#so most of my readings are academic based but im loving it so much it feels as refreshing as story books
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RECOMMENDED SEVENTEEN FICS OF JULY 2023💖
hello, hello! here are my recs for seventeen for july! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝
** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **
🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite
Admire Me (Like I Do For You) || @wheeboo💕✅
↳ in which seungcheol shows you his tattoos.
Dimple || @icyminghao💕✅
↳ you can’t sleep, so you try touching seungcheol’s dimple just for the fun of it (spoiler: he loves it)
Shave || @yikesmary💕✅💯
↳ with your boyfriend’s comeback approaching, mingyu asks you to help with shaving.
The Stars And You || @wheeboo💕✅
↳ in which you bring the stars to your boyfriend for his birthday. (to this author, i am so sorry, but 90% of the fics that i have read from you so far, most of them are on this list. keep doing what youre doing please. i love them)
Try Me || @cheolhub🔞✅
↳ you push your sweet boyfriend a little too far when you threaten to fuck his business partner at dinner. he decides to show both you and mingyu who you belong to. (oh lord, heaven have mercy.)
Ukiyo || @wheeboo💕💔✅
↳ in which you and minghao spend the day together.
Wonwoo's Tasty Cereal (And Milk) || @twogyuu💕✅
↳ You've been eating cereal wrong your entire life. Wonwoo and your niece are going to fix that.
Fake Dating Roommates || @yikesmary💕🔄💯💯
↳ in which choi seungcheol becomes your roommate and fake boyfriend in one fell swoop. and you still don't know how it happened.
Seventeen As Fake Dating Scenarios || @bluehoodiewoozi💕✅
↳ (title says it all and i am out here fulfilling my delulu side of my brain. doing great out here im telling you)
Baby, All I Really Want Is Your Attention || @viastro💕✅
↳ you and mingyu have been academic rivals since the beginning of your high school career. having always aimed for the #1 spot, mingyu would beat you without even needing to study. now dedicating all your time into studying at the local library, you find yourself wondering who keeps neatly packing your things and waking you up each time you fall asleep while studying. (hes so soft, i cant)
Catnaps || @wheeboo💕✅
↳ in which you volunteer at the local cat shelter with your crush.
Dating Seventeen (Hyung Line) || @wqnwoos💕✅
↳ (out here filling my delulu brain. also seungcheol does radiate sugar daddy tho, ngl)
Fix You || @smileysuh🔞💕💔✅💯💯
↳ “As a member of 53V3NT33N, I have two different states of mind coded into me, aggression and admiration. To love something, to admire it, is to feel aggressive when it’s questioned, to want to control it, if even for a little while- it’s the need to consume it, endlessly, as my fans consume and control me as an automaton. Even though I’m a member of a group, there’s a distance. Automatons can never truly motivate each other because our motivations are based on external human needs, it’s built into us- We can see when humans need us, and we do what we can to fix that need… I know you need me, the way I’ve needed you since I got here.” (god, yall dont even know how much i freaking love their fics. like bro, ily)
Gamers Do it Better || @sluttyminghao🔞✅💯
↳ (listen, just hear me out. tag teamed by the two lord saviors of svt's hhu. i really need like a threesome au/tag or something i swear.)
Hits Different || @hellohannie💕💔✅
↳ it was no secret that you had dated many people in your past. when you were with them, you believed you loved them and they loved you. when you broke up, you realized that they didn't truly love you. but you still believed that love was real. then, you met lee chan. when he broke up with you, you started to question if love truly did exist after all. (i need me some more dino fics cause i barely come across any)
Loving Him Was Red || @boowanie💕💔✅💯
↳ After the café you were part-timing at suddenly closes, you were left unemployed and broke as you tried your best to look for a new job. But when your best friend suggests an alternative way of earning money, you suddenly find yourself falling for a certain Jeon Wonwoo.
Pup Code || @beefboyandbabygirl🔞💕✅💯💯💯
↳ mingyu doesn't have crushes. he likes avril lavigne and sometimes he fucks pretty girls. but you seem to stir something in him that no one else can. without the trusty girl code, mingyu makes his own code to help you fall in love with him. (yall need to read this one. like read it cause i lowkey can imagine him making up his own code ngl. man has no self control sometimes)
Crossing Boundaries || @wonusite🔞💕✅
↳ Seungcheol has always demanded that all of his employees keep professional boundaries, but it frustrates him that his son’s nanny is a little too good at keeping things professional.
Happy (First) Fathers' Day || @icyminghao💕✅
↳ it’s fathers’ day, but you seem to be more fixated on an event for your newborn daughter, much to mingyu’s dismay.
Made With Love || @icyminghao💕✅
↳ joshua wakes up to quite the commotion, and you’re not by his side.
The Cake In the Back || @toruro🔞💕✅
↳ cheol is a regular at your bakery, and it's all because his son loves the banana bread you make—at least that's what he tells himself. it also doesn't hurt that you're cute. and polite. and totally someone he'd like to fuck.
Roommates With Benefits || @shuaflix🔞💕✅
↳ initially, wonwoo doesn’t think much about your incessant requests to play on his xbox. however, when what was supposed to be a two-hour visit to his place stretches out for two weeks, he starts to think you’re overstaying your welcome.
The Secrets Kept From Roommates || @cheolism🔞💕✅
↳ you are hiding a secret from mingyu. little do you know that he's hiding one from you too.
Broken Pieces || @bluehoodiewoozi💕💔✅💯💯💯
↳ Your friend broke your soulmate's heart, leaving you to pick up the pieces of both his and your own heart. (stop my heart, i cant)
Right? Right. || @bluehoodiewoozi💕💔✅
↳ Your soulmate mark might be broken, but at least he will always be there for you.
Do check out all of the other seventeen fics that i have reblogged as well!!
** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **
#seventeen scenarios#seventeen soulmates au#seventeen established relationship au#seventeen fluff#seventeen angst#seventeen smut#seventeen roommates au#seventeen dad au#seventeen fake dating au#seventeen fic rcs#seventeen recs#svt fic recs#svt recs
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the time is tough, I need some Oppie x student!reader fluff!!! Something like the one of the exam🥹🥹 I don’t have any specific request, surprise me🫶🏼
Sorry to everybody else who has sent in requests, I’ll try to get to them soon but everything is a bit manic at the moment. In the meantime, I hope that this will tide you over, especially the Oppie lovers out there. This idea just came out of nowhere, so fingers crossed it was what you were thinking of! 🩷
As always requests are still welcome, im just not working at the speed of lighting at the moment!
It’s All French To Me
As always, based on a very fictional portrayal by Cillian Murphy.
Warnings: alcohol consumption, Oppie smoking as usual, a spot of academic stress.
Usually the first person that you would turn to when you had a problem was Robert. He was always ready and happy to help, in fact he almost seemed to like the fact that you needed him sometimes, but this was something that you felt like you had to hide. You were struggling to get your work up to the level that you wanted it to be at and if you were honest you were embarrassed to tell him. You were seriously considering dropping the course, having said as much to your professor who supported you as you were studying French with him and the body of your degree was politics and philosophy. Your professor was Robert’s best friend though, and you didn’t know how he would react if you told him you were pulling out. Robert seemed to be a genius about anything that anybody ever brought up, he had never had your problems and you didn’t want him to think any less of you because of it. You had spoken to some friends who were having similar problems, but exams were approaching and despite the improvements that a lot of them were seeing in their grades, you had not been so lucky.
~
It wasn’t unusual for a Chevalier to ask Robert to meet with him, the pair were best friends after all, it was just usually at a local bar rather than in the formal setting of his office. They had arranged to meet during a gap between their lectures, though Oppie was confused by how illusive his colleague had been when he had asked for a reason. When he got there, knocking on the door gently before letting himself in, Chevalier was sat at his desk with a glass of whiskey, signalling for him to come and join him.
“Hoke, nothing’s wrong is it? If something has happened why do you want to talk about it here, I’d be happy to have you over this evening. Y/n’s staying over tonight, bring Barbara, I’m sure she’d enjoy a bit of female company.” He seemed to be fumbling with his words, which was uncharacteristic, unless he was anxious.
The French professor poured a glass of whiskey for his friend before beginning his explanation, a perplexed yet awkward expression on his face.
“Oppie, I don’t want you to think that I’m criticising y/n, because I’m not, I actually think that you are largely to blame for this one, but she’s struggling in my class. We’ve even had extra time working together outside lectures and she’s a natural linguist, but probably the most inexperienced to ever take a French Literature course at Berkeley.” Robert didn’t really know why he was being spoken to about this, surely this was your own personal problem.
“And why is that my fault?”
