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princess-leaorgana · 1 month

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What Tieflings Do Chpt. 1

Summary: After the takedown of The Absolute, Zelphie finds her city in need of more help and her home destroyed. She won't stop top help, but who can help her?

Rolan x Tav (Zelphie; ~30y.o AFAB, Sorcerer, Tiefling, not really described physically on purpose <3)

M/F

Author's Note: I fucking love tielfings. Along with this being a budding romance/smut/fluff/word vomit fanfiction, it's also my case study in DnD 5e tieflings, how they act, what sets them apart from humans and devils and elves. That being said, I have a few artist liberties in here as well where I couldn't find a straight answer, if you'll amuse me.

Mild trigger warnings - There will be smut in future chapters, but this chapter mentions injury and my hyperfixation on tieflings being carnivores. Also spoilers to the game! If you read my work and find anything else that puts you off, please tell me! <3

‘It seems as though the worst is not yet behind us,’ Jaheira said, sarcasm in her voice. Zelphie laughed at the half-elf and sighed.

‘But surely, we can be awarded a little relaxation until the morning,’ the tiefling suggested and Jaheira smirked.

‘Maybe you will relax, but I must go home, to my litter,’ she said and Zelphie chuckled.

‘Oh, I do wish I could help you with all of that,’ Zelphie responded sarcastically. Jaheira couldn’t hold back her laugh. Zelphie smiled at the older woman. She was always so self deprecating about her age, but Zelphie thought she was beautiful and always thought her so strong. To meet Jaheira, the hero of Baldur’s Gate, now twice so, was so exciting for Zelphie. She had grown up hearing stories of the Druid Jaheira, High Harper. Jaheira was everything Zelphie had been expecting and so much more. Zelphie was very happy to call her a companion, a neighbor in fact. The two looked at each other for a moment, the last two in Baldur’s Gate, well, for now. Shadowheart, Halsin, Lae’zel, Gale, Karlach and Wyll had all left. Jaheira, Zelphie and Astarion were left in Baldur’s Gate, the vampire had run off to the shadows, Jaheira and Zelphie remained. What did one say to a companion one had faced the end of the world with?

‘I assume you have your own family to return to, little cub,’ Jaheira said and Zelphie smirked. Zelphie knew that Jaheira knew better than that. An adult tiefling in Baldur’s Gate, with a full family? Unheard of. The sorcerer had been on her own since she was a child. Not a lot of tieflings had the love of their parents. ‘You know where to find me, please keep close by, yes?’ She asked and Zelphie nodded and hugged Jaheira. Jaheira was so lithe, it was a wonder how she was so strong, Mother Nature was on her side. Jaheira hugged her tightly. ‘Careful with those,’ she said as she loosened the hug and pulled on Zelphie’s right horn. ‘And come find me when you have the strength to help us rebuild, we’ll need you.’

Zelphie headed out to the lower city, praying to any god that was paying attention to her that the small space she had been living in was still standing. The gods would not favor her, however. Her bungalow was dust amongst the streets of Baldur’s Gate. She was half expecting it. But where was she to go? She would kill to take a bath. To continue walking these streets, watching the dead being carted off, the rubble, confused children abandoned, it hurt Zelphie’s heart. There was no bath or bed for her, she would make some use of her time. On her way back to the Elfsong Tavern, she helped where she could. She made use of her volatile magic and helped push large chunks of rubble out of the way so the street could be a little clear for transportation once more. There was a lot to do everywhere, but the park near the lower city’s central wall was a hazard. Zelphie pushed herself to her limits, and twilight was making the work hard. She began her journey to the tavern, hoping for at least a roof to sleep under.

‘Oi! Hero! I can’t believe you’re alive!’ A familiar voice called from the fountain in front of Sorcerer’s Sundries. Zelphie smiled and looked towards the voice. The tiefling population in Baldur’s Gate had grown tenfold since the scourge of The Absolute took hold. Zelphie couldn’t be happier about it. A lot of Baldurians weren’t very happy about them, not only were they refugees, sucking up precious resources, but tieflings had never had a great reputation. Hellspawn, Devil Bastards, Brighteyes, Gargoyles, a few of the many choice words Zelphie had been called in her lifetime. No one could look past their dark ancestry. Zelphie couldn’t tell a soul how far back her familial line went to the Archdevil Asmodeus, but that was all a stranger would see when they looked at her red skin, her glowing red eyes, or her long and sharp horns. How could she blame some people? What was worse than a devil? After these last few months, Zelphie would have to argue that there was nothing worse than a devil. But Baldur’s Gate would have to get used to being overrun by hellspawn, because they were certainly here to stay, and Zelphie was very happy to see this one in particular. Lia, a tiefling she had met at the Emerald Grove at the beginning of her adventure, was sitting on a pile of rubble outside of her brother’s new property, Sorcerer’s Sundries and the illustrious Ramazith’s Tower. She was waving her arm happily and Zelphie grinned and walked over to her friend.

‘Gods Lia! You’re alright! When I saw the state of the tower, I wasn’t so confident,’ she said happily as Lia lept from her seat. Lia hugged her friend tight, which was incredibly painful for poor sore Zelphie, but she hugged Lia back happily.

‘The outside of it is rather brutal, but from the inside, it’s as if nothing happened at all,’ she said cheerfully. ‘You look a little worse for wear though,’ she said and tilted her head and Zelphie sighed.

‘Please tell me I don’t look half bad for a girl who defeated an Elder Brain,’ Zelphie tried to sound positive. Worse for wear was quite a nice way of putting it. ‘I’m hoping there is one last bed in the tavern for me….my…my place wasn’t as lucky as the tower, I’m afraid.’ Lia frowned and shook her head.

‘Oh, Zelphie, I’m so sorry. I feel so guilty, watching all of these people lose their homes, I certainly know what that feels like. Come on inside, would you? Have a bath and something to eat. There’s a bed in there for you,’ she said and Zelphie frowned. Sleeping in a wizard’s tower was certainly much more preferable than an overcrowded tavern, but Lia and her siblings had just reunited. Zelphie did not want to push in as a beggar off of the street.

‘Lia, I couldn’t. The last thing you three need-’

‘Please shut up and come inside, gods dammit. After saving the city, maybe the whole world, you absolutely deserve to rest your head on a plush pillow,’ Lia interrupted, stubborn as Zelphie had ever heard her speak. Lia wore her emotions on her sleeves, she was bold and she was stubborn. Zelphie and her weren’t exactly close, but every argument she ever heard Lia participate in, she always won.

‘Fine, thank you, Lia. Thank you so much,’ she said and Lia walked her inside. The storefront of the building was as busy as it had been, but for a completely different reason. The normal store had turned itself into a place of healing, it seemed. Beds were brought in and tables were used as beds to comfort the needy. Zelphie walked past clerics healing the hurt and she looked at Lia. ‘Give three orphaned refugees a little land and see what they do with it,’ she said and Lia beamed proudly. ‘Once I’m cleaned up, I’m sure I can be put to good use down here, whatever is needed,’ she said and Lia laughed.

‘You’re fucking ridiculous, Zelphie,’ she said and snorted, leading Zelphie upstairs. ‘You’re bruised, tattered, your brain is full of holes, you are part of the group of people who get to rest.’ Zelphie sighed at that. She was dirty, she was starving, she was exhausted. Still, life went on around her, how could she sleep and rest when there was so much to be done? ‘If you even try to lift a finger for the next twelve hours, I’ll break your legs,’ she said, her tail swaying playfully. Zelphie couldn’t help but laugh at that a little. She followed Lia up another flight of stairs to a portal. Zelphie recognized this portal, she had gone through it before. ‘Rolan changed this to only allow family inside. With the given exception to the person who saved his hide. Three times.’ Lia said and Zelphie looked at her. Rolan has made an exception for her? Surely that also included the rest of her companions, not just her. Although Zelphie was a bit biased towards the tieflings they had met on the road, she wasn’t the only one to defeat the goblin camp, to free those imprisoned at Moonrise or to put a final stop to Lorroakan’s madness.

The pair stepped through the portal, and Zelphie was once more transported to a strange level of the tower. The floors below could be seen from where she was standing, and it gave her nerves an unsettling feeling as she remembered that day. But the ‘foyer’ was much different from when she last saw it. Less clutter, every book and object clearly visible for browsing. Lorroakan had been a hoarder of knowledge, not a lover of it. Clearly Rolan was good on his word, books and scrolls and tomes were neat and tidy. There were considerably less of them, as well. No more throne of books either. Items were on full open display instead of being trapped behind locked screens. Lia led Zelphie to a small hallway and up more stairs. Three flights up, Lia finally walked through and Zelphie was terribly relieved. She was exhausted. Her arms, her legs, her tail, even her horns ached. She imagined her promise to help downstairs would not pull through. She was ready to pass out on the next flat surface she saw.

‘Alright, let’s see if I remember this…if I get it on the first go, you tell Rolan how talented I am,’ she said and Zelphie smirked. They stood in front of a normal brick wall. Nothing fancy about it at all.

‘As if he’d believe anything out of my mouth,’ Zelphie said and Lia laughed. The other woman looked like she would respond, but turned to a wall and knocked on it with her knuckles.

‘Epoolso,’ Lia incanted and Zelphie smiled. Lia’s brother, Rolan, was the new master of Ramazith’s Tower, he was a wizard, and like most wizards, was very eager to not only learn, but teach. Lia was not a wizard, but it was clear that Rolan was trying to teach his sister a few tricks. Her incantation wasn’t correct. Lia sighed and attempted again. Nothing, just a brick wall. ‘Well, there goes my chance at impressing a hero then,’ she muttered, crossing her arms. ‘I’ll go find Rolan,’ she said and Zelphie shook her head.

‘No, don’t bother him, I can do it. The Weave and I go way back,’ she teased and Lia smirked. Zelphie lifted her hand to the wall, giving the brick a sharp knock. ‘Pulso,’ she said quickly, and a blue light materialized around the wall in the shape of a door. Lia sighed.

‘Damned wizards always make everything look so easy,’ she said, opening the door and Zelphie laughed.

‘Do NOT call me a wizard in front of Rolan, his head will pop off,’ she said and Lia laughed.

‘Don’t tempt me,’ she said and led Zelphie through the door. Inside was a little room, a bed, a wardrobe, a desk and a small wooden bath. It wasn’t much unlike Zelphie’s actual home. It was just missing the fireplace. ‘I want to catch up with you later, but I’m sure you’re dying to scrape the illithid off of you. You probably haven't eaten yet, I’ll be back with some dinner, but relax, take a hot bath. I’ll be back in a little while, alright?’ She said and Zelphie smiled and nodded.

‘Thank you so much Lia, this is wonderful,’ she said and Lia smiled, leaving Zelphie alone to her thoughts. Zelphie turned on the taps the second the door shut and for the first time in hours, sat down on the floor. She wouldn’t put her dirty clothing on the bed. She began removing her boots. She was almost ashamed of the state of her body. Before the damned kidnapping she was never seen to have a hair out of line. Seeing her skin, smelling it, feeling it, she was going to need more than a hot bath to fix herself up. Dirt, grime, blood, viscera, bruising, cuts, all of it covered her body. She was so aware of it as her bath was running. She removed her robe next, wishing she had more than her lounge clothing to wear, as her robe deserved a proper fire burial. She peeled her pants and wrap shirt off. All the clothing became a puddle on the floor. She poked through the drawers of the wardrobe to find washcloths. She began to scrub at her skin with just water as the bath began to rise. She would make that bath a soup if she got into it now.

Once the bath was full and she had used up three cloths, she got into the tub and sighed out loudly. That might have been exactly what she needed. She would be very happy to soak her skin off here. She allowed the parts of her she couldn’t reach before to soak, dunking her head, hair and horns in the water. They were very sore, her horns. Having sore horns was a newer experience for her, but it was over now, it had to be over. The residual clean-up of the city aside, she could live as she normally did. No fear of ceremorphosis, no fear of Baahlists, doppelgangers, not even goblins. Her biggest worry now was finding a place to rest her head in the future. May Lia, Cal, and Rolan be blessed for giving her refuge for the night, she thought. Her fingers and tail played with the water a little until it became much too cloudy for her liking. She stood, giving herself one last go with a washcloth and stepped out. Now, she would be allowed to preen herself. Lotion her body, file her nails and oil her horns. Being able to take time to do this routine of hers was impossible these last months. If her preening tools had been worth any gold, they would have been sold ages ago, with most of her other possessions. Every moment awake was a moment to take advantage of. To do, to go further, to save their skins. There was a knock on the door and she quickly pulled a tunic over herself for quick cover. She walked over to the door and smiled, seeing Lia once more. The tiefling’s red eyes lit up seeing her.

‘I have never seen your skin so glowing before,’ Lia said and grinned, looking around the room a bit. ‘Oh, let me take those to the wash,’ she said, pointing at a pile in the corner of a towel, cloths and Zelphie’s clothing. Zelphie grimaced and walked over to the pile.

‘You should probably just burn them,’ she said and Lia laughed. Zelphie scooped it all in the dirty towel, which was the cleanest article and Lia took it easily.

‘I was going to bring you dinner, but me, Cal and Rolan would like you to join us. Well, Call and I want to catch up, we have so many questions, but I think Rolan just wants to show off what he’s done to the place,’ she said and Zelphie smiled.

‘Alright, let me just…’ she said and rifled through her bag, finding thick stockings to cover her legs. She followed Lia out of the room, taking a quick stop at a washing room to dump Zelphie’s soiled clothing. ‘So, the infirmary downstairs, I assume you all need help. I can help. After dinner, please put me to good use,’ she said and Lia smirked.

‘You will rest after dinner, I told you. We want to catch up. You can take a break from being the hero for one night, please. Let someone else take care of you,’ Lia said, repeating herself from earlier. ‘Besides, I’m sure you’re useless while you're so tired,’ she nudged Zelphie, who smiled. She still felt guilty, of course. She felt guilty because she did want to relax, but her heartstrings pulled as she was reminded of the chaos down on the streets. The chaos she caused. She did not argue, she hoped she would be right as rain in the morning. Then she would be able to help. Lia led her to a dining room, which was almost untasteful how ornate it was. Clearly Lorroakan’s taste still lingered in the tower. The table was very small, an assumed upgrade from the new master and his siblings. Cal and Rolan were sitting at the table, but stood when Zelphie and Lia appeared. Cal happily walked right over for a hug.

‘Oh Cal! It’s wonderful to see you in more comfortable clothing,’ Zelphie said. The ranger was clearly in need of a relax, his normal leather armor gone, a white shirt and relaxed pants it was instead. He looked like a normal person.

‘Look at you though! I didn’t know how small you were under those robes,’ he said with a happy chuckle letting her go.

‘I’m so glad you and Lia were able to get here safely, where you belong,’ she said as Rolan walked over to greet her as well.

‘Don’t give Rolan all of the credit for that, mate. He told us exactly who bumped us up on the guest list,’ Cal said and pressed a finger to his own nose playfully. Zelphie laughed and looked at Rolan. Imposing as always, in his robes, but as master of the wizard’s tower of Baldur’s Gate, it only made sense. He always had a sense of imposing about him, but right now, after everything, Rolan’s confidence was well measured. A hero of Baldur’s Gate he was.

‘Hello Rolan,’ Zelphie said and held out her arms to hug him as well. Rolan smirked and followed her lead. The hug wasn’t as warm, but about two months ago, Rolan was cussing out Zelphie for merely existing around him. She was very happy for a curt hug.

‘Hello Zelphie, I’m so glad to see you safe,’ he said honestly and Zelphie smiled.

‘Safe because of the quick learning of the new master of Ramazith’s Tower, I promise you. You’ll have to show me those cannons one day. Of course I assumed they would be powerful, but it was unbelievable the amount of damage they did to a red dragon, of all things,’ she said and Rolan’s red cheeks deepened.

‘I would be very proud to do so,’ he said and nodded to the table. The siblings and Zelphie made their way to the table and Zelphie sighed with joy. Tieflings, though very similar to humans in look and biology, had a lot of quirks. One such quirk was their diet. Zelphie did travel with Karlach, another tiefling who had a huge appetite, but her decade in the hells gave her different tastes. Zelphie swore she watched her friend eat actual dirt when it came to it. Otherwise, her companions ate like rabbits. Tieflings were carnivorous by nature, and to finally dine with a group made exclusively of Tieflings, she was very happy to see food that finally suited her diet. ‘I hope the food is to our hero’s tastes,’ Rolan said in response to her little gasp. Zelphie grinned and looked up at her hosts.

‘I’ll complain about the tadpoles and the Baahlists and the goblins and all of that until I die, but only to you three can I complain about Gale’s cooking,’ she said and the other three laughed. ‘You spend months and months with two Druids and tell me how you survive,’ she said and sighed, scooping up cooked marrow for her bowl.

‘Well, we did live in that grove for a while, I think we can understand your pain,’ Lia remarked and took a bite of her food. ‘You did have that vampire though, I’m sure he was helpful,’ she said and smirked. ‘In more ways than one, I’d like to think,’ she added and Zelphie snorted.

‘Yes, he was very giving when it came to his hunts, always very generous with the blood he caught,’ she said sarcastically and Cal looked at her. The truth was the opposite. Although a tiefling could live off of blood like a vampire, vampires had an insatiable hunger for it. Astarion did not like to share his kills.

‘Did he ever…bite any of you?’ Cal asked and Zelphie looked at him.

