“He ordered me to kill them. So I did. I killed them all.”

Hurt (Part Two)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 4,896

Warning: Smut, Age Gap, Fluff

****

Over the next two days, both Cillian and Tom had some time off from filming and when you suggested to invite Cillian along to your outings with Tom, Tom was rather surprised.

“You want to ask Cillian to come along? Why?” Tom asked a little surprised and all you could do was to make something up.

“I don’t know. He is on his own and maybe he wants some company” you told Tom and, oblivious as usual, Tom nodded and agreed with your suggestion. He believed that you were simply a being nice, not thinking anything about it.

“Good. Shall I knock on his door to see if he wants to come to the museum with us then?” you asked and Tom responded with a short and somewhat amused “sure”.

With that, you spent the next two days together and you soon realised how much you and Cillian had in common.

He enjoyed art just as much as you did and you spent three hours in a gallery, discussing and arguing about the artists’ point of view while Tom decided to get some shopping done. Art wasn’t his thing, even though he pretended to like it for your sake which, of course, you appreciated.

Just like Tom, Cillian was intelligent and funny and, whilst he was so much older than you, you somehow felt drawn to him. He was much more mature than your friends and ex-boyfriends and even Tom, your best friend, didn’t compare. Cillian was you unique and everything he said made sense to you. Unlike most men you’ve met before, he took you seriously and was incredibly charming regardless of how many times you embarrassed yourself in front of him. He was special and you felt special being around him.

Those two days you’ve spent together were fun and brought you closer together. Cillian’s company made you forget about the pain and heartache which was left behind by your ex boyfriend and this, in itself, was the best feeling you could have hoped for after your heart had been broken into a million pieces.

The problem though was that you were falling for Cillian and you knew that you shouldn’t be getting involved with him. He was twice your age and he was an actor. It would never work, or would it?

Two days later on set…

Bothered by the gossip that had been spread about you and Tom, you sat down inside the costume area of the set, sipping on your cup of coffee and reading the latest headlines. Clearly, you were upset by them and Cillian immediately noticed when he finished his scene and started walking towards you, completely wet and exhausted.

“I wouldn’t take it too seriously Y/N. That’s Hollywood for you” Cillian said, seeing the paper in your hands which showed a picture of you and Tom before stripping off his wet jacket and drying his hair with a towel.

“But it’s so disgusting….the way they portray me…like I am…I am not good enough because I am not some sort of model or actress. It says here that he could do so much better than me…” you sighed before thinking that you were probably annoying Cillian right now. He had only just finished his final scene for the day and here you were, complaining about the press.

“Are you sure you don’t have a crush on Tom?” Cillian chuckled and, luckily for you, he didn’t seem to be annoyed at all.

“Me? Oh god no!” you blurted out quickly while watching Cillian get undressed. He was totally unbothered by the fact that you were right there in front of him and it wasn’t until you began to blush that he walked behind a privacy screen.

“No? Are you sure?” Cillian teased again, speaking to you from behind the screen while poking his head out to the side, grinning.

“I am sure! What even makes you say this?” you asked a little perplexed.

“Because you seem rather upset about this silly piece of gossip in your hands. It is really not worth your worry unless you actually like Tom” Cillian then told you and, as you could see him wiggling around behind the screen, you knew that he was changing his pants.

“Tom is just a friend. I swear!” you said desperately while an exciting tingling sensation ran through your lower body.

“Okay” Cillian chuckled before appearing again in front of you, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

“I am serious!” you told him, seeing that he didn’t believe you. “I am more into older guys and I most certainly wouldn’t date an actor” you then explained before biting your tongue.

“Okay! You don’t have to justify yourself to me” Cillian said in response and, of course, you knew that you didn’t have to. But for some reason, you wanted to.

“So, is there anyone in your life then? Someone you are interested in?” he then asked nonetheless and your face turned red again.  Cillian knew about your ex and the way he treated you. You had told him all about it, but yet he wondered whether, after all of this, you had your eyes on someone new.

“No” you quickly stammered.

“No?” he asked, clearly teasing you.

“I mean, maybe, but it is none of your business. Why are you asking?” you wondered.

“Just curious” Cillian explained before asking you whether you wanted hang out with him that same evening. He knew that Tom had a night shoot ahead of him and, for some reason, he didn’t feel like hanging out with the rest of the cast or crew.

“Yeah, uhm…sure. I would like to” you stammered and, when he asked you what you wanted to do, you suggested ordering in some food and playing computer games.

“You are such a geek, aren’t you?” Cillian chuckled in response.

“Am I?” you asked shyly.

“Yes” he laughed. “But I like it” he then told you and, luckily for you, so was he.

Later that day….

You knew that Cillian read a lot and he enjoyed gaming, even though he wasn’t as skilled as you were when it came to car racing.

He was, however, somewhat competitive and, after you beat him the first time that night, he immediately asked you for a re-match.

“Damn!” Cillian sighed after the second loss before telling you that you should play a best two out of three.

"Shouldn't it be a best three out of five since I'v already owned you twice?" you laughed while looking back at him.

“Good point” Cillian chuckled in response before he moved himself up to a seated position and you started up the third race.

“I think my generation is just better at gaming” you told him as, during the third race, you took the lead again.

“I think you are wrong” Cillian teased before pinching you playfully, throwing you off and making you drive off the side of the track.

"Hey!" you yelped.

"You see…I win!" Cillian laughed.

“You cheated!" you told him somewhat amused.

"Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to win!" he laughed before he started another race and, roughly around the same time on a different track, he put his hand up to act like he was going to block you again.

“I have my eyes on you Cillian!” you said quickly in return while you swung your left arm up to block him so, instead, he began tickling you on your left side.

“Not fair” you yelped as you fumbled about, dropping the remote to the floor and, before the race was even finished you pushed Cillian over and jumped on top of him playfully.

"I can't see!" Cillian laughed before taking in a deep breath.

"You cheated again!" you laughed, bringing your face closer to his as, all of a sudden, Cillian’s hand came up to caress your cheek.

“Can I…” he began to say with more nervousness in his voice than ever before and, before he could finish his sentence, you crashed your lips onto his.

“Yes” you mumbled against his lips before he parted his, allowing you to deepen the kiss at your pace. After all you had told him about your ex he wanted you to take control and so you did.

You kissed him passionately and, just as you were, you could feel your desire for this much older man grow out of control.

Your tongues were exploring each other mouths, hungrier and hungrier for more and slowly, but surely, you were grinding yourself against him.

“Are you sure that this is what you want? I am almost twenty years older than you” Cillian eventually asked when your lips parted after what felt like an hour of kissing and making out.

“I am sure Cillian” you reassured him. “And I don’t care about the difference in age between us. But, just so you know, I am not into one night stands” you told him and he immediately pulled you closer once more.  

“I am not into one-night stands either Y/N. I really like you and I want to see where this goes” Cillian then told you and your eyes went wide as you felt his arousal against your clothed crotched.

"I…uhm…’ you gasped before your lips collided again and Cillian could tell just how you nervous you were.

"And I am also not in a rush. Let’s take this at your pace, alright?” Cillian then said as his arms moved around you, caressing you gently.

“I just…I want to but I’ve never been with anyone but my ex. He was my first ever boyfriend so…” you began to stammer and Cillian responded with a warm smile.

“That’s fine. Like I said, I am not in a rush” he told you before pulling you closer and kissing you again gently.

“I am happy with just kissing you” Cillian whispered but you shook your head nervously. You wanted more, no matter how nervous you were about it and, with that in mind, you scooped forward a little and pressed against Cillian’s most intimate part.

“I don’t think I can resist you Cillian and, by the feel of it, you cannot resist me either” you teased with a nervous smile and Cillian gasped in response, adoring how shy you were around him.

“Well, you are pressing right against my groin so there will be a reaction. I can’t help that” Cillian chuckled and you ground yourself against him some more as the rest of your defences fell.

“I am sorry” you blushed nonetheless and Cillian began to laugh.

“I don’t think you are. You are still doing it” he teased and you giggled nervously.

“Well, I want to sleep with you so…” you stammered and, before you could say anything else, Cillian pushed you off him gently and pulled you up to your feet.

"Where are we going?" you asked nervously as he took your hand and pulled you across the room.

“Over there” Cillian responded before walking towards the large bed in his studio apartment.

“Your bed?” you asked with a nervous giggle and he chuckled again.

“Yes. It’s probably more comfortable than the floor, don’t you think?” Cillian teased as, when you reached the edge of the bed, you released your hold on his hand and sat down.

“I would say so” you laughed with your cheeks blushing red while scooting to the middle of the bed and watching Cillian remove his t-shirt.

Unsurprisingly, he featured a million freckles across his slender body and his chest was covered with just the right amount of hair.

When shirt was off, Cillian moved to the end of the bed and unzipped his pants and you sat in stunned silence. His pants were off and you were too shy to look at what they had been covering.

“Are you sure…” he sought to clarify again, seeing how awkward this was and how nervously you behaved but, just then, you found your courage.

“I am sure” you interrupted him as you quickly pulled your shirt over your head and then tossed it towards the edge of the bed.

"But I just can't wrap my head around your attraction to me" you said, having been made to feel inferior by your ex and being surprised by the fact that someone like Cillian wanted you.

“Why?” Cillian asked as he moved closer towards you but, before you could answer, something in his mind clicked. He knew what the problem was now and, after having heard the stories about your ex, he wanted to rectify how you felt.

He was genuinely attracted to you and there was so much about you that intrigued him so decided to tell you.

“You are beautiful” he said as he leaned down and carefully pushed you skirt down over your hips and you looked up in surprise when his hands took the garment from you before throwing it to the side.

“And you are smart” Cillian then said as he moved between your knees forcing you to lie back while he hoovered over you gently.

“And funny” he whispered before bringing his lips awfully close to yours.

“You are perfect” he then finally said before kissing you again, making you feel incredible right then and there.

"I'm not like him Y/N" Cillian then said after your lips drifted apart and you looked up at him through shimmering eyes.

"Let me show you” he told you and your fingers trembled as you lifted them to trace his jaw.

“Okay” you said and Cillian smiled slightly.

“Show me” you then whispered as you took a deep shuddering breath and your hand slid to the back of his neck and pulled slightly. His lips captured yours in a toe curling kiss again and your breath caught for a second as you lost yourself in the heat he'd ignited.

Fear melted away into white hot desire before you could give another thought to having you heart broken again, this time by the man who was kissing his way down to your bra.

Your mind may have been able to disregard it but your body couldn't. You were so wet it almost embarrassing. Your hips pressed up against his as his tongue caressed the curve of you breast not covered by fabric and your shoulders lifted slightly when his hands slid under your back to undo the hooks of your bra.

“Cillian” you moaned and it took everything you had to keep from crying out when his lips fastened onto your nipple.

He smiled against your skin and then sucked your hard bud into your mouth. Clearly, he was enjoying your breasts and you enjoyed his attention to them.

But then, his attention shifted to an even more intimate place and you groaned loudly when he shifted his weight and his fingers found their way to the edge of your panties and traced the skin next them slowly. He eased them just past the edge, felt the slickness along your slit and sucked in a breath.

“You are so wet” Cillian observed and you felt the muscles of his back tense under your hands.

“I am sorry” you said foolishly as Cillian lifted his head and his fingers delved farther.

“Don’t be. It’s a good thing” he chuckled before carrying on.

"I want to taste you” Cillian then said as he watched your face. In the four years you shared with your ex, on and off, he had never gone down on you and so you hesitated for a fraction of a second before reaching down and pushing your panties down in answer.

Cillian sat up quickly and helped you slip them off.

When he moved to settle between your thighs again, he paused, admiring the stunning picture you made there in the moonlight.

“You are so sexy like this” he murmured as he skimmed your inner thighs with his fingers.

By this time, your chest was thick with arousal and it was getting harder to breathe by the second. You tried to keep you gaze on his but your eyes drifted shut as his fingers slipped between your slick folds and into your softness.

“Oh god” you moaned while your back arched against the mattress as Cillian began to stroke.

He watched you fall into the pleasure of his touch, fascinated by how your body reacted. Your hands gripped the comforter above your head and your hips undulated with a hypnotizing rhythm. He'd never seen such an uninhibited response in a woman.

He lowered his face to your heat slowly and started above your pubic bone, caressing your skin with his lips, planting little kisses as he inched his way down. He surprised you by licking each lip instead of going directly to your little pearl peeking out of its hood. He smiled as your legs trembled and your hips lifted, begging him to push you over the edge. But, he had no intention of letting you find release so soon.

You groaned in frustration as his tongue gazed your hot button and then moved away to lap your lips again.

"Dammit…I can’t…please" you grated and Cillian swallowed a laugh.

"Is something wrong?" Cillian teased. The tone of his voice was so innocent it made you want to smack him.

"You're killing me. This is too much…it feels…oh" you gasped and your voice was cut off with a groan as he licked you right where you needed it.

"You're not going to die” Cillian teased.

"Promise?" you asked as you arched up again and he chuckled softly then gave you another lick.

"I promise” he teased but you couldn't take anymore.

"Please Cillian” you pleaded with him as your hands released the comforter and reached for his shoulders.

"Please what?" Cillian teased again.

"I need you” you told him and he lifted his head to look at your face.

"Are you sure?" he asked and you nodded again quickly.

Having pity on you, Cillian crawled up your body and stretched himself over you. His hardness rubbed against your sensitive lips tearing another groan from you. You lifted your head and tucked your face into his neck.

"Cillian please. I am on the pill…just…please..." you said, sounding desperate and rather needy, unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Look at me” Cillian whispered into your ear as he reached between your bodies to ease himself into place.

With that, your head fell back and you looked up at him with wide open eyes.

“I need you too Y/N" Cillian said as his hips pushed forward slightly, easing him just past your threshold, stretching you in a way you hadn't been before.

You tried to fight the sudden panic that gripped you but he saw it brewing in your eyes. His hips froze, holding his hardness in place. He kissed you softly, deepening it after a few moments as he felt the tension in your body melt away. After a few minutes your hips were straining upwards. He obliged with your request and pushed forward claiming your softness inch by agonizing inch.

“Are you okay?” Cillian then asked as he finally bottomed out inside of you. He was much larger than you had expected and, by the time he had filled you, your breath had taken on a hard edge.

“Yes” you swallowed as your hands were gripping his shoulders tightly as the panic that had threatened to overwhelm you flared back to life. He rocked his hips slowly letting the fires grow hotter. Carefully he lengthened his strokes, watching your face for any signs of pain. But, there were none. You looked up at him with a mix of wonder and unbridled pleasure.

“Oh my god, you are filling me so much” you whispered through a moan and Cillian kissed you softly.

"And you feel amazing” he groaned in response as you lifted your head to kiss him harder as his pace increased, letting his lips capture your moans and gasps of pleasure.

“Shh, we don’t want the entire block to hear us” Cillian eventually chuckled as it didn't take long before kissing you wasn’t enough to cover all the sounds you were making.

