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starstrike · 3 months

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Mithrun's desire as an SA analogue

TW discussion of SA and detailed breakdown of aesthetics evoking SA. The way I discuss this is vivid in a way that may be triggering, though there is no discussion of actual sexual assault. Just survivor's responses to it.

People relate to Mithrun and see his condition as an analogue for a few different things, like brain injury or depression. And I think all of them are there. But I also see Mithrun's story as an SA analogue, and Ryoko Kui intentionally evokes those aesthetics. I think it's a part of Mithrun's character that a lot of people miss, but I very much consider it text. This is partially inspired by @heird99's post on what makes this scene so disturbing; so check out their post, too :)

So to start off with, the demon invades Mithrun's bed, specifically. There's even a canopy around it, which specifically evokes this idea of personal intrusion; the barrier is being pulled apart without consent or warning. The way the hand reaches towards Mithrun's body from outside of the panel division makes it almost look like the goat stroking over his body. It's an especially creepy visual detail; similarly, the goat's right hand parts into the side of the panel as well. It's literally like it's tearing the page apart; but gently. So gently.

Mithrun is in bed. It is his bed that the demon is intruding on. He's in a position of intimacy. The woman behind him is a facsimile of his "beloved" that he left behind; the woman who, in reality, chose Mithrun's brother. He is in bed with his fantasy lover, who is leaning over him. While this scene isn't explicitly sexual, it is intimate. And it is being invaded. The goat lifts Mithrun gently, who is confused, but not yet struggling.

The erotics of consumption and violence in Ryoko Kui's work(remember that the word 'erotic' can have many different meanings, please) are a... notable part of some of her illustrations. I would say she blurs the lines between all forms of desire: personal, sexual, gustatory and carnal, in her illustrations in order to emphasize the pure desire she wants to work with and evoke to serve her themes. Kui deploys sexual imagery in a lot of places in Dungeon Meshi, and this is one of them.

In this case, horrifically. The goat's assault begins with drooling, licking, and nuzzling. The goat could be enjoying and "playing with" its food. But it can also be interpreted as it "preparing" Mithrun with its tongue as it begins to literally breach Mithrun's body. The goat also invades directly through his clothing; that adds another level of disturbing to me. There's nothing Mithrun can do in this moment of violation. Mithrun is fighting, but he is fighting weakly, trying to grip on and push away when he has no ability or option to. All he can do is beg the goat to stop. And it doesn't care. This all evokes sexual assault.

The sixth panel demonstrates a somewhat sexual position, with Mithrun's thighs spread around the goat's hunched over body. In the next, the goat pulls and holds apart Mithrun's thighs as he nuzzles into him. The way the clothing bunches up looks a bit as if it has been pushed up. It has pinned Mithrun down onto the bed, into Mithrun's soft furs and pillows. It takes a place made to be supernaturally warm and comfortable, and violates it. It's utterly and intimately horrifying. To me, this sequence of positions directly evokes a rape scene. I think Kui did this very explicitly. These references to sexual invasion are part of what makes this scene so disturbing; albeit, to many viewers, subconsciously. It makes my skin crawl.

This is also the moment the goat takes Mithrun's eye. Other than this, the goat seems exceptionally strong, but also... gentle. It holds Mithrun's body tightly, but moves it around slowly. It doesn't need to hurt Mithrun physically. But in that moment, it takes Mithrun's eye. Blood seeps from a wound while an orifice that should not be pierced is penetrated. This moment, the ooze of blood in one place specifically, also evokes rape. That single bit of physical gore is a very powerful bit of imagery to me.

Finally; it is Mithrun's desire that is eaten. After his assault, Mithrun can find no pleasure in things that he once did. He is fully disassociated from his emotions. This is a common response to trauma, especially in the case of SA. It's not uncommon for people to never, or take a long time to, enjoy sex in the same way again; or at all. They might feel like their rapist has robbed them of a desire and pleasure they once had. I think this makes Mithrun's lack of desire a partial analogue for the trauma of sexual assault.

Mithrun's desire for revenge was, supposedly, all that remained. Anger at his assaulter, anger at every being that was like it; though, perhaps not anger. Devotion, in a way. To his cause. I don't know. But the immediate desire to seek revenge is another response to SA. But on to Mithrun's true feelings on the matter.

This is... So incredibly tragic. Mithrun feels used up. Like his best parts have been taken away. Like he's being... tossed aside. This certainly parallels the way assault victims can feel after being left by an abuser. Or the way assault victims feel they might be "ruined" forever for other partners. These are common sentiments for survivors to carry, and need to overcome. In the text, it's almost like Mithrun feels the only being who can desire him is a demon who might "finish devouring" him. That that's his only use. It's worth noting that Mithrun trusted the demon. Mithrun's world was built by the demon, and Mithrun, in that way, was cared for by the demon. I think this reinforces Mithrun's place as a victim.

There's also something to be said about Mithrun as a victim of his own possessive romantic and sexual desire. The mirror shows him his beloved just dining with his brother, and it infuriates him. He doesn't know if the vision is real, nor if she has really chosen his brother as a romantic partner. The goat then creates a whole fantasy world where she loves him. As Mithrun's dungeon deteriorates, she is the only person that continues to exist. Mithrun continues to have control over her. And that is the strongest desire the demon is eating, isn't it? There's something interesting there, but I don't know what to say about it.

In conclusion, I think Mithrun's story is an explicit analogue for sexual assault-- though, certainly, among other things! The way the scene plays out and is composed explicitly references sexual violation and invasion of the body. His condition mirrors common trauma responses to sexual violence. And, at the end, he finally realizes he can recover.

Let's end on a happy Mithrun, after taking the first step on his journey to recovery :) You aren't vegetable scraps Mithrun. But even if you were-- every single thing in this world has value. Even vegetable scraps.

#Mithrun #mithrun dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi #ren rambles #dungeon meshi meta #tag later #I refuse to post at prime time look at my dunmeshi meta boy #tw sa #sa tw #this is literally 1200 words slash 6 pages if I added citations and a proper essay format as well as an introduction to Mithrun's character #and general introduction of the text itself #this could literally be an academic paper #lmao #ren meta #rb this plsss i want ppl to read my essay

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chelscait · 9 months

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not on the same wavelength. | Ona Batlle.

category: ANGST. proper.

summary: one jealous and the other uncommunicative.

word count: 1.9k. these keep getting shorter.

a/n: this was meant to be longer but couldn’t figure out how to carry it on. part 2 may be persuaded.

You were entirely envious of your girlfriend when she got the offer to go back to Barcelona, your home town.

She had been reluctant to tell you in fear of how you'd react, guilty of the fact that she chose her career over you and your feelings.

When you were dropped from the B team and moved to England, you knew you had no real chance to move back there again. The board basically told you you weren't good enough, and they do and will never need you.

You had ranted and cried all day after that meeting to Ona, and that's when she offered for you both to move as far away as possible.

The words made you freeze; you hadn't a clue about how football was run outside of Spain and didn't know a word of any other language. Her idea made you scoff.

"Don't be silly, Ona. That won't work." You shook your head as you continued your pacing, rubbing a hand down your face in the meantime.

"How do you know? It might be good to get a fresh start, you know? Just us two." Ona shrugged as she fiddled with one of your pillows she held in her lap; it was obvious she was struggling too.

"What? You're willing to actually give up on Barcelona.. for me?" Your voice cracked in acknowledgement, coming to a still before you looked at her, playing with the necklace you were wearing, which sported her initials.

"Amor, I'd give up everything for you, and I'd do anything for you. Think about it."

"I don't need to; let's do it. Fuck Barca." You agreed as you climbed onto the bed next to her, enthusiastically pulling her down to lay on top of you, squeezing her as tight as possible.

"You don't mean that." She mumbled into your chest as you practically suffocated her with your embrace, giggling softly when her baby hairs tickled your skin.

"No, I don't.. but fuck the directors."

You spent the rest of that evening researching other clubs and their logistics, as well as shouting out each club name until you found one that was at least suitable whilst still being Barcelona fans.

You had both called your agents the next day, asking for offers from any clubs and telling them you were ready and wanting to leave Levante and Barcelona behind- a fresh start.

When one of the clubs you both agreed to consider popped up in one of the options asking for both of you, you didn't hesitate and signed for the summer transfer of 2020 to Man United.

It was perfect for the both of you- a relatively newly founded club with an ambition to score high- and that was just what you both wanted and needed.

To say you were the star signings was an understatement; you both practically carried the team.

You loved it in England a lot, and you always expressed your feelings around your opinion, but Ona never agreed. Although she did love it there, it wasn't Barca, and it wasn't home.

She was homesick, incredibly, and it made you feel like shit, and it never left.

You both had made good friendships within the team and formed a tight-knit group, which benefited the club's style of play; however, you could see Ona struggle, whereas you did not have that difficulty.

She had never been that outgoing, not like you.

There were many times where Ona was left alone, having difficulties being herself without you there, and she'd watch you do what she so desperately wanted to do but couldn't.

You tried hard to get her to join in, and the halfhearted letdown always made your heart drop. That was one thing you didn't want to happen. To become distant.

For you, it felt like Ona was further away from you than she would have been if she stayed in Barcelona, and it killed you.

You didn't know what to do at all, but she promised that this is what she wanted, and it made you feel bitter that she's making you feel that you are the one that's put her in this predicament; it wasn't.

You woke up many nights in an empty bed. Ona was somewhere in the apartment by herself, and you knew she wouldn't dare leave the space of her own home, if it even was.

You traced her side of the bed through the crinkles of the cold bedsheets before you forcefully closed your eyes and turned over, a single tear slipping past your barrier.

Neither of you fell asleep that night. Ona had crept back to bed, but you could hear she was wide awake, just like you, yet she didn't move or make a noise. She let you both drown in the unknown silence and wait for further communication.

Having kept yourself away from her, you didn't realise or know her state. How much she was bottling her feelings and emotions up, her struggle however made you struggle, and the air kept inside your bottle felt like it would explode any minute.

Grabbing your phone was an indication to Ona that you were conscious that morning. She was lying on her side of the bed, looking up at the ceiling with her knees bent upward, pulling some of the cover off of you as she stared at your side profile.

You didn't say your usual good morning and give her your first kiss of the day; she didn't realise that you knew and that she was hurting you, so she moved to snuggle up to you.

You kept your focus on your phone, though, trying too hard to conceal your emotions. The aura that was irradiating from you left Ona with the battle of actually looking at you or not, and your body stiffened as she snuck her arm around your stomach, making her stick with the latter.

"Are you okay?" She mumbled into your side, playing with the hem of your t-shirt to distract her from what was to come.

"Fine. You?" You curtly answered before sniffling, taking one of your hands off your phone to trace Onas side with your finger tips.

Your slight touch welled tears in Ona's eyes; she didn't want to feel the way she did yet she did, and her feelings will most definitely hurt yours, not knowing whether she'd get another intimate moment again if it all blows up.

She tried to keep the flow at bay, but she struggled, drops falling one by one onto your t-shirt before she sniffled, grabbing your attention.

"Ona.. What is it that you're not telling me? I can see you, all of you. You're not very good at hiding it." You frowned, placing your phone back on your bedside table before playing with her hair gently, caressing her head as she stayed curled up into you.

You could feel her trying to say something; her hard breathing was delaying.

"Lo siento. Lo siento mucho amor. I'm just... it's so hard." She cried and buried herself deeper into you, yourself responding by gently pulling her up closer towards you so her face could be buried in your neck.

"I know, but we're together, right? That's all that matters as of now."

She didn't respond, continuing to sob into your neck, and your hand hesitated its journey down her back before your eyes started to tear up.

"Right?" Your voice cracked as you didn't get your answer, your mind whirling in all different directions.

"I want to go home. I want to go home, Y/N. I can't take this anymore." She sobbed as she sat up, messily brushing all of her wet strands of hair away from her face.

Your heart dropped at her words, the guilt seizing you. You didn't know what to say, and you removed your gaze from hers before fiddling with your hands.

"This is football, Ona. You can't pick and choose; it's brutal, I know, but sometimes.. you have to make sacrifices to get what you want, even if it's hard. Barcelona is not on the agenda right now, and we're not on theirs; they may never need us. You have to understand that, Ona." You tried to convince.

You knew what you were saying were lies, as there were rumours that Barcelona wanted the both of you back for a while now, but you wanted Ona to stay with you, and you didn't want to go or let go.

"It's not just the club and football, though; I miss my life, my family, and my physical home. I miss home." She suffocated in her own tears, looking up at the ceiling to try and lessen the current trailing down her cheeks.

"What about me? Am I not your home? Your life? Like you have told me multiple times before."

"You are, but just a part of it, and I'm sorry.. but it's not enough. I am not satisfied with Manchester; I'm not satisfied like this."

"And you’re not satisfied with our relationship, got it." You whispered with a curt nod, pushing yourself to sit up a bit more and chuck the covers off of you.

"Y/N.."

"You know what, Ona? This was your idea, your fucking idea to do this, and your pinning all of your... whatever! on me." You began shouting after you got up from your bed, shaking your head at Ona's selfishness.

"I'm not.."

"You may not think it, but you are. I have felt like absolute dog shit the whole time we've been here. Especially these last few weeks, and I don't know what to say to you, Ona. I don't know. You're killing me."

"I didn't realise; I'm sorry." She mumbled as she shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, in reach of you. You allowed her to grab your hand before she rested her head on your stomach. Though you made no effort to comfort.

"Ona, I just don't know what to do. I love you. I love you so much, but I don't think I'm good enough to return, mentally and physically." You laid a dead hand on the top of her head as she wrapped her arms around you, awkwardly pulling you in tighter.

"It's okay, but you have to know.. I want to go home, and I want to do this in a way where we'll be okay.."

