OK SO NOT TO BE EVEN MORE DELUSIONAL if Bees don’t happen tomorrow it’s fine literally I’m not even worried bc I know it will this volume BUT LET ME GET UP ON THIS STEPLADDER TO REACH FOR A MINUTE (also for context I am getting the episode numbers from crunch roll I think they might’ve been slightly different originally on YouTube but it’s fine I’m already reaching)

Volume 1 Chapter 6: The Emerald Forest is when Blake and Yang locked eyes and became partners BEFORE they even joined a team. So in a world where team rwby never happened they would still be partners on another team. Also could be argued Blake picked Yang on purpose bc we see her dart by in the foreground. You know. Also side note but Yang asking the Grimm if they’ve seen a girl in a red hood vs Ruby asking Little if they’ve seen a girl with long blonde hair. Sisters, your honor.

Volume 2 Chapter 6: Burning the Candle. DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY MORE? Some could say it’s one of the defining moments of early series Blake and Yang, it’s so good you can just say the title and the ones who get it get it. Highlights are the laser pointer which I found personally fun, early volume humor I love you, hugging your sleep deprived stressed girl best friend and then saying you’ll save her a dance. Also shout out to shirtless Ren??? Forgot about that and Nora in the background pretending not to listen to him and Jaune talk lol. Also early volume Renora my BELOVED

Volume 3 Chapter 6: Fall is when the fake out leg break happens with Mercury which isn’t a Bees moment but that later sparks the conversation all the girls have about believing Yang really saw him attack first and Blake bringing up how this reminds her of Adam but deciding to trust in Yang anyway. Volumes four and five don’t have Bee moments tied to their respective chapter sixes.

However the bees are thinking about each other while they are apart, with Blake seeing Yang in Sun’s place when he’s attacked by Ilia plus Sun literally calling out that Yang would want Blake to be with her even when things are bad. And Yang’s “what if I needed her here for me?” when she and Weiss have their little heart to heart in V5.

Volume 6 Chapter 6: Alone in the Woods: a personal favorite of mine in general. They are at the farm, they are above the Apathy, Qrow gets his first big wake up call in terms of his alcoholism and how it affects his family. Yang grabs Blake by the hand to lead her out of the house even though she doesn’t really Need to and Weiss gets to torch the place because she also has a parental figure who struggles with drinking and it affects her. Love this episode a true banger.

Volume 7 Chapter 6: A Night Off: Blake and Yang are going dancing. Neither are very good at it and it’s very cute. Featuring a hand on the shoulder as Blake does her makeup and Yang sitting like a lesbian on the bed behind her and smiling as she does said makeup. Also Blake’s giggle she laughs at whatever Yang does. I love mutually down bad couples. Also Weiss watching half of her team be gay dorks and deciding to go to the movies with Oscar and Jaune bc she refuses to be a third wheel for another second. Highlight for me personally is the beginning when everyone is training I love shots like that I think it’s cute and fun and. I miss when they could act like this before. The Horrors truly set it. Also the beginnings of Ren semblance evolution and the Rosegarden crumb haha. Also Yang chasing after Blake and her shadows as they are fishing was also cute.

Volume 8 Chapter 6 is Cinder’s backstory but V8 does have the bee reunion face cradle and forehead touch as well as Yang’s conversation with Jaune that he mistakenly thinks is about Ruby, as well as Blake’s conversation with Nora about needing to know who you are outside of your relationship and how They don’t have to be all You are.

WHICH BRINGS US NOW TO VOLUME 9 CHAPTER 6. Not every cute or significant Bee moment is tied to chapter six and they have more than one movement to talk and have moments in each volume. I just had a lil breakthrough and wanted to check when they became partners and what chapter burning the candle was and went down a rabbit hole.

Again IF there’s no confession in like 10 hours do Not let the bad faith haters get you down. We are coming off a wild episode and I personally missed my boy Jaune so much and want to know what happened to him. We will see how all that plays out. But the evidence is there and has been for years and has been pointed out in universe so if it doesn’t happen it’s ok to be disappointed but please trust that it Will happen.

But if it DOES? No bigger bottles will be popped. We win either way; it just depends on when. See y’all on the other side!

On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto. 

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry,  and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural. 

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment. 

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before. 

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared. 

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned. 

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show. 

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen. 

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

Here’s the thing: After 15x18 - after Castiel’s confession - I will be devastatingly heartbroken with any ending less than a full, explicitly romantic relationship between him and Dean.

Let’s be clear: If they hadn’t had Cas confess, I wouldn’t be terrified about what they’re going to give to us on Thursday night. We’d all made our peace with Destiel never going canon. We never, ever in a million years expected to actually get it. All of us shippers were content to live with what we got on screen, determined to see it live on in our fanfiction, with faith in the fandom to tell the story of Dean and Castiel. We were fine. We were excited! The ending of any show is a momentous occasion, but the ending of this one? With this fandom family? After this long? No matter what happened, it was going to be something we’d cherish forever.

Instead, in the third-to-last episode of all time, Supernatural gave us a confession of love from one of its most beloved characters to the hero of the story. And we all lost our minds. Quite rightfully! We never, ever thought it would happen - no matter how much sub there has been in the text over the last 12 years. You know why? Because of Disney.

We’re used to the Disney version of LGBTQ representation. The kind where about a month before a movie comes out, we see a flurry of articles published about how there will be a “gay character” in it - somehow always for the first time. And the character is always gay; nobody cares enough to draw any distinctions within the community. All of human sexuality that isn’t purely straight is purely gay. *cue the eyerolls* And maybe the first time we got a little excited. (Probably not, but go with me here for a sec.) Maybe for Beauty and the Beast, we thought, “Oh, LeFou was kind of a fun character in the cartoon version. Maybe it’ll be cool to see him have a crush!” But always and inevitably, the “representation” is one of two equally hurtful things: 1) the character’s sexuality is bluntly on display, but it’s a source of ridicule for the person, and the audience is encouraged to laugh at it “with” the character (o hai, LeFou); or 2) the scene is less than two seconds long, or the character is unnamed, or the circumstances of the “representation” are such that they can easily be cut from the project for foreign audiences or swept under the rug in the minds of viewers who’d rather not admit that queer people exist (what up, Star Wars and Endgame?).

