#other than that the way I approach a piece is just— whatever works LOL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writing-havoc · 1 year

Note

Hey! How're you? I hope you're well.

I absolutely adore your works and I hope it's okay to make a request? It's just a little idea I had, sort of inspired by your latest fic :)

Where the reader is a part of the crows and one night she finds this small child outside the club and she feels really sorry for them and brings them into the club and tries to help them? Maybe with a bit of Kaz x reader? Whatever you feel inspired to write to be honest :D

I hope this is okay, I love your works so much! 💖💞

Enough

♡ Summary: You do your best to care for a little boy you found while Kaz cools down

♡ Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader

♡ Fandom: Six of Crows, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): Hunger, Child Abandonment, says Yn twice

♡ WC: 4.6k

I could have sworn there was a mention of like, a café by name in the books somewhere but I couldn't find it? I just made one up but man this is gonna drive me crazy lol

Anyway, here you go! I hope it is to your liking and tysm for the request and kind words <3 so glad my fic could inspire!

Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Finding a child in an alleyway was not something you expected to tick off your bingo card so soon. Taking the child with you to the Crow Club with plans to look after him wasn't even on the card. And yet, here you are.

He's small, top of his head barely reaching your belly button, and his hands are freezing from where they hold onto your own.

You had found him not twenty minutes ago, and planned to just leave him there like any sensible person. But unfortunately, you're not as good at turning your moral compass upside down like everyone else.

So you got his attention, approaching his little shelter and offering him the last slice of bread you had swiped from someone's open kitchen window. He was hesitant to reach for it, hands slowly edging toward you as if you'd rip it away any moment, and with a certain gentleness took the piece from your hand and began to nibble on it.

His clothes were dirty, dipped in whatever dirt the Barrel has rubbed off on him and drenched through to the bone. Things were coming apart at the seams and the soles of his shoes you can tell were about to separate from the rest.

You had asked him where his parents are, and your heart immediately sunk when he looked away and towards the canal, his tiny nibbling seizing.

That was what snapped the little string you had holding you back, the other side tied to your sense of reasoning.

He's just a kid. You were just a kid once. Arguably still are. You'll be damned if you had to watch someone who was no older than 7 go through the same fate you did.

But your sentiments were short lived, starting and ending with you, as the moment you stepped through the doors of the Crow Club with the kid clutching your hand, Kaz was narrowing his eyes and his teeth were gritting.

You glared at Dreg members around you, daring them to stop you as you made your way to the back of the club where all the alcohol is stored. Nina and Jesper were setting up chairs, and you gave them a blank look as you entered the room, the sound of metal thumping rhythmically following.

"Yn." A rough gravelly voice calls behind you.

You ignore it, looking at the kid. "Is it alright if I lift you up? Just to here, hun."

In the softest voice you ever heard, the kid says "Yeah." and allows you to put your hands under his arms and lift him onto a crate.

"Yn," Kaz calls again, making your blood simmer.

There's really nothing you can do here. The Club is going to open in a few moments for the five o' clock rush and there's not any spare clothes. You'll have to wait until you can go to the market later to fetch him some clothes and bathe him at the Slat.

The ferrule of a cane drags across the floor, and you roll your eyes.

"Give me a moment, okay?" You say to the kid, waiting for him to nod before turning around, exiting into the main bar area.

"Are you mad?" He hisses at you, hand gripping his cane so hard you can see it shake. "What could have possibly made you think bringing a child here would be a good idea?"

His anger isn't too surprising. But if you're being honest, it's annoying.

"I was thinking that he has nowhere to go." You say, voice low as you walk away from the door a little more. Kaz follows you, eyebrows still snapped together and a hardness to his jaw you don't think you've ever seen directed at you. "He was outside and shivering inside a make-shift shelter made out of fruit crates and a tattered towel. He needs a place to stay."

"I don't care what it needs. It has no place here." His eyes flicker to the kid.

You cross your arms, anger bubbling in your chest. "He is not going anywhere. He is cold, and small, and hungry, and we have everything here and at the Slat to keep him comfortable."

His eyes snap back to you. "This isn't a daycare. We can't just swing our doors open to any lost kid you manage to find on the streets. This is the fucking Crow Club."

"I know damn well what this place is, Kaz." Your jaw hurts from how hard you're clenching it, head starting to pound at your temples. "I'm not blind nor incompetent. But he can't weigh more forty pounds and he's way past the age for that to be acceptable. I cannot, in good conscience, let him go for him to starve and eventually die on the streets."

He goes to say something, but stops, eyes flickering around your face. Your jaw is set, features no doubt mirroring his as you stand your ground, hands on your hips and feet stood apart.

"Please, Kaz."

You don't care that he runs this place. You're not about to be pushed around and bullied into staying complicit while this kid dies.

And he knows this.

So he closes his eyes, looking away from you as he takes a deep breath, collecting himself. His hand is no longer shaking, but you can tell he's still angry, ready to swing at both the imaginary and the physical.

He takes one last breath and looks at you, eyes only just softer than before. "You are responsible for him. He's hungry? You feed him. He's hurt? You fix him." The crows head of his cane comes up to look at you. "If he causes trouble, you deal with him."

You smile for only a moment before you push the cane away from your face, his barrier down. "He's well behaved. It'll be fine."

"You better hope so." He mumbles under his breath, walking away slightly off rhythm.

You watch him leave, members parting when they see his mood. A few even nearly knock over a chair when he gets a bit too close, Nina and Jesper arching their brows as he disappears out the door.

A few people are staring at you, eyes hungry for gossip and a glimpse at the kid you ushered in not minutes before.

You ignore them in turn for trying to figure out what to do with him.

He's sitting on a crate of Kaelish whiskey, legs shut tightly and dangling off the side, arms wrapped around his torso. But he's looking around, taking in the stockpile of alcohol.

"Alright, first things first." You say, leaving a crack in the door as you step into the room. He's jumpy, staring at you with analyzing eyes. "What's your name?"

He opens his mouth to say something, but then pauses, quickly shutting it.

You chuckle. "Listen, kid. Whatever you've got to hide, I don't give a shit. You're in the Barrel now, the only names that matter here are who you've decided to roll your dice with and those who call themselves bosses."

He thinks about it then, eyes narrowing and feet rubbing against eachother inside his tattered shoes. He wets his lips.

"Leopold."

It's... a little far from what you were expecting. You just barely stop yourself from snorting. "You'd have been better off lying."

His face blossoms in red, embarrassment clear as he begins to shut down.

"Hey, hey. I'm sorry." You're still smiling so it doesn't help much. But you kneel down in front of him. "It's customary here to at least make light fun of others when you first meet them." He's not convinced, but he's a little less prickly now, so that's something. "Is Leopold what you'd like to be called? Or is there a different name you have in mind?"

Again, he thinks about it.

"Leo, is fine."

"Leo is much better." You pat his knee, standing up.

His cheeks are still red, but you can tell he feels a little more confident now.

The arms that were tightly coiled around his waist have loosened, resting on his legs. His feet are swinging, just barely, and his back has straightened.

A thought comes to mind when you see his shoe begin to slip off his foot.

"How hungry are you?" You ask.

And before he can answer, you hear a rather loud grumbling from his stomach, and a bit of a pained expression falls on his face.

Your smile drops a little. "Well it's good to see you haven't got comfortable with being hungry yet. Come on." You wave him over as you swing the door open. "We're going to get some waffles."

"Waffles?!" You hear from your left.

Leo jumps in surprise, not expecting the voice.

You, however, were expecting it. Counting on it, even. "Yes, Nina. You can come if you want!"

It's faint, but you can hear her go "yes!" and the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. "No need to ask me twice!"

You look at Leo as he approaches the door, hands fidgeting with eachother.

"None of that." You say, tapping his hands, which in turn makes him fling them apart. "When you walk out of here, in front of all those people, pretend to be confident."

His eyebrows knit together, so you take your finger and smooth it out. "You don't have to actually feel confident, but those guys out there? They're vultures, and I dont think you have the heart to take the amount of teasing and bullying they'll inflict on you if they see you fidgeting like that." You grab his shoulders, and watch in amusement as he stiffens into a board. You give him a thumbs up, then tilt his chin parallel to the floor, bringing it out of its nook in his chest. "Fidgeting is reserved for those who have earned their place here, when everyone knows that if they mess with you, you'll hold your ground."

He's sweating, and his eyes are big and wide, but it's a little better than whatever he had going on before.

You usher him out the door, closing it behind you. People are still staring, and others are giving mean side eyes, but you ignore them, smiling at Nina from where she stands by the door.

Her face gets wider when she sees Leo next to you.

"Oh you're the little bugger that had Brekkers panties in a bunch." She leans down, ruffling his hair. "You and I are going to get along swimmingly."

Leo cringes, scrunching in on himself and away from her hand. He's absolutely not pleased, you think, as Nina takes her hand back.

Lazily helping him sort his hair back out, you start to wonder what this kid even likes.

"Nina, this is Leo. Leo, this is Nina, greatest wolf tamer to grace Fjerda's soil."

Nina scoffs, kicking her leg out and knocking your shin with the toe of her boot. "The whole world, thank you very much." She turns out the door, holding it open for you both as you exit.

You do your best to keep the kid close as you make your way through the streets, idly chatting with Nina as you shove Leo around into various alley ways when you see someone you don't have good relations with and pulling him away from an oncoming carriage when he gets lost staring at the boats that roam the canal.

He has to be an artist's son, or maybe a writer's. You don't know anyone who just stops in the middle of the road to look at boats doing their job and floating on water.

It's actually a miracle you make it to the little diner in one piece.

Inside it smells strongly like shitty coffee and various breakfast foods given the hour, much to both you and Nina's delight.

You're just happy to be out of Barrel air for a moment. Even if you were only just across East Stave and a two minute walk would plant you back in the slums, you swear the air quality just immediately skyrockets the second you cross the bridge.

The menus of this place are built into the tables, Grisha engraved into a thin piece of metal while a thick card on a rack displays the specials.

A booth a little ways away from the corner suits your group well, though you do regret not giving Leo a wipe down before coming out here.

It does seem like he attempted to clean himself off. Probably while Kaz was lecturing you. The dirt that was under his fingernails seems to be picked out, and the smudges on his face are considerably fainter.

It's a good thing you didn't walk into one of the nicer diners around here. But from your experience, the shittier the establishment the better their food will taste.

If you don't feel at least a little unsafe walking by it then it's probably not worth the kruge.

You shimmy into one side of the booth first while Nina slides in on the other side. Leo follows after you, sticking as close as he can while still giving you a bit of arm room.

"Alright." You smile, looking at the little breakfast section, scooting in just a bit more so Leo can look at the menu as well. "I know I said waffles, but really you can order anything you like."

"You're paying, yes?" Nina asks.

You roll your eyes. "Yes, Nina. I'm paying. Though do try and feel a little guilty for my poor pocket."

She doesn't say anything, eyes roaming over the whole breakfast section rather than stopping on just the waffles like usual.

Maybe you'll get some lunch to balance out the sugar that's about to grace the table.

The smallest of taps tickles your shoulder. "What's this?"

He's pounting at the menu, the item catching your eye. "Ah, I forgot these places give awful names to their foods. It's an omelet," you clarify, "with little veggies mixed in. Probably cheese in the middle."

His eyes go wide as you mime the size of such a dish with your hand.

"Would you like it?" You ask, gently probing at the little bits of personality that have managed to unravel themselves in the short time you've known him.

He looks at you, hesitant as he nods. "Yes please."

You smile. "Nice choice, kid."

The praise makes him smile, just as a waiter comes and begins to take your orders.

Of course, Nina gets a few plates of waffles with various toppings that she found interesting with a plate of toast, Leo gets his omelet with extra cheese, and you indulge yourself with a pile of hashbrowns and eggs over top.

Mixing it all together on your plate always sends Kaz into a frenzy. You hope he can feel the monstrosity being prepared and weeps at the sin you're about to commit.

"Does that man hate me?" Leo suddenly asks.

You scrunch your brows, discreetly looking around. "What man?"

"That man from before, that yelled at you." He says, rubbing his finger over a fork he received. "Did I get you in trouble?"

Nina chuckles. "Kaz is just like that. Out of everyone in that place your protector here is of the least likely to get in trouble."

You smile at that, thinking of Kaz's tendencies.

What Nina said isn't exactly true. You get in trouble just as much as the rest of them. Kaz just forgives you easier, is more willing to talk and come to a compromise.

Tonight you'll walk into his office and he'll still be steaming, angry at you for not clearing such a major change with him. He'll glance up at you, shoulders stiff and that cavern between his brows only getting deeper.

But if things go right, that edge he has a habit of keeping sharp will dull, his jaw will slacken, and his eyes will soften. He'll still be the hardstrung mini boss hell bent on making up for the past, but he'll settle down in the present for a little while, drinking the warm tea you set on his desk and heart a bit more open to you.

"No, I'm not in trouble." You fix his collar. "Just have some explaining to do."

Leo frowns, opting to pick at the metal menus. His leg is bouncing up at down, temples flexing. "So he is mad at me?"

You glance at Nina. She has a tightness to her lips, not knowing what to say either.

A joke, then. "He's not allowed to be mad at you before he meets you. However, I will be mad at you if you piss yourself in this booth."

His cheeks turn scarlet, not knowing where to look anymore. "I didnt know where the bathroom was."

"It's fine." You look towards the back, pointing to a hallway. "Down there, there's a bathroom. Lock the door behind you and knock before you go in."

He looks a little angry when you say that, but gets up and sulks his way over to the hallway. At least he already knows basic manners, then.

You turn to Nina, a deep sigh escaping your lungs.

She snorts. "I can see you turning older from where you sit."

You kick her foot under the table. "I couldn't leave him. Can you check up on him when we get back to the Club? I don't imagine he'll want me poking around at him trying to find a wound that doesn't exist."