“But it feels so intense” you moaned after you pulled your lips from his and tucked your face into his neck trying to gain some kind of control over yourself. It was pointless though. You couldn't stop yourself as his relentless rhythm forced you closer and closer to the brink.

Cillian felt your body tighten in his arms and your hand clenching against his back.

"Give into it” he whispered softly and, after crying out his name, you smashed your lips against his shoulder and were that you were about to embarrass yourself by screaming. He pushed you closer to the edge, grinding his hips with every stroke.

You were powerless against the torrent of sensations when it struck. In spite of your efforts, you did scream. Your entire body strained against it when it snatched you out of the ether he had pulled you into. Your back bowed beneath him, your hand pulled at his hips and your neck stretched as you head was thrown back.

It only lasted a minute but you could have sworn that it went on for an hour or more. You were boneless when it released its hold on you and Cillian kissed you softly when you fell back on the bed.

"That was amazing. You are so fucking beautiful like this" Cillian said quietly and you ducked your head as your cheeks heated with a blush.

"Do it again Y/N. Cum again for me" Cillian then whispered and you were a bit surprised by his request. Not only wasn’t he finished with you just yet, but also had just given you your first ever orgasm and you didn’t think that you could possibly orgasm again so quickly.

"I don't think I can Cillian” you gasped breathlessly.

“I bet you otherwise” he teased while you ran your hands through his hair.

"I guess I can try” you giggled and his rhythm restarted slowly.

“Tell me if you are sore though, and I will stop, yeah?” Cillian then said as he slipped a hand under you back, pulling you up into his thrusts.

“Okay” you whimpered as the pleasure started to build again. He was now hitting your g-spot and began to thrust harder, going deeper than he had been with the intention on taking you with him when his own release came. It meant distracting himself for a few minutes to ensure you were ready but it was worth it when he felt your body tense again.

“Fuck Y/N” Cillian groaned after several more minutes when he gave into it just as it hit you, emptying himself into you as you pulsed around him.

“Oh my god” you moaned in response, feeling the warmth of his cum inside of you and the intensity of your second orgasm was overwhelming.

You looked down at him, caressed his back, and sighed softly. "I didn't know that was possible."

"Hmmm?" He kissed you neck then your lips.

"Having sex like that. I thought that only happened in sappy romance novels" you said with a little giggle, eliciting a laugh from Cillian.

“Well, it sure was the best sex I have had in very long time” Cillian said and he then brushed his lips against yours again and smiled.

“Oh common, as if…” you said shyly, knowing that you were rather inexperienced.

“I am serious Y/N. It was pretty amazing. You are amazing…” he reassured you before slowly pulling out of you and you curled up against his chest.

Unfortunately, you knew that you couldn’t stay the night, no matter how much you wanted to. This sort of thing wasn’t permitted on set and you sure as hell couldn’t risk anyone finding out about you and Cillian just yet, not even Tom.

You didn’t want to receive any lectures from your best friend Tom about the age gap or the fact that you just slept with an actor. You also didn’t want your family to think anything of it, especially not your sister. It was too soon.

With that in mind, after another hour of intimacy and kisses, you made your way back to Tom’s apartment quietly and, of course, he wondered where you were.

“Just walking around, you know, listening to music and stuff…” you lied and, of course, you had never been a good liar. Nonetheless, he believed you. He had no reason not to.

***

The following morning Tom and Cillian caught up with each other on set and, after you discussed your concerns with Cillian, Cillian didn’t say a word to Tom about you.

He knew that he would probably be concerned and worried about you if he was to find out about last night and this was a worry Tom didn’t need while filming. He was still new to the industry and personal matters often took an effect on young actors and their performance on set.

With that in mind, Cillian kept quiet and your name didn’t come up until Tom brought it up himself, asking Cillian and another member of the cast for advice.

“You know man, I really like Y/N and I don’t know what to do about it” Tom blurted out over morning tea while catching a minute with Cillian and Chris.

“You don’t know what to do about what?” Cillian asked a little confused.

“Well, we have Y/N and I have been friends for a while now and I kind of really like her, you know…” Tom explained.

“You like her how?” Chris teased and Cillian took in a deep breath.

“I think I am in love with her. It’s really fucked up but I was actually glad when she ended it with this dumbass back home. He wasn’t right for her and I know that I could treat her so much better” Tom then said and Cillian suddenly began to feel ill to his stomach. How could he not have seen this coming?

“Maybe it is time for you to make your move then” Chris said while Cillian quickly excused himself. He felt guilty and upset, but didn’t know what to do or say to Tom now.  

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caoimhin 2022 reading wrap up

- Gideon the Ninth & Harrow the Ninth - good. made me insane. read them basically cover to cover. awesome

- The Hobbit - 10/10 it's the fuckin hobbit man. this was of course a re-read because I'm cultured

- The Great Gatsby - cool. enjoyed. also a re-read. so true fitzgerald materialism is bad. I love gay people

- Dogsbody - so good. dwj's ability to balance the themes of her stories always gets me. I need to read more of her books

- Howl's Moving Castle - I've read it more than 10 times in the last two years I love it so much 10000/10

- A Study In Charlotte - I love me some sherlock holmes. I love autism. I love people who are fucked up. enjoyed it as much as I did when I was 13

- Castle In The Air - hmc sequel. gets better every re-read. dwj poses an earth shattering question: what if all your favorite characters got even stupider? (this is about prince justin. he's the worst I love him)

- A River Runs Through It - destroyed me. holy shit. I finished that last page and had to go lay down for awhile. I was thinking about it for days. I am haunted by waters. god. good lord almighty.

- House of Many Ways - MASSIVE tone shift from a river runs through it. Charmain is a bitch and I like her so much. twinkle sucks. 9 million out of ten I love you Sophie Pendragon

- Howl's Moving Castle - by the time you finish homw you have to start hmc again to distract yourself from the series ending. howl and sophie were holding one another's hands and smiling and smiling quite unable to stop. I'm gonna pass out

- Hamlet - fuckin classic duh. I read this for the first time in seventh grade because I'm better than everyone. there's a reason it's one of the most widely known pieces of literature ever written

- Pride and Prejudice - also better every time I read it. Jane Austen is a genius. I wish I had an Elizabeth to my Darcy

- The Lightning Thief - percy jackson my beloved

- Sea of Monsters - retweet

- Storm Front - harry dresden is a bitch

- Fool Moon - harry dresden gets grievously injured, still manages to kill people

- Grave Peril - michael carpenter my beloved

- Summer Knight - karrin murphy btw (she is not enjoying herself)

- Death Masks - I love small children who carry great magical power

- Persuasion - Jane Austen I love you. I played minecraft prolifically while I listened to this book. it was so good. genuinely amazing. love love love

- Loki: Agent of Asgard - I always start this and I'm like "ha ha funny comic book" and then by the end I'm completely decimated. the art is so cool and I love watching it change throughout the run. conceptually the whole story and premise are so amazing. I can't really explain the extent of how good it is and do it justice. it's just awesome

- Pride and Prejudice - I forgot that I read this twice but if it's on the list you'd better be damn sure it happened

- The Raven Boys - I love pretentious glasses-wearing teenage boys (me irl)

- Patriot Games - the Harrison Ford movie is better but it was chill ig.

- Dream Thieves - fuck shit up little man

- Blue Lily, Lily Blue - popular among welsh voices in my head

- Murder on the Orient Express - AMAZING. I love hercule poirot so much. although I sort of knew the general ending, having seen, you know, literally any TV show made in the last 100 years, I was really surprised and pleased with the way the whole novel unfolded itself. awesome

- The Raven King - honestly awesome ending to the series. thoroughly enjoyed

- Rebecca - books that changed me at age 8. not sure why my mother chose to give me this book at that age but I'm forever glad she did. Rebecca is dead the entire story and she haunts it more than any ghost could. Spectacular. something about Mrs de Winter's name never being told to us or said out loud, but Rebecca's name being EVERYWHERE.... fantastic

- Blood Rites - I LOVE YOU THOMAS

- Never Let Me Go - I understand why this was award winning and I think I will never read it again

- Howl's Moving Castle - what better way to end my year. howl said I think we ought to live happily ever after and sophie thought he meant it. also I got the fancy illustrated hardcover version for Christmas and I am so happy. I will not be lending it to anyone ever. it's my baby.

Alvin Murphy was the future, Wesson was sure of it.

The only carrier of zombie antigens, a selfless leader determined to spread his gift to the people and uncaring if anyone disliked him. Wes couldn’t help being swept up in his charisma and his cause, working alongside him in Murphytown to create a safe haven for blends as he built his cure. Sure he had a mean streak and his methods could be extreme, but that’s why he had people like Wes. He was Murphys right hand man, seeing his magic up close and helping him establish their little corner of the world.

He might should’ve seen it coming, falling for him. He was nothing if not a lady’s man, a man’s man, anyones man who gave him a time and place really. Wes liked that about him, giving himself so easily and never seeming to run out of affection for any of his suitors. It was less of a competition or game and more like an art, being one of Alvin’s lovers. Wes wasn’t the only one and he didn’t mind it. Would never tie such a big personality down to just one post. A stallion needs to run wild, and Wes was more then honored to run by his side, kicking up dust and getting heady off the whirlwind of abundant desire. And Murphy was perfect. Sweet and funny in tender moments, biting and sarcastic when he felt threatened, but only because of a deep seated insecurity that Wes (maybe somewhat delusionaly) wanted to smooth away until he was soft all around like how he was when they were alone. He wanted to grow by his side and let their friction make softer men of them both, let love be the water carving canyons out of their hard spots until they were two smooth stones that fit together like puzzle pieces.

There was just one thing, though. This sticking point that no matter what he did, Wes couldn’t understand. Murphy was kind of… obsessed. With this kid. And he wasn’t even anybody, really. A good shot, a bit opinionated but there was plenty of opposition and none of it really got to Alvin like this kid did. Ten thousand. A hell of a name, but their town was home to plenty of folk whose ID didn’t match their self expression, who carved out names and identities for themselves in the freedom of the apocalypse and the acceptance of their small utopia.

10k quickly became all Murphy would talk about, how to wear the kid down and make him submit. It turned Wes stomach a bit, but he shrugged off his discretions because this clearly mattered a lot to him, and the two clearly had history. But when he grilled the boy for hours, made him admit to a name Wes felt ashamed to hear, and then used that name against him. Used a piece of this kid that he clearly wanted buried, for no benefit other than to make him squirm. Made him cut himself, play dangerous games for his own entertainment while Wes was made to watch on, sick to his stomach. That was harder to understand.

He tried to broach the subject gently, asking in the glow after a good meal and his least confrontational voice, “What’s the deal with the kid? Why’s he so important to y— the mission?”

Murphy saw through the angle though. “Darling,” a kiss to his hand, “I told you that’s personal. There’s years of history you wouldn’t understand. Now why dont we talk about something more pleasant?” And so the tide of the evening was turned, pulled by Murphys will like the sea bows to the moon. Sometimes Wes felt like the ocean with Alvin, pulled by his magnetism into a stellar dance. But in moments like this he felt more like a rickety ship, pulled and pushed by the currents into whatever storm or calm sea that his commander and lover wished. Treading water in churning salt, something tugged at the back of Wes’ mind. How young was this boy when he first drew Murphys ire, and what the hell could he have done to deserve this?

Wanting to spread some positivity among fan artists!

When you get this ask, link your

Favourite art piece you’ve ever drawn

A piece where you experimented with a different art style than your usual one

Your very first artwork for the fandom of your choice.

You don’t have to link just a single work. It can be commissions, sketches or even little notebook doodles. It can be old childhood drawings. This is all about you and your wonderful little gifts your own fandoms!

Thank you for taking such time and precision to create beautiful things!

Mads!!!! how you doing?

Favourite art piece you've ever drawn

THIS. I just love this one so much because they're like my favourite characters/ favourite trio from my favourite book in the Playchoices universe, because that's a full body piece which is hard. They're the best<3

And the Cas x MC one! obsessed with this actually, because their outfits here is kinda very hard and I'm glad It looks exactly how I want it to look like. I'm not into how I draw their hairs anymore but I discovered something about drawing hairs here so yeahh.

Also, the piece I'm currently working on is one of my favourite! posting it in a few days maybe? lol

A piece where you experimented with a different art style than your usual one

The Blaine Hayes art piece is where I experimented lighting. And It looks fine ig? I like it, I tried to make the light a neon light cuz neon looks cool!

And ofc, the Six Fanarts Challenge! you can clearly see the differences of how I draw their faces, Mal is the first one and Lawrence is the last. I think we can see more expression in Lawrence's face than Mal's, the lips, and the eyes. You can also see the differences in their outfits especially the F!Cas's one and Murphy's. F!Cas's fit, I made it more basic and changed the design of her top (cuz I was lazy💀✋) and It looks weird lol. And Murphy's fit, I completed it, the chains and the belts (guess I'm not that lazy here) same in Lawrence's! and how I coloured it looks different than the first ones too. Funny how a style can change in a few days XD

Your very first artwork for the fandom of your choice.

I'm gonna choose the Playchoices fam because it's the main theme of my blog. So, the first fanart I posted here is actually the Trystan x MC x Alice lol because I always doubt that I can draw digitally. I know digital art a longgg time ago but I'm just always not in the mood to try and learn the tools and this and that because they're a LOT, I was like, why can't there be a pen that draws exactly what's on my mind🙄 But I'm glad I pushed and teach myself instead of a pencil and a piece of paper that hurt my damn hands (but thanks to them I learned how to draw in the first place) but digital is where I improved.

That's not even the first ever fanart I made for the fandom! I just didn't posted it lol so I'll just put it right here ig?

Yeah that's Raleigh Carerra from Platinum and he doesn't have a face because I don't know how to draw a face then💀 I don't even know how to blend colours so yeahh.

That's all! and moreee to come cuz I'm only getting started! Thank you so much for this one, Mads! I love you and have a great day<333

Design & Art History

In the last part of the sixties something happened to an american age that would stamp them for eternity. It is an account of war, the battle for racial balance and the blast of nonconformity, it was the point at which an age revolted, and lost its honesty in the battle against shamefulness. "Top Comic Book Artists" Vietnam was the very first broadcast war, and the pictures were unpreventable.

10 years that finished with dissatisfaction and fury started on an ethical high note. Because of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King jr, it appeared to be the ideal opportunity for racial equity in the US had at long last shown up. "comic book artist USA"

There is such a huge amount to expound on in this time, that choosing only one thing to zero in on is extremely challenging. Despite the fact that there is a ludicrous measure of craftsmanship and plan that stems from this time span. At the point when we discuss the "sixties" all we appear to perceive is the music, hallucinogenic stone and craftsmen like Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix specifically. "Comic books"

Collection workmanship and celebration banners anyway is a decent spot to begin. As music was an awe-inspiring phenomenon, so came the collection work of art and banner plans, inseparably. One thing that is by all accounts re-happening with a large portion of the visual craftsmen at the time is a connection with "Underground Comix". "Top Comic Book Artists" These were little press or independently published comic books, typically socially significant and sarcastic in their temperament. These portrayed substance considered ill suited and taboo to the more severe traditional press.

