#so I’m just kinda sad around and on my birthday every year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dream-a-little-bigger-x · 9 months

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Tongue Tied | Spencer Reid

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol use, making out, mentions of sex (nothing explicit, but MDNI!)

Author's note:

Words: 3.075

Being best friends with Penelope Garcia had its perks and disadvantages. More perks than anything else, to be fair. There has never been a day where I’d been sad for more than five minutes. She was too bubbly, too nice, too overly excited about everything that you just couldn’t be sad around her.

Being best friends with Penelope Garcia also meant hearing a lot of stories from her job and the cases she worked. Almost every day, she’d call me, no matter what time at night or in the morning – much to my chagrin – and tell me all about the case she’d just wrapped up with her team. Having heard so many stories about her found family, I couldn’t help but be curious to meet them.

She’s worked at the BAU for eight years now and not once have I had the opportunity to meet the team. Mostly because whenever they had some time off and spent it together, I had my own job to go to.

But now, I finally got to meet them.

Penelope was throwing a big party for her 34th birthday and I, along with the rest of her team, was invited. She’d told me she was allowed to use her co-worker, David Rossi’s big-ass mansion and to say I was impressed when I arrived, that would be underselling it.

Dressed in my favorite red dress, I make my way up to the front door, anxiety wracking my brain. Meeting new people always felt scary, no matter how old I got. There was always that tiny voice in the back of your head, wondering if they were going to like you, if you looked right, if your dress wasn’t too provocative.

I’d changed my outfit about ten times before settling on my first option anyway.

Now that I had arrived, the anxiety settled on my chest right up until the moment when my eyes landed on the familiar figure that was my best friend.

She let out a shriek as she embraced me. “I’m so happy you could finally make it!” she exclaimed before pulling me inside and guiding me all the way through the house. She was going so fast that I barely had the time to properly look around.

“Pen. Pen, calm down, please,” I said between chuckles. Right in front of the large sliding doors that led to the garden where the party was in full swing, she halted and looked at me with worry pooling her eyes.

As Penelope was about four years older than me, she had always felt like a bigger sister. And she often acted that way, too. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just nervous…” I mumbled, sighing desperately. “I’ve never met your friends and it’s been kinda freaking me out, so could we please, take a breather?”

Penelope’s eyes softened as she looked at me. “Yeah. Yeah, we can take a breather. Hey, how about a cocktail, hmm?” She offered me the glass in her hands, one she had wanted to drink, but decided I needed it more.

“That’s good, yeah,” I whispered before taking a sip.

For a moment, I closed my eyes to get my bearings until Penelope’s voice shook me out of it. “Hey,” she started. “You’re gonna be fine. They already love you from everything I’ve told them. And if they say as much as one bad thing about you, I will not hesitate to hurt them. Bad.”

The seriousness in her voice and face caused me to crack up, the anxiety washing away as quickly as it came.

“Okay,” I then said and took another sip. “I’m ready to meet your family.”

With a smile on her face, Penelope guided me outside where her co-workers were dancing on the makeshift dance floor. Before Penelope could start to introduce everyone, I had already made my mind up about everyone from the stories Penelope had told me.

“All right, everyone,” Penelope started. “This is Y/N Y/L/N, my best friend. Y/N/N, this is–”

“Aaron Hotchner,” I interrupted her, shaking the tall man’s hand before my cheeks started flushing when I realized what I’d done. “Sorry, Pen has told me so much about all of you. She said how imposing her boss was, so I made the connection…”

Her co-workers exchanged glances and I could almost detect their impressed glances. “There’s no way you could get all of our names correct from Garcia’s stories,” another one challenged. When I looked up at him, I tilted my head slightly. The thick eyebrows, the sharp jawline, the muscles…

“Well, I don’t know, you tell me… Chocolate Thunder.” Derek’s eyebrows shot up in surprise while the girls beside him gasped, their jaws dropping in amusement. I turned towards the women. One blonde, one brunette, both with curious eyes looking back at me. “You must be JJ,” I said to the blonde. “And Emily,” I turned to the brunette, shaking each of their hands politely.

“Damn, Garcia, where did you find her?” Derek joked.

The heat reached up to my cheeks, creeping all the way up to the tips of my ears. “She’s profiling us,” another voice piped up and when my eyes met his, I swore my heart skipped a beat or two.

Dr. Spencer Reid. Penelope had told me enough about him. Resident genius. Child prodigy with an IQ of 187. Reading speed of 20,000 words per minute. The most gorgeous pair of eyes I had ever seen – though that was something I’d deducted in the five seconds he looked at me.

“I-I’m a psychiatrist,” I explained to them. “Sometimes, I have to profile people too, though in different ways than you guys do.” As I glanced up at all of them, they just looked back at me with intrigued shimmers in their eyes. I felt a little more at ease now that the ice had been broken, but I still couldn’t quell every ounce of anxiety that resided on my chest.

“Okay, enough chit-chat!” Penelope exclaimed excitedly before grabbing another cocktail for herself and lifting the glass in the air.

I, along with the rest of her team, mimicked her movements until all our glasses were raised and clinking. “To Penelope,” David Rossi announced and all of us just repeated the words, having the girl herself squeal excitedly.

Just then, the music on the speakers switched to ABBA’s Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight), causing Penelope and I to gasp in excitement. This was the song that brought us together in the first place when we met in a bar nine years ago during a night out and we were the only ones dancing. Safe to say it had been dubbed ‘our song’ ever since.

Along with Emily and JJ, Penelope and I took to the dancefloor, singing along loudly. I didn’t even need to be drunk to let myself go. With this song, I could be stone cold sober and still be dancing on tabletops.

“Is there a man out there?” We sang as I pointed at Spencer the same way the other girls pointed at the other guys to get them to join us. A surprised look washed over the Doctor as I danced over to him and grabbed his hand to drag him towards the middle of the dancefloor.

The eight of us danced the night away. From ABBA to Rihanna and everything in between, Penelope and I made sure everyone stayed on that dance floor with their drinks topped up, always. I fit right in with them. Everything felt so natural that I cursed at myself for being so anxious about this night. There was no reason for me to, at all.

Three drinks in, I was pretty buzzed and overwhelmed with the happiness and contentment I felt, that I needed to step out. “Pen,” I captured her attention. “Can you show me to the bathroom?”

“I’ll show you,” Spencer cut in, having caught my question to my best friend.

I smiled up at him – God, he was so tall – and nodded my head. “Okay. Yeah, sure.”

“Be good, you two,” Penelope almost warned as Spencer and I made our way towards the house. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Chuckling, I turned around, but kept walking backwards. “So, I can do everything?!” I teased, ignoring how my cheeks heated up, flustered at the suggestion of Spencer and I doing anything at all.

I fell back into step with Spencer, allowing the silence to wrap around us while we made our way to the house. My head felt light and my senses were hyper-aware of the presence next to me. I could smell his cologne – fresh and citrusy – and I could hear his even breaths.

“There you go,” he then said as we were inside and he pointed to a door on the right. I was almost sad our little walk was over, even if we hadn’t said a word to one another. I liked just being around him, it seemed.

I flashed him a smile. “Thank you, Spencer,” I said before ducking into the bathroom. It wasn’t even like I needed to go, but I went anyway, just to be sure with all those drinks. When I finished, I washed my hands and splashed some water in my face. How did my cheeks still feel this hot?

After taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the bathroom to rejoin the rest of the party when movement in the living room piqued my interest. I turned the corner to find Spencer going through the books on Rossi’s shelves.

He waited for me, something in me said, but I refrained myself from saying it out loud in case I read it wrong.

“You’re still here,” I pointed out instead, capturing the man’s attention.

His eyes filled with brightness as they landed on me and his smile was equally as dazzling, almost knocking the wind out of me. “I waited for you,” he told me sweetly, his tone dipped in honey, much like his eyes.

“Y-you waited for me?” I stuttered, trying to wrap my head around the fact that the voice in my head wasn’t wrong.

He approached me, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I-I kinda wanted to show you something…” he muttered before cautiously reaching out a hand. My eyes flicked from his face to his hand and back before placing my hand in his.

While my stomach tied itself in knots from the somersaults it was doing, I let Spencer guide me up to the balcony on the side of the house where we looked down on the party happening down below. I couldn’t help but smile as my eyes caught onto Penelope dancing with Rossi like their life depended on it.

The graze of Spencer’s fingers on the palm of my hand shook me out of my thoughts. I glanced up at him to find him gazing down at me with a tender smile and shimmering eyes of honey. He then pointed up to the sky.

“Look up,” he said softly and I obeyed, craning my neck back until my eyes caught onto the stars above us. Next thing I know, Spencer grabbed my hand and lifted it to draw something in the sky. “That’s Orion,” he told me. “Did you know Orion contains two of the brightest stars in the night sky?”

“No, I did not know that,” I whispered, trying to ignore him intertwining his fingers with mine as he dropped our hands back to our sides.

Spencer hummed. “Stars are always perfectly in balance,” he then continued and when I glanced up at him, his gaze was focused on the sky above us. “You might not realize it, but stars are in constant conflict with themselves. The collective gravity of all the mass of a star is pulling it inward. If there was nothing to stop it, the star would just continue collapsing for millions of years until it became its smallest possible size; maybe as a neutron star. But–” he stopped himself as his eyes locked with mine. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“No!” I answered a little too quickly and a little too feverishly, so I recomposed myself as quickly. “No, I-It’s actually really interesting. I’ve never really known much about stars. All I know about is the human brain and its mental capacities and flaws.”

A smile graced his beautiful features. “I bet your brain is beautiful,” he blurted out, his cheeks reddening almost instantly when he realized he’d said it out loud. “I-I’m sorry, that was–”

“The most beautiful compliment anyone has ever given me,” I finished his sentence, smiling, endeared by his confession. “I bet your brain is beautiful, too.” I turned towards him, keeping my hand entwined with his.

Spencer was looking down at me, the gears behind his eyes clearly going in overdrive as he thought of something to say. It appeared as though I had rendered him silent and I couldn’t help but smirk at the achievement.

“Did I leave you tongue tied, Dr. Reid?” I asked teasingly, squeezing his hand ever so softly.

Honey eyes looked into mine, searching for the answer he needed. When he had found the answer, he suddenly cupped my face and captured my lips with his in a hesitant, testing kiss. For a second he pulled back, trying to gauge my reaction with his forehead pressed against mine. My brain was swimming with excitement while my stomach filled with fluttering butterflies.

“Did I leave you tongue tied, Dr. Y/L/N?” he shot the question back, teasingly. He had gained some confidence back and, above all, it seemed to do something with the chemicals in my brain as I shut it off entirely and went back in.

My lips slotted perfectly with his. I tilted my head ever so slightly, deepening the kiss. His fingers played with the strands of hair that had escaped my intricate updo while mine had landed on his chest, pulling him impossibly closer by his tie.

After a while, I needed to come up for air and broke away from the kiss, but still kept him close. My mind was going into overdrive as every single part of me tingled. I felt his every fiber on my skin and I wanted to absorb every possible second I had this man close to me.

“Maybe we should go back to the party,” I whispered.

“Maybe we should.”

“YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM?!” Penelope practically shrieked the next day when I debriefed her on what happened between Spencer and me when we had escaped the party.

I buried my face in one of the many pillows on her couch and let out a groan. “Yes, I did. I’m so sorry, Pen! It just– It just happened! I don’t know how, we were looking at the stars one moment and the next, he’s kissing me and then suddenly, BOOM! He’s inside me!”

“Damn,” Penelope whispered, everything finally clicking in her brain. “DAMN, I didn’t know our Boy Wonder had so much game!” She almost sounded proud of her co-worker. “Was he any good?”

“PEN!” I threw the pillow at her cackling form. “Yes, he actually was very good,” I then muttered once the initial embarrassment had died down a little. “Easily top three for me.”

Penelope’s eyes widened as she plopped down next to me on the couch. “NO!”

“Yes…”

Her bottom lip jutted out into a pout. “You two would make the most beautiful geniuses.”

“Woah, pump your breaks there, Pen,” I chuckled, hitting her with yet another pillow to bring her back to reality. “This was just a one-time-thing. Don’t go ringing the wedding bells so quickly.”

A smirk landed on her lips. “But you want it to be more than a one-time-thing, don’t you?” she teased. “Yeah, you’re not a one-time-thing-person at all. You’re a cute-date-boyfriend-girlfriend-type of girl.”

I hated that she knew me so well. Ever since saying goodbye to Spencer at my apartment last night, I haven’t been able to think about anything else but his beautiful honey-colored eyes and the gorgeous smile that grazed his lips so often.

“Should I ask him out?” I then pondered out loud, earning an excited shriek from my best friend.

Just as she wanted to add something, her phone started ringing. A hint of terror flashed over her face as she reached over for the device. She was probably scared it was work calling her in for a case on her day off.

Her smirk quickly returned. “Speak of the devil,” she muttered before picking up. “Hey, Reid. We were just talking about you.”

My eyes widened in shock. Spencer wasn’t supposed to know I went straight to my best friend with every detail of our night together. Though he should’ve expected it. Maybe he did.

“Yeah, she’s right here,” Penelope’s voice snapped me out of my own head, her eyes fixated on me. “Yeah, sure.” She then reached the phone out to me. Hesitantly, I took over the device and pressed it to my ear whilst getting up from the couch and moving away from Penelope.

“Hi Spencer,” I greeted awkwardly.

“Hey, y/n. Uhm… I just–I wanted to call you but since I don’t have your number, I figured I could call Garcia to ask for it, but since you are there…” He trailed off a little. I could hear the smile in his voice as he talked, sending shivers down my body. “I was just wondering… If, maybe, you’d want to go out for coffee later today? I’m sure you’re nursing a hangover right about now and I read somewhere–”

“I’d love to, Spencer,” I quickly cut him off, too eager to listen to his ramblings. A silence fell on the other side of the line. A smirk landed on my lips as I just listened to his soft breathing. “Did I leave you tongue tied, Dr. Reid?” I asked, repeating last night’s question.

A chuckle rolled off his lips. “I think you’re always gonna leave me tongue tied, Doctor.”

At that moment, I realized I wanted to leave him tongue tied more often. As long as he could overwhelm me with all his facts and genius ideas between those moments, I’d probably be the happiest and luckiest woman in the world.

As long as he left me tongue tied, too.

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty @littlemissaddict @n0wornever @wanniiieeee @unnowhatthisistbh

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds

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lvlystars · 7 months

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not your usual saturday night — x.mh

pairing. xu minghao x fem!reader

genre. fluff(?)

summary. when saturday rolls around, minghao expects to be sitting in his apartment, all wrapped up in his blankets with a steaming cup of tea beside him. he certainly did not expect to find himself at a damn frat party, holding a can of beer while a girl's breasts are being pushed up in front of him (on accident, of course). never in a million years did he imagine that. but here we are.

warnings. frat party activities mentioned. alcohol consumption.

wc. 1.6k (FUCK IT UP LESGOO)

minghao huffs out in boredom as he rolls his eyes, unable to tolerate the amount of sweaty bodies around him, yelling and whooping at two people who were grinding up against one another in the living room of the house. to the left of him, he spotted a guy—not any older than minghao is—handing a bag of some kind of white powder (probably drugs) to a younger looking kid, a sophomore at most. along the stairs, he sees two guys making out, their intoxicated smiles and giggles muffled by the blaring music that would probably get the cops here in the next few hours.

so to put it short: not his usual saturday night.

minghao makes a beeline to the kitchen, getting himself a drink from the fridge. he eyes a couple of beers and hard seltzers, and a large bottle of vodka at the bottom. sighing out, he opts for the beer, reaching out for the blue can before he feels a hand on his shoulder. turning his head around, he’s met with the captain of the varsity football team, otherwise known as kim mingyu. but people really prefer to just call him “the tall guy”—not to his face, of course, but who can blame them? the man is literally 6’2.

