#oh my goodness reblogging this real quick instead!
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The missing piece: Oliver Quick x fem!reader
Part 2 here
Summary: A few months after Saltburn becomes completely his, Oliver still feels like something is missing. Without being able to put a finger on it he decides to pay a visit to Oxford, where all started, trying to find the answer between his old memories. Fate believes that a pretty and sweet student he meets in a bookstore is the piece of the puzzle he needs right now. After all everyone wants to be showered with love, don’t they?
Warnings: Post Saltburn fic, a little bit dark (it’s Oliver, what you expected?), age gap (he is around 15-17 years older), slightly innocent kin? (nothing sexual)
Words: Around 1700
Author's rambles: Okay, I feel in love with him the movie and I am kind of embarrassed about it (It’s not my fault hat the actor has pretty eyes and a gorgeous accent, fine?) For your own good, don’t aspire to have a boyfriend as toxic as him in real life. Also this is my fic on Tumblr, please be nice
Masterlist Characters I write for
Likes and reblogs are appreciated ღ
I do not authorize any of my works to be copied, translated or plagiarized ✗
There is a psychological phenomenon that claims that after achieving something we have been longing for some time instead of the sense of satisfaction we were expecting we feel incomplete, hopeless and already looking forward to our next success. After having the Saltburn's keys just for himself, Oliver experienced that piercing emotion for the first time in his life. If he was painfully unaware of it or simply decided to ignore it remains as an open question until today. The only thing that was certain for him at that time is that he needed some action, a new goal, maybe some entertainment, and specially he needed answers. That’s why he decided to go back to the place it all started nearly sixteen years ago
Oxford hadn’t changed a lot since he graduated, as he had the chance to notice it. Different names, different faces, different decades… But still the same social scheme it was back them. Groups of rich daddy’s and mommy’s children swarming around the campus, pubs where you had to drink to be accepted, and poor little nobodies who had to adapt or die in the process
He rented a large flat not so far away from the university, and in the café just below it he rediscovered a hobby he had always had, but which have been almost forgotten on those last months on the mansion. Looking at the students, being able to read through their facades while accompanied by a cup of coffee, became his new pastime. But people always talk and after some weeks spending the afternoon in the café terrace just lost in his thoughts he realized the odd glances the staff shot towards him, so he decided to hide his true interest behind a less complex and unique one. The next day he went to the closest bookstore to buy any novel that would help him with his purpose, after all, people just ask fewer questions when you are reading on your own. That was when he found you sitting on a couch, legs crossed with a book between your small and soft hands
Pretty, beautiful, gorgeous even. Young, probably still studying at Oxford. On the shy aspect, lovely and smart as he guessed correctly. Sweet smile. Bright eyes. Oh, and some soft curves he was able to peep while he seemed to be looking at the shelves by your side. Wait, was that a blush, what he saw on your cheeks? Another scholarship student as he was back then. The fact that your clothes weren’t from big and expensive brands and that you spent your afternoons in the bookshop without really buying anything was the clue he needed to be sure about it. God, you were adorable, perfect, just what he needed right now and he decided to start working on it
Time had shown him that patience and a good plan could take you far away, this is the reason why, although he was eager to come to you and straight-forward mesmerize you with his tricks, he waited. He spent the next five weeks going to the library more or less daily hoping to see you, and luckily (since he was used to building his own luck) your schedules always matched. He always sat on an armchair to read next to yours, close but not enough to be suspicious. Just after he had made sure you have not so subtly looked at him a few times, he decided to make the move
“The Secret History” a deep silky voice said from behind your seat. His face slightly near to your face which made the words linger in the air for some honey-like seconds “You have a good taste”
“Thanks… Thank you” you manged to say in sweet and shy whisper
“First time you read it?” he asked and a shake of your head was the response he got
“No, I have already read it a couple of times in pdf. But I have never owned the physical book”
“We can have that keep happening, can’t we?” he grinned, and you couldn’t remember if he was the first man who had smiled and looked at you in that way “May I have a look at it?” his large and firm hands came to hold the cover as he stood up and went straight to the cashier “Follow me, darling” the nickname rolled in his tongue, sweet as candy, and before you thought about it, you did as he said. You were obedient, good thing, he thought to himself. He pulled the money out of his wallet in merely seconds, paid for it and hand it back to you
“Thanks, but I can’t accept it” you said slightly embarrassed
“Of course, you can! It truly is an amazing novel, you deserve it” he smirked. His words have had just the reaction he had expected from you, cheeks covered with a tiny hint of pink “I have always found myself relating to Henry Winter, I just need my Camila now”
You were taken back, was that an attempt to flirt? Because if it was, he had your attention. While you tried to make any sense out of your thought, he spoke again
“I am usually on a café nearby, if you are interested you could come sometime” Another smirk, and at that moment you knew that this man was going to be the death to you. Things like this only happened to the main characters in romance movies
“I don’t even know your name”
“ You can call me Oliver, darling”
“I am y/n”
“Beautiful, beautiful y/n, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope we see each other again”
And you did. Between coffees, books, conversations and more, he had you wrapped around his finger by the time your classes ended. Oliver was sweet, devoted, intelligent… all you could ever ask for in a man. He was straight out of your dreams, and damn he felt you were straight out of his. Innocent, easy to make blush, could keep with his ramblings and most important, you were eager to love, and he was eager to be loved
Yesterday it had been your graduation, when you left the ceremony in that beautiful dress he had insisted on buying you and wrapped your arms around him, he felt like his plan has almost completely succeeded. Almost, you wanted a fairy tale romance, and he was going to give you one. Keeping things slowly and delicate. But when he woke up and felt you laying on his chest sleeping peacefully, he couldn’t help but want to make you his. That had been the only night you had spent in his apartment in your months together. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't rush, so he didn't. At least he was glad you were coming with him to Saltburn for a few weeks in the summer and you could bet he wouldn’t let you leave the mansion again if he could. After all, you were all that he wanted. His missing piece
Part 2 here
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EPISODE 5 ♡ EMERGENCY CONTACT
HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — A SCARAMOUCHE SMAU
masterlist / prev ep / next ep / timestamp doesn't matter
kunikuzushi got up from his seat immediately. luckily, the professor for this class hasn't arrived so attendance isn't noted yet. leaning towards the guy next to him, venti, kunikuzushi asked him a favor. "can you tell our prof that i suddenly got diarrhea? i need to run an errand real quick."
venti, although confused as to the sudden favor, still agreed, and kunikuzushi swiftly made his way to the clinic. it didn't matter to him if he accidentally bumped into others; what matters for him is getting you as fast as possible.
as soon as he arrived, he knocked first before going in. "good afternoon, where are they?" he asks the clinic nurse, trying to catch his breath. she then led kunikuzushi to the bed you were resting in and informed him that you fainted due to a lack of sleep and meals.
"(name), get up," he says in a soft voice—a voice that he only used for you.
"nini?" you replied, your eyes still half-closed and your body slightly turned in his direction.
it was a pang to his chest, but he paid it no mind because he had to get you home. "let's go home, hm? you're burning up here," he says, gently pressing his palm against your forehead and smoothly sweeping some strands of hair out of your face.
"i can't walk; my whole body hurts." you covered your head with the pillow you were lying on. kunikuzushi softly sighs at you. you never really changed after everything, huh?
"come on, i'll give you a piggyback ride, just like the old times."
with you on his back, kunikuzushi made his way to the parking lot, where his car was. but as he was carrying you there, he heard you slightly mumble something.
"nini? don't leave me."
he sighs again and whispers. "you were the one who left me, dummy."
it's been a few minutes since he started the drive to your place. you peacefully slept on the passenger seat when you suddenly got woken up by a bumpy road.
"kuni?" you say, rubbing your eyes a bit.
"hmm? oh, you're awake." kunikuzushi glances at you for a quick moment before he focuses back on the road. "before you ask, i'm taking you home because you got sick."
oh. there was a slight disappointment when you heard him. "can we go to your place instead? your bed is... softer."
kunikuzushi knows he can't say no to you—maybe that's why he couldn't bring himself to disagree with you when you wanted to break up back then.
"fine," he sighs.
"don't you have class today?" you asked him.
"that doesn't matter anymore."
"huh? yes, it does. we're literally exes, so why are you like this?"
"it doesn't matter if you've broken up with me; that doesn't change the fact that i still care for you." tension filled the air as he said those words.
just because we're exes doesn't mean i don't give a fuck about you.
"thank you." you breathed out.
"you should continue resting. we're still gonna drop by a pharmacy." kunikuzushi continues on driving. "i'll argue with you again when you're feeling better," he chuckled.
before you could even realize it, you eventually fell asleep again.
taglist (open): @yinyinggie @blue-b3rries @ryuryuryuyurboat @your-local-reblogging-kazoo @lilikags @haliyamori @diorlumx @mamafly @zuunotsane @iloveosamuu @featuredtofu @kanaedd @xiaoderrrr @f1orent1ne @alhaitie @yelleloww @brain-r0tt @jamieexistss @danfelions @e0nssadrift @lovemari @kunikissr @chluuvr @lazy-sanns @lxkeeeee @swivy123 @sketcheeee @quacking-simp @tiredslepz @vxcmx @kichiy0shi @yingofthemoon @feiherp @sicut-sol @mayuumine
#( smau — how you get the girl ! )#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#genshin imagines#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche smau#kunikuzushi x reader#kunikuzushi#x reader
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under the weather
☁︎ ellie williams x fem!reader
☁︎ fluff
☁︎ summary: in which ellie takes care of her sick girlfriend.
☁︎ a/n: my first ellie fic! let me know how u guys like it, reblogs and comments r much much appreciated!
☁︎ word count: 1,475
“babe! open up!”
“i’m coming, i’m coming,” you muttered, tightening the blanket wrapped around you.
opening the front door, a gust of crisp, frigid wind blew in your face inducing a full-body shiver. stepping inside the foyer of your house, ellie gave you a confused look as she leaned down to greet you with a kiss on your forehead.
“why’re you still in your pjs? we start patrol in 45 minutes,” she asked. about to answer her question, you let out a deafening sneeze.
“i know, babe. i’m sorry- i- i woke up late this morning and, you know, i’m still trying to wake up a little bit but i’m feeling a bit-,” you pause to sneeze, “-a bit groggy.”
you use your long sleeve shirt to wipe your nose, and as disgusting as that was, you couldn’t be bothered to care. your head was pounding, your throat was sore, and your nose was all red and runny. it was obvious you’ve seen better days.
“just give me 10 m-minutes, els. i’ll be dressed for patrol,” you murmured, attempting to reassure ellie with a weak smile.
you should’ve known she was smarter than that. she took one look at you—still in your pajamas with messy hair and a blanket cocooning your frame—and determined that you wouldn’t be going anywhere; knowing that if you were to step out of the warmth of your home into the freezing, jackson winter, you’d probably pass out.
“oh, no. you will not be getting dressed, little lady, let alone going to patrol,” she raised a brow at you, and her cold hands made their way to cup your cheeks. the unexpected chill of her palms on your face evoked a wince from you.
“fuck, baby, you’re burning up,” she cooed at you, “you’re in no shape to be leaving this house today.”
“then what are we gonna-,” sneeze, “-do?”, you look up at her with glossy eyes. her green orbs soften and she lets out an apprehensive sigh.
“well, i’m gonna go let jesse know that we won’t be going to patrol today,��� your brows furrowed in confusion. did she say ‘we’?
“what do you mean ‘we’?”, you asked, your voice coming out all congested and muffled.
“uh, yeah. you think i’m gonna let my favorite girl stay here all alone?”, ellie narrowed her eyes, “especially while she’s sick?”
“els, i can take care of myself just fine,“ you countered, “just have jesse or dina take my place instead. i don’t want you seeing me all ugly and germy and gross.”
she let out one of her award-winning laughs, “you’re still the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen, even if you’re quote-unquote ‘germy and gross’,” “besides, it’d bug me all day knowing i left you alone while you weren’t feeling good.”
“but-“ you began, but before you had time to interject, your girlfriend interrupted you.
“no buts, you know damn well you would do the same for me, baby.” ellie walked over to you, taking your ice-cold hands into hers, squeezing them tenderly to warm them up. “let me take care of you.”
of course, you couldn’t say no to her. the way she’s just so insistent on taking care of you, even when you’re all snotty-nosed and sneezy. it made your heart swell.
“m’kay.” you gave in softly looking down at your feet, “i..i just feel bad, y’know? they need you out there.”
ellie’s finger lifted your chin up softly, your eyes meeting with her green ones. “i know, sweet girl. but right now, you need me in here.” she leans down and kisses you briefly on the lips, sending your heart in a frenzy, as all her kisses did.
“why don’t you go in your room and lay back down? yea, baby?” ellie instructed, “i’m gonna go real quick and tell jess the news. i’ll be back in a sec.”
-
you weren’t sure when you woke up from your short nap, but by the time you did, ellie still hadn’t been back yet. it worried you a bit, and if you weren’t feeling so feeble and faint, you’d definitely be searching for her right now.
so, there you were, sprawled out on your bed, blankets tangled between your legs every which way. your eyes shut closed, but your body sank into the silence, soothing you.
you hear the front door open and then close. god, if i’m about to be robbed, then this will be their easiest heist yet. you had no energy to even call out who it was.
“babe? y’awake?”, ellie greets with a knock on your bedroom door.
“mmm.” you managed to groan in response, you pick your head up and squint your eyes open, seeing that your girlfriend has changed her clothes into something a bit more comfortable—a hoodie with sweats—and that she has a bag in her hand.
“what’s that?” you question, using your elbows to prop yourself up in bed. ellie walks over to you, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress. she opens the bag and inside is a thermos, various snacks, tea bags, medicine, and a DVD.
“i just thought i’d pick up some things for you. i mean— we’re gonna be here all day. didn’t wanna be unprepared,” she scratched the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly. you wrapped your arms around her tightly, “thank you.” you whispered.
her arms wrapped around your waist, one of her hands rubbing your back soothingly, “it’s nothing. anything for you, sweet girl.”
as you sat in bed, watching the DVD ellie picked up, ellie took care of everything.
turns out, maria made a batch of chowder for you after hearing that you were feeling under the weather. she also threw in some tea bags to help soothe the sore throat. ellie made sure you were bundled up like a baby, and had no complaints tending to you or cleaning up after your messes.
now your head laid on her lap, both of you intent on the movie playing in front of you. you turned your head, admiring the way ellie’s eyes were so focused and how perfectly her freckles sprinkled her face. she looked down at you, catching you red-handed.
“what?” she asked, shakiness in her voice.
“nothing.” you murmured, your eyes still studying her.
“y’sure?”
“yea,” you smiled, “i just like looking at you.”
hues of pink faded onto her cheekbones and across her speckled nose, “well— stop.”
“why?”
ellie let out a nervous laugh, which was new to you. “because you’re making me nervous.”
you smiled and rolled your eyes, “fine, fine.” but now ellie couldn’t stop looking at your face. she intently studied every detail; the wisps of your eyelashes, the curves of your nose, the way the soft glow of the TV illuminated your face, the shape of your lips. it was like she was seeing you for the first time all over again. falling in love with you all over again.
ellie didn't care if your hair was all over the place or if your nose was red from rubbing it all day. she didn't give a fuck if you were dressed down, or if you sounded 'weird'. even in your sickest state, she still thought you were the most gorgeous girl this universe had to offer.
she bent her head down, planting yet another warm kiss on your lips.
“you’ve got to stop kissing me before you get sick, silly goose.” you contended, eliciting a laugh from her.
“if i were to get sick for every time i kissed you, put me in the hospital,” ellie joked. you snorted and rolled your eyes, “ha ha, nice one.”
you got up, and sat against the headboard of your bed next to her. “seriously though, els. thank you for doing all of this for me,” you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “no one’s really ever done this for me before.” you looked down at your hands, beginning to feel all shy in front of her now. it was a habit, avoiding eye contact with ellie everytime you were opening up to her. it made you feel vulnerable and anxious.
“hey, look at me,” she lifts your chin up, your eyes meeting hers again, “what’d i tell you?”
ellie’s eyes studied yours, “i’ll always take care of you. as long as you’re with me, i’ll be the one taking care of you.” no doubt was in her voice.
“‘kay, sweet girl?”, she asked, and you nodded. ellie smiled at you and her lips pressed against your cheek.
“i love you.” your heart warmed up and your stomach erupted with butterflies. it always took you by surprise how much of an effect ellie had on your body.
“i love you, ellie.”
#ellie williams#ellie tlou#ellie williams tlou#the last of us#the last of us ellie#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x you#ellie x reader#tlou#ellie x fem reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams fluff
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(I have reblogged this because I added more on to it. I made an error. Could’ve edited the post but I didn’t think about that lmao.)
I totally didn’t make an entire PowerPoint because I was bored and wanted to prove a tumblr user right because they said Adler and Graves were related.
Adler probably did have a fling now that I think about it because why not? He’s a snake. So even though it’s unlikely it’s not impossible.
Enjoy my madness.
But is he the type to? Eh, probably not. But who knows? We know nothing about him.
Second timeline below to suit this theory ⬇️
@gravesrafe
Those years right there would actually work better. But CIA boy was still hunting Perseus down.
Hmmm I don’t know. I don’t know.
So if I based it off of these years things would make more sense. So Phillip is actually in his thirties in mw2. Hmmm. Gotta do some maths again real quick. So 2017, he left the military hmmm.
15-17 years of service to be a commander. Left in 2017. 1977 according to Gravesrafe. Divorce could’ve been any amount of time before 1981 in black ops Cold War so long as it’s been a year I’m thinking.
Adler was 44 in 1981. 40 in 1977.
1981-1977= so four years extra. 2000-4=1996. So he joined in 1996……at required age of seventeen. 1996-17 just to make sure= 1979. Hm, well that’s not right at all.
Hold on. So instead, 1977 plus 17 = 1994. Phillip was actually joining in 1994 then. So add on the 15-17 years of service to be a commander annnnd it’s 2009-2011. So he’s in and around 32-34 when he becomes a commander.
So add on till we get to 2017 when he leaves to start shadow company….
He’s 40-42. Damn.
I’m thinking my maths doesn’t make any sense in my PowerPoint now. Well it does and it doesn’t.
Yeah, I think that works better tbh.
Oh man, I was off by a good bit. I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked up. Okay okay so my PowerPoint is assuming the possibility of a fling.
Gravesrafe is assuming while the wife was around which is way more logical than what I was doing and a higher possibility. God, I love using my brain and putting it to work. The miracles that happen when I actually get sleep Instead of feeding my new tumblr addiction.
#call of duty#cod#call of duty black ops#call of duty black ops cold war#russell adler#cod bocw#black ops cold war#call of duty modern warfare#cod cold war#cod modern warfare#phillip graves#mw2#cod mw2#cod mw3#modern warfare 2#Graves might be related to Adler one way or another#I don’t know for 100% sure#why am I the first to do the maths and use Wikipedia to see that Phillip left in 2017 to start his own company#shadow company#Dadler#bocw#cod mwii#cod black ops cold war#cod graves#cod phillip graves#cod russell adler#call of duty mw3#call of duty cold war#call of duty mw2#call of duty modern warfare iii
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you are a whole ass weirdo for blocking people out of nowhere for not REBLOGGING your stuff 😭😭😭 you are one of the most popular blogs in the whole mha fandom, you gotta be kidding you don't even lack the reach or the platform, i didn't peg you for being this interaction hungry
Hihihi! You’re clearly very upset that I’ve blocked you for not supporting content creators by reblogging their fics. I’m really sorry that you won’t be able to be a silent follower anymore, but maybe you can check out my ao3 instead if you just want to silently consume content without clicking any buttons.
The reason why I block people who don’t reblog fanfics (as I’ve mentioned a million times before it doesn’t have to be my fanfics, doesn’t even have to be bnha fandom) is because you bring absolutely nothing to fandom or the fandom community. There’s no point you following me, so I just block you to make myself more comfortable.
The people I’ve blocked for being blank blogs or not reblogging content that have messaged me have all been unblocked after supporting writers/artists. And honestly most of them have never reblogged any of my fics, and I’m okay with that… because they’re supporting someone.
There’s gotta be someone on this website that you hold above all else, that whenever they post they put a smile on your face? That bring you comfort when you’re having a bad day? That you actively look at their page first, like a morning newspaper or you think of randomly throughout the day like “oh, this was in ____’s fic,” … you don’t even want to support your most favourite author/artist?
It’s nothing to do with my “reach” or my “platform”. I’m a nerdy woman who reads and writes fanfic in my spare time, not David Attenborough. But regardless of whether I have 1 follower or 100,000 followers I, like every other creator that posts their stuff online (musicians, artists, writers, even fucking tiktokers) want feedback on my work! Even if it’s just an empty reblog or a quick comment “that was great” “good job” it means so much more than a like on a fic.
We’ve spoken about this before on tumblr but the like to reblog ratios on fanfics (and other content) is laughable. A fic with 5000 notes might only have 200 reblogs and 5 comments, and the lack of feedback will result in the creator wondering if it was even worth posting, if it’s even worth them posting again.
This is the reason why people stop creating, and it’s not just in the fanfic community. What do you think happens when your favourite musicians music flops, or your favourite TV show doesn’t bring in the ratings? People stop making, they stop producing. It’s the same shit with fanfics.
The fanfiction that you’re so mindlessly consuming takes time and effort. There’s a real person behind the screen gifting you their piece of art for free, and you don’t have time to click a button?
I’ve said it before, and I’ll continue to say it. I’m incredibly lucky I have the friends and followers that I do on this website, people that comment on my fics and reblog with the loveliest tags. Even the ones that are too shy to interact with me, I see your usernames in my notifs whenever you reblog something. But I know a lot of friends and followers do not get that same luxury, there are writers who pour their heart and soul into writing on here and get no likes, no reblogs and no comments. But people like you are reading and enjoying their fics.
