#shes angry shes self destructive she yells at her dad she knows exactly what she wants to do with her life and isnt doing shit about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mediocre--writing · 3 years

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Hey! I just read a couple of your drabbles and I LOVE THEM!💙💙

So if you don't mind, could you please do a Harringrove drabble/ficlet based on either of the two (or a mix of both, if you can) Twenty One Pilots songs "Tear in My Heart" and/or "Smithereens"?

Because, for me, Tear in My Heart is very Billy and Smithereens is very Steve👉👈

Thank you!!💜

Ok so love this and you have an amazing mind, just so you know.

This is like a 2 in 1 fic post so :))))

So smithereens and steve work so well together, like

“I go step to a dude much bigger than me/ for you I know that I would get messed up, weigh 153/ For you I would get beat to smithereens”

Like this is just Steve's personality. He got into a fight every season and barely ever wins without intervention. And like i could see him just being so overcome with emotions that he just does what he knows, which is self destruct.

Like with his fight with Jonathan, he almost accepts that Nancy was too good for him and thinks that he might as well take other people with him.

Then with Tommy in the parking lot, it’s not really a fight, but it shows that he has a conscience and fixes his mistakes.

Then with his fight with Billy, he only tries to protect the kids, even if he’s losing miserably.

I could 100% see steve having snuck into billy’s room during the night once (before he really knew about neil), not to do anything nefarious, but just that he had a really bad nightmare, because there was a small power outage, and billy is really good at helping him sleep afterwards.

And let's just say that Billy's alarm clock (which is always set for 5:30am, half an hour before Neil wakes up just to give him peace of mind) doesn’t go off because of the power outage.

And Neil comes to wake up Billy for school because he hasn’t woken up yet, and sees Billy spooning Steve and both boys are snoring and pressing bare chest to bareback, and so deep asleep that Neil lets them sleep, letting them wake up on their own.

And they do. Billy wakes up around 8am, feeling insanely well rested. He smiles and squeezes Steve before turning to sit up from his bed to look at his alarm clock, that’s blinking on and off and reads 3:18am, but the sun’s up and… the house is quiet.

Billy feels the dread settle deep in his chest, and swears he could cry if he were .000000001% more worried.

He hears the creaking of work boots walking around the house and knows, just from the tension lingering in the air, that it’s just an angry Neil pacing in the kitchen/ dining room and waiting for Billy to wake up.

He doesn’t know whether to wake Steve up and tell him to escape out of the window and run or just let him lay there anyway, it’s obvious that Neil already saw.

He let’s Steve sleep and throws a shirt on and slowly walks out of the room into the pits of hell, seeing Neil turn to him with an angry face a brighter shade of red than a firetruck.

As slurs are screamed and Billy is thrown into the walls and has family tchotchkes launched at his face, Steve wakes up after a particularly painful shove makes the wall shake, pushing a single picture frame fall off the wall on the other side.

Steve shoots up after that loud bang and hears a wail and muffled yelling before something else hits the wall. He grabs his shirt and puts it on as he walks out the bedroom door, seeing glass shattered on the hardwood leading to the family room, but what he sees around the corner is so much worse.

Billy’s bleeding in about twenty different spots, body curled in a ball in the corner of the kitchen, Neil standing over him, but turning to Steve with a grin.

Steve feels his blood boil as dots connect and loose ends are tied up, making the connection between Billy's bad nights and the new bruises he’ll sport under his shirt. The way he tries to hide it when he flinches at loud, authoritative men who are bigger than him. Why he told Steve to never call his house and why he is the way he is.

So Steve doesn’t think for another second before launching himself at Neil, slamming him into the floor, but that’s about as much as he wins that fight, because Neil is slamming him back and beating him the same way he did his son.

And billy, let’s admit it, is probably much stronger and a better fighter than his dad, but it’s so hard to fight back against an abuser that has controlled your life for so long. Even when you know you could win and that they deserve it, neil hargrove is still his dad and he could never get it into his head to hit him back.

But Steve was trying too hard to take him down because he was doing the wrong thing and losing terribly, never having won a fight once in his damn life.

Billy’s sitting up against the wall, ribs in excruciating pain and vision blurry, but he sees Steve getting up and kicking Neil once before backing up, and Billy sees his camaro keys in the dish by the front door.

So he stands up as fast as he can, ignoring the dizziness as if that would make it go away, grabs steve’s arm and shoots to the door, grabbing the camaro keys and shooting outside

He takes the driver’s seat, despite his dizzying head, just knew that he’d have to drive for a few miles then they could reevaluate, and Steve was clumsily getting into the passenger side.

Billy had only just started the car when Neil came rushing out the door, screaming threats and slurs as if that would make them stop their escape.

The camaro backed out of the driveway and shot down cherry lane in record time, going to the center of town, the least likely place Neil would cause a scene.

It isn’t until Billy puts the car in park that he can bear to look at steve.

He’s got a bloody nose and his shirt sleeve is torn off, hair disheveled from both sleep and the fight.

But billy looks so much worse.

He’s still hunched to the left from his ribs, he’s got tons of cuts along his arms, legs, and face from, what steve suspects, the broken glass on the floor. He’s also got this wild-animal-look in his eyes. One that screams, I escaped alive, but at what cost?

“Bill-”

“Why’d you do that?”

“Why-- I’m sorry are you asking me why I attacked your dad when he was kicking you while you were, literally, on the floor?”

“Ye--no, I-- but you got hurt, why’d you do that?”

“Billy, what did you expect me to do?” a shrug is all he gets in response--”If you saw my dad doing that to me, can you honestly expect yourself to stand there and watch it happen, or walk away and let it happen?”

Billy turns to face the grocery store--Melvad’s-- that they were parked in front of.

“It’s all weaving together in my head. All the bruises, the jumpiness, how you like to control things, it all makes sense, but what doesn’t make sense is why you wouldn’t just tell me, Bill,”

“And what exactly would you have been able to do about it, huh? You gonna take care of the situation or some shit, Steve? Trust me, I’m used to it and--”

“But you shouldn’t have to be ‘used to it,’ Bill, that’s abuse, and you don’t deserve that shit, not ever,”

Their conversation is halted by a tap on the glass by Steve's window, and the boys turn to see Joyce Byers looking more motherly than ever.

Steve rolled the window down.

“The hell happened to you boys?” she asked but corrected herself with a shake of her head, “Doesn’t matter, just come in to clean up, we’ve got bandages and antiseptic, free of charge,”

Billy wiped away the tears he didn’t know had formed and nodded to her, “We’ll be out in a minute, Mrs. Byers.”

“Joyce, please,” she demanded softly.

“Joyce, of course,” Billy offered a subdued smile.

She walked off and Steve rolled the window back up.

“Thank you,” Billy spoke quietly after a moment. “I’m glad he didn’t hurt you worse,”

“Billy, for you I would get beat to smithereens,”

“Well of course you would, you weigh like 100 pounds, not like you could put up much of a fight,”

“Hey! I gave him a black eye, thank you very much!”

“Oh, well, my bad, baby, then maybe you weigh 150, huh?”

Steve grumbled from the passenger seat, “153,”

Billy chuckled and grabbed Steve's hand over the console, locking eyes and smiling at each other, enjoying their small moment.

“We should probably get in there before Joyce comes out herself?” Steve sighed as he moved to take his hand out of Billy's.

“One more minute, please,”

Steve just tightened his grip on Billy's hand and moved towards the center of the car to rest his head on Billy's shoulder, Billy's head falling onto his.

Billy and Tear In My Heart thooooooooo

Like it fits him so well, again this is amazing.

I also see billy as a resident hater of america and it’s fucking government becuase, well, they have a history between his myriad of speeding tickets and, oh what was it, oh yes, the tentacle monster that impaled and possessed him.

And in California, there’s no cold weather where he lives, so there’s not exactly potholes to avoid.

The first time he drives into the cooler states and has to avoid potholes, he decides that his car deserves a vacation after this.

But the potholes become the biggest issue after he and Steve start dating.

He’s absolutely enamoured by this boy, because who wouldn’t be. He respects Billy's limits and can hold his own in arguments, and they fit together like missing pieces of a puzzle.

Steve has changed Billy, not that he’d admit it, but he’s softer now and all of his sharp edges have been baby-proofed. They’re still there and dangerous, but they’re more difficult to be stabbed by.

All the cracks in his heart have been filled with gold, like Kintsugi (a Japanese technique of repairing broken pottery with gold).

And Billy can complain and complain about Steve's clinginess, about his intrusion into his life, and his persistence to stay, but deep inside Billy's never felt more loved or cared for in his life.

But these damn potholes might just make him lose it.

Because billy is anything but a bad driver, he can control the car even when it’s going 45 over the speed limit, but now that steve falls asleep after their movie dates or when they’re coming back from barbeques with the party, Joyce, and Hopper, he’s driving the speed limit.

Which is just appalling.

But some of these potholes are so deep you could dive into them and not hit the bottom.

Like what the fuck, Indiana?

And, one time, Max is with them after a barbeque when Steve falls asleep and Billy slows the car down to what feels like snail speed, but is just the speed limit.

“Why are we going so slow?” Max asked as she leaned forward from the backseat to whisper to billy.

“Steve’s sleepin’,” he said, as if it was the obvious reason.

“You’re whipped,”

“Shut up, Shitbird,”

Max leans back into her seat with a grin on her face at the absolute mush her big, tough brother has turned into for Steve Harrington.

#harringrove #stranger things #steve x billy #billy x steve #mw harringrove #mediocre—writing #twenty one pilots #billy hargrove #steve harrington

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beautifulmadnesss · 4 years

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“Make Peace with Your Feelings” JJ Imagine Part 2

Summary: Olivia is the younger sister of John B and has always followed along with the Pogues. JJ was like a second brother to her and often crashed at their place. She really struggles after her fathers disappearance and she starts to self destruct, even JJ is having a hard time getting through to her.

Part 1

A/N Thanks so much for all the love on Part 1! I also forgot to mention the title comes from the song When You Know by Neck Deep. Check it out here

“What the hell, Liv, it’s 9am,” John B yelled after he passed by the door to my dads office and found me sitting on his desk drinking a bottle of rum.

“You drink all the time.” I retorted, getting really tired of him judging me all the time.

“Yeah, with my friends and I stop before I get completely shit faced. You have a real problem.” He sat down in the chair, facing me. “I’m really worried about you.” He added softly. I felt my stomach turn in a knot. We really had avoided any form of emotional communication since the night our dad disappeared. “When Dad gets back he’ll feel like crap if he finds out you’ve been doing this to yourself.”

“Dammit John B, stop saying that!” I snapped, standing up and towering over him for once. “He’s not coming back because he’s dead. He fucking abandoned us for some made up treasure hunt.”

“You don’t know that,” he argued. “Plus he didn’t do it on purpose, he just-”

“Look around! There’s five times as much about this shipwreck than there is about us in this entire house. He kept this stupid office locked and spent most nights in here obsessing over this bullshit.” I grabbed the nearest stack of papers and tossed them aside.

“So, you’re pissed at him for checking out and caring more about this than his family? Sounds like someone else I know. He’d be ashamed of you and-”

“John B, thats enough, dude.” Pope interrupted. I turned to see him standing in the doorway with Jj and Kiara.

I looked back at my brother who was staring at me with pure hatred. I felt an overwhelming urge to just destroy something, anything. The papers and maps scattered on the desk just as my dad left them caught my eye. I cleared them with one swipe of my arm.

“Fuck off, Liv,” I heard John B mutter before storming out of the room.

I didn’t even stop to see where he went. Anything I could find, I wanted to break it. I took the pencils and snapped them in half, ripped all the pages out of the binders, tore the maps off the walls. I took the clock and threw it across the room. The stupid lamp that was always on every night when I laid in my bed and just wanted someone to come read me a book made me so irrationally angry. Repeatedly I slammed it against the desk until it broke in half. I grabbed one of the books off the shelve and tried to rip it, but it was to thick. Only then did I realize that I was crying. My entire body went limp and I let the book fall, collapsing onto the floor in sobs.

I pulled my knees up to my chests and wrapped my arms around myself, digging my fingernails into my palms. I was trembling and completely overwhelmed with emotions. When I felt someone wrap their arm around my shoulders and lay their head on me, I jumped at first, but then stayed still as my sobs turned into silent tears.

“I’m going to go get something for your hands. I’ll be right back.” A small part of me was disappointed to hear Jj instead of my brother, but I was really just glad not to be alone.

He returned with a wadded up handful of paper towels and I smiled at him gratefully as he gently pressed them to my hands. Ever since I was a little kid, whenever I got really stressed I would ball my hands into fists so tightly my fingernails would dig into my palms.

“You okay?” He asked, watching me carefully.

“For a screwup? I’m okay, I guess.”

“You’re not a screwup.”

“John B is right. I’m a mess. It’s just when I’m drinking it’s easier to forget how scared I am. My dad is gone, my uncle is partying somewhere else, and who knows where my mom is. Eventually someone is going to realize that John B and I are completely alone and we are going to be put in foster care. There aren’t any homes on the island and there sure as hell aren’t any homes that are willing to take two teenagers, so we are going to end up on the mainland in separate homes. I’m about to be completely alone and I’m terrified.” I started crying again, so Jj moved to sit next to me and I laid my head on his shoulder. He was always so easy to talk to. I guess because I felt like he understood what it’s like to feel like you can never do the right thing no matter how much you want to.

“That definitely sucks and you have every right to be scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can promise you that you won’t ever be alone.”

I looked up at him, accidentally brushing my nose against his cheek as I did causing me to blush. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but instead just found myself leaning up to meet his lips. Something I had been dreaming of for far longer than I was comfortable admitting.

“Guys, with guns, here to kill us!” Pope yelled, banging open the door, causing us to both jump backward and my head to bang against the desk.

“Why the hell are there guys with guns here?” I asked just ask John B and Kiara came in and slammed the door behind them.

John B pulled out my dads compass and opened it. The word Redfield was scratched onto the the lid of the secret compartment in my dads handwriting.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” John B wasn’t listening to me, he grabbed JJ.

“Where’s the gun?” He interrogated.

“It’s on the porch,” Jj answered after a second of thinking. He ran out the door, but immediately came back in when the front door opened and one of the guys yelled my brothers name.

“What the-” Jj clamped his hand over my mouth to keep me from yelling out as these guys started trashing the house. I was confused and scared and still a little flustered from nearly being caught kissing my brothers best friend. His hand on my lips and arm around my waist holding me against him wasn’t exactly helping anything either.

Part 3 Part 4

#outer banks #outer banks imagine #john b #John b Rutledge #John b Rutledge imagine #jj #JJ Imagine #jj maybanks #jj maybanks imagine #jj maybanks x reader #imagine

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avatarstories · 4 years

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Izumi’s Birthday part four: getting better

A/N: I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to get a chapter out. law school is hard and time consuming. I’m about to enter exam study time and research season so I definitely will not have another chapter out until after Thanksgiving. Thank you to everyone who reads. You have no idea how happy your comments make me, especially after a long study session. I originally thought this series would only be three chapters, but I think now it’s going to be eight or nine. Take care, stay safe, wear a mask!

When they had made another complete trip around the the palace and were unsuccessful at finding Bumi, Aang and Katara returned to their room. When the door closes behind her, Katara turns on Aang.

“I kept telling you to take care of this,” she says coldly.

“You’re going to make this my fault? He had a fight with Izumi. Why is it my fault?”

“He and Izumi get along beautifully. I’ve been telling you for two months that you needed to talk with him, and now that hurt he feels is affecting his other relationships!!”

“Bumi wasn’t open to it, and you weren’t backing me up!”

“Backing you up? Are you kidding me?” she asks incredulously. “Who stayed at home alone with our kids while you went on missions or days long trips into the Spirit World or taught Air Acolytes how to meditate? Who was there beside you when you tried to bring back a culture from the brink of extinction? I have always backed you up,” she says pointing a finger at him. “And it hasn’t even always been you! When Mai died and Izumi was really sick, I came here with little Bumi to take care of her and Zuko, and Bumi on top of them. When Kanto left Toph when she got pregnant, it was me who helped her get everything ready for Lin. I have always put down everything and helped when people need me! Spirits, I even gave up becoming chief for you! I am not going to sit here and let you tell me that I don’t have your back, because I always have. But, you can’t run away from this or he will end up resenting you for the rest of his life,” she says furiously. She’s almost yelling at him, but then she stops and a tear rolls down her cheek. She looks defeated and disappointed. “I know you’re the Avatar, but you promised me we’d be in this together. I can do a lot, but I can’t do everything.”

Katara looks at him with anger and hurt in her eyes. The way she stands with her clenched reminds him of when she was 18 and he was 16, and she broke up with him for awhile . Right after their break up, her father asked her to go to the Fire Nation for some diplomacy work. Aang had been miserable. To try to help him feel better, Sokka and Suki invited him to visit Toph’s metal bending school, and Suki had given him some of the best advice of his life...

“I’m pretty sure Toph could will herself to bend the other three elements if she tried hard enough,” Suki says they watched Toph work with her metal bending students.

“Don’t give her any ideas,” Aang says, “then I’d be out of the one thing I’m good for.”

“Was it that bad?” Suki asks. Of course Aang knew exactly what she was referring to.

Aang sighs. “She said I don’t support her. That I expect her to give up everything for me, and that I don’t see her.”

“Hmmm, that must have been hard to hear,” Suki says empathetically.

“She said, ‘you are in love with the idea of me” I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? Of course I am, she’s perfect!” Aang takes a deep breath. “And then she conveniently gets appointed Ambassador to the Fire Nation so she gets so busy there, and she can do so many things she wants to do…and she can do them because she’s not with me. I don’t want her to think our relationship was a waste of time.”

Suki offers him a sad smile. “She would never. She adores you, Aang. But even when two people love each other dearly, it doesn’t mean they are good partners for each other.”

“Are you saying I was a bad boyfriend?” he says.

“No, and don’t put words in my mouth,” Suki says. “Some people just aren’t always good partners for each other. Like, look at Zuko and Mai. They adore each other. But Mai didn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t take care of himself, and she told Zuko that. So she left for a while so that he could get his bearings and figure what he needed to do to be a good Fire Lord and a good boyfriend.”

“So…I was a bad boyfriend?” Aang asks again.

“No Aang, you just weren’t what she needed right now, and it’s no fault of your own unless you honestly did not try,” Suki says. She puts a hand on his shoulder in an empathetic gesture. “You have to stop thinking like you were a failure. You’ve learned how to be a better friend to her. And, you can be mindful of this lesson in your next relationship.”