“minghao? didn’t really take you for a college-frat-parties kinda guy.” mingyu teases, flashing his canine smile at the chinese boy, making the latter just smile and laugh a little. “yeah, i’m really not. seokmin dragged me here.” minghao scratches the back of his head, closing the fridge behind him as he faces mingyu.

“of course he did.” mingyu laughs, patting his back. “alright, i’m gonna join the others in the living room. wanna come?” minghao shakes his head. “no, it’s fine. i’ll just be hanging around here for a bit. it feels really stuffy in there.” mingyu visibly deflates at minghao’s rejection, but he just shrugs, smiling again. “it’s alright. i get what you mean. well, if you wanna join us, we’ll just be chilling there all night.” mingyu says before walking off towards the living room.

“fuck you, seokmin.” minghao curses, cracking open his can of beer before taking a swig of it.

“but it’s my girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday!” seokmin—minghao’s best friend since high school—yells. minghao rolls his eyes at the korean boy’s attempt at getting him to come to just another random party.

“and why do i have to come?” minghao asks, raising his eyebrow.

“i heard the birthday girl is single…” minghao groans as seokmin wiggles his eyebrows at him.

“look, seokmin. i appreciate you being the living version of tinder for me, but i’m not interested in dating, more or less getting involved with anyone at the moment.”

“OH COME ON! please?! give it just ONE chance! if it doesn’t work out, i promise i won’t help your sad, single butt anymore!”

bless his heart for not saying ‘ass’.

and that’s how he ended up in a frat house party with almost half the arts department population in it.

he walks off into the house, trying to find any empty rooms, but in almost every room he looks into, there are people getting high, getting dicked down, or people just hanging out with their friends. finally, he finds a room that’s just occupied by a girl sitting at a desk, the room illuminated by her study lamp.

“hello?” minghao asks as he closes the door, looking around. “hi?” she says back, looking up from her laptop screen. the girl didn’t seem out of place at all. in fact, she was wearing a sparkly green dress that fell off her shoulders, and had a deep neckline. the orange light of the lamp beside her gave the girl a warm glow as she blinked at minghao, who just stood there, before he realises that he’s just been blatantly eyeing down some random girl who was probably trying to get work done.

“oh! uh, i’m sorry, it was just a bit too much out there, so…y’know.” minghao smiles, gesturing towards the room.

“yeah i get it.” the girl says, smiling back at him.

minghao couldn’t help but notice how sober the girl sounded, and maybe also how her voice sounded pretty husky and attractive when it’s resounding off such an empty study room, only filled with a desk, small couch, and empty shelves where textbooks and novels should be.

“you wanna maybe sit down? there should be a couch over there. or i can move to the couch and you can-“

“no! it’s…it’s fine. i’m fine with the couch. thanks.” minghao turns down her offer and goes to sit on the couch.

the two college kids just continue to sit in silence, minghao pulling out his phone and just mindlessly scrolling through his instagram page as the girl continues to work on whatever she was typing away at on her laptop, until she decides to break the silence.

“i’m sorry, it’s probably so awkward. what’s your name?”

“minghao. you?”

“y/n.”

“what major?” minghao asks, putting away his phone as he showed more interest in the conversation than the dog freaking out over a balloon on his phone.

“psych.”

“okay now i’m scared of you.” minghao chuckles, making y/n laugh out loud, shutting her laptop before she leans back.

“i get that a LOT. i just don’t understand why you hate us?!” y/n whines, crossing her arms as her breasts push up, the action making minghao flustered as he looks away.

“i-it’s just that…you guys can like…read our minds! that’s creepy, dude! like if i’m doing a certain action, y’all know what’s going on in our minds and like you know what to do!” minghao throws his arms in the air, accidentally slamming one of them on the shelf behind him. he hisses in pain as he brings down his arm, noticing that he had hit his hand on the sharp edge of the shelf.

“oh shit are you okay?” y/n immediately gets up, rushing over to minghao to hold his arm, turning on the light to get a better look at any damage.

as y/n hovered over him, minghao blushes as he tries to distract himself from the view in front of him: y/n’s chest just being pushed up in front of his face. although hers weren’t as large as some others minghao had seen, he couldn’t lie that they still were just as distracting.

“i-i think i’m okay, y/n.” minghao lowly mutters, making the girl notice their position. she immediately pulls away, pulling up her bodycon dress over her chest as she looks down, mumbling an apology.

instead of saying anything, minghao pats the empty spot beside him on the couch, the two once again sitting in silence before speaking out his thoughts.

“you know what, this party is kinda boring. you wanna like, go over to my place, or we can hang out at yours?” minghao speaks up, looking at y/n, to which she looks stunned.

“i’m sorry, what?”

“i…i just asked…if you wanna…go to my…place…’cause this party is…boring.” minghao just quietly trails off as the girl stares back at him, a dejected yet amused look in her eyes.

“this is…this is my birthday party.” y/n says, making minghao’s eyes go wide.

“oh. OH. OH I AM SO SORRY-“

“it’s fine, my best friend planned the entire thing. i guess she used my birthday as an excuse to party, to be honest. she’s probably making out with her suckass boyfriend. what’s his name again? seok…what? seokjin?”

“it’s seokmin.”

“that’s the one!”

“...he’s my friend.”

“oh…oh shit i’m so sorry, i didn’t–” minghao shakes his head as he laughs softly, his eyes forming into crescents as the ends crinkle. “no, no you’re good. he really does suck up to her like no tomorrow. it’s so sickening sometimes.” minghao brushes it off, making the girl soften at his nature.

“i guess we’re both even on accidentally insulting the wrong party.” minghao starts giggling, his laugh sounding more like a pretty twinkle in her ears, and y/n finds herself being entranced by the way minghao’s eyes form crescents when he smiles widely, and the way his teeth look so perfect and cute as he beams. the way–

y/n snaps out of her little trance when minghao snaps his fingers in front of her, making her blink twice before apologising, flustered at how she was just caught staring at probably one of the prettiest guys she’s ever seen since she stepped foot into campus.

“i was just saying that those two—seokmin and your friend—are just like each other.” minghao gestures towards the door behind y/n, making her chuckle as she nods in agreement.

“they really are, it’s crazy.” she agrees, laughing at herself as she distracts herself by playing with her fingers, trying to ignore the heat creeping into her cheeks. “funny enough, seokmin was trying to set me up with you, playing all cupid or whatever.” minghao chuckles, making the girl’s eyes widen.

“no way! hyejin was going to set me up with you too! saying that you would be just my type and shit!” y/n gasps, throwing her arm onto minghao’s shoulder, making the poor guy freeze and hyperfixate on the way her touch made him shiver (in a good way, of course). clearing his throat, minghao speaks up.

“i’m your type?” he wiggles his eyebrows, making the girl bashfully look away as she retreats her hand, smiling to herself. before she can say anything, minghao grabs a hold of her hand again, grasping it firmly. “if i’m your type, then do you want to go on a date with me? because you seem like my type too, y/n.” minghao smiles with reassurance, squeezing her hand for comfort.

the silence prolongs before y/n smiles again.

“yes, i would love that, minghao.”

tags 🏷️ —

@wqnwoos @etherealyoungk @amxlia-stars @seuonji @spicyseonghwas @jaehunnyy @kyeomyun @leo-seonghwa @star1117-archives

networks 🔗 —

@preciousillusions-net @cacaokpop-fics @caratsland @k-labels

SVT WORKS

send an ask or drop a comment if you want to be added to my general taglist!

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nicole-timey-wimey-stuff · 20 days

Text

Light it up

Based on the song Light it up - by Luke Bryan

Dbf Joel x Fem reader

Joel Miller x reader 18+ only !!

Summary - No outbreak AU!! I’ve read so many dad’s best friend Joel fics where he ends things, either permanently or temporarily. But what if the reader freaks out, worrying about her dad, worrying about never being able to openly love him and ends it. So this idea came to mind about Joel regretting saying something that leads to her ending things, then sitting by his phone, frantically pulling it out everytime it buzzes. Praying it’s her, telling him she misses him back, he basically becomes a mess.

Warnings! - no use of Y/N in this one, Angst with a happy ending, Joel being shit with feelings, reader also being terrible with feelings, sadness, breakups, hurt, eventual comfort, love confessions, smut, p in v, unprotected sex, smut with feelings, illusions to smut, reader described as female, huge age gap, sneaking around, readers 25 Joel is 45, jealousy, readers dads a softie, my terrible writing, Reader is a mechanic but she’s still feminine. The end is kinda sappy I’m sorry!

Word count - 5.5K (another long one sorry!)

Based on the song by Luke Bryan-

Light it up.

“I get so neurotic about it baby

‘Cause I know you’re reading your phone

I can’t help from going crazy

Thinking that you might not be all alone

I wake up, I check it, I shower and I check it

I feel the buzz in my truck

And I almost wreck it

I always got it on me

Just in case you want me

So, if you’re looking for my love

Then light it up”

It was a Friday night, you’re comfortably cuddled up in Joel’s arms, his hand mindlessly tracing patterns up and down your arm. You’re both sweaty, naked and catching your breath after an evening of amazing sex. Joel presses a soft kiss to your forehead, and you close your eyes humming in content.

“Any plans this weekend? Other than being in this bed with me?” Joel asks smirking, breaking the comfortably silence. “Yeah I have a night out with the girls tomorrow, it’s Maddie’s twenty fifth birthday. So we are going to that new club to celebrate” you reply. Joel noticeably stiffens, catching your attention, you turn your chin to look up at him, “You okay?” You ask.

“Yeah I just worry when you’re out drinking, it’s not always safe, drinks get spiked and guys get handsy all the while you’re too drunk to handle yourself” he affirms. You frown, crease lines visible to him and he sighs sitting up. “I’m not saying I don’t trust you darlin’ I just know how things can get” he continues.

“Ok well come with me then, Maddie’s boyfriend is coming, and Kelly’s fiancé, so you wouldn’t be the only guy” you answered.

“You know I can’t sweetheart, we can’t be seen out together like that, people will talk and it will get back to your dad, this only works because it’s private between us” Joel replies regretting it the second he says it, because your face is already twisting, frown becoming deeper.

Then all of a sudden you get up and start searching for your clothes, pulling them on quickly, “Darlin’ hey don’t go, I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t want you to leave” he begs, walking over and trying to wrap his arms around you, pushing him back gently he looks at you like a scolded puppy, “No Joel you’re right, we can’t be seen together, we can’t act like a couple! Hell we aren’t even a real couple are we?” You snapped. “Now I never said that darlin’ look calm down, we can talk this through” Joel begged.

“It’s true though Joel, we should have never started this, I feel like the worst person every time I leave the house, sprouting some lie to my dad, he doesn’t deserve that, he doesn’t deserve this! Us sneaking about, he’s been your best friend for over a decade Joel! And I’m 20 years younger than you! What were we thinking? I don’t know what we were thinking” you go off on this tangent and Joel’s heart is breaking, he can almost feel it shatter, pain radiating through his chest. He clutches it with one hand, in an absolute panic his other still reaching for you.

“Come on sweetheart you don’t mean that, we will figure something out, just don’t go” Joel pleads. “I can’t I need to go I need to sort my head out, this” you motion between you both, “This shouldn’t have happened” you whisper, tears now escaping your eyes. “Baby please” Joel attempts to convince you one last time, before you grab your bag running down the stairs and out the front door.

Racing down the street as fast as you can to where you stashed your car, you jump in starting it quickly, throwing it into drive and racing out of the street. All the while Joel’s dropped to his bedroom floor, sobs wrecking through his body, ‘what has he done’ he thinks to himself, he loves you he realises right then, he’s in love with you and he never got to tell you.

Your not much better you walk into your house tears streaming down your face, the front door opening startles your dad. When he notices your state he approaches you carefully “What’s wrong Princess?” He asks. “Had a fight with a friend I just need some sleep” you state, wanting nothing more than to curl up under your covers, and let out all these emotions. “Alright kiddo, I’m here if you need anything” he replies voice sounding concerned. You nod bounding up the stairs and closing your door, you strip off into something more comfortable, your clothes smell of Joel and you can’t stand that right now, before falling into bed.

You dads stood at the bottom of the stairs still concerned and confused, he could hear your soft sobs from down here. You weren’t this upset the time you fell out with Maddie, this wasn’t some argument with a friend, It felt deeper than that. There has been something you’ve been keeping from him for a while now, sneaking out, small lies. But you’d seemed happier than he’s seen you in a long time, and so he left it be, now though he wasn’t too sure he’d made the right call.

————————————————————————

Joel hadn’t slept a wink, 6am and he was still churned up, eyes swollen from hours of crying. Rolling over he checks his phone ‘nothing’ no messages no missed calls. He sends you a text “Hey darlin, please call me we can fix this xx”

Then he pulls himself up with a groan heading for a shower, Sarah will be over in a couple of hours for her weekly breakfast daddy/ daughter date. Even now she’s in college in the city, she still comes home every Saturday morning for breakfast. It’s always a rush to get you up and out of his bed before she arrives, frantic kisses and giggles as he gets you out the door. It’s all “I’ll see you later baby” “Have a good day at work” “I’ll miss ya, but you have to go before she gets here”. Right now he wouldn’t care if she found you in his bed, that would be better than this.

Sighing he gets under the hot stream of water, washing his body off and hoping it washes away the puffy eyes and dark marks left from no sleep. Once he’s ready for the day he checks his phone again, still nothing he opens up his messages to you, and you’ve read his message this morning, but not responded. He feels his chest constrict, you’ve ignored him, is this really over? It can’t be he won’t let it be. So he messages you again “I miss you, please message me back xx”

He makes his way downstairs preparing breakfast for Sarah, mixing pancake batter in a bowl and cutting fresh fruit. He hopes seeing Sarah will take his mind off things for a little while.

The next street over you were getting ready for work, running late after sleeping in. It had taken you hours to fall asleep, eventually exhaustion had taken over and you’d dozed off. You checked your phone when you woke up reading Joel’s message, you needed to be strong though, you reminded yourself why you’re doing this. The reasoning behind the break up, this wasn’t fair on anyone, it couldn’t be fixed, so you ignored him. Turned off your phone and got ready for work, you have an early finish ready for your girls night out, you needed this night out.

Jumping in your car you shove your phone in the glove box, you’d worry about everything later, right now you needed to clear your mind. You arrive at work in record time leaving you two minutes to spare, your boss ‘Trev’ walks over wiping the grease off his hands, “Cutting it fine today kiddo” he playfully scalds, “Yeah sorry Trev, I had a bad night sleep, slept through my alarm” you apologise. He takes a step closer evaluating your face, your eyes were slightly puffy, voice slightly hoarse “You ok kid? You know we’re a family here? You can talk to me” he asks “Yeah I’m fine honest” you give a tight lipped smile.

