neither a friendly reminder nor an unfriendly reminder but a secret third thing:

a heartfelt plea to all my fellow fans, but especially bg3 fans, and especially especially those who might be relatively new to fandom as a concept.

please treat your fellow fans as fellow fans.

i don't care how big of a blog they have, how incredible you think their writing is, their art is, their edits or their meta or what-have-you are. the moment you designate them as a "content creator" in your mind, the moment you place them higher than you in some horrible, made-up fandom hierarchy, you've lost. we've all lost.

the social contract of fandom is equality. it's community. we're all neighbors bringing dishes to each other's potlucks and sharing notes and encouraging each other.

i know it probably feels like venerating them is doing them a favor, is showing them how incredible they are to you, but it's not. it's putting them on a pedestal that precludes them from actually participating in the community that makes us thrive.

Or the third one lol

"I just want you to be ok"

A L L I K N O W I S P A I N 😭

ramon waking up to hang out with pac.. WHAT IF I CRIED!!!!

the kid who used to only wake up for fit now has many people he'd wake up/stay awake for. him chilling with mike yesterday. waking up for pac today. the times hes chilled with bbh or tubbo recently. god. GOD. that kid went from it just being him and fit to having such a big family aufhh

if you as a fic reader ever become possessed by the urge to do a popularity bracket with the fics other people wrote and shared for fun and for free, consider:

don't ❤️ 

everytime I return to my outline and see a ganondorf scene I automatically go "no babygirl nooooo 😭😭😭", even though all of these scenes being about a huge angry man doing war crimes/the consequences of having done war crimes

episode 5 has left me considering the different - and similar - ways taeyoung and kwonsook think about themselves, and how they respond to pain/violence.

kwonsook calls herself a monster, someone who goes crazy in the boxing ring. that monster, she says, was created by her father, and her father used abuse, violence, and emotional manipulation to create that monster. he didn’t treat her like human, so it’s no surprise that the way she talks about herself when she boxes is as if she’s discussing an animal: she gets cornered, gets scared for her life, and lashes out to kill. she calls herself a monster with resignation; it’s not what she wanted to be, but she knows it’s what she was. she ran away to escape that monstrosity, to live as a human, doing good things, but that part of her never really died.

taeyoung, too, calls himself a monster. he’s a SOB, he does thing no one with an ounce of humanity would do. he seemingly has no qualms about what he does, perhaps because he can always justify it to himself, always has an exit prepared for when things really get bad (until, i’m sure, he doesn’t). like kwonsook, taeyoung accepts the label of monster, accepts his own inhumanity, even if they are inhuman in very different ways. whereas kwonsook wants to break away from that monstrous part of her - she’s only returned so she can free herself from that part of herself permanently (and if she finds a way to box without a monster, then...) - taeyoung embraces it. it’s through being a monster that he’s found success, how he secures futures for his athletes, and how he’s able to ‘solve’ their (and his) issues. monstrosity was not imposed on taeyoung, but (due to what we know so far) is something he chose for himself (although the factors surrounding this part of his past are decidedly murky).

in this episode, taeyoung and kwonsook also demonstrate similar responses to violence and (emotional) pain. when taeyoung upsets kwonsook by working with her father behind her back, he offers her an outlet for her anger by punching him. later on, after ahreum has already slapped kwonsook, instead of lashing out, kwonsook offers to let ahreum hit her again if it will make her feel better. in parallel responses, both ahreum and kwonsook debate taking that opportunity to hurt, but decide not to (kwonsook because she’s taking a chance on taeyoung, or moreso giving him another one, and ahreum because she decides that she doesn’t owe kwonsook that, that kwonsook is beneath her in terms of boxing, no longer on her level). 

kwonsook learned to respond to pain at a young age. in boxing, you can’t flinch from the hit - you have to learn how to take the pain, absorb it, and get back up to hit again. outside of the rink, kwonsook absorbs the pain, but she doesn’t hit again. she’s experienced firsthand what her hits can do to people, and that terrified her. after all, she only boxed so that she could protect her mother. so when confronted with violence and pain, she takes the hit, because pain is what she knows and understands. it’s the emotions behind it that are hard for her. pain is easy for kwonsook, because she’s used to living through it, surviving it; beneath it, she’s always empty. she’s never really cared about boxing; it was what she had to do. the lee kwonsook that was a boxing genius was a monster she ran from, after all. but in order to break away from that monster, she has to come to understand the emotional investment of her fellow female boxers. before, they were just her opponents, never her friends, but now she has to face their own feelings about the sport, the passion they have for boxing that she never felt. like ara said, she didn’t feel happiness about winning, and kwonsook has never lost, so she’s never had to live with that humiliation, either. how her feelings will change in relation to boxing will likely be a reckoning for her.