Rick Griffin: At the point when we look into band banners it is difficult to try not to track down a Grateful Dead banner some place, anyplace. The craftsman behind these were Rick Griffin. He was an American craftsman and one of the main creators of hallucinogenic banners during the 1960s. His work inside the riding subculture included both film banners and his funny cartoon, Murphy.

Victor Moscoso: A Spanish-American craftsman, Moscoso was the first of the stone banner specialists of the 1960s period with formal scholarly preparation and experience. In the wake of concentrating on workmanship at the Cooper Union in New York and later going to Yale University, he moved to San Francisco in 1959 to learn at the San Francisco Art Institute. Here he later turned into an educator. He was one of the first of the stone banner craftsmen to involve visual collections in his specialty work.His craftsmanship and banner work has gone on up to the present and he is a major motivation to shake banner and collection artists right up 'til now. "best comic artists in 2022"

Bonnie MacLean: Another American craftsman making a name for her self at the time was Bonnie MacLean. She was brought into the world in Philadelphia and moved on from the Penn State University in 1960. She then, at that point, moved to New York where she worked at the Pratt Institute while going to attracting classes the nights. "Top Comic Book Artists" She later moved to San Francisco where she met and worked with a man named Bill Graham, who became renowned as the advertiser of stage performances at the Fillmore Auditorium. There she worked close by one more craftsman by the name of Wes Wilson. "Professional comic book artist"

Wes Wilson: The previously mentioned craftsman Wes Wilson was likewise one of the main artists of hallucinogenic banners in the 1960's. Working with Bill Graham and Bonnie MacLean, he was a major piece of advancing settings at the time with banners and illustrative work for performers and groups. The textual style and lettering of the banners from this time were made by him. "Top Comic Book Artists" He advocated this "hallucinogenic" text style around 1966 that made the letters seem as though they were moving or liquefying. This lettering is as yet utilized on more current collections and works of art for craftsmen like Foo Fighters, Kyuss Lives and The Queens of the Stone Age. This thusly demonstrates that the hallucinogenic development is as yet impacting craftsmen, particularly in the realm of metal, desert rock and stoner rock. The style is a lot of still alive similar to possess staple. "Top Comic Book Artists"

Current banner styles: Banners actually impacted by the styles of craftsmanship can be followed through reverences and motivations in rock and metal banners from the current as far as possible back to this time. A few present day banners can be seen on the pages of Malleus Rock Art Lab in the event that you ought to be intrigued. I for one track down a ton of motivation through their symbolism. "Top Comic Book Artists"

“I can’t believe you want to get rid of them,” Murphy huffs, shifting his backpack on his shoulder. “The fun we could have.”

Clarke elbows Murphy on his behalf. “I think I speak for the entire world when I say, I’m just relieved you're not the one with weird ghost powers.”

“Hey,” Bellamy protests, halfheartedly.

“Weird doesn’t mean bad,” Clarke defends.

Now it’s Clarke on the receiving end of Bellamy’s scowl. “I just need to get through this year in one piece,” Bellamy says. “If my mom—or pretty much anyone—finds out about this, I’m going to end up in pieces. Literally.”

“That’s not funny,” Clarke scolds.

“It’s a little bit funny,” Murphy smirks.

A little Bellarke Big Bang sneak peek!

I’m so excited to publish my @bellarkebigbang fic on June 5th! You can look forward to @underbellamy truly outdoing herself with the accompanying artwork, I’m genuinely in awe of her talent and stunning art💚🖤

Ghost stories | Huening Kai

Pairing: Huening Kai x reader; Choi Beomgyu x reader (platonic); Choi Yeonjun x reader (platonic); Choi Soobin x reader (platonic); Kang Taehyun x reader (platonic)

Warnings: none

Genre: fluffiest fluff to fluff

Words: 2.5k+

Summary: late-night sneaking with your three best friends in school ending with just two best friends left. And a sweet cliche

A/n: I was inspired to make this from this video of hyuka, tae, and beommie exploring the runaway set and saying its haunted bcs babies. and also MY FIRST TXT FIC!!!! uwu

There were almost 800 students; probably more who attended your school who you could’ve befriended with. But nooo, you had to befriend the five guys who for some reason always had trouble following them. Like murphy’s law.

“Please,” Yeonjun pouts, laying on Soobin’s bed in his dorm room. Being surrounded by his five other friends and Soobin in the kitchen making soup for the older. When no one said anything, Yeonjun grabs the person closest to him, which was, unfortunately, Beomgyu, and begs, “Please Beomgyu? Do it for hyung? Yeah? Please?” 

“Hyung we’ll be expelled if we’re caught. School grounds strictly close after 10pm. Not even club members are allowed to go there for meetings after the time limit.” Beomgyu said, “And plus, you're sick. We can't let you go out if we’re going to be carrying you around five minutes later.”

“Hyung is perfectly fine,” Yeonjun says and sneezed at the exact same time after he says it. Earning a half-hearted scoff from Taehyun.

“You’re not fine, hyung. Don’t be so stubborn and just get well, then you can apologize formally to your art teacher yourself,” he says, sounding like he’s scolding the older.

“But- but my pride!” Yeonjun says dramatically, moving his arm to his forehead as he sighs, “What would they think when they hear that popular senior Choi Yeonjun is apologizing for something he does wrong?”

“That you're humble?” Huening Kai says under his breath, and you can’t help but giggle a little at that.

“Come on, (Y/n), back hyung up here!” Yeonjun says, and you can't help but sigh at how miserable he looks.

“Alright, we’ll do it,” you say, and Yeonjun immediately brightens at that.

“Really? For real? Oh (Y/n) do you know hyung loves you so much?” Yeonjun says, throwing his arms up to cheer, but only ending in a coughing fit.

“I mean, I love (Y/n) too and support you and all,” Beomgyu turns to you, his expression saying all it needed, “But are you out of your mind!?”

“Yah don’t change her mind!” Yeonjun says desperately, “Hyung will get you ice cream when I’m better, okay (Y/n)? Just make sure you do it without getting caught!”

Kai grabs your shoulder and leans down to whisper into your ear, “No offense, but are you crazy?”

You turned around to face the four, “Aish, come on guys let’s just do it for Yeonjun. You know he’ll never shut up if his reputation gets ruined. And if his art teacher sees what he had turned in as his piece, he’ll get suspended, or worse, expelled.” You say, pleading them to help, “Come on it’s our hyung here.”

“Yeah do it for hyung!” Yeonjun says, seemingly eavesdropping, and Taehyun rolls his eyes at him.

“Fine, I’m in. But only because I know if you get your ass expelled you're not going to cook for us anymore.” Taehyun says, then walks out of the room. 

“Yay! hyung will treat you all to ice cream if you succeed, I promise!” Yeonjun says, coughing a little at the end.

“Just get some rest for now, hyung. We’ll take care of it.” Beomgyu says, defeated as he walks to the door, opening it for Soobin to walk in with a full tray of food just for the older.

“Did Yeonjun convince you?” Soobin asked, and Kai shakes his head.

“He convinced (Y/n), we’re just going to she doesn’t get her ass in trouble,” He says casually, and Beomgyu nods at what Kai says, walking out. You stare at them in disbelief.

“I can't believe them,” you mutter under your breath, and Soobin chuckles.

“Good luck sneaking into school,”

“Are you not coming with us?” You ask, and Soobin shakes his head.

“Someone needs to take care of the drama queen,” Soobin says, whispering the last part, and on cue, Yeonjun whines.

“Binnie, hyung wanna eat,” Yeonjun says from the bed, making grabby hands to the younger boy. Soobin sighs.

“Good luck with that,” You say, implying Yeonjun. Soobin smiles, dimples and all, in return and walks past you, heading to the bed and you joined the trio.

Huening Kai, Beomgyu and Taehyun were in Tae’s room, you walked in and saw he had laid various flashlights and a tool kit on the floor and on his bed was various keys, each labeled accordingly. 

“Wh.. what are all these? Where did you get the keys, Taehyun?” You asked in disbelief, to which Tae replies with a simple wink.

“Magic,” He says

“No doubt its from all his pranking,” Beomgyu mutters to himself, sighing in fake disappointment. Guess there was a reason why Taehyun was dubbed as the school’s prankster by everyone.

“Yah, gear up. We’re not going to attract attention so take these flashlights.” Taehyun says, throwing the smaller one to you, “Does anyone here have a good memory of how the school looks like?”

“Oh, I can do that!” Kai says, Taehyun handing him the bigger flashlight. Kai did have most of his classes spread out across campus, it was no surprise he knew every nook and cranny of the school.

“Here wear this,” Taehyun throws you his black hoodie, and you catch it easily.

“For what?” You asked, but complied because everything Taehyun owns was a hoodie and all his hoodies were comfortable as fuck.

“If you think pajamas with very bright yellow ducks on them will be easy to sneak in, there’s something seriously wrong with you.” 

You look down at your pajamas and sure enough, they were covered in yellow ducks, but you scoffed, “I’d have you know the ducks protect me from demons when I sleep.”

 “And by a demon, you mean Yeonjun hyung?” Kai says, interrupting your sibling bickering toying with his flashlight.

“Yeah, demons and him,” You say, chuckling as you played with the sleeves of Taehyun’s hoodie, “Oh and don’t think we don’t know that you’ve probably already done this before.” 

Taehyun only smiled sheepishly

.

“Wait this hoodie doesn’t belong to you,” You suddenly said, right when the four of you had broken in and were walking in the very, very dark and empty halls of the school. Making all three boys jump when your voice echoed, Beomgyu shushing you by clamping a hand on your mouth.

“Do you know that if you were in a horror movie, you’d die first?!” he whisper-shouted, and you tried to pry him off.

“I was just surprised, sorry!” You giggled a little, Kai shakes his head with a small smile.

“Drop it guys. We’re nearing the art room, no one will hear us if they were right outside here anyways,” he says, opening the door to the art room and shining his flashlight to the art displayed there, “What the- God that scared me,” Kai laughs a little.

“What is it?” You asked him, walking towards where he was as Taehyun and Beomgyu lags behind.

“Isn’t this fitting?” Kai shines the flashlight towards an art piece that looked like it was covered in blood, arms reaching towards the middle of the frame, “Scary.”

“Hey, isn't this your favorite candy, Beomgyu?” Taehyun asked, looking at a mannequin that was dressed in what seemed like candy wrappers made to look like an outfit, Beomgyu gasps dramatically, “It is! Oh my God... did they eat all of these candies just to make this? I didn’t know such cruel people existed,” Beomgyu says dramatically, pouting at the end. Taehyun claps the older’s back.

“Come on guys, let’s focus first,” You said, turning to the trio, “Let’s go and search for Yeonjun hyung’s art piece,” 

“Someone should keep watch,” Taehyun says, “You know, just in case,”

“I’ll do it,” you volunteer.

“I’ll go with you,” Kai chirps beside you, “Can’t have you alone out there,” He adds, motioning the flashlight to the empty hallways.

“Then it's settled, give us fifteen minutes,” Beomgyu says, Taehyun already diving into the shelves to search for wherever the art teacher had placed their Hyung’s work before she reviews it the next morning. Beomgyu pushes the two of you outside, “Just shout ‘Soobin’ if you hear someone coming,”

“Why him?” Kai asked, turning around and Beomgyu just shrugs.

“Just do it!” He says, then walks back to the art room.

Silence passes through the thick air once you and Huening Kai were left alone.

“I feel bad for Soobin hyung now,” You chuckle, trying to ease the awkward tension in the air. Leaning against the wall of the opposite room of the art room.

“For Soobin hyung? I feel bad for us,” Kai replies, and it made the both of you laugh.

Just then, the door you were leaning on creaks. You both jump at the loud sound, stilling until the door opens wide.

“Crap, I didn’t know that door opens,” You say, still staring at the door.

“It’s the old Chem lab, they don’t use it anymore,” Huening Kai says from behind you, walking forth, “Wanna check it out with me?”

You glance at the art room before turning back to Kai with a grin, “Let’s be quick,”

You crept behind the older male slowly, at first peeking inside the room. It smelled of chemicals and it was filled with boxes and cobwebs, apparatuses that were broken or we’re not transferred to the new rooms still sat in the workbenches and there were still writings on the chalkboard.

Just as Huening Kai was about to comment about the place, you both hear the door to the lab slam shut, the both of you jumping at the sound, frightened.

“What the-” Kai says, whipping around and running to the door, trying to open it, “Fuck, Beomgyu?! Taehyun?!” he says desperately, shining his flashlight towards the door which had, unfortunately, reflected the light, not projecting it outside.

“Does it not open?” You asked, trying to remain calm as you ran over to the door and try to open it yourself, hoping the door had shut because of the wind, “Taehyun this isn’t fucking funny!” You cry, hoping it was your stupid roommate who had did this as a prank for not keeping watch.

“Shit shit shit-” you panicked, all murder scenes from every horror episode coming into your mind at once, rattling the door by the knob and knocking on it several times, “It’s- It’s jammed,” you chocked, starting to hyperventilate. You were not going to have a break down now.

“Hey, hey calm down, (Y/n),” Huening Kai walks towards you, easing you with his hands, “Don’t panic, just breathe with me, okay? They’ll notice that we’re not there and come get us,” He says, pulling you to him, knowing how scared you were in situations like this.

“We’re locked in the oldest room in the furthest part of the building- we’re not fucking okay!” You shake in his arms that Kai had circled you in.

“Beomgyu and Taehyun are next doors, they’ll get us,” he says, and you notice his voice was shaky too. That's when you realized that he’s probably trying to contain his fear aswell. He was also afraid.

You crouch down, and since Kai was hugging you to him, he was pulled down with you. You both sat in the dark laboratory in silence. The air was still, and there was only a single window by the door that served no help due to the fact that it reflected the flashlight beam back. Not that the window would’ve been much help anyway.

“We’ll... we’ll be alright.. right?” you asked, and that made Huening Kai chuckle a little.

“I hope,” he says, “Is your flashlight dead?”

You look down into your hands- you had almost forgotten that you had a flashlight! You turned the switch on and, thank god, it opened. Providing you with a little more ray of light.

“It works!” You exclaim, lifting it up, and hitting Kai in the process.

“Ouch- fuck-” he cursed, covering his jaw which you had hit with the flashlight, and you covered your mouth.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I-” You walked towards him, reaching to rub the spot you had accidentally hit, and he raised his hands to tell you it was okay, but had shone the bigger flashlight he was holding right into your iris.

Now it was your turn to hiss, your palms coming to cover your eyes that had filled with tears, responding to his beam of light that suddenly blinded you for a moment.

