#people are scared of their talks theyre more scared when its in their own language
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cheesewiz
#boys will be boys and its emotional manipulation#people are scared of their talks theyre more scared when its in their own language#bsd school au#bungou stray dogs#bsd dazai osamu#bsd fyodor dostoevsky#pls dont tag as ship#2023 art
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just here to blab cause i havent been having much fun drawing lately, and ive been sick a lot which is abnormal for me, and i got them chronic headaches,
but at least i can project thoughts on silly gay characters and pretend like theyre the main characters in the shows and movies i watch
reviewing past ideas this week since its nice when i dont have anything else i want to do. its nice to go back and see their beginnings again which is mostly just gil being unreadable and emotionally distant and cas being so desperate to keep gil in his life that he ignores all those red flags & pines painfully.
but i write pretty much everything down, so i have all those random thoughts like Domestic Moment #4306 and What If They Were Strangers, or the alternative, What If They Got Together Much Earlier. yknow how it goes. being my own fanfiction writer.
i like writing gil as being inexplicably alluring and its usually just because of small things like how he talks or his body language, on top of the fact he's tall and hot in a grungy way. and cas, even though he's gil's oldest friend, has such a hard time reading him because of gil's unique brand of being guarded (never being vulnerable or transparent). it all adds to the mystery and people (/cas) wanting to get in close for a chance to figure him out.
even in high school, cas wouldnt always be aware of what was happening in his best friend's life. gil's guardedness manifested in his teenage years as keeping the secret of his father's abuse, whether he was just scared of the consequences of others knowing, or he's embarrassed for his own circumstances, but cas' ability to look closely and be a friend without making gil feel bad about himself is part of why they were best friends. that, and cas being (at the time) a good cishet ally boy that respects his friends ;0
while this isnt what happens in their lil story, i do also like to consider what itd be like if cas was brave enough to recognize/act on the feelings he wouldnt admit he had for his friend, back when they were teenagers. cas thought he was straight for many years after high school, but i could also see a reality where ~ally~ cas becomes "experimenting doesnt inherently mean anything". hehe. would make their separation all the more heartbreaking for lil cas.
then, in a universe where they don't meet until theyre adults with separate lives, how that could look. like because of everything above, maybe it'd be expected that gil wouldn't give a person like cas a real chance, that he'd be especially difficult because the lack of history makes it that much harder to break down his walls. but then, what about exhausted gil, alone for the same reasons as usual, choosing it & all his connections with other people usually not extending beyond a single night. this guy, meeting someone who responds to gil's flirtation without going the obvious route and taking gil home for the same reason as everyone else-- but instead, just talks to him, and is oddly the nicest and easiest person to be around. gil's experiences creating expectations thatre shattered by a lil punky guy who doesn't make gil feel alone or like he's around for only one thing.
commitment-phobe gil meeting cas in his mid 20s and somehow agreeing to a date because his curiosity is honestly piqued by this surprise encounter. it seems like it shouldnt be shocking to have a decent conversation with a decent person, but a messy person can somehow manage to completely avoid any positive people. especially if they surround themselves with stoners, dealers, and club rats.
ive said it before but ig they really do have a "i can fix him" dynamic but it actually sorta works? gil isnt as messy, eventually lol. kinda the point.
but i love a circumstance of a guy being all "i don't do relationships, i don't believe in love, bachelor lyfe 4eva, ima fuck this whole city" and then going completely mushy because someone is patient and committed to him. gotchu now bitch... u DO relationship.. u DO believe in love, you are settling down and fucking one man only. i would say sorry but youre happy now bitch ✋caught in 4k
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Please infodump about Tubbo’s acting if you wanna we would love to hear more
*ascends* ok so basically tubbo is genuinely one of the best actors on the smp considering his lack of experience and young age- he has amazing control over his voice and when not doing a bit, he exaggerates just enough that you can tell hes acting, but not so much it breaks the immersion. his voice acting also just fits his character very well, being very firm and leaving no room for questioning. when he finishes, hes finished.
its also very neat to see how tubbo rolls with the punches- hes often tired during streams (especially the streams before the meetup since hed stay up to talk to ranboo) and isnt always in an acting mood, but even when he isnt exactly able to stay in character he weaves his ooc moments into his character near perfectly- and he doesnt have to spell out his reasonings either, which i think is really neat.
when he was tired and couldnt respond properly to tommys death announcement, he weaved it into an arc of denial and trying to figure out what happened without admitting What Happened, something that fits amazingly with c!tubbos tendency to think logically while still often being irrational, and tying it into when he thought tommy was dead before but was actually alive. his way of bouncing off his own tiredness by making his character be distinctly out of it, spiralling as he finds more and more, clearly unable to accept the truths he finds and even believing himself to be losing it as his voice gets more fervent and he starts rambling as he moves around and staying laser focused on his mission
through cc!tubbos acting and bouncing off of others and his own natural inclinations- c!tubbo becomes Off in-universe. a kid with a name for being kind and someone very loved by those around him- and you get to know him, and hes Off. he trails off and yet his statements sound Final, he cuts people off with cutting remarks, hes explosive in his anger, he rambles on and on about things that everyone just has to go along with, he loves bees and flowers and his friends ad family and he makes nukes and comes up with war strategies and knows about death and pain. hes a child president, and he sounds like one.
its clear in him exiling tommy as he shouts about undermined authority and doesnt give "proper" reactions to being compared to schlatt, its clear in how he puts emphasis right where he should, he shoots any statements he doesnt agree with down, sometimes frustratingly calm while doing so, hes quick on his feet and barely has to think when responding. he doesnt always say the right thing, but that only emphasizes that hes young and doesnt know what hes doing. hes a teenager told to mature too much too quickly
and when c!tubbo breaks, its devastating. his voice gets choked up, and yet his responses are as normally paced and calm as ever (until they arent, until hes breaking too much for even him to keep up with). when hes excited, its shouts of joy, bouncing around and getting fully into it. when hes scared his voice gets pained and forced, when hes teasing he sounds as if hes holding back a smile. when hes resigned, he goes completely into logical mode, calmly explaining the situation and his perspective, calmly accepting it all when the truth finally catches up and he cant ignore his problems anymore.
lines like "what am i without you?" "yourself", "wilbur said he wasnt going to hurt me", "dream, please escort tommy out of my country", "you've messed this up for no one but yourself", theyre all such good shows of his control in his voice, of how he attunes his emotions near-perfectly.
tubbo is an intensely good actor, and i didnt even touch how he controls his characters body language within a fucking 3d block game. when i say tubbo is truly up there as having some of my favorite vocal deliveries and favorite lines overall, i truly mean it. kids talented, i hope he knows how god inspiring he is because his voice acting is genuinely better than what some professional adults are able to do.
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k im back. fourteen
okay so theyre doing it. escaping to go home with maven! bonding moment ahead, i can feel it.
oh wait cal is coming with them? aaaaand weve got ourselves an obligatory awkward moment where the protagonist catches one of the guys bare-chested™. sigh. well whatever. girls be thirsty ig. lets point out how hes got a bruise near his heart?? is he okay?? i suppose he is but ouch.
cal. cal, you adorable man. what are you so nervous about?
oh wait so maven asked cal to help mare go to her home. ohhhhh. that makes sense.
cal obviously thinks its a bad idea but mare takes no shit. she wants to go home. so cal agrees. i should mention how adorably funny mares excitement is. like a toddler lmao.
maven isnt coming :(
MARE HUGGED HIM AAAA
But just because he isn’t coming doesn’t mean I will forget what he’s done for me already.
mare your soul is beautiful.
shes feeling more comfortable with them!
…but this mightve been immediately regressed as soon as she saw the war armor. and also the books on war tactics- i wanna point out they are written in a language called “Common” of norta, the lakelanders and piedmont?? -but back to mare, shes clearly Not In Board with this. she sees the war as the lives of many reds being lost for the silvers benefit.
its also implied that cal was expecting to play chess with maven. im pretty sure its chess.
she catches a glance at scars on his back. he keeps them despite having access to healers to tend to them. this is interesting. since he is shown to be the type to see past his own glamorous life and privilege, im guessing he keeps them as a reminder of his peoples suffering. maybe hes trying to connect with the people he knows little to nothing about, and thats why he also sneaks out pretending to be red.
they leave, and cal leads her to a… basement storage room. im genuinely confused why are there weird metal shapes that move in here. mare is suddenly passive-aggressively complainig about his huge armor closet. i get that shes mad at how close hes to the whole war tactic planning but… its not like hes got much choice is it.
he responds honestly saying he doesnt want to wear armor when he bring her to her family as to not make them feel threatened i suppose?
“[…] We don’t want your family getting the wrong idea, do we?”
“What idea do we want them to get? I don’t think I’m exactly allowed to introduce you properly.
mares got a good point. honestly i just assumed they were gonna have a walk around the stilts and see her acquaintances and loved ones from afar. wouldnt going to her home and talking to her parent require a plan or an explanation that isnt “ive been betrothed to one of the princes because they found out i have powers. oh yeah, i have powers! neat huh? so as i was saying, ill have to pretend to be a princess for the rest of my life and this might be the last time i get to see you all.”
oh ok so theyll pretend they took mare in to work for the royals like at the beginning and cal will be her ride. oh yeah cal has a motorbike which is cool as shit. but also… if this werent a fantasy universe this would look hella cliché.
he built it- yeah ok that is pretty damn awesome.
mare hesitates at first but obviously gives in and puts the helmet on. she wants to go home, damnit.
she got so nervous she held onto him so hard he had to pry her off. and i mean, its her first time on a bike obviously shed be pretty scared.
also she missed his warmth as soon as she let go. makes sense that shed be at least a little touch starved. aw.
mare takes the chance to ask him, in her own way (making remarks about how often he does this and all), why he wants to hang out in red bars rather than his luxurious palace. he comments that hes going to be king one day and doesnt get to be selfish. mare points out the king should be the only one who does. and it mqkes sense cause thats how she sees it. the only way shes known how to live is stealing and risking her life. and shes seen the silvers get everything they need and want. it has frustrated her understandably.
cal finally answers. the king should know his people. yeah i called it. makes sense! he wants to empathize with them. hes doing what he can. hes trying to be a good leader. to see what the world is like instead of being told how it is by everyone else.
“[…] My father does everything he can to keep us safe, and so will I.”
