#no. i suppose it wasn't.
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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Hot to the Touch
(Sunset x Thea)
#mlp#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#twiset#my art#fanart#the grand galloping 20s#illustration#rarijack is my funny goofy ship your american drama “the fashionista falls for the farmgirl!”#but twiset is my pull at your heartstrings drama romance shit#at least for this au#what if thea was the only one who could calm sunset's rage#what if sunset knows she should hate thea for “replacing” her for being the witch she was supposed to be but she can't bring herself to#what if thea was the guiding star who saves sunset's soul and brought laughter and peace and love back into her jaded tired life#what if they loved each other more than they ever thought they could but it wasn't meant to last. sunset must leave and thea must stay.#what if i ran off a bridge
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the tortured poets department tracklist (album out april 19)
#idk why i made this#just go with it i guess#in my handwriting*#tswift#tswiftedit#taylorswift#taylor swift#the tortured poets department#art#clearly i didnt think this through before writing the names#everything is not at the centre how its supposed to be#but i dont want to think too much about it 😭#also that's the reason I wasn't able to include the features names 😭😭
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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 4.5: Morning Period.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#mdzs au#Yunmeng Jiang training arc AU#This is 4.5 because it was originally all supposed to be part of the same comic#This part wasn't as punchy and I was close to scrapping it but I figured I'd at least give it a chance.#Despite the fact I already had it in pencils...cleaning it up took a very long time. Still hate it. Sunken cost fallacy enacted: It lives.#Okay quick commentary (I'm very late to post today)#While this is supposed to be a 'snapshot' of routine - Wei Wuxian slept in. Normally he is up earlier.#Meaning he delayed the dueling part of the day. Hence LWJ's hand gesture.#I also imagine that LWJ and JC have a bit more of a friendship in this AU since they spend a few hours in the morning sans WWX#I always enjoyed how JC and LWJ on paper seem like they would get along but Do Not in canon. Let me have a world where they do.
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#lee speaks#now the source is ruined which I think is funnier than turning reblogs off. it will continue to spread but it's hilarious to me now#this post wasn't supposed to breach containment and I disagree with the majority of you and you're annoying me <3#I’ve found that I actually don’t care at all and I’m a grown ass man#fiiiiiiiine I’m turning reblogs off since people are getting actually pissy. fuck all of you
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you have to be sexy but you have to be sexy in a way that's kind of bloody. you learn this early because you are wearing a ruffled skirt and the snow around your ankles kicks little sand particles against your calves. baby's first catcall. welcome to sexiness! welcome to the eyesore of your own body!
you have to be sexy like high heels. like sculpted eyebrows. like lean stomach and highly treated hair. you have to be sexy like youth is sexy, which means you have to be sexy like boxtox and plastic. a 30 year old can be sexy but she's not going to be bloody, and they like the bloodiness of it. a 30 year old is sexy when she is a whiskey glass and a wooden desk.
but you need to be sexy like an open mouth. you need to be sexy like a bitten apple. like plucked skin and white-knuckling the waxing kit.
so sex is a performance, not an enjoyment. for a while, you just assumed everyone else was also in on the joke - nobody actually likes sex that much, right? like, some men probably do, but why would you? it is like a gender - your gender is sexy. your gender is the performance of sex. you are thigh highs and garter belts. which, to be fair, do make you feel sexy.
part of what does make sex good is that you can tell that other people want you, which means the performance of sexiness is both bloody and wanted, which is good, which means you are winning at having a body. being wanted is the prize. being wanted is the thing you are searching for, not hope. you think you are looking for a soft grave in easy loam, but that is bloody but not sexy. to be sexy you must be bloody like a red open sign. bloody like a handprint. this will make you wanted.
any wanted or unwanted body is subject to supply and demand, which is to say that the more demand, the better you are valued. you must be highly demanded to be valued. this is stated in matter-of-fact by some men. sometimes it is a priest that says it, and sometimes it is a podcaster, and sometimes it is the 45th president of the united states of america.
(if you do not have any experience with being told your value, i want you to grab the nearest bird to you and i want you to crush it into a thin paste in your hand. spit into the center, and then hold your fingers closed tight around it for days and days, long after the rot has set in. feel bones itch inside of your fist. this is only a fraction of what it actually feels like, but it will suffice for a moment.)
good sex feels like you have earned their desperation. you have earned your own value. for a while you operated under the understanding that everyone knew about the power structure, even him. that their desire to take you - the violence of it - means that you must desire to be caught. little prince, guardian fox - you would rather have cut your own arm off. you liked the secret, cunning little voice you keep tucked into a box. you think you are fucking me. i am not even here right now. you are fucking what i conned you into perceiving. this is a painting, not a person. dominion over the body before all things.
so you bend your body like a wheat shaft and learn the steps so perfectly that it almost seems graceful. (if you do not have experience faking your own connection to your body and sexuality, cut each of your articles of clothing just a little bit incorrectly. pour fishbones into each of your meals. this way, you will experience the average noon on a tuesday.)
you have to be sexy like light spilled over a desk, but not desperate. not a noose. you can't be sexy like an electric guitar, you are the acoustic. you have to be on top of the bull but you can't have control over the animal.
okay, okay. the little rabbit of your heart went to sleep so long ago that winter has ravaged your concept of the human soul. there's something very-bad inside you, something that has taken over, a little fetid and rabid animal, angry and hurting and willing to bite first.
oh but even that's a pain that's sexy. open your mouth. be careful not to let the canines show.
