#repeat for 2 weeks nobody's on speaking terms but they know about each others' personal lives to the tiniest detail | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lesbianlotties · 3 years

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five times Deena and Sam met in secret (and one time they didn’t) - Chapter 2

Chapters: 2/6 Fandom: Fear Street Trilogy (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Fraser/Deena Johnson Characters: Deena Johnson, Samantha "Sam" Fraser (Fear Street) Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, High School, Cheerleaders, Band, Teenagers, Teen Romance, First Meetings, First Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Fluff, Happy Ending

Secrets.

Deena and Sam met by accident. They fell in love in secret.

But how long can they last together like that?

Chapter 2:

Sam walked out of her classroom with full confidence, chin up, and a straight face. As she walked the empty hallways of the school though, her courage started to waver. Her shoulders tensed, her hands tightened into fists, and she was looking around nervously. All the doors were closed, all the students and teachers were in class. She just had to round one more corner. Why did she have a faint feeling of being observed? Followed? What if…

“Sam!”

The blonde let out a small shriek and jumped in place when someone called her name and wrapped a pair of arms around her. Her moment of panic was instantly over though. She knew that voice, those arms, that smell, and that tickle of a wild mane of hair.

“Deena! What the hell?! You scared me!” Sam whispered-yelled, clutching the arms still holding on to her.

“I’m sorry!” Deena defended herself, though she was still laughing. She rested her chin on Sam’s shoulder and added, “I couldn’t help it. You looked terrified, babe.”

The accidental term of endearment, not for the first time, left Sam speechless. That moment of silence was more than enough to make both girls keenly aware of their positions. Which, in turn, paralyzed them even more. It was just a few seconds, but it was more than enough for their minds to run. Images of the past few weeks flashing through. Passing looks in the hallways, staring at each other from across classrooms, secret smiles. Clandestine meetings under the bleachers, where they grew closer and closer, where they got to know each other. Separately, long nights in each of their beds, unable to sleep, unable to put together the clues, unwilling to think of anything but each other. If it was too late to turn back the moment their eyes met, now that they actually knew each other, it would be impossible to go back to the way things were, to the way they used to be. Because now Deena knew the exact soft texture of Sam’s sweaters. Sam knew the smell of the cologne Deena stole from her dad. Even worse, they just found out that Sam fitted perfectly in Deena’s arms.

“Sorry,” Deena blurted out nervously when both of them simultaneously snapped from their thoughts and hastily stepped away from each other. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, but felt compelled to add, “for scaring you.”

“It’s okay,” Sam replied. She tried to stand taller, even if she was blushing and nervously pushing her hair behind her ear. “So, um, where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Deena answered, her expression lighting up with a smile that was just mischievous enough to make the other girl feel like she could faint.

Deena gathered all her courage and reached out to lightly grab Sam’s hand and lead her along the way. Before she had a chance to overthink her move, fear if her hands were sweaty, or even take more than two steps, her boldness backfired on her. As it often did, whenever Sam was involved. Because then it was Sam who fixed her grip on Deena’s hand so their fingers interlocked. Deena could only hope Sam didn’t hear the small gasp she let out upon realizing how perfectly their hands fit together.

Despite the underlying bravery of Sam’s actions, she hadn’t yet overcome some very important barriers. Her fear, at the time, still rose to the surface. “Deena! Where are we going? What if someone sees us?” She asked in whispers that were sounding exponentially more alarmed.

“Relax,” Deena chuckled, looking over her shoulder at Sam. “As if this wasn’t your idea in the first place.”

“Um, excuse me,” Sam hurried up so she could look the brunette in the eyes when she frowned at her. “I only said I… uh…”

“Missed me?”

“I said I wish we could see each other more,” Sam tried to speak with a nonchalant tone. “I didn’t mean we should skip class and risk getting detention and- Where did you get that?!”

“I have very resourceful friends,” Deena smirked.

She had pulled out from the back pocket of her pants a key to a janitor’s closet. The place may or may not have had a secret spot where a box filled with drugs was kept for a certain friend’s business. It wasn’t the most perfect location, but at least nobody would bother them there. Deena was just desperate for a moment of privacy with Sam. If she could have just one moment… She just needed to know… Anyway, with all the classrooms in use, and Sam’s fears too heavy to carry too far, they had few options. They still hadn’t even talked about meeting outside of school yet, and it wouldn’t be easy, they already knew. They had a still unofficial secret that was already too big to easily sneak into public places or either of their homes. So, a janitor’s closet it was. Not perfect. But perfectly worth it, if only for the way Sam instantly relaxed when they stepped inside and leaned her back against the locked door as if it was enough to keep any monsters out and away from them.

“You’re crazy,” Sam shook her head fondly at Deena. They couldn’t tear their eyes away from each other. Although there was a solitary lightbulb hanging above them, Sam’s slightly playful smile could have illuminated the small room perfectly fine. In fact, in Deena’s mind, that smile alone could light up all of Shadyside. “Alright, rockstar, you got me here. Now what?”

First, Deena rolled her eyes. She played drums, begrudgingly at most, but Sam had latched on to the nickname. And she looked so blissfully proud to tease Deena, that Deena had to keep pretending to be annoyed and hide how much she’d come to love that little detail. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Deena chuckled, carefully taking one step closer, “Do you want to leave?”

“No,” Sam slowly shook her head.

She was biting her bottom lip to hold back a smile, making the girl in front of her wonder if she could possibly suspect the effect that small action had on her. Sam could feel her entire body buzzing with energy, and nerves, but surprisingly, she wasn’t afraid in the slightest. She knew she should be afraid, but she was just eager to ride to the top of the rollercoaster and see what the view was like up there, regardless of how far she could fall down next. She liked that feeling, and she couldn’t ignore the fact that it happened only when she was alone with Deena.

“Then what do you want?”

When Deena asked that question, she took another step closer. Closer than they had ever stood with each other. She noticed Sam make a sharp intake of breath, and shift in place so she was standing straight, pressed against the door, seeing Deena eye to eye.

“I won’t say it,” Sam replied. Her words were barely a sigh. The ghost of a smirk was still hanging to her lips. But she couldn’t keep her eyes from glancing at Deena’s lips.

Upon noticing this, Deena licked her lips. In the back of her mind, she was faintly worried Sam could hear how hard her heart was beating. She could confidently say this was the most nerve-wracking moment of her life. But no matter how scared she could be, the feelings she had developed for Sam would always overshadow those fears. They might have been so close already, but then Deena raised her arm and rested her palm on the door beside Sam’s head. She leaned in closer.

“Say it,” Deena said, willing her voice to stay steady.

“I can’t,” Sam sighed.

An instant later, Sam was kissing Deena.

She had just instinctively pushed away from the door, crashed her lips against Deena’s, and changed both their lives forever. The kiss wasn’t perfect, but it was sweet. It carried as much desperation as it did trust. It was weeks of yearning. In every look, in every fleeting touch, in every thought. So much wondering. So much wanting. So much wishing. If they had waited any longer it would have suffocated them. But that aggression was swiftly vanished by the tenderness of it. Of course they were both nervous, but they trusted each other. Whatever the outcome of the kiss, regardless of how each of them felt afterward, that kiss became an official secret. And secrets can be weaponized. Not if you kiss the right person though. By kissing Deena, Sam was telling her ‘I don’t know what will happen next, but I trust you’ll never use this to hurt me’. It was an act of trust. The instant Deena started kissing her back, she was replying ‘This secret is now ours. We’re in this together.” The kiss, however, was barely long enough for Deena to reciprocate.

Sam pulled back hastily, knocking her back against the door, looking down and breathing heavily.

“Sam,” Deena gasped. She looked incredibly surprised for someone that had pretty much orchestrated every detail so this moment could happen. But living in Shadyside, and being who she was, Deena had learned to keep her dreams on a short leash, keep low expectations and the bar close to the ground to avoid disappointments. No matter how badly she’d wanted Sam, she knew she shouldn’t have expected anything to happen, really. Let alone Sam being the one to kiss her. Even if Sam couldn’t look at her now. “Sam?” Deena repeated, in a much softer tone, so cautious that not many people would’ve believed that was still Deena Johnson.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

Then she wasn’t just looking away, she closed her eyes tightly to hold back tears. Was that kiss the best thing she had ever experienced? Yes, without a doubt. But it also confirmed a long series of complicated feelings and realizations about herself that she had trouble accepting. Things that she knew would make her life very difficult as soon as she stepped out of that small room. However, she was still there, with Deena, and now Deena was very carefully placing her hand on her jaw. Deena’s fingers were barely grazing Sam’s skin with how delicate she was trying to be. But just the smallest push and Sam was looking up at her again. Unshed tears and unmeasurable fear shining in those pretty blue eyes. Deena’s heart ached and swelled. In one heavy hit, she had to accept her feelings for Sam were larger than she even imagined.

“Sam, it’s okay. I…” Deena whispered, but she felt at a loss for words. Her other hand also came up to gently cradle Sam’s face, her thumb soothingly caressing her rosy cheek. “Are you okay?”

A second before, Sam had felt on the edge of breaking down. But with Deena’s gentle hands holding her, wasn’t she unbreakable? Invincible? Didn’t she trust her wholeheartedly? Sam gave a shaky exhale, staring into loving brown eyes, and tentatively put her hands on Deena’s waist. Before speaking, she took one deep and encouraging breath.

“Deena,” Sam asked, “Can you kiss me again?”

It was nearly magical, the way all worries faded from Deena’s face as soon as she heard those words. She tilted her head and started smiling. That very smile that stole Sam’s heart from the very first day.

“Technically, Sam,” Deena started saying as she leaned in closer, “You were the one who kissed me.”

That earned a small laugh from Sam. Suddenly, the weight of the world was gone. The heaviness of their secret was put down for a moment. Everything turned light and lively like the feeling of butterflies fluttering in their stomachs. Sam started smiling brightly again, if only for one second, before Deena kissed her. Again, and again, and again.

#posting chapter 2 here bc im starving for attention as usual :)#fear street #fear street fanfic #deena x sam #sameena #my fic

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irishseeeker · 3 years

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rules don’t apply - chapter three

Having a crush on your boss is embarrassing. Inappropriate. Wrong. Especially when your boss is Anthony Bridgerton, the most insufferable man on the planet whom you actively despise.

What does Kate have to say on the matter?

…No comment.

read chapter 1 here or here

read chapter 2 here or here

chapter 3: hold onto your leash

“Kate.”

Kate didn’t know where she was. She was sitting in a chair behind a wooden desk, which was covered with various files, a laptop and multiple picture frames. The frames were blurred and she couldn’t make out the faces. Everything looked familiar, but she felt completely out of place. Something felt..off. Everything looked fuzzy, her vision was slightly blurred and the air slightly darker, as if there was a shadow over her.

She noticed him then, he stood in front of her, glowing like an angel.

She could see him crystal clear.

What was Anthony Bridgerton doing in her office?

He wasn’t wearing his usual work attire. He was wearing the suit he wore at the gala, except his collar was untucked and loose, his tie no longer wrapped around his neck.

His lips were slightly swollen, tints of red smudged across his pink lips.

Her reflection became clear in a small compact mirror open on her desk. More importantly, she could see the bright red lipstick slightly smudged on her lips.

What was going on?

His voice sent shivers down her spine as he said her name, enunciating each letter, his voice low, rough like gravel.

“What do you want, Kate?”

She opened her mouth but she couldn’t speak, nothing would come out. All she could do was gape as he walked towards her, around her desk, slowly coming to a stop as he stood in front of her. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his muscular forearms.

He moved closer, she could count the splatter of freckles across his nose as he closed the inches between their lips. One, two, three, four, five-

Kate woke up with a gasp. Newton let out a whine beside her, scowling at being woken up.

“Sorry bud,” She said, her breath hot and heavy as she scratched her corgi’s ears.

She did not just dream of Anthony Bridgerton. He was her worst nightmare.

Kate grabbed her phone, flicking open her google app and tapping impatiently at the screen as she typed her search.

What does it mean when you have a dream about your boss?

She flung her phone away from her, hearing it land on the duvet. What the bloody hell was she doing?

Kate had spent the previous day in bed with her sister, staying off her phone and eating takeaway while they watched movies all day. She needed any distraction from the article published. She even let Edwina convince her to do some yoga on Youtube. When she did pick up her phone last night, she flicked through some of the comments left under the article.

I thought you had to be pretty to be a gold digger?

Her sister is much prettier than she is

who even is she?

She quickly opened another bottle of wine to distract herself from the sinking feeling in her stomach.

How could she ever show her face in work again? What would everybody think? There was absolutely no truth to that article, but the truth had never been something people were concerned about when reading gossip.

Kate was hardly a scandal, she was a nobody. Anthony Bridgerton, on the other hand, was not.

She eventually got out of bed, washing her hair and exfoliating away the anxiety and dread that clung to her skin. She ate breakfast with Newton after getting dressed, opening her balcony doors and leaning against the railing as she looked out at London on a Sunday morning.

The air was bitter but the sun was shining despite it being winter, and Kate needed to clear her head and walk Newton. She texted Edwina, who suggested they grab a coffee and walk in the park. Edwina was a morning person, she had already been up for hours and had been to a pilates class.

Kate, on the other hand, had to set five alarms to get up on time and considered her walk to work sufficient exercise.

Cameras started flashing everywhere. Her eyes stung as the flashes started to blind her, she could barely make out Newton barking at her feet or the swarms of people waving a camera in her face.

“Kate Sheffield!”

“Kate, when did you and Anthony Bridgerton start dating?”

“Is it serious?”

“Will we be hearing wedding bells soon?”

Kate momentarily froze, gaping at the blinding flashes. What the hell was going on? How did they know where she lived?

“This is private property. You need to leave right now.” Her neighbour, a middle aged woman called Agnes Danbury, had appeared at her side. The woman tended to appear out of nowhere, trapping you in a conversation that wouldn’t finish until she was done. Kate actually liked her a lot, the woman just scared her a little. “Go out the back, darling. Through the car park.”

Kate hastily turned around and ran back into the building, down the steps and to the car park. She exited through the back entrance, which led to an empty road. She sprinted down the end of her road, away from the photographers and down the steps to her tube station. She got lost in the swarm of people in the busy station and by the time she turned around, panting, she did not see a camera in sight. She put her sunglasses on, pulled her beanie down lower on her head and cuddled Newton to her chest.

She wasn’t bothered after that, the ride on the tube and arrival at Hyde Park station was uneventful. Kate was shaken and paranoid as she glanced around her, but no one actually cared about her. It was Bridgerton they cared about. Newton was happily toddling along beside her as they entered the park gates. Edwina was on the other side of the park, near the pond, waiting with their coffees.

“Kate?”

The blood in her veins turned cold. She knew that voice anywhere. It was the unfortunate voice that she had become accustomed to hearing five days a week, a voice she did not get paid enough to listen to, a voice she could not get out of her head and now dreams.

Anthony Bridgerton stood behind her, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead as he stood in front of her. He had clearly been running, his flushed cheeks and damp t-shirt clung to his skin.

He looked good.

Why did he have to look good?

This was not the time to get distracted, Kate.

“Are you following me?” Kate managed to speak, flexing her fingers that weren’t holding Newton’s lead.

“What?” She couldn’t read his face. He didn’t look displeased to see her, which he usually did-but he didn’t look happy, either. He looked pensive. If she had seen him first, she would have run in the opposite direction or hid behind a tree.

He, for some reason, had approached her.

“Are you following me?” She repeated, bending down to scratch Newton’s ears. She needed something to do other than blankly stare at him.

“Why would I be following you?”

“Oh, so this is just a coincidence then?”

“I run in this park everyday,” Anthony said, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. “I have lived near it for years. So, yes. This is purely a coincidence.”

“Alright.” That was slightly embarrassing, but Kate was more preoccupied with getting away from him, getting away from this conversation and getting away from the thoughts spiraling in her head.

“Kate, wait.”

“No.”

“What?” He sounded exasperated, letting out a deep sigh as he appeared at her side.

“I am not doing this,” She said, gesturing between them. “We’re in public. Someone could see. I do not have the mental capacity to deal with you right now.”

“I presume you saw the article,” He said, putting his right foot on a bench to tie his shoelace. He looked completely unbothered, as if the events in the last two days hadn’t had any affect on his life whatsoever.

Two could play that game.

She just wouldn’t play it looking directly at him because he was bent over slightly and his shorts were rather right, which gave Kate the perfect view of his rather nice-

Kate, no.

“What article?” Kate simply shrugged her shoulders, her eyes flickering around the park. She didn’t see any photographers or anything unusual, which made it slightly easier to breathe. She needed to find Edwina and get away from him.

“Don’t play stupid, it doesn’t suit you.”

Kate narrowed her eyes. “You really have a way with women, don’t you?”

“My ways have never failed me before,” He replied, smirking smugly at her.

She mimed gagging. “It’s a Sunday. We are not working. I have no obligation whatsoever to talk to you.”

Anthony simply rolled his eyes.

It was incredible how she could be so attracted and annoyed by a man at the same time.

“Could we try to have a civilized, mature conversation? For once?” His voice was almost pleading, he still had his usual stern, arrogant tone but there was a hint of desperation in it.

He might actually feel bad.

“I don’t know, can we?” Kate mimicked him, making a sour face. She may be the problem here. She swiftly changed the subject.

“There were a lot of photographers outside of my flat. How did they figure out where I live?” Kate still hadn’t figured that out and it worried her beyond belief. She might stay at Mary’s for the next few days, Edwina’s flat was too small for anything more than a night.

Anthony’s face fell and he looked as if he felt bad for her. “You would be surprised how quickly the media can work. I’m sorry that happened, I really am.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.

“The article doesn’t mean anything, Kate.”

“That is quite easy for you to say. Do you have any idea how this looks for me? You’re my boss. It’s inappropriate. I have to go to work tomorrow and face everyone. It’s mortifying. What everyone is probably thinking-” Kate would usually be embarrassed by such a display of emotions, how high pitched her voice was and the anguish in her face-but she wasn’t even thinking about that.

She was slowly coming to terms with the consequences of the events of this weekend.

The realization hit her and she felt quite faint.

It was that or the sprint to the tube station earlier-she was really unfit.

“I’m going to have to quit and move to Australia.”

“What?” Anthony said, his eyes bulging out his eye sockets as he stared in bewilderment at her. “You’re not quitting-what?”

If he hadn’t thought she was mad before, that ship had definitely sailed. Anthony’s voice had increased a pitch as he spoke and he looked scared.

“I don’t do well in hot climates. I grew up in Somerset, where it rains most of the year, for fuck sake. I’m also not a fan of spiders and snakes.” Kate groaned, covering her eyes with her hands. “They’re the size of Newton over there. My sister still has to remove them from my flat.”

“Would you calm down?”

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” Kate said, shaking her head profusely. “That’s the one thing you don’t say when you want someone to calm down. I have no reason to be calm.”

“You’re not moving to Australia,” Anthony said, trying to give her a reassuring look but it just came across as him looking slightly constipated. “It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks. Our personal relationship has nothing to do with our professional relationship. If anyone in work has anything to say, they can say it directly to me. Then they’ll get fired.”

It was Kate’s turn to roll her eyes and snort. “There’s definitely a human resources issue in there. Oh, well, that makes everything better than. Problem sorted.”

He was rather calm about the whole situation, really. It was infuriating. “Those gossip articles mean nothing, Kate. It will blow over in a few days and everybody will move onto the next story. That’s how it works.”

“That’s just amazing. I’ll just be known as another notch on your bed frame. I’ll have to add that to my CV.”

“I have a lot more experience with this than you,” Anthony said, his mouth forming a flat line. “I have been subjected to this for years-I do know what I’m talking about.”

“Yes, well, I haven’t. I never asked to be. It’s my worst nightmare. There were cameras outside of my flat this morning. They knew where I lived. That is terrifying. The comments online were much kinder to you than they were to me.”

“I know.” He actually sounded sincere and she felt a pang of guilt for being so rude to him. A slight pang of guilt. “I wanted to reach out and apologize. I wasn’t sure if it would make it worse to hear from me, given that we have never exactly seen eye to eye. I was going to speak with you tomorrow at work. I’ll send security to your flat tomorrow for when you go to work.”

Kate scoffed, rolling her eyes. Honestly, rich people. “I don’t need security.”

“Yes you do. They’ll harass you for a few days and then eventually stop. It’s not a discussion, Kate. This is a safety issue.”

“Okay. Fine.” Kate conceded, letting out a deep breath. If he really was concerned, that worried her. She wasn’t used to this type of attention. “Thank you. Send me the bill.”

How much was security? She’d had a shop online last night after a few glasses of wine and had bought clothes she definitely didn’t need, and her bank account had been hit hard.

It was his turn to scoff. “You are not going to pay.”

“I am going to pay-” Kate protested, but Anthony didn’t let her finish.

“Do you argue over everything? Or is this special treatment just reserved for me?”

“You do pay me to argue. Maybe work on your personality and I wouldn’t argue with you so much.” “Thank you, though-but only this time.”

Newton barked loudly. They broke eye contact with each other and stared down at Newton, whose tongue was wagging happily out of his mouth. He circled around Anthony, jumping up and down eagerly.

“He’s a bit overweight.”

Kate’s jaw dropped and she gasped. “You are so rude. He’s a corgi, his rolls keep him warm! He probably heard that!”

“He’s a dog.” Anthony glanced down at Newton, quite unimpressed.

Of course Anthony Bridgerton didn’t like dogs. He probably didn’t like anything that caused any joy.

“Newton,” She said, particularly emphasizing that he had a name and was not just ‘dog’, “-is incredibly intelligent.”

They both simultaneously glanced back at Newton, who was sprinting in a small circle, trying and failing to chase his tail.

Anthony hummed, his eyes bulging slightly that infuriated Kate further. “I’m sure.”

“Please do not project your insecurities onto my dog.”

“My insecurities? I’m quite confident in my body.” His cocky smirk infuriated her more. His tight t-shirt was not helping the situation.

Kate swore she could see the outline of his chest, the faint lines of his abdominal muscles were clinging to the west material of his t-shirt.

“Good for you.” Kate managed to conjugate.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with my body, Kate?”

“I don’t think about your body at all.” Liar, liar.

“We both know that’s not true, Miss Sheffield.”

Newton saved Kate from replying by jumping onto Anthony, his paws resting on the thin material of his shorts covering his thighs.

“Down, dog. Sit.” Anthony pointed at the ground, and to Kate’s surprise, he sat. She usually had to bribe him with some ham to do any tricks.

She needed to make a swift exit. “We have to get going. My sister is waiting for-oh!”

Newton sprinted away from them, jumping from his sitting position and charging off so ferociously he yanked the lead right out of Kate’s grip. Kate landed flat on her face.