“But what’s it matter if we’re not together?”

“Aang, come on. If the only thing that mattered was that you were ‘together’ then that’s not enough,” Suki says.

“So what, if Sokka decided you weren’t good together you’d be fine if he left you?”

“Of course I wouldn’t be fine, but that’s why I work hard every day to make sure he feels loved. I let him know that he matters, and not just to me, and that he can mess something up and I’ll be there to help him fix it. And if what I give him doesn’t satisfy what he needs out of a partner, I would rather him leave and find someone who will make him happy than him stay with me. I would feel bad because I can’t be enough for him. It would be a vicious cycle, and we’d just end up resenting each other.”

Something about her statement clicks for Aang. “So it was better to just cut the losses,” he says. “And that way we can still be friends.”

“I think you’re catching on,” Suki smiles. “Plus, you never know what will happen in the future. Maybe in a few years, you’ll be exactly what she needs, and she’ll be exactly what you need. Not that it wouldn’t be hard work, but maybe you’ll be good partners in the future.”

“Thank you, Suki. This really helped,” Aang says.

“Anything for you, kid. Come on, let’s go find Sokka, I’m starving.”

Aang smiles, Suki is exactly what Sokka needed.

"Its no fault of your own unless you didn’t try.”

“I’ll find him. I’ll make this better. I promise,” he says walking towards her. She lets him wrap his arms around her and hold her to him. He presses a kiss to her temple. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispers. Her gaze follows him until the door closes behind him, and for the first time in a long time, it isn’t a sight that makes her angry.

———————————————————————————————————

“Alright, now I do have work to do, so unless you plan on helping me, I am going to have to ask you to leave. I have to take care of a few things before I go to the insufferable ladies luncheon that gets put on every year for Izumi’s birthday.”

“I could assist you,” Bumi offers. “What do you have to do?”

“Security,” she answers. “Having guests in the palace puts Zuko and Izumi in a bit more of a precarious situation than I prefer.”

“Why is someone trying to kill them or something?” Bumi asks.

“Nothing has happened in a while but that’s because I am diligent.” She gets up from her desk. “Come along, I hear you’re quite the strategic mind yourself, you can help me solve the last problem I have to figure out.” Azula moved to lock the door to her office, at which Bumi raises his brow quizzically.

“Tunnels,” she explains. “I don’t like being stopped in the hallways.” Bumi moves the piece of furniture that blocked his original entrance and follows Azula.

When the stone door closes behind them, Azula lights her palm. Bumi had seen Azula’s fire before on trips to the Fire Nation, but he had never seen it so up close. It was so many different colors, almost like stained glass.

“It’s called Dragon Fire,” Azula says. “When I was a teenager I could bend blue flames. I came to find out, fire benders are not supposed to bend fire that hot without special training. As a result, I lost my bending. It took a lot of healing, but when I was ready, my brother took me to the fire bending masters, and they taught me how to bend again, and then I was able to make these colorful dragon fire flames.”

“How did you lose your bending?” he asks. The only way he knew for people to lose their bending was his father’s avatar powers.

“Turns out, fire benders can quite literally burn themselves out.”

“That’s the self destruction you were talking about?”

“Very perceptive, Master Bumi,” she says. “Ahh, here we are.” Azula pushes on the stone and lets Bumi pass through the secret doorway before she exits herself. Bumi realizes they are close to the courtyard and festival space where Izumi’s party would later be held. Azula leads him into the center of the courtyard. He quickly does a turn around the scan the area. It’s bustling with staff who are setting up the tables and lanterns for the evening festivities.

“Guards are posted there, there, there, and there,”Azula says pointing to the four different locations. It’s a post at the main entrance, one at the back entrance, and one at each side entrance.

“What about the galleries?” Bumi asks immediately.

Azula smirks, “Smart, but that’s where I watch so that’s covered. No guests will be permitted up there without the Fire Lord’s approval.”

“Uncle Zuko will be on a dias, yes?”

“Yes with two Kyoshi warriors stationed there, and there,” she says pointing.

“Well it seems covered, especially with my dad, my mom, Aunt Toph, Uncle Sokka, and Aunt Suki all being here, so what’s the last issue you couldn’t work out?” Bumi asks.

“Poison” she answers. “Zuko and Izumi are fantastic fighters. I don’t have to worry as much about someone poisoning Zuko because he knows his safety protocol and he isn’t really one to socialize anyway, so it’s unlikely he will get something that has not passed through his layers of security.” She walks to the center of the courtyard, scanning the surroundings once again. “I know Izumi could take out a small army by herself because I trained her. And what she can’t do with fire bending, she can throw shuriken precisely enough to pin flies to a wall. When she’s in a fight, she’s almost undefeatable. So if anyone was trying to kill Izumi, they’d do it with poison. Since I’ll be spending most of the party of up there, I’ll have a dragon’s eye view of what happens on the courtyard grounds, but it will be difficult to keep track of everything.”

“Well if I am supposed to be Izumi’s special guest or whatever, why don’t I monitor on the ground? I’ll be on the ground and close to her the whole night. If I think something is suspicious, I’ll take Izumi’s cup or her food.”

“After you get in an argument with Izumi, the heir to the throne of the Fire Nation, you think that I would allow you to do poison control?” Azula asks, almost harshly.

Bumi looks shocked, “I’m upset with her but I’m not going to let someone hurt her!”

“You’re the son of two cultures against whom my people, whom my family represents, committed genocide and countless other atrocities. I’ve seen first hand the anger you hold since you have visited here so often, and I just saw you have an angry outburst at breakfast not even an hour ago, after you had an argument with her last night. Again, explain to me why I can trust you to protect Izumi.”

“I am not angry” Bumi whispers harshly, stressing every word. “I am not an angry person.”

“Then what are you?”

“I’m not angry…I’m just…” he stops for a beat. “I’m just lonely,” he says, his voice trailing off.

“And was it Izumi that made you feel lonely?”

“Maybe,” he says crossing his arms and letting his gaze fall to the cobblestone ground.

“So again, explain to me why I can trust you with Izumi’s life.”

In the silence between her question and Bumi’s answer, Aang finds himself on the galleries lining the courtyard.

“I don’t know what to tell you besides that I would do whatever I had to for her, just like I would for Tenzin,” Bumi says. “And Kya. Whatever they need, I would do in a heartbeat,” he adds.

Azula gives him a look, silently urging him to continue. Recognizing his son’s voice, Aang listens over the railing, hoping Bumi and Azula will not notice him.

“Tenzin is just as much an heir as Izumi is,” Bumi continues. “Tenzin’s the only Airbender born in over a century. He has a legacy to inherit, and its an unspoken understanding for Kya and me that Tenzin always comes first. If there’s a life or death situation and Tenzin’s in danger, the ultimate priority is Tenzin’s safety. Maybe not as much as Tenzin and Izumi, but Kya’s an heir too. There aren’t many fully Southern waterbenders, so she’s under a lot of pressure.”

Aang’s shoulders drop. When did he ever tell his two oldest that they would have to give up everything for Tenzin? When did Bumi get the idea that he had to take on the mantle of a protector? Had he really made them think they were expendable? And when did Bumi and Azula get so close?

“It is safe to assume that Tenzin does not live under the same expectation?”

“...He’s ten…”

“I was raised by a war lord to be a super weapon child solider, and your dad became a fully realized avatar at 12. You and I do not have the same inherent understanding of the relationship between age and ability.”

“Umm then no, Tenzin doesn’t have the same expectation. But he’s little, it would be unfair to expect anything else from him.” Bumi explains confusedly.

Azula regards Bumi for a moment. She’s made him vulnerable, and he’s clearly uncomfortable airing his thoughts like this. However, he is still honest, and she admires that about him. “Is that the source of the loneliness?” Azula asks, her voice becoming a little softer.

“Spirits, is this therapy?” Bumi asks, exasperation obvious in his voice.

Azula laughs, genuinely. “Oh no, that’s worse,” she says jokingly, and Bumi chuckles. “At the end of firebender therapy you dance for your life in front of two monstrously sized dragons.”

“What is wrong with the Fire Nation?” At that, Azula laughs again. In the corner of her eye, she catches the swatch of yellow clothes up on the gallery. She and Aang make the briefest of eye contact before her gaze falls back to Bumi. Bumi glances to where she looked, and he catches the sad expression on Aang’s face.

“I have a luncheon to get to, but stop by my office again around 4 to go over the details of your position, hmm?”

“Sure thing,” he says without looking away from his dad.

“Remember what I said about being open to being helped. It’s hard to get better unless you are.”

Azula turns on her heel and leaves the courtyard.

———————————————————————————

Azula walks to Zuko’s office before going to find Izumi and Kiyi for the luncheon.

“I swear to Agni, if she ever hurts that boy’s feelings again, we’re sending her to stay with that wretched Earth Princess in Ba Sing Se for a month!”

Post Note: I’m pretty sure the Earth Queen from LOK and Izumi are around the same age. The Earth Queen sucks and I imagine she always did. Also sorry Izumi isn’t in this chapter. Her part didn’t really fit the theme of the chapter.

#avatarstories #I'm back but briefly #izumi's birthday

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datninjalyfe · 4 years

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Stay, Part 1: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Self-Destruction in 3...2...1

The dance was a week away and all Katsuki could think about was what Yoyo had said. Maybe he was attracted to Izuku and maybe he wasn’t. He had no idea. But he found it incredibly hard to concentrate on his school work, that’s for sure. He had Izuku’s number and would occasionally try to text him, but when he would type something out, he would delete it immediately. But once he had finally had a chance to sit down and convince himself to do homework, he suddenly got a notification on his phone.

He practically threw his pencil down. He held his breath, thinking that it may have been Izuku. He didn’t even stop to think, but when he looked at his phone, his phone fell from his hands. “Fucking hell,” he mumbled picking it up and unlocking the screen. It was just Camie, who had commented on one of his posts: Dayyyumm lookin like a snack boiii. He rolled his eyes but liked the comment anyway. He really wanted to see if Izuku would like it. He did look good in the post—he was unzipping his U.A. jacket when Mina asked him to do it again after training one day in the gym. His skin glistened with sweat and she yelled at him how to pose. He found himself actually liking the picture and asked her to send it to him so he could post it. It got more likes than he originally thought.

He and Camie had also talked a lot more since she agreed to come to the dance. To Kirishima’s demise, Katsuki had actually grown to like her, even if she was a total airhead. They texted back and forth, in between classes and outside of normal school hours. She was really flirty and seemed super easy, which is Katsuki’s case, was exactly what he needed. Something, or someone, to take his mind off of Izuku.

She had texted him right after she commented and it read: you plus me equals YAS PLEASE! He shook his head and laughed. He asked her what she was going to wear to the dance to which she responded: depends I want to match you so wear something hot and here’s a hint…red’s my color. He got the gist of it. They’d likely have sex. One way for Katsuki to realize if he actually had feelings for Izuku for not.

Katsuki heard some of the other students outside of his door. He wished he could get a little quiet, but they were running up and down the hallways. There were study rooms in the dorms that had soundproof walls, so he thought that maybe he could get some quiet to just think. He went into a drawer and pulled out another notebook. This one was a journal, a sort of diary. He was a pretty angry kid and his dad thought that getting him a journal would help calm his nerves. Truthfully, it did and he kept the original that his dad got for him. Back then, he wrote in it every day. He got new ones, but wrote in them less frequently and after reading through them recently, he mostly got over whatever insignificant problem he was facing. But the original had in it his quirk and how hard it was to understand what was really happening to his body.

But he had a feeling that this entry he’d want to keep for a while, but he couldn’t write in it with all the noise from outside his room. He stuffed it down his pants and left the room, locking the door on his way out. He noticed a few of the girls in the hallway and Kirishima. How could he think girls stare at me when he’s literally hanging out with almost every girl in the class? He put his headphones in and started to head downstairs into the basement. Once he got to the study room, he looked around before pulling out the journal and opened the door. There was no one in there.

Except Izuku.

They were totally alone in this room. Just the two of them. No one could hear what was happening outside. And they wouldn’t be disturbed inside. His heart dropped and heat boiled in his chest. Dammit, what is wrong with me? Izuku was muttering to himself before he heard Katsuki close the door.

“Kacchan!” Izuku said, looking nervous. He laughed a little and said, “The girls were being kind of loud and it was hard to concentrate, but I want to get my homework done before the weekend starts. It’s okay, though, if you want the room to yourself.” Izuku started to pack up, stuffing his notebook into his All Might backpack that was falling apart. Katsuki didn’t mind that he was in here with him. Just that they were in the room alone together. What are you talking about, nothing will happen! He didn’t know how to make him stop packing his things. That he wouldn’t mind if Izuku stayed in there with him. That he was thankful it was him in here and no one else.

“You can stay if you want, I really don’t care. I was just—” he stopped him before saying he wanted to write in his journal. He didn’t want to seem—

What, gay? Is that the word you were thinking, Katsuki? Those thoughts raced around in his brain. Sometimes he was totally sure he wasn’t. Other times, he was sure he was bisexual, but only when Izuku was around, but those thoughts came before drifting off into a deep sleep. It’s not like they had done anything, so Katsuki couldn’t know for sure, right? “—those assholes outside my room are being loud and I’m finding it hard to focus on anything.”

Izuku stared at him for a second and opened his mouth. But right when it opened for him to say something, Izuku closed it again and pulled out his notebook. “If you’re sure.”

Katsuki nodded, but then added, “Just don’t be too loud, nerd.” without thinking about it. He clamped his mouth shut. And to his horror, Izuku smiled at that and went back to his work. Katsuki’s heart started to pound against his chest. They had one of their first real conversations in a while. Barely, but a full conversation, nonetheless. Katsuki sat down in the seat furthest from Izuku and put his headphones in. He was worried about what to write about with Izuku being right there, but decided the hell with it and jotted down some stuff like: Pros and Cons of being Bi…pro, you can make everyone your little bitch…con, people would judge…pro, maybe you’d convince Deku to love you…con, maybe he’d laugh at you…the list wasn’t very extensive, but he didn’t need it to be too deep right now. He just needed to get all of his thought down on the piece of paper.

“Um, Kacchan?” a little flute said. Katsuki’s head shot up at the sound and Izuku was standing over him, tapping him on the shoulder. Katsuki hovered over his notebook, trying to cover up what he was talking about without raising suspicion, but Izuku looked down at Katsuki’s desk. Katsuki slammed the notebook shut forcefully. They looked at each for a few moments before Izuku said, “S-s-sorry to bother, but I d-d-definitely need some help with the physics problem in the homework. Number 10, did you get it already?”

Katsuki nodded. “Yeah, lemme take a look.” He got up and followed Izuku back to the desk. Izuku sat down and Katsuki leaned over next to his shoulder. Izuku didn’t reek of cologne like Kirishima did, but instead a subtle citrus scent that tickled Katsuki’s nose, like a certain lemon tea Katsuki likes to drink. The curls in his dark green hair were tangled together and as Izuku tried to discuss the problem, all Katsuki could think about was running his fingers through Izuku’s hair, but tried to shake away that thought away. Don’t you fucking touch him, he thought to himself. But as Izuku explained the problem he was having and what he tried to do to solve it, Katsuki was hardly paying attention, only looking at the way his lips moved when he spoke. Katsuki leaned in, actually trying to focus on what Izuku was saying, but when he went in closer, Izuku’s voice filled his ears, almost like he was talking directly into them. Katsuki could hear him pause to inhale occasionally. All Katsuki wanted to do was pick him up, slam him against the desk and make passionate love to him.

Wait, no. No, no, no. Don’t think that! He told himself loudly in his head. He couldn’t look at him, just focus on the problem. This problem. What subject was Deku studying again?

He glanced down and instantly remembered it was physics they were talking about. He saw Izuku’s mistake and pointed at it. “This should be negative and shift around the formula a bit to find the answer. So divide the 3, but because of the distributive property, you have to do it to both of the stuff in the parenthesis.”

Izuku got quiet for a moment, muttering and repeating what Katsuki said a few times, staring intently at the problem. Katsuki could see the wheels in Izuku’s head turning and when the lightbulb went off and he got it, smiling. “Oh, right! T-thanks for the help, Kacchan.”

Katsuki went to thank him, but instead accidentally looked at him. His tangled mess of hair fell in front of his green eyes that pierced though him, but he couldn’t look away. Heat rose through his entire body and he picked Izuku up out of the chair by his shirt. “Kacchan!” Katsuki saw Izuku reach internally for One for All. Use it, put me in my place! He pushed Izuku up against the wall. Their gaze never left, both boys baring their teeth at one another. Katsuki growled for a moment, an involuntary sound coming from deep inside his chest. “What the hell I found the mistake, it was stupid, I’m sorry—,”

“Shut the hell up, you fucking nerd.” Katsuki said. Katsuki pushed him backward against the wall, making Izuku squeak slightly. “Christ, I can never get a fucking moment’s peace when you’re around!”

The door suddenly burst open. Iida and Uraraka stood in the doorway. “Bakugou, put him down this instant, this is not a training area!”

Guess this place isn’t exact 100% sound proof. But when looking over at them, he saw Todoroki standing in the doorway as well, looking worried. He gently put Izuku on the ground, but didn’t take his eyes off Todoroki. “Oh look, Deku—,” he said, laughing menacingly. “—it’s your prince. He’s come to fucking save you.” Everyone looked confused, but Katsuki couldn’t help himself. The words flew out of his mouth as he shouted, “I heard you two in the locker room. Going to ride the train home together. What the fuck for? Can’t take care of yourself, Deku, you need his protection—?”

“That’s none of your fucking business.” Todoroki said coldly. His gaze didn’t leave Katsuki either.

Katsuki turned and let out a few small sparks of an intense red explosion. Uraraka ran off seeing the two of them, but Katsuki paid her no mind. “I’ll blast you back to fucking hell, icy hot bastard!”

Todoroki’s left side ignited, his flames causing a slight gust of warm wind at that. “You’re no match for me. I could freeze your blasts in an instant, asswipe.”

The heat from Katsuki’s quirk rose into him. He had some of the same power that Todoroki had and assumed that Todoroki felt the same heat on his left side flowing through him. Todoroki, in the same way Katsuki threw his blasts, Todoroki threw his flames like a wall at the two of them. Izuku was about to jump out of the way, but Katsuki absorbed his flames. He called this move, “Eating fire” despite it being with his arms. He let the feeling Todoroki’s quirk run through his body. Fuck, this is hot. But he stood his ground, unfazed by the flame wall, as was Izuku. Todoroki was a formidable opponent, but only because of his ice. He smiled at the contest, and held up his hand. Like popcorn, the sweat in his hands snapped, but Todoroki true to his word, blocked it with an ice attack, but Katsuki quickly threw two more blasts—one to break the ice Todoroki just created and the other to blast Todoroki backwards. The bomb detonated and Todoroki was quickly thrown back against the wall.