“Because you were the one who talked her into taking it, she turned up on the first day telling me that she hadn’t finished the intermediate course at school because her teacher was as good as shit and the school fired him and couldn’t get a replacement in time to do the exams. Did she tell you that?” This was all news to Robert.
“No, but we did have a very illuminating discussion about the Proust that I read in Corsica, so I just presumed that naturally…”
“Robert, she loves you and puts up with all of your quirks and eccentricities, I dare say she was nodding along like I do when you talk about physics. Take it from me, sometimes you can have an entire conversation with yourself in a room full of people and not realise that nobody else has joined in.” He was aware that this was one of his faults, but wasn’t keen on his friend lecturing him on it, swiftly trying to move the conversation on.
“Regardless of what caused the problem, what do you propose to do about it?” He pulled a pack of Chesterfields and a lighter from his jacket at this point, anything that made him think always required a cigarette.
“She came to me last week saying that she wanted to drop the course but couldn’t because she didn’t want you to think that she was stupid, so I’m going to suggest that she pauses the course and you, as you’re fluent, help her get to a standard where she can resume it next year if she can stand the language after being taught by you. God, the holidays are nearly here, take her to France for Christmas, make it seem exciting so she doesn’t think she’s letting you down. She’s a natural as I said, just inexperienced and lacking confidence, so immersion would probably be the best teacher anyway.”
After a bit more conversation on the subject, it was agreed that this would be the best plan, Haakon sending his friend home to try and persuade you around to the idea. Robert walked out of the office with a warning to remember that he had to be convincing about the whole thing being his idea.
~
It had become a bit of a Friday night tradition that Robert would take you out on a date, picking you up from the little room that you rented in a house nearby. It was always lovely hearing the beep of the horn from outside your window, taking one last look at yourself and fixing your lipstick before going down to meet him. He had this sort of old world charm to him, always opening your door for you, helping you in and out of his car, and tonight was no exception. The drive to the restaurant was pleasant, he mentioned a new book that he was reading and you talked about how disastrously your orchestral rehearsal was the other day, trying to plough through Tchaikovsky’s fourth symphony for the first time.
“Well, that’s what you get when you go near Tchaikovsky, it’s bloody awful don’t you think?”
“I don’t hate it as much as you do, but I certainly prefer a bit of Beethoven, the symphonies are nice to study to if you’re ever looking for some background noise.”
“I’ll bear that in mind.”
“I can’t stand the fifth anymore though which is a shame, it’s just overplayed.”
“I agree, at least it isn’t Pachelbel’s Canon, I know how much you string players hate that!” He took his eyes off the road briefly to watch you as you laughed at his last comment. You were always beautiful, just more so when you smiled in such a carefree way.
Robert helped you into your seat when you finally arrived, you were quickly brought menus and ordered, opting for the wine pairing that Oppie had guided you to as usual. He may sometimes drink a little more alcohol than was healthy, but at least he had good taste in the stuff. He was halfway through a steak, telling a story about some ridiculous thing that Chevalier had done at a party when he suddenly came out with the question that you really didn’t want to hear:
“Speaking of Hoke, how are you finding French Literature?” You spent a moment debating on whether to make up a lie, say everything was going swimmingly, but he would find out eventually anyway.
“Actually, it’s not going so well. I love languages, I just don’t really have the kind of grounding that I think I need for this. I’d have said earlier, but I didn’t want you to think badly about me for having second thoughts, especially with Haakon being your friend. He’s not the problem by the way, it’s definitely me.” You waited anxiously for his response as Robert considered his next move, knowing he had a plan to stick to.
“When you say second thoughts, do you mean stopping the course?”
“Well, I was considering stopping for now, teaching myself a little more French and resuming it again next year. Though, I’m not sure they’d have me back after this one.” Brilliant, he thought, you were walking right into his little trap.
“I’m sure that wouldn’t be a problem, your delightful and very persuasive inamorato is friends with the professor after all, which could be used to your advantage.” He saw you cringing as his mention of special treatment, which you were always desperate to avoid, and quickly moved on to save himself. “How about you do what you were thinking of, we’ll speak to Hoke together next week and make sure that you’ll have a place next year. In the meantime I can help if you’d like, I’m fluent, not as good as Chevalier but passable.”
“Would you? That would be really helpful.”
“Of course. I love you, why would I not want to help. It’s not like you’re stupid, just inexperienced. Hoke says your a natural, just need a bit more practice.” You were flushing a bit at his praise, you always did when he suggested that he viewed you as a fellow intellectual. His attitudes towards those in his circle that he didn’t weren’t always pleasant, so it meant a lot coming from him.
“There was one other thing. I was wondering if you might want to come and spend the Christmas holidays in France with me, immerse yourself in a bit of the culture. It’s the best way to get fluent that I’ve found.”
“You want to go abroad together, for winter break?”
“If you’re comfortable with it, yes.”
“I’d love to.” He reached for your hand across the table, taking it in his to press a gentle kiss to the back of it.
One conversation with Oppie and, just like that, all of your worries were gone.
#oppenheimer#1950s#american prometheus#cillian murphy#cillian murphy x reader#oppenheimer x reader#peaky blinders#tommy shelby#christopher nolan#j robert oppenheimer x reader#j robert oppenheimer#french#fanfic#request
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in lieu of packing
11pm, saturday, july 15, 2023
the things i could be doing right now could fill multiple volumes, but i listened to a podcast today about academic (im)perfectionism and am deciding i don't need to feel guilty. this summer's Big European Travel starts tomorrow and I! am! nervois! but i've done some smaller trips recently which helped me work up to this in a way. further media and life musings below the cut.
reading i had a few weeks there where my recreational reading was... a little bleak, in that i was reading things that felt dated and/or formulaic and/or just put me straight to sleep, thereby meaning that i took much longer than i normally like to finish anything-- this was enlivened with two excellent new instalments from two different series i love, anne leckie's translation state and samantha shannon's a day of fallen night.
very very fun now thinking of these back to back. two books were so engrossing, built (and built on) such rich worlds, such good command of the vibes/atmosphere/tone they were going for, but so different! to sound like a book reviewer for a moment, leckie's prose is sort of lean where shannon's is lush, something like that. there's a joke in here based on the meme that goes 'sci-fi is where x, fantasy is where y' but i'm too tired to work it out myself. both of these books say-- so there are incomprehensible beings in your world which may wish to eat and/or destroy you, and some people have found ways to work or live with them, but it is very weird and alien to your way of life. day of fallen night feels more like a climate metaphor, and there is plenty that felt pulled straight from the psyche of the years 2020-2023. both do fun/interesting things with gender and relationships, and both made me want to go re-read their respective predecessors to heighten the feeling of connection and resonance with those other works.
watching mostly dimension 20-- i introduced @yogurtforever to fantasy high last week, and I myself have been working my way through the toy island arc of neverafter-- but here is the place to mention watching netflix's new documentary about WHAM!, of all things, with @yogurtforever and @thehibernatinglentil last weekend.
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not being a documentary hound, i never would have watched this without friends, but it was genuinely quite fun! i didn't know a ton about wham! or george michael, which i now realize is a shame because there's a lot to know. making up for it by having the lyrics to their first hit single, the inimitable 'wham rap', stuck in my head for the next 200 years.
listening due in no small part to the wham! doc (and an mama mia 2 rewatch the week before that), i put on a lot of throwback music this week. it ended up being more 70s than 80s, and that got me thinking about how strongly my parents' music taste influenced mine. there are so many good artists from ~back then~ who i have found out about later, because we just didn't listen to them at home? and of the vinyl i remember finding in the basement, you know, it wasn't bowie, it wasn't fleetwood mac, it wasn't springsteen (it was james taylor and paul simon and probably joni mitchell). luckily, summer camp taught me all the lyrics to a bunch of other oldies, and we did listen to the radio oldies station quite a lot, so my education wasn't entirely deficient. i bring this week the don maclean song 'vincent', which i will be thinking a lot about for one reason and another this week.
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playing i have, at long, long last, completed my stardew community center. it was a little anticlimactic, after all the travail that went into it, but i'm so pleased. it only took like two actual human real life years! the last thing i needed was a rabbit's foot, and now at last i feel like i can move to the next tier of game play. i remain unmarried, fighting for my life in skull cavern, but now with two small bunnies to love.
making trying to figure out how to eat most of the food i have in the fridge, how to use up things and make the most of what i have and not leave anything to spoil for the next little while, so i haven't really been cooking big projects. i've been 'making' appointments, got my eyes checked, had coffee with two different profs and chatted with a former student about her med school applications, and that's about it!
working on conference paper, which is both a slideshow (graphic design is my passion, this part is mostly fine) and a draft of what might turn into usable words for the chapter i'm working on. naturally i have built it up into the Biggest Scariest Most Important task, and so am avoiding it and finding it miserable to work on. and i still have time! i had wanted to not work on it on the plane, during my travel week, etc., but there is actually time. there's time. and i keep having small breakthroughs, after 2-5 hours of dicking around, which allow me to believe that there is an end in sight. other things to be worked on, for when i have some 'free' 'time'-- newsletter draft that's so very overdue, multiple students asking for detailed essay feedback and grade breakdowns, emails from students asking for other things, recommendation letter, the next chapter that i'm meant to be finishing this summer. luckily, it's a long plane ride.
