#or maybe i'm just depressed
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like, honestly, would anyone care or even notice if i just...went away?
#ed.txt#i don't matter#i don't do anything#my art sucks#my writing sucks#i'm a terrible friend#i'm not even a person just some...thing#all my progress always backsteps eventually#or maybe i'm just depressed#i don't know
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Super out of it today 馃挙馃挮
#or maybe I'm just depressed#i don't want to be depressed#because as soon as they're home and see something is wrong it's gonna be 'great not this again'#and then I have to make sure THEY'RE okay#because now I've put them in a bad mood by feeling down#maybe if I say I'm just tired it'll avoid any tension
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Pac: Oh, Nen锚... How cute... 馃ズ馃挄
After dying to an atomic creeper in a cave and stressing over potentially losing all his items, Pac returns home to set his spawn and receives a sweet surprise:
His cat falls asleep on top of him and purrs when he goes to bed :')
#QSMP#Pactw#Pac#March 28 2024#I had the exact same reaction as Pac my heart frickin melted THIS IS SO CUTE.... AND THE PURRING.... MY HEART#I desperately wish Pac got to hang out with Madagio (in his cat-form)#because cats clearly adore Pac just as much as he loves them#Maybe in an alternate universe Madagio spent a day with Pac#And in that time he learned why Fit came to care for this man so much#I don't need more WIPs on my plate but I am Pondering the idea#If the cat-hybrid Cellbit thing was canon I could crack a joke about the ''cats clearly adore Pac just as much as he loves them'' thing#but alas#For real though lock Madagio in a room with Pac for 12 hours and he'll leave being grudgingly charmed by him#aghhhh#Anyways this is so cute#but also really sad#because how many times do you think Pac's been in his room depressed over his missing son / friends / roommate#only to have his cats burrow under his arm and nudge their way onto his lap?#Don't get me started I'm feeling Emotional about cubito Pac lately
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Maybe a hot take, but I don't think the Traveler was being inconsistent or out of character in the last archon quest at all. People are getting upset at their reaction to Lyney and Lynette's behavior from the perspective of players, with meta knowledge of the story that the Traveler, the character, doesn't have.
The players know, for example, that because they're playable characters, Lyney and Lynette are ultimately friendly and on "our" side, and we can also trust that what they told us about their backstory is true. The Traveler does not have that knowledge.
TO BE CLEAR this post is talking about my thoughts on the TRAVELER'S thought process. If we want to talk about how I personally would have reacted to the situation, I'm an overly trusting bleeding-heart who would absolutely get scammed and probably murdered by Fatui in this universe.
(Also characters, even main characters who you normally like, can do things you disagree with and that doesn't mean they're badly written. I mean, sometimes they are, but I don't think that's true in this particular case)
But think about it! Looking at the entire situation from an in-universe, in-character POV, it's a really bad look for Lyney and Lynette overall, because here are the facts as the Traveler is aware of them:
Lyney and Lynette are not only members of the Fatui, the primary antagonistic force in this story, but are specifically members of the House of the Hearth, which is known to specialize in espionage, subterfuge, and sabotage.
Both of them also work in a field that would further require them to be masters of misdirection, audience manipulation, and drama.
They "coincidentally" ran into the Traveler right as they arrived in Fontaine and immediately began to do them favors and be very friendly, including saving them from Furina, bringing them to meet their family, and gifting them VIP tickets to Lyney's show.
During the trial, the twins withheld key information, and not just about their identities (and listen, I get it, I fully empathize with why they did it, I get the reasoning, but it's still a bad look when it gets figured out) but also about what they were doing in the tunnel.
They admitted that the entire magic show was a ruse to do, guess what? espionage! To break into the room with the Oratrice's core and find out how it works. To, through subterfuge, obtain Fontaine's secrets about the nation's most important mechanism and central source of power.
The Traveler has known these people for like, a day total.
So what conclusions might the Traveler draw from these facts? When the evidence shows that Lyney and Lynette have a record of misdirection and obfuscation for their own ends? When the Traveler has no way of knowing if even their initial meeting was orchestrated for an ulterior purpose? How are they supposed to know if the tragic backstory is even true, or if that's just Lyney trying to win back some favor and sympathy? In my opinion, at that moment, they don't. Hence the coldness.
