#rendezvousrenjun
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my heart | n. jaemin
⚔︎ pairing: prince jaemin x knight reader (+ other nct members)
↳ genre: royalty!au, fluff, smut, angst
↳ word count: 25.6k
↳ warnings: suggestive/adult themes, graphic violence, lots of cussing, mentions of character death
synopsis: whether or not memories will fade and you forget the way he smiled at you, or how he smelled of fresh linen and peaches, or the way his skin felt against yours, you’ll always remember you loved jaemin.
Attendees always flood in by handfuls. In their sumptuous fabrics layered over one another, varying in color like the garden of fresh flowers planted out the front just before the event. The people who come to ballroom parties always fall into one of three categories, as described by your commander: elites, mandatory, and extras.
Bubbly conversations about trades and new imports, business deals, declarations in the making and which shiny gold ring trended around these days was the best you could identify the elites by. People who others wanted to see, the top of the triangle, the glamorous and could do no wrong.
Others being extras, add-ons to the grand scheme of it all, making up most of the population. No, they did not need to be there but it didn’t mean their presence wasn’t welcome. In fact, the more exclusive the dance was the more people longed to be part of it. And to be part of it and view the elites in the flesh only emphasized how important the elites were. It was a never ending social hierarchy.
You knew where your place was, and where it will always be: mandatory. You work for the elites. It is your duty to place them before your own life, to have them act as your blood and flesh, as if their body was your own. As messed up as it was, at least you had a purpose. A shared purpose.
“Spssst”
You don’t even need to look over to the source of the sound to know it was Jeno calling you over to his post. Your helmet hides the smile on your face as you hear the clanking side-step shuffle Jeno was making as he emerges from behind the pillar, leaving his post to come towards yours.
In your opinion, it was always irresponsible for him to do this every single party. It’s become a habit ever since the two of you were training to become soldiers, before the shiny armor and the obnoxiously heavy helmet that rested on your heads. As long as you were alive, there was always a Jeno. Coming to the palace gates the same exact way you had; an abandoned basket left on the steps carrying a baby the size of a plump watermelon. The commander at the time, someone you’ll always be grateful for despite vaguely remembering them after their early death, took both of you in as his own, the queen not having the heart to throw you two into the river.
“Guppie” he kicks your shin with his pointed boot, causing you to snap at him. You weren’t sure when you two started to call each other ‘guppie’, perhaps it was a reference to almost being thrown into a river.
“Stay alert, your majesty will be facing the people soon.”
As if on cue, you see the King rise, followed by his two sons and the queen from their balcony above the ballroom floor. As a child, seeing the King rise was like watching a magic show. He was a magician who caused the room to turn over. The candles laced around in golden cups perched on the wall are overtaken by a sleepy spell, dimming so that only the chandelier beamed directly from the center. The angelic paintings on the ceiling are brought into light, your mind can’t help but wonder how the artist’s neck was after painting in that angle for so long. It placed a halo over the room, the drapes pushed to the side to reveal the clarity of the night. The vague sparkle of the dance floor looks as if someone halfheartedly grabbed a star and decided to grind it up and sprinkle it below the final gloss over.
Every single time the effect still entrances you. The pretty rosé and other wine bottles at different tables are being set up discreetly as everyone else bows in respect to the large balcony.
The King looks to his two sons to pour them a glass of wine. Your eyes follow. He pours the first cup to his eldest, Prince Jungwoo. Jungwoo is trying not to smile, you could see it in the way his cheeks twitch upwards. He then turns to his youngest, Prince Jaemin. Both of his hands are carrying the cup, looking into it to view his reflection in the dark liquid. Finally the King raises his glass to his people before chugging it down. The string instruments begin to stream in, the dance being set into motion.
Once conversation erupts you feel like you could breathe again. Jeno places his hand on your shoulder, sensing you tense up. Now it was time to practice patience.
“If I’m starting to doze off don’t hesitate to nudge me.” Jeno says standing against the wall nearest to you.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You say, yawning yourself. Observing people for hours at a time does wonders for your posture. The feet kicking and swaying act almost as a hypnotic watch, causing you to get drowsy.
Oh what’s this?
Something catches your eye. From behind the balcony a large window big enough to capture the entire night sky seems to be covered by a drape. You turn your head to look at all the other windows which seem to be open. Were you overthinking? Maybe the royal family didn’t like the moonlight from behind them? But you could’ve sworn it wasn’t covered a couple hours ago. Your head looks over the guests again. Near another window you see someone dancing by themselves. Odd. Were they drunk? It struck you the wrong way.
“Jeno” you nudge him with the butt of your sword, motioning with your hand below your waist to direct his attention to the lonesome dancer, “do you think something about that person is suspicious?”
They look over to you two, suddenly moving towards the crowd again. In the process of doing so, the drape where they were standing is released.
“Oh hell no, do you think they’re trying to close in the room?” You turn to Jeno, he places a hand over your shoulder again.
“Eight o’clock y/n, another lonesome dancer under the window. This is too coincidental. Prepare for an invasion. Get closer to the balcony. I'm going to go get the commander.”
You hear Jeno mutter, “shit”, under his breath before stealthily getting lost towards the back of the crowd. Your heart rate has escalated at least 20 beats in the past minute, waking you up fully. You’ve been called up during an ambush before but have never been the one to notice the initial signs. The leather harness under your suit causes you to sweat with every step.
Stay calm stay calm stay calm
You’re practically yelling at yourself internally, trying not to seem too wary under the eyes of the public. You clamber up the stairs near the balcony, lowering your head, trying to seem composed. Sergeant Lucas notices you by the stairs, patting your back and lowering his head with you. His body is close to yours, his regularly loud voice suddenly hushed.
“Chevalier y/n what brings you here? Is something the matter?”
“Ambush,” you cough out, no one besides him hearing you, “potential, stay close” he senses the panic in between your coughed up words, alarm hitting now. He walks up the stairs with you, the air above less hot. He’s more experienced than you, his words come out calm.
You seem to get tunnel vision, eyes trained only on Lucas reaching over to alert the King whose eyes enlarge immediately.
Then, everything happens fast. If the King placed the spell over the dance, the crash of the window behind the balcony put it in reverse. Drapes are unraveled, revealing the satin embroidery one by one, darkening the scene. You blink and the chandelier has already hit the floor and started to catch on fire. Screaming. The delicate violin is replaced with screaming. It makes your heart ache. Your head aches. Darkness. Running. Fire. Swords. The clock strikes twelve. But there’s no time. No time to dwell. Your mind doesn’t work in the moment. There is only your body carrying all your actions, pulling Jungwoo up, running with the family towards an exit, the emergency bunker. Your feet don’t feel the floor, all exhaustion has left. There is only movement.
The Queen grabs your wrist with her clammy hand, pulling you close to her, the gears in your mind no longer slow. She’s screaming at you, “Jaemin! Jaemin! Please get him! He’s not here! He’s somewhere- I, my baby, he’s there,” her nails dig into your exposed skin, her expression is deranged to the point you’re afraid. You’ve never seen her face before, now her distraught is imprinted in your mind.
Jungwoo grabs his mother’s hand, yelling “Go!”, at you before running with Lucas and his father. You stammer towards the center of the action, your mind trying to remember Jaemin. What he looked like. Where he would go. What he would do. If he died by now.
“Hey!” your colleague screams from your right, you see an invader running towards you. Your arms form an X quickly shielding you from their knife, your leg extends to trip them over the body laying underneath you, grabbing your sword to penetrate through their chest, feet staggering back to pull it out, the blood creating a pool that splashes you.
Run. Search. Run. Search. Run. Search.
“Where the fuck is Jaemin?” You’re crying out in frustration. You’re scared of finding him dead. You’re afraid of forgetting what he even looked like.
You go over to the buffet tables where Jeno was previously posted. The corpses dandling on the luxurious cloth makes your stomach churn in disgust, you look over them closely, in the darkness, hoping nobody sneaks around you. You inspect their faces with no avail. Or rather, yes avail to not find him spread out like a roasted pig.
Something grabs your foot. You move fast stooping down, lifting the fabric and the bleeding hand atop it. Sword in hand, your grip above your head tight.
The pace suddenly slows to a halt. The flames of the broken light fixture lick the features of his face and his white suit. Despite being blocked from your visor, the fear in his eyes plead at you, hair stuck to his face with his sweat. He has a broken glass shard from a wine bottle in his hand poking outwards at you, lips stained red from drinking its contents. He’s gorgeous. This is the first time you have ever been face to face with the prince.
Regardless, you push him back, letting the corpse and tablecloth fall behind you as you crawl beside him quickly. He cowers, grabbing his knees watching you remove your helmet by its gorget. Your hair is plastered down to the sides of your face, you don’t make any loud sounds, silently praying that no one has detected you two under the table yet. Yet.
You make the gesture of taking off a jacket with both your hands, Jaemin understanding and undoing his buttons so that only his black dress shirt was on. It was too flashy for him to go out in a suit. Now what could be done with the pants-- you bend down to peak out underneath the cloth to see if anyone was near these tables.
Think. Think. Think.
The coast wasn’t clear but you would rather not risk Jaemin’s bright pants being seen. You pull the corpse that dropped with all your might, followed by yanking their trousers off in front of the prince. It was a shameless move but you don’t care. You pass the trousers to him, he takes it reluctantly, a bit embarrassed to undress himself in front of a stranger. You look away, instead focusing on your helmet. When he finishes you inch closer to him. His eyes meet yours and you feel bashful from the way he stares at you while you place it over his head. He’s disguised and you’re relieved. Well, as relieved as you could be. You go out first, him right behind you.
It was too obvious, the coast has been clear for too long.
They come towards you like a wave, by then you accept your downfall. The only thing concerning you is getting Jaemin to safety. With whatever is left in your power you push him to the floor and encompass his body with all of yours. A human shield. You could feel his arms wriggling up to hold your head, which to your surprise hasn’t been slaughtered off yet. The sound of your armor being banged against by heavy objects make your ears ring.
“Get up!” one of the many colleagues realizes that the prince is under you and begins to prioritize fighting off the enemies nearest him. You don’t know who it is who yanks you off the floor, but you run. You run holding his hand, never looking back.
By the time you’re in the wine cellar underneath the castle, closer to the bunker, you jog down the steps. You let go of your majesty’s hand to remove the helmet gently. He pauses so no metal harms his face. Instead of wearing it, you make him hold it by placing it in his hand just in case of the potential attack.
Back to jogging at a steady pace you notice that he has frozen in his tracks, motionless and pale holding the garment.
“Are you alright your majest-”
He drops the helmet with a clank down by his feet, hugging you for dear life. He sobs into your shoulder, “I was so scared…” Your mind is empty, taken aback. You instinctively wrap your arms around his heaving form to comfort him while his hand reaches over to hold his other elbow so your body is snug in his clutch. You’ve never seen someone so vulnerable.
Pulling apart, he’s embarrassed to face you. So are you. But you keep walking down to the bunker, no other words uttered.
The cellar is opened and Jungwoo grabs Jaemin, his mother exasperated and hit with a sense of relief, her legs hitting the ground. You’re about to go outside to face danger for another round when Jaemin takes a hold of your wrist, firmly sliding his hand down to yours. This causes the blood that had splattered on you to rub off against his skin.
“I apologize for smearing the blood on your hand your majesty.” Your gaze looks from where the two of you are interlocked to the concerned look in his eyes. Your fingers try to wriggle themselves out, and they escape for a moment before he attaches his hand again, smearing even more blood on himself. Surprised, you look at him once again.
“What’s your name?”
You had a feeling he would never let you go unless you answered.
“y/n.”
With that, your hand is released from his grasp.
“Try again.”
Jeno’s skin glowed with a layer of sweat as it gathered above his lip and behind his ears. Grass tips burned under the sunlight spread among the vast ochre field. The heat generated from both of your bodies combat training makes Jeno peel off his dampened shirt as you chug from a bucket of water you had brought up the hill. His hand snatches the bucket mid-gulp, leaving you panting, splashing the remainder on himself.
After shaking his head like a dog drying off, he motions for you to attack, “Again guppie. Try again.”
You fix your footing and run over to hit his chest from the side of your knuckles, but he jerks your fists inwards, pulling you in a choke-hold. His bicep is pressed against your throat, your hand finding its way to tap on it vigorously once you begin to cough. He releases you and you place a palm on your chest as the air passes, exaggerating the effect of his grip.
“Oh wait y/n are you okay??” He turns you to look at you directly. You stop exaggerating to elbow strike him in the shoulder. “Are you fucking serious?” Jeno rubs his shoulder in pain.
“Your skin is so sticky Jeno, gross.”
“You’re no better, you smell like burnt bread!”
“But you gotta admit I fooled you pretty good right?” You poke his belly button, earning a playfully annoyed look back. He sits down and pats the grass for you to accompany him.
“Yea you fooled me alright, but after you told me that Prince Jaemin asked for your name I’ll never fully believe you again.”
You sit down beside him, your eyes rolled back a bit to express your irritation. He smiles to himself, already knowing that you’re pissed with him.
“What, did I lie? If he really asked why hasn’t he come to see you by now?” Jeno sticks out his tongue at you.
“He did ask for my name! He even held my hand and I smeared blood on it! I don’t have any proof… but I wouldn’t make something like this up and you know it.” Your legs and arms find themselves spreading against the grass, tickling the exposed skin as your stomach points towards the sky. Jeno pokes your belly button.
“I wouldn’t know what to do with that information if I was him. Like so what he knows your name? What’s he going to do? Ask you to marry him or something?” He laughs at his own joke.
“I don’t expect anything but we did have a spark though.” Your eyelids close to enjoy the breeze passing by.
Jeno bursts out laughing, “a spark?”
“A spark. I felt it when I met his eyes. He was so pretty it was crazy-- even if I never see him again I’ll always remember him.”
“You’re being so gross right now guppie keep your cooties to yourself please.”
A couple seconds pass in silence, Jeno plucking random pieces in the grass to sprinkle them in your hair. He taps you quickly afterwards. From the bottom of the hill he makes out a figure running in your direction.
“It’s chief,” squinting into the distance you rise to meet him in the middle, “why are you running sir?”
“Clean up! Clean up both of you! Jeno get your ass here now!”
Jeno scrambles back to the chief, “why, is there news on the invaders what’s wrong?”
Your eyebrows rise in anticipation to hear more from the chief but the attention of all three of you drift to the next emerging figures climbing upwards. Rubbing your eyes again and again to make sure you weren’t day dreaming, you’re in complete disbelief with the scene that plays before you.
Colleagues, about ten or so, are marching to you. In front of the small crowd is Prince Jaemin himself. He carries a large basket in his right hand and what you presume is-- is that your broken helmet?-- in his left hand. The land is barren yet he walks as if it's a flower path. His crisp white suit glistens, almost blinding you. Jeno claps his hands against his pectorals with a loud sound, suddenly self conscious of your majesty’s presence. You’re still spaced out, head tilted a bit, mouth able to catch any fly who wanted to pay a visit. The prince gets close enough to see you in full view, smiling as bright as the whole damn sun. He was smiling at you. His soft gaze was directed to you.
Officer Donghyuck points to Jaemin then to you from behind him so that the prince couldn’t see. His expression is as confused as everyone else is. You shrug, forgetting the prince can see you, as he was, indeed right in front of you.
“Found you.”
You blink at him, speechless. He quirks an eyebrow at you, pouting at your reaction. He drops the helmet down near his feet and with his free hand he waves at you.
“Have you forgotten who I am? Because I can never forget you, y/n.”
The guards behind him start to murmur amongst themselves, little “he just said her name”, “wow”, and “no way”s being thrown around. Even Jeno seems to have gasped at hearing your name coming out of Your Majesty’s mouth.
“Your Majesty!” you come back to your senses, bowing down at an exaggerated 120 degree angle. When you look up, you’re greeted with a fond smile. You straighten up again, “what brings you out in this hot weather your majesty?”
Everyone peers at Jaemin in curiosity, never have they seen a scene like this unravel. They await his answer, as he takes a few seconds to come up with a response.
“It’s a good day to sit and chat don’t you think?”
You don’t know why his simple response made you ease up the way it did, but before you know it, you turn your head upwards to find his eyes and a tender smile grows on your face.
“It would be a nice day to sit and chat,” your tone is more casual, “your majesty.”
Jaemin looks towards your idle chief, taking out his handkerchief from his suit pocket and patting it on a bead of sweat that had formed above his brow. “Excuse me?”
Your chief is immediately flustered, “o-oh yes? Yes, your majesty? What could I do for you, yes?”
“Is it okay if the soldiers make their way towards the left wing castle garden? I had arranged some food as a warm thank you, and would love for you to take a short break to indulge yourselves.”
Donghyuck’s audible excitement behind him is brought to a halt by a fellow commander’s hand, the joy on their faces causing them to glow. The chief repeatedly thanks Prince Jaemin, almost to the point where it looked like he was going to take back the offer. Jeno stops him from proclaiming his utmost gratitude for the fifth time, “Chief let’s go.”
But before joining the others who were already down the hill, ecstatically giggling to each other, Jeno pats a hand on your shoulder, then proceeds to swiftly dust off the prickly grass that had stuck to your hair to save yourself from further embarrassment. It creates the opposite effect for you, a bit embarrassed that the prince is witnessing you get cleaned off. To your surprise, Jaemin’s face goes a tad sour watching Jeno act so chivalrous. He takes his handkerchief, patting it before extending it out to you. Jeno tries to hide his snickers at the prince’s childish attempt to gain your favor. He whispers to you before hopping along with the rest of your colleagues, “I guess you weren’t a liar after all.”
You go to follow Jeno, but Jaemin stops you. “Wait.”
“Hmm? Aren’t you going down with us Your Majesty?”
“Is that person… someone you like?”
“Who? Oh Jeno? Well yes of course I like Jeno, he’s my friend. We grew up together.”
