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weirdowithaquill · 6 months

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Traintober 2023: Day 23 - Big World

The blue tank engine pulled into the Big Station with his coaches, spotting the Fat Controller standing on the platform. “Ah, Thomas! Thank you for sorting out those vans earlier – I can’t believe they missed those on this morning’s Kipper.” “Not a problem sir!” Thomas said, an idea bubbling in his boiler. Surely he’d be able to convince the Fat Controller that a grand trip around the world was a perfect marketing strategy! Sir Topham Hatt was always looking for new ways to bring tourists to the railway after all.

“I’ve had an idea! How would you like it, sir, if one of your engines could be the very first to go right the way around the world?”

As Thomas prodded the Fat Controller for an affirmation, he didn’t notice a certain Great Western engine at the other platform, listening in closely.

***

Thomas thought he’d made a safe getaway, right up until he heard a pointed cough from behind him. “Well, Thomas, what’re we doing now?” “Duck?!” The Great Western Pannier tank sat in the hold behind the blue tank engine, with a pointed eyebrow raised. “What’re you doing here?!”

Duck coughed pointedly. “I came to stop you. You can’t go galivanting off across the planet! You need to let Carly lift you back onto the dockside this instant!” “Um… Duck…” “What?” “The boat’s moving.”

Duck went a very interesting shade of red, and said nothing for a little while. Then…

“We’re going back as soon as we reach Dakar.”

Duck raised an eyebrow at Thomas as he was rather coldly rejected by Ace. As much as he wanted to go home… or maybe hop on that ship bound for Italy… he knew rather well that if someone didn’t chase after the idiot they called a Number One tank engine, Thomas would inevitably end up down a mine, white water rafting his way towards certain doom.

And once was enough.

“Thomas, how about we just… go to Dar-es-Salaam. We can maybe catch a boat back to Sodor from there.” “No Duck, we’re not going back now! We’re going a trip around the world – or at least, I am. You can go back to boring old Sodor and you’re little forgetful branchline.” Duck hissed crossly. “Forgetful! Says the engine that forgets his passenger trains every day and needs Stanley to pull Annie and Clarabel. At least I remember to do my work, instead of wandering off to freaking Africa!”

Thomas raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Oh? So why’re you here?” “Stopping you from doing something stupid. Again.” In lieu of a reply, Thomas puffed away, asking aloud whether or not it was possible to reach Dar-es-Salaam from Senegal. Duck wondered if Thomas had ever seen a map – there were no railway lines across the Sahara! And yet, the blue tank engine seemed to believe that if he just asked loudly enough, some random shunter would couple them up to a line of trucks and send them across the continent!

“Dar-es-Salaam? Are you going to Dar-es-Salaam?” Duck looked over, and saw several trucks all beam at the tank engine. “Oh no… oh no, Thomas—” “We’ve been waiting for you!” The trucks were hooked up to Thomas by a little shunter with side tanks and a stove pipe funnel. Duck watched on with interest. These trucks didn’t seem like the ones on Sodor.

“So you are the new engine?” asked the foreman, striding over from his office. “Well… I…” “We, are the new engines – sir,” Duck interjected. “But only for this run. We’re being transferred down to Dar-es-Salaam, so the railway thought it best we take the trucks with us.” “Two of you?” he asked slowly. “You are both so small though!” “Little engines can—” Duck cut off Thomas again.

“We are small, sir. But I’ve got plenty of water, and Thomas here is full of plenty of hot air.” “Hot air?!” “Oh! Like steam,” said the foreman. “It is… one of your…” “English jokes, sir,” Duck replied sweetly. Thomas went red in the face, and let out a great cloud of steam. Duck just sidled away to couple on behind.

***

The two quickly discovered just why the foreman had been so sceptical. They had been put on a slow pick-up goods, being halted at nearly every station between Dakar and Abuja to pick up and put down trucks. Thomas continued to watch in shock as five trucks became eight, then thirteen, then thirty!

Duck quietly uncoupled when the last lot were shunted onto the back of the train, and sidled up alongside.

“We’ll not make it across the rest of the continent with just the two of us.” “Yes we will!” spluttered Thomas. “I don’t even need you back there! All you’re doing is slowing me down!” Duck rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll find a brakevan for you, and you can continue alone.” “A brakevan? We haven’t needed one yet! The land is flat, Duck – the trucks can’t roll away!” Duck rolled his eyes. Every wise engine knows that brakevans aren’t just for runaway trains.

Nonetheless, Thomas did wait for the Great Western Pannier to find a brakevan, before heaving and groaning loudly as he tried his best to drag the heavy train away. Duck’s driver just shook his head in disbelief.

“First I let you talk me into this, then I let you talk me into not helping that struggling fool – I’m so losing my job.”

To his credit, Thomas did make it to the next shunting yard – but there, a large orange tank engine shunted ten more wagons onto the back of his train. Thomas winced as he felt them being coupled up.

“Um…” “Your face!” cackled the orange engine joyfully. “You really shouldn’t look so surprised – there are always a lot of trucks for Dar-es-Salaam, you know,” she added. Duck chuckled. “Oh, he knows,” he said with a smirk. “He’s just stubborn.” “I don’t need any help!” “See?” Thomas hissed steam at Duck, who puffed backwards to avoid it. “Well, I can help you,” offered the orange engine. Thomas glared. “No! I just said I don’t need your help - just watch me! I can do this… by myself!” The orange engine looked rather hurt. Duck sighed.

“Come on, he’ll wind up in a mess in a moment, and then he’ll change his tune. He always does.”

And Duck was – inevitably – right.

The orange engine’s name was Nia. And having saved Thomas from derailing (and then horrifying Duck by suddenly rushing backwards down a hill), she was easily accepted by the Pannier into the little group. Thomas, meanwhile, just sniffed.

“Couple up while you can,” Duck advised. “He’s a loose cannon, this one – he’ll have run off on you in a puff if could. Trust me.” Nia took the Pannier tank’s advice, and the pair helped push the heavy train up the rest of the hill – and then along the beautiful scenery of the Sahel region. Duck was enamoured with everything.

“I’ve always wanted to sail away and see the world,” he admitted to Nia quietly. “Just… to see what it’s like for myself.” “Oh, me too!” grinned Nia. “There’s one place I’ve heard of in China, called the Rainbow Mountains.” “Wow…” murmured Duck. “That would be incredible to see… Personally, I’ve always wanted to see Greece, or Italy. They say the views over the ocean are some of the best in the world.” The two smiled – perhaps, their journey wouldn’t be so bad after all…

And then Thomas spoke up.

“Will you two shut up! I’m going to be the first engine to travel around the world!” “Circumnavigate is the right word,” muttered Duck. “Well, you’ll need our help to get to Dar-es-Salaam at least,” smirked Nia. “Cause it’s 5000 miles away.”

Thomas spluttered and coughed for several minutes. “5000 miles?!” “Well, at least the trucks will help you,” hummed Nia. “Trucks? Helpful?! When pigs fly!” “The trucks back on the Great Western used to be helpful,” said Duck. “But that was because they knew the importance of being really useful.”

Thomas just rolled his eyes, and let the pair – and their ‘useful trucks’ start a sing-along.

***

Duck chuckled as he and Nia greeted Kwaku warmly. Behind them, Thomas tried to butt in and ask about Ace – but instead, Duck decided to indulge in the local greeting himself. “And how are you, Kwaku? How are your wheels, how is your boiler, how are your pistons? Have the tracks been taking you where you wish to run, and have the other engines been good to you?” Kwaku beamed.

“Now you! You understand the importance of knowing your fellow engines.” Duck chuckled. “Oh thank you. It’s similar to a greeting we had back on the Great Western – though, we just liked to ask: has all been well with you and your shedmates?” Kwaku and Nia both looked intrigued; Thomas blew his whistle loudly to get their attention.

“Excuse me! Have you seen a yellow rally car named Ace?!” “So rude!” sniffed Duck. “Interrupting a conversation like that.” Nia and Kwaku agreed. “Most disrespectful,” muttered Nia. “His designer would be ashamed,” agreed Kwaku. “Ashamed of every insult he makes against both his class and his home.” Duck sighed.

“Our railway is normally much nicer than the blue puffball makes out – he’s normally too. But recently… he’s been foisting off his duties on other engines so he can go galivanting off to my branchline to mess with the little engines.” “Little engines?” asked Nia. “They cannot be much smaller than Thomas, right?” Duck laughed; Thomas glowered.

***

Amazingly enough, Nia joined the pair on their next ship – this one bound for Rio de Janeiro. “Hopefully we’ll catch up with Ace there…” murmured Thomas. Duck grimaced. “I don’t like this Ace,” he said. “He seems like a bad influence. If such a car had come round Paddington…” “Then he’d have been the most interesting vehicle there,” snapped Thomas. Duck glared. “How dare you—” “I didn’t want to bring you, Montague. I wanted to be the first, I wanted to see the world! But you just had to come and ruin it.” Duck went silent, and both he and Nia went unhappily to sleep.

Pulling coffee from Rio de Janeiro in Brazil to San Francisco in the USA was yet another job that seemed impossible. “There can’t be a railway line through the Darien Gap!” huffed Duck. “It’s impossible! Not even the road goes through there.” And yet, they were loaded up with coal and water and shown the entrance to the Pan-American railway (which Duck had rather… mixed feelings about).

Nia, on the other hand, was excited!

“We’re going to be able to see monkeys, and panthers, and—” “Snakes.” “Thomas, seriously? Snakes? Are you just wanting to frighten poor Nia?” Thomas didn’t reply, just chortled up front.

It took all three engines several moments to heave the heavy train into motion. Most of the train was made of covered vans filled with sacks of coffee, however a couple flatbeds had been coupled up between Thomas and Duck, to hold the coffee beans that didn’t fit into the vans.

With Thomas in front, it wasn’t long until both Duck and Nia grew bored. The blue tank engine was off in his own world again, fantasising about racing Ace. “Hey, look!” exclaimed Nia excitedly. “It’s a toucan!” Duck gazed over and gasped in amazement. “I’ve never seen a toucan before!” he said. “Oh, I wish I had a camera.” “My fireman has one!” Nia replied. Her fireman leaned out of the cab to photograph the toucan; and then he was taking photos of the parrots, of the capybaras, of monkeys and even a panther that stalked by the lineside.

“How incredible!” murmured Duck. “The scenery here is just…” He and Nia both gazed up at the tall trees that swayed in the breeze above them, practically dripping with vines and vibrant flowers in almost every colour of the rainbow. There were also hundreds of insects, and it wasn’t long before all three crews were putting up fly nets.

They’d just started off again when a certain blue pain-in-Duck’s-bunker spotted his new best friend Ace, and they were speeding off suddenly without stopping for water.

***

Once again, it was Nia who saved them, when Thomas ran dry, and they almost had to dump his fire. Had their crews not used the giant leaves from some nearby shrubs to create water funnels for all three engines – which was Nia’s idea – then he may have had to have his fire dumped.

