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angwlhr3t · 1 month

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How to be a bad bitch ˚₊‧ guide ‧₊˚

no borax, no glue <3

Hey babes.. have you been feeling down lately? not yourself?? unconfident???? Lucky for you I have a step by step guide on how to gain your confidence back ..

so prepare yourself a snack, get comfy, and read on ~ 🩷

SECTION 1 ࿐࿔ FAKE PEOPLE

so ur feeling sad over what others have been saying? why girl?? you are a literal QUEEN

now, we have ALL had that one girl or group of girls that are complete bitches for no reason at all.. wondering why ?

first you need to realize a few things .. NEVER waste your time on people that are lower then u, they just want to see you sad.. and guess what. you are doing exactly. what. they. want. 90% of the time we get upset over other peoples actions or words.. just think.. "are they really worth my time"..? now if a bitch is talking bad about you behind your back just know.. she is intimidated by you girl. you have beauty and confidence that she dreams of. theres a reason shes talking behind your back. Another thing, if another girl calls you ugly.. she is insecure and you are NOT ugly just think .. has she ever called u ugly or made fun of you for something and then turned around and did the same thing? yup that's a jealous bitch for ya.. she is completely jealous of you!! take everthing she says like a grain of salt because that bitch just wants to see you down!! you have something she doesn't which intimidates her!! and remember, you will always be ahead of that girl. nobody can replace the original.

think of it like like shein and their lulu dupes.. sure they get the job done for a little while.. but after a few washes they are run down and good for nothing!! you are worth way more than a jealous bitch trust me.

SECTION 2 ࿐࿔ BAD BITCHES ARE KIND.

there is a HUGE difference between a bad bitch. and a bitch.

you can be a bad bitch without being rude.. and I'ma tell you how!!

okay so in the last section we talked about how to keep your confidence going even though there are people trying to let you down. first off It's good to have confidence but that cocky attitude where you think you are better than everybody is not at all. even if you think you are better than everybody you don't have to put others down to gain your confidence.. karma is 100% real and the energy that you reflect on others will come back and bite you in the ass and that's a fact..

thats another reason why you shouldnt get involved in school drama because it's honestly pointless. always be kind to people even if you don't really like them..

also something I have been struggling with personally and may help u is that not everybody has the same views as you.. nobody is the same and people view things differently than you almost always.. so always be open to others opinions because you can learn a lot and gain some listening skills

SECTION 3 ࿐࿔ PAMPERING

okay so just about every girl loves anything beauty..

so heres some tips and ideas for u <33

hair: okay so for hair I wouldn't wash my hair everyday because it can strip your hair of its natural oils.. I highly recommend hair masks. they are absolutely amazing .. expecially the natural ones !! you can always look on Pinterest for recipes on what you are trying to fix and they almost always work or help.

(for example- hair mask for split ends)

now I live by this.. silk pillow cases.. they are amazing and super beneficial to the skin and hair so are scalp scrubbers!! scalp scrubbers help get rid of dandruff and build up. AND even if you don't have dandruff or buildup they can help get healthy hair !!

makeup: if you are looking to switch up your makeup routine or try something new don't be scared !! try something new on the weekend to see if you like it first!

if you struggle with eyeliner don't give up! use an angled brush and brown eyeshadow instead of liquid eyeliner.. it is so much easier to use and saves so much time.

lips are important girl ! you want your lips to stand out so find your own lip combo that suits u!! aquaphor or Vaseline helps tons with blending out your lip liner.

my opinion but I think everybody looks good with blush on their nose and a little tiny bit of highlighter. it tops the look off and it doesn't leave your nose looking so dull. Also if you havent you should try layering mascaras ! putting on more than one mascara can create a fuller and prettier look. Always remember that makeup is to enhance your features not cover them.. your unique features are what makes you, you !

pinterest is the perfect place to look for makeup inspo.. try something new you might like it <33

skincare: everybodys skin is different.. so never follow just anybody's skincare routine because they have a different skin type than u. what works on their skin might not work on yours.. so be careful what you use and do your research before anything.

Natural ingredients are the best thing for your skin. they are packed with good oils that feed your skin into looking healthy and glowy !

if u want a sharp jawline or to reduce swelling in your face get a gua sha! or you could look up on Pinterest face massages that help with a better jawline they work almost the same. so you want to find a essential oil that targets what you are wanting to fix.

heres some examples <33

oils ᡣ𐭩

avocado oil - helps with preventing signs of premature aging skin, like dark spots

tea tree oil - (used best for acne)

jojoba oil - helps with smooth dry skin, prevent flakiness, and improve skin elasticity

argan oil - helps reduce the appearance of spots, acne scars, dark spots and pigmentation, and dark circles under the eyes.

after you have found the oil for you put a small amount all over your face and massage it In. There is a correct way to use a gua sha so I would look up a YouTube tutorial on how to use it.

Acne is a whole other story.. there are different kinds of acne and not every kind of acne can be treated with the same thing.

but remember acne doesn't make you ugly <3 almost everybody goes through it and it will not last forever.

<3 love -angwl

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blood-injections · 7 months

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Hang on. Fuck. New suitehearts au and new backstories for it. Okay so technically killjoys like they choose to fight but also like. Total Freaks and nobody in the zones trusts them. Most people dont even know theyre real, the Suitehearts are just a ghost story. But they're real, haunting an abandoned amusement park in the real fringes of the zones, someplace nobody in their right minds would live. You could spend a night there, maybe, and survive, but living there? Its way too irradiated. But it doesn't seem to bother the suitehearts.

They're all.. off. Physically and mentally. They should be dead from radiation, instead they thrive in it. And they're just sane enough to pass as people but really they’re all more than a little Fucked Up, in their heads, in their very cells. They’re more like wild animals. They’re unwell in some way but formidable all the same. The killjoys that do know them are glad they're on their side and not Better Living's.

Benzedrine grew up in death valley, the scorching, radioactive wastelands beyond the zones. His parents were a couple rich fucks that waited out the helium wars in a bunker in the hills by Vegas, he was just a kid. It was.. a mess. The peace between his parents who always had a strained relationship didn't last long. The longer they were stuck in the bunker the more the three of them went mad. His parents refused to tell him what was happening, having shut themselves in the bunker at the first sign of war. He just knows hes stuck in this place and the ground shakes and he wants to see the sun again, he doesnt understand why this is happening. Eventually the television isnt getting any channels and the radios all static and his parents dont know whats happening either. They all get crazier. His parents argue, becoming more violent towards eachother every day. He stays shut in his room, reading the few books he has until he can practically recite them from memory. One day something changes. He hears a gunshot. Then another. He finds his parents dead in their bedroom.