My interpretation of events is that the Traveler does like the twins, and wanted to keep liking them, but was struggling to reconcile their initial impression of two friendly magicians with the realization that these two friendly magicians were dishonest with them for most of the time they'd known each other, so they needed to have some space to figure that out.
And for those saying the Traveler is inconsistent, here's the thing: they still helped Lyney. They still acted as his attorney, investigated thoroughly, won the case, and cleared his name. They've done similar for other Fatui members in their acquaintance鈥攖hey helped Childe with Teucer, they helped Scaramouche/Wanderer with getting his memories back, they helped that other member of the House of the Hearth fake her death and escape the organization鈥攚hether or not they fully trusted them, and generally they didn't.
As for the Traveler's supposed hypocrisy, my view of their relationship with Childe is that it's only improved because, despite Childe trying to nuke Liyue in the past, the Traveler knows that
a. They can handle him if it comes down to a fight again;
b. He likes them, regardless of if the feeling is mutual or not, and is indeed aggressively friendly to the point where it's easier to just be civil;
c. Childe is generally upfront and honest about his actions and will strike from the front, not stab them in the back; and
d. He's worked together with them before when they had a common goal (for example, the labyrinth they went through with Xinyan).
They know how his mind works and what motivates him. Childe is a known quantity, the twins are not, and it took in-story time and shared experiences for the Traveler to get to even this point of neutrality; they were openly suspicious of him during his story quest.
As for holding his Vision for him, the Traveler didn't exactly volunteer for the job, Childe literally threw it at them with no warning and peaced out. What do you expect them to do, drop it in the sea? That would be inconsistent with their characterization.
Wanderer's whole situation is even weirder, since the Traveler was able to experience his actual memories and emotions and therefore has good reason to trust that he's had a genuine change of heart. Not to mention that they're not friends, I'd argue they're in that same nebulous "neutral" zone, and that only because Nahida usually functions as a buffer (and also because, again, the Traveler knows that they can handle Wanderer in a fight, and Wanderer also tends to be blunt and honest).
Also, in Lyney's story quest it seems like everyone got over their problems pretty fast and they're all chummy now, so you can all rest easy that the twins' feelings weren't too hurt about it.
Anyways if you disagree go ham, refute my points, whatever, just keep things civil.
#is there a designated spoiler tag idk#genshin impact#4.0 spoilers#hi non genshin-liking friends i promise i won't be doing this regularly#i just like to think about character relationships#ace attorney ass quest#genuinely rather disappointed that there was no... tension between them in lyney's story quest. like at all#the last time y'all saw each other was dramatic and depressing right after his murder trial and now you're just pals 'n' buddies#and maybe more considering how heavily they imply that lyney is flirting with the traveler#maybe they'll touch on it (the Drama) in the next archon quest#now that would be inconsistent writing with the story quest but whatever#i read comics i'm used to it#shadowboxtalks#speaking of the story quest i said out loud at several points 'oh yeah you're definitely a fatuus'#all that about not forgetting debts#and 'oh yeah you're definitely from the house of the hearth'#sneaky little shits (affectionate)
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The Mario movie thing is so funny to me. Here, look at this:
Sonic movies (1, 2, & w/ 3 on the way) come out, does INCREDIBLE in box office, decimates Marvel films, who previously had a stranglehold
Nintendo sees this, wants a piece of that pie, buckles down to make a Mario movie Incorrect order of events, as pointed out here! Mario movie announced before the public knew about Sonic movie.
(Potentially because the previous Mario movie was so out there, did poorly, & was disliked by fans & then promptly forgotten,) they pair with Illumination, a studio that is largely known for making very sterile films
Btw, is it just me that finds it weird that there is no mention from Nintendo or online of the previous movie, in all this? Maybe I'm the only one who remembers this film idk
They announce casting. Everyone immediately boos because they cast Chris Pratt as Mario.
Immediate outrage, as Charles Martinet, the voice of Mario for DECADES, was not cast in his claim to fame roll
There is a (unsourced) rumor that a test screening for the film was met with disappointment, making Nintendo unhappy
Slightly corroborating this, Nintendo buys Dynamo Pictures, to make Nintendo Pictures, with the intent to make future movies in-house
Anticipation for the movie likens it to other sterile animated movies of the last 10 years, like the Minions movies
Trailer comes out.
