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nicxl333 · 9 months

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SEPARATE WAYS— GETO SUGURU X FEM!READER

summary: why should he stay with you if you don’t see his way of thinking?

content: fluff, angst, teen!geto, teen!gojo

i won’t lie to you, i didn’t proof read this so mistakes are probably imminent

life used to be so good. specifically when geto asked you out during second year at jujutsu high.

“suguru just do it you pussy. too afraid she’ll say no?”

“stop pestering me satoru. i don’t want to hear shit from someone who can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a week.”

“at least i get girls. can you say the same, loner?”

“you know, i’d insult you, but i’d have to explain it to you after, so forget it.”

gojo held his hands up in defeat, knowing arguing would get him nowhere.

“i’m just saying, she won’t stay on the market forever. who knows, maybe i’ll sweep her off her feet one day.”

and he walked off.

it had been months of geto having a never ending crush on you. the more he saw you the worse it got. not to mention the times you’d be partnered up on missions together. the care you held for his wellbeing especially when he was injured made his heart swell, healed his wounds ten times better than your RCT could ever hope to.

he swore to himself day by day that he’d eventually grow a pair and ask you out. maybe to a movie or a picnic. something romantic where he could truly show you the best version of himself. but when the time would come he would freeze, the common fear of rejection weighing over his body, holding his tongue down.

until he saw gojo actually making a move on you by the classroom door one day, his hand positioned above your head while your back was stood against the wall.

fuck no. fat chance in hell he’d let you be taken from him by the likes of gojo. of all people.

4 long strides was all it took for him to be standing adjacent to you. you turned from gojo to look at his agitated face, staring down gojo. if looks could kill, consider gojo in the morgue.

“oh, suguru, did you need me for something? guess you can give me those class notes some other time then y/n.”

fucking gojo, of course he’d pull some stunt like this.

although geto guessed that did give him the push he needed. actually seeing the possibility of you being taken scared him into actually doing something for once.

“not you dimwit, i need to talk to y/n.”

your eyes widened at this. what could he possibly need you for? little did he know you also had a devastatingly abnormal crush on him too, and you didn’t know if you could handle the proximity as it was, with him towering over you like that.

gojo held out his arms in faux devastation.

“alas, let me go venture for someone who truly cares.” he then winked at you.

trust gojo to be fucking obvious.

it was then brought to geto’s attention it was just him and you.

shit. he’d actually have to say something.

“so. y/n, i was… well i wanted to know if-”

fucking hell was this going well.

you tilted your head at him stumbling over his words. what happened to the confident, headstrong guy you knew and loved relatively liked?

“suguru, are you okay?”

fuuuck. he could’ve actually melted at you saying his name. your voice was so soft and soothing. he had to have you now.

“y/n. i need you to know something. i like you. like really badly. you’re constantly on my mind all day and i wouldn’t want anyone else if they’re not you. i understand if you don’t feel the same and we could just continue as before…”

while he was rambling you stood there shocked at his confession. you couldn’t believe he liked you back this whole time. it almost felt too easy.

“suguru.”

nothing. he was still rambling on. it seemed he was lost at this point. so you did what seemed right.

he paused heavily after feeling a pair of soft, cushioned lips against his own.

you were kissing him? did this mean you felt the same way?

he paused mid sentence and kissed you back, hands gently gripping your waist. you pulled his hair out of its bun and tangled your fingers in his strands, deepening the kiss.

sadly, breathing is a mandatory thing so the both of you eventually pulled back for air.

“does that answer your question?”

“wow. um…yeah definitely.” he placed his hand behind his head before continuing;

“i want to ask you right though, would you do me the honour of going on a date with me?”

you smiled at him brightly, bringing him into a tight hug.

“of course i would.”

—

soon enough one date turned into 3, and that evening, on top of a random skyscraper turned picnic setting, you became geto’s official girlfriend.

everything ran smooth, both parties were happy, and life was good.

until it wasn’t.

when the star plasma vessel riko died, geto’s persona changed. you noticed throughout the year you were dating how he changed, becoming more and more distant by the day, until the geto you once knew and loved was once again no more, only this time in a much more sour light.

nevertheless you stuck by him. 2 long years, hoping that he’d one day wake up and things would return back to normal.

that worked, right up until he grew tired of you. endless arguments and neglect on his part was bound to reach it’s breaking point.

“suguru please, i can’t keep doing this with you anymore. have you just forgotten about everyone who’s ever cared about you. what about satoru? what about me?”

he spared you one glance before turning his head back towards the end of the room.

“tell me this y/n, do you follow my beliefs? do you believe just as much as i do that humanity is scum and deserves to cease to exist?”

“suguru you know just as well as i do that you’re alone in that belief.”

he came closer, lifting your chin up with two fingers so he could look directly into your eyes, his own cold and devoid of emotion.

“so why am i wasting my time with you then?”

your eyes widened. as much as he had turned into a national dickhead, up till now he had never made it seem like your relationship was pointless.

he smirked at you and dropped his fingers from your chin, your head falling forward with them.

“let’s be clear y/n, until you can see it in yourself to take up my values, consider us done. don’t come looking for me. it won’t be friendly as it is now.”

you couldn’t do anything but stand there, confused how things came to be. one thing was evident though. geto wouldn’t change his mind. and with how he just disrespected you, you were reluctant to stay in his presence any longer.

and so, with a heavy heart and desolate mood, you walked away.

away from him and your crumbling relationship.

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mores0 · 5 months

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Okay, so, a scene from Psych that I want to talk about for a moment is from the episode “65 million years off,” where Shawn walks into the morgue(?) with Gus’s old dinosaur head costume, and is basically told by the Chief that

“Okay, so, you’ve always been a bit.. eccentric or whatever, but this is crossing a line- get help.” I’m paraphrasing, but you get the point. And in response, Shawn was like-

“Chief, sometimes you have to need to jump off a cliff. You need to clip yourself to a jumping thing, and leap. So, Chief, will you jump off a cliff with me?”

And, for a moment, she just looked at him in concern. Then she asked him, kind of quietly you know, “Are you thinking about jumping off a cliff?”

And all he said in response was “maybe..” with- a weird smile before he closed the dinosaur mouth and leaving without saying anything else. The next scene was literally an intervention.

And- if I remember correctly, it was right after cases weren’t really coming in, he was told that the police didn’t need him around at the time, nobody was believing his dinosaur theory, and Gus was getting upset.

And, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone ever talk about that, so maybe I’m just- thinking too much into it. (I probably am). But.. yeah. Shawn probably could’ve used that therapy.

Thanks for listening to my rambling, this scene just- stuck with me. Have a great day (:

#shawn spencer #burton guster #burton gus guster #carlton lassiter #juliet o'hara #karen vick #chief vick #65 million years off #psych #psych tv #🍍

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8-dermestid · 26 days

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Hello, I hope you are well! Recently I read a fanfic of yours on Ao3 about Ticci Toby and I fell in love with your writing!! I loved the way you develop the characters and their feelings!! 🤧💕✨

I would like to know if you write for Creepypasta X Virus, it is one of my favorites but there is almost no content online about it 🥹👉🏻👈🏻

Anyway, I saw your requests are open! If the idea pleases you, I would like to ask for headcanons of X Virus and Toby (or just Toby) with a reader who practices magic and has somewhat "dark" tastes (interest in poisonous animals/plants and the supernatural as a whole, in short, just a scary and adorable nerd at the same time!)

