WIP - Excerpt from "Secure Your Soul" (AU where Corpo V never leaves Arasaka)

From Chapter TBD - "Feed the Demon"

V wasn't sure how much time had passed, but as she started to regain lucidity, she became gradually aware of Johnny's voice in her head.

"I mean, for fuck's sake, V," Johnny was saying. "I've seen your memories. The things you've done for 'Saka. You've killed. Blackmailed. Ruined lives. And for what? Corporate rep? Profit margins? How do you live with yourself?"

V stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten here. The alley she was in was abandoned. Litter lined the sidewalk, and the street lamps were barely flickering. In a dark corner nearby, a stray dog was busy devouring a rat.

For a few seconds, V just watched it. Homeless dogs were a rare sight in Night City. This one was dark gray and half its left ear was missing. It looked lean and muscular, and it tore off chunks of its prize with a ferocity that domestic dogs almost never displayed.

"You see that?" She asked Johnny.

Johnny's physical image materialized in the alley. He leaned against the wall - appeared to lean, she reminded herself - and gazed at the dog. "See everything you see," he replied.

"You're looking. You're not seeing."

"That so? And what'm I supposed to be seeing?"

"The evolutionarily synchronized relationship between predator and prey."

Johnny looked up from the dog and stared at her. She could see the anger on his face, but she could also feel him manifesting that same anger inside her body. No matter. She'd make it hers. Anger was an emotion she could work with.

"You see one dog eating one rat," V continued, allowing some of Johnny's anger to seep into her voice, directing it back at him. "In your interpretation, there's one winner and one loser. It's accurate, in a way. The dog wins. Look at him. He's a survivor. Even you should be able to recognize that."

Johnny didn't answer. His image was looking away from her, eyes locked on the warring animals. But she could still feel him fuming. Only now it was hard to tell where his anger ended and hers began. She continued speaking.

"You don't see the bigger picture. For every dog having dinner tonight, dozens starve. For every rat providing the main meal, dozens get away. They're fast enough or clever enough to escape.

"Only the best dogs feed, only the best rats live. And because of this, over generations, both species improve. In the end, the prey species benefits just as much as the predator species does. And the world gets better."

"The world." Johnny repeated the phrase slowly. She tasted his revulsion on her tongue. "This world?" he asked. He gestured at the trash-strewn alleyway. The dog had finished its meal and had settled to sleep in a blanket likely left there before by a homeless person. "This is your brave new world?"

"No, Johnny," she responded, her voice echoing the revulsion he'd forced her to feel. "These are just the rats that got caught."

HC's for Abigail Roberts x Reader x John Marston

Most of these were written with a modern AU in mind but most could be read with a most canonical universe.

And...ughhh I just love these two, they're whole dynamic is just *Chefs kiss*

These are all SFW. It truly is just pure fluff down there.

Abigail is not a snuggler

John however will hug and squeeze you half to death if you snuggle with him.

You two could be a giant pile of limbs while Abigail's in her own little section of the bed all curled up.

John is a blanket hog. Abigail will constantly grumble about waking up with no blankets. 

Abigail is not a morning person but yet she likes to get up early and make John and you coffee. If you're also a morning person Abigail will find out what time you wake up and get up earlier than you.

John on the other hand would have fifteen alarms none of which wake him up. He has to be shaken to wake up. 

Abigail will constantly ask for help in the kitchen from you.

She's too afraid to take requests on what to make for dinner. She doesn't want to mess up and disappoint you two.

If you are a worse cook than her just having you there for emotional support will help.

John, if he's free, will drive you and/or Abigail anywhere. It's not that he thinks you're a bad driver (even if you are) he just wants to see you get there safely. 

I can't explain this one but John definitely wants to move to Australia

John likes to rub his beard/stubble onto ANY skin that is exposed, he loves your reactions.

He would do the same to Abigail but he learned the hard way she does not appreciate that. 

John constantly misplaces things. He'll ask you if you or Abigail have seen his keys or something and they'd be in his hand.

He would almost definitely play it off like “Yeah…I knew that”

When he's leaving the house he'll give Abi and you each a quick peck before leaving.

Abigail thrives off of eye contact. If she's talking to you and your eyes are on a book, phone, etc. she will grab your chin and make you look at her or will say your name over and over depending on how annoying she wants to be.

John sneezes like a freight train. Every time he sneezes in Abigail's presence she will look at you with the most shocked expression.

John loves to hold you both while you're sitting on the couch together. Loves to just wrap his arms around the two of you.

Abigail likes to lean against you or vice versa. 

She loves running her hands through your hair. 

One way to get her all flustered is to nuzzle your head or whole body into her.

Or just small acts of service. Brushing her hair, getting things ready for the day, helping with chores. It all just makes her feel so appreciated.

John is definitely a physical touch kind of guy. No words need to be said. Him just wrapping his arm around you or rubbing your shoulders is him saying he loves you.

He loves it if you initiate as well

John likes to go out and drink but Abigail is an angry drunk to everyone but you and John. John has to drink at home. 

You and John had to hold her back one time from going and attacking some dude for “looking at her funny.” 

Abigail definitely plans all birthdays, anniversaries, dates, etc. well in advance. 

If you bring flowers or chocolate for Abigail she will be extra sweet to you that day. Grabbing your hand, kissing your cheek, hugging you from behind 

If you get John something he will immediately go and get something for you. He'll be like “thank you…excuse me” then run to the store and pick up your favorite drink or something.

John uses coupons. I feel like he's one of the couponers who will buy all his items for the next week or so and only have to pay like two dollars. 

John is DEATHLY in love with you and Abigail and he will tell you two constantly about how much he loves you guys.

John is an 80’s music lover. He probably has like 50 band Tees

He's always 100% ready for someone to come up to him and ask “You're a fan? Name three songs”

He also likes Olivia Rodrigo but he will never admit that but you see the way he had to stop himself from singing to her songs

If you have a tough day Abigail will be there with you for as long as you need. She will stay up till 3 am if you need to vent. 

If either John or Abi see that you hurt yourself they will be all over you asking if you're okay even if it's a paper cut. 

If it's pretty bad John will try and kiss it better but if Abigail sees him doing that and it's not cleaned and bandaged then she will slap him in the back of the head and tell him to wait and that it's unsanitary. 

John is the least organized man. He gets pulled over and needs to find his registration? He is digging through his glove box pulling out the most random things. 

Abigail on the other hand? She is a woman who likes organization. She constantly gets at John and you if something is unorganized/messy. She will ask you and John to clean it up.

John is a romantic when he wants to be. Loves kissing your knuckles. 

Abigail is a very Do-it-yourself kind of woman. A button pops off of you or John's shirt? Boom mended. A door hinge squeaky? Boom, she bought WD-40.

If there's something she doesn't know how to fix she makes you or John figure it out. She will help of course. She definitely hates calling professionals 

John and you have to team up during board games if you have ANY chance of beating Abigail.

John is a Car enthusiast 

If something is wrong with your car he will fix it immediately.

If he sees someone on the side of the road he will pull over and ask if they need help with their car.

Just think about it, Abigail is a Black cherry lover. Loves the scent, loves the taste, loves the actual cherry.

John is the kind of guy who LOVES spicy food but also can't handle spice at all. Very low spice tolerance on this man. 

It's a ritual to watch TV before bed with them. You and John will whine and pout at Abigail until she finally comes to snuggle with you two. She will act all grumpy but you two know that she secretly loves it

SPOILERS!

Thoughts on the awakening movie

Ok so I have thoughts, not very organized thoughts but thoughts nonetheless

1) why was Marinette’s voice actress when she was singing SO DIFFERENT from her speaking one??? It took me out of the movie every single time.

2) there were too many songs and the fact that none of them were Ce mur qui nous separe is heartbreaking. At the third Marinette song I was rolling my eyes. Plus they all felt pretty same-y and I didn’t think any of the, were particularly good.

3) the scenes felt SO disjointed! Like they had some cool storyboards but weren’t quite sure how to join them together.

4) the whole story felt kinda like that to me, like they couldn’t quite explore all the elements they wanted to include and relies a lot on the fact that we already know (and love) the characters, like if it was my first approach to the universe I’d feel like the movie was rushed and shallow.

5) on a more positive note the animation was incredibly beautiful, a few characters felt a little too baby faced but the lighting and textures really made this very pretty to look at.

6) what was Gabriel’s villain song? It’s like they had an interesting idea but they just couldn’t deliver (which unfortunately rings true for most of the movie)

7) related to Marinette and her many many songs was her character arc, it felt kinda all over the place, like her whole “gotta face my fears” lesson was learned like three different times and not once in a fulfilling way.

8) Alya was kinda mean at the beginning? Did anyone else feel that way?

9) Tikki’s rap was SO CRINGE and the bit in Hawkmoth’s song where he gets a hat and poses un a rap-y way was so weird as well. Like come to think of it they were probably referencing “friends in the other side” but it only makes this song seem way worse by comparison.

10) the movie had serious issues with its rhythm and pacing, with the whole story but also in every scene.

11) kinda related to that but their mouths sometimes would not move with the dialogue? At first I assumed it was because it was made for French first but I could very clearly read their lips in English just not in sync with the sound.

12) the kwamis (genies in this movie apparently, ugh) were characterized in such a weird way, it was like trying to be Tikki but not quite getting there. I did enjoy when she got all wide eyed and musterious, it kinda goes with her being super old and powerful.

13) Plagg??? Being mostly just a fart joke??? 0/10

14) that and Chat feeling so unimportant.

15) Chat also fell in love way to fast, and like it didn’t feel genuine? Like they barely knew each other and Marinette wasn’t like particularly impressive yet for him to be fawning over her.

16) after the little montage tho? I loved their dynamic and relationship, and I really liked their little fight on the roof

17) the movie was sprinkled with little scenes and moments that were enjoyable and well crafted, but even if they were emotional moments they just didn’t feel earned and were kinda buried under a bunch of mid scenes.

18) I did like that Hawkmoth was dealt with in the spam of one movie, 11/10 much more realistic for his abilities than 5 seasons.

19) most of the jokes didn’t land because the timing of them was so weird, like long pauses or they were delivered too fast.

In general there were some bits that I enjoyed and the animation was obviously gorgeous (even if the pacing brought it back a bit) but maybe I had too much hype but I was disappointed. Still I’m certainly inspired to try some fan art and will save stills from the movie cause they were so beautiful.

I probably didn’t make a lot of sense but I needed to get everything out there!

P.S. HOW COULD THEY CUT JUST BEFORE THE KISS?!! UGHHH!!!

Hidden Powers

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Abuse allegations, Swearing, Mild melancholy

Genre: Humor, SLIGHT Angst, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic) - Sorry the genres are all over the place

Summary: A misconception or misunderstanding turned rumor threatens to bring down Corpse’s entire career, but luckily, Y/N knows better than to stand aside and let it happen.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so sorry for the long wait but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the fic if you happen to come across it. Love, Vy ❤

“Fuck this game!“ Y/N yells out in frustration as she is met with the screen informing her of her failure - aka death - for the fifth time in the past hour. “Has anyone ever even passed night four? I’m sure the king of FNAF Markiplier has but I’m also sure he hasn’t done it one a livestream! And my big mouth really had to go ahead and swear not to end this stream until I pass this God forsaken night, ughhh!“

Typically, Y/N’s quite the fearful rat when playing horror games, especially when home alone like right now, but this FNAF game has gradually turned her into a raging gamer instead. Not raging as in kicking ass at the game but as in the game kicking the ass of her sanity. She’s been struggling with this specific night for a while - the better half of her previous stream and an hour into today’s. Well, seeing how little progress she’s making with each try, it’s gonna be way more than an hour into today’s livestream as well. She’ll be lucky if she manages to get past it before hitting the three hour mark or just rage quitting which she’s bound to do eventually if her gameplay keeps going at this rate.

Another try later, she’s once again jumpscared into a failure screen that’s practically mocking her at this point. Throwing her arms above her head, Y/N sighs heavily, the frustration she’s harboring becoming more and more evident in her body language. “You know what, I need a break. Lemme see what you guys are saying in the chat.”

Scrolling through comments upon comments greeting her, sending her compliments and some trolling her with some hateful remarks she comes across a question which makes her brows furrow. That same question is repeated by a few other people but they fly by so quickly she doesn’t manage to catch the people’s usernames.

“A bruise on my arm? Where?“ She says out loud as she inspects both her arms, looking for what her chat had been talking about. That’s when her eyes eyes land on the purple mark on the skin just above her right elbow. She laughs, “Oh this? I know I’m a clumsy person but Corpse is to blame for this one.“

Little does the girl know, her boyfriend, who’s currently in his own apartment instead of camping out at hers, is watching this very stream, laughing his ass off remembering how that bruise came to be.

His laughter is cut short though when he catches glimpse of Y/N’s chat which suddenly floods with concern from her fans - assumptions and allegations of him being an abusive boyfriend starting to pollute the previously cheerful comment section. His stomach turns, for many reasons, each reason making it tighten in a worse and more painful knot. 

The first blow comes from people actually coming up with such a thing. How could they even allow their minds to wander to such a dark and disgusting place where he’d be even remotely an abuser.

The second blow to his heart is delivered by the fact that people believed it. How and why could people believe such an absurd idea?! How low did these people think of him? What kind of piece of shit did he come off as to some people?

And the third is the mental image the idea gives him. It’s such a fucked up scene, he can’t even conjure it up, he can’t mentally picture it. Hell, he could and would never even raise his voice at Y/N. He’d never dare upset her or hurt her feelings let alone hurt her....like that!

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!“ Y/N’s gasp reaches him as though it was meant to fish him out of the downward spiral he started going down with these overwhelmingly dark thoughts, “What’s with this nonsense some of y’all are spewing in the chat?!“ She sounds downright angry and irritated, ready to fight whoever will continue spreading these rumors about her lovely boyfriend whom she absolutely adores. “Guys, I mean, seriously?! Do you have any idea what you’re talking about and WHO you’re talking about? Do we have the same Corpse in mind here? I doubt we do - you have some villainized, abusive version, and I have the loving boyfriend who tried to teach me how to handle a lightsaber so we can have a lightsaber fight and my dumbass used my own weapon against me. Yeah, I was pretty salty Corpse laughed his heart out while I was cringing in pain, but man, you guys take it farther than the farthest.“ Seeing his sweet, kind and non-confrontational girlfriend who always avoids conflict at all costs turn into this protective lioness because someone is talking shit about him is heartwarming and scary at the same time. “Y’all better shut the hole where these fucked up rumors surfaced from before you get one of the most innocent, loving and caring individuals in hot water for the BS you came up with! Copy? You better.“

Corpse has never in his entire life seen the topic of a stream chat change so quickly, the rumor never once getting brought up again.

That’s some serious power right there - power he never knew Y/N possessed because of her cute and soft exterior. Now he knows what kinda beast of a woman he’s dating - one prepared to do anything to protect him, no matter who from. And damn does that make him feel emotional and loved despite the shit that just happened. She can make him forget all the bad within the blink of an eye - that too is another superpower of hers, but this one he’s known about from the very start.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo

In a Week

Part 1/4 - A storm blows into town

(Frankie “catfish” Morales x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: a drive down to a friends wedding gets complicated when you fail to head a warning.

Authors notes: Hello! Another fic cause it keeps snowing here and I’m SICK OF IT but wouldn’t mind it if I was stuck with Frankie💕. Anyways hope you enjoy as always comments are welcome but be nice!

TW: mentions of dead sibling (war related), swearing, mentions of a toxic relationship (based off of personal experience)

Tagged list: @agingerindenial

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~There was nothing worse than a February wedding, well at least one that took place in the frigid northern temperatures you were currently residing in. So you were eternally grateful that your best friend Stella had chosen to have hers down in sunny south Carolina where she had just accepted her first permanent hospital position. She was marrying her first love, a fact you’d usually cringe at but, they were extremely cute together. Stella had met Genevieve through her brothers Will and Benny, well more specifically Will, who had drunkenly run his head through a window one night. This incident resulted in two things, first a nickname that would stick with Will for the rest of his life and a late night call to Stella asking her to come down to the hospital to pick him up. The boys had put Stella down as their emergency contact in an effort to keep their antics hidden from their parents who they knew would only worry. The nurse patching up her idiot brother was none other than Genevieve who was working through her university's clinical course, and the rest? Well, the rest was history

You’d met Genevieve, as well as Will and Benny, sporadically throughout the 8 years you had roomed with Stella, first during your undergraduate degree at Boston University and then again at Stanford while attending medical school. You’d choses Stella as a roommate without much thought, but after just a few weeks together you were inseparable up until the day that you were assigned to your residency. You were slightly jealous when you found out that she would be spending the next four years in the warm embrace of Carolina (and Gen) while you would be living alone throughout the freezing Chicago winters. The pagne of jealousy didn’t last long though, Chicago med was your first choice after all. So here you were, in the last year of residency and in the middle of a brutal -20 degree winter, preparing to drive the 13 hours down to watch Stella get married. You’d considered flying but you knew how fickle airplanes could be in the winter and the last thing you wanted was a delayed flight because a door had frozen shut. Your friends had tried to convince you that driving down alone was far too dangerous a venture and none were more concerned than Santiago Garcia.

