#seeking my magic
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“You know how you let yourself think that everything will be all right if you can only get to a certain place or do a certain thing. But when you get there you find it's not that simple.”- Richard Adams, Watership Down
Art: The Black Rabbit of Inlé, by Teagan White.
#watership down#richard adams#teagan white#the black rabbit of inle#seeking my magic#in my secret garden#farsickness#art#bedtime thoughts#off to dreams
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See, the term "magical thinking" is perhaps accurate, but I worry that people interpret that as a cutesy symptom rather than as something that can very easily slide into life-ruining thoughts and patterns of behaviour.
I've found that my own magical thinking is often inspired by some incredibly hurtful, very personal fears and traumas, and I wonder if that's what many people also experience. It's helped to reframe my mindset in that I acknowledge that I am not that powerful that everything in the universe is my fault, but... it's still very difficult to deal with, and it isn't a perfect solution.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#magical thinking#see i find this to be a more personal issue and honestly it goes hand in hand with my post about delusions#especially in that often magical thinking can be almost a manifestation of your innermost fears and anxieties...#...i think my personal trauma is woven into how i think - especially in a magical thinking sense - because of how i was abused...#...and it's things like that that make these topics both personal and imperative that you come in not seeking to judge people struggling#i think some people might just assume it's narcissism on steroids because they don't understand either..#...magical thinking OR narcissism and that sometimes worries me
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some small refs I made for my oc, Despair's End Terminal Namicha! (pronounced with a hard ch). I couldn't decide whether the black or blue outline was better
edit: I FORGOT THE I IN TERMINAL
#character design#magical girl#robot oc#robot girl#android oc#original character#im planning a one shot comic for her but i have to work on my portfolio like the next two months so who knows when thatll happen#but yeah she is like a robot who is sentient but has no free will and she wanders the universe seeking to end all despair for robots. which#so she appears to like dying or despairing AI/robots/androids/drones/whatever to grant their wishes#she grants wishes using magic that lets her just edit the laws of the universe as if shes editing code or a computer program#i have alot of feelings about robots
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(Credit or reblog if you wanna use)
#im sure that series about horses who tell you about healthy friendships and boundaries would’ve solved 99 of kens problems#he would return to barbieland and be like:#“dudes.we should uplift each other and stop seeking validation from ppl who won’t give it to us-#-these super cool colorful ponies taught me that”#meme#my little pony#my little pony friendship is magic#mlp#barbie#barbie movie#ken#shower thoughts
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info card on my sona, Lunar!
TRANSCRIPT BELOW CUT! ^^
NAME: Lunar. (Note: Do not call Luna, is deadname.)
AGE: 14 - 16 (Whichever is convenient for plot)
HEIGHT: 5'FT.
SPECIES: Melanoid Axolotl/Siren... thing?
GENDER: Lunarian. (Nonbinary Identity.)
ORIENTATION: Demi-Ro. Ace. Ambiamorous. Neptunic.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
Autistic.
Age regressor. (Goes LITTLE, 0-2.)
OSDD System. (Note: Sona by a system.)
Will refuse all spicy food.
Known to br awkward, affectionate, and quiet.
Weird things- /j
Hair is based off of storm clouds, due to being part siren. (A/N: Based off the idea of merfolk/sirens bring able to control weather.)
Can breathe underwater, and on land. (Perfers water.)
Sees everything in a galaxy like hue, making luar colour blind.
Moon on forehead changes with the moon phases!
NO POWERS. All abilities are visual. (A/N: Okay while I was writing that, I didn't take into account that being able to breathe air AND water is a power.)
Randomly scattered words I forgot I add until last minute:
Pearl necklace to stim.
Fins/Gills! (A/N Instead of ears, somehow, they can still hear??)
Needs glasses.
Lua/Luar/Luan, and They/Them/Theirs! (Pronouns.)
OTHER CARD:
Has axolotl tail.
Has axolotl hands.
Crescent moon glasses.
A/N: Tail is often used as a blanket for luan, but can be a weapon lol.
#Sona#axolotl#Siren#I made so much stuff up#I basically created a new species#Oops-#Nonbinary#lgbtq#Agere#Autism#fantasy#Magic#Uhh#Inka got me hyperfixating on my sona 🥰#PLEASE INFO DUMP ABT UR LUST AND INKA#If you seeking this XD#Lunarsona
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Since I very sincerely doubt Uther managed to kill ALL the Dragonlords (they're knights, not the KGB, and it was a lot easier to disappear back then) imagine them returning to Albion from Rome or whatever to find Cousin Balinor's only son is ruling Camelot and the Druids, is best friends with an immortal knight and one dude that's been raised from the fucking dead, is bonded to THEE oldest dragon they've ever heard of (and who is also nuttier than squirrel stew) and a semi-feral hatchling that barely listens to four (4) people max and hisses/bites/claws at the rest, and oh yeah, is married to a fucking Pendragon.