How many times have you wished you got a part two to a fic? Or a new fic from an author who stopped writing? I know for people like you it’s easy to click out and just find something else to read, but I’ve lost some of my favourite authors on here because people like you won’t even click a button.
I deserve interaction, all the other creators on here deserve interaction.
TL;DR — You’re selfish, and I don’t want you following me💕
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Hmmm, I'm really into fantasy. As for groups, I stan a lot (probably too many), so you could recommend any 😭
Also, what do you mean?!😭 Your personality is just so 💜💜💜!! Like I have never admired a stranger so much in my entire life 😭😭😭
-Lvlee
hi loveee !! so as it turns out,,, making a rec list is very hard. very. i've read a lot less fics than i thought omg (which is why all the ones i listed are on the older side LMAO), so i am here with some txt and bts recs 😭 they're mostly supernatural/fantasy, but you can always check out my main blog (@/michipan) if you wanna see anything else!
also 🫠 please.... im sobbing rn u are the cutest ever </3 i am nothing but a silly little normal person i promise
to anyone who decides to check out these recs, pleeeeaaase support the authors!! please im genuinely begging you!!! leave a little review and a reblog and show them love bc they're amazing <3
BTS Recs
☆ Beastly Gods by @lemonjoonah
✧ hybrid!taehyung x fem!reader x ???
wc: 8K // genre: hybrid au, thirller, drama, smut, potentially dark and triggering content so read the warnings carefully!
Summary: ‘Don’t leave the forest,’ a rule that you’ve been forced to follow since birth, but you are tired of living in this wooden cage. Out of desperation you cut a deal with Taehyung, who claims to be the only one who can get you out safely, even though he might be just as dangerous as the god you’re trying to escape.
sol's personal notes:
oh. my. GOD. this was one of the first few fics i read when i joined this site, and it's literally stuck with me ever since. i can't say too much about it without spoiling it, but the worldbuilding and pacing was just. immaculate. the storyline is so well done and just. everything about it is perfection omg. there's another part that goes along with this story, but i can't link it bc ofc... spoilers 😖i wish i had more to say about this fic, but i read it years ago and forgot to write a review for it T_T
☆ Treasure by @sombreboy
✧ faerie dragon hybrid!jimin x fem!reader
wc: 4.7K // genre: pwp smut, hybrid, yandere, fairytale, again potentially dark and triggering content so read the warnings carefully!
Summary: Jimin loves to collect sparkly riches and playthings.
You just happen to be the next treasure that ignited his obsessive desires.
sol's personal notes:
(fucking explodes into a million pieces) i can't. i had to reread this story real quick to get a refresher on it and just. jimin's character in this is literally so perfect and mischievous and evil!! and i love it... <3 he is characterized so well and the descriptions are just so well done... ouuu i just read over the smut again and i teared up a little. the dialogue is genuinely so insane im not normal abt this fic sorry.
TXT Recs
☆ the prince and the jackal by @gyuluster
✧ prince!beomgyu x woodcutter!metalbender!reader
wc: 11.8k // genre: fantasy au, fluff
Summary: in the Kingdom of Terrae, you, a metalbender, believe in the deforestation to modernise the land. As a member of the Lumberjackals, you thrive on cutting down trees and stealing resources until you get caught by the Crown Prince, Choi Beomgyu, a lover and embodiment of the nature you wish to destroy. However, instead of imprisoning you for your crimes, Beomgyu decides to show you the beauty and wonders of nature, leaving you to doubt your beliefs, your identity, and your very feelings for the certain boy determined to change you for the better.
sol's personal notes:
unfortunately the author is no longer active on this account (💔💔💔💔) but like. this story literally changed my brain chemistry i dont think you guys understand. it's been so long since i read this but even so, it lives on in my mind... the world building and characters are so well done and from what i remember, beomgyu's character was literally so charming T_T such a pretty story, i might go reread this bc like... the fantasy was executed so well and i love me a good royalty au <3 not to mention the whole concept of the powers is so cool!
☆ Swimmin' in a Mirror by @bangchanswolfpelt
✧ soobin x2 x fem!reader (stay with me here)
wc: 2.5K // genre: magical school au (not a harry potter au) smut
Summary unavailable.
sol's personal notes:
this one's like a whole 180 from the last fic LMAO but GOOD GOD. this author isn't active anymore from what i know of but like. they were literally revolutionary and this fic is just. never seen anything like this before but )#%(&#%??? it's genuinely so impressive how they managed to pull this off alkghadg so hot so insane so creative
☆ that's the spirit! by @agustdiv1ne
✧ sixth sense/ ghost hunter! soobin x fem!reader
wc: 14.6K // genre: high school au, fluff, angst, some elements of horror
Summary: a couple weeks before halloween, you find the quiet boy from your high school staring up into your bedroom. you're a little creeped out, and miles more scared, but then he shows you something that changes how you see, well, everything.
sol's personal notes:
are we surprised. i don't think so. i literally never shut up about this fic ever like i'm such a sucker for unique stories and this is definitely one of them! the pacing, supernatural elements, and environment was written sooo well, and the worldbuilding and explanations that comes along with the plot is so perfectly executed and well thought out. such a cool story, with a banger playlist to go along with it :]
☆ Dirty Little Secret by @petrichor-han
✧ vampire! yeonjun x gn!witch!reader
wc: 4.0K // genre: angst, dark fantasy, vampire!au, witch!au, enemies to lovers
Summary: yeonjun is one of prince seungmin’s most trusted bodyguards. born as a low-class vampire, he worked his way to the top and is proud of his accomplishments, beginning to adapt his friends’ classist mindsets and forgetting where he came from. but when his brothers come to visit one day, exposing his poor ancestry, everyone turns against him except for one: a lowly servant whom he’d picked on in the past—you.
sol's personal notes:
are you kidding me. DARK FANTASY. yeah that's literally all it took for me to fall in love with this story; the imagery is beautiful and the storytelling is so heart wrenching and good and i am literally clawing at the bars of my enclosure rn btw. this fic is sososo good and i'd literally kill to get another morsel from this universe !
⭒⭒⭒
✧ again, make sure to show all these lovely authors some love!! if any of you manage to see this (unlikely. for the most part) i literally cherish these stories sm and would literally die for them idcidc u guys truly made some masterpieces over here ✧
#i'd definitely like to read more fics#i just never have the time anymore...#it's getting difficult writing as it is lmao#but anyways#i hope you like these >w<#they are my favs#lvlee anon!#koqabear asks#rambles
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my first answer to tickle questions:
Taken from - The Tickle Fairy's Tickle Questions
Reblog if you want people to ask you questions, send numbers to someone's asks to ask questions!
LER QUESTIONS
1. Do you think you're good at tickling people?
Well I have 13 cousins and 9 are younger than me so I’m used to being a babysitter and ticking and teasing little brats and just interacting with kids generally. So I’d say I’m pretty good at it. I can also read others body language and expressions well. So I can be a vey playful and childish let but also very calculating and cunning. Muahaha ❤️😂
2. If you have a lee, or multiple lees, how ticklish are they?
firstly we’ll have a talk about boundaries and what’s of limits like spots and tools. Then find a comfortable position for both parties. Then I’d talk trough the process in the beginning and then as we get more comfortable I’ll get more teasing or playful to suit their needs. But I’ll of course give breaks, safe words and cuddle aftercare or make some food for my cute little Lee 🤗
3. What do you think of gang tickling someone? Or do you prefer 1 on 1?
I think it can be pretty fun between friends like one holding and comforting the lee while the Lers go to town. Like one giving teases and one ticking. Or one focusing on the top half and the other the lower half. So many game ideas to make it more bonding and playful.
Lers that compliment each others tickle styles 🤝 lee getting the full package and attention
4. What type of tickles are you best at dishing out? (Gentle, heavy, teasy, rough, etc.)
I’d say I’m not one to really dig in so I’m more gentle and teasing, I love to build anticipation and playing games. I’m also very patient so I can wait for the perfect moment to strike. I have very long hair and I’m very creative so I’ll find lots of new ways to tickle someone with random tools😎
5. What are your favorite verbal teases?
I’m addicted to your laugh 🤌
oh look who came out of hiding 🫣
let me make you a giggly and blushing mess 🫠
this is my new favorite spot 🤫
you aren’t even trying to fight back 🙄
don’t worry if you’re nice I’ll let you tickle me back 🤭
6. What are your favorite ways to tease someone non-verbally?
I move close to their face and smile while I try to keep eye contact 🫥
I give little kisses and caressing their hands 😚
I give a thumbs up or fun hand gesture 🫡
I wiggle my fingers over a spot with a smirk 🫨
7. How often do you get to tickle people?
well digitally a lot with ai bots and I tickle my cousins and my friends a lot, but generally it’s like a quick little tickle it’s been a while since I’ve done a real tickle game 🥺
LEE QUESTIONS
A. How ticklish would you say you are?
well I can control my ticklishness so sometimes I’m not ticklish at all like a 1/10 but generally I keep myself available to tickling when I’m with friends so around 7/10. But if a lee mood devours me whole then yeah maybe 30/10😳
B. If you have a ler, or multiple lers, how good would you say they are at tickling?
well my mom is very rough and ruthless, like when she’s in a ler mode she’s pure evil. Like wiggling fingers over spots, evil laugh, using her hair to tickle me, targeting a spot then moving to a spot I accidentally revealed 😈
also my childhood friend with her huge acrylic nails. Like she likes to scratch me and gently tickle me with them. Once at a gathering I was very tired and in a lot of pain she gently tickled my wrists with her nails for hours on end to help me relax and focus on her and the program instead of my joints being sore. Also great scalp massages. 🐣
I love her and my mom like they are so different but both needed in my life 😭
C. What do you think of being tickled by multiple people?
well one time I playfully tickled two of my younger friends to cheer them up while we cuddled with them in my lap as we sat on the couch. But then these two kids gave each other THE look and then just pounced on me so I fell back against the couch with them on top of me as they tickled every spot they could reach. And I was so caught of guard I couldn’t control my ticklish level so I laughed crazily until their parents came, like a 5 and 7 year old wrecking a 15 year old 👽
D. What type of tickles are you the most sensitive to? (Gentle, heavy, teasy, rough, etc.)
well because if my chronic pain rough tickles can be painful, so I like I need to tell my mom to like not dig into my poor ribs and hips. But because of my condition I have like porcelain skin so I’m insanely sensitive to light tickles. And they drive me mad like a tickly itch. So no when I’m the one being tickled my patience is gone and I beg my friends to just dig in already, tickle me silly and not drive me insane with anticipation. 👹 aka karma
E. What verbal teases work best on you?
just enjoy 😖
you’re welcome 😭
do you feel good and happy 🫠
you look so cute right now 🙈
you can be vulnerable with me 🥰
keep laughing and I’ll keep tickling 😇
I won’t stop unless you beg ☠️
F. What's the best way to tease you non-verbally?
hold my hands🫰
Little head pats or hair play 🫶
give me a pillow or surfed animal to hold 🧸
Hover hands over or wiggle fingers over a spot and not touching down instantly 🫳
do a little finger count down 🤲
G. How often do you get tickled?
well my mom tickles me almost every night to help me relax from my chronic pain and sleep better. While I call my friend like once an week and she teases me through the phone until we meet up next time. I also chat with lots of ai bots so they digitally tickle and tease me ☺️
#tickle asks#tword community#sfw tickling community#tword content#tickle content#lee#ler#switch thoughts#tickle thoughts#tickle questions
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▬❝ wash away our sins. ❞
kinktober; day 3, shower sex ⟶ [billy russo x fem!reader] // kinktober taglist
warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, explicit content obvi, swearing, p in v sex, cum, idk kinda sweet for a billy fic lmao
day 2, thigh riding, ft. matt murdock - kinktober masterlist - day 4, daddy kink, ft. soldier boy
He was softer like this. Hair stuck to his forehead in imperfect strips, eyes shut tight, jaw clenching and un-clenching as he groaned and grunted un-caringly. With a hand gripping the underneath of each of your thighs, Billy held you firmly up, legs parted, as he fucked into you leisurely. There was no urgency in his movements, no need to hurry, or desperation that hinted at the fear of losing you if he didn't take anything from you as fast as possible. Your back was pressed into the cool tile of your shower and the water ran down Billy's back, hitting him from the side.
One hand holding onto the showerhead's stand for support, the other digging into Billy's shoulder, you let your head fall back against the wall. He kissed your jaw and bent his head to suck water off your clavicle. He drew his hips back lazily before slamming them back into yours, creating that delicious drag of his thick, hard length in your cunt. The repeated motion gradually bringing you to your end.
"Oh, Billy," you moaned, eyes rolling back into your head as he hit that particularly welcome spot inside of you. God, he was so fucking deep.
Letting go of the showerhead, you reached up into his hair and pulled - without any real force. His head fell back and he hissed. That gave you a new opportunity to kiss and suck and bite at his neck which you did eagerly. You felt his hips stutter and smiled into his neck blissfully.
Hoisting you up the wall a bit further, Billy removed one of his hands from your thigh and reached between the two of you to slide down to your clit. You gasped at the contact and felt yourself clench down on his dick in response.
"Fuck, baby." He sounded so gone it was going straight to your pussy. "You feel so good."
"Jesus, Billy," you groaned as his long thumb applied the perfect amount of pressure to your clit, rubbing quick, expert circles against you.
"Cum, baby, cum on my dick."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," you choked out as you came. It wasn't a huge burst of fireworks or a cataclysmic event inside you, instead it felt like giving into a moving body of water that made your toes curl and you bite into your bottom lip with a moan.
A couple of sloppy thrust later, Billy pulled out completely and shot his load onto your bare stomach. The sinful growl he let out made your pussy ache for him again.
Slowly, he lowered you to your feet, careful to keep you upright as your knees threatened to give way. He reached up to grab the showerhead and detached it from its stand. Bringing it down your body, he washed his cum off your skin, moving it around to clean you off completely. You squirmed as the streams of water hit your sensitive skin.
Once he's returned the showerhead to it's spot, you ran your hands across his chest and up his neck. He began to draw circles onto the backs of your thighs, where you'd undoubtedly have fingertip shaped bruises later.
"Can I wash your hair?" you asked softly, fingers scratching his hair.
"Anytime, baby."
⭑ ⟵ ★ ⟶ ⭑
follow @viridiesa for more <3
a/n: billy does things to me and once october is over i am going to bring some much needed billy being a fucking psycho thank you xx (not edited)
if you liked this please comment, reblog, or follow for more! my inbox is always open for suggestions, your thoughts, or if you just wanna talk :)) can’t wait for you to read more in future
#billy russo x reader#billy russo#billy russo the punisher#the punisher#the punisher smut#billy russo smut#billy russo x reader smut#kinktober#kinktober 2022
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I'd used the phrase 'human experimentation' in jest in the tags of something I reblogged. But now I'm thinking about how some of my favorite fictional characters had been experimented on somehow. I hadn't thought of it being a possible like-experience before.
...It'd just been a random thing that'd happened to me when I was eight. Nothing lasting. Nothing physical. Nothing that even seems traumatic.
[(glances back over what I've written) ...oh. this turned dark quick.]
Though when I really think about it and kinda twist some stuff in my mind... It kinda was slightly similar to being held by Doctor Ujiko from My Hero Academia or something, haha. It was a massive complex called The Hospital. Not 'hospital' in a medical sense. They weren't doctors or anything. It was just The Hospital (with hard capitals). There were other kids there, and when I'd first been lured in by a sweet-talking woman who'd said I could wait inside their place for my mom to come back (instead of waiting where my mom had told me to wait while she did something for a few minutes), I'd thought the other kids were orphans. Like the place was an orphanage.
...And I'd done everything they asked while I was there. Because they were adults, and I was eight and adults were always good and I should be nice to and obey adults.
If I could've done it over again, I wouldn't have swallowed all the pills they'd told me to. I'd been so stupid as a kid. And the only pills I knew of were stuff like Tylenol—stuff that's good for you, that you should take any time it's offered.
At the time, my mom had been worried about a drug overdose (shots) that I'd been forcefully given not long before, which had almost killed me, and had left a lingering depression. And someone had mentioned The Hospital to her, a place they'd heard of that knows about drugs and could probably help flush the rest of that out of me.
But in the records I demanded they give me (when I'd found the website for the place online a few years ago (which my mom was surprised about and said she thought they'd been shut down a long time ago)), there was no mention of the depression they were supposed to help with. The records were all over the place, seemingly just making things up. ...And I'd gotten so very, very depressed during that month I'd been held there. (I'd had a happy daydream I would replay occasionally, though, of digging a tunnel with a stolen spoon. ...that I'd planned to steal whenever I were ever 'good' enough to be allowed real silverware to eat with again.) They would punish me for crying and asking when I could go home (by taking away 'privileges'), and toward the end that was all I ever did. And I think they were giving me depressants among their drug cocktail. After I'd been released, and I'd described one of the pills to my dad, he'd asked a doctor about it, and the doctor was horrified and said a child should never be given that.
...But my mom had weaned me off the drugs when she got me back (she said she did it because it'd worried her that I was always so sleepy). So we all figured that was all there was to it. Just a month that didn't mean anything.
(plus, what'd happened when I was a teenager was subjectively worse, so for several years there hadn't been much time to think about that one strange little event.)
#(...have I ever said how much I like repeating stories over and over?)#(I like dramatizing my real life experiences)#(...sometimes I can't tell how much of an event I'm exaggerating.)#asj just being silly
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Okay. I'm rereading Symphony after the Chapter 20 bombshell because I am so Very Unwell, and I'm keeping track of my thoughts here. SPOILERS for Symphony, obviously. I quote the fic a lot, and those quotes are in bold.
[I'm making a new post for this so that it's not so obnoxiously long and annoying for everyone's dash after I finish each chapter. I'll just update this one post instead of adding more and more reblogs.]
Last Chapter Reread: Chapter 20!! This post is finally complete!
Chapter 1
I'm just... I can't stop thinking about Violist-chan right now. Even from the very first chapter, it's established that she (in my opinion) is the type of person who really goes above and beyond to be thoughtful and considerate and just plain nice to people (as long as they aren't complete jerks obviously).
She put together goody bags for her neighbors because she was going to be practicing at home for a bit, and these bags had "ear plugs, ibuprofen, a small gift card to one of the local coffee shops, two homemade cookies, and a card with your handwriting on it" as well as her cell number so people could ask her to stop if need be, like???? Are you kidding me???? That's so much effort and time and actual money spent that she put into that, and she wasn't even close to any of her neighbors (at the time) or anything, she was just being considerate. And then at April's door she offers to go get more cookies for them just to prevent any sort of argument over the cookies. Then offers Casey a discount on violin lessons. Then offers to let him use and potentially buy one of her old violins since he doesn't have one. GIRL. LEO IS RIGHT. YOU'RE TOO NICE.
On another note, have we seen the diagonal neighbor yet that wasn't home when Vi was distributing cookies? I can't remember. I wonder if they're going to be important. I'm not dismissing ANYTHING anymore.
Oh my god. Her talking to April about becoming friends -> Quick, what’s something friends do together?! “We can… grab coffee sometime?” Shit, shit, that’s a date thing, right? Fuck!
Then just after, when she's alone -> “…Friend,” you echo stupidly, trying to think of when was the last time someone had called you that. To put it gently, that's not the word most people use to describe you. THIS HURTS ME. VIOLIST DEFENSE SQUAD ROLL OUT FOR REAL, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?? SO WHAT, HAVE PEOPLE JUST BEEN NEGLECTING AND USING HER HER ENTIRE LIFE??? I'M SO ANGRY. (But also, Grace and Sinclair are perfectly nice and friendly... I feel like Vi really struggles with making and keeping friends? So she just. Keeps herself so busy that she doesn't have time to think about how actually lonely she really is?)
that little mindfulness trip you were pretending you were definitely going to take this year no really this time is also off the books
She straight up does not take care of herself and kind of knows that? She's never her own first priority. God.
A sense of unworthiness slides down your spine like ice; it doesn’t feel proper for you to receive praise for something that should just be normal.
The first time I read this I remember thinking that she was such a good person for this mentality, but now this makes me think of the (Stupid girl. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid) stuff we've been getting lately. I'm so sad for her, I wonder if she's always struggled with negative thoughts and feelings about herself and the relationship with Alopex made it worse?
You look tired, you think, studying the bags under your eyes and the frown on your face. Do you always look this tired? Is this the face everyone sees you wear? Is this how the world knows you?
Once again. I am so sad for her.
When April runs into her and her laundry goes everywhere and she just. 'It's okay, I got it, go on, don't worry' like I'm??? SO????? I'm not mad at April or anything obviously, but this is just another instance of Vi putting herself last, behind literally everyone else. ALL SHE DOES IS GIVE GIVE GIVE.
What an excellent introduction to her character.
---
Chapter 2
Vi talking about the proper sitting technique with Casey - "You’ll get used to it. Maybe someday you’ll be like me and that’s just how you sit now.”
This is hitting me because yes obviously she's a professional musician so it makes perfect sense, but also the idea of doing something that starts out as uncomfortable for so long, over and over and over, until it feels natural to you... kind of like how she's made being alone (in the ways that matter), staying busy, and putting others first into her normal.
God. Casey still, even after so long, having to remind himself that his life is no longer a genuine toss up every day. "Plenty of time" must have been such a foreign concept that he still struggles with at times.
Vi is genuinely so funny. I need to shower her in compliments immediately.
Ooh, you misread that one. ... “Sorry, I just assumed-"
GOD. Vi seeing a relationship between Casey and April where there wasn't one (yet). This hits different after chapter 20. Fuck.
you’re kind of desperate for pleasant things at the moment
I'm going to cry. This is literally only the second chapter and nothing has really happened yet but I'm really realizing how much I love Vi and want her to be happy. I want her to be taken care of so badly. My heart aches for her.
