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kingcael · 8 months

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My friend Norah has a new song out I did the art for 🎶🥰

#cael does art #norah eve #music #I actually have been doing a fit bit of music and band illustrations #Spotify

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desktopdisko · 1 month

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Desktop Disko's A-Rotation Top 50 (2024 #04)

Youtube Musicvideo Playlist: DD's A-Rotation Playlist 2024 #04

01 Ão: More 02 Yard Act feat. Katy J. Pearson: When the Laughter Stops 03 Depeche Mode: Before We Drown 04 Phoebe Go: 7 Up 05 Luna Shadows: Little Rituals 06 Sevana: Keep Going - Chosen 07 Still Corners: The Dream 08 The Mysterines: Stray 09 Abigail Rose: Run Girl 10 Kali Uchis & Peso Pluma: Igual que un Ángel

11 Grace Cummings: On and On 12 Drahla: Default Parody 13 Dua Lipa: Training Season 14 Another Sky: I Never Had Control 15 Britti: Lullaby 16 Kacey Musgraves: Deeper Well 17 Purple Disco Machine x ÁSDÍS: Beat of Your Heart 18 Bolis Pupul with Salah Pupul: Ma Tau Wai Road 19 The Lemon Twigs: My Golden Years 20 Rachel Chinouriri: Never Need Me

21 Yard Act: We Make Hits 22 Amatorski: 20/04 23 Ibibio Sound Machine: Got to Be Who U Are 24 Raven Numan: My Reflection 25 Sunday (1994): Tired Boy 26 Magnets: Speak 27 Lo Moon: Water 28 Vampire Weekend: Capricorn 29 St. Vincent: Broken Man 30 Dua Lipa: Houdini

31 The Beatles: Now and Then 32 Jessica Pratt: Life Is 33 Rosie Frater-Taylor: Give & Take 34 English Teacher: Albert Road 35 Novastar: Look at You Now 36 Billy Joel: Turn the Lights Back On 37 Beth Gibbons: Floating on a Moment 38 Norah Jones: Running 39 The Last Dinner Party: Caesar on a TV Screen 40 DellaXOZ: Don't Do It

41 Caroline Polachek feat. Weyes Blood: Butterfly Net 42 Low Hum: Only If You Say So 43 Kevin Holliday: Brown Eyes 44 Bat for Lashes: The Dream of Delphi 45 Leona Naess: Tailspin 46 The Blinders: Swallowing Static 47 Maggie Rogers: Don't Forget Me 48 And They Spoke in Anthems: Leave (Leave, Leave) 49 Bwana: Lonely Happy 50 Lauren Eve Scheff: Nothing to Prove (NEW)

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oh-shush · 1 year

Video

youtube

Norah Jones - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? (Visualizer)

#youtube #NORAH JONES #WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S EVE #NEW YEARS #NYE 2023

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lovelytsunoda · 1 year

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new year's eve // zhou guanyu

summary: a sponsor event in the big apple, white wine on linen, a chinese stain removal method and a red silk qipao bring zhou and y/n together for a new year's adventure that teaches them important lessons about self-love, intimacy and the joy of living.

pairing: zhou guanyu x female reader

it's new years eve, theres too much noise, i could barely hear my own voice. i always said you were too shy, but then I went off to cry. wish i'd never worn that white dress. you found me outside, looking like somebody died

warnings: descriptive panic attack, drinking in a social setting, mentions of premature labour, a little bit of a she’s all that-esque makeover, an iconic chinese grandmother, badly translated mandarin, mentions of body insecurity. the smut scene includes the following: oral (fem receiving), an absurd amount of touching (good god have you seen this man’s hands?!?!), cowgirl, post-coital dysphoria and insecurities, aftercare & sugar sweet zhou <3

author's note: i think that this could very well be one of my favourite things that i have ever written. . . .it feels very 'nick and norah' crossed with 'she's all that'. so without further ado, here is the final full-lenght fic of 2022, and i can't wait to go into 2023 with you guys : )

new york city, new year's eve.

he didn't want to be there.

in the big party thrown by one of valtteri's new york sponsors, lost in a sea of people speaking english that was too fast for him to grasp.

val had promised him it would be different, that zhou's presence was just as important as the finn's.

so why didn't it feel that way? why had the entire trip, meant to be a team bonding experience, feel like zhou was playing third wheel to valtteri and tiffany's winter couple's holiday?

and now he was standing in the lobby of some plush hotel, brushing shoulders with the self-centered american elites. he stood in the back corner, with an almost full glass of expensive champagne in hand.

he’s lost valterri an hour ago, with the driver swept up in a crowd of people who wanted his attention.

there was a commotion in the crowd, and zhou couldn’t tear his eyes away as a young woman in a puffy tan jacket and a long white dress came running, purse dangling from her hand and white wine running down her front, an apologetic waiter shouting after her.

zhou placed his champagne on the counter, hoping to catch the girl before she rushed out of the hotel doors, before he noticed that her phone had fallen out of her hand and clattered to the floor.

“miss?” he shouted, picking up the iPhone in its dropproof case, the screen lighting up with a stock photo from pinterest featuring a bouquet of tulips.

but she didn’t hear him, pushing her way out of the hotel.

so the alfa romeo driver saw no other option but to run after her.

“sorry to bother you,” he started, pulling his prada trench coat tighter around his body as a shield from the cold. “you dropped your pho-oh my god, are you okay?”

the woman was sitting on a bench outside the hotel, red in the face with tears in her eyes as she gasped for breath, clutching at her chest as she tried to fill her lungs with the winter air. she shook her head, panic in her eyes as zhou knelt down to meet her eyes.

“hey, look at me. I’m going to hold your hands, okay? I want you to breathe with me. gently in and out.” he guided her, trying to match their breathing together. slowly, he could see the color returning to her face. “you dropped your phone.” he said gently, pulling the iphone out of his pocket.

“thank christ.” she exhaled, taking the device from the driver. “I probably would’ve died once I found out I left it in there. I’m y/n.”

“zhou. or, guanyu, guanyu zhou, as you americans would say.”

“zhou guanyu.” she said softly, saying it the chinese way, with his last name first. now that she was talking more freely, he noticed her accent. australian. she was a long way from home. “I like it. it sounds regal, almost like you’re royalty. what brings you to the big apple? sounds like both of us are a long way from home.”

zhou sighed, taking a seat on the bench next to her. “it’s a promotional event for my teammate. I think valtteri invited me out of pity.”

“wait, valtteri bottas?” y/ns ears perked up. “I might be reaching a bit, but do you know his girlfriend, tiffany cromwell?”

“of course I know tiff. how do you?”

“my cousin is her nutritionist, she was supposed to be tiffany’s plus one, but her baby had other ideas and she went into premature labour, so tiff invited me along instead.”

the two young adults sat in silence for a minute as all the pieces slotted together in their brains, before zhou shouted in cantonese and y/n cursed under her breath.

“those cunts.” she snickered “I bet val and tiff planned this. they were setting us up, weren’t they?”

zhou laughed, a gleeful sound, his head tilted back and a few silky strands of his dark hair falling in front of his eyes. “it looks like we’re a few steps ahead of them.”

“I guess we are.” she laughed, brushing some hair behind her ear. “fuck, it’s cold as balls out here. and the wine down the front of my dress isn’t helping much.”

zhou looked over, watching the warmly coloured liquid soak into the thin white fabric. he reached for his own phone, fingers scrabbling across the keyboard.

“I have an idea. there’s this old chinese remedy my mom used to use to get dirt and grass stains out of my race suits as a kid. and if it can get grass out of a race suit, it can get white wine out of a linen dress.”

“I’m impressed that you even know that my dress is made of linen.”

“it’s a skill set. it’s not useful, it it’s a skill set.” the driver shrugged. “the closest chinese market is twenty minutes away by taxi. what do you think, y/n? do you fancy a new york adventure with me?”

y/n snorted “good luck getting a taxi in new york city on bloody new years.”

zhou got to his feet, running towards the street corner, waving his arm in the air. “taxi!” he shouted. “fuck, I’ve always wanted to do that!”

y/n laughed as she stood up, hobbling across the icy sidewalk in her high heels, trying not to step on the hem of her dress. zhou had successfully hailed a cab in under an hour, a feat that few accomplished on new years in the big apple.

he held the door open for her with a grin and a proper curtesy, a grin on his face as he said ‘after you, m’lady."

the taxi wove in an out of the new york traffic, turning down a side street lit with paper lanterns in glowing red and yellow. y/n watched on, entranced by the city that never stopped moving around her, fingers absently drawing simple shapes in the condensation that had formed on the inside of the window. zhou watched her with a tender smile on his face, completely at a loss on how to explain his sudden infatuation with the girl sitting next to him. he was drawn to everything about her: her loud mouth, her soft eyes, her gentle accent.

she was magnetic, and zhou was a refrigerator magnet.

the cab came to a stop in front of a small bodega, windows plastered with advertisements for chinese soft drinks, paper signs in calligraphy dictating the opening hours. the only thing written in english was the blinking open sign hanging in the door.

zhou paid the cab driver before taking y/n's hand in his and opening the glass door. the market had a cozy, homely feel to it: shelves packed with brightly colored boxes, a rack of brightly colored qipao lining one far wall, the spinning rack of postcards by the front door, the neon drink cooler that seemed to glow brighter than anything else in the calmly lit room.

it reminded her almost of the tourist trap market areas in sydney.

behind the counter, a young woman of about twenty-five leaned over the counter, a juul hanging from the corner of her mouth as she flipped through an issue of cosmopolitan. zhou went straight to the counter, striking up a conversation in mandarin as a shorter elderly woman with a bright smile emerged from the curtain hanging over the back room.