And that shit really fucking hurts. We’re told to shut up and be grateful, even enthusiastic that mainstream fiction media noticed we’re here at all. But we’re never main characters. Our stories are never told. This part of our identity is not only left unexplored; it is so exploited for woke points as to be made the single most defining thing about us. It’s offensive, over and over again, to have us included solely because of how we are different.

It fucking hurts.

Things are changing, slowly. We’re starting to get some deeper, three-dimensional representation in television and film. It’s not all starting out in 2005 on the same network that brought us 7th Heaven anymore. My niece is 14-years-old and out, and she will never remember a time when she had to scour the Internet to see queer versions of her favorite characters; she just has them. But all of us adults, well... chances are, our journeys have the potential to look a lot like Dean’s. We didn’t get to come out in high school. We didn’t let our younger selves think too hard about what we knew in our hearts would make us happy. It took us longer to arrive at a place of security and safety in order to be able to admit to ourselves and others who we are. Hell, the whole damn process of recognizing human sexuality is fluid might have taken us years!

Us queer adults - the ones who have been watching and loving Supernatural for longer than its younger audience - can now taste the possibility of seeing something that probably looks a lot like our very own romantic and personal experiences in Dean Winchester. We’ve been celebrating bi!Dean for years on our own, picking up the crumbs the writers give us and clutching them tightly, because what a gift it would be to see this good man, this hero as one of our own! And now... we’re so close to actually seeing it. On screen. For real and for sure.

These last two weeks have been incredibly difficult. We’re ecstatic! Wildly so! What other kind of reaction would we have to the writers allowing Castiel to admit these feelings we’ve all thought would only ever exist in our heads? But we are equally anxious, wary, and - quite frankly - battling hopelessness. Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with these things. Everyone on Tumblr - even those that don’t watch this show - is well aware that this one is the master of queerbaiting. And then there’s Disney banging around in our skulls, a psychological trauma sounding again like an alarm. We’ve been burned so many times before, by other mainstream media and by Supernatural itself. It feels crazy to hope. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the confession scene; I still can’t believe it’s real. A male-shaped main character said “I love you” to another male-shaped main character. It can’t be cut out and ignored, or brushed aside as platonic. It wasn’t a joke at the expense of queerness. It happened. It was big, and it was right there.

And now we are so, so close. Fuck.

That’s why if Supernatural doesn’t follow through and give us Dean and Cas unequivocally in love in the final 42 minutes of this beautiful, ridiculous, wonderful, preposterous, absolutely WILD show, it’ll just completely fucking break me. It will be the worst kind of tease, the deepest cut buried in the briniest salt. If they hadn’t given us Castiel’s confession, we’d have no expectations. But they did. And now, if they don’t deliver after all that’s been said and done...

...it will utterly shatter my fragile little bisexual heart into a million fucking pieces.

Okay, I won’t sleep.

Here’s my goddamn summary and explanation of the meta. Because I have to say it.

1. They cut the ‘I love you’ scene . You know why? It was a hint that this episode won’t be about them.

2. We don’t know how long Dean was in the bunker and cried. We do know he didn’t pick up the phone the first time Sam called.

3. Dean arrives with the Impala. You can see he’s broken. And I really mean fucking goddamn broken. Jensen acted it very well and in character. He looks to the ground, he tries not to cry, his eyes flutter. He doesn’t realize what Jack and Sam are saying, you literally can see him thinking. Cas told him he loves him and died, that’s not easy to handle. Not for Dean, who’s still unsure about his sexuality.

4. “He saved me”. Well, he didn’t say ‘he loves me’. But ‘he saved me’ is the exact same thing for Dean, because he’s the man who doesn’t deserve to be saved. Saving him was Cas’ love confession and with telling Sam and Jack about it, he said ‘he loves me’. And come on, Dean talking about feelings would be out of character. We see a drunk Dean sleeping between beer bottles, that’s enough.

5. The dog is Cas. Not in person, but it’s kind of an incarnation. The angel with the puppy eyes, loyal, brave. Dean sees Cas in it and that’s the reason he falls in love with ‘Miracle’. He dies because of god and the moment of joy is over. Btw in the end you can see the dog again. Sooo, maybe Cas is on his way?

6. Adam is dead. It was only Michael and Adams body. And after Michael is killed Adam is gone forever. Maybe it’s a message because the fans always made fun that the writers and the boys forgot their brother. Now he’s gone.

7. The Cas call scene. You can see the desperate in Deans eyes. I already saw some posts about it and they were on point. The moment of hope in Deans eyes when he hears Cas’ voice, he jumps off and runs upstairs. That’s love btw. He wants so bad that it’s Cas, even he knows it’s nearly impossible.

8. Lucifers comeback. Maybe fan service? Mark was a brillant Lucifer. And we have the situation of the archenemies again: Lucifer and Michael, both with daddy issues. One last fight. And, surprise, Luci dies. The “good” one wins. Luci is now in the empty again... isn’t he? But I think his death is permanently. They wanted to solve the problem with the whole ‘in SPN nobody stays dead’ thing. But dunno, I didn’t look up the cast for next week’s episode.

9. The reaper. Well, I was in shock when she showed up. I really thought it’s Cas in a female vessel but it was just a reaper. Luci kills her, here’s new death. Well, they needed someone to open up the goddamn book. Wasn’t very exciting. And she was dead as fast as she was alive. I think the writers didn’t know how to open up the book otherwise.

10. The plan. What a rush. And how could god not know it? He’s omniscient? Hm... well, I think the most important scene was the one when Dean asks god to bring Cas back. The anger in his eyes, mixed with desperation. He would kill his brother, but Cas has to live. That’s character development, you can’t tell me otherwise. And that’s also plot development.

11. Michael’s death. Kill off and gone. Well, I think they had to get rid of him. But he died through the hands of his loved father. Could be a hint that daddy issues have to be solved and shows that Chuck is a goddamn son of a bitch.

12. Jack. Oh, he’s an adult now! I think it was the best what could happen to our baby. He always felt not strong enough and now he’s god. That’s a promotion! It was a good decision: Jack was not controlled by his feelings - sure he had bad days, but his wisdom was greater than god’s actually. The reason is that he’s half an angel. And he’s half an human. God made the angels the image and likeness of himself but he wasn’t satisfied by the result. So he created humanity the same way. Jack is a combination out of god’s objective, destructive side and god’s loving, emotional side. And both sides were always in balance, and that’s the reason he could be a energy - how did they call it - sucking hole without getting destroyed by gods and Amaras power. Because these powers need balance and Jack could give it to them.

