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sunoorintarou · 8 months

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Catharsis: Something only we know.

Phos!Reader x (Platonic) Getou Suguru

Warnings: Mentions of mental health, brief implications of child abuse, reader blames herself for everything, self loathing, mentions of health and eating disorders, Getou is still Getou, very angsty to somewhat comfort, Getou sees himself in reader

Notes: Hoo boy, this was alot. I love Getou tho so in this au, he will still be himself, but anyways pls prepare yourself for angst!!

"Getou - San?" You asked, finally finding the courage to voice your concerns. It was a hot day at the beach, as usual. Mahito was terrorising Jogo and Hanami while Getou rested with you in the shade.

"Yes, Y/n - chan?" Getou looked up from the book he was reading. It was unusual for you to suddenly speak to him, so he decided to give you his full attention when he did.

"Can- can I tell you, about my cursed technique? Is it OK, just, for insurance sake?" You stutter. You had been wanting to speak to Getou about your Cursed Technique since you met him but hadn't gotten the guts to till now.

"Of course, Y/n - chan, what is it?" Getou had been anticipating this conversation. He had been equally curious about your cursed technique, wanting to see the limits and advantages it held. But he didn't want to scare you off. You were the most closed off member of his 'family', and he knew you'd need time to tell him these things.

"Basically, my cursed technique... I can turn curses into various precious gems and alloys by touching them and absorbing them..." You started, knowing full well this wasn't what you wanted to say most.

Getou hummed, this was the basic information about it you had told him, but you were hesitating, clearly having something weighing on your mind. So he stayed patient, nodding along gently.

"The thing is... when I absorb curses... I feel sick, in here." You pointed to your chest, hands trembling ever so slightly.

"It's like, they become a part of me. Not in the soul way, but in the way where I can feel all the misery and pain, all those disgusting emotions that they held in me, I really feel it, in my bones and it makes me feel so so sick. I just-" You brought your knees to your chest, gently leaning your forehead against them.

For the longest time, you felt as if you were drowning. You had been physically sick for the longest time after the incident with your legs. You had nose bleeds so often the scent of blood seemed to linger around you. You could barely hold down your food, skipping meals or rushing to the bathroom, to expel the contents of your stomach.

It only got worse after what happened to your arms and Yukio. Although it seemed like your body had accepted the alloy immediately. It hadn't. You started vomiting blood, feeling such excruciating pain when the alloy started to spread into your bones, through your veins, forming it's own nervous and muscular system. There were days you couldn't even leave your bed, head spinning to the point you couldn't tell reality from dreams.

Those were the days you had simply locked your door, knowing the others would be worried and accept your mourning. Yet, it was so much deeper than that because a part of you felt as if you deserved this for what had happened to Yukio.

You were scared. What if he wrote you off or laughed at you? For being so weak? You couldn't even take absorbing a couple curses? What if they were right, everyone else, your past friends, your parents, what if you really were just pathetic and weak-

You froze when you felt Getou's hand on your head, looking up at him with eyes glazed over in gold.

If there was one person you understood your feelings better than anyone else, it was Getou. The feeling of swallowing curses was so disgusting to him. He despised it more than anything. Even worse when absorbing them into your being. He knew how you felt first hand. The only difference was that he could get rid of that feeling by releasing them and you... could not. They were truly a part of you.

"Ah, right, right, I need to, to say something else. My body- has a built-in network of gems and gold. I don't know how to explain it but it's like a, a nervous system. It covers my bones and everything, then it crystallises to stop bleeding- that's why-" you decided showing him was better than trying to explain.

You grabbed your finger in one hand, taking in a deep breath when you snapped it off. Getou's eyes widened, watching how the previously exposed muscle and bone was covered with gold in a split second to stop the bleeding.

You then chipped away the thing layer of gold before placing your hand back against your hand. Immediately, liquid gold repaired the crack. You moved your finger, tilting your head to look at Getou.

"Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't it have any negative effects?" Getou asked, looking at it in surprise.

"I- if, if it's a lot of my body and I can't get it back- like, my consciousness, I think, I don't know, but it lives in the crystal. So whenever I lose parts of my body, I lose parts of myself, I- I start to forget things, names, people, places, I- it does hurt. Alot." Your voice went soft, a tear running down your cheek before you could stop it.

"Then don't use it. You're powerful enough without using that part of your Cursed Technique, and if it's hurting you, then stop. Even if you're fighting and feel like that's the only way to win, ask for help. One of us will always be with you. Because if you do use it, even if you win, it won't make up for what you lose."

As you looked at Getou, although his voice was gentle, you could tell he wasn't actually there with you. He seemed to be reliving something in that mind of his. Eyes out of focus as he gently patted your hair.

Getou was saying to you, things he wished someone could have said to him all those years ago. Not those exact words, heck, maybe not even anything close to that. But all he wished for at that time was for someone to hear him and tell him it would be OK. It wouldn't fix anything. The path Getou was to walk on was fixed, predestined from the second he was born into this cruel world. But perhaps, it could have delayed the inevitable or helped him enough to not blame himself.

"Getou - san..." Tears built up in your eyes, gold trailing down your cheeks, and that seemed to bring Getou back.

"There, there, it's OK. We'll just be careful, Phosphophyllite only has a hardness of 3.5 after all." He teased, gently patting your hair. He couldn't change the past, but he could choose his future, and that's all that mattered.

#houseki no kuni #jjk angst #jjk x hnk crossover #land of the lustrous #phos!reader #catharsis #hnk x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #platonic getou suguru #getou suguru angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #getou x reader

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chaos-writes · 3 years

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Spoiled! A Rikiya Yotsubashi x reader fic

Warnings: so basically the reader gets called "little one" a lot. Call it what you want, but it is not CG/L (at least the kink side of it. It is more or less the therapeutics of it). There is a lot of softness and tenderness, and there is a bath scene. Not s*xual, but a bath nonetheless. Slight angst. Lots of comfort. Reader has a job (anywhere, doesn't matter) and there are descriptions of physical pain. It is so comfortable and fluffy that I have literally fallen asleep writing it. Twice.

Word count: ~2k

"Hey Rikiya, I'm home!" He was sitting on his squishy armchair, in gym shorts and an undershirt, hair down and sleepily flipping through the newspaper. He turned to look at me and gave a lazy smile. "Hello, Little One." I just got home from a long day at work and could quite literally pass out. "My nerves are shot. I had such a bad day today." His smile faltered a little, concern beginning to nibble at his expression.

He gently laid the newspaper he was holding onto the coffee table in front of him and motioned for me to lay on the couch next to his armchair. He sat a soft pillow down on the end of the couch closest to him. I layed down on the leather couch and took a deep breath. He stroked my hair a few times before planting a kiss to my temple.

"I know how hard you have been working lately, my dear. I want you to understand that it won't go unnoticed by me. You deserve so much, Little One. Now... what can I do to help make you feel better?"

"I would love to just rest. I barely have any energy left and every customer that came by had such an attitude and my boss was so mean today and- and..." tears welled and bit the corners of my eyes hard as my voice began to crack. Rikiya slid off the armchair and kneeled by my side, turning me onto my side and hugging me ever so tightly.

He then pulled me up and sat on the couch, having me straddle his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. I was only able to get a small glimpse of the tears shining in the corners of his eyes before I was enveloped in a pair if strong arms and given a warm soft chest to rest my head and cry into.

He spoke softly into my hair, "It's all right, Sunshine. It's okay to cry. I want nothing more than to take all of that pain away from you." He went on and rocked side to side as I silently sobbed into the crook of his neck and sniffled. "You're allowed to have these big feelings and show that you're having them. You're allowed to take up space and express how you feel. Let it all out, darling. Everything is going to be okay."

He held me until I no longer sniffled, cooing at and comforting me. He continued to encourage me to relieve all my worries from my mind. After what felt like ages, I sat up and he carefully cradled my face in his hands. "Are you okay? Do you feel a little better now?" Rikiya's tears dried and stained his cheeks now. His eyes spoke a million words of sorrow and shined brighter than I have ever seen before. I reached up to wipe his cheeks as gently as I could and rested my hands on his chest as I spoke.

"Yeah. I feel better. I dont know what made me do that, normally I can handle it..."

"It's alright, Little One," He said. He caressed my arms and waist and spoke, "You were probably bottling it up without realizing. You know it's always okay to come to me to talk, alright?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too, baby. Let's get you something to eat. You must be so hungry after such a long day." My hands traveled from his chest to my stomach. It's true, I thought. I forgot to eat…

I climbed off of his lap as he sat up and unlocked his phone. He pulled up one of those food delivery apps and leaned closer to me. "What looks good? Ooh, I know! How about pho? I think some warm food is what you need."

"That sounds pretty good right now. Can we get seafood rolls too?"

"I was just about to ask if you wanted some. I love those things!" He giggled and smiled his dorky smile at me. I giggled back. He placed the order and typed in the information.

"You know we can split it, right, Rikiya?"

"Nonsense. Tonight is about you, Little One. Don't worry about money or having to pay for food. You've dealt with enough today." He kissed my forehead and closed his phone.

"What do you say we watch a movie while we wait for the food? Your pick." He turned on the TV and flipped through the subscriptions. "How about one of those Tim Burton movies you like?"

"Yeah! What about The Corpse Bride?"

"Of course Dear!" He smiled widely.

About a half hour later, our food arrived. He walked out the living room, answered the door and thanked the delivery person. He returned with two small bags, one for each of us.

I started to slide down the couch to sit at the table, but Rikiya stopped me. He grabbed a cushion from underneath the table and took my hand in his. He gently helped me down onto the cushion and set up my food for me.

We ate silently with the movie playing in the background. I noticed in my peripheral vision that Rikiya was smiling to himself and looking at me every time I paid more attention to the TV rather than my food.

He started to play with my cheeks and hair and smiled. He gingerly kissed my cheek and. I giggled and quickly dipped my finger in the warm broth. I swiped it onto the tip of his nose and we laughed.

After a few moments of silence, he grabbed onto my hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. In that moment I knew I was going to be okay.

I ate slowly and savored every bite and slurp of those noodles. They felt so wonderful finally filling up my empty stomach and they warmed me right up. I have never felt so relaxed.

As the end credits rolled around, I started to pick up all of the trash left on the table and collected it in one of the takeout bags it all came in. I hummed along with the soundtrack of the credits and wasn't aware of my surroundings in the slightest.

I heard Rikiya get up from the table and felt his warmth as he sat himself behind me so that I sat between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a warm and comforting embrace. He nuzzled into the crook of my neck and pressed small, gentle kisses to my jaw and shoulder. I reached over and started rubbing and patting the side of his leg.

We sat in a comfortable silence as the movie finally finished and embraced each other for a while. I leaned back into Rikiya. "Rikiya?"

"Yes, Little One?"

"I'm starting to hurt again. The food and everything was able to distract me but now I need to actually relieve the pain..."

"I have an idea. I'll run a warm bath for you and set up your favorite aromatherapy things. Does lavender sound good, Darling?"

"That sounds wonderful, Rikiya." I gave him a sleepy smile.

He helped me up slowly and sat me down on the couch. He grabbed a blanket off the armchair and draped it over me to keep me warm while he handled everything. He kissed my head ever so gently and got to work, walking to the bathroom and setting everything up.

Rikiya laid everything out on the counter so it was reachable from the bathtub. Lavender and cedarwood lotion, gentle shampoo, conditioner, lavender bubble bath, and rosehip and lavender candles. He grabbed some fresh extra-soft towels out of the closet and prepared them to be thrown in the dryer about halfway through the bath. He poured the bubble bath, lit the candles, finished running the bath and dimmed the lights. It was sunset, so it was still light enough to be able to navigate the bathroom and the different products.

I was laying on the couch, dozing off, when I felt a pair of hands on my blanket. Then, one was interlocking beneath my knees and the other around my back. I lazily opened my eyes and looked up at my carrier. He cooed at me and smiled.

"So precious, my Sunshine."

I yawned and reached up to pet his cheeks while we were on our way to the bathroom. Soon enough, he stepped through the doorway of the bathroom and gently and slowly stood me up on my feet.

Rikiya held onto my arms gently and spoke earnestly, "If you're okay with it, I'd like to stay in here with you to make sure you get to relax fully. The last thing you need is to worry about washing. You're in pain."

"Okay. No funny business, though," I giggled. He smiled and shook his head. "No. No funny business. I just want you to relax. You had a hard week as it is."

I undressed and got ready to get into the bathtub. Rikiya grabbed my hand and helped me down into the warm, inviting bath. I slid down and took a deep breath. "Perfect. You're such a wonderful being. So precious, so valuable, you're worth it all Little One... everything."

"You have no idea how good of a boyfriend you are, Rikiya."

He… winced?

He spoke carefully, "Thank you, I really do appreciate that. But something just isn't quite right with the term… boyfriend."

"Oh… did you have something else in mind, then?"

"What about 'partner'?" He smiled and caressed my cheek gently.

"That's fine. As long as we're both comfortable, I guess." I played with the bubbles and swiped some on his hand. He laughed and we both fell into a comfortable, sleepy silence.

He grabbed the stack of soft towels he put out earlier and ran them to the dryer. He came back as quickly as he left and went back to kneeling next to me.

"Alright," he said, reaching for the different bottles. "Time to start washing."

He grabbed a cup, filled it, and began wetting my hair with the water. He filled the palm of his hand with some shampoo and gently lathered and massaged it through my scalp. He smiled and kissed my forehead. He tilted my head back and poured the warm water over my hair to rinse, continuing to massage in between pours.

He cleaned my hair completely of suds and oil and went to work on conditioning. He gently combed the conditioner through and worked it into my hair before rinsing throroughly. Rikiya then grabbed a wash rag and rubbed some moisturizing body wash into it. He rubbed my arms and legs and back, and continued washing me to his standard of cleanliness.

I continued to play with the bubbles and talk to Rikiya as the water cooled down from how long the bath had been.

"You're spoiling me, Rikiya," I said, petting his hair and caressing his cheek and neck.

"Well, that makes two of us, then. I feel so spoiled just being around you." He smiled and lifted the drain plug. I smiled and yawned. "Let's get you dried off and in some warm pajamas, okay?

"Okay."

After he dried me off with a warm towel and pulled on my pajamas, he guided me along and walked me to bed, which has been made, and complete with a cup of chamomile tea and heating pad waiting for me. He picked me up and gently laid me down. He pulled the fluffy blankets over me, tucked me in, and kissed my forehead.

Rikiya turned on the lamp and turned the bedroom lights off. He tugged off his undershirt and gently climbed into bed by my side. "I love you so much darling. You are my world."

"I love you too, Rikiya."

#rikiya yotsubashi #redestro x reader #redestro #youstubashi rikiya #re-destro #re-destro x reader #mha redestro #bnha redestro

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cayofdreams · 4 years

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A Succubus’ Dilemma

Summary: Succubus!Reader is struggling with her identity as she gets closer to Kirishima. She wants to continue being the diligent, strong-willed hero that he praises her for being but the presence of Eijirou Kirishima is making that unbearably difficult. She just can't pretend to be quirkless anymore…

Words: 4.5k

Rating: 🌊 Explicit, Smut

Warnings: cursing, virginity (but there’s no explicit mention of it), oral (receiving), aphrodisiac, heavy overstimulation, a bit of corruption, kinda dark ending?

Notes: ~Welcome to another steamy piece from your favorite island resort~

This one is pretty straight-forward. I feel like I kicked up the smut on this one. Also, I based the ending off one of the endings of one of my favorite yaoi visual novels :-)

You were lying down on Kirishima’s bed, deeply engrossed in the romantic scene transpiring on your phone’s screen. You had decided to entertain yourself with an episode from your favorite show while your best friend was in the shower.

‘I love you, Jake. But…I just want to wait before we get intimate. I’m just not ready, right now’

‘Of course, Kathrine! I’ll wait however long it takes! You’re so much more to me than a warm body!’

‘You say that…but what if I choose to stay celibate forever?’

‘Then you can live with the confidence that I, Jake Petersmith, have wholeheartedly loved you for the wonderful human that you are!

‘Oh, Jake!

‘Kathrine!’

You were tearing up at the cheesy displays of affection since you were a sucker for all things romantic. You loved how characters seemed to have an undying love for one another. Often, you fantasized about sharing that kind of ethereal love with someone yourself. How it would be to run together through a field of sunflowers, or skip hand-in-hand on the sandy surfaces of the beach, or even make couple pranksters YouTube videos that were so obviously not faked.

But that kind of future won’t happen for you. It can’t. Not in the gross body you were in. Surely you were easy on the eyes, but what lurked inside was a demon that constantly bewitched your thoughts. Making you see people around you as simply meat sticks and sticky caverns to be engorged in.

Simply put, you were a succubus. Or at least had a succubus-like quirk. You never told anyone though, only being known to your parents. You tried so hard to reign in these feelings on a daily basis while pretending to be quirkless. But it was becoming increasingly difficult as you got older and as you hung around the likes of…Kirishima.

Oh Kirishima. He was such a beautiful human on the inside and out. Always praising and encouraging you. Being there for you when it seemed you were at your worst low points, and then being there to pick you up and trophy you around when you succeeded at doing even just the bare minimum. You wished you could return even half the happiness to him that he gave you throughout your days at U.A. You wanted to do all the romantic things you saw in movies and books with him. Kirishima was just such a sunshine in your life and you wanted him to continue warming you for the rest of it.

There was a time where 90% of your thoughts toward him were like this…and then as time went on, they became more savagely. Where all you wanted was for him to sink those sharp teeth in your flesh, ravaging your body with a cock that could probably barely even fit inside you, holding you within those arms- those beautifully muscular arms that glistened provocatively with sweat when he trained. You wanted him. Needed him. Please desire me, Eijirou.

You were about to slip your hands down your underwear when you heard the creak of the door open.

“L/N!! Did you miss me?! I’m back!” Kirishima bursted through the door with that wide grin you loved so much.

Of course, I freaking missed you, Eijirou. You were only gone for 11 minutes, 35 seconds, and 23 milliseconds. But I missed every moment.

You covered up your lust with a chuckle. “You weren’t even gone that long.”

“Aww don’t say that!! I missed you, you know.” He teased at you.

Don’t tempt me, baby

“Haha, whatever, Kiri…” You sat up as Kirishima slumped down on the floor next to his coffee table and pulled out his laptop. “So what are we watching, tonight?”

“Hmm…not sure! What do you wanna watch, L/N?” He turned his head to smile back at you. He was so cute. So gorgeous. And your erotic thoughts seemed to be running rampant right now. Especially at the fact that the two of you would be huddled up alone together for who knows however long a movie marathon is. You had to find a way to quickly rid yourself of these thoughts.

“Mmm, let me look up some! Hold on.” A blatant lie. You were going to google get-dry-quick schemes so you could enjoy the rest of the night safely with Kirishima. It was the least he deserved after training so hard today.

HOW TO NOT BE HORNY??!!1!

You analyzed your search results before clicking on a forum where someone seemed to be going through the same dilemma as you.

‘Hello, my name is [redacted] and I’m horny all the time ☹. I’ve lost so many boyfriends because of it and I truly want to find a husband, but it would be silly of me to expect them to drop everything to please me. How can I stop these feelings?’

Someone just like you! You weren’t alone in this cruel abyss. Perhaps she also had a succubus quirk!

Looking through the answers wasn’t much help for the most part. Most of the replies being trolls who asked where she was so they could “help” her. Even worse were the ones that chastised her for her feelings. Saying she was impure and needed to change her ways.

But your eyes were intrigued at the first comment that seemed to provide some kind of helpful information.

‘You might be a nymphomaniac. Have you tried talking with a professional?’

A nym- what? What was that? You opened another tab.

What is a nympomiac?

Too concerned with research to get the correct spelling, you saw articles for definitions of the auto-corrected word.

Nym∙pho∙ma∙ni∙ac

Noun: a woman with uncontrollable or excessive sexual desire

Gasping at the accuracy you divulged further.

How to not be a nymphomiakc?

A lot of the results for this returned with solutions that were too time-consuming. Prescribed medication, cognitive therapy, and even some evil medieval treatments that involved leeches.

But you needed something now. Why were all these long-winded answers so abundant?! Couldn’t they just give you something to do now? What the fuck would you have to do?? Shove an iceblock your pussy?? Should you go ask Todoroki for a favor??

You were in the middle of texting Todoroki when Kirishima pulled you out of your frenzy.

“You find anything, L/N?”

“Gyahh! What?!” You dropped your phone and looked at Kirishima like you were a deer caught in his headlights.

“Woah, you okay there?! Did I scare you? Maybe horror isn’t a good idea, then.” His worried face could send you to the grave. How could you let him worry about you like this?

“Ohh..no Kiri. I’m fine. We can just watch whatever you want.” You eased your breaths, desperately trying to sound normal.

“You sure?! Awesome! There’s this zombie flick I’ve been meaning to watch but I get kinda scared watching stuff like that alone.” He clicked around happily through some tabs on his browser. “I think if its with someone as courageous as you, I’ll be less scared.”

Was he trying to make you cry? Saying something so beautiful like that with a face like his. Shame on him, honestly.

“I’m gonna play it now, you ready?”

“Mmhm”

--------------------------------------------------

The movie so far was just as you hoped: grotesque, gory, horrifying, and most importantly, non-arousing. It helped that you stayed on the bed while Kirishima sat on the floor, so I guess that was cheating, but nonetheless necessary.

“You doin’ okay up there, L/N?” Kirishima checked up on you. You had probably been suspiciously quiet due to concentrating on waving away any little lewd thoughts.

“Oh yeah, what about you, Kiri?”

“W-Well! I was kinda thinking! That maybe uhh…I could possibly join you up there?” He scratched his head in nervousness at his slighty flirty suggestion.

Oh no

“Up where?”

“On the bed. Y-you know…with you?”

At this point you didn’t really know whether to praise or curse the gods above you. If there was one thing you could be sure to thank them for, it was the dark room that hid the flustering of your facial expression.

