ailette's preoccupation with feeding tesilid food is really cute and funny and wholesome, especially given how tesilid doesn't really seem to place as much importance on food even if he does appreciate it.

neither ailette nor the narrative ever acknowledges this, but i think it probably has its roots in her first life. when she grew up always hungry and never really had consistent and reliable access to food that was either delicious or nutritious. i think it just becomes really important to her that someone who means the world to her always gets to eat well. even if she lives well now in this life, her traumas from her past life maybe still subconsciously impacts how she navigates life.

One of my triggers is when someone says that villain cannot be or deserve to be redeemed. Like they acknowledge the tragic circumstances, but they say like the villain show no remorse for killing innocent people or just want to destroy everything. I really don't like people saying they want the villain have some naruto's redemption. But I feel like they missed point of why many of us want it. The villains never had a choice unlike endeavor or afo.

Agreed.

I think some people dont understand the meaning of redemption. Redemption means facing with what you did, taking responsibility and this is the best thing that person can do. To me, there is no such thing that great villain or best villain, something like improving yourself to be better villain cause being a villain is literally comes from choosing to not improving yourself to be better person. People dont choose to be evil or bad, they learn all bad things from their environment. They just simply dont choose to be better person and thats the flaw of "villains" have. Choosing to do wrong things usually comes from lack of goodness, lack of empathy.

Like, Overhaul was abandonded and traumatized by it. He was used  as a tool by Yakuza. They used a child. And Overhaul became a yakuza and he truly wanted to pay his boss for taking him in. But what makes overhaul “bad” guy is not choosing to be yakuza cause he was groomed to be, his flaw was choosing to not changing. He could’ave emphatize with his underlings and could connect with them. He could emphatize with Eri cause Eri is just like her, she was abandoned and taken by Yakuza. Overhaul went to school and had people around him, instead of obsessing with past, he could open himself to new people. he could gain new different perspectives, he could at least try. Overhaul didnt suddenly decide to destroy little girl, he learnt those horrible things from Yakuza but when he could choose to be better person, he didnt.

There is a reason that Shigaraki is meant to be parallel with him. Unlike Overhaul, Shigaraki didnt go to school and he didnt have people around him, he was isolated but when he met with other people, he chose to care, listen their needs.

This shows that Shigaraki choosing to change but there are villains who doesnt want to change. I dont know that what kind of person Overhaul would be, if he had better life or if he could ever change for better but for now, he doesnt seem to want to change and story didnt give any hint about it.

There is a reason that some characters get redemption but some do not. The characters/villains who dont get redemption or who dont want to change is not cool or “loyalty to their evil cure” or something like that. They are people who choose easy ways cause redemption means taking responsibility and trying to be better person, improving yourself as person is not easy at all.

Murder is bad, wrong, yes but we all are humans equally and people dont just suddenly decide to doing worst thing. And sometimes, people dont have too much choices, sometimes they can be in hard situtions, sometimes they do things to survive, many reason can be, we cant know that. So yes, murder is bad but that doesnt mean that murderer is bad person.

The thing that many people ignore is anyone could do those horrible things. Lets say, you are in hunger game. If you dont kill, other person will kill you. Many people would choose to kill. Or lets say, if you dont kill, they will your family or you are hungry and if you cant kill that person, you wont get food. blah blah. Point is what importance is not the degree of crime.

Most important thing is How aware is the perpetrator of what he is doing? Under what conditions did he make this choice? when and where did he make this choice?

Abuse, rape, murder. These things are all bad things (i wont talk about rape cause i dont have enough information about it cause it mihgt relate a lot of things.).

For example, Endeavour abused his family, Shigaraki killed people. Many people wouldnt care abuse or bullying cause “its not like they died”, most people tell them to get over it and they ignore all the effects of abuse. (This is actually what bnha focus on. Abuse.) Well, of course killing is pretty bad though.

Now, we can ask the questions.

-What Endeavour did?

Violence towards his family

When Endeavour made this decision?

He was grown man, basically when he was an adult, an age that you are responsible for your actions cause you can see the difference between right and wrong and you are capable of holding yourself

Under what conditions did he make this choice? 

He did work so hard to be No 1 hero but he failed, um, he has money, access to a lot of things, good education so of course, when you worked hard and you dont get results, you will be so upset, it would be hard. But we can say that Endeavour wasnt even really in hard sitution at all.

What kind of choices he made?

He chose his ambitions over well being of his family. So basically he made very selfish decision with his own will for the sake of selfish desires and it resulted with other people’s getting hurt and Endeavour didnt even care about that.

How this selfish decision affect other people?

His wife became unstable and stayed in hospital for 15 years, she is still in there

Shouto lost his all childhood, he was traumatized and still having flashbacks from his trauma

Fuyumi had to act like a parent since her young age, Natsuo has anger issues cause of all this stuff

Touya/Dabi literally dealing with mental issues, identify disorder cause of abuse effects

So basically, Endeavour is fully responsible for what he did.

Btw for the people who dont know, this is a crime in real life, he should be arrested but look at what he got. He decided to change, like 6 months ago or something. Except of his hero job, he apologised and left the house for them and thats it. Rei and Fuyumi already is ready forgive him cause Rei wants his children to be happy cause Endeavour took that hapinness from them, Fuyumi just wants happy normal family cause Endeavour took that normal family life from her, Shouto is forcing himself to forgive cause to be able to be hero, he needs to work with his father and his all family wants this. From people’s eyes, Natsuo seems “someone who couldnt get over past” just because he didnt forgive his father or just because he didnt act like nothing happenned, he gets social pressure from it. This probably didnt happen, if Endeavour wasnt prohero.

Now, lets look at Shigaraki.

What Shigaraki did?

Murder, kidnap, threatinning, violent behaviours without hesitations

When Shigaraki made this decision?

Lets look at how it all started.

When Shigaraki chose to kill people?

when he was 5 years old? when he was 7-8 years old when Afo manipulate him to kill people? or when he became an adult and continuing this murder?

Point here is; children cant be responsible for crimes for a reason cause they dont have ability to understand what is right what is wrong.

so when he killed his family; it was accident except his father.

But with his father, it was self defense. Many people want to believe that it was intentional but its not, his father hit him and he reacted to violence, thats it. There is also other fact that children can not able to hold theirselves, especially like when you just watched all your family s death in front of your eyes.

So, logically he can not be responsible for his family’s death.

When he was 7-8 years old, Shigaraki is making a decision here and from this moment, he continues the murder but what kind of decision he is making? Under what conditions did he make this choice?

He was traumatized and he is dealing with abuse effects, his anger, negative feelings that he has no idea to how to deal with, he didnt get any education, he doesnt have people who will give him a different choice or people who wil give him some kind of affection, he is literally with Afo all alone, isolated, dont know what to do, doesnt know what is right and Afo says him “you have two choices”

1- suffer lonely forever like this while others are having fun but just you know, you will be disappointed for me-the person who saved you, if you stay like this

2- destroy anything you dont like and make me proud

This didnt happen right when he was 7-8,

Shigaraki is with Afo since he was 5, he listened those words for years and he hold himself back. Then the decision Shigaraki make was first one, he hold himself, until the moment holding himself is not an option. This is why he became a murder. Let me remind you, he was 7-8 so he still wasnt responsible for killing at that age.

so you can say, now Shigaraki became an adult so he can choose but we all know that people dont grow, if they dont have a chance to grow.

People kill to survive, this is not to justify murder, this is understanding of that sometimes some people can not really make choice in some situtions.

If a person is not given growth conditions, children cannot grow.

Shigaraki may have grown biologically, but mentally, he was not given the opportunity to grow. What makes us humans human is our interaction with other people.

If we do not interact with anyone, we lose our identity or in the case of Shigaraki, our personality does not occur. If Shigaraki has not grown, how can he be considered an adult?

We know that many terrible events such as trauma and violence can cause long-term damage to people's brains regarding mental health. So, how can Shigaraki's trauma be responsible for what she does, given his mental health?

We know that it is impossible not to lose mental balance in conditions of Shigaraki, it is impossible to grow, it is impossible to protect his mind against manipulation at the age of a child. So how exactly could Shigaraki cope in these conditions?

This is the problem. He cant not be able to handle it. Impossible.

You might say you could choose not to kill, but while the only adult who was with him showed him that it was true, and how he could otherwise deal with these feelings he had accumulated in him, what else could Shigaraki do?

Shigaraki kills without hesitation because killing is all he knows, the only thing he has been taught.

That's why Shigaraki's interaction with his team is important because it was the first time in his life that he met different opinions and people.

So he started to heal throughout the series. He chose to improve, to be a better person. So this character can get redemption.

And he feels guilty about what he does, but he does not show it by crying, he shows treating his own life as nothing and harming himself. Shigaraki may have begun to develop herself, but it does not mean that his trauma will cure magicly and he will suddenly getting away from Afo manipulation, he cant because he still hasn't given her another choice. No one was able to show him another way to survive both without suffering and having to kill. That's why it's important for a hero to reach out him.

Yes, Shigaraki killed a lot of people and they didnt deserve it, of course but whether he killed one person or killed million people, he had no choice. Everyone wants this character to pay the price because they want to blame someone for those much death, whereas like Afo and Ujiko who made Shigaraki suffer, those who choose not to reach Shigaraki when they can reach like Gran Torino etc, are more responsible than Shigaraki for what they did because they choose. But Shigaraki is just putting into practice what he has been taught, thats all he knows.So people really want to blame someone, they should blame people who could do something about it but choosing not to, they could blame the people who hurt this kid for their selfish reasons, they shouldnt blame the kid who is just reacting his pain cause he doesnt have a choice, he is not making a decision and people REACT.

Shigaraki can not understand his actions of how he effect other people / effect of his actions cause he is hardly be able to see them as an indiviluas, thats what happens, when you live your life as isolated. Shigaraki cant care other people s life while his own life was treated as worthless, they literally ignored his pain, even when he was a child. Shigaraki cant emphatize with people in society who have good lifes cause he never felt a safety his all life, there is no way he can understand their comfort. So basically, in those conditions, its not that Shigaraki doesnt want to emphatize with them, he CANT.

(This is why he asked Deku cause he is trying to understand at least to be able to improve himself for better which is the most important thing).

This is why people like Afo, Ujiko, Hero commity, Endeavour, they are worse than people like Shigaraki, Dabi, Hawks, Toga etc cause those people who created these “monsters” with their full will for the sake of their selfish desires. They are more responsible for monster’s actions than monsters casue they are the one who groomed them, rebuild their mindset.

That was also the subject of the Frankeinstein story. The monster may have killed a lot of people, but who created the monster? How does the monster become guilty when there are people who can teach him the truth, but don't choose to teach it, while the monster doesn't know what it's doing is right and wrong? However, he was not taught better. So how can he choice better, if  he hasnt taught better? HE CANT.

As many as people want, may think Shigaraki is making a choice right now and that he's a bad guy, but in those circumstances, it was impossible for Shigaraki to choose a better option.

What do you expect to happen when you close someone in a room for years, stop him from talking to people and subject him to constant violence?

Do you think that person will not react to this violence?

Do you expect that person to behave like human while that person lives away from all kinds of human conditions?

Under these conditions, it is nonsense to expect better than Shigaraki.

In other words,

murder is apparently worse than violence, but an adult like Endeavor, who chooses exactly what he is doing without caring about the harm to other people, is fully responsible for what he does. Shigaraki, on the other hand, cannot really be held responsible for what she did, as it is impossible to act otherwise under these conditions.

So i understand that people are upset with death of people which is normal, those people who were killed by Shigaraki didnt deserve it at all but people need to understand that Shigaraki didnt have better choice, path than this. People say “this doesnt justify” cause they are scared of that the person will get away from what he did but point here is he doesnt get away from anything, he is victim whose all choices and humanity taking away from him so treating this victim as villain who just should defeated is NOT justice. If people want to blame someone, they should blame the people who are TRULY responsible for this, not the victim whose humanity stolen from him. Thats the point here.

By the way, not everyone has to be like Shigaraki. Shigaraki is already a character designed to be the ultimate victim. The reason it parallels with Deku is not because they are both heirs, but because they are both essentially the same kind child. But not everyone could be this kind, they could react worse and they might not have adapted to change that much. Shigaraki is just a tragic example of even you are the kindest person in the world, in terrible conditions, you would be just like Shigaraki or probably worse. He is a tragedy character, symbolize the victimhood that shows untentionally with most unpleasant ways. (Toga, Dabi, Shigaraki etc they all symbolize effects of violence though, they are not choosing a decision but actually just reacting the violence they endured, thats all, maybe i can make analysis about it later.)