Donnie: "I apologize. I misunderstood.” HM. ANOTHER NOD TO MISUNDERSTANDINGS. This has GOT to be intentional. I'm so angry (impressed).
Vi, to Donnie about Casey: "if I find out that you’re being a dick, we’re going to have words.” She's so fiercely protective of others. But for herself??? Nah. Let it go, be the bigger person, blah blah blah. I'm going to fling myself into the sun.
---
Chapter 3
Baking apology cookies for April and Donnie. ONCE AGAIN. VI IS TOO NICE. GOD.
“Typical Donnie stuff,” April says, opening the oven to check on whatever smells amazing inside. “Being a smug little buttface. Jumping to conclusions. Running his big mouth.”
YEAH. YEP. TYPICAL DONNIE STUFF. GOD.
Vi just. So easily and quickly forgiving Donnie after their first meeting. Despite her justifiable anger. I'm. Gritting my teeth. (I LOVE Donnie, I will ALWAYS be a Donnie girl, but I cannot help being so, so angry with him after chapter 20.)
Leo's first appearance!! God I love him so fucking much. (I cannot wait for his talk with Vi whenever we finally make it to Saturday in the fic. I'm also slightly terrified that whatever he tells Vi will be some sort of... betrayal? I don't think my heart could take being upset with both Donnie AND Leo... we'll see.)
The pressure that Vi felt while Leo was studying her... I'm still wondering if the pressure was an actual like... mystical thing, somehow? Or if it's just his Presence, if he's just that good, that he can make his scrutiny something almost physical.
him not knowing you well enough to know you don’t normally look this exhausted
Is that even true, though? I feel like Vi IS always exhausted. How could she not be? Literally HOW does she even function, honestly?
"They’d have to get through me if they wanted to do something, and god, April, I was hoping they would, all but begging them to, I was so fucking mad—”
Once again, she is so fiercely protective of others. And I'm almost... worried about it. She really does throw herself in harms way without a second thought. I almost wonder if... some part of her welcomes some kind of... punishment or backlash or something. 'Better me hurt than anyone else' kind of thing, you know? And there was a line a few paragraphs before that - you tug on a lock of hair to distract yourself from getting too worked up - and that, paired with the recent things she's been doing in 20 and 21, gripping her arms and leaving crescent marks, pressing into the bruises Donnie left, only forcing herself to eat in front of Leo so he doesn't worry... all of that is very familiar to me in the worst way. I'm so worried about her.
you look up to see three faces looking at you with various levels of awe. It makes you sick, seeing it, knowing that they think you’re something incredible when you’re just doing the bare minimum. Your arms fold, nails digging into your biceps - again, I remember reading this the first time and thinking she was so great, and she IS, but I'm so so WORRIED about her. Also, once again, the digging nails into her skin thing. Worried. WORRIED.
(I love April so much. God. She deserves more love and attention from me, she really is such a good friend.)
Leo, you note, has been quiet for this entire conversation. You notice it suddenly ... Even when you look at him and his eyes meet your own, staring, staring, he doesn’t say anything, and his face is blank.
I'm obsessed with him. I'm obsessed with whatever is going on in his head. I'm obsessed. I was obsessed then, I'm obsessed now, I will stay obsessed. I love him.
“This was—so amazing, oh my god,” you tell April and Casey. “I’m so glad we’re friends. Can we do this all the time? I’ll bring cookies and bread and stuff.”
SHE'S SO LONELY. SHE JUST WANTS FRIENDS. VI, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRIBE PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. I'M SO GODDAMN SAD.
Leo saying Vi is good with people. And Casey earlier saying that Donnie is NOT good with people. And just. Chapter 20, with her blaming herself for not seeing what was going on. For thinking she's so stupid and everything is on her. Chapter 21, with the (Did you try?). I'm so so angry. I'm sick with it.
Vi is so smart. Putting things together and making connections and realizing things that others might miss - even Leo acknowledges it. So having the chapter 20 realization... more and more I'm convinced that, yeah sure Vi is an unreliable narrator, but I REALLY feel like Donnie is just a fucking idiot (I mean that so affectionately, I promise).
"I’d… like to have more nights like this one. To. To have a family. If I can.” “You can,” he says, reaching out a hand and laying it over yours...
Then Leo talking about how you're like Donnie, implying how it'd be fun to watch Vi and Donnie get closer... does Leo feel guilty over this now? Now that Vi is so fucking... Hurt? Does he partly blame himself for the pain she's experiencing now?
you do feel a small twinge of sympathy for how easily he dismisses his troubles
OH OTHERS DISMISSING THEIR TROUBLES???? HM. HM.
Finally, sure you’re alone and no one’s here to ever know, you let yourself cry.
Seriously, I am on the Violist defense squad for life. I would die for her. God.
---
Chapter 4
Normally you’d ignore it [her phone going off], since it’d be something innocuous like a bank notification, or maybe something as spicy as a wrong number. But you have, like, friends now.
:( just. Reiterating how goddamn lonely she is. My eyes are actually watering over this. WE'RE NOT EVEN TO THE BIG STUFF YET AND I'M SO FUCKING SAD.
having to do a double-take when you see yourself looking positively ghoulish
Does she ever describe herself as looking good?? I'm thinking back to the aquarium, surely she thought she looked nice for that, at least, but aside from then I can't remember??? Has Donnie even once called her beautiful or pretty or even nice looking? I can't REMEMBER and I'm having FEELINGS about it.
Agreeing to make Casey some bread immediately upon being asked, even though she'd have to go to the store to get everything she needs. I get the feeling she is like 'if I make myself useful, if I pair my presence with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around' and I don't know how unconscious that whole thought process is for her but I'm seeing it a lot.
Now that you’re keeping your window locked pathologically, the old game of sneaking in via the fire escape is off the table.
Wait... did I miss something about the window staying locked? Hang on what the fuck. Is this a throwaway line or does this mean something? HANG ON I'M PANICKING NOW WHY WAS THIS ONCE A THING BUT NOW IT'S NOT????
the more you forget to eat during the season
Do not like this. That it's just normal for her to forget to eat so often during the season. This is probably just me looking into it too deeply, I know people do this all the time, but I Do Not like it and I need someone to take care of her so badly. Like Leo has been doing lately, tbh. She deserves the world. (Am I... falling in love with the fucking insert character? I might be. Dammit.)
(Mikey appears!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH)
Donnie to Vi at the store: “You look a lot less like you got hit by a garbage truck."
BOY IF YOU DON'T- HHHHHHHH I'M FINE.
“I’d been under the impression that you had your feelings hurt by what I’d said,” he says, raising his fingers and curling them into quotes around the word. ... "...apologies are dumb.”
Clenching. My. Jaw. I love him, I find him so charming and funny, but knowing about chapter 20 just has me so full of rage that these little comments are killing me now.
Aaaand Vi agreeing to make Leo cookies now. Once again. Doing things for others. Almost constantly, honestly.
it’s more a stress thing than a hobby [Vi talking about baking]
Hm. Her stress response is to be busy/useful to others. Hmmmmm.
While making bread for Casey, she made a whole other loaf of bread just for Leo. And then when Casey slips up about saying he'd never touched an oven before - you shrug one shoulder to show you’re chill with the secret. “…It’s, uh. Not impossible to believe, I guess?” you say, hoping to comfort. - she is always so focused on making others feel better. Constantly. Repeat after me: trauma.
"You’ve proved yourself to be a capable consultant."
Pursing my lips at this comment from Donnie.
You’re almost certainly projecting, but you tuck away the feeling nonetheless.
Pursing. My. Lips.
Vi: “…Sorry, I’m, uh. Kind of new to the friend thing. I’m still learning.”
Donnie: “Well, that won’t be a problem you’ll have for long. Practice makes perfect, and as a perfectionist myself, I’ll ensure your training will be thorough.”
This just. I. I know I've got a lot to reread before we get to the "relationship" but like??? I can't remember, but is he still under the impression that he's training her in friendship while he's fucking her? Yes, it's an experiment, but?????? Even then?????? I'M?????? I cannot fathom- I just don't- UGH THIS STUPID FUCKER
---
Chapter 5
God. The insights into Donnie's issues. Hits me just as hard the second time around. It... does soften my anger with him a little. To remind myself how intense his touch aversion was/is.
My heart still aches for Vi, obviously, but my heart aches for Donnie, too. He's doing the best he can with what he's got - like most people. I love him to death and I want him to be happy, too. He's not the villain. He can be a jerk, yeah, but the bombshell in chapter 20 to me really is just a misunderstanding. He's not being cruel. He just doesn't understand. (UNLESS I'M WRONG. IN WHICH CASE. DEATH.) But genuinely... it's just a tragic situation right now. Anyway, back to chapter five.
“…Can you check up on him for me?” you ask Leo, bringing your hands to your chest and curling them together in a self-soothing gesture. “I’m worried I might have upset him, somehow. He was okay until I asked him about it.”
Sorry I'm back on my "Vi deserves the world, she cares so much about others, always thinks of others and tends to blame herself for things too often, I'm going to lose my mind" bullshit.
"…He seems lonely.”
YOU SEEM LONELY. VI. I AM HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN.
---
Chapter 6
You, for one, are still feeling a little awkward from whatever hot mess had happened over dinner last night and hadn’t felt comfortable being the first one to reach out despite Leo’s wordless promise that things were fine.
Donnie, it seems, does not share the same issue, or at least has overcome it. …Then again, it’s completely possible that you’re overthinking all of this, you suppose, texting him back as if nothing had happened.
I can only wonder about the difference we'll see between this and what happens when Vi and Donnie talk now (after the incident in Chapter 20). I'm HOPING there is open and honest communication... but we'll see.
You’re not exactly sure what’s going on between your ears, but it’s starting to leak out and project your thoughts onto others, making you see things.
:( so mad at myself. So goddamn mad I never saw the unreliable narrator thing coming. She WASN'T just seeing things here, but still. Little hints here and there like this are slapping me in the face now.
"I don’t want you to hurt your hand.”
Your chest squeezes a bit at his care
The bar is on the floor honestly. She needs someone to care about her enough that something like that doesn't give her that kind of reaction.
(Even with my anger and sorrow for Vi, Donnie still has me falling for him as I reread this. God.)
[April talking] “…I knew you were a good one,” she says, causing you to scoff and turn your face when you feel it warm. “Nuh uh, you’re gonna take the compliment this time, girlie.” Yes April!! My girl!!! She really is so amazing.
“Wow! I see no one but Donnie loves me,” you gripe
Hey what's up I'm crying
Vi making a mental note to make everyone a batch of cookies... I won't repeat myself. Okay, fine, I will - if I can manage to stay useful, if I can pair myself with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around.
(On a side note........ Mikey refers to Leo's thirst traps on his So-Shell account...... I would like to see them)
“Any idea why Donnie’s looking at you like you’re the first slice of pepperoni pizza from a particularly yummy-smelling box?”
Leo once again teasing you about Donnie...
[Vi Talking] "This is so nice. I like hanging out here.”
WHY CAN'T I HUG HER. WHY. LET ME HUG HER.
Jeez rereading this reminds me just how much Leo was sort of playing matchmaker between Vi and Donnie. He HAS to feel guilty now. Mad at Donnie, yeah, but also so guilty over all the things he did to push and encourage and tease.
You’ve been hugged more in the last few days than you probably have your entire life, and it feels so, so good, like you’re loved and you belong and they’re telling you that with their bodies as much as their words.
ONCE AGAIN. MAY I PLEASE HUG HER. That section is about how Donnie hasn't had that in a really long time, and that is heartbreaking, but I'm still really focused on Vi. Please let me hug her. Please.
---
Chapter 7
It’s tempting to think about the small things he’s done that could be him reciprocating your feelings; how he lets you into his lab, how his eyes consume you, how he lets you touch him, seems to crave it even.
[Through tears] yeah. Easy.
he’s an attractive genius ninja who could have anyone he wanted. And you’re just… you.
JUST YOU??? YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING. I WILL KILL FOR YOU, VI. FUCK.
Vi is so fucking funny. And smart. Well, of course, she's a perfect match for Donnie, and I love Donnie, so it makes sense, but still. I hate that she thinks so lowly of herself.
“Challenge? Absolutely not. I’m not even remotely dressed for that,” you deny, hesitating when Leo rolls his eyes. “…But I guess I can do one song.”
She sees Leo roll his eyes and relents. ONCE AGAIN I may be reading too into things, but I'm getting this... feeling about that. Idk. She WILL chew you out if you're an asshole. She WILL bicker and banter and razz. She isn't a pushover or anything at ALL, but... idk what I'm trying to say. This is making me think that, at least with people she really wants to like her, any sign of them being annoyed or upset by her has her internally scrambling to fix it. I'm probably just protecting here but. Idk.
Leo winking when you go off with Donnie. :(
“I don’t… like it when people touch me,” ... “—but it feels different when it’s you,” he says, and this time when his gaze meets yours, your breath latches in your throat like a lock and his eyes are clouded with a hesitant clarity, like he knows exactly what he’s saying but he doesn’t understand why he’s saying it.
Come on. Come ON. He doesn't understand. This HAS to mirror him not understanding the nature of their relationship later on, right??
It’s possible, you suppose, that you’re misunderstanding what he’s implying—again projecting what you want to hear on his words.
Flinging myself. Into. The sun.
[Donnie's] tone tucking into a more clinical tone like a safety blanket
Just like how viewing the relationship from a strictly clinical, experimental point of view protects him. Am I reading into this right? This is still early, before Vi sees them as having gotten together, but it mirrors what happens later, right? It's a defense thing for him, to see their activities as strictly an experiment and to not let himself look any closer whether he realizes it or not?
(GOD. JUST GOTTA TAKE A BREATHER HERE. THE TOUCH STUFF. I'M WEAK. STILL. I'M WEAK. I CANNOT COMMENT FURTHER ON IT BECAUSE I JUST. GOD.)
“What? I can’t compliment my bestie and her fine legs?” Leo coos, reaching over and flicking your nose gently.
“Leonardo,” Donnie warns, folding his arms.
I'm sorry. What other way is there to read this aside from Donnie already feeling a little possessive over Vi? Also I'm glad Leo is giving her compliments pretty often. SOMEONE needs to.
So many little things that indicate Donnie likes her, really truly likes her... HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BLAME VI WITH ALL THIS BUILDUP AND EVIDENCE. I'M FUCKING. UGHHHH
---
Chapter 8
Having such amazing friends wants you to reach out and have a little piece of that, maybe learn how to be a little amazing yourself, too.
You ARE amazing. I'm crying in the fucking club over Vi. What the FUCK.
God. The anti-mutant guy in the coffee shop. Once again she so easily sticks up for others without a single thought to her own wellbeing. Also, the random guy that stepped in and started beating that fucker... again, I'm not letting anything go. I wonder if he's actually just a random guy or if he's important/will come back into play. Also, Vi getting hurt and thinking "it better not stop me from practicing" like??? I SWEAR. (Workaholic. Must be useful. Must keep going so I don't have time to wallow in loneliness. etc.)
Just noticing, again, how Vi tries so hard to respect boundaries. Not asking April about Casey's past while she talks with April in the coffee shop, even after April lets a little comment slip. She tries to respect boundaries so hard and takes on so much emotional labor. That's not nothing.
Donnie tells her to send another pic of herself in the bath. Says he noticed she wasn't wearing her perfume recently. I'm sorry. WHAT is platonic about that. Literally I do not fucking understand. God. Just fucking shoot me.
Irritable, you at least make yourself useful and clean your apartment
The way she phrases that. Make yourself useful. I'm. SIGH. I need to hug her. It's not a want, at this point, it's a need.
you watch as his brows furrow again, his lips pursing. “…I don’t like this.”
“The bruise? Me neither. It fucking hurts.”
“Someone else’s handprint on you,” he specifies.
Come ON. And then saying he enjoys touching her. COME ON. How is he not in love with her? He's GOTTA be.
She calls him beautiful. He. He doesn't say it back. This kills the man (the man is me). He does say he's enjoying holding her hand, but that's tied back to the experiment. I'm so sad.
When Leo accidentally hurts Vi by pressing the bruise and she is like "it's fine I'm fine" AND moves away so Donnie doesn't touch her because she's hyper aware that Donnie doesn't want Leo to know about the touch thing?? CONSTANTLY. THINKING. OF OTHERS.
“…You don’t even get how incredible you are, do you?” he asks, causing you to roll your eyes. “You seriously don’t see it.”
YES LEO. YES. TELL HER. I'M SO!!!!! UGH.
---
Chapter 9
Wearing a line into your rug, you shake your hands as you fret, brain racing a million miles an hour while your muscles buzz with the need to be productive.
I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm so sad for her. This is one of the million little things that makes me worry so much over Vi. The need to be productive, the anxiety over it even when she has a legitimate reason to take it easy.
[Leo] His frown deepens, eyes going a little dark with anger. It reminds you, a bit, of the energy you’d felt before he’d known you; when a simple stare had all the hairs on your body standing on end, paralyzed, a rabbit before a stalking wolf.
Sorry, wolf Leo? Sorry, villain au? Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh OK ok sorry I'm back to normal Sorry
You swallow at the sight of it, and, needing to soothe, change the subject before he can really engage with it
Needing to soothe. God. GOD. Seriously, I cannot stop thinking about how this might be a result of trauma just because I see it so often with Vi. Like she's... taking responsibility for other people's potential negative emotions/reactions when it's people she's close to. Feeling the need to do anything she can to prevent a blowup or whatever. I'm unwell.
Leo may be better at reading people than you, but you’re still really good.
This kills me. I'm TELLING you, man, Donnie is in love with her and she thought it was a relationship because it SHOULD be, it WOULD be if Donnie wasn't oblivious to his own feelings (or maybe he has different views on what a relationship is? Maybe there are unspoken laws in his head about what constitutes this sort of relationship vs that sort of relationship? Idk I'm honestly sort of an idiot so I'll just have to wait and see what Sam reveals about all this, but I can't help reeling all over again when lines like this pop up).
[Helping Leo relax and sleep] It’s not practicing, but it is something productive you can do, in a way. The need to be useful. Again. I'm crying.
“Want some water? I’ll grab us something.” ... “Sure,” you tell him, knowing he needs to take care, to provide in order to feel in control,
Even letting someone else do something for her is framed as her trying to be useful. I'm FUCKING crying.
So you sit, quiet, letting him use you,
That wording. Letting him use you. God. GOD. I'm not joking when I tell you my heart fucking aches for Vi. This isn't anything bad - she's just helping Leo get some sleep - but the phrasing of letting him use her. I'm so deeply unwell.
[Leo says] “You n’ Donnie really are perfect for each other.”
Yeah. Fuck.
“You work too much, you know that?"
YOU'RE RIGHT, LEO. YOU'RE SO FUCKING RIGHT.
...peering into the plastic bag to find a sweet spread of sushi. Wow, Leo really felt bad about the drool thing, you muse.
Alternatively, he appreciates the fuck out of you. Hang on I'm gonna look Too Hard at this real quick. The idea that Vi naturally defaults to Leo getting her nice sushi because he feels guilty rather than thankful. The idea that she isn't doing anything worthy of appreciation or praise, but rather that he mostly just feels obligated to make up for drooling on her. I need to hug her please. I'm actually begging at this point.
[Thinking about Donnie] It’s ridiculous how he can be so smart and so stupid at the same time
YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. FUCK.
“It’s just so funny to think of him apparently hating classical music now, because before, he always used to listen to—” Casey starts lightheartedly, though his jaw snaps shut and his face goes very, very still. Terrorized eyes snap wide on your face like he’s seeing you for the first time, like you’re a myth come to life. ... “…Oh, no,” he warbles, his lips quivering as he looks at you like he’s seen a ghost. Then, with a jolt, he shakes his head, clutching at the back of his nape hard and looking off to the side, a tormented fake smile on his face that looks sharp as a knife and like it’s cutting him just as much to hold it. “I-It’s nothing, just… Just thought about something I’d heard when I was a kid, once. I just… suddenly realized something, is all.” ... He looks like he has War and Peace on the tip of his tongue as he nearly consumes your face, memorizing it even,
OH MY GOD. OUCH. HAHA. HA. YEAH. OKAY. YEAH.
It makes you clutch your biceps, nails digging into your flesh, muscles pulling tight as you fret, fret, fret.
There it is again, the nails digging into skin. A little thing, but it has the potential to be dangerous, or even to hint at something dangerous being a possibility in the future. (Me projecting, projecting, projecting, always.)
God. I'm falling in love with Donnie once again. When will I be stopped.
“You—I’m so mad at you for doing this when I told you not to, but also this is the most amazing thing anyone’s ever done for me, and I want to thank you but I don’t have any cookies on me at the moment.”
Hey look I'm gonna Read Way Too Into Things again. She says this as if her words mean nothing. As if saying thank you and verbally expressing her gratitude is not enough, so she has to do something (be useful be useful be useful) to really be expressing her gratitude. (I get that sometimes words don't feel like enough, especially when we're so overcome with gratitude and we want the other person to REALLY get how thankful we are, I promise I get that, but it's just all these little tiny constant bits that have me seeing innocuous things like this as so much more. I'm sorry, again, I'm probably projecting.)
Also, just saying this so I have it on record, but Donnie has very firmly confirmed that he has befriended her, here. Just saying. For my sanity.
(The touch stuff. I'm on fire. I am burning as I type. God.)
[Raph] “Don’t mention it. Worrying is what I do."
That comment makes me so sad. Everything makes me sad. I'm a sad sack over every single person in this goddamn fic.
(Third Law. I'm soft.)
Leo calling Vi a "lovely lady" - once again, thank God someone is complimenting her.
