#patreon won but not by much so I have some ideas for what I can do with kofi later!
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Liro returns next week! :D
#she's on her way to the gym#pokemon#XYLiro#pokemon xy#art#allartstuff#ownstuff#oh yeah I'm also setting up my patreon finally#it's up I just don't want to share it until I've posted enough stuff on it to feel ok with doing that sdkfhs#but by next week it should be ready I think :D#patreon won but not by much so I have some ideas for what I can do with kofi later!
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can you please do a plus size reader insecure with dean winchester?
Perfect
Dean Winchester x plus size!Reader
Words: about 2.1k words
Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy times since we are talking about Dean so they are obviously there.
Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea and I hope you like how it came out!
p.s. I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. Ever since I was a little girl, I was never a very skinny kid, and on more than one occasion I was teased by my classmates when I was in middle school, so I let myself go and put a little bit of me in the one-shot.
Always remember that it is normal to have good days and bad days, but the important thing is not to let the bad days have it. Keep fighting until the end, because losing a battle does not matter, what is important is to win the war. Everyone is perfect and beautiful in their own way, and your body does not define the person you are.
In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.
Requests are open I Ask
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You look at that slice of cake for the umpteenth time, and you can't help but hear that voice in your head again, evil, whispering all your lifelong insecurities.
Dean has been talking to a girl at the counter for a few minutes, and you can't help but notice how thin she is compared to you, how beautiful she is by the standards society imposes today, standards you have never respected.
You were never a very skinny girl, in fact from a very young age you had your curves, but that never appeared to be a problem until that obnoxious part of your life where children grow up and become teenagers, and that makes them bad there.
For the first time you realized at the age of eleven that your physique was different from the other girls near you, and for the first time you felt different, and that feeling you know deep down never went away.
You tried a thousand diets, and just as many exercises to lose weight, but it almost seemed as if your body didn't want to, so you learned to live with your body. In the beginning it was not easy, you had to face many battles, some you won and some you lost, but somehow your bitter enemy, the figure that is reflected in the mirror every morning, watching you live, judging all the actions you do, is always with you and you cannot get rid of it.
When you first met Dean you were sure that he would not give you a second glance, and that in the event nothing more than a simple friendship would arise as much as you were attracted to the attractive hunter, but against all expectations, only after a few months of knowing you he asked you out and confessed that he was madly in love with you, and that he could no longer live a second of his life. It had been such a strange moment: he was going on and on about all the romantic movies, books, and TV series he had seen himself during that time to find the perfect way to tell you everything he felt and that he finally did it in the bathroom of a movie theater after you had been attacked by a demon while watching a movie; on the contrary, you had remained silent the whole time, wondering how such a handsome, kind, funny, caring, and any other positive adjective in the human vocabulary, man could feel anything for you.
You had realized you were stuck, when waking up from that transe state you had seen him looking at you frightened, and you couldn't help but ask him, with tears in your eyes, "Why me, you could have anyone you want? Why should you only want me, you deserve better." You say sobbing, trying to hold back the tears, not wanting to show him the inner struggle you were fighting all the time with the same voice that is bringing you down today. He had taken your chin in one of his strong hands, made you lift your face and looked straight into your eyes. In those big green eyes you felt as if you could see a meadow in which you could run free of all thought, free to be whoever you wanted to be, and that is what Dean is to you after all, a safe haven in which to seek comfort.
"I want you, and you alone. And already that is a selfish thought, because love, if anyone does not deserve the other it is me, because you are perfect and I am everything but perfect, and I know you deserve so much better, and yet I am selfish and I cannot help but love you and want you to be mine and only mine." Said the man in front of you before kissing you. Immediately you melted like ice cream in the sun in his arms, and you returned the kiss with all the passion and eagerness you were willing to let him know that his feelings were reciprocated. His warm, fleshy lips on yours moved to the rhythm of a dance that only you seemed to know. After a few minutes we parted, needing to breathe again, but both of you had two silly smiles on your faces, of two people stupidly in love with each other, unable to hide it from the world for a second longer. "I have Jane Austen and her Mr. Darcy to thank next time I see her in heaven. Or was it in hell?" Whispered Dean chucklingly before resting his forehead on yours.
"Winchester, we would have a demon to exorcise in the other room." You reminded him, laughing at his earlier statement, before punching him lightly in the chest. "And don't ever make fun of Jane Austen again, I love her books and I won't let you do that." You continued, pretending to give him a dirty look.
"Why do you think I read them?" He replied, winking at you before leaving the room to go deal with the demon, whom you had almost forgotten about.
A voice suddenly brings you back to reality. You look up from the pie in front of you and see Sam's worried eyes trying to decipher your thoughts, which, like a hurricane, are flowing fast in your eyes, too fast to be understood.
"Hey, are you okay?" The smallest Winchester asks you, with a tugged smile, as if you had forgotten how to smile and he wanted to help you learn it again. You then try to smile back at him and nod, not having the heart to tell him that today the battle in the mirror between you and your reflection was won by the mirror, and that as of this morning you feel like crap emotionally, because you feel like crap about your own body.
"I'm just tired, and I'm not very hungry. I think I'll give it to Dean, after all, he's always happy to have a little extra cake." You say trying to be convincing. In fact, it's been about five days since you've really been able to put anything under your teeth, after seeing a girl flirting with Dean in a bar in the town of your last case. Dean had immediately declined the girl's attentions, saying that he was committed to you and loved you, but a self-defense mechanism had sort of been triggered in your brain, telling you that if you didn't want to lose the only person you'd ever really loved in the world, you had to lose weight, and so you started not eating, obviously in secret from Dean.
The lack of food in your stomach has also brought you immense fatigue, in fact you don't even realize that you have left the diner and are now in the car from how foggy your brain is. As soon as you sit in Baby's seat, sleep takes over your body, so much so that you don't even feel Dean pick you up and carry you inside to your motel room. You awaken hours later on the bed you and Dean have been sharing since you arrived in this town, but neither he nor Sam can be seen.
Slowly you get up and drag yourself into the bathroom. You turn on the light and immediately a figure is revealed to you in the mirror. You don't even look like yourself anymore, your skin is white and emaciated, so much so that it looks like that of a ghost; the black circles under your eyes are more pronounced than usual, and an immense sadness shines through your eyes, yet you can't help but be happy to see that your face looks slightly slimmer than it did a couple of days ago. Bitter tears run down your face knowing that being happy about that thing is not right, and that what you are doing is not good for your health, yet you cannot stop that little voice in your head from speaking.
Suddenly you hear the bathroom door open and see before you the frightened and confused face of your boyfriend, who looks at you shocked, seeing the tears on your face. Quickly he approaches you, asking if you are hurt and taking your face in his hands. You try hard to pull away from him, but you are not strong enough. You don't want him to feel your impefect body, he doesn't deserve it, yet he continues to hold you in his arms, while a hand gently strokes your back, trying to calm you down.
"Love, what's going on? Why are you crying? What can I do to help you?" Dean whispers to you, in turn with tears ready to run down his cheeks not knowing how he can take away the pain you are feeling so intensely.
"I'm sorry Dean, I'm really sorry. I've tried, but I can't." You sob, against his shoulder, stopping fighting him and letting yourself go into his embrace.
"What did you try to do love?" The elder Winchester asks with a veil of fear.
"I tried to be a better girlfriend, I tried to lose weight, but I can't. The voice is right, I don't deserve you, I never deserved you. I don't know how you can really love someone like me." You continue crying, falling to your knees, accompanied by his strong arms, as he follows you, also kneeling on the floor. Your figures seem to merge in this embrace, as you tell him of all your insecurities, of the evil voice that dwells within you and hinders your every hope for happiness, and how these days you have preferred to starve yourself in order to be a girl worthy of being seen at Dean Winchester's side. He listens to you in silence, as tears furrow his face and fall silently on your hair, since he has his chin resting on top of your head, while you hide your face in his chest seeking the comfort of his heartbeat and his scent as you open your soul to him on the motel floor of a godforsaken town.
When you're done, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief, feeling your heart lighten, and uncertainly you look into Dean's eyes and see his sadness, and immediately feel guilty knowing that you are the cause of that feeling. In a moment as if he is reading your mind, however, he immediately stops you and reassures you.
"Love, first of all, the next time you hear this voice or these feelings inside you, don't hesitate and come to me right away, because I love you and I don't want to see you suffer like this and you know that I am always there for you, no matter what, even if you just have to ask me why the color blue is blue at three o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, I am always there for you, I am your love slave." Says the hunter, kissing the last tears streaming down my face. "And secondly, you don't have to change in any possible universe, because you in each of them are perfect as you are. There is not one thing about you that I don't love madly: your hair, your eyes, your intelligence, your laugh, your body-oh God don't get me started on how your body drives me crazy, because believe me I could start a new religion just to worship you as the goddess you are. Every day I have to hold myself back from kissing every inch of your body, from screaming to the world that you are mine, that the best woman in the world is in love with me, and I still don't understand how that is possible. There is not one thing you do that is not perfect in my eyes, and even now I still think that never on earth and in heaven has there been a more perfect being than you, so please don't ever again believe what your brain tells you and believe me." He continues, as he looks into your eyes. You have never felt so loved in your life. The only thing you want to do is thank him, but no words come out of your mouth, so you kiss him, showing him how you feel about him. Slowly Dean gets up, taking you in his arms, not breaking the kiss. Only when you reach the front of the bed and he drops you on it, your lips part and he says a few words.
"I would say it's time to prove that I wasn't joking when I said I would found a religion just to worship your body."
And boy was he not joking.
#hauntedwitch04's writing#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x plus size reader#dean winchester fanfiction#deanwinchesterxreader#supernatural x reader#plus sized!reader#plus size!reader
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Hello, I just wanted to ask what your opinion on fanfic commissions is? Is it ok to ask for payment for fics in the same way fanartists ask for payments?
There just seems to be more stigma against fanfic writers asking for payment for their work than there is for fan artists.
I seem to recall some original authors LOATHING fanfic but then gladly sharing because it promotes their work.
Personally, I’d never ask for payment for my fics because I can never finish anything under pressure/on time but I think the option should be there for other fic writers
I'm going to answer this question in a few different ways. First, specific to AO3:
Do not link to patreon or ko-fi or even a price list from your AO3 account. That includes the author's notes on a fic, your profile page, or in the comments. Linking to any commercial page (ie, a page whose purpose is for the user to spend money) is against the Terms of Service for the site. That also includes the donation pages for charities. Link to their home page instead.
Second, in terms of legality (take this with a grain of salt because I'm not a lawyer):
There has not yet been a successful court case where a creator has sued a fanfiction author and won. What usually happens is the creator will send the fic author a cease and desist and that will scare the fic author into self-deleting their works. DMCA takedown requests have also happened, but as of Sept 10, 2022 I'm not aware of any case law stating that fanfiction is illegal or that it's illegal for fic authors to make money for writing fic. Profit is one factor in consideration during a fair use lawsuit, but it's not the only one.
Third, historically:
You are correct. There is a long, long history of everyone from George Lucas to Anne Rice to George RR Martin being extremely upset by the existence of fanfiction. However, fanart isn't without its own controversy. Fanart of live action shows, movies, or novels is quite clearly not made by the original cast or creators. However, fanart of animated shows or movies and of comic books could potentially be mistaken for "the real thing". It's not unusual for comics artists to request fans not sell their fanart for profit. Plus, there is just as much discussion in art spaces about whether fanart is "real art" as there is in writing spaces about whether fanfic is "real writing". We have more in common than you might think.
Lastly, for myself:
I've been commissioned before. I've written probably 2-5? fics for money. I can't be exact because it's been so long that I don't remember and the commission was along the lines of "I want more of your fic, so please take this money and write whatever you want for this ship". It's not something I sought out, and I don't think it's something I'd personally do again. Not because of any moral superiority or anything. Just because I don't want to monetize my free time. Fic and fandom are hobbies for me. They're fun. They give me a feeling of freedom and creativity. I worry that introducing money into that space would turn it into a job and change my reasons for writing. I wouldn't post a fic because it was a bonkers idea that made me cackle with glee. I'd write to please the person who paid me and to try to encourage more people to pay me too.
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joystick system diaries - June 29, 2023 - storytelling and open world games
Okay so, I (Audrey) was going to make this into, like, a video thing with a video format, so that we could have something up this month. However, I just now realized that I fucking hate it. I hate the idea of editing this brain soup into a video. I hated reading this out loud. I hated listening to our voice reading this out loud. I fucking hate the whole thing.
I fucking hate everything that we have written lately. Everything we write is bad. I hate it. I just want to be rid of it
so. Here! I guess. I'm getting rid of it. Here's the whole written thing. It's about how Fallout New Vegas is actually not all that great. I guess reblog it if you think Fallout New Vegas is not actually all that great. Or don't! Meow.
I think you should give us money on Patreon or Ko-fi so that we hopefully write a little more (and one day, better?) while eating a little more and being slightly less mentally ill
Lately, we’ve been playing Fallout: New Vegas. It’s a game that a lot of people like. It’s a game that a lot of trans women like. It’s also a game that a lot of trans women do not like. One of those trans women happens to think that they're not sure if they like Fallout New Vegas, but that maybe, Fallout New Vegas is boring!
I finished a playthrough of it a few weeks ago, and found that the whole thing was just not very, whelming. It has walking, it has dialogue, it has an ending. It has a bunch of tasks that you can do, which leads to more walking, and more dialogue. And, sure, the tasks are well organized, in a sensible manner for this type of game- you start by getting an objective to go to a place and find a person, by meeting a person, who refers you to a person, who refers you to another place with another objective and that place takes you to another person, and so on and so forth until you arrive at the last person, one of these fuckers, who gives you the last place, Hoover Dam, with the last objective, shoot some of these other fuckers with these other people.
So, sure, it works as a video game that takes you from thing to do to thing to do without leaving you scratching your head, but this doesn’t really make for a story. It makes a bunch of pieces of a story that you can kinda pull together. I guess. So well. That’s why after blitzing through the game to get to the independent route and having the game pat me on the back going like, “oooh, good job! you won!” Just sorta rang like… “excuse me?”
What’s the point of open world games, anyway. Why does everything have to be open world. Like, medium open world, like a semi-open overworld that just, offers an intentionally designed explorable but eminently manageable place that exists to connect the gameplay and provide a little narrative context, but doesn't awkwardly stretch on into infinity. Sonic Adventure, Psychonauts, Yakuza. That kind of open world is nice. But the big open worlds that are just like, hey, here’s a huge field, huge city, huge place that is just huge for the sake of being huge. Why do we need this?
I don’t know, if people enjoy sandbox playgrounds, I guess, whatever- but I can say this much, and it’s just, open world games aren’t a great vehicle for storytelling. How the fuck are you supposed to tell any kind of coherent story when the way it’s presented is as dialogue nuggets dripfed to players as they fuck around? Like, Sonic Frontiers, for instance, is what I’d say is one of the few examples of this done well, and it has some really good dialogue written by Ian Flynn, one of the writers of the Sonic comic books everyone likes. This good dialogue is not really well serviced by the structure of this game, where Sonic is ostensibly under a time pressure to go rescue everyone but can in actuality fuck around infinitely. Like, a lot of the best bits of dialogue are from idle dialogue you get standing around, but no one is going to just stand around in this game unless they’re specifically waiting for the dialogue. So. The way you’re going to get a good story in this game is by, y’know, not fucking around. Going and doing the objectives. And I guess, fishing, so that you can unlock the egg memos, that Big the Cat inexplicably has. So.
So yeah, Sonic Frontiers, cool game, good story, and the open world is made tolerable by having Sonic, be fast. I like the Sonic video game. But this could’ve pretty easily been presented in a Sonic Adventure 1998 but updated, format, with a world that was only as big as it needed to be, and discrete memorable stages, like, y’know, a regular 3D Sonic game, and that would’ve been cool, but instead it’s, big field. And now the next game, probably, has to be big field. Except maybe the Generations/Forces asset use in those cyberspace stages will get itself replaced with some new stages, or at least, like, new assets for new stage themings, and that’d be nice.
Um, what else has happened lately? We’ve been watching a lot of anime and reading manga, I guess. We’ve been watching a lot of movies. We watched Kiki’s Delivery Service. We watched Across the Spider-Verse, and it was great and everything. I have mildly complex feelings about the spider-people being cop kids from cop families, and the flag on the wall owned by one of the cop kids with the cop dad leading everyone to mass headcanon her as trans, but y’know what, whatever. I can wait to talk about that.
We watched Bound. That was cool. That movie’s got a couple lesbians in it. Literally a couple, of them, y’know.
Oh, and also, we’ve been reading a few really good yuri manga. So, y’know what, I think I’m going to write about those later.
Might make this a series. Maybe. We’ll see.
Y’know, y’know what’s what, with the Patreon thing, and the Ko-fi thing, and with how we always need money, so I’m just going to, skip that. This time. Check the description or the comments or whatever.
Bye.
Oh, um, setting aside what I said about New Vegas, our friend, colleague, and unofficial teacher, Talen Lee, wrote a post about New Vegas. It’s a nice interesting little piece that talks about the value of memes. Okay. Bye for real now.
#fallout new vegas#sonic frontiers#open world games#game criticism#audrey (of the joystick system) posts
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Hello! I just wanted to say I adore your work! Your Catradora fanfics are so beautiful and passionate and your art just screams regal, elegance, and each line up perfectly with the world you've created.
I was curious on what advice/tips you had for beginner writers? Do you study other writers you like or write what feels right for you?
As well as what you do for drawing? What references, lessons, and or creators you take notes from? Or figure drawing?
Thank you for all you create! Genuinely, thank you <3
Hello! First than all, thank you so SO much for your beautiful words it means the absolute world for me and I appreciate it immensely
Now for your question, I think that as per writing my best advice would be ‘Never stop writing and write it all’ . Do you have an idea? Write it down! No matter if it is swift and quick or really small or if you write it on a notebook or the phone or a napkin. Most of my biggest stories like Anchor and Camelot AU came from a single insane idea and now they are full stories. I read a lot too for inspiration, from other´s people´s fics to series like Percy Jackson, Lord of the Rings, The Song of Achilles, Jane Austen, poetry, etc. I take a lot of inspiration from music too, movie´s soundtracks are the best for me to inspire the construction of a story.
For Drawing and paintings I use lots of references, especially pictures. I love reinassance paintings and take lots of inspiration from Alfons Mucha Art. I took some studies from Loish´s Patreon too that were of great help with character construction and painting, and I´m currently trying to study more concept art development of animated movies, it helps a lot too.
And also, and this goes for drawing and art in general too, please have patience. The Internet and the algorithm are a weird place to be in as an artist right now and most of the time a small ratio can result in a lot of frustation. Believe in yourself! And please do things that you love, even the process, it won´t be perfect at the beginning but you´ll get there.
Sorry for taking so long to answer and lots of love your way! <3
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Digimon Adventure: V-Tamer 01 Review!: An Pro-Digious Lost Classic
Hello all you happy people and welcome to Pop Culture Buffet, where I review some of the best media around.. and sometimes throw some in the garbage bin. Today we dive into a classic I just discovered, one tied to a staple franchise of my childhood, and one you fine people voted on. It’s time to give it 100% for Digimon Adventure: V-Tamer 01: A Rope of Sand.
I first found digimon via the anime, which came over to the states at the exact right time. I was 8, I loved Pokemon, so my atttiude to ANOTHER cool show about raising adorable and badass monsters that had it’s own engaging worldbuilding, loveable characters, and cool as heck monsters was ...
I was hooked and the fact it was on FoxKids, which I watched every saturday, as I eagerly gobbled up both adventures and the first half of tamers, saw the movie and bought tons of toys I wish i’d held onto because shit’s expensive to rebuy.
While I sadly didn’t see much of late stage tamers thanks to poor scheduling and haven’t gotten around to watching the anime after (And in the case of Frontier actively noped out as a teen when I found out the premise and found reruns on jetix), I’ve always loved this franchise ,and only haven’t watched what i’ve missed nor revisited my childhood because my watchpile is a massive nightmare from which few things actually escape. It’s a creative spin on Mons as while it wasn’t the first on the block, it was the first to really codify the monsters being their own individual beings who chooose to work with the humans, instead of being essentially being pets who fancy a scrap. Instead their wild creatures choosing to fancy a scrap to save the world, either by desitny or just liking this human they found and thinking they’ll keep them. This idea has been used since but I feel Digimon’s the one who really codified this version of monster taming.. which is odd given they were originally virtual pets, but still. The franchise also often dosen’t sell short the danger our heroes are in: while it still keeps it within family friendly territory, digimon CAN die, and while they can also reincarnate, it’s not a guarantee you’ll come back.. and if your a leomon pre-2020 ,i’ts a guarnatee you won’t be coming back. When stranded in a digital world our heroes are often in deadly danger and while Surivive seems to be the work emphasising this the most, there hasn’t been a one i’m aware of that wasn’t a gag manga that didn’t make it deadly clear that as peaceful and kind as most digimon were, the digital world and what comes form it is often dangerous.
So why V-1. Well as I said it won a poll I did last month to see which manga/manhwa i’d cover with my patreons having picked out the applimon manga and the manhwa adaptations of adventure 01 and 02. And to my shock.. this one swept it. Granted in hindsight I can kind of see why as V-01 is both something people who haven’t read it, while adventure, as loved as it is, has at the time of this writing gotten 2 series, 5 movies, and tons of merch and tends to be the most represented in various media. So it’s not a huge suprise people would instead go for something they don’t know as well, and those who do know it clearly love it. As for why I picked it it was for those reasons: It’s unqiue, I hadn’t got around to reading it, most people don’t know it and thus it fascinated me and i’m pleased as punch to say my curoisty paid off though as for why and how.. you’l ljust have to read on, and hopefully for those who haven’t tried it I can convince you too as unsuually for me I won’t be trying to go into heavy spoilers for my review. Normally I like to get deep into the analysis, but here I feel i’d rather more people get to enjoy it and those who do know it can nod their head or shake their fist at me accordingly. There will be a light spoiler here or there, but for the most part you can go directly from this review to the manga and still enjoy it. Let’s begin.
What Is V-Tamer 01?
For the uninitiated, V-Tamer 01 is a digimon manga. The Digimon Digital Pets were a huge hit in japan which lead to a one shot Manga , Come On Digimon! by Hiroshi Izawa, which debuted in V-Jump, and was such a hit it warranted a full series. Debuting in 1998 This was not only the first bit of major Digimon Media but predates Adventure by a year, though weirdly it’d not only outlast adventure but run through frontier, before being cut short because frontier nearly murdered the franchise.