She felt Anthony’s hands on her waist, easily pulling her off the grand. Kate spat out a mouthful of grass, ignoring the tingling feeling his fingertips left as she stood up, immediately taking off after her dog.

“Newton, no! Come back!”

“Can’t you call him back?” Anthony said, easily catching up with her as they sprinted after the dog. They had gathered a few people’s attention, it was an interesting sight-two people running after a manic dog.

“Thank god you’re here. I never would have thought of that one on my own.” Kate cast a disgruntled glare at him before squinting her eyes to make out Newton’s little figure, a good bit ahead of them.

“Newton!” She roared after him, but the runaway corgi paid them little attention.

Kate felt like she was going to vomit. She had to stop, coming to an abrupt halt to bend over. She was panting heavily, resting her hands on her knees. She may have been dressed in running gear, a jumper and leggings-but she had never actually ran in them.

“I think I’m going to get sick,” Kate said, half-panting, half heaving. Her stomach was not feeling good.

Anthony, who stopped a few meters ahead of her, glanced back at her unimpressed. He wasn’t even sweating. “We’ve ran about fifty meters.”

“I’m failing to see your point,” Kate said, biting her bottom lip hard before mustering the strength to take off again. She needed to find Newton-she wasn’t worried he would run off, he had severe attachment issues, as did Kate-but he would make it difficult for her in the meantime.

“Don’t you exercise?” He asked, easily jogging beside her. He still hadn’t broken a sweat and Kate couldn’t stop, the beads of sweat trailing down her forehead.

“I don’t have the time.” She wasn’t willing to try to find the time. She worked, she spent time with her family and Newton and she slept. An exciting life, truly.

Anthony, rather judgmentally, snorted. “We have a free gym in the building at work. It’s about making time, Kate. I exercise everyday.”

“Would you like a medal?” Kate tried to sound unimpressed, her tone flat and dull. It wasn’t news to her, he had raised a lot of money last year for the marathon and it had been advertised all around the building.

Kate had been treated to Anthony Bridgerton’s face everywhere for a whole month before the marathon. She not only had to see his smug face in person daily but she had been subjected to it on newsletters, in emails, on badges and on bloody biscuits.

“I have plenty, thanks,” He said swiftly, his usual arrogant tone alive and well. It was the voice he used in meetings at work when they were arguing over something and he was trying to irritate her-it usually worked. “I was captain of the rugby team at school and at Oxford. I also ran the London Marathon last year.”

“You’re so modest.” Kate laughed as he scowled at her sarcastic tone. His achievements were quite impressive, she had donated to his fundraiser last year-she just wasn't going to inflate his ego any further. “I pass the gym everyday and I swear I’ll go tomorrow. The thing is, I really couldn’t be arsed.”

Kate fell off a treadmill last year and still hadn’t emotionally recovered. It would be a cold day in hell before she stepped foot in a gym again.

“You should. It’s a good stress reliever. You always look so disgruntled every time I see you.”

Charming.

“That’s because I have to see you everyday.” Kate chimed back, shooting him a short smile before coming to a stop, beginning to walk towards Newton. They were getting closer and closer to Newton, who had been trotting around the same area of grass in the distance.

“Get him,” Anthony loudly whispered, interrupting their back and forth as he pointed towards Newton who was now rolling in a patch of dirt.

“I'm trying!" Kate shouted back, trying to keep her voice low as she reached out her hands. Her plan to pounce and grab Newton carefully before he could sprint away. "Stop distracting me. I need to get my dog. My dog, who now needs a bath and ran away, which are both completely your fault.” She was so close Newton, who still hadn’t noticed them.

Anthony was walking in front of Newton, trying to stay out of his eyeline by approaching from the side. It wasn't too difficult-Newton was quite oblivious.

“How is any of this my fault?” Anthony snapped, glaring at her from across the flowerbed as he creeped around it. “I am spending my Sunday helping you catch your beast-”

“Watch your mouth, Newton is an angel. I didn’t ask you to! I’m here because I came out to clear my head because of what you’ve done-” Kate argued, it seemed they could last a minute until they resumed bickering.

“What I’ve done?” He gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing. It was worrying how good it made her feel to make Anthony Bridgerton speechless.

“What have you done?” She was focusing on steadying her breath and controlling her panting, creeping closer and closer to Newton. She was seriously unfit. “Exist, specifically. I ended up in Lady Whistledown because of you! All because you enticed me into your fancy cars with snacks-”

“Enticed you?” It was more of an accusation than a question. “I was being nice. I can't help what the media write about me I was offering you a lift home. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“That’s fine by me!”

“Excellent”

“Great!”

“Fantastic.”

“Superb.”

Kate was going to run out of adjectives soon.

Anthony ran a hand through his hair, stopping in the middle of the flowerbed, glaring at her. "You...you are an absolute menace, do you know that? I have never in my life encountered such a frustrating-”

“A menace?” Kate snorted at the insult. “Do you always talk as if you’re from the 1800s?”

Newton spotted Kate and Anthony, narrowly avoiding Kate’s leap towards her. “Shit! Newton, come back here right now!”

Kate’s stomach dropped as she saw exactly what Newton had spotted and was now running towards.

The pond.

“Newton, no!”

“Isn’t he trained? Tell him to stop! Stop, dog!” Anthony shouted at her, his jaw clenched so tightly he looked like he was in pain.

“Yes,” Her voice wavered slightly, glaring right back at him. “He’s a dog. He’s having fun!” Truthfully, Newton had been asked to leave the three training courses Kate had signed them up for. Anthony was not going to know that.

“Kate!” Edwina waved her hand in the air. She was standing in front of the pond, a circle of ducks crowded in front of her. She appeared to be feeding them crumbs, a bagel waving in her hand.

She had completely forgotten about meeting her sister.

“Edwina.” Kate was roaring at her sister, waving her arms frantically. Edwina didn’t seem phased by her sister’s frazzled state at all. Kate wasn’t usually this dramatic, was she? “Move! He’s going to go for the bagel!”

Anthony had joined in on her shouting, but it was too late.

Newton launched himself at Edwina, specifically at the baked good in her hand-pushing her straight into the unbarricaded pond.

#bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kate sheffield #bridgerton fanfiction #ao3 #my fics #modern AU #so sorry for the delay on this one #newton is the main character that is all #kate x anthony

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muthaz-rapapa · 3 years

Text

Let’s talk TroPreCure! (^∀^ 🌺)

i’m so stupidly proud of this dumb pun “tropurikyua~”, hahahahaha

Last post of the year and wow is there are lot to be excited for!

I even had to make a list for the stuff I want to talk about and I’m sure I already forgot one or two things but we’ll get to them as we continue to float~ along the wave to February 28th, mmkay? :)

Now for what has peaked my interest so far. And yes, we have to talk about the following first:

1) HealPre the shortest Precure season??

Unless they plan for double features in February (which I doubt but you never know), HealPre is likely going to reach only 45 episodes long instead of the usual 48~50 before TroPre I’m using this shortening of the title for now so if there’s a better alternative, tell me and I’ll switch out begins its broadcast.

Understandable because the producers probably want to get back to their normal scheduling as soon as possible (toy sales, y’know) and I suspect pushing the start of the new season back by a month is the most they’re willing to compromise.

As for me, I’m quite happy about this since HealPre’s lost its hold on my attention a while ago so the sooner TroPre gets here, the better. Though the downside might be a scrambled climax and a rushed, underwhelming ending for HealPre (I dunno if it’s January’s titles that feel a bit messy or if the hiatus is still throwing me off) but whatever. We’ll refresh ourselves with the new blood Cures so it’s all good.

2) Tropical movie announced for Autumn 2021, no All Stars??

(source)

First saw this mentioned on Youtube somewhere but it’s all over the fandom forums by now. I mean, HealPre’s movie is set for March, the usual time slot for All Stars release. If Toei intended for there to be an All Stars in 2021, there’s no way they would announce the seasonal movie before it so speculations of them skipping it this year are probably true.

To squeeze it somewhere between March and October-ish would force them to readjust their budgets as well and I don’t think even Toei wants to go through that extra hassle after all the trouble the pandemic’s caused for everyone already. It’s just easier to resume All Stars in 2022.

That, and I think Laura being a major character in TroPre despite not having a Cure title (yet) would make for an awkward situation when the three latest teams gather so perhaps that’s also one of the reasons. But I’ll get back to Laura in a bit.

3) Cure Summer is a RAINBOW Cure

So god help me if I see anyone calling her a Pink Cure.

Yes, she’s the lead Cure for this season. NO, she is not a Pink Cure.

Look, even the official website has a rainbow overlay for her profile pic and text font while everyone else’s respective theme colors are a solid hue:

Therefore, RAINBOW.

In promotional material and merchandising, they’re probably going to advertise her primarily with pink bah and at worst, she might occasionally be labeled as a White Cure with multiple subcolors (her outfit is not pink-dominant) but definitely NOT. PINK.

...also, this goes without saying but f***yea, we finally got a lead Cure practically and unabashedly wearing the LGBTQ flag and you cannot tell me otherwise, Toei!

Own up to it! Declare Manatsu/Cure Summer as the Precure queer icon!

I’m not gonna stop yellin’ until you do! 😠

4) Laura = obvious midseason Cure is obvious

First of all, Laura is a babe. I already love her the best and she’s not even Precure yet. <3

Anyways, the set-up is pretty much in the description. Important main character who’s not a mascot, stated to have a self-confident personality and just speaks her mind (oooh, I like~ :D), magical/foreign being from another world looking for Precure to save her home, possesses her own special item(s), has aspirations to become the next Queen (so she’s a princess-candidate or something to that effect, I suppose).

We’ve seen various combinations of these traits in past midseason (and a few starter) Cures so nobody should be surprised when we all guessed that one of the Cures would be a real live mermaid.

The only question is why not just make Laura a Cure from the get-go if she’s introduced to us at the beginning (like Hime or Lala) and having a team of five with no unnecessary extra add-ons later on (like Smile).

Well, there’s a simple answer for that: formula.

Toei is afraid that if they don’t spit out some new animation sequence at the halfway and third quarter points of the show, the kids will lose interest and abandon the series altogether. Which means failed toy sales. Oh nooo... [/sarcasm]

...Yea.

And this way they can also have Laura available in the Cure lineup for the next All Stars in 2022 instead of making her sit the fight out if we were going to have one in 2021. I’m convinced that’s gotta be one of the reasons. *shrug*

But ok, whatever. Her debut is gonna be later, that’s all. She’s a delayed Cure. Midseason Cure, same difference.

Moving along to the more important stuff now like what’s her Cure name gonna be, y/y?

Well, knowing Toei, a translation of the term “mermaid” into another language is the most predictable route even though we already have a Cure Mermaid. Not like that ever stopped them from repeating words before (ex. Cure Happy vs Cure Felice). Though if they do go down that road, I hope they opt for the Spanish/Italian “sirena” and not the French “sirène” because the latter sounds too close to how Cure Selene is pronounced in Japanese. And, putting it nicely, we all know Japanese pronunciation of foreign words is as off kilter as can be.

Hell, even the the Portuguese “sereia” sounds aesthetic as hell so it’d be nice if they can just remember there are other languages that exist out there besides Japanese, English and French when making the final decision at the writing table! *stomps foot* >:/

Alternatively, “nereid” or “naiad” are good choices too but they remind me too much of Greek myths and Laura’s from the Grand Ocean which covers more than just a couple of seas (Greece is surrounded by three, btw) so...

I dunno. But whatever it’s gonna be, she’s definitely got a strong association with water and her powers will probably be based on that.

As for theme color, since there’s noticeably no blue or green Cure in the starter lineup, it’s likely she will take up that spot when she debuts around ep 20.

Pink is also open since Cure Summer, again, is technically not a Pink Cure and Laura’s hair and tail fin are hot and light pink respectively but looking at Laura’s design and concept, does anyone seriously believe that?

Her upper torso consists of aquamarine while the body of her tail is definitely some shade of cyan, implying they’re aiming for somewhere around the middle of green and blue on the lighter spectrum.

And yea, I’m aware that green and blue are considered exchangeable in some perspectives with how close some of their shades are to each other but officially, I think Laura’s gonna be grouped with the Green Cures.

Cuz of the hair. If Laura’s gonna keep it the same or a similar shade after transforming, that is. The Blues have always had cool-colored hair so putting Laura in with them might disrupt that harmony whereas if you put her with the few Greens there are (including Parfait), she’d fit right in.

I mean, we’ll see but that makes the most sense, doesn’t it?

On another note, I just want to say that I love how they added frills to her arms instead of letting her elbows go bare naked. It definitely makes her look more like a genuine mermaid than if she didn’t have them (remember, half fish doesn’t mean half the body :P).

5) Magical Items

Frankly, I’m tired of seeing the transformation device being a compact again even though one of the main motifs is make-up this season. But at least, as far as Precure compacts goes, the Tropical one is my favorite cuz of how cute and delightfully colorful its toy version looks! So I guess I’m okay with it.

The Heart Rouge Rod, though? ...I dunno. I think it would’ve been fine without that...straw (?) jutting out at the top. It looks weird, doesn’t it look weird? :S

As for the collectible clip-ons, I can live without those for the rest of my life. Yeesh.

Laura’s items, the Aqua Pot and the Ocean Prism Mirror.

Again with the portable, travel-size housing. *sigh* 😩

Alright, I can let this year slide cuz Laura (I’m so soft for her, omg) probably won’t be getting legs for 20 weeks so she’s got to move about on land somehow. But unless they’re really thinking about turning this idea of carrying your apartment around in your bag/pocket/purse into a reality (cuz that would be effin’ awesome), please be more creative with your toys.

On the other hand, I’m much more interested in the Ocean Prism Mirror but from what Kusyami (the Precure merchandise reviews I follow on Youtube) said in his latest vid, this is the ED dance item so don’t know if it’ll actually have an relevance to the story or not. But I did hear him mention it having something to do with the Queen as well and since Laura wishes to become Queen, maybe it’ll be important after all? Maybe it’s her transformation device?

That’d be super cool. Let’s continue the trend of the midseason Cure having a different transformation item than the starters. Honestly, we should alternate every other year or two but we’ve gone three seasons with all of them using the same henshin gimmicks up till HealPre and I just want a break from that.

6) Fin sleeves??

These look so impractical for combat so maybe it’s exclusive to group attacks.

And/or a sort of precursor to the super forms?

*GASP* Does that mean they all eventually turn into mermaids? 🤩

7) Yui finally became Precure!! 😭

lol, it’s all crack from this point on so don’t take it too seriously but man, after Yuni’s deceptive braids, I thought I wasn’t gonna see anything that reminded me of Yui for a while and lo behold, Sango.

kehehehehehe xD;

Though Yui might be closer to Minori in terms of personal interests (fairytales and storybooks).

8) Akira, the actual Onee-chan version

I didn’t think this when I first saw her but once I read “Onee-san” in her profile, there’s no saving you now. Sorry, Asuka. 😅

Also, damn, do her sandals make her feet look big! Compare them to the heels she wears as Flamingo. Are they even the same?! lololol

9) ...this sounds awfully familiar...

Translation:

Tokimeku Tokonatsu! [Exciting/Thrilling Everlasting Summer!] Cure Summer! Kirameku Hoseki! [Sparkling Jewel!] Cure Coral! Hirameku Fuurutsu! [Flashing Fruit!] Cure Papaya!

Japanese reiteration:

Mallow/Mao: Pink no tokimeki! Lillie: Blue no kirameki! Lana/Suiren: Yellow no kagayaki!

….........

@Toei

Care to explain yourselves, punks?!

୧(ʘ ∀ ʘ ╬)

#it is 1:30 AM and im hungry and still have to do work on new year's eve so i'll come back to amuse-rage later #tropical rouge! precure #precure 2021 #cure summer #cure coral #cure papaya #cure flamingo #laura la mer

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kiarcheo · 3 years

Text

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now 3/?

On tumblr : Part 1 here and Part 2 here

This chapter is more than 3000 words so if you want to read it on Ao3 click here.

The changed relationship between Catalina and Katherine remains pretty much a secret, even if not on purpose. It's just that nothing really changes for them. They are already living together (they will realise later on that nobody mentions it because they don’t know). Katherine calls Catalina mum or mamá only occasionally, and only when they are alone. She is working on the irrational fear that by showing how close they are, how much she loves Catalina, she will somehow lose her, but habits are hard to break. And while it always gives them a thrill to refer to the other as their mother/daughter, it’s something rarely needed as they don’t meet that many new people. Their now legal bond is as cherished as much as it is not talked about.

If you were to ask them why they never said anything to the other queens, they would just reply that it simply never came up. And it’s not like they don’t talk to the others. Things are much more relaxed since moving out. Distance and space definitely made for better relationships in their case. Of course, some grow closer more than others. Katherine, in particular, made an effort to stay in touch with all the others and build a relationship with every single one, but she quickly made it an unofficial rule not to talk about the other queens. Tired to spend half of their meetups providing updates about the others, she had finally sent a message to the group chat very politely saying that if they wanted to know how someone was doing they should ask the person in question and not her.

And it’s on that very group chat that Cathy requests a meeting, the first time they would get all together since they moved out of their shared house.

They are catching up when Catalina speaks up. ‘Not that this isn’t nice-’

‘Try not to sound so surprised. I’m a freaking delight to be around.’

Catalina’s glare at Anne lacks any heat. Just because she made Katherine laugh. You are supposed to be merciful towards the court buffoon, after all. It’s not like she suddenly likes her.

‘But is there a specific reason we are all here or....?’ all remaining chatter peters out and attention turns to Cathy.

‘Have you looked...read what they say about us? Yourself,’ she corrects herself. They have a sort of implicit agreement not to look into each other’s lives. As much as possible, at least, considering how interconnected some of their stories are.

Everyone nods, mood getting sombre.

‘From your faces I guess you don’t necessarily like what you found?’

‘It’s not about liking. Some things are just plain wrong.’ Jane’s comment gets another round of nods.

‘I agree. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you...Since we got a second chance, why don’t we make things right. Tell people what really went down. Like, I was not a glorified, old nursemaid.’

‘I was not ugly.’

‘You have always been stunning.’

Anna’s scowl turns into a soft smile towards Katherine.

‘I was not a witch. And I had a normal amount of fingers. And I definitely never did anything weird with my brother and-’

‘We get it, babe.’

Everyone – Catalina included – stops, surprised by the term of endearment. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder.

‘What if we could change that?’ Cathy jumps in, recovering. ‘If history remembers us wrong, we have the chance to make it right. Give our own version of the facts.’

‘I thought we were not supposed to talk about it? Like, tell people who we are?’ Jane points out. ‘We made a deal.’

‘A limited-time deal.’ It’s Anna who seems to catch on what Cathy is saying. There is still quite some time before it expires, but still...

‘Exactly. And when the gag order is done...I think it’s time we speak up.’

‘How?’

Everyone nods. They are not against it in principle, not at all, but they haven’t actually thought about the possibility before, so it’s a brand-new concept for them.

‘At first I thought about writing a book.’

‘Of course, you did.’

It might actually work, Cathy thinks looking at the queens, who all said it at the same time and are now sharing amused glances. And she’ll happily takes the teasing if that is what is needed.

‘But then I thought...how many people are actually going to read it? And what kind of people?’ Cathy continues. ‘I would like to think that nobody already interested in...history? The period? Us?...well, actually believes that Anne was a witch, for example. What we need is to change popular misconceptions and as much as it pains me to say it, I don’t think books would do the job. Then I thought...interviews. They surely would have more reach. But how would we choose? How many? Would we have control over the questions? And then Kat gave me the perfect idea. A fun, engaging one to take control of our narratives.’

‘Me?’ the youngest queen asks surprised.

‘Hamilton.’ It’s all Cathy says.

Catalina groans. ‘She got you too?’

Cathy has to guess that she has been subjected to the topic one too many times (Cathy doesn’t know that in the Trastámara house there is a limit of once a day per soundtrack...because Catalina appreciates music as any normal person does or even more, but Katherine gets obsessed. For weeks she had listened to those 46 songs – yes, she counted them – on repeat, and she had to put a stop to it. Once a day is enough, thank you very much). The other queens are nodding, so it seems that everyone has at least heard Kat talking about it.

‘You want to write a musical about ourselves?’ Anne asks, sounding intrigued.

‘I want us to write it. But yes. If we do it well, it would have a bigger audience than an interview or a book could ever reach.’

‘Except that not anyone can write a musical.’ Anna points out, sceptical.

‘I seem to remember some people having quite the musical skills.’ Cathy didn’t read up on the others, but being the last queen means that she had heard stuff about her predecessors. And while she knows to take with a pinch of salt (or a whole handful of it) what people were saying, even at the time, she doesn’t think that would be something worth lying about. What’s the point of spreading false rumours about Catherine of Aragon or Anne Boleyn being accomplished musicians and talented singers? Cathy herself had vocal and instrumental music training, just like them and Kat too.

Cathy chances a glance at the youngest queen. Hopefully the others will think that it’s knowledge from the past – which mainly is – and not related to anything Kat had shared with her. Like the fact that despite some hang-ups, she had decided to take up music again, not wanting bad memories to ruin forever something she loved. She had started with the ukulele figuring it was the most similar she could get to a lute, before moving to guitar. Then on keyboard…money and space wise a piano was just not feasible for where she lived, Kat had explained. Similar issues, along with the noise, are the ones keeping her away from drums (Catalina has been extremely supportive but putting up with her learning how to play drums might be a bit too much even for her). So she had settled on a woodwind instrument as the next one to pick up. Kat credits her past life’s experiences with flute, lute and virginal, and the wonders of internet for her ability to teach herself. She is even considering whether going for it more seriously. Well, not that she isn’t taking it seriously now, she spends long hours practicing, but more like...academically or professionally. They had various conversations about it, about her maybe joining a school or getting a degree or if she should just try to get a jig or something like that. Cathy won’t lie and say that their chats didn’t play a part in her proposing the musical idea, knowing that at least one of them had enough music knowledge and talent in this new life of theirs to pull it off, but she isn’t sure how much Kat had told the others so she doesn’t want to bring it up if Kat doesn’t.

While Catalina and Kat are looking thoughtful, and Anne interested, Jane and Anna still look unconvinced.

‘We can always ask for professional help.’ Cathy concedes. ‘But we should be the one deciding what to say. That’s the whole point. Let’s just try writing something. Ideas. What we want people to know. Type of music. Inspirations. Then we can see what we have and go from there.’

‘What are you proposing exactly?’

‘Let’s try to write a song each.’

They all agreed on going in order but now Catalina is deeply regretting it. Because she has to stand up in front of the others and tell them that she doesn’t have her song ready. She has been dreading the meeting. She knows she doesn’t have to be perfect all the time in this life lest something terrible happens. She knows she can’t be perfect all the time. But she still feels uncomfortable showing any kind of weakness. Especially in front of her fellow queens. And the only one whom she allowed herself to be vulnerable with is not currently there. Katherine had texted the group chat saying that she was on her way but was going to be late. Indeed, the catching up part is now over and all the attention shifts to Catalina.