“Oh a friend? Cool… can you hold this basket for me?”
You reach out to help him, the basket being lighter than you expect, “you know…” you trail off a bit as you follow his slower pace, “I didn’t expect you to remember my name.”
“Whattt!!” You’re thrown off at the prince’s tone of voice. “NOOOoOoooOoo never!!! Of course I remember you! You’re my savior!”
“Psssh oh gosh, savior!? Your Majesty I’m just doing my job, no need to be so kind to someone like me.”
“And who is someone like you?”
“A soldier of course, a mandatory.”
“A mandatory?”
“Yes, someone who has to be here.”
“Then am I not someone who has to be here?”
“Ah that’s not what I meant-”
“I am someone like you, y/n. I don’t see how I could ever forget your name.”
You’ve gone shy. Tongue-tied. Maybe even bashful. You two have also made it to the end of the hill, and you begin to walk towards the left-wing as he had previously instructed, however he stands still.
“Your Majesty?” you turn around to face him.
A breeze passes by the two of you.
“Let’s go to the right wing garden together instead.” He waits for you to come to him before leading the way.
You were hesitant to go with him alone. The two of you separated from the rest of the crowd, who probably wondered when you guys were going to catch up. But what were you going to do? Say no to a prince?
The walk to the right wing garden courtyard is silent, the day starting to dwindle down bit by bit. You wonder if Jaemin had important matters to tend to, if people were looking for him. You started to feel guilty that you were keeping him all to yourself, maybe he felt obligated to talk to you because you saved him. Maybe he wanted to discuss future plans. It just seemed too fantastical for this to be happening to you, of all people.
The largest hedges and rose twines lace around the front gate of the right wing garden. You only recount one or two times you have stepped near the area, your postings normally indoors and near the staircases. It was significantly smaller than the left wing garden, as this one was used for more personal matters, tended by the royal family. Access given to your chief and other higher-ups. Jaemin places your busted up helmet under his arm to retrieve the golden key from inside his pants. The two of you push the gate, entering a world that seems foreign and strangely beautiful.
The rows of crisp orchids, hydrangeas, lilies, and flowers you have never seen before, daunt at you with their elegance. They line up like runway lights that lead the way to the lonesome gazebo at the center of it all. The gazebo’s polished marble and wood, as well as its shade created from its dome-shaped cover contrasts with the variation of grass and pops of color. It was almost fictitious how everything was precisely placed, an illusion of perfection.
He closes the gate behind you, a heavy thud causing the birds resting in the fountain to fly off.
“Sooo what did you want to discuss with me your majesty?” The table placed at the center of the gazebo gets closer to you, Jaemin walks fast to plop down at a bench in the shade. “A game plan? Some new information about the invaders? Private matters? A new mission?”
He ignores your questions, and hums instead, taking hold of the picnic basket in your hands while you stay standing. He places it on the satin tablecloth, brushing it off and then scavenging out the contents. He doesn’t say a word but gestures with his head for you to sit, his hands busy picking out the wine glasses and hand sandwiches. You’re more tense now that the two of you are actually alone together, in fact you avoid looking at him altogether, awkwardly pretending to be interested in the lace design at the bottom of the cloth. Sneaking a glance is out of the question, he’s so pretty you can’t bring yourself to do it.
Once the bottle of sparkling cider is poured out, a clear bowl of peaches and the rest of the basket has been emptied Your Majesty speaks up, “what I want to discuss is probably something you can’t think of right now.”
You look upwards and press your lips together, giving it some thought. You gasp. “Your Majesty…” finally looking at him as he raises both eyebrows, waiting for you to continue. “You…you want me to leave the base to look for the invader on my own don’t you? That’s why you wanted to speak with me alone isn’t it?” You can’t help but choke up a bit, eyes tearing up at the thought.
The prince bursts out in tears, but not the ones you have, he chuckles heartily. You think it’s the first time you’ve ever heard it. It’s a bit maniac and bubbles up until it hits his throat like he’s trying to breathe and it isn’t working.
“Jaemin!” He ends up shouting, still giggling at you.
“huh?”
“Call me Jaemin instead of,” he mimics a higher pitched tone and wiggles his fingers at you, “yOur mAjesTy,” he calms down, a hand finding his chest to signal breathing normally again. His expression suddenly changes from smiling to serious, “y/n you seemed so smart defending me that night but right now you're being silly! Look in front of you, what do you see?”
“Flowers?”
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Are you being serious right now, Your Majesty?”
“It’s Jaemin! Look again.”
“Luxurious food from the castle?”
“nOoOooOooo we are having a picnic! together! as friends! I want to be your friend y/n! I want to get to know you better!”
Your mouth opens as if you are saying “oh”, feeling like an idiot and puffing out your cheeks to blow out hot air.
“Ahhh” Jaemin grabs a peach slice cut into a perfect triangle shape to put it in your mouth. In shock you mindlessly open your mouth and it pops right in, he motions for you to chew it, making small “nom nom nom” sounds.
“Wait. You want to be my friend?”
“Is that not what I just said?”
“But why?? I don’t think you gain anything from being friends with me?”
“Does everything have to be a negotiation? I am not just my title, I can be friends with whoever I want and I want you.”
You choke on your peach.
“I’ll take that as an agreement.”
At the end of your picnic, you find yourself smiling carrying a basket of goods Jaemin had prepared for you as you made your way back to the soldiers’ cot.
“BUSTED” Jeno smacks your forehead the moment you enter, “where did you and lover boy go?”
“Seeeeecret,” you tease him, clutching the basket close to your chest.
“What’s this?” Jeno ends up yanking it from your grasp anyways, opening it to find some uncut peaches and a handheld mirror. “HEY CAN I HAVE THIS?”
You grab the mirror back, wiping any smudge prints Jeno left. “No you fool! You doubted me from the beginning so, hah!” You stick out your tongue.
Before bed, you end up giving Jeno a peach to snack on anyways, falling asleep with the mirror protected under your pillow.
Being associated with the prince, more people began to give you special treatment. At first you weren’t sure how they found out you and Jaemin were close until you found him outside of your cot some days waiting for you so he could patrol around the castle. It brought a lot of attention to you, from either your own colleagues or outside sources being curious to what you looked like and why you were so “special”. It makes you uncomfortable. Speculations that you even threatened the prince even surfaced from jealous townspeople who have been begging for his attention for years. It was honestly disgusting how power affects how others will treat and perceive you. It started to get clearer what Jaemin meant when he said he wasn’t his title. All your life has been spent with only one agenda: protecting the royal family. Now that you actually know who you’re protecting besides the stoic title, put the idea of them as a whole in a different place in your mind.
They are good people. Or at least, Jaemin is a good person. If anything, him being in your life has made you even more devoted to your craft. Suddenly all the training and standing around as a guard didn’t seem too bad, the desire to improve your skills increasing because you wanted to protect him. You wanted to protect him better.
You haven’t spoken to the rest of the family since that night. However, you have run into Jungwoo once or twice in the right wing garden whilst you and Jaemin played around. Jaemin had informed you that Jungwoo secretly approves of you being in his company constantly because it kind of made you his personal guard. You honestly didn’t see it that way until he mentioned it, and now that he had you can’t stop seeing it that way. You were Jaemin’s plus one.
Seven was your favorite number. Your youth is a blur to you, but you’ll always remember the story a commander once told you during your first training. You were scared then, afraid to hurt your friend. She told you to count to seven. When you asked her why, she said seven was a lucky number. When asked why again, being the small kid you were, she told you that when the world was made God worked hard for six days and rested on the seventh, and by the time you’ve counted to seven, your heart will rest alongside him. It comforted you then. And now you had another reason to like the number seven; at seven o’clock sharp when the sun is just ready to say goodbye, you’re on break. And these days when you’re on break, you go to see Jaemin.
You’re afraid you got a bit too excited and started your break a minute or two earlier than you should. Rushing to meet him, you throw on the random smock on your bed and make your way to the garden. He wasn’t there when you first entered, which you didn’t mind as he was often late due to unfinished business or just him taking forever to prepare himself. You pass time crouching on the floor and picking at the pieces of grass that still had droplets of dew from the morning shower today. You get bored of the grass and decide to stare at the dying rose in the corner, shielded by flowers who made it to the surface. You decide to make it a tiny hut out of twigs around the gazebo, something your younger self would be proud of.
You’re so far into the creation of your twig structure you don’t notice Jaemin coming up from behind you. His hands cover your eyes, surprising you into fight or flight, causing you to instinctively knock your head back to hit his.
“Ow ow ow it hurts.” You turn around, stunned by your own actions. One of his hands touch his forehead, hissing at the feeling and pouting at you like a baby who just got their favorite toy taken away.
“Ahhh I’m really sorry I didn't know it was you.” You take his head in between your palms, reaching to bring him closer to you as you begin to blow the red mark blooming on his forehead. While you blow at it gently, concentrating on cooling it down, he smiles at you and stares in awe. He enjoys the feeling of you caring for him a lot, not wanting you to stop. “Does it still hurt?” you take a step back to look at him, forgetting how ethereal he was. He looks tired, his regular suit nowhere to be seen, replaced with a flowy white dress shirt and loose slacks, his hair flopping in different directions. He must’ve worked hard on something. You were probably staring for too long.
“Actually, it still hurts.” He continues to pout at you and takes your wrist to pull you closer to him again, laying your hand on his forehead to touch it. You gently pat it and give it a couple more puffs of cool air before realizing Jaemin was just teasing you. You separate from him again, stepping back.
“Okay you caught me, it doesn't hurt anymore .^◡^.”
You sigh.
“Wanna see something cool?”
“Sure.”
He fiddles with something in the hand he had kept behind him. He presents to you a flower with pointed petals, almost like a sword.
“Hmm? What’s this for?”
“It’s a gladiolus flower.”
“That’s cool…?”
“Do you know what it means?”
“Not really, I don’t know much about flowers haha..”
“Well there are lots and lots of meanings to the gladiolus flower, but the overall meaning is strength or character, faithfulness and honor. It signifies remembrance.”
“Ohh I see… what are the other meanings?”
For some reason, Jaemin seems a bit bashful at your question.
“Well you know how it’s kind of sword shaped? Well… giving you this flower is like… piercing… you know what? You don’t have to know.”
“Okay, if you say so I’ll respect your secrets from me. But how many times do I have to tell you not to give me anything special Your Majesty? You don’t have to thank me for fulfilling my duty.”
His face deadpans at you, flower still in hand, “I will because I want to, not because I have to! You’re so stubborn!”
“Me? Stubborn? You’re the only prince in the entire world who wants to be friends with one of their soldiers, if anything you’re the stubborn one here, Your Majesty! I’m sure so many others have risked their lives for you.”
“Listen… I may be stubborn but being your friend should be a given.”
“Dude, how is it a given?”
“Because you’re my guardian angel sent from above pew pew!” Jaemin winks at you and shoots finger hearts with his free hand, trying to act cute.
“You flatter me.”
“What’s there not to flatter?” Jaemin once again pops your personal bubble, placing the gladiolus flower behind your ear, his hand lingering on your strands of hair to brush them softly.
“Oh please.”
“Whattttt???”
You move past him, his hand left alone from where it once was caught in one of your tangles, He follows you to the table, sitting down next to you instead of across from you.
“Open your hand and close your hands.”
He does as told. You place one of the twigs from earlier in it.
“What’s this?” He takes the twig between his pointer finger and thumb to examine it.
“You’ve received so many flowers in your lifetime, this is probably the first time you’ve ever received an ugly twig hehehee.”
“What’s the meaning of this twig?” He holds it closer to his eyes.
“I’m not sure, I don't think it has one.”
“Well then I’ll just have to make my own meaning.”
“And that is?”
He’s about to put it in his mouth, but you push his hand away so it flings onto the table.
“Ahh I know, it's going to symbolize your heart.” He takes it from the table, delicately placing it in his hands again.
“How could you say things like that so easily???” You smack his arm in embarrassment. “Why are you so cheesy, Your Majesty? Where did you even learn this type of stuff oh gosh-- just, just take out the paper from the basket so we can draw or do something before break ends, gosh you-” you facepalm out of second hand embarrassment.
“Yo how many times do I have to tell you, j a e m i n,” he sounds his name out slow, “call me Jaemin! Na! Jae! Min!”
“Okay then j a e m i n take out the paper so we could draw or something.”
Jaemin jokingly sulks at you, but proceeds to grab the basket he placed under the table to take out the silky beautiful paper nonetheless. You love the feeling of it gliding in between your fingers as he passes it to you, along with some graphite.
He suggests drawing each other, the both of you concentrating on the other’s face. But when you ask him how it looks, he refuses to show it to you, so you two end up drawing deformed bunnies and random blobs with smiley faces, loud “eheheheh”s leaving the gazebo. He signs the bottom of your paper, and you sign his.
“Do you know how to make a paper airplane?”
“What’s a paper airplane?”
“Jungwoo taught me how to do it before, let me show you.”
You learn something from Jaemin every time the two of you meet. He is very patient when teaching you how to make the airplane, knowing you are inexperienced with luxuries like this. Having you with him allows him to recognize his privilege, and you widen his perspective on the world as a whole. He gives you the serotonin boosts you need to keep working hard, and little do you know you’re one of the only reasons he keeps going too.
Boundaries. Boundaries are good things. Boundaries between land help differentiate nations. Boundaries for rivers help create dams so water doesn't overflow. Boundaries tell people where to not cross the line. So what’s the boundary between friends? How much should you like a friend? How much is too much? You think you’ve crossed that boundary. Multiple, actually. You’ve crossed the relationship between a prince and a soldier. And now you’ve done it. Does Jaemin have your whole heart? Absolutely. No doubt about it. Maybe he did some voodoo with that twig and actually manifested it to be your heart because it sure did work.
Now you’re absolutely terrified. Mentally and emotionally those boundaries have been crossed. The only thing you could do now is restrict yourself physically. Maybe that’s how you could stop yourself from crossing it completely.
And you’re certain that Jaemin had noticed. Avoiding a prince? What right did you have? He’s been nothing but good to you but you distance yourself like this? You’re afraid to hold onto him, only to see him get married off to someone else.
You stopped running to him during breaks.
Sometimes he would see you patrolling in the hallways, waving a slight hand so that no one else would see. You feel terrible for not reciprocating, but the faster you two stop talking, the faster you’ll be able to lose these feelings. Out of sight out of mind right? But how could you possibly lose sight of what you’re protecting.
The moon was out already when Jeno shook you awake. It was a long day for you, your body falling in a comatose-like slumber.
“Wake up guppie.”
“Mmm?” your eyes are slightly shut, rubbing them to see him clearer, “is something happening?”
“He’s outside.”
You already know who he’s talking about. You use Jeno’s coat to cover up your sleepwear, opening the broken wooden door of your shared cot. Jaemin stands still in front of the door in his shirt made of breezy material, you’re afraid he might get sick. He’s the first one to get a word out.
“y/n.”
“Your Majesty-”
“Stop. What are you doing?”
“I was sleeping, Your Majesty.”
“Stop playing dumb, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Why are you avoiding me?”
The wind picks up his hair and sweeps against his forehead, exposing his furrowed brows.
“Did you sneak out of your room to come here? Why are you bare footed?”
“Yes. Happy with that answer?”
You swallow out of guilt, “it’s not your fault.”
“Then why y/n? Why don’t you like being around me anymore? Is it because I’m a prince? What is it so I could fix this?”
His eyes talk on their own, just as they did when you first met him. He’s pleading for you to help him out so he can understand.
“It’s because I like being around you too much.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Is that it? Because we are having too much fun as friends? y/n it’s okay to relax once in awhile, it’s good to take breaks-”
“No.”
He stops going on a tangent.
“I don’t know how to break this to you but after I tell you at least I could move on. Your Majesty,” you pause, “I’m terribly infatuated with you.”
His expression loosens up the way his clothing does in the wind, his eyebrows no longer furrowing. He looks confused and taken aback, like he needs time to process what you said. He doesn’t respond to you, both of you standing the exact same place the entire conversation, the boundary invisible. The commander in charge of watching over Jaemin that night comes running to where you are, the light of the stars replaced with the light of the torch he’s carrying. He takes Jaemin, whom you’ve left speechless, back to his chamber without much of a fight.
For some reason, you had higher expectations. You’ve gotten ahead of yourself, believing that maybe he would’ve said he liked you too. You’re so embarrassed.
And you thought that was the end of it.
It is brought to your attention months after that incident that the prince will be leaving on a long trip to another palace to discuss arrangements with other royalty. Business deals, apparently. It bewilders you that Prince Jungwoo would want to specifically have you be his personal guard. He probably requested you because he’s heard of you from Jaemin. How ashamed you are, having to face him now.
The day, or rather night, comes when you are stationed to join him on his journey. The carriage is as luxurious as it is tiny, probably fitting a maximum of two people and a luggage or two. You heard more about the trip from the chief; the purpose was to acquire different materials, introducing ones that were in this kingdom’s position. The other carriage next to you, protected by a knight whom you did not converse with often, contained all the goods stacked one atop the other. The coachmen seem exhausted already, the journey yet to start.
Well here goes nothing.
Your armor clinks with the door you swing open, watching your footing as you step in to sit across the prince. You make sure the lock on the carriage is secure before facing the prince himself.
Removing your visor, you make eye contact with the man you’ve been distressed about for months. He smiles evilly at you like an animated cartoon bunny. His eyes and the plumpness of his cheeks are cheekily greeting you, his legs crossed over one another, parallel to his arms.
“You think you can escape me y/n?”
You keep your startled-ness under wraps, composing yourself and staying put in your seat so he doesn’t suspect you of being affected. He uncrosses his arms, lifting the luggage next to your seat up and placing it in a cramped space. Jaemin then proceeds to move to your side, sitting next to you snugly. You’re still frozen in place.
Is he just going to pretend nothing happened??