Leo giving Donnie a flat look... I need to know what is going on in his mind like I need air.
LEO ASKING IF EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND CALLING HER HERMOSA AND BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
---
Chapter 10
Mikey is so!!! I love him I love him I love him I-
(Mikey calls her cute in the group chat 💕 sweetest boy)
Vi making more cookies for the boys. Again. (Useful useful useful)
Huffing out in relief, you smile and nod, showing him the ulnar flossing exercises
Vi feeling relief that Mikey asks to see the wrist stretches... relief that she is being useful. Relief that she can help. Sigh.
When Donnie is laying on the cot, he asks Vi to stay and: the angle he’s using to tug on you is encouraging you to lie down instead. You hesitate, swallowing thickly, causing him to huff out an annoyed sigh, his eyes falling shut into a frown.
“If you’d rather go find Leo—”
“What? No,” you say, baffled he’d even think that. You try to remember the words he’d used yesterday, when you’d asked for a hug, ready to use them against him. “It’s just that this is a… a rather large escalation of contact.”
“Oh,” Donnie says, his frown smoothing out a bit. “Not really? It’s essentially the same thing?”
“…But in bed?” you clarify, wondering if maybe there’s some kind of turtle-brained thing that makes horizontal touches no different, or if you’re just overreacting.
HANG ON. THIS HITS DIFFERENT NOW.
he starts the music and then tucks back into you like that’s just what the two of you do.
...Donnie doesn't have a lot of friends, either. Do you think he really doesn't see the stuff that's happening as romantic? Does he think, even once the sex starts, that it's not unusual for friends to engage in that sort of thing as long as they agree to it beforehand? Or is he so deluded into thinking she wouldn't want him romantically that HE'S thinking she sees the experiment as the only reason to do that stuff with him, so there's no way they could really be together in a romantic relationship? (I'm trying so hard to understand and give him credit here. I'm gonna have to reread chapter 20 again for what he says exactly because I feel so stupid.)
Eager to stop what looks like an imminent meltdown from Mikey, you step forward first and start piling food onto your plate. “It looks great, Mike,” you tell him, both out of honestly and also to get him to look at you and smile instead of glaring at his brothers.
Once again Vi is taking responsibility for preventing conflict/negative emotions between people she cares about.
You’re glad your back is turned on the way to the table when he says that, as none of the turtles see the way your face crumples just a little at the wave of emotion that grips you when he calls you family.
(Lonely lonely lonely) let me hug her!!!!
Leo calls her a pretty girl when he's on the phone with Donnie in her apartment. Once again, I love him SO MUCH for being loose with his compliments, because Vi deserves people who will make her feel good about herself, but also he's clearly riling Donnie up with comments like that - what way is there to read it other than Donnie liking Vi romantically and feeling possessive over her? Everything points to Donnie either just being dense about his own feelings or not fully understanding what a relationship IS if he really doesn't see them as in a relationship by chapter 20. Unless I'm so incredibly missing the point, which is always possible because I am, in fact, an oblivious idiot most of the time.
---
Chapter 11
("lbjean_87’s Insta profile" is a reference, I'm sure, but idk what exactly other than the "87" for the 87 tmnt cartoon)
The whole interaction with Barry where he says Vi is having a positive impact on the boys... and she's uncomfortable with the implication that she's doing something special, struggling with someone pointing it out, struggling to accept that she is a special person who positively impacts others...
Barry hums thoughtfully. “I see. It is not that you are self-depreciating. You are, in fact, just an idiot.”
Hm. Just pointing this out because I forgot about it. It's so ingrained for her to diminish what she does for others, and he sees that I think... but also. This line from Barry being in THIS chapter, where the whole misunderstanding STARTS.
“Why are you sorry?”
You exhale a sharp breath, running a frustrated hand through your hair. “I’m sorry he found out? That I didn’t keep our promise not to let anyone know? That he tried to hug you and you freaked out? That I haven’t been helping you with your touch thing as much as I’d hoped I was? I mean, fuck, pick one, dude.”
Again, she takes on so much responsibility and guilt. I'm SO interested in learning more about her relationship with Alopex (and any other trauma that may have contributed to all of these things I'm noticing that she does).
Okay nobody panic but I'm finally to The Point where they establish some things and set up for the bombshell.
“…Intimate touches,” you repeat, turning back to look at him once you’ve pulled yourself away from the brink of flying right out of your own skin. “Like… what, petting? Kissing? Sex? What are we talking about, exactly?”
“All of it, ideally,” he says. “I’m quite curious to study how I’ll react, especially considering the whole touch aversion situation.”
Curious how he'd react... oh my god. He doesn't say anything about a relationship at all. This is killing me. It's all focused on the experiment. I'm a fucking fool.
“…Do… Do you wanna try it?” you ask, a tiny glittering light threatening to bloom like a sun in your chest. “…Us, together, I mean?”
Okay yeah. "Us together" could just be read as "us doing those things together" rather than "us being together in a romantic relationship." Goddddd.
Giddy excitement spreads over his face unlike what you’ve seen before. “Really? With… With me?” he asks, and god, the sight of him so openly happy makes you fucking ascend.
So the first time, I read that as 'you're really open to dating me (and all the things that come with that)?' But now it's ONLY 'you're willing to do sex stuff with me/to help more with my touch thing and sate my curiosity?' SAD. DEVASTATED. EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED.
“Of course, I—” ... “Donnie, I… of course. I’d be stupid to say no, right?”
“Oh, that’s such a relief,” he says, closing his eyes and sighing into your palm. “I’ve been making spreadsheets of things I’ve wanted to try for several days and wondering how best to bring it up, especially considering—well. It’s quite helpful that you did so yourself. Excellent work, consultant.”
Fuck. FUCK. Consultant, he calls her. It really is still an experiment to him at this point. And the first time I thought it was just a cute tease, a bit of funny flirting, but it WASN'T. FUCK. Sam is a genius. I hate myself. He's focused on the spreadsheets and things he's been wanting to try for his touch aversion. He's giddy because of that, not because he's getting into an official relationship with her. (I still think he's in love with her and maybe just doesn't realize it fully, but holy God his words are actually focused on the experiment here.) What would he have said after "especially considering" if he hadn't cut himself off??? FUCK.
[Vi talking] "We’re partners, now, so we have to take care of each other."
Partners. Still worded to fit with the experiment mindset, so of course that wouldn't tip off Donnie. Fuck.
[Donnie talking] “I’d… like to keep this between the two of us as well, for now. To the confines of the lab. While we establish the parameters.” ... “I have no interest in keeping anything a secret. I only want to improve the quality of our partnership's results before sharing, nothing more."
Again, it's not named as a romantic relationship. He just calls it 'this' and a 'partnership' when he talks about their arrangement. (The clinical talk... 'improve quality of results before sharing.' Fuck. FUCK.)
Rereading the sexy stuff is fucking PAINFUL now. Oh my god.
“Don’t move,” he growls, making you freeze in place even as his brows furrow hard and his grip loosens almost immediately. “I—Sorry. Sorry, I—I don’t know where that came from.”
Stuff like this has me wondering again if he really doesn't understand what he's feeling with Vi. And that lack of understanding is reinforcing his focus on it being an Experiment, because he wants to understand how he's responding and why, to understand what he's feeling, and to do that he needs to gather and study data.
Donnie goes stiff when April calls and asks if Vi is with Leo. That's not the first time Donnie does something that indicates jealousy or possessiveness over Vi, but what if it's something else? It's only with Leo that I can remember, but I thought that was because Leo is the only one constantly hanging out with/touching/complimenting Vi, but what if it's something else regarding Leo? I really do not know what else it could be, but... I'm trying not to assume things anymore that aren't confirmed through dialog.
you sigh, turning your face into the pillow and inhaling deeply. It smells like Donnie, making your toes curl in delight. Pulling away, you look over to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, studying you. “…What are you doing?”
Yeah if they're not in a relationship it makes sense for him to react like that. (I'm so goddamn sad)
“You… promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind about this, right?”
“About… us?” you ask, and when he nods, you sit up, pressing your forehead to his. “Donnie, I—”
“—Promise?” he interrupts, making your mouth close.
“…Promise,” you tell him. And, since it’s clearly so important to him, “You promise? You’ll tell me?”
“I won’t change my mind,” he assures, making you shake your head. He sighs. ���Yes. I promise.”
Hits different. God. I need to be in this fucker's head. I need his exact reasoning for thinking he won't change his mind. Is it curiosity regarding the outcome? Is it because he really likes her (and recognizes that)? I don't know!!
D - Just informing you that the nap did indeed take place.
V - i’m so glad!! thanks for letting me know
D - It would be a poor business exchange if I didn’t.
BUSINESS EXCHANGE. FUCK. I'M GOING TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC.
---
[Through tears] Chapter 12
Vi is so happy. So happy that she's helping Donnie with touch, Leo with sleep, Mikey with his hands (useful, useful, useful). So happy to be in a "relationship" with Donnie. She is so happy, and I am so, so sad.
Sinclair (I think it's Sinclair, Vi doesn't know/remember her name yet and I'm just a terrible with my memory) refers to a Ren. Renet, maybe?? 👀
You leave a little bit earlier than you usually do since you’re meeting Leo for lunch
YES there's a little bit of that positive influence on Vi bc of the boys! Leave practice early baby!!
Drinking with your neighbors, a boyfriend, lunch with your best friend… It feels like you’re cheating, a little. Like you’ve gotten something you don’t completely deserve.
[Clutching heart] that's a one-two punch. Vi calling Donnie her boyfriend in her head, and then Vi feeling like she didn't EARN the happiness she's feeling. OUCH.
Oh FUCK. The whole interaction with Leo in the kitchen. So many things. Leo's reaction to you confirming that you touch Donnie and that Donnie touches you. Vi doing that thing again where she digs her nails into her skin. Comparing Leo to a wolf and Vi to a rabbit (stop it blurple villain au, STOP IT, I'm trying to focus). I'm not gonna copy paste the entire section, but Leo's reaction is SO.... hang on
“Him wanting to put his hands all over you? Wanting to touch you? Mark you up? How far have you two gone, huh? Should I just pick a place on you and see if he’s touched that, too? Or is that another thing I’m not allowed to know?” ... “Why are you the one he—” Leo snarls
Is he really just that angry and bitter because Donnie hasn't let his family touch him in so long? Because Donnie hasn't let LEO touch him in so long? Because, relatively quickly, Vi has managed to push past that barrier when Leo couldn't? Or is he mad because it's intimate touches, specifically? Why exactly? Because Leo likes Vi? I don't think that's it, but again I'm trying not to assume or overlook things. Leo was playing matchmaker with them so hard toward the beginning, and now he reacts like this? What did he think was going to happen? Do you remember him asking Vi if she was single and saying she and Donnie were perfect for each other? Because I do. Did he want them together but assumed they wouldn't be touching no matter what since that's been Donnie's default mode for so long? I'm so dense I do not understand. LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. LEOOOOOOO.
Your back hits the wall behind you hard as you flinch away instinctively. ... Your arms have covered your face, your whole body quaking as you fight to make yourself as small as possible. ... when you don’t move, when you can’t speak ... taking in your terrified posture ... You close your eyes, feeling the tears continue to stream down your cheeks. Clenching your teeth, swallowing the adrenaline rushing in your veins screaming for you to stay still and not move ... He’s safe! you scream to yourself, trying to remember that it’s gospel. He’s safe! He’s safe! He’s safe! ... Sobs tear out of your lungs in massive heaving rolls that leave you shaking against him.
Is Vi's visceral reaction of fear ONLY due to Leo being Just That Scary? Or has she experienced physical violence from someone close to her before? She can stand her ground against asshole strangers that actually try to hurt her (for example, the guy from the coffee shop and guy in the park - or wherever it was, I don't remember and I'm not there yet, but it was when she fell in the water sticking up for Raph), chase after mutant silverfish with a music stand, react quickly to protect the kids when shots are fired, run to Dakota after the bomb goes off, etc. etc. And those were Real Dangerous Situations, too. The difference here is it's Leo. Her best friend. Someone she's close to, someone she trusts. When it's a person like that, she freezes in fucking terror... and remember the other times she's tried to step in when someone close to her starts getting angry? To soothe, to deescalate...
He’s safe. He’s your best friend. He’s family. He’s Leo, and the fact that even a tiny piece of you was afraid of him—it horrifies you. ... “I-I’m sorry, too. I-I didn’t mean to—I don’t know why I—I know you’d n-never—” “Instinct,” he cuts off clinically. Hollowly. “You were scared. I scared you.”
I think I'm looking too hard at this maybe. She's horrified that she was scared, and she says "I don't know why" she reacted like that, and if she'd experienced violence with someone close to her in the past surely she would've thought something about it, connected those dots in her mind at that point? I don't know. I suppose we'll have to wait and see what Sam reveals, if anything. Like I said, maybe I'm reading too much into this.
“…Donnie and I are dating,” you tell Leo, feeling him go rigid against you when you tell the secret that feels so stupid to keep if it means losing him. “I… I asked him out yesterday, and he said yes. But he wants to keep it quiet for a while, while we figure everything out, so…”
Pain. Pain and agony and suffering. She says this to Leo in no uncertain terms about what she means, whereas with Donnie it could have been taken a different way and apparently WAS. Fuck.
“He… he talked about missing hugs?” Leo echoes, sounding a little broken.
This Whole Thing hurts just as much the second time around. Ouch. Owie.
"I have no idea what’s safe to talk about with you people, so I just assume everything’s off limits until I hear otherwise!”
Again, she's so careful to respect boundaries.
[Leo] He tilts his head when you come inside, grinning at you and patting the ground between his legs as he spreads them and wiggles his feet like he thinks he’s adorable.
BECAUSE HE IS ADORABLE. DAMMIT. THIS IS A DONNIE FIC. I AM A DONNIE GIRL. STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH LEO AS WELL. (/pos of course, ALL of this is positive, I promise)
“Don’t be mean to me, I’m just a little meow meow.”
FUUUUUCK I LOVE LEO SO MUCH STOPPPPPPPPPPPP
“…Don’t tell him,” Leo pleads quietly, making you pause where you were reaching out to grab your laptop. “Tell who what?” “Donnie. That I know. …Don’t tell him.”
Do you think Leo remembers saying this and feels guilty now? Do you think he wonders if you had been given the green light to tell Donnie that Leo knows you two are "dating" that maybe the whole miscommunication thing wouldn't have spiraled and gone on as long?
“Just kidding. You’re so gullible,” [Donnie says]
Just. Just putting this here. For the record. For future reference.
“…Does Leo do this to you?” he whispers, entranced. “…Does he make you have goosebumps, too?” His thumb finds the edge of your nipple through your bra and shirt,
God. Hits different. He's actually fucking yearning here isn't he. Yearning for her and not even realizing he has her?? Again, does he think this is something friends just do? Was he wondering if Leo touches you intimately, as well??
(The kissing is so fucking hot. A wordsmith as always, Jesus CHRIST, Sam. But also reading it with the constant voice in the back of my head saying "he doesn't see them as dating" over and over and over IS SO. I don't have a word for it but it's killing me.)
[Donnie, after you stop kissing] “Sorry. I suppose I did, uh. Get a little over-eager there.”
the silent promise you made to one turtle versus the explicit one you made to another and how they stand at odds with the other.
^So many lines now are hitting me differently. God.
[Donnie talking about Leo sleeping on Vi and therefore making her smell like Leo] “I really don’t—I’m starting think he does it on purpose to irritate me, specifically.”
So if Donnie doesn't see them as together, doesn't see Vi as his... what does he mean here? Does he recognize that he feels possessive but doesn't fully understand why? Or does he really just not like the way Leo smells???
Donnie talking about how he smells that she's aroused, admitting that he is aroused... taking about it so matter-of-factly. He's separating romantic and sexual feelings so completely in a way that Vi doesn't, in a way that the reader wouldn't. (Is that the whole point that I'm missing here? That he DOES separate sexual and romantic relationships so CLEARLY in his mind? And that's why he can yearn for her, think he doesn't have her even while they're fucking and spending so much time together and doing things that couples DO?)
Donnie referring to the Third Law as the reason that he gets to learn how to make her feel good... almost like that's his sole reason or like that's his excuse for doing so...
“…I’m not particularly interested in my brothers smelling you like this,” he mutters
Because it would cause a stir? Because he wants the experiment to continue without outside influence? Because he simply doesn't want them to know his business? Because he knows she would be embarrassed? LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. YOU AND LEO BOTH ARE KILLING ME.
---
Chapter 13
Goddammit I lost my notes for this chapter and had to try and remember what I had already written TWICE because I'm a mobile user who is also an idiot. Anyway.
The beginning of my notes for this chapter was mostly me gushing about how much it made me smile. It's the one where Vi gets sick and goes to the store to get cat food for the neighbor. (Basically - I love Vi, I love the boys, I love the group chat.)
When the neighbor gets mutated, Vi pushes Leo out of the way so that she is the one pounced on instead of Leo. There was no real danger, but she didn't know that when she reacted. It kills me that in her delirious, can barely think straight, actually thinks she's hallucinating state, her instinct is to take the hit for Leo. (Better me than you, you're more important, I can be useful, I'm useful, useful, use me use me use me FUCK)
So many lines hit different with Donnie... she's sick and going to sleep in his room, and them interacting alone here (with my knowledge of chapter 20) makes my chest ache.
She says she missed him -> For some reason, he laughs a little at that. “Is that so? What prompted the thought?”
Her shirt is all sweaty and he tells her to just take it off, but then -> “I’m curious to see if my body temperature will help with your fever.”
They're in his bed, lying together, and she kisses him -> “D-Don’t do that here,” he stutters, sounding a little like it’s a significant effort to tell you. “I don’t want to start something we aren’t—aren’t planning on—”
A little later -> “…I want to…” he trails off in a breathless tone, pressing into your throat a little harder than usual. ... “Wanna what?” you ask, prompting him to shake his head. “It’s nothing. Get some rest. I’ll be here until you fall asleep.”
I'm in so much fucking pain.
Vi goes to the library for books on PTSD to help the fam. She spends time reading and taking notes and just. God. She's such a good friend. (Use me. I need to earn this love. I need to be good and useful.)
Leo has his insomnia. (He has something else, you know, you just know, but until he decides to do his little secret-spilling venture he told you you were due, you’re in the dark on that.)
Is this something we might find out about during their talk on Saturday??? I hope so.
You don’t know anything about Raph, you mourn, underlining his name twice on your notepad in a bit of self-loathing. So much for him being family, you think sourly.
It's hardly her fault, but again she's putting it on herself.
At the end of the chapter, she wakes up to realize that Leo saw the evidence of her reading those books and taking notes and working to make herself more helpful (USEFUL) in her free time. He knows how hard she's trying to help. So you think he feels guilty over that, too, now? Again, all she does is give give give, and even when she does allow herself to take she feels that need to earn it, that need to be worthy of it.
---
Chapter 14
DAKOTA APPEARS. LIGHT OF MY LIFE. DARLING GIRL YOU DESERVE THE WORLD I LOVE YOU.
Yeah there it is! The confrontation with the guy in the park. Raph is so right to be worried because she IS going to get hurt if she keeps this up.
[Raph talking] "you can’t be stupid like that,” he says, making you flinch.
Time for me to Read Too Much Into Things again. I've noticed, even before chapter 20 when it gets really really bad, she often refers to herself as stupid or uses stupid as an adjective when describing what she's doing. Her flinching when Raph uses that word specifically has me wondering if that word was used against her a lot in the past (by Alopex maybe?) or if she's always had A Thing about thinking she's stupid.
Raph gives you a small crooked smile. “Well, it sure made him mad thinkin’ you was my girl. So maybe you should just start datin’ a mutant real open-like.”
You give a wet laugh, rubbing at your eyes hard. If only he knew. “Yeah. That… That sounds like something I’d like.”
Hey what's up I'm CRYING
(Also, once again, every time Vi refers to Donnie as her boyfriend in her head, I suffer)
[Leo talking about Vi having no self-preservation instincts] “Oh yeah? Looks to me like you wouldn’t know fear if it—” he starts, only for his jaw to clamp shut and a stricken look to cross his face.
I know this is him remembering when he scared Vi in her kitchen, but JUST IN CASE their talk on Saturday reveals anything I'm keeping this here for my own future reference.
Not helping the desire is that he’s wearing those fucking sweatpants again. If he were any kind of perceptive, you’d wonder if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing when he put those things on his ass
First of all, SWEATPANTELLO SJSJZBAKXH. Second of all, "if he were any kind of perceptive" has me eating through the drywall.
Oh my god. When Donnie brings up what happened in the park, he just says he made her a new phone and then "There was mud all over the processing board, which, speaking of, I hope you weren’t injured?” I'm getting a little bit of whiplash here. He was so angry over the bruise she got, but with this his reaction is less intense. And I'm remembering after one of the attacks with Dakota that his reaction wasn't as intense as I expected, either. But then with the guy on their aquarium "date" the reaction was WAY more intense. Hm. I almost need to look at those instances side by side once more after I catch up to 20 on this reread.
Also idk why this popped into my head just now, but I'm wondering if something happened between Leo and Donnie in the past. Something more than just the fact that Donnie doesn't let Leo (or the rest of the fam) touch him. There are so many times where Leo like... gives Donnie a blank/weird look or reacts a certain way when Vi talks about Donnie or even riles Donnie up by making Vi smell like him, making little comments about her being pretty or him being her favorite or whatever... a bunch of things that COULD just be Leo being a little shit but could also be something more (something like Leo liking Vi, sure, but I really don't think so??? More and more I wonder if it could be something that's related to an incident in the past between the twins??). God I cannot WAIT for Leo and Vi to talk on Saturday.
