#she was a rescue and is made of every kind of dog ever
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Hopes And Fears - Part Two. (Wally Clark x Reader.)
Summary: Y/N’s death is traumatic. So traumatic in fact, she can’t even look at Wally without reliving what happened to her.
Word Count: 3.1k
Gif Not Mine. Requests Are Open!
Warnings: Death
Part One.
A/N: It’s finally here!! I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that has it has taken me over a year to get part two out. I’m sure most of you are probably over waiting for it anyway but if you do fancy giving it a read, I really appreciate it and hope it was worth the excessively long wait. I’ve tagged everybody that asked for a part two!! Once again, I am so deeply sorry! Please forgive me!!
“I would like to begin by thanking everybody that is here today and for those who have reached out to our family in this incredibly difficult time. Your thoughts and prayers have been so comforting and a reminder of the impact that our beautiful daughter had on so many people.
How would I even begin to describe Y/N? She was truly the most special girl and I am so thankful that I was able to bring her into this world, even if she did have to leave it early. The years I got to spend with her, were the best of my life and nothing will ever compare to the bond that her and I shared. She was so kind, so generous and so loving. Never declining the opportunity to spend time with her family, even if it may have been the embarrassing thing to do. I know what it’s like to be a teenager and for her to put us first consistently was just one of her many great qualities.
Y/N was an honour roll student, a successful gymnast and dancer, as well as being captain of the Split River Cheerleaders. As a child, she had so much energy, to the point where we didn’t know what to do with her. After enrolling her in dance classes for the first time, she fell in love with the sport, gymnastics and cheerleading followed and I remember being so nervous that she would injure herself. However, when she stared up at me with those gleaming eyes, I couldn’t bring it in myself to say no. These were just a few of her passions and it was evident that this was where she felt at home anytime we watched her at competitions or rehearsals. No longer the shy little girl that used to hide behind my legs before her first day of school.
Our daughter was also a keen activist and did a lot of charity work, though most of you probably wouldn’t know that. She volunteered at the animal shelter on our block every weekend, which led to her rescuing countless animals over the years. Leaving us with not only a dog but three cats, a ferret, five rabbits, countless chickens and four rats. She also ran at least one marathon a year in order to raise money for numerous charities, and often donated supplies and food to women’s shelters around the state.
Our daughter was the most selfless person I know, always putting other before herself. She taught us a lot and made us better people. For which I’ll be eternally grateful.
We wish we could’ve stopped this, and that we could’ve had more time with her. We wish we could’ve watched her grow and sent her off to college. We wish we could’ve moved her into her first apartment and seen her get married, maybe even had grandchildren.
The pain we are experiencing right now is unlike any other. To lose a child is the most gut wrenching thing, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I would give anything to hold her in my arms one last time. To be able to tell her I love her one last time.
So please, if anybody has any information as to who did this to our precious girl, all I ask is that you share this with the police department. Please help us find the person responsible and allow us some closure and for Y/N to get justice. She didn’t deserve this. Thank you.”
My mother cries as she steps away from the podium, collapsing into the arms of my father. Tears silently roll down my face as I take in the scene, the heartbreak across their faces as they hold each other. Unable to contain the grief they’re feeling.
As the principal speaks, I watch the crowd. My friends trying their best to hide their sadness, teachers hold their heads down, struggling to understand how this could’ve happened, even some students I only knew in passing look as though they could burst into tears at any moment.
It’s a difficult thing to watch, your own memorial. I suppose I never thought about how other would react to my death before, it never crosses your mind as you assume you won’t be able to witness it. God, what I would give to be that naive again.
“Hi Split River, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Abby. Y/N was, well is my best friend. We met when we were in kindergarten and from that day forward we’ve been inseparable.
Y/N was a very shy person, I’m sure most of you would describe her as an introvert. Fortunately, I was one of the few people she let into her life, breaking down the invisible barriers she built around herself and it was the greatest pleasure of my life.
We were total opposites and enjoyed different things but that didn’t matter. For example, Y/N hated theatre, she called it glorified pantomime, but she still attended every show I was in, she still helped me practice my lines and she still encouraged me to do what I loved even if she couldn’t stand it.
We had so many things we wanted to do together, we were going to share a dorm together at Parsons, she would major in fashion design and I would do photography. We’d take over the world as a duo, running our own magazine that I could star in, of course. All those dreams of ours have been ripped to shreds now and I don’t know what to do without her. My life was intertwined with her’s and there was never a future that she wasn’t apart of. I’m completely lost without her.
I hope whoever did this rots in hell. You deserve nothing but suffering for taking such a pure soul out of this world.”
Abby’s words leave a small smile on my face despite the tears that continue to fall. In all honesty, I’m surprised her entire speech wasn’t a rage fuelled rant directed at the perpetrator.
Despite my eyes being fixed on the service taking place in the gym below, I still feel the bench dip slightly. Alerting me of someone’s presence. My eyes reluctantly drag themselves away and I realise it’s the footballer, he sits towards the other end of the bench, keeping his distance. I’m quick to notice the lack of football jersey, wearing nothing but a white tank top that defines his arms nicely and his blue school assigned gym shorts.
His hands are clutching a bouquet of flowers, an array of sunflowers, dusty orange irises, blood red snapdragons and soft peach chrysanthemums. They’re arranged beautifully, held together by a small piece of string.
“They were beautiful speeches.” He comments, soft smile gracing his features.
I nod, offering a small smile in return. The lack of football attire puts me at ease and I’m appreciative of the distance between us. Guilt consumes me slightly at my judgement towards him, but I can’t control it. After what happened, I don’t want to put myself in that situation again. I’m not taking any chances.
“This is the hard part. My mom couldn’t even finish her eulogy she was crying that much.” He tells me, eyes fixed on the girls from my cheerleading squad who are now doing their own speech. “It’s good to know you have so many people who care about you though.”
He doesn’t look over at me once he’s finished speaking and I take my time to look at him properly. Soft brown eyes compliment his dark, almost black hair. Full lips and a youthful glow, it dawns on me that he’s been stuck in this state for decades, never aging, never changing.
“I feel bad.” I state, voice barely louder than a whisper as I allow myself to make eye contact with him when he turns to face me. “They shouldn’t have to go through this.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault.” He goes to move towards me before stopping himself, though never taking his eyes off mine. “You can’t blame yourself, trust me I spent years doing that and no good comes of it. You’ll just end up tormenting yourself.”
Nodding as I take in his words, I let out a long sigh. Gazing down at my parents once again, I can’t help but feel the tears welling up in my eyes once again and I’m quick to wipe them away. Not wanting Wally to see me cry. They’re still clinging on to each other, though they’ve moved to sit down now, neither of them look as though they’re paying much attention to those speaking. Focused solely on comforting one another.
It’s in that moment that I notice who the next speaker is and my entire body tenses. Why is Spencer getting up to speak? He’s dressed to the nines in a black suit, hands gripping a piece of paper that has evidently been crumpled up. If my heart still worked I’m almost positive it would’ve stopped beating right this second.
Is this some sort of sick joke? Parading around in front of my grieving loved ones, knowing full well that he’s potentially evaded justice. I feel sick to my stomach and can’t bare to watch. What could he even have to say?
“Walk with me.”
Before Wally can even figure out what is happening, I’m practically sprinting out of the gym. Hurrying down the hallway in an effort to get as far away from Spencer as physically possible. It’s completely irrational, I know he can’t see me. He can’t hurt me again. Yet, I can’t even bring myself to stay in the same room as him.
“How did you die?” I ask Wally once he has caught up to me, walking beside me while making sure to keep a few feet between us. I’m in need of a distraction and as long as he’s talking, I can keep my mind off the situation that just unfolded before me.
“Oh, I um was tackled during the homecoming game of my senior year in ‘83. Snapped my neck and died on the pitch.” He tells me, one hand scratching the back of his neck as he does so, eyes unable to meet mine. “I’d already been benched but my mom pushed me to get back in the game and I just wanted to make her proud.”
Stopping in my tracks, I turn to face him properly. His face is full of guilt, and perhaps a little bit of shame. Afraid that he didn’t do his best, that he didn’t make his mom proud.
“She still comes to every game. I mean they named the stadium after me so it’s nice that I get to see her once a year. I’m lucky in that sense.”
He’s rambling, trying to fill the silence with anything he can. It’s something I often found myself down when I was still alive. Wanting to aid the embarrassment and nervousness I often felt.
“Wally. Your mom will always be proud of you. A mom’s pride for her child is unconditional.” I speak confidently, allowing him to feel reassured, something I can sense he needs right now.
“You’re right. I just wish things ended differently, like if I’d won the game, all those years of training wouldn’t have gone to waste you know?”
The sadness in his voice is prevalent and I can tell he struggles with it even after all these years. He’s still not making eye contact with me and I feel that pang of guilt once again, for assuming he would be like all the other stupid footballers I know. He has a good heart, I see that now.
“You heard my mom’s speech right? If we’re gonna play that game then all those years of dance training were for nothing.” I joke, hoping it’ll ease his sullen mood slightly. “I danced because it was fun, besides, if all of those years were for nothing, would I still be able to do this?”
For the first time since we left the gym, Wally actually looks at me. Raising my arms, I judge the distance behind me before throwing myself into a back handspring. The boy laughs quietly, causing me to smile as he brings his hands together in a round of applause, muffled slightly due to the flowers he’s still holding. Bowing obnoxiously, I can’t help but allow myself to enjoy the moment. It’s the first bit of happiness I’ve felt this entire time and I intend to savour it.
“Wow. Yeah, you would not catch me doing that.” He comments, matching my pace as we continue to walk again. “Thank you, by the way.”
My eyebrows furrow in confusion, not entirely sure where his thanks are coming from. Staying silent as we sit opposite one another in the communal gardens towards the back of the school. It’s quiet, not many students know it’s here, and the ones that do have no interest in being back here. They’d much rather be on the quad where they actually get phone service.
“For cheering me up, I mean. The others can sometimes get a bit annoyed when I bring up what happened. They think I should’ve got over it by now with it being almost forty odd years ago.” He states, the sunlight reflecting on him at just the right angle, it makes him look angelic. Beautiful really.
“Can anybody get over their death?”
“Rhonda seems to think so, but I reckon she just doesn’t like talking about what happened to her.” He replies, a fondness in his eyes as he talks about her, almost as if he’s remembering a past conversation.
Leaning back to take in the sun, I close my eyes, absorbing the light that hits my face. Being dead is strange to say the least, I thought I wouldn’t feel anything. No emotions, no sensations, nothing. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Since death, I’ve mostly felt sadness and anger, but spending this short amount of time with Wally has made me aware of the happiness i’m able to feel as well. Not to mention the warmth of the sun on my skin, I can pretend I’m alive. Even if it is just for a second.
