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interlunium-opus · 2 years

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▶︎ DISMANTLING ALMOSTS. [Sunghoon.]

Part 1: "Beyond 7 Minutes in Heaven"

Abstract: Two weeks have passed since your bestfriend, Park Sunghoon, kissed you unexpectedly during a round of 7 Minutes in Heaven. Since then, you have done nothing but avoided Sunghoon like a plague. Like gravity however, you two were forced into one another’s orbit again thanks to a Winter Outing which the university held. With nowhere else to run to, you guys were forced to confront the elephant in the room.

Genre: friends-to-lovers (or will it, hmm 😋) | Word count: ~10.9k

Taglist: @woniebae | @angel-hyuckie | @sfthyuka | @sweetjaemss ((heheh I've tagged all those that mentioned that they wanted to be tagged in Part 1 -- sorry if I've missed out anyone :( ))

“Something must have happened between you and Sunghoon that night, I am sure of it. Am I right or am I right?” Jay, who was seated next to you, pried for the umpteenth time. You glared at him, “Jay, not now. The President of the Student Union is speaking.”

“As if you’ve ever paid attention to him,” Jay scoffed, “you know the more you deflect away from these questions, the more curious and persistent I will get. Perseverance is my middle name after all.”

“Oh, I’ve always thought meddlesome was your middle name,” you replied flatly, “Also I’ve never deflected. I’ve told you only about a billion times that nothing happened.”

“Bull.shit.” he whispered to you with extra emphasis, “Even the average Joe can see that something is amiss with the campus’ inseparable duo. You guys looked as if you guys have been avoiding one another like a plague since that night that one would have to be blind to not notice it.”

“We’re on winter break, of course we’re not together 24/7,” you grumbled, face impassive.

It has in fact been two weeks since that night and well, Jay was not entirely wrong for you have indeed not talk nor met with Sunghoon since then. While Winter Break could have been a factor, both you and Jay know very well that that was not the case. After all, your Winter Break thus far has been mostly spent on campus grounds, for revisions in the library and student union duties. Same goes for Sunghoon who had to spend most of his Winter Break on campus for his Ice Skating training. In other words, you had plenty of opportunities to see or talk to your best friend — except you never did because at every instances you spot any sign of Sunghoon, you just run for cover like some sort of criminal. It was childish, you know. You thought you’ve got it under control, that you can act rationally and nonchalant if you see him and yet at the slightest sight or sign of him, everything just feels like it was crumbling and you found yourself running for the nearest cover: the bathroom; an empty class; cafeteria; Janitor’s closet; behind your friends; behind strangers; and the list goes on. It was as if seeing him after that kiss, if you can even call it a kiss, something changed. Not that you had even given yourself any time of the day to ruminate on what exactly had changed — you were too fearful to explore the depths of your feelings.

Paradoxically, despite often being praised for being a natural problem-solver, this simple thing is one problem you have no idea how to tackle: after all, how were you supposed to act after that? do you address it? ask if he was out of his mind? or would bringing it up means you’re overreacting to it when it was actually no big deal? so should you just feign nonchalance? act as if it was nothing or it was normal? or should you just pretend that it never happened? — ugh, whatever, you found yourself concluding every time the whole conundrum arose in your head. In the end, you thought wholeheartedly, it was just easier to not think about it and the best way to prevent it from being brought to the forefront of your mind is to avoid the root of all problems at all cost: Park Sunghoon himself. Thus, this leaves you with the easiest option, to run away. You know you can’t keep on running away forever but at least you thought once Winter Break ends, you should be back to your old rational and collected self and therefore will be able to face the issue head-on. Easy peasy.

Except, life don’t work that way, they don’t bend to anyone. Just like how you can't evade him in campus during the Winter Break. Here, far in the mountainous range of the East, at the Winter Outing which he never signed up all these years despite always being specially invited, somehow Sunghoon appeared.

“Speak of the devil,” you hear Jay mutter under his breath as the door of the lounge swung open. It was to your horror (though to the delight of many), Park Sunghoon. As if a natural reflex by now, you immediately sunk in your seat, trying to hide yourself.

“Apologies,” Sunghoon muttered, apologetic over interrupting the President’s speech, before looking around awkwardly to find an empty spot to sit on.

“Should I call him to join us?” Jay smirked playfully. You glared at him, seething, “Ha funny. The row is full Jay.”

“He can always sit on my lap,” he snickered, “Or yours.”

“You’re insufferable,” you spat, “Why is he here anyway? Don’t tell me this is all your doing Jay.”

“Hello, in case you forgot, this Winter Outing that we are hosting is open to everyone, why can’t he be here?” Jay raised his eyebrows, “I mean if there’s anyone who’d be more excited for a Winter Outing, it should be the Ice Prince himself — he gets to be in his element.”

“But he never likes these outings. Also, it coincides with his Winter break training so he should be back at the campus,” you retorted, “Seriously, Park Jongseong, as the Head of Events of the Student Body, you didn’t even bother telling me that he was joining?”

“Dude, you usually have zero care in the world about non-substantive matters like these,” he replied acidly, “also, come on. He’s your bestfriend, if nothing happened that night, you should be rejoicing now that he’s here with us. Maybe we can play another round of Truth or Dare to set things right? Right.”

You glared at Jay — if eyes could shoot lasers, he’d smithereens by now.

“You know what, I guess not. Seems like he’s got company,” Jay jutted his chin out as if pointing to someone. You slowly followed his gaze, trying to be discreet while at it. Trailing closely behind Sunghoon and then sitting close next to him was an impeccably beautiful girl with long wavy locks, pouty and glossy pink lips, a smile that could instantly light up a room and legs that could go on for days.

“Isn’t she that First Year everyone is raving about?” You elbowed Jay, “No wonder she’s been making waves in campus — she’s gorgeous, ethereal even. The two of them looks straight out of pictorials side-by-side — like a match made in heaven.”

“That’s what everyone said — didn’t work out though,” Jay said nonchalantly. You immediately turned to him, mouth ajar, wondering if you had misheard him. Jay raised his brows, bemused by your confused expressions, “what? You didn’t know? They used to date. In high school.”

“How come he never told me about this?”

“I'm pretty sure if you had actually asked him about it, he would have told you," Jay shrugged, "knowing you though, I bet you never did given how topics like these are just out of your realm of interest."

“Okay fine, you have a point,” you rolled your eyes before badgering him further with questions, unable to mask your curiosity, “Did they date long? I mean they look perfect together, why did it end?”

“I guess you can consider it long, they dated for like 2 years. They broke up when Sunghoon was in his final year. Kind of surprising really — they match each other so well, from aesthetics to interests. I guess, they were just too busy for each other at that time — him with Ice Skating, her with modelling — Oh wait, pretty boy is looking this way —"Jay gave a quick nod and waved at Sunghoon’s direction while you froze, not daring to move a muscle as if your life depended on it. Noticing your changing expressions, Jay smirked, “You should sink yourself down further, or maybe just sit on the floor, you’ll hide better that way.”

“Piss of Park Jongseong,” you mouthed. Jay snickered, leaning closer to you as he whispered playfully, “Want to finally tell me what really happened now?”

You sighed to yourself, realizing that your days of running away were numbered.

“Everyone accounted for?” Jungwon, the Student Union President appeared behind you, peering over your shoulders at the checklist you were holding. You nodded, “Yeah, everyone has left for skiing, it’s only us here now.”

“Finally!” Jay, who had been holding the main door open, groaned, “can we go now? The jocks aren’t blessed with patience as a virtue, they will riot soon — we are already making them wait for the match for like what, 5 minutes? That is equivalent to 5 days in jock terms.”

“Wow, since when is Park Jongseong so punctual?” You stared at Jay in disbelief, grinning sarcastically.

“Since he knew the girls from the campus national athletics team are joining, that’s when,” Jungwon quipped with a smirk, taking out the chalet’s keys and about to lock the door behind you when you guys were suddenly interrupted by a girl’s voice, calling you guys out, “Hi sorry guys-“ it was Sunghoon’s ex, out of breath, yet still as ethereally as pretty as ever, “oh my goodness, sorry I just ran the whole way — I, uh, phew — okay, so uh I left my phone inside. Sorry, I know you guys are about to lock the chalet but-“

“We are in a bit of a-“ Jay quickly replied only to be cut off by Jungwon, whom, with a gentle smile, reassured, “No, don’t worry. We can wait for you. Go on take your time.”

“Thank you so much. You guys are such life savers,” she cooed, her plump glossy lips curving into a picture perfect smile as Jungwon held the door open for her. You can really see just how easily people fall for the girl. She is basically Barbie-personafied: long legs; lean body; plump lips; luscious long locks; large eyes with long eyelashes; red cheeks; melodious voice; animated and cutesy expressions; and a gregarious personality to boot. She is basically the blueprint. You watched as she quickly disappeared into the hallway, leaving only invisible trail of perfume in her wake.

“Really? Take your time?” Jay chided as soon as she was gone from your sight, “Our time is on the line. In case you forgot, I’m the running champion for the ski match for the past 2 years. Actually, if I win this one, which I am sure I will, that’d be 3 but we won’t have a match if you’re late and I wont have enough time to warm up if-“

“Okay okay, we get it,” you rolled your eyes, “He’s right Jungwon, any later, someone is either going to get hurt or they’d just get rowdier, as always. You guys can go ahead then, I’ll stay behind and wait for her. I’ve been to the slopes with you guys last night so don’t worry, I won’t get lost.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? The girl has spoken,” Jay raised his brows at Jungwon who was biting his lips as if hesitating for a second. “Fine,” Jungwon sighed, handing the keys to you, “I’m just a phone call away if there is anything yeah?”

You nodded, waving at them as they rushed towards the direction of the main ski slope where the skiing match was going to be held. Not long after they disappeared from your sight, Sunghoon’s ex appeared beside you, her perfume wafting in the air as if loudly announcing her presence, “Sorry again for the wait! Sunghoon was in a rush earlier so I just dashed without realizing that I’ve left my phone.”

You feel your eyebrow twitch at the mention of his name, though thankfully, no one was around to catch that as you were facing the door, busy trying to lock it. Feeling antsy at the mention of his name, you blurt out, eager to change the subject to anything but Sunghoon, “the boys have gone ahead by the way, I hope you’re okay that it’s just me.”

“Of course, why ever not?” She answered sweetly, tilting her head to the side as she waited for you, “Actually, I have been dying to talk to you since I knew you that you also in this outing.”

“Oh yeah?” you shot her a confused look, “is something wrong or did you need something-?”

“No no. It’s just that I heard a loooooot about you,” she sang, “As the girl, or rather the only girl, that Sunghoon is close with in campus.”

“Oh,” you chuckled drily, trying to feign nonchalance, “I hope all the things you hear have been good so far then? Or have I amassed such a negative reputation without realizing?”

“Oh, don’t worry. Nothing bad,” she emphasized, tilting her head sideways again like a form of reassurance, “though since Sunghoon is such a shy and closed-off boy, a lot of people are dying to know your magic. Geez I still remember how in high school he was just so shy that he came off like an arrogant prick. Like you would have thought he hated you just by the way he acted so curt and indifferent back then though apparently it was just a mistranslation of how shy and flustered he was inside whenever girls shower him with interests and attention. Even after we dated, he was still so shy with other girls, preferring to latch and cling near to me for comfort—”

Kill me now, you thought to yourself, suddenly regretting having even suggested to walk her back alone. I should have just let Jungwon and Jay be late — be selfish for once, all man for themselves, you thought to yourself when suddenly you feel her hand squeezing yours as she gasped loudly, “Oh no, I am so sorry, I am jabbering aren’t I? Really sorry — bad habits die hard.”

“No it’s fine,” you said as you plastered your usual diplomatic smile, “You look like you’ve been enjoying the trip so far so I’m just glad about that.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet,” she cooed, “Yeah. I mean Sunghoon plays a huge part in making the trip memorable so far. Makes me forgot that we even broke up. Oh — I am jabbering again. Goodness me,” she sighed before suddenly sharply turning to you, eyebrows knitted in deep thought as she eyed you suspiciously, “Wait, you … you don’t have a crush on him do you?”

You almost choked on your spit, “I -wha-“

“I mean it’s understandable, most people just fall for him and-“

“No, no— I don’t,” you answered immediately, “Don’t worry, we’re just friends.”

“Oh thank God, I would hate to see another heart break,” she slurred, tilting her head again, “He has grown into such a fine man though, buffer, manlier, and more sociable compared to the skinny, lanky and tight-lipped boy that I used to date.”

"Hmm," you nodded awkwardly, unsure how to respond. Thankfully, just then you started seeing the familiar ‘welcome’ sign, which indicated the start of the slope, "well, here we are. It's good to talk to you today," you muttered, gesticulating towards the side of the slope where people were waiting, “Sunghoon is right there, you should probably run to him now before the match starts — he could probably use some cheering.”