taeyoung, on the other hand, is confronting his fair share of non-boxing sanctioned boxing. even though kwonsook is the boxer, it’s taeyoung who’s been touched by ‘true’ violence in this present timeline. his life is quite literally on the line, which has been shown again and again. he’s been ambushed by her father, threatened, blackmailed, and beaten up by chairman nam’s guys. he lives on the edge, anxious at every shadow, which is chewing him alive. to him, kwonsook’s anger is much easier to deal with. he knows she might hurt him, but his potential to hurt her is so much more (and if he does, in that case he’d find her anger justified, and probably let her beat him to death or something if what we’ve seen of his feelings for her is an indication of anything), and she might hurt him, but she’d never hurt him as much as other people in his life at the moment would (i.e. by killing him, or hurting the people he cares about). taeyoung is used to weathering the storm of other people’s dislike; he’s the scumbag, and he does bad things, deserves other people’s anger when it’s directed at him. 

both taeyoung and kwonsook want to resolve things through violence. i think it’s telling that despite being two emotionally aware people, they both consider other people’s feelings to be so easily taken care of. they want the quick, instant pain, and then they want to get it over with. because the violence is what they’re used to, and to a degree it’s what they both think they deserve. however, what lies beneath that, what doesn’t go away with a single hit, is much harder for them to confront and understand. 

what would alt mark do if he encountered og gabriel?

Hands would be thrown. Shit would get fucked up. All I know is that the town will absolutely be destroyed by the end of it.

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 12: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should rest for the night in an abandoned barn ...

~

Somewhat nervous about being out in the woods alone at night, he decides to try finding a more hidden sleeping spot, further off from the path. Though with his injuries, and his exhaustion, he knows he shouldn't walk too far. He tells himself that he'll just adventure a little, only an hour or so, and if he can't find anything better by then, he'll just give up and set a tent in some bushes somewhere......

After 30 minutes, he finally stumbles across an old barn. He can't see it very well with just a trickle of moonlight and the dull glow of his flickering lantern, but it seems to have not been used for many years. Structurally sound enough (at least he hopes), yet shrouded in moss and blankets of various overgrowth.. It takes a few moments to pluck away all of the ivy blocking his path, but he soon closes the rickety doors behind him to focus on the interior. There's no space to light a fire or set up a real tent, and he'll have to block a few holes in the walls so wild animals don't sneak in, but, there are a few surprisingly clear looking sections scattered amongst all the musty hay bales and cobwebs. He chooses a "cozy" spot in the corner, hidden behind a few dusty crates. Though he tosses about uncomfortably in his bedding for quite a while, he's eventually able to fall into a peaceful sleep.….....

.. Suddenly, he's startled awake by rustling, catching a dark blurred movement in front of him. He's smart enough to always sleep wearing his backpack over his chest so nobody could just grab it without him noticing, but it seems for the first time in all his travels... someone is actually trying to. Still half asleep, he clings to the bag and yelps, pushing and tumbling away into a moldy wooden barrel after an initial struggle. He pulls himself up to face the hooded figure now looming above him, entirely obscured aside from their vague cloak-ish shape outlined by the faint moonlight behind them.. The Adventurer calls out in a shaky attempt at an aggressive tone, "Wh-wh.. whAT are YOU DOIng? WHo-whu..UHHH??? aahhhG" "Give me the bag." The hooded figure speaks in a smooth, stern, yet calm voice, slowly taking a step forwards. The cat scrambles to The Adventurer's side, hissing and giving a low growl.. "w-WELL , uh,, sORRY , n-NO , I would rrrather not DO THAT, I h-- I uh-- I don't have even anythi- I don't even have ANYTHING, I mea- wh-wh HWaAt d-do I look RICH to you?? EUggh-" he gulps loudly, holding back nervous vomit, "B-BACK OFF!! you-.. f- uh.. THIEF!!!!!" The hooded figure pauses for a moment, as if re-strategizing how to approach the situation. "Look, kid, I don't want to hurt you. But I need you to give me that egg." "WHWh-what egg? I-I don.. DON'T have an EGG, I'm uh…aCTUALLY a-allergic to eggs, s-sso-" "The egg that's in a wooden box. In your bag. Don't waste your time bullshitting me.. Come on, let's make this quick." The hooded figure extends their arm, motioning to be handed the egg. Still desperately fighting not to throw up everywhere, The Adventurer simply sits on the floor, staring up at the hooded figure blankly as he tries to think.. Is he seriously being robbed for the first time? Is that like, a cool milestone, or a bad one? He's read about it in adventuring books before but... the reality feels so much different.. How can he get out of this? Strategies scatter through his mind, but he's too shaken to find any clear answers.. What should he do?

