.

hi hii hiii☕️📒📚

hi hii hiii !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crab hehe mwah thanks for these !!

from this ask game for writers!

☕️ What's your go-to drink while writing?

hmmm ... i think my beverage consumption habits while i'm writing are usually a) nothing bc i need both hands to type and also when im writing i need to type to think, or b) something w sugar and/or caffeine if i'm in a break in a session or right before starting and trying to jumpstart my brain. in that case usually some kind of juice or sweet tea! oh i guess next most common is c) my tea i made that has gone completely cold but is still sweet and more importantly is right there

📒 Where do your jot down your ideas?

ahaha i think my answer to this is kind of cursed actually. i used to have this beautiful system where i had a separate evernote note for every project, and put down ideas in the relevant note until i had enough to start writing (or outlining or whatever) but then at some point that became too many clicks / while in a project i would continue to have a million little disconnected thoughts, so now it all goes into my personal discord server in a #writing-notes channel with a separate thread per project (project-neutral notes go in the main channel). this system is terrible because unlike evernote, discord does not have an undo button if you draft an entire scene in the message composition box and then hit delete by accident. i would not recommend this system to basically anyone however i cannot seem to get back out of it

📚 Who's your favorite author (or a few of them)?

oh boy haha. i am ... hmm. i am, haha. i do not really read books, for a guy whose main hobby is typing. well i suppose i still have favorite writers/authors:

gail carson levine (ella enchanted my beloved)

uh. well when i wrote the first bit i was pretty sure i was gonna come up with more than one.

tons of people in a bunch of different fandoms, i am too shy to list lol, but. its all in my ao3 bookmarks

oh my god maggie stiefvater (the scorpio races my beloved) — certainly i want to be her much less than i did a decade ago but ... very much a formative author for me

well hm sorry haha i just truly do not read much traditionally published fiction these days 🤘

When You Put It Like That

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: After a long time of trying to convince the angel-like Y/N to utter a single bad word, Corpse’s attempts are finally met with success but not the way he expected.

Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for this fluffy request, it was a ton of fun to write! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but here it finally is and if you happen to come across it and read it, I hope you enjoy the experience hehe. Love, Vy ❤

“Wait, wait, wait, what did I miss?“ I say as I hop into the Discord call and the Among Us server, running five minutes late since I got carried away reading my chat. My fans tend to do that to me - make me lose track of time and everything else. That’s why I usually try to connect to the call and game before I turn to look at my chat. Unfortunately, I forgot that bit today.

“Omg, Y/N! Put the cat ears on! It’s for the greater good, just trust me!“ Rae commands urgently. Amusingly enough, in the background, muffled a little by her voice is Corpse’s, telling me not to.

“Not that I need a reason to wear cat ears...“ I trail off, equipping the cat ears both in-game and IRL. Yes, I own a pair of cat ears, is that so surprising? “But can someone fill me in on what’s happening?“

“’Cat girls are ruining my life’ just surpassed twenty million views on YouTube, so we’re celebrating! And Mr. Popular Pants over here keeps being a party pooper, saying it’s not a big deal and refusing to put on cat ears.“

That’s when I notice that Corpse’s avatar is the only one wearing a different accessory than the rest of us. It’s this kind of tantrum-throwing-toddler that gets me laughing my butt off every single time. Add to it the witty sibling banter between him and Rae, fun for the whole family. Well, ok, not quite for the whole family with the curse words they sometimes drop left and right.

Speaking of cursing, I don’t do it. I was raised in a household where a curse word would earn me and my siblings a punishment - always different and never not creative but most importantly - always intense enough to make us regret saying a no-no word with our parents or grandparents around. That’s kind of stuck with me and I can’t really get over it. Even when I’m upset, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is that censor word YouTubers use to not get demonetized. I’ve been using those words all my life: shoot, freak, frick, crap, darn etc. - so my channel is always kept kid-friendly in that aspect.  Now with that context in mind, you’ll understand better the shock I received for this next move I made.

“Corpse, Corpse darling, listen to me. It’s not a big deal, it’s a HUGE deal. Don’t play the humble card with us, we know you too well. Allow us to be as excited as you were when you find out!“ I start off sweetly enough, “Sounds good?“

Corpse hesitates for a second, mumbling something under his breath before replying, “Ok, I guess.“

“Great!“ I clap my hands together, “Then put on the fucking cat ears!“

To say everyone in the call, especially Corpse, is stunned would be an understatement. Hell, I’m even stunned for a second or two, my eyebrows raising at my own out of character words. And, as a person who’s only cursed a countable-on-the-fingers-of-one-hand times in her life, boy did it feel freeing and relieving. Why haven’t I been doing it sooner, for fuck’s sake?!

This must be a huge success for everyone present, once again - especially for Corpse who’s been trying to get me to curse basically since the start of our friendship. He seems too shocked to even claim and flaunt his win over my willpower to keep my language clean, which I honestly appreciate.

“Well, when you put it like that...“ He finally mutters, his voice barely reaching me through the ‘oh my Gosh‘ squeals from Rae, Poki, Lily and Leslie who never thought their tries would lead to success. On the screen, I watch as his little black colored avatar equips the famous cat ears, “...How could I possibly complain?“

“Hell fucking yeah!“ I shout, clapping my hands together, “Wooo fucking hooo!“

“Ok, how the hell are we gonna stop her now? Is there a switch we can flip?“ Toast asks, faux concern in his voice.

“Shut it, Toast. I’ve worked far too hard to have her going back to being an angel!“ Corpse retorts, sending me and the rest of the players in a fit of laughter.

It’s true! He’s been working hella hard to get at least one curse word out of me, bribing me with immunity, threatening to kill me first in Among Us, offering an alliance or being my bodyguard or whatever else I could possibly fall for.

Hey, at least I didn’t get bribed into it, right?

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

Fandom ask meme- N, Y, Z

Thank you for sending me these!

Based on this ask meme.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice) Oof I guess more original fluff in the teen wolf fandom? also more fluff in the dp fandom sounds like a good idea to me. actually you know what I want? crack in both. actual, rib bruising level of laughter style crack. I wanna see my faves get up into the craziest situations and have hilarity ensue

What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them) Oh there’s so many; The Untamed, Leverage, all of DC, all of Marvel, HTTYD, Sailor Moon, BTS, LotR, AtLA, Star Wars, Star Trek, Supernatural, I could keep going but yeah...I have a very full dash of random things

Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged) I guess I’ll ramble on fandom interaction? I’ve been on tumblr for years actual years, I remember those ‘heritage posts’ when they were new, (the breadstick debacle and SuperWhoLock, I was there for the Ball Pit Implosion) and I never understood fandom. I didn’t get it. I mean, logically I understood what the terms meant, (ships, canon, OTP, TTP, meta, etc). I knew the definitions and when to apply what term where and what not to use for other things. But. I didn’t get it. 

I would say my first true fandom interaction was Teen Wolf in college because my dash was filled with TW. I couldn’t find a post for pages that wasn’t TW. There was so much art, and mv’s, and drabbles, gif after gif everywhere. 

So I watched it. And I fell in love with the characters and the world. TW became the first fandom that I got it. This is what fandom is. I inhaled fic after fic. Lurked in the fandom and watched interactions between the Big Names on story ideas and brainstorming. I tried to join the conversations and my voice was lost. I couldn’t write well so my stories were forgotten under wonderful masterpieces. My attempts to engage was buried under notes. So I returned to being a lurker.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad or upset about it. I was just a small no name and the Big Names weren’t acting malicious. They had already developed friendships and history with each other and were enjoying themselves. It is not their job to cater to every interaction. I still love their work, one of them is actually a big reason I survived college and It’s the only series I will read again and again.

But it was a moment of learning for me.

I joined other fandoms and I ignored the Big Names and made my own circle. I had fun in my circles. And I made my own art and stories.