“I-Its your bed after all…”

“I know! I guess its just- heheh..nevermind! I’m hopping up!” Kirishima rugged his massive body on the bed next to you. Even taking some of the blanket you had so you’d be forced to share with him, he just softly smiled as he did so.

This was way too much for the hellion within you to handle. You could smell his strong scent from beside you. His breathing more pronounced in your ear drums. And its like you could feel his heartbeat within you. Pulsating inside you…

Things would take a turn for the worse when it seemed like a sweet romantic scene was about to show up. The two main leads were alone in a bunker and one of them had just revealed they were bitten.

“Samuel, Nooo!”

“Lilia! Listen to me! I need you to hear what I have to say.”

“We don’t have time, Samuel! We- We need to get you medicine. We have to! We have-“

“Stop, Lilia! There’s nothing that can save me now! You and I both know what happens from here.”

“Samuel…”

“Lilia… I want you to be the one who does it.”

“I can’t…Samuel..I can’t”

“You have to, Lilia. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“Don’t do this, Sam…”

“I love you, Lilia.”

“Oh Samuel! I’ll never be with anyone else! Ever!”

“Lilia…”

The words lingered in your head as the movie continued on.

‘I’ll never be with anyone else’

Was such an option available to you? Even if you did take away the innocence of your love, Kirishima Eijirou, who’s to know how your body would react? The best result would be that your body would finally be satisfied and you’d no longer have these perverse thoughts.

On the other hand, maybe you’d just sink further and further down. Drowning in the suffocating waters of lust. And then what? Kirishima can’t just drop everything to cater to your needs. No. He was going to be hero. An amazing one at that.

But Kirishima wasn’t just a hero, he was your best friend. You felt awful every time he would praise your strong-willed persona. Saying how amazing you were despite being quirkless. He’d even say you were more manly than him at times. It was like you were betraying him. You were betraying that innocent smile he wore for you everyday…you couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Kirishima.”

He looked back at you, surprised at your rare use of his name. Sensing something was wrong he paused the movie and turned his entire body to face yours.

“L/N, what’s wrong”

You were doing it again. Making him worry over you. But you couldn’t keep holding in this secret. You needed to tell him.

“I have to ask you something…”

“Please ask! I’m listening with all ears, L/N” He perked up at you. He looked just like a puppy, waiting for your every move like that.

“What do you think about…impulsive people?”

“Huh? Impulsive people?” He scratched his head at the question. “Well…I guess they’re entertaining to watch? Kind of like Bakugou. But I suppose being too impulsive is bad. You could get yourself or others in danger.”

Your head lowered at his statement, eyes closing shut. Of course he would say something like that. It’s only natural for humans to be mindful of their indulgences. They had to. It’s a part of social conformity after all.

Yet still, it hurt.

He noticed your displeasure in his answer.

“What’s wrong, L/N? Why did you ask that? You’re not impulsive at all!” He was trying to cheer you up, but it only dug the knife further into your chest. “You’re one of the most dignified, tough, and resilient people I know!”

Tears were starting to form in your eyes and before you could object him he continued.

“A-and that’s why…That’s why I love you, F/N. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

As much as you wanted to pull him close to you and pamper him with kisses, you needed to come clean. You shot up from the bed, your back faced towards him and your handing closing into a clenched fist.

“That can’t happen, Kirishima! It won’t work!”

Kirishima followed you by jumping up from the bed, grabbing you by the arms to get you to face him. “Why, F/N?! Why can’t it happen? Is there something wrong with me?! Please just tell me!”

“Nooo…nooo there’s nothing wrong with you, Kiri..” The waterworks flowed from your eyes and violent sobs escaped from you. You slumped down on your knees in sorrow. Kirishima joined you on the floor and tried to pull you into him, but you’d jerk your body away. “You know nothing about me, Kirishima…I’ve- I’ve lied to you.”

“What do you mean, F/N? What did you lie about? I’m sure its not that bad!”

“I’m not quirkless, Kiri…” A couple more sobs came out of you. “I-I’m a demon…a succubus. A filthy succubus! Just a filthy disgusting succubus!!”

Not being able to stand your self-hatred, he grabbed you by the jaw to force you to look at him. His blazingly crimson eyes met your beautifully wet e/c ones. “Stop that, F/N! You’re not disgusting! Or filthy! You could never be those things!”.

You gripped his wrist and pulled it harshly away from you. “What would you know?! You don’t know the things I deal with inside this wicked head of mine! I encompass the most obscene thoughts about people! About you! Every morning I think about how I’m going to seduce you and get you to desire me just as much as I do! Every training session I look at that beautifully sculpted body of yours and I mentally defile it! Thinking of you as nothing more than a walking, breathing dildo! I see you when you’re smiling with your friends and all I want to do is just steal you away make you mine forever! And every night, I cry at the lack of pleasure I’m getting. The lack of warmth that I only want YOU to give to me. The lack of feeling your hot, meaty cock inside me! It drives me insane, Eijirou! I hate having these thoughts! I hate them! I hate them! I ha-hmmph!”

Kirishima had suddenly kissed you, and you had returned it by ravaging your tongue around his. You didn’t care about the cuts you might receive from his teeth grazing against your delicate flesh. You could only be swallowed by the pleasures overtaking your mouth. You drowned in each other, but only briefly before you had placed your hands on his chest and pushed him away from you.

“What are you doing?! Didn’t you just hear what I said?” You struggled to catch your breath as you wiped away the remnants of his saliva from your face.

“Why didn’t you tell me this, F/N? Did you…did you not trust me? Did you not think of me as manly enough to handle this?” His hands gripped tightly at your shoulders, craving a reply from you.

“You know that’s not true, Kiri. You’re the best person to ever come into my life, and that’s why I had to withhold this secret from you. I didn’t want you to abandon me.”

“I could never aban-“

“But I also didn’t want you to get wrapped up in me. I want you to continue your goals of becoming a hero, Eijirou. Who knows what sanity you’ll be sacrificing by being with me. It’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”

“That isn’t your call to make.” Kirishima’s uncharacteristically cold reply created an atmosphere that overwhelmed you.

“What do you mean? Hiding my quirk was the best decision.”

“Did you really think about me?” Kirishima’s hands glided from your shoulders to your upper arms, still holding a tight grip. “Did you think about how I’d feel if I knew you were holding yourself back like that? What if you’re killing yourself and you don’t know it? I’m supposed to be a hero, F/N. Your hero.”

Before you could reply he had stood up and lifted you back on the bed. He layed you down and positioned himself between your legs, squeezing at your thighs. They were so soft, so delicate. All of you was soft and delicate. And nothing you had told him tonight would change the way he felt about you. There was nothing you could say or do to change his feelings for you. Nothing.

You tried to pry his hands away from the meat of your thighs, but you were admittedly weak from his confession and the thick, encompassing atmosphere that was Kirishima’s presence around you. “Kiri-“

“Eijirou. Call me Eijiirou.”

“…Eijirou. We can’t do this. It’s dangerous…”

“It’s dangerous if I do, its dangerous if you don’t. But I’m telling you right now, F/N, I’m not letting you continue to do this to yourself. Knowing that you’re hurting like this and not being able to do anything? Not doing anything to help the one I love? What kind of hero would I be?...What kind of man would I be?”

Kirishima then leaned down to capture your lips in another kiss. You tried to move your head away but he took one of his hands against your jaw to hold you in place. It felt so good. So fucking good. His lips, his tongue, his rough hands. You teared up just at the pleasure of it all.

He then took his other hand to lift up your shirt, revealing your bra that contained the softest bust that any man could ever lay his hand upon. And right now that man was him. And he’d make sure it’d always be him.

Letting go of your lips, he roughly caressed your breasts before completely pulling your shirt over your head. Faint thoughts of resistance would slip away as you lost yourself in the pleasure you’d been craving for so long.

Struggling to get your bra off, Kirishima impatiently ripped it himself, using a bit of his quirk in the process.

“Eiji…”

“Sshh, baby. I’m gonna take care of you so well.” He slipped off your shorts along with your underwear and threw them unmindfully on the floor. Gripping the flesh below your inner knee, he spread your legs wide enough to slightly sting.

Your pussy was overflowing with juices for him and he barely even touched you yet. He took a moment to relish in the view, taking in deep breaths to smell your intoxicating aroma. He was inexperienced at sex but he knew this erotic perfume you were exuding could only have been the work of your succubus traits. He leaned down to give an experimental lick, his tongue curling to make sure he could gather as much of your juices as he could. He let your flavor sit in his mouth as if trying to enjoy the last sip of water on a mission in the desert.

His lewd behaviors made an unbearable heat rise to your face and you cowered behind your hands. Irritated, Kirishima jerked your hands away and looked at you as if you just insulted his entire lineage.

“Don’t you dare cover up that beautiful face of yours.” He leaned his head back down, this time capturing all the folds of your pussy in his mouth. “I want to see every expression you make. Hear every seductive sound that leaves that your throat.” The vibrations of his voice on your pussy drove you crazy. The rapid moving of his tongue against your clit was immediately sending you to a heavenly dimension.

“Ohh Eiji…Eiji I’m gonna cum…”

“Cum for me, baby. I want it.”

Your orgasm was so intense you could’ve passed out, but you couldn’t. Not with Eijirou still licking all over your clit like that.

“Oh my god, Eiji! Eijiii” Your hands gripped at his spiky hair, tugging tightly trying to get him to have mercy on your sensitive bud. “F-ffuckk! I can’t, Eiji, I can’t!”

Still not letting up, he continued to overstimulate you with his relentless tongue. “I’m sorry, F/N.” He slurped up your juices before working his tongue again. “You taste so fucking good. Like the freshest fruit from a garden.” He rotated between drinking up your fluids and licking vigorously at your clit. “I can’t stop, baby. I need more. Just cum again, okay?”

And cum, you would. A second orgasm was on the horizon and the overstimulation of it was making you shed tears. “Eiji…I’m gonna cum again. Oh my fucking god, I’m gonna cum againnn- Hnngh!!“. Intense waves of pleasure rode over you. However, Kirishima was still lapping up at your folds. “Eijirouuuu!!!”. Your moans became more high-pitched and erratic as you were overstimulated now for the second time.

“Just one more time, baby. I promise”. “I swear I just-“ Slurp. “Never tasted-“ Slurrp. “Anything so fucking good before.”

You were left with no choice but to cave into your third orgasm and Kirishima seemed to show no mercy for you. “Fucckkk.” You sniffled through your sobs as your next high came quicker than the previous ones. Finally Kirishima had lifted his head from between your lips. He had the most animalistic and erotic face you could have ever dreamed of seeing.

“Damn, that was so good. You did so well for me, baby.” Kirishima gleamed with the shine that was your juices. He leaned down to entwine his tongue with yours. You could taste yourself on him and it made you delirious. You had just cum three times, but you wanted more. You needed more.

Kirishima felt the same way as you as he backed up to give himself space to take his shorts off. Cock now springing free, you could see the beast of a rod he had and it made your mouth water. You whined at just the thought of the pleasure you were about to become entranced by. He lined himself up at your sopping entrance, but before he could slip in, you lightly pressed on his chest to get his attention.

“Are you sure, Eijirou? You can stop right now if want. I won’t be mad at you at all. You’ve already done so much for me, tonight.”

His cheeks faded into a deep pink as he moved your hands to be at his shoulders.

“I want you, F/N”. He stuck the tip of his cock in you, grunting at the tightness of your entrance. “I fucking want you.”

You let out a guttural moan as he slowly stretched your pussy to fit his cock. You finally felt it. The warmth you’d been craving deep inside. The stingingly sweet pain of his cock stretching out your drenched pussy. You could die right now. Right here in the arms of the man you loved. And your ghost would be perfectly okay with it. But your flesh craved even more. You needed him to reach the deepest parts of you. You needed him to destroy your greedy pussy.

“Fuck me, Eijirou. I want you to fuck me like the greedy slut that I am!” You looked directly into his dazed eyes, whining at him to give you what you wanted. “Please, I want you so bad. Mark this pussy with that cock of yours. Make me unable to think about anyone else like this. C’mon, give it to me! ”

Too aroused by your begging, he silently obliged. Sinking the entirety of his cock inside you, he twitched at your pulsating walls. It was like your pussy was a breathing organ, sucking him in and tightening around him so he could never leave. And he wasn’t going to. He’d stay like this forever with you.

Not giving you time to get used to his size, Kirishima started thrusting brutally against your hips. You let out the sweetest moans as you littered his back with scratches. His thrusts becoming smoother and smoother as your pussy got used to him. His cock ferociously grazed against your g-spot as the tip teasingly nibbed at your cervix. The perfect mix of pleasure and pain, you felt your now fourth orgasm approaching. You let go of his shoulders to lay your head back deep in the cushions of his pillows.

“Eijirou, you’re gonna make me cum again! You’re gonna make me cum all over your cock-!”

“Oh fuck- me too, F/N”. The rhythm of his thrusts became more faltered as your walls inhumanely squeezed the life out of him. He looked at your cock-drunk face, pleased with his performance. “Where do you want it, baby?”

You raised your head to reestablish eye contact with him. “I want it inside! Cum inside me! I need your cum so bad, need to feel it in my-Hmmnghh!!” Your orgasm overtook your speaking as you groaned hysterically.

Kirishima not far behind you, quickened his pace to chase his own high. “Shit, F/N! I’m gonna cum inside you! Fucking take all of it, baby! Don’t let any seep out, okay?”

You moaned at the hotness of his seed spurting inside. It was so deep inside you and you wondered if it was either easier or more difficult to get pregnant as a succubus. Either way you wanted more and your walls clenched once again against Kirishima’s cock.

He grunted before leaning down to bury his face in your neck, once again starting to thrust inside you. He was overstimulated but your pussy was driving him crazy. Perhaps your juices were an aphrodisiac, making anyone a slave to the area between your thighs. He kissed along your jaw and brought his hand up against your throat. He didn’t squeeze tight, just enough to get your attention.

He rose his head up to get a good look at your face. You looked liked a corrupted angel beneath him. He couldn’t believe you withholded him from these pleasures for so long. Were you just gonna go fuck other guys? You were going to let other men taste what has been his all along? He needed to hear you say you belonged to him. He’d give up anything to hear your sweet voice tell him everything from your insides and out belonged to him.

“Tell me who you belong to, baby?”

You replied with no hesitation, willing to say and do anything to milk more of his cum inside you.

“You, Eijirou! I belong to you! My flesh, my womb, my guts! Everything belongs to you Eijirou!” You felt another orgasm filling up in your stomach. “Please don’t ever leave me, Eiji. I want you with me forever. “

Of course, this was something he had no qualms about doing. He was ready. He’d give up school, his goals, his life to please you at every waking moment. He’d keep you pumped full of his cum so you’d never think about anyone else. You wouldn’t even remember what it was like to live like you weren’t a succubus. You’d be happy like this. With him.

Because he was your hero.

#kirishima x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader smut #kirishima #kirishima eijirou #kirishima smut #kirishima eijirou smut #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha smut #bnha smut #my hero academia smut #boku no hero academia smut #i was supposed to just be doing drabbles #i just couldn't not make this dark #the vn is called room. no 9 #cayofdreams #cayfanfic

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renjuseyo · 3 years

Note

if ur requests are open can i pls request Jaehyun x male reader where the reader is so drunk that he forgot that his boyfriend(jaehyun) is his boyfriend. then he asks a member if he is taken and they said yes and that will make reader to silently be sad in the corner and jaehyun asks if readers ready to go home......... andddddddd ill leaveee the rest to u hehehehe (iloveurwriting so much)

tipsy ; jaehyun

group: nct

pairing: jung yoonoh / reader (male)

synopsis: both you and jaehyun knew how much of a lightweight you were, but when has that ever stopped you?

genre: fluff, crack

warnings: implied sexual content, explicit language

i lost inspiration for this, so i hope this mess of a fic is okay anon! as always, feedback is appreciated!!

when you peek through the peephole, you expect to see the delivery man holding the package you had ordered online. instead, you’re pleasantly surprised to see your boyfriend on the other side of the door, wrapped in a hoodie, mask, and tinted sunglasses. his disguise is pretty unnecessary given how your neighbors are mainly made up of old people who have never heard of nct, but it gets the job done.

once you’ve unhooked the chain bolt, you unlock the door and swing it open. he slightly jumps at the noise, but visibly softens when he sees you. “hey (name),” he greets, slipping off his mask and sunglasses.

“hey yourself. what are you doing here?” you ask. with how hectic his schedule has been after promotions with the nct 2020 project and working as an mc on inkigayo, you two hadn’t seen each other in weeks. though you missed him, you sympathized with the tireless hours he spent working as an idol. at least you preoccupied yourself with netflix.

he slips off his sneakers and enters your home, taking off the rest of his disguise. you close and lock the door behind you, trailing behind him. “i managed to squeak in some free time today, so i came to visit you,” he explains. he faces you with a smile, pulling you close. you subconsciously lean your head onto his shoulder, humming as he sways your bodies.

“i missed you,” you tell him, fingers ghosting his waist. he makes a noise of agreement, resting his chin on your head.

you eventually pull away, eliciting a grumble from jaehyun. contrary to popular belief, he was the clingy one of you two, always using the excuse of “you’re just the perfect size for cuddling.” “stop grumbling, jae. you’ve come so far, so it’s only fair i make you something to eat,” you tell him, making your way towards the kitchen.

he follows suit, hand grabbing at the hood of your hoodie. you stop in front of the refrigerator and open it, canvassing the food you have in there. as you debate what to make for lunch, he rests his chin on your shoulder and snakes both arms around your waist. you roll your eyes, though you don’t make any movements to pry his arms off. “i can always eat something else,” he smirks.

you realize too late the implications of his comment, absentmindedly sorting through the bags of vegetables in your fridge. “do you want takeout instead then? mrs. moon from two doors down said that there’s this really good pho house near here.”

he nuzzles into your shoulder. “i’d really like to eat you,” he says as nonchalantly as one can, considering his implications. you nearly drop a bag of spinach, spluttering incoherent words as you spin around to swat his shoulder. he laughs, loud and proud, a stark contrast from the quiet, polite laugh he’s practiced.

“you’re the worst,” you hiss, reluctantly closing the fridge. he pecks your cheek, eliciting a disgusted screech from you. he leans back with a laugh before attacking your face with kisses. you shut your eyes as you try to wiggle out of his grasp. but jaehyun’s been working out, evident from his arms, and he’s always had an intense grip. when he leans away, satisfied, you flick his forehead. with how clingy jaehyun’s being, making lunch isn’t an option anymore. “i hate you.”

jaehyun eventually relinquishes his attacks, threading his fingers with yours. “you’re usually not this clingy, jae. actually, now that i think about it, you don’t flirt all too much either, much less suggest sexual innuendos. what’s the occasion?” you ask as he walks you two to your living room. he doesn’t immediately respond, flopping down onto the couch and dragging you along with him. you land on his chest with an oomph, your cheek squished against his chest.

he combs his fingers through your hair, smiling as you make a noise of approval. “well, i wasn’t going to say anything before the news outlet, but...” his smile only widens when he sees you look up at him with curious eyes; he nearly coos at how innocent you look. “a certain idol you know might make his acting debut soon~”

your eyes widen, and you quickly prop yourself up with your elbows. “what! no way!” you exclaim, jaw hanging open. jaehyun laughs at your shell-shocked reaction, though it’s a given; when you were in a mood to vent, he would always take your hand and pepper your knuckles with butterfly kisses as you ranted about how he deserved better and shouldn’t only be seen as a visual, whining about how sm failed to show his talents as a singer and an actor. well, those days are over now, he supposes.

“yes way, love. are you excited?” he isn’t sure why he asked that question, considering how shell-shocked you already look. plus, the squeal that leaves your throat and the way you throw yourself onto him is answer enough already.

“do you even have to ask? you used to send me videos of you acting out different roles because you wanted to try acting, and you always did them so well! i’m really proud of you, jae. you deserve it.”

“i’m really glad you think so, (name). do you want to hear-”

“no!” you interrupt, slapping both of your palms on his mouth. he tilts his head in confusion, surprised by your sudden outburst. “knowing you, you’re going to accidentally tell me everything, and then i’m going to know the whole story line before the show even airs!”

he’s about to refute your claims, but he can’t really considering how you’ve layered both of your palms on his mouth. plus, judging by the look you give him, he’s certain he’s going to be eating his own words sooner or later. with a sigh, he peels your palms off. "you’re no fun. can i not even tell you the name and the basic plot?”

“i’m sorry for wanting to give you ratings,” you snort. “and no. then i’ll be waiting in anticipation and will force you to tell me everything, even if you tell me you can’t because i told you before not to say anything. you can’t even give me a drop of information.” well, jaehyun supposes that is true. you’ve always been enticed by television shows; he’s personally seen you react to cliffhangers a show gives before it ultimately gets cancelled. needless to say, it isn’t a pretty sight. “this calls for celebration! we can invite the boys too... do you want it to be extravagant, or are we keeping it low key?” you ask, sitting up and reaching for your phone.

“what happened to just you and me?” jaehyun asks, batting his eyelashes with feigned innocence. “i can think of a lot more fun things we can do.”

you don’t even bat an eye; unlike earlier, you were prepared for this kind of comment. “shoving my foot up your ass sounds really fun, but unfortunately that won’t get me any food. the boys probably already knew before i did, so you’ve probably already celebrated with them... i guess we can keep it simple.”

“i’d take your foot any day,” he fires back with a heavily exaggerated moan, to which you respond with a slap on the arm.

“i’m telling johnny to bring over beer.” you’re texting a group chat with you and the other 127 members. you’re only dating jaehyun, yet sometimes it feels like you’re dating all of them with how close you are. plus, gossiping with jungwoo about your boyfriend is always fun. with him being his roommate, you both often share similar struggles.

he rolls his eyes, stretching over to wrap his arms around your waist. he peers over your shoulder to look at your screen. “please, (name). you’re the lightest lightweight i’ve ever met. who are you telling to bring over drinks? you’re like a baby.”

“fuck you.”