“Certainly, I never missed any of his matches back then — skating, hockey and even skiing — both there as the cheer captain and his girlfriend. This takes me back,” she exhaled, before giving you a gentle pat on the shoulder, “Thank you so much for waiting and walking me back. Duty calls, see you around.”

“No worries,” you waved back, surprised to find yourself heaving a huge, heavy sigh as you watch her join him. Almost immediately, the serious expressions which he usually wore before his matches, lit up at the sight of her. Like magnets, her hand immediately wrapped over his arm, giving a light squeeze as if providing some form of comfort. It all looked so natural — as if it was meant to be, as if it has always been like that. You quickly turned away, heading towards the other side where Jay and Jungwon stood.

“Why the long face?” Jay raised his eyebrows, “also, where’s my good luck?”

“As if you would need any,” you scoffed, holding up your hand for a high five nevertheless, “but, if you insists, all the best champ.”

“Can’t you put a little bit more sincerity in it?” Jay grabbed your hand, pulling you closer towards him.

You sighed, holding his hand with the other free hand, “My dear Park Jongseong, I wish you all the best of luck. I hope you’ll take the trophy again this time. That way, your ego wont be bruised and you’ll get more girls clamouring over you.”

“See? Not that hard, isn’t it. Thank you. I love you as always,” he grinned sarcastically before suddenly grabbing you by the shoulders and turning you around, “I think your other best friend needs a good luck from you too.”

“Jay wha-“ you were about to protest when your eyes landed exactly on Park Sunghoon at the other side of the path, who was already staring back. You feel your breath hitch. Sunghoon isn’t one to stare but then again the Park Sunghoon as of late has been anything but the best friend you knew and the stare he was giving you solidified that. For starters, they were anything but warm. It was almost cold but with so much intensity that no distance could mask, compelling you to break the eye contact. Fortunately, you didn’t have to because Jay, always so boisterous, yelled his good luck to him, “Good luck bud! Break a leg!”

As if broken from a trance, Sunghoon’s serious facial expressions soften as he looked away from you to Jay, yelling back, “Right back at you!”

You took the chance to turn around, shooting daggers at Jay, “You’re an ass.”

“Hey, what have I done wrong?” Jay grinned playfully, “He was staring at us for the longest time — thought he might have wanted a good luck from his best friend too.”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes, “Whatever Jay.”

Throughout the event you tried your best to not look at the direction of Sunghoon for wherever he was, his ex was also there. But in the few instances when your eyes accidentally landed on him, to your horror, he was already staring — his eyes looking as if he was itching to tell you something. But that could all just be in your head, you thought.

Except it wasn’t.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jay suddenly grabbed you by the wrist that night as you were heading the opposite direction of everyone else, “Dinner is that way.”

“I uh- I got like period cramps,” you lied, “So I’m not hungry.”

“didn’t you just have your period like 2 weeks ago? I don’t think you’re going to have it so soon-” Jay was saying before getting cut off as your hands immediately flew to his mouth, stopping him from jabbering any further. You looked around in alarm, trying to make sure no one had heard what he had just said before letting him go and smacking him by the arm, “Dude, someone would easily misunderstand if you say that out loud! Also, why the heck would you know or remember that anyway!”

“Duh! because you were complaining about period cramps 2 weeks ago too while we were at the coffee shop. Also, you’re snappy when you’re on your period, I’ve pretty much connected the dots,” Jay grumbled, wrapping his hand over your arm again like a prized possession that could be stolen any time, “This is getting ridiculous, it’s our 3rd day here and you’re skipping dinner again. Don’t think I have not noticed you sneaking around okay? Because it was bloody obvious — to me at least.”

“I am not sneaking aro-“ you stammered, trying to hold your ground as Jay tugged you towards the other direction, “Park Jongseong, let me go. I am not hungry!”

“Of course you are hungry, you always skip lunch and have early breakfasts, how in the world are you not hungry?” Jay retorted, his grip strong. As you struggled to pry your hands off of Jay’s grasps you noticed, from your peripheral vision, a familiar silhouette standing at the end of the hallway watching you both. To your horror, it turned out to be Sunghoon, again with the staring. His face was so impassive, you wouldn’t know if he was puzzled, annoyed or just staring blankly. Like auto-pilot however panic immediately rose inside of you, triggering some sort of flight response.

“You know what, I have to show you something first,” you blurted out and like magic it worked as Jay stopped tugging you towards him, “We’ll have dinner after this. Just come with me Jay. Now. Stat. Please.”

Jay heaved a huge sigh, shrugging with the other free hand, relenting, “Okay, fine. Show me then. But after that, we both will have dinner. No questions asked. I’m not about to let anyone out of this outing emaciated.”

“Absolutely,” you immediately replied, heaving a huge sigh of relief as you push past the throng of people in the hallway. Your mind was a flurry of mess though. Since talking to Sunghoon’s ex, as if emboldened with a newfound resolve, you had doubled your efforts at avoiding him. Prior to this, you flee at any signs of him, now however you had taken the taxing task to a whole new level by pre-emptively avoiding crowded times so you wouldn’t even see him and therefore wouldn’t even have to run away from him in the first place. This means avoiding peak meal times, avoiding events, and taking on mundane administrative student union tasks like cleaning up or preparing the next venue for the next event and whatnot.

Such was the state of havoc that had been brewing in your mind that unbeknownst to you, you had dragged Jay towards the direction of your room.

“You wanted to show me your room?” Jay asked sardonically, bringing you back to reality as your two stood in front of your door.

“Uh yeah,” you lied, pushing the doors open, “the view actually. It’s beautiful, you have got to see it.”

You hear Jay let out an audible sigh as the doors close behind you two, “I am pretty it’s pretty but we both know you did not just kidnap me to your room to show me your awesome view. I know you saw Sunghoon earlier and the only reason you managed to kidnap me here is because I let you.”

Crossing his arms and feet while leaning against the back of the door, he pressed further, “since we’re alone now, just spill it y/n. I know something is amiss and I know it revolves around Sunghoon. Deflect again and I will really treat everything as normal and I will be, in my most boisterous and annoying extroverted self, pulling you into all events, gatherings, mealtimes — you call it.”

“That a threat?” you scoffed as you sat on the armrest of the couch near your huge window.

“Works like a charm as if I held you at gunpoint doesn’t it?” He clicked his tongue as he walked towards you, eventually taking a seat on the arm rest of the chair next to yours so that you guys were facing each other. With a gentle gaze, he murmured softly, “Don’t just bottle things up y/n — it will just fester in uglier ways.”

You sighed, staring into his eyes longer than usual, contemplating hard. Always so sensitive and understanding, Jay did not hurry you through it. With such a gentle gaze, contrasting his usual hawk-like gaze, he waited patiently — knowing how hard it is for you to express your feelings. Eventually you relented, telling him fully about what had unfolded that night during the 7 minutes in heaven.

“Damn, the kiss should have been such a turning point for you two — but it seems to be a turning point of things going south instead,” Jay shook his head.

“Always leave it to Park Jongseong to put it in the worst light possible,” you replied flatly, mustering a sarcastic smile.

“All these aside, don’t you think it’s a bit childish to keep running away? I don’t know what you’re trying to get from it because it just comes across as if you’re really offended by him or you’re really flustered — so which one is it? Because if the kiss meant nothing to you, you won’t be acting like this.”

You opened your mouth to protest but immediately closed it as his words, which were very true, left you with no more replies to retort with. He was right and you do know it — avoiding Sunghoon was indeed childish. It wasn’t supposed to drag on for this long. You thought after a few days, with clearer mind, you can face him again — feign nonchalance, as if nothing happened but as days passed, it got even harder to face him as if the flight response is already coded into your DNA.

In between your toss and turns in bed at night, you allow yourself to finally ruminate about why you were being so childish and in moments where you allow yourself a shred of honesty and allow yourself to feel with your heart instead of with your head, it seemed to all boil down to how unprepared you are to face the actual reason behind the kiss.

In essence, there should be 2 reasons as to why he had kissed you that night. The first, which is the most likely reason to you, is because he was just messing around. Kissing are indeed not a big deal in today’s age and time so while the kiss might have stupefied you, it’s probably something casual and meaningless for others including Sunghoon. However, you thought over again, Sunghoon is not just like any other average Joe. He doesn’t really engage in unnecessary flirtations and romantic engagements and to top it off, he is far from reckless and is basically the word ‘unadventurous’ personified which means he wouldn’t just kiss anyone. Let alone kiss his best friend on the lips — I mean, best friends don’t do that, right? You often ask yourself.

As much as you hated to even think about it, your train of deduction just somehow lands on that one possibility which you hate to even entertain nor think about: that his feelings for you goes beyond what one should feel for their best friends. But of course, your cynical and pessimistic side are so entrenched that whenever such thoughts crop up you’d just convince yourself of how delusional you are, “Pfft, as if. Not in a million years”.

Having said that, that night has been putting your mind on overdrive with regards to that possibility especially when prior to that there had been a plethora of instances where people have pointed out that Sunghoon might as well be your boyfriend considering his actions to you that has often borderline that of a boyfriend. From the adoring gaze, the teasing, the constant touches, the lack of boundaries, the banters, the protectiveness and so on — all seemingly reserved and unique towards you and no one else.

You remembered one night when Jay brought up how you and Sunghoon might as well date considering how Sunghoon is always staying back with you at the library until late after his practices. “Normal friends don’t do that — that’s too taxing,” he argued, pouting and gesticulating wildly as if he’s a prosecutor in court.

“Maybe he just wants to study,” you replied nonchalantly. Jay scoffed, “yeah right, did he ever?”

You ruminated for a bit, realising that most of the time, if not all of the time, he would just fall asleep. Jay clicked his tongue, “Never right? He just falls asleep, waking up only when you’re packing almost as if he’s there just to make sure he can walk you home.”

“Jay, you’re just projecting,” you shook your head dismissively.

Jay cocked his eyebrows and snapped back, “if we can measure just how romantically-dense you are, you could compare to an Osmium so you’re not one to speak.”

“Ugh whatever. He could also just be a naturally caring person. Caring people exist — even more so if they’re best buds,” you countered. Jay scoffed, “First things first, this is Sunghoon. Sure he has his caring moments but boy is not stupidly selfless, he has his priorities and skating as well as his wellbeing is at the top of that pyramid. So no, he wouldn’t just trade his good night’s sleep after skating practice, just to walk someone home because that someone is always silly enough to stay at the library until late”.

He continued, “at most, if you’re just like any other best bud of his, he would just continuously nag at you to go home early but no, for you, he actually stayed behind. Nothing else screams selfless devotion than that especially if it’s coming from him. Though I presume, it’s a win-win for him too because doing so means he gets to spend more time with you and he can also make sure that you get home safe. Also let me just add, I’m also your best bud and no, I will not do the same, sorry. At most, I will steal your backpack just to force you to go home in time.”

In another instance to shore up his ‘Sunghoon has feelings for you but you’re too dense’ agenda Jay would bring up Sunghoon’s subtle clinginess and protectiveness towards you, “it’s as if you’re his centre of gravity — he just orbits around you and sticks close to you. In a room full of people, he faces you — he might as well be a sunflower with you serving like his own sun. Then, in an area even with empty spaces elsewhere, he still stick close next to you that some parts his body would guarantee to touch yours, be it the shoulder, the arm, the finger — you get the drill.”

“Jay, that’s just rid-“

“Don’t even try — I have noticed sometimes he would link fingers with you or rub circles at the back of your hand when he’s bored too as if you’re his personal stress ball or something? Does that scream normal to you? Because dude we both are also close and while I can hug you just fine, I aint going to be rubbing circles at the back of your hand for no reason,” Jay asserted, looking smug as if you guys were on a debate and he’s winning, “Also, don’t get me started on all the protectiveness — combine it all, you guys just seem like you’re dating.”

You remember opening your mouth to protest but closed it as you couldn’t find an argument to retort back, remembering all the touches that lingered far longer than necessary that you could start to ‘consciously’ feel it, as if they were burning holes. Not that you’d complain though. While you’re not the touchiest person on earth, it’s not bothersome enough for you to point out. You also figured perhaps physical touches gives him some sort of comfort since he often asks for your hand when he’s nervous just to squeeze or hold it, as if it provides some relief, so you thought if it helps him in some way, you wouldn’t mind.

“Yeah, see? You two are like always compromising for one another, it’s disgustingly cute sometimes,” Jay rolled his eyes. Suddenly, as if unlocking a box of repressed memories, it all came rushing out in your mind like a film reel: the dilated pupils; the leaning-ins; the long hugs; the lingering touches; the shared utensils; the shared outerwear; the eyes-to-lips glances; and all his little remarks which, as much as you hated to admit, sometimes ruffled your feathers and make your heart flutter (just a bit, you tried to convince yourself).