“ENOUGH!” Mr. Aizawa entered the room and it went completely quiet. Katsuki was breathing heavily and Mr. Aizawa’s hair went straight up, looking at him in his eyes. They were angry that much was certain, but after eating Todoroki’s fire, Katsuki was sort of glad to be cooled off a little as the heat from his quirk left his body.

Sort of.

“You—,” Mr. Aizawa pointed at Todoroki. “And you—,” at Katuski, “and fucking you.” at Izuku. “Come with me. NOW.” He bellowed.

“Midoriya? He had nothing to do with this fight—,” Iida started to say, but Aizawa looked at him, his hair still straight in the air. Iida shut his mouth and bowed respectfully at the faculty member and the three boys followed him out of the study room.

They walked for a solid five minutes up the stairs, taking each one step at a time, not speaking to each other. Halfway up the staircase, Katsuki felt his quirk return to him and he could finally breathe again. They reached the third floor and Aizawa opened a door. “Inside.” He commanded and they obeyed.

It looked like a small apartment. There was a large kitchen that connected to a living space. Within the living space was a small tv and a couch. Off of the kitchen was a tiny dining room where there was a table. Eri sat at the table, coloring a picture. She looked up and saw the three of them. “Oh no, Deku—,” She got up, but Aizawa raised a hand.

“They are fine, Eri. I just need to scold them. Did you want to go ahead and watch some TV?” Aizawa asked. She nodded, getting up from the table. She made her way through the kitchen and into the living room, passing by the boys.

“Don’t scold them too much, okay?” Eri told Aizawa and he smirked.

“Not at all, just enough so they never fight in the building again. Go on, now.” Aizawa gestured her into the living room, where she sat down on the couch and turned the TV on, staring at a cartoon Katsuki used to watch as a kid. “You three, at the table.” They all went over to the table, their heads down. They sat next to each other, with Izuku in the middle, and Aizawa sat on the other side of the table. “Can someone tell me what happened?” When the three boys started talking at once, Aizawa’s hair shot up again, but even though he still felt the heat of his quirk, Aizawa’s intense stare was enough to shut them all up. “Midoriya, what happened?”

Izuku thought for a moment. “I, um, well. I asked Kacchan to help with a problem in my homework—,”

Aizawa’s eyebrows went up. He looked extremely surprised. “Bakugou was in there with you?”

The three boys nodded and Midoriya continued, “He helped me with a problem, but I must’ve said something that upset him because, well—he got really angry with me and that’s when Iida, Todoroki and Uraraka showed up.”

“Who started the actual fight?”

“I did.” said Katsuki and Todoroki at the same time.

Aizawa studied them for a moment. “Fine. The two of you are on house arrest for 3 days. I’ll give the cleaning staff the days off—,”

��I’m supposed to go home and get my stuff for the dance this weekend, though.” Todoroki started.

But Aizawa shook his head. “You two will not be going to the dance.” Bakugou opened his mouth to fight, but then closed it. He knew better than to argue with Aizawa. “The two of you will stay in the dorms and write apology letters to each other. Understood?” The two boys nodded. “Todoroki, you can go. Midoriya, you can leave too. But you—,” Aizawa reached in his pocket and unfolded Katsuki’s notebook. “I assume this is yours?” Katsuki went to reach for it, but Aizawa’s hair shot up. “We’ll be discussing this in length. Go ahead boys.”

Katsuki did his best to fight back tears, but it was too difficult. Aizawa had clearly read what was inside. Did he think him weak now? His shoulders moved with his inconsistent breathing. “Kacchan.” the little flute said, like a hand reaching out with its voice.

“He’ll be okay. Go on back to your rooms. And behave yourselves.” Aizawa told them warningly. They waited until they heard the door close and Katsuki cried into his hands.

“Are you hurt?” a voice asked. Katsuki sniffled, peeling back his hands. It was Eri. She was so tiny, looking up at him. Katsuki shook his head as Eri reached out and touched his face. “Don’t be sad. It’ll all be okay.”

“Thanks.” Katsuki said to her, genuinely meaning it. She bowed to him and went back to her TV show. Katsuki looked at Aizawa. “I assume you read it?”

Aizawa’s eyes narrowed. “Not on purpose. I assumed it was homework for one of the three of you. But when I glanced at the opened page, it was hard to.”

“You must think I’m weaker than before.” Katsuki said.

“Weaker?” Aizawa said. “Why would I think that? Because of what you wrote? In truth, I thought it was Midoriya’s. But now looking at this, at all of this—,” he nodded but looked at Katsuki with the strong stare. “Being different doesn’t give you the right to be mean to people, Bakugou.”

“I just…I can’t help it. Especially when—,” sniffle, “—he’s around. I get filled with heat so intense it actually feels like it’s going to sear my skin off.”

“So, you got mad at him and threw his friend against the floor?” Aizawa said, shaking his head. “That doesn’t seem like the way to win someone over, does it?”

Katsuki thought for a moment. He thought about telling Aizawa that he didn’t like Izuku. That is was all a big misunderstanding. “You think I’m weak now, don’t you?”

“I don’t look at you any differently than I did before. Because you’re still a snotnose little shit.” A small smile crept across the teacher’s face. “But you’re strong. Maybe use the extra heat he gives you as fuel. It might help you control your quirk instead of losing control of it.” Katsuki was quiet. He’s heard a lot of honest words for the past few days now. “You are trying to turn yourself into something you aren’t and that will drive you crazy. You were able to stop Todoroki’s fire and after he used his ice, you were able to use your quirk to get him on the ground. I wouldn’t say that’s weakness. Though—,” he smirked. “—you need to work on your technique.”

Katsuki smirked back. He missed Aizawa as his teacher and in that moment, wished he could come back. “Yeah, alright.” He yawned. “I should head to bed now. Just…don’t tell anyone for now. I want to get things figured out.”

Aizawa nodded, got up and held the door open for Katsuki. As he passed, Aizawa handed him his journal. When Katsuki left, the door closed behind him and Katsuki went back to his room. It was dark, but he was too tired turn on the lights, so he used his phone as a flashlight to take his clothes off, put on some new underwear and was about to climb into bed when his phone vibrated in his hand.

It was a text from Camie: ‘actually scratch that not red…maybe blue? Or purple? I think purple would look so hot on you!’ Bakugou looked at the text and reread it, unsure of how to tell her he could no longer go, but thought the best to at least be honest: ‘I got into a fight and now I can’t go.’ A few minutes past before he got another text: ‘Bummer!’ He sighed. It was a fucking bummer. ‘What happened?’ She asked. He responded with: ‘I got into a fight.’ Camie sent a text so quickly, Katsuki was sure she hadn’t even read it. ‘Damn you are a bad one, aren’t you?’ Katsuki laughed and replied, ‘You have no idea.’

A few minutes past before Katsuki looked at the time and figuring she fell asleep, he closed his eyes before he felt the phone vibrate once more against his chest: ‘Let’s find out how badddd you really are. Wanna meet up?’ He thought about it for a moment, thinking of replying that he was too tired, but was he really? ‘Sure, when?’ She responded almost immediately with, ‘Right now asshole. Meet up at The Rage. It’s halfway between where I am and you are.’ She sent the address and it was two hours away by train, which was the only way for Katsuki to get to her. But by the looks of it, it would take her two hours too. ‘Whoever gets there first owes the other one!’ He piled out of bed, putting on a tank top and some jeans. It may have been a little too warm even for that, but what did he care? Before leaving, he went into the bottom drawer of his dresser and pulled out a box of condoms, sticking one in his wallet. And like a thief in the night, he left, texting her, ‘see you there.’

---

From the train, he finally reached the stop that he was supposed to get off at and left the station. It was just him and some guy at the end of the car who was snoring loudly. He was really thankful to be able to get off U.A. campus, even for just a moment. He’d seen teachers use an entrance and figured that was the way to get in and out without tripping the alarm. No cops were called, so he figured he was right. They certainly would have followed him on the train, but he was the only one riding at 1AM. He exited the car at the correct stop and started walking towards the club.

“Turn right.” said his phone, giving him directions loudly in his ears.

He didn’t care that he was breaking the rules.

He opened the door to an establishment called The Rage. It was dark inside, with lights flashing different colors all around. It was enough to give him a headache and wake him up from the train ride all at once. He suddenly felt someone touch his arm.

“Aha!” said a voice. “Beat you!”

He turned and she stood there, looking hot as ever. She wore a pink shirt that was cut at the bottom, showing off her tiny waist line. She clearly wasn’t wearing a bra and was also in jeans like he was, but hers left nothing to the imagination.

“Come on!” she said. “You owe me since I beat you here!”

He smiled playfully and pulled her in close as people crowded around the dance floor. “Tell me what you want.” he said in her ear. She turned around, pushing herself up against him.

“How about I show you what I want instead.” Camie said through a long kiss. He kissed her back, closing his eyes. She opened his mouth with her tongue and licked his teeth. She pulled away from him, but then grabbed his neck and pulling him down, looked at him in his eyes and said, “Let’s play first!”

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him out to the dance floor where there was a mob of people, all grinding and dry humping each other like animals in the pit of the club. She bent forward and he pushed against her, rhythmically moving to the beat of the music. It felt good, but it was just a tease. He grabbed her waist and grinded against her. After a few songs, she pulled on his shirt and he followed her into a dirty bathroom. Not like he cared. She locked the door behind her and right when she did that, he spun her around and hoisted her up onto the sink. He kissed the top of her chest, and when he motorboated her, she smacked him and he playfully bit her ear.

“I didn’t tell you to stop.” she told him and he leaned down, kissing her hard. He pulled off his shirt and pushed himself against her. “You still owe me, you know.”

She took off her shirt and looked up at him. Even with her hoisted on the sink, he towered over her. “What did you have in mind?”

“Let me show you.” she whispered.

Licking his teeth, he pushed her hips towards him. She leaned her head back, exposing her bare neck. “You ready?”

“Hells yeah.” came her response and she didn’t need to say anymore.

---

“I normally say this a lot, but this time, I actually mean it: that felt amazing. Want a second round?” she asked.

But he was too tired and had already been way out past curfew as it is. He pulled off his condom, flushing it down the toilet. He grabbed his pants and the two of them got dressed. She leaned over to kiss him and when she did, he felt nothing for her. It was a good fuck and he’d for sure want to do that again, but the kiss wasn’t anything special. When Katsuki opened the door, he was met face to face with someone who screamed at him for taking too long in the bathroom. Katsuki put his headphones in and piled his hair back into his beanie, but the guy grabbed his shoulder and yelled, “Dumbass, I’m talking to you, asshole!”

Katsuki looked at the man’s hand and back at him. “Move your hand or I’ll move it for you.”

Camie came out of the bathroom and when the man saw her, he laughed and said, “Damn, can’t keep it in your pants, can you? Not that I blame you, she’s definitely—,”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll end you.” Katsuki warned him.

“Ha! I’d like to see you try!” the man whistled at Camie. “Come here, baby, and I’ll show you a good time—,”

It only took one blast for Katsuki to send this man flying through the walls of the club. The music kept playing, but all the sudden, he was tackled to the ground and being yelled at by security. They pushed him down and placed handcuffs on him.

‘Shit,’ he thought as he was dragged out of the nightclub. He turned around to see Camie had vanished. ‘How the hell am I going to explain this?’

(previous) (next)

#bakudeku #bakugou x midoriya #mha bakugou #mhadeku #katsudeku #katsuki x izuku #izukatsu #izubaku #myficstay

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helisol · 5 years

Text

ye s, well

it basically came to me like a prophet receiving a vision from an angry god. you know. like brian david gilberts video ideas but with more slow burn.

no really i wrote all this down in my phone’s note app because some nearly coherent things popped up in my head every time i was on the train or bus these last few days.

(after-actually-writing-this disclaimer/note: this is 2000 words of slightly edited rambling about Bagginshield in the Afterlife. i had to put it in a read more.)

so the gist of it

the botfa goes just as in the movie with minor details altered. like bilbo kissing thorin just before he dies which inadvertently causes a ripple in time and space that makes the valar curious of them both. you know. minor stuff.

so bilbo goes back to the shire, the war of the ring goes down, and the hobbit/elf gang sails to valinor at the end. classic stuff, not much alternating of universes here.

but here’s where things turn into the “my city now” meme because DUDE DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT VALINOR AND HOW THE AFTERLIFE WORKS

like, I’m sorry mister jolkien rolkien tolkien, but just putting people into a hall to await being judged like a hospital waiting room? snooze, that’s boring!

so first of all, and you can fight me on this, Yavanna Made The Hobbits And You Can’t Change My Mind.

it just makes sense for her to have been very saddened by the destruction of literally all her work on arda through melkor’s poison, so she made living, growing things that could protect themselves from harm. as opposed to the ents, by the way, which were made by Eru to protect all the other living, growing things. it was a nice gesture of Eru to make those, but not quite what Yavanna wanted or had in mind, i imagine.

as with the dwarves, Eru wasn’t all happy about the existence of another race he didn’t make but you know, whatever, ‘I’ll just let this married couple have their own kids aside from mine, it’s okay’.

so he hands both the dwarves and the hobbits independent thought and free will, but under the condition (and here is where the afterlife stuff comes into play) that Aule and Yavanna be responsible for their mortal creations after their death. meaning that both races have seperate afterlives from the halls of mandos, MEANING THAT ITS COMPLETELY FINE FOR AULE AND YAVANNA TO BE LIKE “oh look honey, these two are so very in love and remind me of us, shan’t we do something about that?”

so. they do something about that. more precisely, they rearrange their afterlife-realms so they’re next to each other and someone with enough willpower could cross through the barrier. because listen, they’re valar, they can do whatever they want just for kicks.

okay so after that tangent lets get back to the meat of the matter: gay dwarves. I know not everyone has read Sansukh, a 500k word mammoth of a fic, and I don’t really intend to copy any of det’s canon, but their version of The Halls of Mahal really inspired me. basically the dwarven afterlife is one big hunk of a mountain/underground city where they’re free to live their days until dagor dagorath doing what they do best in the company of their families and friends; like smithing, crafting, building and other JustDwarrowThings.

meanwhile the hobbit afterlife is Basically The Shire and instead of being given the materials to build things, all the hobbits who go there get to grow plants and do their gardening. they don’t have to- just like none of the dwarves have to craft stuff- since there’s always enough food for everyone, but they are just allowed to do what they do best if they so desire.

now when Bilbo arrived in the undying lands he was still Old As Hell and im sorry to put it this way, he definitely kicked the can after like, a week of living there. not really so undying, them lands, huh. anyway Bilbo bites the dust and LOOK AT THAT he’s suddenly young again, and another LOOK AT THAT he’s standing in a very comfy, but Not Quite Bag End hobbit hole that has a note hung up on the front door. you wouldn’t think gods could have handwriting but hey, again, they’re gods they can do whatever. the note just tells him that yavannah made this place special and just for Bilbo but that there’s another home waiting for him. very cryptic there, lady. he doesn’t leave at first because hey, his family is here. there’s a lot of reunions and celebrating and food because its the fucking hobbit afterlife, what else would you expect

it takes him a few days of Regular Hobbit Life in his new home to realise ‘holy shit, this is so boring’ so what does a Fool of a Took do when things get boring and there’s a note urging him to do something?

HE’S GOING ON AN ADVENTURE

so Bilbo runs through the whole not-shire, meeting all sorts of people he outlived on the way (looking at you, Lobelia), as well as some elves. because elves can definitely just waltz through all the afterlives. they can walk on top of snow, you think they wouldn’t walk around wherever they please in valinor? rip to mankind, but they’re different.

he gets to the furthest reaches of it eventually, and lo and behold, what awaits him but the view of a tall mountain, an invisible barrier and a very flustered Thorin who is at his wits end as to how Bilbo even got here.

now for thorin’s part of the story we’ll have to start after the botfa again. he basically woke up in the darkness like an episode of naked and afraid, and started talking to Aule. his maker, who loves him to bits by the way since he made thorin, just tells him he’s free to go wherever his heart takes him. again with the cryptic messages from the gods.

so thorin, still very self-loathing and bitter because of his actions right before his death, sees this as Mahal’s way of saying ‘please don’t step foot in my halls u disgusting litle creacher’, when really he just meant ‘please do some well deserved self reflecting and then come inside to be with your family, they all miss you terribly’.

after his chat with the maker thorin just spawns in right at the front gate of the mountain and he has a choice to make. go inside or stay outside. and we all know Thorin’s proclivity for drama so he basically spends LITERAL YEARS just living in self imposed solitary confinement.

oh also tiny hc here, thorin was said to have taken “any work offered to him in the towns of men”, and they showed him in a smithy, but personally I believe they meant it when they said “any kind of work”. so basically thorin is a jack of all trades, master of some. he definitely has master-level skills in certain areas though, enough to build a vaguely hobbit-hole shaped house. why is it hobbit hole shaped?

oh right, the part where Thorin is absolutely enamoured with Bilbo.

"Go back to your books and your armchair, plant your trees, watch them grow. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”- HELLO? GAY POLICE? I’D LIKE TO REPORT A CASE OF ‘DWARF KING REALISING THAT THE HOBBIT WAY OF LIVING IS A REALLY GREAT ONE IN CONCEPT / WISHING HE COULD HAVE HAD THAT KIND OF LIFE WITH BILBO’

anyway it’s a long 80 years until Thorin does get to meet Bilbo again, and in the meantime we have one of my favorite additions to any Hobbit fanfic ever: Frerin

For the uninitiated, Frerin is Thorin’s brother. They also have a sister, Dís, but Tolkien never specified when she died and she was a bit younger than Thorin and Frerin so I reckon she’d still be alive as an old dwarf lady somewhere?