He wants to leave but he grounds still shaking. He knows it isn't safe. He keeps his parent's rooms door shut and pretends that nothing is wrong. They were running out of food but now that its just him it lasts three times as long. Eventually he convinces himelf hes always been alone here, theres not rotting corpses just down the hall. Eventually, months go by without the ground shaking, and he's getting low on rations. He ventures outside. Up into the nuclear sunlight. He knows he has to find somewhere else to go. Hes young, he has no clue what to do, he has no vehicle or anything, but his instincts guide him towards the city on the horizon. That city is familiar, despite the fact that it should be unrecognizable in the ruins it is, he knows its Vegas. He starts walking. After a few days he starts to get sick. It's the radiation. He has no idea he emerged from that bunker straight into an irradiated wasteland. He finds a town, scours it for water. He's getting sicker by the day, something is very wrong with him. He doesn't feel like a kid, he feels like a fucking soldier, pushing through the pain and delirium, still walking as his skin blisters and hair falls out and guts twist, rotting from the inside out. He feels like he should be dead but somehow he stays just well enough to keep going. Eventually he enters a kind of in between state, where he isn’t quite getting worse, but he’s still rotting. He isn't dying but he isn't getting better either.

After a couple weeks he finds the others. Or, well, the others find him. He passes out, from the radiation or sunstroke, could be anything. He probably would've been fine, woken back up after a few hours, maybe a few days, with his throat dry and screaming as the sun sets and the desert cools. But instead he was found, waking up in a van with bandages covering his blistered skin.

Its other kids, that don't feel like kids anymore. He learns about radiation sickness, thats he's lucky to be pulling through it. Sandman, he learns, has a similar story to him, minus the bunker and parents killing eachother. He's from Texas, saw the pig bomb that started the wars fall with his own eyes. The light, the mushroom cloud. The wars started, his dad fought and didnt come home, he drifted through orphages and survivor groups until he decided to run away, hearing about safety to the west. He stole a motorcycle from someone in the group and left. Hes been wandering the wastes for longer than any of them and apparently went through the same sickness from radiation, but not as bad as Benze, or Donnie did, for that matter, since sandman was somewhere where he had medical help when it came. He's.. strange, right off the bat. Quiet and withdrawn one minute loud and boisterous the next. He laughs too much at things that are entirely not funny and he has a dark sense of humor. At night his eyes shine like crazy and his teeth are a bit Too sharp. Apparently he met Crab after a little while. The stolen bike ran out of gas in the middle of the wasteland and he had to walk. Crab came with an old van and picked him out of the sands and they became fast friends. Crabs the oldest of the group behind Donnie, hes the one that acts the oldest, the most responsible. Apparently he just drifted around, driving where his gut took him, scavenging. Sandman told him about the rumors of the far west and they headed out. They found Donnie after a few weeks together, when they stopped at Vegas, daring to venture into the ruins for supplies. They found Donnie, and after a very tense standoff told him about the rumors too and that they had room in their van. Donnie basically went fuck it and decided to join them, but didn't really get along with them until, a couple days later, when they found Benze, picking him out of the static. Benzedrine's a mystery to the rest of them, who all went through the wost of the sickness ages ago, and here he is like the bombs just fell again. He's got it real bad, too. Sandman had it easy, but he’s seen others die of it, rotting from the inside out. Benzedrine doesn't look that bad, but he looks like he should be a lot worse off than he is when he wakes up and demands to know where he is and who they are.

They quickly learn he's a wild animal. They're all broken in some way- Sandman, his shit always dialed to eleven, eyes glowing, harboring a billion secrets he only tells in riddles. Crab, always on edge, paranoid, in the surface he’s the most level headed of the bunch but he’s far from fine. He walks off when they stop to rest at night to be alone and do god knows what, and he goes long periods of time without speaking. Donnies quiet, secretive, grumpy, his eyes glaze over at particularly loud sounds, breath speeding up like hes having a flashback. Other than that, his face always flat, expressionless as he stares into the distance. Something about him feels dangerous.

And Benzedrine, fucked as well. He spent so long convincing himself he was fine and then longer running on autopilot, that when he wakes up, once the panic fades he's all unnerving smiles. He seems way too normal for someone that should be dead. He's always optomistic, except for when hes annoyed or angry. He has moods that last for days sometimes and when hes in one, hes someone else entirely. Snarling like a rabid dog at the littlest things. The sickly little guy gets fucking terrifying.

But he heads west with them and they keep him around and surprisingly, he gets close with Donnie after a few late night talks when their minds are clearest. They have a really weird thing, they dont seem like they’d work but they do, they can basically read eachother's minds. The quiet grumpy one with the far too bright one, and theyre both secretly the opposite. Once Donnie lets Benze in he starts letting the others in and they really start to become a Crew.

They make it to the zones, become killjoys and claim a base where they know they'll be safe, in the borderlands, where neither killjoys nor bli would venture. Because most all the killjoys here, they've got a certain amount of resistance to the radiation, but they'll never walk right into it. But the Suitehearts? They're survivors, they faced the radiation and survived it and now it lives in them and they can live in it. They become urban legends but they're just a crew like anyone else, safe in their freaky amusement park base, all of them Wrong in some way. Crazy bright eyeshine or Sandman's too-sharp teeth or the way the sun and weather and sickness seems to have no effect on Benzedrine. The way Donnie can hear the smallest thing from across a valley or the way Crab could navigate with his eyes closed. All of them changed, and all of their minds fucked, cracked. Wild, unnatural laughter that will give you chills. The way they're all a little too good at killing. The first time Benzedrine did he stared between the gun in his hands and the drac on the ground and smiled, this new thrill something he quickly became obsessed with, blood something he all but hungered for. Think ybc. Literal bloodlust, maybe. An alter ego, where all he can see is red(or, well, I guess it’d be yellow lol). Anyway, the four of them, each a little inhuman in their own ways, strange and deadly.

I'm obsessed with them, radioactive wasteland survivor freaks. They're not quite monsters but they're definitely inhuman in some way. They came back wrong except they didnt come back they were just changed as they survived. Radiation mutations and pstd and mental illnesses and concerning obsessions with blood.