“i think it’s the other way around, but i’d gladly let you order me around~” he flirts.

you shove a pillow in his face as you fire off a text.

after ordering pizza, tteokbokki, and fried chicken, your dinner is nearly complete. the boys were coming over soon, with johnny being in charge of drinks, jungwoo in charge of takeout, and donghyuck in charge of entertainment. you had a nintendo switch jaehyun had gifted you two years ago, and you intended on making full use of it tonight.

(plus, you have yet to beat yuta at super smash bros. today is going to be that day.)

you had finished clearing the table for the food before you notice jaehyun’s sleeping frame on the couch. you’re about to walk over and reprimand him for being unproductive, but seeing how tired and peaceful he looks stops you. instead, you grab a blanket from your room and drape it over him.

you’re about to walk away and grab water bottles for everyone when you feel something tugging your hand. craning your neck, you smile at jaehyun’s hooded eyes laced with sleep. “c’mere,” he murmurs.

water bottles can wait, then. you pat jaehyun’s side, and he scoots over to allow room for you. as you slot yourself in his arm, spreading a leg across his, he makes a noise of satisfaction, eyes fluttering close. “someone’s tired,” you observe, pushing the mop of black bangs obscuring his eyes. “did practice run late?”

he avoids your gaze. “no, i spent the night playing uno with johnny, ten, and mark,” he admits.

you laugh. “must have been intense. i bet you were so burnt out from uno,” you sympathize with sarcasm. “but in general, don’t overexert yourself, okay? i know you’ve been busy, but you need to remember to take care of yourself.”

jaehyun nods, but a yawn rips out of his chest. you give him a knowing look, one that reads what did i say? which causes him to laugh. “yes sir,” he lazily responds.

“as tired as you may be, don’t go falling asleep on me now. the others are going to be here soon. what would they think, the guest of honor asleep at his own party?” you chuckle, leaning down to press a chaste kiss on his forehead.

he beams at the gesture. “give me more kisses and i’ll think about it,” he coaxes.

usually you don’t give in to his bratty demands, but seeing how tired he is reminds you of the accomplishments he’s achieved in the past year. a kiss is the least you could down. you lean down, breath fanning his lips, and he closes his eyes in contentment.

a few seconds pass, but the kiss never comes. when jaehyun opens his eyes, he’s surprised to see you’re no longer by his side, instead standing by the door. “that’s one way of telling a guy to come and get it,” he sighs, sitting up. he wearily rubs his eyes, blurry eyes watching you.

“sorry jae, taeil-hyung just texted saying they’re here,” you apologize. he sighs, eventually standing up after a few moments of stretching.

just as you had said, knocks resonate throughout your home, signalling their arrival. you peek through the peephole to verify their identities and sure enough, all nine other members stand outside, arms loaded. you undo the chain lock and swing the door open, greeting everyone.

“thanks for having us,” taeyong smiles, stepping into your home. everyone else echoes his message, but it comes out mumbled, like they hadn’t thought of saying anything until taeyong. the power a leader has, you suppose.

“no problem. here, let me grab some of the food.” you scurry over to jungwoo and mark, whose arms were loaded with the takeout you ordered.

as you grab a box of pizza from mark, johnny slaps you on the back. you nearly lurch forward and drop the pizza; if you had, johnny would be first on your hit list. “so jaehyun finally told you?” he asks with a grin.

“thank god. he spent days talking about ways to tell you, knowing how excited you’d be,” sicheng snorts, slipping off his shoes.

you laugh, especially when you see jaehyun spluttering in embarrassment. “you could’ve fooled me. all he did was waltz in and drop the news after he nearly fell asleep. made me feel like a proud parent and everything.”

“you may feel like one now, but wait until you watch him act. just going to be lots of cringing and teasing,” doyoung sneers, elbowing his shoulder.

yuta rolls his eyes. “like you’re one to talk, mr. lead actor.”

your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. “lead actor?!” doyoung laughs, answering your question. “good for you, hyung!”

jaehyun narrows his eyes. “why do you look more amazed at his news than mine?!”

i’m not a lightweight, you told yourself. i can handle whatever yuta throws at me, you told yourself.

you were sorely mistaken.

jaehyun notices this too, seeing you sway in your seat. he chuckles at the sight; you were never able to hold your liquor, and when you got drunk, you were quite the spontaneous drinker to deal with. one time you had drank so much that you cried over cute things, like when sicheng showed you a picture of his dogs. or the one time you were a man on a mission, flirting with all of the members. needless to say, that led to a very interested jaemin and a very pouty jaehyun.

you had initially planned on just sticking to soda, but yuta had wanted to make things more interesting and challenged you to a game of super smash bros. each time the loser lost, they would have to down a can of beer. despite your inability to hold your liquor, it activated your competitive nature. but of course, yuta is crazy good at any games he suggests, completely demolishing you with lucina. no matter which character you chose, you were just no match against him.

after several fruitless attempts, you’re seated between taeil and sicheng, who seem way too interested in the tteokbokki to notice your behavior. everyone else seems occupied, too; johnny, yuta, jungwoo, and donghyuck are playing mario kart 8, taeyong and mark are immersed in yet another one of their deep, contemplative conversations, and doyoung’s watching the whole scene unfold, supervising everyone (probably to ensure nothing ends up in flames). on the other hand, jaehyun’s sitting on your sofa, alternating between watching the four men in front of your television screaming and you in your tipsy state. he decides to stick with the latter.

eventually you lift your eyes up and make eye contact with jaehyun, who responds with a wink. seeing you flush and look away has his chest swelling with giddiness; you’re just too cute sometimes. the table isn’t far from the sofa, so he can hear any conversation that goes on there. he watches as you take another sip of your can, eyes shifting back and forth from the television and to him. you stare at him for a bit longer, eyes canvassing his face, his posture, his thoughts.

it seems sicheng notices your staring, sitting back down and nudging your shoulder. “what’s so interesting that it’s gotten your attention?” he asks, purposefully raising his voice so jaehyun can hear.

you flush at how loud he is, lazily putting a finger to your lips. “shhh, i’m staring at the pretty boy there.” you point your chin towards jaehyun, who pretends to not see. you’ve never been subtle when you were drunk, but telling you that would just lead to you loudly slurring your arguments. “do you know if he’s dating anyone?”

jaehyun nearly spits out his beer. of all the times you’ve gotten drunk, you’ve never once forgotten that you were his boyfriend - if anything, you were all too eager to prove just how much you belonged to him. he’s not sure whether to feel startled or amused.

sicheng chooses the latter, a smirk forming. “yeah, he has a boyfriend,” he tells you. jaehyun hopes you’ll realize that you’re the boyfriend in question, but seeing how you deflate like a balloon, he guesses not. he questions how much you’ve had to drink.

you slide off of your chair, pouting. “of course a guy as attractive as him has a boyfriend. i’m not surprised,” you grumble, crossing your arms. jaehyun can’t help the amused smirk that makes its way on his face. watching you envy yourself for being his boyfriend is very amusing.

sicheng must feel the same, stifling his laughter. “don’t look so bitter, (name). his boyfriend’s a good guy.”

you pout, crossing your arms. “well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” you boast, standing up.

sicheng can only watch in amusement as you stagger towards the kitchen. if only you knew how strange that statement was. “if you’re so confident about that, then what are you doing? planning on hiding in the kitchen to wallow on your sorrows?” he teases.

“i’m not!” you protest. “i’m just going to get some water because i’m dizzy as fuck and possibly cry about how single i am.” you mumble the last part, though because sicheng has uncanny hearing, he probably heard, if the smirk on his lips is anything to go by.

jaehyun decides it’s time to intercept, because as amusing as things were, he hoped you weren’t actually going to cry about being single, especially since you had no reason to. he stops by the dining table where taeil and sicheng are. “so i heard you and (name) were talking about me.”

sicheng snorts, rolling his eyes. “just because we said pretty boys doesn’t mean we were talking about you.”

though unaware of the topic, taeil leans in, chewing on a mouthful of pizza. “yeah, for all we know, he could be talking about me!” he chirps. he’s met with an annoyed glare from sicheng (though both of them can see him stifling his laughter), which he responds with an air kiss. typical taeil.

“well, i’m going to check up on him. i’ll leave you two lovebirds alone for now,” he teases. taeil looks a little too happy at the joke, whereas sicheng threatens to stab him with a fork. it’s amusing watching their reactions, considering how everyone around them already knows that they’re dating. those two just haven’t admitted anything yet.

he follows you into the kitchen, though you don’t seem to notice, too busy pouring yourself a glass of cold water. “(name),” he greets.

you jump in surprise, nearly spilling water on yourself. when you turn to face jaehyun, your confident nature immediately disappears, quickly replaced with one of bashfulness. “you know me?” you ask, in awe of how said pretty boy could possibly recognize you.

if only you knew just how well he knew you, he thinks to himself. instead, he decides to play along; you’re obviously too drunk to realize how silly this seems. “i do,” he hums, patting your shoulder. he isn’t sure if your red cheeks are from the alcohol or him, though he hopes for the latter. he never gets less prideful when you get all shy because of him.

hoping to maintain the confident facade you had earlier, you quickly clear your throat, looking away. “how can i help you?” you ask, taking a sip of your water.

“well, i was hoping if we could talk in a more... private area?” he asks.

you nearly spit out your water, eyes the size of saucers. he has to stop himself from laughing, afraid the drunk you would get the wrong impression. “just to talk, that’s all. it’s kind of loud here, don’t you think?”

the screams from the living room (which are mainly from johnny and donghyuck and the occasional ones of distress from taeyong) and the volume of the television are evidence enough, so you nod in agreement. “yeah, sure.”

“perfect. let’s go then~” jaehyun laces your fingers together before you can say anything, and your ears are practically fuming with smoke. you’re too distracted by his touch to question how he knows where your bedroom is. when you both enter your room, he flops down on your bed, patting the empty spot beside him. at this, you gasp, scandalized and very flustered. he chuckles at how shy you’ve gotten, shaking his head. “my my (name), get your head out of the gutter. we’re not going to do anything... unless you want to,” he flirts.

jaehyun never tries to take advantage of you, especially when you’re not sober. but when the sober you would throw pillows (or anything that wouldn’t actually hurt him) at him for flirting with you, the drunk you would always fire back with equally flirty remarks, or the shy you would just splutter in embarrassment. he can’t help it, spewing sweet nothings to you - you’re just too fun to mess with for him to not to, especially when you’re drunk.

reluctantly you place your water on your bedside table and lower yourself beside him, heart thumping erratically. he chuckles at how timid you are, a stark contrast from the snarky (name) that he knows so well. he turns to face you, both of your faces only centimetres apart. the smell of alcohol lingers on both of you, though it isn’t as prominent on him as it is on you. he makes a mental note to ask yuta how much you’ve had.

you squeak at how close you two are, hands flying to cover your face. “you have a boyfriend,” you whisper. you’re undeniably flustered, but you would rather die than be known as a homewrecker!

his laugh startles you, even more so when he presses a hand to the small of your back. you look like you’ve committed a heinous crime, potentially causing an attractive man like jaehyun to cheat on his boyfriend. the statement is so abusrd though, considering how you’re the boyfriend in question. “i do, you are right. he won’t be mad at me, though,” he hums, leaning in so close your noses would touch if it weren’t for the makeshift barrier you’ve made from your hands. you flush red in embarrassment, hiding your eyes behind your hands. if you make eye contact with him, you’re sure you’re going to melt into a puddle.

“even if he didn’t mind, i don’t think we should be doing this. i know i wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend did this,” you whisper.

jaehyun sure is having a field day with this. you’re too flustered and worried to notice the pure look of adoration he’s giving you. “call it a hunch,” he says. “i promise you, he won’t be mad at this.”

“why?”

“you’ll find out tomorrow.” he pauses as a yawn rips out of his chest. “i’m really tired, so i’m going to sleep. the boys probably won’t quiet down on my account, anyways. you can always go back to them if you want, though,” he offers. a small part of him hopes for you to stay and cuddle with him, but judging how you’re so sure he has a boyfriend who would be absolutely devastated for literally sleeping with another man and how you have no knowledge of where you stand, he wouldn’t be surprised if you left.

what does surprise him, though, is when you stay rooted in your spot on the bed. “i’m tired, too,” you say.

jaehyun smiles so sweetly, the one that has his eyes dripping with honey, that your hands fly up to cover your face again. his boyfriend must be lucky to see that sight all of the time, you bitterly think to yourself. still, even if you’re not sure why he’s flirting with you or where you stand, you decide to savor every moment that you get to spend with him. even if you don’t really know who pretty boy is, he’s sweet and kind. plus, only a fool would cover their eyes when someone as beautiful as him lays before you.

he moves an arm to pat your thigh when he freezes in midair, remembering how he’s supposed to have a boyfriend to stay loyal to (even though he’s right in front of him). he retracts his arm and instead pulls your blanket to cover your lower bodies. “goodnight, (name),” he hums, shutting his eyes.

before jaehyun can begin the long process of trying to fall asleep, he feels you tug at his t-shirt. cracking an eye open, he sees you laying before him, staring at him with curious eyes and red cheeks. oh no, now he’s really tempted to kiss you. you’re impossibly adorable, seeing how vulnerable and curious you are. “yes?” he hums, trying to stay awake. the effects from last night’s uno matches have really begin to take a toll on him.

“i don’t think i’ve gotten the chance to ask, but may i know your name?” you ask.

jaehyun chuckles. he’s flirted with you and is even sleeping in the same bed as you, yet he’s forgotten the basic courtesy that is introductions. he didn’t think he would’ve needed it, considering how you’re his boyfriend. but then again, you’ve forgotten that you are his boyfriend. “my name’s yoonoh, but you can call me jaehyun or jae.”

no one actually calls him jae except for you. it’s a short and simple nickname that you have for him, nothing endearing. but because it’s something that only you call him, even though there isn’t a meaning to it, he’s grown fond of the way it sounds leaving your lips. which is why hearing it from anyone that isn’t you only leaves a weird taste on his tongue.

you’re so drunk you don’t even remember jaehyun, nor who he is to you, so it isn’t surprising that you stick with jaehyun instead. he doesn’t mind though, because he knows when you’re sober again he’ll hear you calling him jae and cuddling into him and doing all of the coupley things he wasn’t able to do tonight.

wow, jaehyun really is a lovesick fool. it’s only been one night of not being able to cuddle or kiss you, but he feels like he’s missed a whole eternity of them. he really isn’t sure how he’s lived before you came into his life.

for an hour, you pester jaehyun on how you two became acquainted and who you were to him. he indulged you, of course, purposefully skipping over the part of you becoming boyfriends and doing things that friends definitely didn’t do. his stories seem to be an effective way of getting you to sleep, because in the middle of a story of how a pair of swapped backpacks led to your relationship, you’re lulled to sleep, tired hands clutching onto his t-shirt.

he can only chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss on your nose. you’ll sure be in for a storm when you sober up tomorrow morning.

your jaw drops as you stare at the video on doyoung’s phone. it’s of you and sicheng, and right now you can only watch in horror as you pester him for information on the pretty boy you were so interested in last night. you have no recollection of last night’s events, though watching the video makes you glad you don’t. the problem is, the boys were there to witness them, even recording evidence of it on their phones. you’ve already seen pictures that johnny and taeyong have taken from when you and jaehyun were cuddling in your bed.

“please tell me that isn’t me,” you whisper, utterly mortified.

mark pats your shoulder in sympathy. “that’s you, all right.”

at his confirmation, you groan, burying your face in your hands. doyoung and donghyuck are cackling at your demise, with sicheng reciting your complaints word from word to a very amused johnny and yuta.

“...and then he was like well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” sicheng mimics, purposefully raising his voice an octave higher as he mocks you. out of embarrassment, you reach for a pillow on your couch and fling it at him. unlike jaehyun, he’s very good at dodging, proven when he ducks. instead, the pillow smacks yuta square in the face. he throws it back at you with even more force.

you duck, the pillow smacking an unsuspecting jaehyun. he really is horrible at dodging things - how shameful. “what the hell was that for?” he splutters, picking it up from the floor.

you turn to face him, eyebrows furrowed with annoyance. “you watched me make an utter fool out of myself, and you didn’t once try to do anything about it?” you hiss.

jaehyun frowns in confusion until doyoung dangles his phone in front of his face. when he watches the video, his face eventually contorts to one of amusement. “oh, that.”

your face is red with embarrassment. “yeah, that! like seriously? where is your loyalty? do you not care about my well being? you know how vicious these monsters can be!” you whine, gesturing at the said nine monsters behind you.

he nonchalantly shrugs, though you can see the corners of his lips threatening to curl into a smirk. “i do, but you were just too cute, seeing you all flustered. what about my own well being, huh? seeing you like that isn’t good for my heart,” he coos.

your heart leaps, but you mask it by smothering his face with a pillow. “you’re the worst,” you grumble.

“you act like you don’t like it, but i know you do~” he retaliates, albeit muffled from the pillow.

behind you two stands nine other boys, obviously unimpressed. watching you two engage in petty banter is always amusing, but not when it makes you flustered and encourages jaehyun to flirt with you like the cheesy, lovesick fool he is. “they’re so gross,” donghyuck gags.

johnny nods in agreement. “let’s get out of here before they start fucking on the counter.”

at johnny’s comment, you turn away from jaehyun so fast you swear you hear your neck crack. “do you have no filter?!” you shriek, exasperated.

with your guard down, jaehyun takes this as a chance to wrap his arms around your waist. a noise of surprise leaves your throat as he places his chin on your shoulder. “you’re so mean, (name). i liked the shy you a lot better~” he hums.

the other boys don’t even blink. “we’re going to leave now before things get bloody. good luck, (name),” taeyong says, saluting you.

jaehyun’s already tugging at the hem of your shirt and peppering your neck with kisses by the time the boys leave.

#nct #nct 127 #nct u #kpop #nct x reader #nct x male reader #nct 127 x reader #nct 127 x male reader #jaehyun #jung yoonoh #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x male reader #renjuseyo : nct #renjuseyo : fics

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king-paimon · 3 years

Text

HnK Chapter 95 Thoughts: The cruelest chapter of all times

AKA: The chapter everyone hated

AKA: No happy ending in sight

AKA: Haruko Ichikawa is a monster

AKA: I called it again (and I wish I was wrong)

AKA: Talk about kicking someone while they’re down

Ms. Haruko Ichikawa. You’ve truly done it. You truly are a cruel, sadistic, trolling monster. You leave us with this chapter? This chapter that truly shows us that despite every hardship they faced, Phos gets nothing. This chapter shows that Phos was destined to be in constant misery, and to rub that in with literally everyone else is free and happy? And to add more salt to the wound, you’re leaving us on an hiatus for who knows how long??

This is without a doubt the cruelest chapter to leave us on and this is probably one of the cruelest things a mangaka can ever do for a series as intense as this. I wish the previous chapter was the last one for the end of this year because at least with that one, it would have given us some sense of something.

Man. I’m both horrified and amazed by you, Ms. Ichikawa. I’m not even being sarcastic, I’m truly in awe.

Ugh.

As you can see, I have several things I have to say about this and... Just wow. This chapter. In these posts, I try my best to try and write my thoughts with the most rational mindset but... I don’t know how well I’ll be able to do that with this chapter. What a way to end this horrible year.

But with this chapter’s ending and the implication for what is yet to come... this marks as the story’s descend to it’s bitter end, and I now wish I didn’t make that prediction last month.

I know I said in another post that I was going to write this in a few days, but I changed my mind. I’m getting this out now while my thoughts are still fresh in my mind. Please don’t mind the writing errors, I’m very tired, I’m writing this at 3 in the morning and I need to sleep. I promise I will come back to this and tidy it up later.

Anyways, here we go:

Haruko Ichikawa: Manipulator of emotions

Ms. Ichikawa really toyed with us with this chapter. So many things happened in such a short amount of time and I’m trying to process it. Also, doesn’t feel like too much happened in this chapter? Especially in comparison to the previous chapters, where everything was stretched out, to then have this chapter have so many things happen all at once. This chapter, in many ways, feels very rushed... and this style of story telling has me very worried about what’ll happen from here on out. I’ll talk more about what I mean by this later, but for now, let’s focus on the story of this chapter:

So... Antarctictite is back now. Adamant is back, too. So are most of destroyed gems, both the ones we knew and the ones we never got meet. And they are all now Lunarians... Hm.

I don’t like this or anything in this chapter for many reasons. In fact, I’ll go as far to say that I don’t like where the whole story is headed for these same reasons:

The first reason: The emotional turmoil from the previous chapters

For the past 10 or so chapters, I’d been anticipating the destruction of the gems and Adamant. I was one of the people who didn’t like the idea of it happening, though I knew they kind of deserve it. And I remember how sad I was seeing Adamant turn to nothing but dust and seeing how everything was affecting Phos after the bloodlust ceased.

But it all led up to...this. In the very next chapter, after watching those heart wrenching scenes of the gems being broken down and Adamant’s last moments with Phos...we see him and the other gems being brought back like it was nothing. And on top of that, they are totally happy Lunarians now. Yeah. Okay.

So it feels like the emotional tole that I felt for these characters I didn’t want to see get destroyed...meant nothing. Not going to lie: I kind of wish you all stayed destroyed.

And you know what? It’s kind of funny. In my Chapter 94 post, I said I was sad that we didn’t get to see Adamant and Aechmea interact and I didn’t think there would be a way now that Adamant is dust. Well. I was wrong. It happened. I got the interaction that wanted. Wasn’t worth it.

So to sum up this first reason: The emotional turmoil that I personally experienced watching the characters I like get destroyed... meant nothing in the end.

Now I don’t know how to feel about these characters. It sucks. I even had a post that I was starting write about on a certain controversial character that I couldn’t bring myself to hate, despite everything, but I’m now debating whether or not I should still write it. I think I will, but there will be a lot of edits.

The second reason: Negation of personal growth

One of the things that has been brought up many times by fans is about how the gems dealt with problems. Instead of trying to address the problem and talk to try to fix it, they chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug, no matter how upsetting it is to the characters involved. All of the gems, both Earth and Moon, constantly choose to not confront the issue and stay blissfully ignorant.