“My world is already in ruin,” […] “Your father keeps your people safe, not mine.”
ouch. but true.
cal tells her that it would cost them they alliance to other kingdoms. that theyd be tron apart by them. which… makes sense. but mare believes its possible to make it better. that norta could be the start.
the conversation dies as they make it to her home. cal waits outside bc he noticed how nervous mare was, the sweetheart, but she tells him to join anyway. they go in she and wakes up his brothers bree and tramy first. mom and dad join in as they notice whats going on. everyone is happy to seer her. well. gisa only pokes her head out. and wheres shade??
they congratulate her on getting a job, and comment that the story for the brothers discharge and their full pension was a lottery they won.
Up above us, Gisa scoffs. […] “Yes, we’re very lucky,”
poor girl. shes lost her hand for all these things to happen. it feels more like a trade than actual luck to her. she gives mare the cold shoulder and asks about cal. which is a bit hurtful but… fair, from her point of view.
dad know hes not from around there. cal quickly makes up a story of how hes from harbor bay and changes his accent which i gotta admit, good quick thinking! he comments how the servants travel a lot, which prompts her mom to be horrified. mare remarks that its good money. i mean its definitely better than stealing, from their point of view mares doing an honest attempt at working.
bree is suspicious and makes a comment about liking kilorn better. lmao.
oh fuck. is shade dead???
“He tried to run away. He was executed. Beheaded.”
holy shit. dude. things are getting real.
mare is so angry shes making lightbulbs buzz. guess the act is about be up.
she makes a mess, cal cant get to her and everyone already knows. mare angry because they found out shade was in the scarlet guard. and yeah, thats more likely. before she looses herself completely, though, kilorn comes in. he snaps her out of it.
but obviously the bug secret is out. and at first kilorn think it was the silvers doing, but she tells him its just her. he acts like shes a complete stranger despite her family clearly stating that she is red. cmon dude, shes going through a lot and you decide to pull that?
“Give me a knife and I’ll settle this right now,” I say, glaring back at him. “I’ll show you what color I bleed.”
she clearly means it, dude, stop that.
she explains everything. leaving out mr jacos’ findings, bc cal is there. she points out she doesnt know if theyll ever understand how or why she is the way she is. and i mean yeah, its one hell of an exception. she breaks the “rules”.
cal pretends to be a bodyguard now, and tells her its time to go. her whole family thankfully agrees to keep the secret, but kilorns fucking mad for some reason.
mare and cal leave, and he tries to comfort her about shade, but shes so close to loosing it she stops him, saying she needs to make one last stop.
its to wills!! she goes there to tell him everything, but he already knows somehow??
oh, some dude named tristan, also from the guard told him. shit, wills got some acquaintances, doesnt he?
tristan nearly bolts when he learns one of the princes is outside. of course he would! killing or kidnapping a prince? holy shit! he calls her a silver for “protecting him” but mare points out that cals pretty damn good at defending himself using his fire.
she makes her reason for presence there clear: shades dead because of the guard and she wants to use her princess privilege to help the cause. nice, short and sweet. and absolutely perfect to kick in some plot.
she shakes hands with will and seals the deal. shes in deep now. and im a delighted by finally seeing what i came in for.
so yeah, she goes back with cal thinking abt how theyre enemies now. and how weird it is that theyre both so nice to her. him and maven. i also wonder why. they both grew up surrounded by people that hate reds. how are they so tolerant?
when theyre about to leave on the sick motorbike ohmygod kilorn shows up. he better be here to say sorry.
no, hes just here to be sad about mare leaving. i mean of course he is. they were besties. he wants her to stay. cal has to step in to intimidate him just slightly to let go. im glad he didnt have to do anything too harsh. and that he tried to keep his composure as best as possible.
“You bargained for me too, to save me from conscription,”
yeah! so understand shits not cheap!
and as they leave kilorn says hell tell farley she said hello. oh god hes gonna join the guard too.
#many things happen….#red queen first read#mare barrow#kilorn warren#prince maven#prince cal??#prince calore??#god why is he named after his father
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Hi mum! Im sorry this is gonna be a long ask, i dont have anyone to tell this. So im will start my senior year in high school next month. And at the end of the year i will take an exam to enter univerisities, which is held only once a year. I have to decide my orientation this week, its either stem+ med and other stuff like this, or law psychology is on another choice. We have 4 options. I am going to go crazy. I have been trying to pick one for a year and couldnt. Now i have only one week. Ive tried everything, we talked with my parents so many times. But still nothing. And my psychology is not really good now because of this, so i dont want to make the most important decision of my life in a headspace like this. Im just so scared. I have panic attacks during the night. I didnt tell my family about this, theyre already worried enough. So i am a "gifted kid" but its not a gift, it is a curse. I have pressure on me, everyone expects me to be successful. And im scared of wasting my potential. What am i going to do? Please show me a way out. I literally cant sleep at night
Hello darling,
You didn't give me all the options or talked about your own preferences so it would be hard to rationally guide your decision.
1/ Don't pick a degree or a job title, pick a career.
Most people specialise in one subject and become references in their field because they work on it until they become excellent. Mine is obviously French (language, literature, culture, history, etc.), and it's always been the case: I started reading when I was three, was known as the school's book worm and claimed I wanted to become a French teacher when I was 8. Fast-forward twenty years: ta-ta!
It is reasonable to think that you already have the answer. That there is in your life that one thing that makes you happy, that never feels like a burden, that you can do/ramble about for hours. If not, you need to explore the world until you find it. It's there, somewhere, waiting to be discovered. No one is devoid of fire.
2/ Don't expect a smooth ride.
It is highly unlikely that you will get your dream job immediately and stay there for the rest of your life (you wouldn't be hired without experience, they might not be hiring at all in your area, your goals might change and you could decide to move, etc.). What will probably happen is that you'll get a job, and another, and another, and then you'll have the experience needed to apply to your dream job and hopefully you will get it. And even then things might happen or you could have a change of heart.
3/ Nothing is definitive.
You always have a choice. You can always change your mind, drop out, start again, do something completely different, take a month off to think, go back to university when you're thirty, start a business, move continents, etc. Whatever decision you will take this week doesn't trace the one path you will have to walk on for the rest of your life. Think of life as a tree, not a straight line.
4/ You're in charge.
Not your parents. I have been that gifted child crushed under pressure and it didn't do any good. You don't even have to go to university. You could become a video editor, a hairdresser, or a cook. You are the one living in this brain and this body for the rest of your life, no one else, so what others think doesn't matter.
Now, my advice.
Get in touch with a teacher you like and see if you can have more time, or if there's a possibility you can change your mind later this year and possibly pick another field. I can guarantee every year there are very chill students who forget the deadline and wake up too late, yet are still be able to enrol in college. There has to be room for the unexpected and teachers know that more than anyone else.
If you're absolutely certain you want to go to uni, write down your four options and their professional prospects in one column, the things you like in a second one, and your job expectations in a third one. Do you want to work alone, in a team, in an office, outside, travel a lot, be an employee or a boss, etc. Think long-term. You will start working in a few years and won't stop for fourty years. Passion is the best tool you can have to make that time look like a smooth ride.
If you want to discuss it with me in person, dead serious, DM me your Skype @ and we can talk today or tomorrow and find a solution together. I let anxiety destroy my life for a long time and I would hate to see you make the same mistake.
Love,
Mum
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New chapter new analysis
I’m publishing it one more time because it didnt show in tags for some reason???
I put it under “read more” so maybe now.
I finally read translation so I can finally write something about the new chapter. I know people’s strong feelings towards it and I think it’s totally understandable huh
I, personally, liked this chapter even if I think it was creepy as fuck. But I know Jun’s work and how she writes her stories and I know that she purposely made it really uncomfortable. I think this chapter was made to be upsetting because what happened during it was kinda important?
Warning; LONG POST (contains spoilers to new chapter)
First thing - Noe was forced to see some Vanitas’s memories. Of course by Misha eyes, but still it’s Vanis past. And as we know already, Vanitas REALLY didn’t want Noe to know about anything his past-related. He even threated him that he would kill you if Noe would someday try to drink his blood. So it’s opening for totally new conflict. We have two options
Vanitas would come to place and see Noe drinking Mishas blood and it would be horrible
Vanitas wouldn’t see it and Noe would live in sting of remorse and we know how emotional Noe is and it would be also horrible. And this option also has 2 options
Noe would finally tell Vani that he drank Mishas blood and it would be horrible
Misha would tell Vanitas that Noe drank his blood and it also would be horrible
When Noe started drinking Mishas blood he walked into a trap and there is no escape now. Vanitas is going to KNOW this and its going to be a problem, because knowing Vanis past, memories and emotions was a borderline in their relationship - Noe didn’t get a permission to step over it. And now he just... steped, because of Mishas blackmail.
Also the whole scene was made to be creepy - we can clearly see that Noe is distraught and scared and uncomfortable. We can hear his thoughts, we can see his terrified face
He is terrified for A LOT of reasons. A lot.
He is scared of Domis life. He don’t know what is going on with her and she is unconscious and she can literally DIE. Domi is his best friend, his childhood friend and nearly all family he has left. Domi is the closest person to him and he can’t just lose her like he lost Louis.
He DON’T WANT to read Vanitas’s past without his permission and knowledge. Its awful, it’s non consensual and non-con it’s something Noe hates, because, even if he would like to know Vani’s past (what he said back before Gevaudan arc) he don’t want to know it without Vanis consenst and he didn’t push. And now he is forced to see them, to betray Vani’s trust.He, probably, hates himself thanks to it.
He is blackmailed, bullied and intimidated which is bad on it’s own. He has absolutely NO CONTROL over a situation, he is absolutely subordinated and can’t do anything to change his situation. It’s scary.
He is forced to drink blood, which is a really intimate and delicate activity for him. He hates being forced to drink blood and forcing to drink blood, and, additionaly, Misha is a kid. Or, at least, he look like a kid (it’s hard to say his age for sure and how many years their past with Moreau happened). It’s gross, creepy and weird and Noe feels it. We can see him backing away from a fucking kid.
Jun did it purposely. Combine all of it, to made the horror moment for him, probably to break him in front o Misha.
The running thing in Vanitas no Carte is motif of Noe not having any control over anything in his life (even without his noticing). Noe never had a control over anything.