“These are for you by the way.” Wally’s voice bring me back to reality and I realise he’s holding the bouquet of flowers out to me. He’s sat a good distance away and so I have to lean forward to take them from his grasp. Fingers brushing as I do so and I’m quick to pull away, despite the warmth that rushed through my hand upon the momentary interaction. “I was going to give them to you earlier, but then it didn’t seem right because we were watching the eulogies and all. I didn’t wanna make it weird or awkward for you or anything. I also didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked so I just picked a bunch from the flower gardens, Charlie helped me arrange them, I hope they’re okay because my first attempt wasn’t the best. Apparently the colours didn’t match or something-“
“Wally they’re gorgeous.” I interrupt, unable to hide the grin that is beginning to spread across my face as I bring them to my nose to inhale the scent. “Snapdragons are my favourite.”
“Oh thank god. I was really worried you would hate them, or that maybe you weren’t a flower person.” He blurts out, following a quick sigh of relief. “Not that it’s a big deal or anything. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I mean no harm, and sort of welcome you the afterlife I guess.”
I must admit the nervous rambling is cute, I can feel the redness flushing my cheeks as I hide myself behind the flowers. Taking my time to admire the bouquet as much as I can. It’s a beautiful gesture, and I’m in disbelief that he spent the time to do this for me. A peace offering despite him doing nothing wrong.
“You’re sweet Wally.” I admit, delicately stroking the petals on a couple of the flowers. “I’m really sorry about before. You just remind me of someone.”
“A footballer ex perhaps?” He questions, unable to get Rhonda’s previous comment out of his head. Whether it be down to jealousy or curiosity he’s unsure.
“No, no ex.” I shake my head adamantly, eyes glued to the flowers as I try to come up with the words to describe why I acted the way I did. It’s still too soon for me to talk about, I know that. However, I also know that Wally does deserve some sort of explanation. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it just yet, but if I have another moment like before I promise it’s not your fault.”
Wally nods, understanding and accepting my boundaries. We stay sat in silence for a moment longer, he doesn’t push me to talk, nor does he change the subject. Instead, we just embrace the peace we’ve created in the garden. It’s the most relaxed I’ve felt for a while and I’m able to sit with my own thoughts without sending myself into a spiral or a panic. It’s nice.
The minutes pass as we listen to the gentle sounds of birds chirping and the occasional rustle of the trees in the wind. It feels as though we’re stuck in time, but I feel content. I wouldn’t mind being stuck right here, right now. At least, if it wasn’t for Charlie.
“Y/N, your memorial’s ending, just thought you’d want to see your parents again before they leave!”
Wally and I both look towards the boy who stands awkwardly in the doorway. He sounds out of breath and I imagine he’s been sprinting around the school in search of me.
My hands grip the flowers tighter, veins popping and knuckles flexed as I squeeze tightly. Wally’s the first to stand and when I finally look up at him, he offers me an encouraging nod. A reminder that I am strong enough to do this. To say my goodbyes.
While I walk besides the tall jock, with Charlie taking lead in front, I do feel strong. Wally’s supportive and comforting nature radiates through the hallway and I feel confident. Although, I know this is the last time I could potentially see my parents, there’s no sadness, just a readiness to take on this new stage of my life and it fills me with a sense of acceptance. Accepting death was difficult but finally, I feel ready to take on whatever comes next.
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#wally clark angst#wally clark fluff#wally clark fic#wally clark imagines#wally clark#wally clark x reader#school spirits imagines#school spirits fic#school spirits
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Wait you have a dog?!?!!? Any chance of pictures?
BEHOLD. THE SNOOTLE.
#she's everything to me ;v;#my bestest buddy#she was a rescue and is made of every kind of dog ever#GET A LOAD OF THAT DOG#sorry the quality is so bad#im. not good at#camera
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*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ safety net; t.f.
synopsis: when toji decided to be a good man and rescue two puppies for his son...
content: canon divergence (I want a happy story for the fushiguro's!), fem!reader, reader is mamaguro, in this world your last name is fushiguro and toji took it bc f*ck the zenin, megumi is ur son (he's just a baby!), domestic bliss, not beta read (sorry for any errors!)
note: seeing how successful my gojo anthology series is going (only two parts but going strong), I wanted to do one for toji bc I've always wanted to write his story with mamaguro (aka you!) and do a bunch of one shots that can be read as stand alones or together! pls lmk if you want more and if u wanna be tagged in the future <3 p.s. the divine dogs are actual dogs that inspired megumi's later manifestation of his shikigami in this au
It was one of those late nights for Toji. A summer evening with a heavy downpour to blur his path before him. The windshields were moving as fast as they could, swiftly clearing his vision with every wipe across the glass. He was quite used to this, running around town in the wee hours of the night, nothing new to him. It just annoyed him how difficult it could be driving in the rain when his windows fogged up and the headlights could only do so much.
He wasn't too far from home, running a quick errand before returning to his abode, wanting nothing more than the warmth of his bed.
A bed... A home...
Toji couldn't help but sigh and lean his head back against the car's headrest. Had this all been a dream? Was it real? Him, Zenin Toji, living a normal life? It had been quite some time now where he left it all behind to be domesticated—as if he were a wild animal. He didn't mind, though, a part of him was begging for a simple kind of life.
Sat at a red light as his pointer finger tapped away against the leather steering wheel, his eyes wandered the environment around him—well, as much as he could see during an evening shower. From building to building, the empty sidewalks and dim storefronts, his eyes suddenly bounced back to a bus stop. Squinting, he leaned in before turning on his blinkers.
This was very unlike him, his curiosity getting the best of him... Maybe it was because he was a changed man. Maybe it was because he had someone to go home to. Someone who made his deflated heart triple in size; someond who made him care about little things that he never did before.
Pulling over and parking his car next to the bus stop, Toji pulled up his hoodie and reached for the small umbrella that sat on the floor of the passenger seat. Rushing out and popping open the coverage, he stood before a small, cardboard box.
It was falling apart, the rain tearing at the flimsy material as the little towel beneath was completely drenched. Hearing the faint whimpers and cries of the tiny creatures that stared up at him, Toji took in a sharp breath and shook his head. He was a good man now. Better than he ever was before. He had a heart. He had a home. He had someone who loved him. These little bodies did not.
Lifting the box, he quickly maneuvered it underneath the umbrella before carefully placing it in the backseat of his car. "I hope she won't mind..." he said before making his way to the front, closing the umbrella and shutting the door after, resuming his route.
The drive home was quicker this time around, zooming to gather the bags and box he had within the car, shutting the doors and locking them behind him before he made his way towards the front door. Taking the steps and fumbling with his keys, he unlocked the door and slipped inside before kicking off his shoes and making his way towards the living room.
Settling the box down before moving towards the kitchen with the bag, he washed his hands and emptied the contents within it. Pulling out the small device, Toji made his way upstairs, ruffling his dark hair as he pressed a few buttons on the gadget. "Babe, this one should be fine," he spoke as he approached one of the two bedrooms.
"Oh, good," the voice responded as he entered the room. You were sitting on your son's rocking chair, holding him close to your chest as you caressed his little back. He was about six months old and the constant change in weather was getting to him, causing a slight cold to disrupt his immunity. It pained both of you to see your boy anything but happy and healthy... but, he was such a little trooper. Both of you weren't sure where he got his calmness from, seeing as you nor Toji were such a way, but you thanked the heavens for blessing you with a child like him.
"How's Megs doin'?" Toji asked as he handed you the new thermometer, squatting and gently caressing his son's head. His hand practically engulfed it, always entertaining him how tiny his boy was. It brought a small smile to his face. "Doesn't seem so fussy."
"A bit better, I got him to fall asleep. You weren't gone for too long, thankfully," you sweetly smiled, settling the small device down before caressing Toji's face. "Raining hard, huh?"
"Yeah," he nodded, only to widen his eyes.
"What is it?" You furrowed your eyebrows.
Scratching the back of his head, Toji stood up. "Got a surprise along the way... hope you don't mind."
"What do you mean?" You tilted your head.
"Let's go downstairs," he nudged his own, waving you to follow him.
Standing up carefully as to not wake your baby boy, you followed your man down the hall and staircase, towards your living room. You were confused at first, unsure as to what surprise he could've gotten you. But then you heard it. The faint cries and rustling coming from a box. The box in front of you. "Toji..."
"You've changed me, y'know?" He said. "I wouldn't have cared back then, would've left them suffer... but, guess it's because I'm a father now and I have you... I couldn't let them die out there..." rubbing the back of his neck as he stood by the box, you curiously peeked over before gasping. "Thought it would be nice to keep 'em... give Megs something to grow with."
"Toji... there's two," you nearly whispered, eyeing the puppies. One in pure white and one in all black, both equally precious. Tiny, scared, cold... you couldn't deny them either, even if you were currently raising your own baby.
"Yeah..." Toji sighed. "I was thinkin' about giving them a quick bath now and take them to the vet early tomorrow. Don't have much to feed them but we can make it work, right?" He said, keeping his eyes on them, a bit afraid of your reaction.
As upset as you should've been, seeing as it was two more mouths to feed, instead, you felt... elated? You weren't sure why, maybe it was because you were seeing more and more sides of Toji you didn't think would exist. Or maybe you loved the idea of giving your son two furry best friends to grow with. It could've also been that you were just happy that your son was okay and getting through his cold that you couldn't be as bothered.
It also didn't help that you may or may not have mentioned a few times (while taking your strolls during your pregnancy) that your little blessing should have some furry friends around. You just didn't think it would happen... this way.
"So?" Toji asked, looking at you with timid eyes. "Can we keep 'em?"
"Toji," you chuckled. "I'm not going to abandon these poor babies. You brought them here, you're gonna have to do a lot of raising. You're now a father of three," you teased as he nodded.
"I'm well aware."
"I'm surprised you're okay with this, let alone, brought them," you pointed out.
Shrugging, he looked back down. "Like I said, it's cause you changed me and I'm a father now. As scary as that is... I dunno... guess I want that normal life and normal people have dogs, right?" Seeing you nod with a small smile, Toji couldn't help but reflect your facial expression. "I wanna give him everything I've never had," he nudged his head in Megumi's direction.
"Such a good dad," you softly spoke, caressing your sons back before stepping closer and kissing Toji's arm. "Then I guess we have two puppies now. What should we name them?"
Eyeing the two, Toji hummed. "Kuro and Shiro."