And then, life happened, as it does. I stopped writing, I left Tumblr.

I left fandom.

I made new friends and moved on with my life. I would check my tumblr every once in awhile. It was infrequent and for sporadic amounts of time. 

I  joined discord and I found the TW fandom by and large had migrated (I found the link on a fanfic I am mildly obsessed with) so I lurked in the TW server, engaging here and there. I felt (feel still sometimes) small and that's on no one but myself. The server is huge and I struggle with too many voices and too many channels and so many rules I don’t truly understand. The TW fandom are all very nice and welcoming but it didn’t feel like a home I could settle into.

I scrolled into a Danny Phantom post that blew my mind. It was a gif of someone’s art. I am still in aw thinking about it. So I went looking for more. 

And I found stunning art and magnificent stories and lore so deep it felt like it could go on forever.

I didn’t know who was a Big Name or not, and it looked like most of the fandom were on a discord server. So I asked. And I joined a DP server, a small one with some interesting characters. And I was tired of so much personal things and I wanted to feel included somewhere, to feel wanted in a space.

So I engaged, and I listened, and I participated.

And I found that I was, not only welcomed, but my thoughts and opinions mattered. That there were wanted in the conversation.

I kept engaging. I started writing again. Truly writing for the first time in several years. And the phandom loved it. My followers skyrocketed, I received so many comments and add-ons of how much people enjoyed my work.

It absolutely blows my mind. I’m actually happy being in a fandom now. I feel like I found a home, which may not be permanent. I may find a new fandom, I may get busy with life and forget about tumblr and fandoms. But I know I can always return to the place I found and be welcomed home.

Captain America Corps

[This is a repost from my Patreon.] An extra review for everyone this month! I wasn't actually planning to write a review of Captain America Corps, but, then, I wasn't planning to love it as much as I did, either. Surprise! This has been the Book Club selection on the 616 Steve/Tony Discord server for the entirety of September, and it took me all month to get around to reading it, and when I finished reading it on Marvel Unlimited I immediately ran to the internet and ordered myself a copy of the trade paperback, because I needed one of my very own to cuddle. This review contains spoilers for the entirety of the series, so leave now if you don't want to know them. (It also contains a few pictures of elements that you may wish to avoid if you are sensitive to body horror in fiction.)

Captain America Corps is a five-issue miniseries written by Roger Stern, whom you may remember from such classics as his Avengers run featuring the Under Siege arc and his short but extremely memorable Cap run with John Byrne. The art here is by Phillipe Briones, who I don't think I've seen in any other book, but it's nice enough, I suppose. Anyway, it was published in 2011 and is also set then (well, sort of) -- so Bucky is still Captain America (though not for much longer) and Steve is Commander Rogers. (It is still available in trade paperback but it is technically out of print, so you should act now if you want a paper copy.) The best way I can describe my feelings about this book is thus: you know how David Michelinie's 1979 Avengers novel I read and reviewed a few months ago, The Man Who Stole Tomorrow, had an amazing premise -- Kang the Conqueror freezes Steve again and takes him to the future and the Avengers have to go time-traveling to get him back -- but it completely flubbed the actual execution of said premise? Well, Captain America Corps is a lot like that, but it absolutely, perfectly nails it. The premise isn't exactly the same, but it is definitely Peak Comics in the best zany madcap way, and the more you know about canon, the more your familiarity will be rewarded. Captain America is being kidnapped. But not just one Captain America -- Captains America across the multiverse are being stolen, and history is changing around their disappearances. A cosmic entity by the name of Tath Ki has made it his business to right these wrongs, and so to do this he kidnaps some more Captains America of his own. He ends up with a team of five: the Captain America of 1941 (Steve Rogers), USAgent (John Walker, from a small but unspecified number of years prior to 2011), the Captain America of 2011 (Bucky Barnes), American Dream (Shannon Carter, from the MC2 universe), and Commander A (Kiyoshi Morales, from several centuries in the future). So you can see already that this is going to be fun. All the Caps, in my opinion, are very well-characterized -- Steve is painfully earnest and a little inexperienced; Bucky is cynical, jaded, and he kind of can't believe that 40s Steve is looking up to him, which is really sweet; and John Walker is, of course, a complete asshole. I wanted to punch him in his stupid face multiple times, so clearly his characterization is perfect. I can't speak to Shannon's characterization because I've never read MC2, and Kiyoshi is new as of this book, but he is also excellent. So, obviously, because this is a Captain America book, there is a terrible dystopian future for them to fight -- and to show them what's at stake, Tath Ki drops them right in the middle of Dystopian Times Square, and they all get rounded up and imprisoned, whereupon they promptly stage a prison break for the various superheroes (Sam Wilson, Luke Cage, Peter Parker...) that they meet, before Tath Ki brings them back to his home base talk about it, now that he's convinced them that this is a future they have to stop.

(The law enforcement of the dystopian future includes several Americops and the Ameridroid. Remember those guys from the Cap comics? I sure do! Whee!) Tath Ki explains the situation here on this Earth, because obviously there has been some divergence. And the divergence point is this: the Avengers never found Captain America in the ice in Avengers #4. Two new women -- Broad-Stripe and Bright Star (why, yes, those are deeply unsubtle code names) -- ended up on the team instead, but, well... the Avengers just didn't work without Steve, and right when they ought to have founded the Kooky Quartet in Avengers #16, they disbanded instead. All because they'd never met Captain America. Thor went back to Asgard. Hank ended up in a psych ward. Tony died during heart surgery. (Don't worry, I'm coming back to this point later. So is the comic.) So the Caps split up to go see what they can find out about the remaining Avengers. Jan is hanging out with Sue Storm but has been warned about Kiyoshi and Shannon by the villain, and she kicks them out. Steve and Bucky break Hank out of the psych ward. And Tath Ki takes John Walker to Tony's tomb... to find that Tony's brain is missing from his body. Uh-oh. That's never a good sign.

And, oh, yes, Broad-Stripe and Bright Star are the villains of this series. And, what's more, Broad-Stripe is actually Superia, whom you will remember from the infamously terrible Cap arc The Superia Stratagem. It was really bad. It was really, really bad. But reading this has now retroactively made reading that worth it. Anyway, they're the ones who have been kidnapping all the Caps, and the Cap Corps here teams up with the local resistance force (yes, of course there's a resistance) to fight their way to the villains' headquarters. And do you know who else is at the villains' headquarters? It's Tony! I mean, it's Tony's brain. In a jar. Alive. And conscious. (And his eyeballs. I don't know why or how he still has his eyes. I'm trying not to think about that.)