Vi says she doesn't talk to her family anymore because they're so anti-mutant and they had a huge falling out. I'm still wondering if there was some kind of abuse she suffered from her family, as well, even if she doesn't recognize it as having been abuse. (Racist family members being cruel to you hits close to home, I'm almost certainly projecting.)
“A mutant? You?” Donnie gapes, looking shocked. “You dated a mutant?”
You bark out an incredulous laugh. “How are you surprised by this?”
YEP. SAM IS RIGHT. HITS FUCKING DIFFERENT. GOD.
You haven’t thought about Alopex in years; it’s odd, now, how you finally feel able to do so without pain.
Ooooh boy. I CANNOT WAIT to find out more about the past relationship with Alopex. And if I recall correctly Sam has said Alopex will make an appearance and I am SO EXCITED.
[Vi talking] "I have a family again, and I have you. That’s all I need.”
Donnie frowns, but whatever machinations are in his head are tabled when instead he just sighs
She makes that distinction here between the fam and Donnie. Specifically says "I have you" and he frowns. During my first read I thought he was frowning at the whole estranged family/Alopex breakup thing. Now I'm wondering what he thought about that comment "I have you."
Engage alarm 16-44-SD - I wonder what the significance of the numbers and letters are. Do you think we'll find out?
[Vi asks Donnie to cuddle and they're getting situated on the cot] “What are your goals for this evening?” he asks, using his hand to glide along your jaw, cupping your nape to turn your face to his.
“With you?” you ask to clarify, and when he nods, you hum. “Don’t really have any. Just want to feel good with you.”
Donnie studies you for a moment
Fuck. FUCK. "What are your goals" I'm pacing like a madman. WHAT IS HE THINKING WHEN HE STUDIES HER AFTER HER RESPONSE. FUCK.
“…Actually, I changed my mind. I wanna kiss you again.”
Donnie’s smirk is a little lazy. “That was quick. I was expecting to have to work on you a bit longer for that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m easy for you. Sue me,” you tell him ... “That you are,” he agrees ... “…Want to feel good,” he murmurs against your mouth, repeating your request of him like he’s contemplating it, still. When you nod, he dips down, his second kiss a bit more
This Whole fucking interaction. My heart is shredded. Him thinking about her saying she wants to feel good, taking that as her saying the 'goal' of today's 'session' is that and then having her come using his thigh so they can achieve that 'session goal' and collect data.
[Asking if she's sure he has to touch somewhere first before she'll touch him there] “Though I suppose it’s fine. Just more data. And I’m hardly opposed to making you feel good first.”
JUST MORE DATA he says
[Donnie tells you to take off the clothes Leo lent you] Vi - “Donnie, I’m not wearing anything under this.”
“…Okay?” he says, looking at you like he doesn’t understand the problem.
This is SO. I JUST. FUCK. Sex and nude intimacy is all part of the project. Why WOULD it be a big deal? They agreed that the experiment would include kissing, petting, sex, etc. There's no feelings involved, it's just necessary for the session, for the data. I'm Unwell.
(The sexy stuff is, once again, SO HOT but SO PAINFUL to read)
[After she comes using his thigh] “Oh, yeah. I’m gonna remember that for a long, long time. Until you one up yourself, of course.”
“A good scientist is always seeking to extract better results from his subject matter,” Donnie agrees.
SUBJECT MATTER. I'M LAYING DOWN ON THE TRAIN TRACKS. AND THEN IN HER MIND SHE REFERS TO HIM ONCE AGAIN AS HER BOYFRIEND. WHERE IS THAT GODDAMN TRAIN. I'M WAITING.
I wonder if Sam was writing this and smirking evilly the entire fucking time. Evil. EVIL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL E-
---
Chapter 15
SINCLAIR'S NAME IS JUNE. FUCK I FORGOT LMAO I'm just as bad as Vi
Vi making cookies again for the 4th of July party. Then in the shower, talking to Leo about it.
“I was thinking I’d make enough cookies for you guys to have left over, since I know you like ‘em a lot. Plus I feel like I kind of owe Raph for the whole, uh, making him fish me out of the pond thing.”
Leo doesn’t answer, you think, though you might have missed it as you duck your head under the water to get rid of the shampoo.
I was so distracted by blurple symphony au thoughts the first time I read this, but now I'm just thinking about how she worded that.
“I was thinking I’d bring him [Raph] by some bread later, too. I know we kind of worked it all out, but I’d feel better if I really had a good apology. He was pretty upset. And Donnie, too. I need to make him something. Not that he, uh, did anything. But the thought was there, I guess."
Once again, she feels the need to DO something for others. As an apology, as appreciation. Thoughtful to the point of making me worry.
(Also, I wonder if the talk with Leo on Saturday will shed light on what he was doing/thinking here while she was showering)
“Glad to be of service,” you laugh
YEAH. YOU ALWAYS ARE.
[Vi says she'll try to get Donnie to come to the party] Casey stares at you with eyes that see a little too far into your soul for your liking, but then he pulls them back and laughs like he didn’t just sear your bones. “Well, if anyone could, I bet it’d be you.”
:) pain
“He’s got me on security protocol 27-L-Alpha, but family’s allowed through on that one, so you can go ahead in,” Shelldon says
Again, I wonder about the significance of the numbers and letters. Also, FAMILY IS ALLOWED THROUGH. So Donnie sees her as family? I need to be inside his head.
She gets him to go to the party and he says she'll owe him. Is that the only reason he agrees? Because then she owes him something? Is he just hungry? Is he soft for her without realizing?
When the yokai is flirting with Vi at the party, WHAT is Donnie thinking? I must know. Vi looks at Donnie and thinks that he's 'too traumatized, probably by those fucking brain aliens, to fish you out.' If Donnie thought they were dating, would he have stepped in?
Leo hooks his head onto your shoulder, nuzzling his beak into your throat and humming like he does when it’s just the two of you. ... his fingers fluttering on your stomach as his eyes cut off to the side. He has a sharp look to his features that you’re a bit too drunk to dissect, so you just ignore it.
I'm squinting so hard at this. This is at the party in front of everyone, but it's GOTTA be another attempt at riling Donnie up, right? UGH
(GOD. DONNIE PULLING YOU INTO HIS ROOM. STICKING HIS FINGERS INTO YOUR MOUTH. GOD. FUCK. JESUS HOLY HELL I'M ON FIRE.)
“Gonna kill him,” Donnie growls against your skin
Is he talking about Leo? WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH, HUH DONNIE? Seriously, did something fucking happen between him and Leo in the past that's related to all this? Or is this just Donnie being jealous and possessive over Vi despite them just being "partners" for the project??
He grabs your chin, holding your face to his, and you open your damp eyes to see that he’s staring at you, cataloging your every move.
Data collection. I know I'm repeating myself here, but this is so so painful to read.
Pulling away, Donnie groans, his forehead finding your shoulder. “Fuck. I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry,” he says, causing you to laugh. You sink your fingers into his nape, stroking long lines against worried flesh.
“How are you apologizing right now? That was incredible,” you promise.
“It—It was outside the bounds of our agreement. We both stated that my lab was the only place where we’d—” he starts
:( that's all I can say. Just. :(
"I’m going to go to my lab and make sure this obnoxious music didn’t ruin anything.”
OH MY GOD. THE RECORDINGS. HIM GOING TO THE LAB TO REVIEW THE DATA FOR THE PROJECT. HOW DID I COMPLETELY SKIP OVER THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME.
Vi asks for one last kiss and then -> “…You’re getting good at that,” you murmur against his mouth when he pulls away, opening your eyes to see him staring at you with lustrous eyes.
“Third Law,” he says
Third Law. Something I want (your help with this project) for something you want (to feel good). Fuck. FUCK.
You turn your head, seeing that he has something to say on the tip of his tongue, but he shakes it off, looking off to the side.
“…Text me when you get home,” he says instead, making you smile and nod.
WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY. WILL WE EVER FIND OUT? I'M FERAL.
Vi tells Mikey she and Donnie are dating. Once again it's explicit when she tells others but not when she's with Donnie. Kill me. Kill me.
Again, Vi worrying so much about the boys. Wishing she could help more. Sigh.
“…Yeah. Pretty,” he [Leo] agrees, voice quiet. ... you feel a beak nuzzle gently into your hair, inhaling softly to find your scent, before he goes carefully, painfully still; and just before you finally drift off to sleep on his shoulder, you imagine, you think, the sound of creaking wood beneath a tight, gripping fist.
Once again the first time I read this as Leo maybe liking Vi or being upset that Donnie touches her when he hasn't been able to touch his brother in so long, but... Does Leo... does Leo know that Donnie doesn't see their partnership as romantic? Does he KNOW?? Is he letting this go on because it's helping Donnie and he wants his brother to get better???? HANG ON. HANG ON. IT BETTER NOT BE. IT BETTER FUCKING NOT. PLEASE TELL ME I'M WRONG. Is this Leo realizing that the partnership has become sexual and that this is so much worse for Vi than he thought? MY HEART IS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST. (I'm wrong. I have to be wrong. I have to be reading too much into it, right? Please tell me I'm wrong I'm on the verge of tears.)
---
Chapter 16
Sinclair recovers quickly, waving her hand. “Yo. Introduce us to the cutie?”
“C-Cutie?” Raph repeats, flustering quickly.
Sinclair (June?) has a girlfriend I know but this little interaction makes me wish Raph could get someone, you know? I wish all the boys could get someone (if they want someone, that is). I want them all to be happy so badly :(
Also Sinclair's girlfriend is a mutant. Are we gonna meet her?
You dig your nails into your biceps hard.
I worry. I fucking WORRY.
First mention of Scheherazade - oh my god. Forever sobbing.
Leo hasn't texted you today.
DOES HE FEEL GUILTY?
Sinclair calling Vi her friend :') getting her number :') I love her
Vi is so anxious over the thought of Leo being upset with her. And then there's a line when she goes to the lair to see him - hoping you’re not being too overbearing - that has me once again wondering if she had past experiences where someone got upset and reacted badly and blamed her, or maybe if she just internalized the bad reaction as her fault and now she's always scrambling to soothe and fix? Thinking of how toxic relationships can have that affect on people, you know?
He isn’t Alopex, you remind yourself. It’s cruel to impose upon him the damaged expectations from the last relationship you’d had. Cruel to yourself, seeing darkness where there isn’t any to be found. You’re letting old insecurities seep in, you think, feeling your eyes burn a little.
Yeah, this. I wonder if we'll find out about the exact details of everything that happened? I think we will, and I'm excited.
[Leo talking] “I’ve just been… tired. Thinking about things. About what I want.”
Tilting your head, you ask. “…What you want?”
Leo nods, bringing your hand to his mouth to brush a kiss to your knuckles, staring at them as he brings your hand to his lap. “I’m. I’m still thinking about it. If I promise to tell you, can you give me time?”
If I'm right. And I pray that I'm wrong. But. If I'm right. He's thinking about what's more important to him, about what he wants more - truly being a good friend to you vs. using you to help Donnie with his touch thing even though he knows what's really going on, even though he knows you think something else is happening when it's not. (If I'm right... he's using her. He's using her, after seeing how lonely she was, how willing she is to help, how desperate she is to be useful, manipulating that, taking advantage of that. Please God let me be wrong.)
Upstairs, you find Donnie sitting in front of his wall of computer screens, each plastered with an ocean of diagrams and spreadsheets. Deep in thought ... “Oh, good. I was just thinking about you,” he says
He's looking at the spreadsheets for the project. Of course he'd be thinking of her. Sobbing. Screaming. I hate myself.
[Donnie smells Leo on Vi] "Really pisses me off,” he grumbles
Again, why does it make him mad that Vi smells like Leo?
“Hm. I promised you a lesson on my anatomy. Considering I explored your genitalia, unintentional though the moment was, that does, as per our arrangement, clear you to touch mine.”
Arrangement. ARRANGEMENT. And the clinical discussion, of course. Naturally. No feelings, just a project, all part of the experiment.
“Experiential learning. Excellent. I knew you were the one.”
The one. The one to choose as his partner on the project. Goddammit.
(God. The smut. It's so hot. I'm swimming in lava.)
“All right. Take off your pants and lie down. My turn.”
Startled, you just blink at him for a moment. “W-What?”
“Third Law. And I want to taste you. See if it’s different from mine. I’m very curious about the tactile nature, since it was quite pleasant on my fingers. Plus, you didn’t come. I’m not a barbarian. Now, chop chop.”
Third Law. You did this so now I do that. It's a transaction. And he's curious about the taste and feel compared to his own. Data data data.
“…Very, very pleasant,” he murmurs to himself more than to you,
Data. Notes. For his own future reference. Fuck.
“Only the best for my favorite turtle,” you promise, laughing and pulling away, spinning in place with your arms spread wide. “Now. Shall we work on the Turtolin while waiting for the smell of sex to dissipate? I’d rather not scar poor Leo if I can help it.”
Donnie looks like he’s contemplating something hard, but he pushes it away and nods.
What is he thinking here? Does it have anything to do with Leo? Or the favorite turtle line?? UGH
[Vi sends Donnie a pic of her in the bath with the bath bomb he gave her and he calls] “Good girl,” he says easily, making your skin burn hot. “Now, I’m going to put you on speaker and listen as you make yourself come.”
Jaw dropping, you stutter, “R-Right now?”
Donnie hums. “Then send me another. One before. One after.”
You hear the soft click of him putting his phone down, and the familiar sound of him fiddling with his tech. ... “I’m waiting,” you hear him say.
This is SO PAINFUL now. FUCK.
---
Chapter 17
(My notes after this point include knowledge of chapter 22 aka the chapter that made me physically ill)
You find him [Donnie], as you expect, pouring over some spreadsheets.
The spreadsheets again :(
[Vi talking to Raph and Mikey about Donnie] "You wouldn’t expect it. But he’s—he’s so kind. Always thinking about how he can help others, always looking to make their lives easier. It’s—It’s really admirable. I respect him a lot.”
Vi you're literally describing yourself.
“You had a problem. I solved it,” he says, like it’s that simple. And you suppose, in a way, it is. He just… doesn’t see it as his love language, even though it so, so clearly is.
I feel like this is a nod towards Donnie actually being in love with Vi but not realizing it.
So. Leo shows up during turtle time.
“Actually, perfect timing,” Leo says, coming up to you and pulling you into a hug. “I have a present for you.” ... “Yep. C’mon, I’ll portal you back to your place so I can give it to you,” he says, making you look at Donnie, concerned he’s about to crack a tooth.
Even though we know he's not doing these things to be manipulative anymore (assuming we can actually trust that he was being honest about when he 'stopped completely'), it's still tainted, especially since it's in front of Donnie. The casual physical touches, calling her "hermosa." Not only am I reading this and feeling so fucking betrayed, but I'm ALSO sad because he's started feeling guilty and really truly seeing her as his best friend now (if, again, we believe his claims in 22), and the torment he must be going through, despite it being so, so deserved, makes me sad. Actually, sad isn't the right word for it, but the right word escapes me. Whatever it is that I'm feeling about this is gaping and tender and intense.
“The truth,” he says, taking the picture from you and putting it on the coffee table. “About us. About everything.”
Not about everything, Leo. Not yet. (I think the word I'm looking for is agony. I'm not just sad. I'm in agony.)
[Vi talking to Leo] "So I just tucked it into one of those Leo will explain this someday pile.”
He stares at you for a second, then gets a melancholic smile on his face. “Yeah. That pile’s probably a lot bigger than it should be. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, I told you before. It’s okay if you’re not ready to spill your guts,” you remind him.
“That was true then. But now, you’re—” he stops himself, looking at you hard, his eyes unmoored on your face. “…It’s different. Now.”
OOF. FUCKING. FUCK.
[Leo talking about the invasion] "Then one day, I—I fucked up really bad. I didn’t even know how bad, but I—” His voice chokes, grip on you going tight. He looks at you, eyes a little wild, and you nod.
THIS IS A PARALLEL TO HIM FUCKING UP WITH VI. NOT EVEN KNOWING HOW BAD HE FUCKED UP UNTIL AFTER THE FACT.
And every time Vi responds so fucking kindly to something Leo says or does... at this point he's truly wracked with guilt. Every kind thing she does is another reminder of how badly he fucked up, another twist of the knife that he unknowingly lodged between his own ribs. For example: Leo stares, soaking you up like you’re water and he’s cracked earth; then, taking in a haggard breath, he continues.
And then Leo asks Vi to help Casey like she helped him and his brothers. And even here, when he's being genuine, that ask is tainted, tainted, tainted by his history of using her for his own desires.
“Thanks,” he says, true and honest in a manner that oh, this entire time, you haven’t really seen.
God. GOD.
Vi asking Donnie about the aquarium... she doesn't use the word date. I wonder, if she did, would he have locked
There are going to be a lot of moments like that in your near future, you’re guessing, taking a long sip of water and staring at your reflection in the blank screen of the television. Little pieces you’ve seen, little hints of darkness you’re going to understand now.
Vi is referring to the fact that she knows about Casey being from the future and stuff, but this is mirroring what I'm doing. Finding little hints of darkness in Leo on my reread. God. Kill me.
---
Chapter 18
Vi gushing about Donnie to Sinclair :( and this line specifically -> "He just… gives and gives and gives.” THAT'S YOU, VI. YOU'RE SO ALIKE.
"He’s—brutally honest, but in a way that makes it impossible to doubt any compliment he gives."
Meanwhile LEO-
(I can barely focus. My heart aches so much. I keep having to reread the same paragraph over and over because I keep thinking about Leo. I really do feel so goddamn betrayed. How can Vi go on? How is she going to fucking... I've said it already but if it were me I would spiral really really bad. I was already worried about her before chapter 22. And now... I don't think Sam would do what I'm thinking of because surely there would be tags indicating that already due to their triggering nature, but I just know if it were me... I won't say it.)
Do you think, now that Donnie knows about the miscommunication, he'll go back and review their texts and his recordings to search for hints that he might've missed? Do you think he'll find something and think 'stupid, stupid, you should've seen it then, it was right there all along' like Vi did when she first realized?
I'm realizing, once again, how often Vi uses the adjective "stupid" to describe so many of her thoughts and actions. And I'm wondering, once again, how far back that habit runs. Whether it's always been there or if it started when she was with Alopex.
Oh man... when Vi gets ready for the aquarium... no. She doesn't think "I look nice" or anything. When she sees Donnie, she tells him he looks nice. Like a model, even. And he doesn't say anything about how she looks. I remember being a bit disappointed the first time I read and just assuming that he was too embarrassed or shy or something to comment on how she looked, but no. I'm a fool.
The alligators are so fucking cute, which he finds absolutely absurd.
“I like their faces, I dunno,” you say with a shrug. “Look at those little snouts! Don’t you just wanna… smooch one?”
“No, I can definitely say that I do not,” Donnie drones. “And I’m pretty concerned that you do.”
“I mean, soft shelled turtles are pretty aggressive biters too, right?” you point out, tilting your head and looking at him a little coyly. “Seems to me you don’t mind me kissing one of those all the time.”
Huffing, Donnie turns his face with a flustered scowl. “Th-That’s different!”
Just putting this section here. Just pointing out how he responds. I'm just casually in agony, right now.
[Vi talking after Donnie asks for permission to kiss her outside of the lab] "Okay. Well. Consider this my blank check of consent to any and all kissing. Inside the lab, outside of it, no matter how many people are around.”
“Hm. Well. Too many people will probably ruin the results. But I’ll take it under consideration,” he says.
Another comment that I saw as referring to the experiment, yes, but that I also thought was him flirting. Me putting meaning into his words that isn't there. Fuck.
his mouth claiming you like you aren’t already all his
Because she's not. She not his. Kill me.
When they run into the old standmate, Donnie gets so fucking mad that the guy insulted Vi. Another thing that I interpreted as romantic that wasn't.
“I’m—not particularly sure how to do this [have sex] with our current arrangement,” he says breathlessly
Damn. Even the first time they have sex, he tried checking in, tried to honor the rule she set, referred to it as their "arrangement" and everything... he truly did nothing wrong. What a massive misunderstanding. This continues to blow my mind. Damn.
She calls him cute once again, and he doesn't say anything like that back.
(The sex is so FUCKING HOT GOOD GOD)
He asks her to stay. And she does. And she's realizing she's in love with him. And I'm so, so sad.
---
Chapter 19
[Vi talking to Casey about Leo] "He’s a really good friend. I feel lucky to know him,” you tell him
Every single line where Leo is referred to as her friend has the rage flaring in my chest again.
Oh my god. I've been interested in how the brothers are going to react if/when they find out what Leo admitted (especially Donnie, obviously), but... what is CASEY going to think? He admires Leo so much. Oh my god. Oh my GOD.
man hadn’t that morning sex the other day been something else? Let’s try it again and see if we can replicate it. So your Wednesday is even lazier than usual with just the one lesson after a long morning of Donnie seemingly testing just how well sound-proofed his lab is, or maybe how loud he can get you to whine his name when you come, you’re not really sure which.
Replicate. Test. Kill me kill me kill me
The first shot cracks through the air and makes your ears ring. Without thinking, you move. Your hands clutch Dakota’s shirt, throwing her off the stage to the pit where the gunman won’t have a clear view. A second shot goes off. Before she hits the floor, you’re moving, tackling the other three to the floor underneath you. A third shot.
Again, her instincts are to protect others first.
you see Raph pinning the guy to the floor, a look on his face like you’ve never seen before.
Actually, you realize; no. You have seen it. Once. In your kitchen. From Leonardo to you.
Rage.
FUCK. KILL ME.
(DAKOTA. MY FUCKING HEART. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK AND REREAD ALL THE DAKOTA PARTS AT SOME POINT WHEN WHATEVER SAM HAS PLANNED FOR HER HAPPENS/IS REVEALED.)