He didn’t have a control over his life during childhood, ie when he was sold on auction
He didn’t have any control over Louis’s death and curse. He couldn’t do anything to save him or to save other kids back then. He could do nothing.
He don’t have any control in general - he was trained by the Teacher to be his pupil. Noe don’t even know how big control Grandpa de Sade has over him and his doings.
He didn’t have any control when Domi found him at Orloks. She just kidnapped him to Altus.
He don’t have any control over his relationship with Jeanne - anytime he wants to talk to her or about her he is interuptted.
He didn’t want his blood be sucked by Ruthven and he didn’t want to Swear.
He don’t have any control now. He didn’t wanted to know Vanis past non consensualy, he didn’t wanted to drink Mishad blood, he don’t want to see Domi in this situation.
It’s a writing continuity. We are being told how little control Noe has over his (and others) life. It’s becaming a plot point. MochiJun knows what she is doing. She purposely made the whole chapter creepy and unsettling. She need us to know that what is happening right now is wrong - not only drinking blood from a 1/4 naked kid, but also the rest. Everything. That this chapter is traumatic - we literally touched Noes trauma, Domis trauma and Mishas trauma over a few pages and panels:
Dominique - we can see how she reacted to Louis death, how she wanted to make Noe feels better, why she changed her hairstyle and outfit, how she hated herself because it was her brother who died, not her. We can see it now - she is depressed, she hatees herself and would prefer to die over Louis. She was easy to catch for Misha.
Noe - we can see that he can do anything for Domi because she is his last friend, his family, last thing (person) he has. He can’t lose her, he is desperate and traumatized over Louis death so he can do anything, even suck Mishas blood and know Vanis past even if he hates it and its wrong for him.
Misha - we can see thanks to his flashbacks that it was hinted he was (if I undertand english correctly, sorry, it’s not my first language) se*//ually abused as a child. He thought his mother was possesed by devil, it was traumatizing on it’s own, but he was also dressed as a girl, physically abused and hit by his mother and used during her “sessions” with clients. Then he was kidnapped by Moreau who, probably, was experimenting on him just like on Vanitas - so Misha was abused again. And later Vanitas killed “father” what also traumatized him. His behaviour towards Noe it’s not really that suprising - its horrible and sad and heartbreaking knowing why Misha is that way, but its logical. It has sense. It’s just how his trauma made him.
Sooo do I think what happened in the chapter was good or okay? No. It was creepy and made me feel sick. But do I think Jun is bad for making it this way? No. I think her work is great, because she actually did planned it logically. She delivered TONS OF INFORMATIONS by only one chapter. Tons, about a lot of characters - Misha, Vanitas, Noe, Dominique, even Roland (he know Misha is one thing, but, also, why he was so beaten up? What happened my man? Who hurted you?) It wasn’t just gross pedo-fanservice some people accused it to be. (even if it was gross anyway och my gos this scene with Misha standing over Noe was frightening, I was just as scared as Noe, I felt like I was in his place and I was looking at Misha)
Also! I’m pretty sure one of the reason for Misha undressing his collar a little bit was for us (and maybe Noe too) to see his possesion mark on his arm. For some reason we, as an audience, need to know this.
But! We also get a lot of different informations -
Domi is a royal guard and is working in castle, so she probably knew Luca before and had contact with him or some other royal people. i think it’s interesting that she worked at castleas a royal guard.
Luca probably likes Domi and was worried about her. Also after knowing she is missing he decided to took direct actions, he is not passive.
Misha has Vanitas of the Blue Moon’s possesion mark on his hand. It’s really interesting, especially when we know that its his prosthetic arm. Somebody tried to cut his arm with a possesion mark and I bet it was Vanitas or Misha himself. Yet it DIDN’T work, mark of possesion is still here, above his prosthetic.
Noe “don’t know anything about Vanitas”. It was an important sentence. It was something that Noe need to know narratively speaking. It’s pushing the story forward, because Noe’s and Vani’s relationship is the core of the story. It was literally told in the first chapter that it’s a story about their journey.
Misha had a lot of bruises on his whole body after he was rescued. We knew he was beaten, but we could also see it’s evidence.
Mishas face when Noe drank his blood was similar to his mother face when a vampire drank his blood. It wasn’t accidental, we were shown his trauma and how it’s affected him.
Next thing I noticed:
In this panel, Misha looks A LOT like Vanitas. Og course he has child features and chubbier face, he has white(?) hair and eyelashes ets, but his mimic, his gaze, how one of his eyes is covered by hair and his words. Its literally how Vanitas’s panel would be draw. It’s really Vanitaish.
We also got some questions, like:
What happened to Misha and how he lost his hand?
What Luca ordered Jeanne? (probably to check out real Paris and maybe find Domi or Noe)
Why Mishas mark of possesions was so important for us to know?
Is that Roland met Misha in the past important?
Why was Roland so beaten up?
There was also one more thing. Jun is operating in her story not only by making parallels betweend her characters (ie Teacher and VotBM, or Astolfo nad Vanitas, or Louis and Domi etc) but also contrasts. The biggest contrast motif on the story are probably Vanitas and Noe thanks to not only their history, but also their appearance, personality, design of their clothes, their height, their names (Vanitas being related to death and vanity, Noe being related to saving and something biblical etc). Their whole characters are made constrast. And so we got here:
Vanitas and Misha are not made parallels, theyre made contrast.
Misha is looking from the upside, Vanitas is looking from the above, Mishas hair is white, Vanitas hair is black, Vani has a shadow over his face, misha is lighted. Misha has white eyelashes, Vani has black. Misha looks calm an suprised, Vani looks stressed. Their whole “atmosphere” is different. Even if Misha is bruised in this panel he looks clean, even angelic, when Vanitas looks... bad, he has dark circles under eyes, wrinkled eyebrows, bandage etc. They’re made to contrast themselves, not to be compared to. It’s the next hint about their role in the story I suppose. That they’re not similar, they’re not the same and there is something basically different about their roles.
I would also like to write about shadow and light work in this chapter, but I’m just really tired right now, soo here it is! My analyze od the new chapter, or, at least, the most important parts of it (for me). I liked it in general, but it was... stressed and I was anxious about this chapter for the one whole day. But in general I think Jun did gods work with delivering informations she wanted to delivere.
#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no carte#vanitas no shuki#long post#vanitas#misha#dominique de sade#noe archiviste
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aoba johsai’s sport’s journalist (h/c’s)
just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n)
(w: language!)
a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.
Now let’s be honest here, it’s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, c’mon, they’re one of the best in the prefecture.
But let’s start with the basics here, shall we? Let’s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.
Yep, you.
There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chef’s kiss* you’re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..
Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.
but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to write because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.
You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didn’t expect it to amass like that much people.
The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.
and guess where that led you to?
Yep, the sport’s section, specifically the volleyball team’s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.
VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.
Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, “you’ll do fine… its like news bUT SPORTS! IT’LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!”
You’re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?
It doesn’t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.
It also didn’t help that you crash course the terminologies and the member’s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.
Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?
When you approach the coach, you’re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.
you’re loading for a second there.
and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you weren’t responding at all.
“OH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?”
the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didn’t know Oikawa???
so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.
“....soooo you write?”
“...”
at this point on, you’re also confused too
and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.
you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.
anyways...
He tells you the team’s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.
Basically introduces you to the whole team after,
no questions asked, just go with the flow.
You basically just click and vibe???
Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said,
you literally all shared the same brain cell together.
Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, he’d literally spike a ball at your direction.
“we’re basically the same year tho :(” -Y/N
“lmao well do i’ve got news for you, y/n-chan.” - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.
you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.
but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because they’re just really friendly people??
like wow, they’re all friendly giants.
You’re literally just there to write about them but they’re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that you’ve never written for sports yet.
they even give you some added key terms that aren’t found in books and online.
you’re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.
iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawa (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes aren’t even that funny) and yes its canon that whenever iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.
no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.
its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.
same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.
incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH
like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go, “It’s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?”
dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king
“oh, wow, i thought you said you didn’t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?” - Hanamaki
another dramatic best boi.
akira + kindaichi getting shy because they’ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess
“w-well, L/N-san...”
kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before you’re used to his whole thing already.
“Move, extra.”
“You were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!”
you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team
yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen
itadakimasu.
he doesn’t mind tho, he really loves how you write them.
so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.
team says you’re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if you’re like the manager or smthng.
“ no :’) “
When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.
this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.
oh right, your article was passed on to the town’s newspaper
it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.
they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.
“...wOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???” -Oikawa
“we didn’t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKS” -matsukawa
lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why
pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.
more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.
your volleyball sports writing experience wouldn’t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?
ironically, it’s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.
“wow, you’re dumb.” -kentaro says to you
“ :’)” -you.
“y/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” -yahaba
overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated.
the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, you’ve proven yourself to be a meme.
continued to write for them up until graduation.
and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.
#haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu aoba johsai#haikyuu scenarios#aoba johsai x reader#haikyu headcanons#haikyu scenarios
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pick any OCs for these!! whoever you feel has an interesting answer lmao, feel free to talk about more than one per question :D
😨 fearful: when scared, do they go into flight or fight?
🙊 speak-no-evil: what is something your OC will refuse to stay quiet about?
⚾ baseball: can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power, etc.)?
🎵 music note: what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?
❤️ red heart: their love language(s)?
🙏 YESS i will talk sooo much. apollo my bestie beloved ilu
😨 fearful: when scared, do they go into flight or fight?
I'm gonna talk about carson, my fnv courier for this one. ok. so.
carson doesn't really scare easily, after dealing with being shot in the head, many many deathclaws, the legion, being lobotomized, fighting a whole ass war, etc etc. but he does get scared sometimes, mostly when it's something at stake, like lives of his companions or the threat of harm to a group he's inclined to protect. whenever he gets scared, his first instinct is always, technically, fight. though sometimes that's just acting impulsively rather than actually fighting, but it's the same instinct. he throws himself headfirst into things with no regard for his own life as is, so there's little hesitation. honestly, he barely even has the instinct for self preservation at all. but whether that's something stemming from all of his head trauma (bullet to the brain, lobotomy, several concussions), or something he already lacked, he can't quite say.
