#probably not realistic at all but i entertain myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mj-ackerman · 2 months

Text

Translation of Tatsuya Endo's Interview with Katsumaru: (You can read the original here X)

Katsumaru: My wife and child are both big fans of "Spy x Family", so they were both excited for me to be able to meet you today. Why did you choose the theme "Spy" in the first place?

Endo: I didn't have any particular desire to draw a spy story or something like that, but I had always liked military kinds of things and was interested in war related things, so when I combined those aspects with the theme of "lies", it naturally ended up as a spy story. However, I haven't seen many spy movies, and for movies like "007", I've only seen one or two of them.

Katsumaru: What? Really? The information about spies that appears in the story, even for someone like me who's been an avid follower of the genre, gives an impression that it's very well thought out. How on earth did you acquire such knowledge?

Endo: Most of it is from books. And then some of it is from documentary films and the likes. There was an old movie called "Shiri" (This is a 1999 Korean film), it's about the battle between North Korean Special Operation Forces and South Korean Intelligence Agency. I liked that very much.

Katsumaru: The setting, in which the husband, Loid, is a spy and the wife, Yor, is an assassin, reminded me of the movie "Mr & Mrs Smith"

Endo: When the series was just starting, I see that title being mentioned a lot in the comments, but to be honest I've never seen it before....(Laughs). I didn't have much time to prepare for the serialization, and since it's a comedy, I thought I didn't have to be that particular about the settings as I drew it. I incorporated the knowledge I had gained from books, but since it's still a manga, I kept the "No way, that's impossible" aspects to it.

Katsumaru: I think it has a really good balance between realistic depiction and entertainment. Spies are part of everyday life, and some of them even established a "fake family" as in "SPY X FAMILY". In reality, there are cases where married couples had been living together without realizing that their husbands are spies.

Endo: That balance is what I pay the most attention to. I guess you can say it's a process of determining the "minimum level of reality" in each scene.

Katsumaru: How concerned are you about the difference between "reality and manga", Endo-sensei?

Endo: This one is difficult. It's a case by case basis, but in manga, there are many parts where I can just go "let's fake the reality at this part for the time being". When you're working alone, you don't have time to do research about this or that fact. However, in anime, you have to create much more detailed settings, so there isn't much room to put on tricks. When the anime team would ask me "What would happen in this part?" I would often reply with "I'm sorry but I haven't thought about it yet...." (Laughs).

Katsumaru: Have you not strictly defined the scene or time period the story is set in yet?

Endo: I had the image of the period setting somewhere between the 1960s and 1970s. I'm trying to explore what I can do with the technologies in this era thinking "This technology might be possible". I also have softened the reality of things, such as the political form. The cold war between the East and West is also part of the motif, but if you just tell the readers that "it's a conflict of ideologies" , it won't make sense to them. So, I put it into a form that is easy to understand as a manga, there are also some parts that I, myself don't know about after all. Similarly, in the real world, for example, spies probably have very few horizontal connections, right? Like for security reasons. However, as a manga, in order to develop the story, it was necessary for me to depict conversations between spies. All the more that this is a comedy story, so it wouldn't work without conversation. It's difficult to find the right flavor between the two.

Katsumaru: It's pretty unique that you came up with the name "Dalc" which is similar to the name of the currency "Mark" (It's Deutsche Mark which is no longer in use since 2002) used in Germany.

Endo: It's actually a combination of "Mark" and "Dollar". I often use names of places and buildings that actually exist in real life. However, I have a pretty bad memory, so I often ask myself later "Where did I get the name of this place again?" (Laughs)

Katsumaru: Is there any expert historical research or supervision of intelligence agencies involved in this?

Endo: I basically think about all the detailed settings all by myself.

Katsumaru: Since the real-life aspects are well-constructed, I thought an expert in international politics was involved in supervising this.

Endo: There are also some readers who read too deep into the historical situation, but I didn't actually put much thought into the details in writing the story. This is just a fictional country called "Westalis and Ostania" after all.

Katsumaru: In "Spy x Family", there are some Russian-speaking names such as "Anya" and "Yuri" that appears, but spies in that country uses more analog method. For example, "flash contact", in which documents are handed over to another person as they pass each other, or a "drop dead", in which documents are hidden in an agreed-upon location and later picked up by a colleague. There is also a method for communication. Although this method is considered extremely inefficient, it is sometimes considered to be highly secure because it prevents interception of communications.

Endo: So there's still that kind of analogs even now huh? Now that technology has developed and everything is digitalized, I certainly think it's much safer now. In other countries, there are organization such as M16 (United Kingdom Secret Intelligence Service) and CIA (US Central Intelligence Agency), Japan also has organizations with such characteristics.

Katsumaru: The "Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department Public Security Bureau (Public Safety)", where I worked, is the counterintelligence arm of Japan. In "VIVANT" (It's a 2023 Japanese Drama), which I supervised, Hiroshi Abe and Ryo Ryusei are playing roles with these type of characters. We have obtained as collaborators people who have a lot of information and people who are in position to meet various people such as reporter.

The only problem was that we didn't have enough people. The CIA has a large number of subordinates under it's station chief, and a large budget. When I was temporary transfered to a Japanese embassy overseas, I was alone, my budget was limited, and I was also reponsible for issuing passports, so there is no doubt that working at an intelligence agency overseas with better environment had allowed me to concentrate more on my mission.

Endo: Do you hire locals overseas?

Katsumaru: There are times when we ask locals to work with us by paying them a reward. Or, we can ask them to connect us with people who has information. The Public Safety is very good at finding and training people who can bring good quality information and can do good work.

#spy x family #sxf spoilers #sxf #spy x family interview #tatsuya endo #endo tatsuya #please do not repost

120 notes · View notes

immortalthunderstorm · 12 days

Text

The Alicent-Larys Conondrum

I'm back with some thoughts™️ on the HOTD fandom's hot topics. This time - something I've seen discussed quite a lot and what seems to be a controversial topic - the dynamic between Larys and Alicent, and mostly how a lot of the blame gets shifted onto her. There's a general tendency of overt victim blaming when it comes to Alicent herself, and often situations in which she is subjected to trauma get twisted into her own shortcomings rather than those of her perpetrators. The marriage to Viserys is one example, but the same arguments are used for her scenes with Larys.

I thought I'd try and analyse it a bit more from Alicent's perspective, though I don't disagree that the show has left this incredibly dubious at times and I really think that e.g. the foot scene was unnecessary.

Obviously Matthew Needham already provided a pretty great take on Larys as a character and his perspective on the dynamic, so I won't get into that myself here, but recommend having a listen to what he has to say.

1. Alicent should have dismissed or reported Larys after she learned of his Harrenhal stunt

I actually think it makes perfect sense that Alicent doesn't dismiss Larys despite being horrified by his actions.

The earlier episodes of the season make a point of how Alicent is isolated and lonely in the Red Keep. She says herself, she has no friends, no real allies, her former companion lied to and 'betrayed' her, got her father fired and therefore left her without her last constant family member by her side. She is heavily traumatised, forced into a marriage she doesn't want, forced to birth child after child and mostly ignored or dismissed by her ailing husband. She is queen in all but name, her job is to look appropriate, make sure the courtiers are entertained, and most of all give the king children.

Before even Criston joins her, the only person who approaches her is Larys. He seems empathetic, talks to her openly (or so she thinks), pretends to care about her as a person. This is where she is probably most vulnerable, most alone. Of course she falls for it, I don't think anyone can realistically blame her for that, she's a lonely teen forced to be a mother in what is essentially a toxic environment. Plus it is Larys who tells her of Rhaenyra's 'betrayal', which turns out to be true, so in a way he 'proves' his loyalty to her by disproving Rhaenyra's.

Later on he is the one who supports her when she vents about Rhaenyra and her bastards, they have dinners together, an honest friend and sympathetic ear in a metaphorical snakepit. And then, he goes as far as killing his own family, something that Alicent is horrified by, but it shows just how far his capabilities stretch. He has a spy network, he can get her information no one else can, information that can give her shreds of power and influence. He can make things happen without anyone ever suspecting that he, and by implication her, was involved. Larys makes himself invaluable to her and is not easily replaced.

I do disagree that she has some great power over him as a lot of people like to claim. Larys would not confide in her if that would bring him in any great danger. Realistically, accusing him would be such a wild theory, plus the absolute no go of double kinslaying, plus he's a very high ranking Lord, I'm not actually sure people would believe her - she doesn't have proof either. Viserys has absolutely not had her back ever, he has the spine of a wet slice of bread, I doubt that he'd simply put him on trial and kill him (each High Lord is an asset to the crown and if he starts "randomly" beheading people that could cause problems, like Ned Stark, like Rickard Karstark (let's put Vaemond aside here because there should have been consequences)) because Alicent said so? All that on top of Viserys' general strategy of ignoring everything that could be a "political headache" to him, my confidence in him is quite low.

And again, why would Alicent rat Larys out? He benefits her and is her main ally at court. She is shocked at how far he went, but in the end it did get rid of both Harwin and Lyonel, which caused Rhaenyra to leave and Otto to resume his position as Hand. Alicent did not condone the murders and would not have sanctioned them had he asked - but to her he is loyal beyond doubt and most importantly only to her (in her head) - later when he offers to give her Lucerys' eye she openly refuses, BUT she acknowledges how far he is willing to go for her. She'd be stupid to rat him out that would only disadvantage her.

2. The Foot Scene

Now in episode 9, Alicent is in a highly stressful situation. Aegon is to be crowned after she spent the entire day fretting he was missing or dead in a ditch somewhere, she had to fight her father and essentially most of the council not to send assassins after Rhaenyra, she had to find Aegon first to be the voice of reason to him, she is clearly distraught over Viserys death and scared for her children.

This is not the time and place for mistakes, every move has to count and nothing can slip through the cracks. Larys knows this, and he knows that he and his spies are going to be very important in the coup to come, and he knows he is the only one who can provide this. So does Alicent. She may be queen, but in actuality she wields very little power in this instance. The green council scene showed that they plotted behind her back, her father most of all, and clearly don't take her very seriously.

Essentially in episode 9, she's trying to outrace Otto and establish herself as more than a pawn. In a time where war is all but inevitable and she has enemies both outside and within the Red Keep's walls, and her children's lives are at stake - how could she refuse Larys who can provide her with valuable intelligence? By giving in to his "demands" she learns that her handmaiden is a spy which is a very important revelation.

It's hard to try and make sense of how their power dynamic switched to such extremes, we don't know whether it's happened before, in which capacity and for what. Clearly she is aware of what he wants, but how did that come up? How did this develop? We can't know so I refrain from making assumptions for any other times.

Her symbolically selling her body again for all this is a price she is willing to pay, but it doesn't make it any less of a SA (and yes, I've seen a lot of people dismissing this as consensual since she willingly took off her shoes for this. It's giving 'she asked for it'). Alicent is deeply disgusted, she can't look at him, she probably already has a very twisted view on herself and her body as something that belongs to others and he abuses that. But she indulges him because she realistically doesn't really have any other choice. He has made himself irreplaceable.