“Jay, come on, you’re one of the most objective person I have met, so you know that these instances are not necessarily explicit romantic interests — they are just bordering on the caring, protective and no-boundaries spectrum — the spectrum that is widely open and susceptible to misinterpretations,” you argued back to Jay one day, “No explicit hard evidence, no credibility.”

As if reading your train of thought, Jay clicked his tongue, bringing you back to reality as he affirmed, “you wanted hard evidence all these while right? well that kiss is one hard evidence and if you are going to dismiss that like all the rest, you’re just in denial.”

You protested, “Okay but it’s not like he said ‘I love you’ after he kissed me so there’s still a possibility that he was just messing around. It’s a 7 minutes in heaven anyway, people are bound to kiss.”

Jay scoffed, “I’m sure he would have probably said ‘I love you’ if you let him but you’ve never given him the chance to explain anyway. Also, yeah sure there are people would just go ahead and make out in a 7 minutes in heaven casually or meaninglessly but not you two. Nu-uh, if you two do kiss in that circumstance, it aint casual that’s for sure.”

You shook your head dismissively, standing up and staring out of the window — trying to clear your mind again, “Jay stop — I don’t need your advice and input whatsoever. You wanted to know what happened and there you go I’ve told you all. I don’t want any unsolicited advice. You’re not helping anything but make me feel even worse. All I need now is to not think about him and about whatever happened that night.”

Jay threw his hands up in the air, giving up, “Fine, I’ll stop pestering or nagging you about this. I just- I don’t know. I love you both and it kills me to see you two like this. Pretty sure if others are as observant as me, they would have said the same thing. You guys have got to address it sooner or later.”

“… or perhaps with space and time, we can just move past as if it never happened,” you murmured. Indeed, whatever the reason behind the kiss was, it carried heavy ramifications to confront. If he was just messing around, he is as much of a prick as the the frat boys in school who thinks their good looks are licenses to transgress in actions. If he had meant it, then you’d need to confront it but the problem is you don’t know how you feel about him. Either way, both would change your friendship forever and you did not have the bandwidth to deal with it at the moment so you did the easiest thing: running away, at least buying some time until you’re ready to confront it.

“As if y/n,” Jay said scornfully, “admit it, you’re avoiding him even more now. At this rate instead of pretending the kiss never happened, you two would end up pretending your friendships never happened.”

Indeed, now that his ex has come into the picture, the prospect of the latter reason behind the kiss, which was already minuscule to you in the first place, diminished even more that you just did not want to entertain any of the possibilities any more and assumed the worst. Hence, your newfound resolve at avoiding him.

Except, unlike during the previous moments in campus when every instances of spotting signs of him would just trigger your flight response — nowadays, spotting him and his ex, both of which may as well be joined-at-hips given how they always come in pair, elicited a twinge of pain in your chest.

Sunghoon heaved a huge exasperated sigh as he fell for the umpteenth time in an attempt to land a Triple Axel that night — a feat that is usually easy for him until the past few weeks. Feeling frustrations welling up, he slammed the back of his skates against the ice beneath him, cracking parts of the surface, sending little shards of ice flying.

“Hey, watch it.”

He shot up, suddenly alarmed over the fact that he might have sent shards of ice flying towards an innocent fellow skater. As soon as he saw the person skating towards him though, his expressions softened and he laid back against the ice, “Oh, it’s just you.”

“Just me? Hello, this face is insured okay,” Jake, his best friend, whined, “Also, why is Park Sunghoon suddenly throwing tantrum like his 12-year old self again?”

“I guess old habits die hard,” Sunghoon mumbled, arms sprawled, eyes staring blankly at the dark night sky. He could feel his back getting damp from the ice but he could not care less.

“Get up now, this isn’t the Park Sunghoon I know,” Jake raised an eyebrow before offering Sunghoon a hand.

“How can I be the Park Sunghoon that everyone knows when I can’t even land the bloody axels,” Sunghoon grumbled as he grabbed Jake’s hand, “My skills are slipping and I don’t even know where it all went wrong. I didn’t miss a day of training, I slept well, kept myself fit and the list goes on.”

“Sure it’s your skills?” Jake gave him a knowing smile as he helped Sunghoon back up on his feet, “Just so you know. You have definitely been out of it as of late. Not that you’ve done a good job at hiding it anyway. Penny for your thoughts? Maybe you just need to let whatever is bothering you inside, out.”

Sunghoon skated towards the barrier while dusting his pants which were covered in some small shards of ice from the multiple falls, “I guess you were right.”

“Hmm?” Jake followed closely behind, “About what? The tantrums or you being a walking time bomb as of l-“

“That I’ve got it bad with y/n… that it will end up festering in uglier ways,” Sunghoon threw his head back, staring forlornly at the sky, “I kissed her that night … during the 7 minutes in heaven,” he blurted, surprised at his own honesty.

“You wh-“ Jake paused, his jaws agape, eyes wide, jabbering and gesticulating wildly, “Wait… back up— you kissed her? You? Park Sunghoon made such a bold move? This Park Sunghoon? I - wai- how come- how did- was there tongue tho-”

“Dude!” Sunghoon jabbed Jake in the ribs, looking slightly embarrassed, “Get your head out of the gutter man.”

“Oh,” Jake paused, suddenly realising the gravity of the conversation, “Oh right… If it was that kind of kiss you wouldn’t have turned into a walking time bomb like this, right? So I guess… she didn’t take it well?”

“I wouldn’t expect her to, I was being such a prick,” Sunghoon grumbled, “I… I might’ve just ruined our friendship together.”

“Hey, you don’t know that,” Jake elbowed him, “Not until you guys talk it out at least.”

“I don’t even think we can — she has been avoiding me like a plague. I initially thought it was all in my head but it’s bloody obvious that she has been avoiding me. I thought she just needed some space but 2 weeks in and she is still turning away at the slightest sight of me,” Sunghoon scoffed.

“Then go after her.”

“That is also the problem. I don’t know what to say if I do go after her. Heck, I don’t even know how I clearly feel,” Sunghoon sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“That’s probaby because you never confronted your feelings before,” Jake said as a matter-of-factly, “You just suppress and masks them — not that it hides any of it at all to be honest. It actually spills out like an overflowing sink through your actions.”

“You’re overreacting, I have never-“

“I’m overreacting?” Jake scoffed, “Who ended up kissing his own bestfriend? If those feelings were not so entrenched and repressed in the first place, they wouldn’t fester in such a way.”

Sunghoon sighed exasperatedly, throwing his head back, at loss for words.

Jake continued, “You probably don’t realise it but as someone who is prudent, overcautious and overtly pragmatic, you don’t go out of your way to be unnecessarily flirty, self-sacrificing nor outgoing. You do just enough, if you have to. Except towards her. Yes, only towards her. With her, you drop all your guards, you bend your ways, you compromise and you’re shamelessly you. It’s both endearing and bewildering at the same time especially given how you two are just friends. In fact, you weren’t even like this when you were still dating your ex, though that could probably be chalked up to the fact that you were still too young and immature back then.

“But anyway, going back,” Jake gesticulated, skating back and forth in front of Sunghoon, “you hate instability and insecurity so you go out of your way to make sure everything will be in order and will be secure for yourself. Thing is, you extend such an arduous effort towards her as well, like it’s second nature. Your hands/body is always protectively shielding her from any possible harm/inconvenience: the sidewalk; rowdy boys; open cabinets; rain; her fears. Your bag always carries things she might need: extra power bank; extra umbrella; extra charger; gastric cramps pills. And your time, although you already spend a lot of it in practice, the remainder of it you willingly devote to her: whether doing something fun or mundane, from just lounging around her in her place; accompanying her at the library until 4 AM just to walk her home; snowball fights at 3AM; and so on. It’s like she’s your Achilles heels.”

Jake sighed, stopping right in front of Sunghoon, eyes dead-set on his as if to emphasise a point, “So if a Park Sunghoon, a guy who will never let any weakness or vulnerability flourishes within, willingly keep such a kryptonite close, the affection has pretty much gone beyond surface-level attraction or short-term enamour Sunghoon. It’s already so deep and entrenched — it’s no longer friendship either. The kiss is basically the testament of that.”

Sunghoon finally lifted his head up, staring back at Jake in silence, contemplating his words seriously. In any normal time and day, he would have been too uncomfortable to talk about emotions and feelings in such depths that he would have immediately deflected, if not joked about it. But Jake’s words were ringing some sense into him. He’s been so knee-deep in an area that is so gray — he needed the enlightenment. Like a film reel, all past instances and moments play in his mind. The touches that lingered, almost as if it’s second nature, were essentially his feelings dripping over, slipping through the cracks of the walls that his pragmatic and overcautious mind have built. The sudden protectiveness over her whenever interest comes her way, despite having always told her to be less aromantic as a person, were simply his feelings festering into uncalled possessiveness.

“What if that ruins the friendship? Accepting the feelings and being honest about it?” Sunghoon muttered quietly.

Jake shrugged, “Not talking about it will also ruin it, don’t you think? Especially since you two seem to be avoiding one another after 2 weeks? At this point, there’s nothing to lose anymore. If you tell her how you honestly feel and she said she doesn’t feel the same way — then if the friendship falls apart there, at least there is a concrete reason behind it: love gets in the way or something. Way better then if the friendship falls apart without any closure simply because you two are too cowardly to talk your feelings out.

“Also, who is to say that she doesn’t feel the same way,” Jake added, “You said it yourself, she’s a paradox and kind of like a fortress in that it’s hard to get inside her mind — so who’s to say for certainty that she feels the opposite? What if she feels the same? Then that’s good news for you. In the same manner, what if she felt the same and yet you never asked her about it, that’s just one sad belated lovers trope that will leave you the rest of your life to regret over because you have just lost a potential love interest AND a best friend.”

Sunghoon sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “But… she has ice in her veins, is the paragon of pessimism and cynicism, and is totally averse to anything that rhymes with romance. Come on Jake, you and me, we both have almost the same personality — wouldn’t you have avoided such slim chances too?”

“To be honest, if I’m already knee-deep in the muck, I would risk it no matter how slim,” Jake winked before turning Sunghoon around, his head jutting towards the building behind the rink as if telling him to look over there, “Let me just say, in matters of romance, timing is important and your risk-aversion and proneness towards overthinking can be your downfall.”

Sunghoon followed his gaze, wondering what it was that Jake wanted him to see. Through the glass-to-ceiling windows of the building, Sunghoon can see parts of the lobby on the ground floor, where a crowd was forming, either dancing, chatting away or playing beer-pong. Right in the hallway of the first floor however, which was also visible through the large windows, he saw a familiar figure: it was you, smiling widely with a box in hand, before breaking into a fit of laughter, doubling over. It was a sight that has been imprinted in his mind for he had shared such fits of laughter with you countless of times. Almost as if on auto-pilot, the corner of his lips lifted into a smile, his hearts leaping, realising just how much he had missed seeing that bright smile upfront.

His smile slowly faltered however as soon as he saw the source of your laughter: it was Jay, gesticulating wildly in front of you, before pulling you close into a playful head lock. Suddenly, he can feel the familiar sinking feeling in his chest — as if knots were forming. He had the same feeling when he saw Heeseung getting close to you. As of late however the feeling also grew in intensity and frequency when he saw you with Jay but something else was brewing together with it, something akin to contempt. He can’t help but feel bitterness seeing how the spot, which has always been his, seem to gradually be overtaken by Jay. He hated how close you two have been especially when to him, you’ve been cold instead. Jake was right, his feelings were really festering in ugly ways. Worse, Jay was also his bestfriend and yet not even such bond could shield Jay.

He gradually saw what Jake had meant about how his mind had always silenced his feelings. Because now, seeing you so close in proximity to Jay, all he saw was red, effectively silencing his mind which in normal times would have gone on overdrive in justifying what he saw. Only then though, while basking in the silence of his mind, can he really feel the depth of his feelings for you because right then all he wanted was to walk up to you and tell you that you avoiding him was killing him, that he feels like he’s losing you and most importantly, that he loves you more than a best friend.

And that Jay should piss off.

Thus, hit by a newfound resolve to set things straight, you were everything Sunghoon looked for in the crowd since that night. Unfortunately, like parallel lines that is bound to never meet, you had a newfound resolve too, which involved avoiding him at all cost. So what followed during the next few days was him going after you the moment he spotted you, pushing past the crowd as if possessed, and you slipping away and disappearing quicker than he could call out your name.

In the rare instances when he actually caught up with you, insisting that you two talk, you found yourself lying shamelessly, saying that you’re busy currently and that you will talk to him later. Of course, you won't. In fact, you would ensure that never happened. Despite the excuses though, Sunghoon was no quitter, not this time, not on you, he told himself. If anything, the more you run away and throw excuses, the more emblazoned his resolve was.