🙊 speak-no-evil: what is something your OC will refuse to stay quiet about?
hmmm. I think I'll talk about jesper 4 this one!! he is a chiss sith lord & my absolute favorite swtor oc ehehe
jesper has a very strict moral code set for himself, despite, or even because of his status as a renowned sith lord & alliance leader. he has more than enough experience with the dark side & those driven by evil that he can tell when things are likely to bring consequences. anything that he deems a risk to the alliance, to the galaxy, or especially to his wife and crew, he immediately speaks up about. unrest between imperial and republic soldiers is addressed the moment that gossip reaches his ears, reports of potential traitors are investigated, and absolutely no bigotry is tolerated. he does sort of enjoy telling people off about their misogyny and alien racism. but that's just because he and his wife love to clown on people whenever possible, especially as they are both aliens and he drinks his respect women juice daily.
that got so off topic but that's ok bc I love him <33 anyway. anything deemed a risk is immediately discussed to some extent, no matter what.
⚾ baseball: can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power, etc.)?
NOW is time for my haikyuu ocs. ok . Ok!!! i I only talk about... a few.
sakuma, kyoya, and kiya. sakuma is the 3rd year vice captain of the wolves and is a key part of their defense and is a powerful spiker. kyoya is the wolves' starting setter and kiya is the deer's starting setter. theyre both second years & they all play volleyball (ofc)
using the official hq stats system:
sakuma / kyoya / kiya
power: 4 / 4 / 3
jump: 5 / 4 / 4
stamina: 4 / 5 / 3
strategy: 4 / 3 / 4
technique: 3 / 5 / 4
speed: 4 / 4 / 5
🎵 music note: what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?
I'm gonna talk abt my rbwy oc kiyoomi bc ive been listening to his playlist the most recently tbh.
a lot of the music steers towards punk stuff, more rebellious and fuck it attitudes because that's his general. vibe. BUT. there are also a couple songs in there regarding his family issues, mostly with being neglected and ignored and the least favorite child even after he was the only child around.
the song my grand plan from the tlt musical (its about pjo annabeth and her family issues) is on there specifically because. he's a fox faunus. he's incredibly smart and witty, he's talented enough to do an awful lot, but he was so. ignored and not allowed to extend his abilities that he got fed up with it all.
also teenagers by mcr <3 he is an incredibly pissed off teenager that knows full well how fucked up a lot of the world around him is, and he's so prepared to bitch about it and say fuck the government.
❤️ red heart: their love language(s)?
doing dominick (my fo3 lone wanderer) for this because he's an asshole who's trying to figure out how to Show Affection at all.
more than anything, his main love language is acts of service. but not in the traditional sense, but a fallout sense. hell watch your back without complaint or even a request to do so. he'll make space in his life to accommodate, like adding an extra bed to his house in megaton. he takes care to save food and water and medical supplies that he plans to share later on. he'll even take a bullet or a stab wound to show that he cares.
his second love language is quality time. just travelling, mostly. he willing brings someone with him, willingly allows them into his space and life, and protects them accordingly. he only gets close to people who stick around him long enough, so quality time is important after he cares as well.
both of the love languages are most obvious in regards to charon because of how frequently they travel together. others who've taken note of dominick have noticed the casual manner that he just. takes care of charon when he can. doesn't seem to mind spending time in his company, especially if they're both quiet.
overall it's just. the way he quietly makes room in his life for another person with ease.
#this was so fun to write its now 4am im sleeebbyyy goodnght<333#asks#doctor-nightcore#apollo tag#my ocs
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signs
hmm i wont get into it that much but this is my encounters with all the signs in my life (through a scorpio perspective):
CAPRICORN
- so fucking easy to get along with; has the best presence and can give all the attention you want whenever you need it ---- ESPECIALLY when you need it; sweet and caring, but once you cross them, they'll easily hold a grudge but won't tell you about it; will still continue to be your friend still; afraid or just too timid to say however they feel especially if the subject is directly associated with them
AQUARIUS
- ALWAYS in their heads, always thinking; thinks ahead in any situation, has a plan B; although they have a plan B, they still manage how to spontaneously do something else on spot; sweethearts but still manages to have one of the worst tempers when you cross them; easily to get along with after a shared interest
PISCES
- OHHH how i wished i knew more but not in the same time; they're so adorable and nice to anyone they meet - legit an angel; once you lose connection, its hard to get in touch with them, but will still respond if you said something; THEY ARE SO SCARY WHEN THEYRE MAD; try your best not to do something shitty bc they will bite back
ARIES
- anger issues; they focus on whatever in front of them ALWAYS; they also can be indirectly shady when it comes to certain matters but still manages to apologize indirectly as well when they realize it; they always think too much and get caught up with their own shit, but they still resolve it somehow in the end
TAURUS
- girls and boys are different; VERY flirty; they know how to get things done way before the deadline is due; they mainly like to focus on the positivity in life, but once faced with a really bad wall, they're scared of asking for help because it shows their weakness; very smart and down-to-earth
GEMINI
- ooooooooooooooooo, when they're known as two-faced, the stereotypes are not wrong; they will literally act like your go to best friend, but once they're with the friend you're talking shit about, they're gonna spill everything regardless if their friendship was on the line. but don't get me wrong, they're still pretty nice people, i just don't know if they could be my best friend
CANCER
- guilt trip. legit thats the first thing i could think of whenever i realize a person is a cancer sign. they really know how to use one's feelings and turn it against them. whenever you tell them whats wrong, they find a rebuttal to use against you right away about something in the past to always try to be right. they're warmhearted people whenever you treat them nicely, but they're ready to bite back whenever
LEO
- hands down one of my favorite signs. they're so lovable and bright. you can feel their passion from the inside in, and theyre one of the few people to actually commit to something from beginning to end; although when you flake, they lose interest right away and find something spontaneous to do. they HATE it whenever plans are cancelled, but regardless, they will be ready for anything else. theyre the go-to people, the person you feel so safe with
VIRGO
- im sorry, ik a lot of people like virgos, but this is the sign that i least get along with. theyre too idealistic and too much of a perfectionist. they make plans but fail to follow up. they are so kind to people but after they leave your sight, you question if its actually sincere or not. just from experience, ive had a lot of falling out of my virgo friends, mainly because theyre too much to handle at times. but don't get me wrong, im pretty sure theyre genuine in their own way
LIBRA
- LOUD. PERCEPTIVE. VERY VERY WELLSPOKEN. they have a love language with their diction. anything they say, youll fall in love with regardless if its mean to be taken as a flirt or a natural conversation. theyre so easy to get along with with their social nature. the only thing that you need to look out for is how straight up they can be, but thats about it
SCORPIO
- oh god, dont get me started. this is my sign, but i feel so opinionated towards this. SEXUAL MFs. legit, they can get horny anytime whenever. hold the heaviest of grudges and can be sooo manipulative with anything you offer them. very hardworking though, and you can tell how competitive they are towards their work. one thing that i truly dislike is how bipolar they can be. theyre fun to be around, but they can also be the one you never want to invite to hangouts
SAGITTARIUS
- last but not the least, the sags. idk what to say lol. i just feel like their maturity level is either 50 years old or a mind of a 12 year old with no in between. their energy radiates from the moment you step into their proximity. they give life as if theyre still children at heart with a certain naiveness. nevertheless, very spontaneous and driven towards their goal
okay okay
i know i literally just flamed all signs, but thats just how it is LOL
maybe you all have different perspectives, but from a scorpio point of view, you mainly sense the negative sides of people right when you meet them. a huge red flag is drawn across their foreheads, yet you still approach them with a smile.
FOR ALL SIGNS: just be nice.
and thats it, thank you for listening to my ted talk.
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Bio! Dad Strange Part 5
Some paris update again with more Rogue shenanigans. Heads up, this is more a ‘i decided everyone can be complex and get along somewhat so im altering character dynamics from cannon to my prefrence’
When Marinette and Max and Nino ended up in Chloe’s class the trio made a simple pack on sight—aviod her at all costs.
Why?
Max is fairly certain Marinette is some type of meta. Fairly. She’s still the only person on his level close to his age, so he isnt saying anything.
Nino doesnt share this suspicion, but she’s close with Sabrina, who’s dad keeps checking in on him and Marinette’s family way more than the other stidents at Dupont. Nino doesnt like this, and by proxy, Chloe is horrible.
Marinette thinks Chloe and Sabrina could out her and aviods them to prevent this.
Their teacher sees this and decides to ignore the mandate to keep Max and Marinette And Chloe and Sabrina as science partners in every situation by switching things up.
Max hates working with Chloe—she keeps foddling and talking about fashion when its chemistry class. Focus on the lesson you heathen
Marinette works well with Sabrina (both organized) but she is extremely uncomfortabke with this as Raincomprix starts asking her for help on cases out in the open. Woth science and she has to fake not knowing about them. He takes forever to catch on that her mom doesnt know, and would be pissed if she knew.
Raincomprix then uses his daughter as an inbetween for his and marinette’s joint ‘solve the coldcase’ game. Sabrina gets involved to practice english and science, and finds out she’s good at finding overlooked clues.
As you can guess, this leads to Sabrina and Chloe joining the group.
Marinette and chloe talk fashion sometimes, Chloe critics her color pallettes and stitches. Also her choice to use rogues as inspiration becuase “arent they bad guys?”
“Eh? I think theyre just bad at getting the help they need.”
“Didnt joker kill people?”
“That was mostly mr. J. Easy mistake.”
“...okay...”
This curbs a decent amount of Chloe’s bullyign early on. Chloe is not borderline meta in this, just fixated on fashion to an insane degree—she knows everything about all aspects of the industry but cant design from scratch. Her mom looks down on her for this.
Chloe is also how the group know of ‘adrikins’ who is her prince and will marry her someday or be her forever family, uncertain which.
Alix gets along well with chloe as she needs someone to be salty with when Kim is being an idiot and Marinette is too nice and it goes over Max’s head and Nino is... there is some doubt if he’s scared of Kim or just really respects him.
Sabrina and Max cannot be left alone under any circumstances though. They will try to outsmart each other. Sabrina via legal things, Max via facts and trivia. Marinette is used as their buffer, much to her frustration as she does have designing to do guys!
Kim is showing signs of a crush. Marinette has not noticed as has a secret identity to keep, rogue family to manage from another country, other people’s secret identites to keep (she blames Tim.) so many languages to learn and practice and to top it off, friends to keep from killing each other during school. She has a lot on her plate, ok?
So that summer was more rogue sheneigans and dodging heroes while being herself and forcing her Father to cook with her—mostly Great Uncle Wang’s recipes.