‘So...’ Queens do not fidget. That has been drilled into her and any instinct to do it eradicated centuries ago, which is the only reason she is not fidgeting as everyone looks at her. ‘I have some words,’ she doesn’t dare to call them lyrics, ‘but I don’t really have anything music-wise.’

‘I do!’ Kat bursts into the room, panting. ‘Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.’

‘You do?’

Kat smiles at Catalina sheepishly. ‘I had some ideas when you showed me what you wrote and thought I’d try them out. I wanted it to be a surprise, but not like this. I was planning to let you listen to it first, but I sort of just finished it? That’s why I was late. Of course, you don’t have to like it. Or listen to it at all. You know what? Let’s forget about it. I’m sure you’ll come up with something much better yourself and you don’t need-’

‘Breathe.’ Catalina waits until she sees the girl taking a couple of deep breaths, short-winded both from running there and then her ramblings. ‘Let’s hear my song.’

‘Are you sure? Because-’

‘I trust you.’ She does. Katherine has talent, she knows it better than anyone else. She is the one witnessing the ease with which she picks up new instruments or how she can play music by ear after listening to it a handful of times. The one who has the privilege to listen to her playing and singing around the house (and now she knows why lately it had happened less, if Katherine had been working on the song for her). But most importantly she trusts her because Katherine knows her. Better than anyone else. She knows her tastes, musical ones included. And she knows her story. Her side of the story.

Katherine takes out her laptop. ‘It’s quite rough, obviously. And the key is-’

‘Just let us hear it.’

Kat nods. She looks down at the papers full of scribbles in front of her. Takes a breath. Then starts the music.

You must agree that, baby, in all the time I’ve been by your side I've never lost control, no matter how many times I knew you lied Have my golden rule Got to keep my cool, yeah, baby

And even though you've had your fun Running around with some pretty young thing And even though you've had one son With someone who don't own a wedding ring No matter what I heard, I didn't say a word No, baby

Katherine looks at Catalina to gauge her reaction at the first part of the song. She has a small smile and she is nodding to the rhythm. Encouraging.

I've put up with your sh- like every single day But now it's time to shh, and listen when I say

It’s Katherine’s spin on Catalina’s words. She isn’t sure she will want to leave the ‘swear’ in, but she just had to do it and try. She knows it’s not something people would expect from the first queen, but she had in mind the Catalina she knows rather than the one people think they know. And her Catalina is not shy about swearing as long as they are alone.

You must think that I'm crazy You wanna replace me, baby there's N-n-n-n-n-n-no way If you think for a moment I'd grant you annulment, just hold up, there's N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

She had needed something to make the tempo works, and then she had remembered Catalina calling Anne babe during the last meeting, and she decided to try it out. Also it makes for a slightly condescending tone towards Henry, calling him baby, which Katherine likes and thinks Catalina will do too.

So you read a bible verse that I'm cursed 'Cause I was your brother's wife You say it's a pity 'cause quoting Leviticus "I'll end up kiddy-less all my life" Well, daddy, weren't you there, when I gave birth to Mary?

That had been a struggle to work out, but Katherine had really wanted to include it because it was so important. The reason Henry adduced seeking the annulment was completely unfounded and people had to know it.

You're just so full of sh-, must think that I'm naive I won't back down won't shh, and no, I'll never leave

You must think that I'm crazy You wanna replace me, baby, there's N-n-n-n-n-n-no way If you thought it'd be funny, to send me to a nunnery, honey, there's No way

Catalina doesn’t seem to hate it and the others are nodding along to the beat, Katherine notices as she looks up from her notes. There will be work to be done for sure, but maybe they have a good starting point.

‘Dance break?’ Katherine speaks up as the music continues.

‘You always loved a good dance.’ Anne points out, remembering her time at court with her, Jane nodding along.

It’s true. What they don’t know is that she had taken it up again. Encouraged by Katherine pursuing her love for music, she had decided to do the same with her passion for dancing. It’s not something she could see herself doing seriously as Katherine does with playing instruments, but she is loving attending classes and practicing on her own in the privacy of their living room, sometimes making up new routines, sometimes involving Katherine when she needs a partner.

You got me down on my knees Please tell me what you think I've done wrong Been humble, been loyal, I've tried to swallow my pride all along If you can just explain a single thing I've done to cause you pain, I'll go No? You've got nothing to say? I'm not going away

You made me a wife, so I'll be queen 'til the end of my life

Catalina had considered herself married and the legitimate queen until her last days…and Katherine with her. It’s only recently that she had considered how her life would have been different – if at all – had she joined Anne’s household like her step-grandmother had been planning. She is quite sure that at the time she would have been less than happy to be around the ‘usurper’ of what she still thought of as her queen, even months after her death.

There's no way

‘Not sure about the end. Maybe another chorus? Or...I don’t know. Like I said, it’s quite rough, I rushed it a bit, especially the last part, I can think about it more and see-’

‘This is rough?!?’

‘Well...yeah? I just took what she wrote and tried to put it in music, but it could be so much better. Like harmonies! Or, you know, add stuff, take it out...change it completely if you don’t like it.’ She is now talking to Catalina.

‘Some bits and bobs, but honestly? I loved it.’

‘Really?’

‘Do I make a habit to say things I don’t mean?’ Catalina looks at her with a raised eyebrow. She shakes her head with a smile at the mumbled sorry she gets.

‘How did you do it?’ Anne interrupts the exchange. ‘Like, the backing track?’

‘Oh. Well, I recorded each instrument separately. Then overlapped the individual tracks. Which was honestly the hardest part. Learning how to use the software.’

‘Would you mind giving me a hand?’ Anne asks her cousin. ‘Once I have the lyrics down, I mean. I’ve been messing around with a keyboard and got myself a guitar, but it was going to be a stripped-down version, like, acoustic, with whatever it worked better for the song. But if you can do the other instruments and put everything together...’

‘Of course! Just let me know what you need and when!’

‘I might look into some practice rooms. Possibly with instruments. I’ve been dying to get my hands on some drums!’

‘Me too!’

‘Really?’ Catalina hopes her dread isn’t too obvious. She isn’t going to stop her, but she isn’t looking forward to it, if she has to be honest.

‘It’s not going to happen, don’t have the space. Or soundproofing.’ Kat reassures her.

‘We can learn together!’

‘I have been thinking...about a possible structure.’ Cathy says, encouraged by the enthusiasm of the cousins. ‘We said one song each, then I’m thinking maybe one for introduction and one as conclusion? An introductory song to explain what we’re doing? And one last song so that we don’t end with my song. Kind of a final message? About us reclaiming our stories or something?’

‘We could sing them all together!’

‘Oh!’ Kat perks up at Anna’s words. ‘We could add some chorus and stuff in Catalina’s song, like backup singers?, so that it’s not just her singing and us waiting around-’

‘Wait. Her. US? Are we supposed to sing ourselves?’ Jane stops her.

‘I thought so?’ Kat looks around. Jane does the same. It does seem like that’s what the others thought too.

‘Let’s worry about that later.’ Cathy can see that Jane is not particularly convinced about that, but she doesn’t want her to worry about it now. ‘We can get professional singers just like we can get professional writers, if needed.’

‘Another thing…not sure if it’s relevant now, because Kat sort of already did it. But I was going to say that we should make it modern?’ Anna suggests. ‘If it’s just a history lesson, it’s gonna be boring. Not saying that Catalina’s song was boring. At all. But. I don’t know. It’s something I wanted to bring up before hearing it, so...’ she shrugs.

Upon Catalina’s suggestion, they agree on not having set deadlines for when a queen is supposed to deliver her song. It had stressed her out quite a lot having to come up with something by a fixed date, especially when she couldn’t. And without a delivery deadline, Kat would have had the time to show her what she was doing, and they could have worked on it together. They are going to do it now, so it’s not that much a problem, but there is no reason they have to do things in a hurry.

________________________

As usual, started as something turned out so much more…included a take on how the musical was born. I always love reading fics about it…guess it was inevitable I’d take my shot at it too. I don’t know much about music and I’m aware that’s probably not how writing a musical works…but this is fiction so please bear with me.

#six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #catherine and katherine #six fic #six the musical fic #my six posts #six writing #mywork #my ideas #fic: It’s All Coming Back to Me Now #my posts #six the musical fanfic #six fanfic

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butterbeeryuta · 4 years

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johnny as your boyfriend; radio!au

a/n: thIS was requested a looooooong time ago, and i am so sorry that i only wrote this now. My mocks are finally done, and they actually went pretty well, so i hope my results will match whatever i am claiming skdjkjd. This headcanon was really fun to write, and it was overall just adorable oof alright, imma head to over to my next oneshot now. Hope all of you have a great day.

Okay so ya’ll are in uniVersity (as expected because I am writing this)

You met johnny 2 years ago when you were freshman looking for a job on campus cause um,,, college is a bitch

And you saw this uni radio show ‘Night Night’ which went live every wednesday at 9 in the evening

You honestly had no idea what they talked about since you’ve never listened to one

Despite the fact that your roommate Sicheng always talks about it and claims how great it is

BUT ANYWAY

You always enjoyed radio shows in general, and saw that they were hiring for another radio show personality

HMMmmMmmmM i wonDEr wheRe tHIS Is gOInG

You were one intellect my dear; you were studying political science at Konkuk University, meaning, you were one opinionated ass individual

But, you also had your crack side acCording to ur roommate

You fucking chased Sicheng around with those incense sticks cause you couldn’t find your go-to rolling pin to scare the shit out of him for eating your pack of strawberries

I swear the two of you are great friends ya’ll just show love to each other in quite a unique way

ANYWAYS

YeAH so you went to ask for the job cause you need money to buy a safe for your precious strawberries

You brought whatever requirements they asked for, and nyyOoooOOooooOOOOnged your way over there

It was a pretty old building, or radio station per se. not that it was bad or anything but, it isn’t exactly a place you would like to step into

Going up the stairs, you just saw a really TALL and attractive guy clearing out a few things in the booth. Your guess was that he was also probably new to this and whoever lent him the place didn’t exactly clean up the place.

With whatever courage you had in yourself

Or i guess how much sugar you consumed this morning cause you casually just walked it without contacting the guy

‘Uh... hello?’

HE JUMPED, whatever shit he was holding? Yeah it dropped

Which caused you to jump too, not expecting the huge ass pretty guy to have that big of a reaction

he looked over to you, surprised to see a person in the radio station because um,,, nobody ever goes there except for him

‘Hello to you too??? uhhh, not meaning to be rude or anything but, why are you here? Are you lost?’ He asks, looking extremely concerned

You just shook your head and deadass told him that there was a job offer for another radio show personality, and he looked eveN more concerned

Sorta like a ‘are u fucking serious’ face

‘Oh! Right. That job has been open for about a year now so I didn’t expect anyone to come at all...’

OHHhhHhh????????

Well,,,, i guess you have a better chance of getting the job?

‘Well.... do i get a higher chance of being accepted then for being the first to show up? You ask, unsure if whatever you said made sense, or was even socially acceptable

Imagine going to a job interview being like: ‘so i saw ur job offer, and since i actually showed up, I’m accepted right?’

Babe i dont think it works like that, but let’s continue

Johnny honestly had nothing to say against you though. You were right in a sense that you had no competition since you were the only one that actually came to apply. At the same time, he wanted the quality of the show to still be good even if there was a limited audience

‘Higher chance is indeed right. But tell me, uhh, what’s your name again?’

‘I actually never introduced myself, but it’s _______’

‘I’m Johnny by the way. So _______, why do you want to be a radio show host for Konkuk University?’

you had two ways to answer this question: (1) be blatantly honest that you really need the money, and talking to earn cash seems pretty great in your opinion or (2) repeat whatever the fuck sicheng has told you about the show

And of course, you were going with the first option

‘i honestly need the money because college is a bitch. And also talking and having discussions is a pretty fun and interesting method to get some cash in. Also because my roommate loves your show and why not ruin it for him by including me in it’

Babe

BABE SKDJKSDJKDSJKSDJSKDJKSDJ

Johnny actually wanted to accept you immediately. I mean for starters, he found you pretty adorable marching up to the radio station determined to get the job. And not only that, you were quite the talker, which is something that could spike up the show since it was just always johnny speaking

And also because he was feeling quite lonely but he would never admit that

‘Alright _____, meet me this friday to talk about next week’s segment’

OOFT

And let me tell you, tall boi’s assumptions were right. During your first show together, the two of you decided to talk about the book ‘1984’ by george orwell and although it may sound boring on a superficial level, yOU made it sound pretty interesting and johnny was actually just laughing the entire time

You and johnny just clicked in an instant, and your way of describing things made ‘Night Night’ known by the students

Nobody could ever forget your infamous line about the book: ‘george orwell’s sexual frustration is honestly so transparent in the book; all he needed was to get his dick wet then maybe he wouldn’t have let julia and winston be caught by the thoughtpolice.’

And things like this happened every wednesday. The pattern of your radio show just included you being you, and johnny trying to make shit be on track

The two of you were doing it for a very long time now, and back to toDAY where ya’ll have been doing it for two years, well... it would be a lie to say you hadn’t developed feelings for johnny

of course the man was beautiful and well-built. But his personality and laugh? Yeah sicheng should’ve warned you about that.

He is probably one of the most open-minded person in the world, and he knows a bit about everything, making him so well-rounded. And and and he’s to kind???

If you tell him that you can’t make it to the radio show, he says it’s okay and even gives you snacks the moment you come back and he just makes you so soft in general i—

Meanwhile for johnny, damn is he in love with you

Over the past 2 years, you definitely helped him open up more. With the way you speak along with your galaxy brain, he couldn’t help but fall for you? You were intelligent, you had your own mind, and being friendly and funny in general is something johnny really liked about you

The time when he realised he loves you was when you curled yourself up against the seat while you were discussing about what to talk about next week, and you just fell asleep. He noticed how soft and peaceful you looked, and that he would want to see you like this on a daily basis

Shit this is getting me all soft i wasnt planning on this nsndnsndnd

So yeaHHHHH this week’s segment, you guys were talking about the spanish conquest of mexico and peru woohoooo

AND you were very excited for this because this was one of your (my) favourite topics you learnt during your time in high school

‘OKAY, good evening everyone I am ______D,’

‘And I am JohnD, and welcome to’

‘Night Night. Oof, we’re getting better at our introductions aren’t we JohnD?’

‘Nope, you just learned how to say it without cringing’

‘Touché’ and ya’ll began your discussion. And things actually got pretty interesting.

‘So _____ you’re telling me that it was Cortes’ leadership that allowed the Spanish to successfully take over Mexico?’ He asks you in disbelief.

‘No you tall dumbfuck, it’s one of the attributes that led them to succeed. Both Cortes and Pizarro had disease on their side and better weapons, so of course they’d win. I just wanted to include leadership as i don’t know, to see the defeat of the aztecs from a new lens?’ You respond, deadass looking at johnny in the eye

‘Well, i don’t think i can argue with that, mainly because i am too scared too. That is it for today, but before we end this, i would like to add one more thing.’ Johnny says, which took you by surprise

huHhh?

You looked confused, in fact, you were confused.

What the fuck was going on?

‘This academic year is ending, and this so happens to be my last year here at Konkuk University...’

Oh shit

Your eyes softened at his words, just realising now that johnny was two years older than you, and yeah, he’s graduating this year

‘... this year has honestly been one of the greatest years here at Konkuk, but for me, I think of my my most memorable memories here was when ______D entered the station and giving me a huge fright’

You laughed a little, remembering how much you scared the man

‘Taking this opportunity, ______D, I want to ask you something’

Shit

BRUHHHHHHHHH

‘I just want to congratulate you and thank you for joining “Night Night.” You made the show livelier and massively increased the viewer rate with that big brain of yours—‘

‘I prefer the term galaxy brain’

‘—yes, galaxy brain. I hope that you can continue this radio show, and maybe recruit someone else while i’m out in the world of disgusting adults. So yes, thank you ______. And because we won’t be colleagues in a bit, will you be my girl/boyfriend?’

You were initially teary eyed, buT yEET those tears out biTCH what????

You wanted to say yes, bUt how?????

Do you just nod at him and go ‘ye,’ or do you like, confess?

You felt weird in the stomach. Not that you can exactly do 459343948 cartwheels in one go, but that’s exactly what your stomach was doing. If you were to speak, you could have vomited.

Idk what happened to you, but you took off your headphones, and went to the tall boy and just hugged the shit out of him cause umm,,,, SAME????

And johnny wasn’t sure what that exactly meant so he just hugged you back, bringing you to his lap and holding you tight against him cause honestly, when will he be able to do this to a person he genuinely loves

There was a moment of silence of you two just holding each other, until you realised you were still live with lord knows how many people were listening.

‘U-um, yeah Johnny, I w-will gladly be yours—‘

‘_____ I love you’

OKAY RETRIEVE THOSE TEARS BISH YOU CRYING NOW TF

You sorta just placed your head on the crook of his neck, quietly whispering to him

‘I can’t believe I love your tall ass too...’

‘SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME TOO!’

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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even more prompts catchup

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

i Hate/d school lmfao......like i do Like To Learn and Know Shit, and of course Sometimes / on some occasions it was like, hey i'm having a good to pretty great time at school, but those were usually Special occasions or teachers going out of their way to give us you know, fun projects / go beyond the Standardized Testing curriculum, which natch they couldn't always do / did require sort of going Above & Beyond, rather than being the constant, guaranteed experience of like hooray for school......it's like, oh hooray re: the Play Scenes my fourth grade english class did that was like, an Extra thing, where we got to audition and i just had a great time like oh right, clearly Theatre in retrospect, or hooray re: the field trips, or projects we did In Class, since i hated homework.......i was always that accursed (i mean, not accursed for Me, but) combination of "really a terrible student but also gets great grades" lmao i forever do things Last Minute but like, when i was At school, in class, i'd just power through whatever work there was then & there usually, and in middle school would sometimes do hw on the bus, as i was the last on the bus route to be picked up in the morning or dropped off in the afternoon, but as soon as i got home i was in Home Mode and yknow. didn't just sit down and continue School Stuff asap. also hardly ever Studying unless it's the night / morning before a test lmfao but i had a great memory for that stuff, so studying that last minute was like "yep, i Do remember this from going over it 2 seconds ago" so yknow, despite hating school / no good Study Habits(tm) or anything, i did fine. i also read a ton, at home or at school and at any other point. so i was also like, quiet and generally ~well behaved~ or whatever lol (the like "how are kids (or anyone) supposed to stay focused and on task for 7+ hours a day..." thing), segue into next paragraph

i also remember like, 3 day a week preschool being the first time i was, you know, in some sort of School and also around other kids that much, i did have this sense that like, somehow there were Rules that i wasn't following, not re: Classroom Rules or something, but wrt socializing with peers, like that everyone else had something going on in how they interacted which i wasn't gonna get right, & i had this sense of like, not really being Allowed to interact lmao, even being 4 years old i have a few distinct memories re: this of like, a) choosing to play by myself in the classroom or when outside, and b) my "best friend" being the one person who just like, chose to hang out with me lmfao, but i was like oh cool Having A Friend lmao, like i didn't Not want to have friends, i was just already aware of like, i don't feel like i can just up and interact w/these people and i don't feel like they want me to, and c) re: that being aware of whatever Rules Of Interaction existing and that i wouldn't meet them / abide by them and thus there'd be some kind of repercussion for not meeting those rules, and not being allowed, i remember that like. there was this other indoor playspace in the lower level and there were toys i wanted to play with but Refrained from, and it was like, why did 4 yr old me get the idea i Wasn't Really Allowed, and most of what i can theorize is that it was like, well other kids might want to play with that, and the Normal / Better kids should get priority lmao, and/or being nervous that it just might otherwise lead to some sort of Interaction i wouldn't feel ready for.....and d) sitting at a table with like whatever 4 or 5 other kids or something and amongst ourselves someone was like "oh put your foot in the middle if you're [x]" and i tried to join in on a technicality lmfao and also just in, you know, active efforts to be Participating with these other kids on their terms, and it did not pay off, something that repeated uhhhhh, forever i guess lol. insert that post like can allistic people be normal for 5 seconds.....