"what can i do for you today, young man?" the shopkeeper had a knowing look in her eyes as they roamed back and forth between zhou and y/n, who was looking at the delicately made qipao in wonder, her fingers dancing across the delicate silk. "condoms are in the third aisle."

zhou's face blushed pink, and he coughed to disguise the laugh that threatened to bubble over. "what, no, my friend spilled some white wine on her dress." he went on to list all of the ingredients he would need to clean the linen. "could you help us out?"

the shopkeeper nodded. "i'll need her dress. unfortunately, i only have qipao for her to wear in the meantime." she turned to the young woman at the other end of the counter who had just exhaled a cloud of watermelon scented water vapour. "mei-lin, can you help the young woman get soem fresh clothes so i can wash her dress?"

"a makeover?" mei-lin's eyes lit up as zhou called y/n over. "i'm finally going to get to 'she's all that' someone?"

y/n's eyes widened as she looked at zhou. "what's happening?"

"mei-lin is going to help you." the shopkeeper switched to english as she looked at y/n with a smile. "i trust her to get you settled, and then your friend and i will get that pesky wine stain out of your lovely dress."

neither party missed the change in the old woman's tone when she said the word 'friend'.

"and on that note," mei-lin said, breaking up the awkward silence. "i'm going to go pick out some qipao, and you can go straight to the back room so we can get this party started."

with one last panicked look at zhou, y/n retreated to the back room as the shopkeeper took zhou by the hand and helped him find the things he needed for his mother's herbal stain remover.

"first things first, call me melanie, that's the name that i prefer for myself. nainai is very traditional, but it's something that i love most about her." mei-lin smiled. "now, get that pesky dress off and we'll find something to impress loverboy out there."

y/n laughed nervously as she watched melanie hang up the qipao on an exposed pipe in the break room. "okay, so he and i just met half an hour ago, and is this not cultural appropriation, or fetishization or something?"

"semantics. i'm sure nainai would have given you other clothes if we had something other than qipao, but i think she's secretly excited about having the chance to show these off. she makes them herself, you know. she was an atelier in beijing before they decided to come to new york." melanie paused, looking at the four dresses she'd hung up. "mr. prada over there looked like a boobs man, is he a boobs man? and it's cold outside so that takes out the short one."

the australian tuned it out as she slipped out of her heels, puffer jacket and the soaked linen dress. a part of her was surprised that the wine hadn't frozen solid on her dress yet as she passed it over the paper screen to melanie, who was standing on the other side, seemingly having made up her mind about the qipao.

"what were you wearing underneath that dress? nainai makes lingerie too, i'm sure there's a box back here somewhere. she sells it on amazon, small business and whatever. my grandmother is quite the entrepreneur. let me find something that matches the qipao. we're going to knock mr. prada's socks off!"

by this point, y/n had discovered that it was useless to try and reason with melanie, and felt all the fight leave her body. besides, she couldn't remember the last time she had been pampered, and there was a part of her that felt a rush of adrenaline thinking about the alfa romeo driver's hands all over her body.

she was doing this for herself, and nobody else. something out of her comfort zone. consider it an early new year's resolution.

she was presently surprised in her appearance when she emerged from the paper screen, looking at the mirror hanging limply on the concrete wall. the red fabric hugged her curves perfectly, enunciating all the things she had once been insecure about in a flattering, pleasing way.

she felt sexy, and it was a foreign feeling. but it also gave her confidence, and that's when she thought she might break. for the first time, she wasn't wearing that big label that said 'fragile, handle with caution'.

melanie clapped her hands in glee. "you look stunning, absolutely wonderful!! huálì de! mr. prada isn't going to know what hit him!"

but also in that same mirror, y/n could see her messy, disarrayed hair, her smudged mascara. puffy eyes from crying.

"makeup wouldn't happen to be a part of this makeover deal, would it?"

twenty minutes later, she emerged from the back room as a changed woman, fighting the urge to draw into herself timidly, instead walking with her head held high, hair pulled back in a prim bun and held together with two red and gold hair pins.

"hi." she said awkwardly, waving her arm limply as zhou looked up from his phone, jaw dropping in wonder.

he had been in the middle of texting valtteri when y/n emerged from the back room, effectively taking his breath away. she looked regal and confident, something in her appearance that hadn't been there before. the qipao had a tighter fit than the linen she was wearing earlier, drawing zhou's attention to parts of her body that he hadn't even noticed before.

"hi. uh, wow, you look incredible."

"keep the qipao." nainai smiled from behind the counter. "it suits you. i designed it for a girl like you, you know. someone who needed an extra boost of confidence in herself. you wear it well, xiao niao. and if anybody asks where it's from, please send them over here."

y/n lowered her voice, looking at zhou. "what did she just call me?"

the driver laughed. "xiao niao. it means 'little bird'."

a simple term of endearment shouldn't have made her heart flutter the way that it did. it was the way the syllables rolled of zhou's tongue that made the butterflies in her stomach run rampant.

and she'd be damned if she didn't end the night in his bed, or at least with her lips on his.

and she didn't even know where this sudden rush of lust and self-confidence had come from. but she planned on riding that wave as long as she could.

“I’m sorry for cutting your gala short.” she apologized softly, pulling her jacket back on. “although i don’t think that you were having a lot of fun.”

zhou chuckled. “it’s fine. I didn’t want to be there all that much anyways. I only went for valtteri.”

“and I only went for tiffany.”

melanie gave them a knowing look from where she stood next to her grandmother behind the counter. “there’s a really good hot coco place around the corner, you guys could walk there if you wanted to.”

“what do you think, zhou?” she asked softly, looking at the alfa driver. “should we keep the night going?”

“the night is still young.”

nainai smiled. “here’s your dress, honey.” she said, passing a plastic walmart bag over the counter. “rinse it out in the morning and it will be perfectly fine. keep him, he’s a smart one.” the older woman laughed, pointing at zhou.

the two young adults left the bodega together, still dancing around hand holding, although zhou was ever the gentleman, holding doors open and guiding y/n away from the puddles and ice, still balanced on her stiletto heels.

nainai and melanie watched thoughtfully from inside the market. “I give them an hour tops before she ends up in his bed.”

“nainai!” melanie gasped. “I’d only give them half that.”

her grandmother shook her head with a grin and a small laugh. “she’s got him wrapped around her little finger.”

melanie grinned, taking another drag from her juul. “hell yeah she does. and I don’t even think she knows it.”

out on the street corner, once they were out of sight from the bodegas windows, y/n quickly zipped up her jacket, reaching behind her head to pull out the hair pins, shaking her waves out.

"there. this feels a little less cultural appropriate-y. melanie pulled the bun too tightly anyways."

"i think that your hair looks better like that." zhou remarked offhandedly. "and the qipao looks brilliant."

y/n looked at the hairpin in her hands, the cold night air rapidly cooling the metal in her hands. the pin was wrapped in a sleeve of red string, a silver dragon piece spiraling down the shaft.

"i love dragons." she remarked, twirling the hairpin around as she followed zhou in the direction that the shopkeeper had pointed them, desperate for a warm drink. "i have a collection of them, little ceramic dragons. i pick up one wherever i can, usually when i travel. this will look pretty neat in the display cabinet."

the hot chocolate bar seemed to light up the entire street. the interior was all white marble and subway tile, bouquets of pale pink roses on each table. ever the gentleman, zhou held the door open for her, his breath turning to vapour in the cold air. she thanked him, going straight to the counter, trying to warm up her hands as she held on to zhou's.

chalkboards behind the counter detailed the extravagant and overpriced, sugar-filled beverages, and y/n couldn't decide what she wanted to try first. the cafe was fairly empty, the driver and his plus one being the only two people in the line, and two of five in the whole resteraunt.

y/n supposed that it was because there were better places to be on new year's eve in new york city. they ordered, and zhou found himself tapping the credit card app on his phone against the debit machine before y/n even had a chance to get her wallet out of her purse.

"you didn't have to do that." she said softly as the alfa driver collected the receipt from the barista.

"i know. but i wanted to." he took a soft breath before the duo sat down nest to each other in a corner booth. "you're worth every penny."

"you don't even know me."