Rain fell hard in the Amazon jungle – though Duck wasn’t quite sure where they were. “Perhaps we’re nearly in Colombia?” suggested Nia. “It is getting warmer.” “We might even be on the equator right now!” exclaimed Duck excitedly. “No we’re not!” snorted Thomas. “If we were on the equator, we’d see a big dotted line!” “Thomas, you dim-witted blue puffball! That’s a marking on a map, not a real thing!” spluttered Duck.

Thomas sniffed. “Oh please! You just want to stare at the trees. We need to get moving to get Ace to his next rally!” Ah, yes. Ace. They’d found him upside down on the side of the line some miles back, and already Duck wanted to shove him back into the undergrowth.

“You tell him Thomas!” cheered Ace. “We’ve gotta go fast – there’s no time for this sightseeing. I might be out of this race, but I can still make it to North America – continent number three!” “We have coffee to deliver,” Duck reminded sternly. “Which means we’re going to San Francisco. Unless your race starts from there, you’re out of luck. It’s a miracle we’re even helping you in the first place! It’s not the Great Western—” “Oh shut up!” groaned Thomas. “Don’t you have anything else to justify your ridiculous rants, Duck? Great Western this, Great Western that – the Great Western Railway is gone!”

Duck didn’t reply – instead, he went silent, and just glared at Thomas’ bunker.

Which was of course the exact moment that the tracks began to sink into the mud and ooze beneath them.

Both Nia and Duck were all too happy to split the train and ‘race’ through Mexico and Arizona. The two took one track (and the majority of the trucks), while Thomas got Ace, the flatbeds, two vans and the brakevan.

“On your marks!” called Ace. “Get set! Go!”

And with that, the three were thundering along, Nia and Duck working in tandem to draw ahead of the blue tank engine. “This is better!” cheered Duck. “No Thomas, no Ace, no worries!” “You shouldn’t talk about your friend like that,” Nia huffed. “Friend?!” spluttered Duck with a laugh. “Please! You heard him – we’ve never been friends, Nia. Mister Number One doesn’t like me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. At least with him gone, we can finally go see those Rainbow Mountains you were talking about, instead of being dragged after the Blue Puffball.”

“Why do you call him that?” quizzed Nia. Duck laughed. “Oh, it’s a nickname a diesel with a giant claw gave him a while back,” he said offhandedly. Nia gaped at Duck in shock. “What?!” “Ah, now this is a fun story…”

And so, even though they were still racing Thomas through the Arizonan desert, Duck and Nia took the time to share stories about their home railways, as well as marvel at the sublime scenery that surrounded them, including the Grand Canyon itself.

***

Thomas didn’t come. He had ditched them to play ‘rally car’ with Ace. So, Duck and Nia didn’t wait. Instead, the pair boarded the next ship bound for China, excited to go and see the famous Rainbow Mountains in China. They were located at the Zhangye National Park in the north of the country, so the pair had plenty of time to see some of the other wonders of the ancient nation on their way, from the bustling city of Shanghai to the Grand Canal to Jiuzhai Valley National Park. It was gorgeous!

Better yet, they met Yong Bao on their way. Duck had previously met the gentle giant back when Britain had hosted the Great Railway Show, and the Chinese engine had spent some time at the Big Station helping out Henry, Murdoch and Hiro on the heavy goods trains.

“The Rainbow Mountains are beautiful this time of year,” Yong Bao grinned. “It is such an honour to be able to share them with you. Thank you both for finding the time to come all this way to see our sights.” “I’ve always wanted to see the world,” said Duck with a smile. “I remember once talking to Percy about it back on Sodor, during a regatta. He said it was impossible because engines can’t float…” “Really?” hummed Nia. “I used to stare at the sunset and wonder what the world looked like!” “Me too!”

Yong Bao chuckled.

“Well, we can go see the Rainbow Mountains together – and then is there anywhere else you want to go?” “Italy,” Nia replied. Duck’s eyes widened. “You said you wanted to go there, right?” “I… you remembered?” “Of course I did! We’re friends,” said Nia. “And you remembered that I wanted to come here.” Duck beamed. “Oh yes!” Yong Bao chuckled at the pair. “Come on, we had best get moving – you need to see the Rainbow Mountains, then head towards the Himalayas so you can start on your journey to Italy.” Yong Bao coupled the pair up to a passenger train he was pulling in that direction, and the three set off.

“I… I don’t have many friends,” Duck admitted quietly to Nia after a few minutes. “Most of the other engines think I’m a bit… too uptight.” “Being proud of your work and heritage is important,” said Nia. “You should not be ashamed of it. You just prefer to get all your jobs finished before relaxing – it is honourable.” “Agreed,” chimed in Yong Bao. “You have a friend in me, Duck.” Duck smiled a watery smile – he felt close to tears.

“Thank you. Thank you both.”

Yong Bao left them at the base of the ‘railway through the clouds’, and the two continued onwards up the highest railway in the world on their own. It wasn’t easy going. The lack of oxygen made their fires burn cooler, and each puff was a pant – but still they kept on going, spurred on by the scenery that they were seeing. They could see the Himalayas stretched out in front of them, the roof of the world covered in ice and snow.

Both engines talked in hushed voices, both so not to disturb the animals dozing by the line in certain areas – and to not trigger a landslide in others.

That was when they heard a loud, shrill whistle. Duck and Nia both looked back – there was Thomas, speeding up the side of the mountain and whistling fit to burst, calling out their names. Both of them sped up, eyes turned upwards. They were wary of triggering an avalanche.

A tunnel loomed ahead. Nia and Duck puffed in just as there was a deep, dangerous rumble above them. The two slammed on their brakes as a giant avalanche came roaring down the mountainside. The whistles cut out – then started again, only this time alarmed.

“Help! Help!” Duck’s eyes were wide. “Come on, we have to rescue him!” he exclaimed. The two raced back out the tunnel, to find snow everywhere. They charged down the line, and found Thomas off the rails near a sharp bend. He was tilting over the edge of a cliff face, his front buffers hanging over nothing.

“You secure him,” Duck said to Nia. “I’m going to find help further down the mountain.” “Got it. But hurry!” Chains were secured between Thomas and Nia, while Duck sprinted back down the mountain.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas said after a moment. “I was stupid to listen to Ace – he just seemed so cool… and it made me lose sight of who my real friends were.” “I think,” said Nia, “that you need to save your apology for Duck.”

The two sat there for several moments – and then Nia felt herself slipping. Snow was shifting under Thomas, dragging him further over the cliff edge. Nia strained against the weight of the blue tank engine – but it was a losing battle. Just as she felt her trailing wheels lift up off the rails however, Yong Bao and Duck steamed up behind her, buffering up and pushing forwards with all their might!

“Yong Bao!” cheered Nia. “Duck, you found him!” “I heard the avalanche and came right away,” Yong Bao replied. “Whoever was dumb enough to whistle so loudly in an avalanche zone put everyone in danger.”

Thomas blushed, and looked at his buffers in disgrace. “I… I’m sorry Duck,” he said eventually. “I shouldn’t have been so mean. I… I don’t know why you’ve put up with me so far.” “Well, it wouldn’t be very good if you went and rolled down a mountainside,” smirked Duck. “It’s just not the Great Western Way.”

Yong Bao smiled, listening to Duck’s roundabout forgiveness of his friend.

“Here, I will guide you the rest of the way,” he offered. “It is safer.” “Thank you,” said Duck. “We’d really appreciate that. And… maybe our drivers could exchange email addresses?” “Sounds wonderful,” grinned Yong Bao.

***

There was just one last place to go before returning to Sodor.

Duck gasped in astonishment, gazing out over the city of Venice. Thomas and Nia sat on either side of the Pannier tank, all three staring out across the lagoon to where the ancient island city lay, great buildings made of limestone rising up out of the sea.

“It’s incredible,” Duck managed to say, tears in his eyes. He’d actually fulfilled his dream. “I… I never thought I’d ever come here.” “And I never thought I’d leave Africa,” Nia added. “But I got to see the Rainbow Mountains.” “And I never thought I’d leave the yard,” Thomas finished. “But I got to see the world, and I’m glad I got to see it with you both.” “Thank you,” murmured Duck. “It… wasn’t too bad seeing the world with you either.”

They still had a long way to go to get back home to Sodor – a route filled with gorgeous scenery, incredible cities and a trip through the Channel Tunnel – but they weren’t in a hurry. Perhaps there was something to leaving for a little while to see the world, mused Duck.

And as the sun set over the water, the three friends stood on the pier and let the world pass them by, content to spend time together.

Back to Master Post

#fanfiction writer #weirdowithaquill #railway series #thomas the tank engine #railways #traintober 2023 #traintober #ttte duck #ttte thomas #ttte nia #ttte yong bao #bwba #world tour #Duck gets to see the world #BWBA AU #This thing was long - and I had to watch the BWBA movie for it

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spacedoutman · 28 days

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【𝕻𝖞𝖌𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖔𝖓 | 𝕬 𝖐𝖎𝖘𝖘 𝖆𝖚】

(𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 18)

Description: Kiss was the perfect name for the infamous bank robbers who kissed everything goodbye to go out in a blaze of glory. Wreaking havoc on 1930s America, what happens when the chase ends?

♥ Paul Stanley x Reader

Note: I actually got Paul's gun type wrong, it's an m1917, i have to go back and recorrect that. But the bank robbery's finally happening. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: hella anxiety and some violence

𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 17 / 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 1 / 𝖆𝖔3

You pieced your fingers together over the steering wheel, peeing through the mirror. Gene’s coat swung like a red blotch on white as they strode into the bank. You gulped down your fears. Paul’s smile, laugh, face—all rang in your head—‘but he’ll be fine, right?’

Paul sighed deeply. A couple people laughed and chattered as they followed behind. He relaxed, but he knew his darting eyes weren’t helping anything. A man shoved something in his greatcoat pocket as he slumped out. Gene’s gaze followed. Bobby stepped up. Paul followed. His heart thudded in his tight throat. Cold sweat dripped down his temple.

“Long day at work?” The teller’s happy voice flooded their ears. “You look tired.”

The guy in front of them rambled about his day as the two went about their business. Bobby took a long, deep breath. Gene shifted his weight in the corner of Paul’s eye. Paul clutched his wrist.

“Have a good day!” The teller cooed. The man chuckled and pranced off.

The three stepped up. Paul fought himself not to glance over his shoulder. ‘God.. are they okay out there?’ He thought, fighting not to glance at the window. Pillars of sand gladly took his shaking leg’s place. The person behind them sighed harshly, leaning over. Paul’s gaze snapped to Gene—who shifted his weight again. He loosely crossed his arms, looking down and lightly scratching his elbow.

Paul’s lips pursed.

‘What is he doing?’ His own sharp voice pierced his head. ‘He’s going to get us caught!’