13. God. God’s an asshole. And we know he represents the writers of Supernatural. When Chuck beats the shit out of Dean and Sam it’s actually a message: The writers harmed them so many times, the whole series is a fucking drama. It represents how they dealt with them, they send them to hell and back so many times. They tortured them, broke their hearts. That’s the last time the writers harm them so much. Because they - Chuck - looses his powers. Dean and Sam take over the situation. Dean and Sam represented and influenced by Jensen and Jared. And by the fans. The writers aren’t able to change them anymore. They are what we want them to be. Because they don’t have the power anymore.

14. The book. We see the white pages of the book. God can’t see what’s written there. The pages are blank. This means the writers are finished. They don’t have something to say anymore. The story got told and there’s nothing what follows. The pages are white and ready for stories from other people. Fanfics, fanarts, and so on. Chuck, the writers, tell us there’s nothing left to say. It’s over.

15. Dean doesn’t kill god. Chuck provokes Dean to kill him and Dean says to him, that’s not who he is. You remember Cas said it this to him, right. It’s not a love confession but something like this. He finally accepts who he is and that he has feelings and not only a raised killing machine. He accepts himself. Maybe that’s a good sign for the next episode.

16. Jack disappears. I know he’s family but for real: he found his happiness being a god. He will change the world. I already said why he’s perfect for this job. And his disappearance is... well, gives me a comfortable feeling. He’s in peace and he found his mission of life. And you can’t tell me he didn’t bring back Eileen and the others. We don’t know if he can bring back Cas out of the empty. But I think he would bring Cas back if he could. Maybe he couldn’t and the story gets told in the last episode. However, Jack did a great job.

17. The ending. Yeah, what did we expect? They already told us with the season’s posters that it’s about Sam and Dean. And only them. And I can understand why Dean seems to be happy there. They literally saved the goddamn world again. But I don’t think it’s only this. They are free now. That means they can become what they want - what the fans want because the writers lost their power. And maybe that’s a hint on Destiel being confirmed by Dean in the next episode. And they’re driving with the Impala but we don’t know where they will go. Hmm... and maybe Dean smiled because he had hope again? Hope to save his... boyfriend?! Don’t know, but he’s able to do it now.

So, maybe I’m too romantic but that’s what I think. I think we see Cas again and that they will be together. I don’t know and I don’t think we will get a love confession from Dean (I know, sad. I thought we get it). But I think there’s hope. Maybe - that’s only a theory - they don’t want to make it completely canon because they argue that the end should offer enough possibilities for the fans to write and draw and so on. I would be pissed if that’s the argument, I mean queerbaiting is real but we don’t know.

I don’t find an answer in the confusing statements of the actors and the crew. Misha said he’s not in this episodes, but he was on set. It’s canon, but Dean doesn’t reciprocate? What the hell? It’s a mess and they have to clean it up for the fans. They said it won’t be a ‘Game of Thrones’ ending and hell yes, I don’t want that. It would suck. Also they said the ending would make 30% of the fans happy - maybe that’s us. We’ll see.

Edit: Btw I wrote it before, I think it’s true that Cas gets more attention in the last episode because of the fact it’s the series finale. Cas wasn’t just part of the season and we know it was the season finale, he’s part of the whole series for years. So why not bring him back for the series finale?

I want to ask you as spn expert hdbfbdj i heard that destiel made creators/actors uncomfortable and they banned mention of it at the cons? And made anlotbof writing decision to keep dean and cas characters from each other in the show? So how do you think what changed and why the decided to make deancas canon (bad as it is but canon) in almost last episode when they could just not do it jrbfkf

Hi! Oh damn I hope you’re ready for a long ass answer because I have 13 years worth of memories to answer this question dfghjklm

So, your first question, when you say creators, you have to keep in mind that the original showrunner stepped down years ago and since then, there’s been several showrunners who each had a different view on where they wanted to take the story, which explains the disparities in writing quality from one season to another, in my opinion. Of course the orginal showrunner is still around and would chime in from time to time but he went on on working on other shows (which flopped, besides The Boys, tbh), and we definitely didn’t see it that way in 2005.

Then comes the writers team, that has also seen many changes over the years. I truly believe some left because they wouldn’t make Destiel happen, among other things like the treatment/lack of representation of female and POC characters. Robbie Thompson definitely left because they killed Charlie in the most horrifying way, and Charlie was his baby, and he got better opportunities elsewhere. I remember over 7 years ago when Bo Berens (the writer of last night episode) joined the team, my whole dash was full of people screaming because holy shit the new SPN writer is gay!!! and wouldn’t that change things??? Well it did. He wrote, along with Robbie Thompson, some of the most explicit Destiel episodes that they could get away with. I don’t believe this was ever queerbaiting, not from them, and I think they took advatange of the other writers just not seeing it, or not wanting to see it.

For a very long time, the showrunners and writers were kind of oblivious to the shipping, they didn’t take it seriously because it wasn’t how they had thought it could be interpreted. As time went on and the shipping only grew and as the cast and crew actually started to see what we were seeing in their own damn writing and acting, they started to be more aware and careful around it. Some were downward enjoying putting down fans, like fucking Guy Norman Bee gloating on Twitter and engaging with fans over it. A mess. He left 5 years ago that one, good riddance. It was also the time when actual canon queer ships would appear on TV - keep in mind that in 2010-12, Destiel was as explicit as it could get. We had nothing else, so of course we would latch onto that. But we started getting more and more actual explicit representation with Shameless, Shadowhunters, Eyewitness, Skam, HTGAWM, Orphan Black, etc around 2013, and shipping Destiel got very frustrating. 