"Seeing as you bought me breakfast, I suppose I have to return the favor."

"Thank you." You grab her hand, the both of you squeezing. "I'm sorry for tricking you."

That makes her let out a belly laugh, a short "ha!" while her cheeks glow. "If your tricks always start out like this then you wont see me complaining. Besides," she looks towards the back of the diner, "he's a cutie. Wouldn't want him dropping dead anytime soon."

"I'm mostly just worried about how calm he is. I mean, would you be this fine with a stranger picking you off the street and taking you to get food?"

Nina sighs, giving your hand another light squeeze. "Im not sure he knows he should be afraid. Which is more of a curse than a blessing. He's what, six?"

"Probably? My oldest quess is seven, but with how small he is compared to how well-mannered he is he could be ten for all I know."

"He'll be fine. And so will you. Just take it as it comes as all the advice I can offer you. He's probably going through shock."

Leo slides back into the booth, hands slightly damp from what you hope is water and not urine. Somehow the food is already done within the short amount of time you order, and a waiter is sliding the dishes onto the table.

The omelet doesn't stand a chance in front of a young boy, and a quarter of it is nearly gone before the waiter leaves.

You spare a glance at Nina, who's looking at the rapidly disappearing slab of eggs with amazement."Well if he wasn't before he definitely is about to be."

-----

You tuck the kid into bed, freshly washed and with a clean set of clothes on his body. His hair was actually a much lighter shade of brown than you thought, and beneath all that grime rested a few freckles and an old scar.

Nina had checked him all over for any sort of injury, and found nothing besides a bit of high blood pressure, which wasn't surprising given he was absolutely starving.

A bit of food in him for the next few months should help tremendously, you think.

He just got done stuffing himself with some soup you made for you and the Crows, ignoring the fact that the Slat was filled to the brim with people who also wanted some. It was enough for them that you pointed to a box of recipes and some spare ingredients, cheers sounding throughout the building.

Kaz had took his and disappeared up to his room before you could say anything, still visibly irritated.

Nina thinks he's about six, which could be why he's relatively quick to trust.

"Are you sure he's not mad at me?" Leo asks, patting down a pillow you just sewed together and bring you out of your thoughts.

You squat by your bed, head in your hands. "Maybe," you sigh. "But it's not from anything you did. He just doesn't like to be mad at me so he's using it up on you."

"Thats not very kind."

You want to wrap this kid up tighter. "No, it's not." Instead you turn the lantern beside your bed down to a very low flame, creating a soft glow throughout the room. "But it's Kaz."

Leo takes that explanation like a champ, like he actually understands what that means, and let's his eyes fall shut.

You pick up the hot tea you made earlier, using your key to lock the door behind you as you make your way over to the attic.

Strangely, you feel anxious as you ascend the stairs. The tea shakes in your hands, rattling a little against the mismatched saucer plate. But you open his door and are met with the exact situation you predicted earlier, your shoulders relaxing.

"Tea will not stave my mood." He turns over a piece of paper, setting down an ink pen.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." You set the tea on his desk, avoiding the wells of the door. "I am simply offering a nice cup of tea for my nice boyfriend who is totally not about to shove his nice cane up my nice ass."

"The last place my cane will go is up your ass." He sets the page down, looking up at you. "That's incredibly unsanitary."

You root around on his desk, looking at the various papers he's marking and reading through. "And the blood isn't?

"Arguably easier to clean." He takes a packet out of your hand and replaces it with a different one. "Educate me as to why bringing a child into my club was a smart decision."

Immediately you deflate, falling back into a chair. You cringe when the wood digs into your bones.

Honestly, you already told him everything. He's small, food was available, you had space he could occupy, why not?

"I've already told you, Kaz. I had the ability, and I dont really see a reason why not. Why don't you educate me?"

He looks about ready to strangle something, exasperated sigh shoving it's way out of his lungs.

"What are you going to do on the ocassion he gets in the line of fire? How are you going to react if his parents find him? When they take him back? Can you say with absolute certainty that this child wont destroy you?" He stands with every question, looming over his desk with his hands splayed over the surface.

"Could you have said that about me when we got together?" You counter.

It's a rare thing, to see Kaz go quiet and contemplative.

You don't particularly enjoy it.

"I can't say that should any of those happen I won't be a little devastated. But is it really justifiable to push him out just because he has the potential to hurt me?" You stand too, the packet still in your hand. "As you said, he's my responsibility. When it comes to that, I'll take the fall. You don't have to be as worried as you are-"

"I do." He interrupts. "I do, because he's important to you. And unfortunately our moods and overall state of mind have an overwhelming effect on the other."

You take a moment to look at him, purple blotches under his eyes and his scars highlighted by angle of the light. He's exhausted, and it kind of hurts to realize some of that might have been your fault.

But you're not sorry.

"He thinks you hate him."

"I don't know enough about him to properly hate him."

You smile as he sits down, bringing the cup of tea with him. He's far more relaxed than before, and is just this side of tired that you see his eyelids begin to weigh down, a deep breath is all it takes for the tension to leave his brows completely as the warm beverage meets his mouth. You swear you hear him moan when he feels just how warm it still is.

"Thats what I told him, but I don't think he believes me."

"Suck to suck. Look at the packet."

It's rather thin, you realize, black string tying the pages together. On the front, which you skimmed and didn't really read earlier, it says "Tips for new Adoptees".

On the inside are various tables and notes Kaz seems to have scrounged together, his messy cursive completely filling the pages to the point you have trouble figuring out where a thought ends and another begins.

"Huh." Is all you say, chest heavy and feet scuffing the floor.

You dont... you don't know what to say. You're reading something about how much a child costs but you're not really taking it in. It's more than you could have ever imagined.

Kaz sets the tea down. "I imagine Leo isn't going to be the last. You know where the extra paper is."

He makes your heart so warm. It makes it hard to be annoyed at him for doubting you.

The stairs leading up to the attic creak, and immediately you and Kaz are on guard, your hand moving to your back where little daggers decorate your belt.

Leo's face pops into the room, and you immediately relax, an exasperated sigh exiting your lips. "Hey, Leo. What's going on?"

He inches into the room, hands tentatively still holding onto he door. "I feel bad about going to sleep in your bed. And I wanted to say sorry for doing what I did, Mr. Kaz."

Kaz quirks a brow. "And what is that?"

"Um..." Leo freezes, looking away. "I don't know."

Immediately you look at Kaz, raising your own brow. He gives you a look that you know would kill you if it could, and you smile.

"Leo, come here and meet Kaz." You wave him over, setting the packet aside.

He hesitates, making a move to walk into the room. But when his eyes land on Kaz, he stops.

"He doesnt bite." You try and crack a joke, and while he doesnt laugh, he does drop his shoulders and release the iron grip from the doors side.

Kaz stands and walks around the table, limp pronounced as usual without his cane as Leo closes the door and makes his way across the room.

They stare at eachother for a few moments, coming just a few feet apart behind your chair. You watch their eyes scan over the other, Leo eyeing Kaz's limp and little scars and Kaz inspecting Leo' clothes and the way his ear is slightly folded inwards.

Surprisingly, Kaz offers his gloved hand first, and Leo takes it almost instantly. You watch as they share a firm handshake, nodding at eachother.

"Please to make your anquaintance." There's a slight fumble to Leo's words, and it takes everything in your power to not interrupt their moment and correct him.

But Kaz just nods, releasing their hands. "Pleasure is all mine."

You smile, the little interaction forever cemented into your soul.

Leo definitely isn't going to be the last kid coming through here. Not when Kaz let's a smile pull at his lips just so, and makes a pen appear out of thin air for Leo to look at.

For now, however, this is enough.

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Tags:

@b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @a-candle-maker @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @kylie18 @morrigan-crowmwell

#ask #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows x y/n #six of crows x you #six of crows fanfic #six of crows imagine #grishaverse x you #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse x y/n #fanfic #imaginesfire

2K notes · View notes

blue-slxt · 10 months

Text

Package Deal

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

A/N: So this idea came from me wanting to venture out and do something special for pride month. Leave it to me to get it out right at the end of the month lol. As a bisexual hopeless romantic, the premise just kind of hit me and I just rolled with it. It's my first ever femxfem piece, but I hope it turned out good. I may possibly do a second part to this if I feel like it later down the road if people want that. Anyways, I hope you guys like this one! All characters are aged up.

Pairing: Tsireya x Fem!Metkayina!Reader x Lo'ak

Warnings: Unrequited Love?, Secret Crush, Jealousy, Angst, Throuple Dynamic, Smut, Fingering, Oral (F receiving), Dry Humping?, Praise Kink if you squint, I think that's it.

Word Count: 4k

Summary: You're forced to confront your secret crush on your best friend when her attention starts to drift elsewhere.

There was no one you loved more than Tsireya. She had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. She has been your constant. She is always here with you. There was not a time before her and there will never be a time after her. She was your person. Your Reya. You were convinced that there was not a force strong enough on this planet to come between the two of you.

Even as the two of you grew and matured and males started looking at the two of you as potential mates, anyone who approached you had to know that this was a package deal. Tsireya would always be number one in your heart and vice versa. There was no one else worthy of her love.

Boys came and went, but you were here with her forever. When the next stupid boy would come along and inevitably break her heart, you would be here with open arms waiting for her to melt in your warm embrace. “Forget about that asshole, Reya. You still got me and I’m not going anywhere.”

At least, that was how it was supposed to work.

The arrival of the Sully family completely threw everything off. Specifically, Lo’ak. You saw the way he looked at Tsireya when they first landed. Of course, he’d be enthralled by her beauty. Who wouldn’t be? But what you weren’t ready for was the way she looked back at him. There was no way she was serious. But she was. No matter. This one will end soon enough just like all the others and it would be just you and her together against the world again. The way it was supposed to be.

You had convinced yourself that even though Lo’ak was clearly taken with Tsireya, she was only being friendly towards him. It was strictly platonic. It only makes sense. She has the responsibility of helping train him and his siblings and it just makes sense to be hospitable. That’s all it was.

But slowly, over the passing months, it became harder and harder to convince yourself. Tsireya started finding less and less time for you and more and more time for Lo’ak. Early morning walks were spent hand-in-hand with him. She would sit with him at meals listening intently to whatever nonsense he was spewing. And training, that was the worst. They were always so touchy with each other. The way his hand would rest a little too close to her inner thigh when he rode on the back of her ilu and the way her face would flush at the contact. It made your stomach churn.

“Easy. What did the spear do to you?” Ao’nung joked next to you while you aggressively sharpened your weapon. True enough, it threatened to snap in your grasp at any moment. You rolled your eyes in annoyance and tossed it to the ground. He huffs out a sigh, “You know, you make yourself so obvious.”

Your head whips around to him, “How do you mean?”

“I mean that it is clear to anyone with half a brain that you are completely in love with Tsireya and you’re jealous that she’s taken a liking to the forest freak.”

Heat spreads through your cheeks at his astute observation. “You’re being ridiculous. I just don’t think he’s good enough for her. And as her best friend, I just want the best for her.” “That’s bullshit. You don’t think anyone is good enough for her because they’re not you. You don’t just ‘want the best for her’, you think you are the best for her.”

“You know, Ao’nung, you’d do well to mind your own business.” You hurriedly stand and take off down the beach. Right now, you’re not sure which upset you more, watching Tsireya let Lo’ak be all over her, or the fact that Ao’nung had you totally figured out. He was right. You had been caught in Tsireya’s undercurrent for years and you were more than happy to drown yourself in her.

But in reality, deep down, you knew. You knew that your feelings were completely one-sided. She had never seen you the way you did her. Her love for you, while it was true and strong, it was purely platonic. That realization hurt more than an arrow straight through the chest.

There had been so many moments you had wanted to tell her how you truly felt. How much you loved her. How you actually loved her. Beg her to give you a chance to prove yourself a worthy and competent mate for her. So many times you had almost let the words slip out when she’d fall into your arms in tears. Almost. But then the fear would smell hope in the air and pounce like the predator it was. And you would cower away from your feelings like prey.

…

Today was the last straw. You’ve had just about all you can take of this. You couldn’t take it when Tsireya had eagerly showed you the arm band she had woven for Lo’ak. The intricate pattern that you just know she spent countless hours perfecting and the beads whose color would have taken hours of searching to find. She had never made anything for anyone but you. The one anklet that you still wore to this day. The one that she had made for you back when you were children and you would have her adjust for you every time you grew too big to fit it anymore. It was special because Tsireya did not make jewelry for anyone else since. And now, here her new gift stared you right in the face gloating. Rubbing sea salt into the still bleeding gash on your heart. You couldn’t take the shy smile on her face as she explained how many times she’d had to restart the project just to get it right. You had taken about as much of this as you could and, finally, you had lost it.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s great, Tsireya. I’m sure he’ll love it. He loves anything you do.” Your words are sarcastic and bitter as they hit her ears making them twitch in confusion.

“What is wrong? You never call me by my name.” it breaks your heart to see the way her face falls, but not more than seeing the trinket still clutched in her hand.

“Just forget it. Go be with your new boyfriend.”

“Why are you acting this way?” you can see the tears starting to well in her eyes. Your heart yearns to reach out and stop them in their tracks, but your ego is too bruised to let you move towards her.

“Me acting this way? What about you? Ever since Lo’ak came into the picture, you’ve completely forgotten about me. About us! He may be infatuated with you, but I actually lo—”

Your brain kicks into autopilot and stops your tongue before you can even register what you were about to say.

Her stare is gentle and once your half confession fully settles into her mind, there’s a flash of what looks like pity. And there it is. The rejection. You knew it was coming, but to see it still hurt all the same. Your eyes drop to the floor and your ears shrink down to your head trying to make yourself look as small as you felt.

“Never mind. Forget I said anything.” You quickly pass her to take off running down the shore.

