#psychosis survival guide
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My Psychosis Survival Guide
Things from my coping box that might benefit you too. Like any other skill, many of these things can be used to help any other mental health problem. This is just my own list of things I use in addition to seeing my pdoc and taking my meds:
Art
Grounding is my first and most effective coping skill. Among the skills in the grounding category, coloring and doodling are my favorites (bonus if you can color-in doodles you've made yourself) but any art will do, like painting or making collages.
This can distract you from hallucinations and keep your mind occupied to stop dwelling on paranoid or delusional thoughts. Art therapy is known to reduce anxiety and depression too, which is common with psychotic disorders.
Instrumental music
LoFi is my favorite. Something calming can reduce anxiety and help you rest or sleep, which is good for a brain bombarded with the psychotic experience. Lyrics can sometimes trigger unwanted thoughts and some people even find that the lyrics change and suddenly have special meaning, so this is avoided with instrumental music.
Some LoFi music has other sound effects which can help auditory hallucinations to blend in and be less intrusive. Cafe vlogs are excellent for this, as they have a background of people talking and kitchen appliances being used which disguise mild and pesky hallucinations.
Putty
It can be Silly Putty, Thinking Putty, or whatever you can find. Some of them change colors, some of them are even scented. This is excellent grounding. It involves your senses and you can completely turn off your brain and just play with it in your hands. It's also great as a fidget tool.
Letters to yourself
Writing letters to yourself while you're in a good and healthy mindset can be valuable to look back on while in a psychotic episode. Give yourself a pep talk. Remind yourself that this is real life, remind yourself of why these thoughts are irrational and why you really can trust your friends and family, etc.
I find it useful to write about past delusions, so that when similar ones happen, I have "proof" that this is unreasonable and I'm less likely to fall for it (nothing is perfect. sometimes I'll still believe the delusion despite everything, but it helps)
A list of people who can help
Keep a list of friends or family who are aware of your diagnosis and who are ready to help you if you're struggling. Keep the numbers to these people in case you chuck your phone. Also include the numbers to your doctor, therapist, social worker, or anyone else you may need to reach when you're unable to use your own phone. (It's also good to have these listed in case you get hospitalized and are unable to have your phone)
Also if you're dealing with paranoia around your phone, some people find it comforting to use WhatsApp because it's encrypted unlike text messages.
I hope these are helpful
#psychosis survival guide#schizospec#schizophrenia#schizoaffective#psychosis#mental illness#coping skills#mental health blog#221bluescarf.txt
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hey do you have an antipsych reading list or anything like that? i’m trying to learn more about the topic. thank you!
yes!! This is more a list of mad studies books than like, sociological theory from the 60s because disability justice + mad pride is more what I vibe with, but if you want some more in-depth theory recommendations I can do that as well. blanket trigger warning that all of these books discuss psychiatric abuse, institutionalization, and many of them candidly address topics of suicide, mental distress, and sexual assault. If anyone wants more specific trigger warnings please feel free to ask!
Books:
The Collected Schizophrenias by Esmé Weijun Wang: This book is a fabulous collection of essays based on the author's own experience of schizophrenia, and explores the complexities of diagnosis and institutionalization.
Brilliant Imperfection by Eli Clare: This book is incredibly important to me and explores the concept of cure, what it means to have anti-cure politics, and all the nuances of cure. Truly a beautifully written book and I really recommend it.
Disability Incarcerated: Imprisonment and Disability in the United States and Canada edited by Liat Ben Moshe: This book is an amazing exploration of institutionalization and incarceration from so many different perspectives, including the special ed to prison pipeline, segregation, psychiatric medicine within prisons, and how institutionalization functions as incarceration. This book can be challenging to read as a psych survivor, but I highly recommend it.
How to Go Mad without Losing Your Mind: Madness and Black Radical Creativity by La Marr Jurelle Bruce: I highly recommend this book. It really delves into complex meanings of madness, how that's tied to radical tradition, aesthetics, art, liberation, so much more, and also really engages mad studies and Black cultural studies.
Mad in America: Bad Science, Bad Medicine, and the Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill by Robert Whitaker: I think this book can be a good foundation for learning the history of psychiatry in America in particular, and although I don't necessarily vibe with everything in this book, I think it is still absolutely worth reading and engaging with critically!
The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease by Johnathan Metzl This book does a really good job looking at the history of psychosis in the context of the United States, the civil rights movement, and how pyschosis diagnoses connects to eugenics and slavery.
Asylums: Essays on the Social Situation of Mental Patients and Other Inmates by Erving Goffman I have not actually read this yet, but it is a classic and it's been on my reading list since @bioethicists recommended it to me!
Open in Emergency: DSM II: Asian American Edition edited by Mimi Khúc This collection of essays has so many different fabulous perspectives on mental health, disability justice, community, and resistance.
Miscellaneous:
Girls do what they have to do to Survive: Illuminating Methods used by Girls in the Sex Trade and Street Economy to Fight back and Heal by the Young Women's Empowerment Project I'm including this on the list even though it might not connect as clearly to antipsychiatry as some of the other titles, because reading this was transformative to me for understanding my own experiences and the ways in which social services like the medical system are not our friends. I also view liberatory harm reduction as essential to building alternatives to psychiatry and YWEP is so completely foundational and groundbreaking in many ways.
Harm Reduction Guide to Coming off Psychiatric Drugs
Cutting the Risk: Harm Reduction and Self Harm I want to add an extra trigger warning for in-depth discussion of self harm and anatomy, including anatomy diagrams.
Asylum Magazine
Mad In America Website--this can be a good place to keep up with psychiatric news in America.
This is very much not a complete list, so followers PLEASE add on!