As a result of pre-dating the anime, it thus dosen’t have some of the logic to the franchise that would later be popularized by the anime: For starters when a digimon evolves, it STAYS evolved. Digivolution isn’t reversible unless it’s done by Jogress aka Fusion. Not only that our heroes partner digimon STARTS the Manga as a champion, having already been raised up to that, so for the first third he has a champion as a partner and for the other two thirds he’s an ultimate, only becoming a mega at the very end. This also applies to any ally digimon as we see both big good magnangemon and his right hand leomon evolve as the manga progresses. As a result the main antagonists for the first third are Ultimates, to be a level above zero, and for the second and third parts we get Megas.
The other big swing is that the digital pet aspect is used and much like Tamers after it, Digimon is an actual thing in the real world, if just as a v-pet line, with the various tamers being people who raised their mons as digtial pets int he real world first. As a result the digivice can be used much like a pokedex in pokemon special: It can check health, relay commands and check moves, instead of being a mystical super thing. I honestly prefer this as it give sthe digivice more weight as a tool and allows the tamer to be more active in fights. Our main heroes Tai and Zero are as strong as they are because they work as a team with Tai’s strategy and Zero’s raw battle talent meaning they can beat foes outside their weight class, and when they can’t work in concert , such as the enemy preventing commands, is when their at their most threatened.
And speaking of Tamers, only ONE tamer here is a chosen one: Tai himself, who was brought here. The others are antagonists, all coming here to create a new world for themselves.
Even with that a lot of the mainstays of the franchise were there from adaptation one: The hero having goggles (being an alternate version of Tai, which the manga itself later establishes in a crossover), digivolution often being based on emotions and done at a critical and dramatic moment, esclating threats that are usually esclating sets of quirky minibossses, and digimentals, which would be key to adventure 02. It’s still the same digimon I know and love. .just remixed a bit to fit an older verison of the franchise. So what kind of story do they tell with that?
100%
V-Tamer 01 is the story of Tai, a middle school fan of Digimon Digital Pets whose quite good at it but gets rejected from a tournament because his Veedramon, Zero, isn’t recognized by the tournament officals... who you’d THINK would have sympathy to a child who clearly didn’t hack this and it was clearly either a glitch or simply a digimon you guys hadn’t heard of yet but
So as a consolation soon after Tai ends up in the digital world and meets Zero for real. And yes that’s another weird thing here: while most digimon, like the rest of the franchise are referred to by species, Tai’s two companions here have names outside of it. Granted it’s probably less confusing when you have a pack of digimon to not have a three jims type situation and have to call them the agumon when you can just call one Jerry, or Frank, or The Lone Locust of the Apocalypse.
The two get along great and their partnership is one of the things that makes the manga special: The two are truly best friends which isn’t unusual for digimon, usually partners and their tamers are very close and it’s their bonds that allow them to grow and reach their true potetials. But this may be easily one of the purest and most adorable friendships i’ve seen: The two work hard together, train and trust each other more than anything, and train hard to get stronger. Well at leats in the first third, but in the second and third acts things are esclating so quickly there isn’t really time, so it’s fair. They also have the endearing as hell habit of dork dancing any time they win.
My friend Masked Maverick helped me with this, as he’s a huge fan of V-Tamer 01 and a digimon expert, and I agree with him this is just so damn charming.
The two trust each other on a level that only the truest of friends do, in a way that feels real like I do with my best friends.. and it thus becomes their greatest asset in battle. Zero is a great fighter, but really isn’t a tactical genius, while Tai is but obviously is a squishy human. It’s explicit here that the combo of Zero’s raw strength and tai’s intellgent tactics, helpfully transmitted wirelessly after having to shout the mearly on is what MAKES them so effective. Their earliest opponents are ultimates, digimon a level stronger, and thus the two HAVE to rely on smart strategy or die. It’s another of the manga’s strong points: While ther’es plenty of your standard “Heart helping a hero pull through” and hot blooded action like all shonen, the real strength in the fights is tai using everything he can think of to help Zero win. They may have a limited moveset, simply using v-arrow on things and claws and once zero digivolves, flight, but the manga works it hard. Said limited moveset is also because digimon in the v-pet era only had a few attacks, with card and video games helpfully fleshing it out for future media. The tactics make each fight exciting as you figure our heroes will probably win.. but not HOW they will or what their opponents are going to pull.
Not only that the true partnership and friendship... actually creates problems. Zero is so devoted to tai tha it’s revealed he hasn’t become an ultimate because he’s worried it’ll affect their friendship, and only does when Tai’s life is on the line. (Tai of course dosen’t care what he becomes, but is willing to let Zero digivolve on his own time), while we later find out the boost zero gets from emotions.. has some serious drawbacks. I won’t spoil them for you but not only does it cleverly deconstruct the emotinal boost but Zero KNOWS about it and was damaging his body with them for Tai’s sake. It’s clever to show that while said friendship is healthy our own doubts and nerousis can cause us to take horrible unecessary risks just to hold on to a friendship that isn’t in any danger.
The two soon meet Gabo, a gabumon who thinks their little sobs but soon comes around and takes them to meet his master, MagnaAngemon, whose the big good here. As it turns out he brought Tai to the digital world as the Evil Daemon, who yes is indeed a digimon, is trying to take over the world.
And Magna summoned our heroes to gather the 5 tags needed to penetrate his castle and stop him and stuff. So for the first volume and a good chunk of the first third, it’s simple monster of the week stuff: Tai fights one of Daemon’s general, uses clever tactics to get through, maybe meets a friend along the way, and gets a tag.
What mixes it up and truly pushes V-Tamer 01 into greatness is the introduction of our TRUE antagonist, Neo Saiba. Neo is another tamer.. but Tai’s opposite, seeing digimon as merley means to an end, gladly discarding ones he finds weak and finding out their some form of real dosen’t remotely stop him from thinking this way, his first fight with tai having him curelly sacrifice a metalgreymon who just wanted to be strong for him simply to get scans of Tai’s abliities with his digivice. He is cold, will gladly throw away anything to achive his goal of making a new world, and he is every bit as clever and tactical as Tai. His first tactic is using jogress (Fusion), but having the fusion disolve to dodge attacks, and allowing him to replenish and he still uses jogress as his main tactic going into the second. It’s something you rarely see as the only other evil tamer around the same time , 02′s ken, uses far diffrent tactics and it wouldn’t be till xross wars (which i’m currently reading the manga for and is pretty damn sweet), we got other tamers/generals who could use the same tactics as our heroes, and to this day no one has really used fusion combativley like this that i’m aware of. It’s a completely unique and awesome techinque that requires tactics, the tecs weakness (both digimon split the damage so their still injured), and a digivolution to overcome. It raises the stakes by giving Tai an equal opponent to fight.
Neo is a truly intresting big bad, using strategy to overwhlem his foes and when the second act hits and he needs to grow the ultimate digital monster Daemon has been growing all manga and raise it, he enlists three MORE tamers, as while Tai can now enter the castle he has to get there first. That’s where things hit their peak as Tai must now fight three tamers who not only have stronger mons but each have their own clever tactics to fight tai with and their own reasons for wanting “to create their own new world”: Sigma , a masked lad who felt ostracized in the real world and who uses his Piedemons ablities to itnercept tai’s commands, Mari, who is creepily selling pictures to older men depsite being in MIDDLE SCHOOL
Ugh. Just.. no to all of that, and who pretends to be a ditz... onlly to reveal it’s a stalling tactic so Neo’s plans can go off without a hitch and Hideto, who has an utterly heartwrenching backstory that ties into zeros and who has a FUCKING OMNIMON AS HIS PARTNER. No I didn’t mistype that. OMNIMON. Yes Royal Knight, Tai and Matt’s ultimate trump cart, THAT OMNIMON. THAT HAPPENS.
That.. really was my reactoin. I flipped out. There was also supposed to be a third phase, but it got cut down as Frontier nearly killed the franchise, so the manga had to speed up to the climax after the alias 3. This also leads to why the manga hasn’t been localized. JUST this one, the other ones have no excuse bandai what the shit, but this one.. had some legal issues with the writer. As such daemon and veedramon had to have vastly diffrent designs in other media and many of the manga’s original digis, including the ones that were originally going to be recurring but were reduced to cameos for time, have yet to show up again. The writer/artist of the manga has since reconclied with Bandai and has done some work on ghost game, so there is hope for them but yea, sticky legal issues left this out of print for a while and still out of print here despite digimon’s rising popularity again. It’s why while I won’t link to sites directly, I encourage you to look for a fan translation as I feel no shame in reading something online if it has no offical release or is long out of print. Sometimes it’s the only way to keep a work in circulation like the archie sonic comics.
And I REALLY do recommend it as I loved this one: it is a quick read, only 9 volumes and the pacing is breakneck. It is fairly monster of the week: first the 5 devas, then the alias 3 and again there was going to be another before the final showdown with the big bad, and we get maybe THREE fights without zero in the whole manga, so it could be repittive.. but the slow escalation and clever tactics , forcing our heroes to constantly evolve their tactics or die, and the engaging characters really keep you hooked. I coudln’t wait to get to the next chapters each time and if you like a good fighting manga, this one is an outstanding one to check out.
It’s only real weaknesses are the said lack of variety: It’s very much zero saves the day, and Gabo is there mostly to scream from the sidelines. He never evolves, only fights once and while his help as cook is useful and he’s still fairly likeable, it feels disapionting he never gets to digivolve into garurumon and pitch in. It dosen’t help the garuru line is one of my faviortes, and given we see Neo and Hideto both have multiple partners, there’s no reason Tai couldn’t of added Gabo to his digivice. It’s a mild disapointment. I also feel the later tritagonist added, while an intresting character, dosen’t get to do much of her own agency and just mostly wonders around a castle for most of her time in the manga.
Despite these flaws though.. V-Tamer 01 is fantastic. It’s fun, heartfelt and never lets up till the end, only getting better and better as it goes and while it has a lot of the franchises cliches, it also has a lot of i’ts heart, unique scenarios you won’t see elsewhere and dork dancing. So much dork dancing. So check it out when you can as you prepare to surivive, and maybe if this does well i’ll visit the other digimon manga and the manhawa’s sometime. Until then, consider joining my patreon, and thanks for reading.
#digimon#digimon v-tamer#digimon v-tamer 01#zeromaru#tai kamiya#neo saiba#veedramon#aeroveedramon#gabumon#agumon#magnaangemon#alias iii
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Spooky Scary Vampires (upcoming IP teaser) (blog#8)
Happy July! The thick of summer is upon us and everything feels like it’s ramping up in terms of heat, workload, and travel. After so many years of just not doing much or going anywhere, I feel a bit out of practice with the hustle! As of right now, I’m now in a lull between conventions. Thank god, really. After two conventions and nearly a month of being sick as a dog, I feel like I need the break to get caught back up on things. But that’s not what you guys are here for, right? I’ll save my bellyaching for another time and get us onto the topic of this month’s author blog. Namely, another teaser to an upcoming project!
Now, some of you may be aware that at any given moment I’ve got like, at least three or more irons in the fire. I do my best to finish projects entirely before moving onto new ones (Hiraeth is a big exception to that rule, but in my defense, I am working on it and the world as a whole sought to waylay the project OTL) but I’ve found that interspersing larger projects with short ones can help keep up momentum on both. Humans are suckers for instant gratification, and anyone who’s ever tried to write a book before can tell you that it’s not an easy or short process. It’s easy to get burnt out or worn down by the slog of working your way through a 500+ page story. At some points, it doesn’t feel like making progress at all. Taking a month or two to divert focus to write an 80 page novella, though, is a much faster prospect. Five chapters feels a hell of a lot more doable than 28, and switching between both builds up momentum that’ll help get through each a lot quicker than if I’d kept them independent.
It’s because of all of that that I’ve really been grateful for Patreon as an avenue to creating short content alongside my longer stuff. The yearly short story event lets me carve out a portion of the year to dedicate to hammering out something to completion all at once and the monthly patron pick poll rotation helps me put out a constant, steady stream of progress on a variety of novellas. Without the monthly rotation, getting through the three vigilante novellas wouldn’t have been nearly as easy, and this way, I get to dabble in a bunch of disparate ideas that keep my brain fresh and inspiration juicy. That goes for genres too. A lot of my current long-project work involves heavy lore, intense plot, and characters of a very specific persuasion. Novellas let me write comedy when all I’m surrounded by is serious drama, horror when I’m drowning in fluffy romance, and adventure when the political intrigue becomes stifling. In essence, I get to write movies instead of epics, and I really, really enjoy that change of pace when I can fit it in.
But I digress. So, what’s the new IP, T.D.?
Well, as I described it on Patreon during the lead up to last year’s October novella event, survival horror but make it horny!
-cue the sound of cheers, jeers, and final girl screams-
As you may have gathered, this story, Ossuary, is solidly in the category of movie when it comes to my dichotomy of project types. To be perfectly honest, I originally conceptualized Ossuary as my attempt at writing a slasher movie in the form of a novella. By “slasher” though, I’m being a bit general. This story is much more of The Descent than it is Scream or Halloween. Turns out it’s hard to keep to the slasher genres surface level/shallow character trope when you’re literally in their heads in a fixed pov novel format XD Still, I’m a huge horror fan and, while some of my work certainly has horror elements or themes at times, I’ve never gotten the chance to write what I’d consider a horror book before. Thankfully, my patrons last year were really receptive to letting me have the chance to do just that! It was a lovely surprise when that option won the overall poll. Sometimes I operate under the assumption that the whole world prefers soft, fluffy things and I’m the only one aching for blood and fear and complete party-wipes in my fiction, so every time my patrons prove me wrong I gain another twenty lifepoints.
The summary for Ossuary is as follows:
Work as a Curse Breaker is anything but glamorous. It’s difficult, gruesome at times, and it takes Curse Breaker Thierry Pryor to places better left untouched. The Paris Catacombs were once a symbol of French identity, the true sign of death making all equal in the end, but after centuries of layered spell work, ancient hexes, and more than one hastily patched protective charm, the resulting magical amalgam has begun to break down, tainting the surrounding land. It’s up to Thierry and his team to figure out the source of the miasma and quell it before it begins having an effect on those living above the city of the dead.
But unlike the jobs before, there’s something at work in the catacombs much more sinister than some moldering family curse. Sometimes the dead sleep more soundly than the living, but then again, maybe some of the dead don’t sleep willingly at all..
Surprising absolutely nobody, this novella combines a lot of my favorite things: a sad, beleaguered and alienated protagonist, a yandere vampire half-out of his mind with loss, thirst, and obsession, and a dynamic that toes the line of off-putting and intriguing. If you guys haven’t gathered by now that I have an eternal hard on for vampires, I don’t know what to do at this point. A lot of the vampire things I’ve been working on for the DVerse (which will probably get its own blog post—or six—later on this year) are more mystery oriented than outright horror. Ossuary gave me a vampiric outlet that satisfied my need for something DIFFERENT, something fucked up! It’s not much of a romance. Maybe if you squint? But if you like high stakes situations, life-or-death decision making, corruption of the protagonist, and destruction of the self in preservation of staying “alive”... You may just like it too!
I’ve had this premise cooking for… at least three years? Something like that. I remember wanting to write something involving a witch with an affinity for dark magic and curses living and working in a magical world that maligns that. I don’t normally write up story notes by hand—my handwriting is atrocious and I’m so much faster at typing than writing that it just doesn’t work well for me as a medium for recording my thoughts—but for a time I did dedicate some effort towards working out of notebooks in the vain hope of improving my out of practice penmanship. I’d driven to the next city over to meet with a seamstress I knew in order to get some measurements taken for a Hua Cheng cosplay XD and arrived a bit too early to meet her. To kill time, I drove to the library in town. Once there, I found myself a table to sit at and pulled out my hedgehog notebook and proceeded to write up the very first story notes on the premise that would, in time, become Ossuary.
They weren’t detailed notes. They were largely just basic aesthetic ideas involving how Thierry would look, some of his family history, and the dynamic I wanted to achieve between him and his… to call the vampire a love interest seems mean XD The highlights are kind of fun though.
Aesthetically, Thierry and the vampire are modeled off of Ferdinand and Hubert from Fire Emblem, namely in the long red hair/wavy dark hair dynamic, and in the vampire having Hubert’s facial bone structure. Those cheekbones had a hold of me big time.
Character trait-wise, I used Draco Malfoy as a base when it came to extrapolating Thierry’s backstory/reputation within the magical world. Fuck the terf-who-must-not-be-named, but Draco’s always been a criminally underutilized and under-explored character in my mind ever since I was a kid, and I wanted to take some of those bones and do something More with them.
Since this was meant to be a slasher movie, I wrote the surrounding cast as if they were common character trope types within a horror movie, so there’s an “asshole jock”, a “red shirt”, and “a mediator.” Each has a lot more going on with them than those wide brushstrokes, but at their core, they’re there to serve those purposes.
The plot specifics themselves didn’t come until later on, and they went through a lot of revision and tweaking as I sorted out what sort of story I wanted to tell. I’m a huge fan of the idea of “hero corruption,” and initially, I wasn’t going to let Thierry be a hero. I wanted him to be a “burn the world that’s always burned me” sort of character, but as the story unfolded, it did not end up being that at all XD To be honest, I blame myself and my predilections for that. I have a terrible habit of always sculpting my protagonists to be outcasts in some way. Thieves, freaks, rejects, bastards… Either they are born that way or are made that way through bad luck and fickle turns of fate, and Thierry, the poor thing, is an unfortunate combination of both. He comes from a family of magic users who were, once upon a time, renowned for their ability to use dark magic to hunt down monsters. While their dark magic served a purpose and protected the innocent from a common threat, they were lauded as heroes, but after perceptions shifted and the monsters they hunted were found to be more cognizant than first assumed, their luck shifted. Their dark magic became the new threat. The monsters became victims. The Pryors bloody deeds, once viewed as heroic, simply became bloody, and Thierry? Thierry just became the latest link in a sordid chain that society no longer trusts or respects.
He could’ve easy turned his back on things and let it all burn at his feet, but the truth of what actually happens isn’t nearly so cathartic—life as a whole, and the horrors he encounters and confronts in the catacombs, refuse to let it be, and while I once again failed to achieve my long-held goal to write a proper corruption arc… I achieved a very fun story of a different kind with Ossuary, and let’s be honest… there’s always next time XD
At it's core, Ossuary is what the summary implies. It's a story about Thierry just trying to do his job the best he can and society refusing to see him as anything but what rumor and generational stigma wants him to be. He is incredibly gifted but never valued or treated better for his skill set, even among his own peers--something we see in lurid display as he and his team move through the Catacombs in search of the source of malignant, broken curses poisoning the watershed up above. The truth of his family history is never far from him, and positive first impressions corrupt faster than the groundwater when fanned by the flames of those who already hate him. Thierry always thought he understood what his family had done to earn such negative associations. The fun thing about this book--fun for us, I should say. It's never fun for Thierry--is that his family truly was that bad. In fact, they were worse, and the vampire slumbering so unwillingly beneath the earth proves it in time, and certainly in his own way.
What can I tell you about the vampire... Not a lot, unfortunately. So much of who he is and what he's about is tied into the myriad twists of this story. What I can tell you is that this is a take on vampires I've never tried writing before. It's a very unique study on vampires as a different species from humans. No human can be turned into a vampire. No vampire ever used to be human--at least, none that any are aware of. They are not human. They do not have human sentiments, morality, or compunctions. There was a reason they used to be hunted, even if Thierry's generation refuses to acknowledge it. They can be dangerous beings with immeasurably long memories.
In fact, if there's one thing you can count on when it comes to this vampire, it's that he remembers everything.
So, he's an antagonist. He's a love interest--though to Thierry, he's likely just a nightmare. He's our Frankenstein's Monster and our bloodthirsty Lord Ruthven all at once. This story leans towards the Victorian in terms of Romance with a capital R, so I can't in good conscience call it even a dark romance. It's animal obsession, animal fear, and a testament that no good deed goes unpunished, and every choice we make comes with a pound of flesh that must be paid. It's probably some of the darkest stuff I've written and will likely have to have some warnings tacked onto every sales page it graces, but if you're like me and into subversive dynamics, fear as a motivating device, and "survival horror but make it horny," you may be into it too.
Ahh, I love getting to tease upcoming stories but I hate how limited I am in what I can say without giving too much away. Ossuary is, unfortunately, the sort of read that really does benefit from the reader being kept in the dark as much as possible beforehand, to the point where I really only feel comfortable discussing Thierry and not his… love interest? Antagonist? Worst nightmare? I’m the sort of person who will gleefully tell anyone the entire plot of a book if given half a chance. I’m not really the kind of person who minds spoilers, but I know that’s a minority opinion. With any luck I’ve given you guys enough to whet your appetites! And if I haven’t, you can always leave a comment and let me know your burning questions <3
I’ve really fallen for this story and the characters. You’ll understand more once you’ve read it, but it’s the sort of story that has a lot more that goes unsaid at the end than can be tied up neatly in a blood-spattered bow. This is a story with no good ending but an open one, and that means that it’s the sort of story that can, in theory, keep going long past the point of closing the book. Because of that, I’ve been tinkering around with a sequel of sorts. I don’t know if I’ll ever bother publishing it—it really depends on if I decide to end that one or carry on in the vein of letting things end ambiguous and openly—but it’s been a ton of fun to toy with when I’m craving a certain kind of buzz. I’ve always really enjoyed premises that have no satisfactory End. No “happy” ever. Sometimes, I’ve found, the only happy ending—or the happiest we’re capable of achieving—is one in which we never encounter the end. This is all sounding very vague XD but I promise, it’ll all make abundant sense once you’ve read Ossuary yourself.
This story is currently on the active editing block and will maybe be out at the end of this year? I don’t have an artist lined up for it just yet, so that makes it a little harder to predict on that front. With any luck, my editor and I will get through the last of the edits before we hit August. If it sounds like something you’d like to check out now, though, the first draft is available on my Patreon for all tiers. We’ve already voted this year on what I’ll be writing for everyone this upcoming October, so it’s a great time to pledge, catch up on the backlog, and buckle in for the next novella on the docket. It’s a rewrite of an ancient piece of original fiction I wrote back when I was 16 involving a misanthropic goth who enjoys long walks in cemeteries at 3am, an archdemon simp with more fixations than common sense, and a trip to Hell redolent of Carnival. I’m really excited to begin work on it.