Thanks!! 💚

ahh! hello-hello!! i read x-virus' story and took notes for these, i really enjoyed writing Cody, so thank you very much for the request :-]

i rlly liked this request, and this is actually the first time i've ever done headcanon-ish things, i hope you enjoy these (bc i enjoyed writing them a lot)

x-virus & ticci toby: reader with macabre interests

relationships: ticci toby x reader, x-virus x reader

word count: 1.5k

links: available on ao3

x-virus warnings: animal death (off-screen, animal body shown) animal dissection, taxidermy, canon-typical violence

ticci toby warnings: canon-typical violence

☣︎ X-Virus | Cody _____ ☣︎

You let it slip one day that you wanted to try taxidermy, an embarrassing guilty pleasure you were confident you could keep under wraps, but Cody’s just been so nice about your eccentricities and you couldn’t help yourself.

“They use bugs in the process, lots of museums have them to clean the bones because they’re better than the best person with the best tools—” You pace back and forth as Cody watches you from your bed, “—Because that’s all they do, all they do is eat rotting flesh off the bone. The bones last much longer when cleaned by any Dermes—”

You stop yourself from mentioning the insects by their scientific name, embarrassed that you let your ramblings slip away like that.

Cody leaves the next day and you’re left alone with your thoughts. Maybe there’s another mansion full of serial killers so you can start fresh, your ears burn recalling how excited you got talking about flesh-eating bugs.

A few days later, Cody returns to the mansion with a limp raccoon and some things it stole from the local morgue.

You spend the entire night together trying to preserve this creature’s hide, you take it apart with precise motions, expertly moving the scalpel along the skin and parting flesh and sinew. You soak the skin in salts, rubbing it into the bloody underside until you smell like copper and the salt mines.

The whole room smells like formaldehyde, too.

✸ ☣︎ ✸

Cody is so excited to share its books with you, all of them. You spend long evenings together curled over a battery-powered lantern and ten-pound textbooks, occasionally mentioning an interesting tidbit when you come across one. Your books are filled with flattened foliage from the surrounding woods, poisonous plants and flowers, plastic baggies filled with poison ivy leaves, and hand-drawn diagrams of each plant’s internal structures in a ballpoint pen. It flips through each page carefully, examining each specimen, complimenting each note and observation.

“You should open a museum,” It says, running a finger over a pressed Conium maculatum. That snaps you out of your science headspace.

You should, but you can’t. “Besides, who would enjoy a museum like that?” You argue.

“Think about the Mütter Museum,” It quips back, “If people frequent a museum full of pickled people-guts and spines, I’m sure people would go to yours. People like flowers.”

In another universe where violence wasn’t at the forefront of your mind, maybe you’d be the curator of a weird little museum full of oddities.

✸ ☣︎ ✸

“Toby comes here all the time to burn CDs, don’t worry, the cameras stopped working years ago and they never bothered to fix them,” Cody pushes open a window and climbs into the air-conditioned computer lab of the local library, “Just don’t knock anything over, I guess.” It jokes.

You drop through the window and feel goosebumps form on your arms, you haven’t felt air conditioning in years.

Cody unlocks the door leading to the rest of the facility, you walk side-by-side, dragging your fingers over the spines of dozens of books.

“You know the Dewey Decimal System, right?” Cody asks, there’s a thrill with breaking in, especially for pleasure (rather than worrying about killing every occupant in a house, you both can focus on finding a specific edition of a book you were dying to read).

“By heart.” You joke, guiding it to the 500s: Natural Sciences.

You spend five hours squished up together reading from the same book. It points to a diagram and you explain every minute detail, Cody listens eagerly to your explanations, wanting to ingrain every word that comes out of your brilliant, perfect brain, and memorize the way you describe the venom sacs of the Hydrophis schistosus.

The way it rolls off your tongue—Hydrophis schistosus—Cody wants that to be the last sound it ever hears, the sound echoing forever in its brain until the heat death of the universe.

You creep down to the 200s and find a few textbooks about niche religious practices. You tell Cody about the rarity of cannibalistic religious practices, and the prevalence of cannibalism in some movies ticks you off.

“Cannibalism isn’t that common,” You scoff, “It’s more than socially taboo, it’s biologically taboo. Ever heard of Kuru?”

“Tell me.” It begs.

✸ ☣︎ ✸

⦻ Ticci Toby | Tobias Erin Rogers ⦻

Every word that comes out of you flies over his head. Even though he doesn't know a thing about what you’re telling him about, he’s completely and utterly enamored. Toby never graduated high school, and—for the most part—he’s glad he didn’t have to spend any more time around high-school people.

He misses learning. Sometimes Toby thinks he’s stupid, Tim and Brian went to university, and they have high school diplomas with their names on them somewhere, Toby has nothing except an honor roll card from the eighth grade. You’re so brilliant, maybe part of him thinks he’s weighing you down by stopping your ramblings to ask for clarification. He’s so deep in thought he hasn't been paying attention to your talks about the Ghent Altarpiece’s connection to ancient practices of animal sacrifice.

“Does it bother you when I do that—when I don’t know things a-and you gotta explain it to me?”

You’re sitting on the porch together looking out over the rolling fog, he sucks in a breath, the tip of a Marlboro lighting up orange-hot.

“I like it, actually.” You say matter-of-factly

Toby’s diaphragm sputters as smoke spills from his nose, and he coughs hard into his elbow. “...Doesn’t it—But I’m interrupting you because I’m too stupid to get it the first time—”

That word gives you pause, and Toby tosses away the cigarette butt and curls into himself, shame burning hot on his face.

“I don’t think—”

“E-Everyone does,” He cries, “I-I can’t help it, I couldn’t even finish high school. Tim and Brian made it to college, at least.”

You push yourself into his personal space, knocking your knee into his as you lean over to share a secret.

“I can teach you if you’d like.”

Toby’s red-hot shame melts into a giddy flush as your warm breath lands on his ear.

✸ ⦻ ✸

The next victim that comes Toby’s way—a family of three with a prying-eyed teenager getting too close to discovering the mansion—grants you both access to the internet for a time.

You start with Wikipedia, it’s good practice to get bare-bones information that starts the deep dive. Marine Biology is the starting topic because the random article Wikipedia spat out at you was about the bigfin squid.

Toby mumbles aloud as he scrolls through the article, the picture on the right left the hairs on his arms standing on end. Little is known about it because it dwells so deep, and scientists aren’t entirely sure why its distinct long arms are there.

“Nobody knows how it feeds?”

“We know more about space than our oceans,” You say, “We have pictures of the Big Bang.”

Toby rolls back on the wheeled chair and pushes the keyboard to you.

You open a new tab and open the search bar.

COSMIC MICROWAVE BACKGROUND.

He pulls back in, opening the third link that pops up. You sit quietly as he devours an entire article explaining the picture’s existence, he’s vibrating in his chair. Toby continues the search without your input, googling words and finding plenty of pictures of smattered space dust orbiting tiny, dense stars.