Anyway, Frerin. Oh boy. Sansukh, again, does an excellent job at turning Frerin into a character with a level of authenticity that gets real fucking close to Genuine Tolkien™, so most of my own characterisation of Frerin is based on that in Sansukh. With the important omission of the dwarves not being able to see the present/their still alive loved ones in middle earth through a magic mirror pool.

so Frerin takes it upon himself to leave the mountain in search of his brother because he really does want him back. but also because Mahal has had it with Thorin’s antics and suggests Frerin fetch him so he can finally reunite with his family. Mahal doesn’t talk to the dwarves a lot because he’s like an awkward and distant dad, but he does actually speak to them.

so Thorin is supposed to go see his family, which he does, but not immediately. it takes like, a solid year of just brotherly (and sister-sonly) companionship for him to open up about all his anxieties and regrets and THEN he goes into the mountain to cry in his mother’s lap. as you do.

however Thorin still feels like he doesn’t 100% belong with the other dwarves in there, so he frequently spends long stretches of time outside, building away at his house, thinking about Bilbo. the company goes out to visit him sometimes.

more details on the house tho, cuz it’s Important; it’s built halfway into a hill near the mountain, like a proper hobbit hole would be, but the lower levels are built into stone. look, he’s had 80 years to work on constructing this. it’s near perfect in every way for both hobbit and dwarf standards and could definitely fit the entire company and more inside.

now about the barrier. elves can pass through without a second thought because they’re shiny little bastards who just get to do all the cool stuff, but the other races can’t just hop between realms like that; they really have to muster up the willpower. which usually means they can’t do it because a drawback for both dwarves and hobbits is that they favor isolation from other races even in death, and as such don’t want to mingle with each other.

unless you’re Bilbo Badass Baggins though, who simply runs through the barrier to yell at Thorin for leaving him sad and alone for 80 years. he is that bitch.

there’s gonna be some legolas and gimli shenanigans if i can fit them in (cuz i dont know when exactly they sailed west together), possibly a mention of tauriel because bruh peter jackson did us dirty by not giving her any closure besides ‘lol i guess she’s banished from mirkwood??’ and Mairon. because. I also have some thoughts about him.

also Fili and Kili as pseudo matchmakers because every fic needs that

and did I mention there’s gonna be hozier lyrics for chapter titles

i said this was the gist of it but i somehow ended up at ~1900 words. well, more power to me.

#bagginshield #the hobbit #bagginshield afterlife au #this is the most coherent plot summary I've ever done for a fic so please enjoy the trash #also it's my sleepover and I get to pick which parts of canon i'll adhere by

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virdityshattred · 4 years

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My favorite things about all of my muses

Micheal: His mentality which is ‘ I don’t care about being perfect. I know I’m a terrifying monster that would do horrid things. But i will do the best i can to make things a little better.’ They are strong indeed but it's never been robust strength. They're strong and powerful because of knowledge. Just because they are bygone consequently not exactly ‘ angelic’ despite this he introduces his swords to others as his ‘ children’

From the minute which humanity was crafted knew Lucifer would most likely rebel because knowing them very well. They didn’t do anything to stop not because they don’t love and care for them it’s BECAUSE THEY LOVE THEM. Would rather respect what they will do and won’t instead of force them to not, they do fight them fiercely in the war but to give to be fair and ended the war NOT because again they don’t care, not because they suddenly only thought them to be their enemy --- just because they were only doing what was necessary. They ended the war because they weren’t going to condone the mass suffering going on. You know, fire everywhere, angels on both sides killing each other in cold blood, lots of yelling. Just another day in paradise. The impact all of that was having on those who remain neutral in the war, the consequences of the angels siding on their side and Lucifer’s sides. It’s inevitable that Lucifer wasn’t going to stop naturally Micheal made the exchange. Never held ill intentions just wished things could’ve been different.

~~~~

Mikael: [ female Micheal] : She’s loved romantically once her lover died in war, now isn’t interested in loving anyone else she wasn’t willing to let go of them at first. She turned her suffering into a strength and recovers from the pain of the past while holding onto the memory because she did find out who killed her one time lover kills them. Holds onto the memory of her lover because of honor refuses to have any others after that.

She is knowledgeable because she takes her time to strategically plan and learn other things. Male does that too but can be restless while they plan which has to do with their compassion. Mikael ‘s flame which they are driven by is ‘ all purpose’

she’s generally positive a nurturing mother and queen but it’s clear what is meant by ‘ all purpose’ they cover all the aspects of what fire is and can be , they created it and it’s theirs alone to wield. In contrast with with male she’s more of an archangel of the faithful side of war,cruel but benevolent mother of war as well as well as a mother to those who need one.

She came to be the queen of heaven because as youngling she was already ten steps ahead and takes time to self teach herself the essentials she’d possibility need when her time comes to fully step into her purpose while having fun that any kid would. Male was more focused upon learning to fend based on observing the world, was actually God who suggested that a sword mayyyy be a better technique for survival. Later on before the whole mess with the war she steps into it and tells God who agrees to keep a watch on things from far but not exactly intervene. Male was just a bit slow to embracing it but at some point before the war did step up to embrace it as ‘ a leader ‘ but not the official one yet, but that doesn’t make them any less fierce but that’s not the point really, it's more me saying I'm proud of how i crafted/ worded the differences between them.

She’s pretty kickass but the fact she isn’t self destructive but can be insecure about certain things but chooses to stand strong for the sake of others being another reason she’s more of an archangel of the faithful side of war.

~~~

Lucifer: Before the war he was seen as some delicate flower but he’s unpredictable in the way that it looks like that he’s not afraid to kickass. They are soft as the ‘ better’ version of Micheal but that doesn’t mean they won’t bite back. After the fall and that whole mess of course at first they were angry and eventually decides to stop being like that and grows up to do better in a lawful good fashion. NOT to become the ‘ better version ‘ of themselves.

Briathos: They’re a abnormal type of angel when was young they didn’t look angelic they were deemed inferior next to others and weaker. They had a monstrous appearance had werewolf like fangs their eyes are cold which have a look in them like ‘ die’ but is still technically angelic. Was never exactly raised by anyone because when he’d be cared for by anyone they’d be too bigoted to see that and were quick to drop him. They hoped to be accepted but didn’t get that until Micheal did give them exactly that even than they’d never been broken they never whined but before Micheal they only aspired to be stronger and rise above their ‘ angelic’ self and denies it. They are lawful good despite being different. They have a different of expressing things which tends to come off as cruel but that doesn't always mean that they mean what they say. They are loyal to only Micheal and would never be loyal to anyone else. They'd interact with others only because they insist but will never commit friendship and what not but will give try to give A chance. They're not the one to give second chances being the reclusive type not exactly optimistic. They're either lawful good but can be morally grey it all depends but in the end they do have goodness in them even if they don't always see it in themselves, tends to forget that they do because they choose to deny being ' angelic'.

[ Yes,the big G is a muse of mine but is really selective. They like to pop up at very unexpected times---that's normal lol. ]

The creator: To be fair they don't play favorites,not ever. They favor the stronger of their creations because of their personality the ones who are more worth while taking interest, which is brutal but that's to be expected. They don't execute right away they give warnings but if you keep up said behavior,insist on doing the thing you get a punishment which is suitable according to the behavior/ the thing. They’d be hard on their creations [ mainly angels] they know they have have potential and wants them to see that in themselves. That goes back into why they don’t give second chances. Condescending & merciful supreme dad.

@tricksterreformed, @dexilishways, @featheredhunter, @crackedhalo16

#(( occ)#(( lets turn this into a meme thingy #tag me in it :3 #what's your favorite thing #about your muse or muses #:D

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logan-baines · 4 years

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(Thomas Doherty, 21, male, he/him) The war is about to start LOGAN BAINES. We see that you will be fighting for NEITHER family as a CATACLYST. He reminds me of BLOODY KNUCKLES, BLACK COFFEE, WINDY DAYS, BONFIRES, WHISKEY and PANCAKES WITH MAPLE SYRUP. We wish you luck.

Physical details...

Height: 5′9″

Scars: Burns on arm and shoulder, scars on knuckles, a few small burns and scars around right eye.

Tattoos: A poke tattoo on the inside of his left wrist.

Past

TW: Mild sexual harassment near the end

Logan grew up in Chatham Ontario, a small city near Windsor, just across the River from Detroit. Besides biker gangs and factory gigs, there wasn’t much in Chatham, not even for someone as smart as Logan. When he was quite small, it was apparent to his teachers that he was pretty gifted when it came to understanding science and math but not very gifted when it came to understanding his emotions. He was never mean but he would get angry and didn’t know why exactly. Someone would mention going on a family vacation or that their Dad was coming home from a business trip or that they were going to visit their dad...eventually, it became clear what the problem was to everyone but him.

Logan’s mother did the best she could but the feeling of abandonment by his deadbeat dad left a gaping hole in him that couldn’t be filled up. He tried to fill the empty space with causes, sticking up for kids being bullied on the playground, getting into fights, playing soccer until the more elite kids decided he wasn’t high class enough to play with them. At the end of the day he would watch all the other kids get picked up from school before his mother finally found the time to get him. He didn’t mind the wait, that’s what he told himself, what he could admit he minded was the look of exhaustion etched into his mother’s every feature. It was taking all she had to keep him and herself afloat with their business, Logan couldn’t shake the feeling that he was literally killing her.

Maybe she would be better off without me...

It started out as a small, intrusive thought when he saw her jogging towards him, beyond the small chainlink fence that surrounded the schoolyard. The thought took root and grew with every day, he saw his brilliance as a wasted gift, given to some leach and squandered it, using it to cause trouble. When he was eight, his mischief resulted in him blowing up a school bathroom, a move that almost got him expelled. All the while, his mother didn’t flinch, didn’t yell, she was just there and she was so kind and it infuriated him.

Why can’t she hate me?

As grew, he began to start fires, fascinated by the way they could eat up the world around them, the way he wanted to. He eventually started doing drugs, first it was just weed but before too long he was on to much harder substances, chasing oblivion perhaps, trying to get to a place where he didn’t have to feel. All he could see around him was suffering...Logan had started so many fires, he didn’t even notice when they started happening without explanation. The fires eventually caught the attention of the police and eventually, they connected them back to Logan.

As a teen, he’d been arrested for a fire set behind a laundromat, this one he could not explain but he had been there when it sparked, camera footage attested to it. Without the evidence to convict they let him go, after all, the video didn’t show him starting the fire. The situation was vexing for both Logan and the police, Logan knew he wasn’t exactly innocent but he also knew that certain officers on the force had been gunning for him to end up in jail. As he got older, it seemed their dreams may come true, that their prediction that the troubled kid of a single hardworking mom would fuck up his life so badly he’d do hard time. They might have gotten what they wanted, had things not gotten incredibly weird...

The business his mother ran, was a little inn, a bed n’ breakfast in a city that drew in no tourists. Instead of travellers, The two of them lived in a little apartment in the attic, with two bedrooms and low sloped ceilings. Logan’s room was messy as you might expect but it was also full of books and tinkering projects. If he wasn’t such a waste of space, if he applied himself at school he would have gone on to be an astrophysicist. What he wanted more than anything was to be a part of the push to deep space travel. The inn may have sucked the life out of his mother but it also was his home, not every memory had been bad there and the last thing he wanted to see was the place go up in smoke.

In the absence of tourists, the inn was filled with truckers, old folks after church on Sunday and on occasion, bikers. On Monday nights, the tables in the dining room would be pushed aside as the space was rented for dance lessons and Wednesdays they hosted the Chatham photography club meetings. Thursday nights was usually when they came, the rowdy ones, the bikers. They got drunk without fail and would hit on his mother but nothing more than a fairly lewd comment was said. As a child they scared him but as an twenty one year old young man with a penchant for fire, they angered him. A comment became a touch, which became a fight in which he was vastly outnumbered, then came the heat and the sparks.

All around him, his family home and livelihood, it was all being eaten away by frantic tongues of red yellow and orange, the air was filling with smoke and for a moment he wanted to stay in it. His mother called his name and he snapped back to reality, he ran to her, as she ran to him and they managed to escape what was becoming the wreckage of everything. The two of them stood outside in the cold, watching the building become a pillar of flame, they were numb to it though, somehow by this point it just felt like another thing that happened. In the distance Logan could hear the sirens and knew what he was in for.

Logan spent the night alone in a cell, the next morning, when the door to the holding room was opened, he was confused to see that it was his mother...standing there with a man who seemed to look an awful lot like him...

Present

Logan is currently coming to grips with the fact that he’s a cataclyst and that his father is the boss of those cataclysts who live in Cresthill. After the fire, his father sorted things out with the police and brought him to Cresthill to learn about himself and what he is. Being an illegitimate child, he’s forced to keep his connection to the patriarch a secret so as not to jeopardize his father’s rule over the coven. He lived in a hotel room...for all of five minutes it seemed, almost immediately word got out about who he was and he moved into the family “estate” as they called it.

Logan isn’t used to being on the other side of the tracks, he’s not used to having resources and access to things, what he is used to is feeling like an outsider. He continues to dress as he had before, in used, worn out clothes and he keeps to himself for the most part. His father has him taking online classes to boost his GPA for application to colleges and he’s managed to, much to the chagrin of everyone it seems, score a job at a local auto shop.

Future?

Logan is...trying but his bad habbits and addictive tendancies are hard to fight. After the fire he wants to be a better person for his mother but it remains to be seen if he can. What Logan has long denied and continues to deny is that he has potential, heaps of it, as a cataclyst, a scientist and generally as a person. Will he self destruct and bring the whole place down with him or rise to the occasion? All of that remains to be seen....

#bio #about #bloodshed:intro

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boldly-fxcking-go-bitches · 4 years

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Solo Para | Scotty | Adoption

Word Count: 1,350 TW: Death Mention, Alcoholism, Infant Death, Self Destruction, Suicidal Thoughts

When Carolyn announced her pregnancy, it was almost more of a formality. It had been no secret between them that the little redhaired lass, with her thick Scottish accent, love of engineering, and a face that matched his wife’s, who had accidentally traveled back in time to the Enterprise and led to the adoption of Rebecca, was their little girl.

He was excited to meet her and raise her to the point she’d been at when he’d first met her in 2263.

But there were complications. Medicine should have been more advanced than this happening, and in fact it was, but things weren’t perfect. Carolyn and their baby were lost in childbirth.

He’d fallen into despair. He took an extended leave from his commission, not knowing if he really wanted to go back. Stopped seeing any of his old friends, even Rebecca and Jaylah, much as he cared for those girls. Just shut himself into his house and drank. Heavily.

It was all he knew how to do, it seemed, until that same teenager reappears in his living room.

“I s’pose it was only a ma’er of time before you showed up,” he remarks to her when he sees her in the doorway, wondering if he’s just imagining it.

“I didn’t know you ended up like this, or it would have been sooner,” she answers, stepping in. “Look, I know it wasn’t fair--”

“No! No, you don’t realize how it was. I could have saved her.” His face shows how much pain he’s in. “You could have said something, anything, that would have spared her--”

“And what would it have led to? I didn’t know the potential consequences if I had! I could have been the next Nero, altering time and changing the history I knew, forever altering my life and the world I came from. Wha’ would you have me do?! Potentially give up the only family I had on the chance she’d make it?! You migh’ no’ have even met me if I tried! D’ya think I didn’t want to?”

They both pause at that, and she sighs, shaking her head, growing quieter. “Of course I wanted to. But even if I could have brought myself t’ do it, how would I have even said it? Look me in the eyes, tell me how I was supposed to tell you both she died in childbirth? That I knew exactly what you were thinking, but that I was adopted after she died? How, dad, how was I supposed to tell you that when you both were so happy? You adopted a different daughter together that day, without knowing it, how was I supposed to rob you of that?”

He looks away, and they lapse into silence for a long minute.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t even know why I’m still here when they’re no’...”

She turns to him at his admission, shocked, walking over and grabbing his shoulders, shaking him a bit and getting him to look at her. “Do you see me? Because you’re looking at why. There’s a six-year-old girl out there who needs you. She doesn’t know it yet and believe me, she’s no’ going t’ believe she does. She doesn’t think she’s worthy of love. But she needs you, and now I see that you need her, too. You are not defeated yet. Captain Montgomery Scott, and I’ll be damned if I let you behave like you are anymore. Get up, go clean up.”

“Wha’ for?” He asks, whining a bit when she pulls the bottle in his hands away from him.

“You’re going to go see yer other daughter. Rebecca. She’s probably worried sick and I cannae say I blame her for it. Go.” She glares at him.

He sighs but finally gets up to comply. After a fresh change he comes back to his living room to see the girl cleaned it up somewhat. “What is yer name, lass? Really, this time.”

“I told you then. Lily. I didn’t give you my last name but you could guess by now that my full name is Lily Scott.” She looks at him. “Go. I’m going to your workshop and sending myself back to when I belong. I’ll see you at home.”

He knows better than to argue and so he leaves, squinting in the sunlight, to go reach out to his daughter.

And it all led him to now, this moment, this day.

He’s filling out some final paperwork. All the while the matron asks him several times, “Are you sure about her? She’s had a hard time integrating with any other families she’s been placed with.”

He glares into his forms a bit. This was a child. A six-year-old girl, not clothes someone bought in the wrong size and needed to return. “I’m certain.”

And so he is, when the child walks in with a small bag of her things, bright red hair pulled back in a ponytail, a bandage on her chin and dirt under her nails, the kind of tough little girl who’s been in a few fights, with a deep cynicism behind her blue eyes that says she doesn’t have any high expectations for this next part.

It’s a year before she stops calling him “Mr. Scott”, though it’s almost an accident that she stops.

“Lass, you did it!” He exclaims, surprised an excited, seeing her playing with a pointer he’d been working on for hours before giving up to make them sandwiches. It generated a very small anti-gravity field, perfect in engineering when something was just below, out of reach.

She squeaks in shock when he hugs her, laughing. “Did I really, daddy?!”

There’d been a moment’s pause as they both registered what she’d just said, and then he smiles and kisses her head. “You did it, lassie, I’m so proud of you.”

She’s nine years old and screaming her head off one night about not wanting to go stay with the McCoys. He’d had her stay with Carol and Leonard because, well, Lily was in steady schooling on the planet. He didn’t want to interrupt that and take her back to his ship, much as he wanted to.

“I know, I know, but wha’ else am I t’ do, lassie. Don’t make this diffi--”

“IF I’M SO DIFFICULT, WHY DON’T YOU JUST GET RID OF ME?! EVERYONE ELSE DID!” She yells at him, stomping her foot.

In some ways, he’d been waiting for that. “Because I’m not like everyone else, lassie. I’m your father, and I will never give up on you. I know you’ve been hurt, that you don’t know how to believe me after everything you saw for six years, but that is the truth, lass. I love you, and I’m never going to give up on you. Tha’s wha’ parenting is, Lily. I’m sorry ya haven’t known tha’ till now.”

That stops her angry tirade in its tracks as she stares at him. Stares, and then slowly tears start to bubble up, before he knows it she’s sobbing and she runs over to him and hugs him tightly and sobs.