People continue to boo Chris Pratt, a bad cast for a beloved character who is putting 0 effort into his voice, in comparison to all other VAs putting in 110%
Chris Pratt goes to bed "depressed," at seeing the response I was incorrect, that is an older article, about when he was thanking his wife for providing a healthy child, to which people drew immediate parallels to his ex-wife's son, who has many health complications & needed many surgeries.
But with your help, we can make him being depressed after media backlash reality!
Lol, &, may I say, lmao.
#gale chatter#mario movie#chris pratt#sonic movie#btw i 100% believe that rumor you cannot tell me that ain't what happened#also it is transparent that nintendo wanted what sonic movie had#damn maybe i don't do that batim video as my first maybe i do mario movie#my hot take is they should have cast both charles martinet & the super mario bros super show va#& used them interchangeably#bc. that would own#i wanted to mention thr jack black ass thing here but i feel it's too out there & irrelevant#at first reading the quote ppl got mad at i was little like 'oh dang is this not as bad as i thought'#but then i remembered 1) it's chris pratt he says rancid shut all the time & 2)#this response of stating he feels depressed while not like apologizing is just to do nothing but evoke pity#& he easily coulda apologized & been like 'i didn't mean it that way' or 'i wasn't thinking abt it & I'm sorry'#but he's not sorry. he doesn't see anything wrong with what he said. it's the internet's reaction that is thr problem in his mind#so he wants to make them pity him & feel bad that shit is TEXTBOOK manipulation i would know lol
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Vigil - 1x04 || 2x02
#vigiledit#bbc vigil#amy silva#kirsten longacre#suranne jones#rose leslie#vigil spoilers#vigil 1x04#vigil 2x02#amy x kirsten#femslash related stuff#has anybody shotten their shot more successfully than kristen longacre seeing her tall hot boss#maybe for like five seconds aaliyah amrohi seeing a tall hot american :P#but kirsten was really like I'm going to climb that stern depressed lady who doesn't even know she likes women#and she was right!#just worked through all of amy's issues and now they're raising a kid and pregnant with another#season better end with a proposal!
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Everybody loves a winner
so nobody loved me
#crawls from the hole that is my tumblr semi-hiatus#save me video of damon daunno singing 'maybe this time' from cabaret... save me#been in a horrible seasonal depression (+ imposter syndrome + dysphoria) these past months so i'm taking it out on a favorite cryptid#because they're not plain enough for rabbits but too plain to be wolpertingers yknow? wonky middle ground. too much and never enough#art#digital art#illustration#jackalope#cryptid#personal art#furry#eyestrain#eyestrain tw#bright colors#tw bright colors#i like making art like this! but i also miss drawing my blorbos... i just miss drawing! i miss drawing for fun!! I miss breaking art rules!#rook draws!#rook roars!#vent
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that line Ron says to Percy during COS about Percy not caring about Ginny right as he's telling Ron how worried Ginny (and the other first years) are over Mrs. Norris and that they need to at least try not to look so suspicious.
is just
oof
like I was looking for something else but to me that just feels like a gut punch
I know its just yet another example of a Weasley saying something about Percy that isn't shown in his actions but I just i don't know it hit hard and made me wince this time for some reason despite having seen the line many times.
