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mamayan · 8 months

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I'm so horny I'm sorry!!!!

Anyhoo submissive reader, dom Aizawa who has a dirty mouth. Praise/Degrading kink?. Idk, cook me a meal and I will devour it regardless🙏🏽

“You take me so well...cockdrunk already, aren't you, slut?"

(Yk who I am Yan, I'm just getting shy w my requests and I cannot stop I apologize 😭)

Never apologize for horniness on my page. That’s what we all about up in this blog 👏 I know you love your tired underpaid professor ♡

☆彡Extra Credit★彡

Aizawa Shota x Fem! Reader

TW: NSFW • Dom/Sub themes • Overstimulation • Gagging • My own laziness in tagging this

The heavy smacking against your thighs and ass was driving you delirious. The clapping of his soaked balls against your clit and belt buckle jingling leaving nothing to the imagination.

A tug on your neck has your back arching and mind going blank as your cunt tightens around the thick veiny cock of your college professor. His stripped tie you’d complimented this morning now around your neck, used almost like a leash as he fucks you stupid over his desk.

Office hours weren’t closed yet.

His pace hard and deep, tip kissing your cervix and stinging just enough to have you whining for reprieve but the drag of his cock inside too good to want to go anywhere else. “I thought you wanted extra credit?” He pulls the tie taunt as your oxygen becomes thinner, labored gasps and drooling moans becoming warbled. His hips grind his cock into you, shifting the pace and throwing your orgasm away again. “please—,” your tiny voice struggling to pronounce the word.

“You want to cum? Beg like a good little whore, maybe I’ll let you.” He drops the tie, opting to push your chest into the desk as you babble senselessly for release.

“Oh please please please, Professor Aizawa, wanna be good, wanna cum for you, cum on your cock, please please—,” he’s back to fucking you savagely, and you can’t see his mocking grin as he drives himself into you over and over. Dark eyes tracking your delicious reactions. “Go on then, cum for me kitty, milk my fucking cock.” He grunts, the strong spasms of your cunt around him nearly throwing him over the edge too. Thankfully he wasn’t so young and inexperienced.

“s’too’much—ah, no, please—,” he’s still fucking you, through your orgasm and forcing another to rise up inside of you almost painfully. You’re pathetic as you cry and writhe beneath him, and he’s forced to take your wrists and pin them behind your back with one hand to keep you still. You cum again, noisy and cute as you soak his cock and desk with your release as he moans. Doing his best to work his cock deeper somehow without coming yet. Your pussy too good to pull out of, too good to not savor.

“You take me so well…,” he slows a bit to let you breathe, “cockdrunk already, aren’t you slut?” His warm palm lightly petting your face, tapping your cheek to keep you conscious. He takes the leftover tie fabric and stuffs it sloppily into your mouth, your pliant body allowing him access to whatever he wants.

“Go ahead and bite that, I’m going to really fuck you now kitty.”

#aizawa shota #Aizawa shota x fem! reader #Aizawa shota smut #Aizawa shota x reader #Aizawa smut #bnha smut #mha smut #mha Aizawa smut #request filled #Yan loves her mooties #eraserhead

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ratedfleur · 5 months

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mommy, let me have a turn.

tags: matt is a bit of a weirdo, mommy kink, divored!reader & jock!matthew, implied age difference, car sex

okay another brainfart but yk those typical next door neighbor who moved in is a hot milf? yeah, that but with college jock!matthew… you get the idea!

he first sees you in the club in the city, drinking alone by the bar. matthew simply comes up to you and says you’re hot whilst you blatantly chuckle at him before ignoring his advances.

when you were about to go home, no taxis or ubers were around so you sat by the bus stop, sobering up not until a honk breaks your thoughts.

there goes matthew in his sport car with the hood down, a teasing smile as he looked at you.

“come on in, i have no plans to fuck you unless you want me to.”

you have no choice but to sigh and get in, a little part of you tempted to see whether he’d create advances on you because he’s hot 🤷🏻‍♀️

it goes well not until matthew’s hand rested on your thigh, being slightly interested and tipsy, you bring his hand upwards near your crotch, sighing in content when matthew cups it with his hand.

“tell me to stop.” he mutters.

“don’t” you reply before matthew swerves over to a vacant parking lot, parking the car in the darker areas before he puts the hood back on the car.

immediately he rushes into you and kisses you, hands unbuttoning your polo whilst reclining the chair.

his mouth waters when he sees parts of your bra wet, “a-are you lactating?” matthew asks, unhooking your bra, placing it beside you.

shyly, you nod. “yeah.. i had a baby a few months ago.. i understand if you don’t want to—“

“wait no, i’m fucking into it.” he says before popping a tit into his mouth, tongue flicking back and forth against your nipple before he feels specks of liquid come out, immediately lapping up your milk.

“mommy, you’re so hot..” matthew pants against your chest, groaning at the taste of your milk in his mouth.

he could go on and on, just sucking on your tit like a baby and he could come in his pants. you could feel matthew grinding against you as he sucked on your nipple, bulge growing hard underneath his pants.

you raise both legs, placing it behind his waist to press him harder against you. “g-grind on me harder, you’re gonna make me cum— fuck!” you mutter before matthew harshly started grinding against you, popping off your tit before moving onto the other.

your eyes roll back when matthew precisely grinds his hips, his bulge directly hitting your clothed pussy.

“m-more! matt, fuck me!” you whined, back arching which makes matthew have a mouthful of you.

he pulls away whilst panting, “are you that desperate? desperate to get fucked by someone who’s younger than you? i didn’t know you’re that much of a whore, mommy.” matthew says while you whimper underneath him, watching as matthew unbuttoned his pants and left it pooling at his knees.

he flips your skirt up, slipping your panties off and puts it by his seat.

“let it all out, mommy. wanna hear ya.” he mutters before pressing into you, his huge cockhead popping inside of you which makes you cry out his name.

he bottoms out, feeling overwhelmed from the heat of your pussy, he could feel you clenching over and over again around his cock, panting as you got used to his size.

matthew’s sharp eyes made you drip, his captivating eyes simply getting you weak as he impaled you.

his thrusts into you with slow and deep thrusts, hitting your spot with precision.

you gasp whenever he hits your spot, slowly coming near the edge.

“‘m sorry, ‘m gonna cum..” you pant, feeling matthew thrust into you harder, balls slapping against your ass.

he moans, hand pushing your thighs down, putting you in a mating press that has you squirming underneath him. your walls grip him tighter, a blissful whine coming out of you when matthew moans your name, both nearing the edge.