The pictures of the black hole shake him to his core, nebulae give him chills, beautiful planets and star systems and moons and—

Alpha Centauri grabs a hold of Toby’s body and keeps him there. He pushes the monitor towards you and you read along with him, he’s shaking with excitement, free hand flapping excitedly as he scrolls through the academic journal.

He prints out a few pictures before the police show up, the cosmic microwave background bathing the room in greens and blues and smatterings of yellows and reds.

✸ ⦻ ✸

He starts stealing books from the library, as do you. You take turns showing and telling. He shows you astronomy books and you show him textbooks about the history of taxonomy; you spend hours sitting across from each other on the floor exchanging knowledge.

“I’m—I’m glad we did this. Thanks for doing all of—of that.”

You peek over an academic journal you’ve read at least seven times, smiling softly as Toby puts his new collection of literature into a box and pushes it into the closet. He piles a few flannels and shirts over the box to camouflage it amongst his dirt laundry.

“Why’re you doing that?”

Toby turns to you and turns away meekly, “...It’s our special thing, you get it? I don’t want anyone getting into our business. This is our thing. Our special thing.”

A warmth creeps up your neck as Toby holds your gaze. You close your journals.

“Babies have more bones than adults.” You whisper, your hand splayed over his shoulder blades, “About three hundred.”

Toby’s breath hitches as your hands warm the spot where his cervical vertebrae end and the thoracic meet.

“H-How many are—” He covers his mouth to cover a shaky breath, “—i-in the spine?”

“There are thirty-three vertebrae. Seven cervical,” You and trails down his back, “Twelve thoracic,” you creep further, “Five lumbar,” Lower and lower you go, “Five sacral,” You’re getting bold now, “...And four coccygeals.”

You hold your hands there, Toby enjoys the warmth radiating from your fingers, he wants to melt into you like watered-down clay (you would call it slip since you know everything). He wants to read books with you for the rest of his life and not do anything else.

He wants you to count every rib, every tooth in his mouth, every bone in his hands and feet—counting and counting and counting until he's dizzy.

✸ ⦻ ✸

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mortuarywriting · 3 months

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We discussed my tagging methods in another server. Please understand

#rambles from the morgue #I think I'm hilarious #No I wasn't drawing everything new on my phone and my tablet was dead #Hope this at least gets a chuckle from ya charlie!

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delulu4anime · 1 year

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Pairings: Illumi x fem!reader

Word count: 5.2k+

Warnings: Breeding (Lol it’s Illumi, it would be against the law not to add a breeding kink), mating press, PIV, slow burn, brief mentions of death (Illumi eventually shows you his crazy side), time skips. Please let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT FOR THE LOVE OF HADES. I started rewatching hunter x hunter and I forgot how much I adore Illumi. This man has me on my knees so quickly even tho he is TOXIC. Stayed up till 8 am writing this story about this sexy bug eyed man cause he deserves it. Yet another fan fiction where I listened to a song and went oh shit it’s this character. Not proof read. Enjoy!

Currently listening to: In the Middle of the night by Ellen Duhé- “I’m getting what is mine, you gon get yours.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You took a deep breath as you stared at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. The bags under your eyes indicated that you had gone a few days with little to no sleep. You couldn't remember the last time you got a good nights rest especially with the impending occasion coming up. There was a light knock at the door and with the turn of the knob your door was opened. Your mother cheerfully walked into the bathroom all dressed up for tonight's dinner. Your eyes drifted to your room which had been disturbed with the evening sunlight pouring, curtains you could've sworn were closed before you dragged yourself in here.

"Darling you really should open those curtains more often. It feels like a morgue every time I come in here," She huffed out.

Ah, so she took it upon herself to open them.

"I brought the necklace I wore on the night of my engagement dinner." She said turning her attention to the dark blue velvet box, setting it gently on the counter.

She quickly frowned upon seeing the state you were in.

"Why haven't you gotten ready yet? You don't look at all delighted; you know how important this dinner is tonight! We've waited twenty years for-"

"I know mother." You quickly said trying to save yourself from the lecture that would no doubt make your family late to the dinner if she rambled on.

You met her strict gaze in the mirror and mumbled an apology as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Her face softened as she walked over to you; her hands finding their way to your shoulders.

"Please try to understand this will make both our families stronger. You were practically raised as a Zoldyck, but we need it to be official." Your mother said as you looked at her reflection in the mirror.

"I grew and trained with Milluki," You said as you shrugged her hands off your shoulders. "Shouldn't I be marrying him instead? I know nothing about Illumi."

You watched in the reflection the way your mother rolled her eyes clearly displeased with your response.

"You are well aware of our agreement that the eldest daughter goes to the eldest Zoldyck son. Honestly darling you act as if this is the end of the world? Your father and I knew nothing about one another and we turned out just fine. Now please get ready, we wouldn't want to keep your husband to be waiting anymore than he already has!" She exclaimed as she made her way out of the bathroom.

You knew that your parents had an arranged marriage like their parents before them. You've lost count of the times your mother would tell you stories about how your father wasn't who she chose to marry but that didn't mean that he didn't eventually become the love of her life. They built an entire life together which lead to the successful artillery business they ran and you. You knew the ties your family had with the Zoldyck's had been strictly business but now that you were of age it meant that bond would be taken from business to family. No matter what your parents told you this was nothing but another business deal to you.

You hadn't always dreaded being married to the oldest of the famous assassins. In fact you recall on several occasions Milluki teasing you for getting lost in thought and scribbling Illumi's name over and over again when you should've been studying up on jobs you'd taken on. However, despite training day and night with Milluki for years you had only laid your eyes on Illumi twice. You were around nine years old when you saw him for the first time. You and Milluki were were practicing ren when Illumi came home from a successful training mission at Heaven's Arena.

You couldn't take your eyes off the way he moved so effortlessly; you punched Milluki for teasing you for staring at his brother for longer than needed. The second time you finally came face to face with Illumi at the age of thirteen. You had learned you were a transmitter with your speciality being in poisons. Although you had successful learned how to use nen Silva knew you had a long way to go before you'd be able to use it flawlessly. He wanted to teach you the important lesson on when to back down from an opponent where success wasn't guaranteed.

You knew Illumi was stronger than you and Milluki combined but you refused to let him believe you were weak. After all you had been training day and night with all the toxins you could get your hands on. You cringed at the memory of Illumi looking down at your defeated body, you groaned as you held onto your side only to look up to meet his emotionless eyes.

"This is all you've been able to accomplish? You are the weakest out of us all. You won't be much use to me when we marry. Train harder or I'll kill you." He said flatly as you watched him turn to walk away not missing the way your heart skipped a beat.

You made a promise to yourself then to get stronger even though you didn't have much of a choice. Not only would you be a disgrace to your family but you'd pay for it with your life. Now at the age of twenty it had been seven years since you had seen Illumi and you dreaded it. You didn't trust your mind or your body around him; all logically thinking out the window when he was near. Although you'd gotten stronger and the training you completed with Mulluki had paid off part of you felt you'd never be enough for Illumi.

Not smart enough.