Paul swore he could hear Gene’s heart thudding in his ear. ‘I-’

Gene composed himself. “Why hello there!” The teller’s eyes smiled as Gene leaned over the counter, perching his elbow on it and peering like a hawk down through the golden fence. “How do you do?” Paul peered over Gene’s shoulder. Bobby casually looked over the crowd. The teller was a a round-faced older gentleman, straight out of a silent film. His grin was toxic enough to soothe Paul’s nerves.

Paul looked back. Ace swayed a little, lightly scratching his arm and looking at the ground like a television. Paul’s jaw clenched. His gaze veered off to the guard, who stood in the corner—this man was no older than he was. His gelled brown hair framed his pale face. His eyes were large and brown with a sparkle one would have after falling in love or getting their dream job.

He rubbed the back of his neck, gazing at the polished wooden floor.

“Wonderful weather, yeah.” Gene sounded a little too relaxed. “It’s a shame you can’t enjoy it to its full extent, sir.”

Every inch of friendliness in Gene melted ominous. Gene swallowed hard. The bank teller’s eyes widened, his brows pressing down.

“.. Because this,”

Bobby whipped open his coat, spinning to face the crowd, gun in hand. Gene yanked out his rolling block, tossing Paul and Ace their guns. Paul scrambled to catch his.

“Is a stick up.” Gene finished more shakily and sharply than he would’ve liked.

The teller threw up his hands, stepping back. Bobby crept to the crowd. “Put your hands where we can see em’ and no one gets hurt!” He commanded, booming through the smaller bank. The crowd, angry, horrified or straight-faced did as told. Ace’s eyes widened. Bobby loosely gestured for him to come over. Ace froze on trembling legs.

Paul pushed him reassuringly. Ace jogged. Gene barreled around. CRASH! The gate slammed into the fence. The teller grit his teeth. “Unlock it and no one gets hurt!” Gene snapped viciously, mounting his rolling block firmly on his shoulder. White crowded his irises.

“God—god, here.” The teller quickly muttered, jamming his trembling hand in his pocket.

“Hurry the fuck up!”

Ace’s heart banged in his tightening guts. The thought of a bullet splitting him open haunted like whispers as he dug through the crowd’s pockets. A woman held out a shiny pearl necklace. Ace snatched it, swallowing down an apology. Bobby narrowed his eyes. The alarm was clear as a freshly cleaned window. Paul raced around the counter, snatching anything that even looked of value.

Gene blinked back tears. Ace’s breaths went quick and shallow. Paul stopped, clutching his chest as his lungs refused to drag in any air. Ace stumbled to a stop. “Keep going.” Bobby pushed. Ace stormed to the next man, towering over him.

“Gimme’ what you got.” He growled in his best intimidating voice though he shook like a ship in a sea storm.

The man took a deep, rigid breath. He glared up into Ace’s eyes, straightening himself out. Ace looked down, frowning intensely. “Just fuckin’ do it, make it any harder on you and you’ll be on the ground.” Ace knew he didn’t mean that. Ace grit his teeth-The man spit in his face. “You fucking-”

Gene glanced as Ace shoved the man against the wall.

“Stop!” Bobby snapped.

You glanced in the rear view mirror. Tick. Tock. People bustled past the door. No one bustled out of the door. Your heart jumped. You clutched your chest, fighting a war with yourself for even a pinch of control. Your breathing sped up. You rubbed your temple, setting your elbow on the wheel. You’d long pulled off. Cold sweat trickled down your face.

“You wanna play those fuckin’ games?” Ace quietly questioned. “We’ll see who-”

The teller glanced up. His gaze shot knives into Gene, who clutched his gun. “Hurry up!” He thundered. The teller held his chin up as he strode over to the vault. Gene scowled. Paul shot up, racing around the counter. He swept the sweat off his forehead. Bobby glanced at him. Paul glanced at Ace, who muttered threats to the man.

Paul gave a ‘go ahead’ nod. Bobby rushed to pull them apart. Paul pointed his gun at the crowd. “Please, please don’t hurt them!” A man begged.

“Just don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be fine.” Paul firmly replied though his voice broke like glass being stepped on. His blood pumped like hell, pushing every thought from his head.

“What the hell are you doing??” Gene hissed. “Can’t you go any faster?”

“Have you ever opened a safe?” The teller snapped back before-

“I-I’m going to have to ask you to put that down, sir..” A small voice breaking with terror rang through the room.

Paul’s blood ran cold. The guard stood behind the gate, pistol pointed right at Gene’s back. Gene slowly turned around. The guard wobbled so badly he’d fall into himself. “In the name of justice, the law..” He strangled the words from his throat, taking one hell of a hesitant step closer. Saying his hand shook was an understatement.

Paul’s blood ran cold. His head fell off his shoulders. His vision smeared. His head settled for one last moment of peace before--

BANG!

Then it all went silent.

#bank robbery #kiss band #kiss fanfiction #alternate universe #1930s au #x reader #gangsters #kiss gangster au #haha finally updated #fanfic #writeblr #writing

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mosthomoeroticenemies · 1 year

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The Contestants

Cherik (Professor X/Magneto) - X-Men

Fuffy (Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers) - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Megop (Optimus Prime/Megatron) - Transformers

Curtwen (Curt Mega/Owen Carvour) - Spies are Forever

Thoschei (The Doctor/The Master) - Doctor Who

Perryshmirtz (Perry the Platypus/Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz) - Phineas and Ferb

Catradora (Adora/Catra) - She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Soukoku (Osamu Dazai/Chuuya Nakahara) - Bungo Stray Dogs

c!TnTDuo (c!Quackity/c!Wilbur Soot) - Dream SMP

Spy/Supervillain - Genghis Khan by Miike Snow

Batman/Joker - Lego Batman

Wrightworth (Phoenix Wright/Miles Edgeworth) - Ace Attorney

Batjokes (Batman/Joker) - Batman

Lawlight (L/Light Yagami) - Death Note

Bowiugi (Bowser/Luigi) - Mario

Stanarrator (Narrator/Stanley) - The Stanley Parable

Kidlaw (Eustass Kid/Trafalgar Law) - One Piece

Shuake (Goro Akechi/Akira Kurusu) - Persona 5

Cuttletavio (Craig Cuttlefish/DJ Octavio) - Splatoon

Gethan (Rupert Giles/Ethan Rayne) - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Zosan (Roronoa Zoro/Sanji) - One Piece

ChellDOS (Chell/GLaDOS) - Portal

Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot - The New Testament

Gwensuzie (Gwen Cooper/Suzie Costello) - Torchwood

Krisnix (Phoenix Wright/Kristoph Gavin) - Ace Attorney

Griffguts (Guts/Griffith) - Berserk

Hannigram (Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter) - Hannibal

Ghiralink (Ghirahim/Link) - Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Valvert (Javert/Jean Valjean) - Les Miserables

Abestache (Detective Abe Lincoln/Wilford Warfstache) - Markiplier Cinematic Universe

Sasunaru (Naruto/Sasuke) - Naruto

Jedediah/Octavius - Night at the Museum

Nami/Kalifa - One Piece

Gabv1el (V1/Gabriel) - Ultrakill

Kazumaji (Kazuma Kiryu/Goro Majima) - Yakuza

Zukka (Zuko/Sokka) - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ineffable Husbands (Aziraphale/Crowley) - Good Omens

Billford (Bill Cipher/Stanford Pines) - Gravity Falls

Evelyn Deavor/Elastigirl - Incredibles 2

Jennifer Check/Needy Lesnicki - Jennifer’s Body

Kigo (Kim Possible/Shego) - Kim Possible

Sportarobbie (Sportacus/Robbie Rotten) - Lazy Town

Swan Queen (Emma Swan/Regina Mills) - Once Upon a Time

Hardenshipping (Magma Leader Maxie/Aqua Leader Archie) -Pokemon OmegaRuby and AlphaSapphire

Westley/Inigo Montoya - Princess Bride

Sonadow (Sonic/Shadow) - Sonic the Hedgehog

Plabs (Plankton/Mr. Krabs) - SpongeBob SquarePants

Kylux (General Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren) - Star Wars

Johnchurch (Merle Highchurch/John Hunger) - The Adventure Zone: Balance

Basigan (Professor Ratigan/Basil of Baker Street) - The Great Mouse Detective

LonelyEyes (Elias Buchard/Peter Lukas) - The Magnus Archives

Johnjack (Jack Harkness/John Hart) - Torchwood

Blicy (Bloom/Icy) - Winx Club

Riddlebat (Batman/The Riddler) - Batman comics

Shin Soukoku (Atsushi Nakajima/Ryuunosuke Akutagawa) - Bungo Stray Dogs

Snowbaz (Baz Pitch/Simon Snow) - Carry On

Komahina (Nagito Komaeda/Hajime Hinata) - Danganronpa

Wonder Woman/Cheetah - DC

Spamvil (Jevil/Spamton) - Deltarune

Rk1000 (Connor/Markus) - Detroit: Become Human

John McClane/Hans Gruber - Die Hard

Fenders (Fenris/Anders) - Dragon Age 2

Vegekaka (Goku/Vegeta) - Dragon Ball Z

Rapple (Apple White/Raven Queen) - Ever After High

Billdip (Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines) - Gravity Falls

Radiostatic (Vox/Alastor) - Hazbin Hotel

Sirdust (Angel Dust/Sir Pretious) - Hazbin Hotel

Fengqing (Feng Xin/Mu Qing) - Heaven Official’s Blessing

Blitzer (Blitzø/Striker) - Helluva Boss

Martha May Whovier/Betty Lou Who - How the Grinch Stole Christmas

ZaDr (Zim/Dib) - Invader Zim

Sarumi (Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki) - K Project

Metadede (King Dedede/Meta Knight) - Kirby

Gandalf/Sauron - Lord of the Rings

Island Husbands (Ben Linus/John Locke) - Lost

Metromind (Megamind/Metro Man) - Megamind

Sherliam (Sherlock Holmes/William James Moriarty) - Moriarty the Patriot

Bujeet (Buford/Bajeet) - Phineas and Ferb

Grovyle/Dusknoir - Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time, Darkness, and Sky