"but i want to. i want to know everything, y/n."

and for the next hour, that's what they did. talking about anything and everything, laughing at each other's jokes. it was awkward and comfortable and giggly in that way that you could only ever read about in books. zhou told her everything about racing, travelling, growing up in shanghai. they bonded together over hot chocolates piled high with caramel sauce, whipped cream and ground up oreo cookies and caramel chips.

"y/n, you've got a little something . . ." zhou's voice trailed off as he placed his delicate, slender fingers underneath her chin, using them to tilt her head back so he could use the pad of his pointer finger to swipe the whipped cream and caramel off the top of her cupid's bow.

their eyes met, a flash of recognition sparking between them as y/n's eyes fluttered closed, lips parting in anticipation as zhou carefully placed his lips against hers, cradling her bottom lip between his.

he held her as if she was made out of glass, like he was scared of making too many sudden movements lest she shatter. they parted gently, foreheads resting against each other before y/n broke, pulling him back in for an even fiercer kiss, her lips burning every time their lips made contact, arousal pooling in her stomach as zhou gently placed his hand against her neck.

"my hotel room or yours?"

_____

how alive she felt with his lips on hers.

they stumbled in through the hotel door, hands on each other's bodies with reckless abandon, jackets and purses falling to the hardwood floor as she hobbled out of her high heels, zhou's lips on her neck as she fell against the wall, pulling him closer by the waistband as she redirected his lips to hers.

he couldn't help but briefly wonder what his mother would think. deflowering a girl in a qipao? a girl who wasn't even chinese?

zhou slipped his palm up the small slit in the side of the qipao, running his soft hands along y/n's tender skin, goosebumps following in his wake.

"i'd strip for you," y/n started with a small laugh. "but i have no idea how to take this damn thing off."

"don't worry about it." he said with a soft kiss to her forehead. "i've got you."

she was shocked at how quick she had spread her legs for him, how safe she felt in his presence.

how alive she felt with his lips on hers.

he took his time with her once she was undressed, wearing nothing but the bright red lingerie, lace fabric dotted with hearts, his soft fingertips caressing her thighs, his lips following after. he wasn't even kissing her, just softly feeling every inch of her underneath his soft, plump lips.

"zhou, please." she breathed out. "i need you to do something, i can't take this."

"patience, bao bei. i want to enjoy you." the tip of his index finger traced the crease of her thigh, so despairingly close to where she ached to feel him.

"zhou." she whined, taking his hand in hers and guiding it over the lace. "i need to feel your mouth on me."

she wasn't sure when she had become this bold, when she didn't feel the urge to shy away during the most intimate of moments. didn't feel the urge to hide when zhou pulled her panties aside, pressing a feather light kiss to her clit.

and then the real fun began as he licked up her dripping center, probably making a mess of the hotel bedsheets in the process. y/n's hand flew to the back of his head as he slipped his tongue inside her, gently moving it in and out as he listened to her breathy moans, her head tilted back as she bit her lip to stop herself from cursing.

"zhou, please, just like that, right there baby . . . " she whined, before the driver withdrew his tongue and kissed her inner thigh, sloppy, sticky and messy.

"god, you're beautiful." he breathed before he mumbled something in mandarin. "i can't get enough of you, bao bei."

it was going to be a long, long night.

they welcomed the new year still wrapped in the sheets. zhou leaned back against a pile of pillows, his hands gripping y/n's hips as she rode him, her hands braced on his chest as he stared up at her in wonder.

this was round three, their bodies covered in sweat, hickies beginning to form on their skin as they huffed and groaned, y/n shaking above him as she felt her third orgasm rapidly approach.

"oh god, you fill me so well, baby. i think i'm gonna come!"

zhou's face was blushed and rosy as he tightened his grip, thrusting his hips up to wrangle another harsh moan from the back of y/n's throat.

she came just as the fireworks started to go off outside the window, bright colors from the flashes illuminating the room in shades of red and gold as her strength evaporated, her body slumping against his as his hips stilled, filling the latex condom with his seed.

"happy new year, y/n." he smiled, kissing the side of her head as she turned to look at him.

"happy new year, zhou." she grinned before she kissed him.

____

she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, sweaty hair hanging around her face, the red sheen dissipating from her face as she criticized every part of her appearance.

the adrenaline had worn off, and now she felt like shit. even wearing the prada t-shirt zhou had lent her when she got out of the bed to run to the washroom was another thing for her to judge about herself.

how had she been so careless to fall into bed with him so quickly? she avoided one night stands like the plague, and sometimes even in proper relationships, the act left her feeling like this.

feeling like she was just another thing to be used.

"y/n?" zhou shouted, his disembodied voice followed by a knock on the bathroom door. "i'm coming inside, okay? i'm worried about you."

the door slid open, and she wiped at the tears threatening to collect under her eyes.

"bao bei?" zhou said softly. he was dressed in nothing but grey sweatpants, loosely tied and hanging off his waist. "what's wrong? did i do something?"

"no, no." she shook her head quickly, wiping at her eyes. "you did everything just fine. you treated me like a queen this entire night."

zhou took her hands in his, running his thumbs over her knuckles. "it's just the adrenaline drop, sweetheart. you're beautiful, and smart, and funny, and this has been the best night of my life. and i want to keep this going. i want to know you better. how about you come back to bed, we'll cuddle. and then in the morning, you and i go out for breakfast?"

"yeah, i like that." she smiled, squeezing his hands in hers. "i really like you, zhou. and i've had a really good time with you, tonight."

he kissed her softly, brushing a section of her hair away from her face.

"come on, get some rest, beautiful. i'll see you in the morning. or, later this morning."

y/n laughed. "what time even is it?"

"12:45, january first."

"yeah, let's go back to bed."

____

Tags: @magnummagnussen @scuderiamh @sidcrosbyspuck @libraryofloveletters @diorleclerc @daydreamingleclerc

#zhou guanyu #zhou guanyu x reader #zhou guanyu x y/n #formula one x reader #f1 imagine #the christmas collection 2022 #f1 x reader #Spotify

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thatbanditqueen · 4 months

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Idk why but every time I hear Yayo by Lana Del Rey I think of Elvis and Midge. I love The Only Sure Thing! ❤️

Ah, yes, I see this, thank you for sharing , now I'm listening to this song. I feel like Lana's music and voice realky captures that desire too have a man take you away from your horrible poor humdrum life to something better. Midge's ongoing struggle is whether to give in fully and submit to this fantasy, and right noe she has sort of given herself up to being Elvis' girl. My favorite album is Ultraviolence, and her songs capture so well the bittersweet angst and pleasure of being in love with an imperfect man.

I am about 5k into what was initially an xmas '61 chapter of The Only Sure Thing. I think I'm going to extend it to New Year's Eve, and hopefully post it before Jan 1.

I'm always surprised and excited to read comments about this fic, I'm so woefully behind on what I want to write for Midge & Elvis. So thanks for the note, it really means a lot to me.

I hope you are enjoying the holidays and that Elvis' spirit is filling you up with light and love during these dark days.

xoxo

Norah

#elvis presley #elvis fanfiction #elvis x oc #the only sure thing #bandit queen asks

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magicshopaholic · 11 months

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The Test (Seokjin x OC)

Summary: You and Seokjin deal with the possibility of an unexpected - and unplanned - discovery.

Pairing: Seokjin x OC

Genre: Best friends; angst

Word count: 5.9 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language; talks of pregnancy; mentions of death and amputations (Nari's a surgeon, duh); allusions to abortion, childbirth, complications and miscarriages

A/N: Whew, this was rough. Takes place the day after The Wedding.

Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @meirkive @faearchives @margopinkerton @kflixnet (italics could not be tagged; drop a message if you want to be added)

Listen to: "don't know why" by norah jones

seokjin masterlist | main masterlist

Seokjin is just done brushing his teeth, bleary-eyed and exhausted, when someone knocks on the door loudly. For some reason, his first reaction is to duck, as though afraid of a gunshot through the window of his sixteen-storey bathroom.

He splashes some water on his face and makes his way to the door, all while the knocks grow louder and more inconsistent. It’s annoying, not least because it’s reasonably early in the morning, but there’s something terribly frantic about the way the sound echoes through his living room.

Seokjin knows who it is before he opens the door.

“Nari, it’s - do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s late,” she says hurriedly, brushing past him without invitation and entering his house. “Or it’s early. Or - I don’t know. I’ve been at the hospital,” she adds, and her voice trembles a bit.

He shuts the door slowly behind him, taking in her mildly dishevelled state. It’s strangely similar to how she’d looked twenty-four hours ago at her parents’ house, but different in every other physically conceivable way. In faded jeans and a grey t-shirt that she’d changed into at the hotel yesterday, with her hair tied back messily, she looks completely drained of energy. Yet, her tone is upbeat, almost jumpy in a way.

“Are you - have you slept at all?”

“What? No,” she says, shaking her head jerkily. “I told you, I was at the hospital. I had to monitor a patient all night, so I’ve been hitting the caffeine. I had to make sure he didn’t conk off on my watch,” she explains vaguely, moving some items off his couch to make space for her bag.