“cum cum cum.. gonna cum, make me a mommy—“ you whine before cumming around matthew’s girthy dick, a ring of cum forming at his base as he plowed into you harder.

“you’re g-gonna let me come inside? make you a mommy again? f-fuck y/n.. you’re sucking me in— fuck!” matthew curses as he buries himself deep inside of you, shooting ropes of cum inside you.

and that’s the beginning of calling matthew up whenever you need to cum, finding it difficult to make yourself cum after matthew fucked you in that parking lot. gladly, matthew would come over and fuck you in every room in the house, including your ex husband’s study.

#mikha’s works.#zb1 #zerobaseone #zb1 smut #kpop smut #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 hard hours #zb1 matthew #matthew x reader #matthew smut

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elliereject · 7 months

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creep .1

* in which you’re dragged to a frat party and spend most of it lingering in the corner, that is until a certain auburn-haired girl with unusually sharp canines appears next you and turns your night into something much more interesting.

* loserish!reader, vamp!ellie 😫, hemophilia if you squint, creepy ellie…duh, depictions of a singular graphic scene at the end, kissing, biting, heavy petting. that’s pretty much it lmk if I missed anything..nsfw in future chapter(s)

* this is one of the only things I’ve written recently that I’ve enjoyed writing and found decent so I hope u enjoy it, I’m glad I got this out before Halloween too, I’ve had vamp!ellie rattling around in my head a for a while, yk, fellow writers..I’d love to see..werewolf!abby..haha jk jk, unless 🫣..

*mdni

wc ~ 1k

pt 2. coming soon

“God, ★ can you go dance? It’s a fucking party loosen up!”

You held your red solo cup up to your “friend” and gave her an awkward smile. “I’m good over here!”

She sighed and rolled her eyes before slipping back into the sweaty crowd.

This was the most uncomfortable you’ve ever felt in your life.

It was a Saturday night; the chilly air, crunchy leaves, and overall mood of the season had deluded you into wanting to go out and socialize, so for the first time in a long time you agreed to attend a frat party with a “friend” you’d met in one of your classes.

It took you almost an hour to get ready, and as you reapplied your eyeliner for the fifth time you hoped that the saying “when you look good, you feel good” was true and you didn’t spend 20 minutes picking your outfit in vain.

Once you were ready, your “friend” picked you up from your dorm and the two of you walked over to the party, she was already a little tipsy from pre-gaming in her dorm with her roommate who was going to some other party so you had to make sure she didn’t stumble onto her face more than once.

The makeshift bouncer, a senior named Grey, or Grug or something gave you a once-over before looking at your friend who had to clarify you were with her, which definitely didn’t deflate your confidence.

Before you were even in the crowded, humid house, you knew you weren’t going to enjoy yourself, you never really did at parties if you were being honest, but you didn’t think your “friend” would ditch you to go grind her ass on some random chads and brads, yet here you were, nursing a cherry seltzer, and there she was, shaking ass.

Yay, college!

You were about to take another sip from your cup when a presence suddenly appeared beside you that made you jump out of your skin and caused your drink to slosh onto the already sticky floor.

“Shit! What the fuck?” You asked, looking up at the figure who seemingly appeared out of thin air.

“Fuck! Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, you just looked bored.” She replied, her voice was gravelly and her eyes, the colour of jade. Her auburn hair was cut short and freckles were scattered across her face. Safe to say she was hot. “I can go get you another drink?”

You waved it off, “It’s fine, it wasn’t that good anyways. Plus I should probably pay more attention to my surroundings, even if I am bored.”

She hummed out a sound of understanding, “Not your scene?”

You shrugged, “Not really,” you eyed her outfit, blue jeans with a green flannel and a brown leather jacket, converse. “Doesn’t seem like yours either.”

“Really? Cause I like just made out with Bryson in the storage closet, it was suuuupper hot.” She said, pointing a ringed finger to a blond dude clad in a football jersey who was currently shoving his tongue down a blonde girl's throat.

You allowed yourself a small smile, hot and funny? Yikes.

“Pretty sure his name is Brickson, but close enough.”

“What the fuck kind of name is Brickson?” She laughed, “Did a brick fall on his head after he was born or some shit?”

You shrugged before smiling, fully, “Judging by how flat the top of his looks? Probably.”

She snorted at this and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, you made this hot, funny, cool girl laugh, you!

“Hey, so don’t freak out but that guy’s been staring at you for the past 10 minutes.” She said, flicking her head in the direction of said guy.

You turned your head to look at him, he wasn’t..unattractive. He was muscular and had on a sports jersey that seemed to small for his build, his hair was cut into a messy mullet and when he met your gaze he…winked.

You cringed and looked back at the cool girl, “I hope he doesn’t think anything’s gonna happen, he’s not really my type.”

She gave you a knowing smile before asking, “And what exactly is your type?”

You shrugged, “Preferably someone with boobs.”

She sighed, “Can’t relate, I love penis.”

You gave her a pointed look and she laughed, “What? Not believable?”

You rolled your eyes, “Not in the slight—“ your eyes widened as they looked past her shoulder. “Shit, he’s walking over here.”

“Wanna do something crazy then?” She asked quickly, her jade eyes meeting yours and you found yourself nodding before she even finished her sentence. Hell, you’d bark if she asked you to. “Just follow my lead.”

Her large hand wrapped around your waist while her other found purchase on your neck, before you could think her lips were on yours. Slightly chapped but soft and enticing, kissing her was easy and you felt like you could do it forever.

Her skin was so cold you could feel it through your clothes. Your mind was completely encapsulated by her presence and just as you were starting to get used to it, she pulled away.

You thought whatever moment the two of you shared was over but you were wrong. Her lips trailed along your jaw, and her grip on your waist tightened. The hand that had been holding your neck was now on your hip, caressing back and forth with tenderness that had your thighs clenching, wanting more.

Each kiss felt like a snowflake melting into your skin until she was down to your neck. She kissed and nibbled on it before pausing.

“What’s wr—Ow! What the hell? Did you just–bite me?”

She chuckled after pulling away, “Never gotten a hickey before?”

You went quiet, because, well you haven’t but you’re sure it didn’t result in genuine blood trickling out of one’s body.

You traced your fingers over the mark and winced, it was most definitely going to leave a scar. She must’ve seen the discontentment on your face because she spoke up.

“Don’t worry, it’ll heal up quickly, you won’t even notice there was something there by tomorrow.” Her eyes clung to drops of blood dribbling down your neck.