And now that they’re accepting to be Lunarians, it feels like they’re just running away again. Instead of confronting the Lunarians or having the gems properly talking with each other about how things got to the point where they had to once fight each other, they are like: Oh, we can be Lunarians so we don’t have to fight with them anymore? Awesome. Let’s do it.

Everyone is once again going with the flow, just sweeping the glaring issues that they all carried for so long, and are just accepting the new reality that they are in with no problems whatsoever. No addressing of anything means no character growth for all of them. No one grew from this experience. No one learned that ignoring the problems doesn’t solve them. They aren’t solving their previous issues, they are masking it under the belief that becoming Lunarian automatically solves all of their problems.

No talking between Diamond or Bort. No talking with Yellow about their traumas or any of the other gems in the same boat. And no talking about how everything that happened lead to Phos doing what they did. It’s even more disappointing how Antarcticite was the only one who showed any concern about Phos or even thought to bring them up in the first place.

Edit: Also to add, the other problem here is how the are conscious choosing to remove your identity. They are not only choosing to loose their identity as gems, but they are fine loosing their memories as well. Not to mention how Cairngorm is once again being given a new identity to go by, from Aechmea, and is totally fine with it. That scene was small but once again, the fact that they are fine pretty much erasing what made them who they are is...unnerving.

So pretty much to sum up this: Once again, everything meant nothing in the end.

Speaking of Phos...

The third reason: Phos’s miserable fate

Phos, once again, got the short end of the stick. After everything that they’ve done, from trying to save everyone but themselves, to doing what was once seen as cruel for the sake of everyone to finally do something for themselves to go back to wanting to save the others after the bloodlust was gone... to get this ending for themselves.

But wow, what a cruel twist: Phos’s old goal was fulfilled. Thanks to them, the gems don’t have to live in fear of being destroyed or taken or anything. Thanks to Phos, everyone is free. Everyone now is going to be happy for the rest of their existance...at the cost of Phos’s expense.

Phos lost everything.

Their body.

Their sanity.

Their identity.

Everything.

What do they get in return?

10,000 years of nothing but their own miserable existence and dark, depressing thoughts.

In the end, everything that Phos experienced not only sent them crashing down to rock bottom: it sent him to the chore of the earth, back out the other side, then back into the earth, in an endless cycle of just constant misery.

That’s a theme in buddhism, if that’s what I’m recalling right from @rinboz‘s posts: a cycle of continuous misery. That is clearly embodied here through Phos and Phos will continue to suffer the pain of existing while everyone else got what they wanted in the end, especially Aechmea.

Speaking of which, I also genuinely want to know if there’s still fans out there who view Aechmea as a good guy for ‘liberating’ Phos, because as far as I see, thanks to him, Phos is now stuck in an even more miserable form of existence. At least before everything, everyone was miserable together with Phos. Sort of. Still better than what we got with this chapter, in my opinion. (Please do share your thoughts, if you do. I promise, this is not an attack. I’m just interested to hear your thoughts, if you’re willing to share)

But now, there’s no there for Phos. And unlike those other instances where Phos was in a situation and someone somewhat saves them like Adamant and Padparadscha once did before, there’s no one there. So unless there’s some Admirabilis hiding around there or if the Gem/lunarians decide to come to them, which I doubt will happen, there’s no one for Phos. No one is coming to help/save them.

Phos will have to suffer all alone. For 10,000 years. Phos is the last existing gem being now...even though technically, they aren’t really a gem anymore.

Once again, to sum up why I don’t like this chapter nor how the story has progressed: Phos’s suffering meant nothing to them in the end. That’s the other theme I’m trying to hammer in in this post: Everything meant nothing in the end.

I’ve already seen a few fans react to the chapter and I saw one state that if the Lunarians, including the gems, were to come to Phos to pray for them, the poster hopes Phos tells them to “F* off” And you know what, I hope so too. But this revelation has me fearing for what’s going to happen the series, or more specifically, how and when it’ll officially end.

No true happy ending in sight and not exactly for the reasons you think

As always, it’s hard to predict how Ms. Ichikawa is going to end this series. Us fans made many predictions and a good number of them came true, but it’s the ending that eludes us. Some hope for a happy ending for Phos, while many, including myself, predict that it’ll be anything but happy. And now, with this chapter...I think it’s set in stone now.

Last month, in response to someone asking me how I think the series might end, I made a few small predictions. Some for a good ending, a bittersweet ending, and a bad ending....

...and it looks like that first sad ending is where the series is heading after all:

Everyone is gone/moved on and Phos stays behind as a lonely, immortal being.

Even though this small prediction was correct, how it’s all playing out was not exactly how I’d envisioned. It’s worse. And what’s making me even more worried is that based off of where the story is headed, my gut feelings are saying that the series ending is near. And it won’t be to anyone’s satisfaction.

Whenever I get invested in a series, other than worrying about how the creators will handle their characters and story, one of my biggest worries is about how the creators handle their ending. I’m truly afraid about what Ms. Ichikawa is planning for this series because I can’t help but fear it’s not going to end well. It’s not the worry that the series will have a sad/bittersweet ending, even though that concern is still there though I’ve accepted the likelihood, but rather I’m worried that the next chapter or so will be the abrupt end to this series. This concern is because of how rushed this chapter felt and I can’t help but worry that Ms. Ichikawa is now rushing to the end of the story. And to be honest, the addition fact that Ms. Ichikawa is going on hiatus is not helping these uneasy feelings.

I hate being the pessimistic one but what if this happens? What if Ms. Ichikawa decides to end the series here or in the next chapter? What if the next chapter is literally another time skip, with all of the characters that I once cared about just NOT progressing, and Phos continuously being stuck in this immortal and we’re expected to accept this as the ending. Because other than Phos, everyone’s story, from what it looks like, is at their end now. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’ve seen great series end so terribly too often and I’ve loved this story for so long that I hope that doesn’t happen with this series too. I love this series a lot and it’s characters, even the ones who I don’t think I like as much as I did after this chapter. I hope the series will end nicely... but I don’t think it will.

Back to predictions on how the story will progress: I made a post a few days ago about how I hope the forgotten plot elements will come into play and the fact that Aechmea isn’t omnipresent. More than ever, part of me hopes those elements will come back and have a positive impact for Phos’s story, especially the omnipresent part. But again, I don’t think I’ll hope too much for it because looking at Ms. Ichikawa’s past works... I don’t think they will, at least not in the way I’m hoping for.

Maybe I’m too used to Western (American/European) stories, where the protagonist somehow beats the odds and wins in the end. This isn’t always the case for Eastern stories, especially stories from Japan. They usually end bittersweet and I don’t think Houseki no Kuni will be the exception. I know I’ve said this saying many times before and with each passing chapter, these words become more and more true:

Phos’s suffering is never going to end.

And unless someone does something to change the course of the story, which I don’t think will ever happen now, Phos is never going to have a happy ending.

If I could wish for anything, it’d be that this story ends on a satisfying note. I know, I know. It’s foolish to still hope for that it’ll happen, given everything I’ve seen from Ms. Ichikawa before...But still. I don’t want to lose all of the hope that I have left for this series. Even though that hope is nearly diminished, it’s still there.

So please, Ms. Ichikawa. Please give us a satisfying ending for Phos. Please let them go. If anyone deserves a dignifying conclusion to their story, it’s them. Let them rest. End their suffering. Please give them the ending they deserve after everything they went through.

You’ll likely won’t though.

Because this is Phos.

And to be Phos is to constantly suffer.

Well, regardless, I truly hope you’re hiatus goes well, Ms. Ichikawa. Even though you are a cruel troll, your work is still amazing and I applaud you for your story telling and your love to mess with us. I hope you enjoy your time away and when you return, I hope that you’ll continue to give us amazing content and eventually give Phos the ending they deserve. Please. That’s all I want.

I hope you all a nice holiday season, too, or at least try to.

Happy Holidays.

Can’t wait for 2020 to end.

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kaworusboy · 2 years

Text

Jadeuc as Cairnlapis for the Houseki Swap AU

a small oneshot :)

hey hey hey!! more swap au stuff yay

in today's oneshot we have:

jade as cairngorm

cinnabar as phos

and euclase as lapis

and eucinna as laphos

enjoy ^o^

Jade walked down the corridor with their hand running through their now short hair. They had just tried out a new hairstyle today, with Eu—Cinnabar's little suggestion of "Hey, did you know? You'd look way better with your hair tied up."

Aaaand that new hairstyle did not last long, when Jade's neat, long ponytail had been cut off thanks to a Lunarian's arrow while trying to protect the new Goshe and Morga.

"Man. It sucks. I miss my long hair."

They didn't really have anything else to do for the day, and they were pretty worn out. So, naturally, the green haired gem headed straight for their room.

"Well, Padpa did mention that there's only so many memories stored in hair. It's microscopic at best." They mumbled to themself as they kept their pace.

"...Although I did forget what grass meant."

On their way there, though, something caught their eye.

From the corner of Jade's eye, they could see a familiar figure standing in the infirmary.

Is it Padpa? No, the overworked doctor is probably taking their well deserved rest right now. It's already this late.

Jade slowly turned their head to see blue and silver hair, and a pair of scissors in the figure's hands, slowly, carefully, cutting their hair and trimming it down.

"Euc—"

Jade's sudden slip of the tongue caught the figure's attention.

"...C-Cinnabar...? What are you doing this late in the night?"

It felt strange. It almost felt like looking at a dream.

It almost felt as if Euclase had come back to life.

"Oh, hey Jade~" Eu- Cinnabar sang, but their voice was kept low, not wanting to wake up the other gems.

They paused for a moment. Seeing Jade's stare at the scissors in their hands, Cinnabar tilted their head to the side. "Oh, this? I was just trying out a new hairstyle."

Part of Jade wanted to scream. Part of them wanted to smack the scissors out of Eucla- Cinnabar's hands and tell them to not touch anymore of their beloved Euc with their dirty, mercury covered hands.

But part of them was happy that Euclase was back.

Even if that meant they had to keep lying to themself.

"By the way, your new hairstyle looks great." Cinnabar pointed out.

Closing their eyes, Jade knows they just have to use their imagination.

"Thanks. You too."

They resisted the urge to add Euclase at the end.

#houseki no kuni #hnk swap au #hnk jade #hnk euclase #hnk cinnabar

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squeeneyart · 3 years

Text

Breathe in the Salt - Chapter 19

AO3

Beta reader is @thesnadger!

Social interaction has its pros and cons.

Martin considers a way to pass the time.

Technically, there was no call that night.

Martin had had months to familiarize himself with the strange predawn that added a little color to the sky each morning. His home was on the western coast, so of course he didn’t see much of it until he’d made the trek uphill. With some cloud cover and dense fog, though, the light would scatter and cast a cold blanket of grey light over his corner of the world.

Early on he found it sort of nice, seeing the world ‘wake up’. He’d even started to get up earlier than necessary, just to make himself some tea and look out the window for signs of birds or other creatures who made their lives at dawn and dusk. There were some lines of poetry about it somewhere in his notebook, something about the magic of a quiet morning in solitude.

He’d lasted about a week with that. Turned out his life was already quiet and full enough of contemplative solitude, and warm blankets were much better than cold kitchen tile against his feet.

It was during this little sliver of morning when his mobile, vibrating against the wood of his bedside table, dragged him back to consciousness.

“No…” he groaned, nuzzling into his pillow. It could only be one person. “Don’t make me come in early. Don’t make me come in early, you prick-”

He reached over (god it was cold) and grabbed the offending object, keeping as much of himself under the blankets as possible and slipping the mobile back under with him. The screen was bright and painful in his cozy darkness. His eyes adjusted, and on his lockscreen the time read 4:06 a.m.

Before he could convince himself to let the damned thing ring itself out, he glanced at the caller ID. If anything it should’ve given him even more reason to let the call go, but Martin’s finger was already pressing the answer button.

Attempting to whisper, his voice came out rough and croaky. “Jon?”

“Martin. Glad you’re still up,” Jon said in that distant way of someone paying attention to another task entirely. Keyboard clicks could be heard in the background. “How are you doing?”

Still up? Bleary and confused, Martin replied as if he’d just run into Jon at the store, “Fine, I guess? How are you?”

“I’ve successfully whittled down my assignments enough to have personal research opportunities.” There was a weary but nevertheless triumphant edge to his words. “If this is some sort of test of my abilities, I’d say I deserve a raise.”

“Impressive,” Martin yawned. “Does that mean anything for me, or…”

“No, not yet.” He could feel Jon deflate on the other end. “I’ve only just started looking, and Elias is still acting rather blasé about what we found. I hadn’t pegged him as the type to put business relations over the mission statement, but if that’s the case then-”

“Why send you out here?”

“Precisely.” Jon clicked his tongue. “So I’m going to pry in that direction while digging through old reports. I assume the others will do the same once they’re caught up.”

Well, progress was as good as anything to wake up to. He reluctantly pulled the blankets from over his head and peeked out at his window. The frost was just visible at the edges, its frigid hands creeping across the glass. Perhaps a little while longer under the covers.

“Anyway, I’m glad I caught you,” Jon continued, filling the space Martin had left empty. The keyboard taps had ceased. “I’d decided to give you some breathing room, but you were quiet during the call with everyone and I thought- well, I wanted to make sure you were okay. As much as can be expected.”

A small, halfhearted smile found its way onto Martin’s face. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“So… are you okay? I know you said you were, but it sounded like you were being polite.”

Martin looked up at his ceiling. “I mean I was being polite, but… Yeah, I’m okay. As much as can be expected, like you said, but okay.”

“Hm.”

“Hm?”

“What? Nothing, it’s good. I’m gl- I’m happy that you’re… doing okay.” Midway between this thought, Jon seemed to switch the mobile from one ear to the other. “If you aren’t, I just hope you know that you can tell me if something is going on. Sometimes there are emotional aspects that contribute to an event-”

As Jon spoke at length, Martin noticed a distinct tumbling feel in the way Jon spoke, like his thoughts were coming faster than his mouth could follow. Not alcohol, surely? No, a different idea had been bothering Martin since Jon had first called.

“-can’t speak for Tim or Sasha about hours, and if you’d rather just talk one-on-one, I’m sure-”

“Right, hours. Jon, I don’t mean to pry, but have you slept at all?”

The stream of consciousness halted in its tracks. “What?”

“You seem a bit… out of it? Have you checked the time recently?”

A moment passed. Then another. Then- “That can’t be right.”

Weakly, Martin replied, “Good morning to you, too.”

“I-” Jon began. He then made a small, irritated noise. “I woke you up.”

Martin ran a hand over his face and pressed it to his upturned mouth. Into it he mumbled, “You really need to sleep.”

As if the hours had finally come crashing down upon him, Jon’s voice dropped low and soft and properly tired. “I could’ve sworn it was earlier.”

“I mean, in a sense-”

“You know what I mean.” A yawn finally broke through, but he fought it back down. “I hope it wasn’t too much earlier than your normal wake-up time?”

“Nah. You’ve seen how early my day starts. Besides, my alarm isn’t the most pleasant thing to wake up to, and you could’ve been Peter calling me in early.” It was like getting up to enjoy the morning, but he was still in bed and someone else was there (sort of). As far as he was concerned, the pros outweighed the cons.

“Then I’ll hold my apology for a later date, if you don’t mind.” He spoke bluntly, but possibly in a way that was meant to be funny. Martin was still working out when Jon was being blunt in a rude way or in a friendly way, and his gut pushed him toward the latter. “I also won’t apologize for my work ethic. I work better at night, without distractions or other people.”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Martin asked, “Okay, I can play along with that, but when do you sleep?”

“We have a cot.”

Martin scoffed. “What, at work?” An image of the three researchers finding different corners in some dark back room to snooze on company time was almost too much.

“Working after-hours is implied in the description of any academic job. If we didn’t steal some of the day back to sleep, we’d all have dropped dead by now.” For a moment his voice strained as if he was stretching, dipping into the background before returning to normal. “Though this past week has been a bit more extreme due to circumstances. I’m not always up until dawn, calling people in a stupor.”

“First time for everything?” Martin said helpfully, pushing down weakly against the rising guilt. “I know it’s a bad situation, but I’m sorry you all have to work so hard.”

“No need for that. I can choose to sacrifice a few nights for something important.”

Slowly, very slowly, Martin pressed his burning face into his pillow. Maybe it was too early for him after all, to handle anything approaching concern. The heat was surely enough to melt the ice right off the window. Ignoring the ridiculous reaction happening in his cheeks, he turned his face back upwards and mumbled, “Thanks.”

There was a small rustling of papers. With the same damned softness, Jon continued, “I’m sure Tim and Sasha would say the same.”

A quiet thing clung deep in Martin’s throat, and in his nose, and he imagined a version of himself from the night before, scared and powerless and ready to dump any and all his feelings on the first person who would speak with him. Would that have been something Jon was prepared for, if he’d called at a sensible hour? Or if Martin had called first? But it was nearly morning, and he was well rested, and eventually the thought fell away in his wakefulness.

Without a response to go on, Jon said, "I’m not going to be as… outwardly optimistic as before, but…”

“You’re making progress,” Martin finished, coughing lightly. “I know. I’ll be patient, and careful. It’s hard after the weird stuff we did last week, though.”

“I’d like to say it was all due to extreme circumstances, but we are just like this.”

“There go my hopes of you all getting proper rest when this is over.”

“S’not impossible, but terribly unlikely.”

Martin sighed, checking his screen clock again. Still some time left. “Is it safe to assume you won’t be sleeping at this point?”

“Won’t be long until I can go to the archives. I’ll wait until then and avoid being groggy on public transit.” A pause. “Also my last energy drink is still working.”

“Mm.” Letting his forearm fall across his eyes, Martin gave up that particular battle. “Anything new set off your ‘fake’ alarms recently?”

“You’re in luck. Just yesterday a man came in to tell me about his experience with ‘spy birds’ that even you can’t devil’s-advocate your way through.”

“I’ll be the judge.”

It was a tough sell, even for Martin whose own situation made a lot of things seem possible. Midway through he even began to resent the person for wasting time better spent solving Martin’s problems, but that was an emotional rabbit hole for another time. By the end he had to concede that it was more of a conspiracy than a supernatural encounter, if they were going to get into the semantics of it. Still, Jon made it easy to be contrarian.

“When we’re not busy with all this,” Jon said, accepting that Martin wasn’t yet ready to forgo the benefit of the doubt, “I’ll be happy to sit outside and film birds all day for the sake of science, but the man finds perfectly normal birds unsettling.”

With a silly kind of bullheadedness, Martin replied, “Plenty of seabirds around here. Maybe that’s what I’ll do while I wait for something to happen.”

Jon snorted. “I expect a full report by Monday.”

Before Martin could respond, his phone made an all too familiar and dreadful noise. He really should’ve picked a song or something, he thought as he dismissed his alarm. “Well, it’s that time.”

“Yes, I should be getting along with my morning as well. Good luck with your birdwatching,” he said with joking scorn.

“Have fun sleeping on the bus.”

“Ha ha. Goodbye, Martin.”

“Bye.”

Dropping his arm onto the bed, mobile in hand, Martin ignored the numbness in his fingers and considered how invested he was in writing a fake report about birds just to see the reaction it would get. Maybe he would text Tim about it.

The idea sat in the back of his mind as he got dressed, as he made breakfast, as he put on his shoes and coat and hat. When he opened the door to meet the cold that had settled in overnight, he couldn’t help but wince at the extra bit of sting the wind delivered, but he clung to his fanciful little idea all the way up the hills and through town.

Creative writing had never been his strong suit. It was debatable if poetry was, but he’d reached a point where it was more of a comforting activity than a skill. Still, as he got to work in the blessedly empty lighthouse, he thought of the little notebook he’d stashed into his bag. If it all came to nothing, he could end up with scraps of text to rearrange into poetry someday.

It was a mess of a book. Technically bound, it was still cheap with some pages starting to come loose from his handling. He’d long ago given up on the idea of a nice looking notebook, especially as it had become personal enough to count as horribly embarrassing. It was inevitable for any poetry notebook of his to become more akin to a scattered, flowery journal of sorts, and this one was no different.

It was also a step up from previous ones in that it wasn’t some spiral-bound school notebook he’d found in the discount section of the general store. No, he had found it in a bookstore discount section. The stiff cover even had sort of a nice texture before he’d beaten it up by shoving it into a drawer a million times.

The day crawled by with no interruptions, leaving Martin on edge. Peter hadn’t come by once. Perhaps he’d assumed Martin had had any boldness scared out of him, an aggravating thought. He had the will to act. He also had some amount of self preservation left in him, that was all.

By lunchtime he was itching to talk to anyone, but texting the others was off limits and it was so dreary outside that going out to eat was a non-starter. He supposed he could stop by the grocery store. He knew some of the people from when he’d worked there. Most of the ones he’d worked with had also left, but maybe…

No, that was a stupid idea. He wasn’t seeing anyone unless they came to him.

No one did.

So in his time off the clock, he stared at his little notebook and hoped his brain would think of anything to say.

The weather had taken a more miserable turn by the time he’d left work in the evening. He only saw a few birds struggling in the gales, none of them particularly watchful. If he had to guess, they didn’t care much about what anyone was doing. Not great material for a report, but maybe for a poem when the feeling hit.

The streets were largely empty as people avoided the high winds and mist that sprayed against Martin’s glasses, making it a challenge to see anything around him. He had half a mind to just stow them away, but there was going to be water in his eyes no matter what he chose to do. Just another little thing to make his day worse that he couldn’t change.

Part of him considered that the weather often matched his mood, but it wasn’t hard for bad weather to pair with sour thoughts. Nearly all weather was bad and nearly all moods were sour. Correlation, etcetera.

As much as he’d wanted to check his phone as soon as work was over, the others could wait until he’d stopped feeling so damned sorry for himself.

