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fernsnailz · 2 months

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February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return.

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here.

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

#to get to my hazbin hotel opinions you must first read my pitch on how i would have written high school musical 3 #jesus christ. either i gotta watch less things or learn to shut the hell up next month this is a longass post #review roundup #long post

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variousqueerthings · 1 year

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if one wants to read most of the (primary-tertiary) team members + affiliates as queer/queer adjacent, which I do for the heck of it:

obviously colin and trent are gay. will's just had his first threesome. keeley's been openly bi for awhile

ted's figuring himself out later in life, after thinking he was straight for a long time and now firmly divorced. higgins surprises everyone by casually mentioning he had a thing with a guy way back before he got married and of course his wife knows. jamie's been feeling more confident as a bisexual man (did keeley know is the question) once his dad is out of the picture. roy's been pushing that shit down for years, because he's slightly older than the rest of the players and his time was way more mired in homophobia than even today

isaac's questioning some things, mainly if all this dating and sex is really as interesting as the football. bumbercatch is unclear, since he just goes on a rant about how current-day sexuality and gender are constructs that need to be torn down and rebuilt in order to fight capitalist colonialist fascism. zoreaux/van damme mostly agrees with bumbercatch and high-fives him. montlaur says that he doesn't discriminate, because sex is a beautiful thing with any model. dani rojas semi-misunderstands montlaur and agrees with a "love is love, no matter who it is with" and he definitely had an intense homoerotic friendship in mexico (he relates to almodóvar films)

the rest of the team for the most part are unclear, due to the fact that most of them decide to give their queer credentials at the exact same time in response to colin's coming out, but the cacophony is cheerful

which leaves beard, rebecca, nate, and sam. I kind of like the idea of beard being someone who's confidently straight, because he went out and gave sex with men a go. he's also got that cis+ thing going for him, in that once he learned about trans theory he read all the books and was like. "hmm" for a couple of days, before going "yeah, bein a dude is good for me." rebecca is mostly straight, but if the right girl came along (the right girl would be butch + in her 40s-60s, because really what she's into is competency and a certain kind of masculinity) + she and sassy used to casually make out sometimes. nate is a flipping mess in terms of self-awareness, he could go any way at this point in his life. has he stared at a footballer for longer than is considered "strictly chill"? maybe, but he'll never tell

sam is straight, but he's the one who gets everyone's shit together and organises the pride work they do, because he's also the guy who inspires the rest of the team to get fucking organised (next to jamie)

jan maas is also straight. maybe. who knows - the rest of the team think, considering what was experienced in amsterdam - if any dutch people are straight...

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #colin hughes #trent crimm #roy kent #sam obisanya #isaac mcadoo #richard montlaur #dani rojas #thierry zoreaux #moe bumbercatch #will kitman #keeley jones #leslie higgins #jan maas #nathan shelley #rebecca welton #coach beard

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 8 months

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tuesday again 8/29/2023

my ENTIRE SUMMER has been either worrying about moving or actually moving. ALL OF IT. however an incredibly hot butch milf on the gay community bulletin board/dating app lex has finally answered my piteous call for gun safety classes with an invitation to her private range. unfortunately she is a landlord who owns a VERY large apartment complex. houston is a land of contrasts

listening

more joywave! one of my favorite bands bc they are best listened to in full album format, and i did a fuck of a lot of driving this weekend. little lies you’re told has an opening like a big machine warming up while you are in a control room way high up on a gantry somewhere. spotify

reading (2x bonus round)

All The Trimmings by Tesni Morgan (published 2001 in the UK) is a gift from @believerindaydreams. it is “erotic fiction written by women for women” (debatable) and “the publishers recommend that this book should be sold only to adults”. also, “Black Lace novels contain sexual fantasies. In real life, make sure you practise safe sex.” idk i’ve ever seen that kind of notation on an american novel before? fascinating precursor to the saccharine little “stay safe kids” ao3 authors notes

i do find the premise genuinely fun and compelling— two divorced milfs opening a hotel/bordello with historically themed rooms. i have had to look up a lot of british purple prose and i refuse to believe anyone says “rogering” in real life.

im being edged with glimmerings of bisexuality. every time one of the milfs gets turned on and goes out roaming to distract herself from being turned on, i go “oh?” like at a pokemon go egg, but so far all the dalliances and encounters have been dudes.

had a very strange experience with cormac mccarthy's blood meridian. i don’t normally interrogate whether or not i am the intended audience for a work except when it’s literally made for children, bc i as a modern bisexual woman am the intended audience for vanishingly few works. for example, many entire genres (westerns) are very challenging to enjoy.

a western has never made me go "wait so why DO i like westerns at all" so hard. like, what AM i doing here in this genre that is often deeply fucking uncomfortable to consume as a woman, and where the most foundational american and european works of the genre often uncritically embrace the worst parts of the american mythos in the most violent way possible? i do believe critics when they say mccarthy is not embracing violence for the sake of, and in fact has something to say with his revisionist western, but my god is it hard to wade through. anyway, dad media will not fuck me and i still have only a tenuous grasp on why i try so hard to glean enjoyment from it.

i know what mccarthy is trying to do and the overall tone of “weird old maybe-uncle” spinning a yarn to a big group of you and your cousins around a fire somewhere is pretty effective. unfortunately I have less tolerance for mccarthy’s style now than when I read The Road thirteen years ago in high school. i was immediately super invested in The Road’s single dad and how he and his kid were surviving, which does not need a lot of interiority.

blood meridian also has very little interiority. the first five chapters are a teen falling in and out of various fights. i was not, and am still not invested. if im reading A Man Goes On A Journey western (as opposed to A Stranger Comes to Town western) i would like to know two or three things about the man, especially if it seems to be angling at a bildungsroman. i don't typically care for third-person objective narration when it is this closely focused on one guy, and i really don't care for loving descriptions of maggots. comforting to know a lot of critics were also squicked out by this book. so it goes.

watching

finished watching s1 of spy x family! a Legally Not West German spy in Legally Not East Berlin has to go into deep cover and pose as a family man in order to gain access to Legally Not Erich Honecker, because the only social events Legally Not Erich Honecker goes to are the ones at his son's elite prep school.

this man FLINGS himself into being the absolute best husband and father possible. for the mission, of course.

i found the first few episodes the best, which is generally the opposite of my normal anime experience. i think it does a really good job of balancing high-octane spy hijinks and chases and explosions with very domestic concerns (he PROPOSES. with a THE RING OFF A HAND GRENADE. AFTER THROWING IT), and once you're really hooked on these characters it turns into a bit of a curtainfic. curtainanime? i had fun with all of it and anxiously await season two, but the actual applied spycraft does drop off significantly as the series goes on.

playing

we're going to continue with out of context genshin screencaps for the duration. the watery land of fontaine has a neat smorgsabord of visual style-- freshwater but also saltwater but also the aquarium section at petsmart.

making

unpacking mostly. acquired this coffee table and its mother. needs a very deep cleaning and some touchups but is intact. the individual tables are a bit large for like individual party drinks tables but all six together are QUITE large. four tigether would be a comfortable coffee table size for many apartments imo but! bc everything truly is bigger in Texas including my apartment it works for right now. for the first time in my life i am considering a sectional sofa bc the living/dining room is that dang big.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

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qqueenofhades · 3 years

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20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

#book recs #book recommendations #bookblr #happy pride #pride month #lgbtqia #long post

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sapphicbookclub · 2 years

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Author Spotlight: Anna Pulley

Today’s spotlight shines on Anna Pulley, who just released her first book earlier this month! That book, Love Where You Work: An Office Romance, is one of our latest book club reads. Why we (still) need hopeful queer stories

TW: internalized homophobia, murder, suicide

I first learned about gay people when I was three. The house my family rented had been previously occupied by two deeply closeted gay men in the military. One shot the other, and then shot himself. I never learned more about them than that.