#in lieu of a commonplace book#ilcb#weekly roundup#the good thing with writing about two books per post is that i can really easily avoid spoilers; the bad thing is that i can't just yell#about the parts in each one in particular that made me yell!#it's a zoomed-out format and normally i like that#but also: these books were so good
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hihi i have more questions if u would like to answer!!! im so fascinated by this story hehe i want to know moreee. how big is sugar grove? what are some of the locals like? and how important is the telescope to the town—like, is it a major employer for the citizens?
of course!!!! im so glad you are enjoying the world of radio silence YAY YIPPPEEEE!!! sooo much info under the cut :-)
sugar grove is inspired by two real world towns in west virginia: green bank and the titular sugar grove (initially i wanted to name it after green bank, but apparently some famous dnd podcast guys beat me to the chase which is unfortunate. there are only so many locations within the united states radio quiet zone. sigh...) as such, the fictional town is the same size as its real world counterpart! i couldnt find exact numbers for irl sugar grove but green bank is about 8.48 km^2, so i'd reckon about the same. the important part is that it is quite small and surrounded by wilderness on all sides.
the locals are all very strange and for the most part lovable! think twin peaks honestly. all of them have something deeply unusual about them, with the tendency leaning towards paranoid personalities of the conspiracy theorist variety. most people who live in sugar grove moved there because of the restrictions on radio transmission meaning that they live without wifi, cellphones, microwaves, or any other modern tech. this is because some locals believe they have electromagnetic hypersensitivity which causes anything from headaches to itchy skin when interacting with technology (this is largely considered to be pseudoscientific diagnosis). a few people live there for the career opportunities with the telescope. also common are luddite artists looking for inspiration or "academics" (read: conspiracy theorists) working on papers and exposés about aliens, cryptids, atomic threats, and other unbelievable things. i'd tell you about the most recently developed npc, willow stein, but ive been babbling for too long i fear. but the townsfolk are really the heart of the story !!
for quite some time, sugar grove's main industry was actually military! it was initially developed as a secret CIA base during the cold war (about 1949) for ... well, vague and secret nuclear purposes. because the area was already a designated no radio zone, it was chosen as the location for the new largest telescope in 1961. after the cold war, the military uses ceased, though much of the old infastructure still exists. some rumours say they are still in use today, just more undercover than before... that being said, in modern day the telescope is still one of the primary employers! its recruitment and operations have been significantly dying off in recent years, but like any government instituion in a small town, it still has a sizable population employed there. every resident in town has at least one relative who works there, though this is an aging population. very niche reference here, but if you are familiar with the towns of deep river or hamilton in ontario canada, its pretty similar to that--literally everyone in deep river (super tiny town) works at the nuclear research facility and in hamilton (much bigger city) everyone worked at the steel factories about 20 years ago, but now thats shifted to stories of people's uncles or grandfathers and such. that reference is only for the ontario girls i guess LOL.
hope this answered your questions well! i love this freaky town that exists in my mind and i loveeee being inspired by irl conspiracy theories and weird towns. thank you for reading this far and as always if you have radio silence questions send me an ask please!!! (you will make my day)!!!! 📡
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this is regarding the funky writing game!! D && F && H && L && S && T !! :D you don’t have to answer them all but those were the ones i was the most curious abt 🫣 LOVE U MWAH
THANK YOU FOR ASKING AXE IM SO EXCITED TO ANSWER THESE KSDJFKSDF
D - "is there a song or playlist you associate with [insert fic]?"
okay okay I feel like I semi associate wildest dreams by Taylor Swift with infamous together... and that's because I listened to that song on repeat like LITERALLY ON REPEAT while in the car while writing a large portion of infamous together... and like its just such tae vibes so rly any tae fic but especially that one!!
F - "share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it"
“This is the best day of my life. Besides the wedding part. But this.” You gestured to the scenery that lay before you both as Taehyun continued to drive away from the old town.
“This automobile is so old. I’m surprised it could go as fast as it did back there.” Taehyun told you with a laugh.
“Of course it did. You fixed it. The one and only, Kang Taehyun.”
“I’m not ‘the one and only, Kang Taehyun’.”
“You’re my one and only Kang Taehyun.”
“You are so annoying with your pickup lines-”
“But you love them.” You teased.
“But I love them.” He glanced at you with a smile on his face before focusing back on the road.
idk smth about this scene in drive was rly satisfying to write like they're running away together but still flirting with each other and I just thought it was cute <33
H - "how would you describe your style?"
this is a hard one... like idek???? I feel like most of it is just me thinking of these complex settings (which is why I like AUs sm) and then just writing down the words that I think of. tbh idek if my writing is good or not 💀I just try my best ig. and like I've read a lot since I was little so that helps with knowing how to write like... better? idek im making no sense lmaooo
L - "how many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?"
it depends how long the fic sits rotting in my drafts. cause sometimes I write a fic in a day, and then the words just flow together so I do very little edited even I barely proof read 💀 but when its been in my drafts for a while and I've written like the beginning or smth before finishing it, I'll always re-read all of it and then re-write as much as I think is needed so it all makes sense and I can refresh my memory. Infamous together actually took a rly long time. It was originally supposed to be based on like that one halloween thing txt did where they all had spy code names. And Taehyun was "black card" and I was gonna use that as a big thing in the fic. But then I struggled with it for so long, and left it for m o n t h s. and then I finally found a way to finish it. But I actually erased everything I had written before and started completely fresh for that which sometimes happens.
S - "any fandom tropes you can't resist?"
hands down enemies to lover or rivals to lovers with taehyun. like I've written that... 3 times I think? (one of those no longer is published shhhh it was rly bad old writing) academic rivals slays so hard with him, any kind of mafia/secret agent slays as well. honestly I just eat it up every time I LOVE IT SM. also nurse trope. where like one of them is patching up the other sKSKSJDF OH MY GOD ITS SO GOOD THE TENSION CAN BE JUST SDJFSKNDFKSJDFHSKJ or when they're actually dating then its just super cute 😭 OH OH AND ANOTHER ONE IS KINDA WEIRD AND IDK WHY I LIKE IT SO MUCH.... but like. presumed dead?? like when one of them thinks the other is DEAD. but then they're not AND IDK I JUST THINK THE REUNION CAN BE CUTE. but im scared to attempt it and I don't come across it very often on Tumblr but I did a bit on wp.
T - "any fandom tropes you can't stand?"
hmmmm maybe like love triangle- I just rly hate that trope and I hate reading it, I hate writing it, I hate watching it in dramas. like everything. its just d e s p i s e. there are some others that are kinda obvious like unrequited love or smth similar but love triangle takes the cake.
hope these answers satisfied you axe!!! ily mwah!!!
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I’m starting uni in just over 2 weeks too! How are you feeling about it? You probably get that question a lot, I know I do, I usually just say I’m excited but a bit nervous because explaining how I’m really feeling is too much haha. I’d love to hear how your really feeling about it though, I feel like it would be nice to hear someone else’s experience even if it’s just to remind anyone else going that we’re in the same boat :)
HELLO HI thank u for. talking to me, it's really nice to know i'm not alone out here on tumblr/the world :,) NOW get ready for an unnecessarily long + personal answer bc i love to talk 😀👍
ok so i'm in a bit of an interesting position because i took a gap year. sixth form burnt me out academically and emotionally so i knew i had to do something else for a bit to fall back in love with the idea of being student. AND I HAVE!! so like you, im immensely, immensely excited.
one advantage of doing this is that i got to watch my friends and how they got on in first year. i'm feeling quite confident because of how much i observed and learnt, how to avoid making mistakes/what mistakes i'm inevitably going to make. im quite lucky, im comforted by the fact that i already know a few people there bc i deferred, but im also able to make new friends. sorry, this answer is so niche and specific atm ANYWAYS I DIGRESS.
but like you, i'm so nervous. i cannot contain how genuinely terrified i am, the idea that MY WHOLE LIFE AS I KNOW IT is completely changing — im actually gonna shit myself. like this year i really got to a position where i really like myself, i feel on top of the world because i feel like i know myself and how my life looks like, WDYM THATS ALL GOING TO CHANGE. oh, the dread i feel when my parents with drive back home without me. i've really learnt to love so many things abt my pre-uni life as well, i wish i could set up myself up to not have my heart break, but that's inevitable and SCARY.
