Polemik kembali pulang
Setiap bukaan batch 1/2 beasiswa populer negara ini pasti muncul opini “sekolah yang jauh, jangan lupa pulang”. Always. Isu yang selalu digembar-gemborkan, biar para calon Awardee dan Awardee NGEH, kalo mereka harus langsung mengabdi kepada negara yang ngebiayain mereka ratusan juta bahkan bermilyar rupiah. Apalagi masih ada ratusan orang yang belum pulang, yang gak tau deh hidupnya tentram apa gak, dijulidin satu indonesia.
Tadi aku baru liat yutub nya pak Gita Wirjawan sama pak Bagus Muljadi sbg diaspora di UK. Obrolan yang well-said banget, khususnya stressing out bahwa anak doctoral yang langsung balik ke Indo itu seakan diputus semua resources-nya dan terbebani administrasi kampus. Well-said.
Kalau aku boleh beropini sih, ya boleh lah ini kan blog ku, hehe. Untuk jenjang s2, bolehlah dibuat skema “langsung pulang”, karna toh pekerjaan yang qualified s2 udah mulai banyak di indo, I mean, bukan hanya dosen. Skema 2n+1? Hm, kelamaan kali ya. Bisa N nya aja gak? hehe, kan kalo dia mau lanjut s3, lebih muda lebih baik.
Untuk jenjang s3, kalo memang dia dosen, gausah pake peraturan ina-inu pun, dia pasti balik, percaya deh. Atau, kalo kampus mau dia punya pengalaman post-doc, biar memperkaya networking-knowledge-skill apapun itu, bisa kali ya 3-4th postdoc dulu, abis itu balik ke kampus. Kalo s3 yang bukan dosen? ya sama, dikasi waktu buat explore post-doc 3-4th, terus balik indo, demi nambah wawasan dan meningkatkan bargaining position dulu nih. Bener kata pak Bagus, mempersiapkan resources di bidang pendidikan itu gabisa instan. Bukan macam politisi yang bisa langsung nyaleg, enggak.
“Kembali pulang” ini yang menjadi concern ku, apakah aku harus apply lagi beasiswa populer? test ielts lagi ketiga kali? Ya tentu bukan soal 3jt sih, males belajarnya, capek! wkwk. Gak deng, lebih ke, “beneran nih abis doctoral langsung pulang?” dengan kondisi aku hafal banget iklim riset di negara ini kayak gimana, BRIN nya aja problematik diomongin narasi/kompas/tempo mulu. Ya gausah jauh-jauh denger dari berita deh, bos ku di litbangkes aja, mau publish di scopus Q1-4 yang berbayar, gak bisa, gak ada dana katanya. Lawak banget. Juga terjadi sama temanku di LIPI. Mau conference ke LN pun gak ada anggarannya, apalagi publish di jurnal scopus. Another lawak stori. Itu yang jelas-jelas di institusi penelitian pusat. Bayangin dosen-dosen umbi, apa yang mereka lakukan? kerja sampe malem, weekend masih kerja juga, borang-borang-borang, disuruh publikasi mulu tapi duit penelitiannya dikit, waktunya pun gak ada, kan ngajar mulu. Apa yang kamu harapkan? hahhaha. Bahkan bos ku yang udah prof di FKUI aja mengeluh kenapa porsi ngajar banyak banget padahal beliau pengennya penelitian biar bisa nulis. Hadeh. Polemik.
Mentorku s2-s3 di belanda, post-doc di UK-US I guess, kemudian balik ke Indonesia. Jadi dosen di UI dengan gaji UMR. Sorry. Gak make sense. Makanya beliau banyak project sana-sini, sempat full-time manager di institusi penelitian, ya buat nutupin gaji dosen honor nya itu. Dulu pas di Boston, beliau bisa beli mobil, balik Indo, mana ada. Sad. Untung sekarang beliau udah pindah ke Monash Indo, yang aku yakin benefitnya lebi banyakkkkkkk sampe bisa beli apartemen di BSD.
Kolega terdekat, ada yang ngelepas s3 beasiswa populernya karna gak dapet ijin dari atasan. Bayangin! se-bodoh apa atasannya, ada yang mau sekolah, dah dapet beasiswa, gak diijinin! Akhirnya dia ambil beasiswa kampus di Thailand dan langsung resign. Ada juga teman yang lanjut doctoral di Rusia, lagi perang malah sekolah disana kan, pinter. Temanku yang lain, beberapa juga lanjut PhD dengan beasiswa yang gak nyuruh mengabdi. Aku tergoda. Se-besar apapun living allowance yang diberikan beasiswa populer, gak sebanding dengan flexibility ketika lulus nanti.