You’d known Santiago your whole life. Him being your brother's best friend resulted in him spending a lot of, some may argue too much, time at your house throughout both your childhoods. Your brother, Parker, was 8 years your senior, an age gap that often resulted in an argument over which one of you was the accident. An argument which usually ended with an agreement that in all likelihood you both were. Every summer from before you were born to the time they left for the military the two boys were a constant presence in your life. Hell, even after he left you’d watched him grow as he passed through your household over Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. One thing was for sure, if Parker was there Satiago Garcia wasn't far behind. He was also there the day you received the news that your brother had gone MIA and he was by your side at the funeral, as you watched the commanding officer hand your mother the flag your brother had died for. After the funeral, life continued to move on around you as did everyone else. You always found it funny how quickly you were supposed to recover from loss, apparently a week was long enough to get over it. At least according to the university and your employers who had started calling with empty condolences that quickly led to the real reason they were calling. Always wanting to know when you’d be coming back. After your brother's passing, Santiago took over his role of big brother to you. He read over your med school applications, scared off potential boyfriends and got all the embarrassing video footage of you at your graduations. He was a permanent fixture in your life, one you hoped you’d never lose. Even now as he continued to blow up your phone in an attempt to sway you from driving up alone, you were thankful for him. Over the past 5 days he sent you lengthy lectures in the form of voice messages and a slew of articles detailing the statistics of winter related accidents. His name pops up on your screen as does a picture you’d taken one night after he'd passed out drunk and you’d stuffed cheetos up his nostrils, an act he has yet to forgive you for. You contemplate ignoring the call, but knowing you were about to go radio silent for the next 8 hours you decide to pick it up.

"Hey Santi what’s up?" you ask, as you half heartedly spread cream cheese onto a poorly toasted bagel.

"Have I ever told you how much I value your friendship?” Even over the phone you could hear the layers of charm he was currently plastering on.

"What do you want?" you say, tossing the knife into the sink.

"Hey! Who says..." he starts, but you don't let him finish.

"Santi I've known you long enough to know your ‘please I need something’ tone by heart" you laugh.

"Okay well I still value you, but ya I absolutely need a favour" Santiago admits.

"Shoot." you say taking a bite of the bagel.

"I need you to pick up a friend of mine, his flight got cancelled. He's in Chicago at the moment, can you drive him down to the wedding?"

"Ughhh are you kidding me Santi? I’m just about to leave" you say through a half chewed mouthful.

"Please! He’s a great guy, Gen wants him at the wedding, he was in basic with us, so a frequent visitor to the hospital. He's usually pretty quiet so you won’t have to spend that much time making small talk, which I know you hate." He pleaded. For anyone else a last minute change like this would have gotten a laugh, and nothing more, but this was Garcia, and you knew he’d do anything for you, so you’d do this for him.

“Fine” you begrudgingly agree “text me his number, I'm heading out in 40 minutes so he'll have to wait at the airport for a bit" you say, finishing your breakfast.

"You’re a godsend! Seriously, what would I do without you?" He chuckles.

"Nothing good i'm sure, besides I figure I probably owe you like, 1000 favours after you

know....'' the phone goes quiet. Five years later and it still stung like it was yesterday, for you both. He was your family, but he was Santiago’s best friend, you knew the loss was equally as devastating for him. You also knew he'd been having a particularly hard time recently, after what he termed a mission gone wrong a few years back. Every time you'd ask about it he’d shut you down harshly refusing to share any details with you.

"You don’t owe me anything. We're family. Thank you for driving him. I owe you a drink at the wedding!" He responds, back to his chipper self. If it wasn’t for the silence he may just have convinced you that he really was doing fine. You toss the phone on the counter and rub your temples mentally rearranging your entire itinerary for the day. You'd already rifled through the gym bag that was constraining way more clothes than you’d need for the week. Everything you needed was there from bathing suits to your wedding outfit to the special lingerie you’d packed in case you ran into an old flame. If by in case you meant, for when you ran into him. You don’t know how but he’d gotten invited to the wedding reception. Stella hated the guy, so it must have been through Genevieve who likely would have felt bad excluding him, even if he was only a friend of a friend.

You’d met Jonathan in your undergrad and you had been together throughout various points in your life, though never in any official sense. He’d made that evidently clear to you at any opportunity he got. He kept you on a short leash, a retainer if you will. Only coming to you between relationships with women that he deemed worthy enough to be his girlfriends. You knew it was toxic, and your friends constant reminders of how unhealthy it was didn’t fall on deaf ears. The way he would use you and lose you always ended with you being an unstable and emotional wreck, only solidifying his claims of you being crazy. You hated it, the way he made you feel so small, but he held this strange power over you. A power not even you could explain. His redeeming qualities could only be found in the bedroom, he was the best you’d ever had, so you forgave his shitty personality. Always gravitating back towards him, restarting the cycle. You knew what it meant to do the same activity over and over expecting different results, but this was different. At least that's what you told yourself, as you’d traced your hands over the lingeries lace that morning, knowing it was bought for a man who would never appreciate it.

Brushing all thought of him aside for the time being you grab the duffle off the floor and sling it over your shoulder. Walking out into the cold February air you watch as your breath transforms into a small cloud in front. Your chest hurts and nose hairs freeze as you inhale, tossing your bag into the back seat before leaning into the car and starting it up. The engine sputters for a moment before breaking out into a loud rumble, maybe it was a good thing someone else would be in the car with you after all. You jog back inside to your townhouse and grab the cooler where you’d stored the snacks and sandwiches you’d prepared for the road, now realizing it likely wouldn’t be enough to feed two people. Tossing on your winter jacket you lock the door behind you and slide your sunglasses down over your eyes shielding them from the afternoon sun as you make your way into your car.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You pull up to the departure gate still cursing at the idiot who had almost smashed into you while they were going the wrong way down a one way street. You hated driving in the city and you couldn’t wait to get out on the open road, even if it was going to be with a total stranger. You find yourself second guessing your decision to drive down state with someone you’d never met. In all reality, even if Santi was vouching for him, he could be a serial killer, plenty of people had nice things to say about Ted Bundy before he got caught.

You shake off the nervous feeling taking over your body, deciding to put your faith in your friends judgment, at least for now. Worse comes to worse you had a pocket knife stowed within reach. As long as he didn’t complain about any playlists or podcasts and understood your need for complete silence from time to time, you’d get on just fine. Besides it was only a 13 hour drive, and you could put up with anything for 13 hours.

You open up your phone and pull up the conversation you and Santiago had been having, scrolling up until you see the contact he’d sent you which read “ Catfish”. You click on it hoping to get the guys real name as a result but no luck, you should have asked Garcia for more information about this “Catfish” guy. You click on the number opting to call, not wanting to waste time wondering if he’d gotten the text you’d sent. The phone rings a few times before you hear someone pick up.

"Catfish?" you say, less confident in yourself than you had been dialing.

"In the flesh, who's this?" the deep voice responds.

"Your ride, Santiago’s friend" you offer, hoping that this wasn't some elaborate prank.

"Oh shit ya, Pope told me you’d be later than you said. I'm still downstairs" he says.

"Of course he did the little shit" you mutter, causing Catfish to laugh "Im outside now, departures second floor"

“I'll be out in a second" he says, hanging up the phone before you can say anything else.

You plug your phone back into the aux setting it back to the playlist you’d made last night during another bout of insomnia. You're checking your email to see if anything came up from the hospital when a tap at the window causes you to jump. As you look over you see the man who must be “Catfish” gently tapping on the glass. You unlock the door, popping the trunk as you slide out the driver's seat.

“You can put your bags back here. Fuck!" you exclaim when you trunk won’t open, likely having frozen shut again.

"Here" he says dropping his bag on the salted pavement and heaving up on the trunk freeing it from its icy constraints with a relative ease causing him to smile down at you.

"I loosened it" you say defensively, as he tosses his bag in the back still grinning when he

slams the trunk shut.

"Fransico Morales, though most people just call me Frankie" he says as you sit back down in the driver seat rubbing your hands together to warm them and applying some chapstick.

"Y/N, nice to meet you Frankie, seat warmers are here, use as your leisure. There are snacks in the back, but no touching the phone.” you rattle off.

“Aye aye captain” he responds, saluting you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Santiago was right, Frankie was quiet. He offered you little in conversation or any noise at all really. You’d only heard him laugh maybe twice, once while listening to a podcast episode and then again when Britney Spears made her appearance on your soundtrack. "What? She’s America's sweetheart" you say trying to sound offended, but smiling when you notice his lopsided grin. You’d attempted to open up a dialogue with him a few times, but his one worded responses told you all you needed to know, so you stopped forcing it. It wasn’t a hostile environment, it was more of a comfortable silence one that you usually only found in people you had known for years. The silence gave you an opportunity to study the man’s features, glancing away from the road every now and then to slowly piece together his profile. You had pegged him as attractive the second his face had appeared in your passenger window, but it wasn't until now that the details that made him so could be seen; relatively tall, tanned skin, soft curls, deep brown eyes. Glancing over again you notice a concerned look spread across his face.

"What?" you ask, nervous that you’d creeped him out with your excessive, and not so subtle staring.

"Storms coming our way" he says, nodding up at the darkening sky.

"We’re not supposed to get snow for another week, I checked” you reassure.

"Things change" he says

" Sky’s clear, so we don’t stop for another 3 hours" you say, definitively.

" Your funeral, well mine as well I guess" he chuckles, earning him an icy glare from you.

“It's nothing, trust me” you affirm, confident in your ability to read a weather app.

" No one likes a know-it-all" he mutters still grinning.

"Could you help me with something" you ask smiling sweetly

"Sure" he responds, eager to help.

"Pull up the map and show me when I asked for your opinion"

"Eyes on the road” he says, causing your grip to tighten around the wheel.

Well crow wasn’t your favourite food to eat, but here you were eating it. Turns out Frankie was right. A storm was heading your way and it hit hard and fast. You’d managed to make it to a hotel off the freeway just as it came into full effect. What had started as a very pleasant road trip had quickly soured when you refused to apologize for not heading his warning. This paired with the 6 hours you had already driven had left you both irritable so much so that Frankie was now refusing to be any use in respect to figuring out what your next move was going to be.

"Hi" you say to the equally tired looking receptionist. Apparently, every other person travelling through Illinois had also missed the memo about the storm and were now all stuck at the same hotel.

"Hi, so sorry for the wait" she says, forcing a smile in a way that you recognized from your retail days.

"No need to apologize! What are the odds you have any rooms available?" you ask rubbing your eyes in an attempt to keep them open.

"Let me check, we have one... suite left on the... fourth floor” she says after a few moments of typing away into the computer.

"Perfect we’ll take it." you say, tapping your credit card to the machine. You walk back over to Frankie who was sitting with the bags and hand him a room key. He exhales deeply, not looking up from his phone as he takes it from you.

"There was only one room left so we’ll have to share" you say.

"Fine," he says, standing up, grabbing his bag and heading over to the elevator not bothering to wait for you. You watch as the elevator doors open and close behind him. Sure maybe it was your fault that you were stuck in this situation, but that was pretty rude. You push your way into the room after struggling with the key for a moment. Frankie must have been eager to get to sleep, or at least eager to not converse with you as he’d wasted no time in unpacking his bag and getting ready for bed. Your eyes move from the clothes on the floor, to the suit hung up in the closet, to the closed bathroom door. You hear the toilet flush and watch the door open as you drop your bag down onto the living room floor, grabbing the toiletries out of your bag's side pocket. You were far too tired to wrestle down to your pyjamas so you opted to stay in the leggings and sports bra you’d been wearing all day. Yes it was gross, but you couldn't be bothered to change at this point. Your eyes follow Frankie as he exits the bathroom in a green cotton t-shirt and a pair of plaid boxer shorts. You continue to watch as he plugs his phone in and shifts beneath the covers. Guess you were on the floor then. The couch was far too small, and you really weren't trying to break your neck sleeping on its arm rest.

"Pass me a pillow" you huff, as you grab a glass from the nightstand, turning back around to fill it up with water from the sink.

Why?" he asks, watching you take a sip from the overfilled cup.

"So I can sleep on the floor." you state, as if it was obvious.

“No, I’ll do that, you can have the bed" he says shifting up and pushing the blankets off himself. He hadn’t realized you were so averse to sharing a bed with him, but you had just met so he guessed it was fair enough.

"I’m not the one with the bad back old man" you state, the words sounding a lot harsher than you’d intended, but you were younger and thus more likely to recover.

"Fair point, but you’re not sleeping on the floor. Santi wouldn’t allow it. We can put up a pillow barrier between us if that would make you feel more comfortable" he offers, any hostility you had felt from him earlier now turned to tenderness. In all honesty, you hadn’t realized that sharing the bed was an option.

"I need two to sleep with so no point in making a barrier" you say, begrudgingly placing the glass back down on the nightstand "Shift" you say, fanning your hand.

"No" he says looking you dead in the eye "I got here first" he’s grinning slightly, further indicating he’d gotten over his anger from earlier. You could have just walked around to the other side, but for some unknown reason you don’t. Instead, you swing your leg over him pushing yourself up onto the bed, straddling him for the briefest moment before rolling over to the other side.

"Couldn’t have just walked around?" he chuckles

"Couldn’t have just shifted over?" you parrot back, moving onto your back, closing your eyes and dozing off.

EPISODE 2 - “Landen’s Going Home” - Emma

Billy's back! If we lose I am screwed heavily, though I do think there's a chance. Slide puzzles aren't my thing, so hoping for the best out of this.

Kathy, I'm voting for you. Bailey had a good excuse for not doing the challenge, and I haven't heard anything from you, whatsoever. Hate to say it, but your ass is grass, pal. 

i'm gonna be a lazy bitch and do a written confessional this round bc i look too ugly for a video. so, basically after the events that transpired last round, jordan came begging at my feet for my forgiveness after lying to me about the vote. he doesn't realize that i knew what he was doing before the fact thanks to sammy, so i just played along and acted like i didn't know and told him that i understood his perspective and understand him lying to me. but believe me, a bitch never forgets being lied to. like, if he can so easily lie to me this early in the game, how am i supposed to trust him going forward? i guess it doesn't really matter because he's he easy boot if we happen to lose again before a swap. but i think i did a good job of making him feel like i wasn't mad so that he will trust me in the event of a swap or if we lose again he won't vote me. also, i'm pretty confident that both sammy and caeleb consider me their closest ally. they both tell me about their findings in the village so i'm getting two people per round telling me where not to go, so that's super helpful. i could see the three of us going far but i'm sure that the two of them will go for each other eventually, especially if they are both competing to have me be their number one. i'm fine with it tbh. sammy also got a vote block from the village. so now he has an idol that lasts for two more tribals, and a vote block lasting for one more tribal. so definitely think sammy is of more use to me at the moment especially since he has all of these advantages. my tribe won immunity this round which is nice. i'm glad i can just relax and not worry about a tribal. i hope we can keep winning until a swap bc i think all 3 people left on my tribe could be of use to me. also fuck connor, he told everyone at the arena that me and caeleb have a premade, as if we even knew each other before this game. someone is bitter that he couldn't make relationships and was first boot. so im sure that information is spreading around and i should probably worry about that. but oh well, i'm just gonna focus on winning for now! woo go me.

Alright, so here we are, the first loss of the 2020 Tumblr Olympics.   Sure, we may have had the Silver medal bonus for that challenge, but the tribe just isn't suited I guess towards slide puzzles, and plus Bailey was busy so wasn't able to compete like we had hoped.  It's all good though, as I always say that life comes before an online game, so nothing but respect.  Anyways, I formed a three person alliance with Beck & Ben, basically as far as I am aware, us three are the most active on the tribe, and really only ones that talk much on the tribe, so basically they are the only two I really connected with enough to be able to put my trust in, just hopefully this alliance all works out for now.   Then in terms of this vote, I feel it will be Kathy going, as she just doesn't seem all too dedicated towards the game/is a little inactive, and not talking really to anybody, so even though I do like Kathy, just inside this game, at least at this stage of the game, we need tribe strength, and she just isn't going to be putting that through whilst not being as active as others.   Anything can happen though, and there is still the arena yet so who knows, the person voted out of this tribe could end up coming back with a gold medal.

i'm pretty sad that my tribe is going to tribal but at the same time i'm confident i won't be leaving, mostly because 2/5 of our tribe members aren't very active. i also have this alliance with ben and darcy now which seems like a strong trio, so even though we lost immunity it could be a LOT worse. unfortunately the downside is that if we're voting out kathy (which is most likely) she's probably too inactive to do the arena challenge, so we're not gonna get any medals in the arena... but that's alright i suppose, we just have to work hard for the next one. if ben can't participate in the next immunity challenge i feel like our tribe is gonna be in a really tough spot. but i'm praying for the best anyway.