This doesn't mean it's consensual. Consent would mean that Alicent did this because she wants to, finds some enjoyment in it, and hasn't been pressured into it. But that's far from the truth. She does it because she feels like there's no other way for her to get this valuable intelligence, so she endures it despite clearly being uncomfortable and disgusted. I am so tired of everything being blamed on her just because people don't like or understand her character.

#alicent hightower #hotd #house of the dragon #larys strong #team green #pro team green #anti team black #pro alicent hightower

51 notes · View notes

yanderederee · 7 months

Note

I want a yandere too. I want someone to love me even with my flaws, bc I tend to lose focus and I do things last min and I'm neurodivegent and I feel like most of my yanderes (especially baji) wouldn't judge me or see my as weird.

Just wanted to pit this out there bc I saw your tags on my last asks and I wanted to respond to that and ig start a discussion or suggestion?

I hope u accept.

For a while now, I’ve been shifting this ask through my head to conjure a proper response …

For starters, I forgot Yandere was part of the prompt I started writing; so I see this as headcanon in Baji’s actions/reactions in types of situation. I could write a whole separate indulgence piece on how yandere!Baji would develop past this:)

I find myself taking a realistic approach to it all. At first/in youth, I don’t think Baji has enough maturity to really understand other people’s neurological/psychological struggles. He’ll understand there’s some tension in those aspects, but I feel that Baji would be quick to frustrate.

Baji doesn’t understand why you’re suddenly giving him the cold shoulder, when in reality you’ve found yourself non-verbal. It wasn’t that fucking hard to place a food order?

Let Baji be dramatic at first. Let him pick apart what’s actually happening.

Once he sees the way you struggle and try to muster the courage to ask for a refill of your drink, he’s in awe with how relieved and proud of yourself you are after managing the small task.

He’d probably seem pissed off and go quiet himself, but it’s cause Baji is mulling the idea over in his head how you can’t to feel that way.

“What gets you so nervous about being in public anyway?” Baji asks blatantly.

You felt this question at the tip of his tongue all day, and while his actions were putting you more on edge, you noticed little details.

You would notice how his tone is lower, not scowling or rolling his eyes at you anymore. You could tell he felt guilty for his immaturity, after his own actions and choice of words.

Just, the way you were so quick to put up your defenses confused him.

“There’s a lot of … unknowns, I guess.. it doesn’t really make sense to me either, Keisuke… I just— my body reacts like I’m doing something, wrong. Like, I’m inconveniencing everyone around me. If I wasn’t standing here, If I wasn’t taking up someone else’s time, other people’s lives would be more… convenient.”

You could tell you were barely getting anywhere with him, but he was trying to understand. So you kept trying to help him understand.

“L-like even now… if I hadn’t dragged you out to hang out with me today, your time could have been better spent. Mikey and Draken invited you out right? But you declined on my behalf..” you smiled, but that same tinge of guilt hit hard.

“Yeah, doing the same lame shit I’ve done for the last week, no creative pass times with those bone heads sometimes,” he laughed. “You don’t think I’m having fun now?” Baji asked.

“Well, it can be hard to tell,” you chuckled back, weary of meeting his gaze. “I can’t really tell if I’m being entertaining enough, or when people get tired of my needless input. I’m.. kinda slow, I guess, I lose focus on what’s happening sometimes and suddenly I’m not on the same page as everyone anymore. But, like, with everything.”

“Does that make sense?” You sighed, heart palpitating in suspense.

It felt good to vent out all the things that made you anxious, especially when you can’t tell why most of the time. Maybe in time, it would.

Baji cycled through your words, silently.

“I… think so.” He mumbled, scratching the back of his head.

“That part of you’s kinda, what I like about you, though?”

Your eyes twitched, and with an unbelieving look, you eye him cautiously.

“Like yesterday, when you spaced out while Chifuyu and I were arguing about Gekijyo, you suddenly jumped right in with a whole other thing from left field. It was hilarious, but I just remember thinking, ‘who the hell thinks of stuff like that?!’ In-in a good way… you’re pretty smart, yaknow. I really respect the way you handle yourself when you’re caught off guard.”

“Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me, how you go through live so cautiously and worried all the time. But you make smart analysis out of situations that seem unwindable, and,” Baji held out his hand, and carefully pulled a stray hair from your face.

“I just can’t help but like you. You’re funny, and encouraging. When you’re comfortable, you shine. I see so much passion in you, and can’t help wanting to fuel that part of you.”

Baji gently pressed his palm against your cheek.

Sure, little things could sweep you up in thought, distracting you to the point of frustration. So long as he could keep quipping back and forth, laughing, and watching you smile so genuinely— Baji imagined he could take on some of those struggles of your behalf. Maybe, with just a little weight lifted off your conscious, he could watch you grow and eventually take them on with ease, with a smile.

꘏

Over time, Baji would pick up on any stims you had, if you had any.

Started picking up on signs that something was becoming too hard for you to handle, or perhaps comprehend.

He learned your mannerisms, and how to talk out down from any panics you may undergo.

Baji takes it upon himself to learn about the people he cherishes.

He doesn’t drop people because they’re too hard to deal with. Baji doesn’t break off ties, especially when he can tell you’re working through struggles. Physical and psychological.

Baji Keisuke would eventually become surprising attentive, but mostly only with his partner.

He doesn’t walk on egg shells around them, but he will reconsider if he’s acting too harshly.

#I may have went about answering this totally wrong but #honestly I just wrote what felt right #feel free to elaborate #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers x reader #baji keisuke #baji #baji x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #soft yandere #not really yandere #sorry #I hope I didn’t lose your interest

71 notes · View notes

after-midnight-notes · 2 years

Text

What Do People Assume About You? | General Tarot Reading, Pick-a-Card

Disclaimer! Tarot is for entertainment purposes only & not meant to dictate professional or medical advice.

relax & choose with your intuition ✨

━━━━━━━━━ ✉️ ━━━━━━━━━

Pile 1 | Dendritic Agate

Cards Drawn: The Star, Eight of Coins, King of Coins, Order (Moon in Virgo), Eight of Hearts (Sun), Eight of Hearts (Moon)

What’s really interesting in this pile is that the cards pulled for the position of the sun and the moon are literally the same card mirroring one another. You seem like the kind of person that doesn’t like to beat around the bush for practical reasons, meaning, you don’t feel the need to shield away vital aspects of your character from others. It’s like “well, why would I present myself as someone that’s different from who I actually am, that’s no way to make friends,” which is such a practical way to look at meeting people that it’s pretty endearing! So while you’re logical in your sincerity, you tend to be upfront and genuine which is something people feel gravitated towards. As well as this, you’re persistent and tend to see each of your agendas through to the end. Even when things get difficult, it’s like you also have a realistic approach to hopefulness and are thinking one step ahead. When disappointing things happen to you, you are able to honor both your emotional body and your logic to begin to dust yourself off and move forward. Now, persistence isn’t usually a pretty thing, so even when you are feeling down, as if something is unconquerable, people still look up to you and your ethics. They don’t have to see or feel all the hardships that you’ve had to overcome, they only see that you continuously succeed. This could cause some some people to view you as conceited or arrogant when in reality they aren’t seeing the whole picture of what actually goes into your accomplishments. If you were to ask me, I’d avoid those types of people, but at the same time they aren’t always upfront about their ill-feelings. Naturally, you are more reserved and modest with your emotions, but you’re still true to yourself in all that you do and know when it’s appropriate to share your emotions in an orderly fashion—because of this people find you quite genuine and kind, they can find themselves drawn to your sincerity since that emotional side of you is not so commonly shared with others. No matter what their opinions or you, it’s no question that people wonder about you. In your mysterious you’ve given them just enough to linger and imagine what’s really going on inside of your mind. All in all, I think you’re a proper gem :)

━━━━━━━━━ ✉️ ━━━━━━━━━

Pile 11 | Carnelian

Cards Drawn: Page of Swords, Ace of Cups, Eight of Swords, Flattery (Venus in Gemini), Three of Spades (Sun), Seven of Hearts (Moon)

When people first meet you, they immediately are drawn in with your wit and charm. It’s like you ooze a particular friendliness that makes you easy to talk to, once people have found themselves finished with the conversation they will find themselves in awe of such a natural interaction. I think this could have been developed in your childhood/early adolescence as a form of ‘people pleasing’, and it probably started off as a way of observing people to get the best possible reaction from them. You also naturally had the gift of communication to begin with and wanted to ensure that people got the best possible impression from you. It’s also possible that you could use people as an external force to keep negative emotions at bay, and instead of listening to these uncomfortable sensations you’d much rather find a friend to spend time with. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to people during times of need yet it seems like there’s a certain level of avoidance here that needs to be addressed. It could also be an unconscious decision to seek out activities to do during times of distress. Regardless, for as invested as you are in your social life, there is also give-and-take involved. Meaning that you tend to get in over your head when it comes to people, resulting in a fierce burnout that is completely unavoidable despite your efforts. It can come at inopportune times as well, making you come across as unreliable to others and prone to broken promises. Of course, I don’t think this is intentional on your part at all and you absolutely despise letting others down. Because you have the tendency to ignore your emotions at times when they are low, it accumulates to the point where you can’t ignore them anymore. You may be thinking to yourself that the people pleasing aspect of yourself is the root of your charm and conversational talent, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. People see you and are drawn to you not because of your agreeability, but because you offer something fresh and new, a colorful and characteristic perspective. They are drawn to you because of your heart. The people that benefit from your tendencies to prioritize others above yourself wouldn’t put in that same amount of effort if asked to return it, so largely they are undeserving of your time. The people that are worth your time and energy are the ones that would be more than happy to see you commit to boundaries that would help to heal you.

━━━━━━━━━ ✉️ ━━━━━━━━━

Pile 111 | Polychrome Jasper

Cards Drawn: The Lovers, The Star, The Fool, Decision (Mars in Gemini), Ace of Clubs (Sun), Ace of Spades (Moon)

When people think of you, they see someone who is very confident and carefree, perhaps a little childish, who loves to live in the moment and has an abundance of optimism and prosperity. In their eyes, nothing could ever go wrong for you, everything always ends up in place even if you are making reckless and hasty decisions. You’re able to take risks without ever feeling the weight of a consequence and you face everything with vivacious liberty. Some people might wonder how you’ve made it so long being as lighthearted as you are, especially when it appears as though you just march into whatever happens to be going on without a second thought or sweat. These people are able to think this way because on the inside you bottle it all up, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. On the inside, it’s a careful process of calculation and purpose, a balancing act. There’s definitely a prevalent worry, whether it is about the future or bad luck that prefers to translate itself into an exact opposite: vivaciousness. You probably shy away from difficult topics and debates because you hate being the bearer of bad news. In most cases, when things get uncomfortable or difficult between other people, you’d much rather remain as clueless as most people paint you as to be as unaffected as possible. Despite this façade, you are actually quite dexterous, being somewhat of a “jack of all trades”. You’re quick-witted and passionate about your opinions even if others don’t see it often compared to the other side of you. The more you shy away from the argumentative aspects of yourself, it could come as a detriment. Quick decision making skills as well the natural inquiry to gather information makes you sharp, you think fast and hit even faster. Most people wouldn’t expect this from you, especially at first glance since they don’t see the need to assume much from your imaginative and vivacious personality. In fact, many people might write you off as unprofessional or immature due to the fact they can’t harmonize both aspects of themselves as well as you can. You have the ability to showcase that two seemingly contrasting aspects can coexist together harmoniously, seriousness and the not-so-serious, and you definitely make people take a double-take when you’re able to switch between being happy-go-lucky and astute, forcing people to know that you’re not one to underestimate.