also the fact Percy doesn't even really fight back or mention it its like he's so used to it he gets mad yes but he doesn't try to fight it
he takes points
he anxiously messes with his badge
and then threatens to tell mom if he catches them again
and i think that's a bit depressing
#percy weasley#or you know maybe I'm just in a depressive slump so weird stuff is hitting hard haha#i wonder if when Ginny was in the chamber if that line rattled in his head
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#With all the aphobia that have come out with this whole Alastor thing#I just want someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay#He is just a fictional character. but I feel very invalidated every time they do whatever they want with his orientation#and they are so insensitive about it#maybe Rosie will hug me and tell me everythin is going to be alrigth#I'm sorry for sounding so depressed all of a sudden. but I had that inside me for a few days#Fortunately in a few months the love for Hazbin Hotel will calm down. and I could now scroll through tiktok without fear of finding them#hopefully in a few years aphobia will be less and HH fandom(or THOSE shippers at least) will be remembered as one of those very toxic fandom#aroace alastor#hazbin alastor#alastor the radio demon#alastor hazbin hotel#aromantic alastor#asexual alastor
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being depressed sucks ass because there's so many things I wanna do but I just can't
#in my mind i want to work on my assignment#not should but WANT#I WANT TO FUNCTION LIKE A REGULAR PERSON IN SOCIETY#but it's so hard. even bringing myself to shower or eat is like. so much work#anyways i finsihed derry girls#cheers to that#it was amazing#deserved more seasons#I'm going to watch bes next#maybe not starting today but i will#is it even depression because I'm not sad#I'm just not doing things that normal people do normally#and while i feel shit abt it it's not making me sad#right now for example I'm only having pomegranates and a scrambled egg for dinner
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a 鉁笍break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 馃拃#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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This is a mess of a brain rot
So once upon a time I wrote some ideas of what would happen if we put Nick's characters in a room
Yesterday I was reading a fic from Chinese RWRB fandom where George (Mary & George, Nick) Marco (The Kissing Booth, Taylor), and Tom (The Beneath My Feet, Nick) were side characters and school friends with the daughter oc of the fic
All of them are pre-teens, Tom is an adorable, shy baby, George is the prettiest boy in school and has boys literally falling over their feet for his smile, and Marco is Tom's boyfriend who walks him home and defends him from bullies (as much as a boyfriend as a kid can be)
And I was reminded of a fic series from my other fandom (it's Chinese) where the author basically rounded up the actors' other characters (who kinda had either no chemistry or a shit relationship storyline in their original work), made them housemates, and basically paired them up and created a big cross over rom-com
And I immediately started brainstorming and thinking of an RWRB/ Taylor Nick Universe version of the same concept: Henry as an Eng Lit student and Alex a Law student, Robert (Cinderella, Nick) can be Henry's cousin who's doing a musical theatre degree, Marco, Tom, Johnnie (High Strung, Nick) (and maybe Conor (Handsome Devil, Nick)?) could all be music students, George's whole trajectory maybe can be translating into a sugar daddy situation still with some form of King James, maybe all of Nick's characters are in one apartment complex and all of Taylor's characters neighbouring them etc etc... This whole idea got me so freaking excited
And then a slew of questions flooded my mind: How do I want to do this? Comic? Ask blog? Fic? Bullet point posts? Am I gonna commit to this? Is there even an audience for this? How much bullshit can I come up with?
Also, what the fuck am I gonna do with the characters? I only really know Henry, Alex, Conor, Marco, and maybe Robert, and maybe Timmy. I don't really have the time or the interest to watch all of the boys' filmography (sorry I love the boys with all my heart but I'm a really plot-driven viewer when it comes to shows/movies), what am I gonna do with that? What am I gonna do with shipping? I say this with all the love for Taylor but Nick does have a larger filmography thus more characters than he does, and even just with Marco I have no idea who to pair him up with because there are so many possible good ship dynamics but I prefer just sticking to one ship? What the fuck?
Yeah I don't fucking know if there's a point I'm trying to make or a conclusion I'm trying to reach but here ya go Welcome to the mess that is my mind
#rwrb#red white and royal blue#rwrb movie#taylor zakhar perez#nicholas galitzine#alex claremont diaz#henry fox mountchristen windsor#henry hanover stuart fox#firstprince#marco pe帽a#tom heath#george villiers#meraki fic#maybe?#rwrb rambles#I have no idea what the fuck this is at this point#it's half part midnight i'm delirious and depress and this is keeping me alive lmao#oh yeah Hayes was also in the fic but he was just mentioned and his setting is pretty much the same
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if you're asking for drawing requests, maybe Willow in her timeskip look or Luz with the Collector??
