do the people honking at me in the mall parking lot know im trying my fucking best?

Me being denied service at a lesbian bar

Cerulian grasses stretch across violet skies, deep in the earth there is peace to be denied and I wonder how much drugs you'll need before you'll shut the fuck up, Brandon, its not that deep, heres some water.

teenager scrolling tiktok with full speaker volume on the train and he swipes down and the entire funkytown gore video starts playing

@amdk-lover I wanted to separate this from the original post become it became a tad long. Original post here.

I’ve imagined their meeting at the end, Toshi survives because I refuse to even consider the thought otherwise Izuku standing in the wake of the devastation, injured, but alive. AFO/Shigaraki are no more, he’s finally put an end to the century old curse. But at a price. As All For One ceased to exist, One For All followed suit. Izuku is once again quirkless. This could hardly be considered a win, what with all the damage and death it involved. It’s a bittersweet ending.

Bakugo is the first to reach him, followed by the rest of his peers and heroes, a wounded Todoroki following not far behind. Bakugo throws Izuku’s arm over his shoulders, taking his weight even as his own body protests and bleeds. Todoroki does the same, and the three of them hold each other upright. They’re already being examined, poked, and proded to stop any bleeding until further medicine can be accessible. The overwhelming group hugs and cheering from the small crowd around them are filled with blood, sweat, and tears. The hugs are full of grime and sour smells, but it’s the least important thing right now.

Suddenly a cloud of dust is seen in the distance. A black car speeds towards them and skids to a halt a short distance away. The crowd of heroes have made an opening for it to avoid being run over. Before anyone can think the back door is nearly swung off the hinges as it opens forcefully. A tall and ragged man scrambles out, moving a few feet away from the car in a rush before pausing. Taking in the scene and panting. Blood drips from his mouth and onto his shirt. The other back door opens, it’s Tsukauchi with a bucket of blood in his hands.

But for a moment nothing else exists. Izuku locks eyes with the man, one of his own starting to swell shut. His face is bruised and scraped and bloody. The man’s looking back at him is nearly as worn as his. Eyes large and shimmering, an unbelieving expression scattered in crimson smears.

Izuku tries, “…All Might?” The elder coughs in response, more blood spraying from his mouth, but he doesn’t pay it any mind. His voice is hoarse, “My boy…!” The jacket of Toshinori’s suit whips like a cape behind him, almost symbolic of the hero he once was, as he all but sprints to the boy, no, his boy. His hero. Izuku finds himself doing the same, despite his broken body. The pain leaves for a split second as all he can think about is the other, the man that filled the void in his life. His hero. His father. He abandons Bakugo and Todoroki, stumbling and limping, but rushing to the man that gave him his life’s purpose. Gave him his life.

As they near each other their arms lift and reach, already yearning for the other’s touch. Izuku reaches up as Toshinori meets him. The older man falling down onto his boney knees and skidding until his long arms wrap around Izuku’s tiny body, one hand reaching for the back of his head to tuck him close. Finally able to accommodate for their height difference Toshinori holds so tightly, as if he can’t believe the boy is here, alive, in his arms, but may cease to exist at any second. And Izuku squeezes him around the neck just as tight. He kept his promise. Izuku changed the man’s cruel fate. Toshinori is here, alive. Cheers break out and radiate around them, but they hear nothing.

Izuku cries, overwhelmed, in shock but relieved, and so thankful. It takes him a moment to realize Toshinori too is openly sobbing against him. The elder opens his eyes and looks up, as if thanking the heavens for sparing his boy, for giving him to Toshinori of all people. “My boy,” he croaks, voice ruined from emotion, coughing and the physical distress he’s forced his body through. He’s been a complete wreck. The emotional stress straining his broken body to the point Tsukauchi brought him a bucket to keep from spray blood everywhere as he hacked and wheezed. But his body can wait. The most important thing in his life is currently in his arms, safe and sound. “Izuku!” His face crumbles once again, eyes squeezing shut as his body is wracked with sobs ands more coughs. He buries his nose into the boy’s wild hair, unknowingly rocking them both gently.

Izuku cries harder at hearing his hero refer to him by his first name, “All Might,” one hand moves to cup at the back of the blonde’s head as well, “…Dad!” The man squeezes harder yet, at a loss for words at the boy’s words. The two are a complete mess as the heroes and students cheer them on. The world’s two heroes.

But then Izuku his ripped away from Toshinori by the man himself. He holds the boy at an arms length, quickly examining every inch, every wound, “Are you alright?! Are you hurt?!” Izuku’s never seen such a distressed look on his mentor’s face, tears still streaming down his hollow cheeks. The boy tries to straighten up a little, sniffling, “Just bruised and beat up, but I’m fine. I promise.” Without a second thought, he’s pulled back into the embrace, just as tight as before. “Oh my boy,” Toshinori mumbles as he tries to wrap his head around everything that had just happened, “Thank you! Thank you!”

After a beat, the man lifts his gaze, seeing Bakugo and Todoroki not far away, also beaten and broken, one of them recently revived from death. One arm leaves it’s hold around Izuku to reach in their direction, waving them over. The two obey, and Toshinori pulls them both into a group hug. His long arms alternating between holding each of their heads and keeping them close. He mutters worries and relieved comments over them as they wrap their arms each other until everyone is holding tight. Toshinori then pulls back just enough to place a kiss on each of their foreheads, “You’re true heroes. Each one of you. I’m so proud and so thankful.”

Life Pro Tip:

Do you have a cake in the oven, but lose your oven mitts?

No problem!

Simply pick up the nearest abandoned lab coat and use that to protect your hands from the hot cake pan. Make sure you come up with an excuse, just in case someone asks why their coat is dusty!

📻 🍎

why does school have to be so damn boring

like give me lessons i will remember and be engaged in

huh, you want me to participate in a team game

never mind, I'd rather write 20 textbooks from memory than interact with humans

birdbath?

Interrogator: “We’ll make you confess…We have copies of your receipts and your browsing history”

Me: “Well, I doubt you’ll find anything there! My previous receipts were completely benign”

Interrogator: “Is that so? March 25th…you go to the grocery store to buy some kraft singles”

Me: “Right, like I said, completely benign”

Interrogator: “April 11th, 2:06 am, after a couple of similar searches with typos, you search ‘how long kraft singles out of frige????’ And fortunately google knew what you meant. It led you to a website….that website said 4 hours…”

Me: “…….”

Interrogator: “April 11th, 2:08 am: ‘bad cheese make me die????’”

Me: “…….”

Interrogator: “April 11th, 3:11 am, on your twitter, you posted a picture that featured a stack of gri-“

Me: “OKAY FINE I DID IT I KILLED HIM JUST SHUT UP!”

Short sibling oppression

insufferable ex partners (don't be like dazai kids moisturize ur skin this cold season)

Me, confidently after drinking medicated mouth wash;

Any one want to go to walgreens????

first 2 are based off my twt drafts beacause iam. unwell. and the other 2 are based off the gays from nj snl sketches again. im Not Well