“A-Are you okay?” the older male walks to you, still rubbing his jaw, and you giggled a little at the karma that you got, “Why are you laughing?” Kai asked, but his tone a little less worried now because of you giggling.

“I deserved that,” You said, now a little calmer than before, walking towards his voice and immediately cupping his face, brushing your thumb over his jaw where you had hit him, “Does it hurt?”

“I’m-” Huening Kai stutters, looking down at your concerned face, all your attention completely towards him, and he releases a soft sigh, seemingly not realizing what the words came out of his mouth next, “I’m... I’m so in love with you,”

Well, that wasn’t what you expected.

He must’ve thought you hadn’t heard him because his face started heating up in your hands, and he clears his throat, “(Y/n)?”

“Y-Yes?” You asked, “Sorry?”

Huening Kai looks awkwardly at you for a brief moment, then shakes his head.

“N-Nevermind,” He says, standing up and holding out a hand for you, “Are you okay?”

You took his hand and he pulled you up. You had heard what he said, and you really didn’t want him to regret what he had revealed because quite honestly;

You had loved him too.

“N-No, Hueningie, I’m- well actually it’s- it’s fine,” You rambled, and the older tilts his head.

“What is, (Y/n)nie?”

Explaining with your hands didn’t work, so, stressfully, you had cupped both of his cheeks in your hands, and pulled him down.

His lips were on yours in a matter of seconds.

Sure, it was a little cliche, to be kissing with your crush and simultaneously the person who had confessed to you not five minutes ago, but it was a sweet cliche. One where he had smiled into the kiss, and instead of pulling away in shock, he had wrapped his arms around the small of your waist, and one of your hands had made way into his hair. Where your lips were moving in sync as unspoken love revealed.

And where two certain best friends were giggling from outside.

“So cute,” Beomgyu giggles when he snaps a picture quietly, two of his best friends finally getting together after the frustration of you both not realizing you loved each other, “Yeonjun hyung owes me a week of free lunch!”

“You had a bet with Yeonjun hyung?” Taehyun asked the younger to which he responds with an enthusiastic nod, and the other sighs, turning back to the scene in the laboratory.

“Let’s get then out of there before someone comes,” Taehyun says, walking over to the door with his key, Yeonjun’s art piece, and a small victory smirk, “Or worse, if they start making out,” he continues, to which Beomgyu responded with a look of pure disgust.

cats

the second part of this is basically what i did last night but connor is a lot braver than me. anyway.

Evan does this at least once a week.

He gets home, and for whatever reason, whether it be the smile Connor gave him during lunch that lasted a bit too long or that romantic-looking restaurant he walked by on the way home, he's feeling sappy.  And he walks straight to his room, lays down on the floor, and listens to Cavetown.

The amount of time Evan spends on the floor is directly proportional to how many times he caught Connor looking at him during science class. Sometimes he counts; the record so far is 23 times in one class period. He spent two hours on the floor that day, staring at the ceiling.  

As soon as he's home, he's settled on his carpet with the soft sounds of a guitar playing in his headphones.  It's peaceful, quiet. There are only a few things that Evan thinks about, and number one on his list is how much better it would be if Connor was here.

His heart talks about Connor a lot.  His mind objects, but Evan's heart seems to beat with his name.  Connor Murphy Connor Murphy Connor Murphy.  Evan never gets tired of it.  His heart talks about Connor's hair, his eyes, his smile, his hands-

Don't get him started on Connor's hands.

Evan has watched Connor draw before.  The style of his art matches him well.  It's sharp, fast, messy, perfect. But when he's drawing, Evan watches Connor's hands rather than the piece. 

They're fluid.  They glide.

Connor Murphy does not glide.  He stomps, he runs, he marches, but he does not glide.  But when he's drawing, his hands float. They look the same, as angular as Connor himself, but they're different.  Softer. Evan figures Connor's face is the same, but he's always been too focused to look.

Evan often considers what Connor's hands feel like.  They look strong, but Evan is certain they're lighter than they seem.  He wonders what it would be like to hold Connor's hand. Is he one of those people that would hang on too tight?  Would he barely touch Evan's hand? Would he be grossed out by Evan's sweaty palms?

Evan also, more tentatively, thinks about Connor's hands on his face.  In his hair. Looped around his waist. These thoughts, of course, are more focused on where Connor's mouth would be at the moment, but there is attention to his hands then, too.

And Connor's mouth.  Of course. His lips are always chapped and often bleeding because Connor picks at them when he gets bored and Evan knows this because he stares at Connor during French class and he knows Connor hates French.  Connor bites his lips a lot, too. It isn't meant to be nearly as swoon-worthy as it makes Evan feel, but it nearly breaks him every time Connor chews on his lip. Evan's fairly certain this is something he does when he's bored, too, although it might be a nervous habit.

Connor has a lot of nervous habits, from what Evan's seen.  He spins his pen, taps his foot, braids little strands of his hair — the list goes on.  Evan knows each and every one of them.

—— 

Connor has his own sort of ritual.  After begging Zoe to stop at Tim Hortons so they could get coffee, he sits at the window in the den and watches Law & Order SVU.  He had never seen it until Zoe showed him the John Mulaney bit about Ice-T and now he's addicted. It's a problem.

Unbeknownst to either, Connor's SVU marathons are the equivalent of Evan's Cavetown sessions.  Evan thinks about Connor and Connor thinks about Ice-T. And Evan. Mostly Evan. 

Connor has a thing for the way Evan talks.  He knows that Evan himself hates it and most of the school thinks he's annoying, but Connor thinks it's adorable.

Evan has to say exactly what he wants to say, and if he messes it up, he will start over.  He messes up a lot.  It doesn't help that sometimes his tongue catches on words and he gets stuck on a certain sound and has to go back to the beginning of the sentence.  It takes active listening to understand what he's saying but it makes Connor melt.

That's the thing that makes Connor think so hard.  He's supposed to be the mopey badass, the scary emo, the aloof rebel-without-a-cause.  He has a reputation to uphold, even if it's less punk and more school shooter (okay, less punk and more sad).  He may be openly bisexual, yes, but he shouldn't be falling for a tiny tree-obsessed nerd.  

And the fact that Evan of all people is the one his heart decided on is, well, bad.  Connor's too worried that Evan isn't into him to do anything other than stare and Evan can't take a fucking hint.  Connor may think his cluelessness is cute, but it's also really inconvenient.  Connor thinks a lot of things about Evan are cute but inconvenient.

Evan is really, really good at accidentally blocking people's paths and then moving out of the way at the same time the other person does, thus blocking them again.  Evan hates it and Connor thinks it's funny. If it goes on for long enough, Evan starts blushing, and Connor starts falling apart.

And oh my god, when Evan blushes.  It's not like it's uncommon, Evan is both awkward and incredibly aware of it, but Connor still thinks it's adorable.  It brings out his freckles and colors the tops of his ears pink. If Evan is especially embarrassed, he'll try to hide in his hands, but his fingertips are always tinged with the same rose-colored mortification. 

Connor's thoughts drift as he pulls out his phone and scrolls through instagram, but Evan is still there in the back of his mind.  He's always there, no matter what Connor is doing. He spots Evan in the shadows created by the trees in the backyard; sees Evan's worried smile on his mother's face; catches himself doodling Evan's silhouette in the background of drawings. Evan, Evan, Evan.

Connor's phone buzzes in his hand as he scrolls past a collection of Bee Movie memes.  He opens the message, noting it's from Evan.

hhey

He's still typing, but Connor replies anyway.

whats up

The typing bubble disappears for a moment, then pops back up

what r u duing

Connor takes a moment to grin at the misspelling before he responds.

watching svu

do u eanna come see cats with ne 

uhh?? no but absolutely yes im coming, what time

theres a show jn half an hour 

cool see you then

Connor tucks his phone into his pocket and pulls his hands through his hair.  He's going on a date. With Evan. But it's not a date, his mind says.  Connor ignores it.

He's out the door in no time, stopping only to grab a half-eaten bag of twix and shove it in the pocket of his hoodie.  

——

Evan arrives at the theater before Connor does, and sits down next to a claw machine after buying his ticket.  He thinks about texting Connor, but his energy for starting conversations is nearly gone — he barely stuttered his way through asking for a medium popcorn, so he's decided to recharge for a bit while he waits for Connor.

Connor bursts through the door a few minutes later, then stops to look around.  He breaks into a smile when he spots Evan, who lifts his hand in a tired wave. Evan watches Connor talk to the woman at the ticket booth, then the man at the concession stand.  He approaches Evan with a bag of Sprees in his hand.  

"Hey," he says.

"Hi."

"I know Sprees are the worst, but they're the only food that seems to last past the previews, so."  Evan nods, trying to hide the already partially eaten bag of popcorn sitting next to him. "Well, shall we?" Connor reaches down to pull Evan up from the bench.  Evan smiles as thanks, but Connor doesn't let go of his hand. His mind moves at the speed of light, even though there are only two thoughts in his head: Connor Connor Connor and hand.

Connor holds onto him all the way to the screening room, where he tugs Evan into the back row.  He drops Evan's hand as they sit. Connor drops the Sprees into the cupholder on his left and pulls out the Twix, which he starts inhaling immediately.

When the movie starts, there's only one other person in the room: an old man in the front row, who Connor insists is Andrew Lloyd Webber himself, and it's not an issue if they talk because Webber started this whole fiasco and deserves to hear their "critiques."  

The moment the first cat appears on the screen, Connor is laughing.  "Why does she have boobs?" he whispers.  

"Connor!" 

"If they're going to give her boobs, she should have six, not two."

"Connor, talk quieter!"

"Are we supposed to be attracted to the cats?"

Defeated, Evan drops his face into his hands while Connor cackles next to him.  

They make it to Rum-Tum-Tugger without any other mishaps, but as soon as the new cat starts singing, Connor loses it again.  

"Why is he wearing a fur coat?  That's terrifying!"

"What?" 

"You'd be scared if you saw someone wearing a coat made of skin."  Evan looks over at him with a desperate expression on his face.

"Connor, please," he begs, "let's just… let's appreciate cat Jason Derulo."

Connor nods, still wheezing, and calms down a bit.  Until cat Jason Derulo whips off his fur coat in a display of his cat muscles.

Connor drops his head onto Evan's shoulder.  "I can't do this," he says through a fit of giggles.  

But Evan is more focused on the fact that Connor's head is on his shoulder oh my god.  And Evan hears Connor's foot tap, tap, tapping on the floor.  Nervous habit. And once again, Connor's hand finds his. 

"Gotta ground myself.  Make sure we're not dead, y'know."  So Evan, with as much bravery as he can muster, squeezes Connor's hand.  And Connor squeezes back.

But Connor doesn't move.  He stays there, his head on Evan's shoulder, his hand in Evan's hand.  And Evan can't focus on the movie anymore. He eventually picks his head up to laugh at Mr. Mistoffelees, but Connor hangs onto Evan's hand for the rest of the movie.  He's soft, softer than Evan expected, and evidently doesn't mind his sweaty palms, so Evan doesn't complain.

As the credits roll, Evan gathers the bits of courage he has left and look over at Connor.  "Is, uh, was this, like a date? Or did I, um, completely misinterpret what's- did I misunderstand this? B-because-"

Connor cuts him off.  "Do you want this to be a date?" He's quiet, much quieter than normal.

Evan's voice is even smaller when he answers.  "Um. Yeah." He stares down at his free hand, trying to avoid the one Connor still has a firm grip on.

"Great.  Then it was a date."  Evan can hear the smile in Connor's voice.  He looks up, and Connor is beaming, and Evan can hear his foot tapping the floor again.  And Connor's hand is on his jaw and Evan is leaning forward and their lips are pressed together.

It's different than Evan had imagined.  Slower. Gentler. But he's kissing Connor Murphy and Connor Murphy is kissing him back.

Evan is the first to pull away.  He knows his face is a bright shade of pink, but he doesn't really care.  His phone buzzes in his pocket.

"Oh, uh, my mom's here."  He thinks he sees Connor's face fall for half a second, but he isn't sure. 

"Oh.  Alright.  See you soon."  

Evan leans over and pecks his cheek.  "Thanks."

going back to my roots.. doing screenshot redraws again

622: Angels Revenge

I would pay folding money for a half-hour gag reel of all the times Mike swung too hard or in the wrong direction or the wind was wrong and he took off Crow’s head.  It had to happen at least twice.  MST3K was not known for the sturdiness or sophistication of their props and we love them for it.

A fourteen-year-old boy steals some stuff from a drug dealer who looks an awful lot like Ben Murphy.  In revenge, Fake Ben Murphy and Actual Jack Palance beat the shit out of him. This upsets both the kid’s sister, an up-and-coming musician, and his schoolteacher, and they hatch a plot to destroy the drug depot.  They recruit a few friends – a Hollywood stuntwoman, a karate teacher, a model, a cop, and one of the teacher’s students – and steal some ammo from a bunch of neo-Nazis, and then it’s on to beat up the druggies!

I guess the idea behind this movie is fairly sound – a group of women get together to do a job the men aren’t willing to do.  The question of just why the men aren’t willing to do it is an open one.  Do the drug dealers own the police or something?  I dunno.  At the time it came out, Angels Revenge was panned as a ripoff of Charlie’s Angels, which it most unquestionably is, but there’s a reason that was a successful formula: women enjoy movies in which women kick ass, and men enjoy looking at boobs.  In the right hands, it would still have been a ripoff, but it could have been a much better ripoff.  Unfortunately, the grubby hands it got into were those of Greydon Clark.

The opening of this movie is a series of annoying missteps. A group of women we do not know (we’re not even sure how many there are) invade a gas station in the middle of nowhere and start blowing stuff up.  Their names are given in the opening shot but not in a way that makes them memorable. One character apparently dies, the others go on without her, and then she reappears to save the day.  None of this makes much of an impression beyond ‘oh, look, tits’, but we can tell they’re trying to get into the main building.  We get into it just enough that we want to see what’s inside, and then bam. Freeze-frame, narration.

The time for this would have been about five minutes earlier. Seriously, this ‘action opening’, obviously patterned after things like James Bond, goes on for five minutes at least in which we don’t really know what’s happening or who any of these characters are.  If we had just one to focus on that might help, but we’re watching six or seven of them run around doing different things and we don’t even know what their plan is so we can’t tell if it’s going right or wrong.  The whole sequence should have been either massively cut down to just enough to tell us action is happening before it goes into the flashback, or just moved in its entirety to its proper place later in the narrative.

Then when we finally do start meeting the characters, the first one we meet is not the one who began narrating a moment earlier!  It’s the beat-up kid’s sister, the one who so-far looked like she was in charge. Finding out she’s secondary in the whole plot is a bit of whiplash, and as far as I can tell the main purpose of the Vegas sequence (besides showing us her midriff) is to give a cameo to Arthur Godfrey as himself.