Hence why he acted like a vulture stalking its prey on the night of the farewell party — the last night of the outing. Despite the rowdy crowd and the cacophony of noises, all he could see in the room full of people was you.

“You are boring holes onto her,” Jake whispered, noticing how his best friend had not taken his eyes off y/n even for a second ever since the speech started.

“I can’t let her disappear again tonight,” Sunghoon sighed, his foot tapping nervously on the wooden floor, wondering why the Student Union president have to prepare such a long speech, “It’s tonight or never.”

Just then he felt someone’s hand wrapping over his arm. He looked over to his left. It was his ex, “Hi Sunghoon, I booked some gears. Join me for skiing tonight yeah?”

“No I can't, sorry,” Sunghoon muttered, slipping his arm off of her grasps, “Bring someone else instead.”

“Oh come on,” she tilted her head, flashing the smile she is famed for, the one that used to work so well with him, “just cancel your plans. It’s our last night, we should just spend it together.”

Sunghoon sighed, not even bothering to mask the annoyance within, “Look, maybe you’re misunderstanding something but… we have long been over. Please don’t mistake my amicability over the past few weeks as something else — it isn’t. I was just being nice as a senior. That’s it.”

“Wow, did you have to be that harsh?” Her smile disappeared in an instant, “I thought-“

But Sunghoon did not hear the rest of what she wanted to say for when he glanced to where you had stood earlier, you were long gone. His heart sank and panic quickly took hold that he immediately took off, looking around warily, ignoring the calls of his ex and ignoring the annoyed grunts of the people he had bumped shoulders with.

“No…” he mumbled to himself as he couldn’t spot a single sign of you in the room.

He really felt like he was losing you this time.

Having just quietly and discreetly left the hall where the farewell party was held, you quickly scurried across the hallway, heading back towards your room. You knew if you stayed any longer until the end of Jungwon’s speech, Jay would have roped you into a series of stupid party games — the last one of which ended in catastrophe for you. You shook your head, refusing the let the memory play in your mind. As you were about to take a turn towards the lobby however, you felt someone’s strong grip over your wrist, yanking you towards the other direction that you almost lose your balance. Before you could even react, you found yourself unwittingly getting shoved into the coat closet nearby.

“What the he-“ you yelled but stopped mid-sentence as your eyes slowly adjust to the dimmed lighting of the small room, gradually registering that the figure in front of you was the last person you wanted to be alone with, “Sunghoon?”

“I’m sorry,” he let go of your wrist as his other hand swiftly lock the door behind him, “I have no choice, we have to talk but you kept on running away from me.”

“No I haven’t,” you lied, yet again, “I was just… really busy.”

“Yeah right,” he scoffed, the tone his voice did not mask the annoyance within — clearly he had enough of your excuses, “Well, if that really is true and you have not been avoiding me then you should have no problem with us having a conversation alone in here then.”

“Of course,” you answered almost immediately, trying your best to look and sound unfazed. Please don’t talk about the kiss, please don’t talk about the kiss, please-

“About that night,” he mumbled, swallowing thickly, “I’m sorry… for kissing you. I didn’t- I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Oh,” you managed, suddenly feeling a lump in your throat as his last few words play repeatedly in your mind like a broken radio. While you had constantly convinced yourself that the kiss had meant nothing, the ‘confirmation’ had stung more than you expected. Ignoring the pain the twinge of pain in your chest, you feigned nonchalance, casually shrugging, “It’s fine. I thought so too.”

You gave him a small smile as you headed towards the door, pushing past him. The lump in your throat felt too much to ignore. To your surprise however, Sunghoon’s hand quickly flung over the doorknob. “I’m not done yet,” he muttered, blocking your way.

You stared at him in disbelief, crossing your arms, “Sunghoon what now? You didn’t mean the kiss and it wasn’t a big deal to me. We can just move past it. Just pretend it never happened. Case closed.”

“But I don't want to pretend,” he scoffed with a slight twitch of eyebrows, looking offended.

“Then what do you want?” you sighed exasperatedly.

“I want us to address the elephant in the room,” he pressed on.

“We just did,” you cried out, “you were messing around and I don’t take any offen-“

“I never said I was messing around!” he retorted with a scowl. The edge in his voice making it obvious that he has had enough with you deflecting from the real issue, “the kiss was not thought through, yes. But it wasn’t meaningless. I did not kiss you just for the fun of it, you know I wouldn’t.”

“It’s fine, it’s 7 minutes in heaven anyway — it’s not out of place. I wouldn’t hold it against you,” you mustered, sighing weakly, “Sunghoon, let’s just drop this okay. It’s all in the past, no one cares and no one knows. Your ex is here now, I won't want to ruin anything. That night was just like a fever dream, I won’t say a thing so let’s forget it and move on—“

“You know what, stop. If you don’t let me say what I want to say, we’re both going to be in this cramped closet all night long,” Sunghoon glowered, “Maybe you dont care. But I do. And what the hell is this about my ex? I don’t understand how she fits into all these, into us. If there’s anything that is in the past and will always be — it would be her. Not us, not the kiss. We need to address that and you, YOU need to listen.”

“Well, where are we going with this. I already said that it’s fi-“

“I love you,” Sunghoon blurted out as his patience all dried up and just like that, your train of thoughts crashed, rendering you speechless. His gaze slowly softened as he stared into your eyes, repeating with greater conviction this time, "I love you more than I should for a best friend, y/n."

"N-no you don't," you stammered, "Maybe you're mistaken..."

"Oh trust me, if this had been one whole misunderstanding, the feelings would not have lingered for this long. Growing, even," Sunghoon muttered, "Look, I know we both hate talking about feelings or rather feeling feelings of these kinds but I have to. I have sat on them for the longest time and look at what it has done instead, it just intensified, festering in uglier ways, to you and even to others."

"The feelings spill like an overflowing sink through my actions which, as many have pointed out, are too caring, affectionate and protective between just friends," he swallowed thickly, "then came other people, forcefully entering our little protective bubble. That's when the feelings took an uglier turn. It was very selfish of me, I know. By being a coward, I never let you know of how I truly feel about you and yet when others outrightly showed such interest and affection towards you, I turned possessive and defensive, as if I owned you in the first place."

"But my selfishness will cause me to lose you at this rate," he muttered softly, "so I made my mind to stop being a coward and stop being so avoidant with regards to my romantic feelings and interests. So no, I was not messing around with you, never have been. On the contrary, I am in love with you. Have been, still am and I would like to continue loving you in such a way if you let me."

He stared at you expectantly but no coherent words form except for a jumble of mess as your mind was thrown in disarray, " I- I don't know... how-" you sighed, "Sunghoon, there are better people for you out there, that's for sure."

“to me, no one is,” he said adamantly.

“No—,” you croaked, “I mean, we have been best friends for more than 2 years so you know how very non-girlfriend material I am. I am far from that caring, affectionate and nurturing girlfriend that you deserve. I am also very frustrating to be with, even more so as a girlfriend."

“Like you said, we have been best friends for quite long now — if those qualities put me off, they would have. But they never did. In fact, even after 2 years, you never cease to amaze and enamour me,” he reassured, “Sure sometimes your behaviour and personality can be painted as indifferent, workaholic, emotionally-detached whatnot but I see the flip side of it more, that you’re hardworking; gritty; impartial; and wise. You don’t just enamour me, you drive me to be a better person too. I love that about you and I like myself better when I’m with you too".

He continued, murmuring softly, “I just want to clarify that whatever you respond me with, I didn’t confess to you just so I can get my feelings reciprocated. I just don’t want you to misunderstand, given your predisposition to pessimism and cynicism. Most importantly, given your stellar record at self-deprecation, I genuinely want you to know that someone is capable of falling and staying in love with you. You effortlessly give so much vibrancy and zest to my life — you’re like my reprieve and it would pain me so deeply to lose you. So if you let me, I’d very much love to continue being by your side but would even love to able to transcend the constraints of best friends — without having to hold back and without having to overthink whether what I do is excessive for friends.”

You stared away, the gravity of his words weighing heavily in the air, stirring your mind into complete shambles. You have hardly ever ruminated the nature of your friendship with Sunghoon mainly because you know the more you overthink about certain moments, the more romantic feelings possibly flourish and to let that happen with a campus heartthrob is just like setting yourself up for a heartbreak. So you never did. No matter how much you two compromises for another — something you two often do for each other only and sometimes transcending that of bestfriends' norms — you’d just play it off as something casual. Even when your heart sinks when you see him getting close to some other girls — you’d bury such feelings without facing it, smothering yourself with extra work and distancing yourself.

But Sunghoon will always come around — like gravity, he always finds you and like earth orbiting around the sun, you two always stick to each other — realising that you two are each other’s constant amid the chaos you two face independently in your lives.

“Y/n,” Sunghoon spoke up again, breaking your train of thoughts, “I won’t force you to answer me now nor accept me — you can take all the time to think about it but just promise me one thing? Don’t disappear on me. Whether it’s a ‘no’ or ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘I’m not ready’ — I’ll accept them all. But just, at least for the sake of our friendship, don’t let it hang in the air. Let it have a conclusion, good or bad.”

Mustering a weak smile, he slowly backed away towards the door, “I’ll go now. I’m sorry for having kidnapped you in such a cramped room. This could have been done in a grander space but well, I was desperate.”

Trepidation filled your heart as you watch him turn around, about to exit the room. You’re not one to act very rashly but at that moment — things seemed so fleeting that you just blurted out anything you can think of, not wanting him to leave, “What if — what if it doesn’t work out?”

He stopped, turning around. Not missing a heartbeat, he replied, “We don’t know that. In the worst case that it doesn’t — it’s better than never pursuing it because we’re afraid of the risk isn’t it? That’s what you always tell me. That you always regret things you don’t say and don’t do, more than things you’ve said or done — it’s the same for me. And this time, I refuse to fall in the same trap. Not when you, us, are on the line.”

“What if,” you paused, “... what if I turn out worst than you expect? That I can’t be who you want me to be?”

“You don’t have to be anyone — it’s you who I fell for,” he uttered, “I’ve met thousands of people, many of which are more emotionally-transparent, doting, caring, and affectionate, than you and yet it’s you who I just fell back to — you who I gravitate towards. Even when it takes you ages to reply to my text; even if you reply me sarcastically instead of sweetly; even if you don’t hug me when I wish you would; even if you’re always glaring at me instead of looking at me adoringly; even when I always have to make the first move in contacting you — you’re greater than the sum of your parts and that’s who I fell for.”

“Aren’t you scared? If it doesn't work out at the end. It will just hurt," you reasoned.

“I hate uncertainties — you know that well. But you’re the exception,” his lips curl into a slight smile as if assuring you, “I’ll traverse the great unknown and take the risks if it’s for you.”

You stared at him, ruminating deeply. Sunghoon let go of the door, walking towards you instead. You held his gaze as he walked closer towards you, "So, y/n, what do you say? Would you go out with me and be my other half from here onwards?"

You have never imagined that you would ever date anyone, let alone that person being your own best friend. You have always been so aversed towards the idea of romance and dating for yourself. You have never viewed yourself so highly either so you never would have imagined anyone to ever like you in such a way, let alone that person being your own best friend. But now standing so close to him, with all possible repressed feelings hashed out, it all felt — weirdly natural. You thought it would have put you into a pickle — that it would all turn South. Yet, it felt weirdly natural — as if things are falling into place, as if this was how it was supposed to be. All in all, you were surprised by how, deep down, you felt as if you had known the answer already, "Sure. Let’s try it then.”

Sunghoon's serious wary expressions gradually softened, his lips curling into a wide sheepish smile, before he dropped his head momentarily as if trying to prevent you from seeing his facial expressions. You tilted your head slightly, trying to meet his, "What? are you shy now? after confessing a whole essay to me?"

He schooled his expressions as soon as he lifted his head back up, pressing his lips in a thin line as if trying to suppress the glee within from escaping again, "Pffft, you're still so dense. I'm not shy. I'm overjoyed, silly."

You snorted, "uh-huh sure."

"Want to me to prove it?" he bit his lips, reaching over to your hand before pulling you closer towards him. His smile begin faltering as the proximity between you two grew, filling the air with heavy tension. You swallowed thickly as his gaze bore intently onto yours. You were opening your mouth, about to say something but before you could do so, he had leaned in, pressing his lips onto yours gently — a stark contrast with the harsh collision from the last time. Stunned, your shoulders stiffened as your heart begin to race uncontrollably. Noticing your stiffened body, he softly wrapped his hand over the side of your neck, his fingertips gently caressing your nape — feeling like butterflies against your skin. You gradually warmed up to his soft touch, allowing yourself to slowly ease up, letting his lips melt onto yours. You can feel him smile against the kiss before he momentarily pull away, his eyes gazing intently to yours, softly muttered a ‘thank you’. You smiled back, surprised by how comfortable you were with the proximity. He latched his lips back onto yours, as if they were magnets. This time, his other hand snaked over your back, pulling you closer, closing any small space in between, as he deepened the kiss. Any worries and thoughts slowly dissipated from your mind as the kiss grew in intensity, his soft lips dancing against yours, his body pressing onto you, backing you up slowly to the wall.