Not strong enough.

Not pretty enough.

You rolled your eyes knowing you were stalling at this point because this engagement was going to happen whether you liked it or not. And with that you started to get ready for the dinner with your future husband and family in law. Once you showered you wrapped a towel around yourself, walking back to your mirror to quickly do your makeup and hair. You carefully put on your black octavia dress, making sure not to ruin your work. You opened the box your mother had left behind and ran your fingertips over the smooth texture of the pearls. You removed the necklace and put it on yourself. The cool pearls making contact with your warm skin caused you to shiver.

Here goes nothing.

The flight to Kukuroo Mountain was about an hour long; you stared out the window as your parent's reminded you to be on your best behavior as if you were a child. You knew what the Zoldyck's expected of you so you chose to nod every once in a while as if you are paying attention, to give your parents the peace of mind. Before you knew it you had arrived to the testing gate and passed through it with ease. You reached your hand out to pet Mike as he bent down to receive your affection. You and your parents made your way up to the butlers quarters where they escorted you to the Zoldyck mansion. The memories seemed to flood back once you set foot inside. From all the times you ran up and down the halls playing hide and seek with Killua to nagging Milluki to get out of his room for once and train with you. You couldn't help but genuinely smile as you passed by the many portraits of the Zolydck family on the way to the banquet hall. Your parents pointing out the few paintings you were in when you were younger, voicing their joy about how tonight would officially make you apart of the family. As tradition you were seated at the end of the elegant dinning table; you ran your fingertips over the fine wood as you looked to see those around you. Your parents sat to the left of you while the Zoldyck's sat at the right. You sheepishly waved at Milluki who scoffed at you and looked else where. You couldn't help but pout at your childhood friend. Silvia took notice and leaned closer to you.

"He envy's Illumi." He said.

You paused for a moment then looked back at Milluki with wide eyes. Jealous of Illumi? For being engaged to you? You shook your head at the thought of the hidden feelings Milluki had for you.

"He shouldn't." You mumble as you look over to the empty seat next to you.

"Of all the day's to be late!" Kikyo hissed.

The butlers began bringing out courses of the meal out. You were able to start eating when you felt a presence causing you to look to your left towards a door leading into the banquet hall. That's when you saw him. You felt yourself exhale a shaky breath as he made his way over to you. His hair was much longer than the last time you had seen him, he'd gotten taller, and more toned. Yet his dark eyes remained the same and they watched you just as closely.

"Y/n." Illumi spoke as he took his place next to you.

You were at a lost for words as Kikyo chimed in.

"You're late! You left your bride to be waiting!" She exclaimed only to cause Silva to raise his hand to calm his wife down.

Silvia suddenly rose from his seat and cleared his throat. He had prepared a speech about the agreement of a proposal to the two oldest of each family. Illumi stood at one point as his father continued on; he grabbed your hand which caught you off guard. You felt Illumi's cold fingertips slowly slide a sliver band on to your ring finger. You gazed up at Illumi as he held on to your hand a little longer before letting go and returning to his seat. You were going to officially be a Zoldyck. The rest of the evening was filled with your parents talking with the Zoldyck's about planning the wedding and future business deals. But once your mother uttered the word grandchild you couldn't help but start choking on the glass of water you had been drinking. Everyone turned their gaze to you as you coughed; Illumi wrapped his arms around you and helped you stand.

"Excuse us." He said as you both walked out of the banquet hall.

You managed to calm yourself down once you were away from the judgmental stare your parents were giving you.

"I'm fine Illumi," You said as you realized you were still walking so closely to one another. "Really I am. We can go back." You said as you broke out of Illumi’s grasp.

"Would you not like to take a walk with me?" He suddenly said.

"Sure." You finally said after hesitating for a moment.

You walked in silence down the hall and out a door that led you into the courtyard. You took a deep breath of fresh air and slowly exhaled. You looked up at the night sky that glistened with millions of stars. You both stayed silent as the creatures of dusk seemed to come to life; chirping and croaking around you.

"May I ask you something?" Illumi finally said.

"Of course." You said.

"Are you uncomfortable around me?" He asked which made you look over at him.

"Well," You hesitated as you started to fiddle with your ring. "It's been seven years since the last time I saw you Illumi. We haven't spoke much these past few years and you just slide a ring on my finger just an hour ago signifying that we are to be married."

He looked over at you and cocked his head to the side.

"It isn't a surprise to you is it? We've been arranged to get married since you were born." He said plainly as if he were talking about the weather or what he had for breakfast.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that it all happened so fast," You bite your lip knowing you couldn't hold back what you had been wanting to say since you saw him this evening "It's nice to see you again Illumi."

He hummed and stepped closer to you; his fingertips brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

"You've grown up." He said, rubbing his hand lightly against your cheek. "You're quite beautiful and not nearly as annoying as you used to be."

You groaned and pushed his hand away from you as if he was nuisance yet your face heating up said otherwise.

"Way to ruin the moment." You huffed out.

"I can tell you've gotten stronger as well." He said and you nodded your head.

"I've been training hard. There's no shortage of poisonous plants to learn from." You said.

Silence fell between you again yet this time it wasn't uncomfortable. You felt yourself relax as the tension slowly slip away.

"You're more sure of yourself now." He said abruptly.

You paused to think back to all the long training sessions you endured, the painful limits you pushed your body to, and the long nights you'd longed to see Illumi and prove to him that you weren't the weakest.

"I just want to be a good wife for you." You said. "This may be an arranged marriage but I hope along the way you can see me as more than a business deal."

You watch as Illumi picked up your left hand and place a soft kiss onto the silver ring he had placed on your hand earlier. His warm lips were a significant contrast to his cold fingers that held onto your hand. You let go of a breath you didn't even know you were holding watching how gentle he was being with you.

"I've waited for so long to see this ring on your finger. You'll make a fine wife." Illumi said softly.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It had been a month since the engagement became official and you felt like it was all just a fever dream. You hadn't seen Illumi since the night of the dinner and you couldn't help that sinking feeling that had followed you for so many years; was he distancing himself from you again? You couldn't even get your mind off things because the mother's on both sides insisted that the wedding happen immediately. Which also meant your mother forbidding you for taking on any jobs to help with planning; the lack of work and his absence caused your mind to stir. You were in your old room at the Zoldyck mansion, gazing at your reflection as a few maids fixed the long train of the dress your mother surprised you with. You nervously played with the ring on your finger as your eyes traveled to the intricate pattern in the lace, there was something so familiar about the dress but you couldn't exactly pin point what. Your eyes traveled to the tall window that was in the corner of the room where your mother and Kikyo sat at a small table drinking tea. The same table you sat at countless nights looking out into the courtyard yearning for Illumi to come home to you. The maids stepped to the side as you turned to face them, you placing your arms behind your back. You watched as your mother's eyes watered as she stood from her chair and made her way to you.

"What do you think my dear?" Kikyo smiling before taking a sip of her tea.

"It's beautiful." You say as you brought your hands to your sides to run your fingertips over the fabric.

"This use to be my dress,' Your mother said as she grabbed hold of your hands. "And it fits you wonderfully!"

