#papi magnum
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Big Papi Magnum Hours!! Gimme some headcanons! UwU
Captain Magnum headcanons comin’ right up!!
- Captain Magnum is old. He is even old enough to be your father’s, er, “legal guardian”.
- His forehead is covered in bruises from bumping into things because of how tall he is.
- Isn’t ashamed to let his eyes keep studying you from behind the wheel and you are busy addressing the once dancing hempen. He studies the small features of yours or even habits you have that no one seems to pick up on, except him.
- Unabashedly calls you ‘poppet’ instead of your actual name. “It’s, er, so ye know yer place amongst these flea ridden drunken seadogs.”
- Loves to bark out orders at you, even if they are mundane things so that he may see you get upset that you can’t do anything or talk back.
- Absolutely adores hearing his name on your lips. And because you are his first mate, he gets to hear it 24/7.
- His sense of humor is very lowbrow, so much that sometimes you mistake it as an absolutely vile type of flirting in which he has communicated multiple times that you’ll definintely know when he’s flirting with ya. That doesn’t help the nevers at all.
- Praises you for doing even the most mundane tasks in front of the whole crew. “To keep ye humble ‘n all” a he had put it.
- He sometimes just rests his hand on your shoulder, and keeping it there, forgetting sometimes that it is even there at all so that he finds himself absentmindedly drumming his fingers against you while in deep contemplation.
- Only once after you have been invited into his private quarters do you get to see a whole different side of him.
- This is the only time and place you will ever hear him use your actual name as well, inside his private quarters with nothing but the rich orange of the candlelight and the sound of scratching on parchment as well as the rocking waves are the things accompanying the two of you.
- He is a lot more reserved and stoic, peaceful almost as he is tending to his written work behind his desk.
- Captain Magnum is quite philosophical during these down times as well.
- “Y/N, do you sometimes wonder why yer here, in the middle of the ocean, tryin’ to make a name of yer own? What’s the true meanin’ behind it all do ye think?” It seems like he’s genuinely asking for your advice!
- Somtimes gets drunk off his butt and, he’s the crying type. He is just so sappy and keeps on asking you in between drinking his rum questions of validation.
- “I’m an excelle- *hiccup* nt cap’n, right y/n? ‘Course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?”“……Right….?””Oh, what’s that Blackbearded f…. fella got on me, eh? I’m the tallest ‘n mos’ feared cap’n out there!””A-and you love me, don’t ya, poppet? I love ya, want ye to know that f’course.”
- Is quite the affectionate man as well too, drunk or not. He loves having you close and somehow making physical contact with him at all times. Reminds him that you stayed there and truly care for him.
(Ask if you want the nsfw headcanons.)
#captain magnum#captain magnum x reader#headcanons#captain magnum x y/n#ahwm#ahwm captain magnum#daddy maggy#papi magnum#raimeyl
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I think it's cause you post smart stuff that takes me a while to read cause eyes and brain aren't connected leaves me going hmmm, and your art is *chefs kiss* brilliant, exquisite, effervescent! It might also be due to the fact titty window Caleb is right there when ever I'm on your blog and it has so much power, the presence!!!! Truly you've blessed us. Also you're really cool, there's that too x
twitter slapped down a WORD LIMIT so everything there’s gotta be condensed into little chicken mcnugget sized bites ghjkdfghjf
THIDDY WINDOW CALEB……… MY MAGNUM OPUS
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me: Magnum deserves some love as well
out of the woodworks: DADDDY, PAPI.... Big Daddy log legs UWU
me kicking you all back: THIS IS WHY WE DON’T GET RIGHTS
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L U Z E heheh
L: a quote from one of your fandoms which you absolutely adore already answered lol but another quote I rlly like is
See, what we call God depends upon our tribe, Clark Jo, 'cause God is tribal. God takes sides. No man in the sky intervened when I was a boy to deliver me from Daddy's fist and abominations. I figured out way back if God is all-powerful, He cannot be all good. And if He is all good, then He cannot be all-powerful. And neither can you be.
(if u don’t recognize this quote it’s from bvs aka the best superhero film ever made and u NEED to watch it asap)
U: favourite male characters? I would say max but he is a LESBIAN so ok others (this is abt to be a wall of text lmao)
chuck bartowski, johnny jaqobis, cyrus goodman and also tj, luke watkins, ravi chakrabarti and clive babineaux, alec hardison, logan echolls, michael cordero, gus fring, harry greenwood, koen west, waka nuku rau, dceu!clark kent and dceu!bruce wayne (I’m not familiar w like any tv show takes on either, not huge on other film versions of the chars that I’ve seen so Yes I specifically mean the dceu versions as of now lol), abed nadir, burton guster, tyrone johnson, beaumont rosewood, john constantine, cisco ramon, ray palmer, josh chan, cameron black, lionel higgins, sherlock holmes and marcus bell, declan harp, zeke and shaolin and the kipling brothers, miles finer and rakesh singh, thomas magnum and tc, chidi anagonye and jason mendoza, joe macmillan, tyrell wellick, hiro nakamura and ando masahashi and moinder suresh, wes gibbins, ezra bloom and richie evans, nathan campbell, ezekiel jones, micah lee, neal sampat, buck vu, ryan fletcher, xavier holliday and timothy finger and hank barkley, jamal turner, harvey kinkle, emilio acosta, ozzie graham, damon and lil papi evangelista, malcolm bright, james valdez and pote galvez and alonzo loya, magnus bane and simon lewis and luke garroway, alan zaveri, bow from she-ra, david rose and patrick brewer, eric effiong and jackson marchetti, lito rodriguez and hernando fuentes and wolfgang bogdanow and capheus onyango and rajan rasal and jonas maliki (yes every man on this show deserves rights except will and joaquin and whispers and wolfgang’s vile family and the transphobic dicks nomi interacted with), miggy park, mateo liwanag and garrett mcneil, fernando carvalho, bernard lowe and teddy flood and akecheta, xavier dolls............... I’m sure there are more but these are some that jumped out lol
(did I go thru my list of tv shows I’ve watched bc I was blanking after like my first 5? you bet! my ocd compels me to be Thorough)
Z: a fandom you would love to sit down, and give a lesson on manners and personal space? uh Literally 99% of fandoms but truly rnm bc HOLY SHIT m*lex corner of fandom is genuinely so entitled and invasive and will not stop harassing anyone who talks about the shitty treatment towards the woc in the show and are incredibly dismissive of the woc who watch the show and claim anyone not obsessed w m*lex is homophobic Actually as if the vast majority of this fandom isn’t sapphics............. just burn the whole fandom down tbh it’s been trash from the start bc so many folks have been vile to maria from day 1, but they just keep adding other shitty behavior on top of that so I haven’t gone into the tags at all for a little over a month and I doubt I’ll return to them
E: a character you think you’re the most like? I am max and max is me. no but ok I talked abt this a bunch on my previous blog lol. like he’s v empathetic and caring and the way he just assumes everything is his fault even if it’s not even something he’s involved in like OOF. and the way he loves so deeply and is always trying his best to prioritize the ppl he cares about over himself and ugh just. we are the Same.
send me letters
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Chapter One: Fuck Berries
Things were getting spicy in the Blood Gulch Club. Franklin delano donut is a 38 year old stripper. He goes by Donut because his very hot and totally legal mother disapproves of his profession 😔
His mother, Yorkshire Terrier really fucking hates Donut and filed for divorce with his husband Washingtub. Washy also despises Donut's holes. They kicked out Donut when he was 69 months old, forcing him to seek refuge in an orphanage. There he met this man who has been there for 80 years, but refuses to leave. He goes by the name Sarge, but everyone ignores that and calls him delusional twatwaffle anyways.