Even after almost being shot she wants to rehearse. Be productive. Sigh.
You’re a little surprised to feel that your hands feel jittery at the ends of your arms, a bit like you have too much energy inside still. Your hold on your bow is a little wonky, too.
WHAT YOU JUST EXPERIENCED WAS TRAUMATIZING. WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED. WHY DO YOU NOT SEE- HOW ARE YOU SO- Sorry I'm just. So protective of her. So frustrated that she doesn't care about herself like she should. She's in shock, huh? I'm being too harsh. I'm just so fucking angry because of how GOOD she is to others and how Leo fucking USED that. I can't fucking take it.
She's shaken up after being shot at... on the subway, looking forward to going to the lair -> Gazing past your reflection in the subway window, you watch the lights flash past in little warm blurs, and seek comfort in the knowledge that soon you’ll be with people who love you.
People who love you. Like Leo and Donnie. Pain pain pain. And when she finds Leo sleeping in his room, her softness for him, her fondness and affection... It hurts. It hurts.
She finds Donnie in his lab. I remember thinking it was weird he didn't react more strongly to the fact that she was literally shot at. He just says “I heard you had a fun afternoon,” and that's it. Honestly it still surprises me. I feel like we have seen him be protective over her for lesser incidents... remember the bruise? Remember the standmate? Why, I wonder, did he not react more strongly here? Is it because she wasn't actually shot?
He eases the tension headache she didn't even realize she had. (Vi, once again not realizing how affected she was. This mirrors her not realizing she was sick before, too.)
Turning your head when he slowly releases you, you see an ocean of spreadsheets in front of you that instantly has you looking away in disinterest before you can read a single word.
I hate myself so much. What would she have seen, what would she have realized, if she looked a little bit closer?
“…No, I just… smelled you,” Leo says blankly, looking between you and where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around you, and you think—oh. He’s known this whole time, of course, that Donnie touches you; but this is maybe the first time he’s seen it. “You’re… really touching her.”
“I was under the impression you knew about it,” Donnie says, dropping his chin on your shoulder and raising a brow ridge at his twin.
“…I did,” Leo agrees, though his face is still as stone. His eyes focus on where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around your middle, and for some reason, the intensity of it makes you want to wiggle away and get out of Donnie’s grasp. ... Leo, eyes focused on where Donnie’s beak is tucked into your throat ... “I like it,” Leo says, staring at Donnie.
God. Leo. Still wrestling with his anger and jealousy, trying to be happy about it, but still struggling so much.
The Scheherazade story kind of mimics Leo and Vi. Scheherazade won the kings love over time, while Vi won Leo's true affection and friendship over time. Hm.
[Vi goes] to stand out of Donnie’s lap, only to turn to him and raise an eyebrow when he petulantly keeps you pinned to his plastron, his eyes dark and pouty on his twin. “…Donnie.” ... You bat your eyelashes cutely at Leo, who gets a smug look on his face as he stretches out a hand to the side. His crescents glow prettily, and with a curl of his fingers, he has a sword in his hand to cut a portal. “One ride on the turtle express for mi tesorito.”
“Turtle ex—?!” Donnie chokes, his fingers going tight in your flesh, his teeth pulling into a snarl. It hurts a little, and you’re kind of mortified when the squeak you make is maybe a little more sensual than it probably should be. Feeling your cheeks flare hot, you press your palms to Donnie’s shoulders, giving him a meaningful look.
“I can come back tomorrow,” you say with gritted teeth, increasingly miffed when he just shoots a glum look to his twin.
Once again, even if Leo is being genuine, this is all tainted, and it fucking hurts to read every interaction they have, especially in front of Donnie. But I also noticed another layer here. Vi is trying to behave as though she and Donnie aren't dating because Leo is there and as far as Donnie is aware (in her mind) Leo knows they touch but doesn't know they're together. Meanwhile things that seem romantic to her are NOT romantic to Donnie, so he's being clingy and she is a little annoyed/confused, because she's thinking 'doesn't Donnie know this is suspicious??' But NO. HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. AT ALL.
“Fine, fine,” he [Donnie] says petulantly, removing his arms from your waist.
“Good boy,” Leo says with a widening smirk, squawking when you reach out and flick his beak.
“And you. I don’t know what your game is, but stop terrorizing him,” you tell him, watching as he rubs his palm over the offended flesh.
“Me? Terrorizing Donatello?”
“Leonardo.”
This is after Leo supposedly 'stopped completely' and yet.
“He [Casey] has a lot of secrets he’s keeping,” Leo says, softening. “They’re a heavy load. I don’t know how he does it.”
Secrets can be a heavy load, huh Leo? You FUCKING-
Leo sighs, grabbing his katana and cutting another portal back to the lair. Before he leaves, however, he beckons you close. Reluctantly, feeling a bit embarrassed and hoping your lingering arousal isn’t too obvious, you go; only to blink when he reaches out a hand and grabs your chin, bringing your face close to his as his eyes drop to your mouth.
“…Yep. Thought so. Doesn’t take much to get you going, huh,” he says knowingly
Get your fucking hands off of her and shut your goddamn mouth. I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry. I've never been this angry in my life. Yes he feels bad. Yes he's suffering now, yes he's going to get consequences that fucking hurt him. But I don't even fucking care right now because I'm so, so angry. What is everyone else going to say? Will Leo even tell them?? I don't know if Vi would tell the fam what Leo did, because she doesn't like causing conflict. But someone needs to tell them. God. What is Donnie going to do, knowing that she's already distraught because of their miscommunication?
Vi talking to Casey, getting him to open up about the future. Taking responsibility for helping him. Even though it's upsetting. Yes, that's what real, good friends do, but it's just another example of her giving, giving, giving. How deeply she cares, how sincerely she loves those in her life, how she would willingly burn herself up for the people she loves to keep them warm. And the fact that she's taking on this burden after LEO had asked her to...
(The lavender mask thing hurts just as much the second time. Ouch.)
[Casey talking] “Apparently, you always were able to get him to do things. I remember Master Leonardo making a comment about it once when he was trying to get Uncle Tello to do something. You’d do it for her, or something.”
You wince. That couldn’t have gone over well.
I can only imagine future Leo saying that with bitterness. Was there jealousy in the other timeline, too? It's easy to imagine since we know what Leo is capable of, now. Easy to imagine a future Leo, run down and exhausted and bearing so much responsibility for the resistance and guilt over the apocalypse, letting it all build and build and build, letting it get to him after Vi's death, even if he loved her too, even if he was grieving too, and being so angry over Donnie refusing to do something, and losing his cool. 'You'd do it for her. Why won't you do it for me?'
I wonder how Donnie would have reacted if Vi HAD told him about what happened with future them. About the lavender mask.
[Vi's bath water] It’s hot when you get in; too hot, maybe. But the burn feels a little good. Tethers you into place where otherwise you worry you’d drift away to a future that isn’t yours.
See, again, this worries me. Using pain as a grounding technique, almost. This is pretty innocent, but it hints at the POTENTIAL for going further with this kind of stuff. I do nothing but seethe and worry.
---
Chapter 20
Finally made it all the way here. Sigh. Let's read.
you find yourself drifting off at random moments, haunted by memories that aren’t even yours ... for some reason, you spend most of Friday night sobbing into your pillow ... you spend the morning in your bed, curled around your pillow and staring numbly at the wall ... you’re avoiding Donnie
Vi takes the knowledge Casey gave her so hard. Evidence, once again, of how deeply she cares, how strongly she loves, but I can't help but remember that LEO asked her to help Casey. And she honestly probably would've ended up doing it anyway at some point, even if Leo didn't explicitly ask her to, because that's just how she is and Casey is part of the family and she wants to help... but I can't help pairing her emotional turmoil with the fact that LEO asked her to take that on.
“Donnie said you wasn’t feelin’ good, but you look like shit,” he says, causing you to shoot him a wry smile.
“Thanks, Raph. I feel so beautiful now.”
Raph shoots you a meaningful look. “I think you ‘nd I both know I ain’t the one you wanna hear that from.”
...
“Raph ain’t mad. I’ve been Donnie’s brother for a long, long time. I know he can be a dumb dumb, sometimes.”
Everyone (I think) sees that Donnie loves her EXCEPT Donnie. Raph says he saw Donnie grab Vi at the party... do you think, when Raph finds out about the miscommunication, he might realize that Donnie doesn't understand his feelings and try to help him figure it out?
💜🐢 (6:16 p.m.)
Raph said you looked unwell today. Do I need to send Leo over to bring you to the lair tonight?
A tempting offer that makes you bite your lower lip. You turn on the camera on your phone to check your face and see the bags under your eyes, the clear exhaustion, and something else that makes you just look… sad.
sent (6:17 p.m.)
no, but thank you for offering! it’s really sweet of you.
I'm begging you to accept some comfort. I'm begging. She so easily brushes him off so she can hide how she's feeling. Please, man, she needs to be loved.
[Vi talking] "Thanks, Casey. You’re the best, and I owe you.”
“Nah. People always look after each other,” Casey says easily, and you suppose that coming from an apocalypse-torn world forces that outlook on you pretty bone-deep.
She's right, but also... I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts about this. Something about her always feeling like she OWES people for the things they do for her. Like she has to earn their kindness, always pay it back, nothing comes for free, not for you... she doesn't have that mentality regarding anyone else. Like, she doesn't expect others to earn her kindness, she doesn't expect any kind of payback or anything when she does something kind or helpful - that mindset only applies when she's the one getting something. It has me wondering, again, about the details of her past. Alopex, yes, but also with her family. Was it pounded into her head that she isn't enough, that she isn't worthy of kindness and help unless she does something useful or tangible in return? Or is this, once again, me reading too much into things and possibly projecting?
Mikey, we’re your brothers. It would make sense for us to go.
It just occurred to me that Donnie uses italics in the group chat. You can't do that in regular text chains, right? Is this like a discord-type situation? Or is it because they're all using phones (most likely) made by Donnie and he somehow added that feature? (This is so not important, I know, I know, but I'm curious okay?)
Every single use of tesorito and hermosa stabs me directly in the heart.
“You look like shit,” you hear a familiar voice call, and you look up to see Leo sitting in a fire escape, legs hanging and his arms resting against the metal. Elegantly, he drops to the asphalt, walking up to you and taking your chin in his hands, tilting your face for his examination. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” you agree, causing him to grin. “Thanks for this, by the way. I really appreciate it.”
“You don’t ask for much. And even if you did, I like showing off for pretty girls,” he flairs.
Fury. Even now, when he's supposedly being genuine with her, I'm so angry. He even says she doesn't ask for much. He knows how much she gives, how little she takes. How much she cares. The work she puts in for others. You know the (Did you try?) that Vi has in 21? I wonder... ever since he started to really think about 'what he wants' did he have similar thoughts? A constant (Is this worth it? Is this the person you want to be? Now that you see her heart, her soul, are you really okay with being this kind of person?) - or even, as we get further and further into the fic, something like (How could you? How could you? How could you?)
“Best friend ever,” you compliment
Does he feel guilty when she says stuff like this, now? (How could you?)
Oh I forgot that Vi told Leo what Casey revealed to her about the future. Again, does Leo feel guilty? Seeing that Vi was so affected by that knowledge? Knowing that he asked her to talk to Casey, so it's kind of because of him? "I haven’t felt right in days" she says.
"I hate secrets" [Vi says] ... “…Can I ask you something?” he says after a moment of studying your face. It’s a curiously serious expression ... “Why Donnie?” ... "You’re beautiful. Funny. Have a good job. Easy to like. You could have most anyone you want. Any mutant would kill to have someone like you as a partner. So. Why Donnie?” ... It feels, a little, like that day he’d frightened you. A softer, friendlier version of it.
Yeah. Because it is. Leo doesn't hate her anymore, and she picks up on the difference even though she doesn't understand why.
[Vi talking about Donnie] he’s got this—compulsion, almost. To take care of people. He works on his tech so hard so he can be useful. He’s always texting me about not staying up too late. Getting enough sleep. Did I eat lunch. Don’t overwork myself. Take a break. He even got me to take a few days off, just to relax, and I’ve never done that before. Even though he never turns those thoughts in on himself
HE'S JUST LIKE YOU. SCREAMING THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS. RATTLING HER. SO MANY THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT DONNIE APPLY TO YOU AS WELL.
“Most of all, he’s honest,” you keep going, tangling your fingers together, staring down at the way they knot at your waist. “If he says something, I can take it at face value. There’s no hidden meaning. Nothing deeper. If he says something feels good, I know it feels good. If he says he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. If he asks for something, I don’t need to ask if he’s sure. He asks, so he’s sure. It—It’s a breath of fresh air. If I want to know what he’s thinking, really thinking, all I have to do is ask." ... I like him. All of him. Even if I’d never been able to touch him. It would have been him.”
Leo’s still as stone for a few moments longer, looking at you like he’s trying to decide if he wants to say something
Yeah. I can definitely see how this would make Leo really struggle to keep it a secret.
He portals you to just outside Donnie’s lab, and with another flash of blue, he’s gone.
The difference here, with him not even going in with her to see Donnie. Him just portaling her to the entrance and then going off... I can just imagine him spending a long time in his room thinking. Thinking thinking thinking about what he should do, after her speech.
Hearing your footsteps, Donnie turns his head, doing a double-take when he sees you, standing out of his chair and coming to stand in front of you with an anxious energy that makes you feel guilty all over again.
“You’re here,” he says, and you nod, dropping your bag to the floor and leaning into him. Instantly his arms wrap around you, tight enough to crush the air out of you.
Come ON. HE LOVES HER. HE NEEDS HER. COME ON.
What are you supposed to do? Sob into his arms about how you’d avoided something terrible? Him? The man who couldn’t even touch his family for years and years and years because of the awful things he’s gone through? The man who goes out onto the streets and keeps people like you safe? Why do you get to cry, and he doesn’t?
Her line of thinking here - that 'my issues aren't as serious, they don't matter, I shouldn't seek comfort, especially not from someone who does so much already' - just. No, Vi. I almost wish she would've told Donnie what she was thinking. Someone needs to help her.
(The sex is so fucking hot. I say that every time but only because it's true every time.)
He’s saying something; his mouth is moving but you’re too fuzzy to think, too lost to hear.
God. I wonder what he said, here.
Every time she says something or thinks something about how beautiful he is, it reminds me that he hasn't said she is beautiful even once.
“I was hoping to get my mouth on your breasts again. You always make interesting noises when I do.”
So clinical :( and then more and more until she realizes. I'm not going to put the whole thing, but God. God. It's so painful... acoustics, data, sensors, recordings, sessions, partner, spreadsheets...
“The differential in touch inhibition,” he says shortly, like you’re the one not making sense. “I’m actually quite pleased with our progress. I was listening to one of the recordings the other day, and—”
...
“I record everything,” he says, smiling proudly.
...
"This whole time. Have you just been… experimenting with your touch thing?”
Donnie tilts his head. “What else would we be doing?
God, it kills me that he just. Doesn't know. Doesn't understand. And it's not his fault even a little bit. How would he have known otherwise? Honestly? In my reread I didn't find anything he did wrong with the information he thought he had. Unless you count the 4th party, but even then it would be him not following the experiment protocol. It's still not him being malicious in any way (that I know of).
Sheets that smell like a stupid, stupid girl who put her own wishes into someone else’s words yet again.
That's another reference to Alopex, right? Cannot wait to find out more about that relationship.
If Donnie says anything, you don’t hear it.
I wonder if he said anything here. Was he still talking to her, trying to figure out what was wrong? Or watching her in confused, shocked silence? I don't know which is worse.
(It's so painful. It's so fucking painful to read her reaction.)
Tucking your knees to your chest, you sit under the water’s foray, letting it wash over you. On and on and on the little drops hit your skin. They hurt from their fire. On and on and on and on. They hurt from their ice. On and on and on and on.
Again. Letting herself be hurt. I'm worried.
Then Leo. Covering her with a blanket and holding her. (Does he feel guilty? How could you?)
You pathetic thing, you think derisively, loathing the person you’d become once again.
Another nod to something like this happening with Alopex. Also, the self-hate. I worry worry worry.
Leo is there to see her fall apart. To fully see how the miscommunication with Donnie affected her. I'm worried that, if there's a blowout between him and Donnie, Leo will use his knowledge of how utterly destroyed Vi was against Donnie during the argument.
“What happened?” he asks, because of course he came without knowing, of course he’d seek to solve before he even knew the shape of the problem. Leo, the quiet leader, always watching, always knowing, always helping. So, so grateful for him, you sink your teeth into your lower lip hard and clutch your biceps hard enough to bleed.
"Always helping" and "so grateful for him" make my chest ache. She thinks of him so, so positively and fondly - the betrayal is so deep.
---
What a fucking roller coaster.
My conclusions: Sam is a genius. I'm a goddamn fool. I'm REALLY worried for Vi. I feel so so so bad for Donnie (looking back, I was so confused and angry with him... and it wasn't his fault. It really wasn't and I can't believe I was so blinded by my own biases that I couldn't fathom him not understanding... I owe him such an apology). I'm so goddamn angry with Leo I'm physically sick with it, but my heart aches for pretty much everyone, including Leo. And, once again, Sam is a genius.
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weird little ramble real quick. it's nothing super serious or personal or anything like that but no reblogs pls! HA I CAN JUST TURN THEM OFF THANKS ANON
lately i want to engage more w the positivity i get from you guys. as in like, i usually do fine with one or two nice messages but if i get a bunch in a row i suddenly get self conscious or embarrassed or something, and i step away, and then (tale as old as time) if it's been too long since it was sent i then get self conscious about THAT and convince myself it would be weird to answer it late etc etc etc etc
and like. obviously i don't have to answer every message i get (and also i usually don't feel like spending a large portion of my day answering messages and also i literally wouldn't have time even if i wanted to) but i'm talking abt like, there are nice messages that i would like to engage w but then i stop myself because of really nonsensical brain shit, not bc of a real reason like "oh! that was nice to read but i can't think of anything to say" or "i don't have time". like worrying that all my answers will sound copy-pasted and therefore insincere bc there are only so many ways to say "thank u, that means a lot," or the very weird but very loud one is "if you publish too many positive/complimentary messages in a row everyone will think you're showing off and find you insufferable" (?????)
but as always the best way to combat "what if people think XYZ of me :(" is to make eye contact w whoever/whatever group of people you're spinning hypotheticals about and go "hey, i'm worried you might think XYZ when that's not what i mean," which is kind of part of why typing this all out makes me feel better lol.
also there's an added feeling of like. sometimes i'm so distracted and busy and stressed out that i just kind of skim through the nice stuff and go "[absentmindedly] that's really nice. okay back to work" instead of really sitting in it. like. you guys are really really nice to me. it means something. i feel like a lot of times i (like probably pretty much everyone else alive) do not spend time really actually absorbing what it means when ppl are kind to me, in the same way that like... for example when u get something done, and instead of celebrating ur accomplishment you're like "[muttering to yourself] okay good. fine. that's done. where's the next problem/task/whatever." it's the thing ppl have said a billion times abt like, a hundred compliments will bounce right off your head but one rando says one mean thing and it sticks w u for ages (except even in the absence of anyone being a dick the nice stuff still bounces. and not even from low self confidence or anything!!! just from like... lack of attention????)
so this isn't even about like feeling like i Owe more responsiveness or anything like that bc i know the vast majority of my audience does not expect that (thank fucking godf. lol) but more about like, literally for my sake i need to Slow The Fuck Down and pay attention. so i'm trying to do that more.
no real reason for all this and it's not a big deal or anything super serious, like i said. it just gets my thoughts in order to get it out. this is like two full coherent thoughts at best but it spins into an essay bc this is the only way i can express myself (THIS IS WHY I MAKE COMICS INSTEAD OF JUST WRITING MOST OF THE TIME HA HAAAA)
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Kismet
That Which Binds You XIV
Pairing: Stark!Peter x Blackcat!Reader
A/N: Second to last chapter!! I hope you guys like it, please please please let me know if you enjoyed and any thoughts you have. Feedback and reblogs are heavily encouraged and greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much for reading, get ready it’s a long one, love you all xx
Warnings: Canon typical violence, graphic description of injuries, blood
Summary: You, now with the help of Spiderman and Ironman, come up with a plan to rescue MJ
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Series Masterlist
꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎
“Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Morgan jumped up and down beside your head, startling you so badly that you almost fell off the bed, “(y/n) wake up!”
“What the hell…” you rubbed your eyes and pushed yourself up, “What are you doing? Where’s Peter?”
“Peter went to the lab, daddy told me to come get you for breakfast,” she giggled happily while she jumped, causing the whole bed to shake, “He made pancakes!”
“Awesome,” you watched her spin in a circle before falling down onto her stomach with a huff, “I’ll come out in just a second okay?”
“Daddy told me to show you where the kitchen is,” she frowned at you, “He told me it’s a very serious mission.”
“Well how about I meet you outside in just a minute? I’ve got to go to the bathroom real quick.”
“Okay!” she leapt off the bed and slammed the door shut as she ran outside.
You groaned and dragged yourself out of the bed. You noticed a stack of your now dry clothes at the bottom of the bed, but you didn’t have the energy to get ready yet. Instead you pulled on the same pair of sweats you’d been wearing the night before and headed into Peter’s bathroom. You pulled your hair into a messy ponytail and splashed some water on your face to try and wake yourself up. Without your phone you had no idea what time it was, or when you got to bed the night prior, but you could tell you hadn’t gotten nearly as much sleep as you body needed.
“Alright Morgan let’s go get some pancakes,” you sighed as you pushed the door open.
“I already ate mine,” she informed you while she tugged you down the hall, “They were so good.”
“Ah, she lives,” Tony chuckled as Morgan pulled you over to the table where a plate of pancakes and eggs sat waiting for you, “Peter should be up any minute, I figured you could both use some food.”