━━━━━━━━━ ✉️ ━━━━━━━━━

Pile 1v | Black Moonstone

Cards Drawn: The Hanged Man (Reversed), Seven of Wands, Judgement, Detachment (Venus in Aquarius), Nine of Spades (Sun), Queen of Diamonds (Moon)

The first thing I felt while shuffling for this pile was the sensation of gentle waves slowly pulling a rowboat back and forth—of course, the reason why the boat wasn’t being dragged off with the currents was because it was still steadily tied to a dock. This analogy especially feels fitting for this pile because you definitely seem like the kind of person that lies in wait and is overly cautious. People may consider you a homebody or anxious due to your long periods of inactivity. Your way of making friends is not standard, and you like to appear as ‘friendly’ without being too warm. This could be because of a hesitancy to become close to new people out of fear of the unknown or apparent judgement due to the fact that you’ve been told in the past that your mannerisms and habits are odd. You’re the kind of person that assumes the worst but hopes for the best, but mentally you gravitate more towards thinking and pondering the worse which lends a hand in your stagnation and apprehension towards change. If you aren’t 100% sure of a situation or person, it’s highly unlikely you’re willing to go out of your way (and comfort zone) to be around it. There’s quite a heavy level of shoving required to even get you to consider leaving your comfort zone, however there is another side to this coin as you are very tied and true to your moral code, even if others find it eccentric. Because of this, if certain occasions arise that fit into the description of your ethics, you would follow suit and see it through. Once the initial ‘shove’ is through, it slowly opens you up and allows new opportunities to trickle through slowly but surely. It could be possible that, on some level, you would like to be seen as someone outgoing and friendly while still remaining true to who you are. No matter what, you remain loyal to what you know to be right and wrong and base your actions off of this code intently. Due to your habit of long pondering, your morals are hard and fast, and they could be a reason why you take so much time making sure that you are as correct as possible. There wouldn’t be a time where you could simply disregard your moral code for anything. Where people read you wrong is that they assume you’re just not interested in making friends or being around others. You definitely have an inclination to just as anybody else would have as a social creature, you simply like to pick and choose your moments based on your comfort and you prioritize this over most things.

━━━━━━━━━ ✉️ ━━━━━━━━━

1K notes · View notes

mdhwrites · 4 months

Note

I saw a post a while ago lambasting Amphibia for having its characters 'do the most horrendous shit imaginable' for the sake of comedic plots and get off far too easily for it. In their view, Amphibia took slapstick comedy way 'too far' sometimes. I thought this was quite hyperbolic; the protagonists made serious mistakes, but rarely anything I'd call unforgivable, especially since they'd almost always show a level of remorse. But it did make me think about the way immoral acts are portrayed in comedic shows, and how we, as viewers, can tolerate and forgive things we probably wouldn't in real life because of the way these acts are presented to us.

I mean, think about Hop-Pop using mind control on Anne, Sprig and Polly in Children of the Spore. If anything like that happened to you in real life, chances are you wouldn't react to someone violating your body and mind by shrugging your shoulders and going 'well, guess we pushed you pretty far.' You'd probably beat the shit out of HP and never talk to him again. But that episode is kinda self-aware about the awfulness of it all (which I love). Polly flat-out says the old frog crossed all kinds of ethical and moral lines XD

Going back to the whole 'too far' accusation, though, I'm pretty sure we're smart enough to understand the difference between a silly frog show and real-life crimes. I don't think there needs to be super realistic consequences to everything (as the post I mentioned was suggesting) when your focus is on writing a slice-of-life fantastical comedy. I guess the only real argument you could make is 'but it's teaching kids to forgive absolutely atrocious, unforgivable things!' And...maybe? But I'm pretty sure any kid with their head screwed on straight understands not to replicate or forgive immoral behaviour too easily.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is, do you think characters doing awful things for the sake of comedy or plot can go too far, in that they can unintentionally make characters far too heinous to sympathize with, or do you think complaints like those of the post I mentioned above are a result of taking something far too seriously? Is there even such a thing as 'too far' when it comes to slapstick comedy?

So let's talk about intent, tone and framing because these things REALLY matter to a story. It's actually part of the problem with fandoms wanting everything to be realistic, darker, etc. because they're really asking for one thing: For them to all be the same. To not be what they are because, you know, the fact that these are comedy cartoons for kids MATTERS.

But first let's actually shift gears AWAY from cartoons for a second to talk about things being genuinely irredeemable for comedy. MANY people are really against prank style reality tv because it preys so completely on human suffering. Because these people are doing terrible things to just normal people. I personally don't like the premise... But I like Impractical Jokers. That show frames it DEMONSTRABLY more about terrible things happening to these four friends, by these four friends, and usually the worst they do to others is leave them a little confused or a bit uncomfortable. One of the big elements to changing this is that all the challenges are effectively dares. Someone either commits to the bit or if it becomes too much, they dip out but they are ALLOWED to dip out, minus the final jokes which are always pretty much purely at the Joker's expense.

Are these four people bad people? No. But part of why we also know that is because it's television and they're doing it to entertain as part of being comedians. Bizarrely enough, a lot of modern cartoon fandoms seem to want to act like fiction IS reality. It's where you get people going "Oh, you're being so cruel to a 14 year old, nuerodivergent girl!" and me going "I'm being critical of a character in a narrative. Can you please stop telling me, an actual human being in the real world, to kill myself because of a fictional character?"

Because shock of all shocks, PEOPLE CAN TELL REALITY FROM FICTION! In fact, even kids can! The fucking video game industry had to go through this hell HARD to prove that killing people in a video game is not the same as having psychopathic tendencies in the real world. Do you know how many kids play CoD? And those kids are fine. At least most of them.

So with all of that preamble out of the way: When can a morality focused show fuck up?

It's actually incredibly rarely in the terrible things the characters do because the show USUALLY addresses these elements as part of the moral of the day.

For the example given of Hop Pop's mind control, it is shown as... Eerie to put it mildly. Even from go, Hop Pop only enjoys it so long as he doesn't have to interact with it. It is never framed as a positive besides a bit selfishness. However, Hop Pop is a good enough person to show genuine remorse and try to fix this. He puts in a lot of effort, is admonished as the lesson of the day is learned to not try to control people and to potentially compromise and then it MOVES. ON. Because they live in a fantasy world where anyone could die at any second. A day of none thoughts is not actually that big of a deal, especially since it wasn't done out of malice or even really on purpose. It's a part of the fun of the setting and of the fantasy genre as a whole that you can just do these weird concepts like this and move on because magic happens sometimes. You might grumble for a day or two but hey, at least it was your neighbor and not the king, am I right!? Hail King Andrias.

A big part of this though, and why so many morality driven shows can have characters do terrible things without imparting the wrong lessons, is because it's addressed. Pretty much explicitly. It is framed as wrong, addressed as wrong and then fixed because it was WRONG. Even if it gives momentary gain, that gain is almost always also included in being wrong.

It's actually a formula that Amphibia purposefully breaks for an episode, carrying it over from directly the one before, because there genuinely was one crime committed that hadn't been addressed and by the time it was, that sin had grown to a point where it was too reasonable to have a character still be mad to ignore it: The music box. Hop Pop hiding it is actually an AWFUL thing to do because it dooms Anne, it means her parents will never get closure, dooms the rest of Anne's friends, etc. etc. Hop Pop has to be okay with Anne never quite being fully happy because of always wanting to go home while also living with this false hope that he implanted into her. A trust he has not earned because of the lie.

So even after they theoretically have their morality episode about the box, Amphibia takes this time for such a PERSONAL attack on Anne to stick with her for another episode during The First Temple. It actually acknowledges that you don't get over everything immediately. That sometimes you need space. I don't even like that episode but the break in formula is actually meant to make the message more powerful, and does so successfully, especially because the crime was different. It wasn't of indifference or something quickly fixed. It was of long term AGONY and a complete breach in trust that would make one question what relationship they can have with another person. There's pretty much zero other crimes in the show like that besides Sasha/Marcy's betrayals, which aren't treated as easy fixes, and Andrias' betrayal is the heel turn that makes him the primary antagonist. These crimes, these personal, genuinely awful things to do to other people that could be replicated, unlike so much of the fantasy violence, are usually seen as something you do have to work on. It's a great, nuanced take on being a morality one off show while also being able to elevate some issues to being dealt with more seriously and consistently.

Also, quick note from someone on my Discord: They NEED to do bad things in order to teach! They are meant to be the bad example so when their actions lead to things going wrong, you understand not to copy that behavior. This is honestly storytelling 101 for most... Plots. Not just morals but plots. If the characters do NOTHING, nothing happens and nothing will be learned.

You want a show that will teach kids bad lessons and then reinforce there are no consequences for those? WELCOME TO THE OWL HOUSE! Specifically: The show that tells you to lie and keep secrets because your fear justifies keeping them!

I know that sounds shitty but like... Luz is the main character. For half of the show, she is portrayed as the second most moral character in the show behind Willow. She admonishes stealing, cheating, etc. as her contrast with Eda. Then after Yesterday's Lie... She literally can't stop lying and never faces consequences for it.

The closest actually comes in Falls and Follies where Amity at least forces a promise out of Luz to be more open with her. This actually though doesn't fix the problem, it just makes it WAY WORSE because one of the main targets of these lies, that kids can easily replicate, especially because Luz is almost always lying about things that might upset others which is the most common thing kids will lie about, is Amity. So now we have both lying and breaking promises. You know, two of the most basic morals any kids show should impart on the audience!

In Reaching Out though, Amity gets a little mad but then it's excused because of her dad! In Thanks to Them, no one gives a shit that Luz has been keeping secrets and lying for months. Camila makes sure Luz DOESN'T tell her friends the truth either about her plans. You know, Luz's MOM who should want her daughter to be an honest person. The show then constantly keeps cutting Luz off from telling anyone anything because it literally can't without revealing how bullshit what she's doing is until by the end of the show... Luz hasn't been punished in any way and the lies just... Drift away.

Completely unaddressed.

This causes a problem because while the lies theoretically hurt Luz... They hurt less than losing her friends. Hurt less than disappointing a parent. Hurt less than making her look bad. And this is the main character. The one kids are supposed to connect with the most. The one who usually most explicitly defines the morality of a show. And she is never punished or stopped from all. Of. Her. Lies.