Uncertain how to respond to that, Seokjin swallows. “Okay. Um… don’t you think you should get some sleep? You’ve been up all night -”

“I will - I’ll take a nap at the hospital. I have a surgery this afternoon,” she tells him, eyes shining. “It’s a below-the-knee amputation. It’s my first orthopaedic rotation all year but I’ve been with this patient since he got admitted, so if everything goes well, I’ll get to saw the leg off,” she finishes excitedly.

There’s a distinct rumble of thunder in the distance while Seokjin processes this information. “Jesus Christ, Nari,” he says finally, running a hand over his face. “That’s - that’s really morbid. And weird.”

“It’s not! The patient has cancer and he’s in pain - believe me, he wants this leg cut off as soon as -”

“Okay, stop!” He cringes when she gets cut off. “Sorry, it’s just… a lot. And not what you came here for.” He pauses, watching her smile fade and knowing he’s right. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Nari swallows, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and dropping her gaze. “Why - why would you assume something is wrong?”

Because the last time we saw each other, you seemed like you couldn’t wait to get away from me. But no good can come of reliving that.

“Um, you seem a little… frazzled,” he says. “Is everything okay? Is this about - about yesterday?”

Nari’s breath hitches a bit. “Oh. Well… yeah, actually. Oh, God, I don’t know where to start,” she mutters, covering her mouth and sitting on the sofa. She drops her head in her hands and groans.

Shit. Seokjin hoped it wouldn’t come to this, that the things he’d said to her yesterday would just stay buried - would stay on the other side of the door, like she said. But that’s too much to hope for, even though he’d done the right thing. He takes a hesitant seat next to her.

“Look, I - I’m sorry if it came out the wrong way,” he murmurs, not knowing whether to look at her. “I never wanted to hurt your feelings and I - I guess was taken a little off guard when you asked me. But… I understand if you’re mad at me.”

Nari frowns, and he can almost hear her brain working. Then her eyes widen. “Oh… God. No, no, that’s - that’s not what I’m talking about,” she says quickly, her cheeks flushing. “I heard you. Loud and clear,” she mutters, looking away, clearly embarrassed.

Loud and clear. It’s ironic, for he’d heard her loud and clear, too. The timing was impeccable - and fortunate - for if Seokjin had not accidentally overheard Nari with her mother, right when he’d been on his way to apologise for his horrendous behaviour, he may have destroyed their friendship for good.

You thought I was dating Seokjin? God, mom, there’s just no way.

In hindsight, it makes sense. They were never supposed to have feelings for each other. She knew it - he just had to put into the right words for her.

Seokjin clears his throat, trying to ignore his heart sinking at the memory. “Oh. Okay. What is it then?” he asks, suddenly struggling to remember anything else that might have happened yesterday, but drawing a blank.

“Right.” Nari nods before abruptly standing up and facing him. Their positions now reversed, she takes a deep breath. All her jumpiness seems to have disappeared; she looks more worried than he’s ever seen her.

“Okay, for the record, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but… it’s the right thing to do.” She exhales again, deeper this time. “Seokjin, I… my period is late. I - I might be pregnant.”

There’s that thunder again, somewhere in the distance. It’s strange, for the sky is blue, with not a cloud in sight.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“I -” Seokjin tries to swallow, but finds his throat is dry. He shakes his head and meets her gaze. “Are you telling you’re pregnant? With - with my -”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“No,” she says, pacing around the living room now that the words are out of her mouth. “I haven’t taken a test; I’ve been awake all night and the coffee and the - the alcohol from the wedding - they can mess with the result. A blood test is better. But the lab is backed up, so I won’t get the result until later tonight.” She looks up at him expectantly. “But… I can’t remember the last time my period was late.”

That last detail is enough for Seokjin. “Oh, my God.” It feels like a tree trunk that’s broken during a storm and is blocking the road, clouding his entire future as he knows it. “I - we’re going on tour next year,” is all that comes out of his mouth.

He knows instantly that it’s the wrong thing to say, for he looks up to see Nari’s face fall.

“Of course. I - I know. You’re - I would never ask you to give up -” But here she breaks off, and her face screws up as though she’s about to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no,” he mutters immediately, getting to his feet and standing right in front of her. “That’s not what I meant. I’ll be with you, okay? Whatever you decide to do. I mean it,” he adds, squeezing her shoulders. “It’s just a lot to process. But… we’ll figure this out.”

Nari doesn’t say anything for a moment, her eyes searching his face. Her fear is visible and he wonders momentarily if she’s thinking about yesterday, about his hesitant confession in response to a question he never thought either of them would have the courage to ask each other. As he thinks it, another possibility occurs to him.

“Wait, is that why you asked if -”

He’s cut off by a beeping sound. Nari steps away from him and fishes her pager out of her pocket. “Fuck, I have to go. My patient’s vitals are dropping,” she mutters, moving around him to get her bag.

“Now?” Seokjin frowns, bewildered at this sudden change in atmosphere. “Wait, Nari. We - we have to talk about this.”

She sighs, looking more tired than ever. He’s so tempted, so tempted, to ask her whether she’s eaten anything decent but the words catch in his throat.

“I know. We will. I just… I can’t deal with this right now.” She shakes her head and heads to the door, pausing at the exit. She turns around to face him, and she looks almost guilty. “I’m sorry, Seokjin.”

It’s too loaded to be about anything else, but before he can ask her again, she’s gone.

—

Seokjin hurries into Big Hit an hour later, his mind going a mile a minute. There were too many variables in front of him once Nari left his apartment, so his solution was zero down to the one most within his reach. He’d blasted a message in the group chat before heading into the shower, vaguely hoping to drown himself, and had emerged to a single lone reply from Jungkook who told him exactly where to find Namjoon for the rest of the day.

He races to the younger member’s studio and bursts in without warning, all formalities set aside for now. Namjoon, head bent over laptop and a pair of gigantic headphones perched on top, doesn’t even notice him for a few seconds.

“Whoa,” he says, doing a double take and pausing something on the laptop before taking off the headphones. “Hey, hyung. What are you doing here?”

That’s a great question. Seokjin knows the gist of why he’s here, at Big Hit, in the leader’s studio even though he’s not on schedule right now. But he hasn’t the faintest idea where to start because suddenly, for the first time in over an hour, the full force of Nari’s news is occurring to him. He exhales shakily, still standing in the doorway, feeling like his legs might give out.

Namjoon frowns. “Hyung? Are you -”

“Yeah.” Seokjin nods and steps in, the door swinging shut behind him. “Sorry, I know you’re busy and everything, but I just wanted to, uh… discuss something.”

“Uh, yeah. Of course.” Namjoon gets up and pulls a chair over to the monitor, gesturing for him to sit. “Do you want coffee or anything?”

Something strong. But it’s much too early for that.

“Just water. Thanks.”

Namjoon nods and takes two small bottles out of the fridge and hands one to Seokjin, who unscrews the cap and takes a large swig, not emerging until he’s drunk the whole thing. He pretends not to notice Namjoon’s frown deepen, staring at the screen instead.

“What are you working on?” he asks, hearing the barely-masked indifference in his own tone.

Namjoon stares for a moment before gesturing to the screen. “Uh, nothing, really. Just mixing some stuff. Something for the next album probably.”

“That’s great.”

“Something on your mind, hyung?”

“Yeah, okay.” There’s no point beating around the bush right now. Time is of the essence and as much as Seokjin would like to skirt around the topic and make nonsense small talk with a clearly busy Namjoon, there are some things he needs to get out of the way.

“Hypothetically,” he begins, then pauses. Before him, Namjoon sits still, patiently waiting for him to continue. He tries again. “What if… what’s the company protocol on… taking a break? For a single member to just… step back for a while?”

It’s clear that this isn’t what Namjoon was expecting. “What do you mean? Do you want to take a break? How long -”

“Just hypothetically,” interrupts Seokjin, feeling his own pulse race in response to Namjoon’s tone. “What would - I mean, how would that conversation go? What would you have to do?”

“Well… I would have to talk to management,” he answers after a moment, and Seokjin can tell he’s struggling not to roll his eyes. “I would have to talk to marketing, to PR, who would analyse the revenue hit, the stock price and a bunch of other things. I would have to discuss it with Production, because a lot of content is in the works already, so if this… hypothetical member wants to take a break, he’s got to be really sure about it,” he finishes ominously, his gaze unmoving.

Seokjin is quiet, the slow realisation hitting him that logic is not what he was looking for right now, and that he’s sought out the wrong member in that case. His palms feel sweaty and he stares at his shoes, feeling his stomach churn painfully.

“But if this hypothetical member really does need a break,” begins Namjoon, startling him a bit, “I can work it out. I just need to know. Hyung, do you?” he asks after a moment, dropping all pretence of hypotheticals.

He sighs, dropping his head in his hands. “I might,” he confesses, feeling like he might throw up.

“Okay. How long are we looking at?” Namjoon asks, tone calm and deliberate. “A week? A month?”

