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messiahzzz · 2 months

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while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study)#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism.#if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately)#also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!!#its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

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warden-melli · 11 months

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Look at how pretty these are 🥹🥹🥹

I need to decide which cards to put in them

#sorry for the lack of posts lately. long story short I’m finally moving into my new place properly so I can finally unpack all my stuff #would anyone be interested in seeing more of my pla collection :)#pokemon legends arceus #Adaman #Irida #pokemon #melli collects

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stergeon · 24 days

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for the writer ask

💭🚦💛 💌

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

this is a real marketing major-ass answer (from your local marketing major), but i love sharing knowledge and telling stories. writing’s one of those things that’s a bit of a compulsion for me—i’m always writing something. i took a five-year break from fiction writing before i stumbled ass-first into fanfic last year, but even in those years when i was focusing on my career, i was writing guides and trainings and a ton of other stuff—just not anything fun, lol.

writing is also so cathartic. sometimes i set out to tell a specific story, but at other times, a particular emotion gets me in a vice grip and i have to put it to words before it’ll go away. my stories tend to wind up as emotional dumping grounds as a result.

i don’t write things pulled directly from my own life, but there are bits and pieces of myself and things that have happened to me scattered throughout stuff i’ve written, and usually when i’m about 75% of the way through a piece, i’ll realize it’s absolutely related to something i’m currently going through. funny how art works that way, even when you don’t intend for it to.

and occasionally i just have a fire lit under my ass about an issue and i get so hot about it that i gotta compile my thoughts. looking at you, silver snow

🚦 What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

look, i would love nothing more for them girls (pick whichever girls you please) to have a happy ending where they kiss and are stupid in love for the rest of forever. i love reading those kinds of stories. but in my heart of hearts, i love an ambiguous ending. i like when there are still questions after the story ends. i like thinking about where things could go or how the characters will go on after the events of the story. like, shared space could be read as having a happy ending, but i don’t really think it is. and with the victors; the vestiges, well. you’ll see :0)

come to think of it, i’m not sure i’ve ever written a happily-ever-after, but i don’t think i’ve ever written a 100% bad ending, either. i read too many bury-your-gays stories and watched too many sad european queer coming-of-age films in my youth to ever be happy putting that kinda thing out into the world. i want to write about love with all its ugliness, but not despair or hopelessness. i think what most appeals to me about an ambiguous ending is that lingering feeling of hope. it’s not the same as the kind you get from a happily-ever-after, and something about it speaks to me.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

honestly? how to take criticism. i took a creative writing class in high school where we had to read our work out loud and then receive feedback on it from the other writers in the class, and that did a lot for me. going into that class, i’d already been writing for forever and had won some little local writing contests and such, so i was a wee bit of a pretentious douche. but i’d never gotten real critique before beyond, essentially, spelling and grammar checks. it humbled me lol. it made me grow so much as a writer, and i could see where i needed to improve or where my head was wedged way too far up my own ass for others to follow. it also helped me recognize strengths i didn’t know i had, and that was huge. it’s easy to get into a self-doubt spiral when making creative work, and good, constructive criticism can do so much to help avoid that.

to this day i love critique. i like knowing what worked or didn’t work so that i can continue to improve as a writer and do better next time. did my themes land? did something really work, but another part fall flat? i’d love to know!! i try to treat everything i write as practice for the next thing, and frankly that’s helped take some of the pressure off so i don’t go into total Perfectionist Mode.

i know critique is kind of a sensitive topic in fan spaces, but i think that’s because a lot of people have gotten unsolicited criticism that is purely critical and isn’t constructive. but getting good, constructive criticism will do so much to help a person grow as a writer. it’s scary, and sometimes it hurts! writing is very personal for most people, and it stings when things aren’t received the way you think they will be. but i know i’ve grown more from having my failures pointed out (and, very importantly, having the good things about those efforts acknowledged) than anything else.

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

actually Just answered this in another ask!