"Ona, it's not you thinking of leaving that is upsetting me.. I'm not stopping you. It's the fact that you have continuously lied to me this whole time about how you felt. It has almost felt like you haven't trusted me, and you don't trust me. It has really hurt me how I have known what you were feeling without you actually telling me."

"I feel like I'm losing you.." She whispered loud enough for you to hear, a fresh batch of tears finding home to soak in your t-shirt.

"You're not losing me; you'll never lose me. I'm losing you." Your voice cracked before you sniffled, hands trailing to Onas cheeks to pull her face away from you. You looked down at her as she sheepishly looked up while leaning into your touch before you bent down to place your forehead against hers.

"No.."

"I think the best thing we need right now is space. I'm going to go stay with Lucia for a bit; you can stay here." You pulled away, your hands reluctantly falling from her face.

"No, Y/N.. please, this will make it worse." Ona grew panicked as she let out a sob, her hands flailing to find your own again and bring them back to her.

"Please Ona. Just let me go. I'm sorry."

#ona batlle x reader #ona batlle #woso x reader #woso imagines #woso fanfics #woso oneshots #woso one shot #woso imagine #woso #wwc 2023 #espwnt x reader #barcelona femeni x reader

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sanjoongie · 2 months

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𝔚𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔖𝔢𝔞 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔐𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔐𝔢𝔱

@pirateeznet 's Secret Admirer event

🏔For @staytinyville, i hope you enjoy this, i had fun weaving this tale for you 💞 sorry it was late once again

🌊Pairing: Njord! Prince! Jeong Yunho x Skaldi! Princess! Reader (f)

🏔Genre: smut, angst (happy ending), fluff

🌊Au: Norse mythology au, njord and skaldi au, mythology retelling au, royal au, medieval au, historical au

🏔Trope: strangers to lovers, opposites attract

🌊Warnings: mentions of parent's death, mentions of someone falling deathly ill, hand kink HELLO, fingering (f), wall sex, penetrative sex with no barrier, nipple play, big dick! yunho

🏔Word count: 5,178

🌊Beta's:

🏔Summary: upon your father's murder, a council allows you to choose a husband as recompense--based on what his hands look like. Yunho, a prince of the sea, and you, a princess of the mountains, are as opposite as you can get, so can you make the marriage work?

🌊Author's Note: the story of Skaldi, a giantess and goddess of the mountain and her husband, Njord, God of the Sea, intrigued me enough to want to try a re-telling. I changed the feet to hands, in choosing a husband, and who is better to use that than mofo jeong yunho

Once upon a time, when the world was young, a woman experienced a father's death and was repaid with a choice of her husband.

"But you must choose by his hands."

The woman chose hands that were callused, for surely a strong husband would come from those hands.

Instead, she chose the man who couldn't be more than the opposite of her. This is a retelling of their story.

You stared intently at the set of hands in front of you. Each owner of said hands were behind a heavy curtain so that you could not pick your future husband based on his appearance but based solely on his hands.

You were hoping for San, if truth be told. You wanted the happy prince who was also known to throw himself into work with his fellow peasants. You wanted to add his giggles to your empty castle, now with your father gone.

There was one set of hands that continued to draw you back. They were long and lovely but also they had calluses; they had seen hard work. Surely they belonged to San? Without another thought, you pointed to the hands you had been admiring and hoped for the best.

The curtain parted and… instead of San’s pleased smile that he had been chosen, you were met with the wide eyes of Yunho’s. The two of you stared at each other, unable to comprehend that you were to be wed to the prince who lived by the sea, the complete opposite to your mountainous upbringing.

“Wait--!”

"No, princess, this is your choice,” The counselor preceding over your choice proclaimed. “The death of your father is repaid. You have a husband now.”

You and Yunho were ushered into an antechamber to sign the papers and a small ceremony made it official. It was clear everyone wanted you out of here before you demanded even more over the death of your father.

“First, you should live in the domain of your husband,” The priest informed you. “You need to understand who he is before you take him to your home.”

The plan was to spend ten days at Yunho's place by the sea and you were already not looking forward to it. The sea was not your favorite place. And once you arrived, it really just confirmed how you felt.

Except now there was Yunho.

Yunho was a shy prince. He dined with you in the morning, offering options of how you could spend the hours of your day. The walk along the shore was hardly what you would consider romantic. You struggled under the shifting sands, always managing to carry some home with you. The squawking of the seabirds always interrupted your questions towards Yunho in order to learn more about your new husband and his home. You couldn't even appreciate some of the cliffs by the sea, the closest thing to home for you, because of the bashing of the cursed waves against the walls of stone. You were starting to think the gods were playing with you; that they still wanted you to suffer.

“Princess?” Yunho brought you back to reality.

You had picnic-ed in the dunes beside the sea with a sturdy blanket and practically everything weighed down so that the hefty winds didn’t blow away anything you planned on dining on or with.

“Apologies, Yunho, what did you say?” You wondered, sipping the strawberry rhubarb wine.

“There’s a story that they tell of how the first king was found. It was said that he would never become king. The prophecy said that when the fishermen of the area would find a diamond in the sands, then their king would finally be found.”

You scoffed at the fanciful tale. “Sounds like no one wanted a king to be found.”

Yunho laughed. “One would think. But truly, what the purpose of the story is, is that kings can be found but the right king, a good one for the people and for the kingdom, is like a diamond in the sand.”

You thoughtfully ate a tiny sandwich--emphasis on the sand part of the sandwich--and attempted to not wince at the grit in your mouth. “So a good king was found?”

Yunho shrugged, blinking furiously when wind blew hair in front of his face. His hands attempted to push it back and you were momentarily distracted. Those hands had been your downfall. “Oh, we had kings alright, but no one has truly found the diamond in the sand.”

Yunho had yet to touch you with those hands. You hadn't consummated your marriage but you were sure that had more to do with this poorly-worded trial period than anything else. Ten days to learn about your husband and ten days for him to learn of you in your realm. The marriage wasn’t made for two romantic fools, it was a settlement on reparations done to you. The lost of your father still panged in the depths of your heart but Yunho’s ‘love’ hadn't done anything to settle the lose, truly. Perhaps your heart wasn’t truly into it. Perhaps--

Yunho sighed and began to pack up. He was used to you losing yourself in your thoughts. “Back to the castle then? I’m sure your handmaiden could prepare a cool room for you.”

Ah, the disappointment coating your husband’s words. “Yunho, I--”

Yunho shook his head. “Do not worry about it, Princess. You head back. I’ll clean this up.” Yunho held out your parasol with a face that didn’t speak of his disappointment at all.

The two of you spoke the same language but it always seemed like you never understood each other. Yunho was patient and you attempted to show interest in his world but you compared everything; it couldn't be helped.

Yunho’s world was too windy, too warm, too loud, too much. You were used to solitude, you were used to your halls in the mountains. This world Yunho loved so much was too much for you. You often found yourself pulling back to the comfort of your tower that Yunho had declared was yours. He thought the height would help you remind you of home and it did, but in the worst ways. You simply pinned for home that much more.

Before you knew it, the final night in Yunho’s home was upon you. You wanted to go home so badly but you didn’t want to lay it on Yunho. So you smiled politely as he brought you through the town around the castle, a bustling morning market that had you avoiding the touch of the crowd so much that Yunho knew he had failed you once again.

“Princess?” Yunho offered his hand to you. He had one final plan to enact.

You cautiously gave Yunho your hand and he protectively pulled you into an enclave away from the crowds. Yunho’s height allowed him to tower over you. Suddenly you were very, very close to your husband but he didn’t let go of your hand.

Yunho sent a hopeful smile your way and you felt a jolt in your chest. What the hell was that? “If you will allow me one more excursion tonight? I promise, I have one final surprise that I would like to share with you. It is my favorite. I left the best for last.”

You bowed your head. “Of course, husband,” you agreed.

The day dragged by. The food that had been hand chosen by you and Yunho had been cooked for a midday meal and Yunho showed you bright gardens cultivated behind the walls of the castle. You smiled and listened politely but you couldn't help but think of what kind of surprise Yunho had been hiding you all this time. Why not surprise you the first night to impress you? Your husband was still a mystery to you, it seemed.

The sun set and you waited in your rooms for your husband to retrieve you. And you waited. And waited. Then you began to pace. Was this waiting on purpose? Was he looking to vex you? After hours passed, you were about to rip the hinges off your door and storm the castle looking for your husband before he politely knocked on your door. You smoothed your hair back, picking something off the skirt of your dress and let your handmaiden know your husband could enter.

Yunho’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “You will need those hiking boots of yours, Princess, and a change of clothes. This is not a dress excursion.”

Yunho led you to the sea and you were beginning to think that your husband truly didn’t understand you. He was simply taking you to every place in his kingdom and expecting you to love it. You weren’t sure if this was going to work, if at all. You couldn't simply throw away what was given to you. It somehow belittled your father’s death. But could you take a lifetime of this?

With a hand raised with a lantern, and your hand in his other, Yunho led you inside of a cliffside cave. For a while, there was only the soft sound of the water dripping down stalactites and the squeak of the lantern on its handle. Yunho didn’t feel the need to fill the air with conversation and you were stewing in your thoughts, if you were being honest.

But when the tunnel through the cave opened up into a larger room, your jaw couldn't help but fall to the floor. Inside was a pool of calm water that almost perfectly reflected the night sky through an opening in the roof. You could see the moon, the constellations your father had taught you, even some fluffy clouds as they floated across the night’s sky. It was beautiful.

“They say this place used to be the home to mermaids. One of my great grandfather’s married one apparently. This place has been kept sacred ever since.” Yunho’s eyes had been raised to the sky but then he lowered them to yours. “Do you like it?”

You opened your mouth but found that you had no words. At least, you had none of the easy words that had been tearing down Yunho and his home piece by piece. “It’s lovely,” You managed.

Yunho allowed himself to smile hesitantly. “Do you know the story about the god who froze their toe and it became a constellation in the sky?”

You moved towards the pool and sat at the edge of it. You were completely comfortable looking at the sky through the portal of the water. “That one always made me laugh as a child. Now I shudder at freezing a toe and breaking it off.”

Yunho sat beside you, dimming the lantern so you two could see the sky’s reflection clearly. “Ah, I suppose that’s a worry from where you’re from.”

You nodded, pushing some hair out of your face. “Yunho…”

Yunho shook his head. “I know we leave for your home tomorrow.”

Yunho’s soft world was not like yours at all. You worried for him. “I don’t expect to find it beautiful,” You admitted.

Yunho smiled somewhat bittersweetly. “Like you didn’t find mine?”

You sighed. “Your world is too much. Too much sun, too much noise, it’s not what I’m used to.”

Yunho's hand beside yours twitched. His pinky moved but his hand did not. “I tried. I shared with you everything I love. I wanted you to be happy, if that means anything.”

“It’s not your fault, Yunho,” You allowed. “I did pick you, after all.”

“You didn’t want me though,” Yunho said.

“You didn’t want me to pick you!” You retorted with a laugh.

Yunho half-laughed with you. “Well, I didn’t expect you to pick me, that’s for sure.”

You cocked your head. Your hand moved a little closer to his. “You’re the one with the pretty hands that are also callused. It’s your fault really.”

Yunho chuckled. His hand moved until both your pinkies were touching. “I still work the fishing boats every Manadagr morning.” He looked at you through the corner of his eye. “And what do you mean my hands are pretty?”

You winced. You had not meant for that to slip. “You know…” you let the uncertain air hang between you two.

Yunho nudged you with his shoulder. “No, I really don’t.”

You sighed again but picked up one of his hands. You played with his lithe fingers, feeling birds thrash against your ribcage. “They’re hard working hands but they’re pretty. I want…” If only your father could see you now, your courage failing you simply because your heart was betraying you right now.

Yunho grasped both of your hands between his. “You want?” He prompted you.

You swallowed hard, not sure if you had it in yourself to tell your husband you lusted after his hands. “Yunho, I--”

“We haven’t kissed since we became husband and wife,” Yunho blurted out. His eyes widened at his own words and then you watched as redness crept up his ears.

That was the second time you were speechless tonight.

Yunho let go of your hands, dropping them like they were hurting him, and mumbled about going back now.

“Yunho, wait!” You stood up to stop him.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way, but I really like you!” Yunho blurted out again. “I’ve planned all these outings and every time I only seemed to annoy you or let you down. I’ve felt your bad mood darken and develop like a storm in the middle of the sea get worse as it came closer to the coast. I won’t apologize for trying to woo you but I want you to love me!”

It was as if an arrow from Ullr hit your heart. So instead of speaking, since you were failing in that regard, you let your body speak for you. You wrapped your arms around Yunho’s neck, pulled him down and you kissed him. You didn’t kiss him with passion and lust but rather with a need to tell him that he had been enough.

Yunho looked so confused when you released him that you had to giggle. If you had thought his ears were red before, they now appeared as hot as iron in the forge. “Your ears get red when you’re embarrassed, Husband. Do my kisses embarrass you?”

Yunho’s eyes avoided yours but a smile he couldn't fight was pulling at the corners of his lips. “Your kisses do not embarrass me.”

“No?” You teased, leaning to the side to capture his gaze.

Suddenly, Yunho went from an embarrassed man to a dangerous one. His eyes were dark. “No.”

You raised your chin defiantly. “Then prove me wrong.”

Yunho cupped your head between his beautiful hands and then kissed you. His kiss was different. It was soft but it was deep. His tongue sought out yours and you met him halfway. His kiss pulled the lust that was bubbling deep in your womb. You pushed onto your toes again, meeting his kisses with lust of your own and Yunho moaned into your mouth.

His hands steadied your hips and he broke the kiss. With his forehead pressed to yours, he panted against your lips. “Will you let me make you mine?”

“Only if you’ll let me claim you,” You countered.