#america’s suitehearts #ttlotfk #what should i call this au #uuh Radioactive Freaks #that works for now #radioactive freak suitehearts #corvidscrap

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spidermanifested · 3 months

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this is not my usual type of post but ive been rotating some thoughts and i guess my blogs as good a place as any to get them organized. okay so this is basically my take on the entire discourse surrounding the "feminine (presumed cis lets be honest) women are uniquely oppressed for being feminine/making female characters quote unquote Less Feminine is antifeminist" thing. which i keep seeing come up. on this internet of ours

context being im a trans guy. grew up largely seen by others as female, probably, sort of. was about as far from a cishet womans feminine as you can imagine. not in a cool tomboy way. not in a way that society had a box for. and thats the thing, is that when you fail at gender, whether youre conscious of it or not, theres this extremely profound loneliness that comes with it. part of it was the autism but i made like 6 real-life friends total from ages 4 to 18 and there were no examples of anyone with an even remotely adjacent experience i could find in the media or irl. anytime a female character skirted a little too close to actual masculinity in a tv show or movie shed get that makeover eventually. i was bullied by both boys and girls but the girls who bullied me were uniformly very feminine.

and so i see people talking about how hard feminine women and girls have it, how the world hates them for being beautiful, and on the one hand its like okay, Misogyny Exists. thats not really refutable thats just the reality of it. society hates women. and as for eurocentric femininity specifically i understand its a hard tightrope to walk!!! you have to put on all these masks BUT make them seem natural, youre forced into these narrow boxes of acceptable behavior and appearance and desires, and if you under- or over-shoot then people get reminded the whole thing is a farce and get mad (often violently!) at YOU for it

........but then my thing is, that on one side of the tightrope, the "overperforming eurocentric femininity" side, the tradwife or girlboss or blonde bimbo side, theres an entire history of structural trope-crafting to break your fall, right. like its a shitty box but its the box society WANTS you to be in. they look at you and go "yep thats a woman. we dont like those but that sure is one". there are known social niches to carve out. theres a script.

on the unfeminine side theres just. nothing. its stone cold concrete down there. and apparently twitter would have you believe its actually that the "more masculine" somebody presumed female appears the more society respects them but that to me is the wildest and most nonsense take on the planet because if people see you as a woman or girl who has not taken the needed steps to justify your place as one of those things you might as well be an alien, or even a monster. theres no script at all. and i feel like this is one of the major experiences that trans and gnc people of every gender share-- god knows trans women get the brunt of the vitriol-- and from my knowledge a lot of nonwhite people too, and also fat and disabled people, like. there are SO many things that affect your ability to achieve even a fraction of success at this aspirational femininity.

ive had to see people for real make the argument that princess peach making an angry face is masculine. i think the most masculine woman anyone on twitter can imagine right now is like a businesswoman in a form-fitting pantsuit and light mascara. maybe the struggle of succeeding at femininity under patriarchy deserves exploration, ive seen plenty of coherent and reasonable points, its not without worth as a discussion. but i do not trust the general public with the topic without immediately sliding into bog standard gender policing and transphobia, and so in closing, when the mainstream feminist take on the whole thing seems to be "the more you perform the femininity expected of you the worse you have it", i get the sensation that nobody told me it was opposite day and im about to feel real silly

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bastardrobocop · 3 months

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not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

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teeth--thief · 3 months

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HI UM! i was just looking through your blog and i saw that you really like toptunov and. ummm yeah me too AUSHSHSNSNSNA im so excited :33

i was wondering if u had any resources to learn a bit about him? im gonna read through the books on the drive but if theres anything specific on him i would love to know !!! i read midnight in chernobyl so there's that! but if theres anything else

and um yeah! his whole story and being is so. captivating to me. he was just a guy!!! he told jokes ajd AUGHHH can u tell that im insane

Wow that is so odd that you'd ever think I have an interest in that man. I'm a serious and respectable researcher. So anyway, let's get into my girlfriend, dead wife and favourite boy - Lyonya!

I'm afraid there isn't one definite source to read to learn all about him... what he was up to after the explosion is described in a particularly gut wrenching way in the book by Yuri Shcherbak, (not the translated one, the Russian original) if that's something you're interested in. Midnight in Chernobyl is probably the book to read if one is interested in his person, there's little else you can learn about him from other books, sadly.

I can share any and all interesting bits I do know about him that aren't just in any particular... thing... that I have learnt up until this point in my quest to find out absolutely everything. For starters in Midnight in Chernobyl, Sasha Korol claimed our dear Lyonya got into a drunken fight with the thermodynamics tutor, right? Well, Lyonya's room-mate from collage says otherwise :)

Y.I. (I'd rather not put him on blast in case he'd prefer to keep a low profile) commented under Kupnyi's interview with Korol:

The translation is in the alt text but the jist is this: there was never any fight with any tutor or professor or anyone else (Y.I. says Toptunov was "non-confrontational"). There was, however, an argument between Lyonya and another student, which got reported to the higher ups by a professor who witnessed the whole thing. And yes, his dad saved his ass, just like it's described in the book. Not something he would have been saved from that easily if he actually beat up a member of the teaching staff, I reckon.

Korol is an unreliable narrator, unfortunately. Nothing against him, I'm sure his objective in life is not to make Toptunov look bad, if the fact that they had each others' keys and were always real... close together in pictures - hey, I'm not judging, you guys do you - is anything to go by, but to me it's pretty clear that the years took their toll on him. Perhaps he wanted to make Lyonya seem cooler.

He worked (or interned?) in Kiev, in the Department of Nuclear Safety and Control of Reliability of Reactor Installations. Maybe that's where that one mysterious photo of him, in which nobody knows what he's doing, comes from...

Another interesting thing? Apparently Lyonya wasn't too keen on being a Lyonya. He preferred being called Lyosha. Okay, well, what does that even mean? asks any non-Slavic speaker at this moment. It means that he used a diminutive not for his name - Leonid - when introducing himself, but for the name Aleksey. So much so that in an interview with Stolyarchuk, he just straight up calls him "Aleksey Toptunov". Lyosha is also how (at least one of) his Prypiat neighbours knew him. Given that his name was not that popular in his generation, maybe he felt as if it was too old school... an Old Man's Name.