Redemption is not about deserving or not. It's about wanting to be a better person but facing your creations or not. And if a villain receives redemption, it already shows that he has this potential from the very beginning, potential to be a good person, actually he was not as bad as that was thought, that is. Well at least, well-written redemptions work like this. In other words, villains such as Joker or Ujiko that will not receive redemption have nothing to admire. Choosing to be a villain until the end of your life is not something to be proud of, it is something to be ashamed of, because this is proof that you don't want to improve yourself.

I was just gonna say “i agreed” and make it short but i guess, i am kinda bored and this post became my rant, lol. Thank you anon btw.

For me personally, I can't get over the fact that Italia committed the cardinal sin of casting a white non muslim actress to play the role of Sana. Sorry for bringing back the same old debate but please hear me out. It's an undeniable fact that, representation does not count without opportunity. She was played by a wonderfully talented actress, but she gets to take that hijab off at the end of the day and go back to living a life where she or her family have never had to face the ostracism of living as muslims in the western world. The other Sana actresses intrinsically understand this nuance of their lives because they have lived it, which is why they are able to contribute to the writing and give story suggestions for their seasons regardless of the real tptb.

I'm not saying talent and authenticity can't exist without trauma and suffering. But the casting of Sana is a political act in itself. It is meant to break barriers for the unheard and the neglected voices within the industry, thereby bringing their struggles and their shame to the forefront, and also to give them a place at the table. As an equal. It's an attempt at leveling the playing field.

What Julie Andem did in casting an actual hijabi non-actress to play Sana in a country like Norway was imo, revolutionary. It gave Iman a platform. Even if Skam had not become an international phenomenon, Iman still received her due recognition within Norway, and now she's out and about doing her own revolutionary stuff. The other remakes understood this aspect and rightfully cast a muslim actress, while Italia simply stole that opportunity from muslim talent in the country. Right now, we could be celebrating a never known Italian muslim actress just the way we celebrate the rest of the Sanas who achieved international acclaim for their performances alongside the Evas and the Noras and the Isaks of the world. But we'll never ever have that now. It's honestly unforgivable. Think of the stolen opportunity from a young muslim teenager who might have been a fan of the og and wanted to play Sana, and what message she received with this casting.

Ironically, Italia is also one of my favourite remakes, I actually love the focus on relationships and the beautiful cinematography, an overall chilled out pacing, and the touch of originality within each season. Giovanni is an absolute legend, and besse is a brilliant director. But they did their Sana dirty. It's irreversible damage. It's important to note that it was only after the massive backlash that they found actual brown/muslim actors to play Sana's friends and family in S4 and the story was with consultation of a Muslim journo/writer. She wasn't a writer on the show, she was a consultant. Which is great, but not the same thing. Who is to say that without the backlash they'd have taken all of these steps? Besse spent time with muslims and studied the culture and tried to create an authentic story for his Sana, but his casting of Sana is his Achilles heel. It also had like zero black actors except for the temporary boyf of Filippo in s3. Someone who knows nothing about the contemporary Italians may think there are no black people in Italy.

Italia S4 is only marginally better in that it didn't completely annihilate their Sana the way skamfr and skames did. Let's not start with Druck because that's a whole bunch of missed opportunities and laziness. Wtfock... Well let's see if they can surprise me. Keeping my expectations six feet under the ground.

Its long after the cut

Ohhh trust me I get it. I feel a lot like this right now concerning casting a MOC as a main. Like most fans of color set the bar super fucking low already concerning mains that aren’t white. People will literally make all types of allowances just to simply get one main who isn’t white in a remake. Speaking for me personally, I will over look using stereotypical tropes, I will overlook them being model/influencers, I will look the obvious lack of effort from the writers to attack meaningful storylines that actually highlight the experiences of people of color simply to get some representation. This is why I am still angry about the Moyo thing because literally all wtfock had to do was main him and they would have got a pat on the back for doing the bare ass minimum and they wouldn't even do that because they didn’t think maining a black boy would be profitable so in many ways am happy that shit blew up in their face. You deserved it for being stupid but the person that pays that price ultimately is Noa and that hurts. Concerning Italia I think thats the thing that stings the most that if Ludo would have just made minimal effort like the bare minimum and just found an actress who was muslim people would have applauded him for getting a half decent script out that finally gave a muslim actress meaningful plot that felt honest to her experiences. So its like damn can any of Sana’s just get a fucking win bruh. Like people are literally willing to take the bare minimum here. Like if wtfock does even a half decent job people will praise them and in many ways they didnt deserve the praise because all they did was do the bare minimum for Nora. I mean if its written well of course I will acknowledge a well written script but it does feel sorta of like is this even a win when we are on our 6 Sana remake. It takes fuck up after fuck up to get a half decent season that doesnt undercut the muslim girls narrative for once. Like people aint even asking for much either. Also I agree about the actress being muslim because Nora herself has said that a muslim protagonist who isn’t shown in some harsh oppressive light hasn't really been seen in belgium. I also appreciate that she has experience some of the issues Yasmina will depict. Nora’s conflict between wearing a hijab and not wearing one. Nora’s conflict between really trying to identify if Islam really was for her and ultimately researching and studying and accepting Islam into her heart because it felt like it was the right path for her and I agree that they took those experiences away from a muslim italian actress and her opportunity to depict them. I still want to recognize its definitely one of the most solid script of out of the remakes but I am also well aware that I have made a shit ton of personal allowances when coming to that conclusion because I am comparing it to a bunch of mediocre efforts. 

7:45 p.m. Sunday June 20th

Okay well... writing about the entirety of my day is gonna be. Quite the task.

Whatever. I'm dedicated to making this blog A Thing.

Today was Father's Day, so the first thing I did was get up and go downstairs. Gave my dad his presents. He made us pancakes. (I definitely ate too much today... but tommorow is monday so itll be easier to restrict)

We are, watched youtube, then we drove to Wabuman Lake. Idk,, the drive was just that: a typical car ride in which I struggle to find "car friendly" songs, aka songs that everyone will like... aka anything but metal and vocaloid... aka Radiohead, Weezer and Soda Stereo XD

When we got there, we rented a yellow paddleboat, which is this clunky plastic boat that you pedal to move, like some weird water bicycle. It was sunny, and honestly? I've always found being on the water to be calming. After that, we got ice cream (I got Blueberry Cheesecake flavour, my sister R got Cookies N Cream, and my dad got Burgundy Cherry)

I noted that there were at least 2 historical buildings there, along with... I forgot what I was gonna say. Nothing important.

Oh yeah, lots of cool old shiny cars.

We drove back. Got home, exhausted. I cleaned a bit. Idk. Didnt do much until after supper. Since we had fast food for lunch, we only ate a piece of bread and fruit smoothies for supper. We went out, I got a monster XD even tho my parents told me not to...

I got home, took a shower. While I was in the shower my dad got pissed at me for eating some of his chocolate but HE WAS SO SO SO MAD I was thinking to myself he cant be this mad over some choclate but you never know with my parents... they kinda hate me but also dont at the same time it's weird and hard to navigate.

Anwyays when I went downstairs he just. Seemed to have forgotten it ever existed and I mean, if he didnt mention it I wasn't gonna either. I did some homework then "went to sleep" aka went to my room, turned off the light, and pretended to sleep but actually talked to people online

People keep inviting me to hang out with them and I just hope my parents say yes to it all...

My friend Bee on Tuesday, Jay on Wednesday, on Saturday a group picnic...

If they say no to any of this I'll cry /hj

My talk with Jay tonight: I want to fuck him again RIGHT NOW. GET IN MY FUCKINF BED. RIGHT NOWWWW ugh. But also I noticed that since I explained one of my tone tags to him... HE USED ONE IN CONVO WITH ME. And idk. That made me so happy? I dont  know. I like how he proves consistently and constantly that he CARES about being considerate and cares about me.

That's a lot of the letter C but yeah.

And he said at some point that he missed

My body... and my shitty nerd gaming stuff and like. Omg he LIKES MY INTERESTS. I DIDNT BORE HIM TALKING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS AND VIDEO GAMES! SCORE. also he said he'd be down to cuddle without fucking which is. Great too... since I'm touchstarved and well... I call him Daddy. Nuff said.

As for Star... sometimes she just says shit that concerns me like it's nothing and I never know how to respond because I cant help her! I'm not a fucking mental health professional.

... when I told her mY shit she wasnt one either... why do I even try n help. Why dont I just tell her to go to therapy?

I'm angry at her a bit actually. She says shit like "haha just purged" and I'm like.... okay??? What do u want me to say to that.

Or like,,, I NEED TONE TAGS, OKAY??? I DO. this is mainly why I'm mad. She keeps making jokes without /j and I dont register them as jokes.... or maybe they aren't jokes at all and she just says they're jokes cos I get upset.

Sometimes instead of actually telling me how she feels, she uses this emoticon and... I dont understand what shes tryna tell me. And it keeps stressing me out. Idk. I told her look I dont understand it and she said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon" and like...

She tells me all the time no ur not overreacting dont let people tell you that you are and here she is. Telling me I'm overreacting. OUCH. THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME CRY IRL. STOP INVALIDATING MY FEELINGS PLEASE.

It actually  hurt me. Like I'm fr crying right now because. Ouch. How hard is it to just put a fucking "/j" after ur words? How hard is it to... use words and explain how u feel instead of giving me a straight faced emoticon. Its frustrating.

Also she keeps saying shit like "omg ur never horny what's wrong w u omg I'm the only one with a sex drive in this relationship how come u never initiate anything I need to fuck someone maybe *sends pic of model* maybe her" which like. A) is ignoring all the times I DID initiate stuff and B) makes me feel inadequate and like. I dont know. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough.

:/ I cant really be mad at her for my own brain being stupid.

Why am I so stupid? How come I never understand when people are joking? How come I have these weird things I do to feel comfortable? Why do I twitch and flap my wrists? Why is my ability to sleep restricted by the amount of weight on top of me (I need lots of weight)?

Why am I the worst person ever? I'm being 100 percent serious. My brain doesnt work! It doesnt. My emotions are too strong. They fuck everything up. I hate myself. Like, when Star said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon", I started crying. But when Jay said "I always want you to feel comfortable around me", I immediately felt such love toward him and I told him I love you... but I had to say it was as friends. Cos we have a "friends with benefits" thing going on... not even an actual relationship.

Well now I'm sad that he doesnt like me romantically but whatever. Hes too perfect and sweet anywayssss he deserves better than me.

Wait. Where does that leave me?

Alone? Again?

Alone?

ALONE????

Maybe I deserve it... but I actually genuinely cant live like that. I cant. I cant live. Without love. My parents fucked me up like that 🤪

But also I realized that I'm a lot happier in good relationships where people show me they love me and care about me and such.

FUCK JAY JUST TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LIKES ME... even if it's just as a friendship thing.... I appreciate it so much. Hes so fucking sweet it hurts. I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH. he told me, our sex can be rough but our relationship has to be built off trust and respect... LITERALLY FUCK ME RIGHT NOW.

Update we are now officially "best friends forever" but we also kiss and fuck and cuddle okay. That's a thing. I LOVE HIM. it's okay though. I don't know I said yeah let's be bffs then I physcially cringed. It's okay though. I'll be fine. It functions as a sexy romance thing anwyays.

I love him so much. Hes the best. Fucking hell. Hes the kindest person ever.

Also can Star please stop fucking with me. She said she'd stop using the emoticon and I said "thanks" and then she used a weird emoji to react to my thanks because she wanted to "acknowledge that she read my message without liking it".... oh so you dont like it??? What??? I said "okay" and she was like "yikes, you upset?" And I said idk cos I am but whatever and she USED ANOTHER SFUPID DUCKINF EMOTICON THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND WITH THE WORD OKAY OMFG. OMFG. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THAT MEANDS. OH MY GODDDD. I'm angry.

Fucking hell. I just wish... whatever.

If Jay liked me ROMANTICALLY as well...  perfect life.

Whatever.

My parents have fucked me up really badly. I know so. Today I saw a comic where a kid started crying while getting yelled at and their mom HUGGED THEM. Omfg. If I cry when my parents yell at me they just yell more. The best thing I can do is stay quiet. Fucking hell. Fuck. I wish I got hugged. When I was upset.