The fact that Tony is now a brain in a jar is what the #book-club channel has been shrieking about with horrified glee for an entire month. If you like sad Tonys, there is no sadder Tony than this. You cannot make a sadder Tony than this. He is a brain in a jar. It's like everything about his favorite transhumanism, gone wrong. He's been there for years. He has never known Steve Rogers, and doesn't that just break your heart? He's suicidal. He begs the villain to finally kill him. He begs Hank to kill him, whether or not the good guys win. His life -- or undeath, or whatever it is -- is so awful that death is, for him, the happy ending. (We already know, canonically, that Tonys who never meet Steve are the saddest Tonys. Fantastic Four: Dark Reign #2, the issue that famously gave us Earth-3490, also gave us a look at Earth-1735, in which Steve is found very late in the superheroing game and Tony has clearly spent all the time in which they should have been Avengers together instead drinking his life away.) Sad Brain Jar Tony fills the good guys who find him -- Hank, Bucky, and Kiyoshi -- in on the villains' backstory and plans, which is basically that Superia has been stealing all the Captains America and has joined up with AIM and gotten herself a Cosmic Cube to shove them all into, and I'm sure we all guessed that that was happening because what even is a good Cap plot without a Cosmic Cube? Anyway, 1940s Steve doesn't meet Tony personally, as far as I can tell, but he does get to hear about him being alive over the comms, at least -- although it wouldn't mean much to him then, because at this point he doesn't know Tony. So all the Caps and Tath Ki and the villains end up falling into the Cosmic Cube along with the rest of the Caps that Superia stole, who are already in there. Steve merges with one of his other self, which breaks the Cube, and the alternate dystopian reality basically... vanishes from existence as everyone goes home. And Sad Brain Jar Tony is finally at peace. *sniff* Due to the mysteries of time-travel, Bucky and the two Caps after him -- Shannon and Kiyoshi -- remember what happened, but the two from before -- 1941 Steve and John Walker -- don't seem to. Except when Bucky meets up with his Steve, the Commander Rogers of 2011, it's clear that Bucky's return triggered something and Steve is starting to remember everything. Then Bucky decides to go turn himself in and face justice for the Winter Soldier's crimes. We get a brief look at Kiyoshi's time, where he's helping christen a new aircraft carrier named after Steve. And that's it. So obviously this is a completely wild plot in the way that comics are the best at, and what I really want most in life now is fic where 2011 Commander Rogers -- who we know is not the best at having feelings where Tony is concerned, because his current reaction to Tony is to scream at him about his feelings, in the snow, surrounded by all of their friends -- has to deal with the fact that he remembers being in a world where Tony is a sad brain in a jar and it all happened because he wasn't there to save him. Heroic Age-era (early Avengers v4) is one of my favorite flavors of Steve/Tony angst, as they work out how to have a friendship again (and are so bad at it that it involves a lot of very public screaming fights), and this just piles the angst right on top. (Yeah, guess what's on my WIP list now.) Objectively, it's not a perfect comic -- it's kind of a mess, but it's a mess in that glorious comics way that comics are so good at. I suspect if you're not here for the Steve/Tony you won't like it as much, but if you are... well, please enjoy pondering Sad Brain Jar Tony in his dystopian, Steve-less future.

OH SHIT YALL ARE WE PUBLICALLY TALKING ABOUT THE SHIT THE KFAM CREATORS PULL? IS THAT A THING WE’RE TALKING ABOUT NOW? I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

first: im not going to go into issues i have with the show itself. yall heard the helen keller episode and the walt storyline/the character voice a white dude used for him same as i did--my input won’t be necessary there i think. i also recommend the blog @kfam-tea​, thank you for your service, for being an archive for creator-based shit, the current snafu and their history, etc.

this is about my personal experiences with the creators. there’s plenty of behavior by the FANDOM that i don’t appreciate, especially in the official discord--where it’s specifically encouraged and cultivated--and maybe i’ll indulge myself with that in a separate post, but this i think will be more relevant to more folks’ interests and the current climate.

so. remember ep90, “if you’re hungry and you know it”? it’s the one where maggie calls in to apply and gets treated like shit by our protagonists for 15 minutes. comments are made about her breasts. they try to dissuade her from applying for the job posting they’ve been advertising because chet would sexually harass her and rather than address that they’d rather just.... warn off every female applicant? maggie through the conversation is trying to make amends for her wrongs (i.e. high school drama and attacking a guy who sexually harassed her so badly for years she quit her job) and talk about her efforts at recovery, and she is mocked, both in the way she is written and in the way sammy and ben talk to and about her.

it was bad. it was very sexist and bad, and nothing was said about it for a month (7/15-8/15), at which point ep92, “words: greater than pen, greater than sword” aired, which contained lily tearing sammy to shreds over it. ben wasn’t there, which was interesting, because it did create a dynamic where our resident socially aware lesbian (who solely bears the burden of educating people when they are being shitheads and is richly rewarded by being widely regarded as an unlikeable bitch by the fandom and many of the characters) rightfully confronts and gets an apology from a gay man for being half of an extremely misogynist shutdown of a woman. meanwhile, his hetero counterpart and unassailable purehearted fandom darling is not yelled at for his misogyny, and gets to have this Very Important Lesson relegated to him offscreen later. i mean, presumably? i’m pretty sure we never hear whether that actually happens.

still, it was a pretty thorough discussion of how gross that conversation had been, and it was addressed and apologized for in the show itself by the characters (or one of them), which was more than i expected. it regained some lost trust. it was clear to me that the kfam team had received the same sort of outcry from the fandom that i had seen in more private servers, and these were their amends. i decided to tweet at them applauding the effort. this is how that worked out:

[ID: a tweet by me that reads: “@ KingFallsAM hey.... today's episode was good. this was a good way to respond to fan criticism and the apology is appreciated. thanks.”

the official kfam account quote tweeted this to respond: “This was an intended storyline, we don’t course correct. We have ALWAYS had imperfect characters that learn and grow and will continue to. Also... we only saw one tweet even mention it. But thanks?“

a fellow fan, whose username and icon have been redacted, replied to the official kfam account’s response with: “I feel like there’s a less sarcastic way to respond to this tweet. I’m a diehard fan, however I saw quite a bit of criticism about thesexism[sic] in the recent episodes. I too was under the impression that it was a course correction, regardless I am glad that there is character growth“]

so. that was a cool thing. like, i do owe that other fan my life and will show up for them in their hour of need for being the only one to publically stick up for me despite being a stranger, but that sure was a quote tweet that a multi-thousand-followers account used to dunk on my under-100-followers account for trying to pay them a compliment!

i mean, really. the passive-aggressive ‘but thanks?’ at the end? and them saying not that they didnt course correct in this case where followup (a month later) was planned, but that they don’t course-correct, as in they never do that--was a clear statement of ‘we don’t accept fan criticism or feedback on writing OR representation and take it into account, ever’. hey kfam, pro tip: when you say 'thanks for accepting our apology i guess' it really sounds like you didnt feel like you needed to apologize in the first place. which is a pretty bold attitude to take about an episode where a character apologizes for being sexist.

like no wonder you only saw one tweet about it if that’s the attitude you present toward criticism (and, as @kfam-tea​‘s blog thoroughly proves, it is and has been, consistently). i know the risk of backlash is definitely why i hadn’t said anything about 90 in public up to that point. but yeah, 'nobody told us that episode was disgusting in our samebrain discord server that contains the literal creators who have a history of backlash, so can you really say there was fan criticism at all? maybe it was just in your head. after all, if we did something wrong with the intention to correct it a month later, did we really do anything wrong in the first place? checkmate'

tl;dr im not surprised by the new developments. my hearts go out to the MINORS, who are specifically cultivated as an audience by the sfw policy of the official server, who were publically chewed out by the grown ass author on twitter for requesting tags, warnings, or really any sort of discretion or consideration at all on nsfw content.

p.s.: here’s something kyle said on the discord in response to a conversation in which i criticized ben’s behavior during an episode (i.e. said he should apologize and take responsibility for a hurtful thing he did even though he did it by accident, or at least have it acknowledged in the show or the fandom that he did a hurtful thing--another post, perhaps) and the rest of the discord dogpiled me until i cried and shut down and stopped defending myself or speaking at all because i couldn’t deal with inviting any more argument:

[ID: a discord message from kyle that reads: “Thank you all for talking about this maturely and with your words. I’ve personally never seen that heard[sic???] of this scene with that POV attached but that’s the beautiful thing about this show and shows like it, is[sic] that we all kinda copy & paste ourselves on these characters and situations at times. Everybody’s opinions on the situation is[sic] valid with their own personal context of the scene.” two people have reacted with blue heart emojis.]

how magnanimous, kyle. wouldn’t have described the preceding argument as civil even if i did understand how anyone could possibly do anything on a discord text channel that didn’t qualify as using their words, but thanks? somebody literally DM’d me to ask if i was okay because without having ever talked to me one-on-one before they could tell i was deeply distraught by the end, but i’m glad you got to be the benevolent author and shake hands with both sides for a swift shutdown of dissent well executed. /s

Fanfiction Year in Review - 2020 by Purpleflower04

Yes, this’ll be fun! Thanks for the tag, @sing-in-me-oh-muse!