#antipsych#antipsychiatry#mad studies#mad pride#disability studies#disability#mental health#and obvious disclaimer that i don't agree with 100 percent of every page of all these books#approach these critically and take what works and leave what doesn't!#okay to reblog
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Alice Liddle: American McGee's Alice
MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: THESE GAMES AND THIS POST WILL BE DISCUSSING THEMES OF S.A, PEDOPHILIA, MURDER, MENTAL ILLNESS, SELF HARM, PROSTITUTION, AND MEDICAL ABUSE.
Alice Liddle of American McGee's Alice and its sequel, Madness Returns, is a severely mentally ill character in the games she stars in. She endures trauma after trauma, with next to no assistance, alone. In this post we will break down what happened to her, her reactions, and how she developed.
Disclaimer: Despite mental illness being the main theme here, I will not be attempting to diagnose Alice, as I am not professionally trained and she does not have an official, canon diagnosis of any kind. I will however make inferences.
For those unaware, American McGee's Alice is a horror twist on Alice in Wonderland, following the protagonist Alice. In this first game, you play as 18 year old Alice Liddle, who from eight years old to that point has been living in Rutledge Asylum in England. The game begins with the player introduced to the catalyst of Alice being in the asylum: a house fire.
In this fire, Alice is the only one to survive from her family, with her parents and sister, Lizzie, dying in the fire. This causes a massive snap in Alice's mind as she watches the house burn and townspeople surround her.
In this scene we are also introduced to the idea that Alice was likely already mentally ill, as when the fire begins, what wakes her isn't the smoke or screams, its Hatter and March Hare screaming in her dreams about the fire, begging her to wake up. (However, its likely it was just a framing device, but we do see its what woke her.)
From then on, Alice spent her time in the asylum, nearly comatose. She was catatonic and would only speak in shrieks and shrill screams. She'd have seizures and episodes of hysteria before falling unresponsive and mute again. Her doctor's notes also describe an incident where she "wielded a spoon like a knife and the orderlies, then turned the makeshift weapon in her own arms".
Needless to say, the fire that killed her family severely traumatized Alice, and she struggles heavily with possible PTSD and survivors guilt.
Alice in the first game also expresses suicidal ideation, or at the very least a passive desire to die. She's heard saying, "Save myself? From death, is that it? Is that why I've come here? I'm not afraid to die! At times I've welcomed death..."
And, "Everyone I love dies violently; unnaturally. I'm cursed! Why go on? I'll just hurt others."
The latter of these quotes is indicative of her guilt; it shows she blames herself for not just her her family's deaths, but others, and believes those she grows close to will also die horribly if they stay around her. She expresses she thinks people are better off without her.
In regards to Wonderlands occupants and how they relate to her fragile and broken psyche... American McGee has stated that all in some way represent her fragments mind and emotions. How, I don't think is explicitly stated beyond the Queen, but I have theories:
Cheshire: Her subconscious and manifestation of Dinah in her mind. Dinah lead her to safety in the fire, showing the way out. Chesh is guide that knows more than Alice consciously knows, but things she's got hidden in her mind. He tells her the clues she's seeing and picking up on subtleties she can't. That's why he uses riddles.
Hatter: Hatter is obsessive and rambling. He's a sort of representation of her doctor in the asylum, after all he runs one himself. He's paranoid and obsessed with time and loathes mechanical malfunctions. He may very well be a sort of ego aspect, where the Queen is super-ego. He could also likely be the manifestation of Alice's own paranoia and frustration surrounding her own "malfunctioning" mind.
Queen of Red Heart: She is Alice. She is the part of Alice that causes her the most grief and torment. She is what keeps Alice locked in her psychosis; a malevolent manifestation of super-ego. Cheshire compares her to a cancer in the body, which must be excised or Alice would die.
Jabberwock: A creature who taunts Alice and accuses her of not caring about her family. He is what taunts her about their deaths and says that she was, "in dream land taking tea with friends", and she, "couldn't be bothered". He is her guilt and self anger and he is there to remind her of this guilt constantly.
Caterpillar: He provides her wisdom giver. He takes things she sees and can help her recontexualize them. He is similar to Cheshire, but more to the forefront. He is also seemingly the calm part of her mind.
Tweedles: looking identical to the orderlies in Rutlidge, the Tweedles are cruel to Alice and lack any higher intelligence beyond orders. They are childishly cruel and likely have something to do with Alice's self punishment.
Rabbit: More obsessed with time than Hatter, Rabbit is a mostly absent guide who rushes ahead of Alice and he's very, very fidgety. He likely represents her conflict between anxiety and comfort. The comfort being from him being based on her favorite toy, and his face being easing to her. But he's very paranoid about time and danger.
Duchess: Initially a manifestation of the cruel nurse in charge of her, Nurse D, Duchess is a violent cannibal. It could be argued her outfit initially resembles a nurses outfit too. Later in the second game, she is seen in more revealing clothes and no longer eats people, and prefers pig now. Her "overbearing goodwill" and appearance now more represents her nanny, Nan Sharp.
While I do not believe these games are a 100% accurate depiction of mental illness and trauma, they do a good job showing the struggle between one's self and the inner machinations of their mind as they struggle with their mental health, and struggle to learn to cope on their own.
The second game is much better about the direct correlation between Alice's real struggles and Wonderland falling apart.
In Madness returns, we see an older Alice struggling in therapy as her doctor, Angus Bumby, tries to make her forget her past. She wants to forget everything rather than continue to struggle with it. We see she's still being abused and exploited by Nurse Witless, who's blackmailing her.
In Wonderland, we see the Corruption and the pollution destroying Wonderland piece by piece as the Dollmaker (Bumby's influence and brainwashing) takes over her mind bit by bit. We see her remembering her childhood and the past Bumby tried to erase, and we see her piece the truth together as she slowly banishes the Dollmaker.