#harunovella writes;#fushiguro toji#zenin toji#toji fushiguro#toji zenin#toji x reader#jjk toji#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x you#toji x y/n#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji fushiguro x you#fushiguro toji x y/n#fushiguro toji x you#reader insert#fem reader#toji x female reader#toji fluff#jjk x you#jjk au#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x y/n
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Miles Quaritch x OC
My Little Scientist- Chapter Four
Warnings: Smut themes, violence, swearing, minors DNI
And here's chapter four, this ones a little spicy....hope you all enjoy! And be sure to let me know any suggestions/scenarios you have for future fics featuring daddy Quaritch. Peace out 😘
Chapter 5
2,596 Words
She awoke with a gasp, smacking her head against a hard object, realising that she was alone in a pod, not nestled in the Colonel's arms. Instead, he was alone out there. it almost made her feel sick and she scrambled to push open the lid and jump out of the plastic coffin, leaning over the edge, she could feel herself begin to hyperventilate. It was as though she'd forgotten she hadn't always been an Avatar, that she even had a human form, how had she lost herself so quickly to the beauty of Pandora, and more pressingly, how would she ever be able to return to this world? A rush of footsteps and panicked voices could be heard down the corridor.
"Gaia!"
her arm was jerked roughly, forcing her to face the various scientists and army officials in front of her.
"What happened out there, is your avatar still alive?"
The same scientist from before was crouching down to look at her.
"Hasn't any of the squad returned?"
She whispered, tears forming in her eyes at the though of Lyle, Mansk, Z-dog being mercilessly ripped apart by the thanator, or maybe drowning like her avatar almost did.
"All of the recombinant soldiers have survived so far, they were evacuated not long after the attack. But the colonel is still unaccounted for as well as your avatar."
A sigh of relief slipped past her lips, glad for the safety of the squad she had only known for a few hours yet had become especially fond of.
"The Colonel is with me,"
she breathed before correcting herself.
"With my avatar I mean, we fell into a river, washed up on a sand bank at the edge of the forest..."
"Good, that's good, he will be able to protect your avatar, we'll send out a rescue team at first daylight, it's too risky in the forest at night."
A woman clad in army gear decided abruptly, leading the audience of people away from the cold, tiled room
"But, what if something happens?"
She all but whispered, capturing the attention of the man still kneeled down in front of her.
"I'm sure the Colonel will protect your avatar, besides we have plenty more avatars at our disposal if we need you for another mission."
He patted her leg, walking out of the room before calling behind him
"And get some sleep, we'll need you linked up for the retrieval mission."
But it wasn't her avatar's safety she feared for, all she could think of was Miles out there, alone in the Pandoran jungle.
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It was 4am when she was forced awake by rough hands, water and food forced down her throat before being pushed down into a pod like some kind of lab rat.
"We can see what you see through this screen, we'll use it to identify your location and get you both out of there."
Was the last thing she heard before she laid on her back, closing her eyes, excitement filling her core as she envisioned herself back in the Colonel's arms once again.
Before she knew it, she had jolted awake for what felt like the nth time, looking down, she inspected her blue skin before remembering the words of the team-
"we can see everything you see."
Shit! her shirt was lying by her side from the previous night, larger blue hands providing a firm grip to her waist and abdomen, her blood running cold as she realised she had essentially flashed the entire team of higher-ups and scientists. Prying Miles' hands off of her took some effort considering every time she managed to remove one, the other simply hugged her in closer; face nuzzling into her shoulder. She wondered if it were possible to die from embarrassment.
"Colonel,"
she groaned, attempting to wiggle out of his hold.
"Colonel."
"Mmm go back to sleep sunshine,"
he mumbled half asleep, sharp fangs grazing her neck as he spoke
"Colonel!"
She jabbed an elbow into his ribs, finally causing him to awaken with a grunt, quickly removing his arms from around her as she suppressed a shiver at the feeling of his thumb brushing a little to close to the curve of her breast. Once she was released from his hold she scrambled for her shirt, hoping to retain a sliver of modesty and once she was fully covered, turning to Miles.
"There's a rescue team coming"
He quirked a brow, confusion obvious on his face.
"I told them our location when I unlinked...and they can see us now."
His ears stood to attention at this information, seeming to understand what she was implying, grabbing his own tactical vest and fastening it against his bare chest.
"Well then darling, better show 'em around."
he stood cockily as he motioned to the relatively small expanse of sand bank in front of her. Ignoring his demeanour she walked slowly around their little island, being sure to look towards every object that could be recognisable.
"They should be here soon,"
she pondered, turning to Miles once more, both opting to stand in silence observing one another. His hands were rested on his belt loops as he leant his weight on one leg, she thought he looked striking against the jungle background, wind causing his braid to sway gently behind him. Thus, a sense of unease settled between them both, knowing that the things they truly wanted to do and say were being observed, and that this was possibly the last time they would be in avatar form caused her heart to ache.
"Real soon darling."
His words sounded almost melancholic, maybe she wasn't the only one thinking that way, at least it's what she hoped.
Eventually the sound of aircraft ahead was apparent and she and the Colonel were shipped off from your isolated paradise, back to the RDA base where they were both forced away from one another and bombarded with questions, tests, food, clothes, without so much as a goodbye.
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"Soooooo, how was your trip with the colonel? I heard you two were stranded together for a whole night, you guys do the dirty yet?"
June's usual perkiness, which would ordinarily bring a playful fondness to Gaia's heart, seemed to grate against her ears like nails on a chalkboard.
"I don't want to talk about it,"
was all her hoarse voice could let out, tears brimming in her eyes as she turned her head away.
"Gaia?"
June sounded worried, pulling her friend's face in her hands to face her
"Oh my gosh, what happened, are you okay, is it the Colonel, did he do something?"
her register became higher with every word she spoke, as her eyes darted across her face nervously. Gaia couldn't help the tears that slipped down her face, a pathetic sight in the middle of the dining hall, nevertheless, June took her in her arms, cradling her. she never deserved her kindness.
"Come here, it's okay, don't cry,"
she shushed her as she battled to keep her feelings at bay. Eventually Gaia was released, feeling embarrassed and biting her lip, she tried to explain herself,
"I don't know why I'm crying,"
laughing halfheartedly.
"It's okay, you sure you don't wanna to talk about it?"
She enquired, head tilted as if she didn't quite know what to make of her emotions.
"No, it's okay, it's something I have to figure out myself I think..."
She concluded assuredly, hoping she would be able to keep to her own wishes.
"Alright, but if he hurts you, I won't hesitate to cut him,"
She lifted a butter knife in her hands, imitating how she would slice his skin making her giggle sincerely at last.
"You know what you need?"
June spoke suddenly, the knife previously in her hold clattering to the table.
"No, what's that June?"
she asked with curiosity.
"To get drunk!"
She declared passionately as if she were revealing the cure for cancer.
"I can agree with that"
Gaia laughed once more as they both made plans to go to the RDA bar later that night.
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"Hey, June, what're you wearing?"
Gaia shouted from the drawer she was rifling through.
"I was gonna wear just a thong actually, I think that'll be enough to make Mike look my way,"
she laughed, posing in the mirror in nothing but the red lacy garment making her roommate cough out a laugh through the toothbrush held between her lips.
"June, be serious, you know that boy has been in love with you since he first laid eyes on you!"
"Really? You think?"
she sighed, flopping down on her bunk, twirling her hair in her fingers wistfully.
"Yes, are you blind? he stares at you like a lovesick puppy. I promise if you made even the slightest move he would go for it."
Gaia spoke with fervour, hoping to reassure her that he would be the lucky one if he ever had the chance, not the other way round.
"What about you, are you planning on seducing the Colonel? Oh, you know there's this rumor going round that you two fucked on that mission... "
she sighed, knowing exactly what she was referring to.
"Look, we didn't do anything it's just..."
she trailed off, a blush starting to form on her cheeks.
"Oh my gosh tell me!!"
she jumped up, leaning on her hands excitedly.
"Well when we were there it was so cold... and I may have been topless and he may have also been, and possibly cuddling me in my sleep.. only so we didn't get hypothermia and die. But I think the scientists saw my tits on the link."
She spoke shamefully, rubbing the back of her neck to quell her anxiety.
"Pahahah, so he totally copped a feel then, how ripped is he?"
At least she found it amusing, though Gaia were surprised that she didn't seem at all shocked with her news.
"No, he wouldn't do that, he's really respectful you know, I feel like he actually cares about me...but yes he's sooo ripped, I literally couldn't stop looking,"
she confessed wickedly, meeting her eye as they both laughed together like the old days.
"Okay, so you're definitely wearing this then, that'll get him looking for sure."
She pulled out a silky black dress that reminded Gaia of lingerie, with a back low enough to see her ass crack, making her eyes bulge out of her skull.
"Don't you think it'll be too much?"
She implored, wondering what kind of impression a dress like that could give, not that she was a prude.
"Absolutely not, this will be just enough,"
she smiled devilishly, pulling out her own, equally revealing outfit as they both continued to get ready to be stared at like a piece of meat at the RDA's very own bar.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When she finally stepped into the bar, arms linked with June, she immediately felt eyes boring into her ass, not surprisingly, the dress was barely decent and she wondered why she were even doing this, knowing she didn't have to dress up to get Miles' attention. Although at the back of her mind she wondered if he was only attracted to her avatar body, maybe her puny human form couldn't suffice.
"Two vodka lime soda's pretty please"
June batted her lashes boldly at the bartender who quickly obliged, not before stealing a glance at her cleavage, Gaia noted amusedly.
"Wow, you really know how to work men up."
She mused, eyes wondering round the bar, saddened to find the Colonel wasn't anywhere to be seen amongst the congregation of other recombinant troops.
"You see mike anywhere?"
She asked, hoping they hadn't both got dressed up for nothing,
"yeah, he's right over there, is he looking?"
she asked, sipping her drink as if she hadn't noticed his presence.
"Oh yeah he's definitely looking alright,"
she choked down a laugh as she downed your drink, watching as mikes eyes raked up and down her body like he'd never seen a woman before.
"I swear if you don't go over there now he'll go feral."
She snorted, the liquid courage in her system agreeing with her plan, and giving her a quick hug before moving towards her target, leaving Gaia alone. She ordered drink after drink in boredom, sipping them as quickly as the first and before she knew it she was more than tipsy.
"Sunshine, what're you doing here alone?"
She heard a cheerful voice from behind her, turning to see Mansk, a few bruises littered his face, she presumed from the previous mission.
"Mansk!"
She hopped up gleefully, engulfing him in a hug that seemed to catch him off guard.
"Whoa there, are you drunk?"
his eyes crinkled at the sides as lips drew into a smile, holding her steady by the waist as she swayed.
"Absolutely not, you wanna dance?"
She smiled softly at him to which he complied, bringing her to the centre of the floor and twirling her in a circle before swaying slowly with his hands on her waist.
"I'm not sure the Colonel's gonna be too happy with this,"
he gulped, eyes shifting nervously between her and the door as if he was ready to run at any moment.