“I am being bossed around by a child. In my own kitchen.”
“You were the one that claimed me as yours. I demand compensation in bonding time.”
“Uh, Mr. Smith was it? My neice suggested a aimple soup seeing as you are a... novice.”
This lead to an oddity for the Science Rogues—Mr. Freeze, Scarecrow, Strange and Riddler—getting into cooking wars. Only the RKC knew how and Not one of them would spill, only looking at Marinette who was smiling as she said “my great uncle did that!”
This also left the four with less plotting to destroy gotham time. It worked out for the most part.
If she got bored (and she does) she visits Ivy and helps out in the greenhouse or her the wayne’s gardens. Rose now has her own plants sprawling about gotham (marinette dropped fast grow seeds) so she can escape the Greenhouse and move about Gotham without mama bear Ivy trying to take over the city while looking for her teen-appearing child.
Frost was busy with college and so was Ghoul, so she hung out more with Puzzles due to proximity. Puzzles got it in his head to prank Hero Stalker and Batman. Marinette tried to talk him out of it, she did.
It failed. And somehow it was a night with Batgirl and Nightwing/old Robin trying to help Batman with his grief over the last robin who died. The new robin had yet to be revealed, but she noticed hero stalker was more motivated lately. She knew she couldnt stop him—he’s a year older than her and probably rich. (And she’s not supposed to exist...)
So Puzzles pretends to be Riddler and lures them into an old tv set. They were not expecting it to be a hideout for a gang.
And if Marinette was in an old Harley Quinn outfit with a hammer her size to match, well... disguise?
Harley realized what was happening when she checked the groupchat and no one knew where they pair was until Rose was pestered for a bit to have her plants check.
They went into a drug den and the batfam was with them. Fuck.
Puzzles and her get out of there when the realize what’s up. Why? Guns and not being invulnerable.
Marinette is worried though and hides and may hit one of the armed men hard enough to fly across the room.
Puzzles stares at her. She flies to tackle him and grumbles about sunlight messing with her meds again.
Nightwing caught that, realizes who knock off harley is, and guns for the kids. Only there are more goons now and—shit. Where did the kids go?
Batfam took down the gang.
Harley is seen in her car a few blocks away with... are those kids? It trends on social media that Harley has a daughter who’s grounded for messing amwith gangs.
The Council meets to scold Marinette and try to get the story straight.
Dent snorts when he finds out they were just going to silly string the batfam and slime them on camera. The camera was busted in the fight though...
Hero stalker freaks out about the whole thing and tells the pair off. “You almost died!”
“He said my dad was dumb! It was a matter of honor!”
Hero stalker is Done with Puzzles and tries to talk sense into Marinette, who says its her job to keep him from dying, ok?
Hero Stalker/Tim is upset but kind of gets it from watching Batman. Sometimes your partner does dumb things and you have to keep them safe y going along with the dumb thing.
Riddler puts them in a puzzle maze for a week. Marinette figures it out and goes in and out of it to make it look like she’s still trapped.
Strange rolls his eyes as yes, this is his daughter. Yes, she is smarter than Riddler.
Ed Nygma the other hand is keeping Puzzles grounded for another week. He lets Marinette visit to check up on his and Riddler’s states since they share a body and all.
Harley is still lecturing Marinette and gets her to agree shell at least tell Rose when something is up from then on.
Rose puts a plant on marinette. I am not joking, she puts a vine on marinette’s arm to keep her safe and make her take her meds since “you cant fly otherwise nets. And put in your earplugs!”
At somepoint there may be a case of music master making an appearance, but idk if it should be marinette is immune due to earplugs or marinette gets dragged into being seen by the league AND rogues at once and they bith try to grab a very freaked out Marinette who flies back to france where Max is mid-panic since she needs someone to talk to and uh, she figures he knows most of it so, help. She needs logic and hers is shot at the moment.
Next time we get more of a quick fic on marinette’s training with Zsasz as a kid.
#maribat#maribat au#bio!dad strange#bio!dad au#marinette strange dupain cheng#marinette strange dupain cheng part 5#my au#my ideas
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Zeus, Hera, Artemis, Aphrodite, and Hestia for your choice of f/o('s)? (@holy-heck-i-love-my-fo)
[♡ greek mythology self ship asks]
Zeus: How did you first meet your f/o(s)? How did you feel about each other at first?
god ok gotta tell this story again lmao
ok 4 context its halloween. i volunteer @ haunted house bc i have free time and a little extra money couldnt hurt. im just supposed to be a part of the setup crew but one of the actresses hurt her ankle that night so i had to fill in and i rlly didnt want to but it was whatever. things were going pretty well?? until these two (cuteass) douchebags are in and one of them is obviously scared hes clutching onto his taller best friends and is glaring at everything that moves but hes visibily on edge. i figure its an easy scare and it would b super funny until i pop out as planned and he punches the absolute shit out of my chest and it Hurts. his friend starts laughing at him which he obviously doesnt take well at all so they get to arguing in the middle of the hallway for some reason??? its definitely turning a few heads, so i try to butt in and before i can get back up on my own the taller douchebag 2 (d2) is kinda like halfassedly extending his hand out to me?? as if to say u can take my help or not idc but i do anyways and get back up. they turn 2 leave or whatever 2 get to the end of this stupid thing but i realise d2 left his weird looking glasses so i kinda hold onto them until my shift is over since i cant rlly just stop to give them back? anyways my shift is over and im out of costume and everything but i still have the guys shades, thankfully the two didnt go too far bc i was able to catch up 2 them. remember tht moment i had where they first entered and i thought they were cute as hell?? yea. now tht im out of costume/makeup theyre having the exact same realisation. i give the guy his shades back and find out his name is sollux, the shorter guy (i learned his name was karkat) actually apologises to me 4 hitting me bc of reflex but hes kinda mumbling it with his arms crossed (which is adorable) so i obviously gotta forgive him. again they Both think im cute (which is mutual) so sollux actually mentions he was thinking about ditching the group the two of them came with bc theyre lame or something and im kinda like. their replacement anyways we go 2 a cursed ass dennys at 12am and vibe in solluxs car. fast forward and we're in love
Hera: How did you first start your romantic relationship with your f/o(s)? How did the way you feel about each other evolve to get to that point?
it was a whole lot of mutual pining (more lowkey on my side, Very much highkey on their side) and competition with some extremely gay undertones from them towards each other because they both knew the other liked me, it happened bc sollux made a joke to tease karkat along the lines of "hes just acting tht way bc he likes you" and karkat got Extremely defensive and replied with smth like "well you like them too you useless dick" which got them arguing (i say arguing lightly). i had 2 throw a couch pillow at them to get them to quiet down enough for me to tell them i like them too
Artemis: Do you have any LGBT+ headcanons for you f/o(s)? Do you share these identities? Feel free to share anything else special about your LGBT+ identities.
sollux is bi and nonbinary tht uses he/they!! and karkat is a bi trans guy on the ace spectrum!! we have all transed our gender :)
Aphrodite: How do you and your f/o(s) like to show love to each other? Feel free to include your love languages, if you find that helpful.
I AM VERY MUCH TOUCH. i demand it. i dont Care what your doing stop being cranky Cuddle Me or i will lay on you (unless they rlly dont wanna i know the signs when 2 back off) i also like to spoil the two of them in expensive stuff whenever i can save up for it and they always yell @ me for "wasting" my money on them lmao (but not too much because they know i cant give handmade stuff im way too insecure in my artistic abilities for that)
karkats love language is acts of service and handmade things (if notes count as that) because he is horrible with words unless he writes them down where he can erase and reword things. he cant erase when he talks. hes sappy so rarely he'll give me little lovenotes because sometimes conveying his affection is easier for him that way instead of talking (theres always aggressive eraser marks on the paper). i like to reassure him that he doesnt have to make any changes because ill appreciate it just as much regardless and its slowly starting to sink in (he doesnt overthink what he writes down that much anymore) also its cute bc he does tht cute little thing tsunderes do where they shove the paper into their love interests chest and doesnt look them in the eye while they do it its the cutest shit
solluxs love language is quality time(? if you can call it that) actually!! he doesnt tolerate a whole lot of peoples presence so when he lets me or karkat hold him/lay on him while he does smth else its a huge sign of love and trust, we r usually doing our own things during it (he'll be on his switch/on his laptop and i'll be on my phone) but being physically close to one another in a comfortable silence means so much
Hestia: What makes you and your f/o(s) feel at home?
this sounds so cheesy???? but each other. we've gotten so used to each other that in any unfamiliar place/situation if we are together we'll be alright
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oh yall thought i was done x posting? lol. kamui character rant under the cut
the thing about kamui is i dont know that hes a very deep character??atleast not how clamp has written him and esp not in the manga.
he spends a lot of the manga being confused and often manipulated. and hes really just a kid.
his first big character arc is debastardization basically. when hes introduced hes a TOTAL asshole (the anime added scenes to make him more of a dick at the start but also has a bit of an explaination? ill get to it). hes shown as very rude to everyone around him, yelling at people to get out of his way or get lost, including his previous friends. hes also shown to have absolutely no care for his surrondings and regularly fights and uses his powers in places where bystanders could be injured and leaving roads bridges or nearby buildings in ruins. when confronted about the latter by hinotos knight (his name is saiki) he straight up says he doesnt care if anyone gets hurt. which i mean ok nothing wrong with a character being an asshole. the extreme in your face way kotori and fuuma describe kamui as a kid being very shy and Very quiet and gentle makes this characterization confusing but hey people can change i guess. the confusing part is that as kamui slowly beings to let his guard down he says that the big reason he was so standoffish especially wrt kotori and fuuma was because he wanted to keep them at a distance so they wouldnt get involved with all the end of the world stuff. which makes sense obviously! kamui was absolutely aware of how dangerous it might get. his entire plan was to get the shinken (the sacred sword) and bail because he didnt want any part of any of it. what i dont get is why he was totally cool with bystanders being injured or killed. during his fight with saiki they were in a neighborhood! on people roofs and shit!! saiki is the one to lead them to an abandoned construction site so no one gets caught in the crossfire. and kamui almost kills saiki!!! which i will let slide a bit because kamui was being followed and had been attacked by spells literally that morning. but later on he apologizes to saiki but never explained his reasoning why he didnt care about destroying peoples houses??? and its never brought up again?????? also theres a scene added to the anime where he kicks the shit out of kotori and fuumas dad??? because he wouldnt give kamui the sword?? bro thats ur best friends dad you jackass!!!!!
