told him there was a path near the pool, he would never have found it. As it was, he felt secretive slipping down the hill and working his way to the sounds of open water.
"Whoa," he sighed when he finally found the entrance to a breathtaking sight. Clear water with soft sugary white sand and a beautiful view of an isolated smaller island further out in the sea. The sun beat down on him and he looked around to see if there was anyone else around. No one. It was quiet and hidden by part of a cove that had rock structures that curved away from where Erik stood. There were no other footprints or signs of any other human presence.
The water called to him.
Erik looked around again, then slipped off his shoes, pants, underwear and shirt. What a way to start his first day in paradise. He splashed into the water and it felt like he was crawling into the womb of life, the warmth cradling his tired limbs.
Paradise.
The place where he would plot against Klaue. Right in his own home.
###
Yani Galiber was always fussing with Jerome.
Ever since she rescued him from his first car accident as a baby when one of Klaue's drivers ran over his tail seven years previous. She had been fourteen and devastated, thinking her little friend would die. But then his tail grew back and she had been fussing with him ever since.
She was sent by her Aunt Leona to check the water cistern on Klaue's main house where he stayed. Sometimes an iguana would fall in and clog the waterway, and the man had been asking about water pressure. She made a point to check the roof gutters that helped collect water in case there was plant refuse or some other detritus stuck up there. When she ran into Jerome on the way back up, she noticed cuts on his skin. He must've been fighting the other male iguana that had moved into his territory. Unlike most of the iguanas around the property, Jerome was a drama queen and started trouble with other iguanas that weren't his children or mates, and sometimes he went after humans he didn't like.
After leaving her Aunt with Jerome, she headed back to the front house to grab a soda before her Aunt had her helping with lunch. She thought she may have time use her breast pump in private to fix her baby daughter Sydette's bottles for the evening when she had to go to work at her night job as a hostess at Havana Blue, a beach-front restaurant in the main part of Charlotte Amalie. Her cousin Monice would pick her up by 2:30 and drop her off at her Aunt Leona's apartment where she would spend time with Sydette before handing her over to her other cousin Twyla who would watch Sydette until Yani made it home to sleep. And depending on how busy Klaue kept her Aunt, Yani would travel back and forth to help work at the compound.
Yani cobbled together a life and set her sights on saving enough money to attend nursing school since her university plans of becoming a doctor had been derailed with the birth of her daughter. It was still a touchy subject with her parents who had allowed her to take a year off after she graduated high school to follow the crazy dream she had with her then-boyfriend Chez who was going to be the biggest rapper from St. Thomas after he was signed to a small record company in Miami.
Yani had sung background vocals for him around island clubs there and when they island hopped to Puerto Rico or Jamaica and as far as Trinidad. Chez was supposed to make it big and pay for Yani's education, but a year after graduating, Yani fell pregnant, she broke up with Chez, he lost the record contract due to a failed single not charting anywhere, and she was stuck living with her cousin and Aunt because she couldn't afford anywhere on her own and her parents didn't want the stigma in their home among her younger sisters. She was the tainted oldest child who had thrown her life away by having a baby with a SoundCloud level struggle rapper. For shame.
Her baby girl Sydette was a joy, but Yani found it difficult to nurse a baby and still try and nurse a medical career of some kind. A nurse was about as high as she could go now, and she set her sights on getting into the nursing college of her choice the following year. She just needed to get her money right to help take care of Sydette and tuition.
Klaue's compound was a way to make good money, especially when he had a lot of people there. Her Aunt Leona always made sure to pull her in to work for the under the table cash. Klaue paid well. The more men there, the more they made.
Yani and her Aunt were fully aware that Klaue was into some nefarious dealings. Even though he owned two jewelry stores, one in Charlotte Amalie, and one on St. John island, they were just legal fronts for some bad guy stuff. Leona didn't think they were drug dealers, but they did sell something illegal. Did something that required a private compound and sometimes armed guards when Klaue was gone. But as long as the money was good and they stayed out of the way when not needed, Yani had no problem working there. Her Aunt had been doing it for twelve years.
Yani took some time to slip into a bedroom in the front house with her breast pump. She filled three bottles and put them in a plastic bag inside the kitchen freezer to take home later for Sydette. Bottles made, she helped prepare lunch with her Aunt. All the houses were clean and prepped for Klaue's people, so Yani enjoyed the respite.
"What time are they eating, Auntie?"
"Mr. Klaue said around 1:30."
Yani washed her hands in the kitchen sink. She sneaked a nectarine from a bowl on the dining table.
"That's for the guests."
"They won't miss one piece of fruit."
"Where you goin'?"
"The beach—"
"Don't stay down there all day, Yani—"
"Just a quick dip. I promise."
"I'll need your help putting things out—"
"I'll be back. Quick, quick…" she said flouncing out of sight.
###
The path was a tiny sanctuary.
It felt like she was traveling into a secret garden.
Even though she grew up around water all her life, was nicknamed The Mermaid because of her love for it and knew practically every bay and cove on the island, there was something special about this small patch of land that led to this particular little private beach. Private only because the topography made it difficult for small boats to get to and tourists to walk without having to climb some terrain.
Klaue wasn't a swimmer, not all that much anyway, and his men never came down this way, so it was hers. Yaniland.
She ate the nectarine and began pulling her top off when she halted, fruit dangling between her teeth.
Someone was in her private paradise.
A man was swimming in her water.
She felt vexed until she walked closer.
He was floating naked on his back oblivious to her gawking at him full of irritation. He was spoiling her space. She pulled the fruit from her mouth.
"Hey! You out there! What are you doin' here?"
The man dunked under the crystal waters and when he came back up, he shook loose locs around the crown of his head.
Yani shielded her eyes.
"You talking to me?" he asked.
"You see anyone else here?"
"Why you so salty? You don't even know me, Ma!"
"Ma? You call me your mother? Do I look like your mother to you?"
"Relax Steve Irwin—"
"What you call me?"
"You the one talking to the iguana?"
"What iguana?"
"Earlier, up at the middle house…Jerome."
Yani scrunched up her face.
"How you know I talked to Jerome?"
"I was in the house. I'm the new guy."
"Killmonger?"
"Yeah."
"Who told you to come down here?"
"Your Aunt."
Yani sucked her teeth. It was loud enough for him to hear and he laughed at her.
"Is this your private beach?"
"No," she said folding her arms across her chest.
"Then I can swim here."
He moved in closer until the water was at his waist.
There were bumps all over his chest and waist, but none below…
Lookie.
His privates were distorted a bit from the sun's angle hitting the water, but she could see it closer. She felt her eyes fuse in her skull. She was staring at a naked man she didn't know.
"Were you planning on getting in? I can leave if you want some privacy."
"I was, but you can stay in…"
He looked down at himself then back at her.
"I'll leave—"
"Wait!"
Yani stepped back and her nectarine fell out of her hand.
"I don't want to make this weird for you. I'll leave first so you can swim or put your clothes on."
"Close your eyes. You walked all the way down here to enjoy yourself. I'll put on my stuff and let you have at it."
Yani closed her eyes and she heard the splash of water as the man left the sea.
"All good now," he said.
When she opened her eyes, he had his sweatpants on and held his shirt and shoes in his hands.
"Yani?" he asked.
"Yeah…"
She felt her voice die in her throat when she saw his bottom canines between his lips. She wasn't shy about staring at his scars. He was much taller than her.
Killmonger.
This was the man Klaue was bragging on the last two days. The man that Polk and Huntsman grumbled about at the dinner the previous night. It seemed Killmonger had favor with Klaue and those two brutes didn't like it so much. Yani had heard Huntsman call the man an ursurper. She expected to see some piggish white man with swine-like features and dragon fire spewing from his mouth. The only unsettling thing about him was the keloid scars. And only because they didn't look random at all nor accidental.
"You not hot wearing that on your head?" he asked.
Yani touched the top of her head. She still had her beanie on from earlier in the day. It had been cold that morning when she arrived. She wore a dark Naruto t-shirt and baggy orange sweats and just because he mentioned her head cover, she suddenly felt overheated wearing so much clothing on the beach. The heat was beating her down. She needed to be in the water. But she needed him to leave because she too liked to swim nude. But now that he knew about this place, she would probably have to change the times she came down. And she most definitely couldn't swim naked again while he was here. He was ruining everything.
She pulled her beanie off. Her scalp was grateful, her short buzz cut allowing the heat to toast the dyed blonde hair on her head.
"I'll go check on Jerome," he said.
Up close his voice had a playful raspy quality to it. His gold slugs peeked at her again when he smiled. He had dimples like her Sydette.
"Oh!" she said.
She wanted to grab her breasts when she felt her nipples leaking suddenly.
"What?" he asked, his face looking curious.
"I forgot something!"
She took off running back up to the front house clutching at her chest.
Leona was clearing space on the dining table for the lunch meal when Yani ran in.
"What's going on?"
"My titties are leaking."
"You're not wearing that special padded bra I bought for you? I got you four of those to help with that.
"I forgot," Yani called from the bathroom. She wiped down her nipples and stuffed tissue inside her bra to soak up anything else that decided to express itself from her tits. She couldn't wait for Sydette to be done with breastfeeding so her titty milk could dry up.
She walked out of the bathroom to find her Aunt talking to Killmonger and she felt her nipples acting up again. The tissue would have to work miracles.
Watching Killmonger converse she noticed how giddy her Aunt was acting with him. He was sweet with her, asking questions about the island, about her, what she did when she didn't work at the house. Before she knew it, lunch was ready and Killmonger was helping Leona bring the food to the table. Now he was taking over her job.
The other men arrived and Yani joined her Aunt in the kitchen to stay out of their way. Klaue sat at the head of the table with Killmonger by his side, and when she heard the new man speak again, she realized that her tits were reacting to his voice, her milk was leaking again. Only her baby could do that to her sometimes when she cried or needed something.
What the hell was this man doing to her?
She pressed her fingers against her nipples to push the tissue paper closer to her tips.
Who was he?
###
Smooth sun-kissed brown skin. Lips plump. Eyes big and bright. Eyebrows dark and thick.
Yani favored her Aunt and Erik found himself staring at her while he ate lunch with the men and Klaue.
One minute she was making him feel like he didn't belong in her space and the next he was watching her run away from him, her thick ass cheeks bouncing and making him think thoughts he had put aside. He hadn't been with a woman for about three months and quite frankly, hadn't missed the company because of all the work he had been doing. Once he hooked Klaue into his orbit, all Erik could think about was Wakanda and waiting for the perfect time to move on the East African nation.
She was young. This girl, Yani. Probably in her twenties. Mouthy. He liked that. Saw him naked and didn't give a fuck. Until he came closer to her. Then she became modest, probably for his sake and hers. A young woman like her around some treacherous men, she had to be careful.
He wasn't the only one peeping her in the kitchen at lunch. Huntsman was clocking her also. This bothered Erik. So openly wanton.
She was covered up looking like some skater punk he could see on any street corner back home, but she had some curves that strained against the sweatpants. Waist tight probably from swimming a lot. Full breasts. It was the blonde hair that made her dark eyebrows pop. Right now, those eyebrows were furrowed and she was looking right at him. Like she was still mad he had trespassed on her world. The girl who spoke affectionately to iguanas like they were human and yelled at him like he was a big lizard. Erik gave her a grin and she cut her eyes to look at her Aunt who was washing dishes.
By the time lunch was over, Yani was reaching into a refrigerator and grabbing a plastic bag and leaving the house for the day.
The rest of the day was a period of rest and acclimation.
Klaue didn't want to talk shop until the next day, and Erik was happy he could just wander the secure compound. He spotted security cameras everywhere. He learned that each house could be locked down from the inside and secured easily. Klaue called the estate "Our Lady's Manor", naming it after Leona who Klaue affectionately referred to as "My Lady" every chance he got. Leona didn't seem to mind, and she got on well with Klaue in that practiced way that Black people had when in the employ of white people. Klaue may have thought they were close, like family even by the way he fawned over her, but Leona was about her job and getting her work done as expeditiously as possible without getting in anyone's way. Friendly but distant. Smart woman. Klaue was not to be trusted. The presence of guns and ammo didn't faze her or Yani. Money was money.
Erik looked for Yani at dinner and she wasn't around for it. Gone for the rest of the night he assumed. He didn't want to ask Leona about her, afraid of making the older woman suspicious of him for asking about her young niece. He just wanted to let her know that he would be going to the beach early in the morning so that she could have her own personal beach time.
Erik slept well in his new room after smoking some decent herb that Polk gave him to tune out. When his alarm went off at five in the morning, he slipped into some light blue swim trunks and walked barefoot at dawn to the beach.
Body rested, mind clear and sharp, he felt like the wind had been punched out of him when he saw Yani in the water already.
Naked.
Water pearled down her cinnamon brown skin as if she wore diamonds in the early morning waves. Her hips flared out showcasing the beauty of her round posterior that flexed as she poured water over her head.
Once, when he was a child, Erik's mother had taken him to carnival in Sao Paulo and while standing next to his play cousin Marisol and holding his father's hand, Erik saw Yemanjá dancing on a float, the drums of Candomblé pounding in his ears, his little hips moving in time to the rhythm. He thought the woman on the float dressed in gauzy blue scarves was a real Goddess and his mother gently corrected him and explained that she was a representation. That first sensation, the tangible feeling of his heart bursting wide open to make room for the orixá of the sea had stayed with him for a long time. That woman long ago may have been a false divinity, and he could be forgiven for making the mistake with the eyes of a child. But he was a man now, and the being before him splashing in the warm sea was real and divine. Black deities were real. She was in front of him. Yemanjá. He had to be near her.
He shucked his trunks and took his time approaching her.
She dived under the water and he felt that his heart would break if she didn't come back up, wouldn't be surprised at all if she didn't return to the surface, but he needed to see her eyes, needed to make sure she was real.
He stopped short when a small wave crashed into his chest and he allowed himself to be swept with it.
Yani popped back to the surface wiping her hand over her face. She didn't jump or cry out when she saw him wading in the water, didn't try to shield her breasts or the neatly clipped bikini area of her sex, her vulva pouty and rounded, the split between her legs making his dick jump. She was a true ethereal vision and the reverence in his eyes must've stalled any thoughts she may have had of him being a weirdo coming for her.
"Killmonger," she said with no trepidation in her voice, "I see this is going to be a problem, no?"
"Erik," he whispered, trying to find his own voice, "my name is Erik."
[Part 1]
[Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]
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Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch
Summary: Changkyun has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, and he’s determined to make you finally stop looking at him as your little brother’s best friend and see him as a man. This is a story of love, scheming, and hijinks with the help of Changkyun’s friend and a bad date known as the Hannibal.
Pairing: College student! Changkyun x Noona reader
Genre: Crack, fluff, romance, smut, slow burn
Word Count: 19.5K (I really outdid myself this time)
Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, public sex
A/N: This is dedicated to @mzpandylu because I just love making you suffer with me over this brat.
Changkyun has always been too smart for his own good. For as long as he can remember he's been able to weasel his way out of all possible consequences for his varying shenanigans. One might think that now, as an adult, he'd finally outgrown this. But honestly, Changkyun isn't sure if 'adult' is an apt description for him when he's still living in dorms and barely holding down a work-study job. He's honestly not sure how the lab hasn't caught on to the fact that he sometimes makes acid that he's turned a profit on occasionally. But that's neither here nor there. No the main reason why Changkyun doesn't feel like he's really an adult yet isn't because he's still in school, or because he isn't really living on his own yet. No the real reason why he doesn't feel like an adult is because you don't see him as one. A fact that perpetually insults and aggravates him.
There are some facts he's just accepted, no matter how much it annoys him. He can admit now that his parents and you will always see him as a snot-nosed brat. The former he can accept easily, it's the latter that makes him feel the rage of a thousand suns. Not that suns have sentient feelings, but Changkyun's rather fond of the whimsical folly in such an absurd statement.
For as long as Changkyun has known you he's been head-over-heels in love with you. You had this aura to you, and no matter how many times he's tried to pulverize his feelings for you to a bloody pulp they find a way to resurface and grow stronger with even more wide-spread roots. It's been this way for as long as he can remember really.
He first met you when he really was just a snot-nosed punk. He was all of six years old, the new kid in town. You were ten, the cute next door neighbor who tolerated him due to your mutual voracious appetites in books but mostly because he became fast friends with your little brother, Hyungwon, who was a year older than him but in the same grade. There were a lot of things he learned about you that summer, most importantly he learned that you had mastered the armbar already and had no qualms with using it to get revenge on Hyungwon for saving over your Pokemon Yellow file.
Three years later you got your period for the first time, a moment that Changkyun has seared into his brain because he continued pestering you about how tampons were used to which you threatened to shove your history textbook up his ass. Even then, he knew that you really would throw down and he never brought it up again.
Flash forward to his thirteenth summer, this is the first time Changkyun would realize that he was in love with you. That it wasn't just that he thought you were cute or the epitome of cool. No no, this was the beginning stages of puppy love. Although, at this point in his life he was less concerned with his infatuation with his best friend's sister and what his budding feelings meant and was more concerned with the fact that he sprung boners just from hearing you laugh. To his credit, that's a very common problem at that age. Unfortunately for him...he still pops random boners from thinking about you. It didn't help that by this age, you at 17 years old, had already started blossoming into your body, something that would take many more years for the same to happen to him. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone, but he sometimes still jerks off to memories of you lounging around the pool that summer.
When he was fourteen he finally started high school. It was the only year that he was able to attend with you, but that one year was magical. Thanks to your overprotective nature for your brother who would fall asleep standing up in between classes he saw you very often. You were also his ride to and from school. He had been shocked, and deeply offended, to find out that you weren't considered one of the cool kids at school. You stuck mostly to yourself, or to whatever book was closest to you. A sentiment that still relates to him. That year though you had somehow managed to get him access to his first ever party containing illegal substances.
The party had been held at Wonho's house, a senior who was that dude. You know that dude, the one that everyone loved and either wanted to be him or wanted to bone him? Well, that was Wonho. Changkyun can still vividly recall wandering around aimlessly out of sheer boredom when he found you making out with a guy he was sure was bad news. Shownu. Shownu was already out of high school and living on his own. He could easily have picked Changkyun up by the collar and flung him to the opposite side of the room if he wanted to. But no, he was usually too busy boning you to acknowledge his competition.
Changkyun was always quick to point out to everyone that would listen that he thought it was gross that a grown ass man was dating a high schooler. The problem with this logic, however, was that you had started dating him while you were both in high school. The other problem was that Shownu was an infuriatingly nice guy. It makes sense that Shownu would go on to be a firefighter while Changkyun was the guy you called if you wanted to find out how to breach a firewall or score an ounce or cheat your way through exams.
Luckily for him, you would eventually see reason and breakup with Shownu. Unfortunately for Changkyun, the reasoning had nothing to do with some terrible heartbreak that he would fix for you and then the two of you would ride off into the sunset. Nor would the root cause be you one day waking up and realizing that your little brother's nerdy best friend was hot with his cracking pubescent voice and rampant acne problems. No, you would break up with Shownu because you were accepted at a university far away from your middle of buttfuck nowhere small town.