"What is he? my owner? I'm an adult I can do what I want,"
she smiled lazily, placing her head on his chest as they both continued to sway together to the sound of the music and chatter from the bar. She noticed the sound of heavy boots seemed to be drawing nearer but decided to ignore it, feeling comfortable in her current position; that was until she felt Mansk still, hands withdrawing from her hips at the speed of light.
"She's all yours boss,"
she heard him say with a slight tremble in his voice.
"I'm aware of that Mansk, you're all mine aren't you sunshine?"
Her stomach dropped, recognising his voice as she lifted her head to meet the eyes of the one and only Colonel Quaritch, his teeth bared whilst his tongue ran over the sharp fangs that were exposed as he eyed her slowly. Letting go of Mansk she stood awkwardly as though she'd been caught committing some sort of crime. Before she could protest, one hand placed on her naked back dragged her into his chest. She craned her head to meet his eyes, expecting to find fury and anger, instead she was met with a soft almost teasing look dancing on his features.
"Look at you sunshine, all dressed up like this, you trying to distract my whole team hm?"
He took the lead swaying her with more confidence than Mansk ever dared.
"No,"
she chuckled, the alcohol going to her head when she pressed a kiss between his pectoral muscles.
"It's for you Miles,"
she kissed up his chest between each word, standing on her toes attempting to reach his neck. God if that rumor wasn't true before she was certainly going to try to bring it to reality tonight. A groan rumbled through his chest and she watched his face contort in frustration.
"Shit, you're so drunk sweetheart."
His hand moved to the curve of her ass when he said this, eyes twinkling as he watched the mess she was making of herself, making him feel ever more powerful above her.
"Miles,"
she mewled into his broad chest, fingers reaching to wrap around his belt buckle, giving it a tug, causing their bodies to come crashing together.
"Okay sunshine, lets go,"
he said, voice bordering on panicked as he scooped her up and over his shoulder with zero effort, reasonably deciding to save her the further embarrassment she was about to cause herself, or possibly to save himself the difficulty of having to restrain himself when he looked down at her desperate posture and doe eyes, staring up at him so sweetly. Hand resting over her ass, he slapped lightly at her thigh when she tried to struggle off, walking out of the bar completely. She was at his mercy which made her wonder, with legs pressed tightly together, what he would do with this new found opportunity.
Taglist:
@ab-haya
@isabellekenway
@mechformers
@jayedillon
#miles quaritch#miles quaritch x OC#recom squad#recom quaritch#colonel quaritch#avatar quaritch#avatar fanfiction#avatar 2#avatar twow#avatar the way of water#miles quaritch fluff
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Tav: I found a puppy 🥺
Durge: Anoth- what is that.
Tav: ...A worg puppy...
Durge: Put it back, you don't know where it's been
Tav: 🥺
Durge images belong to @imperial-agent
Durge was picking up the last of the supplies around the camp, any sticks and wood they could use for tonight's fire. It was a long day already dealing with more Goblins. He was getting tired of that smell, gods they smell so bad. He rather smell the smokes fire into his lungs than the stink of Goblin. Something him and Astarion can at least agree on... despite the metaphoric knives that being pointed at each other's necks.
Durge was wondering where Tav was though? She was taking awhile to find food and supplies, she must have not went far since the Druids grove wasn't far. He knew her Druid skills are very useful, but he didn't want her to get jumped by more goblins or perhaps any Thralls under the mindflayers power.
Durge then heard you greeting the others, oh thank the gods she is back. If you didn't come back any sooner, he was gonna grab everyone to do a rescue mission.
"Hello Durge." You said greeting him. Your voice just like the morning summer sun shining onto his soul it soothed him "I found another pup."
Durge paused... another dog? They already have scratch, and not to mention they acquired the baby owl bear they rescued from the Goblins.
"Another?" he asked turning to look at you "Itov we already-- what is THAT?!"
Looking what's in your arms, Durge could see a small pup that was barely had it's eyes open. It was content in your arms looking around it's surroundings sniffing around it's area. The new smells overwhelming it's senses. It made soft little grunts and tiny whimpers trying to communicate with someone at least. It was a small little thing, brown and a little fuzzy but not fluffy, but it felt safe with you, didn't panic what so ever.
"It's a Worg puppy, isn't she adorable?" You asked Durge with a bright smile holding out the little beastie, as you outstretched the little pup towards Durge as it's little feet dangled in the air looking at the Dragonborn and sniffed towards him.
Durge wasn't sure how to handle this... a... how in the nine hell's did she get that little pup!? Where was it's mother?
"Itov put that back, we can't keep this pup." Durge reasoned trying not to lose his mind out his Druid found this damn pup!
"But... she was alone. I couldn't leave this poor little angel by herself she would have gotten eaten." You explained to him.
Oh gods now you were getting attached. He came over to you as you held the little pup in your arms, he set his clawed hands on your shoulder gently looking you in your eyes.
"Itov, we have to bring her back to her mother and siblings." Durge explained to you looking down at the little worg pup. She yawned showing her new teeth as she snuggled right in your arms perfectly falling asleep in your warmth "She will be better off with her kind, and not to mention she might be too much to handle, scratch already has his hands full with the owl bear being a role model, I don't think we should put another animal onto his plate to take care of and protect."
Durge was right, and of course you knew better, but your heart was only trying to do the right thing. and Durge knows, and that's what he loved about you. You are good to wildlife and you see the good in every creature they come across that looked friend shaped.
"I'll go with you." Durge said "we can look together, and make sure she don't get hurt. Sound good to you Itov?" he asked you gently cupping your chin to look at him with a soft smile on his dragonborn face.
you nodded with a smile "Yes, thank you." you said softly.
Durge smiled back and wrapped an arm around your shoulders leading out into the woods letting the others know you both will be back... hopefully not mauled by the pups mother.
//I like to think in this oneshot Tav is a Druid in this one cause come on, if I was a druid I be like "aright your coming home with me." I would get so many glares from the party members XD.
#bg3#bg3 bhaalspawn#bhaal#durge x reader#durge#baldurs gate 3#Durge DragonBorn#The Dark Urge#the dark urge x reader
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Of all the things he'd imagined doing over the weekend, being drug around the pound by an overly excited Maxine hadn’t been high on his list.
Sure, he'd told her his therapist had advised getting himself a dog, but he hadn’t expected that to translate into "We're going dog shopping right now." He supposes he should have seen it coming, but he was always kind of out of it after therapy.
The lady at the counter had given him the stink eye at first, but relented when Max had bopped up to her instead. Not that his sister had any better manners than he did (worse, he'd argue), but she was small and she was excited and it was hard to say no to those big green eyes.
Which was how he ended up being pulled around to every kennel at the shelter.
In truth, Billy had hardly been paying attention. He figured whatever dog they'd land on would be fine. He'd never had a dog but how different could it be from having a sister?
It wasn't until they passed a seemingly empty kennel that his attention was snagged.
"The card on the door says there's a dog in here." Max gestured to said card, containing a little information on the supposed dog, "Daisy, five years old, red nosed pitbull, recent rescue. Huh."
Billy peeked around her, first at the card, then at the seemingly empty kennel before a though occurred to him.
He dropped down into a crouch, a little too quickly for his knees, and checked under the little doggy cot set up in there. Sure enough, there was a little ball of short fur tucked away in the very corner.
She was almost as red as Max's hair, though there were patches missing. Billy had had more than enough cigarette burns to recognize them on sight. It made his stomach turn, the idea of someone using an animal as a punching bag like that.
"Daisy?" He called, keeping his voice as soft as he could, with limited success. Gentle was still new to him.
To his surprise, a head perked up. Just a little bit, just two floppy ears twitching towards the sound of her name. Both ears were notched, and one didn't sit at the same angle as the other one.
"Hey there, Daisy." He spoke again, "You picked the best hiding spot in the house."
The only one really, one Billy himself had tried a time or two before he realized hiding only made things worse.
To his surprise her tail thumped against the ground in an aborted wag. Like she was happy to be spoke to, but so nervous at the same time. He knew that feeling all too well too.
He sat himself down on the floor since crouching was making his legs go numb, making sure he did it slowly so as not to spook Daisy.
"It looks kinda small for you though." He continued, "But I guess that's kind of nice sometimes too."
Billy loved small spaces. No one ever expected him to be able to fit into them, so no one ever looked for him there. Plus the tightness almost felt like a hug. There had been plenty of times he slipped himself into a crawl space or an overfilled closet and just let himself daydream he was somewhere else.
Daisy's tail thumped again, twice this time, and Billy found himself smiling a little.
"Well," Max said, just as quietly as Billy was, "I think we found the right fit."