“Wait!” She calls out after you, but your feet are already set in their mission to carry you away from this situation.

You fucked up. You had utterly destroyed whatever semblance of a relationship you had with Tsireya. There’s no way she doesn’t hate you now. She would go be with Lo’ak and would resign the memory of you to a dark corner of her past that she would soon forget.

You keep running. You’re not sure where to, but you keep going hoping to outrun your heartache. Eventually, your feet slow down and your lungs burn with lack of oxygen. When you finally come to a halt, you’re met with a secluded section of the beach hidden by towering boulders on the shore. You remember this place. You had come here years ago with Tsireya. The day you realized you were in love with her.

You both had come here and decided to braid each other’s hair. The act of braiding someone’s hair felt so inherently intimate. You were initially confused about the full-body chills you felt when her fingers trailed through your loose curls. Her grip was gentle, but firm and the rise and fall of your chest got deeper with each breath. She layed your head in her lap when she finished and simply let her hands stroke your head. Looking up at her in that moment, she looked ethereal. If you had ever doubted the existence of Eywa, this had definitely turned you into a believer. Only an almighty being could create someone so perfect. In that moment when your heart swelled in your chest, you knew.

But that was all over now. Sitting amongst these boulders now brought on only cold, stiff despair. You sink to your knees and you let yourself grieve. Grieve the love that never got the chance to be. Grieve the greatest friendship you had ever known. Grieve the future that would forever be out of your reach. And these rocks bore witness to it all.

“There you are!” you turn to see Tsireya running towards where you sat for what felt like months. Embarrassment and shame burn in your cheeks and you turn your head back away from her. “How did you know where I’d be?”

“I just know you too well.” A small smile plays on her lips until she sees you aren’t buying into it and her smile falls just as easily as it came.

Her hand rests on your cheek and brings your face back to her. “Look at me” her eyes are sad and her tone is cautious. “I love you. You know that.”

“Just not the way that I love you.”

Her ears flatten against her head and her thumb rubs small circles against your cheeks. You let out a deep sigh leaning your face more into her touch. There’s almost no more time to process everything you’re feeling when Tsireya leans forward and presses her lips to yours. You’re unable to do anything but sit there dumb struck when she pulls back. The kiss was quick and sweet and now it feels like all the blood has rushed to your head. You know your face must give away how you’re feeling from how she giggles at your expression.

“Why did you do that? I—I mean, I’m happy. But I’m also really fucking confused.” It feels like the words can’t tumble out of your mouth fast enough.

“You may be skilled, but subtlety has never been your strong suit. I have always known.”

Your eyes go wide in shock and embarrassment. How long has she known? Were you really that obvious? Did Ao’nung tell her? “Wait, but what about Lo’ak?”

She shrugs slightly, “Yes, I love him, but I told him that if we were going to be anything to each other, he would have to accept all of me. And that includes you. You are a part of me and I love you…in every way.”

Her hand grips yours tightly hoping that it will aid you in believing her.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I assumed that you were not ready yet since you didn’t say anything to me either.”

You can’t help but laugh slightly at yourself. You couldn’t really blame her for that.

“So Lo’ak is…okay? Like with this?” you gesture between the two of you hoping that she understands what you actually mean. And the relief you feel when she nods her head is unmatched. You all but throw yourself into her arms and hold her tight trying to cling on to this dream for dear life.

When she laughs, it shakes your body a little. “Are you going to cry?” “No! Shut up.” you lie already feeling the tears gathering on your waterline.

…

The next few weeks feel like a fever dream. Tsireya convinced you to play nice with Lo’ak. You were hesitant to say the least, but when she flashes you those big sad eyes, how are you supposed to ever say no to her? And, you’d never admit this out loud, but you’re glad that you did give him a chance. You were maybe a little over-vigilant the first few days, but he quicky showed how much he actually cares and how respectful he could be. Not only to Tsireya either. Lo’ak would always make it a point to ensure that you were included in activities and conversations. Anything he did for Tsireya, he did for you too. Even the courting gifts. It was a little awkward for you at first. Nevertheless, he would always make sure to bring two of whatever gift he had. It was more than a little sweet.

“I thought you hated my guts. Of course, I was afraid to approach you!” he said with levity dancing through his voice making all of you laugh. Tsireya’s legs were draped across his lap with his hands resting on them and rubbing small circles into her calf. Her head rested in your lap and one of your hands held her cheek which she rested comfortably into.

“Sorry, that is kind of on me. I was not your biggest fan to start with.”

“And what about now?” he cocks his eyebrow at you.

“I guess you’re okay.” You playfully roll your eyes, but Tsireya catches the look on your face.

“Liar! You are blushing!” she teases from under you.

“Reya!” you lightly pinch her cheek and she laughs that adorable little laugh of hers.

When the day comes for you to all be mated, you’re more than a little nervous.

“Um…s-so how do we…I mean like do you—or sh-should we…maybe…” your mind is racing so fast that you can’t seem to pin down a single coherent thought and it shows. “I have no idea how this is supposed to work.” You finally admit. Tsireya squeezes your hand reassuringly and offers you a small smile calming you instantly.

“Listen, you two go have your fun. I’ll join you soon enough.” Lo’ak suggests and your jaw drops a little while Tsireya’s tail is thrashing happily behind her.

“Are you sure? I mean like I’d love to, but are you sure you’re okay with that?” you almost can’t believe it.

He smirks and shrugs his shoulders a bit, “You guys have been together way before I came along. It just makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Tsireya lifts up on her toes and kisses his cheek. In a show of appreciation, you do the same before whispering a small ‘thank you’.

“Just make sure you both save some energy for me too!” he teases as you walk into the marui and pull the covering over the entrance.

Tsireya is already taking a seat on the mat and you join her and you just take in her beauty.

“I’m a little nervous. I don’t really know what to do.” She admits with her cheeks turning violet. You’re sure your face probably mimics hers, but you decide to take the initiative.

You reach out to cup her face and pull her lips to yours in a tender kiss. She relaxes at your touch and your hands slide down to rest on her waist and pull her closer. Her hands wrap around the back of your neck and her fingers busy themselves tracing up and down your spine. Cautiously, you swipe your tongue along her bottom lip in hopes that she’ll let you in and she does. Her mouth tastes sweet on your tongue. It makes your whole body feel like it’s buzzing. She sighs into the kiss and it makes you feel bold enough to pull her into your lap and she crosses her legs around you. She’s so close, but you still need her closer. Your hands race up and down her body itching to touch every inch of skin physically possible. You finally break the kiss only to trail your lips down her jaw and neck where you suck little hickeys into her flawless skin. Her fingers tangle in your hair and that familiar shiver runs down your back. You move your face and hands to her chest taking in every part of her you can. You clumsily untie her top and discard it across the room so that you can have uninhibited access to her. Your hands grope and squeeze and tease before you give an experimental lick to one of her nipples. She squeaks out a cute little whimper and it may possibly be the most arousing sound you’ve ever heard. Her face is fully flushed looking down at you as you continue to let yourself indulge in her body.

Tsireya starts to grind her hips down into yours searching for friction against her throbbing heat. You shift your bodies so that you can lay her down on her back and she keeps her thighs secure around your waist. Your body seems to work out what to do before your mind as your hips slowly roll into hers and she starts to moan when you hit a certain spot. You’re almost embarrassingly wet at this point feeling her skin all over yours.

“Mmf…please…I need you to touch me there.” Her breathless pleas make your ears twitch and it’s almost comical how quickly you kiss your way down her body until your face is buried between her thighs nipping little love bites into the soft skin on the inside. Tsireya is actually the one who takes it upon herself to raise her hips and slide off her loincloth and all you can do is stare at her awestruck. Your heart skips several beats as you come face-to-face with her core. It’s even prettier than you had imagined in your dreams. Her pheromones are almost overwhelming, but in the best way where you want to suffocate in it. There’s already a small puddle forming on the mat underneath where her slick is dripping out of her.

“Do not stare. It’s embarrassing.” She says trying to hide her blush behind her hands. You never thought you could love Tsireya any more than you already did, but right now, seeing her like this…you are irredeemably in love with her and shamelessly horny for her. You start with small kitten licks here and there trying to gauge her reactions. Small whimpers jump from her throat, but when you drag the flat of your tongue over her clit, a loud moan spills over and her eyes close savoring the feeling. That’s it. You drag your tongue up the length of her pussy and wrap your lips around her clit and suck lightly. Her hands immediately shoot down to hold your hair while her head falls back. You groan letting her arousal coat your tongue and watch her chest heave with her panting breaths. Her fingers tighten at the root of your hair and her hips start to grind into your face covering your nose and mouth and chin in her essence. One of your fingers covers itself in her slick and probes at her entrance. You slowly sink your digit into her and there’s just barely enough room for your finger inside of her tight heat. You’re almost worried that you hurt her when you curl your finger up and she cries out, but her half-lidded eyes staring down at you tell you otherwise.

“Ma precious Reya, so sweet” the desire is thick in your voice. Even after the countless nights that you dreamed of this moment, it doesn’t even come close to the reality. All the sweet noises she makes and your name dripping from her lips like honey makes your body feel like fire.

Your thumb brushes over her clit and you can feel how her walls clench around your finger at the contact.

“Ah! I think I’m gonna…” you don’t even let her finish her thought when you attach your lips to her clit again and suck on it lightly still stroking your finger in and out of her. This throws her over the edge. Her back bows and her muscles contract as her release washes over her. Her clit throbs in your mouth and you can feel her dripping down your finger while she rides out her orgasm.

Her body finally relaxes and you pull your finger out of her. It’s only when you sit back on your heels that you notice how you’re soaking through your own loincloth. Tsireya sits up on her elbows and her eyes fall to the giant wet spot between your legs. Your thighs squeeze together suddenly feeling very self-conscious under her gaze. Her face melts into pure seduction as a smirk plays at her lips. Now you look like a deer in headlights watching the sway of her tail while she crawls over to you. You’ve never seen such an expression on her and it’s threatening to make your brain short circuit.

Tsireya claims your lips with hers and uses this opportunity to undo the knot still holding your loincloth on your hips. “This needs to go right now” she says against your mouth finally getting it off you and throwing it somewhere behind her that you can’t bring yourself to care about in this moment. A gentle hand on your chest urges you to lay back as she eyes your figure. You can tell that she’s nervous about doing well from the way her left ear twitches back and forth without the right one doing the same. It’s always been a tell that she’s had. Regardless of whatever nerves she’s feeling, she sinks her head between your legs and starts lapping at your drenched folds. A deep sigh leaves your lips somewhere between relief and need. Her eyes flash up to your face when she licks your clit and your body jolts from the stimulation. It’s too much to see her watch you writhe in pleasure under her. And the way her lips and tongue move along your pussy—oh, Eywa, you would never guess that this was her first time doing this. Or maybe, after all these years, she just knew you that well. Whatever the case was, it was working wonders.

“A-ah…Reya…” your hands rest on top of hers that held your thighs open and your eyes roll until you find the unending blackness behind them.

The knot deep in your stomach is already dangerously close to snapping. You hadn’t realized just how close to cumming you already were just from eating her out, but now she’s about to tumble you right over that edge and you’re more than happy to fall right into your orgasm. You cum with a loud, unrepentant moan and her name in a never-ending string on your tongue. Stars spot your vision by the time you start to come down and Tsireya watches your erratic breathing slowly calm itself while resting her cheek on the inside of your thigh.

A large lopsided grin sits on your face reveling in the bliss of the moment. You silently swear that you’ll never complain about a single thing in life ever again.

“Was that good?” she sheepishly asks you and your hands bring her face up to yours.

“That was fucking amazing, Reya.” She giggles against your lips when you kiss her again.

“Can I finally come play too?” Lo’ak’s voice breaks through the marui and you release Tsireya. You both turn to look at him and you’re all a little surprised when you’re the one to extend your hand out to him.

“Get in here, skxawng.” A grin flashes across his face before he steps in and lets the flap close behind him.

#avatar #avatar the way of water #avatar fic #awow #avatar smut #tsireya x reader #aged up tsireya #tsireya smut #tsireya fanfiction #tsireya #lo'ak #loak x reader #loak smut #loak sully #loak #atwow loak #awow smut

226 notes · View notes

ambersgems · 1 year

Text

Bonded - Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Soulmate AU where you can feel your soulmate's emotions. When you meet, usually their name appears on your wrist.

A/N: This is my first written piece on here, so any feedback is appreciated/welcomed! It was kind of rushed so not my best work lol. I'm not sure if I want a second part to this or not, so let me know if you'd like to see a continuation. I also would love requests for anything Dean, Chris Evans characters, or Sebastian Stan characters! It can be blurbs, drabbles, or longer! Oh, also I imagine Dean being around 28/29 here while reader is approaching 25.

Word Count: 1.4K

Something was wrong. You knew as soon as your eyes flew open that you weren’t going back to bed anytime soon. Your hand was placed on your chest, heart beating increasingly faster as you laid in the dark. You tried to think back. Were you having a bad dream? No. This must be him. It happened more frequently than you’d like. You’d wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding and palms sweating. Each time you could feel it, the danger. He was in danger. You just knew it.

You wondered what he did for a living that would cause him to land himself in such terrifying situations so often. Was he in the military? Maybe he was an adrenaline junky or a storm chaser? Whatever it was, you found yourself silently praying that he survived whatever was causing his fight or flight response to trigger once again.

Swinging your legs off the side of the bed, your feet hit the cool hardwood floors and cause you to shiver. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stand and get out of bed to wander into the kitchen. You weren’t exactly sure if he felt your emotions too or not. How could you know if you haven't met him yet? There were times like now that you hoped desperately that he could. Maybe, just maybe, he could feel you trying to calm him in whatever capacity that you could. Sometimes that meant making chamomile tea and reading a book to try and lower his stress response or sometimes it meant a hot shower to relax the intense muscles you felt in your body from him.

