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jackklinemybeloved · 7 months

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the bad kids reviving ragh and then getting him to be their friend in fantasy high s1 is the good ending to the nerdy prudes must die gang pranking max in the waylon house

#posts 2 people will care about but #idk I was thinking about those scenes and how similar they are #like the whole ‘oh we hated this guy but maybe we’re ok now???’#except in npmd things go south immediately #while in fantasy high he basically joins the party #point being resurrection magic would’ve fixed max jagerman #as opposed to the Other Undead Magic that made him worse #npmd #dimension 20 #fantasy high #ragh barkrock #max jagerman

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mwagneto · 1 year

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sorry idk but the way the world is so fast and the people in it still want it to be faster is sooo annoying to me. people groaning while standing in line for 3 minutes people being mad the train ride is gonna take 2 hours people complaining that the bus is a few minutes late people being angry that construction work is taking months even though it used to take decades. don't you see the world is already so so so fast in every single aspect can't you understand that being mad will do nothing and just make your mood worse. enjoy the moments of stillness you're given. just stand in line and look at the people around you. sit on the train and watch the scenery. you'll get there.

#it's literally one of my main pet peeves not even sorry actually!!!!! esp ppl loudly complaining while standing in line or #when the train's like 2 minutes late coz it has to stop and ppl start yelling #hell even if it stops for 2 hours. who cares who cares who cares unless you're late for like a weeding or smtg who cares !!!!#literally just relax slow down. look at your phone idk #this one should be it's own post but like when people complain about budapest public transport it makes me so mad....#bruhhh shit's on time 99% of the time and it's like. outstandingly good compared to any other city #hungarian infrastructure in general like are the trains the best NO but they get you pretty much anywhere for like 30 cents #calm down !!!!!!!!!!#barking #humans

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rdr2gifs · 4 months

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''the morning light, when it comes to me, it was there but I could not see''

Arthur’s life was profoundly shaped by his self-hatred, lack of self-worth and disbelief in the existence of kindness in a seemingly dark and cruel world.

I strongly disagree with the statement that Arthur only became a ‘’better’’ man after being diagnosed with tb. His struggle with his true/inner self is apparent as early as chapter one. ‘’You are not who you think you are, sir… which is lucky’’

He has lived a rough life, raised by criminals and surrounded by violence ever since he was born. It was installed in him early that his value lied within being a violent enforcer and he has lived this life since, knowing nothing else. As a highly aware person, Arthur's actions weight heavy on his soul. He accepts that his actions have consequences. He knows that a person who has caused so much suffering is not meant to have happiness in life. His way of life has caused him to believe that he is not worthy of love or redemption. He doesn’t want to believe that a person like him could be capable of any good. (a thing to note here is that imo, Arthur’s actions near his death weren’t attempts at redemption but rather a strong desire to do right and possibly be his true self.) This is why he keeps living as he does as it’s the only thing he’s ever known, it’s the thing that brings him profit, praise from the person he looks up to and he is already damned so he might as well continue living this life anyway.

The internal problem Arthur faces is that this violent, cruel way of life doesn’t align with what I’d call his true self/ideals. He is torn between the harsh reality he has known and an unconscious yearning for righteousness/love. To be able to carry on with his actions he must enforce certain ideals within himself, such as: I am bad, ugly, nasty, ignorant, mean etc. He also decides to see the dark side of reality, telling himself that the world is a grim dark place and this is just as things were meant to be. This is why he feels so uncomfortable being complimented for his good deeds, because a bad rotten person like him should not be able to do good. It breaks the image he has built for himself and he doesn’t want that happening. This can be seen a lot during the ‘’Money Lending and Other Sins’’ missions where he is unusually mean (even for his standards) to each of the debtors. Imo, he acts this way because he must truly convince himself of being a terrible man to be able to carry out a job which revolts him so badly. In the last debt collecting mission with J. John Weathers, it can be seen in his face/expressions how much he is struggling to put on a tough, uncaring, heartless act. He needs to maintain a ruthless persona to survive in the world he knows. He must convince himself of his own cruelty.

''Forgive me, but that's the problem. You don't know you.''

Contrary to Arthur’s beliefs, he is a naturally kind-hearted person who is unconsciously drawn towards kindness. And yes, even before he was diagnosed with tb. This can be seen in the people he respects the most and, in his willingness to help strangers (notice how he often does unnecessary acts of service for total strangers such as: carrying their things, holding out hands etc. even though they had already troubled him). Despite the life he has lived, Arthur does not enjoy violence, he does not enjoy hurting people. He doesn’t want to dominate over others. He thinks mostly about others and not about himself. This fact alone is very telling of his character.