Penutup, untuk saat ini, aku masih mengejar beasiswa yang gak perlu langsung balik, biar hidupku tenang gak ditanya-tanya “kapan balik”.
9 Februari 2023
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So remember my big sbg theory doc? forget that existed, heres the new one
Discusses up to Ep 61. Fast-pass spoiler FREE
Content discussions about death, mental illness, sui.cide; yknow. Heavy Thriller webtoon stuff (tm)
[Hamilton chorus voice] NUMBER ONE: Giant freakin phantompedes and how to escape them
-I was right about the football field lights to try to kill them idea yippee
-HOEWVERR, theres so many attacking the school rn and its freaking collapsing?? I literally dont know how they’re gonna get outta this
-Unless (unless) my Phantom Ashlyn theory is relevant, ashlyn can talk to them and tells them to go away and they… do! idk lol it's stupid but maybe ash has enough girl boss energy to convince them. or theyre so shocked by a human talking to them theyre like "dang ok". Could still happen!
NUMBER TWO: Phantom Transformation Theory
So it’s Basically confirmed:
If you die in the PD, you start to turn into a Phantom.
Of course we wont know for sure until we actually SEE it but like, Aiden’s creepy af smile and basically coming back to life in ashlyn’s arms after DYING it’s like, basically confirmed.
Ash wonders why Aiden snapped out of his seizure so fast compared to Tyler. Severity of injuries could definitely be a factor (tho like, im assuming Aiden got freaking blunt force trauma brain damage which, to me, is just as bad as being impaled). Another factor could be that Tyler died only about 30 minutes into the Time, while Aiden died almost right when it ended. And… we saw how fast Aiden started to “turn”. Red technically never shows us Tyler during those hours after he died. He very well… may have completely phantomized, but when he woke up in the real world, the transformation reverted. I'm very scared abt what Aiden’s gonna be like next night.
SUB THEORY: The Power of Human Connection and Phantom Reversal
Remember how Jasmine (the gang tour girl) asked if it was alright that all the kids got sucked in w/ ashlyn? This implies that
1. They usually expect 1 person/their target to get sucked into the PD
2. The origami gang has never dealt with a group being sucked in at once
- I believe (and the evil gang doesnt know this) that the kids being together is an integral part of their future survival. Tyler snapped back to consciousness in the hospital after Taylor had her PISSED moment. This moment was similar to Logan’s freakout, in that it tugged the phantom world to the real world, for a second. I think these intense emotions (taylor’s specifically out of anger and worry for her twin), pulled tyler’s “soul” out of the PD and into the RD.
- Now, you may ask, “what abt if a random person got into the PD and died and went into a seizure/coma? Why couldnt their loved ones “bring” them back?” thats a good Q idk. Perhaps the kids all being in the PD together is what creates this flow, a two-way street, between the two dimensions.
- Anyway also while Ashlyn and co didnt didnt get into an angry freakout moment when Aiden died, but we all know Ash and Aiden got something developing/going on thats special ♥, and thats what tugged Aiden back (its cliche but its the power of love there i said it).
- Also NOT saying that the other kids’ concern over their friends doesn’t matter or count (Ben and Aiden are Fam too), but like, i’m wondering if it needs to be a REALLY INTENSE love (familial/romantic/whatever) in order to basically bring someone back from the dead. idk
-interestingly, ty WAS essentially in a coma-like state, like how the spy said, which supports that it’s expected that ppl die in the PD eventually, and go into comas. I’m wondering if those who normally get sucked into the PD and die, theyre dealing with it by themselves, have no one to “pull them back” like taylor and/or ashlyn did, and they stay in a coma.
-rlly hope the boys arent like “possessed” or smn. Maybe the soul is like, tainted? Those big black eyes man… (ALSO THAT PREVIEW IMAGE WITH LOGAN AND THE BIG BLACK EYES??? WHAT??)