like in elementary school i wasn't really making friends either, incredibly, i was Amicably Tolerated by many people then & like, again also at any point after at least lmao (and it helps that i was generally in teachers' good graces, not that i narced on anyone ever, but i had like, my Niche as the Academically Successful One, and also i was the kid who draws, another shoutout to some post and tweet about how being The Drawing Kid was like, some measure of respect but also disdain lmfao...) and sometimes people would again like. choose to interact with me repeatedly, and i'd sort of be nonplussed at best b/c it's like, okay thanks but in this situation i didn't Choose this any more than i choose [Trying to be in the group but being rejected/excluded], so it's kinda weird, i was friends with someone for a few years in elementary school but we just were Coincidentally in the same class for those years, when we were in different classes in 3rd or 4th grade and just weren't seeing each other it fizzled out, in middle school i made another couple friends where we were all being Funny lmao, but i didn't go to high school, so once again we weren't seeing each other, and [At School] was where i always had most Interactions with people, didn't see people much outside of school even if we were hanging out / being friends During school, for [a whole tangent] reasons, so. guess the good news is i'm still in touch / friendly acquaintances with some people from school from college, but even then, there was Some more social success or whatever, but not all That much, and i was still unhappy like, not having many friends, often being like "i'm going to the cafe a block away b/c i have no social occasions here and i want to get out of the dorm / be around people," that if i was with more than one other person i could end up the third wheel friend lmao or nobody is paying attention when you talk or oh no i put myself out there hanging with a friend group but maybe people thought you were a joke or something, thanks. smh

and that like, speaking of college, i went early but this was, for my part, truly primarily driven like "well i hate school so if i can Not go to high school, okay" and like, while i got in and everything it was still like "tf is college, i've never known what i Want To Do so i wonder if i'll figure this out, but i'm not expecting to last past the first semester / year b/c this is college and i'm a terrible student actually lol" but then turns out i kept doing well enough like A's & B's like oh woops i guess i'm still here, then, hope i can figure out what tf "credit hours" means (finally did lol).....then sophomore year was a bunch of just Agonizing over "what tf do i major in," something i never figured out, wherein i might bring something up & it got parentally shot down like "never heard you talk about that" like what tf Did you hear me talk about? are you thinking i had my life figured out by age 9, b/c i didn't think that, i'm only 15/16 even Now, even being the Regular college age it's like, nobody's figuring their life out then. also i didn't tell my parents things, so. and then i settle on something that sure, Might've been of interest, but also it was like, a) a program that barely existed and req'd taking classes at a like 30 min away campus and also the head of department had Just retired and the most heinous teacher in the related fields was now in charge, brilliant and b) the sort of thing you'd just wanna start taking prerequisites for like as soon as you set foot on campus, like, great. and c) i was like, hardly feeling all the Academic Ambition anyway b/c i never had, b/c i hate/d school, and b/c i still didn't Know what i wanted to major in, and i was stressed n depressed and also realizing oh right, i'm not cishet, and oh right, i'm never going to get along with my family b/c [long tangent] reasons and that's kind of concerning, here i am impending Being 18 and like, how do i get out of this b/c it's becoming clearer that i'm not just gonna start getting along with the 'rents now that i'm not an elementary schooler and also now that i'm realizing the Reasons being at home sucks. guess i learned stuff in college lol but also it was like, the experience of getting to be Away From Home and existing every day without parents literally / figuratively over my shoulder at some point every day, and getting to do shit on my own and figure things out while Not At Home.....i also had a lot of fun taking a couple classes from this one music prof lol. he was this weird really enthusiastic and really knowledgeable guy lmao like great, these evening classes where we go over to the arts building and he plays things on the piano off the cuff and tells a lot of tangential stories while we're learning about like, beethoven technically, or folk music. didn't need those classes but they were great, i've had these teachers who were totally into whatever they were teaching and had a great time with that

also acknowledgment to the fact i was a No Extracurriculars person all through school, k thru 6 and college alike really, although i took dance class for that k thru 6 period, just that was separate from school actually (and another fun "being away from home" thing and Theatresque performance thing i enjoyed) but besides that it was like, how do i figure out what i want to do without committing to joining this whole thing, i don't know How to sign up for stuff really either, and it'd probably entail "asking for stuff" and needing to coordinate more rides and etc and that's just a hassle, and i wanna go home from school asap anyways, and then like, when it came to college, i was again at first thinking like "well idk what i'm doing and i hate homework so i'll probably mess it up in this first year anyways" and figured that doing anything Extra outside classes was just gonna be too much, and also, it's like, i've never been in these kinds of groups before and why am i gonna start in college, where there'll probably be all these people who Have done this stuff before, and are also 18? e.g. even though it was like "hey you're away from home and don't have to ask/tell anyone else anything to do this club stuff or whatever!" supposed ideal environment for trying stuff out, it was like, maybe i'm theoretically interested in auditioning for the fall theatre production, but the last acting experience i had was like, "2 month drama class in middle school" or "that 4th grade [section of a] play" so like, not really Any education or experience or Training re: any of that stuff, and a bunch of 18 yr olds who might've, or [age peers] who were theatre people who had already done stuff so they weren't getting Lead Roles or anything but they were getting cast / taking classes / joining an a capella group while i'm like right on, i'm over here with some sort of Grade Honor Society (??) saying my gpa qualifies me to join and be able to experience some further academic rigor/requirements lmfao and i'm like absolutely not. get away lol. anyways so bit of a chaotique Post K12 Zone Education Experience there lmfao, all kinds of things i'd Like to Learn and even take classes on, but didn't like, right i love learning languages but never took classes, love math and shit but only got to a certain level of calc and even then seemed to miss some Lore, never did anything re: theatre, etc and so on. so you wonder if some advantages re: high school would be like, more chances for those extracurriculars (or regular curriculars) but, as though i wouldn't have the same qualms about getting in on any of it, and as if i wouldn't've still hated school but also still been at home, F. and i think people can be a lot more normal to each other when it's college and you're Not stuck in one building together 8 hours a day lmao, got some gentle "occasional Bullying style attention" in middle school, but had juuust enough like, [that Niche of good grades / kid who draws] and people who Were friendlier to me that it was you know, unpleasant, but didn't have to be that huge a deal, and then i was outta there soon enough. also, in college many people are 18 or older, as opposed to 11 to 13. anyways the rest of my school story was that in the end the problems were "i don't know what i want to major in and also now's a worse time than ever b/c i've realized my existence At Home is untenable, and naturally i am quite depressed & stressed about things, and i gotta say absolutely virtually every adult presence was either totally unhelpful to Counterproductive here lmao, like, not much anyone could do really but it's helpful when someone is like, i'll treat you like a person vs simply just going 'uh why are you not doing the academic stuff good enough'" lmfao like. the whole time Not having friends i'd wanna talk to through class and happening to get good grades in part b/c i somehow Could as easily as i did and also i was afraid of getting C's or worse b/c "tfw i wasn't even yet in a grade that gave you A thru F grades yet but my older sister caught shit for getting a C

like :/" and etc means adults are like My Student Is Fine, and also, what are you gonna do even if they aren't, i guess. i just had to figure out completely for myself Why and How i really wasn't Fine and that was quite difficult and also took a long time. then there was a mutual prank of "i drop out of college at the tail end of things" and "now i have to be at home with parent/s more resentful of your obvious Waywardness (insert: not being cishet, and the fact it occurs to me that my being autistic was always causing 'problem' behavior i was getting shit for like, the whole time lmfao, even if nobody knew / labeled it like oh this is for ND reasons, or if it was both true i tried to come out (smh, thought i Had to b/c that was part of Not Being Cishet) and it was simply ignored / unaddressed and yet it sure fueled further specific resentment of my not Performing Gender properly, or "worse," so that went well, in that i eventually abruptly left and did not maintain contact, in the interest of "the levels to which i was thriving was like, that if i bailed and like died 50 hrs later it'd still be what i want to do," true to that i did not / don't regret it. and what do you know, i was first able to bail to a relatively nearby friend from college's home, whose family also liked me lmao. shoutout to school still being where i made Any friends, except a friend i made who was a coworker of several years. and Online Friends, which, another school connection, that like, i can more readily Connect w/people via talking about interests, something that happened Sometimes at school in person lmao but not much, but also that i Talk About Interests in a way through Drawing, which, well shoutout to doodling in the margins of papers throughout school lmfao, it didn't hurt! that's my saga.

oh and that footnote, i also really enjoyed the "in middle school you either take language classes or 4 Electives you rotate through each year" and those electives sure featured some more varied and hands on activities i had a great time with. shoutout to like, cooking, and to shop class, my Car Designs were great apparently, idk how. shoutout to my Intuition re: engineering or something lmaoo.....very fun to just end the schoolday in that big garage space where you could actually open that garage door right to where all the buses were, beautiful. Oh, and that's another footnote, when my last class of the day in 8th grade was english, i'd sometimes finish work early and my teacher would let me go to our spacious library, with the v nice librarian who'd recommend books to me she thought should be checked out more often b/c she knew i liked to read that much, and also just generally had teachers / other adult staff kinda wandering in at the end of the day, talk about "i don't really relate to other ppl my age" where i did generally prefer to be around adults, so that was fun. oh and also shoutout to hating school lmao wherein during like, middle school when the schoolday started at like 7:30am or smthing disgusting and i just learned to like, view whatever time it was in a "at least it's almost [x]" like well okay, first period is math and that kinda sucks but at least once it's over this hardest part of the day will be over, then next class is kinda more chill at least, and then it'll be the last period before lunch, etc etc etc where i could sort of keep up that stamina like telling myself at any point it was Almost [a more encouraging time of day] lmao like. kinda fucked up to have to be dragging yourself through the weekdays like that, but

Oh! goddamn and i didn't even get into that if i ever got in ~trouble~ in elementary school it was stuff like Not Paying Attention, but where half the time that might be some other kid beside me messing around lmfao and i'm not gonna be like "uhhh follow the rules!!!" (and that even when i was In Trouble like go sit in the chair where you have to be quiet there for like 10 min i might say something to some other kid in that zone and they'd be like "um it's the quiet chair you have to be quiet!!" or "uh we're getting into the next lesson and you have to put that book back asap" like wow these other kids are dweebs about Rules lmfao) and there'd just be times like, it's 1st grade and i know how to read pretty well already but we're going over the alphabet like stoppp i know the Phonics already........or the ways ND people can kind of Intuit some stuff more successfully, like in third grade learning multiplication i neverrrrr studied but just broke it down like, okay i remember the Fives b/c of telling time, i know the 2x table and stuff, i know the commutative property, if we're all the way at the 8x and i haven't Memorized stuff, i can still like, break it down to say, [5 x 8] + [8 x 2] or something when i see 8 x 7, even if it takes a second lmfao.......and stuff like the tragedy of when i Did make a friend in like, 2nd grade, who i think we didn't even talk to each other ever?? i was playing legos or smthing by myself once during Indoor Recess and she just started playing agreeably along with me, aka someone socializing on My Terms apparently as our Introduction, and we just were friends past that but one time, not even during a Lesson Session, we were messing around quietly making each other laugh as the incredibly important process of "put papers in your folders" was going on, and since we were Not Paying Attention for some reason the teacher made a whole example of it where i had to carry my desk across the classroom for the Shaming Element of it and also so that i had to permanently sit way further from that friend, so that was kind of discouragement re: interacting at all. thank you to that teacher, who'd later once Gesticulate to me from across the gym that i should put my arms down at my sides rather than being crossed (we were rehearsing some class performance) & i had no idea what she was trying to convey, so afterwards she told me i had to have Reduced Recess Time or some shit because of Ignoring her instead of putting my arms down lmfao. and i was irritated at having been misinterpreted / my Intentions dictated to me and punished like that, but i was also used to it from adults lmfao and did not bother explaining myself lol like yeah god forbid i left my arms crossed on purpose and now i have to read some more during recess. tl;dr school has so much nonsense & i def had some Times re: being autistic & also just being someone who hated school forever lmao, think it was Also 2nd grade where one arbitrary sunday night i just cried out of frustration at having to go back for another normal school week. classic. oh and that also, while i wasn't like "oooo booksmart people who hate not having a Definitive Correct Answer to things &/or ohhh autistic ppl So Good at math, in a way everyone hates and disrespects, but they suck at Literature/Arts which requires you to reflect on humanity and shit," like, not only was i the drawing kid but i was also apparently ahead of the curve as it were at like, Literary Analysis lmfao where there was a few times in elementary school i'd be the kid providing the Interpretation like "what's this poem about / what's the theme or Symbolism in this story," but from elementary school to college it's like, for god's sake don't ask me to come up with a story / work with some really open ended prompt, i don't Invent in that way, and when i try to draw on Inspiration i'll get stuck on some specific source and be unable to do anything but just rip it off really lmao. but then again i was prolific in "it's 1st grade and you write and illustrate a little short story or smthing in these booklets

that we then have a simple little binding process for" like ohhh fancy, i got a tootsie roll lollipop at Awards Time for writing a shit ton of those lol. but that's like, when you're too young to have that much of a Creative Process anyways lmao. but then, my older sister, whose Thing was writing, has an incredible 2 Volume like, noir mystery saga from those elementary school times, it's a classic lmao. anyways once again so much to say about School lol closing the door after meandering on that one for this long lol

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

i did learn to drive, tbh just universally it's like, at any point you're driving there's A Lot to pay attention to at once, even if you think you're Good At That or whatever, which i sure don't think i always am lol, and it's pretty wild we just, you know, let everyone go around as fast as they want in machines that can kill you or someone else, and this is also Unnecessary b/c like, let's have accessible & reliable public transit so that everyone can travel without Needing to have a car / someone else who will drive them. i didn't think i had too much trouble learning to drive, but it had to help that i just took it very seriously from the start lmao like, well, i'm quite aware i could kill someone with this. the driving classes i took were alright, i remember the instructor being pretty chill and friendly lol. rip to the fact i could be tense when driving with parent/s, when driving a manual i'd always like screech the tires when accelerating out of a Stop, until all at once it was like "and i'm driving that manual car alone on a road trip & wouldn't you know it, only literally once did i have that issue of not getting out of a stop smoothly enough" lmao like the Anxiety......really like yeah i had an alright time learning and think i'm solid enough at driving / like doing it, theoretically, but Driving Is Wild just in general and let's have that public transit

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

i think i Usually get what people mean with these Devices but i can't really say lol, but anytime you know, someone is being more Implicit in what they say, plenty of times i can infer one implication and only later realize they probably meant a different one, or yknow, i make whatever initial inference i make and can be stuck like "???" and have to like, mentally run diagrams about the interaction lol......meanwhile i'm not always remembering that like, if i'm shifting context mentally that's necessarily able to be inferred by whoever i'm talking to lol, whether it's about getting into some adjacent topic or like, i don't think it tends to be very clear even in person when i've started being sarcastic lmao, like i know that can be true for anyone but it's like well, guess i gotta make it clearer i'm doing a bit......flipside of that or something lmao that people are more Obvious than they think they are sometimes about like, idk, when someone is sort of making some sarcastic remark to you but the sarcasm is also sort of only to themself, aka just like okay i know you mean this more dismissively / disparagingly than re: what you're saying just at face value lol like. just always fun >:/

#30daysofautismacceptance #2021 #you know that Read More means especially a saga even by my standards lmfao

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limamuckraker · 4 years

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THE MUCKRAKER : TWELFTH EDITION ( AUGUST 10TH, 2040 )

THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP

WHO’S KEEPING WINNIE’S BED WARM? (pg 2)

@winniclove has been noticeably absent from our dreary little town as of late. while it’s no secret she’s filming her big comeback in a guest starring role, sources say she won’t be making a comeback to grayson anytime soon. winnie’s star was already outshining his own and now with this added distance, it only makes sense she’d be leaving that janitor in the dust! the only question left? who’s cleaning up after her now? if you have any tips, please get in touch ASAP!

SILLY FINN! LEO’S FOR KIDS! (pg 4)

whatever is going on between @leo-mccarthy and @finnschuesters is definitely questionable, right? other than the surprise leo was capable of moving on so quickly, is anyone going to talk about the fact they went on a seemingly romantic getaway to chicago? even though i never would’ve painted finn as a cradle snatcher, i have to hand it to the new couple (?) it was a turn nobody expected to come from the publishing of their little hook up. let’s just hope finn doesn’t keel over and die before leo actually develops a personality beyond brooding!

THE BOY IS BACK! (pg 6)

surprisingly, within the midst of all this cross country, mamma mia drama, somehow @brokelynsd managed to throw everyone for another loop when he returned from the dead! sure, we’ve all known he’s been in new york, but it’s not like he, you know, made any efforts to stay connected to lima. can we as a collective blame him though? there’s no doubt it must’ve burned when he found out his long term girlfriend was cheating on him with another chick. who’s gonna tell him naomi and eli are back on though? and when somebody does? give me all the details!

NYU DROPOUT! HE’S STUCK IN LIMA! (pg 8)

so once golden boy @tracehummelandersons seems to be back in lima for good! i’m still not sure why he’s back to stay, but a reliable source has told me he’s trading in those silver screen dreams for that horrendous blue mechanic jumpsuit. yes, that’s right, lima’s dearest tracy has dropped out of school and seems to be in lima to stay! welcome to lima loserhood trace, sorry you fell short of filling those gigantic shoes set before you! better luck next lifetime. i hear your friend eli has been dealing lately if you get tired sweating over people’s cars!

CHASE TWO GIRLS, LOSE THEM BOTH! (pg 10)

to nobody’s surprise, @julien-schuester decided to go behind girlfriend @roryslade‘s back and get his dick wet with @ivystjamess. you all know the saying, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it, blah, blah, blah. according to our sources, rory has is still yet to dump julien which? only shows me she’s more messed up than we all may have initially thought. ivy clearly has some perpetual pining for julien. and julien? well it’s obvious he’s a whore. though there isn’t much word on any epic blow ups from rory’s end, she burned julien in another way by performing as well as she did thursday night? and ivy? i heard she’s not speaking to him. but we’ll see how long that lasts. let’s just hope julien has some better car insurance since his last little fuck up!

MAMMA MIA! : A REVIEW BY JACOB BEN ISRAEL II (pg 12)

three words; drama, dad’s, and duds. seeing as i am lima’s most reliable source for anything and everything important, it makes sense the crowds would come swarming for the only review that matters. we all know and love the story of mamma mia, so i’ll save all the boring plot stuff. here’s what i’ll say, cream of the crop: rory slade, baby puckerman, ruby zizes. flops? theo beiste, joey hummel-anderson, leia evans. for me, rory just hit every mark! baby is insane, but it brought a dynamic presence to each of her few scenes. and ruby? talk about a breakout star, unexpected and pleasing, i for one would’ve given someone with her ability and confidence levels tanya, but that’s just me. as for my flops, theo beiste is so stupid you can see it from the nosebleeds! everyone roots for pepper a little and i just didn’t. as for joey, casting a gay as a gay? boring. that’s all i’ll say on that front. and leia’s performance as sophie? talk about a snooze fest. too sweet without enough fire. in whole, the performance was fun and up to mckinley standard, but next show i hope for an actual competent director not afraid to make daring choices. three and a half stars out of five.

CHECK BACK MONDAY (8/24) FOR THE MUCKRAKER (ISSUE #13)

#winnie karofsky #finn schuester #leo mccarthy #brooklyn sterling duval #trace hummel anderson #ivy st.james #julien schuester #rory slade #wmhs:mamma mia #glee rp #glee next gen rp #glee family rp #town rp #oc rp #gossip blog

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thejamesoldier · 5 years

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A Single Frayed Rope

AO3 Link

Chapter 2

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the long gag between updates! Should have some marvel stuff updated next!

Chapter 3 - Horseshoe Overlook I

Horseshoe Overlook ~ May 1899

The tree Kieran and you are tied to feels like a cheese grater against your back.

Every time you flinch or breathe too heavily the bark chafes against you and its agony. You haven't sat or laid down since the mountain cabins and only a lady who you have learned is called Mary-Beth comes to feed Keiran and you small rips of stale bread or sips of water regularly. She does it quickly and when the least amount of people are watching, but you're grateful for it. It's the first display of genuine kindness you've been shown since...traveling. Time traveling.

Yeah you still haven't come to terms with that.

Most of the camp has come by to take stock of the two of you, some to antagonize and demean while others offer small tokens of food or coffee if you both are looking particularly pitiful that day. Some of the gang have beaten Kieran and to your horror beat you too, some have dropped food just out of your reach, tossed their still lit cigarette buds at your faces, talked to you like you were the worst scum of the earth. You had never been in a situation where nobody...cared, nobody cared what was done to you and everybody relished in your discomfort and pain. These people were cruel, the kind of cruel you read about in history books and news headlines and watched in movies. The kind of cruel you believed you'd never have to experience like your ancestors did.

"Mercy! Please!" Kieran moans to a passerby, his voice a racket in the quiet foggy morning and effectively wrenching you from your thoughts.

You try to tamper down the brittleness threatening to shatter your chest and allow your senses to distract you from your fear. The abuse has become so regular you eventually reached a point where you began trying to anticipate their cruelty, desperately trying to find a pattern to it. And in doing so you unintentionally became an expert on these people. At first you started discreetly observing how they treat each other, how each person does their chores, how they act when eating together or singing together. Then you learned each of their names and cataloged their habits, committing every little interaction and detail to memory. You have to know the enemy to defeat them, or in your case simply survive them. Apart from your rapt daily assessment of your captors, there's not much else for you to do other than suffer. Though you choose to do it silently unlike Kieran for you fear if you open your mouth god knows what will come out of it. Plus the second you allow yourself to truly indulge in your fears, is the moment you lose your ability to be present in any given situation and survive it.

The passerby Kieran is wailing to is a big heavy set man who you've guessed is the camp cook, or something like that. Pearson is what everyone calls him. He is always one of the first to wake, preparing a communal coffee pot which he sets by a fire pit that burns a couple paces in front of Kieran and your tree, and then sets to work on various chores like chopping up fresh game or tanning leather, before starting on a stew of some sort for dinner. The smells of food, actual hearty food, has been the worst torture thus far. You've shit and wet yourself more than you'd care to keep track of and it makes you wish for death more than wading through miles of hip deep snow did. You're constantly terrified your body will shut down without your consent too, rendering you unconscious and unprotected. You hadn't slept a whole week after you were first tied to the tree, and you've barely done so since. It's been about three weeks now.

Pearson doesn't even look your way, much to Kieran's disappointment, and continues on with his routine deaf and blind like everyone else is to your pain. You don't know why Kieran's trying so hard. I mean yeah you want mercy too but from the welcome you've been given, you seriously doubt begging for scraps of kindness like Kieran is will give you much favor when they do eventually decide what to do with you. You want to think it couldn't hurt to try, but with these kind of people you figure compassion is a tall order to expect of them, let alone ask of them.

"When is this gonna end!" Kieran cries to no one in particular as he sags against the tree and hangs his head. His defeat you feel in the core of your being.

"Speak! Don't cry, boy." Someone barks suddenly, making you both jump at being addressed directly as it usually foreshadows bruises and split lips.

A figure appears out of the heavy morning fog like a menacing monster from a story book. Reality soothes your strained imagination when you recognize the man as Arthur as he bends down over the fire to pour himself a cup of coffee. A strange kind of relief twists in your gut -- at least it's not Bill. Bill had yet to take up on his promise to 'break you for his own' and 'make you squeal'.

"Speak. About your gang." Arthur stands to his full height once he's done with the pot, walking lazily over to stand in front of the both of you with all the causal menace of a great predator.

Blowing gently on the hot beverage Arthur settles his weight in one hip before taking a measured sip from the steaming tin cup, his free hand adjusting his ammunition belt that hangs low on his hips. When he brings the cup away from his face and swallows with a soft hum of contentment, Kieran drops his head at the display and starts honest to god sobbing.

"I can't..." Kieran whimpers, his lungs working against the tightness in his throat.

"Boy," Arthur warns, violence coloring his eyes as he just stands in front of the both of you and sips. He knows Kieran and you are close to breaking, knows it and relishes in it.

Fucking bastard.

"Excuse me?"

Your heart jumps when you realize you had just said that out loud. Dread promptly drains all the blood from your face.

"Wanna say that again?" Arthur turns his full attention to you as Kieran heaves around tears that won't come because the both of you are too dehydrated.

Your first instinct is to cower, to submit, to survive, but there's something severe in the way Arthur makes you feel as he glares at you. A dare. A threat. And now that you've opened your mouth, the first time doing so since the mountains, you can't stop yourself from repeating with perfectly articulated diction,

"Fucking bastard."

"First time you've spoken since the mountains and that's what you choose to say? Aw that's not too smart. Not the language of a lady, is it?"

As you press your lips together your chin gives a violent quiver at the clear implication in his tone. Your eyes grow guarded and your fear swiftly resurfaces and makes itself known by twisting your gut into knots. Arthur locks you into a staring contest you can't escape from. Unfocused, directionless rage holds court in his eyes, looking like its lived there unchecked for some time -- grown rotten -- though the rest of his expression speaks to a more complex range of emotions you don't know him well enough to decode. Of all the people in the gang, Arthur you know the least about. He's a ghost. He's rarely in camp and when he is his stays are short. This makes Arthur and his actions impossible to predict. Which makes Arthur the most dangerous. What you are able to gather though besides the undercurrent of rage, is an unimaginable need to unleash said rage on anyone or anything. You refuse to be the excuse he needs so you shut up and just stare back, unsure of what you are attempting to prove or accomplish by not looking away. What you gain by facing all that rage.