You turned to look at yourself in the mirror once again feeling like a fool for not recognize the dress immediately. Your mother had shown you endless photos of her wedding day and the dress was the focal point of every photo.

"This means so much to me. Thank you mother." You said and smiled at her reflection in the mirror.

"I have a gift for you too my dear." Kikyo said as she made her way over to you.

You turned to see her holding a beautiful silver necklace with a small blue gem dangling from the center. You leaned down as Kikyo placed it around your neck.

"I wore this on my wedding day. A good luck charge from your mother and I." She said as she stood back with your mother to admire you.

You ran your finger tips over the necklace and smiled.

"This is perfect. Thank you both." You said.

The next few hours were spent sitting at the table listening to the two women bicker on who to invite to the wedding of the century they called it. You rolled your eyes and looked over to your door as you watched Milluki walk down the hall looking down at his phone. You excused yourself from the table which was useless because they were both stuck in their own world of wedding planning. You quickly made your way out of the room and chased after Milluki down the hall.

"Hey Luki wait up!" You shouted after him which only caused him to turn around quickly. The irritated look you knew all too well.

"I said stop calling me that stupid nickname." He sneered as he looked down at his phone once again.

You couldn't help but giggle as you followed him into his room. You leaned against the doorway as you watched him walk over to his desk; your eyes widening at the amount of computers that were turned on, each with something different flashing on each screen.

"So what have you been up to?" You ask as you walked over as you looked over at his figurine collection.

"Killua is asking for a favor," He grumbled as he looked up to one of his monitors. "He needs a copy of Greed Island."

"The rare video game?" You questioned as you looked over his shoulder to the screen which caused him to chuckle.

"Papa always said you were too smart for your own good." He said as he looked over his shoulder.

"Smarter than you for sure." You teased.

"Shut up!' He yelled as he turned back to his computer typing away vigorously.

The only thing that filled the room was Milluki's fingertips against his keyboard as he looked into getting more information on the legendary Greed Island for his younger brother. You had wondered what Killua had been up to since leaving to go take the hunter exam; you hadn't been around when he lashed out Milluki and Kiyko but you couldn't help the chuckle you let out when you found out. Being under the same pressure from your families it was inevitable for you and Killua to become close.

"You don't seem too thrilled to be getting married." Milluki suddenly said bringing you out of your thoughts.

"What makes you say that?" You say flatly.

"Your eyes don't light up the same way they use to when anyone mentioned Illumi." He replied, looking between two monitors.

"It's just a lot to take in," You sigh out. "I went from being a kid learning how to become an assassin like the Zoldyck's to becoming an actually Zoldyck by marriage. It's hard being in love with someone sees this as nothing more than a business deal"

Milluki stopped typing to turn to face you again; that irritated looking back in his face.

"You really are stupid aren't you? He may have never said it when you were around but he's made several remarks about you to me. It sickening how he only seems to care about his jobs and you." He turned his chair completely around.

You couldn't help but laugh at the confession, searching in his eyes for the truth. Your smile faded as he stared right back at you and you knew that look all too well.

"Now get out cause I have work to do." He said as he turned back to his work and dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

You hesitated only for a moment then walked out of his room; you turned and looked to see Milluki talking on his phone to Killua if you had to guess.

"Thank you Luki." You whisper to yourself and with that you took your leave.

Before you knew it the evening turned into night fall and Kikyo was pleading for you to stay, trying to reassure you that Illumi would be back soon. You agreed thinking back to what Milluki had said earlier. After saying your goodbyes to your mother you returned to your room to find the maids making your bed and bringing a few of your belongings you had left here when you traveled between your home and the Zoldyck's. You thanked the maids as they bowed and left the room. You let out a long sigh as you threw yourself onto the bed as you listened to the clock on the wall tick away the minutes wondering when Illumi would be home; your hand brushed over the fabric of your t-shirt around your stomach as the butterflies seemed to dance around gleefully. Here you were again waiting and yearning for Illumi; aching for his gaze, his touch, and his words to overwhelming your senses. You sat up quickly at the idea of a game; a game that you dominated when you played with Milluki. Assassin 101: tracking and locating your target. If Illumi wanted you as much as Milluki said he did then prove it. Game on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You sighed, rubbing the soreness out of you neck, and clocked out for the day. It had been a year since you left everything behind to test Illumi; what better way to prove his worth than a game of hide and seek. If he successfully found you then Milluki was right and you'd happily go through with the wedding, if he didn't seek you out then you had a fresh start to live your life free of the expectations of everyone. You had gotten an office job which was quite an adjustment from what you had been trained to do originally. However, doing work as an assassin didn't require long hours behind a desk staring at a monitor.

You lost count of how many times you had to stay overtime to finish a team project. It was finally Friday which meant your coworkers attempting to get you to go out to a local bar but you yet again declined their invite and opted for a another night in with dinner from the convenient store. Your heels clicked against the concrete, a breeze hit your skin causing you to shiver. You walked faster, holding onto your paper bag tightly and cursing yourself for forgetting your sweater back at the office. Luckily the convince store wasn't a far walk from the apartment.

Going into hiding meant getting a new identity and with a new life meant new struggles; applying for jobs and apartments with no credit or job history under the new identity proved to be a challenge but you came out victorious in the end. You walked up the flight of steps to your apartment; you smiled and greeted your elderly neighbor as you put your keys in the lock. You promised to go visit her soon to keep her company while she ate dinner and watched her weekly tv drama. You walked in as you told her goodnight, closing the door behind you with your foot, and reached over to turn on the lamp that sat on a side table. You tossed your keys along with your heels haphazardly on the table and floor.

You walked through your small living room that connected to your kitchen. You set your bag on the counter and putting your food to the side. You suddenly froze in place as an uneasy feeling came over you; you could recognize that blood lust from anywhere. You slowly turned to Illumi standing in your living room playing with one of his many nen needles in his hand. His lips slowly curved into a smile that you had never seen grace his face before.

"So this is where you've been hiding all this time," He said as he started to walk over to where you were. "I'll give you credit this is just inconspicuous enough to make it hard to track you. Not to mention using zetsu to conceal your presence." He chuckled to himself.

You braced yourself against the counter as he stood in front of you. He grabbed your face with one hand as he lightly pressed his needle against your throat with the other.

"You actually found me?" You asked dumbfounded which only made him scoff. He actually came looking for you, and you welcomed the butterflies that swarmed in your stomach.

"Do you know how many people I had to kill just to see you again?" He asked as he leaned in close enough for your lips to graze one another's.

"It took you long enough." You breathed as you looked into his eyes.

He cocked his head to the side as if he was confused but you could tell by the rest of his body language that this little hunt excited him. He removed his nen needle from your neck and took a step back. Silence fell between you both as the tension grew. You could have sworn Illumi could hear your heart beating out of your chest from where he stood. Here he was after a year of being apart and better yet he sought you out. Without thinking you grabbed onto Illumi and crashed your lips against his. He immediately moved his hands to your hips, his grip would leave bruises no doubt but you didn't care. Without breaking the kiss he lifted you onto the counter, his hands leaving your waist for a brief moment to wondered up to your blouse; he ripped it open effortlessly as the buttons flew off hitting the counter beside you or the floor. He started to kiss his way down your jaw to your neck causing you to sigh. You felt his hands slowly move back to your waist, pushing your skirt up, as he started to place open mouth kisses on your neck. You let out a soft moan as he found your sweet spot close to your ear.