He writes about Charles, a man who he truly respects: ‘’He’s a better man than me. He does not need to think to be good. It comes naturally to him, like right is deep within as opposed to this conflict between GOOD↔EVIL that rages within me.’’ A man who is not struggling with his inner self would not have written this. To me this clearly implies an inner desire to be a better man. He writes about his mentors: ‘’I love Dutch like a father, but in many ways, I love Hosea even more. He’s kind and fair and like a human being. Dutch is something else.’’ Clearly showing a preference for Hosea who is of a more gentle nature and shows genuine kindness. Unsurprisingly, these are the people who see through his dumb/though act and encourage him to drop it.

When he comes across Brother Dorkins for the first time, he writes: ‘’(he)was one of those innocent people who make you feel better about human beings and about yourself a little. Must be odd to see all that goodness in the world. Place always seemed dark and brutal to me.’’ Expressing how he does not see goodness in the world, implying lack of good examples/kindness/good experiences in his life. Yet, the monk leaves an impression and imo, this encounter (seeing genuine goodness) disrupts Arthur’s perception of what the world truly is. ‘’Just as evil begat evil your whole life long, so good may begat good’’ (what strengthens my belief in this, is the following, symbolic scene of Arthur realising the consequences of his actions right after picking up a crucifix. He was aware of them before sure, but is unable to truly ignore them now having seen it right in front of his eyes). If only Arthur was presented with more examples of goodness in his life.

''You have it in you... I can tell!''

His desire to do as much good as possible after realising he won’t live long is instant. This would not be the mindset of someone who did not already possess kindness in his heart. ‘’Know glory and forget about shame.’’ Arthur’s shame and self-loathing caused by his previous actions were what was holding him back from allowing kindness into his life. Knowing that he has limited time left has not made him into someone he wasn’t before. The diagnosis was a catalyst, allowing him to embrace that love/goodness truly does exist and accelerate the process of chipping away from the persona he has made for himself. This was a newfound understanding for him as in the past he was rejecting any notion of kindess. In himself and perhaps the whole existence of it. ‘’You keep hidden all that matters, even from yourself.’’

After being diagnosed, he writes: ‘’What kind of a man have I been? What kind of a man am I? What world is this we live in? A land of fury or a place of love? Am I being prepared for eternal damnation? Am I past any kind of saving? Is that all fairytales? Man ain’t got much good in him. I ain’t got no good in me… I don’t think and yet I see goodness. I see it. If not in me, in good folk. In Abigail and her love for Jack. In that silly monk. In Downes, I guess. Begging not for himself but for the poor, even though he was near starving himself. Maybe I don’t want salvation. Part of me has always longed for death.’’ This entry perfectly shows how deep Arthur’s self-loathing goes and just how much it has damaged him. As his journal allows a look into his true feelings, he truly does not see a single good thing about himself. He knew for a long time that the way he lives is detestable but he could not let go of it. Not because he didn’t want to, but because it’s all that he has ever known. He didn’t believe in anything else. This sudden acceptance of goodness has allowed him to see clearly, which was obscured from him before, and for the first time, enabled him to act free of past regrets for what is right.

⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪

Arthur’s redemption is not about becoming a good man. It is about finding the strength to change and recognise your true self despite a lifetime of self-loathing and breaking free from destructive beliefs of the past.

In Arthurian legends a stag is a symbol of the unending quest of spiritual knowledge/enligtenment

#this is my own personal interpretation of arthur's redemption #i could expand so much more on this #the orange quotes are by blind man cassidy #please don’t even interact if you think arthur was just a killer incapable of goodness before he was diagnosed #the ironic thing is that so many people could see behind arthur’s front but he was blind to it #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #this analysis is based purely on high-honor choices #i don't care if your arthur shoots up entire towns this analysis does not take individual open-world gameplay decisions into account #i did almost cry thinking about this #text post

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x-letsbreaksomerules-x · 1 year

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“He ordered me to kill them. So I did. I killed them all.”

