Showers
summary: a passing comment and shared showers lead to a hard time for the plus size reader, luckily she has Evan Buckley...
pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley x plus size/insecure fem!reader
warnings: body insecurities, fluff (no smut), mentions of body shaming, protective Buck & Eddie, implied no prior established relationship.
notes: Buck can be whoever you want him to be e.g bestfriend, boyfriend.
posted: ao3 (bio)
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This particular afternoon the team had come back especially dirty, all members requiring a nice hot shower and a decent scrub to rid their bodies of all that dirt and blood.
All would be fine if I wasn’t so insecure of my body. Gender-specific shower and changing rooms may have helped but it wouldn’t have defeated the issue nor made me feel that much more comfortable.
I hugged my arms around my chest loosely as I stood outside the door to the shower room, debating on going in and having that much-needed shower or waiting until everyone was done and risking going to more calls dirty and disgusting.
Buck eyed me from his locker, he’d picked up on my unease from an incident on call. I’d been having a good day until a patient made a passing comment about my body. Buck and Eddie being the only ones who heard were quick to defend but the damage was already done.
I must have been standing there for a long time because Bobby was already cleaned up and dressed and with Chim and Eddie entering back into the changing room with towels around their waists it left only Hen still showering and Buck and I.
Showers didn’t take long as we had to be ready in case a call came through, but time didn’t matter when it came to how I felt about my body.
Buck closed his locker and made his way to the entrance of the showers. He stops still in front of me. “You coming, Y/n/n? No offence but you kind of stink, not unlike me.”, he offers me a sympathetic and playful smile.
I stifle a chuckle, though still displeased with the idea, I follow him in. We pass Hen who smiles at us before leaving.
Buck turns and strips himself of his shirt, discarding it on the bench that lines the wall opposite the showers. He pauses and turns around to face me when he notices I haven’t moved from where I’m standing.
I feel awkward, at a loss of what to do. A constant debate in my mind of what I should do and what I want to do.
“Y/n.”, he says, moving closer to me. Gently he places his hands on my shoulders. “Is this about what happened earlier?”
I look him in the eyes nervously before looking away. Tears brink in my eyes, my bottom lip quivering. I raise my hand to my mouth, anxiously biting at my nails in a subconscious effort to distract myself.
Carefully as though I may break, Buck lowers my arm and engulfs me in a tight hug. It’s now that tears start falling, soft sobs into the firm chest of the man hugging me. His hand strokes my hair, “Shh, sweetheart.”, he soothes.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about, especially when it comes to us.”, he says regarding the rest of the crew. “No one here is going to judge you and in the extremely unlikely scenario that they did, they’d have me to deal with.”
My sobs quiet down, Buck places a light kiss on my forehead and pulls away. “C’mon, let’s get you showered.”, his voice is gentle and caring and provides me a comfort in which I much so needed. His thumb swipes runny mascara from my cheek and he smiles down at me affectionately, a smile I can’t help but force myself to think could be amused and judging.
I nod my head, “Okay.” My voice comes out low and hoarse as I push the idea of Buck judging me out of my head.
Buck walks over to the light switch and flicks it off. The room is left dim but not in complete darkness as daylight pours in from small windows near the ceiling.
Behind me his fingertips grab onto the hem of my shirt, resting there. “Is this okay?”, he murmurs and gestures to lifting it.
“Yeah.”, I say quietly with a nod. He lifts the navy shirt over my head and throws it onto his. Buck scoops my hair up and moves it over my shoulder out of the way.
Buck pauses, “If you get uncomfortable tell me and I’ll stop.”
Goosebumps ripple along my skin at the feeling of the cold air and his touch. His fingers hook under the clasp of my bra, undoing it and letting it slide off my arms.
I step away from Buck and make sure to stay facing away from him, “I’ve got the rest.”
I wait until Buck is fully undressed and under the water. Steam rises as the hot water hits the tiled floor and Bucks large muscular back.
Once completely unclothed I join him, walking in front of him slowly and making minimal eye contact. My arms once again crossed over my chest.
Buck’s hair is drenched along with his face and body. The hot water helps ease my nerves and wash away the tension, our skin turning red at the temperature. The dirt and grime runs off our bodies, brown and red flowing down the drain until eventually it’s clear.
Behind me, Buck squirts some shampoo into his hand and runs it through the roots of my hair and massages it into my scalp. Our bodies may both be bare and very close but the intimate experience stays innocent.
Under the stream of water Buck rakes his hands through my hair and washes out the soapy substance before adding conditioner and shifting my hair over my shoulder. He lays a kiss on the shoulder without hair, staying there for a moment. Buck’s so overcome with the feeling of longing, longing that I could love myself and see myself just as he does. And I wish for that too, I really do.
We don’t talk but we don’t need to, the silence is comfortable and I eventually start to fully unwind.
The blonde behind me rubs my shoulders a few times before lathering soap onto his hands.
His hands innocently wander over the curves and crevices of my back. I close my eyes and I relish in the feeling of being able to exist without judgement even if it’s only with one person or only in this one moment.
Buck’s hands travel down the length of my arms. I suck in a deep breath as I know it’s time to turn around.
“Y/n.”, he says at my hesitation. Slowly I turn, water rinsing the soap from my back and the conditioner from my hair.
I don’t look at his face until his hand cups my jaw and gently forces it up so my eyes lock with his.
“Hey, we’re already here. Nothing is changing, I’m not going to suddenly be disgusted by you or whatever you think is going to happen, sweetheart.”, Buck professes.
I find myself at a loss of words, no one has treated me just how Buck does. “It’s just hard to believe, Buck.”, I reply looking at him sheepishly.
He nods his head in understanding, “I know, but you have to try.”
Buck reaches for the soap again but gets interrupted by the loud sound of the bell ringing. He lets out a sigh, not annoyed that he didn’t get to properly wash himself but rather at the fact he felt like he failed at trying to make the woman most important to him see how wrong she was about her feelings towards her body.
We both hurriedly dry off and pull on our clothes, being forced to forget prior events.
As we go throughout the rest of the day I can’t help but get flustered when I look at Buck or when sitting in the fire engine and his thigh brushes against mine.
I never thought I’d wish to be back, naked, in front of Evan Buckley.
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My favorite 9-1-1 Buck Headcanons that we have all basically accepted as unofficial canon
bobby having paperwork already filled out for when buddie happens
Hen having a betting pool organized around when buddie gets together and Athena winds up being the one who wins
Literally everyone knowing buddie is in love way before they do
Eddie, Bobby and Athena all having an intense hatred for the Buckley parents and have get togethers to plan for supporting Buck whenever they are gonna be around
Buck absolutely loves getting flowers
Eddie/Tommy or whoever you ship with Buck loves giving him little kisses on his birthmark
Buck who had never been really looked after loves being taken care of
Buck absolutely melting whenever he gets truly heart felt compliments or praise
Clipboard!Buck being absolutely adorable and/or hot to Eddie and/or Tommy
Clipboard!Buck being the rest of the crews worst fear and Ravi’s personal nightmare.
Buck being the favorite adult to all the 118 kids
Buck regularly meeting up with May and the two of them having an off-screen sibling relationship
Buck being absolutely adored by Eddie’s Abuela and Tia Pepa
Bobby and Athena are Buck’s unofficial parents
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