Yunho’s eyes traveled over your face. You didn’t know what he was looking for but whatever he found there, it seemed to satisfy him. “I didn’t mean to lure you here to seduce you,” He admitted, as if he was half apologizing that your first time together would be in a cave.

“I may be a princess, Husband, but I am no soft woman. I’ve fucked in worse places,” You snickered.

Yunho’s eyes widened before he half smiled at your boldness. “Then let me have you by the sea and the sky and let the gods witness our consummation of our marriage.”

You impulsively grabbed Yunho’s hand and sucked on his middle and index fingers. Your tongue swirled around his long digits and you said huskily. “Show me why I picked these pretty hands, husband.”

Yunho’s now slick fingers reached under your pants and pressed to your clit. You tossed your head back in ecstasy as he easily rubbed you, warming you up from the inside out.

You guided his other hand to grope your breast and you watched in awe as his fingers nimbly pulled at the tie at your chest in order to spill your breast out for him. He neatly tugged and pulled and played with your nipple.

His fingers became bolder as they dipped lower to find your own slick dripping from between your folds. “Wife of mine, why are you so wet?”

You moaned. “You, Yunho, it’s all because of you.”

“Do my fingers give you that much pleasure?” Yunho teased you lightly.

“They look so pretty against my body,” You admitted.

Yunho whirled you around suddenly, your back to his chest. It gave you an easy view of Yunho twirling your nipple in one hand and his other playing with your cunt. You swallowed hard, suddenly very tempted by your own husband’s hands.

“Will you come undone simply from my hands playing with you, princess?” Yunho wondered, his voice husky against the shell of your ear.

Your mind was silent and empty, with only one voice chanting ‘feels so good feels so good feels so good’ over and over. You had a one track mind, and it was coming against Yunho’s fingers. You gyrated your hips into the motions of Yunho’s fingers. Your first orgasm came easy, tempted from the nimble hands that had condemned you to your current fate.

Your hand went behind you, behind Yunho’s neck, for support as you trembled against his chest. “Oh Yunho, oh gods, it’s so goddamn good, Hel’s left tit.”

“I'm not sure if I should be proud of that,” Yunho laughed behind you.

“Oh, you should be proud of that,” You assured him. “I can’t brag of many men that could get me to climax that fast.”

Yunho pulled his fingers from you and you turned your head and watched as he cleaned them diligently. He hummed as if he had a taste of honeyed wine and you pressed your lips together. “Will you take me now?”

With Yunho’s other hand, he cupped your face and ran his thumb against your lips. “I would see your face when I bring you to your next peak,” Yunho informed you.

You nodded and immediately Yunho’s hands went around your waist to hoist you upwards. You had no choice but to wrap your legs around Yunho’s waist as he sought a section of cave wall that wasn’t dripping with water.

Yunho's hands dived into your hair to hold your head in place as he kissed you again. Yunho was hungry for you. His lips went from pink to red as they became swollen from the kissing. His tongue twirled around yours, looking to intertwine with every part of you. He only set you down so that you could strip your pants off and he could push his down to his thighs. You pulled at the rest of your shirt, giving Yunho complete access to your chest.

Your back was pressed up against the wall again, legs around his waist, except now Yunho’s curved, glorious cock was pressed up against you. “Yunho,” You cooed his name.

“I’ll go slow; so slow. I’ll be careful,” Yunho promised.

Yunho's hand tilted your head so that he could place kisses along your neck as he rubbed the underside of his dick against your wetness. His kisses continued along your jaw as his cock slid downwards. You held your breath to wait for him to penetrate you but Yunho simply fucked his cock between your thighs, the top of his cock now getting a good coating.

“What if I don’t want it slow?” You growled.

Yunho laughed, his shoulders shaking under your hands. “I must. You can endure it, surely?” He tilted his head flirtatiously, although it was still a challenge directed to you.

Yunho didn’t wait for you to answer, he brushed the head of his cock against your hole. You cocked your hips to give him easier access and you both moaned loudly as he entered you. Yunho spent equal time watching your face as he watched his cock make its way into you. He slid inch by precious inch with dedication only a man with grace could manage. You wiggled your hips and whined, but Yunho simply cupped your face and pushed a thumb into your mouth to silence.

Yunho braced himself against the wall with his free hand and reached under one of your legs to cock it so that you were spread even wider for him. “Let’s make the motion of the ocean jealous.”

“Gods, Yunho,” You cried out.

His hips worked between your legs that were stuttering at best. Your cunt fought him for every inch he could manage. Yunho was soon sweating and stuttering. “You’re so--gods, so tight! I--” He moaned, biting down on his lower lip. “Your warmth encompasses me so completely.”

“I never imagined being with you would be so consuming,” You whispered to him.

“I have needed you for such a long time,” Yunho told you, kissing you sweetly. “I thought you would never let me touch you.”

“I would never let these hands not touch me, husband,” You informed him.

Yunho paced himself inside of you. He didn’t pound into you until you indicated to him that your climax was approaching. “I’ll not last any longer than you,” Yunho admitted, “I’ll follow your lead.”

With that said, Yunho reached under your other leg and you had nothing to brace against except the wall behind your back. Yunho had complete control of the pace and it was grueling. He fucked you mercilessly, the slapping of skin against skin echoing against the rock walls. With a scream, you came hard, and Yunho was good on his word. He came as soon as your pussy walls fluttered around him. He gasped, high pitched and desperate.

The two of you came down slowly, breaths intersecting each other as you kissed lazily. Yunho’s thrusts came to a stop eventually and he let down one leg, then the other, leaning back to pull his softening cock from your cunt.

You gathered your pants and tied back up your shirt. “Yunho…”

“I’m sorry,” Yunho squeaked.

Your head shot up to look at your husband. His ears were red-hot and his eyes were shaking slightly. “Sorry for what? For giving your wife your seed? For giving her a climax? What’s to apologize for?”

“I--I don’t know what took over me!” Yunho said with wide eyes. “I just knew I had to bring you to your climax and you looked so pretty with your eyebrows furrowed and your mouth parted, I simply wanted to come with you as well, I--” Yunho laughed at himself, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m making a fool of myself, aren’t I?”

“Yunho.” You grabbed his hand between yours and kissed it. “You are fine. Everything is fine. You were wonderful.”

Yunho smiled, then wiped his face blank, then smiled again. “You were wonderful,” he murmured, biting his lower lip again.

“Will you escort me back to my room?” You suggested.

“Will you hold my hand?” Yunho replied.

You both knew the answers to your questions.

Your trip to the mountains was a different one from the sea. You and Yunho huddled inside a carriage for the better part of the day. Which was fine between the two of you. You kissed and giggled and acted like newlyweds, finally. You had Yunho and some heavy fur coverings and you were heading to your childhood home, where you would reside for all of the winter months. You had no worries hanging over your head. You had been too drunk on love to realize that as much as you hated Yunho’s world, the same would be true for him.

That evening, in your grand, empty hall the two of you dined. You were at one end and Yunho in your father’s seat. You were so far apart, neither of you talked much. The servants offering each course and the clatter of utensils against plates were the only sounds in the vast space.

You had a gnawing uncertainty in your gut but it was quickly banished when Yunho came to your bed that night. You rode Yunho in your childhood bed, rocking your hips and making him hold your breasts in place as you coaxed the both of you to an easy climax. You fell asleep in Yunho’s arms and thought everything was right in the world.

Except it wasn’t for Yunho.

It was worse because he always attempted to brush it off. You would watch him smile brightly when you asked him if he was cold, but then he would frown and run his hands up and down his arms. He denied getting lost and insisted he wished to see the sweeping views your castle offered. He told you it was picture perfect but you had a sense he simply wished to go back inside.

Not that inside was any better. You offered him walks along the long corridors lined with your ancestor’s portraits. He yawned as you explained each of their hard-earned exploits at protecting this castle. He glanced cursory over the fine treasures that your family had accumulated during their reign.

Eventually, you two spent less and less time with each other. You began to spend long hours in your father's study, writing letters to your vassals to be sent by carrier pigeon. You weren’t entirely sure what Yunho did with his free time, but you often caught him staring off into the air, like he wasn’t even present.

You watched your glowing prince of the shore fade. It killed you when you made love and could see the tired circles under his eyes. And still Yunho would smile at you and insist that he was alright. Yunho would stop showing up for dinner. When he collapsed on his way to your bedroom one evening, that was the end of the line.

You immediately sent Yunho away. He was bundled up in the same carriage that had brought the two of you to the mountains. Your wise woman traveled with him to inform the doctor’s in Yunho’s land of what ailed the prince. You promised with a soft kiss, careful of how frail Yunho appeared, to follow him as soon as you could.

The first month when you didn’t show up, Yunho sent a letter. He made plenty of excuses on your behalf. He understood you had to rule in your father’s stead and you had been away for a while by meeting with the council and visiting his kingdom. Then when a month turned into two, he asked about your health, which was fine. Then the third month, your husband showed up on your doorstep, banging on your bedroom door.

“Yu-yunho!” You stuttered, shocked to find your husband in your castle, let alone in your kingdom.

“What have I done now?” He raged. “Why have you not come back for me?”

You were taken aback by his questions and his anger. You had never seen this side of Yunho before. Your mouth opened and closed but you found that you could form no words. Your husband was always making you speechless.

“I promise you I’m not a sickly individual. You needn’t worry about our heirs. It was just a lapse. I can do better!” Yunho informed you as he strode into your room.

You quietly closed your door and watched as Yunho paced in your room. His hands moved around as he spoke and you cursed yourself for always being drawn to them.

“Yunho,” You said his name quietly, gathering up his hands. You kissed the back of each hand and looked up at him forlornly. “Living with me made you sick. It was your love for me that made you fade. I don’t want you to die.”

Yunho blinked at you, a cute moment that you had to push away because of the serious discussion. “What?”

“You can’t live here. It’s detrimental to your health. I can’t live with you, it would drive me insane. We simply aren’t meant to be. I think it would be better if we--”

“No.” Yunho shook his head. “No, I will not get a divorce.”

You frowned. “Yunho, we must.”

“No!” Yunho said more forcefully. He gathered you to his chest, with your head against his breast. You could hear the beating of his heart, quick but firm. “I won’t let you.”

You allowed yourself one more moment in your husband's arms and then you pushed him away gently. “It’s not meant to be, Yunho. We’ll only end up miserable with each other. I don’t ever want our love to twist into hatred.”

Yunho’s lips dipped downwards and it looked like he was fighting some tears. “But I love you.”

You felt your throat tighten. “I know you do.”

“Don’t you love me too?” He pressed.

“I do but it’s not enough. My love won’t keep you healthy. My love isn’t a sustenance which you can live on. My love--”

Yunho cupped your cheeks with both hands, your head feeling tiny in his large hands. His thumbs rubbed against your cheeks. When had you started crying? “I can’t take care of you, Yunho. It’s all I want and yet I’m not capable.”

“I don’t care what it takes,” Yunho said. “I will build a castle at the halfway point between our kingdoms. We will make every official travel to us to deal with the problems of both kingdoms. But I cannot remain separated from you. I will die from that, that I can promise you. You don’t want me to die from a broken heart, do you?”

You tipped your head up, to see Yunho’s half smile, part somber and part hopeful. You loved him, you loved him with all your heart, you knew that. But wouldn’t your love kill the both of you? Spirit, body and mind?

Yunho shook his head. “Don’t think with your mind, for once, think with your heart.”

“Yunho--”

Yunho put a finger over your mouth. “Husband,” he quietly corrected you.

You admitted defeat. You knew you would also die from a broken heart if you couldn't spend the rest of your days on Midgard with Yunho, with your husband. You barely survived your father’s death, you couldn't handle another loss.

“I love you, husband of mine,” You whispered.

With a choked sob, Yunho gathered you in his arms once again, hugging you tightly and kissing the crown of your head. The soft kisses turned into hard ones, Yunho desperate for you, hungry for you, since he hadn't been with you for months. You moaned into his mouth and pressed your body even tighter against his.

“Will you let me make you mine?” You echoed the words Yunho had once spoken to you in the sea cave.

“Only if you’ll let me claim you,” Yunho repeated your words back to you.

“Then let me have you by the mountains and the rocks and let the gods witness our love for each other,” You said, solemnly. “You never know, maybe they’ll write our love story into a saga.”

#pirateadmirer #pirateeznet #kvanity #kwritersworldnet #cultofdionysusnet #ateez smut #jeong yunho smut #atz smut #yunho smut #topaz's work #ღatz #ateez scenarios #jeong yunho scenarios

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swimmingismywholelife · 10 months

Text

The Only Reason

Summary: Even though your relationship with Christian has been rocky, neither of you are willing to go down without a fight.

Warnings: 18+, arguments, panic attack, a lot of crying, angst but a fluffy (if you can call it that I guess) ending, SMUT, some dirty talk, soft dom!Chris, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it and make sure you're not allergic to your wrap!), fingering, oral (f receiving), creampie, the smut is sweet tbh

WC: 4.4K

A/N: It's my birthday but this is a present for all of you! Inspired by "The Only Reason" by 5 Seconds of Summer. My first attempt at smut which lowkey I wasn't supposed to add but it fit anyway. This is a step considering I'm openly horny on main now so you might see more in the future 👀. I literally changed it 1274045923845 times but I'm happy with the way it turned out so I hope you guys think it's good-

"Even though my dizzy head is numb

I swear my heart is never giving up.