(As a note: This is also how you get a lot of guys taking the wrong lessons from anime perverts. Sure, this guy gets smacked but he never loses his friends. Never faces real consequences. In return... He gets way more ass than the main character does, doesn't he? *gags violently*)

THAT is how you impart bad morals. It's not surprising to me that the fandom for TOH hides behind excuses so much for their show because their literal main character was justified, in fiction, to have all of the terrible things she did, all the choices she didn't have to make or the people she discarded, because she ALWAYS had an excuse. And so long as you have an excuse, by what TOH says, you can get away with fucking anything.

And mind you, that last part is NOT Luz specific. Have a bad uncle? Don't worry Hunter, the fact that you literally hunt, oppress and potentially kill wild witches can be entirely forgotten and ignored. Have a mean mommy? Don't worry Amity, we literally never have to properly address the literal years of bullying you did to another character or even how attempting to kill Luz was wrong. Collector? COME ON! You just had bad friends/family so now you just need good ones and we can forget all about you oppressing people for fucking months!

This isn't addressing these problems. These are excuses. And excuses can seem REALLY appealing to people. After all, how many hide awful acts or statements behind: "Come on, it was just a joke." Shields are useful for trying to avoid criticism after all. If you never acknowledge you were in the wrong, you don't have to feel bad for having done something mean, let alone terrible.

Just to bring it back to Amphibia: Sasha tries to do this. She believes she knows best so she feels justified in all she does because it will make everyone the happiest, at least in her own eyes. Then in Turning Point, she realizes the folly of her ways, addresses that she was a terrible person and plants her foot down FIRM. No more acting the part of protector while actually being a tyrant. She will risk her very life in order to right these wrongs. And we see it also in Commander Anne where she is taking the change seriously. These are two half episodes, a single episode in full, that lets us know that her actions were inexcusable and that they were wrong and now she is allowed to be a part of the good guys now that she has made sure the audience knows that they can look to her as an example.

One full episode to ADDRESS the fact that what Sasha did was wrong and to not excuse it but to learn from it.

That's why all these terrible things protagonists do in shows is fine. They learn from it. They genuinely regret their actions. They show the audience why they shouldn't have done it. It's never okay to the show that they did. Not that it can't be forgiven, because people should be allowed the chance to grow, but that it still wasn't okay.

For a kid's show, that is pitch perfect. It's why moral of the day storytelling exists and I can't really think of any huge errors in this department on Amphibia's side. It's pretty damn good at smacking someone over the head when they act like a jackass. At bare minimum, there are WAY worse examples out there.

======+++++======

This is absolutely one of those criticisms that has me look at the person making it and go "Just admit you don't like cartoons. Or children's media in general probably." Admittedly, there's actually plenty of adult stuff just as childish, no one stays mad in Family Guy, so it's probably just "You don't like cartoons." It's the sort of bad faith criticism that just reveals you as not having actually wanted the product but whatever you thought the product should be.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#amphibia #toh critical #the owl house criticism

50 notes · View notes

wittlesissyb4by · 3 months

Text

Chapter 3 - Dildon’t

Chapter 1 Here

Chapter 2 Here

“Can you uh…tell me where the dildos are?” I asked sheepishly. The girl behind the counter looked at me like I was an idiot, gesturing to the giant wall of rubber dicks behind her.

“Do you need…help?” She asked.

“No.” I wanted to say, but I knew Persephone’s answer would be different if she were here. Instead, she just had to listen to my phone recording from my pocket. I cringed a bit when I said the words I knew she’d prefer. “Yes please.”

Persephone’s task was a simple one: go to a sex store and purchase a dildo. In person. Do not order one online.

To be honest, the wall of dicks was a bit intimidating. There was a vast array of all shapes and sizes. Some were even shaped like dicks that weren’t of the human species. From her name tag, the clerk’s name was Britney. She smirked a bit at my discomfort. I’m sure she’s had 100’s of men walk in and timidly buy a dildo. Hell, they might have had a woman on the other line listening to them do it too. But that probably didn’t make it any less entertaining for Britney. She was very professional though, and was able to mostly hide her amusement as she waved her hand over the array of options.

��Do you want a hard, plastic material? Or more of a realistic, fleshy rubber?” she asked.

“Realistic.” I said before I could stop myself.

Again Britney bit back a smirk, like she already knew that’s what I would choose.

“We have some with balls, and some without. Which would you like?” she asked almost rhetorically, still trying to maintain her professionalism.

I already had an answer prepared. Not only because I knew what would be the more humiliating option, but because Persephone explicitly specified.

“Make sure you get one with balls.” She’d said, “I can’t tell you how many losers we have come into the ER because they shove things up their asses that don’t have a flared base.”

Persephone had all kinds of horror stories from working as a nurse in the Emergency Room. When we weren’t discussing the kinky stuff, and she wasn’t making me feel like a submissive little bitch, we talked about our days. We talked about life, books, our philosophies on religion, metaphysics, and what an asshole Elon Musk was.

“The one with balls please…” I answered Britney.

She led me to the section of realistic dildos complete with a set of rubber testicles, and even a suction cup on the end, another specification I knew I’d need.

“What…size should I get?” I asked, still a bit overwhelmed. The rubber dicks ranged from anywhere between 3 inches, all the way up to 18.

Britney threw her hands up “Hey, man…that’s your decision…” she said. But after seeing me deflate a little, she stepped in again. “I would say 6 if you’re just starting…8 if you’d like to be a little more…adventurous.” She paused again, “Can I ask…where you’ll be using them?”

I thought the answer was obvious, “Uh…at my house?”

“No..no…that’s not what I meant…” Britney laughed, unable to contain it this time, “I mean…which…?”

The realization hit me, and I felt so stupid. “Oh, my…my butt I guess.” I felt so ashamed to say it out loud, but Britney didn’t laugh at that part, just nodded in understanding. So I continued, “Maybe my mouth too…or…both? I don’t really know yet, but why does it matter?”

“It’s just that most…guys…that come in tend to prefer this one with a slight curve for anal. It hits your prostate better, but is harder to get down your throat. Whereas the straight one slides down easier.”

I looked back and forth between the two options. They both looked so realistic. The way the head was shaped, the way the shaft was bulging with veins, even the little indentations on the rubber balls. I found myself having to wipe away some excess saliva from my mouth at that moment.

“I uh…”

“You want them both, don’t you?” Britney smiled knowingly.

I sighed, looking down at the floor. “Yes…yes I do.”

“What size? 6 or 8?”

We both looked at each other, already knowing the answer.

“Eight.” we both said in unison.

“Chocolate? Or Vanilla?” she asked, referring to the color.

Again, it didn’t take much thought. “Both.” I smiled.

I felt more secure now that everything was out in the open. So what if I was a guy buying a bunch of dildos? If I enjoy it, why is that an issue? Britney didn’t see any harm in it, Persephone certainly didn’t and I…wait, did I just admit to enjoying the thought of a bunch of dildos?

After Britney bagged up my new toys, she threw in a complimentary bottle of lube. “Always make sure to use water-based with these, silicon lube will ruin them.” she advised. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

I glanced over at the lingerie section. I could feel my clitty twitching in my panties at the sight. But instead of imagining a beautiful woman wearing them for me, I couldn’t help but picture how cute I would look in it.

Britney caught my eye, but let me take my time.

“That schoolgirl outfit…” I finally said, “Do you have that in a men’s large?”

******

“You were such a good sissy buying a bunch of dicks to play with!” Persephone’s voice message chimed. “You even got a slutty little outfit to wear!!”

I loved it when I got a chance to hear her real voice. Ever since she first sent that first video of a black screen with her seductive vocals I was hooked.

She would only send me tidbits though. When I asked if we could have phone or skype sessions she refused.

“I can’t have you getting too worked up and excited.” She said.

“But I send you videos of me doing…stuff…all the time!” I’d retort.

“That’s because you’re a pathetic little sissy and you like the humiliation.”

I couldn’t argue that.

So it was only when I did something good, when I needed motivation to do something bad, or when she just felt I needed to be teased that she would reward me with vocal messages. Soundbites. Just enough to get me mewling and desperate to earn the next one. Like an addict looking for his next fix. A part of me worried ‘she’ was using a voice modification software, or one of those A.I. programs. Just the other day I saw a hilarious video just the other day of Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and Barack Obama all playing Rocket League and talking shit to each other. If they could make that sound so real, what was keeping this mysterious person from doing the same? I tried not to think about it too much. Ignorance is bliss afterall.

“How did I know you would get a black one? 😂” she typed, “you even got them with balls!!”

“You told me to get them with balls!! 😫” I reminded her.

“No…I told you to get one with a ‘flared base’, it was your decision to make the base a pair of rubber testicles 😜”

Damn it. She was right. Did I choose them because it was what I thought she wanted, or did I choose it because it was subconsciously what I wanted?

“Well I’m off to bed.” She said. “Sweet dreams, sissy. And try to keep them dry 😉”

That was it? She made me go through all this trouble to buy some rubber dicks and she wasn’t even going to make me use them?? I actually felt more than a little disappointed.

I stared at them in their packaging. I even had them laid out next to my new schoolgirl outfit. She didn’t tell me to buy that either, but I did it anyway.

Why would she make me buy them and not let me use them? Sure, I could just do it myself, I didn’t need her to tell me to use them, but just the thought of doing it on my own accord made me feel dirty. “Gay” even. I’m mostly straight, so playing with rubber dicks on my own would hurt that image. For some reason, her telling me to do it would make me feel better about it. It’s not gay if it’s ‘forced’, right?

She didn’t even give me tasks the next day, or the day after that. I wore panties to work even though she didn’t tell me to. I figured she would if she could, she was probably just busy.

But that didn’t stop her from talking with me about other stuff.

“You can’t tell me you don’t find Ayn Rand to be at least a little bit pretentious.” She’d said, “Her writing is dripping with this ‘holier than thou’ attitude that unfettered self-interest is good, and any modicum of altruism is destructive.”

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy our intellectual conversations. I very much did. It helped humanize her and make her less of a fembot that only spewed orders and tasks. But at the same time, I kind of wanted her to give me orders and tasks. Something to do with the new dildos I just bought. Because…I didn’t want the money to go to waste…

I wanted to ask her something like “when are you going to make me play with my toys?” But I didn’t want to sound needy. Or, at least, too eager to shove dicks up my holes.

So on the third night of her not mentioning anything about them, I grew impatient.

I’d already taken the dicks out of the packaging the night before. I just wanted to see how they felt…

Turns out they did have a realistic feel to them. Squishy, yet firm, like actual skin.

So that night I decided to go all in. I put my school girl outfit on. It fit really well, actually. I liked how short the skirt was, how it was slightly revealing and made my pantied ass look so cute. I stuffed the blouse with some socks to give myself a little cleavage. It made my chest look a lot better. I even put my hair in little pigtails using some rubber bands. I didn’t have any makeup, I was always scared of buying it on my own.

I examined the two rubber dicks. Attaching the suction cups to the floor so they were pointing straight up. I didn’t really know where to go from there. This is where I wanted direction from Persephone.