Family dinners must be a hoot and a half.
oh to be a fly on the wall when they finally make an audience in Camelot. oh to see Merlin's face morph from apprehension to wonder to exhaustion to horror because they're telling Arthur everything they know.
#obviously these guys arrive post battle of camlann and post magic ban being lifted#they heard about the new king of camelot being the once and future king wanted to see that for themselves (they have so many questions)#they create a dragonlord support group for merlin#honestly my question is when exactly did the dragonlord population start dimishing#sure okay we can say during the Purge and Uther isn't one for mercy so he would totally go on a warpath...but they're dragonlords and yet#they lost to a mad king who only had knights on his side.#theory: dragonlord population was dwindling long before the Purge#other kingdoms in Abion were growing suspicious and wary of dragolords and their ability to “control” dragons#many kings felt threatened by it and sought to exterminate them#paranoia for magic prob been around long before the Purge (twas only the catalyst for a century long tension bt royals and sorcerers)#think WW1 kind of tension between kings and dragonlords: kingdoms were beginning to stabilize/unify; territories were drawn out#oh bro i am now actually very interested in exploring the events leading up to the Purge#my theory: Ambrosious the king said to “unite” Albion that first time had issues with gaining fealty from dragonlords#dragonlords saw themselves as neutral ambassadors but Ambrosious saw them as threats; they reached some treaty but the animosity stayed#every line of succession you have a king seeking to get dragonlords under their rule and dragonlords refusing#then maybe a king or so before Uther less heirs for dragonlords occur; less eggs hatch or are allowed to hatch (kings find them and keep#the prized eggs in their vaults full of treasure blatantly ignoring the very sacred and important dragonlord customs)#but then the Purge comes and now many dragonlords are hunted down and killed and many leave to never return#so yeah maybe Balinor was the last dragonlord on Albion by s2 finale but not because they all died but bc he was the last one who stayed#and lived since everyone else now reside elsewhere in the world refusing to rebuild the bridge the kings had burned#bbc merlin#dragonlords#headcanons#asks
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[warning: post about my ‘personal’ ‘romantic’ ‘life’, got a little mopey and oversharey. This Is Tumblr, So Im Posting It Anyway]
I sometimes conceptualize of myself as getting online crushes at the drop of a hat, but in fact that is not true. i develop a vague attraction to some online acquaintance about once every one to two years (and then do nothing about this since the idea of such a thing being mutual is…i mean, i’m not delusional, i’m aware it’s zero. stats irl bear this sort of thing out as far as anyone ever “liking me back.” I also can’t bear the humiliation and indignity of expressing such a thing and how pathetic and presumptuous I’d feel doing so, like a crawling worm that thinks it’s a human. Anyway,)
once every couple years …objectively isn’t “often”! most probably the reason I think “oh that happens so often” is that it, uh, does happen ‘often’ compared to the frequency with which I fall for people in real life. crushes number in the single digits and falling in love happened once, ever, catastrophically and extremely badly, for about four years, pathetically and unrequitedly, until it was finally snuffed out by lack of proximity, like suffocating a fire for lack of oxygen.