#stranger things#billy hargrove#max mayfield#tw: implied child abuse#tw: animal injury#tw: animal abuse#i might write more on this i just love the idea
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avenger bucky x regular reader fic recs
bucky barnes x reader
❤️ = fluff
😔 = angst
🔥 = smut
one shots:
hold my girl - @pellucid-constellations
Bucky comes home from a mission and needs time to hold his girl. ❤️
test drive - @cherrypickertheory
Bucky has a breeding kink. 🔥
disney princesses and dog tags - @buckyalpine
single reader mom reader starts dating Bucky doesn't tell him off the bat about kid and he starts getting a little antsy ❤️🔥
princess cut - @viollettes
Bucky sustains an injury because of a punk-ass kid, and you swoop in to do something about it. ❤️
every night - @ijustreallylovezebras
Bucky sneaks out of the compound every night, the team want to know why ❤️
counting - @pellucid-constellations
Time heals all wounds. Bucky’d been holding onto that proverb ever since blip. But time had never been particularly kind to him, so he opted to keep track of the sweet girl’s in his apartment building instead, the one that made him banana bread and took him to diners at two in the morning. Sometimes, you didn’t keep the same schedule. That made Bucky panic. ❤️😔
flowers in the compound - @pellucid-constellations
That girl from the flower shop seems to be taking up a lot of Bucky’s time. ❤️
name - @ijustreallylovezebras
The reader works in the local Starbucks and Bucky comes in almost every day but always orders with a different name ❤️
the safest place in new york - @wkemeup
A stranger comes to your rescue when you find yourself held at knifepoint, alone in an alleyway, by a man demanding your money ❤️
the sound of music - @delicatelyherdreams
Bucky never heard music the way everyone said he should. He never got a song stuck in his head. He never had a soulmate. Until he did. (Soulmate AU) ❤️
perfect for me - @prettyyoungtragedy
When your friends set you up on a blind date, you have no idea what you’re walking into. Is it a total fail or true love? ❤️
story time - @delicatelyherdreams
Bucky is coerced into joining a local library’s story time for veterans. He’s not sure what to expect. ❤️
something tells me - @ugh-supersoldiers
Soulmates are supposed to be a beautiful gift, created so that no one every goes through life without love. Born with an invisible matching marking, a tattoo to signify their bond, that only reveals itself after the two souls touch for the first time. After escaping Hydra, Bucky hopes more than anything that his soulmate died a long time ago, but little does he know you’re right around the corner. ❤️😔
in the name of love - @moonbeambucky
Bucky meets a nurse he thinks is playing hard to get and he’s more than willing to throw himself in the game.❤️😔
sing me to sleep - @invisibleanonymousmonsters
Bucky meets a lovely stranger on a commercial flight.❤️
rose - @softlyspector
In a world where soulmates share each other’s scars, oddly enough it’s a tattoo that brings Bucky and the reader together. Soulmate AU ❤️
love in four acts - @buckybarnesowl
You’re a nurse living in Brooklyn. You’ve got a crush on your next door neighbour who doesn’t seem to know you exist. One day his cat finds its way into your apartment, forcing you both to finally meet. That’s when you learn that he’s James Buchanan Barnes, ex-Winter Soldier. Well, there goes your chances. Or maybe getting close to a superhero isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds ❤️😔
three times - @softlyspector
Some people say things differently. Bucky learns how to say I love you. Y/N learns how to hear him say it ❤️
who's she? - @itsapeterthing
when sam gets injured during a mission and isn’t able to go to a hospital, bucky brings him and natasha to his own home to get cared for by his girlfriend, y/n, who he’s been keeping a secret. ❤️
a little old fashioned - @gogolucky13
Bucky is a bit subtle in telling you he likes you ❤️
serious questions - @espinosaurusrexex
Bucky agrees to go on a date to make his colleagues shut up. Now, he just feels sorry for the poor woman that has to spend an entire evening with him. He really tries to make it work, though, because he actually enjoys her company. ❤️
a little longer - @buckyalpine
you're bucky's neighbor and he brings you to a cookout with sam as his fake girlfriend ❤️
search history - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
you look at each other's search histories ❤️
new year's day - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
you and bucky kiss at midnight on new years eve ❤️
history's mysteries - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
you listen to a podcast that covers the winter soldier and ask bucky about his past ❤️
good old fashioned lover boy - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
you introduce bucky to things he's missed ❤️
earthly possessions - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
bucky moves into readers place and has very few possessions ❤️
dress code - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
you have an ex that used to slut shame you for your outfits, but bucky loves them ❤️
chain round my neck - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky
bucky gives you a special necklace ❤️
life before you - @world-of-aus
The reader has some form of abandonment issues (she doesn't want to be clingy) and thinks Bucky will leave her or something and he comforts her and there is a kinda fluffy-ness. Or the reader always says thank you and sorry for everything even things that aren’t her fault and it’s because she had a rough past or dodgy ex or cause she thinks she’s a burden X Basically I crave fluff X Thanks in advance x Lots of love Xxxxx XXX X ❤️
gentle - @softlyspector
Bucky and the reader are sharing an intimate moment when he accidentally reveals something to her. Or, Bucky Barnes wants a normal life. ❤️🔥
two pages - @softlyspector
Bucky laughs and curls a finger under her chin, tilting her head up and back. “Lemme take care of you,” he says, blue eyes clear and sparkling, like salt on the sea. 🔥
hint dropped - @rocketrhap3000
while looking at rings online, you accidentally click a “send a hint” feature addressed to Bucky’s email, despite never having that conversation with him and not even knowing whether or not that’s something he wants, but his reaction surprises you :) ❤️
valentine - @softlyspector
You’re Bucky’s neighbor, Bucky is your secret admirer. Valentine’s day and a potential date forces him to act ❤️
teddy bear - @softlyspector
soulmate!au in which when one soulmate loses something, their other half finds it. When Bucky begins finding things that don’t belong to him, he realizes he has a soulmate in the modern world after all. Even though they should be perfectly matched, he struggles to find a reason why he should meet her, and be a part of her life, convincing himself she’s better off without him. ❤️😔
secret relationship and bucky - @invisibleanonymousmonsters
bucky is always disappearing from the compound and everyone figures that it’s bucky being bucky.. but he’s visiting his civilian girlfriend and knows that she’ll be in danger the moment they go public so he doesn’t even tell the team about her.. and their circumstances of meeting could be in the aftermath of some Avengers thing? ❤️😔
nutella - @teamatsumu
Late at night, you turn on the kitchen light to find a stranger bleeding on your floor and eating your Nutella. ❤️
possession - @teamatsumu
On your 25th birthday, for twenty four hours, you are allowed to possess your soulmate; a process called The Possession. As you look at the world from their eyes, you find out everything you can about your soulmate so you can locate them when The Possession is over. But you have a slight problem: you wake up in a cryo freezer. ❤️😔
sounds of heaven - @moonbeambucky
Tired of another night without sleep, Bucky finds an unlikely source for help ❤️
baby - @ugh-supersoldiers
After you spend the night at Bucky’s for the first time, you drop a nickname that turns the ex Winter Soldier into a blushing and stuttering mess. ❤️
saturdays - @sunmoonandeddie
bucky barnes has a new routine ❤️😔
bookmark - @buckyalpine
reader is a romance writer and the other avengers discover her books ❤️🔥
pucker up, buttercup - @witchywithwhiskey
it's been a long day of working at your lemonade stall during the town's busy summer festival and making the day worse is all the unwanted attention and come-ons you've gotten from customers. by the time bucky barnes tries his own tired pickup line, you've had enough—but then he goes and spills a fresh pitcher of lemonade and offers to make a new one. you're reluctant to admit bucky might not be like all those other guys. in fact, he might be someone you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. sunshine!bucky barnes x grumpy!fem!reader ❤️
gentle - @invisibleanonymousmonsters
Y/N has never seen Bucky be anything but gentle and loving. It’s hard for her to believe her boyfriend was ever the world’s deadliest and most lethal assassin. ❤️😔
bad day - @invisibleanonymousmonsters
Y/N has an absolute shit day at work and Bucky tries to make his girl feel better. ❤️
#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes fluff
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I rewatched “the boy in the iceberg” the other day, and it’s not an episode I revisit often, but when I do, I’m always kind of amazed by the level of insight it provides into katara and sokka’s upbringing, but only when you watch it through the lens of having already seen the entire show.
for example, kanna as a character does not register for the viewer unless you already know her backstory as it’s revealed to us in “the waterbending master,” at which point the fact that she is shown to be unflinchingly harsh and stern and keeps preventing katara from the fun and adventure she clearly yearns for actively signals to us what kind of toll the war must’ve taken on her and the responsibility she feels towards keeping katara out of trouble. the fact that we see kanna push katara from aang, warning her to not pin her hopes on this boy and telling her she needs to do her chores, is really interesting because it frames the fact that katara does a lot of chores not as something she might have volunteered to do, or even is expected to as a girl, but rather something that kanna forces her to do as a distraction method (both from her grief and from her impulsiveness).
it’s clear that kanna sees far more of herself in katara than she does in sokka, but that comes with the acknowledgment that katara has the capacity to be just as adventurous, reckless and impulsive as kanna was at her age, and that means keeping a close eye on her at all times. I’m convinced that if kanna had ever said “sokka, be a man and wash your dirty socks,” sokka would’ve done that shit without question, but instead kanna made katara do all of the laundry because it meant keeping her in their house for longer, where she can keep an eye on her granddaughter and make sure she isn’t running off to go penguin sledding or exploring the ruins of an old fire nation ship (two things she immediately does the second she makes a friend her age) or god knows what else. kanna has no need to keep an eye on sokka because he is extremely cautious, takes his duties very seriously, and refuses to entertain the notion of having fun of any kind, so there’s no chance of him wandering off and getting into trouble.
when sokka says “I knew I shouldn’t have taken you fishing,” because of what he says next (“leave it to a girl to screw things up”) he makes it sound like it’s because he believes that women can’t fish because their tits get in the way or whatever, but I bet that katara begged him to take her because she was bored and was clawing at the walls desperate to go outside and explore, even if it meant putting up with her annoying ass brother (not like she has any other friends her age). she probably went through all her chores really fast and then caught sokka on his way out and did adorable puppy dog eyes and had a whole numbered list ready with reasons she should go until sokka relented (only to immediately realize that fishing is just as boring as doing laundry).
kanna did not approve of the idea of katara going alone with aang to the north pole, but once it was sokka’s idea to go rescue aang and travel the world, (and it was clear he had packed the necessary provisions, unlike katara, whose decision to leave with aang was a spur of the moment thing,) kanna gave them her blessing. and her respective farewells to both of them are also so telling in that regard, because she is giving katara permission to be hopeful, to finally live up to her heroic potential, whereas she tells sokka to look after katara. on their travels, katara does have some practical skills sokka doesn’t (sewing and midwifery being the primary two things sokka is fucking useless at) that she acquired from spending every waking second since kya’s death doing chores with kanna, but she is also constantly getting herself into trouble, with or without aang (or toph) as her accomplice. and every time sokka is just like “yup, classic katara shenanigans. just so you know i disapprove but also will do everything in my power to help you out of this mess.”
watching out for katara, making sure that she doesn’t get herself into trouble, and then helping her out of said trouble, is the exact kind of thing both hakoda and kanna told sokka his primary responsibility was, and it’s clear he takes that responsibility very seriously. it’s also probably why he was way more chill about the consequences of toph’s scamming. like, he told her to be careful after noticing her wanted poster, but he wasn’t mad about it the way he was when katara attracted the wrath of pirates, because he didn’t spend his whole life being shown and told that toph needs someone responsible to keep her in line. and he does feel a level of responsibility and protectiveness towards toph, that much is clear, but he also trusts her judgment because he’s never actually seen her make an actively bad judgment call (excluding katara from the scams was mean and wrong of her, granted, but it’s clear he doesn’t wanna involve himself in their beef).