This made Sarge really depressed so he opened a strip club by the name of Blood Gulch Club. Since it was built on Blood Gulch Avenue- Sarge has dislexceea. He forced his two sons, Simmons and Grif to work there. He demoted Simmons to janitor because Simmons wouldn't stop putting his peeny weeny inside of Grif's vagina. The two would often make out and do gay incest shit on the bar, and knocking over drinks. Some people even joined in with shoving their magnum dongs inside of Simmons's smelly asshole.
Simmons really enjoyed anal so he was fine with it. Grif, on the other hand, got jealous because nobody wants to stick their flaccid penis inside of his own asshole. So he decided he wanted to work the bar. It was a good compromise since Sarge was sick of seeing gay shit in his elegant 6 star strip club. However Donut was alright with his job as the main stripper, because he was the oblyof stripper.
However even with their amazing staff, the Blood Gulch Club didn't have many attendees. Only 17 per week which is terrible compared to Commandle which has over 60 million per week. Worst thing is Commandle across the street next to a McDonalds managed by a dumbass named Coconut or some shit. So the Blood Gulch Club has been losing customers because every fat ass in the country wants McDonald's before they get laidl. Fucking degenerates like that belong on a cross. Or, in this case, getting their asses plowed into next Tuesday by some greasy man's peepee.
Nonetheless, Donut's holes were quite popular with the regulars. I mean sure, he may be the only stripper Sarge's broke, yet extremely hot, ass could afford, but he was pretty good. Just seeing that man perform? Instant orgasm. This was the case with most customers, leaving a gooey sticky mess for Simmons to clean up. Every. Day. except for Sundays, Sundays are for the Lord
The Blood Gulch club was more active than usual. Sarge was aware of this sudden increase.
"Those dirtbags finally realized that our strip club is superior to Commandle!" Sarge screamed, like a fucking grandfather on heroine.
Simmons gave the twatwaffle a side glance and sighed, "Which results in more cleaning up. Do you know how many people have a piss fetish? Jesus Christ. I think I almost had an aneurysm," the maroon dumbass complained, aggressively jabbing his mop at Grif's bootyhole.
"HARDER PAPI!" Came Grif's reply, his cat eyes twitching as he moaned. He was then bent over the bar as Simmons continued to fist the shit out of Grif's asshole with the greasy and disgusting mop. Literally, and figuratively.
Locus's gaze trailed over to where the two were having some sort of fucking aneurysm by the looks of it.
"They're having gay sex again," Locus noted, turning over to Felix who had his pants unzipped and was jerking off, his eyes looming on the pair. Letting out a groan, Locus spoke, "I don't get paid enough for this shit."
Like he was fucking Sonic, Felix ran over and inserted his microscopic penis inside of Simmons's owo.
"FUCK YEAH IT'S HORNY TIME!" Felix screamed like a mad lad as he bottomed out and began thrusting into his hairy asshole.
Señor Lopez, the health inspector walked in to this scene playing out "Porqué?" he asked as he left the facility. This mf will not fail No Nut November. Mass respect to this dude. Go follow his Instagram account @xXIts_Lopez_PrivateXx
Suddenly, Grif grabbed the mop and pulled it out of his asshole. He then yanked Simmons off of Felix's penis, "Get your 🅱enis out of 🅱aby 🅱oy's 🅱ole," he sternly said, and grabbed a plunger from the air and stuck it on Felix's little weeny, "haha, 🅱uck it 🅱elix."
Grif then flipped Simmons over and wrapped his tail (which is seven feet long) around the maroon dude's throat. This fucking chocked Simmons, but because nobody has sanity or any dignity, this turned the cunt nugget on.
"OH YES DADDY!!!" Simmons moaned, slamming his head down onto the bar table so hard that he fell unconscious.
Grifster saw this as his chance to shine!! He then you i good the no ued Simmons's asshole, and plummeted his very very very very very very very very big dong into it.
It looked like a scene in a porn movie, and it was. Church had set up his recording equipment and started recording the scene so that he could upload it to his two subscribers on YouTube. He was so happy that he got this opportunity that he almost bust a nut,,, but he had to contain his urges........
Meanwhile,,,
Rat Man actually got even more turned on with his pp being stuck in the plunger, causing it to grow by 0.01 cm. That's quite an improvement. You might even be able to feel it poking your asshole now. "AH~~~~! F@$T3R L0CU$!!!!!1!!!1!!!!" The literal lobotomite moaned, placing his hand on the plunger and jacking himself off.
Locus saw this and pulled out his gun and shot Felix's peeny weeny a few dozen times. It grew flaccid and did the dieded.
After that Felix fucking exploded because he committed the greatest sin of all..
He failed No Nut November.
After losing a security member, Sarge decided to close the club for the rest of the week. To let the staff grieve. The staff that consisted of people who wanted Felix dead, but a couple days off never hurt anybody.
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Armes.
Des coups de feu retentirent dans la forêt provoquant l'envol des oiseaux effrayer. Le pistolet encore fumant braquer devant elle, Cylia reprit une respiration habituelle avant d'abaisser l'arme et examina la cible en papier a quelque mètre d'elle.
Plus de la moitié des balles avait atteint la tête, d'autre le cou et le reste avait terminer sa course dans l'abdomen. Elle posa son pistolet sur la petite table en bois ou se trouvait d'autre arme en cours d'essai, elle nota quelque petit ajustement a faire avant de saisir une autre arme sans regarder mais elle s'immobilisa quand elle sentit l'arme.
Un Smith & Wesson model 29.
D'un blanc immaculé comme si il n'avait jamais servie mais la crosse était frapper d'une seule initiale, un R
Rockbell pensa Cylia émue
L'arme est le prolongement de ta personne, ne l'oublie jamais.
Tu peux m'apprendre a tirer papi ?
La question était si innocente a l'époque mais la jeune femme ne pu s'empêcher de sourire. Elle qui était une raté avait finalement trouver sa place. Lentement elle leva le magnum
Je t'interdis de renier tes créations jeune fille !
Ce sont ces armes même qui avait mit fin a la vie de ses proches et qui avait fait du mal a ses amis mais bizarrement elle n'eut aucun traumatisme a manipuler ces instrument de la mort. Elle mit son index sur la gâchette et se concentra car après tout …
Une arme est une arme mais c'est celui qui la tient qui définie son utilité
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That Was Awkward...(Bucky x reader)
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Warnings: Language? Sexual innuendos
A/N: These two things actually happened to me today 🤦🏻♀️
If there was one word that would sum you up it would be embarrassing. For whatever reason, you were the queen of embarrassing moments. Normally it wouldn’t be that big of a deal but you were an Avenger. One of Earth’s mightiest heroes. All eyes were on you and you couldn’t afford any mishaps. But boy did they happen. Usually because you had such a raging crush on a certain one armed super soldier and it was very distracting. In the past month, you had already fallen off the treadmill because he took his shirt off in the gym, slipped on the deck of the pool because he was tanning (shirtless) and shot juice out of your nose at the breakfast table because he walked in, you guessed it, shirtless one Sunday morning.
So today, the first day of the new month, you decided that you were turning over a new leaf. No more distraction, you were going to focus on being completely present in your daily tasks. The day had been going smoothly thus far and you were in great spirits. You breezed into the kitchen, various members of the team were seated around the table.