Jaemin taps your shoulder, “don’t avoid me anymore, okay?”
You? Avoid him??? Wasn’t it the other way around??
“Okay?” he meets your gaze again, and your heart is racing.
“Okay.” You respond sheepishly.
“YAYYY” he hugs the arm on his side, holding it tight and cradling it like a basket of fruit. The emotion you feel isn’t exactly relieved, complicated on how to react to Jaemin. Humiliated? No, that wouldn’t be the right term either. The closest you could describe it is flustered. You were flustered. You can’t look at him anymore, staring up at the ceiling on the moving carriage, the light bumps in the pathway causing your world to spin even more.
You think you might die. Jaemin ended up falling asleep on your arm, the rhythm of the horse rocking him off to dream. You can’t sleep. One, because you’re on guard, and two, because you couldn’t even if you tried. The jitterbug crawls everywhere inside you, freaking you out. Your heart swells as it dawns upon you how long Jaemin’s eyelashes look up this close. Or how soft his hair is, and how it floats and bounces on its own. Or how smooth his skin is, like it was made from rice cakes. You wanted to squeeze it-- no. He also smelled really good. Like cotton out of the castle wash, the fresh scent of the flowers used to create soap sticks on him.
You stare and stare at him, his face probably worn out by now if that was possible. Not sure of how much time has passed, he wakes up. He detangles from you, his arms sore as he stretches and yawns, eyes never leaving you. Even after he finishes stretching, his eyes burn holes into you, enlarging every time he’s about to blink.
“Stop doing that your eyes will hurt.”
He doesn’t stop, enlarging them even more.
“What? Is there something on my face?”
“You’re pretty.” He finally closes his eyes, yawning again, somewhat still asleep.
“What???”
He puckers his lips, “I said what I said and I meant what I said.”
“You think I’m pretty?” You point to yourself, laughing.
“Yes!” He says with no hesitation, “I think you’re pretty and cool and strong and smart and funny and amazing!” He’s using that tone of voice again, fully awake.
You’re so flustered you have no idea what to say. He only laughs.
Two whole days pass in that tiny carriage. Breaks were taken, of course, eating selected foods within a preserved basket. You arrive at the other kingdom at night, similar to how you had left your own kingdom. You watch Jaemin from behind as the guards here lead you two to the front of his guest chamber. Jaemin heads into his room while they show you where you’re able to stay during breaks, or when you’re tired from standing guard in front of his door. It’s a shack-like towel room across the hall from him. You aren’t complaining, anything is better than that stuffy carriage. And so it begins. The patience game you’ve played so many times. You stand completely still watching the hallways and counting the petals of the flower rug ahead of you.
An hour or two, or maybe even five-- it’s hard to keep track in the same position, pass until Jaemin starts to crack the door of his bedroom open. He smiles at you from the little slot he created, and you scrunch your nose at him. He closes the door. A couple more minutes pass. He opens the door. He raises his eyebrows at you. You mimic him. He closes the door. He opens the door. He closes the door. He opens the door. He closes the door. He opens the door.
“Go back inside Your Majesty.”
He closes the door. Then he opens it again.
“But how are you going to rest?” he hits you with another classic Jaemin pout. “You didn’t even sleep in the carriage.”
You point towards the small towel room across the hall.
He dramatically gasps, “how are you going to rest in there? Can you even sleep in that? You haven’t slept in two days!”
“Oh gosh… there are people out there who experience way worse than this. I’m used to it, don’t worry there’s nothing I can’t handle Your Majesty.”
“Jaemin!! I’m Jaemin!!”
“Shh!” You quiet him down, a pointer finger near your lips, “okay JAEMIN now go to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow.”
“Go sleep in my chamber, let me try guarding you.” He opens the door fully, pulling on your arm before you push off his hand.
“No, what the fuck? My job is to keep you safe. I won’t allow you to stay out here, I’m not even gonna let you get the chance.”
“Then let’s sleep in my chamber.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“C’mon! No one has to know… one can even argue that you can keep me safe inside here better than outside!”
“No.”
“But I’m so afraid!” He exaggerates being scared, placing the back of his palm on his forehead falling back, “I gotta keep my body guard near me!! What better way than to share this huge room!! What if someone comes in from the balcony??? Like last time??”
You're reluctant but he shows determination with those pretty eyes of his, batting them at you like a mad man. You give in.
In all honesty, Jaemin just wanted to hold your hand and be near you again. It's been too long. He takes your hand from the slot of his door, pulling you right in with the slam of it.
“Okay Your Majesty, I think this place is as safe as it could get.”
Your fingertips graze the inside of the drawer, your back turned towards Jaemin as you mindlessly look for a threat that wasn’t there. The two of you ended up barricading his balcony door with the unnecessary amount of table stands in his room to calm him down from the possibilities of attacks. “I checked everywhere, can I go out now?” Your hand had picked up the specks of dust left in the compartment before closing it, arranging the dresser.
“You want to go?”
Jaemin’s voice had lowered in octaves. Curious, you turn to face him, confused by his sudden change of tone. His eyes observe you, making you squeamish, as if he was studying your every move. You don’t move a muscle until he starts to take some soft strides towards you. You’re holding the edge of the drawer you were inspecting for leverage, to keep you on your feet. His body corners you, his lips slightly parted and his hair disheveled. His eyes are serious and tempting you in silence, while his hand reaches over to your side. He places it over your knuckles that have turned white from your grip on the drawers’ edge.
You weren’t one to succumb easily to anything, always ready to put up a fight. Now you’re red in the face by his change of pace. Made no sense.
“I mean…” his forehead meets yours as you swallow the words caught in your throat, “it doesn't matter whether I go or not it's up to you….” your eyes wander around the room in panic.
His chest moves up and down like his Adam's apple as he giggles, rough “eheheh”s leaving him, his hand slipping off you, removing himself from your space. You feel like something heavy had been lifted off your chest, but that was probably Jaemin.
What was that for?
“Up to me you say?” He keeps giggling and the more he does it the more you find it endearing, “Well then I say you should take the bed over there,” he points and your eyes follow, “and I’ll take this love seat over here, alright???” He says it as if it was a matter of fact and not a suggestion.
“Nonono not on my watch, you're laying in your own bed.”
“NO!” He plops on to the sofa, scrambling to cover the entirety of it so you couldn’t sit down. His limbs branch out like a starfish, holding onto the cushions for dear life as you start pulling them off with force.
“Jaemin stop being so stubborn you’re already so nice to me!! I’m supposed to take care of you during this trip. Come on get up, don’t make my job harder.”
“y/n let me ask you a question.” Jaemin tucks his foot under the crease to steady himself.
“Go ahead,” you start trying to pry off his fingers one by one but they suction back on the metal backing.
“Have you ever laid on a bed like that in your life?”
You look over to the bed. It was enormous and overly decorated for one person, at least eight pillows lined up on the headboard, “no.”
“Aren’t you curious to try it out?” this question makes you hesitate for a bit, “I knew it, you areeee.”
“So what?”
“So whAT?” He turns his head from the couch’s back to face you, “if I give you an opportunity to use me like this take it, life is too short for you not to have some fun.”
“I have plenty of fun, I’ll have you know.”
“But does your fun allow you to jump on that huge ass bed?”
You can only look at his smooshed face. A serious smooshed face.
“You know y/n, as long as I’ve lived I’ve only lived comfortably in beds like that. I didn’t really know how lucky I was until that night you saved me. When you’re in a position like that, you wonder how many people die never knowing a luxury like what sleeping on a soft bed feels like. Everyone here has responsibility, even I have my responsibility, but when you can you should enjoy yourself.”
You listen intently to every word he says, wondering if he genuinely is going on a serious tangent, or trying to distract you from getting off the sofa. It was both.
“Because if you don’t have any memories of happiness to hold on to are you even living? If you don’t try something you want to try at least once then what do you live for? The system? The rules? I-” he lets out an exasperated sigh, “you. You’re probably tired from all you do for me. Not only me, my family. You literally had no idea who I was but you risked your life for me, don’t you think that’s insane?”
“It’s all I know.”
“Well. I guess I just have to teach you more.”
You’ve given up on trying to undo him from the couch, silently agreeing with him.
He sits up quickly, taking your hands hastily, pulling them to his chest, “just once, let’s play pretend and say you’re the princess,” he stands up with your hands still in his, taking you upwards with him, “hmmm hmmm hmm? Okay okay okay?”
“o-okay.” You’re not left with much of a choice.
“MWAHAHAHAHA”
“You know this is the first time I’m sleeping somewhere that isn’t the cot or the carriage?”
“Wow!” His hands are still wrapped over yours as he brings you to the bathroom entrance, continuing to talk, “That means this is even more special than having a sleepover, having a sleepover with me, the amazing super fun one of a kind unique prince Jaemin.”
He pushes the door with ease, releasing your hands to present you the washroom of your fantasies. Your initial reaction is walking over to the porcelain bathtub encrusted with different marble and gold designs, fascinated by the fancy soaps.
“Jaemin!! These soaps are shaped like seashells!!”
His eyes are gentle on you, finding you endearing getting excited over the soaps. You turn to show him the soaps in your hands that smelled of jasmine flowers. He smiles then goes on to open the wardrobe built within the bathroom, detailed with beautifully painted on doves and greenery. He rummages through clothing on the hooks, “If you want to take a warm bath now let me know so I can help you with the basin and faucet,” he pushes away the suit he put in there earlier, “come here.”
You skip over to check on what he was searching for, the wardrobe oddly accommodating numerous articles of clothing. With an “ah-huh” that passes by, his head pivots to you, “When you change you can wear whichever of these gowns fit.”
“Gowns? To bed???”
“What else for? To the ball? These are sleeping gowns.” He snickers at you while you reach for one in a drawer, taking the material between your fingers.
“These are really smooth woah,” you press the fabric to your face, “almost slippery.”
Jaemin takes the same fabric in his fist, “that would be the silk.”
“You could probably see my entire chest with this one!” You show him a nightgown resembling lingerie, lace frills at the bottom.
“Y/n!” His ears tell on him, a crimson peaking through, placing the item of clothing back into the shelf, “anyways I’ll wait outside whenever you finish-- don’t worry I won’t bother you during this time-- enjoy your bath, I- well, um goodnight.” He speed walks out, closing the door tightly behind him.
Running the bath, figuring it out yourself due to Jaemin’s clumsy exit, you had realized that time had stopped. The second your entire body had submerged in the perfumed water, lathered up with the creamy seashell soap, time stopped. Water moved, it was always moving. But in this bathtub it was still. Calm. It was keeping you warm, as if it was the blanket holding you tight after being fresh out of your mother’s womb. It embraced you, familiar yet so new. A life of luxury you were living for just a second. For this one second, you had full control. No one, not even Jaemin, not the water, or the intense floral scent, not your duty, nothing was on top of you other than yourself. You believe this is called meditating, or was it called relaxing? When was the last time you relaxed, truly?
The nightgown you choose is made out of that extremely soft fabric you patted earlier. It slips on down to your knees, the spaghetti straps allowing a cool breeze to calm down the heat of your clean skin. As silly as it was, it really felt like you were a princess, just as Jaemin had intended. Never in your wildest dreams would you think that you’d be pampered by Jaemin. It was surreal having him around, acting like nothing happened. A fresh start. Oh Jaemin.
Jaemin pretends to sleep, squinting after hearing the creak of the bathroom door. He catches your tiptoeing form leap into the bed. You stretch your entire body over it, fluffing each and every pillow, causing several feathers to get out. It was like watching a puppy get a new toy. Your reaction is so cute, he can't help but feel fuzzy inside. He wants to keep you smiling like that forever.
You had a feeling Jaemin was awake, looking over to the sofa to see him smiling. “Do you smile in your sleep?”
He opens his eyes fully, silently admiring you who looks at him from above.
“Are you sure you don't want the bed?”
“Certain!” He’s quick to turn around, his back facing you to stop any further conversation.
After blowing out the candles you shut your eyes tight, excited to rest. Unfortunately, you're restless; twisting and turning in the huge space. It was so different to what you were used to, much more empty. Maybe you were too excited to sleep, tossing around to savor every bit.
“What’s wrong?”
To your surprise, he’s still awake, either that or all the intense pillow fluffing and space-feeling noises woke him up. You perk upwards, leaning over to see him again, a pillow in your arms.
“The bed is so nice, but it feels a bit weird.”
“We can trade if you feel uncomfortable.” He begins to get up, but you extend your hands outwards quickly signaling him to stop.
“It’s okay! I love it! You really wanted me to try it out at least once, so I’ll just sleep… it just feels really big for me,” you awkwardly laugh, nervous all of a sudden, “we could even share the bed--” you shut your mouth, covering it with your hand after realizing what you just said, “Actually I didn’t say that sorry for even bringing it up-”
Jaemin has already gotten up happily, hurriedly crashing into your shoulder as he hops into an empty spot into the bed. His smile shines brightly at you, tucking himself in under the covers on the left side. You bring the pillow in your arms closer to your chest, a bit more self-conscious than before as you scoot to the very edge of the other side, leaving lots of space in between you two.
His little head pokes out of the duvet, “Don’t worry this bed is super vast you won’t even notice me here, so just sleep well now silly.”
His eyes are closed and he breathes steadily. You wonder how he could just fall asleep in this situation. For a couple minutes you resist the urge to look at him again, but end up caving in and turning his direction, your head now on its side. No matter how many times you see him, he continues to captivate you. His beauty only radiates the more you get to know him, his personality alluring you more. You’re a bit sheepish about wanting to get closer to him, scooting inwards. You poke his flushed cheeks, making sure he was asleep. After confirming, you feel safe. Slowly drifting off watching the rise and fall of his chest.
You probably didn’t know this about yourself, but you snore a little. Hearing the soft and infrequent heavy breathing, Jaemin opens his eyes. It was difficult to sleep soundly when you two shared a bed. He knew that if he couldn’t handle it, you wouldn’t either; which resulted in him faking it. And it worked. You were asleep. He watches over you fondly, getting even closer than you had. He moves your head with his arm so that your light snores stop and you are breathing comfortably. In your sleep, you hold onto his arm to cuddle it like the pillow. He has to stop himself from squealing or giggling, finding you adorable. With his other arm, he brushes the hair that has fallen over your eyes, getting back into his previous position, trying not to wake you. He caresses the side of your head, comforting you. He gently whispers to you sweet nothings to pass the time.
“You’re as delicate as spun glass.” He breathes in, “you have my whole heart do you know that? Sorry I couldn’t tell you when you were awake. But whenever I’m with you my heart goes like shoooouuuuungggg, like a shooting star.” He yawns, pulling you closer, “I wish I told you I liked you first. Then I wouldn’t have regrets. But look at you now, angelic in my presence.”
His eyelids get heavy as he places a tender kiss to your forehead, “sleep well.”
Waking up, you find your head on Jaemin’s chest, his arm draped over you. Flabbergasted, you modestly remove it, slipping out of his hold to sprint into the washroom before he wakes. You would be lying if you said that wasn’t the best sleep you’ve ever had in your entire life. Was it the bed or was it Jaemin’s heartbeat? Who knew? You rush to replace your nightgown with your uniform, hoping no one would notice you were not at your post outside his room. Emerging out, you’re stunned once again. Jaemin’s bare backside is facing you, his shirt placed on the bed while he stretches to place the barricade back in their original positions.
“UHEROEGWYWUEW sorry!” You close the door again, your back against it as blood rushes upwards. He takes hold of the door handle and pulls it open, causing you to plop out an embarrassed mess.
“Did you sleep well?” He’s still shirtless and you start helping him with the drawers.
“Yea it was really comfortable thank you, did you sleep well?” You look around the room.
“y/n.”
“Hmm?” you meet his eyes for a second max.
“You’ve seen me basically naked why are you acting so shy now?”
You grab the shirt on the bed and twirl it, smacking him in the stomach. “Why are you being so cheeky? Of course in a life or death situation that’s the last thing on my mind.”
“AH!” He rubs the area that started to sting, laughing off the pain, “what’s this, what's this? What’s the last thing on your mind?” He angles his head to the right, a shameless grin plastered on, taking back his shirt to cover up.
After moving the last dresser you leave his room briskly, not batting another eye at him. Whilst exiting, two maids are outside chatting while carrying the Prince’s new clothes to change in and his breakfast. How many more times this morning will you be taken aback?
“What were you doing in Your Majesty’s room?” the older one carrying his clothes asks you brazenly, causing the younger one to get second-hand embarrassment.
“Oh, what I was doing-- well you see I was just making sure he was safe of course! Made sure nothing was wrong at all! Yup! Just doing my job!” You thought you were a better liar but they seem to take it. “You can enter now, he’s awake.”
Jaemin bursts open the door, holding a seashell soap, “Y/N! You forgot to take this and your nightgown-- oh.” He notices the ladies a little too late.
You could honestly make a red carpet out of your face right now, or bury yourself a grave.
“Ahhh I see what’s going on.” The older one says again while the younger one makes eye contact with you and tries to suppress a smile. The younger maid hands you the food, while the older hands Jaemin his new clothes. “Don’t worry your secret's safe with me.”
Jaemin chokes up. The two maids leave, the younger turning to you and winking before giggling amongst themselves.
“You’re an idiot.” You lightly push Jaemin out of the door frame to place the food back in his room, damage done beyond repair.
A kingdom tour made for a prince. New to accommodate these types of trips, you find yourself listening intently to the conversation Jaemin and the townsman coordinator were having. It was interesting listening to Jaemin speak in a professional tone about professional manners. Making you think, “ah, he is a prince after all.” Walking behind him as the rest of the officials stood in front, you could hear the topic flip flop between the economy and how it was shaping up and what they were able to offer Jaemin’s kingdom, to different places he could visit throughout the day as they spoke. His head nods, carefully taking in all the information. Eventually, you learned how to tune out their talk, finding it boring after a couple hours of traveling from place to place. You end up focusing on the divine scenery around you, enjoying the setting change.