There are two lost media... bits regarding him, too. I learned about both from @/toptunovleonid on Instagram who is THE Toptunov expert, truly. Nobody does it like she does, 10/10, I'd trust her with my life. One is an apparent article from around 2015 claiming that he was in the collage choir for a short period of time and another being medical documents, perhaps related to army admission or training. He was apparently 185cm and 86kg at, I'm guessing, 18-19. There is literally no "professional" explanation as to why and what do I know this for.

With this weirdly specific titbit, I'm done. For now, at least. Can't share all the things at once, can I? Hope you enjoyed this alarmingly long post. Next time I shall share Every Picture I Have Found Of Him. Perhaps. We'll see.

#i am child sized compared to that man. how awfully humiliating...#'okay that's enough' said I after sharing unhinged knowledge about Just Some Guy #file: ask!#asker: @ur-favourite-basil-enthusiast #file: special interest: chernobyl #leonid toptunov #26th april 1986 #chornobyl #чернобыль #nuclear disaster #chernobyl

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mrghostrat · 6 months

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im gonna be completely honest, the streamer au reminds me exactly of my streamer rpf days... how people talk about streamer aziracrow is 1:1 how people would talk and write about their streamer ships. so while i am in love w/ your au its giving me Flashbacks to Times..brr

thfhtf UNDERSTANDABLE the rpf days were dark and i have Been There. nobody understands better than me TRUST ME

(and also make sure u remember you can blacklist tags if you need a break bc theres no reason you should suffer if youre feelin squicked out by something, even if it's temporary)

idk why im such a sucker for famous AUs and the idea of being Perceived. (i've been honestly trying to figure this out lately, and i think it's the appeal of writing Ideal Rolemodels that i didn't have, or that i wished we all had more of. so whether it's outsider POV of teachers or celebs or aziraphale being a weird bookseller who gives queer kids a safe space to read, orrrrrrr a chaotic evil twitch streamer who is actually a good person turns out to be secretly married to his roommate, which means safe queer relationships do indeed exist so one day you might find one too, but it's so exciting to see something like that presented on your screen, especially when it's a real person, because you suddenly feel validated for merely existing)

so yea it's just nice being able to go ham on this kind of setting with two extremely fictional characters that suffer nothing for it.

#you want dark times with a happy ending?: i used to write and draw rpf for a youtuber and now we're FRIENDS and WORK TOGETHER #I HAVE 👏 BEEN THERE 👏 AND I LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER 👏#ask a rat

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tepparetai · 28 days

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the entire latch cast GO (jk. just teppare... or just minato... :] )

HIIIIIII DEMI THANK YOU DEMI i'll do teppare because theyre my special guys... i had a whole essay typed but then i left my computer unattended for the weekend & it didn't save so im trying to write what i remember. (also im skipping the fav line ones because theres no english translation and im NOT trusting my memory when it comes to japanese hope thats okay)

UNDER THE CUT FOR RAMBLING

udaka

favorite thing about them: I LOVE PAPA he's always so calm and collected and everyone respects him but at the same time he just radiates warmth and kindness and seems so easily approachable. i would trust him with my life. also the fact that he's an ojisan idol we deserve more of those

least favorite thing about them: that being said he IS one of the more boring characters since he's so perfect i guess.... he needs a good character flaw

brOTP: teppare

OTP: him and his lovely wife of course. and old man yaoi when im insane. they could have an open marriage or something im not here to judge

nOTP: obviously wouldn't ship him with the youngest ones like 🍼 but nobody does. thank god

random headcanon: he doesnt have the heart to kill bugs in the house❤️ he catches them and releases them outside instead

unpopular opinion: he deserves to go apeshit at least once

song i associate with them: sir they are idols. are you asking for real (sunrise and peace)

favorite picture of them:

IM STILL NOT OVER THIS ONE NOT ENOUGH OF YOU LOOKED AT IT i want to put him in my pocket and carry him around with me everywhere i go

also i think he looks very dashing in his plain old station attendant uniform sprite too

minato

favorite thing about them: MY SILLY he's a bit weird but so kind and caring oniisan😫😫 he always puts others before himself and just wants everyone to be happy and get along. and i've talked about this before but i love the little smile lines under his eyes it's a charming detail and a reminder that hes a happy guy and also 35

least favorite thing about them: NOTHING he is perfect although i AM starting a gofundme to buy this man some socks since he doesnt seem to have any ever and once you notice it you cant unsee

brOTP: teppare

OTP: [REDACTED] also im passing him around like a blunt. dm me

nOTP: i can't stand ⏸️⚓ i don't mind them as friends but their dynamic is like a babysitter looking after a toddler. cant see whats romantic in that

random headcanon: he has beautiful blue eyes like the sea :) and since the monorail from haneda airport connects to tokyo through hamamatsucho station he is the best english speaker among teppare and also the designated tourist encounter handler

unpopular opinion: hes NOT an uwu softboy that man is SOME kind of freak i can feel it in my bones

song i associate with them: peace the most

favorite picture of them:

i have this one as my phone bg sometimes because it looks like hes giving you a hug ^_^ makes me happy

kita

favorite thing about them: AUUGGHH he's obviously meant to be a Funnyguy™ but it's so endearing how genuinely enthusiastic he is about sharing the thing he's passionate about with others..... he has SO MUCH love and appreciation for his friends and family and wants them to stay strong and healthy too and to me that comes from a place of caring he just cant always read the room

least favorite thing about them: i will NEVER stop complaining about his ekimen costume they reverse bimbofied my guy

brOTP: teppare

OTP: DM ME FOR THIS ALSO😑🚬 (<- me on a smoke break after cooking and no one coming to eat)

nOTP: he isn't very popular sooo💔 i've pretty much only seen him getting shipped with 🎤 but i don't even hate it i'm just indifferent

random headcanon: autistic as fuuuuuck but is that even random. like for real

unpopular opinion: This Is The Buffest Japanese Beauty Standards Can Handle Before They Start Getting Scared like how do you create a character whose entire deal is his muscles and then maybe draw him 0.2mm thicker than the other skinnyboys. although it would be funny if it was a running gag like with the personal trainer in dúmbbell nan kilo moteru ANYWAYS THEY SHOULD LET HIM BE BUFF PROPER

song i associate with them: for some reason i associate sunrise with him more than the other two idk why since its an udaka center too.... and egao de go because it was his recommendation in the little fliers u got from somewhere

favorite picture of them:

i looooove him in the first one hes so silly funny and >:D i have a magnet with this illust and its going on my fridge door so i can look at them everyday. and the other one because those are the guns he deserves this artist gets it

THATS THE END OF MY POWERPOINT PRESENTATION THANKS FOR WATCHING

#THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!!!!!!! HUGS YOU TIGHT #teppare

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summerlycoris · 3 months

Text

I wish i could just fall in line about the israel/palestine conflict (because while its called a war, it cant be if one side only has a militia at best)

Just. Fall in line with the most extreme pro-pal arguments-

'fuck israhell! They all need to be shipped back to europe!' (Half the population was expelled or migrated from mena countries, fleeing persecution in places like Yeman and Syria. And the people who were born there? Where would you send them? If they have german ancestors, but speak no german, as an example.)