“Hey Y/N! Are you doing anything later?” Wanda asked cheerily as you plopped yourself in the chair next to her. “I don’t think so, wanna go grab some ice cream?”
“Sounds great, wanna make it a girls night and invite Nat?” She asked and you agreed happily.
Natasha walked into the kitchen and you called out to get her attention. “Wanna go out for ice cream later?”
She cocked her head to the side, gesturing to the ear buds in her ears. You began miming yourself licking an ice cream cone. Bucky walked in behind Nat, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw what you were doing. You felt your face reddening and quickly put your hands down. “I appreciate the preview but you’re gonna have to take me to dinner first doll.” Bucky said, smirking at the furious blush you were trying to hide.
After your outing with Nat and Wanda, you all decided to watch a movie. Most of the team ended up joining you and it turned into a group movie night. “So, what are we watching?” You hear Bucky say. You let out a quiet groan, hoping that he didn’t sit next to you. After your little charades game you didn’t even want to look at him. Much to your dismay, he made his way over to you, that stupid smirk on his dumb handsome face. “Hey doll, mind if I sit?”
You nodded, quickly gathering your purse off the empty spot next to you. In your rush, you lost your grip on your bag and the contents went flying. “Shit, sorry!” You exclaimed scrambling on the floor to pick everything up. “What are you doing with these in your purse?” He asked.
You looked up, mouth falling open as you saw Bucky holding two condoms in his hand. And Magnums at that. You had never wanted the floor to open up and swallow you more than you did in that moment.
“I-uh, well, I was holding them for a friend and I-I forgot they were there.” You stuttered our, reaching up to grab them from his hand. He held them just out of your grasp, a bemused look on his face. “Nah, doll, let’s not let these go to waste.”
Tags: @buckysoldierstories @221bshrlocked @papi-chulo-bucky @papi-chulo-seb @bucky-plums-barnes @feelmyroarrrr @theimpossibleg1rl @ballyhoobarnes @mybarnesmyhero @blackcaptainrogers
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky smut#marvel fic#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes#marvel fanfiction
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Undertale Interactive Dating: Round 3 (part 5)
You consider each of the skeletons’ proposals. The NTT puzzle sounds much safer than the Bridge of Destiny honestly, but Blue obviously worked hard to create his own custom puzzle. Stretch has an air of casual indifference about your decision, but Blue looks ready to burst with excitement at the thought of showing you his Bridge of Destiny. You can’t bring yourself to disappoint him.
[ You decide to try the Bridge of Destiny. ]
“Wow, the Bridge of Destiny sounds awesome! Lead the way, Blue!” You inject as much enthusiasm as you can into your words, and you’re rewarded by Blue pumping his fist and leaping into the air. Stretch smiles at you. It’s clear that seeing his brother happy makes him happy as well.
“WOO-HOO,” yells Blue, bounding away from you only to circle back. “I ALMOST FORGOT! THE NTT PUZZLE IS ON THE WAY TO THE BRIDGE PUZZLE! WE CAN DO BOTH!” Blue takes your hand again and leads you along the snow-strewn path with Stretch following along behind.
“not long un-tile we get there,” the lanky skeleton comments. You shoot him a confused glance. “you’ll get the punchline in a minute,” he says with a wink.
True to his word, a curve in the path reveals a tile puzzle with a control panel next to it. For some reason the phrase “robot programmed to kill humans” enters your mind, but it’s gone in a flash. You trust these two skeletons who have been nothing but gentle and humorous towards you so far.
Blue hurries over to the control panel and flips some switches. Music plays, and strobe lights flash. The tiles start lighting up in patterns, and each lit up tile has an arrow on it pointing to the next tile that will light up. The whole set up reminds you of the game Dance, Dance Revolution.
Stretch pulls a bear-shaped honey bottle out of his hoodie pocket, takes a gulp from it, and hands it to you.
“here, hold my bear, and i’ll show you how it works.” You tuck the honey bear into the pocket of your jacket that isn’t inexplicably filled with random objects and watch the demonstration.
For a skeleton who claimed to have “creaky old bones,” Stretch is agile, moving easily from tile to tile to the catchy beat of the music and finishing the puzzle with an unnecessary and undignified amount of butt-shaking. You and Blue cheer for his victory.
“PAPY IS REALLY GOOD AT THIS PUZZLE; THAT’S WHY IT’S HIS FAVORITE,” explains Blue. Stretch takes a bow and steps aside.
“i’m flattered, Blue, but you know you’re the absolute best at this puzzle.” Stretch leans towards you and says in a conspiratorial but very loud stage whisper: “he could do this puzzle with his eyes closed.”
Blue giggles, and a faint blue blush appears on his round cheeks. “PAPY, STOP. I JUST WATCH A LOT OF NTT SPECIALS, SO I KNOW ALL OF THE SONGS!”
You join Stretch in encouraging Blue to show off his best moves, and after a quick whispered discussion with his brother over which song to pick, Blue joins you at the puzzle’s starting point.
The song Blue chose is fast and complicated, but Blue moves across the tiles (with his eyes closed as suggested) confidently and with flair.
Now it’s Blue’s turn to be applauded and cheered for, and he hides a face behind his bandana at all of the attention. His cheeks are glowing such a bright blue that you can see it through the fabric.
You prepare to face the dancing puzzle next, and you’re a bit unsure. Stretch and Blue made it look easy, but they’ve obviously spent a lot of time “testing” the machine. You ask a quick question before you get started: “What happens if I miss a tile?”
“LASERS,” the two skeletons reply calmly. Upon closer inspection, you do notice some faint scorch marks on some of the lighter colored tiles. Your uncertainty increases, but you don’t back down. Stretch selects a song that’s slow and rhythmic. Perfect. You can do this.
You hop onto the first lit up tile and progress through the song, hopping from tile to tile along to the beat of the music. You’re actually having fun until you overstep and the tile beneath your foot becomes an ominous flashes red. You flinch, expecting lasers to vaporize you at any moment.
“KEEP GOING!” shouts Blue, and you open one eye in time to see him dismissing the bone attack he used to block the laser beam. You step on the correct tile and continue the game, but soon you misstep a second time. The tile under your foot lights up red. Oh, no!
“keep going,” murmurs a voice next to your ear, and you feel hoodie-clad arms around you, lifting you up and placing you on a safe tile before dissolving into thin air. How did he do that? You complete the song without missing another step, thankful for the skeleton brothers’ intervention.
Stretch and Blue alternate between choosing their favorite songs and escorting you through the intricate steps of the puzzle, twirling, dipping, and even lifting you in an attempt by each of them to be even more outrageous than the other until the ambient light in the sky dims and the three of you are gasping out huge clouds of crystallized breath like runaway locomotives in the chilly air.
“IF YOU’RE TIRED, WE CAN SKIP THE LAST PUZZLE AND GO INTO TOWN,” Blue suggests, forcing his tone to be neutral though you can still hear a hint of disappointment in it.
“There is no way I’m missing your special puzzle,” you tell Blue firmly. Exhausted or not, you’re going to complete the Bridge of Destiny puzzle!
“I’LL MAKE SURE IT’S READY,” Blue shouts, barreling down the path.
“you look like you’re about ready to drop, honey. how about i carry you to the bridge?” You’re grateful for Stretch’s offer. Your legs feel like jelly from all of the dancing and walking. Stretch gives you a piggyback ride to his brother’s magnum opus, and you are stunned by it.