This brings Changkyun back to the present. He had somehow landed in the same university that you were now an alumnus of. Hyungwon had barely scraped into it as well, a feat that no one has really been able to understand. (The truth is that Changkyun had helped him cheat his way into the school. But hey, that's what best friends are for, right?) He's been here for a little over two years now, and none the closer to finally getting into your panties. Not that he hasn't tried. Literally, everyone else knows that he would willingly give up an organ just to go on a date with you. Everyone, that is, except you.
"(Y/N)'s inviting us over for dinner again tonight, you coming?" Hyungwon peers over his phone for a moment, cocking an eyebrow up at Changkyun before giving a sardonic laugh. "Who am I kidding, if you had the choice between winning a million dollars and just basking in my sister's presence you'd choose her. I'll never understand why."
"Because she's hot." Hot isn't wholly accurate. It is but a mere fragment of you. Witty, intelligent, terrifyingly strong, adorable, sharp-tongued. But somehow, Changkyun has a feeling that his best friend wouldn't find this little 'crush' all that hilarious if he spewed all of that out on him right now. So he'll keep these thoughts to himself. Playing dumb isn't something Changkyun is fond of, but he is good at.
"I'm going to tell her you said that."
"Please, be my guest. We both know how it's going to end. She'll probably hit you so hard upside the head that you lose your few remaining brain cells and then say something like 'stop being a dumbass.'" Changkyun can't help but let out an exasperated sigh at the sound of Hyungwon's barking laughter.
"Yeah, you're right. When are you ever going to confess?" Ah, that's the question. The greatest question currently revolving around their collectively shared brain cells. It's not from lack of trying, it's just that you stubbornly refuse to see him as anything other than your little brother's best friend. He hates the term friend zoned and is a firm believer that dudes who use it are boring pricks who just don't know how to say what they want. But Changkyun? Well, he's been banished to the brother realm, no matter how many times he's tried to rectify it.
"I've tried. A million fucking times. You were there last week when I asked her to go to the movies with me and she was all 'you're just using me for concession stand money.' Or the time before that when I told her that her new dress would look better on the floor and she just socked me in the arm and told me it wasn't that ugly? Or how about the time-"
"-Christ dude, I get it. You're making me all depressed over here and I need to get a nap in before we head out for dinner. And depressed naps are the least satisfying."
"You literally just woke up from a nap."
"Yeah, well, it was only my second nap of the day. We all know that I need a minimum of four to function. How do you think I got to be this handsome? Beauty sleep, my friend. You should think of trying it sometime. Maybe then your ugly mug will stop scaring away my sister." Before Changkyun can respond, Hyungwon is turning over and snoring.
"...this isn't even your room. And that's my fucking bed you lazy jerk." For a moment Changkyun contemplates picking up his pillow and smothering his best friend with it. But he figures murdering your brother will most certainly cockblock himself for life. A fate that his mere existence might already be cursed to, but he refuses to give the world more reasons to stop his one-sided love from being reciprocated.
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He would like to lie and say he didn't fret many times over what to wear before seeing you for just a simple dinner. But the truth is rather obvious the moment you take a look at the floor of his dorm. He's sure his dormmate, Jooheon, won't be very pleased about this. At the same time, he's pretty sure he'll never piss Jooheon off as much as when he woke up in the middle of the night to find Changkyun screaming at his computer screen in nothing but his birthday suit. Apparently, most men aren't that comfortable seeing other dudes naked. Especially when they're volatility angry after losing a video game. Who would have guessed?
On the trek over to your apartment, Changkyun did what he was best at; he got lost in his own head. Visions of you fluttered through his mind's eye. In this altered reality, Hyungwon was nowhere to be seen and certainly not snoring next to him in the passenger's seat. No, in this world you had invited just him to come up for an evening tryst. He pictured you answering in a long silk robe with lacey underwear peeking out where you had it loosely tied together. Just as he was about to enter your home in his vision he could hear your dulcet tones telling him-
"Earth to Changkyun. Come in dork. Or don't, just stand out there smiling like an idiot for all I care. But I'm not waiting on you until the food gets cold." Changkyun blinked as he took in your visage, the real you not the fictionalized caricature in his head. There was no racy cheeky lace or silk in sight, instead, you were in a plain white t-shirt and yoga pants. The real kicker though was your face, your absurdly pretty face with a look plastered on that screamed 'stop testing my patience, dumbass.'
"My bad I just got lost in thought I guess." He stares at you for a moment, praying that maybe if he looks at you at just the right angle for just long enough you'll finally notice that he's started bulking up, shedding what was left of his baby fat and then you'll jump into his arms in pure joy. Or lust. He isn't picky. Shit, he's too desperate to be picky at this point in his life.
"Yeah, I kind of gathered that already. So...are you coming in or not? I made way too much spaghetti, so please grab a million bowls of it if you want." He walks slowly behind you as you speak, his eyes trying not to superglue themselves onto your backside. And oh what a magnificent backside it is. He could write sonnets about it. He's pretty sure that in high school he actually did. Note to self, be sure to burn any diaries containing incriminating evidence the next time I go home.
When Changkyun rounds the corner of your hallway he sees that Hyungwon has already made himself at home, sprawled out on your couch with an absurdly large pile of pasta on the coffee table while he browses through Netflix. Typical. Changkyun pauses for a moment as he turns in the kitchen, watching with careful eyes as you fix your own plate before sticking a fork out at him.
"Hey, you know how this works in my place. I'm not your mom, I'm not about to fix you a plate. So get to it buddy boy." There are a few facts in life that Changkyun has come to learn due to his infatuation for you. One, he's completely whipped for you and he's okay with that. Two, he's probably a glutton for punishment with a hardon for your trucker mouth and insults. But thirdly, and most importantly, underneath your tough hardened exterior, there's a heart of gold that's softer than Wonho's plushy pile even if you refuse to admit that to the public.
"You got it, boss, I remember the rules. You only remind me every time I'm here." He tries and fails to fight a smile at the way you roll your eyes at him.
"Was that sass I'm hearing? That better not be sass." You grumble as you pour on a disgusting amount of parmesan before joining Hyungwon on the couch, smacking his legs away when he tries to stretch them across you. The sight shouldn't be so heartwarming to Changkyun. But here he is, smiling like a doofus as he fixes himself a plate. Hyungwon, unfortunately, looks back with an evil grin slapped onto his face before he turns back around to face his sister. Changkyun knows that look all too well. Hyungwon is about to meddle. That's the last thing Changkyun needs. Not when things are going so well. Okay, they aren't going at all but not going at all is still better than you karate chopping his throat before telling him that you see him as just another little brother.
"So, noona, I hear you've got a date tomorrow." Deep breaths Changkyun, don't let this get to you he's probably lying.
"What's it to you? I feel like you want something out of this. You're up to something, brat. I can sense it." Fuck, that's a yes. You're redirecting it onto Hyungwon because he's right. Changkyun's known you long enough to know your tell. He's grown used to you dating, but for some reason he's even more unhappy than normal at hearing this news.
"Can't a little brother just make sure his older sister isn't attracting some creeps?" Everyone in the room knows that Hyungown doesn't really care about that, he's a terrible liar and has a penchant for snooping when bored. It's a terrible combination to witness when it rolls out of control.
"What'll you do about it? I'd have better luck with Changkyun protecting me than your frail ass. Shit, you could practically blow away with one strong gust of wind." Changkyun tries not to pout at this as he finally sits down, shoveling food into his mouth to stop himself from saying anything obvious or painfully lame. Like 'I'd protect you any day noona!' Yeah, no. He'd rather shoot himself than admit that to you. With how annoyed you look right now you'd probably shred his ass to pieces. A death that's honestly preferable to dying alone in his parent's basements with the feds looking for him. (He was voted most likely to have this happen to him in his senior year.)
"First of all, rude. I mean you're right, but rude. Second of all, have you not seen Changkyun lately? He practically lives at the gym." Changkyun could fucking kiss Hyungwon he's so happy. It's only taken him over a decade to finally be a wingman. Changkyun glances over at you to see you squinting at him as if trying to size him up.
"I guess." That's it?? You guess? Christ almighty he really is going to die alone. "Anyway, that's beside the point. You have nothing to worry about, I can handle myself just fine thank you very much. And don't think that trying to bring up my love life will get me off your ass on your grades. Are you still failing your math class?"
"I'm passing." Barely. He's at a solid seventy. For now. But Chankgyun isn't about to rat him out, not when he finally tried to help. "Why don't you ever ask Changkyun about his grades? Get on his ass too!" Aaaaaand the wingman has left the building.
"That's because I know Changkyun keeps up with his studies, unlike you." He watches a sibling's quarrel break out for the next few minutes before he finally decides to speak up.
"So, noona...who is this guy?"
"Nobody you know. And for now, I'd like to keep it that way. Not that you brats would understand, but I'm going through a dry spell and I'd like to finally get to an oasis."
"Gross." Hyungwon fake gags, trying to scramble away when you smack him upside his head. "Ow, ow, stop stop! And hey, ow ow ow that's my hair, Changkyun can relate!" That seems to stop your attacks for a moment, your eyes narrowing on Changkyun as if trying to sniff out the truth.
"You guys are in your college heydays, shouldn't you be getting laid all the time? And aside from that whatever happened to that girl? What was her name, Jessica? No Samantha? No wait..."
"Apple. Her name was Apple." Hyungwon pipes in to save his sister from going down the list of conquests in the last few years. Listen, Changkyun was in love with you. That doesn't mean he didn't still make it a point to get laid sometimes. It's not like he's actually in a relationship with you. Unfortunately.
"Christ I was way off. Anyway, yeah whatever happened to her? Did you guys break up?"
Changkyun tries to shrug it off, but before he can answer Hyungwon is interjecting. "They were more like casual friends with benefits. Until she finally let him turn on the light one night."
"She didn't let you bone with the lights on?" You whip around to question him, but once again Hyungwon steals the light.
"Nope, anyway so he turns on the light and goes down on her and he says that he saw an-"
"Okay, time to cut this off. I swore you to secrecy asshole, imagine how you'd feel if some chick was spilling to her friends about your junk?"
"Wait, wait. What was wrong with her junk?"
"Catch this, she had like, an elephant trunk for a clit. It was just long flaps of skin like a second labia attached there. He tried googling pictures to find anything like it, but nothing."
"Holy shit, what did you do? Wait, wait no I don't want to know. I don't even want to think of you having sex, that's just gross." If Changkyun had any feelings left in him he's pretty sure he'd be hurt by that. But as it stands, he's grown numb to the hellhole that is this moment. He takes back everything he said earlier about Hyungwon, he wishes he had indeed smothered him to death with a pillow.
"Gee, thanks, you two. Also, need I remind you Hyungwon, but making fun of people for things they can't control is mean."
"Says the asshole who asked the poor girl 'what is that?'"
"Is it possible that you just...don't know what a clit looks like?" Changkyun takes back all earlier statements on being numb because now he can feel annoyance and rage bubbling through his veins.
"I know what a fucking clit looks like. It wasn't my first rodeo, okay." He tosses a pillow at Hyungwon when the screeching laughter becomes unbearable. Et tu, Brute? Et tu?
"Okay, wait, I can't just hear elephant clit and walk away. I need more details." Changkyun sighs, caving into your puppy eyes like the sucker he is.
"Okay, first of all, this never fucking leaves the room. I don't ever want to hear you guys bring this up to anyone else, it's not cool. It was just...giant. I'll summarise, she was taking steroids to try to keep up with the other gymnasts and there were some unexpected side effects."
"Wait, steroids for gymnastics? Is that even allowed?" Changkyun just shrugs at your question, trying to mentally throw himself into a daydream where you don't question his sexual prowess or where Hyungwon doesn't bring up his worst sexual moment to date. "I have so many questions for her-" you throw up a hand at the glare Changkyun throws you, "-but I won't. Trust me, I wouldn't want some dude spilling the beans about me like that either. I feel like I have to go scrub myself clean from all this sin now."
"Changkyun can join you-ow hey wait! I can't breathe!" It only takes you a fraction of a second to get Hyungwon in a chokehold and Changkyun just smirks at his misery. That little shit deserves it. He went from being the best wingman ever to the biggest fucking rat in just a few minutes. He probably should have expected that though.
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That night Changkyun tossed and turned, his brain swirling around too quickly to fall into a restful sleep. His thoughts kept returning to one particular moment with you years ago, shortly after he had entered high school. He had been "struggling" with his English class, and his parents had enlisted your help in tutoring him to get his C minus up to their expectation of straight A's again. It ended up being a win-win, as you were struggling a bit in your coding class and he was a young teenager who spent far too much time on his Myspace page, he was the perfect person to help.
"Changkyun, you're overthinking this again. I need you to shut the fuck up for five seconds and listen to me: the essay topic is about why you think Victor created the monster. Not about Mary Shelly's fucked up relationships, stay on topic here." He watches you spin around in your computer chair a few times before throwing your pencil at his forehead. "Are you listening, dork?"
He wasn't. It was really hard to pay attention to anything when you were looking at him like that. Plush lips. Soft thighs. Bra strap falling down on your left shoulder. You were a work of art aptly titled 'temptation.' "Yeah, I'm listening." He paused, rewinding his mental tape. Right, essay topic. Relationship. "They were kind of sort of lovers."
"You aren't completely wrong, but the teacher is lame and will disagree unless you go hard on this idea. So why do you think that Frankenstein and his creation are lovers? Or at least, that there's a homoerotic subtext in their relationship?"
"Well, Victor Frankenstein had to marry his, like, sister cousin right? But it's really obvious that he didn't love her, and not for the gross incest reasons but more because he wasn't into chicks. So he creates this monster, this absolutely hideous man in an effort to kill off his gay desires. Except it doesn't work. Because it feels like he and that one dude, Henry, are totally banging during the voyage. Frankenstein's creation is one big metaphor for his gay desires and that's why he refuses to name him and that's why he wants to kill him even though the monster has done nothing wrong really." Changkyun watches you light up, moving in closer and nodding along as he continues.
"Exactly! You're a smart cookie, kid."
"Don't call me kid. I'm not a kid, Noona." He wanted to scream when you rolled your eyes at him. He was fourteen, just four years younger than you. But in high school that made a world of difference, unfortunately for him.
"You are a kid, twerp. Now back on topic, you have a clear thesis but you need to make sure your argument is strong. You need to back this up with as many quotes as you can. And all those weird relationships Mary Shelly had that you were talking about earlier? Well, use those too. Her life will help strengthen your argument. You need to stop looking at papers as these boring outlines that you just have to throw together. I want you to look at it like you're about to stand on stage and win an argument in front of the whole school. That's how you write a solid paper."
Changkyun nodded quietly, still slightly offended that you had just called him a kid and a twerp just moments prior. "Hey, Noona? You're really good at this. Do you want to be, like, a lawyer or something?"
"Ew, gross no. That sounds so stuffy and boring. No, I'm going to be a linguistic anthropologist. I read about it, and it sounds so cool. It's about studying language and cultures and stuff. You know the field is dominated by women? Isn't that, like, so rad?" You gave another spin in your chair before suddenly stopping and staring at him rather conspiratorially. "Words are really interesting. For instance, it's a fact that you're just a kid but you get really angry when I call you that. Why is that? Is it because you're placed in a category of submission and it's a reminder of your place on the hierarchy? Or is it because your teenage rebellion has started to kick in and it makes you resent authority figures?"
"Isn't that basically the same question just reworded?" You cackle at his question but you don't answer him. He waits for you to finish laughing before speaking again. "Well, I think it's really cool that you want to do that. And I think you'll be great at it. Even if your theories are a bit half baked right now."
"Thanks, Kkungie. I really appreciate that coming from you. You're like my number two supporter. Behind Shownu, of course." He realizes at that moment that he doesn't hate being called kid by you because of age hierarchies or whatever bullshit you just spewed. No, he hates being called kid by you because it's a glaring reminder that you're so out of reach. The ever unobtainable temptation. He vowed then that someday, he'd make sure you'd see him as a man.
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Changkyun was sick of cafeteria food and damn tired of making instant ramen in his dorm, so for a change of pace, he decided to meander away from the university and over to the nearest Mexican restaurant. It was a little more than he was comfortable with paying for tacos, but he figured that the salivation inducing pork belly would be worth it. He still had last night playing on repeat in his head, that look of complete and utter disgust on your face at the mere mention of Changkyun having sex. Okay, well to be fair it was actually a really gross subject. You just can't make elephant trunk shaped clits sexy. It's just not possible. Damn Hyungwon! If only he had kept his mouth running on about these sweet new abs. Maybe then you wouldn't have laughed your head off and told him that he didn't know what a clit is. He really wishes that he could have just said something cocky like, "I can prove to you that I do" but he knows that would have resulted in either an armbar or a chokehold.
He's still ruminating in anger when he steps into the restaurant, waiting for the hostess to come around so he can pick up his to-go order he already placed. His eyes lazily scan over the restaurant until they stop on you. This time you're not in your usual home attire of couch-potato activewear. No, you've pulled out all the stops. Your hair is done to perfection, you have on a full face of meticulously applied makeup, and you're wearing a tight little black dress that hugs all your curves. Or at least the curves that he can see from your waist up in the booth. You don't spot him staring at you, thank god. His eyes quickly swivel to the back of the head of the guy sitting across from you.
He can't see anything other than the back of his head, but he can tell something about this guy is off. Changkyun has known you long enough now that he can read your facial expressions like a book, and right now you're saying that you want to set yourself on fire so you can get out of the restaurant. Before he can make any rash decisions to rush over and play knight-in-shining-armor the hostess pops up in front of him.
"Table for one?"
"Oh, no, I'm just here to pick up my order to go. It's under Changkyun."
"Okay, let me see if it's ready yet." He watches the hostess disappear before his eyes swivel right back to the booth. You seem to be making a break for it, running straight into the direction that he can only assume is the bathrooms. Or maybe you'll try to escape out of the fire exit. You do look desperate enough to try. He's about to make his way towards where you disappeared to when the hostess makes her prompt return with a bag of food. He hastily grabs it, thanking her before immediately heading off towards your general direction. It doesn't take long before he finds himself in the hallway directly in front of the women's restroom with you nowhere in sight. He has a couple of options. He could either wait it out or he could walk away. But something in his gut tells him that he needs to wait for you, that for whatever reason either there are no windows for you to crawl out of or you're trying to give yourself a pep talk into braving out a clearly shitty date.
Very little time passes before Changkyun finds out that he made the right decision. You're glued to your phone as you step out, almost walking right past him before he calls out to you. "You need some help?"
He watches you jump back slightly, almost tripping in your high heels when you turn to face him. He's hoping that he looks cool, leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed and his eyebrow quirked. He's guessing that with your deer in headlights reaction that he probably looks more lecherous than cool, unfortunately. "Christ, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?"