From there the rest of the characters are introduced and we finally find out who the hell they all are and what they bring to the table.  April, the teacher, is the mastermind. Michelle, the singer, is the backer. Terry, the stuntwoman, is their engineer.  Keiko, the karate teacher, is the hand-to-hand fighter.  Maria, the model, is a distraction.  Elaine, the cop, is the tactician.  And Trish, the student, is… uh… somebody wanted a kid in this movie. The point is, if you go back and watch the opening sequence after the bit where everybody’s introduced, it’s much more involving and makes infinitely more sense!  They could have had five minutes of action, but they gave us five minutes of boredom just by putting it in the wrong spot!

After some of the movies I’ve see, incidentally, it is a point very much to this movie’s credit that I remember everybody’s names.  Well done, Angels Revenge!

That does not, however, outweigh the many other things the movie does badly.  The actresses are mere eye candy, hired for their looks and not for their talent.  They stand around in ‘sexy’ poses without bras on, and recite their lines like they’re in an eighth-grade play.  Even so, they’re better than the men, who are just as bad at acting but aren’t distractingly nice to look at.  The best actor in the entire movie is Alan Hale Jr and he’s only got about three lines.

Then there are the bits where the movie tries to be funny.  The Neo-Nazis are supposed to be funny, which I’m honestly okay with – Hitler hated being made fun of and so it’s the responsibility of all right-thinking citizens to mock him and his movement whenever possible.  But they aren’t funny, just a bunch of fat clumsy guys with Hitler mustaches.  I don’t know how people who make movies fail to understand that in order to be funny, characters have to do funny things.  Both the Neo-Nazis and other ‘comic’ male characters in the movie are presented simply as ‘lol, men are oafs, right girls?’ without any attempt at an actual punchline.

Another running gag is April, who insists she’s a Very Organized Person, and her over-full purse.  That’s not really funny, but I can’t argue with it.  Two years ago I bought a bag big enough to hold my knitting and I haven’t seen the bottom of it since.  Someday I’ll be rooting around for something, fall in, and end up in Narnia.

The sequence in which they rob the Nazis does provide some action and acts as a trial run to show us the women can work together successfully.  But we already saw that in the out-of-place opening sequence, so it’s not really establishing anything we didn’t already know.  The fact that we’ve also seen what comes after also tells us that they will succeed at this mission with nobody getting hurt (not that these idiots they’re robbing are in any way a threat), and sucks all the suspense out.  Man, the longer I think about it, the more ways in which that opening makes the movie worse!  Whose idea was that anyway?

The characters are stereotypes, boring at best and deeply offensive at worst. The black woman is six feet tall and works on vehicles, because black women are butch!  The Asian girl knows martial arts and uses a katana, because she’s Asian (and although she’s said to be from Vietnam, she has a Japanese name… it’s possible to come up with a backstory for her that incorporates this, but that’s not my job as an audience member)!  The white women are bitches and bimbos, more distinguishable by their hair than by their personalities.  April is presented as ‘the mousy one’ simply by not wearing lipstick on a heist.

I guess by having tough women and weak men, the writers thought they were being feminist, or at least appealing to feminists, but that’s not how feminism works on any level.  Strength and intelligence isn’t pizza – you getting an extra slice doesn’t mean I don’t get one.  Portraying the male antagonists as buffoons is actually deeply misogynistic, because it suggest that women can’t even play unless the men are idiots.  The point of feminism is that women are people just as much as men are, and deserve to be treated as such – by other women, by men, and by screenwriters.

Let me illustrate with an example from the opposite extreme: Elinor and Marianne Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility are sisters who each need to get married for the sake of their financial security. That might seem a very sexist premise for a story – and it is, but only because it takes place in a sexist culture. Elinor and Marianne have distinct personalities and different ideas of what makes a happy marriage, and they make decisions as individuals, not simply because they are ‘women’.  Each makes her own mistakes and learns her own life lessons, and the narrative explores what society has taught them to expect out of life versus the less romantic reality.  They are two human beings.  The characters in Angels Revenge, by contrast, are a bunch of pretty props.

It would have been so easy to make something actually enjoyable out of Angels Revenge.  As I noted above, it uses a successful formula and it really could have been a fun little piece of exploitation cinema.  Every decision made along the way, however, seems designed to sabotage it.  It’s badly-written, lifeless, cliched, racist, and based on a fundamental misunderstanding of feminism.  They hired women with no acting experience to play the main characters, and can’t decide which of those characters is our heroine. And of course, they edited it together in the wrong order, confusing and boring us and undermining what should have been important and suspenseful scenes.  This sort of thing just leaves me frustrated and annoyed.  You’re making a movie, people!  Could you not put a little fucking effort in?!

Wigging Out.

Australian director Shannon Murphy on her artful debut, the screaming intensity of Australia’s bird-life, and the genius of Jim Henson.

Like a rush of blood to the head, Shannon Murphy’s Babyteeth is a coming-of-age film that takes hold of your heart and refuses to let go. The Australian filmmaker makes her directorial debut here, from a script by Rita Kalnejais (based on her own play of the same name). It’s at once familiar and unbelievably fresh: loveable, immediately recognizable characters in situations so conflicting, painful and euphoric that it’s very hard for your heart to not break when theirs do.

We follow Milla (Eliza Scanlen, Little Women), a fifteen-year-old who is navigating her first love. The object of her affection is Moses (Toby Wallace), a low-level drug dealer and sofa-surfing addict, who is a few years older. Milla has cancer, which makes her adoration of Moses seem all the more threatening to her parents, the type of passionate-yet-complicated couple that Australian films excel at depicting. The parents are played by Essie Davis (The Babadook, The True History of the Kelly Gang, Miss Fisher) and Ben Mendelsohn (Captain Marvel, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, the lovely Aussie comedy Cosi). There’s also a pregnant neighbor (Emily Barclay) with a wayward dog, a lot of pill-popping, many wigs, and the intertwining of love, fear and stress that comes with a family illness.

With a background in theater and television directing in Australia, Murphy’s eye is so strong that she was flown to London to direct episodes of Killing Eve off the back of Babyteeth’s 2019 Venice International Film Festival premiere. (She was one of two women, alongside Haifaa al-Mansour with The Perfect Candidate, to be selected in Competition at Venice—the film went on to London, AFI Fest, Rotterdam and others).

Babyteeth has captured the minds of countless viewers, entranced by the singular world being offered. Writing on Letterboxd, Isaac Feldberg calls the film “deliriously, jaggedly alive, so full of broken and beautiful people struggling not to break each other in the midst of their own existential crumblings”. This sense of all-or-nothing was also felt by Emre Eminoglu, who points to the way “it whispers to your eyes and touches your heart with words that it puts on screen”. And Savina Petkova remembers its first screening and has just one request: “Please let me live in the alternative universe where this won Golden Lion instead of [Joker] please.”

Chatting about devastation, drugs and the punk ambitions of fashion when you’re a teenage girl, Shannon Murphy speaks to our London correspondent Ella Kemp.

How did you first come across Rita’s play? Shannon Murphy: I didn’t actually see the play, which is crazy because my theater career started in the theater that it was on at, but I missed it somehow. When I came on to Babyteeth, the screenplay was already ready to go. I went back and read the play just before we started pre-production, and the thing I really loved in the play—not actually in the production but on the page—was the title chapters, and the through line of these whispers written in, of what the dead said to Milla.

What did you feel when you first read Milla’s story? I was really distraught at the end, but not for the reasons you might think. It was more because I couldn’t handle the idea that I couldn’t spend any more time with these characters. It just devastated me that my time with them was over, like with a really amazing novel, you just don’t want your connection with them to end. I thought that was a really great sign. I’d been looking for a first feature for some time, but I knew it had to truly represent my tone, and the kind of artist I wanted to show the world I was. It’s a really difficult thing to do when you’re not a writer yourself.

I felt so distraught when the film ended, and it does just give you the urge to rewatch immediately—it makes you wish it was longer. That’s so great to hear, I’ve had a few people say that they rewatched it more than once and it’s so exciting to me. That is the aim, that you make something that is worth watching again, because you know you’ll get even more out of it the more you watch it—it’s somehow gotten into your bones.

Shannon Murphy with Ben Mendelsohn on the set of ‘Babyteeth’.

One of your actors, Ben Mendelsohn, said Babyteeth is both “delightfully bent” and “beautifully Australian”. What do these terms mean to you? The offset humor is what I’d say he’s talking about, and also the idea to really push through the pain. Australians are really great at saying, “You’ll be alright, chin up.” There’s quite an optimism in our culture. In many ways I really focused on the sound design being really Australian. We shot in February, which is summer, so it was really hot, the cicadas were going crazy, and the birds—our birds sound like people screaming, they’re really intense. It brought such an Australian essence to it.

Could you recommend any Australian filmmakers or specific titles for Letterboxd members? Shirley Barrett’s Love Serenade is amazing. The Last Days of Chez Nous by Gillian Armstrong. And of course Sweetie by Jane Campion is a brilliant piece. I also love Samson and Delilah by Warwick Thornton. [See Shannon’s other Australian film recommendations.]

Moses is such an untraditional love interest, yet so charming. How did you build that character from Rita’s writing, and work with Toby to bring such a physicality to life? It was so important to me with all the characters that you didn’t judge them, despite the behaviors they’re showing because they’re under stress. With Moses it was really important that it wasn’t just about the drug abuse, that it was really about understanding the behavior behind that and why that’s happening. We worked closely with a friend of mine who is a drug and alcohol specialist, and he was always saying, “Don’t talk about the drugs, it’s not what is actually behind this.” We did detail his poly-substance abuse and what he was taking, so that at least Toby and I knew as we were charting the journey.

Toby, in his audition, was just so generous to all the other Millas in the room. Not once was he really thinking about himself, although the stakes were really high and I knew he really wanted the role. I love that, because to me Moses is a really generous person to Milla. I knew I’d have to transform him physically quite a lot, because he’s a very good-looking guy, and we also wanted to break Moses down a lot. With his skin we did that, with his tattoos, and each of his tattoos has a lot of meaning for Moses. Toby and our make-up artist Angela Conti crafted that together. And he’s a very physical performer, very in his body. Who else can pull off shorts like that, quite frankly? I just loved that about him. He’s fearless.

“Who else can pull off shorts like that?”—Toby Wallace with Eliza Scanlan in a scene from ‘Babyteeth’.

Toby gives such an amazing performance. I hadn’t seen him in anything before but a friend said she’d seen him in a Netflix show recently in which he was so despicable, whereas he’s totally transformed here. He’s really my kind of actor because you can throw anything at him and he’s up for it. He’s got an incredible range. And the same with Eliza, they can shapeshift so easily. They’re two very intelligent people, they’re able to get out of their heads and into their bodies quite easily.

I have to ask more about Eliza. How did you create Milla with her, physically, specifically in terms of her clothes, her style—I have the image of the blue wig in my mind. How did aesthetics feed into Milla’s psychology? You know what’s so funny? Everyone calls it the blue wig, but it’s totally green. I don’t know what happened in the [color] grade there, but everyone calls it the blue wig. Even Eliza in an interview the other day said the blue wig, and it was totally green! Anyway, hilarious. Everyone is calling it the blue wig so we can stick with that.

At that age, you are constantly reinventing yourself. Particularly when you meet someone you’re falling in love with, you’re like, who am I going to be to this person? Because this person is also changing who I am and how I see the world. And also she’s completely being a punk, and she’s pushing against her parents, pushing against the world. With her outfits, we spent a lot of time talking about that with my amazing costume designer Amelia Gebler. She’s so bold. We were like, at that age, you just don’t give a shit. You’re trying out different things. Also, the new generation is experimenting with fashion in a way that I think is really impressive. So we wanted to make sure that it felt timeless, and so we did the big pattern clashes for the night out, and also she’s wearing that great unicorn T-shirt, it’s so childlike, but also a bit punk-y when she’s in her home. But then she transitions from the more feminine, girly colors to lilac, which is Moses’ color for the night out. We loved the idea of them both being in the same color for that night.

And then the different wigs, we called the blonde one the Amy Winehouse wig. We would call it “wig-gate” on set, because you always had to make sure you had the right wig on during the transformations. We talked about how initially she has that cancer wig, which is the long blonde one, which is a real cancer wig from a company that makes them specifically for that. Then we moved to Amy Winehouse for the night out, and then we’d go to the blue wig. It always felt like we were doing it at points when she was really shifting emotionally, and playing different versions of herself in many ways.

What was the first film that made you want to be a filmmaker? Is it okay if it’s not a film? I was quite obsessed with Jim Henson’s television series The Storyteller. It was such a dark fable that I watched at such a young age. I remember John Hurt being the narrator, I would just get so sucked into these stories. Even still today I can remember so many of them so vividly. They were really creative. Jim Henson was someone who was so out of the box, really pushing our imagination in ways that have stayed with so many of us.

Related content

Shannon Murphy’s Favorite Australian Films

Jacob’s list of Australian Films Worth Your Time

Movie Maestro’s Teenage Wasteland: A Comprehensive List of Coming-of-Age Films

Dana Danger’s Directed by Women list

The Peaky Designer - Cillian Fanfic, Chapter 16

Hello, welcome back. Below is the next instalment of my fanfiction!

Leave a like or a comment if you liked it, or if I can do anything better! Please, it would mean the world and to understand if anyone is enjoying my writing. Also, sharing/reblogging would be even better.

PLEASE READ:

I will not be including Cillian’s family as it’s kinda weird since he has children lmao. Just a mention of his parents and a previous lover.

I will indicate in a chapter if there is smut in the beginning and before the actual scene!!

I will add trigger warnings if there is any!!

There is a variety of levels of swearing during a chapter, I will not hold back, everyone swears.

The timestamp for the Fic is now 2016 and onwards!!

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Background: Gabrijela Babic is a Croatian girl from Sydney, Australia. She is born in the year 1991 on the 24th of December. She studies a Fashion degree in a University with a major in Game Design as well. Her teacher in the fashion designer class managed to nail an Internship on the set of Peaky Blinders with the shows very own Costume Designer, Allison McCosh. There, she travels to London for under a year to learn how to be one, working alongside the actors as well the man she admires, Cillian Murphy. But, her platonic feelings for the man begins to grow into something more, and she wonders whether she should pursue them or let him go for fear of her strict parents and her three older brothers…

Characters:

Swantje Paulina as Gabrijela Babic (swalina on Instagram)

Cillian Murphy

Word Count: 3,497

!!Warnings!!: Major sex scene at the end. 

Date: January 2017

Chapter Name: One Last Time

Brief Chapter Outline: Cillian and Gabrijela spend their last day together doing whatever they can before they end it with some heated passion...

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Cillian's brother dropped them at the airport before he bid farewell to them both. It was another early morning start but they had to get home as early as possible so Gabrijela could start packing and figuring out what to send via post. They checked in, wandered around the airport for a bit and ate before they headed through to the boarding gate. As they sat and waited, Cillian had his arm around her shoulder, his cheek against her head that rested on his shoulder. 