“More like nine,” he mutters, hesitantly meeting his eyes. Seokjin watches with the feeling, once again, of a slow-motion car crash as the words sink in. There’s nothing first, then the registering, then the confusion, then the hope that it’s some sick joke, and then horror.

“When you say -” But Namjoon doesn’t need to finish his sentence, for Seokjin’s expression apparently confirms everything it needs to. His hands fly to his face and he’s in sort of a mid-gasp where he seems to be unable to exhale. It occurs to Seokjin that when Namjoon heard “break”, he possibly thought it was due to tiredness or burnout of some kind.

“Yeah,” he confirms uselessly, feeling, for the first time, a creeping shame throughout his body for he knows he’s putting Namjoon in an unbelievably difficult position, for no fault of his.

“But who -” He doesn’t seem to be able to finish this sentence either.

“Um… it’s - it’s Nari.” He doesn’t add anymore, and something in Namjoon’s eyes seems to soften slightly. He seems as though he wants to ask, but decides against it at the last moment.

“She’s pregnant?” He whispers the words, finally letting a gust of breath out.

“Yeah, most probably.,” he admits, his heart sinking.

“Um… when exactly -”

“About a month and a half ago.” When Namjoon doesn’t respond, probably because the maths checks out, Seokjin shakes his head. “In any case, I need to be with - I mean, I can’t just not -” He breaks off, finding it impossible to explain.

“No, of course,” says Namjoon almost mechanically, his eyes unfocused. He seems to be thinking about a hundred things simultaneously. “I understand. We’ll work it out somehow. I mean, we’ll have to get PR involved - I’m not sure if you’ll be able to keep it a secret - or if you’ll want to,” he backtracks hastily. “But, uh… yeah. And - and I don’t think nine months will cover it,” he adds, giving him a sideways glance.

No, probably not. Feeling sick to his stomach, Seokjin clears his throat. There’s so much he wants to say, to vent, to ask and get off his chest but one look at Namjoon tells him he’s burdened him enough for one day. He’d burst into his studio on a normal Monday to change probably every single plan he’d made for the group for the rest of the year or more, just like Nari had barrelled into his apartment this morning to change his life forever.

“I should go,” he says abruptly, standing up so suddenly that his chair wobbles. “I just - I just wanted to give you a heads up.” Without waiting for a response, he turns around and leaves the studio and the building, making a beeline for the only person he wants to see right now.

When Seokjin is a few minutes away from the hospital, he calls her.

“Can we talk?” he asks, striding up the sidewalk, waiting only for her to respond with an uncertain “Sure, I guess?” before he hangs up. Heart racing but this time with something else, he reaches the entrance to the hospital where he spots her jogging down the stairs.

Nari is in hospital scrubs this time, her hair tied into a higher and tighter ponytail, and her shoulders straighter somehow. She shows none of the anxiety she’d displayed this morning in his apartment, and Seokjin wonders for a moment if this is her preparing to cut a person’s leg off. Still, as she nears him, he sees a hint of nervousness in her eyes and feels a grim sort of satisfaction at the sight.

“Listen, about this morning -”

“Not here.” She turns abruptly to lead him away from the reception, up the stairs and down several corridors until they reach their destination, and she shuts the door behind him. When she switches on the light, a harsh, white tubelight, he’s momentarily speechless.

“You brought me to an on-call room? Are you kidding me?”

“Yeah, the irony isn’t lost on me,” she mutters, shrugging. “But there isn’t anywhere else here that we can get some privacy. And I’m assuming this requires privacy.”

It comes out a bit like a question. Seokjin can’t be sure if this is the exact room in which they’d had sex weeks ago, a spur-of-the-moment mistake, with consequences they should’ve been more responsible about. It had been dark, with nothing but their sense of touch to guide them, warm and soft inside the small room while outside, it poured.

Right now, however, Seokjin can’t reconcile that room with this one, this medically bright room, clean, sterile, a reminder of when their impulses had got the best of them.

“Seokjin?” She breaks him out of his reverie. “What is it? I have surgery in a bit and I need to prep the guy and everything -”

“Okay, I need you to stop talking about surgery for a second,” he interrupts her. “I - I can’t hear about another dead person or a - or a body you’re going to saw in half. Just - please.”

Nari frowns and opens her mouth to respond but apparently changes tacks at the last moment. “What’s going on?”

Namjoon’s face swims in his mind again, his twenty-five year old friend and leader, with the burden of the company on his shoulders while Seokjin could do nothing to help him.

“We need to have a plan. I’m going to tell the company that I need to go on a hiatus,” he announces, his voice dangerously calm. “Or - or Namjoon will, but he said that it can be done if we talk to -”

“Wait.” Nari takes a step forward, her frown deepening into what almost looks like a glare. “You told Namjoon? What the hell, Seokjin?”

And something snaps.

“Of course I told Namjoon!” he exclaims. “This - this changes everything! Not just for me, but for him, for the company, for all the guys! For my parents, for -” He stops abruptly, this thought having only just occurred to him. “This isn’t just your problem, okay? I get to freak out about it, too!”

“But you don’t get to freak out at me!” she shouts back and to his horror, he can see her eyes start to fill with tears. “You think I don’t know that everything is going to change? I’m in the second year of my residency - and now I’ll have to cut back on surgery time, go on maternity leave, probably change specialties. If I’m a single mom in the city, there’s no way I’ll be able to keep this up! My career… it’s over,” she murmurs, taking a step back and looking away, her voice trembling.

“I didn’t -”

“No, you really didn’t. God, you think this is about you?” She sounds scathing now, her voice slicing through him with a fury he’s never heard before. “This is in me! It’s the rest of my fucking life! It’s my - it’s my body! If there are complications, if there’s a surgery, if I fucking die on that table - nothing happens to you! I’m a doctor, you know - I see this shit happen every day.” She shakes her head and scoffs, jabbing a finger in his chest. “You can walk away whenever you want. So, no, you do not get to freak out at me.”

Seokjin stares at her, all thoughts wiped clean from his mind. His conversation with Namjoon feels like a minor inconvenience from ages ago, her fears taking precedence over everything else he’s ever known or cared about.

“You think nothing happens to me if you die on that table?” he asks quietly.

“Fuck you.”

She moves past him to leave, taking care to knock his shoulder with hers, but he grabs her arm to stop her.

“Don’t you dare, Seokjin, I’m not in the mood for your -”

“I’m an arsehole,” he says softly, tugging gently and sighing in relief when she stops. “I’m a complete arsehole and you’re right, okay? About everything. I have no business freaking out.”

Nari doesn’t fight him. She turns around on the spot to face him, her eyes and nose red. “That’s not what I mean,” she mutters miserably, wiping at her eyes and not meeting his gaze. “You’re allowed your reaction, too, but… it’s going to be hard enough telling my parents that I’m pregnant while being single and unmarried, but if I have you blaming me, too, then I don’t know how -”

“Whoa, I don’t blame you,” he interrupts her, holding her shoulders now. “How could I blame you? There were two of us there, two of us who chose to go ahead without a condom.” He’s quiet for a moment. “It wasn’t our finest moment, but we were in it together. We are in it together,” he adds, squeezing her shoulders. “Nari, I swear I’m not going anywhere.”

Nari bites her lip. “Seokjin, you don’t have to say that,” she tells him in a small voice. “You don’t feel that way about me and I can’t hold you to something like this.”

“Forget about that,” he says immediately, shaking his head. “That was completely - I mean, this is -” He swallows and squeezes her shoulders again. “You’re still my best friend, Nari.” And if you’d let me, if you wanted it, too, who knows what else you could be?

But her own words ring in his mind, incongruous and unwelcome, reminding him of truths he’s not sure he’s likely to forget. Seokjin? Mom, there’s just no way.

Her lower lip trembles, and he resolves in his mind that no matter what else might be going on, he will not fail her when it comes to this.

“I’m so scared, Jinnie,” she admits, a tear escaping.

Seokjin’s heart hurts, so much, and he pulls her into his arms without a word. He feels her body shake against his and holds her tighter, his hand on the back of her head, lips against her hair as he tries, tries and fails, to find the words that can make it even slightly better for her.

But it turns out he doesn’t need to say anything at all, for after about a minute of their silent embrace, devoid of anything other than his silent promise to be there no matter what, she sniffs and pulls away slowly.

“Thanks,” she says with a watery smile. “But I, uh… I have -” She gestures awkwardly outside.

“Surgery, yeah.” He nods and steps away, feeling her warm body separate from his. “I’ll meet you at your apartment tonight?”

“Yeah. I get off at eight, so… after that?”

“Done.” There’s a few seconds where they don’t move, staying in the moment of a mutual promise. Then Seokjin steps forward and hugs her again, kissing the side of her head and feeling her arms wrap around his waist.

“For the record,” he murmurs against her hair, “if you die on that table, they’re going to have to try and save two of us because I’m not making it without you.”

—

It’s late afternoon when Seokjin heads to the dorm, and it’s the longest he’s ever gone without a meal. But hunger seems to evade him today, his stomach occupied instead with nerves and stress so strong that it’s beginning to physically hurt.