"Drove me crazy looking for you." He breathed into your ear. "Hiding what was promised to me since birth."

"Needed proof you were serious about this. About us." You softly said as your fingers found their way to his hair.

"Proof? You needed proof that you're one of the only things that's been on my mind for years," he huffed out. "You and this." He said as he pulled your damp panties to the side and easily slid two fingers into your cunt.

He moved his fingers in and out of you agonizingly slow; you hated the way he teased you.

"Please Illumi." You whimpered out as he chuckled pulling his fingers out of you.

He stepped back to look at you, eyes darkening at you disheveled form. You hair in disarray, your blouse ruined just enough to show off that lace bra, and your skirt bunched up around your hips. He watched your chest rise and fall as you pant . This was what he had chased after. This is what he wanted, no needed. This was his wife. He smirked as he turned on his heel and made his way to your couch. Your eyes followed the way he gracefully sat down and spread his legs; he lifted his hand and motioned for you to come to him. You quickly got off the counter and made your way over to him but before you could touch him he stopped you.

"Strip." He said plainly.

You kept your eyes on him as you removed everything one by one till you stood in front of him naked. You wished you were embarrassed about being completely nude with eyes looking you up and down; his eyes looking at you like you were his prey. He leaned back into the couch and you stood in between his legs. He patted his lap and you couldn't help but let your eyes wonder to his crotch. His facial expression read as if he disinterested yet his cock straining against his pants said otherwise. You climbed on top of his lap and placed your hands on his shoulders. You felt his cold hands run over your sides and down to your hips once more giving a light squeeze; he chuckled at the gasp you let out. His hands moved away from your hips briefly as his hands made quick work of freeing his aching cock. You lifted your hips as he lined himself up to your entrance. You slowly lowered yourself down onto him, both letting out a moan as he bottomed out. His large hands moved back to your hips as you started to move up and down against him. You soon found your rhythm, closing your eyes taking in the feeling of his cock; he leaned up placing soft kisses against your neck.

"Fuck Illumi I've wanted this for so long." You moaned out.

Suddenly you were flipped onto your back as his hands moved under your thighs and pushed them to your chest. Without hesitating he started to pound into your pussy with hard, deep thrust. You let out a loud moan as your eyes rolled to the back; your hands grabbing onto the fabric of the couch to steady yourself.

"This is finally mine. All mine.' Illumi huffed out as he watched the way his cock bullied your pussy. "Isn't that right?"

"Yes." You managed to moan out as you felt yourself already nearing your climax.

"Going to give me the next Zoldyck heir like the good little wife you are." He said which caused your eyes to shoot open.

You watched as he moved one of his hands against your stomach putting pressure causing both of you to moan in sync.

"You're going to make me a father aren't you?" He said and you frantically nodded your head to cock drunk to object.

"Yes Illumi, please." You begged. "Want to be your good little wife."

You felt his fingertips travel to your clit and rub harsh circles as his hips continued on his brutal pace. You threw your head back and moaned Illumi's name as you reached your climax.

"What a good girl you are." Illumi cooed as his eyes traveled to the white ring around his cock.

With a few more sloppy thrust Illumi finished inside of you as you both panted. He pulled out of you and watched his cum slowly seeping out; he ran his slender fingertips along your slit just to shove his fingers inside you to keep it all inside.

"I'm taking you back home tonight. We are to be married tomorrow. We've kept each other waiting too long." He flatly said which caused you to laugh.

"Anything for my soon to be husband." You hummed.

#hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter smut #smut #fanfiction #fanfiction smut #anime smut #hxh #hxh smut #illumi zoldyck #illumi hunter x hunter #Illumi smut #Illumi Zoldyck smut #lemon #delulu4anime

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safedistancefrombeingsmart · 1 year

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((click pics for full size))

Do you sometimes read a fic and it just won’t leave your thoughts afterwards? (it happens way too often, thb.)

The current culprit is

I Knew Him First by LipstickDaddy ( @gaylilsherlock here on tumblr)

which has such a powerful ending and left me speechless and a bit heartbroken. I don’t want to spoil anything, it’s best that you read it yourself- it’s not even that long. But we warned: it’s rather angsty and couldn’t be further away from being fluffy or hopeful or light-hearted. Bring some tissues, maybe. You’ve been warned!

@gaylilsherlock was kind enough and let me borrow some lines of dialogue from the fic.

Plus, I also always wanted to see John in handcuffs. 😏 People who follow this blog for a while know that I would kill for John and defend him against everything. But yea, the beating in the morgue should have had (more) consequences. I don’t believe that John belongs in jail, he needs therapy and help and love and I started rambling now.

Anyways, enjoy your broken hearts!

#john watson #greg lestrade #martin freeman #bbc sherlock #sherlock bbc #fic recs #kind of lol #gaylilsherlock #my gfx2

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minimorgana · 8 months

Text

Rambling about Ace Hardy:

To me, Ace saying "I believe in being true to yourself, even at the risk of being misunderstood" is one of his most character defining lines in the series. It's cool to think about this quote after finishing the series and knowing everything we do about Ace.

Even though at the point of him saying this we haven't seen the full extent of the conflict with his dad, in retrospect, we can understand that Ace is likely thinking about his dad in some sense when saying this. Yes, he is saying this to Laura and in response about leaving Horseshoe Bay, but it extends to so many aspects of his life and character.

Ace is well aware that his dad doesn't understand or respect where he currently is in life, but he doesn't try to change himself to make his dad understand him. No matter how much he wants his dad's approval, he doesn't compromise who he is. He knows that will only lead to him living a life that isn't really his. What his dad sees as laziness is Ace having not found his purpose and not wanting to force himself into a box before knowing if he will fit.

Ace values being true to himself, and he values this trait in the people he surrounds himself with. This is at the heart of the conflict between him and Nancy in season 2, and I think it might give some perspective to why he struggled to find a solid group of friends before the Drew Crew.

We all know that high school is a difficult time for self-identity and finding yourself, and this has been affirmed through Nancy's character and her high school friends. So I think Ace struggled to make meaningful friendships with people who weren't necessarily being true to themselves (speaking from experience, this is something I struggled with in high school, and it was aggravated by questioning my own sense of self and hiding parts of my identity).

But for the most part, once the layers of secrecy at the beginning of season 1 are removed, I think Ace realizes that this group of people try their hardest to be true to themselves, despite some slip ups.

Nancy could easily leave the mystery solving to the police and stay out of trouble, but she values truth and justice, and she knows it is her responsibility to find those things. Bess values family, whether it is biological or found, and she strives to do right by the people she loves, even if it costs her. George has been known as the town screw up but for the most part, she ignores the labels others put on her and works hard to build a life for herself and her sisters. She knows she is more than their labels for her. Nick is driven by his desire to help and protect people. We see him stay true to himself most clearly when he tells his mom he's staying in Horseshoe Bay, that he has a purpose in this town and he's been planted there for a reason.