A few year’s later, my best friend’s mom, who had been straight her entire life, discreetly moved in with a very butch woman named Paula. She insisted for two years that they were roommates, even after Paula became violent with her, and she had no one to turn to for support.

A few years after that, my own mother relayed her one encounter with “lesbians”––a pair of bisexual girls who seduced her college boyfriend into a threesome, thus ending my mother’s relationship.

A few years after that, a friend pointed out to me the one gay bar in Tucson. I’d seen it many times, but didn’t know what it was. The bar was in a plain, brown square of a building with no sign and the street-facing windows were entirely covered in thick black paint. (They still are.)

The takeaway to my young queer self was obvious: Certain stories should not be told. Certain lives should be buried, or hidden away, out of view. Queerness is not only shameful and obscene, but could very well get you beat up or killed.

Books about queerness when I was growing up weren’t much better, and the unfortunate themes of women-loving-women narratives are marked by fear, secrecy, and violence. Look no further than the bastion of optimism that is The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall, “the most depressing lesbian novel ever written,” as one critic put it. Or Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinstein. Both protagonists suffer immense abuse, trauma, and violence due to their gender identity and sexuality. In Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg, implied lovers Ruth and Idgie sort of get to live happily for a little while, but first Idgie is tried for murder (Ruth’s abusive husband). Then Ruth gets lady-parts cancer (because of all the sinful scissoring?) and dies. In Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson, protagonist Jeanette is excommunicated from her God-fearing family and town, made homeless, and is forced to survive on her own. And it’s one of the more uplifting stories to come out of the ’80s!

What about movies? A quick tally: High Art (death; drug overdose), Foxfire (mistreatment, attempted rape, abuse), Lost and Delirious (suicide, return to straightness), Heavenly Creatures (murder, life imprisonment), and so on. Even But I’m a Cheerleader, the funny, crowd favorite of the ‘90s, revolves around a queer conversion camp, where literally every queer teen is rejected by their parents simply for being who they are.

Why am I telling you this?

Because words matter. Stories matter. Every tragic end to a queer person––in books, on TV, in films––drops a stone into a bucket of a young, impressionable heart, until one day they are so heavy that they can’t get up, and they don’t even know why.

Of course, a lot has changed in the last 20 years. And we’ve come a long, long way since my (admittedly not wildly progressive) Arizona upbringing. Many more hopeful and nuanced LGBTQ+ narratives are now available, well-received, and well-liked. But in spite of these immense strides, one of the biggest hurdles queer characters’ in media portrayals still face is that they can’t seem to stay alive. Killing off queer characters is so prevalent that it even has a dedicated, ever-expanding trope: Bury Your Gays.

This is why we need more hopeful gay stories. And this is why every story I’ve ever written, including my latest novel, Love Where You Work, has been a rebuttal to the bury your gays trope––and to the horrid messaging that tells queer people we’re expendable, depraved, broken, lesser-than, or confused heterosexuals on brief gay detours. (Another common queer lady narrative, aside from death, is a “return” to straightness.)

Love Where You Work tells an everyday lesbian love story, where the tragedies are limited to not enough alternative milks in the office fridge and a love interest who doesn’t know who Kristen Stewart is. This isn’t to say the characters don’t face hardships; they do. Because we all do. But the hardships aren’t limited to death or invisibility.

Not only do the queer characters NOT die, they learn to live with abundance, joy, and ordinary devotion.

Every day that queer people are alive and happy and resilient (even in fiction) is a rebuttal to those limiting, untrue narratives that many of us swallowed in our formative years because we never saw the joyous freedom that comes from living authentically, and didn’t know there was an alternative to fear, rejection, or shame.

Hopeful queer stories open doors for people who didn’t know such happiness was possible or that they could wish for it themselves. They show us what new worlds could look like, or old worlds made better, because they’re viewed with new eyes, new dreams, and new visions.

This isn’t to say that we need to view the world (or all of our books) with rose-tinted glasses or pretend that tragic stories don’t exist. They do and they always will. But this is also to say that we can do better. And we must do better.

We need books that showcase not just how we survive, but how we become, and more importantly, how we remain. We need realms filled with the brilliance of queerness that’s not under attack, denial, or threat of violence. We need word seeds and word breaths and word reimaginings that depict the world as inhabitable, joyful, and profoundly, ordinarily alive.

We need this not only for the next generation of queer people––many of whom are already leagues ahead when it comes to knowing who they are and being unapologetic about what they want––but for all people. Yes, straight people benefit from hopeful queer stories, too. If the only representations of a culture or subculture you see are marred by tragedy or stereotypes, then those representations form negative associations and often lead to biases, prejudices, or outright hostility.

I remember reading a book about the famous Implicit Association Test (IAT), which is a way to identify implicit bias (that is, hidden biases we hold that we might not be aware of), including race bias, but also bias against people with disabilities, obesity, and queer people. It’s extremely difficult to decrease one’s implicit bias, and in the book, the author tried over and over again to decrease his bias against Black people. Nothing worked, despite his sincere attempts. And then one day, he took the test and his bias went down, seemingly out of nowhere. He realized it was because he had been watching the Olympics that morning, which showcased the incredible feats and strengths of Black athletes. It was an antidote to the racist and stereotypical images he saw every day. Consuming resilient queer stories can have a similar effect. It’s one of the many reasons why visibility and representation matter.

If you had told the closeted, terrified queer person I was back in Arizona that I would grow up to be very out, proud, and to experience the immense privilege of writing three humorous, radical, queer books (with many more to come), I wouldn’t have believed you. I had no frame of reference. I was too blinded by the mirror society held up for me to see my own stark, vulnerable luminosity.

Every piece of art we create that affirms the truth at our cores is a radical act. It holds a small light up to the darkness that surrounds us, not only for ourselves, but for anyone else who needs to see there’s a universe of possibility waiting for them.

#author spotlight #guest post #lgbt author #diverse books #lgbt books

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stormyskyreads · 3 years

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Review of One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

Semi-professional review

August, a white bisexual woman from New Orleans, thinks her move to New York City is just going to be like all her other moves to new cities until she meets Jane, a daring and kind butch Chinese American woman. August bumps into Jane repeatedly on the subway and starts to realize there’s more to Jane than meets the eye: she’s from the 1970s and she’s trapped on the subway. It’s up to August and her new roommates to get her out. As this is happening, August reflects upon her rocky relationship with her mother who has been investigating the disappearance of August’s uncle since before August was born. This book has it all: a star-crossed romance, found family, and surprises in every chapter. Readers who love romance with a good helping of science fiction will devour this book. People who love the found family trope are also in for a treat. Ultimately, this is a book about two things and that is finding hope in the grim and allowing oneself to love and to be loved.

Rating

5 out of 5 stars

Less professional thoughts:

This book is amazing. I cried so much when I read this. I love all the characters. August has this beautiful family that she finds in her apartment-mates. All the characters are so witty and full of kindness and complex lives of their own. Also, McQuiston has spoken in interviews how the found-family trope was meant to be played out in this story on purpose because that’s the way a lot of queer people have family is by finding it themselves: finding people who will find out who they are and love them even harder for it. I love the romance in this book, but my favorite part was the found-family aspect.

Now, about the romance. I loved Jane. Jane is who we all want to be. She’s daring and witty and fights for what she believes in. Of course, she’s not without flaws. She runs. When things become too much, she runs away and immerses herself in the next city. August does that too; only, when August runs, she tries to disconnect herself from every place she goes as much as possible. A big part of August’s journey in the story is letting that part of herself go and trusting that if she allows herself to love the people around her, they will love her back.