He enters the living room, simultaneously glad yet slightly disappointed to find it empty. He flops down onto the leather couch and drops his head on the back, feeling more tired than ever as his future swims before him, completely unknown.

“Hyung?”

Seokjin looks up, a bit startled, to see Namjoon coming out of the hallway, in his hand a backpack. “Hey,” he says hoarsely, not moving. “I thought you were at the studio all day.”

“I was. I mean, I am.” He holds up the backpack. “Just came to pick up some stuff.”

Seokjin doesn’t respond, not even when Namjoon walks over and gingerly takes a seat next to him.

“How are you doing?” he asks lightly.

“Fabulous.” His eyelids feel heavy, but he doesn’t think he can fall asleep for several days now.

“And Nari?”

Seokjin doesn’t respond. There’s a frustration bubbling within him, a low simmering frustration at how he’s lately been managing to constantly say the wrong to her. He hates it; it feels cheap and cowardly and thoroughly undeserving of her.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon,” he says after a moment, still unmoving as he stares at the ceiling. “For doing this. I know it’s going to be a lot of trouble for you.”

“Stop it, hyung,” chides Namjoon gently. “You know you have nothing to apologise for. It’s your life.”

“Yeah, but it’s your job.” He finally looks at the younger member, wondering how many more people he’s going to need to apologise to. “You sounded troubled before and… I get it.”

“Well… sure,” he replies slowly. “I have to have certain priorities. But they don’t have to be your priorities,” he tells him. “You should really only have one priority right now.”

I do. He realises then that it’s true. All other worries aside, there’s only one thing that’s non-negotiable to him, and she’d been crying in his arms less than a couple of hours ago.

“Have you ever been in one of these situations? Like, a pregnancy scare?”

“With Kaya? No.” He pauses. “She’s on the pill.”

“What if she forgets to take it?”

“She’s not the type to forget stuff like that. Actually, she is,” he amends, “if she’s busy. But… not with this.”

It doesn’t help. Namjoon seems to realise it, for he sighs. “Obviously, I don’t know what you’re both going through right now, but… you don’t have to worry about anything else. Not the management stuff or anything. I’ll take care of it.”

Seokjin can’t seem to find the right words to express what that means to him, so he simply nods and pats Namjoon’s knee.

“You and Nari,” he begins, then pauses. “Were you… are you dating?”

“No. It’s just been a few times,” answers Seokjin in a low voice. “God, I can’t believe how stupid we were.”

“Cut yourself some slack, hyung. Everyone makes mistakes.”

He scoffs quietly. “Hell of a mistake.” He shakes his head, the same feeling of shame rising up in him again. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he mutters.

Namjoon hesitates. “Which part?”

“Everything.” Seokjin sighs. “A year ago, Nari and I made a pact. We were drinking and fooling around, but… we decided that if we were still single when we turned thirty, we’d give it a try. Give us a try,” he clarifies.

“Oh.” He nods. “You still have a couple years to go.” When he doesn’t respond, Namjoon nudges him gently. “Come on, hyung. You said it yourself - you two were drinking and everything. People say stupid shit when they’re drunk.”

“Yeah, but even that drunken pact was more of a plan than this,” insists Seokjin. “We would’ve been thirty, we would be dating like normal people, I’d be back after enlistment… and then we’d move forward with our lives.”

“Hyung,” he begins after a moment, and Seokjin can tell he’s trying to be delicate. “I know it isn’t the ideal situation, but… I don’t know, isn’t it better that it’s with Nari at least? Over some random girl that you may have dated but didn’t know very well?”

Seokjin opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. Isn’t it better that it’s Nari? It’s not a thought that’s crossed his mind thus far, the idea that having a baby out of wedlock with Nari is somehow preferable to having it with someone else. It’s been the most shameful part in his mind, the thought of irrevocably changing the most important relationship in his life. His childhood best friend, his lifelong constant, now quite possibly the mother of his child. For the first time, it doesn’t automatically fill him with dread.

He pictures it, the unknown future now taking shape. Nari, her skin glowing and her belly swollen with his child. Nari, on a hospital bed, sweaty and happy as she cradles their newborn in her arms. Nari, right beside him as they watch a toddler take its first steps, the pride and euphoria almost making him choke.

It’s Nari. It always would be.

Seokjin exhales shakily, his chest loosening up just slightly, just a pinch, and for the first time all day, he feels hungry.

“What if she did forget?” he asks after a moment, almost hopefully. “Kaya. If she forgot to take her pill… if it was you in this situation?”

Namjoon is quiet for a few seconds. “It wouldn’t be ideal,” he admits, shrugging. “But there’s no question. I’d do whatever she wants.”

—

At eight pm that night, Seokjin goes to Nari’s apartment, half a block away from the hospital. He hopes she’s home; there’s a very good chance that either her surgery ran long or she got pulled into another one or she just fell asleep somewhere and lost track of time. Given that it’s been almost forty-eight hours since she last got a proper night’s sleep, he really hopes she’s home.

And the other thing, of course.

He rings the doorbell with a shaky determination, anxious but certain of what he wants. When she opens the door and gives him a small smile, stepping aside to let him in, he prepares himself for it.

“Do you have it?” he asks. She nods in response, holding up a folded sheet of paper. “Okay,” he says, licking his lips and nodding back. “Okay. Nari, listen. Before we look at it, I just need to say something.”

Nari tilts her head and gives him that same small, forced smile. “Seokjin, I know. I know you’ll be there.”

“No, it’s not that. Can you just -” He pulls her gently by the hand and guides her to the armchair, silently requesting her to sit down. When she obliges, he kneels before her, his heart racing again.

“Look, I know I haven’t been… I mean, I’ve been a bit of a dick the last few days and I’ve been apologising for something or the other constantly,” he begins, spotting a hint of amusement in her eyes and feeling heartened. “But… I meant what I said today, Nari,” he says, squeezing her warm hands between his own. “I’m going to be right here with you, through everything. Whatever you decide.”

Nari swallows. “Even if I choose to…” She trails off, but it’s enough for him.

“Even if you choose to,” he confirms. “And even if you don’t. Doctor’s appointments, midnight cravings, diaper changes… everything. You can move in,” he offers. “Save on rent, more space, more help. My career is a lot more flexible than yours - you don’t have to give anything up.”

Her lower lip is trembling again. “Do you really mean that?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this serious about anything in my entire life. I think I might pass out from the seriousness.”

She chuckles and his heart leaps. “Thanks.” Her thumb strokes the back of his hand lightly. Seokjin wonders if it would be inappropriate to kiss her right now; just a peck on the lips, more out of comfort than anything else. Before he can consider it, however, she reaches for the folded paper and Seokjin realises he’d forgotten why he’d come over in the first place.

“You ready?” she asks, sitting on the edge of the chair.

Seokjin nods, moving backwards to sit adjacent to her on her mismatched sofa. He clasps his hands together, his chest going back to contracting painfully as she slowly unfolds the sheet, a medical-looking document with the hospital logo on the top right corner.

He watches as her eyes scan the sheet, clearly making sense of numbers and results he has no idea about. Then her face goes slack and she exhales, her breath coming out raggedly.

“Oh, my God,” she whispers, and her mouth starts trembling again.

“Nari, it’s okay, I -”

“I’m not pregnant.”

“- will be - what?”

Nari lowers the sheet of paper and tilts it towards him. “My hCG levels are completely normal. They’re normal,” she repeats, although it seems more to herself than him. She stands up and drops the paper, ignoring it fluttering down on the coffee table.

“They’re normal,” she murmurs again, rubbing her hands over her face. “They’re normal, they’re normal - yes, yes, yes - yes!” She lets out a shaky, relieved laugh, pumping her fist in the air. “I’m not pregnant - fuck, yeah! Oh, thank God, I was so worried…”

Seokjin watches her, a continuation of the car crash he can’t help but watch, much as he’d like to turn away. His own anxiety is gone, too, and he waits for the relief - but it never quite comes. The anxiety is gone, taking everything else with it, too, and leaving behind a strange emptiness.

He watches her, trying to ignore the irrational disappointment he can feel deep in stomach. She doesn’t seem to notice at first, still marvelling at their luck, at their near miss. It isn’t until she turns around with the same relieved smile, the one making her face brighter than the sun, to see his own expression, and her smile fades.

“No…” Nari shakes her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just - I mean, this is a good thing, right? Now nothing has to change,” she explains, a different sort of uncertainty in her voice this time. “I really appreciate that you wanted to step up and - and I’m sure it would’ve been…” She swallows, and a small frown appears on her forehead. “Seokjin, come on… I mean, you didn’t want this either.”

Not trusting himself to speak, Seokjin nods. It doesn’t matter, he realises. It doesn’t matter that he’d pictured Nari holding their child or Nari living with him or Nari coming home to him every day - Nari didn’t want any of that. There’s just no way. It finally hits home.