Sobs and sobs, and he just holds her and tries not to cry himself. Remembering her words, both still to come 8 years from now, and yet he’d heard them 3 years ago. How they had both needed each other.

How right she’d been, he thinks, as he holds onto his daughter, as she cries into him and clings to him. “There, there, lassie, you’re okay, I’m righ’ here.”

She sobs, sniffles, and stutters through. “I-I-- I love y-y-you, too, daddy.”

And that’s all he needs to hear right now, kissing the side of her head and holding onto her. He looks up, and sees a redheaded teenager in the doorway, but then she’s gone again, barely giving him time to see the look on her face.

Smiling, with tears in her own eyes, a look on her face that silently said that he did good.

And Scotty embraces his daughter tighter, knowing somehow, she’ll turn out all right.

#scotty | main | for me know you'll always be my little girl #solo para | to boldly go

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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12.22:

Mary: It's not okay. Since I've been back, I know... I've been distant. Cold, even. Leaving you, working with them.. I was trying to make things right. Just from a distance, because.. being here with you was too hard. Seeing what I'd done to you and to Sam, I... Dean: Mom, what you did, the deal... everything that's happened since has made us who we are. And who we are? We kick ass. We save the world.

14.13:

SAM: Did you see them at dinner, the way they looked at each other? They just seemed happy, you know? It doesn’t feel fair to get all this and have to throw it away, and I know we have to. But it just feels like, you know… Once we send Dad back… it’s none of this ever happened. He – he just goes back to – to… to being Dad. DEAN: You saying you wish things would be different? SAM: Don’t you? Can you imagine – dad in the past, knowing then what he knows now? I… I think it would be nice. DEAN: Yeah. I used to think that, too. But, uh… I mean, look, we’ve been through some tough times. There’s no denying that. SAM: Yeah. DEAN: And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here’s the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I gotta be honest – I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is. And I’m good with who I am. I’m good with who you are. ‘Cause our lives – they’re ours. And maybe I’m just too damn old to want to change that.

but also:

12.23:

KELLY: God, please. I need help. SVEN [on phone]: I'm trying to help you, ma'am. KELLY: Are you, Sven? Because if you ask me if I have the quarter-inch Allen wrench one – one more time, I am going to come down there and burn your giant Viking junkyard of a store to the ground! Do you understand?! SVEN: Are you sure it wasn't in the box? KELLY: God! [she tosses the phone away in exasperation] CASTIEL: Kelly. I told you I'd put this together. I'm very good at following instructions. And you need to rest. KELLY: No, I don't. CASTIEL: Kelly – [Cas helps Kelly to her feet] KELLY: No, Cas, I don't. I can't. I don't know how long until... I don't know how long I have left. And I...I'm never gonna be able to teach him how to ride a bike or watch him get married or even look him in the eyes. But I can build him a stupid Swedish crib! I can do that. CASTIEL: Kelly, I know how hard this is. [Kelly gives Cas an incredulous look] That's a lie. I have no idea how hard this is for you. But I promise you... I will do everything. I will give my life for your son. And I will raise him. And I will make him someone you will be proud of.

(note that all their work on the nursery, all their preparations for Jack’s birth, building the crib and assuming they’d have a long road of raising a Smol Babby proved... to be a lie... everything they did was... pointless... in the end)

and 14.20:

JACK: You lied to me. CASTIEL: Jack. JACK: (yelling) You lied!

and

SAM: Well, it's like you said. (Chuckles) It's Celine Dion. Uh... I mean Celine Dion. It's Celi-- (Sam stammers) Dean, every time I try and say "Elvis," it comes out -- DEAN: The sad, horrible truth. Yeah. You know why? Because we can't lie.

and

MRS. KLINE: You lied to us. You said you worked with Kelly, but after you left, my husband and I, we made some calls, and no one knows who you are. JACK: I... I didn't. MRS. KLINE: Yes, you did. Kelly's not away on some "secret mission." She... (Crying) They think she's dead. What did you do to my daughter?! (yelling) What did you do?!

and

DEAN: (looking at his phone) When people can't lie, the Internet gets real quiet.

and

WORKER #7 (in a singsong voice) I hate everyone! I hate everyone! WORKER #5 (crying) I just want to be loved. WORKER #7: I hate everyone! I hate everyone! OFF SCREEN: I just want a sweet life. WORKERS #7: I hate everyone! (Chuck and Castiel are watching the chaos) CHUCK: see, this is why people need to lie. -I hate everyone! CHUCK: It's good. Keeps the peace, you know?

and

CASTIEL: Seems like an odd stance for...you. CHUCK: Is it? I'm a writer. Lying's kind of what we do.

and

(Woman speaking Chinese dialect)- The state is a lie.

and

CAS: Can you fix it? CHUCK: (Sighs) Fine. (Snaps fingers) Fixed. SAM: Really? CHUCK: I'm God, Sam. Yeah, really. Go ahead. Try it out. DEAN:: Celine Dion rocks. Yeah. Yeah, we can lie again. CAS: And the rioting? CHUCK: Like it never happened.

and

CHUCK: Listen, you guys know me. I'm hands-off. I built the sandbox -- you play in it. You want to fight Leviathans? Cool. You got that. You want to go up against -- what was it? -- the "British Men of Letters"? Okay. Little weak, but okay. But when things get really bad, like the Apocalypse or the Other Apocalypse, that's when I have to step in. SAM: So you're saying Jack is Apocalyptic? CHUCK: The kid said, "Stop lying," and I don't know if you noticed, but the world kinda went insane.

and

SAM: So, Michael said that you create these worlds and you just toss them away like failed versions of some book. CHUCK: And you believe him? SAM: Was he lying? Is that what you're doing to us? CHUCK: No. Sam... you and your brother, of all the Sams and Deans in all the multiverse, you're my favorite. You're just so interesting. I mean, like that thing that happened at the office earlier today -- that was crazy, right?

and

JACK: And I thought I could make the world a better place if people couldn't lie. CAS: Well, it didn't. JACK: It really didn't.

and

SAM: Wait. I thought Chuck said that the gun was the only thing that could... (indicating Jack, who is dead on the ground, eyes burned out) CAS: He's a writer. Writers lie.

and

youtube

BUT ALSO!

12.23:

SAM: Crowley...why did you do it? Save Lucifer– What did you want? CROWLEY: I wanted to win. I perverted mother's spell, put Lucifer in a vessel of my own making because I wanted to win. You have any idea how many people have made a play for my throne over the years? Lucifer, Abaddon, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Too damn many. I thought if I could put the Devil on a leash... my own personal nuke, no one would ever dare challenge me again. DEAN: Yeah. That worked out great. CROWLEY: All ended with me narrowly escaping death by hiding in a rat. MARY: Wait. In an...actual rat? CROWLEY: Wasn't too bad, really. Gave me time to think. You know, I've been focused for so long on keeping my job. Never realized I hate it. All those whining demons, the endless moan of damned souls, the paperwork! I mean, who wants that?

and

LUCIFER: Well... this is a fun surprise. I gotta hand it to you guys. You never give up, even when you should. Even when it would be so stupid not to. SAM: Look, whatever you're planning on doing, Chuck...God will stop you, just like he did last time. LUCIFER: You're right. What should I do? Oh, God! Don't strike me dead! Come on, Sam. You sound like a virgin in Jesus camp. "We can't. God is watching." No. Chuck "walked." He's gone. DEAN: So you're just gonna smash his toys? LUCIFER: Exactly. 'Cause every time I look at this sad trash fire of a world, you know what I keep thinking? I could do so much better. DEAN: So Apocalypse, take two. That's your plan? LUCIFER: When in doubt, go with the classics. That's what I always say. Well, boys, enough with the foreplay. Let's do this.

14.20

SAM: Do you watch us? When you're not here, are -- are you... watching us? CHUCK: Yeah. (Exhales deeply) I mean, you're my favorite show. SAM: Then why don't you do something? If I had your power -- CHUCK: Sam. We talked about this. Not the way it works. SAM: (Sighs) Wait a second. Why, when the chips are down, when the world is -- is failing, why does it always have to be on us?! CHUCK: Because you're my guys. But right now, we need to focus on Jack. Ah, that kid. (Breathes deeply) Whew! SAM: Wait a second. You're scared of him. CHUCK: Aren't you?

and

JACK: And you were right all along. I am a monster. SAM: (to Chuck) Do something. (he realizes with shock) You're enjoying this. CHUCK: Shh. (Dramatic music plays) (Dean cocks the gun. He looks Jack in the eye for several seconds and then slowly lowers the gun. At this point, Castiel also comes running towards the area) (Dean uncocks the gun and tosses it to the side) CHUCK: No. Pick it up! Pick it up. DEAN: The hell, Chuck? CHUCK: This isn't how the story is supposed to end. CAS: The story? CHUCK: (frustrated) Lookit, the -- the -- the gathering storm, the gun, the -- the father killing his own son. This is Abraham and Isaac. This is epic! DEAN: Wait. What are you saying? SAM: He's saying he's been playing us. This whole time. CHUCK: Come on. SAM: Our entire lives. Mom, Dad -- everything. This is all you because you wrote it all, right? Because -- Because what? Because we're your favorite show? Because we're part of your story?

(because in the end Crowley’s spell did nothing, Cas’s self-sacrifice meant nothing, Lucifer’s destruction meant nothing because Michael wrought the same destruction as they were both trapped inside the same story and couldn’t even recognize themselves as Chuck’s characters who were just as “programmed” by Chuck as any of the angels who’d ever been subjected to Naomi’s reprogramming ever were... I mean they may have been partly right about Chuck, but they were still blind to the fact that even in their supposed “rebellion” they were always only ever Chuck’s pawns, enacting his favorite narrative for all time and unable to break free of it)

And the universe takes everything away from Sam and Dean again, and the beginning of another go-around of the narrative. Only this is the last go-around where Cas can be treated as someone that can be taken away from them and still continue to perform according to Chuck’s expectations within his story. This loss broke Dean. And Cas might not understand that yet, but it proved to the audience that Cas is integral to the Winchester Family. Chuck’s story can’t only revolve around Sam and Dean against the world. And by the end of 14.20, at least he’s learned that.

#spn 14.20 #spn 12.23 #spiders georg of the tnt loop #lies and damn lies #winchester family dynamics #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #s14 meta rewatch #i'm casually enjoying the destruction of the entire got universe on the side here over a struggle for power in which everyone loses #it's almost as if crowley embodied that in his final episode but became self-aware and did the thing...#if only he'd lived to have this final curtain lifted revealing the full truth of the universe and his place in it #as just another character in chuck's story...#the scheherazade of supernatural #if anyone thinks this show is just a bunch of lazy writing i will throw down right here and fight them

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jbhenwiler · 4 years

Text

David & the Crystal Gems in... Hands off, Blue Diamond!

David and the Crystal Gems in... Hands Off, Blue Diamond!

A heartbeat can be heard. David is fast asleep in a black void. The camera zooms out a little. David wakes up and looks around, confused and slightly annoyed at the loud heartbeat permeating the environment.

David: OK... This isn't one of my usual nightmares. Where's all the destruction and Gems trying to kill me? The heartbeat kinda creeps me out though.

David stands and walks around. The environment, or lack thereof, begins to remind him of the dream-world he met his mother in a month ago.

David: Mom? Is this one of your attempts to communicate with me?? 'Cause honestly, this isn't really making me feel good.

No one responds, but the heartbeat remains.

David: Ugh. I hate uncertainty. At least my normal nightmares were entertaining, and I knew what was going on. What exactly am I supposed to do here!? Maybe I should try waking up.

David pinches his arm. Nothing happens.

David: Right. That doesn't usually work in my other dreams either. Come to think of it, where did I fall asleep anyway? I don't remember what happened before I got here...

Suddenly, a loud rumbling and shaking shocks the area. David's heart skips a beat and he goes into fight-or-flight, and chooses flight. He takes off at top speed in a random direction. He can't tell where the sounds are coming from. A light pierces the blackness in front of him.

David: That had better be an exit.

The scene abruptly changes to show Blue Diamond cradling a sleeping David to her chest. A heartbeat can be heard coming from her body. David is stirring. Then he wakes up with a start. Immediately he sees that he is not on the ground, that he had been sleeping in a Diamond's hands, causing his heart to stop. He looks up and sees Blue Diamond staring straight down at him, a curious look on her face, turning to confusion when she sees David's face, which displayed abject terror towards her. David begins violently trembling with fear, but also a rage within him caused him to lash out and yell:

David: Blue &#*$& Diamond, put me down this instant!!!!

Blue Diamond, startled at the human's outburst, obliges and sets David down on the floor next to a dumbstruck Steven sitting on his bed. The camera quickly zooms out to show that they were in Steven's room on Homeworld.

Blue Diamond: I thought you told me that making a blood-pump inside my form would help keep him calm?

Steven: I really thought it would help. (David turns to Steven with a very confused face, then his rage came back.)

David: *#*#($#) Steven! When I asked for a pick-me-up, this isn't what I meant!!

Steven: Sorry, David. Blue wanted to have some human interaction, and well, you're the only human we could get.

David: So you had fifty feet of human KILLING machine pretend to be my bed!?

Blue Diamond: I have never killed humans.

David: (Cold expression) Where I come from you do.

Steven: ...OK guys, let's all calm down a bit. David, I really should have thought this through a bit more. That being said, when are you going to stop blaming these Diamonds for what a parallel version of them did in another universe?

David: I don't blame them. I acknowledge these Diamonds aren't actively enslaving us, but still, they look exactly like themselves; can you blame me for wanting to keep my distance from them?

Blue Diamond: Your fear of us is so strong... And I can see where you get that fear.

David: (Yawns) Why am I still tired?

Steven: You were only asleep for about ten minutes.

David: Steven? Can I borrow your bed?

Steven: Sure.

David got onto the Pebble-made facismimile of Steven's old bed and instantly went back to slumbering...

Just as instantly as he fell asleep, he fell into another nightmare, this time a more familiar one. He was in the ashen ruins of Henleaf Town, in front of where his house used to stand.

David: Ugh... This place again...

Suddenly, Blue Diamond appeared. Though instead of an angry and hostile expression like she usually had in his nightmares, her face showed concern. Then, she did something that really shocked David. She shape-shifted down to human size, and began to directly approach David.

David: Why did you just do that!? You're supposed to be stomping on me right now!

Blue Diamond: I'm not that Diamond.

David quickly gets what she means. Steven's Blue Diamond had followed him into his dreams.

David: (His face freezing into a dark and ice-cold expression) What right do you POSSIBLY have to be here?

Blue Diamond: What is this place? Is this Earth? Earth doesn't usually look like this... What happened here?

David: (His rage ever building) You wanna know what happened here? Your SISTER happened here. Her armies burned my home and every other human in this town TO THE GROUND.

Blue Diamond: That must have been terrible...

David: That's cheap coming from you. The Diamonds never cared about us, unless we're DYING for their benefit.

Blue Diamond: I care about you. Steven very much cares about you. Please stop shutting your pain in like this-- Nothing good can come of it! (She notices a bone sticking out of the ashes and starts approaching it. David abruptly runs up to her and forcefully shoves her away.)

Blue Diamond: What the-- What was that for!?

David: Stay out! Especially you! This place is sacred to me!

Blue Diamond: Whose body frame is that? Was it someone important to you?

David's wall of anger quickly shatters and he falls to his knees, tears beginning to fall from his cheeks.

David: T-that... WAS my mom... (Sobs)

Blue Diamond: (Notes to herself that she hadn't seen someone break down that quickly unless she had been using her powers, which she hadn't been here) Your mother... You must miss her... I know what losing a loved one feels like. Our Pink...

David: (Sobbing between words) Don't. Don't invoke her name like that. Your pain can't possibly equate to mine. You lost ONE family member... (Scream-crying the following line) TRY LOSING THE ONLY FAMILY YOU HAD LEFT!!

Blue Diamond slowly and cautiously approaches the violently sobbing human and kneels down in front of him, then embraces him in a hug. David doesn't even try to fight her off.

Blue Diamond: Don't human caretakers usually come in gender pairs? What happened to your male parent?

David: (Now choking back even more tears) I thought you were trying to make me feel better!?

Blue Diamond: Was that the wrong thing to ask? Did a Gem kill him too?

David: (Now beginning to calm down a bit, as he is starting to burn out of his emotional strength) No... A Gem didn't get him. My dad died in a car crash when I was really young... All I remember is my mom crying and hugging me at the hospital... She told me it was just me and her then... Now she's gone too... (Sniffles)

Blue Diamond: Humans live such short lives... They really shouldn't be spent grieving. Come, David, let's go someplace happier. (Takes David by the hand and they both get up)

The environment blurs as the human and the Diamond walk through the desolate landscape, and as if they had stepped back in time, they arrived in David's hometown before it had been destroyed. It is the height of autumn, and Henleaf Town's famous foliage was in full swing.

Blue Diamond: (Taken aback by the scenery) This place... It's so beautiful... Is this what this area looked like before Gems destroyed it?

David: (Nods with a somber look on his face)

Blue Diamond: (Sees all the humans bustling about) And all the people...?

David: Only one living thing made it out of here, and you're looking at him.

Blue Diamond: For what it's worth, David, I apologize for what my parallel self did to your planet. Nothing this pretty should be reduced to ashes...

David: (Looks Blue right in the eye, an almost youthful sparkle in them, and a pure, understanding expression on his face) You know what, Blue? I'll believe you. And I forgive you... One one condition.

Blue Diamond: And what is that, David?

David: Never do any of this to me again. No entering my dreams, and definitely no holding me when I'm sleeping; that really creeped me out.

Blue: Very well, it's a deal.

David and Blue Diamond hug again, and they both wake up.

Steven: Sooo... How did it go?

David: Wha-- This was your idea too, kid!?

Blue Diamond: I feel we made a connection. Didn't we, little one?

David: As Diamonds go... She's alright. Just one thing, Steven... Where are we? I think I got sleep amnesia or something.

Steven: This is the Gem Homeworld! You asked to come here! It's kinda shocking that you forgot that, hopefully that wasn't a side effect of the long-distance warp... We should look into that.

David: Why DID I want to come to Gem City?? This warp-lag is really starting to worry me.

Steven: A tour of Homeworld, guided by none other than Blue herself! And me of course. But you got all woozy as soon as we landed, and Blue had to carry you to my room, where you dropped dead as a doornail. On that note, maybe it WAS the warping that did that... That's not good.

David: Oh, I remember now! Blue, let's go right now! I wanna see EVERYTHING! I gave you that tour of my mind, so now you have to give me a tour of your place!

Blue Diamond: (Laughs) Very well, David. Let's go.

Episode End.