There were other times, however, that you hoped he really couldn’t feel your emotions the way you could feel his. He seemed to already have enough on his plate, with the intense nights and at times what could only be described as heartache. You didn’t know what he was going through, but you knew you didn’t want to add your baggage to it.

So, when you cried at work the other day, you dried your eyes as quickly as possible, not wanting to burden him if he felt the same heaviness in his chest as you did. It was the same situation at home, though. You tried your hardest not to give into the depths of your lonely despair. After all, most of your friends had already found their soulmate, but yours seemed to be nowhere to be found. There were times that the only way to drown out the hurt was to just stay disconnected. When you weren’t actively trying to calm your mystery man, you tried your best to ignore him.

You didn’t want to get your hopes up. There were plenty of people in this world who never met their soulmate, and they were left to live a life without them. You’d actually witnessed your friend’s first interaction with her soulmate.

When you two were back at college, she was a barista at your local coffee shop, while you were a research assistant for one of your professors. You kept completely different hours, which is why on that particular day, you decided to hang out with her in the coffee shop to spend some more time with her, even if you were just studying at one of the tables. She had been anxious all morning, and you knew it wasn’t her emotions that she was feeling. She was a naturally confident person, never second guessing herself, but that morning she was a frenzied mess. She even told you herself that it felt like it was her soulmate and not her own emotions.

After she had wiped down the tables for the billionth time that morning, a gangly and somewhat dorky guy came rushing into the shop. You could practically feel the anxiety buzzing from him as soon as he came in, pushing his dark framed glasses up his nose and clumsily slipping on the newly mopped floors. There was a loud smack, and the next thing you knew you watched as your friend reached her hand out to help the guy sit up. What really took your attention was the groaning that came from both parties. You watched them both wince in pain, looking down as they watched each other's names etch into the other’s wrist at the same time. It was like the world clicked into place for them both at that very moment.

It turned out, Luke was a law school student, cramming for a very important exam that morning. His naturally anxious personality was quite the opposite of your friend’s, but they seemed to work together in harmony.

Fast forward and they were still the picture perfect couple. He doted on her more than any man you’d ever seen, and she was head over heels for her nerdy guy. It was sweet, but you hated to admit how hard it was to be around them. You were happy for them both, but it stung to know that you were getting closer to the Age of Choice than you wanted to be. In a mere 8 months you’d be free to make a decision you never wanted to make.

Age 25 meant you were at what was called the “Age of Choice.” You could choose whether or not you wanted to marry your soulmate. If you hadn’t met them by 25, you had the right to choose someone else. You didn’t have to wait any longer to marry someone else, and somehow that hurt worse than not having met your soulmate. What if he had already reached the Age of Choice and he had already decided on someone else? The thought gripped your chest harder than you would like to admit.

All of these thoughts ran through your mind as you made your tea in the kitchen, reliving your friend’s soulmate encounter and your fear for the future. You ran on autopilot as you thought about all of these things, finally making your way to the couch to perform your calm down ritual for your soulmate. It took all of about 90 minutes to feel like you had completely settled his nerves. By the time you had realized he had calmed down, you had fallen asleep on the couch.

This time your eyes flew open for a different reason. The loud blaring of your alarm was unwelcomed by your lack of sleep as you wandered back to your bed to turn it off. It was times like this you were glad you had a studio apartment.

The morning seemed to get away from you. This time it was your turn to be the anxious party. You really couldn’t afford to be late to work this morning. Your boss had scheduled a very important meeting 15 minutes after the workday began and a day filled with projects that need to be completed “ASAP” as your boss would like to say.

As soon as you entered the office, the atmosphere was different than any other day. You could feel it. Everyone seemed to be stiff and uncomfortable. You didn’t understand until two men turned around at the front desk.

“You must be Miss Y/L/N?” the tallest one asks as your brows furrow. You didn’t recognize either of the two men, but you studied them as quickly as you could.

“That’s me. Can I ask who you are?” you questioned, trying to be polite, but not wanting to deal with anything else this morning that you didn’t have to.

“I’m agent Smith and this is agent Jones, we are here to ask you a few questions about your boss,” the shorter of the two answered, reaching out and grabbing your hand.

You hiss and your eyes burn with tears as you look into his green ones, shock filling your body as you yank your hand away from his. Looking down, you see the name “Dean” etching itself into your wrist. Your hands shake as you look up at the tall man, confusion covering your face when you don’t see your name on his wrist.

He groans, hand gripping his chest. He pulls at the buttons, looking down and seeing your name written right over his heart and underneath another strange looking tattoo. Your mouth falls open as your eyes widen, swallowing thickly.

“Well, sweetheart, looks like we’re not only soulmates, we’re bonded. And we need to have a conversation,” you hear ‘Dean’ say gruffly, a smirk dancing on his lips.

Tagged by request:

@imaginedreamwrite

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #spn #spnfandom #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester drabble #requests open #taking requests #chris evans #chris evans characters #sebastian stan #sebastian stan characters #dean winchester x female reader #dean winchester/reader #supernatural

344 notes · View notes

kisstuals · 2 years

Text

the art of love [m.list]

PAIRINGS. dream 00 line x fem reader CONTAINS. fluff, angst, romance, college!au, art school!au & other various aus WARNINGS. cursing, alcohol consumption, suggestive content, more to be added INSPO. personal experience, the kdrama nevertheless, for the titles & beatopia by beabadoobee NOTE. check end for extended authors note! while all of these take place in the same universe and are loosely connected, they can be read as standalones! if you’d like to be added to the taglist, send me an ask! and i hope u enjoy what is to come <3

The New School of Arts at Neo University has a top ranking, state-of-the-art program for all aspiring artists. With any distinguished college degree comes sleepless nights, copious amounts of coffee and hours spent working, but students Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun and Haechan find it especially difficult to balance their professional passions with, well, their personal passions. Will they be able to figure out the art of love before they venture out into the real world?

LIKEWISE,

pairing. sculpture major!jeno x sculpture major!reader contains. fluff, romance, angst, college!au, sculptor!au, classmates!au

Despite having had several classes with Lee Jeno, you never realize how much you have in common with him– that is, until you have to spend your entire semester working on a sculpture piece together for the new exhibit at your school’s gallery.

UNDOUBTEDLY,

pairing. photography major!jaemin x neuroscience major!reader contains. fluff, romance, minor angst, childhood best friends to lovers!au, college au

Everyone thought that you and Jaemin would end up together, but something always seemed to get in the way. After years of missed opportunities (and both of you being complete dumbasses), Jaemin realizes how undeniable your presence is in his life, all thanks to his photography final.

NEVERTHELESS,

pairing. theater major!haechan x journalism major!reader x painting major!renjun contains. fluff, romance, angst, college!au, theater!au, enemies to lovers!au or friends to lovers!au

On one hand you have the loud and annoying (yet, unfortunately attractive) Haechan, the lead of the play you are covering for your article. And, on the other hand you have his kind and approachable (yet, emotionally unavailable) best friend, Renjun, who volunteers with the set design crew in his free time. Perhaps… this was much more than you signed up for.

LEELA’S NOTE. hi omg welcome to kisstuals, this is the first thing i am planning on posting here :) honestly i was scared to start with a series because it's a lot of pressure but i am way too excited not to. this is pure escapism for me because i am an art student and i am planning on projecting all my thoughts and desires onto these fics lol. that being said, a lot of this is based on my personal experiences in art school but obviously there are other parts where i have to fill in on my own. i haven’t started writing any of these but please let me know if you’re looking forward to this so i can motivate myself to write! i also have a bonus piece planned already if i can get through these initial ones!!! also some of these are from dream’s pov, others are from reader’s pov, it’s just whatever is convenient for the storyline. but pls pls lmk ur thoughts and keep ur eyes peeled for some teaser content!!! xoxo, leela

373 notes · View notes

rubyreduji · 2 years

Text

french fries and first times — ljh

summary: you’re a call girl and your client is a virgin

tags: smut (minors dni!), some fluff, minor angst, shy virgin!jihoon, sex worker!reader warnings: explicit sex, praise, reader is a power bottom, age gap, lowkey…small dick!jihoon (but not really), oral (m. receiving), soft sex wc: 4.2k an: like all of my other fics i DONT KNOW HOW TO END THIS PROPERLY but i might expand on it more because i kinda love this universe i randomly thought of before going to bed lol anyways idk if this is a taboo topic…but oh well ig

Saturday. 9pm. Pledis Inn Motel. Room 204. Ask the front desk for the key under the name Woozi. Everything will be prepaid.

That’s all the information you know about your next appointment.

You got the call a couple of days ago and you didn’t question it. It was how most of the interactions go when setting up appointments. Sometimes the client will ask you to do specific things for them. Be wearing this. Have this ready. Call me this the whole time. But this one just left the place and the time and that’s good enough for you.

You have your bag of goodies tucked under your arm as you walk into the front office of the motel. The worker has shaggy black hair and looks up at you bored when you approach. If he knows what you’re here for he doesn’t look surprised.

“There should be a key for me here under Woozi. Room 204.”

The man simply just flicks through the pile of keys on the desk and hands you the right one. You thank him before leaving and going up the stairs to the room. It’s a basic mediocre motel room. There’s a dresser, a TV, a night stand, a small table with two chairs, a connecting bathroom, and of course, a bed. It’s been a while since you’ve been in a motel, your clients typically putting you up in penthouses, but you don’t mind, it’s nothing you haven’t done before.

You set your bag down on the bed and start to get ready for the night. You already showered at your own apartment before coming so you start to strip naked to put on your lingerie. You chose a red lace two piece with a garter belt and matching red heels. You throw on a silk robe over it and put your bag down beside the bed.

By the time you’re finished the clock reads 8:52 and you slide onto the bed and pick up your phone to wait until it’s time. After five more minutes there’s a knock on the door and you climb off the bed to go answer it.

When you open the door you come face to face with a small, pale boy with red wavy hair and shaved sides.

“Uh hi, are you Y/N-”

“Are you Woozi? Oh! Sorry, haha, yes I’m Y/N, but I can be whoever you want me to be tonight.” You wink before stepping aside so that Woozi can walk into the room.

You both seem to silently size each other up. He’s shorter than you, especially in your heels, but it’s not the first time you’ve been taller than a client. His face is smooth and young looking and he has an innocent air to him. You can tell by the way he stands that he’s a bit shy and insecure, clueing you in that he’s not one to do something like this. He’s just in black pants and a black t-shirt and even through his clothes you can tell his body is on the more petite side. Most of your clients are older, wealthy men so you’re surprised to have a client so young and innocent looking.

You walk over to the bed and sit on the edge. “Do you mind if I take my heels off? Or is that something you’re into?” You purr, getting into your work persona.

“Oh uh, whatever makes you most comfortable.” Woozi shifts around so he can face you, but he doesn’t meet your eye when answering.

“I’m fine either way darling, this is about what you want.”

“Then you can uh, take them off I guess.”

“Okay.” You reach down to take the heels off, flashing your cleavage at the boy. Out of the corner of your eye you see his head whip around to look at the wall, meaning he definitely saw. You kick your heels off and scoot up the bed more so you can rest your back on the headboard. “So Woozi, what are you looking for tonight?”

“Jihoon. You can call me uh, Jihoon. That’s my real name,” he tells you.

“I see. Well Jihoon, why don’t you come sit by me.” You pat the bed next to you and Jihoon looks to be contemplating the idea before he gently slides his own shoes off and climbs onto the bed. “Tell me, what do you want from me tonight?” You place your hand gently on his thigh and he jumps a bit and you go to remove your hand but he stops you.

“No! You’re, you’re okay.” You only nod and place your hand back. “I’m just looking to uh, have sex? I don’t know…”

“Don’t worry about it baby. How about we just start slow?” Jihoon nods and you smile softly at him.

You bring your free hand up to cup his jaw and make him look at you. When you see he’s not pulling away you lean in to kiss him. He seems a bit taken aback but he doesn’t pull away. You move your lips against his and he tries to do the same. His technique is a bit sloppy, and his teeth keep grazing your lip but you don’t stop him.

His lips are full and press against yours firmly. Almost a little too firmly, but maybe it’s just his kissing style. His nose bumps into yours and you giggle a bit. Jihoon gets scared though and pulls away. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh baby, there’s nothing to be sorry about. You’re doing just fine.” You bring your hand up to bury it into his hair. With the assurance Jihoon seems relaxed again and you pull him back into the kiss. This time he’s a bit more eager and you return the energy.

Jihoon’s hand lands on your waist, pulling you closer. His other hand cups your neck to guide you into the kiss more. The way he kisses you is more tender than any of your other clients. You shift and climb into his lap so you can straddle his legs. Your robe rides up your thighs, revealing your panties, and you gently grind down on Jihoon’s jeans. Jihoon gasps into your mouth and his hips buck up into you. You take this opportunity to stick your tongue into his mouth and you feel him groan around your tongue. His own tongue tangles with yours and you deepen the kiss.

After a couple more minutes of heavy making out you’re starting to feel uncomfortable down below and you want more. It’s difficult for a client to get you this aroused but Jihoon seems different than the others. You reach down between your bodies to untie your robe and let it slip off your shoulders.

With your lingerie exposed Jihoon’s mouth falls open as he stares at you. His fingers twitch slightly and he trails them up your torso, stopping just below your breasts.

“It’s okay baby, you can touch.” You lightly grab his wrists and lift his hands up so they cup your breasts. His hands grab at you experimentally and when you seem receptive to the touch he grabs you more firmly. The attention to your breasts has your pussy leaking more and you grind your hips down again.

“S-shit,” Jihoon mutters. You can feel his cock harden more and you decide that you want him in you. You reach down to palm at his dick and his breath gets shaky as his hips buck up into your hand. “Y-Y/N,” he whines.