Not gonna lie, slide puzzles are awful for immunity challenges, especially if the RNG is manipulated just right. There's a way to solve them correctly every time, but to do it in the minimal number of moves requires that everything go your way in terms of luck. I'll take the L, but I am not happy. 

i’m honestly so frustrated that emma didn’t even submit but! she’s such a sweetheart that i felt really awful voting to get her out, but that was just a lil. hm. also apparently i’m close to her now? so that was inch resting to hear. thank u billy

Landons going home 

my truth is that i keep forgetting check my skype and i want my teammates to glock me and vote me out 

Even with the gold medal I won, we still somehow end up going to tribal. Tell me, HOW THE FUCK DO WE MANAGE TO DO SOMETHING LITERALLY SO ASTRONOMICAL?! It drives me mad how we had such a big advantage...christ. Anyway, a few things I'm thinking about heading into tribal. A) Everyone voted me last time, so I'm playing this one a little more no holds barred. B) I'm thinking about what's the biggest advantage to me whether the person I vote out comes back or fucks off into 24th place. C) I couldn't care less about how we're doing in challenges at the moment. I want people who'll be loyal to me, and in return people that I can put my faith in. Right now, that's Emma and Emma only. However, she didn't participate in the challenge, so it's a little bit of an awkward situation. I know that Landen, can be an extremely good player UTR heading later into the game, and to be honest I feel like he's a bit shady. So, adios to him. I get Emma and Juls vote, and Jacob if he cares enough, easy done. I'm 99% sure tribal will go my way tonight, here's to hoping the odds are in my favour!

I am now apparently a swing vote somehow someway. Landen or Emma goes. I would prefer to vote out neither of them, but hey, I could end up going to. Were you expecting something better? nah. Five player tribes SUCK. Billy and Landen are battling for control of the tribe. I kindof like that battle to continue. Plus I trust Landen, kindof. If Juls is voting Landen, I vote Landen because there's no point. If Juls votes Em, then I vote Em. If Juls doesn't respond before the vote, uh, we'll see. I think she'd be more likely to vote out Landen, but like idk. EIther way, none of these people are me, and I am a number to anyone involved. Mission success? I just need to challenge beast a little bit more.

Ughhh I don't want to be making this confessional right now. Hardly anything has changed since the last time I went to tribal, in terms of my annoyance with the team. We were SO close to winning, we almost had it, and we could've gotten it if Emma had just SUBMITTED. I actually really like her too so it's really frustrating that she does this but I can't justify keeping her when she just.... didn't submit. Not only that but she never apologized, commented on it, or anything. Like that's just plain disrespectful. So I'm wanting to vote her out. Unfortunately I feel like Juls is way too close with her, their bond is dangerous and Juls probably feels like she has to work with Em because they are some of the only girls in the gay-infested ORG community so they just feel a natural connection from that, and they are similar in other ways as well. I definitely feel like those two being as close as they are will be dangerous to me tonight and I know for a fact my name was going around, too. I heard about that from Jacob and it's not surprising at all they would throw my name out. The danger is they could abuse Billy, and they know it. They're definitely trying to get me voted out, and they're definitely trying to use Billy as a number to do it. Which is absolutely ridiculous since they were the first ones to throw his name out and push for it, but oh well. A snake's a snake, and I'm going to try and chop this one's tail off. Notice I said the tail because Emma is literally useless and does absolutely nothing and she's lucky Juls is tryna carry her through this. I'm pressedt. I definitely know I'm in danger and it's like, whatever. If I go in, I'm fine, I can presumably make my way out of the arena and back to the game where I can wreak havoc and be righteously emotional because taking me, the person who got the best score and has been making the most effort to actually talk to people on this deadbeat fucking tribe, out, in Round 2, is kinda just psychotic. I'm absolutely livid and I just... Ugh, it has not been the best week and this game is just starting off so slow and I hate my tribe SO much like it's literally disgusting. I used to hate the One World Twist and I still do as a concept, but thank GOD for it being in this one because I can only tolerate my tribe thanks to being able to talk to people from the other tribes like Jacob, Sammy, Caeleb, etc. I just want this round to be over with and to stop losing for just a few rounds. whew that's all i have to say fuck emma for throwing this 

So I survived tribal! That's great! I was really hoping it wasn't going to be like a permanent red mark against my record. I obviously had a plan for if I did go into the arena, and I figured I would survive, but I'm really glad I don't have to have that permanent scratch on my Tumblr Survivor Record now, and hopefully that makes the endgame easier to navigate. You have to consider things like the FTC early in seasons like these because of the one World Twist and the Arena twist. Both totally impact whether the jury will vote for you, and so it's important to be thinking far more ahead than one usually thinks in Survivor. I'm honestly SHOCKED that I survived tribal tonight, I was 100% Juls and Billy were voting for me, but I'm really glad it happened. I think this confirmed my loyalty with Billy, but in tribal I did come off passive aggressive and honestly, they can deal with it. I wanted to be slightly entertaining but still try to sound rational and sane in where I was coming from, hopefully I accomplished like that? Like I was just so frustrated that my name was in genuine consideration, from what *I* had heard. Like... why the fuck? I got the highest score in the challenge, offered to do flag and did chant for the other team, Emma did nothing both times, it was obvious she should've been the vote. And I'm really happy all the tribe came around with that. I'm really happy I can appreciate loyalty from the people I've grown to like on this tribe. I think I can count on Jacob as a number, and as far as Juls and Billy go, I love those two man. They are great people and I love talking to them. The only issue I have with this tribe is everyone is quiet and shaky and on such a small tribe, everyone gives indefinite answers and it makes things fucking awkward and paranoia runs rampant as you saw tonight. I'm just happy to be safe, have numbers, and be out of the damn Arena. That being said, this tribe is still too tiny and with a possibly furious Emma coming back to exact revenge (and I know she has a lovely heart and personality so I'm definitely expecting her to win over an army) I want to swap out of here as fast as possible so I can begin building my own path to a glimmering throne. 

He’s not as good at challenges as billy, and I’m close with juls and Jacob so I’m not voting them, and billy is immune And everyone is voting with me in theory except landen Next round I’m hoping we don’t go to tribal lol 

This tribe kindof hates each other. Landen and Billy are distrustful of each other. Emma and Landen are also distrustful. Juls and Landen and Emma and Billy are pairs if we want to go that far. I am good with Emma and Landen, Emma slightly less so now, but I did help her out quite a bit. I'm playing both sides pretty well, let's see how far that'll get me, cause I need to be incredibly careful. Juls is also viewed as a greater swing vote, so if both sides-ing does come back to bite us, it should bite Juls before me. Hopefully Emma comes back.

so round two has been a bit better, i think ive repaired all my relationships on my tribe and even managed to stand out in the challenge so maybe they think theyll need me and keep me around. Long story short i think I have longevity for now, but to be completely honest the longer this twist is in the game where once im voted out i just have to beat somoene in a challenge to get back like, im not overly concerned

Just wanted to ask HOW WERE WE ABLE TO WIN IMMUNITY WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A MEDAL?!?!?!?!?!? *cackling* Also Connor getting voted out is what he gets for saying in the main chat to vote me out. <3 u Connor <3 

Chloe’s Vulnerability & Emotional Journey

(In Defense of Chloe Decker Part 2)

So it’s official, Chloe & Cain are dating, or have been for a wk or 2. For clarity’s sake I’m not counting the Axara concert as a “date”. Nor the alluded to “dinner date” at the end of 3x18. As far as what’s been shown on screen, they’ve only been on one date. And things seem to be moving along quite normally for these two. Or as normal as can be when Chloe is using the relationship to mask her unresolved feelings for Lucifer. While Cain sees & exploits her emotional vulnerability & uses it as a means to an end.

Same Amenadiel, same... I know, it’s A LOT to take in. But don’t worry we can get through this. Just a forewarning, things may get salty. I’m just as protective of Chloe, as I am of Lucifer. And there have been things said about her that have really grinded my gears. The Mama Bear claws are out & sharpened. Our favorite detective has been through so much this past year & it’s about time we talk about it. Let’s dig in...

Since “Orange Is The New Maze” has been released, & even a bit before that, I’ve seen the term ‘OOC’ thrown around. Especially concerning Chloe Decker & a certain relationship she’s found herself in. People shouting into the void: “WHY IS SHE WITH HIM, DOESN’T SHE SEE HE’S TERRIBLE!?! FUCKING OOC!”  “THE WRITERS HAVE CHANGED HER JUST SO SHE COULD FIT INTO THIS LOVE TRIANGLE! UGHHH OOC BS! (these aren’t actual quotes from fans, but you get the gist)

Let’s start with the term ‘OOC’. According to Urban Dictionary aka the most reliable source of information next to Wikipedia... 

It’s an acronym that stands for "Out of Character"’; which is frequently used in one of two situations. Two situations that I’m fairly well versed in. As I’m sure most of you are too.

in role-playing, indicating that a person is making a comment, suggestion, etc., that isn't coming from the character but from the person him- or herself or their-self.

in fanfiction, signaling that the way the author chose to portray the characters (or perhaps unintentionally portrayed them) may not be consistent with how the characters act, think, or speak in the original work on which the fanfiction is based. 

Now I’m not saying it’s IMPOSSIBLE for writers to loose sense of a character’s personality, morals etc. on a tv show. Believe me I’ve seen it happen, & have the emotional scars & frustrations to prove it. Thankfully this show has had the rare luck of having the same writers for the vast majority of it’s run. Something that’s largely unheard of. With that in mind, we can assume that most, if not all the writers have a good grasp on who Chloe (& the others) are at their core. 

Also Chloe isn’t the main focus; Lucifer is. I mean his name is in the title ;). Not to mention all the other characters the writers have to cultivate & give as equal screen time as possible. Meaning her journey isn’t always going to be at the forefront; which can be frustrating at times. There have been hints at the inner struggle going on in Chloe. It’s subtle, but it’s there if you’re willing to look for it.

One of the similarities between Chloe & Lucifer is they keep their hearts heavily guarded. They’ve been hurt in the past, & those events have shaped them into the characters they are today. Another similarity between them is their tendency to keep their inner turmoil locked up. Putting on a smile & pretending like nothing is wrong. 

“I love making you believe, What you get is what you see. But I’m so fake happy, I feel so fake happy. And I bet everybody here, Is just as insincere.  Fake Happy, Paramore

“I can let my guard down with you. I don’t do that with anyone else. You make me vulnerable; & maybe that’s ok.” - (Chloe/1x11) Thus one of the tethers that bonded these two characters was formed. Now how they both deal with this vulnerability is what’s really interesting. Lucifer, we can all agree, has a flair for the dramatic. Mostly stemmed from the fact that he’s never had to deal with these kinds of emotions while ruling Hell. Jealousy, fear, love... these are all brand new to him; & his reactions to them are powerful. Chloe, of course being human, is used to feeling these emotions. For her it’s just another part of life. Her reactions to things that hurt her are going to be subtle. There have only been a handful of times where Chloe let what she was feeling on the inside out; ‘My Little Monkey’ being a prime example.

Our detective was introduced in the pilot as a ‘by the book’ cop. She keeps her feelings close to her chest; & only when provoked do we see her roar. In fact the only time I’ve seen a break from this is during her interactions w/ Cain. From day one he placed Chloe at the bottom of the totem pole. All she did was politely introduce herself & in the next breath he was lessening her importance. As I’ve stated in previous posts this immediately causes there to be an imbalance in their relationship. Them being together hasn’t changed that; if anything it’s made it worse. Do you have a pin handy... well it’s time to break it out. We’ll get back to ‘Carcus’ in a bit; for right now it’s all about Chloe.

Remember that old saying I referenced in my post about 3x18; “Can’t see the forest for the trees” Boy do I love a good callback. In this situation “the trees” is Chloe’s relationship with Cain & “the forest” is her emotional struggle that has led her to this point. Now it’s time I say we shed some light on it.

Chloe Jane Decker is hardworking & put’s her all into every case that comes her way. The people she cares about always come first, & she’ll gladly suffer in silence to make sure none of them feel any pain. Chloe is a strong, multi dimensional character that has been an absolute joy to see on screen. She has been portrayed beautifully by Lauren German, who deserves all the praise in the world. All of this shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of you.

I feel it’s safe to assume that Chloe has never “made the first move”. She’s more of a slow & steady kind of woman. The only ex we know of is Dan; & I’d classify him as the ‘safe option’. It was easy for Chloe to warm up to him, date him, & the rest is history. Which is why it’s shocking to her when she realizes that she’s developed feelings for a person like Lucifer. He’s spontaneous, outspoken, loves to be the center of attention; everything she’s not. Made even more shocking when she starts to believe that Lucifer may have feelings for her as well. Feelings she tries to deny repeatedly, especially in 2x11. Claiming they didn’t have a moment, they’re too different, etc. I personally love these instances with Chloe; I refer to them as her ‘thinking out loud’ moments aka ‘me everyday of my life’. The things she’s voicing aren’t for anyone’s benefit, but her own. It’s like Chloe’s trying to rationalize her emotions. ‘Maybe if I say out loud that Lucifer & I wouldn’t work, then maybe it’ll be true.’ 

^^^Sorry not sorry This tactic of course is futile, as shown by the surprise smooch she lays on our devil. Not ONCE but TWICE!! Chloe made the first move; she put herself out there. That’s a big deal. From day one Lucifer has been very heavy handed w/ the sexual innuendos. Going so far as to try & sleep with her in 1x04. But in the end he thinks better of it as he becomes more aware of Chloe’s boundaries. The only other time Chloe’s made a move was when she arrived wasted at Lucifer’s penthouse at the end of 1x10. To which Lucifer refused her advances immediately. Because the devil is, if anything, a gentleman; also consent. When Chloe kisses Lucifer; she’s at her most vulnerable. She’s letting him in in a way she hasn’t before. Letting him know that she believes him to be more than worthy of her; no matter what he believes his flaws to be.

As I’ve stated, Chloe feels it’s her duty to shoulder the pain that everyone around her is feeling above her own. A trait I’m sure is the product of loosing her father at such a young age. She has to be strong; for her mom, her daughter, everyone. While at the same time pushing everything that’s effecting her to the back burner; 2x07 being a perfect example. I lost count of the amount of times Chloe looked like she was ready to collapse in a pool of tears. But she didn’t, she had to be an unbreakable force of nature. It’s only during the final scene with Lucifer that she finally lets herself go. You can see the thoughts playing out on Chloe’s face the second before she rushes into his arms. She’s at war with her emotions. Until finally she exclaims “Oh just... Shut up!”; again we have another ‘thinking out loud’ moment. Luci doesn't need to shut up; it's her thoughts that need to. Chloe is making the choice to ignore the consequences, no overthinking it. All she wants right now is to be comforted, & Lucifer is the only person she feels the safest with.

^^^That single tear gets me every time. My precious baby. Now, what could cause a character as strong & caring as our detective to fall into an abusive relationship? The answer lies in 2x14; & the episodes proceeding it. Just like how the events in 2x12 were the catalyst to Lucifer’s actions in 2x13. Lucifer’s response of ‘Friends, yes that’s exactly what we are.’ in 2x14 shatters Chloe’s world. Again she looks like she’s about to crumble; her voice is shaky, her breathing is uneven. Only this time, she can’t run into Lucifer’s arms to find comfort. He’s worlds away from her now. What she thought they had was & is an illusion. A hug, a touch, a kiss; moments that meant everything to her, clearly meant nothing to him. So she sucks it up; suppresses those feelings of rejection & a love unrequited.

”I can’t call you a stranger, But I can’t call you. I know you think that I erased you. You may hate me, But I can’t hate you. And I won’t replace you. Tell me how to feel about you now? Oh let me know, Do I suffocate or let go? Tell Me How, Paramore

There’s a clear line connecting the catalyst of Chloe’s emotional spiral in ‘Candy Morningstar’ to the present time heading into ‘The Angel of San Bernardino’. Most of these moments were subtle, but powerful when looked at closely. In my mind it proves Chloe’s actions or in actions aren’t the product of bad/lazy writing. And they’re most definitely not sacrificing her character in order to make this ‘love triangle’ happen. Or as the kids like to call it ‘OOC’. 

Let’s do a bit of reading between the lines shall we?!

“Our partnership ended when you ghosted me & the entire department.

“...What good is a partner if I can’t depend on you.” 

“How could you... I thought we were... I thought we were friends.”  (2x14)

unsaid: -I kissed you; I let you in & you left without a word. Why? -I put my trust in you & you abused it. I need someone I can rely on. I thought that was you. -Where do we stand. I have feelings for you; I thought you had feelings for me. That’s why I kissed you, why I let you in. But now you’re married & I don’t know what to think & how to feel.

”You know I keep caring... & you, you just... Lucifer.” (3x01)

“These feelings are stupid. Lucifer & I are friends, partners. I’m past anything romantic with him. Full on rear view, in the past.” (3x06)

“Are you really that self absorbed that you don’t realize your actions hurt people, hurt me.”  “Then why are you still here?”  (3x12)

unsaid:  -I open my heart & you keep taking advantage of it. Are you stringing me along; is this a game to you? -I love working with him, & being around him; but it hurts. One min we’re hot, the next we’re cold. I want to be over him, but I don’t think I ever will be. -If you don’t care about me, then why do you do these things. I’m still heartbroken; & I’m even more confused than before. I need to know where we stand cause I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

Lucifer broke Chloe’s heart in more ways than one in 2x14. And that pain is prolonged due to his attempts to “protect her/almost let her in/etc.”. To Chloe it feels as if he’s stringing her along, taking two steps forward than a giant leap back.