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

I think it’ll take forever to link everything, even with only 22 works (ok, 21 of them are Miraculous Ladybug and the last is a Christmas Jelsa fic)

You can find them all here!

I suppose I could list out statistics.

As of January 2nd, 2021, I have:

22 total fics - 3 longer fics, and 19 one shots (one of them being Jelsa; same one as before)

3 longer fics - Broken Keys, Mended Strings (a collab I’m doing with @torilovesmiraculous,  As It Should Be, and  MLB: Uncertainty

9 Lovesquare, 2 lukanette, 1 (platonic) Adrichat, and 10 general ones (I didn’t count background ships)

2 Number of words written:

68231!

3 Your most popular fic:

No doubt, it’s definitely  Almost Disaster! It’s about Marinette handling Hawkmoth like a boss when the akuma gets into her purse, but can’t convince her to turn evil. Her classmates look at her in shock and fear as she makes remarks back to Hawkwkmoth. I think people like seeing akumanette/close akumanette out of curiosity for how she’d handle it.

4 Your personal fav:

Wow, that’s difficult… have to say  Kwami Freedom. The focus was on the Kwamis getting out of the miracle box without any productive reason, other than to be free and do whatever they wanted. They got to explore just about wherever and whenever they wanted to visit. Giving the kwamis freedom made me also feel free, and I enjoyed it most, even if the fic didn’t want to finish itself. It was still a fun journey!

5 Your fav scene:

Oh, how can I just pick one?? I don’t remember my fics to that amount of detail. It’s probably writing the encouragement in Almost Disaster. I never thought I could write savage Marinette, but I proved myself wrong. After that, I saw if I put my mind to it, I could write whatever I wanted to, without any real limits, only myself if I let it.

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

It has to be Exposed,  which was my first fic exchange (and the only one I did as of now), and I got a challenging prompt where Alya figures out that Marinette is Ladybug, so she gives Alya something special to keep it a secret. At first I had to think about what this special thing is, but then I’m like, “oh yeah, she’s Rena Rouge, I’ll just permanently give her a miraculous,” especially since I like finding ways to give people miraculous permanently, so this was something we’d both like, which was a bonus!

7 A line of writing you’re proud of:

This is from Unknowing Love, and it was specifically when Chat Noir pretends to be Adrien, then detransforms. When he does, Plagg says something unusually deep, but funny (imo).

Anyway, here it is!:

“You know, take in my purrsonality and yours to make the charming, daring, hero of Paris, full of puns!”

8 A comment that touched you:

I’ve gotten so many comments that made me want to happily cry and just celebrate! It’s so hard to pick just one! This comment from Side Effect is just PERFECT, because I didn’t know I could make people feel this way from just a transformation:

“Okay, this was short and cute! And idk why, but the moment they transformed, I felt a shiver run through my body. Guess I felt the power of transformation too!”

9 Something that inspired your writing:

To keep going, it was the people in  Miraculous Fanworks Discord server that helped me out! If I had writer’s block, I would go to the sprint channel and just write. It worked so well, I also use it for writing school assignments (but that’s a little off topic). If I had a specific question about how I should continue my fics, I’d go to the writing channel. There was NO EXCUSE for writer’s block, and now I barely know her, fanfic or not, haha!

To start or continue? What inspired me to start was really just being bored and telling someone I wanted to write MLB fanfic, so they directed me to Miraculous Fanworks Discord server. I then asked for advice, and one of the people there was like “get a beta get a beta get a beta,” and so I did after finishing my first fic.

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Finishing Kwami Freedom for sure! It took forever for the fic to finish itself. I felt like I was so close, but then also the same amount away from finishing at the same time. It took weeks because I would only write around 100 words at a time.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

Yes! It would be to make a fic for someone who gave me so much advice and a heads up for difficult topics if I was taking one of the same classes as them. I’m using the one prompt they posted on the server previously mentioned and using a ship they like, so hopefully they’ll enjoy reading once I get to it! I am also aiming to finish Broken Keys, Mended Strings, make a soulmate AU for February, a songfic, and a Choose Your Own Adventure fic.

I’m surprised someone wants me to share my answers, but typing all this was fun, and I hope more authors do this!

I’ll tag: @enonimouse @dot-dotdots @ladycat1 (If I didn’t tag you, I either don’t know you, or I think you’ve already been tagged for this).

I’m sorry

I’m sorry to my followers, my mutuals, and most of all, to put I call friends. I’m so, so sorry

I know at least one person’s going to want to reblog this, saying that I’m not a shitty person. Well, this post is for you I guess. I hate just being here, trying to convince myself and others that I’m a good person, but really I’m not. I’ve ruined potential friendships and actual friendships over and over again. All because I want people to validate me, because I want people to pay attention to me, because I think that what I think needs to be shared with everyone.

I’ve wasted people’s energy, time, and I think I might have ruined at least one person’s offline life because I thought I could help them when I had no place to do so.

If for whatever reason you don’t think I’m awful after this, well I guess I can’t stop you. But I hope that this might finally get people to recognize that I’m not someone worth supporting. Enjoy my content if you want, but don’t pretend that I am, by myself, an enjoyable person.

1. My “contribution” to the Zoophobia fandom

You know, there’s nothing on my blog that I’m more ashamed of than my Zoophobia critiques? Back when I first started on tumblr, my pretentious ass thought that I was going to be super special and become “a zp critic who didn’t hate Vivziepop and enjoyed her content”.

Yes, I was that up my own ass.

At the time, the only zp critics I knew of were the ones on the bad wiki forums and the late Zoophobia Critiques account. Which, for the record, I still agree that a lot of the criticism gave there was super spiteful and overblown. I gave the excuse that we could learn how to improve our own writing by analyzing works we love when I was criticizing a 4 and a half chapter webcomic the creator wasn’t proud of.

You know, I’m at a loss for how nobody has called my critiques out for being misinformed, disorganized, poorly spelt, and like someone who just heard of writing criticism and was parroting stuff they heard on a YouTube video. My criticism of how Addison’s ptsd was handled was disgusting, and my criticism of Jack was vague and was clearly a reach.

And my non critical Zoophobia content wasn’t even that good. I made a bunch of nothing posts that only discussed a couple or one character ever, and they were so stupid.

Then there’s how I acted during the pre Hazbin Hotel Vivziepop drama. You know, where I acted like a deluded three year old? Voicing “my concerns”, and totally not babbling a bunch of nonsense and pushing it onto others. I remember how one former mutual of mine, Lisaury, rightfully “burst my bubble” (that’s how they put it) by pointing out my flawed information.

I honestly don’t blame Lisaury for never talking to me again. God, I barely spoke to her to begin with. Just sent her worthless post after worthless post.

My “criticisms” of Vivziepop were idiotic at best, and now? Zoophobia and criticism of it may have resurfaced thanks to Bad Luck Jack, but this only made me realize how nothing my posts were.

Other critics would just call me a wishy washy sheep, and fans would rightfully see me as an idiot if I posted now what I posted then. Ever since the short, I’ve been fearful of someone finally pointing out my bullshit, making it clear to everyone how awful my content was. And I feared it because I knew it was true. I just didn’t want other people to realize it.

Fuck, you’d at least expect someone to notice how much of a dickhead I was when critiquing people’s fanfics.

-

2. Art / characters

In 2020, someone invited me to join an art discord, and I created an account to do so. This discord had actual artists, many who had been to art school. So when my self taught, delusional self posted art into a criticism channel, they rightfully tore it to shreds. Called it out for the lacklustre, mediocre anime garbage it was. Gave me advice, and pointed out exactly what was wrong with it. One person made a very accurate description of it. “It looks like something someone drew on those shitty phone apps without a pencil”. And they were right.

And how did I react?