You're the reason

The only reason."

~~~

The front door slammed shut, indicating Christian was finally home from training. You sighed, praying this would blow over quickly so you could enjoy your dinner.

The past few weeks had been incredibly frustrating for the both of you. Chelsea had been on a losing streak with hardly any goals and Christian hardly got any play time. He was in the middle of trying to negotiate some sort of deal with the club, either to transfer or give him more playing time. Although it wasn't the option he preferred, it was likely he'd be transferred somewhere else soon, and with that contract talks had to be opened. He loved Chelsea, but the club didn't seem to return that love to him. It heavily weighed on Christian's mind, slowly draining him of the love he had for the sport, sending him deeper into a depressive and angry spiral causing him lash out on everyone.

On top of that, your own stresses had started building up. Your workload had tripled due to you being short staffed. Every time you thought you were done with a project, a modification was added or a brand new one was added to your list of things to do. You were working overtime almost every single day and you were close to ripping your hair out.

Between your work and Christian's training, you'd hardly seen each other over the past few months. He'd been extra short with you recently, something that was pretty unusual for Christian. You were typically the one who struggled to keep your anger in check, but these days it seemed your boyfriend could give you a run for your money. Most days you spent sleeping away from each other as opposed to being cuddled in each others arms. During the very brief moments you did end up spending time together, more often than not it resulted in some kind of an argument.

You both agreed earlier that morning that you were in desperate need of some kind of date night to ease your minds and to spend time together. You decided that a simple dinner would be sufficient enough. It was something small, you wouldn't have to go anywhere, and it was always one of your favorite date ideas since you'd gotten together. You were excited to finally spend time with your boyfriend even if it wasn't anything fancy.

But you knew by the way Christian slammed the door that he thought otherwise. He angrily threw his training bag to the side, grumbling to himself.

"Chris, it doesn't do you any good to pace angrily around the house," you sighed. "At least come eat and try to take your mind off things."

It seemed you only made him angrier.

"God, what don't you get?!" he snapped back. "Fucking food isn't gonna help the situation. Our team is shit, this situation is shit, everything is shit!"

You stood up from your place at the table, upset with Christian for yelling at you when you just wanted to help.

"I understand you're frustrated with everything, but don't take it out on me!" you yelled back. "All I'm trying to do is help you. I'm not a fucking emotional punching bag for you to take your shit out on Christian!"

He slammed his hands on the table, the sound echoing throughout the entire house. It startled you. Christian wasn't one to express his anger through violence like this.

"Why do I even keep fucking trying with you?! All you do is nag and nag and nag! You keep 'trying to help' but you're not!" he screamed back. "All you do is get in my face of 'oh Christian do this,' 'oh Christian try and do that.' Get out of my face for once I'm fucking tired of it!"

You were stunned. Your heart with each word Christian spat out at you. You loved him, but you knew you didn't deserve what he'd been giving you for the past few months.

"Fine. I'll 'get out of your face,'" you said calmly.

"Actually you know what? I'll do it myself. Being in here suffocates me," he said venomously, grabbing his keys and storming out the house.

You moved into the bedroom the two of you shared. What once felt like home to you felt like a prison suffocating you the longer you stood in it. And you just fell to your knees and cried.

You couldn't pinpoint the exact moment where it all started going wrong. You and Christian weren't perfect of course, but you just worked. You understood each other like no one else. You'd experienced things together that you'd never had with other people. You hadn't grown up with Christian in the past, but that didn't matter. He was your present and was going to be your future.

But that was then. Somewhere along the way, things changed. Nowadays he barely made time for you. He was gone before you woke up and you were asleep before he came home. Date nights were nonexistent, special occasions stopped being special. You couldn't keep begging for his attention, wondering if this time would be enough to keep it.

You didn't want things to end. That was absolutely the last thing you wanted to do. You loved Christian with everything you had. But you were the only one trying and you both knew that. Somewhere Christian just fell out of love with you while you were desperately trying to grasp onto something. But it was no use. He was gone a long time ago.

Christian was in the middle of figuring out the trajectory of his career, unsure if he was to wait out his contract with Chelsea for the next season or leave for a club that truly appreciated him. And pretty soon, he would be flying back to the States for international break. The last thing you wanted to do was add onto the stress Christian was feeling.

But how long would you have to keep sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of his?

Christian didn't come home that night, nor the night after that, nor the night after that. Not that you really expected him to. He hadn't been home all that much anyway, and even while he was there physically, he wasn't there. So sleeping alone in your bed wasn't that much of a foreign feeling anymore anyway. And the longer he was away, the foggier your mind became. The answer was right there in front of you. This was Christian blatantly telling you how he felt about your relationship. Right?

It wasn't until about a week later that Christian had contacted you, letting you know he'd be coming back that night. You mentally prepared yourself for the worst.

The door opened, causing you to snap out of your thoughts. You could hear the clattering of the keys being placed on the table and footsteps heading up the stairs.

The lights flickered in your bedroom. Your eyes met his, startling him.

"Oh hey, I didn't realize you'd still be up," Christian said surprised, removing his jacket and placing it on a chair.

"We need to talk Christian," you said, trying to prevent your voice from wavering.

"We'll talk in the morning, Y/N. It's kind of late and I don't want another fight right now," he responded.

"I'm serious Christian," you answered, feeling your heart breaking already. "And I don't think this can wait until morning."

"Why do you keep using my full name?" Christian asked uncomfortably. "You only use it like this when something's really wrong."

You didn't answer. Instead you got up from your place on the bed and hugged his waist, completely breaking down. You felt like you couldn't breathe through all the tears and the pain you felt. Your body gave out as you fell to the ground, taking Christian with you.

For a second time that night, Christian was surprised. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, kissing your head.

"Hey, hey, baby what's wrong? What's going on?" he asked.

You couldn't get the words out. You only cried harder as he led you back to your bed. You took in this moment with him, not knowing if this was the last night you would sharing with him. You tried to memorize the scent of his favorite cologne, how perfectly you fit into his arms, the way his kisses felt. You wanted to remember how safe you felt with Christian and how your heart longed for him to come home to you.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay. I'm right here. I won't ever let anything hurt you," he said, trying to soothe you.

Little did he realize he was the reason you were hurting so much.

You held Christian close to you as the weight of your decision started to kick in. You wanted nothing more in this world than to be with Christian. He meant everything to you. You wanted it all with him. You wanted to marry him one day, carry his children, grow old together. You wanted to wear his last name to every game he played, to support him as he reached all his dreams. You could have nothing but Christian and you would be perfectly content.

Your mother had told you growing up that every scenario that came your way had three answers: yes, no, or wait. And you so desperately wanted to believe Christian was your sign that being patient was worth it. That waiting would be worth it. That one day it would bring you the happiness you craved and you deserved.

But how long were you supposed to wait? How long had you waited for him to fulfill his promises? How long had you been patient with him? How long had you stayed loyal every time he'd taken his anger out on you? How long had you been contemplating if you were worth saving? Was this just patience or were you holding onto something that you should've let go of a long time ago?

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier baby," he said, stroking your hair trying to soothe you. "I didn't mean it. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry."

You couldn't get words out. You needed just one last night to call yourself his before you could make your final decision.

"Just hold me please," you sobbed out, gripping his body as hard as you could.

"I'll do whatever you need baby. I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

Christian was scared. He didn't fully understand what was going on or why you were crying the way you were. But he knew something was off and something was wrong. So he just held you as you let out all the emotions you'd been feeling for weeks.

Christian knew it was more serious than he initially thought when you kept crying for over an hour. He didn't realize how absent he'd been from your life until then. How long had you been feeling such emotional turmoil? What else had he missed? Why were you crying this hard for so long?

Truthfully, he was afraid to find out. As shitty of a boyfriend he'd been over the past few weeks, Christian loved you with every fiber of his being. The last thing he wanted to do was lose you, the relationship you'd built up for years together.

But he knew the likelihood of a break up was probably looming in your mind. Was this it? Was this a sign that something was coming to an end? He didn't want to know. He knew you two needed to talk, especially after the way he walked out. But he was afraid of the outcome.

So he just held you close to him, praying this wouldn't be the last time he got to feel you like this. He took in your scent, trying to memorize the way you felt in his arms. He left kisses on your forehead, shoulders, and cheeks, wiping the tears away as he went.

You eventually calmed down, your grip on Christian never loosening.

"Christian I-" you gasped out.

"It's okay baby, take your time. You don't have to rush anything you don't want to," he whispered gently, kissing your forehead again.

"I'm sorry," you said quietly.

"Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about," he said. "If anything, I should be the one who's sorry. I've been such a horrible boyfriend. I shouldn't have said what I said, I shouldn't have done what I did."

"Christian…" you trailed.

"Shh, it's okay baby. It's okay. We don't have to talk about this right now. We can talk about this in the morning. Just let me hold you right now. Everything is going to be okay," he said softly.

"Chris I'm scared," you whispered.

His heart broke a little knowing you were scared of what morning would entail.

"I'm scared too baby. I'm so fucking scared," he admitted. "But we'll talk about this when it comes okay? Just be here with me now. Nothing else is going to hurt you tonight I promise."

The two of you were laying on your side facing each other. Your head was tucked into his chest, tears flowing every so often. Christian never once let go, not even when his arms started going numb. You were afraid to close your eyes, scared that Christian would be gone the moment you opened them.

Your body stopped shaking and you eventually stopped crying during the early morning hours. You were quiet. And if he didn't know you well, Christian would've believed you were asleep.

But he knew better. He knew that you couldn't sleep because neither could he. Just two souls barely hanging on by a thread not knowing how to fix it.

Did you want to fix things? Or were things so far gone there was nothing you could do anymore? Was this still worth it? Was a future still possible? Would love be enough to save this?

You were set on breaking up with him the night before. You were so sure that's what you wanted. But under the moonlight that peaked through your window, you didn't know what to do anymore. Your head was dizzy with thoughts and you couldn't think clearly anymore.

"Christian?" you called out quietly.

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing?"

His body tensed at the question. He was quiet at first, not wanting to say the wrong thing. He knew this was it. His answer would either make or break your relationship.

"I don't know baby," he answered honestly.

You nestled your head further into his chest.

"I don't want to keep doing this. Guessing if you still want us. You're either in or you're out Chris. I don't want to keep playing your games."

Christian had to stop himself from letting out a sob and took a deep breath. You didn't trust him or his words anymore. And realizing that absolutely broke his heart.

"Can you look at me Y/N?" he asked.

You hesitated for a moment before lifting your head. Christian cupped your cheek with his hand, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth. He rested his forehead on yours.

"You don't have to say anything okay? Just hear me out. I know I've been a shitty boyfriend. I know I haven't been there for you. I haven't treated you well. I've lashed out on you when you've done nothing but love and support me. Through all the shit the world's thrown at me this season, you've been everything I need and more. And I haven't appreciated that. And you deserve so much more than what I've been giving you."

Christian stopped for a moment, taking the opportunity to look at you. How could he have hurt you so bad? How could he let everything slip between his fingers?

"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry that you've lost trust in my words. You always tell me that my words, my actions, and my intentions need to line up and they haven't been and I'm so sorry for that. I'm sorry I've broken so many promises. And most of all, I'm sorry that you're hurting and I'm the cause of it when I told you I'd never let anyone hurt you. I failed to see what was right in front of me and I've taken you for granted and I'm so sorry."

A tear fell from your eye, quickly caught by Christian's thumb.

"I don't deserve you. I really don't. You know that and I know that better than anyone."

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead further into yours.

"But please don't give up on us. I know you can't trust my words right now, but I swear to you I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I can't let you go. Not now and not ever. No more games. No more confusion. No more trying to guess where my head and where my heart stand with you. Right here, right now, forever and always I'm with you. My head is with you. My heart is with you. All of me is with you. And I promise I'll prove it every day for as long as I live. So please. Give me one last chance to be with you."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what you wanted anymore. How could you trust him? He was saying all the right words, but did he really mean it? Were they more empty words?

Yes, no, or wait. Just like your mother said. But you'd waited so long that it seemed almost futile. Had you been wasting your time? Or was this what you were meant to do?

And though your head was fighting with itself, dizzy and numb from the constant questions running around, you knew where your heart lied. So you did the only thing you felt could portray how you felt enough to give him and answer.

You lifted your chin and kissed him deeply, wrapping your arms around his neck. His grip on your cheek was firm, bringing you as close as you could physically get. The tears wouldn't stop flowing from either of your faces, but none of that mattered. What mattered was here and now.

Yes, no, or wait. And you finally got your answer.

He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed to breathe. And truthfully, he needed you to breathe.

You pulled back ever so slightly, just enough for you to be able to talk.

"You get one chance at this Chris. Only one," you said breathlessly. "Don't waste it."

His lips were back on yours in response, his teeth tugging on your bottom lip. You let out a soft moan as he pushed you onto your back, settling himself in between your legs. He pulled back keeping his forehead to yours breathing heavily.