You keep me up with you silence Take me down with your quiet Of all the weapons you fight with, Your silence is the most violent.” Tell Me How, Paramore

All these emotions swirling inside has left Chloe vulnerable. If you’ve ever suffered from any kind of lapse in mental health you know how easy it is to let someone in that may have a negative influence on you. In this confusion & inner turmoil, is where Cain pounces. He seems nice enough, the perfect distraction to Chloe’s unresolved feelings. She just wants to find happiness outside of the yearning she still has for Lucifer.

Cain can see the bond Chloe & Lucifer have, as well as the ocean that now separates them. Realizing that maybe he went about it all wrong the first time. Maybe if he forms a similar bond w/ Chloe he’ll be on the road to what he’s always wanted. So he lays what little charm he has on her strong. Tells her everything she wants to hear in order to lull her into a false sense of security. Those walls he appeared to have before, are gone all because of her. Normally this is where a million red flags would be going off in Chloe’s mind; & they are. Unfortunately because she’s been so weighed down by everything that’s gone on w/ Lucifer she overlooks them. It’s easier to pretend everything is fine, than to feel the pain. 

I know I said that I was doing good, And that I’m happy now. Shoulda known that when things were going good That’s when I’d get knocked down. Fake Happy, Paramore

Chloe has every right to feel how she’s feeling. She has every right to seek out a relationship w/ whomever she wants. It’s just annoying that she’s having to figure all this out while being saddled w/ a person who doesn’t respect her. Part of Chloe is trying to move on from Lucifer, but the other doesn’t want to; sound familiar? -cough; Lucifer -cough;. It’s frustrating, confusing, & completely in character.

This is a valid part of Chloe’s journey. It wasn’t plucked out of thin air for the sake of a ‘love triangle’. The writers laid the groundwork for it in S2 & have connected it through to S3. Parts may have gotten lost along the way but it’s there. If they’d had Chloe ignore these feelings, made her pretend like everything Lucifer has said/done wasn’t effecting her it would’ve been a disservice. Not only to Chloe, but to the story, & to us the viewers.  Truthfully I feel people have been a lil too heavy handed w/ the ‘OOC’ term. I’ve mostly seen it used as a means to say they disagree with what Chloe or -insert character here; has been doing. All I have to say to that is: Do you know how many times I’ve disagreed w/ a characters actions? A LOT! I’ve disagreed w/ Lucifer multiple times. I love my son, but sometimes he needs to be put in time out. It’s what makes a character unique, what keeps us watching. Do you know how boring it would be if we agreed w/ every thing a character did? Extremely.  Part of storytelling is putting characters into different situations & seeing how they deal with them. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. In the end they’ll come out stronger, & more fleshed out than they were before. 

Each one of the characters on ‘Lucifer’ is dealing w/ their own emotional/mental health struggles. Our devil isn’t the only one who needs to hire a therapist. When I see people praising Lucifer’s or Maze’s growth from S1 to now, while at the same time denouncing Chloe’s pisses me off. It’s as if because Chloe is human she’s already a fully realized character with no more room to grow. So many of you have been complaining that she hasn’t “been doing anything” this season. News flash, yes she has. Chloe’s juggling being a single mom of a 10 yr old while managing a  full time career as a homicide detective. On top of that she’s been struggling w/ her unresolved feelings for Lucifer. We should be praising her for staying strong & not completely breaking down under the pressure.

^^^Maze is on the prowl, you know I mean business. Consider yourselves warned. #ChloeDeckerDefenseSquad I applaud the writers for taking this route with Chloe. Rarely do we ever see the beginnings of an abusive relationship portrayed so accurately. I’ve watched it be attempted, but more often than not the outcome is lackluster. Almost like the writers got spooked halfway through, or one of the higher ups told them to make it more palatable. People like Cain exist & should be talked about. Just because Chloe is overlooking these signs at the moment, doesn’t mean we should. Take away Cain’s immortality & he’s your average dude bro preying on women, or anyone. Everything is a game to them, a means to an end. I’m certain that if Chloe didn’t have a good head on her shoulders & an army of people to defend her, things would only escalate further. I’ve had the misfortune of being witness to these types of relationships on more than one occasion. They’re terrifying & I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. If we can find a positive from this plotline it’s to recognize Cain’s actions & words for what they are. Words of an abuser, a manipulator, a sociopath, etc. Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel less than. You deserve to be loved & treated respectfully. Take note of these signs & protect yourselves & others. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Now that the main discussion is out of the way, let’s do a bit of spring cleaning if you will... Welcome to ‘Em’s Salty Corner’ aka ‘People Need To Find Their Chill’ This week we’ll be discussing the infamous ‘Bullet Necklace’ circa 3x19 Some of you were more than a little pissed at Chloe’s dismissal of it. “How dare she think this gift was a joke?!!?!!?! LUCIFER GAVE IT TO YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU YOU BITCH!!” (again I’m paraphrasing here...) Now, look I’d be lying if I said Chloe’s line didn’t hurt my heart, cause it did. But instead of jumping to conclusions over it I paid attention to the whole scene. Her body language, her tone of voice, everything. And do you know what I see? I see a woman trying to lessen the significance of an item so as not to trigger her abuser. Followed later by an apology from the woman for hurting said abuser. When in reality there was nothing for Chloe to apologize for.

“It’s unfair of me to ask you to deal with this” Deal with what? A gift you received months before y’all were dating? He has no right to tell you what to do, how to act, how to feel, what to wear, etc. You’ve been dating him for less than 2 wks; Chloe this is BS & you know it somewhere deep in your heart. These are the classic signs of a dysfunctional relationship & yet y’all are focusing on whether or not Chloe thinks Lucifer got her a ‘joke gift’

^^^Lucifer & I are not amused. You saw the heart eyes Chloe was making while talking about that necklace right? She loves that necklace, & cherishes the memories she has when receiving it. Not to mention the look of longing she had aimed at Lucifer in the parking garage. There was more electricity in those missed glances than in all of Carcus’s scenes combined. Seriously what even was that peck; their lips barely touched. It looked like the kind of kiss you’d give an aging relative you haven’t seen since you were 3. If anything it was the perfect example of when 2 actors with no chemistry are made to pretend like they do.    Chloe referred to this gift as BEAUTIFUL upon first receiving it for crying out loud. If Chloe was really under Cain’s “spell” she wouldn’t be wearing it. Paraphrasing what I’d said in my previous post: Our detective openly wearing this is her way of telling Lucifer that he’s still important to her. Chloe’s heart belongs to him, he was her first choice. She’s trying to move on, but she’ll soon realize it’s with the wrong person.

“Do friends give you jewelry” Yes Cain, they fucking do. Especially ones who are destined to be together. So she was wearing a necklace, big deal! You’ve been dating for a min, chillax. I don’t see a ring on her finger... too much? ;). And even if there was, Chloe’s her own person with her own free will. What’s next, are you going to tell Chloe she can’t put one of Trixie’s alien drawings on the fridge? God I can’t wait for your ass to be grass. And thus concludes “Em’s Salty Corner”; we hope to see you again soon! :)

^^^Remember wuss’s don’t get any. Speaking of everyone’s favorite pigtailed, alien loving little cutie. Before I sign off I’d like to direct you to a post I & a bunch of other awesome people contributed to. It’s mostly us speculating about 3x20 & the rest of the season (prior to the release of 3x20/21/22 synopsis’s). I especially want you to focus on my section theorizing/discussing Dan’s “Cat Analogy”. All I’ll say here is that I believe Dan’s assurances that Lucifer is the ‘cat’ in Chloe’s life is false. Think we can all agree that a certain little girl holds more weight when it comes to Chloe making “life changing decisions.” Cain isn’t gonna know what hit him when he meets that little girl. As we head into the final 5 episodes remember to keep an open mind, have faith in the writers, & keep a steady grasp on your sanity. There have been a lot of crazy theories floating around; some intriguing, & some are out of this world. But that’s one of the best things about being in a fandom, we each see the thing we love differently. Even better when we’ve created a space in which we could converse w/o fear of reproach. Keep spreading the positivity & love! Whatever this show has in store for us will be amazing, as it always is. Till next time!! xoxox Em

Tribe:  @psychicninja90 @mametupa @aeruthien @boundtobeafraid @deckoutinstars @ships-sailing-in-the-night @ohmymorningstar, @youcantmakeme, @frankcastle, @sanoiro @wpbianca99, @mischief-with-sandra, @mendokayalways, @lux-i-fer, 

Okay, we spend a lot of (deserved) time bagging on our Garbage King, but what are your favorite things about Garcia/his best qualities?

Ahahaha. Bless ‘im.

I’m gonna be really obvious and shallow as fuck here, and say that the man is hella tall, hella dark, and hella handsome, wears the shit out of a suit (and basically everything), and has chemistry with rocks and passing mailmen. In other words, he Frustrates me daily. Half the time I’m like “eh maybe I’m a lesbian, I only really find myself attracted to women these days.” Then he strolls the fuck up and I’m like ….. “Nope. Still really bi.”

The obvious Competence Kink is also extremely attractive. He does not fuck around and he rarely fucks up (at least when it comes to his plans; emotional dexterity is another question). He gets the job done and he is not someone you want on the other side of the war from you. He’s been fighting Rittenhouse alone for most of season 1, and comes close to taking most of them out in 1954. He put together all those pieces (with help from the journal) and committed himself and yes, caused a lot of collateral damage, but he’s competent. He knows what he’s doing and how to do it well.

The sass. Good god, the sass, the snark, the everything. As he lives, he sasses. He is 100% Extra, dramatic, sarcastic, and OTT at all times. He has no off switch and goes from 0 to 1000 on like, everything. If I knew him in real life, I’d be like FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!, but in a fictional character/someone to watch on screen, it’s delightful.

The multilingualism. He was born in Croatia and raised probably bilingual in Croatian and English; we’ve also seen him speak German (in 1x04) and Spanish (in 1x05). According to Flynn’s info file, he’s spent a lot of time in Chechnya, and no way a guy fighting as a soldier/working as an NSA asset in Eastern Europe doesn’t speak Russian. So that’s at least five languages, and he probably can get by in or understand most of several more. Which yes. /swoons

He’s a history nerd, which appeals to me for obvious reasons. He managed to get by just fine by himself in season 1; he knew where to go (at least somewhat) thanks to the journal, but he took charge of getting his own clothes and knowing the people he needed to go after/shoot in the head because Flynn. He is clearly a fanboy geek about Salem, and is the only member of the team who can go head-to-head with Lucy when it comes to the history. But he’s also 0% interested in keeping it as the way it is just because.

On that note: he has the kind of antihero morality that appeals to me in fictional characters (though obviously he has really trash-fired it up at times). He doesn’t think that history’s injustices and bad things just have to stand if he has the ability to change it, for better or worse. He cares a lot and wants to do what’s right, but he isn’t going to be wringing his hands over whether or not violence is all right in the war. He also knows this about himself and has never had any illusions that what he’s doing individually is good, morally speaking, but knows that overall, he’s chasing the right enemy. He is very self-aware that he’s gone down a dark path with this and doesn’t feel it’s one from which he can necessarily return.

His devotion??! Ughhh. Give me a tortured, broody, angsty, sassy, self-aware, tragic antihero motivated and ultimately redeemed by love, and I will eat that shit up with like, all the spoons. He loves his wife and daughter so much he’s willing to take on all of time and space and Rittenhouse (who, incompetent as they may seem at points, are still super evil) and steal a time machine and fight literally everyone to bring them back… with no expectation of being a family with them ever again, because he doesn’t think he can earn it/be worthy of it. He just wants them to take one more breath and for their murders to be avenged and for them to live the life that was taken from them.

And obviously this season, the way he loves Lucy and is owning up to his mistakes and helping her and being there for her and Soft ™ and loving as hell, in his clumsy dorky way, is just… gahhh. He adores her in a way that makes my goddamn chest hurt and he’s gotten so good (when! when did he do this???) at putting her needs first and pushing away his own shit and stepping up for her. He can sense when she’s upset and he’s slowly getting better at comforting her and protecting her and being a team with her and like. She’s the most important (living) person in his world right now, and this terrifying giant of a man is totally owned by this tiny little historian who can order him to fuck up Puritans or anyone else and just… yep. There he is to do it. She owns him and he’s completely happy about that, apparently. He got over his anger at getting arrested in like… five seconds, and it was Beautiful. He is somehow the one person putting her first the most consistently this entire season, and believe me, I did not see that coming (but damn, I have never been so happy to be wrong).

Ughhhh.

Also (hopefully) he’s gonna have a talk about 1x15 with Rufus, and they’re gonna bond, and be pals, and he’ll beat up people for Rufus, and own up to his mistakes there as well, and it will be Great.

He and his totally heterosexual ™ winks and goading stares and sass at Wyatt will also eventually result in some quality Flogan bonding, and (finally) plenty of quality Flogan snark beforehand. Because they’re still incredibly similar and need to make it up. (Or make out.) (Who said that.) (In other words he’s super not straight. Fight me.)

Anyway, he’s an incredibly complicated, flawed, enjoyable, well-written character who makes you love him even while he’s blasting flamethrowers of bad decisions with both hands, and then he gets Soft, and you can’t handle that in the least bit, and anyway.

I’m love him.

PPG💖 power of four review *Spoiler Warnings! *

Ok I’m about to talk the powerpuff girls tv movie that came out called the power of four. I normally don’t review things that much or at all 😞 but I decided to talk about this because I was tired of hearing half-assed reviews because people don’t like bliss’s design or because they just hate the reboot.

Now I’m going to say this the powerpuff girls reboot isn’t the best but it’s not the worst. I repeat I’m only talking about this movie because getting tired of hearing “This reboot sucks, they always makes things worse, or ughhh I can’t believe blah blah.” Imagine that nerdy guy from the Simpsons you know the guy with the beard and ponytail yeah that. I heard a lot of people with a attitude like his talk about it and it was annoying.

The her design isn’t the best but none of the characters are drawn in a perfect way. The powerpuff girls themselves are big example of that. Now people are like why are her legs so long, it doesn’t fit her body. Now watching the episode it is revealed that she is a teenager it doesn’t really say how old she is but that she has been gone for 10 years.

People are bothered by her hair color and quite frankly I literally don’t care that much, like anime characters have all sorts of rainbow color hair, and so do 80’s cartoon characters like jem, strawberry shortcake,etc.

Ok the episode opens with blossom, and buttercup accusing bubbles of destroying their things. Which she denies and says her new friend bliss did and that she’s a teenager, and that she has a hard time controlling her emotions. They don’t believe her, and think she’s crazy. The professor comes in and tell them that they can’t go to the movie unless they do their chores.

He also reminisce on this show he use to like as a kid, about a tractor for the planet earth or whatever( I haven’t gone to sleep yet so I’ll do my best remembering things.) The girls are like that show is kinda lame and that the main character overreacts. The professor then proceeds to overreact in funny before reminding the girls chores before the movie.(I’m going to skip a bit to when bliss actually arrives.)

Ok while watching the movie the tractor from the professors old show crashes the movie, and the professor isn’t here he went to get more popcorn. The tractor gets blossom, and buttercup tied up and bubbles tries to help but the girls tied her up earlier because they think she crazy. So bubbles calls out for bliss who surprise, surprise was real the whole time and says “Nobody hurts my sister’s!” Then blows the tractor away.

Now the professor finally comes back they have “dad” “Blisstina”(her real first name she got real long name) moment before the professor shoots her with a laser to knock her out. Exclaiming that she will be safe now, fast forward they head back to the lab where the professor places bliss in a stasis field. The girls want answers on why they didn’t know they had a older sister before. So now we flash back to when the professor was younger his rival professor plutonium has created the perfect little boy (who is a parody of astro boy). He felt like he needed to make the perfect little girl which he did but he made the same mistake except with chemical W. Which the girls called him out on and he then proceeded to say that he actually made the same mistake 22 times by knocking over chemicals A through X they even show where a bug becomes a super powered mutant.

Now bliss was made 10 years ago her full name is Blisstina Francesca Francia Mariam Alicia Utonium, aka bliss for short. She was the perfect little girl. The sweetest, strongest, smartest little girl, the main abilities she uses is telekinesis,and teleportation. Things were good except that she couldn’t control her powers no matter what emotion she feels her powers act up and explode. Until the day she left she was eating cereal and states that she “wants milk” and has gets annoyed with how long the professor was taking I guess she gets upset and she blows up the house.

Knocking out the professor upset that she can’t control her powers and that she doesn’t want to hurt the professor, or anyone else for that matter she leaves. The professor wakes up and only finds her headband and thinks the worst, and slowly forgets about think that she was gone and started all over again with the girls.

Now bliss ran away to a uncharted island called bird poop island. Where it didn’t matter if she couldn’t control her powers. She wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone, and she wasn’t alone for long she met a tiny elephant named “me” who didn’t mind her powers blowing up. Now after a couple of years bliss was starting to miss the professor and with the encouragement of “me” she goes to see him but finds bubbles instead.

