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spearxwind · 11 months

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Hiya, I’d like to put some thoughts out there on my blog (my house) bc I need to yarf some intense feelings or I fear I will explode on a nuclear scale. This is about hollowridge (not in a negative light!! just explaining + reminiscing of old stuff and talking about new stuff. Pouring my heart out more than a little bit.)

I will put them under a readmore of course, this is PRETTY long winded, so you can read or ignore at your leisure -w-

I was in my adri tag a while ago looking for some images and ended up going through the whole thing and seeing the evolution of him as a character and HR as a story. Additionally, I recently organized my external memory where all my art files are stored and also saw my old stuff, old concepts, old documents with info and ideas, etc etc and like other times where I have looked through my old stuff I have been WRACKED with so many emotions about it. It’s always a dangerous game to go back into my folders/tags to look because I always end up feeling this whooole spiel all at once and very intensely.

Seeing my content shifts is jarring. Very much so. It always is. I don’t think I can pinpoint causes, some of my better creative highs were at really low points in my life, and then other times my creativity and worlds were subsequently really hardly hit during similar lows. I like to think that I am on the up now though, both mentally and creatively. I’m getting back into a lot of things I love, and I am surrounded by people who I love dearly and who love me back, and things in general are really good! I feel less… I wouldn't say wrathful, but way less frustrated when looking back at my old stuff and more inspired to go back to these concepts with a healthier more open mind + knowing that I have improved nonetheless.

Specifically for hollowridge. Hollowridge feels like a home to me, simple as that. It's something immensely dear to me and I think this is clear by how much effort I have put into it over time, not all of it well placed or with good results, but effort to make it the best that it could be (at best) and effort to keep it afloat (at worst). HR is a strange thing to look back on because it has gone through so many iterations that its hard to pinpoint just one when looking back, but there's a specific time slot (2017-2018 roughly… I’m not gonna check) that I believe is where it was at its best, and that is specifically the vibe that I am trying really hard to go back to with the newest iteration.

I’ve always struggled with it a lot, I've often voiced this publicly, or to friends who would hear my woes out (god bless them for hearing me go on and on about this like a bass boosted and emotional broken record), often because there was so many possibilities that I could run with and I had a lot of really, really conflicting ideas that I wanted to explore. I also had a lot of trouble with lore in general because for many years I was haunted by the absurd need to “make things make sense”, whatever that means. Having things grounded so that people wouldn't be able to poke holes into the watertight plot.. which I never achieved of course. It was less watertight and more of a welded together pringle shaped monstrosity (This was not only true for hollowridge, but was true for everything I have ever made. like in general. It’s been a consistent creative problem for me).

Eventually what happened iteration after iteration was that I throttled myself too much with rules, random limitations, all in favor of making something cohesive and deleting all the fun bits off the project in the process.

For this reason I also can’t just up and go “yeah i'm gonna turboscrap everything and go back to what worked in 2017” because it also DIDN’T work then. But that vibe specifically is what I am aiming for. The “classic” vibe, if you will (if that means anything to you as it does to me.)

What didn't work for me back in the day was giving everything a reason for existing, which is something I no longer wish to do (it’s better that way) and also something that failed back then both in HR, and in extinction (earlier drafts) and just about any version of a story I ever tried to make was THE SCOPE. It always spiraled out of my hands. God entities always escape me. Magic systems always escape me. How cities and such would be regulated in these scenarios escape me. Its just things I’m not comfortable writing about in general

So that’s why I have made changes to it currently (the whole lens of technology over it) because it makes it easier to think about, and easier to handle. Post apocalypses are fun to handle, and also easy to handle (for me, in this context). Technology going awry feels like its easier to think about than just vague “magic”, even if in the end the aesthetic looks literally exactly the same. Does that make sense? I hope it makes sense.

To give an example: Magic spells and circles → programs and code lines. That can be shot into machinery or meat (recodes your fucking genome in real time and gives you super brain hemorrhage idk). I guess it just gives my brain something to latch onto that isnt just vague rules of a magic system that could potentially be anything and everything? It essentially works the exact same way… its just the lens of looking at it is changed.

Mimics are their own thing now (nanotechnology, instead of vague.. shadow things). Adri is his own thing while still connected to mimics (an angel array made of the same stuff, instead of.. whatever else). Connected to the world. AND all the conflicting but dearly beloved concepts I had for him actually fit (snake, scarf, smoke, usurper of a body that is not his. Hey remember when he was made out of ashes/smoke and eventually out of goop. Well all of that is true at once now! It’s ALL canon! Bitch! The concepts have been reconciled!!)