I had a meltdown, deleted a bunch of my art and posts, ran crying to a bunch of people, desperate for validation, because I, someone who made criticism posts, couldn’t handle actual criticism. And the same group rightfully called me out on it. I lost the log in info for my first account, so I don’t interact with that group anymore, but I should have listened. They rightfully pointed out how all my male characters looked like traps and how my art lacked any artistic skill. And what did I do? I screenshoted what they said and showed it to others, like “omg, pity me!”

I can’t look at my old art without wanting to vomit. I still can’t understand how anyone can enjoy what I make, despite people telling me that they do. Especially when they make better art than I ever could.

And despite how shit it looks, I just shove art and all posts I make in people’s face, because they “have to look at it and pay attention to it”

-

3. Such a great “friend”

I don’t have conversations with people anymore. The majority of my Tumblr conversations are filled with me sending post after post after post, weeks with just my fucking stupid posts, because they totally matter so much. I barely have any conversations with anyone anymore, and I don’t even return the favour of reblogging their content. Because after all, I need my friends with bigger follow counts to reblog my stuff. That’s the only way my posts get attention and I get validation, after all. Seriously, look at posts reblogged by eclecticcoyote, and compare the notes there to those he doesn’t.

If I didn’t constantly send people like him posts, expecting a reblog, I probably wouldn’t have followers. I know my content wouldn’t get any attention without his help, and I feel disgusting because it just feels like I’m taking advantage of someone’s audience.

Although it’s probably better I don’t talk to people whatsoever. One friend I have... well had, I don’t expect him to contact me ever again. I’ll refer to him as B for now. B was dealing with issues related to his mental health and offline life. I initially reached out to him after he made a post about having no friends

And then I didn’t message him for a while and was surprised when he told coyote that he felt like I didn’t care about him.

I started crying at him like “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” (no I’m not kidding). I ended up talking with him through several emotional break downs, because I didn’t want him to kill himself. I had the nerve to talk like I knew what I was talking about during those times. I gave unhelpful advice, like “go for a run”, “punch a pillow”, etc. Hell, one time, I had the audacity to say that it felt impossible to talk to him because it didn’t seem like he wanted to listen to people trying to help him, and that he only heard what he wanted to hear.

And I shoved my personal issues onto him as well. Because, again, my life is so important.

Then, at some point he developed feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way about him. And at this point, he sees me as one of the people who have helped him out the most with his issues (ironic, considering how I likely just made his life worse). So, what did I do when he confessed to me?

Oh, you know, instead of being mature and responsible, I panicked, got another friend involved because “I don’t know how to deal with this 😭😭😭”, made B upset and depressed all over again, and I basically got someone else involved in what was a personal moment for him, betraying his trust and throwing privacy out the window.

I tried to apologize the next morning, but it was too late. I honestly hope he doesn’t try to contact me again, and realize that I have, and can only make his life worse.

I constantly keep freezing out friendships on here by not actually talking to people and just sending them post after post. Recently, one person who reached out to me and tried to be my friend? Looking at past conversations with her, I come off as disinterested in her and dismissive. I might not have intended to, but...

Oh, and then Coyote invited me to his discord server. I recently started deleting all my posts on there, so that nobody would have to waste time scrolling through my bullshit. I shit you not, I would go on essay long tangents about my characters and art, while, comparatively, the attention I gave to others’ content was close to none. And in the first couple months there? I still tried to help people when I clearly couldn’t.

For fucks sake, I even dragged people there into my own personal irl drama when they didn’t need it. The night I self harmed in front of my parents, I should have kept it to myself because I. Knew. That people there would become distressed by it. But nope, because my problems are so important.

I would say dumb shit that ended up upsetting people, I would post over people, and overall just act like a self entitled, annoying bitch.

Just yesterday? Someone I considered my friend shared an image of some characters of hers that were in a polyamourous relationship. And what did my dumbass do?

“You know, I find people in poly relationships admirable bc I have trouble hanging out with more than one person irl bc lol social anxiety and lalala, lemme make this all about meee~!”

And then someone replied saying that they don’t understand poly relationships but support them, then I’m pretty sure the who posted the picture got uncomfortable at that point.

And wouldn’t you know it, recently that person announced that they were taking a break, which hey fine, and they mentioned that some of the stuff said on the discord was upsetting them.

Gee, I wonder who contributed to that?

And then there’s my constant validation seeking, me being silly during situations where the person needs me to be serious, my overall inability to respond in a way someone should whenever people don’t enjoy things I suggest or share...

-

Look, maybe I’m overreacting and being stupid. Wouldn’t surprise me. I currently have no friends outside of discord and tumblr, and I’m constantly disappointing my family and everyone around me by always failing at everything no matter what.

I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t even know if this is just me attempting to get validation or what.

I just... can’t do anything. I can’t trust myself to do anything. If someone requests that I do something, then fine I guess, but

I don’t want to hurt anyone else

Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

You didn't ship Destiel until S13!? That really took me by surprise! In that case, thank you for defending the ship even if you didn't ship it, that's really nice and your meta made it easier to deal with the antis. And welcome to the Destiel side of the force! :)

Yeah, several people -- @dotthings off the top of my head, I really don’t remember who else -- literally witnessed the screaming fall into the dumpster.

Again, I really don’t know if I still consider what I do ~shipping.~ I have no specific demands for how their relationship continues from here, I just acknowledge it within the work. The difference that hit in S13 was welcoming that content instead of guarding myself against it because we got slammed with several consecutive bookends that completed an entire romantic arc and punctuated it with a far more impacting mirror of an endgame that didn’t even have said romantic arc to begin with, in Swan Song, so like??? what am I supposed to do? Just ignore it? Act like I can’t understand what just happened in front of me?

To put some perspective, I’ve been running SPN games for... a while. My most recent one was on a discord server that’s niche, but my prior one was on a giant multifandom server. I covered for Cas to keep his power levels in check to the story balance without like, making the humans irrelevant. My Dean at the time was hardcore shipping trash. His name was Chris, he was a bisexual dude in Chile, psychologist, good dude. But like??? it deadass annoyed me? How up Cas’ ass his writing was? The shippers that came in actually kinda annoyed me with trying to matchmaker them in game??? Like. I saw it, but I guess it’s the old “That’s not what the show is about” (which unlike how fandom whips it around, doesn’t mean it can’t exist at all, it’s the obsessive tunnel visioned focus that pissed me off because it kept railroading scenes)

But despite that, during and before it, I was yeah, defending it. Just because I wasn’t an active ~shipper~ didn’t mean I was cool with people stomping on people for very reasonably seeing the stuff my last post mentioned. I just kinda kept myself from investing because I know this old media song and dance too well and didn’t expect it to break, say, S10 levels. And then 11 happened. And then 12. And then--

Because no matter what this fandom says, Castiel’s alien mystified staring at Dean, while great chemistry in old seasons, does not actually compare to things like frequent lunch dates, need and love yous, mixtapes, Eileen being Sam’s Cas in 15.09 and so on. In the actual, not-head-up-ass-about-old-rewritten-content-meta’ed-15-times-over often fused to really bad hot takes on what people call queer coding. But I could respect that, say, the ramifications of swapping Cas and Anna roles to keep Misha around while Julie was bouncing out and getting uncomfortable naturally landed Cas in the hero’s journey goddess role, ala princess Leia if you will, the distressing warrior nondamsel rebelling against the empire and whatnot. But that doesn’t start or end at star wars, that’s thousands of years of human writing.

So while yes, the show heavily stripped the actual content that would have traditionally structured it romantic, people like seeing that x their chemistry early on-- not crazy.

And I defended it for years /to my wife/ despite my server vexations. On this giant dozens-of-thousands-of-users multifandom server not connected to any core fandom spaces and hosting innumerable fandoms and walks of life, I was the oddball out -- me. As a nonshipper annoyed by the crowd, often having 20-30 people logged into my channel at a time playing everything from early Cain to Benny to TFW to Wayward to *throws dart at board* whatever, of the hundreds of names that drifted through the game in sum (including player rotations, OCs and audience that just came to watch/read like a fic), you know how many antis we had?

