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haileymorelikestupid · 2 years

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Curiosity Killed the Bat

Pairing: Max Phillips x reader

Summary: Max thought he was prepared to finally tell you the truth about what he is. He was dreading it, but he knew it had to be done. He expected the worst. He didn’t expect this.

Warnings/Tags: language, no use of Y/N, soft and not-at-all-cocky Max Phillips

Word count: 1.6k

A/N: Nothing says October to me like writing about a vampire while watching college football to procrastinate doing my actual homework. Enjoy the product of my musings about how tf vampires even work. P.S. This should be gender-neutral and non-descriptive but let me know if there’s anything non-inclusive in here and I’ll make the necessary edits :)

“You’re a what?”

This is precisely why Max didn’t want to tell you. He is a selfish son of a bitch and you are too good for him and he was just trying to hang onto you for as long as he could.

He knew it would come to an end; he couldn’t hide it from you forever, and you’re too good to stay once you know what he is. But he was enjoying the delusion. He was enjoying the illusion that you would actually want anything to do with him. You were the best thing that had ever happened in his miserable life slash not-life. Was it so bad to want to hang onto that?

“Baby, please, I know you might be shocked—”

“Oh shocked is not a big enough word for what I’m feeling, Max Phillips.” And you sound so angry, a tinge of hurt coloring your tone, and Max doesn’t think he can handle this. He’d rather you stake him right now.

“Okay, yes, you’re angry, and you have every right to be—”

“Well I am so glad I have your permission.”

Now he’s panicking. He’s been stressed out since he decided to start this conversation but now he’s really panicking because now he’s being condescending and he wasn’t trying to, seriously, and this is all going even worse than he thought.

Slick, suave Max Phillips is at a total loss.

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. Please believe me. I know I should have told you sooner, but I knew this would happen and I’m a shitty, selfish, monster of a being and I wanted to have you for as long as I could.”

Here it comes, he thinks. Here’s the breakup you expected but never wanted and it’s going to hurt more than you could have possibly imagined. Have fun living with this for a literal eternity.

“Yeah, Max, you should have told me sooner, and I’m not happy that you didn’t.” And now your tone is more disappointed than before and fuck, he’s changed his mind, he’ll take the anger back. Anything but the disappointment.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, okay?!” It’s a desperate exclamation and the Max Phillips of a few months ago would be embarrassed at the lack of control in his words. “I knew this would happen when I told you, I knew you would leave me, and I wanted to put it off for as long as possible!”

There. It’s out. Vulnerability that Max has always struggled with showing itself when it’s too late. Maybe he should have told you how much you mean to him sooner. Maybe it would help him now. He’ll never know, though. Within the next five minutes, you’ll probably be out the door and he’ll be left thinking about what he should have, could have, would have done.

“Leave you? Who the hell said anything about leaving you?”

If snapping necks worked on vampires, he would have just unintentionally ended his own existence with how quickly he turned to look at you. He is utterly baffled, and after multiple attempts the only thing he can get out is a meek, “Isn’t that what’s about to happen?”

“Um, no? Why would I leave you when I have so many questions?” you ask, brow furrowed with genuine confusion etched across your face.

Okay… so you’re not leaving yet? Is that what’s happening? You’ll ask him a series of cliché questions, decide you don’t like his answers or his existence in general, and then you’ll leave?

It gets him a few more minutes with you, right? Better than nothing, he supposes.

“Questions?”

“Yes, Max, questions.”

“I thought you were mad at me.”

“Oh, I’m livid.”

His answering wince must be more obvious than he meant for it to be. Your brows lift just a tad, your shoulders drop, and your voice has lost part of its edge when you speak again. “I’m not mad at you for being a vampire, babe.”

Okay, he seriously has no idea what the hell is going on. Your words are equally as confusing as the use of the pet name.

“Then why are you mad?” He knows it’s a stupid question, yes, but he can’t help but ask it.

You sigh, a small sound, and it’s not even that frustrated. Maybe just… exasperated? Almost fondly so? Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. “I’m mad that you didn’t tell me sooner. There’s so much we could have already talked about!”

And he doesn’t even want to ask, honestly. He knows that you’ll want to know all the gruesome details: how he was turned, does he kill people, all the things that he’ll answer even though he knows it only heightens the chances of you leaving, even if you said you weren’t. “Like what?” he asks, and it’s already so defeated.

“Um, where do I even start?”

And he sighs as you think a little bit, but before he can open his mouth to start telling his story or whatever, you speak again.

“I mean, first of all, just off the top of my head, do you digest blood?”

What.

The.

Fuck.

“I’m sorry?” is the only thing that he can get out.