“Ok well you’ve got two service's today and an exhaust change. Then your free to go party with your girls” he laughs doing a little jig as he talks. You huff a laugh, he’s a good guy Trev, 56 years old and known your dad his whole life, after you finished auto mechanics in collage, he’d given you an apprenticeship at his shop. Helping you become the mechanic you are today, it had always been what you’d wanted to do, hoping one day you’ll open your own restoration shop. But Trev was a good friend of your dads and he was glad to have you, his wife Hanna ran the reception and the books. Together they had taken you under their wing, and you were very grateful to them. Their son Calvin also worked as a mechanic at the shop, he was a few years older than you, but you’d known him in school. He was a nice guy too, the whole family were good people.

“You got it Trev, I’ll make a start then” you reply, making your way into the shop. You got through your work quickly, finishing by 3pm. Once home you showered scrubbing off the muck and grease from the day, before starting to get ready for your night out. Choosing a black dress which hit just above the knees, nude tights and a pair of small heeled black irregular choice shoes, they were your favourite, little cut out hearts and red roses up the sides.

The gave yourself some smokey eyes, red lips and curled your hair into soft waves. Spraying a large amount of your perfume on you gave yourself a once over, I don’t look half bad you thought all things considering. Checking your alarm clock it was 6pm maddie would be by any moment, her boyfriend driving so you girls can drink. You grab your clutch bag and head downstairs. “You look nice Princess, you looking forward to your night out?” Your dad asks.

“Yes! Lord knows I need it dad, it’s been quite the week” you admit. A horn beeps outside “That’s my ride dad, don’t wait up ok?” “Alright be safe kiddo” he calls out as you walk out the door.

You throw yourself at Maddie squeezing her in a huge hug, “Happy birthday babe” you laughed. “Thanks! You excited?” She replies. “Yeah it should be good! I need a good drink that’s for sure!” You stressed. “Oh no! Tell me everything!” Maddie urged. “I will don’t worry” you reply. Checking your clutch you realise you’ve left your phone in your glove box, where it’s been sat all day. “Oh shit! I’ve left my phone in my car! One second” you gasp running to your car quickly fishing out your phone, and shoving it in your bag. Jogging back you leap into Maddie and Shane’s car, you were so ready for this night!

————————————————————————

Meanwhile Joel was going out of his mind, he’d sent you four messages today. One you’d read the other three you hadn’t even opened. He stared at his phone, your conversation stream up ….

“Hey darlin, please call me we can fix this xx” ~ read

“I miss you, please message me back xx” ~Delivered

“It’s 2pm sweetheart and I haven’t heard from you, can you just let me know your ok? Please darlin xx” ~Delivered

“Have a nice time out tonight darlin, maybe we can talk tomorrow? I can come get you, take you out for lunch?xx” ~Delivered

Why haven’t you read them, let alone reply, it was driving him crazy. Maybe he just needed to give you some space until tomorrow, hopefully by then you’d calmed down, and you could talk about this. He sits down on the sofa placing his head in his hands, this was killing him. He needed to tell you how he feels, tell you he loves you and you two can work through this. ‘What a mess’ he groans.

————————————————————————

You were already on your third drink, knocking them back like they were water. “Woah girl! Slow down, we have all night. Come on tell me what’s happened?” Maddie asks her voice raising a few octaves over the loud music. “Come on Mads it’s your big night, let’s not talk about this today, what did Shane get you for your birthday?” You ask trying to change the topic. “No no don’t change the subject on me babe, I’m your best friend that won’t work, spill!” She demands. “Joel and I broke up” you muttered, you tried to sound unbothered but deep down you knew you were bottling it up, pushing it down, trying to not deal with it. Maddie gasps “What! My god, I really thought you two would make it” she admits. “Yeah well reality of the situation hit, and I realised it couldn’t work, we are lying to my dad. I mean Joel’s his best friend Mads, this whole thing was wrong” you explain. Maddie was the only person you’d told about Joel, you knew you could trust her to keep it to herself, and you needed someone to tell. You needed someone to know so Joel didn’t feel like a dirty little secret.

“I just can’t believe it, you’ve been together over six months at this point hunni, I thought you’d tell your dad and be settled down within the next year” Maddie claimed. “Really!” You gasp ‘tell your dad?? Is her head screwed on’ you think.

“Well yeah you clearly love him, and your dad is a good guy, I think he’d grow to respect your choice. He knows Joel’s a great guy” Maggie shrugs. Your left astounded, you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out, ‘Love him?’ Do you love him? Yeah you do, but this can’t happen any longer, your dad wouldn’t just be ok with this. Joel has been in your life since you were 14, he’d watched you with Sarah when your dad had to run into work. His own daughter was only five years younger than you!

“I need another drink, you want another?” You ask Maddie. She gives an exasperated sigh “No I’m good” she replies holding up her half full drink, you nod and make your way over to the bar.

Whilst waiting at the bar a guy scoots in next to you, sparing glances in your direction. “Can I buy you that drink?” He asks, you look up at him and he’s not bad looking, dark blonde hair and blue eyes. But you find fault in the fact it’s not the big brown puppy dog eyes your used too, he doesn’t have all that patchy scruff you like to run your rands through, in short he’s not Joel. “No thanks” you reply, looking forward again, “Suit yourself” the guy says before walking off, you find yourself relieved he does, he doesn’t push it and your grateful of that. Walking back to your table drink in hand Kelly pulls you along to the dance floor “Come on dance with me!!” She pleads “Ok ok” you laugh, finally letting loose and having some fun.

Joel startles awake from a knock at the front door, when had he fallen asleep? He checks his phone again ‘no notifications’ he exhales 9:30pm, who would be at his door this late. Getting up he opens the door to find your dad standing on his porch “Hey Ray, what you doing here at this time?” Joel mumbles, voice laced with sleep. “Sorry Joel, did I wake you? My kitchen extraction fan is making an awful noise, I can’t sleep with it squeaking like that, and my screwdriver head is too big, I thought you may have one that fits?” You dad explains. “Yeah I’ll grab my tool box, n’ I’ll come over and fix it I ain’t got nothin else to do” Joel replies.

Back at your house Joel has the extraction fan in bits, as your dad hands him a beer, “Thanks for this man, you didn’t have to come though I could have fixed it” you dad mused. Joel raises his eyebrows giving your dad the ‘really’ look. “Yeah yeah alright, maybe not” he laughs. “How’s Sarah doing at college?” “Yeah good, she came for breakfast this morning, she’s excited about a project she has coming up. It’s good to see her so passionate.” Joel gushed, he always lights up when talking about his daughter, Sarah is his world. “She’s all grown up, you must be super proud of her man” you dad replies sipping on his beer. “Yeah I still have a hard time accepting that she’s 20 now, grown up, moved out and living on her own two feet!” Joel replies.

“Well maybe it’s time you move on with your life huh, maybe start dating? There’s some nice single women in our neighbourhood.” You dad asks, genuinely looking out for his friend. “Not interested, trust me I have enough goin’ on in my life, Tommy is still a full time job on his own, and the companies busy, lots of contracts comin’ in and I have Sarah.” Joel admits “Plus maybe you should take your own advice and find someone, your not getting any younger” Joel’s jests laughing at your dads unimpressed face. “Hey your only six years younger than me! If I’m old your old too!” Your dad smirks. Joel then holds his hands up in mock surrender, before placing the cover back onto the extractor fan. “There all fixed, no more squeaking” Joel confirms. “Thanks man, I owe you one”.

On the way home Joel’s phone buzzes in his pocket, he almost wrecks his truck swerving to the side while frantically trying to get the device out of his pants. Only to be bitterly disappointed, it was from Tommy.

“Hey big bro, I need to call in tomorrow and grab a pair of your hiking boots, I have a date! :)”

“Jesus” Joel groans, he’s loosing it big time.

————————————————————————

You wake up late morning a little hungover but not feeling too bad, nothing got too crazy last night and after drink number 4 Maddie cut you off. She claimed it was her birthday and she wanted everyone conscious to enjoy the dancing. It was the right move, as your emotions were too all over the place and you may have done something stupid.

You turn on your phone for the first time in 24 hours, when suddenly all the notifications start pinging through. Four messages from Joel, you open the chat up and read the first few. Tears well up in your eyes, you miss him too so much, this is the longest you’d gone without talking to him in six months.

Your pulled away from the messages by a loud banging at your door, you pad your way down the stairs opening the door, confused as it was Calvin “Thank god your your in! I’ve messed up big time, the Chevy truck we had in is being picked up first thing tomorrow and I’ve cut through the cam belt, which has lead to the water pump breaking and I can’t get it done by myself! And I can’t tell dad he will kill me. He told me to be careful like 8 times and I brushed him off” Calvin babbles out so fast you struggled to keep up.

“Woah ok ok, come in” you close the door behind him. “Give me five minutes to get decent and I’ll come help, the kitchen is through there” you point “Make us coffee we are gonna need it” you reply. You quickly throw some scruffy clothes on that you usually decorate or dye your hair in, as your work overalls are in the wash. Then bound down the stairs, Calvin is ready with two cups of coffee in your reusable take out mugs. “Perfect, come on let go fix this” you propose. “Thank you so much for this! I owe you big time!” Calvin replies. “It’s no bother I didn’t have anything else planned for today” you write your dad a quick note explaining what has happened and where you’ll be, before walking out your door and locking up. “We can go in my car I’ll drop you back after?” Calvin asks. “Sure” you reply.

Little did you know Joel was watching from afar, his heart breaking all over again. Thinking the guy had stayed over after your night out, he couldn’t believe it, how could you move on so fast? Here he was completely in love with you, and you were already sleeping with another guy. He checks his phone again, still no messages from you, but you’d read all his still ignoring him. This was it he’d lost you, all because he couldn’t just man up and tell the people who cared about you both that you were together.

————————————————————————

You had helped Calvin fix the car in record time, you serviced it too, making sure it was good to go tomorrow. “Please be careful from now on Cal, I don’t like to hide things from your dad, he’s been good to me.” You explain. “No I’ll tell him, now it’s fixed and he won’t panic, he will be calmer. I won’t hide it from him.” He responds. “Thank you Cal, I appreciate that”. Checking your phone it was 5pm, you had no new messages from Joel, but you read his last one, he was going to come get you for lunch? You weren’t even there, we must be worried sick by now, you haven’t replied once. The weekend has just kinda swept away from you. “Hey Cal can you drop me off at another address please? I need to pop in on a friend” you ask. “Yeah of course” Calvin replies.

Pulling up outside Joel’s you thank Calvin before exiting his car and waving him off, taking a deep breath you knock on the door. After a few moments you hear footsteps approaching, the door opens and a very tired looking Joel is standing there, gosh he looks awful, puffy eyes, dark bags under his eyes and his curls messy, sticking up in every direction. “Hi Joel” you speak, but it comes out as more of a sob. Your eyes start leaking, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so sad, and it’s your fault. “Hey, shouldn’t you be with your new boyfriend? Or was it a one night thing” he sneers. “Joel what are you talking about?” You ask genuinely confused as to why he thinks this.

“Don’t lie to me!” he snaps, voice raised.

You recoil slightly, he had never shouted at you before, he’s obviously upset and you don’t understand at all.

“Joel I really don’t know what your going on about.” You reply bottom lip quivering, all you want to do is hold him right now.

“I saw you today, about 11:30am, leaving your house with some guy, coffee in your hands so he obviously stayed over, I’m guessing you really did have fun last night huh” he scoffed.

You visibly relax, realising his mistake. He’d seen Calvin this morning. “Ok Joel I need you to listen to me, I have not slept with anyone else. That guy this morning was Calvin as in my bosses son Calvin” you explain, Joel frowns now he’s the confused one.

“He came over just 10 minutes before we left, he’d fucked up with a truck at work, managed to slice the cambelt and break the water pump, the owner is coming for it first thing tomorrow and he was panicking asking for my help. I told him to make coffee while I went and changed, I couldn’t wear my overalls as they are in the wash ready for Tuesday. Look at my top Joel I'm covered in motor oil, I was just helping a friend.” He examines you seeing you are right, you’re covered in oil and grease, black stains all over your sweats and T-shirt. Even a smear down your left cheek, he cups it trying to gently rub the mark away. You lean into his touch “I’ve missed you” he whispers “I’ve missed you too Joel, so much” he forces you into his arms then, and closes his front door. Cupping your face he pulls you in for a deep kiss conveying all his feelings into it, only breaking apart when the need for oxygen becomes too much.

“I love you sweetheart” Joel confesses, your eyes snap to his in shock, but all you see is complete sincerity. “I love you too” you whisper, a large grin appears on his face and his lips meet yours once more, this time it’s more passionate, tongue meeting yours it’s hungry and all consuming. His hand grabs your hip, pulling you flush against him before sliding down to grab your thighs “jump” he instructs, and you do. Joel carries you up to his bedroom, lips never leaving yours until he throws you onto his bed.

“Joel my clothes are filthy!” You whine.

“You won’t be in them long” he teased.

He pulls you to the end of the bed by your legs, then proceeds to pull your sweatpants and underwear off in one swoop. You sit up and pull your T-shirt over your head and impatiently pull at his, signalling for him to do the same. Joel smirks at you “Someone’s eager” he laughs “I’ve missed you” you state, he notices the sad look that briefly crosses your face. “Hey baby girl look at me, I’m here, I’m not going nowhere. We are in this together now, and I’m not giving you up, Not ever” Joel conveyed.

Relief floods your body and you pull him down on top of you, mouth finding his again. Using your feet you push his sweatpants down and off, lifting your hips you grind against him, smearing your wetness against his hard cock. “Need you Joel” you whimper, “Ok darlin” he begins kissing you down your jaw gently sucking on your pulse point. One of his hands moves down your stomach to your folds, gathering your slick and rubbing your clit, you throw your head back letting out a loud moan. It felt so good to finally have him back like this but you needed more, “Joel I need you inside me now please” you whine “Ok I got you” he breathed, removing his hand from you he takes himself and lines up with your entrance, before pushing in lips finding yours once more.

Giving you a minute to adjust he takes your hand lacing his fingers with yours, resting them beside your head, you give your hips a roll signalling for him to move. Joel starts thrusting slow and deep “Fuck you feel so good baby girl” he groans, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, leaving sloppy kisses in his wake. He Takes in your scent, how soft your skin feels and ingrains it into his memory. He never wants to miss this again, never wants to be apart from you again. He brings his brown eyes to meet yours, they are so full of love and devotion, sweat starts beading on his forehead and his hips begin to pick up speed. “Tell me again sweetheart please” he begs, and you know exactly what he needs to hear “I love you Joel, fuck I love you soo much” you confess, “Shit I love you baby” he moans.

“I’m so close” you whine, Joel brings his thumb to your clit and starts rubbing tight circles, “Let go for me darlin’, fuck come for me baby I’m right behind you” Joel groans. Your pussy clenches the familiar feeling coursing through you, blinding hot pleasure as you come. You arch your back, throwing your head back as you chant his name over and over, “Shit” he whimpers stilling above you, cock pulsing as he empties himself deep inside you.