By the end of MR, we see a confident Alice, the pieces of her fragmented life and mind put back together as Wonderland blossoms and Bumby dies via a train after Alice confronts him with his crimes.
Tl;Dr: While imperfect in their portrayal of mental illness, PTSD, and more, American McGees Alice And A:MR depict the grittiness, the despair, and the pain that can come with these things fairly well. It also depicts a woman struggling but succeeding in helping herself and bettering herself. These games revolve around facing your issues head on and healing. Their use of symbology is fantastic in my opinion.
#character analysis#american mcgee's alice#alice madness returns#alice liddell#american mcgee#long post
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About:
⌂ 24 ⌂ on/off homeless ⌂ disabled ⌂ mad ⌂ neurodivergent ⌂ queer ⌂ trans ⌂ DID system ⌂ currently precariously housed ⌂ multi-marginalized ⌂ writer ⌂ artist ⌂ zero income ⌂ mixed race ⌂ community organizer ⌂ abolitionist ⌂ pagan ⌂
Essays:
May Your Hands Always Be Loud
Sword Canes Aren’t Badass. I am.
What’s So Wrong With Having Heroes?
Unlucky: Protective Factors and Homelessness
Homeless Delicacies and Finding Unhoused Joy
Internalized Ableism As Means For Unhoused Survival
Let People On Food Stamps Eat Hot Meals
Intelligence Doesn't Equal Morality
Homelessness as Trauma: Transitioning Into Housing
Winter Solstice / Homeless Persons Memorial Day
Guides:
Unhoused Solidarity in Action (how to help out unhoused people outside of just care packs)
Coming into Disability (best for newly disabled people)
Interacting with People with Psychosis
How to Support People
Underrepresentation in Homeless Statistics
Houseism
Tags:
Original Posts - #chronically couchbound
Unhoused Joy (Story Series) - #unhoused joy
Informational - #info
Guides - #guides
Reblogs - #rb
Mutual Aid Requests - #Mutual Aid Asks
Asks - #asks
Accessibility
I’m Hard of Hearing and require captions in order to interact with any video/audio. Any videos or audio I post will always have captions.
Sometimes, I don’t have the ability to add alt text, image descriptions, and/or plain text versions of posts, feel free to go back and add them if you’re able to and see them needed. I have Low Vision, transient blindness and visual disturbances due to some of my conditions and often require IDs myself. I try to avoid reblogging images without IDs. I try to go back and add IDs when I’m able.
My blogs are photosensitive safe. I will never post flashing lights, jump scares, or April Fool's jokes/pranks on any of my blogs.
Occasionally I post sensory-enriched/dopamine-friendly versions of posts that I have previously posted.
Boundaries
I live in the United States so my posts at times are more specific to USA policies. However, in other countries many of the same restrictions, barriers, and systemic issues exist and I hope some of my posts can be a starting point to your own research about your local government policies and issues.
Inbox is open for mutuals, asks are open for anyone else.
I don’t have a specific DNI list for this blog. I just ask that people be respectful and engage in appropriate conversation about the topics I bring up. Threats and just generally being hateful (+ unwilling to hear other perspectives) will earn you a block. It’s okay if you’re not the most “politically correct” or are uneducated— caring intentions matters more to me.
Other Blogs:
Hellenic polytheistic worship/main: @fireandfennel
System blog: @oleandersystem
Additionally, here’s my website
And here’s my cripplepunk playlist to listen to while you scroll!
And if you’re interested in supporting me and my writing, here’s my wishlist. I am unable to work and have been fighting for SSI with a lawyer since 2017. I have zero income and live entirely off of government aid. Many items I need aren’t covered by insurance or charity programs. This is the only way I am able to receive outside assistance from others without my government assistance vouchers being taken away.
#chronically couchbound#personal essays#disabled pride#disabled pride month#multimarginalized#unhoused#disabled joy#unhoused joy#disability#disabled#cripple punk#cripplepunk#crip theory#unhoused theory#hobopunk#sickpunk#madpunk#neuropunk#hobocrip#homeless#stories from the shelter#stories from the streets
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I promised to elaborate what's up with Ivarr, my V, Dum and things in general, so here's a long and honestly kinda personal text below.
He's like a brother I never had. A brother from some unholy mother.
In my canon V and Ivarr would probably never make any connection since she, being head in the corpo clouds, never visited TTNTNZ or any other respectful MLSTRM establishment (why would she need a company of fucked up chrome addicted marginals?), and then I had to choose the bigger evil aka Royce to make sure DD and other boys survive.
- My street-kid-V saw Brick and even tried to resque him, but he didn't make it through the Militech assault on All Foods.
- My corpo-V never met Brick at all since she didn't bother to contact Meredith, just paid for the bot and deltad the fuck out the building trying to get her shit together after a quick chit-chat with a certain 7-eyed borg.
Anyway, making an assumption those two had a chance to meet, I see Ivarr as a big brother figure for my V, a mentor and a guide to the occult side of the Maelstrom. At some point she started taking heavy drugs (which her borg-dealer kindly provided) trying to numb the pain after Jackie's death and then Johnny's departure with Alt. Suffering from PTSD, slowly losing your mind is scary shit, and her attempts to fill the gaping pitch-black void that her existence has become led her to seeking any sort of comfort and guidance she could get. She started visiting TTNTNZ every now and then, its brain-damaging sounds and throbbing red lights felt like home.
Every metal soul in the building knew she's actually here for their second in command, not just booze and noise, but noone - except him - knew what was going on and what emotional disaster she's dealing with. Drowning her sorrows at the bar became a custom as well, and this is where she finally met Ivarr. He surely was there all the time, but she never noticed what lurks in the shadows, being too occupied with the creeping delirium.