She scrolled through her Instagram, she remembered he had caught her on her fandom account and she was red-faced when she showed him what she posted. It was a multifandom account, and she posted various textposts, fan art and the like of her favourite books or TV Shows. "Still makes me chuckle you posted such old photos of me with those funny captions or whatever you'd call them." Cillian murmured. She rolled her eyes, "Shut up. I was and still am a dedicated fan!" "Well, now you are more than a fan to me." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Mhm." She tilted her head back and kissed him softly before she resumed her scrolling. But before she was going to tuck her phone away she came across a photo in the explore section of the app. "Oh, good god." She whispered in shock, "Cilly look." She showed him a photo of them both. It was more distanced but blurry so you couldn't make it out who she was really. It was when they were waiting at the airport coming to Cork. "Who took it?" He looked at it, frowning. He knew she wouldn't post anything of their relationship online, they had a talk about it and she was super respectful about it. "No idea. Just says someone had taken it. Maybe it's from Twitter." She felt worry ease into her. She hoped there weren't other sneaky photos of her and Cillian online. She never really said she was going overseas to her online fanbase either, just to her close friends back at home and the ones she made at Uni. "I'm sorry." He said as he ran his hand up and down her arm. "What for?" She looked up at him, confused as to why he would apologise. "For that." He gestured to the photo, "I should have been more thoughtful of those things." He began to let her go. "Cillian, no. Hey," she took his hands as she faced him, "I knew that something like this would happen on the end. I don't want it to ruin what we have." She didn't want him holding back on her when they were out in public. "I don't want you to be plastered all over the internet, either." He squeezed her hands. "I mean, my face is already on the internet. My accounts are not private." She shrugged. "I'll take a look on Twitter but... It doesn't bother me much. Unless you don't want the word going out about you being with someone." "I don't really like the idea of people being too into someone else's life. I'm just concerned about how it would be interpreted by everyone." He said. "Mm. I agree. They can be quite cruel. I've seen how people can react to their idols being with someone else... But again, Cillian, I don't want to like... Not be romantic when we are out in public. I want us to be just us, holding hands and all that. I couldn't care less what online haters would think about." She cupped his jaw. "Are you sure?" He asked. "I am. I can handle it. Besides, if there is an issue, who cares hm? They don't know us." She kissed him lightly. "If you say so." He said as his arm went back around her and they resumed their position. He would still be worried either way.   It was time to board and they detached themselves from each other and picked up their bags. They lined up with the other people, holding hands. She would not let the online images hurt them. When it came to showing affection, she didn't want to hide it. "Um, excuse me," Someone tapped Gab on her shoulder. She turned to see three girls looking at them keenly, "Are you dating Cillian?" She asked, eyes darting to their held hands and to Cillian who also turned to see them. They seemed quite surprised at the sight of Gabrijela, she could see it in their eyes. Cillian had replied instead, "We are. Why do you ask?" "There are rumours online, uh, photos popping up. The fans are uh, going crazy about it. Kinda a big deal, cause no one um... well expected..." She trailed off when Gab and Cillian turned away to get through the gates. Gabrijela gave Cillian a little giggle as they stepped through and headed down the hallway. "Seems like more photos." He said, frowning deeply. "It's fine Cillian, don't stress." She squeezed his hand. They got into the plane and took their seats, this time he was beside the window. The whole ordeal started up again but Cillian comforted her, and she settled faster with his gentle and caring words. She cuddled him throughout the trip, the turbulence was pretty bad as they went through a storm. He wrapped his jacket around her shoulders and made the scarf that she stole from him as a pillow on his shoulder. But after an hour and a half or so, they landed safely and got off the plane. The girls that spoke to them before seemed to follow them. "We got a bit of a party following us," Gabrijela said to Cillian as they headed towards the many taxis that waited. He glanced over his shoulder and chuckled, "It seems so." He hailed down a taxi and got their stuff into the boot before he held open the door for her. "Tough they won't see much anymore." She laughed and got into the car and he got in after her. It was nice to be back home now, they headed upstairs and she laid on his bed, "Ooooo," She groaned, "Cillys bed... So good." She giggled as he crawled up over her, laying down on her but not enough to crush her. He kissed her neck, "You miss it?" He asked. She giggled, "Yeah I did." She turned so she was now looking up at him. She leaned up and kissed him, "We gotta keep moving though. I have to go back to the apartment to pack up the remaining things there and clean up." He nodded and got off her. They had a quick bite before they headed over to her apartment. They packed up whatever she had left behind into his car before they cleaned up the place. She threw out most of the old food that was left behind. The apartment was just like how she came to it. She had taken off the sheets to and left them as a neat pile. She left a wonderful card and a wine behind for the owner of the apartment before she finally said goodbye to the place. Heading back to Cillian's home, she spent it packing up her stuff. But she kept most of her souvenirs in her suitcase all wrapped up in clothing. She didn't want to send it via parcel. She had packed the majority, leaving out her new set of clothing for tomorrow. Every other bits and piece was easy to just shove into her carry-on. Cillian came up the stairs to see how she was going, "Damn you are quick," He said. "Yeah. Just need a scale to weigh the bag." She said. "Got it." He went to the wardrobe and pulled out the scale. They weighed and she had some more room to add a few more clothing in. Now she had two small piles of clothing to send off. "Let's head to the post office now." She said and they headed off. They did what they had to do, and she made sure she was to pay for the fees of the parcel. Since it was a nice day, Cillian decided to take her out to St. James' park to have brunch. He had a blanket in the back and they headed in a nicer part of the park, a little secluded. They set up and Cillian went to a nearby cafe he liked to buy them food. In the meantime, Gabrijela spoke to her dad on the phone and listened to him ask if she had everything packed and whatnot. He would call her in the morning before she would leave as well. She laid back on the blanket, a hand over her tummy. She listened to the hum of the city and the voices of people around her. Cillian returned with a bag, "I'm back. Bit of a hold-up but I'm here." He grinned as he sat down beside her. She sat up, "Thanks babe," She smiled and helped him take the stuff out. "Whatcha get?" "I got us both eggs and bacon, I got you hot chocolate as well. I also got capers for myself." He said. "Thank you," She leaned over and kissed him deeply. "Love you." "Love you too," He said and pecked at her lips before they both dug into their food. They finished up and Cillian disposed of their rubbish before he came back and they laid back together. She snuggled close to his chest, his arm around her shoulders. "I'm gonna miss this," She said, stroking his chest. "Same." He played with her hair, running his fingers through it. "You gonna miss me?" She looked up at him. "Of course I will. So much." He cupped her face. "I will make sure we can talk as much as possible, video and all." She said, leaning up to kiss him. "Sounds good." He murmured, kissing her back. They held each other for a bit like that, totally in their own world as they kissed slowly. They finally broke apart and packed up before he went back to the car to leave the blanket and came back to her. They took a walk around the park and Cillian listened to her talk about how she was going to dread going back in for the last year of her University course. "I've been doing good in my game design as well, so I might see if I can get into that." She said. "Not costume designing?" Cillian asked. "Dunno, I enjoyed it but... I was quite stressed. I don't like the feeling." She laughed softly. "But I'll see." They came back to the car and headed home. When she stepped through the door, Cillian closed it and then pulled her against him. She gasped, "What are you doing?" She laughed as he began to pepper her neck with kisses. "Kissing you." He said, his hands resting on her hips before they snaked up to cup her breasts. "I think you want more than kisses, babe." She moaned softly as he gripped them tightly. She was pushed up against a wall, "Cilly." He kept fondling her breasts, then began to unbutton her blouse and discarded it aside. She smirked and pushed her ass against his crotch, then began to grind against him. "Mmm babe, you like that huh?" She purred. His hands returned to her hips, "I do. Keep doing that love." He watched how she moved against him, his hands now moved back up her sides before he turned her around and kissed her deeply, his fingers tangling in her hair. She moaned as she gripped his shirt, lifting it up before she pulled it over his head. "I want... I want you to use something on me." She blushed, running her hands down his soft skin along his arms. "Yeah? What is it?" He kissed her again. "It's in the bedroom. Let's go there." She took his hand as he picked up their shirts and headed upstairs. She opened up her suitcase and pulled out a black bag. Then she held out an eight-inch long vibrator that was a sparkly purple. "I'm going to be honest, I've never seen them in person." Cillian laughed as he came over, taking it from her. "No?" She raised a brow, "Then where did you see it? In porn?" She brushed past him and laid on the bed, smirking. "Maybe." He chuckled and turned to her, "So you want me to tease you with this?" He turned it on. "Yeah." She nodded, parting her legs despite still got her pants on. He brought it to her crotch, and held it against her and watched how she let out a moan. "Mmm, let's take off these pants first." He said as he waited for her to take her jeans off and throw it aside. He got on the bed, kneeling between her legs as he returned the vibe to her core. She sucked in a breath, gripping the sheets. He had it on a low setting, stroking her up and down through her panties. "Ah..." She laid back, eyes closed as she enjoyed the feeling. "Cilly..." "We should turn it up now, don't want you to enjoy this too much." He said and turned it even higher. She gasped, bringing her legs up. "No, keep them down." He pinned them between his thigh and calves. She whined. Cillian continued to tease her, letting the tip roll over her clit which caused her back to arch then he dragged it back down and then inserted the toy into her. He pushed her leg open with one hand, eyes flicking from her core to her face. "God, Gabrijela." He loved the pleasure on her face, the need and desperation in her eyes. "Cillian! Please! I'm close!" She whined, twisting the sheets in her hands. "Not yet, love. Hold on for me." He said and pushed the toy in and out of her. He let go of her legs and leaned down, and wrapped his lips around her clit and began to suck hard. Her hands shot into his hair, the vibrations of the toy was intense and he kept pushing it against her g-spot. "Fuck! Cillian! Cilly!" She bucked her hips, her screams loud as she came, arching right off the bed. He kept going till she was done, groaning softly as he pulled the toy out, seeing how slick it was with her climax. "Fastest climax ever." He chuckled, kissing up her thigh to sit back. She panted, "I need you in me, Cillian. Oh god." She shook her head. "Mm, but you asked me to use this on you. So I will." He mused, "Lay on your side." She moved to her side as he got behind her, an arm went under her head and locked around her chest. He brought the vibrator back to her clit and began to tease her once more. "N-Not right after a climax! Fuck!" She stayed still for him, she wanted to be good for him. But she couldn't help but buck her hips. "Be still, love. Don't move too much." He kissed her neck, sucking on a spot. She whimpered, clinging to his arms that were around her, god he was relentless as he continued to prod and poke her sensitive clit. But then he decided to push it into her and she arched her back a little. "Cillian!" He claimed her lips once more and kissed her as he thrust the vibrator inside her, she was super slick so it moved in and out swiftly but he could feel when she clenched her walls the vibe got stuck. Gabrijela reached up and dragged her fingers through her hair, "I need you, Cillian, I want you inside me. Please." She begged, rolling her hips. "Yeah? How bad?" He tugged on her bottom lip. "Really bad, Cilly. Please don't make me wait." She could feel his hard cock press against her ass through his jeans. He let out a grunt and got her to hold the vibrator inside her as he pulled off his pants. Then he was back up against her, and removed the vibrator, "Tuck me in, love." He nibbled on her earlobe. She reached between her legs and found his waiting cock, "So hard, baby." She giggled and positioned him to her entrance. Then she tugged him and he was inside her in one swift movement. They both moaned in unison, "Hold your leg up, Gab." He kissed her neck then to her shoulder. She lifted her leg up and he placed the vibrator back on to her clit. She cried out softly, and he felt her walls tighten around him. "Mmm fuck, Gabrijela. Do that again." She nodded and clenched her walls, she could feel every hard inch of him, especially when he started to move. "Shit." She gasped. He kept his eyes focused on her face, enjoying how tight she was and how he managed to drag those cute little sounds from her. He thought about how lucky he was to have her as his girlfriend. He had wished for someone to come into his life and here she was. Here they were, making love. He loved her, truly, he loved her. He could not bring himself to think of any other woman but her. And his heart would hurt when she was no longer warming his bed. Gabrijela looked up, seeing the pure love and devotion in his eyes. "Cillian, I love you." She said through a moan, "I love you so much! Oh!" She could feel her climax start to build again, and this one was gonna be a big one. "I love you too, beautiful. Oh fuck, I love you!" He kissed her hard, pounding hard into her, the bed shaking a little. He will miss her. So he threw aside the vibrator, turning it off and laid her on her back and pushed right back into her with a groan. Her legs locked around his thighs and her arms around his back, her nails digging into his skin. "Fuck! Mark me Gabrijela, fuck." He cursed and kissed her again as her nails scraped down his skin. He moved fast and wild, all he wanted was to please her. Make sure she would feel this for days when she would return back to her home. "Mine!" He cried out, "You're mine, Gabbie." "All yours baby. I'm all yours." She cupped his face and kissed him passionately but it was messy as from his fast thrusting. "I'm gonna cum, Cilly. Oh god, don't stop. Oh please!" Cillian worked hard, panting hard, his moans loud and cracked occasionally before they got faster and faster before his climax tore through him like wildfire. She screamed out his name as she came with him, she felt his warm load fill her inside up as she clenched and locked him in as she finished with him. After some moments they calmed down, but he stayed on top of her and inside her. His head was tucked into her neck and kissing her flushed skin. She ran her hands up and down his back slowly, admiring the curves of his spine and the divots of his muscles in his shoulders. "My handsome man," She whispered, her fingers returning to the nape of his neck and playing with the soft curls of his hair. He let out a soft chuckle, "My beautiful woman." He said as he raised his head to look at her. "My love." He touched her cheek, stroking her skin with a thumb. "I love you with all my heart, Cillian." She said, leaning into the touch. He gave her that breathtaking smile and they kissed for some time, and when they managed to get their breath back they got back into lovemaking. It was slow and gentle, then hard and fast with many different positions. Any position that had her against his body. After they have worn each other out, they bathed and then spent the rest of the afternoon together in his home. He pulled out his guitar and sang for her, then made her the best dinner ever, watched a cute romantic film before they drank red wine in front of the fire. They never parted from each other, every minute they wanted to be close. And despite being worn out, they made love one more time in front of the fire. She rode him till he came twice in her before he lifted her up and carried her to bed. He laid her down and they cuddled naked, she faced him and snuggled into his chest. Today was a wonderful day, and she would remember it forever. "I love you," She said in the dark. "I love you too," Cillian replied, kissing her head before they both fell asleep holding each other.

My 2019 Writing Roundup

Not to get too New Age-y, but 2019 felt like a very ~transformative~ year for me. I turned 30, got a literary agent, and became a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association. After feeling like I’d hit a plateau in my late 20s, it was nice to experience a sense of forward momentum again, even if the lack of financial stability in this career is a constant background stress. Still, on the whole my sixth year as a full-time freelancer felt like a time where I kinda, sorta figured out what I’m doing. Instead of struggling in murky waters, I’m at least actively swimming in them.