‘Oh yes, I trained him well. Always just enough to make him happy.’ Cal went deep red in the neck and Lia smiled at her brother.

‘Does it hurt?’ He asked curiously and Zelphie was about to answer but Rolan jumped in.

‘You let that vampire bite you?’ He asked her and she nodded.

‘Yes…honestly…at the time, we had all just landed from the kidnapping and I was desperate. I know it sounds delusional, but I was very happy to have a vampire fighting alongside me. I would do anything to make him more powerful,’ she said and shrugged. Rolan raised an eyebrow at her. There was the judgment in his face she was more used to. ‘If you think that sounds stupid, I’d love to tell you the truth about Gale,’ she said with a laugh and took a bite of dinner and sighed happily.

‘Gale, the wizard? Oh you can tell me whatever you’d like about him,’ Lia said and sighed.

‘Lia, please behave,’ Rolan said and Zelphie giggled.

‘I know you three had your own dangers, I used to wish you would join us, but I’m now thinking how productive we would have been if you had,’ Zelphie said with a smirk. That would have been fun, watching Cal shyly flirt with Astarion and Lia boldly flirt with Gale. Gale wouldn’t have a clue what hit him.

‘Probably not very. I wish we would have been more help, but Rolan insisted without our own tadpoles, we might have held you back,’ Cal said and Zelphie shrugged.

‘In some instances, Rolan’s correct. Halsin and Jaheira could not come to Moonrise Towers without alerting suspicion. Although, that might have to do with them knowing Ketheric to begin with,’ she said and looked at Rolan, who was just looking back at her. ‘If it weren’t for the chance that we were tadpoled, we wouldn’t have been able to save you two or Danis or Lakrissa,’ she said, speaking to Lia and Cal, but still looking at Rolan. He had been so frustrated that he had failed trying to save his sister and brother, where Zelphie had succeeded. But he had to know, without her gods damned tadpole, she would have failed as well.

‘May the tadpole be blessed,’ Lia said and Zelphie looked at her with a smile. ‘But…do you still have it?’ She asked and Zelphie shook her head.

‘No, it was part of the last command to the elder brain, destroy all illithids, destroy self. Halsin was able to confirm they were gone,’ she explained and smiled. ‘Which is lovely for many reasons, but more so because my powers are back to what they were before the tadpole. Which means I can help downstairs and in the city. What do you need?’ She asked and Lia frowned.

‘Zelphie, we want you to relax,’ she insisted, but once more, Rolan spoke quickly.

‘What would your talents be able to help with?’ He asked and Zelphie smiled.

‘A few things. I can cauterize and heal superficial wounds, though I’m sure you’ve caught most of those. And I have very powerful mending talents. Broken legs, broken anything. Even with the tower or store itself. My mage hand as well,’ she said and lifted her right hand, a blue one easily flowing out of it. It flew over to an end table in the corner of the large room and lifted it gently. ‘It’s very strong, please tell me what I can do,’ she said and Rolan watched her carefully.

‘We could really use it, thank you,’ he told her and Zelphie smiled. ‘I’ll meet you in the morning, we'll go over a plan,’ he said and Zelphie nodded, very happy to be of use. Zelphie’s tail lifted and swished slowly and happily, content that she wouldn’t just take advantage of her friend’s hospitality. She knew Rolan would be logical about this.

‘Rolan, we talked about this, we can’t ask the hero of Baldur’s Gate to do-‘ Cal began and Rolan’s eye contact with Zelphie shifted to his brother. He held up a hand and shook his head.

‘You are right, we can’t, but we won’t refuse her request, either,’ he insisted. ‘Whatever she wants, she’ll have,’ he finished and Lia chuckled and took a bite of her dinner. Rolan went a little red and shot his sister with an annoyed look.

‘So, how has it been here? I imagine you three haven’t even found every nook and cranny this tower has to offer,’ Zelphie asked to move the subject away.

‘Cal went through a strange portal and was lost for three hours,’ Lia said and Cal laughed.

‘Yeah, but if I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have found those scrolls Rolan needed for the cannons, I say well worth the struggle,’ he said, still laughing.

‘Yes, and you managed to piss if that djinni, which makes that part of the tower impossible to traverse through, you have my thanks, muttonhead,’ Rolan said and Zelphie giggled.

‘A djinni? Hopefully you didn’t free him,’ she said and Lia laughed.

‘Free? I’m not entirely sure, but he is long gone.’ Zelphie gasped, knowing that absolutely meant the djinni was free and causing havoc somewhere.

‘Another reason I regret allowing either of you to live here, I’m hoping a talented sorceress will prove to be much more careful as a housemate,’ Rolan said and Zelphie felt her tail swish a little more enthusiastically. Well, that felt nice, another little compliment from Rolan.

‘Thank you again, for letting me stay here for the night. I hate to be a pest, once I’m settled again, I’ll be out of your hair and find a way to pay you,’ Zelphie assured and Cal snorted.

‘Pay us? Come on Zelphie, this is our way of repaying you! How many times did she save our skins? Never mind the whole world saving bit, you’ve saved me Lia and Rolan personally more times than we deserve. Please, letting you sleep in that little room is the least we can do,’ he insisted and Rolan looked at Lia.

‘Little room? Where did you put Zelphie?’ He asked his sister.

‘One of the guest rooms on the second floor, I wasn’t sure where you would be comfortable,’ she answered and shrugged. Rolan shook his head and lifted a glass of wine.

‘No, we’ll have you move up to our floor. You’ll love it, the scenes from the balconies are beautiful. Well, they will be once the destruction is taken care of, of course.’ Rolan sipped his wine and Zelphie went a bit red.

‘I’m fine in the little room, besides, it’s just the one night, no need to fuss,’ she said and Lia looked at her.

‘What do you mean one night? Where are you off to? Aren’t you from Baldur’s Gate?’ She asked and Zelphie shrugged.

‘I can’t stay here forever, surely there is a place for me somewhere. Maybe near Cloakwood,’ she said and shrugged.

‘Your place is here,’ Rolan insisted. ‘Unless you are uncomfortable here, of course,’ he added quickly and Lia nodded, reaching over the table for Zelphie’s hand.

‘Please stay with us,’ she said softly.

That was that. Ramazith’s Tower of Baldur’s Gate was now owned by the tieflings. Zelphie would earn her place with the siblings and they would insist she didn’t need to. She already had and they were happy to have her. She listened to the three bicker and tease each other for the rest of dinner and once the food was happily finished, Rolan asked for a moment alone with Zelphie. He led her to a sitting area and was very earnest in his speech. Zelphie sat next to him on a large red sofa and he poured them more wine.

‘I wanted to thank you, personally. This isn’t easy for me to do, so I will apologize early on if I’m…clunky,’ he said and lifted his glass of sweet wine to his lips. Zelphie sipped her wine along with him, her head already a little spinny from dinner. Good food and quality wine was exactly what she needed.

‘Just you not being angry with me is thanks enough,’ she said, playful in her tone. Rolan hummed happily and shook his head.

‘I guess we can both say confidently which one of us deals with stress better,’ he said and smirked into his wine glass. ‘I will also apologize for my previous behavior. I really hope I can make that up to you. I can’t imagine why you would still consider myself worthy of your friendship,’ he said and nodded.

‘Please don’t apologize, Rolan. If I had siblings or any family out there, I’m sure I would have acted the same as you,’ she said and placed her hand on his. He looked down at her hand and then her face and placed his goblet down on a table in front of the sofa.

‘You don’t have any family?’ He asked her honestly and she shook her head.

‘No, I don’t even really remember what happened to them. I was around five, I went to bed one night and woke up in a hostel. All the woman who owned the place said to me was that my parents were gone. It hurt, but I don’t think a lot of our kind can’t empathize with that story,’ she told him honestly and she watched him chew on his bottom lip. ‘But it made me who I am today. I’m lucky I was born with magic in my veins. I might not have survived otherwise, it sounds a little backwards but I’ve always considered myself very lucky.’ Rolan’s yellow eyes read her face for a moment and placed his hands on his knees, preparing himself for something.

‘Could I trust you with something?’ He asked her, his voice a little softer than normal. Zelphie tilted her head, but nodded.

‘Of course Rolan,’ she told him and he sighed out.

‘No one knows this, besides Cal and Lia, of course but…’ he reached for his goblet and faltered. He placed his reaching hand back to his knee. ‘You and I share a similar story, I-uhm,’ he started, but Zelphie would not interrupt him. She wasn’t exactly sure where this was going. Had their parents also been lost? Murdered? Kidnapped? ‘My whole family…they were rounded up when I was ten years old. I ran and hid in a closet, my mother told me to hide. Like you, I still don’t know what happened. I uhm…I met Cal and Lia’s mother soon after that,’ he began and Zelphie’s brows furrowed.

‘You…met…?’ She asked and Rolan looked at her and he nodded.

‘Lia and Cal aren’t really my siblings. My true siblings are dead,’ he said plainly, but there was a quiver in his throat. ‘But their mother took me in…they are all I have, they were so easy to call me their big brother when we were children, I just…we never let that go,’ he said and Zelphie’s heart broke. She couldn’t help it. Even though this tragedy had happened to Rolan maybe two decades ago, she reached over and hugged him. He hugged her back and she felt his tail curl around her waist.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said softly and he shook his head but did not let her go.

‘No, I’m sorry for you, you didn’t get a Cal or Lia. I’m the lucky one here, my dear,’ he told her softly. ‘Which…for many many reasons is why I’d like you to stay,’ he said and the hug ended. Zelphie sighed at him and tilted her head. ‘You need family. We tieflings are strong, but together we are stronger. We work better as a community. Besides the fact that without you the three of us would have died four or five times over, you deserve a family as well, Zelphie. Please, let us give you that,’ he said with such earnestness that Zelphie felt her nose twinge. That was very kind of Rolan. Zelphie had always adored the three siblings, she was always jealous of their relationship and wanted more than anything for them to be together and happy. How could she turn down such a sweet offer? ‘Please, Cal and Lia mean the world to me. If anything had happened to them at Moonrise, I wouldn’t be here. I owe their lives to you. And if you did not save me, make me see what kind of master Lorroakan was, Cal and Lia wouldn’t be here with me where they belong. I would still be being assaulted by a mad man. I could never, even if I lived a million years, I could never repay you for what you’ve done for my family and me.’

‘Rolan…’ Zelphie spoke softly, and Rolan kept his eye contact with her. She felt her eyes sting and she shut them.

‘Might I ask you what you’re thinking?’ Rolan asked her. She felt his hands in hers. She opened her eyes and looked at him once more. What a difference a few life changing events could make. One their first meeting, Rolan was obnoxious and annoyed at Zelphie. Their next few meetings Rolan would have leveled her. Now? Now she would consider him a very close friend.

‘I’m thinking too much, as I usually do,’ she said with a sad little smile.

‘Would you be unhappy here?’ He asked her and she shook her head quickly.

‘No, no no, it’s not that, not at all. No, I adore the three of you. I’m honored you would have me,’ she said and Rolan’s neck went a little red. She felt his tail twitch next to her on the sofa and he moved it away from her slowly.

‘Do you feel guilty?’ He asked her and she nodded. He chuckled and shook his head. ‘Well, that proves it right there you are an only child and orphan,’ he said and reached over for his goblet once more. He took a sip of wine and Zelphie mirrored him. Her mind was spinning. The wine, the food and the new opportunity, it was all a little much for her. That and the war she had just won hours ago. After a long drink Rolan looked back at her. ‘Maybe you will feel more…persuaded if I show you your new lodgings,’ he said and stood up, holding his hand out for her. Zelphie took another little sip and took his hand. She was helped up with a little swaying.

‘I think if I’m upgraded, I might feel more guilty,’ she said and he chuckled.

‘Don’t, for you will have restless nights hearing Lia yelling at me, or listening to me practice my incantations,’ he said and she giggled.

‘Still more calm than camp. You know what calms a githyanki to sleep at night?’ She asked Rolan as he led her from the sitting room. He looked down at her and shook his head. ‘Sword sharpening. Hours and hours of sword sharpening,’ she said and Rolan laughed, looking ahead.

‘Not too many of those here, I’m afraid. There were a lot of weapons tucked away, but I had them given to the Flaming Fist for the battle. What need did we have for them?’ He said and Zelphie just smiled up at him. He glanced down at her, a little proud of himself. He knew Zelphie and her selflessness would have liked to hear that. He smiled at her smile, his blush never fading his already reddened skin.

‘We saw those weapons, Gale and I, when we were last here. Those were very mighty pieces, that was a wise decision,’ she told him and his smile faltered.

‘Oh, well, if I’ve impressed the Gale of Waterdeep, then I’m very happy,’ he said, poison on his lips and Zelphie frowned, but she kept her mouth shut. That was certainly a quick change of attitude. ‘Very kind of a well-off man to just leave his closest companion in the dust the second everything ended,’ he said and Zelphie’s brows stitched together.

‘Rolan, he needed to go back home. He has family in Waterdeep,’ she said and Rolan huffed.

‘And he left you behind, to live in a bungalow at best,’ he said and Zelphie stopped following him.

‘You shouldn’t speak ill of him. He took quite the liking to you, Rolan. If you are jealous of his relationship with Mystra, I can assure you-‘

‘Mystra? Jealous of him and Mystra? No, no, I’m angry at the way he threw you away like yesterday’s newspaper.’ He said, holding his hands behind his back. Zelphie’s tail began to whip back and forth. She would absolutely not tolerate anyone speaking ill of Gale Dekarios, even Rolan.

‘Threw me away? He, like everyone else, went back to their lives. He doesn’t owe me anything, certainly not more than Shadowheart or Lae’zel or Wyll or any of them. What are you talking about Rolan, why are you so upset with him?’ She asked, very confused, but angry at anyone who would put Gale Dekarios in a bad light. Rolan’s eyes narrowed and he blinked for a moment.

‘Weren’t the two of you…?’ He asked and Zelphie’s face twisted for a second. She then buckled over with laughter. Rolan had, for some reason, assumed Zelphie and Gale had an intimate relationship. Gale Dekarios was very handsome, charismatic and powerful, but no. Zelphie had only felt friendship and fondness for the wizard, not love, not that kind of love.

‘You thought Gale and I were an item?’ She asked and kept laughing. ‘Oghma’s left eye, no, no, no, definitely not,’ she said and grinned at Rolan who did not look very amused. He looked down at the floor. ‘Why would you have thought that?’

‘There were a few nights when we all stayed at the inn…I could have sworn…’ he said and bit his lip and Zelphie calmed down and nodded. She knew what he must have misunderstood.

‘At Last Light Inn? No, halfway through our adventure, Gale was given…some divine directive. From Mystra, and those nights where, yes, I’d go to him to comfort him were just that. He was battling a lot of inner demons and I was just being a friend, nothing more. So please Rolan, don’t go to battle with someone you should respect and admire as a colleague. He’s a good one for you to have,’ she said and placed a hand on Rolan’s arm. ‘Not on my account, anyway.’

‘I’m sorry, I should have asked you,’ he said and Zelphie shook her head.

‘It’s nice for someone to defend me,’ she told him and he smiled a little. ‘And it proves my point that I have tried to prove to Gale a thousand times,’ she said and her and Rolan kept walking.

‘Yes?’

‘Wizards are very fucking stubborn,’ she said and he snorted. They walked a little in silence, Rolan was feeling a touch embarrassed. Zelphie wouldn’t harp on it. She would send a sending spell to Gale to reach out to Rolan. She would have them fast friends in a jiffy.

‘Down here are Cal and Lia’s rooms,’ he said, pointing to a west wing. It was common knowledge that wizard’s towers were massive. Melphie still could not believe she was in the same building. She knew she would be getting lost. ‘My bedroom is right here, should you ever have need of me. Though, I will warn you, I’m not usually there. We’ll have a proper tour tomorrow before we all head downstairs. I’ll show you my normal hiding places,’ he told her and she nodded. ‘And I think you will do nicely just across the hall here,’ he told her, walking to a door down the hall to the right of his own room. He opened the door for her and she couldn’t help the little gasp that came from her mouth.

The room was very large. It had a high ceiling and a balcony. Two large bookshelves covered the western wall, a canopied bed with royal blue blankets and pillows right across from them. There was a door connecting to a large washroom. Desk, a vanity and a wardrobe adorned the room as well.

‘If there is anything you’d like to change, please feel free. I’ll be changing a lot of the comforts around here in the coming months. Please, this is your home now, make it yours in whatever way you please.’ Zelphie looked up at Rolan and beamed. He smiled down at her and nodded his head.

‘Rolan, I’m at a loss for words, this is beautiful. It’s more than I’ve ever had,’ she told him and he looked at her for a moment and nodded again. His tail swayed happily, very content with the compliment.

‘You deserve more,’ he told her firmly, sweetly. Zelphie smiled and looked down. She stepped closer to him and for the third time that evening, she hugged him tight. He hugged her back, resting his chin on her temple, their horns clinking together lightly. Zelphie felt a light moan escape from her lips at the tender feeling of her sore horns. She would not sleep easily tonight. Rolan looked down at her, worried at that sound. Goodness was his face close. ‘Sorry, they are very sore,’ she whispered and he nodded and he looked up at her horns, inspecting them.

‘Please tell me you weren’t head butting illithids,’ he said and let her go, reaching up to her horns to inspect them.