"Woah, hold your horses," Comes a new voice as another monster emerges from the fog.

It's the man with curly black shoulder length hair, the one with the authority, the one that everyone seems to listen to without question. Dutch is his name. Your first impression of him pleading in that cabin in the mountains with the man you've remembered to be Hosea, contradicts the swaggering asshole he presents himself as to Kieran and you. Though he's a swaggering asshole to everyone but these people...this gang. His gang. You made sure to pick out the leaders and sort out the hierarchy first.

Dutch saunters up to stand beside Arthur followed by that horrible wretch Bill.

"It seems the cat has got our friend here's tongues." Dutch continues in a colorful drawl, "I was thinking Mr. Williamson could have a word."

'The pleasure of breakin' you for my own is gonna be so much fun.'

You violently shove away the memory of Bill's promise before it shows on your face. You pretend you don't remember the fact that they took the metal cot from the mountain cabin with them, and that Bill is probably itching to stretch you out on it and torture you for information you didn't have.

"You ready to talk boy?" Bill snarls as he gets up in Kieran's face before turning his eye on you and giving you a toothy sneer, showing off all of his yellowing teeth, "What about you? You ready to share?"

"I told you mister," Kieran all but whimpers as his eyes jump between all three men with a desperation you are currently trying to swallow. Bill swings his attention away from you, "I told all of you. I don't know nothin' okay? Th-they ain't no friends of mine. I've just been ridin' with 'em for awhile --,"

"Horseshit!" Bill interrupts with a loud curse, causing you to flinch so harshly against the tree you slice one of your raw fingers on a peeling piece of bark. Arthur almost startles because of how badly you startled. He notes the steady stream of blood dripping down into the grass from your fingers tied behind your back. His eyebrows furrow. He says nothing. "You see we heard that part so how about you tell the truth."

Bill turns to you for an answer, receives none, then turns to Dutch.

"Dutch what do you want me to do?"

"Hurt them so the next time they open their mouths, it is to tell us what is goin' on!" Dutch nearly shouts, causing you to involuntarily shut your eyes and shake as your fear gets the better of you despite your efforts to be brave. They all pick up on your fear now, blatant as it is in the wake of such a threat of violence. "Ah who am I kiddin'," Dutch lowers his voice to almost a hush, tone growing oddly intimate as he pushes his face closer and closer to yours, "O'Driscolls won't open their mouths, unless to tell a lie."

There's a beat of silence as Dutch eyes you up, then Kieran -- determining how hard it'll be to break you.

"Screw it. Let's just have some fun!" Dutch turns to Bill and scissors his fingers, "Geld him."

"Oh yeah!" Bill whoops as he bounds off to get whatever torture instrument they have ready.

Dutch turns to you then as Kieran's panic rockets alongside yours, "Arthur,"

Arthur has been quiet this whole time, so you jolt when he adjusts his weight between his feet at being called upon. He's standing closer to you than you thought.

"If you'd be so kind," Dutch says as he holds his hand up in a clear gesture for Arthur to back hand you across the face. You can't even look at Arthur, at either of them as Kieran's wails fill your ears and your heartbeat suffocates the breath in your dry swollen throat. Your eyes close again and like when you were young, you somehow hope that if you can't see what is trying to harm you, then it can't see you either.

Arthur hesitates.

He hesitates too long and something shifts in Dutch's eyes then. It's small and Arthur doesn't notice because he can't pull his gaze away from the woman shivering in front of him. What kind of a man beats a cowering helpless woman, Arthur thinks to himself.

What kind of man would ask you to do that? A tiny voice deep in his mind furthers.

Arthur can feel Dutch scowling at his hesitation, though he remains silent until Bill returns with a pair of hot iron tongs. Dutch and Bill cajole the O'Driscoll boy about losing his balls and Dutch goes on about eunuchs in Rome or something, but Arthur can't do much else but watch the woman try to breathe. He hears it wheeze a little whenever she inhales and it makes something in his gut twist uncomfortably. Bill snapping the hot tongs inches from the boy's crotch catches Arthur's attention and he finds himself whiplashing back into the present, not realizing he'd been transported from it in the first place.

"You sick bastards! What do you want from me!" The O'Driscoll cries out as he squishes himself as far back against the tree as his bindings allow.

"Well, you are going to talk," Dutch says, his bravado restored as Arthur's attention returns to the present at his words, "The only question is now, or after we got these little fellers off?"

"Okay! Okay! Listen! I know where O'Driscoll's holed up and you're right, he don't like you any more than you like him. He's at Six Point Cabin, I'll take you there! Serious, I don't like him. I mean I like him even less than I like you -- no offense."

Dutch scoffs, "None taken."

He then puts a hand on Bill's arm, and Williamson lowers the tongs.

"Okay then partner," Arthur starts, "Why don't you take a few of us up there right now."

Arthur turns to Dutch and nods, "I got this Dutch. Should be fun!"

As he moves around Bill and begins to untie the boy, Bill says, "Well what about the whore?"

Arthur's fingers slip on the knot he'd been working on. He grunts his frustration and pulls his hunting knife out, cutting clean through the ropes in one deft swipe.

Dutch hums to himself, appraising the woman with something entirely wicked gleaming in his eye.

"Do what you want with her. She might know more... personal information on Colm than the boy. Women I have found are always harder to break, so don't go easy on her."

Bill cackles at that and starts to move towards the woman and Arthur can't --

"Dutch," Arthur hears himself interject, chest tight, "Lets leave her alone for now. Brute force ain't gon' work on this one anyway, I can feel it. She seems the smart silent type."

Arthur sees something foreign swirl in Dutch's irises, something he's never seen there before -- can't identify -- which is strange because he knows Dutch better than he knows himself, but its then that Arthur realizes he'd subconsciously moved to place himself between Williamson and the woman. Shuddering breaths sound quietly from behind him and it makes him clench his teeth.

"Plus," Arthur forces out of his tight jaw, "I think Williamson should come with me to shoot up the O'Driscoll's our friend here will be leadin' us to." Arthur nods his head at Bill, "Go grab Marston and tell him he's ridin' with us."

Bill looks to Dutch,

"Go with Arthur," Dutch says, "We'll leave the other O'Driscoll here to contemplate her options."

Arthur turns then, actively choosing to ignore the subtle complexity of what just happened, as he hauls the O'Driscoll boy along threatening him the entire short way to the hitching posts.

Across camp Hosea had been watching the whole exchange. His eyebrows dig low into his gaze when he catches the undecipherable look Dutch gives Arthur's back.

The second you're left alone, you feel exposed in a way you hadn't before. With Kieran gone you find your fear has tripled. There is no one to share the horror with, no one to exchange small whispered words of comfort in the middle of the night, no one to just be there beside you. It's just you, freshly re-tied to the tree, by yourself and vulnerable. It hits you then how truly alone you are, and you realize that you literally don't know anybody. Even if you escaped or were miraculously let go, you couldn't reach out to anyone not because there's no cell phones or any means of getting in touch with someone, but because no one you know has been born yet. You are alone in the world, alone like you've never been before. You have no one.

You have no one.

The punch of devastation lands swiftly against your chest. The feeling takes your breath away and despite all your success in not showing your true feelings thus far, your face crumples and your head, suddenly much too heavy to hold up, lowers to hang. And like a button was pressed your lungs heave dry sobs past your lips. You're so distracted with your sorrow you forget to stifle your noises.

"Miss?"

Your head shoots up and a painful gasp wrenches open your cinched airways.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you."

It takes your eyes a moment to settle on the tiny figure before you. The sun has journeyed over the sky some since Arthur took Kieran, so evening shadows have begun casting themselves low along the ground. The young boy Jack's shadow stretches all the way to your feet. Your heart settles some from its frantic galloping when you take in the boy's face. Curiosity holds most of the real estate on his features at the moment and you try to soothe yourself as he prepares to talk.

"I was just wonderin' if you were alright?" Jack has his hands knotted together like he knows he's doing something he shouldn't be. You figure talking to the camp prisoner fell under things his mother Abigail would firmly disapprove of.

"I'm okay Jack, go back to your mother. She'll want you near since its getting darker." You manage to say after wrestling your heartbeat and breathing back to normal.

Jack scuffs the tip of his small worn shoe against the dirt, eyes down, head cocked a little as he thinks.

"I just heard you makin' sounds I make when I'm really sad," Your heart clenches at his innocence, at the free kindness of a child, "And I just wanted to tell you that I hope you feel better."

With that Jack quickly turns and scampers away -- only to run smack into Javier who happened to be walking by.

"Woah!" Javier exclaims as he trips over the small kid and Jack tumbles to his knees with a small 'oof', "Slow down Jack,"

Jack mumbles something to Javier you can't hear (you assume its an apology), before Javier helps him to his feet and watches as Jack sprints off in the direction of his mother. Javier looks after Jack for a moment before retracing the boy's initial direction and finding his eyes landing on you. Your heart stops and you immediately lower your gaze. Besides Arthur, Javier is the hardest to get a read on, the hardest to predict. Even towards his own gang members the man keeps people on their best behavior and at a distance. You feel him deciding whether or not to come over, a few throbbing beats go by then -- thank god -- you hear him walk away towards one of the main campfires where most of the camp is collected. Everyone is currently eating dinner and you're grateful the beginnings of a song is enough to coax the man away.

As you sag against the tree you can do nothing but hope for Kieran's return...if he returns at all.

What if Arthur kills him? What if Bill or John kills him?

What if Kieran is set free or escapes and never comes back?

You're especially terrified of that. Of him choosing to leave you even though you wouldn't blame him if he did and would probably do the exact same if the situation were reversed. You know you're just being selfish and awful but you can't help it.

You have no one.

"You're free!"

Your head jerks up at the sound of a familiar voice a few hours later and the loss of tension in the ropes holding you hostage. You don't have the ability to respond as your lungs decide to freeze solid in your chest while your mind works to digest his words. You near collapse as the meaning of them finally settles.

"Wha --," You start with your eyebrows low, chest tight, and scarcely believing what you're hearing.

"Just what do you think you're doin'?" Kieran and you both jump at Arthur's booming voice as he manifests out of the murky evening shadows to loom behind Kieran.

Kieran pivots, "I-I-I thought you said I was one of you now? I th-thought --,"

"I said you's apart of us now, not her."

"But I told you she ain't an O'Driscoll! I told you she --,"

"Just because she ain't an O'Driscoll don't mean she's not a spy." Dutch boasts as he exists his tent, approaching the situation with a very unfriendly look in his eye that does not bode well for you.

You shrink back against the tree, no matter how much the action hurts your back and savagely kills your hope.

"The second you're told you're allowed to live you try settin' our prisoner free? That ain't makin' me too happy boah," Arthur grits through his teeth at Kieran who is quickly backing away from you, arms thrown up in surrender.

"That's not what I meant!" Kieran rushes to explain as you stare up at Dutch who watches you cower before him, "I didn't mean no offense! Promise! I thought --,"

"Well it don't matter what you thought! You may be travelin' with us now but you is still an O'Driscoll, you still hold no respect or position in this gang let alone have the freedom to choose whether or not to release goddamn prisoners!"

Kieran stumbles on something as he'd been backing up from a slowly advancing Arthur, and he trips and falls. He scrambles to his knees and stays there.

"Please sir I didn't mean nothin' by it! I'm sorry!"

"What is it you want Miss?" Dutch drawls as he addresses you. Arthur turns his attention towards you at Dutch's words.

"What?" You whisper, not able to manage a stronger tone.

"What is it, that you want?" Dutch repeats with diction so sharp it could cut.

You know this is probably a trick question, but you're too scared and your mind is too scattered by panic to think of anything clever.

"I want to go home." You reply in hushed devastated defeat.

"And where is home exactly?"

You pause at this, unsure of what to say.

Ah yes I'm from the future and I don't know how to get back! I've time traveled you see and have no idea where I am, what year it is, or who the fuck you people are! Also time traveling is apparently a no shoes no shirt no pants kind of service and you loose any recent memories on top of it! I don't know where I was when I traveled, if I did anything specific or was with anyone when it happened. I remember everything up until the big black space in my memory! Very confusing I know, but if you'd be so kind as to not burn me alive for witchcraft and send me on my way that'd be great!

"Where are you from?" Dutch demands again, moving closer to you and becoming more menacing as you hesitate.

"Up north mostly." Is the weak answer you end up going with.

"Where up north, mostly?" Dutch immediately furthers.

Your mind goes blank when Arthur moves closer to you, both men crowding you into a corner, pushing you back into the tree with each step towards you.

"Why won't you tell us where you are from?"

You silently apologize to your family and friends, but mostly to yourself as you finally...after all this suffering...despite your promises to fight...

Silence reigns, signaling your choice to give up. These people want to kill you, hurt you, have been wanting to finish what they started and you're done denying the inevitability of your situation. You're done.

You hear the click of the safety before you register the hollow barrel of a revolver Dutch points straight between your eyes. No reaction claims your body though, no emotion runs through your heart, no clever escape plan tries to desperately form in your mind...just emptiness and a hollowed out feeling you assume used to be your agony.

"I'll ask you one last time, where are you from?" Dutch pauses then adds, "And who do you work for? Is it the Pinkertons? You have a contract with them?"

"Who?" You find yourself breathing out on a weak exhale, unable to do anything else but stare through the barrel of the weapon aimed at you, past Dutch, and into the nothingness you would soon join.

"They say they'll pay a handsome sum if you bring us all in?!"

Your face smoothes out as Dutch becomes more impassioned. Here it comes.

"You workin' with the law?! You an agent from Blackwater?!"

"Dutch --," A new voice attempts to interrupt. The older man, Hosea, appears at Dutch's flank. His eyes alight with alarm.

"How much money they offerin' you?! They holdin' your secrets hostage?!"

You close your eyes. Any second now.

"Dutch!" Hosea yells, but Dutch remains undeterred.

"You apart of a network?! Huh?! Are there people you workin' with?! Do you have people?!"

"I..." The world crystallizes into glass around you, immortalizing the moment, "I have no one." You whisper, voice collapsing as your soul wrenches itself free with each breath, preparing to depart. "I have nothing. I am no one." In this time.

A feeling so volatile and destructive ignites in your chest then and it reminds you of dying stars. You fall to your knees.

Arthur feels violently uncomfortable as he watches the woman once again dissolve into misery, not even afraid anymore just...done. She's given up. To see someone let go like that makes Arthur cling to his desire to stay alive even more fiercely than he already does. The simple cosmic irony of giving up in a world where dying happens so easily anyway is wrong -- unnatural, it goes against everything Arthur knows.

Two graves. Ten dollars.

Arthur's chest seizes as his reality spins, no one should give up like that. But its not until Arthur sees the look on Hosea's face that the true severity of what they're doing to the woman sinks in. Arthur feels like a hole has just been punched straight through his chest, leaving a gaping gory mass of space where his heart should be as he realizes the look on Hosea's face is disgust.

Disgust.

And its aimed at Dutch.

An inhale forces itself past Arthur's lips and burns in his chest when Hosea steps in front of the woman, and slowly crouches down before her.

"Wha -- Hosea," Dutch attempts to explain, affronted and just as shocked as Arthur by the look he'd been given, "I had to get the truth out of her! You know how watched we are these days. It was for the safety of the gang! I had to do it for us!"

Arthur thinks that's a good reason, he'd do anything for the gang too even if the method didn't sit well with him and it cost him hours of sleep at night, but Hosea doesn't even bother to respond as he starts murmuring soft things to the shaking woman on the ground.

When you hear the safety click back on and Dutch smoothly holster his weapon, a surge of sensation overwhelms you. It feels like breaching the surf of a raging ocean, sound-sight-smell-touch-breath-life roaring at you from all sides. The high that comes after surviving hits you hard -- your soul resettling in your body -- accompanied by a few choice emotions; surprise in yourself is one of them, relief is the most prominent, but that disturbingly detached sort of defeat still lurks in the middle of it all.

You realize with a start that you just evolved, you were presented with an opportunity to fail -- your life literally on the line -- and you survived, even if just barely. A man, Hosea you think, is crouching in front of you, voice gentle words soft trying to coax you away from the emptiness as Dutch rounds on Kieran.

"Whats your name?" He inquires delicately, a kind of respect lining his tone that wasn't there before.

The only hard confirmation you have that you are no longer a prisoner.

Fuck him, you seethe as suddenly that void in you is lit up and replacing it -- manifesting from it -- is insurmountable wrath that burns through what's left of your reservations, fuck all of them.

Eyes a riot of chaos and emotional carnage, you lift your gaze up to Hosea. You watch him take in your expression, watch him as he realizes how dangerous it was to mistreat you. He falls silent, weathered face dropping from its genuine sympathetic plight to one of poorly masked weariness.

You say your name and its a promise, "Y/n."

Arthur knows then that if they don't make her one of them, have her truly believe she has a place in their gang, she would find a way to kill them all.

He witnesses as her will rises from the ashes of her defeat like a phoenix, sparking an invisible fuse with an unpredictable and inevitable explosion at the end of it. Her rebirth is the most magnificent, humbling, and terrifying thing he has ever witnessed. It puts him in sheer trembling awe of her, the kind of awe he gets when watching a bear fight off a pack of wolves single-handedly and win. The kind of awe that leaves him speechless, that appeals to his own unyielding will and tells him he doesn't stand a chance, not really, not if its important, not against her.

He sees the fury take hold of her, relishing in its newest host, and the twisted part of him that's sick with violence grins.

Unable, or more like unwilling, to process the swath of emotion currently attempting to suffocate him, Arthur tears his gaze away from her -- away from her fury that threatens to ignite his own, and heads straight for Sabine before getting the fuck out of camp.

Thoughts? Share them if you’d like! xxx

Chapter 4

Masterlist

#A Single Frayed Rope #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x y/n #arthur morgan x fem!reader #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur morgan #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 #my works #my writing #thejamesoldier

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skammovistarplus · 5 years

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Culture and Translation - S01 E07 and SKAM+ Clip 3

I hope I get these done before season 2 starts dropping, that’s all I’ll say. 😂

CLIP 1: Foreshadowing

Es un poco rancio, ¿no? (“It’s not hip, no?”): Fucking Jorge and his untranslatable slang. Okay, so “rancio” literally means “rancid” — and a bunch of other things besides, but this is the meaning closest to the way Jorge uses it. Jorge means that the power of invisibility is overused, boring, the kind of thing someone totally out of touch would pick. Simply put, it’s not cool, and may not have ever been cool.

Es como el superpoder de los cotillas (“It’s like the gossips’ superpower”): “Cotilla” is both a busybody and someone who gossips a lot. Either way, they like being all up on your business.

I think it’s notable that this is all that remains from the og storyline where Jonas wants to meet Eva’s mom, but ultimately bails because he’s smoking weed at Ingrid’s. Eva simply puts Jorge’s request off and it’s never spoken of again.

Personally, I have to say that Eva sharing basically none of her life with her mom rang true to me. I spoke with one of the people who attended the research groups, who told me they were asked about how much or how little they share with their parents. She said most people agreed that teens spend time with their families, but they don’t talk to their parents about their lives all that much. As a teen, my parents were on a need-to-know basis when it came to who my friends were or who I was dating, much less at what point sex, booze and other drugs came into my life.

CLIP 2: Diseased Pomeranian

Ay, que me mato (“Ah, I’m gonna die”): There’s a bit of a nuance to what Eva says. To die, in Spanish, is “morir”. “Matar” means to kill. Eva means she’s going to hurt herself getting off Jorge’s back and then die, so not quite the same as passing peacefully, lol.

Que me pica un huevo la nariz (“My nose is itching something terrible”): Indeed, Viri says that her nose is itching, but she uses “un huevo” as an intensifier. “Un huevo” would usually mean an egg, but in this register it means a testicle, heh. So her nose is itching in a testicley way.

Viri says in episode 8 that the girl that runs into Eva is a second year. At any rate, Alicia and Inés hung out over the summer with her.

We get a medium close-up of Alicia as the nameless second year passes by her. Alicia has noticed that the second year has herpes, as well. It’s a brief moment, but we can tell that Alicia puts two and two together, as well.

CLIP 3: In which ALEJANDRO tries to get a passing grade in Maths

This is an underrated moment, but I find it hilarious that Eva invokes the “not all men” defense. Especially since Inés preys on Eva’s insecurity at the end of the clip.

No me jodas (“don´t fuck me over”): This is just one of those Spanish things that we’ll say over and over. I tried different translations through the course of the season, but I still haven’t settled on one that I think really hits the spot. “Don’t fuck me over” works, but it might come across as Eva’s feelings being hurt, rather than something we say… over and over, heh.

Please don’t miss Alejandro adjusting his junk. Lol he’s so douchey.

There’s a school desk in the bathroom. This is not an uncommon sight in Spanish high schools, but I don’t really have a good explanation for it. Like, it’s just a thing. I guess people will drag a desk over at recess, so they can more comfortably hang out in the bathrooms, and then nobody ever bothers dragging them back?

And, of course, this has been noted, but the graffiti on the wall is a pun. If you read it without the R in parenthesis, it says, “Woman, love yourself.” If you read it adding the R, it says, “Woman, arm yourself.”

Pues a la de mates le está saliendo uno (“the Maths hardass is developing a cold sore too”): What Cris actually says is, “So, the Maths [female pronoun] is developing one,” but for the sake of clarity, I rephrased it to remind the people watching that the girls see the Maths teacher as a toughie, and also, so what Cris is implying about Alejandro and the Maths teacher is more obvious.

I really love that Inés actually smells Jorge’s sweatshirt/hoodie (it’s not clear from dialogue which is it). That’s a power move in any culture.

CLIP 4: Corviches are so hot right now

Encaja todo, claro (“It makes sense, of course”): The closer translation is, “It all fits, of course.” I just wasn’t sure the meaning would be clear, especially when they’re all talking so fast.

Tío, ¿y si nos acoplamos a tus hermanos? (“Dude, and if we crash your brothers’ plans?”): First off, Amira is addressing Cris, but she uses “tío” and not “tía.” This is common and there’s nothing noteworthy about it, but I wanted to mention it in case people had noticed characters of any gender addressing female characters as “tío.” Second, Amira is using slang that would be literally translated to, “what if we dock up with your brothers?” The visual is adorable (to me anyway), but I went with a less literal phrasing that makes more sense in English. I also love that this is apparently something Cris and Amira have done enough that it’s what comes to Amira’s mind first as an alternate weekend idea.

Lol easy there with the age foreshadowing, show. Looking at Cris, Jorge and Lucas specifically.