Three.

One was my wife. so removing her, two.

Do you know how many shippers there were? 

Yeah neither do I, just, “pretty much all of them.” a few hung in “see it, don’t care, moderately annoyed” like I did. But this idea that the GA is a bunch of het-guzzling bozos that can’t do the same basic math all of you fucking did before you got here, just because some other dead-ass irrelevant ship composed entirely on leftfield interpretations to validate niche fandom ships -- that shit’s so far fucking divorced from goddamn reality.

As for my wife, yes. She was an anti. In fact long before I wandered into fandom social media (I think I actually jumped in around S12 bc I saw Dabb taking over and Bobo getting promoted and was interested in Yockey-- Yockey was the first person I tweeted at), I was on these servers, running these games, having these ARGUMENTS with my wife to be quite honest, because like, look, I get it, Destiel fandom can be weird and needy and over the top but they’re not crazy for what they see out of it. By Carver era it was classic subtext.

But she had followed Winbros for years not realizing it’s literally run by the real world becky and her BFFs that have tasteful POVs like “Misha Collins is cancer” “Dabb is a disease” and whatever else on their personals that proxy through their posts and motivations. She attended it on Facebook, which is THE goddamn conservative magafarm asshole platform and yeah, read a lot of shitty arguments. Yes, she picked up sayings like “it ruins the show”. Yes, she hated it. No, that didn’t mean I felt anyone deserved more than mild frustration for their behaviors at the time just because they were stuck in fanfic-shipping-fiction-over-romanticised-land and not canon-divergent-show-genre-complex-interpersonal-relationships fiction. 

She, too, cracked about the same time I did. I was more receptive sure, I saw it more sure, but after a mix of addressing some personal problems, making an OC that completely changed how her perception filtered Dean and Castiel working together, whatever-- and yes, 12.19->13.5. The night of 13.5, the final shot, as the screen went dark, she stared over her phone and, with tonal distaste, said “Oh. So they’re going there.”

Yes, it’s that fucking obvious. No, she didn’t admit that’s what did her in. Not until the end of the season, when she admitted she had been bullshitting arguments since early season 13 because, literally, and I quote, “otherwise Min wins.” -- which, if that comes by way of my own wife, I can only stare into the fandom camera at other people that have turned this show into a decade long money sink and have been divorced from the actual canon path for like minimum 3 years, maybe 6, yelling about it being wrong all the time, etc. Because on the internet, people convince themselves they have ownership and power, that their opinion of what the piece should be overrides even the creators, et cetera. Yeah. There’s a lot of disingenuous horse shit.

TLDR my wife fell into the dumpster and, as the flag of the end of our weird spats, and a birthday present, I made her this, since she IDs as Dean (OLD vid, has hiccup issues newer ones don’t)

So, yup, dat me.

To this day I still don’t read fanfics or browse fanart or any of that. I’ve never cared about that face of the fandom. I’ve never cared about making up rando ships, I’ve never cared about exactly how any given relationship plays itself out, I just enjoy the ride and address it as it does indeed play out. Most shipping culture still pisses me the fuck off with its dialogue, as I’ve made very clear. But because I’m acknowledging the text instead of denying what keeps happening more centrally and critically every year on screen, I’d be called a shipper. Because I’m tired of watching people spew logic even most children could pick apart in an endless roundabout of negativity, because I have no tolerance for absolute horse shit and fandom whining so I just lay out counters to bad talking points, I’d be called a shipper.

But 13.5ish is when I finally let myself start emotionally receiving the content rather than barring it off in a distant wall of exhausted old gay that knows their media too well. Why? Because it already completed and went above and beyond every element of the original way they painted the original goddamn endgame and I guess because I won’t set unfair bars against queer relationships and set them at Extra Hard Difficulty, I’m a shipper. IDK. This fandom fucking exhausts me. Fandom culture in general exhausts me.

ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence. 

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...? 

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here: 

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative???? 

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah. 

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.

Trending

Corpse Husband x Animator!Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: None :)

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When a character in Y/N’s new animated video looks a lot like Corpse’s avatar, people are starting to suspect whether it’s a pure coincidence or sneakily intentional. Corpse is quick to put an end to the debate though.

Requested by Anon. Thank you so much for your request hun! Really sorry for the long wait for the fic to be posted but I still hope you come across it and give it a read and if you do so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

“Hi everyone!“, Rae, aka the creator of today’s lobby, greets us all as we pile in one by one, excited to start the stream. 

I am especially excited however because I haven’t participated in a stream in quite a while seeing as how I’ve been very busy with my original content - animations. I made an animation talking about my vacation to Canada over the winter about two years ago. In my defense, it was a long video and I hadn’t posted in so long that I wanted to make it a special comeback - sort of - and something to repay my audience for their patience. I got too carried away in the gaming world and forgot my main field which is animation.

“Hi guys! Missed ya!“ I greet them for myself too, genuinely happy to be back seeing as how it’s been so long since I’ve talked to them or played Among Us with them. Maybe that’s another reason why the animation took so long to be finished: I lose motivation when I’m not social and since I don’t leave my house a lot when I’m working on a project, these guys are usually my only social interaction and without them I turned into a literal bum. “How have you all been? How’s it going?”

“It was barely going, to be honest.“ Corpse says with a huff of laughter.

“Yeah, it was super boring without you! Glad you’re back!“ Poki interferes too, her statement widening my smile.

“Aww thanks guys! I’m glad to be back too, feels like it’s been forever since I last was in this Discord server or in an Among Us lobby.“ I say, throwing a quick glance at my chat to see the excited comments left there by my viewers.

“Oh, and congrats on making it on Trending! I was overjoyed when I saw your video on the Trending tab, you don’t even know.“ Rae gushes, bringing a slight blush to my cheeks - yeah I know, I suck at receiving compliments about my work, I’m working on it though!

To be perfectly honest, that video didn’t deserve to make it to Trending. Hell, the chances of it making there were nonexistent considering my channel’s rather small and has a tight-knit community of about two hundred thousand people only. And I don’t mean that as though it’s a bad thing, I’m just using it to set the scene of how impossible it seemed to me that a video of mine would make it to Trending.

“Um yeah, thank you so much, Rae. Honestly, I need to thank Corpse for that.“ I say, my blush deepening as my cheeks grow even redder. “People thought the character in the animation was him so they had to investigate.“

Yeah, apparently a fan of mine who watched the video recognized the character of my boyfriend as Corpse and immediately took to Twitter to let people know what they’d found and man did it blow up. Anything involving Corpse blows up nowadays but I still owe him a ‘thank you’. One I bet he won’t accept. I know him too well at this point - I know he won’t take any credit for it whatsoever but oh whatever.

“My phone got blown up the day it was posted, holy crap.“ Corpse laughs, “I was so taken aback, in all honesty. I was like: yeah, no shit, Sherlock. - Thought everyone already knew we were dating. Like, the confusion really caught me off guard. I thought we were being obvious.“

Well....I guess that’s one way to reveal a relationship you’ve been keeping secret for months now.

“Thanks, babe. Couldn’t have done that any more originally, I guarantee.“ I sigh, tangling my fingers in the roots of my hair as I feel laughter bubbling up from my stomach to my chest, begging for me to let it out.

“Wait...“, Rae is, unsurprisingly, the one to break the silence that commences on our friends’ part, “WHAT?!“

“Yeah, I second that...“ Poki is quick to follow, “WHAT!?“

Oh here we go....