'They deserve to die for the genocide of Gaza.' (Do you also believe Russians should die because of Putins war on Ukraine? Israel has 7 million jewish people living there. Out of a global population of 15 million. Thats over half of a small population. That death toll would be higher than the jewish victims of the holocaust.)

'Why are you distracting yourself from the real deaths happening in Palestine right now?' (Valid point. I dont like to just look at the here and now. I try to consider how my actions affect the future. Its not perfect, and I think its just pointless ruminating more than anything. But I do try to consider the future.)

Its just. If i could turn my brain off and go with the flow, Id be happier. Id thought for ages i couldnt be affected by peer pressure like neurotypicals can. But this is proving me wrong.

Im so tired. Of trying to think about what im doing. I wanna just be numb to nuance. Black and white thinking would be easier. All Israelis are evil, there is nobody there begging for peace.

(Itd be easier if i could believe that.)

This situation has got me questioning- how much of my earlier beliefs were really mine? And how much was just me passively taking in what people i trusted told me?

Can we get a ceasefire yet? Please?

I dont want to see more people getting blown up or shot or starving. I dont want to see Shani Louks corpse in the ute when I try to go to sleep. I dont want to see Hind when I look at my sister. Hear her cousin screaming as shes shot. Hear Hind begging for someone, anyone, to come take her. See dead babies in tiny bags. See more misinformation spread without regard for who it targets, or hurts. I dont want to try to find news articles that arent inflammatory. I dont want to see people burning themselves alive. I dont want to feel guilty for not being able to donate more money to gofundmes, and fundraisers. I dont want to see people I trusted posting blood libel anymore. Or revisionism. Or warmongering. Havent you (general you) seen enough blood for a lifetime?!?!

It seems to me that everything is spiraling completely out of control. And theres nothing I can do to stop it.

#summerly talks #i havent slept much last night. these thoughts kept rumbling through my head #i want to. write stuff that isnt this #but my brain is caught in a loop and i cant shut it down yet ffs

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tabbytiger · 4 months

Text

Girlies I am so concern w my brain /rant

TL:DR My psychotic ass is going more crazy than it already was, and also dissociative amnesia needs to get off my dick because Its starting to become a danger.

I’m so glad I wrote down all the details i could remember from that near miss while I still could recall it bc that was yesterday and I can feel it’s already starting to fade away again.

Nobody honking or anything is really throwing me off bc now I’m sitting here like “Did it actually happen or did I make this up or was it a dream that I had?”

Like I’m going to forget it entirely again soon and theres nothing I can do about it.

I should be idk like going thru ptsd or something I quite literally was going to die. But I’m still sitting here feeling fine and normal, and I was fine and normal when it happened too. I don’t feel anything about it and thats really concerning me.

Instead of like being distraught over the near miss instead I cried in my car in a dmv parking lot for literally 4 hours because I was like “Why the fuck am I starting to lose days, weeks, months and even years.”

I’m not quite blacking out in the middle of a day or anything but I am only remembering bits and pieces of a day and I’m recalling things out of order. I’ve always dealt with dissociation but its never been quite this bad.

Also I’m just like. I don’t know what to believe because I have psychosis.

I’ve just been lying in bed with thoughts looping in my mind and it all looks like this:

Do I have Schizophrenia? What if this is a delusion? Maybe I just think I have it but I don’t and its making up false memories or something to go with it. Are all the stuff that I remember going through when I was a child real? Did I make that up too? If I already feel like I didn’t exist the previous days or weeks then how do I know it happened? I see that I typed out all these messages but I really feel disconnected from the person that wrote them even if that was me on that date and time.

I’m forgetting earlier points brought up literally minutes ago in a conversation, and I’m going in and out the whole time so I’m not even hearing the full thing. Its so bad that when before I would misplace like 1 thing and then find it later.

Now its like, me spinning in circles because i keep thinking about doing something while I’m actively doing something else and I’ll forget that I haven’t done what I was thinking of doing and believe that I did it only to run back downstairs because I indeed, did not do it.

Like the number of times I have left for work at 3:30am thinking and REMEMBERING that I actively put my key in, turning the lock, and locking the door, only to come back home 8 hours later to my dad telling me I didn’t lock the door.

My dad has also told me a handful of times before about something I apparently said but I don’t remember saying it in the way that he’s recalling it, and I’ll be like “I don’t remember saying that” and he’ll be like “whats wrong with you, that’s exactly what you said” but I’m suspicious that he’s making stuff up and maybe hes pulling one of his “not funny and hard to tell if he’s serious or not” jokes.

Though I’ve also had instances on VC with friends where I’ll apparently say something and forget that I said it, cuz they’ll be like “thats what you said you literally JUST said it” and I’ll be like “huh?? I don’t remember saying that” except my friends wouldn’t lie to me and try to make me think I did something I don’t remember doing so I’m just like “I can’t trust my own memory 🥴”

I was so distraught driving home I missed the 1st ramp to get on the highway, and I was actively fighting not to dissociate while driving I missed my exit and had to drive over the white lanes back into a lane. How I remembered getting home and getting there is a miracle at this point.

I think its definitely saying something if me almost dying have no effect on me, and when I think about if I had died I’m still apathetic and neutral. And part of that is also because I have been dying so much lately in my dreams (Sometimes I wake up confused because I thought that dream was real and actually happened) that I’m just like.

“Its okay If I did die, It’ll only hurt for a second, and I’ll feel regret, and then grief but then everything will be calm and all that would have happen would be that I just quietly drift off into the nothingness and It’ll be the most peaceful last thing I’ll remember.”

