#sighs. this is probably more than my brain can handle rn but also if i dont do anything for my birthday ill die. whatever whatever whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alpacaparkaseok · 2 years

Note

I decided to keep a running list of my thoughts as I read the last chapter, because I hate when I have soooooo many thoughts while reading and then when I reach the end and try to send a response, all that surfaces is “so good, I love this”. Not untrue, but seriously lacking.

As my notes (aka descent into madness) progressed, I wavered on whether I’d actually send them…out of embarrassment at the sheer insanity, unlike any I’ve unleashed over the course of this series (or any other fic). Also considered sending it anon lol. But now that I’ve reached the end (hah), I’ve decided I am absolutely sending it. This is me regifting the utterly bananas fruitcake that your writing reduced me to. You’re welcome. 😤 Good luck deciphering it 🥴 (see previous “you’re welcome” 😇). Please excuse the formatting and errors, I pasted it from the Notes app.

(But seriously B, thank you. I don’t know the specifics of the heart and brain and sweat your poured into this but I know it was a LOT and I’m grateful, as always.)

Notes

*sweet baby Jungkook being there for her - glad SOMEONE cared 😒😤

*Namjoon’s jab at JK 😂 “you’ve always struck me as the type to marry the first girl that gave you an ounce of attention, so there’s that I guess” 💀

*ah shit Namjoon is going on his own 🥴 hope he can handle it, after seeing Bitchtoria

*”just because I’m afraid doesn’t mean I can’t do this” oh kid 🥺😭

*eekkk I’m not liking this “walking into a trap” business 🥴🫣

*receptionist - I don’t trust her. I don’t trust anyone right now

*the flickering light - what if it’s not a light but a camera? 😬 I also don’t trust anything right now lol

*Sparky, you charmer you 😉😘

*no not sweet baby star candy with Yuckdiel ugh I can’t take this…thank god I’m not a nail-biter

*the tattoo 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 WHAT (also, clever working that in)

*is the trap really set though??? I’m so stressed rn

*nooooo why were you in a daze? What if you missed something? 😰

*guess that shower helped sober up mr. 307? 😬😵‍💫

*no I will NOT let her dangling outside his window “like his next meal” stress me out, I won’t I won’t I WONT-

*oh my god oh my god why is he at the window ah I can’t do this 😭😭😭

*why did I have the thought for a split second that he’s talking to Taehyung, like I need more craziness careening around in my head

*how does he not realize that she’s there, shouldn’t he be too observant for that? And to angle away from her - I think he knows she there 🫣😵‍💫🫥

*I’m gonna hurl.

*I know this is bad timing but that screaming is really gonna further send things to shit for us darling

*JUNGKOOK I wish I could give you the world, you wonderful person you. Geez am I just going to fawn over him this whole chapter??? This is more than I did the entire series lol

*sigh, of course the car is still there 😞 and this is why the screaming concerned me

*helLO chest 👁🫦👁

*that “crop tops” line and the visuals it produced served to wipe my brain of everything that just happened

*”just lurked”…hmmm can I trust that

*you know if I’m gonna suspect everyone does that mean I have to suspect JK too? 😢 no I can’t live like this, him and honey boo hitman are exempt

*ah the mention of coming up with a plausible story for the debriefing and hiding that she was anywhere near Yadiel made me think…did Yadiel already talk to Taehyung and blow her cover???

*thankfully wearing a sweatshirt now lmao

*YIKES yep let’s drop the questions about itchtoria-Bay, a bit touchy there 😬

*eekk he’s asking about the fall, don’t be suspicious don’t be suspicious-

*no don’t sit by her you TRAITOR

*this walk…ugh poor thing she’s probably so conflicted right now 😞 I on the other hand just want to tag his ass 😠

*okay that was confirmation right there…don’t cry girl, lemme at him 😠👊🏾 ugh

*god that hurts. “You have everyone, he’d replied. Everyone, but me.”

*yeah that’s right I hope Hoseok unnerves you, you piece of-

*you know anytime Taehyung flinches now or shows the slightest sign of discomfort I will rejoice

*I wonder if he or his dad killed uncle 🫤 seems very reverse-Lion King-esque

*Jungkook? No please nothing shady 😰

*”Basketball shorts kissing the tips of his knees”…SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

*oh shit is this Yadiel, or Jungkook genuinely cracking…

*nooooo not steps going unnoticed…stop yelling you fools

*not a CROWD yikes. I was expecting one person maybe 🤦🏾‍♀️

*bahahaha okay Yoongi that was good, you can stay

*Christmas-themed?? What the hell 🤦🏾‍♀️😂

*”promises, promises” lmao if Hoseok didn’t have my heart and soul you’d be number one, Min Yoongi

*…was he acting though 😶

*ekkkk I forgot about that, Yoongi just might end you and I’d have to let him unfortunately because “but daddy I love him” 🧜🏻‍♀️😬😂

*ummm okay that’s one way to defuse his anger lmao even though that was in one of the sneak peeks it‘a still just as rewarding now

*”we’re not all moody“ sir I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

*is he tempted to fill it up, or throw it? 😂

*OMG they are gonna give Hoseok a headache lol

*wait, a million times before? What- 👀

*LMAO if you don’t want the ropes, again I VOLUNTEER

*oh he’s being honest and vulnerable I can’t 😩

*oh SHIT the power moves I was not expecting those 😨😳

*the disappointments ☹️

*Nevermind hehe

*Ah why does this feel like we’ve come full circle 😟🥺

*Wait, for the first time? Well damn lol

*oh Jimin 🥺

*family 🥺🥺

*awww now I’m soft 🥺🥺🥺

*oh no darling 😢 let it out

*Madame Bianchi DAMN LET’S GOOOOOO

*ohhhh sharpened teeth, fitting imagery with the undead baby star candy folio on the horizon 😁

*hah her own twist on red, I love it

*oooooh it was a distraction…that makes me feel more sad for Jungkook somehow 🙁

*at various points I’ve wondered if Taehyung has set up surveillance around the house but I guess not because that would mean he suspects something and I think he’s too certain that his plan is working to work

*signal that’s hard to miss…why is my first thought fire hahahaha

*yessssss Sparky Boom Boom, the fire is coming 🙌🏾🔥😈

*i really want to know his story

*oohhhhhhhh, the yearning 😏 hmmm reminds me of a certain comment a little earlier about him rejecting her…is Sparky endgame????

*dark angel, indeed

*oh Jungkook 😔

*oh Hoseok…

*ah I forgot about Bitchtoria 😒

*PLEASE do what’s necessary

*wait you’ll follow her lead? Why does that feel foreboding…I’m concerned

*…wait, what??? Now I’m thinking of two potential outcomes here with Russo…EXPLAIN

*why do I feel like once Taehyung reaches the top it’s officially the end as we know it

*why do I feel like we need a Tae-OC montage…begone from my brain, traitor!!! 😣

*Jimin polished his car omg lmao

*dark me had a passing thought that Jimin is excited he’ll have the nicest car in the fam now 😂

*i don’t know why my brain just reminded me that one of them is endgame but please, Sparky or Hitman Honey Hoseok…baby star candy gets the honorable mention

*”Fiery Firebird” lmao if only I wasn’t already attached to “Sparky Boom Boom”

*wait Second String??? LMAO

*banter, yes please…soothe my anxious soul

*of course you would, Namjoon…must be exhilarating to not be dad in this universe 😂

*ooooooh explosives…now I’m thinking of the guy from the Atlantis movie lolololol

*the sun has set ☹️😣

*ooooooh Bitchtoria 😟 I didn’t think of that, good one Sparky. That’s why you’re mama…AND daddy at this point tbh 🥴🥵

*i was going to gasp at “double homicide” but then I remembered it’s a mafia fic and I’ve been screaming for blood this whole time 😂

*ah DAMNIT

*what if Joonie could have been her Jungkook 🥺

*oh okay same brain train, cool

*better calves lol

*hmm are we sure Yoongi shouldn’t be her Jungkook? That seemed very Yoongi lol

*oh Sparky I adore you 😍 backstory please author-nim 🙏🏾

*Jungkook 🥺 but for some reason that meme of the cowboy cat above the mountain yelling “yoooooooongi” comes to mind, WHY

*”nobody’s hands are clean in this” oh OC 🥺😢😭

*oh SHIT, Seokjin 😦😦😦 that’s not Sparky right there, that’s SEOKJIN 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

*SCREAMING

*STILL SCREAMING!!!!!!!!

*holy shit indeed darling

*and back to Yuckdiel 😒

*document??? What document?????

*okay B is for Bianchi in my head now. Maybe I’ll call you Bianca. Definitely Badass 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 this world you’ve built 😩

*no what is happening right now

*not that fucking quote, I knew it was bad but I’m gonna be sick

*get him please darling I’m begging you

*yes GET HIM

*”tonight, the rain gutters will flow with blood” really shouldn’t bring me as much joy as it does

*is Yoongi about to show her the traitor’s body because if so that’s much more mercy than he deserves

*nope, worse 😞😑

*B. I’m screaming internally. See below. Part of me figured it out eventually but still. MOTKSBDHDGDKDFJFH

Not only is this probably THEE longest ask I’ve probably ever received, it’s also my fav kind of ask 😭 thank you for letting me essentially read along with you!

A lot of work definitely went into this series (and this finale especially) but it was ever so worth it. You guys put in just as much work as me I swear 😤

Also all the things B will stand for now 😂😂 that had me in stitches

Thank you for joining me for this ride! Heaven knows you’ve been along for a lot of series, and it doesn’t go unnoticed 💕 your thoughts were hilarious and paranoid and very much appreciated!

#moderndaychihiro #htss #sweet asks

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judeswhore · 2 years

Text

all tied up - mason mount

this is a part 2 to brat bc i promised smut but the original piece i was working on wasn’t going how i wanted so i thought i’d work on this instead but even then this is probably the worst thing ive written bc my writing rn is a very meh :/ ,,,, also this is a happy bday to mason <3

warnings: smut, 18+, very bad smut, choking, use of a blindfold, dirty talk, spanking, hair pulling, daddy kink, dom!mason, sub!reader, edging, orgasm denial?, oral (f) receiving, unprotected sex

“Now why don’t you be a good girl and get on your knees so I can fuck you?”

———————

He'd left you on your knees on the bed, completely naked, arse in the air, with the threat that if you'd moved by the time he'd got back the night would be over and you'd be going to sleep painfully turned on. Your wrists were still bound and despite your lack of boyfriend, the thoughts plaguing your mind had you dripping down your inner thigh and you were more than a little embarrassed over the effect he had on you. He hadn't touched you all night and you were already on the trembling edge of an orgasm. There was a mirror propped just beside the bed at the perfect angle to give yourself a full view of your body and of Mason when he walked back into the hotel room.

He'd thrown his trousers back on and half buttoned his shirt but anyone with half a brain would be able to tell what he'd been up to with just one glance in his direction. His cheeks were still flushed pink and his eyes still held that harsh lust in them but they sparked when he spotted you in the exact same position. You met his gaze through the mirror and wiggled your arse to get his full attention.

"What are you doing?" You caught sight of the single glass of wine in his hand before he set it on the bedside table and came up behind you. He kept his gaze locked on yours as he ran his fingers across your pussy, gathering your wetness and using it to carefully circle your clit. You hips bucked and you whined softly, trying to push yourself further into his hand but he simply shook his head.

"I still don't think you deserve to cum."

"But I-"

"So I wanna play a different game. If you can be a good girl and hold off your orgasm until I say you can cum I'll forget about what you did and won't punish you anymore. If you do cum, then I get to fuck you as much as I want for the next week and you aren't allowed to have an orgasm. Understand?" The breath left your body on a quick sigh, your brows drawing together because there was no way given how worked up you were that you could hold off your orgasm. All Mason had to do was rub his fingers over your clit just that little bit faster and you'd be a quivering mess on the sheets. When you didn't answer straight away he tutted softly and stepped back. "Or I could leave you now."

"No," Mason smirked at the panicked note in your voice and the desperate look on your face as you pushed yourself up, wrists still bound together and turned to him. He swallowed seeing you completely naked in front of him, eye make up half smeared down your cheeks from his previously not so gentle handling of you. "I can be a good girl."

"Really?" You were knelt just at the edge of the bed and he stepped up to you, fingers soft as they ran along your jaw. He pressed his thumb against your bottom lip and hummed when you wrapped your lips around it, sucking softly with those innocent eyes he adored so much. He leant forward and kissed along your jaw, mouth hot over your skin and with his thumb pressed down on your tongue he turned your head, lips settling against your ear. "We'll see."

His body heat left yours as he stepped back again, gaze roaming the hotel room, grin flashing dangerously when he spotted what he was looking for. Your eyes followed him across the room and you frowned when he picked up his belt, your knees shifting against the soft sheets as you watched him come closer.

"Only nice girls get to touch and I don't think you've been a nice girl at all today." He commented, fingers reaching for the tie wrapped around your wrists and he tugged it loose within just a few seconds, your fingers flexing afterwards. The black material fell to the bed and then Mason was pressing his hand against your hip and carefully pushing you towards the pillows. He was more than grateful for the slats in the headboard, his plans of keeping you tied up for the rest of the night seeming like a good idea. "Hands by the headboard, angel."

You were quick to do as you were told and Mason wasted no time in using his belt to secure you in place, his body settled beside yours and you felt flushed over the fact he was fully dressed while you weren't. He trailed the tips of his fingers along your arm and over the curve of your boob as you tried not to shiver, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip. You squirmed when his hand fell between your legs, the very tip of his finger swirling around your clit as you spread your legs further and raised your hips.

"Look how desperate you are. You're already making a mess on the sheets, Y/N." Your brows drew together and you gasped when Mason's palm made stinging contact with your clit, your thighs drawing shut before he could do it again. "Legs open." His voice was a low command, fingers pushing your thighs apart again but he didn't return to your pussy, just brushed his hand down your inner thigh.

With his other hand he reached for his discarded tie, smirking at your slightly confused expression. "I told you I was playing a different game. Close your eyes." Your lashes fluttered against the tops of your cheekbones and you swallowed harshly, puffing out a startled breath when Mason secured his tie around your head, the black material covering your eyes and restricting the view of your boyfriend. "Safe word?"

"Clouds."

"Good girl." Mason's fingers were soft across your chest but the loss of your sight made it feel like he was everywhere, your body tingling wherever he touched. His thumb flicked across your nipple and he playfully tugged it, momentarily mesmerised by the quickening rise and fall of your chest. "So fucking pretty, shame you have to be such a brat all the time."

"Mase-"

"Whining won't get you anything." Your hips had lifted from the bed again and he was harsh in pushing them back against the mattress. "I thought you said you were gonna be a good girl?"

"I will if you touch me."

"That's not how it works, sweetheart." The bed dipped and you turned your head to try and follow where he was going, hating the fact you couldn't see what he was doing because seeing him naked was at the top of your list of favourite things. You could hear him moving around, the soft thuds of his clothes hitting the floor making your insides clench and you mentally begged him to hurry up and do something. It was only seconds before he was back on top of you, bare skin against yours and you could help pressing yourself against his thigh when he slotted it between your legs.

"You wanna cum so bad don't you?" He mumbled the words against the skin of your jaw, his fingers wrapping around your throat as he turned his head to kiss you. It was messy and full of tongue, the rough hairs of his beard making you shudder as you tried to grind against his thigh again but he shifted out of your way, smirking into the kiss. "Be patient." His grip on your throat was light but still enough to make your head spin and you yanked at the belt when Mason shifted down your body, soft kisses following as he made his way to your boobs.

He lifted off your body again, hand leaving your neck and you dragged in a deep breath, hands balling into fists, legs bending at the knee. He was still slotted between your legs but was fiddling with something off to the side and your entire body jolted when he finally settled back over you.

"Oh, fuck," Mason had slipped an ice cube from the glass of wine between his teeth and the whimper you let out when he dragged it down the centre of your throat and between your boobs was so pathetic your cheeks flushed. You shivered against him, moaning when he circled your nipple, unsure whether the cold feeling was pleasurable or not. The heat from your skin had the cube melting relatively quick but Mason's tongue was there to lap up the running water, the warmth of his mouth when he wrapped his lips around your nipple making you arch up into him.

"Got the prettiest tits," He hummed, switching his mouth to your other nipple and sucking softly, teeth grazing your overly sensitive skin. "They're gonna look even prettier covered in my cum."

"No," It was a breathless sound, your head shaking as you tried to push your chest further into Mason but he pulled back, reaching over for another cube.

"No what?" He dragged his mouth along your stomach, setting the cube right above your belly button before watching it melt, cold fingers reaching up to tease your nipples again. You were aching for him and you were certain you'd actually made a mess of the white sheets but he didn't seem to care, his body lowering so he could pepper kiss over your hips. "You don't want me to cum on your tits? Want me to fill your pussy with my cum instead?"

You nodded quickly, squirming beneath him at the cold sting of the water running down one side of your body. Mason made a soft noise low in the back of his throat and pressed his hand flat against your stomach. "You wanna feel me in here?"

"Please, daddy." Your hips rose off the bed again, your pussy clenching around nothing and Mason pushed you back down, lips soft against your inner thigh. He shifted his head and his lips grazed over your clit, a feather light touch that had you gasping and pulling at the ties.

“Want me to eat you out first? See how long you can last when I fuck you with my tongue?” He kissed your clit, tongue darting out to taste you but he paused when you shook your head. Not being able to see him was killing you because you knew for a fact he was smirking up at you, cheeks flushed pink as he took in how you looked for him.

“No, I need you to fuck me. Please, just fuck me.” He swirled his tongue around your clit, pushing it down so he could tease your entrance before dragging it back up again. Your moan was soft and more like a whine, your thighs trying to close around his head.

“How badly do you want me to fuck you?”

“So badly, please, I won’t cum until you say so just, just fuck me. I need you to fuck me.” Mason hummed lightly and then sat up on his knees, body still settled between your legs. He ran one hand over your thigh before lifting it over his shoulder, body pushing forward as he pressed his tip into your entrance.

“Do not cum.” The second the words left his mouth he thrust forward, bottoming out in a second, his soft groan mingling with your own cry of his name. The angle had him filling you so completely and you couldn’t stop yourself from clenching around him, your hands pulling at the belt as you fought the overwhelming urge to grab on to him. He gave you no time to adjust, his hips snapping back before he was filling you again, long hard strokes that made your head fall back. “I’m gonna fuck you until everyone on this floor knows how much of a whore you are.” He half moaned the words, fingers tightening on your thigh as he thrust into you, the sound of his skin against yours filling the room.

Your thighs shook with trying not to cum and you were afraid you were going to make your palms bleed with how hard you were clenching your fists but rough Mason was your favourite and needed to feel all of him. His fingers found your throat again and he squeezed softly, your moans catching and sounding more broken the harder he fucked you. He dropped your thigh and instead settled his hand over your stomach, pressing down as he slowed the pace of his thrusts.

He pushed into you slowly but with hard strokes and each one had your body jolting up the bed, your tied hands pressing against the headboard to stop you hitting it. The pressure on your tummy was doing nothing to help keep your orgasm at bay and the way your inner walls fluttered around Mason’s cock had him moaning your name quietly.

“Can feel me in here can’t you, baby? Taking me like such a good girl, daddy’s gonna fill you with his cum yeah? Make sure everyone knows you’re mine.” Your head fell back into the pillows, your legs tightening around him as his words sent a flood of wetness between your legs. You were so close to coming but you knew you couldn’t, your moans turning more into cries as Mason picked up his pace again.

“Fuck, I’m- Stop, Oh my God, daddy-“

“Do not cum, Y/N.” His words were harsh and your hands pulled at the belt, your head turning as you sunk your teeth into your bottom lip.

“Please-“

“Hold it.”

“But-“

“I said, hold it, Y/N.”

“I can’t.” Mason suddenly stopped, pulling out of you as you whined, your orgasm fizzling out as your tried to catch your breath. His hands were soft as they slid along your thighs and then he ran them up your arms before carefully unhooking the belt, your arms falling free. Before you could reach for him or pull the blindfold off, Mason pinned your wrists back down in one of his hands, his lips settling by your ear.

“You’re gonna get on your knees and you’re not gonna cum, okay? I know you can hold it for me, so be a good girl.” He was quick in pulling the blindfold off and the look in his eyes when you finally looked at him made your entire body flush. He sat back and cocked his head. “Knees. Now.” He watched as you settled on your knees, elbows pressed into the mattress, arse in the air and he smirked when you tucked a pillow beneath you face.

“I’m not sure even that’s gonna help keep you quiet.” He wrapped his fingers around his cock and teased your clit, tip pushing in before he was pulling out again and running it through your slit. Your hips pushed back into him and he tutted, hand coming down hard over one cheek. You cry of pain was muffled by the pillow, your skin already starting to turn pink even as Mason soothed his fingers over it. “Stop pushing your luck.”

“I’m sorry.” You wiggled your arse and he shook his head, reaching forward to gather your hair into a ponytail and pull your head back, a soft whimper spilling from your lips at the sting in your scalp. Within the same breath Mason buried himself completely inside of you, his moan alone almost sending you completely over the edge. You could tell he was close to coming from the tight way he was gripping your hair and hip and the way his thrusts kept changing pace, his hips slamming into yours in quick succession before he was dragging out each one for a few seconds.

“Squeezing me so fucking good, baby. You’re doing so well for me, I know you can hold it a little longer.” Your fingers sank into the sheets and you tugged as you tried to keep it together, your moans and cries of Mason’s name making his own orgasm come quicker. You were so wet around him that his mind kept short circuiting, his hips stuttering as he tried himself not to cum yet.

He fucked you faster, his fingers most certainly leaving bruises on your hips and he could feel you clenching around him so tight that he knew you were going to cum in seconds. He gave one harsh slap to your arse before snaking his fingers around your front and pressing his fingers over your clit. You cried out into the pillow, legs almost giving out as they shook, his fingers swirling in quick motions over you.

“Fuck, fuck, please, Mason.” Your orgasm was just seconds away but you needed Mason to tell you you could cum before you could let it wash over you and the force of holding it back had tears forming in your eyes. “Daddy, I’ve been good, just, please.” You cut yourself off on a moan when he hit a particular spot and he hissed at how tightly your pussy clenched around him.

“Please what?” He was taunting even with his own release so close and if you weren’t teetering so close to the edge you’d probably want to punch him. But you were so desperate that his mocking wasn’t even registering.

“Please let me cum. I can’t-“ He thrust particularly hard and you fell silent, face buried in the pillow. Mason made a low noise in the back of his throat and clamped your hips even tighter, knowing fine well if he didn’t let you cum now he’d end up coming before you and he wasn’t really feeling all that selfish despite his earlier words.

“Cum for me then, angel.” The words were barely out of his mouth and your orgasm was taking over, your pussy clenching so tight around him he couldn’t hold back his moans as he fucked you through it. Your legs shook and your moans rolled in one after the other, your hips thrusting back against Mason so you could get the most out of your pleasure. His fingers kept rubbing slowly at your clit, the force of your orgasm bringing his own to the surface.

His hands gripped your arse as he came, a loud groan of your name mingling with your own sounds and he held himself inside of you, filling you completely just like he’d promised. You were still clenching around him and it made it difficult to think as he gave a few slow thrusts to ride out his own high, his fingers loosening on you as you both took in deep lungfuls of air. Your face was still buried in the pillow and you gave a little whimper when he pulled out of you, your body settling into the sheets now that Mason wasn’t holding you up.

He fell down on to his back beside you, chest heaving slightly and reached out to brush your hair behind your ear. It was a stark contrast to the way he’d been handling you seconds before and it had you smiling into the soft material of the pillow.

“You okay?”

“Gonna need a minute.” You whispered, voice scratchy from the amount of noise you’d been making. Your skin was hot and sweaty when Mason ran his hand across your back, eyes catching on the marks left behind from his over eager hands.

“Why don’t we run a bath? I’ll wash you hair?” You cracked one eye open at his offer and sent him a crooked, tired smile.

“Might have to carry me to the bathroom, I’m not sure my legs work.” Mason snorted and leant forward to kiss your forehead, grinning into the hair on the top of your head.

“I can do that.”

#england nt #football #football imagine #chelsea fc #money mase #mason mount #mason mount fluff #mason mount fanfic #mason mount one shot #mason mount fic #mason mount blurbs #mason mount blurb #mason mount smut #mason mount imagines #mason mount imagine #mason mount x reader

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monsterenergysimp · 4 years

Text

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats super cool actually

i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

[link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband imagines #corpse husband x y/n #youtubers #caffeinated ramblings

1K notes · View notes

actual-fucking-clown · 3 years

Text

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this.

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them.

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems.

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered.

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough.

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon.

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown.

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile.

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless.

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke.

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent. A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too.

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

#bnha x reader #mha xreader #aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa #my first fic #mha #bnha

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dreaming-of-assclass · 3 years

Text

AssClass Christmas Fics: Part 1

Group 1 + gift-shopping 🎁

In which Kataoka is tired, Isogai is stressed, Maehara is a wholesome idiot, and Okano and Kimura are the embodiment of chaos.

Genre: Fluff, Humor, Wholesomeness, Slight angst on Isogai’s part

Length: 3,133 words

..................

—————

In hindsight, Megu should’ve known better than to come.

It had seemed innocent at first when Maehara brought the idea up in their groupchat. He wanted all his closest friends to band together and take a trip to the mall for “some good ol’ Christmas gift-shopping.” He said it wasn’t likely they’d get to hang out all together until after winter break. Ok, fair point.

But now, as she sat exhaustedly in the dressing room of some teen store, surrounded by heaps of clothing, she realized she’d made a mistake.

“Hinano, please tell me this is the last one you’re trying on,” Megu begged as she reached for another garment. “We’ve been here for at least an hour and a half.”

“Mmm...I just have to find a matching pair of shorts,” Hinano hummed, at least looking somewhat apologetic. She gave Megu a wink. “After this, we’ll be all done!”

And with that, the smaller girl dashed off, probably in search of one of the store workers.

Megu groaned, giving a pitiful glance at the bag sitting besides her. She’d purchased one outfit, a matching belt, and a set of earrings already...while her friend was still not even close to being done.

“Might as well check what everyone else is doing.” Megu pulled out her phone and texted their groupchat.

Kataoka: Where are you guys?

She got a reply a moment later.

Maehara: me n isogai r grabbing smth to eat rn

Maehara: but we’re gonna go to some store after

Ah...probably to get some gifts for Isogai’s siblings, Megu remembered fondly.

“Oh, Megu, she’s still not done yet?” She snapped up to see a somewhat flustered Touka making her way into the dressing room.

The class rep sighed with a tired smile, setting her phone down. She shifted a bit to make room for the other girl. “No, not yet...did you get what you were looking for?”

Touka nodded excitedly, pulling out her gift bag. It was very small and plain-looking, nude with only a red ribbon tied around. She handed it to Megu, a shine in her eyes. “Yes. It’s perfect, exactly what we were going for.”

Megu opened up the bag and reached for the item inside. It was small yet carried weight, and was surrounded by fancy parchment paper. She delicately opened it, careful not to rip anything. “Oh,” she breathed. Touka was certainly right.

It was perfect.

Nestled within the folds of parchment paper was a lovely ornament, shaped like a rose and made of dazzling stained glass. A thousand colors reflected off of it as she gently held it up in the light of the store.

Touka smiled softly, leaning into her seat. “I thought a rose would be fitting after, y’know, Karasuma-sensei’s love declaration in October,” she laughed.

“True.” Megu laughed as she carefully set the gift down back into the bag. “No but really, I can’t imagine anything better than this for her. She loves roses and it’s sophisticated, but still...can remind her of our class.”

She patted Touka’s shoulder, her gaze soft. “We made such a good decision entrusting her Christmas gift to be picked out by you.”