Honestly, all this is barely scratching the surface of all the wonderful things about this book. McQuiston also writes a lot about the history of the queer community in America—mostly in big cities in America—as well as the problem of gentrification, and the importance of supporting local businesses. McQuiston even mentions that in the Acknowledgements section at the end of the book where she suggests that everyone read new queer authors they’ve never heard of to keep breathing new life into the book-side of the queer community and to support readers’ local Black-owned businesses, readers’ local Chinatown, and readers’ local drag bar. I highly recommend this book. It’s poignant and ridiculously funny and it’s definitely worth a read.

Rating

5 out of 5 stars. Will definitely re-read.

A song that reminds me of this book:

“Joyride” by Roxette

#one last stop #booklr #books #casey mcquiston #5 out of 5 stars #book review #new adult fiction #book reviews #skie reviews

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mondfahrt · 4 years

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Nobody asked for this but this is what tumblr is for, right? So here, some queer Die Wilden Hühner headcanons. Anyone can add to this, I really want to know all your queer headcanons! ( @theuncannybalth )

Sprotte: asexual, mostly into Fred but had a crush on Frieda once because lbh who didn‘t? Is extremely confused by basically every display of sexuality because there are really so many more interesting things in this world? On the other hand... that thing Fred‘s hair does right out of the shower? Makes her go all warm inside. Still, sex is... uninteresting, she just wants to live on a farm with her chickens and dogs and horses and friends. (And I don‘t know why but I really want the Klugscheißer to be her ally? Like, of course her mom is supportive but Oma Slättberg isn‘t and after one particularly bad day he goes to her and tells her off. He may not understand Sprotte all the time but he will support her.)

Frieda: pansexual queen, so laid back concerning her sexuality that she doesn‘t even realize that she‘s queer for the longest time. Also, she‘s basically the definition of an activist and spends all her life fighting for equality. Kindness is her biggest turn-on but queer confidence makes her Look. She wears a „free hugs“ shirt to Pride alongside her political banners, organizes protests, screams at Torte a lot for being sexist and terrible. Helps everyone but especially Wilma, Melanie and Trude overcome heartbreak. The Mom friend. Tends to push aside her own needs but will probably one day find a cute, really butch person who shares her enthusiasm and gets into heated debates with her that end in sex on the kitchen counter.

Trude: token straight girl but honestly the best ally and gets involved in body positivity. Once, Wilma and Frieda make her participate in a drag show for charity which helps her confidence a lot. She‘s still very self-conscious but will forget all about that when her friends are targeted by bigots. I can also totally see her as being very into history and going to protests with Frieda even when the others don‘t want to/don‘t have the time. (She definitely had a crush on Melanie once, though.)

Melanie: listen, she‘s my fave and I‘m projecting a lot here, but she‘s extremely bi and has a lot of internalized homo- and biphobia. Willi is probably the one she falls for the hardest (because OTP) but after they break up, after all that disaster in Book 5, they become Best Bi Friends, more than once crushing on the same person and maybe making out a bit when they‘re both lonely. I‘m not saying she realizes she‘s bi when falling for Wilma but... I‘m not not saying that either. Either way, some years into their twenties, that happens and Willi is the only one not surprised because he knew she had a crush on her for years even when Melli herself didn’t want to realize that.

Wilma: biggest lesbian on this planet, pines for Melanie most of her life, it‘s pretty pathetic to watch, especially after Melli‘s coming out when she‘s still making excuses like „well, okay, but she would never fall for me, even if she‘s into girls“. Theater gay, obviously, but also really into homoerotic readings of all the classic literature. Does not have time for heterosexual drama and will write stern letters to local theater productions why they didn‘t make that scene as gay as Shakespeare clearly intended it to be!

Fred: non-binary, they/them pronouns, Sprotte-sexual but would call themselves gay any day just to see the look of confusion in someone‘s (aka Torte‘s) face. They are extremely into skirts as soon as they get to wear one one day, and are completely shameless about it. Honestly, I can‘t see Fred being ashamed over anything.

Willi: bisexual, gets super flustered around pretty people in general but unapologetic guys in particular. Probably had a crush on Fred once but that ended at about the same time he witnesses Fred shove a marble up their nose (they were 14, it was a contest with Torte). He will probably always love Melanie a bit but is quite happy to transfer those feelings into a really close friendship. They overcome their internalized homophobia together and she teases him relentlessly about blushing any time a cute person smiles at him.

Torte: Token straight guy but also... not the best ally. Like, he and Trude have words about this more than once. He just doesn‘t get it. But he tries? Kind of? He hero-worships Fred and Willi so much that he tries to imitate them a lot during their teens, even tries to think about being gay or bi or non-binary or whatever - and is extremely frustrated because he just doesn’t feel that way. Girls are so pretty! (Frieda, sighing: „yes, they are.“ - Torte: „😨😨😨👀👀👀“) He misgenders a lot which leads to a lot of fights in the group and they almost fall out. This is where Trude steps in. He gets better at it but it‘s never the same anymore and it takes years and a lot of work on his part to mend those relationships.

Steve: trans woman, she/her pronouns, I‘ve written fanfiction about this, okay? She lets Melanie put make-up on her once, for her psychic/tarot reading seer persona - and is flashed by how much she likes it. Thus begins her path to discovering her gender. She likes her name and doesn’t change that but she does wear dresses almost exclusively and her seer persona suddenly is not really a character anymore. Her coming out is kind of awesome (first Wilma and the Hühner, who are extremely supportive) and messy. The Pygmäen are... supportive but confused, especially Torte and Willi who have their own stuff to deal with. Fred puts an end to it because they are the boss.

#die wilden hühner #idek #i think a lot about this

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princesssarisa · 4 years

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10 facts about Shana and her mother Darika. Plus the full OC interview with each of them :)

Here they are! Shanna, the “Beauty” of my wlw Beauty and the Beast retelling (which still lacks a definitive title, though I intend it to include the word “rose”), and Darika, her mother.

Shanna 10 facts 1. She is 14 years old during the story’s prologue, 17 when the main plot starts, and 19 by the end.

2. My facecast for her is the late Israeli singer Ofra Haza (best known to some of us for providing the voice of Moses’s mother Yocheved in The Prince of Egypt) when she was very young.

3. She’s mixed race. Her mother’s ancestors were white pseudo-Europeans, while her father’s came from a Middle Eastern-inspired culture. Both practiced the same Judaism- and Shamanism-inspired religion, though. She’s her world’s equivalent of a Jewish person who’s half Ashkenazi, half Mizrahi.

4. Her name is partly a variant of the Yiddish “Shaina,” meaning “beautiful,” and partly an abbreviation of the Hebrew “Shoshanna,” meaning “lily” or, more significantly, “rose.” It has nothing to do with the Hebrew “shana,” meaning “year” – they’re just almost-homonyms.

5. Unlike most traditional Beauty and the Beast Beauties, she’s the eldest of three sisters, not the youngest. Her two sisters aren’t wicked, but they are a bit of a handful because they’re so young, and she’s had to be their responsible caretaker. She plays that role well – her little sister Zuri sooner calls for her than for their mother when she needs help – but it’s kept her from fully exploring her own potential, which she finally does get to explore during her time with Liriel, the lady beast.

6. Her personality is very much like Disney’s original animated Belle: bookish, sweet, emotional, full of dreams, yet intelligent and strong willed too. She’s more socially awkward than Belle, though, and unfortunately, she also has the self-doubt of Robin McKinley or Megan Kearney’s Beauties. Unlike Belle, she’s internalized the idea that she’s odd and oversensitive, so she tries to act like a “normal” down-to-earth villager, until the year she spends with Liriel makes her realize her worth just as she is.

7. She’s an aspiring author and poet. At age 13, before her family fell into poverty, she wrote a play based on the popular story of the heroine Lady Yasfira, portraying her as more flawed and dynamic than in most retellings, giving more sympathy than usual to the “evil” queen who opposed her, and portraying them as having once been friends. (Think either The Prince of Egypt or Wicked, or both.) The play was never performed at the time, but years later, with Liriel’s encouragement, she fine-tunes it, and then they perform it together for Liriel’s animal servants – this plays an important role in their growing feelings for each other.