Like this happened recently and I deadass shot up in bed and I was so confused and disoriented I was literally making sure my body was there and that I could feel. Bc I was like “Did I reincarnate?? Did I reincarnate and very soon I’ll forget all of my past life and this is the last thought I’ll ever have of my old self?” but like no bitch its called waking up 🥴😭

#13 #AAAAA #I’m going crazy I’m actually going crazy #😭 this isn’t even mentioning my dumb ass delusions either #I haven’t had loud audio and more intense visually hallucinations in a while but now I’m worried they’re going to start happening #recently i had a dream that a cat was lying on me purring and I was petting it #And when I woke up I was still petting it and jt had move down to lying on my stomach #only for me to blink and it disapeared #I haven’t had a visual hallucination while actively concious since I was in 6th grade.#If I focus enough on it I’m also starting to hear disembodied whispering in audio or sounds #I’m hearing a thought or sound so loud in my head that it actually startles me bc it sounds like it went off next to my ear #Its getting hard fighting off me dissociating bc I keep goin in and out when im in public #And Im doing it a lot on vc too #nights have been okay for me for the past like several months #But now when I have a psychotic episode its super intense #its so intense to the point where while actively having a panic attack abt dying in my sleep #I’ll get so fucking stressed and panicked that even when im fighting drowsiness i’ll pass out #and I won’t remember passing out #dissociative amnesia #psychosis #tw: death mention #tw: unreality

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effyoudumbler · 6 months

Text

Notes written when I was insane 1

I name things I like, after things I wish to understand

That’s the crux of me, isnt it. All that I like, is that which I have Desire to understand, and yet, simply Cannot. If I could, I would, and so, I wouldn’t have any reason to like that thing anymore. Tragic.

In order to every enjoy things, I have to severely limit my acuity. That, or, I have to be paying attention to just one part about it I dont understand

Yeah

“

I was hunting those animals

And played my misery

But then

It turned out to be birds

Building a nest for a family

…

That is surreallity.

Why was he hunting them

Who is he

Why is he there

The only clue is his appearance

A nobody really

And

The music he played

And how he stopped and seemed

Longing, and sorrowful

Very subtle

Looked forlorn, incomplete

Staring, with a mild, sad turn of his lips

Once he realized theres no animal

Birds

Building a nest

And so he leaves

Why was I shown this

Why is this something that the man remembers

Its obviously about longing for a family

But

Its so

Dreamlike, of an interpretation

It seemed like nothing happened

And yet

In his eyes, this was very, deeply important

Yes, in his eyes….

The sad man, and the nesting roost of birds in his properties woods

So close

So far

Unobtainable

In pain

Hurt

Humans were built to worship

Poor man

When a man dies, his treasures die with him

Such is fate

All of this dream, is but a song

That takes me somewhere else

So that I can endure the wild real life

All of my endeavors

Are but love

A mechanical inclination of hunger

Desiring to… how to put it…

Be greater than even the pulse of Time itself

To be immortal

But also

Something more

To be pure again

To be pure, again

I am obsessive because I am scared

Im scared because my autism produces extra stress, and on top of that, makes stress deplenish very slowly

Im stronger than i realize

If i can be up 32 hours no sweat

Coffee sure is something

What was that garbage mother handed me long ago

It hardly worked at all

This shits the real stuff

Wow

Id have DOUBLE the time to do anything

Any

Thing

Woahhhhhhhhh

All of the things

Double double double double

I give up

And the reason is

I mask around others

So hard

Ive lost my way

And Im stubborn to a fault

Dammit

So thats how i die

I see it so clear now

I will die due to my action of stubborness

If not random chance

Refusing to admit there is a problem

Well

More so

Im so lonely

Short term gains

I cant live without it, I say

I say

Whenever have I proved

Witgout confidence

There is no future

I cannot keep masking

But

I dont want to be weak

Vulnerable

Why

Youre obsessed with that

Without confidence

There is no future

I just

Without money

I feel no confidence

Forced to talk

To leave

I feel no confidence

I cant trust my family

I dont want to be weak

I also have a burning curiosity

When i was younger i wouldnt have minded being weak

But not anymore

Weakness gets you worse than death

Loneliness

…

How can i do work when im starving

How cqn i eat when i have to cook

How can i cook if i have to clean

How can i clean when people wont help

When everything is so ugly

Then i have to shower

And defecate

Tsk

You are a person who must fold to Anxiety

Think of this

Once anxiety hits you

You should do everything you can

To obliterate it

“But then ill get new anxieties”

So what

They were always there anyway

Whether or not you tried now or later

You must tackle anxieties

The moment they appear in your head

You are where your treasure is

If my wife worked at like

Some shitty job hauling plutonium

Damn sure I’d go there with her

Just to be in the surrounding vicinities of her

Its what I feel must be done

I want a wife who wants a helicopter husband

Cringe

Sigh

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unlimitedhorsepower · 1 year

Note

ooooh, that's goin on. it's okay! the bamboozelment is settled! but, honeslty, I'm on the same page as u. the dude fucks and his relationship with his buddy has nothing to do with being romantic, nope, nuh-uh. Canon can throw whatever at me, I know my own truths. Selective blindness is my best friend xd

fhdgf yeah its actually funny to me bc i didnt think cour1 was particularly romantic or anything bc for example the whole "takes karina to concert and stands in the back" is literally something my dad has done with me when i was a teen and i was like good for him for supporting her

and his VA said in that one interview smth like (how i interpreted his comment at least), that it was hard to act as ryan without coming across too strong (in a hetero way) because of ryans base personality and that it was never his intention and i was like thank you:)

but then everyone was in strictly buddy hero jail in cour2 and ryan looked at karina a little bit too long after they were talking abt karinas man crush and i started loading my weapons. i dont trust the intents of the writers since they already fucked it all up in other ways, so...

ryan im just warning you, ill have to put you down if youre gonna be weird. ill have to let you out of your misery. pls. actually sicko mode i swear

anyway i once saw smth like, g*lden r*se is like high school sweethearts and its just funny to me bc not only is ryan not high school age at all to me (nor is he inexperienced or anyth that seems to correlate to this), they confirmed he dropped out of high school in that other new audio drama...

this guy is nobodys high school sweetheart, he was too busy running away from home and then getting scouted to be a hero and probably never graduated high school? like he doesnt need a high school diploma to be a hero, just a strong enough NEXT power?

lbr hes kind of lazy. why would he bother with that. real interaction with him and karina to me is that karina is talking abt something wrt university and ryan shares unprompted that he never graduated high school so dont ask him about that lol and karina (hard worker who excels at school despite all of her other duties) is like what...

not that theres anyth wrong with not graduating from high school to me (im a serial dropping-out-of-school guy), but karina definitely places a lot of value to that sort of thing lmfao. its very guy who cried wolf when ryan is saying smth this outlandish (to karina) again but hes for real this time. like nah, believe him, why would he lie about this, uh-huh...