You scoffed, “Let me guess, you’ve done this before?”

“Kind of.” She shrugged after what looked like reluctantly peeling her eyes away from your neck. “That guy’s gone though, must’ve scared him off.”

You smiled at her, “Must’ve been my presence, I can be pretty intimidating.”

She laughed loudly at this and you felt your confidence inflate once again. So much so, that the idea of asking for her number even popped into your head. But it was overtaken by more rational thoughts,

What if she thought you were weird? That you were moving to quick? Or what if she was just looking for someone to take home tonight, which you wouldn’t be opposed to but—

“Hey.” She snapped her fingers in front of your face.

“Sorry, what’d you say?” You asked sheepishly, you can’t believe you spaced out in front of her, you could’ve sworn she was hypnotizing you with her laugh or something.

“You do need to pay more attention to your surroundings,” She said, giving you a small smile, “Never know what kind of creeps are lurking around at these parties.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure I can hold my own against a Chad or a Brittney.”

“I’m sure you could but—“ The music that had previously been wafting through the room turned up abruptly and you’d missed the last part of what she said.

“What?!” You shouted, putting your hand up to cup your ear.

She chuckled softly and leaned down so her lips were practically grazing the shell of your ear, the smell of mint, whiskey, and something metallic filled your senses.

When she spoke, a shiver racked through your body, “But if it was someone a little smarter? More discreet? If they snuck up beside you and covered your mouth? Or slipped something in your drink? Pulled you away? Would anybody notice, would anybody care?”

You pushed her away, her cool, easy going demeanor suddenly shifting into something eerie and uncomfortable. Her jade eyes gazed at you curiously as a blood-curdling shriek ripped through the house.

She jutted her thumb over her shoulder, “That’s my cue. See you around, ★.” She said, giving you a genuine smile, and it was just now you finally noticed her unusually sharp canines.

You gazed down at your drink as others pushed and shoved around, scrambling to get out of the house, away from all the horror.

And as you pulled a small scrap of paper out of your empty cup, 10 numbers and a name scrawled across it in red ink; you finally looked up to see your friend's lifeless body sprawled across the living room floor, her limbs bent in odd angles.

Yay, college!

#ellie au #ellie fic #ellie smut #ellie angst #ellie fluff #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #vampire!ellie #loser!reader #jennifersbodyesque?#tlou fanfiction

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scuderiahoney · 5 days

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hi lovey!

ik requests are closed, but im desperate for frat boy max after the pics from this weekend… so instead of requesting, im bringing a lil bite sized frat boy max to you!

nsfw concept tho, so please just stop reading and delete if it makes u feel uncomfy! ik ur page says 18+ content, but i still wanted to give u a lil disclaimer.

—

in motion has me in a chokehold (i keep rereading it. obsessed) so he’s a mix of college hockey boy and frat boy. he’s driven, as usual, and hyper focused on his performance, so i dont see him being a fuckboy—it would take too much effort and time for him— but he’s definitely a tease yk?

they’d have their parties and there’d be a group of girls that flock to him each time. he’d flirt, he’d have his fun, but in the end he’d stick to his boys.

but then, at one party, he sees this one girl and she’s fucking stunning. and he wants her. she plays into his flirting. they get touchier throughout the night. he finds it fun to lowkey manhandle her, moving her around the frat with his hands on her hips.

and i keep thinking about frat boy max and his fucking backwards hat and it’s literally driving me FERAL. maybe at one point, she takes his hat off his head and puts it on (backwards obviously)… and it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. bc she’s gorgeous and it’s his hat and the lil possessive gremlin in his brain goes ‘mine’.

there’s people all around them. the kitchen is crowded, but he doesn’t care. he’s got her pressed against the counters, one arm wrapped around her, his other hand on the countertop boxing her in. lips locked, her hands are tugging at his messy hat hair and he’s groaning into her mouth. he starts kissing down her neck, getting more and more into it as he feels her hot breath against his ear. he slips a thigh between her legs and he guides her to rub against him. the moment he hears a moan slip past her lip, he gives in entirely and is practically dragging her upstairs to his room.

he can’t even make it to his bed. he’s got her into his room and pressed her against the door. pulls her top down so her tits spill out over the top and mouths at them as she grinds against him. he’s made it his goal to mark her up as much as possible.

but when she sinks down to her knees in front of him and looks up at him, fiddling with his belt and zipper, with his fucking backwards cap on her head? bro, he’s done for. she hasn’t even gotten her mouth on him yet, but she’s the prettiest fucking thing he’s ever seen and he’s made up his mind. she’s his now. he’ll do anything.

his actions are entirely oxymoronic. he’s fucking her face while he’s gently caressing her jaw and cheekbone with his thumb. he brushes her hair out of her face so it falls behind her shoulders, but then has a strong grip on the back of her neck when he realises the hat doesn’t let him hold her hair in a ponytail. whispering the dirtiest shit to her, but always calling her his pretty girl, or baby, or love.

he desperately wants to cinch his eyes shut and throw his head back bc ‘omg her mother feels like velvet’ but he feels like he physically cannot look away from her.

she ends up riding him as he’s propped up against his headboard. he can’t keep his hands off her, shifting from her ass to her hips, her waist, her tits, her throat, her clit, her thighs—he can’t choose.

he keeps the hat on her head through all of it. it’s only when she collapses onto his chest once she’s spent that he takes the hat off and throws it somewhere in the room. he rakes his hands through her hair, plants a kiss on her forehead. her entire body is flushed; she’s panting into the crook of his neck. there will be fingertip bruises on her hips in the morning, and the hickies across her neck and chest are already blossoming a deep red.

yeah, she’s the prettiest sight he’s ever seen. and he’s not letting her go. (well, only when he goes to get his hat a few minutes later. he wants her wearing it as he goes down on her til she can’t take any more.)