He rests his forehead against yours while you both come down from your highs. Stroking your hair away from your sweaty forehead, you whimper when he pulls out, already missing the contact “I know baby I know, let’s get you cleaned up yeah?”, you nod half dazed.

Later, while snuggled up in bed together Joel shifts his weight onto his side facing you. “We need to tell him sweetheart, your dad, we need to tell him, and damn the consequences” he sighed, running his thumb gently down the swell of your cheek.

“Yeah I know, I’ve been thinking that too, tomorrow?” You ask. “Yeah ok baby girl, tomorrow it is” Joel kissed the crown of your head pulling you into his chest, ‘I damn hope this goes ok’ he ponders, but he can’t imagine that it will.

————————————————————————

Your currently sat outside your house in the passenger seat of Joel’s truck, your nerves are shot, leg bouncing up and down. Joel bless him is watching you not knowing what to say, taking your hand off your bouncing knee he places a kiss to the palm. “We have to go in at some point darlin’, we’ve been sat here fifteen minutes. He is going to notice my truck soon” Joel reasoned.

“Yeah yeah, I know I just can’t bring myself to move” you begin biting your nails now, Joel pulls your hand away from the assault with a sigh, before opening his door and leaving the truck. Ten seconds later your door opens “Come on baby let’s go” he motions, generally coaxing you out of the truck. “Fine but if he throws me out, I’ll have nowhere to go but yours Joel, you’ll be stuck with me forever” you quip, “Sweetheart I’d love nothing more” he confesses. “Your gaze hastily finds his “Really?” You breathe, “Really, come on” he pulls you to the front door and pushes it open.

Your dad looks up from the paper he was reading “Hey kiddo, how did the disaster at the shop go? You fix the truck in time?” He trails off before noticing Joel “Joel? Hey what are you doin’ here buddy? Did I forget something? We have plans?” Your dad asks confused. “Hey Ray, no you didn’t forget anything, we actually have something we need to tell you” Joel relays his voice careful. Your dad frowns, clearly noticing some tension here and Joel’s nervous tone.

“Dad, Joel and I are dating, it’s been just over six months. And and” you stammer “It’s something we couldn’t keep from you anymore” you continue, watching your dads face waiting for some reaction. He turns to Joel “You’re dating my daughter?” He asks his voice assertive, he sounded pissed and your heart starts pounding. “Yeah I am” Joel confirms “But this isn’t us just messing around, I’m in love with her Ray, I love your daughter very much, and I can only imagine how much you want to hit me right now, but I can promise you I will always treat her right, however I can not, will not stay away from her Ray I just can’t. She’s become everything to me and I can’t live without her now” Joel expressed.

Finally your dad looks at you,

“You’re happy?” He asks “Yeah dad, Joel makes me very happy, and it’s true I love him too” you reply.

“Ok” he sighs

“Ok!??” You and Joel both repeat at the same time, absolutely astounded.

“Well your both adults, I can’t exactly stop you, and I don’t want to loose my daughter. I can’t say I understand this, but I know your a good man Joel, I know if you say you love my daughter your being honest. But if you ever hurt her, I will shoot you”

“Understood” Joel responds

“Ok then, well as we all have the afternoon off I suggest we order some takeout and watch the game, Joel grab some beers from the garage will ya” your dad asks. “Sure” Joel agrees, disappearing down the hall.

Your dad then pulls you into a hug, taking you by surprise. He wraps his arms around you securely “Your definitely happy yeah?” “Yeah dad I’m very happy” you reply hugging him just that bit tighter “Good” he nods.

Yeah you think to yourself, everything’s going to be ok.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #dbf joel x reader #dbf!joel #dbf joel miller #dads best friend joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller age gap #joel x reader #the last of us #joel tlou

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imfinereallyy · 10 months

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another birthday bit, unrelated to earlier, but something I wrote on my birthday. it’s a bit sad, I’m sorry.

There is an empty space on the couch.

There is an empty space on the couch between Dustin and Mike. The light from the window touches it gently. Making the Byers-Hoppers worn leather couch glow a soft brown. The house is filled with noise and chatter; a happiness that was once lost resides here.

Steve Harrington turns 24, and there is empty space on the couch.

Steve knows Max wouldn’t have sat there. That spot is not reserved for her. She would have sat on the floor between El’s legs while El brushed her hair softly with her fingers, or she would have draped herself over the edge of Lucas’ chair, teasing him with her head hooked on his shoulder.

Steve aches. He sees her in the missing pieces sometimes. A space in the car, a hand grasping at nothing, a laugh when there has only been silence. As if they are all moving in the same ways they did years before, not filling in the holes, just moving forward with gaping parts of themselves.

The house is full of noise, and love, and laughter. Robin leans her head on the tops of Steve’s knees, her hand braiding away at the new friendship bracelet she’s making him. He gets one every birthday. Will and El are drawing on a giant birthday card that Steve knows he’ll hang in his dingy apartment. Nancy and Erica are chattering away in the corner about something that will make Steve’s head spin, he’s sure. Everyone is here; everyone is safe. Steve thinks sometimes he will lose this; they will all push him away. But they come back time and time again. Except…

It’s Steve’s 24th birthday, and there is an empty space on the couch.

Steve Harrington is 24 years old, and Eddie Munson never makes it past twenty. And there is a space, that really isn’t his, but is there for him anyway.

Steve grieves.

He knows it’s unfair. Steve didn’t really know him. They were only ever sideways of each other. Paths crossed one another but never at the same time. A distance in a small place.

Steve feels bad at times, knows they could have done great things. Lead their friends on their strange journeys. Made each other better. He believes that they were more similar than they once thought. Different sure, but would have understood each other somehow.

Steve thinks they were kinda like stars in the same galaxy. Both shine brightly, both guide the way, but too far apart to say goodbye when the other burns too quickly.

When Steve had known him, it was temporary. Eddie had been a temporary person in the life of Steve Harrington. It isn’t a bad thing per se, but an unfortunate truth. Their time together was, although not very long, is held closely to Steve. It was important.

Steve thinks it’s unfair that he gets all the time; he gets all this time to waste, and be happy about it. Angry. Sad. Steve gets to feel, and Eddie gets an empty space.

Steve hears someone’s laugh from across the room. He wants to hold it in his hands and bottle it up, put it on a shelf for safekeeping. It’s not as rare as it used to be, time heals some things, but he finds it makes him want it more. Keep it close. The kids, who are not kids, shout and scream and yell, “Steve, you be the tiebreaker!”. There is never silence, only sounds, so they never really see the gaps that remain.

But Steve thinks about the smile Eddie had once sent his way. The slight tick of the lip into laugh lines. Steve craves for that moment again. Not because it meant anything, not because it held some secret. But because it was good, and Steve at the time didn’t really know much of that.

Steve knows, if the space on the couch was filled, Steve would be in love.

Their time together doesn’t prove this, he knows and is not delusional, but Steve can feel it in his gut.

At times, you meet a person and realize they are going to stick around for a while. And other moments, you meet someone and don’t notice that you were meant to know them until your chance has passed.

There are instances you meet someone, and you feel as if you should say “Hello again.” Even though you are meeting for the first time.

Steve can’t help but notice more time has passed since he left, then the the amount of time he knew him.

Steve knows it’s selfish. It’s selfish to grieve something that was never his, to grieve the idea of a person. But he can’t help the mourning that comes when he wakes. He can’t help but think there is a laugh he is supposed to know, like his favorite song. He can’t help but think, Eddie Munson should have made it to 24.

Steve can tell the rest miss him, even the ones who didn’t know him. There was a role Eddie was supposed to fill, a balance thrown off by his absence. Steve sometimes catches them all trying to put the pieces back together of a ghost. They’ll take his old clothing from Wayne, read a book left on his nightstand, and tap their fingers to the beat of a song Eddie once knew. It feels like they are all trying to build him from scratch.

The party sings Steve happy birthday; they try to squeeze all the candles on it. Hopper yells at them, tells the kids it’s a fire hazard, but makes no move to stop them. The boys are yelling to wish for things they want. The girls, El, tells him to wish for love. Jonathan takes a photo of him blowing out his candles. Robin squeezes his hand.

I wish I could have known.

They cut the cake; they spread out again. This time Lucas sits on the edge of his chair, like he’s leaving space for only one person to come back and sit. No one makes a move to share with him. There is an empty space on the couch. The sun no longer touches it; only the warm lamp light reaches its corners.

Steve doesn’t think he knew Eddie Munson very well, but he likes to believe that Eddie would have liked this. He would have liked the noise. He would have liked a mismatched family. He would have liked celebrating a meaningless birthday of a friend he didn’t have. Steve likes to think they wouldn’t have been friends for long. He knows, somehow, Eddie would have loved him too.

There is an empty space on the couch. Steve doesn’t plan on filling it anytime soon.

***

Sorry for any of the tense changes or mistakes, this was more of a stream of thought piece. It’s bittersweet.

#steddie #Steve likes to sit in the bitter sweetness #hurt/no comfort #but like #also a little #hurt/comfort #angst #Steve Harrington #stranger things #Eddie Munson #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #Robin Buckley #the party stranger things #my writing #birthday blues #sad boi hours

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loganlostitall · 8 months

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Talking to the Moon

Rating: 13+

Word count: Just under 3.5k

Characters: Judith Grimes, Negan Smith (NOT A SHIP!!!!!!); mentions of Carl, Rick, Michonne, Carol, Enid, and R.J.

Setting: Alexandria, post 6 year jump

Content Warnings: sibling grief, talks of death, a little bit of suicidal ideation in here too I think, vulgarity, light talk of typical TWD violence, just lots of sad. Sorry. Fluffy ending tho!

Summary: Judith is getting older, and it’s not fair that Carl isn’t.

Author’s Note: Okaaayy so I really did not want the first piece I published on here to be an angsty vent but life kinda decided to bodyslam me (as usual) so anyways have this lol. I spent all day yesterday writing this in between crying fits and I’m only finishing it now.. oopsie whoopsies. A little context I guess, my older brother was shot and killed 5 years ago, and in 5 years I will be older than he got to be. That’s heavily implemented in here, as well as just the majority of Judith’s dialogue being my own thoughts/feelings. Sometimes it just hits you again, man. My therapist likes me to write it out 🤷🏻 I’m workin on other stuff that isn’t like this so pls bear w me y’all 😭🙏🏽

Beta’d by @murdadixon as alwayysss

Midnight marked her 10th birthday.

She liked to keep track of time in intervals of five. R.J. was currently an interval of 5. He died at an interval of five. She was reaching an interval of 5 herself, right now. In a demi-decade, she would encounter the age he’d never passed; and in a decade, she would be 5 years older than he’d ever be. Five felt significant, and she did not—she simply felt like her brother’s stand-in.

Judith sat on the edge of the wooden boardwalk with her legs drawn up to her chest and both arms wrapped around her knees, chin rested atop them, and stared blankly at the water source before her. Tried to mimic its stillness. But she disrupted it, instead, because the tears swimming in her brown eyes splattered down and sent ripples coursing across the surface, growing larger the further they fanned out and expanded.

That was, similarly, how missing Carl felt. At the start, it was a heavy impact, it obliterated the calmness, and as the years blazed past, it got further away and yet simultaneously… bigger. How could something shrink and grow? How could she grow, every day; and yet consistently feel as if she were being pushed back, made smaller? Small enough to be back in his arms again, like before, like that final night she knew him.

She would appreciate his last words this time. She would wrangle her brain up into her juvenile hands and pin it down to carve them over the top of her damn hippocampus to keep them there; even if it did mean her blood got everywhere, even if it meant she lost all the rest of her cognitive function. Truthfully, she did not want to function this way. Being medically brain dead would be a graciousness. Or maybe just being bit.

Feeling the fever Carl did would unite them in a way.

The panels beside her creaked recognizably, a familiar gait and stride, and Judith’s fingers twitched to move instinctively for a gun she knew she wouldn’t brandish. The scuffed tips of two large black boots entered her peripheral vision but she did not turn her gaze.

“Hey there, Miss Grimes.”

Negan sat in a loose mirror of Judith’s position—he struggled with holding his legs in exactly the same manner and had to improvise considerably. He got himself comfortable with his legs toward his chest but with a short gap between his thighs, toes pointing outward instead of inward as Judith’s were, and both forearms crossed above his knees to lie his head upon.

“Don’t really like water, kid, but I’m diving in there after ya if you jump, so please don’t, alright? For me?”

The preteen wiped her right cheek against her bicep and tilted her head to rest the left cheek against the adjacent knee and look at her guest. Her eyes weren’t really seeing him, but she was trying to acknowledge the fact that he’d joined her. “How’d you get out?”

He ignored that she ignored his question and instead plastered on the usual grin, even if the edges were heavy and worn down, and lifted a finger to his smile.

Shhhh, it’s a secret. It went without saying.

“I should shoot you. I brought my gun,” she pestered, poking a bear with a stick. Only, this bear was a puppy. And the humor behind the words didn’t reach her tone.

He decided not to address her monotony.

“Mmhmm. Right.”

“I would.”

“I know,” he grinned again, more genuinely, and his side administered a dull throb almost out of nostalgia. She had, in fact, shot him. He wouldn’t challenge that.

There were only a few moments that went without speech. Judith found herself gazing ahead again, tapping her right cowgirl boot without tempo because it was simply to alleviate the odd, incessant gnawing in her gut that screamed to bounce her leg, or else.

“Why don’t I get to have a word?” she blurted out, albeit quietly, almost unaware that Negan could not read her mind and was clueless to what she really meant. The man hummed questioningly as if to say ‘continue,’ and Judith finished verbalizing the thought. “I mean… mom’s a widow, and you’re a widower. Enid is an orphan. Aunt Carol is a v- vi..lo..mah, she lost her daughter Sophia.” The young girl struggled on the pronunciation momentarily before returning to the point. “But what am I? Just… a kid who lost a brother? Don’t I deserve a word? Doesn’t Carl? I think he deserves more than one. I would give him them all.”

In truth, Negan would not have heard the second half of her statement had they not been knee-to-knee. Even from only having a view of the profile of her face, he could tell that she was fighting back the need to cry. The intensity with which she swallowed, the twitch of the corners of her frown, her small nostrils flaring. She was probably also avoiding allowing her voice to crack.

Kids don’t ever deserve to feel this way. Adults can hardly even cope with loss. He’d seen it sometimes before, the occasional teen with swollen eyes and dark circles wordlessly offering him a slip with a small, rectangular obituary card stapled to the top left corner to excuse a few days of absence after the passing of a parent, guardian, or otherwise crucial family member. And similar to now, he truly tried his best… when it came to situations like that. It was hard—shit, it still is hard, but after eventually grasping that what most of them wanted was to just be heard (and not to be told that a kick-ass exercise routine could distract a weak mind, or about how being a pussy didn’t get you pussy), he’d take his attendance and approach again with a juniors mitt and baseball to throw at the wall and catch while they cried, screamed, shook, even dissociated some of them. He’d never been a great man, or honestly even a kind teacher; Savior Negan essentially just carried on acting as he had before Lucille’s confrontation, diagnosis, and passing; but the kids who saw through him loved him. When the rest loathed to hear ‘Mr. Smith,’ though no one was to blame for that but himself. To the damaged kids, the whole façade of coolness he tried to upkeep around his classes was utter horseshit because they found him badass when he let them bitch about things without taking to the nearest phone as a mandatory reporter.