#fenris #dragon age #dragon age 2 #da2 #murphys funny little art pieces #the shit with the fog warriors ALWAYS gets me like. fuck man #i have a lot of little fenris pieces i want to do lately but so little time #but im glad i sat down and did this one it was fun #tarot card style drawings are such a blast #you know sometimes i think about fenris and the fog warriors and then i think about his battle dialogue #theres something about the fact that he shouts 'to me my friends' that kinda gets me #'we must fight together' also sticks out but the friends one is forever in my brain #reminded of that one post about him refusing to turn mages in and i think his experiences of betraying people before add an extra layer #to like all of that. he's been hunted and whatnot but he's also had people who took care of him and fought for HIS freedom #and he killed them once before. he wont do it again.#ok done fenrisposting goodnight

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wifegideonnav · 10 months

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yeah you say “cringe is dead” but do you still apologize about reblogging stuff related to your “cringy” interests? kill the mindset that you are somehow not included in that statement or we’re never actually going to change anything

#i have never been in a fandom that apologizes for liking the source media as much as the homestuck fandom does #like jesus christ STOP it’s not cute actually #we’re on tumblr. we’re literally on tumblr and you still feel the need to be like ‘omg so so sorry for reblogging this hs post teehee’#if people unfollow you for it who cares. who. cares.#also not only is it 1) perpetuating a toxic culture of shame and 2) annoying #it’s highly disrespectful to the creator of the media #someone poured their heart and soul into the anime or book or album that you’re so ashamed of liking #by APOLOGIZING for liking something just because other people like to mock it you’re agreeing that this thing that you supposedly love #is defective. less than. worthy of mockery #i mean not only is that spineless as hell it’s like. imagine being a creator and knowing that not even your fans respect your work #so yeah. stop apologizing for liking the things you like. either express that affinity freely or shut the fuck up entirely #hm. im madder about this than i thought i was. lol.#op

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kay-claire · 1 month

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What really gets me with the whole watcher thing is that like, there are ways for them to have made this decision without it going so horribly wrong. Like they could have said "hey we want to be more independent and not rely on platforms like Patreon and YouTube as heavily as we currently do. So moving forward we will be moving all our Patreon content over to our new streaming platform. Content will be posted there a week/month earlier than YouTube, and we will still be posting our regular content on YouTube, but we hope that you will consider joining our new streaming platform in the future." and THEN, after a few months, they could have said "We're planning to make brand new shows that will be exclusive to our new platform, and we'll share the pilots of those shows on YouTube, but after that the rest of the episodes will only be available on that platform. All your favourite Watcher shows will still continue to be made and posted to YouTube, but reminder that they're available earlier on our streaming platform." Or something like that, that could have been a gradual change. People would have still probably been like "lol no" but they wouldn't be unsubscribing in droves.

Asking people to pay $6 a month for a new platform that doesn't have any content on it currently, and they only put out 1 video a week?? This was never going to work. People are willing to spend $5 on Patreon a month to support their favourite creators, but there's a big difference between supporting someone's Patreon and paying for a product they used to be able to get for free.

(Also why the fuck was the announcement video 14 minutes long?? I skipped to the very end to just see the actual announcement, did anyone even watch the whole sob story?)

#watcher #like i support Jenny Nicholson's patreon and get an hour long bonus vid ever month for $2 #and i have been considering subbing to Drop Out TV #but like Drop Out is a WAY bigger company with way more content that Watcher #and like the only thing I care about with Watcher is Shane and Ryan #and even then I probably only watch half of the stuff they post on YouTube #so like im defs not invested in them enough to pay for anything #and Im not going to pay money just to watch Steven eat ridiculously expensive food #he can pay for his own goddamn rich people food

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ophiliaclement · 1 year

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and all the light in the world converges on you.

#octopath traveler ii spoilers #octopath traveler ii #octopath 2 #ok i think that's the relevent tags. I've spoiler tagged this so. yeah.#temenos mistral #crick wellsley #this was supposed to be a warmup. 5 hours later i have this.#and uh. yeah. I'm never going to be over this game.#may post the speedpaint later idk #knightlight #is that the ship name?#do you ever think about how temenos consistently fails to save the people he cares about? yeah #anyway i know it's supposed to be like. a metaphor for him figuring stuff out like a detective but #I'm headcanoning he can see ghosts. you cant throw that scene at me and expect me to not come away with thar.#*that #octopath traveler 2 #category 5 stormhail moment #ophies art

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strangesickness · 3 months

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something i feel very strongly about is that the IT films do a bad job making the adults feel like friends. i don't know if it's a script issue, a directing issue, or an acting issue, but it's incredibly frustrating to me.