"I love you Y/N. I love you so much you don't even know," he said. "I won't waste it. Not ever again."

You grabbed his shirt and pulled him back to your lips, needing to feel him closer. Your hands traveled underneath his shirt, nails scratching his skin lightly as they roamed his chest.

Christian pulled back from you for a moment to rip his shirt off before attaching his lips back to yours, giving you more access to him. You couldn't keep your hands off each other, your legs wrapping around his hips to bring you even closer to him.

"Chris," you whispered. "I need-"

"I know baby," he answered. "I know. Let me take care of you."

You whimpered beneath him as his lips moved to your neck, leaving a trail of marks as he gave you sloppy but gentle kisses. He bit down on the spot just below your ear, causing you to let out a loud moan.

"Does that feel good baby?" he whispered into your ear, sending shivers down your spine that resonated throughout your whole body.

"God yes Chris it feels so good please," you begged beneath him.

His hands grabbed the bottom of your shirt, bringing it over your head and pressing his chest against yours as he kissed your lips gently.

"So fucking beautiful. And all mine," he said to himself.

His lips returned to your neck, this time the trail leading to your breasts. You gasped as you felt his tongue along your nipple, pressing yourself further into his mouth. You only squirmed more as he moved to your other side, your fingers tangled in his hair tugging lightly. He kissed down your torso until he reached the band of your shorts.

"May I?" he asked softly.

You nodded your head frantically.

"Words baby." His fingers hooked into them, toying with the fabric. "You know the drill. I can't give you what you want unless you tell me."

"Yes please," you whined, wiggling your hips in the hopes of getting the clothing off you faster.

"Please what Y/N?"

"Please take them off Chris please. I wanna feel you on my pussy please, please, please."

"Good girl."

He slowly slid your shorts down, taking a little too long for your liking. He kissed down your stomach, loving how you were falling apart beneath him.

His fingers rubbed over the dark spot of your underwear. You gasped, hands grabbing the sheets tightly. He moved his fingers almost in a trance watching as the patch grew darker and larger.

"You're so fucking wet baby. You like it when I touch you like this?" he chuckled.

"Yes I love feeling you play with my pussy!" you moaned, grinding your hips against his fingers.

Christian pulled your underwear to the side. You shivered in anticipation as you felt Christian's breath on your lips.

"Can I taste you?" he asked, running his fingers through your folds.

"God yes! Please let me feel your tongue," you begged, lacing your fingers through his hair to bring him closer.

"As you wish princess."

Your back arched the moment his tongue made contact with you. He licked from the bottom all the way to your clit, lightly sucking on it. You moaned tugging at his curls. The louder you moaned, the faster he went alternating between licking and sucking. Your thighs closed around his head as you pushed him closer to you.

You were so lost in the pleasure that you were surprised when Christian inserted two of his fingers into your folds. You moaned even louder at the intrusion.

"God Christian more please. Please I need more!"

You were begging, but you didn't even know what you were begging for. You just wanted him to keep going.

Christian was enjoying every second of this. He loved watching you fall apart beneath him.

"You need more baby? So greedy. My tongue sucking on your clit and my fingers deep inside your pussy. What else could you want?" he teased, picking up the speed as he fucked you with his fingers.

You couldn't form any proper sentences anymore. Incoherent noises left your mouth as your body started shaking uncontrollably, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

"Damn baby you're shaking. Are you close already? I've barely even done anything," he mused, inserting a third finger and fucking you even faster.

"God I'm so fucking close please let me cum! Please please please I need to cum please Christian please!" you all but screamed.

"Shh, it's okay. You can cum baby. Let it go for me," he said softly.

Your vision went blank as you came, your hands grasping at Christian's curls to anchor you to reality. Your legs shook violently as Christian continued coaxing your climax out of you, only slowing down as your body started spasming with overstimulation.

"Christian I need more," you whined, gasping for air.

"I know baby, I know. I'll take good care of you," he said. "I'm right here okay?"

Christian kissed your lips gently, making your heart flutter. He softly caressed your face admiring how you glowed under the moonlight. You melted under his gaze holding him close to you.

"You okay?" he asked.

You nodded, giving him the go ahead. He moved back just enough to remove his bottoms before taking his place between your legs again. He placed both of his hands gently on your cheeks, resting his forehead against yours. He looked deep into your eyes as his thrusted his hips into yours. You gasped into his mouth as he picked up the speed, grinding slow but deep.

"I love you Christian," you moaned breathlessly.

"I love you Y/N," he responded. "I love you so much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm sorry I made you feel otherwise. And I'll spend the rest of my life proving my worth to you."

The room was quiet except for the skin slapping against each other and the soft gasps you let out. You grabbed Christian's neck, bringing him as close as you possibly could. You needed him in every sense of the word, wanting to feel every inch of his skin on yours. He was yours and you were his. Your bodies intertwined in the same way your souls had all those years ago and that was all you really needed.

"Chris I need-" you were cut off with a particularly deep thrust making you moan, tugging at the curls on the nape of Christian's neck.

"I'm close too baby. Cum with me. Become one with me Y/N."

You had one of the strongest orgasms you'd ever had in your life. Your chest pressed into his as his cum filled you up, clenching your pussy around him. You held each other tightly, afraid to lose one another as space came between you.

The both of you laid there for a moment, basking in the afterglow of being so intimate. You gasped into each others mouths as your heartrates began to slow down ever so slightly.

"God you're so beautiful. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Christian said in awe of you.

You flushed beneath him becoming shy.

"Babe you just came all over my dick. You really shouldn't be that shy," he said cheekily. You scoffed and hit his chest slightly.

"You're actually ridiculous," you said lovingly, pressing your lips to his for a quick kiss.

He pecked you once more before pulling out of you. He got up, grabbing a towel and gently cleaning your body. He left kisses as he went, worshipping your body. Once he was done, he laid on his back bringing your head onto his chest. He kissed the top of your head as you tucked yourself beneath his arm.

"Are we okay Christian?" you asked meekly.

"Yeah baby. We're okay. We're gonna be okay."

Taglist: @pulisicsgirl @chelseagirl98 @thoseboysinblue @neverinadream @lizzypotter14 @masonsrem @masonspulisic @notsoattractivearenti @lovelynikol16 @bracedes @mortirolo @nyctophilic0vitnir

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic angst #christian pulisic smut #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic imagine #christian pulisic fic #swimmingismywholelife

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bloodyodyssey · 15 days

Text

COMM POST IS BACK UP YAYYYY 🎉🎉🎉 This time with up to 8 slots at a time, 3 for busts, 3 for half body, and 2 for full body! Each listing also allows for up to one extra character to be added on at half price!

***If you don't want to commission me that's also fine i'd apreciate just a regular kofi dono or just sharing this around bc my finances are maybe extremely worrying right now. i will also be considering opening a google doc or some other order form to allow payments via cashapp. Anyways heres a general breakdown of the pricing system and my will's/wont's under the cut:

So how do I (you, the buyer) choose what I want?

SO when you open up the request form it should look something like this!

We're using the bust order as our example here. At its base price, $15, it is set for the black and white option. If this is what you would like, then you don't have to worry about the add ons at all and you go straight to submitting your request! Now, if you're choosing add ons, it'll look something like these:

The first would be an example of an order of a flat color bust + an extra character bust with flat coloring as well. The color option adds the extra $10 (to match the listed price on the poster for $25), and the extra character with flat coloring adds half of that $25 to the order (well a little less bc i knocked off the .50 cents) which is why it comes out to $37.

The second would be an example of a black and white bust order with an added black and white bust character. This just adds an extra $7 to the price totaling $22.

What will you (the artist, me Brutus) draw?

If you want me to draw your oc or fanart of your favorite character I GOT U!!!

I'm also comfortable drawing blood and gore though I'll have to keep it on the lighter side (I enjoy blood if it isnt obvious by my url though so depending on what you want we might be able to go a little further with that).

I can do characters with armor as well, however I will require a reference of some sort from you, the client, as I'm frankly not going to attempt armor off the dome. I won't design armor myself either.

Pinups (not full nsfw due to how much of a struggle it is to navigate different site policies) and other suggestive works are also a-ok! a tity does not bother me if that wasn't made clear by my commission card 👍🏽

What will you (the artist, me Brutus) NOT draw?

Im not comfortable trying to draw real people as of right now sorry! I'd hate to mess that up and have somebody clown me for messing up their beloved's features so that is off the table right now but it's subject to change.

I also won't do furry/anthro just because that isn't my forte as I haven't practiced drawing animalistic characters. There r plenty of talented furry artists for you to choose from and I could talk to someone to guide you to a few

(I can do more humanoid fantasy characters however. like mermaids, satyrs, etc)

More extreme gore and body horror is also off the table.

I may love mecha but as it is like armor and a bit more extreme, I'm not drawing it sorry. And also as stated above I'm not drawing armor regardless without a good reference.

Certain fandoms are a no-go for me due to my own comfort. A quick list would be: mogeko games, omori, south park, hetalia, attack on titan, mcyt, hazbin hotel/helluva boss. if you're not sure just ask!

I reserve the right to decline any comission request for any reason. Getting paid is nice but my comfort is nicer yknow.

And that should cover everything! If you still need to ask me anything, my main is @odysseys-blood (since you cant recieve messages on a side blog). Thank you so much for reading and a little extra thank you if you decide to commission me ❤️

#artists on tumblr #black artist #im hoping this isnt too long i tried to keep it brief but i wanted to make sure i made everything clear!#but if you have any questions feel free to shoot me a message!

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darkwolf989 · 7 days

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Fighting For Control (Valentino x Employee Reader, Valentino x Wife Valentino x Daughter)

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING.

Eating Disorders. Eating disorder Treatment. Valentino.

Valentino sat off to the side and gazed at the stage. One by one, his dancers strutted down, swung their hips towards him and gave a smile. Casual dress was required for this particular cat walk. Despite being known as one of the most ruthless bosses of hell, he still needed to make sure his girls were healthy, and taking care of themselves. After all, it was just bad business to have his girls passing out in front of clients. He nodded in approval as each girl walked, seeming pleased until one of his dancers seemed to wobble down the stage.

A frown crossed his face. Reader.

He knew when he hired her she would struggle with adjusting to a more comfortable lifestyle. And now as he took in her two loose braids, oversized sweater and jeans that he noticed last week were falling off her hips, alarm bells were ringing. He waited until the rest of the girls finished and then leaned over to the demon next to him.

“I need reader in my office. Now. The rest of the girls are free to leave. And tell the nurse’s office to be on standby.”

Truth be told, he suspected when he hired her that she suffered from an eating disorder. Most of his girls did at some point in their careers. The majority of them came from a traumatic past, a life of fighting to survive. It was only to be expected that in this new line of work, the removal of that constant stress occasionally manifested in less than ideal ways. As he walked back to his office, he considered how he should handle this situation. In his early days, he would have simply forced her on the scale and if the number that flashed beneath his displeased him, he would have sent her off to the hospital for treatment, with the understanding that she could return only when she demonstrated progress. After all, he had a business to be concerned with, and an image to uphold.

But now he had his own teenage daughter, one who struggled with her own issues surrounding food. Following her through therapy, working with her during family dinner time, and holding her as she cried because the little voice inside her head made her think she wasn’t good enough, would never be thin enough, pretty enough, had changed his entire perspective on both the illness and its treatment. He was thankful his experience in the field helped him catch his little girl before she was in as rough shape as reader clearly was, but his experience with someone he loved certainly made him a bit softer to his workers who were struggling. He took his seat in his chair as he considered his options. Separation of work and home- this wasn’t his daughter, or his wife. This was his employee. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t show compassion to her- concern and care. After all, she was battling a monster he had only glimpses into.

A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts.

“Ah. Come in,” he called. He studied reader as she walked in. Her hair was back in two loose braids, a useless attempt to hide her hair loss. Her jeans were practically falling off her hips with each step she took. Her tee shirt and oversized cardigan were recognizable defense mechanisms- armor she was desperately trying to hide behind. He knew he needed to come from a place of concern, or he would be shut down instantly.

“Take a seat muñeca, ” he said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk.

She did so reluctantly and her eyes averted his gaze. “Did I do something wrong, sir?” Her voice was soft. Frightened.

“No, bebita. You didn’t do anything wrong. But I am concerned about you. Tell me the truth, doll. Is everything okay? Are the other girls treating you alright?” He asked.

“Yes sir, they treat me fine,” she muttered.

He considered how to approach this. Looking at the big picture, she was relatively new to him. She didn’t really know him or his methods. Softness, first, he thought was the best option. “You’ve been with me for how long now…three months?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you live in one of the flats with the other girls, yes?”

She kept her gaze down. “Yes, sir.”

“Are you finding the essentials sufficient? Your room, clothing, food?”

That got a reaction out of her. He watched as she switched to defensive mode at the mere mention of food. His heart sank. Part of him wished his suspicion was inaccurate, but her behavior simply confirmed his fear.

“Yes, sir. Everything is fine. Can I go now?”

“You may not.” He stood up and pulled a scale out from his desk. “I’m noticing a concerning pattern of behavior, cariño. I need you to step on the scale for me, hm?”

The defensiveness overtook her. “No.”

He expected such a reaction. She needed to be reminded who was in control here- it was her best chance at survival. The red chains sprang forward and wrapped around her wrist, bringing her to him.

“I own you. You will do what I say, when I say it. And that includes this. Understood?”

He watched the familiar battle unfold. Unlike his daughter, he had control over this demon. More of the ability to save her from herself. He released the chains and he nudged her to the scale- the one that wouldn’t flash the number on the base, and instead send the data directly to his phone. Another trick he learned with his daughter. Without another option, reader stepped on.