“Well, it obviously has some nutritional value to you, but how does that work with organ function and all? You’re like, technically dead, right? Except you still have some organ functioning, so… which ones?”

“Which… ones?”

“Yeah, which organs work? I mean the consensus of vampire lore is that your heart doesn’t beat but your brain obviously works. If you need blood as sustenance, is your digestive system functioning, too? Do you have to breathe? What determines which organs you need to stay – well, maybe not alive, but existing? I guess?”

“I am so confused right now.”

“Uh, yeah, me too, Max! Why do you think I’m asking you?!”

His brain is so stuck that he can’t figure out any other response except, “So, you’re not leaving me?”

You do some sort of half-sigh, half-scoff and throw your hands up before letting out an emphatic, “No, Max, I already told you I’m not leaving you.”

“But you’re mad at me?”

“Yes, I’m mad! I could have already been picking your brain about all this stuff and you’ve prevented me from experiencing that joy until now!”

The two of you have just been a few feet apart in his living room this whole time, but now he needs to sit down. He crosses to his couch and collapses on it before burying his face in his palms. He doesn’t need the deep breath that he takes, but the motion makes him feel better. More stable.

The warmth of your body close to his just precedes your careful hand on his shoulder. Your voice is soft and concerned when you say his name.

He knows he should pick his head up and look at you, but he doesn’t feel ready to just yet. He needs just another moment to reorient himself in this conversation before he can face it.

You speak again before he can muster up the courage to say something. “I’m not really mad. I wish you had told me sooner, but I’m not mad at you. I’m just nosy and want to know everything all the time. And I have a lot of questions that the internet isn’t really able to answer.”

He chuckles softly, just a couple of quick exhales through his nose, and he finally feels able to look up and meet your eyes. When he does, he notices the soft smile gracing the corners of your lips and the way your brows aren’t furrowed anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“I know.”

“You’re just so good. Too good for me. And I figured that once you knew what I really was, you’d never want to be with me. I didn’t want to let you go yet.”

“Oh, my love. I’m sorry if I did something to make you think that. You’re everything to me. It might take a minute for me to fully comprehend that you’re a vampire, but I know you, and I have no intention of leaving you.”

God, you’re perfect. It’s the only explanation. You are the most perfect person ever created and he is wretched, but somehow the universe has decided to give him the best thing it has to offer.

He lets his hand float up to your face, lets the backs of his fingers brush over your chin and up until he’s smoothing his fingers over your cheek. His thumb rubs gently over the space just below your eye, and he revels in the warmth he feels below the skin.

What’s two bombshells in one day, he decides.

“I love you.”

Your smile loosens in favor of your lips opening on an exhale, and your eyebrows raise. Your eyes are round and open and gleaming, and if he weren’t already immortal, the way his reflection in them is outlined in fondness would be enough to make him so.

He doesn’t have time to think about whether he should add some sort of qualifier, some sort of statement that you don’t have to feel the same, because he feels the breath of your response against his wrist when you say, “I love you, too.”

A few gentle kisses later, you pull away and your face changes, a slight smirk and a hint of mirth in your eyes as you say, “Okay, so can you answer my questions now? Digesting blood, yes or no?”

His answering laugh echoes through the room, and his non-beating heart swears to always answer whatever you ask.

#max phillips x reader #pedro pascal x reader #max phillips #max phillips fanfiction #bloodsucking bastards #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #max phillips fluff #you watch a campy vampire movie once and suddenly you're writing fanfiction for it #I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT VAMPIRES FOR REAL #i hope all two people who read this enjoy it LMAO #also i didnt proofread because i didnt feel like it so kindly ignore the tragic grammatical errors that are certainly in here #and feel free to let me know what you think of this!#my writing

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harbingersecho · 4 months

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HARBINGER OF CALAMITY, CHARON

#fell star #fell star if #interactive fiction #harbinger of calamity #fell star harbinger #mine #*23 #art #charon #BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD (and his babies the bloodsucking fleshfeasting butterflies)#genuinely i'm worried for them. have they been eating good since i've been gone. my sweet angels.#lüri's cool but the butterflies are the real deal. to ME.#(btw the only reason his name is spelled charon and not kharon is bc kharon is 2 letters away from my name + that's too embarrassing lol)

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redversaillesrose · 3 months

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Honestly the worst thing about vampires is how disgustingly rich they are. Generational wealth on steroids. Yada yada metaphors you are thirsting over a landlord, Carolina.