The massive bridge spans two tall cliffs, looming over a teeny, tiny town barely visible below. Blue strikes a heroic pose on the opposite side of the bridge. His hands are balled into fists and placed firmly on his hips, and his chest is puffed out proudly. Stretch sets you down carefully, making sure your legs are steady underneath you before teleporting away to join his brother.
“YOUR FINAL CHALLENGE IS TO CROSS THE BRIDGE OF DESTINY… IF YOU DARE!” Blue calls to you.
You dare.
You place one foot firmly on the bridge. It’s well-built and doesn’t creak or sway. You exhale sharply in relief and proceed. What appears to be four flamethrowers are set up at intervals on both sides of the bridge, and you watch them carefully to see what their firing pattern is so you can dodge them. The flamethrowers activate… and blast orange, yellow, and red glitter into the air.
You scurry through the rain of glitter, trying to avoid it as much as possible, but you’re sure your already full pockets are now overflowing with the stuff. You hear hissing and clicking ahead of you. Are there pincers? Insects? No. It seems that the now-outlawed spinning sawblades have been replaced with oscillating sprinklers. You time your next move and manage to get past them without a soaking.
The next obstacle before you is a swinging guillotine, but the blades on the pendulums are actually pillows. They swing slowly enough that you have no trouble evading the plush looking pillows. You wonder if it would even hurt to be struck by them.
You’re almost done, and the two skeletons are rooting for you exuberantly. There’s only one thing left to overcome- a large missing portion of the bridge. You stare down into the dizzying depths beyond the end of the bridge. How can Blue and Stretch expect you to conquer this?
They’re chanting “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!” but you doubt you can jump that far even with a running start.
Blue cups his hands over his mouth and calls out to you: “I BELIEVE IN YOU, HUMAN!” and Stretch adds: “you can do it, honey!”
Their faith fills you with determination, and you back up, run forward, and leap with all of your might… only to fall woefully short. Your stomach twists, and your vision tunnels to focus on the snow-capped roofs of the houses below. It’s a long way down, but you never get there. Instead, you find yourself sprawled flat on a rocky surface that’s flush with the clifftop where the skeleton brothers stand.
Stretch is laughing uproariously, and Blue is rushing over to hug you. “YOU DID IT!”
You open your mouth. You close your mouth. You don’t know what to say. “B-but the bridge” is all you can stammer,
“IT’S ALL JUST A SMOOTH, ROCK PORTION OF THE PATH,” boasts Blue. “I PAINTED ALL OF IT TO LOOK LIKE A CLIFF AND BRIDGE MYSELF!”
“and you trusted us enough to jump,” chips in Stretch, “so you aced the puzzle.”
Blue unpins an insignia from his shirt and fastens it to your jacket. “YOU EARNED IT,” he tells you.
“You tricked me,” you accuse them, regaining some of your senses. “I thought I was going to die!” Their smiles disappear. “That’s insane.!” They frown. “That’s crazy amazing, Blue! You’re so talented!” The smiles return, and both skeletons pat your back.
“WE WOULDN’T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU, HUMAN,” Blue reassures you. “BESIDES, QUEEN TORIEL DECREED THAT ALL MONSTER PUZZLES MUST BE NON-LETHAL AND MINIMALLY HARMFUL!” Your heart is still racing, but you nod.
“let us make it up to you, honey. i’ll take you for some spiced spider cider at Muffet’s,” offers Stretch.
“I DON’T REALLY LIKE MUFFET’S. HOW ABOUT WE PICK UP SOME TEA AND PASTRIES FROM GRILLBY’S,” Blue counters.
“eww, tea.” Stretch blows a raspberry at Blue.
[ Insist that you need to rest (Go with both brothers to Snowdin) ][ Drink spiced Spider Cider (Go with Stretch; meet Muffet) ][ Eat pastries and drink tea (Go with Blue; meet Grillby) ]
(Leave an ask or comment, or reblog with your choice)
INDEX | Read on AO3
#undertale interactive dating#underswap#swapbros#underswap sans#underswap papyrus#us!sans#us!papyrus
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How would one explain Honey Dew? Would he be like a sweet heart by day but rough at night or a ball of fluffanutter? While Horchata will fuck the daylights out of you and make sure you know who Papi is, Honey Dew might be sweet as pie making sure you're okay and be his little sugar plum gum drop. Hmm 🤔
Character Analysis: Henry Stencils
Category: Split Personality
Honeydew: •sweet, caring, giggly baby•has two twinkling dimples •rose petals appear from the sky wherever he goes (no one knows why…)•a Smol Tol™ •every time he blinks, stardust falls from his eyelashes•every time he laughs, a baby deer is born•is actually the sun + the moon & the stars•could never hurt a fly•instead of killing the fly, he takes a tiny piece off of his toaster strudel and places it near the bug in order to form a mutually beneficial and peaceful alliance•butterfly kisses galore •sponges his lips all over your face– eyelids, cheeks, nose, chin, down your jaw, across your forehead– until you’re a giggling mess and cradles your face in his hands, smiling all soft and fondly•wears Hawaiian dad shirts that cost more than a gastric bypass surgery•has had the same three pairs of jeans since 2013 and they all make his dicc disappear•only wears huge heeled boots made of velvet and suede, settling for nothing less than YSL and Gucci bc he’s allergic to being basic•borrowed Willy Wonka’s glasses and never gave them back whOoPs •his hair is actually a spray-painted cloud of love and support •tiny baby ears and puffy nipples•smiles all big and toothy with his eyebrows raising up, resulting in a new galaxy being formed •isn’t scared to show his emotions bc he loves the world and it loves him back•sings and dances to Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend while making Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes…it’s 3:24 AM.•feels guilty after jacking off •#Save the Bees•when you go to shake his hand, he pulls you into a hug instead•"I had a dream about trains!“•tries to give everyone happiness, even at the expense of his own
#IL SXRMEAIEMKS#THIS FOOK ME AN HOURNEKS#harry styles#harry styles meme#harry#harry meme#harry styles album#harry styles funny#harry styles solo#harry styles vinyl#harry styles kiwi#harry styles only angel#harry styles singing#harry styles sign of the times#harry styles song
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« NOTHING WAS THE SAME » EST-IL LE MEILLEUR ALBUM DE DRAKE ?
À l'occasion de ce 24 septembre 2020, date de son septième anniversaire, la question est posée...
L’histoire de Drake, c’est l’histoire d’un adolescent acteur qui le soir enregistre de la musique dans sa chambre, sort ses premières mixtapes sur un label fictif de son invention, s’amuse à mélanger au plus premier des degrés aussi bien le chant et le rap que la réalité et l’imaginaire, se fait repérer par le label le plus hot de son temps, puis qui en 2011 grâce à son magnum opus Take Care redéfinit pour de bon les canons de la « realness » en laissant libre cours à sa sensibilité.
Deux ans plus tard, à 26 ans, vient le moment pour lui, non seulement de confirmer tout son talent avec un nouveau disque, mais aussi et surtout d’accéder au rang de superstar.
Ce disque c’est Nothing Was The Same, un disque qu’il faut avoir écouté dans sa vie.
1. Tuscan Leather
Pas de grand album sans ouverture digne de ce nom.
C’est sûrement ce qu’a dû se dire 40 lorsqu’il s’est mis à triturer dans tous les sens le I Have Nothing de Whitney Houston 6 minutes 6 secondes durant pour un résultat que n’auraient renié ni les Diplomats de la grande époque, ni le Kanye West du College Dropout.