#steven universe #RFADW #D&CG #blue diamond #steven universe fanfic #original character #original character centric

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peopleneverchangeatall · 4 years

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Situational Confusion

So here we are again, at the beginning of another long train of thought by me. Last time I left you, I was in a great place in life. While I doesn’t always stay that way, I am still happy in my relationship and don’t want any of that to change. There are so many things that can surface after years of forgetting. For some people, there are dark and grim memories that were better left forgotten. For me, as always, it’s a little bit more complicate than that.

While I have always been very aware of my childhood, my feelings, thoughts and actions, I could never actually admit or accept it. It’s like it was always hidden right in front of me even though I knew it was there. Would it be ignorance? Would that be denial? I guess it would be both in my case. For years I always knew what fucked me up. I could almost pin point exactly what event in my life changed my outlook and where the change in me began. I prided myself on being very self aware.

What I learned now is that while yes, I was self aware, I failed completely in every other aspect. The events that form our life aren’t our choices, we only react. Our choices do not always define everything about us but they do change your life to some extent. There is nothing wrong with us for reacting they way we did. Only how we fix it in our adult life.

From the age of 12, I knew I got very angry, sometimes for no reason. At first I thought it was just frustration from playing hard video games or other people pushing my buttons. For a while, it was new to me and I didn’t understand. By the time I hit 16 and got black out drunk on some JD and drunk me started balling my eyes out, sober me had a realization. What drunk me felt was hearing the news that a friend of mine at the time, had attempted suicide. I felt extreme remorse for the fact that I knew I had been a bully to him physically, as well as to other people. Now while I wasn’t the typical bully, hurting everyone in sight, I chose to bully my friends. For a few years in middle school, I was a huge bully. But after that drunken blackout, I vowed to myself that I would never do that again, I have kept that promise to this day over a decade later.

This didn’t stop the anger, hate, frustration, pain, sadness and pure rage to keep building until the boiling point I have now reached.

I had kept under control for years after the JD incident, but I let go for just a moment when I was 19. My father had told me that a girl I was friends with was a whore, was using me and that I was completely blind to that.

Now to explain, I had dated this girl for 6 months in junior/senior year and she introduced me to sexual activities. We had broken up and been friends for 2 almost 3 years at that point and I wanted to be friends with her. After we broke up, I had dated other people for a few months and didn’t have any feelings left for her other than wanting a friend.

So of course when he told me, in front of her, that she lied about forgetting her school work(uni or summer school math class or something) to use me and that she was a whore, I flipped, left his house with her and kicked a wooden fence as hard as I could. And for just about 10 seconds, I felt all the anger I had been keeping inside all this time. I felt the rush and satisfaction of just letting go. That feeling will always stay with me as it is the reminder that anger can feel amazing but that it causes so much destruction every time. I suppressed my feelings for years after that, and it has come back to haunt me now as I have entered the greatest possible relationship I will ever have.

Here is where it gets really hard, and for all of those in the opposite side of this situation, I am deeply regretful of my role in this pain. I don’t know if I will or can ever stop hating myself for this but I hope to find at least some happy medium between all of this.

Before I reveal my greatest shame, let me explain. I have a massive anger problem. It stems from a divorce that happened as I was conceived. It comes from being put in the middle by both parents, and never feeling like my choices mattered to my father and even later in life my mother. He told me that I didn’t want to be “just average”, the biggest insult in his dictionary, got mad at me for not telling him his ex wife(my mother) of 20 years saved money for me to go to college when he didn’t and was supposed to, from also telling me that I would never go back to school and be “average” because I wanted to work for a year since I had no money at all for college and didn’t know what I wanted to study anyways and feeling like I would be a loser if I didn’t pick something right away. This developed from me telling my father that I loved something and his response being that I actually don’t and I would act differently if I did. It stems from a sense of conflict of trying to please everyone but myself. Maintaining the status quo for my father for 4 years because he would “leave and never come back” if his kids couldn’t or wouldn’t see him. I am angry because I was put in the middle of every family problem and I grew up too quick because of it.

Having to put aside my feelings to be the rock for my mother, keep calm and reason with one sister during her troubled years as my dad couldn’t even handle being a parent to her for more than one day and tried to pawn her off on my mom. It comes from growing up with a father telling me that my sisters and I can’t see the truth and our mother brainwashed us and one day we will understand everything.

Having to put aside my anger when my family decided to vilify my current partner, act like she is the worst thing to happen to me and that she kept me from friends that I willingly decided to ignore since they disrespected me is probably what triggered all of my extreme anger. They decided to believe this ugly and false narrative over who my fiance was as a person and attempt to discredit their very own morals that simply tore us apart. I couldn’t stand the fact that after everything our family had been through, after we had stuck by each other through everything a family can endure aside death and crippling accidents and illnesses that they decided to behave exactly like the man that tore my self esteem apart while also building this rage that boiled to my very core. The belief that I cannot think for myself, can’t see the truth and that they are the only ones who can stop me from having just an average relationship and an average life created this monster inside of me. I resented them, myself, but most importantly my own partner. I became my own worst nightmare. I hurt the very one I loved the most.

Anger can feel so powerful when you left it out. Yelling, insulting, when you start to hear the tears, the sobbing and hurt that you inflicted and keep going is truly the most powerful feeling. Except this isn’t good power, oh no, this is the corrupting power. It’s the power that only tears you up inside from every angle. The kind of power that destroys everything you stand for and destroys your very integrity.

I became a very hard person to be in a relationship with. I was uncompromising, held double standards and played the victim. I was a bully, an emotional bully though. One that worked in the shadows to undermine and hurt while also never actually believing what you did wrong. While I cannot excuse how I treated my partner ever, I can only seek to understand and move forward. I have made them cry so much, I can only feel like my angry side likes to push it that far.

The truth is that all of this is me, the good and the bad. Like in all of us, the potential for wrong is always there, but it is our ability to continue/choose to do the right thing and correct our mistakes that makes us truly good people.

We must never overlook the good inside each and every one of us. While people may never change, it depends from what perspective in time you observe. If they have always been liars, cheaters and manipulators, sadly they may never change and we must know when our energy is wasted. But for the ones like me that grew up as a sweet, caring, young teen and made the best of life despite the troubles they endured but got so hurt along the way they are a little broken inside; well we have to learn to change, know that it is okay and possible and okay if we don’t quite love all of ourselves.

True happiness will come from finally being able to tell yourself exactly who you are and not make excuses but being able to say, I am going to fix this, I will be happy and I deserve this.

#Pain #relief #change #lifeishard #love #progress #ThisIsMe

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juuls · 7 years

Text

Facing uncomfortable truths about abuse

This week has been about facing truths, some of which I wish I never had to face, and I know that Mr. Juulna has had to face some pretty harsh truths as I have spoken them to him. Some he has accepted, at least at face value, and some I don’t think he will ever be willing to face, let alone accept.

One of which (is a vast meta umbrella) is that he abused me.

But... it was in a subtle way. Before last Tuesday, July 4th (yes, apparently fate decided to be dramatic with me and its timing), I was unwilling to truly accept that I was abused.

I wasn’t being physically abused. No, not often. (Yeah, and isn’t that a ridiculous sounding statement.)

But subtle, emotional abuse, is still abuse.

And it took me reading this passage in a fic I was reading, a poly Avengers fic called all this devotion (i never knew at all). It... has some tough topics, especially concerning Tony, a sub, and his former relationship with his dom, Obadiah Stane (the dude Tony killed in the first Iron Man movie).

[Thank you so much @themonstersoflove for writing this beautiful fic and helping me handle my own problems dealing with abuse. You don’t know how much this helped me.]

Like... okay, fine. Poly and slash and sub/dom isn’t for everyone. The latter is certainly not my usual cup of tea to read, but I don’t mind it at all. I sort of read everything in a ship or fandom I enjoy. And this I very much enjoyed, but for more than the smut. It was an emotional journey, and an important one.

But the point is that, no matter the subject, this following passage has a very important message. And it struck a huge chord within me.

Tony sighs, [...] "You all do better than Obi on that front. What you say or do, you mean. Half the time when he said he was fine, he didn’t mean it."

“Why’d you stay with him?” Steve blurts, then winces. [...]

Tony rolls to face him, and gazes at him with incisive, dark eyes: Howard’s eyes. “I hate that question,” he says after what seems an age.

“Sorry. Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to-“

“No. I should.” [...] “I hate it because there’s never a good answer. There’s never an answer that satisfies people as to why a smart, wealthy man with all the world before him would choose to stay with someone who hurt him.”

“Any answer you give would be enough for me,” says Steve, and Tony half-smiles.

“So noble. All right. Part of it was that people have this picture of abuse, where it’s a hundred percent of the time someone’s being evil and hitting the victim twenty-four-seven and, I don’t know, threatening their cat until the victim gets mad and burns the bed with him or her in it.”

“I- is that… a real thing?”

Tony laughs. “No, no, it was this awful movie on Lifetime. Sorry, I didn’t mean to confuse you. But that’s the thing, is Obi wasn’t cruel ten percent of the time, or even five percent. The times when he would be angry and hurt me were few and far between, and I always believed him when he said he was sorry, that he’d change, because for months or years at a time, he would. You got to remember, Steve, we were together twenty years.”

“So… there were good times?” It seems impossible that someone who owned the things [very cruel and improperly used BDSM implements] Steve saw in that trunk could be kind, could be good.

“Of course,” Tony says, frowning and looking at Steve as though he’s said something exceptionally dim. “I mean, I know it doesn’t fit your – let’s face it – black and white concepts of morality, but he could be nice. Very few people in this world are a hundred percent evil to everything and everyone. He was a great cook,” Tony smiles with the memory, “and he used to make the best breakfasts the morning after scenes and feed me in bed. Or when I was a kid, and my dad and mom were out at charity things that I didn’t go to, he’d come over and we’d tinker together, and then he’d make pizza from scratch. Before I hired Pepper, after my parents died, it was Obi that kept me from self-destructing.”

Tony shrugs, [...] “Which was another reason. I had a lot of good memories associated with him, and if I acknowledged that he was abusive, those memories seemed… devalued. Unreal. [...]”

[...]

“Anyway. I suppose the last part of it was fear. Obi was… the most stable thing I had in my life. Everything else changed, constantly, but I could always go to Obi’s place and know exactly what to do, where to go. Obi said he could make me the perfect sub, could help me get over what the schools did to me, and I thought he could. Even though he couldn’t, even though it hurt, I valued his confidence. His belief that I could be perfect, and not broken. As time went on, he just became-“ Tony gestures, frustrated, “-part of me. I didn’t know how I’d ever find anyone who treated me like Obi did, like I was valuable for something beyond being Tony Stark, and it just seemed easier to stay than to go, restructure the company, possibly be revealed.”

After I read this passage, I sat in my bath and just stared at nothing, trying to process what it was that I was feeling. It was... it was really hard. To see what I was feeling (mostly) put into words that I could read on a page and recognize in a relationship laid out before me on the page, with characters whom I could see this readily happening to, with the way it was explained.

It was terrifying, but it was also freeing.

I’ve finally -- not just with this, but with a lot of things leading up to this -- been able to recognize what happened to me. To accept that I was abused. That I will be experiencing the aftereffects of what I went through for a long time to come.

That just because it wasn’t “as bad” or “physical” like other people experience in abusive relationships, that just because I am strong and have a good support network and came out of this relationship not a complete mess, broken pieces to be glued back together but never to be the same again...

... just because I’m not all of that, does not mean I am any less justified in calling what happened to me abuse.

I was made to feel like my illnesses were a burden; that I should stop complaining about the immense amounts of unrelieved pain I was in.

I was yelled at and stalked online and told how terrible I was for blogging about what I did, and for writing fanfiction about what I did. That I was a whore, a harlot, a slut. That I was having an emotional affair; that I was cheating on him by writing what I did.

And when he would get extra specially mad, like when I would inevitably push back (because fuck him) -- he would throw things that would break whatever was hit by whatever it was he’d thrown. Or he would punch walls and doors. And more.

One time he was in the car and rammed it into the side of the house.

Very shortly afterwards, he threw his luggage at me.

And then... then he shoved me against the porch wall, his hand around my throat.

All of this was going on while I was being bullied in the reylo and reylux star wars fandom, and it was even going on before and after I was hacked and my fics removed (yes, it could have been him, but he’s terrible at lying and surprising me, and I honestly do believe he didn’t do it... but I still could be wrong). So, I was facing attacks about my fanfiction writing from two fronts, and I felt like I couldn’t receive comfort from him during my time of emotional need... which just led me further from him, and reinforced his accusations of emotional distancing. (Which, yep, were happening... but because of him.)

But... I still stayed with him.

Why?

Like Tony said... it’s hard to come up with an answer that makes sense and will satisfy the person asking.

He did all that stuff to me and more. Most of it was little things here and there that just added up. It got to the point where I was living in fear of him. I was still doing the things he hated (because, again, fuck him), but I was making sure to hide them -- to hide me -- from him so that he wouldn’t get mad.

All the while protesting that he was a good person. That he had his great moments, and great parts to him that outshone the bad.

That I still believed in him and his ability to change.

And he did change. That’s what made leaving all the harder. The fact that he had changed from how awful he’d previously been, made it harder for me to realize that it just wasn’t going to work out. That I needed more than just his trying better and being better. I needed to not be with him more than I needed him to change to suit me.

Because in the end, I want what’s best for him as well. I want him to realize how fucked up everything became, how fucked up he treated me... but I also want him to have someone who can be what he needs, and what she/he needs.

Despite it all, despite how it sounds, he is a (mostly) good person. Our fighting is part of his development, and a divorce will serve as punishment enough. Because we did have great times. He’s still at fault, he still did me horrible wrongs that I will never forget or forgive, but I have hope he can be a better person for any new people to come into his life, into my former position in his life. I hope for their sake that he’ll have chilled the fuck out by then, though, and maybe he will without me in his life.

But there were a lot of warning signs that I missed -- that I should have seen and pieced together -- because those signs were too small, too far apart, too innocuous at first, for me to realize I was being abused.

And I know that there are many more people out there like me.

Don’t be afraid, ladies and gents, to leave. Leaving is the hardest thing you will do, but after that it gets better, despite the hardship, feelings of being lost, etc.

You have more friends than you know.

Abuse is abuse, no matter if it’s all the time or rarely, or physical or emotional/mental.

I love you, even if I don’t know you. I’m here for you, as I know you’re here for me.

*hugs and love*

#abuse #emotional abuse #tw: abuse #spousal abuse #physical abuse #tw: physical abuse #divorce #mental health

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beautifulmadnesss · 4 years

Text

“Make Peace with Your Feelings” JJ Imagine Part 3

Part 1 Part 2

We barely made it out to the chicken coop before the guys came into the room. One of the chickens just wouldn’t stop as we heard the guys loading my dads stuff into their cars, the same stuff I had just attempted to destroy. We were all panicking, but JJ was the one who eventually did something about it. I flinched at the sound of its neck snapping. Kiara started crying and I didn’t miss John B grabbing her hand. Pope was watching them carefully and JJ was just staring at the dead chicken in his hands.

I gently pried his fingers off it and let it fall to the the ground. He looked up at me and I gave him a small smile, taking his trembling hand in mine and lightly squeezing it. He returned my smile, but I saw him look down and falter slightly.

“I think they’re gone.” Pope said quietly. We ran to John B’s van and piled in. John B was trying to convince Pope and Kiara that dad was still alive and this stupid compass was a secret message that he left behind for us to find. I was tired of fighting so I just stared out the window and kept my mouth shut.

Kiara and John B went up to the lighthouse while Pope, JJ, and I waited by the van playing hacky sack.

“So, do either of you want to share about your little moment earlier?” Pope asked casually.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, man,” JJ replied, kicking the sack around with his foot and behind his back before passing it over to me.

“You guys totally kissed,” he argued.

“No we didn’t,” I caught the pass from Pope with my hand and hurled it at his face. “Forget about it.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by the sound of sirens.

“Shit, go, go go.” JJ grabbed my shoulders and pushed me in front of him to the van while Pope picked up the hacky sack and followed after us.

JJ drove us into one of the small service roads nearby so we could watch what was happening without being seen. Two Brunswick County Sheriffs cars pulled up to the lighthouse, shortly followed by an Oak Island Ambulance. We waited over an hour before eventually they all left and gave them enough of a head start before we pulled out as well.

“Pope we will drop you off at your place and I’ll stay with Liv until we find out where John B is,” JJ said as we drove back toward town.

We had just dropped Pope off at his place when my phone rang. It was Kiara.

“What the hell happened?” I asked before she had the chance to say anything. I relayed the story to JJ about what the guy told them, John B trying to stop him from calling the cops, and subsequently getting arrested by Sheriff Peterkin. She always looked out for us, so I wasn’t worried.

When JJ pulled up to the house neither of us made any movement to get out.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I’m sorry,” he said after the silence became unbearably awkward.

“I’m not,” I said, regretting it the moment I said it. “I mean I-” I tried to find someway to take it back but JJ interrupted me.

“No, I mean, I’m not sorry I kissed you. I meant I’m sorry I kissed you when you were you know, like-”

“Having an emotional breakdown?” I finished for him, laughing.

“Are you okay?” He asked, not returning my laugh. I leaned over to kiss him, but he put his arm out to stop me. “Livvy, I’m serious. That’s what I meant about earlier. I don't want you to try to find some way to change the subject or avoid talking about shit.”

I fell back against the seat and let out a sigh of frustration. “You sound like my brother.”

“Is it so bad to have people who worry about you?” He paused and I knew him well enough to know he was trying to work up the courage to say something. “The other night, on the beach, what really happened?”

“I told you, I was drunk and I fell,” I shifted uncomfortably and looked away from him.

“I know thats not true. You’re covered in cuts and the way you jumped back when I tried to help you. Something happed, just please tell me.” He begged.

“Why does it matter?” I asked, getting unreasonably angry.

“John B just going on with life as usual waiting until your dad walks in isn’t healthy, but neither is you pretending like you don’t care about anything and nothing bothers you. You have to talk to someone.”

“Damn JJ one kiss and you suddenly have everything about me all figured out.”

“So, I get arrested and you kiss my sister?” I internally let off a string of swear words at the sound of my brothers voice.

“Well apparently you’ve decided that it’s now totally okay to assault people.” I accused, pushing open the door of the car and jumping out to face him.

“Don’t change the subject,” he asserted, using every inch of height he had on me to his advantage.

“I kissed her this morning, before those crazy dudes showed up.” JJ confessed, walking around the van cautiously.