Oddly, Touka’s face turned a bright hue of red and she glanced away, clearing her throat. “It’s no problem! I’m happy that I picked something okay.”

Before Megu could question her, their third companion came back in a flurry of more clothing. A pair of pants flew and knocked against Megu’s face, and she wiped it away tiredly. “Hina! You said one more thing!”

Hinano was already turned towards the changing stall, struggling to carry her massive load. “I know, I know, I’m sorry! But they have a sale!”

“Still-!”

“Wait, really?” Touka shot up, her eyes bright. “I gotta go look for some stuff too!” Within seconds, she was dashing towards the racks of clothing in the store, right into the massive crowds of people already scavenging for good sales.

Oh boy. Megu mentally prepared herself for a moment before following her. Might as well take advantage of the sales too, she thought wryly. She had been looking for a new pair of boots lately...

.................

__________

“Yo, how about this one?” Hiroto asked, wriggling his eyebrows and holding up a video game-themed hoody jacket. It was child-sized and looked incredibly tiny against his large frame.

Yuuma looked in his direction, still combing through a rack of items himself. “Cute.” He grinned.

He reached over and touched the material thoughtfully. “Quality seems pretty good too. It’ll last him a while.”

“Yeah!” Hiroto agreed. “It’s super cozy, and will help him a lot in winter.”

“Okay, we can put this in the cart.”

Hiroto obliged and the two boys moved on from the clothing area. “Nothing else?” He questioned, giving a passing glance to aisles around them.

Yuuma hummed. “Well, we got a pajama set for both of them...a dress...two pairs of shoes, and now this hoodie. I’d like to get more but it’s Christmas, right? They’d probably like some new toys, not a ton of clothes.” He laughed.

“Ah, true.” Hiroto pushed the cart towards the toy section, following his best friend’s steady pace. This part of the store was incredibly hectic, and the sound of children’s cries and laughs filled it endlessly. Stressed parents flew around, trying to find the perfect toys. Boxes were everywhere, and it was very much a mess.

He barely caught Yuuma’s wince. As someone who also worked in a service industry, around Christmas time no less, Yuuma was probably sympathizing with the store clerks who’d be tasked to clean up.

They reached a random aisle that ended up holding all the lego sets. “I should get a couple of these,” Yuuma mused, looking around. “They love Legos, especially the bigger sets.”

“Uh huh...” Hiroto grasped his chin in thought, leaning his forearms onto the cart handle. “What about this?” He reached over and grabbed the box set.

Yuuma leaned over to see it. “A firetruck and station,” he read. “589 pieces.” He smiled, looking up at Hiroto. “Perfect. Let’s grab it.”

“Awesome.” Hiroto was glad he was some kind of help. He knew this time of year was always incredibly stressful for his best friend, who not only had to study but work at the same time. And Yuuma would always buy his family some type of presents, so there was that added financial stress...

Not to mention...

Yuuma would never outright say it, but Hiroto knew that his father was on his mind even more than usual during the Holiday season, a time that places so much emphasis on family.

The thought made his chest tighten. Hiroto always swore to himself that he’d help Yuuma and his family to the best of his ability, and it went tenfold during this goddamn month.

The two looked some more before coming up with a few more toys. There was a science kit for his younger brother, and some new race cars. And a babydoll and a slime-making box for his little sister. The two kids would share the Lego set, and their older brother would help them build it.

“Now we just need to swing by over there,” Yuuma told him, gesturing to the side of the store where mainly women’s products were. Things like fancy soap, candles, etc.

It was definitely a gift for his mom.

“Sure.” They made their way over, Hiroto still pushing the cart. “Hey, Isogai...” The name slipped uncomfortably from his tongue, leaving a taste of unfamiliarity.

“Yeah?” Yuuma asked, looking through some house decorations. Hiroto took a short breath.

“Your family will love and appreciate whatever you get for them. It’s always the thought that counts, and that’s like...times ten with you. You’re a really good son and big brother, and that alone means so much to them probably.”

There was a pause.

“So please don’t stress yourself out, looking “for the perfect gift,” Hiroto added quickly. “They love you so much...”

Well, so much for nice encouragement. He just blurted out everything.

The sound of gentle laughter rang out, and he glanced up to see Yuuma looking back at him. His best friend’s eyes crinkled in a charming way as he spoke.

“Thanks, Hiroto...I couldn’t have gone through all this without you.” He ran a hand through his mop of dark hair. “And I don’t just mean this past month...thanks for being my best friend.”

He continued. “It’s when you say stuff like that...that brings me back down to Earth,” Yuuma admitted. “And I can actually...relax, even for just a little bit.”

Oh...

Hiroto coughed lightly, before beaming at him. “Well, duh~what are best friends for?” He winked. “I’ve always got your back.”

“Same here,” Yuuma replied, his gaze soft.

His phone buzzed and he pulled it out, brows furrowing slightly. “Ah, Yada texted.”

Yada: help megu almost fought some girl over a pair of tights on sale

Maehara: LMFAOOOOOO well did she win?

Yada: ya of course

Kataoka: - _ - she deserved it

Isogai: Haha

Kataoka: also sorry to interrupt but

Kataoka: where the hell are okano and kimura????

.................

_________

“I can’t believe you actually had a good idea for once,” Okano muttered, the blue light from the game reflected in her fierce gaze. “Coming to the mall arcade instead of doing some boring shopping.”

“Yeah, well, at least one of us used our brain cell today,” Kimura shot back, his thumbs moving rapidly. “If it was up to you, we’d still be circling around the penny fountain.”

Okano snorted. “Shut up.” She picked up the pace on the controllers, feeling a familiar drive to win piling up inside of her.

Ten seconds later, “You lose!” was flashing at her on the screen while Kimura jumped up, throwing his arms up in victory. “Aw, hell yeah!”

“Fuck!” Okano hissed. “One more time!” She demanded, turning towards him.

Kimura smirked, calming down. “No thanks, I’m getting bored of this one now,” he replied nonchalantly.

Okano rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She looked around at the arcade interior, her gaze scanning around for anything that seemed interesting.

“Oh! I love that game!” She exclaimed, gesturing to an iceball set up. “Come on!”

“Sure!” Kimura followed her towards the machine, seeing nothing else to do. “I bet I’ll win~” He sang smugly.

“You wish,” Okano scoffed, choosing the one on the left while he moved to the right. She inserted the proper number of tokens before smiling satisfied at the way the machine lit up. “I’m a beast at this game. Maehara can tell you himself how I literally destroyed everyone at this last summer.”

Kimura did the same and they both waited for the number of balls to roll down towards them. “Huh. We’ll see about that.”

“Just shut up and play already.” She had already thrown her first ball, smirking at how it fell into an 100 point slot. “Ha!”

“Lucky shot,” Kimura mumbled, tossing his first one. It fell into the Zero slot, much to his disappointment. “Shit...”

Thankfully, Okano didn’t pay attention. She was much too preoccupied with tossing her own balls, which all landed in the 100 or 250 slots.

Kimura picked up the pace and continued his game. He groaned as all of them fell into the 10 point slots. The number of tickets coming out on his end was nothing compared to Okano’s long chain. Well...maybe my pitching is shit after all, like Sugino said. I should fix this...

“Done!” Okano shouted, throwing her last ball that fell into the 100 slot. She grinned at her list of tickets before looking over at him. “What’d I tell you, huh?”

Kimura rolled his eyes, grabbing his final ball. Gritting his teeth, he tossed it with a carefull turn of his wrist. He watched in anticipation as the ball glided over all the slots...before falling right into the 5000 slot.

“Oh shit!”

“Woah!” Okano yelled, her eyes wide. “Oh my god, Kimura! You got the highest number!”

“I did!” He shouted back, somewhat in a daze.

“That’s amazing!”

For a moment, it was like they weren’t rivals. Just a moment though.

Okano punched his shoulder, her lips curved. “Beginner’s luck,” she teased, but the fire never left her eyes.

Kimura laughed before his gaze fell back on his tickets. “Ah...it’s taking a while, isn’t it?”

Okano looked at it with a frown, pursing her lips. “It shouldn’t be.”

“Let’s give it another minute,” he suggested.

Five minutes later, Kimura felt like screaming. “My major accomplishment!” He sighed dramatically. “And no one was around to see it but you!”

Okano rolled her eyes, hopping off the floor where they’d been crouching. “Get up. Let’s go find a staff member.”

“Yeah...” Kimura stood up, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Uh hello? What are you staring at?” He questioned.

No answer, as Okano looked thoughtfully at the game machine. “Earth to Okano~” He sang, waving a hand in her face.

Then she did it.

Something he hadn’t expected, but really it shouldn’t have even surprised him.

Okano swung her leg out before letting it collide against the machine’s ticket base. A booming thud rang out.

And almost immediately, tickets began streaming out.

Kimura’s jaw dropped.

“There, it’s all fixed,” Okano smiled with a shrug.

“Are you crazy?” The words escaped his mouth instantly. “You pulled out some assassin moves just to fix a ticket machine?!”

“Well yeah~You can get your tickets now!”

“How did you even know that would work?! And doesn’t your foot hurt like hell?”

Okano laughed. “Honestly, I had no idea if it would work. But it did!” She glanced at her foot. “And it doesn’t hurt. That part of the machine is pretty hollow, and my foot has hit harder things so...”

Kimura frowned at her.

“I promise it’s fine!” Okano held her hands up. “Woah...look at your tickets! I think you can get a stuffed animal with this number!”

“Yeah maybe-” Kimura was cut off by a stern voice barking at them.

“Hey! You kids!”

They both jolted up as one of the mall security guards stormed towards them, followed by as pissed-off arcade worker, who pointed at them. “Those kids broke the machine to steal extra tickets!”

Kimura felt his mouth go dry. Still he tried to shout, “Wait no! It’s a misunderstanding, I got 5000! But it got stuck-”

And then he was cut off by Okano yanking his arm away with a strength he could only imagine having. The next few seconds felt like a blur and before he knew it, the two of them were running in the lobby of the mall.

“Come on, you idiot! You’re the fastest runner in the class, act like it!” Okano yelled, purposely agitating him. Still, Kimura fell for it and his speed increased immensely in just a second. Now, Okano was trying to catch up to him.

Kimura dashed through the numbers of people walking by, being mindful to dodge anyone, especially the elderly or some children... He shouted out a “Sorry!” and an “Excuse me!” as he moved.

It sounded odd but he could hear Okano’s footsteps behind him, even amongst the clusters of normal civilians. Probably from all the times they trained together. Her steps were light and bouncy, barely touching the floor as she kept a stable balance. He always thought to himself how Okano moved like she could walk on air.

He made a sharp turn around a mall corner, narrowly avoiding a collision with three girls just trying to walk by. “Ah, I’m so sorry!”

“What the hell- wait...Kimura?” One of the girls breathed.

Kimura’s head snapped up at the familiar tone and he realized in horror who the girls were. “Kataoka! Yada! Kurahashi!” He laughed sheepishly. “How’s your shopping going?”

“Fine~!” Kurahashi chirped, somehow balancing five huge bags on one of her arms alone.

Kimura smiled at her. “That’s good...” He laughed nervously again. “Well, I should continue on my way-”

Kataoka leveled him a sharp glare, leaning in closer. “What do you think you’re doing, running around the mall like a maniac? And where’s Hinata?!”

“Uhm...”

“There you are!” All four of them jolted, looking up to see the security guard. Standing right beside him was a very annoyed-looking Okano, crossing her arms. Ah, so she got caught...

“I’m gonna need you to come to our office,” the guard spoke sternly, looking straight at Kimura.

He sighed, stepping forward to comply before passing a pleading glance to the girls. Kurahashi frowned, Yada sighed, and Kataoka shut her eyes irritably. Then she spoke. “Officer...we’re friends with them, so we’ll come along too, if that’s okay.”

“Alright then.”

The girls followed them warily and Kataoka leaned in to whisper to Yada. “I hope your negotiating skills will come in handy now...”

..............

________

“Oh man,” Maehara wheezed, clutching his stomach. “Banned from the mall for a month?!” He burst out laughing again.

“Yeah...” Kimura’s head was dropped into his arms, which rested on the table of the cafe they were at.

“I’m glad you find this act of immaturity so funny,” Kataoka commented dryly, taking another sip of her latte. The liquid scorched her throat a bit, but she needed the caffeine at that moment.

“Actually, I find it hilarious,” Maehara corrected. “Seriously, how did all that even happen? Why’d you run away?”

“I’d like to know too,” Isogai chimed in tiredly.

“Uh, haven’t you heard of fleeing from the scene of a crime?” Okano snapped, but it lacked its usual bite as she reached over for her hot chocolate.

“That only works if you can’t get caught,” Yada pointed out with a giggle, adjusting her scarf.

“Aw man,” Maehara chuckled, toning it down at the sight of Okano’s pout. “It’s okay guys. We’ll laugh about this in the future.”

“You’re laughing about it now,” Kataoka muttered sourly.

Maehara ignored her. “One day, we’ll look back on this as a super fond memory,” he said confidently, throwing an arm around Kimura.

“Not to mention, it was pretty cool how you used your kick, Hina!” Kurahashi chimed in, hugging her.

“Yeah, pretty badass,” Isogai agreed, flashing her a smile.

Okano’s lips curved up. “Thanks, guys...”

“I guess the whole thing was pretty ridiculous,” Kimura said. “Sorry for stressing you out, Kataoka...”

She waved him off but her gaze softened. “Just don’t let this happen ever again.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Maehara clasped his heads behind his head. “Ah, by the way, I’m gonna have to leave sooner than I thought.”

Yada squinted at him. “...Why?”

“Well, there’s this Christmas event at another store where they need a guy in a Santa costume...and you know...the elves are all pretty girls, so I gotta help them out-”

All his friends let out a collective groan.

#assclass #ansatsu kyoushitsu #assassination classsroom #writing #group 1 #hinata okano #megu kataoka #yuuma isogai #justice kimura #hiroto maehara #touka yada #hinano kurahashi #is there some underlining subtext between maeiso #you bet your ass there is in my fic #sdhjksj okano and kimura bring all the chaos #also sorry for the lack of kurahashi.....#i just could not write her for some reason

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soulwillower · 4 years

Text

heart eyes • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested: no ;)

warnings: swearing, smut, oral (fem receiving), body worship!!, fluff, road trip w the losers, underage drinking, body shots, praise kink bc its me, a lil dirty talk, this one is kinda tame, its fluffy :) ALSO THIS IS SO UNEDITED SORRY

i was going through all my writing and i found this smut i wrote a while ago!! im p sure its the first smut i ever wrote n i never posted it, i figured i would rn :)

[losers + reader are aged up 18+ in this.]

6.2k words lol

♡

“i mean this trip would’ve been fun, no matter what. listen! guys, i love you! and... and i fucking love that we don’t always have to be inebriated to have fun.” stan exclaims, gangly limbs sprawled on the floor as ben starts giggling. stan pays no mind, “but listen, listen. i am soooo happy that we brought this stuff though, you know?” stan continues to babble on drunkenly, eliciting giggles from all the kids in the room. he’s waving an almost empty bottle of smirnoff. you giggle softly.

thankfully, ben had actually managed to sweet talk a coworker from the diner in order to score the losers a few handles of alcohol, and you’d nearly finished off the smirnoff and all are a few hearty swigs into the bottle of strawberry burnett’s and fireball.

your cheeks are very red.

you know your cheeks are burning.

but bill’s loose arm around your waist has your skin burning even hotter. you don’t want to think of it as anything more than platonic, because with a quick glance to your right, you see his other arm holding eddie in the same fashion. you're just friends, and always have been.

bill is just a very outgoing and flirty person when drunk.

and if you had voiced this aloud, bill denbrough would probably have had to agree. he barely felt his arm where it lay across eddie, but his arm that was cradling you feels like it is dead weight.

god, he’s got it so fucking bad for you. the conversation lulls as a familiar tune plays through the speaker, making most losers scrunch their nose and laugh. y/n and richie, as always, have other plans.

not even a measure into the song, richie screeches and pulls you into his chest, already swaying you as your alluring voices blend together as perfectly as they always do.

the two drunkenly sing together for the entire duration of the song, serenading each other in a sweet, albeit weird (in a way, bill decides, that only richie and you can achieve) fashion. the lanky boy twirls you around, and you're giggling and laughing and smiling so brightly, and the others are all smiling happily.

and bill just knows, looking from richie’s face, to stan, then mike, bev, ben, and then to eddie right next to him, that everybody in the room has just fallen a little more in love with you.

you're a fucking angel. just like heaven…

and, knowing deep down that it was highly unlikely, bill still hoped he could some day call that angel his own.

bill takes a moment to breathe as the seven of his best friends huddle in the weak circle they’ve formed after quite a few drinks.

the speaker plays soft music. the kind of music - you recall loudly to everyone with a smile - that ‘stanny’ plays in his own car on days in the summer when he lets you roll down the passenger side window and stick your feet out as they speed down the town roads.

“you know why-“ mike starts, interrupting himself with a hiccup. he giggles, and bill smiles. “-you know why i love you?” he says, question directed at ben. ben chuckles, face red from the contents of his near empty cup, and shrugs.

“no, wait, i’m not drunk enough for the sappy stuff.” you whine, biting your lip as you glances over to bill.

he averts his eyes, chastising himself in his head immediately after for being a little schoolboy.

“fine, y/l/n. truth or dare?” mike says with a cheeky smile. richie hollers and you scoff, shaking your head. across the room, eddie does the same.

“c’mon, mikey… i haven’t played that since sophomore year.” you say, face revealing a teasing smile which betrays your tone. bev shrugs, leaning back into ben’s chest. “dunno, could be fun.” she says.

bill watches closely as y/n sends a long look to bev, who shoots her best friend a suggestive glance.

bill wishes sometimes that he could hear beverly and y/n’s thoughts and secret conversations, but after a flash memory of the time when he walked in (after listening to silence for nearly three minutes before entering) on the two girls staring at the other in complete silence, he shivers and retracts that wish.

those girls were creepily telekinetic.

y/n’s sigh pulls bill back to earth. “fine.” you say, rolling your eyes and sounding bored. bill knew better than to believe y/n could really be bored. he stares at your body as you take a hefty swig from your cup, wiping your mouth and slurring, “truth.”

“out of all the people in this room, whose clothing style would you choose to swap with?” mike asks after some moments of silence. you look like you're thinking very, very hard and this makes bill laugh in drunken stupor. his friends shoot him a confused look, but attention quickly lies back on y/n.

“stan, maybe. or eddie bear.” y/n says, flopping into eddie’s lap, making him blush and card his fingers through your hair. “I love all those cute shorts.” you say, throwing a wink in richie’s direction.

bill has to laugh at the expression on the curly haired boy’s face. he has to admit, though, that eddie looks fucking great in those shorts. the two boys both respond idly, though, and the game continues, getting dumber and more risqué the more drinks they share.

mike admits to wearing briefs over boxers, bev admits that the first girl she kissed was y/n. ben has to jump into the broken hot tub, and eddie takes a body shot off of richie.

"bill, who do you think is the best kisser?" bev smirks, shooting a look that he doesn't understand but, on a much more transcendental level, understands too well.

"if you don't say me, i'll be mad." richie says, making kissy faces that make ben push the side of his face away with a chuckle. bill laughs lightly, but his lips move quicker than his brain. "y/n, probably."

seven pairs of eyes land on him and he blinks, face heating until he's surely a tomato. "wh-what? you a-asked." he says awkwardly, and to change the subject, stan clears his throat, "y/n's turn!"

bill shoots him a grateful look, but stan gives him a stare that screams make a move, dumbass.

"okay, dare." you mumble, cheeks slightly dark and a sweet grin on your lips.

“'kay. i dare you...” richie trails off as something catches his drunken eyesight away in the kitchen. he starts to giggle to himself, then. “take a body shot off of bill.” he says, pointing a bony finger at the innocent girl to bill’s left.

bill’s face pales at this, but the liquid courage has him pulling off his shirt at the encouragement of the others merely moments later.

“i’ve yet to take an actual body shot before.” y/n mumbles, explaining how you've always done them off shoulders or necks.

“lick, shoot, suck.” bill mumbles, staring at the ceiling. bill hears bev giggle quietly.

“don’t forget that last part, y/n.” richie piped up from across the room, the words being followed by a thud and a soft grunt.

“i couldn’t if i tried, rich.” you mumbles as your face comes into view. bill can only smirk up at you when he feels liquid pour into his navel.

“he’s gotta be flexing right now. there’s no way he’s that naturally ripped!” richie complains, his voice looted in a joke. ben laughs as bev slaps richie’s arm.

"sh-shut up, richie." bill mutters with an easy grin.

bill slips a lime wedge into his mouth and his tongue falls upon the rind, tasting the muted citrus flavor as salt is sprinkled in the stretched of his skin between his belly button and his waistband.

if he wasn't drunk, he'd be a blushing mess.

and he has to try harder than he's ever tried for anything in his entire life to not get hard as you suddenly lean over him, your hot tongue poking out to lick a stripe up the salt.

he suppresses a groan and then you shoot the shot from his stomach, everyone screaming and cheering and laughing. you're laughing too, and bill's shocked into a stupor by how casually and effortlessly beautiful you are.

you're leaning towards his face now, a soft smile on your face as your lips fall to pluck the lime from his mouth. but before you pull all the way back, he feels your soft lips touch his around the wedge and his whole body ignites, cheeks turning red.

but just as quickly as you were there, you're gone and he's left with the faint taste of lime and a heaving chest, the feeling of your tongue on his body ingrained into his mind.

it was about thirty minutes later that all the losers retreated to their rooms to pass out, bill following you a few steps behind. of course, when eddie and bev had planned the sleeping arrangements, they'd insisted that you two share a room. not that he's complaining, not at all.

bill barely gets a minute into the door before you're turning and stepping closer to him. his hands fall to your arms, in his mind as an excuse to steady you, but he knows its because he really just wants to feel you in his arms.

“do you really want to kiss me?” you purr, voice uncharacteristically quiet. and wow, that was out of left field. bill almost laughs, but refrains in case the inebriated girl in his arms took it the wrong way. “yes, y/n. a-always.”

you beam, a slight hiccup escaping your cherry lips as you get on your tippy toes. you're still half a head shorter than him even on your tips.

his heart thumps as he takes in your beautiful features up close, and he longs to feel your lips against his.

but, instead he shakes his head gently through his drunken state. your face falls and you step back. bill swears the angel’s wings start to droop and wilt as you seem to sober up slightly. you look sad and embarrassed and bill’s heart shatters a fragment.

“y-you’re drunk.” he says lamely, wishing that own his drunk eyes would get on board with his brain and quit running over this girl’s beautiful face and enticing curves. “w-we both a-are.” he adds, biting his lip.

you huff, turning around and bending over to pull sweats out of a drawer. “okay,” you mumble and he can’t read your voice much but he can tell you're upset.

in a drunk thought, he realizes he may never fully understand you.

bill bites his lip at the sight of your perky ass displayed like that in front of him and he wants to smack himself as he feels the familiar heat in his abdomen, turning around to give you privacy as you change.

he doesn’t turn around, as much as you both want him to.

richie once claimed that bill was hornier than he was, and while then he’d laughed especially hard at that claim, bill currently cursed richie a million times for being correct.

“would you reconsider if we were sober?” when a hand lands on bill’s shoulder, he turns to see you staring up at him, wearing a plain blue and white baseball tee and sweats.

it’s quiet for a moment. y/n holds your breath. bill himself lets out a breath after a moment. “you’re fucking beautiful.”

it’s not an answer to your question, even, but he says it before he even realizes it and the look on your face suddenly makes bill wish he could say things like that without stuttering forever if it meant it made you feel like that.

you turn bright red, head dropping down bashfully. you fail to hide your smile drop, though, and it makes bill feel slightly sick. “you don’t have to say that bill.” you whisper, sounding insecure. and then you slip under the dark green duvet of the bed.

bill tells himself that if he were sober, he’d speak up; have the courage to say all the things to you that his mind is constantly screaming.

you are fucking beautiful, everybody knows it..

all our friends see it...

mike once told me you were the hottest person in the school and that was before we even met you, now he also claims you’re the most thoughtful person in existence...

ben thinks you might be the smartest person in our generation...

bev is confident that you are going to change the world some day...

richie calls you his platonic soulmate...and says that you have second most rockin’ bod (second only because he’s trying to mack on eddie)...

eddie tells me every day how much he looks up to you and how much he admires your strength...

stan once told me that he’d marry you in a heartbeat...

(i think i’m falling for you...)

(and i hope you feel the same...)

your eyes look so innocent...but i know you’re not...

your lips look like they taste like candy...

you are so fucking pretty...

i want to put my dick in your mouth-

his last thought snaps him out of his drunken stupor and he quickly pulls on flannel pants and tugs off his shirt, not missing y/n’s eyes on his bare torso as he pulls on a shirt.

bill. you’re drunk, go to sleep, asshole.

he lays on the edge of the bed, turning off the lamp light and rubs his eyes. your eyes are closed, and you lay on your side, back facing him.

“i’m lucky t’have you, billy. we all are.” you mumble, and bill doesn’t even fight the bashful smile that climbs onto his face. you can’t seem him, anyways.

“g’night, billy.” you finish dreamily, snuggling the comforter and making bill swoon in the dark.

“g-goodnight, y/n.” he says quietly.

the next night was much more tame; the losers were worn out after a day of exploring and decided to go to the outdoor pool in the backyard of the b&b you'd rented.

you sit on the couch by yourself, knowing bill was in your room because he didn't feel like swimming.

but you were nervous to go in there, because you and bill hadn't been alone since last night when you'd basically confessed to him. and yeah, he'd sort of confessed back, but you could tell he was just trying to be considerate and not make it awkward for you or the rest of the losers.

with a sigh, you rising to your feet and padding to the closed door. soft music plays from the other end of the door and you smile as you hear bill hum quietly to bowie.

when you push the door open, bill’s figure is silhouetted by the faint orange glow that soaks the bedroom in gold and yellow light. crossing through the doorway softly, bill lifts his head and smiles softly.

you bite your lip at bill, who is sat dumbly on the edge of the bed, and it's quiet for a few moments but you know you're both thinking the same thing.

he stands to meet you only a few paces from his doorway, and he's so close to you that you have to tilt your head and stare up at him through dark lashes. his breath comes out like a whisper, and you feel desperate to know his lips again. but not like last night. you want all of him now - always. sober, drunk, sick, healthy, forever.

“bill..” you start, doe eyes searching his, as if trying to read him. he looks like he doesn’t know what to say because you both know the reason that your friends made you sleep together on this trip in this dim room and why he’s looking at you the way he is.