He waves his to-go bag for a second before nodding his head in the direction of your table. "You looked like you were praying that the earth would swallow you whole so you could get out of that bore-fest. Do you want some help?"
"What do you mean help? I can take care of myself just fine." You sniff in indignation but you still haven't walked away just yet, and that tells Changkyun that your pride doesn't want to admit that he's right.
"Listen, noona, you clearly don't want to continue that date. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll walk away. But tell me that you just need some help and I can weasel you out of the situation. You know I'm good for it." He tries to bite back a smile as you chew on your cheek while thinking over his offer.
"Okay, so the dude creeps me out. There's just something off about this. I've met him a few times. He's a friend of a friend of a friend type of situation. We've talked a little bit after he hit me up on Instagram and he seemed pretty normal, right? But then we get here and he just keeps talking about my skin. About how much he loves my skin and how pretty it is and he keeps trying to hold my hand and like...rub my skin. It's fucking weird and I would rather be run over by a semi-truck than have to endure another one of his sweaty hand-holding moments. Just promise me this, you never speak about this to Hyungwon. I mean it. Boy's a fucking blabbermouth and I don't want to hear about this for the next ten years."
"Deal." Changkyun sticks out his hand for the two of you to shake on it before he continues speaking. "I have a plan, just go back to the table and act like everything is fine. I'll be over in a minute."
"If that motherfucker tries to hold my hand again before you get back I swear to god-"
"I've got this. Just trust me already." He gives a couple of pats to your head before pointing back to your table. "Come on, go. I'm sure he's probably already convinced you're taking a massive shit or something."
You scoff, muttering something about how he's such a brat as you finally wander back. Now it's time for him to set his quickly thought up plan in motion. He gives it a few moments, scrolling through Instagram before finally making his entrance. He imagines badass escape music playing in the background, visualizing himself as Jason Bourne or Tom Cruise or that dude from Prison Break. Except in this scenario, he's leading someone else to their freedom. A man on a mission. As he rounds the corner and nears your table he can see the villain. He's not ugly, but he's shooting way out of his league aiming for you. The dude's a solid five, plain and boring in every single aspect.
"Did your mother age well? Because I can see skin like yours as aging flawlessly. It really is perfection. How often do you see an aesthetician if you don't mind me-"
"(Y/N)? Is that you? Holy shit, it is you. Baby, I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry, I know I fucked up but I'd do anything to get you back. Anything, I mean it." He watches your eye twitch for a moment, a look of pure annoyance stealing over your features before you break out into impromptu theatrical genius.
"Oh my god, Changkyun I...I never expected to see you here. I...I don't know what to say. It's been so long. I mean, the last time I saw you was when I went back home to see my parents and you were hooking up with Apple, the local juice stand girl whose parents oddly enough owned an orange grove. We don't even have the right climate for an apple orchard. She was the forbidden fruit and yet you took from her."
"Yeah, well I guess Citron makes for a weirder girls name so they ended up deciding on Apple. But I swear baby, I'm done with that. I wish I had never met her. I'd give up my spleen just to try to make you smile again."
"Excuse me, but we're in the middle of a date."
"Oh really? I'm...I'm so sorry it's just that-" Changkyun slides into the booth next to you, grabbing your hand as he speaks, "-you see sir I've always been in love with this girl. Ever since the first time I saw her back on her daddy's ranch I just knew she was the one for me. The way she used to light up as she collected all those eggs-"
"-Excuse me, but I believe I just said we're on a date. If you could please let go of her hand, you're tainting her perfect skin." Holy Christ, this dude's probably a serial killer. Changkyun is expecting him to break out into Hannibal Lecter quotes any moment now.
"I'm...I'm sorry. I guess...I guess I can't take back what I've done. I was terrible to you, (Y/N). I'm so sorry. I wish I could get another chance, but I can see I'm not wanted here." Changkyun hangs his head sorrowfully, giving a small fake sob before flinging himself out of the booth. "But I promise you, I would treat you right. This city slicker boy don't know how to handle a girl like you-"
"Okay that's enough buddy, move along."
"Well excuse me, but I'm trying to have a meaningful last goodbye with the woman I love. Have you no heart, sir? I just...I just wanted to make my peace. Try one last time. Love is a beautiful thing and I know that I ruined it but gosh darn it how can I walk away from the best yodeler I've ever met?"
"Nobody but my Daddy has ever thought my yodeling was any good. You really mean that Kkungie?" You stand up dramatically, clutching onto your chest as you try to move closer to Changkyun but your date quickly interjects.
"Woah, woah, woah. I didn't sign up for this, come on man just let me finish my fucking date in peace. Go home, no one wants to hear your bullshit about orange or whatever her name was and her fucking yodeling."
"Don't you badmouth my yodeling, Jason! It has a special place in my heart! Come on Changkyun, let's go." Changkyun grins when you grab his hand, but before he can turn around and ride off into the sunset with you he gets cold-cocked by your creepy skin loving date. Right in the jaw.
"What the fuck dude?" Changkyun stands in between you and the guy, cracking his neck and rubbing at his already swelling jaw before staring him down. He's slightly taller but certainly lighter than Changkyun. "I'm going to give you a few seconds to walk away before I destroy your face to the point that even your own mother won't want to look at you."
"Do you really think that you can take-" Changkyun doesn't wait for him to finish before punching him square in the face, a startling crack wringing through the air when his knuckles make contact with Jason's nose.
"Okay, time to go. Let's move it." Changkyun wraps his hand back around you, trying to pull you forward only to find you stationary staring in shock at the scene that just unfolded. "Christ, we need to move it (Y/N)." He waits only a few more seconds before throwing you over his shoulder. "I am not waiting around for cops. I have an ounce on me and I really don't need that kind of stress in my life."
He books it out of the restaurant as fast as he can, pushing past the confused hostess and ignoring the shouts of whatever his name was coming from behind him. Good god do you owe him now. His jaw smarts, his knuckles are bruised, and he's currently carrying you over his shoulder while trying to run to his car as fast as possible. If this doesn't prove that he loves you, he doesn't know what will. Especially when you consider that he left his fucking tacos at your booth. Well, this is just shaping up to be a fan-fucking-tastic evening.
He throws open his car door, setting you down on the ground of the passenger side before quickly jogging back over and slamming into the driver's side. "Noona, what the fuck, come on! I don't have all goddamn day!" The sound of Changkyun screaming seems to break you out of your dazed trance, quickly fumbling into the seat and closing the door as he peels out of the parking lot.
"Drive to my place first please."
"That was the plan. Also, why are you saying please? This isn't a fucking uber dude."
"Can't I be polite sometimes?" Changkyun just snorts at that, tapping his fingers on the wheel in impatience when he pulls up to a red light. "Hey, um. Thanks by the way. I mean, I feel there were smarter ways you could have gone about that than pulling the 'old flame' routine out of your ass but I really appreciate your help."
"Yeah well, I'm not the one who came up with the fucking hick routine. I mean really, Apple? Forbidden fruit? What the fuck was with that?"
"I kind of just wanted to see how you'd run with it. I wasn't expecting you to go full force with it. Now I'm going to have to retire my yodeling career before I could even start it."
"It's a shame, I know your daddy was so proud of it."
"Oh shut it, smart ass." He glances over to see you staring out the window, brain going a million miles a minute as usual. That's how you've always been, in a state of constant thought. He's pretty sure that beyond the immense sexual attraction he has to you the real reason why he always gets pulled into your gravitational force is that you're much like him in that sense. Always trying to see twenty steps ahead, find every possible angle and solution and rework a problem over and over until you see every single way it can all go wrong. It's that same exhaustive thinking that helped you to graduate early and top of your class not just with your bachelors but with your masters just a year after Changkyun started University. It's what makes you uniquely you, but also oddly relatable. You're one of the few people that can keep up with Changkyun, perhaps even remain a few steps ahead of him at all times.
"You're clearly thinking about something. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Why did you help me?"
"Because you're my friend."
"I mean, yeah. But you just got decked in the fucking face and went on a tirade about your love of my yodeling just to get me out of a shitty date." Changkyun parks in front of your apartment as you speak, a small silence settling over for a moment when he turns off the car.
"Listen, I wasn't about to just leave you alone with Hannibal for him to cut off your skin and eat it like pork rinds, okay. Friends help friends." He's not entirely lying. He's not telling the whole truth either, but he's hoping it'll be enough to get you off his back. He can tell by the way the gears inside your head are grinding that it's not enough to satisfy you, but for whatever reason, you leave it be for the moment.
"Well, come on." You climb out of the car, staring at him when he stays stationary. "Are you going to let me put ice on your jaw or not? Besides, you never did get a chance to eat those tacos, at least let me feed you. I think I've got some leftovers you can eat."
"As long as you don't feed me ramen, I'm fine with that." He follows you quietly to the apartment. Should he have just finally admitted his unrequited love to you then in the car? Do you know and you were just waiting for him to say something? Or do you have an inkling, perhaps suspecting and you're trying to figure out what exactly is going on?
"Dude, why do you always freeze at my door?" Changkyun blinks, realizing you've already unlocked the door and the look on your face says that the two of you have been standing there for a hot minute.
"Lost in thought?"
"What's new." You sigh, ushering him inside before locking the door back behind you again. He stands awkwardly in your kitchen as you rummage around in the freezer before finally pulling out a bag of peas and walking back over to him. "This is going to be cold."
"Gee, really? I thought it would be scorching hot, having just come out of the freezer and all."
"Can it, mister. This is my house, which means that I'm the one that gets to be the sarcastic brat. Not you." He snorts in response, flinching slightly under the feeling of the cold bag pressing against his swollen skin. He tries his best to look straight ahead, away from your prying eyes. But try as he might, he's weak to your magnetic gaze. For a moment it's like the world stops, it's almost as though for the first time you're really seeing Changkyun. Not your brother's best friend. Not the snot-nosed brat next door. Not some questionable chemistry major. For once you're looking at him like the man he's become. He can see it in the spark in your eyes, hear it in the hitch of your breath, feel it in the way your hand shakes slightly while trying to hold up the bag of peas.
And for the first time in his life, Changkyun feels his brain halt functioning. Everything becomes silent, frozen under your stare. As if there's nothing to think about, nothing to worry about. He almost wants to say something, do something. But he's terrified that if does the spell will break, he'll turn into a pumpkin, and you'll go right back to treating him like a little brother. But his eyes betray his decision to do nothing, and he knows you see his gaze flicker down to your lips before traveling back up to your eyes. You never do miss a beat, in fact, he's always questioned how in the fuck you've managed to remain oblivious to his infatuation with you for so long. Unless it's willful ignorance. It's the only thing that makes sense. Which is why he's even more confused by the sensation of your soft lips pressing onto his.
It's feather light, over in an instant, but he chases after the sensation. One hand wraps into your hair to pull you back for more. You taste like cilantro and flour tortillas and steak, and maybe it's because he's really fucking hungry but he can't get enough. Of the way you taste, the way you feel, the way you sigh softly into his mouth when his free hand presses you closer to him, gripping onto your hips. He'd gladly be punched in the face a thousand times if the end result was you kissing away his wounds each time. Christ, he's dreamed of this moment for so long he was terrified that it wouldn't be that amazing in real life but it's even better. Way better.
But good things never seem to last long for Changkyun anymore. Because when his dick springs to life you suddenly seem to come back to reality, pulling away with a look of utter confusion and shock. A look at stark odds with the dazed bliss he's sure is playing on his face.
"This...I'm sorry I...I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking. We really shouldn't, um I should. Yeah. I should get the food for you. Um, here just uh hold this to your jaw to stop the swelling. Do you want some ibuprofen or anything before you eat? Are you good? Maybe some water? I'm sure you're thirsty. I can't believe I didn't ask you earlier if you wanted some water."
In all 14 years of knowing you, he's never once seen you in such a state. He really didn't see this twist coming. He expected you to want to do backflips with him or sing praises to the heavens and then maybe hopefully screw his brains out. Instead, you look horrified, confused, lost, and possibly sickened by what just transpired. Which is just as heartbreaking to him as it is infuriating. If there is a god, he's cruel and unjust. That much Changkyun is certain of right now.
He watches you zip around the kitchen, flitting from thing to thing for the next few minutes before he finally speaks up. "Are you okay?"
"Peachy, perfectly fine. Why wouldn't I be okay? It's not like I just made out with my little brother's best friend in my kitchen after he got punched in the face by my possible serial killer date." You top off your jibbering with a high pitched and short-lived laugh. As if to really bring it home to Changkyun that you've officially thrown yourself off the cliff and dived into insanity.
"I mean...I'm kind of more than just your little brother's best friend. I am my own sentient entity separate from Hyungwon. We aren't like...fucking conjoined twins. And it's not like we're actually related. But yeah that dude did seem like he was going to skin you alive, so I won't argue there." You ignore him, rummaging around the fridge before aggressively slamming a leftover bowl of soup into the microwave. Well, this is just going swimmingly. "(Y/N)...noona, come on. Just talk to me, please."
"What do you want me to say Changkyun? I fucked up. We fucked up. And it's never going to happen again. I can't let it happen again. It's just...it's not right."
"Why? Why isn't it right?"
"Because it just isn't!" He watches you angrily ruffle your hair before spinning back around to face the microwave, your foot tapping away impatiently as the seconds slowly roll by.
"Fine. Whatever. Listen, keep your dinner. I'll figure something out. I'll catch you some other time." He's out the door before you can respond. It's petty of him, he knows this. He knows he should have waited for you to respond, try to talk this out. Express his real feelings. Explain to you that he doesn't see this as just some random kiss. No, this was much much more for him. But he's angry, confused, and heartbroken so really he's pretty sure taking some time to cool off would be the smartest thing for him to do right now.
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"Dude, what the fuck happened to your face?" It's moments like this that Changkyun really wishes he just had his own space. He actually really likes his dormmate, he's become fast friends with him which is rather unusual for Changkyun. But he just isn't in the mood for any human beings right now.
"Long story." Changkyun tosses the extra sandwich at Jooheon before flopping down on his bed. He really should have just gotten some tacos again, but somehow they seemed tainted. Worthless. Kind of like him.
"Descriptive. Not at all cryptic." Changkyun rolls his eyes before glancing over at Jooheon. Maybe it would do some good to tell him. Unlike Hyungwon he won't fall asleep in the middle of explaining everything, although right now he's not sure he really wants to spill his heart out to someone who's going to pay attention.
"You know (Y/N)?"
"Hyungwon's sister? The chick you've been obsessed with your whole life? Yeah, you've only brought her up more than a thousand times. What about her? She finally turn you down or something?"
"How do you know that she didn't confess to being madly in love with me tonight?"
"You might have the emotional range of a rock most of the time, but I'm pretty sure even you wouldn't be moody and depressed if she suddenly decided that she was into you. Besides, there's kind of that seriously swollen jaw of yours."
"Fair enough."
"So what happened?" Jooheon turns back around to resume typing up his paper as he speaks.
"She kissed me." Changkyun can hear the typing halt almost immediately, silence filling the room for a moment before Jooheon responds.
"She kissed you?" Jooheon repeats this slowly as if the words seem foreign or the concept impossible. Changkyun glares at Jooheon. Anger and humiliation bubbling up at the sound of complete and utter surprise in Jooheon's voice.
"Yeah, and then she freaked the fuck out. Said that it was a mistake and she couldn't do this. Said that I was basically her little brother and it was wrong and some other shit."
"And then she punched you in your face?"
"What? No. Why would you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know it might possibly have something to do with the giant bruise forming on your jaw."
"Right. That. No that happened because I busted her out of a shitty date with some dude who wouldn't shut the fuck up about her skin."
"Her skin?"
"Yeah, he was a total basket case. I just happened to be there and noticed how she looked totally miserable so I helped bail her out. Except the dude wasn't too happy about it. Long story short, I got sucker punched. I think I broke his nose. We made a run for it. And then she kissed me when we were at her place and I'm pretty sure I'm doomed to the brother zone for the rest of my life."
"Please for the love of god stop calling it the brother zone. It sounds creepy and very Alabama."
"Fine. Whatever, she freaked out okay."
"So what did you do?"
"I left. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?"
"I don't know. Tell her your feelings maybe?"
"I didn't exactly want to spill my guts to her in a fit of rage."
"Yeah...I guess I get that. So are you going to tell Hyungwon?"
"Fuck no. And neither are you. Dude doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. He's almost as bad as Minhyuk."
"That's valid. Alright, I won't say anything. But if you need to talk to anybody, I'm here for you bro." If Changkyun had any capacity to feel his emotions left in him, he's pretty sure he'd be touched right now. As it stands though, he's just kind of hoping to wake up and realize that this was all just a shitty dream.
--------------
It wasn't just a shitty dream. No, in some sick and twisted way he had you for just a fraction of a second before you're even further out of reach. It reminds him of a time that he was so close once before. It was about a year ago, towards the end of his Freshman year.
You had just completed your capstone for your masters and you were holding a small celebration at your apartment with your closest friends. Once again, Changkyun had felt a bit like the odd kid out of the loop, straying away from human interaction in favor of sipping his cheap shitty beer in peace and quiet out on the patio. It's not that he didn't like parties, he just never knew how he was supposed to behave. Especially when he was around you. For some reason, he was perpetually nervous that he'd seem like the uncool dweeb who was your pity friend. You constantly told him that wasn't true whenever he'd bring it up but isn't that exactly what you'd tell someone who was only your friend because you felt bad for them?
Hyungwon was convinced that Changkyun was on his man period, and while he'd tried to drag him back into the party a few times he'd clearly given up about an hour ago. That was perfectly fine with Changkyun. He'd had his own finals to contend with, and honestly, his brain was too fried to focus on a conversation for long. At least, he was sure of that until you stepped out onto the patio with two beers in your hand. You silently handed one to him before popping open the other and sipping from it. Somehow, you always knew how to find him. And he appreciated that you never chastised him for doing his own thing away from everyone else. "I know you hate coming to parties. But I really appreciate that you came. Don't tell anyone else, but I think you're my favorite guest here tonight."
"I don't hate them. Hate's a strong word. Shouldn't you know that ms 'I'm about to get my masters in linguistics?'"
"I can't believe it. That I'm finally here, that I've reached my goal. It feels like just yesterday you were helping me pack everything up to start university and pilfering my underwear. And now I'm getting my masters."
"I didn't steal your underwear!" He knew that his bright red face gave away his lie. He totally stole a few pairs. But he isn't about to admit that. He knows it's...incredibly creepy. Crosses a lot of boundaries. But to be fair, these were clean pairs. He also would never in a million years do it again. He lacked impulse control then, but that doesn't save him from the burning embarrassment he's feeling now. Oh god. You probably think he's a closet perv.
"It's fine. I thought it was funny. Don't worry, I never told anyone about it. If anyone else had done it, I would've been pissed. But for some reason, it's impossible to be mad at you. Maybe he was right."