The actors have always been another story, and I saw a lot of comments being made today towards Jensen so I’m gonna copy paste my answer to an ask I got last year : “I think he was just extremely “protective” of Dean and would get actually mad and shut down every conversation about Destiel because that’s not how he sees his character. Like, proper pissed off. He would get uncomfortable about pride flags during photo ops. It came to the point where people would walk on eggshells at cons. 2012-13 was hard on the fandom on this point. He would never speak up about lgbtq related topics in politics either. Liking a tweet like Chris’s 10 or even 5 years ago? Never. He used to say that people in highschool would bully him for “looking too gay” because of his pouty lips and big eyes. I think he didn’t want to care about it but bullying leaves scars. Getting married to Danneel, meeting Misha, who are both very outspoken about lgbtq matters, opened him up, and he’s said himself that having his first daughter changed him deeply. He had a whole new perspective on unconditional love. Now, he’s enthusiastic about posing with pride flags, to sign fanart, he’s always so supportive of lgbtq fans at cons, hugs them, gives them words of encouragement, etc. Years ago he said “my father told me that there’s no manly way to drink out of a straw” and now he’s out there being crowned King at the Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans, posting rainbows on his social media, having makeup sessions wit his daughter, etc. He was very outspoken about his support for Beto in Texas last year, he goes to rallies, posts about it on social media, etc. And yeah maybe that’s the bare minimum but he wouldn’t have done it years ago but now he does and that’s worth something. He’s not a Destiel supporter but now the topic isn’t banned at cons anymore. He jokes about it, he understands better where people who see Dean as bi are coming from, even if it’s not his take on the character. He’s much more comfortable with himself and has come a long way. I’m happy for him.” That was my reply last year to somebody asking if Jensen was homophobic and while I obviously don’t know him, it’s what I gathered over the past 17 years or so. I was already a fan of him beofre Supernatural soooo, I’ve been around a while. Yes there was this moment, over 7 years ago at a con, where he let fans boo other fans for asking a question about Destiel, and he shut down the question, then the questions about Destiel were banned. That’s not the case anymore and it hasn’t been that way for years. Misha on the other hand as always been supportive of the ship, his “You’re not crazy” tweet from 2013 fueled us for years, and the fact that he went back to like it and bring attention to it today is the biggest I Told You So he could have given us.

About your question, making decision to keep them away from each other, yes, that has been a pattern for years, something would go in the script, and then they would change their minds - “the only thing we have left, Dean and I, is each other” in 5x04, the “A part of me always believed you would come back” in 7x17, the “I love you” in 8x17, Castiel’s heaven being just pictures of Dean everywhere, etc. The decision would come from either the actors or the writers and they gave tons of reasons but I won’t get into that. And every time we would have a Destiel heavy episode, it would be no Cas for weeks. Their reason for that is that if Cas was always around, what with how powerful he is, then there would be no plot for monster-of-the-week episodes, because he’d be able to fix the situation with a snap of his fingers. So they gave him storylines that would weaken him and/or keep him away from the Winchesters. But I also think they would give us crumbs to keep us hooked and then backtrack because it wasn’t the end yet.

Destiel is the only ship I’ve really invested in that wasn’t canon. Yet. Because, to me, it’s been canon for years. And I am absolutely convinced that had Supernatural ended with season 10 as planned, it would have been canon then. There were tropes and parallels that nobody could ignore. The whole of season 10, with the Cain/Dean and Colette/Castiel thing was so obvious even my Dad picked up on it. But the series got renewed again and again and they pushed it back, because The Powers That Be at the CW didn’t want to lose their homophobic fanbase, I guess. Isn’t that great :)))) Now that it’s ending for real, who cares? They don’t have anything to lose anymore. It must be quite an unpopular opinion but I think making Deancas canon at the end of the series has been the plan for a while, but it got pushed back with every renewal. 

To me they have been canon since season 8 thanks to a few selected writers, and as infuriating and sometimes hurtful as it was to keep watching for all these years when it could have been so much better, I’m still ecstatic they finally did it. Maybe for the wrong reasons, definitely not in the right way, but 1. the show isn’t over, and 2. this was my first real big ship when I had nothing else, and to be able, after over a decade, to hear that I love you, with no room for doubt that it was meant romantically, is making me happy., 

DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

Good Omens, ace rep and queerbaiting

I don’t normally write meta that even brushes against intersectional oppression so, uhh, really hope I don’t fuck this up.

There’s a debate flaring up intermittently (though I gather right now it’s pretty flamey) about whether GO is queerbaiting, and whether making the accusation that it is is in fact acephobic. Reading both sides of the argument, I keep having Strong Feelings and not quite knowing how to formulate them into actual opinions. I suspect my opinions/feelings are contradictory, despite feeling them very strongly. This may be a mess, in fact. I’m going to try to lay them out as I think of them, hopefully without treading on any toes, at least not too hard.

1. Aziraphale/Crowley, as presented in the tv series, is not queerbaiting because: It’s canon.

Really. That’s what a romantic subplot looks like. It’s not ‘subtext’, which is not just a synonym for ‘text that requires a tiny amount of interpretation that anyone who’s ever watched a tv romance can do’. It’s not ‘a handful of nudge-nudge-wink-wink jokes about them being gay that they get embarrassed over because gross but then, phew, they go off and date women and are normal’. The book has subtext - the A/C ship is not explicitly a plotline in the novel, there’s only a few sly lines that could, in theory, be removed without it impacting their relationship overall. The tv show is just text. Even if the author and lead actors hadn’t obligingly confirmed it, it’s clearly a romance. They yearn for each other (so much yearning! ;_;). Other characters mistake them for a couple and it’s not played for laughs. They acknowledge the nature of their relationship - “Fraternising?! I’ve plenty of other people to fraternise with, angel,” “You go too fast for me, Crowley” - euphemistically, because they’re scared and unsure and not ready yet, but that is not unusual in a romance storyline that’s only halfway through. Everything about how their relationship is written and acted and directed is romantic. It’s canon.

Buuuut...

2. Aziraphale/Crowley don’t... actually... get together.

This bothers me. And it has nothing to do with the question of whether their characters can be read as asexual. (They can, of course. Nobody expected or wanted a Newt/Anathema style shagfest.) The main relationship of the series is a heartfelt slowburn between the two leads, and then it... doesn’t quite resolve? And there’s no real reason why it doesn’t! There’s even a perfect space where such a resolution would logically go - when they’re on the park bench in Tadfield, waiting for the bus. That moment is the culmination/reversal of the bandstand scene, where they had their breakup, going from “There is no ‘our side’! Not any more! It’s over!” to, “You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side now”. It’s also the resolution to the 1967 scene in the car and “You go too fast for me”. This time, Crowley makes an offer: “I’ll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go” becomes “You can stay at mine... if you want”, and Aziraphale responds with a look of obvious longing to accept, and a weaker refusal that’s no longer about how he isn’t ready to say yes, but only about how Heaven wouldn’t like it. And then Crowley softly refutes that argument. And then the bus pulls up, and they go back to London together and CLEARLY DO go back to Crowley’s flat, because it isn’t until next morning that ‘Aziraphale’ returns to the bookshop.