While walking down the streets, the officials stop talking to Jaemin and start discussing things with each other. He subtly slows down, his pace meeting yours. He glances in your direction and you pretend not to notice, examining the sign up ahead. His shoulder bumps into yours, trying to get your attention without being obvious. When he does it again his hand brushes against yours. You cast your eyes downwards, afraid that if you were to look at him your grin would clearly show. He tries to wrap his pinkie around one of your fingers, he can’t tell which one since he faces forwards. You nudge him the moment someone notices you two standing close, but he keeps coming back to stand near you. The officials in front of you ask Jaemin to come up to continue their discussion. Shrugging him off a little bit, he ends up putting his entire arm around your shoulders and ushering you upwards towards them.
“General Doyoung, I would like to introduce you to my most trusted guard. This is Chevalier y/n.”
“Oh really? Thank you for your service Chevalier.” Doyoung and the other elites scan you, perhaps trying to figure out why you are so special. “Anyways, Prince Jaemin, we were wondering where you would like to eat. As you know, our kingdom has tons of amazing bakeries as we are known for our dough and pastry goods, we also have a winery down near the public wells. Do you have any particular cravings as of the moment?”
Jaemin pauses in his princely manner, evidently thinking it over in his head. When he opens his mouth they all focus on him, “I don’t care,” he says with a smile on his face but everyone else has been left stupefied, “I would like my guard to decide.”
If everyone else wasn’t there you would’ve gone off on Jaemin, but now you were put on the spot. “Well, anywhere is fine, please direct us to your favorite eatery General Doyoung.”
You didn’t know how boring it would be to sit at a table with elites. There was an etiquette followed at the table, Jaemin showing you which utensil to use below the cloth. The place Doyoung picked out was as grand and high class an eatery could possibly be, a bit too extra for lunch in your opinion. You slowly consume your smoked salmon potato cakes with herbed crème fraîche, savoring the taste and reading the room.
“Correct me if I am wrong Your Majesty, but you are attending our ball tonight, yes?” A worker dabs at the corner of his lips with a crisp white napkin tapered around his neck.
“I certainly am, thank you for the warm invitation.” Jaemin wipes his mouth in a similar fashion.
Another worker from the right side of the table speaks up, “Our dances are of utmost quality Your Majesty, I am certain you’ll be enthralled.”
He nods while taking a sip of water from his wine glass. His eyes dart over to you, spaced out with a blank expression before smiling back at the table.
“Will you be attending with anyone? Perhaps Our Highness’s princess?” General Doyoung finishes his last bite of the meal, “Excuse me, we would like to be served dessert please!” He calls out to the waitresses.
“I plan to attend alone.” Jaemin gives a straight answer, “or with my guard of course, but other than that I don’t plan to have any other company.”
Dessert is placed out before all of you on the elongated table, beautiful puff pastries and a strawberry cake that could feed a family of sixty with its size daintily sitting on the trays. The waitress cuts a perfectly angled slice for each guest, including you. You look at Jaemin's plate, remembering his distaste for artificial strawberries. He only smiles, but you could tell he’s not excited, and begins to poke at it, everyone awaiting his thoughts on their famously renowned cake. You feel bad for him as he scoops it into his mouth, barely chewing before saying how amazing the taste is.
What a lie.
As others focus on their own slice you tap Jaemin’s thigh. Your lips jut outwards pointing to the cake and then down to your lap. He raises an eyebrow at you as if to say, “are you sure?, your head snapping quickly so he can act fast. You push your cake slice onto your lap, causing your pants to dirty. Jaemin slides his plate over to you while you slyly put your empty one in front of him. If someone noticed, it wasn’t obvious. You lower your head, pretending to look for something under the table.
“Is something the matter Chevalier?” Someone at Jaemin’s side asks, causing the table to refocus on the two of you.
“Chevalier y/n is just a bit tired that’s all--”
“Your Majesty did you already finish the cake?!”
“You eat with quite a gusto Prince Jaemin!”
“Would you like another slice?”
“No!” He recollects himself, “no thank you,” he smiles at them, “I’m full.”
Your head is still turned downwards, Jaemin wondering why your posture is bent so that they could not see your face. He leans back a little to see you better, the table resuming their discussion as they eat. He puffs his cheeks to breathe in the chortle he’s about to let out. You try to stuff your face with the cake fast, eating it so that no one is able to know of the slice existing. He ends up snorting, unable to contain his laughter. Although confused, Doyoung is the first to laugh, unaware of what was going on in your lap. Like Simon says, the rest follow suit. You finish up quick, wiping the remnants with a napkin, finally popping your head up with a full mouth.
“Are you alright Chevalier? You look sickly.” The worker in front of you asks you with genuine concern. You’re scared to choke if you respond, looking over to Jaemin for help.
“She often gets indigestion after eating salmon, no need to worry.” His tone of voice causes no more questions to be inquired.
Under the table, his palm finds the small of your back and gently rubs it.
“Prince Jaemin?”
The both of you had returned to the chamber. The clergymen have announced the start of the ball, Jaemin being fashionably late. You patiently wait outside the door for him, an hour passing by standing guard. You assume it takes a lengthy amount of time to get into a suit and style yourself for a ball as fancy as this one. Another hour passes by. It wasn’t your place to enter his chamber whenever you wanted, but titles aside you started to grow concerned. Yes, it does take awhile to get ready, but two hours late to a grand ball? Seemed off. Your foot taps impatiently causing small echoing sounds to be passed around in the hallway. You pivot and decide to check up on him. Your hand finds the handle, pulling it with a heavy hand after receiving no response.
The room is pitch black besides the moonlight poking through. Your eyes scan the room, looking for Jaemin. To the left, the love seat he had plastered himself to was once again occupied. His body hunched over shaking uncontrollably. The grip he has on the side is tight, his breathing rapid and coarse. His dress shirt is only halfway done, his suit jacket thrown on the bed.
You scramble to his side the moment you notice him, taking his hands in yours, his eyes frantically shuddering. He’s sweating and paranoid, lips chapped. You rub your thumbs over his knuckles, trying to calm him down. He’s having trouble forming a sentence.
“It’s okay, it’s okay you don’t need to speak.” You try to think of how a mother would comfort a child, soft spoken and patient. His eyes find yours in the dark, like candlelight flickering in a wild forest when all is lost. He decides to focus on looking at them, thinking of nothing else.
“Breathe with me,” his trembling head nods and follows, “one, two, three inhale, one two three exhale,” you squeeze his hands tighter. “Again, okay? One two three inhale, one two three exhale.” He breathes out.
You’re his conductor. Instructing him like a broken orchestra getting back on track. He pulls you into an embrace, lifting your knees off the floor to be held by him again. He wraps his arms to pull you in as close as he can, his breathing returning to normal. The idea of going to a ball after the last ambush pushing him to a breaking point. You bury your chin in the crook of his neck, patting him gently to the rhythm of the faint music you could hear from outside.
“I’m here,” you tell him, “I’m here.”
Jaemin enters the foyer. You helped him get ready prior, making sure he could stand up and gather strength to attend. He is even able to captivate you, someone who has seen what has gone on behind the scenes, when he strides in with confidence. To people who haven’t seen him on the regular he appears to them like he knows what he is doing, eyes glowing with clarity and movements swift and to the point. He stuns them with his attendance, but you don’t blame them; he’s breathtaking. You follow behind him, not as close as usual, waiting for him to meet the dance floor. Expecting others to ask for his hand, waiting to dance with him, you watch him twinkling from a distance.
No one seems to approach the prince out of courtesy and from timidness to even look in his direction. He searches in the crowd, jotting his neck upwards and out to find you. Facing you, he stops tiptoeing and retreats back to the floor, grounded, waving you over with the vague movements of his hand. Walking over to him amidst the crowd, he takes your hand. The ones who notice pretend as if they didn’t see anything, shocked but powerless.
“What are you doing?”
He takes your other hand, interlocking your fingers, “you look gorgeous.”
You laugh, hoping that the music drowns it out, “I’m wearing what I wear everyday.”
“Did I stutter?” His footing begins to take part in the rhythm of the orchestra, “Let’s dance princess, stay close.”
And so you do. Holding his hands and awkwardly looking downwards to match his dance steps. He goes slower than usual, a simple side-to-side step so you’re able to follow easier. He smiles to himself, eyes concentrated on you concentrating so hard to get it right. You try to match the tempo; he tries to match with you.
“See, see? You’re getting the hang of it-- ow,” you step on his toe on accident, both your arms in the air to check the steps again, “you know what? I take it back.”
Giggling, you tug a bit on his hand recalling his attention back up, “do a twirl! Do a twirl!” You’re so excited to spin him around and his expression melts, shoulders dropping down and his teeth showing, his eyes brightly smiling at you. He twirls with your hand in his, laughing at how silly you two are being. Once he returns, with his free hand he brings you in closer by your waist, your faces almost meeting. You catch your breath seeing him up so close. His hand still on your waist, the two of you start swaying to the music.
Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub. That’s what your hearts say. It would be nice if it could stay like this forever.
Your head looks across his shoulder, embracing the moment. Slowly, your eyes open and absorb your surroundings. Jaemin continues to hold you, moving you along with him. But your eye catches something. There was something off with the orchestra. You want to get a closer look but decide against it, keeping a distance.
You pause.
Across the room lies an image that will continue to haunt you even with your eyes closed. The thin curtains that cascade near the orchestra covers them to only an extent. The breeze picks up, sending chills down your spine and brushing past them. Your skin begins to crawl, sweat picking up at the corner of your temple with the palpitations of your heart. The conductor is no longer in his original place. Yet, the orchestra continues to play with fervor, trembling at the strings like they’re being held captive. The music is intense and all over the place. Your grip on Jaemin tightens when you see the conductor. Past the curtain, past the orchestra and in the shadows he sits. Lodged down his throat is his golden baton. Blood boils up in his open mouth like a crimson soup. His eyes bore into yours, but they’re empty. Lifeless. You want to throw up, take Jaemin and run. You want to push him off you in shock, absolutely disgusted with how everyone was dancing like nothing was wrong when a man sat in the darkness, murdered in cold blood. You catch a glimpse of the sheet music the orchestra plays off, stained with blood spread across like a spider capturing all the notes in its spindly legs. Questions in your head go berserk; who killed the conductor, and who is telling them to play on. Play on or face death. They’ve found you.
“Is something wrong?” Jaemin asks besides your ear, your hands still holding onto his arms while your eyes dart over every exit in the room to study. But this wasn’t the palace you were familiar with; unsure who was an ally, which exit led to safety or which one will lead to your end. It was out of your control. You were lost but you know right now would not be the time to panic, especially in front of Jaemin. You look over him calmly, hopeful that you’ve concealed your worry behind a calm smile. You squeeze his arms and he holds you at a distance, confused. You need to start acting fast, pulling Jaemin past the crowd to blend in, your hand is tight over his.
Tables are safe right? Tables are good! Tables are splendid! God, you were so overwhelmed.
You start ushering Jaemin to head under one of the tables that go somewhat unnoticed amongst everyone, furthest away from the orchestra as possible so that you could figure out where to escape. He knew the moment he saw you pause that something was wrong. Being in denial, he tries to believe that you just wanted to talk to him in private. But who talks in private under a dessert table?
Your hand is on his shoulder, motioning with your head for him to duck down. Jaemin’s energy from your dance flips over to his earlier gut wrenching feeling about the night. He goes completely silent and starts to shake visibly once again, placing his hand over your hand to find some type of comfort.
“Everything is going to be okay, look people are dancing and having fun.” You tell him to calm him down, trying to remind yourself to stay grounded in the process. “It’s going to be okay.”
A gasp is heard at the center of the dance floor. Taking Jaemin’s shoulders, you press them down and push him under the table cloth so he doesn’t witness anything and is out of sight. Turning your head to the sound, your body goes numb. No matter how many times you witness a death, or how many times you kill a man you will never get over it. Parting like the red sea, people split the dance floor into two, running to anywhere but here. Your world begins to slow once again. At the center stands a lady dressed in white like a beacon of light amidst the chaos. Her throat is slit at an angle that makes the blood starting to spill look like a delicate ribbon around her neck. It pours down her decolletage messily. Your ears ring, the time in which you meet her eyes and to when she falls to the floor slowing down. With her eyes she screams at you, “help me please”, but everything is happening and you can only stand there, staring. Why can’t you move? Why can’t you do anything? The orchestra still plays. The music is fuzzy. Everything is fuzzy. The pool under the poor lady coats her entire dress. This isn’t real. No, no, no, no.
From under the cloth, Jaemin extends a hand out to lightly hold your ankle. You can breathe.
You will protect him at all costs. Standing close to the table, you seek out people who can help you. Scanning the room, you realize it’s useless. The people fleeting in all different directions blend in with the enemy. It would be like trying to figure out which one out of a hundred of apples was rotten on the inside.
Your heart drops to the floor and you feel your face grow paler in complexion when a man with a knife runs from the orchestra curtains straight at you. Your trembling hands act quicker than you think, reaching fast for the end of your sword to pull out, feeling your eyes get wider when panic sets in completely, the man coming towards you faster. You’re terrified of the crazed look in his eyes, no physical mask is placed on his face but he wears a crooked smile like he’s excited to see you afraid. He plunges at you with his knife. Your shaking hand turns into a fist, blocking it with your wrist and throwing it over his shoulder with your forearm. He grabs at your neck, trapping you in a choke hold from behind. If this was Jeno you would be tapping. But this was not Jeno.
You arch your elbow, jabbing their hipbone with as much strength as you can. His gut is punctured, giving you visual access to see his feet. You throw your leg up backwards, kicking right in the groin to push him off you, taking his arm and twisting it until you hear it get fractured. Forcefully pinning him down to the ground with your knees, you use your free hand to release your sword. You pierce through his back, stumbling back a bit when lifting up your weapon with both hands. You push aside any guilt building up in your chest, wiping off any stained exposed skin against your suit. You wish Jaemin didn’t see. You don’t want him to see.
Guards in knight uniform start circling around the area. You start strategizing immediately. Safe exits are clearer, the rush of people sprinting over from one end to another creates pandemonium. Now or never. Leaning down, you get a hold of Jaemin’s hand.
“Come on, come on.”
Every second is life or death. Jaemin practically flies up to you, feet already picking up the pace. You push him in front of you, letting go of his hand so he can run faster. You watch his back, following him amidst the mayhem.
One moment you’re running behind him and the next you’re on the ground. It happened in a flash-- someone grabs you with their filthy hands and kicks you down in between your shoulder blades. You scream, a pain like no other spreading in the area. You try blocking their next kick with your arms but they swing right at your head. You collapse, head bumping into the pavement. You black out.
Jaemin knew he should never look back in this type of scenario. He should keep running. He needs to keep going. He has to go. But he knows your voice. He could’ve gotten whiplash from how fast he turned. He sees you on the floor. Someone is kicking you even when you’re unconscious. Something powerful washes over him and the next thing he knew he was grabbing a fallen soldier’s rod and wacking the fuck out of the person over your body. Throwing the person away, he kneels over you. He takes your limp form into his arms, crouching down, shaking you.
“y/n!” His hands go from your shoulders to your cheeks, desperately patting them to wake you up, “y/n!” It’s not safe here. He lays you back down to switch positions. He picks you up, draping you over his back to carry you out. He’s made it to the point his foot is ready to propel him to the exit. The enemy spots him. His body is in shock and you slip off of him. Guards have already come to his rescue, seeing the prince helpless. Reaching to his left abdomen, he’s in disbelief. He feels the hot blood. His own hot blood. It spreads onto his fingers. He looks at it. The sound of others’ voices only echo off him, only his pulse left. He’s hit with tranquilizing pain. His knees give out. He lays with you, unable to move his limbs.
He forces his eyes open so he can see you, the rest of him out of his control. A guard lifts him, his body being thrown over the large man’s shoulder. You get further and further from him. His dry lips part to say something, anything to help you. His struggle to stay up ends when someone else takes you, lifting you and heading to where Jaemin is. He’s relieved. He can finally close his eyes.
There’s a ceiling. Oh. You have lived to see another day. Your skull feels like it’s about to explode; the thumping feeling pooling around in different areas. On the infirmary bed your back aches and so does the rest of your body. Bruises litter you by the dozen, the feeling fresh and extremely sore. Slowly, you tilt your head to glance around at your sides. Cheap white fabric creates boundaries between you and the rest of the patients in the room. You aren’t sure how many patients were here or where in the kingdom you were located.
Jaemin.
Gently lifting your head and body, you sit upwards. The placement of your jaw and the dislocation of your neck hurts like hell but it wasn’t anything you weren’t used to. The throbbing feeling sends a wave over all of a sudden, causing you to go dizzy. You sit still until you’ve adjusted to the pain. To your right, you rip the curtain open.
There he lays, sleeping deeply. Observing his body you see his stab wound bandaged tightly. It must’ve hurt really bad. Before you knew it, you were sobbing. You hate how you weren’t able to protect him better. You hate how you couldn’t fight better. The more tears you produce the more your headache grows but you can't stop. You hunch your back over to his bedside, grieving into the flimsy material. You find his hand with your eyes shut, quivering in despair at the touch.
Clutching it tightly, raising his knuckles to your cheekbone so you can rest your head. Inhaling deeply as you weep, “Your Majesty please wake up.” He cannot hear you.
Time passes but you are untouchable. “Your Majesty please,” the words weakly pass your lips.
The sun meets the moon to play. You can’t bring yourself to do anything but stay by his side. Not only because you’re too weak to move anywhere else, but because you needed to. Needed to not from obligation to royalty, but to an obligation to your heart.
“Your Majesty.” This day the sky had no sun. It was solid and clear, big and vast, bright and blue. Your eyes still rain.
“Jaemin.”
Your eyes light up, head lifting to face him.