#Preying on the poor on a whole new level.#Bloodsuckers but not only in the fun way.#And we read mopey tales and feel sad for them? This is the real tragedy.#Oh no my poor little baby blorbo burden with eternity and immense wealth and health and power and ridiculous physical beauty 🥺🥺🥺#AGAIN I know it’s about the metaphors and the symbolism and the representation and the imagery and the cautionary tale and the whatever #I know that. I know it.#Jeff Bezos wrapped in lace and literally drinking our blood is such a ridiculous idea AND YET.#Oh you eat bad people beloved? How very morally right of you now tell me why do we have so many billionaires around?#goth #gothic #romantic goth #dracula #vampire #vampires #dark #vampire literature #capitalism? idk.

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thebloodymutt · 2 months

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So honestly I'm at a stump and I need help.

I have meet people who claim that vampires don't have fangs or abilities.

I meet people who claimed that they did..yet I can find zero information.

The reason I asked this is because, I know for the fact that when I experience these teeth shifts. It always feels like fangs are trying to come out. But it said vampires don't have fangs..I am very confused.

#nonhuman #P-shifter #shifter #real shifter #real supernatural #nonhuman community #shifting #physical shifting #vampires #vampire #bloodsucker

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jvzebel-x · 4 days

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🦋

#im constantly mildly surprised every time im forced to know more about taylor swift #bc shes too boring to attribute any strong emotions to lmao. she elicits nothing from me other than vague disgust.#i mean the jokes are perfect&her lyrics are a special type of shit lmao dont get me wrong.#but shell never be anything other than a loser horse girl w too much money to have any real personality or talent lmao #&she could literally come out as a bloodsucking serial killer&i would still be like #'oh. guess those are boring now.'

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robinette-green · 1 year

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Actually working on Two Hunters and a Bloodsucker today. Here’s a taste

“VILE ROACHES!” The vampire lord flung his hand in a sweeping motion and everyone in the room flew backwards, slamming into the walls. I hit the wall by the front door, Solaris slamming into me with a pained grunt as Leonela hit the stairs and yelped. Lucien flew the furthest, hitting the wall on the far side of the room with a loud smack before sliding motionless to the floor

#glitter rock #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf moon #fnaf sun #fnaf fanfic #sun and moon x reader #two hunters and a bloodsucker #I’m actually getting some real work done on this #hopefully I’ll have the next chapter out soon #then I can work on the next chapter of jesters and dragons

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the-somwthing · 4 months

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Ships I’ve been wanting to write/draw all day

Scott x Joel

Scar x Joel

Hellllpppp I can’t do anything I wanna do I stare blankly at my empty screen instead 😭

#I could draw them. from an au rp. but man. who care about that lol.#both the ships are somewhat canon to the same rp tho lol…#it’s an origins thing. it’s an actual server we play on where we rp them lol. with random origins.#so it would be swarm!scar x enigma!joel x bloodsucker!scott #the romance in that rp is insane btw. if I was trying to describe the ‘love triangle’ that would NOT be the only ships in it #in fact scott/joel only exists in the dream world but the dream world is also real so wtf (don’t ask)#if anyone WANTS to see this stuff. I can make/tell about it. but I simply don’t think anyone wants to. it’s so random.#trafficshipping

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empressofthelibrary · 7 months

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...okay. Thunderstorms aren't really a thing up north, and I know I'm going to miss that if and when I ever get to leave. But y'know what I won't miss?

The goddamn chigger bites and the paranoia every time I get itchy

#i didn't think they were real as a child #i thought they were something my brothers made up bc they didn't want me laying in the grass for some reason #but no. NO. there ARE teeny tiny ALMOST INVISIBLY SMALL bloodsucking insects that will SWARM YOU #and they're SO HORRIBLY ITCHY #it's hell i hate it and i'm constantly checking for new 'freckles'#this post brought to you by the fact that my ankles are still covered in healing insect bites a month later #because the little fuckers got INTO MY SOCKS

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absolutebl · 2 years

Note

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSRMspJJ1/?k=1

Wanna see how you’d react on this one hahahaahah plus the slander they putting on KP world tour lol

Someone really said “they need to pay their bills “ lol

I do not tok the tik, therein lies MADNESS

and ticks

one suspects

#there's a reason this bloodsucking monster hangs out on tumblr #at least the creeps here are LEGIT #and the chaos is REAL not manufactured #tiktok scares me

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quenthel · 9 months

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Had a dream where vampires were real but bc they are ppl not of this world who possess others in the same way one takes control of a video game character n they all turn god mode on so they are indestructible and cheat themselves money etc. And I learned all that bc I was some guy who was dating one of them n she chose to tell me but her friends got mad at her so I just ended up hanging out w 3 vampires n 2 of them fucking hated me and they kept telling at the third vampire all the time for telling me. We were sitting in a car together while this was happening