Jorge says he wants to spin tecno (or techno, in English ). In Spain, tecno has become something of a catch-all term for all EDM genres, rather than the specific mid-80s genre. In hindsight, I’d use EDM instead of electronica.

In case you hadn’t looked corviches up yet, here is a recipe + pic in English. They’re similar to hot pockets, but the dough is made with peanuts and plantains. Also, apparently, very successful with girls! I have not had them (yet!)

Cris notes that daylight savings time ends that weekend. She and the script writers are correct! She remembers because that gives them an extra hour of partying, but the social media updates stopped before 2 am. Who knows when Cris got back home, though!

At some point in this clip, Jorge and Lucas talk to each other among the general chatter. For once, Lucas’ voice doesn’t carry over the others like a powerful siren, so I was never able to make out what they said. Missed opportunities.

CLIP 5: As if millions of voices suddenly cried out in joy and were suddenly silenced

Debuti (“G shit”): This is one of the translations that I’m happiest about. Debuti sounds very Madrid-specific to me, and so I wanted something really specific and that would stick out. “Debuti” comes up a few times over the season, but it is always said by Eva. It’s Eva’s catchphrase.

I hope it came through in the subs, but while Eva is reading Jorge’s texts, the gang is having a ridiculously hard time trying to pronounce corviches, in the background. To be fair I’m biased because I’ve studied linguistics, but it doesn’t seem like a word a native Spanish speaker would have trouble with.

We first hear Alejandro’s voice as he comes in Nora’s house! Unless you watched the Aitana extra clip, of course. On that note, there’s no animosity whatsoever between the boy squad and Alejandro’s crew. They give each other friendly high fives, it’s all chill.

This party only came to be the day before. Imagine what Cris would’ve done with a few days heads up.

I wonder if Cris was looking to hook up with Lucas at this party, and, since he didn’t feel like being social, she hooked up with Hugo, instead. Seeing how hard a time she’s had shaking Hugo off, I think it would’ve gone better for her if Lucas had agreed to a dance.

And speaking of Lucas, you can kind of see the order in which some scenes were shot, by tracking Lucas’ actor’s cold sore. And yes, it is an actual cold sore and not make up for the show, lol. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that. What amazing timing on the cold sore’s part to be at the scab stage during ALEJANDRO FERNANDO ROBERTO’s herpes week.

Pues muy bien (“Good for her”): It’s not exactly what Alejandro says. What he says would be closer to, “Okay, very good.” But I think “Good for her” really gets across how little Alejandro cares about what Nora is saying, at this point of the confrontation.

¿Es que no te salían pelos en los huevos? (“You didn’t grow hair in your balls?”): Omg. It’s ON. ON. I am cringing so hard at this mistake in the subs.

CLIP 6: 🙃🙃🙃

I saw someone asking on twitter, so yes, those giant plastic cups are a thing here. They have different names depending on what part of Spain you’re from. In Madrid, they’re called “mini,” and they have a volume of 750 ml (or a little over three cups). They’re most often used for street drinking.

Eva drinks KNEBEP Vodka, which is sold at (you guessed it) Mercadona, for 4 euro per bottle. My liver is crying just thinking about it.

The first song that plays over this clip is Aitana’s Teléfono (Telephone). We remember Aitana from Cristian’s party!

CLIP 7: 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Te he oído que estabas con Inés (“I could hear you were with Inés”): Literally, “I have heard you, that you were with Inés.”

Por eso he coincidido con Inés (“That’s why Inés was around”): Collins dictionary says that “coincidir” in the sense Jorge is using it would be translated as, “to happen to meet.” I.e. “That’s why I’ve happened to meet Inés.” But I didn’t like it, because Jorge was at Inés’ house. Of course Inés was around. He didn’t just happen to run into her somewhere random. Hope the translation worked!

Tranquila (“It’s okay”): We had something of a debate over the way to translate this. Jorge says “tranquila,” which is the female form of the adjective “calm.” TAJTA wanted to translate it as “calm down.” I didn’t agree, because in Spanish, that would be “tranquilízate.” Jorge is simply repeating “tranquila” to Eva as a means to soothe her, like you do with a crying person. So, rather than “calm down,” I suggested that Jorge repeat “It’s okay.”

Jorge does say “tranquilízate” over the credits, and in that instance we did translate it as “calm down.”

EXTRA CLIP 3: Hugo psyches himself out

This clip takes place between clip 4 and 5! It happens on Friday evening.

At the 00:21 mark, the camera focuses on a graffiti of a blue-skinned woman, with yellow text next to her. It says, “We are the witches you couldn’t kill.”

Pero si estoy más sudado que el rabo de Nadal (“I’m sweatier than Nadal’s wang though”): This is the exact translation, word for word. I just wanted to make clear I did not make anything up in that sentence. By the way, it took a bit to settle on wang among all the many words for a penis.

Nos alegramos porque un colega nuestro está a punto de mojar (“We’re happy because a buddy is gonna get his dick wet”): Dilan is not quite so explicit, he just says Hugo is going to “mojar,” literally, “to wet.” But, it just made me realize that “get his dick wet” is pretty much what “mojar” has meant all this time, and I just hadn’t really thought about it until I had to translate it for a teen show.

Concha de tu madre (“hurry up”): This is Latin American slang. I actually had to read up on usage, because it is most often used as an insult having to do with someone’s mother’s vagina. But I’m pretty sure that, in this context, Dilan only intends to hurry Hugo up. 😂

Social media:

I just want to have a minor breakdown about Eva actually referring to Lucas as her and Jorge’s son, lol.

Jorge has the Théophile Steinlen’s Le Chat Noir poster up in his room. As I mentioned in a previous post, Tomás Aguilera seems to be both a fan of cats and of French. The three videos of Jorge messing with his DJ system are among my very favorite Skam España social media content, because for once, they’re not a selfie.

It looks as though the shipname for Hugo/Cris is Crugo, to answer a question I posed when I posted the social media updates.

“Olé” finally makes an appearance on Skam España. I’ve decided to keep it as is, because some things would be a crime to translate. In case you’re not aware, “olé” is used to express approval and it’s commonly associated with flamenco music and bullfighting. However, it’s not just used in those two contexts. It can be used in any context. I often use it sarcastically, when someone has fucked up. 😋

#culture and translation #skam españa #skam spain #skames #skamesp

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atomkrp-blog · 5 years

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WELCOME TO XAVIER’S, PARK HYUNJAE !

… loading statistics. currently aged twenty, entering first semester of xavier’s in seoul, south korea. decrypting files… mutant has the following records: strength +4, durability+6, agility +6, dexterity +2, intelligence +7. currently, he is classified under tier omega.

BACKGROUND.

The universe has a cruel sense of humour, and Park Hyunjae has always felt like a punchline.

He’s never been sure of the joke, but even from a young age it has seemed as though it has revelled in throwing adversity at him and laughing as he scrambles to deal with the consequences. The boy who wanted nothing more than to be seen and accepted for who he was transformed into an invisible man. Even before his mutation presented itself though the deck had been stacked against him, life seeming to place an obstacle around every corner.

Though they’d like you to think otherwise, London is not the liberal bastion that it proclaims itself to be, especially not in the years before he was born. It was not kind to the poor and disadvantaged. It was not kind to immigrants. It was not kind to single mothers. His mother just so happened to be all three. Shortly after moving to the country she falls madly in love and marries a man, falls pregnant with Hyunjae, and mere months later the father passes away in a traffic accident. She stays strong though; she has to for the sake of her child. Rather than support from the community though, she is met with nothing but disdain and distrust.

Hyunjae is born as a perfectly normal, decidedly average baby. Looking at him then you would not have been able to guess that he harboured a mutant gene. The early years of his life are largely a blur; he doesn’t remember much. His mother works three jobs, scrubbing floors, waiting tables and doing whatever else she can to desperately try and make ends meet. She was often absent, leaving him with a revolving cast of babysitters who paid him little attention, but her deep rooted care for her son was always obvious. Her eyes scream of exhaustion and desperation, but her mouth always curls into a smile and hides the struggle: a technique that he’s come to adopt as his own.

It was a happy, if slightly lonely childhood. Until school it had been a sheltered life, but suddenly he is surrounded by people who seem to care, to find him interesting. They don’t glare at him and mumble under their breath, they don’t call him every name under the sun, they’re just… nice. It takes him about a week to fall completely in love with the spotlight, the feeling of being liked, after which he makes it his mission to be the centre of attention at all times.

To begin with it works. Everyone loves him, the class clown with a smart mouth who will do just about anything to get a laugh. As time passes and they grow older the mood begins to sour. There are some that still laugh, but there are an equal number who sneer and see him as lesser. Maybe it’s because he comes from a poorer background, maybe it’s because he’s the child of an immigrant, or maybe it’s because they find his personality overbearing. Perhaps it’s a mixture of all three, or none of them at all. Either way, it’s enough to cause him to slowly withdraw back into his shell and shelter alongside his little group of outcasts who are also treated as lesser for whatever reason.

He first begins to come to terms with his sexuality when he’s fourteen years old. Looking back now he can’t even remember the boy’s name, but the slightest hint of a smile was enough to hypnotise him. At first it confuses him, terrifies him, fills him with shame. It’s not a topic that has ever been discussed in his house, but it’s one that he’s almost certain would garner nothing but repulsion from his mother. And so the feelings are repressed. But no matter how deeply he pushes them down they pop back up like a perpetual game of whack a mole. Over the years he learns to deal with them, accepting the reality and debating whether or not he’ll ever be able to act on them.

He’s already lost one parent, he can’t lose another. It’s a small sacrifice to make in his mind.

The first time he has the courage to make a move he’s sixteen years old. That same boy with the quiet voice, the wide-eyed innocence and that damn smile is pulled aside, everything is laid on the line and, much to his surprise, he isn’t shunned. In fact, quite the opposite. Events transpire and the two wind up in a relationship.

If the universe is cruel though, teenagers are downright sadistic.

It turns out that they’d only needed a stick to beat him with in order to make his life a misery, and his sexuality was a metaphorical baseball bat. By this point he’s largely estranged from his peers, barely existing outside of his tiny friendship group who exist firmly on the outskirts. Perhaps they had not been quite careful enough in concealing their affection for one another, or perhaps it was just an idle rumour dreamed up by someone with nothing better to do with their time, but the relationship became public knowledge or at the least speculation. Whereas before it had simply been whispers behind backs and mocking words, it now developed to full on harassment. Things got physical on more than one occasion but he refused to bow to it or sink to their level and fight back.

The cycle of harassment repeats, each time worse than the last. By his seventeenth birthday he’s become a mater of hiding bruises and putting on a brave face, pretending that nothing is wrong. A week after, they get another stick.

During one of the now regular beatings, his mutation finally reveals itself. Pinned to the ground struggling desperately to get free before the next blow to is ribs is delivered, terror flashes across his features just before they vanish. His urgent pleading remains, as do the clothes still attempting to thrash loose, but in the place of his head is only sidewalk. They recoil, confused, as the clothes float upwards and speed away.

Hyunjae doesn’t know what has happened. He doesn’t know why they stumbled back in horror and let him free, and he doesn’t intend to stick around to find out. Instead he heads for home as fast as his legs will carry him, heavy breathing matching every frantic step until he reaches the door. It slams behind him, and he lets out a sigh of relief before painting on his usual happy face and calling out to greet his mother before she rushes to her next shift. When she emerges from the kitchen her smile turns to a look of abject horror.

She screams. She passes out.

Panic takes over as he rushes to her side, pulling his phone from his pocket to call emergency services. And then, in reflected in the darkened glass, he finally notices.

He doesn’t have a head. Or arms. Or legs. He’s just a floating pile of clothes.

He screams. He passes out.

Needless to say that when he awakes he has questions. As does his mother, who is currently backed against the wall with a carving knife pointed in his direction. The sound of his heart cracking fills the room. Turns out that it was never going to be his sexuality that tore his family apart. A glance down confirms that he’s visible once more and remains so as he tries to speak to her. “Someone must have put something in the water, we were hallucinating” he says. “What have you done with my boy?” She says. “I don’t know what’s happening. I need my mom.” He cries. “Monster.” She cries back.

Eventually she’s talked down, though disgust is still evident on her features. He’s permitted to stay, but they are not to be in the house at the same time. They don’t speak. She won’t even refer to him by name anymore, and in fact he’s fairly certain that she tells people that he’s left town or died. School isn’t a priority, and he cuts himself off from the world almost entirely. The battery is removed from his phone, the boy isn’t spoken to again and his friends are left in the dark. He drops off of the face of the earth.

Over time he manages to maintain some control over his powers. The idea of being a mutant doesn’t repulse him; in fact, it fascinates him. He learns how to become invisible on command and that he’s also capable of hiding his clothes with enough focus. Days are spent blinking in and out of existence, hiding himself when the house is occupied so that he doesn’t have to leave. The world can’t hurt him in his bedroom he reasons.

His mother can though, with a knock on his door in the middle of the night startling enough to cause him to shift. Again, he doesn’t realize until he swings the door open and her face swells with a mixture of nausea and shame. His heart hits the floor, crashing through when he hears the words. Paperwork is shoved into his hands as she stares directly through him. “You’re on a flight to Seoul tomorrow. These people help…. Things like you. They might be able to fix you, bring my son back.”

“And if they can’t, don’t come back here.”

Which brings us to now. He’s a stranger in a strange land with nobody to turn to and armour-plated walls built around himself. A hermit with no idea what he’s doing, not sure what he’s supposed to do or even what he wants to. Still the façade of happiness that he’s spent so long painstakingly painting remains though. He has to seem strong, as though nothing is wrong, because humans prey on weakness, and they are nothing if not a cruel species.

He’s fine. Because he has to be.

But really he’s crumbling, barely holding himself together. Because he can’t handle much more.

MUTATION.

Hyunjae’s mutation allows him to become completely invisible, making himself undetectable by the human eye. This allows him to remain undetected by others and to move around an environment unnoticed. He also possesses limited cloaking abilities, allowing him to render select objects, and in certain cases other people, invisible as well.

STRENGTHS.

Completely Invisible – Hyunjae is able to render himself completely invisible instantaneously. This means that others are unable to see him or observe his movements. In this state he can move at a normal speed and act normally whilst remaining completely undetected. Whilst this mutation does not lend itself to combat, it makes him an excellent stealth and recon asset.

Limited Cloaking – As well as being able to render himself invisible, Hyunjae has developed (limited) cloaking abilities, allowing him to also make objects and, in exceptional circumstances, other people invisible. Physical contact must be maintained at all times and the larger the object the greater the drain on his stamina.

Stealth Combat – Though he is not an especially gifted fighter and would rather use his abilities to avoid conflict, Hyunjae is able to maintain invisibility during combat, even after receiving a direct hit. He is still extremely vulnerable to damage, but being invisible makes him a harder target to strike and goes some way to making up for his lack of strength.

WEAKNESSES.

Deteriorating Vision – Hyunjae’s mutation has wreaked havoc on his vision, and each time he becomes invisible it becomes ever so slightly worse. His eyes absorb considerably less light when in his invisible state, and as such have become damaged over time leading to the need for extremely strong prescription glasses. If he remains in his invisible state for too long he risks temporary (Or potentially permanent) blindness.

Unreliable Cloaking – His cloaking abilities are extremely limited and often unreliable. He can only cloak an object whilst invisible himself, and only with focus. The larger the object, the more focus and energy required. At present he is able to cloak his clothes and glasses for up to three hours, an object up to one cubic meter for half an hour, or another person for ten minutes.

Detectable – Invisible does not mean undetectable. He does not cast a shadow, but weather conditions such as rain or snow will real his shape and he still leaves footprints. If he is severely injured and for example leaving a blood trail It will also be visible. Sound is also not dampened in any way.

Triggered by emotion / adrenaline – Hyunjae can trigger his invisibility at will, but it will also flare up without warning when he experiences a rush of adrenaline or a strong emotional response to outside stimulus. Embarrassment, fear and anger seem to be the two most common causes but it is not limited to these. This is, at present, completely beyond his control

Detectable by technology – There have been a handful of times when Hyunjae was able to render himself undetectable by technology, but for the most past his power is only effective against organics. He is visible to cameras and most security systems, as well as when exposed to infrared, ultraviolet, x-rays, etc.

Coverage – Hyunjae’s ability is very much an all or nothing affair. He cannot make only a specific part of his body or an object, such as a hand or an arm, invisible. This means that it is a greater drain on his stamina.

Physically Draining – Maintaining invisibility takes a toll on Hyunjae, and retaining it over an extended period rapidly drains his stamina. As a general rule he should be visible for at least one hour for every hour spent invisible. At present he can remain invisible for up to six hours before exhaustion hits, and can cloak small objects for up to three. Though he can exceed this in a pinch, his powers will be unreliable and may short out at any given moment. He will also take considerably longer to recharge after over-exerting himself, typically through sleep.

#at:profile #tw homophobia #tw bullying #tw violence #tw emotional neglect

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goodeveningtowrite · 6 years

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Friends

First little exercise I spun out this week from this list! Other requests were: 2, 4, 5, and 11, with an optional 6 or 7. At least some of these will follow, and some of these will be related to this mini-universe -- remember, these are breakup prompts! Thanks so much to everyone who’s sent things in. x

She’d rather stub her toe.

That’s an easy thing to offer as an alternative to any unpleasant activity, because what’s a stubbed toe really? She could say she’d rather cut off her hand, but who in reality is actually going to alter their bodies so drastically? After all, if that did anything, wouldn’t there be a world of people with one hand and missing legs and ears like Van Gogh? And a world better able to accommodate them?

But their mutual friends had set up a camping trip and it wasn't the sort of thing she’d normally do — mosquitos drive her crazy and they seem to like her most — so she thought she should.

Therein lies her problem, because he’s there, too.

Nobody had thought they'd both accept she's been assured. Otherwise....

Nobody had finished that thought, and it'd be unfair to ask them to choose even hypothetically. Those had been the terms of the split — no children of the divorce. And that, they swore, was why they thought it'd be fine!

"You're friends, aren't you?"

Yeah. Friends. Friends who haven't spoken in about seven months save for a happy birthday text to him and a merry Christmas text to each other, because Christmas had been their thing and they were both probably letting go of the last straw that day.

But they don't hate each other. They'd never hated each other, and if they had, it might've been easier to end things. Instead, it'd been two people with too much love for each other scared of losing the friendship that'd brought them together in the first place and a relationship that was allowed to hobble along on its last legs until it gave out in the middle of the road. And in the end, it's that friendship that had been lost.

So, sure. They're friends, if it means anything.

And as friends, he'd asked if she wanted to head down to the lake with him. "It's just over that way."

She should have known the vague direction of his crooked pointer finger was just that — vague.

Thwack.

Her hand drags across her arm where she'd smacked at an itchy, twitchy feeling, and blood smears in its path, making her wrinkle her nose.

"Son of a--"

"I don't have any."

He's calm, he's zen, his skin is absent of mosquito welts, and it makes her scowl.

"Good for you."

His next step on the wooden plank over the swampy water lands hard and she sees him shaking the back of his head.

"It's not funny," she mutters above his distinct chuckle.

The back of his head bobs from side-to-side, and she recognizes the unspoken, “Kind of is…..”

"So, where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"The lake?"

Silence.

"Where's the lake?”

“That way.”

And then she knows.

“You don’t know, do you?” she asks, gingerly descending a jagged pile of rocks that blends into a worn dirt path after him.

“Buddy of mine and I found it before,” he says. “It’s not that hard to find.”

She groans, slowing her steps and placing her hands on her hips. Her thighs are starting to chafe and the same humidity that’s caused that is making her t-shirt stick to the thin trickle of sweat rolling down her spine. She’s been promised a dip in the lake and that’s what’s kept her going, but without the lake….

“We should go back,” she says. “I’m going back.”

“C’mon,” he says with a whine. “Y’gonna give up so easy?”

She grows hot in her face and chest, and she thinks he knows what he’s said and how it’s sounded when his flushed, sweaty cheeks turn a deeper red.

Neither of them have talked about it, and she’s not about to now.

“You go on,” she says. “I’ll see you back there.”

She climbs the same path and rocks she’d come down, gripping the bark of a spruce tree to steady herself when her foot slips out from under her on a mossy rock.

“Ouch— fuck!”

Breaking her face had been avoided, but breaking her skin hadn’t. Turning her stinging palm over, she finds dirt, sticky sap, and fresh pricks of blood springing up. She hisses, grabbing her wrist, and watches new spots appear with the pressure.

She feels him — first his hands on her waist and wrist respectively and then his body heat — before she hears him.

“Let me see. Does it hurt?” he asks. His grip is strong without being restraining, but she’s got a hunch it’s the shock of the general contact that’s got her frozen in place.

“It’ll be fine,” she says. “I’ll wash it off when I get back.”

“Should put some antiseptic on it, too,” he says.

“You a doctor now?”

“Working on it.”

His grin is disarming and she realizes why they’re the sort of friends who haven’t been speaking.

“Smart ass,” she says, wrenching her arm free with a huff. She trips sideways over her feet in her haste and he reaches for her again. “I’m fine.”

Her heart’s pounding as she stomps away on jellied legs.

“Will you stop that?”

She doesn’t, though, and behind her she can hear him scrambling after her.

“We’re lost,” she says.

“We’re not lost.”

“We’re lost,” she repeats flatly. “And I never should have agreed to come with you. Why did you even ask me if you didn’t know where the stupid lake was?”

“I know where the fucking thing is!” he snaps.

“‘That way!’” she mocks him, waving her scraped hand behind her, and he chuckles darkly.

“You know,” he starts, “that’s always been your problem.”

“What?” she snaps.

“Can’t wait for anything — no patience at all.”

Just wait. Just a few more years, and then a few more years after that.

“All I ever did was wait!” She spins on the spot. He’s a good few paces behind her and he falters, sneaker catching on a gnarled root. She feels mad in the possessed sense of the word — a spitting, fuming banshee with months of repressed emotion in the name of maturity. “And I refuse to feel bad that I got done waiting!”

The silence rings anew and she deflates, relieved of the pressure that's been filling her like helium — expanding outwardly, infinitely, and ultimately bursting — but incensed by his cool, steely gaze.

She's not a spiteful, vengeful person. Truly, she's not, it isn't in her nature. But looking at him, she wishes the ring of sweat soaking the collar on his t-shirt would tighten like she wishes her hands could. It'd probably hold on tighter and longer than she ever could.

That was always his problem. He never said anything — even when he maybe ought to, even if she needed it, even if maybe it could've changed everything.

"Let's just figure out how to get back," he says.

The lump swelling in her throat lasts the whole walk, trip, and stumble back to the campground, and the sounds of friends and smell of fire tell them they’re back before the break in the trees opens to the campground.

“Hey!” the friend who’d caused all this trouble calls out. “How was the lake?” and he answers before she does.