“How many times do I have to tell you? It’s Jaemin.” His voice is hoarse.
You’re so relieved you might go insane. You burst into tears, ripping out the ugliest cry you’ve ever had combusted into in your entire life.
“I’m so relieved.”
“You’re relieved? Bitch what? I’m the one who's relieved--” you’re catching your breath, the curse words slipping out unintentionally cause a ghost smile to form on Jaemin’s mouth.
“I’m relieved to see you by my side.” His fingers lace their way into yours, taking your hand closer to him. “So don’t cry anymore. As gorgeous as you are expressing any emotion, don’t cry for me princess. It hurts.”
You sniff, your eyes itchy from the tears while you quickly dab at them with your arms, “oh shut up,” you let out a chuckle, “you’re the dumbest prince I’ve ever met!”
“But I’m the only prince you’ve ever talked to so…”
“You!” Gosh you were an emotional wreck. You don’t even know how you feel, it just came out naturally. Dropping his hand, you cover your face so you could catch your tears in your palms. His outstretched hand takes yours so that he could see your face. It’s puffed up and red, your lips are pressed together trying to hold back spilling anything more. He caresses your cheek, wiping over them with his thumb. The look in his eyes says it all. Softly he tells you:
“I’m so in love with you.”
You stare at him. He doesn’t expect any answer back from you, his words so raw and powerful it’s all the energy he had left to say before fluttering his eyes shut to rest.
Recollecting yourself, you lean over to his cheek. “I love you,” you seal the words on his skin. He opens his eyes again, seeing your face close. His heart swells. You retract your head a bit to give him space but his fragile hands cup your head into his hands to bring you down to him. He meets your lips for a chaste kiss, slow and meaningful. He applies pressure to the back of your head gently, the intention pure. His eyelashes brush against your face while his soft lips linger on yours.
“So you’re telling me you’re in love with the prince?”
You haven’t seen Jeno in a month, returning back to your cot excited to tell him all about your expenditures with Jaemin. When you meet him, he’s wrapping his fist in a cloth bandage, standing up near the chest of your shared bunker. His back faces you as you’re sitting on your small bed, swinging your feet.
“Yeah. I am.”
Jeno chuckles at you, “y/n, do you even know what love really is?”
“What are you trying to say? How I feel isn’t love?”
“I’m not saying that it’s just-”
“It’s just what?”
“You’re being really naive right now.”
“Are you looking down on me?”
“I’m not.”
“Then why aren’t you facing me? If you don’t support me, say it to my face.”
Jeno drops his hand, his head hanging back for a moment before he sighs. Even when his back faces you his current expression is obvious. He continues to look through the bunker and busy himself with organizing the supplies. You feel like a thousand words are being said in silence. The air is like a knot in your shoulder: tense.
“You’re being so defensive for no reason-”
“No reason? You just asked me if I knew what love is! Do you even understand how I feel?!”
He finally snaps his head to look at you. His gaze is filled with annoyance, his point not making its way across to you clear enough. Sighing softly, he rubs his temples with both of his knuckles so he can recollect himself. On the other end, your jaw has tightened, eyebrows furrowed.
“I’ll never understand how you feel, but at least I can respect it. I’m just looking out for you as your friend, don’t you get it? Falling in love??? Was that even an option?? In this climate too y/n. You’ve gotten involved in two whole attacks within these couple months alone.”
Your shoulders drop back down, guilt making the back of your neck and ears tickle with pink. You bite the inside of your cheek. Jeno keeps going.
“Like how does that even work y/n?!? You and Jaemin? Do you think he’s just gonna keep going on these rendezvous with you until the day he dies? Don’t you know how dangerous it is for you to be personally attached to him-- what more, romantically?”
“I was personally attached to him the moment he found us playing in the yard Jeno, I can't help but give in to what's already there. What’s the use of keeping to ourselves when we feel the same way? Who knows if I’ll even live to see the next day-”
“Don’t say that.” Jeno picks at his bandage, the strap being adjusted. “I see your point,” he pauses to walk over to his bed, parallel to yours in order to speak to you at the same head level, “no use in depriving yourself if the feeling is mutual. But a prince, y/n? Not even a prince, our prince! Both of you are insane… ”
“I understand your concern, but I honestly feel like I’m living for myself for once, you know? Like, I feel like I’m on cloud nine! There wasn’t any formula, it just happened. Like…” your eyes light up at Jeno, explaining the feeling, “like everything that’s ever happened led up to the moment we found each other, you know? Out of all the people in the world we found each other in the middle of disaster.”
He looks at you sympathetically. You’ve obviously haven’t thought that far ahead, blinded by the present to not see the inevitable future of this situation. It wasn’t your fault, he knew that. He felt sorry for you.
“I don’t want to be the one who brings you back from your cloud, but I can already see all the upcoming problems revolving this relationship. As much as I want to support you guys I know your heart is going to break y/n.”
“How could you be so sure?”
“Have you forgotten what princes do y/n?”
You slowly begin to back track. The reality of what you’re doing coming to you.
“Princes marry princesses, y/n. Princes are used for political advantages to make kingdoms grow. Princes are used as game pieces, their roles used to bring honor to their families. What brings honor the most? Wouldn’t you do the same in order to fulfill your duty?” Jeno breathes in, calming down to sit with you on your bed. He places a hand on your shoulder. “I know you aren’t stupid, so please think about it. Especially now while we trace back the invaders.”
You aren't stupid. But it was true. These butterflies in your stomach could only flutter for so long. In the grand scheme of things you were alone. In the grand scheme of things you were going to die alone. Each life was a tragedy, rather it be now or in the future-- it all ends in death. In the grand scheme of things how you felt was insignificant. In the grand scheme of things it didn't matter how in love you were, or how happy you were, or how sad you were. The history books will never know of you. Prince Jaemin would simply be a face painted and gazed at without much thought within the stretch of time. You wonder what would've happened if you died the night you met Jaemin. If you had not confessed. If you weren't speaking to Jeno.
There's a saying -- “Ignorance is bliss.” You’ve heard it many times and now it was in conduct.
“I…” you take time with your words, measuring their value in your head, “you’re right. Jaemin wouldn't turn a blind eye to this kingdom or is his duty. He wouldn't give up his duty to his family, and even if he did--” you inhale, “I wouldn't let him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You're right.” You felt your body grow heavy, placing your face into your palms to recollect yourself and reflect into the future. You didn't think of the future until you met Jaemin. You wanted to live on with him. But how was that possible? You were a knight. You could die at any point.
“OF COURSE I’M RIGHT!!” Jeno’s voice comes in a shock to you, suddenly breaking the somber mood with his hurried speech and intense tone. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say!!! And if you are planning to marry him, expect treason without the permission of his father and mother!!! My good friend, be prepared for death and evaluation!!! It was nice knowing youuuuu!!!!” He grabs you by your shoulders and vigorously shakes you back and forth. “AHHHHHH!!!!” He screams so loud you're sure it's gone over 120 decibels. You're so confused by his bizarre actions, he's gone absolutely bonkers. You're so bewildered that your body is trying to choose whether to laugh or cry. Was this Jeno’s way of comforting you? Screaming?
Your reaction is to laugh, “AHHHHH” you reciprocate his scream, letting it out and causing a disturbance to other cots.
He stops shaking you. You laugh the pain away.
“It’s just the facts y/n!!! Even peasants are sold off and have arranged marriages set up by their parents all the time!! What more the fricken Prince!!! We will never be the exception!!” Jeno laughs the words out, stretching them out as if what he was saying was positive.
“Do you know what happened to the girl Prince Jungwoo was in love with?” You try to find comfort in knowing the facts. Knowing what could happen to you. Jeno shoots you an expression, one that translates to “oh boy” and lifts his legs over your bed. He heads over to the basket of goods Jaemin had given you, grabbing some snacks for the both of you to chew on. According to the chief, chewing reduces stress.
“Well, I’m sure you already know what happened to her but do you really want to be reminded?” He plops a pear into your lap. You nod, biting into the pear. “Didn't she like--” he swings his hand around his neck in a slicing motion.
“But do you know if it was her own doing or…?”
“Does it really make a difference? In the end Jungwoo ended up securing a deal.”
“This is so dumb. I’m sure she was her own person too, with hopes and ambitions.”
“Love is death,” he clears his throat, “Ah what a tragic love story, I mourn for you guppie.” He pats you dramatically as you chew even harder.
“Man,” you swallow the mush, “I would never want him to be disinherited.” Jeno could see a million gears working hard behind your eyes. “They’re probably going to use him to form an alliance or strengthen territorial holdings-- shitttt.”
“‘Shitttt indeed.”
“I feel like I need to talk to Jaemin about this. But what am I supposed to say?? ‘Oh Jaemin this is probably gonna end bad but I still want to be with you’?? Messed up.”
“I just want you to be prepared. I hope you know I’m only going over facts with you for your own good. Just be wary-- it hurts, yes. But we have to sacrifice ourselves. That's who we are, our place. We are meant to die dude, which is fucked up yeah, but inevitable.”
There's a saying -- “Ignorance is bliss.” On the contrary there's a second part to the sentence people regularly omit; “But knowledge is power.”
The closer you are to something the more likely it is to hurt you. A lawyer who knows the rules front and back is more likely to break them without facing consequence. A salesman who knows the trade of business is more likely to use some trickery to bargain.
These days pass without seeing Jaemin, and when you do, it’s simply a glimpse. He’s busy. You’re busy. News has come in about the spike of invaders coming after him and the kingdom, and now you’re more occupied than ever. Investigations led by your commander and the soldiers in the other district have been going on for weeks now, only slivers of information sprouting from time to time. That was before the letter.
It was sent directly into Jaemin’s windowsill via pigeon. The odds of birds transporting the mail correctly still confuses you, but the fine print was finally in sight and there was nothing else to depend on.
Being an elite, you could hardly imagine the amount of paranoia they would face; constantly being under the public eye, not being sure who and who not to trust-- and the letter given proves exactly that.
Signed, yours truly, the King’s closest friend.
It baffles you how someone considered a friend is so quick to turn an enemy. The closer they are, the more the betrayal hurts. But it makes sense how they knew everything, or where everyone was located, or who was on post to a tee-- they’ve familiarized themselves with the area. This kingdom was their second home. They’ve demolished your people and this connection all in the name of power.
The weight on Jaemin’s shoulders must be unbearable.
“y/n!! My love!!”
Plopped at the center of the gazebo is the Prince. A quarter past seven in the evening, barely even dark out and he had already thrown back one bottle of champagne.
“What a surprise to see you here.” You calmly close the gate behind you, taking your time. You had been taking your time with everything, savoring life as it was. Still visiting the garden every so often, it was better to have no expectations of seeing your lover at your designated time anymore.
Walking towards him, you take notice of his disheveled hair and clothes. A vein at the side of his neck looks one poke away from popping. The man glows with stress and alcohol consumption.
You sit next to him as your hand finds a glass of its own, needing to unwind as much as possible. Words aren’t used much between you two, sipping your worries as if they were embedded in the droplets of champagne. Jaemin grows heavy next to you, leaning a bit on your arm to keep himself stable and upright. He was so warm. The moment he had touched you again made you remember why you found comfort in him in the first place.
“Why aren’t you interested in me?” Jaemin’s voice cracks up and breaks the silence first. You look over to him pouting and flushed, not realizing you had been zoning out the entire time.
“I am interested in you.”
“Then you should look at me when you can.” His voice comes out serious this time.
Jaemin surprises you often. You learn about different sides of him as time goes on; sometimes serious and mature, other times vulnerable, hyper and full of energy, and more you have yet to encounter. It was like you fell in love with a new side of him each time.
He loses his composure, “I want to…” his tongue seems to be lost in his mouth as he slurs his words, “see your face more.”
And you don’t know why but tears start trickling down. You’re confused on why they were coming without a stop, unable to control them. Jaemin rises off your arm, suddenly shaken up by your crying. He brings his body up but you take his arm to make him sit quickly, afraid he might lose strength in his legs.
He stares at you. Something in him aches, like a bad omen cracking open. But then you look at him again and everything is okay. He smiles at you so genuinely and buzzed as you make sure he doesn’t fall over.
“What’s wrong?” He says it so bluntly.
“Nothing.”
“Liar!” He grabs your face so that you’re stuck looking at him, squishing it hard. “Tell me what's wrong. Tell me pretty please. Please please please?”
“I think I'll become your biggest burden.”
He blinks at you for a second before something in his head clicks and his eyes enlarge, “how could you say that about yourself?!”
“Just a thought,” you decide to put the explanation on the side for now, saving the conversation for when he’s sober.
“Not a very good one,” he releases your face just so he could position it for a finger flick. “I need to,” he hiccups, “get rid of your bad thoughts,” you don’t even resist or avoid the flick of his middle finger onto your forehead.
“Ow,” you rub at it with your thumb.
Recognizing what he’s done he grabs the crown of your head this time, murmuring “sowwy” into your scalp before pressing his lips to your forehead. With a “mwah” sound left behind he looks at you again and then goes back for another one. He moves your head closer to him to peck at your cheek one last time.
But then it falls back into silence. Even tipsy, you both have the lingering feeling of being on guard. It’s unspoken but it’s there. The invaders are on your mind, the next step is on his.
“Why didn’t you see me after I confessed to you?” You blurt out to get any topic out there.
Jaemin dramatically throws his head in his hands and peeks up at you between his fingers. He thinks for a bit, humming aloud. “Do you really wanna know?”
You nod.
“It’s embarrassing though…”
“It’s okay I won’t judge.”
“Mmm it was my first decision. To avoid you too.” You wait for him to gather his thoughts so he can answer clearly, “Like a resistance of temptation so I don’t have to suffer consequences. Except… I realized it wasn’t temptation at that point I had already fallen and I couldn’t stop.”
“Would you take it back? Us meeting?”
He doesn’t hesitate, “never.”
The room is lacking warmth of any kind. The heels of your feet resist rocking back and forth from staying in place for too long. There’s soft piano playing in the far off distance, echoing from one wall to another. The notes were broken, the unfamiliarity of the instrument being new to whoever was practicing. Two huge doors rest between you and officer Donghyuck, but you don’t dare glance his way. You stare at Jaemin’s back instead; how tensed up it was and how professional he seemed from behind.
“Don’t you find it sick how they betrayed me son? The kingdom we partnered up with at that!” The King spits some impulsive rant onto Jaemin. Going on about how much he trusted the off-land kingdom only to be met with disappointment. “All because they found out we started exchanging with the other one more frequently. I can’t believe how quick they were able to find you there!”
“Yes father.” Jaemin doesn’t even look at him in the eyes. He just takes it. And keeps on taking it.
“This is my fucking legacy!” The King’s saliva slurs in his mouth, heating himself up at the mix-matched thought process running through his head. “They have the nerve to try to end it! If it’s bloodshed they want, they won’t find it here! Despicable!” He rises just to sit back down.
“Yes father.”
Without moving your head, your eyes train themselves on the Queen and Jungwoo who sit poised at the other end of the front of the room. They express no emotion, as still as Jaemin. They were playing the patient game you were so familiar with.The King’s throne shakes at the grumble of his voice, lecturing more and more with the same point across.
“But you know what-- we won’t have it. We aren’t going to wage a war they are expecting us to prompt, no no no--” he chuckles with some type of pride, “of course not! I know exactly what we are going to do to fix this. To stop attacks!” He claps his hands to add a melodramatic effect to his mantra.
All eyes in the room look at him expecting.
He smiles and sighs out, “my son, you are the cure to their envy. The key to peace.”
You weren’t prepared for it to happen that fast.
Something shifted in that room. No words spoken yet there was a different energy emitting from everyone in there besides the King.
“No father.”
It felt like you could finally breathe and stopped breathing all at the same time.
“No?” The King’s smile slowly deflates into a flat line. “Did you just,” he pauses in disbelief, “say no?”
“I will not be put in an arranged marriage. There’s other ways to work around the invaders and the neighboring kingdom father. You can’t just keep having sons fulfill the purpose of a bridge.”
“And why is that?” He says it with mockery laced in his tone. He’s amused by this sudden act of defiance.
You keep your mouth shut. Under your helmet you cower in fear.
“I’m in love.”
The King is in hysterics. Holding his cramped up abdomen with his hand while he stomps with his foot opposite to it. Jaemin is baffled, his left foot moving backwards at the way his own father ridicules him. The relaxed palms at his sides curl inwards, a red glow shining through in frustration. Watching the situation unfold, he swivels to the back and you’re snapped back into reality the moment his hand tugs at your wrist. He brings you to the front no matter how hard you try to wriggle out of his grasp.
He repeats it again, you by his side: “I’m in love.”
The King grows quiet, eyebrows raising upwards. He lifts steadily this time. Each step he takes towards the both of you is powerful. Jaemin’s grip hardens on you, bracing the two of you.
“Soldier remove your helmet.”
You feel your pulse bumping against your ears. The wrist encased in Jaemin’s hand peels him off. Bringing your shaky hands to the bottom of your helmet, you strip it off.
Slap.
His hand cracks against the area that connects your jaw to your cheek, leaving a red welt behind. It comes more to you as a shock than anything else. Standing still and your eyes watery, Jaemin is quick to clutch your face.
“You think you’re entitled to my son just because you protect us? Entitled to a place here?” His voice booms, growing louder with every word. “Who do you think you are, seducing my son? A power play? Oh please-- you’re below us. Know your place.”
You hold your breath, eyes boring into a spot on the King’s shoulder. You don’t dare speak up. You don’t dare to cry in front of him.
“Son, have you lost your goddamn mind?” Again, he stretches out a condescending laugh, “How will she benefit us? You can find another whore like this anywhere else. She can be easily replaced. A knight? Really? They’re basically worthless.”
Jaemin keeps hold of your hand. He might yell. You can see it in the way his eyes glare upwards.