I imagined she’d want me to touch them, so I did, wrapping my hand around each one. They felt big in my palms. They were big. I could barely wrap my fingers around them. But I liked the way they felt. I started stroking them, up and down one at a time, then at the same time. I thought about how I like to be stroked. Not that I’ve been stroked by anyone else, but how I imagined I’d like to be stroked. I put more tension on my thumb and forefinger than anything else. Stroking them up and down and circling around the heads. I did this for a few minutes.

I knew what to do next, everyone does. No one wants to get a handjob all day.

“You’re gonna have to suck it.” I imagined Persephone saying, or perhaps it was my own internal dialogue?

I tentatively bent over. The cock seemed much bigger as I got closer. I opened my mouth, taking the head of the black one inside. It tasted like, well, rubber. It took up more of my mouth than I expected. I tried to go down as far as I could, but it wasn’t much at all. I gagged almost as soon as it touched the back of my throat. I stayed there for a bit, sucking and moving my head just a tad, trying to stroke the other one at the same time.

I felt like such a slut. Sucking and stroking two dicks at a time, bent over in a schoolgirl outfit. I was a bit ashamed at how painfully hard my cock was inside my panties.

I switched my mouth, sucking the white one now, trying to keep them both pleased.

“Mmmphh!!” I heard myself moan, a bit too loudly with the cock in my mouth. Why was this making me so horny??

I pressed my head down as far as I could, trying to deepthroat. I barely even got halfway down before I choked so hard I could taste a bit of bile rising from my stomach. I smacked my tongue to clear the taste, then got back on it. Trying to focus on keeping my teeth from accidentally scraping along the shaft. The dicks were getting wet from me drooling all over them, it made it easier to stroke. I licked the balls the way I saw pornstars do, licking back up the shaft.

Soon, my jaw started to ache. Turns out holding your mouth open for a while makes the muscles around it get fatigued. I took a break, continuing to stroke both.

Again, I knew what the next step was. “Lick it before you stick it,” they always say.

But these dicks were already pretty big for my mouth, I couldn’t imagine fitting one of them in my ass. Maybe I should wait for Persephone, I thought. But another part of me was saying I was already dressed up and horny, what better time than now?

I knew enough about anal sex to know that I couldn’t just shove it in. I had to get my hole ready. I slipped a finger into my mouth to get it wet with my saliva. Reaching back, I pulled my panties aside and pressed it in between my cheeks.

I gasped as it entered. Persephone had made me do this a few times while I was rubbing my clitty.

“Eventually I'm just gonna have you finger yourself and cum just from that.” She’d said.

I still wasn’t quite used to having something in there, but I must have been more relaxed today because it went in easier than usual. I stayed there on all fours, using one hand to finger myself, the other to stroke a fake cock, with the other one in my mouth. I was kind of proud of myself for multitasking so well.

After getting my entire finger inside, I got out the lube Britney had recommended to me at the sex store. I squirted a very generous amount onto my hand, and coated between my crack. My finger slipped in much easier now, so I added a second, and eventually even a third.

“You can never use too much lube.” Britney had said, and I took that to heart, squeezing a large dollop onto the head of the black penis.

It was the moment of truth. Again, the cock seemed to be much bigger now that it was about to go inside my asshole. I brought it around behind me, trying to hold it upward so the lube didn’t slide off. The gel felt cold against my hole, and the head felt ginormous. I took a deep breath, biting my bottom lip, and pressed it inward.

Even going slow, it felt like I was getting stretched open. With only the head entering my rectum, I felt like my sphincter was gonna tear at any moment, every muscle inside was trying to keep it from going inside. I pulled it out, sighing as the pressure released. Then gathered my breath, and tried again.

It took several attempts of going back and forth to finally get it in a few inches. I still felt like I was getting split open, but less so the more I worked it. Over time, my ass seemed to relax and I was able to give it a small in and out motion.

There was a certain spot where it felt really good when I pressed against it. I tried to focus on that, but it also gave me the feeling that I needed to pee.

The position was too awkward to fuck myself and suck the cock in front of me, so I decided to take advantage of the suction cup. I stuck the black dick to the wall, hiked up my skirt, and backed my ass up onto it. I put my hands between my legs to guide it, brushing by my wet and sticky panties as I did so. It was as if there was a constant stream of precum escaping my clitty at all times. I put the other dick under me, able to focus all my forward attention on it.

It was hard not to imagine being used this way. Some big black man behind me, fucking my ass while I sucked off another. My cock was throbbing again while I rocked back and forth on the rubber ones. I was able to take more in both holes now. My gag reflex seemed to have almost disappeared, and I had to have the black dick at least halfway up my ass. It was starting to feel good. Like, really good. I caught myself moaning again, even groaning when the cock accidentally slid out and my ass was left empty. I’d eagerly reach between my legs and aim it back in again.

My panties were sopping. I was incredibly horny. Looking sexy as fuck in my dirty fucking schoolgirl outfit while I fucked myself like a sissy whore. I was pleasing dicks. Two dicks. BIG dicks! Persephone would be so proud of me. I was proud of me.

My thoughts were spinning. My head was spinning. I was in this circular haze of desire and submission. It all felt so wrong, but also so right.

I wanted to cum. I needed to cum. And I wanted it to be while I was spit-roasting myself in the middle of my apartment.

I rubbed the front of my panties the way Persephone always told me. The way I'd made myself cum the last 20 or so times this week. But this was different, I was a slut. I was a whore. I was a sissy.

Then I came, and I felt like a fucking loser.

The post-nut clarity hit hard. After having one of the best orgasms of my life, I snapped back into reality with giant rubber dicks in both of my holes. My drool and ass juices were all over them. My own juices were all over my panties and my new outfit. The dicks suddenly didn’t have the same appeal. The blouse suddenly felt binding. Everything about me just felt…gross. Used. Even though I basically just used myself.

I slid the dick out of my ass, stood up, and looked in the mirror. I really did look like a cheap slut. Outfit and hair all disheveled, I was sweaty, and I had juices leaking everywhere.

I cleaned myself and everything else up while I tried to erase what I just did from my mind.

******

I didn’t tell Persephone about what I did. I was too ashamed, too embarrassed that I let myself get to that point. What did it say about me that I couldn’t resist a pair of rubber dicks?

As the day went by and my libido built back up, I started finding ways to justify it: you spent a lot of money on them, you might as well use them. It’s not gay if they’re not real. It was just one time, what could it hurt?

But it wasn’t just one time. Two days later when I was in the throes of horniness, I did it again. The next day I put one of them higher on the wall and practiced servicing it while I was on my knees.

Persephone’s tasks had been too simple. “Lick the cum from your panties when you’re done playing with your clitty,” or “go to the restroom at work and shove your finger up your ass.”

It left me wanting more. Needing more. I found myself thinking about how much better the rubber dick felt up my butt instead of my thumb.

It was like I wasn’t getting enough from her, but I didn’t know how to ask for more without it looking like I was a gay little whore.

“I’m going to ask you something and I need you to answer honestly.” She said one day.

It always made me nervous when she started a conversation that way. Like when she asked me what my real name was (Alan), where I was from (Lousiana) and if I was a virgin (obviously. Unless you count my schoolgirl escapades…). I probably should have lied about those things, but I was growing to trust her more and more each day.

“Sure.” I sent. “You can ask me anything…”

I always felt a little tension as the Persephone is typing… indicator came up. It seemed to take forever. Or maybe my anxiety just made it seem that way. Finally, her message bubble popped up:

“Have you used one of your dildos already?”

I gulped, a fresh flood of shame filling me. What should I say? Should I tell her I used them without her permission? Would she be mad? Did I even need her permission?

I could just deny it. She had no way of knowing if I was lying. She might even get a little upset and angrily make me use them in order to ‘punish’ me.

I didn’t want to have to tell her that I used them on my own, but this relationship—whatever it was—wouldn’t work if I wasn’t honest.

“Yes Goddess,” I sent, “ I did. I’m sorry 😔”

I cringed from the humiliation, knowing what I did and not knowing how she’d take it.

“Did I say you could use them?”

“No Goddess…”

“But you did it anyway??”

“Yes Goddess…😣”

I braced myself for her wrath. Her reaction and resolution, but instead I got:

“Bahahaha!! How did I KNOW you would??”

I didn’t know what to say to that. The fact that I did it to myself was humiliating enough, but to know that she expected it…

“I’m gonna need you to tell me everything. And i mean *everything*! I want every single detail from how it tasted, how it felt, and how it made you feel.”

And so I did, I typed out every single detail of my adventures with the rubber dicks over the week since I bought them. I was hot with embarrassment the whole time, but I had that submissive chill as well.

“The fact that you fucking spitroasted yourself is just so damn funny to me 😂” she said.

“So you’re not mad?” I asked.

“Mad? Of course I’m not mad! I always expect sissy baby girls to play with their toys! And I find it sooo much more hilarious when I leave them to their own devices, and they end up doing it without me even telling them 😈”

I smacked my face with my palm. She did it intentionally. She purposefully didn’t give me tasks with the dildos because she knew I would play with them on my own, and I played right into her hand.

“This should go without saying,” she typed, “but from now on, you are not allowed to cum unless there’s a dick in your ass or mouth…or both. Unless I say otherwise. You need to learn to associate your pleasure with the pleasing of someone else at the same time.”

It seemed reasonable. I had already been following that particular guideline the last few days anyway. I didn’t have a single orgasm without at least one of those dicks inside me.

“How will you know if I'm following that rule?” I asked.

“I won’t.” She said, “But let’s just say…I trust you will have no problem acquiescing my request 😉”

Damn it, I hated when she was right, and so far she’d been right about pretty much everything.

“Now, because you decided to be a little whore all by yourself, I think it’s time you send me another video, holding up your toys, and using your sissy voice to remind me exactly what a little slut for cock you are…”

To Be Continued

Chapter 7 just got released on my SubStar. If you'd like to check it out, head on over!

#White Rabbit #The White Rabbit

27 notes · View notes

13eyond13 · 2 months

Note

Hello! A question for one of the best DN historians in the platform 😛 so, for all of us who like L/OC romances there's just such a cute dating sim from spiraling trap, and although I don't consider it as necessarily canon (more like part of the extended universe, headcanon as you will) I think it's an interesting start towards a more "realistic" romance with him, if you want to write fanfiction. I don't know if you played it, but L goes from neutral polite/blunt, to interested to feeling the MC gives him peace. I found that phrasing particularly curious because it not only further humanises L but also speaks of how burdened he is, even beyond what we see in canon. How do you think a relationship with him would go, based on this premise? It's good food for thought, at least 🙂 thank you!

Hi, thanks for the sweet and polite ask!

I've never played that game myself, but it does sound like a cute scenario for L. I think it does make sense that in order for L to end up romantically interested and involved with someone he might need to first realize that maybe he would indeed prefer having a partner and someone to share his everyday life with on that level in the first place. Because I'm not sure it's something he would normally be prioritizing or believing that he wants or needs...