There are also more “normal” creatures besides these, animals that have either evolved aboveground due to fit into new world niches (so I can design Whatever without being too limited) and there’s also machine/biomachine chimeras, and purposed grown organisms, and just Weird Shit made by machines in the belly of the earth (meat is just complex machinery. you know this. your heart is a piston and your blood gasoline. but I digress.) So I have the space to Get Weird if I so choose, on my own terms this time. And it will have a proper place in the world.

There used to be a lot of concepts that were cool that I missed a lot when I had to shift away from them. Like mimics infecting people and pretending to be them, and then being able to break the hosts bodies apart to make bodies for the mimic itself. That did not fly in pretty much 80% of the later versions of HR but I was able to bring it back for this one. I’ve tied mimics to the epidemic and to Adri in a way that MAKES SENSE but lets me go wild anyways

I guess… the short way of explaining is that. Instead of it being very vague supernatural stuff of dubious origin, now it's a ‘manmade horrors beyond your comprehension’ type deal (still of dubious origin). Which obviously neither the characters nor I would be able to explain to you the details of its origins but the distinction MATTERS to me (to my brain).

Something else about HR is that it’s made up of me having rounded up a bunch of ocs who’s stories were empty or were left to the void so that they could have a fitting home where they could shine. At the end of the day I just wanna do my characters justice. I don’t want to just relegate them to nice set pieces (even though they ARE cool set pieces), but each of them has years of backstory stuff that I would like to keep to not lose the essence of said character and its where I put the bulk of my writing effort into.

I want their connections to the story to be solid, but I also want their base vibes and the vibes I am familiar with for those characters to BE THERE too. So if I’m slow with revealing info, or writing in general, its literally because all the processing power in my skull is being used to think of how to best approach that and not just throw low quality spaghetti at a wall. (Sometimes the spaghetti method works very well, but often. It does not. And only makes things more complex in the long run, so I have learned to be more careful with it)

Dianne and Nirven are over 12 years old now as characters. That 's insane. And she still has the same core concept of how her magic works as I created it ages ago.

Same for Bei. He still has his same vibe back when I made him 10 years ago.

And Adam when I made him 9 years ago. Though I’m working out stuff for him still in this new edition, but I’ll get there. I promise.

Sooo……….. What I’m really trying to say is that I’m learning to have fun again. And at the same time (re)realizing I used to have some super swag ideas that I have never fully let go of that I am VERY adamant on keeping. And my aim is to go back to that unhinged unbridled joy of creating for a world that is just So Fucked Up but it Works somehow. And yeah, if you’ve ever been frustrated at my changes don’t worry: me fuckin’ too buddy. A thousandfold. And if you’ve ever been curious as to the why of everything, then I hope this rant serves as some sort of explanation?

So yeah, if you’re an old fan and missed old stuff, I hope I am able to do it justice once more and from now on. I promise I am trying my best, I always have been. It just works better sometimes. And if you are someone new and dont know what the fuck I’m talking about, 1. thank you for reading this far and 2. I hope you enjoy the ride regardless

And who knows…. knowing me in a few years I might see this all changed again. Or maybe this will be the one, finally, that sticks. We’ll see. At the moment like I said, I am focusing on loving my characters, their world, their and my original intentions, and just having as much fun as I can with it. If I create confusion in the process then that’s something I will have to accept. I’m not a big media corporation with a team or writers, or even just one (1) accomplished author with a huge brain. I’m not tolkien. I’m just some guy having fun with made up guys in my brain

Thank you for reading this far, if you did, if there’s anything you’d like to comment or discuss (if anything, I don’t expect it) please feel free to reply or DM me, I try to respond in a timely manner when possible <3

Thanks for sticking around too. It means the world to me that you have. Have a really good week, cheers

#thunderclap #the hollowridge disaster #i feel like i need to put it in the tag 😅 for safekeeping #drop a like if you read this if you please #it is currently two AM i should have gone to bed two hours ago but 1. i was hanging with a friend and had this mid writing #and 2. i felt like if i didnt pour my brain out I was going to toss and turn all night #anyway yeah i have a lot of baggage with this that ill never be rid of so like. i just want to do GOOD yknow? i just want to do good.#alex writes #not fiction but i do use some big boy prose I think. academic moment #errr....... im hoping this isnt a badly placed post oops. idk what i mean by that just [vague fear] idk #the mortifying ordeal of being misunderstood vs the mortifying ordeal of pouring my heart out to strangers #you know how it is

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rorimoon9597 · 6 months

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Pt 1

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Keith doesn't find out for a while. It slips his mind briefly when Shiro disappears. He doesn't have the time to think about it. Not when he's trying to find his brother.

He's reminded after Black chooses him.

"I can't be the leader. I- I'm not-"

"Keith," Lance says. He puts his hand on Keith's shoulder. It's comforting, distracting him from his tears enough that he doesn't immediately start to cry.