“Want you,” you mutter as you move your lips down to his neck. You kiss the warm skin and wish you could leave marks on him, but you’ve found your clients don’t like that much. You’re starting to get impatient and you pull away and go to unbutton his pants but Jihoon flinches away from you.

“No!” He quickly scrambles off the bed and you stare up at him.

“I’m so sorry!” You quickly apologize. That’s a first. You’ve never had a client tell you no before while you’re reaching into their pants.

“No, I’m sorry,” Jihoon mutters. He slumps down onto the bed, head in his hands.

“Hey…we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” you assure him.

“Arrghh, I want to though,” Jihoon tells you, his voice muffled from his hands.

“Hmmm. Well I’m hungry, so I’m going to DoorDash McDonalds. Do you want anything?”

That’s how you and Jihoon end up sitting at the dingy motel table eating french fries and burgers. You’ve loosely tied your robe back on and you pop another fry into your mouth as you stare at Jihoon. You chew thoughtfully as you try to assess him.

“So what’s your deal kid?”

“K-kid?!” He looks offended at the playful title.

You chuckle at this. “You’re what? Eighteen? Nineteen?”

He sticks his nose up. “I’m twenty. About to be twenty-one.”

“See, you’re just a kid,” you say with a smile playing at your lips.

“Well how old are you?”

“You shouldn’t ask a lady her age, you know,” you tease. “But if you’re oh so curious, I’m just recently twenty-five.”

“Four years isn’t nearly enough to call me kid,” Jihoon huffs.

“Whatever you say kid.” Jihoon glares at you but you grin at him, his face too adorable to find him intimidating. “So what do you do for a living? You in college?”

“Uhm yeah, to become a music producer. I’m also a singer-songwriter but I’m focused mostly on producing,” he tells you.

“Oh that’s nice. I can’t sing for shit.”

“What about you?” Jihoon asks.

“What about me?” You laugh a bit.

“Did you go to college?”

“Oh baby, I wouldn’t be doing this if I did,” you say and it seems to remind Jihoon the real reason he’s in the motel room with you. “No, I didn't go to college. I don’t think it would have done me much good anyways. Not too talented in any area.”

“Oh…” Jihoon is staring down at his carton of fries now. He slowly picks one up and eats it.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s…hard, but what else can I do?” You shrug. You’ve accepted your fate a long time ago.

“How long have you been doing this?” Jihoon asks you.

“Oh you don’t want to know that,” you brush him off. He looks at you though and the look in his eye tells you that he actually does. You sigh. “I was your age actually. I was still living in my parents house and could not keep a stable job. Being young, and female, and not having a college education really hurts being able to find a good paying job. Once I hit twenty my parents kicked me out of the house so you know.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jihoon whispers.

“Hey, enough about me. I’m doing okay, I promise. Now why don’t you tell me what’s up with you?”

“I’m uh, nervous,” he admits. He’s back to staring at his fries. “I’ve never- I’m a virgin.”

“Oh.” Out of all of your years of being a sex worker, you’ve never had a client who’s a virgin before. You typically get old sleazy men or young married guys, but never virgins. It makes sense, considering his behaviors, but a part of you just assumed he’s never been with a sex worker before. “We don’t have to do anything. I won’t charge you.”

“No, I want to.” He sounds firm when he speaks, but his body language still reads that he’s unsure. “I’m almost twenty-one, it’s time I finally have sex. Hell, I hadn’t even kissed anyone until tonight!”

“You shouldn’t be pressured to do anything. Who cares what society thinks?”

“No, I want to do this, I know I do. It’s just that…nobody ever wants to with me so-”

“So you paid me to. Ah, Jihoon, you don’t want me to be your first time. I’m just some random call girl. You shouldn’t do something you’re going to regret,” you tell him. “I’m going to refund you, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“N-no! I want to. I promise. I’m tired of waiting.”

“Fine, but I’m still refunding you.”

“No! This is your job, it’s not fair of me to not pay you.”

“Well too bad, because I’m doing it no matter what.”

Jihoon can sense you’re more stubborn than he is and he sighs. “Why?”

“Because I want to,” you shrug. “Because even if you don’t care, I do, and I want your first time to be special. You deserve to sleep with someone who wants to sleep with you, not because you’re paying them. I want to sleep with you Jihoon, and not out of pity, or because you’re paying me, because I want to.” Jihoon blushes at your words and looks away from you. You reach over to grab his chin so he can look at you. “Do you want me?”

Jihoon is nodding quickly, desire filling his eyes. “Yes!”

“Mmm, good boy. Now if you’re ready, let’s get back to what we were at, right?” You wink at him before you stand up and drop your robe. Just like the first time Jihoon can’t help but stare at your figure and you smirk. You saunter back over to the bed and crawl onto it, your ass pointed towards Jihoon as you do.

Jihoon follows and clambers onto the bed a lot less gracefully than you. Once you two are back on top of the covers you grab Jihoon’s chin again and lean over to kiss him. His hands find your body and pull you closer. Your palm comes down to his crotch and you rub at his boner. You pull your mouth away from Jihoon and ignore the way you love how he whimpers when you do.

“Is there anything else you need to tell me before we do this? Because if not I’m going to suck your dick.”

Jihoon flushes at your forwardness and his hips buck up once more. “I’m uh,” he looks away embarrassed, “my dick is…small.”

Your eyebrows shoot up at this but your face relaxes again. “That’s okay baby, size really doesn’t matter. Big dicks hurt too much anyways. Anything else?”

“I’m afraid I’m gonna…cum too fast,” Jihoon tells you in a small voice.

“No shame in that, just means I’m doing something right.” As you two talk your hand still gently rubs at him. Your desire gets the best of you and you brush your thumb over his collarbone. “Can I mark you?”

“Y-yes,” Jihoon says. You smile at this.

“Can I suck you off now?”

“Please,” Jihoon whimpers.

“Just sit back baby, I’ll take care of you.”

Your hands move to swiftly unbutton his jeans. You pull them down his legs and he helps you kick them off all the way. Underneath his pants he has on a pair of checkered boxers and you can see the way his hard-on presses into the fabric.

You palm at him again and a small wet patch starts to form against the article of clothing. You bring your mouth down to his neck and start to suck at the pale skin. Your hand pushes under his shirt and up his torso. His skin is warm and soft under your fingertip. You pull your mouth away from Jihoon’s neck so you can pull his shirt over his head. His body is lithe but there’s still a bit of muscle definition under his skin. His body is smooth and pale all over and you want to mark every inch of him. Your hand grabs at him tighter and your mouth starts to suck a bruise into his sternum.

When you’re pleased with how much Jihoon is withering under you, your fingers dip under the waistband of his boxers. You grab his length and pull it out and you gasp when it’s finally visible.

“Holy shit Jihoon, you are not small.” His dick is average in length, about five inches or so, but his girth is thick. You could kind of tell just from touching him through his clothes but with it in full view you can see just how thick he really is.

“Y-you don’t have to, ahhh shit, lie,” Jihoon says, his speech getting cut off when you grip him tightly.

“I’m not! You’re fucking thick as hell. Fuck this is so hot.” You pump him in your fist and Jihoon’s hips wriggle around. You bend down and stick your tongue out to lick at his slit, his pre-cum coating your tongue.

“Y-Y/N!” Jihoon’s hands bury themselves into your hair.

“Taste good Jihoonie,” you mutter. You kiss up and down his shaft, sucking a bit as you go. Finally after teasing him, you open your mouth up and sink your mouth down onto Jihoon’s dick. You loosen your throat and shove his whole length down your esophagus. Your lips wrap around his base and you start to suck.

Jihoon is moaning above you and his hands shove you down even farther. Your tongue presses against the underside of his shaft and you bob your head the best you can.

“Ah, ah, shit. Ngghh, fuck!” Jihoon shouts and he dumps his load down his load right down your throat. You suck him dry before pulling off, swallowing the rest of his cum after you do. You catch your breath before smiling up at Jihoon.

“How was that?”

“Holy shit Y/N,” Jihoon mutters. “That was so hot.”

You lick your lips. “Thanks. You were super hot too.”

“I wanna touch you,” he blurts out.

“Oh? Well come here then.”

Jihoon scrambles towards you but stops when he’s close. His hands hover close to your body but don’t touch, like he’s not sure what to do yet. You giggle slightly and reach behind you to undo your bra. With your tits out in the open, Jihoon's eyes widen as he stares back at your rosy nipples.

“Oh my god,” you hear Jihoon whisper. Shakily his hands reach up to grope at your boobs. Your supple flesh melds to the shape of his hands as he touches you and you can see his dick already twitching again. Jihoon cups the underside of one of your boobs and brings his mouth down to suck on it.

“Oh~” you moan at the feeling of his hot, wet mouth against your skin. While he sucks at your tit his other hand leaves your breast to reach between your legs. He rubs two fingers against your slit through your panties and you can feel how wet the fabric is when he presses it into you.

“Oh fuck,” he mutters against your breast. “It’s so warm, and wet.”

“Because of you Hoonie,” you say. “Mmm, please touch me more. Need it.”

Jihoon slips two fingers into you and you moan. His hands are sloppy as they move inside of you but just the mere pressure of them pushing against you makes you feel good. He keeps pumping his fingers into you as he sucks on your tits. None of your clients have ever done this before, but you guess Jihoon isn’t a client anymore.

“Need more, need your dick,” you tell. Your pussy is drenched now, your slick running down Jihoon’s hand.

“O-okay,” Jihoon says. You can tell he’s still a bit nervous but wants you just as much as you want him. He pulls away from you and gets off the bed. You see him fumbling around with his pants before he produces a condom from one of his pockets. You move around so you’re laying on the bed properly and you slide your panties off as he rolls the rubber onto his shaft.

“Shit Y/N,” Jihoon says when he looks back at you. Your legs are spread enough that he has a full view of your slick, pink pussy. He crawls on the bed and lines his dick up to your entrance. “I’m not too sure how good at this I’ll be,” he tells you.

“You’re fine, if it’s bad I’ll just take over and ride you,” you say. He flushes pink at this which makes you grin.

Gently, Jihoon pushes into you. Your pussy is willing and wet so he’s able to slide right into you all the way. Jihoon groans at the way your walls suck him in.

“F-fuck. I’m really not gonna last long.”

Slowly he starts to move his hips, sliding his cock in and out of you. His pace is unstable and painfully slow. You shift around in the bed and grab his hips. “You uh, need to go faster. Pick up a steady rhythm, okay?”

“Oh…okay.” After you say that Jihoon’s thrusts hit more on beat. You two stay like that for a while but you start to feel awkward, as Jihoon is more focused on his thrusts than anything else.

“Jihoon.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Can you- uh, just come here.” You pull his body from its hovering position down so you can kiss him. His body relaxes more into yours and he understands what you’re trying to say. He brings one of his hands down to cup your waist and braces himself on his knee so his other hand can grab the nape of your neck.

As your lips clash against his, his hips start to pick up pace. You can tell Jihoon is a novice at this, but you don’t mind at all. You break away from him so you can place your mouth on his bare shoulder. You suck the soft skin into your mouth so you can bite at it. Jihoon lets out small pants as you abuse the plush flesh.

You can tell Jihoon is prolonging his orgasm so he doesn’t embarrass himself. A part of you also thinks he wants you to feel pleasure as well. You two continue your efforts as you run your hands over each other’s skin, trying to stimulate as much of the body as you can.

Jihoon is whimpering into your neck as his hips rut into you. His whole body is nearly resting on yours and his hand is gripped tightly onto your shoulder. His other arm braces himself, his hand entangled with yours. Your free hand is buried tightly in his hair, holding his head in your neck. Your leg is wrapped around his body helping guide his hips. Jihoon’s whimpers go straight to your core and you decide that you never want the sound to end.

As a sex worker you often bring pleasure to people but it’s never been like this before. Your bodies are fully entangled, warm skin pressing against warm skin. Jihoon’s body is littered with purple bruises that you sucked into him, your lips puffy from kissing his body over and over again. It feels intimate.

Ever since you switched from being a street worker to a call girl you’ve had a lot more intimate moments with your clients, even getting to know some of the men who called on your services regularly, but nothing has ever been like this.

It’s different with Jihoon. Everything is different with him.

“Shit Jihoon,” you mutter when his cock hits into you at just the right angle. “Right there, again.” Jihoon complies and you feel yourself getting closer. “Jihoon, need you to touch me.”

“T-touch you?”

“Y-yeah, like this.” You gently remove that hand that’s digging into your shoulder and move it down between your bodies. You straighten out two of his fingers and then press them into your clit. You see the recognition on his face as he feels the bud. He starts to play with it and elation spreads throughout your body.

“Y/N, I’m gonna cum,” Jihoon says hurriedly. “Oh shit.” You feel his hips stutter inside of you and the warmth of his cum through the condom as he dumps his load into the rubber. His hips don’t stop though and his finger keeps working at you until you’re clenching down and arching your back against the bed. You cum on Jihoon’s dick, his name falling from your mouth as he does. When you’re fully blissed out and have come down from the height of your climax, Jihoon pulls out of you. He slumps down on the bed, panting.

“How was that?” You ask breathlessly.

“So good,” Jihoon tells you. “Shit Y/N. God you’re so…wow.” You giggle at this.

“I think that’s the best compliment I’ve ever got.”

“Ugh, this is gross,” Jihoon mutters as he pulls the condom off. He ties it off and throws it into the trash can, still from the bed. You’re surprised he makes the shot. He looks over at you. “Do you uh, need anything? Aftercare and all that, right?”

You giggle again. “I think I’m good for right now. But if you want, you should come closer.” Jihoon obliges and you rest your head on his chest, listening to the way his heart thumps. “Thank you for that.”

“I should be the one thanking you.” His words vibrate his chest and it ripples through your skull as he speaks.

“Maybe, but I’m still thanking you. I haven’t had someone treat me that nice…in a really long time.”