"Oh shit."

You immediately pulled away from Sunghoon, startled by the voice that followed the sound of the closet door opening. It was Jay, standing by the doorway, looking horrified, "I know I said you guys should stop avoiding one another but making out was really not really what I was suggesting--" he was saying before stopping himself, realizing what might have unfolded. With a coy smirk, he nodded, closing the door, "you know what, sorry, please continue," he pulled the door shut as quietly as possible as if he had not just flung the door opened earlier, before you hear him yell to others across the hall, "Guys, the closet is occupied. Don’t go near it!"

Not even a second after, Sunghoon begin to lean in again, about to lock his lips with yours again but your hand immediately flew over to his chest, trying to stop him from leaning in completely.

"Dude, he just walked in on us," you reminded, bewildered at just how unfazed Sunghoon looked. He just shrugged, his hands tightly wrapping itself around your waist, "No big deal. Sooner or later, he'll find out anyway. I will make sure of that," he smirked playfully, his eyes flitted from your eyes to your lips, realizing he had found out more things about you that is so addicting, "Also, who cares about that, you heard what he said, the closet is all ours."

A/N: Phew, finally it’s done. I hope the wait has been worth it :3 Again, thank you for loving part 1 and for sticking by. I would appreciate it if you guys can comment on how I did for this Part 2 hehe — that would massively help me from sliding into another round of writer’s block. Have a great day/night everyone :3

Masterlist // Work in Progress

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypenwriters #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon imagines #park sunghoon #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fluff #kpop imagines #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon scenarios #enhypen sunghoon scenarios #kpop scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen x female reader

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timextoxhajima · 2 years

Text

Right Person, Wrong Time [2/2]

[Part 1]

members: enhypen jake, jay

synopsis: [1st person/omniscient pov] you begin your first day of work with your boyfriend sending you there but amidst all your first-day jitters, you find out that the new CEO-in-training was your best friend who moved away a decade ago.

genres: bf! jake x fem! reader, childhood best friend! jay x fem! reader, angst, fluff, suggestive material, F2L, angst, fluff, crack, established r/s

warnings: cursing

taglist: @changminurheart @allorysayshi @en-boyz @vantxx95 @from-xero @wooyoung-a @changmin-wrlds @nashionalpotatocorner @sapphydean @haechanhues @axartia @sjakewrld @sfthyuka

wc: 10.7k

ost: sunwoojunga - timing | enhypen - just a little bit | keane - somewhere only we know | the 1975 - robbers | urban zakapa - i don’t love you

“is she alright? i thought i heard her,” your mother switches off the kitchen light and sips on a cup of tea. with a little, tight smile, jake turns and closes the door behind him.

“she’s in the bath. i’ll stay until she comes out. thank you,” he takes the mug from her and takes a sip.

“did anything happen at work? she seemed fine when she came home.”

jake stares into the mug. the green swirls diffused from the tea leaves were making it more bitter the longer he waited. if he stayed still long enough, he could see his reflection in the water.

he knew you weren’t okay the moment he saw you. he had devoted the last few years studying the way you responded or reacted - not because he’s a creep but because this was what he expected himself to do when he’s in love.

he’d know what it meant when your lips were quivering or when you drank so much water because you kept swallowing your saliva trying not to cry. he knew what it meant when you couldn’t finish your food, even though you find the most comfort in your mother’s food.

he knew exactly why.

“i’m so sorry!” jake bows to whomever he quite literally ran into. he was waving to you and not looking where he was going. “are you alright? are you injured?”

he had expected to be apologising to someone older than him, maybe in his 30s, but this person? definitely someone his age.

“no, no. i’m alright, don’t worry about it.”

he looked familiar. jake’s definitely seen him somewhere before.

“great, i’m so sorry about that.”

while scanning the taller male, jake notices the keyring dangling from his pocket.

he would recognise that anywhere.

“it’s fine,” jay buttons his blazer.

this was the ghost in all the pictures that you had kept from your childhood. all that time spent listening to your stories of how a certain ‘jay’ had bought you a hello-kitty gashopon keyring outside the winter-clothings store that your parents worked in...

he remembers listening to the fairytales of the mimosa hunting, the cruise, the plush toy and box of letters and the pictures that you kept so fondly to your heart. he’d never admit it or ask about it, but he could tell from the way you spoke about him that you had a soft spot for this ‘jay’.

jake knew that if jay had stuck around, he wouldn’t even get a chance with you.

“have a good day,” jake quickly bows, hiding the sting in his heart.

he had assumed that you’d come home with this huge smile on your face, maybe even bring home the boy in question, but when you didn’t and all you seemed to be doing was stop yourself from crying, jake’s heart is torn two ways.

one day passed, then two, then three and soon more than two weeks had flown by. this parasitical uneasiness had somewhat faded away until the day you came home and told your mother and him over dinner that you had been asked to follow the CEO-in-training to japan.

you had asked him not to tell your mother the CEO-in-training was jay, for she would’ve been more than upset if she knew her non-biological son had been acting like he didn’t know you.

like any other parent proud of her daughter, she encouraged you to go. naturally, jake thought it was the most natural thing to do the same.

but with every word of encouragement and assurance he let out his mouth, the more it ate at his sense of security. it felt like all your attention had been diverted elsewhere.

you’re only with him in person but not in spirit. your heart was elsewhere thinking about why jay had chosen to act like he didn’t know you, replacing all the usual care and concern you provide jake with.

he could be lying on your thighs and letting you play with his hair, but your eyes weren’t on him or your fingers. they were looking up at the ceiling, thinking about something he’d never be able to change or have an impact on.

jake wouldn’t consider himself selfish. in fact, he could understand why you were so upset. if he had a best friend whom he lost contact with and subsequently got ignored by said best friend, he’d cry over it too.

but it feels different when he knew you loved this person, and that the person jake loved seemed to love this someone else more; seemed to prioritise someone else’s attention more.

is his not enough?

at the start, he trusted you.

somewhat.

he was wide awake the night before you left for japan, so when you called at 7am, he had already been drifting in and out of a shitty sleep cycle the entire week. he thought you’d notice his eye bags, but all you noticed was how difficult the trip was going to be.

it’s okay, he thinks. there’s a slither of hope you’ll still come back wholly devoted to him, the same way he’s devoted to you.

jake was more than elated when he can see the beautiful smile on your face through the glass panels at the airport. he’s craning his neck, trying to spot you as you walk into the crowd searching for their luggage.

he recognises your bag - it’s the same bag you like carrying to work - but he doesn’t recognise the blazer you’re wearing.

it looks expensive.

his eyes trail after you as you struggle to pull your luggage off the conveyor belt, but someone else does it for you.

it’s jay, and he’s smiling at you, with eyes that only another boy can identify.

jake can tell something’s changed - you’ve made up. there’s something in the way you’re standing and facing jay that seems different. there isn’t a gap any more.

you look like you just came back from a honeymoon, not a work trip.

jake feels the world slow down around him. his eyes have all been for you the last couple of years, yet it takes almost nothing for yours to turn elsewhere. the guilt in his chest makes him realise he’s starting to lose his trust in you; that he doesn’t trust that this wouldn’t end well.

that was the start.

the start of a little parasite that would grow into a big problem later. one that jake will choose to ignore until he can’t, one that he knows you wouldn’t realise until it’s too late.

one that would completely shatter his heart, maybe even yours, but at least you would have someone else’s shoulder to cry into.

but he wouldn’t blame you. he never will. he knows your heart has just been returned to who was rightfully supposed to have it. jake was just lucky.

my time starts now.

“are your parents here to fetch you?” jay pulls his luggage off the conveyor belt.

“no, they’re working, but my boyfriend is here, i think,” you pull your phone out from the blazer’s pocket and check for messages. “yeah, he’s here.”

jay watches as you turn towards the beyond the departure hall, tiptoeing to look outside. he spots jake before you do, and the stark reminder comes back to haunt him: there’s someone else already waiting for you.

“oh! there he is!” you start jumping, waving your hands in the air like a little child. jake does the same, eyes lighting up like a little puppy and his hair bouncing atop his head. “jay, you have to meet him.”

“do i?” jay chuckles, pushing his luggage alongside you. “it’d be my pleasure.”

“is your dad here?” your eager eyes aren’t even looking at jay now. they’re desperately looking for jake. your companion can feel the disappearing attention.

“yeah, he should be here with mr kwon.”

“do you think it’ll be weird if your dad meets jake?”

“probably not,” jay shakes his head, offering a tiny pout of contemplation. “oh, there he is!”

from afar, you can see jake rushing towards where you were exiting, but jay’s father and his secretary beats him to it.

“welcome home. how was the trip? oh, how was mrs yoon?”

“fine,” jay nods at the duo, eyes slowly drifting to mr kwon. he wasn’t hiding the fact that he was trying to figure out the status between the two of you. “actually, y/n would like you to meet somebody, i think.”

“oh?”

“hey,” you turn and nearly ditch your luggage with jay as you throw your arms around jake, pecking him on the cheek. “how are you? you look like you’ve lost weight!”

he offers you a reassuring smile and shake his head. “did i? i must’ve been playing soccer too much this last week.”

“ah... we’ll go get some good food later, okay? i miss the food here so much,” you ruffle his hair and pull him by the hand back to the party.

“jay, this is jake. jake, jay. you know, my best friend from like... really long ago?”

there’s an unspoken agreement between the two young men. both unsure of it at first, but it’s the handshake that seemed to seal the deal.

jay knows that jake knows.

and jake knows that jay knows.

you, on the other hand, are oblivious.

“ah! the jay? the one with a matching keyring?”

“that’s me,” jay nods, releasing jake’s hand first. “really nice to meet you. y/n’s told me a lot about you on the flight home.”

“oh, mr park! i’d like you to meet jake. he’s my boyfriend,” nearly yanking jake over, you proudly present him like he were some kind of gift or award.

“jake, was it?” the CEO has this fatherly smile on his face as he offers a hand. “really nice to meet you. did i hear something about lunch? why don’t we all go? i know just the place.”

your lips part. something about the thought of everybody being in one place at once is too overwhelming. “oh, that sounds-”

“dad, i think she’s tired from the trip. i’m sure she’d prefer heading home to rest.”

“it’ll just be a quick lunch. i don’t want to disturb you at work and i don’t want to take up your time outside of work,” the CEO convinces with a small pout on his lips.

you turn and look at jay, his eyes soft and understanding. you already know his answer before you even ask it. “will you be okay with that?”

the eager golden retriever puppy nods. “i’m okay.”

you run your hand down the length of his arm and interlock your fingers with his. “i guess we’re having lunch together then.”

this weight of overwhelmingness sits itself in a rollercoaster seat and begins on its own version of a ride. you were sat in the back of a car between jay and jake, and juggling between making sure neither of them felt awkward was harder than it seemed.

there was something that felt frozen in the air, but you couldn’t tell what it was.

“so, jake!” the CEO calls from the front passenger’s seat. mr kwon glances at you in the rear mirror. “how did you meet y/n?”

jake sits up in his corner, hand still tightly holding onto yours like he were afraid you’d let go. “um, she was helping out in her parent’s shop and i play soccer a lot in the field nearby, so whenever i had trainings, my friends and i loved going to their shop to eat after. that’s when i met her and she just seemed like the sweetest, most meticulous person i’ve ever met. i just... knew i had to get to know her. i started finding excuses to have more trainings and then eventually, i just went on my own. she even memorised the orders i usually placed, and gave me more of the free sides without me asking.”

jake turns and grins at you, the honey in his words laying a thick, warm cover over your heart. you suck your lips between your teeth, trying your hardest not to scoff and giggle at his sweetness.

“ah, the good ol’ days... isn’t that right, mr kwon?” jay’s father reaches out and gently taps the driver on the arm. “your parents must be so elated. both your parents!”

“yeah, my parents are really happy i met her,” jake rubs a thumb over your knuckles. “i’m really lucky to have her.”

jay can hear the happiness in his voice.

he can hear how much he’d sacrifice just to see you happy. he can hear how much patience he’d have if you were ever upset over something. he can hear how much he’d give just to spend a second with you.

just you and jake in your little... gashopon bubble, even though he was the one who bought it.

jay turns and looks out the window.

the car falls into a peaceful silence, but then they drive down a familiar road that you would never fail to miss. it’s the road down to by the field that jake was just talking about, and then down the corner on the left was-

“wait. mr park, are we-”

“yep,” he sounds so proud, like he had scored straight As in an exam. “i’ve already told your parents we might be coming for lunch.”