it's all so close as well, i think about what my life will look like in two/three weeks and i see nothing? in the least fatalistic way. it's both a comfort and a nightmare.
i'm moving from a small town to a big city (such a cliché), so of course i'm like. 🎶JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRLLL, LIVIN IN A LONELYY WORLDD🎶 excited, i feel like my life is expanding outward like a galaxy and that the next three years are a blank canvas for me to do whatever the fuck i want with, be whoever i want to be, study what i LOVE (english lit and film [ofc im doing film, reader in that fresher!ross oneshot is embarrassingly based off me]), take every opportunity that's available to me, do things i otherwise would never be able to do in this town. im so excited to meet new people and to talk (u can tell i like to talk 💀), it's just really nice to know i'm on the border of some of the best memories/most formative years of my life.
but im also grieving this idea of growing up. it will surely pain me to move all my stuff from my childhood bedroom to a new place, to not have my parents' cooking everyday, to come back an adult and be regarded to as an adult. ITS A REAL MIXED BAG. i dunno if any of this helps, im shitting it but i am so so so excited.
last thing i will say that might help anyone reading is that, hey, im a delusional girlie, i started a fanfic account of gods sake, so i tend to fantasise and fictionalise my life, have expectations on what my life or what this milestone should look like. eg. in uni i will find the love of my life and we will be together forever (exaggerated example but an example nonetheless) — im saying this more for me but the answer is to let go of expectations. operate on no plan. organise your academic life sure, but personal life wise, BE FREE! take every situation as it comes and don't give yourself a headache thinking too far ahead. from what i've heard and read, thats a big thing people in their twenties have to deal with, with some people having children, getting married, whilst others are job searching, still in school etc. ive only just turned 19 so that's far away from me atm, but it's just a good thing to remember that everyone's life is different, paced differently, and there's no fix structure anyone needs to follow.
that's about it, let me know your thoughts :,) sorry this was so long 💀 but thank you for asking that because i enjoyed answering 🫶🫶🫶 please know that you are not alone, if u need a friend during uni, theres a you-sized hole in my messages/asks inbox thats all for you.
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hi Nina!!!!
i hope ur February so far has been good! and that u feel better and more happy!
my first ever uni exam season ended! i mean kinda, i passed 2 out 3 of my exams on the first try, i still haven't gotten the results of the third one, but im pretty sure it went... bad, really the questions were awful, like based on the most unimportant (at least that's what i thought) information, but it's okay, i did my best so it's fine :]
im currently on a break which is so fun! i need a bit time when i dont have to live with an academic stress on my shoulders!
i read like 30 min ago all Valentine's specials for hoon,jay, jake and hee and they were so adorable!! thank u for making these! made my Valentine's better! also happy Valentine's day! u deserve all the love and i hope u get it everyday!!
im super excited to see new fics!! also i decided to reread that heeseung series - which as im writing it - name i have on a tip of my tongue oh well and also the babysitter club au cuz it's always been my fav! and it feels a bit silly to always reread but i cant help it
what are u up these days? ^^ take care and ily, tbh can't wait for spring already !!
- yours, beloved anonie ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
i'm reading your last sentence while everything's suddenly covered in snow outside... i'm desperately waiting for spring too 🥲
But hellooo!! I'm doing a lot better, thank you for asking <33 and i'm so glad to hear that you're doing better too.
first of all congratulations 💖💖 you did so well with your exams, i'm so proud of you. My fingers are crossed that the third one went better than expected too, but even if not you still accomplished a lot and you did great. and you deserve this break a lot, i hope you can enjoy it a lot <33
one day late but happy valentine's day to you too!! I spent mine with a heeseung live which is all i could have asked for, i loved it so much 🤧
and thank you for enjoying my stories 🥺💖 please enjoy the series and it's not silly to reread babysitters club, i did that too the other day and it made me so delusional, i was in a hee brainrot for the next few days 💀
i'm not really up to much these days, i'm on a break from uni too and next week i'll go on a little holiday trip with my family! other than that i'm catching up on fanfics rn and i am slowly succeeding 🤩 what about you? Do you have things planned for your break?
I love you too, take care please and enjoy your break, you deserve it!! 💖
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Rewatched Fire island while sewing patches into the inside of the thighs of my work jeans and trying to distract myself from the fact that ill be alone in the house for a month with me and the dogs and i paid special attn to max
So here are some notes about the movie n max thoughts.
:readmore:
So they all met in Williamsburg, keegan and luke were the only ones who knew each other before. We Dont know wht jobs Max,Keegan and Luke have.
Max seems pretty ... Neo-liberal? Noah describes him as "sweet" and "supersmart" but "a little uptight"
The Atwood memoir he's reading is important to note but he's probably the most... Well academically book smart than the rest and i don't think from what we know about his character that he was reading it bc he agrees w her politics or worldview. He is actually the first person we see call into question the fact that noah is kowtowing to norms by maintaining the body he does . "why would you confirm to this community's toxic body standards?" noah as the narrator agrees with him and owns up to being a "class traitor".
"and this why straight people hate us" hints towards max himself buying into the structure of respectability politics but honestly im not reading too much into the line because its often something tht lgbt folks will throw around without actually meaning it.
"its actually a logistical nightmare if you want to fuck on this island,at least if you want to do it indoors,no privacy anywhere"
This plus generally everything else show that Max is a private person,giving a narrative reason why we nvr see him kiss,fawn or fuck anybody onscreen. That doesn't excuse that Max is a part of a long line of characters who are desexualized for being Fat,Black and/or Gay,in Max's case him being all three is pretty rare in film or tv but its not rare for characters that are like him to not get fleshed out narratively.
"have you heard of ticks? How bout their best friends? Lyme disease" is why he doesn't wanna fuck outdoors so we know hes prudent
"oh my god i think i saw a tick in my room"
He is technically the reason that Noah's phone ends up in the pool bc he does come running out of the house and bumping into him. But i do like the fact that Noah trying to convince everyone to look on the bright side means he doesnt seem angry or even resentful of Max?
"itll give you the chance to unplug from social media" Max trying to look on the bright side is pretty sweet considering the others responses are pretty blaming (Luke) or just kind of offering sad looks.
Says a lot that his response to "the island will always be there, " is: "except for the whole climate change thing". Like if something being said and it isnt true he is going to speak up abt it. ( I think there is an issue of the Fat friend in various media being the buttoned up bookish school marm type)
"im not sure this is what the gay liberation front imagined for us" another line of him judging others based on respectability politics
" I texted him but it went to green, maybe hes right although you're more likely to be murdered in your own home" Max being the one to text him when he was off his mind the night before on who-knows-what shows that he's probably the one whos usually rallying the troops n making sur everyone got home safe. (Esp considering the fact tht he usually doesnt partake in the drugs that the rest of the guys do)
Once again cant help dropping tidbits, trying to reassure the others and himself that howie probably wasnt murdered statistically speaking.
"Calm down Bernie Sanders i love the pantry small businesses are the lifeblood of this country " probably the most neo-lib weve heard him get but he doesn't object to luke n keegan stealing so like , he's prob more left leaning than his lines indicate
"we have to go direct sunlight...raw chicken..."
Good to know that someone is paying attention to food safety
"i didnt prepare for an extra person so ..." And hes annoyed about dex being invited over?
"not you two salivating over a basic white guy again "
Love Max as the voice of a pragmatic audience member
A random note but luke is shown in the bg of the getting ready scene gesturing to Noah to see how he should take the G..... And uhh he disregards noah gesturing differently. So that explains a lil that they planted the seed of Luke getting beyond fucked up
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[ID: screenshot of @kittokatsu saying: I would like to hear about the other coincidences if you wish to share!]
I’m gonna stick these under a readmore I think just cos while Im happy to share I’d prefer that people don’t rebl it!
This is a long game, but over the years I’ve cobbled together a career largely in public history. It’s not a field I expected to be in, it’s not one I have ANY academic background in (I went to art school that had like…Baby High School-Level humanities classes I…REALLY do not have a rigorous academic background at all), but I stumbled into it by being a passionate nerd I guess.