He already knew who she is, what she's capable of, and - more importantly - that she's trusted, so he showed her the insides of Maelstrom, all the dark hidden secrets and hell pits, all its rituals, horrors and blasphemies, all the blood and gore. She managed to fit in a new life balancing on the verge of sanity and become a sort of unholy Snow White among the 7 chrome dwarves. To everyone's macabre delight Royce respectfully acknowledged her as a tough bitch after the blood bath she unleashed at Arasaka Tower and she took her place in the hierarchy as an unofficial DD's right hand (more like a gray cardinal tho), a netrunner and, unexpectedly, a part-time "Sister of Charity", helping the newcomers to get through the initiation rituals in one piece and not to fall into psychosis as she almost did once.
Their weird relations with Dum Dum grew stronger and deeper over the time - from dealer/client, to occasional fuckbuddies, to finally lovers and then biz partners, when Rogue handed over the reins of the Afterlife to V.
The pet name Vicious that DD once gave her stayed and became official. She was a part of the family now.
❤️ @dreamskug ❤️
#cyberpunk#cyberpunk 2077#oc: ivarr#oc: vicious#maelstrom#totentanz#dum dum#is out there somewhere#fem v#female v#corpo v#cp2077#cp2077 photomode#cp2077 screenshots#virtual photography#cyberpunk aesthetic
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Teeth and Skin Character details (Teeth and Skin is the name of the Zombie AU Now)
Soap:
27
Was an orphan, joined the military at 18, served until he was 24 when he was discharged for an injury that made him unable to serve.
Soap was vacationing in Mexico when the apocalypse
Survived alone for 2 years before he got stranded on the roof of a house and rescued
Ghost:
28
Same backstory as before but instead when he dug himself out of the grave, the apocalypse had already started.
Experiences fairly extreme psychosis from it and is half convinced he’s not alive
Found Soap on the roof of the house, considered leaving him behind, but Soap grabbed his arm and it was the first time he felt alive in 2 years
Is now obsessed with Soap, no one is allowed to touch him
Rodolfo:
32
Same backstory as before, he was best friends with Alejandro, followed him into the military
Was still actively running the Las Almas base when the apocalypse happened
Doesn’t trust anyone because everyone they’ve met that they didn’t know before was evil
He and Alejandro are stranded in a convenience store after a supply run gone wrong
Alejandro:
32
Joined the military at 18, was given title of Colonel way too young, does his best to keep the base active, even if they’ve abandoned the military title
Works with Valeria so both the cartel and the Vaqueros stay alive
Is injured during a supply run and gets them stranded in a convenience store
Price:
37
Boring ass white man backstory
He and Gaz were in Mexico when the apocalypse happened, trying to find out what happened to Ghost’s unit
Is unsure about locating Rodolfo because he knows about the Las Almas cartel
Gaz:
26
Was an orphan, joined the military once he was out of the foster system
Was with Price on a mission. He had uncovered the cartel at the time the apocalypse had happened and they discovered it was ravaged by zombies
Hears Rodolfo’s distress message on the radio system and sets out with Price to find them to help
Graves:
35
Was on break from missions when it happened, gathers the shadows afterwards.
Semi-antagonist until he joins the crew
Valeria:
32
Was pressured to join the military by her family
Left to become El Sin Nombre
When everything happened, she and Alejandro agreed to put their differences aside to ensure survival for both groups
Is found by Roach and travels with him to rescue Alejandro and Rodolfo
Farah:
28
Generic backstory
When the apocalypse was happening, she was called in for a favor by Laswell to track down Price and Gaz when they went missing, met with Alex in Washington state when it all went to shit and got stranded, has spent the last two years trying to find Laswell,
locates her 2 months before current events and now they’re trying to get to Mexico because she found evidence Price and Gaz are alive
Alex:
28
Orphan
Was receiving Farah when the apocalypse happened, didn’t talk about it but was freaked out when Price and Gaz went MIA, now they’re trying to find them
Is basically glorified body guard for Laswell and Farah on the journey to Mexico
Laswell:
40
Basic white woman backstory
When the apocalypse happens, her wife is killed by Zombies and she goes MIA while dealing with it, eventually locates Alex and Farah and guides them to her location when she finds evidence Price and Gaz are alive
Now is trying to get back to them
Roach:
24
Same backstory I normally use, mom died in childbirth, dad abandoned him.
Successfully lied about age due to this and signed up for the military at 16 but left at 20 and became a mercenary. Was in Mexico on a job dealing with Roba’s cartel when the apocalypse happened, found Ghost shortly after and they struck a deal working with each other.
Got separated from Ghost and ends up locating them so they send him to the Vaqueros to get them to send a truck, accidentally finds Valeria, instead, who travels back with him and a few of her men and rescues them
#teeth and skin: a zombie cod AU#Johnny Soap Mactavish#Simon Ghost Riley#Rodolfo Parra#Alejandro Vargas#John Price#Kyle Gaz Garrick#Phillip Graves#Valeria Garza#Farah Karim#Alex COD#Kate Laswell#Call Of Duty Modern Warfare II#Call of Duty#Gary Roach Sanderson
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I could survive in these chemicals for you
ship: traitor cut down the altar (knull x adriel)
source: marvel
word count: 750
cw: psychosis and unreality, semi-disturbing concepts
-vague ‘i dunno’ noises- i’m psychotic and like to write about it sometimes.
also need that sweet sweet knull content
It's late.
It's late.
He can't sleep. The transition from the bed to the floor was a steep drop and several tears. 8 now? 9?
The sounds are like a beast, growling and snapping at the trap that sheds more of his blood as he struggles. No blood anyone can see because it's not actually there.
It's in his hands, in his head, in his eyes. It's all inside.
He bangs his fists against the floorboards, and his spine arches skyward as if to breach the heavens.
You're splitting. You're splintering, you're breaking.