“please...” he whispers, a half smile on his face. his own voice cuts through the faint music playing through the silence. your lips lift in a smile at this. bill thinks you look the most beautiful he’s ever seen you.

he didn’t say anything but a plea, and yet you both know exactly what he’s saying.

your heart soars, and you grab his neck and he crashes his lips to yours desperately, letting out a quiet moan of relief.

you’ve never had somebody like him. of the few relationships you’d managed to keep up for a decent amount of time, you've never known someone like you know him - he's your best friend, the most important person in your life, and your first real love.

that used to scare you, but as you reach your hand to grasp his neck and pull him closer, you realize that this feeling in your stomach may not be as dangerous and innapropriate as previously thought.

because bill denbrough kisses like he’s taking his dying breath, like he’s drowning and you're the last bit of air left in the entire world. he kisses you like a starved writer desperate for a muse. his adamant tongue parted your shaking lips and sent tremors along your skin, as you clutch his chest.

his hands start on your cheeks, his thumbs rubbing your cheekbones as he tilts your head gently to deepen the kiss.

slowly, just as slowly as you fell for him, he slides his hands down your sides and grips your lower back with one large hand, the other squeezing your hip as he pulls your hips to him.

when you pull away for a second, he’s got an earth shattering, face-blinding smile on his lips that almost makes you want to cry.

you've never felt this breathless in your life, especially just by one boy, and all you can do is allow him to press you against dresser and catch your lips with his. his lips slot against yours hotly, moving with a kind of boyish expertise that makes your fingers tingle from all the way up to where they're nestled into his hair.

his plump red lips, slick and glossy, pull away from you and you watch with your hands carded through his auburn hair as he ducks slightly lower and kisses your jawline and your legs feel like jelly because you cannot believe it's happening. a song still plays through bill’s speakers.

one of your hands runs down his clothed chest and you gasp, having to bite back a squeal of pleasant surprise when one of his hands squeezes your ass. at your yelp of pleasure, bill chuckles and then his teeth bite down on the hollow of your throat.

he lifts his head to meet your eyes but doesn’t apologize, instead opting to shoot you a cocky lift of a brow at your reaction.

but before you can even roll your eyes, his lips are back to working magic and you're breathless, the heat in your stomach coiling and making you desperate.

you quietly moan his name as his tongue follows in his teeth’s wake; your neck slowly becoming the most beautiful piece of art bill has ever created.

eventually he raises his head again, his green eyes stuck on your neck, admiring the thunderstorm he’s started, and its everything you can do to not collapse when you get the courage to push bill softly and walk him towards his bed, your lips pressing needily to his.

bill gently spins on his heels around you and pushes you instead onto the mattress, and you're suddenly laying below him with wide eyes.

and you're grabbing his flannel and tugging him on top of you.

for a while, as bill holds himself up above you with his forearms, all that either of you can hear is the melodic tune of heart eyes by coin flowing from bill’s speakers and the sweet noise of their hands exploring each other.

honestly, the first time was unintentional.

while trying to move up, bill slowly rocks his hips against you. you gasp at the feeling of his semi-hard on pressing against your core, and bill almost moans at the noise of you alone.

a small moan escapes your throat again when he does it once more and he pulls away, clearly trying to hide his smug expression.

his eyes trail to your button up, admiring the trail of blossoming hickies reaching from below your jaw to the hem of your sweater, near the top skin of your breasts.

“c-can i?” he asks softly, and your face flushes pink as you nod shyly.

his hands reach out and slowly he undoes the buttons of the sweater, lips pressing sweetly on each bit of skin exposed as he slips the sweater off your frame. his lips against your skin leaves goosebumps in their wake.

you swoon at this action, but as the garment falls from your shoulders, you cross your arms and looks away softly.

“you don’t have t-to huh-hide from me, sweetheart.”

a piano melody plays softly in the background as bill coos quietly, turning your jaw with his forefinger so you're forced make eye contact. “hey. you’re s-so perfect. a-and i’m so fucking l-lucky.” he whispers sincerely.

and even through the expiring sunlight, the golden streams illuminating your face reveal a smile- a genuine, toothy, blushy, bashful smile that makes bill beam in return.

“please. luh-let me show you how m-much you mean.” he whispers.

you're glad you have enough self control to not burst out crying at bill’s words. if you were unsure if he wanted you before, this was the confirmation you knew you didn’t even need. and you love it all the same.

“please,” you whine softly, blushing harder at the pure look of love and lust on bill’s handsome face.

as his lips and hands flutter around your torso, you take in his figure and the god-like aura created by the music and the atmosphere of the world around you.

one word keeps circulating through your head, and as his fingers softly pinch your left nipple, you mewl and pull him up for a passionate kiss, deciding to let the word sit pretty in your mind.

you trails your fingers along the hem of his shirt and he leans back to let you unbutton it slowly. your lips find themselves against his hot skin, trailing in small kisses and bites down his chest as they follow your nimble hands. you cherish his smooth skin and taught muscles.

he soon turns to catch your lips with his, this time feverishly and deeply. he feels hungry against your lips, his tongue winning dominance instantly and smoothing around your mouth as he sighs against you, his hips rocking against you as your hands roam from his hair to his back and chest.

he pulls away, hands trailing down to your jeans, lips following his hands yet again, slower this time.

you whimper quietly at the feeling of white hot pleasure coursing through you and bill shoots you a smirk. “e-everybody is o-outside, y/n/n. we can be as loud as w-we want.” he says in a low tone, and you bite your lip in bliss. you feel yourself get wetter at his words, his voice sounding like royal velvet.

he stops his lips right at the button of your pants. “do yo-you want this?” he asks, his eyes welcoming, and you knows that if, for some absurd reason, you didn’t want him right now (or ever, honestly) you could be honest and he would be forever respectful of that.

“yes, bill. please.” you plead, hands carding into his hair as you watche him smile from in between your legs.

you watch as he unbuttons your jeans, sliding them off and tossing them somewhere across the room. you have to bite back a giggle at the boy's eagerness and he bites his lip as he stares up at you, green eyes sparkling and true as his head sinks lower.

he kisses the inside of your knees slowly, trailing his lips closer and closer to the apex of your thighs where you need him the most before switching to the other side. you groan at his teasing and his quiet huff of a laugh leaves his lips and fans over your thigh.

he’s done this before, it’s obvious.

and it’s probably also very obvious to bill that you are not used to this kind of praise, this kind of approval, and this much intimate attention on your own body. he loves it - loves that he can finally show you how you deserve to feel after years of watching you, his best friend, and waiting for the day that he could put his lips on yours.

his lips finally press a soft kiss over your red lace-clothed clit, and you let out a strangled moan, hips jilting involuntarily at the tease.

his eyes meet yours and all he does is wink.

cocky bastard, you think as bill slides your lace undies off your legs.

it suddenly dawns on you that you're completely naked and vulnerable in front of this boy, and yet somehow you feel more comfortable and at home than you've ever felt in a situation like this.

and you're not totally sure when exactly that fucking word starts to circulate in your mind again- perhaps it is when he licks the first, bold stripe from your entrance up to your clit, or maybe it’s when he uses one hand to gently pin your hips down while his tongue does wicked tricks. or perhaps it’s when he first slips a single finger in.

or maybe that word has been there, hiding in your mind, on the tip of your tongue, the whole time.

but you suddenly can’t think of anything besides bill, because he’s building a rhythm with his tongue and fingers and you know that if anyone is awake in the house besides you, they’d know exactly what was happening in your room currently. and you can't find it to care as you look down at bill, eyes staring back at you with a cocky look on his face as his face is buried in your heat.

your wild moans pick up in pitch and you clench around his fingers tightly, the feeling of bliss having never felt this strong before. your toes curl and you let out whimpers, one hand tangling in his lush hair and the other twirling in the sheets.

his fingers pick up pace, curling and pumping in and out of you as he sucks your clit.

“bill, fuck, i’m close-“ you start, groaning in pleasure as he smirks slightly. you whimper when he pulls back, a devious smirk playing on his shiny, slick lips, his fingers sliding out of your heat. you groan at the sight of him, shirtless and hair missed up from your fingers, his mouth sinfully shiny from your juices.

he reaches his hand up to you and obediently you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking up yourself from him. he watches with his mouth slightly open and eyes dark. "g-good girl, y/n."

the sharp warmth in your chest and the heat straight down to your center show you how much you like his words, and you preen when he tucks your hair behind your ear. "you taste p-perfect, baby." he whispers into your ear, your jaw going slack in shock that words like that would dare fall from his lips, your thighs clenching together. you bite back a moan at the feeling, wanting nothing more than for bill to fill you up and make you scream his name.

it doesn’t get long before you pull him out of his boxers, and soon you're rolling a condom onto his hard cock.

you almost, almost blush when your mouth waters at the sight of bill’s cock, hard, leaking with precum, and much larger than you'd anticipated.

rich was fucking right, you think, they do call him big bill for a reason.

he’s looking at you like you're the only thing that matters as you pull him onto you. he's letting out breathy moans that you realize you could listen to on repeat forever.

but suddenly he’s pushing you hard against the mattress, kissing you like a sailor returning to see his first love, and he’s lining himself up at your entrance, slowly teasing your entrance with his tip. you whimper at the feeling, your over-sensitive clit throbbing as you tug at his shoulders. he grins into your mouth. "u-se your words, baby." he mutters, and you go red.

“god, bill, please fuck me. need it so bad." you whimper breathlessly. he smiles at you, kissing your nose.

"i kn-know you do." he mutters and you want to smack the back of his head but then he pushes in agonizingly slow and you're gasping. simultaneously, you suck in breaths at the sensation, eyes staring deep into each other. his are lidded and yours are blown wide, taking him and whimpering at the feeling of him stretching you out.

you can feel the blush on your cheeks when you realize this is one of the most intimate experiences you've ever had in your life. and when bill's finally buried to the hilt inside you, you let out a low moan at the feeling.

thank god he warmed you up so well, because he was big and felt perfect buried inside you like this, his lips ghosting over your face as you clench your legs around his hips. his fingers rise to roll on your nipple and you let out a gasp of pleasure followed by a small moan of his name. he lets out a shuttering breath into your collarbone as your nails dig into his shoulders.

“please, bill, move. please, fuck, i need it-“ you beg, eyes closed in need and lust.

you feel a strong hand grab your jaw suddenly, and your voice stops as you open your eyes to be met with deep green ones shining fiercely.

“look at me wh-while i fuck you.” he says, more a command, and you involuntarily moan at his words.

the power he has over you feeling foreign and incredibly enticing. never did you expect for bill denbrough to be anything more than vanilla in bed - but you're all here for it as you look back at him submissively, trying to hide your smile.

you keep your eyes on him as he pulls out just as slowly as he eased in, before pushing soundly back into you and coaxing a long, low moan from your lips. your head dips back, your spine curving and eyes fluttering before snapping back to his. he starts to thrust as you've adjusted to his size and you can feel him filling you up perfectly, the feeling euphoric. your toes curl in pleasure and you determine that his melodic moan itself could push you over the edge right now.

he builds a rhythm, your legs tightening around his waist as his lips catch yours in a searing kiss. "y-you're so fucking g-good for me, huh?" he asks, but the feeling of him fucking you into the mattress renders you almost speechless, your lips in an 'o' shape as you watch him. you nod, whining as your hands roam his chest and slide to his back.

"god, yes, bill. don't stop," you say breathlessly, whimpering as you pull him down to you by the neck. he kisses you soundly as he pounds into you, his hands roaming your body and making you blush.

you feel a familiar warm feeling in your abdomen after a couple deep thrusts and you moan out as he lifts your legs slightly to hit another angle. “f-fuck...” he mutters, eyes trailing over your whole body yet never shying from your face for more than a few moments.

and now the word lingers in your mouth, on the tip of your tongue, but you're in so much pleasure that you can’t form words that aren’t his own name as they leave your mouth like a prayer.

his thrusts are deep, rough, and yet somehow sensual as if he’s trying to convey thoughts or feelings through his actions, and the combination has you slamming your hand over your mouth to conceal your loud moans, eyes finding his as you remember his previous words.

his eyes make you feel more special than any other human on this earth ever has. you've had a fair share of sexual encounters, but never have you ever experienced something like this with someone like your bill denbrough.

and as one hand grasps your breast and the other holds himself above you, his lips pressing against yours like he’d die if he wasn’t touching you, bill can tell that you're close. “y-you close, baby?” he purrs in your ear, and through his thrusts you can only nod your head and mewl.

his hand suddenly grabs your hands and lift them up above your head, pinning them there and rendering you unable to move our touch him; the feeling of being restrained makes you moan wantonly, moving your hips with his. he hums deeply, a delicious sound, "oh, you l-like that, y/n/n? g-good, so g-good." and then he moans into your collarbone. his words and the feeling of him hitting the perfect spot inside you, fucking you deeper than you could imagine, has you nearing the edge.

his large thumb snakes it’s way into your mouth then, and you look up in his eyes as your lips wrap around his digit. he groans, hips stuttering inside you. "good g-girl." he mutters, eyes glued to your lips as they suck on his thumb.

he drags his thumb out of your mouth and you release with a small pop. he lowers his hand, moving it down to rub sensual figure-8’s on your clit, a stark and delicious contrast to his hip’s motions. you yelp in pleasure, your sensitive clit throbbing.

“c-cum for me.” he whispers, and you're wrecked. your climax, after a slow, burning build, hits you hard and you clench around him, moaning out his name as your eyes barely stay locked on his. your voice cracks in pleasure as your body pulses in pleasure.

bill cums not even three thrusts after, a mess of groans and your name falling from his lips. he pulls out and you quietly hiss at the sudden absence of him, watching with exhausted eyes as bill tosses his condom and turns back to you.

you're fucked out and so out of breath that all you can do is grasp bill’s hand. he smiles softly at your naked, glowing form as the last of the afternoon light seeps through the windows.

he pulls on boxers quickly, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before disappearing out of the room, leaving an empty feeling in the hollow of your stomach.

you're pretty was used to the people you sleep with not wanting to stick around much, and yet you can’t help the deflation in your chest as bill leaves the room. is he going to sleep on the couch? was it that bad for him?

you pull on underwear just as he comes back in, a cup of water in his hands.

when he softly offers it to you, you tear up slightly but cover it up with a yawn. you know you've never had someone care this much about you. that word lingers on the tip of your tongue, begging to drip from your mouth like honey.

“y-you tired?” bill asks shyly, his body dipping down as he sits next to you. you wonder why bill all of the sudden is acting so shy- as if he didn’t just provide the most incredible sex of your life.

“you wore me out.” you says with a little smile as you lean slightly against him and kiss his cheek.

his cheeks blossom at the simple affection. "i love you." he says suddenly, no stutter. his eyes widen in shock as he realizes what he'd just slipped.

you turn to look at him and he's bright red, looking more scared than you've ever seen him. you can't help your smile, though. "bill... i love you too." you admit, stomach fluttering in excitement. he smiles softly, exhaling, "h-holy shit, thank god. that would have m-made the rest of this t-trip so a-awful."

you giggle, hand falling to his jaw. "i love you so much." you mutter, pulling him down with you so your heads hip the pillow, his hands falling on your bare hips as you kiss sweetly. you can't stop smiling into the kiss, and neither can he, so it's full of quiet laughs and teeth knocking, noses brushing together.

"i love y-you so much, y/n." he whispers into your lips, his mouth wide with a dopey smile. you smooth the hair from his eyes and kiss him again. "be mine, p-please."

"i already am, denbrough." you whisper softly.

#bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough smut #bill is 🤤🤤#losers x reader #losers club x reader

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acanvasofabillionsuns · 4 years

Text

these fools need to learn communication

for @figurative-siren-song‘s Thing!! credits to the fabulous @main-chive and @an-absolute-failure for betaing ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Summary: I think the title says it all tbh Warnings: alcohol mention, insecurity, catastrophizing, Virgil panics some + doesn’t have good self care habits, one (1) curse word, Remus is mentioned Wordcount: just a little under 6k

Additional note!! The section that begins with “Remy and Janus are cuddling on Remy’s bed...” is a repeat of the previous scene, but from another POV

Virgil is so tired. It feels like every day there’s some new crisis to deal with or important thing to discuss, and he just wants a couple days to himself to unwind a bit.

But since he can’t get that, he wants a few hours to gripe with someone over everything that’s been going down lately.

Roman is way too dramatic for his tastes, and Patton would probably be too nice about what’s happening. So he goes to Logan. (He briefly toys with the idea of going to one of the Others, but things are… tense with them, so he discards it quickly.)

“Yes?” Logan asks, opening the door to their room.

“I was wondering if you, uh, wanted to complain with me about all the stuff that’s been happening lately? There’s been a lot, and you’ve probably had to deal with more of it than me, and I thought you might like to commiserate? It’s chill if you don’t want to, though,” Virgil says, shifting awkwardly.

“You are welcome to join us.” Logan opens the door wider and steps to the side.

“Us?” Virgil echoes, confused, until he goes inside and sees Janus sitting in a beanbag chair, swirling a wine glass idly. “Oh.”

“Lovely to see you too, Virgil,” fae says dryly.

Virgil scrunches up his nose and wonders if getting to complain about all the recent shenanigans is worth spending time in faer company. Janus mimics the expression—is fae mocking him?—and holds up a bottle of wine, shaking it a little to show that it’s still mostly full. Virgil sighs, shrugs, and conjures a plain beanbag and wine glass, collapsing into the former and holding out the latter to Janus. Fae obligingly fills it, and Virgil leans back in his beanbag, sipping it as Logan sits down.

“So what’re we talking about?” Virgil asks.

“Y’know the other day when…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil squints at Remy.

“Not to be rude,” Logan begins, but Virgil cuts them off.

“What are you doing here?” He demands.

“Real welcoming, Virgil,” Janus remarks snidely.

“He’s intruding on our thing!”

“Yes, and it’s not like you intruded on our thing only a month ago and we were hospitable, right? You totally have the right to snap at Remy.”

“Shut up.”

“Y’all are gossiping, babes,” Remy says. “Why wouldn’t I be here?”

Virgil opens his mouth to protest automatically, then finds that that’s a fair point. Remy does love gossip. He shuts his mouth reluctantly.

“Welcome to the group, Remy,” Janus declares, overexaggerating faer words and smirking at Virgil. He makes a mocking face back but doesn’t comment, crossing his arms as Janus conjures up a beanbag chair for Remy. The little pest. Now everyone but Virgil has a beanbag chair rather than a plain beanbag; this was absolutely deliberate.

Virgil scowls at Janus and sinks further down into his beanbag, letting the conversation flow around him without paying attention to what’s being said. Whatever; at least his seat isn’t a specific shape and therefore can be squished into a different position or turned upside down and still be the same. See any of them try to do that with their chair-shaped beanbags, only good for one shape and if you wanted to shift positions you had to make do with what you had, instead of adjusting the beanbag.

“Virgil?” Logan asks.

“Wh—yeah?”

“Are you alright?”

Virgil pushes himself more upright and sits on his hands. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure, babes?” Remy tilts his head down to look over his sunglasses at him.

“Yeah.” Virgil forces a smile. “Just… need to readjust my beanbag.” He stands up and flips it over, squishing it in a few spaces until it’s like he wants. The other three watch him in silence, making the affair at least twice as awkward as it would’ve been if they’d ignored him. Virgil sits back down, face red. “What’re we talking about?”

“These two were telling me about something that happened with Roman yesterday?” Remy says.

“Oh my gosh,” Virgil groans. “Okay, what do you already know?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a crisis, Virgil is having a crisis, a dilemma, a predicament, an emergency; sound the alarms, clang the warning bell, and gather the troops, Virgil has a crush.

This shouldn’t be happening! Not allowed! He’s too emotionally unstable to handle it and will mostly likely make a fool out of himself. Which is also absolutely not allowed.

And! The crush is on Janus, which is yet another not allowed thing. Last Virgil checked, he was still just tolerating faer presence, not getting a crush on faer. That’s just plain rude of his brain, please take it back he doesn’t want it.

He looks up at his ceiling, since that’s as far back as Virgil can roll his eyes without being in pain. Okay, he’s staring his brain down, and he’ll stop having a crush in three, two, one—

He pauses, thinks of Janus, groans. That didn’t work. And to be honest he didn’t really expect it to, but it still? would’ve been nice? if his brain could work with him for once??

Virgil sighs and flops backwards.

Okay, if demanding his brain stop having a crush didn’t work, maybe he can just… avoid faer. Maybe it’s just infatuation or something—doesn’t infatuation happen right after you meet someone? His brain asks. Shut up, he tells it—and if he stays away for a few days it’ll go away. That’s probably it.

He glances over at his minifridge and small hoard of non-perishables and mentally calculates. He’s got enough for about a week, that should be plenty enough time.

Virgil waves his hand and his door locks. There. Now he can just. sit around and avoid thinking about Janus until this crush/infatuation/whatever-it-is goes away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is great, Remy is having a great time, get some bells to ring and a rooftop for him to shout off, because Remy has a crush.

To be accurate, he has three: on Janus, Virgil, and Logan. He isn’t exactly sure when they started, only that he just now realized he has them, but he’s definitely not complaining.

He’s also definitely not going to sit around and pine silently for them or something. If he’s going to get rejected, better to get it over with and work on healing than let himself think there might be a chance for however long. (And, yeah, it would definitely hurt, if one or all of them didn’t like him—hurt a lot—but he’s ignoring that part.) And the revelation is giving him an extra burst of confidence (and it’s not like he didn’t already have that in spades) so he’s going to shoot his shot as soon as possible.

His brain decides the most efficient way to confess to the three of them is to wander around the mindscape until he finds them, so he does that until he bumps into Logan.

“Logan,” Remy declares. “I’m gay.”

“Yes,” Logan says, pulling out their flashcards and flipping through a few of them before pulling one out and showing it to him. “‘We been knew’ that, Remy.”

“Nice,” Remy compliments, throwing an arm around their shoulders. “But you see, my dear nerd, I’m gay for you.” He pokes their chest for emphasis.

Logan turns bright red and alternates between wordlessly gaping and stammering so hard Remy can’t make out anything they’re trying to say. They extract themself from Remy’s arm and smooth out their tie, their blush toning down only slightly.

“I… will have to think on this,” Logan says finally, which Remy interprets as Logan for ‘too gay rn; need some time to calm down and consider my feelings’.

“Cool; take all the time you need,” Remy tells them, flashing them a peace sign. “I’m gonna go find Janus and Virgil, see you in a bit.”

“Alright,” Logan says, and Remy takes that as his cue to wander off in search of his other two crushes.

The next one he runs into is Janus, who he immediately tells “I’m gay.”

“No,” fae snarks. “I thought you were straight.”

Remy gasps and scoffs offendedly (at the same time, because his need to be Dramatic™ at all times overrides any petty things like biology, especially when he’s been teased).

“Well, I was going to say I’m gay for you,” Remy tells faer, pressing a hand to his chest. “But if we’re on such a disconnect I’m just not sure anymore.”

“No, wait!” Janus says. “I’m gay for you too, darling, please.”

Remy immediately decides that any pet names for him are illegal; his face has no right blushing like that just because Janus called him ‘darling’. He covers his face, hoping that’ll hide the blush.

“Fine,” he mutters.

“What was that?” Janus smirks. “I couldn’t hear you through your hands, darling.” Fae gently takes his wrists and pulls his hands down. “There’s your gorgeous face.”

“Rude,” Remy huffs.

“But you’re gay for me anyway,” Janus purrs.

“I regret telling you that.”

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t,” Remy sighs. “You wanna be boyfriends? Or partners or something, if you don’t want to use ‘boyfriends’?”

“I would love that,” Janus smiles.

“Great, me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan knocks on Remy’s door.

“Come in!”

Logan walks in, sees Remy and Janus cuddling together, puts two and two together and gets four. Oh, they think, they’re dating.

Logan walks in, sees Remy and Janus cuddling together, and squares the twos instead of adding them. I took too long to answer, they assume. Remy must’ve gotten bored or didn’t want to wait and got with Janus instead.

“Oh,” they say. “My apologies. I’ll leave you two be.” They turn to leave.

“Wait, babes,” Remy says. Logan turns to see him stretching out a hand towards them. “What’d you need?”

“I did not need something, per se,” Logan mumbles. “However, I was going to accept Remy’s implied proposition, though it seems I misinterpreted it.”

“Hon, speak up, I can barely hear you,” Remy tells them. “And use less nerd talk; what I could hear I couldn’t understand.”

Logan sighs. “I interpreted your informing me that you are gay for me as you indirectly asking me to be in a relationship with you, but it seems that was a misstep on my part. If you don’t mind, I’ll be taking my leave now before I embarrass myself further.”

“Wait, why do you think I don’t want to be in a relationship with you?” Remy asks.

“It appears that you are dating Janus?” Logan says. “Did I misinterpret that as well?”

“No, we’re dating, but I wanna date you too,” Remy tells them. “If you don’t like Janus like that you don’t have to date faer, as long as you’re cool with sharing me.”

Logan blushes. “That would be satisfactory.”

“Janus?” Remy looks over to faer.

“I’m fine sharing,” Janus says.

“Actually,” Logan admits, blushing harder. “I feel I should confess that I harbor romantic feelings for you as well, Janus—and Virgil too, while I’m admitting these things—though if you do not wish to be in a romantic relationship with me then I am perfectly content to be metamours with you.”

“I’m certainly not opposed to dating you,” Janus tells them.

“So we’re all dating each other, then?” Remy asks.

“It certainly seems that way,” Logan answers, at the same time Janus says, “Yes.”

“Great.” Remy grins. “Come join the ‘yay I’ve got new boyfriends’ pile, Logan.” He pats the empty patch of bed beside him. Logan wrinkles their nose fondly and sits beside Remy, who pulls them down to sprawl across his stomach and onto Janus’s lap. Logan squawks, and tries to pull themself back up, but Remy pushes them back down, declaring, “No sitting up allowed.”

Logan snorts and looks over to Janus. Fae leans forward to kiss their forehead and then settles back against Remy’s side.

“Traitors, the both of you,” Logan huffs, though they can’t stop the smile spreading across their face as they say it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remy and Janus are cuddling on Remy’s bed when someone knocks on the door.

“Come in!” Remy calls. Logan walks in, looks at the two of them.

“Oh, my apologies. I’ll leave you two be.” They turn around. Remy stops them and needles them into admitting that Remy had asked them out—the exact same way he had asked Janus out, fae notes—but that was “a misstep on their part” somehow.

“Wait, why do you think I don’t want to be in a relationship with you?” Remy asks.

“It appears you are dating Janus? Did I misinterpret that as well?”

“No, we’re dating, but I want to date you too,” Remy explains. “If you don’t like Janus like that you don’t have to date faer, as long as you’re cool with sharing me.”

And Janus knows he’s just explaining the situation and Logan’s options, but wow, way to let faer have a say in whether or not fae wants to date Logan or share Remy with them. Fae’s fine with both, but that’s not the point.

“That would be satisfactory.” Logan blushes a pretty shade of pink and unkind thoughts who? Janus doesn’t know them.

“Janus?” Remy looks over to faer, silently asking for faer opinion, and that also helps.

“I’m fine sharing,” Janus confirms.

“Actually,” Logan says, blushing harder and it looks like Janus might just have a new favorite color, wow. “I feel I should confess that I harbor romantic feelings for you as well, Janus—and Virgil too, while I’m admitting these things—though if you do not wish to be in a romantic relationship with me then I am perfectly content to be metamours with you.”

“I’m certainly not opposed to dating you.” Janus grins.

“So we’re all dating each other, then?” Remy asks.

“Yes,” Janus says, while Logan answers with, “It certainly seems that way.”

“Great.” Remy grins. Between that smile and Logan’s blush, Janus just might die from gay. “Come join the ‘yay I’ve got two new boyfriends’ pile, Logan.”

Logan wrinkles their nose—how is faer boyfriend so cute—and sits down. Remy pulls them down on both his and faer laps, and he and Logan struggle briefly.

“No sitting up allowed,” Remy declares, and Logan snickers and looks over to Janus, looking a little like they’re trying to ask for help with their eyes. Janus, being the good boyfriend fae is, kisses their forehead.

“Traitors, the both of you,” Logan accuses, smiling.

“You love us, though,” Remy says.

Logan sighs. “I suppose I do.”

“And,” Remy continues. “You said you like Virgil?”

“Yes,” Logan confirms. “Is that a problem for either of you?”

“None here, babes,” Remy says.

“Here either,” Janus adds. Fae kind of fades out the conversation after that, watching Remy and Logan talk and trying not to let faer negative thoughts get the best of faer.

Because fae can’t help but notice how Logan had confessed to Remy before faer. And Remy had asked Logan out before asking faer out.

And Janus knows they both like faer! They’re all in a relationship! Currently cuddling together!

...Still stings, though. (Fae still feels a little like second place.)

“Janus?”

Fae looks up. “Yeah?”

“What do you think of asking Virgil to join our relationship the day after tomorrow when we do our Thing?” Logan asks.

“Sounds good,” Janus says, smile only a little forced. Fae put faer thoughts firmly aside and rejoins the conversation, enjoying the warmth and comfort of faer boyfriends beside and on top of faer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan frowns, tapping their foot anxiously a few times.