“Fine.” He’s sporting his best sunny grin, but it’s disingenuous rather than disarming. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

She stares in disbelief as he climbs over a log towards his tent.

“So you’re good?” the same friend asks, a little lower and for your ears only. “Friends still?”

As irritated as she’d been with his answer, she finds her own tongue tying, and she supposes she can’t fault him, because the nodding lie she tells is easier than admitting the truth and swallowing the reality of the last seven months.

They’re not friends — not anymore, not even close.

#spilled ink #creative writing #writers on tumblr #spilled words #writeblr #new writeblr #am writing #am writing romance #prompt answers #friends #mine #original writing

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sunnycityshadypeople · 6 years

Text

Defining Heartbreak: The Friendzone

I felt like writing and I guess could be a place to put it as it’s my only social media account where I have a bit more anonymity. I feel hung over as fuck today, but noticed when I was articulating some deeper thoughts with someone that instantly felt better - so here goes with a story not of woe is me, but of the discovery I made about myself Unrequited love over the years has reared it’s head a couple times. In my early twenties, a guy I met online on Gaydar (is that site still a thing) - became a friend. I was actually his first gay friend and we hung out a lot. We both went ot the same university and had one class that we both had in common - despite studying different degrees. I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between us. He then went overseas to live in France for a year - studying at the same university that the recently departed Kofi Annan. Fast forward a year and over that time of missing him, I realised I had feelings for him and the cliche of distance only making the heart grow fonder certainly rung true. When he finally returned to Australia, I was so happy to see him and a bunch of us hit the town together. A friend brought his rather cute pal along and joined me and my crush on a night out. As it turns out, my friend’s cute pal ended up hooking up with my crush. In a tree. IN A FUCKING TREE.

I was crushed. Like *spoiler alert* Captain America watching his best mate Bucky die or Tony Stark seeing a fading spiderman begging him not to go. Yeah I was in my early 20s but it was defining moment of heartbreak.

I dont remember how long after but I was moping around at my brother’s place and my sister was there. She saw me dejected and withdrawn, asking me ‘what’s wrong?’ - I left out the front door and sat on the balcony and ugly cried. And not the ugly crying I did when KFC stopped selling hot and spicy chicken, this was far far worse. And a defining moment of heartbreak. Sidebar: I’ve always been a bit of a philosphical existentialist - mainly due to the the movie ‘The Matrix’. The nature of reality fascinates me. When I was 18, the philosphical book ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ came into my life... I actually ‘found’ the book on the street (I kid you not!) and it changed my life and the way I think abnd that’s where the true existentialist in me had an awakening. anyways. I’ve always been an introspective soul -- something perhaps most people I know don’t realise. The cyclic nature of life (ok picture me holding my laptop up ala the Lion King pose as we sing the Circle of Life) - means that sometimes it feels like things repeat themselves. I sometimes forget about the lessons that we need to learn and of course it came from another defining moment of heartbreak - this time in my mid 30′s. I’d started chatting to this guy on a dating app mid 2016. I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Feeling a sense of De ja vu? No,it’s not a glitch in the matrix. I tend to have a long lead time before I meet anyone online (I’m sure there’s a basis of fear of rejection in there but really are you that surprise after hearing that fucking sob story before!?) Anyways, we ran into each other at the gym and that was the first time we met. We hung out a few times, and certainly these felt like dates. We had a lot in common (and a lot in difference too), laughed alot and he was probably the first guy in a long time I met whose personality I loved. He was witty at time cutting, his text game was super strong - but I’d usually own him face to face. We’d spend our days jibing at each other trying to insult each other with memes (because Memes are life, right!?). One time I was chatting to him via text - describing a guy I used to like and how this dude and I had a lot common, was super nice... he replied to me ‘Kinda like us really?’ AND WHOA hold up this could be a romantasiced re-telling of my overthinking interpretation of a message - but that was sliding doors moment that would lead me to my next defining heartbreak. I should have taken the bait. But I was scared. My absolute fear of rejection was scared to just tell this dude I like him - even if I was misconstrued in that message. I do prefer voice messages over text because tone is a hard mother fucker to judge - thank god for emojis and ifs but still - just press that record button on whatsapp (He didnt’ like voice messages as he thought they were lazy) whereas I like to really convey my meaning.

Unless that meaning is ‘cue Madonna’ “IM CRAAAAZY FOR YOU TOUCH ME ONCE and you’ll know it’s truuuuue I never wanted anyone like this it’s all brand new... you’ll feel it in my kiss, you’ll feel it in my touch because I’m crazy for you - touch me once and you’ll know its’ true’

Anyways sorry about that Australian Idol gone Karaoke wrong moment. If you’ve fallen asleep reading this, you can thank me for the cure to insomnia later. Ok, cut to the chase Jimbo - fast forward a year and half of being friends with someone you secretly love. I use the term’ secretly’ loosely - because OMG was I just coming across as the love sick despo girl - random presents in his mailbox, being the nicest most supportive, generous friend - because hey, maybe he’ll come around if I kill him with kindness. There’s an excellent article on being in the friendzone you should read by the way - I’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to go into details out of respect for this guy, but I knew inherently and the truth of the matter was no matter what I did or who I was - he was still on his Rupaul ‘can’t love nobody unless you love yourself’ journey. So the harsh reality, and the ‘hes just not that into you’ vibes as espoused by Oprah back in the day meant this defining heartbreak was a bit different to the first. I knew it was too far into the friendzone (never say never, but yeah let’s be real).. if it’s in the friendzone, they have to give you something that’ll finally get you into the endzone. Anyways, I’d do anything for this guy. Despite actually rationally speaking he didn’t tick some major core values for me. It’s funny how attraction works. A close friend who is a counsellor told me about ‘attachment styles’ (look it up, I wont digress more than I already have) - but essentially I was a major victim (of my own doing, because people don’t cause us to feel - we cause us to feel - think about that for a sec).. I was a major victim of treat em mean keep em keen. And I kept coming back for more. I even tried weening myself off him by disengaging and that was great, but then we re-engaged. His was of re-engaging was sending me a message that said ‘Welfare Check’. If it was me, I’d be like ‘Hey dude, I miss you! whats up!?’ The last time we saw each other was almost 2 months ago - nothing dramatic went down, but after not seeing the guy for a few weeks - he could only afford me about 40 minutes of his time. It was a pleasant catch up but neither of us have communicated since. He’s stubborn and I’m stubborn too. But ulimately, it’s not healthy for me to love someone who doesn’t know what to do with my love. And I look back at my own behaviour and do a major eyeroll because I really should save that stuff for someone who likes me back. That article I mentioned above - which I’ll post the link to - had a very simple suggestion and rule to avoid unrequited love and being in the friendzone. Only like somone who likes you back. OH MY FUCKING GOD REGINA YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Anyways, I’ve had some amazing dates and met a couple awesome guys (there’s still a them of them not living in the same city as me but hey I can deal with that for the moment). I have a lot of love in my life and the love I give is welcomed and I’m not feeling like I’m being treated as an afterthought. I emphasis ‘feeling’ because the truth is, I may not be an afterthought to him. But actions do speak louder than words, and his inaction has spoken to me. That’s cool. My love will always be there. But in defining heartbreak, I defined myself and thank you for reading this I’d like to thank the academy and you for being you. You are loved.

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itallcomesdown · 3 years

Text

Cloud 9s

The waves, ever so gently colliding into one another as they collapsed onto the beach, provided the perfect soundtrack to Nicky's breakdown.

Not too loud, not too harsh.

Soft and low like the tears running down her cheeks.

This wasn't Nicky’s first time weeping at the edge of the ocean. In fact, she was well into the double digits at this point and likely to hit triple before she closed out her third decade.

The first time she made the short drive to the shore for the express purpose of crying, she'd felt a little ridiculous. There was nothing wrong with her bedroom but something drew her to the drama of grey skies and sea breezes.

That's one of the perks of living by the water, depressive episodes seem more cinematic.

Today's helping of woe was served up by a call from her mother which, if you read a transcript, should have been totally normal but was, as always, specifically designed to destroy her.

"Darling."

Nicky cringed but replied sweetly. She could only hope to survive by mirroring her mother's tone.

"Darling, I'm so glad to hear from you. Your father and I do worry so much."

The first blow.

What was there to worry about? Her parents had checked in with her twice a week, every week, for years and Nicky had never shared even a passing comment that would indicate she was anything other than perfectly happy.

Now, was she? No, of course not. She was regularly crying by herself at the beach, but her parents didn't know that. Nobody knew that.

Nicky gave the verbal equivalent of a hand wave as a response. Life was all sunshine.

"Are you sure? You don't sound well."

She sounded the same as she had sounded the last time her mother had insisted that she'd sounded unwell. The same as all the times her mother had insisted she’d sounded unwell which was every time they spoke.

Another spoken hand wave. The salty air was in her throat, nothing more.

"I did say when you decided to move up there that the sea air would be bad for your lungs."

Lungs! How had this become about lungs? Last time it was "something something, microscopic sand particles are lacerating your vocal chords".

Nicky couldn't get the image of sliced, white bands out of her dreams for a week.

"You need to see someone or it will get worse. I'll speak to Dr Kline and see if she knows anyone you can go to down there."

Why?! From 16 words spoken over a patchy internet connection, her mother had decided that intervention was necessary.

Nicky’s chest tightened as she made a mental note to avoid clearing her throat for the rest of the call lest it fan the flames in her mother's mind. She kept her voice even in her response but made sure to not attempt firmness as she insisted that she was fine. Resistance only strengthened her mother's resolve.

"Jerry, remind me give Marsha a call tomorrow about Nicky's lungs."

Nicky imagined her father, somewhere off camera, giving a silent thumbs up to his wife.

Marsha Kline was not a doctor of medicine. She was a wonderful woman and a very accomplished professor of art history who had been friends with Nicky’s mother for longer than Nicky had been alive. Dr Kline was also very convinced that western medicine was a death cult and any medication not administered in tea form was bad for you.

"Don't roll your eyes, Nicky. I'm only doing my job as your mother. Someone has to look after you."

Blow 5?

The subtle difference between "out for" and "after" in a sentence like that would go unnoticed by most, but Nicky had been playing this game with her mother for all of time. Her mother used "out for" when referring to all adults except Nicky.

Now, you might think that's totally reasonable. Mother's always look after their children and that doesn't mean the semantic difference is some kind of dig. Except Nicky was the oldest of three children and the only one who her mother felt needed looking after.

"You did roll them, Nicky. I'm not going to argue, but you did. I used to be able to hear it in your voice over the phone but now that we are on Soom I can see it."

Nicky bit her tongue and tried to keep her jaw relaxed.

Where had the call gone wrong this time?

She should have suggested the call to Dr Kline herself. That way her mother wouldn't have been primed to fight about it.

At least this time she let "Soom" slide.

"Anyway, your sister and I had a lovely chat yesterday. The boys are doing great, she and Pat are looking really lean with the marathon coming up. Have you spoken to her?"

Marriage, children, weight. The self-esteem trifecta, all in one beautifully benign sentence. Nicky almost admired the efficiency.

Claire should have been born first. She was third in birth order but seemed to have decided from an early age to reach every available milestone before Nicky could make a meaningful attempt.

"You really should talk to her more. And James. Both of them really worry about you."

At this point, Nicky had accepted that she would be going to the beach as soon as the call was over. Why waste a day or two trying to hold it together when all she would be thinking about is the family meeting she hadn't been invited to where everyone did the sad head tilt as they talked about her.

"James is always saying he's happy to have you if you need somewhere to stay."

Somewhere to stay.

Nicky had a perfectly lovely apartment with her own office, a parking space and a gorgeous view but because she didn't have a mortgage, her family talked about her as if she was homeless.

"It doesn't have to be long term. Just until you're on your feet"

Would this be after her newly signed 2-year lease or would James buy that out for her?

"I'm sure he could afford it."

He probably could.

"You don't have to. I'm just putting it out there so you don't feel stuck and alone."

If Nicky had to pick a title for her autobiography, it would be "Stuck and Alone". Even at work where everyone was different from each other, she felt completely out of place. Like a puzzle piece you jam into the wrong section because it looks like it should work but when you take it in as part of the picture, something's off.

"You said you would think about it last time. I know you, you're stubborn but now is not the time for stubbornness. People are trying to help you."

The hardest part about these calls would always be having to defend her contentment when it seemed like everyone else thought she was drowning. Nicky wasn't sad about the life she had built for herself. She was sad that it seemed too small and pathetic for those she loved.

"Just call your siblings. If you've lost their numbers, I'll send them to you. Jerry, remind me to send Nicky the numbers."

Nicky sometimes distracted herself by imagining her father as a sort of humanoid smart speaker with steely mesh for skin, warm glowing eyes and a permanently erect thumb that shone green when a command had been accepted.

The speaker was called Greymax and it always made Nicky smile.

"What's funny? I know you think I'm a silly old woman so you might as well let your laugh out."

Nicky exaggerated her eye roll and sighed. It broke the tension and they both chuckled a bit but they probably couldn't tell you why. Sadness lingered behind both smiles.

"Anyway, nothing to report on this side since our last chat so I'll let you go. I'm sure you have lots of work to do for your fancy new show."

Nicky performed pleasantries with her cheek between her teeth.

It took her less than twelve minutes to reach her usual spot from the end of the call, a personal best, and less than twenty seconds to achieve full body sobs, another personal best.

The actual crying wasn't particularly intense on this occasion. Hard crying just added physical hurt to the emotional despair.

One time, she had attracted the attention of a couple of youths on what looked like a first date. They were shy and gentle but visibly concerned. Nicky was mortified.

From then on she sat in a partially enclosed opening on the side of a sheer rock face and avoided excessive wailing. Sometimes she'd get a curious bird or a tiny crustacean but, for the most part, human contact had been limited to surprised stares.

The time on her phone told her that she had been out there for twenty minutes. That was more than enough for one day and should tide her over until the following week if everything stayed calm at work.

Nicky imagined herself, in another universe, choosing to jog through her inner anguish. Smartphone strapped to her upper arm, smartwatch keeping track of her movements and bluetooth earphones delivering alternate universe pop into her ears. Was that worth a try?

Imagination Nicky was exactly as good at her job and bad at relationships, she just had a comfortable pair of running shoes. That was totally attainable but Real Nicky had always resisted. Crying sucked but it was cleansing and felt natural. Running felt like someone else's thing that she was putting on to prove a point.

When Nicky got back home, she ordered an inexpensive but well reviewed pair of running shoes. The product description painted a vivid picture of how impossibly soft these shoes were, at a fraction of the price charged by other brands. Confirmed buyers wrote formulaically about never needing another shoe again and buying pairs for friends. Nicky never read any of that though because she chose them exclusively for the price and availability for next day delivery.

The shoes arrived but remained in their box for days. Nicky passed them every time she entered her bedroom, making a mental note to try them on, even if only to check the fit, but quickly forgot.

Her mother's next call came and went without incident. A neighbour had to be hospitalised and their pet's needed a temporary home so the entire call was consumed by intro to the pup and solemn predictions regarding the neighbours fate. The prognosis was pretty good but Nicky's mother was certain big pharma was gunning for him. Dr Kline had been consulted, of course.

Teas had been ordered and special instructions repeated in hushed tones but the call was fine.

Nicky was fine.

Usually, the down time between calls was a safe zone where Nicky could stock up on the mundane joys of life but the shoes had been ordered so the universe needed to make sure they were used.

James sent a picture to the group chat. Two little lines on a white stick. Congratulations all around. Wonderful news!

That evening the phone rang.

"I'm trying to convince your brother to move into a bigger house so there is room for you and the baby but Ryan is acting as if I've gone crazy. Can you believe it?"

Nicky finally got to the beach after an hour and a bit. Turns out the shoes really were baby clouds with laces, but it's hard to run when your chest is heaving.

Next time she would have to drive to the beach, then cry while running.

Fewer witnesses and, again, more cinematic.

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whippedkoalas · 6 years

Note

I totally agree with your analysis in William. You made really good points such as we never saw him properly drunk. Also maybe the role of being a leader of the Penetrators was a shield for William not showing his true self to people. Both him and Noora are afraid to let people close, but when they did, they became different people. William is so soft when he is with Noora, something people who only knew him as school king may have difficulty to believe, this may also apply to their friends. 1/2

2/2 I was so impressed how he handled Noora’s anxiety. Made her feel safe and made sure she knew there was nothing to be shamed about, he just stayed there and kept her close. It was a beautiful scene. I believe they will be fine, they have both changed so much, matured so much and trust on each other and their relationship. I would love to read you analysis on Noora as well. Thank you for the short stories!

Thank you!On William - basically, yes. Look, I have to say this first. A lot of people despise Penetrators’ behaviors/fuckboy tendencies, I personally, don’t. In my opinion, they’re teenagers who have a lot of (consensual) sex. Great for them. Should they be more careful? Yes. (The girls too, might I add). They got hoodies with their names on it. Is it dumb? The dumbest idea ever. Should they make sure the girls know it’s just a one night stand? Maybe but even Vilde tells N she knew what to expect. Should they give those hoodies to the girls they had sex with? I may be alone to think that but why not? Nobody is pressuring girls to wear that hoodie. Sara hooked up with Chris and William at least and we never saw her in the hoodie, same with Eva and Iben. Like, to me, if a girl wants to wear a hoodie where it’s written clearly that she had sex with a boy, I don’t see the problem. If someone at Nissen wanted to get ALL the hoodie and wear a different one each day of the week, I mean, why not? Everyone at school knows what it means - so what? Go, girl. So, I don’t think the Penetrators are the smartest cookies out there and I think they do questionable things but from what we saw about them, I don’t think they’re terrible.The thing is - I’m pretty sure William’s reputation doesn’t come from him but from Niko. He’s treated like he’s just like his older brother. So I think his status in school was earned pretty quickly, he just had to shag a few girls to keep his reputation. (In s1, when Eva tries to talk with the older girls one of them says something about William being the reason there was a chlamydia epidemic in their first year, but their boss says that it wasn’t William. And, like, what does Chris says her sister tells her about Niko in Stockholm? Ding Ding. Whether the story about W is true or not, it shows he’s the center of a lot of rumors and that people expect the two brothers to be alike - which sounds like a nightmare for W, imo. )So, yeah I think being the Penetrators boss is just … easy. It’s exactly what people expect from him. Throwing epic parties, shagging a girl or two, organizing Russ, rinse, repeat. Enters Noora, who doesn’t give a shit if he’s popular or not and calls him out and he falls in love instantly. I would even say that he was waiting for someone to do that. He shows her the real William and this is why she has a bit of trouble at first, too. Penetrator!William is not the William she knows. About Noora’s anxiety, oh man. If only we knew why he knew what to do! Either he’s got anxiety himself, or someone he knows has got anxiety (my bet is that Niko used to scare Amalie and she was subjected to anxiety attacks but.…) or he’s just very good at reading people but… We’ll never know.Yeah, they changed a lot. The “William” clip where it shows how peaceful they are is too cute.

About Noora.

I admit that I don’t understand her sometimes. I think that I see the world more like W does than her. (For example, I agree with violence solving a lot of problems in the world. I won’t do a philosophical essay about that here, but I understand what he meant by that.)

I hate the way she treats Vilde, for example. So I spent a lot of the first two seasons rolling my eyes at her, to be honest. Her whole speech about the hoodie, that leads Vilde to give it back to William? I find it terrible. The idea of those hoodies is bad/dumb whatever. but the way she talks about the girls that are wearing a hoodie etc rubs me the wrong way. So, keep in my mind that I’ve never thought N was the greatest character ever like some people seem to have. So in terms of characters analysis, I think there is a lot to say. Her childhood/early life - She emphasizes to W that she’s unplanned. I mean, this is not really something you say when someone asks you about your family. She seems to want to dissociate herself from her family totally. (She doesn’t hook up regularly for example when she said to Jonas she has seen her parents having sex and says that her parents are like obsessed with each other and their sex life). She tells W that her hometown is shit and that she flew to Madrid at 15. That’s extremely young to flee your country but her parents let her. She didn’t cut them off her life completely because she speaks to them every month. Bare minimum, but still.Her image/character - She says that her parents never loved her, which is extremely harsh in a sense, still, she doesn’t want William to call his mom a cunt, you know? Like, she seems to *always* put the blame on her (my parents never loved ME (when W says that his mom is the problem) - SHE shouldn’t be in love with W - She says “I don’t know” to W when he asked her what happens, like she should know, like not having given clear and expressive consent at all isn’t enough etc) so I would say that the strong independent woman is something she wants to be and not really what she is - it is a goal. We see her kind of this way in s1 because Eva sees her that way. When we’re in her head, though, she struggles a lot and has been for quite some time apparently. She escaped Norway just a few months ago. She was sick - an eating disorder probably. She got back on track, but I don’t think she was ever in the greatest place.She seems (to me, of course) to want to be perfect. We don’t hear her cursing a lot, she’s a feminist (and Vilde should act like one, too. Like I don’t mean it in a bad way, though. Vilde should educate herself more but N is the only one to notice), stands up for herself and the others, do not care about men - she doesn’t need them and Vilde shouldn’t need them - she doesn’t drink. She’s honestly, the perfect girl next door. A bit more badass maybe, but she’s perfect. She tries hard to be, at least. She is a control freak, imo. She has an eating disorder that used to be more important than now, from what we know. Eating disorders are usually about having control on your body. She probably had anorexia or something similar. She’s healthy, now but she still controls what she eats. (She even snaps at Eskild because she can’t have what she wanted). She wants everyone to see the world as she does. She can’t be with W because of the bottle accident, she rolls her eyes at Vilde for things that seem a bit meh to her (like the kiss auction). She doesn’t seem to struggle very hard with her body image but she has a style™ that probably helps her feel “safe”.