#sterge.eml #foxyjeongin #thank you for playing my little game and letting me talk about stories (and about me lmao)#sorry this is kind of a long post #i talk too much #i think i sound pretentious in this ask whoops. sorry #unfortunately i kind of am. i’m working on it.#… i guess the short answer to that first question is ‘emotions and mental illness’ lol #if you follow me on twitter (not recommended as it’s just me complaining about the weather and not being able to ride my motorcycle)#you know that every time i bring up my writing in therapy my therapist rocks my shit by revealing the story is #in fact.#NOT about what i thought it was about #or more accurately it’s ALSO secretly about whatever’s going on with me in real life lmao #y’know what’s really fun? looking back at something you wrote in a manic or depressive episode and going ah. hm. interesting.#the signs were. in fact. there.#(this is in fact not fun and i don’t like it. but it always happens.)#everything i write is accidentally Also about being bipolar. no getting around that #i tend to have issues organizing my thoughts and feelings to even figure out how tf i’m feeling #(forget making any attempt at doing so verbally. i have chronic foot-in-mouth disorder and accidentally say shit i don’t mean all the time)#but writing stuff down has always helped me sort through whatever mess is going on in my noggin and i love it for that #learning how to take critique is my no. 1 piece of writing advice but no. 2 is to read #read the classics. find out why they’re classics. read weird shit. read shit you don’t like. find things you like about em anyway.#and importantly: figure out WHY you do or don’t like it #it’s funny to re-read a book i haven’t read in a long time and discover OH. that’s where i get that technique from.#or that’s where i got that idea. or that’s why i had X thing happen in this story.#or why i like this type of character or scenario #nothing’s truly new and original #we’re all an amalgamation of influences and that ruuuuules #celebrate it!!!

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pepperpixel · 2 years

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Smiling pastrys… she has like a quota, she’ll do 1 smile every 2 months and that’s IT… she is not a smiley person. But I noticed I’ve basically only ever drawn her upset so, I wanted to try and shake it up! Draw some of those rarely seen smiles.. (even if one of them is like a creepy “let me tell you about my cult” smile. It’s still a smile!)

#cookie run kingdom #cookie run #pastry cookie #crk #doodles #she would be the type to laugh w a hand over her mouth..#anyway I’m lov her ghghg.#I think I love her so much because my own life is suffering. and there is SO much potential for suffering in her life #like I look at her and I’m like ‘oh ur entire life could fall apart around u too.’#like I mean! and obviously her life would fall apart for diff reasons then mine. mine is that half of my immediate family died #and I’m including myself in the other half that lived so. rlly if I’m not included it’s more then half lol #but hers would be like. getting ostrascized and hunted down by her own religious group. that she thought she could trust #having everything she believes called into question.#but. still.. total breakdown of the status qou of life. total uncertainty of the future #total feeling of ‘what even is the point of the future. of my existence’#I’m like. this girl has all the pieces in place for that. I see it. in my mind #but! that’s not the only reason I like her ghgh #I think it’s just one of the reasons I’ve rlly latched onto her at this specific point in my life ghgh #anyway. sorry for rambling about pain and suffering in my ‘pastry actually having an ok time’ art post gGHG #(but also lol not only did half of my immediate family die in short time. my hOUSE BURNED DOWN IN THE SAME STRETCH OF TIME!!!)#(like I have a fucking. Mary sue baby’s first oc level of tragic backstory. like it would be criticized for being ‘unrealistic’ in fiction)#(or ‘too dark’ or something. like 1 tragic backstory was enough u didn’t have to kill BOTH her grandparents. and burn down her house)#(one of those would have been sufficient suffering!)#(I’m sorry I try not to talk about that stuff too much on her. and not to be a downer w it)#(but it almost feels like. idk. I have to acknowledge sometimes. putting on a face that everything is fine just like. feels awful)#(I don’t wanna talk about it too much tho. but. it’s awful ghghg. I’ll get thru it tho)#(and I’m in a better place now then I was like a month ago. but it’s still rough)#(so yeah sorry if there’s too much information on my personal suffering in these tags gGHG- I just! I have to talk about the suffering #I can’t pretend it’s not there. that makes me feel even more like shit.)#(I mean. I can pretend MOST of the time. so I’m not a total downer. but I can’t do it all the time lol)

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diddlydarndoodles · 2 years

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Admiration (jealousy)

#eyyy new c!Dream design #c!Dream post-prison edition #I did not intend this to look so romantic I’m sorry #I have no idea how it happened #but yeah I really like the whole concept of a god and a mortal being jealous of one another #c!dream #dreblr #dreamxd #XD #dreamwastaken #mcyt #dsmp #dreamsmp #fanart #notes on Dream’s hair: he tried to cut it short with shears but freaked out and wasn’t able to get it all #so it’s still kind of long #XD is annoyed about it cause he wants them to MATCH #but he can’t cut his own hair short #it’s not REGAL enough