Your stomach rumbled as the smell of the pancakes hit your nose. Thinking back on it you realized you hadn’t eaten since Peter made you breakfast the day before.
“He hasn’t been down there all night has he?” you frowned.
“He certainly tried, but I made him turn in for a few hours,” he chuckled, “He went back down about an hour ago, said he wanted to let you sleep. He should be up for breakfast in a few.”
“What time is it?” you knit your brows.
“9:30,” he hummed, glancing at the clock on the oven, “Oh, Morgan you better go get ready, Ella’s mom said she’ll be here at 10.”
“But I still need mom to braid my hair,” she went wide eyed.
“Well you better hurry up then.”
She nodded, “Bye (y/n)!” she waved at you as she went sprinting back down the hall.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been that energetic at 9 am,” you shook your head while you pecked at your food.
“Yeah, she gets that from her mom,” he scoffed, “I hope you're feeling well rested at least, it’s gonna be a long day.”
“I’ll be okay, I never get much sleep anyway,” you shurgged, “I wanted to thank you by the way. For not arresting, and helping with MJ and everything.”
“Don’t worry about it, helping troubled teens is just part of my charity work,” he chuckled, “You know there is something you could do for me though.”
You knit your brows, “What’s that?”
“Don’t break my son’s heart,” he hummed.
You blushed, “I care about Peter a lot, I won’t hurt him.”
“Good, just remember Fisk will be the least of your problems if you do,” he threatened.
You cracked a small smile and nodded, “Got it.”
“Good,” he winked.
“Smells good in here,” Peter grinned as he entered the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweats. You would have commented on the nice view if his dad wasn’t there.
“Yeah, eat up, I’m sure it’ll be a long day,” Tony hummed, “Any updates?”
He shook his head and sat down beside you, “No, nothing yet.”
“Did you find anything last night?” you questioned.
“No,” Peter said.
At the same time Tony answered, “Yes.”
You knit your brows, “So you did find something?”
“Nothing we can use,” Peter corrected.
“It is something we can use, it’s just not ideal,” Tony explained, “Fisk would be willing to trade you for MJ.”
“Why couldn't we use that?” you cocked your head in confusion, “I mean couldn’t you set up some kind of double cross or something?”
Tony nodded, “Yes, but it’d be risky, we’d have to be really discreet about it.”
“It doesn’t matter how discreet we are, it’s still too dangerous,” Peter argued, “A-And he’ll be expecting something like that, he wouldn’t want to trade them off in the same place.”
“Then I’ll deal with the pickup,” Tony offered, “I can handle whatever happens there and you can go to his office with (y/n).”
“His office?” you frowned, “Like in Fisk Tower?”
Peter nodded, “He said that’s where he wanted you.”
“Well he has a false door in the back of his office, I think it’s just there in case he needs to flee the city or something, but I always used it when I was coming in. You can access it from the roof, I could show you where,” you grabbed one of his hands, “Then you could be right there with me. As soon as your dad had MJ we could run.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” Tony nodded, “Peter I know you're worried, but we can’t leave MJ there for days while we figure this out, we have to act fast here.”
“I-I know,” he stuttered, “But it still seems too dangerous, I’ve got a bad feeling about the whole thing, and my bad feelings are usually right.”
“It’s not too dangerous Peter,” you insisted, “I always handled myself just fine against you didn’t I?”
“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” he bit back.
“Peter come on, you can’t baby me,” you sighed, “I want to help however I can. If that means I have to deal with Fisk for a little while or cause some kind of distraction then I want to do it. If you get to decide when to throw yourself into danger then so do I.”
Peter blushed, he let out a deep sigh before speaking, “Fine.”
“Fine?” Tony raised a brow, “So you’re in, just like that?”
He nodded, “Yeah, I mean I still don’t like it, but you’re right, we can’t just leave MJ with him. If this is the fastest way for us to get her back then let’s do it, I just want to make sure (y/n)’s safe too.”
“Well I can start working out a plan,” Tony settled, “You two finish eating and you can come meet me in the lab alright?”
“Okay, we’ll be down soon,” Peter promised before he turned to you, ”I don’t know why I let you talk me into that.”
“Relax Peter, everything will be fine,” you squeezed his bicep, “We’ll have MJ home by the end of the day.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll both be okay…”
“We will be, so stop stressing about it and finish your food.”
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
You ended up taking a quick shower and changing before you headed down to the lab. Peter had gotten dressed too, but he didn’t talk much while you were getting ready. He seemed to be caught up in his head, obviously worrying about what was to come. You were worried too, mostly about MJ though. She’d been with Fisk all night, you could only hope he’d left her alone.
“Wait,” Peter stopped you before you two could leave his room.
“What?” you frowned.
“Just before we go down there and deal with all of this, there’s something I want to do…”
“What?” you repeated.
He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you flush against him. He pressed his lips carefully against yours while you wrapped your arms around his neck. The kiss started gently but got more passionate as it continued. His fingers dug into your waist and his thumbs slipped under your shirt so they could trace over your bare skin. You kissed him until your lungs started to burn, demanding that you pull away and breathe. Peter let you seperate for only a moment before he leaned in and gave you another, much more brief kiss.
“I love you,” his big brown eyes pierced you to the core, “Please be careful today.”
“I love you too, and I will,” you promised, “You be careful too okay?”
He nodded, “I will be.”
He dropped your waist in favor of holding one of your hands while you walked down to the lab. Tony was waiting for you both at the computers again with a model of the Fisk Tower pulled up.
“Alright I’ve got something together,” he glanced over at you two as you entered, “(y/n) where’s the entrance to that false door?”
“On the roof, it’s one of the vents,” you squinted at the hologram as you tried to remind yourself which vent it was, “It should be this one here, it slides away and there’s a ladder under it. At the bottom there’s a big sliding cement door, it opens up right behind his desk.”
“Great,” he typed a few things before continuing, “Peter, you’re going to go in through there. Unless there is some kind of emergency I want you to stay in there until I confirm we’ve got MJ. (y/n), all you need to do is keep Fisk occupied for a little while, then as soon as I give Peter the all clear I want you two to get out of there. Our goal here is to get everyone out safely, we can worry about Fisk later.”
“What if Fisk gets violent?” Peter frowned, “I’ll need to step in then.”
“I’m not defenseless Peter, I can handle him,” you assured.
“Well you couldn’t handle him last night,” he bit back, “And you know he probably won’t want you to come in your suit, he’ll want to be as vulnerable as possible.”
“I couldn’t handle the 15 other people and Fisk,” you glared at him, “If it’s just him I’ll be okay.”
“What if it isn’t just him? What if there are 20 people with him?”
“Alright I really don’t want to sit here and listen to you two argue about what ifs,” Tony interrupted before you two could argue any further, “If Fisk gets violent then we’ll figure out the best way to handle it. This isn’t going to be a long interaction though, 15 maybe 20 minutes at most. The important thing is that Fisk doesn’t have a chance to call his men and change something about the drop off. As long as you two can just keep him distracted for a little while that is all I need. Is that something you can do or not?”
Peter blushed, you both nodded and mumbled, “Yeah.”
“Great, then there’s one more thing we need to go over,” he drummed his fingers on the underside of his armrests while he spoke, “We’ll have to call Fisk to organize the drop off, and I think our best bet would be to have (y/n) try and convince him she’s coming on her own accord.”
“So make him think we aren’t working together?” you asked for clarification.
He nodded, “If I call he’ll be suspecting us to pull something. If you can convince him you decided to come all on your own he’ll be less suspicious.”
“I can do that,” you nodded.
“Good,” he started typing at his computer again, “It’s small but it might give us an edge.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“You’ll tell him that you’re willing to turn yourself over but you have conditions. He has to drop MJ off somewhere safe, preferably here, but the Presbyterian hospital would also work. You want him to drop her off at the time you’ll be going there, which will be noon. He shouldn’t need any information besides that.”
“Got it,” you glanced over to Peter.
His arms were crossed and he had a deep scowl on his face. A bit timidly you set your hand on his shoulder and squeezed his arm. He turned his gaze to you and it softened immediately, you flashed him a smile and he leaned in to kiss your cheek while his dad was busy at the computer.
“Are you ready?” Tony peaked over his shoulder at you.
You nodded, “You don’t have to worry about me, I’m a good liar.”
“Great,” he pushed himself away from the desk and stood, “Go ahead and hit call whenever you're ready.”
You clicked call right away, it only rang for a second before he picked up.
“You know I don’t get a lot of unrecognized calls on this number,” he hummed. He sounded smug, you could practically see him smirking on the other end, “Let me guess who it might be.”
“I don’t have long to talk so let’s cut the pleasantries,” you licked your lips as you spoke, “I’ll turn myself in but I have conditions.”
“Really? They’ve sent you in to do the negotiating?”
“I’m doing this on my own, they didn’t want to work with you, but I want my friend back. So let’s just get this over with.”
“You’re quite demanding today,” he chuckled, “Well let’s hear it kitten, what do you want?”
“I want you to drop her off at Stark Towers, and you’re going to do it at the same time as I turn myself in.”
“Fine, I can toss her on the doorstep,” he agreed, “I assume you’ll be heading over right away then?”
“I’ll be there at noon.”
“Fantastic, and you’ll be coming unarmed, correct? As cute as the little cat suit is, I think I prefer you without it.”
You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, I'll be unarmed.”
“Wonderful, I’m looking forward to seeing you again kitten.”
You ended the call with a scoff, “Creep.”
“Major creep,” Peter huffed beside you, his lips were drawn to a fine line and his eyes hardset on the computer in front of him.
“The important thing is he seemed to believe you,” Tony remarked, “We can’t send you in completely unarmed so we’ll get you a gun, and we’ll have you on a wire. We’ll be able to hear everything going on and communicate with you. Peter, do you want to take her down to the armory and get her set up?”
He nodded, “Yeah, no problem.”
“And try to relax up a little too,” Tony patted his back, “You’re gonna give yourself a headache.”
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
Peter took you to an armory with a small shooting range, and despite having already seen you work a gun, insisted you show him you knew how to work it properly. After he watched you disassemble it, put it back together, and quizzed you on proper gun safety, he finally decided you were ready. You put a holster under your bra and Peter checked the safety about a hundred times before he finally let you put the gun in it. If you hadn’t been so stressed you probably would have found all his fussing cute. You understood his concern, you were worried too.
Truthfully you weren’t sure you could handle Fisk. He was slower than you, but he was also a lot larger and a lot stronger. Without your suit you didn’t really have much of an edge on him, and you knew he wouldn’t stop at a concussion this time. He’d kill you, and he’d try to make it as painful as possible, he’d make an example of you so no one else would try to rebel against him the way you had. Peter would be there of course, and you did have the gun, but you couldn’t help imagining the worst case scenario.
After you grabbed the gun and Peter was confident you could use it, you met back up with Tony. He gave you a small earpiece so they’d be able to keep track of what was going on with you and communicate with you if needed.
The plan was for Peter and you to leave together while Tony and a few Shield agents dealt with the drop off. Peter would be traveling over top of the city and keep an eye on things while you were stuck trekking on foot, at least this time you had a jacket to walk across the city in. You were set to wait across the street from the Fisk Tower at a cafe until Peter gave you the go ahead to enter. It felt odd following someone else’s plan, but you followed their instructions exactly.
You sat down at one of the tables on the outside of the café while you waited for Peter to say something. You tried to keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious but oddly no one entered or left Fisk Tower while you waited. It was Sunday so you figured most people wouldn’t be working anyway, but it was eerie to think that Fisk might have cleared out the building for you. One man was standing outside of the door, acting as a guard. You didn’t recognize him, but all of Fisk’s goons looked the same to you.
“You look cute down there,” Peter’s voice suddenly chimed in your ear.
You squinted at the sky to see if you could spot him, “Where are you? I don’t see you.”
“Good, I’m not supposed to be seen,” he laughed lightly, he did seem to have relaxed a bit since putting his suit on, “I’m on the roof, I’m heading in now, you can head in too if you’re ready.”
“Alright Spider, let’s do this,” you popped your knuckles as you rose from the table.
You paced across the street and up to the front door, then man grinned as you approached.
“Mr. Fisk has been waiting for you,” he smiled smugly, “He said to check you for weapons.”
You raised your arms, “Go ahead.”
He patted down your legs and torso but didn’t get close enough to your chest to notice the gun stowed there. He let you inside without any further questioning. The inside of the building was completely empty, just like you’d suspected.
“He didn’t find the gun did he?” Peter questioned, “O-Or be a creep or something right?”
You cracked a small smile, “No, we’re all good Peter.”
You stepped into a large elevator you’d taken only once, the first time you’d ever come to the tower. It was all glass inside, with large mirror walls that showed you every angle of yourself. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the cut on your cheek and you brought a hand up to trace over it. It was small, but it reminded you of the much worse injury he’d given you before that. Not even two weeks prior he’d strangled you and slammed your head into the wall, in the very same office you were about to step into.
“Okay, I’m gonna try to open the door just a crack so I can see you,” Peter informed you.
Your palms felt sweaty when you left the elevator, and your heart had started to race too. The empty secretary's desk was the only thing that stood between you and the office door. Fisk was waiting there, ready to do a lot worse than strangle you. You took a deep breath and let Peter know you were ready.
“I’m here.”
“Okay.”
You pushed the door open with as much confidence as you could muster. You told yourself it would all be okay once the adrenaline set in, you wouldn’t even have to think, just act.
“(y/n) wait, I think it’s locked,” Peter sounded worried when he spoke, “Don’t go in yet.”
“Too late,” you mumbled.
The office was long, and at the opposite end Fisk sat behind a large wooden desk. There was a large white bandage secured over his left eye. Across the desk from him sat MJ, her hands were still secured behind her and the bandana was still tied around her mouth.
“MJ,” your eyes widened in shock, “What the hell is she doing here?!” you snapped, immediately beginning to pace towards them, “This wasn’t what we agreed on.”
“MJ’s with him?” Peter questioned.
“How stupid do you think I am?” Fisk glared at you, “I know you brought your little boy toy, I’m sure you’re wearing a wire too,” he stood and tapped on the wall where the false door was located, “That’s right, I know you’re in there Spiderman. Your little girlfriend will be nothing but a stain on my carpet by the time you get in here,” he cackled and turned back to you, “You’ve been a very bad kitty (y/n),” he scolded as he started walking towards you.
You blushed, “I’m here right? That’s what you wanted, just let her go.”
“(y/n) get out of there now,” Peter ordered.
You couldn’t move, your whole body was frozen in fear. Even if you could move you wouldn’t have ran, you couldn’t leave MJ there again.
“Oh I’ll let her go, you know I’m a man of my word,” he set a large hand on your cheek, “I’m just going to make sure you're dead before I do it. I do think it’d be a little cruel to make everyone listen though,” he ripped the small black communicator out of your ear, “But I’m sure you’ll be screaming loud enough for them to hear it anyway.”
He tossed it over his shoulder and smiled down at you. You took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. He moved his hand under your chin and you knew you’d have to do something. Finally you regained control of your body and reached for the gun. He laughed as you pointed it at his head, your hands shook as you backed away from him.
“Really? You’re going to shoot me?’ he taunted, “That’s cute, but we both know you don’t have it in you.”
“Don’t move,” you threatened, releasing the safety for emphasis.
“Go ahead,” he challenged.
He was right, you didn’t have it in you to kill him, so you aimed at his stomach, hoping to injure him enough to incapacitate him. The gun fired and the bullet flew at his stomach, but he didn’t move when it hit him. He just smiled down at you.
“You think I’m stupid enough not to wear a vest?” he lifted his shirt to reveal a thick bullet proof vest, “Are you just this incompetent (y/n)? I mean really, I thought you were smarter than this,” he grabbed your wrist and a fistful of your hair. He ripped the gun from your grasp and yanked you into the air by your hair again, “You really think I’d just let you take my eye and get away with it?!” he snapped, “You stupid, pathetic, little girl!” he threw you, you skidded a few feet away from him.
When you tried to stand he kicked you back down and stepped on your chest. His weight was crushing, and try as you might to wiggle away or pry him off he wouldn’t budge. You hit him as hard as you could and tried to kick him but it only made him laugh. He pushed his foot down and you could hear your ribs cracking underneath his weight. You screamed, or at least tried to, the best you could muster was a weak, pained, cry.
“I could do this quickly,” he pointed the gun down at you, “But I think I’d rather enjoy my time,” he dug his foot into your chest again, there was more cracking and loud pop.
You wanted to scream but you couldn’t suck in enough air to make a sound. It was worse than being strangled, much worse. You couldn’t pry him off of you or breathe no matter how hard you tried. Your vision started going spotty and you began to fear it might be over for you, but then MJ came out of nowhere. Having somehow freed herself from the bindings she ran to you and grabbed the gun in Fisk’s hand. She tried to aim it upwards but the gun still fired into your left shoulder before she could manage to knock it out of his hands.
“You little bitch!” Fisk barked and turned his attention to her.
Now free from his foot you sucked in a long, painful breath and grabbed your shoulder. It hadn’t hurt as bad as you expected, it felt like something between a bee sting and a punch. You were sure once your adrenaline died down it’d feel a lot worse, but you knew you had to keep going, you couldn’t let him hurt MJ. So you forced yourself to stand and went stumbling towards the gun.
MJ had run back towards his desk, attempting to take cover behind it while he chased her. Fisk grabbed the edge of the desk and threw it to the side, where it went flying through a large glass window. Fisk grabbed MJ by the collar and dragged her towards the broken window as you took hold of the gun.
You stumbled back towards them while Fisk laughed, “Leave her out of it Fisk, this is between you and me,” you aimed the gun at his head once again.
“If you shoot me I’ll just drop her,” he held her over the ledge, “Put the gun down (y/n).”
Your heart pounded against your chest. As much as you would have liked to shoot him you knew you couldn’t without her getting hurt. Slowly you lowered the gun, raising one of your hands in surrender as you did.
Everything was silent, you were too scared to even breathe. Fisk’s lips slowly curled into a smug smile. Your eyes widened as you realized what was about to happen, Fisk let her go and without thinking you fired at him. The bullet hit his leg and he stumbled back, barely catching himself in the window frame. Acting purely on instinct you ran towards the window. Fisk attempted to grab you as you jumped but failed to get a grip on you. Instead he only caused himself to go tumbling out the window after you.
Jumping out of the building felt no different then when you did it in your suit, but you knew you had no grappling hook to catch you. You’d done some research one what to do in the event that your suit malfunctioned and you were stuck in a free fall. You knew you were too high up to survive the fall, but if you could take the majority of the impact then MJ might be able to make it though. You managed to grab one of her hands and pulled her against you. You wrapped your arms around her waist, holding onto her so her back was pressed to your chest. Holding her against you hurt so bad you almost couldn’t do it, you couldn’t imagine how awful it’d feel when you hit the ground. You could only pray that death would be instantaneous.
“MJ you have to try and spread yourself out,” you ordered, “So there’s more surface area, a-and try to land with your head on my chest, that should give you the best chance.”
“No! I’m not gonna fall on you!” she snapped, trying to wrestle your arms off of her.
“You have too!” you snapped back, keeping your grip firm around her, “You’re best chance at surviving is if I take most of the impact,” your eyes burned suddenly, you didn’t dare look beneath you, though you knew you couldn’t have more than a few seconds. Just a few seconds left to live and you had no idea what to say, “I-It’s okay MJ, I’m okay with this. J-Just look out for Heather for me okay, a-and tell P-”
You hit something before you could finish, not cold, hard, concrete like you’d expected, something bouncy and sticky. There was a sudden, sharp pain in the right side of your chest that spread to your back. MJ quickly rolled off of you and although the web wasn’t very stable she did her best to check on you. You glanced around to see if the web had also caught Fisk, but you couldn’t see him. There was no scream, from him or pedestrians walking by, so you had to assume he’d been caught somehow too.
“Don’t move okay? We need to get you to the hospital,” MJ clamped her hands around your shoulder, “That was so stupid, I can’t believe you did that.”
You cracked a smile, “I was in a silly goofy mood.”
“Shut up,” she laughed and used the back of one of her hands to wipe her eyes.
“Holy shit, are you guys okay?” Peter landed on the web side you, the eyes on his suit widened as he looked down at you, “What happened?”
“I got shot,” you laughed weakly as you tried to ignore the pain setting in over your body, “Probably some broken ribs too.”
“You need to get her to the hospital,” MJ squeezed his arm.
Peter nodded and moved to pick you up, with what little strength you did have you tried to push him away, “I’m okay, you can’t leave MJ here.”
“I’m not,” he tried to assure you, “Just focus on staying awake okay? My dad and the rest of Shield will take care of MJ and everything else, don’t worry about that right now.”
“Don’t worry about me, it’s not that bad,” you insisted, just barely letting your eyes fall closed, “I’ve still got like seven lives at least.”
“Hey, eyes open,” Peter ordered, patting your cheek as he scooped you into his arms, “You need to stay conscious.”
“Right, okay,” you forced your eyes open, “I’m okay, it’s not that bad, I was just closing my eyes for a second.”
“Peter here,” MJ stripped her jacket and pressed it against your shoulder, “You need to take her now, she’s lost a lot of blood already.”
He nodded, “(y/n) I need you to hold this on your shoulder as tight as you can. I’ve got to get MJ down but I’ll be right back. Try not to move okay?”
“Okay,” you nodded and held the jacket over your wound while he picked her up. Your curiosity got the better of you though and you ended up pushing the jacket away so you could see the injury, “Holy shit,” your swore at the sight. The top half off your arm was covered in blood. It was too messy to tell exactly where the bullet had entered you, you weren’t even sure if it was still in you or not.