‘A girl had to do what she had to do…’ she said, but it wasn’t the truth. A tieflings horns were imposing, but not exactly strong enough to do battle like a devil or demon. Zelphie did have very large horns, so the pain she felt was from them being caught or pulled. She had been thrown around by enemies who got close enough to her. Rolan raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. ‘Truth being, they were usually used against me,’ she said and he sighed, nodding. No tiefling living could say they were never at least bullied with a horn push or pull. He still pressed a finger to the crown of her left horn, rubbing up lightly. It hurt a little, but a purr was brought through her throat. Rolan stopped touching her immediately.

‘Was that alright?’ He asked, completely red in the face. Zelphie felt her own skin burn and her happy tail fell and she felt it coil around her leg in embarrassment.

‘Yes, sorry, it felt nice,’ she said softly and Rolan nodded. He took a while to think about his next words and Zelphie bit her lip. She was about to wish Rolan a good night, but he spoke first.

‘I’ll get some oil for you, we’ll see if they just need a massage,’ he said and nodded.

‘Oh, you don’t need to,’ Zelphie told him and he smiled a little at her.

‘I’d like to,’ he said simply and turned on his heel. Zelphie noticed the happy curl of his tail as he left the room. He wasn’t going to be easily swayed off, that was for sure. Zelphie knew that, she meant what she had said, wizards were stubborn and Rolan was a prime example of that. He was stubborn, confrontational, proud and fiercely protective. Zelphie knew now that was probably the guilt he felt. The same guilt she felt when others took care of her. She understood him, and she would continue to not allow his blunt speech upset her. The truth was, she adored Rolan, just as she did Cal and Lia. And the other tieflings that she had grown so close to, Alfira, Lakrissa, Bex and Danis, all of them. The siblings were priority to her. They were good people, happy people, and people that deserved the world in her eyes. Even more so now.

Zelphie walked to her new bed and sat down on it. The mattress was plush as anything she'd ever sat on. She giggled to herself, thinking of how she would get out of it in the morning. She touched the soft blanket, running her hands over it gently. What a difference, she’d never lived like this before. Her mind flashed to an idea of how her new housemates might have lived back in Elturel, its descent into Avernus. She shook her head, not wishing to let her drunk imagination run wild on that subject. She heard a loud crash outside and lifted herself off the bed. She walked to the balcony doors and opened them. Fireworks. Someone was shooting them off and she smiled. Rolan was right, the view was beautiful, she had a view of the river. She was a very lucky tiefling.

‘Exploring?’ A voice called from behind her. Zelphie turned around and smiled, seeing Rolan again, a little tincture in his hand. Her tail moved back and forth happily.

‘Someone is setting off fireworks,’ she said happily. Rolan smiled down at her and looked off as another few were set off.

‘Here I was, hoping you would get a good night’s rest,’ he said and walked past her to the edge of the balcony. ‘But, it’s the very least the city can do to celebrate its hero,’ he said and glanced back at Zelphie. She walked over and stood next to him.

‘Baldur’s Gate has many heroes,’ she corrected him and he gave her a sly little smirk. ‘At least one of them on this balcony,’ she said and gave him a playful nudge. He gave a proud little huff.

‘Oh please, that compliment cannot come from you. I wouldn’t even have had power the cannons gave you if not for you,’ he told her and she smiled. ‘Shall we?’ He asked her, nodding back inside. She followed him back into the room. Rolan sat on the bed and Zelphie sat on the floor in front of him, her back in between his legs. ‘Please tell me if this hurts,’ he told her and Zelphie closed her eyes, bracing for pain. Pain did not come. Starting at the crown of her horns, she felt his fingers gently glide. ‘When I was younger, I was bullied relentlessly. Other children had no issue grabbing me by my horns and pushing me around,’ he spoke and Zelphie opened one eye. ‘My horns very rarely went without being sore. This would always help,’ he continued and Zelphie closed her eyes again, relaxing. He had such a soft, low voice, very pensive. Between his voice and the massage, she would fall asleep like a brick. She leaned back, her purring continued and her tail coiled around Rolan’s leg. ‘It’s alright, right?’ He asked her and she nodded slowly.

‘Yes, you’re so good, Rolan,’ she said softly. She meant it. It felt wonderful. She had never been massaged before, not really, nothing like this. ‘You have a wonderful touch,’ she added. His fingers moved up her horn and she shuddered. It hurt a little, but the chills were worth the pain. Where did all of this gentleness and care come from?

‘Thank you,’ he said softly, very happy with the praise. It was not long into this lovely treatment that Zelphie leaned against Rolan’s leg and felt her aching body weigh heavy. ‘Such a simple thing to be taken care of, but it means the world, doesn’t it?’ He kept talking softly. Zelphie did not respond. She was still purring and her tail was still around his leg. ‘Zelphie?’ He called out softly. Nothing. She was asleep. Rolan froze for a second, not sure what to do. He moved a little and she stayed still. Rolan got off of the bed and shuffled away from Zelphie. It hadn’t taken very much to send her to sleep. She slumped up against the bed. Rolan pushed the blankets to the side and looked back at Zelphie. A strong transmutation spell would do the trick. Not that he liked using magic on an unconscious friend, but it was just to help her into bed. Slowly her body lifted off of the floor and he was able to drop her gently on the bed. He covered her with blankets and left. Zelphie slept the deepest sleep of her life that night, ready to take on what tomorrow would have brought.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #rolan x tav #bg3 rolan #holy rolan empire #rolan bg3

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alilaro · 11 months

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I have some Thoughts on Evangelion, and I'm hyperfixating right now, so here's a massive info-dump on it. Thank you and I'm sorry.

(trigger warnings for: child abuse, child death, gore mention, pedophilia, mental health, depression, suicide, and potentially more.)

———————————————→

So, my take on the End Of Evangelion is like a 'Worst Timeline AU.' So what would've happened if Shinji had given into the crippling (justified) trauma and deepest depression of an abused, manipulated, and unfathomably damaged child soldier.

The way Misato constantly screams at him throughout the entire series to 'be a man' and pressures him to get into the EVA and fight literal biblical, kaiju-like angels.

The pressure of trying and failing to get a crumb of praise or approval from his neglectful and spiteful father.

The way people (and fans, tbh) get upset with him for constantly changing his mind. How if he doesn't pilot the EVA, either he or his friends could die. The pressure every adult puts on him. Or again, the absolute cosmic terror of just seeing—let alone having to murder these angels.

Of course, he quits all the time, he's 14. He's a child. An average adult with all the combat training in the world would easily do the same.

Yet he comes back again and again, because of the guilt, the self-loathing, the manipulation of the adults around him—

(who can have all the greatest intentions in the world, "the greater good", etc etc, and it doesn't change a goddamn thing that they are putting these children into death machines and treating it like if they dont do it they are selfish and worthless)

—that if he doesn't do it, his friends will do it and either they or others will die if it's not him.

Like, the point isn't that he can't make up his mind: it's the fact that even if he "gives up", he still keeps coming back, and putting himself before others, despite the grief, despite the pain, despite the trauma

A fourteen-year-old child refuses to stop getting up and trying. Which I feel is symbolic of the whole shows entire meaning, no matter how dark things are, how much you hurt, how much others hurt you, how you feel like nothing, and you want it all to just stop—the pain, the memories, the guilt, the crushing weight of complete utter depression—even as the darkest envelops you and holds you tight, you feel like you can never escape: there is ALWAYS a way out of it.

It's fucking hard, you will lose yourself in it, you will hurt so, so much—but eventually you can find your way out. Through time, through loved ones, through therapy, and more. It's never too late or someone is too far gone in their own despair that they can't be saved and brought back.

And that's not even mentioning the other children. Fans enjoy Asuka more than Shinji because she's got that quick, snappy, high-energy personality. She's overly proud and stubborn, and she loves to fight in her EVA. And Rei, she's the shy quiet girl (a Kuudere, even (didnt like writing that)) designed to be mysterious, and to speculate over. Who is she? Why is she so calm? Does she have a personality behind that demeanor?

But, just like Shinji, they are all child soldiers, and like him, they are products of trauma and manipulation by adults.

Rei, was made in a fool-hearted attempt to bring back Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari, by combining her remains with Lilith. What they got was Rei. An assimilation of Yui, Lilith, Eva, all combining into Rei Ayanami.

Her creators obviously had attachments to her, both having loved Yui before her death, and Gendo Ikari almost took her on as a daughter-like figure (Rei being the name he would've given to his child Shinji, if he had been born a girl,) and revoltingly even more than that.

But as the theme of the series goes, good intentions from adults mean very little, and often act as nothing more than an excuse for creating/doing inconceivably monstrous acts.

She is of course used as an EVA pilot, being able to manipulate her form into a 14-year-old. She is used as a tool. She is replaceable. She knows this. She has no desires because no one has ever cared enough about Rei as her own person to let her think for herself, asked her what she wants, her likes, her dreams, her fears.

Rei's entire existence at this point is to serve, and in an eerie way, the only thing she wants is to serve Gendo, because he's shown her the only breadcrumbs of "compassion" she's ever known.

And then Shinji comes along. Shinji has no idea what she is, only that she is another EVA pilot like himself. He speaks to her as he would anyone else. He cares about her, and her well-being as another person. Actual true compassion.

In episode 06, when Rei is hurt and thought to have died by Shinji, he pries open the hatch to her EVA, ignoring the scalding heat that burns his hands to do so. He finds her alive and cries, and she smiles for him.

This scene is an exact parallel that takes place before with Rei and Gendo (Shinji's father.) He pries open the hatch, scalding his hands too, and finds her alive inside. It's identical except for one thing: Compassion.

Shinji fights to free and help Rei, and when he sees her alive, he is overcome with relief that she, Rei, is alive. He is in tears, he tells her she isn't nothing, implying her life is worth something and people care about her.

When Gendo does it, he does it like a man trying to save a valuable asset. He sees she's okay, and mutters 'I see', and that's the end of it.

Again, in episode 23, when Rei actually dies and is replaced; she is confronted by herself (the Meta Rei, the Rei in her purest, most godly self. A combination of all her sense of beings,) and realizes that she is feeling, she is lonely, she is suffering, and for the first time she cries, and asks herself if this just for her love of Gendo, before sacrificing herself in death to save everyone—specifically shinji.

She is replaced by her many clones, but this time she regains some of her memories, her feelings, her anger, and she is more human now, less vessel, more soul. She is Rei.

In the End of Evangelion, we see the depths of Gendo's depravity. He wants his wife, Yui, back as she was, of course. But in the meanwhile, there's Rei. Rei who is part Yui—a substitute. He touches her breast, an attempt to merge with her, and moves his hand down further to rest between her hips, inside her.

Rei is as much his daughter figure and a child, as she is a part of his own wife, and arises from this: an Oedipus Complex. Gendo treats her as a disposable tool, yet holds Yui at his highest priority. She is his to do with as she likes. How many times has he used her like this? How many times has he committed these atrocities with this child behind closed doors?

Amongst everything else Rei is, she is also a victim of pedophilia.

And in her final moments, while he attempts to merge with Rei in a delusional attempt to bring back Yui, Rei becomes her own being. Rei puts her foot down and says no. She's had enough.

"I will not be a puppet for you to control."

She takes the hand of Adam, fully merges with Lilith, and becomes a God.

And what does she do with all that power? She takes it all, and gives it to Shinji. The one person that ever consistently showed her care and compassion, showed her love. Made her realize she is her own person, gives her the strength to realize her worth and refuse Gendo Ikari, and choose her own path.

Her choice can be argued as good or bad, both. But in the end it was REI's choice, and no one elses.

Asuka uses her anger and her fighting as a means to cope with a barbaric childhood. Her mother, Kyoko, underwent a Contact Experiment when Asuka would have been ~5 years old.

Kyoko survived, but lost her mind completely, thinking her real daughter was actually a doll, and leaving Asuka completely neglected by her mother, all whilst begging and trying to convince her that SHE was her real daughter, not some doll she clung to.

Meanwhile, her father was completely unaffected by this, and even had moved on with another woman (An affair that had been going on before Kyoko fell apart completely, the woman being Kyoto's doctor, that she knew about, and took place in their own home while both mother and daughter were present.) Throwing himself back into his own life with this new woman, and job, Asuka was left with nothing.

Asuka's mother finally snaps and plans her own suicide. She invites Asuka, and with nothing else and wanting nothing more than to be acknowledged by anyone, agrees to take their lives together.

As if all of this isn't bad enough, as a final blow, Asuka's mother takes her own life without Asuka, leaving a five-year-old CHILD to find her mother hanging lifelessly, betrayed and alone again.

Her entire personality isn't because she's 'cool' or 'bossy', its an unfathomably traumatized child, constantly in pain and unable to trust anyone, because she has been taught as an infant that she can not rely on the people meant to care for her, because her parents taught her that in the most brutal and disturbing way possible.

There's even reference to her trying to repeat her mother's suicide after disappearing from the fight, only to be found gravely injured and withering away in a bathtub.

She fights so hard to be independent because she refuses to let herself be hurt and abandoned again.

At the End of Evangelion, even when she is screaming and crying, bleeding to death after being speared through the eye, losing power, and being cannibalized alive in her EVA, she is still so desperate, so angry, that she refuses to die, swearing vengeance on her enemies through dying rattled breaths, and it isn't until she is bombarded with blades that she finally succumbs. And at the hands of NERV.

Again, she, and every single EVA pilot, is only 14 years old.

tldr: The series is about child trauma, children being turned into soldiers, the failings of adults around them, and the tragically brutal and real aftermath of the wreaks of havoc that would have on a child.

#I had to get this out of me because the loud fanbase for this show is fucking putrid #and also im hyperfixating and needed to get that out of my system LMAO #evangelion #neon genesis evangelion #eva #end of evangelion #evangelion shinji #evangelion asuka #evangelion rei #shinji ikari #asuka langley sōryū #rei ayanami #kyoko zeppelin sōryū #saiyū langley #gendo ikari #yui ikari

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morimakesfanart · 3 months

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Sindria's Prophet #37

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [Intermission] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36]

[AO3] [wattpad]

*CW-Long term affects of medical denial & child abuse, living with PTSD *Kink & toys mentioned

((I keep forgetting to tell you guys: Lyly is pronounced "lee-lee." It's short for their middle name, Llyn/Lynn (<-genderfluid affected spelling)))

~POV Mori~ I woke up gasping. I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself so I could tell the difference between actual physical touch and the phantoms left over from my night terror. My body wouldn't stop shaking; I needed Lyly's help. When I got out of bed I froze. Not only did my bed not have curtains, this wasn't my room. No. This was my room. Sinbad picked it out for me in the guest tower. I was in Sindria; in a whole different dimension. All of the adrenaline supporting me left and I sank to the floor. I was still trembling but I wasn't scared anymore. The people who hurt me couldn't reach me here. I had that dream because after spending the past month hyperfixated on the present, I had been triggered into remembering one of the worst parts of my past, so now I was remembering the rest too. 'Sorry, Lyly.' The safety I had gained in this world was invaluable. I couldn't imagine going home willing. Based on how little light was getting through the curtains it was still the middle of the night. I was drained from my dream, and my hips were still aching but it took a while for my mind to calm back down. Tomorrow and the distractions that came from it couldn't come soon enough.

--- "Alright now, Mx. Prophet," the doctor gave me my diagnosis. Sinbad had him sent first thing in the morning, and his arrival woke me up. "You need to rest for a few days. I'll have painkillers sent over to help with your hip pain, fever, and migraine." With his job done, he saw himself out. 'I can't miss the Morning Assembly! ...But-!' I knew the doctor was right deep down. I was in no condition to do much of anything. I was fine resting when I didn't have obligations, but I had a job now. If I was back home I would have had to give Lyly my keys so I couldn't leave. Five years just wasn't enough to fully rewrite my base instincts. Although, from the new memories I was gaining, the me back home was doing a bit better. Those new memories were why I was healed and practiced enough to stop myself even if a doctor hadn't told me to... especially since I had a fever. As long as both me's kept whatever this connection was then maybe we would also keep the benefits from both sides. --- ~POV Sharrkon~ Mori was the only person that missed the morning Assembly. Yamuraiha had a growing smile throughout the meetings, and now that it ended she mumbled something to Pisti. Shar groaned; he knew where this was going. "Yup." Pisti giggled. "I heard from a reliable source," probably 1 of her boyfriends, "that Mori's not 'sick'. Her hips were injured and her body over worked last night." The King refused to look at the gossips. His silence spoke volumes compared to the past month of him adamantly defending that there was nothing special between him and 'his Beautiful Prophet.' "Oh ho~! It finally happened after I left!" Hina slapped Sharrkan on the back with a laugh. "Looks like the 2 of us have to pay up! But I guess you lost the most, huh?" "Oh, no! I ain't paying nothing! Nothing happened!!" Shar had a hurt ego to nurse and he would not let them step on it harder. "Mori got hurt dancing. Our King had nothing to do with it!" Sharrkon felt a shiver run down his spine that made him hold his tongue. Hina looked to the others for confirmation. "Is that true?" Drakon answered him. "It's true. However, it's also true that Sin carried Mori all the way to their room from the festival." "Oh~? That's proof enough for me." Drakon, Ja'far, Yam, and Pisti agreed with their own comments. The man in question still refused to comment, so Hinahoho addressed him directly. "You're really not going to say anything, Sin? After all of that time, telling us how you don't want to get married?" "Fine. Fine." King Sinbad finally turned to them with his arms crossed. "It's simple really. You know I'm not the type to reveal my hand until I'm certain." Sinbad was smiling, but Shar knew instinctually the King was the threat that told him to stop talking. The giant laughed. "Is that so?" "I know you're aware this is a first for me." Sharkkon's wallet cried with him. He had lost 2 out of 3 bets. It was only a matter of time before he lost the 3rd.