Shassie (Shawn Spencer/Carlton “Lassie” Lassiter) - Psych

Rayaari (Raya/Namaari) - Raya and the Last Dragon

Tycutio (Mercutio/Tybalt) - Romeo and Juliet

Sherliam (Sherlock Holmes/James Moriarty) - Sherlock

Obikin (Anakin Skywalker/Obi-Wan Kenobi) - Star Wars

Obimaul (Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul) - Star Wars

Oncelax (The Onceler/The Lorax) - The Lorax

Owen Harper/Mark Lynch - Torchwood

Lord Hater/Wander - Wander Over Yonder

Gelphie (Elphaba/Galinda) - Wicked

Cruellanita (Cruella de Vil/Anita) - 101 Dalmations

Angelo Lagusa/Nero Vanetti - 91 Days

Discotrain (The Conductor/DJ Grooves) - A Hat in Time

Klapollo (Klavier Gavin/Apollo Justice) - Ace Attorney

Wrightdot (Godot/Phoenix Wright) - Ace Attorney

Kaneda/Tetsuo - Akira

Sydney Bristow/Lauren Reed - Alias

Ellen Ripley/The Xenomorph - Alien

Zadison (Zoe Benson/Madison Montgomery) - American Horror Story: Coven

Sterling Archer/Barry Dylan - Archer

Y’all (The Poll Takers)/Me (The Poll Maker) - askeletonwar

Just Walk Out!/Papyrus - askeletonwar

Londo Mollari/G’kar - Babylon 5

Rampage/Depth Charge - Beast Wars: Transformers

Pinariz (Riz/Pina) - Beastars

Kunieda Aoi/Hildegarde - Beezlebub

Sebagrell (Grell/Sebastian) - Black Butler

Gus Fring/Walter White - Breaking Bad

Spangel (Spike/Angel) - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Spuffy (Spike/Buffy) - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Winteriron (Tony Stark/The Winter Soldier) - Captain America: Civil War

Stucky (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes) - Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Carulia (Carmen Sandiego/Julia Argent) - Carmen Sandiego

Macavity/Munkustrap - Cats (1998)

Caius Marcius Coriolanus/Tullus Aufidius - Coriolanus

Dean Pelton/Dean Spreck - Community

Shadowghast (Caleb Widogast/Essek Thelyss) - Critical Role

Blumentrio (Caleb Widogast/Eadwulf Grieve/Astrid Becke) -Critical Role

Theopin (Lapin Cadbury/Sir Theobald Gumbar) - D20: A Crown of Candy

Hero/Villain - dannyphantom.exe

Clex (Superman/Lex Luthor) - DC

Babsquinn (Batgirl/Harley Quinn) - DC

Seavil (Jevil/Seam) - Deltarune

Rengoku Kyoujurou/Akaza - Demon Slayer

Mal/Uma - Descendants

Reed800 (Connor/Gavin Reed) - Detroit: Become Human

Ryokira (Akira/Ryo) - Devilman

Maxwil (Maxwell/Wilson) - Don't Starve

Nikki/Mackenzie - Dork Diaries

Gell/Frisky - Dot X

Dr. Horrible/Captain Hammer - Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

Count Dracula/Jonathan Harker - Dracula

Joan Watson/Jamie Moriarty - Elementary

Zerxus Ilerez/Asmodeus - Exandria Unlimited: Calamity

Gratsu (Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster) - Fairy Tail

Gary/John - Faith

Peter Griffin/The Chicken - Family Guy

John Crichton/Scorpius - Farscape

Emiya Archer/Cu Chulainn - Fate Stay Night

Angeal Hewley/Genesis Rhapsodos/Sephiroth - Final Fantasy VII

Cidnero (Nero tol Scaeva/Cid Garlond) - Final Fantasy XIV

Willry (Henry Emily/William Afton) - Five Nights at Freddy’s

Victor Frankenstein/The Monster - Frankenstein

Cure Peach/Eas - Fresh Pretty Cure!

Haikaveh (Alhaitham/Kaveh) - Genshin Impact

Sugio (Sugimoto/Ogata) - Golden Kamuy

Nygmobblepot (Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot) - Gotham

Mabifica (Mabel Pines/Pacifica Northwest) - Gravity Falls

Kagehina (Hinata/Kageyama) - Haikyuu!

#mosthomoeroticenemies #contestants

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justrandomfanfictionskh · 1 year

Text

Dp x Gravity Falls One Shot

(Ford has travelled across multiple dimensions. He has met many beings of various origins and powers. What happens when one of them decides to visit?) ao3

It was just a normal day at the Mystery Shack, where everything was sure to go horribly wrong. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. Waddles was eating the carpet. Stan was committing tax fraud. Mabel was pouring glitter on her eggs. Dipper was mindlessly shoveling food into his mouth while reading. And Ford was breaking something in the secret basement. All was right in the world, as the family blissfully ignored the looming threat of Bill for the thirty minutes it would take them to eat, trash the kitchen, and start an argument between one of the two pairs of twins. Of course their unique form of domesticity had to be interrupted by a swirling green portal of doom suddenly appearing about the kitchen table, causing frost and wind to send the entire kitchen into chaos.

"It's Bill!" Dipper shouted. "Gruncle Ford! Bill is attacking!"

"Just try it you yellow floating freak!" Stan yelled as he pulled out a gun from behind the fridge, "Soos protect the merchandise!"

"Yes sir!" Soos shouted as he ran to the gift shop.

"Not today Satan!" Mabel shouted whipping out her crossbow, "Waddles get behind me!"

The pig looked up from the carpet and then returned to his meal. Maniacal laughter poured from the black and green void, as the Pines readied them selves for battle. Ford burst through the door shouting, "Bill! Where? I thought...Oh no!"

"Gruncle Ford! What do we do?! We're not ready!" Dipper cried.

"Oh Dipper," Ford said somberly, "I'm afraid, that this was caused by something far worse than Bill."

"What?!" the three other Pines screamed.

"Yes! Something far, far worse. I didn't think he'd ever be able to find me! Not in this dimension! I was a fool! I should have known, that he'd never just leave me alone!"

"Who Gruncle Ford? Who?" Mable pleaded, as the wind picked up and the laughter grew.

"My greatest tormentor! The Ruler of the Infinite Realms! The Ghost King!...Danny Phantom!"

A great flash of light blinded everyone in the kitchen, and there was silence. Slowly, the Pines' recovered their vision, and blinked at their new enemy. It was...a boy. A young down no older than sixteen, or fifteen floating lazily above the table without a care in the world. He was clearly not human with his misty white hair and glowing green eyes, so none of them lowered their weapons. And yet...he seemed so young. His bright smile showed too sharp teeth, but it was full of laughter as he surveyed the kitchen. And in his back and white jumpsuit with the stylized D emblem, he almost looked like a super hero. But what confused the family the most was when, upon seeing Ford, the glowing ghost teen threw up his arms and cried,

"Fordy! How you doin' old buddy old pal! I haven't seen you in ages! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be running from a chaos demon or two?"

"Phantom," Ford said gruffly, as the ghost kid circled his head at a dizzying pace, "Good to see you again. Shouldn't you be running an interdimensional kingdom of infinite proportions?"

If this "Danny" heard the growing aggravation in Ford's voice, he obviously didn't care as he slowed lounge in the air in front of the disgruntled scientist and casually said, "Yeah, well I'm taking a break! Fright Knight can handle things while I'm gone, besides I wanted to catch up on all my old friends. See how their doing! Make sure their not all dead, and such! By the way why are there two of you? Haaaaahh! Did some one clone you against you're well, cause buddy I've been there!"

Stan and the twins exchanged confused looks and then turned to Ford as they all slowly lowered their weapons. Finally Ford sighed and said, "No, Phantom, I was not cloned. This is my twin brother, Stanley. You can call him Stan. And these are my great niece and nephew, Dipper and Mabel. Stan, Dipper, Mabel, this is Danny Phantom. He's...a...friend."

It was clear that the word was dragged from Ford's lips as if they'd been pulling teeth. But that didn't stop his family from gasping in shock and wonder, at the absolute miracle before them. Ford had a friend, who...wasn't evil! It was incredible! It took a moment for the rest of the family to comprehend the news before Mabel began to squeal like a tea kettle coming to boil. A sound which was quickly followed by her jumping and shouting,

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Hi! I'm Mabel! It rhymes with table! And you are sooo cool! Are you really a ghost? Are you going to kill us? Can we hang out? Do you have a girl friend? I can't believe Gruncle Ford has a friend! Oh my gosh!"

Danny grinned at the sparkily girl before floating down to he eye level saying, "Hi Mabel, rhymes with table. Yes, I am cool! Yes, I'm a ghost. No I'm not going to kill you. Of course we can hang out! But I do have a girl friend, her name is Sam, and she's the best! And of course I'm Fordy's friend! What else would I be? His enemy?" Phantom let out a roaring laugh at that last comment, but the rest of the family only chuckled nervously as Ford mumbled in annoyance.

Dipper decided to end the awkwardness by stepping forward while clearing his throat. "Ahem...uh, hi! Mr. Phantom, you're majesty. Um...I'm sorry but do you have time to answer one or two thousand questions about yourself, kingdom, and the multiverse please?" He said eagerly sheepish, as he flipped through his journal and began clicking his pen rapidly.

"Wow!" Danny said, "Mini Ford, what do you know! and sure kid I can answer a few questions! But now one or two thousand...how about, you think of three questions for each topic. I'll answer them. And then when I come back, you can ask three more! Sound good, kid?"

"Uh yeah, ok great!" Dipper said, now barley restraining himself from bouncing alongside his sister.

"Wait!" Ford shouted suddenly desperate, "You're planning on visiting? More than once?!"

"Well, yeah dude!" Danny said as he drifted around the kitchen ceiling in lazy circles. "Like I said you're my friend. And I like to make sure my friends are, you know---not dead! Besides, dude! You're like super old! And I mean like really, really, super duper old! I'm surprised you haven't just keeled over by now, I mean seriously dude! How are you even still alive?"

Ford groaned as he rubbed his temples, "Phantom how old do you think I am?"

"I don't know!" Danny said with a smirk, "Like thirty?"

Ford growled, but Stan held him back, clearly trying not to laugh. "Oh, come one now poindexter! Lay off the kid, he's just having a laugh!"

"Stanley," Ford muttered, "Phantom is over four thousand years old! He is the absolute ruler of the afterlife, all after lives! He is the embodiment of balance between life and death! His 'girl friend' is the guardian of nature, meaning that she is technically Mother Nature for the entirety of the multiverse! And this is how he behaves!"

The brothers looked to where Danny holding Dipper's hat just out of reach while the twins laughed, trying to jump for it. Stan just shrugged his shoulders with a roll of his eyes and said, "A kids and kid, poindexter, no matter what crazy, magical, hoody haw is going on! Besides he seems harmless!"

CRASH!!! Everyone jumped and stared at the broken chandelier lying in the center of a shattered table. Perceiving the adults watching them, all three of the kids shouted,

"Dipper did it!"

"Danny did it!"

"Mabel did it!"

Ford facepalmed with a load smack, as Ford grinned and saying, "Oh this is going to be fun!"

However, before anyone could do anything else, Soos ran in with a broom screaming, "Begone foul daemon! Stay away from my dudes! Dude! In the name of the all powerful spirit of Azerath! begone! Now get! Get! Get!" All while trying to swat Danny with the broom as if her were a spider on the ceiling.

"Hey!" Danny shouted, "Not cool man! I'm not a daemon! Leave me alone!"