That’s it for this month! I hope you guys are amped for Ossuary and the other fun things I’ve got cooking in the background. I may have a publication announcement (?) to share with you guys soon as well, so if there’s another blog update between now and next month, don’t be too surprised! Keep your fingers crossed and, as always, until next time!
T.D. Cloud
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Upcoming Story: Update 6
So, what all do we know about this unnamed upcoming story? Let's go ahead and summarize everything so far.
The main character is a mysterious character that we don't know too much about. He attends Crimson Academy, and he's 16 years old. Based on his first concept image, we can tell he's either being abused, or he gets in a lot of fights. We still don't know his name yet.
Another one of the main characters is Mai-Lee, and we don't know her real name yet. She's the perfect girl anybody could for; perfect grades, perfect face, perfect hair, perfect personality... the list is endless. She just moved back home (to where? we don't know yet!) from South Korea. She now attends Crimson Academy.
Kai-Juu is a young boy who was childhood friends with Mai-Lee. We don't know where he is now, but we know he was abused when Mai-Lee was with friends with him. He had always had feelings for Mai-Lee, and when she had to move to South Korea for a scholarship she had won, he was happy for her, but he was also devastated.
June-Juu is the mother of Kai-Juu. She spends almost all of her time either out of time on a business trip, drinking wine, or abusing Kai-Juu. Her husband had ended his life after enduring several years of June-Juu trying to control him. June-Juu knows she's the reason for his death, but she's afraid to face it, so she takes it out on Kai-Juu, and when he isn't around, she drinks wine until she passes out or gets sick.
Rei is the co-leader of a small gang called "The Cold Eyes." This gang simply intimidates and fights people to get what they want, though they never do things severe enough to attract the police's attention, so they usually get away with everything. Rei is also that mysterious boys' right-hand-man - or I should actually say WO-man. She attends Lotus Academy, Crimson Academy's' rival.
So, we know that most characters are currently 15-18 years of age, and we also know the story takes place in a school-like environment.
Lastly, I'm having some trouble coming up with a title for my story, so if you would give me some recommendations, that would be great! If you like somebody else's idea, like their comment. I'll likely hold a vote afterwards for the top 3 most liked ideas.
Thank you to all of those who are staying up to date with my posts. I'm hoping to start a Patreon so I'll be able to raise funds to officially publish this story once it's complete, and to give my donors sneak peaks at new updates for my story.
Sincerely, Lexii ♡
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Maggots in the Corpse of an Empire: An anarchist approach to gothic literature
Hey everybody, all the wonderful people who subscribe to my Patreon already saw this last week but I wrote another one of my grouchy rambling essays that I write sometimes and this one is some reflections on how I as an anarchist spec-fic writer view my genre. I think it's pretty good but of course I would say that. It's free to read now but if you wanna toss a coin to your author then you'll get early access to stuff for only $2 a month; I'd call that a bargain.
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“America sleeps ahead of you, its nightmares filled with quakes, storms. You’ll need to find your own path.”
As is so often the case with terms related to art and aesthetics, what is and is not “gothic” is infuriatingly difficult to pin down with mere words. As a musical genre, subcultural lifestyle, or personal style of dress, the vast intersections between goth, punk, emo, hardcore, synthwave, heavy metal, and so on make a simple and concise definition nearly impossible to verbalize; one might as well say that a goth is a punk who wears lace while a punk is a goth with spikes. Aesthetically, the gothic is a lot like pornography, in that I have no idea what it is but I’m sure I’ll know it when I see it.
Defining the gothic as a mode of literature is a bit easier, but still irritating enough. In superficial terms (and, I think, in the mind of the average person), it’s tempting to say something like: “A gothic story is a scary story about an old building.” In every nook and cranny of the vast gulf between Walpole’s The Castle of Otranto and Faulkner’s A Rose for Emily, the word “gothic” calls to mind French cathedrals, English country estates, Carpathian castles, and American slave plantations, with all of the dark secrets, unpleasant pasts, and shallow graves one expects to find in such places. But, of course, if that were all there were to it, every Dungeons and Dragons campaign about an evil wizard in a tower and every horror story involving a haunted house would be gothic; and, while those things certainly can be, they aren’t necessarily.
The matter is complicated further as the gothic genre contains immense variety, and even the works that most of us agree are all gothic can be very, very different from one another. A work may be in the equivocal gothic (supernatural elements are ambiguously real or unreal, as in Wuthering Heights), the natural gothic (supernatural elements are not present, as in the aforementioned A Rose for Emily), the explained gothic (what was thought to be supernatural is revealed to be natural, as in The Mysteries of Udolpho), or the supernatural or marvelous gothic (the unnatural and phantasmagorical is present explicitly, as in Dracula), and still sit comfortably under the label of gothic. What, then, is the unifying factor?
To my mind, the most elegant and concise definition of what is and is not gothic was put into words by James M. Powell in 1988, writing for the Syracuse Scholar about German narrative historian Leopold von Ranke: “The great paradox of human existence is the refusal of the past to die and the danger that critical examination of the past, always fragile, may succumb. Human beings live in the narrow margins between mythic pasts and hard-won efforts at understanding their past.” To wit, I believe that a story becomes specifically gothic fiction rather than more broadly horror or fantasy when its central themes deal with the uncomfortable intrusion of the past into the present and the stubborn refusal of that past to die.
My opinions on literary fiction should be well-known to anyone familiar with my work, but to briefly summarize a bitter old woman’s lifetime of kvetching, I find the majority of contemporary so-called litfic to be uninspired and uninteresting drivel that isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on (with the few notable exceptions, such as Leslie Feinberg’s incredible Stone Butch Blues or Latin American magical realism, notable as much for their rarity as their exemplary quality). I find myself at home in the world of speculative fiction, in stories of imagined worlds and flights of fancy and phantasmagoria; what Professor Tolkien called subcreation. Progressive speculative fiction is a genre dominated by science fiction, such as the dystopian near-future sci-fi of Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower and the “harder” far-future sci-fi of Ursula K. Le Guin’s Hainish cycle, with works of fantasy and phantasm (such as the fantasy of Margaret Killjoy, or Le Guin’s own Earthsea series) being comparatively uncommon. This is to be expected; the fantasy genre is usually rooted, at least superficially or aesthetically, in the past or the present, and those artists setting out to create art dealing with progressive themes will naturally be most concerned with progress, whether that’s dreaming of a better future or ruminating on how the crimes of the present might affect the future.
However, the problem of the stubborn past is not one that can ever be discounted or ignored. As the character Ulysses said in one of my favorite works of progressive near-future science fiction, the video game Fallout: New Vegas, “Who are you, who do not know your history?”
In his 18th Brumaire of Louis Napoleon, the brilliant political economist and passable wordsmith Karl Marx famously said: “Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under circumstances chosen by themselves, but under circumstances directly encountered, given, and transmitted by the past. The tradition of all the dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brain of the living.” This, to me, summarizes the essence of the gothic as much as it's a statement on real-world history and politics. The past, with all of its mistakes and all of its secrets, defines and creates the present. The stage of history upon which the great drama of our lives will play out was set and dressed long before we were born, and the problems of the present that we fight to fix are the purest form of the stubborn refusal of the past to die.
Ever since the people who worry about such things have condescended to turn a critical eye towards genre fiction, rivers of ink have been spilled discussing the possible utility of horror fiction and the nature of humanity’s perpetual fascination with the grotesque and macabre. The general consensus amongst critics and theorists, which I mostly agree with, is that horror is important both as a conceptual “safe space” in which to explore the more unsavory aspects of the human experience and as an unflattering mirror providing a far too honest reflection of ourselves and the world we live in. This, I think, makes the gothic a genre uniquely poised to treat with the problems of the modern world; as the past creates the present and the contradictions of the past define the issues of the present, our lives as workers are haunted by the uncomfortable intrusion of the past into the present and by the stubborn refusal of the past to die, and the phantasms vexing workers in the edifice of a dying empire are far more terrifying than those haunting Victorian aristocrats in their decaying estates. After all, as the old world is dying and the new world struggles to be born, now is the time of monsters.
Marx also said, in his verbose and rambling but nonetheless insightful Capital: “Capital is dead labor which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labor, and lives the more the more it sucks.” We artists tend to be a disconnected and self-aggrandizing group who go through life with an over-inflated sense of the importance of what we do, and I as a novelist have got my doubts about the utility of fiction as a pedagogical tool, but it can’t be denied that all art is propaganda. I do believe that, when we as artists take the time to explore the gothic, we might help deliver just a few more hammer-taps onto the end of the stake being driven into the heart of the vampiric wage system.
In love and solidarity,
Natalie H. Ironside
Horror Writers Association
IWW Freelance Journalists Union
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🌱The Story of Your Character Development🍊—Timeless Tarot Pick A Card
Just an overview to help you understand where you came from and how far you've come. You're doing great, sweetie~🥰As long as you keep believing in your innate goodness, you'll only continue towards where the rainbows🌈peaches🍑sunshine🌞and cherry blossoms are~🌸
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Our reality is essentially the creation of our subconscious desires—as within so without and all that stuff. However, the composition of our subconscious mind is often littered with absolute noise created by our environment. If you grew up not too well—if your caretakers were monsters, gaslighters, and so on—there’s gonna be more confusion in there.
It requires strength and courage to remain faithful to the tunes of one’s own original music that comes from the Soul. Wouldn’t you feel better developing your true divinity—the higher aspect of your identity—rather than people’s idea of what you should become?
Pile 1 – Wounded Healer
Priestesses of Ambition & Healing
Green Alchemist (Nicolas Flamel)
Where you came – 5 of Wands
Chaos. Pure chaos. Conflicts, sense of alienation, people backstabbing each other, people cheating, manipulating, you name it. Just, pure, purely ugly world, in a manner of speaking. Why a child should be born in such an environment is such a mystery—maybe karma, maybe… dharma.
If karma, it’s probably some fucked up bloodline curse shit. If dharma, it’s probably the case that you’re a healer meant to stop the curse from running through the next bloodline. And none of this is a walk in the park. This is walking on hot ember on the way out of hell.
At any rate, there was always a lot of noise—yelling and screaming—in your psyche. It was a battle you fought to keep your sanity. On the one hand you didn’t want to become like your environment, but on the other, you were moulded by it—you almost didn’t have a chance to not become somewhat similar to it.
How far you’ve come – Page of Cups
You fought your battles and you’ve won. You are… beginning to master your emotions. You’re trying to be the one in control. You’re learning to be a good person. You’re detaching yourself a lot from what you used to be in the past. None of that was ever you anyway.
You feel responsible for the way you were, but you’re also accepting that people can always start anew. You have hopes in your heart. You know here is only your beginning. And you’re mature enough to understand not everybody is gonna be happy with your development, transformation, even. Some hyenas are gonna wanna convince you of what you used to be.
They’re gonna wanna drag you down to hell again. But this time, you’re saying, ‘no more’ and ‘fuck off’. Fuck you very very much, I’m outta here—I’ve got to meet my destiny. And so you will!
What’s in store – Knight of Cups Rx
Not gonna lie—it’s still not gonna be easy ahead. What can I say? You’re only beginning, fam. Of course a lot of things are confusing if you’re starting anew with so little guidance. Alright? Don’t be too hard on yourself. If anything, you’re really turning into a hero because you’re gonna make it against all odds.
Sometimes, you may feel like the world has once again turned against you, but… FALSE! You’re just dealing with remnants of your trauma (even abuse in some cases). PTSD is a hard shit to deal with and you may want to read up recurring nightmares, flashbacks, general anxiety that comes with PTSD, and all that stuff.
To be honest with you, very little of that would help without real spiritual work. But who’s to say you can’t overcome that? And let me share a little secret with you: subliminals for self-love and detaching from traumas are really gonna help tons. There are also reiki sessions for that if you’re more into that. All for free on YouTube~
Higher Self Guidance🔻❤️
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Pile 2 – World Traveller
Priestesses of Magick & Innocence
Red Geographer (Marco Polo)
Where you came – 8 of Cups
You’re someone who’s parented yourself growing up. Like Matilda, I think. -I haven’t watched that movie.- I think the home environment you grew up in was almost devoid of love, if not, at least it was very emotionally unfulfilling. Growing up, you dreamed of alternate realities or faraway futures where you are more appreciated for the sensitivity/gentleness/kindness/uniqueness that was inherently you. You were sad a lot.
You’ve always had this inner knowing deep within yourself: surely everybody was born to be loved. But for your immediate reality was so disappointing, you found it really hard to cope with day to day life. You daydreamed a ton. In psychology this may be called maladaptive daydreaming, but heck, this was the only way you knew to cope, lest you wouldn’t survive.
Quite frankly, this world hasn’t been exceedingly fair with you. I think you’ve lost a lot—emotionally and spiritually. You’ve had your faith in new people and new situations destroyed way too many times for a single human being to endure. You’d wanted to give up way too many times to count.
How far you’ve come – King of Wands
And yet, here you are and you’ve managed to keep your fire burning. How’d you do that? Only you and God knows, damn. Most people would probably never understand the sorrow you’ve had to endure and they only see the exterior in which you appear to be infallible.
They say you’re strong and amazing, but deep down, you wish they’d appreciate you for your weak moments, too. You want to be held like a child, but this you can’t show to anybody because… simply, nobody gets that. Nobody expects you to have this weakness.
One way or another, you’re just a badass and you’re on top of everyone else. And you’ll continue to be that and more. Right now, there’s not a lot to worry about because you’ve proven to this sickly world that you’re indestructible. It’s your game now. You’re making the rules. -Hope you don’t lose your purity on the path towards greatness.-
What’s in store – Queen of Pentacles
Well, well, well… A mother figure, indeed. Isn’t it quite lovely? This isn’t saying an actual mother, to be honest. Could even be a boyfriend/girlfriend/just friend who understands you deeply (like a mother should) and sees the deepest layers of who you are.
Someone who understands you on a Soul level. Someone who holds you like a child, someone who holds you so tight all your broken pieces stick back together again. Someone loyal who will stay for a long time, if not forever. With them, you feel stable. Safe, secure, taken care of.
On top of that, you’re gonna be rich. Filthy rich—no, I’m kidding, you’re not filthy. But wow, are you gonna be ssooo wealthy. Everything is ssooo gonna be alright and never a day again you feel like you’re lacking anything—not passion, not soul, not money, not whatever. Sounds like ultimate happiness to me. How does that sound to you~?
Higher Self Guidance🔻💚
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Pile 3 – Ah… Hello, Starseeds~
Priestesses of Good Fortune & Luck
Gold Astronomer (John Dee)
Where you came – Ace of Swords Rx
You’re someone who’s always had a vision—a clear one at that—of what Life on this Planet should look like. At the very least, what Life should look like for yourself; it was an innate knowing you wouldn’t have been able to communicate with the adults around you. Not even to your peers. Somehow, there’s just a feeling that you’re different. There’s something exquisitely kind and pure about the way you perceive the world. But that became your downfall.
Constantly feeling like you aren’t fitting in, you doubted yourself a lot and actually tried to be just like everyone else. It’s only natural—people want to feel that they belong. Being ostracised is not a fun thing. So on the path towards growing up, you lost a lot of yourself. You lost your vision and forgot what you came to Earth to do.
Essentially, you’re an advanced Soul. You’ve come from advanced civilisations off-planet on other planes of existence, in other words, you’ve known Life beyond Planet Earth on other dimensionalities. You must resonate with either being a Lightworker or a Starseed; mind you, those two things are very different. Losing your vision also means losing communication with your Star Families residing in the Higher Realms.
How far you’ve come – 7 of Wands
You threw away your inner compass and tried to assimilate yourself to life on Earth as a human being. In a manner of speaking, this is your betraying your Soul’s Essence. The result? A continual sense of losing everything you know about yourself. I’m sure your Star Families have catapulted you into what they term spiritual awakening and it almost killed you, probably, in a sense.
You were quite literally thrown into hell, or more accurately, thrown into a process of realising that you had been heading towards hell all along. All of the ideas/dreams/life goals you had were never part of your Soul’s original plan and now, they must go out the window and you must press the fucking restart button. It was world-shattering to say the least.
But here you are. You managed to survive. One way or another, you miraculously dodged death and your fucking enemies are obliterated—at least, aetherically. And now, quite honestly, you feel like you’re on top of the world. Even if it isn’t yet looking like that, you know things can only get better from here. Cuz now, you’re doing your own thing and it feels damn good to finally be yourself.
What’s in store – 3 of Pentacles Rx
The path ahead may still be a little lonely. Like, you will still need to tread alone and try your best to keep out external noises. What else can you do? You’ve only just begun. Like a butterfly that’s only been born, it needs to work hard on its own to get out of the cocoon. A butterfly should not receive help at this phase lest their wings don’t gain the strength to fly—this is real!
Rest assured though, it’s all gonna be worth it. Because, if it’s any consolation, when your Life is finally what it should look like—like your original vision when you were just a kid—those who have ever doubted you or tried to discourage you will be so, so, so ashamed of themselves. You have so much Good Luck and Fortune in store for you. You’re probably already receiving trickles of this good vibe even now.
Just you wait, one day a shooting star will fall out of nowhere and your entire world is gonna fucking flip in all the best ways, and then… you won’t even remember having had the hardships you’ve gone through. It’s aaallllll gonna be so worth it because you’re meant to inspire and change the world for the better! You ARE the exam-fucking-ple~
Higher Self Guidance🔻💙
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#Punk Panda Pick A Pic#pick a card#pick a card reading#tarot pick a card#tarot pac#pac#pac reading#mark lee#nct mark#nct dream#kpop tarot#kpop astrology#tarotblr#astroblr#witchblr#writblr#light academia#dark academia#chaotic academia#cottage witch#tarot witch#cosmic witch#faery witch#faery#spiritual healing#mental health#gen z#millennials#tarot community#character development
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...you have opened my eyes to a vast universe of VintageBeef lore that I was unaware of. I knew about the New Hermit Order, of course, and the UHC invention, and I've watched a few of his CTM things but -- I will take all the info and lore you feel like giving out because Beef is amazing and my knowledge is so small.
Vintagebeef my beloved <3
So the thing is, right, until about 2016 I only watched two (2) youtubers- Vintagebeef for Minecraft and aDrive for Pokemon (and funnily enough both of them are named Dan irl). So I've watched most of Beef's videos over the years and have a general knowledge of most of his stuff, except because it's been like a decade I don't remember where most of the lore comes from XD
The thing with him is that he doesn't do Lore tm the way other mcyters often do lore- he doesn't have an extensive RP series to draw from like Grian, doesn't have a solo world with steadily increasing amounts of lore like Etho or Zisteau, and while he's played on SMPs and been involved in storylines before it's not really the focus of his episodes unlike with Evo or Legacy or Empires
So where does that leave us?
IRL, Beef always has multiple series running at the same time. Often he's playing on an smp while doing a singleplayer, often modded, series as well as a CTM or modpack with a group of friends. For example, right now he's playing on Hermitcraft, doing weekly Pixelmon and Building a Zoo episodes, and a CTM map with Slip. And to me, this translates to one thing: Beef is an adventurer. He travels frequently- he explores a world and when he decides he's done, he leaves for the next one. That's the basis of my personal interpretation of his series and his character for my writing.
Ok so reading this back, this got extremely long and didn't explain much in the way of lore, somehow? If anyone has any additions to add please do so, I am very definitely leaving out a lot and would love to see what other lore people remember and are using for Beef! I didn’t include the Hermitcraft stuff since my memory of season 4 is blurry (his base was themed after the Martian, that much I know, and he and Iskall were buddies :D) and most of the s5 NHO lore is best watched from Bdub’s perspective from what I remember, and the only s6 stuff is a single line in Hermitgang and then the Area 77 arc with its possibility of an NHO reunion which we did not get rip. And s7 of course had the cloning machine and also the Podzol Party as the main lore. So all the original rambling is still below the cut though it is very long, and I'm gonna bullet point the main stuff here instead:
Actual canonical things:
Invented UHC and was the only survivor of the first ever uhc (Mindcrack UHC s1)
Married to an ender dragon (one of the UHCs I think), later father to a different dragon (Mindcrack season 3? I think?)
Might not have legs if you choose to take that joke as canon (Mindcrack s2)
Was a wizard (RAD)
is a zookeeper (Building a Zoo)
Had a wife and kids (Sims in Minecraft)
Part of the Trial of the B Team court case (Mindcrack)
NHO founder, founder of the Podzol Party (Hermitcraft)
Created a cloning machine that sort of works (Hermitcraft)
Played the Forest which is I believe the first time he and Keralis played together (look up the trigger warnings for this one, it's a horror game)
Was the creator/owner of Sourceblock SMP (featuring some familiar faces if you know Legacy, Empires, or MCC) and there is literal magic from a mysterious sourceblock of water that teleports people and summons mobs and probably more stuff that I haven't seen yet since I'm still watching it myself
Things you can infer:
Good with animals (Life in the Woods, Pixelmon, Ark)
Is a car nerd (irl and all of the car games he's played)
Is a highly experienced adventurer who has traveled through dozens of worlds both vanilla and modded, across multiple dimensions (Twilight Forest, the Aether, the Betweenlands, Limbo), completed dozens of monuments, fought in blood sports, survived apocalypse after apocalypse, tamed dinosaurs, and played a lot of prop hunt and golf with your friends
If you're looking for what to watch for lore purposes, I'd say the Mindcrack UHCs and Team Canada's RAD series are pretty good, definitely Sourceblock and HC s5, plus the Diversity CTM maps and Ruins of the Mindcrackers maybe? And Mindcrack Prank Wars for the chaos and the origin of Team Canada. And if you can handle horror than the Forest is fun and if you don't do horror you can watch the Pojkband play golf or prop hunt they're hilarious I love them sm I want a Pojkband reunion So Bad
Beef's first series was a singleplayer series in beta 1.4_01 though he had played the game extensively before that, and was a big fan of Guude, having watched his own Minecraft videos. The series was functionally a hardcore one where if he died Beef would delete the world and start again! I haven't actually Watched this series so idk if he died or how often lmao. When Guude made Mindcrack, which was btw one of the very first Minecraft SMPs, he also hosted a competition for people to join, and Beef submitted a video (which is still viewable on his channel I believe!) and won, and was added to Mindcrack in season 2 :D (fun fact, Guude said that even if Beef hadn’t won he would have added him anyway)
Two running jokes emerged from Mindcrack- pulling a Vintagebeef and Beef doesn't have legs. The first is a reference to Beef dying of fall damage (I believe the exact instance was him trying to jump into his swimming pool and failing spectacularly) and after the incident, every time someone died of fall damage they were pulling a Vintagebeef. The second joke comes from Guude, who joked that the reason Beef wasn't going to a convention was because he didn't have legs, and then he pranked Beef's base by building a giant pair of legs at the entrance to his castle so you had to walk between them to get into the base. This joke has long since died and both Beef and Guude feel pretty bad about it iirc because there were people who genuinely thought Beef was disabled and were emailing him supportive messages and stuff oops. So if you go looking on the Salad or find old Mindcrack fics, you might see references to Beef having prosthetic legs!