You're breaking.
You're breaking.
Fingernails itching, skin too tight. He writhes, crying for release but knowing what he has to do to get it.
Sanctification. Benediction.
"Off the floor. On your knees at least," speaks God.
He wails like a damned soul, but his body moves into a position properly fitting such a plea for absolution.
"You're in pieces, aren't you?" the voice of God croons, and obsidian curtains spilling over his shoulders and shadowing his face are parted like a miracle with claws oblivion black.
He doesn't look at God, he's too busy trying to hold on to the ground. It's unsteady, and he's so very afraid of falling off.
"Your neurotransmitters are so active tonight," God begins His praise, "You're just lighting up."
He's sniffling unflatteringly, his face soaking. Not even reaching up to wipe the tears anymore. Finally, he looks up and pays his tribute with an expression twisted into agony.
"You're so beautiful," God continues, and now His hands are cradling his face. It's painful, his cheeks are raw from the deluge of briny tears. And God's hands are so cold.
"So much dopamine and not even a reward for it? Your body is so cruel to you," God teases him like a light-hearted lover, and that eldritch touch manifests as a thumb wiping away a tear. So sharp and lethal, and so very close to his umber. He imagines them and a quick transorbital penetration, but he's not sure who between them put the thought in his head.
Of course, he doesn't speak. He can't. He can, but he can't. He can't.
"Oh. Here's a thought," God begins, and His tone sounds sickeningly saccharin, "If I gave you that reward, I wonder if you would come back together."
All he hears is words, and the words aren't words. His associative striatum is drowning in subcortical dopamine.
"Mmmh, I can feel your receptors gushing," God comments, but it's not on entirely deaf ears. "I'll take that as an adequate answer."
His face has to be guided, it feels like rigor mortis sets in, and his body won't move as he wants it to.
And God is there.
He's grotesque and beautiful, and He's there.
He isn't speaking now, His head is quirked, and He's smiling that impossibly wide smile. Teeth, teeth, and so many teeth.
His jaws part, and suddenly, lips stretched thin over an over-abundance of dentin and enamel are seizing his own. Mostly teeth.
Sanctity! Oh, blessed be! His synapses fire and explode with atomic force. The nuclear shadow eclipses across his irises and the light cosmic dances in his vision.
His eyelashes meet, and behind them, oblivion. No one can imagine a darkness so stygian, so he covets it. It's only for him, no one else. For him, from God.
Here in the dredges of nothingness, he feels the coalescence of oblivion on his lips. It's cold, God-cold. It's God. It's nothing. It's God.
He accepts his reward, as promised.
He accepts as it graces his lips, and then it's filling his mouth. Around his tongue, across his teeth, he accepts. It's breaching his throat now, and then deeper still, and he accepts.
But the space of God is not God Himself, and his eyes open enough to take in a nightmare. An aberration twisted into the visage of a desperate, open-mouthed kiss. A mockery of intimacy as the monster's crimson gaze burns into his own, as His tongue penetrates deeper down his esophagus until he can hardly take a breath.
This is his benediction, his perdition and his absolution.
His eyelids are fluttering, and he doesn't care to acknowledge the symbiotic biomass encompassing him. They close again, and God settles in the space around him. God is there. It's so dark.
Now he's awake and cooling down in the afterglow of endorphins. He's on the floor, and God is quiet again. He looks at the clock.
It's so early.
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I have nothing to say
I have had a psychotic era; I am autistic, but I don't believe these things define me: in fact, I don't think they say anything about me. There really isn't that much to do. We live in a world where all the power is in the hands of oligarchs, but the heroes of the past, I don't know who they are, have secured some basic freedom for us, and professionals, maybe politicians, maybe intellectuals, conduct themselves in such a way to make sure everything keeps going right. But there really isn't anything gained. We were better off when the world just consisted of a couple of splendid cities in which the slaves worked for the small aristocracy. For some sick reason, we live in a world where everyone is equal. Where everyone has to work. And yet, even St. Paul wrote: "He who does not work, neither shall he eat." Why wouldn't I be content being a part of a beautiful world in which my master could compose the most splendid poetry as made sure he was free from cares? I would probably have plenty of time off. We see, we live in a world built on the shoulders of the African-American slave. That is a foul situation, not something to be proud of. The Trans-Atlantic slave trade was the first step of the industrial revolution, of the foobar-world order we live in today, in which everyone is supported to continue his sinful lifestyle.
However, there is nothing I cherish more than my freedom. All wars were fought over freedom, my freedom. If I lose my freedom, everyone loses. As Hegel said: everything is the history of freedom. And yet we see that there is a meanness in this world, and freedom plays a trick on itself. People can be hypnotized by the lure of adventure. People think if they don't behave like monsters, there will be nothing to do anymore. Violence is the only industry that needs every man. But a man of God can work out. I have seen this today. This is my new meditation, and tomorrow I will have another one. Doing one of those nice Biblestudy courses on-line is the first step to a better world. If everybody did guided meditations, there would be hope.