"Who was right? About what?" He hated when you got cryptic on him. At the same time, he loved that about you. The way you lived in a world of puzzles and riddles and sometimes cracked open for only certain people to see. It was as infuriating as it was attractive.
You took a long pause before guzzling down the rest of your beer, staring off over the patio before speaking just above a whisper. "You know...in another life, maybe we would be great. Two fucked up peas in a pod." Before he could even respond you were gone, slipping back into the party and leaving him to dwell on the weight of your words. In another life? No. You'd be great together in this one. And now he wanted, more than ever before, to prove that to you. Because now he feels like he might really have a shot at this.
--------------
It's been nearly two months since Changkyun last saw you. This is the longest he's gone without seeing your face with the exception of the three years he was in high school and you were in University if you don't count the weekly skype calls. At this point, he's run out of excuses and it's clear that Hyungwon is suspicious. He was given little choice but to either expose what happened to his best friend and be mocked for the rest of his existence, or finally go with him for Sunday brunch again. Which is how Changkyun finds himself standing in front of your door, fidgeting restlessly and trying not to imagine every doom and gloom possibility.
Changkyun fights the urge to run away when you open the door, your mouth falling open in shock for a moment before you plaster on an uncomfortable smile and usher both of them in.
"It's been a while Kkungie. What mayhem have you been up to?"
"He's been an oddly good boy. A total square dweeb. I keep trying to get him to come hang out, but he's been doing nothing but studying." Hyungwon pipes up, grabbing a slice of quiche without asking before he meanders over to his usual spot on the couch.
"You could learn something from him. There is more to life than sleep and girls."
"Laaaaaame. I came here for free food and Netflix, and honestly, I am feeling so attacked right now."
Changkyun shakes his head at the bickering, relaxing a bit as he grabs a plate. Everything seems like it's gone right back to normal. As if you didn't kiss him and then have an existential crisis just a couple of months ago. Changkyun isn't sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Then again, he wasn't really expecting for you to leap into his arms and throw yourself at him the moment you finally saw him again. Hoping for it, sure. Expecting it, not really. The odds of it were slim to none and Changkyun is, unfortunately, a realist through and through.
The feeling of eyes on him has Changkyun glancing up, you look oddly unsure of yourself for a moment before quickly looking away. He swears that he sees a slight blush on your cheeks, but maybe that's just that stupid bit of hope in him that refuses to fucking die already. Life would be so much easier for him if he could just move on already. It would probably be easier for you too. But the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter how ridiculous or improbable it is.
After that small moment, the rest of the time seems to pass by easily. Comfortably. Normally. He likes to think of himself as a master of deception at this point. A man completely in control of his own emotions. Because really all he wants to do is kiss you again. He didn't think that he'd be this obsessive with it, but seeing you again has his memories playing on a loop. How soft you were, how quickly you switched from hesitance to hunger before it all went downhill. Really fucking downhill. Straight into the ocean actually.
"Shit, I forgot I have a date." Hyungwon's bizarre spike of energy has both you and Changkyun freezing.
"With who? Your hand?" Changkyun tries, and fails, at not laughing at your jab to Hyungwon.
"Rude, unlike you, I'm not having problems getting laid. If you must know, I have a date with Lisa. And I'm about to be really fucking late. Changkyun, can I borrow your keys?"
"Just my keys? I would have figured that you'd want the car that comes with those keys too."
"Har har jackass. Can I borrow your car or not?"
"Why not just borrow mine?" You pipe up, nodding your head in the direction of your key ring resting on the kitchen counter.
"Because the backseat of your car is always a mess of random clothes."
"Okay, that's just gross. I didn't need that visual."
"What? I didn't say anything gross." Hyungwon tries to play coy but the damage has been done.
"You basically alluded to fucking your date in the back of a car to your sister."
"Et tu, Brute? Et tu? Fine, just for that, need I remind you of the time you got caught sleeping with Rose in the park?" Changkyun rolls his eyes before digging his keys out of his pocket and tossing them to Hyungwon.
"Thanks for just airing all my shit out. Again." Changkyun rolls his eyes before digging his keys out of his pocket and tossing them to Hyungwon. "You know the rules. If you're going to have sex in it, get it detailed before you bring it back."
"Yeah, that's not going to happen. The detailing, that is. Later losers." Before either of them can respond he's out the door. He might usually move at a snail's pace, but when he wants to the lanky little shit can certainly move fast.
"Does he do that a lot?"
"Run his mouth? Yeah. Have you never met your brother?"
"No, use your car for exhibitionism."
"Way more often than I care to think about."
"I'm never sitting in the backseat again."
"It's a wise choice." An uncomfortable silence fills the air for a moment before he finally tries to speak up. "So-"
"I was-" Both of you stop, and he fights a smile at the way you laugh. You've never had a particularly cute laugh. It's one of those cackle-snort-choke laughs that makes everyone else pause for a moment when they hear it. It's endearing. Heartwarming. God, he's missed even your ugly laugh. He's definitely whipped. "Sorry, you first."
"I was just going to ask how you've been. If you're okay." Changkyun stares at the floor as he speaks, afraid to look you directly in the eyes.
"What?"
"Well, I just kind of dipped while you were in the middle of an existential crisis which wasn't cool of me. I'm sorry about that. And then I've been blowing things off because I figured you needed your space, but I want you to know that I have been concerned. I care about you, you know. So I'm sorry for running away. And I want to know, are you okay?"
He watches you slowly blink when he finally glances up, the gears grinding a million miles a minute in your head before you finally speak again. "I've been...I've been okay. Confused. Unsure. Scared."
"None of that sounds okay."
You give a snort, shaking your head as you look at him. For a moment he swears he sees that fire again. That look that tells him that you're looking at him, looking into his soul. Figuring him out. Reading him. Wanting him. He likes that look far too much for his own good, especially because it's over in a flash. Almost imperceptible. He's sure that if he didn't know you as well as he does he wouldn't have even noticed it. He guesses he's not the only master of deception. "Listen, you weren't the only one that fucked up. I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that. I'm the adult, I shouldn't have taken it all out on you like that. I'm sorry for that."
"We're both adults. Stop acting like your this old sage grandmother, you're only four fucking years older than me. I know that I'm a bit of an oddball, and I might not be like all the guys you date with their own places and a steady career, but I am an adult."
"In the eyes of the law sure." That stung way more than it should have, and he knows that for a moment his mask breaks and you can see the pain flash in his eyes by the way you rush to fix your fuck up. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I just. I have a hard time seeing you as all grown up. The same way I have a hard time seeing Hyungwon as anything other than my stupid little brother who always stole my video games."
"So what exactly do I need to do to make you see me as a man? Not some little boy, not your little brother's best friend. Just me."
"I don't think I understand what you're asking."
"Noona, you know exactly what I fucking mean. Do I need to spell it out? Because I will if that's what you want. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And I know you might see it as just some dumb crush, but trust me. It's not. I want you, all of you. And I don't know what I need to do for you to finally see me as a worthy candidate for you, but whatever I need to do I will. We both know that I'm stubborn as hell, so if you don't tell me what I need to do don't think that I'll just give up."
"I...what?" You stop, freezing under his stare for what feels like eons before you finally manage to speak again. "I don't know what to say. I don't know."
"Well think about it. Because I'm not going to back down easily. Tell me that you don't want me, tell me that you aren't at all interested and I'll back off. But if there's even the slightest fucking chance that I can get you to finally see me for me and not just your little brother's best friend I'm not about to back down. I'm a patient man, I've waited this long to get you to even think about it. I have no problems with waiting longer if it means getting you at the end." He doesn't like to think of himself as a cocky man, and he knows that if you've ever paid a lick of attention to him in all these years you'll know he only speaks when he knows he can back it up. He watches you closely, trying to gauge your reaction but your face seems completely blank. He isn't sure if this is in his favor or against it. Whatever the case might be, he's finally said what he's needed to say.
"I'm still not sure what to say. Or think. I had no clue that you felt that way."
"We both know that's bullshit. You had to have known, you aren't that dense of a person."
"That's a valid point. But I just assumed that...I don't know that you were just like every other dumb horny boy out there. I didn't think that there was anything deeper to it. I'm just...speechless. I can't give you any answers right now Changkyun, I'm sorry."
"That's okay. I don't need answers right now. I told you, I'm a patient dude. Just do me a favor and think about it." He grabs the dishes left on the coffee table and brings them back to the kitchen, rinsing them off silently before throwing them in the dishwasher. He has no interest, truly, in doing the dishes to get brownie points. No the real reason why he's done this is because it gives him a prime and unobtrusive view of you. The way you sink slightly into confusion, cogs moving slowly as the calculations begin. This is good, this means that you're thinking about it. You aren't simply blowing him off as you usually would. Perhaps he does stand a chance.
Changkyun watches you for a moment longer before clearing his throat. "Well, I appreciate the food. I'm going to head back now, I've got some papers I want to finish up." That's a lie, he's been caught up on everything for weeks now. Now that he hasn't been spending any time at your place or going to parties he's been working as far ahead as he can. He figures though that it's a simple enough of a lie that you'll believe him. Which is important, because he needs a way to give you some space without making things awkward.
"How are you going to get back? Hyungwon took your car. Do you want me to drive you?"
"Nah, it's no biggie. I can just skip going to the gym today and walk instead."
"No, no I insist. Either we wait for my dipshit brother to come back or I'll drive you. But I don't feel right with making you walk."
"It's two miles, I'll survive. I promise. On cardio days I usually run for five, trust me, I'll be okay." He watches you glare at him, your mouth opening and closing repeatedly before you finally sigh and nod.
"Fine. You know you can really be stubborn when you want to."
"I know. I go for what I want and I usually try to find a way to get it. You, for instance. That's at least the big picture goal."
"What do you mean big picture goal?"
"Jesus, Noona, I meant what I said earlier. I'm not just thinking about this as some one-off thing. I want you. Emotionally, sexually, hell I'll tack on spiritually for good measure. Everything about you drives me crazy, I want that in my life. I want you in my life. Not as a friend. Not simply as my childhood friend. I'm not sure what part about that is so difficult to understand, but I mean it. I'm not asking for you to jump into my arms or my bed right now, although I wouldn't turn it down either, I just want you to honestly think about it. Because for as long as I can remember I've been in love with you, and I don't want to pressure you into anything but I do want a shot at this. I don't want to just be passed off as 'oh it's just a cute crush.' Because that's not what this is." He pauses for a moment, assessing the way you squint and try to analyze everything. Ever the thinker, always trying to find logic even in the midst of a romantic confession. Or at least a passionate confession, Changkyun would like to think. "Just think about it. Thanks again for the breakfast, I'll catch you around." He waits for a moment before pressing his lips to your forehead and striding out the door. Well more like ran out the door, but in his head, he walked out with confidence and gusto and was most certainly not tripping over himself before victory dancing at that small peck.
The only problem that Changkyun sees in all of this is that he's a man of carefully calculated planning, usually. Being a man of brute action just isn't his style. He wants to be sure that all pawns are in their places before a glorious victory. He's the type to always think five steps ahead. But something happened to him when you kissed him after he rescued you from the budding Hannibal. It rewired his brain, or maybe his dick because he's a bit foggy on everything. He's positive that this will help you finally look at him, but at the same time, he isn't one to be so brash. He's just hoping that perhaps this was still the right method needed. Whatever the case might be all he can do for now is try to craft some sort of a game plan to prove himself to you.
----------------------
"So you finally confessed to her?" Jooheon is tossing snacks into Minhyuk's mouth as he asks this, Minhyuk almost choking when a pretzel gets nearly lodged in his throat.
"Yup. She said she didn't know what to say. She really thought that I was just, I don't know, some annoying horny kid or something. Maybe? Or maybe she doesn't even want to acknowledge that I have a dick? It's really all hard to say right now."
"Pun intended or??" Minhyuk ducks when Changkyun throws a pillow at his face. "Sorry, sorry. I get it you're all serious and whipped for this girl."
"Woman. Have some respect."
"Christ." Jooheon and Minhyuk speak at the same time. The double trouble twins back at it again. Changkyun should have known better than to tell them anything, but he needed comrades if he was going to carry anything through. And as much as he loves Hyungwon, he's pretty sure that he'll either sleep through his battle planning meetings or simply spend the entire time razzing him. Neither of which are very helpful.
"Well, knowing you, you have a plan. So what is it?" Minhyuk sprawls out on his stomach, kicking his feet behind him as he blinks up at Changkyun.
"I...I don't have one."
"WHAT?" The double trouble twins really do excel at synchronization.
"That's my problem, I didn't think any of this through. I kind of...I don't know I figured that my confession would have more of an impact maybe? I didn't expect a deer in headlights response, although I suppose I really should have taken that into consideration. It is the most logical of responses really. And I told her that I'd prove to her that I'm a man now. I don't know why I said that. The more I think about it the more...embarrassing the whole situation becomes. Christ guys what am I going to do?"
"Defeat the Huns?" Minhyuk really isn't the most helpful person sometimes. But he does strike genius every once and a while. Especially when it comes to nefarious plottings. Unfortunately, now is clearly not one of those times. "Don't give me that look. I'm thinking. Okay well, has she seen your abs?"
"Yes, I just flash them at random to people." Changkyun holds back the urge to roll his eyes as he deadpans his sarcasm. "Of course she hasn't you nit-wit. The need for her to see them has never really been there."
"Oh, but you have no problem walking around here naked."
"For fuck's sake Jooheon, you caught me one time and I promised never again. And it was in our room for god's sake, not out in fucking public. Let it go, man."
"Back on track, I say you show her your abs. That should get her hot and bothered. Works for all the football players here at least." Minhyuk nods his head as he speaks as if agreeing with himself will somehow make Changkyun more likely to agree.
"And how, pray tell, do I go about this in some semblance of normalcy?"
"Pool party!" Jooheon pipes up, before stopping. "Wait...none of us have a pool."
"But...she does. Her complex has a pool there, and summer is almost here."
"Okay, so here's what you do. You drop random hints about girls in bikinis, lazing outside under the sun with hot girls around him, and eventually just casually ask him about the pool at (Y/N)'s complex. If you do this slowly enough, and we all drop hints randomly together, he'll think it's one hundred percent his idea and he should go for it. The real question is, will she?" Minhyuk is animated as he speaks, lighting up as the plan forms in his seedy little brain.
"She would have rules and provisions for allowing it, but yeah she'd say yes to him. She pretends to acts all tough, but she rarely says no to him. The real question is though, how are showing my abs off really going to win her over?"
"A bit of jealousy my friend. I know some girls who've been interested in you. We invite them, we watch them latch onto you like the harlots they so desperately want to be with you, and ignite the secret yearning in (Y/N)'s heart for this forbidden love." Minhyuk adds on an evil cackle at the end, stopping only when a cough takes over.
"This seems all very...I don't know, cliche and high school if you ask me. I mean, no offense to your plan I just don't think that her seeing my abs and other chicks are going to make her magically say 'ah yes this is a man I can see myself seriously dating and possibly spending my life with.' I appreciate the effort though."
"No, no Minhyuk has a point. And let's say it doesn't go as planned, at least we all get a pool party out of it. I promise if you're right and we're wrong we'll help you hatch a different plan of attack. But for now, let's at least see how this goes. On an unrelated note, I'm starving. Do you guys want to go grab some pizza?"
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A month and a half later and Changkyun is sipping a beer from a plastic cup (no glass allowed near the pool as per lease terms and your strict warnings) as he takes in the sight before him. The first half of the plan went swimmingly (pun intended), but the latter half Changkyun still isn't so sure about. You barely even glanced at him before running back up to your apartment to grab some ice. Oh well, if it all goes to shit at least he gets to see you in a bikini again. He's been needing to update his internal spank bank material if he's honest. His sights still linger on your door, waiting for you to come back out when Hyungwon floats over to the edge where Changkyun has his feet dipped in.
"Dude, what's the point of being at a pool party if you aren't even going to talk to babes or get in the pool?"
"I'm enjoying my drink without dealing with the taste of chlorine mixing into it, and I'm not here for the babes." Changkyun is here for one babe, one babe currently avoiding him. Plan ABduction (named by Minhyuk) is so far failing spectacularly. What's the point of showing off his newer more manly physique if you aren't even here to ogle him like a magnificent slab of meat before ravaging him?
"Now that's just not fair. Seulgi and Joy have been staring at you the entire time and you haven't even taken the hint. If you aren't going to get them then I will. You know they're in like an open relationship or whatever? I'm just saying, I feel like a threesome is on the tables with them. I've heard-"
"Dude, they aren't just objects to be passed around. They're real human beings. I mean listen, if they're down then that's between you and them as three consenting adults. But you've been hanging out with way too many frat fuckers if you think that you can just talk about women as if they can be passed around to the highest bidder. Stop letting your dick talk, no one wants to hear it speak."
"Woah, calm down you know I didn't...no I guess you're right. I didn't think about how that would come out. Maybe I should lay off the drinks. And the frat parties." Hyungwon floats in the other direction after that, leaving Changkyun to his solo bliss.
It's a small party, per your rules. There are about 12 people total including Changkyun and you. Not surprisingly, Hyungwon invited mostly girls (who weren't friends with his currently off on again off again girlfriend Lisa), along with Jooheon and Minhyuk. Everyone else has been congregating by the more shallow end of the pool, drunkenly trying to play cards against humanity without getting the cards wet. He's pulled out of his thoughts by the sight of your feet dipping next to his.
"I heard what you said to Hyungwon. Thanks for not letting his head get too far up his own ass. I don't think I give you enough credit for keeping him somewhat normal. Well, as normal as frog boy can be."
"I don't think we can call him normal, I mean you can't even call me normal. I just try to keep him...safe for public consumption. He's just going through that college freedom insanity phase still. He'll get over it eventually."
"Oh, I remember those days."
"You? I can't see you as ever flying off the handles noona."
"Oh but I did. You've got to remember, Hyungwon and I grew up in a pretty conservative home. My freshman year of college was a blur of parties, random hookups, and various substances smattered between cramming and making sure my grades didn't drop. Unlike Hyungwon, I made sure I was never on the verge of failing a class and having to explain that to my parents. I wanted to look like a model student to keep them off my asses. And it worked. Until I realized that I wasn't actually having fun and the parties and hookups felt empty and I started settling back down. I've got to say though, I didn't take you for the more level headed of the two. Hyungwon was always so uptight I figured you'd be the free spirit and he'd be the anchor."
"I mean, I wouldn't say I'm entirely level headed, I just think things through more than him right now. Most of the time, that is." There's a pause after he looks at you. It's breathtaking, the way your profile glows under the setting sun, a small coy smile lighting up your face.
"I have to ask, why aren't you talking to those girls? They've been stealing glances at you the entire time and they don't look all too pleased with me right now. They're pretty girls you know."
"Sure, they're very pretty. But they aren't you. It's as simple as that." Changkyun watches a blush creep onto your cheeks as you quickly look away and clear your throat. Now that's a response he was hoping for but not expecting. Perhaps Minhyuk's plan hasn't entirely gone to shit.