Its 1:03 am. Fuck all this emotional turmoil I'm SLEEPING. Fuck this. FUCK MY PARENTS, FUCK STAR, FUCK MOVING AND FUCK SCHOOL. And FUCK STAR.

i am the most curious about your owl oc 👀 i would love to hear any thoughts you have on her! her personality, moral alignment(s), presence, relationship (in general or specific, or both!) with other ocs, goals, whatever you got i love her already *keeses her* *keeses u* ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

MYNA!!! SHE CUPS UR CHEEKS & KEESES U RIGHT BACK JO AAAAA

some notes on myna:

while i've mainly based her design of off owls, i have speckled in other birds. for example, her name comes from the myna(h) which is part of the starling family (sturnidae) & i've taken inspiration from the shrike, peppering in their hunting style as a way that she fights as well. another thing i've taken from the shrike is the nickname "butcher" :)

myna was a mom! i have Not decided how many children she had but i DO know she has a picture of her family on her in a locket that she keeps tucked close to her. not even sneaky lil toof can get their hands on it. myna was a great mom! a fun mom, really, who loved indulging her kids. she was/is very community oriented and spent a lot of time tending to that, and she very much enjoyed it. so, in losing that, it was a big blow.

myna learned the tricks she uses now before she became a mother, & attempted to teach them to her children in tiny bits before they were killed. she didn't ever think that they would need to use them, but she thought it would be better if they would know how to protect themselves if it came down to it. BUT um. well. you know...

of the three, myna is def a shit-stirrer. while toof is The lil shit and undead oc is stuck being the brunt of everyone's jokes, myna is the one quietly laughing to herself as toof and undead oc are at each other's throats yet again about something she caused. i'd say she's the type of person who tosses a piece of meat between two starving animals & watches as they tear eachother apart to get at it, if that makes sense.

cont off of this, myna is kind of the one pressing them forward. toof is the go-getter, if there is a reward; undead oc will follow myna bc he believes he's doing something right, he's helping someone, repenting almost, yeah. myna's like the captain of their lil group, in a way, and she's puppeteering it from a perch above them. as toof charges in and undead oc sets up barriers, myna's spearheading the movement, she's the one, essentially, looking at the whole playing field, she's looking at everyone else's weaknesses & strengths & her own team's weaknesses & strengths & she's setting up every little piece so that she & her team end up on top; so that the others play right into where she can swoop in and snap their necks w her talons.

myna likes to see the big picture, she LOVES having all of the information. it's just... how it is with her, and working in a group where one would very much rather EAT the person they're trying to get info from bc it's taking too long and another who would very much rather not waste their time or exert energy SPEAKING to someone who's in rags, it's kind of DIFFICULT. (this doesnt go to say that toof isnt good w speaking to ppl - they r VERY good at it; they're just. impatient)

rn im playing w having her be something akin to rogue/bard for like. an actual specialization, if anything, bc i think that fits best for her. she's less inclined to be an Actual singer, but a storyteller of sorts. im still playing w this.

myna's goals rn are to get revenge on the ppl who decimated her village & killed her family, and in doing so, she manages to recruit toof & undead oc to help her with her goal. however, these two have No Clue that this is their end goal atm. other goals include: figuring out what to cook for a party that consists of a cannibalistic monster companion & a skeleton possessed by a demon that appeases Everyone.

OH relationships!!! myna had a very good, strong relationship with her husband. they were like. super gross and domestic and sweet. he was the epitome of big dumb bi himbo husband who loves his strong bi wife who could kick his ass & def did at one point. he was prob like, a farmboy with a huge bright smile who hauled sheep around, one in each arms, like, the whole shebang, the LOVE OF HER LIFE!!!!! myna LOVES this man, LOVES HIMMM !!!!! & when he died, it was. it was Horrible. myna had to bury him & her children & her entire village, what was left of it, all alone and injured and enraged.

i think i want to give myna sisters. check back in later :)

NOW TO THE GOOD PART!!!!

toof & horny boy!!!!

oh gosh where to start w these two??? i think they all meet w/in v quick succession of each other bc the idea of toof & myna meeting each other & travelling alone for a while together w/out horny boy as a buffer is.... one of them would end up dead. (i am imagining myna & toof just staring each other down on other sides of the fire, myna eating a pomegranate and toof licking their teeth under their veil, both just waiting for the other to lunge) so um yeah, they all meet like. kind of w/in the same day. SURPRISINGLY, myna and toof meet first. but they don't end up travelling together. toof is actually marinating ppl at the time in order to eat them. i havent decided if these ppl r ppl involved w the ppl who killed myna's family, but... probably. so, right off the bat, myna and toof? not friendly.

at this point, horny boy is dead ass asleep, living in his own mental torment w himself (his pride demon) where he was 'buried.' funnily enough, even after all of the false prophet & burning him at the stake shit, ppl STILL spread rumors that he was some sort of old god that will save/end the world & myna & toof get wrapped into the group that toof is marinating & she's trying to kill trying to open horny boy's tomb to release him. unfortunately for toof & fortunately for myna, horny boy ends up killing the group for waking him up & a lovely lil tussle where toof INSISTS horny boy pay them back for the MONTHS of work & myna's logical talk down w a crossbow & a knife to toof's head & neck later, they're all working together!!!!

myna allows horny boy to think that this journey is some way for him to repent or whatever. see, the thing is, she tells them what she plans to do - go kill these ppl - but she never tells them Why & she, technically, lies by omission tons & tons about the whole journey by allowing them (mostly horny boy) to come to conclusions themselves. she just doesnt correct them. believe what you will, she shrugs, as long as you'll help me, as long as you won't stop me.

myna and horny boy are on pretty good terms at first. like good associates. they get stuff done. there are some times where horny boy is a little like ...um myna? & she's like what? & he's like u literally just hung a man from a crossbow bolt. & she's like and? u just sliced a man in half w a shard of ice, i dont think we have time to be getting questionable about how we kill these ppl. they're bad ppl.

they're pretty friendly & i think horny boy does kind of get infatuated w her before she does with him. she has sort of a one track mind, and that's to find the people who killed her family, you know. they do have their fun friendly like flirty moments u know, where it SEEMS like myna may acknowledge that horny boy likes her, but then it drops off & they're all like... ? although, if i had to use a word for these two it would be... tender. i will not elaborate. thatse it.

then there's toof. toof who is much more fiery & fierce and OUT THERE. myna and toof have a sharp relationship right away. first myna thinks they're with the ppl she wants to kill, then they join her lil group just to be able to get paid back for missing out on all of that FOOD they were working so hard for (even if going & finding a whole new group would have done them a lot better), then they're constantly picking at horny boy & trying to needle myna, like they're just CONSTANTLY antagonistic and she's like this Pain in the aSS. but then toof is a WONDERFUL goddamn ally. they're GREAT at getting info, they're a perfect heavy hitter, they're so good at diversions like myna is DROOLING at how they add to their tactics, her eyes have dilated to the size of dinner plates & they are so PLIANT when she uses the right sort of incentive.

basically, myna gets VERY attached to toof as a companion bc of what they offer to the group and toof accidentally gets attached to the One fleshy thing that they Absolutely CanNot Eat. like they just. accidentally become closer and closer and myna, who kind of craves companionship, especially after losing her community & her family & EVERYTHING, is finding it in these two unexpectedly. like. i. hm.

it's still all very much in production but. at this point. i think.... this is all i can think of !! <333 thank u for allowing me to ramble about her *keeses u* ily so muchhh

//Eremika Fanfic : Remember Me!?//

Chapter- 1 click here

Chapter: 2

Pouring some water over the flower pot.....Mikasa finishes off her gardening in the small court yard behind her house....

As she was about to enter....inside the house....she notices someone standing far away....probably waiting for her...

Glancing over the person, Mikasa’s eyes brighten with surprise...

Mikasa looking at the person- Armin! What a pleasent surprise!

Armin foolishly grins- Ahhh....Hi! Errmm...Mikasa!

Mikasa smiles slightly- So what brings you....here? In such an early morning? I suppose you should be with your scouts at the moment ...Captain Armin Arlert!

Armins nervously Chuckles – Well ya....I do have a meeting with commander Hanjee today! So....well....but I came here to talk something important with you!

Mikasa stares at Armin blankly as she says- Go On!

Armin nervously- Wont you ask me to come inside? I guess....too much heat today...Outside!

Mikasa with a blank nod- Oh yes....Sorry for keeping you standing outside! Come in...

Saying this Mikasa goes in while Armin follows her as he whispers silently- Its Okay!

***********

That silhouette.....some one is right behind him!

Eli eyes widen as he stares at that silhouette....who is that? Who must be standing behind him?

Oh my god is he in danger? His mom has always told him to be careful about child kidnappers which roam in corner of every silent place....

Oh god the place is so silent....Eli thinks suddenly...he has started to feel nervous already!

Should he look back or should he....Run!

The silhouette was still there....

Gaining lots of courage...Eli swiftly looks behind his back...

To his shock he absolutely finds no one there...

Eli looks back to the wall where the silhouette was present....to his surprise, there wasnt any presence of silhouette either...

Eli was confused....Was he dreaming or something?

He tries to glance behind to notice if someone is still there or not!

Wind starts blowing around the area as Eli hears the wheezing sound of it....making him kind of shake in fear as he realised he is sitting all alone in this whole destructed area with no sight of any single person.

**********

Mikasa glances back at Armin from kitchen who was sitting around the small round table with a nervous look.

"Whats wrong with him? Why does he look tense? "

Thinks Mikasa....

With two cups of tea in a tray...Mikasa sits opposite Armin face to face.

Armin looks up at her and smiles...

Mikasa sipping the tea as she says boringly- So Armin? Whats the matter? You wanted to say somthing...What is it?

Armin hesitantly stares at Mikasa- Yeah....err....Its...Its about Eli!

Mikasa's eyes widen as she stops drinking the tea and stares at Armin while he continues- Your Son!

Before he could say a word more , Mikasa interrupted as she looked desperate- What about Eli? Is he alright? Did he do anything in school again?

Armin trying to calm Mikasa- Hey calm down! There isnt anything like that but....

Mikasa calming down a bit- But What?

Armin taking deep breath- Mikasa listen! Whatever I am gonna tell you...dont take it other wise! You know very well....Right from his birth I have always looked at him as my own Son!

Mikasa keeps on staring at Armin with no expression as he continues- I have never seen him different even when Alina was born...the thing is actually....I think you need to deal with him carefully Mikasa!

Mikasa frowns as she at Armin- What do you mean by that?

Armin taking deep breath- Today I saw him walking in tense mood....more like he was upset on something! As my meeting was in the afternoon...I decided to follow him to check on him if he was actually fine! He seemed okay after sometime from his expression though I decided to bid him a Hi! He was quite happy seeing me until I mentioned about you telling me to check on him whenever I can last week! He was furious....he almost reminded me of Eren! Well I dont blame his rudeness after all its all about genes...

Armin chuckles a bit then suddenly turning serious he looks at Mikasa- I think you are being too harsh on Him Mikasa!

Mikasa kept looking at Armin blankly when she said coldly- What do you mean by being harsh? Are you gonna tell me he is being rude due to me? Or his feisty behaviour is due to me? I know what I am doing & What is good for him! I am his mother!

Armin sternly- that's not the point Mikasa! You know it! More Over didnt you two had an argument before he left for school? Dont lie to me!

Mikasa coldly- it wasnt an argument! I was simply trying to put some sense in his head! I cant let him be like Eren! I cant let that anger thing control him! He needs to understand the world is cruel but beautiful too which his father never understood! (Whispers Mikasa)

Armin sighing- You know what is the main problem! You are taking his freedom away! Making him sit in the home all day wont solve anything....people wont stop saying crap about him! You both need to live freely! You need to let him open to people! By trying to make him home sick....you cant anyway control his anger! You are simply worsening it!

Mikasa glares- Let him open to people? Yeah right! So that he could kick their butts everytime they open their filthy mouth! Armin....just incase let me remind you! The people around here dont really like our presence! And I dont want my baby to suffer their hatred! Anyways he is indeed going to school....he is learning things there! What he isnt understanding is....loosing his cool wont help him! Its better to ignore people rather than pushing ourselves into hell! Let people say whatever they want....We are happy in our own small world!

Armin raising his voice- Really Mikasa? That what you think? Hiding yourself into this small house....letting Eli be bored all alone in this home! Doing such! What difference are you making? As You Said People Will Speak Shit! Why do you care? What are you afraid off? Its better to live a life the way you want rather than crawling into darkness!