the movie does a great job showing close relationships between the losers in specific pairs (richie and eddie, ben and beverly, mike and bill), but otherwise they do not feel like friends to me (they almost get there in the jade scene, but nothing like in the miniseries, and the rest of the movie is awful in this regard). like you want me to believe eddie died and beverly and ben are just??? making out??? like richie is here sobbing on a rock and he loses his glasses and the other losers go looking and bev and ben are just???? kissing? like these are not beverly and ben these are imposters. like tell me why richie was the only one who showed any significant emotion over eddie dying. they were all friends, thats the whole goddamn point.

and idk what happens in the book, but the losers leaving eddie in the sewers is so stupid, like he is constantly noted to be tiny, and you're telling me none of the losers could carry him out? ben's whole thing (which i will be ranting about later because it pisses me off that ben had to get skinny and buff to be hot like shut the fuck up) is that he got buff and he couldn't pick up eddie? seriously? it makes no sense for the losers to leave him down there he hated the sewers the last place in the world that he would ever want to rest forever would be in a disgusting sewer. they love him and they know him they would never leave him down there

the relationships between the losers in the miniseries feel so much more substantial, yes richie and eddie are shown to be notably close, same with ben and bev, but that doesn't mean they don't all love each other. it's very notable to me that in the miniseries the losers are always touching each other, and not just in brief offhand ways, they lean into each other, they lay on each other, they caress each others faces. it isn't just that they love each other and are comfortable sitting close together on the couch or something, they are constantly actively touching each other, both because they love each other, and probably because they're so amazed to have each other back and want to commit their friends to memory. like literally any scene with more than one loser in it? they're touching each other or otherwise very close, whereas in the film you don't get that impression at all.

#honestly it 2019 makes bev and ben look like assholes who only care about people they want to fuck #which is really annoying because theyre supposed to ALL be friends #one of the only scenes i can think of that sells their connection to me is when eddie asks what he thinks stan would be like as an adult #and richie's like “probably how he was as a kid. the best” otherwise? these people do not care about each other i do not believe it #it stephen king #it 2019 #it chapter two #it chapter 2 #it miniseries #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #posts afflicted with a strange sickness #red's ramblings

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sharpbutsoft · 1 month

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#anti taylor swift #anti ts #swifties love to act opressed when people make mean spitting memes about their favourite mulimillionaire #trust me i would Love to know nothing about her #but unfortunately none of you know how to tag ur posts #and so despite my best efforts i have seen takes such as #’making fun of taylor swift’s bad lyrics is #ableist against the mentally ill’#and i personally think that is untrue and silly #but my opinion means nothing because i dont care about taylor swift?#convenient for them i guess #anywhoo ignore me! i just need 2 vent i dont want to argue

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tinyangrynerd · 5 months

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SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND CRYING AND-

#cobalt plays videogames #flight rising #notn #miitopia #posts the me and like... /MAYBE/ 2 other people will care about. on a good day #listen it's the videogame ever to me and this familiar is perfect <3 #now the question is... do i give it to my dark lord fandragon?#or do i get myself a darker lord fandragon to match the familiar instead? 🤔

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littleseasalt · 6 months

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"forever is a bad dad to richa-" SHUT UP!!!!!

#qsmp #qsmp forever #qsmp richarlyson #id also add in the book he wrote for the egg museum where he talked again about forever being the one who took care of him the most #but i dont have the patience to find it in vods to screenshot it #also sorry but. some people on twitter have been stressing me out A LOT over their opinions on their relationship #ive literally been stressing about it since i woke up i needed to release this stress somehow #< also im thinking of doing a long post talk about what their relationship is and isnt #bc whenever theres angst/fight between them people take it as an opportunity to mischaracterize BOTH forever and richas #in a way that makes it clear that the person 1. doesnt keep up with forevers pov #and 2. only knows richas through one pov #like. ok #disagree with forever however you want youre free to do that #i myself think he was in the wrong in multiple situations (like the tallulah fight day)#BUT SURPRISE!! SAYING HES A BAD DAD IS LITERALLY SO WRONG!!#PEOPLE CAN MESS UP!! PEOPLE CAN MAKE MISTAKE!! NO ONE IS A PERFECT PARENT!!#NO ONE ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO BE THE PERFECT DAD AND THERES NO SUCH THING AS BEING A PERFECT DAD!!#PARENTHOOD IS SOMETHING YOU LEARN ALONG THE WAY!!!#AND LEARNING HOW TO BE A DAD IS A CORE TRAIT OF FOREVERS CHARACTER SINCE DAY ONE!!!!!!!#saying hes a bad dad literally goes against canon statements from richas #saying richas is uncomfortable with forever goes against canon #“oh but i mean in the emotional way” ok so you never watched a forever stream before #because when they fight. richas ALWAYS opens up to forever later on how he felt #the fights HAPPEN because richas is comfortable making drama in front of forever #if richas' didnt feel comfortable he would literally just “suck up” his jealously and not show it often but he does shows it often #if richas was uncomfortable after fights he would just apologize and never talk about his feelings #but after the tallulah fight? he told forever about how romero richas affects his body and how he feels #after the armor fight? he told forever about how he felt towards his own life #to which btw BOTH of these times where he opened up #he had never talked about that with anyone before