I’m slightly afraid it never ended and mostly try not to think about it. I accidentally did something really strange to myself a couple weeks ago by (hilariously, it was thru finding my old homestuck art and then thinking about my life at the time) remembering the wrong memories — Like, it was…trigger-adjacent? Idk I don’t like to use that word about myself I’ve never felt like I had a right — Anyway it was really bad I was in bed like shaking and crying and thinking, it never ended, it never ended, it will never end, I just achieve denial, that’s all I can do, I just wrap myself up in the comfort of imagining A&N or B&V and filling my heart with imagining their love but you idiot it’s all just lying to yourself and forgetting that I’ll never again know the peace and happiness I felt at [redacted]’s side and how that was so much better than nothing even if it would never be returned and ten years going by proves that, just like I knew then, it was once in a lifetime
…this was supposed to be a lighthearted post. Oops! Aaanyway, yes, your local Ebil develops some kind of vague online attraction every so often and then does not do anything about it ever. I think the part of my brain that does that kind of refocuses onto fictional love in a weird way? we’re going to go down a really weird path if i try to explore that further though and I didn’t like the way my mind went there when I —let’s say Mentally Stepped On a Rake as described above
tangent: one of the reasons i can get irrationally hurt over people being dicks about my handful of treasured ships is that part of me is like “you won’t even let me have THAT????” yeah yes i know that doesn’t make any fucking sense. christ. no i swear this post was meant to be lighthearted. oh man
#anyway. net crushes. can think of four examples in the 10yrs since the ((gestures)) ended. so it might be even less than every 1-2 years#ive resigned myself to a life without relationships bc the process of seeking them is simply not something i can bear#that’s a conscious trade off i know i am making.maybe one wil magically happen someday anyway. idk where I was going with this#interestingly none of my online crushes have ever been men??? but the brain destroying love thing was a man. make of that what you will#my feelings towards a healthy variety of fictional men keep me convinced of my persisting bisexuality ((thumbs up))
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al gore did not invent the internet and name algorithms after himself so that a bunch of people could somehow believe there's an algorithm on ao3 suppressing fics from becoming popular (?????????) or whatever
#while we're here PLEASE stop editing your ao3 published date to put it at the top of a tag repeatedly 😭#how long until a helpful person who wasn't there when the deep magic was written comes to tell me al gore didn't do either of those things#also like there's barely an algorithm on tumblr? you have to tag stuff correctly* and expand your network to be seen#(*use your audience-seeking tags like pairing and kink in the first four slots and pray tags are actually working that day/week/month)#(the tumblr recommends algorithm seems to run off likes and potentially your own follower number not reblogs btw)#(i know for a fact that my most popular posts only went viral-heights once my followers passed a threshold not the reblogs)
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gave my change to a cold-looking older guy outside the 7-11 after buying an energy drink cuz i always try to give ppl cash when i can (god knows i've been in tight spots often enough myself) & he very fervently told me "blessings upon you and all of your loved ones for the next month. and then good things for the rest of your life. you're very pretty" which was WAY more intense than the more familiar "thank you" or "god bless." not sure if this is some kinda cultural-specific blessing i'm unfamiliar with but it DID feel like being transported into an old irish myth. this is a very normal down-on-his-luck weird kind human dude and i should not romanticize this kinda hardship but like. how could that NOT feel like being blessed by the actual fae i-
#thank u sir. i WILL have a blessed month. manifesting#this isnt a clout-seeking story. give people cash when you can it's just the normal right thing to do.#i'm just still blinking over how fervent and intense the delivery was. like damn sir there was magic surrounding you#had to pull off the highway to write this text post to get it outta my head#i'm also NOT pretty FKDJFBB. i'm in grungy pjs with no makeup and greasy butchdyke hair. but perhaps the delighted smile made me prettier
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Photo by Mary_Peach, posted to r/Halloween
#autumn aesthetic#autumn dreams#autumn#halloween countdown#all hallows eve#halloween#spooky season cometh#spooky season!!#cat#pumpkin#seeking my magic#in my secret garden#farsickness
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#bo posting#vent#why is the automatic response to feeling lonely#getting upset that everyone around me cant magically insinuate i feel this way#and then self isolate#why is it hard NOT to do that#like i know its not helping but the thought if reaching out then becomes this whole thing of like#if you tell someone youre lonely youre either overreacting or manipulating them#and theyll know and theyll be upset#its hard to push myself to seek validation or reassurance#or to give myself that#like it feels??? pathetic ig????#to both feel this and to ask for help??? and idky#neutral ass tone for all of this like#im not spiraling but u gotta get my thoughts out#just. confused by my own behaviour#maybe i am upset i dont really know
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Downloaded hoopla just to reread Howl's Moving Castle because now I'm thinking about Sophie being trapped in these expectations of her destiny and subconsciously cursing herself so that she can live freely as something other than the oldest daughter.
Howl's Moving Castle is such an interesting exploration of a world where fairytale tropes are seen as laws of nature and the ways that the people of that world fight against the boxes they're forced into.
#sophie and her sisters are sooooo interesting#and it breaks my heart that this part of her characterization was completely left out of the movie#because so much of her personality and so many of her choices make so much sense in the context#of knowing that as the eldest sister she's destined to live a completely average and unremarkable life#and that any attempts at seeking out something better will lead to her failing miserably and suffering for it#and she is SO TRAPPED BY THIS#she is so set in the belief that she will never be anything over than average that she doesn't even know that she has magic!#and being cursed to be an old woman is something she embraces because it lets her break out of that box#sophie the eccentric old lady has so much more freedom than sophie the eldest of three daughters#and it's her sisters resisting their own fates#(the second will be beautiful and successful and happy and the third will be powerful and intelligent and change the world)#(and only the third is allowed to seek anything more than what she's given)#that makes sophie start to wonder whether her fate is really set in stone#howl's moving castle
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Finally a WIP that made it out of development hell. In honour of late Good Omens Eve have a study/redraw of our favourite snazzy snake.