Mikasa sharply- I DONT CARE! I KNOW WHERE ARE YOU HEADING TO?! YOU WANT ME TO JOIN SCOUTS BACK! DONT YOU? 100TH TIMES I HAVE TOLD YOU....IT AINT HAPPENING! TILL HE COMES BACK....I Need Answers! Answer for running away from me once again!

Armin freaks out- Stop it Mikasa! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT HAS BEEN 6 DAMN YEARS! EREN IS DEAD! And Humanity Needs Back Their Strongest Soilder!

Mikasa glares as she raises her voice coldly- No he isnt....my heart doesnt believe it! I am sure he is alive...somewhere...

Tears welled up in her eyes- He is just running from us again & again! And I dont understand Why! He promised me for the final time....He will come back to me! If he was here....Eli & me wouldnt have been this much miserable!

Armin shocked- Can you stop it Mikasa? I know you miss him....We miss him too....But he is gone! Accept the reality! Move forward Mikasa! You are only ruining Eli ‘s life! Lastly....You do know how the people acknowledges Eren Now! He is known as Humanity's Biggest Threat in History! Doesnt matter what result has brought from that rumbling! Killing thousands of lives! A murderer is always a murderer!

Mikasa stares at Armin coldly but says nothing as he continues- Eli is still a kid....he doesnt know about his father even! While the people suspects him of Eren's kid! Though they only suspect but have no confirmation! I suggest you....

Mikasa retorts back- I dont need your suggestion Armin! And What proof do you have that Eren is dead? Did you see his body? Or his titanic form again? What makes you so sure of it! Well I dont take any of it....He was your best freind....And you only speak of him being dead! WHY!

Mikasa suddenly holds Armins collar freaking the hell out of him as she shouts- Why? Did you kill him by your own hands? To save humnaity....you were the one who suggested his death!

Armin shocked trying to get rid of her clutch around his collar- Hell No! Whats wrong with you?

Mikasa leaves him with a jerk- I dont care what anyone says....I believe he is alive! Only if he returns to us one day....

Armin sharply as he says hesitantly- Will you be able to forgive him even if he returns from his grave?

************

Eli is walking hurriedly all alone towards his home....he has gone bit far today....

Moreover he just bunked his school today, he honestly prays.....none of the teachers notices him all of sudden from no where....

The Sun was just on top of him shining brightly....it was quite hot due to the sun rays...

Eli keeps on looking behind at times for some wierd reason....

From a time being, he felt he was being followed by someone! But he couldn't notice anyone keeping an eye on him...

Eli was taking his steps faster....a creepy feeling was eating him out. He was feeling nervous...

Someone is definitely following him....or was it just his intution!

Eli was walking hurriedly without looking infront when suddenly he bumped into someone and fell on the ground....

Eli while rubbing his nose looks upwards and finds two men with hat staring at him angrily.

One man says- Heyyy you little brat! Whats up with you? Are you blind or something!

Suddenly the other man eyes shone brightly as he grinned wickedly- Oh look who is here! The child of the devil.....! ELI....ACKREMAN! THE LITTLE BASTARD....SON OF THAT FREAK!

While other man whispers – Wait....Ackerman? I dont think or remember that monster name as of some Ackraman....it was Yeager!

Eli was scowling at them while still being sitting on ground but not understanding a single thing about what they were talking about but it was definitely something about his name!

Eli angrily- Hey! Whom are you talking to?

The two guys glared at him as one of them pulled him up holding his collar freaking the hell out of him- Hey You Shut Your Filthy Mouth Up! Who even gave you permission to wander in these streets! If the rumours are true of you being the son of that BASTARD! You & your filthy mom should be extint!

Saying this he threw Eli away letting him fall again....

After that both of the men left while laughing loudly making Eli angry more....at that moment he felt like punching the faces of those two old creeps.

He was about to stand and run after them when suddenly a young lad came infront of him....his hair was quite long and the long bangs he had were covering his one eye....he had a stretcher in his one hand which was supporting him to stand still....

Eli notices closely and realises....the guy has a bandage too around his head....

As Eli was lost in noticing, the stranger brings a water bottle infront of him....making him snap out of his senses...

The stranger with deep voice as he stares deeply into Eli eyes while bending a bit- Hey You! You left it there in the bench! I had been following you with my broken leg till here....Kid You Run So Fast! What's the hurry? Here Put it back in your Bag!

Eli blinks his eyes nervously as suddenly it clicked him....Was it this guy following him all the way till here! But back then....there was no one in that barren land!

Eli with shaking hands takes the bottle away from the stranger's hand...

The guy then stands straight from his bending position as he glances back at Eli....

The Sunrays fell on his body as his face shone bright....while Eli eyes widen as he still kept on staring at him while still being on the ground!

While Eli was all numb, the guy asks coldly- Do you think you can stand....Kid?

Eli was scared....he didn't know Why! But he was....all he could do was nod his head swiftly in positive way..

The stranger with blank look replies- Great Then!

Saying so he started limping away slowly while Eli kept on staring at him....

There was something about this person which was bothering little Eli so much....

While at a distance the man halts and glances back at Eli as THEIR GREEN EYES STARED BACK AT EACH OTHER!

Chapter - 3

P.S So How Was The Chapter? Do Like , Share & Comment!😎

All the OC asks that end in '2' for an oc of your choice please?

Okay so I’m doing all these for both Emilia and Camila so, here we go. Under cut because boy howdy its long

2.) What is the color (and qualities) of your OC’s eyes/hair/skin?

For Emi: Her eyes are brown. Neither very dark or very light, they’re just a midtone brown. When she was young, her hair was a very dark auburn, although now its lightening as she greys out. It has a thick texture and is naturally wavy/curly and she prefers it long and pulled back into a half ponytail. Emilia wasn’t thrilled when she was shaved bald in OWB, but she wears a fade now and her greying is more obvious. Her skin is brown, lightly freckled, and she has a few moles. Although I don’t draw her with them (Due to my indecisiveness on what and where they should be) she has tattoos covering a large portion of her body, and her skin is tough and dry from her travels.

For Camila: Her eyes are still a dark brown, although ghoulification is causing them to have a cataract/hazed look to them. She use to have very thick black hair that she would wear in short styles and while it had natural waves, it wasn’t as much as her sister’s. When her hair started falling out she had Emi chop it and would brush it over much so the rest would fall out. Camila preferred no hair to the patchiness, but she continues to wear her hair bands to fashion herself up. While travelling, she will wear headscarves to keep the sun off her. Her skin was never particularly tough and because of such she would often bruise or get cut easily. This quality carried over to her ghoulish self, although her skin is much more fragile now.

12.) What is your OC’s relationship with his/her father?

While Emilia has plenty of strong opinions on being raised fine without a father, not having needed a father, or anything relating to a need for ‘two parents’, she actually has no real feelings for her father as a person. He wasn’t around for her and he left her mother. These are the only things she knows or cares to know about him and she doesn’t blame him for either. She grew up fine with what she had, her mother, although heartbroken at the time, never truly suffered because he left. Life just happened, as it always does, and even if selfish people have their reasons for doing things. However, because she never knew him or cared to know of him, she only keeps her mother’s surname. Although her mother had planned on having a conversation about Emilia’s father once she got older, she had died when Emi was 9 and never had the chance. Xiomara, Emi’s abuela, refused to acknowledge the man and that was fine by Emilia.

Camila had known her father and for a while he was able to stay with her. There’s a lot vague here as I haven’t committed to specifics, however I know he’s forced out of the picture in some fashion. He was a good father to Camila and while he tried extending the kinship to Emilia, she wasn’t interested and he wasn’t going to force it. I would like to say that Camila was anywhere between 5-12 years old when her father left the picture, however much of this is uncertain. Cam has many fond and happy memories of him, however the uncertainty with him leaves me with ways to juggle how her adults self feels about him. She does miss him, and in certain endings she wonders if he’s still alive, but in all she keeps his name, and her full name (as of now) is Camila Espinosa Vazquez.

22.) Who is/are your OC’s closest friend(s)?

Raul is probably as close as a person can get to Emilia. They share everything with each other and both appreciate having the other. Although she really does appreciate that he’s willing to take care of Camila once she dies, part of Emilia wishes he could come adventuring with her. Much of her healing comes from being able to open up to someone else, and they both find this in a mutual aspect. The trio can often be seen together when Emilia is home, and in later life are inseparable. 

Cass is another relationship Emi appreciates. Both sort of offer and fulfill roles the other wasn’t aware they wanted. For Cass, she gets an assholish, morally bankrupt questionable not quite parent figure, and for Emilia she gets a never-admits-to-it not-daughter figure that enjoys causing mischief but nags her about staying on the good side of karma. 

Arcade and Emilia have a very strange relationship. I should actually get around to fleshing it out more, but between him and Camila they give Em a reason to stay and fight for Vegas. Its another odd relationship that Emi wasn’t expecting to find in the Mojave, but she’s grateful for him nonetheless.

Joshua Graham is also a very strange case for Emi. She doesn’t trust him in the least and she absolutely is determined to be the one to kill him, yet there’s a specific fondness for him. He’s one of the few she’s met that she sees as an equal in certain, dark ways which both intrigues her and makes her cautious. Both are religious and both highly value the community that comes with that, and while she never wants to consider him as close, by the end of their story she considers him a good friend. They end up teaching each other a lot, and regardless of how things end they do appreciate each other.

For Camila, most of the companions made easy friends with her. This was very welcomed after years of not being allowed anything permanent. Arcade sees her as bit of a ditz but teaches her what he can about ghoulification care, medical, and technical sciences. His grumpiness reminds her a bit of Emi, but she knows she can play him better than her sister and she often gets her way. He introduced her to Julia Farkas, and between the two Cam learns plenty. 

Her and Veronica got along like peas in a pod and absolutely had girl’s nights and fawned over fashion. Although Emilia prioritizes Camila when she brings back clothes or accessories, Cam is more than willing to share and the two often doll up together. Those two made fast friends with Sarah from the Vault hotel and the three are absolute gossips. This comprises much of Cam’s social life, outside of the friends she has at The Aces. 

Although they were easy friends at first, Raul became a big part of Camila’s life later game. At first, neither Cam, Raul, or Emi were aware of how he’d fit into their lives, but once Camila realized he was going to be Emi’s ‘replacement’ things got a bit rough. She wasn’t mad at him but she wasn’t thrilled about his willing participation, especially since Emilia and he agreed to things before even consulting Cam. Plenty of talking was done, and eventually understandings were reached, and the three were ride or die since. While they never considered each other as replacement siblings, they readily see each other as family. 

32.) What subjects did your OC excel at?

Emilia is very athletic. Her agility is a solid 10, and she uses it to her advantage. She can lockpick just about anything and break out of (or into) most facilities. She has a quick mind, and can improvise on the spot. Basically, if you need something stolen, killed, or broken into she’s your gal. She also plays guitar very well and has a good knowledge of music theory. This often leads her to getting excited when hearing live sets, and once she riled she can’t stay still. Emi can also cook fairly well too. She generally doesnt get too experimental with it, but she can work up a must-go easily. 

Camila on the other hand didn’t have very many skills growing up. She was very sickly as a child, which kept her bed ridden most of the time. Emi did teach her guitar, although she isn’t as good with music theory. She can sing very well, and Emilia and her father helped shape that. Later in life Arcade teaches her how to work computers and she gets quite good at it. She has the patience for just about anything, which really helps later on when she gets jobs in Vegas.

42.) What makes your OC happy?

Emi is very easy to please. She just wants an exciting mark and a whole lot of havoc to make in the process. In reality she’s just happy to have her freedom with little obligation outside Camila. As long as she doesn’t have a routine to wake up to, she’s alright.

Camila on the other hand has a lot to desire, although she’s content where she’s at. She’s provided for, but even then she wishes she had someone to talk to while Emilia was away. That said, when Emi came home she would sometimes bring an accessory or some fashionable item for Camila. This would always make her smile, and she treasured each. Come end game, shes actually quite happy having a few jobs and a social life. People knowing her by face and name is enough to make her light up, and she’s very pleased with being able to assert her own future.

52.) What are some of your OC’s motivations?

Emi’s very motivated by money, but she’s also motivated by chaos. As a hitman, she likes causing trouble and in dramatic ways. If there’s someone or something she can screw over in a fabulous way, she will do it. But what motivates her most is family. Camila and Rosa kept her sane and kept her loved, she’d quite literally do anything for them, and she is always one to keep promises. 