That was a long winded way of saying that Ace has finally found people who try their hardest to push away the opinions of other people and stay true to themselves.

For a moment, I was thinking about this quote in line with him telling Nancy he isn't lacking anymore after getting his apartment and starting to work at the morgue. Because if this is the code he lives by, then why would he do these things just for someone else's approval? But then I realized that he isn't. He's had an interest in medical and forensic examination since season 1 when helping examine Lucy's bones. And I think he's been ready to move out of his parents house for a while. He just needed a push to do those things and his insecurities tell him that he has to prove to Nancy that he is good enough for her. But the things he chose to do are still true to who he is.

So yeah, I really just love this quote and think it sums up who Ace is and we can see it reflected in everything he does throughout the series, even up to the very end.

P.S. Another good example of him living by this code is when he visits Mr. D and tries to understand why he made the choice he did. Part of him knows that if Nancy ever found out, she wouldn't be happy about him befriending her dad while she is very mad at him. But he does it anyways, even at the risk of being misunderstood. Because to him, he's doing what is right.

#ace hardy #ace nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancy drew #ramblings #i don't know if any of this makes sense but i just love his character so much #there are so many things about him i relate to

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thatsthewrongwallcraig · 9 months

Text

Track Marks And Dial Tones II

Summary: You promised Clay to get him help but for that, the two of you still need to make it through the night…

Pairing: Clay Roach x fem!cop!Reader

Word Count: ~2.7k

Content Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat 18+!, Major Hurt/Comfort, Still Angsty, The Slow Burn Is Slowly Burning Y'all, Kinda Calm And Domestic Vibes For A Treacherous Second, Talk About Rehab, Talk About Track Marks, Brief Mentions Of Other Substances (Painkillers And Alcohol), Talk About Past Self-Harm, Clay Still Being Miserable, Crying, A Short Sloppy Make Out Session In The Shower, Smutty Cliffhanger 😬

A/N: I actively lost my mind over this, y'all. Major shout out to @cc-luvr for listening to my demented rambles and proofreading this stuff 🫶🏻

Find Part I and Part III here!

Tagging the horde:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @r0ttenmess @doddernix @svgarcaine

You are all I need

You're all I need

I'm in the middle of your picture

Lying in the reeds

I am a moth

Who just wants to share your light

I'm just an insect

Trying to get out of the night

- All I Need By Radiohead

You knew that you should just hand in your resignation at the Boston PD by now, kiss your badge goodbye and face the fact to get demoted to filing parking tickets again. The second someone just got so much as a whiff of you taking your informant in at your own home would have you suspended in absolutely no time whatsoever. Anyhow, that train of thought had to wait while you scooped a hastily put together grilled cheese sandwich from the pan to a small plate and placed it onto your kitchen table right next to a cup of hot chocolate.

"I know, it's not strawberry milk but basically the next best thing now, no?" You tried to sound a little cheerful although there was nearly no energy left inside of you.

Hauling Clay out if his hellhole of a flat had been hard enough on both of you since he practically broke down crying anew every few steps down the way. Only when you'd put on the heating and the radio in your car did Clay calm down eventually.

Before answering to you, Clay just looked at the food with wide eyes, his form hardly more than a weak silhouette slumped in your kitchen chair. In that moment it dawned on your sleep-deprived mind that he probably hasn't had a real home-cooked meal in god knows how long. While you wouldn't even really call a grilled cheese sandwich home-cooked, it meant the world and more to Clay, who still just stared at it, seemingly hypnotized by the token of hospitality in front of him.

"Thank you…you didn’t…it wouldn't have been necessary." He expressed his gratitude with a sore voice and looked up to you as you took a seat in front of him, your own late-night snack in hand.

"But I wanted to.", You smiled at him softly but with obviously very tired undertones, "Now, please, dig in."

Your invitation to take a bite of the sandwich had hardly left your lips as Clay already munched down on it.

"Please don't choke yourself, okay? I said I'd drive you to rehab first thing in the morning, not the morgue." It rolled over your tongue in an upright and honest chuckle.

"It's kinda the same thing, depending how you look at it." Clay snarled back, the sarcasm heavy in his voice.

"Oh, c'mon now.." You arched your brows at him while taking a much needed bite out of your own sandwich.

"Sorry…" Clay broke from your gaze with an apologetic expression on his face before downright devouring the cheese-stuffed toast and chugging down the cup of hot chocolate, seemingly unbothered by the possibility of burning his mouth with the fresh from the stove liquid.

"That good?", You asked in between bites, the crunchy and creamy texture of the warm sandwich feeling like a near orgasmic experience to your whiplashed senses, "Do you need anything else? Painkillers…alcohol…whatever really?"

"No, not…not yet." Clay shimmied around in his chair a little, "I'm kinda cold though.."

"Maybe a hot shower would help with that? No offense, Clay, but you could use one.." You suggested, eating up the last bits of your sandwich.

"I know.", He reciprocated dryly, "But.."

"But what?" You inquired calmly, taking a deep drag from your steaming cup of coffee.

"The last time I tried, I got heart palpitations, fainted and nearly smashed my head on the fucking tiles.." For the blink of an eye you just stared at him with a deadpan expression on your face.

"Do you need help with that then?" Your question was sincere.

"Fuck off, I'm not a toddler that needs to be mothered." Clay pursed his lips as he started chewing on the insides of his cheeks, crossing his arms in front of his chest in resignation.

"I never implied that, Clay. You asked for help and I am offering it to you. Simple as that." You knew all too well that the current situation you found yourself in was everything but simple, however, that was a problem for sometime tomorrow.

"I'll just be there, making sure that maybe you won't flail out of my shower head first." You suggested while looking at him, waiting for an answer.

It took a good moment of silence for him to redirect his eyes towards yours right before he mumbled: "I'm….I'm embarrassed. My body.. is- is not in a good condition, shocker, I know."

"Clay…", You sighed after taking another sip of coffee, "An hour ago, I pulled a needle from your arm. There's nothing you'd have to be embarrassed about, I promise you."

In a nervous, clearly still unsure motion, he rubbed his palms together, pulling the hem of his sleeves up to his knuckles.

"Promise?" He furrowed his brows and bit down on his bottom lip.

"I promise." You assured him, "How about you go upstairs? It's the first door to the right and I get you some fresh clothes from my wardrobe while you make yourself as comfortable as you can, hm?"

"I guess we can try that." You knew it was the best you could get out of him about that and you acknowledged it with a nod while scooting away from the table.

"I'll be with you right away, yeah?" You smiled at Clay before putting both plates in the sink and taking the stairs towards your bedroom.

At this point, you just left him to himself for a moment. Sure, you thought about him taking his chance and running. Maybe the next thing you'd hear would be the slamming of your front door but that would be his choice then. A choice you wouldn't take from him, there was no use to that. Clay was here on his own accord and you left it up to him to show you that he really wanted this.

While you pulled a long-sleeved shirt from the bottom of your wardrobe's drawer, accompanied by one of your oversized sweatpants, you felt your heart thrashing against your ribcage. Your ears were picking up every possible sound and you couldn't help yourself but to wish that he wouldn't do anything stupid. The pent-up breath leaving your lungs in a heavy sigh as you heard the creaking of the stairs should've given it away to yourself, practically rubbing it into your face that Clay had grown important to you, but you chose active denial instead.