Now after explaining her background mojo Jojo comes in holding the professor hostage when he sees bliss which reminds the girls that he was one the professor’s assistant, and bliss was his best friend and that he saw her leave and was sad that she went. Now he frees her and ask her to join him, but at the same time the professor is saying “don’t go I can help!” With the girls talking as well bliss feels overwhelmed, and that she is about to explode again pulls the leaver back on for the stasis field. Then she explodes, only to missing.

Mojo now sad leaves the girls then notice the professor is gone as well. Then they hear noises from the kitchen the professor and bliss have been talking about her saying and giving being a family a shot. Now the girls go to get her a costume( which I thought was a fun little montage.)

(I like the suit one the most :3)

They decided that her original outfit was the best and the girls decide to give the old headband she use to wear back to her. Now a very minor villain comes in called the gnat and I’m not going to lie I feel as though his design is based off of courage the cowardly dog show. I can’t find any images of him but if you put him next so some of the more odd looking characters he would fit in there.

Now bliss has a hard time trying to be a powerpuff girl she feels anxious. The girls try to do various things to get her to relax, like swan boats, a book on taxes, Icelandic death metal, until finally they take her to a demolition derby. Which buttercup choose because it wouldn’t matter if she destroyed anything there, bliss hears this and buttercup corrects herself saying for fun and to let it out, bliss replies that she doesn’t want to let it out.

They head home and the professor has the girls training and that bliss has aced almost all the simulations so far, and now she wants to go out and give being a powerpuff girl another shot. The professor says that she isn’t ready yet. The girls then ask if she can at least go to school with them he says no again and that she can learn from the speak and spell. Buttercup tells Bliss that he will change his mind during dinner. Dinner comes and he hasn’t changed his mind and when bliss uses her telepathic abilities to eat, he tells no powers at the table. She gets upset and goes to her(the girls) room with “me” playing a game that parodies battleship and it is revealed that “me” can talk this whole time, and shape-shift. He begins to tell her to try to get her to doubt the professor, and the girls, stating that they don’t actually think of as a powerpuff girl, or a family member, or are jealous of her powers. The girls come in to check up on her quickly getting a call to fight crime.

They then convince bliss to join them and that maybe the professor needs to see her in action. They get there and start fighting this squirrel/chipmunk(?)guy and when it’s bliss’s turn she starts wailing on him.

Like really beating him up and taking her anger at the professor on him and the girls jump in front of him to protect him from the energy ball she made knocking them down. Now the professor comes and gets upset with bliss stating this is was why he didn’t want her to go. The he accidentally states that she will never get her powers under control.

She replies after coping him say that she won’t sadly. Now “me” comes out and beings to talk, and shape-shift into a few things like a serpent and then finally reveal that “me” is “him” the whole time and ask her to take his hand which she does fusing with him (though they later clarified that he had possessed her and taken some of her powers.

They are able to free her with the help of mojo now free and feeling more guilt doesn’t want to use her powers. The girls convince her to and they come together to form a giant energy powerpuff girl to stop him. I’m not going to lie I love him’s design during this episode.

(See how epic that looks!!) Now the movie ends with bliss having to leave to place Saturn back into place after him’s rampage because she is the only one strong enough to do so. Over all I liked it nice little episode it isn’t perfect but it’s nice.

Thoughts On Tales of Berseria

Soooooooo this is a very long overdue post (like a month late lol), but my health was in a meh state for a long time pretty much starting with when I first beat the game and technically still isn’t over yet but it’s bearable now so so that killed a lot of my motivation to do... much of anything, so here we are now. I also rewatched a good portion of the game while my friend was playing it for the first time and that helped me figure out my thoughts on it better (while talking with her about it).

I want to clarify that despite the... kind of negative tone of this analysis, I still really enjoyed Berseria. After all, it is a Tales game, and I love Tales, and there isn’t a single one I outright dislike. This also contains some spoilers for Tales of Zestiria, as the distant sequel to Berseria and a game that is very important to me as one of my favorite Tales so yeah, just a warning, I love Zestiria, and that’s gonna be prevalent here some.

Spoilers below. Also this is incredibly long, I am so sorry; if you read it all you deserve a medal, as usual:

This will mostly just be a collection of random points, not organized really in any particular way:

Burn is a badass opening. Fucking love it, and the animation with it; watched it every time, as expected.

I really enjoyed Berseria’s battle system; normally I’m not one to really scrutinize how good a gameplay system is or isn’t because I’m not actually good at playing lmao but I liked the soul system, and the break souls, and how you can do an epic chain of mystic artes together in a row <333 also Eizen’s dragon MA is just rude, okay.

The weapon upgrading system is so much easier and less confusing compared to Zestiria’s; thank fucking god

The cameo character side quest in this game is just... what the fuck, Bamco. not only did you use two of my least favorite characters in the entire Tales series, but you used them in the weirdest scenario ever. i’m so disturbed i want to... forget all of that... lol.

The soundtrack is okay, sadly not as standout as Zestiria’s but I expected that. :/ There are still a few amazing tracks though that I have listened to by themselves a lot; specifically Eizen’s theme, Rokurou’s theme, Shigure’s theme, all variations of Velvet’s theme (”True Will” is just UGH), Oscar’s theme okay so all the character themes lol, the Hellewes song I think, the song that plays in Palimedes Temple, “Time to Relax” (Titania Prison’s softer and more homey theme song), “The Last Word” (</3), the credits song, and the epilogue cutscene song ughhhh (my favorite).

Really wish there were more anime cutscenes. Feels like there were a few at the beginning and then..... literally none until almost the very end of the game; kinda disappointing.

I was really concerned when I first was told by somebody that most of the dialogue in the game is told through mandatory skits, but in the end it didn’t bother me as much as I expected it to. Still, I think they were overused a bit too much; I get that it’s easier but there’s only a limited number of expressions that the sprites can show, no matter how much movement they’re given, and the models can get across emotions specific to a certain situation much better, so I wish they would have utilized them more just for talking.

Voice acting is amazing, as usual. Cristina Vee did an INCREDIBLE job as Velvet, just wow, and I was also really impressed with Ray Chase as Artorius ughhh, so good. <3

I love Velvet’s outfit; no shame, sorry. also Eizen without his jacket is mmmmMMMMM

Berseria has really good writing, storywise. The plot is well-conceived and I love the themes behind it, the focus on the importance of family, and where it eventually leads to in the end. Lot of emotion with Velvet’s story with Phi, Laphicet, Artorius, (and Celica/Seres), and it really hits hard ugh. </3 So I really respect the game for the main underlying plot, the message it was trying to get across, how hopeful it is despite how frankly depressing the entirety of the game is, and for the parts that it did well, because those parts are incredible.

but

I’m sorry but there is a big but

My biggest problem with Berseria stems from the fact that aside from Velvet, Phi, and Eleanor, everyone else is... rather flat. Sort of related to that (but not entirely) is the fact that despite me liking almost everyone in the party to varying degrees, they honestly didn’t feel that close? I was told this game had a huge found family aspect to it, which is what I always expect and want from Tales, and I was especially anticipating it in this game with Velvet’s initial setup, and how excellently (and emotionally) that prologue was handled. But although by the end of the game, they do feel closer to each other in some ways, it takes an insane amount of time to get there, and even then, it’s not that strong except in certain skits. For a lot of the game it feels like half of the characters in this party have absolutely no reason to be traveling with this group, and although that can happen in Tales, usually by the middle of the game, and especially at the end, you know they definitely belong with the group, in your heart. But I just wasn’t feeling that here, and it doesn’t help that Rokurou is constantly rubbing in my face that he’s only here to repay his “debt”, and Magilou constantly reminding us that she absolutely couldn’t care less about anything we’re doing, making the feeling even worse. Eizen, too, has this issue, even though eventually he has a unbearably tragic motivating reason to follow them, but again, it comes so late. ...Ironically, I felt more of a found family vibe in the side characters and the party than I did within the party itself (Kamoana, (with Eleanor and Medissa), Dyle, Kurogane (with Rokurou), Percieval (with Phi kinda), and although I wholeheartedly enjoyed every moment of that... I also wanted it in the party more. And like I said, it is there SOME, and the moments that do happen are so sweet... but I just wanted and expected so much more from their dynamic. And the relationships within the party that exist as much as they do are split up into specific pairs and trios, which are Rokurou&Eizen, Rokurou&Phi&Eizen, Eleanor&Phi, Eleanor&Velvet, and of course, Velvet&Phi, and the latter vastly overwhelms the others by an enormous margin. Give me different match-ups; give me Velvet and Eizen having quiet talks as the group parents and two broken people who know what it’s like to lose, know what it’s like to care about family, and can relate to one another (the dialogue where she talks to him before the final battle and worries about his condition with the malevolence was just everything I ever wanted), give me Eizen and Eleanor, because she is so kind and changes so much throughout the game and so would be (and is) sympathetic towards him, like she is towards Rokurou, give me more blatant Eizen and Phi brotherly stuff okay just everyone with Eizen, give me more Velvet and Rokurou because I honestly adored their interactions in the very begnning, give me Phi trying to talk to Magilou and forcing her to break out of her comedic farce personality to try to find out why she is the way she is, just... give me more, game. ugh.

Getting back to how I said everyone who isn’t Velvet/Phi/Eleanor is pretty flat. Berseria has this weird thing about... no flashbacks being allowed, ever, unless they’re related to Velvet’s story and the immediate characters related to her. Honestly, if I had to summarize it, that’s what I’d say: this game is too Velvet-centric. Which, I mean, she’s a great character! And her story is amazing! ...But I play Tales for the entire party, and so the entire party should get focus as well, and the connections between them and the protagonist(s) should be balanced evenly. That’s not the case here. Soooooo many characters could use more depth in this game (sometimes even depth at all...), but the game chooses to adopt a “tell not show” method of giving it to them, and often far, far too late in the game, with absolutely no build-up to it, which... fails. Really hard; worse in some places than others. Older Tales games have a slew of side quests that do nothing but give further development to party members and side characters, but in Berseria, there’s only one side quest for each party member plus an important side character, and none of them have flashbacks at all if they involve a backstory. Party-wise, Rokurou and Magilou suffer the worst from this. I love Rokurou as a person, but honestly? I couldn’t tell you why I love him. He’s cool, and that’s about it. His story with his clan is so confusing because it’s barely expanded on at all, and the emotion that should be there with him and Shigure just... isn’t, because Rokurou himself isn’t emotional about it at all, so how can we feel anything? We just get a bunch of cryptic statements from him that we’re supposed to accept, and move on, just as the party moves on from it, confusedly. Shigure’s death made me feel a little because the scene itself was executed ha ha well, but it could have made me feel so much more. And then after that we get some info about their mom, which is all told to us in dialogue and nothing shown at all, and then it’s over. Magilou suffers from this even WORSE... like, I’m sorry, but I really just don’t care for Magilou. At all. I tried! I really did! And by the end of the game, I had gone from straight-up disliking her to just being neutral about her, at least! ....But the game literally just gave me zero reason to care about her, ever. She is nothing but the comic relief character for most of the game, her only role being to rudely butt in on the end of important conversations to add her own two cents (which usually amount to “haha look how much I don’t give a crap about any of this”) and messing with Phi. When they finally do start trying to show a darker side to her, when Melchior starts torturing her and taunting her, and then later when she asks Velvet what it feels like to hate, I... just can’t bring myself to care/try to figure out wth is going on? Because there’s been no build-up to it. She stays stagnant throughout the entirety of the game, unlike typical Tales characters of her type that are broken from their pasts and use cheerfulness to cover it up, that gradually show signs of becoming closer to the party throughout the game until there’s usually a Big Moment(tm) where they have to decide what they’re going to choose (see: Alvin, Zelos, Dezel, Jade minus the big moment, Raven, etc etc). The first scene I mentioned should be Magilou’s Big Moment(tm), but it doesn’t work because we’re suddenly getting this backstory hastily shoved in our faces all of a sudden, with absolutely no hints of it beforehand and thus no emotion at all from the scene. Instead it’s just confusing, not unlike Rokurou’s scenes I mentioned. Her backstory is cryptically shoved into side quest npc dialogue that you’ll absolutely miss if you’re not looking for it instead of in the main game, where it should be, and even what you get is barely anything, with no flashbacks to give you that emotion you really need for her. Magilou treats it casually, so, I treated it casually too. It’s not important to her, or the game, so I couldn’t care either. When she verbally takes down Melchior in Merchio later, I cheered, but that was literally the strongest emotions I ever felt towards her, and it didn’t have nearly the amount of oomph it should have because of everything I stated. Just. Why did they not handle her better; it makes me so sad, because she could have been AMAZING. I’ve never felt like a character belongs less in a Tales party than Magilou, tbh; she stood out so much and I just kept asking “why are you still here, again?”, and the party basically asks the same thing lol. Bienfu felt like he belonged more than she did... >.> Eizen in particular wounds me deeply because we’re already predisposed to care about him so much because of Zestiria (and lbr, Bamco knows everyone who is playing this has played Zestiria, so there’s no excuse), and so I so desperately wanted flashbacks of him and Edna. I can’t even begin to describe how much I wanted them *sobs* and the skits where he talks about her were perfect and beautiful and made my heart soar and yet break into a thousand pieces, but... I wanted them to go further with it. I wanted to see him get more emotional, and I understand that the way he is is just his personality, but like... this character is so crucial to one of the mains in Zestiria, and we love Edna and we know how important Eizen was to her, so I just wanted the game to treat him with so much more love because Zestiria frankly handled that subplot so terribly. *sighs* That being said, though, his relationship with Zaveid in Berseria is by far one of THE best done parts of the game (more on Zaveid later)... and the Aifread subplot literally destroyed me. Just. Destroyed. Yet another example of flashbacks I wanted, with the two of them (BAMCO I WOULD LITERALLY PAY YOU SO MUCH TO SEE AIFREAD AND BBY!EIZEN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WOULD PAY *sobs*), but even still, it was done pretty well compared to other things, and I’m still crying over it. ;________; </3 <3 ...In the end, though, although I do really like Eizen (his nerd rambling speeches were just b l e s s, and the black humor with his curse omg poor baby; and of course HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PIRATES WHICH IS THE BEST FAMILY IN THE GAME TBQH *tears*), I didn’t adore him as much as I assumed I would, and that sucks. :/ Eleanor is an amazing character, 10/10, and it’s kind of baffling how much focus she gets over the three mentioned above. Her side quest about her mother once again gets the obnoxious “tell not show” treatment, but it’s alleviated by the fact that she’s had so much development in the main story so it’s not as huge of a letdown (did I mention that regulating backstories to side quests, and not even well-executed ones, is a huge problem? :))) ). She’s so sweet and pure and I honestly just adore here ugh <3 unexpected favorite. Other characters in the game who suffer from the problem of not having flashbacks dedicated to them but then the game trying to make us care about them too late are again Shigure, Melchior only in the sense of in relation to his past with Magilou, and most importantly Teresa and Oscar. I love Oscar for shallow reasons, but neither of them are well-fleshed out, only getting a handful of backstory lines thrown in by Teresa right before her death and after Oscar’s, again, just telling it to us. Their relationship honestly creeped me out throughout the game, Teresa treating Oscar reallllllllly obsessively, but if we had gotten their past way ahead of time, we could understand them better even if she is still a bitch. Sadly, that’s not how it’s handled, and it’s a shame. Like I said, I sobbed got upset at Oscar’s death, but there was no justification for getting upset at all, really. Other than them, Artorius I would have liked to have gotten more scenes. His flashbacks near the end of the game were done beautifully (as was that entire segment period), but I wished that it didn’t take me that long to really feel for him, with how three-dimensional he was set up in the prologue. for those who have read the manga Akatsuki no Yona, I was expecting a Soo-won/Hak/Yona(/Il) vibe from the Artorius/Velvet/Laphicet trio because of how similar the setups were, kinda, and that wasn’t quite what I got, unfortunately More scenes on the legate side of things earlier in the game would have done him and the others a world of good, essentially. Also wished that he and Velvet had a little more to say to each other in the end, but that’s a nitpick really.

Tying in talk of Velvet’s character arc with something else: Berseria’s pacing. This game is oddly paced, if I’m being honest. I can pick out about probably ten specific big events that I remember, and everything else is rather foggy, for having just recently played it. The prologue and Velvet breaking out of prison starts the game off extremely strong, and then it feels like it hits a lull until the first confrontation with Artorius... and then there is a lonnnnnng lull until Innominat’s first appearance... and then suddenly everything is happening with absolutely no breaks until the end. Velvet’s character development matches this, as well; she stays pretty much the same for most of the game, with occasional flashes of ptsd (which are done perfectly, by the way) until Innominat’s reveal, and then her subsequent massive mental breakdown and rising up again to become someone who is still going to get revenge, but now she knows why she is, and why she needs to, and she’s happier for it. She’s definitely my favorite character in the game, and one of the best Tales protagonists out there imo, but I wish her development was more evenly distributed throughout the game, instead of nothing and then this HUGE moment where she honestly completely and utterly breaks down and shows how she truly feels and has felt about what happened to her, and then it sort of goes back to how it was before, albeit not entirely. That is the high point of the game, the best part of the game, for so many reasons, which is why I keep mentioning it; it’s done so well, and I don’t feel like anything after it even comes close to matching it, and I wish some parts did. Still love her, but her arc could have been better paced imo, and the flow of events in general (all the deaths that happen one after the other in the last fourth of the game (minus Artorius and Innominat) feel even more rushed because of the problems I stated earlier, and also this).