Judith was, arguably, the most mature ten year old with significant trauma that he’d ever sat with. Children that young hadn’t been his area of work, really, but there were a handful of times one of his high school students had to drag along a little sibling because they’d emancipated after the death of the only responsible parent, were granted custody of the kid, and the younger had a day off. Other stories, heavily similar or drastically different, with the same outcome. Judith was more put together than half of the seniors that had dished their shit out on him. In a strictly militant world and with no empire turning to him for guidance, there was no excuse to be assertive around her age bracket. He would tell her she was strong, that she was an Amazon warrior who could brave anything and then have to explain Wonder Woman comics, but the probability was massive that she could only grasp some variation of control over herself in these heavy moments because life now held a sickening promise that anything could be marred with a streak of blood. That you have to always be ready to mourn.

So fucked up.

His prior internal assessment to remain silent and give her more time to process her feelings into words proved correct when Judith turned her head back in his direction again with more to express to him.

“Dad isn’t here anymore to tell me what Carl was like at my age. Or tell me stories about before everything got bad. And mom wasn’t around for all that stuff. But even if she was, I- I hate always hearing about him from other people. About how they won’t ever get to see him grow up. Why does everyone else get to remember my brother? Why doesn’t anybody care that I gotta know he’s not watching me grow up anymore? I want to remember Carl on my own, but I was too little!” Her delicate voice shattered beneath the weight of her last sentence, and the way her eyebrows were flying into all different angles on her face betrayed that her developing mind didn’t know what to do with the guilt that ignited furiously behind her ribs for seemingly such a selfish notion. It was a vicious fact that Judith almost never understood what she was feeling, not acutely.

But, she trusted Negan. He’d told her things that no one else had cared to let her know. About Abraham. About Glenn. About Sasha, Denise, uncle Daryl. Everyone she loved had been damaged by him in some way, but… they’d all together affected him, too.

Maybe he changed. Or maybe he’d been keeping this Negan safe. Whatever the case, here he was, out of his cell, not even allowing his knee to bump her own.

This man had killed people? He was the kindest one here to her. Especially when it came to stuff like this. Other Alexandrians always dismissed her; she didn’t have any “adult” problems worth sparing their time for. How could the big bad wolf be so tame?

Judith wiped both of her eyes and straightened her left leg out halfway. “If… if Carl hadn’t got bit, what do you think things would be like now?”

And that question certainly beckoned an answer. He had been allowing her to talk as much as she felt necessary tonight, content to simply sit quietly and be an ear for the little girl as she often was for him. His skull would have been split open on one of those prison walls years ago had it not been for his little window and Judith’s spark of rebellious humanity.

Negan responded honestly, as was always the case with her. “I woulda killed every last one of these dickwipes, and brought you and Carl back to the Sanctuary with me. I don’t kill kids. But I don’t think your brother would have been too crazy about that. Nah, with those titanium balls of his, he would have taken me down, torn all of my people apart limb from fuckin’ limb. Yeah…,” he peered down at Judith, who was just watching him with her elbow on her extended knee and her cheek rested on her palm. No signs of distress. He continued on. “Yeah, Prick thought he was a badass, but Carl? Well, he was the real badass. Anybody could’a killed me, my bet was on him. Catch me off guard, I wouldn’t have fought back. I think he would have stocked one of my big ass trucks with everything he needed and taken off with you knowing he won. But he also would have lost everything.”

Now, Judith’s energy had shifted back into that murky cloud it had resembled before. Not entirely, but to a noticeable degree. Negan cursed under his breath.

“Did I scare you talking abou-”

“You think Carl would have raised me all on his own? You really think he would have done that?”

“Oh, I know it,” Negan nodded adamantly, without aggressive urgency, and chipped a piece of plastic from the aglet of his shoelace to chuck into the water. “Carl loved you more than anyone else, I think.”

A brittle, cracked sob drew his attention immediately to the little girl beside him, left hand reaching out to comfort on instinct and then hovering uselessly between them. Judith gave her permission with action instead of words; turning her legs off to the side to be able to roll onto her right hip and notch herself against Negan’s side. She rested her head against his knee and old tears from her cheek seeped through the thin material of his jumper. The previously awkward arm dropped around her own and he settled for hanging his hand at an outward angle away from her body. He’d comfort the kid but any one of the adults here would send Michonne into a goddamned stroke by reporting that he’d made an attempt against her daughter's life by, say, scratching the back of her head. Some asinine bullshit. He wouldn’t risk it, and not because of himself. No, he’s a big boy and can handle his own conflicts. But Judith would get in so much unnecessary trouble.

After taking a minute to gather herself, Judith whispered, “I think I would have liked that better.”

“…What, Carl taking care of ya?” He queried. “Y’know that means you wouldn’t have your mom, or dad, or-”

“Mommies and daddies die before their kids do, or they’re supposed to. Siblings are- they’re supposed to be there the whole time you grow up, and after. You’re supposed to live your life together. And they’re not supposed to die before you mom and dad do.”

“Kid-”

“I want Carl. I’d give up anyone here to get him back.”

It proved remarkably difficult given how much taller he was than her, but Negan managed to make do. He tilted his neck to a sideways angle and rested his head on top of hers whilst fishing through his right pocket.

Judith peeked up at him. “What’re you doing? Are you gonna stab me for making you sad? I’ve still got my-”

“No. Don’t be nosey,” he goaded and even ventured so far as to stick his tongue out and wrinkle his nose. Her head dropped back down to his leg just as quickly as it rose, and Negan’s fingers closed around the surprise.

“Sounds like a candy wrapper…,” she mumbled, still too lost in her own head and the darkness residing.

Two bright blue pouches withdrew from his pocket, and his brown eyes traveled skyward. “Moon’s right above our heads now. Means it’s midnight. I got ya a gift.”

A second, smaller pair of brown irises gazed upon the same sky, and her bottom lip began to give way into trembles again so Negan damn near shoved the quite literally sweet present directly in front of her face.

Judith blinked, eyes focusing on the text in front of them that stood out violently against the package design. “What’s ‘Razzles?’” A small hand accepted the curious, but still exciting new treat, and read the yellow script surrounding the name at the top and bottom. “‘First it’s candy, then it’s gum’? What’s gum?”

Negan had already ripped his open. “You’re about to give me one fat ass kiss, Miss Grimes,” he mused delicately, tossing three colorful disks into his mouth.

His much younger counterpart followed suit, unsure of how to react while the candy crunched before a scintillating smile broke out across her face and two more pieces joined the first. “Where’d you get these?”

“…Okay, don’t laugh,” he deadpanned, and couldn’t help but smirk when Judith narrowed her eyes at him and raised an accusatory eyebrow, still blissfully chewing away. “I’ve gotta secret admirer.” He drew his shoulders up into a loose shrug, threw his hands out in a ‘surprise!’ gesture and dropped his mouth open to an overly enthused smile as the preteen choked on gum.

“WHAT?!? What do you mean?! Tell me, tell me!”

He wouldn’t comment on how much tension finally dissipated from his body and mind at the eager enthusiasm on Judith’s face. This had all been so… glum. “Don’t know, but they slip me goodies through the bars on the window. I asked Father Freaky for some paper to draw, keep my mind busy y’know, and left a note up there requesting a special birthday gift for my best friend. They got dropped in this morning.”

“So, someone here in Alexandria?” she asked, munching her way through her bag of sweets. There was a twinkle in her eyes, finally, so he’d entertain it.

He shrugged idly. “I’d assume so. I’ve got my fingers crossed there’s some freaky deaky coming my way!!”

“Oh, ew. There it is, you ruined this whole thing.” Judith pushed on the side of his knee with both hands to amass enough force to actually shove his leg over.

“Damn. This whole thing, huh?”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed, her mouth now so full of chewed up gray gum that speaking proved difficult.

Negan chomped down on a considerable number of candies all at once and reached for Judith’s own pack of Razzles. “Alright, I’ll just take this then, since I fucked up your birthday and all.” A deep, rumbling laugh burst forth from up out of his chest when the ten year old shouted ‘NO!!!’ and a huge wad of gum rolled out of her mouth to plink into the water and bob along to float elsewhere. The pout her bottom lip garnished was impressive and Negan glanced around to the houses in the distance behind them, all of the windows being dark with the quiet insinuation of sleep, to ensure the absence of scrutinizing eyes before taking one of Judith’s hands into his own to unload half the contents of his own candy until her palm was overflowing and a few stray pieces thumped down against the wood. Negan administered the 5 second rule with a quickness and claimed them for himself.

“Thanks,” she chimed faintly, and set about organizing the surplus of thin, cylindrical candies into separate groups of yellow, purple, orange, pink, and blue.

Negan tucked his hand back to his side and pointedly did not give any attention to the prominent droop Judith’s shoulders adopted afterward. He wondered fleetingly if anyone in town ever just… gave the kid a hug. “Ah, don’t worry about it. Really. It’s not like I went out and found these myself.” He pointed one of his own bits of candy at her and added, “Well, you can always just find my paramour and thank them yourself.”

She tilted her head back against his arm to smile up at him. “You just want me to get you deets. You have a crush on this person already, uncle Negan?”

“I’ll love anybody who gives me attention at this point,” he shrugged again, tone steady despite the admission. “Aren’t I hopelessly in love with you, Miss Grimes?”

Her braid swung and the sheriff’s hat far too oversized for her head shifted slightly out of place when she nodded. She tucked the intertwined strands of hair behind her ear after they fell into her face and tickled her nose. “I never hear mom say that she loves me.”

“Ah, she does.” He tapped a finger against his temple once he knew Judith was looking at him and would see it. “She’s got a lot going on up here. But I bet if you went up to Mich and told her first, she’d say it back.”

The young girl nodded again, though this motion was a simple, stiff jerk and only once. Drastically unlike the one he’d earned for himself just moments prior. Judith didn’t believe that Michonne really loved her, but she could easily surmise that he did. “Love you, too,” she murmured and a hefty sigh followed closely behind. Judith tapped the toes of her boots against the boardwalk and followed Negan’s offered instruction to bravely attempt blowing her first bubble. It snapped into a sticky disaster on her lips. The pair fell into a comfortable, innocent, expectationless silence. Negan eventually polished off the last of his candy and crumpled the wrapper up to tuck away into the pocket he retrieved it from, along with Judith’s once she’d finished her own. She was, reasonably, exhausted, and it didn’t take long for him to realize that Judith had drifted off leaning against him.

Next thing he knew, the clouds were graying and little hands were nudging his arm, accompanied by a sleep-slurred voice telling him to wake up. His legs were numb from having remained in the same seated position for what had to be at least a couple hours, but Negan still managed to get himself up into his feet and follow her along as she led the way to his cell. A sheepish smile and tired shrug was all he could muster when her eyes lingered on the lock and bobby-pin discarded haphazardly in the middle of the concrete. He took his place on his cot and watched the child close the bars behind him and slide the lock back into place.

Judith turned from him to walk away, but threw a drowsy smile over her shoulder and waved. And pointless as it was, he spoke after she’d left and her shadow had already passed by his solitary window.

“Happy birthday, kid.”

I think I get attached to characters like Negan who are dangerous and have soft hearts because that’s exactly what my brother was like.

I miss my Carl ❤️‍🩹

This is my first time writing for TWD, and the first work I’m posting in over 2 years, so I hope it’s good for y’all 🥺

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ave09 · 10 months

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birthday

han solo x reader

note: this one’s kinda cute. i have a cute indy birthday fic on the way, which i’ll probably post later today, and i’m working on another han one that’s gonna be a lil sad so be prepared

you were disappointed.

had they all forgotten?

the one day that you had been waiting for had finally arrived, and it seemed as though everyone around you had no clue about it.

you weren’t disappointed, you were hurt.

after all, you were the one who remembered everything.

every birthday, every holiday even if it was insignificant to you, despite it all, you would wish them a happy day and do all in your power to make it a special day for them.

and yet, on the one day, your day, there was nothing. you hadn’t expected anything grand of course, merely a “happy birthday” just some acknowledgment of your day.

and yet, the day was already almost over, and there was nothing. not even from leia, who you thought of all people would remember.

then there was han.

now, he was forgetful, it was just his way. but this was one thing that he never forgot. of course, he wasn’t good with planning things so it would never be some big party, but just a nice little gesture.

but you hadn’t seen him all day. you’d practically searched all of endor, even taking the time to ask some ewoks.

as night fell, you approached luke, “hey, have you seen han?” the blond shook his head, “haven’t seen him all day. but if i do, i’ll let him know that you’re looking for him.” you smiled softly, trying to mask your sadness.

“okay thanks.” you replied, turning to go, “hey!” you faced him again, “yeah?” luke sent you a kind smile, “happy birthday.”

happiness swelled in your chest. someone remembered. “thanks luke.”

you headed to you and han’s shared hut with a newfound joy. one person had acknowledged your day, and honestly, that one person was enough to change your day for the better.

as you were about to open the makeshift door, you paused, hearing bickering inside.

“han you idiot!”

“it’s not my fault!”

“how is it not your fault!? there’s glass all over the floor now!”

furrowing your brows, you probably pushed open the door, your eyes widening.

but it wasn’t the glass littering the floor that surprised you. it was the decorations. beautiful flowers, large and small, filled the small interior of the hut. intricately painted lanterns were set upon the small table.

these had not been here this morning.

leia and han whipped around, surprise written across their faces, “oh hey!” leia exclaimed, trying to act as normal as possible, but failing. “sweetheart-what, uh, what are you doing here?” han questioned, his voice riddled with anxiousness.

“you did this for me?”

“i know, it’s dumb, leia suggested it-“

“han actually was the one who wanted to do this.” leia corrected, glaring at the man. you shook your head lightly, approaching him, carefully avoiding the shards of glass on the floor, “it’s not dumb. i love it, han. i really do.”

a playful grin toyed on his lips, “yeah?”

“yeah.” you leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his lips. he smiled into it, deepening it slightly. “hey guys-“ luke paused as he caught sight of what was happening.

his jaw dropped. “leia, i thought you were joking!”

“why would i lie about this?”

you and han pulled apart, glancing at the siblings in confusion, “what are you talking about?” you questioned slowly.

leia crossed her arms over her chest, nodding toward luke, “skywalker now owes me some money.”

suddenly, it clicked.

“hold on a sec.. were you betting on us?”

the twins exchanged a mischievous look, “maybe.”

“you couldn’t have waited a week!” luke exclaimed, causing the room to erupt in laughter. han pulled you close, his arms hugging your waist as he rested his chin upon the top of your head, “no way kid, i’ve waited years for this.”

you smiled.

and that day, for the first time, you had spent your special day surrounded by everyone you loved.

your best friend, your ‘brother’, and the love of your life, oh, and chewie of course, although he was fashionably late.

and while the day had started off rough, this was one that you would remember for all of eternity.

and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

#harrison ford x reader #han solo #han solo imagine #han solo x reader #harrison ford #star wars imagine #star wars #return of the jedi #leia organa #luke skywalker #chewbacca #carrie fisher #mark hamill

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mackenzielovee · 2 years

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parenthood part sixteen: dissension

a/n: hello ! happy sunday and a super special happy birthday to @imobsessedsblog ! i hope your day is amazing! please leave me some love if you can and enjoy <3

warnings: swearing, heartbreak, tears

ambivalence masterlist , parenthood masterlist

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since you heard from Topper or Sarah. Not for lack of trying, of course. The day Topper left your house after the beach day, he’d been gone exactly three hours before you got a text from him. Two simple words, but enough to shatter your heart in two.