"There should be a leftover toothbrush on the shelf above the sink if you want to use it!" You called down the hallway, folding the clothes into one neat pile before getting up from the carpet floor of your bedroom.

"Noted." Clay answered back after stepping into your bathroom, not fully closing the door behind him.

Before stepping in after him you gently knocked.

"Can I come in?" You asked in a soft tone, leaning your shoulder against the door.

"Uh-Huh." He mumbled in return, the toothbrush already between his jaws.

Steadying yourself with a deep breath, you pushed the door open slowly, the pale skin of Clay's back facing you.

You tried your best not to stare like a total idiot, but the way you could practically count his ribs and the intervertebral disks of his spine up to the nape of his neck had you stunned for a second. Tearing your gaze away from him, you placed the clothes on top of the laundry bin right next to the door and sat down on the closed toilet seat beside the sink, getting yourself out of your PJ pants first.

Up until that moment, you didn't waste a second thought about your own body in this whole scenario but as the soft fabric of the pants pooled on the tiles in front of you, the discomfort shot as a hot wave into your cheeks. Clearing your throat a little, you silently stared down on your thighs, faded out, thick scar tissue ogling right back, mocking you in a way.

"How about…", Clay spat out an amalgamation of saliva and toothpaste, leaning his hands against the sink, "You just stare at me for a moment while I do the same. Get it over with."

"Yeah, hold on…", You pulled the PJ top off, too, leaving you in your underwear. "Now it's fair.."

Your eyes traced the trail of self-induced scars up to your navel before you raised your head back to Clay.

"What happened?" He asked bluntly, turning himself to you, vulnerable and exposed, the waistband of his shorts sitting loosely on his pointy hip bones.

"I could ask you the same." You chuckled dryly, your eyes wandering over his torso, ribs poking through just like his collarbones.

"Life, I'm afraid." He responded in an equally dry tone.

"Same here.", You shrugged your shoulders a little, "How about we put some antiseptics on the puncture sites? They look like they could use some. I have a bottle in the drawer to your left."

With a short nod Clay opened up the drawer, pulling out not only said bottle of antiseptic lotion but also a still wrapped shut set of razor blades.

"The monsters still live in the closet, huh?" He put the package back as fast as he'd pulled it from the drawer.

"They never really moved out, no." You confessed, gathering a few pieces of toilet paper to douse it in the disinfectant.

"I wonder if they ever do." Clay sighed, inhaling sharply as you caressed the plentiful of his track marks with the improvised paper swab.

"Thank you…" You pat every little inch on the inside of his elbow carefully.

"For what?" Clay sounded thoroughly confused.

"For trusting me, shitbum." You said in return, throwing him a faint yet upright smile.

"Uh, sure…" He shrugged it off while you dumped the soggy toilet paper into a trash can underneath the sink.

"Now let's get into that shower, no?" You nudged your head towards the shower.

"Yeah, uhm…", Clay's eyes darted down to his shorts, "Should I…I mean..?"

"Whatever you are comfortable with." You got up and stepped underneath the shower head, fumbling with the faucet handle to not just drench the both of you in ice cold water.

"Uh, okay…" He mumbled, deciding to leave his boxers on before cautiously following you.

"Is the temperature okay for you?" You reached out to gently grab his hand by the wrist, holding it under the softly flowing stream of warm, but not exactly hot water.

"A bit more, maybe? I don't wanna burn you but I feel like I'm freezing." He asked hesitantly.

"Sure, don't worry about me, okay?" You pushed the handle a little more to the left.

"How about now? That better?" A wave of significantly warmer water hit your front and the palm of his hand.

"Yeah…" Clay smiled contentedly whilst stepping into the flow of water coming from above.

A long, low humm of comfort left his lips while you watched him closely as the water soaked his unkempt hair and cascaded down his body.

"Fuck…that feels good." He sighed with eyes closed, his hand now holding on to yours for guidance.

"Good, I got you, yeah?" You carefully wrapped your fingers a little tighter around his, slowly crouching down to pick up a bottle of shampoo.

You let him soak in the heat of the water for a while before you asked: "Mind taking just a little step towards me? I think we should take some care of that hair if yours, no?"

"Sure…" Clay blindly stepped out of the frequent stream, now just standing inches away from you.

With your free hand you unscrewed the bottle and tilted it over the crown of his head until a big dollop of shampoo oozed out of it.

"Am I going to smell like flowers and berries now?" He chuckled whilst you put the bottle back down and started lathering his scalp with tender, circular movements of your fingertips.

"Actually…" You started, his comment eliciting a short laugh out of you as well, "It's mint and green apple scented."

"Oh, I can get behind that." He murmured, his face clearly telling you how much he enjoyed you soaping up his hair right now.

"Well, it's not like you really got a say in this, huh?" You returned, delicately letting go of his hand to put both of yours to use throughout his knotted hair.

"Yeesh, we'll need a lot of conditioner to tame that mess." You noted with slightly pursed lips.

"Conditioner now, too, yeah? Gon' be the best smelling lowlife in rehab tomorrow." At first you smiled but soon enough the reality of his comment hit you deep down again.

For an innocent, foolish moment you simply forgot about it, had allowed yourself to get carried away.

You tried your best to not sound too taken aback as you uttered: "So, you really want it?"

At that Caly also lost his faint smile and you deeply regretted every word that just left your mouth.

"Fuck, sorry…" You whispered to him, feeling sorry for the both of you for bluntly trashing the moment like that.

"No, stop…it's okay.", With his hair full of bubbly shampoo, Clay took another blind step towards you, nearly bumping into you, his arms clumsily wrapping themselves around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder, "It's a valid question and the answer is yes."

For seemingly endless seconds your severely overworked brain oh so desperately tried to compute what was happening.

"Are…are you hugging me right now?" You stammered awkwardly.

"Kinda looks like it, no?" Clay answered, wrapping his arms closer around you as if to prove his point.

"Oh-, okay, cool…", You felt your mind gradually losing the plot, being so utterly stunned by his display of affection, "Let's…how about we rinse that shampoo out now." Trying to regain your composure, you cupped his hips with your hands, gently guiding him back underneath the steady flow of steaming, warm water.

"Yeah, sure…" It bubbled out of his mouth as you watched the shampoo residue slowly trickling down the drain.

Yet again, Clay rested his chin in the crook of your neck, his face slightly tilting towards your collarbone. In this very moment you felt his lips brushing over your skin, his wet hair falling across your shoulder and it led you to forsake all rational reason for good.

In a moment of unadulterated senselessness your hands cupped his face, pulling it up to yours to press a painfully longing kiss to his lips.

"Fuck…" Clay huffed right before reciprocating the kiss, practically shoving himself onto you, tightening his hug around your lower body.

"Shit, fucking hell…no.. we shouldn't-" You rambled into his mouth.

"I know but fuck that." He groaned nonchalantly.

#rory culkin #city on a hill #clay roach x fem!reader #clay roach x you #clay roach x reader #clay roach #clay roach smut #Track Marks And Dial Tones

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