(While I intend no disrespect to ace interpretations, the heaviness surrounding the question of going back to Crowley’s flat... does not read as non-sexual to me.)

And... that’s where, in the show, it would have made total sense to resolve the romantic tension that had been established as existing between them. To be blunt, that’s where the kiss goes, in 99.9999% of tv romance plot lines. Doesn’t happen here though! And I can’t help but be... well, I don’t know. How would this be described? Ungrateful? I don’t actually think Neil Gaiman is grossed out by gay people or anything? I like that everything between A/C was so... tender, and largely unexplicit, like the feelings between them were so big they had to remain unspoken because trying to speak them would tear the sky open or something equally dramatic. But I also think that it’s reasonable to want to see those feelings reach a denouement, and not having one here... kind of maybe feels a tiny bit queerbaity. Slightly.

Lest I sound like a kiss-pervert, I am of course aware that there are other ways to write such a denouement. Madame Tracy and Shadwell, for example, don’t kiss either. I don’t think they even touch in their last scene together? Or at all? (And I find their last scene adorable.) But their romance subplot unquestionably resolves. We know by the end that they are a couple. Aziraphale and Crowley... either still aren’t, or they got together off-screen. Given that they’re the main relationship? Mmm, it’s not quite satisfying.

A lot about Aziraphale/Crowley is enormously satisfying though! I really don’t want to rain on this parade. I find them incredibly touching. (Even with no touching.)

3. But many ace people have loved and related to the lack of overt sexuality between them.

That’s undeniable, and it’s awesome. I’m not trying to take that away from you guys. I do think that having a scene where Aziraphale and Crowley go, onscreen, from not-yet-a-couple to yes-finally-a-couple, could have been done without contradicting these headcanons. They can be ace and still kiss!

I don’t have a decent concluding paragraph so uh this is it I guess. I’m sure I will continue having Feelings!!! about them, which I will salve with fanfic.

So it is no surprise that I have strong feelings about Misha’s statements last night. I’ve put his whole statement under the cut thanks to @lil-uhura and I hope they don’t mind, because I think the whole thing is pretty important, not just the bits that have made it to gif form so far.

It’s been 9 years.

That’s right, it’s been 9 years. Years since Misha had his unfortunate first run ins with excited Destiel shippers, years since that video where he blundered over the meaning of the word ‘queerbaiting’ and what it meant in terms of the people watching. We knew back then he’d been told off about it, but here we have him outright talking about the rules, about the way that the cast was asked to keep quiet about it - particularly at Creation cons.

He felt threatened. That ‘or we’ll cut off your hand!!!’ thing. And that was all supposition from us. If you’ve watched videos of Misha at cons you see him crumble into his shell for a little while, subdued, like he’s nervous of the question coming up, and then we got years - years - of careful question dodging any time it did. We watched him blossom back into something more confident, but it’s an emotional road to watch, and if you’re even vaguely introverted imagining how someone feels in that situation, your heart hurts for him. In the end, too, we know full well the Destiel questions don’t get through except by fluke anyway (and this one was clearly meant to be a question about Dean).

And now here we are. Things are clearly changing. No longer is it ‘We don’t talk about Destiel in the writer’s room’ re. Bob Singer c. 2014. It’s ‘We have conversations about it.’ It’s like a weight has been lifted off. It’s like...maybe it’s okay, now, and he feels safer in his job, and at cons, and like the sound of haterade isn’t going to get him fired. He, and everyone else, know how important he is to the cast because listen up fuckers, he’s the third lead, and you can take that definition from my cold, dead hands.

But more than that, for fans of Destiel this is a weight off our shoulders. We’ve always felt that we were seen as the dirty little secret of fandom, and the fact that Destiel was a banned subject even after (2014 ffs!) it was put on stage in the show and the two main characters argued about how it should be pronounced - that Misha still thinks he’s going to be told off for discussing it is goddamn heartbreaking.

You want to know why the cast is uncomfortable at cons when Destiel comes up? It’s clearly not because they’re grossed out, that they don’t want to talk about it, it’s because they have never been allowed to. God forbid another ‘queerbaiting’ conversation end up happening, because if you Google destiel and supernatural that damage to its reputation is still there. They don’t want to get told off. They don’t want ‘their hands cut off’. Like not actual hands, guys, but you get my drift.

If this trend can continue, if the fetters can be taken off a little bit, it is better for the actors as well as the fans. It’s honestly about time, and it is...my god it is just a little bit depressing that engaging with an active, vibrant part of the fandom has been banned for so long! It’s no surprise that Destiel fans can feel cornered out of those fandom interactions sometimes, curiosity ignored. I want change here, because while nothing about discussing the brother’s codependency has been off limits, this has been. It’s not that ‘Destiel doesn’t exist’ after all, it’s that, at Creation cons, it’s banned from existing, and that isn’t okay. If that dichotomy is changing then fan-fucking-tastic. It means a lot to so many people.

Anyway. Read more for Misha’s words, and go watch it if you can.

My thoughts on Destiel, Uh God I mean I could go on and on and on and on. And you know, it's funny, there was a time… I'll tell you this, I'll tell you my perspective on the conversation about Destiel which has been a very interesting journey. When I first got on the show I broached the topic because I had Googled and discovered, I discovered completely unaware (nobody told me about this stuff) but I was just like, I got on the show and basically I think I was Googling to see if the fans liked me to see if I was gonna get killed off. I was like, are they gonna kill me? Do they like me? And I Googled around and I found out that what they really liked was me, my character giving Dean's character a blow job. I didn't even know what fan fiction was, I'd certainly never heard of slash fiction. And so I found this essay that somebody had written and I was like, “Wait, but this doesn't seem like it's from a script.” And then it was like all of a sudden like, “Wait, I didn't really see in any script Dean unbuckling Cas’ pants…” 

So anyway, I broached it at a convention and when I did, there was this gasp of horror like “Oh my God, my dad just found my porn.” Everyone was horrified. And then, and then, and then there was a period where there was this little bit “maybe we can talk about it, maybe we can't” and then it was banned, nobody's allowed to bring that up anymore at the convention and if you do, you'll have your hand cut off. I think now, people just don't, somehow people don't really care anymore. It's like “it's fine, we can talk about that. I know, you've seen my porn. It's fine, whatever.” 