“Should we give him another few minutes?” They ask. “It’s already been fifteen.”

“I don’t think he’s coming.” Remy says.

“He’s hidden himself away for a few days before, but he’s never missed our Thing,” Janus points out.

“Yeah.” Remy frowns. “Wonder what’s wrong.”

“Me too,” Logan says.

“You think we should go ask him?” Remy asks.

Logan hums, considering it. If Virgil hadn’t come out for their Thing, whatever was keeping him in his room was serious. “Maybe give him another day or two.”

“Alright.”

Janus grimaces, tapping faer foot rapidly. “Do… do you guys want to do it anyway, even though Virgil’s not here?”

“No,” Logan says immediately, shaking their head.

“Me neither,” Janus sighs, slowing their tapping.

“Lo, I know you said to leave him alone, but do you think we could still give him a note or something?” Remy asks, frowning. “I’m worried.”

“I am as well,” Logan admits. “And I don’t see why not.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil sighs and pulls his headphones off, unplugging them from his phone. His legs are a little achy, which is probably a sign he’s been sitting for too long and needs to stretch or something.

He wanders over to the pub table he’s got in the corner, thinking that could be a good spot to set his phone while he dances to music (no one’s around to judge him, it’s fun, and it’s a good way to stretch his legs, okay?).

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees something white on the ground by the door. Crouching down to examine it, it looks like a piece of paper someone folded in half and shoved under the door. Frowning in confusion, he unfolds it.

“Hey, Virgil!” it reads. “It’s been a few days since you emerged from your room and we’re a little worried. Hope you’re alright! Missed you at the Thing today.” It’s signed by Janus, Remy and Logan, though scribbled to the side is the addition, “Apologies for Remy’s poor grammar. I hope you are well. -Logan”

Virgil’s brain latches onto “Missed you at the Thing today.” They’d done it without him? It was their Thing and they’d just excluded him? Had they only noticed he hadn’t left his room because he wasn’t at the Thing? Were they upset he wasn’t there? Like ‘where in the world were you; we had to do the Thing without you’? You aren’t a necessary part of the group, his brain whispers to him, but you bailed on them and they’re mad about it.

Virgil clamps his hands over his ears and plops to the floor. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, he tells his mind. They don’t hate me; they gave me a letter to check in with me while respecting that I might not want to come out and not wanting to force me to.

Really? Or maybe they just couldn’t be bothered to do more than shove a note under the door.

Shut up.

Virgil focuses on doing his 4-7-8 breathing method and firmly ignores his mind telling him his friends now hate him. When his breathing is finally steady and his brain’s stopped hissing poison, he slowly relaxes his muscles and takes his hands off his ears.

Your friends are still your friends, he reminds himself. They’re concerned about your wellbeing, not mad at you, and they still like you.

Platonically, his mind adds sourly. Virgil frowns at the thought.

So far his plan to get rid of his crush on Janus had only revealed his crushes on Logan and Remy as well. Turns out when you’re avoiding thinking about one friend you like, your mind will just go to your other two friends and present some shiny new ‘liking them as more than friends’ idea to you. Which is just more incentive to hide in his room as long as he can.

Virgil sighs, standing up and placing the note facedown on the table. He’s got the majority of a week before he has to face anyone, and even if he doesn’t feel like dancing anymore, he’s still got plenty to do to occupy his time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan knocks firmly on Virgil’s door.

“Virgil,” they call. “It has been five days since anyone has seen you outside your room. This has not happened before and we are all concerned. Please come out to ease our worries.”

No answer. They wait a full minute, their fist still half-raised from knocking, but still nothing.

“Move, please,” Remy says, inserting himself in Logan’s place as they step out of the way. He begins knocking loudly and quickly, barely a step down from banging. “Virgil! Get your pretty ass out here!”

No sign Virgil’s heard anything.

“Maybe he’s asleep?” Logan suggests.

“At 4PM?” Janus asks. “Virgil doesn’t nap and even a night owl like him doesn’t sleep in this late.”

Logan frowns. “Virgil is not an owl—”

“It’s an expression,” Remy explains.

“Ah.”

“Virgil,” Janus tries. “We’re all really worried. Please just open the door? You don’t even have to come out, just let us know you’re alright in there.”

They all watch the doorknob hopefully for a minute. When nothing happens, Remy sighs.

“I don’t think he’s comi—”

There’s a little shrsh of paper brushing against something as a post-it slides under the door. Janus snatches it up eagerly and the other two crowd beside faer to read it.

“I’m fine. Not coming out, sorry.”

Remy sighs again.

“At least we know he’s alright?” Logan offers.

“Yeah,” he agrees, leaning against them. “I’m just worried, y’know? Just a post-it doesn’t really help.”

“I do know; I’m worried too. However, there is nothing we can do to get Virgil out of his room, short of forcing our way inside and dragging him, until he’s ready.”

“Yeah,” Remy says again.

“Wanna go cuddle until we all feel a little better?” Janus offers. Remy smiles softly.

“Yeah.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil scowls at his minifridge. It’s empty, the traitor, and he’s run out of all the food in his room. He has to go out and possibly encounter other people. A tragedy.

He leaves his room at midnight, of course. Less chance of running into people, plus then when Roman makes a comment about how “it’s nice to see you’ve finally emerged from your room” Virgil can laugh at his confusion when he tells him he came out of his room a while ago, princey, where’ve you been?

Less chance of running into people doesn’t equal no chance, unfortunately, and Patton is in the kitchen baking cookies when Virgil comes out to raid it. A weird time to be baking, but Virgil will probably get warm cookies out of it, so he doesn’t question it.

“Hey, Pat,” he greets.

“Hey, kiddo! Good to see you.”

“You too,” Virgil says, shooting him a finger gun. “Anything interesting happen while I was in my room?”

Patton hums thoughtfully. “Remus switched the sugar and salt and the flour and powdered sugar this morning. I borrowed the Lilo and Stitch DVD the other day and Roman and Remus got in a fight about whether or not Roman was hiding it from Remus. Logan stayed up all night on Tuesday and collapsed around lunchtime Wednesday. Janus found another snake in the Imagination and Roman had to steal it to return it home. Oh! Logan and Janus and Remy all got together.”

Virgil freezes. “Like, got together and talked like the four of us usually do?”

“Nope! In a relationship. About the time you hid away in your room, actually.” Patton giggles a little. “It’s been really cute; Remy and Janus carried Logan upstairs after his allnighter and they’re all very sweet together.”

“Oh,” Virgil says, trying not to sound hopelessly crushed.

“Virgil?” Patton asks, turning around to look at him. “You okay?”

He forces a smile. “Just peachy.”

Patton snorts. “I doubt that, but I won’t pry if you don’t want to tell me.”

“Thanks,” Virgil says, smile more genuine now. “Anything else to report?”

“Mmm, I don’t think so,” Patton says. “But if you like, I read a really good book the other day and I could share the plot with you?”

“Sounds good,” Virgil tells him, pushing himself up on the counter as Patton launches into a rambly explanation of the storyline. They pause in the middle to pull the cookies out of the oven, and then munch on them as Patton finishes the story.

“...And then it ends on a nice, hopeful, the-future-holds-great-things ending!” Patton concludes.

“Nice,” Virgil says, shooting Patton a little smile, who returns a beaming one. “Thanks for telling me about it.”

“Thanks for listening!” Patton returns.

“Do you mind if I…” Virgil gestures towards the cookies.

“Take as many as you like,” Patton tells him. Leaning forward conspiratorially, he adds, “If you take all of them and someone washes all the dishes, then the others won’t know there were cookies to have in the first place.”

“Thanks, Patton.”

Virgil scoops up the rest of the cookies—about a dozen or so—and bids Patton goodnight before heading back into his room. He gets a little resealable baggie to slide all the cookies into and sets it on his table.

Then, with nothing else to occupy his mind, he dwells over the fact that Janus, Remy, and Logan are all in a relationship.

Patton said they’d gotten together about the time he locked himself in his room. Had they noticed he wasn’t anywhere to be found and immediately gotten together? And then only given him the note and knocked on his door out of a sense of obligation or something? And maybe because they were mad at him for missing the Thing? They wouldn’t do that.

Would they?

He doesn’t think so.

He hopes not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What?”

“Hey, Janus, it’s okay! He’s probably just sleeping or something!”

“No, he doesn’t get to come out at midnight after he’s been in his room for a week and then not come out for breakfast or something so the rest of us can know he’s alive!” Janus fumes. Fae marches over to Virgil’s room and bangs on the door. “Open up before I kick the door down!”

Janus gives him three seconds before fae backs up, planning to kick the door down. Fae could do it. Fae’d seen an article online.

“Jay, honey, wait,” Remy says, putting a hand on faer shoulder. “I’m upset too, but I’m not going to kick his door down.”

“No, because I’m going to do it for you.”

“Can we not kick my door down?” Janus turns to see Virgil, standing half in his doorway, but still out of his room. Fae immediately drags him all the way out and into a hug.

“Only if you promise not to do that again,” fae tells him.

“Fine,” Virgil sighs. He half raises his arms, then hesitates.

“Hug me back, dummy,” Janus demands. Virgil chuckles a little and hugs faer. After a bit longer, Janus gives a final squeeze before releasing him, moving back a step and brushing faerself off. “That was because I missed you, but if you breathe a word of that to anyone I’ll prank you for a week.” Fae punches him. “And that was because you worried me, jerk.”

“Ow!” Virgil rubs his arm. “Sorry for worrying you.”

“Try not to sound too sincere now.” Fae crosses faer arms and rolls faer eyes.

“I really am sorry for worrying you,” Virgil says. “All of you,” he adds, looking over to where Remy and Logan had been silently watching their exchange.

“You’re forgiven,” Remy tells him. “If I get a hug too.”

Virgil shrugs loosely. “Sure.” He hugs Remy, then turns to Logan. They open their arms, and Virgil sinks into them. Janus steals another hug from Virgil once he pulls away from Logan.

“Sap,” Virgil teases.

“You can’t prove anything.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things have… gone back to normal. Technically.

Virgil hasn’t hidden away for longer than a day again, and even then, it only happened once. They’ve kept doing their Thing every week or so, and to the outside observer nothing would appear different than it had been before.

But it’s… kind of like when one “cleans their room” by shoving all their stuff into a closet. The room may appear neat, but things haven’t been put in their place, just pushed to the side to be ignored.

Similarly, there seems to be a barely-there tension in their interactions with Virgil. Logan doesn’t usually notice it, but sometimes, in lulls of conversation or merely at random intervals, they’ll feel it, simmering under the surface of things. They don’t like it, both because tension, as a rule, is uncomfortable, and because they don’t know why it’s there.

They suspect it has something to do with why Virgil locked himself in his room for a week. He still hasn’t told them why he’d done it, shrugging off any questions or deflecting the conversation away from the topic.

They also think it probably has at least a little to do with the fact that Janus, Remy, and themself still have not informed Virgil of their relationship.

Virgil is smart, and very observant. He has almost certainly picked up on the fact that the three of them are dating. He is also the type of person to pretend he doesn’t know something if he feels it is being kept secret from him, and the type to internally question why information is being “withheld” from him, and assume it is something he has done.

Logan knows this, and has been pushing Janus and Remy to tell Virgil about their relationship. Janus and Remy think they should wait longer, give Virgil more time. The first couple of weeks after Virgil emerged from his room, Logan could excuse, because they’d been rediscovering their rhythm. But enough time has passed that they have all settled back into their rhythm and now they need to inform Virgil of their relationship and correct any misconceptions he most likely has over why they have taken so long to tell him.

To return to the bedroom comparison from earlier, Logan has never been one to shove things into a closet and proclaim a room clean. Everything should be put in its place and the only things to go in the closet should be things that belong there.

This weird tension and putting off informing Virgil of their relationship do not go in “the closet.”

So, a month after the week Virgil locked himself in his room, Logan opens the figurative closet door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re in a relationship,” Logan tells Virgil at one of their Things. Janus and Remy’s gazes both snap over to Logan warningly, but the cat is out of the proverbial bag and this has been a long time coming anyway. “Remy, Janus, and I.”

Virgil stares for a moment.

“Cool,” he says finally. “Congratulations.” And then, since he’s a petty jerk, “Since I locked myself in my room for a bit, right?”

The three of them exchange glances.

“Yes,” Janus tells him.

“How’d you know that, doll?” Remy asks.

“Patton told me.” Virgil half-shrugs. Before he can stop himself, he adds, “Saw your chance and took it, huh?”

Logan blinks. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s nothing,” Virgil says. If he tells them, they’re going to “correct” him, even if he’s right and they just feel bad about it.

“Um, no, that’s clearly not nothing, hon,” Remy sort of laughs, though his expression is serious. Virgil shrugs again, this time with both shoulders.

“Virgil,” Janus commands. “Tell us.”

Virgil rolls his eyes and tips his head back so he doesn't have to look at them. “I’m just saying, we’re all sort of a group, and you didn’t want to feel awkward with the three of you getting together and me not, so once you noticed I was out of the way, you took the opportunity and asked each other out.”

“No,” Remy corrects, because that is so far from what actually happened it might as well be on the other side of the planet. “That is definitely not what happened, V, dear.”

“Sure,” Virgil agrees, in a way that says he clearly doesn’t believe him but doesn’t want to fight over it.

“You think we, what—saw you locked yourself in your room and decided that was a good chance to exclude you?” Logan asks incredulously.

Virgil snaps and points at them. “That would be what happened.”

“That’s not what happened,” Logan insists.

“Look,” Virgil says, tilting his head up to look at the three of them. “You don’t have to lie to me to be nice or spare my feelings or whatever. I get it.”

“I don’t think you do,” Janus tells him.

“Then explain it to me.”

“I realized how gay I was,” Remy explains. “Ran into Jan and Lo, asked them out, and we all got together. We decided to ask you at the next one of these Things we had, since that was the next time we were guaranteed to all be together alone. When you didn’t show up, we got worried but wanted to give you space, so we mostly left you be until Patton told us you’d come out and then we pulled you out of your room because we figured you were ready enough to come out.”

“And then, what, you just chose not to tell me you guys were dating for a month?” Virgil asks.

“We were trying to find a good time,” Logan tells him.

“It’s been a month; there’s been plenty of time,” Virgil snaps.

Then he stops, tilts his head to the side.

“Wait…” he says slowly. “Did— Did you say ‘ask me’? Like, ask me out?”

“Yeah, duh,” Remy replies.

“You guys like me?”

“I doubt we would hang out with you every week if we disliked you, Virgil.” Janus rolls faer eyes.

“You guys like me romantically?” Virgil amends.

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Duh.”

Virgil curls himself up, burying his head in his knees as he processes this. Remy gently lays a hand on his knee.

“It’s okay if you don’t like us back, or only like one or two of us, hon,” Remy tells him. “But we’d like you to join our relationship, if you’ll have us.”

The knee starts trembling under his hand, and Remy realizes Virgil’s crying. “Oh, hon…” He gathers him up in a hug.

“I—I thought you were avoiding telling me because you didn’t want me to know,” Virgil stammers through his tears. “I thought you’d noticed I left and saw that as your chance to get together without me being around. I thought— I thought—” He starts crying too hard to talk.

Remy holds him, and Janus and Logan move over to them and help whisper assurances that no, they would never, that they love him so much and they’re so sorry it came to this. Their hands on his knee and back and Remy’s arms around him are bright spots of warmth that Virgil relishes.

He cries until he thinks he can’t, until one of them murmurs, “We’re here; we love you,” and sends him to fresh tears. He cries for an hour, at least, and when he’s truly sobbed out all the hurt over this inside him, the other three are still there with him.

“Sorry,” Virgil whispers, not fully trusting his voice.

Logan frowns. “What for?”

He gestures a little to the huddle they’re in. “Messing up this. Crying on you guys for like an hour.”

“You haven’t messed up anything,” Remy assures him. “And we’re happy to let you cry on us all you want.”

“Better than shoving your emotions down and ignoring them as they fester,” Janus adds.

“Yeah, I guess.” Virgil nods and scrubs at his face. “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome,” Logan says.

“This might be a bad time,” Remy says, “and feel free to tell me off if it is, but does this mean you want to be our boyfriend?”

Virgil laughs, a little wetly. “Yeah. I’d really like that.”

“Good,” Remy says. “We would, too.”

“Celebratory ‘we gained a boyfriend’ cuddles,” Janus declares, pulling them over to the bed. No one resists, and they cuddle until they fall asleep on each other.

#oh my gosh this is so long #I hope you like it casper!!#ts virgil #ts logan #ts janus #ts remy #ts patton #ts roman mention #ts remus mention #analosleepceit #my fics #my writing #nonbinary logan #nonbinary janus #umm i think that's it but lmk if i missed something #sanders sides

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ncityislove · 5 years

Text

The Jury is Out Ch. 2

➳Pairing: Renjun x Reader x Jeno (ft a few other Dreamies)

➳Genre: fluff/ angst

➳Word Count: 7K

➳ Warnings: under age drinking, mentions of infidelity

Previous Chapter Third Chapter Next Chapter

You were used to working with the guy you despise most in the world on a day to day basis but one day all that changes when you have to work together after school for two weeks. Was it crazy to want to be friends with your enemy? Was it possible to be something...more?

A/N: Sorry about the slow uploads. I’m trying to work on my motivation to write rn :/ Hopefully the next part will be up soon!

***STORY HAS BEEN RE-EDITED

The halls are cramped and chilly as you squeeze in between groups of people obnoxiously standing in the center of the walkway. Today is finally Friday, meaning you could rest at home for the next two days. Heaven knows you needed it given how shitty your week has been. You were incredibly exhausted and you couldn't figure out why, considering you overslept literally every morning. Not to mention, you were still pissed at Renjun for leaving you to work on the booth by yourself. To be frank, you just weren't in the mood today.

You trudge through the open door of your first period and sit in your seat, readjusting your headband. Renjun makes an appearance shortly afterwards, his oversized backpack brushing the doorframe—seriously, what a nerd—and you promptly look down at your phone, not wanting to give him any attention. If he thought you were going to let this one go he was dead wrong.

Class starts and Mrs. Brookes walks in with an arm full of papers. "Good morning, everyone! It's quiz time!!"

You jolt awake at that, the quiz seeming to have completely slipped your mind. You even forgot to study last night, falling asleep before you got the chance to start on the rest of your homework. You rub your tired eyes, trying to remember all the materials you learned in the past week but it was so hard to function at such an early hour.

You groan, laying your head down on the table just as Renjun approaches and places a scantron on the top of your head. You sit up in your chair, the paper sliding off onto the black surface in front of you, to find Renjun studying you with an odd look on his face. Maybe he was still feeling queasy from the lab yesterday?

"Were you...did you start on the booth yesterday?"

You roll your eyes to sky, picking up your pencil to fill out your name. Renjun stands there for a moment until he realizes he won’t be getting an answer and moves on to the next table. You feel a small sense of victory. Could that have been remorse that you'd seen on his face? You shake your head, immediately dismissing the thought. Impossible.

Ha, as if he was capable of such an emotion!

Well, whatever it was, it was obvious he wasn't proud of his actions yesterday. He looked like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs, his head hanging low as he passed out papers to the students. He really needed to get that temper of his in check.

Mrs. Brookes passes out the quizzes shortly after Renjun finishes passing out scantrons and starts a timer. You quickly get to work, thoroughly mulling over the questions and answers. Not even five minutes into testing, Renjun stands up to turn in his quiz. Of course, he would be the first one to finish. He always was. You fight the urge to roll your eyes and finish up the last two questions, turning in your paper next.

Sitting back down in your chair, you put your earbuds in, searching for a song to pass the time when you remember your father's orders for you and Sadie to spend more time together. Sadie had been driving you everywhere since she returned, even when it was within walking distance, she insisted.

You [9:32 AM]: are you picking me up today?

You switch back to your music playlist, settling on the first song you saw when your phone buzzed in your hand.

Sadie [9:33 AM]: yep! we're having a sisters night btw and before you ask no you can't get out of it ;)

Your head falls into your hands as you scream internally. Sadie was driving you bonkers from all this 'sister bonding' she's been forcing you into.

Haven’s there again at lunch, this time though, there was a long line of people waiting to sign up for the blood drive. You pause, wondering where everyone was when you started sign-ups.

Haven's hair bobs back and forth in her loose top-knot as she nods in conversation with some girl having trouble understanding the process of the blood drive.

"They don't put you to sleep when they take the blood?" the girl asks with a panicked expression.

"No, that's not how blood drives work..."Haven replies, her lips in a thin line.

"If I ask them to, do you think they will?"

Haven rolls her eyes so far back you could only see the whites of her eyeballs. "No. Are you gonna sign-up or not?"

The poor girl looks like she was gonna piss her pants right then and there. She shakes her head no and briskly walks away.

"Next!" Haven shouts.

You sit down in the chair next to Haven and she glances at you, giving you a once-over.

"Cute bracelet. Where'd you get it?"

"Thanks, it was a gift from my sister. I'm not sure where she got it," you reply, fumbling with the charms.

Sadie had bought you the bracelet two Christmases ago and you'd haven’t taken it off since. Not for any reason, in particular, you just thought it looked nice with how plain your uniform was.

After the last person scurries off to their friends, you and Haven start digging in to your lunches.

"So..., "Haven begins. "are you and Renjun together?"

It takes a few seconds for her question to register in your brain and then you’re nearly choke on your PB&J sandwich, dramatically coughing for dear life.

"Together? As in dating??"

You couldn't even hide how horrified you were by the question. The audacity of her to ask such a heinous question was unsettling. Didn't everyone know you hated each other? Even the teachers knew about your rivalry.

"Not even if he was the last person on Earth," you defend. "Besides, Renjun hates my guts."

"I see," she nods. "But how do you feel about him?"

You stop mid-chew. "Huh?"

"The way you guys talk to each other, I just assumed there was some sort of history there I didn't know about. I mean, he's cute, yeah sure, anyone with eyes can see that but he's also really smart and he's super sweet when he wants to be."

Sweet my ass—

"Hey!" Renjun calls out as he approaches from the side.

At this rate, he was going to make a daily habit of stopping by your table at lunch.

Haven gives you a suspicious glare before she busies herself by cutting up her fruits with the dull ends of her plastic fork.

"Hey," he repeats once he was closer to the table. "Are we still meeting after school?"

You almost said yes before you remembered you were still mad at him for ditching you yesterday. You give him a stormy look and pull out your phone, making a point that you were ignoring him.

"I know you're giving me the cold shoulder and what not—and I get it. I really do. But could you just meet me on the field so we can get this done? That's all I ask."

And with that, he walks away.

"Hey, Renjun!" Haven yells after him. He glances over his shoulder but keeps walking.

That was weird.

"What exactly happened between you two?" you ask.

Haven chews on her bottom lip before shaking her head. "It's complicated."

Complicated. What did that even mean? Aren't all breakups complicated? Why did you care anyway, it's not like it's any of your business.

Right.

It wasn't any of your business so why did you ask that? It was odd enough that you were curious about Renjun's past relationships but now it was going to seem like you were actually interested in him. And let’s face it, hell would freeze over before that would ever happen.

After the final bell rings, you make your way to the track field. You debated on whether or not you should even show up but you weren't as douche-ey as Renjun.

Your feet pad down the concrete stairs, trotting across the damp grass. You spot the familiar head of dark hair in the center of the field as you near the booth. Renjun had already begun without you, taping the flags on each side of the booth. His uniform jacket was folded neatly on top of his bag on the ground and you drop yours down next to his. Renjun is too immersed in getting the tape to hold the flags to notice your arrival. Despite the cold, there’s a light sheen of sweat that coats his honey bronze skin, his fringe starting to stick to his forehead.

You clear your throat loudly and Renjun peeks over his shoulder.

"Oh, you came," Renjun let out a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, well, I'm not you so..." you trail off.

"Right," his voice is low. "Look, about yesterday...I shouldn't have just left you like that."

He pauses to wipe the sweat at his temples with the back of his hand. "I overreacted and I'm sorry. Things have been...off lately."

You’re silent for a moment, not sure of what to say. It wasn't like Renjun to show any real emotion towards you.

You approach him, adjusting the flag properly so the tape wouldn't peel off from the weight.

"You've been apologizing a lot lately."

The corners of Renjun's lips curve upwards. "I guess I have."

It was silent as he begins to nail a wooden board across the table legs.

You watch him work as you mindlessly painted a plank of wood for the top of the booth. His brow is creased as he carefully handles the hammer and nail.

"How'd you do on the quiz?" he asks, disturbing the stillness in the air.

"It was pretty easy," you muse. "I probably got an A."

"You always get an A, what do you mean 'probably'?" he chuckles.

A smile creeps on your face. "I'm just being modest here—of course I got an A!"

"When are you ever modest?" Renjun retorts, a teasing smile playing on his lips. And you realize for the first time, it's a smile that was meant in a friendly way.

"I'm more modest than you could ever be."

Renjun moves on to the next board, picking up a new nail. "Maybe. That's the only thing you do better than me, though."

You scoff. You knew it was meant to be a joke but you couldn't help but feel irritated by how true it was.

"I will admit that you are better than me at a lot of things. If modesty is all I have on you, I'll take what I can get."

Renjun chuckles. "I was joking! There's tons of stuff you can do better than I ever could."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" you ask.

"If you're fishing for compliments, I'm not falling for that," he shakes his head with a laugh.

"I'm not asking for compliments, I'm serious. You're always one step in front of me, Renjun. No matter how you look at it, you're perfect."

Renjun stops hammering to look at you. "Was that supposed to be a joke? I don't know if you've noticed, but the reason why I have to work so hard to keep my spot at the top is you. You keep me on track because I know if I slack off for even a sliver of a moment, you'll take it away from me. I'm not perfect."

You stare at him for a beat, an odd feeling stirring in your chest.

"No one's better than anyone, alright? We're equals," he finishes, re-focusing on his task again.

His voice is cool and smooth like marble and for the first time you hear a gentle tone in his words. The gleam in his eye showed you a more sincere side of himself you never knew existed and it made your heart pick-up.

"Right, of course," you say, forcing a laugh.

The two of you continue to have small talk as you work. Him, always asking the questions and you, trying to answer them as politely as possible. After a while, the atmosphere begins to feel less forced and you’re able to talk to him freely without feeling the painful drag of awkwardness.

When the sun begins to paint the sky red, you both decide that was enough work for the day. You agree to meet on Monday again after school.

You walk together to the parking lot mostly in silence. When Renjun offers to walk you to your sister's car you decline immediately, not wanting Sadie anywhere near him. You wave to him as you got into the passenger's side of Sadie's Audi.

"See 'ya later!" he shouts before he hops into a black truck across the lot.

"Who's that? He's cute," Sadie says, craning her neck to watch him get into the car.

You buckle your seatbelt. "Not really. That's just my lab partner from anatomy."

"Are you kidding me? If I was your age I'd be all over that. And single of course."

"I don't know, I guess he is. I haven't really thought about him that way before."

Sadie drives out of the parking lot, looking at you as if you had two heads. "You guess? We really need to sort out your taste in men."

You hum, waving her comment off and thankfully she doesn't pester you about it for the rest of the way home.

"Let's make cookies!" Sadie suggests, tossing her keys in the dish on the table.

You scowl. "You know I can't cook."

"I'll give you the easy stuff to do," she says, shuffling into the kitchen.

You press your lips together, following her to your doom. Baking cookies wasn't something you ever wanted to do in your lifetime but here you were in the kitchen with Sadie doing something you didn't want to do, yet again.

"I'll make the batter and then you can mix it with this spoon here, see?" she holds up a large wooden spoon.

You nod wordlessly, slumping over the wooden counter while she washes her hands.

You watch Sadie gather all the ingredients from around the kitchen and set them out around a ginormous bowl from the cupboard you didn't know existed until now.