Jihoon tenses a bit under you. “You deserve better Y/N.” His hand comes to cup the back of your neck, holding you close to him, like he’s trying to protect you from all of the harms in your life.

Deep down you know Jihoon is right, you do deserve a better life. Though, as you lay in the boy’s secure arms, you think that if life sent you someone like Jihoon, it couldn’t be too bad.

taglist: @pandorashbox @leejihoonownsmyheart @soonhoonietrash @enhacolor @niktwazny303

join my taglist: here!

#rru.fics #seventeen #svt #woozi #lee jihoon #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfic #woozi smut #woozi fanfic #woozi imagines #woozi scenarios #woozi x reader #svt woozi #kpop fanfic #kpop smut #rru.writes #★ mdni

283 notes · View notes

confessions-official · 1 month

Note

i feel like im so fundamentally different from everyone else. not in a "quirky omg not like other girls!!" way or whatever or in an edgy teenager way, not like there's anything wrong wiht that we all have our phases but. i've been called weird and strange and odd and every synonym of the words above a million times over my entire life and i've tried so hard to be like everyone else. i've tried time and time again and every single time i just come off as more weird or too much or too little or just too something. i just don't think i can anymore, i give up at this rate. but i've tried so many times. at this rate i just come off as intimidating and i think i'm done trying because it's better than coming off as awkward i guess. im kind of stuck in an infinite loop because i can only be around folks ive known for years to actually feel like i can exist without having to be somebody im not. i cant meet new people because im unapproachable, i hate being approached, and i cant approach people. i cant keep conversations going with folks i dont know or make small talk or greet them or whatever. im completely inapplicable to what most people consider a normal conversation. im generally just so outcast from everybody else and i can't figure out why. i try to observe people and i read article after article and try to look at their vocab and body language n whatnot but i just cant do it right. its like im missing one little piece of it and maybe that's it being natural but it's not like i can do that. i can't just "be myself" either, i've tried and it didn't work out for the better. i'm not a particularly bad person either, nobody's ever come to me to talk about anything of the sort like that and if i had hurt them in some way i apologized and quit doing x thing. i try literally so hard. i fight so desperately and yet all i get over and over nowadays is just "youre scary lol" or something of the sort. it's either that or the same old same old of being considered odd n whatnot. i dont know why but i cant fix it. it's not even my fault but its like im just somehow completely wrong or unacceptable or something. i think i give up on trying. i kind of expect im going to end up alone at some point if i lose like the one person im actually comfortable around but if the only way to get people to like me is to desperately attempt to be someone im not for the millionth time im not going to do that. this is frustrating and annoying and exhausting and i just cant deal with the constant repeats anymore. whats the point in trying to meet new people if they all act the same way about me and never tell me why i come across so out of place. this sucks. i dont know what im expected to do anymore

#confession

7 notes · View notes

sockcanvas · 4 months

Text

|◁ 𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙎 𝙋𝙇𝘼𝙔 ▷|

⚘. oneshot [705 words]

⟣ ──┈⇢˚⋆ Pairing : JongGun x Goo

⟣ ──┈⇢˚⋆ c/w : implied romance | angst(?) | chapter 479-480

⟣ ──┈⇢˚⋆ a/n : Feeling cute.. might delete later LOL, legit writing at like 1-5am while i have work in 5 hours but i wanted to finish this lowkey. Not rlly proud of the concept of this story but im tired asf so whatever, i didn’t a lot of final drafting and just went with this on a whim of its rough draft🤮 this feels a bit too skippy and inconsistent. anyways this was (very)loosely inspired writing style by @/cosmichorrour who wrote “愛のある場所; river of light (that brings me to you)” literally please read it if you like satosugu, masterpiece of a fic🙏i think Gun looks cute with his little headphones, i put together a little playlist of what i think he's listening to while carving :]

snippet . ₊˚. “In our next life, press play for me, yeah? So I could find you by song.”

“What are you listening to?”

The cold kissed Gun’s body. Despite the breeze flicking his skin and the chill caressing his body– he idly sat on an abandoned creeky porch rusted with dust and dirt, a fine show of how unkempt it was. Compared to Gun's expensive and lavish taste, this was the complete opposite. The fresh soles of his shoes rested on the debrised floor positioned in the most comfortable way possible. Even distant snow was cleaner than the porch. Next to him, peers a nosy blonde, who tries to inch closer to hear the music droning out of the earphones.

“Something.” A vague and simple reply– most suited to Gun's quiet demeanor, a conversation stopper from how meek his response was. But this didn't stop the continued prodding,

“What song are you playing?” even when the music was turned two thirds the max volume, couldn’t tune him out. Undeterred by the approaching voice, Gun continues to carve deliberate strokes into the wooden piece, his hands moving in amateur unison, one hand holds the piece in a strong grasp and the other chisels curves and divots into the oak. “Don’t ignore me bastard!” The guitar rift dimmed, one speaker muff violently torn from its place on Gun’s left ear.

“What is it, Goo Kim?” Gun doesn't turn his head to look at the man dressed in expensive winter clothing. His patience was being tested enough– yet Goo was already starting to cut the thin thread of tolerance that barely weaved itself to prevent Gun from punching a hole through the loud blonde. “What is so important that you have to come here and disturb me.”

“I just wanted to know what you’re listening to!” A dramatic whine escapes his lips, the fog of his hot breath filters visibility into the frigid air. His hands extend, reaching to shake Gun– unmoved and set in place like a stone amidst a tundra. “Fucker, I know you heard me.” cursed Goo who continued adding strings of name-calling, accompanied with a rough punch to the shoulder.

“This song really sucks.”

“You’re still listening to it.” This time, Goo was pressed against him, shoulder to shoulder like a close embrace— ear jammed closely to Gun’s cheek, the expensive frames of his glasses barely kept a gap between them. Such indirect intimacy, but it wasn’t unusual for Goo to invade his personal space like so.

“I’m not.”

An exhausted sigh of defeat– It was futile to bicker back and forth like children, a pointless verbal skirmish that Goo engaged very often with him. Two things that made Goo bearable: talent and personality. Skill so exceptional that it left permanent scars on Gun– an enigmatic nature that gave an indescribable sense of familiarity to Gun– warm and colorful is that he would say.

“Is your taste in music this bland? How can you enjoy this?” Goo complained once again, yet still inched near Gun’s earphones. Goo seems to be enjoying himself, eyes half lidded and lips pressed into a thin line as if he was silently humming to the foreign lyrics.

“Abandon Charles Choi.” He expected this. The words hung just as cold as the air, “Come with me.” He knew he’d say that. An invitation that interrupted the building tension. A small glass thrusted itself slowly in front of Gun, liquid barely splashing out of the shot but quickly settled. Gun’s eyes fixated below, a distorted reflection stared back, such chilled uncertainty from himself– rejection was inevitable, the silence was enough to answer for him, but he humbles a reply.

They’ll kill each other next time. A promise, bounded by a shared drink.

“Gun.” He called from a short distance. Gun looked up, pausing his carving, porch creaking from the weight of his light movements. “In our next life, press play for me, yeah? So I could find you by song.” A somber request, futile and odd, followed by a closed eye grin. Gun’s hands, momentarily still– twitched at the appeal.

Gun nodded, lighter than the breeze that whispered between them, an unspoken response he could give Goo to his strange departure. As Goo’s figure disappears, his words carved deeper than the wood Gun’s been chiseling at for hours. Maybe in their next life, he could give it to him.

#gun park #goo kim #lookism #lookism fic #kim joongoo #park jonggun #park jonggun x kim joongoo #gun park x goo kim #Spotify

17 notes · View notes

normiematsu · 7 months

Text

text based yuulore. relationship thoughts/her perception of the matsuno family... 🤔 it's not really edited/formatted and i wrote it on my phone but it's taking foreverrrrr to draw this stuff out so enjoy it straight out of my notes app. yippee

oso -> mostly friendly? thinks he's a funny drinking buddy. observes him like a bug. he's kind of an enigma to her since she's rarely seen him by himself so she doesnt know what makes him tick. he gives her shit for being into choro before she realizes she's into him, they bicker a lot abt this and he thinks it's fun to troll her in general lol. he has to be careful not to push too many of her buttons bc if she gets too frustrated she WILL cry and then everyone will attack him

kara -> mutually friendly! generally immune to his eccentricities, but also acts as an agent of chaos and eggs him on when it would be funny to make everyone else die of cringe. has no idea what he's going on about half the time but is a big supporter of him being flashy and weird bc she wishes she could be more openly flashy and weird. he's probably the only bro besides choro who knows the "book cafe" she says she works at is actually a manga cafe (she's too embarrassed to tell ppl this normally but she trusts him to be cool about it)

choro -> ITS COMPLICATED. rivals to lovers. they're into a lot of the same things so before they get to know each other they're constantly in a loop of bumping into each other reaching for the same last piece of merch which flusters the hell out of her. once properly introduced she thinks he's fun to mess with and has a really easy time doing so lol. trolled this guy so hard they accidentally fell in love with each other. she goes to extreme (and poorly hidden) lengths to hide her crush on him for a long time. when they're together she's usually serving as the voice of reason since she has more practical life experience than he does. they are pretty disgusting to witness in love, she's more open about pda than he is but u can feel it oozing off of them. they do almost everything together. ewwww cooties 🤓

ichi -> friendly but one sided mostly. she's nice to him but he's terrified of her because how can someone who looks put together and has a job be into the same shit as choro. he gets freaked the fuck out for a while whenever they have to interact but i think with time they could get along well. she could help him be a domestic party peep or whatever the hell normie stuff he wants to do bc unlike jyushis zany approach she encourages him to just go with the flow of the crowd

jyushi -> she's lowkey scared of him at first because... he's jyushimatsu and jyushi does things the jyushimatsu way. getting glimpses of his more serious side makes her realize his typical self is kind of similar to her approach of meeting her friends where they're at, he's just really out there in terms of trying to make the vibes fun. has considered egging him on like she does w kara but is too scared it would tear apart the fabric of reality

totty -> friendly but there is a little tension in the beginning. she heard about the sutabaa incident secondhand at a mixer and when she realizes this is the guy in question she's dying laughing inside but saves him the embarrassment of letting him know she knows. he picks up on this and doesn't know what to do with that vibe. other than that they get along well bc they're both normie passing lol. doesn't quite get her taste in fashion (too flashy for him) but it's interesting for him to see what she gravitates towards when they go shopping together. not afraid to join him in roasting the other bros when they're on some wack shit either

matsuyo & matsuzou -> girl is trying so hard to be so normie around them!! but they raised 6 neets so they see right through her act lol. they like her regardless and she's always acting super proper around them in the beginning, but being around her s/o's parents is stressful for her 💀 i think later on in yuucho era she would relax more and come over just to cook dinner with matsuyo. they'd both mostly just be thrilled to have a potential daughter in law hanging around in the first place lol

that's all i got for now. smiles

#yuulore #anyway hope this was interesting to read 🤓

8 notes · View notes

spectraling · 1 month

Note

Would you do a shading tutorial? How do you set the light and that wonderful white glow? What brushes are good and what program do you prefer? It would be nice if you could teach us how to do it so nicely 🥺 (btw Have a nice day!)

You too!

And sure! I love talking about art! Gonna put a keep reading on this one, though, it's gonna get a little long:

So, before I do any kind of shading or lighting I build up the illustration to this point, where I've settled on what the base shapes look like and what kind of colors I want to use as a base:

Once I have those local flat colors down, I do a pass of initial light and shadow before I start painting for real. This usually consists of multiple layers layered on top of each other, set to the multiply blending mode (that I totally always name and didn't do so after the fact for educational purposes). What multiply tends to do is darken and blend your colors with whatever color you put on the multiply layer. In this case it makes the color darker with a blueish tint.

Not sure how to explain this process if you've never used an editing software before, but I think it's fairly similar no matter what program you use. I lock the layers to the grouped flats so the shadows and light only appear on the figures and not on the whole canvas.

When painting it's usually a good idea to go from big shapes to small. I tend to flood the object(s) with whatever is my shadow color and then "carve out" the lights using a mask. You can just erase away if you want, but I recommend learning about how masks work because then you can more easily play around with the shapes.

I've noticed that doing it this way creates bigger and more consistent shapes rather than doing it the other way around. It also shortcuts you right into dramatic lighting territory lol, which was the goal here.

After that it's simply a matter of creating more layers with the same multiply setting to deepen shadows wherever it's needed. I also might add something like bounce light, subsurface scattering, ambient or secondary light sources to give some more life to the colors.

Final stage is render and clean-up, where I merge all of the shadow/lighting layers with the flats and lineart to have the entire object on one layer. I was terrified of doing this for the longest time, but it really makes the process so much easier. I always leave a copy of the original setup layers should I need to go back to it.

At this point most of your colors, shadows and lights have been sorted out so you can simply color pick from the source as you paint.

This is also where I add the rim light! Super effective way to make your object pop and add some drama! It's a fairly straight-forward process where you sort of outline the object with what is usually a pretty stark contrasting color. Don't forget that rim lights are *not* outlines, though! It's a light source, so it affects the object just like any other light. It doesn't only hug the outline of the object, but seeps into it at points where the light can reach:

You can play around with different blending modes for lighting, sometimes you get a really cool effect!

Lastly, that faint glow? Just a layer of using a soft airbrush in the same color as the light and paint it on top. Don't lock this layer to the object so that you can have the brush spill out a bit around the edges to create that soft glow effect.

And then you're pretty much done! There's a lot more to it, but I'd say that's a simple breakdown of how I usually approach paintings in the shading/lighting stage.

I don't make things out of thin air, though. One of the most important aspects of painting and drawing is reference! Go look at nature! Look at tons of paintings, drawings, photographs, illustrations and anything else that inspires you. For this particular piece I was very inspired by "The Garden of Hope" by James Gurney.