And he did feel awful, though there was no inciting incident. It had been a long, tedious day where the words wouldn’t flow, the world was grey, and any residual happiness from his conversation with Jon had been slowly eaten away by the loneliness of the present. Why was it so hard to hold onto those good things? A good start was supposed to make the day better, not make the rest of the day look worse.

It had to be everything at the lighthouse. He’d always been moody as a person, but the stress had to be getting to him. His head shouldn’t have been hurting from holding back tears when nothing had happened.

God, the squinting wasn’t helping, either. He knew where he was going, of course, but the streetlights were barely helping. The sky had decided to paint itself over everything, a dark, grey blob of water and concrete and fog. The walk down the hill was going to be a slippery pain, even in his grippy boots.

Had he passed by the florist? He probably should have by now, but the main road hadn’t ended yet.

And even when he got home, oh joy, it would be to sit at a table and eat with his mother, and based on her tastes she would love to stand outside in the misery of it all even though it would be terrible for her health. What was the point of trying when another person wouldn’t even listen-

He’d been walking for too long.

The road continued on, no longer heading into the surrounding trees but stretching itself past the point of impossibility. And at the end, in a place where it should not have been visible through the colorless mist, was a large, familiar house.

Ah, Martin thought. Someone had decided to talk to him today.

Looking behind him, the lighthouse was just barely visible. Looking to either side was a fool’s errand, as everything had been consumed by the grey.

He slipped the mobile phone out of his pocket and bent over to shield it from the rain. The screen lit up at his touch, but as expected any and all communication was blocked. Nevertheless, he opened the group chat and began to type.

Martin: i think simon wants to talk. everything is fog and i cant go anywhere else. hoping my phone makes it out so this makes it

He pressed send, then mustered up whatever hope he had and added:

Martin: talk to you soon

#tma #the magnus archives #breathe in the salt #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #sasha james #tim stoker #peter lukas #jonmartin #fanfic #au fanfic #selkie au

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dc41896 · 4 years

Text

Say Something

Pairing: Johnny “Human Torch” StormxBlack Reader

⚠️: Maybe a teensie tiny bit of angst, fluff

“Hey Sue, I got the study results for Reed but his office is locked. Could you hand them to him for me? I have to meet someone in a few minutes,” you ask, slightly losing your balance from the stack of papers against your chest paired with your platform wedge sandals.

“Yea sure, I’ll give it to him when he comes back,” she smiles taking the stack from you. “And might I add you look so cute!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, and where are you going?”

Of course the night wouldn’t be complete without you running into Johnny.

Not exactly a couple but also more than friends, you guys had been playing with that line for a while now and you were getting tired. With each goodnight text and playful second glance, you thought maybe you guys would soon make things official.

But in typical Johnny Storm fashion, he’d bring a new fling to the Baxter building trying to impress her with a tour and leave you heartbroken feeling like a clown. Being disappointed one too many times, you finally decided to stop waiting and move on with your life.

Yeah it hurt, but constantly feeling as if you were left on the sideline without even a second thought hurt you more.

Arms crossed as he leans against the doorframe with signature smirk on his face, he eyes you up and down making you roll your eyes.

“Nowhere you need to worry your little mind about,” you sarcastically smile. “Thanks Sue, I’ll see you later.”

Watching you walk past, he finds himself mesmerized by everything from your sweet perfume to the way your skin glowed against your floral off the shoulder dress. Then again when wasn’t he entranced by you? He knew he wasn’t the type to openly express it in some grand, romantic way, but at least once a day he couldn’t stop the smile he’d get seeing you writing some formula on the whiteboard and occasionally pushing your glasses higher on your nose as you discussed science with Reed.

Never had Johnny experienced such strong feelings for someone like this before, which scared him more than any villain could.

“Need me to get a bucket for your drool?,” Sue asks peeking over her glasses as Johnny rolls his eyes.

“Seriously though, where’s she going?”

“And why do you need to know? Is someone jealous?”

“No, I’m just...curious,” he shrugs walking up to stand in front of her desk.

“Yea sure,” she laughs going back to the computer screens in front of her. Hearing footsteps on the white tile floors, he turns to see Reed solely focused on the phone in his hands as he enters the lab and sparking an idea.

“Well I’m about to head out, do you want me to give this to Reed since it’s on my way? He just got back.”

“Sure if you want to, thanks,” she smiles as he picks up the stack walking out the door and leaving her with a smile.

“I hope Reed knows to keep quiet,” Sue whispers to herself shaking her head as she watches the two men interact.

“Hey Y/N left these for you. She would’ve given them to you herself but she was running late.”

“Oh thank you,” he smiles skimming through the first few pages.

“Big night for her huh?”

“Yea she’s been so excited for a while now. I hope everything goes well.”

“Me too. Oh that reminds me, she said she’d bring you back something as an apology for not being able to go through that, uh, stuff with you,” he adds leaning against the metal table behind him.

“That’s nice of her but Pho really isn’t a favorite of mine,” he answers still looking at the paper in his hands.

“So that’s where she went,” Johnny speaks under his breath, devious smile on his lips as Reed finally looks up from his work.

“Did you say something?”

“Oh no, I was just thinking out loud really. Hey I’m heading out for a while, maybe try to give that brain a rest yeah?”

Whistling as he enters the golden elevator, he twirls the keys to his red corvette around his index finger; for the first time in his life excited to get a bowl of Pho.

———

“No way that happened!,” you laughed along with your guest, hand covering your mouth as a drop of water fell from your closed eyes.

“Yep! I still have the scars to prove it.”

Since you both sat down, it seems that all either of you did after every story was laugh and joke around. At first, you kinda felt bad thinking you might be a disturbance because of the noise, but the more you talked the less you cared what others thought and just wanted to enjoy your time out with him.

Using your chopsticks to gather some of the contents in your bowl before placing it in your mouth, a looming figure overhead nearly makes you choke as soon as you hear his voice.

“Y/N?! What are the odds that we both meet here tonight!” Pulling up a chair, he sits at the table before sticking his hand out towards the stranger in front of you. “Johnny Storm.”

“Um Cole Jones, nice to meet you,” he hesitantly shakes his hand confusedly looking at you.

“I’m sorry Cole, Johnny is a friend from work.”

“Yea really close work friends,” he smiles looking at you.

“Mmm that’s a bit of a stretch, especially with how I’m feeling at this moment,” you reply through your forced smile trying not to make a scene. “What are you doing here?”

“Uhh...to get something to eat duh.”

“You don’t even like Pho.”

“Nonsense I eat it all the time!”

“Hi can I get anybody anything?,” the waitress smiles looking between the three of you.

“Yea can I get what she has?”

“But without mushrooms please?,” you add giving her his menu as she nods before leaving towards the back.

“Aww you remembered I’m allergic to mushrooms,” he cockily smiles leaning back in his chair with hand over his heart.

“Yes and you’re making me wish I hadn’t.”

“Do you guys need a minute or something? Because I can step outside,” Cole asks still confused on what exactly was going on to which you and Johnny both quickly replied no.

“Yea everything’s fine! And what about you guys? How long has uh this been going on?,” Johnny asks crossing his arms on the table.

“This isn’t a date,” you frustratedly sigh rubbing your temple and hoping a giant hole would open somewhere that he would have to go investigate.

“Woww that bad huh? Hey don’t feel bad bud it’s not your fault she’s been spoiled with higher quality.”

Kicking him under the table and making him yelp in pain, Cole scoots his chair back before standing and collecting his things.

“Okayyy you know what? Clearly you guys have some issues you need to work through so I’m gonna head to the bar to get the bill then head out. I’ll talk to you later love.”

“I’m so so sorry about this, I promise to make it up to you,” you whisper with an apologetic smile as you give him a hug. Directing a head nod in Johnny’s direction, he flashes a fake smile before rolling his eyes as soon as Cole was no longer in view.

“You know, for people who aren’t dating it’s strange to hear couple nicknames like that.”

“And for someone who shouldn’t be in my business here you are. Who told you where I was?”

“Hey it’s like I said I came here to eat, it’s highly coincidental we met,” he shrugs taking a bite of his food.

Not caring that you were in public, you grab his ear pulling him along as he continuously “ow’s” behind you.

“Um is everything ok?,” the waitress asks looking equal parts concerned and amused at the sight in front of her.

“Yea it’s fine, and thank you for everything the food was really good.”

“Uh..you’re welcome,” she replies as you walk out with your “plus one” and all eyes on the both of you.

“Jeez don’t rip it off!”

“How could you embarrass me like that?! Seriously what is wrong with you?!,” you shout, words echoing off the parking garage walls.

“Nothing! I told you-,”

“Don’t lie to me!”

Looking into your frustrated dark brown eyes, a long sigh escapes his pink lips while he leans against your car with arms crossed over his chest.

“Fine, I got jealous ok? The moment I walked in and saw you both laughing and having fun I wanted to stop it there I admitted it,” he explains making you laugh in disbelief.

“So you can go be with any woman you want without even a second thought, yet the moment I go out that’s when you apparently have some sort of feelings for me?! You really are that full of yourself.”

“Listen I know I-,”

“No don’t try to excuse your way out of this like you do everything else! Do you know how long I waited to finally be chosen by you to only continuously get pushed to the back?!” Eyes burning as angry tears forced their way down your face, you quickly knock away his hand trying to wipe them for you. “I’m not some toy you pick up when you want to play and put back when your done. Your other girls might’ve been okay with that, but I’m not.”

“You’re right.”

“....what?”

“I said you’re right,” he softly chuckles at your shocked reaction. “To string you along while still going out with other girls was wrong and I’m sorry.”

Shifting from one foot to the other, his hand runs over his head as he lets out a breath. “Y/N I’m in love with you, have been since we started hanging out really. But I know how I am and that you deserve someone so much better so that’s where the girls came in. It sounds dumb, but I figured you would see that too and then both of us would move on like it was nothing. Only no matter how much I tried all I wanted was you.”

“And no this isn’t me trying to make more excuses or soften you up with lines. I’m telling you where my head was and is and how instead of just telling you how I felt, I made things 10 times worse which definitely sounds like me.”

Silence falling over the both of you, you wipe your face getting out your last few sniffles before looking down at your feet.

“You’re right, you aren’t the best person for me,” you finally speak. “You’re reckless, have selfish tendencies, and honestly sometimes I wonder if you even have a brain.”

“Ouch, but I deserve that,” he replies looking away until he feels your cool hands on the sides of his face.

“But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you too.” Johnny’s icy blue eyes light up as he smiles hearing those words from your mouth. Taking your hands in his, he moves them to wrap around his abdomen while he embraces you, kissing your temple.

“That also doesn’t mean that you’re completely forgiven,” you add looking up at him. “Saying it is one thing, but you have to show me that you really want this Johnny because I swear if you play anymore games-,”

Unable to finish your sentence, you feel his soft lips crash onto yours while his thumbs gently graze your cheeks. Your heart races the deeper the kiss gets and your knees feel like they won’t last much longer making you grab onto his white tee shirt.

“That is part of my promise to you, Y/N, that there won’t be anymore games or immature stunts like tonight. This is gonna sound super cliche but you’re the only one for me and I will do whatever I can everyday to prove that to you,” he smiles, thumb now grazing over your lips. “So what are you gonna say to Cole?”

“Oh about that, Cole is my cousin. He’s in town for a few days before his next assignment and he wanted to hang out,” you giggle watching him hang his head as he laughs at himself.

“I really am an idiot huh?”

“No, not a total one. You just might want to get all the facts before trying to ruin someone’s night again,” you laugh pecking his lips.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @my-rosegold-soul @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @curlyhairclub @renfrewscorner @secretmysteriousperson @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @plokyu23 @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

#chris evans #chrisxblackreader #chrisxwoc #chrisxreader #fantastic four #johnny storm #johnnyxblackreader #johnnyxwoc #johnnyxreader

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patheticwithanem · 3 years

Text

2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL.

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier.

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice.

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times.

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again.

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm).

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well.

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music.

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH.

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go.

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body.

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT.

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good.

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter.

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake.

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight.

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all.

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time.

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did.

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable.

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together.

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room!

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year.

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it.

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA.

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020.

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life.

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem

5 notes · View notes

kwrittink · 4 years

Text

Wrong - AFTERSHOCK

Pairing: F!Reader x AdoptedBrother!Jungkook

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Warnings: Language, mentions of drinking

<EARTHQUAKE

Your head hurt.

"You don't look good, do you need anything?" Hoseok's worried tone made you look up at him, meeting his gaze at the top of the divider. Smiling softly, you shook your head.

"I'm fine... After a coffee, I'll be as good as new," you started with a sigh, then chuckling at the doubtful look your coworker gave you. "I promise I'll be at peak productivity once caffeine hits my system." You continued to try and reassure him, knowing he - as a supervisor of the team - would probably nag you to take the day off and come back once renewed, to not harm the general productivity"

"I don't know Y/N, after your party yesterday even I am not feeling whole," he snickered and you scoffed back at him. You wished he wouldn't bring the previous day yet, not ready to dwell with anything that happened yet. Your head continued to throb painfully.

"That's because you're a lightweight Hobi," NamJoon, always a beacon of salvation, came around with a steamy cup of coffee and placed it in front of your relieved eyes, your gratitude represented by a squeeze on his hand and a small groan as you sipped at the beverage. "You drank three beers and was practically passing out on Y/N's couch, you can't say anything about anyone." He stated with a chuckle, to what Hoseok responded with a roll of his eyes, showing his tongue at your best friend playfully.

"Yeah and besides, after the project's celebration in the afternoon, we didn't drink much more," your whole body jolted at the sound of TaeHyung's voice right beside you, as he rolled his chair beside you.

"Well, I mean I didn't, Y/N, on the other hand, had her birthday shots like a champ," and you were glad he was acting so casually but respectfully enough to just bump your arm lightly after that remark. You turned to him, forcing a grin.

"After closing off that deal on my birthday, I think I deserved that." You tried to sound playful, and maybe fooled most of the presents, since there was a general chuckle in agreement to what you said. Still, when you glanced at NamJoon, he had a piercing stare on your face underneath the grin, that made you shrink a little. Lunch would be probably spent on the roof that day.

But in the meanwhile, as you let the coffee do its magic and everyone went back to their posts, you started to work on your side projects, the 'A.R.M.Y.' clothing line something in the back of your mind, just postponed for a bit. Your phone buzzed for the fifth time that morning but you weren't sure you wanted to read yet another sweet message coming from TaeHyung, that had his ways to be charming but clearly just wanted to seduce you out of your pants. And let's be honest, you were letting him. You had to admit Mou was right from the start about his crush on you and it was somewhat tempting to let things happen given all the silent promises his kiss made you.

Yes, that happened. As you put your phone on silent, you decided to never again let the tequila make decisions. Even if it had been the best kiss you've had in a couple of years. No, no Y/N focus back on work.

That simple task though, was proving to be very difficult to accomplish itself. Not only because you had to see TaeHyung and work with him for a couple of minutes that morning and kept reenacting the scene in your head every moment your eyes fell to his lips, but because the man that had resurfaced from hell apparently made his job to make your life difficult by sending friendly emails and a basket of a selection of treats from Jin's patisserie to the crew, which started some rumors about you and the young man.

"What exactly is this mess and why haven't you told me anything?" That was the first questioning made by NamJoon as soon as he was freed to lunch - the couple minutes of lateness had made you hopeful he wouldn't show up and you'd be spared from exactly that - and sat on the floor in front of you, grasping the delicious looking croissant from your hands. You sighed, defeated. It was time for a recollection of events.

"Look, first of all, I have no idea why people do what they do, so this is just me telling things from my perspective," you started, raising a finger when NamJoon tried to interrupt you with some indignant remark, you guessed. "Please refrain to question me till I finish my report." You warned, causing your friend to roll his eyes in annoyance, but gesturing in an urging manner.

You cleared your throat. "Well, as we know I made the very stupid decision of scheduling a meeting with the new owner of 'A.R.M.Y.' Jeon JungKook - formerly Y/L/N JungKook - in the same day of my birthday. Still, with my grace and professionalism, the deal was closed successfully with minor changes, almost circumstantial-"

"You're bullshitting me, that's the part I know, Y/N. I want to hear about why in god's name he and his business partner arrived at the party, in casual clothes, and why you decided that of all days, it was a good moment to start sucking face with Kim TaeHyung!"

Even though you had asked him to question you later, you let NamJoon call you up on the bullshit because god knows you were buying time. "I made a mistake. It was the tequila talking, I didn't even want to invite JungKook, I just casually mentioned to JiMin there would be a small party at mine's..." By that point, you were holding your head in exasperation.

"But I'd never even imagined that they would actually show up! Mainly Jeon, after what happened at the bar,"

"Wait, what happened at the bar? Stop withholding information, I want to understand because drunk me didn't have the headspace to do so yesterday." He said, and it made you snort remembering how friendly NamJoon had been to JungKook - and that boy had such a blinding smile at the time that it almost felt like nothing had ever happened before.

"If you let me organize the events in my head for a second I will tell the story in all its coherency," you quipped, glaring at your friend that had started munching at your share of goodies. Not that you mind at that point. "The afternoon was really a blur, to be honest. We finished our meeting by lunchtime, but after Park JiMin insisted that we celebrated both JungKook's first closed deal and my birthday - that was TaeHyung's fault entirely -, we headed straight to the bar where I, not in my best judgment, decided to do some shots with JiMin, the little devil,"

"But you also drank with him at your place, I just don't get-"

"The little shit knows how to use the puppy eyes, I never stood a chance," you pinched the bridge of your nose in mild embarrassment after recalling how you had for the second time fell into JiMin's death trap and accepted doing even more shots of alcohol later on. "As I was saying, mistakes were made. I was just chatting amicably with that man and invited him to my celebration out of politeness and respectfulness. I should have noticed that something was off when he asked if the invite extended to Jeon as well, but my clouded mind..." You sighed. At that time you were clearly developing a crush for JiMin, that after shedding off his suit coat to 'be serious about this' as he had said, switched on a completely different kind of charm. NamJoon stared at you completely still, eager to hear the rest. "Anyways, I said yes with my mind at ease, sure JungKook wouldn't even think of showing up, but there he was at my door dressed like no less of a jock walking into a frat house, wasn't he?"

"Even after the thing that happened at the bar that you still haven't told me about," your friend stressed, and you nodded, pained. "And we have like, half an hour for you to explain that and why you and TaeHyung were kissing in the kitchen."

You glared at him, breathing in to continue. "Right about when we were leaving - TaeHyung and I arrived together at my place as you probably recall, and we were kind of flirting there already but that's not so important - I went to the bathroom to check my state, a little wobbly from the drinks. I may have stumbled on the way out and JungKook just happened to be there, steading me by the arm. After I thanked him and was to leave, he grabbed my elbow again, saying that he had never forgotten me or my birthday... I brushed him off but he kept insisting, so I may or may not have told him to fuck off. I was sure that would keep him away but for some reason, Jeon not only showed up at my house but is now sending me messages, emails, and gifts for m-me and my te-team!" Your own sobbing took you by surprise, NamJoon springing into action and moving to sit by your side, pulling your body by the shoulder to his chest in a comforting manner.

"Hey, I know it's a lot and overwhelming to see him after so long and so suddenly but... Maybe, you know, he wants to fix things?" NamJoon's hand came to pat your head endearingly as you tried to hold off the tears to avoid messing your makeup. Long ago you've told yourself to never cry about JungKook again.

"But after all these years? Why should I let him walk up back into my life after he rejected me like that? After my parents died and he finally got his heritage-"

"I know, he left when we all needed him the most and never cared to look back. But it's been years and maybe he's grown more to realize he was wrong, yes?" As he reasoned, you knew NamJoon had a point. JungKook was the last thing of a family you had left, but it still hurt too much to just let him step in without a single apology. "Sure that your issue with him is much complicated, so I bet he has no idea how to truly approach you to apologize."

At that, you glanced up at him with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"Well," NamJoon looked up before facing you again, a knowing smile on his lips that had your heart racing. "It's always been complicated with you two."

After lunch - not that you had eaten much, being quite honest -, you decided to finally open the messages ignored earlier in your phone. Two different unknown numbers? You frowned at your screen, scrolling to see the rest of the notifications. And three messages from TaeHyung. Sigh.

The first one was - and that surprised you - from Park JiMin's personal number as he stated, letting you know he had asked for your number to your boss and hoped you wouldn't be mad about it. Preposterous, you wanted to write back but decided for just greeting him back and letting him know you were at disposition for anything he needed. You've already overstepped the professional bounds enough the day before.

You skipped the second message, which was clearly from JungKook, from the late hours of the night. At your party, he was the only one you practically didn't speak to and he could have been more uncomfortable but drunk NamJoon made sure to introduce him to your friends... But as whom? You suddenly questioned yourself, wondering what the doofus you called a best friend could have said your relation to JungKook was.

The three-line texts from TaeHyung were the ones for that morning, till right about you arrived at the company. It was a good morning text, very sweet to say the least, then thanks for the good work and party invite... And a more risqué one, where he asked you out for a proper date and put himself to disposition if you wanted to do what he called 'a sober repeat' of what happened at your kitchen. You blinked at the screen after reading the contents, wanting to giggle but keeping yourself at ease since you were in a work environment. Still, you texted him back with a winky face, just for the sake of teasing. Clearly a mistake to date people from work - not that the company prohibited, but it wasn't recommended - but you wanted to indulge yourself with that for a while as a distraction. You could only trust TaeHyung was as chill as he had been with his other affairs.

Putting your phone away, you left on read JungKook's message, not even bothering to save his number. You still had to answer his emails, being the team leader of that project, but it would be very clear that you were speaking to him out of obligation. Still, it wasn't as if you couldn't hear his voice as you read the message, his soft but deep tone asking you to please talk to him.

"Hey Y/N, I wonder if you're free today?" The voice that woke you up Sunday morning was no less than Park JiMin's, and you had to stare at your mobile screen for a solid second to convince yourself you weren't hallucinating. "Oh, you sound sleepy, I'm so sorry if woke you..." You snickered, rolling out of bed with a small groan. It wasn't that early anyway so you really didn't mind.