It’s over.

You’d responded immediately — and sent him about a thousand texts since then — but hadn’t heard a thing back. You also texted Sarah, who didn’t respond either. Rafe reached out to both of them as well, but only got radio silence in return. He’d also reached out to Rose and Ward in hopes that they’d know where Sarah is, at least, but they don’t.

The days turning into weeks of silence from your best friend only make you sad. He’s been your rock for years; getting you through every single challenge and there to offer a hug and a kiss on the cheek at the end of it. Now, when he needs you, he runs off.

You still text him everyday, and Rafe watches you from across the room as you stare at the screen full of unanswered text messages. Without even being asked, Rafe takes the brunt of the work for the kids while you wallow in your worry. You’re not surprised, but you are thankful, and you tell him so every night before you show him.

On the morning of the fifteenth day of no Topper, you climb out of your empty bed and stumble out into the kitchen to make coffee. Josie is asleep on the couch, which has become her routine with Rafe for the last few months. She gets up and comes downstairs before he leaves for his run just so she can give him a hug and a kiss before he goes. He claims it’s the best part of his day, knowing it would usually lead to a cute pout on your lips. Instead, you just give him half a smile and then get lost in your head again.

“Morning, baby.”

Rafe’s voice shocks you out of your head and you spin around, eyes raking over his sweaty body. He gives you a faint smile, as if trying to assess your mood.

“Morning,” you rasp, listening to the coffee maker come to a halt, “Your girl is asleep on the couch again.”

“No, my girl is standing in our kitchen, worrying to death about something she can’t control,” he corrects, raising a brow as he nears you, “Come here.”

Your lips tip up as you shake your head, “No. You’re all sweaty.”

“You’re afraid of a little sweat?”

“Kinda!” you cry, laughing when he throws himself around you anyway.

He chuckles and squeezes you tighter, pulling his head back so he can take you in. Once you stop squirming to break free, your eyes meet his and you furrow your brows.

“What?” you ask.

“Missed that smile,” he confesses.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, “I’m just worried about him.”

“I know, sweetheart. He’s probably taking this time to work out what he’s lost. He’s gonna need us soon, I know that.”

You nod, knowing Rafe’s right but not necessarily wanting to admit it. Instead, you cuddle into him and rest your chin on his sternum, puckering your lips for a kiss. He gives you one, and just as he starts to smile, you speak.

“I’m afraid,” you tell him, “I’m afraid something bad happened. Sarah’s always been a bit of a wild card, so I get this behavior from her. But, Top? He’s never disappeared this long. It has to be something major.”

“He’s okay,” Rafe says again, “He just needs some time.”

You just nod and bury your head into his chest, doing your best to let it go. You breathe Rafe in instead, letting him calm you down. It almost works, almost, when the sound of your sweet girl’s voice comes tearing through the house.

“Uncle Topper.”

Your eyes close under the two simple words. Rafe tenses against you, but lets his hand travel up and down your back to keep you calm.

“Josie, baby—” he starts, but her voice stops him.

“Uncle Topper’s outside!”

You perk up, yanking away from Rafe and meeting his eyes for a split second before you hurry out into the living room. Just as Josie had said, Topper slips into the house, using his key, and smiles when he sees Josie.

“Hi, my angel,” he greets her, lifting her up for a hug.

“Hi, Uncle Top,” she smiles, “Missed you.”

He purses his lips and nods, emotions evident at her words. You stand by the stairs and take him in with Rafe pressed to your back, sure he’s doing the same. He’s smaller somehow; his hair is a mess and he definitely hasn’t shaved since the last time you saw him. He looks hungover and sad, even as Josie paws at his stubble and leans in to give his jaw a kiss.

“I missed you, too,” he whispers.

For the first time since he entered, Topper looks up at you. It isn’t until you see his eyes that you realize how much he’s been going through in the last two weeks. He looks destroyed. Even worse, he looks as if he’s given up.

“Hey,” he says roughly, “Can we talk?”

You nod quickly, feeling your throat constrict as you swallow down your thousands of questions. Rafe’s hand meets your hip, and you watch as Topper tips his chin up at your husband.

“Let’s sit,” you speak, barely able to get the words out as you gesture toward the living room.

Rafe guides you down onto the couch while Topper settles into the armchair with Josie. She cuddles into his chest as if she can sense that something’s wrong, and you know it is when Topper pulls his wallet out of his pocket.

“Twelve hundred, right, Cameron?” Topper asks, fumbling with a handful of cash.

“What?” Rafe asks.

“Twelve hundred,” he repeats, tossing the pile of cash down on the coffee table in front of the two of you, “That’s how much you lent me for the ring. There it is.”

Your eyes widen as you look for Rafe for an explanation — one where he actually tells you that he lent money to Topper and you don’t have to hear about it after it clearly doesn’t work out. Rafe’s eyes close and he puffs out his cheeks, then slowly exhales.

“Why are you giving that back?” Rafe asks, still not willing to look at either of you.

Topper laughs, then leans forward and covers Josie’s ears with his palms, “Didn’t work out.”

Josie squirms and shoves Topper’s hands from her ears, then turns around and glares at him. To apologize, he leans forward and pecks her forehead.

Rafe’s eyes open then, but instead of facing the music with you, he keeps his eyes on Topper.

“Where’s my sister?”

Topper swallows, “Fuck, she’s— sorry, baby. Don’t say that word. She’s in Boston.”

Josie furrows her brows and sits up tall in his lap, reaching her hand up and petting his scuff the same way she was earlier. Rafe squirms uncomfortably, desperate to know more about why Sarah is in Boston and not here.

“Where’d you go?” Josie asks with the pout that makes Topper melt, “You left me.”

Immediately, Topper shakes his head, “I would never do that, Josephine. You’re my girl. My only girl.”

“What about Aunt Sarah?” she asks.

Topper’s eyes meet yours before he looks back at her, and you can tell he’s biting back the response he wants to give. Instead, he paints a fake smile on his face and pulls her closer.

“She wasn’t the one for me,” he explains, “But you know who is?”

She grins, “Me.”

“Correct,” he smiles, “And I promise, I will never leave you. Are we okay?”

She nods happily, standing up on his thighs to wrap her arms around his neck.

“I love you,” she says.

“I love you, too, angel.”

You shift in your seat, needing desperately to know what happened but not wanting to push him away from Josie. Rafe pats your leg, signaling that he’ll take Josie and leave the room while the two of you talk. You give him a small smile, and just as he stands, Connor comes down the stairs.

“Uncle Top!”

You sigh internally, but smile when you see Connor dive over the armchair and into Topper’s lap. Topper smiles and embraces him, immediately asking him how he is and to catch him up on everything. Rafe sits down again and puts his arm around you, kissing your temple gently as you accept waiting your turn.

By the time the kids calm down, you’ve had two cups of coffee and your leg continues to jump up and down. Topper looks over at you and sighs, then sits up and repositions Josie.

“Hey, angel, I’m gonna talk to your mom for a bit. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Josie looks over at you in hesitation, then nods, “Okay.”

You stand up when he looks over at you, then sets her down in the chair and stands from his seat. You stand too, giving Rafe a hesitant look before you squeeze his hand and follow Topper out to the deck.

Silently, the two of you sit down. You balance your half empty mug on your thigh and squirm, working up the courage to look over at him. He keeps his head down in his lap, hands gripping the arms of the chairs tightly.

“Did you get my messages?” you ask weakly.

“I did,” he replies, not looking up, “All thirty-two of them.”

You purse your lips to hide an embarrassed smile, watching him as his own mouth tips up at the ridiculous number.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“Don’t be. I was acting like a tool.”

You watch his eyes flicker up to yours, and before either of you can say another word, he gives you a real smile. You visibly relax in your seat at the sight of his smile, convincing yourself that maybe things aren’t as bad as you’ve been thinking up for the past hour.

“What’s in Boston?”

His jaw shifts as he exhales, “She got a job up there. Claims she wants to put her Communications degree to work in a place that’s not surrounded by water.”

“Oh,” you nod, “But, you’re not going with her?”

“Y/N,” he sighs, shifting in his chair and tucking his head into his hands, “It’s complicated.”

You lean forward, wrapping your hand around his forearm to pull his hands away. He looks over at you, his eyes swimming with tears, and sniffles.

“I can handle it. What happened, Top?”

He swallows roughly, staring at you for a moment before he speaks.

“We broke up,” he states bluntly, but you know he’s not through, “She’s pregnant.”

Your jaw drops as your heart sinks into your stomach, looking at him as if to find some silent explanation on how that news could lead to a breakup. When he doesn’t elaborate, you puff out your cheeks and exhale slowly.

“Why—I mean, what—”

“What does that have to do with us breaking up?” he guesses, shaking his head as he chuckles sarcastically, “Well, she’s pregnant, and she doesn’t want a baby. She says we’re not ready. She, uh, found out she was pregnant three weeks before she told me, then came to me with a pregnancy test and an adoption pamphlet.”

You swallow, “And you said—”

“I said,” he continues, “We’re getting married soon, and I’m scared, too, but we can do this. She said no, things escalated, and then she threw the ring at me.”

“Top,” you whine, “I’m so—”

“She’s keeping it,” he interrupts, “But she doesn’t want to be a mom. She said she’ll respect what I want if I respect what she wants, too. So, I’ve spent the last two weeks deciding between being a single parent or giving my child up to strangers.”

Your eyes well up with tears as you try to even imagine being put in such a place and coming out in a good headspace. You’re sure you’d look even worse than Topper does, and even that is being generous.

You reach out and grab his hand, covering it with both of your own. His jaw shifts as he holds back tears of his own, looking at you just as you start to cry.

“I’m so sorry, Topper. That’s a really tough position to be put in. Do you want to talk about it? Figure out your decision?”

He shakes his head, “I’ve made my decision.”

Your throat constricts as you suck in a breath, feeling as though you’ll never be able to get enough air in.

“Oh,” you squeak.

He squeezes your hand and gives you a small, sad smile, “It’s my baby, Y/N. I’m not just going to give them up. And, yeah, maybe a nice couple would be really good to the kid, but I’m their dad. I can do this. I’m just, um — I’m gonna need a lot of help.”

You grin, sniffling and trying to keep your tears in. He laughs when you nod and pull him in for a hug, squeezing him so tight that he has to know you believe his decision is the right one. He chuckles, and when he pulls back, you wipe the stray tears from his cheeks.

“I’m so happy for you,” you whisper, “You’re gonna have a baby, Top. That’s amazing. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you,” he answers.

“I mean it. You’re going to be great. This baby doesn’t know how lucky they are.”

His eyes flutter closed at the words coming from you, fresh tears falling at the motion. A million questions flow through your head, but you don’t ask any of them. You just sit with him, letting him breathe in his new future.

“I have to talk to the kids,” he eventually says, nodding his head in the direction of the house, “I have to go to Boston for a while. I need to take care of her while she’s pregnant. I just don’t want them thinking I’ve left them. My heart will always be here with those two, you know? They’re the kids that made me realize I want my own.”

You smile, “They love you so much. So do I. I know this situation isn’t how you thought it would happen, but I think you’re doing everything right. I’m just sorry that it’s not what Sarah wants, too.”

He clenches his jaw, “It was. That’s why I proposed. We talked about living here and having kids and building a life together. And then Boston came along, and she just changed. I don’t even want to think about why.”

“Topper,” you say weakly, “You have been amazing to her. Her change in behavior had nothing to do with you, I’m sure of it. I really thought things would work out between the two of you this time.”

Tears fall from his eyes again, but this time, it’s different. He nods in silent agreement with you, taking in shaky breaths to try to collect himself.

“I did, too,” he confesses, “But, selfishly, I’m glad my baby will be half Sarah. She’s the first girl I ever loved, you know? Maybe she won’t be the last, but at least I’ll have a piece of her for the rest of my life.”

Before you can help yourself, you set your mug down on the ground and pull Topper up, begging him for a hug. He wraps his arms around you and squeezes you tight, letting himself cry.

“You’re a good man,” you whisper, “We will be here for whatever you need. I promise.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” he replies, voice thick with emotion, “You’re my best friend.”

“You’re mine, too, Top.”

You hug him for a while, hoping that if you squeeze tight enough, you can push those broken pieces of his heart back together. When he finally pulls back, he lets you wipe the tear streaks from his cheeks and then gives you a smile, his silent way of telling you that this helped him.

“When do you have to go?” you ask.

“Tomorrow,” he says, “I want to be there for all the milestones. I don’t wanna miss anything more than I already have.”

You nod, trying and failing not to let your disappointment show. He lets his hands find yours and squeezes before he nods in the direction of the house.

“Want me to get the kids?”

He nods, “Yeah. Could you, um, talk to Rafe? It’s his sister and I just— I can’t do it.”

“Of course,” you reply, “I’ll be right back.”

He releases you and watches as you take a few steps to the door. He waits until your hand meets the doorknob to speak again.

“Y/N,” he calls, “I love you.”

You smile and turn around, “I love you, too.”

He returns your smile and lets you escape back into the house, taking the minute alone to collect himself. You walk into the living room to find Rafe and Connor on the couch together as they play a game on Rafe’s phone, while Josie plays on the floor with Connor’s stuffed dinosaurs.

Rafe looks up at you when you enter, and just as you collide with the blue in his eyes, tears start to well. He tenses and stands, rushing over to you without a second’s worth of hesitation.

“Sweetheart, what is it?” he asks.

You shake your head and give him a fake smile as you sniffle, then look over to the kids, who stare at both of you.

“Guys, Uncle Top wants to talk to both of you outside,” you tell them.

“Okay,” Connor answers, rising from the couch.

He reaches out and takes Josie’s hand, leading her toward the back door. You wait for it to click closed behind them before collapsing into Rafe, letting your emotions overwhelm you.

“Shit, baby, hey,” he whispers, “Hey, it’s okay. Let’s sit.”

He pulls you over to the couch and helps you sit down. You reach up and wipe under your eyes with the tips of your fingers, doing your best to compose yourself for his sake. He’s patient, as you expect, and brushes the hair away from your face as he waits for you to speak.

“Sarah, um,” you sniffle, your voice cracking slightly as you continue, “She got a job up in Boston. She’s staying up there, and, well, she’s pregnant.”

“She’s pregnant?” he repeats, his eyes wide, “But they’re— he said—”

“I know,” you nod, “She doesn’t want to be a mom. At least, not right now.”

Rafe’s lips part as he takes in the new information, and you can practically see the wheels turning in his brain. His hand falls to your thigh as he collapses back into the couch, running a a hand through his messy hair.

“Shit,” he mumbles, “So, what’s going to happen with the baby?”

Your eyes close, “Topper’s going to raise them. On his own.”

You can feel Rafe tense, but your eyes remain glued shut. Rafe’s grip on your thigh tightens, a silent beg for you to state your opinion before he explodes with his own. You swallow while he shifts his weight, letting out a shaky and angry breath.

“What the fuck,” he hisses, “She’s just gonna not be in her child’s life? Forever? She’s giving up an engagement and a baby for a fucking job?”