Phi’s a perfect pure angel cinnamon roll, his arc is amazing, and his relationship with Velvet is so touching; nothing else needs to be said. :’) <3 Although I will say I loved that he stood up to her about his identity; major props for them doing that, because it really needed to be said.

One last thing to end this on a positive note because I’ve spewed so much negativity ugh, and that is: I absolutely cannot even begin to describe how happy I am at all of the references to Tales of Zestiria in this game. Zestiria is one of my favorite Tales; it has major writing flaws, but I love almost all of the characters dearly, and even though some of them too could use some more depth, the party’s dynamic in that game is just done so well and makes me feel so good, gives me that warm Tales vibe that I just love so much (I won’t talk specifically about why I love Zestiria in this post lol, but basically what it comes down to is that it has heart, even though it has so many problems, and I respect it and love it for that, even though I acknowledge that it’s not that great). So when I heard that Berseria was a prequel to Zestiria, I was ecstatic. And it delivered to me, as a Zesty fan. Berseria may be a really long time before Zestiria, but all of the references, of which there are SO MANY, in npc dialogues and terminology and specific in-game events, are treated with so much care, obviously added in so purposefully and logically thought about how things that are considered normal in Zestiria’s time would be not quite developed all the way or have entirely different names in Berseria, and I just... I love that so much??? I loved standing in a town and getting a strange sense of deja vu, I was screaming when malevolence was mentioned and the truth about “daemonblight” was revealed, I was screaming about Edna and Eizen of course, I was screaming at “Artorius’ Throne” of course, I was screaming at Zaveid of course, I was screaming when the Shepherd was mentioned, when the Lord of Calamity was mentioned, and how they’re flip-flopped in roles from Zestiria (!!!!!), when the imperfect ARMATUS was introduced, oh my god, and when Phi became Maotelus at the end I was in tears, and got chills. Just... Zestiria didn’t do so well with its lore, and even though at the end of the day, Berseria’s existence can’t magically make Zestiria’s story writing and character writing better, it did add something to it, something special, something beautiful, something poignant, and for that, I am so happy. Zaveid in particular I have no words for; he was the single character I never have cared about in Zestiria, with how rude he is about a certain traumatic incident that happens right before he forcefully shoves himself into the party, and overall his type is just one I don’t care for. Then Berseria happened, and I adore him in Berseria. It honestly weirds me out and haunts me to realize and admit, but yes, he’s one of my favorite characters in this game, and by far one of the best written ones, and to see how different he is in this game compared to the other is just surreal, and chilling, and sad, and to play Zestiria from here on out knowing how and why he eventually becomes the way he does, after seeing how his beliefs used to be and seeing what he lost, and what his relationship with Eizen was like? I’m so upset, and fucked up, good GOD. ;______; All in all, I love Berseria purely because it made me love Zestiria even more, and whenever I play Zestiria from here on out I’ll never look at it the same way again, especially when Sorey sleeps with Maotelus in the end. </3 <3 and Zestiria the X and whatever the hell it was trying to do can go fuck itself lol >_______> Instead, can we just have something where Sorey learns all about the first Lord of Calamity and her gang from Zaveid? *cries* and about how Eizen was with them? BETTER YET, CAN WE HAVE MAOTELUS!PHI JUST TELLING SOREY EVERYTHING AND SOREY GETS SO EMOTIONAL OVER IT BECAUSE HE’S HIM; MY HEART

The ending. What the fuck, Bamco. My heart is in pieces, and then also you just... do that with the credits.... seriously WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SATAN IDEA IS THAT

Despite all of my criticisms, which I promise I give out of love because I love this series so much, Berseria is still a really really good Tales. I don’t think it’s as godly as everyone is hyping it up to be, and definitely not Abyss tier (I don’t think the Tales series will ever create another Abyss, honestly, as sad as I am to say it) like some are saying, but still, it’s up there. I wish the party’s development and dynamic was handled better, and I wish the game wasn’t so damn insistent on never using flashbacks, and me not being attached to the party is why I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would, but the writing is very solid, and the parts that Berseria does well are godly. I’d probably give it a 7/10; it gave me a lot of feels though I wish more and now I’m just really depressed about everything. :’)))) and I can write fic about the characters I wanted more depth for if no one else will Final character ranking in terms of favorites would probably be Zaveid > Velvet > Phi > Eleanor > Rokurou > Eizen > Magilou

Blindspot 2x20 recap

(Aka the one where the team pulls a prison break and a few big secrets are revealed) 

This is one of those episodes that improves upon rewatching (possibly due to being too traumatised the first time around). And with so much of the story revolving around badass ladies, what’s not to love??

So, here’s installment #2 for this week. Enjoy.

Ughhh my baby Zapata is having her mugshot taken and I’m super conflicted about it bc on one hand I’m so worried for her but on the other all I can think is that she looks like a freakin’ model and ugh this is too much for me rn. And ugh she’s being shut up behind bars and she looks so little in her orange jumpsuit and everyone else looks so mean and angry and ugh my precious cupcake ughhh. And oooh here’s Ronda, and it’s actually so weird to see her meekly handing over her toothbrush bc her irl fighting persona is always so (ง'̀-‘́)ง  and just ready to throw down at all times. I love her little jibe about the other chick needing the toothbrush more tho haha– maybe not quite as meek as I thought. And then awww Zapata is like 'here, friend’ and offers her another toothbrush and gets totally brushed off (heh). But dammit Ronda– I mean, Devon– that was just plain rude to my baby, she’s only trying to make friends, c’mon

Ugh speaking of my babies, Jane is being super adorable and talking about needing to fix the radiator (*cough* Weller could probably do it *cough*) so Roman could get a good night’s sleep and ugh she sounds so chipper and I very much believe that she slept very well with some very pleasant dreams (basically playing out the plot of Uninterrupted, lbr) and ughhh she’s on such a high and then sigh Roman brings it crashing down by bringing up The Emma Secret. I’m emotional over the fact it’s tearing him up this much to keep it from Weller though– shows he really isn’t the same as Old Roman. And ugh Jane knows he’s right but she also feels even more trapped by it than she did before, bc since Roman has been allowed out she knows that it will only look worse that she held this back and ughhh she and Weller are in such a good place rn and she so desperately doesn’t want to ruin that, even though she knows she has to 'fess up and do the right thing and ugh my poor baby I don’t like your choices but I can understand them, and I know you are heading for a whole lot of pain and ugh can’t I fix this for you both somehow please

Speaking of my handsome munchkin (who I bet also slept extremely well last night, and possibly even had to do some early morning laundry because of it), Weller has called Patterson into his office because he has reports of her not going home at night– and lollll her sputtering indignation is so priceless. Genius she may be, actor she is not. And he tells her that her keycard log gave her away, which raises two points for me: first, surely she would be smart enough (and obviously have the skills) to erase those logs so no one would find out? Unless she was just too frazzled, idk. And secondly, has Weller taken on the role of checking all the logs so he can spot anyone coming and going who shouldn’t be? Silently watching over his team and his office? Ugh my beautiful protective son. And then he’s so gentle when he asks her what’s going on and reminds her that she has to trust her team and learn how to delegate, because they need her. And she gets in a huff and goes to leave like an angsty teen, but he tells her to wait and follows her and ugh Weller please hug her. Please. But instead he tells her they have to look after themselves and asks her to go see Dr Sun. Damn, would have preferred the hug. But sidenote at least we know that they know about Zapata already? Phew. They’ll get her out, I know it.

Oooh Jane arrives at the bullpen looking nervous, and Weller is literally one of the first people she sees. Ugh and she’s almost a little breathless as she says 'hey, Kurt’ (ugh the first name thing still gets me, though I love that she also still uses 'Weller’) and he’s all cool like *nods* 'Jane’, and her breath comes out on a tiny almost-chuckle which I am very much going to assume is related to the fact that they’re being all cool and casual when like 12 hours ago they very nearly made out with each other’s faces and then proceeded to spend the whole night dreaming about it. But she avoids that topic and asks about Zapata instead, which means she’d already been briefed on it before even getting to work… and then aaahhh they’re literally making small-talk, with Weller asking her about how things with Roman are going (bet he regrets letting him out a little just bc now he can’t come over for private time at Jane’s haha) and she admits she’s worried about Roman, about how he only ever sees the NYO and the safehouse and ugh I get where she’s coming from but also honey don’t be asking for too much too fast… and then omg this takes an unexpected direction when Weller literally seems to have a lightbulb moment and invites them both over for dinner tonight. Omg. This is literally a date under the guise of a friendly dinner. It’s a date-plus-chaperone. And wow Jane goes from surprised and delighted to terrified to faux-happily accepting all in the space of a second, and then as he tells her the time and turns away, her 'sure’ is barely more than a whisper, her hands moving awkwardly like she literally doesn’t know what to do with herself because shit, she can’t do this, she can’t keep this from him any longer bc in that split second when he suggested dinner she wanted it SO BADLY but she knows she can’t have that connection between her and him/him and Roman until she’s honest with him, and so now a deadline has been put in place. There is never going to be a 'best time’, so the time is today. She’ll tell him today. And ugh as she watches him walk away, she’s completely and utterly terrified that the next time he walks away from her it’ll be for good…

Ugh I love prisons. Why do places that represent such awful things fascinate me so much?? Well, okay, because of my eternal love of Prison Break, obviously. But still. They’re just interesting. And speaking of interesting, Zapata’s about to step into a fight between Devon and the Boss Lady. Boss Lady gets in a good first punch, and Devon looks like she’s about to get her ass beaten, when Zapata walks straight into the Boss and is all 'you’re in my way’. Ooooooh man she may be tiny but she got biiiig balls. But then aaaahhh Boss Lady is kicking her ass and nooooo my babyyyyy I don’t want to see thisssss. She and Devon actually start doing a pretty good job of holding their own, though, and I’m personally really kinda enjoying seeing them team up and kick butts. Oh hold on, Boss Lady is named Liz. That’s easier. Also man the whole no-snitching thing is such an interesting culture– everyone else present knows who’s responsible, but doesn’t say a word, even when they lose their yard time too. And oooohhh noooo Weller’s here to visit now and ughhhh the stunned look on his face when he sees her injuries and the slightly ashamed but also defiant look on hers when she sits down. Aaaaarghhh. And he’s all “what the hell happened” because he’s Mr Protective and hates to see his family getting hurt and ughhhhh. And then lol I love how the camera zooms in as he looks around, telling us that he’s about to reveal a secret. And he does– turns out, this whole thing is all their own plan. And then we get a flashback to the bar– and wait hold on, that was 72 hours ago?? Dammit, that means we actually missed the cutely-awkward morning-after-almost-kissing Jeller interactions? Ugh I’m so bummed. Ah well, I’m going to assume it just involved a lot of quick, shy smiles and carefully keeping their conversation limited to Zapata and other safe topics. But omg okay I’m over my disappointment now bc ughhh in the flashback Weller’s getting teased by the others for offering to pay for the next round– which apparently he never does? I’m kinda surprised by that. Also I feel like they’re a little past round three rn lol. And ugh Jane defends him by saying he bought her drinks once– when she had no money and no ID. And wait this needs to slow down because I have many questions???? When was this drinks-buying?? Who else was there?? And does this mean she now DOES have ID? What name is on it?? And lbr who would think she was underage anyway? Surely no one would bother to card her. But ugh the main takeaway from this moment is that HER HAND IS ON HIS SHOULDER AS SHE SPEAKS. UNNECESSARY AND LINGERY TOUCHING, MY FRIENDS, AND SO RECENTLY AFTER THE ALMOST-KISSING. THERE IS NOTHING UNINTENTIONAL OR INNOCENT ABOUT THAT. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. And then ugh Patterson gets a text with details from one of the shredded Sandstorm documents– she’s found a new name, a new Sandstorm member for them all to track.

So now they’re all at the NYO, wearing the same clothes, and all I can think about is all of them sharing an Uber to get there lol and I so want to imagine Weller and Jane squished up against each other in the backseat with Zapata smirking on Jane’s other side and deliberately taking up as much room as she can, but I feel that logically it would have been the three ladies in the backseat and Weller in the front. Sigh, logic sucks. Anyway they look at the details they found on Devon, who was arrested for weapons smuggling, most likely for Sandstorm. Weller wants to bring her in, but Jane says she won’t talk if they do– so she offers to go undercover instead. Nice thought, honey, but given that you’re kinda the heir to the Sandstorm throne, this is one undercover op you can’t do. And ughhh Zapata’s got her determined face on and says 'let me in, Coach’ and ugh she brushes aside his objections and tells him they need to step things up if they want to get ahead, and ugh he doesn’t like it but looks at Jane and she looks back at him and even without a single word exchanged he knows she agrees with Zapata and so he gives in. Ugh my amazing in-tune babies. But because he’s Weller, he’ll only allow it if there’s safety measures in place, because he needs to protect her any way he can. And so no one– not even the arresting officers– know that this is a sting. So what did they have her arrested for though?? They must have made something up, bc it totally wouldn’t be the Coach Jones thing. There’d be no way to wipe that slate clean. But anyhow back in the present, Weller is still very unhappy about her not calling for help, and she’s all 'dude I started that fight on purpose and could have ended it in a heartbeat if I wanted to’ and ugh he’s so uncomfortable about it and worried about the consequences and tells her he’s pulling the plug– but she calls him out bc they both know they’ll never get another shot at Devon if they stop now. Remember what I said about that understanding she and Weller have? This is a good example of that. He doesn’t concede, though, just compromises, because he’s still the boss and looking after his family is still his #1 priority, even above Sandstorm. And then aaahhh Zapata gets back to her cell and finds her bed on fire, and one inmate tells her she’s lucky that they waited til she wasn’t in it. Daaamn. I think my baby knows now that Weller was right. I bet she wishes she had him (or probably Jane instead, lbr) in here with her rn, someone she knows has her back, someone that would keep her from feeling afraid. Ugh my poor sweet baby is in over her heaaaaddd

Ugh Weller walks back into the bullpen and Jane immediately looks up from her screen and asks him how Zapata is doing. Sidenote though: do these guys not have allocated desks, because Weller’s team just seems to sit anywhere. Maybe they can do that bc they’re the elite lol, everyone else just gives up their spot at a single look from one of the Super Squad. It’s probably considered an honour. But also, what is on her screen rn?? It’s a picture of some kind of room, maybe a kitchen, bc it looks like there’s cabinets or something? Are there cameras in her safehouse and she’s watching over Roman? Surely not, right?? Ugh idk. But anyway Weller tells her that Zapata is as bullheaded as ever, and now hmmm, who does that remind me of lol? And ugh Jane stands but can only nod in response, and then when he heads for his office she takes a deep breath and follows. Oohhhhhhh boyyyyyy. It’s happening. Good luck, honey. And lol I love that Weller is very confused when he finds Jane silently following him into the office, but his first question is if she’s okay. I wonder if he thinks she’s coming to talk about ~them~, especially when she tells him there’s something she’s been meaning to talk to him about? But then ughhh she says it’s about Roman and she looks so terrified, standing there behind the chair, holding onto it like it could protect her and oh man her heart must be racing rn bc she knows how huge this is, and how easily it could destroy them, and ugh she’s so terrified to lose him but she can’t keep lying and so she just says it with tears in her eyes and ugh Weller looks like she just slapped him and she rushes to explain and to defend Roman but Weller is fixated on how long she’s known, how long she’s kept it from him. And ughhhh has it really already been a few weeks? Crap that really is bad. Dammit, Jane, you should have never let more than a few days go by. A few days to process is understandable. A few weeks must seem like deliberate deceit and ugh I can’t deal with the way his face crumples when she tells him that, like it’s almost the worst part of the whole thing and he physically steps back from her and holy shit Sully is killing it because I have actual tears in my eyes watching this scene (and he certainly has them in his) and ugh her voice is getting higher and faster as she desperately tries to explain, and he’s still so silent, reeling, until suddenly he just explodes and advances on her, accusing her of lying to him to protect Roman, to get him released from his cell, and she swears that it was HIM she was trying to protect and ugh she’s telling the truth (yes, she wanted to protect Roman, but I do believe she was trying to find a way to spare Weller this heartbreak too) and she tries to tell him that but he just turns away and she knows he won’t be able to believe it and ugh he tells her she has breached their trust 'as friends’ (mmmm-hmmmm, because that’s all they are) and ughhhh they’re both so close to crying as she apologises again and he tells her that she’s also cost them a lead they could have been following and ugh she tries to fix it by saying she’ll work with Roman and Dr Sun to bring out more details of who else is involved but maaan that was the wrong thing to say and he basically forbids her from doing any such thing and then kicks her out of his office and ughhhhh when he turns away he’s working so hard to hold back the tears and I’m headcanoning that he immediately finds something breakable and dispensable that he can destroy while Jane heads straight for the most deserted spot in the NYO (lbr she knows where all the hiding places are) and just sobs because she must feel like history is repeating and she’s lost him for good this time and she hates herself for doing what she did but she was torn in so many different directions– protecting Weller, protecting Roman, protecting herself– that it all just got away from her and then it was too late and ughhhhh my baby needs a huuuuggggg