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davepepsisprite · 8 months

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ok bye

#homestuck #homestuck 2 #terezi pyrope #upd8 #im not done with my reread so i dont care about post canon right now but some very cool people are working on it now so uh good luck yall #im not reading it but good for you or sorry that happened #sorry for bad art im stupid bye im going back to death sleep now.#doodle tag

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gouinisme · 4 months

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i truly do not think alice can possibly stop being a character bc of previously stated reasons so now my working theory is the "i'll die down here" is mostly a distraction from "i was born down here" and alice Is some kind of reborn or construct or undead or something in the way that what she Is, her Current form of life was born from whatever weird alchemist shit is going on in the OIAR and the Magnus institute

#or she'll die and come back wrong #this is not me being in denial btw like i probably care about colin more than i do alice and i don't think he's gonna make it very far #alexander j newall said his recordings get weird faster so i think we'll have a little while of spooky happenings before he dies but yeah #i don't think he's gonna make it #but on alice's side i've already mentioned it but 1) the writers clearly know enough about queer horror and the history and tropes of that #representation to know killing off your trans character early is a bad move #trans women in horror have a very weird and usually harmful portrayal and i think they know that #and 2) it would be weird from just a marketing standpoint to kill off one of the official announced protagonists in the first season #if alice does die i'm gonna look so stupid #no actually if alice does die i'm gonna campaign the “this is how undead alice can still win” agenda so hard #alice dyer #alice tmagp #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #?#the magnus protocol #i want people to fUCK with me tho i fear my posts are hidden

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solarpunkani · 2 months

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Y'know someone's probably waxed poetic about this already but it's on my mind so I'm gonna do it again.

When it comes to encouraging people to learn about native plants and habitat and involving themselves and their yards in the wider ecosystem, you gotta meet them where they're at.

And maybe that means they won't go as far into it as you are or would like them to in your wildest dreams. But even small steps count towards the bigger picture and I think we need to appreciate that more.

An example from my own life is my mom and the current gardening project we're working on. We're planning out the garden beds in the front of the yard by the mailbox--my mom's previous plantings for the most part haven't worked out, so I'm taking a crack at it.

I'm a pollinator gardening enthusiast who cares more about attracting as many butterflies bees and hummingbirds as possible than keeping things 'neat' and 'tidy'. However, not only do we live in an HOA neighborhood (though not as intense as some other stories I've heard), but I know my mother--an interior designer who has a deeply vested care for making sure the exterior of the house looks as Nice as possible.

We're still getting a pollinator garden in the front though. How? I'm meeting her where she's at, I'm making some concessions, she's making some concessions, but ultimately we're making something that works for the both of us. She doesn't want the plants too tall and messy? We'll trim them back in fall and winter--the insects can use the backyard garden to nest in. She doesn't want things too wild and bushy and weedy? We'll add a nice mulch to the beds, keep things a bit spaced out until they grow in to their larger sizes. She doesn't know the latin names for the plants I'm asking for, let alone how to pronounce them to ask for them at a garden center? That's fine, I don't know the Latin names for most things anyways, let's just use common names.

Does she care that the garden will attract butterflies and hummingbirds? Not intrinsically--she sees it as more of a bonus, if anything. She just cares about what color everything will be and if it'll be easy to maintain. The fact that they're native plants barely registers as a plus side to her. And honestly? That is fine.