Rafe stands as he raises his voice, which is the only reason you allow your eyes to open once more. You stand with him and cup his cheeks in your palms, trying to calm him down.

“It’s her life, Rafe,” you tell him, “It’s her choice. If this is what Sarah wants, we have to respect that.”

“Fuck that, I don’t respect anything about her abandoning a family,” he spits.

“Rafe,” you sigh, “She’s not abandoning anything—”

“Bullshit, she’s not. I’m gonna go call her right now—”

“Stop it,” you demand, grabbing onto his wrists, “You can’t make this choice for her, and you’ll only drive her away if you yell at her. She’s an adult and she’s made her decision. Topper’s okay. Sarah deserves to have a career.”

“She deserves to—”

“Rafe,” you stop him, “I’m sure this was a difficult decision for Sarah to make. But she made it alone, and we have to respect that. Just because you disagree with your sister doesn’t make her wrong. Please. Let’s just both take some time to cool off before we say anything to anyone.”

His jaw is clenched tight as he stares at you; evidently fighting every desire to dial up his sister and scream into her voicemail. Instead, he takes a deep breath and lets it all out, then pulls you tightly into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “Didn’t mean to yell.”

“I know,” you reply.

You clutch him tight, pulling his shirt into your fist as you breathe unevenly against his neck. You two remain like that for a few minutes, not wanting to break the silence with more discussion about Sarah, and break away only when the back door opens.

Topper carries a crying Josie inside with Connor in front of him, who looks sad but is attempting to hold it together. Josie’s arms lock around his neck and her little sniffles sound from the crook of his neck. Connor immediately walks over to you and holds his arms up, letting you pick him up and hold him tight.

Topper doesn’t look much better, in fact, he looks gutted. He doesn’t attempt to put Josie down or even make her feel better, he just continues to kiss the top of her head every now and then.

“I’m sorry,” Topper says to you, and when he finally works himself up to looking over to Rafe, his frown deepens, “Look, Rafe—”

“You have no reason to explain yourself to me, Top,” Rafe says, keeping his hand on your waist, “You’ve got all my respect.”

Topper’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, “Thank you.”

Rafe nods, then steps over to the coffee table and picks up the cash Topper had left there to repay him. Folding the bills in half, Rafe holds them out to him, nodding when Topper shakes his head.

“You’re my brother,” Rafe says, shifting his jaw to prevent his emotions from showing, “Babies are expensive. Take it. We’ll get more to you whenever you need it.”

Topper shakes his head again, “Rafe—”

“Take the money, Top.”

With a tight grip on Josie, Topper grabs the money and stuffs it into his pocket, as if hurrying will mean he doesn’t have to accept it. With a nod to Rafe, Topper turns and looks down at the girl on his chest, heart visibly breaking at the sight of her.

“Angel, I’ve gotta—”

“No,” she whines.

Topper’s eyes close as he lets his lips meet her forehead, urging her up.

“Come on, Jo. Let me see those eyes,” he presses. Pulling back, she looks up at him with her best puppy dog eyes, earning tears from Topper, “There they are. My favorite girl in the whole world.”

“I can go to Boston with you,” she proposes, “I’ll be extra good, I promise.”

He smiles, but it’s tainted with more tears, “I know you would. But your Mommy and Daddy would miss you too much.”

Connor looks up at Topper from his place on your shoulder, “You’ll come home for my birthday?”

“Of course I will,” Topper promises.

“Mine, too,” Josie insists.

“I promise. I’ll call a lot, okay?”

“Okay,” she says, bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

“Come here. I love you so much, my angel,” he whispers to her, pulling her close.

Josie starts to cry again, and you’re not at all surprised when Topper hands her off to Rafe to avoid breaking. Connor squirms from your arms and runs into Topper’s, clutching him tight.

“I love you, Uncle Top,” Connor tells him.

“I love you, too, buddy. Call me whenever you want to, okay?”

Connor nods, “I will.”

The four of you walk Topper outside to his truck, where he receives another round of hugs from each of you. Rafe hands Josie off to you and sticks his hand out for Topper to shake, but is quick to pull him in for a hug.

“You’re gonna be a good father,” Rafe tells him, “Because you’re a good man.”

You give Topper a hug after Rafe and make him promise to call more than once every two weeks, and just like that, he’s gone. Although you feel like collapsing into nothing right there in the driveway, you regain composure and walk inside, gripping onto Connor’s hand for dear life.

The remainder of the day is spent holding the kids close and making sure they understand that Topper has to go, and that he’s not leaving them. Both of them seem sad in their own way, but by the time they fall asleep on both you and Rafe, you figure that they’re sad because they see the sadness in you.

Rafe carries them both up to bed for you, telling you just to rest for a bit and he’ll be down soon. You let your emotions get the best of you once he’s out of the room, and you cry for Topper for a few minutes, Then, you regain control of yourself and cover up with a blanket, letting your mind work as you stare off.

Part of you, like Rafe, wonders how Sarah could make such a choice. Another part of you wants to stand up for her until the end. You’re sure a million thoughts went into her decision to end it and move. Maybe she’s not happy here. Maybe she’s not happy with Topper. If she’s not ready to be a mom, to make a lifelong commitment that will impact her every day, well, you can understand that. Sarah deserves the option that men get every single time they see a positive pregnancy test — to be involved or not. You refuse to crucify her over something that nobody would bat an eye at if she were a man.

Rafe finds you like that when he comes back downstairs; wrapped up in your own head and cuddled into the couch. He walks past you initially, and when you hear the familiar clanking of mugs in the kitchen, you smile to yourself.

He returns a few minutes later with two full mugs of hot chocolate — and about a million marshmallows sticking out of each one — then hands one off to you. As he sits, one of his arms comes around you while the other holds his mug. You collapse into his chest and inhale his familiar scent, letting it wash away all feelings of worry or sadness.

“She just left,” Rafe sighs, talking about Sarah, “She packed up her shit and left without saying goodbye.”

“I’m sure she’ll come home to visit and stuff,” you mumble.

“I don’t care about that,” he grunts, “She left our children, Y/N. Without a care in the world.”

You shake your head, “I’m sure it’s not like that—”

“It’s exactly like that. Sarah’s selfish at heart. This whole mess proves that. And she can put on her little show and play us all, but this is always how things turn out with her. I mean, shit, you remember how she was.”

“Of course I do, Rafe,” you sigh, “But you can’t hold that against her for the rest of her life. You’re not your worst mistake, either.”

He grows quiet at that. You sip from your mug of hot chocolate and lean into him, trying to simultaneously calm him and yourself.

“I just can’t imagine choosing a career over my family,” he whispers.

You nod to show him that you understand his point, “People are different.”

Rafe nods his head, and silence overcomes the two of you again. Your eyes start to pull closed, exhausted from the extreme emotions you’ve had to feel over the course of the day.

“We have to help him,” Rafe says, “In every way. He’s gonna need it.”

He reaches over and removes your mug from your hands, which allows you to wrap your arm around his chest and fully cuddle into him.

“We will,” you reply.

He chuckles to himself and kisses the top of your head, shifting minimally to place the mugs on the coffee table before cuddling back in with you. He fixes the blanket over both of you, then pulls you in closer.

“I love you, sweetheart,” he says quietly, “Thank you for everything you’ve given me.”

You smile, “I love you, too, Cameron.”

He laughs, and before you know it, the sleep pulls you under. You don’t even object when you wake up at four in the morning with Rafe cuddled on top of you, face buried in your neck as he softly snores. You just press a kiss to his forehead and close your eyes once more, thankful that even if you have to deal with temper tantrums and laundry and lost toys, at least you have a partner to do all of it with.

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certifiedlovergirlsstuff · 1 year

Text

dear bob...

summary: talking to the dead while trying to be there for the living.

WC: 969, hehe

warnings: a quick mention of b!ood, but this is cleared of everything else.

A/N: I WILL SAY IT TILL THE END OF TIME BOB NEWBY DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT ENDING THE DUFFERS GAVE HIM!!!!!! *honestly most of these might not be my best works, so just bare with if you read them*

also had to use my birthday as the first date, duh. it’s my birth month.

series masterlist

previous chapter next chapter

January 18, 1985

“Dear Bob Newby, Hawkins superhero.”

You were already getting choked up, but knew you had to push through.

“It’s only been two months since everything happened. Since Will’s episodes, they stopped by the way. Since you were at the lab, since the demo dogs, Dustin named them, since those creatures invaded the lab. Two months since you… anyway. Um… I’m still working at Radio Shack even though every day I step through those doors, I want to run back home. It doesn’t feel the same with you gone, besides I don’t have as much knowledge as you did.”

Your thumbs swiped over the black ink scrawled on the lined paper.

“Well, um in other news, Jonathan and I both have relationships. I’m not gonna go into it, but just wanted to let you know, we’re doing okay. But uh, mom, she’s uh… she says she’s fine, but I know she’s lying a bit. I hear her weeping at night, times when nightmares won’t get off my back and I head to the backyard for fresh air, I pass her room and faintly I hear the sniffles and occasional wet hiccup. It breaks my heart, ‘cause she deserved happiness, and you gave her that peace. I know she seemed hesitant at times, but she did love you, she loved the comfort you brought to our home. It was a nice change for once, no screaming or crying out of fear, but laughter and warmth. And I know Jonathan kinda seemed… guarded or just- what I’m saying is he’s just not used to trusting male figures, he’s- we’re all protective of our mom.”

You thought back to this morning, telling her you were gonna visit the cemetery. Asking if she would want to come with, seeing the hesitation in her eyes and body, how she stuttered out an excuse. She’s probably at work or just at home, sitting in the living room or laying in bed.

“I know you would want her to be happy though, want all of us to be happy. I hope she’ll get to be happy again, she was sad for too long and I don’t want to see her go through that again.”

The wind whistled through the trees, leaves waving in the background.

“I should… I should head back. I’ll try and see if she can come next time.”

You picked up your paper and tightened your scarf along your next, the bruising completely gone now. Loose strands of hair were played with the wind as you stood, taking a quick look around the quiet grounds.

With a hand placed atop the hard stone, a quiet “happy new year” goodbye, you left the ghostly grounds.

…

January 19, 2:15 AM

A nightmare.

A nightmare where Steve died at the hands of Billy. Every time you tried to intervene some force would hold you back, making you watch with leaking eyes and snot leaving your nostrils. And just before Billy makes his final blow, Steve would look your way, battered and bloodied face, but you can still make out his loving gaze and the faint hint of a smile on his lips. Then you just stared as the light left his eyes, then Billy would make his way to you, and you awoke before it got any further, but you got the gist.

Steve didn’t spend the night that day, so you weren’t saved by his warmth and comfort or an arm thrown over your waist as you buried your face into his neck. You were only greeted by the dark and coldness of your quiet room, shadows making you jumpy.

So you felt the shrinking room behind, wanting to call Steve, but you didn’t want to bother him especially since your relationship was still known. So instead of calling Steve you’ll just head outside and smoke something, hoping that will quell the nerves firing from your brain.

As you made your way down the dark hallway, you heard it again.

You heard the quiet sniffles, the moans of pain. She was crying again. And you hesitated outside her door, wondering if you should enter, but you both need comfort tonight if no one else can give it to you.

With a slow turning of the silver knob you pushed the wood door inch by inch, trying to stop the creaking from growing too loud. Her room was dark except for a small lamp on her bedside table, only shining Joyce in the yellow glow.

“Mom,” you whispered into the quiet night.

You saw as she tried to fix her appearance, wiping away any traces of tears, running a tissue under her nose, tucking her bangs behind her ears even though they slipped back into place. You took a step at a time, door closing behind you and leaving the both of you in a moment of privacy.

“Hi honey. Are you okay?” You could hear the rough edge in her voice.

You knew she would push you away if you mentioned anything about her, it’s something almost everyone in the Byers picked up from her, always putting others before yourself. So instead of coming to her as a friend, a shoulder to cry on, you went to her as a daughter, someone in need of comforting.

“I… I had a nightmare… about Steve, but I don’t want to bother him.” You wrung your hands together.

She held her arms out and open, “come here, baby.” And you walked to her bed before crawling into her arms and resting your head against her chest, her arms wrapping around your shoulders in a firm hold.

“I’m here, baby. I’ll always be here for you.” A soothing stroke to your hair.

“I’ll always be here for you too, mommy.” You whispered into her clavicle.

-----------------------------

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*strike through means tumblr can’t hide your account, sorry*

#The Byers Harrington Story #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things fic #stranger things series #stranger things self insert

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the1975attheirverybest · 5 months

Note

Ok I have a really sad one but what about mattys been home for like a year after baby was born and you both agree that you're ready for the boys to go back on tour. You facetime every evening before baby goes to bed and usually they're playing with toys or sometimes matty reads them their bedtime story over facetime. Well this time baby decides to take their first steps on facetime and walk over to Matty and he is equally crying with joy/pride and sobbing because he's missing out on milestones and feels like the worst father ever

🌷🌷

Awwwww babyyyy 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Matty has definite got into a somewhat silly habit of buying doubles of the children’s books that he gets his baby cuz he wants to have copies with him when he goes on tour. So that whenever he calls, he can let his baby choose whichever book they gotta read for bedtime. He sings a little lullaby after and everything.

And on days off in between shows, or in the tour bus, or their way between cities etc he like calls just randomly if he knows his wife is gonna be home and asks to be put on FaceTime and have the phone propped up somewhere in the living room so he can feel like he’s there with them. He just hangs out and watches his kid play and eat dinner and play with mommy.

So, one day, they’re both to put baby down for the night. But the kid is a bit too hyper to wanna go to bed. There are toys strewn on the floor everywhere, and they’ve gotten into this habit…you know when kids are first learning to walk, how they’ll first learn to use the edges of furniture to move around? Like they’ll hold on the edge of the coffee table and then the side of the couch or something to be stood up and sort of slinking around? Yeah, so it’s mainly that. Just baby trying to be brave and move around with the assistance of the furniture and whatever is available. For a while, both parents attention is on the child as they try to mentally and emotionally prepare for a difficult bedtime. They know there will be resistance. Maybe some tears. Matty keeps saying “two more minutes and then we really have to go to sleep. Mommy’s tired she deserves some quiet time.”

Then, the conversation kinda drifts to something Mundane. Like, Maybe Matty is talking to his wife about what him and Hann did that day or what sightseeing he wants to do once they get to their next city. But as they’re chatting, they both notice baby start to let go of the edge of the table and walk independently. They’re both trying to alert each other to what’s going on but they’re too excited to form full sentences so it’s just like “matty! Oh my god!!! Walking!! It’s happening!” And a bunch of squeaking from both of them. When baby makes it to the other end of the couch (just a few small steps later) they both clap and yell out “yaaaayyyy you did it babbyyyy” and start making up silly songs about their kids first steps and hype them up.

But as soon as they stop, and instead of complete silence, Matty’s sniffling fills the air. Mom is teary eyed too so at first she thinks it’s just happy tears. But then she looks at the screen and matty is full on crying. She makes a joke about how he’s the most emotional person she’s ever met but that’s okay because she finds his soft gentle side really attractive.