“oh!” the adrenaline fills you instantly. “mum would be so happy to see you!” turning to jay, you’re automatically slapping him on the arm.

“kwon and i dropped by to deliver the tonic and birds’ nest package last week. think they almost couldn’t recognise me.”

“she must’ve been so happy!” the shop shows up as the car turns around the corner, and your mother was already by the entrance waiting for you.

everything slows, but flits past in an instant.

jake opened the door for you, and your first instinct is to run into your mother’s arms. the scent of the food that you always went home to was all over her, so it only made you hungrier. jake greets your mother, like he usually does, and jay’s father gives a small, polite wave with kwon bowing to her.

then she looks at jay, the same way jay’s father looked at you.

she parts her lips, a denying frown gently forming in her forehead as she releases you into jake’s arms and approaches jay.

jay knows he’s not too emotional of a person, but he can’t seem to keep his attention on her for long without needing to swallow all the lumps forming in the back of his throat.

all the days his parents spent away from home and in another country, he spent with yours.

he can smell the delicious foods wafting off her, and it’s doing nothing but return him all the memories that he had shoved into a crook inside his head.

he’s trying to maintain a still face, constantly trying to find enough courage to look at your mother in the eye.

“auntie,” he greets, lowering his head and bowing deeply. her hands, which he hadn’t remembered being so wrinkled, pat him on the shoulder and travel down to his upper arms. he can feel her grip from under the dress shirt and the blazer he was wearing, so he stands back up and bites on his bottom lip.

she has new wrinkles along her eyes and on her forehead, but her smile lines were still the same.

she has the same smile as you do.

then she nods as acknowledgement, reaching up to his face and pouting. she’s trying her best not to cry too.

“look at you,” she whispers. “you look so grown-up!”

jay mirrors her nodding, slowly getting more aggressive as his composure begins to shatter.

“your father tells me you still have my recipes... and that you’ve been trying to recreate them ever since you’ve been let into the kitchen.”

the first tear falls. jay’s grip on the ends of his sleeves tighten. he nods again.

“yeah.”

she chuckles, brushing a lock of hair out of his forehead. “maybe they taste better than mine now, hm?”

he shakes his head violently. “no. no, never. not in a million years.”

the sound of her laughter breaks through the last of his iron resolution, and she pulls him into a hug. “oh, i’ve missed you. so much.”

and like the crybaby he is, jay rests his head over her shoulder.

crash!

your mother rushes into the kitchen, spotting a little tiny, crying jay, squatting over shattered porcelain.

“jay! come here!”

she reaches out and easily picks him out of the mess, squatting to wipe his tears and check his fingers.

“i’m- i’m sorry- i was just trying to- get a cup of- milk-” he chokes through sobs, his cheeks flushed and his tears streaming down his cheeks. your mother looks up from the small cut on his thumb where he had tried to pick up a piece, and she shakes her head reassuringly.

“it’s okay, i have more where those came from,” she stands and ruffles his hair, reaching over to the table and taking a napkin. “don’t touch glass with your bare hands if this happens again, alright?”

and before she can squat back down to clean his wound, jay shoves his face into her stomach, hugging her thighs and sniffling. “i’m sorry.”

“i’m sorry,” his voice cracks as he rests his head into her shoulder. he’s so much taller than her now, he wishes for a moment he was a small boy again, so he could be completely held by her.

she had filled all the gaps his parents didn’t, and even they knew that.

“silly boy, what are you sorry about?” she pats the back of his head, stroking down his neck and shoulders. “you’re here now, aren’t you?”

he nods, a choke and pained groan finally hurtling out between his lips. “i missed you so much. i miss your food, i miss the games we used to play. i’m sorry.”

she’s looking up at the sky and blinking the tears away as well. never was she expecting to have jay, as a young adult, break down in her arms. she wasn’t even expecting to see him, much less have him find so much comfort in her presence.

“it’s okay,” she pats his arm and shoulder. “we can still play the games and do everything else you want to do, hm?”

he nods.

“come, i’ve already steamed some corn and butter.”

there’s a pathetic little cry when he hears her words, and she chuckles as she hooks her arm through his.

jake watches in silence as they enter the shop first. the weight of your head is resting on his arm, and there’s an awkward glance towards the secretary that he didn’t really quite catch the name of.

what party of people is this? why am i involved?

he feels himself being tugged along into the shop after you gesture for the CEO and the secretary to enter first.

jake walks into the shop to jay hugging your father as if that were his father, and there’s a pinch in his gut that’s telling him ‘he’s an outsider’.

but you squeeze his hand through interlocked fingers and rest your head on his shoulder. “don’t worry. it’s just been a really long time since they’ve met jay.”

don’t worry? jake thinks to himself. what is worry when i already know how it’s going to end?

time. that’s what you didn’t have; that’s what you lost. but maybe you were a saint in your past life, or maybe god realised how cruel of a feat it was to take jay away from you.

the adults always dreaded teenagehood - the years where the children became rebellious, where hormones and curiosity isn’t a good combination - but those were the exact years you lost him.

which god thought it was a good idea to introduce to you the idea of love, then strip the one thing that gave you the perfect idea of it from you?

you’re abruptly snapped out of your after-work drowsiness when mr kim slams a palm onto the table and laughs at something a senior marketing researcher says.

there’s a heavy weight of dread that’s been sinking in your chest and your shoulders. thinking about it for days doesn’t help when the conclusion has consistently been ‘i know something is wrong, but i don’t know what it is’.

the chopsticks in between your fingers push and pick up the cut up pieces of food on the barbecue plate, the scent of smoke and food fusing into your clothes. there’s also a heavy waft of beer and soju that the older employees were busy emptying the cans and bottles of.

jay’s father was the star of the table, though he wasn’t really talking much. you admired how he had a way with all his employees, even though they were his subordinates. mr kwon looked like his babysitter, watching after how much he drank while listening to their stories.

he must be going to so many of these, especially if he’s making it a point to be present for all his departments.

it’s inevitable that your eyes finally land on jay, and only then do you realise his were on you. he was sat to the left of his father, and you were on the other end of the table next to mr kim and koo wooshik (who was starting to swap out yang mi rae’s soju for water).

then there’s that little glimmer in his eyes, a slight twitch of a brow and lifted cheeks when you can tell someone’s trying to say something without really saying anything.

you okay? his eyes whisper from the other end of the table.

you nod, giving him a reassuring smile.

after everyone’s stuffed themselves to satisfaction, you were ready to head home. everybody took turns saying goodbye and wishing each other a well weekend, but jay’s father seemed adamant on sending you home.

there were a couple of awkward laughters and smiles from mr kwon and mr kim and jay, who knew better than to have you in the car when you were three-months-new to the company.

“i actually- i think i’m going for a little walk, uncle park. that was a filling dinner-”

“is jake coming to fetch you?”

a pause. one quick glance to jay.

“um, no. jake’s busy tonight.”

“then let jay go with you on that walk, how about that?”

“oh, i don’t think-”

“well, what would your mother think if i let you go on a walk alone?” jay’s father waves a hand in the air as if everybody had come to a consensus. “jay will go on that walk with you. come, jung hwan. let’s go.”

“yes, mr park,” he bows slightly, then turns to look at jay and you. “call her a cab when you’re done.”

jay lowers his head as a form of acknowledgement.

“and you!” his father calls as he crawls into the passenger’s seat. “stop calling me ‘mr park’. how many times do i have to tell you to call me ‘james’?”

you keep a safe distance away from jay as the car moves off, and through the dimmed lights of the car, you can make out his father waving eagerly at you.

“so,” jay starts once the car was out of sight. “do you actually want to go on that walk or were you just avoiding being in the same car as your boss?”

a gentle snicker. “both, but the second one more over the first one.”

the view from the bridge was nostalgic - you always loved walking this route home from the city centre with jake, but you’ll never forget the first time you walked this path.

the sound of water was faint, but audible. back then, there was a ship honk every now and then from a nearby cruise ship or a vessel. the light from the factories out at sea looked like stars that had descended and were floating on the water’s surface.

“come look at this!” your father beckons you over from a little viewing platform along the bridge path. jay was carrying the picnic basket that he had insisted on carrying, and he trottled along behind your father with the basket hitting his sides.

“would you look at that? those are ships. and those blinking lights up there? they’re planes.”

the bridge is alot brighter now, the stars aren’t that obvious anymore. the ferry station isn’t here either. the cruise boarding house relocated elsewhere.

there were times you revisited it in hopes of staring up at the sky and wondering if jay, or even his father, was looking at the same stars. but it got more apparent that you kept mistaking passing planes for stars, the kinds that blink a white and pinkish red and move so little, you’d think it’s a star.

“i have to ask,” jay begins, calmly sliding his hands into his pockets as you stroll alongside him. “how... what happened to you?”

“what do you mean ‘what happened to me’?” with a bewildered smile, you turn and look at him, chuckling under your breath. “you make it sound like i did a 180 degree turn and i’m just... not the person you used to know.”

jay bites on his bottom lip in an attempt to hide his ridiculous grin.

“no, you know i meant it in like... a ‘what did i miss’ way. things would’ve been... vastly different, had they not gone the way it did. i thought for the longest time that that was it, like i’d never see you again.”

there’s a light silence that falls between them, other than the sound of water below the bridge. a little ball of panic forms in jay’s chest when he realises he might’ve said too much.

he doesn’t know his words have left somewhat of a mark on your thoughts - is he as regretful as he sounds?

“hm,” you hum, looking down at your hands and sucking in a deep breath. ignore it. “after you left, i really had to grow some balls of steel and make new friends. trying to find somebody that i could tell every single detail of my life got harder as i grew older. especially when these details aren’t as simple as they were when we were ten.”

“mm,” jay nods. “if it’s of any comfort, it was the same for me. new country, new... genre of people. i actually... i actually cried,” jay chuckles. “i cried when i realised i was going to be in that new space for years to come. that was what my father was talking about when he said i cried looking for you.”

“aw, i knew you were a crybaby but i didn’t think you’d cry looking for me,” with a gentle nudge, you give him a push on his upper arm.

“you know i’d look for you no matter where i go.”

the whoosh from a passing car blows the hair into your face as you look at him, tired eyes scanning his face and the little pout he has on his lips.

“i did not want to do what my dad told me he wanted me to do. but then the thought of seeing you again, at home. it convinced me.”

jay slows down in his footsteps and waits for you to stop to turn and look at him. his eyes are glossed over, probably from the cold, but there’s a small smile on his lips as he stares at you.

you can’t read it for the life of you and for the well-being of your own heart and soul, you hope you’re reading it wrong. you can tell he’s missed you, you can see it in the way his pupils are darting between your eyes and searching for face for something.

it’s almost like he’s waiting for something, not just anything.

there’s a horrid, grave feeling that settles in your lungs when you realise how much worry is beginning to brew in your stomach. there’s an intrusive thought, a scene from a guilty daydream about jay coming to cup your face and tell you that he’s loved you for the last fifteen years, and you’d tell him that you feel the same way.

but that is a daydream that will haunt you for as long as you keep it buried, because all you can hear in the back of your head is jake’s laughter, the way he likes slurping his yoghurt and how much he loved soccer.

the dream sentences you to a lifetime of guilt that will eventually eat you up from the inside. your heart begins to wither when it realises the sin it has committed.

jay keeps his distance, only breaking the staring with a gentle chuckle and a deep breath. “enough about me,” he steps forward and nods you off. “any boyfriends before jake? anybody you absolutely hate?”

as you gently place the photoframe on your desk, something in the tips of your fingers numb. your fingerpads brush against the wooden frame of the picture, and there’s a subconscious smile that surfaces on your lips as you stare at his.

“aw, cute,” mi rae walks past behind you as she places a document on the table next to your hand. “maybe i should go check if my hair dryer’s waterproof.”

“come on,” you turn and chuckle, reaching for the file and opening it up.

“what’s his name? how long have you been together?” she sits at her desk next to yours, using her feet to drag the roller chair along and bumps shoulders with you. “he’s cute.”

“jake. and uh... three years next month, actually,” you smile politely at her, watching her admire him in the picture.

“for some reason, i assumed you were single and i thought that you’d end up with jay,” she nonchalantly comments. mi rae returns the photoframe back to its original position and scoots back to her desk. “that’s the programme flow for the conference later this week by the way. wooshik is presenting the deck but you still have to actively listen for any q&a regarding the japan trip.”

“okay, thank you.”

your face remains towards the document, but your eyes are back on the photo.

i thought so too.

jay was one of those things you never knew you needed until you actually lost him. maybe you were too young and took things for granted, that having a friend to confide in was something that seemed to come by so easily. but as you grew older, there was a thought - the thought distant but never lost - how would your friendship have evolved had he not gone away?