-going off the dead PD ppl turn into phantoms theory>> If a phantom is killed, their connected person in the RD who was in a coma dies fr permanently
NUMBER THREE: Ashlyn and the Phantoms (cool new band name)
we know the kids are getting influenced by the PD, making phantom noises (further supports phantoms were people theory) but with Ashlyn's "really strong" connection to the PD, she's in special danger. If one can turn into a phantom without dying, it's gonna be her. Ryan the spy said that "the girl" – assumingly ashlyn– should be "especially" at risk of danger. This could be bc she was the one who interacted with the rift, or bc she already has a higher level of phantom influence on her.
-when ashlyn told the phantom to let go, and her friends to calm down, both times she spoke with a black speech bubble WITH PHANTOM NOISE LINES NEAR IT. this is different than characters who have also spoken with black bubbles (aiden, logan, taylor). obviously these have been with threats/malice, but they didn't have the red lines. These times ashlyn has spoken, the phantom acknowledged her voice, and her friends' spell-like violence trance was broken. Theory: ashlyn not only can hear phantoms, but she can speak their language sort of
-when ashlyn was born, a phantom like touched her in a blessing/cursing sense which is part of the reason why she can hear phantoms and her strong PD connection. possibly even possession????
-tldr i want ashlyn to enter her monster girl era
The evil gang seems confused why the kids have lasted so long. maybe Ashlyn's PD connection goes both ways. she provides a strong anchor to the RD. Maybe the PD is USUALLY all desolate with the pillars that we saw in the finale (maybe it's even an afterlife of sorts?), but Ashlyn makes a huge radius (~30 miles! (assuming kids were driving at least 60mph for 30 minutes)) of the PD around where she wakes up mirror the real world, creating a safer space for her and the kids. meanwhile a normal person that gets sucked into the PD gets thrown into a desolate hell world different from the RD (also maybe stuck there permanently), causing them to die much quicker.
-maybe this influence is even part of the reason why RD tyler is awake (And aiden)
-Ashlyn's influence extends to jamming the recording devices like some kind of weird phantom static.
-Broke: Ashlyn's parents wanted her to learn self defense and have a knife bc they're in the military. Woke: they want her to be able to protect herself after the phantom scare when she was a baby
-Also THANK GOD she’s finally acting on her intuition. Sm times she’s been like “this feels bad!” and doesnt do anything. Almost makes me wonder if it’s a supernatural intuition based on phantom stuff. Like shes WAY OFF from the hospital and the drama and is like “HMM! Smn going on”
NUMBER FOUR: Origami gang and Co INC.
-The gangs symbol is an origami crane (orizuru). the crane in East Asia has longevity as one of its symbolisms, with some myths saying it flies souls up to paradise. there's the popular myth that if you fold 1000 cranes you get a wish.
Heres where the evil twist comes in. The gang boss believes that if he traps 1000 people in the PD as like, a sacrifice, then he'll get a wish and he'll ask for eternal life or whatever. this gang is a cult and he's tricked everyone saying that they'll also get a long life but really it's probably only gonna be him 🤫 So they go around to different haunted places in America and pick ppl they sense can open these shadow rifts and get sucked in. the phantoms may be ppl they trapped in the past and they've turned into phantoms
-Ryan, the guy who's spying on the kids, maybe is ALSO "Mr. thomas". he just puts on a wig and is a good actor lol. this is the reason why he asks about "Mr. Thomas's" fate. What goes against this is that Ryan seems to know all about the PD mechanisms, which doesn't fit Mr. Thomas being confused abt ashlyns hair. Unless he wasn't expecting it
– or "Mr thomas" could just be Ryan's friend or brother or smn. A low ranked guy in the gang that got stuck with roping Ashlyn into Savannah, but doesn't know the truth/details about the PD.
-the gang mentions that "both sides" are trying to track them. either the government and a supernatural hunting group, or even some force in the PD like some Alpha Phantom like the devil who's like "Where's my dead people quota hello?" or better yet "you're messing with MY domain and I'm gonna Get You".
-This is based solely on the Boss' appearance and smiling countenance: the gang Boss is Aiden's uncle, his dad's brother, his weird, estranged brother who's also evil probably. I'm really hung on this idea don't mind me
-you have to be able to make a paper origami crane from memory to be an official gang member /hj
NUMBER FIVE: Gen story/Character arcs and futures
-ready for a “power of love and friendship” aesop. these kids are gonna be so Bonded now after these traumatic experiences
-i had come up with an elaborate “death order” but thats now completely jossed now so im ignoring that
-PRAISING THE FREAKING LORD THAT ALL THE PARENTS KNOW NOWAND THAT MIKE BELIEVES THEM AND IS HELPING HIS DAUGHTER. DAD OF THE YEAR AWARD. IF ANYTHING AHPPENS TO HIM IM SUEING!!!!!