—

lmao. went a bit insane mb. what can i say, frat boy max drives me mad. hope u like :) sorry if it was a lot haha

love u! hope ur taking care of urself.

love, 🚀

OMG pls do not apologize!!! hot hot hot hot hot!!!

all the frat boy coded pics of max have had me drooooooooling you have no idea!! & this really hit the spot for me oh my god thank you so much. he WOULD be so touchy & so possessive

bonus points for him not usually being a ‘relationship’ guy but he falls hard for her bc there’s just something so enticing ab her. he gives her one of his hoodies to wear afterwards & just falls even more

#box box #anon #🚀 anon

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erin-bo-berin · 2 years

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hi erin! i have a little request and it just hit me like an epiphany- and yk when those hit and your whole mind becomes occupied with it and starts imagining scenarios- yea like that,, so in this little epiphany-request it’s a little angsty but fluffy and it’s if steve and reader had a messy break up that caused her to move away for college or something, probably after vecna when steve maybe started drawing himself closer to nancy and reader saw it, and maybe that night there was a big blow up argument and the six little nugget topic w nancy came up in it, and they break up. then reader makes a choice to move to college to get a hold of herself, and maybe a year later she comes back for the holidays ‘cause the kids and robin have been pestering her for a while, and when she comes back all the kids + robin, and eddie who didn’t die cause im not mean like the duffer bros, plan a movie night or something and steve hasn’t been told anything so he’s obviously upset and like “why are all of you going together without me?” and he’s arguing cause he’s a big of a territorial bean when it come to his kids, and then after a while max gets rlly annoyed and starts yelling at him for driving her big sister figure out of town and not letting them enjoy a day with her, and he kinda just goes mum because holy shit she’s back and he has half a mind to run to her house -that he drives past every day ignoring the pain in his heart- and beg for your forgiveness ‘cause you left. you left and he didn’t realize how badly he needed you- and idk if this makes sense but maybe when they see each other they just stare and go like the shy hi’s? bonus if reader kept a necklace or smth that he gave him cause he’s just staring at it and he’s gonna burst into tears I know it.

gasps because that made my mind breathless- and like all my requests this is very chaotic ‘cause my thoughts are like dreams, if I don’t pen them down I forget! and i hate that,, please ignore this if you don’t like it and congratulations once more on 5k!! your steve x single!mom verse changed the steve fics for everyone <3 🪐

Gah thank you! I’m really loving this request by the way. This is gonna be so cute and fluffy by the end BUT WAIT there’s gonna be angst of course!

This was just the perfect gif for this LOOK AT THAT PUPPY DOG FACE

All Roads Lead To You

Steve Harrington x Reader

Voices were raised, doors were slammed and hearts were broken that fateful night.

“I have eyes, Steve!” you shouted, “I see how you look at her!”

“Y/N, it’s not like that, I promise!” Steve pleaded with you.

“You told her you saw yourself having kids with her!” you screamed.

When his mouth opened and closed, unable to deny it, you laughed bitterly. Tears were stinging your eyes, but you refused to cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve your tears.

“Yeah. Nancy told me. At least someone has the decency to tell me the truth.”

You were angry and hurt. You wanted Steve to hurt as much as you were. You’d spent the entire week watching your boyfriend with his ex-girlfriend. There was still something there, as much as it pained you to admit it. A person would have to be blind to miss that.

“You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?” you whispered.

His eyes, looking as defeated as you felt.

“I’m with you though, Y/N.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” you said, pressing your lips together in a tight line.

You were practically grinding your teeth to a dust to try and keep from crying. You weren’t enough for Steve if he apparently was still in love with Nancy.

“I don’t know if I am, okay?”

He threw his hands up in exasperation.

“It’s not like I’ve cheated on you! I never would!”

You knew he was right, but this was almost worse. How much lower can one feel when they find out that the person they love doesn’t love you the same? You told him just as much.

“But it’s almost worse, Steve. How would you feel if you watched me getting close to my ex again? Probably like a knife to the heart, huh?”

He was quiet again.

“You basically admitted you wanted to marry her!”

“I know, I know. It just…came out,” he winced.

“Oh that’s rich,” you huffed, “Let me just go find Eddie and profess my undying love to him while we’re at it.”

“That’s not fair and you know it,” he scowled.

“Well now you know how I feel,” you crossed your arms, glaring at him, “Not to mention she’s in a relationship too, Steve! How is that fair to her either?”

“I don’t know, okay? I wasn’t really thinking,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Be honest with me. Have you ever really be invested in this relationship or was I just a distraction from her?”

“How could you even think that? You know I love you!” Steve grimaced.

“It’s hard to tell anymore,” you frowned, crossing your arms, looking away from him.

Just when you thought he couldn’t shatter your heart anymore, he succeeded in doing just that.

“Maybe…maybe we should see other people,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah. Maybe we should,” you replied bitterly.

That is how the best relationship you’d ever had came to a horrifying, heartbreakingly abrupt ending.

•

You ended up moving away for college after your split from Steve. It hurt way too much to stay in Hawkins, having to run into him.

You have no idea what happened with him and Nancy. She was dating Jonathan after all, but who knows? Not that you cared. You threw yourself into studying, into parties, into work, anything that would help you forget about Steve, forget about Hawkins.

Summer break was coming up soon and you still hadn’t figured out your plans yet. Your roommate had invited you to vacation with her and her family, but you hated to be an imposition.

One phone call changed your course though.

You were studying for finals and had come to a much needed place for a break when the phone in your dorm rang. Your eyes were aching and had began to cross from staring at your text books for so long. You sighed in relief, even grateful for a telemarketer at this point.

Leaning across your bed, you grabbed the receiver, bringing it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Well, look who’s alive!”

You smiled at the familiar, teasing lilt of your friend Robin.

“Hey, Robin,” you smiled, sitting back against your pillows.

“You don’t call, you don’t write, I’m starting to feel insulted, Y/N!” came a voice from the background.

You laughed, hearing Eddie’s complaints.

“I haven’t called for two weeks, not two years,” you chastised him.

“It’s been too long either way,” Robin said, “Oh the kiddos want to say hi.”

“Hi!”

“Y/N I miss you!”

“Come home already!”

“Hi Y/N!”

A chorus of mixed voices were faint over the line, but by the volume, you assumed that Robin had held the receiver up for the group.

“Hi guys,” you chuckled, “Tell them I miss them too.”

“She says she misses you guys too,” you heard Robin say, “Not sure why when you drive us crazy here.”

You laughed again, feeling a pang of homesickness. As much hurt that Hawkins had left you with, you missed the great group of friends you had. You’d especially missed the phone calls lately.

“Two weeks though? I was going insane thinking you died or something!” Robin exclaimed dramatically.

“I’m sorry, finals are coming up and I’ve been cramming for them. I’ve been living in either a state of stress or exhaustion when I’m not studying or sleeping.”

“You’ll ace them, I know it,” Robin replied, sounding certain, “Besides, then you can come home to us!”

You fingered the necklace that you always wore, even now. It was a simple heart locket that rested coolly against your skin as if it always belonged there. Steve had given it to you for your one year anniversary. You didn’t have the strength to part with it and the comfort it brought you to still wear it was surprising, considering you tried hard not to think about Steve.