“do you think mr kim’s like- the nicer parent or the stricter parent?” mi rae unclips her hair, letting her haphazardly-dyed brown hair topple over the cotton-pink cardigan.

if wooshik stared anymore, mi rae would think he’s a creep.

with a gentle tap on his arm, you frown at him, and he immediately takes the hint before clearing his throat. “liberal. he’s got the piercings, doesn’t he? i’d expect that he’d be more liberal.”

“hm,” mi rae taps her staff card on the gantry and it beeps open. you’re staring at wooshik tap his tagwhen mi rae whistles softly, suddenly leaning backwards into you as you get through the gantry as well. “ooh, boyfriend alert.”

that cues you to look up from the tag in your hands. jake gets up from the sofa in the guest lobby right opposite the admin counter where nam go eun works at. in his arms was a single stalk of a pink rose.

“hey,” you greet him quietly as you walk towards him, straying from your colleagues. “why the pink rose?”

jake looks down at it and thinks for a moment, but he doesn’t share. “no reason. it’s been awhile since i’ve given you flowers anyway.”

“you didn’t remember our anniversary wrong, did you?” he hands you the flower and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“‘course not. when have i remember our dates wrongly?”

you turn and look up at him, whose bright doe eyes look like they’d do anything for you. there’s an intrusive thought of a different person that destroys the moment, but mi rae comes to your aid instead.

“hiiiii,” there’s a teasing smile on her lips as she kind of tip-toe-dances into the scene. “you must be jake!”

“i am said ‘jake’,” he grins and nods, licking his lips.

“i’m mi rae,” she holds out a hand. “y/n has your photo on her desk, happy advanced third anniversary.”

“ah,” jake’s enthusiasm seems to die down. his voice goes low and his shoulders sink and something is wrong. he takes her hand. “thank you.”

then there’s an awkward silence that forces you to mentally take jake apart. just by looking at his eyebags, you could tell something was keeping him awake at night, even if he didn’t say it.

jake’s the type to keep his problems to himself because he doesn’t want to burden anybody else.

“you should’ve told me you were coming down, then i’d have dinner with you.”

jake hums in response, thinking of what to say. he was carrying your briefcase in his free hand, and the other interlocked with your fingers. his fingertips are cold, and the weight on his shoulders seemed to spread evenly thoughout his body.

there isn’t a childish swinging of your hands today, nor does he tease you by kissing your hair and cheek.

“it’s okay, i wanted it to be a surprise. i could just order some food to your place if you don’t mind.”

“oh, my mum would probably have some leftover noodles from the store if you don’t mind those.”

“you know i wouldn’t,” he smiles and finally looks up from his feet and at you. his eyes dart between yours and then all over your face like he was trying to find something. the grave feeling in your stomach refuses to leave you.

“are you alright?” a little frown on your forehead gives it away. jake doesn’t seem to be able to look you in the eye anymore. “you seem... tired. is there something bothering you?”

jake’s tongue pokes the inside of his cheek. he’s considering it, but-

“no. i’m just tired from soccer just now. and then i was greedy for wanting to see you tonight so i thought it would be a good idea to surprise you after work. i didn’t realise how heavy it would make this seem.”

“you know you can tell me anything, don’t you?” the corner of your parent’s shop is right around the bend, but you stop him at the junction and pull him to face you. “something is bothering you. why won’t you tell me?”

he gulps. sucking his lips between his teeth and then pouts, sniffling. he looks up at the traffic light and watches as the red man remains. he shakes his head. “nah, i’m okay.”

a pout surfaces on your lips as you push his face to look at you. “please?”

he turns back to look at you. he looks you in the eyes, then at your brows and your hair and tucks a lock behind your ear.

“i just want you to know that i love you,” then down to your hand where he drags his thumb over your knuckles. “i... love you.”

your brows furrow. “what’s wrong?”

“i don’t want to have this conversation with you now.”

“if not now, then when?”

jake frowns and sucks in a deep breath, reaching up to hold your hand holding his cheek. he sandwiches both your palms between his, and pats the back of your right one as he formulates the words in his head. he exhales.

the standing red man switches to the green walking man. the light is so bright, you could see the green in jake’s eyes, but only because he already seemed to be tearing up.

��i... love you so much... that i don’t think i can see you happier with someone else.”

your heart drops. into your stomach, then into your feet and then into hell. instantly, you know what - no, who - he’s referring to.

“i... jay? that’s who you’re worried about?”

his voice comes out as a soft whisper. “aren’t you?”

“what are you talking about?”

“i’m talking about the fact that if he didn’t leave back then, you would’ve gotten together with him. we’re only together now because there wasn’t him.”

“just because he’s back now, doesn’t mean it’ll change our relationship.”

“that’s what you think but i see the way he looks at you,” he pauses. “and i see the way you look at him.”

“we were best friends back then.”

“and that is something i will never have with you. all these memories and values that you have... they are all with him.”

“these aren’t god-level values, jake. you, me, we’re together because you have them too.”

he winces and gulps, dropping his head again. there’s a vein that’s coming out on his forehead. he’s fighting a goliath in his head that’s on the verge of making him cry.

“we’re together because he left. what do you not understand about that?”

“i- what is there to understand?”

jake parts his lips, ready to explain your own predicament to you - but he stops, and then gently shakes his head.

“you... you don’t know you like him.”

“what? no, i don’t. look, you are just... tired and you need to have dinner and go home and get some sleep-”

“no, look me in the eye and tell me that if jay hadn’t left back then, you wouldn’t even consider dating him. you’re telling me that if he stayed, you wouldn’t think about getting together with him?”

his eyes are darting frantically between yours now, like a desperate attempt to search for the ‘no’ he’s looking for.

but he can’t find it. not when your own resolution is caving in, not when your heart knows the answer too.

that’s the downfall of being in love with someone - jake knows your heart even better than you do.

he blinks and looks down at the floor. “i thought so too.”

“that’s hypothetical. whatever you just said to me- it’s hypothetical. jay did leave, we met and we’re together now, isn’t that what’s important?”

“you being happy is important to me. so if i know there’s someone out there that you’d definitely be happier with than when you’re with me then how can i just... keep you?”

“are you- are you really just going to let jay’s presence come between us?”

jake shakes his head.

“it wasn’t him that came between us,” he looks up, face filled with anguish and defeat. “i came between you two.”

your lips are dry. your vision is slightly blurred out. “jake... i don’t know what you want me to do or say.”

“you don’t have to do or say anything,” he purses his lips into a forced smile. “that’s what the flower is for.”

jake drags his palms up your hands and to your shoulders, pulling you in so he can press a kiss to your forehead.

“happy advanced third anniversary.”

life slows down.

jake had sent you home to your doorstep that night and said nothing thereafter. you weren’t sure if it was smart to text him, but a part of you decided not to add salt to his wounds. wounds that you didn’t even know you had inflicted.

no calls. no texts. you would’ve sent him one or two, but you wouldn’t know what to say either.

a day crawled by, then two and three and in another week, it would be your actual third anniversary.

that, unfortunately, you would’ve been unable to celebrate with him anyway because of a company dinner jay’s father organised.

jay hadn’t been around much since the last department dinner. you’ve seen him down the hallways tailing his father or mr kwon but other than a wave or a smile, you hadn’t really had the chance to catch him in a conversation.

not that you needed it.

the table was bustling when you arrive with mi rae and wooshik.

“oi, where’s your department manager?” mrs yoon pops up from next to jay’s father.

“mrs yoon!” the surprise in your voice cues her to throw an arm around you, and before you knew it, she sat you next to her - and right opposite jay. “how are you? is this dinner for you?”

“ah- that’s the question for the boss himself, hm?” she waves it off, turning to jay’s father and grinning.

she starts talking about japan the last couple of months since you left, but none of it is going into your head. your eyes are stuck to the empty cutlery on the table before you, afraid to look up.

jay would see through you like a pane of glass if you did. one look and he’d know instantly that something was wrong.

but remember what i said about loving someone to the point where you’d know their heart?

something jabs your shin under your table. it’s jay’s foot.

you ignore it the first time, convincing yourself he accidentally kicked you.

but he does it again, and this time, you fail to stop yourself from looking up.

his brows are furrowed back, lids hung over his orbs as he desperately but subtly tries to read your eyes.

“do you need anything to drink?” he clears his throat, quickly pulling the drinks menu from mr kwon and sliding it across the table to you.

“um, no,” your ears turn back on. you’re relieved to note that mrs yoon had turned her storytelling to jay’s father and mr kwon. “sorry, i’m just... feeling a little under the weather.”

“oh, sweet!” mrs yoon somehow hears the lie. “are you alright? do you need some tea? oh, you must be worked to the bone!”

“no! no, i’m- i’m fine. i’m just a little tired, but it’s okay- everybody here’s tired-”

“oh, james- would you send the girl home?”

“what? no, it’s fine, mrs yoon-”

“hm? y/n’s not feeling well? are you okay? is it a stomachache or-”

“dad-”

“james, call her a cab or i will.”

“dad, let me-”

“shall i call a cab, mr park? miss l/n does look a little under the weather.”

“what has ji hyuk been asking you to do?”

the simultaneous voices feel like constant pricks on your skin. you hurriedly stand and back away from the table, clearing your throat and picking up your briefcase.

“i’m- i’m so sorry, uncle. i-” you instantly turn to jay’s father, shooting jay himself a side glance as well. “i’m really not feeling the best, so... i think i will take my leave. i’m sorry for the disturbance.”

“oh,” he looks up and blinks a couple of times. he has the same look of concern jay has, and it tears you apart. “don’t worry about it. please,” he stands and gestures to his secretary.

“no! it’s alright, you don’t have to call me a cab. i- i might just hurl if i get into a car. it’s still early so i can walk back on my own.”

“are you sure? can i get jay to-”

“no! no. please.”

now, the entire table knows you’re being a nuisance.

“i’m sorry. i’ll see you all at work monday morning.”

bursting out of the restaurant feels like it should’ve gotten the weight off your shoulders, but all it does is incite the internal caving in. the cold wind rushes over the curves of your face, drying your eyes that were already beginning to tear.

the ache of imagining jake sobbing his eyes out in his bed the last couple of weeks makes you sick to the stomach. the pavement becomes blurry to look at.

then, there’s the guilt. the memory of wanting jay more than anything in the world, the memory that this yearning far supercedes wanting jake rips you into shreds. it makes you question if you even deserve him, if you even deserve either of them.

“fuck!” you scream and kick the tree you stop by. a couple walking by turn to stare at you, but you can’t care less. so you stumble to the bench by the tree and flop down into the thin wooden planks, throwing your head back and looking up at the sky.

faint, rushed footsteps become the source of your new found frustration though, when you can hear it get louder, and then around the corner of the street, it stops.

don’t look. don’t look. don’t look.

you turn your head, neck still reading against the backrest of the bench.

there’s jay, in his adult grey blazer and adult dress pants and adult shoes and the tie that’s flopping around after running and being blown about in the wind.

his hair is in a mess, and his shoulders immediately relax after he spots you on the bench. you turn back to look at the night sky - that’s dimmed from all the light pollution around you - until you can smell jay’s washed out cologne wafting across your face.

the end of the bench creaks when he sits next to you, and you can hear the deep breath he takes.

he sits in silence for a few minutes, and they were the worst few minutes of your entire life. even without a word, you can imagine all the thoughts in his head. he probably wants to ask about jake, but can’t bring himself to poke a needle into the gash in your heart. he probably wants to ask if you’re okay, but knows that it’s a stupid question.

hell, he probably knows this is because of him.

what will he think?

“i’m sorry about making a scene,” you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear.

jay sniffles, glancing at you in the corner of your eye before pulling his blazer off and resting them over your shoulders. he scoots back to the end of the bench, careful to maintain the gap between the two of you.

“you’re lucky nobody hates you.”

“if they didn’t, they probably do now.”

jay scoffs softly, leaning back onto the rest and rubbing his hands together on his lap.

“do you wanna tell me what happened or would you prefer if i left you alone?”

a car drives by. a group of students rush past behind you and into the convenience store, talking about getting instant noodles and coffee.

“i fucked up.”

there’s a soft ding-dong as they enter the store. their voices are muffled once the door closes.

“it was my job to give him the assurance, but i didn’t. i had hurt him way before i realised, and when i finally did... it was too late.”

jay blinks, looking from the street to his hands.

he knows who you’re talking about, even though you hadn’t mentioned his name once.

it had been a couple of days. jay had been looking at the computer screen and sipping on his morning coffee when nam go eun buzzed him on the intercom.

“morning.”

“morning, mr park. there’s a ‘jake sim jae yun’ here to see you, but he mentioned he hadn’t made an appointment. can i check your availability?”

jay immediately looks away from the screen and sets down his mug. “um... could you ask how long he’ll be?”

“okay. excuse me, mr sim, how long would you be with mr park? ah- alright. he says he should be under ten.”

jay gulps, standing and stretching his shoulders.