3. Sex - We know she has an ex - a boy she lost her virginity to at 13. He acted like a prick and left her soon after they had sex. She was raised by a sexologist and a psychologist, says she has seen her parents in a compromising position, talks about orgasms with Vilde. She doesn’t date and doesn’t hook up, to the point where Vilde think she might not be interested in men. It can also be tight to want control - over her body. When she meets William and accepts that she’s attracted to him, she doesn’t shy from affection. I’ll talk about W later but when she decides to have sex with him, it’s because she let herself go and be more carefree than before.I might add that the way she talks about other people sex lives/being open about having sex has an underlying judging tone that I dislike. Especially with Vilde. I guess it’s showing her discomfort but hmm.. yeah.4. Friends - As I said, Vilde and Noora’s friendship is not my favorite. Vilde acts like a mirror for Noora. The girl who is rejected by her first boy after she lost her virginity? That’s Noora three years ago. Vilde also has an eating problem/disorder, like Noora. I get that she wants to protect Vilde from making the same mistakes she made a few years back but she doesn’t succeed because you can’t shield people from everything. There are a few scenes that are cute, but I’m not a fan on the whole “Listen to Noora” vibe of everything. She also does not realize that Vilde is not her and it leads to awkward situations. It’s Noora’s speech about the hoodies that leads Vilde to confront William. (Unpopular opinion ahead) Vilde could never have won this battle because ultimately, the hoodies are not important to W - or the Penetrators. What N suggests is just to give him back the sweater but Vilde wants to be popular so she takes the chance to try to call him out publicly. William would never allow his reputation to be ruined for a stupid sweater.N stands up for V. She gives a beautiful little speech. Does she talk about W? To W? Honestly I’m not sure, I think she’s talking to the fuckboy she was never able to face in the past. Her speech has little to do with what W tells V. She just went on a rant about the hoodies and do not mention them. She tries to call out William shouting at him every insecurity he could have and is quite spot on. I do not think you defend someone who was insulted by insults, but well. It works.Then she lies to Vilde about the reason why William apologized. William tells her he doesn’t think it was a smart idea - even if he doesn’t care. Then she is caught in a kind of crossroad. She wants to protect Vilde and has to “hate” W, but she is attracted to him. She uses Vilde as an excuse to see William, then as an excuse to keep their relationship a secret because she doesn’t see Vilde as a ‘strong’ woman who can handle her friend having a reciprocal crush on a boy she had a one night stand with.Even early, when Noora decides to go to W party because Vilde is crying, she stays with him and does not try to see if her friend is okay or not. So, even if those two have sweet moments, I’m not a fan of their friendship. With the other girls? she’s an alright friend.

5. William - In season 1, she seems to have little interest in love/sex etc. She opens up a bit in season 2, and we can see how she fights her growing feelings for him. She doesn’t want to cave in, but she loves the attention he gives her and craves it. Then when he is clear with her and tells her that he’s done, she gives up. Noora’s problem with William (I’m only talking about her) is that she doesn’t trust him. She has her guards up because she doesn’t want to get hurt so she never believes him. She doesn’t believe him when they’re on the bench, she believes Vilde and Chris when they talk about his brother even though he told her a different story. She believes his brother almost instantly because what he is telling her “proves” that the preconceived image she has of William is true. She is heartbroken and drinks to forget. Then she realizes (throughout ep. 9) that William was telling her the truth - that there was a reason why he didn’t want to introduce his brother to her. She feels guilty because she trusted and listen to Niko. She wants to tell him everything but he opens up more and then she can’t tell him because… what if he kills Niko? The scene where she’s about to tell him is (imo) the moment Noora knew that she could not live without him. She has strong morals and doesn’t want to tell him and then watch him kill his own brother. So, she trusts their legal system. She doesn’t think that Niko could twist what happened and tell William but he does. She feels guilty of everything so when he confronts her she is lost. She knows that it’s a lost battle. I think, personally, that she understands William’s reaction and that she knows that it’s a tricky situation for both of them because, after that, she asks him to talk. She doesn’t let him the choice, in fact. She goes into Warrior mode like when she defended Vilde. When they’re talking she tries to be sweet and show him she loves him but it doesn’t work so she does the same and calls him out. However, she doesn’t say anything about him being mad at the possible encounter between N and Niko. she says “because your girl lied to you” and I think that it’s Noora acknowledging that William knows and understands that N didn’t consent to anything. She knows that the problem is a matter of trust. He doesn’t handle Noora’s trust issues well. So, I think that Noora getting back together and deciding to take the next step with William in episode 12 is in character. She has to trust him more and tries to show him that she does trust him.Then in s3, she comes back heartbroken but she stood up for herself. She thinks that he will come back for her so it takes time to process that no, maybe he won’t because she taught him that no is no (I guess, that is why Julie wrote it that way). She hides the real reason to everyone and maybe to herself. Then in s4, at first she doesn’t want to admit that there’s no W/N anymore and is crushed to know that W has possibly moved on. (I don’t think he did. If he had a girlfriend like Eva said, he wouldn’t have come back at all, imo)At the end, we see that she is back with him, happy but that she has learned from the past and that they are going slower than before.

Let me know if I forgot to talk about something. Sorry for the delay!

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reject-princess97 · 7 years

Text

Criminal Minds Spencer Reid Part 3

(A/N-Recently watched the Episode where Emily "Dies" And I cried so god damn much at Reid Crying in JJ's arms.)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

*One Year Later*

I sat there in the waiting room, tears running down my face and my legs bouncing up and down in anticipation. 'She'll be OK auntie Em get through this, she strong she'll make it out alive.' I repeated to myself in my head

It have been four hours since SSA Derek Morgan found Emily in the warehouse. Four hours since she was rushed into surgery. The team asked me every so often how I was feeling but I couldn't answer because I knew if I opened my mouth to say anything, I would break and I couldn't do that, I had to stay strong knowing that's what Emily needed.

I heard footsteps steps and I brought my head up to see JJ stood in the door way. I rushed to my feet hoping for good news but in her eyes was a sadness that told me with out her saying anything that Em didn't make it.

"No!" I whispered. Tears spilling from my eyes. "Please god no." I cried as my feet fell from under me and my knees hit the floor as I hung on to the chair for support.

"She didn't make it off the table." JJ informed us quietly. I cried, silently tears fell from my eyes, I sniffled and I felt sick. I felt someone wrap an arm around my shoulder but I shrugged it off and I stood up.

"No, she wouldn't leave me." I screamed as I ran out into the hall and out of the hospital in desperate need for air.

I sat on the step, crying feeling as if my world was about to end.

"Is everything OK?" I heard an womans voice from behind me. A thick Scottish accent.

"No, not really." I answered with out looking up. "My Aunt passed away. She was the only family I had." I cried.

"I'm so sorry for you loss." She whispered. "But try remember those good times you had and youll get through it." I looked up but there was no one there. I looked around and sighed hoping it was just in my head when I heard the doors of the hospital open and out walked Spencer.

"Hey." He said sadly, I could see the tears in his eyes but he held them back.

"I didn't get to say goodbye Spence. Non of us did. Why couldn't I say good bye?" I cried as he sat by me.

"I don't know Y/N. I wish I could have said good bye too but I guess it's just the way things are." He sniffed. I turned and hugged him. "I'm so sorry Y/N. I know what Emily mentioned to you and I know that she wouldn't have wanted to leave you alone." He spoke sadly after a few moments of silence.

"I'm not alone Spence. I have the team, I have JJ and Will but mostly I have you." I smiled up at him sadly. "And I'm sorry too, I know she was you friend and she ment alot to you."

"Come on, let's go back to the team, I'm sure they are worried about you." He sighed and stood up. I nodded and stood, following him inside, wiping the tears from my face.

We walked into the room where we had been waiting and I took a deep breath as I looked up at all the sad faces and I nearly broke again.

"Hey kid." Morgan mumbled as he pulled me into a tight hug. "How you feeling?"

"About as you'd expect. I mean, I know she's gone but I don't think it's hit home properly yet. I'm sad and confused but..."

"I understand kid, I'm sorry it happened and I know it will take a while for you to come to terms with it but when you do just know, we are all here for you. Know matter what." Rossi spoke up.

"Thank you." I mumbled as I hugged him too.

"I'm so sorry for you loss Y/N. If you need anything just let me know Ok." Garcia smiled.

"Yeah I'm sorry." Hotch and JJ said together.

I nodded but I felt angry for some reason. "Why are you all apologising to me. You lost somebody too. Don't take pitty on me. She was your friend, your team member. She is your family too so don't act all apologetic to me as if I was the only one who loved her. You need to stop." I shouted getting angrier by the second. "I know that for a while I'm gonna be getting sympathy and 'I'm sorry for you loss' and i will smile sadly and thank them but you all need to stop with the sympathetic looks and stop feeling sorry for me. I just lost her and I I..." I stuttered as I broke down crying again.

Spencer pulled me into his arms again and he let me cry. "I'm sorry I..I..I didn't mean to shout at you all." I told them is I looked up at them and saw six tear stained faces looking at me.

"Know you right. We all lost someone we love and has had a great impact on our lives. You don't need our sympathy, you need to know you're not going through this loss alone." Hotch agreed. "Emily Prentiss was and always will be a big part of this team because we are a family and we all have lost a family member today." He continued standing up. " Y/N we will all get though this together as long as we all help each other and we..."

"Be there when we need it." I finished.

"Exactly, so if there is anything gets you need please let me know. But for now I think we should all get home and rest." He offered and as he finished an idea popped into my head.

"Actually there is something you can do for me." I stated as they all stood up and grabbed there coats.

"Sure, what can we do?" He asked as the rest nodded along.

"Well some of you may know this but my family are big of there faith in God and the religious beliefs. I never was one for believing in God but I guess I would find some comfort in having a little faith there is somewhere the souls of the dead go and I know some of you are..."

"Y/N baby you rambling." Spencer laughed a little.

"Oh, right sorry." I laughed as little and smiled at everyone. "I was hopping you would come do with me to a church near to my home and light a candle and my be pray a little?" I asked the team all smiled and nodded.

"Of course, how about we go home and change first. I don't think the church would be to happy if we went in covered in blood." Rossi offered. I nodded and we all headed out of the hospital and back to the jet to take us back home.

The ride home was quiet and I was happy for it. I couldn't sleep, nobody could but I felt comfortable in the quiet knowing it would feel like this for a while.

Once we landed we headed home where I quietly sat on the bed stairing at the floor, not knowing what to do.

"Hey." Spence said quietly as he came and sat by me.

"I didn't get to tell her." I stuttered looking up at him.

"Tell her what?" He asked.

"About you and I living together. With all that happened with Ian Doyle and Em taking of I..I didn't tell her. It slipped my mind." I sighed. I picked up a little black box that Spencer had given me and opened it to find a silver Key. One to a house Spencer had bought for us.

"She would have been so excited for us. She would have made a few jokes but she would have been happy." Reid told me wrapping his arms around me and placing a kiss in my head.

"I know I just wish this was different. You know she was more than just my aunt. She was my mother. She lived me like I was her own kid and she treat me like it to. Always so worried and so protective." I laughed sadly as tears filled my eyes again.

"Do you want me to tell the team to leave the church tonight? Go tomorrow night instead?" Spence offered holding me tighter.

"No I want to do this tonight. I want to say goodbye." I sniffed as I stood up.

I changed and grabbed a silver cross necklace Em had given me when I was younger that I hadn't worn is so long.

"I'm ready." I announced as I entered the living room and saw Spencer waiting for me by the door.

"OK let's go."

We walked to the church and I smiled when I saw the team, JJ Will and Kevin stood by the Church door, as well as cheif Strouss.

"Dr Prentiss, I'm sorry for you loss, Agent Prentiss was a great person and a great..." Cheif Strouss began but I cut her off.

"Emily."

"I'm sorry?" She asked a little taken aback.

"Here name is Emily. I understand you were her boss ma'am but if you don't mind I would really like it if you used her name." I explaind.

"Yes, of course I'm sorry." She nodded. I smiled and thanked her before I turned to the rest of the team.

"Are you guys ready to say good bye?" I asked.

"Let's do this" Garcia smiled as she grabbed Kevin's hand and allowed me to lead the way.

*two weeks later.*

I stood there, in my black dress and coat. Holding a single rose in my gloved hand, my other gripping on to Reid's hand tightly as though he to would leave me at any minute, with out a warning.

I watched as the priest said his prayers and waited for him to tell me I had to speak.

"I would like to invite DR Prentiss up here now to say a few words of farewell." He chimed and nodded as I made my way to the front of the steps. I took a deep breath and looked around at all the grieving faces of my friends and family who had come to say there last good byes. My eyes fell on Spencer who's eyes locked on me and he nodded telling me to start.

"Emily... Emily Prentiss was a kind and...and.." I began but I couldn't do it. I felt a tear roll down my face and I looked at Spencer and shook my head.

"Hey, hey, hey...shhhh. Y/N don't worry you don't have to read that Ok." Spencer whispered as he ran to my side. "You don't have to say anything Ok."

I smiled and shook my head. " No I want to."

"OK. Then just say something good from the heart. I'll be right down there Ok. " He offered as he pulled away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Can you stay?"

"Sure." He nodded he grabbed my hand and I looked back at the paper I had written my eulogy on.

"Emily Prentiss was somebody who can't be written down on a piece of paper." I began holding up the words I had written down.

"Nothing I say today or even in my whole life time can do justice to the person my Aunt was. She was smart, brave, loving and so unbelievably strong. She was a force to be reckoned with when she set her mind to something. She fought for what she believed in and she believed in what fought for." I spoke, the words just forming as I thought about what she would want me to say.

"I loved my aunt dearly. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother but when I moved here, to be with Em I connected with her in a way I never did with my mum. My Aunt became my mother figure and she let me live my life how I wanted to. I owe Em so much. Because of her a have a job working at the BAU with the FBI with the most amazing team the must amazing boss and the most amazing Boyfriend who are my family, who are her family." I smiled down at my team and continued.

"From a young age I was told I was so much like my auntie. I was strong willed, smart and I never let my fears get the best of me. She thought me who I was and who I wanted to be and I will forever be thankful for her. And couldn't have asked for a better role model if I tried and I could be prouder of who she was as a person, as an Aunt and as a friend." I let a tear role down my face and I felt Spencer give my hand a slight squeeze in support.

"For those of you who know my relationship with Emily, you'll know we have an inside joke revolving around The Wizard Of OZ. She was my Auntie Em who protected me, supported me and loved me unconditionally and I was her wide eyed dreamer niece, who was troublesome, adventurous and always knew home was by her Aunts side. She called me Dorothy and I always loved it because it was something I shared with her that nobody really understood.

I think I speak for everyone who knew Em when I say that we love her, we will miss her and there will not be a day that goes by when I won't think about her. She was loved by so many people and she's has left us all with a hole in our hearts.

I don't know what's gonna happen for us In the future but I can promise you this Emily Prentiss. I will live each day to the fullest because I know no matter what I do you will always be proud of me and when I'm old and grey, and on my death bed I know I'll find you somewhere over that rainbow waiting to welcome me with open arms." I finished letting the tears fall. Spencer lead me back to my seat but as I passed the coffin I lost control of my emotions and I burst our crying, my knees going weak almost falling over.

Spence grabbed me before I hit the floor and held me up as 'Somewhere over the rainbow' sang by Eva Cassidy began to play and Spencer handed me over to JJ as he walked over with the rest of the men in the team and lifted the coffin to take to cemetery.

At the cemetery the priest said his final prayer and I walked over and placed the rose on the coffin. I brought my fingers to my lips and pressed them to the coffin and I cried once more.

Spence came and stood by me letting me have a moment before he lead me away. I stood there in his arms as I watched the coffin get lowered into the ground.

After the funeral was over stood alone letting my tears fall. Spencer had wanted to stay with me but I told him to wait in the car. I just wanted a couple of minutes alone which he agreed to and when I lifted my head i could still see him watching, stood by the car.

"You gave a wonderful speach." I heard someone speak from behind me making me jump.

I turned around and stood there shocked as I looked into the eyes of my mother.

"Mum?" I asked in shock. I looked over a Spencer who had noticed the suprice guest and was making his way over.

"What you didn't think I would miss my sisters funeral did you?" She sighed. I shook my head and sighed too.

"I knew you would come, I guess I just didn't expect to see you." I explained. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't. Don't worry. I wasn't expecting to see you either. I had every intention of leaving before you saw me but then I saw you up there with that bay and I realized I have missed so much these past few years." She laughed sadly. I felt Spencer's arms wrap around my waist as I stared at my mother in shock.

"I know this is a day of morning our loss but I just wanted to apologies for the way I treated you. I was a horrible person and and even worse mother. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, if not today but in the future. You don't have to see me again if you don't want to. I just want to know that we ended on better terms this time."

"What brought this on?" I asked my mind still trying to process what she was saying.

"The last things my sister said to me was that I didn't deserve you as a daughter and she wanted me to stop calling her. So I told her I didn't want or need her opinion and I hung up." My mum then burst out crying. "And of course she was right. I don't deserve you and you didn't and still don't deserve a mother like me. I was....a failure." She sighed.

"No you weren't you just wanted what's best for me an I mean shout you could have gone about it a different way but everything I did was for you. Ok so everything I've done was it make you angry and passed off but it was still because you pushed me to persue what I love." I told her trying to calm her crying a little.

"I got into town just two days after I got the news and I met up with Erin Strouss, a friend of my mums and she told me about you, Em and the team and all the things you had done. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me but I am so proud of you Y/N. You have achieved so much since you got here. Another doctorate, an amazing job doing what you love. Friends who literally put their lives in your hands and take your life in theirs and by the looks of things a boyfriend who loves you and supports you through hard times." She continued pointing at Spencer.

"I am so proud of you and I hope one day you forgive me for everything I've done." She smiled sadly as she turned to walk away.

"Spencer...h..his name is Spencer. Dr Spencer Reid." I told her. She turned and smiled.

"It's nice to meet you Dr Spencer Reid." She waved. Turning away again.

"Mum!" I called taking a step forward.

"Yeah?" She asked turning back once again.

"All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. Not go bragging to your friends proud but real proud. It's all I ever wanted." I told her talking another step towards her. She smiled and shook her head.

"I was always proud of you honey. Nothing made me prouder than seeing you today though. Standing up there being so strong I felt so proud that you could do that and I know Em would be proud of you too." She smiled as she reached out and place a hand softly against my cheek.

"I forgive you!" I blurted quickly before she could pull away. "I'm not saying I'm going to let you back in my life with open arms but... to start building our mother daughter relationship gow about we go out for coffee tomorrow?" I asked.

"I'd love to. You can start catching me up on all the things I've missed in your life." She smiled.

"You can count on it." I laughed as I pulled her into a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Text me a time and place and I'll be there." She laughed. "Now not to sound like a nagging mother but you should go home and sleep. Today has been a rough day one everyone and you look like you have slept in a week." She smiled sadly. I nodded and we said our goodbyes before Spencer walked me back to the car.

"So, home?" He asked climbing into the drivers side of the car.

"Yeah, let's go home. I'm sure people will understand if I don't show up at the Wake." I spoke letting out a breath.

"Well how about we drop by for five minutes. Say goodbye to the team and families?" He offered glancing at me. I thought or a second before I nodded.

"Yeah sounds like the polite thing to do." I chuckled.

We stopped by the wake for about half an hour. We said our goodbyes and I thanked everyone for coming before Spencer took me home where I took a much need bath while Spencer cooked some dinner and set up a movie.

I climbed out of the bath. Put on a pair of PJ's and walked into the living room to find Reid dishing up a plate of Spaghetti and meatballs.

"Ah good you're out. Here." He smiled placing a plate on the table where I usually sit. I sat down and watched as he set his plate by his seat and wondered off back into the kitchen and brought out two glasses and a bottle of wine.

"I thought you might want something stronger that Soda and Rossi always says "Spaghetti is best served with a glass of red wine"" He recited in his best Rossi voice making me laugh.

"You had some in the cupboard from when Rossi came over after you joined the team." He told me placing the glass infront of me and poured the wine before setting it on the table.

"And then, as today is a day of remembering Emily, I have The Wizard Of OZ set up in the DVD player." He smiled taking a seat opposite me.

I smiled, a real genuine smile for the first time since we lost Emily, over at my boyfriend and reached for his hand.

"Thank you Spencer." I smiled.

"I'm just trying to make my girl feel better." He shrugged grinning over at me.

"No I'm mean thank you for everything. These past two week and the next god knows how long would be hell if you weren't here with me." I smiled softly at him. "You've been so focused on making me feel better you hard greave on you own." I sighed sadly at him.

"I know about your visits to JJ'S house." I admitted.

"I'm sorry I just I felt if I was to cry infront of you you would get worse and.." He tried to explain but I just shook my head.

"Spence it's OK I know you have your own way of dealing with things and JJ told me. I woke up and you were gone and weren't answering you phone. I panicked and called JJ and Will answered telling me you were there." I explaind. "I know JJ is helping you through it but I want you to know you don't need to be strong for me all the time. Sometimes I would feel better having a good cry with my boyfriend." I laughed as I started eating.

"OK I'll be sure to have an emotional with you too, so we can cry together." He laughed.

"Thank you Spencer. For everything you have done for me, and for Em. I love you so much."

"I would do anything for you Dr Prentiss because I love you too." He smiled as we continued eating the first proper meal I had eaten in two weeks.

After dinner we snuggled up on the couch and watch the Wizard Of OZ crying a little at the happy memories of my very own Auntie Em and singing along softly to Somewhere over the rainbow.

'I miss you so much Auntie Em.' I thought to myself as I slowly drifted off to sleep on my boyfriends chest.

*3rd Person*

**Somewhere in Paris, France**

Emily sat in her new Paris home watching the lights of Paris glittler in the distance. She was sad that she had to leave her team an her family behind but she knew it was what had to be done until Doyle had been found.

She hated leaving Y/N on her own and the day she 'died' Emily had covered her face and voice as she had seen Y/N sat there crying on the steps of the hospital. She could leave so she had used her best Scottish accent to asked her if she was OK and told her she would get through it before she left.

Emily was pulled out for her thoughts by her computer making a sound. She walked over to see she had an email from JJ.

This will be the last email from me. I want to wish you luck and I thought you would want to see this. Below was a video attachment. Emily clicked on the link and Y/N's face popped up on the screen.

The words she spoke brought tears to her eyes as she knew that this was her eulogy. Seeing Y/N break down made Emily guilty for not telling but she felt better when she saw Spencer Reid walk over to her Niece and hold her, he whispered something and Y/N claimed down and began to speak.

Once Y/N had finished Emily closed the Laptop and for the first time since leaving Emily cried. She cried for the loss of her life, she cried for the loss of her friends but mostly she cried for the loss of her niece. Y/N had ment the world to Emily and seeing Y/N hurt because of her made her feel lost and broken. All she wanted to do was go home and hold her niece tight.

"Everything will be OK Dorothy, I promise." She whispered to herself as she opened the laptop up again and began typing.

"Thank you JJ. Please next time you see her give her a hug from me and tell not to worry and live her life. Please keep me updated with how she's doing while I'm gone, keep in touch on the sites we discussed. All the best for you and my team. I miss you all." She typed and sent the document and deactivated the email as was discussed after she went into hiding.

Emily knew things would be difficult when she left and he told herself she would find Doyle and soon be reunited with her family at the BAU but until then she would have to keep track with the news papers and the updates from JJ via encrypted emails and chatroom.

She put her laptop way and walked back to her window and looked out over the city.

With a sigh she closed her eyes and let a single tear roll down her cheek. "I miss you so much Dorothy. " She whispered to herself before wiping the tears away and closing the curtains before exiting the room and heading out into the city where her new life is starting.

Masterlist

#Spencer Reid #Criminal Minds #Prentiss #Rossi #Hotch #Morgan #Imagines

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