I am not saying we should kill time by pondering existence. Thinking is not possible for everybody. Oh, I am surely demented. But neither I am saying that HAVE to do Biblestudy courses, or guided meditations. In fact, it won't change anything, except make us a bit stronger. I am reading Jack Kerouac and fairy tales. I enjoy the fairy tales a lot. I think the fairy tales will truly give me the chance to become a raconteur again. They say I was a raconteur when I was a kid; honestly, I find nothing more charming than a raconteur. I really liked the character of Sebastian J. Cricket in Guilliermo del Toro's Pinocchio. And he refers to himself as a raconteur. It is the kind of skill that you can use when you are not conscious of it, but when you try to control it, it is truly hard. You know, usefulness is truly overrated. The better thing is strength. As Bruce Springsteen says: only the strong survive. We must strive for strength with everything we got. It is a thing, to bring peace to your mind, but then it is equally prudent to take some time to rest: verily, it is smoother than you realize. In fact, my dad said this when I was in a bad way because of my psychosis, he said: you are processing, as I was lying incapacitated in the chair with a blanket over my face to stop the pain. As I say, it is smooth. We really don't have to do anything. We don't have to work out. But we can develop ourselves. It is my dream to become a priest, but I don't want to be dependant on a church: and all the courses at the university are of course either protestant or catholic. And I figured at a time: I am just going to do the catholic one, you know, be learned. Or: I'll do the Protestant one, you know, be stalwart. But now I guess I'll just read that Theology textbook I bought on the Kindle app, which is "theologically neutral". Learn it by myself.
Life is smiling at me. I see chances for my spiritual development as well as my professional one. But if war comes, I won't be ready. Of course, I play chess, but that is incomparable to the complexity of mounting a campaign. And yes, I try to read Marx at times, but I find it a rotten book, and I think communism exists more in our imagination than in reality. I guess I'll just try to really get into those Let's Plays I have been making, play some really good games. I have been doing a Let's Play of Expeditions: Conquistador and it is truly exhilarating. Fighting those rebels on Hispaniola really made me tense. In any event I have thought it was a lot like acting, you know, playing the game, but now I see it more accurately a work out: of course, there are elements of acting, such as the importance of understanding, but it's way more mechanical than acting on stage, you know, there is much more restraint; but it also differs markedly from chess, because most games call on many human qualities, whereas chess only calls on cold calculation (and psychological warfare). Oh, well, the contours of simple astutement are relative to the entire subtlety of sheer knowledge, that sends us with a wail into the realm of simple analysis, which forms us and rescinds us, to some extent, to become circular divisors of the eternal world that wants to combine us into a behemoth which is only a natural course of the renunciatory modality of vehement nature. The architecture of sheer multiplicity in ordinality is sheer, but the requirements of particularity are set in stone: therefore, the ordinary requittal of the main storyline of work is reproved. Something must be denied, or acquired, and we can build segments in the endless structure of meritorious descent and the main construction of simple automaticity. But something is done, to repair the remainder of the autochtonous whispering of the main structure of reality and we are lost in the contours of syntagmatic opportunity; and we do what we do, but there is a structure in the dark that moves aggressively against the repurposes of the eternal mania of ordinary existence that helps to reposition us in the vehemence of ordinary repercussions: and so something may happen that retraces our steps from the origin back to the limit: and this makes us hope again that something may happen in the vicinity of sheer work that helps us retain a semblance of the simple eternity of reality. And so it ever goes on, in silence, or in noise. But nobody really knows where it goes. The essences of weird creativity is nothing. I make sense of many ordinary things, but I scarcely know anything about the Roman Empire. Well, I know Marcus Aurelius was an emperor and a stoic philosopher, but really he said not so great a noble word, and he was not a very rigorous thinker. I don't know. It's nice to be normal, but someone may be abnormal and think he is; he does not know what is real and what is absurd, and so he is stuck in limbo. He does his best. Really, he does, but it is only heartbreak and precipitation. I am stuck in being myself and I really do what I really do. And yet, there is a colour of statement in the structure of ordinary reality that I set forth in genera and the constant song of something is let down by real things. This is what I really need, perhaps: a feeling of using ordinary noises, in the silence that makes something authoritarian, and this is the thing that we need, but there is a lot of sound, and nobody knows what this truly is, because we are stuck with it. I don't know. The silence of things obscures the essence of the higher reality that I have found and that I am making clear; the ordinality is made universal, however. So the noises continue in the alleyway, and we are stuck in reversal. The thing go yet on, so the thing we see can happen and may be real. I have yet to see the things that really happen, but I do what I can.
You know there is something good coming. We may insist upon the relativity of ordinary events, but something good is coming. Let us insist upon the repetitious segmentation of real things, the objectivity that is granted to us in silence. I will perhaps start writing history tomorrow.
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PTSD Treatment - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Therapy - Symptoms of PTSD
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PTSD Treatment - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Therapy - Symptoms of PTSD
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I need a vent, but I got no one to talk to about what's happening, so I'm putting it here.
I'm tired. Tired as heck. This year has been complicated. I got assaulted, ended up pregnant and doing a psychosis because of drug and medicament abuse. And even though it's been almost a year, I still blame myself about it. I've done horrible things to close relatives, violence, neglect... I've hurt my partner many times and he remains by my side. A close relative in my family died, and the void is still there. They were someone really important to me, more than a family member they were a friend, a confident, a guide, they saved me several times of tricky situations.
And I'm in a tricky situation. Gotten robbed of 30 grands while we're trying to survive off of 80 per week for two people. I have tried to apply to jobs, give out my curriculum vitæ about everywhere I could, and no one is responding. So I end up having to mend. I feel like my life is crumbling into pieces and everytime I try to get it together, a new part crumbles. I don't want to lose hope, I don't want to give up. But the situation has gotten to such extent I'm struggling to see the end of it. I want help, but I don't know to who I should turn to.
I just feel tired of life.
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After traveling a long distance, for thousands of years, this arrival was unprecedented. Nomadic Humans aboard asteroidal colonies descended upon this world.
When humans settled on the surface of their new world, they began to construct their cathedrals. In space, survival was much stranger than on planetary bodies. Psychosis haunted many who couldn't bare to face the absoluteness of the universe. From the madness eventually came order, and such was the origin of these Holy places and their necessity.
Deep in the hearts of these Kingdom Churches lie the high priestesses and their cult of devoted warriors.