in the anime they added flashbacks for the time after he moved away from tokyo which i think make his whole character make much more sense. when he first moves and goes to a new school he accidentally uses his powers and makes everyone afraid of him. fast forward past elementary school to high? school? its unclear. at school hes a lazy slacker that never goes to class and never talks to anyone, big ol loner. he sees that a local gang has been stealing kids money and beating them up. so he decides to put on a tough guy persona and confront the gang telling them to knock it off and scaring them shitless with some fun ass kicking psychokenesis. now i am SO on board with this addition. kamui being ostrisized for being weird and scary when hes already a super shy kid, so he embraces this scary intimidating image and tries using it for good because hes still ultimately kind hearted. he gets too absorbed in this tough guy persona that he loses touch with the original purpose of it and just uses it as a shield because he himself is afraid and confused. and maybe even hiding behind it because hes so afraid of having this huge destiny that he doesnt know if he can live up to and how can someone who decides the fate of the world be just some quiet oversensitive guy.
except all of that is my own speculation and analysis because they really do not go into ANY detail about this. i wouldnt say its to the point where it feels like they just flipped a switch and hes nice now but it def feels like that. and it annoys me because after he kind of apologizes for being a dick it doesnt really get brought up again?? i think he broods over it once or twice. but i would have really liked to see flashes of it coming back in high stress situations or something? he has a lot of points of grief and depression but its always meloncholic rather than angry and it really makes him feel like two different characters i wish it was way more of a mix.
anger would also be good with the whole overarching theme of trying to break out of the path destined for you. its constantly said that theres only one future by the dreamgazers although hinoto wants to change it. its supposed destined that kamui will lose and earth will be destroyed. anger but more importantly PASSION is whats needed break out of what has been preordained and to carve your own path. passion is also whats needed for the main part of the second half of kamuis character arc, figuring out what it is he REALLY wants. what his true wish is.
i also think anger could have been a good inverse to the deliberate mirroring of kamuis character and subarus character. subaru really represents despair and being completely swallowed by grief. his story is that the man he fell in love with (named seishiro) was just manipulating him for fun and is actually an emotionless assassian. subaru is so destroyed by this realization he goes into a depression and because of this is unable to save his sister being killed by seishiro. his goal is literally to be enough of a nusance to seishiro that hell kill him. literally he wants to be acknowledged as important enough to bother killing. its pointed out often how subaru and kamui are so similar, with how fuuma killed kotori, and how theyre both kindhearted ro a fault. its an intentional reflection. subaru even pulls kamui out of a similar depressive state after kotori dies. he and kamui have a whole heart to heart about how some peoples happiness can look pitiful to others and how hes going to fufill his goals even when other people are worried for him. and most importantly about how not everyone can be happy with an outcome. i think it would have been really good for subaru to represent someone overcome with depression about how awful the world is and paralyzed with that sadness and kamui would be the rightous anger and compassion needed to actually change the world. “lets this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair” you know? it would have been a really good parallel considering part of x’s themes are literally about having compassion for humanity. but that reading possibly shoots itself in the foot because the language used wrt the two possible futures are things to stay as they are or for a “revolution” to occur, meaning killing everyone to let the earth heal. so ideas of change are insinuated to be connected with the seven angels and genocide. which uh. not going to get into that.
i do like when he starts going to the clamp school he goes back to being shy and quiet and kind of gets pushed around by people with more force of personality. very fun uncomfortably relatable. its ok man im extremely passive too.
anyway final thoughts kamui needs more passion. clamp give me the rights. also let subaru and kamui hang out and have a brotherly bond. no creepy shit. just subaru being an akward older brother that knows what kamuis going thru and gives bad advice bc he has god awful coping mechanisms.
side note we arent ever told about his likes/dislikes hobby or anything of that nature. the blankest of slates. so my city now. i think hes into obscure indie music and has thousands of hours in various life sim games like animal crossing and stardew valley.
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So since you explained Chara's surface life can you tell about life Underground? Like how they adjusted and stuff.
heLL yeah, I think they really liked the underground! minor talk of suicide and depression as a warning, as it comes with the territory
I always interpreted that Chara climbed the mountain to die, but upon surviving and breaking their arm they got really scared ( because theyre, y’know, a child), and when asriel found them and brought them to his parents they basically scooped that child up and immediately tended to their injuries.
For a little bit they just kinda sat in bed and didn’t speak to any of the Dreemurrs, and when Toriel or Asgore would come into the room they’d turn away from them and not answer any questions. Toriel kept leaving food in the room for them to eat as they weren’t comfortable around them yet ( and its why Toriel leaves the food on the ground for Frisk, a habit formed). For a good week Chara did not speak to them, but they still tried to care for the child and do the best they could.
Asriel eventually got them to open up because he kept putting toys on the bed ( he had given up his bed for Chara and was sleeping with his parents to give them privacy), and he kept trying to read them books and draw them stuff. He kept putting stuffed animals on their head and scribbling them in crayon and leaving poorly written notes to them through the door, which made them warm up to him --- it wasn’t something they ever experience before, being sought out by another person, someone wanting to make friends.
Chara’s first big gesture was bringing their dish out into the kitchen once they were done eating, and everybody was very surprised to see them. Soon Asriel tried eating with them in their room, and though they still didn’t talk they allowed the presence in the room.
It took about three weeks, before Chara would speak. The Dreemurrs hadn’t told anybody about Chara yet, because they still didn’t know what they were going to do. They were partially afraid that humans were going to be coming looking for them, and was partially preparing for any sort of attack.
The first thing Chara ever said to them was their name. They actually chose Chara from one of the books that was in Asriel’s room, an astrology book that talked about a star named Chara, which in (latin? greek?) meant “Joy”.
Once Chara got a bit braver, they were made a special spot in the family; they built a bed for them in Asriel’s room, changed their clothes ( Chara ends up just borrowing one of Toriel’s shirts, which is why their shirt covers their pants and legs). Asriel began to show them around HOME and the RUINS, and when they felt like they could, they were introduced to the underground.
Within a month, they started to feel safe within the underground, and got back a bit of their energy and life; they missed a few things, like feeling the sunlight on their face or seeing the flowers in their hometown. They tried to explain what the golden flowers were like, but Asriel only thought about buttercups, which were never the same. The golden flowers made nice tea.
They liked a lot about the underground, however; how small it was, and how people treated them, and how they were able to go wherever they wanted because it was hard to get lost and there was always someone looking out for the prince and their new friend. They liked feeling snow for the first time and building their first snowman, and they liked chasing froggits in Waterfall and wading knee-deep in waters and then getting scolded for coming home wet. They liked going crystal gazing and beating Asriel with cattails, and they liked the view from the Capital.
They liked that Asriel would read books to them and set up all their stuffed animals as he did ‘’magic tricks’’ for them. They were a bit confused by the advanced technology of the Underground, as they had both the time and magical capabilities to forward their machines faster than humans, so things like camcorders and basic computers were already made. Chara saw their first video when Asriel showed them a home video they made about their oc, GOD OF HYPERDEATH. Chara had their first ever piece of chocolate when a crate was found floating in the landfill, and they salvaged them by dumping them in the snow before they were fully melted in the wrappers. Asriel taught them how to use a stove and laughed when Chara asked what an elevator was.
They weren’t used to affection, and were ashamed and embarrassed by it. They would kick and flinch when anybody tried to hug them, and didn’t know how to respond to ‘’i love you’’s or goodnight kisses for a very long time. They laughed in uncomfortable situations and smiled when they were scared, but Asriel learned to understand these things before Toriel or Asgore, whom he would scold when they’d try to hug Chara unprompted.
Eventually, Chara learned to show affection in their own way; by drawing things for them, by picking Asriel up or making funny faces. Chara also had a knack for scaring people, and would try to scare their family often by jumping from corners and hiding in dark rooms, because they thought it was funny.
Their diet grew to enjoy underground-based foods, and they grew used to sharing things with Asriel, but still had a fear of things being taken away. Their personality shifted underground from what it was above ground, to somebody a bit more reserved and sometimes distant, but Asriel really liked that about them, because they listened to him a lot and would make him laugh without even saying anything, just by their actions alone they were who they were to them. Nobody grew as close to Chara as a the Dreemurrs did, and they tried to speak Chara’s silent language back to them; friendship necklaces, baking their favorite foods, framing their photos and drawings. By a year, Chara had become a Dreemurr, and though they still struggled, and were sometimes aggressive, and had nightmares every night and would sometimes not stop crying no matter what anybody did, they were very happy underground.
Their anger was just as a part of them as everything else, too. Though they were quiet, they were easily agitated too, due to trauma. Not directed at anybody, but just an aggression bottled up inside them, that they’d take out on themself and on objects, would scribble obscene things to attempt to hurt and enrage themself, would destroy their own things to make themself upset. Their aggression was accepted just like every other part of themself, though they tried to get better coping mechanisms for Chara, like drawing happy things when they were upset or taking them on walks when they were mad so they could kick snow. They never hurt Asriel, or anybody in the underground, because their rage wasn’t because of them. Maybe sometimes they’d act rude to them when they were angry, but Chara never lifted a fist at any of them.
Altogether, they were rather happy, and content in the underground. And even when they weren’t, they still preferred being down there than being up here, ha ha
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enyu’s mom calls him "公子哥" is he rich or is this a JOKE LOL and his mom is at a bar IM CRYING HAHA
i just get a feeling youku eliminated shiwei for dramatic effect...
but aw xue en crying over weihao and mxy saying star master kids are all worthy to lin mo
L O L i was gonna be like oh thats nice enyu’s dad asked about his friends, he’s really been paying attention but then he starts throwing these
L O L I SEE WHERE HE GETS HIS REALNESS FROM HAHAHHAHA
LOL NOW HE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS
omg xikan wanting to call luo zheng!!!! im grateful theyre still close, theyre doing such different things now
awww mubo !!! being all supportive and protective of zuo ye
hHAHAHA omg fan yu talking on the phone to renyu is so cute, so expressive with the gasp when renyu says they just recorded elims and then the AHHHH and OH MY GOD when he says he and zaixi were eliminated and the ALSKJLAKS and loud sigh when renyu reveals he just tricked him hahahaha theyre so cute omg can fan yu pls show up at the next perf, id die
lin ran’s “new world new me” im cry
lol renyu’s getting roasted by his team mates but at least they didnt really ditch him
what is this set up anyway? theyre given a mission to leave, so theyre allowed to run around... but not? who planned this lol youku......