#gabriels asks

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catsidy14 · 6 years

Text

#delete later #i fucking hate it when fucking assholes go out and shoot places up #it makes me anxious about it happening near me #and it makes me anxious about a sport that i love being taken away from me #i have been a competitive small bore prone; 3p; and 4p shooter for going on 5 years now #my father has been in the sport for 20+ years #i was raised with guns and gun safety- i didnt actually shoot a live round (that wasnt a bb gun) until highschool #when people talk about stricter safety laws they include that hobbies that require guns #that arent hand guns that said firearms should be kept on the premis of the hobby #for me thats a no can do thing- i trust next to nobody to even TOUCH Nova #much less trust a club safe where other people are also storing their guns where my gun could be tampered with or broken #for my gun sich a rule is over kill anyway #yes it shoots real this can kill you ammo— but its a 10lbs single shot bolt action and its a bitch to even ATEMPT to shoot without gear on #like theres no way i could walk into a place and fire a bunch of rounds without meing seen #i agree we need to do something about this #but as a competitive shooter who has delt with major depresion; is autisic; and has ADHD (amonst other things)#i believe the first step is the rather unpopular opinion of teaching gun safty and such in school #(also hot take YOU DONT ACTUALLY NEED A GUN TO TEACH BASIC GUN SAFTY)#i am probably worringvoner nothing... but this shit makes me mad; anxious; and a billion other things #and its all because some fucker had to go do this fucking shit #sorry #i just feel the whole world is against me whenever this shit happens #because i know what growing up around guns; not being allowd to even shoot a bb gun till i was like 10 #and then not shooting live rounds (alone without an adult literally hovering over me and off sand bags only and then rarely) till i was 15 #i was only ever alowed to point a nerf gun at anyone and when granddad let me use the bb guns #we only ever shot at old and blank cds at targets #the closest ive EVER gotten to ‘’shooting’’ someone would be paint ball and lazer tag #both of which the ‘guns’ only vaugly resemble guns #i mean i shot fecking archery with girl scouts before i EVER touched a gun #but lets fix the problem by sheltering people and making them more afraid of fancy hole punchers

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wasflypaw · 3 years

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Unpopular opinion: c!Dream is a lost cause.

You can tell by my previous posts I'm not one for ever saying characters deserve to die or suffer or be tortured and I agree that the prison is inhumane

But think about the world they're living in man. There are like 30 people living there, none of which are qualified to give therapy or rehabilitation, most of which are ppl who c!Dream has hurt in some way and will Not want to help or go near him. Puffy is not a professional therapist but she tries, literally None of the presidents have been professionals especially not Tubbo, the prison warden is shit at his job, these are all just regular ppl trying their best man, none of them are professionals. None of these jobs can compare to the irl ones

He isnt just some guy. He's the ultimate authority on the server. The prison has been the ONLY thing to stop him so far and he's probably gonna escape from that. No matter if he tries to redeem or have a redemption arc, he is never going to be trusted again by anyone. Even if they say they forgive him, even if they attempt to he his friend again, the fear is still going to be there. What's the point?

I see ppl saying The Syndicate will attempt to rescue or shelter him. That will lead to more issues - Ranboo has a child he wants to keep safe, he will probably stop trusting Techno n Phil, he will never feel safe especially w Michael. The rest of the server will be unhappy with Techno n Phil which will lead to Many issues as anyone who touches Techno n Phil get themselves or their houses obliterated

Dream is obviously not gonna get better in prison. He's going to get worse. And when he escapes, what then? Is he going to hurt more people? Is he going to be a shell of himself? Is he going to be back to his bullshit?

This isnt the real world where you can attempt to rehabilitate criminals, where prisons are secure in which nobody can escape or be guaranteed to never hurt anyone again, where there are professionals and not just a group of ppl trying their hardest to survive in a world surrounded by violence and pain

You cant just say "Dream needs rehabilitation, not this" name one person on the server qualified to help with that, who will also feel safe enough to do that

People get mad at Puffy for not wanting to give him therapy. Can you blame her?? She isnt exactly going to have the best opinion of him, an unbiased therapist is not an option in this world, we only have Puffy who is disappointed in and scared of Dream. She is also Not his canonical mother and doesnt owe him anything

Yes I disagree wholeheartedly with the torture and inhumanity of the prison, it's like watching a Trainwreck, you cant stop it and theres nothing you can do to help. Dream fucked up, man. Dream fucked up in a world not qualified to help him with his issues

#torture tw #abuse tw

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1990jeevas · 3 years

Note

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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adashelbysgirlfriend · 4 years

Text

A Taste for Something Younger - Polly Grey Headcannon

Omg I love the Ada roommate headcanon! Could you do the same for Polly? Maybe with a woman a little older/same age as Ada (because we accept age gaps in this household) and her and Polly actually get together in the end? I'd die for that ( @vikingsxf )

this idea gave me a big gay hard on and honestly I'm so glad you had it; Polly doesn't get enough love. Ive gone for a younger (Ada age) reader because we definitely support a healthy age gap relationship and i just want to pretend its me who's with polly so. ALSO THIS IS A BIT SMUTTY JUST A LITTLE BIT BUT JUST A WARNING OKAY BABES

you and Ada had been friends since she started at the library

you both had a lot in common and she would tell you about her crazy relatives which always kept you entertained

obviously you had no clue that the Ada Throne you knew was actually thee Ada Shelby

when you finally do meet her brother in one of his unannounced visits to her flat its a massive shock that your besties family are the notorious Shelby's

she brings you out to meet the other brothers and John and Arthur both take a liking to you

when Finn tells Polly about Adas new friend from the city who is breaking hearts all over Birmingham she doesn't really have much to think

i mean it wouldn't be the first time the shelby boys lost their heads over a girl (especially dumb and dumber) and it probably won't be the last

but when she gets the pleasure of meeting you she can't help but understand why the lads lost their heads

you're stunning, not just physically

you're mind is almost too wise for your years

“you've got an old soul”