Matty eventually shakes his head and tries to wipe his tears with the back of his hand. “It’s not that…it’s just” and he pulls into the camera view a little onesie of the baby’s that he’d stolen to take on tour. He’s thinking about how by the time he gets back 6 months from now baby will have outgrown the onesie. “We’re gonna need to buy baby shoes now. And not those cute decorative ones. Real ones. For walking. A dad should fuckin be there for his child’s first shoes!” It dawns on him that this is his fate now. Baby’s first steps, first shoes, first words, soon it’s gonna be first day of school, and recitals, and birthdays, and what’s next? Graduations too? “Fuck, I’m not saying I don’t love my job. I’ve very very fortunate to still be doing this decades later. But….i just don’t think it’s fair. Parents shouldn’t have to work. Like ever.”

She tried to comfort him and tell him that she works too and she feels bad that her kid has to spend any amount of time without her during the day. That sometimes she sits at work, checking the time, knowing that usually when nap time is over, and that her child is going to wake up to someone who isn’t her makes her sad. “But it’s good for kids to see their parents work! We’re setting a good example. Ambition and drive are important! Besides, you’re here! You saw this and just cuz it’s over a phone screen, doesn’t mean it’s any less memorable. Do you really think that you’re going to forget the day that you saw your little baby take their first steps????”

“Well, I won’t now. Cuz it’s also always going to be the day I wept like my little baby over the phone a thousand miles away from you.”

“Tell you what? We can buy the new shoes together. You go to the store and pick them out. Mail them.”

“It’s not the same thing as-“

“Fine, fine. We’ll stay a few extra days the next time we fly in? Maybe we can take a trip? Every shoe store in town. We’ll test them out and everything.”

“Oh yes, yes! Do you think they still make squeaky ones?”

“Those cause headaches, Matty.”

“Or the laser ones. You know the ones that light up? Oh I used to love these on Louis. Just a little kid wobbling about shooting laser beams from their feet.”

“As long as they don’t make any disruptive noises-“

“Adidas trainers. The most comfortable. Hey, let’s all get matching ones. All three of us. It’d be cute!”

#🌷anon

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4townie · 7 months

Text

Road to 4☆TOWN

part 11

“You’re sure you won’t come in with me?” Taeyoung asked, hugging Aaron T.

“I know you’re nervous about going home, but I haven’t seen my mom in two months.” Aaron reminded him. “She just got engaged and we have to talk about moving out. Plus, she’s my mom and I missed her.”

“Then can I go with you?” Taeyoung held on tighter. “I’m sure my parents won’t mind if I stay at your place for a few hours.”

“Yeah, right. Your mom would kill me if I kept her baby away for a second longer than I needed to.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re so worried about anyway. You know your mom’s gonna be ecstatic to see you again.”

Taeyoung was quiet. “And my dad…?”

“I mean, I know he’s a little quieter but I’m sure he missed you.” Aaron assured him.

The bus came to a stop.

“This is you, Taeyoung.” Courtney called him from the front of the bus. “I think I can see your mom at the window already.”

“Thanks, Courtney.” Taeyoung started to get up. “Guess I can’t stall. I’ll see you on—”

“Wait, Tae.” Aaron took off his hat and placed it on Taeyoung’s head. “I may not be going in with you, but I’m still there for you.”

Taeyoung smiled. “Awwww, thanks, Aaron.” He hugged him again. “But wait, you hate being without your hat.”

“I’m just going home. It’s no big deal.” Aaron shrugged. “Besides, you can give it back when you come over tomorrow.”

“I feel better already.” Taeyoung said with a small sigh. He grabbed his bags and adjusted the hat . “Well, here goes nothing.” He got off the bus and walked what felt like a mile to the front door. He looked over his shoulder and saw Aaron waving as the bus drove off. Before he could wave back, he was being pulled into the house.

“TAEYOUNG!” Dasom yelled as she hugged him. “Oh, baby, I missed you so so much. Don’t ever leave me for that long again.” She gave him a million little kisses.

“Mom, please.” Taeyoung chuckled a bit. “Plus, you know we have another tour in Australia this October.”

“Well, then your father and I will simply have to take a month’s vacation to Australia this year.” Dasom shook her head. “I can’t stand to be apart from my baby that long.” She hugged him again.

“I don’t think either of you can take a vacation that long. Especially not Dad.” Taeyoung grinned. “By the way…where is he? Is he home?”

Dasom paused. “Oh, uhhhh—”

“Jagi, the jacuzzi’s ready for—” Jihun stopped at the bottom of the steps. “Oh. Taeyoung, you’re back.”

“Hi, Dad.” Taeyoung waved awkwardly.

“Uh…how was the trip?” Jihun asked.

“It was okay. I got a little sad on Christmas since I was away from you and M—”

“Good, good.” Jihun cut him off. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

There was an awkward pause.

Taeyoung started walking towards him with open arms. “I missed you, Dad.”

“And I missed you, son.” Jihun nodded, stopping Taeyoung before they could hug. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go drain the jacuzzi.” He headed back upstairs with a look of disappointment.

“I guess he got used to me not being around.” Taeyoung said quietly. “Now I feel kinda bad for ruining your fun…”

“No, no, no!” Dasom rushed over to him, gently cupping his cheeks. “Your father and I missed you everyday you were gone. We just got a little taste of what it’ll be like when you get married and move out, and to be honest I didn’t like it one bit. Okay, well maybe a little.”

“Mom, please.” Taeyoung groaned. “He didn’t even hug me. You don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

“Oh, dear, you know how he is.” Dasom stroked his hair. “He’s just not very good at showing affection.”

“Every Valentine’s Day, birthday, and anniversary of yours, he buys you red roses, takes you out to dinner at your favorite restaurant, and spends the night with you at a hotel.” Taeyoung narrowed his eyes. “I get shipped off to Aaron’s house even though Valentine’s Day is literally my birthday.”

Dasom frowned at her son. “Awww, sweetie. I—”

“Jagi?” Jihun called from upstairs. “I accidentally added bubbles instead of draining it.”

Dasom started giggling. “I’ll be right there.” She called up to him. “Why don’t you unpack your bags and have some dinner? There’s some kimbap in the fridge.”

“But, Mom, I kinda wanted to talk about—”

Dasom rushed up the stairs and shut the bedroom door behind her. Taeyoung sighed as he was met with silence once again.

#4town headcanons #4town fanfic #4town taeyoung #4town aaron t #4town robaire #4town z #4town jesse #turning red #turning red 4town #4town #4townie

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ectonurites · 1 year

Text

sad rambling don't mind me

The passage of time just doesn’t feel real, man. Alaska would have turned 24 today. The last time I can distinctly remember seeing her alive she was newly 15.

It’s just this weird thing of like, yeah, I don’t think about it all the time anymore, not the way I did when it was really recent, but little things do still remind me of her. I can’t believe how close it’s getting to a decade since she's been gone.

It came up when Emme and I were talking about her a few weeks ago, but at the time she felt so grown up to us. I was a year older than her, but back then she managed to feel so mature regardless. She would nerd out with us (The last time we actually hung out was at the con the college in our town used to hold), but she also did all these grown-up things with people we didn't know—she'd tell us stories about it all though, she just seemed so cool. But god, she was a kid. A kid! Just a kid. She was 15. She was a kid. We all were kids.

So much of high school is honestly just a blur when I think back to it now, but things related to this are so distinct it's kinda scary.

Like, it’s been nearly 9 years! But I can still remember the exact seat in Jenny’s 1st period mechanical physics class I was sitting in when that first announcement about her attempt and coma went out over the loud speaker, it didn’t use her name or anything but just alerted everyone at the school that this had happened to a student. I already knew, I'd known for a few days, and I knew the announcement was probably going to happen that day, so it wasn’t a surprise. Our other friend got to stay home, but I had too many absences so my mom wouldn’t let me. I was in a class of mostly upperclassmen (only three of us were in my grade, nobody in Alaska's), and no one else in the room knew her or at least seemed to know this was about her, it was just whispers and speculation and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I broke down in tears in front of my math teacher the following period when he asked me about the homework I hadn't done and in hindsight it was almost kinda funny, because he just did not know what to do.

I remember sitting at Lily's house on the couch with her and Emme—having a sleepover to work on cosplay because that's what we did back then—when Lily's mom came home in the middle of the night and we knew something was wrong. And we got told the news that she'd passed a few hours earlier.

I remember on the first birthday after she passed, Emme and I went to the park across the street from the high school to let go of balloons. It had snowed recently, but we wanted to be in the center of the park, because otherwise they'd get stuck in the trees, so we trekked our way out there and laid on our jackets in the freezing cold and laughed and talked and cried.

I don’t know. I don’t know where I'm going with any of this, or what I’m trying to say. It's just like, time is supposed to make these things feel easier, and in a way I guess it does, but my brain just gets so focused on dates and anniversaries so every year when this day and the day she died roll around I still get hit with so much all at once.

(the anniversary of the day she died was particularly rough this past year because it was the same day Stranger Things Vol. 2 dropped and I went to a watch party thinking 'oh cool it'll be fun to watch this thing I like with my friends as a distraction' and promptly got punched in the fucking gut by what happened with Max, the hospital scene towards the end sent me spiraling for hours)

Anyways.

Happy Birthday, Alaska. I met you on a Tuesday afternoon in late August at the park I roller skate at now, two days after me and my mom finally called the cops on my dad and everything in my life changed. You were the first new friend I made after all that. I didn't get to know you for a long time, but you’re still on my mind even after all these years. I miss you. Happy Birthday.

#tw for irl death

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jimilter · 2 years

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Lovely Ash! I was late to your WIP challenge so share what you want to share! If all has been ticked off, then this is just to say that I adore you! Sending you hugs 🤗 🥰🥰

the wip challenge!

aaaa mimi, the loveliest! 😭 you're so sweet, thank you so much for the hugs, bby, i adore you more 🥺❤

there's only one left on the list, and coincidentally, it happens to be jungkook fic! i've been writing it since april but then stuff kept happening and i couldn't finish, now i am aiming to post it for his birthday. 🥺

bec i love you w my entire heart, i shall share the cover, the genre/tropes and a 1k words' snippet w you!

16+ rated stuff under the cut!

so firstly, here's the sexy as F cover that i bullied @opaljm into making for me:

college!au fuckboy!jungkook | best friend!reader best friends to lovers!au themes: unrequited love + pining + chaotic but dumb!jungkook + sad but fierce!reader

“Is this good enough or do I need more oil?”

If there was a way to strangle someone and kill just the annoying parts of them while keeping the good ones alive, your hands would have been around your best friend’s neck, right about now.

Without lifting your eyes off the assignment that needs to be submitted in under two hours, you give a noncommittal grunt. “This is fine.”

“You didn’t even look. Come on, I’m trying something here! Support me, babe!”

And so you are forced to turn your head and examine Jeon Jungkook’s bare upper body, specifically his eight-pack of abs that he has oiled to display at this pool party he is going to.

You don’t even know what he wants you to say. He is so damn huge and buff and chiseled, you’re ready to jump him at any given moment without any displays from his side, anyway. But this? His abs glistening like a set of hot, buttered rolls straight out of an oven? Yeah, you’re halfway stuck between wanting to lick them and grind your progressively wetting center over them.

But you’re pretty sure he wants to hear neither of those answers. He won’t be running after Seri like a hellhound in heat if he wanted to hear this from you. No matter if you’ve been best friends for over a decade. No matter if you both lost your virginities to each other in junior high. No matter if you’ve been in love with him ever since.

And just like that, your mood makes a dive from horny to hurt, and you give a morose sigh. “It’s… shiny,” you drily inform him, expecting his eye-roll before he even scoffs.

“Yes. Kinda impossible for them to not be shiny when I oil them, you know?” He purses his lips in disappointment. “But are they shiny enough?”

Even though it’s not exactly his fault that you have feelings for him, this feels extremely cruel and mean of him to you. Which makes you slowly grow irritated. “Depends on what’s on your agenda.”

Jungkook’s groan echoes around you as you swivel back to stare into your laptop, fists clenched tight to stop yourself from trembling. Due to arousal or held back tears? You aren’t too sure. Maybe a bit of both because that is how fucking ridiculous your life with this idiot is.

“Fine, don’t help. I’ll just keep the bottle on me just in case.”

“Just in case what?” You snort, the words on screen all merging together to form an image of you rubbing your pussy over his washboard abs, making you shut your eyes and snap your reading glasses off your face in agitation.

“Just in case the pool water washes it off—”

“God, Kook, water doesn’t wash off oil—”

“Or if I get lucky enough to have Seri lick it off me. You know?”

Your lips seal over clenched teeth. Do you know? A bit too well, unfortunately.

Since freshman year, Jungkook got hooked on this humongous crush he has on Choi Seri, the biggest trust fund princess that your university houses, who is a well-known player around campus that doesn’t stay with a guy for more than two weeks. Jungkook, well, like your basic naive idiot in “love,” dreams of changing her for him. A stupid dream that you kow for a fact can’t come true, but he seems to have a different idea.

What’s more, Jungkook – and every other person at your college – knows how sexually experienced Seri is because, well, boys love to run their mouths and this girl has gone through at least the varsity football and basketballs teams. That’s more than twenty boys that pass the gossip exponentially. And so, your dear best friend with an experience that didn’t go beyond three sexual partners including you, decided to up his game by sleeping around and gaining “prowess,” as he likes to call it, so that he will fall under Seri’s radar and be considered a worthy enough guy for her to fall in bed with. He believes he can change her mind about the rest after that.

And, yeah, that’s been going on for more than three years now. You’ve tried to talk him out of this madness way too many times to even count, and now you’ve just accepted it as a part of your life. As a part of the pain being Jeon Jungkook’s best friend entails.

“I’ll be off, then!” the guy announces, and you look at him over your shoulder.

Wow. He’s dressed in swimming trunks and a flowy shirt with so many buttons undone that it exposes more than half of his chest. He’s definitely gonna fuck someone even if Seri blows him off tonight.

“Yay. Go get ’em, tiger,” you say with the flattest voice you can muster, and Jungkook’s excited face falls into an elaborate pout.

“Don’t be like that,” he grumbles and then tackles you into a forced, very unwelcome bear hug, wrapping his thick as heck arms around you to press your cheek and nose right up against his exposed pectorals – so hard you can barely breathe.

He’s, like, literally choking you with his tiddies. What a dream.

Except – it’s not. Not really, because he sighs very dreamily above your head and you can almost see his thoughts about Seri form before he has even opened his mouth.

“I really feel like she’s gonna notice me tonight, you know.”

And there it is. You sigh, depression coming naturally this time, and push him off of you. “Well, do you want me to wish you luck?”

“I would appreciate that, yeah.” He nods, eyes wide and doe-like, and you hate yourself for the painful clench your heart gives at the sight.

You turn around with a hum and stick your thumb up above your head. “Good luck then, buddy. Hope Seri licks off the oil from your abs and you require more of it. Oh, you know what? I hope there’s so much licking, you empty the damn bottle.”

Jungkook snort dissolves into a full belly laughter and, despite the pain that lances through you at the way he can’t contain his excitement at the prospect of having Seri to himself, you cannot hold back your honest smile at the sound of his giggles.

You love him so fucking much.

“Well, thank you, bestie! I’ll bring back her thong as a memento!”

You are so fucking stupid.

#c: ask #mimi 🍪#the feeling is mutual 💝#jungkook scenarios #jungkook x reader #wip game; aug'22

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