“Yeah,” he manages, forcing a smile that he’s sure she can see through. He stands up, needing to be anywhere but here. “I’m - I’m happy for you, Nari,” he murmurs honestly, unable to meet her eyes for longer than a second. He is, it’s true. She’d said it herself: this was not about him. She’s got her life back, and Seokjin has got yet another confirmation of where they stand.

“Jinnie, I didn’t mean it like that,” she starts to say, but he’s already on his way to the door. “You don’t have to take a break now,” she blurts out. “You can go on tour next year, just like you planned.”

Good news for Namjoon, he supposes. “Yeah, you’re right,” he says softly. There’s nothing more to say - he can see that on her face as well. She looks confused, hurt - and somewhat knowing. But Seokjin doesn’t think he can take any more today.

“Take care, Nari.” Tearing his eyes away from her tall, familiar form, he steps out of her apartment and shuts the door behind him.

—

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

#seokjin x oc #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfic #thebtswritersclub #btshoneyhive #bangtanwhq #bangtantheatrenet #bangtanbathhouse #k-vanity #wkcnet #bangtanoasis #hyunglinenetwork #micdropnet #bts jin fanfic #bts jin angst

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glamgoblin · 14 days

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tagged by @upbycandlelight to share my five most repeated/don't skip songs atm! ty for tagging me!

Never be Lonely - Cascada, new Cascada music in the year 2024??? of course this has been on repeat

youtube

2. Masterpiece - Motionless in White, we all knew there was going to be a miw song in here

youtube

3. True Blue - Boygenius (it gives me feels okay!)

youtube

4. History - Joel Corry, this man releases nothing but bangers!

youtube

5. Sleeping In - Postal Service, a happysad vibe!

youtube

Bonus! Inside Out - Eve 6, this has been back in heavy rotation recently fr!

youtube

tagging (if you want) @soyellowcurtainsthen @loveable-sea-lemon and @ella-norah

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lightscamerabitchsmileee · 4 months

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Vote for your fave, reblog and share your thoughts and let me know your other faves on and off this list I would love to hear it ☺️☺️

Merry Christmas and have fun ☺️☺️ also check my Classic & Modern Christmas songs polls ☺️☺️

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gcddamnvampire · 8 months

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( okay bc tumblr is being a butt, this is what i currently have queued and in my drafts. if I'm missing something, please let me know. <33 )

@dozenzofrozez

maxwell & scarlett

kennedy & onyx

@mccntower

lydia & ace

jackson & leanne

harley & iridescent

@vicletnight

parker & trenton

elliot & iris

taylor & saige

grace & river

@siiinfully

malachi & eve

@foolishonewriting

elliot && adelaide

regina & harper

dylan & hadley

norah & carter

roxanne & diego

tbd & sophie

vittoria & elle

ismail & tabitha

dallas & rose

levi & chloe

cameron & nathan

james & matilda

charles & jasmine

savannah & james

jackson & daisy

sebastain & aurora

kathryn & isabelle

@emeraldhazes

serenity & rhea

@popcultr

tbh & riley

@mantlehold

rosalie & regina

@desiredisgvst

james & freya

@dishonaesty

james & bianca

@sinistersxns

river & loren

@twistxdtales

brooklyn & emin

@hxtties

yesenia & raul

cassandra & stefan

@mndstom

cheyenne & chloe

phillip & lydia

elliot & maia

charles & naeun

@everyoneisagame

angelica & felix

@bloomswilds

yesenia & alberto

malachi & aubree

@thewolfruns

shiloh & salem

@everettandersonandmuses

norah & everett

@blushdrunks

tbd & natasha

charles & erin

javier & jocelyn

@troobelliever2ndgig

valeria & tyler

dallas & tyler

@cruelangcls

xiamara & blair

@somebrokenfate

sebastian & shay

jacob & maggie

@purehoneybees

bianca & dennis

@thewxnderer

olivia & brenton

@talesfromthevoiid

valeria & dani

@fangsandmagic

riley & nicola

@loyaltybroken

samuel & isabelle

grace & yvonne

@camilish

brooklyn & michael

@huntrcssqueen

sebastian & skylar

phoenix & sebastian

norah & austin

elliot & willow

brooklyn & reid

william & taylor

hope & jacob

georgia & nathaniel

jackson & kassandra

giovanni & phoenix

wesley & liliana

jacob & bridget

micah & elizabeth

naomi & joshua

@missmvrder

kennedy & declan

maxwell & shiloh

@tearfest

nathaniel & penelope

@seolinah

samuel & liz

@lellarps

tbh & cassian

@bitemescftly

theodore & anna

@agentwicked

savannah & alastair

@lostxones

micah & carsyn

@headofrdi

xiamara & rick

evelyn & rick

@whileurmine

olivia & liam

tbd & santiago

tbh & johnny

cameron & nash

georgia & xander

@intcxications

charles & kat

@mysteryoflovc

shiloh & freddie

#( there are stars in your dark side brighter than the sun; ooc )#( this took forever omfg )

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saint-0wen · 2 years

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Bealtaine Customs

Bealtaine is almost here!

Bealtaine (bee-YAL-tin-eh) is the ancient Irish fire festival that starts the night of April 30th- Oíche Bealtaine- and is celebrated May 1- Lá Bealtaine (though festivities can last longer). Bealtaine marks the beginning of summer. In modern Irish Catholic tradition, May is celebrated as the month of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

These quatations are all pulled from the dúchas.ie folklore collection. To learn more, go to https://duchas.ie

Significance of Fire

The ashes was never put out on May Day long ago.

-Mrs. French, Co. Mayo

A central theme of Bealtaine is fire, as it is with all the Irish fire festivals. On the eve of the holiday, all fires were put out. A central fire was lit at the heart of the island, which spread throughout:

On May Eve the Druids lit the great sacred fire at Tara and as the signal flames rose up high in the air and then a fire is to kindled on every hill in Erin; till the whole island is on fire with fires.

-Patrick Healy Co. Galway

A similar tradition has been revived at the Hill of Uisneach.

Having a bonfire and spreading the light from that central point would be a great way to honor the sacredness of fire and celebrate Bealtaine.

Back then, people would also guide their cattle through two bonfires at Bealtaine, to cleanse and bless them for good health and abundance. Speaking of cattle...

Protecting Cattle

The people also tie a piece of red cloth on each cows' tail. This they tie on in the morning before letting them out. They do this to prevent the fairies from taking the cow's milk. Sometimes they tie a horse-shoe-nail or "táirgne crúth" in the cow's tails

-Mrs. Nora Maloney, Co. Mayo

On May Eve now people sprinkle Easter water on all the crops, cattle etc. and on the boundary fence. Perhaps this is apart from it's religious aspect a survival of the old dread of 'pishogues' when people dreaded harm to their crops and cattle.

Long ago the people went out on May morning and blessed the cow with a lighting candle.

-Patrick Lally, Co. Galway

And while we're talking about protection...

Yellow Flowers- Festive Protection

In years gone by the people used to throw a primrose in the byre door so that the fairies would not take away the milk from the cows for the year. It was at May eve that they threw this primrose in the byre door.

-William J Mc Laughlin

It is the custom for children to pick May flowers or Marsh marigolds on the last evening in April. These they throw on the doorstep or on the windowsill.

-Mrs. Norah Maloney, Co. Mayo

The first of May is called May Day or (Lá Bealtaine). On the eve of this feast the children gather may-flowers and place them on the window sills of the houses.

-P. Mc Closkey

"Cow-slips were hung on the door that day to bring good luck for the year."

-Martin Costello, Co. Mayo

Try hanging up yellow flowers at your doors and windowsills for protection and good luck! If don't have any flowers, don't worry. There's another way to welcome in good luck...

May Day Dew

It is also said that if you get up early on that morning and wash your face with the dew on the grass you will be healthy during the year.

-Collected by Anthony Clark

They washed their faces in the dew on May morning before the sun rose and and they would not get sunburned again for the year.

- Mrs. French, Co. Mayo

If a person wanted to preserve their beauty , they would have to get up one hour before sun-rise and wash their face in dew off the grass on May morning.

-Collected by Amy Gilligan, Co. Mayo

That's all well and good, but there is something more sinister that May morning dew is useful for...

Baneful Butter Stealing

Long ago, on May morning, lots of old woman went out in the morning before the sun arose and swept the dew of the grass by pulling a long rope after them and calling, "Come all to me, come all to me.” This was a kind of witchcraft, taking away butter of other people’s milk.

-Collected by Rudy Stronge, Co. Donegal

It is also believed if one goes out early and milks the neighbour's cow, they will be able to get all the butter from that cow's milk so they will have double the supply while their neighbour will not get any.

Long ago on May morning some people used pull three ribs from the cow's tail and take clay from her hoofs and bring it home. Then that person would have butter from the cows she did this to and the person to whom the cows belonged would have none after churning.

-Michael Costello, Co. Mayo

Some women used get a twig of mountain ash and put it under the churn on May Day and so get all the butter from her neighbours churn, on condition that she said she wanted the butter from her neighbours churn while making her own.