 So I think that's been kind of an interesting arc to watch, the interplay of how either collectively ashamed or appalled everyone is over this has sort of dissipated into just like “Eh, whatever, everyone's a pervert.” By the way, I'm going to get into trouble for using that term because I always get in trouble from somebody when I talk about this at all. But I also think that like Jensen and I have had conversations about it. We've all had conversations about it. It's something that I think we all kind of feel like “Great, good on you.” We, Jensen and I don't write a ton of Destiel, but that's just because we live it, all the time. 

This is NOT okay.

So, earlier I said that I would write about the “UNCOUNTABLE loose ends” in this episode. But I do not only want to write about that; I want to get those shitty doubtful thoughts out of my system, too, because I’m aware that they are WRONG. Because Moftiss did it wrong. And we don’t and never have.

Yesterday evening truly devastated and traumatised me. I’m not joking here - I still feel like reality comes crashing down on me. And I’m aware that you all out there reading this post might feel the same. It’s a shame how things turned out. And there are countless reasons for that.

THE FINAL PROBLEM

Where should I begin this? It’s painful thinking about it, but well, it is what it is, here we go.

At first, I want to talk about the time before the BFI screening:

Moftiss repeatedly stated over all the years that this show wouldn’t be about the cases but the relationship between Sherlock and John.

Everybody involved in the show promised this to be the best episode so far. And we believed them.

They protected it from spoilers vehemently (a promo picture was even removed from many blogs by the use of lawyers), so The Final Problem was the episode we knew least of.

They said that it would be “groundbreaking”, it would “write television history”, it would be “beautiful”, a massive “rug-pull”, “insane wish fulfillment”, “something that’s never been done before” and many other things.

Benedict said at Comic Con, “Love conquers all.”

Amanda even promised us a kiss via Twitter-emoji-hints.

Mary died in The Six Thatchers and The Lying Detective was all about reuniting John and Sherlock.

Arwel still tweeted elephants after The Lying Detective.

What else would we think but that The Final Problem would be about Johnlock?

Then, there was the BFI screening without NDAs and a lot of other weird things happened: The episode was leaked by Russia and Turkey within less than a day and the people involved with Sherlock twittered about it - “please, do not share #KeepMeSpoilerFree”. No lawyers at all. It felt so ridiculous. I didn’t watch this episode, because everyone said that it would be as absurd as the fact that it was leaked twice WITHIN ONE GODDAMN DAY - Clue-theory was swirring around. Nearly everyone was convinced that the leaked episodes and the one of BFI were fake. I mean, under given circumstances, who would not?

Nobody would stay that calm and be that careless with their “best” episode after being so protective about it, if there was no plan going on under the surface. Nobody would just go and say, “Oh, well, what bad luck! But hey, c’est la vie. Let’s inform all our followers about it and ask them not to share that information we just shared with THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.” Nobody would say, “Just some days left, fuck the final sprint of keeping secrets now, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it, I don’t mind all the effort we took to create this season - oh, yes, and all the previous ones, too, sure. Even though that is ‘everything we’ve been building up for for the last seven years’.”

Oh, you’re telling me that this is exactly what happened? Oh, okay. I see. All plausible. Wait, WHAT?! olaenwoywehdaejf

I wanted to believe in Clue-theory so deeply. I still do. I still want to believe that our Dads are so clever. I want to believe that they love us as much we do(/did).

And then, yesterday’s episode aired. And it was already the first scene that told me that the next one and a half hours would be horrible and hurtful. Honestly, the first half hour I repeatedly felt the urge to cry, as I was forced to watch what the creators did to our beloved characters and show. When they brought in Oscar Wilde, I almost bursted out into tears. And everything was like a cheap joke, a not-so-scary version of Saw and The Ring. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING really reached me emotionally, not even the reveal of Redbeard actually being Sherlock’s childhood best friend who was killed by Eurus. I was so caught up in the shitty, teary feeling that they messed up the whole series. And the ending ... the ending literally tore my emotional life apart. Why is Sherlock visiting Eurus to save her twisted psychopathic psych? Why the fuck are they are playing a violin duett? Why are Mycroft and his parents there, watching like it was a redeeming moment? Why does the coded blackboard say that they trolled us? What do they mean by that? And why does Mary say that it does not matter who Sherlock and John really are, that all that matters is the legend, the cases, the adventures?

Everything in there is ridiculous and unreasonable. I don’t know where to begin. It’s better I leave it like that and point out some of the highlights:

Mycroft’s umbrella is actually a gun disguised as a sword.

John Locke cried blood red tears. (Me, too.)

Mycroft and Moriarty were in contact. Mycroft invited Moriarty to Sherrinford in order to give Eurus her ... Christmas present - five unsupervised minutes with Moriarty. Moriarty and Eurus planned everything on from The Reichenbach Fall - predicted everything, FIVE YEARS. Within FIVE MINUTES. (Didn’t see that coming.) They even predicted that Sherlock would choose to shoot Mycroft. No more words needed.

The Three Garridebs were just adapted for the sake of ... their names?

Eurus forces Sherlock to call Molly and make her confess her love for him. Molly refuses, saying Sherlock has to say it first. Sherlock says it - that’s what we get to see in the trailer #2. Why. Just why. I don’t ship Sherlolly, but even my heart was broken by that scene. Sherlock freaked out after that and so did I.

John was put in a well by Eurus and chained to the ground - but he could climb up a ladder as soon as it was put there.

Eurus was the fake girl on the fake plane. Btw, that girl was played by the same actress that has already taken part in A Scandal In Belgravia.

Sherlock “has always been the grown-up”?

Sherlock ... “forgives” Eurus? He ... “feels responsible” for her now?

A MESSAGE TO EVERYONE WHO’S IN NEED

Either Moftiss trolled us all along, being the worst LGBT+ supportive, queerbaiting sadists in tv history, or they’ve fallen victim to the success of their show, the heteronormativity, as Mary’s “Missed You”-message implies.

Either way, all that matters now is: We weren’t wrong. We believed in something. And as for me, I still do. I won’t stop that. Because this whole episode was created by heteronormativity. This is not the show, not the characters we’ve known and analysed for years now. And I think Moftiss are secretly aware of that, too. What I’m trying to say is: The Lying Detective even confirmed the drink code, the romance. That was so much. Nobody can take these triumphs from us. And TFP shouldn’t ruin the smart revolution we have built up with our knowledge, our minds, our beautiful and clever community.