“I don’t know…” you hedged, “I haven’t quite figured out what I’m going to do for summer break. My roommate invited me to go to Tahiti with her and her family.”

“Well Tahiti doesn’t have us, missy.”

You could hear the sass in her voice and it made you chuckle.

“That’s true.”

“Do I have to call in reinforcements to convince you to come home?”

You didn’t even have a chance to respond before you heard the chorus of voices pleading and begging with you.

“Please!” Max and El.

“Yes come home we miss you!” Dustin.

“Hawkins sucks with out you!” Lucas.

“I think I forget what you even look like, it’s been so long.” Mike.

“Please come home for the summer?” Will.

“Honestly, who’s gonna keep this kids in line if it isn’t you?” Eddie.

Robin knew your weak spot, that’s for sure.

“Well?” Robin pressed, coming back on the line.

“Okay, okay. I guess I’m coming home for summer break,” you relented.

You had to hold the receiver away from your ear at the shrieks and whoops of joy that came from the other end.

“You won’t regret it, I promise,” you could hear the smile in Robin’s voice.

“Hey, Robin? Could I talk to you alone for a moment?”

You heard her murmur something to the others and you heard a door click, so you assumed she’d moved to a more private place.

“If you’re going to ask how Steve is, he’s the same as always.”

You sighed.

“I’m that predictable, huh?”

“Pretty much,” she answered baldly.

“As much as I hate it, I still care about him,” you replied glumly.

“You don’t hate it, Y/N,” Robin said gently, “Honestly, I’d be more concerned if you didn’t care about him still.”

“Is he…seeing anyone?” you asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Out of the handful of times you’d asked Robin how Steve had been doing, you’d never asked if he was dating. But now, knowing you were returning to Hawkins in a few short weeks, you found yourself curious. You told yourself you were just preparing for the worst in case you ended up seeing him with Nancy or worse, another girl.

“If you mean Nancy, nah. That never happened. She’s still with Jonathan,” she answered nonchalantly, like she was giving you the latest weather report, “And before you ask, there’s no other girl either. He’s practically turned into a monk and it’s weird.”

You didn’t know how to digest all that information, so you did what you did best: ignore it.

“How’s work going?” you asked her, twirling the cord of the phone around your finger.

“If you think I didn’t notice your swift change of subject, I did. But since you’re my best friend, I’ll overlook it,” she huffed, “It’s going alright. Nothing exciting.”

You spent the next hour on the phone chatting with her about anything and everything. By the time you’d hung up the phone, your wariness about returning to Hawkins had dissipated.

It would do you good to see your friends.

•

It was Friday night and Steve couldn’t find any of his friends anywhere.

Nor could he get ahold of them.

He’d tried all the usual spots after he’d closed up after his shift at Family Video. He tried the mall, the arcade, the diner, even the Wheeler’s house—where the gang usually congregated. No luck.

Before he’d left work, he’d tried calling Robin. Then Eddie. Then Dustin. He even tried the Sinclair’s house and Max. Either they didn’t pick up or their respective families had told him they weren’t there.

He was absolutely mystified, especially when he found them all at Dustin’s house, having a movie night. Without him.

He was trying not to be hurt as he loved movie night with his friends.

“What are all you guys doing here and why didn’t I get an invite?” he frowned, “Also, I called you before I left work and you didn’t answer!”

He pointed an accusatory finger at Dustin who shrugged.

“Sorry, dude. We just got here.”

“Where have you been?” Steve asked, glancing around at them.

They all avoided his gaze and his suspicions rose.

“We had some errands to run,” Eddie shrugged, nonchalantly.

“Errands,” Steve repeated, dubiously.

They all gave him noncommittal shrugs and grunts.

“So were you just going to casually forget to invite me for movie night?” he folded his arms over his chest, giving them what they teasingly called his parental glare.

“We couldn’t, okay?” Lucas said, shrugging.

He was even more confused.

“What do you mean you couldn’t?”

“We promised we wouldn’t,” Robin clarified, though it cleared up nothing at all for him.

“Because we wanted to spend a night with Y/N and she wouldn’t have come if you were here,” Max snapped, fire in her eyes, “I haven’t seen her in a year, none of us have and I’ll be dammed if I let you ruin me seeing the best big sister I’ve never have just because you were an asshole that broke her heart. You may have suffered, but so have we because we miss our friend.”

His head was reeling. You were here? In Hawkins? How did he not know that?

“She’s here?” he asked, finding it hard to breathe.

“Well not yet, but-”

Dustin’s reply was cut off by the sound of the front door shutting.

“Sorry I’m late guys! I stopped by the store to grab some boxes of popcorn so we can-”

Your words faltered as quickly as you froze in place, seeing who was standing in the middle of the Henderson’s living room. You’d been insistent that you didn’t want to see Steve, but now that he was here…you were kinda glad.

Steve’s heart stopped. He was sure of it. There was no oxygen reaching his brain or his lungs. Nothing mattered but seeing you. You looked incredible, like you always did. You had that effortless beauty that he loved because you never truly grasped how beautiful he thought you were—are. Your lips were parted in a surprised “oh”, but the word never made its way past your lips.

My god, your lips. He missed them so much. Obviously he missed you in general, but he never realized how for granted he took the kisses shared with you. Whether it was gentle, passionate kisses, searing, desire filled ones or even the perfunctory peck when leaving or arriving, he realized more than ever in that moment how much he missed kissing you.

Apparently, he’d lost the ability to speak as well as he just stared, dumbfounded at you. You hadn’t changed much in a year, though your hair was now shorter, like you’d just recently cut it. He loved it, it brought even more attention to your pretty face.

You had an obscene amount of microwave popcorn boxes in the grocery bags in your hands—then again with this crowd it was like feeding 50 people, not eight.

“Hi,” you whispered, still stunned by his presence.

“Hi,” he whispered back.

He wanted to tell you that he regretted breaking up with you.

He wanted to tell you that he missed you so fucking much.

He wanted to tell you that letting you go was the worst thing he ever did, that he needed you in his life, by his side, so much.

He wanted to tell you how many times he’d drove past your house in the last year, pain slicing his chest like an ice blade ripping it open. He knew it was all his fault you were gone, but somehow, driving by your house was as peaceful as it made him full of sorrow. While you’d been gone, that’d been all he had left of you, that small sliver.

But now, here you were and he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.