"Well, that was rather matter of fact of you."
"You're cute when you blush."
"I'm going to choke you if you don't stop."
"I'm into that. I mean I usually prefer to be the one giving, but I think I'd be into anything with you." The look in your eyes threaten a possible painful death for him, but the way you've turned beet red tells him that his words affect you. That's got to be a good sign. Right?
"You weren't kidding when you said you were stubborn and weren't going to give up. That I can tell. I think I'm just still iffy on the why. I mean, what exactly is it about me?"
"There are too many reasons to count. I think I knew you were the one when you said that pokemon yellow was superior because it showed you the emotions of Pikachu but the pitfall of the game was that you couldn't see all of their emotions and it was limited to just Pikachu."
"That's...absurd. How in the fuck do you even remember that?"
"I don't know, but I can tell you that love is absolutely absurd and convoluted and I've stopped trying to fight it or understand it. For the longest time, I tried to get over you, mainly because everyone had decided that you and Shochu-"
"-Shownu?"
"Yeah, sure, him. Everyone figured the two of you were going to get married and pop out babies and be the town's most beautiful couple or whatever. The point is, I figured that I had lost my chance and it was time to tuck tail before even trying. But then you guys broke up. And then you moved away, and I thought well maybe now I'll get over it. Except, the funny thing or infuriating depending on how you look at it is I couldn't get you out of my fucking head. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you have to reason absolutely everything, but most importantly the way that you see five steps ahead almost every time and somehow you see things how I see them when no one else does. Except for probably right now guessing by the look on your face. Do you finally get that-" He's cut off by the sensation of your lips pressing firmly to his own. It's not like the first time you kissed him, where it started off unsure and soft, no this one radiates the confidence he's always admired in you. The take no prisoners attitude of yours. And boy oh boy if he isn't melting like a high school girl hearing a 'sup' from her crush.
He can feel his soul depart from his body for just a moment before blood threatens to rush to his dick in a very public place with only a flimsy pair of swim trunks to shield him. As much as Changkyun would like to pull you closer and turn this into a makeout session, he's pretty sure that popping a boner is against your pool rules. So instead, he quickly pushes himself into the pool at around the same time he realizes the others are whistling and hollering while Hyungwon lets out a wail of sheer disgust. Oh well, you can't win them all.
He almost expects you to run away again, but this time you're just smiling. As if all is well in this shit hole of a world and as if you're actually happy to kiss him. Oh my god, you really are happy that you kissed him. Sweet mother of fuck, he could die right now and he'd be okay with that. "Wow. That was...wow." He ignores the finally dying out enthusiasm around him, instead just trying to focus on taking in your visage.
"Fantastic description, you really are such a wonderful poet."
"Are you ever not sarcastic?"
"Are you?"
"That's valid." He pauses at the sound of your laughter, that familiar dying seel noise making his heart thud against his ribcage and sets a frenzy of butterflies loose in his gut. When you finally stop he can't help but ask, "So why did you kiss me? I mean, don't get me wrong it was a solid 10 out of 10, would most certainly do it again. But I mean...now I'm the one who's iffy."
"Truth be told, I've been thinking about it a lot. Probably longer than you would think, as in before the first time I kissed you. You're not exactly bad looking if you haven't noticed. And while your personality is rather questionable it's questionable in all the right ways. Most of the time that is. But as you know, I'm a chronic overthinker. And I just figured I'd look like a cradle robber, or worse, a cougar on the prowl. I figured that you weren't super serious about it, and I'm just past that age of just fucking for the sake of fucking and I would especially never cross that weird boundary with someone I'm so close to. I know I say you're Hyungwon's friend because you are, but you're just as much my friend too. And that makes it kind of scary. A little too vulnerable for my normal liking, you know? But after your third confession, I realized that you couldn't still be trying this hard just to simply get in my pants. Third time's the charm I guess."
"So where exactly does that place us now? I'll leave that one hundred percent in your court, but I'm not opposed to a shotgun wedding."
"I'd have to be pregnant for it to be a shotgun wedding you absolute dork."
"I'm not opposed to that. Just picture us, lots of little hellions running around as we have exhausted five-minute quickies during their short-lived naps. Living the dream."
"That sounds absolutely terrible and I'm going to have to pass on that nightmare. I figured we could start off like normal human beings, you know, dating? As in actually going out and being boyfriend and girlfriend and not rushing into a Las Vegas wedding with fat Elvis as our officiate."
"I'll agree, but I'd like to negotiate on fat Elvis at a later date please."
"Deal."
"Did you dorks just enter into like a dating contract or something?" Minhyuk swims over to them, trying to rapidly flee when you start splashing water at his face. "Woah, woah watch the money maker there miss. I am the mastermind behind all of this, I expect to be the best man!"
"Ignore him, he's an idiot." Changkyun glares at Minhyuk before turning back to you. He kind of wants to squeal, he's that happy. He had never thought about the possibility of you having actually already liked him. You having a near panic attack after the first time you kissed him kind of killed all of those illusions of grandeur. "Noona, can I take you out on a date right now?"
"And leave these dumbasses to burn down my apartment and get me evicted, ruin my nearly perfect credit score, and leave me homeless? I think not. How about tomorrow?"
"Tonight?"
"It's already six. God clearly did not bless you with patience as you've so boldly claimed to me before."
"I'm not going to pretend to be patient when I have this opportunity right in front of me. So we'll tell them all to get their asses home at eight. Do you really want to stick around them for that much longer? I mean, they're already trashed." He watches you squint at the college kids splashing around, loudly giggling as incoherent babbles slur out of one person after the next.
"You make a strong argument. Alright, fine. Eight o'clock it is. But you get to tell everyone that they have to wrap it up, I refuse to be the bearer of bad news to them."
"OY FUCKERS!" Changkyun watches as almost everyone slowly glances over at him with glazed over eyes and alcohol-induced smiles. "You've gotta get your asses out of here by 8!"
"FINE MOM." Jooheon hollers back before they all return to their still ongoing game of cards against humanity. He's pretty sure half of the deck has sunken to the bottom of the pool at this point.
"Well, that was easy. As much as I'd love to stay for you to herd the flock back to safety later, I've got to go set up for our date. I'll pick you up." Before he pulls himself out of the pool, however, he makes sure to swim up to you and pull you in for another deep kiss. God, your lips just feel so right. So perfect. Like he's finally found his home and he never wants to leave. If he's honest he wants to do this date so quickly just to prove that all of this is real. He didn't expect you to respond to him in earnest so quickly, and now he feels both a sense of extreme exhilaration and joy coupled with looming anxiety that if he doesn't actually take you out on a date soon he'll wake up and find out that this was all an elaborate dream. Or worse, a prank.
------------------
It's currently just a few minutes past eight and Changkyun is sitting uncomfortably straight on your couch as he waits for you to finish changing. He can't remember the last time he was this nervous for a date. Middle school dance perhaps? Shit, his palms are even sweaty now. He wipes them on his jeans and takes a moment to stare at his reflection. He doesn't look too shabby. The leather jacket, beanie, black t-shirt, and fitted ripped black skinnies are a classic look. You can't go wrong with that, right? Oh god, what if you wanted him to look classy? Does this look too much like a college kid? No...no this is fine. It kind of has to be, you've already seen him. You didn't comment much though. Shit.
In the midst of his self deprecating anxiety riddled thoughts running rampant, he sees you step into the living room. You're wearing a simple white sundress and sandals, but there's something about it that drives those obnoxious butterflies wild in his stomach. Maybe it's just you. He swears you could wear a potato sack and he'd still think that you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. It's not fair how little you have to do to captivate him while he's worried about simple things like if his t-shirt is too casual to impress you.
"Are you ready to go? I'm surprised with how impatient you were to get on with this date that you weren't hollering at me to hurry up while I changed."
"We have all the time in the world tonight. And I'm glad I didn't rush you because you look...stunning."
"Well, I hope I'm dressed okay for whatever you have planned. You still aren't going to tell me where we're going are we?"
"Now who's the impatient one?" Changkyun can't help but smile at the way you roll your eyes before linking hands with him. Christ, you're really going to be the death of him. He still can't believe this is happening. He might have been the one who rushed into this date, but his brain still can't wrap around the fact that you've now kissed him twice and asked him out. Over the moon doesn't even begin to describe his enthusiasm. "No, I'd rather not spoil the surprise."
----------
It isn't long before Changkyun is pulling up to a secluded back entrance to a lake. You had once brought Hyungwon and him here during a summer visit the summer of your sophomore year. He was attacked by leeches and you had to rummage through your backpack for salt packets you pilfered at fast food places for no apparent reason. But for some reason, he felt that this just had to be the place to take you. That same day you had opened up to him about the gnawing loneliness that had occurred after leaving home, but how you refused to come back with your tail tucked between your legs to be another small town girl who just couldn't make it in a bigger city. It was the first time that you had ever confided in him, the first time that he had seen the infallible you seem so scared and lost. It had started a shift in your friendship, you had trusted in him at that moment with something you hadn't shared with anyone else.
"I can't believe you actually remember this place. I feel I should warn you, I don't carry pilfered salt packets around with me anymore so taking a dip in the lake probably isn't the best idea."
"Are you kidding me? I'd rather try to tame a wolf than enter that godforsaken water ever again."
"Taming a wolf sounds badass."
"See, you get it. Please, tell that to Hyungwon." In just a matter of seconds, he's getting out of the car and jogging around to open up your door before rummaging around in the backseat for his backpack. Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately for you, he doesn't have a kitchen to even try to make some sort of picnic evening meal from scratch. Instead, he's spent his time zipping around the grocery store for easy enough things like premade and overpriced salads, a bottle of grey goose (he'd rather not spend that much on alcohol, but he knows that you're a staunch advocate for top-shelf liquor), and a bottle of lemonade. He grabs the blanket from the back and leads the way to a small clearing before setting everything up.
"I can't help but wonder how long you've had this date actually planned. This seems like a lot for something so last minute."
"Does it? Well I mean, I guess I've kind of had this idea running around my head for a while. I kept hoping that you'd ask me to actually prove myself and take you out on a date and bam I could surprise you with a moonlit dinner by the lake that would be so beautiful and thoughtful you'd go 'oh Changkyun you're so sweet' and fall madly in love with me. But I'm not going to pretend I'm not ecstatic about the way how everything worked out in the end."
He watches you take a sip of the drink he pours for you, the way you gaze at him so intently before slipping into a comfortable silence as you take in your surroundings. It isn't until he's handed you your salad that you finally speak up. "You know...this lake holds a very important memory for me." You take a long pause, glancing over at him before continuing. "God, how long ago was it that I took you guys here? Four years ago? No. Shit, it had to have been about six years ago now, almost seven. I was going through this really rough patch. When you're a kid you think you have everything all figured out and then life hits you repeatedly in the face until you realize that you actually don't know shit. But just like you, I'm a rather stubborn person. I tried so hard to look like I was doing well when you guys came out to visit me for summer, tried to pretend like I wasn't emotionally falling apart at the seams. But I knew you could see past that facade. You've always been eerily observant of those around you, even if it looks like you're completely oblivious. But you didn't say anything, you just played along with my act of complete happiness at being miles away from everything I've ever known. Isolated and struggling to find decent friends. Until we got to this lake, and you finally asked me why I looked so hollow when I smiled when I was in the middle of pouring salt on those disgusting leeches. You wouldn't let me play it off. You said that it wasn't healthy to keep it all bottled in and for the first time in a long time I came clean. And I realized something then. Not only were you wise beyond your years, but I had always relied on you more than I had realized. You were always around to listen to me bitch about boys and parties and my parents. You had always supported me when I said I wanted to get my masters in linguistic anthropology, a very obscure field that everyone figured would amount to nothing."
You take another long pause, taking a few bites of food and sipping on your drink before looking straight at him. It's the look of analysis, that look that says you can see right through him and into his soul. Almost as if you've found a way to dive into someone's psyche and rummage around all of their thoughts. "It wasn't until a couple of years later that I understood the full weight of this realization. I figured you were just my closest friend. An ally in the midst of an internal battle, if you will. But then one night I was having an argument with Kihyun and I told him that he wasn't supportive the way you were. which is a really fucking weird thing to say to your boyfriend, you know? He was quick to point that out to me, and then he said that he didn't want to be my second choice. I think I fell in love with you at this lake, and I was just too arrogant to realize it. I'm sorry that I'm a bit of a mess. And that I keep kissing you without properly explaining or resolving things. I can't tell you how long I've wanted to tell you all of this. It feels nice to finally come clean. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you Changkyun. I love you for you. For all the weird things you do. For being there for me when no one else was. For just simply existing. For being my number one supporter. For working so hard all these years to keep up with me when really you've always been ahead in your own ways. I love the way you look at me, the way you make me feel like everything is good and pure and safe when I'm around you. I love that I can just be myself around you and how you don't hold back when you're around me. I love you."
"Holy shit." He expects to hear another quip about his failure of eloquent words but instead, you just laugh. Never in a million years would he have guessed that his unrequited love had been reciprocated for so long. To be fair, the two of you have tangled yourselves in rather complicated webs. It would be nice if life could be so straight forward in a way that the two of you could have just said all of this years ago, but neither of you are the same people now as you were back then. You've both grown, changed. He knows that he would've felt too unsure of himself, that the relationship would have been doomed to failure had you actually been honest back then because he really was too young. A bit too inept to keep up with you, a bit too insecure to have been able to confidently be by your side. But now? Now all he can think of is how much he wants to grow with you, for you, for himself. But his brain isn't allowing him to just get the damn words out.
After what feels like an eternity he finally manages to croak out, "I've been in love with you for so long that it's surreal hearing that you've felt the same way. I've dreamt of this moment you know? And I'm a little disappointed that a rainbow isn't shooting out of the night sky with a leprechaun showering us in gold because it feels like that damn magical. It just feels all...I don't know rather anticlimactic I guess, but I don't mean that in a bad way. Because this is real. It's not some romanticized fantasy. It feels natural and right and real, and holy shit do I really want to kiss you. Can I? Kiss you that is?"
He watches the way you tilt your head back and laugh before pulling in closer to him, a smile on your lips as you cock an eyebrow up and say, "I think that sounds perfect right about now." That's all he needs to hear before he places one hand on the back of your head and drags you into a slow kiss.
Every time he's kissed you it's been different. The first time was unsure, then heated, and then finally very cold. A microwave meal kiss seems an apt description to him. The second time, earlier today, that one was a declaration. It was bold. Firm. A statement. That you weren't holding back. That you wanted him. But this one is slower, more sensual. There's something lingering just underneath the surface, the sexual tension that's been building for years is trying to crash through the tidal waves of emotions. This time the two of you are confirming all the unsaid things. All the time it's taken to grow. All the time it's taken to reach this point where you could be honest. And happy. And in love. A budding love, sure. But it's mutual.
It's when he slips his tongue into your mouth that the sexual tension finally breaks through. The soft groan from your throat reverberates through his body, lighting a hunger in him as his hands quickly pull you into his lap. You respond in kind, your hands quick to roam under his shirt and across the firm planes of his abs. Perhaps Minhyuk was right. Abs are indeed a golden ticket. Not that Changkyun will ever tell him that. His hands grip tightly at your hips as he places open-mouthed kisses along your neck before stopping at the top of your breasts before you pull back to take off your dress before tugging his shirt over his head.
"I'm not usually a first date kind of gal. Not that there's a problem with that, but I have trust issues I guess. What I'm trying to say is I want you. I really want you, I don't care where we are or that this is really rushing into things, but so help me god if I don't fuck you soon Changkyun I might combust."
"Spontaneous combustion is one of my favorite myths but I'd really rather not witness that before I get to finally feel you. Shit, I want to be inside you so bad. Do you know how many times I've jerked off to the thought of you?"
"Many a tube sock ruined in high school, I can imagine. I pray that you did your own laundry."
"Of course I did! God, there is no way in hell I'd make my poor mom go through that. Puberty is awkward enough without having to explain jizz stains to your mom." His hips thrust up instinctively when you palm his already prominent erection through his pants. Good god, he prays that he doesn't nut too fast.
"Very true but you know what I'd like? For you to stop waxing poetic about the past and fuck me right now." He can feel all air leave his lungs when you pull him into another kiss before unzipping his pants and pulling his erection free. "If you want to, that is."
"Noona, I really want to fuck you. I want to, holy shit, hear you scream my name. I want to watch you cum on my cock...fuck...probably more than I want to do anything else in life." He struggles with his words when he sees your fingers wrap around his dick and slowly pump him. The way you maintain eye contact with a coy smile only has his insides boiling over. Shit, he figured you'd be the type to take the lead but it's a whole other world experiencing it than fantasizing about it. It's almost like you've put him in a trance. As if the outside world doesn't matter right now. Who cares that his dick's right out there for the world to see in front of a public lake at night, or that the two of you have barely just confessed your love and should technically be enjoying this picnic he's put together when you're looking at him like that? Certainly not him. No, all that matters right now is that he wants to feel you. Taste you. Hear your moans. And the feeling is clearly very mutual.
When you finally detract your hand to take your bra and underwear off he's both relieved and more excited than before. Holy shit, this is really happening. He's only temporarily dissatisfied that you undress so quickly, his thoughts quickly shifting when you straddle his lap and guide his hands to your core. You're already dripping wet, and even the softest flick of his thumb on your clit has you sighing contentedly into his neck. It's a bit difficult at this angle, but he's determined to hear those sighs turn into moans. He works one finger into you slowly, slipping in a second after a moment. When you arch your back and grind down he moves his thumb in slow circles around your swollen clit before speeding up at the sound of your quiet command, "faster."
It isn't long before sighs turn into mewls and then turn into moans that you muffle in the crook of his neck. "Like that, fuck, right there." He can feel his dick twitch at the lack of attention, but he doesn't care. All he wants right now is to see you climax, feel you cum on his fingers. When you do he feels you tighten, hears you cry out a loud "fuck" into his shoulder before biting down. It's magical. Fuck the leprechaun, this is the real pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He slows down when you go limp against him, breathing raggedly before smiling up at him with a dazed expression. Christ, he wants you. "Can I...can I fuck you now or...do you need a moment?"
"I mean...I could give you some head if you want."
"Yes, no, I mean. Yes, head sounds great, but no not right now. I'm about five minutes away from blowing my load, not going to lie."
"I can work with that." You take a moment to adjust before gripping his dick in your hand. "Lay back, that'll make this easier."
"Yes, ma'am." You roll your eyes when he salutes you, but you respond only by sinking onto him. You move so slowly he's afraid he'll die at this rate. It's as delicious as it is torturous, the way he feels you adjust and stretch around him as you slowly guide yourself further down his cock. He could die right now a happy man. He's had sex, but this. This is different. Better. It's fantastic, perfect, his own slice of heaven. And maybe that's why when you've taken all of him and moan softly before rolling his hips he blurts out, "I love you." Because he does. He loves you with every fiber of his being, and he doesn't want you to think that all he thinks about is sex. He sort of does, but that's not what this is about. This is more than that. this is more than sex even. It's not a random hookup, or a random girlfriend to pass the time with. No, this is you. And that makes everything different. Like he's floating on cloud nine. Like he's finally found the secret to life buried somewhere deep in your pussy.