He checked the digits that popped up on his phone. Valentino felt his stomach drop. The number was by far one of the lowest he had seen. Guilt spread through him, anger at himself and this illness. He should have been keeping a closer eye on her. He only hoped the threat of his contract would be enough motivation for her to comply with treatment. Technically speaking, he could keep her alive. But there were parts of an eating disorder he couldn’t control.

“Alright, babydoll. Step off,” he said quietly, sliding a hand under her arm. “And sit for me.”

Terror spread across her features. “What is my weight?”

Valentino looked at her evenly. “Too low for me to comfortably have you on my stage, bebita.”

“But what exactly is my weight?” she begged.

“You need to let me worry about that, sweetheart,” he replied evenly. He knew better than to get combative. After all, he was the one in control here. Not her. And he certainly wouldn’t let her illness work its way in. “Let me be very clear with what will happen next. I’m going to escort you down to the nurses office. From there, you will be hospitalized until that number is in the healthy range.”

Reader crossed her arms. “You can’t do that! I’m an adult!”

“Oh I can. I own you. Or have you forgotten that?” He leaned forward, “And I refused to let one of my most promising dancers starve herself into nothingness.”

“I eat, Valentino. I do! Please, just let me go home,” she begged. “Please! I’m fine! I swear!”

He looked at her softly. “You’re not fine. That much is clear. Come along now. I’m taking you whether you fight me the entire way or not.”

Normally, he would have the nurse meet them with a wheelchair for a number that low, but she was already so frightened. His heart ached for her, for the pain she was going through both physically and mentally. He slipped his hand under her arm and guided her down the hallway. She seemed to shut down in his grasp, a quiet, fragile doll.

“You will do what they say, you will eat what they tell you and you will not fight them, do you understand?” He asked once they were in the nurse's office. He sat her on the bed. “We’re going to get a gown on you. Arms up.”

He carefully pulled back her sweater. She sat stiffly, not actively fighting him but also not helping him in any way. He tugged off her t-shirt and bit back the gasp that threatened in the back of his throat. Emaciated wasn’t a strong enough word.

He kept his touch gentle as he tied back the gown and helped her lay on the bed, but inside, anger bubbled. This disease, this illness was something he couldn’t eliminate, as much as he wanted to. He watched and listened quietly as the doctor as he came over and began to work over her. After a few moments, the doctor turned to Valentino.

“Two thousand calories, through her nose to start,” the doctor said. “And we’ll get her into therapy right away.”

He wanted to tell the doctor to talk to her, not to him. But that illusion that he was in control, not her eating disorder, couldn’t be broken. Valentino turned to her and to his surprise, she looked furious.

“Five hundred. And no feeding tube.” She shot back.

The doctor looked at Valentino and Valentino bit back a sharp word. It wouldn’t help anything for him to be angry.

. “This isn’t a negotiation. What the doctor says, goes. The only choice you have is if you take this willingly or we keep you too sleepy to fight.”

His words seemed cold even to him, and he honestly suspected that that was an empty threat. He doubted her body could handle anything extraneous at this point. But by the expression on her face, she didn’t know that.

“Valentino, no please,” she begged. “I’ll eat more, I promise.”

“Then prove it,” he replied sternly. He laid a gentle hand on her forehead, “I want to see next week's weigh in significantly higher.”

Her tone hardened. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“You do not.”

“Fine.”

Valentino watched as the doctor slid the tube into her, biting back the frustration that was building in his chest. Flashes of his own daughter being threatened with the same treatment raced through his mind.The threat was enough to scare her into his arms, sobbing and making the same promises. He was thankful she had kept her promise, and came home that day, willing to consume what the doctor prescribed. To an extent, of course- but they worked through it together.

Finally, once reader was settled, he watched as she closed her eyes. She had to be exhausted. He hoped she realized now that she was in a safe place, and they were on the same side, but he doubted it. Which was fine with him- he didn’t mind being the enemy for the time being.

“Will she make it?” Valentino asked as they stepped out of the room.

The doctor shrugged. “She should. She’s lucky you are so…attentive to your employees.”

Valentino felt his expression harden, a mask to protect helpself and his reputation. “It’s bad business to not be. I’ll check in on her tomorrow. If she needs anything, let me know and take care of it the best you can in the meantime. I expect updates- this one shows promise on my stage.”

And with that, he turned and walked out. The clock on his watch said five, and he needed to go home. Exhaustion swept over him, feelings of helplessness and the worry that that could have been his daughter. His wife. Both struggled with their own body issues. The desperate feeling of anxiety overwhelmed him. He checked both their vitals on the app he had synched to his phone. The numbers were fine, but just checking wasn’t enough. He needed to see them, needed them in his arms, and needed to make sure with his own eyes that they were safe. He walked from the elevator to the door of his wife’s office. He pushed open the door without a knock and closed it behind him.

She looked up from her computer. He smiled as he took in the sight of her. Pretty blonde hair pulled back into a loose bun. Blue light glasses to prevent headaches. And an outfit that she could dominate the entire world in.

“Hey honey, what’s up?” She asked as she stood up. “Everything okay?”

He pressed his lips to hers and wrapped her in his arms. “Just a long day.” Even to him, the words sounded flat. He pushed her head to his chest and held her against him for a heartbeat. He wasn’t ready to talk, not yet. At the moment, he just needed to hold her.

She gave him a knowing look. “Mhm, sure. Bed tonight?”

Of course she knew. He knew she knew. And she wouldn’t press the issue, not until he was ready. Or until bedtime. Whichever came first.

“Is our baby princessa home or did she stay late at school?” He asked as he slowly released her.

His wife pressed her cheek to his and gave him a nuzzle and a kiss. “She’s in her room last I checked. Why? Did she…”

“No, no. I just want to see my daughter,” he replied quickly. “Go back to work mi amore. So you can come home sooner.”

She looked at him with concern. “You did have a rough day. Let me finish up, I’ll be home in an hour.”

He gave her another kiss before letting her go back to her work, and he made his way upstairs to their own floor of the V tower. Their home they shared with his two best friends. Down her hallway, his daughter's door was closed and he hesitated for a moment but knocked anyway. He needed to see her, for his own sake.

“Baby Princessa? Are you awake?”

“Daddy? Yeah come in, I'm working on my homework.” He heard her reply.

He pushed open the doors of the once pink room. Now everything within reflected her current interests. Blacks. Grays. Reds. Purples. Not too different honestly than her Aunt Velvette’s. It was an adjustment, watching her grow from a little girl to a sullen teen, but he was grateful she had the support, love and anything else she needed.

“Hi bebita,” he walked over and kissed the top of her head. “How was your day?” He expected to be met with sullenness, an implied go away, Dad, I’m busy, that so frequently laced her voice these days.

To his surprise, she turned around and beamed. “It was long Daddy, but look I got an A on my Spanish test thanks to you!” She excitedly handed him the paper, “look! I even got the bonus words right!”

“Ah, pequeño amor, I am so proud of you! You did the work. Not me. But come here, give your papi a hug.”

She stood up and practically ran into his arms and jumped up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her for a moment, feeling her weight in his arms. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. She was okay. She was healthy. They still had plenty of time together to be sure they had stamped her eating issues early on in life.

“Daddy, are you okay?”

The sound of her concerned voice broke him from his thoughts. He gently released her. His daughter was okay, and she would continue to be okay.

“Yes, bebita. Come on, let’s pause your homework. Mom should be home soon, and let’s grab Aunt Velvette and Uncle Vox. We can go out to dinner and celebrate that A. How’s that sound?”

“Deal! Thanks Dad!” She jumped up and wrapped her arms around him again. “Best Papi ever!”

That he wasn’t so sure of, but he accepted the compliment anyway.

At dinner that night, he watched how much she consumed. How she reacted to the arrival of dinner. He searched desperately for hints that her issues were making a headway. To his relief, he saw nothing- no sign that her illness was anywhere close to showing its ugly self.

He laid in bed later that night, the weight of his wife’s head on his chest as he filled her in on the events of the day, his worries, his fears. His concern for both reader and his daughter. It felt good to get it all out, to have his other half to share life with.

“I just, I wish I had acted sooner,” he finished.

“But the doctor says he thinks she’ll be okay?” She asked as she pressed her lips to the center of his chest. “Then that’s what matters.”

“It could have been our daughter,” he said aloud. “I didn’t see any sign of it at dinner tonight, but it could have been her lying in that hospital bed. It could have been her so close to death.”

His wife sat up. “That’s really what’s bothering you, isn’t it? Not just the fact that you’re seeing your own employees- which lets admit, Val, you’ve started to give a damn about, but also seeing your worst fear for your own daughter blossom in front of your eyes.”

He nodded and followed ensuite. “I keep seeing that image of her, she was so thin it was terrifying. If I was even a week later…”

“But you weren't. You got reader into treatment on time, and are doing everything in your power to help her beat her illness. And, my love, our daughter is fine. We are doing everything we can to make sure that she continues to beat this. She’s in weekly therapy sessions, hell we haven’t had a dinner fight in almost two years.” She took his hands in his. “Val, you can’t beat yourself up over this.”

He swung his legs over the side of the bed. He hated this, the lack of control The feeling of helplessness. He wasn’t used to this feeling- Valentino was all about control.

“Babe, where are you going?” His wife asked.

“To check on our daughter.”

He pushed open the door to her bedroom and to his relief, he saw her curled up under her blankets, fast asleep. He stood there for a second, watching the rise and fall of her chest. He looked at his phone for the second time that day. Her vitals were fine. She was fine. Reader would be fine. He felt an arm wrap around his waist and he looked down at his wife.

“She’s as perfect as the day she was born,” his wife said softly. “Come back to bed, Val. She’s okay.”

Valentino allowed himself to exhale and back in his own bed, he laid his head on his wife’s chest and closed his eyes, allowing the sound of her heartbeat to fill his ears. “Mi amore, why do the people in my life not see the beauty that I see in them?”

“Val, I wish I knew the answer,” she replied tiredly as she held him. “But I don’t. But I can tell you that you’ve done enough for today, you did the right thing for reader, and you, my love, need to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning, I promise.” She shifted herself under him and gripped him tighter. “I’ve got you. Now sleep.”

He closed his eyes and allowed sleep to wash over him. His wife was right. Reader would be okay, and his daughter was okay. He would take care of them all with everything he had.

#hazbin fluff #hazbin hotel #valentino x you #the vees x reader #vox x reader #valentino x wife #valentino #valentino x reader #the vees #valentino hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #valentino x female reader

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callofdudes · 6 months

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Keegan P. Russ x Autistic Reader

A/n: Once again, I myself am not autistic, I'm just here to try and spread love to you guys through characters. If any of this is wrong you can feel free to let me know ♥️

Keegan had a small circle. He didn't people a whole lot but mentoring the new kids that somehow ended up under his wing kind of became his thing. Like the unethical uncle whose closer in age to you than your parents kinda thing.

So when he heard you'd be joining the team he knew you were damn good. They hadn't had someone join for a while considering how tight knit that were, under the radar and skilled.

So whoever you were, you were worthy and Keegan could recognize that. Even if he'd test for himself your limits on field.

When you first met him he wasn't exactly what you'd expected. The others looked somewhat presentable and there was... Keegan. 😂😅

You were nervous to impress them and didn't want to fail. You were given the opportunity to work with the ghost team. You didn't want to screw it up.

When you met him, those first few days were extremely anxiety inducing. Shaking his hand and struggling to keep your eyes in one place.

"Eyes on me soldier."

"Sorry sir." You whispered, looking up at him briefly before your eyes darted away somewhere else again.

"Have trouble with eye contact soldier?"

"Yes sir... Sorry."

"That's fine. Just address me respectfully. We'll work on the eye contact."

You nod a little, following after him while Logan and Hesh follow after.

It didn't take too long. He eventually got his hands on your proper file instead of word of mouth and got to reading. This is where he discovered you are autistic.

Ah, so that explained eye contact. He doesn't know a lot about autism. He knows it makes a person neurologically different from others. But that was about it.

He just shrugged and went along with it, figuring he could learn from watching you. Since staying in the background and watching was his thing.

He watched you attempt to socialize with the others. They were all relatively quiet, all except for Hesh and Logan, who were riding the excitement of a new member.

They were a family and happy to welcome you and your skills in.

Over time Keegan got to noticing little things about you. How you flinched and at louder noises and your nose scrunched whenever you accidentally touched something you didn't like.

Especially the masks that they had for you guys to optionally wear. They were scratchy and tight and just didn't feel the best. Immediately turning down the offer to wear it.

Keegan noticed how you are your food, what you would refuse and what you'd eat. Your little organized piles, as well as with your new room.

Huh, autism definitely had its perks. That what he thought at first. One mission where you were forced to wear the mask for clearance purposes changed that.

You were stuck in this tight, itchy thing. It made your face too hot and pulled at your cheeks. You kept tugging it and trying to move it, scrunching up when it rubbed on your skin.

"Keep up kid." Keegan called behind him as he walked further along the old road. Your feet picked back up, silently following while trying to just get over the feeling of the mask.

Everything was going good, the air was quiet, the enemies were still. The ghost team doing what it did best.

Until the stress, the mask, the smell of the air through the fabric, and something inside you all too familiar snapped.

You dropped your gun at your hilt, immediately clawing at the thing desperately. Keegan whipped around, gun aimed until he saw it.

"Kid- kid, easy." He went over, attempting to pull your hands away but tears filled your eyes. "Get it off- get it off! Get it off!" You choked, voice cutting into nothing.

"You need to keep it on, it's fine."

You sobbed, finally pulling the edge, trying to rip it off your face, so Keegan stepped in. Pushing your back against the wall, his knee pressing into you as he gently pulled the mask off, letting you breathe.

Your back against the wall was grounding, breathing in air, rubbing your sweaty face of the afterfeeling. "Easy... Keep your head in the game, kid."

After that Keegan decided to do some more digging. He hadn't seen you looked so panicked.

That's where he learned about your sensitivity to different things and how textured, tastes, smells, touch, all can be affected.