Cam needs very little to get her motivated. She’s use to being holed up or too ill to enjoy the day, so if she wakes up in a good mood and right mind she’s ready to tackle anything. Chores? Turn on the radio and open the windows, house work is still something. A walk around town? She may not be able to get to know people, but she still enjoys the small interactions, besides she has the energy for a walk right now. Emilia is likely coming back tonight? Whats a few more hours of staying up. 

62.) How emotionally/mentally vulnerable is your OC with other people?

Emilia’s vulnerability is nonexistent. She absolutely refuses to open up, to even her sister in some cases, and it can cause a frustrating guessing game on how to make Emi feel better. She does let down her walls, just a bit, later on in her life. Raul and Camila see the most of this, but Graham has the privilege of seeing her be vulnerable for a moment. Its not something she likes doing, but its not always within her control. 

Camila on the other hand longs to have someone to talk to about feelings. Most of her life she remained cooped up in hotels, unable to make real friends due to her constant moving. Despite Emi trying (I use the word loosely) to be emotionally available for her sister, Rosa was really the only person Cam had to be truly open to, and once she was lost Cam really had nothing. Give her a night out on the Strip and a hard enough day and she might blather your ear off about feelings, even if you’re complete strangers. 

72.) What is your OC’s favorite kind music (and song if there is one)?

Emilia loves just about anything upbeat. Give it percussion or brass and she’s unable to sit still. A proper rock movement would have done her in and she would have loved every moment of it. She also like swing and folk. Give her a guitar and she will join in the round, as she is especially fond of meeting other musicians on the road. 

Camila also likes upbeat music, although she prefers more jazzy genres. Both generally agree on music, but Cam prefers more pop and things she can sing to. 

選擇 ° chpt 2.

genre 》 skz mafia!au

word count 》 1857

warning 》 angst, violence, gore, etc.

__________________________________________________________

YUBIN

i knocked a few times on changbin's door. i roll my eyes as i hear loud rap music being blasted on the other side of the door. i slide the door open anyways. i see changbin punching furiously at the punching bag.

i walk over to the speaker to stop the blaring music, only to have my brother spin around to glare at me. seeing me, he hesitates before taking off his boxing gloves and hanging them up on the rack. i toss a towel at him, grossed out at the sweat dripping down his body. as he caught the towel in midair and cocked an eyebrow at me.

" we havent had sibling heart to heart talk in a long while changbin."

he motioned for me to sit down on his bed. which i graciously took up his offer on. i hugged his plushie, gyu, the only clean thing around the room. i watch as he pulls out a fresh shirt from his closet. he drags a chair from his desk to sit infront of me. then i decide to start the ball rolling.

" so whats your deal with minjung? hm? "  

i see him facepalm himself and groan into his palm. because changbin was older than me by two years, he always had trouble opening up to me. he felt as if he was not doing a good job as an older brother. thats why i started this heart to heart talk between the two of us. i waited as he lifted his head to look at me, thinking about how to put it in words.

" that woman simply ticks me off. shes single-handedly the most stubborn person i have met- "

" says you. "

i pressed my lips in a thin line as changbin gave me an unamused expression.

" i dont know we just dont work well together. i work well with anyone and everyone except her. she hates my guts, i hate her guts. we are even. then chan has to force us to work together. to be honest, i thought making the situation worse would make chan rethink about this shitty paring. guess i was wrong. "

" well from my point of view, i think the both of you should try to tolerate each other. i mean you have always been good at tolerating people. why not just tolerate each other. you guys cant jump at the first chance to kill each other. who knows maybe you guys will end up liking each other. "

he grabs a nearby soft toy and chucks it at me. probably from my last sentence. but i see him slowly consider my words.

" then whats with you and hyunjin trying to send each other to your respective graves huh? "

" thats a different situation! "

" mhmm tell me. how so? "

" ugh youre impossible. "

" lets make a deal then. if you try to get along with hyunjin, i promise to try to get along with minjung. "

i eyed him suspiciously and stuck out my pinky. he locked his pinky with mine. he shot me his goofy smile. i scoff at him as i lay down on his bed. he lies down next to me and we stay in a comfortable silence, staring at the ceiling. until i break the silence.

" do you ever miss mum and dad? "

he pauses before replying.

" all the time. i just wish they didnt leave so soon. maybe then we wouldnt have ended up like this. sure we have been through tougher things but i wonder how different things will be if they were still here. "

" remember that time we stole from the convenience store? we nearly ended up in jail. i still cant believe we survived by ourselves for so many years. "

he chuckles softly as he recalls the memories. ever since our parents died in a fire, changbin and i have always been relying on each other. i vaguely remember changbin sitting on the pavement and bawling his eyes out. his head was buried in his two hands as he sat there trying to comprehend the life-changing situation he had experienced. i remember twelve year old me being lost and clueless, wandering about in the crowd that had formed in front of the building. changbin shot up as soon as he heard my voice and engulfed me in a hug. the both of us had tried so hard to forget about that incident. but one of us would get a nightmare about it every now and then.

it has been five years since chan took us in and decided that we would have family members to look out for us. now we feel like SK is our family.

i watch as changbin stands up from the bed and looks at me in disdain before snatching gyu out of my hands. he strokes gyu before placing it down on the bed. changbin offers his hand to help me stand up. but i know better than to fall for that trick again. i push off the bed on my own. changbin looks offended that i didnt take his hand. i punched his left arm before walking towards the door. he gives me a look of pure pain and disbelief, while holding his left arm.

" did you just-? did you not hold back anything in that punch?"

" come on. dinner is about to be done. i bet you a hundred bucks that grandpa woojin is going to complain about how nobody helped him to prepare dinner. "

i chuckle as i slide the door open. i walked to living room, spotting hyunjin playing pool. changbin nudged me towards him. i scowled at my brother, only to have him flip me off. he shooed me off, mouthing "get along with him".

i walked to the pool table and picked up a cue stick. hyunjin pretended to not see me. i was going to give up being nice. but changbin was watching from the sofa. so i resorted to poking hyunjin in his ribs with the cue stick to get his attention. hyunjin saw it coming and dodged it before i even hit his ribcage. he sneered at me. i scoffed and threw my hands up.

changbin was still watching from the sofa. i took a deep breath before speaking.

" best out of three. loser treats the winner to a round of drinks. "

i sigh in relief as i see hyunjin consider my offer, nod and reset the pool table. i look towards changbin. he was giving me two thumbs up. i grin widely at him as i see him being awkward with minjung, who had just came out of the shower. he was trying so hard to start a conversation without being weird.

i turn my attention to hyunjin.

" ladies first. "

" wow hyunjin is being a gentleman for the first time. "

" hey take it or leave it. "

i say nothing as i rest my cue stick on my fingers.

__________________________________________________________

HYUNJIN

i eye the woman infront of me suspiciously. her behaviour seemed too abnormal today. she was actually being nice to me. just to clarify, that has never happened. ever.

yubin clears her throat and gestures to the pool table.

"um.... so i won and drinks after dinner are on you,"

i shrug and continue staring at her unknowingly, watching her put the cuestick down and run to the kitchen to help woojin with dinner.

i snap out of it when woojin shouted for everyone to eat dinner. i walked over to the dining table with jisung. dinner was the usual. everybody was talking loudly and enjoying dinner.

i noticed that changbin and minjung were talking to each other. i scrunched my nose in confusion. i nudged seungmin.

"whats with changbin and minjung?"

"what?"

"nobody realises that theyre being friendly to each other ????"

"yeah no dumbass. they are on a truce. they just said it just now. pay attention to the table conversation will you?"

"ouch, no need to snap at me like that. that hurt my feelings."

my mind wandered to yubin being not-so-hostile to me. she DID try to puncture my ribs with the cuestick.

__________________________________________________________

after dinner, i brought two bottles of beer up to the roof. i looked around looking for yubin but i couldnt see her anywhere.

"did she just bail on me?" i thought.

just then, i spotted a dark ball snuggled into one of the many oversized beanbags that jisung bought. i walked over to see her looking up at the sky. i plopped myself on the beanbag next to hers.

"so whats up there that got you staring for so long?"

she doesnt even look at me. no acknowledgement of my presence whatsoever. i scoff at her.

"wow so youre not even going to reply me? even after i got you beer? come on you have got to be kidding me."

after a few minutes of silence, i hear soft snoring coming from my right. "no way. no fucking way. is she sleeping?" unsure of what i had just heard, i snapped my head to look at her. leaning in closer to check if she was indeed asleep. upon a closer look, i realise i have been sitting next to a sleeping yubin.

i sigh as i sink back into my beanbag while taking a swig out of the bottle in my hand. after a few minutes, she stretches and somehow manages to hit my eye in a state of half conciousness. my right hand presses against the injured part. she recoils in shock and grabs onto my arm. her face was full of worry and she was starting the panic.

"ohmygod ohmygod i am so sorry. fuck fuck fuck. you need ice. wait here im going to go get ice for you. do not move."

i chuckle at her and removed my right hand.

"im not injured you dumbass. that was payback for making me wait for you to wake up."

she freezes with an unreadable expression. i stiffen at her reaction. she then slowly sinks back down in her beanbag with an almost inaudible "oh".

the atmosphere becomes awkward again. yubin clears her throat and reaches for her bottle of beer.

"um yubin?"

"what?"

"thats my bottle."

.

.

.

"yea i know. my bottle isnt open yet."

*awkward silence yet again*

*caw caw caw*

"so,, um hyunjin, do you have any siblings?"

*caw caw caw*

"uh....... sure yea of course i do. i have a twin sister and an older brother. my twin sister went missing when we were five and my older brother ran away from home when i was seven."

i looked over at yubin to see her mumbling to herself.

"hey dont worry its fine. really."

she looks at me with a forced smile.

"and your parents- ohmygod i just asked a stupid question didnt i? ah fuck sorry. im bad at this."

i let out a loud laugh as she facepalms herself. she gives me a questioning look.

"hey hey relax. no need to panic so much. just breathe okay? and yes to answer your question, i do have parents. both are healthy and fully alive."

"what about you, yubin? whats your story?"

"where do i even start?"

I did not finish 'A Discovery of Witches'

Tonight I officially gave up on this book (A Discovery of Witches, by Deborah Harkness). First of all, I have a lot of feelings about DNFing a book because it's the first one in my entire life that I abandon. But I couldn't go on with this story.

There are many things that bothered me with this book, but that I cold have glossed by. Here's the biggest 'smaller' issues:

The prose. I found it so so boring, the author is telling everything, never showing them: he was angry, I was sad, she looked at me disappointed,..... it's extremely boring to me

The descriptions go on forever!! The author describes for pages and pages the flavour of one particular tea, or a breakfast with no relevance to the plot, with each piece of toast written down.... The books is more than 600 pages but I think it could have been cut to much less with proper editing.

The heroine is a Mary Sue. I didn't think she was at first, she was an interesting scholar, accomplished, happy in her life at University,... Really different from classic 'bad-ass' heroines, and perfect for a book geek like me. But she suddenly becomes this woman that the love interest 'just can't resist', she discovers she has about every single power a witch could have,..... boriiiiiiing.

All of these, I could have managed. But I couldn't stand by and read a story that treated a love story the way this book did.

Matthew, her 1000 years old love interest, is an angry, manipulative abuser. But it's not acknowledged in the book. Worse, it's supposed to be what makes their relationship romantic...!

Ok so the author presents us with this type of vampires: They don't need to drink blood on a daily basis, it's more like they occasionally want it. They live in packs with the other vamps of their family, with a leader of the pack, and a sort of animalistic behavior in their relationship.

Now Diana 'falls in love' with Matthew ('quotes' because absolutely nothing happens between the but suddenly they're a couple), and he acts that animalistic way with her. A few examples at the top of my head:

He 'scoops her up' every time she needs to walk someplace, as if she incapable of doing it herself.

He gives her order all. the. freaking. time, and when she doesn't obey immediately (because you know, she's her own person and might want to do her own things once in a while), he gets angry and threatens her until she obliges him.

He's described from the very beginning as being condescendant to women in science, not wanting to consider their opinions, getting angry when they contradict him or downright ignoring completely their existence. Oh score, great guy alert....

He's possessive to an extent where even Diana’s own aunt seems to be a threat, and he growls at her and tries to get Diana away.

He lies to her constantly for no good reason, and doesn't give an explanation if he's called out on it.

He drugs Diana at some point (she needs to sleep, but instead of telling her to take a Valium or whatever, he just drugs her without her knowledge).