-Mrs. Butler, Co. Mayo

While I don't condone butter theft, Bealtaine seems to be the right time to do it. Let's look at another way to celebrate!

The May Bush

On May day morning, children get a small haw-thorn bush or at least a branch of one on which there is haw-thorn in bloom. On this bush they tie all kinds of coloured ribbons, papers, tinsel or other decorations left after the Xmas decorations till it is a gorgeous sight.

-Collected by Joan Martin

While hawthorn is the traditional tree chosen for the May bush, it's important to remember that the Irish tradition states to never ever bring hawthorn indoors.

This quote's sort of a miscellaneous one, but I thought it was interesting.

On May Night long ago the people used to leave a cake and a jug of milk on the table because they thought the Irish who were buried in America and other countries used come home on that night and visit their own home. Another old custom was to leave the doors unlocked that night. They considered it unlucky to give butter or milk way to any person on May Day as they would be giving away their luck. No stables were to be cleaned out on that day. The first person to go to the well in the morning was supposed to have luck for the rest of the year. It is not right to give money to anyone on that day. But if you get money on that day you will be getting it for the year."

-Mrs. Joyce, Co. Mayo

Ah, can't forget the ancestors. Or the diaspora! ;)

An incredibly common tradition I saw while scrolling through dúchas (I really recommend you do it yourself! They have everything!) was that milk, coals, salt, money, or really anything isn't to be given away at Bealtaine, or you'll lose something for yourself. Something supernatural about Bealtaine surpasses the Irish tradition of hospitality. This to me really highlights a theme of abundance. Welp, that's all I have for now!

🌼☀️Beannachtaí na Bealtaine oraibh!☀️🌼

#bealtaine #beltane #pagan #witchcraft #witches #irish paganism #folklore #folk witch #paganism #irish folklore #witchyvibes #pagan witch #witch community #witch tips #witchcraft 101 #folk magic #wheel of the year

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foxprints · 1 year

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🎶 When the bells all ring and the horns all blow

And the couples we know are fondly kissing

Will I be with you or I will be among the missing.

Maybe it just too early in the game

Ah but I thought I'd ask you just the same

What are you doing New Year's

New Year's Eve.

...

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose

I'd ever be the one you chose

Out of a thousand invitations

You received.

Ah but in case I stand a little chance

Here comes the jackpot question in advance

What are you doing New Year's

New Year's Eve. 🎶

'What are you doing new year's eve?' by Norah Jones

My gift for @cassiesinsanity for the 2022 @leverage-secret-santa-exchange ! So glad to see that others enjoy the soft dynamic between these two as much as I do! Hope your holidays were merry and bright!!

#leverage #leverage: redemption #sophie devereaux #harry wilson #sophie x harry #fanart #gift exchange #gift

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desktopdisko · 1 month

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Desktop Disko's A-Rotation Top 50 (2024 #05)

Youtube Musicvideo Playlist: DD's A-Rotation Playlist 2024 #05

01 Grace Cummings: On and On 02 Ão: More 03 Phoebe Go: 7 Up 04 Luna Shadows: Little Rituals 05 Abigail Rose: Run Girl 06 Sevana: Keep Going - Chosen 07 Yard Act feat. Katy J. Pearson: When the Laughter Stops 08 Depeche Mode: Before We Drown 09 Kali Uchis & Peso Pluma: Igual que un Ángel 10 Drahla: Default Parody

11 Still Corners: The Dream 12 Another Sky: I Never Had Control 13 The Mysterines: Stray 14 Bolis Pupul with Salah Pupul: Ma Tau Wai Road 15 Magnets: Speak 16 Purple Disco Machine x ÁSDÍS: Beat of Your Heart 17 Dua Lipa: Training Season 18 Kacey Musgraves: Deeper Well 19 Rachel Chinouriri: Never Need Me 20 Raven Numan: My Reflection

21 Amatorski: 20/04 22 Ibibio Sound Machine: Got to Be Who U Are 23 Sunday (1994): Tired Boy 24 Britti: Lullaby 25 Lo Moon: Water 26 The Lemon Twigs: My Golden Years 27 Kevin Holliday: Brown Eyes 28 Dua Lipa: Houdini 29 Yard Act: We Make Hits 30 St. Vincent: Broken Man

31 Maggie Rogers: Don't Forget Me 32 Vampire Weekend: Capricorn 33 ISE: Goodbye Letter (NEW) 34 The Beatles: Now and Then 35 Jessica Pratt: Life Is 36 Lauren Eve Scheff: Nothing to Prove 37 Beth Gibbons: Floating on a Moment 38 Billy Joel: Turn the Lights Back On 39 Norah Jones: Running 40 Rosie Frater-Taylor: Give & Take

41 Bat for Lashes: The Dream of Delphi 42 Low Hum: Only If You Say So 43 Novastar: Look at You Now 44 DellaXOZ: Don't Do It 45 And They Spoke in Anthems: Leave (Leave, Leave) 46 The Last Dinner Party: Caesar on a TV Screen 47 English Teacher: Albert Road 48 Caroline Polachek feat. Weyes Blood: Butterfly Net 49 Juliet Ivy: We're All Eating Each Other (NEW) 50 Leona Naess: Tailspin

Out >>> arChive List The Blinders: Swallowing Static Bwana: Lonely Happy

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 2 years

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why are romantic relationships in fiction SO fixated on kissing kissing kissing lips tongue clothes hips walk et cetera I'm sick of it

where are the real good romantic things

like gilbert finding anne an apple tree, wally finding himself speechless at the thought of the bull charging norah, thornton catching margaret after the stone was thrown, anne fetching gilbert a blanket after he falls asleep on the sofa, norah hotfooting it to brisbane to be by wally's side, darcy making a match between two he hates for the sake of elizabeth, bingley opening his home to ensure jane's condition isn't worsened, ryuu apologising to dûyen even though it wasn't entirely his fault, alison releasing ewen to war on the eve of their marriage, ken agreeing to ride carey's horse not his own

where are things like these in mainstream romantic fiction

#personal #fed up atm for some reason

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culpepper-pals · 1 year

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Time to see what spring has in store for the Villareals! They currently live at 6-4-1 Hanamigawa in Mount Komorebi.

A reminder of what the family got up to in Winter 3:

Winter got off to an unusual start for the Villareals, with Marnie heading out on an expedition to the top of Mt Komorebi. Despite the less than optimal conditions, and terrifying heights, Marnie and her squad made it to the summit. Once back home, life settled down a little – Luna continued to work at her job in fashion, Marnie went for several hikes, and they celebrated Joslyn’s birthday. Winterfest passed with the usual piles of presents and a massive family gathering. Joslyn was introduced to skiing, and the entire family made wishes at the festival of light. The season ended on a sad note, however, as Norah passed away a few hours before midnight on New Year’s Eve.

#culpepper pals #spring 4: villareal #sims 4 #ts4

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pandagirl45 · 1 year

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Every time I hear this song, I think about Tomy and Ultron home, bucky away on a mission (depending on the au). It'd been almost a month and the holidays are right around the corner. Ultron sleeping every night with Tony on the couch. Waiting by the window for his papa to come home. Tony stopped getting messages after a while. Asking the other team members if they know Bucky eta. Steve trying to comfort Tony and ultron, but both just want the other part of their family home.

It is the night before christmas eve. Tony holding ultron, "He'll be home soon."

"What if he doesnt... he isn't a plant..., he can't come back..."

Tony can't promise he will be back, the worry gnawing at him hugging ultron tight, looking out the window.

The day of Christmas eve, Tony waiting for a call. Ultron excited squealing as the sound of the car pulling up. Tony pulling open the door seeing Bucky tired but happy. Ultron running to him and Tony welcoming him home.

(JUST FUCKING HAS ME ALL SORTS OF AAAAAA!! I wrote this while this song was playing. F me! *table flips screaming*)

#tony stark #bucky barnes #winteriron #his name is ultron stark #avengers ultron #ultron is their child #marvel au #drabbles #tw angst #song based #got me weeping and screaming #Spotify

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krispyweiss · 1 year

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youtube

Norah Jones Reads “The Elf on the Shelf’s Night before Christmas”

Kids today.

They don’t know how good they have it.

In Sound Bites’ day, after walking uphill both ways to school and back in the cold rain and snow, we came home to books. No iPads. No iPhones. Just words on a page.

Maybe pictures.

And if we were lucky, some creepy uncle reeking of whisky and cigarettes might read us a story.

But today’s kids have it easy.

After getting off the warm bus, they can come home and snuggle up with their tablet where Norah Jones will read to them. In this case, she’s reading “The Elf on the Shelf’s Night before Christmas,” a 21st-century twist on a 19th-century classic.

Snug in her own home, surrounded by instruments, Jones reads the tale. And when she stumbles over a word or two, she just keeps going. No second takes - just charming imperfections that make this Christmas Eve tradition a joy for kids of all ages.

12/24/22

#Youtube #norah jones #the elf on the shelf’s night before christmas

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