My own interpretation of L is almost entirely based on his manga self. I think that manga!L is aloof from others not just for his own protection, but also somewhat because he's secretly fairly arrogant about finding most other people quite boring and not relatable, and would also think it's too difficult to maintain an intimate relationship with most people. I think he's very stubborn, very driven, and also has been a bit spoiled and sheltered, and is not accustomed to navigating typical everyday social situations because of how unusual and often isolated and secretive his life has probably been. And I think he'd likely be a fairly difficult personality for many people to date, either because he's not willing to make the compromises and sacrifices and do the usual expected gestures that might be required for it, or because he logically can't see the point in himself dating people most of the time – I think he would be the type to think or to tell himself that he was not like other people who constantly need companionship in this way, almost looking down on anybody else who does. He definitely defaults to feeling superior about his differences from most people rather than inferior to them most times, I think. Though I'm not sure exactly how explicitly self-aware about that all or vocal about it he would be? I think generally L usually is content just to focus on what interests and entertains him the most, which is being a detective, and that to some degree this is just because it's the only thing he's genuinely actually cared a lot about focusing on before. But also maybe because he's never known anything different and might not feel as cocky about his abilities to navigate something like a romance or a longterm relationship very effortlessly, either (and he probably only really likes doing things he already knows he's good at).

I don't know if he'd actually consider himself terribly "burdened" by his position as L ordinarily, since in canon he says he is doing it because he wants to (whether or not maybe Watari sort of molded him into that role when he was a child as well). So I think the only time he'd start feeling really burdened is if he was getting way in over his head and feeling like he was losing control and losing face and failing, like during some of his darker moments of the Kira case (which I am sure was definitely by far the hardest case he ever had, and also the furthest he ever pushed himself to solve one). In that case I can certainly see him maybe finding someone who managed to comfort and help him in some way during that hard time attractive or enjoyable to have around, and to start thinking about things more like whether or not he would actually enjoy having an everyday partner in that specific way.

I don't really know how to extrapolate on it much further than that, because I don't know what the specific scenario is, and I am not normally an LxOC shipper or LxReader shipper myself. I have never actually read any fics like that before or anything. But hopefully some of this rambling was helpful a bit maybe, haha!

#im the kind of shipper who is mostly only interested in shipping the characters with each other or wtv #just different strokes for different folks #but i hope you have fun with whatever you make #l lawliet #ask #anon #p

12 notes · View notes

burningvelvet · 8 months

Text

my thoughts on the tenant of wildfell hall so far (currently halfway through it)

1 Fergus is the prototypical teenage boy - they’ve never changed through time

2 I initially thought that Helen’s big secret was that she was a sex addict or serial adulterer tbh based on her speeches of indulgences, the focus on her being single, her constant guilt and religiosity, her flirtation with the narrator, the rumours surrounding her and Lawrence, etc.

3 (To compare to Pride and Prejudice which I just finished) Helen’s aunt = Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Boarham = Mr. Collins, Arthur = Mr. Wickham, Gilbert = Darcy, Annabella = Lydia

4 Gilbert striking Lawrence and then spending multiple pages contemplating it and trying to rationalize it afterwards LOL

5 The early meetings with Helen and Huntington and the drawings are so passionate — Arthur taking Helen’s hand, addressing her freely, generally swaggering around, “saving” her from the awful dudes, etc. — you can see why she likes him, you can see why he’s attractive, and all of this makes the story so much more appealing rather than if he had just been a total ass from the very beginning. It’s realistic. However, you can see the red flags early on, such as the non-consensual kiss, among other things. I already know what happens due to spoiling it for myself. Still, I absolutely see Huntington’s appeal as well as how Helen has been led toward him by her unhappy prospects (having to reject Mr. Boarham, her aunt’s harshness, her parents not being in the picture, etc.)

6 Arthur is SO Byronic. He’s so fucking entertaining and I know he’s supposed to be a jokester but he’s also hilarious when he’s not even trying. And I’m not laughing at Helen’s expense — of course domestic unhappiness and abuse is no joking matter IRL — but Arthur’s flippance, bitchiness, flamboyance, etc. is just so true to life and brings to mind the meme about men “having the audacity.”

7 I also think that not only is Arthur’s rumoured affair with the married woman probably true, but his sly hint about Annabella the “great flirt” also means they probably had an affair, and I’m sure he’ll have many other affairs exposed later on (I’m pretty sure I read that cheating becomes a major plot point later on). He was definitely cheating on her in London — her being pregnant, his poor excuses, his sad “you don’t love me anymore” mindset, etc.

8 I’m at the point where Arthur he’s just come home from London and he’s sick — I feel like this is not only a reference to his substance abuse but also probably a reference to STDs (if there’s anything I’ve learned from studying old lit, it’s that old lit is full of non-explicitly mentioned STD tropes).

9 I really cannot put enough emphasis on how much I love the use of paintings and drawings in this book! I feel like this would make a great play or film tbh — the physicality of her trying to snatch the drawing from Arthur, and the hidden pictures on the backs, such as the painting earlier on. I want to watch the adaptation series now.

10 Simultaneously wanting to cry and laugh at Helen confessing to her aunt that Huntington has no morals but she still thinks she can fix him. Every single time!!! “His wife shall undo what his mother did!” Ummmm!!!

11 It’s sad to see Milicent’s marital fate. She’s basically what Charlotte was to Elizabeth. The narrator’s adorable best friend who gets into a loveless marriage with the narrator unable to help, subsequently straining their relationship. I left off around Milicent’s engagement letter so I hope the wedding is called off but it probably won’t be. Milicent and Helen’s mutual naivety is really sad to read.

#currently reading #the tenant of wildfell hall #literature #english literature #analysis #book opinions #book thoughts #anne brontë

33 notes · View notes

snake-and-mouse · 25 days

Text

I'll be honest tho... I'm not upset to have one less reason to open youtube.

I am upset one more bit of joy is ending. I can't afford the subscription, not that I'd have gotten it if I could. Leaving because they don't "fit youtube", which is more hubris than truth, and with three shows made with fan submissions that I don't find appropriate to paywall and charge 6$ for...I'm not sayings it's good Watcher has decided they don't need or want their poor and international fans. But ignoring the debate of it all for a sec-

The very first time youtube tried to make me watch a forty five second unskippable ad, actually four ads in one, just the first ad roll of many for a twenty minute let's play, plus more ads slipped in after the video ends hoping I don't notice and exit fast enough, watched on a tv I can't put adblock on, forty five seconds and unskippable, as someone who remembered being pissed over a decade ago at the very first time I saw an ad on youtube, the only ad I saw the whole fucking day, which became multiple unskippable ads Every Fucking Video-

I knew my days of using youtube for entertainment were officially over. It was the last forty some straws on a camel that should have probably been dead years ago, but had stubbornly held on for convenience and habit until that moment.

Again, putting to side the various debates. The current business model is one that is very common, that I don't pretend to be above or immune to (or I wouldn't pay for spotify so I could stay sane in the face my day to day commutes) which is "Boil the frog; Over time the free version of your service becomes unpleasant enough to use that everyone eventually caves and pays to escape the constant torment of ads and locked features, because making a site as shitty as possibly is more effective than offering additional services."

And it works. Except for those of us who don't have the money. And for us? Youtube is just not a viable way to casually watch media anymore unless you have very thick skin and endless patience, the days of easy idle hours browsing long gone. Except people with adblock, youtube is dead to us, or at least dying. Which, I'm sure youtubers are aware of. The frog has noticed and is way too boiled. But you're not getting soup from us.

Instead youtube is now merely a source of annoyance and bitterness I can only bear exposing myself to for the very very few creators I'm too loyal to abandon being a fan of. I loosely keep up with a handful of youtubers, and only watch new videos as they are posted with maybe three.

And now that handful is a little smaller. Sad but convenient. I'm sure, despite the fact youtube used to be my main source of entertainment that I'd spend hours a day watching, one way or another the next few years that will dwindle to zero.

Back to Watcher, part of the shame here is, I'm honestly desperate for an option to watch and support youtubers I enjoy away from that site, as are many people, but a sustainable and accesible option that is realistic about the fanbase's needs and wants. Not that. That wasn’t a way to enjoy Watcher's content away from the dumpster fire. It was saying "If you can't pay or don't get our Vision™ then stay in the dumpster fire, which we're leaving, because we're Better, and those with taste and money will follow us, and those are the only fans we need."

Okay. Fine. Was nice knowing you, I'll miss Are You Scared, but I'm sure I can spend that time on something else now that won't show me six Arbys ads in a row.

#watcher #youtube #capitalism #enshittification

16 notes · View notes

hxhhasmysoul · 4 months

Note

RANDO QUESTION TIMEEEEE!!!

This actually been on my mind for a while now since I’ve been rewatching S1 of jjk.

We all know that Toudo’s first question is to ask what types of girls a person is into, correct?

He even ask for the types of guys too if the person’s more attracted towards. (Which is very inclusive of him)

However… this got me thinking… what if the person doesn’t have a type?

As in the person’s is Asexual or within the Ace Spectrum

What would his reaction be, I wonder?

Toudou is still very young, under 20. And he has caught the edgy bug. Asking someone their type and expecting something kinky is very edgy. He talks about what what he wants to hear, something every specific and carnal. That's why he's dismissive of Megumi's very high minded answer.

Toudou is likely unsuccessful in his romantic and/or sexual pursuits due to his difficult personality or simply because he's actually insecure and can't bring himself to try with a real person. His infatuation with Takada, a girl he knows is not someone he could realistically pursue, suggests the latter. He chooses the relative safety of a parasocial relationship. This way he never has to truly interact with his crush.

So I wouldn't be surprised if he compensated for that with the edginess. He might think he knows all about fetishes and kinks but likely he'd never engaged in any. Whatever he thinks they tell him about another person is either based on some edgy online posts, pop psychology or Toudou's imagination.

So while it stands to reason he knows about gay people, probably seen related porn if only just to check if he's into that, ace people are likely completely outside of what he knows about human sexuality.

We could treat Megumi's answer as a sort of an ace answer, because it's not related to carnal desire and Toudou just dismisses it. He doesn't see it as valid, calls Megumi. Granted I don't think Megumi is ace, he strikes me more as "I'm too intellectual to acknowledge my carnal desires".

Who I actually do hc as leaning ace is Yuuji. To me Yuuji rings very demi, like myself. He has a defined aesthetic preference but it has nothing to do with who he'd like to be with as a partner. His type is unrelated to what he values in another person. Yuuji might also be leaning aro, even with Mappa's addition of him being into the romantic subplot of the Human Earthworm film. I lean aro but I write a lot of romance, I just like to entertain myself with it in theory but I don't think I could form a relationship like the ones I write about.

So back to Toudou. I don't think he knows about asexual people, and if he learned about them, he wouldn't know what to do with them, how to fit them into his kink horoscope. Maybe is he learned that many ace people are into non sexual kink he could find a way to fit them. Though he'd need to do a lot of revaluation, I think, to accept the idea of non sexual kink. Maybe being forced to consider these topic would let him move on from this edgy phase.