"Since mom and dad aren't home yet, I can finally tell you about Jodie!" Sadie claps her hands excitedly.

You mime gagging behind her back before slumping back over the counter.

"Oh god, where do I even begin," she pauses in deep thought. "Oh! We met at orientation, as you know. But what I didn't tell you is how he asked me out."

"And how'd he do that?" you try to hide the boredom in your voice.

"He brought a big basket of those muffins I like from the dining hall—well technically he stole them but anyways—he brought them to my dorm and asked me to dinner at this underground restaurant and, ugh, it was so romantic! It had all these twinkly lights and a live band!"

"That does sound nice. Except for the stealing part. I don't find illegal stuff romantic."

"Of course you wouldn't, but anyway, we've been together ever since. We made two years last month," Sadie smiled at her bowl of mush ingredients.

"Wow, I hadn't even realized it's been that long," you reply, toying with the wooden spoon.

"Yeah," she sighs. "Mom and dad met him a couple of days before our anniversary but they don't know everything that happened so when I tell you this, you have to promise me you won't say anything, okay?"

You perk up at the seriousness of her tone. "Yeah, of course."

Sadie looks hesitant before she speaks. "After about a year into our relationship, Jodie...he cheated on me with some girl in his psych class."

"He what??!" you jump up, nearly knocking over the ingredients Sadie had set up so neatly.

Who in their right mind would ever cheat on someone as amazing as Sadie? Everyone loved Sadie. And you meant everyone. If someone didn't like her it was because they were jealous and even then they secretly liked her! It just didn't make sense. No matter which you put it, you can’t think of a single reason why he would think that was a good idea or even be tempted to cheat with another woman. He was more foolish than you ever anticipated.

"And what happened? You're still with him?"

Sadie looks ashamed as she avoids your gaze. "We broke up for about a month after it happened. But yes, we're still together."

You grab her arm, making her look at you. "Why would you get back together with someone who cheated on you with some random girl?"

"You wouldn't understand, __, you're still young. You've never even had a boyfriend before. It's not that simple."

You frown, confused and albeit a little angry. Isn't it common sense to break up after your partner had an affair? Sadie was everyone's dream girl—she was sweet, loving, beautiful, knew how to cook and was too forgiving for her own good. The fact that she decided to stay with some loser who couldn't see that was infuriating. You didn't like Jodie before but now you actually had a valid reason.

"Please don't be mad, __," Sadie pleads as if reading your mind. "Love is...complicated."

Complicated. There's that word again.

Sadie tucked her hair behind her ears, searching for the right words. "Just because he hurt me, doesn't mean I don't love him anymore. I can't just turn off my feelings for him whenever I want. Those feelings don't go away so easily and you'll see that for yourself one day,"

"I'd rather not," you huff, crossing your arms.

Sadie drags your body to the bowl now that she was done measuring the needed materials.

"Not all relationships turn out like mine. Maybe you'll have better luck than me," she gives you a small smile.

You stir the mixture clumsily, as you give her an pointed look. "Yeah right, have you met me?"

"Oh hush," she slaps your arm. "Enough about me. What about this lab partner of yours?"

You grimace. "I promise you nothing's going on there. His friend Jeno, however, is much more interesting."

Sadie holds the bowl steady for you as your stirring grows sloppier. "Oh, all the Jenos I've met are always crazy hot."

"His looks don't disappoint, believe me. He's got the whole school wrapped around his finger. He's really smart too."

"I knew he'd be smart if you were interested in him. Does he play a sport?"

"Soccer."

"That's even hotter," Sadie replies, taking the bowl from you and forming a small ball with the dough. "Can you grab that big pan and put a baking sheet over it for me?"

You follow her instructions and she thanks you, placing a ball on the pan.

"What's crazy is, he's barely even spoken to me prior to this week but he suddenly asked me to go to his party tonight."

"Well, you're going, right?" she pauses to turn on the oven.

"Of course not," you answer in an incredulous tone.

"Why not?!" Sadie exclaims. "You have to go!"

"I don't do parties and I don't do boys, you know that," you resume back to your position over the counter.

"Right, those lame rules you made when you were like ten. Don't you think they're a little ridiculous? You can still have a life and be successful, you know."

You pursed your lips. "I like my rules."

"You like them because they keep you in your comfort zone. You gotta go, honey. You're gonna regret it if you don't. And you don't have to date Jeno. Just try to get to know him—ignore him all night for all I care—just go and have some fun for once!"

"I don't think—"

"Nope! You don't have a choice, you're going!" she says cutting you off.

"Put the cookies in the oven while I get everything ready!" Sadie shouts as she runs off to her old room in haste.

You throw your head back, throwing a silent tantrum before putting the cookies in the oven.

When you meet Sadie in her room, her entire contents of her suitcase were thrown out onto the floor with a giant case of makeup open by the mirror. You immediately walked back out yelling out a quick and stern 'no!'

"Wait! Come on, it'll be fun!" she runs after you, her arms spilling over with dresses you'd rather die than to put on your body.

Sadie manages to coax you out of your room and back into hers but only after you made her promise to not do anything too crazy.

You change out of your uniform and into a pair of jeans and one of Sadie's satin blouses. You already flat-out refused to wear her dress so when you rejected the idea of wearing any type of heels, she settled for her black booties. You’re lucky you wear the same size in everything otherwise you’d end up showing up in that old church dress your mom bought you four years ago before you all stopped going. There was never a need to get nice-looking clothes because you never went anywhere.

You find yourself sitting on the floor in between your sister's legs as she curls your hair. You have major difficulty remaining still for long periods of time and Sadie burned you a few times because of it. When she’s content with your hair she attempts to do your makeup but your reject anything more than mascara and lipgloss, knowing what kind of harmful chemicals it was all made of.

You allow her to do your eyebrows solely because of the sad look in her eye when you said you didn't want to. It hurt like hell and you think you might regretted it a little but the outcome wasn't too shabby, although you'd never admit that to Sadie.

Sadie brings you a plate full of cookies as you did your mascara, giving you pointers as she munches down on a sugar cookie.

Once the torture was over, you feel like you were an entirely different person. Not in a catfish, full face of makeup kind of way but in a this girl never wears anything outside of her school uniform and pajamas kind of way. The person in the mirror looks so foreign to you and you can’t decide if it was a good or bad change but you didn't have too much time to dwell on it before Sadie was shoving you out the door.

After giving her the address from Jeno's Snapchat story, Sadie sends you a warm smile. Her nose crinkles a bit and she keeps staring at you with this motherly look in her eye.

"You look pretty. You always look pretty but you look especially pretty right now."

You're cheeks feel a tad warm as you give her an uncomfortable smile, thanking her.

Once you arrive at the address, Sadie grabs your hand and squeezes it. "Text me when you're ready for me to pick you up. Have fun okay? But be careful."

"Okay," you reply before exiting the car.

You wave to Sadie as she drives away, wishing you could call her back and beg her to take you home but it was too late for that. You came all the way here and now you had to man up and do this. But the overwhelming amount of second thoughts leave you frightened. You can’t help but wonder if Jeno's invitation to you was a joke or some sort of dare he was forced into. Even Renjun knew you didn't belong here.

You take a deep breath and walk towards the front door, letting yourself in. The music hits you like a wave, stunning you for a moment. You hadn't heard it outside the house so the overwhelming sound of the bass resonating through your bones made your heart pick up even faster than before.

The living room was packed with familiar-looking people, most of them leaned against the large walls of the room, a cup full of an unidentifiable liquid in their hands, others dancing wildly in the center of the room.

You decide to search for Jeno, not knowing what else to do. You squeeze through several clusters of people but the dimness of the room made it nearly impossible to see anyone clearly that wasn't less than five feet away, so you give up for the time being, taking an empty spot on the wall near the couch.

You unlock the screen of your phone, just about to text Sadie to come and get you when Haven strides up to you with a golden-haired boy you recognized as Jisung—one of Renjun's friends.

"What are you doing here?" she yells over the music.

You frown at her question. "You know why I'm here; you were there when Jeno invited me."

"You know Jeno?" Jisung asked, his eyes scanning you in curiosity. "I haven't seen you around before—are you new?"

Your fingernails dig into the skin of your palm. If you had a nickel for every time a student asked you that. You would think at least some people would have known you from the vast amounts of extra-curricular activities and sports you played but of course, you were just as invisible to them as you were to everyone else.

"I've been going to this school longer than you have, freshie," you fight the urge to roll your eyes at the kid.

"What's with the way you're dressed? Don't you own anything other than a lame shirt and some jeans?" Haven sneers, giving you a look of pure disgust.

You look down at your outfit, suddenly self-conscious. Was it too conservative for a party like this? Haven's mini skirt and flashy crop top made your outfit look dull in comparison. Maybe you should’ve worn one of Sadie’s dresses after all.

And here you thought bumping into Haven was going to save you from the embarrassment of hanging around the party like some loner without friends. before now, you never really cared to make friends throughout school, preferring to be alone. You had your parents and although they were annoying at times, they were more than enough company for you. You try not to allow her words to affect you but they do. Your throat tightens with sudden urge to cry but you fight it.

"Just because I'm not dressed like a whore doesn't mean it's not cute," you gruff, brushing past her.

You push through the crowd of people towards the front door only to bump into a hard chest that belonged to none other than Lee Jeno.

"Oof! I'm sorry—oh! __, you came," Jeno smiles pleasantly. "Come with me," he grabs your elbow, not waiting for a response as he leads you back to the center of the room to the twin couches.

He signals his friends to make a space for you, ushering you to sit down next to him. You’re surprised to see Renjun sitting on the other side of you, immersed in what seemed like an intense level of Tetris.

"Hey, Renjun," you greet him.

Renjun glances up from his phone, his eyes going wide, obviously surprised that you showed up.

"Umm...Renjun?" you sit back, feeling uncomfortable after a while of him not saying anything.

"Hello? Earth to Renjun?" you snap your fingers in front of his face, finally sparking something in him as he blinks once then twice.

"S-sorry, hi," he says awkwardly then resumes playing his game.

You scowl, expecting a better response. Why was he acting so strange? Just a few hours ago, he insisted on walking you to Sadie's car but now he won't say more than two words to you? Did he not want his friends to know you were getting along?

You’re silent as Jeno jokes along with his friends, a crowd gathering around the popular boy. His eyes squint into laughter whenever one of his friends says something stupid. Thankfully, he was turned in the opposite direction so you could admire the side-view of his chiseled face. You’re glad to have found Jeno when you did, or else you wouldn't have been sitting next to him now, feeling like you a part of something for once.

"Why do you look like that?" Renjun speaks and your cheeks turn rosy, hoping he didn't notice you staring at his best friend.

You attempt to look nonchalant as you answer. "Look like what?"

"I don't know. You look...weird," he says, his eyes staring straight into yours, making you feel cold.

You drew back from him, your heart feeling heavy at his statement. Did you really look so bad that two people had to tell you that to your face?

Apparently, Jeno had heard the conversation as he wraps his arm around your shoulder. "I think you look pretty," he pokes a finger in your cheek and you almost die on the spot.

You shake your head, embarrassed, and Jeno only chuckles, turning back to his friends but leaving his arm around you.

You don't say anything after that, listening to the notes of a song you’ve never heard before in favor of the conversation being held next to you. They were talking about sports, something--unless it was volleyball--that you didn't have much interest in. After a few songs, you get bored, looking to Renjun, who was still on the same level of Tetris. Feeling your gaze on him, you lock eyes for a brief moment then he looks away again.

Concerned, you nudge his elbow, "Are you okay?"

Renjun doesn't look back up at you. "I'm fine."

Obviously, he wasn't but you drop it, not wanting him to snap at you again like the other day.

Jeno tightens his arm around your neck, grabbing your attention. "You wanna dance?"

"Oh, god no," you answer quickly. "I don't dance."

Jeno tilts his head at you. "Hmm..."

You blink, waiting for him to continue.

He stands up abruptly, your eyes following him. "Come with me," he holds a hand out for you to take.

You remember your sister's warning and decide that doesn't sound like a safe thing to do. "I want to stay here."

Jeno pouts, sensing the reason behind your hesitancy. He grabs your wrist, pulling you up with strength you didn't know he had.

"I promise, I won't try anything weird," he smiles that Jeno smile at you and how could you resist?

You let him drag you away from the party, your eyes alert for anything if he tried something funny. You never fought anyone before but you decide that if it came down to it, you were prepared to, even if it was your precious Jeno.

You pass through the kitchen and dining area, where there’s a glass sliding door leading to a patio. He opens it, stepping through first and letting go of you as he held the door open for you. It was a wooden patio with a large grill and fancy table with a yard that has more than enough space for the entire party attendees to run around in. The quietness surrounds your ears as you venture out further onto the patio, noticing a pool at the end of the yard. It was the kind of backyard that everyone dreamed of as a kid.

Jeno motions with his head to follow him and you trail behind him to the lounge chairs by the pool.

"Is this more comfortable for you?" he asks crossing his legs as he lays back in his chair.

You smile, abashedly. "Yes."

Your eyes follow a group of leaves swirling around each other in the pool as you ask Jeno a question that had been on your mind since Wednesday.

"Why did you invite me to your party?" your heart pounds in your ears, remorse fueling your body at the question immediately. You wouldn't know what you'd do if he told you it was a joke. Or worse, if he suddenly confessed to you.

Jeno purses his lips, drinking from his cup, probably full of luke-warm beer. "Because I think you're hilarious. Plus you're super pretty. I always wanted to get closer to you so I thought inviting you to my party would be a good place to start."

You let out a breath, neither relieved or disappointed he didn't ask you out. But he did admit he was interested in you in a way, didn't he? You decide to ask Sadie when you get home.

"So, how's that booth coming along?"

You snort, remembering the project Renjun sucked you into doing with him. "It's nearly half-way done but it would be closer to being finished if I didn't have to start on my own."

"Yeah I heard about that," he giggles. "Go easy on him, okay? He's under a lot of stress right now."

Your eyes almost dart of their sockets. "That boy gets everything he wants. There's no way in hell he could have anything more than the occasional pimple to stress over."

Jeno snickers again. "You always crack me up," with a shake of his head he continues. "Renjun's father is really hard on him when it comes to school and he's also really disappointed in him for not being on the soccer team. The best just isn't enough for the guy, I guess."

You sigh, trying to wrap your head around the concept of Renjun having real issues. Of course, every person had their own problems it's just that you never actually thought of him as a person. He was always just an obstacle blocking you from the future you've always wanted.

"I didn't know that," you say after a while.

"No one does. He doesn't like telling people," he stops to take a gulp of beer. "Does that mean you'll be nicer to Renjun?"

"Ha!" you scoff, taking his cup and having a sip. You weren't really sure what made you do that but it was already too late, the warm beverage already making its way down your throat. It wasn't as bad as you thought it would be but it still wasn't a flavor that you particularly liked. You shrug, taking a bigger gulp of it.

"Nine times out of ten he's the one who starts it. He brings it on himself," you laugh.

Jeno's laughter chimes with yours and you enjoy each other's company for a little while longer, just staring at the moon hanging in the raven sky.

"I don't get how you can even stand being friends with him. You pick on each other all day."

Jeno sighs, kicking his feet in the air. "That's what friends do, I guess. Maybe that's just guys, though. I mean, it all comes from a good place but when it really comes down to it, we're always there for each other."

"That's nice," you say, suddenly feeling guilty for what you said about Jeno. "I wouldn't know. I don't really have friends."

Jeno raises his eyebrows at you. "Really? I thought you had a ton of friends in all those clubs your in."

"Nah, I never really connected with those people."

"Well, I'll be your friend," Jeno cheeses at you and you gush, an unmistakable blush warming your cheeks.

You nod, as you struggle to drink the last of the contents of the beer with an unwavering smile.

A stiff breeze blows by, the leaves rustling in the trees above your heads. You tuck your face into your jacket to brace yourself from the cold.

"I already broke two rules in the span of one hour," you breath, not caring your words formed aloud.

Jeno glances at you curiously, "Hmm?"

You smile to yourself. "Nothing. It’s just some stupid rules I made up when I was like ten."

"Is dancing included in those rules?"

"No, actually."

Jeno stands up with a grunt. "Would you reconsider my offer from earlier?" he asks, his hand held out to you like before.

You weren't sure if it was the now empty cup of beer or maybe you felt a change in you at that moment that you never felt before but you found yourself taking his hand and being led away to the dance floor.

The music was different than what you were used to, the beat a little too fast-paced for you but you followed what everyone else was doing around you, throwing your hands above your head and jumping until you were out of breath. Jeno guides your body closer to him until you were pressed against one another, his arm secured tightly around your waist. You throw your head back in laughter, never having thought the night would've turned out like this. Jeno’s fiery lauch chimes in with yours, his eyes squinting into slits as he twirls you around the living room. You’ve never felt so free. Your mind was always weighted by thoughts of homework and exams. Your life revolved around school and you never seen a problem with it. So many years spent cooped at home when you could’ve been experiencing this. A few more cups and you don't even have a second thought about dancing with Jeno, the two of you goofing around the living room and bouncing around wildly. You were too drunk to notice the entire room hooting and cheering you on and you were too drunk to notice Renjun's eyes glued to the two of you the entire night.

You toss your bag on the floor of the car, then plop down in the seat, Sadie already revving up the engine next to you.

She sends you an odd look once you’ve settled in. "No headband and ponytail today?"

Your hands smooth over the top of your hair instinctively. "No. I think I like my hair better down."

Sadie reaches over, pinching your cheek. "I think you look good either way."

You rub the spot Sadie grabbed, grumbling as you always did.

"One party and my little sissy's all grown up!" Sadie cries, her lips in a pout.

You face-palm yourself. "Nothing's changed. I just styled my hair little differently today, Sadie."

The car comes to a stop at a red light. "Are you sure this has nothing to do with Jeno confessing to you at the party?"

Your face turns beet red as you sputter to defend yourself. "It wasn't a confession! And I didn't have time to find my headband because I slept through my alarm. Thanks for waking me up on time, by the way, Miss I-Wake-Up-At-Four A.M-everyday!"

Sadie giggles an apology, patting your leg.

You arrive to your first period, sitting in your unassigned-assigned seat and throwing your belongings down in the seat next to you, waiting as the rest of the students poured in. The bell sounds and Mrs. Brookes comes in, stressing about the class average of the quiz you took Friday.

Your graded papers were passed back and you were delighted to see an A+ scribbled in red at the top. You look up to find Renjun and show him your score. You aced the quiz just as said you would back at the field the other day. When your eyes land on his seat, however, you find it empty. Your eyes scan the classroom but still no Renjun. Did he not come in at all? It was strange for him to be tardy–it was normally you who was always late. Was he okay? He did look a bit off the last time you saw him...

You find yourself constantly checking the door throughout the class period, expecting him to barge in with some lame excuse or maybe he had a real one for being late for all you knew but he never did.

Second and third period go by and still no sign of Renjun. You were starting to worry about the booth. You didn't want to work on it by yourself but if he wasn't going to show, shouldn't he at least message you?

You suddenly remember Jeno's words to go easy on Renjun. It was things like this that made it impossible to do just that. This was important to you and you could've sworn it was important to him too! Next time you see him, you’ll kill him! Not even Jeno could stand in the way of what you were going to do to him.

When you make it to the field later that afternoon, there’s a lot more kids than last week but, of course, still no Renjun. You puff your cheeks with air, zipping up your coat and start to paint the last part of the booth.

Not even a moment later, a kid walks over to you with a scarf covering half of his face and a coat so big he could barely move his arms.

"Hey, you're __, right?"

You put down your paintbrush. "Yeah? Who are you?"

"I'm Chenle. Renjun asked me to help you out with the booth for him."

"Oh," you blink. You were relieved you didn't have to do this on your own but you were kind of uncomfortable working with a stranger at the same time.

"Why wasn't he at school today, anyway?"

You could tell he was smiling by the rise in his cheeks. "He told me to tell you that he was sick today but I don't see a reason to lie to a stranger. He actually came late after third period."

You let a curse slip through your lips but hold in your rage, picking up the paintbrush again. There was no way he could be serious. He only missed three classes, which happened to be the only ones he shared with you.

"So, why wasn't he at lunch?"

He shrugs. "I don't know either. I just assumed he was with Jeno,"

You let out a long sigh.

Jeno wasn't at lunch either? You hadn't even noticed; you were so busy looking for Renjun. Your eyebrows furrow, giving Chenle something easy to do while you finish painting. You’re angry more than anything. You blew up his phone all day, asking where he was and if he was okay and yet, not a single response but he was at school the whole time. Why would he do that? Was he avoiding you for some reason? You didn't exactly know why but it pained you to think that. Was it stupid to think you were actually becoming friends?

Of course, you weren't friends. Renjun was just trying to make working together tolerable. How could you think that when he was being so cold to you at the party? You were still competing with each other at the end of the day. What good could possibly come out of befriending your enemy? He didn't text you back because he didn't have to. He sent someone to help you out in his place and that was all he owed you.

You knew you had no reason to be upset. Renjun didn't trick you into anything. He never said he wanted to be friends. It was your fault for mistaking his kindness for something bigger than that. But still, your eyes sting with unshed tears, your back turned away from Chenle. You weren't going to cry in front of Renjun's friend. You'd embarrassed yourself enough already.

73 notes · View notes

changji · 5 years

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Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

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thisismyghost-blog · 5 years

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1st time I told my fam/friends on fb about the sadistic monster who abused me and is facing agg kidnapping and 3agg rape charges

So idk how some of you will react to this but i have to risk people who will hate me or just turn away in order to gain reinforcements. I have been practically in hiding for almost a year after finally giving up on keeping a bold face at my job that I loved with a few people that I really loved due to the pain I didn’t know how to handle of being visibly and deeply scorned by a few people who I had done nothing to but be friendly and awkward to (just due to lack of social experience)I have been protected under the love of my amazing family, my best friend Sayruh, and the incredible loving man who I can’t describe rn who came into my life about five years ago and with who’s path, unfortunately, was diverged during what I’m about to tell you. This isn’t going to be college level essay ish, so bare with me. I’m bleeding and panting out of breathe in the battlefield of life at this moment but I haven’t dropped the sword and I never will. I don’t have to do this alone, as much as I’ve been alone and felt deeply affected by if people think I am worthless, stupid, ugly, a whore or make assumptions about me that hurt them or take me the wrong way.i have hidden myself to protect others and to protect myself but I see now that is utter BULLLSHHIIITTT y’all. I was in a “relationship”with what fits the pattern of a malignant narcissist, possible psychopath for 9 entire soul crushing, brain washing, body mutilating, being made to believe I was bad or crazy, turning against myself months. That’s the time it takes to grow a fully ripened human, and apparently it’s also the time to nearly break an intelligent, loving sister, mother, daughter, friend, woman almost entirely. This creature who masquerades as an attractive, eloquent, humble, caring, selfless individual has likely been slandering me since the moment he walked into my place of work as he, behind the scenes, carefully put up walls between me and anyone who might later have compassion for the things he had in store for me. That wasn’t terribly hard due to the fact that I was already a very shy person.This Lucifer gaslighted, undermined and abused me while successfully convincing me that he was helping me become a better person and applying his version of “therapy” based on his claimed experience in mental health in another country and coming out of terrible traumas all by himself. This person took the self doubt i already had, filled it with poison, and offered it through a needle promising the antidote. This person used my compassion and love for others to convince me to let him do horrible things to me as a stress relief or way of dealing with their past trauma in order to help them, to help them not do self destructive things and be able to go out and help others in Grand ways that he constantly spoke of.I have been hiding because I have seen that human nature tends to immediately start looking for ways to blame or dehumanize people that are in horrible situations like this. I have been hiding because I could feel the seering looks of disgust, feel the betrayel from those I had admired and even looked up to that had already taken place and wished not to extend an opportunity for others. I realize now that I have been ashamed of being vulnerable to someone else’s lack of humanity and feeling as though that truly debased me or may as well if it succeeded in debasing me from human status in the eyes of most people onlooking, so why give them a chance to onlook?I have no choice now because today I was shown my choice by the assistant district attorney. It was my hope to protect others from this monster. It was my hope because I have seen what these creatures who walk among us, looking like people, expressing emotion on their face like people, and I have seen this creature twist otherwise upstanding, moderately intelligent individuals into hating a person in order to discredit them and also back them further into a corner, convince them they are nothing, watch them suffer and feed on their tears like a twisted vampire. You think you can spot a monster? Maybe you would have better luck. I think we all think we do, how can you not believe what your mind is telling you when you look at what looks like a human being but is a monster no one warned you about, who literally takes pleasure in slowly driving you insane and takes bites out of your flesh like a wolf and yelling at you for bleeding. I am not perfect, no one is. I make mistakes, that’s human. I take the wrong path sometimes, also human. Do I need to say that in order for you not to start asking a million questions until you get to the part where your brain can let out a sigh of relief and go “ooohh I was worried this world was that horrific for a minute but clearly this bitch is an idiot or a sinner who deserved whatever she’s going on about.”?I want to stop and give credit where credit is due.I am tempted to name names but I haven’t. There are people who I worked next to everyday and only had affection for who completely turned their back on me when he was arrested. I didn’t call police, my doctor did. I hate attention, I have no vendettas. I have to get out of this corner letting him and his minions scare/shame me into silence and projecting their ill motives onto me. I know it makes no sense. I only know that I am sure I experienced what I imagine thousands of murdered women experienced in their final moments. I feel that he would enjoyed watching my final moments and holding them in his hands like a god. I only know that an amazing doctor who I trusted and went to for advice about how to not get murdered or even possibly salvage my life from without police help because I didn’t believe they would help me. I believed him when he told me his ex’s called police and he talked them away, I believed him when he told me that police came to my door at times when I was screaming and he talked to them while I was in the bathroom crying and convinced them everything was ok. I believed what he didn’t have to put into words but only insinuate, that everyone will call me a stupid lying whore for staying around and trying to get help would only result in being told so. I was wrong. My doctor called the police without my knowledge, everyone treated me with compassion and respect and told me I was safe now. I thought that meant other girls would be safe now. I was mistaken. I held onto the remaining shards of my life with all my strength, allowing people under his spell to treat me despicably as I fought the tears, told myself it’s my fault for not being a better person who speaks up and is more than just quiet and friendly but involved and let’s you know them and is there for you. I tried to hold my head high and ignore them or focus on the 3 friends I had left and remind myself that they could have no clue what the truth was and that they would never believe me over such a charming loveable individual. How do you tell someone that a person they admire is capable of worse things than they have ever imagined and expect them to believe you unless they are incredibly close and trusting of you?Trial is coming up. I thought I could seek back up through expert witnesses and professionals who could untangle the dark web of deadly lies, ignorance and misinformation. I thought maybe I could find others like the girl he claimed to have put in the hospital for three months.. I thought.. Maybe.. I could sleep at night one day without picturing dead girls all alone in a landfill disposed of by him and forgotten. That is only my imagination but your mind is your window to the world and it’s all you see. Instead I am told that due to the burden of proof, even after the stack of felony indictments an incredible female detective at Smyrna PD was able to procure on my behalf.. That he will most likely walk free or get less than a decade and be let loose upon the world again. If you ever get hurt, make sure it’s by a total stranger and that you see clearly what’s going on in order to be able to immediately, report it and get the hell away from them so the law can protect you.(sarcasm if u didn’t see it.)There has to be an alarm raised and debate changed. Not for me but for my niece, my cousins, our daughters and sons, every human being who is out there vulnerable to be spotted by a shark who probably dresses and speaks properly and seems like a “stand up citizen” maybe even have a position of authority, maybe even like he did, claim to be a representative of Jesus and some version of my personal Satan’s false story that he was a champion of all orphans and the disenfranchised. I have pictures of him surrounded by smiling children he claimed were in a orphanage he managed for a time in an impoverished part of the world and claimed to have been their main source of affection and mental health assistance in dealing with the loss of their parents.If you are totally mind f9(?#d after reading this, understand that I have been fighting epic battles through Hell daily via my mind and PTSD armed with love from my son, family, Antwane. An inkling that maybe I can build some sort of bridge to the nameless victims who will never have a charge formally filed much less prosecuted, the forgotten girls buried in shallow graves because a monster feasted on their human heart and knew no one would be in their corner to save them and that society at Large would walk on their unmarked grave with no tears shed for a “whore”. Armed with the small bit of reason and understanding I’ve gained through education and love not letting me die no matter how much agony and confusion and darkness swallowed me whole I walk out of that dark corner of shame today. I still need healing, I still am learning not to be hard on myself, I still have no idea what I’m doing but I’m fighting y’all and I have gained the type of clarity I’m not sure many people ever have after a lifetime. There is no magic day to come where after you try hard enough you never incur anymore criticism and you feel good enough, but in the meantime those who are so sure of themselves are devouring the innocent, virtually wholly unchecked and every bully, every shaming comment meant to put you down and shut you up is a type of weaponry used by those behaving inhumanely and projecting their diminished humanity onto you. Don’t let them do it. If you care how you affect other people you are top notch in my book and every shortcoming you have tell everyone to STFU about and keep going. Your inability to wow a crowd or rock a swimsuit for a magazine or even speak to a stranger or your emotional outburst and lack of attention to your house when you’re depressed.. any and everything that you feel ashamed about, you give it the middle finger for me. Your voice in your own head and how you see yourself is where it starts and YOU are who I need to join me in this fight with the odds insanely against me and the rest who fall into their snare. I need you to keep trying,I need you to fight to see for yourself what really matters and what is left because there are no superheroes or quick fixes and everytime you feel empathy for someone and want to take their pain or help, this is how. You become strong and you fight for reason, compassion, you fight the voices that degrade and throw away human beings but you start with your own.If you want to talk, text me. Might take some time but I’ll be there and I will not judge anything so if you just need to vent things you feel shame about I am a good sounding board I have discovered. I don’t have any answers for you but I am another human being who values you. Naj is doing great btw he’s facing his own bullies but he’s got an expert on his side and an amazing dad and uncle. I have an extremely bright gorgeous life ahead and I see it on the horizon. I almost said if I don’t reach it I will die trying but there are 3 amazing guys in the next room that love me, a gorgeous brilliant sister a few minutes away, my mom with her endless Love, compassion, years of memories and experience that I hope to be able to properly learn from and appreciate, this genius niece who is so much like me at her age but better and actually likes me. I could keep going. If you looked in the mirror today and thought anything besides “Damn fine bitch, world’s lucky to have me!” then go apologize please. Maybe you won’t mean it but you can get there. I may not be able to stop him. There may be Hell on Earth that I have yet to see, but the people who love us and are waiting for us to meet and love them, they are what matters now. You are what matters to me now. He used to tell me I would gain great wisdom from him and help him change the world. I did gain wisdom, I won’t give him credit for that, I dug it out of the ashes of what he left behind. If that’s possible then imagine what you can do

#recovery #recoveryafterabuse #recoveryafterrape #raperecovery #narcabuse #malignantnarcissit #sadisticpsychopath #covertmalignantnarcissist #psychopathabuse #datingpsychopath #datingcovertnarcissit #rapetrial #lowselfesteem #shame #ptsd #rapetraumarecovery #pnsd

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krustywhore · 6 years

Text

ten thousand words ch. 9

hhh surprise update;)

no sprace in this chapter, but plenty of faves

(I’m at a football game on mobile rn so I’ll fix the formatting later but I just got impatient lmao)

also here it is on ao3 with correct formatting!!