8. She rarely lets herself get angry, but when she does, she can verbally annihilate you.

9. She realized she was bisexual at age 11 when, after her first crush on a boy at her school ended, she developed a new crush on a girl. She probably realized this more quickly than most real-world bi girls do, because the setting, Zalina Island, has no homophobia. She never acted on her crushes, but only out of shyness, not because she saw anything wrong with liking girls.

10. Despite her gentle personality, she’s not especially femme: she’s more soft butch, or maybe futch. She dislikes dresses (fortunately, Zalina Island has no taboo against women in pants) and generally wears just one or two feminine articles, like a shawl or earrings, with otherwise boyish clothing.

Interview (as she would answer it around the middle of the story)

What did you want to be, when you were a kid? There were so many things I wanted to be at different times. A queen, a princess, a duchess, a prophet, a traveling bard, an actress, a shepherdess, a farmer, a lady knight, a prime minister, a priestess, an acrobat, a cook, a kitchen maid, a dressmaker like my mother, a merchant like my father, a doctor, a midwife, a goldsmith, a fairy… and eventually, I realized that the one way to be all those things was to be a writer.

When did you know you wanted to be a writer? As soon as I was old enough to realize that stories didn’t come out of thin air, but where written by people. I wanted to do it as soon as I knew I could.

Who inspires you? My mother, my father, and a wide array of fictional heroes and heroines.

If you got to choose, where would you like to live? With whom? I’d love to live in a castle. I try not to care where I live as long as my family is with me, but my dreams of living in some splendid beautiful place never seem to die. I wouldn’t want it unless my family was there too, though.

Which item would you never give away? My journal, where I write down my secret thoughts, poems and stories.

Tell us about the biggest mistake you made in your life. Until recently, I might have cited the time I forgot to write an important history essay for school because I got lost in writing my play Yasfira and Anefri. Or else the time I lost my temper with my three-year-old sister Zuri and hurt her feelings so badly that she ran away and was missing for over an hour. But now, there’s no doubt that my worst mistake was asking Mama to bring me back a unique flower if she could find one on her trip to the city. Who would have thought a flower would cost so much?

Did you ever fear for your life? Yes, the moment when I saw Lady Liriel for the first time, after I followed Mama back to her lair – half wolf, half dragon, and entirely terrifying – and even more so, when she sniffed the air and I knew she smelled me hiding there.

There’s people who say you’re strange. Do you have any comment on this? I’m afraid it’s true. So often my imagination feels more real than the real world, my mind flies off to places that no one else believes exist, my emotions swell and crash like tidal waves no matter how much I try to swallow them and put logic first, I’ve always asked too many questions, and I feel less alone with only my books, paper and pen than I do in crowds of people.

Tell us something about you that nobody knows. Well, not many people know how strange I am anymore. I’ve learned to copy Mama and pretend to be as sensible and down-to-earth as she and our neighbors are, instead of spewing my feelings and dreams the way I used to. If the villagers knew about my romantic fantasies or the stories and poems I write in my head, they would laugh or scold even more than the people in the city did when I was small.

What would make a perfect day for you? A few hours spent reading, a few spent writing, and maybe a trip to the theatre in the evening, with people who understand me and let me feel free to be myself.

Darika 10 Facts 1. She takes on the father’s traditional role in the Beauty and the Beast story. Her husband was a merchant, but he died in the same shipwreck that destroyed his merchandise and left the family impoverished. But a few years later, she learns that one of his ships survived after all, has to travel to reclaim its cargo, but gets lost in a forest… and we all know the rest. Recent BatB retellings have put a lot of effort into answering the question “What happened to Beauty/Belle’s mother?” in interesting and poignant ways. To be different, I thought “Why not make her mother the living parent?”

2. My facecast for her is the New York City Criminal Court judge Rachel “Ruchie” Freier. Not that I know much about Judge Freier, but her face look right for the character.

3. At the beginning of the story, she’s 35 years old. By the end, she’s 40.

4. She was born in a small, poor village at the base of the White Pine Mountains. Her parents died when she was a baby, so she was raised by her grandfather and her older sister, who have since died too.

5. She worked as a seamstress in the village until she met and fell in love with a wealthy young traveling merchant from an elite port city. Despite the disapproval of his social circle, they married. After his death, she took their daughters back to her home village to start a new life.

6. Her impoverished upbringing and family tragedies have toughened her. She takes a very practical, hardworking, no-nonsense approach to life, tries to teach her daughters to do the same, and is calm and resolute in the face of hardship, focusing on “What are we going to do about it?” She sometimes loses patience with her daughter Shanna’s dreaminess and sensitivity, which makes Shanna, who adores and idolizes her, feel inadequate and weak.

7. Inside, though, she feels just as deeply and intensely as Shanna does. Her love for her family is limitless and she’s actually very dependent on Shanna, who fills the role of the family’s nurturing caregiver more than Darika’s temperament lets her do.

8. One thing she and Shanna have in common, which Shanna learned from her, is strong integrity and deep compassion for others. For her, the best part of being rich was all the good she could do for the poor, while the hardest part of becoming poor again was having so little to give to those even poorer.

9. Her sewing is more than just her job – it’s an art. She embroiders the clothes and quilts she makes with all kinds of colors and unique designs. The vibrant images she creates are an outlet for the emotions she doesn’t express.

10. Her personality is inspired by assorted beloved literary heroines, both classic (Jane Eyre, Elinor Dashwood) and modern (Tamora Pierce’s lady knight Keladry of Mindalen). For all their differences, and though they’re much younger than Darika, all these heroines are quiet, practical, dignified, staunch in their integrity, deeply caring and passionate on the inside, and yet with masks of stoic self-control that they only drop when intensely provoked. I like those heroines and admire them, yet sometimes their popular role model status annoys me, because it’s hard for a highly sensitive, naturally effusive person to act like them. So Darika pays tribute to them, but the story will also emphasize that her daughters don’t need to be like her.

Interview (as she would answer it around the middle of the story) What did you want to be, when you were a kid? A forest sprite or a good witch. I had a wild imagination in those days, before the real world tamed it.

When did you know you wanted to be a seamstress? When I first learned that the flowers and birds on my childhood quilt hadn’t sprouted there by themselves, but were embroidered by my mother, and that the storytelling tapestries that hung on the village temple walls were sewn by other villagers in the same way. I wanted to create beauty like they had, and to tell stories through pictures, while at the same time creating useful things for others: clothes, blankets, handkerchiefs, etc. I think I willed my own talent for sewing into being to do just that.

Who inspires you? My older sister Shanna; the namesake of my daughter. We lost our mother very young, so she took on the role of mother for me, and every day her love and strength have inspired me as I’ve raised my own children.

If you got to choose, where would you like to live? With whom? I would live in a clean, elegant, comfortable house with my daughters, a servant or two, and my husband, if only I could bring him back.

Which item would you never give away? My wedding ring.

Tell us about the biggest mistake you made in your life. Three of them, one directly after the other. First, when I was lost in the Great Forest during a storm, I took shelter in what I thought was an ordinary cave. Then, when I found that the inside looked like a castle, I should have turned and left; even then I knew that such an enchanted place would be dangerous. But I was cold, wet, and afraid I would die if I went back out into the storm, so I stayed. Last but not least, when I discovered the greenhouse garden in that castle-cave, I crept in and picked a rose as a gift for my daughter Shanna. Who would have dreamed a single flower would cost so much?

Did you ever fear for your life? I feared for my life when I was lost in the storm, but even more so when I came face to face with Lady Liriel. I’ll never forget the sight of her matted fur and vampire-bat fangs as she glared down at me.