Stan bellowed in laughter, as the twins tried to get Soos to stop. Which was interrupted by Danny freezing Soos to the floor. Now the three kids, were trying to unfreeze the human gopher, as Stan continued to laugh, and Ford groaned into his hands. "Where's Bill when you need him?" He muttered as he attempted to disappear into the basement. It was going to be a long day. Or week, depending on how long Phantom decided to stay.

#danny phantom #gravity falls #dp x gravity falls #gravity falls x danny phantom crossover #ghost king danny #dipper pines #mabel pines #stan pines #grunkle stan #ford pines #fluff #funny #oneshot #crossover #fanfiction #drabble

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mariana-oconnor · 8 months

Text

The Abbey Grange pt 1

It was on a bitterly cold and frosty morning during the winter of '97 that I was awakened by a tugging at my shoulder. It was Holmes. The candle in his hand shone upon his eager, stooping face and told me at a glance that something was amiss. “Come, Watson, come!” he cried. “The game is afoot. Not a word! Into your clothes and come!”

Watson is a far better person than I am. My response would have been 'fuck off' and a flailing arm to Holmes' face. But Watson is so used to this by now, I guess.

...the air was most bitter and neither of us had broken our fast.

Yeah, I would be so grumpy right now. Cold, hungry, tired. I would be contemplating murder. And Holmes doesn't even explain yet what's going on.

“Stanley Hopkins.”

Oh hai, Stanley.

I can't remember the last time we saw Stanley. Black Peter? He definitely arrested the wrong guy that time. And the internet tells me the Golden Pince-Nez as well, which was the one with the cigarettes that reminded me of Vera or The Nihilists. I think he's okay for the most part.

"I must admit, Watson, that you have some power of selection which atones for much which I deplore in your narratives. Your fatal habit of looking at everything from the point of view of a story instead of as a scientific exercise has ruined what might have been an instructive and even classical series of demonstrations. You slur over work of the utmost finesse and delicacy in order to dwell upon sensational details which may excite, but cannot possibly instruct, the reader.”

Holmes fundamentally misunderstanding the nature of literature. And also following up a rude awakening, a lack of breakfast and a journey through the freezing cold with what is essentially an insult to Watson's writing. The man would be dead by now, I'm telling you.

“Why do you not write them yourself?” I said, with some bitterness.

"As to the release of the lady, it would appear that she has been locked in her room during the tragedy."

Or that's what she wants you to think...

“I'm very glad you have come, Mr. Holmes. And you too, Dr. Watson! But, indeed, if I had my time over again I should not have troubled you, for since the lady has come to herself she has given so clear an account of the affair that there is not much left for us to do."

Well now I really don't trust her.

Lady Brackenstall was no ordinary person. Seldom have I seen so graceful a figure, so womanly a presence, and so beautiful a face.

Watson, I know you're hungry and half asleep and have just been told you got out of bed for no reason, but don't ogle the grieving widow within 24 hours of her husband's grisly death. It's not a good look.

As she did so the loose gown fell back from her forearms. Holmes uttered an exclamation.

This all seems so very staged to me, but I am very cynical and suspicious. The beautiful widow lounging, bereft, in her dressing gown which just happens to fall to reveal evidence of injuries.

But I am cynical and suspicious, we have covered that.

“You have other injuries, madam! What is this?” Two vivid red spots stood out on one of the white, round limbs. She hastily covered it.

Or maybe the reveal was a mistake. Difficult to say at that time. "white, round limbs" is such a bizarre way to describe an arm. I guess it's accurate... but still. Weird.

"...Sir Eustace was a confirmed drunkard. To be with such a man for an hour is unpleasant. [...] It is a sacrilege, a crime, a villainy to hold that such a marriage is binding. I say that these monstrous laws of yours will bring a curse upon the land—Heaven will not let such wickedness endure.”

"There is no one else, and no sound could alarm those who are in the farther wing. This must have been well known to the robbers, or they would not have acted as they did."

Or it was well known to someone who lives in the house? That seems more likely than the robbers knowing. I mean it sure is convenient that the robbers who were conveniently mentioned in the paper the other day conveniently knew that about your house and conveniently killed your drunk abusive husband, while you were conveniently locked in your room and unable to do anything about it. Woe.

If you killed your husband, I honestly wouldn't blame you. Like you said, divorce should absolutely have been available to you, but it wasn't. So... eh?

"I have already told you, have I not, that one was elderly, with a beard, and the others young, hairless lads. They might have been a father with his two sons."

You were doing so well until you emphasised this bit. You might as well have said 'you know, like those people I read about in the newspaper'. Don't overplay your hand. Keep it subtle. And why would they leave you alive after you just saw them murder your husband and you know their faces. That would be exceptionally sloppy of them.

“I saw the men before ever they came into the house,” said she. “As I sat by my bedroom window I saw three men in the moonlight down by the lodge gate yonder, but I thought nothing of it at the time."

Maid is in on it. Good for her.

"...she never wanted courage, did Miss Mary Fraser of Adelaide, and Lady Brackenstall of Abbey Grange hasn't learned new ways."

Might as well have said 'she's absolutely capable of killing her husband and framing someone else for it.'

An abstruse and learned specialist who finds that he has been called in for a case of measles would experience something of the annoyance which I read in my friend's eyes.

And I sincerely hope he would hide that annoyance and treat the measles to the best of his ability.

These details only struck our attention afterwards, for our thoughts were entirely absorbed by the terrible object which lay upon the tiger-skin hearthrug in front of the fire.

I feel like they only struck you afterwards, Watson. I feel like Holmes probably assessed them all pretty much immediately.

"One would have expected that they would have silenced Lady Brackenstall as well.”

“They may not have realized,” I suggested, “that she had recovered from her faint.” “That is likely enough. If she seemed to be senseless they would not take her life."

Not sure I get this logic. She still definitely saw their faces earlier. Why would her being unconscious affect this?

"There was a scandal about his drenching a dog with petroleum and setting it on fire..."

Well fuck him, then.

I mean... Am I now expected to feel any sympathy for this man at all? He beats his wife, he burns her dog alive. And he wasn't arrested for that? May his soul rot in hell. May his body be eaten by worms and recycled into something that will actually do some good in the world.

"good-hearted man when he was sober"? If he had it in him to burn a dog alive, then, my dude, respectfully, I think he was just good at hiding it when he was sober. Good-hearted men do not just start murdering puppies when they get drunk.

Can't believe we've now actually got a puppy murderer and we're supposed to care who killed him.

Also, Stanley, this is the same as the Black Peter case. No one cared that he was dead, either. Let's just all agree not to care about this one.

Holmes was down on his knees examining with great attention the knots upon the red cord with which the lady had been secured.

Do they look like they were tied by the person who was in them rather than by another person? Or do we think the maid tied her up?

"There can be no doubt that this fellow must have known the house and its habits. He must have perfectly understood that the servants would all be in bed at that comparatively early hour, and that no one could possibly hear a bell ring in the kitchen."

Stanley. Stanley... the most likely explanation for that is that it was someone in the household instead of a burglar. Please engage your critical thinking skills.

Or not, because honestly, she should probably get away with this one.

"And yet you must admit that the three glasses are very remarkable, Hopkins. What, you see nothing remarkable! Well, well, let it pass. Perhaps when a man has special knowledge and special powers like my own it rather encourages him to seek a complex explanation when a simpler one is at hand."

"Of course, it must be a mere chance about the glasses. Well, good morning, Hopkins. I don't see that I can be of any use to you, and you appear to have your case very clear. You will let me know when Randall is arrested, and any further developments which may occur. I trust that I shall soon have to congratulate you upon a successful conclusion."

This whole section strikes me as the exact moment Holmes finalises what had happened and decides to just let Lady Brackenstall get away with it. I might be mistaken. But the interruption of that thought line about the glasses.

'Oh, there's something strange about these, haven't you noticed there's something stra-n-g-e a-b... No, you know what? Never mind. It's just my mind overcomplicating things. Nothing wrong with the glasses. You're clearly right about everything. Good day.'

Stanley really does pick his cases, huh? I think every victim he's had has been pretty much a terrible person who was pretty much justifiably murdered as far as the narrative is concerned.

#Letters from Watson #The Abbey Grange #Sherlock Holmes #long post

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solomon-tozer · 11 months

Text

Select bits from Sir John's funeral that I just love...

So we have Crozier reading out the part about Jacob dreamed about a ladder, set upon the earth, "and the top of it reaching to the heavens"...

...as we see Collins and Stanley, the two characters whose mental health is a defining part of their character arcs.

Then, "Behold the Lord stood above it and he said, 'I am with thee ...'" as the focus shifts to Goodsir.

"'... and will keep thee in all places, wherever thou goest'".

Goodsir, who later questions "is God here?"

The following line and shot are "'for I will not leave thee'" as we see Jopson and Blanky.

The two men Crozier left. Blanky knew Crozier was, just earlier that day, planning to leave them. Jopson likely knew, as it's remarked later that he knows everything, and perhaps he's the one who tidied away the unsealed letter and wax.

Then the Terror lieutenants, with MacDonald too. "And in Jacob's dream he saw the invisible world, companion to the known one we perceive."

The men who were privy to Crozier's alcoholism, and were part of maintaining that separation between officers and men... but also Hickey and Irving 'perceived' Hickey's true nature.

So, of course, when we have: "So complete it would seem to leave no room for its invisible brother world" as we see Hickey...

that otherness, that not belonging, keeping out of sight, experiencing thing in such a different way but no one notices or even thinks it's there...

And then going back to a shot of the men gathered at Sir John's funeral. "The departed..."

"...who though cleaved from the frame that carried them yet live." They are all departed. Dead. Crozier is the only one who doesn't die, but he certainly doesn't 'stay' in the world he's expected to.

The contrast of the words of virtue and strength, from scripture and used to describe Sir John and saying he's "destined to reign with Christ forever", being heard as we see Hickey in Gibson's cabin.

The white glove over the hand that will offer up Hickey's tongue, his left hand reverently touching the spot, the fact that, all that time later, Hickey has come to believe that he can be a new god and reign...

Finally, for this post, we have "and see His truth amongst us" as Hickey reads Crozier's resignation letter, discovering the truth of Crozier's actions.

And not one of them is god, or has the truth. They are all in this terrible place where the sun has set, in this strange world they don't understand, in this "invisible world of spirits".

There's so much in this scene, so many links, that I just lose my mind every time.

#the terror amc #my post #terror meta #i could ramble about this scene for so damn long #this'll have to do for now #it's a quick skim of things that happen in my brain when i see it #but yes please enjoy and please rewatch and describe all the shrimp colours you see in this #i feel like that deranged little guy from it's always sunny with his links/connections map #ugh there's so much hickey stuff a;ldkjf;dsfj and the gibson bit #the invisible world present for jacob you say as you cut to gibson???#the guy closest to hickey and whose bed hickey is currently befouling????#like the implication that gibson somehow let hickey 'in' is undoing me because it's kinda true right???#he's the one who sets a lot of stuff in motion #he's also the one who does the grumble grumble 'we could make a go of it for ourselves' when they abandon ship #lets hickey in lets him out lifts him up #and he's the one hickey kills and *transcends* from consuming #like that guy realises he's a god as he consumes the man he loved #without gibson would hickey have been brought in so easily? made real?#i mean yeah he would because story and whatnot but...#let's just consider for a moment if their relationship had been different...#anyway hickey is very real for gibson

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marsalta-alt · 11 months

Note

Let me recap the romances of my tomodachi life island

1 - Meka and Stanley - Currently dating. Basic white man and traumatised goddess??