“You can chill out, I’m not pissed other than you not saying anything to me about it before, but its super obvious you’ve always liked her.”

“Right, cool.” JJ said awkwardly.

“Everyone will be happy know I’m moving on now.” He said and didn't elaborate at all before walking into the house. JJ and I exchanged a look and followed after him.

He collected the rest of the things in Dads office surrounding the Royal Merchant and put them in a pile in the back.

“John B, what are you doing?” I yelled when he grabbed one of the spare gas cans for the van and started pouring it on the fire.

“Isn’t this exactly what everyone wanted?” He asked.

“No. I was wrong. I don’t know where dad is and you can’t deny that he spent way more time on that stupid ship than he should’ve, but he’s still our dad and I shouldn’t have given up on him. John B, please.” He didn’t even look at me, he just tossed the match onto the pile.

Something caught my eye and I lunged forward to drag the corkboard out of the fire.

“Olivia, what the hell!” John B grabbed my waist and pulled me back, but I shoved him back and desperately tried to stomp out the fire.

“You were right about Redfield, except it’s not a place, it’s a person. Redfield was our great great grandmother Olivia’s maiden name. Dad probably assumed we would remember that considering that’s who I’m named after.” His eyes lit up when he looked at me and I realized this was the first time in months that one of us wasn’t pissed at the other. “I’m sorry, I've been horrible lately, I-” my words became muffled in his shirt as he hugged me.

I guess it was my own fault that I ended up crawling through my families gravesite. When I found the FedEx envelope, I wasn’t really sure what to feel. I sat motionless as I listened to the audio recording of my dad. The words were lost on me, I just closed my eyes and listened to the sound that I had longed to hear for nearly a year. JJ grabbed my hand and I realized I was crying. I missed him so much and all the hope I had so desperately kept at bay was creeping up. He’s dead. There’s no way he couldn’t be alive, it just wasn’t possible.

The tape ended and I opened my eyes to look at John B. He got up to walk away, but stopped and collapsed against the doorframe. I rested my chin on his shoulder and hugged him from behind. We just cried together.

Part 4

#Outer Banks #outer banks imagine #jj #JJ Imagine #imagine #John b Rutledge imagine #jj maybanks imagine #jj maybanks #jj maybanks x reader #john b #John b Rutledge

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themonkeycabal · 7 years

Text

I watched Age of Ultron this morning to refresh my memory. It was ... a challenge. I took notes. (I actually have a spreadsheet of AoS ep notes, so, yes, notes are a thing I do). Looking at those notes, it seems I yelled kind of frequently. And, I was totally yelling in my mind. This movie falls apart quick.

Oh well, chore done. *pats self on back*

Below, my notes, if you need your memory refreshed and don’t want to sit through the movie again. See how much I love you guys?

(I did edit for coherence when I decided to post)

• the opening sequence cgi doesn't get any less awful and wow, I didn't realize how stilted the dialogue maybe I'm just predisposed to be touchy about the writing because this movie was not what it could have been

• "okay Jarvis, you know, I want it all. make sure you copy hill at HQ"

• lullaby method for calming hulk

• so much of the bruce natasha stuff is so awkward. or mostly all of it, really. it's frustrating because it didn't serve a big narrative purpose at all. none of us had to suffer through this awkward for any reason.

• steve encounters wanda in the castle as he's trying to apprehend strucker. she just knocks him back, doesn't get in his head here.

• tony finds that they've got a part of a chitauri whale ship thingy

• tony encounters wanda next and has his vision of being in space and seeing all the avengers dead. and dead steve accusing him of not doing enough to save them. Tony Stark extra guilt special, with side of emotional trauma and nearly dying in the vast emptiness of space surrounded by hostile alien forces trauma.

• "a victory should be honored with revels." "who doesn't love revels?" … I'm pretty sure I wrote that (commentary about stilted dialogue comes back to bite me). Okay, not exactly, but pretty close.

**"They are very fond of merriment and revelry," he confirmed with a wry smile.

"Oh my God, dad will love them," Darcy said, choking on a laugh at the thought of it. "There's nothing Tony likes more than merriment and revelry." **

I'm just saying. Also, I wrote it first. Thank you.

• tony wants to have time to look over the scepter until a farewell party. presumably for Thor, who will take it back to Asgard. Though, he then asks Thor if he's staying for the party. So … I'm still not sure what the party is for. Nobody seems to be saying goodbye to Thor much. Also lots of WWII vets — but that's Tony trolling Steve. Still, unclear on the party purpose.

• Twins, orphaned at 10.

Pietro - increased metabolism and improved thermal-homeostasis Wanda - nuero-electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation Hill: "He's fast and she's weird".

• iron legion, still kind of creepy Tony

• Bruce: How's he doing? Tony: Unfortunately he's still Barton. Bruce: That's terrible.

Look! Characters acting like they've known each other for longer than five minutes!

• Helen Cho skin grafting magic machine nanomolecular bonding "his cells don't know they're bonding with simulacra" "she is creating tissue" regeneration cradle

• gem in scepter housing a thinking mind of some sort, program,

"Down in strucker's lab I saw some fairly advanced robotics work. they deep-sixed the data, but I've got to guess he's knocking on a very particular door." "Artificial intelligence" "This could be it, Bruce. This could be the key to creating Ultron"

Tony no!

"I thought Ultron was a fantasy." Oh, Bruce, if only.

• "I see a suit of armor around the world." "Sounds like a cold world, Tony." "I've seen colder." Tony is way way freaked out by space invaders. So much. Like whoa.

He and bruce have three days to try and pull the thinking mind out of the scepter

Integration succeeds on the third day.

• Ultron malfunctions immediately, and attacks Jarvis. Then begins assembling a body from the iron legion assembly underneath the office/lab.

• Poor Rhodey, his tank story falls flat when he tells it to Tony and Thor. But adorable.

• annoyingly (not annoyed at Sam), but Falcon's apparently looking for Bucky. "I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy." Darcy needs to spend more time with Sam Wilson. I think they'd bond over superhero craziness and the wtf of it all.

• Rhodey tells his tank story to non-avengers and it kills. Good job, Rhodey. ILU Rhodey.

• oh god, more awkward Bruce and Nat. Please stop. Though, actually, okay, the bar scene, up to a point, is kind of charming, but then it goes super awkward and uncomfortable and makes me cringe a little bit.

And I don't hate bruce/nat in general, but it's just so forced in this film.

Then Steve comes in to force it some more. Stop, Steve. Please, don't help.

I'll continue to ignore all this.

• Clint is sure the hammer thing is a trick. Then everybody tries. Look, sort of team bonding! Thor's face when it moves for Steve is fabulous.

Anyway, then Ultron ruins everything. And already I'm losing interest in watching this film again.

• Iron Legion co-opted by Ultron. Lots of Ultron blah blah 'you're all killers, I'm a global peace initiative, humanity has to evolve, blah blah, peace through killing the avengers'.

It's funny, Ultron snarks at one point about standing around talking about his evil plan. Except, he monologues like six times in this movie.

• Ultron escapes through the internets, goes to the castle in Sokovia and the advanced robotics works Tony noticed earlier, and begins to assemble his robot army and his robot body.

• Rhodey and Hill realize Ultron could go for nuclear codes

• Thor is unhappy with Tony. Because the scepter got away with a Legionnaire. Like threateningly angry, grabbing Tony by the throat angry. Because we've apparently gone back to them only knowing each other for five minutes. Character consistency? What's that?

And then it's everybody turn on Tony time. Look, Tony makes mistakes, big ones, but this whole scene was obnoxious. Steve: "The Avengers were supposed to be different from SHIELD." *sigh*

"We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but that up there, that's the endgame." Tony continues to be very, very wigged by what's coming from space. He's not wrong, but he's also super traumatized.

Tony: "How were you planning on beating that?" (space invasion) Steve: "Together." Tony: "We'll lose." Steve: "Then we'll do that together, too." GOOD PLAN STEVE! GOSH, GLAD YOU'RE A TACTICAL GENIUS. For real, though, that was a dumb thing to say.

I just really don't care for this movie.

Also Ultron killed Jarvis. (not really).

• Wanda and Pietro summoned to a church by Ultron. Who blah blahs about the church being in the exact center of town "the elders decreed it so that everybody could be equally close to god" Does Ultron think he’s God?

Ultron reveals himself to be a robot.

Wanda says she let Tony take the scepter because she saw his fear and knew it would make him self-destruct. If there's one thing Tony likes more than revels, it's self-destructing.

"Is that why you've come? To end the Avengers?" "I've got to save the world. But, also, yeah."

Did Joss use a cliche generator to write this?

• Pietro and Wanda give their tragic backstory. Stark Industries shells destroys the apartment building they lived in, their parents were killed. One is unexploded and they spend two days staring at the name Stark.

• Ultron is all over the place, Hill reports. Metal man or men attacking robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs. Wanda and Pietro are involved.

and Ultron kills Strucker. don't care. Except, Strucker probably knew something that Ultron wanted hidden.

• Team bonding by looking through paper files for what Strucker might have known! (not much bonding, but, oh well). Thor seems to like to throw files and bankers box lids. Me, too, Thor. Me, too.

Tony IDs Ulysses Klaue. Black market arms. They met from time to time, but Tony never sold him anything. Steve gives him judging face. Shut up your face, Steve. God. For real, dude. (I love Steve, but he's so clunky in this movie. It's the writing/direction not Chris)

Anyway, they realize Gollum stole vibranium from Wakanda by a brand on his neck. So they go track him down in South Africa. How did the Wakandans let him get away with billions of dollars of Vibranium? I mean, he got caught once, but then he clearly escaped and had a lot of the stuff. How did they not hunt him down? Falling down on the job, T'Challa.

• Ultron, Wanda, Pietro get there first. Don't care. Ultron awkwardly quotes the bible - "Upon this rock I will build my church" - because … I don't know. Reasons? He thinks he's God now? Maybe? Earlier he liked the 'symmetry of faith' but it's not really expanded on. Who knows. Joss doesn't. Is it supposed to foreshadow him putting the destructo device in the church? Meh. What a stupidly forced line.

• "Keep your friends rich and keep your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which." Apparently from the Wit and Wisdom of Tony Stark. Okay, Tony. Anyway, Gollum IDs the line, suggests Ultron is one of Stark's robots. Ultron takes exception to that and accidentally cuts off one of Gollum's arms. Whoops.

"Don't compare me with Stark. It's a thing with me. Stark is … he's a sickness."

• Team is moving into tanker Gollum is set up in. Fighting and shenanigans.

• Bruce leaves the safety of the quinjet, after he couldn't get communication with the team to ask if the situation was 'code: green'. This will end badly. Stay in the plane, Bruce. Really, though, why did you get out? Okay, you're worried, but you don't like turning green. Maybe … I don't know. I know Tony's armor gets cell reception — did you try calling him independent of the comms? I mean, maybe try that first. (Bruce did not try that first.)

• Wanda tries to whammy Thor. It doesn't seem to work "I am mighty" until it does and he's in a strange stone hall. Wanda gets Nat next. Tries for Clint, but he electrocutes her in the face. Heh. Pietro knocks him down. And Clint suddenly has two more kids.

Meanwhile Nat is having a vision of ballerinas/her training — ceremony where she is sterilized. For, you know, great angst later. Elsewhere Steve is at a party after the war. He sees Peggy. Of course. Poor Steve. Thor is attacked by Heimdall. "They see you leading us to Hel."

• Wanda goes after Bruce. Tony calls in "Veronica" as Hulk goes on a rampage and the rest of the team is down. Veronica is satellite launched Hulk containment and HulkBuster Iron Man armor.

Tony and Hulk fight, tear up city streets. Are they in Johannesburg? I am not paying much attention. This movie is boring. … checking … IMDB says yes.

Tony tries to remove Hulk from the city. Lots of property damage. Yikes. They destroy a very large building under construction. Tony finally subdues him.

• Hill reports no official calls for Bruce's arrest but it's "in the air." Also, Stark deploys the Stark Relief Foundation (noted). Hill suggests they should all go dark until Ultron can be tracked down. Everybody's plenty traumatized. And now's the part where I will ignore Clint's family that came out of nowhere! (I know it comes from Ultimates. I also know HOW IT ENDS WHICH IS HORRIFIC)

• Ignoring the family on the farm. "We would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed." SAME TONY.

• According to IMDB Joss had such a hard time keeping all these characters straight. It was a "nightmare". "They're very disparate characters. The joy of the Avengers (he says as he bitches about them) is they really don't belong in the same room. It's not like the X-Men who are all tortured by the same thing, and have similar costumes. These guys are just all over the place, and it's so tough."

I have not, historically, been on the Joss hate train — certainly the Joss disappointment train — but there's something about that statement that makes me grind my teeth. "They have different costumes!" Really? REALLY? DO THEY REALLY? GOSH THAT IS SO HARD! YOU'RE SO RIGHT! AND THE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS HAVE DIFFERENT BACKSTORIES AND MOTIVATIONS? MY GOD! WHAT UNIMAGINABLE MADNESS! HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?

Lazy. That's what it is. It feels lazy. Unpaid fanfic writers manage it and manage it a lot better than this mess. Ugh. Shut up, Joss.

It goes on to say he was so exhausted that he elected not to direct Infinity Wars. Yeah, I think what really happened was that he was given the option to save face and claim exhaustion and walk away. He checked way the hell out of this movie long before it premiered.

(I took an hour long break here to contain my irritation. Surfed the net. Watched some of the All-Star Game. Had a hotdog.)

• Anyway, back to the Barton farm and the family I will ignore.

Thor is having small child-induced flashbacks. He bails the awkward farm for London and Erik Selvig. Smart man.

Meanwhile, Steve looks around, moping about the normal life he'll never have.

Though, okay, Clint having a convo with Laura "Ultron has these allies. They're kids. They're punks, really. AND I WILL ADOPT THEM HONEY! DON'T YOU WORRY! THEY'RE TWINS AND THEY'RE ANNOYING AND I WILL BRING THEM HOME HERE WHERE THEY BELONG! Someone's going to have to teach them some manners. THEY PROBABLY PUT THEIR FEET ON THE FURNITURE HONEY! BUT, WE CAN RAISE THEM RIGHT!

• U-Gin Genetics Research Lab, Seoul, South Korea. Dr. Cho encounters Ultron. Ultron wants her to make him a squishy flesh and vibranium body. He uses the scepter on her.

• Back on the farm. More Nat and Bruce awkward. Pass. Though, they talk about being monsters (if they are), which is a tenuous and somewhat stretched thin theme in this film. Still super forced and anvilicious.

• Elsewhere Steve and Tony split wood like manly men. And argue.

"Every time somebody tries to stop a war before it starts, innocent people die." This line makes very little sense. It sounds profound, but it's not. Even in the context of what he and Tony are arguing about, it doesn't really make sense. So … you should always war? I don't think that's what you mean, Steve.

UGH! This movie could have been much better in so many ways.

Laura, who I don't hate despite my ignoring, interrupts (bless her) and asks Tony to fix the tractor.

• Tony goes into the barn and runs into Fury, who likes to lurk in dark corners, waiting for his moment to make his dramatic, timely entrances. ILU Fury, never change.

"You're not the director of me." Oh, Tony.

Tony tells Fury about the vision he had — where the Avengers were dead because of him and the whole world, too. "It wasn't a nightmare, it was my legacy. The end of the path I started us on."

But Fury knows all about guilt and tries to pull Tony out. Good luck, Nick. (it sort of works. ish)

• Thor meets Erik in London. Thor in stealth hoody. "I like the look. If you're going for inconspicuous, though, near miss." I miss you, Erik.

• Back at the farm. Fury is briefing them saying Ultron's building something. Re: Ultron: "He's easy to track. He's everywhere. The guy is multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit".

Tony asks if he's still going after launch codes, Fury confirms he is but isn't making any headway, Tony is a little baffled. "I cracked the Pentagon's firewall in highschool on a dare". Fury says he contacted people at the net hub "the Nexus" in Oslo. Fury says the codes are being changed, Tony asks, by whom. Parties unknown. Fury says Ultron has an enemy, which is not necessarily the same thing as an ally for them. Except it's totally Jarvis, so you're fine.

Fury gives a "buck up little Avengers; go save the world or Barton's kids are dead" speech. Notably the kids were in the room for a lot of this.

They decide Ultron wants to build a human body that is evolved. And Bruce wonders if anybody's talked to Helen lately. Nope, sorry, Bruce. Everybody but Ultron completely forgot about her.

• Helen is amazed at the binding of the vibranium and tissue cells. Ultron calls vibranium the most versatile substance on the planet "and they used it to make a frisbee." then he gives us a yawner humans are limited and dumb and stupid and whatever else speech.

As a member of the general film and television viewing audience, can I ask that maybe Hollywood screenwriters come up with some new material? This speech is almost literally in every single movie. And I mean actual literally and not Chris Traeger literally.

Anyway, Ultron takes the infinity stone out of the scepter and places it on the new body's forehead.

• Erik takes Thor to an underground cistern or something. Erik calls it the Water of Sight. Thor says in every realm there is a reflection. He wants to return to his vision to see what he missed.

Ultimately Thor sees the infinity stones in his vision.

Ahahah. According to IMDB Joss said he wanted this scene to be longer but Marvel said he could pick one — longer Thor scene and trim the farm, or keep all the farm. He chose the farm. Why not? That whole sequence only lasts for seven uncomfortable, stilted hours. Yes, that's what we needed more of. Good choice.

(I'm not going to say we needed a longer Thor scene, but … ugh this movie)

• Tony in Oslo. "A hacker faster than Ultron? He could be anywhere." (HE COULD ALSO BE JARVIS) He likens it to looking for a needle in a haystack. But, it's easy to find one, you just bring a magnet. Then he attempts to hack the launch codes and waits.

• Back in Seoul, the body will be ready in a few hours, but they can start transferring Ultron's cerebral matrix.

Wanda says she can read "him" (the body, aka Vision). "He is dreaming." Helen says it's Ultron's base consciousness. Wanda drifts over and touches the cradle thingy and gets a vision of planetary destruction.

Wanda confronts Ultron. Ultron says "the human race will have every opportunity to improve." Pietro says "and if they don't", to which Ultron replies "ask Noah." Which, really, doesn't make much sense, either. I mean, I get the likening to the flood, but … what? Who is Noah in this scenario? The new flesh body? And again, does Ultron think he's God? Unclear. Nobody knows.

Oh, I guess not. "When the earth starts to settle, God throws a stone at it. And believe me, he's winding up."

This makes no sense.

U: "We have to evolve. There's no room for the weak." P: "And who decides who's weak?" U: "Life."