I especially want to thank:

@quietlyprim: Thank you for your remarkable videos and sharing your belief with us. <3 You’re charming and beautiful.

@loudest-subtext-in-tv: You’re brilliant, your points are mind-blowing. <3 Never stop analysing and writing meta.

And @ all the others, TJLC and Johnlock-believers out there who may be reading this post: Never despair; you deserve so much better. Keep what this community gave to you - a family, revelations, emotional journeys, brain-stormings and so much more. I love you all. You can all be so proud of ourselves.

I saw this thing. I’m answering this thing... even though nobody asked.

So, I saw someone answering this and thought it was sorta cool but I don’t think people will respond anymore so I’m just doing it myself. Self love, ya know.

Talk about the first ship you ever had. Uhhh… I can’t remember which came first Mulder & Scully or Usagi/Mamoru. (The latter being really icky to me now that I’m older, lol.) I think it was Mulder/Scully… I was in primary school for both of these so it’s confusing cos that was a really long time ago.

Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life. Mulder/Scully (The X Files). I honestly don’t really feel like “talking” about them cos I don’t think it’s very interesting. Also, I have no idea where to begin. Naomi/Emily (Skins) – I fucking can’t stand them now, to be completely honest. I actually sorta hate Emily. By they (and Skins in general) did have a rather huge impact on my life. Now, I feel like I should put Dany/Doreah but really I think more importantly in terms of my life, it would be Marissa/Alex from The O.C. Does that sound stupid? Maybe. But that pairing (as shitty as they treated Alex and the whole relationship by the end) had a fairly huge influence on me. I think it was my first femslash ship that I was totally open about. (I totally shipped Jo/Rachel (and Jo/Rachel/Paul) from S Club 7 (DON’T EVEN!) but back then I didn’t even think it was serious…even though I had a whole website about it, lmao.)

What’s your current OTP? Oh my… Dany/Doreah forever & Marg/Sansa (ASOIAF/GoT). Michelle/Naomi (Skins). Carol/Helen (Episodes). Amanda Rollins/Olivia Benson (SVU). (With a bit of Rollins/Lindsay on the side. SVU/Chicago PD). Niska/Astrid (Humans). … So… Like… A lot? A lot of old OTPs are still OTPs now? Bo/Lauren (Lost Girl). Meg/Veronica (Veronica Mars). Katniss/Johanna (THG). Lou/Tess (Lip Service). Quinn/Rachel (Unreal). Jessica Jones/Trish Walker (Jessica Jones). Virginia Johnson/Lillian DePaul (Masters of Sex)………I think even my few het ships I’m still not totally over (Chase/Cameron, Mulder/Scully, Martin/Sam, etc) but I mean, I don’t really care either.

What’s your current NOTP? Any of the above characters paired with men. Simple. I have a lot of nOTPs tbh. Most canon ships are NOTPs lmao. Although… I guess Patsy/Delia is a current NOTP of mine. Don’t shoot! I just don’t care for them. They are boring to me.

Do you have any poly ships? I was sorta into Marissa/Alex/Ryan (The O.C.). I started a fic about them. And the aforementioned Jo/Paul/Rachel.

How do you feel about love triangles? Lazy. The thing is, they’re a real thing. I’ve been a bunch and they’re just uncomfortable. No matter what, somebody gets hurt. I just feel like in TV/films they’re SO LAZY. An easy way to create drama for drama’s sake. And one faction of fandom is always upset. And usually they’re really shoddily designed so it’s like one girl, 2 boring ass boys fighting for her WHO WILL SHE CHOOSE?! BLAH……. Boring. “The triangle’s not a friendly shape, okay? It’s pointy. It’s got edges. Triangles hurt people, man.”

How do you feel about RPF? Nope. I’m a bit of a hypocrite cos I spent a great deal of time in my childhood sorta straddling the very thin line here with the whole S Club 7 thing. And, I’ll admit, I did enjoy this April Pearson/Lily Loveless fic once.

Have you ever shipped yourself with a character? No. Usually my favs feel a little too relatable which is why I’m attached to them, not cos I wanna bone them. Also, way too much drama. I mean, fictional characters are almost always exaggerated people.

Do you have many ships that never got together at all? All? LMAO. Okay, let’s see… Sam/Martin did, briefly (Fuck Without A Trace tbh. What a horrid little show.) Chase/Cameron were together and that ended badly as well. Carol/Helen, also ended horribly (so far). Mulder/Scully… that’s difficult. They’re difficult. Marissa/Alex, ended horribly. Naomi/Emily, technically… hmmm. Well, as of S4 they were back together but I didn’t buy it and I pretty much loathed Emily by that point so fuck em. That ended badly too. It ended horribly if you count S7–which I don’t cos I never watched it. If I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Bo/Lauren. Okay, this may be the only bright light in all my ships, lmao. They were together and then not, then together, then not, then END GAME. So, I guess the ones that never got together??? Basically just look above at my OTPs and see all the ones I didn’t mention here ending horribly lol.

Do you ship any characters that have never met? ONLY THE BEST ONE: MICHELLE/NAOMI.

Talk about your favorite first kiss. Like in canon onscreen? Or in my head? Big diff. Chase & Cameron maybe. I loved that episode. Mulder & Scully’s first (onscreen) kiss was a bit weird. I don’t remember Sam/Martin tbh. Hmm… Marissa/Alex was hella stilted and awkward prolly cos it was on FOX and like Mischa Barton is a terrible actress. Bo/Lauren’s first kiss was pretty good. Yeah, I really liked that one. Mostly cos it didn’t fade to black immediately (ahem, Carol/Helen) and it wasn’t set to ‘I Kissed A Girl’ (Naomi/Emily)… Okay, in fairness that was only the American version. The one I saw had Lily Allen playing instead… But still. I loved that episode but it wasn’t the best first kiss I’ve ever seen.

Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together? Yes, when they get together only to end even shittier. Which is basically all of them except Bo/Lauren.

Has a ship ever broken your heart? All of them. Canon and otherwise. My heart breaks on a regular basis.

How do you feel about will they/won’t they? Ugh. Useless. Generally, it’s queerbaiting when it’s my femslash OTPs. When it’s het, I’m just like, “As if these two lonely, outrageously attractive co-workers wouldn’t have banged already. Like, give me a break and just do it already. Who believes this shit?”