LOL jin fan tryin to reason why theyll be ok going to guangzhou
did their group just get special permission bc director li hao?
hahaha ayyy zhan yu jumped first, you go child! not surprised somehow that he’d love it
lin mo’s group went to the same place? LOL but also they seem so much more under control LOL such a guai group
LOL WHY ARE THEY SO LOUD HAHAHAH i dont think ive ever seen people that loud on a roller coaster LOL
LOL why am i not surprised enyu is the one carrying xzx
i cant with xzx and his heelys omg
leave it to csp to relate bungee jumping to some great deeper meaning for zlj’s personal growth hahahah but good on the kid for going through with it. interesting that zixin said he sees himself in zlj so much
HAHAHHAHA THIS FACE
when reminded he’s the hormone representative his face changed so fast im crying
ycw is laughing his butt off and i love how it says “children’s playground” in the background
when ycw gets thoroughly ignored
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA OSCAR’S SSHHHHHHHH AND XUE EN TELLS HIM TO WATCH HIS “LANGUAGE LANGUAGE” HAHAHAHHA
i just realized theres an english speaking line in this group :’) syh, xue en, oscar
awwwwwwwwww them all planning to sing him happy birthday on the dot and setting it up so he can be at the top at that moment awwww thats so fun
LOL the way that oscar cursed his way to the top and is sweating so hard LOL the poor kid omg HAHAHHA
aw he can tell syh drew the card
LOL ITS OKAY OSCAR I STRUGGLE WITH READING TOO
get you a friend like ycw who’ll tell you that you can decide how to pronounce words right, just because its your birthday
struggling to read xue en’s handwriting LOL
HHAHAHAHHAHAHA HOW DOES XZX RECOGNIZE IT’S HUANG ENYU BY FEELING HIS PECS HAHAHHAHA
i feel the need to just say huang junrong looks so adorable in his bright yellow outfit hahah
there’s two types of kids in this group: hjr and enyu screaming their butts off, and lin mo and xzx wallowing in regret of their life decisions
hjr and enyu always saying its too short when the ride ends LOL
lin mo talking real talk over dinner about their feelings BC HES A REAL LEADER and knows how important it is to address this. these concerns are obviously very present in his mind, even when theyre out having fun to relax, and he’s still trying his best to figure out how he can help them and motivate them.
makes sense that they would include enyu interview clips bc hes surely spouting the real talk, but i think its interesting its mainly him and lin mo getting screen time.
enyu would be the one to speak up and say something when lin mo is trying to talk to them though. i think theyre both right though, im guessing lin mo is in part too nice, bc he doesnt feel comfortable enough with them to be as strict as he normally is, bc he knows they have reason to not be motivated and he feels bad for them. but at the same time, he brings up a good point that they themselves need to have their own motivation. it cant just be him putting in effort. and i HUGELY respect that he is telling this to them straight up bc its a hard conversation to have, esp bc im sure he wants them to like him as a friend. but i respect that he knows if they have problems they have to air them out bc lack of communication will be too costly.
momo is lucky he has someone like enyu on his team who’ll actually talk to him with real opinions rather than just hide in fear of disrupting the status quo. literally enyu is the one voicing that he doesnt want takeout and he doesnt want to stay up late, and other people agree, but the surprise on lin mo’s face just tells you that he wouldnt have even realized these are things that are bothering his teammates unless they straight up told him, and thankfully enyu did, bc lin mo thankfully is reasonable and willing to change his habits for the sake of the group TO HELP THEM. hes willing to do anything he can to help them, as long as they tell him what they want from him. huang enyu’s lesson in communication, dont let people guess, just tell them straight up
its interesting bc its clear enyu respects lin mo a lot, says he has the experience and the skill and the right to yell at them to get it together, but hes still not afraid to tell lin mo he thinks lin mo should be more strict with them. and then i respect lin mo for not backing down when being criticized and for strongly insisting that they need to put in effort themselves too. he cant force them to do anything they dont want to do themselves. they themselves have to want to do well.
lin mo is really out here taking care of his group of children and leading them and helping them and looking out for them and im just floored by his leadership yet again. i really hope they can pull it together.
lin mo is a dork and stanning him leads to mostly either second-hand embarrassment or disappointment. from qcyn to snzm, it just always feels like he’s being mistreated and taken advantage of and stepped on, and sad things just keep happening to him. but then he has these moments where he reminds you of why he’s worth stanning. why it’s worth waiting for something good to finally actually happen. and why he deserves those good things. its just so nice to see hes getting some appreciation and recognition for the things he does. at least youku let us see his leadership in action.
aw
totally not surprised akey is there to drive the conversation for their group’s real talk time. tyger co-leader translates clearly hahah
LOL LI HAO TOTALLY FORGOT THE SNZM DANCE LOL
im like not surprised xikan’s group got the least adventurous adventure bc hes not afraid to show how serious hes taking this competition, but also somehow still feel like hes not getting better treatment relative to being number one?? maybe im just overthinking
honestly all things considered im okay with this being the debut group
i mean i love ycw and zry but i feel like this makes sense to me.
this looks scary lol lin ran wyd
but yea even the way they framed the cliff hanger for next week... why do i just feel like xikan is not being treated with the respect he deserves??
anywayyyyyyyyyyyy for 少年營業中
LOL gz’s impression of zlj watching scary movies sounds so accurate im ded
zixin is so adorable!! i love his outfit too ahhah
LOL gz’s sassy response to zlj responding when xue en says he’s gonna talk about a cute trainee with highly regarded visuals
why am i totally not surprised xue en didnt get scared but zixin got scared AGAIN lol
why do i suddenly get the realization that we hardly ever see ycw and zlj interact
it just feels weird to see them together even tho they obviously have overlapping friend groups lol....
poor shiwei isnt even here and they keep talking about him LOL at least theyre not even really roasting him LOL ycw and yzx too nice for that
im just DYING at the cto gege’s laughing SO HARD HAHAHA
and ycw’s face LOL
xue en’s laugh made this ep worth it LOL
wow should i be happy that lin mo is finally in the next ep of this side show, or sad that jin fan never got to appear and itll be the last ep :( im also excited to see lin ran again! wow its weird to think that snzm is ending soon, it felt like the first 7 eps were like a slow burn and now its a mad rush to the end
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He saved me/ part 9
Summary: reader is in a abusive relationdhip. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.
Warning: this story will have smut, language, violence, abuse and torture. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not reading.
6 months later....
Me and bobby were sitting at the table eating the homemade lasanga and garlic bread i had made when his phone started to ring. He leaned over and with one hand snatched the phone from its cradle never faltering with his other hand that had a fork full of lasanga.
"Yeah?" Bobby said evenly. "Alright what time will you be in?" Bobby glanced my direction, i smiled warmly at him and he just stared. "Alright see you in a few."
He sighed when he hung up, "that was sam." I perked up at the mention of his name. I hadnt seen him in so long and to be honest i missed him. "Theyre going to stop by, need some info on a hunt."
I smiled, "thats great! I miss that boy." Then it hit me. "Wait, you said they. That means.."
He nodded, "yeah deans gonna be here too. Sam wanted to give you a heads up before they get here. Ya know, just in case you wanna bolt."
I thought about it long and hard, would seeing dean bring up all those old feelings ive been burying since i left? Would he even be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Would he even acknowledge i was here?
I sighed and gave him a small smile that im sure didnt reach my eyes. "Ill be alright bobby, ive got dinner dishes to do and plenty to keep me occupied. If i know dean hes gonna want food so ill fix them a plate when they get here then you wont even know im here."
We finished our dinner and when i stood to take our plates i asked, "what time will they be here?"
"Id say about another hour."
I nodded and made my way to the kitchen to get started on the dishes and to clean up.
An hour and a half later there was a knock on the door. I could hear from the kitchen.
"Hiya bobby." Sam said.
"Good to see ya boys." Bobby said sounding cheerful.
"Doing some spring cleaning bobby?" That was the voice that has haunted me for the past 6 months. I could almost smell him from where i stood. That comforting feeling blanketed me just by hearing his voice. I sighed to myself knowing he didnt know i was here.
I took the lasanga and plated a huge piece for sam and dean, along with placing the garlic bread in the basket from earlier. I took a deep breath and took my first steps out towards the boys.
I walked up behind them where they sat at the table, i set down the plates in front of them. Both men jerked in response then our eyes met.
"(Y/N)!" Sam jumped up from his spot at the table and engulfed me in a huge hug.
"Hey sammy, its good to see you." I was geniunely happy to see him.
He pulled back and inspected me, "you look great. How are you doing?"
"Better than i was last time you saw me." I said matter of factly and im sure dean knew what incident i was talking about.
"What the hell?" Dean said still in shock i think.
"Hey dean." I said in a flat tone. His brow furrowed at that.
"How long have you been here?" He asked.
"6 months." I said over my shoulder making my way to get their drinks. When i turned around from the fridge dean was standing there behind me.
"You have been here this whole time and never contacted me? Ive been going crazy not knowing where you were." Dean sounded mad, the nerve.
I straightend my spine to stand as tall as i could, "you made it pretty clear that night what you wanted."
"Damn it (Y/N), thats not fair."
I chuckled, "lifes not fair dean, you of all people should know that. Now go back and eat. I cant stand for food to be wasted."
"We are not done here." He said through gritted teeth.
I pushed past him but turned around right before i walked out. "Yeah dean, we are." With that i placed the drinks on the table and walked upstairs.
I changed into my running clothes the same ones i wore the night me and dean had sex. He thinks he has a hold on me well im going to remind him just what he walked out on.
I hopped down the stairs and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I hooked my ipod to my armband and slipped my tennis shoes on. All eyes focused on me when i walked into the dining room.
"Im going for a run, dont stay up to late old man." I walked over to bobby and kissed his cheek.
He smiled up at me "be careful."
"Dont worry, ill be fine." I looked to sam and dean and didnt fail to notice the lust in his eyes. "If you boys are gone before i get back, its been nice seeing ya again."
Sam stood and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Dean didnt move didnt even look at me. I slapped him on the shoulder, "see ya deano."