Titré d’après le parfum de Tom Ford du même nom vendu à plusieurs centaines de dollars le flacon, cette intro est l’occasion pour Drizzy de faire rimer « record » avec « record » d’afficher clairement ses ambitions, lui qui au-delà des chiffres de ventes se fixe pour mission de « faire bouger les lignes de la culture ».
2. Furthest Thing
Du Drake pur jus qui se lamente (une fois de plus) sur une ex (une de plus) en rejetant la responsabilité de l’échec de leur relation passée sur sa petite personne.
R.A.S. serait-on donc tenter de conclure, si ce n’est qu’à l’entame du troisième couplet le beat change du tout au tout pour se faire plus triomphant, influences « chopped & screwed » en prime.
Sinon, n’en déplaise aux apprentis linguistes soulignant que « FARthest » eut été ici le terme adéquat, la distance évoquée n’étant pas géographique mais figurative, « FURthest » est employé à bon escient.
3. Started from the Bottom
Le single qui a rebattu les cartes du game.
Dans un rap encore engoncé dans les carcans de la crédibilité de rue, Drake-le-gosse-de-la-classe-moyenne-canadienne se permet une fiction des plus audacieuses clamant haut et fort avoir démarré tout en bas de l’échelle sociale.
Et qu’importe si pour preuve de ses années de « galère » il avance le fait de s’être engueulé tous les mois avec sa mère ou d’avoir dû emprunter la caisse de son oncle, ce faisant il a réussi d’un coup d’un seul à décomplexer sur ce point quantité d’artistes et d’auditeurs.
Ben ouais, depuis SFTB, rapper une vie qui n’est pas la sienne ne pose plus aucun problème.
Merci Future, Jay-Z, DJ Khaled et Gangnam Style.
4. Wu-Tang Forever
Question : existe-t-il au monde un morceau qui sonne moins Wu-Tang que Wu-Tang Forever ?
Non, parce que si vous vous attendiez ne serait-ce que vaguement à une ambiance Shaolin, quand bien même le classique It’s Yourz est samplé, Drake conte ici l’histoire d’une fille qui jadis le portait dans son cœur...
Certes au fil des mesures on comprend qu’il s’agit d’une métaphore de son influence sur le game (« Ce qui compte ce n’est pas d’être le premier/C’est d’être le premier à bien le faire »), certes tout cela passe crème à l’oreille, mais bordel, quel est le rapport avec la bande à RZA ?
5. Own It (Ft. PARTYNEXTDOOR)
Dans la continuité de l’instru de Wu-Tang Forever, sans être impérissable cette cinquième piste fait le taf, à savoir donner une coloration « album » à Nothing Was The Same.
Volontairement plus éclectique que Take Care, NWTS ne fait cependant pas l’économie de la cohérence, chaque pierre apportée à l’édifice procédant de la volonté de bâtir une œuvre.
Ou quand la priorité n’était pas encore pour le Champagne Papi à la course aux streams, aux placements de produits Apple et aux playlists attrape-likes (Views, More Life, Scorpion... c’est de vous que l’on parle).
6. Worst Behavior
Dans un style que l’on ne lui connaissait pas forcement, à mi-chemin entre Kanye West et Soulja Boy, hors de ses gonds, le Christ s’en prend à toutes celles et ceux qui ont eu l’outrecuidance de ne pas croire en lui dès le départ, non sans s’époumoner « mothafucka » autant qu’il le peut (19 occurrences au total).
Et tant pis si l’exercice n’est en apparence pas technique pour un sou, il se révèle très vite diablement entraînant, la production DJ Dahi n’y étant pas pour rien – tout comme le copié/collé du couplet de Mase sur Mo’Money Mo’Problems.
Hasard qui n’en est pas un : tandis que le clip met en scène son paternel, Drake, aka « the boy », insiste une fois de plus sur sa transition vers l’âge adulte (« Always hated the boy, but now the boy is the man »).
7. From Time (Ft. Jhené Aiko)
Moment d’intimité en compagnie de Chilly Gonzales au piano et de Jhene Aiko au refrain, From Time se veut un nouveau Marvin’s Room.
Sa relation avec le père, ses errances passées, Courtney de chez Hooters, l’âge de sa mère... tout y passe, à tel point que si vous n’êtes là que pour la musique, et pas pour vous farcir un inventaire complet des malheurs du gentil Aubrey, vous avez le droit de trouver ça un brin rébarbatif.
La vie par procuration, ça a ses limites.
8. Hold On, We're Going Home (Ft. Majid Jordan)
« Cette chanson c’est 40 et moi qui à notre modeste niveau nous nous sommes mis en mode Quincy Jones/Michael Jackson. À l’entame de l’album, je me disais que ce serait cool d’avoir un titre qui tournerait dans les mariages dans dix ans ou un titre que les gens séparés de leurs familles comme les militaires pourraient écouter. Un truc intemporel tant dans les paroles que dans la mélodie. »
Sept ans après les faits, le pari est en passe d’être gagné.
Beaucoup plus à l’aise en chant grâce à son travail en amont avec un coach vocal (ce qui était loin d’être toujours le cas sur ses projets précédents...), l’ami Drizzy parvient en effet avec ce tube à vous rendre nostalgique de trucs qui ne vous sont pourtant jamais arrivés.
9. Connect
L’histoire d’une relation des plus toxiques qui s’éternise au-delà du raisonnable à cause d’un Drake toujours prompt à trouver un prétexte pour ne pas couper les ponts.
Moins gentil garçon qu’il en a l’air, il profite de cette bluette pour régler ses comptes dans ce qui demeure l’un des sommets d’agressivité passive de sa discographie Cf. les douceurs « J’me souviens quand j’avais ton temps » et autre « Wish you would learn to love people and use things/And not the other way around »…
10. The Language
Siphonneur en chef du triplet flow des Migos, le pas encore autoproclamé 6 God se laisse ici aller à la braggadocio la plus totale.
Très proprement exécuté, ce banger qui ne dit pas son nom bénéficie en sus de l’intervention du honcho Birdman qui dans les quarante dernières secondes fait rimer au plus premier des degrés une série de mots dont lui seul peut leur insuffler une telle intonation (« Showtime/headlines/Big Tyme/sunshine/tote 9's… »).
Bref, ne vous sentez pas en aucun cas coupable d’appuyer une fois ou deux sur replay avant de passer à la suite.
11. 305 to My City (Ft. Detail)
Grand amateur de clubs de striptease, Drake rend à première vue un hommage appuyé à une danseuse. Cette dernière est d’ailleurs tellement douée qu’il insiste pour lui payer un billet d’avion pour le Canada.
Quelques écoutes plus tard, difficile néanmoins de ne pas relever l’ambiguïté de ses « I get it, I get it » répétés en boucle : au mieux ils renvoient à une forme de flatterie (toute qu’il souhaite c’est coucher avec elle), au pire à de la condescendance (aucun de ses accomplissements ne trouve grâce à ses yeux, elle est et reste une fille qui vend ses charmes).
Trivia : 305 correspond au code postal de Miami, la durée du morceau (4 minutes 16) correspond au code postal de Toronto (416).
12. Too Much
Variation du piano voix du même nom du londonien Sampha, cette douzième piste posée dans les derniers jours de la conception de NWTS aurait pu se contenter d’être une gentille ballade. Sauf que non.