#quenthel special #the other vampire kept eating pasta dishes and giving me her leftovers... like hand feeding it to me #the bloodsucking thing was also real and i was trying to figure out how it made sense but got distracted by being hsnd fed pasta

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thamechanist · 5 months

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Dealing with my post-con blues in the usual manner: Looking at extremely dangerous, beautiful vampire women and wishing they had me on a lead, keeping me as a pet and having me make things for them

#post-con blues #the brainrot is real #vampire #vampire women #gothic #bloodsuckers #vampire posting #mcm birmingham

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astrabear · 6 months

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Thinking about the Sims economy (because it's Saturday and I don't want to do laundry). It's clearly a market economy, but not really capitalism. Generational wealth exists now (it didn't always; in earlier versions of the game if you moved away from your parents you were on your own. You only got their money if you lived with them when they died) but for the most part Sims make their money by selling their labor. Even at the top of the business career track you're an employee, not an owner.

The petite bourgeoisie exist, but making a living as a small business owner is complicated and difficult. I've never tried, but I don't think it's currently possible to run a business without being actively engaged in some way. You can't just, like, buy a chain of restaurants, hire staff and managers, and sit back and wait for money to come in.

You also can't buy multiple businesses without already being very rich because the Sims economy does not allow credit. You can borrow small amounts of money from an individual Sim and you can get student loans for university, but other than that everything is cash up front and paid in full. You can't make money on investments yourself except in very specific circumstances.

Basically, while there is a wide range of income, Sims society is largely classless. (It helps that it is nearly a true meritocracy with no scarcity. You can succeed in anything up to the limits of your abilities and you're not competing with anyone.)

But next month a new expansion pack is coming out... and this pack will introduce landlords. Not the ones that currently exist, which are NPCs who collect rent and do repairs and otherwise barely exist. No, soon the players will be able to own multiple properties and control other Sims' living conditions and make money through ownership rather than work.

Does EA understand what a profound societal shift this is? Do they realize they are transitioning into a whole new stage in the historical materialist framework? What will the consequences be? Will we ever get a "class consciousness" trait? Does this all end in a revolution expansion pack?

#the real question is whether the vampires will object to a new group of bloodsuckers #the sims #the sims 4 #historical materialism #I could of course choose not to buy it #but come on #how likely is that

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wizzard890 · 6 months

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okay so picture this.

You're a man named Jim Steinman. You are one of the most prolific songwriters of the 80s. In your spirit, output and essence, you are eternally popping a wheelie on a motorcycle while a hot half-naked woman clings to you and bats wheel in the sky above.

You wrote a song in which Meatloaf plays a hideously disfigured hunk who steals a nubile lady back to his crumbling manor and introduces her to the pleasures of magic lesbian group sex.

You wrote a song in which Celine Dion sings as Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights, dancing with Cathy's corpse on a beach in the moonlight; a scene which you, Jim Steinman, believe should have been in the book. (The moors of Wuthering Heights are landlocked, but you, Jim Steinman, are too fucking real to care about that.)

You wrote the song for the opening scene of the movie Streets of Fire, in which evil leatherdaddy Willem Dafoe leads his malefic motorcycle crew into a concert to abduct Diane Lane while she's wearing a skintight satin jumpsuit.

You wrote a song in which Bonnie Tyler wanders a haunted boarding school as literal demon twinks gyrate at her out of the fog.

There is no peak of goth camp that you, Jim Steinman, have not summited, no horny energy you have not tapped. They say that Alexander the Great wept when he saw there were no more worlds to conquer. But you, Jim Steinman, are not Alexander the Great. You, Jim Steinman, are better. You, Jim Steinman, have vision.

You take your most successful song, the song everyone knows, the most big-haired, white dress, gothic arches, doves flying, possessed choir boys chanting, bombastic song you have, and think: what if this, but with vampires.

And so you change the lyrics to be about death and infinity and a powerful bloodsucking lord seducing a girl who is ALL ABOUT IT, and then toss off a whole musical for this song to be the centerpiece to, and the musical is bad but it's also a weird hit that's been staged in fourteen countries and revived seven times, because nothing has ever whipped as campily, as ridiculously, as perfectly as this:

youtube

It never takes off in America. A prophet is without honor in his own land. But that doesn't matter. How could it matter? You are perhaps the most creatively self-actualized man who has ever lived. Look at that vampire. He's coming in hot and a hundred Venetian nuns gave their lives to make his ludicrously capacious lace sleeves. Look at that girl. She was born in a fog machine. She wore her best red velvet cape. She's down bad. She's singing Total Eclipse of the Heart the whole time.

You are Jim Steinman, and you have reached apotheosis.

#reading this post is like doing a line of coke if the line of coke was my entire personality #emily does musicals

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