#answering asks #thank you for the ask #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #aoi toudou #yuuji itadori #megumi fushiguro

13 notes · View notes

weirdowithaquill · 2 months

Note

Obsessed with your Extended Railway Series. I love it so much and sometimes I forget that the stories aren't canon and have to remind myself of that. I bingeread the entire series in three nights. My favourites probably have to be 'Politicians Versus Duke the Wise Engine', 'World Famous Engine', 'Arthur and the Two Zany Engines', and 'Bertram and the Phantom Engine'.

I also absolutely love Andrew and the way his character fits so perfectly into your stories, he really feels like he could be a canon character.

I love the sheer and perfectly fitting chaos that comes in some of the stories, balanced out with the slower or slightly darker or sadder themes in others. It's not all bright colours; there are real problems coming into play, and it's written perfectly in your stories. Imagination and realistic tones in a wonderful mix. A lot of the stories are lighthearted, yes, but then you also remind, sometimes in those lighthearted stories, that there's more than just 'sunshine and rainbows'. It's grounded while still being inventive and imaginative.

What I'm saying is, damn I love the Extended Railway Series.

Thank you so much!

Your comment means so much to me - you have no idea how much I appreciate hearing how much you enjoy the ERS. It's been a massive project for me over the last three and a half years - and to hear that you loved it so much really warms my heart.

(Your favourites just so happen to have been some of my favourites to write! I seem to have a preference for both wacky stories and darker tales.)

Andrew! Andrew has to have been one of the biggest risks I've ever made with my writing - I created a T&F OC and inserted him into my world and asked everyone to accept his existence. And it really feels good to know that people do like him, that people look at this OC I've made and agree that he's cool. He's also my first OC, and your first OC always does have a special place in your heart, don't they?

Chaos is probably one of the better words to describe this series! It's controlled chaos, but chaos nonetheless - and that's probably why I enjoy it so much. The original Railway Series handled a lot of very dark topics as well as some very lighthearted ones - and I feel like that's something I wanted to capture in the series.

I'm really rambling by this point - I've left this response and come back to it several times while attending Uni - so I think I should really round it off by saying thank you again. Comments and support really are the most incredible honours to an author, and I hope that everything that has yet to come with the ERS will entertain you just as much as the previous fics have!

#weirdowithaquill #fanfiction writer #railway series #ao3 stuff #ask answered #ask me anything #thank you for the ask!#thank you for your amazing words!#extended railway series

7 notes · View notes

kuwajima · 5 months

Note

Aaa sorry for the bombarding of Modern AU Q’s but ..

1. What would be Zenitsu’s favorite Christmas movie? Who would watch it with him?

2. Very specific question but how would Zenitsu react to being showed the bumble from Rudolph? I’ve heard mixed reactions from people saying it rather terrified them as a kid or they loved it

3. How would Zenitsu do in a school environment?

4. What would the Uzui’s think of Zenitsu’s friends (Tanjiro, Inosuke, Kanao, Nezuko, Genya) if he brought them over? If they were his same age

5. How would the Uzui’s manage Zenitsu’s birthday?

Please keep them coming, I love them! Honestly I’ve put a bit of thought into a modern AU, not necessarily to write a full fic about but it helps me work on their dynamics in OMWF

1. I am once again trying not to out myself as someone who does not know recent children’s media…that said, that 1970s Sesame Street Christmas special. It’s musical (the songs slap) and not super high stakes or stressful so it’s not going to freak him out. (Please note that I was not a child in the 70s lmao I was just a Sesame Street girlie)

I think they might watch it with him once. And then just put it on for him over and over and over again.

I was actually going to suggest those cheesy romance ones, but I think they’re too high concept for a young kid to understand leaving your big city job and rich fiancé for the charming Christmas tree farmer who understands the true meaning for Christmas :/

Oh, also the Santa Buddies movies. With the puppies that talk? Suma is a huge fan as well tbh.

2. Bumble is terrifying and I do not think he would actually make it through that entire movie 😭 he hides as soon as it’s on screen and that’s in the first few minutes, I think?

3. Canonically (per Kimetsu Academy) Zenitsu doesn’t do well in school, but he only applies himself to subjects he likes. I imagine school is probably a nightmare for him, it’s loud and overwhelming, he doesn’t make friends easily, and he cries a lot which frankly ruins a toddler’s street cred. I cannot imagine Uzui as an understanding parent when it comes to homework either tbh. So it’s a bad experience all around.

4. I don’t think Tengen would mind them, but he would mind being used as a babysitter. He wouldn’t really want to entertain a bunch of kids…but can you even imagine him trying to drop Zenitsu off on a play date? There would be so much screaming. So play dates are always at his house and he’s kinda mad about it (but refuses to work on the whole separation anxiety thing. That’s totally not his problem…)

5. I have a lot of thoughts on how Zenitsu’s birthday was decided upon (I do not believe he would realistically know what his birthday is) and my personal headcanon that I was going to write into a fic and haven’t yet, is that Jigoro assigns the day as a “this is the first day as a changed person” kind of deal.

That said; Uzui uses his birthday to flaunt his wealth and party planning abilities and has a huge blowout that he also invites his adult friends to, even if they don’t actually know Zenitsu. Despite the overstimulating environment, the actual highlight of the day is that Giyu actually showed up.

#fic talk #I was so scared of that snow monster as a kid!! I loved the rest of the movie tho I have probably seen it 500 times

10 notes · View notes

thekoopalingsandstuffs · 4 months

Note

Since the OP isn't feeling well-

What do all these lovely characters do when they're having a "sick day"?

Jr: "I usually take a nice, hot bath at some point!! It's very relaxing!! Ooh, and I also eat some soup!! I love soup!!"

Lemmy: "Consume as much NyQuil as realistically possible. Ya can't be sick if you're unconscious!!!"

Larry: "I go to school anyways and make it my mission to get as many people sick as possible."

Morton: "Once I get all my morning chores done, I usually let myself take a quick ten or so minute nap, then go back to working. The cooking and cleaning isn't gonna do itself!!"

Wendy: "I treat myself!!! Get a big bowl of ice-cream, wear fuzzy pajamas and slippers, brag to all my friends that I'm skipping school—My bedroom becomes PARADISE!!!"

Iggy: "I usually lay down in bed and try to just relax. Nibbles cuddles with me and makes me feel much better!!"

Ludwig: "I try not to do much... Just sleep so I can recover. Maybe read a book or two. Whenever I stay home sick, though, Roy always insists on staying home with me and becoming my personal maid. Which is extremely unnecessary. But, I still appreciate it...... I have to be careful because being sick makes my incontinence ten times worse."

Roy: "Assuming that I'm not sick because I'm taking care of my already-sick siblings and am busy watching over them... I probably end up laying on the couch and binging TV shows. Nothing special. There's not much I can do. Nor WANT to do."

Peasley: "Whenever I've been sick in the past, my mother has personally spent every single minute until I recover, bringing me the most nutritious foods, making sure that I'm comfortable at all times, babying me, entertaining me... I like being sick! I usually end up forgetting that I feel like trash 'cuz I get treated so perfectly!"

Nabbit: "I get spoiled, too! Well, maybe not AS much... Whenever I come down with something, my pa goes out, robs every pharmacy and house in the area, steals all the meds, soups, water bottles, blankets, pillows, the whole shebang! All the crime for the rest of the day is dropped so he can focus on making sure that I am the happiest disease-ridden lady in the whole kingdom!!"

Motley: "... My mommy has to be at work and can't usually take days off, so when I'm sick, I just lay in bed by myself until I feel better."

Topper: "We have a rule in our house. Since the four of us all have different medical issues and constantly have reasons to want to get out of school, it's been decided that we can only have a total of five days off per month. That way, we don't take advantage of our issues to skip class. So it's important that you have a good reason to stay home, keep in mind that you might really need a day off later, and once you have your day off, don't waste it. That being said, I usually spend my sick days sleeping or reading. I can't be too active, because having a cold combined with asthma will make me almost constantly out of breath."

Hariet: "Sick days? Oh no, I don't do those." :3 "I have a perfect attendance record to maintain. Plus, there is NOTHING I can't bear through for seven hours. School is important!!"

Topper: *Rolls his eyes*

Hariet: "If I'm having a sick day on the weekend or whatever, though... I put all my energy into recovering. Sleep good, drink lots of fluids, eat healthy, etc."

Rango: "I usually just eat. They say to eat soup when you get sick! I eat soup, brownies, chicken nuggets, pizza, pop-tarts, cereal, noodles, cheese sticks—Really, I'll eat anything that we have!! I find that eating junk food is surprising therapeutic and good for the soul! Also, I have an EXCELLENT metabolism!!" :D

Spewart: "Most of the time, if I'm staying home, it isn't because I have a cold or something. It's 'cuz I'm having a CVS episode. In which case, I spend the whole day laying in bed, on the couch, or possibly even just on the floor, in agony. All with a bucket keeping me company. For when I throw up! Which I may do a hundred times! Or not at all, resulting in a tummy-ache that lasts the WHOLE day and won't go away. Yay me!"

10 notes · View notes

bethanydelleman · 1 year

Text

Gilbert Markham is A Flawed but Good Guy

This is gonna be long. Like really long.

I have re-read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall just to defend my man Gilbert from people who say he’s problematic. He represents a realistically flawed man who is able to grow and change, unlike Arthur Huntingdon.

Gilbert’s behaviour towards women is admirable on the whole. He spends a fair amount of time thinking about his mother and her rules/desires for his conduct:

However, that haven of bliss must not be entered till I had exchanged my miry boots for a clean pair of shoes, and my rough surtout for a respectable coat, and made myself generally presentable before decent society; for my mother, with all her kindness, was vastly particular on certain points.

It’s pretty clear he is respectful of his mother and he tries to do what she wants. He is constantly thinking he’d better get home because she dislikes him being late for meals, even though we know she will make new food/tea for him as the man of the house. He is also unfailingly kind to his sister, and even praises her good character.

His profession about how he will treat his wife also stands out, “when I marry, I shall expect to find more pleasure in making my wife happy and comfortable, than in being made so by her: I would rather give than receive.”

Even with Eliza Millward, with whom he takes a few encouraged liberties, when he loses interest in her, and even starts to dislike her for gossiping against Helen, he still thinks of her feelings:

Though my affections might now be said to be fairly weaned from Eliza Millward, I did not yet entirely relinquish my visits to the vicarage, because I wanted, as it were, to let her down easy; without raising much sorrow, or incurring much resentment,—or making myself the talk of the parish... which, I thought, could neither give offence nor serve to encourage false hopes.

As for Helen, Gilbert really doesn’t like Helen right away, probably because she disagrees with him:

She laughingly turned round and held out her hand. I gave it a spiteful squeeze, for I was annoyed at the continual injustice she had done me from the very dawn of our acquaintance. Without knowing anything about my real disposition and principles, she was evidently prejudiced against me, and seemed bent upon showing me that her opinions respecting me, on every particular, fell far below those I entertained of myself. I was naturally touchy, or it would not have vexed me so much. Perhaps, too, I was a little bit spoiled by my mother and sister, and some other ladies of my acquaintance;—and yet I was by no means a fop—of that I am fully convinced, whether you are or not.