With a daunting finger, the King provokes you, poking into your shoulder. “Do you feel haughty because my son likes you?” He pokes, “do you think just because you risk your life for us we’ll see you as special? An exception?” His touch is numb to you, “Oh I know! You think you’re a princess don’t you?” He looks over to Jaemin, a scheme plastered onto the teeth he showcases to him, “You don’t want her to end up like Jungwoo’s little mistake do you?”
Without looking you know something on Jungwoo’s side cracked. Attention concentrated completely on his father. He’s hurt.
“Your Majesty enough. Do not bring that woman up in front of our son again,” the Queen shifts too. Her voice comes out as a falter, unable to defend with confidence.
The King doesn’t listen.
“Do you want me to kill her son?”
How come you only knew how to take it? How come you all were just taking it?
“Did our commanders teach you to be like this? Fall in love and spend time diddle daddling with my son?”
“Father enough.” Jungwoo raises his voice this time. Pain so evident in his pores; first-handedly seen this scene unravel.
“Fine. I must admit it would be cruel to say death was the answer.” He only gives you three seconds of silence before continuing, “Chevalier y/n you’re exiled. Pack it up. I never want to see your face after tonight.”
With whatever front you had left, you finally wriggle out of Jaemin’s grasp. You can’t talk, opting for a bow instead.
You exit the room, walking far down the corridor until your knees go weak. Your hand curls into a fist, grasping tightly within itself until your nails penetrate the inside of your palm. The trembling of your body resembles that of an earthquake; goosebumps spreading from your neck to your legs. Your feet stumble one of another as you push yourself to lean against a wall to hold you up. You feel gutted. Humiliated. Worthless. Powerless.
“y/n,” Jaemin snaps your shoulders to turn you in his direction. His expression goes sullen seeing your eyes clouded with heated tears.
You’re angry. More than angry, absolutely defeated. You shrug Jaemin off you forcefully, pulling your arm back. Despite fighting him off, he tries to hold onto you as you squirm under his grip.
“You know, life has been too blissful lately it makes sense it was going to end like this,” your words are painful through gritted teeth. You look up at Jaemin who is still trying to hold onto you, a fierce look in your eyes. “Jeno was right,” you laugh bitterly, “we couldn't be together even if we tried.”
Jaemin finally lets you go, his hands sliding off you. You hurt him. “You don't mean that--”
You laugh again, inhaling to catch your breath, “how much do you love me?”
Jaemin is stunned at your directness of the question. “What are you talking about? A lot--” his eyebrows furrow not sure of how to respond, “it can't be something you can measure, you-”
“How long are you willing to wait?”
“You know I’m in love with you.”
“But how long are you willing to go this far for me? Will you defy everyone, everything, your own father for me? If you're planning to do that then don't love me anymore.”
“You don't decide what I want y/n.” Jaemin is seething, his response firm enough to be tangible. “How could you say that so easily? How could you give up so easily?”
“Jaemin!” Your composure is lost, distress bubbling in your voice, “do you not get it?” At this point the tears have streamed past down your chin and onto the material of your suit. Jaemin retracts at your voice, his heart tearing at the seams. Your voice chokes up, “It's not about love anymore. It's about serving a purpose for the greater good, it's about dedication and being devoted to your family! It's about saving the lives of your people for peace and unity as long as you fucking can with every single fiber of your being. It’s more than us.”
Jaemin is silent for a second, swallowing. His eyes jump around, shaking with the thoughts locked behind them. He talks like a mad man, breathless and hanging on a rope that's about to give in at any second, “I-ill ask!! Jungwoo already dealt with something like this… I-i’m sure that they’ll, no, they have to oblige to me! I’m not that important! I’m just second to the throne! I’m sure there's another way-- we can be together! We will be together.” He’s smiling through tears. Like he’s lost it. Maybe he has.
“Don’t be foolish.” You provoke him.
He just laughs, reaching out to you. You shake him off again.
“I hate you.”
His laughing stops. Gloom looms all over his being. Whatever was left of the twinkle in his eyes has left, his smile falling into a flat line.
“Don’t look at me like that.” You say, refusing to look at him. You don't want to regret saying it. You didn't want to hurt him but you had to.
“y/n.” You don’t look. “y/n!” You face him, rendering yourself hopeless. He seizes your arm in a firm hold, his eyes burning into yours, “Stop acting tough because you don’t mean it. I know you better than that. Tell me again.”
Your frown recklessly tells him otherwise, not being able to get the words out.
“It doesn’t make it easier,” his hold lessens but his touch is still there, “saying you hate me won’t make me hate you. You’re obviously lying to make it easier. But it doesn’t make it any easier.” The hold reaches your hand, clutching it so he can bring it over his heart, “it hurts y/n. It hurts more.” He releases your hand, letting it fall. “Please just say you love me instead. Nothing could make this easier, the least you could do is be honest.“
“Your family has given me everything. The least I could do is owe them my life.”
“Then you owe me your life.” He takes your wrist, dragging you back into the place that was hell on earth.
Storming in, despite all your resistance, Jaemin is fed up. His family looks to him, extremely surprised that you two are back for a second round. The King especially looks at you with shame, calling dishonor from everyone you’ve ever known with just that one disgusted glance.
“Father!” He brings you down with him frivolously hitting the cold tiled floor with your knees. The two of you bend down before the King. Jaemin’s head was bent so low it was touching the floor. He brings himself back to sit on his bended legs, joining you in this position. “Please let us find another way to bring unity.”
The King is merciless, “son I didn’t know you were this naive.” Jaemin’s eyes shake as the King proceeds, “marrying a princess is a privilege. This is the easiest way to make peace.”
“Do you not care about how I feel father? Am I nothing but I pawn in your game?”
“I do care son! I’m doing this for everyone’s benefit-- even yours! Bringing you back from delusions of being in love with this,” he glances over at you in distaste, “nobody.”
You guess you were never a mandatory after all.
“To make it even easier for you, I’ve moved the wedding even closer! Isn’t that wonderful!”
Jaemin is fuming. He looks at his own father like he wishes he was dead. He doesn’t say anything.
“Now we can push all this drama behind us very soon.” The King goes from standing to waltzing to his throne where his wife and first son sit idle and used to the maltreatment. Minutes pass of Jaemin sitting in his position. The King speaks up again, “if that was all you had to say you two can go, you won’t be able to see her soon anyways. You’re lucky I’m giving her until tonight for exile, unlike what I did to Jungwoo’s mistake.”
“One day,” Jaemin finally says, “give us one more day to spend together. A time span of one sunrise to the next full of freedom,” he lifts his head to meet the monster’s eyes, “please. This will be the last time I will ever ask for anything. Ever.” He’s sincere. Every word was carefully thought of. He begs.
“One day? Hmm let’s see,” the King doesn’t get up but only takes a second to come up with his answer, “well the princess won’t be able to arrive in twenty four hours… and since I’m as charitable as I am I will accept your negotiation. One day, until the sun rises into the next you two may do whatever you please. But Jaemin?”
“Yes father?”
“You disappoint me.”
You wanted to scream. The man who had turned the ballrooms into magic, the man who you have been protecting so genuinely, the man you owed your entire life to turned out to be nothing but a sadist bastard.
You’ve left days pass by meaninglessly before; training by yourself in the field or standing idly on patrol for hours on end. Days come and go so quickly you’ve lost count of how many have passed. Whether it was spring, summer, winter, or fall, today will be the only day that exists to you. The only day where you believe will ever matter. Forever. And always.
Jaemin met you midway. The sun slowly came up behind you as you ran downwards. You remember the way he held onto you. His arms were wrapping so extremely tight you didn’t know if you would burst. It was an embrace so warm you could feel the emotion pouring out. He took the hand which he held so tightly that night you met into the castle alongside him, walking a slow pace.
“What shall we do today?” he had asked you.
“Be happy.”
Jaemin took you through every room and corridor. You remember thinking how silly he was acting, trying to exaggerate every reaction. Why did he do it? To make sure you remember? He pointed to statues, random walls where he had stubbed his toes at. Places he got in trouble, tripped, stumbled, laughed, cried. Everywhere. You weren’t sure why you needed to visit three powder rooms that were identical to one another. Looking back, you have the feeling it was to create a memory in that space. Jaemin wanted every room he ever walked in to remind him of you.
“Do you like this door or that door better?” You asked him about two kitchen doors. One was sliding and the other could swing.
“Why do you ask?” He was ripping a piece of bread to hand to you, biting it as a snack.
“I want to talk about things that don’t matter with you.”
He understood what you meant. When you know every moment shouldn’t be taken for granted, it’s hard to go back. Hard to pretend you’re happy when you know exactly what comes next. He smiled at you then. Pretending not to know. Pretending not to worry about making every moment count.
It happened too fast. By the time he took your hand again, the memories that you started to make had already mashed with one another. You don’t remember everything he said. You don’t even remember how many rooms you’ve passed. But you remember the garden.
The two of you sat at the gazebo. The exact same way you always do. He rubbed your knuckles. Memorizing the way each groove and crevice of your skin. He brought it to his lips, placing a sweet kiss at your ring finger.
“Want to hear something cool?” He says it in almost a whisper.
“Everything you say is cool- ow.” He squeezes your hand hard at the compliment. “Okay spill.”
“They say people die twice; one when their body perishes and the next is when someone remembers them last.”
“If that’s the case I guess I’ll live longer than I thought,” you laugh knowing well your colleagues and you never had much of a lifespan to begin with, “once when I lived next to you and once when I will only remain as a memory.” The both of you mutually agree. “Do you think it's better that we know today is our last?”
“Even if it wasn’t our last I would’ve lived everyday acting as if it was.”
His words made you swoon, a dusting of pink tickling the apples of your cheeks. He reached over to hold both of your hands, making sure you faced him fully.
“Let’s get married in this lifetime. I’ll give my best to you.”
Knock. Knock.
You enter the room without any word of confirmation. There was only half a day left, the patience game was the last thing you wanted to do. Standing at the center of his room was Prince Jungwoo. It was quiet, the timer in the sky beaming down at the two of you through his large window. Jaemin had told you to meet Jungwoo in his room. He told you he wanted to give you something.
Prince Jungwoo had changed. Something about his aura changed years ago when you were still a knight in training. But you remembered seeing him at the hill late at night. He was crying. He cried so often you forget what he was like before that. Who he was before that.
He turns around.
“y/n.”
You’re about to speak but he motions for you to come closer with his hand to stand with him.
“How do you feel?” his voice is softer than what you remember, almost like he was singing.
“Honestly?” you laugh, “I am drowning in utter sorrow.”
You’re taken aback when hugs you. Patting you like a mother comforting her child. “Thank you for loving Jaemin and showing him what it feels like.”
You break apart from each other, “thank you for being understanding.”
“I won’t waste much of your time, you probably came here…” his voice trails off as he walks towards his closet to grab something. He grabs a large hat box, the edging scuffed and old. Returning back to you he hands it over, “for this.”
You look up at him timidly while he nods at you to open it. Inside was a folded white dress, still in pristine condition.
“It was her dress,” his voice is calm and a little melancholy, “we planned to elope.”
“I can’t take it, it’s her’s--”
“She never wore it. She will never wear it.”
There’s a pause of recognition.
“What was she like?” you close the box, holding it with care.
A ghost of a smile is seen at the corner of Jungwoo’s mouth. “She was everything a good person should be.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
His eyes cast downwards, “want to know a secret?” His breathing gets heavier the more he speaks, “she asked me to kill her before they did. She told me to put her out of her misery before anything happened and that the last person she wanted to see alive was me. I could’ve done something. I could’ve helped her escape. But until this day I still see her blood on my hands. And I will never forgive father for pretending it wasn’t me who did it.”
It takes you a minute to process everything Jungwoo tells you. It was too overwhelming, and a feeling bubbles up in your throat when you try to swallow. But you don’t say anything. He needed to let it go. He needed to vent to someone who listened. It broke your heart.
“That’s why,” he looks at you through teary eyes, “promise me you won’t ask the same to my brother. That you’ll live at least a little more. A little more so he could hope.”
You could only nod through tightened lips.
He takes you into his arms again. In another life you wished they would see each other again. He wishes you knew how grateful he was for you.
The path beneath you feels soft beneath your feet. You walk barefoot on the grass, the tall pieces tickling your ankles and calves. Above you glows the pink sky, clouds shrouding with different shades of yellow and blue, mixed in with random specks of purple. They reflect onto your dress, the most luxurious material you had ever come across laying against your body. Music plays in your head as you hum to yourself. You continue to walk up the hill, the sun slightly offset from the center. At the end of your path you are greeted by familiar faces looking at you with such loving gazes.
The last person you see is Jaemin. Your eyes meet and it’s over. Jaemin can’t control himself, wiping away at his eyes frantically yet still trying to take in every second you walk towards him. You stand across from him, smiling brightly at each other.
To your left is your best friend. Proposing that he was the officiant of your ceremony, Jeno reads from a scripture and has the two rings in his pocket. His voice is powerful and calming to listen to, but you zone out every so often to look at Jaemin. This moment is beautiful. This moment you feel alive.
“You may now state your vows.” Jeno waves a hand for Jaemin to begin, taking the rings out to prepare them.
Jaemin breathes in and exhales with a chuckle. You don’t know whether he wants to cry and laugh or everything at once. “I know that the line is supposed to be ‘till death do us part’ but not even death do us part y/n. Everything I do, everything I say-- I will always think of you. No second will pass where I ever forget I am in love with you. Thank you for saving my life in more ways than one. I don’t think I’ll ever be happier. In my next life I’ll make sure to be born as your lover again, and that we have no titles. No mandatory or elite duties. My duty to you is my heart.”
The air starts to feel stuffier, holding back a voice crack you sniffle. “Na Jaemin. Whether or not I forget your face. Whether or not I’ll forget the way you smiled or the way you held me. Whether I live or die, I will always know I love you.”
The rings are placed on both of your fingers, the bands etched with a small gladiolus flower. Leaning into each other, your kiss breaks all emotion, the hot tears stain both of your cheeks. The clapping from your colleagues fade away into the distance. The two of you hold each other, unable to part.
Everyone present can feel your sorrow.
You weren't sure what you were expecting entering Jaemin’s bedroom. He follows behind you, ready for you to unlock his chamber. Walking in you notice all the trinkets aligned on his shelves and bedside tables, some you recognize and others he’s probably had forever. To your right you notice the large darkly stained wooden desk, sanded down to create a beautiful glossy finish. You walk over, hearing Jaemin shut the door after you.
Arranged on his desk is everything you've ever given him during your picnics; the original broken helmet, the dress shirt stained with blood-- everything. He’s kept them all. Even the stupid twig you gave him was wrapped with a delicate red ribbon.
You pick it up, fonding over it, “you still have this stupid thing?”
“It’s your heart, remember? Of course I have it!” He says somewhere behind you.
“So silly” you laugh, placing the twig back down carefully. As silly as it was, why were you crying? You’ve gotten emotional over a twig. His steps towards getting louder.
He rubs your shoulder to comfort you as you face the wall to recollect yourself. “Don’t cry on our wedding day,” he says jokingly.
“Haha very funny,” you wipe your tears with the sleeves of your dress. He turns you around by the shoulders, making sure he can see all of you.
“Ogoo,” the way he looks at you is full of admiration, calling you lovely with his eyes filled with concern. He cradles you like a bear: warm and affectionate. He continues to rub the sides of your arms and your back, rocking you two like a canoe in still waters from side to side. He brings his hands from your shoulders to your ears, cupping them to press his lips to your forehead. You close your eyes as he moves from your forehead to both of your eyelids, softly brushing against your lashes. He peppers your cheeks with light pecks before heading over to the tip of your nose. He places his hands around your jaw, cupping your cheeks to bring them closer to him so he could plant a heartfelt kiss to your lips, lingering to savor the pent up emotions.
He parts from you, taking you all in. You bring the nape of his neck back to you, going in to kiss him again, impatient for the feeling. It’s brief but less careful, needy for more and more. Like opposite magnets who could only part for seconds before linking back together again, you kiss Jaemin like it's the only thing you know how to do.
He brings the hand at the nape of his neck to his lips, searching your eyes for a reaction.
“I don't want this night to just pass.” He tells you earnestly, asking for permission.
The hand he is holding grazes his cheek lightly before you capture his lips softly and with purpose once again. Breaking only to respond properly, you place your hands onto the chest of his suit. “I don’t want it to pass at all.”
That was all you needed to say. His eyes shine with a passion and yearning only for you. Taking you again into his hands, his lips press into yours deeper; needing you, wanting you. Your lips slightly graze him when he moves his head back slowly to look at you. Jaemin loved looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered.
He retraces where he left off, causing you to stumble back into a wall with the force of the kiss. Your heads move to synchronize with one another, the taste of his tongue addicting. The hands you’ve laid on his chest fiddle with his dress shirt to undo it, pressing it back to slide onto the floor, his arms leaving you for a brief second only to hold your waist in the next. He scrunches the fabric with his fingers, pulling you inhumanly close to him. He keeps kissing you, the fervor going from soft to longing as they increasingly become breathless and urgent. His hand slips from the gathered up fabric at your waist to under your thigh, the feeling of his hot hands against your skin giving you goosebumps. He brushes his hand against it, memorizing the feel of your soft skin before cupping it upwards to lift you. Your arms wrap around his neck as he leaves feathery kisses down your jaw and neck. Your legs are wrapped around his waist as he continues to tease the sensitive skin near your collarbone. His legs begin to move underneath you two, swiveling around to the large bed. Just like the one the first night the two of you slept together. There was another chance of sleeping in one after all.
His hand goes from your thigh to the back of your head, laying you down, scared to break you. He still stands, looking at you. The beautiful rise and fall of your chest accompanied by the mess of your dress and hair has him go crazy, the desire to have you growing to the point his entire body feels tight. You watch him back; the two of you catching your breaths. Your eyes soften seeing his lips slightly swollen and face flushed, wondering if this will really be the last time.