---- ~POV Mori~ The Great Bell rang out. The morning Assembly was definitely over. There were several things I had wanted to do today, and I couldn't do any of them since I had to rest. I needed to meet with Queen Artemina before she left Sindria. I had to solidify our connection as allies, but she was set to leave in a day. As I wrote a letter to send her, the waves shifted. This was the right choice for me, and the future I wanted. The letter would need time to dry before I could send it. I got up from my chair and stopped. I didn't want to lay down again yet no matter how much my body needed it. 'Damnit! How much more of my life am I going to spend sick??' I groaned into my hands. I was born with a weak raspatory system, so I get sick multiple times a year and often end up bedridden. "I am allowed to rest even though I can sit up and walk. Pushing will only make it worse." My mom eventually stopped acknowledging when I would get sick due to the expense which is why I struggle to let myself rest as an adult. I made a point of putting the truth into words to fight her conditioning. I climbed back in bed even though I knew that meant I would be stuck with just my thoughts until I fell back asleep. This was the perfect opportunity to process everything that had happened with Sinbad, but I couldn't think about it at all. Being triggered, recognizing these new memories, and that night terror just made me think about home more -well the place I came from. Even when I was in my room there I often couldn't help but think 'I want to go home' because even though it was comfortable and familiar, I couldn't feel safe. My last therapist told me that as long as I stayed in that house full of reminders there was only a slim chance of me recovering from my CPTSD. If only I could have afforded to move out.

In the new memories I got, our dad finally agreed to reorganize all of the living spaces, so that me and Lyly weren't getting as many flashbacks anymore. Hell, he even apologized for everything and started acting like a real dad some of the time. The me that stayed home was able to persevere until an opening for change finally came. 'If they got Isekai now I wonder if they would want to go home?' The thought had never occurred to this me -just like it never did back when I was in in-patient. Although I was still worried about Lyly like I was then. I rolled over to pull out a scroll from the bedside dressers. When I was on the ship I had worked on all sorts of scrolls and one was a memoir of my life back home. One of the first things I did was draw the people important to me before I'll inevitably forget their faces. I unrolled the scroll. Lyly's face stared up at me from the page. As difficult as that place was to live in all of my loved ones were there. In this world there was no one that knew me, and I wasn't sure if I could let my self get that close to anyone here -especially Sinbad. He already knew how deep some of the scars on my heart are. I didn't want him to think any less of me, or use my pain against me. And even more than that, I was scared that the safety I had here would shatter if I made a wrong step. 'I thought I was doing better.' This world had treated me so well that I fell into a false sense of security. Not being surrounded by reminders of my traumas made me feel like I was somehow cured and could restart from scratch. But that's not how healing works... Being away from triggers just made it easier to avoid having an attack. It's only after feeling safe that we let ourselves feel the emotions that are unsafe to feel in the moment. A few tears fell down my cheeks. I placed the scroll on the bedside table and rolled back towards the middle of the bed. Surely it was okay for me to cry in a situation like this. I allowed myself the luxury even though the tears didn't last long. When I was young I cried just as often from joy as sadness. The abuse I experienced made it unsafe to cry at all, so I learned to cry silently until I eventually stopped crying altogether. Being in this world made me feel like it was okay again. Letting myself actually feel these emotions was an important step in the healing process. Beating myself up for getting triggered and relapsing wouldn't help at all. I needed to forgive myself.

--- One day of rest should be enough, right? It's not like I still had a fever. I didn't want to stay in my room and make an even worse impression. My hips would hurt a little if I over worked them, but that would just act as a limiter. ((<<= This person is in denial))

I got dressed after breakfast, but as soon as I grabbed the doorknob I froze. "Yeah, no." I was not in the mood to see Sinbad in person yet, and I would have to if I left my room. As soon as I took Queen Sinbad's choker back off I felt a wave of relief. It had given me so much dopamine and serotonin when it was part of a fantasy, but now it was a reminder of my fears. How could I mark myself with it when I couldn't feel safe in my own desires? Wearing it felt like a lie. I definitely wouldn't be able to wear it for a while.

'Guess I haven't completely lost my sense of self-preservation.' Besides, I hadn't actually had time to do most of the things I like doing to relax since I got to this world. Going out in this state would be worse than not going out. Another day off as I recover from the stress had to be reasonable.

But what options did I have to relax?

Everyone else was busy with work at this time of day, so I could masturbate without having to worry about being interrupted. But my toybox didn't isekai with me; I only have my hands, and some ribbons for mild shibari. Sinbad said I could make requests, but there was no way in hell I was letting him find about this, let alone use his money for my sex toys. I'll figure out where to get some after payday. The night terror was still fresh in my memory anyway.

Video games, comics, and anime were obviously out of the question. Printing still isn't big enough for fiction to be popular to write -that's part of why Sinbad's Adventure story was such a huge success. I had 3 cats back home, but I can't exactly adopt a new pet while sick. I do sing a lot to relieve stress, but it would be embarrassing to be overheard without knowing. 'Note to self: get carpets to hang up to dampen the sound.' There were places I could go that would be harder to be heard but leaving wasn't an option until I was better. That only left me: writing and drawing.

'Working on Fate scrolls it is!'

The flow of ink was good for my brain. It did more than help calm me; it gave me more perspective but it couldn't give me true answers. 'I wish we could just go back to how things were before that night. How am I supposed to know when I will be ready to see Sinbad again?' He isn't any of the people that hurt me, so why can't I just like him without being afraid of betrayal?

Were Sinbad's actions manipulation, or earnest? Could I trust the safety I felt around him? It was definitely a combination of how he treated me, what I knew from reading his Fate, and how familiar I was with being around those types of manipulation. But there was something strange. When I looked for signs of his manipulation in how he dealt with me, or any expected fallout, nothing came from it. In fact, everything kept ending in my favor. The cycle I was expecting was coming from me, not Sinbad. The waves swirled as I finally let myself think about it.

What was he actually going to say when I cut him off? Even if it was what I thought, would I be able to believe him? Even if I didn't have relationship trauma I don't think I could trust him romantically after reading his Fate. He claimed he wasn't playing the flirting game, but that could have been manipulation. Was it my heart or pride that would be hurt more if he was lying? I couldn't tell yet.

I was lonely. Both in general, and in this world. There was no one that knew me here. And I was too scared to trust the person getting closest to my heart. Even though I didn't want to be seen like this, I didn't actually want to be alone; I just couldn't shake the fear of rejection or punishment I thought was inevitable. I left my windows open just in case. ---

~POV Sinbad~ The King sat on the edge of Mori's bed. He had been unable to visit the first time she was sick. Now that he understood his own feelings he couldn't stay away unless he was on the other side of the world. The only reason he didn't visit the first day was because he knew she needed space away from him. The waves had been trying to guide him here for a while though. Who was he to deny them? No one answered the door when he knocked or called out. The silence and waves worried him. The last report said her current fever was mild, but it could have spiked since then. Mori developed an extremely high fever on the ship several hours after everyone saw she was unwell. He entered without permission only to find his Beautiful Prophet was sleeping peacefully. He had gotten to see her; that would have to be enough. Mori turned her head in her sleep and her bangs fell onto her eye lashes. Sinbad leaned over to move her hair out of the way. He tried to keep his touch light to not wake her, but her eyes fluttered open. Unfocused eyes watched him. "Sin..?" The sound of their voice was a relief. It didn't sound strained at all, only weak from sleep.

"How are you feeling?" They weren't anywhere near as bad as last time. "~*yawn* Better now that I'm awake." "Oh? Did you have a bad dream?" They watched him as what he asked slowly processed in their newly conscious state. "Yeah, I did. Thank you for waking me." "Anytime." Sinbad returned their weak smile with his own. "I guess that's why it wasn't just my waves leading me here." He hesitated. "Mori, what do you think about moving into the Purple Leo Tower? It will be easier to care for you when you get sick. You'll be safer there. And your waves could reach me faster." The same fear from the other night started seeping into their expression. "I'm fine here." But he wasn't fine. "Besides, it will be harder when I have to move out of the Palace." For a moment he forgot how to breathe. "Why would you have to move out?" Why would she ever think she had to leave?? "Would you really be okay with me staying after my visions run out?" The King couldn't stop his hand from reaching to caress their cheek, but he was able to hold back from making contact. "Of course." Mori's brow creased farther and they glanced at his hand. "What about after I share all the knowledge I have from my world? I wasn't an engineer. I only know the basics." Sinbad's heart dropped. From the beginning Mori had been marketing herself as a resource, and he had only ever responded positively. Yet another way he'd messed up without even realizing it. "Of course, I'll still want you by my side." The more he was able to peer into Mori's heart the more worried he got. "You are a person, not a resource. You do know that, don't you?" Mori closed their eyes and leaned their head towards his hand; he took that as permission. Their cheek didn't feel feverish. They spoke flatly about their emotions like they did the night of the Announcement. "I know that logically, but I struggle with knowing how to act if I'm not helping someone." They brought a hand up to his. "I really do like helping people, but sometimes it feels like that's all I am. It's what I had to do to survive since I was little." Ah. He could understand that thought process. Sinbad had been a caregiver for his mother and village from a very young age, and went straight from that to king's candidate. There was very little time in his life when he wasn't working towards helping someone. Drinking, and philandering became his break from that -although he would hopefully be narrowing that last point to one person soon. "You seemed to do just fine at the festival." So fine that he couldn't deny his feelings anymore. "Huh? -Oh. Yeah. I guess I did." Her expression softened into a genuine smile. "It was probably going around the festival that got me sick though." It was mainly stress according to the doctors' report. Mori closed her eyes with a yawn. "I'll have to keep more distance between me and the citizens next time. I didn't realize I was so interesting." "You're incredibly interesting." They let out a quiet chuckle. "If you say so." Sinbad watched and felt as they turned their face into his palm, and sighed. Mori relaxed more into his hand with each breath as if his scent and touch were comforting. It bubbled up desires he knew he shouldn't act upon with a sick or unconscious person and yet he couldn't make himself leave either. He took a moment to ground himself but it did little good. He couldn't bring himself to leave until after Mori let go of his hand. To think another person would have this much power over him. "You really are amazing." There was absolutely no way he'd ever allow anyone else to see this side of them. Mori would be moved to the Purple Leo Tower in time, and would just have to learn through experience that he had no intentions of letting them go. ---

~POV Mori~ I woke up to the Great Bell the next morning. Sinbad being here was not a dream. I had just been too groggy to question the situation. What was the point of staying home, if he was going to visit me in person?

On the plus side, seeing Sinbad while I wasn't stuck in my trauma brain helped break the cycle of questions. Sinbad might be stubborn but through his whole life he is shown being someone fully willing to change his mind when given enough information. At this point in the story he is someone with conviction who says his truth directly -even if he often speaks in a manipulative way. So when he said he's chosen a new path, he meant it -even if I don't know what that means yet. And when he is shown seducing women, the idea of moving any of them into the Purple Leo Tower would never be considered, let alone offered -even in private. And yet he offered that to me.

Sinbad was changing and I'd never be able to accept how if I stayed cooped up in my room. To understand myself, and Sinbad I needed to spend more time around him. My rest was over. I didn't need to jump all the way in at once. I'd see him at the morning Assemblies, swap pleasantries, and part ways until the next day. 'Slow and steady.' --- ~POV Sinbad~ Was this how Hina and Drakon felt when they looked at their wives before they got together? Just seeing Mori enter the halls of the White Capricorn Tower made his heart swell. And hearing their voice? Well, he was starting to understand why Ja'far had been so upset with him since they returned from Balbadd. Even seeing Mori dressed androgynously didn't shake his feelings -though it was a bit jarring after how they dressed for the Announcement. It just cemented that what he felt wasn't simply based on how Mori presented. They were undeniably the most beautiful person in the world to him now.

After going through more options than necessary, the first thing the Dungeon Capturer managed to say to Mori was, "I'm happy to see you're feeling better."

"Yes. And thank you for visiting me while I was resting." Mori's smile made him feel at peace. Seeing them up close confirmed that they cut their bangs some. "But never enter my room without explicit permission again." Their sharper tone pierced him repeatedly with each sentence. "That includes the bird by the way. If my curtains are closed or I don't answer the door: don't enter my room."

He wore a smile to ease their anger. "Of course. It won't happen again."

Even as Mori accepted his response and left, the King couldn't get his heart to stop racing. Why did there have to be so many large risks of ruining his chances when he already knew she liked him from reading his Fate?

--- ~POV Mori~

As soon as the Assembly was over, I fled to the Black Libra Tower. 'He said he was happy I was better! AND he didn't say anything about about my change of gender expression!' Sinbad said all of two words directly to me and I started short circuiting. I remembered that he offered to move me to his tower -the one he sleeps in???- and immediately went on the defensive. I was not as ready as I thought!! I was going to need my favorite hyperfixation to survive the rollercoaster I was trapped on. And if it didn't exits yet, then I was going to reinvent it myself! It would be relatively easy to make a printing press since this fanfic was in English instead of whichever Arabic language was the region's canonical one, or Japanese like the series was originated in. Both require significantly more characters than English, and some kanji can be too intricate to make with this world's current level of technology. Speaking of which, this world had stamps and seals so this next level of printing shouldn't be too crazy of a change. I took some print making classes in high school and college, so I got to use a few different scale printing presses. I knew enough to draft prototypes. I excelled at typography in college too -so well that the department head signed off on me skipping a few courses so I could get to the high level stuff faster. The typography was digital, but I still learned enough to draft prototypes of stamps and such. ('A shame I couldn't afford higher than an Associates Degrees.) Since I was working on a table in the middle of one of the libraries, people came up to ask me about what I was doing. I gave a brief summary to the latest onlooker, before I pointed to the examples I was drafting. "I see." His voice was familiar but I was too focused to register it. The person moved around the table to read the part I had finished this morning. He made a few sounds of recognition as he read. "Won't spelling out each word every time be a hassle?" "Well, yeah. It's better to have most words premade. And full lines of text can be fused together to make reprinting more issues easier and faster." He pointed to a spot on the parchment. "Ah- that's what this part is then." My eyes were drawn to the glint of his rings. Every cell in my body remade itself as my brain finally acknowledged who was talking to me. "That is convenient." Sinbad's voice was unmistakable now that I was paying attention. I prayed to every God I knew of that my emotions didn't show in my actions or voice. "This might be a new technology here, but you won't have to completely reinvent the wheel thanks to my 'visions.'" I had to focus on my breathing to keep my heart rate down. I was able to keep the conversation moving, but I wasn't sure I would remember it well. I was more focused on not looking like an idiot. We had exchanged greetings at the morning assembly but this was the first time I was talking to him fully sober in days. His polite gestures and this conversation made my heart swell, but he wasn't flirting; he was just existing while being attractive. 'Why did I have to start thinking it could be mutual??? I can't even enjoy it like this!' If anything starts there's going to be an end.

--- ~POV Sinbad~ Sinbad didn't have a 'real' reason for visiting Mori in Black Libra Tower on their first day back, but, as King, there was no one who would question him. Although, Ja'far would come to get him if he's away from his responsibilities for too long. He arrived a bit after lunch to find Mori sitting at a table in the middle of the library where anyone could and did come talk to them. The proof being that they didn't beat an eye at his questions. In fact, it sounded like they had explained about this stamp system multiple times. Mori needed their own office in the tower. He'd make sure they got one asap. As interesting as this new technology was, Sinbad kept finding himself staring at his Beautiful Prophet more. It was hard enough to focus at his own desk -let alone when Mori was right in front of him. Sinbad had heard that acknowledging the feeling makes it stronger, but he wasn't expecting this. Mori tensed for a moment before scooting their chair away from him. He had been leaning closer to them without realizing, and they moved away. How was this the same person that fell asleep holding his hand the previous day? Were they just too tired back then to remember what was going on? Did they think it was a dream? He definitely shouldn't flirt with them while they were this uncomfortable to be around him. Would they even be willing to hold his arm while they walked together? He didn't think so. Sinbad took a moment to ground. Even if Mori had turned into a feral cat or wild rabbit around him, the way they watched him when they thought he wasn't looking was a sign that they wouldn't mind being tamed by him. They had enjoyed his company before; he just needed to remind them of that. The only question was if he could regain Mori's trust before he had to leave for the Kou Empire.

((OMGOSH I did not expect this to take this long. At least a month of that gap was from back-to-back illness too, so it took even longer. My digestive track turned off for 24 hours and took 48 to fully come back online. While I was in recovery I caught a really bad upper raspatory infection that gave me a 103F fever for a week. So of course my period hit me like a freight train a week later. Somehow I was ill the weeks around the holidays and not on them, but it was a still a super rough couple of weeks. I'm better now :D which is why I was able to have the energy to write.