When his eyes landed on the silver heart locket on your chest, he lost all pretenses of holding it together as tears sprung to his eyes. You’d kept the necklace he’d given you. You were still wearing it.

His eyes met yours and you saw the realization in his. He saw the affirmation in yours. You’d kept wearing his necklace around your neck, quite literally a symbol of you still having his heart.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said hesitantly, “I have a lot of things to say that I think you should hear.”

You said nothing, but it was the small smile that gave him hope. He would hold on to that thread for as long as it took you because if he was ever lucky enough to win you back, he was never going to let you go again.

After all, somehow, your road had led you back to him.

#steve harrington #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fic #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things blurb #stranger things angst #stranger things fluff

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firefoxxies101 · 2 months

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y'all i took a little break from ao3 because i was busy...now I look and there's three more chapters in @dipplinduo's S&SD 😭😭😭

it's good to be back on that grind yk...that- that book report that's longer than a college paper grindset... *quietly sobs in the corner*

#sweet and sour dipplins #dipplinduo #dipplinshipping #i chose this #im fine dw yall #maybe this will inspire me to make those vines!!

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anxiousgaypanicking · 2 months

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Sanders Sides: Miscellaneous Smut Masterlist! (Part Two)

The kinks, ships, and prompts listed for each post so you can know what you want to read (in case the titles aren't descriptive enough)!

(Listed in order of oldest to newest!) (And how they're formatted on my AO3)

Part One

1. Rules + Info + Requests

2. Chapter Summaries

3. Payment: DRLAMP (Janus x Remus x Logan x Virgil x Patton x Roman), Sex, Double Penetration, Riding, Handjobs, Face Fucking, Degradation, Tears, Spit Prompt: Can you do one with Bottom Sub Patton x Everyone where he just likes to pay with sex

4. Video Games: Dukexiety (Remus x Virgil), Exhibition, Sex Prompt: Smaller person (likely Virgil), and bigger person (likely Remy or Remus.) Of course they play video games, however, Virgil wants attention and R won't give it to him because "but video games, babe!" So, Virgil ride's R while he plays video games. Probably in a voice chat too.

5. Vulnerable: Logicality (Logan x Patton), Sex, Breeding Speak, A/B/O Dynamics, Hickeys Prompt: Hurt comfort and a/b/o where Patton(Alpha) and Logan(Alpha) have been married for a while and lately they've finally started to have sex because Patton grew up in a very traditional family and he has a hard time submitting to Logan without feeling shameful and humiliating. Logan realizes and softly helps Pat into sub space. Top!Logan and bottom!Patton. Plus points if Logan's a sweet husband

6. Bug: Intruloceit (Remus x Logan x Janus), Vore, Detailed Digestion, Sex, Felching Prompt: Plsplspls intruloceit vore

7. Boob Job: Loceit (Logan x Janus), Nipple Play, Oversensitivity, Humping, Dacryphilia Prompt: Maybe Janus would even have to press his pecs together and fuck the fat tits Logan essentially has.

8. Home Alone: Demus (Janus x Remus), Toys, Plugs, Hair Pulling, Thigh Fucking Prompt: A roommate who constantly makes noise like he's getting off/fucked and like, lays in bed twitching like he's got somethin in his ass, so what happens when someone buys him a thrusting/vibrating dildo/plug via amazon and it shows up when he's home alone? Does he use it alone? Does he get caught by the roommate who bought it? That day? Eventually? Ever? Pairing of your choice

9. Assume: Intruality (Remus x Patton), Sex, Degradation, Restraints, Spanking Prompt: Could you maybe do something with intruality where Patton's like assumed by everyone that he has no idea what sex is while Remus is the opposite and no one knows how they're together. And behind closed doors Patton's really dominant and dirty, his pure an innocent act is all fake and he loves putting Remus in his place, tying him up, spanking him and degrading him until he's begging for Patton to fuck him

10. Human Need: Logicality (Logan x Patton), Sex, Breeding Kinks, Cockwarming Prompt: How about some logicality with Logan having a breeding kink and denying it and Patton telling him he has a breeding kink (and that's okay) but Logan keeps insisting it's just his 'human need to reproduce, so of course he'd want to get the person he loves pregnant.' and Patton's just like 'yeah, okay, sure.' top Logan and bottom Pat

11. At Long Last: Dukexiety (Remus x Virgil), Voodoo, Sex, Felching Prompt: Hey mate so I'm a sucker for Virgil being rendered helpless and overstimulated so like could I put a request in for Virgil × Remus with Remus finally getting a hold of Virgil's voodoo doll?/Remus finally getting a hold of Virgil's voodoo doll?

12. Spring Break: Anxceit (Virgil x Janus), Feederism, Handjobs, Blowjobs, Finger Sucking Prompt: Any case I can get more feederism my way? Maybe sub! V and dom!pat or jan or both yk- Dom is worried sub isn't eating enough bc busy college life and decides durin a spring vacation or smtg to have a feedin session to fix it :D

13. Begging For Your Body: Intruality (Remus x Patton), Sex, Overstimulation, Grinding Prompt: Intruality with soft!dom Patton and bottom Remus. The main plot of this would be that maybe Remus was feeling down, having intrusive thoughts (as he does), specifically about his body image, and Patton is there to comfort him and love up on him <3. Kinks are praise, grinding, begging (from the dom perspective, (ex: "Please, Please let me make you feel good, baby?"), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, and a lot of pet names-)

14. Aftercare: Analogical (Virgil x Logan), Sex, Bondage, Degradation, Choking Prompt: I'm a sucker for big aftercare- especially after something like a brutal scene with a partner lol Analogical Kinks: Choking, praise, degrading and bondage- but ending with explicit aftercare? For the base storyline do whatever you wish! Have free-range :))

15. Cock Snack: Analoceitmus (Virgil x Logan x Janus x Remus), Micro/Macro, Oral Play, Cock Vore, Restraints, Cum Digestion, Sex, Fingering, Edging, Crying Prompt: P. 3 of c vore fic?

#sanders sides #sanders sides smut #not safe for sanders #agp smut #logicality smut #intrulogical smut #roceit smut #intruality smut #demus smut #loceit smut #dukexiety smut #DRLAMP smut

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subskz · 1 year

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One more Hannie ask for the soul bc... yk why not

Yes, Han always wants a kiss; a big ole smooch if you will... but yk one other habit of his?

Randomly sticking his tongue out.