“Don’t look at me with those wistful eyes. I’ll start believing we are pitiful.”
You give him a sad smile in return.
We are pitiful.
He returns back to you, fingers tracing the sides of your thighs gingerly before lifting off your dress slowly, making sure you’re comfortable. The flicker of warm light from the candles near his bedside illuminates the outline of your bodies in the darkness of the night. The stars outside that usually brighten your cot seem to hide their glow, as if the stage of a play has ended long ago and the actors are desperately trying to keep the show going.
Your hands glide down, removing his pants. He kicks them off the edge, leaving the two of you exposed apart from your underwear. He begins to lift his body so that he could look at you, but you take him back down to embrace him, flustered about your nakedness. He understands, raising his head a bit so that he is able to sweep the strands of hair on your face away softly, reassuring you with an earnest peck to your forehead. He begins peppering every surface of your skin presented to him, rubbing your thigh to comfort you in the process. He layers the kisses down, his eyelashes fluttering against your breast and stomach, meeting the strap of your lingerie. His eyes meet yours for a bit in certainty as he proceeds to roll them downwards and below your feet. He swiftly reaches your lips again, pressing a solemn promise onto them before heading back down to start sprinkling those promises onto your inner thighs. His mouth pulls away, causing your hips to move, wanting to be touched. His finger finds your bud, stroking it slowly watching your heat convulse at the new sensation. He gapes at it, watching it reveal itself like a rose in spring. He strokes the sides of your flower in curiosity, seeing it clench in desperation. He begins using multiple fingers to touch them as if they were delicate petals he was counting. He finds an opening, slowly inserting his finger to the first knuckle, letting you get used to the feeling as you squirm. He inches more in, bending his finger upwards into your walls, earning a moan of pleasure you did not know you were capable of producing. He repeats it again. And again. Feeling the way your insides pull.
He swallows, his mouth suddenly dry. He pulls away his finger, curious about the liquid spreading from within your thighs that has wrapped around it. He looks once again, his eyes glazing in yearning for the sap that trickles down your folds like a sweet tree. He takes his finger in his mouth, popping it out clean. With both hands he cups your bosom, squeezing it gently which causes more to fall out of you. He brings it upwards, high off the initial taste. Using his tongue he flicks your precious bundle of nerves rapidly, stimulating it. He brings his mouth down and plants an open mouthed kiss to your hole. He wants more. He delves deep inside you, using his tongue to press against you to gulp your glorified juice down his throat. He grips your thighs even harder, panting into you, the hot breath and movements making you whine his name. Your eyes roll back when he presses your bud down like a button and you dispense your sweetness onto him. He goes back to sucking you dry, allowing you to go over the moon with delight.
Releasing you to breathe, he lets go of your body. You stare at him in awe; your nectar all over him-- lips, chin, neck, chest, like he’s been eating peaches and the juice has stained him. You rise to meet him on your knees, wrapping your arms around him in embrace, the feeling of your breast pressed against him euphoric. You kiss him clumsily but he welcomes you, tasting what was left of yourself on him. Your hands travel upwards from his broad back to his hair, messing it up even more. Rotating him over, you push him back against the headboard with your body, intoxicating him with everything you do. For a moment, the two of you see each other again face to face.
“You’re so beautiful.” Jaemin says without a second thought, the words coming from his heart. You keep glancing from his underpants to his eyes, pushing them down until his member is presented to you, hard and firm.
His hands run through your hair, holding it up as you get a closer look at his erection. Taking hold of it, your fingers graze over the tip, applying pressure as you wipe downwards. You’re experimenting, rubbing at his arousal.
“Do you like it here?” You massage into the tip and shaft with your fingers split apart, hoping the experience is enjoyable. “Is this okay?”
“Yea…” his voice has deepened, the lust lost amongst the love, purring at your touch. His precum leaks, coating your hand and length. He grabs at your hand to guide it gently, adding more pressure than you had originally been using. His hand atop of yours is warm, the contrast of his cold ring awakening a hungry desire in you. His penis grows extremely hot under your palm’s strokes directed by him. The feeling is exhilarating, causing him to grind uncontrollably. Not being able to contain yourself you shake off his hand, feverishly going down to lick his tip, eventually leaving stripes down the entirety of his sex quick and starved. His hips buck upwards, not able to get enough of your movements, his nerves electrified. You press hard at his hips so they stay down, allowing you to suck at his sensitive tip. He grunts when you swirl your tongue with it in your mouth, lapping over over and over like a lollipop. You drop your head, and in the heat of the moment Jaemin tugs on your hair in his fists, quickly releasing.
“Did it hurt?” He is barely able to say with the feeling of you squeezing at his member with the concave of your mouth. Your saliva leaves a trail as you bring your head back up with a pop, you hastily grab his hand again to instruct it to yank at your hair again. He catches on quickly, taking your head in his hands and controlling the pace of your head bobbing with caution to ensure he doesn’t hurt you. He’s incredibly vocal, constantly praising how good you feel and how well you’re doing in between pants. Hurriedly, feeling himself get near, he pulls your face up, slamming his lips into yours, his hands meeting your jaw to cup your face. Both of your eyes are shut tightly to take in the sultry sweet taste all over your mouths as he cums underneath.
Jaemin can’t stop kissing you. He touches you everywhere, unable to stop. You’re an addiction. This time you press a kiss to his forehead as he sucks the area that connects your neck and jaw, painting your skin with a swollen red color.
He holds your weight up after you scoot over him to hover around his stick. With breathy “awh”s being drawn out by the two of you he sets you down until you’re settled in. You clench around the feeling, adjusting to the girth. It just feels so fucking good, his eyes almost go white with you engrossing him. It was a perfect fit, as if you two were spun by the hands of a God to interlock together. Made for one another.
His hands grip at your waist, controlling the fluctuation of your hips rocking on him. You quicken the pace, wanting to feel it rougher against you. He’s quick to adjust, matching you with the speed of his thrusts, pushing you down so you feel everything. He wants to hit your sweet spot in a better angle, wanting to crash into you at full force. He pulls your leg over him, flipping you around and plunging you into the bed. He repositions himself, guiding his moist member against your folds, his hand trembling from the intense arousal. He rams into you, causing you to scream in an overwhelming delight. And again. And again. Your fingers interlock with his as he continues to plunge recklessly into you, aiming to push you over the edge in ecstasy. But then, he slows down earning a longing whine from you. You open your eyes to see his face above yours.
“I love you.”
The significance of the three words throw you off. You’re overcome with multiple emotions all at once. The phrase stabs you. It hurts so bad. Squeezing his hand tightly in yours until your knuckles go white you don’t even realize that you’re crying. You wish you weren’t crying but you couldn’t help it. Your vision goes blurry.
He stops immediately, his hands finding your shoulders in a panic, “What’s wrong? Does it hurt? Did I hurt you? Should we stop?”
“I love you too.”
He completely understands now. This time, he feels it. All at once it creates something so powerful inside him it causes him to pour hot tears. They hit your cheeks fast, unsure of which one was yours and which ones were his-- as if it mattered. He goes back to interlock fingers with you, placing blurry kisses where the tears have stained.
Once again, he thrusts into you. Each one filled to the brim with emotions unexplainable. He keeps going until both of you climax, finishing off with an embrace. Suffocating you with his love, you reciprocate his hug. His head finds the nook of your neck, entangling himself into you. Staying still.
Jaemin’s large blanket is wrapped around the two of you snugly, your bodies molded into each other. The heat of your bodies and everything left unsaid keeps you two up. He makes sure he can feel you at all times, staring at your angelic face from time to time. You hold hands under the covers-- holding onto anything at all.
Why did the sun reflect the moon? Why couldn’t the moon stand on its own? Have its own light? You hated the sun. You hated that it rose. You hated how it peaked meaninglessly and provoked you. You hated it so much you cried.
Jaemin wipes your tears with his thumb as they roll down. You hold his bodice closer to you, cramming your face back into his chest to prevent yourself from seeing the light.
“Look at me.”
You raise your head back up to see his face. Suddenly all the times you’ve seen it flash before you. Will you forget each time one by one until only this one is left? And once this time is gone, what will you do then?
“I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes. After we have the union I'll run away to find you, do anything to be with you, I'll come to you running. Wait for me, I’ll be there.” he’s choking up so much, “we will see each other just in a couple years, and you’ll stun me just like you did the first time we met and then we will live out in the hills and raise children in a cottage-- they’ll have your eyes and my smile, we’ll be living a simple life, just us.”
It was ironic that the light dimming or the darkness wasn’t what brought you sadness, it was the fact that you didn’t want to see the sun. Where was the bathtub that stopped time and gave you control? But even if time stopped nothing would change. How you felt wouldn’t change, nor how Jaemin felt, nor the punishment for trying to change your fate. They gave you another chance to live once again. A life you didn’t ask for. Life over love. Obligation over happiness. It will always be like this. Your body is theirs. Suddenly you felt regret. Not for falling in love, but for not falling in love deeper. For not cherishing the time, not saying it sooner. Jaemin’s words only sadden you. Under those words of love came the truth; that it was only false hope.
“When I see you again,” he takes your hands to kiss them, droplets wetting them as he reassures you. He’s reassuring himself, “everything will be alright.”
You wish you could make out words but something terribly heavy presses down on your heart so only sobs come out. He brings your hands to his chest, laying them over the rapid beat.
“Wherever you are, you’ll always have my heart.”
a/n: i apologize for the crazy delay; i was unsatisfied with the initial draft i was going to post and rewrote everything about 7 times ahh. i didn't want to post something i was not happy with, and felt guilty about not posting anything so i told myself i wouldn't check tumblr/socials until i finished. (missed out on a lot!!) special thank u to @du0tine who motivated me throughout the entire process and when i doubted myself, ilysm. shoutout to these peeps who inspired me and were really nice while i was away! @heavenlyhuangs @flirtyhyuck @florence-cvrt @jungsin @honeymilkeu @hyucksong @vegetablepacket
@n-esn @insomni-writing @amaixiaojun @fightmegirl *insert entire followers and mutuals list* + my bruv it meant so much <3 hope the finished product was worth the read! i poured my entire soul into this man :,)
©︎ RENDEZVOUSRENJUN
#jaemin#neowritingsnet#cznnet#na jaemin#happy jaemin day#rendezvousrenjun#na jaemin imagines#na jaemin fanfic#na jaemin scenarios#na jaemin ff#na jaemin reaction#jaemin imagines#Jaemin FF#jaemin scenarios#nct fics#nct fanfic#nct fluff#nct angst#nct smut#jaemin fluff#na jaemin fluff#jaemin angst#na jaemin angst#jaemin smut#na jaemin smut#jaemin soft hours#jaemin hard hours#royalty au#prince au#nct dream jaemin
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u call ur anons nonnie 🥺🥺🥺
i sure do! (it’s because they’re cute 😌)
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🌸 (hehe)
ty for asking!
🌸 - what’s the most memorable dream you’ve had?
well… I had a dream that I was best friends with jisung and that he wanted to tell me a secret… and I may have had a dream that I was running my fingers through renjun’s hair so… yeah those two I guess lmao
unique pink asks!
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for the assumptions thing: i assume you're really funny 😳😳
:o correct
send me your assumptions about me!
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i mayHAPS am stalking ur account rn and omg i love the way your ordered your master lists and your writing is so good and well put together AHHH 😳😳😳😳😳
WHAT OMG THANK YOU 😭😭 this is crazy bc i love ur acc so much too 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 LOVE U!! ♡
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things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ❤️ (hehrhrheheh)
((hi bb, ur the sweetest))
things i like about myself:
- my eyebrows- how friendly i am- good at giving people surprises- my sense of style
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SOMNIIIII YHERUO;GEWIEIOOI cough cough i mean 9 +14 !!
9. How do you write kissing scenes?
ohoho, well... there’s two types of kisses i guess: the one where i try to describe the emotions, as well as visual, auditory and tactile sensations to create a vivid picture of what i have in mind... something that, if possible, causes a physical reaction while reading... the other type is a kiss where i try to describe what kind of meaning it has to the people kissing, or to the story in general! this is where i try to make a reader think more than just feel; and in that case you might also see a bit of the influences of me liking poetry, i think
14. Do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morales, etc in your writing? If so, how do you go about it?
yeeeees, absolutely. this is one of my favorite things to do! haven’t done so in most of the lighthearted drabbles on my blog (my older work) but especially in the angsty stories? a necessity, kinda the driving force of my work tbh, couldn’t do without it. almost everything has some kind of purpose and helps paint a larger picture! i use themes and motifs to emphasize the role something or someone has, as well as for foreshadowing. and the message and moral of the story is pretty much the first thing i decide on when i plan a story :) how i go about it? no idea, sorry, i just write what i feel... it’s mostly just... in my head already when i work on it
send me asks about writing technique!
#;asks#rendezvousrenjun 🎨#HELLO MY LOVE THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS AND I HOPE YOURE WELL MUAH MUAHH 💛💛
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list of all my fave nct fics/scenarios
hello! so recently i enjoy reading on tumblr than on aff since there isn’t much nct fanfics on there. i made this list as a recommendation and so that i could remember and keep track of all the fics i read so i could re-read them in the future.
most of the fics i read are reader x member (romance) and are either oneshots or completed series, though some fics are unfinished.
my main biases in nct include jaehyun, taeyong, and mark. i apologize if that is all this list contains of since i don’t really read much of the other members. but anyways, give these fics a read!!
update: PART 2 IS UP!!! CLICK HERE
legend:
✿ - fluff || † - angst || ✓ completed || ☼ fave || ✦ contain smut or mature content
ps: some of the fics i read are marked as angst, but have a happy ending!!
JAEHYUN
“If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with.” best friend!au by jungstruly ✿✓
tree house by heartkyu ✿✓
make out with me by loviejaehyun ✿✓
friday boy by heartachetosing ✦✿✓
and in the end by bba-sae ✦✓☼☼☼☼☼
[00:11] on your birthday by nctzensshi ✿✓
created by the stars by onlyinmywildestfantasies ✦✿✓
gold leaf by stormae ✿✓☼☼☼☼
valentine’s couple by prettywordsyouleft ✿✓☼
broken machines by icedcappujaeno ✿✓
nurse!jaehyun by jungstruly ✿✓
you may regret this by lovingyong †✿✓✦☼
don’t look back by lovingyong (sequel to you may regret this) †✿✦☼
love, eternal by jungcity †✿✓✦☼☼☼☼☼
bane of the devil by jungcity †✿✦☼☼☼
where the heaven are we? by fullsuh †✦✓☼☼
barista!jaehyun by ppangjae (this has 3 parts!! i linked the third so you could click on the first two when you’re redirected) ✿✓☼
strawberries by just-come-baek ✿✓☼
mafia!jaehyun by alientaeyong ✿✓✦
glasses by multikpopwriter ✿✓
coming home by scarletwinterxx ✿✓
let me know by ppangjae ✿†✓☼
bad boy & bad boy sequel by jae-canikeepyou ✿✦✓
14 roses by jae-canikeepyou ✿✓
marked by jae-canikeepyou ✿���✓
never not by dearncityy ✿†✓
ethereal by celestialmark ✿†✓☼☼☼☼☼ (if this is not a masterpiece then idk what is)
hiding in a tree by hyuckles-chuckles ✿✓
june 24 by ppangjae ✿✓
blue lace by moondustis ✿✦✓
new things: simple by moondustis ✿✦✓
pretty eyes, prettier smile by gentledreaming ✿✦✓
perhaps, love by ncthothours ✿
poppy seeds by hyuckios ✿✓☼
of all the colors by loveau ✿✓
love maze by dimplyjae ✿☼
balance of us by solecize ✿✓ (socialmedia au!)
good thing by chaezy ✿✓
our playlist by rendezvousrenjun ✿†✓
n side by moondustis ✿✦✓
when icarus falls by baobaojng ✿†✓☼☼☼☼☼
push and pull by baobaojng ✿†✓
idol!jaehyun by mono127 **this is not a fic but its cute
take you home by timetoresurface ✿✓
star crossed by nakajeno ✿✓☼ (socialmedia au!)
get to you by suhdone ✿✓ (socialmedia au!)
spending the night by i-am-regular-scenarios ✿✦✓
valentines day by greennct ✿✓☼
boy things by dimplyjae (this has 2 parts) ✿✦✓☼☼☼☼☼
“Fuck it, a new year is about to start, and I can’t go another year hiding this from you - I love you.” bestfriend!au by ncttoast (you should check her masterlist for more scenarios) ✿✓
beautiful stranger by strangely-amusing ✿✓☼☼☼☼☼
je te laisserai des mots by jungcity †✓☼
executive order by ofwolvesandbutterflies ✿✦✓☼☼ (has 4 parts but i linked you to the first)
lowkey by vibranthuesofkpop (has 3 parts but i linked you to the first. part 3 is here)
marry me by jaehyun-eclipsed ✿✓☼
all in by ofwolvesandbutterflies ✦✓
bestfriend!jaehyun by ofdreamsnwishes ✿✓
blooming by hyucks-archive ✿✓
secrets of the hill by baobaojng ✿†☼
goodluck by jaehyun avenue ✦✓
be mine by cozyjae ✿✓
of sunrise and roses by fullsunalicia ✿✓☼☼☼☼☼
infront of you by sluttyten ✿✦✓
memoirs of broken people by bba-sae ✿†☼
domaine de la romanée by heartau ✿✦†✓☼
paradiso by caiuscassiuss ✿✦†✓☼
unfortunate events by turtletaemin ✿✦✓☼
the louvre by moondustis ✿✦†✓
ordinary people by ppangjae ✿†✓
14 ways to know your in love by maknaesdancersrappers ✿✓☼
love you goodbye by serendipityseulgi ✿✦†✓
please, please, please by dreaminghaos ✿✦†✓
summer haze by dreaminghaos ✿✦†✓
first date by tuanstrash ✿✓
punch drunk by stormae ✿✓
odd hour by jae-canikeepyou ✿✓
valentine boy by starlightkun ✿✓
hallway to heaven by sopewriters ✿✓
serendipity by kuroaka ✿✓
moonlight child by valentinesicheng ✿✓
valentine boy by whereisten ✦✓☼☼☼
luxury by nctstudio ✿✓
lowkey by vibranthuesofkpop (has 3 parts and contain smut in the third part) ✿✓☼☼☼
TAEYONG
hanakotoba by lovingyong ✿✓☼☼☼
saudade by jungcity †✦✓
absolutely by sweaterpawstaeyong †✿✓☼
flowers in your hair by 127vevo ✿✓
feel special | heartstrings by tomoonine ✿✓
fool by yongtxt ✿✦✓☼
dancing in the kitchen by yunoij ✿✓
ataraxia by min-youngis ✿✓
chemistry by cocobeannct ✿✓
a cut above the rest by greennct ✿✓
may i? by ofwolvesandbutterflies ✿✓
psycho by junguws †✦✓
seat stealer by taeyohonic ✿✓
best mistake by taevcngs ✿✓
syndicate of fallen angels by stormae †✿✓☼
long flight by lavenderxuxi ✿✓
promise by sweaterpawstaeyong ✿✓☼
guardian angels by fullsunalicia ✿✓☼☼☼☼☼
standstill by stormae ✿✓☼
frostbite by strangely-amusing ✿✓
MARK
don’t need a lucky charm by markszone ✿✓
slip-ups by yoondoze ✿✓
best night of our lives by defkooka ✿✓☼
first date by mnhynq ✿✓
blackmail by kpop-stole-my-sanity ✿✓
college boyfriend! by kirei-markeu ✿✓
little surfer girl by jaeminlore ✿✓
seasons by jaeminlore ✿†✓
disconnected by gohyuck ✿✓
solitude by celestialmark ✿✓ (link is to preview, but you could find the next chapters there as well)
a poem titled you by celestialmark ✿✓
sunflower by celestialmark ✿✓
the world is ending and i’m with you by jaeminlore ✦✓
#nct fic rec#nct fanfic#jaehyun fic#jaehyun#taeyong fic#taeyong#mark lee fic#mark#mark lee#nct mark#nct scenarios#nct imagines
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NCT RECOMMENDATION LIST
None of these are mine! This is just a collection of some of my favorite works (mostly for myself to keep track of haha)
Please read the author’s own warnings!