But very soon in their acquaintance, he starts to realize that he actually likes talking to an intelligent woman who disagrees with him. He is attracted to her because she is intelligent and strong-willed. Which is really admirable for a man who is used to not being challenged.

Gilbert is respectful of Helen’s boundaries for the most part, especially when it comes to Arthur. He does things like he asking Helen’s permission to take Arthur for rides on his horse. “He wanted me to come in; but I told him I could not without his mother’s leave.”

Now yes, there are instances where she asks him to leave her and he doesn’t:

“I must beg you to leave me now, and let me alone hereafter: in fact, we must be strangers for the future.” [Helen]

“I will, then—be your friend, or brother, or anything you wish, if you will only let me continue to see you; but tell me why I cannot be anything more?”

But here is the thing, Gilbert is very confused by her behaviour. He can tell that she likes him, and we know she does, but he thinks she is a widow. He thinks she feels bad for falling in love again so soon after her husband died. He cannot understand, if both of them are single, why they can’t be together. He does for the most part listen to and respect what she says as well, this quotes shouldn’t be taken in isolation. In general, he leaves when he is asked to leave.

Also, Gilbert is sure of Helen’s character and is ready to defend her against all slander. He also defends her decision to leave her husband, once it is revealed to the town in general, despite Mr. Millward condemning her.

After Gilbert reads the diary, he is extremely respectful of Helen’s space. He avoids her while she remains at Wildfell, as he promised, and then he does not write to her almost a year because he does not know if she wants to hear from him or not, in addition to it being indelicate to write soon after the death of her husband.

He almost turns back from visiting her because he “feared to intrude” and “I thought an interview would only disturb your peace”. That is a man who is respectful of the woman he loves. He even listens to her silence: “but your silence naturally led me to conclude myself forgotten”. He learns of her fortune and thinks himself entirely unworthy of her:

“I’ll tell you at once,” said I. “I will confess that I came here for the purpose of seeing you (not without some monitory misgivings at my own presumption, and fears that I should be as little welcome as expected when I came), but I did not know that this estate was yours until enlightened on the subject of your inheritance by the conversation of two fellow-passengers in the last stage of my journey; and then I saw at once the folly of the hopes I had cherished, and the madness of retaining them a moment longer; and though I alighted at your gates, I determined not to enter within them; I lingered a few minutes to see the place, but was fully resolved to return to M—— without seeing its mistress.”

Gilbert does have an anger problem, but he deals with it in a healthy way: he leaves the situation. The only person he usually hits is his brother, who purposely antagonize him: by whom I was collared in the passage, on coming down, and well-nigh jerked off my equilibrium, and who, in correction for his impudence, received a resounding whack over the sconce, which, however, sustained no serious injury from the infliction. This is fairly standard sibling squabbles, his brother grabbed him by the collar to try and knock him over, Gilbert hit him in retaliation. Not really a big deal. They are both grown up as well.

Gilbert is usually able to leave when he gets angry and when he believes that he will say or do something untoward. When he first hears the rumours that Helen is mistress to Mr. Lawrence, he angrily sits through dinner and then leaves the house to cool off:

At length it was over; and I rose and left the table and the guests without a word of apology—I could endure their company no longer. I rushed out to cool my brain in the balmy evening air, and to compose my mind or indulge my passionate thoughts in the solitude of the garden.

When Mr. Millward accuses Helen of being sexually immoral and then tells Gilbert about the encounter:

“As for ME, sir,” I began, but checked by some impediment in my utterance, and finding that my whole frame trembled with fury, I said no more, but took the wiser part of snatching up my hat and bolting from the room, slamming the door behind me, with a bang that shook the house to its foundations, and made my mother scream, and gave a momentary relief to my excited feelings.

And when Eliza gossips to him about Helen:

I said nothing more on the subject, however, at the time, and but little on any other; for, finding I could not well recover my equanimity, I presently rose and took leave, excusing myself under the plea of business at the farm; and to the farm I went, not troubling my mind one whit about the possible truth of these mysterious reports, but only wondering what they were, by whom originated, and on what foundations raised, and how they could the most effectually be silenced or disproved.

Gilbert is able to control himself and he deals with his strong emotions by leaving. Now when he does hit Mr. Lawrence, it’s because Lawrence will not let him employ this strategy:

He accosted me by name, for it was no stranger—it was Mr. Lawrence! Instinctively the fingers of my whip-hand tingled, and grasped their charge with convulsive energy; but I restrained the impulse, and answering his salutation with a nod, attempted to push on; but he pushed on beside me, and began to talk about the weather and the crops. I gave the briefest possible answers to his queries and observations, and fell back. He fell back too, and asked if my horse was lame. I replied with a look, at which he placidly smiled.

I was as much astonished as exasperated at this singular pertinacity and imperturbable assurance on his part. I had thought the circumstances of our last meeting would have left such an impression on his mind as to render him cold and distant ever after: instead of that, he appeared not only to have forgotten all former offences, but to be impenetrable to all present incivilities. Formerly, the slightest hint, or mere fancied coldness in tone or glance, had sufficed to repulse him: now, positive rudeness could not drive him away. Had he heard of my disappointment; and was he come to witness the result, and triumph in my despair? I grasped my whip with more determined energy than before—but still forbore to raise it, and rode on in silence, waiting for some more tangible cause of offence, before I opened the floodgates of my soul and poured out the dammed-up fury that was foaming and swelling within.

“Markham,” said he, in his usual quiet tone, “why do you quarrel with your friends, because you have been disappointed in one quarter? You have found your hopes defeated; but how am I to blame for it? I warned you beforehand, you know, but you would not—”

He said no more; for, impelled by some fiend at my elbow, I had seized my whip by the small end

Gilbert tries, multiple times, to get away from Lawrence. Eventually he hits him with the butt of his whip. Now, assault is wrong, I am not here to deny that, but Gilbert was provoked into this attack and he did not mean to hurt Lawrence as much as he did. In the law, provoked attacks are treated differently than unprovoked ones. We know Gilbert is in pretty extreme mental distress at this point in the novel and it’s because of Lawrence, but Gilbert did not seek out this encounter and he tried multiple times to leave.

He also does go back to help even though he believes Lawrence deserved to be smacked, “it was, simply, the voice of conscience; and I took great credit to myself for attending so promptly to its dictates”. Lawrence will not accept his help. Gilbert is later ashamed of what he has done and he seeks forgiveness.

Now, for his best feature, when Gilbert meets little Arthur, he treats him well right away, saving him and then trying to comfort him: There was a silent struggle, and then a piercing shriek;—but, in an instant, I had dropped my gun on the grass, and caught the little fellow in my arms. I wiped his eyes with his frock, told him he was all right and called Sancho to pacify him.

Importantly, Gilbert does not befriend Arthur as a way to get Helen to like him (he kind of dislikes her at this point):

I decidedly liked to talk to her little companion, whom, when once the ice of his shyness was fairly broken, I found to be a very amiable, intelligent, and entertaining little fellow; and we soon became excellent friends—how much to the gratification of his mamma I cannot undertake to say. I suspected at first that she was desirous of throwing cold water on this growing intimacy—to quench, as it were, the kindling flame of our friendship—but discovering, at length, in spite of her prejudice against me, that I was perfectly harmless, and even well-intentioned, and that, between myself and my dog, her son derived a great deal of pleasure from the acquaintance that he would not otherwise have known, she ceased to object, and even welcomed my coming with a smile.

Now as for how Gilbert contrasts with the other men in Tenant:

He has a good reputation in his community, Arthur has a very negative one.

He is financially responsible. Gilbert is discussing the purchase of a field from a neighbour and his farm appears to be thriving. He also is providing well for his mother and sister. Arthur, on the other hand, has wasted his money and is deep in debt, despite starting out much richer.

Gilbert actually engages in work. When he receives the present for Helen, he is intending to spend the entire day working with his labourers to help bring in the hay. He appears to have healthy hobbies outside of the his work, like reading. Arthur is bored and idle. His hobbies are all self-destructive: Meanwhile, poor Arthur was sadly at a loss for something to amuse him or to occupy his time. He wanted to appear as busy and as unconcerned as I did. Had the weather at all permitted, he would doubtless have ordered his horse and set off to some distant region, no matter where, immediately after breakfast, and not returned till night: had there been a lady anywhere within reach, of any age between fifteen and forty-five, he would have sought revenge and found employment in getting up, or trying to get up, a desperate flirtation with her; but being, to my private satisfaction, entirely cut off from both these sources of diversion, his sufferings were truly deplorable.

In a bout of passion, Gilbert does suggest that Arthur isn’t Helen’s husband, but he immediately feels terrible and regrets ever having said it. He is no Hargrave. (“I won’t, I won’t!” said I, gently laying my hand on hers; almost as much alarmed at her vehemence as ashamed of my own misconduct.)

While he does drink, we never see Gilbert drunk. He has no problems with addiction. Unlike all the other men.

Hattersley also has an anger problem, which he takes out on his wife entirely unprovoked. We never see Gilbert angry at anyone without a logical cause and he never lashes out at a woman.

Gilbert’s dog Sancho loves him. Arthur is cruel to his dog when bored: But his favourite cocker, Dash, that had been lying at my feet, took the liberty of jumping upon him and beginning to lick his face. He struck it off with a smart blow, and the poor dog squeaked and ran cowering back to me. When he woke up, about half an hour after, he called it to him again, but Dash only looked sheepish and wagged the tip of his tail. He called again more sharply, but Dash only clung the closer to me, and licked my hand, as if imploring protection. Enraged at this, his master snatched up a heavy book and hurled it at his head. The poor dog set up a piteous outcry, and ran to the door. I let him out, and then quietly took up the book.

Gilbert genuinely enjoys that Helen makes him a better person (though he did not have very far to improve). Arthur brags at length about how he dragged Lord Lowborough back into addiction.

Gilbert is respectful of how Helen raises Arthur, even if he disagrees with her methods. Arthur is intentionally trying to turn Little Arthur against his mother and encourages him to drink in excess (at five!)

Gilbert genuinely enjoys Helen’s passions. The part of the novel from his side shows how much he appreciates nature and he loves Helen’s paintings. He is actually able to suggest sensible changes to her work. They are compatible in more ways than just passion.

Conclusion: Gilbert is not perfect, but I think that’s the point! No real man is perfect, but Gilbert is a man with a solid foundation of principles and good conduct who just needs to grow up a little. Arthur is a man with no foundation of good conduct who is basically a walking red flag. Helen and Gilbert marrying is a happy ending, because she has learned to judge men’s merits correctly and she knows that Gilbert will be a good husband and a good stepfather to Arthur. This line melts me: he was my own Helen’s son, and therefore mine; and as such I have ever since regarded him.

#gilbert my love #the tenant of wildfell hall #longest post ever that I have ever written #gilbert markham #helen graham #arthur huntingdon #A full defense of Gilbert for reference #I only read his part of the book btw #I read the whole book recently and I just couldn't do the diary again

68 notes · View notes