And he felt that protectiveness. He didn't have to, but he went to the main office and got a different mask approved. It was a smoother, almost silk texture. Not too heavy, and it was loose. Next mission he gave it to you.

"Kid, try this." He tossed you the mask and in a last second you caught it, looking at it. "For me?" You looked back up at him.

"Keep your helmet on straight, you should be fine." He grabs his gun, nodding. "Wanna help you do your job right, right?"

You smiled softly. "Right."

From that point on Keegan pretty much adopted you. You were a good fighter, sometimes getting overwhelmed. When you were alone down in the compound with the others in the building, he was there.

"Keegan..."

"Talk to me kid, what do ya need?"

"I don't know what to do..." Your breathing was picking up as you looked at all the corners and empty fields.

Keegan nodded, grabbing the monitor. "Alright, couple feet in front of you, then you'll make a left. Should be two guys at the end of that wall. Take them down."

Keegan walked you through. It became habit to help you through when you needed it or felt unsure and overwhelmed.

And if anyone attempted to bully you or point it out? I pray for their soul, because God is the last thing they'll be talking to after that.

Keegan is pretty protective of you, and overtime You've grown closer to you. You opened up about your life with autism over drinks one evening. Telling him about the good and the bad.

Keegan wasn't the hugest talker, so he listened. Eyes on you, he tipped his drink to his mouth as you talked about autism. And then slowly throughout telling some of your life story you dragged onto topics of your favorite game characters or action figures. Iconic music people you liked or movies. And Keegan listened with interest.

You two talked until the bar closed and Keegan covered the tab, escorting you out the door.

"Keegan." You touched his arm.

He turned before getting in the car, looking at you. "Yeah?"

"Thanks. People usually say I'm annoying... You listened though."

Keegan hummed. "Always listening kid. Always."

You chuckled and rolled your eyes playfully. You got in the car and the two of you headed home.

After a nightmare of the battlefield, you would usually just hide. Your weight blanket under your bed usually worked. Your other squadmates hated you and you first started having nightmares around them.

But this time, breathing heavy, tears in your eyes, you found yourself at Keegan's door.

Keegan grumbled as he unlocked it and looked at you. "Kid... Y'ok?"

You shake your head, trembling. "Can I... Stay with you?"

There was a tense moment. Keegan didn't let many people into his room, or his bed, for any reason on that matter. But something tugged on that heart of his buried somewhere in there.

"Come in. Get comfy as you need."

You nodded gratefully and came over. Keegan let you lay down, smelling the familiar smell of Keegan on the sheets. Seeing his room for the first time. If was dark, there weren't any vibrant colors or patterns so it wasn't as much to look at.

But sometimes that's nice.

Keegan sat in the chair by his desk, looking at you, watching you get all situated in bed.

"Keegan can..." You sniffed. "Can you lay on top of me?"

He frowned. "What for?"

"Just... Please, it's complicated."

Keegan could see in your eyes you weren't pulling his leg so he did. Crawling into bed, making sure you were comfy on your back before slotting himself on top of you, arms wrapped around you a little, head settling.

"This ok?"

You wrapped your arms around him tightly. "Yes, thank you." You whispered. And within 20 minutes you were back asleep. With a warm, known body against yours.

Keegan has got your back. It's something you've slowly come to realize over time. Whether it be helping with food, environment, being a giant human weight blanket, talking you through missions, letting you ramble about anything you'd like.

You found yourself smiling with this family. Getting a chuckle out of him as you rambled on and on about things you wanted so desperately to talk about. Stuff someone was willing to hear.

This was a place that made you feel safe, a person you felt safe with.

Keegan could probably do some more research, and he promises he will find the time for it, but for now, he will learn alongside you as you grow more and more into an even better soldier.

#call of duty #call of duty ghosts #keegan p russ #keegan russ #keegan p russ x reader #keegan p russ x you #keegan p russ x autistic reader #autistic reader #call of duty ghosts headcanons #keegan p russ headcanons #keegan russ headcanons

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padfootagain · 10 months

Text

Pet Names

Hi! Here is a request that was sent my way by @thenerdysimp : ‘And then I had a new idea just now where reader does a “TikTok prank” on Ben where she calls him by his full name. Man’s terrified and she starts to feel bad for scaring him😂’

So, here we go for this adorable idea! I hope you enjoy what I’ve written for it! Also you said ‘full name’, so I’m not just dropping the cute nickname I’m going ‘full name’… the poor man…

I hope you like this cute oneshot! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x reader

Warnings: Some tooth-rotting fluff! Also… the ending turned a sexy even if there is no nsfw stuff, but the flirt is getting out of hand… (don’t know what happened to me with that last sentence but…)

Summary: You find this popular prank on Tik Tok and decide to try it on Ben. But when you call him by his full name instead of your usual adorable pet names, he panics more than anticipating, and it kind of backfires.

Word Count: 1859

Ben Barnes Masterlist – Main Masterlist

You laugh at the video on your phone, and a sting of guilt shoots through your body because… well… it is more than time to get up from the warmth of your bed and actually be productive, but then again…

You decide that one more short video will not kill you, so you stay on Tik Tok for one more.

It’s the same trend again that’s been going on for a few days on the app now: calling your significant other by their name in order to see their reaction. And you find it hilarious. Some are cute about it, some are straight up moody or even angry.

You wonder how Ben would react to that, though…

You don’t reckon that he would get angry, he is too calm and too nice for that. Confused? Yes, definitely, he would get confused, maybe even a little worried. Actually, you’re so curious about it that you’re considering pulling this prank on him.

He’s not the kind to be petty, but he will get back at you if you prank him, so you need to weigh your options. The last time you made fun of him for being taller than you, he hid your favourite snacks on the top shelf for three days…

Still, you reckon this one is rather innocent, so you decide to try it on Ben.

He’ll soon be home, he went for an early run this morning before getting some work done as he is getting ready to leave to shoot a new project in a couple of days. So, you finally get up, take a shower before he arrives and decide to wait for him on the couch, grabbing the book you’re currently reading.

You hear the key turning in the lock first, then you hear fumbling with the doorknob, and finally you hear him whistling as he steps inside your home. You hear his keys being dropped in their bowl by the door, the sound of his shoes dropping to the floor, and finally his footsteps crossing the hall. He grins as he sees you on the sofa, looking comfy and rather adorable in one of his jumpers, some sweatpants and buried under a heavy blanket.

“Hi, darling!” he chimes, hurrying towards you and you can’t refrain the smile that forms on your lips in response to his happy voice.

“Hi!”

He bends to drop a sweet kiss on your lips, but you wriggle your nose when he pulls away.

“You’re all sweaty!” you complain, making him laugh.

“True. It was a good run, though. I’m going to take a shower, I reckon I need one.”

He moves towards the bathroom, but spins around after a couple of steps, and strides towards the kitchen instead.

“Water first,” he explains at the sight of your amused frown, before disappearing in the kitchen. “Do you want some, darling?”

“Oh, yes! Thanks, Ben.”

You wait for his reaction, but you hear nothing. From your peripheral vision, you catch him peering at you from the kitchen. He frowns hard, completely puzzled, and you struggle not to let out a bright laugh.

But he shakes his head, and resumes his activity in the kitchen. A minute later, he’s bringing you your glass of fresh water.

He’s still not reacting to your prank though, so you decide to push it a little further.

“Thank you, Benjamin.”

You see him visibly tensing as you take your drink, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

“Wow… I must really be in trouble,” he says, crossing his arms and tilting his head a little to the side. “Why on earth would you call me that?”

His voice is perfectly calm though, soothing even. You struggle not to laugh at the confused expression that paints itself over his features.

“Nothing,” you answer, but he’s not buying it.

“If it’s about the last jaffa cake that disappeared last night, it wasn’t me.”

“No?”

“It was my doppelganger.”

“Really?”

“Hmm… Jaffa cakes are his favourite, it’s not his fault, really…”

“I see…”

But you keep on staring sternly at him, and Ben grows more and more confused and anxious at the sight.

He frowns, humour gone from his voice when he speaks once more.

“Seriously, though… what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean ‘nothing’? You’ve never called me that before, what’s going on?”

“I’ve just used your name!”

But his frown deepens, he blinks several times, completely at a loss.

“Why would you call me that? No one calls me Benjamin. Except for my parents when they want to ground me.”

“Aren’t you a little old to be grounded?”

“You can never know with them.”

You chuckle, but Ben grows worried now, and your amusement starts feeling a lot like guilt.

He sits down next to you and takes your hand in his, enlacing your fingers together.

“What’s wrong? What did I do? I’ve done something terrible, haven’t I?”

“No, of course not…”

“I have… are you… how bad is it?”

“Nothing is wrong, I’m sorry…”

“You’ve never called me ‘Benjamin’. Ever. And you haven’t called me ‘Ben’ in like… two years!”

But you take his face in your hands to shush him, a soothing smile on your lips now.

“There’s nothing wrong! It was just a joke.”

He deeply frowns again.

“What?”

“I just saw this trend on Tik Tok, where you’re supposed to call your significant other by their name to see their reaction, and I just wanted to try it on you. It’s just a joke!”

You’re giggling now, but Ben is still frowning.

“It’s a joke?” he asks again, just to make sure. “So… you’re not mad at me, right?”

“No, of course not, honey!”

You see him relaxing next to you, shaking his head at you now, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Benjamin… really?” he asks, teasing back in his voice.

“You didn’t say anything at ‘Ben’! I had to up my game!”

“I thought you wanted to murder me or something!”

“Murder you?” you asked, laughing brightly now.

“I would actually expect you to murder me before calling me Benjamin.”

You both laugh at that.

“Don’t ever call me that again, by the way.”

“I could do worse.”

“Could you?” he snorts.

You stare at him, dead serious.

“Benjamin. Thomas. Barnes.”

You remain still for a moment, before both of you would explode with laughter.

“You’re right, it’s worse!” Ben complains, still laughing, as he stands from the couch to finally head for a shower. “Careful, or I’ll hug you while still covered with sweat.”

“Gross.”

He takes off his black t-shirt and throws it at you, making you laugh harder as you dive to avoid the dirty piece of clothing.

“You’re disgusting!”

But you hear him laughing, as he turns to look at you pushing his t-shirt away, leaning against the doorframe. And it is quite infuriating how handsome he looks like this, dishevelled, and sweaty, and you can’t help but stare at his exposed chest…

“I reckon that was a very petty vengeance,” you narrow your eyes at him as he starts chuckling again, a smug smile on his lips.

“I think you like the view, though.”

“Not at all…”

“Really?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

“That’s what I thought.”

He buries his hands in the pockets of his dark pair of shorts.

“Now, give me one of my usual pet names, please, my darling,” he goes on, his voice more tender now.

“I don’t know which one you’re talking about…”

“Any will do.”

“What do I usually call you again?”

“Hmm… let’s see…” he plays along, looking up as if searching through his memories. “There’s the classic ‘baby’, then there’s ‘love’… I’m very fond of ‘darling’, not gonna lie. ‘Honey’, ‘babe’, ‘honey bun’, ‘handsome’, and of course there’s ‘sweetheart’, and ‘sweetie’…”

“You’ve got many!”

“Hmm… you’re more creative than I am with these, I have to say. I usually keep with ‘darling’, or ‘love’, or ‘sweetheart’… right?”

“You call me ‘beautiful’ a lot, too.”

“That’s because you’re hot.”

You both laugh at that, even if the glimmer in Ben’s eyes tells you he’s not really teasing.

“Come on! Call me something proper, now!” Ben insists, and you nod.

“Alright, alright… that’s enough teasing.”

“Exactly!”

You stare intensely at him, and he waits patiently while you make up your mind. He’s expectant when he sees you opening your mouth to speak.

“Thomas.”

He lets out a frustrated cry.

“That’s even worse! No! It sounds like you’re calling my father!”

He shudders, and you double over with laughter.

“Stop laughing! That’s disgusting!”

“You should see your face!” you laugh, your stomach painful by now.

“You’re going to pay for this!” Ben warns you, and even though there’s a smile tugging at his lips again, you know he’s serious still. “You’ll have to make me forgive you for that.”

“Alright, alright… I’m sorry, that was going a little too far.”

“Indeed! Now, call me a sweet name or else…”

“Or else…”

“I’ll make sure you’re forgiven.”

You raise a surprised eyebrow.

“And how are you going to do that?”

He shoots you a bright grin.

“Oh, you’ll like that, don’t worry.”

“Will I?”

He nods with confidence, almost cocky.

“Someone’s a little full of himself over there…” you tease, but Ben merely shrugs.

“Realistic, rather.”

“Alright, anyway, I’m going to call you a cute name now, don’t worry.”

“I’m all ears.”

You grin at him, full of mischief, when you speak again.

“BENJAMIN!”

“You little minx!”

The next second you’ve jumped off the couch as Ben is sprinting towards you, running after you through your apartment, both of you laughing like crazy.

“Come back here!”

“No!”

He’s got you cornered after less than a minute, your back to the wall, and giggling like crazy.

“Now, baby, I call for a parlay,” you negotiate, but Ben is not fooled.

“Absolutely not.”

“Don’t tickle me. Please, don’t tickle me…”

“I’m not going to tickle you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

You lower your guard a little, tilting your head.

“Kisses?” you offer as a truce, and Ben has to admit he’s tempted, but then a devilish grin spreads over his lips.

“I got better than kisses planned, darling.”

The next second, he’s bent down to pick you up on his shoulder, carrying you like a bag of potatoes across the apartment, striding towards the bathroom.

“Baby! Stop it! Put me down!”

But he doesn’t listen to you.

“Ben! Stop!” you laugh, swatting his naked back.

“And here is my name again…”

“Honey!”

“Too late!”

He steps into the bathroom, opens the door to the bathroom, and gently puts you down in the shower.

“I’ve already taken a shower!” you tell him with a frown. “You’re the one who needs one!”

But when his gaze turns more intense, you instantly fall silent, finally understanding his devilish plan.

He’s already stripping when he finally answers, his eyes still staring deep into your soul, and his smile has turned much more dangerous now…

“I know,” he nods, voice deep and husky now, terribly tempting. “But then again, if you’re so eager to say my name, why not moan it instead?”

*****************************************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @wolfmoonmusic @sergeantbuckybarnes

#ben barnes #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes fanfic #ben barnes oneshot #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #writing

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

Note

Am I (27m) the asshole for wanting my boyfriend (28m) to be attracted to me?

This involves sex as a topic but won't get explicit, I'll keep it vague. I'm asexual. Completely sex repulsed in a physical sense, mostly due to autistic sensory issues. I've never had any interest in sex and didn't have any libido at all before going on testosterone, so the way most allosexuals tend to view and think of sex is something I've always struggled to understand.