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo  @beatrhizn  @blueberrystigma  @beatrhizn  @chicken-taco-burrito

WELL THAT’S A CLIFFHANGER I GUESS

Reunited was really really good.  It doesn’t dethrone the holy trinity or anything, but it was DAMN good and I’m still debating its position as I type this.  I think...yeah.  Reunited comes in at my new #3 for Season 5, between Pool Hopping and Can’t Go Back, and my new #5 overall, knocking Last One Out of Beach City out of the top five.  Man, this show’s really been bringing its A-game lately!

That’s not the end of things for tonight, though.  I’m gonna be doing another episode of something in a bit (I’m gonna go eat first), so I’ll see you guys there!

Oh, also!  You guys filled my little sister’s Gofundme!  Thank you SO MUCH!  You’ve really helped her out.  You guys really are the best :>

IN OTHER NEWS:

I’M WRITING A STEVEN UNIVERSE FANCOMIC!

I’m working with @strawberryseally on a Steven Universe fancomic called Trespassers, which you can read from the first page onwards by clicking that link.  There are four pages up (and a bunch of fanart and stuff on the blog in general) and although Strawberry is going on hiatus for a trip across the country until the end of the first week of August or so, they’re taking requests to practice Steven Universe characters while they’re away from their tablet.  Check out the guidelines for that here!  I’ll keep you guys posted–quite literally–as new Trespassers stuff gets made, too.  We have a lot of neat stuff waiting for the right moment to show you guys!

On the personal funding front, I’ve got my internet bill paid up for another month, but while it’s not exactly immediately pressing, I’ve been riding a month behind for some time.  I’d appreciate any help you can send my way!

Other than that–I’m saving up to buy a ticket to see my s/o across the Caribbean in the fall, so that’s exciting!  I’m so hyped to see them, you guys, you have no idea.

I’m also turning thirty in, like, three weeks!  That’s less exciting!  Being old sucks!  Where did all my hair go!  Make it stop, please!

In the meantime, if you’d like more of me:

My Discord server, where you can come hang out with other fans!

My Twitch channel, where I stream Minecraft and miscellaneous games!

My Youtube channel, where you can check out past streams!

Our community also has a guild in Path of Exile, which is running the best expansion they’ve ever released (all free!)  Go check the game out, it’s a fantasy horror game that’s basically Diablo II with Materia and a Sphere grid.

If you’d like to help support me financially (yes please) you can use my direct donation link to put some food on my shelf, or pledge to my Patreon if you want to support me per episode completed, which not only allows you to vote on what shows I do next now that I’ve begun my Madoka Magica liveblog, but also grants access to the Minecraft server I stream from to $5 patrons or higher!  

It’s your kindness and support that lets me do this stuff, and I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you to do it for.  Thank you all so much for your support, and for tuning in every episode!

OTHER PEOPLE YOU MAY ENJOY:

I may have been one of the earlier Steven Universe liveblogs, but a whole community of livebloggers has sprung up over the last two years!   I linked to a bunch individually for a few wrap-ups, but honestly, this end-slate is already eight billion miles long, so I’m just gonna link to my links page.  Click here if you want recommendations of other livebloggers, or other neat people, or webcomics and podcasts that I recommend.

It’s (Not) Over, Isn’t It? Chapter Three

Chapter Masterlist

Virgil couldn’t believe it. He just...couldn’t believe it. He had checked his Tumblr dash before going to his classes and was stunned to find a hastily-drawn doodle of Amethyst as some sort of flower all over his dash, coming from gayerthanyxu, but originating from none other than i-will-physically-fight-you. And he wasn’t sure whether to be more exasperated or elated that this was building up so much.

i-will-physically-fight-you had been his ultimate friend crush for quite some time, and Virgil frequently sent anonymous asks, signing them with the little devil emoji. He had been jealous of when Patton announced sherlock-deserved-better was his fandom child, but if Patton was happy that was all that really mattered to Virgil. But now Roman was also sharing the spotlight with Patton, and they’d get closer, and all Virgil would ever be was this tiny little anon, a blip in Patton’s radar and nothing more.

He had stewed in his own self-pity for the entirety of his morning classes, and now he was eating lunch, looking at Patton’s blog, and trying to quell his shaking hands and hammering heart. Because he, in a moment of weakness, sent Patton an ask saying he was worried that because of all of this, he would be forgotten, and Patton said he never would be, no matter what. But Virgil still considered revealing who he was, nonetheless. Because that, at least, would mean that Patton couldn’t forget him.

His own username taunted him in Patton’s askbox, the simple message, I am 😈, hope you don’t mind my showing my face, mocking him.

Screw it. Virgil was not one to be mocked and he had always been impulsive underneath his panic disorder. He pushed the ask button and the cheery message informing him it had been sent popped up. His heart was hammering harder now, and he wasn’t expecting much of a response for a while, so he had plenty of time to panic. Or so he thought, anyway.

As soon as he moved to his dash, he saw trashcan-icannot in an ask on Patton’s blog. But more than anything else, Patton’s response made him want to choke on his sandwich. ohmygoodness hello!!! i love love LOVE your blog, it’s so cool that you’re talking to me! please feel free to send me more asks, i love you so much (platonically, of course! <3)

Virgil thought he might faint. A grin split his face. Patton...didn’t mind! Moreover, Patton thought he was cool! He thought he just might die of happiness then and there. He sent Patton a message.

trashcan-icannot: is a message equivalent to an ask?

The response he got was immediate.

i-will-physically-hug-you: yes, yes it is! i love your blog, and all your work! it’s so good, your fanfiction brings tears to my eyes!

trashcan-icannot: oh my gosh you’re going to make me blush so hard my face catches fire. i’m glad you’re a fan, though. i love your blog more than words can say <3

i-will-physically-hug-you: well, we’re just two regular nerds, huh? this is cool!

trashcan-icannot: i never thought i would do this tbh. the only reason i did was because i was worried between logan and roman you’d forget about me

i-will-physically-hug-you: aww, i could never forget you! you were my first friend in this fandom, there’s no way i could EVER forget about you!

Virgil smiled despite himself.

trashcan-icannot: you were my first friend on tumblr, period. i never was that good at socializing

i-will-physically-hug-you: i was pretty good at making friends when i was younger but now it’s kinda hard. between transphobes and misinformed allies most of my friends are in the campus LGBT club

Virgil sighed. That resonated so similarly to his own story that it hurt.

trashcan-icannot: well, now we definitely have each other, huh? and i think we share a timezone?

i-will-physically-hug-you: gmt -5, right?

trashcan-icannot: yeah, that’s mine

i-will-physically-hug-you: yeah, mine too. this is awesome!!!

trashcan-icannot: i love your enthusiasm

i-will-physically-hug-you: i love that you’re not scared by it! XP

trashcan-icannot: why would i be scared of it? it’s endearing!

i-will-physically-hug-you: most people are scared off by my enthusiasm

trashcan-icannot: most people are morons, imho. don’t listen to them

i-will-physically-hug-you: i guess you have a point, though the way you said it seemed kinda harsh...

trashcan-icannot: eh. I’M naturally kinda harsh. it’s part of my charm ;)

i-will-physically-hug-you: you’re really funny! do you have a discord?

trashcan-icannot: ??? yes?

i-will-physically-hug-you: can i send you a link to my su server? i think it would be a lot more fun and positive with you there, and i’d love to get to know you better where i can actually read the messages easily. tumblr mobile is a pain

trashcan-icannot: sure, go ahead and link me. what’s the worst that could happen?

i-will-physically-hug-you: yay! okay, give me a second…

Virgil finished his sandwich and drummed his fingers on his laptop. His anxiety was catching up to him. Sure, people liked his fanfics and they might be nice to him on Discord, but what if they weren’t? He’d only ever used it with fellow writers before, who understood that he could be a bit of a recluse and didn’t take it personally when he decided he didn’t want to talk much that day.

The link popped up and Virgil gulped. Well, he couldn’t back down now. He clicked the link and was taken to his Discord app, where he accepted the invitation to join The Crystal Gems and saw that the server was not huge, but by no means small. There had to be about forty people total.