With that i made my way outside. I started stretching my muscles when i got out in the warm air. I was getting ready to start my run when i heard the front door open behind me.
"(Y/N), we need to talk." Deans voice sent a chill up my spine but i tried my best to ignore it. I closed my eyes and sighed as i turned towards him.
"Have you found parker yet?"
Dean shook his head.
"Then we have nothing to talk about." I said as i started walking up the driveway. Dean was close behind me.
"Yes we do. You cant run from me forever."
I picked up my pace to a light jog, "tell ya what. If you can keep up we can talk."
I started running faster, i knew dean didnt do running. I heard him huffing then stop all together. I smiled over my shoulder at him then put my ear buds in and cranked up my music.
When i got back to bobbys an hour later the impala was still parked in the driveway. I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. I heard the guys talking in the living room then i heard my name come up.
"I dont know what to do. (Y/N) just wont talk to me." That was dean.
"Maybe she will come around. I mean you walked out on her at the worst time in her life." I recognized that as sam. He was taking up for me.
"Did she never mention anything to you? I mean she has been here for half a year." Dean asked bobby.
"She never talked to me about anything. I wasnt going to force her." Bobby said sounding aggitated.
"You mean to tell me after all this time you two living under the same roof nothing has come up about that night?"
I heard a glass slam down on the table. "You calling me a liar?"
I figured id show my face before it got more heated. "Im back, gonna grab a shower then head to bed."
Bobby nodded and i dashed up the stairs before anyone could say anything else. After my shower i walked down stairs to get a bottle of water. The guys were talking about some kind of lore and really didnt pay me no mind.
I walked back upstairs but instead of going to bed i went into the other spare room and started sorting files and cleaning up.
I almost had all the files organized and in their own seperate piles, i just had to put them in the file cabinet. A certain file caught my eye, the name sounded so familiar. Patrick windsor, i opened the file and gasped. It was parkers father.
I started reading through the file and it had all kinds of locations where he had been at and owned. Apparently patrick was a demon as well, working for lucifer himself. I was so focused on the file that i didnt hear someone approaching.
"Couldnt sleep?" Deans rough voice sounded from the doorway. I looked up and he was sipping yet another beer.
"No, i came up here to sort through all of this." I said in a flat tone, hoping he would just go away. I didnt want to discuss anything with dean right now. Instead he walked in and took a seat in the chair right across from me.
He didnt say a word, just sat there watching me. After a few minutes it started to get under my skin. "Why are you in here?" I asked a little snippy.
He smiled, "for you." I rolled my eyes and continued placing the files in different stacks. "Come on (Y/N), you cant ignore me forever."
"Its worked for six months."
He sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to where i was sitting on the floor. I thought he might leave but instead he sat down next to me.
"I know i hurt you, but i was only looking out for your well being." He ran a hand through his hair, "ive learned that in this life we dont get love. We dont get happily ever afters. A hunter can retire and ward off whats out there. Like bobby, he lost his wife a long time ago and has never got close to anyone since. A hunters family and loved ones are never safe."
I nodded letting him talk, this is a side that i doubt many people ever saw of dean. I felt a little honored that he would open up to me, so i let him continue.
"That night when you told me you loved me it scared the hell out of me. Not because i dont want you, because you have already been through so much. You cant and shouldnt fall for me. Youre just going to get hurt or worse."
I nodded and placed the file i was holding down beside me. "I understand where youre coming from, but you cant push everyone away dean."
He shook his head, "i dont think you do. I tried the whole leave this life behind and have a family thing. She had a son, i thought of him like my own. I loved her and for a minute i was happy. Then a demon possesed her and tried to kill her right in front of me and her son. We got her to the hospital and cas healed her but i also asked him to take away all of lisa and bens memories of me. That was hard to see a woman and kid i loved look at me a different way than they had that morning. Never knowing who i was, but it was better for them, if i had never came into their lives in the first place it wouldnt have happened. So i just made things right, the way they shouldve been."
A silent tear fell from my eyes hearing dean talk about what he has went through. I now truly understood his hesitance about getting close to people. Instead of making me hate him it made me love him that much more, but i could never act upon it again. He downed the rest of his beer and sat the bottle down next to his leg.
"Dean, im sorry for everything you have went through. I have never had someone who truly loved me so i wouldnt know how that feels." I figured since he opened up to me it was only fair that i do the same. "At first i thought parker loved me. I just got so blinded by his words. I never had a family i was in the system until i was 15, then i ran away and never looked back. I was prostituting to make rent and for a little food, then i met parker. He took me in, sweet talked me, made empty promises on marrying me having children and having anything i would ever wanted. I fell for it and that has led me to where i am now."
"You can still have that life. Get married, have a family."
I shook my head, "no parker done so much damage to me that he destroyed the chance of me ever having children."
He opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "I never knew what love was, until i met you. Youre just so easy to fall for, but i know now that you dont feel the same way."
"(Y/N)....."
"Let me finish." He nodded and i continued. "Just because you dont love me doesnt make you less of a person. Youre a great guy and i hope one day you can prove youself wrong."
He looked down at the floor, when he looked up his eyes had tears in them. I placed a hand on his that he had on his leg. "Its okay dean, dont beat yourself up." Just as he was about to say something sam appeared in the doorway.
"I think we may have something on parker."
@an-unhealthy-obsession
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all 100 questions but ONLY if you want to or have the time to do it :3
hello tumblr dot com
i skipped the ones i didnt want to or didnt know how to answer also im gkdfngkdf sorry i dont think this is very amusing to read and gosh i hope the readmore works
1. What is you middle name?
dont have one ✌️
2. How old are you?
19
3. When is your birthday?
uhhhhhhhh april 19th but dont tell anyone
4. What is your zodiac sign?
aries
5. What is your favorite color?
GREEN
6. What’s your lucky number?
i dont think i have one? 25 is pretty cool tho
7. Do you have any pets?
not currently :(
8. Where are you from?
ukraine ✌️
9. How tall are you?
5’4 i think?? idk we use meters here
10. What shoe size are you?
i have no idea
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
more than 7 idk the exact number akjfnkdgndkf
12. What was your last dream about?
i was lost in a video game maize and it was green thats all i remember
13. What talents do you have?
singing i guess??
14. Are you psychic in any way?
if “sending the exact same message as my partner at the exact same time” counts then yeah i guess
15. Favorite song?
phoenix by burnout syndromes is GOOD
16. Favorite movie?
mamma mia here we go again (2018)
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
my partner is my ideal partner uwu
19. Do you want a church wedding?
nooooo
20. Are you religious?
not really? i think god might exist but i dont vibe with any religion i know of
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
haha yeah twice
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
not yet
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
nah
24. Baths or showers?
showerrrrrrrrrr
25. What color socks are you wearing?
baby blue with blue snowflakes hehe
26. Have you ever been famous?
do i look like
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
i would like my music to be known but being a celebrity myself sounds exhausting
28. What type of music do you like?
ah yes my two favorite genres, haikyuu ost and lemon demon
but in general my music taste is a bit of everything i think. i dont vibe with everything but i do vibe with a lot
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
i have no idea what this means and im too scared to google
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
a single pillow
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
no idea
32. How big is your house?
its just an apartment and theres like. two rooms, kitchen, and a bathroom. so. not that big i guess but not the smallest either kgjdfnkgd
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
sandwichesssssss
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
nah
35. Have you ever tried archery?
when i was in middle school my friend and i would pick up sticks and make bows out of them and use other sticks as arrows and it was really cool
36. Favorite clean word?
love
37. Favorite swear word?
shit
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
about 48 hours
39. Do you have any scars?
if you count 1 or 2 scars from chickenpox then i guess
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
gdnkfgdfgdf i guess you could say that
41. Are you a good liar?
apparently no kgjdfkjgndfkg
42. Are you a good judge of character?
nope!
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
i can do a ukrainian accent i guess and also say some words with a british accent but thats it i think
44. Do you have a strong accent?
i dont think so
45. What is your favorite accent?
i love languages ok every accent is so fascinating to study
46. What is your personality type?
infp-t i think
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
i dont think i have any expensive clothes, theyre mostly second hand kgjdnfkgd
48. Can you curl your tongue?
i guess??
50. Left or right handed?
rightie
51. Are you scared of spiders?
i like observing them from a safe distance but i dont particularly enjoy being close to them
52. Favorite food?
fried chicken,,
53. Favorite foreign food?
i like ramen but im not sure if the one i tried was a real one or not
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
it depends!
55. Most used phrases?
quotes from songs
56. Most used word?
love
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
QUITE A WHILE KDNDKDBDN
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
i dont eat lollipops gkjdfngkjdf
60. Do you talk to yourself?
yeah a lot
61. Do you sing to yourself?
yeah a lot kjdkdndks
62. Are you a good singer?
people say that yes
63. Biggest Fear?
losing my friends
64. Are you a gossip?
nah
66. Do you like long or short hair?
cutting my hair real short,,,,, my biggest most unattainable dream 😔😔😔
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
i am. not american ksnkdnddk
68. Favorite school subject?
math
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
introvert
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
never
71. What makes you nervous?
everything
72. Are you scared of the dark?
yeah
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
i used to but not anymore
74. Are you ticklish?
y yeah why are you asking
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
nah
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
i was my class representative in middle school but nobody ever listened to what i say and i didn't really say anything and i was only doing it because nobody else wanted to and our teacher thought im very responsible so this probably doesn't count
77. Have you ever drank underage?
yeah but only with my family and ive never gotten drunk
78. Have you ever done drugs?
no
79. Who was your first real crush?
haha let's just say they didn't like me back
80. How many piercings do you have?
just my ears and i regret it
81. Can you roll your Rs?
yeah man im slavic kdndkdn
82. How fast can you type?
real fast
83. How fast can you run?
not real fast 😔
84. What color is your hair?
dark brown
85. What color are your eyes?
dark green
86. What are you allergic to?
idk i used to have some allergies i don't have anymore and i know im still allergic to something but idk what it is
87. Do you keep a journal?
i used to! but it got too exhausting and time consuming
89. Do you like your age?
not really
90. What makes you angry?
injustice
91. Do you like your own name?
yeah willy is a good name :)
94. What are you strengths?
i think im a good listener
95. What are your weaknesses?
do you want in alphabetical order or
96. How did you get your name?
from jay :)) (thank u Jay)
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
i doubt it
100. Color of your room?
white kdbdkdb
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