As for brushes and program it doesn't matter too much honestly, I'd say use whatever you're comfortable with. I still use Photoshop against my better judgement out of habit, but there's a bunch of alternatives out there like Procreate or Clip Studio Paint. You could also use something like Krita if you don't want to pay for it.

In my case I almost exclusively use the hard round brush (and airbrush as needed) that's default in Photoshop because it works fine for the kind of style I tend to go for, but there's....thousands of brushes out there. Just google it, you'll find free packs. Kyle T Webster has a pack that's pretty well-known, and that I also use occasionally. I'd say start with what's in the program of your choice by default, just to get a feel for it. It's easy to become overwhelmed by all the textures and shapes of custom brushes, but it can also be a lot of fun to play with so go ham if you want!

Hope that was somewhat helpful!

#ask #tutorial #asking me to talk about my special interest? you got it

3 notes · View notes

blood-bound · 9 months

Text

fuck it discord rant with no context (feel free to ask for context) about my last session

AAAAAAAAa

ok little context: mark and cassidy driving home from mission where the anarch party they were investigating got raided by camarilla so they have to take the long way home. also, mark juts got a text from sampson that they need to talk. otherwise good luck making sense of this if u havent heard mark rants before.

Mark learned: -Cassidy turned in 1853 california -loves older western movies, NOT spaghetti westerns except once upon a time in th west -loves detective novels; steven king -has larger goals that he doesnt want to say due to mark's sire having a short leash on him lol -guessed mark was about 5 years dead, mark told him it was less than a year. cassidy was pretty surprised lol -cassidy asked marks goals and what he wanted. mark talked abt goals of stability, and knowing whats going on in the city. talked around it but basically said he also wanted someone he felt he could actually talk to T_T This is what inspired lighter covnersation abtmovies and books -cassidy invited him to WATCH A MOVIE W HIM AT THE CINEMA LOVE WINS (NOT A DATE FOR SURE UNLESS?) -

Now its time to talk to sampson on the next night

due to something julius did mark has to shelter some anarchs in the sewers on his territory. he made it clear the SEWERS only. theyve been moving in.

anyway marks goes to the bar. theres some sketchy ppl outside .oh god. anarchs not listening to directions? THATS CRAZY. Anyway the bar is closed early. it has blinds. many locks. sampson lets mark in and is like. dude. wtf are these people around. ive been seeing htem around and we figured out they were vampires and you said htis place would be safe?? i cant keep doing this???

he's like i know its not all always your fault or things happen in spite of you but what am i supposed to do? i cant live like this again? what am i supposed to do?? And marks just like look anarchs have been moving in city wide ill deal with this and . sampson presses and hes like deal with them how. and marks like IDK kick them out? kill th- and sampsons like YES KILL THEM you killed that one random person cant you kill kindred on your territory?

like OOF that 1 ONE murder lives in his head dsakjfsfdkjds

he's crying, also, ends up saying 'after all this i dont want to talk to you again, i know you bring me stuff to keep me alive' and then be breaks down MORE like REALLY sobbing

so mark gives him a little time to compose himself. then gets all cold and is basically like. so be it. ill still have to see you monthly, but we can try to limit it. but then sampsons like. "I dont know. I just. dont know what to do. i cant sleep with these guys out there all the time" and mark is like "do you want me to deal with them right now?" and smaspons like "yes" so. mark leaves to deal with them!

he grabs piece of shit tony who is supposed to be helping manage this territory. tony says the guys claimed he invited him there, so mark has to explain how they are allowed in the sewers but no where else. and that he wants the three in front of the plaza dealt with Tonight. they work out a deal. tony drives around collecting ghouls and plays this song.

the ghouls are wearing ski masks and have various weapons. he assigns them an order. and turns up the music and they start FUCKING those guys up. first guy modified his glock to be semi automatic? one gets downed immedaitely. 3 other ghouls approach with melee weapons. one gets killed sadly but all the kindred who were loitering by the bar get torpored in short order. Tony is pissed and yells at a corpse about whose gonna pay to replace his ghoul? Ooffff. but yeah mission done. tony says to mark to get out of his car.

He does so. returns to bar. SESSIONEND

SESSION END!

THEY WERE ABOUT TO GET TO TALK! im sure they are shook by the Incredible Violence outside but whatever

DSLKFJDSLFSD

#Spotify

10 notes · View notes

freeuselandonorris · 5 months

Note

21, 23 and 30 for the fic asks.

'a universe' for 21, if you feel comfortable. If not, 'you can find it if you'. Or both lol

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in [insert fic], what would it be?

oh man. well, for 'universe' it would be an actual planned ending lol, rather than just calling it done at a certain point because it was too tangled up with irl stuff going on at the time. it's actually too long ago for me to remember whether i had specific plans for the ending, but i know i wanted jev to have more closure over his past and to work more into him feeling freed from his past demons.

for you can find it if you, it would involve switching POV entirely but i would LOVE to have written about james going off to find the ropes to do an impromptu shibari demonstration and just having a moment of being like...what the fuck is going on. i'm so obsessed with those moments of clarity you get sometimes in life when your silly little gremlin brain is just taking you in a direction and you're helpless at the steering wheel like "oh fuck guess this is happening now" and then just for a moment your rational brain cuts in and goes WAIT WHAT and then you're off again. i definitely think james would have had one of those moments where he recognised that he was heading down a very particular path and there would have been a few fleeting seconds where he could have chosen to stop it all, come back in and tell andré he can't find the ropes or he's changed his mind or he feels sick or whatever. but he doesn't.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

ooooh good question! so much as i bang on about how i'm not really into AUs, there are a couple i would really love to write one day but they require like, actual brainpower and stuff.

the biggest one is the crash AU, with toto playing the part of vaughan. i don't think i will ever write this because the idea of writing about professional racing drivers dying or being injured in car crashes makes me very, very nervous because i am too prone to magical thinking about that kind of thing. but fuck, it would be SO GOOD.

lando camboy AU. i might write this one at some point? again though, i feel slightly nervy about writing it when i don't have lived experience of sex work, but i think that one is probably just me overthinking things.

mmm i'm sure there's more but my brain has gone blank! ballet AU would be fun but i don't have the knowledge required to do it justice, sadly.

and then i would also really love to write a hardcore CNC kidnap kink scene, and find it actually quite mad that i haven't gotten around to it yet because it's such a cast-iron irl kink for me and it lends itself so well to the fantasy element of fic.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

the toto/christian hideousness all the blood runs hot before it's cold was pretty far out of my comfort zone (which is why you had to nag me so much to actually finish it lmao) because it was the first time i'd leaned so heavily into the psychosexual side of things, writing characters who are heavily in denial and enjoy manipulating each other. previously although i'd written a lot of power dynamics, they were always consensual and either based in established and healthy relationships or poorly negotiated but ultimately fulfilling hookups. so writing this felt pretty unnerving and i struggled a lot at times with getting the tone right.

having said that, it's probably the fic i'm proudest of and i think my writing is at its strongest in that piece, so it was a valuable lesson to learn that actually i CAN write in this way!

i think also in the past i had felt an internal pressure to be a sort of positive mouthpiece for kink? like, power dynamics, kink and edgeplay have traditionally had SUCH a bad rap for being unhealthy, abusive, blah blah blah and so i always wanted my fics to demonstrate that actually that's not the case, and it can be incredibly healthy and loving. which is demonstrably and unequivocably true! but it was important for me to give myself permission to write about something that was not that, and to take my own advice that fiction doesn't have to ascribe to some sort of barometer of moral purity to be worthy.

thanks love, these were such interesting questions!

questions for fic writers

#ask meme #fic meta

5 notes · View notes

saraptor · 1 year

Text

I've seen people writing Dottolone with Dottore calling Pantalone by the nickname "Lone" and I was on the fence about it until "Little Lone" popped in my head like "Little Lotte" and the AU that copy and pasted itself in my head. will be written. i'll probably combine a few elements from other fics i've been working on for them but these two have grabbed a piece of my brain and bolted with it, so i can't be held responsible for what happens next.

(Also the way Pierro literally tells them to stop acting like clowns because no one's watching. Pierro's like "you got the whole chat laughing 😐")

Pantalone has basically no character development as of now, but I'm putting down thoughts on him here, some canon some just headcanon:

1, he's a regrator, meaning he's a shitbag (affectionate) and normally i'd want to throw him in a bonfire (loving) BUT he gets a hot pass plus he's meow meow material

2, he started out poor.

3, some of his lore is told through the pale flame artifact set, specifically the time piece. He wants to become the beating heart of mora in Teyvat, seeing it as an equivalent exchange (edward elric says hello) to the gods' absolute authority over mortals' affairs. It's not hard to see why he thinks this. and you can argue that though mora was a catalyst to allow people to trade and relate, it also secured Liyue as no.1 monetary power, which is very convenient for Liyue/Morax. We have no way of knowing what life in Teyvat looked like before the creation of mora, or if the creation of mora was that necessary for human international relations. but honestly i think it'd be unfair to judge the state of the world without mora on those times, seeing as there were god battles and such. buttttttt this is admittedly my opinion, others might have different feelings on this (i could also be remembering this lore incorrectly)

4, Pantalone doesn't have a vision. this desire to be the beating heart of the world stems from being passed over and undervalued. "Why do they get to decide who and what is of value?" <- basically his thoughts on the matter. (i'd say he's probably overvaluing mora here, thinking that controlling the flow of mora will allow him to control everything in teyvat. but that goes to show how much he values mora, and how much mora, and the lack of it, has controlled his life.)

5, I'm assuming he's from Snezhnaya. I know there's a lot of popular fan theories about him being from Liyue due to his close resemblance to Baizhu (which i can totally get behind), but I'm still leaning towards him being from Snezhnaya and the resemblance having a different explanation.

6, I'm going off a personal (very self indulgent) headcanon that Pantalone was already very successful before joining the Harbingers, but has continuously run into bad luck, so he's got a list of former identities he's left behind. The Harbingers had been scouting him out for awhile before approaching him with the offer, around when he burns down his third mansion to hide the evidence within. :)

7, I think the stones on his rings might be amethyst?? I'm not an expert by any means at a quick search they seem to be amethyst. Whatever it is, it appears purple in the lighting of the cathedral, but has a minor color gradient, which could indicate the stones are thinner than they appear (to save cost lol) while giving the appearance of being fuller. Something something gilded age.

8, That stone thing on his lapel, I don't think that's a delusion?? I pretty sure it's just decoration.

(fair warning at this point I've forgotten my initial plan of what i was going to do with this post and now it's just random shit i'm commenting on that pertains to Pantalone)

9, Dottore and Pantalone are foils of each other in the commedia dell'arte, which is like hooooo boy we love ourselves some foils, and though I know for certain that the Genshin Pantalone will differ greatly from the commedia dell'arte counterpart, it might be possible to glean some information on him based on that.

The thing I love about this for my headcanon of Pantalone having multiple identities is the way it ties into Dottore's multiple segments. So far we've met two of them: Comic!torre and the Omega build Dottore, and from these two it's extremely clear that Dottore's segments all have very different personalities. This is because they're created at different times and seemingly develop based on what happens to them afterwards.

Opposed to this, Pantalone has a series of identities and personalities he leaves behind him, but none of them successfully deviate too much from who he is as a person. This isn't a matter of him being bad at acting or disguising himself, but that Pantalone's convictions are so strong he simply can't let go. Dottore's more of a "the world is my playground" kind of guy and Pantalone is more of a "the world will play around me" kind of guy. So even though they're two personalities that SHOULD conflict, I think it's cool that Genshin's gone with the business partners side of the Dottore-Pantalone thing. I hope these two get along like a house on fire.

10, Pantalone is inherently selfish. Arlecchino calls him a coward, and while her words might be able to be partially disregarded as her just being like that, going off the way she immediately throws a jab at Tartaglia as well, I think it might be a bit more honest when thrown at Pantalone. Pantalone is a new character, so any and all dialogue thrown at him and from him should be crucially important. Genshin loves to drop plot points and important information right in our faces with zero context like that.

11, Pantalone not being the most physically powerful person. He also has joint aches/body pains from his past. He gets heart palpitations and vertigo. Dottore keeps promising to "fix" these issues, but Pantalone (intelligently) does not trust him.

12, "They say the true currency of Northland Bank is blood and tears..." He totally has a body count at least going in the dozens. Not including deaths caused by Fatui agents and his work for the Harbingers and the Tsaritsa, too. People he personally killed. Probably by assassin. Also maybe some by hand. He probably strangled them with a rope or wire (as opposed to Dottore doing it with his bare hands.)

13, I was thinking about Pantalone's lines, and ended up thinking that maybe I was thinking too deeply about their meaning and not thinking enough about his intention for saying them. He's causing division by calling Pulcinella cruel at La Signora's funeral, sparking some bickering between the other Harbingers. I don't know if causing division is his goal, but I think it's interesting that his words sowed some discord. I might be looking into this too much lol

And that's it for those headcanons/observations/ideas/whatever you want to call this mess.

And a Dottolone extra ramble:

I see them both being extremely codependent. Like they both existed separately just fine before each other, but afterwards it was kind of like a symbiotic parasite taking root in each others' guts and now they're kind of stuck like that. I like to see Pantalone as the clingy one, though. Dottore is possessive, but not necessary clingy. Pantalone will be searching and hunting for evidence that Dottore hasn't gotten bored of him all the time, and Dottore will be manipulating that to monopolize Pantalone's free time to himself.

This behavior is mostly stopped by Dottore being caught up in experiments/Harbinger work a lot, so I imagine Pantalone goes quite a long time before realizing exactly how possessive Dottore is. Meanwhile, Dottore knows Pantalone is used to losing things and people, and rationally knows that Pantalone isn't going to leave, but he's also Dottore so his gremlin brain is probably trying to find ways to stitch their souls together or something idk.