2 - Mori and Levi - Mori was rejected. Mori and Levi are the exact same person.

3 - Wilbur and Chia(Chiaki) - Told Wilbur no. Chiaki is 19. Thats not happening sir

Wilbur.

Sir.

In one universe you have 1 boyfriend.

In another you have 2 boyfriends.

Then in another you have a narrator husband.

PICK BETTER.

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misterah13 · 1 year

Text

All SpongeBob characters

SpongeBob SquarePants

Gary The Snail

Shelley The Scallop

Patrick Star

Squidward Tentacles

Sandy Cheeks

Mr Eugene H Krabs

Sheldon J Plankton

Karen Plankton

Mrs Penelope Puff

Pearl Krabs

Larry The Lobster

The Flying Dutchman

King Neptune

Queen Amphitrite

Triton

Princess Mindy

Jody

King Neptune’s Mother

Mermaid Man

Barnacle Boy

Pyrite Ponderer

Miss Appear

The Elastic Waistband

Captain Magma

The Quickster

Madame Kassandra

Madame Hagfish

Squilvia

Squidette

Squidina Star

Bunny Star

Cecil Star

Herb Star

Margie Star

Grand Pat

Uncle GrandPat

Inga Star

Ed Star

Sam Star

Silly Star

Confused Star

Hungry Star

Ice Cream King

Elephant Snail

Moose Snail

Squilliam Fancyson

Man Ray

Dirty Bubble

Harold SquarePants

Margaret SquarePants

Grandma SquarePants

Grandpa SquarePants

Todd SquarePants

Burger Beard

Prawn

Craig Mammalton

Rosy Cheeks

Macadamia

Pistachio

Hazelnut

Kenny The Cat

Doctor Marmalade

Professor Percy

Lord Reginald

Atomic Flounder

Jumbo Shrimp

Sinister Slug

The Octopus King

The Moth

Kelp Thing

Clam Head Candy Cad

Jeff Tentacles

Kevin C Cucumber

Gordon Plankton

Mama Plankton

Betsy Krabs

Redbeard Krabs

Krabs Senior

Mrs Tentacles

Jeff Tentacles

Plankton’s Ancestors, Cousins and Family

Grandma Plankton

Spot The Amoeba

Chip Plankton

Lighthouse Louie

Otto

King Poseidon

Sage

Tony The Sea Turtle

Sea Turtles

Anchor Man

Buford

Cletus

Luther

Wonder Whale

Robot Mantis

King Jellyfish

Queen Jellyfish

Jellyfish

Blue Crested Blaster Jellyfish

Speckled Squirter Jellyfish

Two Fisted Jumper Jellyfish

Gold Throated Singer Jellyfish

No Name/Friend The Blue Jellyfish

Ol Bessy The Jellyfish

Dopey Dick The White Jellyfish

Firejellies

Jellybee

Jelliens

Jellien Leader

Seahorses

Sea Urchin

Clamu

Jennifer The Sea Anemone

Comb Jelly

Stingray

Stan The Manta Ray

Gulper Eel

Wormy

Professor Percy

Dr Marmalade

Lord Reginald

Fuzzy Acorns

Mystery The Seahorse

Sea Whelks

Sea Snails

Penny Pinchers

Alaskan Bill Worm

The Sneaky Hermit

Hermit Crab

Yeti Crab

Federico The Waiter

Shrimp

Brine Shrimp/Sea Monkeys

Johnny Krill

Krill

Snellie

Sea Slug

Leech

Eel

Stanley S SquarePants

Captain Blue SquarePants

BlackJack SquarePants

Bubbles The Talking Dolphin

Janitor Bots

Ancient Warrior

Manatees/Sea Cows

Earless Seals

Bubble Buddy

Squidabeth

Clams

Karen Plankton 2.0

E.M.I.LP.

Fredrick

Abominable Snow Mollusk

Mermaid Teenager 1

Mermaid Teenager 2

Mermaid Teenager 3

Mermaid Teenager 4

Mermaid Teenager 5

Mermaid Teenager Incidentals

Mermaid 1 (The Cosmic Shake)

Mermaid 2 (The Cosmic Shake)

Mermaid 3 (The Cosmic Shake)

Sir Urchin

Snail Fail

Tooth Fairy (Character)

Narlene Narwhal

Nobbert Nobby Narwhal

Mr Eugene Krabs’s Three Nephews

Noseferatu

Captain Of The Sea Ship Atlantis

Lord Royal Highness

Atlantean Royal Guards

Nando

Worm Hogs

Sea Tiger

Sea Elephant

Sea Giraffe

Sea Bunnies

Sea Bears

Sea Rhinoceros

Sea Baboons

Sea Hippo

Sea Snakes

Sewer Snake

Sea Monsters

Sea Monster

Worms

Atlantean Citizens

The Greek Chorus

French Narrator

Goofy Goober

Mr Sun

Patchy The Pirate

Potty The Parrot

Stephen Hillenburg

#misterah13

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fraiserabbit · 2 years

Photo

Smudger was about to bite into his turkey club sandwich until he saw Duncan opening his mouth to speak. “What’s, er, what’s tha’ pin mean? The ‘Sylvie’ one.” Smudger slowly looked down at it, then pointedly resumed his lunch. “Oh, come on, Stanley!”

“Hey, what’d I say about calling me that?” Smudger shot a look at his co-worker.

Duncan huffed. Both men continued their lunch break in silence, all the while Duncan was glancing over at the pin he’d been so curious about. Once Smudger started cleaning up to get back to work, Duncan decided to try again. “So…that pin.”

“What? Why d’you need to know so much?”

Duncan shot his hands up. “Hey, I’m just a wee bit curious! Can’t a guy be curious?”

Smudger rolled his eyes. “She was someone I knew.” He began his walk to Duncan’s engine sitting on the other side of the yard, the Driver following close behind. “When I was stationed in France. Great kid.”

“And you got a whole pin with her name?” Duncan was now walking beside his fireman. “She must’ve made quite the impression!”

“Yes! She made those two years bearable.” Smudger laughed, fondly remembering what little time they had together. “Sylvie had quite an attitude. A lot like you, actually.” Duncan stuck his tongue out, and Smudger smiled. “I recall she wanted to be a pilot. Y’know, see the world. And one day visit me in America.”

“And is she? I mean, I think it’s been enough time since.”

At this, Smudger clenched his jaw. His smile had vanished, and his eyes focused to the front. “Let’s get back to work.”

Duncan stopped in his tracks, confused. “Why’d you…” His brows furrowed. “No! Hang on! Why’d you get like that all of a sudden?” The sudden rise in his co-worker’s voice halted Smudger in his tracks. It had also caused a few nearby workers to turn their heads. “You cannae just ignore me like that, Smudger.”

Smudger turned around, fists clenched, and marched right up to Duncan. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Duncan stood his ground, unflinching. “Tell me. What happened. To Sylvie.”

The altercation had caught a few more eyes. Peter Sam frantically waved a hand in front of his neck, motioning Duncan to stop talking. Sir Handel stared in awe at the audacity of his co-worker. Rusty sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. It seemed Peter Sam’s attempts to shut Duncan up were in vain though.

Smudger scowled. “You don’t need that information.”

“What, didja fall out with her or something?”

“Never.” Smudger was fuming, his knuckles turning white.

“What happened? You never kept in touch? Never bothered?”

Smudger’s eyes widened, horrified. His hands were shaking. “How dare you—”

Duncan raised an eyebrow, seeming to not notice Smudger seething. “I thought you cared for this kid.”

“She was everything to me!” Smudger screamed, and a fist flew towards Duncan’s face.

---

“You’re rather clueless, aren’t you?” Peter Sam tutted, dressing Duncan’s cut lip.

“That was a disaster!” Sir Handel cackled, and Duncan shot him a tired look that tried to look menacing. “I mean, like…wow, you’re stupid!”

“You are actually the biggest fucking idiot.” Rusty commented, shaking his head.

#thomas and friends #ttte #ttte smudger #ttte humanized #✍🐇#some creative writing #UtE AU

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stachebracket · 1 year

Text

Round One 'Stache Match-ups

Peppino Spaghetti (Pizza Tower) vs Professor Rowan (Pokémon) Geppetto (Pinocchio 1940) vs Tim Lockwood (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)The Lorax (The Lorax) vs William Riker (Star Trek: Next Generation) The President (Pikmin) vs King Dice (Cuphead) Nigel Thornberry (The Wild Thornberrys) vs Kratos (God of War) Filbrick Pines (Gravity Falls) vs Mouse Kaboom (Happy Tree Friends) Tarzan's Dad (Tarzan 1999) vs Drayden (Pokémon) Morshu (Legend of Zelda) vs Magikarp (Pokémon) Luigi (Super Mario) vs Snidely Whiplash (Rocky and Bullwinkle) Dracula (Castlevania) vs Gaepora (Legend of Zelda) Hades (Hades) vs Geralt (The Witcher) Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction) vs Walrus Captain (A Hat in Time) Dr. Wily (Megaman) vs Charlie Swan (Twilight) King of All Cosmos (Katamari) vs Hizashi "Present Mic" Yamada (My Hero Academia) Drake (Pokémon) vs Craigor Smiff (Red Stitch Report) Blaine (Pokémon) vs Gimli (The Lord of the Rings)

Eggman (Sonic) vs Lando Calrissian (Star Wars) Archibald Dandy (The Adventures of Captain Wrongel) vs Walter White (Breaking Bad) Mung Daal (Chowder) vs Linebeck III (Legend of Zelda) Kingambit (Pokémon) vs Doc Louis (Punch-Out!!) Major Alex Louis Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist) vs Doctor Neo Cortex (Crash Bandicoot) Soichiro Yagami (Death Note) vs Murro Morton (Identity V) Baron Zeppeli (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 1: Phantom Blood) vs J. Jonah Jameson (Marvel) Wulfric (Pokémon) vs Henry Henderson (Spy x Family) Gashu Satou (Your Turn to Die) vs Stanley Hudson (The Office) Alolan Golem (Pokémon) vs Landorus (Pokémon) King Harkinian (Legend of Zelda) vs Thundurus (Pokémon) Gustavo (Pizza Tower) vs Tornadus (Pokémon) Broque Monsieur (Mario & Luigi) vs Cadmus Ebcott (Red Stitch Report) Rhys Strongfork (Borderlands) vs Agustín Madrigal (Encanto) Bob Belcher (Bob's Burgers) vs Soseki Natsume (The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles) Oscar (Duolingo) vs Professor Turo (Pokémon)