There’s people who say you’re cold and stony. Do you have any comment on this? They don’t really know me.

Tell us something about you that nobody knows. Very few people fully know me, not even my daughters. I play the role of the calm, practical peasant woman, but it’s only skin-deep. Shanna thinks all her wild passions and romantic dreams came from her father, but really she inherited them from me too. My grandfather knew the secret me, and so did my sister, and my husband. But they’re all gone, and as I’ve buried each of them, I’ve buried those aspects of myself more deeply.

What would make a perfect day for you? A quiet day of embroidery by the fire at home, with my daughters all near me and all happy.

#my writing #oc ask #10 facts #oc interview #shanna #darika #my ocs #cinefantastiquemitho

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thimblelina · 4 years

Text

CHARACTER STUDY on SEYMOUR and ORIN

(Veeeerry slightly NSFW because there are two vague bullet points about Orin’s sex life.)

I’m sure I’ll add more later. If y’all have any ideas for me to add to this list, by all means tell me them!

———————————————

Seymour:

- Really loves Audrey II like his own child

- Is on the autism spectrum

- Always wished Mushnik was his dad and dreamed of a world in which Mushnik was nice to him and gave him the shop one day. He’d turn it into a shop of all strange and interesting plants.

- Loves researching plants in the library

- Secretly loves science books aimed at children the most, and has scanned pages from them on his bedroom wall

- Mostly dissociates when he kills people

- Gags/throws up after killing people

- Loves Audrey with all his heart. He fell in love with her when he saw how artistically she arranged flowers.

- Is cis and straight but often mistaken for a gay man or a butch lesbian. He doesn’t care. Lgbt people have always been nice to him.

- Loves reading the newspaper comics

- Collects old pictures from thrift stores

- Bites his nails and picks his scabs

- Bakes terrible cookies often, which Audrey pretends to like

- Has never killed a bug on purpose

- Is Jewish because his baby blanket (the only thing his parents left him) had hebrew on it and it gives him a sense of identity

- Made friends in grade school by building things

- Is self conscious about how slowly he ties shoelaces and therefore often has untied laces

- Often saves up and buys Audrey little presents but then is too scared to give them to her and consequently has a box full of them. (Mostly small plushies and shiny costume jewelry.)

- Doesn’t feel like he has friends because he doesn’t hang out with people after work/on weekends, but everyone in town loves him and stops to talk with him. He gets lunch with the old woman who owns the thrift store every Wednesday.

Orin:

- Really loved his mom

- Was emotionally and physically abused by his father

- Became aggressive to prove his masculine worth to his father

- Is dentophobic and feels ultimately powerful when conquering that fear (Thank you for suggesting this, Anonymous tumblr ask!)

- Is horny all the time

- Is bisexual but considers himself straight because he’s always a top (not how that works, Orin)

- Thinks he is much smarter than he is

- Once wrote a terrible survival novel he thinks is good

- Secretly loves the renaissance faire

- Hates getting wet, like a cat

- Wears eyeliner and denies it

- Is a total baby when he gets hurt himself

- Is Catholic

- Was a bully and sent to a special correctional school where he charmed the teachers and secretly terrorized the other students. (The same thing happened in Med School.)

- Doesn’t see what he does to Audrey as abuse, sees it as normal “discipline.” (Gross)

- Completely denies that he is unusually short

- Lives just outside of Skid Row in a large, well-maintained basement apartment which he keeps impeccably clean.

- Has a group of three other motorcycle guys he gets drinks with but doesn’t feel fulfilled when it comes to friendship. The group is competitive about everything and just trying to pick up dates all the time.

Physically

Seymour:

- leads with head

- Scratches the back of his head

- Has t rex arms when he’s looking for something

- Sometimes hands in pockets

- Often hunched shoulders

- Rocks back on his heels

Orin:

- leads with his pelvis

- Runs fingers through hair

- Thumbs in belt loops often

- Stands up straight, but moves hips often

- “Friendly” nudges and pokes

#lsoh #lsoh headcanons #little shop #little shop of horrors #little shop of horrors musical #seymour lsoh #orin lsoh #seymour krelborn art #orin scrivello #dentist little shop of horrors #dentist lsoh #character study

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takaraphoenix · 4 years

Note

Have you seen Love Victor? If not, do you plan to?

I just finished binging it! So I’ll use this to talk about it. Which means: Spoilers ahead! ;)

Overall, I liked it. I really liked the characters, I liked that they all got their own depth and problems. I liked the family and their dynamic (though kid brother came very short, but it was only 10 episodes so there’s that).

I was skeptical at first, naturally so - I mean, a spin-off show from Love, Simon but with zero of the characters from the movie? That’s... odd. What’s the point of that then? Just make it its own thing? Especially considering I had heard from book-readers that one of the girls was bisexual, so I was a bit put-out that they do a spin-off, but not about that - which would have been a rather natural way to go.

I think it worked very well though. I really loved the way in which it did tie into Love, Simon. Having Simon as his mentor like that, building up their friendship - I was very happy to see both Bram and Simon again! That was a surprise, I didn’t expect them to show up at all, to be honest.

There were things they didn’t handle very well, in my opinion. Namely the cheating. One kiss, in the heat of the moment, still confused and trying to figure him out? I’ll give him that. But the second kiss and then ultimately the third, which Mia saw? That went too far.

And making Mia see it was just such a bad move. I like their dynamic, I think Mia and Victor could have a great friendship, but I don’t... see them coming back from that, because that was humiliating. On the dance that Mia was looking forward to? Having to see it?

I wish they hadn’t forced that to be so unnecessarily dramatic, instead of just giving Victor the chance to come out on his own terms - seriously, it was my biggest upset with Love, Simon already, the forced outing. So that Victor now had Andrew overhear things and Mia witness things... I just hope they don’t turn Andrew into a total jackass who does out Victor to the school, but even on the small two person scale, it was already... too much, for me. Especially with Mia.

Had Victor gotten the chance to tell her on her own, that could have been so great. But this cliche of “and then someone walks in and something More Dramatic happens so the person puts it off and they put it off so far that the secret gets out on its own oopsie” is so cringey and so overused.

When the end came around with his parents and he turned to go to bed, I got very mad there for a moment because seriously, they pull it twice? I’m glad he came out on his own. I still don’t really like the how, because seriously he wanted to tell his parents something and instead of listening to them, they’re like “please sit down and let us go first and tell you that we’re separating”. No, don’t make it about you when your kid declares they have something to say to you?

That cliffhanger leaves me very anxious about how his parents will take it. If they do another beat by beat of the movie and have the dad be cute and awkward and apologize for his previous behavior, which would be better but is also a bit of a let down for they just repeating themselves again, or if they do have him double down on the homophobia, which wouldn’t be very stellar considering the fact that the white boy protagonist from the movie got his happily accepting family so making the POC protagonist of the show actually have a hard-set homophobic dad... would be disappointing.

I kind of wish Victor would have confided in Pilar independently, on the way back home - especially since they walked there, that’d have been peaceful and enough time for him to tell her. I really want to explore their dynamic more next season and see her be a supportive sister, see them grow closer.

I gotta say, I wasn’t big on that Felix/Lake thing. It was such a cliche of “nice nerd pining for the hot girl but never being noticed until guy she likes treats her bad and She Notices Him”... Very tiresome straight nonsense that one.

There was one small thing that bothered me and I don’t know if that is a cultural thing and I am just not actually familiar enough with American terminologies - but when Bram was Victor’s guide into all things gays and he kept using femme and butch for gay men, that... really bothered me as a lesbian. Those are women exclusive terms, aren’t they? I can see the femme being used for feminine gay men, but I have never in my life heard a dude be referred to as “butch”. Especially since “butch” has certain visual connotations to it - but those guys were simply regular gay men, who shocked Victor because they “don’t look gay! :O”. But male jocks aren’t... butch...?