Jack lived for the thumping bass vibrating through the floorboards. He would give anything for the rush of a few too many drinks in his system and pretty girls dancing nonstop. His second year of college and he was living the high life. Drinking cheap beer out of plastic cups in the basement of a semi-abandoned house. The high life.

“Hey!” He called, catching the attention of his roommate, Davey. “You’re not leavin’, are ya’?”

Davey sighed, turning and sitting down in a plastic chair next to Jack.

“What’s it to you?” He grumbled, downing a sip of his drink. “You don’t have to leave with me.”

Jack looked around the room, trying to find any familiar faces in the sea of drunk barely-adults.

“You really hate this?” Davey shrugged.

“It’s a Thursday, Jack. I have three classes tomorrow,” he sighed. “I can’t just relax and go out whenever I want.”

Jack ran a hand through his hair, reaching over to the coffee table to grab a shitty pen and a cocktail napkin. He propped the napkin on his knee and started sketching.

“Davey,” He spoke in a tone that mimicked that of a slightly-condescending teacher. Davey did not seem fond of this, but he rolled his eyes fondly. “I’m gonna’ tell you something that’s gonna’ save you from being a grumpy old man my the time you graduate.

Davey snorted and pulled out a wad of headphones from his pocket.

“You need to have fun. Look, your sister is the epitome of fun,” he started, pointing at Sarah who was challenging one of the sorority girls to chugging an entire bottle of wine. “Whether it’s your family or your double major, or whatever, you don’t want these last three years to be the worst of your life, Dave. Trust me, letting loose every once in a while seriously helps when you need to double down and focus in a day or two. Like, if I know I have a party to go to at the end of the week, I know I have less than five days to get my shit done so I can have fun.

Davey stopped trying to untangle the pile of white wires.

“If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing. You can go home, I’ll give you my keys and you can go, but maybe think about it?” And Davey nodded. He shoved his headphone jack into his phone and, as Jack took that as his decision to mope around for the rest of the night, he hung his head over his bottle, holding it and swishing the beer around inside.

“Here,” Davey spoke up, Jack looking to the side to see him holding out a single earbud, the other in the former’s ear already.

Jack chuckled, setting his drink down on the coffee table.

“No, no, no,” he smirked. “You stay right there. We’re gonna’ do this right.” He dashed off, dodging through the crowd to get to Albert at the bar. He returned a few seconds later with two red cups of sloshing liquid, one of which he handed to Davey. “I couldn’t even begin to tell you what’s in this, so drink fast and try not to think about it.”

Jack plopped himself down on the sofa and graciously accepted Davey’s opposite earbud, chuckling softly at the high-tempo classical music.

“If you’re gonna’ hang out with me, Jackie, you have to deal with my version of hype music,” Davey mumbled, just loud enough for Jack to hear from beside him.

“That I can handle,” Jack smiled, tossing back another sip of his drink and sinking back into the sofa, letting the music drown out the rest of the party.

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“So you’re a freshman?” Sarah asked, trying to claim the attention of the redhead girl looking very confused by all of the drinks.

“Huh?” Her hair bounced as she whipped her head around. “Oh! Yeah, I am.”

“Cool, cool,” Sarah continued, climbing on top of the makeshift bar counter, sitting across the table from the girl. “I’m a sophomore, but it’s my brother and I’s first year here. We transferred in from out of state. University of Chicago, specifically.”

The girl smiled, her hands in her pockets.

“Do you, um, maybe have any recommendations? Sorry, I’ve just only really ever had the stuff my father used to buy, so I’m not really used to all this, um, cheap beer and stuff,” She rambled, immediately covering her mouth with her hand, a horrified look in her eyes. “Oh my god, that’s horrible, I totally don’t mean it like that! I just meant, you know, my father was really picky about alcohol and stuff! I just, kinda, took whatever he had in the house, and I-”

“It’s cool,” Sarah interrupted, flashing the girl a smile and a laugh. “Trust me, we all know we’re cheap. What’s your name, princess?”

“Oh, god,” she groaned, a laugh in her voice as she buried her face in her hands. “That’s gonna’ stick around for a while isn’t it?”

“At least until I get your real name, that is,” Sarah chirped, reaching under the bar to grab two bottles of their cheapest wine. “Until then, I propose a toast.” She popped the corks one by one.

“And what exactly are we toasting?” The redhead asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don’t know,” Sarah started, her drunk brain clearly trying to come up with something. “How ‘bout we toast to your rich dad and his fancy liquor that I really hope gave you a high tolerance.”

The girl laughed, but shrugged, grabbing a bottle.

“Keep up then, princey,” she teased, immediately tipping back the bottle and chugging as much as she could. She kept both eyes open, never making a face as she stared down her opponent.

Sarah immediately pulled out her phone and took pictures, laughing as she watched the girl drain the last few drops of the bottle and immediately toss it behind the bar. Surprisingly or not, it didn’t break and merely bounced behind some empty boxes.

“Eh, it’s drugstore wine. The bottle’s probably plastic,” Sarah joked, earning a laugh from her new friend.

“Oh come on, stop stalling,” she teased, egging Sarah on.

“Fine,” the latter smirked, sweeping her ponytail off her shoulder. “Watch this.”

She, much like Katherine, tipped the bottle into her mouth, but instead held it between her teeth and chugged the whole thing with no hands. The moment she finished, she puffed the bottle out of her mouth and onto the floor, both girls laughing hilariously.

“Katherine,” the redhead spoke up once she composed herself slightly, jutting out her hand for Sarah to shake.

The latter stared at it for a second before grabbing it gently and bowing slightly to bring it to her lips and kiss across the girl’s knuckles. “Sarah,” she spoke, sending chills up the other’s arm.

Sarah Jacobs would be the first to admit she’d had more than platonic feelings for girls before, but Katherine? Yeah, this was very new and she couldn’t deny she kind-of liked it.

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“Who was that guy you were with earlier?” Albert whipped his head around to see one of his frat brothers, Austin, nudging him with his elbow. Albert dug through his memories of the night so far, only coming up with one person his friend wouldn’t know.

“Race? Kinda lanky, blond, not exactly talkative?” He suggested.

“Yeah, where’d he come from?” Austin asked, pulling off his cap for a second and repositioning his shaggy brown hair.

Albert tossed his friend another beer bottle while they talked, the other catching it with ease. They were both there with baseball scholarships, after all.

“You know Spot, right?” Austin nodded, popping the cap of the bottle. “Yeah, they’re friends I guess. I don’t really know why he came. Why, do you know ‘im?”

Austin took a second before he sighed, stepping back behind the bar next to Albert and away from the crowd around him.

“You think he’s gay?” Austin asked, his voice barely audible.

Albert was a bit taken aback, but he shrugged anyway. “I mean, just from tonight, I’d guess he’s all over Conlon for a reason, but I guess I don’t really know. Why, is that a problem or somethin’?” He couldn’t help getting a bit defensive.

“Nah, definitely not,” Austin started vaguely. “Think he’d say yes if I asked ‘im out?”

Now that was not what Albert was expecting.

“Y-you want to...oh, I mean, I don’t really know him, but like, yeah? Go for it, I guess,” Albert rambled awkwardly.

Austin chuckled, clapping Albert on the shoulder.

“We’re cool, right dude?” He asked, only a slight nervous quiver in his voice.

“Yeah, ‘course,” Albert smiled, clinking their bottles together. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

Austin smiled, a slight blush on his cheeks before he ducked out, looking for a particular blond in the sea of people.

#ten thousand words #my writing #sprace #newsies #javid #newsbians

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ragehappysecretsanta · 6 years

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Author: http://teamcrazydicks.tumblr.com

Recipient: http://oxfordsemicolon-rebel.tumblr.com

Summary: It was supposed to be a reconnaissance mission. Gavin wasn’t supposed to get hurt. Now he’s stuck in a hospital room with the Vagabond, waiting to get discharged. There are a lot of things they both don’t want to tell the other about.

[For the prompt 'FakeAHCrew!AU. Person B is injured on a heist, the rest of the crew goes to comfort them. Unknown to the crew, however, is that Person A was also injured but doesn't want to reveal the injury for whatever reason.']

Warnings: Rated T, minor description of non-fatal injuries

WordCount: 5328

The Fakes didn’t go to hospitals. Not if they could help it. That was one of the unfortunate downsides to having a face synonymous with a spot on the LSPD’s most wanted list. They had the foresight to have an RN on their payroll instead, and a few industrially-stocked med kits in most places they might land after a job went south.

So when Gavin came to and, through a haze of drugs, pain, and exhaustion, blinked his eyes open and deduced he was in a hospital room, the thought that lazily floated to the forefront of his mind was, shit. His eyes tracked along the wall, the hanging TV that was off, the open window that showed it was sometime in the afternoon. He wasn’t cuffed to the bed, and there weren’t any cops at least. That was good. He relaxed again, knowing he was too weak to struggle to his feet and break out.

The next thought he had didn’t float so much as navigate through the mental debris currently clouding his brain was that it was supposed to have been a simple reconnaissance mission. Easy. In and out. Little to no chance of getting shot. Gavin was the hacker, the tech guy. He didn’t handle getting shot well. Save that for someone like –

Gavin jumped in his skin when the door banged open, grunted in pain a second later from the involuntary movement. The room had a small entryway, probably where the bathroom was, so there was a stretched pause between the door shutting again and the intruder appearing in Gavin’s line of sight.

Ryan stepped into the room. It took a moment for Gavin to realize it actually was Ryan; he had only caught the Vagabond out of the makeup and mask a handful of times, so it took a moment for his eyes to comprehend what he was seeing. That, and the guy had materialized wearing baggy jeans and a sweater, for Christ’s sake. His long hair had been cut short. He was giving Gavin an eyeful of some expression. Anger? Blame? Then he just sighed, twisting a little Styrofoam cup in his hand to take a sip from the opened top.

Gavin tried to unstick his mouth and ask if the other man had come to put him out of his misery. But Ryan beat him to the punch, speaking up in that usually dry tone of his. “Of course you wake up in the five minutes it takes me to get some coffee.” He took another, pointed sip out of the cup.

Gavin tried to eke out an apology, but all that seemed to come out was air. Ryan placed the cup by Gavin’s bedside and moved behind his line of sight. He heard the sound of water being poured and was, some moments later, presented with his own cup with a long straw. Ryan held the cup while he drank. “Michael and I are alright,” Ryan prefaced. “You were – well you weren’t on death’s doorstep or anything, but you were out of it for almost three days. Lots of superficial cuts; you’re on antibiotics for the infection on some of your deeper lacerations. They had to dig out some shrapnel in your abdomen and they were considering some physical therapy, due to the fact that they don’t want you to move around a lot for a while.”

Gavin looked up at Ryan, processing everything he said. “A while?”

Ryan shrugged. “They wanted to play it by ear, I guess. Don’t worry, as soon as you can stand I’m getting you out of here. If you need extra help, we can get somebody, do it in the privacy of your place.” Gavin nodded, leaning further against the pillows. Ryan put his water cup on the bedside table and took a seat next to his bed.

“How did you even get us in here without the police finding out?” Gavin took a breath. “I mean, I probably look like someone who survived a bomb attack.”

“Yeah, had to say something about letting off too many fireworks and not getting away in time.”

“Fireworks?”

“Considering we have a lake house and like throwing barbeques with our neighbors.”

Gavin squinted. “We do? Since when?”

“Since you needed medical attention and we’re the only two people in the Crew who can have a normal civilian identity.” He held up his left hand, Gavin noticed there was a gold band on it.

“Don’t tell me…”

“Yep. I’m carrying yours. You’re a size nine, right?”

He was. Gavin didn’t need to think long and hard about how Ryan might have figured that one out. “I don’t know why you’d even ask, as if you didn’t already size me for that and my casket, too.” Ryan smiled.

“I didn’t size you for your casket. I don’t think they even do that anymore. You think I’m making you your own coffin? I’m a busy man.”

“Not so busy that you couldn’t sit by your apparent husband’s bedside.” Finding that his hand was fine to move, he drummed a pattern on the sheets, then yawned.

“Well,” Ryan said, “I was kind of poking at what you got from the USB stick. Trying to see if I could get any damning evidence on those guys. Some locations, names.”

“Anything?”

“I found the name Lemuria, not sure if that’s their gang’s name or some drug or what. It’s all encrypted, and I can’t get any further without a cipher.”

With some effort, Gavin rolled onto his side. He sighed; despite the effort of moving, his back ached from laying that way for so long. “I made a de-encryption program a while back that uses a lot of the more popular ciphers. We can program more in too, if we can find any that might work. If you call Geoff I can tell him to bring my laptop over and –”

“No,” Ryan interrupted.

“No?”

“Not yet. You just woke up.”

“Yeah, exactly. I’m awake.”

“After being out for three days.”

“What, you think I don’t know my own code?”

“No, I just –” There was a loud rap on the door; a moment later a woman in maroon scrubs came through the door.

“Oh! Mr. Foster, you’re awake, that’s great. How are you feeling?”

Gavin blinked. “Uh, a bit sore, from… everything, yeah. But good, otherwise. In one piece.” She smiled at him.

“I’ll grab the doctor in a few minutes then. We’ll see if we can get you something for the pain. Did your husband explain your injuries?” Gavin’s eyes slid over to Ryan, who now had on an expression of worried fondness. He swallowed.

“Uh, yes, he did. Lucky he was here when I woke up, yeah? Like, like sleeping beauty. Right?”

The nurse forced a laugh. “Right. I’ll be back in a minute.” She shut the door.

“Sleeping beauty?” Ryan asked, after a moment.

“Whatever, I have to pretend we’re together, don’t I?”

“So you throw in fairy tale references? You might be laying it on a little thick.”

“You’re laying it on a little thick, sod off.” Gavin thought about turning so his back was to the other man, but the idea made most of the muscles in his abdomen twinge in pain, so he stayed where he was.

“Sod off,” Ryan echoed. “How terribly British of you.”

“W – I am British, what are you on about?” Ryan shrugged.

“You could be Welsh. Or Irish, right?”

“I could not.”

“Scottish.”

“Don’t even –” Gavin squinted. “What’s your name?”

“…Feeling alright there?”

“No you knob, I mean your – cover name, or whatever.”

“Oh, uh. Mark Forster. And you’re Thomas Forster.”

“Okay, so, Mark,” Gavin growled with annoyance. “I’ve had it up to bloody here with you.”

Ryan, surprisingly, laughed. “Did you just ask about our fake names so you could yell at me?”

“You said I was laying it on thick. Fighting is like – taking it off, then, right?”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“You don’t make sense.”

---

The doctor had checked on him some time later, and keeping up the charade of being a naïve man that was too careless around some fireworks while his vitals were checked and the doctor not-so-subtly warned him about being more responsible had, unfortunately, taken a lot out of him. Well, that or the morphine drip. Either way, he slipped back to sleep without really noticing. He may have had a dream. Something with deserts, a mission that should have been easy but wasn’t, a trap, a bomb, sound and light melded together…

He was slowly woken by the sound of voices. Someone else was in the room. He didn’t tense, knowing that would just cause more pain, instead he laid still and tried to make out the conversation.

“…Yeah, here, don’t spend it all in one place.” A man’s voice said. There was some shuffling, stuff moving around.

“Thanks, but really – why are you here?”

“Geoff says he needs the codes, Ryan.” Gavin nearly furrowed his brow at that voice. That couldn’t be Michael, could it?

“I’m working on it.” The sound of keys being hit on a laptop.

“…Why can’t Gavin work on it?” There was a petulant edge to his tone. Definitely Michael. Gavin nearly interrupted them, wanting to make sure the other was okay and figure out why the hell he was here, but his natural drive to eavesdrop got the best of him.

“He’s a bit incapacitated, as you can see.”

“Well if you woke him up –”

“I’m not going to – Michael, do not.” There was a pause. Someone shifting on their feet.

“Thought you said you could get him out of here soon.”

“Soon. Not yet. He’s not… I don’t want to break him.”

Michael scoffed. “Look, I know Gavin is like, 130 pounds soaking wet. But he’s hardier than you’d think. He hates it when he thinks he’s laying around doing nothing. He already hates being behind the scenes all the time.”

“I know. Just… He was talking, earlier. I think he can go home tomorrow. Or the next day. Tell Geoff I’m not breaking him out until I know it won’t actually break him.”

“…Fine. Yeah, alright. You’re probably right. But as soon as –”

“I promise.”

“Okay. Um. Do you want me to – ?”

“No. I mean. No thanks, cover, and everything.”

“I’m sure even the most attentive of husbands are allowed to go home, Ryan.” There was a pause, and Michael sighed.

“I mean, it’s just – you don’t have the most airtight disguise?” Gavin desperately wanted to open his eyes now.

“What are you talking about? It’s fine.” Another pause, Gavin imagined it was full of Ryan giving Michael a doubtful stare. “Alright, well, text me if you need something. Or if he needs something. And if he gets worse, or whatever – let me know. I’ll see you guys.” Footsteps, and a door swinging shut. Gavin exhaled very slowly through his nose.

“I know you’re awake,” Ryan murmured. Gavin cracked his eye open. “I could practically feel you spying on us.” Gavin answered with a smile, and Ryan rolled his eyes, his lips twitching despite himself.

“What were talking on about?”

“Couldn’t you tell?” Gavin shrugged, content to play dumb for the moment. Ryan shut the laptop he had been using, carefully putting it under his chair and resting a tote bag – which Michael had probably given him – on top. “The rest of the Crew’s getting… antsy about what files you might have found when you got that USB drive into the computers at their base. It’s all encrypted but you can figure it out, I imagine.”

“I mean, yeah, probably. I could take a look, but you’re probably going to say no, yeah?”

“No’s right. So far as we know they were just distributing drugs; no reason to treat them like a gang going to war with us yet.”

“Even if they did set up a bomb in their sham base and have it detonate when we tried to leave?”

“So they’ve got secrets and don’t want competition. We don’t have the resources or the man power to go off on a crusade just yet.” Gavin hummed, trying to remain somewhat reasonable. Ryan had a point, as he usually did.

“So you’re trying to put off any retaliation for as long as you can?”

“Any rash retaliation.”

“Ooh, going behind Geoff’s back using me, huh? That’s dirty, I like it.”

“What? It’s not just that. I wasn’t lying about you being out of commission either. You still can barely sit up right now.”

“I can sit up. You saw me walk to the bathroom earlier and everything!”

“After I saw you fail to sit up and need me to pull you to your feet, yeah.” Gavin sighed. Stupid Ryan and his stupid points.

---

He was out in the desert. There was grit in his teeth, sand digging into the side of his face where he was laying. He squinted, seeing the fiery remains of a blown out building. The hideout he went to inspect. He knew he was injured, but he didn’t feel pain, not yet. Instead he kept staring, watching the flames crawl up in the sky, higher and higher. The glass blew out of the windows, leaving smoking holes in the building.

A figure stood in the upper floor. Somehow, their shadow was darker than the smoke. Gavin squinted, trying to breathe in something that wasn’t kicked up sand or ash.

It was Ryan. No. The Vagabond. Still in the skull mask, melting from the heat. He didn’t seem to react any other way, just standing in the window, watching him as black rubber dripped down his face.

Another part of the building exploded, chunks of brick coming right towards him.

Gavin sat up in bed, breathing harshly. He was distantly aware of how his abdomen pulled and stretched painfully from his use of those muscles. He sighed, running his hands through his hair, then pressing them to his eyes for a moment. It was a bad dream, even if it was very loosely based on real events. “Just a dream,” he whispered to himself. When he moved his hands away, he realized it was nighttime, and Ryan was gone. A dim light shining from the room’s entryway suggested he was in the bathroom, or had at least left the light on, should Gavin need stumble his way to the toilet at two in the morning.

…Which may have been the case. With a steeling breath, Gavin swung his legs to the side and stood up, hobbling over to the bathroom door. It had been left ajar, so Gavin just pushed it the rest of the way open. He squinted as his vision filled with bright light.

“…Ryan?”

Ryan’s sweater was tossed over the closed toilet lid, and the man himself stood at the sink. Gavin could see a flash of red from the mirror, and when Ryan turned to face him, he realized the color was from an angry line of broken flesh along Ryan’s side, which the other had tried to patch up with thread. It was holding, but it obviously wasn’t healing well, if the irritated look and the mess of bloodied gauze in the sink was any indication.

“I thought I shut the door,” Ryan mumbled after a pregnant pause.

“What happened?” Gavin hissed, stepping further into the room in case Ryan got the idea to shut him out.

“Nothing I can’t handle. I’m just changing the bandages.”

Gavin’s eyes grew wide, hand coming up as though he was about to reach out and touch Ryan’s wound. “You got hit in that explosion, didn’t you?”

“It’s nothing, Gavin, go back to bed.”

“It’s not nothing, Ryan. Look at it! It’s infected, or – it won’t heal right.”

“It’ll heal just fine, Gavin,” Ryan snapped. “Stop yelling so I can patch it up.”

“We’re in a hospital!” Gavin said, edging closer, hand still outstretched. “Why don’t you have them fix it for you?”

Ryan turned around, face twisted into a scowl. His mouth was opened, ready to hurl another insult, but he didn’t seem to realize how close Gavin was, or where his arm was; instead Gavin’s forearm knocked painfully against the gash, and Ryan hissed through his teeth, pressing hard at the wound. Gavin looked on for a moment, the way Ryan hunched from the pain. He backed up a step. Then another, gears turning in his head.

“Ryan,” Gavin said slowly, “I’m gonna call the nurse. And you’re gonna make up some bullshit story, and you’re gonna get actual stitches. Please.” Ryan frowned, fingers pressing harder against his side. “For me?”

The renewed pain did most of the convincing, and after a moment Ryan’s stance wilted. “Fine. For you, Gav.” Gavin internally breathed a sigh of relief. Even though Ryan had said yes, he didn’t take his eyes off the other man, backing out of the bathroom to maintain a line of sight for as long as he could. He dashed towards the bed, hitting the call button with his thumb before edging back to the bathroom’s doorway. Ryan hadn’t moved, still staring out at him.

His eyes were blue, so blue, and Gavin would have given anything to have his sunglasses on, to be able to look away without the risk of losing whatever game they were playing.

Both their heads snapped towards the entryway when one of the nurses knocked on the door and let herself in.

“My husband hurt himself,” Gavin said immediately, pointing at the side he was still holding, “and he didn’t tell anyone.” Ryan shot him a glare.

“Yes, thank you, dear, I was about to tell her that,” he supplied.

“Well you didn’t the first time around, did you?” Gavin replied, more than a little righteous.

The nurse gave Ryan a look that very much meant he’d be getting an earful later. “Why don’t we have you fill out some paperwork while we wait for an exam room to open, sir? Follow me.” Ryan hastily grabbed at the sweater still on the toilet, pressing it to his side. He glanced over at Gavin.

“Uh, is it possible that – afterwards – I can come back here? I don’t want to… leave my husband alone for too long.” She looked between the two of them.

“We’ll see what we can do.” She moved to the side, sweeping her arm so that Ryan walked in front of her.

“See you soon,” Gavin murmured. Ryan gave him another glance. It wasn’t icy or heated or annoyed. It was something else. Something he couldn’t place.

Before he could try, Ryan murmured a “see you,” before ducking out of the room. The door shut behind them.

Gavin sighed, looking down at himself. There was a small smear of blood along his forearm. He washed it off in the sink, tossing away the bandages. He splashed water on his face. Somehow, despite the drugs and residual tiredness, he had a feeling he wasn’t going back to bed just yet.

---

Gavin was refreshing his twitter feed for the seventh time when Ryan walked in, wearing a blue sweatshirt with the name of the hospital along the chest. “Hey,” he said, shutting the door. Gavin saw he was still favoring his injured side. Actual stitches probably pinched more than the gauze and fairy dust that Ryan had been using to keep himself together before.

“Hey. Nice shirt.”

Ryan tugged at the hem of it. “Yeah, well. Something about not wanting to put on an old sweater covered in dried blood, I guess.”

“Could’ve just called someone and have them bring a shirt down.” Ryan gave him a look. “What, you could have done.”

Ryan sighed, and instead of sitting down in his usual arm chair, he sat on the edge of Gavin’s bed, by his waist. He angled his body so he didn’t have to twist himself to look over at the younger man. “I’d appreciate it, if, um. You didn’t tell them about – this.”