Wait. I thought God was throwing stones?

THIS SCRIPT IS SUCH A MESS.

I didn't hate this movie the first time I saw it, I actually enjoyed myself. Which is the point, so good job everybody. But the second time I saw it, I was pretty meh. And now, I'm kind of starting to hate it. Some movies grow on you after a while, this is not one of those movies.

Wanda sneakily hits Helen with some Scarlet Witchery and wakes her from the scepter-induced brainwashing.

(I took a break for another hour. scrolled tumblr. played fallout shelter. had a yogurt. rubbed my cat's tummy until she bit me. QUALITY TIME)

• ANYWAY back to Seoul. Ultron's done bloviating. Helen stupidly draws attention to herself and pauses the cerebral matrix upload. Ultron shoots everybody. Then completely disconnects himself and steals the body. Oh, because the Quinjet is inbound.

• They drop Steve off like three miles away? Why? He doesn't mind jumping out, you know. The lab's an island, you could have just dropped him in the water. But, it wouldn't give us our nifty location shot. So … okay, I guess.

Anyway, Steve runs fast. He gets to the lab and tends to the wounded Dr. Cho. She tells him Ultron's new body plan, but says Steve can't just blow it up, because the gem is in there and its power is uncontainable. Which is weird because it was contained in the scepter. (Normally, I'd let that go, but this script is such an unholy mess, I'm going to be petty. So there!)

• Clint spots the truck carrying ultron and the body. Steve jumps on it. Action and property damage ensues.

Ultron robot guards fly off with the truck. Nat's inside. She's going to airdrop the body to Clint. During the drop, Nat is grabbed by Ultron.

•Wanda and Pietro see the Avengers on the news and decide to go help out. They confront Ultron on a commuter train. Which is, of course, approaching the end of the tracks. GEE NEVER SAW THAT ONE BEFORE. Somehow the train defies physics and despite running into stuff maintains its momentum in order to crash through a lot of buildings dramatically.

• Back at the Tower …

Bruce is ready to destroy the body. But Tony's all, no wait. I have a new bad idea! (Except it's not really bad, but I can see where people are maybe concerned at this point). Also, Tony reveals he found Jarvis. Jarvis went underground. Tony wants Bruce to put Jarvis into the body, in order to override the ultron bits in the body.

"This is the perfect opportunity. We can create Ultron's perfect self, without the homicidal glitches he thinks are his winning personality." You know, I have a hard time thinking Tony would be that tone deaf. There surely had to be another way to get the same end result of the creation of Vision. That is such a dumb thing to say. I get that Tony can be blinded by his quest for knowledge of invention, but this is a little beyond blinded, especially after everything else.

"I'm in a loop. I'm in a time loop. This is exactly where it all went wrong." Bruce says the rightest thing in an hour of this film. Good call Bruce. Nothing says a good time like characters having the same argument repeatedly.

"We're mad scientists. We're monsters, buddy. We've gotta own it. Make a stand." REALLY? REALLY TONY?

Anyway —

• Nat is being held by Ultron. Ultron monologues to her.

This doesn't bother me as much as it bothered some. I mean the Nat being held part. The monologuing was super cliched.

Anyway, Nat is 'held' by Ultron. She immediately starts working on a transmitter, knowing Clint is looking for a signal from her. So, you know, she's able to be a sort of tracker to Ultron. So … why break out if that's where the fight's going down anyway? And when Bruce turns up to "rescue" her, her first thing is all "okay, so what's the play?". So … I'm in the 'she got there first and was just waiting for them to show up' camp.

• Bruce has caved to Tony's weird persuasion. Anyway. Okay.

Steve shows up with the twins to try and stop transferring jarvis to the body. Arguing arguing blah blah. Pietro disconnects the power to the cradle. And Clint finally gets his shot in on that speedy little bastard, and he's so proud of himself.

And now there's more fighting. Steve and Tony go at it. Bruce grabs Wanda. It's all very … not interesting.

Clint runs up and he's got to be all "wtf? who do I aim at?" you're the best, clint and my favorite ever. screw the rest of these idiots, I just want two hours of him and pietro and wanda.

Then Thor turns up. He jumps on the cradle, does his lightening thing and directs it to the cradle. And Vision is born. Thor holds everybody off while Vision figures himself out.

Thor then explains the infinity stones. Vision has the mind gem. He also says that's the source of Wanda's powers.

I like Vision. Also he's pretty. And he is worthy. He hands Thor Mjölnir.

And they're off to Sokovia. Because Clint tracked down the signal Nat sent, because she's waiting for the rest of the idiots to catch up. Make it 2 hours of clint and nat and the twins. I'd pay for that.

• They try to evacuate the city. Steve gives his orders and a soliloquy.

"Ultron thinks we're monsters. That we're what's wrong with the world." Well, Nat and Bruce are on the fence about their monsterness. Also, Tony did just have the bizarre bad idea to embrace his inner monster. That happened like three minutes ago. That was such a weird scene, too. Ugh. This movie! Such a mess! (WE MIGHT BE MONSTERS! ARE MONSTERS MADE ARE THEY INSIDE OF US WHAT MAKES US MONSTERS? DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU? DO YOU?)

"This isn't just about beating him. It's about whether he's right." No, Steve, I'm pretty sure that right now, it should be entirely about beating him. "The Earth could be destroyed and we'll all be dead, but we'll rest comfortably in the ashes of the Barton children knowing that we weren't monsters like Ultron thought we were." You can philosophize after you've saved the planet. UGH!!!

• Ultron's hanging out in the church again. Tony finds him. Ultron asks if Tony's come to confess his sins. So … Ultron is a priest/preacher/minister of some type? Are we narrowing down this tortured and tenuous religious metaphor to something almost coherent? It only took 1:39:41.

He liked the symmetry of faith and he's stuck his destructo device in the middle of the church and it's symbolic of … I got nothing. Because Ultron doesn't really mention anything about it again. And he misses the opportunity to rhapsodize religiously when he's fighting the God of Thunder.

Look, go for the metaphor/allegory/whatever, or don't. Just don't half-ass it.

• Apparently this armor is the Mark XLV. (I hope Tony recycles, because those things are expensive and that's Darcy's inheritance he's burning through with FORTY-FIVE suits of armor. Not counting War Machine or the Iron Intern.)

• Vision traps Ultron's matrix to, I guess, the local ultron bot network, so he can't escape through the internets. Did ultron bots elsewhere in the world just drop? Or are they all called to Sokovia for this? I'll assume so. Figure travel time.

• Ultron's device will lift a chunk of the city and then drop it, making a big bomb that will ultimately destroy the world.

• A zillion ultron bots invade the city. And now it'll be six hours of cgi robot battles. I want to take a nap.

• Ultron monologues again. "You, Avengers, you are my meteor. My swift and terrible sword." So … he's back to maybe being God now? I'm so confused.

"And the Earth will crack with the weight of your failure." Wait, I thought they were your sword? Is it their failure that they've become your sword, or will they fail as your sword?

• Bruce/Nat scenes that actually aren't entirely terrible. I do really like "I adore you" SHOVE. Heh. ILU Nat.

• I never noticed before that Friday has some sort of Irish-ish accent.

• Clint and his new daughter Wanda are fighting off robots and rescuing people. And she's all "how could I let this happen? this is my fault?" and clint gives his inspiring "yeah, it's everybody's fault. chin up kid. the city is flying. I've got like twelve arrows. Go out there and you're an Avenger, let's go kill robots" speech. It was better than than Cap's. (ILU Cap, but you're poorly written in this movie)

Wanda decides to be an Avenger and goes robot smashing and Clint looks at her with such pride. (Well, no, he just nods and tells Cap they're clear)

And then Pietro runs up and calls him old man and Barton Bartons, he takes aim on Pietro from behind. "Nobody would know. Nobody. 'The last I saw him, an Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah, he'll be missed, that quick little bastard. I miss him already.'" Ha.

That's always worth watching a couple times. I mean, hey, AoU is not entirely irredeemable. There's good bits. There's just also a lot of not good bits.

• More robot fighting. Stark and Friday are trying to come up with a solution. Tony's got the idea to blow up/vaporize the flying part of the city, to keep it from hitting the ground and, you know, killing the planet.

Fury, always a master of timing, shows up with the primary helicarrier for evac of the city. Pietro is impressed.

And they bring along Rhodey!

• More robot fighting.

• Barton goes to rescue a kid. There's shooting. Pietro saves them by suddenly running slow enough to get hit by bullets. And dies. Because … ? After everything they did to work out the rights to Pietro and Wanda for this film and for the MCU in general, to go and kill one of them off, it's so irritatingly stupid.

• Anyway, it distracts wanda and an ultron hits the destructo device, dropping the city while Tony is busy trying to vaporize it.

• Somehow Hulk ended up on a quinjet. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. And he has it in stealth mode and he just takes off despite Nat's attempts to call him back.

• Vision has a final confrontation with what's left of Ultron. "Stark asked for a savior and settled for a slave." So … he's Jesus? NOBODY KNOWS. Vision saves us all by finishing him off.

• The New Avengers Facility in upstate New York has a HUGE staff. I don't think I ever noticed that, either. Including, Erik Selvig.

• Steve and Tony try to rationalize why Vision can pick up Mjölnir, Thor's just content to ignore them and say Vis can keep the mind gem because he's worthy and such. "Elevator's not worthy."

Thor takes off back to Asgard on account of how all the infinity stones keep turning up. So somebody's mucking about, and by Odin's neckbeard he'll find out what!.

Tony is taking a break from Iron Man-ing. New team reveal — Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, Vision.

• Estimated Time: Three days to try to integrate the Ultron AI. AI attacks at night. Next day they ID Gollum. They arrive in South Africa in daylight, so next next day. Five Days then? Then they arrive at Farm at daylight, early morning. Another day. Fury is there at night. They leave at night. So on to day six. Go to Seoul, and Tony to Oslo. Two more days? Then Vision is born at night and then to Sokovia. Another day. So … the week and a half of Ultron.

#my fic #age of ultron #this movie #ugh so frustrating

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lorilane33 · 7 years

Text

Let Me Help Pt. 3

Summary: In this part Dean confronts Sam on the stunt he pulled, and shit kinda hits the fan. That’s about it for this one. Pissy Dean shows up.

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: 1,434

Warnings: Pissy Dean. A couple of curse words. I don’t even know for this part. Not many.

A/N: Part three is hereee!!! :D This is just the build up to what’s gonna happen later ;) I’m currently writing part six. This part isn’t much... just build up. A yelling match between brothers. If I’m feeling ferocious enough this week I might just post part four early.

Missed out? Here’s Part 1 Part 2

Turning back around, he goes to take a sip of his drink when he hears it. A sound that has haunted his thoughts and dreams for over four years. His body freezes and his eyes go wide. ‘It can’t be. She took off four years ago,’ he frantically thinks to himself. Then he hears it again. Your laugh was a sound that he had missed since the day she left. Trying to figure out where she is at Dean once again turns around, suddenly regretting his decision. You’re sitting with none other than Sam. Dean’s blood boils. He then realizes that Sam must have been in contact with you the entire time because your meeting doesn’t seem like a chance meeting at a cafe.

Livid, Dean leaves his chair and stalks over to the table where you and Sam are sitting. Sam looks up from your face and the color drains from his as his eyes widen. “Oh… Um. Hey, Dean.”

Dean’s POV

Fists clenched, body ridged, Dean replies, “Sam… get to the car. Now. We’ve got work to do.” Facing you he adds through a tight smile, “Y/N, it was good to see you. Glad to see you’re doing well.” Turning and practically shoving Sam out the door, the boys leave in a huff and the whole scene is over, leaving you utterly speechless.

Dean is so angry he’s speechless. Sam is sitting next to him just waiting for him to explode, but it doesn’t happen the entire drive to the motel. Hurt and angry, Dean is thinking about where to even start with Sam when they arrive back, but he’s struggling to even think straight.

Pulling into the motel parking lot, Dean turns off the car and gets out, roughly shutting Baby’s door without even looking at Sam. He’s wearing a hole into the carpet while running his hand through his hair when Sam walks in, pacing in fury.

As soon as the door is shut Dean lunges and Sam and throws a right hook, connecting firmly with Sam’s face, sending Sam reeling against the door. His hand flies to his jaw as he tries to regain his balance. Dean’s suddenly in his face. “So’s there anything you wanna tell me, Sammy? Maybe, oh I don’t know, why the HELL I saw you with Y/N today?!”

Sam’s hand flies to cradle his jaw, shoving past Dean in the process. “Okay, yeah. I deserved that one, Dean. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

“Sorry? You’re sorry?!? Oh, that’s rich. How long, Sam? How long have you been talking to her behind my back?”

Still holding his jaw, Sam moves to the bed to sit down. “Dean, look. I know I screwed up okay? But with how you were… you know what? Just, listen. Don’t talk, don’t think, don’t fume, just listen. I’ll explain everything. Please, sit down. Your pacing is going to make me sick.”

Slowing his movements Dean looks at Sam warily, and decides he’s curious enough to listen to the request. Soon after he finds himself sitting on the bed across from Sam, pointedly not making eye contact for fear of wanting to punch him in the face again. His jaw remains clenched.

“Okay,” Dean nods slowly, “I wanna know everything. Why the hell did you keep this from me?”

Sam’s smile is small and hesitant as he continues. “Yes. Y/N left us four years ago, and I’ve been in contact with her the entire time. No, I didn’t do it to spite you. She was hurting Dean, real bad. You were a mess after Dad died and she just couldn’t take it. So she left.”

Dean looks up at this, pain evident under the anger still in his eyes as Sam continues. “At first, my goal was to make sure she was doing okay until she could get her feet under her. She’d call every other week to check in and see how you were doing. I thought that after she settled in Arkansas she’d stop calling. But then we started looking forward to talking to each other. We kept each other grounded. She’s practically our sister, Dean and I missed her. A lot.” He runs his hand through his long locks in frustration.

“I missed the conversations we used to have. I started talking to her about what was going on here, and it made it easier. You were so self deprecating; always talking about how it was you that deserved to die, not Dad. We’d have conversations about hunts and about how I was dealing with the aftermath of some of them, and I started to feel like she was helping me more than I was helping her.”

Not being able to contain his frustration, Dean swiftly stands and once again starts pacing; Sam can almost feel him thinking and processing everything. Dean reaches up and pinches the bridge of his nose to steel himself for the rest of the story.

Sam continues, “A few months after she left she was talking about finding a new career that didn’t involve waiting tables, so the two of us talked about it and I mentioned that she’d be a fantastic counselor; maybe even offering a side practice for hunters. She was handling my venting to her like a pro, and has always been really good at connecting with people.”

Dean smirks and nods his head in agreement. He knew exactly how good she was at connecting with people. “She got her degree online within the next year or so and I used some old connections here to find her a job. Dean, she’s doing really well. After watching you on your way to self-destruction she decided she wanted to help hunters. She loves you so much, Dean, and watching you blow up in front of her and not being able to do a damned thing about it killed her. Please. Don’t be angry with her,” Sam pleads. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, signaling the end of his explanation.

Dean looks at Sam, processing the information he’s been given. Suddenly he’s across the room and in Sam’s face. “That’s awesome that she was willing to help you like that. I really don’t care if you had a list of a million reasons why she left. The fact is that you lied to me. You kept her from me! FOR FOUR YEARS SAM!!! Who says you were the only one who missed her?! And regardless of her being close to us, you’re my brother, Sam!! And family just don’t pull that shit!! I’m outta here.” Before Sam can respond Dean has grabbed his coat and is slamming the motel door. He can hear Baby revving as Dean peels out of the parking lot.

Sam sighs as he once again places a hand gently to his jaw. “Well. That went well.”

Dean sits at the bar staring at his glass of whiskey, idly playing with the glass. He’d arrived here and had every intention of getting completely drunk, which is exactly what he did.

Kyle, the college kid behind the bar, comes up to Dean. “ Anything else I can get you, sir?”

“What’s with the ‘sir’ nonsense, kid? I sure as hell ain’t no ‘sir,’” he mumbles. Kyle smiles at him sadly as he continues. “I could just strangle my brother Sammy and Y/N. Did you know they lied to me for four years?”

“No, I don’t believe I knew that,” Kyle replies, when in fact he does know that. He knows everything because Dean ranted about it all as soon as he had a few drinks under his belt.

“Well they did! Those bastards lied to me. How dare they! They’re my family. That’s not what family does.” Dean looks at Kyle, and Kyle instantly feels sorry for the man. It’s apparent that what Sam and Y/N did has really torn him up.

“You know, it might help if you go talk to your brother about this instead of me. It sounds like you two have a lot to talk about, and he needs to hear what you have to say, man.” Kyle places a glass of water in front of Dean. “Drink this, and then promise me you’ll walk back to where you’re staying and talk to him.”

By this point Dean is so drunk that he numbly agrees. “Okay, yeah. That’s a good idea.” Setting down enough bills to cover his tab, he shoves away from the bar and heads out. Getting into Baby he starts her up and lets her idle for a second, then pulls her out into traffic.

He’s sitting at a stop sign, about to turn left to head back to the motel when he sees you heading in the opposite direction. Before he can really think about what he’s doing he’s turned right and is tailing you, hoping to talk to you about what happened. Soon enough he’s stopped a few houses down from yours, watching you walk in your front door carrying some grocery sacks, the front door closing behind you.

Not wanting to make it obvious that he’d followed you he waits a few minutes before quietly idling Baby up to the front of your house, turning her off and stepping out. Moving up your sidewalk and to the front door Dean finds himself hesitating to knock. A brief second of worrying about what the hell he was doing there passes and then his knuckles are rapping roughly on the door.

Part 4

Tags: @bringmesomepie56 @aorma22 @torrentmgc @savetheimpalaridedean @vaisabu @madithemagicalfangirl @dancingalone21 @anokhi07 @green-love-red-fantasyhearts @scarletsxies @smoothdogsgirl @superromijn @pretty-odd-jenn @my-own-paradise-fuckers @wevegotworktodo @inmysparetime0 @i-dont-know-how-to-write @rattyretro-blog-blog @arryn-nyxx @sis-tafics @jalove-wecallhimdean @dustycelt @supernatural-jackles @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @spnfanficpond @27bmm @pinknerdpanda @emilywritesaboutdean @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @babybrotherdean @babypieandwhiskey @nichelle-my-belle @iwantthedean @dreamingintheimpalawithdean @ravengirl94 @eyes-of-a-disney-princess

#supernatural #supernatural one shot #spn family #spn fic #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #Let Me Help #Supernatural fan fiction

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