Mindcrack also brought about the creation of several Player groups- Team Nancy Drew, Team Canada, and GOB to name a few relevant to Beef. Team Nancy Drew consists of Beef, Pauseunpause, Guude, and Baj, who formed to investigate a prank on one of the members but I forget who. They're named Nancy Drew after the detective! Team Canada also formed in retaliation to pranks, with it consisting of Beef, Etho, and Pause, the three Canadian members on the server (not including Adlington who moved to Canada but never joined the group). There was also a Team America who pranked them with American flags everywhere. GOB is Guude, OMGChad, and Beef, who played stuff like the Ragecraft, Pantheon, and Monstrosity ctms together but that's way down the line lol
Team Nancy Drew is also notable for inventing UHC. It was Beef's brainchild but it was the four of them who first played it! The first UHC had the four of them working to kill the dragon with no natural regen, with everyone dying but Beef, who "won" the UHC. The second uhc was still dragon focused and iirc is where Beef married the dragon? Memories are hazy but they do kill the dragon in this one I think. UHC was then revamped as a pvp event and became a regular Mindcrack game every few months, featuring most of the Mindcrackers and several special guests, including Dinnerbone, who as we know Thanos-snapped Doc's arm out of existence as a result of Doc killing him in one of them
In one of the seasons of Mindcrack, Beef invited swedish Mindcracker and good friend Anderzel to go caving with him and invented ABBA Rules caving, where the winner takes it all. ABBA Rules is a game where each ore (and also dungeon loot like nametags) is assigned a point value and the person with the most points at the end wins and gets to keep all the stuff collected from the game.
In Mindcrack season 3?, Beef punched the ender dragon in an... awkward area, so when the dragon died and left the egg behind, Guude said Beef was the father of the egg XD I don't remember if I watched s3 so I have no idea if anything Happened with this concept but *history of the world voice* you could make lore out of this!
So Team Canada has played a Lot of CTM maps (which fun fact were pretty much invented by another Mindcrack member, Vechs, with his Super Hostile series! Super Hostile has a bunch of things called "Zistonian", which are references to another Mindcrack member Zisteau, who has a very wild singleplayer series with even wilder lore but I digress). In Ruins of the Mindcrackers, they had a running joke that Beef was Etho and Pause's mom, which is a joke we can leave in the past actually /lh. They also played all the Diversity maps, Sky Factory, Terra Restore, Uncharted Territory uhhh and a couple more ctms and adventure maps! Each map kinda has its own story so in Diversity 3 for example they were trapped in a simulation? I think? Team Canada also recently played the Roguelike Adventures and Dungeons modpack, aka RAD, in which Beef was a wizard with a magic staff that could do anything from summon lightning to control hostile mobs.
Sourceblock SMP is a vanilla survival 1.14 series that ran for one season and the series starts with each of the Players being drawn to a strange sparkling water source that, once they touch it, brings them to the Sourceblock world. It also summons a giant zombie at one point. There's probably more lore for this series but like I said I haven't watched it all the way through yet
He has a Patreon server called VintageCraft and has done a series or two on there as well, and played a few UHCs with them, so lore that how you will!
Beef also played a few popular mods, notably Pixelmon, Life in the Woods, and Feed the Beast, with LitW being singleplayer and the other multiplayer. He's also recently played the Zoo and Wild Animals mod a lot. He did a short series with the Minecraft Comes Alive mod where he married one of the villagers and had two children, so that's canon now :D he’s played a Lot of Pixelmon starting when the mod first came out iirc (he chose Turtwig in his first series and built a Grass gym, then made a Normal gym in another series in uhh 2016) and he still plays to this day. Quite a few Hermits played on his Pixelmon servers with him, like Wels, Etho, Iskall, Stress, Slip, Zueljin, and also Guude and Phedran (a Mindcrack adjacent player and creator of the LitW modpack) and a few Mindcrackers on the older servers
Mindcrack and friends played a lot of other games too- 7 Days to Die, Ark Survival Evolved, Unturned, to name a few, so you can pull a lot of lore out of these as well. Speaking of friends and non-Minecraft games, Beef teamed up with Pause, Keralis, and Slip (a former Hermit) to play the horror game the Forest, which saw them stuck on an island trying to survive against terrifying mutated human... things. They played it a few times as the game updated but as afaik it's the first time Beef played with Keralis and possibly Slip and since the game starts with the Player's airplane crashing, that could totally be how Beef first met them in-universe
I... think? that’s everything I mentioned in the tags? There is probably way more stuff I’ve forgotten that stems from inside jokes and things that happen within each series, but I hope that was a) helpful and b) at least somewhat comprehensible lmao
#hermitcraft#mindcrack#vintagebeef#mcyt#long post#asks#redwinterrises#that was so many words#kudos to anyone who reads the whole thing lmao
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Happy Birthday, Mr. Oikawa
Reader: F
Character: Tōru Oikawa
Rating: E
Summary: You two were back in Tokyo for the event and getting comfortable, him sneaking out every so often to your hotel room. But tonight was special, you celebrated with the team, had a few drinks and now you were leading him back to your hotel room.
Warning: Smut, Birthday Sex, Breeding Kink, Spitting, Nipple Play
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Oikawa loved to celebrate his birthday. Who wouldn’t love a day all about them and two years into marriage you still wanted to make his birthday special. This year was especially special, with the Olympics on the horizon and him climbing the charts of being the top professional athlete in the country.
You two were back in Tokyo for the event and getting comfortable, him sneaking out every so often to your hotel room. But tonight was special, you celebrated with the team, had a few drinks and now you were leading him back to your hotel room.
His eyes were glued to your ass as you swayed your hips from sides to side. You dragged him towards your room on the tenth floor, with an above average look at the city.
“Were you always this beautiful?” He asked jokingly, “I didn’t know I was getting a wife with so much ass.” He laughed before he hugged you from behind and kissed your neck, “Holy shit.”
You laughed, “I’ve been this the whole time, the dress is just new.”
He chuckled in your ear, “Well, it’s gonna be a mess on the floor when I’m done with you.” His voice was silky smooth and his hands were tight on your body. He watched you get the door to the hotel room unlocked and enter with him trailing behind. He pressed you against the other side of the door and rubbed your ass through the dress. He groaned, “Fucking amazing. I’m gonna hate having to rip this dress.” And pushed up the short dress over your ass and palmed your flesh over your very thin panties.
“Then don’t, we can be civil, Tōru.” You chuckled, “We’re not animals. Now why don’t you keep those paws to yourself for a moment while I get this off.” You playfully pushed him away and he stepped back and loosened his tie. He pushed his hair back and smirked at you.
“Get on with it, sweetheart. I want you so fucking badly. You looked amazing and dinner, no wonder all that waiters were tripping over themselves. They say an angel reincarnated and couldn’t help it.
You unzipped the dress from the back, letting the long emerald sleeves fall off your shoulders. The bodycon dress would’ve made most women self conscious, but you wanted to look good for your Oikawa. Your boo, your baby.
And even with the thickness you had, you looked like a dream to him. He palmed himself through his jeans and licked his lips. He groped at his cock through his slacks and watched you peel off the dress.
You were left in matching black, lace panties and bra. They barely covered your nipples and your cunt. But you picked them out to just be alluring to Oikawa. You slipped off your heels and walked over to him. You pulled him for a kiss, and smeared some of your lipstick across his lips and cheek. His eyes rolled back and he found heaven in your lips.
When you pulled away, you took the tie off and kissed at his pulse, “Why don’t we get you out of this and get into that king in the next room. I want to give you your present.”
Next thing you knew, your athlete of a husband hand you pinned on the king sized bed. Your arms above your head as he made out with you. He was rutting against you, your pussy rubbed up against his cock.
His grip was tight and domineering. He was enticed by his beloved girl, his wife. He asked, “So where’s this gift? Because nothing could be better than this.”
“well, one thing.” You slipped your hands out of his grasp and rubbed his pecs in the small space between you too, “I took a little test and turns out it’s prime time to try for a baby.” Your gaze met his and you winked.
Oikawa’s mouth went dry for a moment before he said, “No way.” and his hands dug into the bed. His cock twitched against your pussy, “well then.” He smirked as he rested on his heels and looked down at you.
He palmed your breasts roughly and pinched your left nipple. His hands then trailed down your stomach till he reached your hips. His cock stood at full attention. It had a very important job to do tonight, breed you.
You giggled and tried to prop yourself up on your elbows but he pushed you back down onto the bed. You watched him spread your legs, exposing your wet sex to him. He ran a thumb up your clit and you shivered, nipples growing hard from it.
“So does this mean we’re making a baby?” You asked as you got more comfortable on the bed. You hooked your arms under the pillow and left your legs splayed open. You thrusted up a little bit and he gripped your hips.
“Yes.” He said simply before he lined his cock up with your entrance and pushed in. He was slow at first, but his thrusts didn’t remain like that for long. Soon enough his grip was tight on your hips and he was roughly thrusting against you.
“Oh, fuck. Tōru. Fuck, please. Get me pregnant.” Your eyes rolled back a little bit, you clutched the pillow under your head. Some of your hair was stuck to the back of your neck as he rocked back and forth roughly.
“Oh don’t worry.” he chuckled, “By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to be pregnant with multiples. This is the best gift ever.” He purred as he thrusted against you, his hands clamped onto your hips.
His panting was heavy, clothes were askew across the room and the main room of the hotel. Your moans matched his, your breasts bounced with each thrust that you tried to match with him.
“Yes, this feels fucking amazing.” He groaned, “That’s my good girl. My good girl with the tight cunt. I love you.”
“Please, Tōru. I love you too. So much. You’re my everything. Please make me feel good.” You panted loudly, noises of the bed and your bodies filled the room as you fucked together. Matching each other’s pace in every way.
There was no shame in two married people having the most mind blowing sex to make a baby. And if it didn’t work this time, there was always the next time and then the next. And when he did get you pregnant, he was going to fuck you till you popped.
The squelching of Oikawa’s cock buried into you, your ragged breathing. The groan of the bed. The jiggle of your breast, the sweat on your husband’s brow. This was perfect, the perfect birthday. Right before his team won Olympic volleyball.
“Please, Tōru.” You moaned, “I love you so much. You’re so fucking good. Please, oh fuck.” You panted as you felt sweat coat your body the more you got into it with him.
Two years of marriage and you still knew how to make each other feel amazing. You really wanted your husband to get you pregnant, you wanted him to fuck you full and breed you. As you grinded against him, feeling your bodies together.
Oikawa’s mouth went to your nipples and he licked at both of them. Pressed them together with his hands and lazily licked at your nipples. He sucked and nipped at them and you devolved into a flurry of loud moans and wild pants.
“Fuck, Kawa.” You gasped, “Please. Please, knock me up. I wanna be your breeding cow.” You whimpered loudly as the bed continued to creak.
Oikawa smirked and looked at you, his mouth open as a glob of spit dripped into your mouth. He was lost in the haze of his own lust. With a one track mind to get you pregnant by the end of tonight. He was a wild man like that sometimes, he wanted a child for so long that he never though the day would come.
This is what he wanted more than anything, more than title, more than Olympic gold. He continued to thrust into you and suck on your nipples, his hands bruising the skin around your breasts as he tugged on them. His cock felt heavy and throbbed inside of you as you two continued to fuck like animals.
Long forgotten the idea of being civil.
The bed moved and creaked, the your noises became louder. Oikawa spat in your mouth again and said, “I’m gonna knock you up full. And don’t think I’m gonna stop with one. You’re gonna have a whole volleyball team by the time I’m done with you.” His voice low and seductive, it made your now aching nipples hard as you felt chill go through you and your pussy gush wetness.
It didn’t take long before Oikawa’s silver, devilish tongue across your nipples, his hard cock inside of you and his words crept up your spine into pleasure. You gripped onto his shoulders, nail makes across sun kissed skin.
You panted and threw your head back roughly against the bed and said, “Tōru! Tōru! Fuck!” And came around his cock. You felt a rush of pleasure through your body and you lost track of yourself for a moment.
“That’s it.” He grunted, “Good girl.” And gave a few more thrusts before he finished inside of you. Making sure his cock was deep inside of you, he was going to get you pregnant.
He slowed down to a stop and pulled out of you, a string of cum connected the tip of his cock to your aching sex. He rested on his heels once more and looked at you body. He noticed a few bobby pins were on the bed and out of your hair, your breathing was laboured and your body was warm to the touch.
“That was amazing.” You panted.
He smirked, “Well, we’re going to have a long night together. My birthday isn’t over yet and I wanna drown your pussy in my cum. So get on those hands and knees and let’s keep going.” He gripped your thigh.
It was safe to say by the end of the Olympics, you were getting on the plane back home with the confidence that you were indeed pregnant and nine months later you had you big, strapping twin boys.
What a way to celebrate a birthday.
#oikawa x reader#oikawa imagine#oikawa fic#tooru oikawa#tooru oikawa x reader#haikyuu smut#haikyuu thirsts#oikawa smut#happy birthday oikawa#haikyuu x me#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x you#hq fluff#hq x reader#hq x y/n#hq smut#smut
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It took me too much time
A friends to lover journey for Jiyong and Y/n. Here’s how it all began.
Warning: Smut, language, cuteness overload. Oooh, in the smut part, there is a bit of masochism (not to an extreme, it’s cute. Said in another way, she loves it when it hurts a bit), outdoor sex. Also, a big fear of storms, the mention of a fire.
W.C. 17796 (of pure hapiness... it made me very happy to write it <3)
Personal note: This is one of my fav gif of Ji. Let’s pretend that it’s him as he’s having a good time with his best friend, okay? Okay!
Sorry for that title and description, I didn’t know how to name it until now, LMAO.
Hopefully, you will love this one. It’s cute, sexy, funny. There is angst too.
Here it is
A double date, 5 years ago.
You were not sure if it was a good idea but you couldn’t refuse to go. It was a gift on a silver plate for your friend, more likely your favorite co-worker. Jiyong had agreed to go on a date with her but at one condition: it had to be a double date. Apparently, his friend Seunghyun was head over toes for you and was too shy to ask you out. It was the perfect occasion for Jiyong, maybe he would get some and his friend would have a chance to meet the girls he was silently in love with. Well, most precisely, to have a complete conversation instead of the formalities you exchanged when you served him at the café.
You were working in a café where the boys came to relax and eat after their practice At the time they came, the café was almost emptied from the patreons. They were the best friends in the world, bandmates working hard to pursue their dream in the music industry. They had made their debut a while ago and the reactions were enthusiastics. The press had good reviews of their albums and the fan base grew. They were starting big.
“It will be fun,” she said, “believe me, Seunghyun is such a cutie pie, a perfect match for you. Plus, you never went on a double date before so you can’t tell me that you don’t like it”.
“Okay but I’m only doing it for you. You owe me one girl...”
This is when you had met Seunghyun and Jiyong and got to have a real conversation with them. During the date, your friend was drooling in front of Jiyong, drinking each one of his words, a slanted smile across her face. It was cutely pathetic to witness.
Because you weren’t in a place in your life to have a boyfriend, you made it clear with Seunghyun that it would not be possible. Oh! perfect he was! He had a beautiful face, a sharp sense of humor, a deep voice and a tender smile. He was just magnificent. It could have worked, under different circumstances. It really could have.
When it was time to split and as much as they didn’t seem to fit together, Jiyong and your friend decided that they wanted to pursue the night together. Seunghyun had dropped you to your place, you exchanged phone numbers before you left his car. You didn’t fall for him the way he wanted but at least, he was a good person and you were willing to get to know him better, as a friend.
Even though the evening turned out to be a flop on the romantic level, something wonderful came of it. Your friendship with Jiyong and somehow with Seunghyun too. Just for that, the double date was more than worth it.
Present day
“Earth to the moon! 1.2, 1.2! There’s distortion on the line” Jiyong mocked.
“Sorry, I was thinking… Do you remember the first time we met?”
"Oooh! You mean the night I had the worst sex ever with that annoying bartender?”
“Damn boy, don’t be so mean. That poor girl did her best! She was probably so stressed to be in front of you. You were already a sex symbol back then!”
“True, I was undeniably sexy already” he said, shaking his butts but realizing what he just did, his cheeks turned pink.
Both of you laughed. You have lost your friendship with her the day Jiyong broke up with her, 2 weeks after the double date. Because you continued to talk to him, she cut you off of her life, telling you that you were not “on her side”. The last time you heard about her, she had divorced from her husband and was dating an old but rich CEO. She didn’t change at all, bitch was a sucker for money and status.
“Still Ji, you got to know me that night! You won in the long run, man!” you said, proudly flipping your hair.
“Aww! You’re so cute” he cooed, “True! What would I do without that adorable friend of mine that crashes my sofa each time they announce a storm” he said piling up the plates that had dried on the kitchen counter.
“Hey, it scares me okay?”
“Oh! I know you are scared but what the fuck am I suppose to do to protect you? I can’t stop the lightning from falling over your head!”
“YAH! You’re supposed to help me calm down! Not to scare the shit out of me!”
“Girl, you are so much cuter when you don’t have that badmouth!”
“I don’t want to be cute Ji! I just don’t want to die tonight! Did you see the sky? It’s gonna be hell of a storm, I’m telling you” you pointed to the window to mark your point.
“I hope we’ll survive!” he teased. He came closer to you and kissed your temple while one of his hands rested on your shoulder in a protective way. “At least you bought sushi! If we die tonight, it will be with a filled tummy. I have a new wine that will be perfect with it, too”.
“Ji, I don’t like it at all. I’m really scared. Don’t mock me”.
“I know, love! I’m just teasing you”.
Fun fact, you were not that scared of the storm anymore. Well, you were still scared but not petrified like you used to be. But because you had that habit of crashing his sofa and getting those nights in each time there was an appearance of a storm, you neglected to specify it to your friend.
“Anyway, I hope I didn’t ruin your plans. You can go, if you have a date you didn’t tell me about or something”.
“Nah, I have nothing to do that cannot be done from here, maybe just a little work. Plus, I have to protect you from the lightning with my super powers! What would you do without me?” he giggled.
You smiled at him tenderly. Jiyong was such a wonderful person. You were more than happy that you had the chance to call him your friend. He always had your back and you always had his. It was like that, you two against the world. For some reasons, each time something happens to one of you, the other would automatically feel it and call right away. It was like a premonition, a soulmate thing. It made you both smile and care for the other even more.
Of course, when one of you was in a relationship things got complicated. Your partners didn’t always understand that need you both have to call each other on a daily basis. “If she/he is so important to you, why don’t you marry her/him”? You both heard that often.
“Awww! You’re my personal superhero! I like that! By the way, before you arrived, I filled your fridge with side dishes and lunch boxes. I cooked for myself, so I brought you some”.
“You’re a bad liar, missy. You cooked for us, not for yourself only. You even bought us matching lunch boxes last month”
“True… I cooked for the both of us! And true, I bought it knowing it was matching, I couldn’t resist! Don’t make a big deal out of it, it was just too cute. Instead of a bff bracelet, we have bff matching lunch boxes” you exclaimed.
“Aaaaaw! Finally, you admit it was made to match! Thanks hun, I love the boxes and I love even more the food that you put in it”.
“My pleasure Mr Kwon! Let’s shower before it rains”
“ Why do you keep saying that?”
“It’s common sense and commun knowledge that you can’t shower or bathe when it rains in case there will be a storm, okay? I’ll go first”.
You ran to the bathroom before he had the time to argue. You knew what he was about to say anyway. He told you many times but you were still really scared of it. When you were a teenager, lightning crashed a utility pole near your house, causing an electrical fire. The strong winds had pushed the flames and your house was set on fire despite the heavy rain. It all happened while you were in the shower. That night, you were babysitting your little brother and you had to evacuate the house in a towel with him in your arms. The bad association of shower and strom had stuck in your head even though there was nothing dangerous for real. You were doing your best and you were fighting against your fear with all the courage that you had, but you still had to work more.
You turned the water off, got out of the luxurious shower and sighted with ease when your feet landed on the fluffy bath mat. Caressing the soft fabric with your toe, you wonder if you were walking on something that was worth more than the price of your car!
“Jiiiiii! Jiyong!" when he didn’t answer the tenth time you called out his name, you went out of the bathroom. You were wrapped in his bathrobe with your hair raised in a white towel “Where the hell are you?” you called out.
“YAH! Don’t swear love. It’s not cute” He was adding the dressing on top of a roasted veggies salad he just fixed for you. He didn’t like it but he knew it was your favorite. Therefore, he always kept the ingredients in his fridge to be able to serve you one. That and your favorite chocolate, your favorite champagne and wine, your favorite ice cream and so much more little things that you cherish.
“I don’t need to be cute because you already are whipped for me. Plus, I’m not your girl, so cute or not, you’re not supposed to care!”
“What are you saying? You’re the cutest girl of them all, why can’t you see it? You’re my sweet but bad mouthed girl”.
At that moment, he lifted his head and noticed how you were dressed. More likely, not dressed, in front of him. You were so cute with your concerned face, frowning with an obvious concern written on your face. He turned his head to look the other way around, covering his eyes with one hand and blushing shyly.
“I’m sorry I took your bathrobe but you were not answering me”.
“I didn’t hear you, what is it that you had to come here naked?”
“I’m not naked, relax for god’s sake! Plus a body is a body, we’re all constructed on the same pattern. So please, just calm down”.
“I can’t relax. You’re naked in front of me”
“Not naked, Sweet baby Jesus. You wanna see what naked really is?” You teased, toying with the knot of the dressing gown. Of course you would never open it and flash your naked body to him like that but he was annoying with his conservative ass and you felt a little bit provocative.
“Yah! Keep it for your man, you naughty!”
“Jesus Christ… I won’t undress, take it easy. Anyway, I’m done with the shower. I just wanted to tell you that it’s your turn. Go, before the storm starts, it’s so dark it will soon. I’ll get dressed in your room, okay?”.
Uncomfortable, he didn’t argue and ran into the shower.