“never turning his back on katara” is always sokka’s first priority, above anything else, and that shows even when he’s being a dick to her, saying inflammatory shit like “leave it to a girl to screw things up.” again, once you've seen the show in full, it’s pretty clear that sokka is just saying that because he’s insecure that all the warriors left him behind, so he’s projecting his insecurities onto her, but if you don’t have the context to understand how much the idea of “not being a true warrior” means to sokka, it just seems like he thinks boys rule girls drool. and if you don’t realize that kanna is actively making katara do more chores on purpose, whereas she trusts sokka to be responsible for himself, it does seem like katara is taking on an unfair amount of responsibility, in a gendered way. you take that conversation at face value, because you don’t realize (at first) that they’re both projecting their insecurities and blaming their personal frustrations on each other. you don’t realize that sokka is minimizing katara because he sees her as his annoying little sister who always gets into trouble, and you don’t realize that katara is telling herself stories of grand adventure because she feels cooped up at home, because this is the inciting incident where adventure does await, so sokka’s suspicion and exasperation seems out of pocket, whereas katara’s wonder and eagerness seems totally justified.
it’s similar to how when zuko sees the light from the iceberg opening iroh warns them that they’ve gone down this road before and not to have too much hope. kanna tells katara the same thing. both zuko and katara believe in the avatar as their salvation, and are so eager to put their faith in this narrative that they accept it without question. of course, we as the audience know that they’re right, but it’s also perfectly reasonable for sokka and iroh to warn them not to get their hopes up, to be careful and patient. it makes you wonder how many times not only zuko, but also katara have gone looking for the avatar before, firm in their belief that he’s still out their somewhere, and they will be the Chosen One to finally find him (of course, they’re right, but no one had any way of possibly knowing that). katara and zuko are obvious foils whose journeys mirror and intersect, but iroh and sokka are too, and they’re both there to support and guide their younger, less jaded family member, both in giving them the space and encouragement to be the best versions of themselves they can be, and also cautioning them or saving them once they get themselves into trouble due to their shortsighted impulsiveness.
the same way that zuko’s always yelling at iroh that he’s just a lazy old man who doesn’t understand the importance of honor is how i view katara’s rant to sokka that he “doesn’t do anything around camp” and “from now on, he’s on his own.” like, what does she even mean by him “being on his own”? his primary priority at all times is literally protecting her. he’s not the one making her do his laundry, their grandmother is. blame her, katara! (actually ykw i bet she does but just yells at whichever family member is in vicinity in that moment.) katara has every right to be bored and frustrated, but her anger is mostly misplaced (other than calling sokka sexist, that’s fair). and it’s clear that sokka doesn’t take any of what she says to heart anyway, because the entire time she’s ranting he’s just sitting there thinking about how they’re gonna get home without a boat.
what makes kanna so fascinating is that we only ever see her agreeing with sokka, but it’s clear she’s secretly rooting for katara, for her naive, impossible worldview to be somehow, against all odds, right. and when she is, when the avatar is revealed to be alive, kanna thanks her for bringing back the dormant hope she long thought gone for good. sokka, like kanna, has been utterly jaded, all and any sense of wonder pulverized by the war. but aang and katara bring it back, through their sheer optimism against all odds, their sense of adventure, their commitment to justice, and their dedication to preserving their childhoods amidst all the grief and violence they’ve had to suffer.
#katara#sokka#katara&sokka#best siblings best characters#analysis#kanna&katara#kanna#iroh&zuko#katara&zuko#aang&katara#sokka&toph#sorry this post is so long u cant shut me up abt katara & her family i simply have too many Thoughts#also i talk in other posts abt why sokka belittles kataras bending; why sokka is sexist (i sort of touch on it here but not nearly as much)#how kanna mirrors katara in so many ways#and also more abt how 'the runaway' further frames katara & her relationship to her family in general#i should make a longer post abt the iroh sokka parallels#i've been meaning to for ages#bc oh man.#anyway. it rly bothers me when ppl talk abt katara as if she is some Maternal Goddess#when all evidence points to her being a Loud Little Sister#its like ppl took some extremely shallow visual cues & some sentences out of context and Ran with it#the way kanna talks abt katara tho is so telling bc she knows her better than anyone#kanna is so no-nonsense she sees an airbender and she's immediately like 'why arent you dead.' i love her
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What are your favourite pathetic Javert moments? I read your post, and now I'm curious
(CONTEXT: a while back I made a post where I jokingly promised to list my top ten pathetic Javert moments. It is finally that time. Thank you anon and @revolutionaeternam.)
I had trouble writing this post because there are way too many moments in the Brick where Javert is a horribly pathetic creature. So here are the Top Eleven Pathetic Javert Moments I Am Currently Thinking About:
#11:
“This man was at the barricade,” said he in a low voice and as though speaking to himself. “He is the one they called Marius.”
A spy of the first quality, who had observed everything, listened to everything, and taken in everything, even when he thought that he was to die; who had played the spy even in his agony, and who, with his elbows leaning on the first step of the sepulchre, had taken notes.
This line really encapsulates the tragic pathetic side of Javert for me. His entire existence is built on mindless groveling and performing useless tasks in the service of an authority that does not respect him and never will. He is the kind of person who will waste his last hours alive pointlessly ‘taking notes’ no one will read simply because it is what he has been ordered to do, and he cannot disobey orders.
#10. The entire “Punish me, Monsieur Le Maire” scene.
No explanation needed.
#9. Every moment when Javert expresses vehement hatred for some random inoffensive thing that no reasonable person would ever hate. (Ex. Thinking, kindness, facts, books, stoves, etc.)
#8: Javert recognizing Eponine's body right before his execution, and saying “It strikes me that I know that girl.” The Javert/Eponine parallels, and that way Javert-Eponine are the failed “shadows” of Valjean-Cosette....
#7. Every time Javert is compared to a dog.
It’s always easier to feel sorry for a furry.
#6. The moment when the National Guard has an opportunity to trade Jehan’s life for Javert’s --and doesn't. (And Enjolras telling Javert that "your friends have just shot you.")
Like? The way Javert is serving a society that does not value his life; the way the National Guard could have easily rescued him, but didn’t know or care that he had been captured! And the fact that "your friends have just shot you" is immediately followed by Eponine, Javert’s narrative foil, dying of a bullet wound as she begs for attention from a man who doesn't even recognize her...the way both Javert and Eponine made themselves the “guard dogs” of someone/something that barely remembers they exist...
#5. All of Javert’s behavior at the barricade in general, and the way it parallels Jean Valjean's behavior.
It’s fascinating how Javert acts so similar to the way Jean Valjean acted while captured by Thenardier — they both ‘do not utter a single cry,’ and remain utterly calm even when tied to a post awaiting death. They are superficially polite, save for a few passive-aggressive insults. It’s one of the few moments where you see “oh yeah, Javert was born in a prison, and like Jean Valjean he’s learned how to 'properly' behave in situations where he's trapped and has no autonomy, to the point where it’s second nature for him.” Fanfic writers often portray the barricade as uniquely traumatizing for Javert, but the sad thing is that Javert is pretty “eh this is just Tuesday for me” about it until Jean Valjean saves his life.
#4. Javert’s inability to lie at the barricades. He cannot lie to save his life. At the barricade they ask him who he is and he responds “my name’s Javert and I’m a cop.” Who made this man a spy???? Why did they did they send HIM on the spying mission???
#3. Javert IS SO BAD at lying I'm putting it on this list twice. 2012 Les Mis Fandom often liked to make Javert a ~closed book who secretly has a soft heart and hidden depths~ but to me…, one of the most pathetic things about Javert is that what you see is what you get. He is physically incapable of pretending to believe things he does not believe or feel things he does not feel. He’s described as someone whose eyes are so clear you can see the very depths of his conscience in them. Javert can be stoic and level-headed while dealing with severe emotions, but he cannot lie, and the one time he attempts to lie (“I will wait for you here”) he’s so bad at it that even a very distracted Jean Valjean notices something is off. And idk, to me it seems like there can be a really painful vulnerability to that.
#2. “You annoy me. Kill me rather.”
ICONIC. And the tu/vous switch that happens here, where Javert is trying to act harsh toward Valjean but is incapable of concealing the fact that he’s developed a new terrifying respect for him!! Because he is a terrible liar! Something is wrong with him. <3 The entire 'execution' scene is a beautiful farce.
#1. This is cheating but: everything involving Javert's final confrontation with Jean Valjean after the barricades, including all of Derailed.
These brief chapters are the only time when we see how a doubt-ridden post-barricades Javert interacts with other people, especially Jean Valjean, and it’s all deeply pitiable. His characterization in these chapters is fascinating, and is almost never captured in any adaptations. He isn’t shouting at Valjean or violently threatening him with death; for the first time he’s lost, wandering, and uncertain, speaking "as if in a dream" and passively allowing Jean Valjean to decide where they go and what they do. It's Javert at his most wet and pathetic. Javert sees Jean Valjean and is torn between feeling like quote "the wolf which regains its grip on its prey and the dog that finds its master again...." and he deals with that by Bluescreening.
I have this theory that Javert is at his most 'likable' when he has the least power. When Javert has power, he is terrifying. But when he's powerless, when he’s been “declawed," when he's incapable of doing harm, he's just this strange pitiable Creature. And these last chapters are peak Declawed Javert.
#les mis#javert#javert doesn't have 'good qualities' just a lot of pathetic ones really#people think i hate javert but i dont..........#ive been called a 'javert hater' but i am not#i love Brick Javert for the horrible cruel Creature he is#i don't need him to be a 'handsome charismatic antihero'#he can just be a hideous wolfdog cube#he did learn ACAB in the end and that counts for something#idk if this is post is coherent XD
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[picrew] A Bit Of Background Context First: I don't tend to share OCs. I've done it... a handful of times. But they are fun and I love other people's and i love mine too. So, I've decided to pick up with the @almost-a-class-act's spooky prompts for October, a form of OC-tober as well.
So... every time I pick up a spooky prompt (not daily), I'll be picking up with an existing or new OC. They're not necessarily introductions - these are primarily for me to get used to sharing anything. So yeah, probably a lot of in media res.
Anyway. This one is Christine Basset. She features in an SAS Rogue Heroes fic I'm working on as we speak. Somewhere in the middle of four siblings, Chris found a purpose she never knew she had during the war, working as a driver for the National Fire Service. Now the war is over, the pressure to return to more domestic endeavours is high, and she will navigate that the best she can.
Character A tries to convince Character B that it's too early to put the Halloween decorations up
Mike is almost out the door and already congratulating himself on a job well done when the upstairs window flies open and a loud voice rings out into the evening.
“Michael Sadler, that had better not be you skulking around my front garden.”
He freezes and tries to flatten himself behind one of the rather unruly rose bushes that he’s been assuring his wife he’ll definitely manage to tame sometime, but the slipper that zips just past his nose and lands with a soft thwomp on the path in front him him lets him know that he’s been entirely unsuccessful in the attempt. He sighs heavily and stoops to pick it up.
Chris leans out of it, arms folded and eyebrow raised. He waves the slipper sheepishly back at her.
“If I told you I was just letting the dog out, would you believe me?” he calls up. Chris makes a show of considering it, before fixing him with another skeptical stare. He grimaces. “She’s on the bed, isn’t she?”
“You know, I told my mother I’d landed a clever one,” Chris says, voice dry. “Get back inside and bring that back in with you.”
She doesn’t mean the slipper.
Tucked under his arm, wrapped hastily in an old towel, is possibly the most terrifying thing Mike’s ever seen in his life, and all things considered, that ought to be saying something. He isn’t sure where Chris’s brother got it from, except possibly Hell itself, and more to the point, he has absolutely no idea why his wife likes it so much. Some hand-painted sheepskin mask, lopsided and sewn together with clumsy stitches to form some kind of nightmarish amalgamation of what looks like several different imaginary creatures created by someone who has never seen an animal before in his life.