When you roll your hips again and position his hands over your breasts you pause to respond for a moment, "I love you too." It's simple, a matter of fact. And it brings emotions rolling into it. For a moment neither of you moves. The two of you just basking in the profundity in the realization that this means something more. That the two of you are finally more. Your lips come crashing down onto his, a hunger chasing at the two of you as his hips rut in tandem each time you roll.
"Shit, shit, I'm not going to last long. I'm so sorry. I promise I'm normally not, fuck!" He stops functioning when your hands grip his balls.
"It's okay, I already came earlier. Let go, Changkyun." It only takes you grinding down on him once, twice, three more times before he's spilling inside you. His orgasm hits him with a force he's not used to. A loud groan leaves him before he pants out your name, goosebumps rising up on his flesh as his hands move to quickly grip your hips closer to him.
"Fuck, fuck. Holy fuck, Noona." He loves the way you laugh, squeezing around his rapidly softening dick before peppering kisses around his face. And even though he's limp and sliding out of you and smearing cum all over your thighs and his jeans neither of you care. The two of you just bask in soft stolen kisses, quiet declarations of love and adoration, and bouts of giggles. He isn't sure how long the two of you stay like that. It might have been just a few minutes or an hour. It's easy to lose track of time when he's with you. But when the two of you do finally break away to get dressed it's more because of the chill in the air than anything else. As you pack up your long forgotten salads he grabs your hand and pulls you into another kiss. He's always wanted to be able to do that. Just hold hands with you. Kiss you. Be by your side. In a way, somehow, that's even better than the fact that he finally got to sleep with you. But he's pretty sure that would sound lame so instead, he says, "Noona, I really love you. And I don't know where life is going to take us, but I do know I want it to be with you. I mean, I know that sounds dumb and serious considering that we technically only started dating, and I'm totally rushing into things but-"
"Changkyun. It's okay. You don't sound dumb. I'm glad you're telling me all of this because I really love you too. And I'm really glad that I can finally say that. So please, stop thinking so damn much."
"We both know that's never going to happen. We're both chronic overthinkers. But...I am really happy."
"Good. We have a lot to talk about, and think about. But right now I'm freezing my ass off, so how about you spend the night with me and we can cuddle in my warm cozy bed and think about all the possibilities life has in store for us there?"
"That sounds perfect. Hey, how soon do you think we should tell our parents?"
"Oh my god, you complete and utter dork. Save it for the warm bed, please."
-------------------
That night the two of you did, indeed, cuddle and wax philosophical for hours although that was sometime between showering and going for a round two. That day was the start of many moments with you. There were, of course, hiccups in it all, but it always ended up working out. He learns that love is constantly evolving and changing. The love that he held for you that night doesn't remain. It grows into something much more than any daydream could have ever seen for the two of you. Sometime's it's softer, especially on nights that the two of you lay in bed and just comfort each other after hard days. Sometimes it's a bit smug, like the time the two of you go home for Christmas and run into Shownu or the times you run into his previous flings. Sometimes it's a passionate frenzy. Sometime's it a bit haggard, especially on the nights that follow one particular passionate frenzy that results in your daughter who doesn't know how to sleep through the goddamn night until she's four. But the core concept that is love, the fact that the two of you want each other and want to face the world together? Well, that never changes. If anything, it grows stronger. Although, he still refused to admit even decades later that Minhyuk had a helping hand in sparking the moment that would start everything.
#changkyun fanfic#changkyun smut#changkyun fanfiction#monsta x fanfic#monsta x reader insert#changkyun reader insert#Monsta x fanfiction
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simself tag
I was tagged by @fussysim
I tag any of my followers that want to do this
take a shot every time I say “my boyfriend”
traits: goofball, foodie, clumsy
aspiration: friend of the world
1. What is your full name? tristan egbert
2.What is your nickname? tris/tj
3. Birthday? december 14
4. What is your favorite book series? I don’t,. really read that often
5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? Y E S
6. Who is your favorite author? once again I really don’t read
7. What is your favorite radio station? pop + alt
8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? mango, fruit punch, etc etc, I like fruity things
9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? “holy shit!”
10. What is your current favorite song? I have too many favs at all times for this
11. What is your favorite word? curse words lots of curse words
12. What is the last song you listened to? self esteem - the offspring
13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? jane the virgin, how I met your mother, izombie, Gotham, hmu for more recs
14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? marvel movies + childhood movies
15. Do you play video games? mostly sims, I have others but I don’t have the accessibility to play them hh
16. What is your biggest fear? being alone
17. What is your best quality in your opinion? I’m good at listening and I’m a big people pleaser
18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? how lazy I am and how quickly I get peeved/angry
19. Do you like cats or dogs better? cats!
20. What is your favorite season? autumn
21. Are you in a relationship? yes :D
22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not much if I’m being honest
23. Who is your best friend? my boyfriend
24. What is your eye color? yellow, red, forest green and royal blue
25. What is your hair color? split pink & black but naturally dirty blonde
26. Who is someone you love? my mom + dad & my boyfriend & my siblings
27. Who is someone you trust? my boyfriend
28. Who is someone you think about Often? m y b o y f r I e n d
29. Are you currently excited about/for something? starting testosterone :) + meeting my boyfriend next year
30. What is your biggest obsession? uHh. cc, sims, Netflix, marvel, my boyfriend
31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? hannah montana, icarly, victorious, sam and cat, there are so many more but I’m absolutely blanking rn
32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? I don’t really have many friends that are girls .. oops?
33. Are you superstitious? 50/50
34. Do you have any unusual phobias? none that I can really think of
35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? kind of both
36. What is your favorite hobby? PHOTOGRAPHYYYYY
37. What is the last book you read? i. don’t. read.
38. What is the last movie you watched? fantastic beasts with my boyfriend and his best friends
39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? I am trying to learn guitar but I have ADHD/ADD and I have a hard time self-teaching
40. What is your favorite animal? panda, red pandas, fox, raccoon, turtle, cats.
41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I just started out. pls.
42. What superpower do you wish you had? I just wish I wasn’t this dumb ((I’m keeping ur answer, I’m wheezing))
43. When and where do you feel most at peace? when I’m on the phone with my boyfriend
44. What makes you smile? my boyfriend, sims, music, photography
45. What sports do you play, if any? none
46. What is your favorite drink? monster mango loco + pacific punch
47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? recently I keep a journal of notes to my boyfriend
48: Are you afraid of heights? y e s
49: What is your biggest pet peeve? misophonia, look it up
50. Have you ever been to a concert? yeah
51. Are you vegan/ vegetarian? no, I honestly don’t have the motivation or willpower to do it but when I move in with my boyfriend that’s gonna stop HDHBD
52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? cosmetologist/ photographer
53: What fictional world would you like to live in? I can’t think of the name but the place in guardians of the galaxy
54. What is something you worry about? being alone, dying, people not liking me, embarrassing myself.
55. Are you scared of the dark? no, and yes
56. Do you like to sing? yes but I’m not good at it
57. Have you ever skipped school? I dropped out bc of it so yes
58. What is your favorite place on the planet? anywhere my boyfriend is
59. Where would you like to live? U.K.
60. Do you have any pets? 5 cats
61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl
62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunset
63. Do you know how to drive? yes but I don’t have driving license oops
64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds
65. Have you ever had braces? no, but I need them
66: What is your favorite genre of music? pop punk + indie + pop + basically anything but country, folk, classic dhsjsj shit like that ion like
67: Who is your hero? I don’t think I necessarily have one?
68: Do you read comic books? yes
69: What makes you most angry? misophonia, being blamed for things I didn’t do, not being listened to, being undermined, etc things of the sort
70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? both tbh
71. What is your favorite subject in school? art
72. Do you have any siblings? 10
73. What was the last thing you bought? I can’t remember
74. How tall are you? 5 foot 4
75. Can you cook? not exactly
76. What are three things that you love? boyfriend, music, my cats
77. What are three things you hate? anxiety, fear, abandonment
78. Do you have more male or female friends? male
79. What is your sexual orientation? homosexual but panromantic
80. Where do you currently live? united states /:
81. Who was the last person you texted? my boyfriend
82. When was the last time you cried? idk!!!
83. Who is your favorite youtuber? jacksepticeye
84. Do you like to take selfies? yes I am very insecure but also very vain ((god we are the same person))
85. What is your favorite app? twitter
86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)? kind of don’t like necessarily like them but I don’t hate them
87. What is your favorite foreign accent? British accents but this is biased bc of my boyfriend
88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? japan
89. What is your favorite number? 14
90. Can you juggle? nope
91. Are you religious? I don’t.. know…
92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space, ocean scares tf out of me ((keeping this too))
93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? impulsive but not daredevil
94. Are you allergic to anything? freshly cut grass tbh
95. Can you curl your tongue? no
96. Can you wiggle your ears? no
97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? normally when it happens if I catch on, if I didn’t realize I was wrong I admit when it’s pointed out
98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest
99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? uh I haven’t really gotten any
100. Are you a good liar? unfortunately yes
101. What is your Hogwarts house? hufflepuff
102. Do you talk to yourself? when I’m pissed
103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert
104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yes but they’re more like love notes to my boyfriend
105. Do you believe in second chances? yes and I give more than that bc I’m weak and too nice for existence
106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? …. id be lying if I said I’d turn it in right away, I would have to contemplate that
107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but only with help
108. Are you ticklish? yes
109. Have you ever been on a plane? nope, will be next year
110. Do you have any piercings? eyebrow, labret, septum, tongue, my ears are stretched, and I have more piercings planned
111. What fictional character do you wish were real? … uhhHhh I’m blanking
112. Do you have any tattoos? I have an XØ and a fiatp symbol on my left wrist
113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? following my boyfriend back when he followed me, to begin with
114. Do you believe in karma? yes for sure
115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses
116. Do you want children? 2-3, I’m adopting though
117. Who is the smartest person you know? my boyfriend
118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I have many
119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? all the time
120. What color are most of your clothes? black or my fav colors
121. Do you like adventure? YES
122. Have you ever been on TV? nope
123. How old are you? 19!!
124. What is your favorite quote? If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.
125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory (and spicy!!!!!!)
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Brazilian Bae
I had learnt my lesson from my incident with Interchangeable Bae who, if anything, did a pretty good job of single-handedly personifying the reasons Brexit is a bad idea. I was not going to make the same mistake twice so for my next date I went as international as possible. Enter Francisco. Francisco was half Brazilian and half Swiss but had gone to university, or school as he called it, in America. That’s three out of the seven continents covered in one sentence! You can’t get much better than that. Well it turns out you can - he was clearly a dab hand at travel and willing to show off his skills, offering to travel up to my neck of the woods, Camden for our date. The dream: continental yet convenient!
This got me thinking, maybe there was another benefit to restarting “The Dater Analyst”. I decided to take every dating opportunity, when possible, to try out a different bar in my new neighbourhood. This was admittedly a risky strategy; if I suggested a bar I’d never been to and it turned out to be an absolute dive or, as can quite often be the case in Camden, we accidentally ended up in a punk metal themed Irish pub or a gothic brewery, the date may not form the best first impression. Secondly, I could get hit with the double whammy of a bad bar AND a bad date; finding myself drinking warm flat beer and sticking to the floor of a shabby pub whilst simultaneously wracking my brain for anything to say to keep the conversation alive with someone who had lost a great deal of hair and gained a great deal of weight since the pictures on their dating profile were taken... On balance I decided it was worth a try, if nothing else The Dater Analyst can become a handy (and pretty niche) guide to dating in North West London.
To kick off my new experiment I had selected Fifty Five Bar, a local cocktail bar. I got there first and quickly realised I had already lost on the first gamble of the evening. The bar was fine but a bit studenty; the paintwork was rather chipped and the holes in the faux leather benches that lined the walls like a common room has been covered with several layers of sellotape. It didn’t scream romance. It was also nowhere near Halloween which made me wonder whether the decorations were still up from last year, if the bar was meant to have a vampire theme, or if the cobwebs were just due to lack of dusting. It was not a great start to the date when Francisco walked in and I immediately had to apologise for the location. We also quickly learnt that they didn’t have any beer on draft so we had to make do with the lukewarm bottles I had been dreading.
Our surroundings had set the standard pretty low. Conversation with Francisco put the evening on a steady incline though. It turned out that not only was he half Brazilian, half Swiss and educated in America but he also worked in foreign policy and had previously lived in both Myanmar and Pakistan. That was another continent ticked off, ten minutes in and we were over half way towards a continental bingo! Given his profession as well, it looked like he was in with a pretty high chance of hitting a full house! Things only improved when he also mentioned that he spoke five languages. I was suitably impressed and mumbled something about having spent a couple of months in France and worked in a bar in Peru (I didn’t let on that this only increased my Spanish vocabulary by about five words: avocado, bill, beer, drink and thank you). My year abroad in Sydney was also beginning to look rather tame.
Ok, so he had absolutely trumped me on the travel front. The conversation turned to another mutual interest, literature. It turned out he had just finished Sally Rooney’s Normal People and was now reading Milkman by Anna Burns. This was huge news. These are both books that we have done for our book group and are probably two of the most unanimously liked and avidly debated books we have had since the group formed over two years ago. Major brownie points to Francisco.
Another round of lukewarm beers was ordered and conversation turned to plans for the future. Francisco said that whilst he really enjoyed his job his ambition was to move to his own farm one day. Ah, I grew up on a farm in Cumbria, how convenient! With all the major bases covered I decided to see how good this guy really was and chuck in a few curve balls. For the first time since I moved here, I considered myself a real Londoner as we spent the next ten minutes discussing the correct tube etiquette - I had a whole new respect for him when I found out that he quite happily asked people to stand up if there was someone more deserving of their seat. He still found the levels of British politeness and enjoyment of queueing baffling but whole-heartedly agreed with my belief that vegans shouldn’t have Amazon Prime (maybe one to be discussed in a further post).
I know what you’re thinking, this guy sounds like an absolute catch. Why has the blog come back at all? Why haven’t I just ridden straight off into the sunset with Francisco to tick off those last three remaining continents? There was just one issue though. Whilst I could have sat and talked to Francisco for hours on end, I had absolutely no desire to rip his clothes off. It wasn’t that he wasn’t good looking. There was absolutely nothing misleading about him or different from the pictures I had initially swiped right to, there just wasn’t a spark. So much so, that I got nervous for the end of the date, in case he might lean in. I really didn’t want to kiss him but also really didn’t want to reject him because he was so great.
On a quick side note, I learnt a wee tip on this date that could be potentially beneficial to anyone contemplating dabbling in app dating but too nervous to make the leap. When organising the date, caveat the discussion by saying that you can only stay until a certain time as you have dinner plans. In this instance I did in fact have dinner plans but that needn’t necessarily be the case. This way you go into a date knowing that you already have an exit strategy, even if it is truly awful you will be able to count down the minutes until you have said you have to leave rather than desperately wracking your brains to find a reason to get out of there without being rude. If, alternatively, it is love at first sight, you can either conveniently find a reason that your dinner has been cancelled or know that you are leaving them wanting more.
In this instance, I was about to get up to leave when he said he needed the loo. I said that I actually had to go too or I was going to be late for dinner so the parting was a quick hug rather than the usual prolonged putting on of coats, collecting belongings, leaving the bar together, working out which direction the other one is going in then potentially being faced with the worst situation of all: a good bye on the tube. Avoid this one at all costs! So many witnesses, such awkward angles, so many possibilities of getting the timing wrong. Say goodbye too early and you risk the train suddenly stopping short of the platform meaning you have to go through the whole thing again thirty seconds later. Say goodbye too late and there’s a rushed hug with backpacks and elbows everywhere followed by a mad scramble for the door. Come to think of it, I really should have brought this up in my lengthy discussion with Francisco about tube etiquette!
The next day I had an incredibly sweet message from Francisco saying that he had loved meeting me and would like to get to know me better but got the impression I wasn’t really feeling it and if that was the case there was no hard feelings. I really need to work on hiding my emotions better! Full marks to Francisco though for his emotional intelligence. I replied saying that he was right, I wasn’t really feeling it romantically but had enjoyed my evening and would love to stay in touch as friends (it’s really hard to ever use that line without it sounding incredibly corny). I asked him if he would like to join my book club. He didn’t reply. Fair enough really.
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making of the AL video...
There was a time in my life when I swore I wouldn’t make a music video because they “always made the song worse for me”. Yeah I changed my mind...
I’m feeling a nice combo of caffinated and nostalgic so I will write write write until it comes times for me to get on a train to Seattle...