He didn’t like to see you undressed, for some reasons. He was always telling you “love, can you buy longer skirts next time?”, “A bikini, are you kidding me? Why not a normal one piece swimsuit?”, “Please Y/n, don’t walk around the house in just a towel”. Jiyong had a vision of nudity that was beyond your comprehension. You never saw each other naked, that goes without saying. And of course, you never complied to his demands, telling him that you were not more or less dressed than other women of your age, which was true. You were not wearing revealing clothes anyway, he was just too old fashion. Maybe you were pushing it with the towel thing but hey! He was even worse than you, walking in his briefs way more often than you were ‘indecent’ yourself.
When he came out of the shower, you had comfortably draped your neck with a long scarf. You were wearing a Bigbang crop top with the inscription 'V.I.P for life" and short shorts that you wore to sleep only. A long cream cardigan buttoned up to your chin covered it all. You knew you wouldn’t need more clothes to stay warm, you had a big blanket resting on the armrest of his couch.
You finished assembling the plates with the sushi, served yourself an extra big portion of his salad and put it all on the coffee table in the living room. The wine and the bottle opener were waiting on the table with some nachos, salsa and candies for later. It was usually sitting on the floor with your back leaning against the sofa as you started the evening. Normally you weren't able to finish a movie because one or the other often fell asleep before the end. More likely, it was him that fell asleep. Then, you would always gently slide his head on a small cushion over your thighs and stroke his hair. At the end of the film, you never had the courage to wake him up, you knew that his sleep was precious and that he often suffered from insomnia. You let him in the same position and fell asleep with your head uncomfortably leaned against the couch. In the morning, he had moved and would be in a different position, on the floor. You didn’t know that he never realised the scalp and head massages. Tonight, he will notice though.
Jiyong had the bad idea to put a horror movie at night like this one, when you were already nervous. He didn’t think twice, as soon as the movie you wanted to watch for so long was out, he bought it for you. He was not a bit interested in it but he knew you would be happy.
“Tadam,” he cutely said when the title appeared on the screen.
“Oh, thanks Ji, you remembered”.
“Duh! Of course, you kept rambling about it for days” he teased.
“I’m happy, at least I’ll be scared for something else than the storm. It’s perfect”.
The movie had started and really soon, Jiyong knew that he wouldn’t make it through the end.
It was the thunder that awakened him. There was rain, lightning and strong winds outside. Despite the storm roaring, he felt enveloped in a big comforting bubble, cocooned under a blanket like a burrito. Above all, the familiar and comforting smell, your smell, that shielded him with security and pure happiness. He felt as if he was in a dream. He was too comfortable to open his eyes but he knew his head was on your thighs and it was your hands on his neck.
Your hands… on his neck!
You had slipped your fingers under his nape, cupping it, your thumbs resting gently on his throat. He felt vulnerable but yet, secure at the same time. He felt raw, in the most beautiful and pure way. He recognised your scent, your warmth, your breathing. What was he doing, lying on you like that? He wasn’t sure but he never felt like home more than right now. A little confused, he opened his eyes and analysed his surroundings.
You were concentrated on what was happening to the screen, softly murmuring advice to the characters in order to, as far as he could tell, not being murdered with a chainsaw.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid… Girl, at this point it will be natural selection… See, I told you! You deserved it, not gonna lie”
Jiyong smiled at your cuteness. This is when he felt your hands start to move on his neck.Your fingers were making a gentle downward pressure close to the base of the skull, you were stretching his neck muscles and it was orgasmic. He said nothing, did nothing and even stopped thinking. He refrained himself from groaning with pure happiness.
“See what you did there? How could you take such a dumb decision” still talking to the television. He wouldn’t be surprised if you start to throw food at the screen!
In this position, he could see you from a new angle. A “from above’ angle that gave him dirty thoughts. In a split second, that tender moment turned into a hunger. An intense impulse that he felt quite often recently. An unbearable desire combined with an impulse of the heart. It was a strange feeling, he had never felt like that before.
If he turned his face 90 degrees and went just a few centimeters down, he would be right at the good place to please you with his tongue and lips and fingers… Just the thought of it made blood boil.
“Woah Kwon Jiyong! Stop it!” he thought for himself. “Are you so horny that you will try to hit on your sweet best friend and ruin 5 years of a solid friendship? Damn it boy!” But also, dirty things happened between you, once. Maybe it was possible again… But was it what he wanted, a one shot deal? He was quite not sure about it.
Before he could stop his hormones from increasing, he felt his blood run directly to his crotch. He was so hard, it was almost as if all the blood contained in his body had decided to meet there. Your fingers continued to massage his neck, stretching the muscles, putting some pressure on different spots. You were completely unaware of his state, naive little creature that you were.
It could have been a perfect blissful moment but his fucking dick had interrupt. He knew it was unfair to stay like that, to let you massage him with the effect it had on the south direction his blood was taken. So, he took one of your hands and kissed your fingers before he sat up.
“Oooh, sleepy head. You’re awake?” you smiled at him with that beautiful smile of yours. You were not wearing any makeup, your hair was messy and your clothes didn’t match but you were just perfect like that. You had the most beautiful face he never saw in his life. How come he didn’t realise it sooner?.
“Hum mmm. You love the movie?” he placed a cushion on his middle to hide his erection.
“It’s good, yes! Are you okay? You’re pale!”
“Not surprising, the blood has left my head!”
“What? You have a headache?”
��Forget it. I’ll fresh up a bit. Be right back”
He used to good advantage the fact that your attention was again turned towards the screen. He got up in a hurry, hiding what he had to hide. He went to the bathroom and cleaned his face to cool down. Looking inside his briefs, he sighted!
“Fuck you Kwon Jiyong! Fuck! Fuck! What’s your problem? She’s your friend, dammit! She is just a sweet and cute girl. What’s happening to me recently? Why have I started to dream of her? Why did I start longing for her? What are those bubbly sensations that I feel when she’s coming home to me?”.
Recently, he had noticed that not only his body reactions were different but that his emotions had changed as well. That he was more and more happy to see you. That he had way more thoughts about you than he used to. To a point that he even refused a date with an interesting woman just to be able to call you on time, just because he had said “I’ll call you before 9”. He said it, he had to comply, right? What did you talk about? Sweet nothings but it was still a wonderful moment. He allowed himself a few moments for the blood gathered in his penis to turn back. He had a crazy hard time getting there.
Having the sensation that he was not feeling good, that something was not okay, you paused the movie and walked towards the bathroom.
“Do you need something Jiyong? You are really pale, I’m not joking. It seems like you have seen a ghost” you said as soon as he opened the door.
He was mad, but not at you. He was mad at himself for the reaction his body had. Confused too. He also knew that he couldn’t tell you what just happened because you would tease him for days. Or worse, you would exclaim a loud and clear disgusted “EEEW” to tease him. That he couldn’t support.
“Listen, I’m going to sleep early tonight. You can continue the movie, don’t wait for me”.
Without an explanation he left for his bedroom and closed the door. It was rude but it was a necessity.
You came back to the living room and sat on the couch. Your thighs were still mild with Jiyong’s warmth.
You couldn’t concentrate on the movie. What’s got into him? You stood up and walked towards his room, concerned. You just hope that he didn’t discover your ‘secret’.
3 years ago, on Christmas eve
After you finished hanging the garlands, you stepped back and enjoyed your hard work, satisfied. Yesterday, Jiyong announced that the band would not be able to fly to Korea for Christmas. Something happened with their schedule and unexpectedly they had to stay in Hong Kong a little longer before they would resume their world tour.
You didn’t want Jiyong and the boys to stay in their room and alone for Christmas. You had called Daesung’s girl of moment and Seunghyn’s sister and shared your plan with them. Youngbae’s girl had already joined him a couple of days ago. You would make a little reception for your boys. After all, no one should be alone on Christmas Eve. With the girls, you prepared it all.
“Can you taste the punch? I’m scared that I didn’t put enough rhum”
“I did taste it and it was perfect” you answered. “Seunghyun will add wine in his glass anyway, wait for it”
She laughed, it was exactly like his brother to do that.
“Oh, they’re coming. I’m so nervous” you told her.
In the plane for HongKong, you had decided to open up to Ji about your new feelings for him. Lately you had come to the conclusion that you were in love with him. What you thought was just a mere flirt at the beginning, soon turned out to be much more. It was love, with capital A. You had taken your time to analyse your feelings but it was kind of obvious. You were just not accepting the fact before, even though you were facing all the proof.
What is the first thing that comes to your mind in the morning? Jiyong.
Who do you want to hug when you feel the need to snuggle against someone? Ji.
Who’s hand do you want to hold, when you walk on the street or discover a new city? Yep! Jiyong again.
Who do you want to make love to, when you feel that need between your legs?
Who makes your heart skip a beat because of his cuteness?
Who makes you a horny mess when he smiles?
Who do you think will be the father of your children, when you imagine yourself nursing a baby?
Ji, Ji and Ji. Always him. He was your soulmate and the guardian of your heart. You couldn’t imagine a moment without him in your life. You wanted more. You wanted to take all of him. You had no choice but to tell him, you were not able to keep it for yourself anyway. He had even questioned you about the recent changes in your attitude. Soon, you won’t be able to hide it anymore, you rather should tell him while you were still having control over yourself. You were really scared of his possible rejection though. It was petrifying. But the possibility that maybe he shared the love was stronger and it made you so happy to imagine what you could become together. How your friendship would transform into love. Into love making. Into a deeper relationship.
It was decided. You will confess tonight, in the hotel room after the party. You’ll deal with the consequences later.
You were waiting for the boys in the suite that you had reserved. It was a simple room that the hotel rented for meetings or private events like tonight. Because it was Christmas, it was available and you didn’t have any trouble making a last minute reservation.
The door of the suite opened on Jiyong’s manager. He was aware of the little reception, you needed someone to drag the boys in. They entered the room one by one. You didn’t notice the happiness on their face when they discovered the 3 ladies waiting for them with food, alcohol and gifts, you were looking for Jiyong only. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. Seunghun came and closed the door for more privacy, already having a glass of punch in hands.
“Wait, Ji has not arrived yet”.
His features went grave but his voice remained soft and calm. He seemed sad. He seemed to be pitying you too, his concerned eyes looking at you the same way you imagine he will be looking at his child when he’ll say “Santa Claus doesn’t exist for real”.
“He won’t be coming. He had other plans for tonight, something that popped up. I’m really sorry”
“Is he okay? Where is he?”
“This morning, he met a woman in the restaurant of the hotel. A cute damsel in distress. Well, one thing after another, it turned out that he invited her to the concert. And well… they left together, if you know what I mean”.
Your heart started to beat really fast. You didn’t like the turn of the conversation. Seunghyun’s sister covered her mouth with a hand, shocked, as she realized what her brother was telling you. It seemed that they knew about your feelings for Ji. Were you that obvious?
“Oooh… Maybe she can come here too” you said but it was absolutely not what you wanted.
“I guess they’re having sweet fucking sex” Dae laughed as he looked as his girlfriend, implying that it’s what he will have too, later!
“Woah… okay… okay”
You sat on the couch next to you and held your head. There is no way in hell that you will let your pain show in front of Jiyong’s friends. But there was also no way you could stop the tears from falling down your cheeks. Without a word, you left the suite for the room that you rented, in case Ji would reject you.
You were still crying, the next day when he had knocked on your door and entered your room, all excited and agitated like a puppy. More likely, like a man who hit the jackpot recently. He seemed so happy about the night he had spent, butterflies dancing in his stomach as he was telling you how cute she was. How he had spent the night of his life. How he couldn’t wait to see her again. He was so excited and centered towards his own happiness that he didn’t notice your red and bloody eyes.
“Ji, don’t stay with me then. Go meet her right now! I guess she feels the same way and you’ll take it where you left it!”
“But you travelled all the way here and prepared such a sweet party for me and the boys! I saw the pictures, it seemed so much fun”.
“Yah! I’d rather stay with your friends and mine, by the way, than staying a minute longer with you while you imagine yourself having sex with another woman”
“Another? It’s not like I had that many women either”
It was not the sense of your word ‘another’ but you didn’t precise it. The word had slipped your lips anyway.
“True, I’m sorry. Go, Ji! Live up for your dreams! Wout! Wout!” you encourage him, fist up in the air with the biggest smile that you could to hide your sadness. Your eyes were your pain untold and you wish you would tell him everything.
“Sure, hun?”
“Yes, sure thing. We’re taking the plane tomorrow. If I don’t see you by then, here’s my new year kiss” you said, planting a smack on his cheek. You needed to kiss him and hold him, just for a second. To steal him from her and keep him for yourself only, a short instant.
“Merry Christmas Ji. I love you so much” you whispered. Of course, he didn’t catch the extra meaning you had implied “And may the new year bring you only happy moments, you deserve it”.
“Aaaw, Merry Christmas my sweet girl. May the year bring you a man that will make you happy, for once. You were unlucky lately”.
You laughed ironically.
“Nah, I’ll be okay on my own for a while. Go now”. How could he have unnoticed that you were in pure agony? That your heart had been pierced with a thousand arrows? He was always so attentive normally. That was a good thing though, you prefer him to be happy with her than unhappy with you.
“Thanks, you’re the best friend ever, so understanding. I’ll tell you everything in detail later”.
“... Have fun”
He left in a hurry without a single look back and it broke what remained strong inside of you. You crumbled on the ground, unable to support your own body weight any longer. You never thought you could be rejected by him without having a single chance to say a word. You never thought you would be broken like that. You will need a lot of courage to be able to face him again. But also, it would be worse if he disappeared from your life. There was no perfect situation here, either way you were losing a part of yourself.
“That man is so fucking stupid” you heard Seunghyun tell his sister by the door Jiyong had left open a moment ago. . “How could he do that? Is he blind?"
You closed the door, you didn’t want to hear more. You cried all day and night, curled up in the bed. You didn’t see Jiyong afterwards, while you were in Hong Kong. He didn’t come back from his cloud, therefore he didn’t come back to you.
He had stayed in a relationship with her for a whole year. The exact time it took you to get over him. Or did you really?
Present day
You tiptoed your way to his bed and benched in front of him. His eyes were closed, he seemed to be asleep already. In his sleeping state, he was frowning, this was unusual.
He was not but he didn’t say a word, still mad and shocked. He didn’t know how to deal with it, his sudden desire for you. He couldn’t just say “let’s fuck” and then pretend like nothing happened afterward, your friendship was on the line. The only time that something happened between you, something sexual, there was a context. And you didn’t ‘really’ do something together anyway. How can’t he forget about it? How can’t he put it aside and move on? Why was he trying to relive this with his partners afterward? But of course, it was impossible, they were just not you. He realised it now! If it was not that good with them, it’s because they were simply not the good person. They were not you.
“Ji, are you okay?” he heard you ask with worry.
No answer.
You placed a hand on his forehead to see if he had a fever. Satisfied by his body temperature, you retracted your hand with much concern. You knew him way too much to buy his sleeping state.
“Ji, I’m scared, you didn’t seem well tonight, you were really pale. I will sleep by your side to check on you, do you mind? Like we did before, when we checked on my niece. Okay? I can’t guarantee that I’ll be as good as you were though.”
No answer.
He clearly didn’t want to talk to you. Or was he sick and had passed away?
“If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I’ll squat the couch or the bed in the guest room. But the couch is more comfy. Would you prefer if I leave your house? The temperature is still bad outside but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me”
“Y/n, can you jump on the bed and shut the hell up so I can go back to sleep”? his tone was harsh.
Shocked, not sure how to take it, you did as he said and waited there, looking at the ceiling. You were cold but didn’t want to move or even less, to slide yourself under the comforter where he seemed so comfortable and warm. He was facing the other side and you could almost hear him thinking. The cat came in the bed and sat on his master’s pillow. Jiyong sighted, chased A-Ye and turned on his back. He didn’t say a word, didn’t look at you, didn’t move a single muscle afterwards.
It’s his sweet giggle that woke you up in the middle of the night. You had fallen asleep but obviously, he didn’t. From the lamp sitting on the bedside table emanated a warm and felted light. Jiyong was eating ramyeons while watching something on his cell. Confused, you sat up and rubbed your eyes.
“You seem better, it’s a relief”.
“I just realised something. Remember the other day when I joked about your google research?”
“YAH! How many times do I have to tell you, I did NOT search for blowjobs instructions”.
“I know now!” he laughed.
What happened was that, about 2 months ago, you made a google research on your laptop while you were waiting for him at his studio. You had written “How to give a good head massage” but the research bubble showed everything but the important last word. The word that changed the meaning of the whole sentence.
He didn’t want to believe you even when you showed him the page with explicit pictures of the head massage popping from the screen. He thought that you had just opened it fast, to save the appearances. He had teased you for days with that, mocking you gently.
“I told you that I wanted to use a new technique when I massage your head. You didn’t believe me”.
“Because I didn’t know you were massaging my head. Now, I get it”.
“Why didn’t you believe me?”.
“Why didn’t you massage my head when I’m awake?”
“I don’t know”
“I don’t know either”
Your eyes met and you both laughed out loud. You were happy to have your friend back, at least momentary. You still didn’t know what happened earlier.
“Will you stop mocking me with the blowjob thing, now?”.
“Yes, I already stopped when I noticed that you were mad for real… Sorry hun, I mocked you. I should have known better”.
“Excuses accepted. Now, let’s forget about it… please”.
He didn’t talk for a minute, you were both lost in your thoughts. You grabbed the chopsticks he was holding and swallowed a large portion of ramyeon, hungry.
“Ji”
“Hum?”
“Why were you mad at me tonight?”
“I was not mad at you at all, I was mad at myself”.
“Why though?”
“I’d rather not talk about it”.
“Okay then, but I’m here if you want to”.
“I know... Now go back to sleep and stop eating my ramyeons”.
“Nah, feed me more. I’m starving. AAAAAH” You opened your mouth for him to feed you one bite. He did and gave you his bowl and chopsticks without further discussion. He had decided to let you eat it all anyway.
“Here, take it”
“Mmmm, it’s delicious. Thanks Ji”
He looked at you closing your eyes to savor the noodles, not a single bit conscious that it would break him. He was so naive. When he heard the little moan that escaped your lips after you took a bite, he remembered everything you had said when you were talking about the ‘not blowjob’ research.
“You know, I talk with my partners, it’s their ‘instructions’ that I follow, not general tips made for a general audience on the internet. I adjust with their reactions too. Nobody loves it the exact same way”.
“Ji, for god’s sake! I told you that yes, I searched for that a long time ago, when I was young. From that, I improved my technique and I didn’t feel the need to search again. I wouldn’t be shy to tell you if I would REALLY have searched for it”.
and later that night...
“Please don’t believe that I’m a pro either, I’m not that good! It’s just that I really didn’t search. You know what, now that I think about it, I should search for it. We never know, maybe I could still improve” with a blink.
Eating your ramyeons with appetite, you were unaware of the thoughts spinning in his head. You didn’t know that your relation was about to take a complete new turn. That the image he had in his mind right was nothing but pure. You were also really naive.
2 years ago or the ocean event
Jiyong had decided to bring you to Hawaii like this, on the spur of the moment and for no actual good reason. Dae and his current conquest joined your improvised journey and the four of you had flight to the paradisiac island for a whole week of pure bliss.
You closed the door of your room and went down to meet Ji. He texted you that he was already down there, ready for the beach like you had planned before you split last night after you took a walk in the streets with the natives.
“Hun, were you able to sleep last night?'' he asked, rubbing his beautiful sleepy eyes when you met in the lobby. You walked outside and sat on a bench near the entrance to apply the sunscreen he handed you. Of course, he knew that you would have forgotten yours.
“Nope, there were people banging in the wall and screaming like if they were in distress or something. Did you hear that? Why did she have to yell like that? I would have shove my dick in her mouth if I was her partner, at least she would have shut the fuck up. It was so fake!”
“Woah! You’re violent! Good thing that you don’t have a dick. Don’t judge, you were not there. It’s just her way of expressing her pleasure, chill hun! No one is hurt”.
“Her pleasure? For 4 hours straight like that, no change in the pace! Come on Ji, you know better! She yelled all night long, how could that even be possible? No rupture in the tempo… No break, no slowing down, no changes in the play, nothing. It was fake, I’m telling you. Maybe they were filming porn…”
He laughed, you continued.
“In a way or another, she was annoying. But the bitch got fucked and not me. I guess that’s the reason why I’m so pissed” you added. Seeing his eyes widened, you smiled.
“What? I have needs too”
“I don’t want to know” he giggled, placing his hands over his ears. At this moment, Daesung arrived and sat between you and Ji. Looking at one after the other, seemingly in shock.
“Did you hear it?”
“We did” you answered, ready to complain with him.
“It was sooo hot, right? Woah! It gave me and Shirl a lot of audio stimulations. It was nice, we kind of followed their rhythm.” he seemed shocked but pleased at the same time. Without another word, he stood up and left abruptly. You watched him leave in silence.
“Ji, I hate all the couples in the world. All of them”.
“Someone is not in a good mood today. When is the last time you got laid, I can’t pinpoint it”
“Because I never tell you when I do, we don’t talk about stuff like that… but it was a long time. Maybe last year or something”
You were in a relationship with a beautiful man when you had realised that you were in love with Jiyong last year. You were still trying to forget Jiyong, compelling yourself to stop loving him. It was impossible.
“Damn… it’s been a long time. So, your last boyfriend then”.
“Yep… I won’t ask you since you were in a relationship till recently”
“True, she was the last one. 2 months is long... Wait, where are you going???”
“I’m going to calm my hormones in the ocean. I’m suddenly horny and need a distraction. Hopefully the water will be cold enough”
“I’ll go with you, I need it too”
You entered the water running and laughing like kids. You felt light, like there was nothing going wrong in your life or in the entire world. You felt detached from reality but in a good way. The flowing of the tide was languorous, the ocean was forging its own sea-song. The freshness of the water was invigorating. For at least an hour, you and Jiyong had bickered and played around, alone in your own little universe. You threw water at each other’s face, tried to immerse the other into the water, tried to surf on a cheap plastic plank that was abandoned on the shore, falling on each attempt and laughing like you didn’t have the chance to, lately. The only time you were out of the water was to take a sip of your drink that Daesung was keeping safe for you while sunbathing with Shirlee. It wasn’t quite a good idea to drink that much alcohol when horny … not a good idea at all.
“Y/n… It didn’t work!” Jiyong said sheepishly.
“I mean it’s water, it’s slippery… How could it worked” you answered, knowing exactly what he meant.