I just think that a show that is supposed to be about discoving yourself and discovering the community... should be a way of introduction for the audience too so the baby gays watching it can learn from it. So I do think that such things should be... used properly, because these “coming of age”-stories do owe the viewer something introductory because the target audience are kids who are in that age and they should be able to look at these things for at least some guidance into figuring themselves out.

And, on that topic, I do wish they had paid more focus to the “figuring out” section. That was an under one minute montage of internet pages with big labels of bisexuality, pansexuality and... foot fetishes. That was it and it was kind of discarded after. This would have been a great opportunity to actually have Victor explore those identities, read up on them, try them out on himself, see if any of them fit - bisexuality or pansexuality or heck after he tried to have sex with Mia but it didn’t click he could have also come to explore asexuality. It was such a quickly discarded moment and while I can read that as him internally already knowing his truth, knowing he is gay and doesn’t really need to explore, I still think that in the overall story, at least one episode of focus on identities and how confusing figuring labels out can be... would have been great.

I also do hope that season 2 will add... more diversity on its LGBT representation. We have two Gay Boys on the show that is a tie-in to a movie around two other Gay Boys. Give me a bisexual, a pansexual, a lesbian, a trans character - just something else than the gay guy that’s been domineering the franchise so far. I think a TV show has the opportunity and time to focus on that in side-plots and not be suffocatingly straight outside of the gay main couple.

So, that’s where I hope they take season 2. His parents coming around on it, him and Mia mending things somehow, more on the sibling dynamic and hopefully some queer friends for Victor to up the rep and variety of queer storylines a bit more.

#Love Victor #Love Victor Spoilers #Love Victor Review #Anonymous

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years

Text

A Letter for Parents from a Parent

Dear Parent,

If you are reading this you are most likely trying to be a good parent in an extremely confusing situation and are probably getting lots of conflicting information. You are doing the right thing and can get through this.

I am not an “expert.” I am a father of five and a private music and martial arts teacher who deals with many kids. I grew up in a family with several bisexual individuals and I’ve dealt with these issues directly and indirectly all of my life.

Take a deep breath. Read slowly. You may need to read a little bit at a time and walk away to think. You may be reading this because you suspect, or have discovered, that your child is bisexual, or because your child or someone else has told you so. (Do not assume anything about your loved one based on someone else.) If your child has spoken to you, be understanding and provide a safe, accepting atmosphere. If your child has not, create an atmosphere in which he or she can do so when ready.

By bisexuality, I simply mean the physical and/or emotional attraction to both males and females. Most people who identify as bisexual consider it an independent sexual orientation, not a subset of other more widely-recognized categories. Don’t think of bisexuality as a little bit gay (homosexual) and a little bit straight (heterosexual) but as its own orientation with its own characteristics. People often ask why anyone would choose to be gay or bi (shorthand for bisexual). Most people do not feel that their sexual orientation is a choice; you probably don’t. Our best course of action is to respect the identity of our family and friends, assuming nothing.

I have no clue how many people experience bisexuality or identify as bisexuals. From what I’ve read experts don’t know either; estimates range from only a few to a whole lot of people. The fact is that scientists define bisexuality in many ways. Until they can agree on a definition, these studies are just good ways to spend grant money.

Some bi people are out and open about their sexuality, but many are in the closet (hiding their sexuality), mainly for fear of familial, spiritual and social rejection. Imagine how hard that must be. A bi person—especially a young one—often feels alone, but as a parent, you can help your child find safe ways to discover that he or she is not.

Some bi folks have an almost balanced attraction to the genders, while others prefer one gender and are only occasionally attracted to the other, or have a shifting preference. Some people shift their sexual identity and may have long periods where they identify as straight, bi, or gay. Other people drop labels altogether.

What you have done as a parent has not made your child bisexual, but what you do as a parent can contribute to how comfortable and healthy your child is. There isn’t a cure since it isn’t a disorder, but some people will assure you that it can be cured or is just a phase. That phase thing is confusing, because some people have felt some bisexual tendencies and then gone on to assume a completely homo- or heterosexual identity. This doesn’t mean that everyone who experiences bisexual feelings will. It only means some people experience bisexual feelings that they may or may never act on and identify as gay or straight. Other people live a perfectly happy life identifying as bisexual with feelings that they may or may never act on. Many bisexual men and women have happy monogamous relationships, while some bi people prefer more alternative relationship styles. There are no rules in this area, so I can’t tell you what to expect.

You may have some phases of your own. People finding out that their child is bisexual have been known to experience anger, disbelief, denial, grief – and pretty much every other unpleasant emotion – and some pleasant ones. I can’t tell you what you are feeling, will feel, or should feel. If at any time you or your child are uncomfortable with what you feel, talk to a friend or a professional. There are also support groups.

It may help a lot to talk to your child, who will know more about their feelings than all of the websites, books, and experts out there. You could even help each other through your mutual concerns. If you don’t know how your child feels, tell them so and ask. You may want to consider sharing with your child any bisexual feelings or experiences that you may have had.

As far as letting others—even another parent—know, your child should decide who will know and when, even if it puts you in an awkward situation. Ultimately each person must decide how out he or she wants to be and as loved ones we should respect that. Some people are out in a very “we’re here, we’re queer” way (queer has been adopted by many people with non-mainstream sexual or gender identities) and wear the t-shirt, while others are less expressive.

Sexuality differences also make for social safety issues. Like it or not, kids experiment, so you might consider ensuring that your child has a safe place to bring a date even if you have to stretch your own comfort level. Nobody wants a late night call from an angry parent who just found your child making out with theirs. Trust me: It is far worse when the children are the same sex and this was the first inkling that the other parent had. When straight kids are caught making out in the back seat of a car or in an empty gym, cops, teachers and security guards handle it with one approach; but when those kids are of the same sex, hurtful things are often said or done—sometimes even dangerous things. An ounce of prevention can save a lot of embarrassment and harm.

The scariest thing for me is the suicide rate among gay and bisexual young people. I watched one of my children die at birth and I will do anything to never see that happen again. If that means that I have to get over any of my own issues I will, and I have. Suicide is preventable. Be there for your kid even if you are confused. Don’t be silent because you are afraid that you might say the wrong thing. Bisexuals, especially young bisexual men from the age of fifteen to twenty-five years of age, take their own lives at an alarming rate. Don’t let it happen in your family.

As you look around, you may notice that bisexuality is not very visible in our culture. Given how many experience bisexuality or bisexual feelings at some time, you would expect more. But as a culture, we tend to think in terms of a hetero- and homosexual duality; bisexuality just doesn’t come up and isn’t considered in legal, educational, social and health areas. Some groups have also had specific political agendas to exclude bisexuals and have made an effort to institutionalize biphobia (fear of bisexuals) within our culture. This context has a lot to do with a person’s choice to be out about their bisexuality or to stay in the closet, which makes it rude and even harmful to “out” someone (inappropriately inform others about someone else’s sexual identity).

Another common misconception about bisexuals or any LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender) individuals is the issue of promiscuity. Just because your child has a non-straight sexuality or gender identity does not make him or her any more promiscuous than straight kids. And yes, your son or daughter may know his or her sexual orientation and still be a virgin. Your child’s sexual orientation doesn’t matter: You need to talk to him or her about safer sex. If you haven’t, you should be researching that and talking to your child.