"It's okay, I overslept. I usually wake earlier than this, but yesterday..."

"Oh yeah, you told me you'd be working late. Hope everything went well," you thanked his good wishes, feeling slightly bad lying to him. You truly had work on Saturday, which was already unusual. But you've only stayed till late that night because you decided to spend your frustrations - as NamJoon had put it so beautifully after your birthday - sucking Kim TaeHyung's face in the break room, since there wasn't anyone around on that floor. Completely impromptu of your part but highly enjoyable. "Still, I wanted to know if you perchance would mind going with me to Jin's Patisserie, they're holding this event today and I don't really have female friends I can go with so..." JiMin trailed off and you frowned, wondering what event he could be referring to.

Oh, the Fairy Tale's couple event- What's that bullshit he doesn't have anyone to go with? The thing with JiMin was that since your birthday you've been friendly texting back and forth, actually turning into casual friends as well as having a professional relationship. Again, something not recommended by the company - and your boss - but you just let it happen because Park JiMin was very pleasant to talk to. Even if you had problems with his business partner.

"Is not that I mind, but I don't think I'm a good candidate for this if you want to participate. I've told you I'm actually friends with the owner so winning that will be a little difficult," you tried to reason with a chuckle, to which he also giggled at the other side of the line.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. But you're also the only one that I can go casually and enjoy all the cute foods without having to pretend I was dragged by my date," he admitted, and you had to laugh, happy that he felt at ease with you. But wait, did he called that a date somehow? "So, what do you say? Wanna go eat some cute food with me?"

Nah, he's just talking in general. We're just friends, I guess. You thought, humming in fake pondering at the proposal. "Well, I guess I could indulge in some extra cute and sugary event for you," you teased, hearing his quiet cheering at the other side. It was funny that he liked cute stuff - tiny, animal-shaped stuff was his favorite -, but after getting to know him better you decided it really fit the cheerful and sympathetic man that now co-owned the stylish and popular 'A.R.M.Y.' clothing line and usually posed as classy and sexy to the outside world. "What time do you want to meet there?"

"I'll pick you up around 11:30, sounds good?" He stated and you were immediately aware that there wasn't space for discussion to that. So after confirming the time, you said your goodbye's, so you could get your day going and be ready on time.

It was a little coincidental for you to be in such relationships with men in the surroundings of your life, but you were trying to not think too much of that. Sure, TaeHyung was fun and not complicated, and JiMin was surely someone who you preferred to keep at arm's length, even though playful flirtation and NamJoon's advice to not let things escalate with your most estimated client. Oh, that's right, I've got to text NamJoon about my whereabouts, you reminded yourself, quickly writing a text to your best friend with a short resume of this morning's call.

NamJoon was someone that always had something to say and, most of the time could read you like an open book. It didn't mean that you followed his advice, sometimes you went against them out of pure spite. Kim TaeHyung happened again because of that.

"You seem to be trying to compensate the frustration you've always had about JungKook with TaeHyung," He had said at lunchtime on that fateful Saturday. After you had - finally - told him about how you and the TI trainee happened, he had concluded that it wasn't a healthy move in the long term. "That could only end up in heartbreak for one of the parts and knowing you, it will be from his side, as much as an easygoing person he seems to be. And you won't be able to live with yourself for using him like that." You mocked him under your breath after that, a little hurt that he'd actually say you were using TaeHyung. Just the way he was having fun before, you were having fun with him, that was very clear. Wasn't it?

"I think that you should make that clear to the boy, Y/N." Mou spoke at the other side of the line, while you got ready to go out with JiMin, already running a little late due to a guilt trip in the shower. "I mean, I told you he has a crush on you, and it's been months."

"But he's been fooling around since he came to the company," you tried to reason while deciding on a top that would be cute, albeit discreet. You couldn't be giving mixed signals to JiMin too, right?

"Yes but, that's exactly what you two haven't been doing, right?" She countered, making you sigh deeply. You two had only kissed twice despite texting and hinting at further stuff, which was fine for you, it made you polish your flirting skills from time to time. "From what you've told me he really wants to go at it with you but isn't being extremely persuasive about it. He's been taking his time, waiting for you. Enjoying your company." Dating me, she means. You rolled your eyes, mostly at yourself, realizing quite well what NamJoon had been telling you. Maybe you were doing TaeHyung wrong, after all. Maybe you should talk to him about the whole thing.

"What I don't get is why you wouldn't consider dating him for real, though."

Well, that was a complicated explanation to give to anybody else but you knew exactly why. Sure, it called - screamed - for therapy and you considered doing it once daily, but the sole reason why you didn't consider dating anyone for real was that after all these years, you weren't able to get over that man. Jeon JungKook, as he was now.

It was still hurtful to remember how he had disappeared from your life, even more after that extreme action he had right before storming out of that room. You never stopped thinking about it.

That kiss. His damned lips that seared a curse deep into your soul, giving you a small sample of reciprocated feelings after all those years living with them hidden deep into your being. You loathed him, but couldn't bring yourself to hate and, now he was back into your life. The effects of that were clear.

"Well, that's-" And as if you had predicted it, a notification from JiMin telling he was five minutes from your house popped on the screen, cutting the conversation short. With a swift goodbye you promised to get back at Mou about the whole deal - hoping she'd forget by then - and hanged up, grabbing the first long casual dress you owned and a jacket, deeming it fine for a friendly hangout.

___________________________________________________

masterlist

#wrong!jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkok fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader

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piduai · 3 years

Note

Sushi date anon here!

Just checking in to let y'all know that everything is going really well. I'm only able to see her on Sundays and Mondays due to the conflicting nature of our work schedule, but that will change once August hits and we're back to school.

She wants me to meet her family down south in a few weeks, and I'm terribly excited to do so. I just hope I don't put my foot in my mouth.

Also, and this is really the only sour note in the whole thing, I contracted mono a week or two ago, so I cannot kiss her because I don't want to infect her. She's been very considerate (and to be honest the mono is really fucking me up mentally and physically because I'm in pain and can't do anything but rest and drink fluids), but I'm quite frustrated with the whole thing.

I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve her in this one, but I'm grateful to whoever I might've been. We're getting pho on Sunday!!!

Anyhoo, update complete. Thank you!

oooo i was wondering how yall were doing, thank you for the update!! get better soon queen and good luck with meeting the family!

#also i can't believe you just came out as an am*rican to me... so brave #anon

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rutilation · 5 years

Photo

Listen, they’re not evil. They just lack empathy, and go into a dissociative state and commit atrocities.

As much as it pains me to do so, I’m going to start off by talking about the bastard himself. I must say, believing that rage and misery is the inevitable endpoint of a person’s life is an awfully convenient belief for Aechmea to hold when his plan would end all sentient life as collateral damage. If all your victims are better off dead anyway, then your actions don’t warrant any guilt!

There’s a little moment in chapter 67 that has always stuck out to me as being representative of Aechmea’s character, and I think it’s especially relevant to this chapter. It’s the part in which Cairngorm is trying to argue that it’s in Aechmea’s best interest to keep Phos as mentally stable as possible since they’re his staunchest ally amongst the gems. My reaction upon reading that line was that their appraisal of Aechmea’s intentions was very naïve. To the contrary, the more unstable Phos becomes, the easier it is for Aechmea to manipulate them. At this point in the narrative, Phos is no longer carefully treading through negotiations with Aechmea, as they were in volume eight and the beginning of volume nine; they’re now doing exactly what he wants, with gusto, and no thought to the long term consequences. This is entirely deliberate on Aechmea’s part, and indeed, in the very same chapter that Cairngorm brought this up, Aechmea pulled the same trick on them. He made Cairn feel cornered and desperate, presented himself as the sole solution to their problem, and thus Cairn went from being deeply suspicious of Aechmea to…still being deeply suspicious of Aechmea, tbh, but burying it under an ironclad sense of denial. This chapter even contains a callback to chapter 67: Both here and there, Phos/Cairn is broken and despondent, Aechmea is looming over them, and they reach out to weakly cling to his hand.

He asks Barbata to “handle” Phos’s memories of the past two hundred years. That’s an ambiguous line if I’ve ever heard one. Correct me if I’m wrong, but Phos shouldn’t have memories of the past two hundred years, right? I’m not sure if this is implying that he wants Barbata to implant false memories within Phos of the past two hundred twenty years, or—heaven forbid—if he’s implying that Phos actually has memories of the timeskip, and that he wants Barbata to make sure Phos doesn’t lose any of them. If it’s the latter, that would suggest that Phos has, somehow, been conscious this whole time (holy shit,) and that Aechmea doesn’t want Phos to be able to move past those memories. Regardless of what he’s referring to though, the sentiment behind his cryptic order is clear: now that he’s molded Phos into something he can easily control, he’s taking pains to ensure that they’re stuck in their current incarnation, so that they don’t evolve ever again. It brings to my mind this scene in chapter 54, in which Aechmea all but fetishizes Phos’s capacity for change. It was already pretty creepy, but knowing that this is what he intended for Phos to change into adds another layer of wrongness to that exchange.

It’s interesting that just a couple chapters ago, Phos was screaming at Kongou “If only you weren’t here!” But here, the sentiment has completely inverted, and Phos is weeping as they say that Kongou is the only one who still cares for them, and that it’s the gems who shouldn’t be here. In only a few short hours, they’ve gone from directing all their hatred at Kongou, to directing it at everyone except him. Their rage is unformed and all over the place. Good thing Aechmea’s here to refine it to his own ends!

Aechmea says that he’ll answer Cairngorm’s question “when this is all over.” That could imply a couple of different things, depending on what he means by that. If he means he’ll tell Cairn after he’s finished dealing with Phos for this chapter, then that’s one thing. But, if by ‘all over’ he means that he’s not going to say anything until Kongou successfully prays, and his victory is assured--as with the previous secret he was keeping from Cairngorm, then that implies that whatever he was alluding to when he said he had loved Cairngorm since before they came to the moon, it’s probably something awful.

If you’ve been following my essays for a while, you’ll know that I’ve long suspected that some sort of Cairn-related plot twist will rear its ugly head at some point in the near future, and that mind-control eyeballs were perhaps only the tip of the iceberg. Well, after nearly a year of deliberation, I’ve settled on my personal theory of what this plot twist could be, but it’s far outside the scope of an essay focused on a single chapter, so I’m going to post my thoughts on that in another essay sometime in the coming weeks. Keep an eye out for it if you want to see me go fully and embarrassingly tinfoil hat. (With my luck, chapter 83 is going to reveal what Aechmea meant by his cryptic statement before I get that essay done, and it’s going to be something banal, thus ruining my precious conspiracy theory.)

But enough about cornmeal and acne man, let’s talk about the trajectory Phos seems to be on, and also about Cinnabar.

For quite a while now, it’s been a pretty popular theory that Cinnabar will eventually kill Phos with their mercury, and it does feel like things could head in that direction. Phos is so far gone that they’re willing to kill anyone in their path, and in so much pain that their death could be construed as a mercy. And since they can best Bort in a fight, it would seem that Cinnabar’s mercury is the only thing that could actually stop them, especially since it could chemically bind to their alloy and poison Phos from the inside out. To be perfectly honest though, something about this potential course of events has always rubbed me the wrong way, but until this chapter, I hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly what it was I didn’t like.

The whole story was started because Phos thought Cinnabar deserved better than their miserable lot in life. At no point did Phos, or the narrative for that matter, ever suggest that it would be for the best if Cinnabar were simply put out of their misery. Their plight warranted not just a release from pain, but a better life to replace it. And as they are now, Cinnabar probably doesn’t want to die anymore, and I imagine they’re glad they didn’t go through with their passive attempt at suicide. (Come to think of it, I think they’re the sole character who’s moved away from being suicidally depressed over the course of the story, instead of gradually succumbing to it.) So, now that the shoe is thoroughly on the other foot, and Phos is the one at rock bottom, it would leave a really bad taste in my mouth if Cinnabar’s response to Phos’s pain ends up being: “Yeah, you should die.”

So, although the plot is probably going maneuver Cinnabar into a situation in which they have to decide whether or not to kill Phos, I hope that it’s ultimately in service of that not coming to pass.

Speaking of Cinnabar, I really hope we finally get more insight into them in these coming chapters. Broadly speaking, more stuff has happened with them the past twenty or so chapters than most of the rest of the series. Their whole life was upended, they (seemingly) made a friend in Bort, and they’re finally making choices that affect the plot, which hasn’t really happened since volume two. But, despite all this, we don’t really know what they’re actually thinking, of what emotions they’ve been going through. You can make some inferences, but that’s not really as affecting as experiencing their perspective firsthand, and I think that’s why people get the impression that they’ve been made irrelevant to the story, despite the fact that they’ve been contributing to the plot lately. So, hopefully we’ll finally get some further elaboration on them in the near future; I think it would remedy the issue quite a bit.

I’ve been thinking lately that what Cinnabar did to Phos in this arc is kind of a grim mirror of how Phos’s desire to help Cinnabar became muddied over the course of the story. I don’t believe that Cinnabar was acting out of malice in chapter 78 when they suggested burying Phos in pieces. If they genuinely wanted Phos dead, they could have encouraged the earth gems to go along with Rutile’s murderous impulses, instead of coming up with a plan in which Phos might come back eventually—certainly no one else in that scene, sans Euclase, voiced any objection to Rutile’s idea, and if Cinnabar hadn’t spoken up, they all might have gone along with it. I think it’s quite possible that they were attempting to protect Phos by trying to appease the other gems’ enmity in a way that wouldn’t bring Phos permanent harm.

But, just like how Phos’s ever-shifting goalposts pushed Cinnabar to the back of their mind over the course of the story, it’s possible that their new life among the gems had the same effect on Cinnabar. Thus, in their mind, Phos was relegated to an important but altogether distant obligation that they’d deal with later, when the time was right. But since these are gems we’re talking about, the time is never right, and complicated problems like these never get dealt with. And just like how it was cruel and thoughtless when Phos put Cinnabar on the backburner, it’s cruel here too—especially if, as I speculated earlier, Phos was somehow awake this whole time.

Because I am a sentimental sap who still has a little bit of hope for a bittersweet ending instead of a complete tragedy, I think that Cinnabar might actually be a wild card in this situation, one who has the potential to save Phos from themselves. (I’m sorry. I can’t help myself. My mind is stuck in power-of-friendship mode, and it’ll probably stay there until Ichikawa beats the idealism out of me, just like she beat it out of Phos.) Keeping in mind what things Aechmea has been able to deduce either through direct observation through Phos’s eye, or what might have been reported to him from any Lunarians returning from an attack on earth, he doesn’t have enough information to figure out that Phos had a strong connection to Cinnabar. Although he’s confident now that Phos has no ties to anything they once loved, and is wholly dependent on him, the previous chapter shows that Cinnabar still means something to Phos, even in this state. Since all of this exists in a blind spot for Aechmea, I think it has the potential to muck up his plans—if Ichikawa deigns it to be so, of course.

Now let’s talk about symbolism, because there’s a lot of it. First off, I want to talk about a pattern I noticed regarding Phos’s changes, one which I discussed in the very first meta I wrote for the series. At the time, I speculated that the title of the art book, Pseudomorph of Love, was hinting at this pattern, but when the artbook was translated later courtesy of @red-dia, it turns out that said title was alluding to something totally different. Nevertheless, I think I may have inadvertently stumbled onto a method regarding Phos’s changes that seems too consistent to not be deliberate, and I’ll reiterate it here: With the very notable exception of the pearl eye, down to even the most minor of losses, every permanent loss and addition to Phos’s body has been tied to an attempted act of kindness. Specifically, Phos loses parts when trying to do something altruistic, and they are given new parts out of kindness on another characters part.

They had to have contaminated parts of their body scraped away after trying to save Cinnabar from falling.

They lost their legs while trying to help Ventricosus return home, and gained the new legs because of an act of kindness on her part.

Although the ice flows initially tried tempting Phos into giving up their arms by reflecting their self-loathing, it was only when they frightened Phos with the idea that Cinnabar might kill themselves if Phos doesn’t change quickly enough that they accidentally-on-purpose lost their arms. While Antarc initially dismissed the gold they ended up giving to Phos as useless, they changed their tune when they noticed Phos projecting their own low self-esteem onto the gold. To me, it seems like the act of giving Phos the gold was their way of telling Phos that they’re not worthless.

They lost a bunch of small pieces while trying to save Antarcticite

They lost their head while trying to save Cairn’s arm. And then Cairn... uh… Let’s put a pin in that for now, and come back to it when their character arc has progressed a bit further. The element of mind control eyeballs that may or may not even be real makes the situation a bit more fraught than I care to get into right this very second.

They lost Lapis’s hair while shielding Morga and Goshe from the Lunarians.

They gave away a piece of their leg so the Admirabilis would know they weren’t holding a grudge against Ventricosus

With that established, let’s talk about the pearl eye. The moment they received it was practically an inverse of the established pattern. It was a transformation motivated by spite on Phos’s part, and for Aechmea, it was an opportunity to exert control over them. Even the act of receiving the pearl eye made them sick, mysterious human particles notwithstanding. The ensuing chapters after they received the pearl eye are, as I’m sure you’re all aware, a whole lot darker and meaner than what the story had been up to that point. If I had to draw a dividing line between the part of hnk that is simply melancholy, and the part that makes the reader feel like a frog in boiling water, I’d use Phos’s first trip to the moon to demarcate these two tones—and the symbol that heralded this descent into hell was the introduction of an unkind addition to Phos’s body.

That brings us to the matter of their most recent loss. Since it’s now apparent that they won’t be getting their other parts back, we can look back on the moment they lost those parts for good and see if it fits the previous pattern, and in my opinion, it does. The reason Phos was in that situation was because they were making a last ditch effort to do right by everyone else, and take responsibility for their mistakes. It was at this point that they mustered up the last bit of kindness and courage they still had in their heart.

But the loss of a given part is only one half of the equation, which begs the question: with what sentiment will Barbata give Phos their replacements? Barbata has subtly given off the impression that he feels guilty about his role in the various atrocities the Lunarians have undertaken, and is disillusioned with Aechmea, but is as of yet unwilling to actually go against him. If there’s ever going to be a point in the story in which he decides to do the right thing instead of just following orders, it’s now or never. I’m counting on you, pasta man. Follow your conscience for once! Either way, whether Phos’s reconstruction ends up being an act of kindness on Barbata’s part, or simply another expression of Aechmea’s corruption is, in my opinion, a crucial distinction that will have ramifications for the future of Phos’s character arc. Speaking of which, it now seems like Red Diamond is the most likely candidate for a replacement, since Padparadscha is busy being asleep on earth.

I’ve talked about how a character’s eyeballs and where they got them from symbolizes their worldview, broadly speaking. This chapter seems to be a continuation of that. Kongou shaped the gems’ worldview, which is symbolized by him giving them their eyes, Cairngorm’s devotion to Aechmea is accompanied by them adopting eyes that Aechmea made for them, during the time that Phos was trying to balance the needs of both the gems and the Lunarians, they had an eye from both Kongou and Aechmea, and now that Phos only has the single pearl eye left, they’re thinking with a one-track mind from a distinctly Lunarian perspective: that everything that gets in the way of their salvation needs to die.

I also find it interesting that Phos’s original material is mostly intact, and what they’ve lost are chunks of their legs and head. It probably symbolizes something, but my brain is starting to leak out of my ears at this point, so I’m just going to remember it for later and see if the meaning becomes clearer in retrospect.

Regarding Phos’s alloy shaping itself into a lotus’s seedpod, my first reaction was that it was a rather ambivalent symbol to use in the context of Phos’s downfall. On one hand, the seedpod only appears when the highly symbolic flower dies, but on the other hand, while the flower is the part of the plant to which a number of cultures have ascribed auspicious meanings like purity and renewal, it is the humble, unsightly seedpod that goes about the actual business of rebirth.

But, as @rinboz pointed out in a post on the subject, it appears to be specifically evoking the image of an empty seedpod. If that’s what Ichikawa is going for, then the meaning is unambiguously ominous, to put it mildly.

Lastly, I brought up in my previous essay that it was highly convenient that Phos happened to trip off the table at the last possible second, and in a manner so noisy that it woke the other gems, no less. In this chapter, Phos lays the blame for their failure on the earth gems interfering… but that only happened because Phos made a racket. I speculated that they may have subconsciously sabotaged themselves—it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. I don’t know how likely that possibility is, but I think it’s one worth keeping in mind.

Well, that was heavy. But on a lighter note, I think it may be time for me to update the only good meta I’ve ever written, birdseki no kuni. What should Phos 4.0 be? I think this feral demigod of vengeance ought to be represented by a real apeshit bird, like an Australian magpie, or something. This will require further deliberation.

#houseki no kuni #finally got this done #i haven't checked if the leaks are out yet #but if they are i hope they don't invalidate half this post #land of the lustrous

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ladyrussellsprouts · 3 years

Text

A Moment In Time

Rose cherished this day as much as she hated it. Her fingers ghosted over the crescent pendant that never left her neck.

The tombstone stood untouched by time. The careful script glimmered on the pale marble. A young Asian woman smiled back at Rose.

Paige Tico

April 10, 1982 - April 18, 2010

A lover, a fighter and most of all, a hero.

Despite the decade that had passed, Rose would never know how to navigate a life without her sister. She would always remember standing in front of this grave for the first time mourning the loss alone. The funeral had been a poorly patched together affair with donated funds from the local Vietnamese church. Paige had deserved more than that but at 23, Rose didn’t have any savings worth a damn. Ten-thousand dollars was hard to come by, and she had been up to her ears working through a competitive internship and a part-time job at the local Pho shop. Paige’s death had been devastating. It still was.

Rose would never understand the injustice of short lives. How did the universe decide who lived and who died? How did one measure if a life was well-lived? So many answers that she would never get answers to. Even if she did, it would never assuage the pain of losing the only family she had.

“I miss you so much, Paige.” She could barely speak as tears blurred her vision. “My daughter is now five, and it’s uncanny how much she also loves cars. I wish you were here to teach her the way you taught me.”