Powerful and elegant, they had descended from nomadic people aboard asteroids. Per chosen timelines and sifted destiny, the wellbeing of each passenger was accredited to their Holy Mother
A goddess or mirage, many claim to have seen her in their dreams, yet none know who it could be. In truth, the Holy Mother is an aspiration of all loving creatures: to become creator and caretaker of some beautiful grand thing, and to orbit while this grandeur becomes its Truest self. To perform the ceremonial duties of Mother can be done by anyone. Yet She is our guiding light.
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"Because of the difficult and turbulent history of ECT--it was once used as a punishment in psychiatric hospitals--people with bipolar disorder and their family members often don't want to consider it even in the most dire of circumstances. This is unfortunate, because ECT can be lifesaving. It can pull people out of serious depressions that might otherwise have resulted in suicide. Nowadays, ECT is a safe and effective outpatient treatment that is fairly routine in its administration. Because of its side effects and high economic cost, it is typically considered only when a person has not responded adequately to mood stabilizers or antidepressants and is incapacitated by depression, psychosis, or suicidality."
-David Miklowitz, The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide (2019)
#books#quote#nonfiction#psychology#electroconvulsive therapy#mental health#bipolar disorder#depression#tw#suicide mention
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I'm not gonna lie. I hate psychiatrist.
I would be treated for years with medication for clinical depression and ADD but I would injest meds for these 'conditions' to help me in school. I would be asked if I felt like I could read thoughts or 'listen to voices that weren't there' (are too but it's disregarded as psychosis).
You don't know how much I would cry when communing with GOD that I would often daydream which wasn't seen as normal.
"You are not daydreaming. You are channeling." HE would say all no nonsense to me looking back at some childhood aspects of me these last two years. I remember even using the term maladaptive daydreaming as I related to that as well.
It hurts a bit because this was something I always wanted as a child and was fascinated with in works: Communicating with spirit and guides and BEING certain of the messages that were coming.
It hurts because one of the common struggles I had was "I don't have a job/career. How am I going to be able to survive in the future financially?"
I'd feel inadequate for never having a job/career. It'd be embarrassing for me.
I don't feel that anymore lately after reading the Bible and remembering the verse Mathew 4:4:
"But He [Jesus] answered and said, "It is written: 'Man shall not live by bread alone' but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of GOD'.
When I fasted for lent I truly felt that.
Also to Moshe in Exodus 4:10-11 (Torah app on Google Play)
"And Moshe said unto Hashem (GOD), 'Oh Hashem, I am not a man of words, neither heretofore, nor since You have spoken unto Your servant. For I am slow of speech, and of slow tongue.'
And Hashem said unto him: 'Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes a man dumb, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, Hashem?'"
I am pretty sure there is a reason I have autism. Even when hearing through a near death experience "I remembered that I had allergies as a form to help me learn"
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World Mental Health Day 2021 Resources
Books, text posts, & articles
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
Shrinking the Inner Critic by Pete Walker
Flashback management by Pete Walker
Your Guide to Self-Parenting
Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation by Suzette Boon
Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Depressed and Anxious by Thomas Marra
You Can’t Just Snap Out Of It: The Real Path to Recovery From Psychological Trauma by J. Douglas Bremner
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook by Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D.
Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft
A guide to Dental Care
A guide to conquering executive dysfunction
Books on procrastination / making the most of your time
Books on ADHD
CPTSD and Procrastination
Running on Empty: Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) Books
How to Support Someone Experiencing Psychosis
A Guide to Health Insurance Terms
The Complex PTSD Workbook by Arielle Schwartz, PhD
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Ph.D.; Jeffrey C. Wood, Psy.D.; and Jeffrey Brantley, MD
Life After Trauma by Dena Rosenbloom, PhD and Mary Beth Williams, PhD with Barbara E. Watkins
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff, PhD and Christopher Germer, PhD
The PTSD Workbook by Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS and Soili Poijula, PhD
We Believe You: a colouring book for survivors and supporters (compliments of Ryerson University’s Office of Sexual Violence Support and Education; 27 pages)
A guide to various mental health resources based in the UK
Apps:
Calm Harm - helps people resist the urge to hurt themselves.
Booster Buddy - journal + med reminders
Reflectly - a journal app centred around mental health.
Amaru - an app meant to help with anxiety
Calm - An app meant to help with anxiety / sleeping
Headspace - basically the same as Calm.
Daylio - same thing as Reflectly.
A masterlist of different apps
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SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide
I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism
For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”
But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:
I was wrong.
Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.
It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.
What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.
II. What is the Human Shadow?
In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self.
Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.”
This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.
So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.
Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.
III. What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.
Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves.
Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.
All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.
Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history. These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.
IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?
Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.
As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’
“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow.
There are no exceptions here.
The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.
Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.
This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.
If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self.
Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:
· “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”
· “I have never strayed.”
· “God is proud of me.”
· “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”
· “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”
· “I’m a role model.”
· “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”
· “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”
Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.
V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?
Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.
When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.
As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:
“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”
As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.
But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.
How?
Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).
There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.
What happens as we grow up?
Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.
Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:
“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”
But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.
VI. What is the Golden Shadow?
Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.
Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.
The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.
VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?
When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf
Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.
Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom.
This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.
Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.
Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:
· Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)
· Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)
· Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger
· Emotional and mental manipulation of others
· Greed and addictions
· Phobias and obsessive compulsions
· Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior
· Intense anxiety
· Chronic psychosomatic illness
· Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)
· Sexual perversion
· Narcissistically inflated ego
· Chaotic relationships with others
· Self-loathing
· Self-absorption
· Self-sabotage
… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.
VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)
One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.
Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.
When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:
“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”
There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.
If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.
IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work
Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.
There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:
1. Deeper love and acceptance of yourself
2. Better relationships with others, including your partner and children
3. More confidence to be your authentic self
4. More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity
5. Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike
6. Enhanced creativity
7. Discovery of hidden gifts and talents
8. Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose
9. Improved physical and mental health
10. More courage to face the unknown and truly live life
11. Access to your Soul or Higher Self
12. A feeling of Wholeness
It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.