Nawww Zapata’s sitting all alone– conveniently at the table closest to the door where people walk in with their meals– when Devon sits down with her and ugh I am kinda really hoping they actually become friends? And ugh I love that we get to hear Zapata talking with an accent again, and telling her fake backstory, but lol honey don’t lay it on too thick about not being a snitch and being loyal to your people and all that haha. And then dude why would you ask about the scar, you don’t wanna seem like you’re prying… but actually it doesn’t seem to matter, bc Devon is actually kinda more wide-eyed and innocent than I expected? Like she’s not all hardened-criminal, which is a surprise. She just admitted some pretty identifying details which I feel like most wouldn’t do. And ugh Liz walks in and Devon and Zapata look at each other like two little nerdy kids who know the bully is about to come for their lunch money and ugh I know they’re both way better in a fight than I am but I still just want to like pull them behind me and protect them lol

Oh dear. Patterson is having some computer troubles, and it turns out that one of her lil lackeys– Stuart– installed an OS update on half the computers, meaning that half are now pretty much useless for a day, which reaaaally pisses her off. Lucky Weller has just arrived, though, so he can defuse the situation before it turns into something unpleasant. Poor Stuart basically runs away, looking like he needs a change of pants. Poor guy. I like him. Hope the update was an honest error and not some sneaky Sandstorm thing. Ugh and then Patterson just launches into her spiel about the intel Zapata sent, not even noticing the crazy amount of tension that fills the room when Jane walks in. Ugh it hurts me how Jane hesitates, looking at Weller, as if she’s trying to figure out if she’s welcome or should leave. But he doesn’t make an indication for her to get out– just turns away– so the two of them just stand either side of Patterson and avoid looking at each other. Patterson’s found the owner of the gun range Devon used to work at, and they wonder if he is also the boyfriend– even though he’s like twenty years her senior. Surely not, though, because she’s just far too pretty to be with a grizzled old thing like him. I much prefer the thought that her boyfriend might be Sandstorm. Weller gives Patterson the order to have the guy brought in, then walks out without a word to Jane– and ugh the defeated look on her face as she turns to leave via the other exit hurts me. Meanwhile Patterson finally picks up on the weirdness– I mean, with just the three of them left of the team, it’s kinda hard not to notice when the two of them that are normally joined at the hip can barely look at one another…

Ugh they’ve brought the guy in but Weller is interrogating him alone. This is normally the exact kind of suspect he would want Jane there for, since dudes (well, everyone, but dudes in particular) tend to like opening up to her. And okay he’s not the boyfriend– he also mentions she was a teenager when she worked for him eight years ago?? Which means Devon is literally around my age at the very oldest, and possibly younger? Ugh this messes with my life view a little bit haha. But oooh he remembers her boyfriend– skinny, pale, cold blue eyes, hell of a shot– and for a moment I’m like ‘wait, Roman??????’ (Bc honestly that’s actually a pair I could get behind) but then nope, Weller shows him a picture of Parker and the guy confirms it’s him. Really?? Really??? Parker is so slimy and strange-looking and unlikable and Devon is so gorgeous and kickass and awesome?? I don’t agree with this match at all, but then again I will admit I am biased bc I’ve definitely got a girl-crush on Ronda and think she’s totally gorgeous so maybe I’m not the best judge. Ugh. Well, I guess if he makes her happy… also lol now Weller and Jane and Patterson are in the bullpen and Weller and Jane are standing waaay further apart than they normally would, and though Jane looks at him when she speaks, he refuses to look at her. Sigh, my babies. But anyway, now their initial plan has changed– instead of just getting to Devon, they need to use Devon to get to Parker. 

Zapata’s on it; offering her phone if Devon wants to call him. Naww, look at these two being buds now. But then oh shit Liz comes with her gang, and someone shanks Devon in the gut. I literally shouted 'noo!!’– and okay lol I think I am maybe a bit too attached to this random guest character. Damn girl-crush. But ughhh Zapata yelling for help is so heart-wrenching, ugh my baby. And then she calls the team later and ugh I love that Jane is using the phone call as an excuse to stand close to Weller (I understand honey, I’d take what I could get too) and lol I also love Patterson’s “Why would you do that?!?” when Zapata says she picked a fight with one of the other inmates. Weller wants to pull them both out but Zapata refuses, saying that will tip Devon off that something is going on, but he doesn’t care, he only wants his friend safe ugh. But omg Zapata’s like 'let me get her out another way’ and Patterson’s 'you mean, besides with permission??“ hahahaha. Yes, honey. That’s exactly what she means. And oooooh this means two of my fave shows are now coming together, because this is totally about to be a prison break woooo. And ugh "I’m not asking you for permission, I’m asking you for help’. Sigh, poor Weller. He’s really being put through hell by his angels today…

Ooooohhh Roman’s in the gym, being watched very closely by his detail (god I hope at least one of them isn’t straight so they can get some entertainment out of this) and oh boy Weller’s walkig in and removing his watch and his tie and uhhhhhhh buddy, the way you’re holding that tie looks a little like you’re about to strangle Roman with it, and you know that that’s a thing you really shouldn’t do, right?? Right??? But thankfully the tie goes away (the camera peeps probably just didn’t want it dangling in Luke’s face in the shot haha) and he offers to spot Roman, then a moment later tells him that Jane came to see him and told him the truth and Roman’s eyes just flicker a little bit like he knows some kind of punishment has to be coming and he’s okay with it. And then Weller pushes down on the bar, pressing it into Roman’s chest, and his detail are all like 'Sir??’ because their entire job is to protect Roman but what are they supposed to do when the person Roman needs protecting from is the boss that gave them the order in the first place?? And ugh Roman apologises and says he should have told him right away and ughhhh Weller asks if she suffered (lbr what kind of idiot would say yes to that) and ughhhhh this is so intense and then suddenly Weller lifts the bar up (ooohh, nice muscles) and puts it back on the rack thing before walking away– but Roman halts him, apologising and telling him he’s not that person anymore since Shepherd erased his memory– and oooh Weller did you just remember that you yourself have forced Jane to lie to someone she cares about?? Mmmm-hmmm, maybe you shouldn’t get too settled on your high horse, given that you were the one that convinced her lying to someone was okay for the right reasons… And then ugh Roman says he understands if he has to go back in the cell, but he asks him not to blame Jane, that she was just trying to do the right thing, and ughhhh I love this sibling bond. They care about each other so muuuuchhh and I believe Roman totally knows how she feels about Weller and just ugh. Weller is still all *angry face* tho and strides out and ugh why must the writers hurt us all like this

Back in the bullpen, Jane and Patterson are going over some details as Weller heads back towards his office, and since Jane can’t exactly say 'hey Patterson, can you call Weller over’ she just steels herself and calls out to him, only faltering slightly when he glares daggers in her direction, before stomping up there like a grumpy bear. Patterson can clearly see the tension now– like Jane actually seems to be legitimately afraid of him rn, which is all kinds of wrong and she knows that something has dfinitely happened. She rolls with it well though– doesn’t really have much other choice– and takes them through the escape plan. And ugh the fact that the infirmary is key to the escape and that they will get out the door by cutting the power is making me kind of emotional. And Weller snarks that there has to be a backup generator, and Jane answers that it’s old and takes a while to kick in. Duh, son, I mean they have been going right through this plan together while you were off terrorizing your future brother-in-law. And ugh just now was the first time he’s looked directly at her since they were in his office and ugh I’m emotional about ittttt

Lolllll Zapata has made a mini-taser from her flip phone and idk why but it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Like yeah okay, show, I’ll just take your word for this one. I love that she just tases one guard and then is able to get Devon out. Good thing the girl wasn’t hard to convince. And loollll Weller’s doing a little more roleplay this week, this time as an electrician, getting all awkward as the guard literally stands over his shoulder. And lollll he starts to cough all over his flashlight and then asks the guard to hold it for him, brushing the cough off as nothing and probably not whooping cough like his kids have got. Well that’s what you would get for not vaccinating your fake-kids, fake-electrician Weller! His ploy works entertainingly well though (my boy ain’t dumb, though it seems like the guard is) and the guy all but runs away, leaving him to it. Patterson and Jane are out in a van nearby, and she tells him to look for a labelled switch. Except there’s none of either. Just wires. And they’re seriously running out of time, bc Zapata and Devon are already approaching the door. Patterson works some magic and Weller cuts the right wires– but the two ladies run into Liz and one of her lackeys (I love Patterson’s "This is very not ideal” and Jane’s “No, get to the fence” commentary as they watch on the monitor lol) and then ugh Zapata and Devon go full badass and have a huge showdown with the other inmates and daaamn I love watching kicakass women fight?? And they get out the door just before the power comes back on (man that was a quick three minutes) and are heading striaght for the live fence– but Jane has their backs. She’s outside the van with a massive gun, shooting the crap out of the backup generator just seconds before the two of them hit the fence. Ugh I’m so proud of her. The two are over and out in moments (shouldn’t there be guard towers or something tho?) and Zapata cleverly lets Devon drive, making her think she’s in charge. Weller and Jane follow in the van, listening into the women’s conversation over the comms as Zapata gently manoeuvres Devon into leading them to a Sandstorm hideout. I’m already so sad for the moment Devon finds out this was all a trap bc I really think she already considers Zapata a true friend and ugh I just really like her okay

And then ughhhh Weller starts to tell Jane about talking to Roman (Patterson has headed back to the NYO so they’re alone in the van) and Jane acknowledges his anger but asks him to direct it at her, not at Roman, and he almost laughs at that– ah the mayhem twins, each always trying to protect the other. He has a sister too; he can understand it. But he’s determined to be angry at both. She reminds him that, like her, Roman isn’t the same person he was before the zipping, and asks Weller to look past his previous mistakes the way he did with her. But uhhhh Jane, Weller isn’t in love with Roman. So the two situations can never be the same. Ugh but the way her voice breaks and she looks down as she begs him to give Roman another chance?? And ughhh the tears in his eyes when he tells her about losing Emma, losing the only other person who was as affected as he was by the loss of Taylor, how alone he felt, and now the realisation that she was killed because of her connection to him— that’s the real source of his anger. It’s pain, not only at Jane’s lies, but at the fact that he now has to live with Emma’s death on his conscience as well as Taylor’s. Jane quietly tells him she knows how that feels, because she does– and seriously writers, putting in that Mayfair flashback was super unnecessary. Trust me, none of us have forgotten. And hell, some of us are still holding onto hope of her being alive, so keep that traumatising junk to yourself. But ugh Jane comforts him an promises him that they’re going to get Shepherd, who he’s realising is the real person he should be angry at right now. And let’s not forget, he said himself just a week or two ago that Roman was merely a soldier following the orders of a monster. If he meant that then, he has to believe it now. I mean, I can totally see how hard it would be to focus all that pain on someone firmly out of your reach when a convenient scapegoat– two, in fact– are right there in front of you, but Weller’s not the same guy who arrested Jane that night without giving her a chance to explain or defend herself. He’s learned and grown, and this time instead of turning from her, he’ll turn to her, and together they’ll face down the real enemy. And hopefully with a little bit of making out along the way.

Uh oh, Devon’s bleeding is getting worse– though she insists she’s fine– and Zapata dials up the pressure, asking her how her boyfriend would feel if something happened to her and he could have prevented it. And Devon gives in, calling him and ugh when she says she’s being helped by a friend, Zapata looks away bc she totally feels guilty and ugh my babies I just want you to be BFFs okay?? Parker gives her a place to meet, and Weller gets Patterson to send a team there. Except then Devon pulls into a scrap metal yard and Zapata’s all ??? and Jane immediately tells Weller when the tracker goes off-course, who immediately knows that things aren’t good. They’re only two miles away, but that might still be too late… And then Zapata’s like 'oh shit’ bc Parker is meeting them there instead– Devon used a code when she mentioned that the car should be turned into scrap metal– and so she quickly puts the phone in her boobs, which all women know is the best place for phones to be kept safe. And ugh she knows that the moment she steps out of the car she might be shot and ugh I’m so worried for her, and also miffed that Parker gets to hug Devon like I bet this random actor guy is super excited about getting to play Ronda’s bf (grumble grumble) and ugh anyway Zapata gets out and Devon is all happy to introduce her friend but he’s just like “Special Agent Zapata” and lol I love that he uses her title?? He could have just said her name. I approve of him being respectful tho haha. But ugh then he pulls a gun on her, which is not very respectful, and Devon looks upset that Zapata tricked her (nooooo please still be friends) and Zapata fights back (nice shot to the balls there, girl. I strongly approve) but gets knocked out and ughhhh where are they taking her and what are they doing to her and ugh Jeller arrive too late and then Patterson directs them to where the phone last had a signal and ughhhh Parker is going to use Zapata to lure Weller and Devon looks so sad and ugh can we steal her like we did with Jane and Roman? She could totally be on our side… 

Uh oh. Patterson is trying to turn Zapata’s phone back on– and thus find her and possibly save her life– and her computers start glitching up again, and oh dear Stuart is right in the firing line, and ugh the poor guy didn’t know that they’re supposed to do a bugcheck before installing a new update and omg she literally grabs him and shoves him into a wall and in a way it’s almost comical bc he’s like a lot taller than she is but it’s also super sad bc she’s convinced he’s working for Sandstorm or something and when she’s all “WHO DO YOU WORK FOR??” (Ask him three times, honey, then he’ll have no choice but to tell you the truth) and he says “I work for you! I’m sorry!” and ughhh he’s such a terrified lil puppy and everyone else is watching in shock and then she suddenly realises what she’s doing and legit bails from the room?? Like uh honey your team does still need you…? And then Weller tries to contact her, and who takes the reins but Stuart, telling him that Patterson had to step away (such loyalty ugh) but that Zapata’s phone came back on and he sends them the blueprints of the place. Atta boy Stuart! And Jane shows Weller the blueprints and he tells her that when the team arrives he wants her to take half and enter via the walkway to the second floor, and he’ll take the other half via the front. She’s surprised, questioning whether they shouldn’t just go in together like usual, but he shakes his head and tells her that she’s the only one he trusts out there, and ugh he looks her in the eye as he says it and she’s the one that has to look away bc she doesn’t feel deserving of it after what she did and ughhhh save me from this helllllll

Ugh they get to the location and Weller sees the blood in the trunk and ugh he must be so worried for her and he and Jane both immediately split up and take command of their individual teams– I looooove seeing trained FBI agents follow Jane’s command ugh, and she even seems to know at least some of them by name ugh– and Weller reminds his team to take all suspects alive and ughhhh this is so totally a trap and I’m worried. And then omg Zapata screams Weller’s name and god it just makes your heart stop. But she’s okay; she’s just tied to a chair on a tiny little platform– but unfortunately one rigged with explosives. She tells him she doesn’t know where Parker and Devon went, but she sees movement just in time to warn him, and he takes cover as Devon shoots at him. I appreciate that she doesn’t shoot Zapata. Weller pulls some kind of big rolling metal thing to shield both himself and Zapata, and Jane reaches the upper level just in time to draw the baddies’ fire. Trusting her to take care of it, Weller leaves his cover and drags a fridge over to switch out for Zapata– this guy has totally watched a lot of Indiana Jones, hasn’t he. And loooolll she’s almost offended, like 'you think I weigh as much as a fridge???’ and he snarks back that there’s no minifridge around so it’ll have to do haha. And ugh when he tells her his plan– one that could easily get him killed right along with her, she just smiles at him with kinda teary eyes and for once doesn’t argue or give him any crap. She just trusts him, because he’s her family and she knows he’ll do whatever it takes to save her. And Indy would be proud, because the plan works, and they both get to safety. And haha Zapata: 'okay, I guess I weigh as much as a fridge’ hahaha. Well if it’s any consolation, it looked like a really light fridge??

Jane’s lil buddy is going head-to-head with Parker, so Jane takes on Devon, and daaaamn yet another badass lady fight. But it’s an unfair one, bc Jane can’t– won’t– kill her. She manages to pull Devon up as a shield right at the moment Parker shoots, getting Devon in the shoulder, distracting Parker long enough for Weller to get there and take him down. And now they’ve got them both, and ugh I love that Jane is almost hugging Devon, keeping pressure on her wound and preventing her from escaping. Can they become friends too? Devon seemed to know Remi’s name when Parker mentioned it earlier; I wonder if they knew each other before? Would she follow Jane now, like she would have followed Remi then?? Look I just love Devon okay???  