Soda Popinski (Punch-Out!!) vs Mario (Super Mario) Cliff Clavin (Cheers) vs King River Butterfly (Star vs the Forces of Evil) Stoutland (Pokémon) vs Grandpa Harley (Homestuck) Von Kaiser (Punch-Out!!) vs The Captain (BBC Ghosts) Mustache Girl (A Hat in Time) vs Tobias Fünke (Arrested Development) Chat Noir (Miraculous Ladybug) vs Randy Marsh (South Park) Wario (Super Mario) vs Gandalf (The Lord of the Rings) Kevin Ayuso (Identity V) vs Mr Pickels (Happy Tree Friends) Inigo Montoya (The Princess Bride) vs Minimus Ambus (Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye) Kricketune (Pokémon) vs Eldstar (Paper Mario) Jane Crocker (clever disguise) (Homestuck) vs Advisor Mung (Hypnagogia 無限の夢 Boundless Dreams) Saguaro (Pokémon) vs Revolver Ocelot (Metal Gear Solid) GOING TO REMATCH Waluigi (Super Mario) vs Vincenzo Santorini (Atlantis: The Lost Empire) Mr. Rime (Pokémon) vs Raikou (Pokémon) Sportacus (Lazy Town) vs Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation) Steven Magnet (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) vs Sir Humphrey Bone (BBC Ghosts) Sea Hawk (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power) vs Duster (Mother 3) Varrick (The Legend of Korra) vs King Bradley (Fullmetal Alchemist) Omni-Man (Invincible) vs Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (Doctor Who) William Murderface Murderface Murderface (Metalocalypse) vs Lolorito Nanarito (Final Fantasy XIV) Mumbo Jumbo (Hermitcraft) vs Probopass (Pokémon) The Toy Soldier (The Mechanisms) vs Chancellor Cole (Legend of Zelda) Alakazam (Pokémon) vs Entei (Pokémon) Thom Merrilin (The Wheel of Time) vs James Gordon (DC Comics) Gomez Addams (The Addams Family) vs Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) GOING TO REMATCH Asgore Dreemurr (Undertale) vs Taryon Gary Darrington (Critical Role) Julius Pringle (Pringles) vs Netero (Hunter x Hunter) Dudley (Street Fighter) vs Barret Wallace (Final Fantasy VII) BJ Hunnicutt (M*A*S*H) vs Daruk (Legend of Zelda) Mabosstiff (Pokémon) vs Vito Corleone (The Godfather) Cervantes (Fire Emblem) vs Don Paolo (Professor Layton) Gordan Freeman (Half-Life) vs Zangief (Street Fighter)

#stachebracket #stacheupdates

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thepoehoes · 3 months

Text

hello hi welcome to unhinged recaps. todays’s episode is chapter 18 aka tears are streaming down my face.

of course we start off this page with Annabella immediately getting chomped on by her big body built rogue boyfriend because what other way is there to start this? did you expect normal circumstance? you seriously need to stop doing that.

so, Mr. Scorpion wants to play a lil game with Bella, he’s always been a fan of twister and wants to put her ass through the works. he’s a fucking weirdo but he’s hot so it’s okay. anyways, he’s got a grip on her and starts whispering something about “little rabbit” as if we aren’t in the room.

like, sir, aren’t you watching where you’re going? don’t you see us right here? keep your possessive little prey nicknames to yourself idc how hot they are.

he’s pulling all these touchy talky tactics and Bella is going through it. you’d think that someone like her who is already in the trenches because, let’s not forget, her mom is literally missing and doing fuckall in the middle of nowhere, would be like “mm get off” but no. Bella is thriving. good for her.

Damon, being a large gremlin, is getting his hands all over her which they both enjoy. he’s acting like a man dying of thirst with the way he’s kissing her. someone get this man real water before he gets cotton mouth bro i stg.

all his kissing, touching, and sucking has got Bella trembling like a literal leaf. her body is electrifying itself, she’s overheating, she’s combusting and exploding at the seems. she is hotter then the drama between Lana del Rey and Lorde all because Damon’s got both magic fingers and magic tongue. bro is a wizard.

Damon’s got Bella in the hot tub and he’s legit right in between her legs, she’s spread eagle like Patrick Star in fishnets. He’s down there having the time of his life being a sex God or some shit but he wants more. he wants to hear Bella beg a little but ofc it’s never that simple.

Bella is not one to beg, she ain’t no little bitch. she’s a soldier who can take her pleasure into her own hands so she attempts, keyword being attempts. legit the second her fingers touched her own clit Damon gets more offended than white girls who didn’t get those Valentine’s Day Stanley cups.

she is, quite literally, shaking in need but Damon doesn’t give a shit. if she didn’t say please, his tongue would simply leave the function (her clit) and she’s be stuck there for ages. after some denial and pinning down though Bella gives in and lets out that little please Damon’s been hounding for.

you get the picture at this point. sex freaks start doing sex things. Damon worships Bella both inside and out, she figures out she can squirt and nearly drowns the whole god damn building, then they get out the water and go to their room.

now, I wanna point out that at this point in the story we don’t get much of Damon’s history other then the gang he’s in and his dads a cunt. when he plops Bella onto the bed she gets a good look at his back and what does she see? scars. whip scars.

bro has whip scars like he’s James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser, the old scotland special.

anyways, it’s drama. drama trauma drama, very sad shit is said. not only is Damon’s dad a dick he is also an abuser. i wish death upon this man but that’s too merciful so we need to come up with a better plan.

after they have their little turmoil moment they pass tf out and sleep like normal people. this is the most normal behavior i’ve seen either of them display the entire fucking book. next morning Bella wakes up wondering “hey where’s my big ass damn ass boyfriend” and assumes he’s downstairs whipping it up in the kitchen but uh oh, he’s not there. the other girlies are lingering around but Damon is no where in sight because ofc he isn’t. if this was normal circumstance, he’d be there but we established that normal doesn’t EXIST.

Bella asked the other members of The Bad Girls Club where her lil freak is and they tell her they’re not sure. they notice his car is gone and try to justify it, but that’s when the smart himbo aka JJ connects the dots and realizes that Damon isn’t just taking a stroll, he’s fucking missing.

immediately alarms go off. the white boy is gone, someone save him. oh, and JJ tells Bella that a group called Black Ace is ACTIVELY OUT FOR DAMON.

my brother in Christ, be so fucking for real. why admit this now? why wait 295839938 days to tell her that? literally get away from me.

now normally someone would call the cops, someone would call 911 to report Damon missing but we can’t do that. let’s remember these idiots, minus Bella and Maisie, are all part of a criminal gang because of course they are. have you been listening? ITS NEVER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCE.

back on track. everyone is in a panic, Bella is legit on the verge of a breakdown. she’s about to become as depressed as Bella Swan and we can’t have that. naturally, they pack up and haul off and JJ is honestly at more of a turmoil than Bella. he is truly about to flip the car but Maisie, being a boss ass bitch, tells him to chillax. they fly 90 down the road trying to figure out what’s wrong, where’s Damon, what’s happening. Bella thinks he’s dead, JJ is ready to rip heads off, Maisie is worried, and Matt just wants to go home.

#freematt2024

anyways, they find Damon’s crashed ass beat busted up Mercedes in the middle of some random field. ofc this happened, why wouldn’t it? he is prime crashing and kidnapping material, if I saw a face like his i’d snatch him up to. this isn’t about me kidnapping him tho, this is about the book.

so yeah, the car is found but Damon is no where to be seen. again. all he does is fucking disappear like dude, get a grip it’s not hard to stay in one place. seek church or therapy for your ghostly disappearing issues and stop pissing me off. i love him so much.

with no Damon in the broken car JJ, Matt, and Bella start tweaking because holy fuck he’s gone… and that’s where the chapter ends. you get no more context and instead we suffer until next chapter.

thank you for coming to the yap session, i am in your ceiling

- Sofi

(raven when i catch you)

#dark romance #his dark obsession #rxvengirl #yapping #unhinged #unhinged recap #wattpad original #wattpad romance #someone come get yalls groupie of idiots #i love them so much that i can’t stand them

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isay · 5 months

Text

Your required reading for the day…

I consider myself to know quite a bit about the history of English football but Frank Soo’s story is one that I’d never heard before. He was an English player with a Chinese father, and captain of one of England’s biggest teams pre war days, Stoke City (who Sir Stanley Matthew’s played for), and yet he’s largely been forgotten now, despite his achievements.

Well worth a look.

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mariana-oconnor · 9 months

Text

Black Peter pt 3

After my last letter, you may have assumed that the case was entirely concluded with the arrest of John Hopley Neligan by Inspector Hopkins, however it was not so!

You don't say!

"Stanley Hopkins's methods do not commend themselves to me. I am disappointed in Stanley Hopkins. I had hoped for better things from him."

Oh, Stanley Hopkins. And you were doing so well. Alas, alack!

“What, then, is the alternative?” “The line of investigation which I have myself been pursuing."

Is this the thing where he was stabbing a pig corpse with a spear? I'm not sure that will stand up in court. But also he was saying that he couldn't do it in a single thrust, so I'm guessing that means that someone must have shot Captain Carey with a harpoon gun, rather than stabbing him with the harpoon, especially to stick him to the wall like that. They could have shot him from a distance away. Or he shot himself and this is all an accident.

We literally only have one named suspect at this point, though, and he can't have done it because he's already been arrested for it.

"‘Sumner, Shipping Agent, Ratcliff Highway. Send three men on, to arrive ten to-morrow morning.—Basil.’"

OK, so yes, this has to do with the stuff he was doing before.

The young detective was in high spirits at his success.

“It seems to me to have only one drawback, Hopkins, and that is that it is intrinsically impossible. Have you tried to drive a harpoon through a body? No? Tut, tut, my dear sir..."

Yeah, Stan. How could you have gone through this entire case and not attempted to stab a pig with a spear? Shoddy police work. Buffoonery. Utter clown show.

The precursors here of the modern forensics you see being performed on crime shows to this day. Literally down to using pigs because they're the closest equivalent to human flesh available.

But yeah, Stanley. Go stab a pig. It will also help you take out the anger you undoubtedly feel right now.

"My friend Watson could tell you that I spent a whole morning in that exercise."

This makes it sound like Watson was watching him do it. Which... different kind of date, I've got to say. Watson would probably do it, though.

His hopes and his ambitions were all crumbling about him. But he would not abandon his position without a struggle.

Come on, Stanley. You're better than this. Don't risk putting an innocent man in jail.

The first who entered was a little ribston-pippin of a man, with ruddy cheeks and fluffy white side-whiskers.

OMG it's Father Christmas! Was this his response to Carey's daughter's Christmas wish. Full service Santa Claus to the rescue.