I processed a lot of my emotions while working on these chapters. They're all things I already knew, but consolidating them like this helped me see more of the places they were affecting me, and cement in my head that it is okay to move forward. :D

This arc is 3 chapters long including this one. Since I do have the next 2 written already, I just need to refine them and make the art, so there shouldn't be as long as a break for the next chapter. Like this chapter, they will have scenes of Mori processing their emotions. I needed a lot of time to edit them down a ton since there's obviously things I don't intend to post on the internet, and I want the story to feel good to read chapter to chapter. I've already got the next arc started too. It's a lot of character confrontations that became discarded drafts of earlier arcs, but definitely need to happen now. Since I have those drafts as a basis, I hope to get that arc ready before I finish posting this one. I have another DeadEnd chapter to post, and a few one shots I almost have ready. I've been posting wips and art for for them on patreon, but I won't be posting them here until I have full chapters ready U-U))

#magi prophet fanfic #king sinbad #sinbad magi #magi sinbad #sinbad x oc #magi fanart #sinbadxoc #magi fanfiction

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ilovelawrencee · 5 months

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—> welcome to my world!!

you are probably lost. so i would like to talk a little about myself, and about my hyperfixations.

my name is sammy. my pronouns are he/him, they/them and she/her ( in that order ). and i would appreciate it if you use masculine and neuter pronouns more often.

i am a black and brazilian. and i'm also autistic and monocular ( a visual impairment. it means one of my eyes is blind ). and i talk about this a lot here, so i hope you don't mind.

—> about my profile and my hyperfocus!!

i have hyperfocus on bendy, so most of my drawings and headcanons are related to the game.

sammy lawrence, alice angel and bendy are my favorite characters. so my entire profile will be geared towards them. just like my headcanons.

most of my posts about sammy lawrence involve headcanons.

i rarely post opinions, criticisms or comments that are not related to my favorite games.

i have difficulty understanding the tone of sentences. so please bear with me.

don't be surprised if i draw alice angel or sammy lawrence with different designs at times. i usually draw the fandom version, and my version of the characters ( that's why some of my alice drawings show a black woman, and others show a woman with straight hair, and probably white "batim alice" ).

i usually ship a specific character with several other characters. so don't be surprised if i draw sammy lawrence and henry stein. and then draw sammy lawrence and wally franks ( and i just love them ).

i like joey drew and william afton. so if you hate these characters, you can block me.

i am a writer. so, maybe i'll post a fanfic at some point ( remembering that i accept ideas. and i can write a fanfic about a bendy ship if you want ).

—> about my batim drawings!!

i don't draw gore. but i may draw at some point ( putting a trigger warning for sensitive people ).

i don't draw nsfw, or anything involving adult content.

i usually draw alice angel going through body horror experiences. but nothing too violent.

most of my drawings are about sad characters, or facing depressing moments. because well, batim is an extremely sad game.

o don't know how to color. so most of my drawings will be black and white.

—> about me!!

i don't have much to say. but i want you to know that i design self ships. and that i'm in love with alice angel.

#meet the artist #about my blog #batim #bendy

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thatoneluckybee · 5 months

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Ahem. More Propaganda.

@fruit-gummiees HELLO.

Not So Shoujo Love Story: Rei is unashamedly obsessed with manga, particularly the shoujo genre. She spends her time ignoring real life and schoolwork and dreaming of the day the perfect boy will fall for her, and life becomes perfect! The best part? She knows exactly what everyone’s role is! Hansum Ochinchin (google translate his name <3) is the most adored, hottest boy in school, and Hanna, the most popular girl, will be her love rival! That is… until Hanna professes her love for Rei, and her shoujo dream is thrown for a loop! This Webtoon is really cute and absolutely HILARIOUS I’ve cried from laughing at this. Hanna is a proud and self-proclaimed pervert. The bullies (FOUR-AM!) practice dramatic poses in the bathroom. Rei gets a love rival for Hanna against her will. Hanna’s father is an st avid cosplayer. You never learn what exactly Hansum is, but he can photosynthesize. It’s a wild ride and genuinely so enjoyable I love it.

Homesick: Recommending this one since you’ve read School Bus Graveyard! It’s almost a “sister series” in that the fanbases overlap lots and the creators have done collabs too! Disclaimer that it’s mature for a reason. It covers a lot of dark topics and is a HORROR FOR A REASON. If you do choose to read it I can provide trigger warnings, though it may spoil some plotlines a bit. Rayne (my pfp!) wakes up on a rooftop with no memories at all and meets a boy named Samael, who quickly informs her that it’s the apocalypse. Cannibalistic creatures called murks roam the land, feeding on anything that makes eye contact. Rayne and Samael form a deal to survive, but things get really, REALLY messy when they encounter someone from Samael’s past and get wrapped up in something that might just be worse than the apocalypse. On top of it all, Rayne has noticed some strange things about herself, including terrible headaches that warn her of murks… (It’s so good I love it but good lord it gets dark. I really want to say more about it but the story doesn’t jump right into the main action or plot right away so I CAN’T WITHOUT SPOILING IT SOB.) FULL POST:

Our Walk Home: Fake Hating Trope, that’s it, that’s the description. Suisha Academy and Higasa High School have always been rivals, bitter ones at that. Akihiko Shiraishi is the top student for his age at Suisha. He’s the perfect student: charming, polite, smart, athletic, and kind to everyone. In reality… my poor guy is the most anxious little mess with no idea what he’s doing. Worst of all, he’s now being forced into the role of “rival” to Harumi Kurose, top student of Higasa, cold, terrifying, and maybe just enough to defeat Shiraishi. When we meet him, though, he is also literally just some guy, and neither really care about the “rivalry,” so they become fast friends. Whenever they’re with classmates, they’ll have to keep up the masks or golden boy and ice prince who hate each other, but when they’re just walking home, it’s a breath of fresh air to both. But if anyone else outside of school found out, their lives will become a living hell and be ruined forever… maybe this rivalry is a bit too intense. (Still int he early stages but this one is cute!)

Deathsitter: In this cutesy, cartoony, Easter-themed world, dying is a business. Beings called Reapers work tirelessly to ensure YOUR loved ones have a nice death! Felix, described as a “deadbeat drug addict with seemingly supernatural luck,” can’t stop annoying the life out of the local reaper, Lloyd, every time he nearly overdoses. Lloyd himself is an ever-busy, stressed-as-heck single father, and due to unfortunate circumstance and flakey relatives, must rely on Felix as a babysitter. The only rule? DO. NOT. OPEN. HIS. DAUGHTER’S. DOOR. Yeah Felix screws up immediately and thus ensues one the most chaotic, tragic, and comedic series of events as he reaps (ha ha) the consequences of his actions. It’s amazing. Definite trigger warning for violence, language, drug use, and blood/gore (I’m a squeamish person so it’s not bad + anything is all the cutesy pastel style lol.) FULL POST:

Castle Swimmer: Can’t reveal TOO much of this ‘cause spoilers but it’s a really really good story. In this society of “Mers” (merfolk), every kingdom has long awaited the day a mysterious, mythical being known as the Beacon arrives. He will grant each kingdom’s prophecy, be that granting them fortune or saving their lives. When the Beacon arrives, though, turns out he’s literally just some guy named Kappa who has no idea what he’s doing. Siren is the prince of the shark kingdom. The kingdom of the sharks have a curse that will cause them to suffer and become covered in scars and eventually die. The only way they can break the curse is whenever the Beacon arrives—and Siren, as predicted, will kill him. The only problem is that Siren REALLY doesn’t want to be a murderer, and Kappa REALLY doesn’t want to die, and they both are pining HARD. It’s a super entertaining series. There’s a bunch of evil witches who feel guilty if you get them a gift and they don’t get you one back. There’s a sea bunny. Kappa’s only weak spot, romantically, is teeth. There’s living sponges. There’s a Jellyfish who’s dream is to Kill. It’s glorious.

School Bus Graveyard: Ashlyn Banner is happy as a loner. Socializing is tired, and people are loud, which hurts because she has extra-sensitive hearing. Because of this, she hears “phantom noises,” or auditory hallucinations. She doesn’t plan to change, until two cousins move to school, and the MOST extraverted child on earth, Aiden Clark, decides to befriend her no matter what. She unfortunately gets partnered with him for a school project (as well as Ben, Aiden’s silent and reserved cousin, Logan, a sweet but shy nerdy kid, Tyler, a short-tempered jock character, and Taylor, Tyler’s twin sister who is so sweet and so amazing.) Everything is fine until one wrong stop causes the six to begin visiting a terrifying world in their sleep, and they begin fighting for their lives against monstrous entities whenever they sleep. (SO GOOD.)

#webtoon propaganda #fambles #not so shoujo love story #homesick webtoon #webtoon #school bus graveyard #sbg #our walk home #our walk home webtoon #castle swimmer #deathsitter webtoon

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bubblyaquarium · 6 months

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「 ଳ The Aquarium ଳ 」

system of 30 || quoigenic || pd affected bodily 22 || white || uses he/it collectively

our system functions less as distinct people and more like variations of the same core(for the most part). we each have our own identities and names, but we aren't drastically different. our switches are usually pretty subtle and we blur a lot. because of that we usually can't tell who is who.

we're not going to bother with a dni list, we'll avoid or block those who make us uncomfortable. we do ask that any nsfw/kink accounts to not interact with us. we are pro-endo.

pfp by this lovely artist

our members (yes all 30 of us)

○ Corci ○ he/him ○ 22 ○ host/buffer ○ our default state, and the one that's closest to how we present irl. just a chill dude with a poor grasp on emotions and approximately zero motivation to do anything.

○ Angel ○ any pronouns ○ 22 ○ host ○ the social headmate that's very queer and very narcissistic. tends to front at work, and cares way too much about what people think. very bubbly and optimistic.

○ Circus ○ ze/click/any neos ○ 22 ○ host ○ chaotic clown boy, holds a lot of our adhd symptoms. doesn't care about much outside of our hyperfixations and like three people. tends to front around friends or when triggered out by our interests being mentioned.

○ Chloe ○ she/they ○ 17 ○ ex-host/anxiety holder/peacemaker ○ the responsible one, also our first host. gets anxious easily and can't stand conflict. big sister energy.

○ Sian ○ he/him ○ mid 20s ○ soother ○ pretty boy. one of our most frequent fronters. in charge of calming us down, also helps handle new or stressful situations. big music lover.

○ Inky ○ it/they/xe ○ 18 ○ ex-host ○ eccentric genderless teen. does its best enjoys life to the fullest but is super depressed. loves funky earrings and wearing way too much eyeliner.

○ Gray ○ they/he ○ 19 ○ romanticizer ○ hopeless romantic, sees the world through rose tinted glasses. loves music and tiktok and being outside. acts as if he's the main character in a coming of age novel.

○ ??? ○ ??? ○ ??? ○ ??? ○ resident witch, has been here for a couple years now. we mixed them up with inky as they're very similar, and are currently trying to figure out who they are still. they don't have a name yet, but for now we call them inky 2.

○ Chaos ○ he/it ○ 22 ○ protector/persecutor ○ edgy dick but we all love him. pretty aggressive and standoffish, doesn't like or trust 90% of people. constantly craving cigarettes even though the body doesn't smoke.

○ Mirror ○ she/gore ○ 20 ○ protector/trauma holder ○ the yandere anime girl stereotype if it was traumatized and also not a girl. a bit blunt but has a big heart. very romantic.

○ Rocky ○ he/him ○ 14 ○ anger holder ○ sulky teenage boy with poor social skills. would fight god just for the hell of it.

○ Delilah ○ she/her ○ 16 ○ trauma holder ○ soft girl that cries over everything. can't handle any stress or conflict and will apologize a hundred times if she thinks you're mad at her. clingy af.

○ Breeze ○ no pronouns ○ ageless ○ positive emotion holder ○ happy-go-lucky dryad. a bit of a hippie. lives mostly in our headspace.

○ Buttercream ○ she/her ○ ageless ○ trauma holder/persecutor ○ musicative of a source we won't disclose. she's not really allowed on here for our own comfort. she's very girly and loves anything frilly and pink.

○ Zee ○ xe/it ○ 15 ○ role unknown ○ nonbinary zombie popstar. very hyperactive, can't sit still when xe fronts. likes to change our layouts.

○ Jay ○ he/him ○ mid 20s ○ moodbooster ○ an absolute gremlin. dear god he is feral. goes batshit over anything sweet. will not shut up when he co-cons.

○ Jett ○ he/him ○ mid 20s ○ no role ○ jay's boyfriend. pretty much the opposite of his partner, he's quiet and keeps to himself. seems to only speak around jay or his other sourcemates.

○ Ren ○ he/him ○ mid 20s ○ soother ○ our resident soft boy. loves flowers, oversized hoodies, and iced coffee. absolutely hates to front. flower lover.

○ Ro ○ he/any ○ 20 ○ no role ○ sassy homosexual. his ideal night is lounging around drinking wine and complaining to himself.

○ Dio ○ he/him ○ 16-18 ○ no role ○ angry and dramatic teenager. yells a lot and that's pretty much it.

○ Ty ○ he/it/thing ○ 24 ○ emotion processor ○ feels everything at 100% and isn't afraid to be open about it. its motto is fuck gender roles and fuck society.

○ Wyatt ○ he/him ○ 20s ○ fragment ○ quiet, keeps to himself mostly. co-cons with jay.

○ Lenny ○ he/him ○ 20s ○ fragment ○ chatty and loud. co-cons with jay.

○ Sunny ○ he/him ○ 20s ○ fragment ○ if summer was a person. handles dysphoria. energetic and boyish, likes to be loud.

○ Marky ○ he/him ○ 20s ○ fragment ○ fronts very rarely. positive dude, good in social situations. frat boy vibes.

○ Johnny ○ he/they ○ 20s ○ fragment/protector ○ chill, laidback guy. the big brother of the system.

○ Dove ○ he/him ○ 20s ○ fragment ○ a type of soother, also holds religious guilt. rarely ever is near front.

○ Leo ○ he/ne/silly ○ agehazy ○ moodbooster ○ cheerful boy. his job is to remind us to focus on the positive in life. is currently dormant.

if you'd like to get to know us more our sp is @/thebubblyaquaruim

Pfp created by this lovely artist

#sysblr #dissociative system #osdd #plural #plurality #plural system #plural community #songtive #musicative #pinned intro #intro post #introject #factive #osdd 1a #osdd system #actually osdd #system

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aroacesigma · 10 months

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hello my name is kai, i use he/xe prns, im a minor . please read this before you follow.

Usual DNI/BYF list (bigots) and also if you ship anything weird (s*lki, th*rki, od*zai, kyouka x atsushi etc.) . Also dni hardcore Loki series or mcu Wanda fans. thats for ur own good im a hater

shouldve added this earlier but if you are a zionist, think that "both sides have a point", or regularly reblog from zionist blogs, DNI . i cannot truly express how much i despise people like you. free palestine 🇵🇸

i do occasionally vent on here, block #vent if you dont want to see that, i still trigger tag accordingly though so if anything specific is blocked that probably will be too

note: on the shipping thing, i dont care what your stance on shipping discourse is frankly. i mean dni if you ship adult minor or incest stuff, and that is non negotiable . also a few there that i just hate

art sideblog: @gratielalovebot (on Instagram too)

stuff i like + tagging system under the cut !!

Stuff i actually talk about on here:

bsd (too much) especially sigma (far too much) , manga and anime

on that note my favourite characters are sigma, dazai, chuuya, nikolai and oda, and my favourite ships are sigzai, skk and fyolai (last one is on thin fucking ice after 109)

have i mentioned i love sigma . i really love sigma . he is everything to me .

once again . on that note i literally do not shut up about my favourite headcanon of sigma being transmasc , so if you dont like that maybe dont

Rain world currently !!! Having a Moment over five pebbles I love his bitch ass dearly

marvel comics (especially wanda and also the xmen though im not particularly caught up right now)

my faves in that is really just wanda i love her dearly . this is not a safe space for mcu wanda stans you will be blocked on sight . this is however a safe space for people who love the gratiela fancast bc shes the best actually

yknow what i know this is stuff i like but just a warning while i am currently fixated on bsd if someone gets me started on how much i hate that godamn loki show i will go on a rant . i hate it . so much . so so so much .

I also like a bunch of other stuff and will rt stuff about it occasionally (like toh and agents of shield) but if its not on this list im not currently being consumed by an obsession with it so maybe dont follow me for it

ok yknow what extra stuff i like but am not hyperfixating on currently

the owl house

agents of shield (daisy johnson my beloved)

riordanverse (ALEX FIERRO MY BELOVED)

tag system:

[character/ship] - general stuff about said character/ship

[character/ship] fanart - i feel like this is obvious

[media] / [media] fanart - if theres too many characters im not bothered to tag , or if the post is general

ramblings - my original posts . its all bullshit . most of its rambling about which characters i think are trans . repetitively .

asks - also self explanatory

[username] - if youve sent me an ask and i answered it on web , xkit tagged it with your username

save - stuff that was important enough to save for later or fanart that i particularly liked

#pinned #ramblings #sigma #asks

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experiment14-12 · 3 months

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I'm just gonna go on a rant real quick, on

Why 2021 - 2024 are the Worst Years of my Life

TRIGGER WARNING: May contain references of violence, and illness. The reader's discretion is advised.

Ever since March 13th of 2020, about 4 years ago, the world has gone downhill because of the fear of death. The Coronavirus ruined everything. I'll give you my rundown.

In 2020, COVID kicked everyone's ass. The USA was quarantined for two weeks. Toilet paper was vanishing left and right. Everyone stayed home for what seemed like forever.