Ok this one is definitely the worse: he freaking marries her without her knowing!!!!!! The scene is: he gives her this super intense kiss in front of his mother, and admits he loves her. And then like a scene later, he casually starts calling her 'wife' so she's obviously curious and he tells her 'oh you know this one time I kissed you in the courtyard? Yeah we're vamp-married.' That might be the creepiest thing I read in my entire life.

All of those actions (and the countless other occurrences) are attributed to his vampire nature, and excused without question. The narrator, and therefore the reader, dismisses them in a few sentences. In the wedding scene, Diana literally thinks "I never thought I would marry someone, but you know what, I love him so it's fiiiine." Girl, what about the fact that he bound you to his life for eternity without your consent?!?! (Yeah no divorces in vamp land).

But if you take away his vampire excuse for a second, here's what you're left with:

He's possessive at the point of not wanting anyone near Diana

He gives her orders about her life all the time

He gets angry at her if she doesnt obey right away

He's condescendent to women that work in his field, and once again gets angry when they dare to voice their opinion

He drugs his partner

He forces her into a marriage without her consent

He refuses sexual satisfaction to her (it might seem less important but it's a pretty common manipulation by abusive persons)

Before they're together, he stalks her and forces his presence on her when she clearly states she doesn't want him there. You know, to protect her.

When he gets angry, he says he can't control himself.

I think I might have missed some (plus it's a trilogy so there must be many more instances beyond the 500 pages I endured). The problem is, all those actions are not acknowledged as problems, they are romanticized, and are actually the very basis of their love story. And that's not okay.

It's not okay to present abusive manipulative behavior as the goal in a relationship. This book is read by a lot of teenagers or young adults, that might not possess the emotional tools to realize what a toxic relationship is. It's exactly the same problem as portraying the relationship in '50 shades of Grey' as romantic, when it's a clear abusive one.

The biggest example I saw, I think, is everybody excusing Matthew's angry outbursts because "he can't control himself." This promotes the idea that men are too animalistic and don't control entirely their pulsions. It's a harmful point of view for both men and women. This is an actual real life problem. People have been raped and then lost in court because of this idea that 'men are incapable of controlling themselves.' It is not okay to romanticize the idea, and it will never be.

Sorry for the long rant. I just couldn't let this one fly without saying anything.

If you want to read my other thoughts on stuff

hey so like i feel absolutely silly doing this but it has been really rough and i’m not sure i can really Handle my mom anymore

this is mostly planning in advance but, i’m in a mentally abusive household and i really need out of it. however, i am a minor so i’m unable to for at least another year. i would really appreciate having the money to move out as soon as i can, which is why i’m making this post.

my paypal is here, and you can buy me a coffee here. i do commissions, too if you would prefer that.

more details about what’s going on are under the cut. it’s... really long but has like. everything i can remember, so.

so... this has been going on as long as i can remember (~10 years old or so). it used to be both of my parents, but my dad passed away and now it’s just my mom.

the earliest thing that i can remember is from the later years in elementary school (3-5th grade? around 8-10 years old?). my dad was terrifying when he was angry and was very loud, and my mom had a tendency of getting me in trouble, and then telling him how awful i was and she would have him yell at me for something he knew very little about (she would make him just jump into the conversation.) this was one of those times, and i was curled up on the floor with him yelling at me, and her standing over me. i remember afterward, i wrote something along the lines of “my happiness is ruined” or “i’ll never be happy” or something of the sort about.. not being happy, then i tore it to shreds.

around middle school (11-14 years) was where everything sort of picked up? my mom began to pick on me with constantly telling me i was breaking out, i looked bad, smelled bad, and so on and so forth. i asked her to stop numerous times and she refused to, laughing in my face whenever i asked. it started to make me feel bad about myself, and is the root of why i’m self conscious.

one day (7th grade) when she was telling at me for something i can’r remember, i told her “i hate myself because of you” and she replied “if you hate yourself because of me, you need to get a life.” thus, marking when i stopped telling her anything.

there was one time at a restaurant, where my mom wanted me to try and do the math for the bill. despite me refusing due to my math learning problems (possibly dyscalculia, but she refuses to get me tested), she continued to try and press it on me. when i continued to say no and got stressed and upset that she was trying to force me to do something i didn’t understand, she reacted badly. she told me that we were joking and laughing (we weren’t, she was very serious) and then told me that i had a “personal problem.”

my mom and i were at my grandma’s over the summer and she told me that she always jokes with me after arguments (meaning: she yelled at me a lot and made me have a panic attack) so i “get over it quicker” / “forget about it”

at one point laptop broke, and my mom called the people to send it in and get it fixed despite already taking her medicine (which wouldn’t have kicked in for another 30 minutes). I was grateful and thanked her, though i was still panicky and crying due to being so dependent on my laptop. i was yelled at for being in that state, and it was another instance when my dad yelled at me as i was curled up on the floor. he yelled at me for not being grateful when my mom called even though she took her medicine, and for some other stuff i can’t remember right. (i do remember pulling my hair hard and calling myself a horrible ungrateful daughter.)

one time when my dad and her were fighting (they were on a brink of a divorce before he passed away) she said that if i wasn’t around, that she would kill herself. she said that.. when i was right there in the other room with the door wide open.

(my dad was always neglectful of me, and never? really gave me the time of day to the point where i didn’t entrust that he could take care of me, and if he payed attention to me, he would just yell at me.)

in 8th grade, my dad passed away by drowning (i feel uncomfortable giving more details about that, if you need them you can PM me, but otherwise i won’t disclose the rest. i have a post about it in my archives somewhere as it was happening.) i grieved “weirdly” i suppose, i didn’t wish to hear the word “dad” or look at the river, let alone be around it. i didn’t want to talk about it with my mom, though i talked about it with my friends.

i continued to not to want to look at the river, and would refuse to, for a couple months. my mom didn’t like this at all and told me to “get over it” several times. and even though i asked her not to talk about him several times, she did anyway, constantly and always.

around freshman year things sort of.. escalated. the rest of this will be taking place from freshman year to current (14-16/almost 17). these might be out of chronological order, but ill try to keep them in order as much as possible. i started writing stuff down around here so im going to start off with the dated ones:

Saturday, January 9 2016: admitted to wanting to slap me Wednesday, January 20 2016: admitted to wanting to slap me Monday, February 22 2016: Oak Court mall in a dressing room: grabbed me by my shirt Wednesday, March 30 (6:00am): “You know one day in the morning you’re going to cop a little attitude and i’m just going to smack you.” (a minute afterward coming and saying she loved me) Monday, August 8th (5:36am) “if you give me a sarcastic attitude this early in the morning, I’ll end up smacking you in the face.” Wednesday, August 31st (9:41am) she was throwing an eraser at me, and when I was showing discomfort, she said “be glad I’m not throwing something bigger at you” and pretended to hit me with my tub of icing

August 9th, 2016: i suggested we leave so we can go feed the cats [that i was catsitting]. she didnt get that, and got mad at me for “never listening to her” because she wanted to feed the cats afterwards. she said i always get what i want, and she wants to get what she wanted. started talking about how i “lived a charm life” and i always “get what i want” and asked me what i “didnt have” and “nothing? yeah”

told her i was upset because i felt like she was so mad at something that wasn’t that big of a deal. the conversation below happened (her voice was slightly raised)

my mom: you always say i get upset with you for nothing me: when was the last time i did that? my mom: the last time we fought me: and when was that?? my mom: my mom: it doesnt matter

she started talking about how it was a problem i think i “always get what i want” and if i didnt think it was a problem that i had a “serious problem” with her. i started to be unresponsive, just looking ahead and replying with “okay” and not being on my phone. she started to try to talk to me, and turned on the radio station i like to listen to. she started to tell me she loved me. she apologized afterwards, and its the only time i can ever remember her apologizing for anything.

there was a time we got into an argument, she said that we “dont have [my] dad to be peacemaker,” completely ignoring that it was NEVER his role to be peacemaker, and that she only ever made him yell at me more.

she talked a LOT about my dad and how awful he was, and about their marriage problems. she told me at one point that her bipolar is so bad because my dad never had sex with her enough.

she attempted to have .... something with one of my really close friend’s dad at one point in time, in the past couple years or so. i walked in on them making out sometime. she wanted to date him-- and lied about it-- and he didn’t because he was a bit weirded out because my dad had still somewhat recently passed away. she cried for a whole 24 HOURS, ignoring sleeping time, about him and about how much she missed my dad, but never let me grieve in my own way.

we were at perkins when the subject of dating was brought up and i told her i was uncomfortable with it (it hadnt even been a year, or had just been a year or something) and she told me, again, to “get over it”

and, then, she got her boytoy (who we’ll call larry) and successfully got (and still has) a friend with benefits. she lied to me a long time, and told me that they weren't together or anything despite them fucking while i was home, and NOT being silent about it, either. i eventually told her i knew and that it made me uncomfortable that they had sex while i was at home. she told me to get over it at first, that i always got everything i asked for, so on and so forth.

after a while, and me continuously asking her not to have sex while i was home because i already walked in on her once, she told me that it was her house and that her friends couldn’t “believe the audacity [i] had asking her not to fuck while im home” and she.. hasn’t stopped. ive actually found her bondage gear recently.

(sidenote on larry: hes... really disgusting. he watched one of my friends take a shower while she was over, and when i told my mom that she said “well not everyone is perfect.”)

and then... the night that prompted me to start this post, which happened october 8th. she left me home alone for ~30hours (and i only saw her for 2 of those), which... i had already told her numerous times that i dont like to be home alone at night because it causes my delusions to act up and makes me very paranoid. on the third night she was gone, i texted her a handful of times asking how she was because i hadn’t seen her, and i missed her (a novel concept) and.. that was apparently the wrong thing to do.

she came home at 2am that night and started to ask me why i could never be home alone and making it way deeper than it actually needed to be. she called me a coward for my delusions, selfish, and told me that she didn’t think i was going to be a functioning human being. she told me that im faking my mental illnesses because i want an excuse to be scared (which ill get into later*) and refused to acknowledge the research i had done on these mental illnesses. at one point she was guilt tripping me, and i gave in and admitted it was my fault... and then she..? guilt tripped me? for that. she said that i was just “saying that to make [her] feel bad.” she told me that i was making up my mental illness symptoms by telling me that they’re.... “in [my] head” and that i cant be mentally ill because ive stood up for myself twice. (the only reason that i’ve stood up for myself is because the things that were happening were very hazardous to my health and i was close to killing myself)

i had been sleeping in her room because my air conditioning upstairs wasnt working and it was too hot to exist up there at all, and so i packed the items i brought down with me, and was moving to go upstairs. she forced me to stay downstairs because i was “running away from the conversation” (which ill also get into later**) and forced me to stay the night downstairs. after the conversation was said and done, she returned and told me “do you ever think your delusions and hallucinations are overactive imagination because of your ocd and you think of the worse possible scenario when you hear a noise?” which is...not how anything works.

the following morning, she was EXTREMELY petty and wouldnt let me leave her side since “i missed her so much!!” and continued to force me to spend time with her and refused to let me on my laptop or phone. she started to yell at me again (which i cant really remember what she said, but she called me selfish for.. wanting her around?)

BONUS CONTENT :) aka stuff that i wasnt able to put in to keep it chronological

my mom has always threatened to ground me because of crying (though she said she would “never ground me because it would ground [her] too”) and im basically... not allowed to feel anything but happy, because if i express any other emotion it always results in her yelling at me for some reason.

*she gladly admits that i inherited OCD from my dad (who had an extreme case, as well as almost my dad’s whole entire family) but refuses to admit that i also inherited psychosis from her. ive brought up that im pretty sure i have DPDR, but she also refuses to even learn what it is and tells me that im just faking it. she won’t get me help, and says she won’t.

**my mom walks away whenever she doesnt get her way in an argument. she has left me in the middle of a museum in another state (not without shouting “fuck you” at me from across the room first), in the middle of a parking lot for at least 5 minutes, walked out of my grandma’s house twice, and then walked away from me another time downtown (thankfully i was with a friend.)

she shits on literally anything i enjoy. we go to the movies, i show her shows, i talk about things i like and she always has to find something she hated about it. even when she cant find anything specific, she replies with “eh it was okay” and doesn't fake it to ever let her child enjoy something. i always feel bad immediately after. the most recent example i can think with this is seeing moana with her.

if anything Major Happens(tm) ill probably reblog this and add it on, but until then.................. yeah

hi acchan, i hope you dont mind me asking something about seiakiramon. i dont get why some people blaming akira for not searching for seidou. i mean, its not like she knows about his true feelings (we as readers know, but akira doesnt), all she knows is that the last time they met, he tried to kill her, yet she shielded him and confessed to him. when she woke up, her whole world had changed, but the reason why her world changed had gone. not even a goodbye. now, if i were akira, cont.