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biblically-accurate-soup · 6 months

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working in mental healthcare sucks sometimes

#not for reasons most people immediately think #i just have to witness firsthand the hurdles people have to jump through to get help and i can’t. do anything about it.#because although i would love it if our wait times were short and we could get people in immediately #the therapists have all full case loads. and it’s like well. what now #just feeling sorry. and bad #the mental healthcare specialist shortage is real and alive and i can do only so much to help about it #i can do what i can and let people know i sympathize. i’ve been on the other side. i swear i know how frustrating it is #i can’t do anything but i wish i could #god #most days i don’t feel this bad about it because i feel like at least i’m helping. at least there’s #another set of hands helping with the bottleneck situation. at least that’s something #some days though. i just sit here and wish i could do more #uriel posting #feel free to ignore i’m just angsting #if anyone is currently on the other end of this nightmare process i just hope you know that i see you and i wish it was better. i really do

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wri0thesley · 2 years

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Nat I’m honestly heartbroken (/lh) that you don’t like Scara and I won’t get to read your yummy thoughts about him 💔. I love him so much and I know you’d write the best yandere and dark stuff for him 🤤🤤🤤

ahh anon, im sorry! i just . . . don’t find him very interesting, i guess? no hate ever to people who do; the scaramouche savers seem extremely intense and devoted and i respect that! but for me his story doesn’t really grab me and what we’ve seen of his personality isn’t super appealing; for yanderes i like the stern, serious and elegant type or the playful condescending type - i don’t really have much interest in scaramouche’s outright disagreeable arrogance. im also not a big fan of his design in a thirsty way which is really what my blog is for! i know there are lots of people out there who do like him who im sure are producing lots of wonderful content tho! <3

#i uhh don’t really know how to respond to this I’m sorry SHJDDHFFH #but yeah. xiao kazuha scaramouche n heizou all do nothing for me #if those leaks are true that basically says ‘fuck short anemo boys’ huh.#but i love venti so. Whatever sfjgsgjfj #sorry anon i just. I can’t get behind him. Bottom of the fuckable harbingers for me with pulcinella sfhddgh #not sfw text #yandere mention #genshin impact posting

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firestorm09890 · 10 months

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there’s this one character analysis on Zexion that said he was terrified the whole time he was in the organization and how it’s easy to see in how he acts during his conversation with Xigbar and in his relationships with others in the group that cited a passage from one of the kh short stories talking about how Zexion’s hated Vexen ever since he was human

…except later on in that exact same scene of that short story he has that aforementioned talk with Xigbar and his thoughts are mostly along the lines of “Xigbar is condescending but he’s more obnoxious than anything and I wish he would shut up because his nonsense is wasting my time” which is… not what I’d describe as “acting afraid”

and I just

homie you can’t cite something for an argument when the very source you cited also refutes it

#me post #this is shittalking i’m not tagging it #the nice thing about it though was that it was the only reason I knew the kh short stories existed at all #but like #it’s kind of incredible really #how someone who’s only played kh1 and 2 and ignores everything else #and someone who cares enough to cite obscure novels to back up their points #can end up disrespecting the series the same way #this isn’t about zex anymore this is just in general so it’s contained in one place #so you think kh 3 sucked so bad you’ve decided it isnt canon actually and instead cling to concepts #that were scrapped YEARS ago #because you believe they were the original intent and you like them better #sorry! that’s not what happened! that ship has sailed and then was broken down and recycled into what we actually got #the series will NEVER be what you want it to be. why are you still here #first tumblr i ever blocked was just because i needed to stop myself from intentionally looking at takes that pissed me off lol #and yet here i am still thinking about it

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cerealmonster15 · 7 months

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ummmm. wip wed…… I don’t have actual writing but I did start making a buncha bullet points for more ideas for the kalisil jamiazu fic…. And I have decided one thing lol - since I have masquerade event on the brain… if I get around to writing this fic I’m keeping the timeline vague HOWEVER it would take place sometime after masquerade bc I want that event to be when jamiazu had gotten together in backstory bc they #danced together in the little rythm minigame (and the duo THE DUO ATTACK-)