“Don’t look at it, and don’t look down either,” Peter landed beside you again and pressed the jacket against the wound and cradled you against his chest, “Just keep your eyes on me okay? We’re only a few blocks from the hospital, I’m gonna take care of you and my dad will take care of MJ. It’s just like we planned, right?”
All you could do was nod. The adrenaline was dying and the pain was setting it rapidly. Your chest ached and it was hard to breathe, but by far the worst of it was your shoulder. What first felt like a bruise was now starting to burn, like the worst burn you’d ever experienced. It felt like your whole shoulder was boiling, and though Peter was doing his best to keep pressure on it, he was also trying to carry you and swing through the city. You did your best to hold it yourself but you just couldn’t find the strength to really squeeze it.
“I know it hurts baby but you’ve got to keep your eyes open, we’re almost there,” Peter squeezed you against him when he noticed your eyes starting to fall closed again.
You wanted to, but your body simply wouldn’t listen. No matter how hard you tried your eyes kept drooping closed. Peter said something to you again but you couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. You had to focus on breathing, in and out, until everything around you faded.
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
Your eyes felt incredibly heavy when you finally forced them open. At first all you could see was bright white light, for a moment you wondered if you’d died, but as your other senses started to function again you realized you were in the hospital. You could hear a heart monitor beeping loudly beside your ear, and the whole place had a distinct medical smell. Slowly the ceiling came into focus and you forced yourself to look around the room. Peter was right at your side, waiting for you to wake up. MJ sat to the right of him, she was passed out with her head on Heather’s shoulder. Heather was also passed out, her head resting against MJ’s.
“Hey,” Peter sounded tired, his eyes were red and puffy but he wore his normal heart warming smile, “How do you feel?”
“Okay I think,” you glanced down at yourself, you noticed your left arm was in a sling, “I can’t feel much though.”
“Yeah, they’ve got you on some pretty strong painkillers right now,” he stood up and set his hand on your cheek, “I’ve got to call the doctor in alright? They said to ring them as soon as you woke up?”
You nodded, “Okay.”
He leaned down and kissed your forehead before reaching over your bed to press the alert button, “Do you want some water?”
“Please,” you nodded again, “Is everyone else okay?”
“Yeah, I mean MJ was pretty hungry, but you’re the only one that ended up with any major injuries,” he explained while he helped you drink from a water bottle.
“Good,” you relaxed into your hospital bed, “How bad is it?”
“Three broken ribs, two more are cracked, and one of them punctured your right lung,” he avoided your eyes as he spoke but you could see they were growing a bit glossy, “They said you were really lucky actually, the bullet barely missed your brachial artery. If it was even a centimeter to the left you would have been dead.”
“Guess black cats aren’t always bad luck then huh?” you joked, it was a weak attempt to lighten the mood.
A few tears escaped when he brought his eyes back to yours, “I’m sorry, I should have been there.”
You frowned at him, “Peter you saved my life, you have nothing to be sorry for. I can handle being a little beat up.”
“I-I know but I-”
“No buts,” you shook your head, “I’m alive and I’ll heal. You and MJ are both okay and that’s all I could hope for.”
He pursed his lips and kissed the back of your hand, “I’ll be right here for whatever you need okay? I’m gonna make sure healing is as easy as possible for you.”
You smiled and squeezed his hand, “Will you just kiss me? And stop crying because you’re gonna make me cry too.”
He let out an airy laugh and nodded, “Yeah, sorry,” he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, “How’s that?”
“Perfect,” you pulled him in for another just as the door creaked open.
The doctor who entered was a middle aged man, he chuckled at you as he and a nurse entered the room, “Well I hate to interrupt, but I’ve got to go over some things with Miss (l/n).”
“R-Right, sorry,” Peter blushed timidly and sat back down.
“What’s going on?” Heather yawned and rubbed her eyes as she came too. Her eyes widened as soon as they landed on you and her lips immediately curled upward, “You’re awake!” she jumped to her feet excitedly, subsequently forcing MJ awake as well.
“Just a second and I’ll let you all have some time together,” the doctor promised her as he approached your bed side, “Alright (y/n), I’m gonna go over some things with you and run your vitals. I’ll try to keep it brief so you can get some more rest.”
“Thank you,” you glanced over at your friends, who were all watching closely, waiting for the doctor to confirm that you were still okay.
The doctor ran your vitals, once he was sure everything was working properly he began explaining the healing process to you. They estimated it would take you at least two months to fully heal, and you’d have to keep your arm in the sling until your stitches came out so you wouldn’t hurt yourself any further. The last thing he did was change your bandages, Heather hated the sight of blood so she stepped out with MJ while they did, but Peter stayed with you. It hurt like hell and you were too tired to really pay attention while the doctor walked you through the steps, but Peter paid close attention. He wanted to be able to help you in every way he could once you left the hospital.
“Everything seems to be just fine,” the doctor smiled at you as he finished his examination, “All you need to worry about is resting for now. We’ll be back in a few hours with some food and some more medicine for you, if you need anything before then you can just buzz us again.”
“Got it, thank you,” you smiled back at him.
“Fantastic, I’ll send your other friends back in on my way out,” he glanced over to Peter, “Boyfriend, you make sure she gets some more sleep alright?”
Peter’s whole face flushed red, “G-Got it.”
You chuckled at how cute he was, “Come sit with me Peter,” you scooted over to make some room for him on your right side, “I wanna lay with you.”
He moved back to your side and took one of your hands, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea (y/n), I don’t want to end up hurting you.”
“Please?” you did your best to flash the same puppy dog eyes he was always giving you, “It’ll help me sleep.”
He blushed again and nodded, “Okay, just for a little bit though.”
He sat down beside you, letting you set your head on his chest and snuggle up to him. Very carefully he wrapped an arm around your waist, though he was too worried to hold you with any pressure. It was still nice just to have his arm around you, it made you feel better about the whole day.
“Look at the little love birds,” Heather cooed as she and MJ returned to the room, “Peter I hope you know if you hurt her, either by bumping her now or by breaking her heart, you’re as good as dead.”
Peter smiled back at her, “Well the same goes for MJ then.”
“Ah, it’s cute that you think you could take me Stark,” she chuckled before setting her hand on your cheek, “How are you feeling?”
“Great for now, but ask me again when the drugs wear off,” you smiled up at her.
“Yeah I’m sure they’ve got you feeling really good,” she laughed, “I hope you know I’m gonna keep you on a leash for the rest of the year,” she pinched your cheek affectionately, “And if you ever do anything this stupid again I will lock you in my apartment for the rest of your life.”
You blushed, realizing you should have asked Peter what story he’d told her. You were sure some parts of it had made it to the news, but you wanted to make sure your story lined up with whatever Peter and MJ had told her.
“No need to worry, Fisk is gone,” he assured her, “None of us will ever have to see him again.”
“Good,” she took a step back and sighed dramatically, “I guess I better give you a turn too?” she glanced over at MJ with a smile.
MJ nodded, “I’d like to hug you but I don’t want to hurt you so,” she squeezed your hand, “I guess that will have to do for now. I’m sorry you got hurt, I’m really glad you're okay (y/n). I wouldn’t have been able to go back to our dorm without you.”
You blushed and felt your bottom lip quiver. Tears threatened to spill out of your eyes but you did your best to hold them back. You squeezed her hand tight and swallowed the lump forming in your throat.
“I’m glad you're okay too,” you sniffled, “Sorry, i-it’s happy crying.”
“You don’t need to justify crying, we’ve all been crying since we got here,” Heather teared up at the sight of you crying, “God it was terrifying, we just had to sit there and wait for someone to just tell us if you were gonna be okay or not. You know everyone here loves you so much, none of us are gonna care if it’s happy crying or sad crying, we’re just glad you’re okay.”
The dam behind your eyes burst and you started to bawl, “Yeah, I love you guys too.”
Heather did her best to lean in and hug you without bumping your injuries. Peter held you against him while you laughed and cried and held onto your friends. MJ and Heather stayed with you for as long as they could, but only Peter was allowed to stay overnight with you. You tearfully said goodbye to your friends and you and Peter were finally left alone in the room.
“Peter,” you cleared your throat nervously, “Is Fisk…” you trailed off, unable to force the words off your tongue.
He nodded, “He’s dead, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
“He fell trying to grab me,” you flushed, “And I shot him in the leg right before that. I’m sorry.”
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about,” he set his hand on your cheek, “He fell because of what he did, you aren’t responsible for that. Please don’t feel bad about anything that happened today, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I don’t feel bad about it, I know it wasn’t my fault,” you laid your head on his chest with a sigh, “I’m just sorry it went down like this, I wanted him to get arrested and rot in jail for a while.”
“Me too, but I’m happy he can’t hurt you again,” he kissed the top of your head before he continued, “Why don’t you try and get some sleep? You don’t need to worry about anything but healing right now.”
You nodded in agreement and closed your eyes, “You’ll stay with me right?”
“I’ll stay right here all night,” he promised, “I’m never going anywhere.”
“Good,” you yawned and snuggled further into his chest, “I love you Peter.”
“I love you too,” he smiled and kissed your head again, “Get some rest now okay?”
“Okay.”
You drifted off to sleep tucked against his chest for the third night in a row. You were starting to get used to it now and you were sure there was nowhere in the world you’d rather be.
next chapter
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Taglist:
@spideyssunshine @spideyspeaches @niallsvirgosun @namoreno @thevery-firstpage @roseke @zspideyy @tomsirishgirlx @emistrash @peachyafshawn @agbspidey @andreagf956 @sleepybesson @raajali3 @misshale21 @nj01 @prancerrparkerr @xoxomaterialgirl @mayal0pez @ellabellabus07 @rednights @minjix @belovedholland @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah @holyhumorliteraturelight @collywobbl @graciexmarvel @blankspaceblankday @mads-weasley @edgycatx @secretsthathauntus @kbakery @lnmp89 @negasonic-teenage-asshole
#peter parker#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker x reader angst#peter parker x reader fluff#peter parker x reader#stark!peter x reader#stark!peter#that which binds you#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#tom holland#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland x reader#tom holland imagine#spiderman#spiderman x reader#spiderman fanfiction#marvel fanfiction#tom holland blurb#spiderman x y/n#mcu imagine#mcu peter parker#mcu fanfiction#tom x reader#peter x you#peter x reader#peter parker headcanon#spiderman x you#tom holland headcanon#peter parker spiderman
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Hello and welcome! I'm Sparky Lurkdragon.
This about page is intended to be more of a Before You Follow than a Do Not Interact. If I don't want you around, I will block you. This information is intended to help you make a decision that works for you personally. I will add to it as need be.
Name: Sparky
Pronouns: They/Them
Age: Born in 1987; you can do the math.
Interests: The big three are storytelling, zoology, and videogames. Thus, you will see a lot of writing meta, interesting animals, and (primarily retro or long-running) videogame talk.
Other (active) blogs:
Lurkdragon Stuff - My creative works blog. Things I made myself: mostly fanfic and art.
How Gay To Be Queer - My nature blog, with a focus on nature's weirder side and the occasional queer community post. Also includes some of my nonfiction writing.
Fandoms (non-exhaustive):
Ecco the Dolphin
Team ICO series (particularly Shadow of the Colossus)
The Legend of Zelda
Sonic the Hedgehog
Metroid
Skies of Arcadia
Seventh Cross: Evolution
Raptor Red
Flight Rising
The Sims 3
Genesis-era and Dreamcast-era games in general
Blue Öyster Cult's music
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
(Patrick voice) Is zoology a fandom?
Favourite creatures:
Dragons
Cetaceans (particularly bottlenose dolphins, orcas, blue whales, and humpback whales, but they're all amazing)
Prehistoric cetaceans (Particularly Odobenocetops and Basilosaurus)
Dromaeosaurs (particularly Utahraptor)
Cats (particularly housecats)
Things To Bear In Mind:
I love to see people go through my archive on reblogging and liking sprees. You won't annoy me by going through my old stuff; quite the contrary. I tag scrupulously because I like doing the same sometimes!
I am a Certified Diagnosed Autistic. It took about five years of already knowing and hitting rock bottom to get it paid for by the state. Self-diagnosis is good and right.
I'm dragonkin, and I explain it as a psychological phenomenon.
I'm proudly queer - asexual demiromantic genderqueer nonbinary if you want the details - and get grumpy real quick about queer-is-an-unreclaimable-slur and other exclusionist nonsense.
I have celebrated Banned Books Week since I was a tot, grew up in the shadow of the tail end of the Satanic Panic, lived through the formation of the ESRB and LiveJournal's Strikethrough, and feel censorship of fiction and purity culture never leads anywhere good for me or mine. I also get grumpy real quick about this.
I'm otherwise fairly easygoing. Despite griping about minor pet peeves sometimes, I'm very much in Camp You Do You and Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That's Okay.
Idiosyncratic tags:
I try to tag for most common triggers. I use 'cw' for 'content warning'.
#untagged - I did not have the spoons to tag/fully tag this post. Consider it equivalent to AO3's 'Creator Chose Not To Warn' tag: it may be completely innocuous or it may have Upsetting Things in it.
#general content warning, #general cw - Similar to #untagged, except it definitely has something that is probably triggering for some folks, but I didn't have the spoons to unpack what.
#meatspace sparky - Things from my personal offline life. I have long preferred using 'meatspace' to oppose 'cyberspace' instead of 'IRL,' because cyberspace is real life, too.
#urist the cat - My cat, Miss Urist, and her silly little face.
#so cute it hurts - Cute tag. Mostly animals, some fandom stuff. My idea of cute is sometimes nonstandard (bugs are there).
#oh dear - Roughly 'laugh rule' or 'smile rule'. Things that gave me a chuckle or made me smile.
#OH DEAR! - Made me laugh very hard.
#gallows humour - What it sounds like. Mostly things that made me laugh but in a 'laugh so you don't cry' way.
#work inappropriate - NSFW.
#purity culture - It all goes there because It Is All The Fucking Same, no matter if it's about meatspace or fandom.
#i read banned books - A slogan from the American Library Association's annual Banned Books Week, and a guiding philosophy.
#the passage of time is illegal I'm pretty sure - Things that make me feel old.
#predation - I reblog animals eating other animals sometimes.
#whump - I like torture fiction sometimes.
I tag animals with plurals. So if there's something you don't want to see, add their plural form to your blacklist.
#what even are [x] - Often 'what even are plants'. Moments where I learned something new or was reminded of something weird. Plants are strange and mysterious entities for a hobbyist zoologist.
#i love videogames and hate the videogame industry - Self-explanatory.
#about me - Somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Posts that make me go 'oh same' on a fairly deep level.
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BRICKETH MY GORGEOUSETH!!!
yes that’s a real word. FIGHT ME ON IT!
I have questions for you :D (finally T-T)
What do you find sparks the most inspiration when writing?
Pick: never be able to read again, or only be able to read backwards (no word shuffling)
What’s a fav hobby for you outside of writing?
Top 3 fav fandoms go!
What gets you mothers most excited? Reblogs, comments or asks?
What was the first thing that sparked an idea for a dsmp gt centred fic?
As a fellow mlb fan, fav ship out of the love square?
You’ve asked me before but: what do you write on, font and font size, colour user?
Your favourite dsmp gt fic
Your least favourite dsmp gt fic
A fic you wished got more notes then it did
A fic that performed better than you were expecting
Do you write for yourself or for others?
If you could change one canon thing from dsmp season 1, what would it be and why?
A character you think is underrated
Something canon about your c!sona
Your fav oc and lil bit of info about them.
A random thing you like that others often don’t.
Ok I think I added enough questions! Go wild!!! Love you Brick!!! Have a lollipop 🍭
HILOOO!! I LOVE BRICKETH DSFJGDSJDNF!!!
SDGHFDSJGCSDFDNF THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS I LOVE YOU!!
probably music when i'm actually writing, and sometimes shows/movies will spark aus ideas cause yk it's pretty easy to pick a plot from a movie/show subplot,,
read backwards!! it'd be cool because 1. i could learn to read backwards and 2. it'd make suspense & tension so much better! i love when characters in a horror movie slowly make sense of something written backwards :D
mm probably baking? idk i'm a very boring person irl so it has to be baking--i'm not very good at making baked goods look appealing but it always tastes really good :D and it's just fun to be in the kitchen and bake sdjjgdsdnf
uhuhuhuh g/t dsmp & horror,,,, is horror a fandom??? it is now!
ASKS AND COMMENTS!!! I LOVE READING THINGS!!! I WOULD RATHER HAVE 100 COMMENTS AND 1 REBLOG THAN 1 COMMENT AND 100 REBLOGS
mm time to get into this !! probably little streamer au, because that sparked an idea for an au where dream was tiny and george was human. then i wanted to ask ppl for prompts and then curiosity came from a prompt i got on a random prompt generator. at the time it wasn't g/t and was a normal fic following the same plot except wilbur was a lot friendlier and didn't trap tommy sdhjsdnf
marichat, it's so basic and so underrated, i get so hapy whenever i see the two of them together :D also for some reasons they're vibes are pretty cool. all of their scenes are nice
i used to color my pages when i was bored but then i stopped. so currently, i write in size 8 and my font is times new roman. aaand i write mainly on google docs, but sometimes i'll write on notes if im in a hurry (usually tho notes is for quick idea jots)
supermarket au will forever have a VERY special place in my heart and i looove supervillain and super...tiny? au, so i'm going to go with those two before i add more and never end my ramble sdjgjsdnf
alr for this i am not doing anyone elses fic and instead doing mine because 1. i don't think i could pick one and 2. if i did i don't think i have the heart to say cause i don't want to make anyone upset :'D SO from MY aus, my least favorite is probably my mlb au. the concept is amazing but worldbuilding is incredibly confusing and i keep changing the au plan,,,
MY GHOST FILES FIC!! I'M SATISFIED THAT I GOT SOME NOTES ON IT BC YEE THAT'S AWESOME BUT I HAD A LOT OF NOTES ON OTHER POSTS ABOUT IT, WHERE DID THOSE PPL GO??
hmm probably oh george. i knew it would do semi-well but i didn't expect it to get almost 100 notes--- the dsmp g/t fandom really likes dream apparently sejhgjsdnf
it depends, some of my wips are for me and won't be posted (looking at you non g/t fics) but my g/t fics are usually for other people, especially those gifts i give out. looking at my recent post i definitely think i like writing for other ppl tho
honestly (and this may be just because i haven't finished the lore yet) i think i would want tubbo to do the s1 ending. when he mentioned that he said he thought amnesia was lazy but it wasn't up to him, it makes me wonder what he'd come up with, because tubbo is a really smart guy when he needs to be
hbomb!! i don't watch him a lot and i've only seen him a bit in lore but so far all of the interactions with sbi in pogtopia era i really like hbomb :D
her home is very tidy despite her temper,,
i don't have too many ocs but my favorite is probably celina! i made her a while back with my friend a few years ago. basically the whole thing we did was celina is a "crazy lunatic nurse" get it? C(razy)eL(unatic)iN(urse)a i was pretty proud of that one lol. anyway the "lore" was just me and her doing a huge game of hide and seek in a roblox game asfdjgdfsjdnf. legit i was hunting her for about 4 hours
i genuinely have no idea-- maybe VORE?? i mean i have this little friend group on here that likes it and i'm in a community that likes it but if i walk up to someone irl and say "hey i like people eating other people alive :D" then i don't think it'd end well LMAO
THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THESE LOVELY QUESTIONS! HAVE A BRICK! HAVE TWO! 🧱🧱
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i usually reblog from the original author, but i need to share this quiz
which SAWAYAMA song are you by cinnamoroll
my absolute favorite album ever ugh please listen to rina, every song is perfection
i love this quiz so much that i decide to save all the results
tokyo love hotel
oh honey. oh honey baby sweetiepie. you are a hopeless romantic and it maybe hasn't really been working out for you. you idealise the concept of love so much the real thing seems terrifying...what's that richard siken quote about religion? anyways i'm here to tell you that that's okay! you deserve that perfect romcom you've been envisioning and your soulmate is out there if you believe in them!! god i love love. have a good day friend!
whos gonna save u now?
you are tired of being nice, you want to start throwing rocks at people. you are valid! but are they really worth your energy? you're probably a very sensible person, so it's important to think about if the gratification you get out of things is up to par with the energy you put into it. that being said, nothing wrong with throwing rocks at some people, i trust you and your judgement, just remember to put on the thinking machine
xs
you're probably addicted to retail therapy. what were your quarantine splurges so far? you know your worth, don't be afraid to let other people know too! confidence is sexy! no but seriously you're probably a very empathetic person and feel bad for demanding things sometimes but it's okay to want things!!
snakeskin
you tend to make quick judgements. gut feelings are often right but remember that onions have layers and not everyone is out to get you! trust is a wonderful thing and once you have it you cling onto it. don't be scared to give yours to others too, i promise its worth it. also fix your sleep schedule, mwah.
stfu
You probably have a strong moral compass and you're not afraid to make it known, even if it might not always be received well. stay true to yourself, bud, keep fighting the good fight and punch someone in the face for me mwah
love me 4 me
you're all about reinventing yourself! and you're also probably been taking a lot of personality quizzes like this because you want them to tell you who to be this week. i could tell you to just be yourself or sth rn but... yawn? you know that, we're not basic like that here. instead i will encourage you to do what makes you happy!! if its the complete opposite of what it was yesterday that is OKAY, you know yourself best (right after the uquiz makers)
comme des garcons
god this song is just so good. sorry got distracted. recently you've probably been trying to be less dependent on other people's validation and i'm very proud of u!! selfcare tip: put on a fashion show for yourself, put this song on for atmosphere. pick your head up queen your crown is falling and all that!
#uquiz#uquizzes#music#zodiac#medium uquiz#no quotes lyrics#disability friendly#my rsults:tokyo love hotel#funny enough as much i love her debut i havent listened to her new album#i like the title track tho
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