“Water turns you on?”
“Damn… not the water itself. But a wet body against another wet body… I mean… Oh, shit! I didn’t mean that you turned me on, it’s not like that. It just reminded me of, you know… things I did in the past”
It was a big fat lie. You never had sex in the water. But you won’t tell him that his hot and wet skin against yours made you even more needy than you were before. That the water dripping from his bang was sexy. That his muscular arms, shoulders and those damn abs were giving you bad thoughts. You couldn’t tell him anything like that.
“What are we gonna do about it?”
“I won’t do anything, what do you mean?”
“Well… maybe if we turn our back on each other, we can, you know… relieve ourselves. Together, doing our own little things but not... ”
“I got it Ji, no need to say more…”
Was it alcohol? The burning sun? His cute and so sexy smirk? For a moment, you played with the idea. Jiyong had reserved the most private resort he could find in the country and the beach was almost empty. You could see some people away but no one close enough to see anything that you were doing on the beach even less in the water. Some staff members were walking around, doing their own little things. No one cared about what you were doing. Beside, the water was deep blue and it was impossible to see through it. You could easily jerk yourself off under the depth water and no one would notice.
“But if we turn around, Daesung will get suspicious, he will think we fight and start asking questions. He’s watching over us, you know”.
“Yes… But I can’t get out of the water hun, my cock refused to calm down”.
“You have a big problem, man. I’m so sorry for you” you mocked.
“You’re not helping at all” he was almost annoyed. You understood how he felt, after all, you were horny too. You were both adults, there must be a solution. After all, he proposed something interesting.
“Ji, you know, your hands are in the water right now and I see nothing. Go a little deeper, we won’t notice your arms and shoulders. Turn the other way around, that way you won’t see me while you… you know. I won’t see anything for sure. Don’t worry. Do what you have to do, I won’t look”
“Are you serious? What about you?”
“I’ll be just fine, no worry. I can wait for when I’m in my room”.
“Sure? Ok, you’re amazing!” he smiled widely.
You didn’t know it but as soon as he turned around, he was not so into it anymore. Maybe it was the thought of doing it with someone that was so exciting. A cute and stunning lady… so sexy in her bikini.
You had turned around to let him do his thing but horny you were too. Not to mention, Jiyong, the man you loved in silence for a complete year was about to stroke himself right now, you won’t miss it so you swan towards him. He was in a deep zone, but still able to touch the ground unlike you. You arrived from behind and hugged him tightly, your arms snaked around his neck, your knees keeping balance on each side of his hips, carefully not circling him.
“Is it good?” you murmured.
“What are you doing?”
“Joining the party” You didn’t know, but there was no party so far. His penis had even softened back to its almost normal size.
“Ooooh….”
Where Jiyong was standing you couldn’t reach the bottom, the water level reached your mouth, you tried and you choke on the salted water. You had to keep a hand on him.
“Hun, stay where you are, let’s do it together, but not together. Is it okay with you?”
“Oh Jiiii… I’ve already started” you purred.
“But you’re holding me…”
“Yes, I’m holding you. I won’t drown for an orgasm”.
“Fair enough… I shall get going too, then”
He was clearly not as cocky as he was 2 minutes ago. You figured that you surprised him with your initiative.
“If you prefer, I’ll leave you alone, no worry”.
“You know, I have a voyeur side inside of me, I love this idea too much to let you go”
“Good, cause I’m a tiny bit of an exhibisionnist… well, a big bit finally” you cutely added, knowing it was not an actual word.
He smiled and looked at you above his shoulder, shocked but excited to discover that spicy side of yours.
“Perfect match then” he stated.
“Turn your face around, put your hand on your dick and stroke yourself… let me do my thing…” you palmed his neck and guided his face the other way around so he would be looking at the ocean instead at you, holding onto his back like a baby koala.
“Lord, help me cause I’m a sinner”
He attentively tried to catch a hint on what was happening on his back. You were holding onto his shoulder with one hand and he didn’t see anything, didn’t feel anything. You were cautious not to make any wave. He wanted more visuals, not that he needed it. Just to add some zest to the experience.
“Are you doing it?” The tone of his voice, his signature soft voice, was the most comforting and exciting thing at the same time. He had the cutest and the sexiest tone ever.
“Ji, shut the fuck up”, you said a little short of breathe. So, you had started, he thought.
“Come on, give me something, love. Are you really masturbating?”
You stopped and this is when he noticed the difference of motion in his back, the difference of pressure your knees applied on his hips in order to stay still despite the waves. Suddenly, it was quieter, this is how he knew that indeed, you were doing it subtly.
“You want me to leave you alone?”
He turned around abruptly. Now facing you, the lust in his dark chocolate eyes was sparkling. A sight that you imagined so often, lightning up his beautiful features for your eyes only to see. Not to mention the sunlight gently caressing his skin. His eyes half closed because of the sun. His damped messy hair carelessly falling on his forehead and temples. This vision itself was enough for your heart to melt and your core to liquefy.
“Y/n, I don’t want you to leave. It’s just that I didn’t know if you were doing it for real, I want, I don’t know… I would like...”
“Don’t hold back, tell me exactly what you want, cause I’m horny here and I need to do something about it” you told him as you touched your thigh, a soft caress along your skin, looking straight into his eyes. You didn’t begin but you knew that the moment to come will be pure. Unselfish. Undemanding. Free.
He looked at the movement of your shoulder, he couldn’t see below that level. He wished he had chosen a turquoise and clear sea to be able to see everything that was happening under.
“I’m not sure of what I can ask in this kind of situation”
“Just if you still really want to, think of us as partners in crime. We’re 2 needy adults that consent to masturbate side by side. We won’t touch each other, just be together while we’re both having fun with ourselves like you just suggested. Let’s say that everything that happens in the ocean, stays here in the ocean. We won’t remember it once we reach the shore and we’ll never talk about it anymore. Deal?”
“You’re wonderful. Deal”
“Now… close your eyes and touch yourself”.
Strangely, you were not uncomfortable with the situation. You knew that no matter what happened, you would be safe and respected. He would never mock you or judge you. You were free to be and act in complete harmony with your desires, without holding anything back. It was the perfect foundation for a meaningful dirty play. In that moment, your chemistry became an ever-bright flame.
He moved his hand down but refused to look anywhere but straight to your eyes. He never saw that luxurious expression on your face, never heard that carnal voice, almost too low to be heard. He needed to hear you moan. Were you the type to hold back because too shy to be heard? He doubts that, now. He wonders if you were more of a high-pitched sounds or a guttural moaner. Suddenly, it was the most important question to be answered.
“What are you doing?” This is when the now ‘face to face’ thing became more interactive. His piercing gaze was on you, it’s you that he was looking at, no one else.
You smirked. He wanted to play that game, well you were hell of a player!
“You wanna know how I touch myself?” your voice was a low murmur, it sent shivers down his spine.
“Yes, tell me…” he gulped, unable to guess what was ‘really’ happening under the blue sea. How do you like to be caressed? What makes you cum?
“Right now, I’m taking it really slow and superficial…”
You paused to breathe. For obvious reasons, the oxygen demand in your cells has increased with all the symptoms that comes with it: fast heartbeat, short breath, your senses on red alert.
“I’m too excited, the second I touch my clit or slide a finger in, I will cum. I love that you’re asking me. It’s fucking hot” you miraculously were able to say.
“Your answer is hotter, believe me. You look really beautiful like that… So sexy… tell me in detail everything that you’re doing”.
“I’m pinching my clit, I need to calm down... now squeezing it between my palms, it’s good” you moan softly. After a moment you shivered and it seemed that you stopped touching yourself, taking your hand out of the water to show him.
“You were about to cum?” he smirked
“Fuck yes”.
“You love to touch yourself with me? You love that I look at you pleasuring yourself?”
You nodded, nothing else needed to be said. He grabbed your free hand, your right one, and nibbled every single fingertips, sucking gently.
“It doesn’t taste anything but salt, damn it!”
His longing eyes never left yours. Just that, him desiring you, dirty talking to you, was sending you over the moon. He gently guided your hand in front of your core and his came back where it was: on your hip.
“Jiii… now, I’m scratching it all with my nails, it hurts and it’s fun at the same time… ”
“YOU WHAT? Woah! You love when it’s painful?” he exclaimed, shocked. You were not exactly how he imagined you would be, sexually speaking. To be honest, he thought you were a sweet vanilla girl, one that prefers convenient sex more. That frosted side that he was discovering, pleased him a lot.
“I love it when it hurts a little bit… I love when it burns… I love when it’s sucked hard. What are you doing?” you breathe slowly between each affirmation.
“Looking at you only, at the moment… I think I will cum in my pants just like that! Hands free orgasm! I bet your clit is swollen right now...”
“Let me see… oooh yes... It’s really sensitive. I’m tracing small lines up and down, it feels good. I won’t last long… I let my nail trails his way up… omph”
Your clit was indeed overflowing with blood. Knowing that Jiyong was watching made you more sensitive than you ever was before. Now that it has started, there was no way out of the game. You couldn't move away from his gaze even if you tried, like he’s eyes have short circuited your mind in the best possible way.
“So beautiful... Do you imagine your fingers to be someone else?”
“Nah! I’m right here with you, it’s already really arousing”
Of course, you won’t tell him that it’s his fingers that you imagine as you rubbed smooth circles across your clit.
“Ji… It’s good… Now, I slide 3 fingers in… it’s so good… Jiii… I’m gonna cum… Oh lord… I knew I wouldn’t last”
“I can see it… I feel your hips love… I bet you’re thrusting to meet your fingers, right? … you’re so hot”
You closed your eyes as you locked your hips against your hand, hitting your spot right away. With Jiyong’s obvious enjoyment, the ultimate pleasure hit you. You quivered erratically and in the process you pressed yourself against him. His wet and slippery chest against yours was enough material for your next 5000 lonely nights. When your mouth founded his shoulder, you sank your teeth onto the trapeze muscle and took a big bite of him. You needed it to suppress your moans. He continued to encourage you, despite the pain.
“Don’t stop now, I’m sure you can surf on it a little longer… that’s it love… Softs movements this time, give yourself some tenderness, my wild flower… softer with your teeth too, please” he asked, cutely and you released some pressure on your teeth but kept your mouth there. “That’s it, moan for me… you make the hottest sounds I’ve ever heard”.
He was right, the orgasm lasted for a little while. Jiyong was holding you firmly against him, his head tilted against yours as he whispered sweet dirty words.You stopped the motion of your hand and stayed like that, holding onto him tightly. Pressing your whole self against his perfectly sculpted body. His soft skin. His melodic speaking voice. You needed time to calm your breath and heartbeat. It was a one shot deal, you decided that you will take the best out of it for the time it lasts. Therefore, you snaked your arms around his neck, cautious not to touch his middle where his length was probably throbbing. The thought of it made you almost cum again, it certainly didn’t calm the fire that was still burning. Exhausted and feeling really brave, you’ll deal with the consequences later, your nose found the crook of his neck and you nuzzled against his watered and sun warmed skin, drops falling down on both of you from his damped and sexy hair. This intimate and loving contact was risky for your heart but his neck was so prettily offered, you couldn’t resist. It was hard not to nibble onto him. To kiss him. To taste him. To tell him that you love him.
You breathed slowly in his warmth for a moment, your body still trembling softly from the powerful orgasm you just had but mostly because of the proximity with him. The sensation of his strong arm holding your laps against his side while the other rested on the curve of your back, it was overwhelming.
“Your turn, now!” he needed his relief too, you hoped that you will be as hot for him as he was for you.
“Yes love, but can I do something first? You don’t have to say yes. I would like...”
“Don’t ask my permission, it’s our moment and I doubt that you want to do something that will harm me. Just do it”
He smirked, a fucking smirk that would have put you on your knees. A smirk that was never directed to you before. His hungry eyes were half closed but his gaze remained sharp. He was perfect. You felt his hands slide under your arms and played with the bikini top on your back.
“I want to feel you against me, may I?”
“Help yourself” you smiled, letting him play with the fabric of your top. It was so tiny, his fingers were gracing your skin and just that little contact was electrifying.
“What’s going on Ji? Is there a problem?” You teased as you joined your hands on the back of his neck, forearms on his shoulders.
“Hun, where is the tie?”
It was your turn to smirk. He frowned, scrutinizing your face. You were preparing something, it was obvious.
“Remember my bikini? The knot under my boobs is what you’re looking for”.
“Oh my god! Like a bow on a gift! Isn’t easy to pull on a string and strip your boobs naked”
“Han, han!” you purred, with a tone that implied that you didn’t mind the strip tease. You teasingly stroked his calf with your foot. “So, what are you gonna do about it? If you want to feel my chest against yours, you know what you have to do”, you said, defying him.
“Are you challenging me?” he asked as his hands found your neck. His thumb traced a line down your throat and went lower to the swell of your breast. A soft and light caress, almost too soft to be felt. He wanted to tease you too, you were way too cocky and he needed to show you how he too, could be in control.
“Who’s challenging who now? You’d like me to pinch those nipples, right? To rub them between my fingers”
He said as he brought both hands in front of your boobs as if he wanted to grab them. But he never touched you. He stayed close enough for you to feel his warmth, feel a little contact here and there throughout the thin fabric, but never touching you for real.
“I’m sure you have a sensitive breast and that you are screaming from the inside right now. You would like to be touched so badly. Am I right?”
“...” excited at the idea, you could do nothing but grasp.
“Answer me, love”
“Yes, I would love your hands on my breast” you gulped.
“Well, too bad, you set the no touching rule” he winked “But I’ll free them and you’ll soon feel me, don’t worry”. It was ‘his turn’ and yet, you felt the center of the attention. The tables had to turn.
His fingers slid down your breastbone, caressing your skin. There, he was touching you for real and it put you on fire again. He knew what he was doing, he noticed your shivers. When he found the bow, tied just under the swelling of your breasts, he had fun with the fabric before tearing the cords apart. Very slowly he pushed your bikini top to the side, his eyes on yours.
“So sensitive”
“Remember Ji, it’s no touching and no looking.”
“You’ll be the end of me, you little brat”
He wasted no more time. With one hand, he grabbed you by the hip and dragged you closer. He turned his feet to the side to move his pelvis away from you and surrendered completely to what was to follow.
“Can I guide you?” You asked timidly.
“Yes, I’ve never tried that… Go ahead, be my hand”.
It was true. He had met willing women before but never playful the way you were. You were a mixture of sexy, dominant, cute and submissive. You loved it rough too, it seemed, even though what you were doing was quite soft. A perfect match for him.
“You’ll do exactly what I tell you to do. Okay?”
“Of course”
“Good… Let’s go… are you touching yourself right now?”
He showed you his free hand, the one not holding you.
“Let’s switch hands. I want you to hold your dick with your left…”
“YAH! Why my left? It’s not the good hand” he interrupted
“Oh, I know that” you winked “Go, now. Good!”
He sulked in annoyance but was ready to follow your lead nevertheless so he had switched arms. His right one was holding you against him, on that he won’t compromise.
“Very good Ji, let’s run your thumb on the tip slowly. Is it good?”
“Don’t apply much pressure on your shaft, keep your hand loose around it. We’re taking it slow!”
“I feel so vulnerable and so powerful at the same time, it’s ecstatic… I want more, give me more”
“ Shhhhh, one thing at the time. Don’t go too hard on it ok, gentle touch. Grab the skin between your penis and balls. Squeeze gently. Use your fingertips, it’s good, I see you love it. Palm it gently while your fingers tickle your balls… good… your face is telling me that we are doing a good job” he had closed his eyes shut. His breathing increased already.
“I need more”
“You’ll have more, shut it. Don’t hold your moans back though, ok? I want to hear your pleasure. Not too loud… that’s it, in my ear”.
“Baby can I stroke myself?”
“No, you can’t! Let go of me, I’ll stay in place no worry, look I’m rubbing myself against you… Good… Put your penis between your palms and roll your hands in opposite directions. If you like when it hurts, put more pressure, roll… roll… roll…”
His face twisted in pleasure, moans slipping from his lips.
“Never done that to my dick, it feels good. Is this how you give a handjob?”
“I might do it, yes”
“mmmm, it feels so good baby… aaah”
You let him proceed and before you noticed a sign of impatience, you continued.
“Now, if you’ve never touched yourself like that, or never been touched like that, it might seem surprising. But obey, it will be good”
Curious, he opened his eyes and looked at you smirking.
“Okay…”
“Take your glands between your thumb and index and squeeze very geltly. Apply this pressure all around the circumference. Don’t brush your fingers together, it will hurt. Just put pressure. Squeeze... Are you there? Keep your fingers smooth but be firm on the grip. Press firmly.”
“It feels so good… aaah”
“Apply as much pressure as you can take. It has to be a little painful, but just a little Ji, we want it to be fun”.
The only sounds slipping from his lips were soft moans. He seemed to enjoy the touch. Maybe you surprised him. You hope you did.
“Open your eyes Ji. I want you to know that it’s with me that you are jerking off with. Keep those eyes on me”.
“Of course it’s you… you’re the only one here with me”
“I certainly hope so. Now, circle the base of your cock with your thumb and one finger, only one. Don’t put too much pressure. Are you doing it?”
“Yes…”
“Move your hips back-and-forth. Fuck your own hand slowly, gently… Good job! It’s increasing, isn't it?”
“Yes, I could cum like that”
“Then loosen your fingers, loosen it right now!”
“I fucking hate you” he was frustrated but he obeyed nevertheless.
“I know you do, I know… I’m so mean when you were so good for me” you took your sweetest voice, your innocent voice. One that he didn’t know you had.
“Keep your fingers loose and pump now, real slow. How does it feel?
“Way too good… but it’s not my hand”
“Ooooh, may I ask?”
“Yours” he said, looking straight into your eyes, waiting for your reaction. You blush, shy.
“Does my hand feel good, around your cock?” you were already back to the play.
“It feels better than mine...” he murmured.
“Amazing, now, put more pressure around your cock and go just a little faster with those hips. Fuck yourself in my hand”
He moaned, sweet sounds falling from his lips. You pressed yourself against him, your hard nipples caressing him as you both breathed in and out slowly.
“You love it, when I guide you?” you whispered in his ear.
“mmm” he moaned
“Use your words”
His eyes started to roll back, aroused. It was beautiful to witness. He was weak on his legs, holding still with a solid grip on your hip.
“I love when you guide me”.
“I can see that you do. Let go of your cock and play with your balls a bit. Squeeze them. Feel their weight”
“Jesus Christ… I was about to cum
“Oh, I know” you teased murmured in his ear. “But I’m not ready to let you just yet. Are you playing with your balls?”
“Hum, hum...I never loved to play with my own balls before today…”
“Can you use both hands? Yes? okay. Grab your cock with your fist and stroke not so gently while the other hand squeeze your balls… good, you’re doing good… Stroke again slowly but with a strong grip. Ji, slow down, I see you are cheating. Good… Twist your shaft when you come up, slowly, does it feel good?” His grin told you that he really enjoyed it.
“Yes…. ah… Y/n, you’re evilish”
His sweet sounds, his voice that you always found so soothing, was now turning you on, it lit a fire between your legs. Again.
“Faster baby, faster…. Now stop”
“What? No…I can’t stop” he continued to stroke, you could tell by the movement of his shoulder.
“No?”
“Y/n… I’m… aaaah… Argh” he could barely stay on his feet while he ejaculated in a violent burst, screaming your name out loud.
“ARE YOU GUYS OKAY”? You heard Daesung asked from the beach.
“DON’T WORRY DAE, HE WALKED ON A SHELL” you answered, your eyes on Ji.
The sight of him as he reached his orgasm was the definition of beauty and hotness. He was perfect and so was the moment. His head tilted to the side and his mouth twisted open, he was in a blissful agony.
“aaah… aaaah”
“Don’t you dare stop moving your hand, you have more juices, I’m sure of it. Feel me against you, imagine it’s my hand, mouth, core… Whatever you prefer but keep going. I want you to empty that load… Stroke yourself… continue”
One last softer moan, a great final thrill and he was done. You felt his whole body relax against yours and his face fell on your shoulder, panting. He kissed it gently as soon as his lips landed on your skin. He was breathing heavily in your ear, the most endearing melody of them all. Combined with the murmur of the waves, it couldn’t be more perfect.
You were not sure if your heart would survive this. Not sure at all that you will be okay with him, having a girlfriend later, now that you know how he sounds like when he was having sex. How he feels. How he looks. How playful he was. You don’t think that you will be able to breathe, imagining him with another woman. Making love to her… No, you don’t have the right to think like that… You were just a lost case.
You moved away from him and gave him your most reassuring smile. He cannot know what’s got into your mind right now. That suddenly, instead of letting go of him, you would do the exact contrary. You would snuggle yourself against him and stay there forever and ever, in the comfort of his arms.
“Thank you, it was… I have no words. And we didn’t even touch!”
“I know, right?”
“Will you be okay with it? At home, I mean”.
“Absolutely” you lied “You?”
“Okay, good then. Good. Me too.” He showed no signs that it could be otherwise.
Both amazed by what just happened, you walk away from each other. Reality was hitting you both and you didn’t seem to want that moment to end. Neither of you. But you had to go back to your reality now.
You wanted to fix your bikini top but he stopped you, grabbing your hand between his, keeping them against his chest.
“Let me do it, hun. With the non touching thing and in the middle of the ocean, the aftercare are limited. At least, let me put it back in place for you”.
You nodded, he continued.
“You’re okay? Are you always that rough with yourself?” he asked as you placed the triangle back in place, this you won’t let him do. You felt no judgement in his tone though, just curiosity.
“I was not rough today, Ji. I even showed you my vanilla side”.
“What we did was soft, I agree. But the way you caress yourself, and me indirectly, it was not the softest touch. I didn’t know you had that in you. It was nice, I loved it”.
“Agreed, it was really nice”.
He tied the knot back in place between your boobs. After one look to approve his doing, he declared that you were all good to get out of the tub.
“Do you regret it?”
“I don’t. You?”
“Nope”
“What happened in the water stays in the water?”
“Absolutely. Let’s forget it ever happened even though it will be rough”.
You swam towards the shore gently, side by side, as if nothing sexual ever happened.
“Do I have a mark on my shoulder”.
“Oooh, that? Oopsie” you answered cutely.
“You think you’re a shark or something? Jesus, it will hurt for days”
“I’m sorry but not sorry at the same time, it’s hard to explain” you teased.
“You little brat”
“Am I?” You shrugged “But how are you gonna hide it from Dae?”