“thank you, Mrs Gray”

“its Miss, and call me Pol”

you're around a lot

you help in the office with the other women and come for drinks when Tommys in a good mood and feels like having the gang out

Polly’s sass making an impression

you're really intimidated by her because she's just this all knowing mature lady who is also really stunning

she invites you and ada over to have a girly evening

you literally don't want to go

anxious as hell

i feel like Polly is one of those people that gives off this no bullshit vibe, so you're scared to even chat to her just incase you say the wrong thing

dressing to impress by buying a new outfit and feeling like a fool for it

its the first thing Polly notices when she sees you

“you look ravishing don't you”

literally blushing all over

stumbling on your words

Ada has no clue whats going on and is so confused

maybe even a little jealous? why are you swooning over her auntie so much

Ada gets a surprise phone call and has to leave and you are wanting to leave with her but Polly all nah stay

this is the (best) WORST CASE SCENARIO PEOPLE

ALONE WITH POLLY

in her HoUSE

getting drunk to hide the fear but then also getting loose lipped

chatting absolute beans with her and she can't stop laughing at you

Because she loves that you're a bit scared of her but seeing a more bold side of you kinda turns her on

the drinking night becomes a weekly thing

you start to relax into Polly presence

seeking comfort in your time in her home

Ada doesn't even get an invite anymore

getting drunk together and her listening while you babble on about literally the most random topics ever

you get two whiskies in and start telling her all the facts you know about giraffes or the fall of the Berlin wall

and she just loves to sit and watch you

insane tension

a lot of staring

touching but nothing that would cross the friendship line, flirting with it though

her doing you makeup and telling you about the wild things she's done

that almost so close you could kiss but without the kiss tension when she's in your face putting your lipstick on

she says you look good in red, which you don't believe but at this point she could tell you you looked good in a teletubbie costume and a bitch would be dressed head to toe as Lala

she sees you start to push your comfort zones and she loves it

the new found confidence makes her horny as hell

Jealous Ada is more jealous when she sees you walking round in Polly’s shade of lipstick

“she must really like you to let you borrow that” - but its LACED IN GAY ANGST BECAUSE WTF HOW DID HER AUNT STEAL YOU

i feel like you make the first move

which isn't something you or Polly expected

like you've both been drinking all night and for some reason you start doing vodka shots

and this is the good shit vodka were stalking russian standard pissed off your tits shit love

and you watch her neck those shots like she's getting paid by the hour

and you just

walk stumble right on over there and fall into her lap

grab that sexy face in both hands and give her the softest kiss she's ever had in her life

it feels like her first kiss ever

which is saying something because you betcha that womans had a lot of kisses

polly doesnt know how to respond she's SHOOK

she doesn't even close her eyes she's like

literally frozen in shock

pulling straight back

whoops

suddenly all that drunk confidence is gone and you're hit with that crippling anxiety you get when you've done something wrong and been caught for it

Polly grabbing a fist full of your hair and pulling you back down

now she's KISSING YOU AND OH LORD

passion

she's not even clumsy when she's drunk like you are this woman is EXPERIENCED

lip biting oh my christ

not that pussyass nibbling but actual biting

and tongue

and i mean after that loves theres no going back really is there

finding your confidence again or maybe just horniness and drifting your hand under her skirt

your newfound confidence surprises her but she refuses to let you know that because hello she's Polly fucking Gray

“dont start something you can't finish, little dove”

“do you want me to stop?”

“i didn't say that”

this is the START OF SOMETHING NEW

leaving her panting and sweating, lipstick smudged and clinging to the arms of the chair

i mean once it happens once its a common occurrence loves

not that either of you are complaining

not just sex but dates in her living room by the fire

walks together arm and arm

nobody really thinks to much of seeing her and you together, either assuming you're just one of the boys girlfriends or that you're her niece or something

and they couldn't be more wrong but their ignorance is bliss

she loves how young you make her feel

and you love how much she takes care of you

i feel like maybe she's a little nervous of baring all to you; physically and mentally

her body is slightly more mature than yours, things aren't as new and shiny as yours may be; i feel like she’d take some reassurance maybe before she knew that you wouldn't just leave her for someone your own age

not that Polly is one to doubt her self worth but she feels like maybe she's just a phase for you

you wouldn't want her any other way though; you love her body and lets be real we all do too

she takes even longer to be open about her memories and past

i feel like she slowly but surely reveals more and more about her private life until she can finally trust you with the complete story

the rest of the shelbys know better than to question Polly on her personal choices; but they are happy to see the carefree woman they remember from when they were young

even salty Ada can see the happiness you bring out in her, although she doesn't want to admit it to herself

Polly buys lingerie for you all the time

being bratty and flashing your bra strap to her in public places

or grabbing her hand and running it under your dress until she can feel the lace of your underwear when you're both out in the Garrison

she has this “wait until i get you home” look that you'll do anything to provoke

she teases you until you beg for her to let you finish as punishment

“you see what you get for being naughty, y/n?”

she likes it when you ride her face, because although Polly is still in control she likes to put you in a position of power

and she likes to be able to see all of you when you're close to the edge

angry sex, because lets be real Polly can be a snappy little bitch and when you both get angry what better way is there to solve the issue than rough lesbian sex

she loves your smile

and your giggle

it makes her feel like a teenager all over again

nobody really understands how you put up with such a intimidating, dominating woman everyday but they don't see cuddly Polly who likes to be little spoon

she does her very best to keep you out of the family business and always will because you're one of the only people on earth Polly couldn't live without

you often joke about how Polly would just move in after you but she knows that after you there would be nobody else for her

“without you my little doll, i couldn't be me”

lots of lap sitting

hair stroking

the sweetest kisses; she tastes of cherry and whisky

she says you're like pink gin, sweet tasting and extremely intoxicating

Polly had given up on love until she found you, and now she's got you best believe she will spend the rest of time she has on earth making sure she keeps you

#polly gray #polly shelby #polly gray x reader #Polly Gray imagine #polly shelby x reader #polly gray headcannon #polly gray smut #peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinder imagine #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders smut #thomas shelby #Arthur Shelby #John Shelby #Ada Shelby #i feel a bit dirty now #and gay #and wet

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