One way or another, Dottore's going to end up experimenting on him at some point. Eventually. Pantalone might not even realize it happened. x,D

Pantalone being referred to as "Lone" is absolutely the best. I've been 100% won over to it while writing this.

#genshin impact #pantalone #il dottore #these two punched my throat and ran with my brain #dottolone #pantalone analysis #like literally i watched the harbinger trailer weeks ago and saw regrator and dottore and was like. hm. they exist #and little did i know a sleeper cell had been planted in my brain that would wake up a few days ago #this is just me rambling about pantalone tbh

28 notes · View notes

f-cat · 1 day

Note

Hey, Cat!

What's your favorite thing to work on with your art, and why is it your favorite thing?

Do you have a favorite piece of art that you're especially proud of? Why is it your favorite?

What's the most challenging thing to work on when it comes to your art? Why is it so challenging for you?

What brought on the tickling, and tied up fetishes? To be honest I was very indifferent towards this sort of thing, but I have to say I think your art may have awoken something. Which I never thought would have happened lol. Guess it's good to be open minded. Might be because of how amazing your models look.

Hope the last one isn't too personal. Thanks for taking the time to look at and answer these. I'm a big fan and can't wait to how much you improve upon in the future. I've never interacted with you on your platforms like twitter, but I may start doing it soon. Have a nice day!

Hello Anon!

What's your favorite thing to work on with your art, and why is it your favorite thing?

If I had to be honest, some of my favorite things to work on with art are the faces. More so than the situations or other things I put them in. There's nothing more satisfying to me than finishing up the touches of makeup on a model and previewing it to see that it looks good.

Do you have a favorite piece of art that you're especially proud of? Why is it your favorite?

I can't really say I do. I feel like I'm pretty numb when it comes to my own work, and I am often pretty rough on myself when things don't turn out the way I want. Like if I'm spending 3 or 4 hours working on a face and it's just not coming out good, I quit and do something else. But when things do come together, those pieces are often my favorite for a day or two before I start brainstorming something new.

What's the most challenging thing to work on when it comes to your art? Why is it so challenging for you?

Everything is difficult. Sculpting, drawing on makeup, tattoo lines, expressions, posing; there's nothing easy at all, but it's fun to do. If I had to pick the "most difficult," I'd say it's the decision to approach a character in a distinct style. I have mainly a cartoonish "Overwatch" style versus a "hyper-realistic" comic style (I'd like to think), and it's tough deciding who wants to be in what style.

Thank you! I'm glad you're still discovering yourself too! I discovered tickling when I was pretty young through like your typical cartoons, comic books, fiction, etc. Things where certain characters were "in a ticklish dilemma" and I've always wondered "hmm, I wonder what it's like to be in that position." I discovered more and more and started to enjoy the idea of it growing up, and would sometimes write about it. It's weird to say, but I liked the idea of me being a damsel-in-distress; it felt so vintage. In college, people in the community opened up to me about their interests and fetishes (even feet), and I started foot-modeling. All of that pretty much translated to whatever this chaotic representation of my art is. I just sat down and learned it; first with pre-made models, then decided to try to make my own.

Thanks for asking, feel free to drop by to say hi here/Twitter/DeviantArt!

2 notes · View notes

butterflydm · 2 years

Text

mat and tuon (amol spoilers)

Since I’m about to go into The Book That Introduces Tuon, I kinda wanna set out why I (when first reading the series) could never enjoy Mat & Tuon as a pairing and also set up some things that I’m going to try to look out for to see if maybe I see anything more appealing in it as a romance this time around (and, of course, this is all imo and not me trying to tell other people not to ship them, etc).

And, of course, this reread has transformed other aspects of my feelings about the series, so I will... keep everyone updated as I go and let y’all know if my feelings about this change too, lol.

Though I’m putting this in my reread tag because it applies to how I’m approaching my reread, this does have spoilers all the way through the final book, A Memory of Light. And I’m talking about the Seanchan culture, which is built on slavery, so content warnings for that as well.

The thing is, the actual basic trope set-up of Mat & Tuon is not something that I have any issues with -- there are three main tropes that they use: princess & rogue; hero & villain; enemies-to-lovers. Princess and rogue is a classic tropes, seen in such ships as Leia & Han or Jasmine & Aladdin. She sees the true worth of the man behind whatever mask it is that he’s put up, and he brings adventure and affection into her (romantically lonely) life. Rapunzel and Eugene from the Tangled movie also fits into this general shape. Enemies to lovers is also a classic trope, too many examples to list. Hero & Villain (aka ‘dating Catwoman’) is also a pretty classic trope that can be done well if effort is put into showing why these two people are on opposite sides but still drawn to each other.

It’s just that Jordan did it all in the laziest possible way. Which, in fairness, is common with Jordan’s take on romantic tropes. All three of these tropes require a delicate hand willing to do a slow burn so that the audience believes that the characters genuinely have emotionally reached new places with each other. And Jordan doesn’t... bother doing that. He doesn’t even really make an attempt. Instead, he basically just overrides it all with a fourth trope that is a favorite of his in the books: the fated romance. Because Destiny Says So, he has Mat inexplicably decide to take Tuon with him and inexplicably decide to start courting her, without ever emotionally justifying these decisions for Mat’s character, despite having set him up as someone who wanted to run away from his arranged marriage.

While Tuon does ‘see Mat with new eyes’ at the end of KoD (sort of), from what I remember this doesn’t seem to impact her worldview at all; she just goes placidly along with the way her empire works to the very end of the book series. She doesn’t grow as a person as a result of realizing that someone she misjudged was more than he appeared to be or ever become more than the slaver that we were introduced to in Winter’s Heart, because Jordan never lets Mat genuinely challenge her (from what I remember, people mostly don’t ever challenge Tuon... maybe because if they did, it would be too obvious how paper-thin her arguments are).

And, of course, most of the time, the villain in a hero-villain romance isn’t a slaver. Usually, they’re well, like Catwoman -- sure, she breaks the law but she’s not out there to deliberately hurt innocent people.

Mat’s initial introduction to Tuon is as ‘Tylin’s Toy’, which is to say, essentially as a piece of property that she finds intriguing (she attempts to buy him from Tylin the first time she meets him). She even thinks of him as ‘Toy’ for quite a while (though I don’t recall how long exactly and whether or not he ever gets to be ‘Mat’ before she takes his name away again and replaces it with a new one - and yes, I know she sees the new name as an honor, but I’m pretty sure Tylin also saw making Mat her pretty as an honor - the Tylin-Tuon similarities are also one of the things that make me dislike the relationship).

The fact that she persistently continues to call him ‘Toy’ is honestly something I find genuinely disgusting because she is a slaver, because she does view people as objects. So it can never be a ‘cute’ nickname with ‘sexual tension’ for me because a. the reason she calls him that is because his rapist treated him like a toy; b. she literally tried to buy him the first time they met; c. I believe that he repeatedly asks her to call him by his own name and she refuses.

And my final big thing is that Tuon’s sticking point in A Memory of Light, the issue that she WILL NOT back down from even when a ta’veren is trying his best to work his influence on her, is that she refuses to release any of her enslaved channeling women. She would literally rather let the Dark One take over the world than give up a single one of her new damane. Rand has to agree to let her keep all the women that she and her empire have kidnapped, tortured, and enslaved in the Westlands, before she will agree to help save the world. Nothing matters more to Tuon than keeping her slaves! And this is in the final book! As you can tell, it really bothers me!

This is basically the thing that makes me go 'well, I guess literally the only possible way to improve the Seanchan Empire is to depose or assassinate Tuon, because she's made her position on reform very clear'.

Overall, it is very difficult for me to look at Mat & Tuon as anything except Tuon doing her best to ‘break’ her husband to the leash (which was something Egwene Dreamed about back in book 4; a Seanchan woman leashing Mat) and make him accept his place as her property, while Mat tries to hold onto his sense of personal identity in the face of both Tuon and the Pattern itself trying to turn him into nothing but a tool. And I do not personally find any of that either romantic or Romantic. Instead, I find it really heartbreaking for Mat.

Things I will be keeping an eye out for during my reread:

1. Any signs that Tuon is capable of changing her worldview of viewing people as essentially proto-property, with their personhood as a status that can be revoked at any time. From what I remember, she flirts with the idea from time to time, but always comes down on the side of not allowing her worldview to budge an inch.

2. Any signs that she sees Mat as more than property (and sleeping with him does not count for this. Tuon condemning other people for sleeping with ‘their property’ does not mean she is not capable of justifying it for herself; we see her be a hypocrite about the sul’dam issue as well) -- I am uncertain if/when this ever happens for her. We know that she saw him as property when she first met him. Does she ever see him as a person or does she just see him as more useful property?

Things that I’m hoping that I won’t see:

1. Any signs that Mat is starting to share Tuon’s view of people as proto-property. Really hoping that I won’t see this. Honestly, one of the things that I dislike the most about both Mat and Perrin’s romances is how it feels like it damages them as characters (and the same for what the Rand x Min romance does to Min as a character). Their romances actively make them worse people. Perrin’s romance with Faile turns him into an obsessive, petty, frustrating person who shirks his responsibilities (he eventually gets... better-ish? after like ten or twelve books). Mat’s ‘romance’ with Tuon... makes him willing to use slaves, among other things. I do think that he does still tries to remember that they’re people, but he is willing to own and use damane during AMOL, if I remember correctly which...ugh.

Ugh, I have to admit, I am really dreading getting into the ‘How I Fell in Love (?) With a Slaver’ aspect of Mat’s storyline in the upcoming books. Perrin and Faile’s storyline starts out pretty terribly and they have horrible communication issues, but I do believe that they both at least see each other as human beings who are worth being treated as equals, even if they fail on the application sometimes. I do not get that vibe from Tuon and her relationship with Mat.

But of course, all my issues with Mat and Tuon also tie into my feelings that the Seanchan as a whole are narratively unsatisfying. We end up with a lot of build-up for them, and zero payoff. They were introduced in book two (empire-shaking secret included!) and there’s still no payoff by the end of book fourteen. Thirteen books of build-up and then no payoff!

Obviously, they don’t need to solve the Problem of the Seanchan but we could have gotten a Hope Spot of some kind (...and if Tuon being pregnant and ‘jokingly’ telling Mat that this means she can kill him now was supposed to be our Hope Spot, it very much fell flat with me).

We’re told multiple times that the secret of the sul’dam being channeling learners will rock the empire to its foundations but because this story wasn’t about that, because it was supposed to happen in The Next Story, instead it all ends in an unsatisfying whiffle as Tuon basically (and hypocritically) just goes, “nah, I don’t care, I’m gonna keep enslaving the people just like me (while denying that they’re people like me)”. The issue that was supposed to change the empire is dismissed as meaningless. All of the amazing set up that Egeanin’s character gave us goes nowhere in terms of cultural transformation and upheaval, which makes the entire Seanchan presence in the storyline feel pointless.

(the Seanchan ending is also frustrating because it feels like it undermines one of the main messages of the book series, that free will matters and is worth fighting for, so there’s that too; everyone giving slaver empress Tuon a free pass really feels like it undermines Rand’s ‘win’ against the Dark One and his realization about the importance of free will because, as Empress of Seanchan, Tuon is now the main symbol of stripping people of their free will and will be doing basically the Shadow’s work into the Fourth Age, as Seanchan culture already mimics the Shadow so closely in so many ways, as I’ve talked about before as I’ve gone through this reread: breaking people into desperately eager slavery, mindtraps vs a’dam, ‘lessers’ groveling to the Chosen/Blood above them, ravens and moons as their main symbolism)

And that’s essentially the issue with Mat & Tuon as well. Perhaps she was going to have character growth at some point, but if so, it all got punted off to the outriggers that never happened, and so we ended up with a terrible person who is allowed to treat one of the main protagonists poorly and get rewarded for it with his loyalty, who actively turns down every opportunity that she’s given to be a slightly better person, who gets to be one of the few people bodyguarded during the apocalypse, and who gets to dance off into the sunset with a bunch of slaves that she will get to abuse for years into the future.

Also, because Tuon never follows through on any character growth, it ultimately feels like her relationship with Mat was a waste of narrative space that could have gone to something that actually had a point, and a waste of all the (incredibly over the top) suffering that the books put Mat through to get him to a place where it would be even remotely believable that he would stay anywhere near Tuon long enough to ‘fall in love’ with her (ie everything with Tylin and Ebou Dar) or grimly accept his future with her or whatever it really is that happened.

Tuon could have believably made that same bargain with Rand even if she’d never met Mat, because she bends so little on the issue that matters most to her (keeping her slaves) that the Mat/Tuon relationship feels like it could be snipped out entirely and Tuon would have the same emotional ending point that she did with the relationship existing. All you would need is someone to rescue her from Semirhage, and then make the exact same crappy deal due to her ‘gratitude’ over the save. No autonomy-destroying romance required. But as it is, so much of her in-book storyline just feels like a waste of time because it doesn’t go anywhere.

All the way up until AMOL, I could say “okay, she has time to actually have payoff as a character; the relationship has time; the culture has time” and then the story was over and it felt like Tuon basically just jogged in place for five books, except now she’s pregnant.

From what I remember, Winter’s Heart is the best we'll ever get with Tuon, because she starts off as a horrible person but one who has flashes of almost-empathy. She had so much potential to be a great character and have an actual character arc because she is young and had a shitty formative childhood, etc. And then her potential just gets squandered over the remaining books as she actively chooses to stay the worst version of herself and gets rewarded for it by the narrative.

So, yeah. That about sums up my issues. It all feels like so much wasted potential and I’m frustrated by it.

And now I’ll find out if rereading Winter’s Heart and the following books changes my mind on any of this! Maybe I will have a mat x tuon epiphany akin to my cauthor epiphany. You never know.

66 notes · View notes