#idk how I’m gonna bring it up but I’m sure I can Make It Relevant for a second LOL #unrelated to this fic I was haunted by cater/Leona yesterday and #wrote ideas down for a very short fic lol #and it involved ruggie Percieving #and I was like damn it ruggie I’m sorry I keep using you for comedic energy and Catching Couples Next To Each Other #listen ruggie like all twst characters has a lot that could be explored #but I can only explore so many characters… other writers I trust u with him #he fills silly little guy role in my stories #for now #me when I don’t know how to progress a scene: what if ruggie was there.#THERE ARE OTHER CHARACTERS!!!!! idk I just like ruggie he’s fun LOL #but also he’s literally the only character that would make sense in this context for leocay…..#but if I write that I’m gonna have to like. hype myself up to post it LOL #when the idea came into my mind I was like I CANT PUT IT ON TUMBLR IT HAS TO BE STEALTH AO3 #and like. it literally isn’t different from my other fics I’m just easily embarrased LOL #this was about the silverkalim Jamilazul fic. I got distracted.#anyway. struggling on the actual silver/Kalim half of the idea so we’ll see if I ever write LOL #it would take a Lot of planning and I’m not used to that #but also!!! I should let myself be as loose as I want. it’s for fun. it’s to try new thing. playing in the mud. who give a shit !!!!

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designernishiki · 1 year

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hot take (aka headcanon) but I kinda think that nishiki and kiryu’s relationship pre-split wasn’t on both sides platonic/familial or fully romantic; I feel like nishiki had a thing for him (not sure if he fully realized it though) and that he had developed feelings for kiryu over the course of a good long time that were deeply confusing on their own, but even more so considering they would’ve been hard to sort out with what could just be attributed to close friendship or a familial-type bond.

and on the other side of this, kiryu was utterly oblivious and never thought to question what they had as being anything other than a close friendship or familial-type relationship or whatever it was being called out loud (we know kiryu, he’s blunt as hell and takes things at face value– not the best at reading between the lines) hence why the split between them, though both were clearly hurt a ton by it, hit nishiki harder and more acutely– because on top of losing the most important person in his life, which is bad enough, it would’ve crushed any tiny shred of hope he may have had to live out his long-time, perhaps even since-childhood fantasy of being by kiryu’s side forever as his one true confidant, in a more intimate way than as a friend.

#rambling #sad boy hours #this also ties into why I hc nishiki as being gay rather than bi for the most part (though both are absolutely valid and understandable)#won’t get into that here too much but yeah there’s just… a lot of tragic gay angst that can be associated with him and the way he handles m #(or doesn’t handle) their little… breakup and whatnot #and as for kiryu’s side of things. honestly if things went a different way than they did I don’t think something beyond friendship would be #out of the question. it’s just. I don’t think kiryu would’ve ever considered the concept because he’s so clueless #when it comes to relationships and romance and so on and furthermore because of the way he was brought up- which of course wouldn’t really #highlight the idea that falling for a guy (or vice versa) is even a possibility let alone that it’d be applicable to him and someone so #close to him and whatnot. learning about nishiki’s past feelings for him in a hypothetical post-kiwami situation I think would make #him short circuit. and to literally anyone else who knew about nishiki’s actions after the split and all it’d all click and make perfect #sense hearing that. but to kiryu it’d take some fuckin Time to process #I think the past would be in the past by whatever hypothetical future point this is but still its a lot to apply to some of the most #important and fundamental parts of/events of his life. hh. yeah. tack on some guilt if you wanna say kiryu would be with majima at that #point (however you define ‘with’– important part is It’s Not Straight) so the potential there- whatever it was- wasn’t totally nothing like #it would be if he was simply straight and thus it would’ve never been a possible relationship outcome #but. yeah. anyway. sorry I’m. I need to stop I’m going insane I think l #I hope I don’t sound too insane or controversial for this take gahdhshdh have mercy on me #it’s. it’s all just ideas. thoughts. in a game. in minecraft. etc #nishiki #kiryu #yakuza #long post