Finn laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. A silent declaration that she wasn’t alone anymore. A silent declaration that she had someone else to lean on when the world became too heavy to carry.

“Finn, it feels like I’ll never stop missing her,” Rose whispered as his arms came around her. “Every birthday, every anniversary that I have to spend without her feels like a punishment.”

Her husband placed a small kiss on the crown of her head before placing her head against his chest.

“My beautiful Rose, I don’t think Paige would want you to think like that or be miserable for the rest of your life.”

Pulling away, he cupped her face wiping away tears. “She’d be so happy that you named our daughter after her and that you’ve chosen to live everyday even though it’s hard. I also think she’d be proud of you for choosing such a handsome, smart and dependable husband.”

Roes cracked a smile taking in the man before her. They had overcome so much hatred and scrutiny just to be together. He was still here and so was she.

“I love you, Finn. Thank you for reminding me about what truly matters most.” She accepted the tissue he handed her.

“I’m just taking your advice and saving what I love.”

They shared similar grins at their infamous private joke.

She had built a life for herself, Rose reminded herself despite the waves of grief. She had a husband who loved and balanced her, and she had a beautiful, smart daughter who filled her heart with so much joy.

“I have something to tell you, Paige. Something we wanted to share with you first.”

Her hand ghosted across her stomach over the new life within her.

---

AO3

Fanfiction.net

#lady russell sprouts #ladyrussellsprouts #reylo #reylo drabble #reylo fanfiction

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starspatter · 4 years

Text

Heroes and Thieves, Ch. 15

Title: Heroes and Thieves Fandom/Universe: BTAS, pre/post-RotJ flashback

Summary: A story about second chances, healing, and having hope.

Rating: PG-13, for references to character death, child psychological torture and trauma.

Genre: Romance/Family/Friendship/Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 4,800 Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Also on ff.net and AO3. ...I lied. This is totally a harem story. *flees*

She held onto my coat that night, like a kid lost in her sleeves Oh we warmed the ground, we hushed our sound We slept on walking feet Oh Darlin’, pardon me Can you help me remember When we were all flying free

-Gregory Alan Isakov, “Living Proof”

————————–

After.

Barbara breathed out as she stood before the large, warehouse-like building, gazing anxiously up at its second floor (and watchful security cameras she knew were installed overhead). The reinforced structure still seemed relatively sound despite the recent disaster. The… original occupant certainly knew how to choose a hideout location and prepare for all potential outcomes. …Must've been a habit he picked up from his previous landlord.

With a wary hand, she buzzed the doorbell.

Sooner than she expected, the entry flew open to reveal an unfamiliar face: a young man with a short crop of mane spiked in the front like flames, similar in color to her own.

"Well hellooo there," he greeted with a wide grin, eyeing his guest up and down. "What can I do you for, miss?"

Barbara stared at him in surprise.

"Er, is Tim home? He… does still live here, right?"

The stranger licked his lips, resting toned muscle casually against the doorframe.

"Who cares about him? What say you and me get to know each other a bit first, as fellow redheads, hm?"

He loomed towards her, admiring her luscious saffron locks. Barbara grimaced, getting ready to give the kid a good taste of a police twist hold (if not taser) – when a voice she recognized interjected from behind.

"She's a cop, Roy. And she used to be Batgirl. I wouldn't try anything if I were you."

Tim emerged beside the other teen, regarding the two dully. Unfortunately the statement only seemed to fuel his friend's lust further.

"Hot damn. You here to arrest me, officer?" He waggled his brows. "Slap some cuffs on me and take me down to the station? I wouldn't mind that on the first date."

"Roy."

"Kidding, kidding. Jeeze, you really have no sense of humor now, do you?" He lowered his limb dejectedly. "Anyway, you didn't tell me you were acquainted with such a gorgeous babe. Ain't you gonna introduce us?"

Tim sighed.

"Roy, meet Officer Barbara Gordon, the Commissioner's daughter and former Batgirl. Babs, this is Roy Harper, a.k.a. Speedy, Green Arrow's ex-sidekick."

"Ex-partner," the other boy corrected. "And it's 'Arsenal' now."

"Whatever. Now could you please give us some privacy?"

"A'ight, I can take a hint to take a hike," Roy smirked with a suggestive wink. "I've got a 'date' myself anyway. I'll leave you two alone. Don't wait up~"

He whistled and growled as he passed by Barbara on the way out, who shot him a dirty look before resuming attention to Tim.

"I see you've been keeping company. Honestly, he's worse than the Flash." (What was it with all the male copperheads she met giving her ginger brand a bad name?)

"We know each other from the Titans," he replied in a dry tone. "He needed a place to stay after Queen kicked him out – again. Dick said it was okay."

Barbara paused.

"You talk to him recently?"

Tim shrugged as he moved aside to allow her in.

"We keep in touch. He calls every so often to check up on… things."

She studied his backside as they started heading upstairs to the loft.

"And? How are 'things'?

"Fine."

She glanced around the interior of the room as they approached the top; it looked pretty much the same as she remembered. There was the ornate wall of Asian-styled checkered windows overlooking the city, and the ninja sword rack hanging next to a decorative dragon panel (behind which she knew there was a concealed compartment that used to contain Nightwing's costume). Dick did always have a flair for the Orient.

Running her hand wistfully along the armrest to the sofa, she recalled how she and Dick used to sit and cuddle together on it, enjoying late-night Chinese takeout and talks, among… other things.

A frown settled on her face as she noticed something… "off" about the couch cushions.

"'Fine', you say. …Is that why you have 'this'?"

Tim's eyes immediately narrowed as she stretched behind the seat and unzipped the foam, removing a bag of greenish-purple powder from deep within.

"It's not mine."

He answered, a little too hasty.

"Whose is it then?"

"Roy's," he stated flatly, seeming nonchalant about selling out his flatmate.

"And you're telling me you've never used any?"

He hesitated, eyes slanting aside in silence. She scrutinized the stash, recognizing to her horror that it was likely the popular new drug that was being distributed in the streets amongst decadent youth; an isolated chemical strain similar to Joker toxin, but more mild. Not strong enough to cause permanent psychological damage (at least when taken in minor doses), but enough to mimic the euphoric high for hours on end.

"Have you been doing deals with Jokerz?"

"Like hell I would," he snapped.

She reached out to sternly grab his wrist, trying insistently to meet his eye.

"Tim. Be honest with me. Please."

He yanked his arm away, glaring fiercely in anger.

"What is this, some kind of bust? Fine, go ahead, book me. I don't care. Why don't you just charge me with murder while you're at it?"

"Tim…"

"You don't get it, Barb." He clutched at his sleeves, digging digits deep into his skin. "You don't know what it's like, living with fucking laughter inside your head all the time. At least when I'm laughing louder I can't hear him."

She swallowed, biting her lip. Gently, she set the plastic down on the table.

"I do understand," she whispered softly.

He blinked at her.

"Tim, the reason I came here, is because… Lately, I've been having these… visions." She sank down on the lounger, steepling fingers in front of her. "You remember the time Scarecrow gassed me and left me in a hallucinogenic nightmare state?"

He nodded.

"It's like that, only now, I get them when I'm awake as well, at complete random. Ever since the quake, I'll experience these abrupt panic attacks, and see all kinds of terrifying shit. Then, the flashbacks start, and there's one that's always recurring…" She closed her eyes, reflecting reluctantly. "All of a sudden I'll see myself back at Arkham, fighting against Harley. We go over the edge of the cliff, and I'm hanging on like before, and she starts to slip… Only this time, I fall with her. I – I die, just like that time in my dream."

She hunched in on herself further as she continued.

"It doesn't end there though. It keeps going, and I can still see everything else play out, like when I visualized my dad going after Bruce afterwards. I – I see him and Joker, and you – JJ – there with the gun – and – and… The shot hits Batman instead."

Her speech tapered off as she finished the sentence. Her audience was deathly quiet as she carried on in a tremulous hush.

"Then you and the Joker – he – he makes you do all these horrible things – so many deaths – including Dick's – and finally my dad's the only one left – and he has to take you both down by himself – and it ends with either him shooting you – or you shooting him – and either way everyone I love is… gone."

She looked at him, tears starring her eyes.

"I'm sorry. You probably don't want to hear any of this. I – I just had to come see you…"

"To make sure I haven't gone on an insane murder spree?"

Barbara lowered her head in apology.

"I didn't mean it like that…"

Tim exhaled, unlinking his limbs as he leaned back against the table.

"For what it's worth, I don't think I've done anything recently that would land me a spot in Arkham. …Anyway, shouldn't you go see a doctor about this or something? Or someone else who can help, like…"

The weight of unspoken word hung heavy in the air. She shook her head.

"I'm scared. What if they can't treat it, say my condition's permanent? I'm no good to the force like this, I can't function out in the field. I'll have to give up my badge, after I worked so hard to finally get here..."

Tim rolled his eyes slightly.

"Gee, I wonder what that could possibly be like?"

Contriteness crossed her countenance again.

"…Sorry. That was dumb, I shouldn't have said that. I was being selfish, only thinking of myself. I shouldn't have bothered you with this. You've got enough to deal with, you don't deserve to have my issues dumped on you as well."

Tim held up his hand.

"Look, it's okay, Babs. …Is there anything I can do?"

She lifted timidly, chewing her lip.

"I – I was just hoping maybe we could… I don't know – talk for a bit?"

Tim remained mute, mulling for a moment, before turning and walking over to the mini-fridge. Opening it, he retrieved two chilled beer cans before revolving back.

"You want a drink?"

She boosted an eyebrow, but nevertheless gratefully accepted the offering of booze.

"I'm not even going to ask how you got these."

She muttered as she popped the tab and started to chug it down.

…

A nearly emptied six-pack later, they were both more than a bit tipsy, but Barbara especially so. Turns out she wasn't very good at holding her alcohol.

"I mean, who do those jerks think they are?" she slurred as she slammed her container down. "I'm not some little girl or someone's possession. I can date whoever I damn well please."

Tim perceived her lurch lopsidedly as she groped for another, growing concerned.

"Don't you think you've had one too many?"

"I'll be the judge of that," she hicced as she swatted his hand away. Tim persisted however, prying the prize firmly from her fingertips.

"That's it. I think you've had enough."

As he stood up to put the beverage back, he simultaneously fished out his phone and began dialing with his free hand.

"I'm calling your dad to come pick you up."

He felt a pressure on his lower waist, and he looked down to see Barbara clinging to the back of his shirt, burying her flushed forehead against his spine.

"Please," she mumbled into the fabric. "Just let me stay here a little longer."

He gulped, but submissively sat back down. She warmly nestled her head against his shoulder, causing his chest to beat rapidly in confusion.

"…What the hell happened to us, Tim? How did we end up like this? The four of us, hardly even speaking to each other? Dick would never return my phone calls, and Bruce – God, Bruce – I don't even know where to begin with him."

"To be fair, he was never much of a conversationalist to begin with," Tim griped bitterly. "Besides, don't you, uh, have a new boyfriend now?"

He cleared his throat, and Barbara sighed as she sat up, hugging her knees close to her for comfort instead.

"Sam's great. He understands, but… He doesn't really 'get' it, you know? What we've been through."

She traced a rim of condensation on the counter.

"Hey, you remember that time Bruce almost married a plant-woman? That was wild."

"Yeah? What about when Farmer Brown unleashed a bunch of giant mutant insects on Gotham? That's got to be the craziest adventure we ever had."

"Please. You weren't there when Baby Doll and Killer Croc teamed up and nearly nuked the city. I mean, can you imagine those two together? You can't compete with a weirder pair than that."

It was startlingly simple, to slip so smoothly back into nostalgia. Swapping stories, trying to one-up each other's exploits. Barbara would even fondly describe some of the times she worked with the original Dynamic Duo, back during the "good ol' days" – of colorful costumed villains, wacky crimes, and ridiculous motivations. Telling increasingly tall tales and amusing anecdotes that almost made Tim laugh. …Almost.

"So let me get this straight," she repeated, "You flew the Batplane all the way to outer space… to the Justice League Watchtower… by yourself?"

"Yup," Tim responded as he sedately cracked open the last metal vessel still in his lap and took a sip.

Barbara shook her head in disbelief.

"You always were a risk-taker. I still can't believe Bruce went missing and got brainwashed… again. How come I never knew about any of this? Why didn't you contact me?"

"You were off at grad school. I figured I could handle it."

Barbara propped her elbow on the plush, leaning her cheek thoughtfully against it as she tucked her legs underneath her.

"...It's good that you went to them for help."

Tim peered down, picking absently at the paper label, peeling off aluminum.

"Mr. Kent told me afterwards, that Bruce did call him in secret. The operating room's walls were lined with lead though, since they used to take X-Rays and brain scans there. Even the curtain and that stupid apron Joker wore had lead shielding. He had hench-spies stationed everywhere, in Metropolis as well, so he could render me unconscious as soon as Superman showed up and I wouldn't be able to scream. …He really was prepared for everything."

Barbara couldn't believe it. Just how long had that disgusting sicko been planning this?

"What about the Martian? He's a telepath, isn't he?"

Tim shook his head.

"Apparently the last time he attempted a city-wide psychic sweep to look for Luthor, he wasn't able to shut it off. The flood of thoughts nearly drove him mad afterwards. Bruce didn't want to risk it."

"That still doesn't excuse-"

"What's done is done," Tim curtly cut her off, crushing the canister in his grip to transfer his own resentful rage, before tossing it in the trash. "I've accepted the damage. There's no use in going back and flinging hindsight accusations at this point."

Barbara surveyed his sullen expression in overwhelming sympathy.

"…There's one thing Joker didn't count on."

"What?"

"You fighting him off in the end. You were stronger than him. You won."

Knuckles balled on Tim's kneecap.

"That wasn't a win. We lost the moment I confessed everything to him."

"That's not true, Tim."

He shook his head.

"I killed him, Barb. I did what none of us were ever supposed to do. And the worst part is, I – I was glad about it."

She extended her palm to wrap reassuringly around his wrist.

"So? You have every right to be, after what he did to you."

Tim's fist only tautened further as he avoided her eyes, ashamed of his own ugly sin.

"You know, it's ironic – Batman got gassed by Scarecrow once too. Only instead it took away all his fear. He was seriously out of control, to the point where he wasn't even afraid to kill criminals. I had to take him down myself. I… managed to keep him from making a big mistake."

He laughed then, though it sounded hollow. His eyes had such a pained look, moreso than anything physical could've caused him. The hurt was in his heart and soul. Barbara's own heart broke to see him like this. Her brain swam, swarming with remorse. Wishing there was something she could do to help heal him, convince him that he had a good heart, one that was still worthy and capable of loving others, and of being loved in return…

…

Slowly, she inclined forward – and kissed him.

…

For a second, all Tim could register was the flavor of liquor mixed with black licorice – lush and luscious on her lips – before panicking and pushing away.

"What are you doing?"

"I… don't know."

"…I think you're making a big mistake."

Barbara bristled.

"Who says?"

From their positions, she was practically on top of him. He grasped her shoulders, keeping determinedly at bay.

"You're drunk. And probably hallucinating."

"I'm not hallucinating."

He sighed, scraping a hand through his hair.

"I'm not Dick or Bruce, you know. …I'm nobody."

"You're not nobody."

Conflict clouded his eyes.

"Look, this is all kinds of wrong. What about Sam? Besides, your dad would probably kill me…"

The whites around her blue irises widened.

"Kill you…?"

…Shit.

"Babs, no, I didn't mean-"

She slid off, seizing arms around herself, impressing into her flesh.

"He'll kill you. You'll kill him. …Everyone's going to be killed. And it's all my fault."

Shit. Shit shit shit. He should've known better.

"No one's dying. We're all still alive." (…If what they had could be called "living".) "You're just imagining it."

Her claws only clamped tighter.

"Sam… What if he comes after Sam? I'm putting him in danger. Oh God." Her pupils contracted, zoning into the distance. "Sam, don't open the door – he's got a gun!"

This was not good. He was losing her. He tried to twist her around, get her to see him instead of… of… whatever it was she was trapped by.

"Babs? Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. Whatever you're seeing right now, it's not real. You hear me? It's not real."

She stayed stiff as a board though, staring far off into vacant space.

"Dad. Oh my God, what's he doing to Dad? He's trying to turn him crazy too. No, no, make it stop!"

Worriedly, Tim shook her shoulders.

"Babs, hey, c'mon! Snap out of it!"

Her eyes were glazed, no longer glued to one spot but rolling everywhere else. Darting frantically to and fro. Features contorted, seemingly in some kind of phantom agony.

"My legs. I can't feel my legs. He took my legs."

Nails curled around her abdomen area, clenching cloth in anguish. Scrabbling, scratching, as if searching for something.

"Babs!"

"The baby," she sobbed. "I lost the baby. I couldn't protect him. Couldn't protect… im…"

The last part was muffled by a wounded choke, but… From the way she said it, it kinda sounded like…

His name.

Helpless, Tim looked on with an aching empathy as the normally tough, take-charge woman he always knew coiled into a fetal form, crying miserably. He mused if this was how he must've often looked to the others back then. He didn't know what to do, how to help her. He felt so utterly useless.

Running over options, his mind halted at one possibility. Something that used to help him deal with nightmares as a kid, before… everything. It was probably dumb and desperate, but it was worth a shot.

"Wait here. I'll be right back."

He dashed to the bedroom, opening up the nightstand drawer and fumbling around inside. Withdrawing the object from the far back, he considered it grimly for a beat, before gritting his teeth and resolutely taking it back to where Barbara was now rocking herself.

"Babs? Hey, look: Remember this?"

She ceased instantly when she saw the Batarang suspended in front of her.

"You always felt safe whenever Batman and Robin were around, right? Nothing… bad can happen to you as long as they're there."

Sentiment welled in her ducts as she reached out tentatively for the reminder, cradling it close to her breast.

"Just in case you run into trouble up there."

"Dick… Bruce…"

Tim drew her in towards him in a compassionate embrace, soothingly stroking her quivering back as if she were the child.

"It's okay, Babs. It's okay." He reiterated the phrase in her ear. "You're okay. I'm… okay. We're okay."

They stayed like that for a while, and eventually the shudders and sniffles subsided as she seemed to fall into a fitful sleep. While she still whimpered occasionally, holding the Batarang nearer did appear to help somewhat.

Just then, he heard the opening and closing of the front door as Roy returned from his "date", bounding up the steps and stopping short upon witnessing the scene before him.

"Whoahey, am I interrupting something?"

He grinned, and Tim scowled at the guy's terrible timing.

"This isn't what it looks like. Just hurry up and help me get her to the bed."

Roy was about to open his mouth to make another snide remark, but promptly shut it upon seeing the searing look Tim speared at him, and the sweat and tears on the moaning visitor's visage. Switching into serious mode, he lent a steady hand with supporting her to the mattress. He was still a hero himself, after all, always available to aid any damsels in distress.

As he agreed to take over looking after the patient for the time being, Tim thanked him and left the bedside temporarily, pulling out his cell again as he traveled downstairs. Inhaling deeply, he began to punch in another number he knew all too well, forever engraved in the back of his skull.

After a couple rings, the other end picked up with a gruff greeting.

"…Yes?"

The cold, almost impatient lack of pleasantry was all Tim needed to confirm he had indeed reached the right person.

"Bruce, it's me. …Barbara needs help."

…

When Barbara finally awoke, the first thing she spotted was Tim sitting on a reversed chair next to her, chin reposed idly on his forearms.

"Hey."

"…Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, I guess. …How long was I out?"

"The whole night. You were tossing and turning a lot."

She elevated gradually, sensing a moist towel fall from her crown onto the sheets in the process. Had he been nursing her this whole time?

As she tracked its descent, she saw she was still adhering to the Batarang as well. She blushed a bit at how babyish she must have seemed, to have to rely on something like this to calm her down.

"Um, thanks. …You can have this back now."

He relieved her of the improvised crutch, and in exchange he handed her a small vial of medication.

"Here, take this. It's similar to what Dr. Thompkins used to give me, but more concentrated. It's not a permanent cure, but it should help with the terrors. It'll likely knock you totally out for a few more days, but you won't have to suffer nightmares during it. If it doesn't work or you're still experiencing symptoms afterwards, call her and she'll adjust the dosage."

"You got this from Leslie?"

"Bruce did."

She gaped in astonishment.

"You actually spoke to him?"

"He just told me what I needed to know, then hung up and sent Alfred over with the stuff. …Typical, huh?"

His jaw drooped a little further into folds, as did his tired-looking lids.

"You're not the first Scarecrow victim to undergo relapses like this. It's rare, but everyone responds to the fear serum differently. Yours is a more severe case."

Barbara thought about how many others had to live their lives in a compromised state (or lost them entirely) all because of some psychopath who kept breaking out of Arkham – no matter how many times they put him back in – if not released through the revolving door due to (hell, courtesy of) all the corruption in the system. How many lives were really spared, while others still suffered because of their incompetence? Inconsequence.

"You know, sometimes I wonder: If what we were doing was ever really the right thing? After what happened with the earthquake… God, I don't know. Maybe this city is beyond hope. …In the end, did we even make any difference? Was it worth it – any of it? We've saved a bunch of people, sure, but at what cost? I mean, just look at us… We're a mess."

Tim simply shrugged.

"At least Dick's still doing okay over in Blüdhaven. And Bruce seems to be handling things fine on his own. Besides, it's not like he ever really needed us anyway. Because he's Batman."

Barbara observed as Tim toyed with the Batarang in his hands, balancing the tip on the chair back. She dropped her view towards the blankets.

"…You're not him, you know," she pronounced harshly. "You'll never be him."

Her own fingers fumbled with the damp napkin, and bottle of medicine, before looking up again with a smile.

"But, that's not a bad thing."

As she said this, she extended out to pat his cheek, noting the dark bags under his eyes. Had he even slept at all, she wondered? …Then again, she was probably taking up his bed, she realized with sudden embarrassment.