#laufxson#good omens#good omens s2#crowley#gotta look your best when your 6000 year old crush has their big moment on stage#they still think human magic is cringe#but you gotta support your favourite adversary#i mean its very demonic to encourage an angel to seek fame and glory infront of an audience#thats (checks notes) gotta be pride he's fomenting#this crowley and 1940 crowley gotta be my favourite look#very dashing#no wonder zira finally fell for him although I would've been done for after Noah#did you see the currrllss on this girlie#scrumptious indeed#he's zira's personal guardian demon#is guardian demon a thing?#it must be otherwise I have nonclue what the fuck crowley is#i want a guardian demon honestly#i'm gonna eat my socks soon can't wait for s2
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heya! if you still need that enrichment, i have a worldbuilding prompt for you!
one of those classic "untranslatable" words is the portuguese word "saudade": a noun, referring to the emotion of nostalgia for someone or something. a noun for the emotion of missing something. it comes from the latin "solitatem" (solitude), with influences from the words "saúde" (health) and "saudar" (to greet).
enjoy!
THIS MAY BE ONE OF MY FAVS IVE EVER DONE . I need to use this for something
For this magic system, people passively amass magical energy. Some do so faster than others, but no one exactly understands why. Loads of tests and experiments have been run, comparing what people have in common and what they don't, but nothing definitive has come from it. Powerful magic users are able to build up their reserve faster than most, but it's not clear if this is cause or effect.
Casting magic has a wide range of effects, also poorly understood. People can tap that energy to increase their conviction, their strength, their luck, as well as projecting such changes onto other people. The most powerful casters can affect the physical world by moving, summoning, or even destroying objects.
The truth of it? Magic is fueled by memory. As people passively forget things, they stockpile magical energy. The content of those memories determines what they can use the magic for, although that depends almost entirely on what the Catalyst Memory is.
There's an entity behind all of this, something that takes memories and replaces them with magic energy. Every single time someone casts, they see this entity, and give it a Catalyst -- the contents of it (almost always meaning the emotions contained within) are what determine the magical effect. A memory of weakness can be drawn upon to make the enemy weak, and a memory of healing can repair the caster's body. The entity takes the memory and amplifies its effect onto the target, following the intent of the caster.
The most experienced magic users can draw on the most vivid memories to affect the physical world. They can summon an object that they're deeply familiar with, or recall destruction in gruesome detail to recreate it upon a target.
A meeting with the entity happens in a moment, the caster immediately forgetting about its existence. All they're left with is a feeling of nostalgia.
#bird does magic systems#rambles#IM VERY VERY EXCITED ABT THIS ONE .#I had the image pop in my head of a villain who figures out the system#and seeks out horrible violence and destruction in order to cast the memory of it on their targets
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Professor Meadowheart save me
Save me professor Meadowheart
#My dearest Shadar Kai magic teacher#My beloved Shadar Kai that left the Shadowfell to seek something more filling#Professor Ephraim Maenenrum#EliGoCharacters#EliGoArt#traditional sketch#dnd#d&d#dungeons and dragons#dnd charcter art#dnd character#d&d character#d&d oc#dnd oc#doodle dump
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Got so excited about a concept for my dnd character that it made me nauseous
#wacky watermelons#dnd#i thought to myself. woah what if eddie got possessed. thatd create such intresting dynamics#and then the force of a really interesting idea and the part of my brain that shuts down anything too out of possibility collided#and i got both light headed and nauseous like god was personally smiting me#which would honestly be deserved#but anyway. imagine#eddie. ball of nerves and self hate extraordinaire vs being forced to hurt the people he cares about#how do you deal with that?#how do you deal with that when all you can think is how selfish you sound when you bring it up?#how do you deal with that when the people you would seek comfort from now have reservations?#even if they know. it was still your face and your voice#anyway. this is probably not happening in campaign. but man do i love a good possession#ah fuck they did briefly possess ryke right? it was during a boss and for. a turn.#whatever. im going to try to mentally beam this to my dm like im reinventing magic#you guys will hear about it if it happens#hmu if you want to hear about the things actually happening to these fools. theres so much and i get so worked up
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