Now, it's got the little critter on the wheel running my brain going and thinking abt him with just a huge oral fixation; OH PUPPYBOY HANJI (instant thought that popped into my head at that moment oh bother)

Dumb pup who is just eager to please; him eating you out but kicking his legs like so:

(Literally idk how to describe that action, but you get the idea)

~~~

Heyyy, hope alls been well Rin :) i'm getting my first tattoo on the fifth so I'm stoked for that.

I'm personally writing my own larger skz college au that may or may not ever see the light of day (i have not written a single word of it, but the lore building is there) so we are having fun with that lmao

Now... I'm curious (and nosey) if you like any other kpop groups or have some other faves besides the resident babygirls.?

(I can't even make a: "I've never seen Changbin and Me in the same room" joke bc I have been in the same area, lmao; that being said... 👀 who's to say)

thank you for providing for the hannielovers amidst this chan frenzy 🙏 you pointing out how often he sticks his tongue out is an extremely distressing piece of information for me…i fear jisung is never beating the oral fixation allegations

he really is just like a puppy waiting for his treat he lets it hang all the way out, it’s so cute 😭 kicking his feet while eating you out has gotta be the most hannie thing i’ve ever heard in my life oh my god…he gets to satisfy his need to work his mouth and please you in the process!! i think he’d absolutely be the type to get so turned on while giving head that he ends up grinding against the mattress without even realizing it

thank u for checking my dearest pink! it’s been a bit of a busy week but i’m doing well, i hope u are too <3 and a tattoo HELLOO that’s so exciting!! can i ask what ur planning on getting? (if you’d rather keep it private ofc no worries 💗) i hope ur appointment goes as smoothly and painlessly as possible!!

AND WHAT’S THIS? 🫢 that makes me so happy to hear omg please let me know if you decide to share it!! you know i will be first in line to eat up that good soup 🍽 i’m glad ur having fun w it hehe college aus are a guilty pleasure of mine, they’re always a blast~

hmm skz are the only group i’ve ever been invested in, but i do listen to a few other casually!! mostly loona, day6, and itzy (i think wonpil and chaeryeong are super cute) and i know very little abt her, but wonyoung from ive is so pretty too ♡ how abt you!

LMFAO in that case there may be some cloning activity going on here…i’m onto you!! don’t tell me you’ve been lying all this time and your birthday was august 11th instead of march 11th 😽

#pink #ask #💌 hannie #long post #that myscene gif brought back memories 😭 i miss that site

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ketavinsky · 4 days

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advice for 19 year olds?

hmmmm heres some stuff from myself and from observations of ppl i knew at 19

im not sure if this will apply to you mate, but when i was 18 i was really fighting to fit in a certain sort of hierarchy and be a certain sort of person. i didnt let go of that when i left my childhood home and i wish i had. dont perform to the standards of your birdcage

take care of the body you have. i didnt want to live at 19 and i did some shit to myself that i now sincerely regret. dont live for the future but dont punish yourself for shit that happened in the past yk

if youre 19 and living in dorms or college or halls of residence, dont shit where you eat. i was in a hall of residence, i witnessed this time and time again, just not worth the stress im ngl

try not to live in a snowglobe

try not to live in a lab. im guilty of this now and at 19. spent more time analysing people to bridge the gap between us than trying to actually interact with them. on the plus side i write about it now but, still. i think it helps to remember that youre making your life with each breath and step and people around you are your peers not your specimens

seek to understand everyone without needing to take them apart. be open. the world is so huge you know. theres so much to see and listen to

dont get into a serious relationship. or go ahead and lose yourself in people but idk, i figure 19 is too young to be gunning for the person that could make it all better for you forever

tell your friends you love them all the time regardless of context or consequence. youll wish you had, honest. treat every stranger as a friend to be

i really dont think you have to grind at first yesr undergrad lol but im not gonna encourage you to slack off and do fuck all just keep in mind i tried way too hard at undergrad and burnt out in sem1 of postgrad and dropped out lol

do everything you possibly can while you have the time but dont feel guilty for resting yknow. volunteer for things whenever you can.

dont fucking buy shein

write poetry about what it was like to be younger. it's important that you decide how you felt about all of it before someone decides for you

be weirder than you think appropriate

there is a limit to how far you should go for free drugs and it depends on you but you gotta trust your instinct. tbh i could do a whole paragraph on substance related advice but . when your gut tells you to get outta there gtfo. dont mix lsd and alcohol. share but dont be taken advantage of. if someone cuts you a line and it stings when you snort it's ket not coke and you should find a place to sit down.

theres so much to be excited about and so much to love. be good to yourself so you can see as much as you can

#dellete #anonymous

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southern--downpour · 10 months

Note

i'd be really curious about your thoughts on 14 if you wanna

14. How has your art changed over the years?

oooooooh boy time to pull out some ancient art (this might be long. i am long winded sometimes and have been drawing since i was like 7)

tl;dr ive gotten a LOT farther in the past two years than i ever thought i couldve and im very happy about it also i post a bunch of old art under the cut

up until literally last year i was 100% self taught (not counting high school art classes bc those did nothing) so i feel like the quality of my art has SKYROCKETED in since like 2021 lmao

this is all from like.... middle school i think? used to draw on either a sketchbook w/ colored pencils + fineliners or on a janky nextbook that hated my guts

eventually got an intuos and an ACTUAL laptop that ALSO hated my guts in high school and then covid hit and i did not stop drawing the entire fucking time lmao so i feel like there was a big jump here

(if you recognize that first one i am so sorry i wll not be finishing that project) this is ALSO right when i got obsessed with DSMP and OH FUCKING GOD did that effect my art! i started drawing backgrounds and comics all the fucking time and while i will gladly tell you it was the worst fandom ive been in for my mental health i also was able to churn out stuff like every damn day so pros and cons yk (also got another tablet upgrade huion kamvas 13 my beloved)

eventually said fuck that around the time i graduated and started college and finally got in person classes! but i was in the art department building more often than my own dorm!! i had multiple days where i spent almost 12 hours straight in there!! i went a bit crazy!!! but it was worth it bc look at this

(that first one is i think 11 x 17 and done in colored pencils. it won first place in my college art gallery's drawing category but it cost me my sanity and three weeks of my time) but anyways the solid year i spent grinding out drawing assignments definitely payed off bc im more happy w/ my art than i have been in years

def couldve gotten here on my own i think but in person art classes were so good they might cost my sanity but being in a room 24/7 w/ a great teacher and really really skilled classmates definitely has been the height of my college experience so far (my teacher from last year fucking left though and im genuinely still sad about)