Tim seemed even more embarrassed by the affectionate contact, turning away with a cough. The memory of what she had done surged back to her cheeks, and she hastily detached, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, which bloomed a matching humiliated hue.

"Listen, about what happened last night…"

Tim merely waved off whatever she was about to say in advance.

"We were both drunk. It doesn't count."

"…You're awfully quick to dismiss." Detecting his fidgeting, she gleamed in comprehension. "Ah, don't tell me – you've never kissed anyone before?"

A pure pink tinge faintly colored his complexion, corroborating her suspicion.

"Ehehe, did I steal your first kiss, Boy Virgin?"

"Sh- shut up."

His flush deepened further.

"It's not like I've exactly had much opportunity to try it," he murmured in his defense. "…Besides, if we're counting that kind of thing, technically my first time would've been with Dick."

"Oh."

He sniped a sulk at her reaction.

"I gave him CPR once. What were you thinking?"

"Nothing," she declared innocently, hand hovering over her mouth to obstruct a snicker. "I bet this time was a lot better though. I'm sure you must've thoroughly enjoyed it, if not to some extent."

Tim averted his eyes again as she winked at him.

"Wh- who knows."

"Oh please. Don't deny you were the least bit curious. You think I never noticed you sneaking peeks while we were getting changed?"

Tim burned burgundy as he shifted sight down to his toes.

"I was 13. What'd you expect?"

She nodded sagely.

"You are a boy, after all. It's only natural for these things to occur."

She giggled in entertainment at his expense. When the chuckles died down, she checked the time on the alarm clock by the pillow.

"…I guess I should get going now. I'll need to call in to the station to tell them I'm taking the next days off."

He helped see her out. Standing awkwardly in the entrance, he rubbed his neck before addressing encouragingly.

"You're a great cop, Barb. You're gonna do a lot of good things for this city. I know you'll make it a better place."

She beamed.

"Thank you, Tim. …I'll start by confiscating 'this'."

She held up the contraband, which Roy had taken the liberty of hiding again, but there was no way he could outsmart a Bat, even if she wore a different symbol now.

"And I better not catch you with anything like this again, or I will take you in. Got it?"

Tim winced at the strict lecture and slap on the wrist, but nodded. Barbara softened as she reached around to envelop in a broad hug.

"…Don't be a stranger, Tim. You're the only one I can still talk to about all this."

He wavered, but kindly reciprocated the gesture. As she withdrew, she raised an arm to lightly pet his hair, discerning he had finally hit that growth spurt; he was almost at her height now.

"Listen. Someday, you're gonna meet someone special, who loves you just the way you are. And she's gonna be so lucky to have you in her life."

Tim scoffed.

"Yeah, right. Like that's ever gonna happen."

She took his hands in hers. Hands that still twitched and trembled every once in a while, as if afraid to even be touched. Hands that had, in his opinion, committed the greatest act of transgression, taking another's soul and doomed toll on his own – but had also toiled all night to keep changing her cool kerchief, tending and tenderly wiping her temple in enduring devotion to charitable ideals. That had prostrated and prayed, begging for a favor from "God" for her sake, subjugating self in spite of whatever spiteful feelings he bore towards said sore subject. …That had rescued so many lives at the risk of his own, without asking for any reward other than to have a place to call "home", and a "family" who cared for him as much as he did for them. (And even that had been mostly taken from him too, something for which she regretfully shared the blame.)

"Don't give up hope. Things will change. It's gonna get better. I promise."

She stooped forward to peck his cheek, before letting go.

"Thank you, again, for everything. I'll see you around, Tim."

"Yeah. See ya."

She left with a wave, and he halfheartedly did the same as he watched her go.

…

About a week later, after she'd fully recovered and gone back to work as good as new, she received an urgent call from Roy at the hospital.

…

Tim had tried to kill himself.

————————–

That sky glowed all calico, like phosphor in the sea To the ground we fall, she owns us all Kings and boys and beast Kings and boys and beast

#TimSteph #Tim Drake #Timmy Todd #Stephanie Brown #Barbara Gordon #Batman the Animated Series #Batman Beyond #DCAU #Return of the Joker #fanfiction #starstories #*prepares for pitchforks*

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gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic · 3 years

Text

It is a struggle for you to sleep throughout the night, you are envious of Karkat who is softly snoring beside you. Your whole body hurts and every time you move it just makes it worse. You think you have managed to sleep at least a couple hours but now it seems impossible for you to continue, every time you close your eyes to try to sleep you just get flashes of what happened yesterday. You heave a tired sigh and the air stings your tongue. You could really go for some water except you know that moving would hurt, drinking would probably hurt, and to top it off the water would probably just taste like char considering your potentially stupid idea of cauterizing your tongue wound. You don’t know which was worse, the taste of charred flesh or the taste of blood. Either way shit sucks.

After a few more minutes of watching Karkat sleep you decide you really want to get up. As cute as Karkat is while he sleeps you really can’t stand the idea of watching him drool onto his pillow for however many hours it is until morning. You take a deep breath, bracing for the pain that will undoubtedly come, then you slowly try to sit up. The pain in your ribs is immediate and sharp and leaves you gasping. You bite your lip hard to keep from making any noise as you glance down at Karkat making sure you didn’t wake him up. He’s still softly snoring, good. You really don’t want to bother him right now, he worries about you enough as it is and he deserves to rest.

You take a few ragged breaths trying to prepare yourself for the hard part. You’ve gotta get around Karkat to get out of the bed. From where you are sitting it almost feels like an impossible task and yet you still want to just get up. And so you oh so carefully, only allowing yourself to hiss softly in pain, manage to maneuver around Karkat and get out of the bed. The pain is agonizing and it takes all your strength to keep silent as you struggle to breathe. You lean slightly against the frame of the bunkbed for support for what feels like an eternity until you get your breathing under control. Finally you slowly make your way to the bedroom door and exit the room into the lounge area. Every step is still painful but thankfully no where near as bad as it was getting out of the bed.

You manage to make your way over to the little kitchen and very carefully manage to pour yourself a glass of water. You hesitate a bit looking down at the water. You are super thirsty but your previous worries rise up again. You sigh a bit defeated, you wish you at least had a straw or something, anything really that could help bypass the fucked up tip of your tongue but as it happens you’ve got nothing. Knowing you’ll have to drink eventually you take a small sip of the water and immediately regret it. The taste is about as bad as you anticipated but the pain shocks you and you choke a bit. Coughing is agony and the pain knocks you to your fucking knees. You struggle to put an end to your coughing, anything to stop the pain. You are trembling uncontrollably and the next thing you know you are crying and you can’t fucking stop. Everything is so painful and a wave of despair washes over you.

You vaguely hear the door behind you open and close, then soft footsteps padding up to you. Someone kneels next to you and somewhat hesitantly places their hand on your back. You curl further into yourself unable to stop your sobbing. You try to get it together but you just can’t. Whoever is next to you just reassuringly rubs your back as you cry. You don’t know how long you kneel there sobbing but eventually your sobs turn to soft occasional whimpers and sniffles. Finally you look up to whoever is next to you expecting it to be Karkat but no, it’s Tavros. You manage a weak and slurred: “‘m s-sorry..”

Tavros is looking at you with eyes overflowing with pity and worry. You quickly look away from him, instead choosing to look at the tiled floor. You don’t feel like you deserve his pity. It seems to take Tavros a moment to decipher what you said but he eventually gets it. “O-oh uh, you’re okay Gamzee, uh, you don’t have to uh, apologize.”

You shake your head slightly then search your pockets for your phone. You know you cannot vocalize what you mean so you need to type it out but your phone is not in your pockets. You must have put it on Karkat’s nightstand or something. You sigh. “Your pho…”

You growl in frustration, you can’t make n sounds. You mime the actions of using a phone and thankfully Tavros seems to get what you want quickly. “Oh, you need a phone? Uh, here’s mine I guess.”

He unlocks his phone and hands it to you. You quickly navigate to notes to type what you need to say. “I’m sorry if I woke you up, you can go back to sleep, I’ll be ok.”

You hand the phone back to him so he can read your message. “Uh, well frankly I uh never went to sleep.” You glance over at him and he is blushing slightly looking a bit embarrassed. “I was uh, worried about you so I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to uh, make you feel weird though. But uh, I-I don’t really believe you are uh ok, and I don’t appreciate uh, you lying about that. You sound like you are uh, in a lot of pain and while I am um, not your moirail, nor do I want to be um obviously, I still want you to know I am here for you.”

You look back down to the tiled floor to avoid looking at him, your eyes burning with unshed tears again. After a moment he passes his phone back to you no doubt wanting to know what you are thinking. Reluctantly you type another message. “I’m sorry you pity a fucked up freak like me who can’t even speak properly, I don’t deserve your pity. I’m a motherfucking fuckup and I deserved everything that happened to me.”

Ah dammit, you are crying again as you pass the phone back to Tavros. You stare down at the blurry tiled floor, refusing to look at Tavros even when he gasps slightly at what he reads. “No!”

You shrink away from him at his angry tone, you’ve never really heard him sound angry like that before. Noticing your reaction Tavros softens his tone. “I’m sorry Gamzee, but uh, you don’t uh, get to decide if you deserve my pity or not. I decide that, not uh, you. A-And uh, I don’t really know what happened to um, to you, but uh, I can’t imagine uh, any reason anyone should have hurt you.” He sniffles a bit then continues.

“But uh, I don’t care if you can’t really speak, you can uh, obviously still communicate with me. So um, we can work on it okay?”

Silently you continue to stare down at the tiled floor, you notice the floor is wet, you must have dropped the cup of water earlier. “Gamzee…. Please look at me.”

You hesitate then follow Tavros’s soft command and look at him. He has a few tear-streaks going down his face and you are hit with a pang of guilt. You didn’t mean to hurt him. Slowly, as if he might startle you, he raises his hand to your face and wipes away your tears. “Ok, uh, if it is ok with you, can we move over to the couch maybe?”

You watch his eyes search your face, his gaze stopping at every visible bruise on your face till it reaches the bruising around your neck. Your heart aches at the pain written all over his face. “Maybe you can let me uh, look at your wounds. Um, maybe there’s something I can do to help?”

You doubt that, but you are too tired to really argue with him, nor does he offer you his phone to allow you to do so. You look over to the couch, realistically you know it's not far but it feels as though it’s miles away. You sigh a little. “Uh, don’t worry I’ll uh, try to help. I don’t uh, mean to cause you more pain but I think the couch would be more comfortable for you.”

You nod weakly and watch as he stands up so easily, it makes you a bit envious. He somewhat awkwardly offers you his hands to help you stand up. You take his hands and slowly and painfully stand up. You breathing is ragged by the time you make it over to the couch and sitting back down was almost as painful as standing. Tavros of course was by your side guiding you the whole way but even he can’t erase your pain. Tavros sits beside you allowing you to catch your breath before bothering you. Tavros, a bit more assertively than you anticipated, starts lifting the hem of your shirt only stopping when he hears your breath hitch. “Oh uh, sorry, I should’ve asked. Um, is this ok?”

You hesitate a bit, but nod and allow him to take your shirt the rest of the way off. Your face heats a bit as his eyes rove across your naked torso. You look away from him somewhat self-conscious, this isn’t really a situation where you ought to be self-conscious but you can’t help it. You flinch as his hand touches your side. His hand is warm against your cooler skin, it’s soft and feels pleasant. If this were any other time you’d probably be ecstatic honestly, but at this moment it makes you feel a bit queasy. His hand drifts up a bit further and lightly brushes against one of your grub scars making you shiver. He murmurs a soft apology and his hand drifts down instead, away from the sensitive area. However your discomfort grows again as you feel his hand stop at your hip and you hear his breath hitch. You look over to see what caught his attention there. This whole time you’ve tried to avoid looking at yourself so you are shocked by how battered and bruised you are.

Your sides are splotched black and purple looking as painful as it feels. You also never noticed that you have various cuts on your body, you don’t recall them happening but to be fair, a lot was going on. But most prominently, right where Tavros’s hand had stopped, were handprint shaped bruises on your hips. A whimper escapes you at the sight and you have to look away, your eyes burn with tears once again and you struggle to breathe evenly. “Oh Gamzee…”

His voice is full of understanding and it makes you feel sick. Of all the people to know the specifics about what happened, you wanted him to know the least. He must understand now that you are used, broken, dirty. Once again tears slip down your face and you struggle to keep from hyperventilating, the pain in your ribs sharp and stabbing. A choked whimper is all you can manage as Tavros gently slips his arms around you holding you against him in a comforting embrace. You cling to him as you desperately try to calm yourself down. The feeling of him, so warm and inviting, is so at odds of those who had hurt you. He comforts you until you calm down once again. You wish you weren’t such a mess, you really didn’t want Tavros to think you are such a cry grub. “Hey um, Gamzee? Is it uh, okay if I get up and grab some stuff?”

You sniffle a bit and nod before shifting away a bit to allow him space to get up. He gets up and heads back in to the bedroom for a few moments before returning with a first aid kit and a blanket. You cock your head and look at the blanket a bit confused. “Oh uh, I figured uh, we could watch tv or something but uh, it gets a bit chilly so I brought the blanket. Um, anyway before I dress your injuries or anything I was thinking that um, Rose mentioned getting some high strength pain killers from uhh, her mom for emergencies and uh, this could qualify as one so, I was gonna go ask her for some okay?”

You shrug and gesture towards his phone as he walks over. He places the blanket down beside you and the first aid kit on the coffee table before handing you the phone. “While that sounds good Tav, I really don’t think I could manage to down any motherfuckin pills right now.”

“Yeah, I uh, guess you had trouble drinking before.” He glances at the water on the floor.

Your face heats a bit and you nod before typing out another response. “Yeah, drinking was more painful than I expected. Maybe if I had a motherfuckin straw or somethin I could make it work but we don’t have any.”

“I could uh, see if they have one while I’m uh, there?”

You shrug again but he seems to have made up his mind. “Just uh, wait here, I’ll be right back.”

He leaves the suite and you are left with your thoughts. Everything still feels really bleak to you but you are glad of course that both Karkat and Tavros are still with you, supporting you. Karkat was a given but you were worried about whether Tavros was going to feel differently about you knowing what happened. You gather that Tavros, after seeing those bruises, has a good idea about what happened at least in part. Honestly you can’t help but wonder what he thinks about it all, but asking him would require admitting that you were in fact assaulted. You sigh, this is all exhausting and confusing.

You hear the door open and look over to see that Tavros has returned. He smiles broadly and presents both a bottle of pills and a straw. You can’t help but to chuckle and he seems so excited it makes your heart melt. He sets the pill bottle and straw down before getting you another glass of water. Cup in hand he returns to the couch and sits next to you. He hands you the cup and grabs the pill bottle. He opens it and retrieves two pills. You grab the straw and hesitantly take an experimental sip of water. The straw itself hurts when it touches your tongue but the act of drinking definitely is easier. “Do you think you’ll uh, be able to take the pills then?”

You nod, it may be a bit difficult but at least with the ability to drink something you think you can manage. He hands you the pills and you manage to take them with only a minor amount of pain and discomfort. Tavros looks relieved. “Good, hopefully they will uh, kick in fast so you aren’t um, in too much pain.”

He grabs the first aid kit and opens it grabbing disinfectant wipes, antibiotics, and bandages. “I uh, was thinking I can um, take care of all the cuts and stuff. Then um, I think either heat or uh, cold can help with uh, your ribs.”

He pulls out both a heat pack and a cold compress. You don’t particularly want to be cold so you point to the heat pack and he nods putting the cold compress away. He, as gently as he possibly can, cleans and bandages up all the cuts he can see on your arms or torso. You don’t know if you have any cuts or injuries on your legs or elsewhere but he seems to understand that you’d probably be unwilling to remove your pants so he doesn’t ask you too. Once your visible wounds are dressed he takes the heat pack and heats it up using the microwave, then he returns to you and gently presses it against your side earning a soft hiss from you. Though the pain is definitely reduced because of the pain killers it is still quite sore. He murmurs a soft apology and you nod.

The heat does eventually help though and finally for the first time on this night you feel almost pain free. Tavros turns the TV on and drapes the blanket over the two of you before snuggling up against you. You slide your arm around him holding him gently against you, it’s not exactly ideal as he is pressing against your side and it's a bit painful but the painkillers have made it bearable so you accept the pain. The two of you sit in silence for a while, you think that neither of you are really paying attention to whatever is playing on the TV, some murder documentary you think, you are too focused on the feeling of him against you. You feel all tingly, but also a bit tense and anxious. You aren’t sure what you should do.

You are so caught up in thinking what you should or shouldn’t be doing that it catches you by surprise when you feel his hand trail across your chest. Your breath hitches for a second and you look over at him but he’s still watching the TV. At first his touch seems innocent, just staying on your chest. But then his hand drifts near your side and his thumb brushes up against your grub scars. You shiver at the touch, it’s a pleasurable feeling but also it makes you a bit nervous and nauseous. As if judging your reaction and deeming it positive enough he more intently rubs his thumb against your grub scars. You look back towards him to protest but then the next thing you know is that his mouth is against yours as he kisses you.

You of course melt into the kiss, how could you not if it’s Tavros kissing you. You are so full of conflicting emotions, on one hand this is what you want, Tavros is sitting here kissing you so he must still feel red for you! Right? But on the other hand while the feeling of his hands against you is fantastic, miraculous even, but it also feels wrong. You want it to feel right but everything feels wrong, how can you sit here with Tav’s hands touching you when only mere hours ago someone else… You don’t want to continue that thought.

Tavros trails kisses from your mouth down to your neck and you can feel heat rising to your face especially when he lightly nips your neck drawing a soft sound from you. He runs his hands back over your grub scars making you squirm, the dulled pain from the movement intermingled with the pleasure making it almost… better? It definitely makes you feel a whole lotta somethin’. You hear him chuckle softly before he peppers more little kisses along your neck. His hand finally leaves your sensitive grub scars and it drifts downwards, down from your side to your stomach then down furth- you grab his wrist stopping his southward progression, his fingers stopping just above the waistband of your pants.

He looks up at you, his beautiful brown eyes are full not of uncertainty but of determination. Saying nothing he kisses you again, muffling your whimper of protest. The kiss is gentle, not forceful, yet it contains a silent order, no, request maybe, which after a bit of hesitation you obey and let go of his wrist. You don’t really know why you obey, maybe it’s because he’s never been so assertive before, maybe it’s because you are all broken up inside, or maybe because you know he wouldn’t hurt you. His hand, now free to do as he pleases, slides under the waistband of your pants. His hand while warm on your chest feels a bit cold contrasted by the emanating heat along your hips.

Finally, finally, his fingertips brush against your semi emerging bulge and a nervous whine exits your throat. If your face could burst into flame now would be the time that’s how hard you feel like you must be blushing. Tav just smiles that adorable smile of his except his usual innocence seems replaced with mischief then rests his head against your shoulder, a bit awkwardly with his horns, and returns to feigning watching the TV. All the while his hands wreak havoc on any composure you have left as he teases your bulge into emerging fully. It wraps around his hand as he toys with the base making you shiver with pleasure. Ok maybe this is fine, he’s not touching you where everything hurts.

He plays with you leisurely, slow and teasing, definitely not in a hurry to get anywhere. You are definitely struggling to not make any noise but it's nearly impossible to control your ragged breathing and you think he’s enjoying making you squirm. Your breathing hitches every time his fingers brush over the particularly sensitive underside of your bulge. He looks up at you with a cheeky little grin and you can’t help but to gently grab his face and kiss him. This kiss unlike the last one is full of desperation on your part, this need to touch him, to kiss him, is consuming. He returns this kiss readily enough, it feels like he’s smiling against your mouth even. This feeling is intoxicating, that is until two of his fingers slip down and slide into your slick nook.

You gasp and let out a choked whimper, you were not expecting him to just go for it. He surprises you yet again by biting your neck, both actions are painful, albeit dully. The bite surprises you in more ways than one, of course you didn’t expect it, and it's also a very territorial action and not something you expected of Tav. You let out a pitiful, even for you, whine. While you don’t particularly mind the bite, the feel of his fingers inside of you is uncomfortable. He shushes you and kisses the bite mark he left on your neck. You huff a bit as his fingers shift inside of you, seemingly searching for something.

“Hold on” He murmurs softly as if knowing you were about to push him away. You grumble half heartedly, you’ll allow him just a moment more before you well and truly can handle no more of this. But he barely needs a moment before he finds what he was seeking, his fingers brush along the upper walls of your nook until he finds the most sensitive spot inside of you. You gasp and your bulge squeezes his wrist most definitely confirming that he’s found the right spot. He chuckles, sounding pleased by your reaction.

“Better?”

He rubs the spot intently, earning a soft moan from you in response. You hear his breath hitch at the sound and it's as if a switch had been flipped. Now he seems determined to draw as many noises from you as possible and despite your best efforts to be quiet he is definitely succeeding. You are glad now of the TV being on as it is mostly masking any noises you make from potential unwanted listeners. At least you hope so. You lift his chin in order to kiss him again, his face is tinged with an orange-brown flush of color and you can feel the heat emanating from his face as you kiss him. You slide your hand up to the side of his head and gently rub the base of one of his horns and you feel him shiver. Your breathing becomes more ragged the closer and closer you come to—- Suddenly he stops with a gasp.

With record speed his fingers exit your nook and he distangles his hand from your bulge. You whine with confusion wondering why he stopped. But then you hear it, footsteps from the bedroom and the unmistakable voice of Karkat. Tavros damn near scoots a whole foot away from you just as the door slams open and a disheveled panicked Karkat enters the lounge. He looks visibly relieved as soon as he sees you and you quickly school your face into tired innocence. “Gamzee don’t scare me like that!”

He goes off on a rant about safety or whatever, you aren’t paying attention. You’re still processing what was just happening not a minute earlier. You glance over at Tavros and watch as he, with Karkat paying no attention, licks his fingers and smiles mischievously. Motherfuck.

(End note: My friend made this meme for the end of the chapter and I think its funny so here ya go)

#chapter 8

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