Keith looks up at Lance and into his eyes. They were brown this time. A deep, rich brown, like the earth after rain, with flecks of gold in them. Keith thinks that he likes Lance's eyes when they're brown, not blue.

"The black lion has chosen you to be its Paladin. I respect it's choice, and you should too," Lance tells him. Keith nods, unable to say anything because he truly thinks that he'll cry.

Keith can feel Red and Black in his mind. Black is much calmer than Red, who often burned like fire did.

She was saying goodbye, that she enjoyed having him as her Paladin but that he was truly meant to be Black's Paladin instead. Red's fire slowly disappeared, leaving him with Black, who pressed comfort into his mind.

Everyone separates after they congratulate Keith on the promotion, each person going to do what they need to do. Keith goes to the training deck, needing something to keep him occupied.

He takes down bot after bot, not caring about how long it's been, loosing himself in the comfort of being able to take out his frustration and anger on something that wasn't alive, but that he could still cut down without mercy.

Shiro wasn't there to stop him, to remind him to take care of himself, so he continued to train.

"End simulation." The program obeyed the voice. Keith turned to glare at the person who had cut his training short, only to be met with Lance standing there, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

"What do you want, Lance?" He asked. Lance was silent for a few ticks.

"You need to take a break," he simply said when he did speak. Keith rolled his eyes.

"As if I need you to mother hen me," Keith snapped. Lance just sighed.

"Your movements have been getting slower, so has your reaction time," he pointed out.

"So?"

"So, knowing you, you've been training non-stop for hours without a break, and I now have to drag you out of here kicking and screaming, so that you can shower and eat." Keith scowled.

"I'm fine," he insisted. When was Lance so observant of him?

Another sigh from Lance.

"Please, Keith. You're our leader, now, you need to be well rested so that you can carry out leader duties," Lace reasoned. Keith's Bayard changed from a sword to its simplest form.

"I never asked to be the leader. I can't... I can't lead you guys like Shiro," he said. The admission had him turning away from Lance, staring at the floor. He hadn't meant to tell Lance that, but there was something about Lance that made Keith feel comfortable enough to open up to him.

"Keith," Lance said. A hand came to rest on his back, gentle and comforting. "The point isn't to be a leader like Shiro was. The point is to step up and fill your role, even if you don't want it. Black chose you. If she didn't think that you could lead us, then she would have chosen someone else, like Allura."

"I just... This is the second time, Lance. The second time I've lost my brother. I- my mom left me when I was a baby, and then my dad died and I was left alone in the fucking foster system, then I met Shiro and he decided to give me a chance, and then I lost him when he left for Kerberos and- it hurts." The last two words were quiet. Keith realised bleakly that there were tears on his face.

Lance pulled him in for a hug.

Keith held onto him like he was his lifeline, the only thing keeping him tethered in the endless expanse of space.

"Pidge knows how you feel," Lance reminded him when he'd calmed down enough. Keith just nodded.

He left the training room behind. When he showered, he just stood there, under the water, feeling numb while Black pressed comfort into his mind. He went through the motions as if he were a robot, washing his hair, his body, and then stepping out and drying himself and getting dressed.

He didn't have anything to do, so he just... Walked. He didn't have anywhere he needed to be, so he just walked.

He ended up finding Pidge sitting in Green's hangar, typing away on something.

"Hey, Pidge," he said.

"Hey, Keith," she replied. She continued to do whatever it was she was doing.

"Mind if I sit here?"

"Go ahead, as long as you're not going to annoy me like Lance does." Keith gave a small smile at that and sat on the floor near Pidge. They were silent for a while. "It sucks, doesn't it?" She asked randomly.

"What does?"

"Shiro," came the reply. Easy and simple. Keith nodded.

"Yeah. He's... He's my brother, and this is the second time I've lost him," he told her. Pidge stood up and sat on the floor with Keith, resting her head on his shoulder. Keith rested his head on hers.

"It sucks so, so much. I just- I just want to find them. Matt and Dad." Keith understood what Lance was getting at earlier.

Go talk to someone who knows your pain, who can sympathize with you.

Keith wrapped an arm around the youngest of the group and hugged her.

"We'll find them. All of them. Shiro, Matt, your dad. We'll find them, we'll bring peace to the universe, and then we can go home and just live our lives," Keith said.

"I hope you're right." Pidge curled up further into Keith's side.

He hoped so too.

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Pt 3

#vld #voltron #didnt mean for it to be so angsty #oops oh dear never mind #lance mcclain #keith kogane #pidge holt #allura #princess allura #coran #hunk garrett #what colour are lances eyes?#the saga continues #pt2 #idk how many parts im gonna do for this #definitely multiple tho #pidge angst #keith angst

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