“alright, send him up.”

jay would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous. why was the boyfriend of the love of his life coming to visit him, personally, at the office?

he rubs his hands together, finding himself suddenly rushing to pack his office. centralise the little vase on the table between the single-seater sofas. refill the water flask on the pantry shelf. clear the stray pens off his desk.

bzzt.

"mr park? mr sim is here."

startled, jay almost swipes the intercom off his table. "shit," he hisses first, then jabs the button on his intercom that opens the door as well. "door's open."

he hears nam go eun bidding jake goodbye as she steps away, and jay mentally prepares himself as he looks up, eyes immediately locking with jake's.

"hey," jay greets like he was meeting an old friend after a long time.

"hey. look, i know you're busy. i said i'd take 10 minutes and i'll keep it at that."

"yeah, no, sure, it's fine," jay waves it off and gestures to the sofa seaters. "can i get you anything to drink? tea, coffee, water?"

“actually, i just wanted to talk to you about y/n.”

the name strikes a chord. “why? is she okay? didn’t she clock into work today?”

jake licks his lips and bites on his bottom one. “i... don’t know the answers to two of those questions, but i can tell you why. we had... a disagreement.”

the taller leans back on his hips, pulling his shoulders back as he stands straight from the response.

“we’re not together anymore, or at least... that’s what i’m hoping she knows.”

“what? what happened? what do you mean you ‘hope she knows’? how can she not know she had a break up?”

jake swallows, wishing with every ounce in him that he didn’t have to spell it out for jay.

“do you love her?”

the question catches jay off-guard. he thinks he’ll get punched in the jaw if he says ‘yes’, so out comes a snarky scoff as he quickly looks away instead.

“what? please, she’s just a friend. i couldn’t ever-”

“i can’t tell you how much she does, but i know she loves you too.”

jay turns and looks at him. “you can’t say that. you don’t know how she feels.”

“no, i know. i know because that’s how she used to look at me.”

a guilty wave of happiness washes through him, but jay is quick to collect himself again.

“do you love her?” he asks again. this time, jay can’t find it in him to relent or hide the truth.

“yes.”

“did you come back in hopes of getting together with her?”

jay finds it hard to believe he has thought about all these questions. it’s like jake had this entire conversation with himself, plotted out the responses or follow-up questions for every single scenario.

“that would’ve been a dream,” jay admits. “but seeing her was enough.”

“why did you ignore her? was it because of me?”

“yeah. i saw you on the first day of work, realised she had a boyfriend and decided to... keep a distance.”

jake gently closes his eyes and breathes. “it broke her heart. i know you did it with good intentions but... the fact that she had so much to say about you not saying anything to her told me alot.”

if their hearts could thump any harder, they’d both be able to hear it.

“i know this might seem irresponsible of me but she won’t accept the break up unless it’s by force, and i don’t want her to stay with me when i know she loves someone else.”

“everything you’re saying is based on assumption. how do you know this is how she feels?”

jake purses his lips and shows a small smile. “i think right now what’s left is the two of you discussing your feelings. it’s no longer my business how she feels about you, because i know, but it seems like you don’t.”

jay looks up from his hands and at you. it hurt to see the tears collecting in the corner of your eyes - he thought that perhaps jake had gotten it wrong, and that you still loved him - but then you turn to look at him with eyes yearning for so much comfort that he couldn’t resist.

he scoots across the bench and automatically sets his shoulder by yours, and it’s the most natural thing for you to lean your head against him.

“do you think you could’ve offered him any more assurance that would change anything?” jay whispers. the question is a joining puzzle piece for you.

“i don’t know.”

the group of kids come out of the convenience store, giggling with ice cream and ice-popsicles.

“did you know? or rather... what do you think... is happening?”

jay inhales a deep breath, feeling your head move on his shoulder. “too many things. i don’t think you’re in the right headspace to think about this and i don’t think i have the authority to share my opinion.”

“but your opinion’s important.”

“and you’re going through a backhanded break up,” jay turns and tries to talk into your hair, but he remembers the invisible wall that’s been there forever. “i don’t think my opinion matters now, or at least... not yet.”

he hears you hum in response - he doesn’t know if you agreed or even listened.

“i just didn’t think it’d end this way.”

“but did you know it’d end?”

a pause.

“yeah. i knew... the moment i caved when we were in japan and asked you and you told me you’d never leave me, and then again when we were on that bridge your father used to take us to and you told me you came back because of me. i realised i had begun daydreaming about you and all the time we lost... instead of thinking about what i had with jake,” a deep sigh. “it feels so detached. i shouldn’t be able to say this all to you so easily, especially when you were the cause of all this. no offence.”

“none taken.”

“i just wish i knew you’d come back, then i wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with jake and had his heart broken.”

“as much as he’s hurting now, i’m sure he doesn’t regret it. you must’ve had so many good times and memories with him.”

“you think?” a small smile pulls your lips as you sit up, turning to him with the tears dried in the corners of your eyes.

“i know,” jay returns the smile.

jay stares sombrely at jake, unable to process the entire conversation. even searching for a reply was difficult. jake can read the confusion and the inability to respond, so he purses his lips and takes a brave step forward.

“i don’t know how you two are going to play out, or what her immediate response to this whole thing will be, but i’m not one to sit around and watch as someone else becomes her best shot at happiness. i’ve... made plenty of amazing memories with her, but you were the one who made her the way she is now. call it a conscience, but i won’t stand between the two of you when you clearly belong together.”

he holds out his hand and sucks in a deep breath. “i trust you’ll take good care of her.”

jay looks down first, then back up at jake’s eyes before he slowly takes his hand. “with everything i have.”

“okay, okay! what can you break without holding or touching it?”

“oh! um- um- um-!”

“promise,” wooshik whispers into mi rae’s ear.

“a PROMISE!” mi rae stands and points at you before turning to wooshik on the couch next to her. “aye, that brain of yours- you could give me half of it and i’d still be dumber than you.”

you shake your head disapprovingly as you set down the game card, sliding it across the table to mi rae. “cheating, i’d say.”

“alright, that was our last round, wasn’t it?” jay leans back in his chair and yawns. “time to go home.”

“we did not invite you to come be a party pooper, mr CEO-in-training,” mi rae rests her fists on her hips and holds her arms akimbo.

“what do you mean?” jay laughs and stands, picking up his bag. “look at the time. go home and get some rest, you have that report due next week, don’t you? don’t think you should be out wasting your weekend away when you should be-”

“oh, blah!” mi rae waves him off, grabbing her purse in a swift motion. “would you tell your man to back off? i can’t do it, he’d fire me!”

“i would not!” jay trails quickly after mi rae, leaving the room behind her. wooshik stays for a moment with you in the game room, looking up at you who was standing.

“how are you holding up?” he quietly asks, carefully stacking the plastic cups and tidying up the table of now-empty snack bowls.

“alright,” you turn to him and give him a small smile. “thanks for asking.”

“i hope you don’t take it to heart that mi rae says these things so mindlessly,” he stands and pats down his shirt. “mr kim’s been loading her with decks to present and emails to send out so.”

“i heard. it’s alright, it doesn’t bother me.”

wooshik reaches out and gently pats your shoulder. hurried footsteps return to the game room and jay’s head pops out around the frame of the door, with mi rae’s right below his.

“you two coming or having a sleepover?” mi rae raising a curious brow.

“we’re going!” wooshik gestures to the table. “we’re just cleaning up the mess the both of you made!”

perhaps this was how it meant to turn out. perhaps it wasn’t. but as you walk down the corridor with jay and mi rae bickering with each other, wooshik pulls out his phone to show you the pictures he took with mi rae on their third date.

you know because he wouldn’t really shut up about it.

then there’s jay, hesitant to make a move and change your dynamics. you know for a fact he’s been going back and forth with himself in his head like a fencing match about whether he should be making a move - after all, it’s been a couple of months since jake broke up with you.

but he hasn’t, and you know it’s because he’s waiting for you to be ready for it when it happens. yet, the question is: are you?

“you sure you guys don’t want a ride home? i’m already driving y/n home.”

“and be a couple of cockblocks? pshht, no!”

you roll your eyes and shake your head at her.

“i’ll see her home, don’t worry. see you guys monday,” wooshik carefully tugs on mi rae’s cardigan, sliding her purse off her shoulder and taking it instead. “night! text when you guys get home.”

“use protection!” mi rae giggles before wooshik disapprovingly pulls her back towards the nearest bus stop.

“goodnight!” jay waves, and gets two in return.

the saturday night wind brushes across your face as he turns around to face you, nodding in the direction of the carpark.

“i’m surprised your dad let you drive.”

“oh, my dad was perfectly fine with it. mr kwon was the one who was adamant on sending a chauffeur but i convinced him i didn’t need a chaperone if i’m hanging out with you.”

“you know,” you get the door open, but pause at it. “i think mr kwon doesn’t like me very much.”

“don’t think he likes anybody much except my father,” jay laughs and stands beside you.

you turn and offer him a small, confused smile, hand on the top rim of the car door. “what?”

“what do you mean ‘what’? get in.”

“i can close the door on my own, jay,” you laugh and gently jab him in the shoulder, trying to shove him back. but he doesn’t budge, instead, resting his palms on the rim of the door - fingers just barely brushing against yours - and the other on the roof of the car.

he leans forward, slowly, and for a moment, your heart stops.

but then, out comes a harsh blow into your face, and a frown cements into your forehead with bewilderment.

“there was a thing in your eye lashes,” he clears his throat, then proceeds to fix your fringe that he blew out of place. “get in the car, woman! else i’ll just take off without you.”

resentment. anger. shame.

he presses a hand on your head and pushes you into the car, ignoring the look of ‘i’m gonna fucking kill you’ plastered to your face.

the door slams shut as he closes it, and you’re frowning to yourself with your tongue poking the inside of your cheek as he walks around the vehicle.

just who does he think he is? wasn’t he the one being all mushy and shit back then? is he toying with me now? what the actual fu-

the door opens and the car jerks when he dumps himself into the driver’s.

he sits in still silence - even the air-conditioning wasn’t on - so you turn and look at him with the most confused eyes you could muster.

“are we not going?”

jay chuckles, sniffling and resting a palm on the steering wheel. “i was just- sorry, i just can’t get over the look on your face.”

“what?” is he joking? “what in the actual fuck are you-”

then this rush of courage waves through jay from his hips and up his torso, propelling his hands to reach across the length of the centre console.

it wasn’t the most comfortable kiss, you’ll admit it, but jay had managed to hold your face with both his hands, thumbs on your cheeks and his fringe tickling your lids.

his breath is hot, but slow - he’s trying his best not to hyperventilate into your nostrils. frankly, you were surprised with how beautifully his head was tilted to fit yours, but he must be stretching something in his body, for his breathing slowly begins to shake and you interrupt this moment with a light giggle.

“what?” he pulls away, eyes widened and cautious.

“nothing,” you laugh and shake your head, face still in his palms. “you’re gonna pull a muscle if you stay in that position.”

“oh,” he gingerly blinks, hurriedly pulling his hands away and retreating into his seat. “sorry. it played out alot better in my head.”

you bite your bottom lip and look forwards, tasting the coca-cola sweetness from the lollipop he had earlier. “‘better’ as in, seeing if i was gonna punch you in the jaw for whatever nonsense you just pulled outside?” raising an unhappy brow with a side-glance, you squint at him.

“i was... testing the waters.”

“oh,” you reply sarcastically, shaking your head and looking out the window. “well, water’s cold now, so.”

“aw, just shut up and leave the moment alone, will you?” jay huffs, embarrassed and irritated. he pulls the car into drive and moves out of the carpark.

there’s an amateur kind of puppy love hanging in the air as jay drives you home, the innocent glances in the reflection of the glass and the long inhales, thinking about what to say, but then... nothing comes out.

you managed through the 10 minute drive in silence, only for jay to get out of the car (read: hurtle) just to get the door open for you.

this whole situation feels stupid, you think. who is this man and what has he done with jay?

when you get to your doorstep, the light’s already off - your parents have gone to sleep knowing you were out with your colleagues and your best fr-

“so... about that just now,” jay shoves his anxious hands into his pockets, looking up at you from the bottom of the stairs. you turn, looking down at him and watching the porch light illuminate all the high points of his face.

his nose, his brows, cheekbones and eyes. his upper lip - that seemed to have been stained by your lipstick.

“what about it?” the coyness in your face puts a snarky smirk on jay’s face as he scoffs.

“my bad. for being a jerk,” he nods and begins slowly going up the stairs.

“ah, aren’t you ten minutes too late?” your eyes slowly travel from looking down to looking up when he finally stands on the same platform as you, his shadow covering your eyes and the only things visible on his face his bright eyes.

“i was ten years too late,” he whispers now, reaching up to cup your cheek and tilting his head. “i think you can handle ten minutes.”

this time, it’s perfect.

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