You may also be wondering about gender roles and gender identity. Simply put, “Is my son going to start acting like a girl?” “Is my daughter going to start acting like a boy? What should I do?” Do nothing yet, because you may be confused. Gender identity is how a person identifies their own gender and leads to what gender role they fill through behavior. Most bi people maintain their birth gender identity and the accompanying social gender role. People who are shifting their gender identity away from their birth gender and behaving according to the social roles of the non-birth gender are transgender; this is not linked to homo- or bisexuality. A transperson may be bi, gay or straight. But as a good parent, you may want to explain this detail to your child, because he or she might think there is a certain way they’re supposed to act, such as queeny (stereotypical Hollywood character idea of effeminate gay), butch (stereotypical masculine dyke image) or even androgynous (displaying gender role elements from both masculine and feminine social images—the classic rock star stereotype). Your child is allowed to be as feminine or masculine as he or she feels. And those feelings may change with time.

Bisexuality as an identity was identified by name in the 1800s, though we know that it has been around since Sappho and Alexander the Great. In the last few decades it has strengthened socially. There was an unfortunate time when there was tension between bisexuals and the gay and lesbian community. You will run across remnants, but those wounds continue to heal. In recent years, there has been a lot of growth toward community. There are now organizations, such as PFLAG, to help bisexuals and their families.

By reading this you are doing what every parent of every GLBT child should be doing: learning and trying. As long as you are willing to keep learning and trying, you will ultimately get it right. You will make mistakes, but you can fix them. Love your child, not your bisexual child. Love your child who is a person who feels and loves and hates and hurts and dreams and wonders, and who happens to be bisexual.

Sincerely,

Robert L. Barton

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heeres-suffering · 4 years

Text

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?”

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life...

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long.

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t.

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with.

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat.

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad.

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake.

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature)

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concussions-and-clues · 4 years

Note

Do you have any LGBT headcanons for the Nancy Drew series?

Yikes, so I have been sitting on this ask for a while and I need to apologize to you @nintendofan4ever . My gut reaction when I read your ask was that I generally don’t think of anyone’s gender or sexuality… but I realized this was very dismissive and it is a topic that is very important given that there is so little representation of LGBTQA+ people and relationships in all forms of media. I identify as asexual and that is kind of my excuse, it just isn’t something I am thinking about very much :-S However, I sat down and thought about the character’s so here is my list of views… beware, I am quite biased.

George Fanye: As many people think I view her as a lesbian. Right since I read the Clue in the Diary when it described how she acted and noted that she was “too blunt and boyish to captivate young men” I could not think of her as anything but. Sometimes reading some of the new books I am still jarred when I read about her crushing hard on a guy or having a boyfriend.

Joe Hardy: Another one that seems fairly popular is that I see Joe Hardy as bisexual. I wonder if part of this was born out of an internal reaction when I read the Undercover Brother series and Joe was a Class-A skirt chaser and creep. I built up this imagined view of him being overly lecherous towards women because he was in denial about also being attracted to men but then he learned to relax and is more okay with himself and others now that he is out of the closet.

Bess Marvin: One of the capstone arguments in the Nancy Drew chapter in “The Lesbian Menace: Ideology, Identity, and the Representation of Lesbian Life” by Sherrie A. Inness (a really interesting read) is that Bess and George are not in fact cousins but pretending to be cousins while actually being a lesbian couple, with George being a butch lesbian and Bess being a femme lesbian. Despite this assertation and myriad proof of George’s queerness they never really touch on Bess’ sexuality other than mentioning that she is the opposite of George. Because of this and all interpretations of her that I have seen I have never been able to think of her as anything except heterosexual (except the CW version of Nancy Drew where she is clearly a lesbian). Throughout most of the books and other media she is treated fairly unkindly by people and because of this I feel that she would be a staunch ally, trying to make sure other people aren’t treated as poorly.

Ned Nickerson: Like Bess I view him as straight but an ally. I wish I could say more but he seems to be in so few books and other media and when he does appear, he tends to have a varied personality depending on what the story needs.

Deirdre Shannon: I see her as bisexual. She seems interested in Ned and even Frank and Joe in various books; however, I also like the idea of her getting together with George. They definitely have that teen drama rivalry dynamic going on, similar to the main characters in ’10 Things I Hate About You,’ so I can see why people ship them.

Nancy Drew: For me Nancy is a difficult one. In the 1980s and 1990s series I would say she is very clearly heterosexual, however, for the majority of the series I have read I would say she is an aromantic asexual. Hormones very rarely affect her drive and while she seems to love a lot of people it doesn’t seem to be romantic love. Again, I will admit I am biased being asexual; I might be trying to bend characters I like and identify with into fitting how I feel about things.

Frank Hardy: So I’ve said quite a bit that I really identify with Frank so unsurprisingly I feel he fits the closest to what I am: I view him as a sapioromantic asexual (except in the Undercover Brother Series where he definitely is straight). Almost all of his girlfriends and crushes are very smart, but he also doesn’t tend to get as distracted by sexual desire like his brother. He is almost always the one rolling his eyes that Joe has another crush which is a mentality that I used to have before I realized I was ace because I legitimately didn’t get it.

This list is by no means definitive, it is just how I feel about the characters... How about you? Do you have any LGBTQA+ headcanons for Nancy Drew? I legitimately am interested in how other people feel because, as I’ve stated before, I am clearly biased.

#my dumb opinions #Nancy Drew #Bess Marvin #George Fanye #Joe Hardy #Frank Hardy #Ned Nickerson #Deirdre Shannon #my headcanons

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years

Text

Pride: Alternate Take (Tommy x Nikki)

Title: Pride: Alternate Take

Summary: Requested by @sharon6713. Picks up where Tommy’s leaving the house.

Warnings: Homophobia, depression, suicide attempt, language, but it does get sweet I promise.

Tommy took a deep breath and made his way out the door. The street was quiet. Their neighborhood was a lot better than the one that they started out in next to the Whiskey. There weren’t wild parties going on between the hours of 10 pm and 3 am every day. Things were so calm and peaceful. And sometimes Tommy ached for the old days.

He secured his bag onto his bike and took a deep breath. He knew his parents wouldn’t miss him. Nikki would at first, but he’d move on eventually. Vince and Mick would have a moment of silence before they went to find a new drummer. That was one thing Tommy always thought about himself. He was replaceable, no matter how much people said he wasn’t. They could find another drummer quickly. Nikki could move on and have a new family.

To Tommy, he was just a placeholder for the real thing.

He got on his bike and took off down the street, heading towards the High Desert Motel.

Two minutes after Tommy had left, Nikki pulled into the driveway. He had had a feeling in his gut that he was needed at home. But traffic and stop lights had delayed him. He made his way inside.

“Tommy?” Nikki called out as he made his way inside. The house was silent. That made Nikki feel sick to his stomach. Of course, Tommy might be at therapy, but something in the back of his mind told him that was not the case. He checked the music room, bathroom, kitchen (that one hurt a little to do) and every place else he could think of before he headed to their bedroom. He looked around. Nothing seemed off at first.

Until he looked at his nightstand where he kept his gun and saw the drawer was open. Rushing over to it, he dug around. The extra ammo was there (Nikki had never really learned proper gun etiquette), but no pistol. Nikki looked around the room, eyes wide, when it landed on a piece of paper on his pillow. Shakily, Nikki reached out and picked it up.

Nikki,

Let me start off by saying that I love you, and this isn’t your fault. I’ve tried for so long to make myself be the person everyone wants me to be, and I can’t do it anymore. By the time you read this, I’ll probably be gone. I checked into the Desert High Motel and I used your old name. I’m not sure which room I got. I took your gun with me, I hope you don’t mind. There’s plenty of better musicians out there who could take over the drums so Motley Crue doesn’t have to stop partying. I heard Randy Castillo is pretty good…

Anyway, I’ve got to go. I love you Nikki. I’m sorry that you wasted so much time on me.

T-Bone

“No!” Nikki tossed down the paper and ran back into the living area. He wasn’t sure where the Desert High Motel was, honestly. He grabbed the phonebook and scanned through it. Someday, he was going to break down and get internet installed in the house. Might make things quicker. But right now, he didn’t have time for that.