In 2014 I had been a year out of school and was anxiously wallowing through my options as far as what I was doing with my life. But also was working on The Whaling Comic (though a much different iteration than what I’m drawing now). I went to a historic house museum (that has nothing to do with whaling but the time period was right) to get interior reference pictures for said whaling comic. Fell in love with said house. Volunteered there once a week. Even though I was tremendously shy from the ages of 12-22 I suddenly realized that I wasn’t when I was talking to people about history. My relationship with that house later launched my career in working in various historical spaces and at various museums, and that work equipped me with an understanding I didn’t have from my prior educational background about how to find out about plain old everyday people from the past. I learned what resources and records I had access to, how to read them properly, how to navigate federal and state census and cross reference them with ward maps and fire insurance maps to find old addresses in the past when enumerators didn’t initially list them and when the streets and house numbers changed over the decades. I learned what city directories were, how to use those, all this stuff. These are the things I ultimately used to find out about William’s life based off the pieces of personal info in his journal (I knew he was a New Yorker, that’s it. Everything else came from my own research)
While reading his journal I knew, historically, what he was talking about in ways I wouldn’t have prior to my obtaining this background in my city’s history. I knew the developmental history of the specific neighborhood he lived in without needing further background. And the eeriest thing was when I was looking through city directories to see other potential addresses the fam may have lived at, I found his father by chance…running his physician’s practice DIRECTLY across the street from the historic house where I got my start in this all in 2014, and the family lived very nearby to that house. His father was a contemporary of the patriarch of said house. I went to that house cos of whaling reference pictures, fell into public history through it, used what I learned through osmosis in that work to find out about a specific whaler 8 years later, and was led directly back to the beginning of that circle. So that’s what made me feel like I was…meant to find this journal. First coincidence.
So…I write a little blog post about the parts of his journal I found most interesting in December. I leave off a copy of the book he said he wanted to read and didn‘t get the chance to at the family plot. And I think that, with that, I’ve told his story. I’m all done, and that’s as much of a closure as either of us is gonna get.
Then 2 1/2 months later, mid March, I am suddenly seized with the need to transcribe the entire journal. I hadn’t thought I was gonna engage with it like that again but I just…suddenly felt like I needed to, and that I needed to do it soon. So I transcribe the thing in three days. And having spent so much close time with it, when I get to the end I feel like the timing of his death doesn’t make sense to me anymore. His last journal entry is on Feb 17th. The captain says he dies suddenly ‘about April 13’, the ‘about‘ telling me that this is recorded sometime after the fact. The ship goes into port in Talcahuano from Feb 22nd to March 9th. And I just feel like, after reading what he wrote through the whole journal, there is NO way William would have nothing to say in the weeks that followed about being in a port for the first time in 6 months, in a new country and continent, when earlier he was writing journal entries about just like ‘saw a bird today…got rained on today’. Him not writing anything about things that were frankly probably among the most exciting parts of his voyage so far for two whole months seems highly uncharacteristic.
At the back of his journal he had drawn a calendar since the voyage began, and had mapped it out to the beginning of July, 1857. Every single day, regardless of if he wrote a journal entry or not, he consistently made a visual mark over the day as it passed. When those visual marks stop, it’s on March 12th. Which again seems strange for him to suddenly stop marking those days when he didnt miss a single one before. And then when I counted back MY days to when I had this immediate compulsion to transcribe his whole journal and resolved to do it, it was on March 13th. My suspicion that his death happened around that day came AFTER my resolution to transcribe the journal. So that’s the second coincidence that spooked me a bit. There’s no way to say for sure, and my thoughts on his death date are only my thoughts—if I was being less wooey I’d go by the information the captain put down because that’s more concrete. But again it’s a weird intersection of dates.
So now I’m sort of…being very open to anything else that comes my way.
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I’m genuinely very torn between family med/IM and neurosurgery right now. I realize this sounds insane. I’ve made a little pros and cons list for now to help me sort it out.
Disclaimer 1: I know that FM and IM are different, but a lot of the things that appeal to me about them are common to both specialties, so they’re lumped together for this list.
Disclaimer 2: this is based on incomplete information since I’ve only shadowed neurosurgery and have yet to do the elective. Though I shadowed for a stupid long time, it’s still not the same as the elective.
FM/IM PROS
Breadth and variety - get to know every organ system, treat lots of different pathologies
Relationships with patients - I get all kinds of warm and fuzzies from gaining someone’s trust and helping them manage an illness/improve their health/etc.
Much more obvious connection to public health - I feel like my medicine-adjacent interests of sexual violence prevention and health education fit much more neatly with these specialties, and I’d probably run across more opportunities to be involved in public health in these specialties
Community health research - along the same lines as above, these specialties fit better/more easily with community health research, which I love
Mix of primary care and hospital work - I enjoy both settings a lot, so it’d be nice to have a little of both
Better lifestyle? - I think in theory I would have more time outside of work in FM or IM. But I’ve also read that PCPs work an average of 60-70 hours per week, so I’m not convinced of this. And truthfully, I don’t care that much. If I’m in a specialty I like, I will happily work long hours the rest of my life. This one barely made the list.
FM/IM CONS
No surgery - I really love surgery, and I would be really sad to give it up. I know you can do procedural stuff or procedure-heavy subspecialties, but it’s really not the same as surgery, like scrubbing in and spending hours in an OR. Plus, most of the procedure-heavy subspecialties don’t hold a lot of appeal for me, and they would require me giving up the breadth that’s a lot of the appeal of FM/IM in the first place
Potentially having to refer the most interesting stuff to specialists - obviously this is necessary, but I still love a good zebra
The Crushing Weight of the American Healthcare System ™ which falls smack on the shoulders of primary care - it’s really difficult to be constantly kneecapped in your ability to care for patients by insurance companies and a general lack of funding for preventative care
Setting - I think I would greatly prefer to work in an academic setting for the aforementioned access to research as well as the potential for zebras. I feel a little embarrassed admitting this, but I worry I would get bored too easily of the bread and butter stuff. And I’m just not sure I could swing an academic job.
NSGY PROS
Surgery! - Once on gyn surg they let me place a trochar and it was the greatest high of my life. Surgery is just so thrilling to me, even when it’s something I’ve seen dozens of times, even when we’ve been in the OR for 8+ hours. I really love that surgery offers both intellectual and physical challenges; you work on your clinical reasoning alongside a sort of craftsmanship. Plus, I love anatomy (especially neuroanatomy. Yes really.) Surgery is super engaging, stimulating, and rewarding for me.
The brain - the brain is my absolute favorite organ, and I find it endlessly fascinating. I would love to know everything there is to know about the brain, and I can easily see myself studying it forever.
Neuroscience research - related to the above, I love neuroscience research, although truthfully I don’t know if I love it quite as much as community health research, and I’m definitely not as good at it as I am at community health research. Still, I enjoy it a lot, and I would like to be better.
I love the bread and butter - I really think everything in neurosurgery is cool and interesting and I would love to do it. I can see myself satisfied in pretty much any practice setting doing anything neurosurgery.
NSGY CONS
Narrower focus - I would be trading breadth of knowledge for depth, and I worry I would really miss the rest of medicine. This is a big question for me when I take the elective: how much medicine will I get to use in neurosurgery?
Less clear connection to community health research/health education work - I don’t know that it’d be impossible to do this work, but I definitely think my opportunities would be limited, and it would be more difficult to incorporate this into my career.
No primary care - obviously
Please feel free to chime in with any thoughts.
#this is pretty much a diary entry lol#also I didn’t mention length of training because I don’t really care#like I’ll do however many years for whatever specialty I pick#I won’t necessarily enjoy the whole thing but it’s just not a deciding factor for me#anyway I hope you see my dilemma#which is that I like everything#and I can’t pick#I just wanna be one of those old timey doctors that did everything#student#med student#med school#medblr#my content#my text posts#medicine
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I live for oversharing on the internet but deadass everytime I pause and reflect on this past year I'm just mind boggled by how absolutely horrendous it was.
gonna pop this under a read more if you want to know the goings on or if you want to have a break in the onslaught of everyone posting their W's to simply revel in the absolute cringe state of my life. going to even out the W to L ratio for a spell-
like ?? i mean to be fair, its not limited to 2021 or a "cursed year", the past few years have been extremely hard and getting harder- but right out the gate 2021 was just misery. Stuck working two awful jobs, one of which was social media based and exposed me to extreme levels of harassment for months and was given no protections by my employer (arguably even the opposite, we were forbidden from turning off comments) and then my other desk job had my boss suddenly do a personality 180 and go from absolutely lovely to excessively hostile without reason to the point where I had to quit.
so then i was just aimlessly floating for a while, before BOOM getting hit with rejection after rejection from grad schools, including both my dream schools in a manner that was exceptionally cold.
AND THEN- things at home popped the fuck off, and i dont want to get into too much detail publicly but we dealt with downright haunting situations involving comorbid substance abuse, borderline, and schizophrenia that again, without getting into details- was the most traumatic period i've had in my life (AND LADS i'm a CSA survivor; shit was fucked up. shit fucked me up.)