- SO NOW that all the parents know, and like, have seen all the phantoms and everything and BTW WILL PROBABLY GET SUCKED INTO THE PD AT SOME POINT because they felt the shift like the kids did, they help the kids get to Savannah yippee!! a cool Big family squad force they all hop on a working school bus or smn and drive there. PLs
- the families getting sucked in would be HUGE cause they arent prepared. Logan’s grandparents and Lily are top targets 😭
So the kids are gonna get kidnapped. that's definitely gonna be a thing, either mid S2 or ending. up in the air whether the kidnapping is successful or not. (assuming the gang would be smart enough to get rid of the kids’ phones when they get them)
-actually I'm placing my bets now S2 finale will be them getting kidnapped and it just cuts off there for another awful cliffhanger.
-since it seems Mr thomas will be involved, he'll ask the kids to stay after school to talk abt their failing grades or smn, and then maybe they're hit with knockout gas??
OR the gang has been spying on them so they pick a time the kids all separated and jump them.
-maybe this is when aiden knowing where ashlyns dance studio is is actually plot relevant!!?? like he (and Ben probably cuz they're always together) are able to escape their attackers and Aiden goes to help ashlyn cuz he wants to make sure she's OK. and she's either fine cuz she's a girl boss and can kick butt, or he saves her oo la la
–lol imagine kidnapping is successful, gang tells kids why they were kidnapped, (if Evil Boss Uncle theory is true this helps facilitate this) but Ashlyn "goes off" on Aiden yelling and "attacking" him and stuff saying he's part of the gang, he planned it all along etc, but it's all a ruse to have the gang think she'll cause another energy spike (and Aiden gets this and plays along) so assuming the kids are locked up, the gang opens their cell to stop ashlyn, and that's when they escape lol
so like, i THOUGHT ashlyn/aiden was gonna be a slow burn but HAHAHA. i mean not as freaking slow obviously as like Miraculous love square lol, but like slow for thriller standards? But things are gonna be heating up between these two 😏 watch ashlyn be ~conflicted~ and ~in denial~~. And meanwhile poor aiden is a confused boy who doesnt know what ash wants like “b u told me to give u space and now here u are grasping my hand like ur life depends on it”
Sorry back to character arcs:
Ashlyn: Learn to trust and connect with people, make friends, lean on others. Could be nice if she accepts and admits the kids are her friends by the end of S2, leaving the next season for Aiden/Ashlyn dev specifically? More development about her connection with the PD, which could put friendship to the test. [already getting this with her dad and Aiden so this is great]
Also she has the freaking GUILT like i expected! Watch her think tay hates her for like a week before tay is like “no?? I hate the ppl who did this to us instead” and then they hug it out 👍
Taylor: Willing to bet money the twins are unhealthily codependent on each other. She is on the edge bro. Unhinged feral. Is probably gonna be more angry in general despite it being a bad idea, like the top has been blown off. Bottled up emotions~!
Still thinking she’ll get close to Ben too (whether anything romantic develops on top of it is debatable, but I can see it. theyve already got a cute little closeness going on)..
Tyler: Get this boy some ~THERAPY~ help he’s so depressed and angry. Learn to have hope again (like ben 😭). He has so much negativity inside him, i dont think that’ll help with whatever is going on with him rn like, hes probably in the THICK of the PD influence. He’s kinda like ash, needs to learn to rely on others.
Logan: Seems to be overcoming his fragility well if the arcade scene is any indication. Still has self-worth issues to overcome due to his parents' abandonment. Maybe we'll learn more about that in S2. That could be a rumor and the real reason he lives with his grandparents is that his parents died but idk why that'd be hidden unless their death was suspicious (like, drug ring?? His gpa got the GOODS APPARENTLY).
Ben: Still needs to find a new passion for life, i suspect playing musical instruments like the guitar will be the answer (thank you tyler). Tho maybe learning to love his altered voice could happen? (tons of dudes have a rough/husky singing voice that ppl love) But this is probably unlikely.
Aiden: Good Lord like, Aiden being (most likely) suic.idal in the past (and possibly even still NOW?) has floored me. I figured his loneliness and suspected parental neglect was bad but IT’S BAD. Dude wants to feel alive and not depressed… frick. AIDEN ARE YOU going to therapy??? Do your parents KNOW??? Is that why your parents finally settled down?? Guh. this on top of probably untreated ADHD.