The mask had been sitting undisturbed where he had hidden it when it had first come into the house, somewhere buried underneath a stack of newspapers and three tins of paint, for months. He’d almost jumped out of his own skin when he had arrived home from the pub and found it staring at him with its uncanny lifeless eyes from the kitchen window. It had made the carved jack o lantern next to it look like some cherubic effigy.
Chris had intended it, she said, as decoration for the Halloween party they were hosting tomorrow and actually, it was beautiful and perfect for the job. Mike had asked her if she expected anyone to actually enter the house if that objectively petrifying thing was staring at them. She didn’t seem to think it was as reasonable a question as he did and they had found themselves then eagerly squaring up for an argument.
But then the oven had begun to smoke and both of them had been somewhat distracted for the next several minutes. By the time the situation had been dealt with and the dinner almost rescued, they had entirely forgotten what they had been arguing about in the first place.
It hadn’t been until he’d gone downstairs to answer a late night call of nature that he’d realised - with an alarmed shriek that he was sure was very manly and dignified - that he was just going to have to take matters into his own hands and resolve this untenable situation of That Thing Inside His Home himself. And that decision had lead to his wife sitting down on the bottom of the stairs with one bare foot and an expectant expression.
The slipper he hands to her first when he comes back inside. She tugs it back onto her foot, before holding out a hand for the other package.
“The party isn’t till tomorrow,” he tries, with what he hopes is his most appealing smile. “Chris. My love. Please see clearly.” He pats the towel. “This is horrifying. This is the worst thing that anyone has ever brought into our home. Including Jasper.”
Jasper is their miserable and mysteriously aged cat. Neither of them are going to bother arguing about this objective fact.
“It’s supposed to be scary,” she replies. Her lips twitch. “My love.”
“Sweetheart…”
“Beloved…”
She shuffles up against the wall as he sits down next to her. From above, a small terrier begins to clatter itself down the steps, happily snuffling at the sight of its two favourite people. The towel Mike tucks down on the other side of him and holds his hands out, palms up. After a moment, Chris rolls her eyes and places her hands in his.
“If I don’t make a fuss about it during the party, can it at least live outside tonight?”
“What about tomorrow night?”
He considers for a moment. “Could we burn it?”
“No.” She squeezes his hands and leans in, nose pressed against his. “But... if it goes back in the cupboard under the paint until next Halloween, will that be acceptable?”
She plants a light kiss on his lips, which technically is cheating in these negotiations, but he decided to feel magnanimous in this small victory.
He’ll have at least a few hours to convince one of the neighbour children to steal it during the party anyway.
#war is helloween#sas rogue heroes oc#oc: christine basset#sas rogue heroes#mike sadler x oc#mike sadler#bob: spooky prompts
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🌟SIRIUS 🌟
HIIII :))))
2 to 4 songs that are probably on their iPod
maybe… Gonna Buy Me A Dog by The Monkees (because it’s funny); The Bitch Is Back by Elton John; She Said She Said by The Beatles; and something like British Bombs by Declan McKenna or Bang A Gong (Get It On) by T. Rex
the one place they sometimes end up falling asleep — where they’re not supposed to
James’ lap (he belongs there) or under his bed whilst contemplating every mistake he’s ever made in his entire life
the game they’d destroy everyone else at
Chess and poker :)
the emoticon they’d use most often
Either 🙄 or 😈
what they act like when they haven’t had enough sleep
He usually doesn’t get enough sleep so Sirius acts perfectly normal. Sometimes, when he hasn’t slept at all, he’s got a shorter fuse than usual and it’s significantly easier to piss him off
their preferred hot beverage on really cold nights or mornings (or whenever)
Coffee on cold mornings; thick hot chocolate on cold nights. During the day, he likes a hot mocha.
how they like to comfort/care for themselves when they’re in a slump
Doesn’t. Sirius is a disaster. James usually notices and begins the care (naps forehead kisses long talks in the dark)
what they wanted to be when they grew up
When he was really little he wanted to be like his father (which is, depending on the universe, always generally terrifying to other adults in his vicinity. Orion’s just an intimidating wizard aristocrat in canon-adjacent universes and an intimidating lawyer/judge in muggle ones). Later, he figured he’d become a teacher of run a shop/rescue along the lines of The Magical Menagerie, but then the war happened and he got arrested and after he got out, he had to 1) lay low, and 2) couldn’t think of anything but Harry so everything just sort of fell through.
their favourite kind of weather
Slightly rainy, not too cold, not very windy. So he can breathe. Padfoot likes it too (PUDDLES and MUD)
their singing voice
Incredible, tbh. He’s got this low, smooth voice that’s perfect for lullabies and a solo ballad. He rarely sings though.
how/what they like to doodle
Deer, rats, wolves, and dogs. Little cartoon animals playing. Maybe someone’s mouth.
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Kakashi Tattoo Au headcanons?
Kakashi is Minato’s apprentice turned business partner/shop owner
He’s literally always booked and has been in quite a few tattoo magazines featuring his work and ink.
He’s actually very kind to clients with low pain tolerance and will chat with them to try and help them think of something else. If they need a break, take a break. You’re not winning an award for sitting well (maybe a better tattoo though)
Because he’s the boss, he makes his own hours and will never show up before 1 pm. Ever.
Has one of the pet food wi-fi cams so he can watch and talk his dogs. Naruto and Sakura also like talking to the dogs and will take his phone to do it
Yamato is the only employee allowed in his studio area as the others tend to want to camp out and talk his ear off
Uchiha affiliated, not by choice thanks Obito, but they are some of his most loyal clients and that’s how he met/acquired Sasuke as an apprentice.
Taught Sasuke his best techniques. Like, he knew the kid had talent but even he was impressed with how well he picked up tattooing.
Constantly warning Naruto about his bangers. Consistency is still important and not every client is going to want HIS idea on their bodies forever just do the design they chose, even if it’s Sasuke’s
Trusts Sakura and Yamato to order all the supplies the shop may need. It’s not that he can’t, they’re just very reliable
Has asked Shisui to not hang around Sakura at the front desk. Sasuke’s fans are bad enough, but at least Sasuke doesn’t entertain them like Shisui does. Doesn’t help that Sakura gos along with Shisui’s stunts. They totally have had a bet on who could get the most numbers
Looks after Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Sai. Totally has received calls from them in the middle of the night to rescue one, if not all of them at some point. It’s the only reason he keeps his old van actually
Yes, he has access to luxury cars and SUVs but he still uses his first vehicle that his father and Minato helped him fix as a teen. Those days of laughing, arguing, and kid naruto pretending drive are is own little treasures (and he’s keeping them)
Shop dad. Unofficial mediator. Smut recommender. Guitar teacher. 2 coffees in and still tired. Black belt. Recipient of shop pranks. Photographer. Dog dad. Yakuza arm candy. Unenthusiastic backup karaoke singer. He holds many titles~
A little more invested in dramas than anyone would think he is. Knows about the upcoming ones before anyone else and wants to watch them in the home theater
Drives his dad places just to spend time with him.
Helps Obito train and has been doing so since they were kids. He actually can fight very well too, but he doesn’t want to and is more than happy to support Obito’s career.
Lowkey thinks it’s funny when Obito gets taken to the mat by an opponent after talking a big game. Obito should’ve trained harder and stopped trying to grab his ass
Enjoys when Rin washes his hair for him in the bath, but will never ask her to do it. He’s just grateful it’s somewhat a weekly if not daily occurrence.
Also enjoys when Obito lays his head on his lap to nap while he’s reading. He’s basically Kakashi’s one and only cat 🐈⬛
Plays coy with his lovers when they try to seduce him. They want him? Interesting~
Also makes sex tapes with them for his own viewing pleasure. They can watch them too if they want, and Obito definitely wants to. Rin is more shy about it/says she experienced it and doesn’t need to see herself like that. You go ahead guys 😳
Lives in sweatpants around the house
Once he becomes a dad, he’s bringing home temporary tattoos for them. It’s pretty much a tradition Minato started and the shop has them, so why not?
Makes the kids breakfast with scarecrow faces made of fruit and whipped cream
Goes to all their tournaments and games
Is the pillow for at least two people at all times
Has a wall of black and white photos he’s taken starting from middle school and going all the way up to the kids latest candid moments. He sometimes will stand in front of it and just take in all the memories
#ask#tattoo shop au#kakashi hatake#tw suggestive#kakaobirin#tsau: hatake kakashi#tsau: hatake sakumo#kpz tsau ℹ️
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After a rough year of health, my grandpa departed from this plane about 28 hours ago. I’m treating myself kindly, but my heart has a noticeable absence inside.
He was a guy who always, always did everything for everyone – if you need your deck restained? Done. Need a new shower? Give him like a week and it’s there. Want a new window? Yeah dude he had it done in a day or two. Like. A tree fell through this man’s ceiling and he had it tidied up, with assistance, in a week. When my mom needed a ramp for her wheelchair in her final months, he had it made in a few days. He got shit done, always with others in mind.
He was also secretive with a lot of things; we knew he was declining over the past year just by looking at him, his tremors, a noticeable decrease in blood flow. But he was still doing jobs and painting houses. He was just that kind of guy and I respected it heavily. I envy it still. Everything he labored was with love and care that you could not find from anyone else. He amazed me.
He was preceded in death by the love of his life, we’ll call him Dean. I never met Dean – he passed a little before the turn of the century, so I only know him in stories. They helped raise my mother together – her mom wasn’t in the picture for much of her adolescence, but those two were. My mom only ever spoke in adoration of them. Things weren’t stable and they moved a lot, but they had love – and they always had her. I knew he did experience a few hate crimes, around the 60s or 70s, which breaks my heart. I never brought up his sexuality with him – mainly because it wasn’t my business, and I felt no need to prod at him about this open familial secret – but I wish he could have lived in the time that I do right now. Even with all its trials and tribulations. Despite all that… he had many admirers. Male and female. A real ladykiller. That did come with some stalking… he had a man who was highly interested in him try to sneak in through the dog door in his house. 🫣 even still, I can see where they’re coming from… he was a stud!
Speaking on my mother, my grandpa would move mountains for her. When we would go on our little beach excursion every year, he would go to our house and always fix something up or add some new fixture. I remember him totally redoing our kitchen, our bathroom, our dingy little porch in the back… we would be gone for a week max, so he would check on our animals and workshop. He still did this even in a damn recession. No cost, no questions, just love.
And the animals he had! He grew up on a farm with a slew of sisters and a few brothers, and he just always had something. He had these gorgeous salukis with my mom when she was growing up, and once he got his own house, he would always have his own dog and a crowd of stray cats that he would inevitably befriend. He even rescued a baby squirrel and raised it before trying to send it back into the wild – I think it stuck around in his backyard for the most part, still visiting him and climbing on his his shoulders. The animal who held his heart the most was Sam, a golden retriever my mom picked out herself and gifted him. He lived to about 8 or 9, but that was his soul animal.