AND THEN- my ED spiralled out of control ?? to the point where a bitch got scurvy ?? ? ? in 2021 ??? followed by a cancer scare ??? AND THEN i had to move away from home, abandoning Wiggins, Tudball, and everyone who's ever given a rat's ass about me to cali in august during a 119 degree heatwave.
AND THEN the place i moved for had an atrociously hostile work environment, 80+ hour work weeks, insulting and belittling department heads that bullied at least one student out of the program already as working conditions caused my health to decline so bad I couldnt lift drinking cups. For the past 3-4 months we've had problem sets that would take 15+ hours to complete due every 48 hours every single week, on top of teaching our own classes and getting research started....while living alone for the first time and dealing with all the depression that comes with that. my BMP increased by 20 beats since october from stress.
AND THEN- i got hit with academic probation on my first quarter of grad school. now you might think "well gee those working conditions you listed above sound awful, i'm sure others were in the same boat" NO SIR- im pretty sure im one of only 2 students that were placed on probation...like cha boy went from being top of their class with a 3.99 GPA to being potentially the worst student in the cohort and a sub-3.0 GPA in grad school. girlboss behavior.
A N D T H E N- when i came home for the holidays i discovered that e v e r y s i n g l e c o s t u m e I have made in my career except for the two i took with me had been destroyed, thrown away, or damaged beyond repair while i was gone. like i can't even emphasize to all how fucked up this is hitting me. hypnos is destroyed. lif is SUPER destroyed. Joker, akechi, and aigis had most of their parts thrown away; just to name a few specifically. all of this was news to me and i only discovered it when checking on them to see what i could bring back with me. through the screen i am grabbing you by the shoulders to emphasize that every single godddamn cosplay i have made in my life save for robin and nekomancer have been made completely unwearable. this happened yesterday and i still havent even processed it tbh its just 👁👄👁
and on top of it all, like a goddamn insult cherry on an injury sundae, i watched many of my good friends get engaged or form loving happy relationships while cha boy will likely become a 25 yr old virgin soon bc i continue to struggle to develop relationships/no one irl is interested, my acne is popping tf off, i keep gaining weight for no reason, got a string of terrible haircuts, still cant seem to connect with anyone solidly in cali/have a painfully dilapidated and isolated social life with only a few acquaintances, GOT INTO TWO CAR ACCIDENTS IN ONE DAY, broke my hand during a midterm that i then failed, like!!! tell me that isnt girlboss behavior ✨💅
to conclude this internet overshare; thats the year ive had up until now. i keep thinking 2022 will be better but i also fully know that theres no reason for any of this stuff to abide by a calendar and that realistically when dec 31st becomes jan 1st its just hell and pain and misery and suffering forever actually
#shockingly most of the bad things that happened had fuckall to do with covid#BUT LADS IM TELLING YOU THERES STILL TIME I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF AT THE LAST MINUTE GOD THROWS THAT ONE AT ME#also wouldnt be shocked if i forgot some stuff#like hopefully yall will agree with me when i just say#goddamn
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match up request: Hello! If your match-up requests are still open can i have one? If not, sorry to bother you and feel free to ignore this lol. My name is Ro, i'm a bi girl with a preference for men, i'm a scorpio, infp. Im very shy until i feel like i can trust someone, then i am very talkative. I love to make people laugh, i like going to parties and socializing, having deep talks, but i also really value my alone time. Im usually pretty calm but im quick to anger and just as quick to calm down. My coping mechanism is humour, if anything bad happens to me i just cant ~not~ make a bad joke that will make my friends and family doubt my sanity. Either that, or i act like nothing happened when someone asks because i dont wanna bother my loved ones with my problems. Im the definition of a gifted kid that now has a major burnout in academics. I'm pretty tall (170cm), a bit chubby, i have long red hair, brown eyes, i wear glasses which kinda give me a nerdy look. I usually wear heavy eyeliner and im into alt/punk fashion. Would love to get some piercings and tattoos someday. I like video games, painting, travelling (visiting lots of museums, they are so interesting), watching documentaries, anime and horror movies(they do make me paranoid and throughout the night i feel like im haunted when the furniture and floors creak). I love reading, learning about a variety of subjects and cooking/baking (my happy place tbh, nothing relaxes me more than baking some pound cakes). I love my friends, i'm very devoted to them and im the type to beat an ex's ass if they hurt my friends.I dislike overly crowded places, public speaking( is my worst nightmare), being forced to go out when im having hermit days. I cant stand people that fish for sympathy, people that are overly nice to everyone even if that other person is devil incarnate, people that have zero backbone and cant stand their ground no matter what.In a rs i'm looking for someone who i can have fun with and never (or rarely) get bored, someone funny, who i can laugh with over stupid things, someone who will support me in both my career and chaotic ideas. Someone who is a bit clingy, because i also am, but understands that sometimes i need my space. Ideally it would be someone that likes or doesnt mind pets, because i plan on having like 4. These are my preferences, but in reality im not really picky, just dont be a bigot, love &respect& be loyal to me and know how to have a conversation and im pretty much sold. My love language is acts of service, but i prefer to receive physical touch or words of affirmation. I dont know what else to include, so im just going to stop here. Also i didn't read the manga.Thank you so much and have a nice day/evening!^^
I match you with...
¡! Matsuno Chifuyu ¡!
Why?
because you too are way to cute to be real, honestly I see you as an adolescent romance forever, somehow you manage to mature together still with spark you had when you met. your relationship is based in comfort and spontaneity.
general headcanons:
¡! SFW ¡!
you met at a themed cafe, you crossed looks, not a single word came out, then you saw each other at the mall, still no conversation, and again, you met at a manga shop, this was too much coincidence, you even picked the same manga! you being the one to start the conversation, talking about the manga your hand held, and then talking about your past encounters, Chifuyu chuckling at the situation, asking for your number and everything. he left the manga shop with an innocent thought and then realizing he was kinda flirting with you, pink tinted his cheeks and part of his ears, feeling embarrassed at how that happened but proud at how natural it was.
text messages, lots of them, staying up until late answering the most random questions about each other thinking about your next encounter, soon to be happen
the day came and Chifuyu was super nervous, overthinking and stuttering. you were like him, but disguised it better, he looked too cute to be real.
dates and dates, it wasn't until the 4th month of talking to each other that Chifuyu decided to confess his feelings, admitting he was just a teenage dirtbag in love.
he is the most caring boyfriend ever, the whole package comes with him, even jealousy (not too much)
he started being more confident when he started dating you, you gave him that boost.
dates in cafes, carnivals, or at home. lots of cuddles included.
this guy is cheesy, so prepare for his cuteness.
overall loves you in general, wouldn't change that chirping voice of yours <3
with love, for @holoblue 💐
¡! song recommendation ¡!
sorry for not putting nsfw but Im not in the mood lately 😞
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#tokrev#[❥︎] match ups#chifuyu scenarios#chifuyu x reader#chifuyu best boy#chifuyu matsuno#matsuno chifuyu#Spotify
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not to be very annoying, but do you happen to know any good books/resources about lgbt slang/identities in victorian/edwardian/etc england? (i mean, things such as lesbians calling each other "toms" and the like). don't worry if you don't know any, but i just figured i'd ask since this was kinda in your Area Of Interest so you might know some off the top of your head.
the not annoying at all but this is a more complex question than at first glance hahaha
TL;DR: there are many types of queer language / we have way more info about men, who have their own lexicon / this era is widely seen as the era in which the concept of identity is actually coming into play / books list at the end, scroll down til you reach bolded text if you don’t want my commentary.
so when you’re looking at mid 19th - interwar lgbt communities, whether in europe or the uk or the usa it doesn’t really matter bc this is quite universal, you’ve got at least three registers, for lack of an easier word:
how self-identified homosexual, inverted, queer, abnormal etc men (henceforth gay men) speak with each other
how self-identified “” women (henceforth lesbian women) speak with each other
interactions between these groups
these naturally intersect with other socioeconomic class factors.
back to england specifically:
despite legal considerations gay men have the most agency and ability to move around and therefore are more likely to interact with each other and form communities. so now you have additional registers:
upper middle / upper class
middle / lower middle / working class (more registers here but nobody asked me and i promise i will give you recs soon)
again, interactions between them
the latter category has limited applications; most of them have to do with prostitution or casual sex and tend to be about categorizing people in terms of what sex acts they participate in. (this is universally true of most forms of gay slang and/or their origins for obvious reasons) think locker room talk. OR, we’re looking at cross class relationships and how other people view members of cross class relationships. not to generalize bc there are other things than this but what is best documented here is the upper class pov of these interactions
for the first category there is much less slang & unique community language, when you look at letters and works of literature etc etc people are picking and choosing from both medical/psychiatric terminology, which is developing rapidly from the 1860s on, and like, classical works; you get a lot of alluding to things. artistic communities (bloomsbury group, natalie clifford barney’s harem in paris and what have you) meanwhile are sort of all over the map. but bc this isn’t Polite Society talk, most of the sources for this kind of language tend to be limited in scope. which is true for all subculture language really but like in this case, authors of the day who are writing what they know are we think giving a pretty accurate picture of what their actual communities were like... but it’s put through a filter for publication.