“And miss out on prime blackmail material?” Gavin said with a smirk. The way Ryan was looking at him made him think his attempt at a joke had fallen flat. “Hey,” he started, touching Ryan’s arm. “Did you know when you first joined the Crew, that I kind of hated you?”

“You didn’t hate me,” Ryan said immediately. “You were scared of me.” Gavin felt a flush rise to his cheeks.

“Well – same thing.”

“No. Hate and fear and definitely different things.”

“The point is, either way, I wasn’t real keen on you. Thought you were, well – all the stuff that made you scary. You were the Vagabond, and you’d probably find out where I lived and slit my throat, or something. Michael said I was being a prick about it, but you know how stubborn I can get.” He picked at the jagged line of his thumbnail for a moment, trying to get his thoughts straight. “Then there was this time, after some job we did or something, and everyone went out to celebrate, got absolutely trashed, and you, ‘cause of course you don’t drink – had to take us all home. You even had to take Geoff n’ me through the door.” Watching up through his eyelashes, he saw Ryan crack a small smile. “I guess the right word’s selfless. And dealing with drunk people is absolutely the worst. ‘Specially us. Guess after that I started thinking, well, there’s more to you than a mask. You’re one of us. Really, properly, one of us.” He let out a small cough, mouth feeling dry for more ways than one. “Guess what I’m getting at is – you are more than a mask, Ryan. Even if its… convenient for you to not be, most of the time. Doesn’t mean any of us see you as this unfeeling evil mastermind or something. Doesn’t mean you should see yourself that way either.”

He could see Ryan twist his mouth the way he did when he was trying to work out a problem in his head. It carried on like that for a handful of agonizing, pulling moments, him curled up in the hospital bed he was getting increasingly sick of, Ryan hunched in that blue sweatshirt that was maybe even more ridiculous than the sweater he once had on. Is this what he looked like on the odd weekend, Gavin couldn’t help but think – did Ryan have an old hoodie and sweatpants that he’d lounge around in all day? What did he do in those quiet moments when there was no mask, no face paint, no jacket; just himself, the man, and no one else around to put on an act for? Ryan’s eyes flickered back over to him and he stiffened slightly, as though the other could read his thoughts.

“So you’re not going to tell anyone?” he reiterated.

“Uh – not if you quit being an idiot and admit if you need help,” Gavin said slowly. Ryan sucked on his teeth, nodded once, and stuck a hand out.

“Then we have a deal.” After a second, Gavin reached out, shaking Ryan’s hand once. His fingers were calloused, rough, and warm.

They parted, and the other man gingerly sat down in the hospital chair. Gavin put his phone on the bedside table, curling up on his side to face Ryan. “Stiches hurt?”

“I always forget how unpleasant they are when they first put them in.” Gavin winced in sympathy, grateful in retrospect he was unconscious when they dug around at him. “Didn’t help that I waited so long before getting them done right.”

“How’d you manage that?”

Ryan shrugged a shoulder. “Once they put you in for surgery I snuck around and found some supplies. I figured I’d be set for a few hours or so, but when they finished with you and said you couldn’t leave for a while…”

“You could have left,” Gavin said pointedly. “I wasn’t going anywhere. Wouldn’t have even known you were gone, matter of fact.”

“Gavin, we had all almost been blown up. Excuse me if I was feeling a little paranoid. If those guys somehow were able to trace our whereabouts, I mean, hell, we’re both practically sitting ducks right now. I don’t think they’re tracking us, but…”

“You didn’t want to risk it,” Gavin finished, “got it. You’re rather thoughtful, aren’t you?”

Ryan yawned, pressing a fist to his mouth. “I’m full of thoughts, might as well put some of them into action.” He slumped further into his chair. “Forgot how much getting proper medical attention will take out of you, too,” he added.

“Gonna go to sleep?”

“Might as well.” Ryan had been gone a few hours, but it was still dark outside, for now.

“Can’t be comfortable in the chair.”

“It’s not,” He shifted again. “I’ve made it this far.”

“Well now I know you’ve got fresh stitches in you – maybe we can switch spots?”

“No – you’ve got it worse than me, you need the bed.”

“You’re going to get a neck cramp or something.”

“I can handle a neck cramp, Gavin.” Ryan replied easily.

“Well – we could try to share, I guess,” he said. “You know, technically the bed’s bigger than a twin. We could squeeze.” Ryan’s brows raised minutely.

“…You sure?”

“We’re both tired, and –” Gavin couldn’t exactly explain what else. Something had obviously shifted between them in the last couple of hours. A silent admittance of something that they knew was there, but didn’t realize was a mutual feeling. They’d had a ‘moment’, as Michael probably would have said. Didn’t that count for something? He moved to the far side of the mattress and turned down the covers. “Come on.”

Gavin was half surprised when Ryan actually got up, kicking off his shoes and slowly settling into bed, facing him. Immediately it was obvious that it was a tight fit. Parts of them were either pressed together or nearly touching; Ryan’s body heat immediately flooded against Gavin’s front, and a warmth settled in his stomach. Ryan rearranged the pillows into something more comfortable. “This alright?” he asked. Gavin honestly didn’t know what bit he was referring to.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” he said, not sure where along Ryan’s face he was allowed to linger on. Instead he just closed his eyes, willing himself to the edge of sleep. Ryan was here, he rationalized. He was safe. They both were. There was no reason he had to stay up and wait any longer.

He fell asleep much sooner than he thought he would.

---

A nurse coming to check on their vitals woke them up; in the back of his mind, Gavin was thankful their cover story had them legally married. Somehow it made it a few degrees less awkward.

Even when they were alone again, Ryan stayed in bed with him, staring up at the ceiling. Gavin’s chin rested on the top of his shoulder.

“Now that we’re both patients,” Gavin started, “how’re we gonna get out of here?”

“Not up for sneaking out?” He shook his head. “I texted Michael last night, said we’d probably be ready to leave by today. I’m sure he’s planning something.” Gavin hummed in acknowledgement, staring blankly up at Ryan’s profile.

“Being here is not fun,” he managed. “Glad you decided to keep me company.”

“I guess I’m glad you forced me to get stitches.”

“You guess.” Ryan chuckled, turning to face Gavin full-on.

“It’s nice to have someone looking out for me, then. Even if I didn’t think I needed it. How about that?”

“Better.” Their noses were nearly touching, they were so close. Ryan looked soft; bags under his eyes and the sunlight hitting his hair, pillow creases on his cheek.

Gavin was still surprised to find out that Ryan’s kiss was as soft as he looked. In all honesty, he had expected something harder; Ryan trying to get a reaction out of him, or gain an upper hand, like a mind game. Or maybe he just never wanted to think about it, was too afraid to put the effort into it and feed the thought more power. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, not because of nerves, but because Ryan’s fingers were nervously hovering just above them, wanting but unsure if he could touch.

Carefully, Gavin reached up, his own hand tucking along the side of Ryan’s neck, and then he felt fingers brushing the hair along his nape.

Gavin hadn’t really thought about what it would be like, him and Ryan. There was always… something there, but it had never been made concrete. He just got the impressions of things, how they’d clash and fit together. Their usually erratic sleep schedules; who would make the coffee. Would kissing someone with a beard feel too rough after a while? Ryan weaved the perfect couple story so easily for him at the hospital; could it have been like that? Would it have been? It was all probably too much to think of, this early in the morning with so little sleep. Or maybe Gavin would never be well rested enough to have all the answers when it came to the man that was still kissing him, holding him carefully, sharing the too-small hospital bed.

The sound of a phone buzzing drew them both apart. Ryan reached for his cell, squinting adorably at the screen as he made out the letters. His mouth turned, before splitting into a grin.

“Text from Michael,” he said, showing Gavin. “Breakout in fifteen minutes. Keep a lookout for Lindsay.”

“He’s dragging Lindsay into this?” Gavin asked with a groan. Ryan kissed him again in answer.

---

Fifteen minutes later, and it turned out Lindsay was an absolutely necessary element. She opened the door dressed in cat-covered scrubs, pushing a wheelchair. “Get in, fucker,” she said, gesturing to the thing. Gavin did not feel particularly at ease getting situated in said wheelchair, even as Ryan kept up the pace, walking by his side. Lindsay actually chatted with a doctor while they all shared the elevator going down. Then, as they passed reception, she let out a good hearted laugh. “Man, hospitals are too trusting.”

“You could say that,” Ryan answered, walking through the front parking lot. Michael was waiting for them in a nondescript car, honking the horn when they caught his line of sight. Gavin managed to slide into the back seat without hurting himself, and Ryan joined him. Michael and Lindsay sat up front, neither noticing the way Ryan very carefully drew the seatbelt over himself.

“Are we just leaving the wheelchair there?” Gavin asked, as they pulled away.

“Apparently,” Ryan muttered, looking out the back window. “I wouldn’t have minded a free wheelchair.”

“’Course you wouldn’t,” Gavin said, before tapping on the driver’s seat in front of him. “Michael! How you feeling, boi?”

“Eh, got another scar, but I’ll live.” They pulled onto the highway. “What about you? How was it being Ryan’s fake husband for half the week?”

“Did you have to kiss?” Lindsay asked.

“You always want my friends to kiss,” Michael complained.

“I mean, you could kiss your friends, but you always say no.”

“Because I’m literally married to you! Why would I try to go around kissing other people?’ That devolved into an argument between the two of them. Gavin let out a breath and relaxed into his seat. Hanging out with Ryan had been fun, but he had missed everyone else, too.

As he relaxed against the leather, his arm stretched out, catching Ryan’s hand. He nearly pulled back, but Ryan was faster, entwining their fingers and giving a quick squeeze. He looked over. The older man was staring out the window, but Gavin could practically feel the smile the other had on.

Gavin felt himself smile at the thought. He squeezed back.

#Ragehappy #Freewood #teamcrazydicks #oxfordsemicolonrebel #rhss17

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eloquentmydear · 6 years

Note

TOP 5 ROBRENCES SCENS AND REASONS WHY YOU LOVE THEM?

AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION, TWO LONG LISTS UNDER THE CUT

Pre-2017:

5) Robert comforting a crying Lawrence after the police visit Home Farm to ask about Connor.

“You believe me, then?”

“Yeah, ‘course I believe you, I was just mucking about.”

“Hey, listen to me, listen.”

“Look at me, hey, look at me.”

Arm touching

Lawrence’s nodding

4) The first time Lawrence offers Robert a cheque to leave them alone.

“And I’m sure that would’ve got you a nice car and a rent boy back in the day.”

“You’d know better than me.”

ROBERT’S FACE

“I’m handling him.”

THEY’RE SO CLOSE

3) When Lawrence offers him £500,000 to leave the business.

“You can’t deny, we were a great team before.”

“I’ve saved your bacon enough times!” “I’m not denying that.”

“It’s time for us both to move on.”

It’s literally their divorce

Robert is desperate to work with him again

2) The Woolpack Date.

There is literally no other way to describe it other than a date

“OUR business.”

“I’ve seen you perform over the past few months. It’s impressive.”

“Obviously I’m incredibly young and virile.”

Lawrence making jokes with Robert

Diane shipping it

“I’d tell him that I’m proud of you too.”

Putting Robert in his will

“You’re now fully a member of the White clan.”

“The keys to the inner sanctum.”

THE IN-LOVE SIGH

Lawrence is so utterly camp I miss him

1) When Lawrence tells Robert to stay at Home Farm.

“[Robert is] too capable to let go [of].”

“Until I say otherwise, he’s sticking around.”

Robert getting turned on listening to Lawrence sing his praises

“Stay here. Please. At least until Chrissie gets back.”

UNTIL CHRISSIE GETS BACK

Robert like “oh shit is he gonna kiss me rn”

Lawrence fondling his arm and flirting

You know they shared whisky on the sofa and then fucked on it

They have weird tension the morning after it’s great

2017:

5) The Hotel Scene

Lawrence being romantic af hiring a posh hotel room with champagne

Also he wanted to surprise Robert with a romantic gesture how cute

He got him food too in case he’s hungry pre- or post-fuck

Lawrence being an excellent boyfriend

Lawrence says “please” and Robert obeys

Lawrence worried about making Robert sexually frustrated

Lawrence sharing self-doubt and also being sexually frustrated

“Kath’s offer takes you away (from me).”

“You want me.”

“And I want you.”

“And I’m finally ready to (satisfy all of your sexual fantasies).”

Robert being nervous, overwhelmed, aroused and sanguine all at once

Lawrence prepared to lose his whole family to have Robert

Robert looking at the bed like “guess I’m getting fucked there”

They had lunch together

“You’ve gone very quiet.”

Lawrence’s gazing is too much

“We’re the same, you and I, you know.”

“[I’ve avoided] a path that I know I should’ve chosen.” Robert smiling and nodding at that.

Robert eyeing Lawrence up and down multiple times.

The hand-touching

Lawrence being forward as fuck

“Our first time.”

“Our only time.”

HAND-HOLDING

“I want to remember everything.”

I WANT TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING

“My heart’s racing.” “Well, that’s not good! No, no, sit down.”

Thumbs stroking his fingers

Robert being startled by someone else taking control so quickly

“Even dear Ronnie could never do that.”

Robert like “oh shit, shit-talking Ronnie”

Whispering “Robert.” “Yeah?” “We can do this.”

Holding his face

Robert completely breathless

This is probably the only time someone has treated him so gently so soon

4) The Kitchen Scene (& The Study before because that’s one scene fuck you)

Lawrence’s glasses

Robert’s rolled up sleeves, always gotta show daddy some skin

Robert’s gay jumper

“My commitment […] to you.”

The loving gazes throughout

ROBERT’S STUPID SMILE ON “Trust me, you can’t lose.”

“I thought it wasn’t your thing.” THE FLIRTING IS OFF THE CHART

I need to GIF the look he gives him because that shit is ridiculous

“Well, it’s what you do when you…”

Staring at Lawrence’s lips

The softe reassuring hand touch

“Whatever it is, I’ll understand.”

“I like it here.”

“I like this.”

“I like being like this with you.”

“I shouldn’t say it, I shouldn’t even think it, but I can’t stop.”

I CAN’T STOP

HIS STUPID FUCKING FACE

“You know me. I can make it work.”

PUT THAT FINGER ON HIS LIPS, LAWRENCE

TOUCH HIM

“I don’t know how I’d have got through the last few weeks without you by my side.”

THE SHOULDER STROKE

ROBERT’S SURPRISE AT THE SHOULDER STROKE

“You’re my rock.”

YOU’RE MY ROCK

Robert fuckin goin for it

3) The Breakup

Robert literally fighting back tears and his lips trembling

He gets tears as soon as he realises he’s being dumped and swallows back a lump in his throat

Holding hands again :(

“Won’t be easy.”

Lawrence leans in and Robert just closes his eyes

He was prepared for a kiss

The cheek (nearly neck) kiss

THE CHEEK KISS

The brief snuggle

THE BRIEF SNUGGLE

Robert being super fucked up afterwards

He’s literally so depressed staring into the void

“How’s everything?” “Uh… Yeah, fine.” Robbo you sound and look devastated

“Well, what are you doing here with a face like that?” Even Diane like “wtf is up with you rn aren’t you happy?? your son was just born, healthy??”

2) The ‘TIM THING’ (Not number 1?!)

Robert taking Lawrence’s glass

“I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“I swear to you it was an accident.” “I believe you.”

The police interviewing the secluded gay sugar daddy and twink husbands who live in the remote mansion outside the tiny village

“He gives out loads of them” literally married

“I’m tryna protect you here.”

“You don’t trust me.” “Of course I trust you.”

“Lawrence, we’re in this together, okay?”

“Sorry for being a little… Uh… You know…” “It’s okay, Lawrence.”

THEIR SOFT VOICES MAKING THEIR PACT

THE FIRST ALMOST KISS

STARING AT EACH OTHER’S LIPS

LEANING IN

ROBERT WAS GOING FOR IT

Robert licking his lips, just in case I guess >.>

Lawrence being rude because he’s mad he got cockblocked lmao

“Sorry, I…” am angry because I got cockblocked??

THE SEDUCTION BEGINS

Robert’s softe Lawrence voice

Arm stroking

“Why don’t you stick on some music or something, relax?”

Lawrence patting the tit

ROBERT’S STUPID FACE

“I’ll be back later, yeah?”

*drumroll*

1) Lawrence accidentally running down Robert on Christmas Eve (and the resulting Dream Scene)

“How long before you treat him like you treated me?” “And how did I treat you?” this is a thing,,, that can be discussed,,, I’m just appreciating it okay

“Oooh, you made me feel that way about us!”

THE RETURN OF CAMP LAWRENCE

Thank you god and Robert Sugden for having your perception of Lawrence White be at his most camp

“I accept that. […] Aaron never will.” thanks Robert’s brain for confirming that Lawrence is always an option

And Robert knows this

And knows that Lawrence will accept all his bullshit

So y’know

It’s right there

Waiting for you

“I’m not losing you. Not like this.”

Thank god dream Robert got his kiss

“Good god, it’s Robert.”

“Robert… Robert!”

Holding his face

Stroking his face so tenderly like it’s the last time he’s gonna see it

Stroking his shoulders

“You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I’m not losing you.”

“Not like this.”

I’M NOT LOSING YOU

NOT LIKE THIS

Lawrence knowing he was probably never going to keep Robert forever but always wanting him to move on to something that made him happier

Despite everything, absolutely everything, Lawrence still adored and cherished him and never, ever wanted him dead

Lawrence still hadn’t let him go

And Robert hadn’t let Lawrence go either, as his dream showed

Lawrence was always there to fall back on, and Robert wanted to keep it that way

That’s what they would always have, what they would never let go of, what they’d never lose

And Lawrence carried that to his death

Along with the end of more than 3 years of on-screen tension and god knows how many unseen years of flirting and friction

Robrence: an everlasting, enduring, eternal tease.

I made myself emotional thanks Rob

If you have an issue with this post, please contact @robertmakesafoolofhimself

#robrence #robertmakesafoolofhimself #answer #lawbert #robert x lawrence #mine

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girlbetweenryosuke · 6 years

Text

“Drunk Confession”

[dude I don’t fukin know what to say about this anymore so just try to read lol idek] [also have i used this gif before idek lol i’m so insane rn]

One, two, three, drink. Four, five, six, chug it down. Seven, eight, nine, down the hatchet. Ten, I’m fucking drunk. “How many have you drank??”, Yuri held me by the shoulder to keep me up, “Not more than I can”, I paused to hiccup, “handle.”, I continued and slovenly smiled, my eyes half-open. “I beg to differ”, he chuckled and helped me back up to my seat.

He then started talking to me about all these other things but suddenly all my attention could focus on was this girl right in front of me. She had her back turned to me but with the way she was standing, she looked just as wasted. Her weight was shifted to one leg as she leaned against the cocktail table, talking to her friend. Without thinking, I slowly stepped down from my seat and walked towards her, stumbling along the way. As I neared her, I could sense this kind of familiarity in her, like I knew her very well but at the same time I didn’t. “Ryosuke, where are you going?!”, Yuri came after me as I nonchalantly tapped the girl’s shoulder. “Excuse me.”, I called her attention and her head shot up to turn to me, “Wha-”, her eyes widened and so did mine as I realized who she was.

It was Y/N.

Record scratch, and playback. Y/N is my fellow idol who became one of my friends recently. Before I knew who she was, I thought she was pretty stuck-up, like most of the female idols I’ve come across with. She wore all these girly clothing that would reveal her legs and things like what the other idols would wear.

But… she wasn’t like that at all. Her and I were in a collaboration project where we were supposed to sing a couple of song numbers together. On the first day of practice, I was in the dance room, stretching with the guys. Then, one by one, the members of her group started to come in, chatting with each other, and then greeting us. “Is Y/N not here yet?”, one of the members asked us and we all shook our head no, shrugging.

We went on with practice for our first number for around 30 minutes when suddenly the doors to the dance room opened, and out came Y/N who was gasping for air and holding onto the door knob for dear life. “Y/N! Why are you late?”, an angry member approached her, and she held a hand up to signal him to wait. When she finally caught her breath, she gulped and stood up straight, “The train was delayed.”, she said. “You could have just driven!”, he said, “My friend borrowed my car.”, she retorted, dropping her training bag on the floor.

The member sighed and walked back to the dance formation we were last in as the dance instructor told her what to do. We did a quick run through on what she missed on and the instructor pointed to where she was supposed to go, and she nodded. After two run throughs, she was able to join in on the group and dance with us, only having a few mistakes, but nothing that the rest of us wouldn’t do.

I felt her passion for her job, just looking at her. She was gasping for air, but she was strong enough to keep dancing because this is what she loved. Somehow, I felt even more motivated to dance because I felt her energy radiate around her. My impression of her being a cold-blooded stuck-up idol didn’t last long and it was quickly thrown out the window.

We had some time to spare after practice and the two of us were alone in the break room after 8 p.m. I felt like I needed to create some kind of conversation, because I wanted to be her friend—not in a weird way. “Hey, was the train really late earlier? I don’t think it ever runs late.”, I suddenly said, and she looked up from her phone and grinned, “I lied.”. Woah, okay, I was expecting a yes, but this was something else. “I found a kid’s kite stuck in a tree branch and it took me a long time to get it out.”, she pursed her lips, smiling and looking down on the floor, “And then the kid went along and pulled me to the ice cream cart and bought me ice cream with the last of her money.”.

I felt my heart grow warm with her sweet and innocent story. “Why didn’t you tell the truth?”, I asked, and she chuckled, “Well, because that would mean I had a choice to be late or not. I can’t have them take anything up against me.”. I couldn’t help but smile at her wit and cleverness.

“Do you have anything to do next Saturday?”, I involuntarily asked, like it was a reflex from my mouth to say that right when I’m into a girl. She hummed and scrolled through her phone, “Nothing that I can’t squeeze something in, why?”. I nodded, looking down, biting the inside of my mouth. I crossed my arms behind me and leaned forward as I lingered around the room, “Oh you know, just thought maybe we can hang out.”. She chuckled, “Are you asking me out?”. “No, I’m not, I’m just asking you to hang out with me.”, I cheekily grinned and she laughed,

“Sure, why not?”.

And with that, we were hanging out almost on a daily basis. We didn’t even have to call each other or text each other anymore, it came to a point where her plans for breaks were my plans for breaks. It was like an unspoken rule that we would be together—but we’re not dating. Don’t get me wrong, just—friends. That’s all. I think. I mean, it’s been around a year since we’ve been friends, we know a lot about each other. I’ve seen a whole lot of her that she doesn’t show in public; we were close. But somewhere along the lines, I suddenly realized how pretty she was, how her personality was like a magnet to me, and how much I wished that we were something more. Before I knew it,

I was in love with her.

“Oy, Ryosuke!”, she held a hand up for me to high-five which I did. “You! Why are you here?!”, I asked, practically yelling because I couldn’t hear anything because of how loud the club music was playing. “I don’t know!!”, she laughed, and I laughed with her, with a slightly confused face. “Why are you here?!”, she asked, “Chinen wanted a clubbing companion.”, I answered. “What?!”, she yelled, “I said Chinen wanted a clubbing companion!”, I yelled back. “Chinen water the plant museum?!?!”, she misheard the words and I laughed.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the loud room, not without letting her grab her drink. We sat in a lounge looking room where the club music wasn’t too loud. The seats were red, a coffee table was in the middle of the sofa that spread to all corners of the room. “What did you say?”, she slurred, still raising her voice. “Shh, you don’t have to”, I paused to hiccup, “shout anymore.”.

She leaned her head backward and then back down as she nodded, closing her eyes. “Dude, I’m sorry, I’m so drunk right now.”, she laughed, laying a hand on my back, and patting it. “Me too”, I smiled, leaning my head on the wall as I looked at her. She was looking down on the seat, with her cheeks red and eyes droopy—she looked so cute. “Uh-oh, Ryosuke’s looking at me!”, she jokingly covered her face, “I’m going to b-blush!!”, she joked, and I laughed with her, dragging her hand down.

She looked at me, laughing. “Why are you so damn cute?”, she suddenly said. “W-what?”, I furrowed my eyebrows, not believing what I had just heard. “Ah, damn! You’re so cute!”, she slurred, reaching out and pinching my soft cheeks. “Stop!”, I laughed as she slowly let go. “You’re too cute for me. What did I do to deserve even a glance from you?”, she grinned, “Whaaaat”, I whined, “You’re too cute for me!! I can’t even handle the sight of you without blushing!!”, I laughed.

“Whaaat??”, she copied me, “I don’t deserve you.”, she laughed. Everything that was about to go down, probably won’t stay for a minute in our brains, but I guess it would leave a stain on our hearts. “What?! I don’t deserve you! You’re amazing! You can do all this professional shit without complaining!!”, I argued, “What?! I don’t deserve you! You’re h-handsome! Your face is the literal epitome of beauty and I feel like a rock next to you!”, she argued.

“You’re beautiful!”, I yelled, “You’re talented!”, she yelled back. “You’re kindhearted!”, I yelled, “You’re a gentleman!”, she yelled back. “You make my heart beat faster!”, I yelled as we slowly neared each other, “You make my stomach have butterflies!”, she yelled back. “Your body makes me want to embrace you and have you all day long!”, I yelled, “Your lips make me want to kiss you all day long!”, she yelled back. “I don’t deserve you!”, I yelled, my hand touching hers, “I don’t deserve you!”, her forehead was leaning against mine.

“But I still love you!”, we said in unison.

That one line took both of us back and words stopped spilling everywhere. She tilted her head as her eyebrows furrowed at mine. Both of us were still drunk, for sure, but somehow everything didn’t matter to us until that was said. “No. I love you.”, she began to argue again, “No, I love you!”, I retorted. “No! I love you!!”, she began to get closer again, “No!! I love you!!!”, I said, leaning towards her. “Do you want me to prove it to you?!”, she yelled, “Do you want me to prove it to you?!!”, I retorted.

“Fine!”, “Fine!”.

And with that, the heated space between us was closed with our lips colliding. My lips slowly fit in between hers, shifting and tilting my head as I kissed her. She held onto my nape to pull me in closer until she was lying down on the seat behind her. I crawled on top of her, my hands on both sides of her body as we deepened the kiss. I reluctantly pulled away when she pushed my head away from hers, “We’re not going to remember any of this tomorrow, are we?”, she chuckled as she was out of breath. “Then we’ll say it again tomorrow.”, I chuckled and kissed her forehead,

“I love you.”

#yamada ryosuke #ryosuke yamada #Hey! Say! JUMP #hey say jump #Hey! Say! 7 #hey say 7 #yamada ryosuke fanfiction #fanfiction #Drunk Confession #yama-chan #yamada ryo

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survivorindia · 7 years

Text

Episode 1-Queen Maple Syrup Chugger Liam

Liam's on the other tribe. </3 Hopefully I will be reunited with Queen Maple Syrup Chugger Liam and we can rule this game before I live up to my villain role and backstab him. :D Also meeting people is annoying, we're all so fake to each other and we know it.

Lol I'm being so fake to someone. I'm talking to them about not liking fake people while I'm being the fakest ho out there.

MMMMMMMM so Ruben and Alexis are dating outside the game. Don't mind me, I'm just on the edge of spilling some tea. I C O N I C.

Tbh I'm probably out, Lexi knows too many damn people.

Let me just say that Robin is amazing and I'm her #1 fan

youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWizmnr8Ylc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc7x7gO4FDs

So first opinions of my tribe? Dry.. I've talked to Dom who seems nice & he's the person out of everyone who I could see myself most working with. Ruben's pretty cool but everyone else just seems blah.. I just hope that we can liven this tribe up a bit just so that we can get this challenge done.. I'm throwing out suggestions & kinda sorta trying to lead my team this week but no ones responding. If we end up at tribal i swear to God.. anyways, thanks to Bernel, who's a good friend of mine outside this game, I know a good amount of tea about his tribe.. like how he plans on alligning with Jordan & Jaiden & one other person from his tribe. He said that Jordan wants to eventually work with some newbies, so my game plan at this point is to try and form a good connection with Dom, so he & I can be the newbies Jordan, Bernel & Jaiden work with.