Have you ever “shipped at first sight”? Lemme think… Probably? I can’t actually recall any specifics however. Not Mulder/Scully, I know that. The first time I saw them, it was New Year’s Eve and I spent the entire show huddled on the sofa in my friend’s basement with her and her cousins, shaking and screaming, lmao. The X-Files really isn’t great TV for easily scared children with big imaginations, lbr.

Talk about a ship you initially disliked. One that I like now that I disliked previously? Erm. None. I don’t flipflop on ships, lbr. It goes like this: I am oblivious/indifferent to ship, depending. I see ship. I ship ship. I love ship. And it’s only then that this can diverge. Either I stay in love forever, or I end up positively hating the show/pairing and I stop shipping it, or it just kinda dies out over time. Normally it’s the first or second, rarely the third.

Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically. And now just ship them only as friends? Or stopped shipping them and dislike them now and don’t want to have anything to do with them? The latter is clearly Sam/Martin. I just hated how the characters were written and the show was fucking awful after S3. The former… Ah, the former. I think this really has to be Naomi/Emily. I am 1457% Naomi/Michelle, no alternatives accepted. Naomily is toxic imo. Like so incredibly nope. I am -100000% Naomily. I stopped shipping them mid-S4, probably during Katie’s episode. I was just like, “Nope, this is pretty gross and not healthy and what the fuck?!” I gave up completely at the finale when it was so fucking stupid. I think by then I’d already had my Michelle/Naomi dream… Anyway. Like, I literally cannot handle Naomi/Emily anymore. At most, I can deal with them as friends. But even then, sometimes I wonder if writing them that way in my fics is pandering in some sense. It’s not intentional pandering to Naomily stans… but, now I look back and wonder? They’re just so awful together romantically. I shudder.

Talk about a moment which made you question an entire ship. Hmmm…. Carol/Helen in Griffith Park in 4x09 when she makes Carol give back her bra. That whole episode was really nasty and really awful and not funny at all. I really dislike the writing there. It was just… Helen was just disgusting really and it made me really uncomfortable about shipping it. I have other examples but it only asked for one.

Have you ever shipped something despite yourself? She-Ra and He-Man. I had no idea they were brother and sister when I was little but I thought they were cute together. Oops. It wasn’t until a few years back when I mentioned them at a party and everyone was like, “Errr, you do know they were twins, yeah?” NO. I DID NOT.

Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping. Carol/Helen. I feel like the few people that shipped it with me on tumblr here were really turned off by their breakup. And also, it’s been on hiatus forever. Also, I suppose Claire Dearing/Zara Young from Jurassic World, lmao.

Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against? Most het ones? Like, just… why would you be with that puffy wonderbread boy when you could be with this other hot lady and have 10003x times more chemistry and interestingness? (Like I mean, I’m totally talking about Erin Lindsay and that gay dude she’s fucking, when it would be so much better if she was with Rollins, lmao. You go watch the crossovers episodes and tell me I’m imagining that.) Other het ships, I have definite things against the men.

Which of your ships have the best chemistry? OH GOD. Now, ermmmm…. this depends almost exclusively on my own headcanon/bias so obvs others aren’t likely to agree. Cos, well, Michelle/Naomi have hella chemistry LMAO. Like just look at this photo. Clearly. Okay, seriously… Bo/Lauren. Like hands down, undoubtedly.

Which of your ships deserve better writing? Every single one of them. Especially Dany/Doreah lmao.

Do you mostly ship canon pairings? Clearly not.

Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar? Skins. Lost Girl. Actually, hmm. I saw gifs of LG but I guess it wasn’t until I saw Zoie Palmer at a film premiere I went to that I was like, “WHO IS THAT?!” And then I realised I had to start watching that programme.

Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to? Blonde/Brunette. Like, it’s really obvious. But not 100%. Otherwise, I don’t really see any substantial patterns.

Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life? Mulder/Scully.

Does shipping come easily to you? Neither here nor there. If it clicks, it clicks.

Do you need to ship something to really enjoy a movie/book/tv show/comic? Most of the time. But then sometimes shipping gets in the way of my enjoyment cos it becomes all about the pairing.

Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships. Fortitude? Honestly… I don’t even know. I watch a bunch of TV I have no particular interest in shipping anybody. Oh! Here’s one NASHVILLE. I honestly do not care who’s with whom. It’s irrelevant.

Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love. Dany/Doreah – Doreah is alive. That’s it. That’s the headcanon. (And bonus, Dany takes Doreah to Lys and burns down the pleasure house Doreah was sold to as a child.) I have to add that most of my fav headcanons revolve around one half of my OTP still being alive. Which is both sad and really telling. (Like… Doreah, Margaery, Naomi, Meg, Marissa, Lillian… Ouch.)

Share five must-read fics. I’m trying really hard not to rec my own shit cos I just love my headcanons too much. Okay, here: They Will Crown You, They Will Take Your Legs by (Netgirl_y2k); tie your handlebars to the stars (and throw away the map) by (majesdane); my heart is gold and my hands are cold by (quinnking); If you’re gonna shoot me down, do it gently by (aphrodite_mine); I Can’t Get Out Of Love (a love i had a grip on; now it’s gripping me) by (doreah) hahahahahahahahaaaa i will do whatever i want when i want to force this pairing on everyone

Name your favorite fanartist(s). IDK??????????

Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP. Dany/Doreah: actually… oops. my fav fanmix for them is on my ipod and nowhere else lmao. it’s really good hahahah. anyway… um. so i’ll choose one that’s not mine: i’ll send a storm (most of mine are either doreah-specific or based on my fic which is a lot of headcanon and this one has excellent musical choices. that first track is killer.) Meg/Veronica: song of solomon (your poetry in motion) Chase/Cameron: i’m all second chances Michelle/Naomi: can’t get out of love Bo/Lauren:  it’s killing me, it’s killing you, a page from the book of my fantasy

Recommend 1-5 shipper blogs. Pass. I don’t even know any…

Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for you ships? Used to. Obvs.

Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP? Half of it not being dead.

Do you like and use ship names? I generally stay away from them unless I to find stuff/want people to find my stuff on tumblr. I find them cloying.

Is there a fictional relationship you’d really want for yourself? Hell no. Real life is difficult enough.

If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be? They would all be alive. Sensing a pattern? Also, being canon would be nice.