Responses to him joining were immediate.

Opal: Oh, new person! Hello!

Peridot: fresh blood! fresh blood! fresh blood!

Papa Patton: heya virgil! hop over into #introductions real quick and then feel free to talk as much as you want! i have class in a few minutes, but i hope to talk to you more soon!

virgilent: okay, yeah, i can do that. talk later.

Papa Patton: great! :) :P

Virgil shook his head at the emoticons and went into the introductions channel, quickly filling out the necessary information. Virgil, he/him, over 18, and the extra tidbit that he was trashcan-icannot and was a fic writer for the fandom. That done, he went back to the general chat and looked at the conversation before he had joined. Apparently they were arguing over sherlock-deserved-better’s latest meta.

virgilent: you guys know that the significance of opal’s weapon really doesn’t matter much to the overall show?

Opal: oh yeah, we know. it’s just fun to debate theories over meta

virgilent: can’t really argue with that

Peridot: so you’re trashcan-icannot huh? what’s it like being a big fic writer in the fandom?

virgilent: exhausting :P i can’t go a day without some idea popping into my head and i never have the time to write everything. you should see my unfinished docs list

The conversation continued until Virgil realized he had to get ready for his next class, but by the end of it, he was smiling. This was actually really fun. He was glad he revealed himself to Patton, now.

Dare he say...he might have even gotten a new friend out of it?

1, 5, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25-27, 29, 30-33, 36-38, 41-44, 47, 51, 53-55, 59, 60, 61, 64, 67, 70, 72-74, 76, 81-87, 89, 99 sorry it's so many ^.^

Iddhsgsbshsj okay here we GO ((sorry for how long this post is about to be in advance lol))

1. 6 of the songs you listen to most?It’s kinda hard to answer this as I listen to so much and fluctuate between which genre I want to binge listen to but prob something from p!atd, mcr, or maybe Hamilton idk I’ve been listening to a lot of that recently for some reason

5. What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Oki” ,.,….. like okay but weirder I guess

9. Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nothing other than like family projects by my brother and this one time a friend wanted to write a song about me because I came back from a week vacation in Canada but it never happened oh and I think I was in a couple raps lmao

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?lol like last week at a friend’s house when I was imitating pharah’s new dance emote in overwatch

11. Do you have any strange phobias?I don’t think I have “"strange”“ ones but I faint around needles and I’m claustrophobic

14. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Ew,,.,. Outside,.,. Uh well I only go outside on obligation so probably walking the dog or going out with some friends

15. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Is this,,.., metaphorically?? I can’t tell but either way probably most of the time behind but I guess it matters on the situation?

16. Favorite band?My Chemical Romance or Panic! At The Disco because my emo phase will never truly leave me

17. What as the last lie you told?Uh idk I don’t lie very often,… well I just told someone I couldn’t go to something when I just,,, didn’t want to and I also just told someone I ”“appreciated their words”“ when I sure af didn’t

19. What does your URL mean?Well my URL on almost everything is TheFabulousKilljoy ((mcr ref)) but THAT was obviously taken so I made this and it’s the only website I’ve ever used it on

20. What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Everything and nothing hella

23. How do you vent your anger?Do nothing until I get over it or go to the vent channel on a discord server I’m on and complain

24. Do you have a collection of anything?When I in third grade I collected erasers, then in fourth I collected silly bands, and then after that not really anything unless you count the growing landfill of empty water bottles I’m too lazy to throw away in my room

25. Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Shrug probably voice chatting bc discord doesn’t support video chat yet ((I use discord a lot of you haven’t noticed))

26. Are you happy with the person you’ve become?More or less, but I believe I still have a long way to go

27. What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?Hate: anything too loud that isn’t musicLove: rain!!!!

29. Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Nope and yep, ghosts don’t really make sense to be real and duh of course there’s other life out there somewhere do you KNOW how big this universe is??

30. Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. A supernatural blanket which I lowkey hate because it has the main characters on it and isn’t THAT terrifying to see when you’re trying to sleep and iron pills for my anemia

31. Smell the air. What do you smell?Shampoo because I just got out of the shower

32. What’s the worst place you have ever been to?There’s this house in Vegas that i have to go to every once in a while for vacation that I absolutely despise

33. Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West, I live in California

36. Define art. Anything that somebody creates

37. Do you believe in luck?Eh not really? Maybe?

38. What’s the weather like right now?Cloudy in the 70'sish but no rain :((

41. What was the last book you read?Oh god I have no idea probably the Princeton Review APWH 2017 Study Guide™

42. Do you like the smell of gasoline?Not really but my brother loves it

43. Do you have any nicknames?Killjoy, kj, tfkj, your royal highness ;))

44. What was the last film you saw?I don’t know what the last one I saw was called but the one before that was Dirty Dancing

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?Homestuck, Steven Universe, Still Mystic Messenger for some reason, Supernatural, Hamilton also for some reason I haven’t even seen it, the new FOB album ((can’t wait)), Skyrim, Overwatch, and about 846272 other things

51. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yes, but again it depends on the situation and the person and how, if at all, it was resolved

53. Do you save money or spend it?Save until I get enough to buy something I want ((rn it’s the void sweatshirt from wlf so if anyone wants to throw me like $40 hmu ;;);)););)(;);,),;),))))

54. What’s the last thing you purchased?I can’t remember

55. Love or lust?Love of course

59. Where were you yesterday?Home playing a ton of overwatch

60. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Yep, a pink skirt I use for Roxy cosplay ((still working on that,,, eventually)) a Steven universe crop top im not actually allowed to wear lol, a flower, one of those eos lip balm eggs, and a flower crown thing from medieval times ((the knight dinner show thing))

61. Are you wearing socks right now?Okay honestly I just got out the shower and I’m very lazy so I’m just sitting here with a towel

64. Where is your best friend?Uh I don’t know probably at her house

67. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?I was on tumblr and discord because sleep schedules are for the weak

70. Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?No I’m an asshole lol, but having shared interests would be nice

72. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) what do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?Wow that’s dark okay uh I would tell everyone because then I’d just,,, die out of nowhere and they’d be so confused, with my remaining days I’d probably travel and make amends with people and try to do some good things in the world in the month I have left, and I’d probably be afraid but eventually accept it

73. You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust, love isn’t 100% necessary and it’s built off of trust nyanyways

74. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?There’s definitely some but I sure can’t think of them right now

76. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Mutual trust, the ability to have fun with one another, shared interests and views, established boundaries

81. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?Something really witty and/or confusing so when people see it in the graveyard they’re just like,,, what the fuck was wrong with her

82. What is your favorite word?I don’t know I need time to prepare for these questions smh

83. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. A,,,,,,,, heart

84. What is a saying you say a lot?Oh god I have a lot of terrible annoying things I say a lot like rip, diddly darn, golly gee gosh, big mood, I’d let (her/him/you/them) step on me ((I say that all the time whenever I really like someone or someone says something nice to me lmao)) etc.

85. What’s the last song you listened to?Some Queen song I don’t remember that was playing

86. What’s your favorite color/colors?Black and pastel pink

87. What’s your current desktop picture?Well My computer has the Aperture Laboratories™ symbol from portal, my phone lock screen is my cat with a flower crown I photoshopped on him because,,, i love cats so much,,,, and my home screen is Bubblegum and Marceline from adventure time kissing ((even though I haven’t watched the show in years))

89. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?There’s probably a ton but my least favorite that always comes up during truth or dare and stuff is "who do you have a crush on?” bc I can’t say that without outing myself bc spoiler alert: she’s a girl

99. If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?“HOLY SHIT THE WHOLE WORLD IS LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW I CANT FUCK THIS UP”

And we DID IT! Questions=Answered what a trip ((also something I say too much)) there’s probably hella spelling errors and shit but there’s no way I’m double checking this lmaothanks for asking my dude!!