If I approached this problem with a hardheaded attitude on how I wanted it to be just as wild and free as my backyard garden? There wouldn't be any native plants in the front beds. It's not like I didn't teach my mom things, but I didn't lecture her like she was lesser just for not knowing or caring as much about native gardening as I do. And that, ultimately, made her more open to the idea than she would've been if I looked down on her like I've seen too many people do to others.

Not everyone is going to develop a deeply seated care about native plants and Latin names and I don't think it's reasonable to expect that. Meet people where they're at and you just might get a lot more done. Meet people where they're at and you just might find they'll get excited enough to learn more--but if they don't want to learn more, that is fine.

We can't expect everyone on the globe to suddenly become plant experts rattling off Latin names left and right and professionally ID'ing native and invasive plants. In the same way we wouldn't expect everyone to suddenly learn the ins and outs of learning code, or how to synthesize medicines, or how to properly build a house. And that is fine. Because we can lean on those who do know when these things come up.

I lost track of where this was going but. Y'know????

#out of queue #ani rambles #may delete later #like idk between the CPBD channel and some posts ive seen on here #it feels like a lot of people expect EVERYONE to learn ALL the Latin names for everything and thats just not realistic #Latin names make me fuckin dizzy just hearing them out loud 99% of the time #we can't admonish your everyday homie for referring to things by their common name and not knowing the ins and outs of native gardening #you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. don't look down on people for things they don't know and instead lift them up #thats the best way to get people curious about wanting to learn more #and lead by example. show good results and people will be interested.#i put up a bird feeder for the first time like 2 years ago and just this weekend my mom decided to buy a window feeder because she likes #seeing the birds. does she care about providing habitat for wild creatures? no she just likes seeing the pretty birds.#im not gonna lecture her for not putting up a birdhouse and birdfeeder and just wanting to see the birds??? thats stupid #if she wants to get into more then she'll get into more and if she doesn't even a small contribution is still a contribution yknow?#like if someone's doing something actively/with risk to be harmful by all means talk to them about it but like #dont be fuckin rude guys #im going to bed

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panxramic · 2 months

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Tallulah and Promises

Something I’ve always liked keeping an eye on and is so bittersweet about Tallulah’s character is her relationship with promises. I’m not quite sure when it became so intense, maybe it’s been there since the beginning, but Tallulah for a long time has had a unique relationship with making and keeping a promise.

I want to say that first and foremost, how she handles promises can be incredibly childish. Both because they can be nonsensical and “immature” AND because well, she’s a child. What kind of promise do you expect from a child?

A promise is everything to her, it’s a contract. Its words set in stone and written in the stars. A promise CANNOT be broken. Doesn’t matter who it is, a promise is a promise and you keep it. And it’s not all bad. Things like this can be reasonable right? She’ll get upset of course when someone makes a promise or when she can’t keep hers. She uses promises as a way to hold out hope. She uses them to keep herself and those around her accountable, so she has the assurance that they’ll do what they promised and she’ll do what she promised. That no matter what happens in the world, no matter what life throws at her, she can count on those promises.

So when someone breaks it, when she can’t live up to her promises, it shatters her world view.

And then the problems start to stack up, especially when we get into the realm of false promises, it starts becoming a mess. A mess of false hope. Because remember, to her, promises can be translated to hope (another big part of her character).

Gonna breeze pass through this one but she did make a promise when she first joined the island. A promise to someone, who never kept up his end of it, and she held on to it for MONTHS. For months that child held out her promise and repeatedly brought it up again and again that no matter what she was gonna be alive for when he came back and when he needed her. With not a sign of him returning that promise to her. And this promise was also hope. Hope she wasn’t gonna be left alone again, abandoned.

And that’s when we get into false promises. Because although Tallulah does value them a lot, she also asks for people to promise her things that sometimes cannot be done. There have been countless of times she has tried asking q!Phil to promise her something, but q!Phil has rarely ever promised her anything (with a handful of exceptions). He’s careful, he’s always very careful about what he promises to her because he doesn’t want to make a promise he can’t keep. And whenever he doesn’t promise her something, I feel like a part of Tallulah’s hope gets cracked. Because without a promise, how positive is she that q!Phil will keep his word? How hopeful can she really be that everything will be okay?

She hangs onto promises like a lifeline. They’re the one tether that can keep her hope afloat. And she remembers them, remembers her promises like a burn on her skin.

She’s done the same thing to q!Bad. Has asked if he could promise things, like promise that he wasn’t dying, but q!Bad never could. And when people can’t promise something, she has little hope that everything will be okay.