In 2021, Friday Night Funkin' became the hot new thing. I made two new blogs. I met @oogaboogaspookyman for the first time, and his actions will forever change how I see things, for the better. My boyfriend moved away to another state, so we had to part ways. My negligent sister (she was living with me, my brother and my mom at the time) whom I will call Jessica, has finally moved out of our house. Things were going great for the first 10 months, but then December 5th came. My mom was diagnosed with COVID. Now, WE had to stay home for 2 MORE weeks. My narcissistic sister (who only had 1 kid at the time) whom I will call Karen, stayed with us. Everyone was trapped in their rooms. I had my own, my brother had HIS own, my sister and her son shared one, my mom had her own, you know the drill. It was kind of cool, staying home for 2 weeks, finally having my own room after a decade of sharing one with at least one of my brothers. It felt like I could do anything without anyone looking. We were quarantined, so why not? Once the quarantine was lifted, it was already Christmastime, and we only had a week to shop. After the quarantine was lifted, I felt my first case of derealization. Words cannot describe how awful it felt. Everything was blurry, but... not blurry... at the same time. It felt like everything was shifting, but not moving. I remembered myself standing in my room, feeling really weirded out and scared that everything was losing its form. Then, it stopped. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

In 2022, Sonic.EXE became popular again. I finally got a Meta Quest 2 VR headset. Karen officially moved in with us. That was her first mistake. She should've just stayed with my drunk-as-all-hell dad who lived next door. I was introduced to Ori and the Blind Forest. I loved it. It became my favorite game. Then, what clicked in my head, verified me as... a furry. That just made matters worse. People at school made fun of/bullied me for being an "EwW fUrRy WhY dOn't YoU cHoOsE a DiFfErEnT pAtH???" I became more violent as time went on. Why are people like this? Why do people call someone out for the stupidest reasons?

In 2023, I was invited to the dark side of the moon. New peeps in the world (and my house) so my two sisters, Karen, and another who I will call Georgia, had kids. Georgia and her boyfriend were driven out of their house by roaches, so they moved with us. Both of my sisters became greedy little shit stains. Now, we have 3 maggots running around the house. I suffered through my second case of derealization. This time, I'm sharing a room with my brother yet again. I hate it. But, I'm sure glad I have a Wii again. My hyperfixation is now Night in the Woods again. We went camping. It was fun. It was... fine...

Now, 2 months ago, my aunt, who I will call Dorothy, passed away due to an overdose. This rocked me to my core. Rest in peace, aunt Dorothy. The house, in shambles. My sanity, running low. Poppy Playtime Chapter 3 came out. I now have a new hyperfixation: the Smiling Critters. Things were not looking good.

It is now March 4th, 2024. I feel like absolute shit. I have too many assignments and projects to catch up on. My life is becoming more and more similar to Mae Borowski's.

I now know how @thelonelyfeline feels.

My life is starting to become the vibes of this song.

#Spotify

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lunarsilkscreen · 6 months

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FF/Nier/PSO/DR. WHO/DRAKEN GUARD/Chrono Trigger--Connection

The ultimate theory of everygame.

I got this idea from watching an FFXIII stream where they were killing shoopuffs from FFX (Tortoises)

Which links those two worlds together via shoopuff.

In FFXIII, the humans are living in/on an artificial planet called cocoon. Which could be thought of as a moon to the inhabitants of Gaia. Which there aren't any until they come down from the moon to escape persecution.

Because life was good in cocoon, why leave. The "Gods here" protect and feed us. (kind of an artificial Eden.)

But what's interesting is that, a second uninhabited planet isn't a foreign concept to the FF series. In FFIX they call it the "Red Moon". And "artificial humans" reside in it. They look like Saiyans, without the super technically they can go super Saiyan, but the regular humans can do it too. So I don't know if there's a difference like in DBZ.

There's a lot of lore connecting the Red Planet and Gaia, non as much as in the movie "Spirits Within" which said that the inhabitants of the red planet (which were monstrous in comparison to humans) were actually human souls from earth. And the whole plot of the movie is a war between the humans and the red planet.

Except for the main character "Aki Ross". Who has constant dreams about the red planet. Except there's a sort of "minority report" thing going on where they monitor your dreams, just in case you're being "mind controlled " by the moon people.

So she understandably erases the records of her dreams, and starts pursuing a "reunification route". Which was just allowing those human souls to return to earth, and to not continue hostilities, which were kind of started by earth as a form of self-defense.

To which she also becomes a villain in her own home, but the real villain is the General Hein. Who ends up trying to blow up the entire red planet. And pursues this with hyperfixation, because he doesn't believe there can be another way with a being he can't communicate with.

In Neir 1, the humans are affected with the "black scrawl" (the flood from Dr. Who on Mars) and humans try to figure out a way to save the affected humans, while also trying to create a kind quarantine for the infected individuals)

In Neir:A we learn that the humans were sent away to the moon. And the Androids believe this to be the actual moon. But the robots, and the Androids continually keep being infected with a kind of virus said to come from the black scrawl itself. Which is why the Android Team keeps creating new Androids as a replacement. Because if they can all be infected, then they'll all infect the human population when they eventually return too.

But it turns out, in the game, the "virus" is built into the Androids core (their black boxes, which they share with the machines)

Here's the Theory; the "Moon" they were sent to was to the "Red Planet". And the humans didn't leave that info behind so that anything left on the planet wouldn't know.

Now I connected Dr. who in here, somehow. (So maybe it's just a coincidence) but what about the other stuff? Well we already know the black scrawl comes from drakenguard. That's the premise of Nier 1.

And the black scrawl infects both humans AND machines. Just like the villain from PSO: Dark Falz (Fals? Falls? False?) (Wait. Does DFV stand for Dark False Value? Like, a null value? Or like a bit that can switch from false? Like viruses and malware tend to do?)

What does that also sound similar too? Demise and The switch Zelda Games Gannon? Are the chosen ones *also* robots?

But here's the thing, The FFXIII earthlings aren't *actually* from Cocoon. They were from earth, they were put into stasis from *before*. Something that happened to a lot of humans left stranded in Nier one. And the waking up of humans to reunite their bodies with their *souls* created replicants. Or cloned humans with their own souls, memories, and consciousness.

A big portion of the ending was accepting that for humanity to continue, was to let the replicants, to continue to exist. Because trying to revive themselves, trying to live forever just meant them fighting against their "replicants" or rather "humanity's children".

But a visitor from Drakenguard, an Android, Accord, undoes the choice Nier made, because Kaine couldn't let him go. (If you get the "good" ending, your save file gets erased. But then you unlock a secret bonus game from the Nier:Replicant remake which undoes that decision.

Because neither could live in a world without the other.)

This is why I'm Nier:A Emil is left alone without anybody. (His head kinda looks like the Moon from Majora's Mask, doesn't it?)

So now there's this cocoon that travels to the dark reaches of the galaxy and isn't always visible to the telescoped eye on earth, and that planets name in the Phantasm Star Series? RykRos.

What other cataclysmic event forces humanity to this moon?

Lavos, deemed an "alien parasite" responsible for all the evil in the world. And responsible for the end of the world, per the future timeline in Chrono cross.

What else exists in Chrono Trigger? Time gates. Where did these time gates come from? They were created by the Goddess Etro which is explained during the events of FFXIII-2, and used by Hope with the "hopes" of reuniting with Lightning (his mentor and mother figure on FFXIII-1.)

What ends up happening is a null timeline is created, which Lighting ends up herding all the leftover souls from that timeline, to a new one which is possibly earth, thanks to Lightning cutting a deal with Louis Vuitton as spokesperson and model. But I'm not so sure about that.

PSO2 is a video game in the Earth that the heros travel to which is supposed to represent the "real world" as well. And in our real world, both PSO2 AND Lightning are not *real* places and people. As far as I know.

So it must be an alternate earth, and who's to say they aren't connected?

Who's to say their souls weren't trapped into some giant computer that simulates earth? The main *not villain* of that particular PSO2 chapter is a being called "Mother". And the only other time we see a "Mother" is the "Mother Brain" both present in PS2 and Super Metroid.

Lightning in "Lightning Returns" was shown to have a personal battle herself, being split into two characters; Her logical side, controlled by Bhunivelze, who wants to scrap humanity, and her emotional side, influenced by the Goddess Etro, who wants to save humanity as it is.

What if; Lightning was separated in twain by the Black scrawl, and that's why her counterpart "Lumina" is distinct. What if, Lumina is a Replicant, and Lightning is what's left of her logical soul.

Just like Nier in Nier 1.

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ilikecheeseandchocolatee · 1 month

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Minor vent. Read tags before the vent.

So I’m just kinda dejectedly sad right now because I just realized how big the difference is between me and my sister. I love her to bits and I love her to the end of the world but sometimes I’m so angry at her and sometimes I’m jealous of her, which doesn’t even make sense because it’s not like she has it any better than I do.

But she deals with it so differently to me. She can wake up cranky and yell at my mom for every minor inconvenience and have her every need catered to because otherwise she lashes out hard, and she can still do the things she needs to. She has an endless list of triggers and she can STILL function better than me. Me who has to construct intricate plans just to get myself out of bed, just to open my textbook, just to coax my brain into doing things I like and enjoy doing. I have to wake up and immediately practise happiness and gratitude or my day goes to shit, and she can wake up and immediately snap at multiple people and still get shit done. I have to take fucking 30 milligrams of antidepressants everyday and i STILL can’t study, she hasn’t even been to a competent psychologist yet and gets no help whatsoever but still can spend hours each day studying subjects she doesn’t even like. She HATES math, and I LOVE math, but she’s been doing a lot more math than me lately. I’m encouraging her to please please come to me any time she has a math question just so I can explain it to her and perhaps remind my lazy brain that I fucking love this subject. But it doesn’t help when I can’t get myself to get off my bed until 3pm, and most of the day is over and I can’t bring myself to shower just because that day was supposed to be Wash Hair day but I hate washing my hair so I just. Don’t shower, not even just my body. And like that I go 3 days without showering until my brain remembers that at least just body is better than nothing. My sister showers almost everyday and she’s not even getting help for her mental health.

I wish I could function like her. Yesterday I ended up accidentally revealing to her a section of my suicidal urges and she got so concerned that she made me watch this fluff drama she thinks I’ll like and let me play my ukulele while watching, which is something she doesn’t like otherwise. She doesn’t like it when there are other sounds when we’re watching something but yesterday she consciously knew that I was playing ukulele while watching and she just let me do it. I only realized I was doing it when she noticed me suddenly stop when there was a dramatic beat drop in the show. She literally tried her best just to get me out of bed, brush my teeth, eat something, just so I could try functioning, and she doesn’t need any of that help herself. And it’s not like she isn’t struggling because she IS, she has so many triggers and keeps insisting that she’s not autistic even tho multiple professionals have suggested an autism assessment. She has so many sensory issues and she can still function so much better than I can.

That’s another thing, I don’t think I’d call it a hyperfixation but I’m currently super obsessed with Thailand and Thai culture and it’s been like that for over a year now, and despite all that I can’t bring myself to consume Thai media that I actually fucking like a lot. Meanwhile, after I introduced her to Thai dramas she’s watched like over 50 dramas and she didn’t even like most of them but she can still watch that much and meanwhile there’s me, I’ll probably like anything and everything Thai that I consume but I barely watch things, barely read things, I can kinda speak basic words and sentences now but that’s it that’s the extent of my Thainess. I love Thai dramas so much but I think I’ve maybe watched like 6 of those. That’s literally it. And I really fucking like them. And like. I can’t do things I like anymore, meanwhile she’s doing things that she likes AND she’s doing things that she needs to do.

My sister can cook. She’s two years younger than me, has a billion sensory issues, and SHE can cook and I can’t. And a few years ago I was on a Wikipedia binge and realized there’s something called Mageirocophobia which is phobia of cooking and realized that wait shit. THATS what it’s been. Because it’s not just heat it’s even processes that don’t require heat that I completely freak out doing and I was hating myself. And I guess I still hate that I can’t cook. I’m a legal adult now and I can’t cook. A few days ago my sister was teaching me how to make fried egg, and I had a complete meltdown and started crying because i couldn’t crack an egg. AN. EGG. Like it’s not even that I couldn’t do it, I stood there panicking for at least 15 minutes trying to get myself to just TRY cracking an egg, and eventually my legs went wobbly and my ears went blank and I was sitting on the ground because I was dizzy, and then when I finally got myself to just TRY cracking the goddamn egg, i started crying and couldn’t stop for ages. I felt so so stupid and the entire time my sister was compassionate with me. This morning I heated milk for myself and I was so proud of myself for literally heating milk for myself. It’s not even cooking it’s literally just heating this white liquid. I can do math and advanced calculus but I can’t fucking crack an egg. And it’s so demotivating.

I’m so tired of being more unable to take care of myself than my literal younger sister. I feel so incompetent sometimes. What’s the point of being so book smart if I can’t function like a regular person. My mom is so stressed about my state right now, I can’t even bring myself to tell her I need to see a doctor because I need to reevaluate my dosage and also talk about the fact that I missed my period this month for the first time in ages, and the last time I missed periods was when my mental health was supremely shit. She’s stressed enough about a ton of other things that are too complicated to get into in this vent, and my dad isn’t here so until my dad gets back there isn’t much I can do without my mom knowing about it. And I’m supposed to be the responsible one while my dad is gone, because he knows my mom has issues and he has no choice but to go and I take after him so I know how to keep her calm so it’s on me but I can barely take care of MYSELF and my sister is having to take care of ME and she’s literally younger than me and she’s not even a legal adult yet.

I wish I didn’t have to depend on my little sister for so many things and I wish I could function like she does and I wish I could be what my family needs me to be instead of someone who stays on the bed doing absolutely nothing.

And then there’s my mutuals you’re all so nice to me and think I’m such a wonderful person and everything and sometimes I can’t bear it because there’s nothing remarkable about me other than the fact that I have a billion problems. All my friends act like they’re so glad to have me as a friend and my best friends love me so much and I don’t understand. How anyone can feel like that about me. If I were someone else I’d probably like being friends with me but only because being able to help others with their mental health makes me feel better about myself. Except that I can’t even do that anymore. I’ve barely talked to my friends in ages and I miss them but I can’t bring myself to talk to them because it’s really obvious how badly I’m doing lately and I don’t want MORE people to be stressed about me. I’ve already stressed out my mom and sister enough. My dad knows I’m not doing well but I can’t tell him much either because it won’t do for him to be stressed where he is right now.

Sigh this ended up not being a minor vent after all. As usual. It’s almost like every time I sit and let my feelings out they just tumble out all at once. Maybe that’s good. I haven’t journaled in way too long which has resulted in my memory issues going to shit even worse. At this point I don’t even know how I’m going to face all my teachers back at school because they’ll be expecting great things from me, they’ll be expecting me to be rejuvenated and energetic again after all this time off, and they’ll expect me to do fantastic at my exams just like they expect me to. And meanwhile my memory is so bad that I forgot all about further maths until right now literally a month from my first exam and I haven’t studied a single part of it. Not a single part of further maths in the entire time I’ve been off school. And I have a month left to sort out my shit. Further maths is supposed to be a subject that’s difficult to get an A in even with 2 whole years of studying. My official predicted grade is A but I know my teachers are expecting me to get an A* because apparently they just have that much faith in me. I don’t know if I can face them in a couple of weeks when I show up and they ask me how I’m doing and I’ll have to be like yeah. I don’t know shit about your subject. I’m sorry. And they’re so so nice to me but what can I do about the fact that I literally have not been functioning for the past few months.

I’ll probably even end up seeing my ex there because my luck is just that horrendous. And at first I was planning to be so goddamn good at my subjects that I’d destroy him in revision sessions but now I just feel stupid. And he got an offer from fucking Oxford university. I was so ready to beat him at everything and prove that I was more worthy of that offer even if it was just proving to myself. But now I see why I’m not worthy of it. My absolute love and passion for my subjects can’t motivate me enough to get out of bed, of course I wouldn’t survive Oxford. And if he sees me and sees me be shit at everything that’s just gonna make him feel better about himself which he does NOT deserve. Okay admittedly he got a lot of shit that does deserve. But he did not deserve that Oxford offer. He’s literally not even gonna go to Oxford he’s literally rejecting them. He just applied for the heck of it. He did NOT deserve that offer. Ugh and I have to face him probably.

Have I mentioned yet that I’m not looking forward to heading back to the UK.

I’m not looking forward to heading back to the UK. At all. And I hope to never associate with that school ever again after my exams are done.

So this ended up being not so much of a minor vent. I think the fact that I’m literally now resorting to Tumblr Decree just to help me get started and get in the flow, that says a lot about my mental state. I’ve tried everything I can think of and now I’m just hoping the notes thing becomes the reason I start functioning again. In like 24 hours people have already passed the first three milestones which means I should AT LEAST finish astrophysics by the end of the day and possibly try emailing my teacher about The Thing. Tomorrow I should finish the rest of physics. If people reach 800 by tomorrow I’ll also just skim over math real quick. Math shouldn’t be as much of a problem as Further Maths. Sigh I just. Need to get my head in the game. Get that textbook open and just read a couple of sentences just to start off. I just need to read a couple of sentences. A couple of sentences is better than no sentences. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS

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moved-new-acc-in-pinned · 5 months

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pinned post finally!!

hi! I’m aster, this is my reblog and general silliness account. My pronouns are she/her

Fandoms I post about: Rain World, Supernatural

Hyperfixations (please feel free to talk to me about them!!): Supernatural, Gilmore girls

^my proudest work.

- my tags:

#hunter tag - posts about hunter from rain world!!

#fictional man posting - pure, unedited thoughts about my giant crush on my favorite fictional man

#piranha tag - rivulet x hunter posts!