* = long/ series
@lovingyong:
*White knuckle tight Johnny
*You may regret this Jaehyun
*Don’t look back (the sequel to YMRT)
A rather unfortunate phrase mark
****no longer available :(****
@flirtyhyuck:
7:27 Johnny
Nervous first meeting Taeyong
9:04 Jaehyun
3:11 Mark
Commercial break kiss Jeno
Sleepy in class Jeno
7:47 Jeno
10:10 Jaemin
*To all the boys I’ve loved before (dream)
@kpop-fanfic-network:
Too late chenle/jaemin
Of course we’ll meet again Jeno
@gohyuck:
Disconnected mark
tutor doyoung
lionheart jeno
@ppangjae:
*Planet Girl jaehyun
@hyucksie:
*In the long run mark
@nctsworld:
Just let me adore you jaehyun
@jaeminlore:
Not a fan Johnny
Now a fan (sequel)
It starts and ends with you Jeno
@warmau:
Summer love mark
@nsheetee:
*Barista AU 00line
Apocalypse AU mark
@starsuh:
Shy Jaehyun
Whipped Jaehyun
Classmate crush jaemin
@nctsworld:
Fire alarm mark
@neoct-zen:
Masterlist various
@rendezvousrenjun
sleepless jeno
2:01 jaemin
@luvdsc
masterlist various
@starrdustville
sleepless jaehyun
on the rooftop Doyoung
@dont-look-down-on-me
5:21 Haechan
9:04 ten
1:43 jaemin
@theleemark
sleepless haechan
@celestialmark
a poem titled you mark
@hannie-dul-set
how to get the guy mark
#nct masterlist#nct fic recs#nct recs#nct x reader#nct dream#superm#nct 127#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct fluff#nct fanfic#nct fanfics#nct recommendations#kpop#kpop fanfic recs
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masterlist!
✿ series
↬ sleepless - ot7 nct dream | fluff, angst, & comedy | completed
♡ Each sleepless night tells a different story for a lover or a loner. Whether it be impulsively cutting your bangs or having a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend at three am.
↬ ring ring rejection - huang renjun | fluff, angst, & comedy | ongoing
♡ After being rejected, relationships typically become awkward for the two parties involved. But a little white lie to salvage a friendship just leads to getting closer and closer… and closer….
✿ oneshots
↬ get to work - kim doyoung | fluff | requested
♡ “don’t disrespect yourself that’s my job”
↬ our playlist - jung jaehyun | romance & angst | personal favorite
♡ In which each song represents a pivotal moment in your relationship with Jung Jaehyun. Idol!Jaehyun & Caregiver!Reader
↬ valentine’s day - jung jaehyun | comedy & fluff | sns!au
♡ hanging out on his birthday which happens to fall on the 14th of February
↬ misunderstanding - kim jungwoo | fluff | best friends!au | requested
♡ “you can stay” + confessing after hiding feelings for so long
↬ shuffle play - mark lee | suggestive & fluff | requested
♡ “can we try something” + “say it back coward” - making out to his playlist
↬ umbrella - huang renjun | angst | requested
♡ “You’re shaking” + “Why see me if you’re just gonna kiss someone else?”
↬ chaotic snack - huang renjun | comedy & fluff | sns!au
♡ boyfriend! renjun brings you something to eat at home after his radio show except it gets a bit chaotic
↬ party 4-2 - lee jeno | fluff & angst | college/barista/fake dating!au | requested
♡ due to unfortunate circumstances, you and jeno have to pretend to date at a party, the only problem is that both of you have suppressed feelings for one another and can’t seem to admit it.
↬ idk u. - lee jeno | fluff & angst | college!au
♡ You just needed somewhere to sit in the morning. never thought it would end up with crying over a dumb boy and riding on the back of his motorcycle.
↬ my heart - na jaemin | romance & angst & smut & thrill | royalty! au | personal favorite
♡ jam packed story about knight! reader and prince! jaemin // whether or not memories will fade and you forget the way he smiled at you, or how he smelled of fresh linen and peaches, or the way his skin felt against yours, you’ll always remember you loved jaemin.
↬ address - park jisung | fluff & comedy | highschool!au
♡ Time seems to fly by when you catch feelings for a mutual friend who also so happens to be your physics partner, and potential love partner.
↬ friend burglar - park jisung | fluff & comedy | requested
♡ “Say it back coward” - enemies to lovers!au
↬ as your boyfie - park jisung | fluff & comedy | headcanon
♡ where park jisung is simply... you guessed it. your boyfriend.
✿ timestamps
[4:06 pm] - mark lee | fluff | sharing earbuds
[11:02 am] - wong kunhang | fluff | hand tracing
[1:20 pm] - huang renjun | fluff & comedy | art class
[3:23 pm] - huang renjun | fluff | tutor!au
[7:30 pm] - lee donghyuck | fluff & comedy | applying lip balm
[6:30 pm] - lee donghyuck | fluff & comedy | fist bumping
[2:01 am] - na jaemin | fluff & angst | reading his letter
[12:18 pm] - na jaemin | fluff & angst | insecurities and comfort
[5:36 pm] - zhong chenle | fluff & angst | theater kids
[11:50 am] - park jisung | fluff & comedy | running over a trash can
#rendezvousrenjun#rendezvousrenjun masterlist#nct masterlist#nct dream masterlist#nct 127 masterlist#nct scenarios#nct fanfic#nct reactions#nct imagines#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 reactions#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 fake texts#nct 127 timestamps#nct 127 blurbs#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios#nct dream reactions#nct dream blurbs#nct dream timestamps#nct requests#nct recs#nct dream#nct u#wayv#nct 127#mark lee#jung jaehyun#moon taeil#kim doyoung
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ur writing is so yummy slurp slurp
😳 pls have some more whenever i post something
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For being so nice and cute, copy this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the GAME going and make others feel beautiful.💕 (i love your content 🥺🥺🥺!!)
awh, thank you so much! I’m so glad you love my content!! ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒
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recs for my anon
you asked for my recs! here are some!
i hope this is okay. i typically only read renjun pics since he’s my ult
meaningless to hesitate, but we still do | @spiritsuga only part 1 is out so far, but i think it’s really interesting. it hit me in the heart and bit and left me wanting a part 2 so bad (mafia au)
the one where renjun gets kissed | @ncttrinities probably one of my favorite ever. i was around to see it very early on and i looked forward to updates every week. really drama filled and i loved it! she also wrote the rich truth! that one was really nice as well! (sns au)
my best friend wants to be abducted by aliens | @choerrypuffs i love this one so much. it brought me through so much. and it’s about greek gods! it was an interesting mix. in the story you go so many places and “interact” with so many people and it ended amazingly (greek god au)
the element of power | also by @choerrypuffs
i love avatar and this fic brought that ukesfveuin part out of me. renjun’s character gives off perfect zuko energy. this fic made me happy. it’s pretty amazing. she has more avatar au im pretty sure with the other members (avatar au)
1:16 am | @insomni-writing
it’s sad but it’s really sad. it doesn’t have a specific member it could be anyone. it hurt my heart even after reading it. and it just punched me in the face. i think it deserved a lot better than what it got
love/life | @neocitybynight
if there’s a single one i’d have to recommend it would be this one. i loved it so much. i sobbed like a baby during the baby shower part and the ending. BRO THE ENDING AHH. this story brought out so many of my emotions i really hope you read this one. i think this one should get more attention too.
my heart | @rendezvousrenjun
i love an so much. this story was amazing i loved it so much and im a sucker for a prince au haha. i know she worked so hard on this so i think you should give this one a read too! this one is actually a jaemin fic. the ending was so precious to me though it was sad at the same time. i can’t say what it is because i dont want to spoil it haha but it’s that sweet sounding but heart stabbing moment yk?
@du0tine
i love her sm she’s a good friend of mine! she hasn’t put anything out yet, but i’ve read her writing beautiful and it’s beautiful and has such an amazing way with words she’s amazing. look forward to her writing! you’ll be blown away!
maybe it’s the chlorine | @kopikokun
this one is a jeno fic. it’s cute and adorable and just the name of it dragged me in. it pretty interesting and i think the way it ended was pretty unexpected i think it’s something you may enjoy
nervous | @sleepingrenjun
the header currently says “i hope i made you cry” and this fic definitely did. it builds up and completely destroys you. it made me kind of wonder what happens next but nothing really does.and if you read it you’ll see why
you and me | @jaeminlore
this one stabbed me in the heart! it’s one of the first fics i’ve ever read and i still go back a read it all the time. i ugly sobbed to this one too and it’s just so heartbreaking i hope you read this one
love equations | @tynct
another one i go back and read all the time. it’s precious and i feel like the build up was so amazing. the ending was so cute i loved it. i kind of want to see what the “aftermath” of everything is (hahahahaha you get it? love EQUATION, afterMATH?)
the one with the ex-boyfriend | @mistymark
she’s such an amazing writer and such a legend this is just one of my favorites by her. it’s all of nct dream so you can read one of them or all of them. it’s really interesting and the ones i’ve read so far are sweet and reminds me of these youtube videos i watch
the one with the second chance
by the same person i’ve only read the renjun one of this one and i loved it. it was sweet and the way they talk to each other is nice and it honestly feels so real. i really loved the ending when they were talking to each other and not for the camera. i want to say but i do not want to spoil
murder replay | @pastelsicheng
i was pretty early on to this one too. it’s another sns au more mainly around jaemin. i loved watching it unfold and then there’s more drama than expected which i loved and always had me looking forward to updates. the ending was so unexpected! i love this one so much
i have more but this is all i can think of off the top of my head
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For being so nice and cute, copy this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the GAME going and make others feel beautiful.💕
YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY
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markleebee’s fic recs
[Last Updated: May 22, 2020]
check out my fic rec blog @markleerecs !
Doyoung
talk by @valentinesicheng | royalty!au, arranged marriage!au, fluff, hurt/comfort
a million tries and then, you by @dropsofletters | office!au, matchmaker!au, enemies to lovers!au
precautions by @dreaminghaos | fluff, smut, a bit of angst; ceo!au, fake engagement!au
Jaehyun
be mine by @cozyjae | single dad jaehyun x reader, fluff
ordinary people by @ppangjae | fluff, angst, slow burn, fake dating!au + friends to lovers!au + ceo!jaehyun
Crazy, Rich, and They Hate Me by @nctzendreamz | Crazy Rich Asians!au, this shit made me cry wtf
Fake love by @127-mile | fake dating!au, fluff, angst
Jungwoo
enchanted by @choerrypuffs | fluff, angst, prince!jungwoo x witch!reader
Mark
daydream by @arcadiankdy | fluff, highschool AU, basketball!mark, a little pining
upon a star by @lumarkle | fluff, soulmate AU
golden kiss by @jaesmintea | fluff, angst, friends-to-lovers!mark au
No Contact by @kirei-markeu | fluff, secret boyfriend
Sunflower by @markrees | college!au, FLUFFFF
More Than Words by @sofhyuck | Friends to lovers, college!Mark, fluff, Mark being a dumbass
Seasons by @jaeminlore | royalty au, fluff, angst, jealous!mark, soft!mark
Renjun
Paper Planes by @xsandjenos | fluff, neighbour!au, friends to lovers
A Haunting in Neo City by @nctxnation | Romance, Buzzfeed Unsolved AU
birds & cartoons by @grooweil | fluff, soulmate!renjun
Wifi by @nsheetee | Roommate AU, Fluff, slightly crack-ish
Jeno
miscommunication by @chu-ni | angst, fluff, royalty!au, magic??
I’m Just Like You by @softyn | Fluff, basketball player! Jeno + basketball player!! Reader, enemies to lovers! AU
clueless by @cozyjae | enemies to lovers!au
High Hopes by @jaeminlore | FLUFF, baseball player!jeno x reporter!reader
friends to lovers au by @solarhyucks | bulleted scenario
City Lights by @jaeminhours | roommates au, fluff + slight angst
idk u by @rendezvousrenjun | angst + fluff, strangers to lovers
Walk You Home by @dotbammie | fluff
walk you home by @berryjaellie | friends to lovers, fluff
dial 143 by @chxseungyoun | reader x cupid! jeno ft. dreamies
Viscaria by @forehead-enthusiast | Crown Prince!Jeno x Reader, fluff
it’s on! by @jaemericano | neighbor!jeno, college au, enemies to lovers au, very fluffy
the dumbing down of love by @luvdsc | angst, fluff / best friend + college au
Haechan
Candy Jar by @chu-ni | fluff, enemies to lovers
Take Me To Outer Space by @agustdomain | fluff, roadtrip!au, pest-to-lovers!au
the one with the balcony by @mistymark | fluff, enemies to lovers, bed sharing au
untitled Haechan romance by @starxblossom | highschool!AU-ish, hesitant romance, angst to fluff
winter epiphany by @sugarjaee | fluff, angst, enemies to lovers!au, fake relationship!au
i dare you. by @luvdsc | angst, fluff, best friend + college au
Sugar quills by @basicallywhiterice | Harry Potter!au, Hogwarts!au, Slytherin!Donghyuck x Ravenclaw!reader, friends to lovers, one second of angst, fluff
your favorite boy by @hyuckles-chuckles | angst, fluff, bff!haechan, childhood best friends-to-lovers!au, slowburn!au
reluctant by @valentinesicheng | fluff, fake boyfriend!au, high school!au, friends-to-lovers!au, very cheesy
Jaemin
Adventure pt. 2 by @jaeminlore | fluff, minor angst, prince!jaemin
spring melancholy by @guccijaee | fluff, angst, neighbor!au, best friend!au
midnight into morning coffee by @renjunphile | fluff, college!au
my first by @junguws | bff to lovers!au, highschool!au, first love!au
heartbreaker by @valentinesicheng | bad boy!au, high school!au, fluff, angst
campfire glow by @cinanamon | fluff, camp counselor!au, enemies to lovers!au
Chenle
when you love someone by @chittaphoneo | fluff, roommates!au
Tuition and Fees by @starlightkun | prep school au, rich kid au, (fake) friends to (real) lovers au, mostly fluff, mild angst
i still love you by @xiaodejunletsact | high school!au, basketball!player, angst, fluff, you are a bet au??? lol idk 8 letters!au
Jisung
8 letters by @xiaodejunletsact | angst, fluff, highschool!au, baseball player!jisung, childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers lmao
saw you in a dream by @greennct | slow-burn, non-idol!au, soulmates!au
address by @rendezvousrenjun | fluff + humor, friends to lovers!au
Heather by @meraki-mark | angst, fluff; high school!au
#nct#nct dream#nct 127#nct scenarios#nct au#nct dream au#nct fic#nct dream fic#nct fanfic#nct dream fanfic#nct fic rec#nct dream fic rec#nct imagines#nct dream imagines#wayv#nct angst#renjun fic#renjun au#renjun scenarios#jeno fic#jeno au#jeno scenarios#haechan fic#haechan au#haechan scenarios#jaemin fic#jaemin au#jaemin scenarios#chenle fic#chenle au
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picrew tag
this was so cute!! i love this picrew sm, thank you for tagging me @marculees 💕🤧
i'm tagging @gardenpebble @venusinaries @tenw1n @remtaeil @rendezvousrenjun @kunebula and anyone else who wants to do this because it's soso cute and i want to see all the options 🥺
#the art style is so cutee i love this so much 🥺🥺#i'm gonna go make another one because those little figures and fish and monsters they have make me happy 🤧💕#tag game#picrew tag
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