Making the Always Leaving video was one of the most fun projects I’ve worked on, for obvious reasons. I drove from Portland to Orange County by myself in a
long lunatic drive where I kept screaming “overcome!” to myself when I’d start to doze off at the wheel. Crawford flew in and we started filming in our hometown of Newport Beach, CA in the early morning, worked our way through LA, quick stop in Carpenteria and Santa Barbara (kinda regretting skipping Ventura), then pulled off and watched the sunset from a dirt road on the crest of a hill where we spent almost an hour trying to film this flying bat in the purple dusk (never got a good shot of it smh a waste of lots of gb’s). We pulled into SLO after dark and parked downtown on Higuera and stood outside the van drinking some of those pocket shots you can buy at the liquor store. After a couple we walked around the downtown bar scene filming myself standing idly infront of all the dressed up college crowd. Scantily clad party girls surrounded me as I stared blankly into the camera and we told them we were filming a video for Plain White Tees. They loved that. Some dude did a backflip. None of this made the video except a brief moment where I stand in bubble gum alley. We parked the van that night in Los Osos on a little dead end road by the bay water. I recall taking a piss in the trees and thinking about how much I miss SLO and how much of a gem this area is, then tried to fall asleep amongst all the camera cords and charging batteries and Crawford sprawling out on our futon bed as if he’s never shared a bed before. In the morning we tried to get drone footage of Montana De Oro at sunrise but the drone that my brother lent to us would come crashing down after a minute in the air and I wasted a beautiful sunrise cursing technology and nursing my bruised Go Pro. We drove over to Morro Bay and at last I got to surf underneath my beloved Morro Rock and the waves were fun that morning and smelled fishy and of course that Morro Bay ocean smell brought me back to my SLO years where I’d sit on my board staring up the coast at Cayucos contemplating Kerouac and Portland. Big Sur was grand of course but it was a hazy cloudy day and we’ve seen it better. Still the video gave us an excuse to explore some side roads and find views that we’d never seen in Big Sur before. Crawford was instagram messaging with some Big Sur instagram famous dharma yogi rainbow warrior and we thought she’d take us somehwere special but alas she stopped responding and we had to get to Santa Cruz. I saw my old pal Kurkjian and his crew in Santa Cruz, and while our shots of the boardwalk are nice they dont represent Santa Crux to me and I wish we’d gone elsewhere for our establishing show like Steamer’s Lane or that Taco Bell downtown that gets rowdy late night. Well that drive on the 1 from SC to SF is awfully gorgeous and we caught some epic norcal coastal sunset footage just north of Davenport, then met up with my brother Riley for some Chinese food in SF. I remember being so exhausted I began dozing off at the dinner table then we went home and filmed an action skit with Nerf Guns only to wake up to some news of a shooting... dont remember which shooting this was...doesn’t matter... Crawford immediately deleted his snap chats of our shoot out. My brother always brags about how he’d bomb the hills of Outer Sunset on his skateboard all the way to the beach so we decided to try it. We skitched on the back of his room mates truck to the top of a hill and down we went with Crawford filming from the truck bed. To my surprise my brother had become a really great skater and it was me who was speed checking every 20 yards or so. We got the shot, and I told Crawford that we’ll have to find a couple second clip where I actually look cool on the board and not constantly slowing down and looking for traffic. I still can’t believe how my brother would shoot through those SF intersections without taking his eyes off the ocean horizon below. Well we got some coffee at this toast and coconut place called like Trouble or something that my girlfriend and I heard about in a podcast. It was a whatever hyped place but a ton of friends came out to meet us and we had a pretty nice morning chatting and enjoying the Sunset district’s chillness. I was being a bit too casual as I suggested we all walk to the Mollusk surf shop and Crawford grew anxious and cranky because, he was right, we needed to get back on the road. So there’s that classic shot of the asian tourists with the selfie stick on the golden gate bridge and we were off into the big question mark of a landscape that is the Cali Coast north of SF! And jesus oliver christ once you get above Stinson Beach that norcal coast is just about as desolate and beautiful as you can get! We got epic shots of the dilapidated Point Reyes ship yard and cemetary at dusk and that shot of the whale mural through the fence is one of my favs (mostly cause of a specific Dick Diver lyric) and we arrived in Mendocino after dark where we took refuge in this mountainy dive bar that had a huge smelly moose head on the wall and uploaded our footage and charged batteries until the staff kicked us out and we slept in the van and woke up to that spanking gold coastal sun and I pissed in the tall green grass I was so happy. Well it was this last section of the trip that truly felt free and American frontier little boy with no rules exploration euphoria. We stopped in Legget at this roadside bar and grill where the custodian (clearly on meth or some upper) showed us around and told us all about the big country festival they have in the summer and how he brings girls back to his RV (covered in moss and parked in the trees behind the property) and how he has 12 different facebook accounts all with different aliases because you never know who is watching you. Then a few miles down the road we pulled the van off by a river and we jumped in naked and I laid out naked on this log that was sticking up and that warm bark on my back just about let me die right there and I jumped back in the water off this log and the footage of that is really not flattering... and on our way back to the van we came across this huge uprooted tree with a sort of hide out built out of it’s underside with all sorts of feathers and crystals and animal skulls aligned in patters like a Pagan shrine or Wicchan execution ceremony and it was legitiately spooky enough that we didnt stick around to get footage I dont think. Anyone who’s driven the 101 up here knows that Big Foot themed pull off with all the giant wood carvings and all sorts of mystical norcal souveniers. It was here I bought my coon skin cap and ya that was the moment I wished we could never go home and just romp around these mountains and coastline looking for adventure forever. I ate that bag of Famous Amos cookies all the way to Arcata where we met up with our wise philosopher friend and girlfriend for some basketball and bison viewing. She took us to some remote beach and for some reason we were all about to get naked but we decided to trek further up the coast to catch one last sunset shot. We stressed hard about that sunset shot when in reality we had plenty of sunset shots already but we needed that ONE GREAT SHOT to finish out the video. We didnt get anything epic except, cleverly I think, we pulled off to some beach and Crawford got that clever shot of my standing on the rock with my homemade alligator bumper sticker in the foreground and BOOM that was pretty much it. From there we took the north east pointing highway (i forget what number it is?) that goes through Cave Junction (spooky interesting place we should go back and explore) towards Grants Pass. We got that final shot of the Welcome to Oregon sign which we needed to conclude the whole vid and we stopped at a Denny’s for dinner around 2 AM. After that I blasted a bunch of old punk records and raced the 5 hrs back up the 5 to Portland to get Crawford to work ontime at his 6 AM radio gig. I dont remember what I did after that but I am assuming I slept and then went to nanny the kids that I was nannying at the time. The end!
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The Wreckers - New Hideout
Chapter 2 of my Pokemon Thuglife AU. Again, inspiration comes from my good friend Puck’s Pokemon Superhero AU, Dustpan. Check her Twitter Puckarooni.
Enjoy the exploits of my young punks.
Alolan Joe - Alolan Ratata
Ben - Spearow
Zach - Zigzagoon
Sherman - Sentret
~~~~
The Wreckers stood in the parking lot of the old thrift shop. The sun was setting on the cape and cast an orange glow over the scene.
“Ben,” Said Joe, contemplating while stroking his ‘stache, “When I said we needed an official hangout for our official crew, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
Ben quirked his head to the side, “It’s the only abandoned place left in town.” He folded his arms and turned to Joe, “Unless you want to start a turf war with The Darkness.”
Sherman coughed, “The Darkness? B-But they are the biggest and baddest team in town.”
“We’d be crushed.” Zack said, picking up a discarded “thrift shop rewards” card off the ground.
Joe cleared his throat. “Right, no need for that.” He looked back to the thrift shop. The sunset reflected off the cracked windows and illuminated the several layers the filth and graffiti that had piled on since it was abandoned years ago.
“It’s…perfect.” Joe said, gagging on the words as they came out. “Let’s go in a check out the official crash pad for the Wreckers.”
They all nodded and followed Joe into the thrift shop. The setting sun continued to creep its way down the horizon.
…
Ben ripped off the boards baring the entrance and they made their way inside. The shelving was in disrepair and the paint on the walls was peeling. The floorboards showed their lack of maintenance as well. The air was heavy and each footstep echoed and somehow enhanced the silence.
The team split up to investigate the shop.
Joe wandered the aisles, murmuring about future design plans. “ah yes, the pool table will go here. And this is where we can have the television. I wonder where we could fit the couch…”
Ben had already set about pushing some of the shelving around to make space for themselves.
Zack and Sherman wandered the perimeter together.
“Hey, Zack.” Sherman said, looking over the stuff on the shelves, “Do you know why this place was abandoned?”
Zack looked over a handful of penny candies he had found.
“It’s haunted.” He said.
Sherman looked at him in a moment that seemed to last too long.
Zack looked up at him, his eyes shining from within his hoodie.
“Maybe.” He concluded. Sherman let out a breath he realized he had been holding. He turned and noticed that Ben and Joe had overheard the comment and had stopped their activities. Everyone froze for a moment.
“Welp,” Joe said at last, “I think that works for our first survey.” He clapped his hands, “We’ll come back again tomorrow.”
Ben scoffed, “Feh, what’s the matter? You scared?” He crossed his arms and smirked.
Joe and Sherman spoke over each other, each with their own flair for denial.
“Yes,” Zack said sheepishly.
Joe looked back at the sunset, “Besides, it is getting rather-” Suddenly, the four of them were plunged into pitch black. “-dark.”
From the center of the shop a hazy purple glow bubbled up from the ground. The four members clamored for the exit in the dim, eerie light. Ben grabbed at the door but it wouldn’t budge. They fought for an attempt to try the door as the light grew stronger. A large ball of purple ethereal vapor hovered in the center of the shop before a pair of bright red eyes flashed and locked on the small group.
“TRESPASSERS!” Came a bellowing voice. The mass started to float towards them.
“Dammit, Ben! You had to pick a haunted place.” Joe cried.
“This is not my fault, you bristle-lipped jerk.” Ben said. Joe snapped to Ben with eyes full of fire in complete disregard to the looming supernatural danger.
“Guys, come on,” Sherman said with a quivering voice, “Isn’t there something we can do?”
“Give it something?” Zack said. He reached into his pockets and pulled out his current stash.
Sherman picked out the thrift shop rewards card, “What is this?”
Joe glanced over and saw the card, “That!” He said, snatching the card, “Is our ticket out of this.”
“TRESPASSERS!” It roared again. The mass had finished its slow, menacing migration and was now looming over the four of them. “YOU WILL BE–“
“Actually,” Joe said, holding up the card, “We’re customers.” He spoke with absolute confidence, almost casually.
“Customers?” The mass said, in a nervous and soft tone.
Suddenly, the lights in the shop came to life. Joe and his crew covered their eyes until they adjusted. Standing before them was a young woman with wild, flowing purple hair and a tall pointed hat. She wore an apron that had a name tag on it.
She clapped her hands in front of herself, “I’m terribly sorry, valued customer, feel free to look around.” Her voice was mellow and comforting. The four of them glanced at one another and then to the shop. Illuminated, it had taken on a new life, looking much less of a total wreck than before. The woman nodded and then levitated off the ground to go tend to the aisles.
The crew stood in shock. Ben woke up first and slapped Joe in the gut.
“Ouph, ahem yes.” He straightened up, “Well, I am afraid we can’t stay tonight. Must be moving on.” He offered.
The lady turned to them with a dour look on her face, “O-oh.” Her shoulders slumped forward, the lights began to dim.
“A-actually,” Sherman said, “I was wondering if you had uh–” He glanced at Zack who pulled out one of the penny candies and shrugged. “Uh, penny candies?”
She lit up again, the lights of the shop coming back to full illumination, “Why yes we do. Right this way, valued customer.” She glided through the air and showcased a small section with different colorful wrappers on display. “We have a rather impressive selection, I think.”
Sherman and Zack joined her and began nervously looking over the candies. The atmosphere relaxed slightly, Ben looked over the shop and sighed.
“I guess this is a no-go, huh?” Ben said.
Joe twizzled his mouse-stache, “I wouldn’t say that.” Joe walked up to the floating ghost woman. “Say, my dear. You wouldn’t happen to have a place where we might be able to rest a spell?” he motioned to the others, “We have been working hard all day and could really use a place to take a load off.”
She regarded him for a moment, her face scrunched in and she glanced around the shop. “Hmm, well,” She said, biting her lip, “I am not really supposed to, but,” She looked back at him, “But you are valued customers so I think it will be fine.”
She flitted over to a door along the back wall that said “employees only”. She opened it up and it revealed a small lounge with a TV, a couch, some tables and chairs and a vending machine. “Feel free to relax as long as you like.” She said. “After all, it has been a long time since we had customers.” She looked away, her eyes unfocused, “A long…time.”
“Yes thank you,” Ben said, scooting past them and hurling himself on the couch. He landed with a thud and kicked his feet up on the shoulder rest. “Aha! That’s more like it.”
Joe joined him in the room, seated at one of the tables. “Yes, yes this will do wonderfully. Thank you very much Miss…uh,” He squinted at her apron, “Drevie?”
The woman nodded, “You can call me ‘Dee’.” She said.
Joe smiled back at her, “Excellent, Miss Dee. My name is Joe, that’s Ben.” He motioned to the couch. Ben lazily lifted his hand in greeting. “And the two outside are Zack and Sherman.”
“A pleasure to meet you all. Oh, I had better get back to the floor. Take care.” She said and fluttered off.
Joe leaned back in his chair and stroked his mouse-stache. “yes, this will work.”
…
Sherman and Zack joined them in the lounge when they finished purchasing their candy. The ordeal had left them all rather spent, before they knew it, they had passed out in the employee lounge. Joe joined them in resting his eyes a spell. Ben had been snoring since Dee went to cash out Sharman and Zack.
Dee dutifully stood at the register till daybreak, awaiting any further customers.
…
Joe pried open his eyes as a brisk chill washed over him. He sat up from where he had been lying in the grass. He looked around. He had somehow ended up outside, looking at the backside of the thrift shop. Nearby, the rest of his crew snoozed in a heap. Joe got to his feet and cleared his throat.
“Alright, look alive you punks.” He said, clapping his hands.
Ben grumbled and pulled his blanket tighter over him, which was actually Zack’s hoodie and caused the poor boy to be flung over onto Sherman, who yelped and flailed his arm, smacking Ben in the face. The three of them groaned.
Joe rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “Let’s try that again. Up and at’em, gents!”
The three of them got to their feet.
“Hey, where’d the couch go?” Ben said.
“Did Dee kick us out?” Sherman said.
“Ben was snoring.” Zack said. Ben shoved him.
Joe shrugged, “Dunno about that. But I dare say our souls have not been sucked dry, so that’s something.”
There was general murmur of agreement.
“So,” Ben said smirking, “This haunted shop our official crash pad now?”
Joe looked to Sherman and Zack.
Sherman smiled, “It’s a wreck, but I guess that is kind of our thing.”
Zack nodded.
Joe laughed and twizzled his mouse-stache. “Then it is settled.” He placed his hand on the side of the building, “This will be our new pad.”
The others gave a vigorous cheer. Vigorous for the early morning, at least. Joe then turned to Ben with sharp and critical look, “Now Ben, you may apologize to me.”
Ben quirked an eyebrow, “Huh, for what?”
Joe stroked his ‘stache, “You know very well what, you sharp-eyed pigeon!”
Ben stepped right up into Joe’s face, “You wanna say that again?”
Joe sized up Ben, Ben sized up Joe. They sized each other for a moment before Joe spoke again, “I apologize for my morning breath, it must be difficult to stand there.”
Ben blinked through watering eyes, “Absolute torture.”
The two of them laughed and Joe wrapped his arm around Ben’s shoulders, “You had me going there, friend.”
“No use beating you,” Ben said snickering, “Your head’s too damn hard.”
They exchanged another laugh and walked out to the parking lot. Sherman looked at the haunted shop again.
“I hope we see Dee again.” He said.
“We will,” Zach said, taking out the rewards card and flipping it over in his hands.
#writing#pokemon#The Wreckers#Pokemon au#Thugpunk#Urban Fantasy#Ghosts#young punks trying to befriend a haunted thriftstore
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Loba Pastry + Coffee
There were never any chairs at Bad Wolf Coffee, a beloved Chicago coffee shop known for its stellar pastries. You don’t think much about chairs until they aren’t there. There was a table customers could stand at, but the message was clear—don’t linger. When Val Taylor, a former Bad Wolf employee and supertalented pastry chef, took over the space a couple of years ago, one of the first things she did was add chairs. It was a small correction that significantly changed both the way the space worked and felt. Taylor also changed the name to Loba, Spanish for wolf, or more specifically she-wolf. The name is perfect.
Taylor moved to the states from Guadalajara when she was a teenager. Raised by women who cared about food and cooking, she gravitated toward it too, though she didn’t imagine pursuing it professionally. By the time she made her way to Chicago in her early 20’s, she found herself working a job she didn’t care about and searching the want ads for other opportunities. She saw that a restaurant called Blackbird was searching for a pastry assistant. Despite not having experience, or even a sense of what Blackbird was (one of the greatest fine dining rooms in the city) she talked her way into the job and under the wing of the pastry crew headed by Patrick Fahy. She liked the work, learned quickly, and before long she was confident that that was what she wanted to do. That initial training lead to a bunch of other experiences in impressive kitchens in Chicago and New York. Often staging for experience in between paid kitchen gigs. She had a lot of energy and was eager to learn everything she could.
But like many people who spend much time in the industry, Taylor gradually found herself feeling exhausted by the work and uncertain about her future. It seemed hard to imagine maintaining the fine dining restaurant grind—the hours, the repetition, the creative restrictions. She took a job working in an office in the suburbs because it seemed to make practical sense, but it quickly made her miserable. She laughs now remembering how often she would try to cheer herself up with a trip to Margie’s Candies after work, “Eventually they didn’t even need to ask for my order.” She’d found herself back where she started, working a job she wasn’t invested in and thinking about food.
Taylor had heard from friends about a coffee shop in Lakeview that was making great pastries. She woke up early one morning on a day off and decided to give it a try. She was existential crisis-ing and spent the walk contemplating her future. She knew when she entered Bad Wolf that is was something special and told the owner, Jonathan Ory, that she wanted to work there. He didn’t need an employee at the time, but somehow Taylor charmed (bullied?) her way into the kitchen, and found herself baking there in her free time.
When Bad Wolf closed (Ory moved out of state) it was resurrected and reinvented by Taylor (and partner Coyote DeGroot) as Loba, the name inspired by a story about an alpha female wolf in Yellowstone known for her dominance. It was Taylor’s opportunity to make the space her own. The name change brought with it those chairs, wifi, and smiles—a kinder, gentler, wolf, in some ways. In others, it was much more fierce—its potential realized. The physical space became more intentional, weirder, goth-ier (?). A collection of clocks on the wall tell us the time in Winnipeg, Chicago, Veracruz, and Belize, randomly (Taylor can’t explain it either). There is a possibly ironic shrine to Steve Dolinsky, famous headshot-wielding Chicago restaurant critic/shill; and a collection of miniature plastic body parts surrounding the tip jar. In a sense, the space became itself, or herself. It also features Taylor, a compelling character, and her small staff who spend the mornings greeting and chatting with regulars. It’s fun to get Taylor talking about her food, the excitement is contagious. She always humors me when I bombard her with questions about how something is made. Most mornings you’ll find her running up the stairs to check on something in her shoebox of a kitchen between pours of coffee and conversation.
And that kitchen is the most important change, the pastry game became smart and adventurous, and for me, some of the most exciting stuff in Chicago. It really howls. Taylor often draws on flavors and forms from her native Mexico. She makes a remarkable Tres Leches cake using sourdough, cajeta caneles, and a mole croissant (although, philosophically, she’d like everyone to get over their obsession with “fucking croissants”). But there are other influences, a matcha cheese danish, a violet-glazed buckwheat cake, a ham and cheese kouign-amann (vestiges of her fine dining days?). She’s as likely to make something vegan or gluten free as she is not. A Pineapple and Sourdough muffin I recently ordered was both it turned out, but I would’ve been sure it was mostly wheat and butter. Her decisions to include or exclude seem determined by outcomes rather than diet concerns. She also plays with sweetness, pushing into savory territory at times.
On a recent visit I asked Taylor about why the shop hasn’t gotten more press—I remain confused by how under the radar it has flown, despite my own excitement and proselytizing. I hypothesized that it is partially a pastry problem, historically the most neglected part of kitchens, which of course is wrapped up in gender problems—they’re often staffed by females. She didn’t disagree, but she also suggested it was partially her fault. She admits to being bad at seeking out press and also, “I’m a punk. I’m too unpredictable.” She explained that what has happened in the past is that something she made would get press, a chocolate cardamom muffin, let’s say, and then customers would show up wanting to try one, but it wasn’t there. Usually because Taylor got tired of making it and moved on to other things.