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vydumaj · 2 years

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I know I saw a post on here recently about fantasy worlds and how they shouldn’t use our days and months and ahhhh for [future nonexistent fantasy story im never gonna write] I was completely going to make up my own system for time bc I thought it would make No Sense for these fictional people in another imaginary world to divide the day into 24 hours made up of 60 minutes made up of 60 seconds…I remember making up my own fictional calendar where the length of the months varied (so “months” wouldn’t actually be depending on the moon), and the etymological reasons the “months” were called what they were and why they were a certain length…I was completely snowed in on this fictional calendar and that post really made me remember how fun…making things up…trying to develop details that would tie in together and make sense for a fictional world…it’s so frustrating I can’t come up with long plots enough to make up a book :/ I only have characters, very short simple plots and lots and lots of worldbuilding details (not all of them would go into the text, but I as a writer would need to know them! the world would have to make sense in great detail to me) and it’s so… it’s not like I’m skills/prose wise capable of writing anything fictional worth sharing either, but it’s so annoying how it Always falls short on the fact that I can’t come up with a long plot to save my life

#and writing short stories only? no way… with short stories every single sign needs to be in the right place #you can’t have a single word out of place and they all need to be so Intelligent…I’m not that…#idk what this post is….me #talking about how I love obsessing over small details and my own shortcomings ig #t says #sorry? this makes no sense #like I have thoughts! themes! things to say! but the story is ALWAYS short

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decembermoonskz · 1 year

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hi izzy!! just dropping by to say hello and ask how you’re doing 🤍

but also seeing what you said about the anon messages really made me think—i do believe that you (and other writers) taking down your works or leaving has scared some readers, you know? it’s just a reminder that we should appreciate all of the fics and the writers behind them, and not only mourn them when they’re gone and it’s too late.

and that’s not to say that your anons or anyone else *didn’t* appreciate them, i’m not trying to call anyone out. i think this can be said for plenty of fandoms and plenty of things outside kpop fics too. it’s just nice to appreciate things and let creators know that you appreciate their things, and not just as a last resort.

anyways. just my ramblings haha. i hope you’re having a good day / night 🤍

aww I agree with what you said rain. honestly I didn’t expect anyone to send me any messages about my fics if I’m being totally honest with you haha 😂 so it’s come as quite a surprise to me.

So I’m going to continue this under the cut so it doesn’t take up too much space. I just wanna say that tldr these are just my thoughts on why I’m really archiving my works and the feedback/plagiarizing events going on and have been going on. Feel free to disagree with me on any of this but please anyone, do not come into my inbox with any discourse or just to tell me you disagree with something.

And before I continue I just wanna say, rain, ty for provoking all these thoughts out of me and sorry I got kinda carried away LOL This got SUPER long so don’t feel like you have to read it lovely but just know you are so one-of-a-kind and I’m so glad you stopped by today when I saw your message I smiled 🫂

So about the messages I got, I just wanna say that there were some of these ppl who replied to their own asks to me and they said they fully understand why I’m doing what I’m doing and it’s nice to know that even tho I don’t necessarily need any validation to be satisfied with my choice.

I’m going to just share my own ramblings and my own feelings towards some of these things bc I really don’t talk about it much (mainly bc it’s kind of draining for me personally)

I think some ppl do understand that this was an inevitability should writers continue to be plagiarized or essentially “left on read” when it comes to feedback (to be slightly witty and lighten this just a bit lol) this topic isn’t one I talk about a lot but I fully acknowledge and hear/see what other authors go through on an (unfortunately) regular basis.

I think the main thing I tried so hard to remind myself of is that I write for myself and no one else. More than once did I forget this and start thinking “oh please like this fic! please tell me it was worth it to write! please like it and me!” I think that’s what my thoughts began to turn into, and when that started happening I knew I needed to step back bc I really started to hate writing and I wanted to just turn away from it. I took a really long hiatus back in 2021 (iirc time is fake) and after writing tons of projects for myself and taking time off of tumblr, I came back in a much healthier mindset.

Basically, I really stopped caring about notes and feedback and for me it was life-changing.

I under no circumstances claim this is how all writers should be to feel better nor do I claim thinking like this is as easy as a snap of your fingers or that it cures all problems. It took me a while to learn this lesson (hence the hiatus) but having learned to not really care about all of that stuff I truly felt better about my writing AND myself. Any and all notes and feedback have just been pure bonuses for me and they brighten my day if I happen to get any. Heck, I’m still shocked that not one but TWO of my fics surpassed 1k notes, like, that’s crazy to me. I realized that once I stopped caring so much about feedback or notes and chose to focus whether or not I was the one who was satisfied with my work, I noticed a lot of positive things would gather towards (such as feedback or reviews).