-

Additional Information

the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

FILL ME UP

POUR ME OUT

WASH HER NAME OUT OF MY MOUTH

I AM READY TO BE CLEAN

BURN MY LUNGS AND SHE WAS GONE

LONG BEFORE THE LIGHTS WENT ON

GOD I HOPE SHE'S DONE WITH ME

DO YOU BEG?

DO YOU PRAY?

TELL ME HOW YOU GET AWAY

FROM THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD

I AM LOST

I'VE BEEN DONE

LONG BEFORE THE LIGHTS WENT ON

SOMEONE PLEASE PUT ME TO BED

Cause I-

I AM NOT WELL

𝚛𝚒𝚔𝚞'𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝟸 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚜!

Prisoner 009, Kuroki Riku, is officially voted..

Guilty! (72.7%)

72.7%?? when i went "haha i can see that there's six votes i sure hope it doesn't end in a tie" i didn't expect him to get more than like. 51% guilty 😭😭 i guess that's it, riku.. miki really did mean it when she said her forgiveness has limits..

but yes, he would get voted guilty canonically, so i'm prepared 👍 this guy is.. not gonna take his verdict well though.

not to be morbid on main but my life is so strange every day i'm fighting with my inner suicidal child trying to convince her to stay alive out of spite for our enemies

it has been nagging and Nagging me (to the point that i may have to get off my ass and do it my own damn self (ugh)) that i haven't yet seen a john and emily au. like please. PLEASE imagine all the ways that could go

I’m sooo haunted by what you said abt Tor being referred to as the son of Ares and it reminds me of this scene in the perlesvaus where after Arthur (who is kinda likeable in this text??) learns abt the circumstances surrounding his birth, he takes on the persona of Arthur of Tintagiles . it’s not textually explicit but I like to think it’s bc he’s disowning his father :))

I could talk about Tor forever. The implications of his origins and how he is portrayed during subsequent events? Like he is “Son of Ares” on a technicality—he was dubbed before Merlin revealed Pellinore as his sire (one of his many hilarious “a wizard is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to” goofs…) so Tor’s stuck with that title.

However everyone breaks the rules so you mean to tell me he just… kept a title he didn’t identify with? Not likely. I could go on about the titles different knights have but I digress. The essay nobody asked for lol

Anyway Arthur good???? I’ve heard people discussing this text but haven’t read it myself I’m intrigued! I choose to believe in some universe Arthur does disown U*her. He should really lean in and be Arthur FitzIgraine, just cut the man and the place of his birth out entirely. C’mon Arthur you can do it! I’d love other details to support it like Merlin speaking positively on Arthur’s line of succession and he’s like… “Let me not be known by those who came before me, but by the legacy of my deeds in life.” Or something… also he should do right by Guinevere then I’ll accept decent Arthur and no sooner! Lol

as ever like: no two things Need to be juxtaposed, much less like material vs material deathmatch Only One Can Be Good, much less am i thinking i have thee objective word on fuckall b/c who does and it's like perfectly boring & unserious whenever someone just throws out Takes that are just "i think...[xyz] is [adjective]" like okay.

but anyways thinking of how, though differing in execution in a lot of ways ofc, deh & bmc start out in a v similar place & explore a journey to self-acceptance from a despairing starting point....it feels like a lot of the hindrance in deh's exploration of its own Theme there is in like, hey. :) hand on your shoulder. it's okay b/c you'll be able to be more normal. whereas w/bmc it's that it's okay b/c you'll be able to be more abnormal

cycle

Ok I deleted this yesterday bc I thought I'd made a mistake but I looked into it a bit now, and it turns out that the only fighting forces remaining in Azovstal are those belonging to the Azov Battalion. The civilians are out, and most of the regular/non-Azov soldiers are out as well.

So, yeah. A neonazi supporter at best, or an actual neonazi at worst, won the Eurovision Song Contest 2022. Amazing.