And some promises she asks for can be so… nonsensical. Promises we know, and I KNOW she knows, cannot be made. But she asks for them anyway. Because she’s a child. A child who just wants everything to be okay and wants her Papa Phil to promise that nothing bad will ever happen to him, to promise that he will never leave them, because she’s a terrified kid of being abandoned again and not having that reassurance, that solid ground, that things will be okay.

But q!Phil can’t promise that. And it aches.

One time she broke that barrier, she couldn’t take it anymore. She asked q!Bad to promise her something and he refused to. And afterwards she just told him to promise it to her even if it’s a lie. She full on broke that glass wall and was transparent.

Pinky promise to me you would not die

At least lie to me

And he did.

Because promises make her feel better. She holds onto them until she can’t, even if it is filled with lies. Because sometimes a child asks for a promise and they don’t expect the truth, they just expect comfort. Because it’s the only thing they can handle.

It’s so sad to watch her hold onto promises that she KNOWS deep in her heart can’t be kept. But still she wishes and she hopes and she believes in these lies as if they’re the only thing holding her up above ground.

Sometimes the promises she asks for can be unreasonable. She puts up a wall to protect herself because reality is scary, it’s terrifying. Tallulah values the truth like no other. She hates lies and she hates when people like q!Phil and Chayanne hide things from her. But when it comes to her dad potentially abandoning her, when it comes to him dying and leaving her, she’d rather believe everything will be okay than face the harsh reality of what’s going on.

And this topic has a lot of nuances I won’t get specifically into. It’s a blend of promises and lies and hope and truth. The lies the promises hold aren’t the same as someone straight up lying to her face and hiding things from her. It’s different instances of a lie.

Anyways, again, a lot of different things I can get into and definitions to go through BUT I will to say that it’s not wrong of her to want to believe everything will be okay. I’m an optimist at heart. ‘Hope’ to me is important and I think it isn’t wrong to have it even when things are looking down. But, something specifically for Tallulah is that alongside that hope, she also is terrified of reality (rightfully so) and tries to erase it by making a promise. And essentially, that’s not how the world works.

It’s such a childish way of thinking. You cannot erase the bad things from happening with a promise. And that’s what Tallulah sometimes does. If she makes q!Phil promise that he won’t leave her, then surely he won’t. That’s how promises work right?

Tallulah holds herself to these promises too. She does everything in her power to keep her word. When she doesn’t, when she breaks a promise she makes, she beats herself up for it.

That first promise she made? She broke it during purgatory and it broke her. It was one of the many accumulated reasons why she hated Purgatory island and everything associated with it. And when she broke that promise a piece of her hope broke with it.

Whenever Tallulah makes a promise to q!Phil she engraves it in her mind. She does everything in her power to keep it. And when she’s accused of breaking a promise, she panics and becomes defensive. She looks back into her mind to see if she ever DID make that promise and if she didn’t she starts defending herself. The conversation begins to shift from the actual issue to “no I never made that promise I didn’t promise you anything I didn’t break anything.” Because it’s SUPER important to her. The idea of breaking a promise is like a rock to glass. So she remembers the promises she makes.

Promises for Tallulah are a childish way for her to rewrite reality. But they’re also a way for her to have hope. There’s a balance when it comes to having hope and being able to see reality for what it is. And it’s something Tallulah struggles with. And I don’t blame her for it.

A child who cannot cope with reality will make pinky promises of clear skies and sunny days. A child who cannot handle the possibility of being abandoned again will make someone promise her to never leave even if she knows things are out of his control. Because in the mind of a child, a promise cannot be broken.

A promise is sealed. It’s a binding rope that should never give. So if Tallulah can make q!Phil promise her things, then that means he will never leave her, that means he will never hurt her. If Tallulah can make q!Bad promise her he won’t die then she can live in the lie that he will be okay. If she can promise to always be by her brothers side then surely they will never be separated again.

Because promise can’t be broken.

Right?

(Deep down inside, she knows).