X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work
Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:
· Have you practiced self-love yet?
o If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).
· Are you prepared to make time?
o Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.
· Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth?
o As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.
· Seek to enter a calm and neutral space.
o It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.
· Understand that you are not your thoughts.
o You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.
· Practice self-compassion.
o It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.
· Record everything you find.
o Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.
XI. How to Practice Shadow Work
There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:
1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions
In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:
One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.
The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.
For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.
Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.
Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.
How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions
To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:
1. Self-awareness
Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.
If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:
2. Adopt an open mindset
You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.
Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).
There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.
“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.
Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.
See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.
2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self
Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself. Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.
Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.
3. Start a Project
The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.
If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!
For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.
4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal
Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self. His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.
Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness. If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature. Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.
5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes
We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:
· The Sorcerer/Alchemist
· The Dictator
· The Victim
· The Shadow Witch
· The Addict
· The Idiot
· The Trickster
· The Destroyer
· The Slave
· The Shadow Mother
· The Hag
· The Hermit
However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.
13 Shadow Archetypes
Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:
1. The Egotistical Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.
2. The Neurotic Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.
3. The Untrustworthy Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.
4. The Emotionally Unstable Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.
5. The Controlling Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.
6. The Cynical Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.
7. The Wrathful Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.
8. The Rigid Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.
9. The Glib Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.
10. The Cold Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.
11. The Perverted Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.
12. The Cowardly Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.
13. The Immature Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.
Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.
6. Have an Inner Conversation
Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.
I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.
One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!
Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.
7. Use the Mirror Technique
As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.
The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.
Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.
Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.
The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.
XII. Shadow Work Q&A
Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:
What is shadow work?
Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.
How to do shadow work?
There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.
What is the spiritual shadow?
There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.
XIII. Shadow Self -Test
https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/
As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)
XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life
If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.
Own your shadow and you will own your life.
Here are some final inspiring words:
“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”
“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy
“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”
“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”
#shadow work#shadow worker#shadowwork#shadowworking#shadow working#carl jung#jungean#carljung#light work#guide#how to do shadow work#how to be a shadow worker#shadow workers#healing#self healing#witch#witch shadow work#your shadow#shadow self#ego#self#self care#self taught#life#better living#holisitic
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Hi, i’m Nyx and this is my blog!
i use they/it pronouns and my gender is clown :•). i’m autistic and have adhd as well as multiple other disorders including C-PTSD and cluster b disorders. i will not provide a list of all i have. some are self-dx and some are professionally dxxed.
i struggle a lot with answering DMs so if you want to talk to me your best bet is through asks!
Sideblogs: @come-on-and-skin-me (vent blog) • @ifellinthepit (dc blog)
this blog is safe for all ages and all kinds of creatures, so please refrain from directing anything nsfw or harmful to this page
best stim board ever right here🎠
i sometimes post about things that can be triggering, and don’t always tag it, so if you are sensitive to violence/mild nsfw*/blood/homicidal ideation, i wouldn’t recommend following. i also reblog trauma-related content so please be careful if you proceed!
i am also okay with ‘ask to tag’ so if you want a specific tag on a post, don’t be scared to ask, i’ll be happy to oblige!
*the nsfw stuff on this blog it is usually just edgy jokes or stuff like that.
but if you are a minor and me following you makes you uncomfortable, please tell me or just block me; your comfort is very important and in no way do i want to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
i don’t use many tags, my blog is very disorganized (which honestly is a nightmare for me), but i do tag everything DC related as DC stuff and i also tag posts about my dreams as Nyx Dreams. if one day i’m up to it i might go back and re-arrange everything and add tags. if so, i’ll update this section! the tag i use to identify my posts about OSDD discovery journey are tagged Nyx’s OSDD discovery channel. i also now have A Histrionic’s Guide as a tag for my, well, guides on how i work to get the most attention possible in safe/healthy ways as someone with HPD
Some of my posts you should check out:
Cluster B Headcanons
My Thoughts about Harley in The Suicide Squad
Harley and her HPD in Suicide Squad
Pirouette by Black Mask Studios
the cat the dog and the rabbit
A Histrionic’s Guide On Dressing For Attention
Micheal Scott has HPD
Important posts you should take the time to read:
Every Important Post I found about Mental Illnesses and Disabilities
How to survive in an abusive household
Feminism and the illusion of choice
Shipping abuse victims with their abusers
Serial killing and police incompetence
To non-confrontational adults
Morality and Christianity
Trafficking scam
How to spot signs and symptoms of breast cancer
About men who like “low effort” women
Shaming girls into sex they don’t want
Setting boundaries with a toxic person
Forgiveness culture
About James Gunn
Abortion resources for Texans
You can do whatever you want surgery-wise regardless of gender
Seizure first aid
Kill the robot dog
Basic respect for cane users
Acceptable reasons to exclude someone from the queer community
About stalking
American undercover cops
“Smart” devices
Don’t let your cats outside
DNI:
transphobes of any kind, queerphobes, racists, misogynists, ableists, bigots and assholes in general (including those who demonize personality disorders, psychosis, etc)
pan/aro/ace/etc exclusionists
pro shippers/ anti-antis
if you think cringe culture is alive and relevant/if you shame people for doing harmless things like being themselves and having fun
neurotypical and able bodied cishets
pro-ED (people with EDs are free to follow, as long as you’re pro-recovery and don’t encourage EDs by posting/reblogging meanspo/sweetspo/thinspo/etc)
if you’re only here to mock people
endos/non-traumagenic “systems”
sam winchester fans/apologists
joker stans/ mad love shippers
harry potter fans/supporters (yes even if you don’t ‘support’ JK Rowling)
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