–I’m assuming now Aiden started dying his hair to try to get any fragment of serotonin.
– Kinda wondering if he grew up in a "toxic positivity" mentality home, where his parents are like "we're so privileged we shouldn't complain" ?
– im actually THIS close to beating Aiden’s parents with a stick.
NUMBER SIX: Miscellaneous predictions, wants, musings & hypotheticals.
-guessing now that the twin’s dad had cancer or smn
-hey uh what about the photo Logan took of the phantom back at the sorrel-weed house?? surely he still has it? can he show the parents?? will they be able to see it?
-Logan saw the whole Aidlyn hug from the roof from his snipper position, change my mind.
-Another “death” will happen in S2, possibly even two deaths. (GOD I WAS RIGHT)
-Mr thomas switches sides and helps the kids, gives them info
-Ryan (the spy) switches sides and helps the kids
-the tour lady Jasmine and the Boss are a hot evil couple
also kinda want them to have a Rourke & Helga dynamic where he throws her under the bus at the last moment and she's Bissed
-I want the boss to die by his own evil plan.
–i doubt a redemption arc will happen but I'd be down for it if done well.
-*grabs your shoulders until they bleed* listen. Aiden saved ashlyn, now I need her to save him. I need this.
-Taylor and Ashlyn girl time please!!!
-Logan and Aiden becoming closer would also give me joy. big Freckle and Rocky energy.
-this doesn't have to happen but I think it'd be really funny if Aiden somehow gets the IDEA that Logan has a crush on Ashlyn when Logan doesn't, causing a stupid silly short jealousy arc.
-actually I really need a "can skydive from 10,000 ft but can't confess to the girl he likes" Aiden Clark
-I've got a bad feeling smn will happen to Ashlyn's parents, specifically her dad
-if any of the gang/cult members hurt the kids or their fam fr irl im gonna >8) lose it
-the Origami gang fails to kidnap the kids and they accidentally create a huge "energy spike", making phantoms appear everywhere in town.
-if the kids DO get kidnapped successfully, I want Ashlyn to be an awesome girlboss and use her knife shoes to help them escape.
-if my puppy fic became Canon that'd be swaggie actually.
-let Ashlyn have a dog 2023
-pov you're in Georgia in the fall and a hurricane hits, knocking out solar power for a few days. what then? :)
-when all this garbage is over and they hopefully all live in the end, I want them to have a fun stargazing party led by Logan cause they can finally enjoy the night (And maybe aidlyn have their first Kiss?? 🙈)
-If there ISNT a "group goes to see Ashlyn in a ballet performance" scene then I'm WRITING IT MYSELF
-At the end of all things, Aiden and Ashlyn will become a couple, or at least have reciprocal romantic feelings. This is not just my shipper heart talking. I feel it in my brain, in my soul.
-So we know one or both of Aiden’s parents are writers. If anyone knows if that trophy Aiden’s dad is holding in that photo is a real award, hmu
-a kid going into an angry protective phantom mode to protect another(s) 😳 (aidlyn on the brain but it could be anyone)
-if I had a nickel for every time I've imagined Aiden dying in Ashlyn's arms, I'd have many nickels (IT BASICALLY HAPPENED! GREAT! 👍😭)
-what if having a good singing voice ran in Ben's family? haha jkjk…unless??? but they don't sing like ever cuz they don't want Ben to feel bad
-man what if an sbg kid “died” by a phantom pushing them down a set of stairs..
-Rlly hope that Aiden's parents don't get scared seeing phantoms in their house and hearing other families having phantoms in THEIR houses and thinking the whole town is haunted, and they consider moving which they don't wanna do bc Aiden finally has friends but what else can they do!? angst.
-John 15:13 for Ashlyn with the others except it's not permanent (I'm not saying ash is a Jesus figure tho WHWKEJEJDJ)
-I rlly wanna see ashlyn laugh
-Taylor actually using her mechanic skills. like maybe the jeep gets damaged [HAPPENED] and she fixes it. I dont want that jeep gone bro its already iconic (update: it’s probably gone bro.. sad)
-might be nice for Logan to have a reflection moment where even though all this horrible stuff is happening some good came out of it like he's not a slave to bullies anymore
-I want to see Ben happy. well actually I want them all happy pls
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