This becomes part of the deal you strike as a regular at Loba, it’s unpredictable. You might find something you truly love, and you may never see it again. You gotta trust in Taylor—trust that the thing you love will be replaced by something equally delicious. It leads to another kind of regular, the kind of regular who is game for whatever. A devotee. It keeps things interesting for Taylor, she’s operating on her own terms and every day can be an adventure. Her years in kitchens taught her a lot about what she needs to sustain this work for herself and she is not going to get stuck making the same thing every day. She has found creative freedom (and better hours) at Loba, and we all benefit.
One of the few things that show up regularly in the Loba pastry case is Taylor’s Pepita Crunch Bar, inspired by florentine cookies and palanquetas de cacahuate. It is a good example of why she is so great, and the recipe works like a dream for home cooks. An oat bar base is topped with a mix of nuts and seeds bound together by a honey caramel sauce. The recipe can easily be made vegan by subbing the butter for Earth Balance (something she does regularly) and the honey for golden syrup. Makes a whole bunch, so be prepared to share with friends or strangers. The nut/seed mix can be adjusted to taste as long as the weight stays about the same—though this combo is pretty perfect (“because aesthetics” says Taylor)
Loba Pastry + Coffee is located at 3422 N Lincoln Avenue in Chicago.
Pepita Crunch Bar by Val Taylor of Loba Pastry + Coffee
Oat Base:
250g all purpose flour
200g old-fashioned rolled oats
5g baking powder
200g Earth Balance baking stick (If using dairy butter bump it to 220g)
225g light brown sugar
2g of salt
Caramelized nut topping:
125g roasted and unsalted peanuts (no skins)
50g slivered or sliced almonds
25g black sesame seeds
75g sugar
40g honey (use golden syrup if making these vegan)
3g salt
3 tablespoons water
100g Earth Balance (or equal amount of dairy butter)
Preheat oven to 375F. Line a quarter sheet pan with parchment paper and set aside.
To make the oat base:
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, oats, and baking powder. Set aside.
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter, sugar, and salt together until light and fluffy, stopping occasionally to scrape the sides and bottom of bowl. Add the dry ingredients in three additions and mix until fully combined and dry ingredients are no longer visible. Dump dough out into prepared pan and use your hands to flatten it into an even layer.
Bake for 14-17 minutes, or until light golden brown. Allow to cool while you make the caramelized topping. (oat base can be made a day in advance)
To make the caramelized nut topping:
Combine the nuts and seeds in a small bowl and set next to your stove.
In a small saucepan combine the sugar, honey, salt, and water and cook over medium-high heat until a golden sunset tone–kind of a medium amber. Turn down heat to lowest setting and whisk in the butter, a couple of tablespoons at a time, until you have a smooth caramel. Immediately add the nuts and seeds and stir to coat. Working quickly, pour the caramelized nut topping over the oat base and use an offset spatula to spread it into an even layer. The topping will get more difficult to spread as it cools, but don’t sweat it because you’ll get another chance….
Return the pan to the oven for 7-10 minutes, which will help bond the topping to the base. When you remove the pan from the oven, you can now spread out any of the caramelized nut topping that had clumped up. The warmth of the oven will have loosened things up.
Allow to cool to room temperature before cutting into bars.
Source: http://www.lottieanddoof.com/2018/04/loba-pastry-coffee/
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Loba Pastry + Coffee
There were never any chairs at Bad Wolf Coffee, a beloved Chicago coffee shop known for its stellar pastries. You don’t think much about chairs until they aren’t there. There was a table customers could stand at, but the message was clear—don’t linger. When Val Taylor, a former Bad Wolf employee and supertalented pastry chef, took over the space a couple of years ago, one of the first things she did was add chairs. It was a small correction that significantly changed both the way the space worked and felt. Taylor also changed the name to Loba, Spanish for wolf, or more specifically she-wolf. The name is perfect.
Taylor moved to the states from Guadalajara when she was a teenager. Raised by women who cared about food and cooking, she gravitated toward it too, though she didn’t imagine pursuing it professionally. By the time she made her way to Chicago in her early 20’s, she found herself working a job she didn’t care about and searching the want ads for other opportunities. She saw that a restaurant called Blackbird was searching for a pastry assistant. Despite not having experience, or even a sense of what Blackbird was (one of the greatest fine dining rooms in the city) she talked her way into the job and under the wing of the pastry crew headed by Patrick Fahy. She liked the work, learned quickly, and before long she was confident that that was what she wanted to do. That initial training lead to a bunch of other experiences in impressive kitchens in Chicago and New York. Often staging for experience in between paid kitchen gigs. She had a lot of energy and was eager to learn everything she could.
But like many people who spend much time in the industry, Taylor gradually found herself feeling exhausted by the work and uncertain about her future. It seemed hard to imagine maintaining the fine dining restaurant grind—the hours, the repetition, the creative restrictions. She took a job working in an office in the suburbs because it seemed to make practical sense, but it quickly made her miserable. She laughs now remembering how often she would try to cheer herself up with a trip to Margie’s Candies after work, “Eventually they didn’t even need to ask for my order.” She’d found herself back where she started, working a job she wasn’t invested in and thinking about food.
Taylor had heard from friends about a coffee shop in Lakeview that was making great pastries. She woke up early one morning on a day off and decided to give it a try. She was existential crisis-ing and spent the walk contemplating her future. She knew when she entered Bad Wolf that is was something special and told the owner, Jonathan Ory, that she wanted to work there. He didn’t need an employee at the time, but somehow Taylor charmed (bullied?) her way into the kitchen, and found herself baking there in her free time.
When Bad Wolf closed (Ory moved out of state) it was resurrected and reinvented by Taylor (and partner Coyote DeGroot) as Loba, the name inspired by a story about an alpha female wolf in Yellowstone known for her dominance. It was Taylor’s opportunity to make the space her own. The name change brought with it those chairs, wifi, and smiles—a kinder, gentler, wolf, in some ways. In others, it was much more fierce—its potential realized. The physical space became more intentional, weirder, goth-ier (?). A collection of clocks on the wall tell us the time in Winnipeg, Chicago, Veracruz, and Belize, randomly (Taylor can’t explain it either). There is a possibly ironic shrine to Steve Dolinsky, famous headshot-wielding Chicago restaurant critic/shill; and a collection of miniature plastic body parts surrounding the tip jar. In a sense, the space became itself, or herself. It also features Taylor, a compelling character, and her small staff who spend the mornings greeting and chatting with regulars. It’s fun to get Taylor talking about her food, the excitement is contagious. She always humors me when I bombard her with questions about how something is made. Most mornings you’ll find her running up the stairs to check on something in her shoebox of a kitchen between pours of coffee and conversation.
And that kitchen is the most important change, the pastry game became smart and adventurous, and for me, some of the most exciting stuff in Chicago. It really howls. Taylor often draws on flavors and forms from her native Mexico. She makes a remarkable Tres Leches cake using sourdough, cajeta caneles, and a mole croissant (although, philosophically, she’d like everyone to get over their obsession with “fucking croissants”). But there are other influences, a matcha cheese danish, a violet-glazed buckwheat cake, a ham and cheese kouign-amann (vestiges of her fine dining days?). She’s as likely to make something vegan or gluten free as she is not. A Pineapple and Sourdough muffin I recently ordered was both it turned out, but I would’ve been sure it was mostly wheat and butter. Her decisions to include or exclude seem determined by outcomes rather than diet concerns. She also plays with sweetness, pushing into savory territory at times.
On a recent visit I asked Taylor about why the shop hasn’t gotten more press—I remain confused by how under the radar it has flown, despite my own excitement and proselytizing. I hypothesized that it is partially a pastry problem, historically the most neglected part of kitchens, which of course is wrapped up in gender problems—they’re often staffed by females. She didn’t disagree, but she also suggested it was partially her fault. She admits to being bad at seeking out press and also, “I’m a punk. I’m too unpredictable.” She explained that what has happened in the past is that something she made would get press, a chocolate cardamom muffin, let’s say, and then customers would show up wanting to try one, but it wasn’t there. Usually because Taylor got tired of making it and moved on to other things.
This becomes part of the deal you strike as a regular at Loba, it’s unpredictable. You might find something you truly love, and you may never see it again. You gotta trust in Taylor—trust that the thing you love will be replaced by something equally delicious. It leads to another kind of regular, the kind of regular who is game for whatever. A devotee. It keeps things interesting for Taylor, she’s operating on her own terms and every day can be an adventure. Her years in kitchens taught her a lot about what she needs to sustain this work for herself and she is not going to get stuck making the same thing every day. She has found creative freedom (and better hours) at Loba, and we all benefit.
One of the few things that show up regularly in the Loba pastry case is Taylor’s Pepita Crunch Bar, inspired by florentine cookies and palanquetas de cacahuate. It is a good example of why she is so great, and the recipe works like a dream for home cooks. An oat bar base is topped with a mix of nuts and seeds bound together by a honey caramel sauce. The recipe can easily be made vegan by subbing the butter for Earth Balance (something she does regularly) and the honey for golden syrup. Makes a whole bunch, so be prepared to share with friends or strangers. The nut/seed mix can be adjusted to taste as long as the weight stays about the same—though this combo is pretty perfect (“because aesthetics” says Taylor)
Loba Pastry + Coffee is located at 3422 N Lincoln Avenue in Chicago.
Pepita Crunch Bar by Val Taylor of Loba Pastry + Coffee
Oat Base:
250g all purpose flour
200g old-fashioned rolled oats
5g baking powder
200g Earth Balance baking stick (If using dairy butter bump it to 220g)
225g light brown sugar
2g of salt
Caramelized nut topping:
125g roasted and unsalted peanuts (no skins)
50g slivered or sliced almonds
25g black sesame seeds
75g sugar
40g honey (use golden syrup if making these vegan)
3g salt
3 tablespoons water
100g Earth Balance (or equal amount of dairy butter)
Preheat oven to 375F. Line a quarter sheet pan with parchment paper and set aside.
To make the oat base:
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, oats, and baking powder. Set aside.
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter, sugar, and salt together until light and fluffy, stopping occasionally to scrape the sides and bottom of bowl. Add the dry ingredients in three additions and mix until fully combined and dry ingredients are no longer visible. Dump dough out into prepared pan and use your hands to flatten it into an even layer.
Bake for 14-17 minutes, or until light golden brown. Allow to cool while you make the caramelized topping. (oat base can be made a day in advance)
To make the caramelized nut topping:
Combine the nuts and seeds in a small bowl and set next to your stove.
In a small saucepan combine the sugar, honey, salt, and water and cook over medium-high heat until a golden sunset tone–kind of a medium amber. Turn down heat to lowest setting and whisk in the butter, a couple of tablespoons at a time, until you have a smooth caramel. Immediately add the nuts and seeds and stir to coat. Working quickly, pour the caramelized nut topping over the oat base and use an offset spatula to spread it into an even layer. The topping will get more difficult to spread as it cools, but don’t sweat it because you’ll get another chance….
Return the pan to the oven for 7-10 minutes, which will help bond the topping to the base. When you remove the pan from the oven, you can now spread out any of the caramelized nut topping that had clumped up. The warmth of the oven will have loosened things up.
Allow to cool to room temperature before cutting into bars.
Source: http://www.lottieanddoof.com/2018/04/loba-pastry-coffee/
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Swipe Right for Awkwardness (FFXV FANFIC) - Ch 1
It's been a long day for Noctis Caelum. He's serious about finishing his education and getting a degree, but he just can't deal with all those long, boring lectures given in consistently monotnous tones by disintersted, bespectacled professors. Aside from that, he has to deal with other students constantly trying to "befriend" him even though they're more interested in his status and money rather than actually getting to know him. Well, except one. "Hey, Noct!" A friendly voice belonging to a handsome, blond, freckled boy with an eccentric hairstyle resembling a chocobo's behind calls out to him. The sight of him brings a smile to Noct's lips. "C'mon, let's get out of here! It's time for our date!" Noctis mouths a quick "sorry" to the group of girls surrounding him as he's pulled away by Prompto Argentum, his best friend and the guy fangirls keep pairing him with like some wishful yaoi OTP. It's not like he minds though, since Prompto's been the only person who sees him as him and not as some privileged rich kid. He feels comfortable with Prompto and their friendship has only grown and deepened since they first met in high school. "Thanks for getting me out of there. You're the best, Prom." Noct says with a grateful sigh. "Couldn't just stand and watch you get mobbed. Last time that happened, I think you almost died!" "Yeah...almost." "Anyway, let's go grab something to eat. We're on a date after all!" "Oh, are we now?" Noctis rolls his eyes and laughs. It's not the first time he and Prompto's gone out on a "date" and he thought nothing more of it than his best friend's way of saying "hey, let's hang out." In all honesty, he thought it was endearing. Prompto never had any real friends either growing up, just like him, and when they first met, they clung to each other through thick and thin. Noctis was just hoping they wouldn't end up drunk and shamelessly displaying their questionable singing abilities on the streets of Insomnia like last time. "Wait, where are you taking me, Prom? Please don't tell me it's another one of those seedy bars you found on Moogle or that overpriced cafe by the station." Noctis groans. "Even better!" Prompto seemed to be very excited, worrying Noctis. His friend had a penchant for finding establishments of debatable quality. "We're almost there!" As Noctis began thinking of possible ways to get him and Prompto out fast if they end up being maligned by some punks in some backstreet pub, Prompto stops and practically squeals. "Isn't it beautiful?!" Noct looks around. They're on the promenade with great views of the ocean. The sun has begun to set and the sky's turning a fiery orange. Noctis thinks, "This isn't too bad. Open skies, a nice breeze, great view, and -" "CUP NOODLE TRUCK!" Prompto's excitied exclamation breaks Noctis' train of thought. "Wait, what?" Noctis is helpless as Prompto drags him to the vehicle reeking of the aroma of seafood, beef, and steam. "This is your idea of a date? That's it, I'm breaking up with you." "Aww, c'mon Noct..." Prompto gives him the most adorable pout ever and Noctis caves in. He has a weakness for cute faces, and Prompto makes the cutest ones. It's unfair. They order two steaming cups and take their places on the edge of a pier. It's a quiet day on the shore and they have the whole pier to themselves. Prompto's busily slurping on his noodles while Noctis takes his time picking out the little bits of vegetables on his. "Hey Prom, this is nice for a change." "What do you mean for a change?!" Prompto looks hurt. "I mean, it's nice not to be drunk for once." Noctis chuckles. "It's just you, me, and...cup noodles." Prompto leans on Noctis. "Romantic, isn't it?" Noctis wraps his arm around his best friend's shoulders. "I guess. We do make a pretty good couple." They sit there quietly watching the sunset as Noctis contemplates on what he just said. He can't deny that he and Prompto could get really intimate at times and it felt natural. Hell, it made him feel good and warm inside. He can't quite explain it, but when Prompto's around, he feels complete and happy. If only he had the courage to tell him he might have a small crush on him, but he pushes the idea to the side. After all, Prompto might not even be interested in him that way. "Hey, Noct. Watcha thinking?" "Huh?" Noctis mind returns to reality and sees Prompto looking at him. "Oh, nothing. I'm just enjoying this thing we're doing." "Same, dude. Never thought I'd actually have a friend like you." "That makes two of us." The sun finally takes its leave for the day, leaving the two illuminated by a dim light from an overhead lightpost. Noctis pokes Prompto, who looks like he's just about to give in to the creeping feeling of sleepiness. "Hey, we better get back. The sun's already down." Prompto groans. "Do we have to? You're like the most comfortable pillow ever." "C'mon" Noctis laughs and playfuly punches Prompto. "I'm not sleeping on the pier tonight, but you're welcome to do that." Noctis pulls Prompto up and they start walking back to the apartment they shared. It was a big, fancy loft occupying the top floors of a nice residential building Regis Caelum - Noctis' dad and the ever-busy president of Lucis Industries - got for him for his 18th birthday. The two boys kick their shoes off in the entryway and Noctis immediately heads for the wide, comfy couch in the living room. Most of the time, he ends up sleeping here even though his room was right up the flight of stairs because he was too lazy to drag himself up. Prompto, on the other hand, either slept in his room or on the floor when he got drunk. Noctis whips out his phone and checks his messages. Nothing much to see except some texts from his dad and Ignis that shared the same topics. Cleaning, laundry, and school. He sighs and locks his phone. Moments later, there's a notification "Hey. Looks like ur close. Wanna do something naughty 2night? ;)" Noctis glances at the stairs before opening the message. It's from a guy on a dating app he uses when he gets...lonely. Hands just don't really work anymore after a few days, so hooks up every now and then with a cute dude. Normally, he does the swiping, but this guy beat him to it. Noctis opens the guy's profile and checks the info. The profile pic is headless, but the slim, lean body that greets him makes his cock stir. It's completely smooth, except for a thin line of blond pubes leading to a significsnt bulge hiding behind a towel. "Maybe. What's under the towel?" The guy replies quickly. "Nothing much." Seconds later, it's followed by a pic of a gorgeous, curved cock. It's been way too long since he's had one of those and he bites his lip. "Can't wait to ride it." Noctis sends a pic of his own gorgeous dick and gets a reply almost immediately. "Damn. Tell u what. I'll ride u if u ride me. Deal?" "Deal. Meet up at the old motel at Ulrich and 12th?" "Cool. How much we splitting?" "I got it. Just show up. Txt u the room number when I get in." "Right. Cya. Will wait for ur txt." Noctis sighs happily and heads to his room to change into something a bit more comfortable. He knocks on Prompto's door and lets him know he's going out. "Hey, Prom. I'm heading out for a bit. Don't wait up for me." The door opens slightly and Prompto's face peeks out from behind. He has a wide grin on his face. "You look happy..." "Got a date. Just waiting for hi - erm - her to reply. Yeah!" Noct raises his eyebrow and laughs. "Did you just tell me you're cheating on me? Haha. Fine. Don't get her pregnant, aryt?" "Hey! It's nothing like that!" "Whatever. Enjoy yourself." Noctis waves at Prompto and leaves for the motel. It's not much to look at from outside, effectively masking its true purpose as a pace where trysts of every kind happen. Noctis opts for just a regular, air-conditioned room though he had choices of themed suites. One of them was a chocobo-themed one and he remembered Prompto. The idea of fucking his best friend suddenly infiltrates his mind and he ends up stiff and wanting. He wasn't opposed to the idea and it's not the first time he's imagined him and Prompto naked and fooling around in bed. "Hey. Still there?" "Yeah. U in already?" "Room 702. Just head on up. Lights out and no talking, ok?" "Y, u scared? Lol." "Nah. I just like it dark. Just slip into bed with me when u get here." "Fine. Be there in 10 mins." Noctis throws off his clothes and settles in under the thin blanket. The AC was doing a damn good job of keeping the room cold, but he won't be cold for long. Just like the guy said, he shows up 10 minutes later. Noct could hear the door open and close followed by the sound of clothes being dropped to the floor. The spot next to him gets warmer as the guy slides in next to him. They lie there awkwardly for a good five minutes before Noctis feels the guy squeezing his thigh gently. "Theres no turning back now..." Noctis thinks to himself before turning towards the guy beside him, feeling him up, and engaging the guy's tongue in a wet, noisy battle with his own.
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