Oooh Weller vs Parker in the interview room. Also I am totally digging Weller’s open collar here?Ugh he just looks so cool and in control and that tension he’s been carrying seems to have eased a bit because they are finally getting somewhere, finally in a position to really take Shepherd down and ugh I am so happy for him. But ugh clearly Zapata doesn’t feel the same; she has no time to wait Parker out, she literally wants to torture it out of him right now. Woah, woman, where’s this coming from?? What has made her suddenly so determined to take down Sandstorm asap? Was it the fact that she nearly died today, bc that happens literally almost every day, so…? I mean she is super angry rn and ready to do just about anything to get Shepherd. Maybe the writers just did it this way just so we can see how steady Weller is now, and how much he’s grown and no longer has that temper he used to? But woahhh Zapata is really getting heated and won’t listen when he says no. Oooh maybe it was the fact that Shepherd’s people are now trying to kill him too?? She’s already without Reade, maybe she can’t face the thought of losing another family member. But ugh poor Weller is confused by all this rage coming from her and he keeps trying to get her to rein it in and ugh poor guy must feel like he’s fighting a losing battle just to keep his team afloat– like Reade is already on the bench and Patterson is burning out and now Zapata is losing it too?? And he can’t turn to Jane right now because he’s just pushed her away– and has to deal with his own feelings in regards to that– and ugh seriously man I think you just need to accept that everything’s going to hell and you need Jane by your side in order to get through this… 

Speaking of Patterson and her issues, she’s talking with Dr Sun (still feel like his is a bad idea) about the way she snapped in the lab, and Dr Sun is asking of she trusts herself and ugh my baby admits she is always second-guessing herself now and ugh she’s crying because she had no closure with the whole Borden thing and ughhhhhh I am so upset for my precious baby like seriously can Weller just call all his girls together and just all have a really big, really long group hug bc ugh all four of them need it really bad

Oh boy. The locker room. Jeller scenes in this room are always a source of either great joy or great pain and I feel like it’s definitely not going to be the former. I can dream though, right? Maybe he’s decided that despite everything he needs her, and maybe they’ll hug??? Right??? Ugh. But I’m curious as to what Jane is searching for in her pockets? Probably just one of those acting things where they have to look like they’re doing something all the time. And then ugh Weller is there and ugh he just stares at her back for a moment and then walks up to her all slow and takes a deep breath like he’s working himself up to it and then his voice is quiet and almost a little thick as he asks her for a raincheck on that dinner and omg this moment is already killing me bc firstly he didn’t have to ask. He could have just said that the dinner wasn’t happening anymore and walked away– or even said nothing at all, and she would have still known better than to try to show up. And then there’s the fact that he said 'raincheck’ which everyone knows means 'reschedule for another time’– like does this mean that the dinner will eventually happen? Tbh it’s really not feeling like a 'I rescind my invitation forever’ and more 'I can’t deal with everything right now but someday I’ll be ready to pick up where we left off’ and ughhhh my baby boy. Jane is all 'uh, yeah, of course’ because lbr she already assumed his invitation had been voided by what she’d done… like literally this conversation doesn’t even need to be happening rn bc the understanding was clear enough that things aren’t the same as they were this morning, but they’re having it anyway and I am 100% certain because there’s more Weller needs to tell her. And then ugh he says her name and steps closer and she looks up at him all wide-eyed like she’s half afraid his next words will be something like 'I’m arresting Roman’ etc, but she also somehow knows that that’s not gonna be it bc she can hear the vulnerability in his voice and ughhhhh he tells her he knows Roman isn’t the person he was before, just like she isn’t, but he can’t just flip a switch and get over this discovery. And it’s strange but it almost feels like he’s apologising to her for being torn up about it, for letting it get in between them? But of course she’s understanding, because she’s Jane and she loves him more than anything, and ugh she tells him she wishes she could change the past and that she would do a lot of things differently and you just know that the list of things she would change and the list of ways that she has hurt him are pretty much one and the same. And ugh he agrees that he would do things differently too, and man I hope that Jane understands– as we do– that he means arresting her and letting the CIA take her, not that he would change the connection between them or how he feels about her. And ugh he says goodnight and walks out and ughhh her whispered 'goodnight kurt’ and the way she’s like clutching her jacket against herself is just so upsetting and she blinks a few times like she’s trying not to cry and ughhhh why must they go through such paaaaaiiinnnnn

Oooh Zapata has gone to Reade’s, and aww he apologises for not having 'anything stronger’– he must have gotten rid of all the alcohol in the apartment and be really cleaning himself up and ugh I’m so prouddd. And she’s there to vent about work and says she doesn’t have anyone else to talk to (c’mon now, Jane would listen– though then again Zapata knows that Jane would side with Weller on this particular issue) and ugh when Reade tells her she has Weller, she sasses that no one can really talk to Weller– except Jane. Ughhh, they really all do see it. They all know. But I feel like she’s being a bit unfair to Weller– he is actually working really hard to support the team, and would never turn any of them away if they needed to talk. I appreciate that Reade pretty much says the same, but that just starts Zapata on her little tirade about how they’re being held back by dumb things like laws and moral codes and should be fighting dirty instead, and oh boyyy this will end up nowhere good…

Aw, Jane comes home with pizza as Roman is preparing a salad to go with it, and I love that they must have discussed this earlier given that it’s clear she’s only just gotten home from the office. So domestic. And ugh she says how Weller mentioned talking to him and she tries to assure him he’ll come around and ugh Roman doesn’t seem angry but he’s still not very happy either as he says 'I’ll take your word for it’ and ugh I wonder if his chest is bruised from that bar? I wonder how Jane would react if she saw it? I think she’d be upset but he’d be all 'this is how men sort out their problems sis’ and she’d kinda reluctantly accept it, knowing Weller could have done faaaar worse things to him and chose not to. Also sidenote, I never realised that her bedroom opens right up onto the kitchen?? That’s kind of weird. And the doorway is really wide– is there even an actual door on it? That doesn’t feel very private. How are she and Weller meant to have sneaky makeout sessions?? But anyhow Roman cuts his finger– surprising for someone who we know is very skilled with knives– and ugh she goes straight into protective big sister mode and literally goes to fetch a first aid kit. I would have been like 'eh there’s a band-aid in the drawer somewhere if you need it’ lol. But aaaahhhh her attentiveness ends up being her undoing– initially he’s smiling down at her, obviously enjoying that someone cares enough to fuss over him– but then the flashbacks kick in, taking him back to when she was patching him up before Zipping him, and oooohhhhh noooooooooo. This is very not good. And then ugh he confronts her about lying to him and being the Zipper and ughhhh she’s backing away from him slightly and trying desperately to get him to listen to her but oh no Shouty Angry Roman is back and then he grabs the knife and holy shit????? Like okay yes we know he wont kill or even significantly injure Jane, but seriously what the hell happens now?? Like does she take him down and have to bring him in?? Or does he escape and she’s left there to call Weller and ughhhh imagine how devastated she is going to be either way and ugh please let Weller see past his own hurt and be able to comfort her because ugh my baby has just lost one man she loves and she needs the other more than ever rn ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

Smoke & Mirrors: Nineteen - Lexer

Prologue |  Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14 | Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18 | Ch 19 |

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“They what?” Erza voiced what was on everyone’s minds.

Lyon had just finished explaining what Gray had told him. Natsu hadn’t said a word since he had returned from Gray’s mind and was now curled in the foetal position in one of the infirmary beds. Wendy had put them both under a strong sleeping spell to be on the safe side. The side effects from what Rufus had done were not well documented.

“That’s horrible!” Lucy couldn’t help the tears as she glanced up at the open infirmary door.

“It is,” Loke pondered, “…and worse than that, we’ll need to think of a plan B for what to do about those two.”

“There’s something else too.” Freed spoke up. The Raijinshū had just arrived back to the chaos which had just occurred. “On our way back there were whispers of a dark guild having arrived on the outskirts of Magnolia.”

“I wonder if… The ones who took Gray?” Sting questioned.

“They couldn’t be following Gray could they?” Juvia added.

“Look at what they did to him.” Lyon spat the words out hatefully. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they were tracking him.”

“One more thing,” Bixlow grimaced, “and it’s only going to add to our list of problems, but, it’s Gray’s soul. I can’t sense his magic power there at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“Gray no longer has his link to his magic.” He turned to Lucy. “Remember when you and Gray, Natsu and Loke, and Happy and Erza swapped bodies? Natsu said that he couldn’t feel any magic in Loke, and this was way before we knew he was a celestial spirit. It’s something like that, I can sense that Gray no longer has a connection to his magic. It’s that same ‘nothing’ that Natsu described.”

“Shit.”

Gajeel glanced up in surprise, he’d never heard Levy swear before.

“Now that we know for sure that Kakusareta Omoide was the spell used, I know what must have been taken as the sacrifice.”

“Gray’s magic.” Lyon whispered.

“He sacrificed the connection to his magic to keep Natsu safe.” Erza gasped.

Rufus nodded, “We can assume that is the cause. It is no mean feat to take a mages magic from them, but the sacrifice from a spell like that definitely would.”

“That may have solved one problem then.”

When everyone turned to Cana it was a surprise to see that she was grinning.

“If he doesn’t have his magic he can’t kill Natsu, right?”

The collective glare she received from Erza and Lyon was enough to tell the brunette that it may have been a little early for that sort of comment, no matter how much truth it held.

“Remember though when we visited Gray in hospital and he said that it kept getting colder in his room at odd times?” Wendy thought aloud.

“Yeah, he thought it was the air-con…” Lyon grinned. “I didn’t notice it.”

“You wouldn’t though,” Lucy piped up, “like Gray used to. But now he notices the cold not only because he’s weakened but also because he’s lost the connection to his magical power?”

“Not quite. We don’t feel the cold because of our training, though we do need to not feel the cold to be able to comfortably wield ice.”

“Makes sense.” Erza frowned. “So, do you think that it’s possible that it was just that Gray was weakened which caused the odd cold spots?”

“That’s definitely a lot of the reason, but I have a feeling the cold snap occurred when he was emotional–”

“–So his instinctual magic was leaking through!” Juvia cut in excitedly.

Bixlow shook his head. “There is no magic that I can sense, but it is possible that there is still an almost invisible thread of connection.”

“Then that is all we need.”

“Huh?” Everyone turned towards Lyon.

“Well, we may not be able to bring back his memories completely, but I may as well try and help him get things as close to normal as possible. If I can help him to feel more like himself then that’s better than nothing, right?”

No one seemed to know what to say, or even where to start. Their problem list had just doubled, and there was no fixing one problem without another problem arising. One thing they all knew though, was that without Gray and Natsu conscious as well as coherent there was nothing they could do, and they couldn’t even make any decisions regarding their situation either.

It was Gray who broke the silence as a devastated yell turned every head in the room towards the infirmary. For the Dragon Slayers in the room, they could later make out the words “Natsu”, “no” and “I didn’t mean to”.

“I thought you said you’d put them into a dreamless sleep.” Lucy asked.

Panic flitted across Wendy’s face. “I thought I had.’

Lyon had already made it up the stairs before anyone else had even reacted.

~

Blood. So much blood.

Gray wasn’t sure what was going on. He was in pain. He knew that much, but it didn’t feel right.

Blood. So much blood.

Not my blood. Can’t be. It’s on me, but I’m not physically hurt.

Blood. So much blood.

So then why do I hurt so much?

A flash of unmistakable pink caught his eye amongst the red.

“Natsu?”

No reply.

“Natsu!”

Blood. So much blood. Blood on my hands.

“No. I didn’t mean to.”

Blood. So much blood.

“What have I done?”

It was Lyon’s frantic voice which woke him. Pulling him into a much less blood soaked reality. His eyes flitted to the bed next to him where Natsu still lay with his back to him. His stomach clenched as he remembered which memories Rufus’s spell had taken them through.

Natsu saw all that too. Didn’t he? All those memories…

It was little comfort that Natsu knew too. He sat up, staring at his hands which lay face up in his lap. There was so much blood. Now back in reality, his hands were clean, but for how long they’d stay that way he wasn’t sure. Gray still wanted to remember who Natsu was to him, but at what cost? To know him but never be able to see him again? That was something Gray couldn’t bear to think about.

“Gray!”

“Huh?” He hadn’t realised he’d zoned out.

“Are you alright?”

Gray rose an eyebrow, staring at Lyon with an air of incredulous annoyance. What do you think? “I’m fine.”

It was Lyon’s turn to frown.

It was Natsu, however, who spoke first. “Really Gray? I honestly don’t believe you.” He also sat up. Rubbing an arm over his eyes, he continued. “I would be very surprised if you were okay after what we just saw.”

Gray stayed silent.

“Now I need to talk to Gray,” he glanced over at his friend, “in private.”

“Wha–”

Lyon was about to protest but Erza shot him a glare as if to say ‘this, at this point anyway, this is none of our business’. It worked. Lyon led the rest of the guild back down the infirmary stairs.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave them alone?” Wendy pondered aloud.

“I’m sure.” Erza smiled, “They need to do this. They know exactly what the problem is and it is only them who can make a decision on it.”

“But–”

“Lucy don’t.” Loke spoke quietly, but it was enough to draw the celestial mage’s attention. “They need to do this.”

Back in the infirmary, Gray had turn his whole body on the bed to face Natsu who’d done the same.

“So.” They spoke in unison, but the following silence was painful.

“I– I’m so sorry, Gray, it’s all my f–”

“–Don’t!”

Natsu glanced up from his interlocked fingers in shock.

“Don’t say that!” Gray repeated. “You can’t see that, not after what we both saw. Yes, you may be a part of the reason I was taken, but it is in no way entirely your fault.”

“But–”

“–But nothing! Did you not see the same thing I did? I chose to go through all that to protect you, and I don’t give a shit if you think you could have taken them, because I get the impression that it would have been me they sent after you. He didn’t– no, I didn’t want to go through that, I still don’t. I must have worked out the second part of their plan, so I refused to speak so I wouldn’t be forced to kill you. So you don’t have to apologise, neither of us do. It is what it is. There is no changing that, and we will work something out. I promise you that much.”

Natsu nodded. Caught in Gray’s defiant stare, it was almost like how Gray had looked at him before. The subtle yet not so subtle annoyance, the intense look in Gray’s eyes which Natsu couldn’t quite bring himself to break away from.

“I want to remember you but I don’t want to hurt you, at all. I also don’t want to throw away what I went through to protect you. It would just land me in the situation I am sure I was trying to avoid in the first place.”

Natsu sighed. Gray was right, there was no sound way to fix things without making things worse, but he wanted Gray to look at him the way he used to. There was something missing, something he knew had always been there but it its absence, Natsu was only realising it now. I want it back. “I don’t care about the consequences I want you to remember me! You went through all that to keep me safe but I can’t help but want things back to normal.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know what form this urge to kill you will take, and I don’t want to kill you. I may have wanted to kill E.N.D. once, but knowing that it is you. There is no way I can. Not anymore.”

Natsu glanced up. Doing his best to hide his shock. Those were the exact words Gray had said to him around a year ago when having a very similar conversation. Natsu shook his head. What am I doing!? Gray went through hell and back trying to protect you. Screw dumping that aside for selfish reasons like this! “Wait!”

“Huh?”

“Maybe…” he took a deep breath, “maybe we just don’t try to bring back your memories?”

“We, don’t?” Gray frowned, “that’s not what you were saying moments ago…”

“I know, but what you said before, you’re right. You went through hell to protect me, I don’t want to just throw that away.”

“Ughhh!” Gray thrust his head into his open palms. “I want to know who you were to me!”

Natsu leant forward, easing his hand over one of Gray’s. “I want you to know too but there is no safe way to do this. I can’t put you in that sort of situation again, who knows what it will do to you.”

“I don’t care!”

“But I do!” Natsu cried out.

Gray looked up, tears damp on his cheeks. “I just want to know you. For me to do all that for someone, I want to know why. I want to feel those feeling again.”

“You know who I am now. Is that not enough?”

Gray didn’t have to reply.

They both knew that it wasn’t enough at all, but they also knew that it may just have to do. That was the part which hurt the most.

~

“They still haven’t worked out what we did to Gray. Our plan is working out, Master.”

“Are you sure?” Kain pressed the younger guild member.

“They were in the process of finding out what Gray went through with us. So they’ll know soon enough, but–”

“They’ll know about the failsafe too then.” Fae growled, she shot a glare at her brother. “If they know about the failsafe you put in, then they won’t try bring the Demon Slayer’s memories back. The whole plan’s finished because you couldn’t control the sp–”

“You know what though? I saw the way that pink haired guy was around the Demon Slayer.” He smirked, “I think they’ll try reverse my spell anyway. Natsu wants to be remembered, and Gray wants to remember him. They’ll think of something.”

“It’s quite sweet really.” Fae thought aloud, but soon regretted it as her brother spat out a sharp reply.

“Sickeningly sweet. What I’ve had to deal with, I–”

“Yes, Brother, we all know what you had to deal with, but you were the only one qualified.” She gave him a shove, her face settling in a stony glare. “At least you didn’t have to work in the kitchens.”

Kain rose an eyebrow. “Shut it will you, you two. I’m beginning to question why I let you join this guild at all.” He shook his head. “Do they still trust you, Lexer?”

“I cared for their friend for over a year, then came to check on him once he was out of hospital, of course they still trust me. Better still, I have a feeling they think I care.”

“Good.” Kain smirked, glancing round the room at the other five mages who’d been listening carefully to their conversation. “We still have a little bit of time then.”

“Yes, Master.” Matt laughed mirthlessly. “They won’t know what hit them.”