by the 20th century urban working class gay men in certain circles are using polari, a subcultural lexicon which came from mid/late 19th century theatre and music hall slang, which came from fairground cant, seafaring , labor slang, Yiddish, cockney, theatre slang, fishmarkets, French, Italian, underground crime rings literally i could go on and there’s lots of debate about this. it’s turn of the century when it comes to be used very widely within the gay community, and while its origins are in london it made it to other uk urban centres fairly quickly. this lasted well into the latter half of the 20th century and is the base for a lot of community slang today, which leads me to
lesbian women, who also used polari, albeit to a lesser extent. these were primarily lesbians who were also in the 3rd camp above - ones who are involved in the community and interacting w/ gay men regularly. (”straight women who work in theatre” is another category of woman polari speakers haha but performance slang went thru many changes and eventually things got p separate so you had fairground & theatre cant and gay subculture slang having similar roots but very distinct in usage)
for lesbian communities the same thing as w gay men applies for the upper classes just to a lesser degree due to the relative lack of a community experienced by women
but a very important point here is that, ESPECIALLY during the victorian period, less so moving into the 20th century, intimate relationships between women are viewed very, very differently than those between men - male relationships have hard and fast boundaries of what is and isnt acceptable, those of women do not.
the development of identity w/ sexuality for women i think in many ways had a lot more to do with women who expressed their gender differently than women who had intimate exclusive relationships w/ other women
anyway the point is there unfortunately is no like comprehensive text for All Queer Language at this point in time, nor for the development of sexual identity, and the nature of this field (linguistics + history + sociology about queer stuff) means that a lot of the good work is in academic articles which i do NOT know off the top of my head. :-( but here’s some stuff !!
LIST OF THE ACTUAL BOOKS SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT
ok so these are all nonfiction, mostly academic nonfiction, but i want to stress that contemporary literature is a REALLY good way to get a (often rose tinted but not always) look into subculture and there are many novels that play with and/or poke at the ongoing development of sexual identity, especially in edwardia, especially especially in the 1920s, so if youve got endless time to read on your hands it is absolutely worth poking around there.
i have a list in the works of 1920s literature that has lgbt stuff in it and i realise thats a bit late for you but even so!!
also: compilations of letters, memoirs, etc are like super super invaluable
anyway ive bolded the most important ones:
Kosofsky Sedgwick, Eve. Epistemology of the Closet. 1990. University of California Press. [required lgbt theory reading, literally the foundation for soooo much]
Marcus, Sharon. Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England. 2007. Princeton University Press.
Robb, Graham. Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century. 2003. [this is like, functionally prerequisite reading for any gay male stuff for the 19th century & robb is an excellent popular historian who also has an actual academic background]
Rupp, Leila J. Sapphistries: A Global History of Love between Women. 2008. NYU Press.
Russett, Cynthia. Sexual Science: The Victorian Construction of Womanhood. 1989. Harvard University Press. [touches on things but is not About sexuality/identity]
these are both already on my downton abbey research list but they both discuss language thruout and identity very thoroughly:
Brady, Sean. Masculinity and Male Homosexuality in Britain, 1861-1913. 2005. Palgrave Macmillan.
David, Hugh. On Queer Street: A Social History of British Homosexuality 1895-1995. 1997. HarperCollins.
for polari, see basically everything paul baker’s done. the 2019 might be the most accessible but i havent read it yet:
Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa: A dictionary of Polari & gay slang. 2002. London: Continuum.
Baker, Paul. Polari: The Lost Language of Gay Men (Routledge Studies in Linguistics). 2002. London: Routledge.
Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa! The Story of Polari, Britain’s Secret Gay Language. 2019. London: Reaktion.
while it predates the era youre asking about, this book is good reading that leads up to the changes of the victorian era in sexual morality & how that affects identity and language:
Donoghue, Emma. Passions Between Women: British Lesbian Culture 1668–1801. 1995. HarperCollins.
also i hate to do this but like. foucault lol. obviously not focused on britain but very much focused on the development of identity and sexuality.
ive been working on this for like three straight hours im gonna go eat lunch now
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sorry for sounding rude, but im curious as to how you’re able to consistently write and post such long chapters/long one shots? like, how do you even find the time to do it in between your schedules, on top of all of the research and planning/outlining that goes into each story? (because your detail and accuracy is incredible)
Not rude at all! I'm so touched and grateful that you reached out! I ended up having a lot of really fun thoughts and shared them below! I could talk about writing all day. I just love it so much! Thanks again for prompting the conversation!
Consistency...?
I’m kinda floored that you think I’m consistent? I don’t think I am. I’m always blown away by writers who keep to a consistent writing and posting schedule, and they’re so great at cultivating collective excitement for new installments! I experimented with this for Like Butter, challenging myself to write a chapter a day leading up to Butter’s release. Experimenting with this for Kittenfishing, so we’ll see how it goes (and apologies in advance for the inevitable delays lol)! Otherwise, I kind of just write and post whenever I feel like it.
Structure
@mochilatae (hi Roomie!) and I talk about structure a ton! And it’s making me remember some things I thought about when answering this ask about how I started writing. I tend to read standalone novels, memoirs, and movie/TV/play scripts. I learned about writing within those structures. Novels certainly influenced my wordiness. Memoirs and scripts probably explain my approach to detail, as well as my dialogue- and internal monologue-heavy style. I imagine my preferences and tendencies would look quite different if I gravitated more toward poetry, short stories, or series. And now I’m curious! Are you a writer? What are your influences? Do you think their structures as well as their content have impacted your style?
I also did a LOT of academic writing in grad school. Publish or perish. My research training was in cognitive psychology, which follows APA formatting. Every psychology paper has the same core sections: Intro, Methods, Results, Discussion, and Conclusion. That, along with the A/B/C-plot script structure, are foundational to each of my stories, though I am trying to experiment with switching that up! Also, scientific writing hinges upon creating an argument based on a mix of theory and evidence (vs. pure philosophy or emotional persuasion). I think that’s impacted my style; I feel like I need to pepper in details like “data” throughout my stories so that by the time you get to the “conclusion”, you can see whether the “hypotheses” created in the premise hold up or not.
But I also want to say long and detailed aren’t always better! Regardless of the style, my favorite works are written in a way that best serves the story that is being told. Knowing my proclivities for wordiness and a quick pace, @mochilatae gave me some great nudges on staying present within a scene and fulfilling its potential. If you haven’t already, check her out! She’s an absolute QUEEN at this! I’m always aiming to stay honest in every moment that is created, and I’ve taken that particular feedback to heart whether I’m writing a drabble or a longfic!
And I think that’s another strong point. Talking about writing with fellow writers and readers has given me the most joy. Being in this kind of creative communal space has sent me to places I never thought I’d travel to, so naturally, my writing has evolved because of it. Even this conversation is making me think about my structure, and in such a fun way!
Time
Ah, that definitely ebbs and flows. Sometimes, I feel like I’m super productive. Other times, I’m busy or just not feeling it. During the worst times, I get burned out. I definitely got burned out a couple of times over the past year. But with the help of all the positive people in this fanfic community, I’ve been kinder to myself. I’ve actually come to accept and appreciate the burn out! Sometimes I use that time to catch up on things I’m naturally interested in, and in more than a few instances, that has ended up being accidental research for my stories! It’s hard to see it when we’re in it, but slowing down often does wonders for us. After resting and taking care of myself, even indulging myself in other ways, I come out the other end of it bursting with new ideas for you!
And I don’t know if you had this in mind when you asked, but as far as the speed of getting the ideas on the page, I have a purely anecdotal theory: I think knowing how to play a musical instrument helps? I play piano and a number of other instruments. I was taught how to channel thoughts and emotions into a physical medium that translated them into an auditory medium that then presented those thoughts and emotions to others for interpretation. I think about that process often, and I hope that comes across in my writing. I’ve also noticed that manual dexterity helps my fingers work quickly and fluidly. (I mean, this is why Yoongi’s hand kink is a thing, right??) So I feel like that skill has helped me build quite a natural connection between my brain and my hands. I communicate better through the written words; I type the way I think.