#virgil arts #shut up virgil #<- evidently i will not. this took too long to write for a silly ask game lmao

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merowkittie · 10 months

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Ok hi sorry I have not been producing fics! I was taking summer college classes for three weeks, comics ok?1!1! But I’m back on my grind.. also I went from 500 to 700 followers so THANK YOU!! I’m still getting my life together so be on the lookout for some fics, drabbles yk yk! Might start writing for jjk a lot more because I got back on that recently so.. YA!

#reader insert #black reader #aurora rambles ଘ(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)#the walking dead #ellie williams #spiderman atsv #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #x black reader #black writers

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tohokuu · 1 year

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rant - mentions of death and suicide and blah blah blah

i feel like i only come on here to fucking rant lmfao

but hey ! at least it’s being put down somewhere and not shoved inside so then i can let it all out when things get too much and have a nervous breakdown LNFOAJF

i need therapy

like genuinely i need to get help !!

but help does not exist !

western therapy does not work on eastern minds ! and ykw- it’s fucking true. therapy doesn’t fucking work for some reason. that’s a beef reference

i just finished beef btw. great show. binge watched it and ignored all of my missing work… ahaha…

i miss when i was motivated my first semester of college and used to have the mentality.

“hey, if you get it all done now, you won’t have to feel guilty about procrastinating ! and then you’ll actually enjoy doing other fun things !” fuck.

so i lost 3 of my closest friends, so i’ve got nobody to text ya know ? but like we never really texted like that anyway but these were my go to friends yk ? the ones i always hung out with but they’re no longer here so now i’m lonely asf w nothing to do and i’m like …. heehee

just hanging there looking like a fucking L

like i’m a fucking loser LMFAO

i’m a loser

i bring nothing to the fucking table

i’m failing my classes bc i don’t understand anything anymore

i cant fucking write

idk how to fucking write

i don’t have friends

i’m fucking ugly

i actually serious hate everyone

my reputation is actually a lot worse than i had assumed btw ??? like … apparently there’s rumours abt me saying “she likes to ruin relationships for fun” and how “the things ppl hear abt me are unbelievable”

like is this fucking highschool ??? why are you focused on spreading rumors abt me instead of trying to fucking graduate college you stupid piece of fucking shit ???

and then this dickhead today i was talking to 😀 i tell this mf i need a job and ask if his place is hiring

he says “start an onlyfans” are you kidding. that’s so rude, inappropriate and disrespectful.

he knows i’m somebody that believes in God and i’m religious LMFAO ik i literally write porn on here for leisure but like … cmon 😀 seriously ? and this is a guy i barely know and ykw, everything in me was like “they’re all the same. they’re all the fucking same.”

and rn my sister just knocked on the bathroom door tryna fucking irritate me bc she can’t find my fucking gua sha like bitch you didn’t fucking ask to use it and no i don’t know where the fuck it is god leave me alone please

and then my mom keeps annoying me about coming down and grinding the chicken bc i was supposed to make dumplings today and freeze them but i’m fucking tired and it’s 10 pm and i’m not grinding chicken and then cooking it and making wontons. no. no. no. no.

i just want it to all stop. i just wanna breathe without my mind thinking a million fucking things at once. i feel like i can’t breathe without inhaling problems. i just wanna crawl into a fucking hole and fucking die. i literally want it all to stop. i don’t wanna actually die but i want to be happy please this week was shit. it was shit. i feel like shit. i just want it to stop. please.

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mmmcheetos · 8 months

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The college work is 20% of my final grade but you are so right

I feed the fandom liked it's starving BC who knows when my inspiration will up and die 💀 I just gotta keep pushing through, yk? Lol

🐉

i am always right (i'm procrastinating uni work rn)

yo that's fair. i feel like once i stop grinding i lose all my motivation for a really long time;;

#ask ever

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freecornland · 2 years

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food for thought (or not, maybe just rants)

tw: mental health, anxiety, depression, trauma

so i kinda broke down yesterday morning. twice in less than a week. and i've been wondering.

(this is a really huge rant and i just needed to get it out so um? read on your own accord lol)

how many of us really adored learning things before pandemic came on and it made us realise we've been dealing with a lot of trauma and pressure but just coped up by romanticising studies? and ended up breaking down to shreds in the lockdown?

earlier, this used to make feel shit, guilty and ashamed. bc some of us, this group of people, some of us still grind their ass off and work hard and don't "let it get to them". and i couldn't. idk if it's my fault or if people are allowed to not be stupid strong all the time. i don't think it's called being strong.

school has been so weird for me. most of the time i didn't have ecs and even if i did, someone in the family being sick, or we shift, or smthn all the time so i didn't really have fun in my childhood. i didn't have interests or hobbies i genuinely enjoyed and felt relaxed with. 9th started, everyone's like "these two years work your ass off, you'll do great" and then the pressure for 10th boards was so insane when in reality the exams weren't yk that bad? i didn't study like, day and night and giving up my life (bc i didn't have a life lmao) but i was pretty serious about it. the pressure tho. fuck that dude, it was just too much; all devices cut and no fun times nothing. just study study study. gave the exams panicking all the time.

that much pent up frustration, anxiety and depression all came tumbling in the lockdown bc now it's a new world w a little too much freedom. what happens when you stop a rusted but excellently working machine that's been grinding for 10 years? it breaks down. it doesn't pause or take a break, it just breaks down completely.

that happened w me i guess. start of 11th, i went to a "camp" college (bc parents didnt even look up normal pcmb schools even when i was chanting it all year). these ppl finished half the syllabus in 2 months and i was already dealing w anxiety all my life so this just bass boosted it. i procrastinated out of dread and then voila six months into the college i had the biggest breakdown of my life (very terrible and i don't think i'll elaborate). an actual depressive episode for two and half weeks until my parents freak out and shift schools. we try therapy but i'm a minor so that person sucked ass and said i was pretentious.

at this point i lost my motivation and interest and energy in life. and my dad wouldn't shut up about "you have very less time" when i still had a fucking year and half for jee. my brain just got hardwired into "i don't have time" and it went to "i dont have time so how does it matter lmao" bc i'm a perfectionist who settles for mediocrity (stole this ye)....

....and now it sucks for me bc i have "less time" for real. but but but, i'm sick of people telling me i could do better. i couldn't. i might be responsible for my career but, is this my fault :/

is it my fault that i couldn't be "strong" and deal w all this? and that i just survived, nothing more nothing less, and have been surviving all my life? sighe.

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