So my tribe is heading to the first tribal council, surprise surprise, and yes I am feeling extremely nervous cause who wants to be the first person to go home? 24th place? That's flop status.. but anyways, I'm hoping that since Dom & i promised to have each other's backs I'll be safe. I just have to figure out where the rest of the tribe stands BUT NO ONE TALKS TO EACH OTHER!! Dom & i want to get either Lexi or Ruben out because we've both heard from multiple people on the returnee villains tribe that they're dating. And dating means alliance and anyone who isn't in an alliance with me is an enemy. Ruben was trying to pick my brain & find out where I stand with my vote, but how am I supposed to turn the tribe against his girlfriend without him finding out?? Things are about to get interesting.. hopefully

Ok so things just kinda got messy.. after talking to Casey & Lexi, i learned majority of the votes are going to Aidan tonight. So me being the messy bitch that I am.. I went & told Aidan because I want Lexi gone. He says he's on board with voting Lexi off, but even still that would only be three votes for her & then most likely three votes for Aidan. Dom is currently trying to get Casey on board but I just don't know if it's gonna work.. I really think Casey & Lexi are cliqued up & since Lexi & Ruben are together that makes three for their side. I don't know.. it all lies on Casey at this point & if somehow I end up going home tonight then so be it.. I went out swinging & trying to take my target down & that's good enough for me.

I'm very very upset because I'm pretty sure Aidan is going home tonight & even though he's not really an ally, he is a vote. However, he's messy as fuck.. he told Lexi that I agreed to voting off Casey & then asked him to talk to her & Ruben about it.. EXCUSE ME? That never happened & like.. what person wouldn't ask the person they're about to start a rumor about for permission first? Especially if my ass is trying to save you.. he just definitely could have handled that better. He said it was to throw her off or something like no, that's just messy. Anyways, even though Aidan is going home tonight both Lexi & Ruben approached me about the rumors & assured me they weren't true.. & I assured and lied RIGHT BACK TO THEM that I believed them. & I think they trust me so at least I'm on the good of the majority.

So first confessional! Hello I love my tribe, it's super cute super friendly I know that if we get going to tribal though I am definitely the weakest link and gotta go. We have jaiden who is amazing, Jordan spines what an icon, Julia the Wiccan? My fave. Nobody is realistically gonna vote out anyone but me. So I'm really hoping that we keep slaying these comps until we merge or swap or what not and that the newbie should keep flopping.

Hello I'm bacc, I guess it's time I make a confessional 👀 I'll do a tribe assessment tru Alex- kweent! They hosted the game I won so an icon truly ! Ashley- I'm on the fence w her bc I feel like she doesn't like but only time will tell suppose Kendall- icon !!!!!!! I love ha so much! Realistically if I were to make a f2 deal it'd be with Kendall, like I trust ha a lot more than the others Gav- WHEW I've already had a couple convos with this icon and honslee I can see myself working with them, Me forgetting the last person skdbsk oh yeah Ace- to trust his ass or to not trust his ass that's the question. I know ace can be sneaky so like ????? He could try to clocc me at any second Anyway I like this tribe overall and I think I've already made a solid alliance with Alex gav and Kendall so hopefully it lasts! Anyway I'm trying to do this challenge but like no! One! Is! Making! The! Doc! Viewable! On! Mobile! Like how is a bitch supposed to contribute when they're not letting me contribute Godt! Anyway I saw chicken nuggets on the list so like guess who's going to McDonald's after work :~)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA23P2H2PA4

Whoa, I'm a nice guy I guess. I wouldn't call myself a hero so much as wimpy underdog that smells like french fries. But oh well, it'll be fun to see what I can do to destroy this Good Cop vs Bad Cop routine down the road :~). These people can't talk for shite! I can see why we're not villains because the best villains can actually like work a decent social game, not just half heartedly agree to everything I say. I've had better conversations with Gavin and Alex than with Whitney and Robin already lmao... at least Liam can hold up a conversation for something. Anywho, let's see how this goes... maybe I caught them at a bad time but I could be in a group with people with lousier social games than I! Which, I mean, isn't necessarily a bad thing but it'll probably be boring if people talk like this for a long while... I just really want this honeymoon period to end so I can stop suffering!!!

This challenge is pretty good for a guy like me, assuming I have like half of the shite there. Since it's the first challenge, if we happen to lose, all that matters is that you contributed. And I've already done like a sixth or fifth or something of the total amount so if I can find more to shove in, I think I'll be able to roll through this round A-OK. Steven, Robin, and Liam are the three I like the most so far. Whitney seems cool but it felt like she didn't want to talk to me yesterday so idk with her and Lexi idek it's like she over exaggerates stuff and that's a pet peeve, yo. Hopefully we can all become chatty because it just feels so slow... I hate the honeymoon of ORGs, these first days honestly SUCK in everything since nobody wants to do anything rippo.

Yiiikes, we lost. Our tribe isn't overly social so I'm not sure what's the happenings right now, but it looks like Steven's the one who's talking the most. I'll wager he's safe and he's pretty cool, so I'm fine with it even if he's the one wielding all the power. Lexi is talkativeish too, so she should be fine. Whitney's active enough in the tribe chat so she may make it through, not sure on people's perceptions of Robyn all too much... tbh I think Liam's in a baaaad spot here. I don't recall him helping much with the challenge nor do I think he's integrating amazing well which sucks because I can use Liam out here. I can say I helped with the challenge, but even then, I'm not sure if I have a strong enough social game to slide by without my name appearing in somebody's mouth. I'm not a social sorta guy but I'm not doing myself any favors out here. Hopefully Liam isn't going, and I can rise to the top with him here. Hopefully...

*sigh* Liam got brought up... he needs to get on and save his ass. We need a new target, it's his only chance... Though I'm not throwing my game away if he ain't gonna give two shits js

AHHHHH I got the TARGET SWITCHED I think. WHEW! Basically, I had to resort to all necessary measures I could. I went hunting and found some TEA - apparently Lexi and Ruben from the newbie villains are/were dating. How interesting. I took this and slid into Liam's PMs and told him to swing Whitney before the others could. He succeeded - she came to me and said she was down to vote Lexi! Then I went and swung Robin and I think we're both working on Steven now... this might be unanimous now... I am actually shook by how I turned the target so quickly. I just hope I'm not screwed and being duped.

I think Steven's expecting me to vote Liam out but highkey I already voted Lexi what to do what to do

HONESTLY if this works out I'm down for a Whitney-Liam-me alliance we'd rock this game whew. All that we need to do rn is make sure Robin is locked down and then Steven has put himself in one baaaad spot. I'm also fortunate that Liam's still going to be the target of Steven's mind so I can avoid the spotlight again and just do what I can to settle down the others :~)

Warning, the video is ear cancer, but... *long, drawn out, annoyingly squeaky screaming noise https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvL8kLB39aw

This tribe is so quiet or they just don't talk to me I'm definitely worried about tonight very good chance I'll be the going home but I'm gonna try to talk with Jonny and Liam and see if I can figure something out to stay

Soooo as of the moment I feel alright unless everyone is lying to me I feel like I have a good chance to stay in the game. It seems like Liam and Lexi are the targets and unless Lexi comes on and starts talking to me finally that's how I plan to vote tonight

I.. am so happy about this. First of all HELL TO THE O BITCH. So I thought I would start out badly since I wasnt here for the review because bad day, bad karma from stupid hexes. So I love this whole Hero VS. Villains twist, and the whole semi one world tribes! So my villains tribe I LOVE IT! Sarah, I feel I can trust, I love Jaiden, and I love Jordan and I feel like Jordan and Sarah will work together well, and I can work well with Sarah. So I hope that we can work really well in the tribe. More later!!!

So like I am stressed. I have no clue what so ever if I am that stable in this tribe anymore. I previously thought I was, but I was just informed by Sarah that there is an alliance. She was told by Jordan, that Bernel made a meninist alliance of him, Jaiden, and Jordan. And than Bernel now got the audacity to say that he thinks that he can pull me in. First of all, that kinda messes with my game Bernel like, now you are going to have Jaiden, Sarah, and Jordan possibly question me being trustworthy. I feel like Sarah knows that she is my ride or die, and that I completly trust Sarah the most out of this game. And it is 100 percent true, I won'the be going against Sarah, but everyone else? Be prepared. Anyway, because of this new alliance I am questioning Jaiden loyalty because he never told me, or Sarah about it. Only Jordan told Sarah. And Jordan obviously trusts Sarah more than me, which could be a potential problem. I know that because Jordan approached Sarah, and hasn'the told me a thing. Than we have Bernel, who thinks I trust him, but probably he wants to backstab me. And than Nicole honestly is on the outside and hasn'the caused any problems. This is so stressful. I'm so greatful that our tribe isn'the going to tribal, because it would have been absolute hell.

Well, I don't really know anyone on my tribe besides Lexi, which means I definitely have to start talking to people and getting on everyone's good side. UGH.

youtube

Whew, so I know its been a bit into the game and this is my first confessional but I promise I'll make more later. So this one just going to recap everything that happened in the first episode. Low key this is a shitty tribe. Like when I think of big villain names these do not come to mind. Like okay, obviously I am Jordan Pines Evil SupremeTM but like literally the only other person on this tribe who I am like you are actually a known villain is Jaiden. Like Bernel, Who? Sarah, not a villain. Nicole, is literally a hero and Julia is like a maybe idk. Like Kendall and Karen who are on the heroes tribe should have been on the villains. Like come on people. Anyways. I am currently aligned with a lot of people? Like Me and Jaiden, Me and Sarah, Me and Bernel, Me Bernel and Jaiden, Me Jaiden and Sarah. And like i am close with Julia and Nicole just conversation wise. Whew its a lot. The good thing is that despite how big of a narcissistic asshole I am, I am not the biggest ego on this tribe. The great thing about this reject villains tribe is that everyone wants to prove themselves as deserving people of being villains and are like trying to control things already. Jaiden clearly wants to be the leader and its like have fun buddy. I've been there done that not happening this time. We won the challenge which was fun and then I contributed the most to the challenge and got an idol clue. How cute is that. I found the page like instantaneously and now am doing like grid guesses. Then my good hot friend Dom on the newbies is like hey I got an idol clue, and im like no way girl me too. It's the same one but I am pretending that I havent found the grid yet so that maybe in an hour or so I will triumphantly "find it" and share it with Dom. So ya, that everything happening so far in the life and times of Jordan Pines. I may be on a tribe of assholes, but no fear. I am Jordan Pines. I am King of the Assholes.

Of course I'm in a game with fucking Ace and Jordan Pines. I love when the trash take themselves out!

Dom is so hot b y e

I take back what I said about Jordan Pines. He actually isn't that bad so far, and I guess there's an unspoken alliance between myself, Julia, Jordan, and Sarah. I like this foursome and I also really like Bernel, too. Nicole on the other hand... girl...... I don't know what it is about her but I just can't trust her for the life of me. Bernel and Nicole are close outside of this so my prediction is that they'll stick around unless one of them goes home soon. Hopefully we don't go to tribal anytime soon though because I don't want the risk of me going out premerge AGAIN to ever come to fruition. On the other hand, Nicole needs to go now versus later because she's made the merge before and she's gotten to the finals twice. No offense but I don't need this to be a three-peat. Dom is the only newbie that I've talked to since the game has begun, and although I know Lexi and Casey outside of this, I feel like he's closer to me than I am with them already. He's a really cool dude and I get the feeling that everyone else agrees with me. He is really charming and flirtatious and it's like... woah calm down there but I think it's just his way of proving that he isn't a "villain". He talks about doing really well in ORGs so if this is his strategy, it seems to have worked for everyone else so far. Anyways Dom just revealed that he hates Kait and I won't stand for this slander >:(

Okay so I made a video confessional but it's uploading, so I will link to it below and then talk about it.

https://youtu.be/2ZQ1iepS3IY

After I recorded this, I went and talked to Casey. She told me she's in a tight foursome right now and that they're all voting together tomorrow, which means that I was probably wrong about what I thought. I don't know who the four could be but it's evident that Dom has something to do with it, and she later confirmed those suspicions. He's in complete control of that ugly ass tribe and that SCREAMS danger to me. I need to alert people to that soon because if he got the idol clue like I'm suspecting, then that's even more dangerous. I tried to tip Casey off to this, but I don't think she trusts me enough with that information so I let it go. I need to not make myself blatant about who I'm after this early on in the game, so pretty much that entire video I just recorded? Pointless. I think a good move is to just kiss up to Dom. If he wants to pretend that I'm his boyfriend, then I'll go ahead. Let him think he can control me, I guess... but that's not the truth. I know what's good for me and it isn't him. yikes he's going to be SO MAD when these confessionals come out and he sees that this is what I'm saying about him...sorry man! but ur a threat! :~) Like I said, stick to the plan. Play it safe. Work on relationships with Julia and Nicole as well as tend to relationships with Bernel, Sarah, and Jordan. Focus on Kharab before I start to involve myself in newbie drama... yuck. Dom's still a threat! I just can't be on his bad side this early.

I told Sarah about Dom's idol clue. Because Dom gave me the idol clue. So now it's four people looking for it, and I think Sarah found it...

So the game started and cast was revealed with 4 tribes. I was totally thrown into this last minute but that doesn't mean I'm not going to give my all. However I do already have one regret. I should have created a fake account lmao. I didn't expect people to know who Lexi and I were and now there is already a target on both of our backs because people know that we are dating lol. I'm more concerned for Lexi on her tribe because she's on a tribe with Whitney and Gavin who BOTH know that we date. On top of that I know Whitney is really good friends with her ex so that doesn't help her case at all. However Lexi is a good social player and if anybody can get out of it, it's her. My strategy for now is to lay low. Obviously my number one goal is working with Lexi however I'm still trying to make some settle connections with some people on my tribe. I don't know a lot of people in this game and the ones I do know outside of Lexi are not good friends of mine lol. However I'm hoping that could be used to my advantage because where there are good relationships, there are some bad relationships too. I just need to bank on that and let someone take a strike on someone else.

Johnny and I are hitting it off quite nicely...Gavin's a bitch talking about my close friend like he won't succeed, and everyone else besides Johnny on my original tribe of 5 sucks at talking. We're fucked 10 minutes in. And baby, I don't have time for that now.

Why in god's name am I a HERO I'm DISGUSTED by that word.

I'M STUCK ON A TRIBE OF AMERICANS SEND HELP.

FLIPPED IT DADDY. I AM N O T A HERO AHAHAH

SUCK ON THAT, STEVEN.

I AM BACK FOR THE FOURTH TIME!? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED. I should really start loving myself more but clearly I can't get enough. Clearly I am on the Villains tribe, which I knew was going to happen ...and along with me on the tribe is Jordan Pines, Jaiden, Julia, Bernel and Nicole! Honestly people are probably thinking that I would hate my tribe but I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! I WAS BLESSED!!! I LOVE 3 out of the people on my tribe and with me thats majority and all of those three want to work together with me like...........can we talk about how amazing that is. This twist is so cute because I get to talk to all the villains on the season because we share one beach so yall are going to get first impressions from the people I have talked to last night and today! We did a villains beach call last night and it was super fun btw so im glad im playing again and whew im ready Jordan Pines: We know each other in the community, and we're in Sweden together in our swapped tribe rn so I'm so down to play with him and we get a long gr8 [2017-02-03 5:23:27 PM] Jordan Pines: I'm just dead at this [2017-02-03 5:23:31 PM] Jordan Pines: Same tribe fuxk [2017-02-03 5:30:40 PM] Jordan Pines: Like low key can we have a final 2 here I need to make single digits in a season Julia: I love her so much, we played in Bangladesh together just recently, and yea I voted her off but I'm so excited to see her! Shes also crazy which I love and she wants to work together too! [2017-02-03 5:23:39 PM] Sarah: julia [2017-02-03 5:23:42 PM] Sarah: queen [2017-02-03 7:45:30 PM] julia: WE ARE ON A TRIBE [2017-02-03 7:45:40 PM] julia: This makes me feel so much better [2017-02-03 7:45:57 PM] julia: I'm gon b very loyal 2 u Jaiden: He's hosting me in Atomic Survivor rn, and we've always talked outside of games and always connected. He worries me because he might be a little neurotic ...but hes the puppy of our tribe so ill train him well ;) Nicole: Shes so pretty! We havent talked yet but she seems so nice i am dead. Bernel: We have barely talked but Jp,Jaiden and Julia all like him...so thats good and bad at the same time that hes so well liked...so ill just keep talking to him I guess :) Dom: The ONLY newbie that came on the villains beach call yesterday and hes so cute I really like him and I can see him and I working together if the cards allign! Thats basically it but I saw that Kendall, and Karen are on the heroes tribe and they're both from the rogues tribe from r&r and so was I so basically idk how thats gonna go over with them but I would be down to work with both of them if we all three make swap/merge.

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Of all the Wiki players, you picked Aidan, Johnny, and Liam. I'm disappointed in you hosts... c'mon now. Anyway, everyone seems cool ^___^ Karen seems to know Kendall which puts me on edge, but let's hope for the best!

IN ADDITION TO THE WIKI PEOPLE, WE HAVE AAO PEOPLE... AND THEY DECIDED TO CAST A COUPLE?! https://www.facebook.com/ruben.colon.182 LEXI AND RUBEN ARE DATING AND IN THE SAME GAME. OH.MY.GOSH. HOW IS THIS A THING Also, Alex and I seem to already getting close :) I love everyone on this tribe except for Karen and Ace, thus far ^__^

First impressions: Alex - Trustworthy in the short term; extremely social Karen - Slimy; messy; manipulative Kendall - Outgoing; convincing Ace - Reserved; furry (?) Ashley - Trustworthy; cutthroat

Ashley hates Karen Karen hates Ashley and Ace Kendall is hitched to Karen Karen is hitched to Kendall but very very badly trying to make it seem like Alex and Kendall are tight, and it would be a good idea to ally with the that pair (given that Karen and I are now a pair?) All in all, I trust Alex the most. I don't want to share with anyone the info everyone is feeding to me because I may get Cesternino'ed out of the game (aka, everyone teams up on the person who is playing the middle). I'd love to see every self implode as I facilitate the implosion! Ace also loves the fact that I love his furry fandom! But... he's lowkey freaking me out >,>

Just got off call with Alex, and this is where I see the game as it stands at the moment: Kendall and Karen are a duo, but Kendall's social game puts Alex at ease. That puts me in a compromising position, as I want to keep Alex safe but take out Kendall. At the same time, I've worked to solidify a bond with Ashley and pulled strings behind the scenes to ensure Ashley trusts Alex and Alex trusts Ashley (ensuring that Alex won't vote Ashley out). Ace and Karen are also on good terms with me, with Karen and I having formally called it an "alliance." I have been added into "The Cult Alliance," consisting of Karen, Alex, and *shivers* Kendall... but the main takeaway from all of that is the fact that I was last added. It is clear as day that I cannot trust Kendall in the long-term, and as such, I would like to take her out... but that's tricky business with Alex trusting her so much. I feel safe going into the first tribal (that is, if we lose immunity), and as it stands right now, here is who I trust from most to least: 1. Alex 2. Ashley 3. Karen 4. Ace 5. Kendall 6. Bran

This group is great. I'm in love with everyone on this team. They're all fantastic human beings. I clicked with Gavin immediately, and I knew Kendall/Karen already. We're in a group called The Cult, and it couldn't be any better. I just feel really comfortable with all of them.

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Let me make something completely clear, I dislike old people. Well, not all old people, some can be really nice or funny, they don't even need a leathery face or scurrilous for me to consider them old. When person is considered old, in my opinion, when they don't stop saying shit like 'back in my day'. Whether they are 99 or 32, the moment they say "back in my day" they earn the title of old person. Now most of you may be wondering "Kendall what the fuck? What does this have to do with India?" Some of you have already accepted I'm spaz who never really gets to the point. My reasoning for this non sequitur is because I want you to understand, how bad doing this challenge has come to. Because back in my day, when we did the scavenger hunt we were competing against robots and they did all the fucking categories before the deadline. Like seriously, aren't heroes supposed to be hard working or some shit like that? Even more evidence that the tribes were picked by a hat draw. :P Technically speaking, as of now three people are doing the scavenger hunt; Alex (who only put down one), Gavin (who put down two but still got a considerable amount of points), and me (who did a lot of shit, mostly pertaining to making an ass of myself on camera). I don't doubt that the others will eventually get shit done but I'm worried they will be too late and we will be beaten by robots... Again! I mean if we do lose, I have the argument I did more than everyone. Though, I'd try to say it in a less cunty way. Emphasis on try because I am basically a child who doesn't understand basic communication.

Alright so I am a flop and have not made one of these yet... oops. So to start off, I like my tribe a lot, I seem to have a lot in common with the other hero returnees. I really like Gavin, and he has said to me that he would like to be able to work with me throughout the game and I am like hell yes. Alex likes me, which is nice, Gavin told me so, haha. Gavin just says that Alex wants to talk to me more so I will get on that. I don't really get a good vibe from Karen, idk. It could be that I like just voted her out of a game and idk if she will hold that against me so I guess we will see. Haven't really talked to Kendall, oops. Ace seems really cool, he has a lot of doggos and I am in love with all of them. Oh also I found an idol already. There hasn't even been a tribal yet and I have an idol. I got my tribe the most points in the scavenger hunt and got a clue for a reward. I found the place where we had to search for idols and found one on the first try. There was like a bunch of blocks and I had to choose one and I found an idol on the first shot. Like what am I? A goddess.

Okay so here is my first confessional and I guess I’m supposed to talk about the tribe and people. Well, they all suck and I hate them for not being able to stick with a decision. I like Ruben but Jaiden is telling me that everyone thinks we’re a couple which isn’t true at all. If I get voted out over a lie THAT stupid, I will never play again with these weirdos or come back to these games. Dumbasses! I did the second most things in the challenge and if they really love losing then might as well vote me out! Dom is such a snake, he talks to everyone and then doesn’t give any information out. Sorry but who do YOU think you are? I’m not bowing down to your feet. I talked to Aidan and told him people were saying that he was the target and then he took FOREVER to reply as if he was asking people what to say to me. Sorry for being honest and trying to save you? If you want to leave, BE MY GUEST. Then we have our all around useless tribe member Monte trying to go around and be annoying when they couldn’t even do the fucking challenge. Sorry but your ass doesn’t get a say, sit down, shut up and listen to what we want you to do. I wanted their ass to go this tribal. They’re literally useless; not good at challenges, didn’t talk to anyone until today, and is most likely aligned with the other people who played Agrabah on the returnee villains. I have no idea why they would tell me they played that game when there’s so many of them here. Casey has not been online all day and from her last night I heard Aidan, but she took so long to reply, I fell asleep. She was like “lol Aidan is the vote!” and then I asked this morning if anyone else agreed… she gave her patented short reply! “Everyone agreed” My paranoia is obviously taking over and maybe I’m fine but the way these people are acting, it seems as if I’m being voted out. Ruben thinks “oh no, we’re ALL good” and that more than one person couldn’t POSSIBLY lie to us. LMAO Give me a break. Aidan pretending to talk to Monte and then Monte saying that they never talked???????? Wonder why! Monte is either lying to cover their ass for playing all sides and Aidan is going or they are all voting me. Casey won’t get online Ruben is too optimistic Aidan is a big fat liar Monte is fake Dom… thinks he runs the tribe Watch me not even get voted out and look like an insane person, which I mean, I am? Aidan is getting voted out according to everyone and he’s acting so suspicious and doesn’t want to do anything about it. I have so much more to say but I’m just going to hope for the best that I’m still around and try to get it in for the next confessional. I’m forgetting so much but it’s time! I’ll have conversation screenshots for next time hopefully to show you how everyone is acting like a lunatic. Me, included. I can’t wait to go next tribal for acting like a psychotic person this time. I hate myself so much.. I had so much more in this before I accidentally deleted it but oh wells.

I am so excited about this! I have never played before and I'm glad to be representing the heroes. I talked to most people on my tribe and they all seem really cool. Lexi and Steven have given me the best vibes so far. I'm hoping I can get some sort of partnership or I think it's alliance that it's called on survivor. This cast is so big it's overwhelming! I'm skeptical about being on a heroes chat. I'm assuming there will be some twists associated with that. I'm going to try to talk to the veteran heroes just in case later tonight. I hope I can do well in the upcoming challenge! Time to go back to socializing

I'm getting really good vibes from my tribe. Everyone is great. I think we're a special group and I hope we can make it far. I feel like I've connected most with Steven so far. He's played orgs before and has been helping explain the kinds of challenges there are. He's been overall very helpful and I really appreciate the fact that he's reaching out to me. I would be completely loyal to him so I hope he trusts me too. Ideally, I want to form an alliance with Lexi and Steven. I'm not sure how close they are but i'm hoping they approach me about it. Also the weird guy...I forgot his name. He's "Poteet" on skype. he's nice. i talk to him occasionally and he's contributed a lot to the challenge. Whitney's been a little inactive. I'm not sure if she's just not been talking to me or it's with everyone else but Lexi said she didnt say much to her either. She did the bollywood dance for the challenge though so she's still being a team player. I think if we lost immunity Liam would get voted off. He hasnt been talking in the tribe chat or to me and Lexi. I'm pretty sure he has not done anything for the challenge either. It's nice to have someone inactive in the beginning. It makes me feel more comfortable going into tribal council. Well, that's all for now. I'll probably make another one of these after immunity results!

okay so im sad we lost immunity. this is my first game and im going to tribal on the first night, yikes! so last night i talked to steven, johnny, and lexi. it seemed like we were all on the same page of voting out liam for his inactivity. this morning, though, johnny and liam informed me that they want to get rid of lexi because apparently her boyfriend is on the villains tribe. i'm stuck because i really like lexi and i promised her i would not vote her out but johnny and liam are making this out to be a very dangerous connection. i'm not too convinced that lexi should leave because of this. if anything, this will help us at merge or a tribe swap. we could get her boyfriend to vote with us. the concept of getting rid of a premade (new term i learned today!) this early doesn't seem too effective since we're all still trying to get to know each other. it'd be great to keep them once we're at merge because they'd be easy targets. I have a feeling liam and johnny are close allies and that's why they're starting this. i'm definitely voting for liam and i will go out of my way to make sure lexi stays. i need to keep the girl numbers up!

this tribal council is going to be so messy. i am pretty sure we're going to rocks. basically, i'm going to be deciding whether lexi leaves or the vote ties. i feel like such a villain because i've been lying to whitney and johnny saying i'll vote for lexi. but i cant vote for her. i promised i wouldnt do it. i guess essentially im being heroic by sticking to what i said first? im not sure. this will be a night none of the viewers want to miss. steven and i are determine not to switch our votes.

Why are Johnny and Whitney like this.....Steven and I locked in our votes first and I thought they would be smart enough not to take the risk of going to rocks. Looks like everyone on this beach is out of their mind. The rock draw will determine who the next two targets are. I'm really hoping Johnny leaves. He's great at challenges but he can be very sneaky and I don't want him as my enemy. I hope this doesn't end up being my last confessional.

ok so these people are already a little nerdy. The only person i'm enjoying right now is Robin k. She or he idk which is really nice and were into the same shows it seems. I dont know how i ended up on a hero tribe lmao but ill take it. Ruben my boyfriend is on the villians tribe and i already got called out by gavin for it. I'm not going to hide it but not going to tell people either. I have to make a tumblr since i didnt already have one. Also this person johnny is talking about dungeons and dragons. I dont think im going to do well lol. Ok thats all for now.

#youdontgetmycrownjustcause

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