In previous relationships, my asexuality was handled in different ways depending on the person. One boyfriend was totally fine just not having a sexual aspect to our relationship, another one had a hookup he got my approval on. The compromise me and my last boyfriend came up with was that he'd text me his fantasies about me and that did a lot for him without me having to physically be in the situation, and even if I didn't get anything sexual out of it I did enjoy it. It was a confidence boost. I dont generally consider myself attractive or desirable, i wear sweaters in summer because im so self conscious, and this compromise actually did a lot to help me see myself in a different light.

I recently got into a new relationship and, as with every relationship I've been in, there's inevitably a discussion about how we're going to compromise on this issue. My new boyfriend didn't know anything about asexuality and barely understood when I explained but he's very insistent about not crossing my boundaries, which I appreciate. But the problem is, since he'd never considered sexuality from a less direct angle, he didn't really know where to even start with ideas when we were trying to work out a compromise. So, I started making suggestions, thinking back to what worked for other people I'd dated. Just abstaining wasn't going to be doable for him so I didn't suggest it, and he wouldn't be comfortable with a hookup.

I remembered my ex used to be able to get something out of telling me about his fantasies so I asked if that was something he'd be into. I wasn't angling to try to get him to agree to something, I genuinely just wanted to know whether or not that was an option to consider. He didn't actually answer at first, he went quiet and then he answered the question with another question and asked "wouldn't something like that make you uncomfortable?" And I said "no, because the physical component is the thing I have issues with, not the subject matter itself. So long as I don't have to directly engage in the situation, I'm golden."

I don't know if this is something that was really stupid of me to say and my autistic ass just didn't realize, but since he's so careful about my boundaries and comfort and tends to fret, I thought his problem in the moment was worry that I'd be making myself uncomfortable in an attempt to meet his needs. So I hurried to reassure him and said not only would it not make me uncomfortable, I'd enjoy it in a way. Not sexually, but I enjoy knowing that my partner is attracted to me. It makes me feel good about myself.

He got really upset. He doesn’t get upset easily and hadn't ever gotten properly upset with me before (at least not to this extent) so I was very taken aback, but I was floored by his reason for being upset. Not word for word, but he essentially said "so basically you want me to frustrate myself to feed your ego?"

I was, I think understandably, completely fucking appalled by such a suggestion. I said of course not, I was just suggesting something I knew worked for someone else because even if it wasn't his thing, we could narrow down options by process of elimination. Which made logical sense, to me. He wasn't calmed though, he started saying things like "so, you want your partner to be attracted to you even though you never plan on actually letting them act on that attraction? Do you see how cruel that is?" And... I don’t know, which is why I'm submitting this here. Is that cruel?

From my perspective, I would think it's only natural to want to know your partner finds you attractive, doesn't everyone want to be wanted to some degree? I don't get some sort of sadistic thrill out of it as he seemed to be implying, and I don't want it to impact my partners in a negative way. If this was something he would find frustrating then no, of course I wouldn't want him to frustrate himself, we could look at other options. When I made the suggestion, I figured the worst that would happen was he'd say no and we'd narrow down the list of options. I never imagined my moral character would be called into question.

He's usually so, so nice to me and it hit really hard for someone who’s usually so fond of me to say I sounded selfish and vain. Both actual words he used when this devolved into an argument. I explained my reasoning for suggesting it to begin with but he said the issue isn’t the suggestion, it's that he thinks that it's fucked up of me to want my partner to be attracted to me when I'm not going to indulge that attraction and it makes him wonder if I'm really a different, worse person deep down and he's only now getting to see it. He called it a red flag. That seemed like such a leap to me but I don't want to dismiss the suggestion out of hand. Many bad people think they're good people, so it's not out of the question.

This was our first real argument, previous disagreements had been talked out very calmly but emotions ran high with this one. I dont know if this is something that triggered him for deeper reasons, considering his reaction was so intensely out of the norm for him, or if the whole thing just looks entirely different from the perspective of someone who isn't sex repulsed.

Am I the asshole here? Is it really as fucked up as he says that I enjoy knowing my partner is attracted to me even though I won't agree to have sex with them?

We didn't discuss the topic any more that night, and it hasn't been brought up since. He hasn't been treating me differently than before, but he's always proactively apologized before when he was in the wrong about things and he hasn't this time, so to me that says he still stands by what he said. His words have stuck with me and they’re eating at me. I feel like such a horrible person, and I have no idea if I should feel more or less guilty about this.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend is upset that I like knowing my partners are attracted to me even though I don't want to and don't intend to have sex with them bc he thinks that's majorly fucked up and a red flag.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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snarky-art · 4 months

Text

Thriving vs Survivng, am I right, lads?

Bloom and Stella eventually get married, Daphne and the woman with her, Nadia, an oc I made and have mentioned a few times, get married with Daphne to be next in line as Queen of Domino, and Aisha and Musa get married one day, but are currently in this pic going through some Shit that’s putting a huge damper on that.

More info on everyone and political drama stuff below the cut!

Bloom and Stella are thriving.

Polyamory is super duper normalized in a decent amount of places, and is considered a norm on Solaria. Stella is eventually married both to Brandon and Bloom. Both of Bloom’s sets of parents love Stella and are incredibly happy for her. After much talk and deliberation between Daphne, Bloom, Marion, and Oritel to see how Bloom and Daphne are feeling after Daphne is healed up and in a good place and has processed shit, it’s decided Daphne will continue as heir and shall be next in line for rulership. Bloom meanwhile shall continue her role as guardian fairy, Holder of The Flame, and eventually upon her marriage to Stella will be Queen Regent of Solaria. She has a lot more flexibility this way too to go where she feels most comfortable, between Earth and other areas in The Magical Realm. Oritel and Marion don’t want Bloom or Daphne to feel trapped or be stifled with immense pressure if they can help it, and Bloom is still most comfortable on Earth, so having the option to go back and forth is important and something Marion and Oritel want her to not feel cut off from it, a mistake they made early on when they first got brought back from their stasis.

Formal picture of Nadia finally! An oc from Earth I made who’s Daphne’s gf and eventual wife. I thought it would be nice for Daphne to not worry about contextualizing her grief and trauma with someone who already had preconceived notions of her from myths and legends over the last 1000+ years.

Nadia: so you’re Bloom’s sister! That’s so cool! Do you have magic too?

Daphne, who at this point while not the holder of the flame anymore is still an incredibly powerful fire elemental who retains her nymphix and could hand bloom’s ass to her and call upon The Dragon at will whenever she wants: uh, yeah, some I guess.

Bloom: glad to see being a useless lesbian is a universal trait instead of just earth specific

Daphne: exCUSE ME-

Royal balls be like “The Incarnation of God Itself, heir to The Great Pillar of all of Magic Domino, The Dragon Reborn, Supreme Nymph of Magix, Princess Daphne, and Nadia, Barista on Tuesday, Thursday, and Weekends, of the plant Earth”

Like, oh boy, THEE DAPHNE, and Nadia from Starbucks.

Also don’t worry it’s not actually a Starbucks. It’s a small local cafe and bakery spot that Bloom really likes. Daphne went with her once, saw Nadia, and went 👀. Daphne doesn’t even like coffee also she just goes there for Nadia and was too anxious to ask about any other drinks so she just gets what Bloom got, would makes Bloom, who is not at all rich on Earth, pay for it, and then didn’t actually drink it.

Also, Nadia is definitely wearing heels here.

She’s only around 5’9 or ~175cm, while as I’ve mentioned before, Daphne is 6’7 or ~200cm.

She like to wear different heels and go “ok NOW how close am I to being taller than you” or sometimes go “ok, I think I beat you this time” when she tries on a new pair

She’s never close obviously and they both know that because hehe funny joke, but Daphne will still go “oh, you just might’ve this time.”

Musa and Aisha meanwhile are Struggling. Not only is Musa someone who is already insanely anti-monarch in her governmental views, even one that operates more as a democracy, the government she’s working with can’t stand her.

I’ve mentioned in these posts how marriage works on Andros, and Musa is Not It. She’s not even a Land Androsian, which would’ve been considered a bit of a scandal because of how their government structure is set up. No it’s much worse, for oh no, she’s not an Androsian at all! Truly horrific (I say this sarcastically, but that’s genuinely what the nobles and a chunk of the population feel).

Musa is doing what she can to appease Androsian court.

Gold is a big fucking no no on Andros, but she doesn’t want to give that up since it’s a really important part of her culture.

Aisha is standing with her on that, but it doesn’t make it easier to deal with the assholes in court.

She’s even muted her reds to lean more towards purples and blues.

Muting the reds was a huge olive branch of sorts and she’s pissed about it and doesn’t like doing it (but she did it, and it wasn’t even appreciated, but WHATEVER), but she refuses to get rid of the golds (good for her).

Aisha has gold nail polish here also. She’s doing what she can, and eventually is just gonna say fuck it and start wearing straight up gold with her silvers and tell Musa to get back in the bright red or so help me-

Stella let’s Aisha borrow her stash specifically when she first start and immediately commissions some custom ones done for Aisha’s measurements.

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fangirlies · 1 year

Text

Jump your bones (x.t)

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem!reader

Summary: You shared a secret with your roommate Enid but little did you know it would bite you in the ass later on.

Warnings: Swearing. Some mentions about sex. (Anything else I’d need to add, please let me know)

Word count: 989 words

part 2 • part 3

“Ugh can the two of you get a room!” you shout to your roommate and her boyfriend as they made out on her bed. “You guys are seriously starting to make me consider getting a new roommate.” As she separates from her lover, Enid laughs.

Ajax pouts mockingly, "Someone's upset they're not getting any love and affection from a specific someone." Enid gasps and softly hits him on the arm.

Knowing that Enid had revealed your secret to her partner, you glared at her.

———————

You two were playing ‘would you rather’ in the dark one night as you lay in bed, unable to sleep. You two were laughing at the options you were offering each other.

"Would you rather be a vamp or a siren?" you asked into the darkness. "Boringg" Enid replied, “Siren. But that was incredibly boring. Please y/n give me a juicy one!”

You gave a gentle laugh sensing how eager she was for a challenge. Your thoughts became blank after a few minutes of contemplation. You couldn't come up with a question that would suit Enid's demand for a "hard choice." Enid broke the silence after observing your struggle.

"Would you rather fuck Xavier or Kent?" You gasped internally at Enid's bold choice of words since she rarely spoke in that manner, but a chuckle followed not long behind.

"Easy, Xavier. I thought you wanted a difficult round!" You could tell Enid's eyes widened by your reply without even glancing at her.

Enid has been attempting to get any kind of information out of you since your first day at Nevermore. You, being the guarded individual that you are, never gave in. So this is the first time you've ever attempted to display emotion to Enid. It might have been the lack of sleep talking, or it could have been your desire to open up a bit since the two of you had grown close in the last several months, but either way Enid was eager to pull something out of you.

"Isn't Xavier cute?" She enquired. You pursed your lips into a straight line as the thought of actually fucking THE tortured artist crossed your mind.

"He's sooo sexy. If I had the chance to jump his bones, I would not think twice about it." You both chuckled and continued your spicy game of would you rather till sleep took over.

————————

“You told him about that?” Your eyes widened in disbelief. Now standing up from your vanity and walking towards the couple.

“That is so embarrassing Enid, how could you! Ajax, I totally did not mean I’d jump his bones. I just think he's cute. Not even! I think he’s decent looking but I would never--” Waving your hands up, you continue your rant like some kind of crazy person. Enid’s eyes were now bulging out of her skull.

“Y/n, please stop. I never made it that far!”

You come to a complete stop and look over to observe Ajax's reaction when you realized what Enid just said. You started laughing uncontrollably, which was a tendency you had when you were extremely uncomfortable. Ajax was trying hard not to laugh, knowing that if he did, Enid would slap him again. This time most likely actually hurting him.

"Oh," was all you could utter in humiliation before spinning and reaching for your sweater. "I'll just pretend I was never here."

And with that you made your way to the quad.

‘Gosh y/n, you’re so ridiculous! He’s decent looking? Who even says that? This is so embarrassing.’ You thought to yourself as you took your usual seat at a bench. You knew you spoke far too much, letting out something that you never imagined leaving your dorms’ four walls. You sighed loudly as your fingers worked their way through the small knots of your hair.

“What’s on your mind, Tiny?”

It felt as though your heart stopped beating for a minute. You lifted your head from your hands, settling your gaze on the familiar pair of emerald eyes you enjoy looking into a little too much. His gem-like eyes had always been so soothing to you. So captivating. So mesmerizing. They made you instantly melt. You giggled at his nickname for you. When you two first met, you were given the nickname 'tiny.' The new name stuck because of how significantly smaller you are in comparison to this giant.

Scanning your head for any explanation, you frantically spewed out the first excuse that made any sense.

"Just swamped with schoolwork, nothing too serious," you say, giving him a small smile to make it seem credible. Xavier nodded slowly, indicating that he, too, was stressed about school.

"I could say the same thing. Drawing is the only thing that keeps my head above water sometimes."

As he offered you some advice, your heart melted.

"Find something to keep your mind off of it for a while," the long-haired brunette continues as he stares off into the distance. " You like to write, don't you? If you ever want to visit my shed for some quiet time, you're welcomed to hang out with me." You tilted your head to look him in the eyes. It was endearing to see him try to comfort you, even if it was just some bullshit reason you made up. Your pulse skipped a beat at the idea of you two alone in his drawing shed.

You gave him a genuine smile. "I'd like that" you replied as he started to rise from his previous sitting position.

“I’m sure you would, gives you the perfect excuse to jump my bones” he taunted as he whispered this in your ear. Exposing his perfectly white teeth just before making his way to his dorm room.

His last few words made your mouth drop open. Oh, you're going to destroy Ajax. No, you're going to destroy Enid. Both sound quite appropriate right now.

———————

A.N: hi my fan girlies! This is a little short writing about the insanely good looking Xavier Thorpe. I’m absolutely swooning over this 6’2 yummy man. Hope you enjoyed this.

Edit* this is my first writing ever in a very very long time! so happy you all are enjoying it <3

#wednesday #xavier thorpe #xavier thrope imagine #xavier thorpe fanfic #xavier thorpe fluff #wednesday netflix #imagine #fangirl #fangirlieswriting

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