Following Dean, the other loss that changed him was my mom. It’s almost been half a decade since she left, and I knew that broke him. His only daughter gone before 50 – what do you do? I don’t know. But he still kept my sister and I in mind, always, making sure we were set. He left us a house – the same house we all grew up in, with decades of work inside. All for my sibling and I to live comfortably. A house with the most beautiful backyard full of elephant ears, hydrangeas, tulips, pea pods. A backyard that I spent hours running around in, with a shed that’s got tools for days and a fully working kitchen. Somehow.
I don’t know where I’m really going with this. The fact that he spent so many of his final years making sure our family would be okay, to set up this level of comfort for us – I have been musing over it constantly these past few days.
Something I loved about him was how comfortable with silence he was. I would walk with him and his dog in the neighborhood as a child, rattling off sentences constantly, and he just nodded and listened. As I got older, I became quieter for a multitude of reasons. I remember just sitting in the yard while he did his work, never feeling pressure to talk – we didn’t need to. Taking in nature instead of forcing small talk. I never thought that I would miss not saying anything with him, because there’s so much I wish I could have asked him, even still. Though I regret not opening up more, I still look upon the quiet fondly. He appreciated it, and I appreciated him for it.
I’m going to miss him a lot. Understatement. Getting older has been very hard on me and I’m not even at a quarter of a century yet, lol. My heart is sore but I am eternally grateful for what he’s taught me and what he has left for our family to continue on with.
I will close this jumble of words with my favorite story about him. One day, circa early 70s, my grandpa calls out of work and tells his boss he’s sick. Really, he just wanted to take his daughter to the park with her mother/his spouse at the time. Conveniently, someone with the local paper is there and snaps a quick pic of the group after a brief chat.
The next day, he’s reading the paper, checking the weather for the week… and then he sees it:
I don’t know if his boss found out or if there were repercussions, but it’s still my favorite thing to recount. It’s just such a thing he would absolutely do. I love it.
No amount of words could properly sum up who he was, truthfully. He was one in a trillion, and I am grateful that I had the honor of being part of his time on Earth. I had a less-than-stellar childhood and upbringing at times, but he was always a safe space for me. It’s a high honor to be a man in my life with little flaw – he is one of the few I can bestow that upon. I can’t exaggerate just how much of a beacon of light he was in our lives.
I’m grateful that I was able to hold his hand as he transitioned, becoming free of the ailments that tried to rescind his independence. I will never know what waits for us after life, but I’d like to think that he is in some sort of heaven – adding a fresh coat of paint onto the pearly gates, dozens of animals and people eagerly awaiting his arrival. I know he’s back with the loves of his life, the ones he longed for from the moment they departed; his daughter, his Dean, and his Sam-bone. How beautiful and deserved that is for him, my Papa, to be free of decades-long grief. ❤️
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Do you have any pets?
GREAT QUESTION I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU
Yes, I have a dog. His name is Fondue, Duey for short. He is about to turn six and MY SON and I would kill/die for him.
Duey is a mix of some kind, we believe grey hound/lab/German shepherd. He is fast and barky, but also extremely nervous and easily spooked. He's a rescue and a trainer has told us that he was likely heavily abused as a puppy, which breaks my heart, but he's been with us most of his life and I think he is pretty happy overall.
His best quality is his snuggliness. If I sit on the couch, he will spring up and sprint from where ever he is sitting and will immediately lay down next to me, or on top of me. As I type this from my bed, he has his body crushed against mine and his head on my ankle.
There has been a very small amount of time over the course of my life that I haven't had a dog, either through the family or of my own. Growing up I had Cody, Jasmine, Spike, China (I have a tattoo of her, she was very special to me) and Squirt. And then there was my first dog that I adopted as an adult, Pogo.
When we rescued Pogo (or "Muppet" as we would some times call her)), we were told she was three! As a young couple, my then-fiance and I were looking to rescue a middle-aged dog, and we liked Pogo immediately, so we were willing to believe she was three. The rescue didn't know her age - she was found on the streets and likely lived there her whole life.
Realistically, we probably adopted her around age 13, but she was spry for her age. So spry that she was a masterful escape artist. Pogo tested us in many ways, climbing fences, slipping leads and getting away from dog sitters. Once, she got away and got hit by a car. She broke her leg, but I always wonder if the car faired worse. While her leg was still casted, she managed to jump onto the kitchen table from the floor. She required miles of walks each day, but she was also very affectionate. Whenever she got away, it was just a game. She always came back.
We had three wonderful and thoroughly interesting years with Pogo. She battled with a mysterious illness for a year before we realized it was a rare and difficult to treat lung cancer. Always terrified of the vet, treatment would have ruined the rest of her days, if it helped at all. So we made her comfortable until she told us it was time. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I've ever done. For a small dog, she still holds a huge place in my heart.
We adopted Duey about a month and a half after Pogo passed. It was two days before Christmas and we almost named him after Santa's reindeer due to his long bambi-like legs. We've had him for five years. He is the complete opposite of his older sister in many ways, but every once in a awhile we catch him doing one of her behaviors and feel like she somehow still living through him.
Anyway sorry to go on and on but I love my dogs so you unlocked an unskippable cutscene.
I also used to have a red-eared slider turtle named Destin that I absolutely adored. I wish I had pictures of him. When I left for college, my mother gave him away without telling me and I never saw him again. I hope to have another turtle someday.
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The neglect is so hard to come to terms with.
TWs for child abuse, trafficking mentions, alter talk, neglect, general spewing about it all, etc.
The neglect has been so hard to accept.
My mom divorced my bio dad when I was, what, 2 or 3? (Unfortunately, the abuse had started by then already, and every weekend he would take my sister and me to visit his parents, so that old lie I used to tell myself about how my dad was harmless really died a harsh death).
I grew up in a house with my mom, sister, maternal grandparents, sometimes an aunt, and my grandma babysat the neighbourhood's kids after school. She mostly paid attention to them.
I don't think anyone ever watched me. I think it was very easy for me to wander away from home. And I wanted to, often, because my maternal grandparents were abusive anyway. A lot of hiding in closets hoping not to be found. A lot of being hit and scared. So I spent a lot of time outside, just... roaming.
My mom was never around. I don't remember ever seeing her before school, and she would always get home late -- she was working and going to school. She just doesn't figure into my memory during that period at all, and she only shows up after she moved me and my sister into an apartment when I was 10 or 11. I remember everyone else, but my mom was mostly someone I saw in the evening and before bed.
My mom is convinced I was always home, never left the place, and couldn't have gotten up to much. My sister disagrees, she remembers a lot of the same things I do and the shit we'd get up to, so I have that confirmation. I was almost never home. I was almost always at someone else's place.
All the fucking time. And it made it so easy for... I don't know how to word this, I'm really struggling. I hate saying "for me to be preyed on" or something, but if the adults in my life were predators, then that's what fits, doesn't it? Prey.
I tried to run away from home so often, and when I brought this up with my mom, in a haha, remember when? way, she had no idea. Thought I'd just been kidding around, or something. The first time I always remembered (in that snapshot, crystal clear flashbulb way that always seems to mean Something Happened for us), I was 3 or 4 years old. I just walked out the front door and was determined to find a new family, or a pack of wolves to live with maybe, that'd've been fine! I didn't get far before a neighbour brought me back home. I was...
I typed "furious." I don't remember being furious. I remember being confused because I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there, and I was lost and scared suddenly. (Sometimes I write something and have to go like, oh, wow, Sacha was right, we really do have that DID-ass kind of DID.)
And I remember my aunt finding me in the ravine one night, years later, hiding under the leaves. She had her dog with her--one of those big fluffy german dogs she used in Search and Rescue. Finding me was a cakewalk. She promised to lie for me when we got home so I wouldn't get in trouble for getting lost, but I was trying to run away that time too. I don't remember how I got there, or why I was hiding.
I know my mom is just being defensive and really, I am not out to convince her of anything. She'll accept what she can, and I don't want to fight for the rest. But...
Where the fuck were the adults? Why was I allowed to spend so much time in other people's, other adults homes? My grandma was so busy watching every other kid in her "dayhome" that I went ignored. Any complaint I had, any injury, I was told I was lazy or bored or making it up for attention.
At some point I was so physically hurt I couldn't move off the couch and all she said was "growing pains" while finally offering me a heating pack. I was five, six years old. She's such a sweet old lady until... that stuff comes up. Anything about pain, it's like I wasn't allowed to be hurt in her eyes.
I always thought growing up in my grandparent's house wasn't so bad. But... the hiding in closets, the running away all the time, the screaming, the fear I felt just being home because someone would find some reason to lash out at me. Or ignore me, which was worse, because I'd start feeling like I wasn't real.
Why was I the only one around to care about me? Why did I do such a fucking bad job of it? If my dad hadn't hurt us first, would we have been able to stand up for ourselves? To do something other than forget all about it and do it again the next day?
The number one question I hear from people is always how my mom couldn't have known what was going on, but it's right there, isn't it. The answer's been the same all along. She wasn't there to see it. She didn't even have to pretend not to see it because she just was not there.
I guess I should be kinder to myself. We didn't do a bad job of taking care of us. We got through it alive. (And then there's a jab at the back of my brain about how it continued until 2018, though, so maybe we didn't do a great job!)
It is just a mess of feelings in here tonight.
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God I’m so excited about my life right now. The future is looking great. I wish I could tell this to my 18 year old self. She didn’t think she had any future at all. It’d be the only time she would be happy to be told she was wrong.
I would tell her that we ended up meeting our best friend in the hospital because she was brave enough to ask for help. I would tell her our friend John is alive because she wanted to stay in that night and write a chapter of her Avengers fanfic and she could call 911 for him. I would tell her that we convince her best friend Emily to leave a man who mistreated her and got her out of a cult.
I would tell her that we save the life of our coworker at our first job by advocating that something was wrong with her, and then say that she was having a heart attack and lived. I would tell her that we have an adopted adult daughter that we have adored for 6 years. I would tell her she rescued a small dog who looks at her like she’s a goddess. That we finally know what it feels like to not live in fear every day. That we love and take care of our self, and know who we are.
We made it, Kiddo. Life is worth living. Even with all of the losses you faced, with all the adversity, with every single insult hurled. You were strong enough not only to save yourself but you helped save others too, through simple acts of kindness. You grew from every mistake and bettered yourself. You owned up and stepped up every single time. And in reward for that, you saw so many new places, made so many new memories, and found so many new songs that you loved to be the soundtrack behind it all. You have become better than you ever dreamed you could be.
God, life is good.
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