I continued to write for The A.V. Club, The Spool, and Consequence of Sound, plus took on new outlets in The Verge and Polygon. I also had an article about romantic comedies published in Southwest Airline’s in-flight magazine and was asked to talk about Hallmark Channel Christmas rom-coms on Canadian radio. Speaking of rom-coms, 2019 was the second year (and first full-year) for When Romance Met Comedy, and I feel like the column really came into its own this year. It’s by far the biggest undertaking of my career (I’ve covered 47 films in total so far!), and I’m really excited to continue shaping its voice in 2020.

Beyond finding a regular fitness routine and seeing Cats onstage for the first time, the biggest personal project I undertook in 2019 was immersing myself in the world of film and film criticism—something I started in mid-2018 and really amped up this year. My goal was to watch 300 new-to-me movies this year, and I wound up watching 355! (Including 129 new releases.) Regular access to CFCA screenings and screeners allowed me to be a bigger part of the film critic conversation than I’ve been in the past, which was exciting. I also tackled a bunch of blindspots from the past decade and put together a list of my 50 favorite films of the 2010s, which you can see right here:

Over on the TV side of things, I bid farewell to the Netflix Defenders universe with binge-review coverage of the final seasons of The Punisher and Jessica Jones. Those Marvel binge-reviews were a big part of my early career, so seeing that universe come to a close was bittersweet. It’s always nerve-wracking when a semi-regular assignment ends, but I’m hopeful that new projects will pop up to take its place.

Putting together this year-end retrospective also made me realize I was on a lot of podcasts in 2019, including jumping in as a regular guest on the Cinematic Universe podcast in the latter half of the year. Podcasting is something I really enjoy (I find talking so much easier than writing!), and I’d love to do more of it in the future.

With that, I’ll leave you with wishes for a Happy New Year and a roundup of all the major writing I did in 2019. If you enjoyed my work this year, it would mean a lot if you would support me on either Kofi or PayPal. Or just share some of your favorite pieces with your friends!

My 15 favorite TV shows of 2019

My 15 favorite films of 2019

Op-eds and Features

“Rom-Com Revival” for Southwest The Magazine

Avengers: Endgame doesn’t earn its big “girl power” moment

An MCU breakup could be a terrific step forward for Spider-Man

“What is a weekend?”: A catch-up guide to Downton Abbey’s cast and characters

Nope, seeing Cats the musical will not help you understand Cats the movie

Let’s talk about the ending of Greta Gerwig’s Little Women

TV Coverage

Doctor Who’s 2019 New Year’s Special

The Punisher S2

Jessica Jones S3

The Crown S3

This Is Us S3 and S4

Supergirl S4 and S5

Rent: Live

Jane The Virgin fill-in

The Tony Awards

The Little Mermaid Live! 

When Romance Met Comedy

27 Dresses doesn’t deserve your hate and neither does Katherine Heigl

Bride & Prejudice weaves an impressive cultural critique into a Bollywood-inspired Jane Austen update

How does the original What Women Want hold up two decades later?

In 1990, Pretty Woman changed romantic comedies forever

For one brief, wonderful moment, Eddie Murphy reinvented himself as a romantic-comedy star

20 years later, 10 Things I Hate About You remains a model for how to do the teen rom-com right

Lloyd Dobler is Cameron Crowe’s original manic pixie dream date

We're just not that into He’s Just Not That Into You

Romance is the weakest aspect of one of the most celebrated rom-coms of the ’90s

To All The Boys and Netflix reminded the world why it’s smitten with rom-coms

Imagine Me & You gives a lesbian love story the classic rom-com treatment

Queer resilience thrives in this rom-com about love in the time of the AIDS crisis

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is bubbly and smart, just like Marilyn Monroe

The Best Man capped off one decade of black rom-coms and inspired another

Nicolas Cage romanced Cher in one of the weirdest rom-coms ever made

After a decade of discourse, (500) Days Of Summer is basically the Fight Club of rom-coms

It’s No Strings Attached versus Friends With Benefits in a rom-com showdown

Adam Sandler’s sweetness makes The Wedding Singer a rom-com worth growing old with

The Philadelphia Story delivered one of the most star-studded love triangles ever

13 Going On 30 made Jennifer Garner a rom-com star—and gave tween girls a sleepover staple

Celebrate Halloween with Warm Bodies, the film that tried to make zom-rom-coms a thing

In the 2010s, rom-coms went indie and saved themselves in the process

Sandra Bullock became a rom-com star with a cozy love story about crushing loneliness

With just two storylines, The Holiday paid tribute to the entire rom-com genre

The A.V. Club

The maudlin Five Feet Apart anoints a new pair of winning young stars

After thinks it’s beautiful, that’s what makes it tiresome

Teen Spirit has plenty of it

Ramy is a Muslim millennial comedy with impressively big questions on its mind

Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson’s new comedy The Hustle pulls an inelegant con

The Sun Is Also A Star turns a compelling premise into a lackluster teen romance

The Art Of Racing In The Rain is a doggone mess

You don’t need to love Springsteen to like the thoughtful crowd-pleaser Blinded By The Light

The well-meaning Brittany Runs A Marathon can’t quite go the distance

Renée Zellweger zings in a Judy Garland biopic that clangs

The Downton Abbey movie is as pleasant as a cozy cup of tea

Tall Girl’s familiar teen love story fails to reach new heights

The new Lady And The Tramp feels like a ’90s update of a ’50s classic

The Verge/Polygon

Tigers Are Not Afraid puts a Pan’s Labyrinth spin on a poignant Mexican drug war story

The gloriously surreal space epic Ad Astra is half a great movie

An AI affair fuels a midlife crisis in the eerie science fiction drama Auggie

The painfully generic new animated Addams Family deserves no snaps

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil is boldly bonkers

Netflix’s apocalyptic teen comedy Daybreak is an exhausting sugar rush

The Current War is basically Amadeus for electricity

Is Playmobil: The Movie just a reskinned Lego Movie?

The Spool

The LEGO Movie 2: Everything is About Half as Awesome

Isn’t It Romantic: An Instant Postmodern Rom-Com Classic

The Aftermath: Sumptuous but Surface-Level Melodrama

Late Night: A Sparkling Comedy With a Lot On Its Mind

Plus One: An Indie Millennial When Harry Met Sally

The Farewell is A Poignantly Funny Goodbye

Where’d You Go, Bernadette: A whimsical mid-life crisis

After the Wedding: A grown-up drama that doesn’t trust its own story

Falling Inn Love: Love, New Zealand Style

Paradise Hills: Harajuku Gossip Girls

Consequence of Sound

Brexit Takes An Engaging But Ultimately Shallow Look At the 2016 Vote

What Men Want Flips the Script and Finds Mixed Results

Dumbo Delights Without Ever Fully Taking Flight

Someone Great Continues Netflix’s Romantic Comedy Revival

Aladdin Has the Animated Classic’s Songs, But Less of Its Personality

MindMeet Interviews

Nadine Hack and Global Citizens Circle: Creating Connectedness

Podcast Appearances

Filmography: When Harry Met Sally

Filmography: Tim Burton’s mature films (Ed Wood, Sweeney Todd, Big Fish, Big Eyes)

Debating Doctor Who MCU Edition: Avengers: Endgame

Cinematic Universe: Alita: Battle Angel

Hall of Faces: Friends

Cinematic Universe: Joker

Hall of Faces: The West Wing

CBC Radio: Hallmark Christmas movies

Cinematic Universe: The Wolverine

Cinematic Universe: Awards Special—The Cuppies 2019 (Part One)

And here are similar year-end wrap-ups I did in 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

Quarantine Movies, Part 3

OLD BOYFRIENDS (1979) dir. Joan Tewkesbury

Not often I watch a movie and feel like “What the fuck is happening?” but I did with this one, written by Paul Schrader and directed by the screenwriter of Nashville. Talia Shire stars as a woman getting back in touch with her old boyfriends. She’s… recovering from a nervous breakdown? Sort of out for revenge? One ex hooks up with her again, and then, once abandoned, hires a private detective to track her down. A little boring at first, and then becomes baffling for most of its middle. John Belushi’s in it, playing a kind of pathetic schlub that feels convincingly like “the real Belushi” to me in the sense of me finding it uncomfortable to watch. I think maybe the film can be understood as a take on feminine psychosis in contrast to the masculine psychosis found in Schrader’s Taxi Driver screenplay. The psychosis here being this lack of self-knowledge that leads to manipulating people ostensibly towards the end of finding love.

KLUTE (1971) dir. Alan Pakula

Feel like I got the impression this movie was a joke from somewhere? Some Murphy Brown reference or something, playing to consensus of losers. (Edit: The joke’s in Wet Hot American Summer, but doesn’t really contain a value judgment about the movie.) It’s not great by any means but it’s not particularly tawdry given the subject matter. It is confusing that the movie is mostly about Jane Fonda’s call girl character, but the movie is named after Donald Sutherland’s character, who’s a detective. Maybe the joke was always just that people thought Jane Fonda played Klute. Movie digs into the sex worker’s psychology in a way that feels contemporary, except contemporary discourse doesn’t really allow for psychological insight, in favor of empty gestures towards representation. Sutherland’s out to solve a mystery, Fonda falls in love with him: I really did think this was smart in depicting a relationship where person was uncomfortable with the act of falling in love as running counter to their techniques of emotional distancing, except, I guess, for the fact that this is depicted in scenes of Fonda talking to her therapist that spell out what’s happening rather than depict this in a more organic way. But that it feels sort of shoehorned in is cool because the movie then largely has this mystery narrative it’s about. It is a little dull and could stand to be shorter, though the musical score does some nice grooves with dissonant elements on top, vaguely Morricone-style, though of course he’s got a deep body of work.

EYES OF LAURA MARS (1978) dir. Irvin Kershner

Criterion’s description of this chracterizes it as an “American giallo,” which seems about right. About a woman (Faye Dunaway) who takes violent/erotic photographs (shot by Helmut Newton) that coexist in both advertising and art gallery contexts. She starts having psychic visions of murder, the police are investigating her because some murders seem modeled after her photos, although that is not the case with any of the murders she has visions of, which then start to involve people she knows. So, like a giallo, there’s a lot happening, an interest in lurid style, and a disinterest in internal consistency as things ratchet up, and the twist ending (that the cop she started dating has multiple personality disorder) falls within that pattern as well. Not as good as the best Italian giallo, (which would I guess be Argento’s TENEBRE) or for that matter, the slasher movie HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, which is an American movie insane enough to exist in the same conversation.

THE GETAWAY (1972) dir. Sam Peckinpah

Steve McQueen gets out of prison and is immediately set up by the prison official, who his girlfriend (Ali MacGraw) slept with, to rob a bank. He gets double-crossed, and then goes on the lam with his girlfriend. While in the past I sometimes feel like I am listing the names of the actors as endorsements, I’m not really doing this with the cast of this movie or Old Boyfriends. Good action sequences and suspenseful moments. Feel like the iconic images in this are McQueen with a shotgun, blowing up cop cars. Peckinpah directs from a Walter Hill screenplay adapting a Jim Thompson novel. This predates Walter Hill directing movies for himself, but it’s interesting how much more flash there is to the action here than there is in The Driver, you can sort of detect certain elements as being Hill’s interest (like the suspense of being pursued) and other stuff being Peckinpah, like the baroque explosions of violence. I like all of it.

KATE PLAYS CHRISTINE (2016) dir. Robert Greene

This isn’t very good. One half adaptation of the Christine Chubbuck story with a documentary about Kate Lyn Sheil. Sheil’s good in other things, this feels like a failed experiment. Weirdly this came out at pretty much exactly the same time as a movie about Chubbuck starring Rebecca Hall? The Rebecca Hall movie’s pretty great, and is an interesting performance, I would be interested in watching a conversation between the two actresses.

BRINGING OUT THE DEAD (1998) dir. Martin Scorses

A rewatch. Nicolas Cage plays an ambulance driver, Scorsese directs from a Paul Schrader screenplay. I like Nicolas Cage a lot, I like the cinematography in this one. I knew I would enjoy this, didn���t remember John Goodman being in it, Mary Beth Hurt is really good in it, mentioned her being good in Light Sleeper too, didn’t realize she’s Paul Schrader’s wife. Insanely hectic energy, shot through with hallucinatory holy light. Patricia Arquette is probably the weakest link in the cast, though it is her different energy that enables her to seem like a potentially redemptive figure for Nicolas Cage.

RAGING BULL (1980) dir. Martin Scorsese

This one’s a classic, but I didn’t like it the first time I saw it, over fifteen years ago, I think on account of being hungry at the time. Still, probably not my favorite Scorsese. The dialogue is interesting, due to De Niro’s character having a high level of aggression and paranoia, where pretty much everything that gets said to him he responds “Why do you say that?” which lends short scenes this circular quality. This reveals his character, in an efficient way, even though it makes the scenes feel insane and somewhat circular.

HOPSCOTCH (1980) dir. Ronald Neame

I liked this one a lot when I saw it years ago, didn’t really know the director’s pedigree came from doing Alec Guiness comedies. I don’t normally rewatch movie but my memories of this were very pleasant in a way suggesting it would be comforting. Walter Matthau plays a spy who is retiring but who gets everyone mad at him, which makes this kind of Prisoner-adjacent. He runs around, being the smartest guy in the room, having fun at being able to outsmart intelligent agencies. All of the globe-trotting of a James Bond kind of thing, but with none of the bloodshed. No one dies in this, uptight people just get mad at Walter Matthau being cool.

NIGHTFALL (1956) dir. Jacques Tourneur

Tourneur directed the original Cat People, which I love, and Out Of The Past, a classic noir I was not fond of when I saw it in college. This one’s good too, adapting a David Goodis novel. I know Goodis from a piece in Jesse Pearson’s magazine Apology, that makes the case he’s the best writer of crime fiction, on a sentence level. The dialogue’s good in this, but there’s also a cool structure: Following different characters, with it being fairly unclear what their relationship is to one another for a while, some flashbacks reveal things. The characters in this are pretty likable, Anne Bancroft is the female lead and the romance is believable. She plays a model, it’sf ascinating to watch movies made by a studio and realize they have the same woman designing gowns for all of them. Like they have the glamour provided in-house because it’s recognized that’s part of what people go to the movies for, but the the films don’t become ads for the designer or anything, like the way Jean Paul Gaultier’s designs function in The Fifth Element or something. Theme song is sung by Al Hibbler, who cut a LP with Roland Kirk.

5 AGAINST THE HOUSE (1955) dir. Phil Karlson

Criterion Channel has a collection of noir films Columbia put out, this is one of them, with a pretty good-sounding premise: Kim Novak is a part of a group of college friends that set out to rob a casino, but one of the group’s PTSD sabotages it. It ends up not really working as a heist film, for a number of reasons, one is that the “perfect crime” they engineer is not that intricate, the other, more important element is the characters are unbearably smug in a way that makes them really hard to deal with. Novak’s good in it, but no one else is: While the men are supposed to be funny, but aren’t, Novak sort of just has to be beautiful. She sings songs in this, and maybe there’s a voice double, but it seems she has a good singing voice. You can probably skip this one.