Hanté par la trace qu’il va laisser dans le game, se sachant à la croisée des chemins, Drake livre ses doutes et ses états d’âme dans le premier couplet avant d’élargir son sujet sur le second en traitant du temps qui passe et des renoncements qui vont avec.
L’un de ses meilleurs textes ?
13. Pound Cake/Paris Morton Music 2 (Ft. JAY-Z)
L’outro officielle. Découpée en deux parties.
La première qui sample la voix du jazzman Jimmy Smith (« ... seule la vraie musique reste... »), fait intervenir un Timbaland non crédité au refrain reprenant C.R.E.A.M. du Wu-Tang Clan et se conclut par l’unique invité rap du disque, Jay Z, qui fait rimer dix-sept fois « cake » sur un couplet.
La seconde qui sur un changement de beat référence le mannequin Paris Morton, celle-là même à qui il avait précédemment dédié la pépite Paris Morton Music.
Très classe donc, et parfaitement en phase avec le mood (à l’époque c’était un vrai mot, pas un hashtag) du projet.
14. Come Thru
Premier ajout de l’édition Deluxe, Come Thru se fond parfaitement dans la tracklist selon une formule désormais éprouvée : une mélodie sucrée qui donne envie de bouger la tête, de l’émotion, des paroles qui rappellent à tout un chacun un moment privilégié de sa vie... et un changement d’instru dans le dernier tiers.
Si jusqu’à présent vous avez kiffé, aucune raison que ça change.
15. All Me (Ft. 2 Chainz & Big Sean)
Lyrics vraiment mous du genou de 2 Chainz, refrain sans originalité, instru au potentiel pas vraiment exploité, couplet insipide de Big Sean*... le premier filler de l’album.
C’est d’autant plus dommage que quantité de titres enregistrés à cette époque aurait mérité une telle exposition Cf. le Care Package sorti en 2019 qui compilait des chutes de studios ultra quali (Girls Love Beyoncé, 5AM in Toronto...).
* À l’exception de la ligne « My new girl is on Glee and shit/probably making more money than me and shit’ » qui résonne aujourd’hui comme un hommage à la défunte Naya Rivera.
16. The Motion (Ft. Sampha)
Retour gagnant pour Sampha avec cet ultime tour de piste aux faux airs de single.
Composée de plusieurs couches de synthé, sans en faire trop l’instru touche encore une fois dans le mille.
Quitte à enfoncer une porte ouverte, 40 est sur ce morceau comme sur le reste de NWTS à louer tout autant que Drake.
Verdict : « Nothing Was The Same » est-il meilleur que « Take Care » ?
Si bien malin qui peut répondre de manière définitive tant d’un côté comme de l’autre les arguments ne manquent pas, il en est qui pèse peut-être plus que les autres dans la balance pour couronner ce troisième essai : Drake évolue ici dans sa forme finale.
Complètement en phase avec lui-même, il déroule toutes les facettes de son talent sans que l’on sente le moindre effort de sa part.
Ou pour citer l'intéressé lui-même sur le sujet lors de la campagne de promotion : « La musique que je propose est cette fois plus concise, plus claire. J’ai, je pense, mieux assembler ce que je suis sur cet album. Take Care est un grand album, mais quand je le réécoutais je me disais que je pouvais encore monter le niveau. Et je crois que j’y suis parvenu. »
Publié initialement sur Booska-p.
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La bouteille de circonstance en ce jour de fête des mères ! Petit Modamour rosé (ici en magnum) Apporté il y a peu par Papi Modat himself ! Grenache et syrah pour un vin fruité et rafraichissant. #cavesmaillol #moncavisteaperpignan #perpignan #perpignancity #perpignanmediterranee #livraisonperpignan #driveperpignan #domainemodat #vinrosé #rosewine #vinbio #organicwine #amour #fetedesmeres #cavistescatalans #vinsduroussillon #roussillonwines #winelover #winelovers #wineporn #winetime #wineinfluencer #wineinstagram #terroirs #vinplaisir #instawine #cavisteindependant #caviste (à Les Caves Maillol - Perpignan Centre Ville) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBIHJDNjUlC/?igshid=1doesmuqvskib
#cavesmaillol#moncavisteaperpignan#perpignan#perpignancity#perpignanmediterranee#livraisonperpignan#driveperpignan#domainemodat#vinrosé#rosewine#vinbio#organicwine#amour#fetedesmeres#cavistescatalans#vinsduroussillon#roussillonwines#winelover#winelovers#wineporn#winetime#wineinfluencer#wineinstagram#terroirs#vinplaisir#instawine#cavisteindependant#caviste
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鬼: I'd really reconsider letting Dreamer name your character.
Softpetals: It's precisely because of that that I do it. To challenge the odds, to take huge risks, to surpass your own limits through gambles, that is what it means to be a Super Saiyan
鬼: He named his third GunZ character Champion Champs and the second, Yiffy Magnum. He also told me to name my third Shadow Papi Chulo.
KING BULL: Back. Your Megaman OC should be named Smegman.
鬼: See.
KING BULL: Oh, talking shit behind my back while I go get my lunch, huh, you slimy glassgnawer.
Softpetals: Change of plans, you give me ideas instead, Take.
鬼: They are truths, fucker.
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[Hook] Relax yourself girl, please settle down Relax yourself girl, please settle down Relax yourself girl, please settle down Relax yourself girl, please settle down Yeah, alright, yo— couple days ago I met the illest latina her demeanor was unexplainable You shoulda seen her, thick thighs, nice ass Body like an hourglass didn’t hesitate to break a brother neck Second she passed I was like, “What’s up?” To which she replied, “How you doin’?” I said de nada momma But your beauty I’m persuin’ And I said I’m about to win the lottery She asks “How?” I said, “Your seven digits right now” And made her smile Now we conversing And she feelin’ my style I can tell by the way she talkin’ That she down to go the mile Had a couple drinks Now we headed back to her place The shade of red from her lipstick all over my face I’m tryin’ to hit, split it Baby girl you gonna let me get it? She said, “Hold up ok, I don’t get down like that” I said I know beautiful girl But I get down like that So let me heat it up, heat it up Go crazy and beat it up “Damn papi, how you even know I like it rough?” The way you was feelin’ on me When kissing revealed enough I wanna scratch you, provoke you Bite you, choke you But just a little, bite your legs Dig up in the middle “Hold up, wait a second Nigga, you gotta condom?” Come on beautiful girl of course I’ve got protection I stay with Magnums and I ain’t talkin’ Smith and Wesson I keep undressin’ Girl I’m about to teach you a lesson After I hit it she says “Bobby I have a confession I think I love you!” I said “ What the fuck?” Thinkin’ to myself Damn, I shoulda never cut Kissed her on the cheek Hit the lights, then she fell asleep So I snuck out the bathroom window on the creep, like (The next day, the next day, the next day, the next day, yo The next day, the next day, the next) ~Logic
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Calendrier de l’avin 2017 - Jour 22
22, vlà Ludovic ! Comme à peu près tous les avin·euses·eurs il voulait parler de REDIZDÈDE de Quentin Bourse, mais il fallu qu’il fasse (un peu) autrement et se débrouille. Il s’en tire avec brio, jugez plutôt.