“I won’t, I’ll say that I’ve been bitten by a fish. Even better! I’ll say that mama shark bite me”
You both laughed and you realised that he had swam behind you. Snaking his arms around your waist, he said
“Thanks Y/n, seriously. I won’t talk about it, it’s the deal. But it will be really hard to forget”
“Agreed. Thanks to you too, it wouldn’t have been that magical without you”.
Even though you didn’t really touch each other, you felt connected to him in the most beautiful and voluptuous way. A bittersweet feeling invaded you. You didn’t regret what happened but you wish you could have more of him. All of him. His love, for example.
Before you parted, the aching to be in his arms began anew.
Present day
When you opened your eyes later that morning, you were laid under his comforter. For some reason, at the end of the night you were agitated in your sleep and couldn’t rest comfortably. It gave you a weird feeling of anxiety. Was it because you were in Jiyong’s bed? In 5 years of friendship, the only time that you found yourself here was when your niece got sick. More likely, pretended to be dying from a runny nose just to be taken care of by the man of her dreams, the one and only Jiyong oppa, as she called him so cutely. Jiyong was so endearing to watch as he rubbed camphre on her back with caring hands. He was taking care of the sick little princess as if she was really dying. It was touching and cute and adorable. It’s probably then that you realised that he was the man you loved. Damn, it was already 3 years ago, how can time fly that fast?
“What makes you smile like that” his voice was sleepy and soft. So soothing and familiar that you calmed down a bit. At least, felt less out of place.
“I just remembered when the little princess slept here, between us. She used all sorts of tricks to get you to take care of her. Damn, I should learn from her, she can get what she wants just clicking her little chubby fingers. She mastered the art” you joked.
“Aaaw! She was so sweet. It was fun to take care of her with you. I felt like I was a king”
You burst out laughing.
“Duh! I couldn’t take care of her, she only wanted you. Jiyong oppa here, Jiyong oppa there”.
You turned to face him, holding your head in your hand. It seemed that he was awake for a little while, he had filled an entire notebook with lyrics, drawings and song ideas.
“You couldn’t sleep”? you asked, reaching out to pull back a strand of hair that was falling before his eyes.
“Nope, you snore too much,” he joked as he felt one finger grazing his skin. How could such a simple contact could feel so good? Because it was you, probably.
You knew he was teasing you. For some reasons, you felt the need to get closer to him. To cuddle up with him. To show him that whatever happened last night, you were there, by his side. But not knowing how he would react, you restrained yourself from doing it.
“Jiyong, can you believe that in 5 years, it’s the second time that I sleep in your bed? It’s so comfy, we should be doing it more often”
“You… you want to sleep in my bed?”
“Relax loverboy, I said it like that. I just realised that whenever I sleep here, it’s always on the couch… I didn’t mean anything. Anyway. I’ll get going, I have to work in the afternoon”.
“Already? Normally you stay a little longer. Can you stay a little longer?”
“What’s gotten into you? Last night you didn’t talk to me. This morning I want to let you have your space and you want me to stay. I’m not following, Ji”.
“Well, I really want you to stay. I need to clear up my mind. I need to…” he stopped when your body crashed against his. His hands came to rest on your back, his nose on the top of your head. You felt so good against him with your scent invading him, it was endearing. He knew your intention was to comfort him. He knew you were just worried, thinking that something bad was going on. Maybe that was it, after all. Maybe it will soon be the end of your friendship because of his stupid ass.
“I’ll stay like that for 5 minutes, then I’ll leave. I really need to get going, I have some shopping to do before my shift. If you want to talk, I’m here. Otherwise, I’ll just listen to your heartbeat and relax before the day starts. You’re so comfy, Ji.”
You snuggled closer against him. His delicate smell was so familiar and appealing at the same time. You didn’t know where to place your hands, though. Hugging was not a habit of yours. Even less hugging in bed like that. In what situation did he put himself, he wondered.
“I might have a question… Do you remember what happened in Jeju Island last year? Do you remember the kiss that we shared?”
You froze. You didn’t see it coming at all. Why asking you this after all this time? You coughed, sign that you were uncomfortable. Clearly, you knew what he was talking about. And your little cough won’t be unnoticed or misinterpreted by his sharp ass. He continued.
“Do you think about it, sometimes?”
“No, why would I?” you giggled, nervously. There was nothing funny with his question. “Sorry Ji, I didn’t mean to laugh, it’s not funny. You caught me by surprise”
“I do, think about it… From time to time, I do. Lately, I think about it even more often”
You moved away from him and laid on your back. You shouldn’t have come in his bed last night. You had crossed a line and it could be misinterpreted by him. What have you done?
“Why, though?"
“Do I need a reason to remember good memories? You know, it was not a simple peck, it was so passionate and emotional. I’ve never been kissed like that before or after. Of course, I will think about it”.
“Well, yes, I do think about it too, indeed”.
Your eyes met his. He seemed sad, desperate and shocked. Something was happening in his life and he needed to remember comforting moments, you thought. Maybe he felt that raw and pure love that you had for him, when you kissed.
“You loved it?”
“What’s that question? Ji, you’re making me feel uncomfortable. You were there, do I really have to tell you how I felt? Didn’t you feel me? See me? I have nothing to add.”
“Don’t be mad at me, please. I was just… I don’t know. But please, I beg you, don’t be mad at me today”.
“I’m not mad, I just don’t want to think about it, it won’t do any good. Listen, I have to go. I forgot that I have to give a lift to a coworker”.
“You’re running away from me” he said, grabbing your side to keep you from standing up.
“Yes. I am, I admit”.
“Please don’t leave me like that”
“Ji, I will be back, I’m not cutting ties with you. I just need to work. And when we meet again, I don’t want you to remember that kiss… or talk about it”.
“Then, what about the other thing we did, in the ocean?”
“Ji, stop. I don��t want to remember any of it….”
“Why? Do you regret what we did?” he wondered.
You tried to escape the bed but he dragged you closer to him instead. He captured you in his arms and kept you there. You still felt safe and you knew that he would let go of you the second you ask for it. Despite, you didn’t move back.
“I promise I won’t talk about any of it… But, please. Can I please hug you a little longer. I need to… I just need it”.
He was so emotionally raw that you couldn’t refuse. After all, you will never be able to escape Jiyong for good, will never have the wish to do so anyway. You relaxed in his arms and gently leaned your head on the same pillow as him. He felt all the muscles of your body relax at the same time and you melted in his arms, cute little spoon that you were. Finally, you had let go.
“I lied. Not only do I want to talk about it, I also want to do it again. I want to do it all the time” he said. But it’s your cute little snore that answered on your behalf. You had fallen asleep, in the security of his arms.
“You chose your moment to fall asleep, you little brat” he laughed.
It was a good thing that you didn’t hear it. It won’t risk your friendship for a dirty play. He couldn’t lose you, you were too important for him. He won’t let that happen. With a kiss on your head, he pressed his legs against the back of yours. Then, he abandoned himself to sleep, too.
Last year, sharing one hot kiss.
With a bunch of friends, you had rented a few condos units in Jeju Island to celebrate Jiyong’s birthday. He had a girlfriend at that time but it’s during this week-end that she had decided to break up with him, telling him that he was “too much to handle” for her liking.
What was supposed to be a fun week-end, turned out to be a blast for everybody except for Jiyong and you. How were you supposed to be happy when your best friend was crying alone outside in the dark.
“Leave me alone, Y/n. I just need some time”.
“I know, don’t worry, I only brought you a blanket, it’s frisky tonight!”
He noticed that indeed, you had laid a big comfy blanket on his shoulders. You knew better than him! He was cold and didn’t even notice. He sighed, heavy.
“See? I didn’t realise that it was cold. How can I notice that she was unhappy with me when I can’t even notice when the temperature drops”
“Ji, I know it hurts, believe me, I know…”
“Duh! As far as I know, you’ve always been the one to leave.Have you ever been dumped?”
“No, I haven’t but I know how a one side love feels like”.
“You never told me that you were in love with someone that doesn’t love you back…”
He was talking very slowly, struggling with his pronunciation. He probably won’t remember any of it tomorrow.
“I don’t tell you every single thing that happened to me. Listen, I’ll leave you alone. Text me if you need me, I’ll be here in a second”.
“Nah, stay here and share that bottle of vodka with me”.
He had caught sight of the bottle you were holding with one hand. Sitting by his side, you had handed him the precious liquid. He took a long sip, making an appreciation sound when he was done.
“Aaaah! Thanks, hun. The lost cause is happy”.
Judging by his speech and his general condition, it was far from his first consommation tonight. He was wasted. Once again, you stayed silent. You knew he was having an emotional breakdown right now, you’ve been there yourself. He was so in love with that model and he didn’t see it coming at all, of course he was broken. It was breaking your heart to see him that sad.
“You must be happy, right? You never loved her!”
“You think I’m happy when I can feel your sadness with every cell of my body?”
“You heard me”
“Jiyong, don’t go there. We’ll fight and I don’t want to fight with you”.
“Pfff. I know what you are thinking”.
“You don’t know, stop being like that”.
“Or what?”
“Or nothing. Just stop. I explained myself many times before. You know why I never loved her. But she seemed to make you happy so I was making great efforts not to get in your way”.
“Ooooh, is this why I didn’t see you the last month or so?”
“Damn, didn't you realize that I had been discreet so as not to harm your relationship with the asshole”?
“I told you, I’m too stupid to realise what’s under my nose. She is right, I didn’t take good care of her”.
“Okay, Ji, that’s enough. She was a manipulative woman, she was using you to boost her own career. You did everything to please her and yet she asked for more. I told you all that before but you didn’t believe me. Next time, trust my intuition. I’m never wrong”.
“I thought you were jealous”.
“I wasn’t jealous. I was mad because she was treating you badly and you refused to see it. But yes, you’re right too. I was jealous… I got to see you less because of her and it hurt. You didn’t even notice that I disappeared from your life, it pissed me not gonna lie”.
“Oh no! Shit. I’m gonna throw up”.
He did throw up for almost 30 minutes outside in the parking lot and even after, when he laid in bed. You couldn’t let him in that state, scared that he might vomit in his sleep and choke on it. That night, you didn’t close your eyes, looking out for him. Wiping his mouth after each puke, cleaning the floor, giving him water, meds and fresh linen for his forehead. You did it because this is how he deserves to be treated. With care and affection.
Just before going back in Seoul, as you were about to close the door of the condo that you had rented for yourself, he appeared behind you and snaked his arms around your chest, in a protective manner.
“Y/n… I want to thank you for staying by my side all this time. I know you wanted to try hitting on Jae but you couldn’t because of me. Thanks, I really appreciate it. And I’ll invite him over for you to meet again.”
“Don’t mention it, it’s alright. And turns out that Jae is a douche, so forget it”.
“What happened?”
“Well, yesterday morning, he came out of his condo with 2 girls under his arms”.
“What’s the problem? If they all consented…” you closed the door and turned towards him. He was clearly not getting the point here.
“Problem is, he didn’t invited ME”
“Ooooh…. I see”.
“No, you cannot get it. You don’t know what it is because you have never experienced it. All the girls are at your feet. You enter a room and all eyes are on you. Women want you, men want you. Elders want you as their son-in-law. You don’t know what it’s like to feel ugly, unnoticed and unwanted. I’m sorry but you…”
You couldn’t finish your phrase. He stepped towards him and held your face in his chest, whispering soft words in your ears while you cried not so cutely. You felt good, thus wrapped in the comfort of his arms.
“We were 4 women Ji. Fucking 4. He invited 2 of them to his bed, the other one is Youngbae’s girl. You know what it means? Out of the three, I was the fucking last choice. How’s that?”
“I’m sorry hun, I really am. But maybe, he didn’t invite you because you were taking care of me. YES! That must be it. He invited them 2 to replace the only one he wanted to have sex with. See? It takes 2 to replace you!”. He wanted to cheer you up and it was working.
“You’re silly” you smiled even though you knew he was wrong.
You had calmed down, so you stepped back from him. You were normally not cuddly with each other. Not that you didn’t like the contact, it was just like that. His arms didn’t feel uncomfortable but it was not fun either. The whole situation, the whole week-end was not.
As he looked into your sad eyes, he did the only thing that came into his mind. It was stupid to do but he didn’t had much time to think about it, he acted on an impulse.
“Well, now you will be able to say that you were kissed by the legendary G-Dragon”
And he had leaned in, lifting your chin up with his index.
What he wanted to be a soft peck became a surprisingly hot and feverish kiss. One that normally leads directly to bed, don’t pass go, don’t claim 200 dollars. Whose tongue was inside the other’s mouth first? He couldn’t tell. After a short moment, he had withdrawn in shock but when your finger traced the spot on your lips that he just left, he had no choice but to dive in for a second taste.
It was delicious. He melted into you like ice-cream under the warm sun and so did you. He felt like he belonged next to you, and you next to him. It seemed that your lips were drawn to fit his. That your tongue was made to dance with his. That his hands were the perfect size to circle your waist. Not only your bodies were in perfect harmony, that kiss held the sweetness of your friendship combined with a million loving thoughts. It all condensed into a moment of burning heat.
He had just felt your boobs pressed against him and your mouth against his neck, a delightful sensation, when you heard someone coming your way. Youngbae was coming out of his condo, he would soon turn the corner and discover you. Unfortunately, you had to split apart. To stop that fire that had ignited. That desire that consumed you.
“Ji, we shouldn’t have crossed that line…” you pushed him away.
“I know. Let’s forget it happened” he answered in shock, not sure about what just happened and why it was not a good idea. It was so perfect, it couldn’t be a bad thing.
“Good idea”
It seems that you were equally eager to end the conversation. Obviously, both for different reasons.
“Are you mad, Y/n?” he asked later, in the plane.
“Mad about what?”
“Duh, the kiss!”
“What kiss?” you answered, determined never to think about what had just happened.
To this day, you never said anything about it. It was almost like a faded dream. Did it ever happen?
Present day
When you had woken up after your little nap close to lunch time, you felt reposed and relaxed. Jiyong was spooning you, his arms clutching onto your waist. His warm chest rose against your back at the rhythm of his soft breathing. On your neck was the most satisfying thing that you ever felt in your life, Jiyong’s warm breath. Smiling, you softly turned around to face him, you needed to look at his perfect face. You made sure to be as quiet and gentle as possible not to wake him up. Unnoticeable like a mouse.
When you faced him, his naked legs automatically intertwined with yours. He dragged you closer to him with one strong arm and your hands landed on his chest. Snuggling your nose against his shirt, you felt butterflies dancing in your stomach, threatening to fly away with your heart on the same occasion. Was the mornings in his arms always perfect like that?
“Mmmmm hun, you feel good” It was not a question, it was a statement whispered with his lazy voice. One that leaves no place to doubt, hatred or anxiety. A voice that could heal a broken heart and guide another out of the darkest places.
He knew that it was you in his arms and still, he didn’t flinch. You felt so stupidly good that you had to stand up and leave. It was too perfect. Too intimate. Too soothing. Your heart won’t survive this. For the sake of your mental health, you had to leave now.
“I have to go Ji, I’ll be late”.
“Already? No, stay a little longer. We’re so comfy”
He hasn't opened his eyes yet, still blurred from sleep. He seemed so peaceful, it was endearing. You didn’t know what was going on with him, but one thing was certain, he hadn’t been himself since last night. He even had shown small changes in his behavior in recent weeks.
Brushing these thoughts on the side, you moved away from his arms. You’ll have plenty of time to fall in the downward spiral of sadness later, thinking that you will never be his. That he will never be yours. You escaped the peaceful cocoon you were wrapped in and went out of his bed. Out of his house. Out of your own mind.
Later that day, after your shift
As you arrived at your place, you opened your message app and started to read it. At the same time, you took your shoes off by shaking your feet one by one, over the rug in the hall. Right after your shower when you sat on the couch with a bowl of Japchae, you passed out exhausted.
Meanwhile, Jiyong was upside down. He had spent the day thinking of you, your relationship. He was affirmative, his feelings for you had changed, he was deeply in love with his best friend. There was no doubt in his mind. And he had no idea how you would react to it.
He didn’t want to lose you, but the feeling was so strong now that he accepted it, he had to confess. He needed to.
Unlike your habit, and the timing couldn’t be more paradoxical, you had left him on read all day. It happened once before but it was because you were too busy with work. Why did it have to happen on a day like today, when he was already so out of his mind. Did you feel him today? Did you realize the changes taking place in him? Was that why you ignored his calls and texts? Were you angry? Maybe you found him too clingy. Maybe he made you feel uncomfortable. He was going crazy with all these questions when he realised that it was already 2am. It was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Sighting, he wore his ‘incognito costume’, meaning jogging pants, a hoodie, a face mask and a beanie. Nothing fancy, nothing to expose his identity. Hopefully, the streets will be empty at this time of the night.
He walked around his neighbourhood, wandering. He could only think of you, what your reaction could be when he’ll open his heart to you. He didn’t want to imagine the worst, he couldn’t imagine you rejecting him, his heart felt heavy with pain just at the thought of it. With the consequences that this could bring, the changes to your relationship. We should not dwell on it. He had to go heart first and confess, hoping for the best.
He realized that he was now in front of your apartment block, that he had been walking along your street for a while now, like a stalker. What if something happened bad to you? Just thinking about it made him anxious. He needed to see you, to make sure that first you were safe and warm and second that you were not mad at him. That he didn’t lose you. But why would you be mad? It was a downward spiral of thoughts. It had to stop.
He entered the building with his key, took the elevator and then ran in the hallway impatiently. He couldn’t wait to see you. To tell you. It was a strong and invalidating feeling, he had to confess. His heart had to come back to normal, otherwise he would go crazy.
Unable to wait for you to open the apartment door, he slammed it open. What he discovered inside broke him into pieces, in the best way possible. You were wearing that same old clothes he saw you so often with. That horrible kit that made him hiss in disapproval each time he saw you dressed in. There was nothing he could do to make you stop wearing it. He had tried it all. Somewhere along the way, he had let go. It was a really good thing, it allowed him to discover you curled up on the couch with untouched food on the table near you. Your hands were hidden in the sleeves of your sweater, joined under your chin. You were so cute, peacefully asleep in your comfort clothes, his heart melted.
He squatted down in front of you and with much tenderness, he caressed your face. He didn’t want to wake you up, he just needed to touch you. He was finally able to breathe.
You felt his hand on your cheek and automatically, you knew it was Jiyong. You must have been dreaming, you were at your place, alone. Humming with content, you whispered his name with a satisfied smile across your lips and turned to face the other side.
“Sleep, hun… I’ll wait tomorrow, I can wait now”.
“Ji?” you exclaimed in surprise. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you rub your eyes and opened the light that sat on the low table. When you discovered his features, you jumped off the couch and sat on the floor in front of him. “What’s going on? What happened”.
He didn’t understand what you meant, he didn’t say anything yet
“Ji, you cried! What happened?”
“I cried? ooooh, yes” patting his face he realized that he did, indeed, have semi-dried tears on his cheeks. So he cried and didn't realize it.
“Why??? What happened?” you asked in a hurry.
“Nothing happened. I just cried…”
“Something must have, you had cried and landed in my living room at 3 am” you cupped his cheeks and started a visual inspection of him. You needed to make sure that he was okay, that nothing happened to him. That he was not sick or hurt physically at least. He found you beautiful.
“I love you”
“Yes Ji, I know… love you too” you answered mindlessly as you scritized his face, concentrating on your inspection.
He grabbed your wrists and held your hands close to his heart. He had started to talk, he couldn’t stop now. He didn’t want to. With all his courage and all the hope he could gather, he repeated.
“Y/n, I love you”
“...”
“I love you”
You understood what he just said, the words he pronounced but not quite the meaning. You locked eyes with him, searching for an answer to your unspoken question. His beautiful eyes were not sparkling exactly the same way than before. He seemed agitated and peaceful at the same time, it was strange.
“Ji? What’s going on? Are you drunk?”
“Yah… Pabo! Let’s sit more comfortably, I’ll explain”.
You both transferred on the couch, sitting face to face with your knees up under your chin. You held your legs against your chest in a comforting manner. He couldn’t resist the temptation to touch you and he placed a hand flat on your forearm, amazed by your beauty as much as touched by your obvious concern.
“Y/n… Let me talk please”
It made you smile. If the situation would have not been that tensed, you would have laughed your ass out and mock him.
“I didn’t place a word Ji, I’m waiting for you to explain your interruption in my living room in the middle of the night. I think it’s fair to say that I’m letting you talk”.
“Yes, sorry” he scratched his head with shyness “what I meant was let me talk before you do. But first, why didn’t you answer my calls or texts today? I was scared something happened to you”.
“I figure, sorry Ji. I was dead busy today, couldn’t find the time to eat anything or rest. I took a shower and wanted to call you but the minute I sat on the couch, I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to make you worry”
“Fair enough… and what happened at work today? You had a good day? Did you finally decide to buy yourself a cat?”
“Ji…” you cut him. He was running around the bush and you became impatient. “Ji, tell me. What is it about?”
“I promise you that if you don’t feel the same way, I’ll be okay, I’ll manage to survive. Goodness, I’m petrified”.
While he took his sweet time to say what he had to say, an image was forming in your mind. Did he mean what you think he meant? It couldn’t be possible. Febrile, hope bloomed inside of you.
“Ji… what’s going on?”
“I love you”
The mocking gaze of your best friend was gone. Instead, in his eyes you saw a loving feeling come to life. You read in it doubt and hope. Lots of hope. In his eyes, new sparks you never thought that would shine on for you. This beautiful vision speaked louder than words.
“I realised lately that you’re the one I want to share my life with. The affection I had, it changed into love. Now, I smile like an idiot when I hear your voice. I melt when you pronounce my name. I want my hands on you all the time. I want to hug you. I want to be a better person and make you proud. I want the world a better place just for you to be more safe. I want to make you happy, just like you make me. I want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand on my way to paradise if it exists, and I want to be born with you again in our next life. Say something please…”
“That hand of mine will hold yours till the end of our life and again in the next one. I promise you that”.
It was not what he expected to hear. He was so scared that you would reject him, he never thought you would really share his feelings. He just hoped with all his heart, unsure and nervous. Therefore, he was unable to process the words you spoke.
“What?”
You didn’t repeat, instead you leaned in and kissed him, putting all your love in the kiss. The tenderness you feel for him, the passion too. You put all those intentions as your lips sealed with his. Tears went down both your cheeks and mixed together before falling on your clothes.