I'm not sure if this is a first, but it feels like it: a character being compared to fruit rather than an animal. (A pippin is an apple). This is honestly kind of an adorable description, so I automatically don't think it's the guilty party. But he's great. Love him. Perfect character, no notes.

The second man was a long, dried-up creature, with lank hair and sallow cheeks.

Are these guys going to get progressively more unpleasant descriptions? Or is it going to be more the good, the bad, and the just right. Goldilocks and the Three Sailors.

The third applicant was a man of remarkable appearance. A fierce bull-dog face was framed in a tangle of hair and beard, and two bold dark eyes gleamed behind the cover of thick, tufted, overhung eyebrows.

Clearly a criminal. Although usually 'bull-dog' is reserved as a descriptor for police officers. Is this guy related to Lestrade?

Seems kind of mean that Holmes lured them all in with promise of a job, though. Rude. While they're busy running after an opportunity that doesn't even exist, other positions are being filled. They need to make a living, Sherlock.

Holmes leaned over his shoulder and passed both hands over his neck.

Did Holmes just come up behind the guy and put his arms over his shoulders? Really? That's such a weird way to do this. How do you even get handcuffs on a guy that way? Wouldn't it have been easier to do that from further down?

“I must really apologize, Hopkins,” said Sherlock Holmes; “I fear that the scrambled eggs are cold."

Cardinal offence. Cold scrambled eggs are practically a declaration of war.

“I make no complaint of being man-handled in this fashion..."

"You say I murdered Peter Carey; I say I killed Peter Carey, and there's all the difference."

There is a distinction, that's why there are different words for it and everything.

"I knew Black Peter, and when he pulled out his knife I whipped a harpoon through him sharp, for I knew that it was him or me."

Self defence. Well, I'm fine with that. Seems pretty cut and dried. He had a knife. Really, he did only have himself to blame.

"Peter Carey was master of the Sea Unicorn..."

"So far as I know, the man's name was never mentioned, and on the second night he disappeared as if he had never been."

Seems a likely story.

"Only one man knew what had happened to him, and that was me, for with my own eyes I saw the skipper tip up his heels and put him over the rail in the middle watch of a dark night, two days before we sighted the Shetland lights."

I mean, technically that's two men: you and the murderer. Unless the Skipper was a woman... which I'm pretty sure they weren't because it was Captain Carey, so... two people knew what had happened to him. Three including the dead guy, who probably doesn't count as he was dead, but he knew while it was going on. So... not to be pedantic or something, but really 'Only one living man knows' or 'Only three men knew'... Not that I'm pedantic at all.

"I guessed that he had done the deed for the sake of what was in that tin box, and that he could afford now to pay me well for keeping my mouth shut."

Oh no. Like, rule number one of being in a murder mystery, my dude. Don't do blackmail. It's the most direct path to death in these things. The second rule is never say out loud something that indicates you might have seen something but 'just need to check' before you tell anyone. Either way, you're dead.

This guy actually survived, but he did become the culprit, so... blackmail. Never worth it.

Though I think we're all agreed that he did the world a favour.

“Now I'll tell you the queerest part of the whole story."

You mean that wasn't the part where you admitted you didn't mind being tied up and manhandled by three other men? Seriously?

"For my part I walked ten miles, got a train at Tunbridge Wells, and so reached London, and no one the wiser."

I have questions. For instance, earlier Cairns says 'I stood there, with his blood splashing round me...' And he doesn't mention cleaning himself up at any point. Did he miraculously not get any of the 'splashing' blood on him, or was he just exaggerating the gore (although it was stated earlier to be a very gruesome crime scene) or did everyone just ignore him on the train covered in blood because this is the British public transport system and it's none of their business?

"I say again that if I killed Black Peter the law should give me thanks, for I saved them the price of a hempen rope.”

I mean... this is once again the old 'if you kill a killer the number of killers in the world stays the same' thing. You'd have to kill more than one murderer to actually save them any rope, if they hang you. At the moment they're just even. And given that they wouldn't have caught Carey anyway, they're technically down if they do hang you.

"This room is not well adapted for a cell, and Mr. Patrick Cairns occupies too large a proportion of our carpet.”

The reduction of carpet space is, of course, the main reason why keeping a prisoner in your sitting room is a bad idea.

"I was convinced that the initials ‘P.C.’ upon the pouch were a coincidence, and not those of Peter Carey, since he seldom smoked, and no pipe was found in his cabin."

I did forget about the initials on the pouch. Even though I remembered the pouch because I thought Carey didn't seem like the kind of man to share his tobacco.

"If it were a seaman, it could only be a seaman who had been with him on the Sea Unicorn."

"I spent three days in wiring to Dundee, and at the end of that time I had ascertained the names of the crew of the Sea Unicorn in 1883."

Every. Time.

I therefore spent some days in the East-end, devised an Arctic expedition.

Hey! You know what creatures you might see on an Arctic expedition?

Do you know?

Do you?

???

What? What did you think I was going to say?

“You must obtain the release of young Neligan as soon as possible,” said Holmes. “I confess that I think you owe him some apology."

Do they make cards that say 'Sorry I imprisoned you for a crime you did not commit?' Also... when did gift baskets become a thing?

"If you want me for the trial, my address and that of Watson will be somewhere in Norway—I'll send particulars later.”

Are they... actually going on the Arctic expedition? Are they taking Mr Lancaster of the apple cheeks? Are they going to explore the fjords?

Did you really organise an actual Arctic expedition? Are you going to pretend to be Captain Basil the whole time?

(Also, does Watson still have his practice, or did he just give that to the guy who lived next door?)

I believe I have read The Norwood Builder, which is coming next, because I recognise the title. We shall see how much I actually remember. Probably not a lot, going by what I've remembered of the ones I know I've read so far.

#Letters from Watson #Sherlock Holmes #Black Peter #long post

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richmond-rex · 2 years

Note

so I've just gotten into the Wars of the Roses and this is probably gonna be a rant but it's so, so annoying that so many people claim to be Yorkist fans but are in actuality just die-hard fans for Richard III. I have never seen them care about any other Yorkist family member. Edward IV, from what I see, is pretty unfairly dismissed/forgotten as English monarchs go, and most people who claim to love the "House of York" only view him as a flawed embarrassing prequel to his younger righteous brother. And I don't understand how the York VS Tudor debate even works, because what what i gather, what happened after E4's death was a YORK VS YORK conflict which Richard III began by targeting the Woodvilles (despite them proving to be conciliatory - Elizabeth Woodville agreeing to limit her sons escort, Anthony and Richard Grey meeting Richard for dinner etc), bastardizing and almost definitely murdering his brother's children, and claiming the throne. Henry VII began as more of a figurehead for the Yorkists who were against Richard III to rally towards, and only after he agreed to marry Edward IV's daughter. Like...Edwardian Yorkists literally won when Henry VII claimed the throne, their queen and queen's mother were Yorkists.

this ask was all over the place lmao sorry

Hi, anon! I and @lady-plantagenet have had this conversation a few times because it's actually so common to find yorkist fans that don't actually like Edward IV, that say he was stupid, lazy, morally corrupt, the man that brought down the dynasty (not, incidentally, the man who raised it to the throne)—to say nothing about yorkists they don't consider yorkist enough: Elizabeth Woodville, George of Clarence, Richard Earl of Warwick, Edward V, to name a few—that yorkist fans like @lady-plantagenet can actually feel quite alone. It is actually ironic as you pointed out because in the end Richard did split the Yorkist establishment in two and ended up dooming it, as observed by Rosemary Horrox (a professor and member of the Richard III society for the longest time btw), and also by Nigel Saul: 'By dint of his usurpation he had split the hitherto strong Yorkist establishment'.

Henry Tudor was Lancastrian by blood and allegiance (Henry VI's nephew) but he was supported by so many Edwardian yorkists he could be considered in fact a yorkist pretender (in the sense of one who aspires to the crown—a pretender—that was supported by yorkists). Sir William Stanley, for example, who effectively rescued Henry at Bosworth, had been a committed yorkist since 1459 and was even the one to capture Margaret of Anjou in 1471, but it's convenient to paint him as a fence-sitter like his brother. It's hard to see how many lifelong yorkists actually committed to Henry's cause because if they did, what exactly was Richard's purpose from a fandom-esque point of view?

As observed here by Horrox as well:

However one chooses to interpret his actions, [Richard] can with justice be seen as a failed king [her italics], who in the end destroyed whatever it was he had sought to rescue and preserve, losing his crown, and his life, in the process.

That 'whatever he sought to rescue and preserve' was, according to many fans, the house of York. Whatever his intentions, in the end—as pointed out by a Ricardian historian (not to mention other historians too)—he failed. He did more harm than good to that cause, so why elevate that figure as the only good and valid yorkist to the detriment of almost every other yorkist figure? It doesn't make much sense. This is not to say one cannot have an interest or a liking to Richard, as anon pointed out it’s a question as to why one would dislike most yorkists and still call oneself a fan.

A big part of it is, of course, that his diehard fans don't see the Woodvilles as yorkists at all. Think of John Ashdown-Hill calling Elizabeth Woodville the 'pink' queen as opposed to white, think of Rosemary Jarman and other Ricardian storytellers making Elizabeth Woodville marry Edward IV out of spite and a desire to avenge her first Lancastrian husband by plotting the destruction of the house of York (never mind that her own son was the very heir). Plenty of times they don't even see Edward V, Richard of Shrewsbury, or Elizabeth of York as yorkist enough (especially Elizabeth of York, who they conveniently forget was Edward IV's child too and allowed the legacy of her father to live on through her children). Bizarrely, some of them are also fixated on the idea that not even Edward IV was yorkist enough because he was actually a bastard.

My guess is that in the end some of them might think the name 'ricardian' has bad connotations and don't want to be associated with it so they say 'yorkist/yorkist fan' instead even if they don't particularly like any other yorkist figure? I can understand that because so many ricardians are so loudly obnoxious on Twitter and on awful blogs like Murrey*ndblue, so many of them are so genuinely vile about Margaret Beaufort, Henry VII, Elizabeth Woodville, about historians they don't like—Nicola Tallis, Nathen Amin and Michael Hicks have been the usual recipients of their hatred but more recently also Lucy Worsley, all very different historians, proof that all you need to do is to doubt Richard's good intentions to be targeted—so many of them only talk about 'pure' and 'untainted' Plantagenet blood (yikes), I understand not wanting to be a part of it.

And it's really sad because 'ricardian' is not a slur, it's not a denomination that I or someone else invented to shame them, it's a name used by them—just go on Twitter and see how many have the words 'proud ricardian' on their profile—and invented by them: the Richard III Society itself keeps a journal called The Ricardian that has issues going as far back as 1974. It's simply calling an apple an apple.

I'll probably get vagued (if not worse) by replying to this ask in the first place, but thanks for reaching out. You're not alone in that sentiment for sure 🌹x

#ask #anon

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