Coup de foudre
par Ludovic Thonat - https://www.instagram.com/keskonboit/
Brrr… ça caille, ça meule, bref il fait froid ! Ça y est c’est l’hiver, et du coup c’est bien normal les températures négatives, les flocons de neige… Ce coup de froid, qu’il vienne maintenant, qu’il donne tout, partout, qu’il continue en janvier même s’il le veut, mais bon dieu qu’il disparaisse pour l’année 2018 à l’orée du printemps ! Qu’il ne revienne plus frapper les terres de nos amis vignerons et qu’il en profite pour garder ses copains grêlons avec lui…
En 2015 j’ai décidé de changer de vie et j’ai voulu commencer la nouvelle dans les vignes d’un domaine pas trop trop loin de mon Val d’Oise et dans une région où j’aurai les €uros nécessaires pour m’acheter toutes les cuvées du domaine :p Autant te dire qu’on ne va pas parler de Champagne ni de Crémant de Bourgogne, j’ai donc pris mon kit de camping direction la Loire et plus précisément Azay-le-Rideau, beautiful city with beautiful castle, near Chinon… C’est là que j’ai rencontré Angélique et Quentin Bourse et leurs vins, ainsi que la pluviométrie automnale de Loire sur les 1ers jours de vendange (histoire de faire le tri dans les vendangeurs avant de le faire dans les Côts, jumeaux masochistes du Malbec…) !
Quentin est un jeune homme d’une trentaine d’années, comme moi, il joue au Johnny Hallidepp et adore Orelsan comme moi, et il aime boire BiOn (Bio&Bon) comme moi, mais c’est à peu près tout ce qu’on a en commun car me concernant j’entame à peine ma seconde vie que lui doit déjà en être à la 12ème ! De la restauration rapide à l’auto-école en passant par le cuir et les caves (dit comme ça on pourrait penser à des soirées à thèmes mais non pas là…) le mec a déjà tout essayé jusqu’à finir à Azay, lui le Tourangeau, en tracteur avec des vignes et un domaine tout en biodynamie depuis pas mal d’années déjà ! Et comme c’est un type sympa il nous avait préparé une « salle des vendangeurs » pour nous restaurer, faire chauffer les cafés, décapsuler les bières et déboucher les canons !
C’est dans cette salle décorée aux couleurs de l’AOC Touraine Azay-le-Rideau et de l’empire soviétique remixé, que j’ai pu gouter pour la 1ère fois cette petite bombe en bouteille qu’est RED IS DEAD !! Il s’agit d’un pétillant naturel de Ga… Quoi ?! On en a déjà parlé au début du mois ? Et alors on n’a pas le droit aux redifs ? Bon ok…
Donc Red est Dead, alors qu’avant il coulait à flots, mais ça, c’était avant le drame ! La grêle, le gel, le gel, la grêle… Après un millésime 2015 radieux, 2016 et 2017 ont fusillé le vignoble aux 1ers bourgeons à Azay et un peu partout en Loire et bien évidemment la famille Bourse n’a pas été épargnée bien au contraire !! De quoi foutre en l’air un jeune domaine mais Le Sot de l’Ange n’est pas un domaine ordinaire, et Angélique & Quentin ne sont pas du genre à rester la tête dans le sot… Ils ont alors fait le grand saut, celui qui les faisait passer de vignerons récoltants à négociants et La Ligue était née ! Avec les raisins des copains, ils allaient commercialiser des vins aux étiquettes et aux noms inspirés des clubs de « Hocky » (comme on dit à Montréal) Nord-Américains parce que le Quentin, entre 2 journées de 32 heures (par jour bien sûr…) il aime bien faire du Hockey ou aller aux matchs des Remparts (de Tours) voir des Canadiens (de Montréal) !
Bref, on en arrive à la quille du jour et si j’avais eu un véritable coup de foudre pour Red is Dead, je dois bien avouer que je suis tout aussi raide de LA FOUDRE !!
Ce sont les Tampa Bay Lightning qui ont inspiré cette étiquette, et si je n’ai aucune idée d’où se situe leur patinoire sans utiliser google (allez je te laisse chercher aussi… Ouvre un onglet, Lilo.org – parce que c’est plus sympa vu que tes recherches financent gratuitement des projets sociaux et environnementaux… – Tape Tampa Bay Lightning et… on doit pas y avoir si froid en enlevant les patins hein ;) ), je peux te dire ce que je sais sur le contenu de la bouteille ;) Et tonnerre de Brest c’est une sacrée réussite pour les papilles ! La robe est claire, carrément de quoi tromper papy et mamie « C’est du Champagne ? », le nez offre des notes de pamplemousse frais, de fleurs blanches et de roche humide, allez vite, en bouche, c’est vif, tendu, frais et minéral avant le retour des fruits, secs cette fois-ci, tu sais les petits morceaux d’ananas, coco et passion qu’on met à l’apéro…
« Ah il est bizarre ton Champagne…
- Bah oui mamie c’en est pas ! Mais c’est quoi à ton avis ?
- Oh je sais pas mais je sais que j’en n’ai plus dans le verre remets-en…
- T’as raison Mamie je vais en reprendre un peu moi aussi…
- C’est ta faute aussi dans tes grands verres à vin on en met plus que dans mes flutes !
- Ok mais ça finit autant dans ta bouche et c’est surement meilleur pour la santé que ton cordon rouge et en plus c’est sans suc’ Mamie !! Et tiens, ton verre est encore vide, je vais nous en remettre un peu…… ou pas ! La bouteille est déjà vide !
- On l’a foudroyée !!
- C’est ça mamie, dommage qu’ils la font pas en magnum… Et sinon t’as aimé ?
- Oui c’est bon, on dirait du vin avec des bulles… »
Bingo !! La Foudre c’est du vin avec des bulles, naturelles en plus, c’est un Pétillant Naturel, de Chardonnay, beaucoup, et de Sauvignon, un peu !! Ils viennent du Sud, et partout le chemin… ne mène pas à Rome… (je sais chui lourd mais on m’a donné carte blanche alors…) mais à des terroirs où blanquette ne rime pas avec veau, pas loin de chez un autre copain du vin, Guichaume, œnologue rencontré lui aussi en 2015 au Domaine Le Sot de l’Ange à Azay-le-Rideau, chez Angélique et Quentin Bourse (et Léon et Desmo !), là où quand on n’a pas de raisin on a des idées…
Bravo les amis, bon courage, encore merci, et on croise les doigts pour qu’au printemps l’an prochain il ne fasse pas trop froid et que 2018 soit l’année qui redonne la frite…
Ludovic Thonat, sommelier co-gérant de l’Envie du jour (106 Rue Nollet Paris 17) et de Keskonboit
“On trinque ensemble sur Facebook et Instagram au quotidien et quand vous voulez au resto…”
Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/lenviedujour/
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/keskonboit/
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Denis Stracqualursi interview: Everton's fish-out-of-water cult hero who never stopped trying
#NYGvsWAS #INDvSL http://worldcupnews.info/denis-stracqualursi-interview-evertons-fish-out-of-water-cult-hero-who-never-stopped-trying/
Denis Stracqualursi interview: Everton's fish-out-of-water cult hero who never stopped trying
#Ashes #ChampionsLeague
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Denis Stracqualursi tells a lovely tale about his fish-out-of-water beginnings in English football.
The Argentinian striker, who became a cult figure among Evertonians for his big-hearted efforts in the 2011/12 season, did not have a single word of English when he set off for his first overnight stay with his new team and ended up going hungry as a consequence.
Sitting in a café in the Argentinian town of Tigre, he takes up the story. “I was used to eating at nine at night in Argentina,” he says. “The first time we slept over before a game I went downstairs at around seven o’clock, which is the time we have our merienda – some milk or a coffee with a bun. I saw the other players were eating but didn’t understand it was the custom so I got just a coffee and decided to save myself for the meal later. I then get to eight, nine, ten o’clock and there’s no food and I’m starving. I called my friend and said, ‘What time is dinner here?’. He said, ‘What do you mean, dinner? They have it at seven!’”