With all of that being said, this doesn’t make the issues going on go away (though I wish it would). I can’t deny that this is pretty much the perfect time to archive my fics what with the surge of plagiarism coming into the light right now. Of course though, plagiarism has always been around and it happens to anyone over anything, they way I think in no way ignores the fact that something like that is out there and unfortunately we all take a risk when sharing anything online (tho ofc plagiarism can happen even irl but this is more focusing on online). I knew that risk going into it and it hurts when I see other people I know and people I don’t know have their hard work taken by some random stranger all so that person can get more praise from more random strangers on the Internet bc they couldn’t come up with a creative idea on their own.

I really hope that these issues can be resolved and I always send my love and support to all authors who have been affected by plagiarism. I’m glad more people are being brave and using their anger to act and call out these people and standing up for themselves or others. Putting those emotions into something positive is what I hope for the most.

Now the last thing I wanna talk about is the reason I (myself) am taking a break. I think that the timing as I mentioned couldn’t have been better what with everything going on, but these issues aren’t actually the real reason I’m taking this break but i kind of Sept my reasons reasoning under the rug bc it wasn’t necessarily as urgent as others.

My reason is simply bc I’ve kind of lost that drive to post my stuff online at all. The same thing happened when I used to draw and post art years back. I realized that I just enjoy these activities for myself and my friends rn rather than sharing it with a ton of people. Now this isn’t to say that I hate it or that I’ll never post again ever. I doubt that honestly. But I think taking this break is good for me bc I just want to talk about my fics and/or share them with friends right now and that’s enough for me. Im sad to stop posting, yes, but it feels kind of like I’m closing a chapter. That doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind later on or want to post again either! I think we forget sometimes that we can make decisions and essentially unmake them down the road. There doesn’t need to be this fear of seeming indecisive to others or anything like that. I feel like I’d love to come back and post again some time but for now I’m good. I enjoy being on tumblr to reblog posts, chat and ramble, and maybe even come back to see messages in my inbox. That alone makes me happy and I just don’t wanna add anything else to it rn.

Will I be back to posting? I feel like I will at some point, but idk when that point is exactly. For now, I’m gonna take my time and think about it. I’m gonna keep writing but I just don’t think I need to share it online rn haha and I’m content with that. I don’t believe I was ever “unappreciated” on here, I was happy sharing for the most part, and any and all feedback gave me a little pep in my step, but it wasn’t the sole reason I was posting and that in and of itself I think was the reason I didn’t quit posting on tumblr a long time ago. I do hope that for those who continue to post on tumblr, they know it’s okay to keep doing it. I don’t want them thinking that with people leaving they’re wrong or bad or insane for still posting. Everyone should just do what feels right for them. I hope more and more people will come to appreciate authors more, not just of kpop fic but any fic or any writing. I hope creatives will be appreciated and given lots of love and they will have lots of joy rather than stress in their lives. I just don’t feel like being one of those creatives right now, and that’s okay. I can always come back if or when I feel like it.

I think that’s all sorry for this word dump, this is a fic length itself 😭😂

#mail #rain !! 🤍#sorry I rambled so much #I think this’ll probs be the last post where I talk about this so I’ll just refer ppl to this one if the need arises #just to avoid repeating myself!! JAKSJSJ #I told someone else that I’ll probs make an actual post #something short and maybe I’ll link this post with my thoughts if anyone actually cares or is curious lol #that way I have something ppl can refer to #gosh my brain is running a mile a minute I think I had all of this deep inside I’m glad to get it off my chest

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tamayokny · 1 year

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i want to share a very weird dream i once had in honor of gojo satoru’s birthday.

long story short, i was pregnant in my dream world. everyone (mostly the cast of jujutsu kaisen) congratulated me and kept asking me who the father was. however, i was very reserved and secretive, so i wouldn’t reveal the father’s identity. however, gojo was often around and would tease me whilst helping me out. eventually, there were moments where it was just the two of us and we were intimate. not in a sexual way, but we were spending time together. eventually, it dawned onto me that gojo was the father and i was in a relationship with him. the relationship was kept secret for many reasons, but i remember thinking that everyone would be shocked because such a short, sweet, and reserved person was in a relationship and having a child with gojo.