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kithj · 6 months

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tired of the obsession with "ethical" vampires and also "good" vampires who don't eat.

i think there's a lot to be said about fatphobia and the glamorization of EDs in vampire media, particularly in more modern depictions... i don't want to place the blame solely on twilight because this was happening way before the 2000s but i do think that had a huge impact with meyer's weird obsession and unwillingness to depict the vampires as anything other than thin and pale (and her singular fat aka tall and curvy vampire is described as "intensely feminine" and we don't have time to unpack all of that in this post)

saying that vampire venom "melts the fat" off of people, or that the vampire venom turns a person into their "ideal self" - who is the one saying my ideal self would be skinny? why is that the ideal at all?

i also just find it soooo fucking boring to neuter your vampires in this way. the whole point is to explore these deep desires and impulses and especially in romance these power imbalances that come from human/vampire relationships. i find the "good" vampire to be such a cop out. why even make them a vampire. twc vampires are just glorified super soldiers that work for the government. twilight vampires are just a bunch of mormon models. there's no real substance to them. even if you wanted to make an argument about edward, it falls flat because stephanie meyer doesn't write him intentionally, she genuinely thinks this shit is romantic & isn't ever really interested in exploring their age gap or edward's hunger.

i think interview with the vampire (the show) approaches the "good" vampire in an interesting way with louis. the decision to make him a gay black man adds so much to his desire to be "good" (accepted) and there's more to it than just him not wanting to eat humans; he's worried about the way the world will perceive him. and he still has so much love for claudia despite how different they are and the things she's done (but ultimately he still chooses lestat over her!!!) and he tries to influence daniel's perception of her, too. i also like that they still actually show him eating, versus the cullens, who i don't ever recall being shown on screen (or in the book) eating anything.

when i write about the hunger in blood choke, i worried about how people would react to the hunting scenes in ch2. overall, way more positively than i expected. there's a lot more i want to expand on especially in the next chapter, and i worry about how it may look right now in the game's unfinished state. i don't want the hunger to be something bad, at least not at its core. everyone is hungry. everyone eats. and i wanted to make it so the vampires in my world could not just opt out of it. they can't eat animals, they can't sustain on blood alone, they have to eat.

when it comes to the mc, they struggle with the hunger, but it's more than that. like with louis, it's the combination of that visceral hunger but also being gay and gender nonconforming, someone who has always been an outcast in society struggling to find their way back in after having their memories and sense of self completely wiped clean. their hunger is a manifestation of this idea they have of their past self - the potential for them to become the next Standard - and their physical/sexual desire that they repressed for so long now untethered due to their lack of memories as well as waking up in a more accepting world.

i think this is a much more interesting way to approach the hunger as opposed to painting the actual act of eating as inherently evil. in twilight, all the good vampires don't eat, even when bella is a human she doesn't eat. in dracula, lucy is only ever good when she doesn't eat. and when she does eat, she becomes an evil, indulgent sexual demon that is a threat to all men and she has to be destroyed.

female vampires always get the worst of it; they are sexual deviants, they want to kill all men, they asked for it, they're disgusting and vile for desiring anything from food to sex to independence. this of course goes way back; again, look at lucy. even in more "progressive" vampire media like bit, the lesbian vampire is evil, hates all men, and is tricking and seducing her female companions into it.

it's interesting to see how far back these trends go. dracula and carmilla all the way up to the modern depictions today. the "good" vampire narrative almost never works; i think because the idea of what is "good" is always going to be influenced by the person creating it. edward is not a "good" vampire. he is a 108 year old man who preys on a teenage girl; this should have been far more important to his character than whether or not he, as a vampire, drinks human blood. but instead he's considered good because he only eats deer and he's skinny and white and looks like a model, and because stephanie meyer says he is.

i don't write all this to say that these topics can't be explored (twilight is terrible for many other reasons, and i think iwtv does do it well) but just to point out why, in my opinion, the "good" vampire is usually such a weak narrative. who decides what is good? and there are other ways to explore the themes of desire and humanity than just restricting their diet... just because your vampire doesn't eat humans does not make them automatically good. and to be frank no vampire will ever be ethical!!! that's the point!!!!

#hello. can anyone hear me #this is just a steam of consciousness rant. i dont know #also i still have like 2 or 3 episodes of iwtv left so 🙉#this was inspired by a video i watched on youtube the other day and also people complaining abt twc on the reddit again #and that post going around about how its probably way worse to steal blood from a blood bank than to just drink it from someone LOL #where people then recommend increasingly unethical ways for them to be ethical #like feeding on prisoners (jfc) or tricking people in a spa #even the hotel in blood choke is unethical. i wrote it that way. i purposefully made it so the woman changed her mind #but the mc nor hana care #anyways. sorry im watching a lot of vampire stuff lately lmfao #and im still disappointed by bit i will never get over it #ed tw

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