Stracqualursi arrived at Everton in 2011 from Tigre (Getty)
It is an amusing aside and illustrative of the broader sense of a young man entirely out of his depth, unable even to ask a simple question about mealtimes. Yet as the suddenly indispensable Oumar Niasse’s example this season underlines, Goodison Park loves a trier. Here was a player a ball prepared to fly in for horizontal headers, Andy Gray-style; a player still remembered today for the rabid work rate that shook up Manchester City when an injury-hit Everton upset the champions-elect on a raw January night in 2012. “If you’ve got to put your head in, you put your head in,” he remembers. “I think the affection I got from people was because of the way I played – throwing myself to the ground and heading the ball. I wanted to win whatever it took.”
It can take the simplest of things for a footballer to connect – to ‘click’ – with a certain club and its supporters, and Stracqualursi seems genuinely happy to look back and reminisce about his own case, and the cult status he gained. We meet at the train station in Tigre, a popular day-trippers’ destination, reached by a 45-minute ride through Buenos Aires’ affluent northern suburbs.
It was with Tigre that he had made his name as the Argentinian league’s 22-goal top scorer in 2010/11, prior to his move to England. Now back at the club, he arrives fresh from training, in hooded top and shorts, before leading me to a café where he orders lunch – and begins the story of his short life as a Premier League player.
Stracqualursi’s big-hearted efforts made him a fan favourite at Goodison (Getty)
Amid the slick, swift-footed South American imports who have graced our top flight, he resembled a product from the discount shelf: a lumbering No9, brought from a modest Argentinian club. “I’d never actually been outside Argentina before,” he says, remembering his arrival, aged 23, on the last day of the summer 2011 transfer window. He had come to England for a trial at Leicester City yet ended up on Merseyside instead. “It was strange – and fast,” he says. “It wasn’t planned.”
He adds: “It wasn’t my decision to go to Everton. It was the agent who represented me at the time, who lied to me. He said the club really liked me. It wasn’t true but there was money in it for them, but in the end it was the best time of my life.”
His new manager, David Moyes, had just lost Mikel Arteta, Yakubu and Jermaine Beckford, and his lukewarm evaluation of the qualities of his deadline-day loan gamble – “I’m not sure yet, we’ll find out in time” – was hardly a vote of confidence. Settling in was not easy. “I’d never trained with that intensity. [Moyes] wanted us to train as we played. I wasn’t used to that in Argentina and that was hard for me.”
His strongest memory of the Everton dressing room is of the “sense of belonging” fostered by Moyes. Dutchman Johnny Heitinga, formerly of Atletico Madrid, and Phil Neville, then taking Spanish classes, would pass on the manager’s instructions in stuttering Spanish, though it was Neville’s actions that provided the clearest message of the standards required.
Stracqualursi was never the most graceful but gave everything (AFP)
“I arrived there during the international break and lots of players were away. David Moyes had given the other players four or five days off and the first day I got to the club there was nobody there. The Under-23s were training, they were out there running and in the middle was Phil Neville. A player with a career like his and they’ve given him time off and he’s out there training. I told myself, ‘if that player – from Manchester United and the national team, with everything he has done – is out there training then I have to give five times more if I want to be at a club like Everton’.
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“It really struck me the hard work these players put in – players with big names, who’d been to World Cups. I didn’t know anybody when I arrived yet whenever I said to Tim Howard, ‘Can I do some finishing practice?’ he never told me no. That humility and the work ethic is not something you see everywhere.”
Stracqualursi’s story is a reminder that new players, especially youngsters from abroad, need time. He says it took a November training trip to Tenerife for him to feel integrated – “they started to trust in me” – though it was not until January that the hard work began to pay off. There were tears when he scored his first goal in an FA Cup fourth-round victory against Fulham, and then came the 1-0 victory over Man City. “The first ball I challenged for that night was against [Vincent] Kompany. I went in with all my strength and I just bounced off him. I went in with everything and couldn’t move him.
“I had a header which the defender who used to player for Everton [Joleon Lescott] cleared off the line. It was a night you dream of. It was how a night match should be – all the fans behind you, chasing for every last ball, hanging on, waiting for the clock tick down. I was man of the match and they gave me champagne.”
Stracqualursi remembers his time at Everton fondly (Getty)
Another magnum came his way after he struck his only Premier League goal in the next home fixture to complete a 2-0 win over Chelsea. “All my family at home in Argentina were watching and when I scored the goal it felt like touching heaven with my hand,” he says. “It was a day that even now I can’t keep out of my mind. If you go to my parents’ house there’s a big photo of the goal on the wall there. “There aren’t many Argentinians who go to the Premier League and even fewer who go from a team in Argentina straight to England. There’s usually a stepping stone in Italy or Spain which is easier for an Argentinian. So that moment, scoring a goal in that game, was news in all of Argentina.”
It is hard to imagine too many other top-flight footballers taking delight in attending a Player of the Month lunch for fans, but for Stracqualursi, it was all part of the adventure. As for those man-of-the match champagne bottles, they are precious mementos, never opened and now “all at home”, in the trophy room of his house in the Santa Fe province of Argentina.
Stracqualursi faded from the picture at Everton after Nikica Jelavić stepped into the team, moving back home to join San Lorenzo, yet he left considerably better memories than the more celebrated talent who had arrived at Everton on the same day as him, Dutchman Royston Drenthe. “He could do magic things on the training ground. If he’d not been so mad he could have been a great player. I thought, ‘What a waste, a player with so much ability’. He had different cars – a Rolls Royce, Ferraris. I remember one time during an international break he said to me, ‘Where are you off to?’. I said, ‘I’m going to Venice with my family’. He said, ‘You’re mad, why are you going to Venice? It’s cold there, come to Dubai with me, it’s hot’.”
Stracqualursi is back at Tigre after a well-travelled career (@simon22ph / Twitter)
Since leaving England, Stracqualursi has played in Abu Dhabi, won titles in Colombia and Ecuador but is now back at Tigre on loan. It was his year under the grey skies of Merseyside, though, that will always be his year in the sun. “I’ve seen teams lose in England but they get clapped off. Here that doesn’t happen. Because of the social problems today in Argentina, people don’t have jobs and they go to the ground to let out all that anger so football is about extremes. If you win, they love you; if you lose, they don’t. If you score, they love you; if you don’t score, they don’t.”
And, in England, he found a place where sheer hard work earned him a wave of warmth. “Just knowing that people there still remember me is worth more than any money to me,” he says, sweetly.
“Goodison Park has that look of England, when you see it on television you think that is England. It’s not the Manchester City stadium, which is so modern, but it represents where football came from, that mystique, with the people so close to you. I really felt it, the public supporting you.
“The experience at Everton was the best of all the places I’ve been too. Today my son who was only one when I was there says to me, ‘Papi, when are we going to go back to the Everton stadium to watch a game?’ When he’s bigger, I’ll take him there.”
And when he does come back, he will do his utmost to get his photo taken with another Evertonian, Wayne Rooney. After all, one regret of his stay in England is he was too shy to ask the then Manchester United player for a picture on the day their paths crossed. “We went one day to the horse races and he walked past me and said hello. I had him next to me and didn’t ask him for a photo. I was always a bit embarrassed to ask. I still kick myself for not asking.”
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