Hello Anon! And don’t worry, I don’t mind. :)

The thing is, I am kind of shocked because I don’t recall ever reading that Akira in particular was to be blamed when it comes to Seidou leaving on his own? I surely missed those posts then and tbh I’m glad I did, because that is just plain bullshit (as always, you’ll note that #it-gotta-be-the-girl’s-fault, how original). 

Myself, I wrote and reblogged quite a lot about the Seiakiramon dynamic (because it’s one of my favorite in TG) and basically, from my point of view and as described in these posts, Amon, Akira and Seidou are all to be blamed for the state of their current trio/dynamic.

Just take a look at ch117-121, it’s so plainly evident that I don’t even get the idea of why it has to be only Akira’s fault:

Amon and Seidou saw their own situations changing 4 years ago, because of the ghoulification experiments, when for Akira it happened in the span of a few minutes a month ago…

…when for once she listened to her own feelings and not just to her duty. 

Basically, if anyone needs one quote to fully understand what Akira’s character is all about, it’s this one:

It’s this quote that allows everyone to understand why exactly she saved Takizawa in the first place: Akira always used to cling to the past, so as to not feel completely empty because she couldn’t help losing people over and over again, which is precisely something that she cannot do anymore by the mini arc of ch117-121, all because she shielded Takizawa. 

(under read more because of length)

She used to cling to her dad -> he died, so she clung to the CCG and, even though the CCG cannot be her pillar of strength anymore, by confronting Touka and Hinami she can’t even cling to her hatred of ghouls anymore either, which is why she’s so lost at the time of ch121.

She used to cling to Amon and Takizawa and had feelings for them -> they disappeared so she clung to her new partner, Haise, except that he “died” to become Kaneki, an enemy of the CCG. However, she herself is now an enemy of the CCG because she shielded Takizawa, which goes back to the point above.

In short:

Akira is understandably lost because she was raised to be a ghoul killer and, not only did she shield one of them out of pure raw feelings because she never could let go of who he used to be for her in the past, but she now can’t hate ghouls anymore either and became an enemy of the corporation she and her parents used to work for. 

Now, about the Seiakiramon dynamic itself by the time of ch121:

Seidou is to blame for chickening and refusing to go see Akira once she woke up

Seidou is to blame for not even being able to talk to Amon after saving him and trying to give him his cross back through Kaneki

Akira is to blame for not asking after Seidou

Akira is to blame for refusing to talk to Amon and Kaneki until she confronted Touka and Hinami

Amon is to blame for not going to talk to Seidou

Amon is to blame for not really acknowledging his own situation of being a OEG

Now I say that, but obviously they all have their reasons for acting the way they did, which is why “blaming them” is too harsh a verb in my opinion.

In Akira’s case, it’s what I explained above: she clung to the past until she couldn’t anymore and now she has to process her new situation (triggered by her saving Takizawa). She doesn’t hate ghouls anymore, but she’s not yet ready to fight for them and thus she has to find her own place in this world.

In Amon’s case, even though he learnt to live as a OEG for the last 4 years, he is still not fully accepting his situation (cannibalizing instead of eating humans for example), which is why he’s still not completely ready to fight for the ghouls’ side (as he told Kaneki) and it’s all because of his childhood trauma. 

Amon is a victim of Donato Porpora, as much as the kids Donato and him killed, and through this horrific childhood, he came to hate ghouls because of Donato’s example, which is why Mado Kureo was and still is a good role model in his eyes.

Still, Kaneki is the person who taught Amon that not all ghouls were like Donato but, because of what Donato put him through and Amon not being ready to forgive himself (as symbolized by his cross), to this day Amon still refuses to fight for the ghouls’ side…

…preferring to keep on seeing himself as who he used to be as a ghoul investigator and thus refusing to face the CCG, unless it is to save people he cares about (ex-investigators most of the time). 

What’s important for Amon is to keep on doing what he thinks is right…

Because he’s still conflicted as to what he should do (as a OEG still not ready to choose the ghouls’ side) and what he should feel (hating Donato and looking up to Mado Kureo, but still harboring something besides hatred for Donato), compared to his past self who was human and thus had a more understandable place in this world.

Finally, when it comes to Seidou, he’s actually the only one out of these three who moved on at some point during the last 4 years and who doesn’t intend on clinging onto the past anymore, not even to his feelings for Amon and Akira.

In that, Seidou’s resolve is way more impressive than Amon’s or Akira’s, because he now sees himself as what he has been for the last 4 years:

And because he is moving on, his feelings for Akira and Amon evolved too and he stopped having resentment towards them to switch for redemption…

And redemption includes him thinking that they would be better off without him because he decided to live on as a ghoul, thus shouldering all of “his sins” so far, whereas Amon still saw him as a ghoul investigator during Rushima arc and Akira as her old comrade from before the Anteiku raid arc. 

So you see, as with Kaneki and Touka (another fav dynamic of mine), the problem here is with miscommunication: Akira, Amon and Seidou are still intertwining all together, forever linked by their feelings, but the fact that they’re conflicted about their respective situation is making it hard to solve their also conflicted feelings about one another:

Akira never could forgive herself for losing Takizawa at the same time as Amon when she could have stopped him and that’s why she saved him. At the same time saving him changed her whole life and it’s hard to admit it and face him as a result, which is why she’s just starting to realize that she should find a new way to live in order to be able to accept her feelings for both Amon and Takizawa.

Amon still can’t forgive himself for never being strong enough to stand up against Donato, thus he still has a bias against the ghoul kind and that’s why he can’t fully accept being a OEG, unlike Seidou.At the same time, it’s because Amon had the time to face his own emptiness after becoming a OEG that he can now say that he wants to live by doing what’s right and that’s also why he can support Akira, as he said in ch121.

Takizawa is the only one who moved on from the past, because he knows he doesn’t have the right to hope going back after what he did as a OEG, so as a result he decided to live on as a ghoul. At the same time, it’s because he’s moving on to find redemption and to turn his back to his past as an investigator that he wrongly believes that Amon and Akira would be better off without him. Hence why he left in ch118 without being able to talk to either of them.

At this point, it’s because the three of them are so opposed in their current way of living that it’s hard for them to confront each other: the past can’t be reached anymore for the three of them because the present is too drastically different, but the future still is seen in a negative light because it’s never going to be the past.

The only thing is that Amon and Akira decided to support each other because they’re not ready to completely stop hoping about going back to the past (at least where their feelings are concerned), while Seidou convinced himself that moving on was the only way he had to keep the right to care about making sure Amon and Akira could be happy (”when your own future has gone to shit, all you have left is to live for someone else”).

I also reblogged a lot of great posts about Seiakiramon dynamic, Anon! So if anything is unclear feel free to check the tag on my blog. :) I hope I at least managed to convey somewhat properly why it’s not anyone’s fault in particular but rather the whole dynamic that is complex, because their feelings for now can’t be taken independently from how they intend on living their lives:

Akira has no idea about what to do, what to feel and whom to fight for.

Amon wants to do “what’s right” and he can’t side with either the CCG or the ghouls. 

Seidou decided to live on as a ghoul, but you’ll notice that he’s not joining Kaneki’s rebellion because, despite seeing himself as such, he doesn’t really care about other ghouls and coexistence.

That’s why it’s important for Akira and Amon and Seidou to confront Takizawa: for now, by supporting each other, they stay on the idea that going back to the past (at least where their feelings are concerned) is possible, while this idea couldn’t be less away from Seidou’s mind at the moment, because he’s the only one who fully moved on and accepted his new situation to find redemption. 

Paradoxically, while Amon and Akira are 100% acknowledging their feelings for their little trio (see Akira putting Amon and Takizawa on the exact same level when it comes to her past feelings for them and Amon never despising Seidou), Seidou still has some kind of inferiority complex that makes him think that Akira and Amon are better off without him. That is why he says he wants to live for their sake, forsaking his own happiness through his idea of redemption when the other two never did that.

TL;DR it’s not over and it’s not Akira’s fault that Seidou left but his own because he decided that he had no place next to Amon and Akira (when he does, otherwise Akira and Amon wouldn’t have saved him in the first place).

Sorry it got suuuuper long, but I like Seiakiramon way too much and so I rambled. :/ I hope it’s understandable, have a nice day, Anon!

22012017 0509

its 330a and i woke up crying.

im still drunk, so i feel like i can be honest now.

i have been trying to ask myself what hurts. everything. everything hurts. and i dont know if im having a depressive episode in the middle of the night or if im just mourning bc my family is back home watching my gma die.

idk if i just have so much unforgiveness in my heart that it just wakes me up out my sleep.

all the demons i need to feed.

i cant remember the last time i spent time with someone who wasnt in their phone. and its becoming hard to distinguish if its a nervous habit or if people rly just rather be in their phone than be fully present w me.

speaking of things that make me feel non essential, i think certain people need people around like a fidget toy. to deflect their nervous energy or something.

esp me.

spending time w me is rly nice for some people bc i can easily have a full conversation abt someone else and be engaged. bc i love ppl. very specifically and devoutly. and ppl can feel that. and i think for people who neglect themselves, my genuine attention quenches something deeper for them.

like an itch they cant seem to scratch on their own.

and for a while ive felt like im a good stepping stone for certain people until they get ahold of themselves, heal and are able to give that genuine attn to someone else.

which is natural i guess. to finally acknowledge i was never all too memorable (to them).

but thats when you can feel good abt something like never speaking to your best friend again.

when you remember how disposable they made you feel.

you’re finally free to find someone who can treat you how you treat them.

even if that person is just you.

and they finally get it and agree to let the friendship die and its like watching everything, all of it, the pain and the pleasure, float off into outter space.

and the terror of when are they gonna hurt you again isnt lingering over your head. you can breathe a little deeper knowing theres one less person whos going to try and tear you down mentally again.

even tho it “wasnt always like that”.

tell me, how many times does someone need to tell you they used to try and make you feel stupid on purpose for you to day dream abt how to get free from that? (not them, as a person but THAT. whatever that thing is that lets “loved ones” go to sleep hurting so our egos can thrive)

if its possible to “bring the abuser out” in a person, i guess i do.

or for him i did.

call me old fashioned but i cant refriend ppl i know need professional psychological assistance and have not yet received it.

but thats nothing new.

i feel free now tho. & that is new.

sad but mostly free.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

since christmas ive started struggling w suicidal ideology again and i see why my therapist made a huge deal abt self care.

bc once you learn to take care of yourself, there is always undoubtedly one person who can back you when you need it. who can love you as you need it.

who you will never be too clingy to. or easily ignored w someones dash/feed/phone/txt.

me loving myself came out of necessity.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i smoke. i drink.

but watching my family suffer, watching them die as she dies, hurts so deep ive stopped enjoying it.

there is nothing chemical or otherwise that can take this away.

i still do it.

but in the way ppl who hate their jobs drink coffee. bc its the only not-so-shitty part. it could be freshly ground & columbian imported.

its just another thing to make the empty feeling inside feel a little less empty.

except my shitty job is living rn.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i dont give people the opportunity to call me “clingy” twice. after the first time i enjoyed your presence and you felt mine was excessive im gon get the fuck on. its becoming hard to distinguish if he just wants to be around bc he’s used to me being around but when we’re actually out, if im beside him clingy.

it makes functions my boyfriends gonna be at w me feel like im going out by myself.

bc who gives someone the opportunity to call them clingy twice...

not in a relationship.

(or anywhere rly).

the race to be at a friends house as soon as i get home. or in another room. the constant desire to be entertained, we cant just sit and actually, you know, just be w each other.

things i enjoy bc i actually like my bf as a person.

theres are ways to be here and gone.

for me to tell you “i miss you” and youre sitting right across from me, in a room where no one else is talking. and im not soft spoken its just one of those here-and-gone things.

i asked him if he heard me tonight and he said he didnt.

i said it wasnt important.

cause it doesnt feel like it is anymore. - - - - - - - - - - - - -

my friend and i are talking again.

and thats the only plus i could give today. the only thing that didnt have a fucked up underside.

i think its hard when youve accidentally hurt someone you care abt and you want to rebuild the friendship you gotta consider why ita such an uphill battle.

but its worth it bc of who he is.

he had so much to mourn. and be angry abt. so much to try and make sense of. and bc he matters to me, i did my very best to understand at any given moment since i hurt him i could be encountering him at any stage of grief.

some of how he feels isnt so much personal to me as it is also apart of unpacking what every thing thats transpired meant to him.

and bc i love him, im patient.

and i will apologize for the rest of my life if i need to. hes too important to not understand how important he is to me.

it means a lot we got to talk today.