Now, I wonder if my theory has been studied. It would be cool to run an experiment to see if seasoned musicians vs. non-musicians differ in typing speed and accuracy, communicativeness, or maybe even idea generation. You could even have musical subgroups, like piano vs. percussion vs. strings vs. winds to see if type of musical training and required muscle movements influences those possible relationships! It’s times like this I miss my lab lol.
I swear I’m done lol
Anyway, thank you so much for the ask! It wasn’t rude by any means. In fact, it was incredibly kind! I sometimes worry I'm too long-winded, too detailed, much like in real life and as evidenced by this post lol. And I worry that those traits make me inaccessible. But I guess this just goes to show you that the things that you think are flaws are just differences that others will appreciate. It’s a vast world; there are so many people out here who are waiting and excited to connect with you, and I’m one of them! 💜
#writing style#writing#fanfiction#about me#asks#your asks#anon#ahh this was such a great ask!#thanks anon!#how i write
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why fan fiction writing should be normalized.
i want to start by saying this is my personal experience. i wanted to share this story because i feel like writing fan fiction is something that isn’t as socially acceptable as it should be. for me, i know it’s not something i share openly with my friends because of the fear that they might think I’m weird. but that shouldn’t be the case. how is writing fanfic any different from other passions/hobbies?
i began writing fanfics two or so years ago, but only really started writing seriously a year ago. if you look back at my oldest fics, they’re all plotless angst with the sole purpose of making the characters suffer as much as possible. as fun as that was however, my desire to write beautiful stories, like the ones i would read; the ones that made my heart skip a beat or my breath catch or even cause a waterfall of tears, began to grow.
so i started to plan more. i created themes and symbolism and all those things that i would have to work to identify in school, except here it wasn’t work, it was fun. not all the time of course, there were days where I didn’t want to write, or i wanted to skip ahead and get to the juicy parts, but for the most part i really enjoyed myself.
now fast forward a few months and im starting my senior year of high school. my English teacher is the English AP teacher and her reputation of marking hard is no myth. i should know, she was my grade ten teacher. we’re given our first writing task, a PRT (personal response to text). it’s important to note that in the past, PRTs and i have never been friends. my life has been pretty bland so far, so the idea of writing a response based on my own experiences was not appealing. for the PRT we’re allowed to answer it in various ways; your typical paragraph formatted response (my usual choice), a short story, a diary entry, a speech, etc. basically we can write anything except a poem.
so there i was, faced with a prompt and three possible texts to write on and i think to myself ‘im going to write a short story’. I’d never written a short story for a PRT before and the last time i wrote one for academic purposes was in grade three, where i wrote about a hippo and a mango.
the pressure was on, as it’s the first assignment of the year and will most likely set the tone for the rest of the semester, but i said ‘why not’ and started to plan.
a week or so passes and our teacher hands out our marked work. my heart was beating a thousand miles a minute, my palms sweating uncontrollably. my teachers face gives nothing away as she places a stack of paper face down on my desk. taking a shuddering breath i turn it over and flip through the pages until i get to the back.
100%
i can’t believe it, and im about to go up to my teacher and ask her if it was a mistake but then i think about it.
for the past year, my free time has been taken over by writing. through fan fiction I’ve been practicing the very elements that teachers are looking for in academic writing and i didn’t even realize it.
imagine if fifth graders were assigned to write a story with their favourite video game characters going to school together. or their favourite princesses battling dragons in a far off world. what would happen if we were asked to use our imaginations and write about things we love at young ages. maybe it would create a passion for writing instead of the dread most of us feel when we hear the word ‘essay’.
so there’s my proof that writing, no matter the topic or subject, will translate to the real world. sure with fanfic the characters are already developed for us, but that doesn’t mean there’s no creative freedom allowed. we can make AU’s and fantasize relationships that maybe weren’t canon. and the more we write, the better our writing becomes.
thanks for coming to my Ted talk
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not to be starting homestuck race disk horse in 2019 but yknow what? I Will.
being an asian fan in the hs fandom is kinda, not great actually. in fact, it not only feels like we’re not here at all, that we’re erased, but its honestly? downright harmful. people treat the trivialization and fetishization of your culture to be,,, like a Big Joak. yall joke about weebs like these people havent been literally grooming and abusing asian girls, like we havent been made fun of enough for Their actions, like we aren't already viewed as the strange punchlines to jokes that still seem somehow acceptable. its somehow funny to joke about how you hate every sign of asian culture that shows up throughout the comics, like how dirk’s kotatsu was dumb and pretentious as if people in japan dont literally live with one and use it every single day!
even asian-coding in characters get swept away in favour of other headcanons. even the megidos, who are as close to canonically asian as they possibly can be in a medium like homestuck, are often drawn white or something completely different altogether. the stridlondes are also heavily asian-coded, and the fans who do pick up on that, who finally feel comforted by someone like them as protagonists? they often just.. give up on that, because they see so little representation in the fandom. (theres only like one popular artist i know of that draws the strilondes asian? but like, hats off to u pal, youre fighting the good fight). also, it seems strange, to be represented so little considering almost 3 billion people on earth is asian, which is, Quite A Lot to be not represented a lot.
dont get me wrong, i adore the outpouring of more diverse art of the kids, but a hard truth to swallow is that pocs being weebs/fetishizing asian culture, is just as harmful as white people doing the same. there is a world of difference between japanese dirk, trying to interface with his lost culture by clinging to the most performative and popular parts of it, than another dirk, appropriating people’s cultures because he thinks its funny or interesting based off a show he watched once. i love how people are like "wow the striders like anime and care about traditions and use japanese words and overall just seem like diaspora kids" and the conclusion they draw from that is "clearly,, they cannot be asian" bc a non-asian person being interested in those things is better than an asian person whose interested in their own culture i guess??
in fact, a lot of these narratives are so much more interesting once theyre looked at through their coded lenses!
Dave’s struggle with coming to terms with his emotions strikes such an interesting chord when the striders’ concept of irony and never showing their emotions Correspond so well to the idea of honour/face, where youre not supposed to show that youre Ever Sad or anything that isnt a positive emotion because it shows that youre a Failure and You Failed and that makes you a Bad Person, which is exactly what dave struggles with because hes So Guilty about it, which ties to the guilt and shame a lot of asian people feel about not being able to live up to impossible standards set by their parents, which is another theme we see reflected in all four strilondes.
rose’s strained relations with her mother are mirrored in so many of our second-generation lives and makes so much more cultural sense when looked at that way. the weird distance you hold from your parents, where you cant look each other in the eyes anymore, because every interaction feels more like a business transaction. you hand in your good grades and praise from teachers, talking about how mature you are, and they return with some present or gift that you don't really want. you dont know anything about them, and they dont know anything about you, Not the person you Actually Are, anyways. but there is a yearning, to be close, to know eachother, but you only feel it in return when its too late. as well as her Obsession to be mature, to be smart and adult-like because thats what shes praised for, because you Need to be academically the best always and that means reading dictionaries until the sun goes down, repeating each word until they are engraved into your mind. always finding competition, subtle or not, because if you are not the winner, what are you?
dirk’s wild performative love of japanese culture (which also, in turn, lead to non-asian fans literally trashing it like it was a funny joke to call someone’s culture lame and stupid) seems like ‘ironic’ weebism, but its also being Exactly the type of over-the-too performative reclaiming of our culture that so many asian diaspora kids do when they’re teens! they feel bad about pushing away their culture as youth, but they’re not quite mature enough to actually care about the rich history and ‘boring’ parts, so they cling to pop culture, to social media and something so much more easily consumable, like anime. which is not even to mention the idea of him trying desperately to connect to a culture that he has never grown up in, but still belonged to by consuming mass amounts of media, being Such an immigrant story. as well as his massive competitive streak and need to make other people as good as he is (but not better), is the type of internalized pressure that a lot of asian kids feel as well.
and all the stridlondes have various anxieties about not performing well enough, of not living up to a standard that they have set for themselves, feeling like even a single step back or even one mistake is a catastrophic failure that’s branded to you for life. Which is just as much of a mental health thing as it is like,,, an asian thing
this is getting really long so im cutting myself off here but please if you want to hear more about my Thoughts and Hot Takes feel free to shoot me an ask.
in conclusion: please treat asian people better hs fandom i literally beg you. like,, im Not tryna make waves but,, asian erasure in fandom is a huge issue and no one ever talks abt it!! dont trivialize, fetishize and erase cultures blease
big thanks to @ernikerr and @wyndryga for encouraging me to go Off and helping to write this.
anyone please feel free to rb but non-asian people please watch your mouth
#homestuck#dirk strider#dave strider#rose lalonde#roxy lalonde#strilondes#asian american#hs#pesterquest#hiveswap#aradia megido#damara megido#homestuck 2#text post#jae rambles#hs meta#homestuck meta
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