“You love me?” he asked between the kisses. “For real?”
He cupped your cheeks with a tenderness that you never felt before. His hands on you was now the only thing that matters.
“Ji, I love you. I love you so much… loved you for years now”.
“Woah, really?”
“Let’s not talk about it yet, we have plenty of time ahead. But yes, I love you. I thought I was so obvious”.
“Not at all, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry love, to realize that you were mine this late”.
“It’s okay Ji, I never thought that you could love me back so I'm more than happy right now. I’m in heaven”.
“Me too”
You looked at each other, smiling shyly.
“I can’t wait to bring you out on our first date. It will be so nice to hold your hand… to show everybody that you are mine, that I’m the luckiest man who got the prettiest girl”.
“Aaaaw Ji”
Your heart was so light but it was beating fast at the same time. You were happy like you were never before. You felt fully and wonderfully alive, loved and overwhelmed. Jiyong’s features told you that he felt the exact same way about you. He had that shy loving smile of his.
“Ji… Is this for real?”
“I could ask you the same”
“Love of my life…” you whispered as you kissed him a sweet and feverish kiss. You broke contact and plonged your eyes into his “you have no idea how you make me feel right now. I’ve been longing for you, for your kisses and touch all this time. I was loving you in silence and now I can finally touch you. I don’t mean sexually… Just to be able to cup your beautiful face like that and I’m in heaven” you said as you cupped his face and kissed the tip of his nose.
“I doubt the ‘not sexually’ part but I know exactly how you feel. It seems like you are too far away from me. You would be sitting on my lap and you would still be too far. I’m craving for you”
“Come” you said, standing up. You took his hand in yours and as you walked backwards, you guided him towards your bedroom. His smile grew bigger.
“Where are we going?”
“You confessed your love to me while I was wearing those clothes that you hate so much. I think it’s only fair that we take them off now… I mean, not to ruin your mood”
“You… you sure?”
“Not a bit… I’m scared that I will deceive you. I’m scared that you will not love what you see…”
“Shhhhh” he stopped you with a kiss “there is no such thing possible. You walked naked so many times before me, I already know all your curves”
“I never walked naked in front of you…”
“You do”
“Nope…”
“all the time…”
“Wanna see what naked is? Let me show you” you took your clothes off in the speed of light, exposing your naked forms in front of him. “See? Have you ever seen me naked like that before?”
He smiled a cocky smile and pushed the clothes that were on the floor with his foot. He didn’t answer your question; instead, he held out a trembling hand, the only clue of the fire roaring in him. He put it flat on the side of your neck. His touch was delicate and full of love. You felt his raw emotion in the way he was touching you, looking at you. He couldn't believe he was so lucky. That you were his and you felt the same.
“I love what I see. I love every inch of that body because it’s yours. I will love and cherish it until the day I die”
A single tear fell down off your eyes. There was no cloud under your sky and if ever you meet some along the way, you will certainly find a way to overcome it. Of that, you had no doubt.
“I love you Jiyong”
“I love you Y/n”
Without another word, he lifted you from the ground and transported you to you to your bed. With all the love he had, and all the love you had too, you started your new life together in the most beautiful way possible.
#Gdragon#Gdragon fic#GD#Gd smut#Gd fluff#Gd oneshot#Gdragon one shot#Bigbang#Gdragon smut#gdragon fluff#Jiyong fluff#Kwon Jiyong fluff#Jiyong smut#Kwon Jiyong smut#Friends to lovers#GD friends to lover#ftl#jiyong scenario#Gdragon scenario#Jiyong oneshot
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How do you deal with disagreements about your current project and its directions? Seeing management make decisions you dont agree with that you think will make the game worse?
Disclaimer for this question: I am assuming that this is in a professional setting. The same principles apply in a volunteer capacity, but any loyalty to such a project is much more tenuous on a volunteer basis.
This is one of the most common frustrations I get from more junior devs. Not only is it a common frustration, it's also a common interview question because of what the candidate's answer says about their professionalism and experience level. I've been through this process several times personally and I have to say that there is no "great" answer to it. How you deal with professional disagreement depends on several key factors - your own personal tolerance levels and the team's leadership and direction being first and foremost.
Feelings of frustration can be common, especially if you're more invested in the issue in question. Disagreements about how to do things and what the results will be happen all the time because game dev is all about tradeoffs - we don't have infinite time or resources so we have to make decisions that sacrifice one thing to put those resources in another. If I feel passionately about the thing being sacrificed, it can really hurt. Part of having more experience means not getting as emotionally involved in these decisions. “You have to kill your babies” is an industry adage for a reason - we often have to cut really great ideas we love for various reasons. It does get easier with time and practice.
It's important to recognize what you're willing to tolerate and what you aren't. Everyone has breaking points and those can be creative or project direction limitations just as much as they can be personal. You really don’t get many hills to die on in game dev, so it is important to make them count. I've seen developers quit before because they could not abide the decisions being made on the team. A fundamental disagreement between the team's direction and the dev's needs for mental health can easily result in the best decision being a mutual permanent separation. Leaving a toxic environment is a totally reasonable action as long as you understand the consequences you are about to undertake (e.g. needing to find a new job, possibly burning bridges within the industry/community, etc.).
For me, if it isn't past tolerance I find it helps to distance myself from the emotions involved and approach things dispassionately and clinically. I force myself to put some faith into the decision-makers because the result is ultimately their responsibility and not mine. That's part of the burden of making decisions - you own the wins but also losses. If the issue isn't my decision to make, then the most professional thing I can do is make my argument as compelling as I can. I provide the decision-makers the best context and most persuasive argument I can and hope they make the right decision. If they decide against my suggestion(s), I take the loss and do as they ask. Not every argument will be won and the work will still continue.
No matter what the decision ultimately is, if I stay I feel I owe it to the team and to the project to do what they hired me for - whether I agree with the decisions made or not. As long as I am still on the project, I want it to have the best chance at success I can give it. That means giving my best effort even if I don’t agree with the decision. I might get an “I told you so” in the post-mortem but I might also be wrong in my own predictions. In such situations, I like to take it as a learning opportunity - if I was right, then maybe I can look back and see where I could have been more persuasive. If I was wrong, I should examine which of my assumptions were faulty. This is how I gain experience and level up.
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Misunderstanding
Reki starts getting worried about Langa when he notices the way he's constantly looking at him during class; the window serves as a pretty good mirror actually.
He's not as happy as he used to be, but Reki has no idea why; at first he's almost sure it's because he's thinking about his Dad, so he decides not to ask questions. But then he realizes that Langa is hiding something from him.
He doesn't know what to do, he could ask, but doesn't want to press him... Or force him to tell Reki something he is clearly keeping from him for a reason.
As he tries to think about it, Kana, a pretty girl from his class approaches him with her friends; they're constantly asking about Langa and almost begging Reki to bring him to one of their parties (Reki usually wonders why they ask him instead of going to Langa themselves).
He's so worried that he mentions something to Kana and all the girls grin like they just won the lottery.
"I think he needs some love," she giggles, prompting Reki to look back in confusion.
"Love? What do you–"
"I meant a girlfriend!" She rolls her eyes, looking at Reki like he's an idiot.
Perhaps he is.
He's about to tell her that she's wrong, when he realizes that he actually has no idea; Reki is not sure why it hurts him so much thinking about Langa with a girlfriend, but... If that's what he needs, it doesn't matter what Reki feels.
"I think... you might be right."
"I am," she assures him, winking at him. "So you're gonna take him to the party this weekend? You two can meet a couple of girls there!"
Reki nods, despite of his own feelings, he's really not enthusiastic about it, but Langa is his friend and he wants him to be happy.
"Great! I'll text you later!"
When the girls walk away, giggling and whispering to each other, Reki notices Langa, waiting for him at the end of the hallway.
"I didn't see you there!" He grins, although he regrets it as soon as he sees the frown on Langa's face.
"Of course you didn't, you were too busy talking with your friends," he says, looking irritated. It confuses Reki, Langa doesn't usually get annoyed easily.
"I can introduce you–"
"No. Let's just get out of here."
Reki realizes something's wrong when they get to the park and Langa starts falling more than usual from his skateboard; his mind is clearly elsewhere.
After sighing, Langa finally stops in front of him, although all the irritation has vanished from his features, replaced by sadness.
"Reki, are you going to ask one of them out?"
"What? You mean Kana and her friends? No, no!"
Langa relaxes, the corners of his lips quirk up into a smile again and Reki finally sees what's going on.
He probably likes one of them and doesn't want Reki to ask her out.
"No, you don't need to worry about that," he says, feeling a little bit down after realizing that Langa has a crush on a girl from their class.
"Let's go back to my apartment this time," Langa mumbles, taking Reki's hand in his. "My mother is working but she told me we can order pizza."
"Sounds good," Reki says absentmindedly, thinking that the party will probably be a torture for him.
***
It takes a little bit of convincing for Langa to agree to go to the party. It confuses Reki for a moment until he reminds himself that it's just because Langa is not very good at talking with other people.
"It's going to be great!" He assures him, even though he doesn't believe it himself. "There are going to be many girls of our class there!"
"Girls. Right," Langa grimaces, looking at Reki like he's in pain. "You... you want to go, right?"
"Yes," of course he doesn't, but he's determined to make Langa smile like he used to.
"Well, if you want to I'll go with you."
***
Langa takes his hand as soon as they reach the house, prompting Reki to think he's feeling a little bit nervous.
"Reki, Langa!" Kana grins. "I'm so glad you decided to come."
However, she narrows her eyes when she sees their hands, but doesn't make any comments.
Without even realizing what's going on, they're introduced to a couple of girls and Reki is so focused trying to remember every name, he doesn't realize he let go of Langa's hand at some point.
Actually, Langa is currently at the other side of the room, surrounded by enthusiastic girls who seem to be overwhelming him with questions.
He looks tense; he's constantly looking around the room, looking for something, so Reki takes a step in his direction, but Kana grabs him by the arm to stop him.
"He'll be fine," she assures him. "You have to let him meet new people."
"Right," the redhead bites his bottom lip, wondering if he's actually the one overwhelming Langa.
Kana leads him to a couch, where a girl is giggling with a boy while sitting on his lap. Reki tries not to look at them and finds himself blushing.
"You're really cute, Reki," Kana chuckles, probably making fun of him for acting like that. "Not like other boys I've met."
"I hope that's a compliment," he mumbles, flustered.
"It is. Actually, I was wondering..."
"Reki, I want to go."
Langa's voice startles him, but his expression worries him; the boy looks like he's in pain.
"Are you alright? Did something happen?" Rising from the couch, Reki gets closer to his friend.
"No. I'm f-fine. I just want to go S," he mumbles. "If you want to sta–No, actually, I want you to come with me."
Even though he's clearly talking to Reki, Langa says the last words while glaring at something over Reki's shoulder.
"Please," he adds, softly, vulnerable as he stares back at the redhead.
"Of course, let's go," Reki smiles, taking Langa's hand in his.
He says goodbye to Kana quickly, because Langa is already pulling him towards the front door.
"Are you really okay?"
"I'm better now," Langa says, intertwining their fingers together.
***
"Is it just me or the kid is skateboarding more aggressively than usual?" Joe comments, looking at the monitors.
"He is," Reki agrees with him. "I don't know what's going on, but he's been acting weird lately. I took him to a party so he could meet girls and–"
Joe snorts, Cherry rolls his eyes and Miya frowns at him.
"Are you kidding me, right?"
"No, why would I–"
"Girls, seriously?" Miya stares at him in disbelief.
"Yes, girls! I don't understand why is that so funny to you!"
"Langa is gay," Cherry says casually, still with his eyes on the monitor. It looks like Langa is gonna beat Shadow again.
"Oh... Oh!" Reki suddenly feels like an idiot. He's Langa's best friend and he had no idea... "How do you know?"
"It's obvious," Joe says.
"Reki!"
He gets startled a second time that night by Langa. Reki wasn't paying too much attention to the competition so he didn't realize when it ended.
And suddenly, Langa's arms are all around him. He likes to embrace Reki every time he wins, which is quite a lot.
However, this time he lifts Reki from the ground, reminding the redhead that his friend is way stronger than he looks.
"Let's celebrate!"
"It's late, Langa–"
"Let's go to my restaurant," Joe offers. "I'll cook something for us."
He opens the restaurant just for them, although their friends sit on a table and leave Reki and Langa in another.
Joe puts a candle on theirs and winks at them before leaving. Reki starts feeling quite confused.
"Listen, Langa... I'm sorry for bringing you to that party... I just wanted you to meet someone. I wanted you to be happy."
Suddenly, a fond grin appears on Langa's face.
"Reki, I like–"
"Boys, I know... I'm sorry for not figuring it out before... I can do better next time. Just tell me if you like someone from our class... What's your type?"
"Oblivious," Langa chuckles, eyes glimmering with happiness as he takes Reki's face in his hands. "Funny, passionate. With beautiful, bright red hair. Wears hoodies, loves skateboarding more than anything, kind... Very handsome, has–"
"Alright, alright!" Reki puts a hand to cover Langa's lips. He's blushing to the tip of his ears. "I get it now!"
"Sorry, I shouldn't have–"
"I like you too!" He cuts Langa off, before the boy can start apologizing for it.
"Really?"
"Yes, you don't have to sound like–"
"I think I'm in love with you," Langa whispers sincerely, looking happy again. He's beaming at Reki. "Can I kiss you?"
"Yes."
Reki is not prepared for the possessive kiss, but he enjoys it quite a lot. It's almost like Langa had been waiting to do that for a while.
Someone clears his throat and Reki remembers that his friends are right there. Blushing, he pulls away, but not without noticing the way Langa chases his lips afterwards.
It's quite endearing.
Shadow is looking at them with a grin and tears in his eyes (for a moment Reki thinks he'll start sobbing) Cherry finally takes his hand off Miya's eyes and Joe leans over their table to put two dishes in front of them.
"Don't tell me you knew about this too..." Reki says, trying not to blush as Langa moves him easily to put him over his lap.
"About you two being idiots in love?" Miya rolls his eyes, but still smiles at them. "From the very beginning. Langa realized it first, by the way."
"That I did," Langa agrees, grinning from ear to ear, before kissing Reki's hand.
"Please, we want to eat! There's no need to be gross here!" Miya complains, although Reki knows he's actually happy for them.
***
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Accidentally Human, Chapter 29
The further adventures of mobility aids in fantasyland! And a new brilliant idea for the crew’s next move.
First chapter
Previous chapter
Next chapter
The latest chapter is already up on Patreon!
~~~
Chapter 29
1662 words
“What do you mean, not allowed?” Windmane asked, clutching the edge of the flying carpet. “I need it!”
The human whose name she’d already forgotten sighed deeply and explained it to her, with the same tone he’d used on the children earlier when they had wanted more of a dessert that the kitchen didn’t hold.
“Vehicles that fly or hover are regulated,” he said. “You’re lucky no one’s stopped you for a permit yet. But beside that, it’s too big to fit into the aisles at the stadium. They will absolutely stop you at the door.”
Windmane couldn’t argue her way past the man’s certainty, which was backed up by more than one other passing human. But he had another idea.
“There are non-magical things that can help you,” the man said. “We should have just enough time to get our hands on one today. The shops will all be closed tomorrow morning.”
“What kind of things?” Windmane asked with suspicion.
“Wheelchairs, walkers, crutches, canes. It depends on how much help you need, really. Can you show me how far you get on two feet?”
She very much didn’t want to. But she did. The children of course chose that time to scamper through the room and stop to see the show, which didn’t help. Windmane scooted to the edge of the carpet and dangled her awkward human legs over, then eased her weight onto her feet.
Even holding onto the carpet, she wobbled like a foal. The children gave her conflicting advice, which didn’t help.
“Straighten your legs more!”
“No, keep them bent!”
“Now put one foot forward more!”
“You’ve got to lean!”
The man watched for a bit, then told her to sit back down. “Let me see what I can find. A wheelchair would be easier for you, though there still aren’t ramps everywhere there should be. You might be able to handle a walker with some practice.”
“How much practice?” Windmane asked as she directed the carpet lower so she could collapse onto it. She’d gotten good at the mental commands, and hated to give it up.
The man smiled with forced optimism. “You’ve got the rest of today!”
“Right. Lucky me, with nothing better to do.”
“I’ll see if somebody’s free to swing by the store now. It’s on the other side of town. I hope it’s open. Kids, why don’t you tell our guest here about how you learned to ride bikes and skates?” He made his escape as the kids all started talking at once.
Windmane sat and listened. She really didn’t have anything else to do. She’d already given her account to the person taking notes, she was no help with the magic that Twig was doing, and she’d opted to stay when Stomp and Beak went with the humans to check for unicorns at the hotel. She felt a bit guilty about not going, but there wasn’t much she could contribute aside from carpet rides, which were, as noted, against the rules.
Nope, better to stay here in case the unicorns returned for them, or the dragons showed up somehow, or Twig caused some catastrophe. But none of those had happened. So she listened while the kids told her stories until a different adult returned with a “walker” that had apparently been in storage.
“I don’t know about this,” Windmane said as she eyed the rickety-looking metal frame.
“Just try it,” the new human said. He demonstrated how it worked. “You can put most of your weight on your hands if you need to.”
Windmane tried. She didn’t fall, though it was an awful lot of pressure on her wrists. But the human was encouraging and so were the children, so she gritted her teeth and slid one foot forward at a time.
“Yeah, looking good!” the human said. “Keep it up and you’ll be walking circles around the rest of us in no time!”
“I doubt that,” Windmane grunted. Maybe I could just stay here tomorrow, she thought. Maybe that would be better. But no. She’d just be fretting about whether the evil wizards won the contest, alone and useless in a stranger’s house, hoping that the good humans would win instead and help them. The least she could do was go along with the others, in whatever awkward fashion she could manage. With a minimum of complaining.
* * * * *
“My hands hurt,” Windmane complained to Twig as she made herself comfortable in the seat she’d just fallen into. Twig was far too interested in the fancy decorations of the viewing room to pay her any mind. Not that she could blame him.
Even preoccupied with her difficulties walking, the route from carriage to stadium had been an eyecatching one. Everything was ornate structures and magical embellishments: colors, lights, illusory creatures floating through the air. It was enough to make her want to stare upward constantly, though she needed to watch the path instead. There was magical color there too, of course. This kind directed the vast crowd of viewers toward various entrances.
The family of humans who had been playing host turned out to rate their own private area to watch the show. Possibly the room was granted to family of the contestants. Either way, there was enough space left in the three rows of seats for Windmane, her walker, and her friends.
Stomp and Beak had been visibly frustrated when they’d returned from the hotel, since there was no trace of the unicorns, but they were more upbeat now. The humans had been convincingly optimistic about their candidates’ odds. Windmane tried to cling to that hope as she looked out at the enormous stadium. This was a whole nation’s worth of top-tier magicians. Or politicians, who were also magicians. Windmane was a little fuzzy on the details.
Luckily for her, the human woman seated in front of her decided to explain everything to the guests.
Luckily.
“So it’s every ten years that the leadership changes hands,” she said. “The whole idea behind this contest was supposed to make it more fair, though things have obviously turned into a popular-kids-club with the elite mages.” She leaned in and whispered loudly, “And that’s what we’re hoping to change!” She sat back. “Anyway, the contest has several parts, and the last one is always a secret, decided on by the previous leadership. This decade it’s been Monarch Pinetal all by himself, which is rare, honestly. I think all the frontrunners now are groups, or at least pairs. Oh, hear that? The procession’s about to start. I’ll point ‘em out to you as they come. We’ve got a great view from here; see that little area right by the gate? That’s where each team will wait while the last one finishes. Oh hey, here they come!”
As promised, the human kept up a running commentary while her comrades booed and cheered and talked amongst themselves. Windmane did her best to pay attention at first, but the flood of information quickly turned into a wash of white noise to be punctuated by polite sounds.
“There will be a time to show off special talents, and the battle of constructs, and the multitasking challenge, and the leadership/cooperation demo…”
“Mm, wow.”
It was all very elaborate and impressive: opening ceremonies and early rounds and all. But Windmane only started really paying attention when a new group moved into the waiting area.
“That’s them!” Stomp exclaimed, pointing past Beak.
Windmane and Twig followed her arm while the humans around them booed heartily. The five people in magician’s robes did look like the ones who had stolen Razorscale and Silver, not to mention Windmane’s own shape.
Beak hissed. “It kills me that we can’t do anything to them. They’re right there.”
Stomp agreed. “This would be a perfect time to break the spell. Or maybe in a minute, when they’re showing off their special trick.” She squeezed an armrest with both hands, and Windmane thought she heard it crack.
Twig was being uncharacteristically silent. Windmane gave him a look and found the pixie gazing at the wizards with an expression like he was thinking hard.
She looked away, only to be surprised when a blue light flared beside her.
Mage lines.
“What are you doing?” Windmane demanded.
Twig answered with a question of his own. “What’s the Seamless Tower?”
“What? I don’t know.” Windmane realized that she had a fair idea who would. She tapped the shoulder of the woman in front of her. “Hey, what’s the Seamless Tower?”
“A vault where some of the elite keep their valuables, why?”
Twig was staring off into space blankly. “It’s where Razorscale and Silver are.”
“WHAT?” chorused Windmane, Beak, and Stomp.
His expression didn’t change. “They almost escaped from somewhere else. The mages are complaining about how much magic power they had to waste on healing each other, and on knocking them unconscious again.”
“How do you know that?” Windmane asked.
Twig blinked, lost the glow, and turned a brilliant smile on her. “The kids taught me an eavesdropping spell.”
While the nearest humans asked, “They what?” Windmane and the others demanded details. Twig activated the spell again to listen further, but the magicians were talking about something else now.
Stomp stood up. “We have to go break them out. Right now, before the contest is over.”
Beak was right beside her. “How do we do it, though?” She looked around at the various humans. “Can any of you get in?”
“It’s designed to be impassable to anyone who doesn’t have the spell key,” said the talkative human. “We don’t even know where the door is. It’s all a secret.”
“Can we break it?” Stomp asked.
“It’s enchanted stone. Even a cart ramming it wouldn’t make a crack.”
Windmane had a brilliant idea. She scrambled for the walker and got to her feet. “We know some experts on enchanted stone! I bet a medusa can get in!”
~~~
The next chapter is here, and the latest is up on Patreon. Time for a jailbreak!
#Accidentally Human#my writing#amwriting fantasy#mobility aids#in fantasyland#centaurs#interesting things will happen in the next chapter#verrry interesting
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