Before you follow:

I sometimes vent on here, and most of the time they will be tagged with #vent, only exceptions being if they stuff they contain is very minor and hard for it to really be considered a vent

I usually tag things with #[thing] or #tw [thing], although if it’s something that could majorly be triggering, I will do all possible filter variations I can think of.

Proship DNI

I block pretty freely, please don’t take it as you’ve done something wrong if I block you, I just block people for my own comfort.

My beloved mutuals (Hi!hi!hello!hi!hi!):

@ssagesaurus, @stupidscav, @mildateo

You clicked the read more, so here is my deepest secret. The name of the fictional man I am currently obsessing over.

#Pinned

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tabsters · 3 months

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Tell me more about Ciara 👀 I noticed that in some of your previous posts about the TZE zodiac, they had bios with their age, ethnicity, title, a bit of backstory, etc. Does Ciara have something similar, or is that kept mostly under wraps for spoiler reasons? Either way, gimme any Ciara lore you want to! Go wild :D -hands you the sword of infodumping-

YOOOOOOOOOO INFODUMP ABOUT MY GIRL TIME *takes sword of infodumping*

ciara was originally intended to be a secret when i made those zodiac bios, but that was because i was trying to figure out her character as a whole, hence the whole secretiveness. but now that i have in fact figured out her character as a whole, here is the complete infodump!

GATHER ROUND CHILDREN @mythicalmagical-monkeyman @hyperfixation-tangentopia @maiawhimsicalt @cryptidwithaninternetconnection TIS TIME FOR LORE

AND ALSO TRIGGER WARNINGS: MURDER, SUICIDE, AND GENERAL DEATH! THESE TOPICS ARE ONLY DISCUSSED IN THE BACKSTORY PART OF CIARA'S INFODUMP, SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP AHEAD!

full name: Ciara Linh Phuong

ethnicity: Vietnamese-American

death age: 15

ruling zodiac: gemini

design at the beginning of TZE and design at the time that i imagine the crossover fic takes place:

Backstory:

aight so the deal with ciara, as i have hinted throughout SLM, is that she is the reincarnation of eclipse's dead sister. and you might be asking yourself, eclipse??? the god that created the Zodiacs and constellations??? the one that is singlehandedly responsible for taking perfectly good human souls and turning them into monsters??? that insane bitch???

yep. that eclipse.

eclipse's backstory is a whole other can of worms, something that i am definitely keeping secret, but it is vital in understanding ciara's backstory. eclipse, as we all know, hails from the Abyss, the dimension that exists below the mortal realm. i did a whole lore dump on that a loooooooong time ago, and it is here. eclipse had an older sister who she adored, named chrysalis, and when she made her escape to the Astral Plane after murdering her father in an attempt to usurp the throne, she basically kidnapped chrysalis and took her with her.

needless to say, chrysalis was not too happy with this. so she decided that, instead of living in a world where her beloved sister became a cruel tyrant, killed herself. her soul went to the in-between (post about the in-between here), and was assumed by eclipse to be lost. eclipse grieved, but did in fact get over her sister's death and began to focus on creating this new dimension in her image.

(if you're wondering on what eclipse did with chrysalis' dead body, you needn't fret! eclipse used chrysalis' orichalcum to produce ophiuchus and cetus, aka, the very first attempts at creating Zodiacs! and the reason why ophiuchus and cetus are considered 'mistakes' in eclipse's eyes was because she used her sister's blood to make them! chrysalis is considered an 'albino taiju', meaning that she has health defects and is weaker magically than other taiju. these magical defects then transferred to ophiuchus and cetus, who are now unable to create their own magic! this also means that ophiuchus and cetus are indelibly linked to both ciara and eclipse!)

fast forward a couple millenia or so, and it comes to eclipse's attention that, no, her sister's soul was in fact not lost in the in-between. chrysalis' soul had in fact reincarnated into a human, and since chrysalis was a taiju (info on taijus in the abyss lore post), eclipse thought it impossible that a taiju's soul could reincarnate into a human's body.

it was in fact not impossible, and the result of chrysalis reincarnating into a human body is the one, the only, ciara! who is now eternally doomed by the narrative! hooray!

when ciara was a mortal, she had no idea of her powers, because she was essentially a human egg waiting to hatch into a taiju bird during her mortal lifetime. this proverbial hatching of her taiju powers occurred once she died and her soul was transferred to the Astral Plane—and even then, it took several months in the Astral Plane for even the slightest hint of her powers to show themselves.

so what does this mean, plot-wise? ciara has the same powers as eclipse, that being the ability to generate shockwaves, shields, and portals. her powers are augmented by the necklace she wears, as it contains a chunk of the crystal used to power eclipse's scythe. she is, however, noticeably much weaker than eclipse, which is understandable since she is literally still a teenager. most of the plot of TZE is ciara trying to figure out how to wield her new powers while also simultaneously trying to stop her sister(?).

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT HER BACKSTORY, TIME TO MOVE ON TO MUCH LIGHTER TOPICS.

Personality: i based ciara a lot off of what i acted like when i was younger: snarky, rough around the edges, a bit of a bitch, but a good heart underneath it all. she's gone through some shit, but always tries to come out of it a better person. she genuinely wants to do the right thing, and this shows through her actions in trying to stop eclipse. she feels many of her emotions very strongly, mostly anger, sadness, and fear, but also happiness.

Relationship with the Zodiacs:

Very Positive: Aries, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, and Scorpio. gemini is the one who volunteers to house and train ciara in the art of fighting, and as the plot goes on, gemini learns to accept ciara as a part of her family, sort of like her younger sister. cancer is a very fatherly figure, especially to younger children, and readily accepted ciara into his makeshift family. aries, virgo, and scorpio were much colder towards ciara, but she managed to break through to them and eventually befriend them, and now they are her ride-or-die.

Positive: Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius. these three are ciara's other teachers, and they teach her in the various arts of theater, archery, and science. she admires and looks up to all of them, which makes some of their (*cough* leo *cough*) eventual betrayals all the more hurtful.

Neutral: Taurus, Libra. they just never really got a chance to interact with one another, which is unfortunate, but these two aren't really that important to ciara's personal character development.

Negative: Capricorn. ciara and capricorn initially got off on the wrong foot; capricorn was supposed to be ciara's teacher in strategy and tactics, but ciara (who was raised by a mother figure very similar to capricorn's stern demeanor) refused to listen to or comply with her new teacher's harsh demands. eventually, though, ciara realizes the importance of having someone like capricorn to teach and instruct her, and then starts to make amends with her.

Very Negative: Pisces. ciara never liked pisces from the start; she found him exceedingly creepy, and pisces viewed ciara as an intriguing new specimen to observe. however, some of ciara's suspicions later turn out to be true...

Godhunter:

the name of her cool-ass sword. in fact, it is this sword that kick-starts the entire plot of TZE; eclipse sent ciara on a noble quest to collect ingredients from all over the Astral Plane in order to enchant the sword and make it uber-powerful. eclipse's reason for this quest is...sinister, to say the least, as she intended to use the sword for her own personal gain, only using ciara to unwittingly do her dirty work.

the sword got its name 'godhunter' during a particularly intense tussle with it where ciara used it to wound eclipse. ordinarily, a sword wouldn't have done much damage to eclipse, but since this particular one was enchanted with a ludicrous amount of damaging spells, it does manage to harm her. hence the name, 'godhunter'.

Magical animal companions:

Asclepius:

Asclepius, as I have mentioned in a previous post (linked here), was made from ophiuchus' severed serpent tail, and thus shares a mental link with ophiuchus. because ophiuchus is distantly related to ciara, ciara and asclepius are connected by association. their first meeting is a...rather aggressive one, asclepius jumped out at ciara and ciara mistook him as an enemy. asclepius is also instrumental in leading ciara to the location where ophiuchus and cetus are being held captive, which is major plot spoilers, so it will not be mentioned :D

Kai:

Kai is ciara's raven buddy, named after ciara's dead ex-boyfriend for their similar twitchy and anxious mannerisms. kai is mainly used to carry messages between ciara and gemini in the later plotlines of TZE, as other methods of communication during that time are being closely watched. he does not get along with asclepius (ciara had to train asclepius to not try and eat kai), but tries his best to tolerate his situation.

Hobbies: ciara enjoys swordfighting, archery, chess (once scorpio teaches her), videogames, writing emo poetry, and annoying the absolute shit out of anyone she is with at the moment

GOOD LORD THIS IS LONG. UM. YEAH IF YOU MADE IT DOWN HERE I APPLAUD YOU. ANYWAY QUESTIONS ABOUT LORE ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED, IT'S 11 PM WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW, I AM SLEEPING GOODNIGHT.

#asks #zodiac lore

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localplaguenurse · 2 months

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If Ei could hear Kei's every emotional outburst, she must have also heard the Epic Rage he got when Mama once broke a promise, the one that was so bad she swore to never go through again. And also the absolute mess when he nearly got arrested because they thought he had a Geo Vision.

Did she actually consider stepping out for once? I know she didn't move for anything until Traveller in canon, but I think that an angry Morax-fragment in Inazuma might have been one of the few things that she should personally look into, if only to ask Zhongli about it (even though he did not actually knownabout it).

Imagine Mama' face when the Raiden Shogun shows up at her house, asking about her Geo Archon Progeny. Cue her and Kei being swept up as Ei's personal guests, as she figures that leaving the little Geo Dragon son on his own is unideal, but harming them would probably (eventually) set-off the Geo Dragon father, if he ever found out.

Honestly I don’t think Ei would have really noticed since Kei’s only JUST starting to show his lineage. I actually have some world building that I’m starting to drop hints on with the gold smoke and stuff: Kei, as far as his adeptus genetics are concerned, is actually pretty far behind developmentally due to his upbringing.

(This also counts as minor spoilers but if I don’t elaborate on specifics, it’s fine.)

Kei has been living in Inazuma his whole life with his human mom. There are no adepti around him. Because there are no adepti, (and maybe because Zhongli was in a human form when he was conceived, not totally set on this), Kei’s adeptal instincts are either underdeveloped or present themselves as just “quirks” or “odd behaviours.” There are base dragon instincts in him such as his need to hoard things, be protective of his loved ones, sensitivity to smells, and also the pinkie promises are his version of Zhongli’s contracts. The thing is you can also just see those behaviours and think “oh he’s just neurodivergent or something,” especially when you lump it in with his ability to hyperfixate on stuff like CRAZY.

His adeptal traits were going to manifest anyways eventually, but if he stayed in Inazuma and never encountered another adeptus, it would happen at a much slower pace. Now he’s in Liyue, land of the adepti, and has met his father, the Prime of the Adepti. Kei doesn’t know it yet, and Mama doesn’t either, but the combination of being around his adeptus father and his father being The Main Guy is gonna trigger his repressed instincts and, basically, speedrun about five years of adeptal growth.

I promise it’s not going to hurt him, but hijinks are going to ensue.

Sorry I know this ask was about Ei. I have plans for her and Kei later on that are actually pretty sweet, but that’s all endgame stuff for whenever he and Mama go home. I promise you she is going to be mortified about the vision incident.

#ask #you've got my eyes #anon

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jcryptid · 2 years

Text

The Magnus (fic rec) Archives

This one has been literally years in the making and a true testiment to the power of hyperfixation and what I could maybe do if my brain decided something like graduating highschool was actually really interesting.

I'm sure my fic preferences will be made very much clear as you read this, so do keep in mind said preferences might not allign with yours. I have included a lot of Whump, H/C and angst in my list, so if you're not into that sort of thing, that's fine, have a nice day. I've also got some content warnings in my descriptions as well for the more... intense....whump?... yeah let's go with that.

(Most are all Jmart, but there's some JonTim, some LonelyEyes on the side, and the occassional OG archivist squad polyamory, anything tagged as Jon/Elias is 100% in some kind of whump scenario)

Rec list and key under the cut (^o^)/

Key:

Bold = 11/10 fic, very much had me thinking about if for way longer than I should have, recommending it way too many times than is necessary and pretty regularly rereading it

Purple italics = didn't quite have the same earth shattering effect as the bold fics, but very much worth a read all the same

Plain text = it's up there fam, but not quite on the same level as the purple italics or bold fics

The garden of forking paths - by bibliocratic

After killing Elias and presumably setting the world back the way it was Jon and Martin find themselves falling through the doors of the distortion, holding each other tight and doing everything they can to not let go. It's only when Jon wakes up later to an archivist named Sasha and the Tim he used to know waving an axe in his face that he realizes that wherever somewhere else was, he came through alone.

First fic I ever read for TMA that I connected with really, written midway through season 5 so we pretty much ignore any canon ending, but I don’t think any of us are particularly complaining about that one considering the sheer amount of fix its. (Completed)

Out There, Somewhere - Artyphex

Jon wakes up, blind and alone and bleeding out having been spat out of the crack between realities after the end of the world and now finds himself alone, alone and in pain, entirely alone in a way he's never felt before, in a world that is not his with no one he knows and loves beside him. And he is left to search, with unseeing eyes and shaking words for the one person he needs to know is okay. (Completed)

They keep trying to row away (series) - by assigned_Jon_Kin_Again (sparrow0), blackwood (transjon), radula (stickpenalties), screechfox, skvadern

Body horror mermaid fic that breaks my heart in the best way, feat. Archivist Sasha and maybe a polyamory between the 4 main archivist crew? Either way a hurt/comfort mermaid fic that I can't stop coming back to. If you're a big fan of Whump and excessive angst with the sweat relief of comfort this is the fic for you, but please for the love of god pay attention to the Trigger Warnings. (Series complete)

Family, Found - Dribblescribbles

Basira was there for the unknowing, she was there when Elias told them all to their faces that he was a bastard who was using them for something none of them could understand, and ever since the unknowing she's been doing whatever she could, taking whatever scraps of investigations she could to find the answers. And of all the people it had to be Helen who helped her figure it out. Because Jon is not a monster, but the Web and the Eye are doing their damn best to make him one, and she's going to make sure that the others working for the archives aren't doing the same. (One Shot)

My witness brings me Into existence - by driflew

A take on Not!Jon au with an exploration on what happens if he comes back and the experiences he has to deal with as someone who cannot be physically remembered but still wants to help out Sasha and the others, even if Elias, the one person who seems to know him, won't let him.

This one has me feeling a lot of things, currently existing as just a One shot but I'm still crossing my fingers from some extra additions to the series, and boy does this one have me coming back on the regular. (Completed fic, Series ongoing)

Not a Second Thought - by i_can_do_fics

An alternate take on Not!Jon, specifically involving the web instead of the stranger. Where people aren't replaced, but thin unseeable strings of spider silk force his hand and his tongue and his body in no way he can resist. And after everything that'd happened since this all started, he's not quite sure it's a bad thing. (One shot)

Miles to Go before I sleep - by AuralQueer

Sleep Dep. Hurt Comfort Set S4, feat. A Jon who is putting himself through way too much crap but honestly that's just par for the course. (One shot)

Beastly Behavior - by Prim_the_Amazing

Martin is a man struck by a curse, a curse that is vindictive and cruel and cast by someone he will always love despite everything she's done to him. Jon is a man on the run from a monster of his own, a man with all the power in the world to take everything he has left of himself for his own entertainment. Two men with two tasks, a mother and a grandmother, both dying in their beds and both losing a part of their freedom and themselves trying to save them. Both terrified of the world they live in, of the person they grow to love, of the people they may be becoming.

A Beauty and the Beast au with a bit of a twist, and a happy ending well worth the wait. (Completed)

The Sea Calls Me Home - mothjons

Martin Blackwood takes a job at Peter Lukas's estate in exchange for his mother's care and

their housing for his service. It's not a pretty job, it's not anything Martin would have picked for himself but nothing he'd had ever would be and he's resigned himself to that fact, no matter how much it hurts. And then he meets a strange man by the sea, and god knows all the secrets and the pain of loving someone is the one choice he knows for certain he'd never give up.

Not going to lie this one had by ugly crying by the end. A great and honestly very angsty take on Mer Jon x Martin but also set during the height of WWI and I promise you there is of course a happy ending they both deserve. (Complete)

Head in the Lion's Mouth - by renwhit

Au where Danny is alive, damaged goods but alive. So when a certain archivist, possibly delirious and in pain, narrows his eyes and tells him he looks familiar in a way the other uncanny circus members don't, it sparks something in him he can't explain and for the first time in over a decade the ringmaster has a name. (Series is ongoing)

Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me - by ghostfrog

A cute ongoing fic where Jon becomes a teacher after Martin singlehandedly stops the apocalypse at the end of S4, and because they're both trying to move on with their lives Jon becomes an English teacher for a local school, where he has a class that are a bit too observant, and maybe just a bit too into cryptids.

There Are Monsters In These Woods - by DoilySpider

Once upon a time there was a prince of a kingdom named blackwood, with a wicked stepfather who wanted him dead. One day the prince asked his stepfather what he could do to claim the crown that they both knew was rightfully his, and the stepfather told him that a king must be brave, and to prove it he must then slay the beast of eyes.

Once upon a time there was a man named Jonathan Sims, a man who sought whatever knowledge and magic it would take to be able to protect those he loved from the monsters that took everything from him; and so he went to see the Mage Magnus, who would only be making him just one more.