TLDR: i had the weirdest dream where i was in a relationship and expecting a child with gojo satoru.

#mads makes a text post #pregnancy cw #jjk #IT WAS SO WILD LMFAOOO #i think that dream was born from stress???#and like. The way I was romantically involved with gojo?#listen he’s my depressed friend but ummm #I don’t think he’s my type in romance and having a family with #I’m sorry gojo 🤣#I’m also embarrassed to tell you all this #but it’s Gojo’s bday bash so I thought it would be funny to share #also when I say sweet and reserved. I have been described as this and that’s how ppl perceive me #in both reality and that dream #also I am actually short and for some reason height adds to my personality? idk that’s just an observation

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terrainofheartfelt · 2 years

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What fic do you really want to write but have been struggling to put any words down with?

How much time do you have? Lol but really I’ve been feeling that way over pretty much everything I’ve tried to write lately, life, both personal and professional, has really been hanging heavy on my head and shoulders so not much writing has gotten accomplished. Like, I thought I would have finished all the prompts in my inbox by now rip.

So there’s….a few weeks back I mentioned that I wanted to write/was trying to write a s5 au in which to get away from the toxic men in her love life Blair convinces Dan to lie for her and they say that her child is his. Friends to coparents to lovers. Angst abounds. I got like, an incoherent outline, a fraction of a scene with Blair & Alison, and the big italicized oh moment for blair (which consists of Dan writing letters to their kid ala the climax in Beach Read—except nothing like that, but kind of like that, you’ll see. Hopefully. I ran out of spoons because I was tired and I wasn’t sure if, upon finishing it, anyone would even care.

Another is I started a Hart of Dixie-flavored au that sort of aligns with the last ep of s3 and the frist 3ish eps of s4 in HoD. the central couple that has the Zade journey would be Vanessa/Nate, and there’s of course van der humphrey shenanigans and a side-helping of Dair (I’m me I can’t help it), and Serena being the AB to Vanessa & Blair’s Zoe & Lemon (the bathroom scene in 4x02 is really what inspired me). It was coming along pretty easily but I just ran out of steam and it’s been on ice ever since. I know how I want it to go, it’s a matter of timing now. Hopefully talking about it helps?

Like I told S in her ask box last week-ish, I know where I want to take the MoF series next: it involves Dair coming out as a couple over Rufly’s fifth anniversary weekend, and there’s lots of Feelings involved on all ends, plus Dan’s last year of grad school and his sophomore novel coming out, plus Dair figuring out their future, plus the VDH gang and co. going to Scott’s wedding, plus more of dilf!Nate living his Lorelai Gilmore plot, etc etc. I’ve been thinking about it forever, but have put virtually nothing down, because I didn’t know if I updated the series if anyone would care? I put a lot of soul into the last multi-chap work, and it felt like the emotional heavy lifting I did for it didn’t really match the engagement I got in return. And though I write first and foremost for ME, idk it was still disheartening.

I think I mentioned this before, which is why I’m ok talking about it now, but for the holiday season I realllllly want to finally write the nancy meyer’s Holiday AU I’ve wanted to write for two christmases now. Dair & Natessa. With some Milo on the side. After I finish the last however many prompts I may just block off the rest of fall to work on it very slowly. Because I want! To! Do! It!

And in that vein I have mentioned kinktober but tbh I have like 3 ideas on the smut stove that I haven’t been able to take anywhere. So who knows. You’ll def get the Dan/Carter I have banked but after that, possibly nothing.

#this is uhhhhh way more nihilistic than I meant it to be sorry #idk lately I’ve just kinda been feeling the futility I guess?#like I write something #post it #and it’ll get like 2 days max of attention and engagement #and then it’s crickets until I muster up the energy to write and post something new #and I don’t write short works so that takes a lot of time and attention and energy that for a multitude of reasons I just haven’t had latel #I mean I have like 5 or 6 dance fever posts sitting in my drafts ready to go but I haven’t posted them because like…what would be the point #on the whole this community is so loving and supportive #but we’re all people who have the hard work of being human beings in this world #so I’m trying to adjust my relationship to ao3 and tumblr by being on here less #hence my few days’ absence this past weekend #but. Seriously. If you like something a person makes: Reblog. Leave comments. Reblog and add tags.#asks #anon #liz shouting about her fic writing progress into the void

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