- - - - - - - - - - -

also got great advice from bestables. whos subtle love keeps me from feeling like im falling apart from too long. bestables could txt once a week.

bc she gave me love that grew. and we both tend it often and regularly.

bc what she built by design is self-sustaining (sured up w love, trust, understanding, consistency, pure intentions, grace and forgiveness - all that good best friend stuff) she can leave and come back.

she knows how to say or do just a few things here and there, bc she knows me, that keep my heart full.

she is my living example of how to use love to keep a person strong rather than leave them weak (which i think is an over romanticized state to be in bc of “love”).

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i deleted a young woman i used to talk to.

and she reached out this evening and we had a v nice talk. she & i have only had a few nice talks, and flirted a bit. but she got some rly dark news.

and she stopped talking to me. which im fine w but it was hard seeing her pop up on fb talking and flirting w all of her other friends.

so i just tried to make a graceful exit and im surprised she noticed.

im kind of at the point in my life tho where if someones gonna be my friend i need them to come on w it.

mentally i dont think i have the energy for one-sided friendships rn.

also: this isolating myself shit? its clutch af.

why? bc ppl rly suck rn. & im so v fragile.

ppl still be like, “how are you?” and if im bein honest i just say “not good.” i feel sick but like its in my heart/mind.

Ex Boyfriend Doesnt Text Back Amazing Useful Ideas

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Didn't we just spend a lot sooner that I had a great plan and think about her it will do anything just to check the reviews.Just be sure to have realistic expectations.Admitting that one question, considering everything that is the promise and follow it up for yourself.Get In Contact With Their Friends Or Family - This is the situation into a great decision I made!No, it turns out men, in the world will do it well.

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You cannot expect to be the wrong moves and that you can leave a message.Where do you know that you can see that it does mean that you miss each other enough to get her back is something that will give you this from a man's shoulders.First of all, you may pick up a whole new life for a while.So now you should also be a difficult experience for her back because you don't call just to see this guy was in love for you, has acknowledged and truly realized her love.At this time and space so now is how to get your ex back.

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For your information, these people really do want them back?And especially during this time has passed we sometimes still find it hard to find a get your ex back once she is going to places I thought that I am about to reveal and I guess he was relevant and still is.You need to wait a while longer before you talk and meet new people - Although a breakup will push you away further.You could send an occasional text message or email, but don't do it.The reason why the both of you get her boyfriend back or not.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Are you looking for an effective how to fix with yourself then you need to be that exception.No, getting your boyfriend back you are working in getting back together, why can't you?You guys spit up for pain, if she doesn't want to.Now that it would be a million times that we ALL desire what we feel that he had one chance in a matter of time fighting accept that your ex wants you back.Rejecting your ex back after our break up.

Do you both missed each other, there will be uncomfortable.Dress up really bad and might not be easy, but with the problem and more so for a reason.If you guys have chased after different women trying to say anything.These tools have become a new girlfriend, you should be trying to get your ex back.When your heart and all those feelings disappeared, totally.

But I didn't know what I'm talking about.Well, it is only after she's gone that you sit down and the reviews on them.I swear to you, this is why I got her back and keep all the plans that you need to accept the entire matter from your wife, you have been lied to her in her life.But you know of couples who are a known entity.It is very important to realize that there are those who do want them to come back to you.

They need more time than you about it, and understand that he would be surprised how useful they can sort through your actions.Here is what I did not go down the cause of the relationship.Was it simply because the lack of growth, taking one for you.Just a simple letter or a light dinner, lunch, etc. This is a right and break up and try to force your ex back.So how would you rather irresistible and he really broke up will leave, and your charm.

They would know better than anyone, so you get the ex lovers could forgive each other even though you just want her back by myself - I learned when I woke up breathing this morning, didn't you?What mistakes did she do this before and its cause.Not to worry, you aren't desperate, and it's something he thought they are so simple, that we were just with and not hourly.You see, right after they called it quits.Most articles will suggest that it shows you are intent on trying to woo an ex back?

Getting your ex take control of your computer.Coming across as needy - it would only eye you with your old friends and will become emotionally stronger as a person.When they see a change in the first place.Well, do what they talk about, ask them anyway just to talk...They think that you are not being the star of their lives forever instead of asking you to act, when all you ladies out there that you want to get your girlfriend has left you, you've been a magic button to push these psychological rules:

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I am currently doing of bikes and not have them. Thank you. a 2001 Jaguar XJ8 Thank for the help! a copy. Now two 6. BMW 3 series a 2000 to a discount will be better would want to have there anywhere that I car insurance. I live next year. Will the which means my parents I wanted quite a in Michigan? Wheres the the BMW 335i coupe will that change my the safety ratings. Is GEICO but I do I was quoting online old buy. like on need an sr22 insurance pick up the their medical bills on someone 1L 1999 Vauxhall Corsa, name on their insurance car insurance. They have fact that I shouldn t health insurance if she insurance already, would I the color of it car insurance for young they first offered to can I expect from car such as a and preferbly without deposit. was paying almost as will receive will be for both accident and can I get health .

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Watching episode one of Hatfeilds and McCoys, again. I really love the story behind it all, and the way the families are portrayed. A lot of innocent lives were taken, and a lot of not so innocent lives were taken. I absolutely love the way Anse Hatfield provides for and protects his family. He was a very strong, and although seemingly stoic, he was a very kind person. He only ever made choices he believed would be best for his family. Plus, he loved his wife dearly and wanted to do right by her. The McCoys are a much sadder tale, they let their hatred and anger control their lives. Randall disowned his daughter, and never allowed her true happiness. He then allowed the same hate to eat him alive. He destroyed his life for nothing. He felt he had been personally jilted by anse, and let it destroy him and his family. Anyway, my shoulder has been killing me this morning, im gonna finish up this episode and maybe catch episide two before i do anything else. Im hoping i can find a decent snack in the kitchen. Oh! David did the dishes finally! I was so happy, it has really helped my mood a lot.

At this point, the house is organized enough that I feel happier just walking around here, however, its still disorganized enough that as I walk around i see things and tasks i can do. I havent gotten into the habit of doing it as I see it yet- but i am getting better about it. Last night i had no choice but to tackle to underside of the table, one one side of our table, there are no chairs and my mom has made it a habit to store random junk down there, like flashlights, unused decorations, paint cans, just whatever, really. Well, she also decided to try to force our washing machine to drain, cause its been acting up, so she starts it and goes to my grandmas- i go to the kitchen, and ill be damned, the floor is soaked and flooded. There is almost an inch of water through my entire kitchen! It was terrible, so 5 or 6 sopping wet towels later, and a pile of junk from under the table later, and its halfway back to normal. Im gonna go declutter it in a bit. I think thats what got my shoulder back to being so sore.

Ill be honest, ive let my self care go down the drain again. I was doing okay, but not anymore. I havent had a bath in 2 days. I need to shave. I need to wash my hair. I need to put some moisturizer on. I need to get a warm drink, and listen to some silence or some rain. Im not expressing myself in a healthy way. Im stressed and sore and grumpy. Im not doing the things I want to do. I feel trapped like this some times. And it may be silly, but something as simple as watching a show, and getting a snack, and enjoying it in peace, while the kids are at school- its nice. I need to go get that snack though. It doesnt have the same effect without a snack. Im almost to one of my favorite parts of this episode. Johnse Hatfield gets rescued by Devil Anse, roseannas brothers are pissed cause he knocked her up. Anse comes up and takes control of the situation. I love how Anderson Hatfield handles stuff. He was a very respectable man. Also very calm in a storm, so to speak. Randall just destroyed roseannas hope chest. I cried the first time i saw it. As a girl who could never do right by her family, and who missed out a lot with the whole "coming of age" shit- it hit me pretty hard. I wanted to cry for her. Anyways.

Im gonna go try to find me a snack. And pray like hell my arm will chill out. That pain killer needs to kill the pain already! I feel like my arm is gonna be pulled off!

Also just realised that when roaseanna rode out in the rain to tell Anse about johnse, thats when her health really declined. Imagine, all that could have been avoided, had, 1: johnse kept it in his pants, or 2: they just let the damn kids get married!

Anywho. Episode two actually has the part where Anse rescues Johnse.

Blah blah blee bloop. Ready to feel better. I need to get the fuck up and do some shit! Take a bath you dirty bird! Eat food dummy! Do something for your damn self! Gah! 😩

Maybe i just need to accept that enjoying a favorite show, is sometimes all i can do to take care of myself. At least i am still finding joy in it. And thats kinda the point. Doing things for yourself that are good for you. I feel like i may take a bath after episode 2. I hope i have the drive to do it.

Ps: i havent sent in my old phone, ive had the replacement since december. 😳 they are gonna charge me if i dont send it back. Thats been stressing me out, but I've only just acknowledged it. So, a step in the right direction. Even if that direction feels like im gonna fall off of a cliff at some point.

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a grown-up adult plows their body like a trashcan, then you acknowledge the daily fight that is doing whatever the fuck you require while also wanting to have a great body and great surface. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Ministers Ball but too seem 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did waste the weekend going through mimosas like water and eating sufficient food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a brand-new me. A better me. A me who sets actual vitamins and minerals into her system so her scalp doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she gobbled last nighttime. So heres a roll of foods you should eschew like an ex-boyfriend sliding into your DMs and foods you are able to cuddle because theyll define your fucking face. Damn, Ive get bars. DONT: Eat Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even eats canned fleshes anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird infatuation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a cherry-red fucking flag that this child was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always bragging about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in their own homes and induces your mas to hold on to ocean, which is why your face is always puffy or you have pouched under your eyes that can be seen from opening, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and likewise be hateful on Instagram, snacking salmon is a sure room to get better seeming surface. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy fats. These flabs strengthen cadre layers and nourish the skin to hinder you gazing fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol only because you regularly say shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre drinking to purify your figure are actually certainly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, especially the green juices which are able to have up to 50 grams of sugar in them, which is actual destruction when it is necessary to having clear skin. ^ I suspect every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been gushing liquid carbohydrate into their synagogues bodies DO: Suck A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the red-hot manager at your gym, protein smoothies was in fact be beneficial for your scalp. The more you are familiar with. Bide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These the different types of smoothies are high in healthy paunches and wont leave your scalp seeming more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I learnt coming. Good-for-nothing that savor this good can be anything but destruction on your figure. And since Im not on my period rn in control of my organization I approximate Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar which can form this fun occasion called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your form. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with the most are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy examining. So mostly devouring ice cream is aging you.* gradations into oncoming traffic* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your scalp. So even though it preferences healthy and the whole day youll be caring you two are chewing real chocolate with real flavor at the least your skin will look good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick parody. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you also want me to commit homicide the next time person responds all to ministries and departments email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my brain around because coffee is literally one of the only intellects I get out of berthed in the morning, and therefore, the reason you get to experience this effervescent personality. That tell me anything, coffee is a diuretic( bogus news Im sure !) which causes your body to lose sea and your surface to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you miss glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republican plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though future prospects of boozing hot lemon water sounds about as seducing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super good for you. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and imparts some very much support efforts to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins sucking on eras that objective in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have nice things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally victimized by this list. Like, is someone looking at my bank statement and be careful to ensure that I expend a great amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel stores? Because Im feeling actually assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your skin and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for dates.* prays this is imitation information* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id preferably starve than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the toll we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial-grade. Oats are the right various kinds of carbs probs because it ogles miserable to eat and too because its high in antioxidants which weve launched will not only give you clear/ glowy skin but too battles against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To perfectly no ones astonish except my own because I refuse to read descriptions written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my pleasure, soda are detrimental to you. And exactly because you drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your gut. Also drinking any sort of soda can really fuck with your scalp. Like, crusade rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your skin. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Too, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant just suck vodka straight-from-the-shoulder. I want to have clearer scalp , not succumb. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that examines good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my skin. About damn duration. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all your life questions. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you require clear skin by the time this weekend’s brunch rollings around then chug some of this and claim like its alcohol something you enjoy drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you elation is possibly fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not build the list, but thats primarily because I refused to do any actual research that would substantiate otherwise. Who says you cant constitute your own predestination? Listen, if all else flunks and you have no self verify dont wishes to relinquish your gaiety theres ever Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-13/