THE BIG HEAT (1953) dir. Fritz Lang

Not as masterful as the films Lang made in Germany, but still really good. A cop investigating a murder quickly gathers that a conspiracy is afoot, people make mysterious phone calls immediately after he interviews them, he gets his life destroyed, but keeps going. Gloria Grahame (who’s also in Nicholas Ray’s amazing In A Lonely Place) is great as a gangster’s party-girl-who-loves-money girlfriend who has her beauty and then her life taken away from her. There is an element of feeling like you’re seeing cliches be run through their paces, but I don’t mind, given the pacing. It’s mean enough you don’t know how dark it’s going to get. Jocelyn Brando, Marlon’s sister who also appears in Nightfall, gets a nice role in this.

MURDER BY CONTRACT (1958) dir. Irving Lerner

Oh, this one rules! Although I knew none of the people involved in it, everybody’s great. It feels slow as you watch it, it’s deliberately paced and seems to appreciate every scene on its own terms as a point of interest, rather than rushing through a plot. The score seems like it’s very close to just one instrumental piece, being used over and over again. About a dude, (who’s also in Kubrick’s The Killing, it turns out) becoming a professional hitman, and then flying out to California for a bigger job, where he has two people minding him. The hitman’s psychosis is not over the top, he just seems very self-contained, in a way that gets a lot of (almost) comedic mileage out of his interaction with other people

INVENTION FOR DESTRUCTION (1958) dir. Marel Zeman

This movie looks REAL weird and I have no idea how they got the effect? The degree of artificiality is highly distracting, in a way I don’t have a problem with in Guy Maddin or whoever. The whole thing sort of looks like the portraits of people that run in The Wall Street Journal? There are lines on EVERYTHING, like the sets are being made in this patterned way to replace color values. Everything looks artificial, but also collaged together. “Freely adapted” from Jules Verne, this involves boats, explosions, heists, etc. but all done in this sort of deep-focus theatrical staging that seems to combine animation and live action but in a way I can’t work out but also isn’t enveloping or convincing.

MAY FOOLS (1980) dir. Louis Malle.

I like a lot of Louis Malle, this seems vaguely like a deep cut, as I believe it’s unavailable on DVD. It takes place in France during the May ’68 protests, but is about a family getting together for a funeral/reading of a will. It’s suffused with weird free-flowing sexual energy, like everyone’s down to commit incest? Sort of in the name of revolution, but understandable as a movie in terms of being very french, and maybe something of a light comedy. (While Murmur Of The Heart also has incest in it, and is not a comedy, it’s very French.) People flirt with each other a lot, this is a pleasant watch if you are under quarantine and are fantasizing about casual sex or the overthrowing of the political class.

MON ONCLE D’AMERIQUE (1980) dir. Alain Resnais

This, too, is very French. The spine of the movie is Henri Laborit lecturing, lending the film an essayistic aspect, illustrated with footage of lab rats, but also footage of people wearing mouse heads and human clothes, the best parts. The guy’s theories seem agreeable to me but I don’t know what other people think about them. They’re illustrated by the fictional life stories of three characters, whose lives intersect eventually in their adulthood, though the film starts with them as children. Resnais is interesting, I’ve seen very few of his films but they’re all radically unique, though united by this intellectual edge.

FUGITIVE KIND (1960) dir. Sidney Lumet

Lumet also had a long and varied career, but I essentially view him as a highly-skilled journeyman, I guess due to snobbish bias gleaned from secondhand takes. I’ll watch pretty much any of his movies though, and so I watched this Tennessee Williams adaptation. Not sure I’d seen Marlon Brando in anything before, though I thought it was funny to say I possessed “the raw sexuality of a young Marlon Brando” in college. This whole movie is about how hot Brando is, and how all women want to fuck him and how all the men resent him. You would think the heterosexual male default would be to not notice how hot a dude is, but Brando is both physically ripped but with a feminine face that makes me “get it.” There’s a poetry to his sensitivity, but also an element of threat to how basically everyone who gets along with him is at odds with the racist, patriarchal, and parochial attitudes of the small towns he travels through.

MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS (1974) dir. Sidney Lumer

This is an Agatha Christie adaptation, where Hercule Poirot is played by Albert Finney, amongst a large cast of huge stars who are both hamming it up and not really doing anything. After watching two movies with Natasha Richardson, was nice to see her mom Vanessa Redgrave in something, though it’s a small part. The ending, where the detective works out that everyone schemed to commit the murder together and then decides that he will let them all get away with it, is fun, though by and large the “comedy” here feels a bit dated. This kinda feels like something that you would’ve seen already after having caught bits and pieces of it on basic cable growing up.

Tangled: The series Q&A with Chris.

This is a recapitulation from today’s (February 9th, 2019) Questions and Answers session with Chris on the Tangled Discord Server.

Q:  How was your day? How has the crew been? A:  That’s an easy one... so far, my day has been great!  We’ve all been actually REALLY great! Everyone is still loving making the show! And we all can’t wait for you all to see what’s coming up!

Q:  What this series means to you personally? A: As most already know, the show is very personal for me. I pull a lot of the themes and situations from my own experiences and the experiences of the people I love. The writers do an amazing job!

Q: Which episode are you most excited for out of the new titles that were released? A: I need to stay away from commenting on anything coming up. Sorry guys!!! You will love them though, I promise!

Q: Do you know whether or not there will be a long hiatus between season 2 and season 3 too? A: I do not know anything about Disney Channel’s plans for the shows schedule.

Q: I wonder who has built the caravan. Was it Rapunzel herself? A: We all just imagined that the caravan was picked up along the way shortly after the events of season one. I liked the idea that they were out there picking up supplies and things along their way. There could be more stories about how they acquired it. Those stories could be very fun.

Q: I know there are a lot of questions coming in but when you have a moment, would you mind telling us some of your favorite fan theories or AUs? A: AU’s - Well, that Moon Varian thing has gotten a lot of attention.

Q: What did you think when you heard that Germany was getting the episodes first? A: Honestly, it was quite odd to hear that Germany was getting the new episodes first. But again, I have zero say over how programming works at the channel. No one at the studio really does.

Q: Do you read fanfiction of the show? A: I don’t really have the time to read fan fiction, and I’d be worried that some of those ideas would find themselves into the show, so I stay away from them.... I’m sure they are great though!! I love that people feel so connected to the story that they write their own stories! That is SO GREAT! And inspiring in itself!

Q: Have you met any cosplayers? A: Uh, I met a few at D23! Amazing people!

Q: Fave piece of fanart? A: Any of the Cass fan art! I screen shot them and send a few of them to Eden! She loves them!!!

Q: Who's your favorite character? A: It’s hard to have a fav. I love them all so much!

Q: Bouncing off of that question, do you have a favorite villain? A: Well cone on, what would happen to me if I didn’t say Varian wasn’t my fav? HAHAHA!!! I do love Varian!

Comment: I noticed Varian went through lots of design changes, not really a question but I just gotta say how amazing his design is. Chris: He was conceived very early on in the development of the show. But he didn’t really come to life until Jeremy stepped into the role. His design changed after Jeremy was cast. Once we knew more about him he started to take more visual shape. He was a little softer in his design, not as dynamic. Ben Balistreri really found the right tone with him and gave him his final look! You can thank him!

Q: What about Cass. DId she change as well? A: Cass was similar. We had a pretty good idea of who she was, and what she would look like. But once I heard Eden’s voice, she became much more real and started to influence the design much more. Tough and able, she needed to look older and feel different than Rapunzel.

Q: Are you planning to add any more major-ish characters? A: Can’t really speak about upcoming episodes, SORRY!!!

Q: Do you or the other crew members have any pets that inspired any of the animals in the show, like Max or Rudiger or Pascal or Owl? A: Not REALLY?!I wanted my Scottish terrier to make it into the show, but he never did. His name was Conan!

Q: Is there anything you can tell us about (Shorty)? A: No, I like his mystery.

Q: Is he gonna be the Old Man Mcgucket of the series? A: He will NOT be the Old Man Mcgucket of the show.

Q: What is working on a creative team like? It's something i would love to do one day, but i was wondering what studio life is like? A: Working with the crew is the best part of the show. They are amazingly talented and inspiring! I love our crew. The artists, the writers, the voices, the musicians. It’s an amazing process. I’m so lucky that I get to work with ALL of them. I’m the only one that gets to work one on one with every single person on the show. Every single person brings a unique voice to the show. It has its challenges, but at the end of the day, you guys make it ALL worth it. So much more to come! You guys have no idea! I feel like the best stuff is ahead of us. I just wish there were more of you! I know, you guys do a GREAT job. But it’s amazing that so many “Tangled” fans still don’t even know that there is a SHOW!     

Q: So at what point in the creative process do you think it's easiest to see what the episode will be?  A: Hopefully it’s pretty early, but it doesn’t become solid for me until we start talking to the director and board artists about it. I love the visuals so it becomes clearer to me when I can start seeing things. The themes are always clear. It’s really about finding what the individual episode has to do with the season. Then I can start fine tuning it.

Q: What is you favourite scene? A:  Oh I have so many. Um.......When her hair comes back. Her jumping out into the moonlight was my drawing. I loved that. It was like her being reborn.

Q: What made you decide that the leaf people on the Island (Lorbs) should talk with a German accent? A: It just seemed to be a funny thing for them to be German. Flula Borg is hilarious. He was in Pitch Perfect. And is on Conan O’Brien all the time.

Q: Has there ever been bloopers during the series? A: Bloopers are rare in animation. We cut scenes from time to time but the process needs to be tight so very few things get cut!

Q: Did anyone who said the idols name have trouble pronouncing "Idol of the Vershaftsbezeigungengien"? A: Oh! That?! HA! Flula just said it, nailed it. And it just became what the idol was called! We laughed every time he said it. He never messed it up. Nailed it every time.

Q: What background do we have on Friedborg's creation? A: Oh Friedborg.... She was simply meant to be this fun silent member of the castle. The show is SO heavy... and emotional, we just try to look for as many light moments and characters as we can to lessen the heaviness of the overall story.

Q: Did you have any inspiration for the character of Cass? A: Oh Cass. Ummm... she’s made up of a lot of people and experiences. I had an older wiser friend growing up that showed me the ropes. I wanted Rapunzel to have one of those. I cool, experienced buddy. Outside of Eugene. There’s your boyfriend, and then there’s your BFF. They are different.

Q: Were show auditions done all at the same time? Or as new characters needed? A: No, Lance came later, but I knew who I wanted for him. James was ALWAYS Lance.

Q: I'm curious, why did you decide to give Cass an Owl? A: Ben loves owls. And it seemed like something she’d have. Lives most of its real life at night.

Q: What was your inspiration for Quirin, Varian, and their family? A: Varian really came out of necessity. We needed something that would illustrate Rapunzel and her Father’s strained relationship.

Q: What inspired you to get so much Broadway talent for the voices? A: Well. I love broadway. And it seemed in line with the film already. Donna Murphy is a Broadway legend! So it only seemed natural. I knew there was going to be a lot of music and wanted a more sophisticated talent pool than just the regular Disney Channel Stars. Our cast is AMAZING! You guys have no idea.

Comment: Im a huge broadway fan I was so sad Christian Borle didn't sing. Chris: He didn’t sing.... BUUUUT STILL!!! CHRISTIAN BORLE!!!! He’s amazing!!!

Q: Whose bird design is your favourite? A: I loved them all. They won an award!!! 

Q: With two legends like the actors playing mother and father, why did you decide to not do a song? A: Songs are difficult to do in the 22 min episodes. We knew we wanted Rapunzel and Cass to sing about the road, so after that we just ran out of time!

Q: Without going into spoilers, any information we can know on Adira's development? A: Well obviously she has the tattoo... So she’s connected in SOME way.

Q: On character design, how long does it take to design a character? A: As far as time goes.... The crew gets a few weeks to design a show, but for major characters that we know we will see over multiple episodes, we take more time. Ben was working on Adira’s design even before we ended season one.

Q: Could I be cheeky and ask for some portfolio tips? Like.. what would be the number one thing a studio (not just disney, any really) would look for when it comes to a character design artist? A: Good question...The number one thing needed for a designer is to know how to turn a character in space.It’s boring, but it’s the NUMBER ONE THING required for the job. Knowledge of shape and space. Not just 3/4 front. So many portfolios have these amazing drawings, but they don’t mean anything if that can’t animate. Do tons and tons of turns. A lot of people think that character design is this super creative flourish of whatever you want all day long. And honestly, it’s not.It’s a lot of mundane clinical turns that are done for use by animators.It’s very boring most of the time.

Q: Would that be very similar for general concept art? A: Well, there’s a difference between visual development and character design.Character design for TV is CLINICAL AND STERILE. But VERY useful. And necessary.But it’s not the life of a “Art of” book.You need to be able to think like a computer.

Q: How early did you have the concept for Lance, and did his role change during development? A: I think I’ve told this story before but I love telling it. About Lance. So. I had flown to New York to pitch the show to Music legend Alan Menken... We spent the day pitching and Alan loved the concept of the show and agreed to write our songs!!! HUGE! Life changing day for sure. So I think he got us tickets to see Aladdin that evening on Broadway. I had never seen it on stage. So we went and I always keep notes for ideas in my phone. And the moment I saw James Monroe Iglehart, I knew he needed to be in the show. He was so much fun! And big! And funny! And a GREAT singer.I wrote down “Eugene needs a fun friend from his past and James would be perfect!” This was before we even began writing any scripts for the show. So from then on out, he became a character in my head, it was just the details of how he would play into the story.But we all love him and James is like a brother to me. We have so much in common! He’s the best! He’s in Hamilton on Broadway now! He and Lin go back a LONG way!They have been friends for years! Q: Which movie or show song is your favourite? A: Well, if it’s not too obvious, I’m a “Little Shop of Horrors”/“Little Mermaid” guy.I love the tragedy of Little Shop and the beauty of Mermaid. I love music and animation. I think our songs are some of the best Disney has to offer across the board. I’d put any of our songs against the features any day.And there are more coming that are some of the best in the series!!! 

Comment: Listen up is one of my favorites. Chris: I like listen up because Rapunzel at that point needs to listen to the voices in her head... it was motivated by the things that were happening in the bigger story. 

Comment: I liked View from up here. Chris: View from Up Here was also motivated by the bigger arc of the story. Songs for me should work hard to inform the audience what is happening in the story overall, not just what’s happening AT THE MOMENT. “Ready as I’ll ever be” was really about Rapunzel getting ready to leave home. She was as ready to start her adventure as she was going to be. We just used the song to give that same attitude to everyone. But Rapunzel is the focus. Everything SHOULD have purpose. Narrative purpose. 

Chris: Keep watching and SPREAD THE WORD!!!