“Joshua Tree. That’s two hours from here!” Nikki’s hands were still shaking as he tossed the book down and headed back out to his Porsche. He was debating on calling the cops, but what if that just spooked Tommy even more. He could call Vince and have him head out there. He loved racing his car and probably knew all the shortcuts. But Nikki didn’t. Instead, he got on the I-10 and pointed his car towards Joshua Tree.

****

Vince might have been a racer, but Tommy was good at using his bike. What would’ve been a two hour trip, he cut down quite a bit by backroads and going ten or twenty over the speed limit. He didn’t care if he ended up wrapped around a pole in a non stripper way. He pulled up at the office, cash in hand, ready to pay for his room.

“Name?” The old lady at the desk asked.

“Uh F-Frank Feranna,” Tommy told her. She nodded and got the keys for him, took his cash, and pointed him in the right direction.

“You look familiar,” She told him before he left. “Are you someone famous?”

“For all the wrong reasons,” Was all he told her before he got back on his bike and drove down towards his room. He carried his bag in and tossed it on a chair. He closed his eyes for a second before looking around the room. It wasn’t as extravagant as the hotels they had stayed in before were. But it was going to do the trick. He went back to the bag and pulled out the gun, setting it on the bed while he paced and just stared at it.

“Do I want to do this?” Tommy asked. “Do I really want to leave Nikki all alone?”

‘Maybe he’ll get back with Brandi. Or that Donna chick the papers thought he was seeing back when the two of you got together,’ The voice taunted him. ‘I bet he likes her company better anyway.’

“Fuck!” Tommy cried out as he pulled at his hair. Why couldn’t he be stronger than this? Nikki had overcome addiction, which was a lot harder, in Tommy’s opinion. So why couldn’t he deal with his demons? Why did he still let his dad’s words cut him so deep? Why couldn’t he just force himself to be happy for once?

But, worst of all, why was he so willing to let Nikki, Vince, and Mick be unhappy with him? Why was he so willing to let them watch him like this? Why couldn’t he just let go so they could move on?

That’s when Tommy reached for the gun.

****

“Come on, come on,” Nikki was so close to Joshua Tree. He was sure that he had broken every driving rule California had to offer, but he really couldn’t care. His heart had steadily been beating faster since he left the house, and the minute things started to thin out and become more desert like, Nikki was sure you could see his heart beating out of his chest like those old Looney Tunes cartoons.

Joshua Tree was right there in front of him. And it didn’t take too long to find the motel. He pulled in, ready to go to the office to ask which room Frank Feranna, of all names he had to pick that one, was in. But that’s when he spied an all too familiar bike, parked in front of a room on the end. Nikki parked by it and took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he might find there. He finally got himself out of his car and walked towards the room he hoped was Tommy’s. His legs felt heavy as he approached the door.

Taking another deep breath, he raised his hand and knocked.

****

Tommy was staring at the gun in his hand. He had heard of people killing themselves with guns, but he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to position it. He was about to lift it to his head when there was a knock at the door. Tommy almost ignored it, thinking it was just the wrong person, because no one would be looking for him. But they knocked again. With a sigh, Tommy laid the gun down and went to the door.

As it opened, the last person he expected to see was Nikki standing there. But he was.

“N-Nikki,” Tommy’s eyes were wide.

“You’re surprised to see me,” Nikki pushed his way into the room. “Didn’t think I’d find your note until after you’d already been dead a few hours, didn’t you?”

“Nikki…” Was all Tommy could say. Nikki’s eyes fell on the gun laying on the bed before he turned to look at the drummer.

“What the hell are you thinking Tommy?” Nikki asked. “Is this because some asshole with a camera thought he could show off our lives? You want to take your own life because of that?”

“That’s not…” Tommy shook his head. “It’s not the only thing…”

“Then what is it huh? Do you hate me that much that you’d rather kill yourself than be with me? Are you that ashamed of us?”

“No!” Tommy yelled. Nikki had not expected that reaction. “I’m not ashamed of you or us. It’s me okay!”

“What are you talking about?” Nikki asked. “Tommy…”

“My dad has installed this idea in my head that I should be ashamed of who I am, okay?” Tommy sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. It took Nikki a second before he put things together.

“That wasn’t your therapist on the phone, was it?” He asked. Tommy shook his head. “It was your dad?”

“Y-yeah…” Tommy whispered. “I didn’t think he’d call me. I’ve moved around so much since the last time I talked to him.”

“What did he say to you?” Nikki asked, moving to sit by Tommy.

“R-remember how I told you guys that my dad kicked me out because I wanted to quit school to join a band?” Tommy asked. Nikki nodded. “Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate.”

“What did he do to you?” Nikki asked, remembering the revolving door of step dads and boyfriends who liked to smack him around while his mother watched.

“I...when I was just a teenager, I kissed a boy from school,” Tommy told him. “I didn’t think anything of it. I thought he was cute, he thought I was cute, he just wanted to try it out. I had known for a little while that I liked boys. But, what I didn’t realize was my dad...he had seen us. He didn’t say anything until...until I told him and my mom that I wanted to quit school to spend more time working on the band with you, Vince, and Mick…”

“Tommy…” Nikki whispered, reaching out to cup his face and brush some tears away.

“His exact words to me were “is it because you’re a faggot?”.” Tommy told Nikki. “I was really confused until he told me he had seen me that night. I...we got into a fight and that’s when I showed up on your doorstep with a couple bags.”

“You could’ve told me baby,” Nikki told him, keeping contact because it seemed to calm Tommy some. “Back then though, I probably would’ve killed your dad. No one fucked with my favorite drummer.” He smirked a little.

“I just...I didn’t want you guys disgusted with me.” Tommy told him. Nikki frowned. “I heard the things that were said on the strip about guys like me. It was bad enough wearing the makeup and getting called names. Could you imagine what it would be like if people found out? Being gay, or bisexual, or whatever the fuck I am, it wasn’t exactly a cool and trendy thing. It was mainly stripped down to stereotypical, feminine men and butch women, waving rainbows and living in San Francisco. That’s not me...”

Nikki pulled Tommy to him. Tommy’s head rested in the curve of his neck and he just let himself melt into Nikki’s side. Nikki held him close. He had been so scared that he was going to walk into the room and find that he had really lost Tommy this time.

“Baby, you know I love you. I always love you. No matter what you do. You could braid your hair into cornrows and sing rap and I’d still love you.” Nikki rubbed his back.

“Then why can’t my parents?” Tommy asked softly into his neck. “Why can’t my dad love me for who I am?”

“I wish I had an answer for you sweetie,” Nikki held him close. “But I don’t exactly have a good relationship with either of my parents. And I know that you were really close to yours growing up. I wish I could tell you everything will be okay, that they’ll see their mistakes and realize that you’re happy, but I can tell you that I love you, and I’m here for you no matter what happens.”

“You deserve a better fiancé than me,” Tommy whispered. “You’re too good for me.”

“We both have been dealt shitty hands in life. I think this is the universe's way of saying sorry. It brought us together.” Nikki tilted Tommy’s head up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. When they pulled apart, Nikki offered Tommy a comforting smile. “Do you want to go home?”

“Yeah,” Tommy nodded, not really wanting to move away from Nikki but he had rode his bike here, and he didn’t really want to leave it.

“We’ll go home and have that date I talked about earlier,” Nikki told him. “Just you and me. No one else.”

“That sounds perfect,” Tommy nodded. “I have a lot of making up to do.”

“No,” Nikki took his hand and pulled Tommy to his feet. “I’m here to catch you when you fall. Don’t ever forget that.” He kissed Tommy again before they got Tommy’s stuff and left the motel room behind.

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#Motley Crue #Tommy Lee #nikki sixx #terror twins #tommy lee x nikki sixx #nikki sixx x tommy lee #fanfiction

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