[ID: a digital illustration of Luz (in her titan form from watching and dreaming) and The Collector. Luz stands on a small hill of red grass, waving at The Collector, who's off-screen but depicted to the audience as a closeup inside a star shaped panel. Luz is waving at the off-screen Collector with a smile, while The Collector smiles tearfully at her. Small uncoloured doodles of Eda and King are depicted waving at the collector in the background. End ID]
This was meant to be a doodle anon but unfortunately I went off the shits. Anyway, collector sees Luz post-resurrection and cries big gross happy tears bc he's so happy she's alive
#the owl house#toh#luz noceda#the collector#watching and dreaming#titan luz#titan!luz#god i love titan!luzs design SO MUCH it's so good.#something so personal abt the cringiest depressed bisexual teen in the world saving the world in cosmic furry cosplay of the devil#i don't really have tag rambles for this?#i did the sketch and fully expected this to be like. just a regular ''lines colour and maybe some shading'' deal#but there was too much negative space? so i added the little eda and king waving in the distance#but this implied like. a surrounding and a sense of space that looked Wrong without more detail#so uh. i did a background. then i coloured the lineart. then i did the shading and it just. kinda. spiraled#meant to post this yesterday but i fell asleep <3#uhh anyway hope you enjoy anon!#i promise I'm gonna post that third request i just also wanna finish this animatic some time soon#IT'S CLOSE TO BEING DONE I JUST GOT BURNT OUT!!! GRRRRR#i need incentive i need motivation. i need a tiny elf with a hammer to beat my brain everytime i think ''no I won't work today <3''
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I think we can absolutely criticize how gender dysphoria is viewed and defined, but sometimes, I think people can swing too far in the other direction to say that gender dysphoria doesn't exist at all, or that anybody who claims to have gender dysphoria simply have internalized transphobia. I really don't think this is helpful to trans people who are dysphoric, and it really puts us in a shameful position wherein our feelings are deemed proof of being problematic or transphobic.
I absolutely don't think dysphoria is required whatsoever to be trans - I hope my blog has made this position clear. I just hate the way dysphoria is understood by cis doctors and medical professionals, who typically do not talk to or try to understand their dysphoric patients. I don't think the solution is to blame dysphoric trans people, though (or non-dysphoric trans people!). We didn't ask for the state of transphobic healthcare. We need to put the blame where it lies - with biased professionals who don't want to accurately understand dysphoria and how it can overlap with trans identity and the transphobic society many of us live in.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#dysphoria tw#i just wish people would be nuanced and maybe more compassionate about this#because this (like most other healthcare and mental wellness topics) are so fucking complex and nuanced#dysphoria is just as complex as any other healthcare need and i wish more people (doctors especially) actually understood that#because doctors seem to get when i say that depression has ruined my life because they understand depression a *tad* bit more...#...but when i talk about dysphoria and say it *destroyed* me? i'm suddenly a lab rat and they refuse to understand how i feel and why#also saying gender dysphoria isn't real isn't something only non-dysphoric trans people say...#...in fact i think they understand more about dysphoria than some cis people do...#...and i full-heartedly would support a trans person no matter what their dysphoria does or does not look like...#...because dysphoria is highly contextual and does not present the same and doesn't have to be present for someone to be trans...#...it's just that in my experience as a dysphoric trans person i've found that people aren't suddenly more supportive of me...#...and i really want to change how we talk about transness and dysphoria#i don't want to talk about non-dysphoric trans people like i know what it's like because that isn't my story...#...but i want to make it CLEAR that i will always want them in my trans spaces and that we *need* them in our community
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Obviously this is insane character development for Wolfwood, many people have analyzed that part of this scene better than me. But! What I haven't seen anyone point out is that this isn't new. While Wolfwood's still not afraid to make a fatal blow when necessary, Vash and Wolfwood fighting as a team hasn't resulted in a death in a while. At this point in the story, after fulfilling his mission, knowing that Vash is being tortured, Wolfwood has already been deeply changed. Hell, just look at the way that this situation weighs on Wolfwood.
One of my absolutely favorite character dynamics in fiction are characters who deeply and forever change each other. And not because of force or being made to, but because they're so deeply inspired by the other person that they shift. That they want to become what the other person sees in the world, or even what they somehow see in them. And these two have that in spades.
#Trigun#TrigunBookclub#When I realized how strong this is in Trimax#I knew I was doomed#I was trying to see when this shift happened this time around#But it's been a REALLY long time since we've seen Woowoo do a murder#If I'm remembering right#The insane depression and needing to take a break because of all that threw me off#BUT I THINK THE POINT STILL STANDS#OR MAYBE I'M JUST STUPID
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hey. um. i love him
#O_O i really love him#it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer#by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die#sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day#kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do#using another website just sounds so depressing#im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it#but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation#i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it#and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience#I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it#i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of#the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked#and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons#but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know#in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time#idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what#no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself#and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one
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