Dark Fairytale au? Well that's what you get I suppose when the fandom is based around a horror podcast. All I can say really is that I love the world-building on this one, and the writing, featuring a happily ever after we all know they all deserve and some Jon/Martin/Tim/Gerry Polyamory. (Complete)

A Weather In The Flesh - by cuttooth

An emotionally devastating one shot about touch starvation that may or may not have made me feel a lot of things (One shot)

One of these birds, is not my bird - by updownandsideways

Just a good ol' Not Jon fic, a bit predictable in places but the gist is Jon is taken by the Not Them and Martin's feeling a bit different about Jon since he got back from the Prentiss incident, it's only when he re-reads some of his old poetry that he finds out why. (Complete)

Thresholds (series) - by bubonickitten

At the precipice of finding out he's changing into something inhuman, Elias decides to give Jon a push, with the perfect bit of information to leave him a wreck, and makes him know the story of a young man he remembers all too clearly being taken by dear old Mr. Spider. (Complete)

Chamomile - Dribbledscribbles

Chamomile is a mischievous little creature who finds its delight in seeing how many times they can give the people in this safe house a heart attack. It's attempts on Martin have been successful to a fault, pushing him as far as it can to scare the living daylights out of him before he comes at him with a broom and scuttling away before he can come close. It's a fun game they have, but when they try it on Jon it just doesn't work. It's not fun, because Jon lets it win, Jon names it, Jon gives him cuddles and lets it rest on his shoulder, and this little creature is rather determined not to give up.

Aka a cute fluff fic where Jon and Martin are living in their cottage in Scotland and end up adopting a few of the spookier residents. (Completed)

Go softly - by doomcountry

Martin brings home a jug of bleach, sets it on the counter with an eyedropper for when Jon is ready, and even if both of them know it will hurt, that is has to be done, but no matter what they are going to get through this together.

TW for eye mutilation (Oneshot)

Terror Management Theory - by prismatical

Jonathan sims was eaten by a spider when he was eight, he died, but then he came back. Since then Jon has a very interesting relationship with death, one that terrifies him more than anything else, more than any other fear, and it's going to take a hell of a lot to earn his right to death back. (Completed)

Nature has taught her creatures to hate - thepolysyndetonaddictsupportgroup

Many times Jon has tried to run, sometimes it even worked, sometimes he got barely made it out alive at the end of the day, but it never worked when he was running from the Magnus institute, from James Wright or Elias Bouchard, or from the horrors that have never let him go since he was eight and stupid enough to pick up that damn book. The powers that be had taken him as a child, wrapped him in tight cobwebs of contracts and kidnappings and under a bruising hand on his shoulder that guided him down the path of inhumanity no matter how hard he tried to run. And even now, when he's failed again and facing losing another of a short line of close connections to the curse that is the Magnus institute, he can't back out.

NGL this one is depressing at times, but it kept my eyes glued to the screen it was so thrilling. Featuring a Jon who was chased to the Magnus institute by a book and a boy overflowing with spiders, and then claimed by something even worse, lots of child abuse and Elias being a manipulative bastard. (Ongoing)

Reflection - by LazuliQuetzal

There's something haunting Jonathan sims, something that looks just like him, but different all the same. Something inhuman that he cannot allow himself to trust, no matter what it says or claims to know about him. Something that keeps telling him with every moment they have to stay away from the archives, no matter what.

Meanwhile, Jonathan Sims, the monster and remnant of a ruined world, is rapidly forced to reconcile with living in the past as something no one is able to see or even notice as anything out of the ordinary, not even with the power of the eye behind them, and as fun as getting some small sense gratification from being petty and messing with Jonah as much as he can, the only person he can really talk to is quite literally himself.

And he's a fucking idiot.

This fic is great if you just want a little giggle and some catharsis. Pending alternate title is currently tied between "Two Jons in an archive, what will he do?" and "Jon would be the first person to tell you that he is absolutely insufferable". (complete)

See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea - by The_Floating_World

Jon has always had a fascination with things vastly incomprehensible, staring out from a dock out at the ocean and marveling at the infinity of everything before him. How the sky can be perfectly reflected in the ocean, how everything is endless and so vast in such a beautiful way, and I need not tell you that fears have never been loved in the way Jon loves infinity. After a probably not so chance encounter with Simon Fairchild, Jonathan Sims begins his slow evolution to becoming as an avatar of the vast, but he's different in a way the others aren't. Asking questions with no answer and living on that threshold between the vast and unknowable and madness in a way the other's haven't seen before, and by virtue of his own strangeness, even in the face of the other avatars, he is known as the philosopher, a man who isn't a man that seems content to hide just how powerful he really is.

At least until he makes some friends of his own and they come under threat. (Complete)

Starving Gods - by sevansa

Jon is in a really, really bad place when he decides to go through with it, knowing with a certainty his future doesn't have that if he were to follow in the footsteps of Eric Delano, he wasn't going to allow himself the luxury of a chance to back out, not with so many victims at stake.

Needless to say the shock of finding Jon in his office like that, unconscious and mutilated is something none of them will ever forget.

TW eye mutilation but you already knew that, first fic i the series is complete, but the sequel is still ongoing.

The Unknown Watcher - by authureameslove

Martin knows the rules as well as anyone else. You do not stay out past dark, not for anything, lest you fall prey to monsters and madness more potent than any ghost story or relentless creature cooked up by gods bigger than anyone could have imagined. So on a dark night, chased by monsters a plenty and his own stupid decision to chance it Martin Blackwood stumbles upon an estate filled with its own monstrosities. Two killers stalking the woods that weren't there before, a stranger in the night, two who cannot leave lest they be unmade with wooden splinters where there should be skin, and a man with two glowing green eyes and a face that no one can see. Each with their own stories to tell, each bound to this place by powers out of their control and choices they have made and each playing their own part in the end of both themselves and the world.

And of all things, they seem to think that Martin just might be the only one who can save them.

Inspired loosely on Beauty and the Beast with its own unique and captivating TMA Spin, this fic had be glued to my seat in anticipation, and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys tales of vengeance, Jmartin and that classic ghost story style mystery. (Complete)

Déjà Vu - CirrusGrey

What do you even do with yourself when you are given a second chance? What does it mean to truly feel your death, being unmade or destroyed or unwound or stabbed through the heart by the man you love, and waking up alone long before you would have come to know any of it. Remembering everything, every pain, every choice that led to it and everything that you can't bring yourself to believe hasn't happened yet, and to do so all alone?

Sasha James was unmade, Tim Stoker was destroyed, Martin was unwound, and Jon was stabbed through the heart by his love. They all woke up alone on a day long before even the thought of Prentiss would touch them, and they all think they're the only one.

The Watcher's Bargain - arthureameslove

Fae au says what?

Martin hadn't known freedom since he was a child, when the witch Mary Blackwood took him in and bound him with silver threads and promises. So when she lays sick and dying in their house he makes a bargain with her. The Death's book of names and her life in return for his freedom. He should have known stealing from the Fae would have consequences beyond death, should have known the witch would have been vindictive enough to only allow him to leave her if it meant trading one prison for another, and this time, surrounded by the high court of the Panopticon, with Fae and tortured humans in chains, bound to one who speaks in half-truths and secrets, hope has never been so far from his eyes.

At least that is, until the fae proposes a bargain of his own. (Ongoing)

This Lonely Knight - arthureameslove

Martin doesn't remember why or how he came to join the knights of the Lonely, nor does he remember any of a life before that point. Like the many other heartless knights he cast away his memories and the pain they carried with them with his choice and that was just the way it was. It's not until he's sent to escort a strange man from the beholding to be the Watcher's betrothed that he begins to find what he'd been missing, what being of the Lonely had kept him from, and more importantly that he can't go through with his suicidal mission to see the death of his charge.

Honestly, this is classic fairytale knight and royal in an arranged marriage romance but with another perfect Magnus Archives twist from arthureameslove. (Complete)

What Belongs to the Sea - TwoDrunkenCelestials, WhyNotFly

When Jon first meets Elias he's dry as a bone and still smelling of thick salt with wild hair, knocking on his door with fury in his eyes and blood roaring in his veins as he demands back his stolen skin. For all his grandmother's warnings though, he still ends up in a gilded cage of his own making. Soon Jon, against his better judgement and consent is swept up into the path of the unblinking, newlywed and bound by powerful magic and paraded around in ceremony and unfeeling shows of affection and control. It's only after an admittedly prickly encounter with Martin, that he begins to hope.

TW there is abuse here, and alot of iron burns (Complete)

The Path of Least Resistance - chermit

Martin, Sasha and Tim go into what they think will be a normal day of work in 2016, and it is anything but. They arrive to find a crime scene, swamped with police officers there to inform them plainly that everyone in the institute is dead, except for them. Elias in his office clutching his head as if in pain, Jon shot three times in the chest with an empty look in his eyes and the rest of them from apparent cardiac arrest. Needless to say they want answers, they want justice, and if it means involving themselves in a world of monsters and fear a mysterious someone had tried so hard to keep them safe from, then so be it. (Ongoing)

The Sweetest Thing - JoyHeart

Martin has always been warned away from humans, his mother took great pains to plant that fear firmly within long before she and all of Selkie kind seemed to turn their backs on him. It isn't until he's rescued from some particularly nasty flesh worms by the Magnus Institute for Oceanic Research and Rescue that he finds an alternate perspective. Unfortunately, even if he doesn't yield his form, Martin's about to find that humans have more than one way of keeping a selkie under their grasp, even if completely unintentionally.

A martin selkie au that had me cackling, in suspense and squealing with just the right amount of fluff (for my tastes at least) featuring Marine Biologist Jon who's just as insufferable when it comes to his skepticism as he is incredibly sweet. (complete)

Heavy angst and whump warning for the sequel (which is ongoing)

A deeply annoying child - ajkal2

A oneshot (that I will defend until my dying breath) where Jon reads a Leitner that turns him into his 8 year old self right after his encounter with Mr Spider and Tim is there to help him pick of the pieces. (Oneshot)

Antigonish - softlyblue

Martin inherits an the Blackwood house from a woman he's never heard of sharing his last name and very quickly finds it inhabited by something trying to kill him, something that is not the four friendlier ghosts that inhabit the place, and something that goes a hell of a lot deeper than cold spots and whispers in the night. It's not so much a choice then to call in the cavalry when a portion of the very well-built roof tries to crush him for the third time in a row, so he sends a reluctant email to three ghost hunters under Basira's recommendation, with one of which being a man reportedly most adept of seeing and reaching out to things that are not there. (Complete)

The Reverb in These Holy Halls - Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

After a distinctly unwell day at work Jonathan Sims comes to awareness and marches in to the archives without so much as a word and declares himself to Elias and Martin both as the new head archivist. A lot of people are confused by this, a lot of people suspect Jon of murdering Gertrude and a lot of people want to know what the hell is going on with him. With a bargain made, and an eye and a Spider in his heart Jonathan Sims is going to save the world, and this time he's going to do it right.

Very generic premise of a Timetravel TMA fix it but it comes with some added flavor thanks to some clever writing from the author/s.

Two Graves - SupposedToBeWriting

In saving the world singlehandedly Jonathan Sims honestly thought he was going to die, so it was more than a surprise when he didn't, and even more than his plan actually worked. Now, with nothing but the remnants of fear and a broken heart he flees London, along with everything and everyone to do with the Magnus institute, but quickly finds himself a new purpose with a garden and connection to some avatars who need some help finding themselves after their patron's disappearance.

And then his world shatters when Martin and Basira finally manage to track him down.

This one got me through a particularly rough patch, a fic about reconciliation after the end of the world was... well, ended, and about reconnecting and forgiving the ones you love. TW for some implied sucidal thoughts and ideation. (completed)

The Archivist and the Adventurer (series) - paperdream

There are few things for a human that is worse than to be considered lovely by the Fae, and that is a lesson Jon, like so many things, had to learn the hard way. Ensnared by the wild hunt and bound to the high fae Elias and forcibly changed by the Mother of Spiders, all Jon has left to hold on to is his name, spending his days confined to the Archives to serve and be subject to the whims of the fae, whatever they may be. At least that is, until he finds his solace in helping an adventurer escape the cruelty of the fae unscathed, no matter how foolish he may be. (Ongoing)

Auspex (Series) - faridsgwi

(Victorian AU) The year is 1841, and Jonah Magnus is ready to begin building his archive in London. Now it's just a manner of going to the workhouse to find a child that won't be missed to serve as his repository.

Highly recommended au for you guys, as of now it's still ongoing but my god is it keeping my rapt attention in hopes for updates to the series. Featuring our good old Victorian asshole and resident child abuser Jonah Magnus, as he builds up his new archive and apprentice Jonathan Sims in preparation for his uses. Assistants will be traumatized, friends will be made along the way, and as always remember the apocalypse is always much closer than you think. (Ongoing)

The Kindness of Strangers - theOestofOCs

What's that saying? That Hindsight is 20/20? After a rather delicately arranged meeting in eye neutral terf (read as not in the institute) on Tim's request, Jon is finally able to get the chance to really talk to Tim since… well everything. So when the two find themselves snagged by Breekon and Hope and handed over to Nikola Orsinov, let's just say Tim being in the wrong place at the wrong time was the least of their worries.

Content warning for disassociation, forced nudity and non-consensual touching (not sexual), this one is heavy on the angst, but if you, like me, really wanted Jon and Tim to get the chance to actually reconcile before the unknowing, and love seeing Tim's protective older brother side, then this is the fic for you. (Completed)

Stag Story - With_the_Wolves

Stag's are notoriously hard to capture in the wild, using magic to flee and disappear before any bullet comes close to touching them. As a results hunts are often drawn out and tedious in search of trophies, and notoriously difficult to pull of successfully, at least until one of the most respected of the Hunter's alliance, Elias, comes up with something of a solution.

A solution he keeps under lock and key and threat of iron burns and torture should he disobey. His precious bait stag, cowed and shaped to his will, and he's going to use him to finally kill the Beast of the Northern Forest. (Oneshot)

The Fates Design - theOestofOCs

Kept hidden, starving and without any memory of a time before Elias saved him, the Archive had resigned himself to a life under his care and in his service. He was the Archive after all, a danger to himself and the world, this was what he was for.

So when a thief climbs in through the window of his tower, and gives him a story to ease the pain of hunger and asks him to come with him, at least until Elias's return, he accepts. The want for the pain to end winning out over the safety of his tower and unfortunately, the knowledge that this is where he should be for the safety of the realm.

And then he meets a ginger haired man he couldn't be sure he'd only ever seen in his dreams, and things change.

Alternately titled by the author as the Tmagled au (which I absolutely love), this one puts a really intriguing TMA twist on the classic Rapunzel set up, with some added mystery that had me desperate for more.

As it stands it is still ongoing, and pretty new, but as of posting this has actually been updated fairly recently.

The Lives We've Shared - The OestofOCs

Jon finds something he shouldn't have, something someone took great lengths to keep hidden, and something Elias Bouchard doesn't want him listening to. A tape from Gertrude, hidden below a loose floorboard in his office, speaking with certainty of death and leaving a warning for her successor.

Needless to say Elias will do anything to make sure a secret like that doesn't come to light, so after a short flick of a blade across his throat, all he needs to do is clean up as much of the blood from the office as he can and start again with one of his assistants.

What no one accounted for though, was Jon coming back.

Completed fic where Jon dies and comes back as a ghost, with the single goal to protect his people as much as he can from Elias and others like him.

Fold, Fallow and Plough - theOestofOCs

Jon is a marine conservationist researcher, so when he sees the net squirming and rolling on the beach with something impossible inside, he does what he always has and cuts it free, regardless of any praise or recognition he might have gotten from the discovery.

So when the head of the Magnus institute of Marine discovery arrives moments later, fuming and demanding to know what happened to his catch, Jon certainly isn't going to apologize for doing the right thing. No matter what earning the man's ire might bring upon himself.

He just… he didn't expect this.

Have I mentioned I'm a big fan of Mermaid Body Horror? TW for abuse, non-consensual body modification and a lot of whump, featuring Mer Tim, Danny and Sasha as they try to walk their unexpected charge through a new life under the waves, as others above continue to search for the missing researcher. (Ongoing)

Darkling I listen (half in love) - theOestofOCs

Jon had never had a good feeling about their newest client Jonah Magnus, but it's not until he sees him one night crawling down the side of his castle with spiderlike grace that he truly comes to realize he's not human, and Martin needs to survive this. So, throwing caution to the wind and what he knows has to be all sense with it, he makes a deal with Magnus. Martin will be sent back to London under the guise that Jon will be continuing their work here, and Jon's life is forfeit.

But Magnus has far greater plans for his new pet, and no intention of letting him go that easily.

If you're me and you've read the original Dracula by Bram Stoker this is one hell of a treat. Just the right amount of TMA and Dracula plot points with some very well written body horror as Jonathan finds himself slowly turning into a creature of the night. (Ongoing)

The Archivist's Moving Castle - Hallali

In a world full of magic and monsters a plenty, Martin's life on its own has thus far been profoundly uninteresting. But dreaming of adventure in the hills was never a way to stay safe, and Martin has always been quietly content, if a fair bit lonely, tending to the town's library under the employ of one Peter Lukas. At least, that is, until a strange man full of magic of his own seeks his sanctuary and promises to help him escape, a hope Martin can at least hold onto for now even as his world twists beyond the limits of what he thought possible and he is cursed and forced to flee before Jon could even have the chance to return. Which is all well and good he could suppose, he needed to get out anyway, he just wished there were less monsters trying to kill him involved. (Ongoing)

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