#spilled ink#writeblr#warm up#the reason i tag warm up on so much is bc often i write them between me doing other things so im mostly telling myself to come back and edi#bc i rarely have time to check for typos lol#this is partially about compulsory heterosexuality btw#and why it took me so long to realize im a lesbian#i just assumed sex wasn't really supposed to be that good#been reading feminist lit and u can always tell
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sensory bullshit
#my art#fanart#digital art#comic#tmnt#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt raph#eye strain#this wasn't supposed to be a comic#i just wanted to draw the last two panels#also i'll be honest i don't know how onomatopeia works#rottmnt movie spoilers
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lethal company is a workplace comedy
this prank got us All killed. btw.
#lethal company#comic#art#artists on tumblr#digital art#lethal company fanart#dat me#iirc we were on lake. it was foggy. i was so scared by Mask and i couldnt see thru the FOG i ran out and fell into the lake and DIED#one guy obvs sacrified himself for Le Prank and. i don't remember what happened to the 4th guy. mask prolly got him#AND WE HAD SO MUCH LOOT I WAS SO MAD WJHBDFGBHJDFG. ... IT WAS FUNNY THO NGL IT -WAS- FUNNY#im kinda ehhhhh (wobbles hand) about how i did the last panel and how i portrayed me running to the door but its. its ok#its fine its good enough i think#this wasn't supposed to be so involved DHJBSDFHJB#anyway i've been posting WIPs of this to my kofi page for members!! the Entire sketch is up over there#yknow. in case anyone is interested in that
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Girl loser is girl losering <3
‼️ Also, HEY YOU, YES, YOU 🗣 Here's a reminder to check out https://arab.org/ and help out in any way you can, whether it be through donations or just spreading the word!🇵🇸
#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#digital art#dont y'all dare focus on the unrendered feet#i refuse to render feet without a handsome reward in this economy#anyway#i got a wicked tummy ache from eating something i definitely wasn't supposed to#shit so bad im considering resulting to religion in hopes im spared#delicious in dungeon#my art
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@praxinas warlock Harlow, for the very last day of Artfight 2023!
I love the Eliksni armor from Season of Splicer and the aesthetic, just in general
#I love this piece of armor for warlock but apparently can't draw it to save my life :P#This last week was straight from the long week factory so I wasn't able to get all her details right but I tried!#Hope you enjoy!#destiny 2#It's supposed to be the big servitor from season of Splicer! Tried to photobash it together but it was rough lol#others oc#Pixel art#Pixel#Digital art#oc#artists on tumblr#cyberpunk#Eliksni#Servitor#Warlock
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#supergirl#supercorp#supergirledit#supercorpedit#lena luthor#kara danvers#tvgifs#tvedit#my gifs#*sggif#it's been 84 years since i've made anything#maybe it has something to do with the new post uploader (hate it!)#i know lena was in her grumpy era but you can't convince me that smile wasn't genuine#she forgot she was supposed to be mad for a second
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I honestly don't know wether I should be proud of my work or concerned about the fact that I spent 5 days on a shitpost...
This is what happens when you watch sonic fandubs and search 'how many times did Dedede get possessed' on google within the same day
Audio from this part:
youtube
#kirby#fanart#shitpost#king dedede#bandana waddle dee#zero#animation#at first bandee wasn't supposed to be there but the voice didn't fit dedede at all#i think the voice for zero kinda fits though?#what am i even doing anymore#when i thought 'stop procrastinating and animate something' i didn't mean it that way#Youtube
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Richarlyson: This is a good ship that never came to fruition.
Mike: This ship is better than Hideduo. Shut your mouths.
[...]
Fit: Very cool artwork! DELUSIONAL, but very good artwork nonetheless.
Ramon: delulu
Mike and Fit's VERY different reactions to Pacmanduo art (Pac & Etoiles) in the fanart museum.
#Mikethelink#FitMC#QSMP#Richarlyson#Hideduo#FitPac#Pacmanduo#December 29 2023#January 3 2024#Mike's VOD date is the December one#Fit's is the January one#THEYRE SUCH DRAMAQUEENS. I LOVE IT#oh my gosh I just saw the original artist's caption on this art... the sheer drama of it all#For those too lazy to translate it or don't want to use Twitter (based)#The translation says:#🌟: what's new pac? I haven't seen you in a while!#🐭: I was supposed to have a date a few days ago but...#🌟: but are you stuck here with me? too bad ^^#spicy#listen man I was all in on Pacmanduo until Etoiles said he wasn't interested in romance RP#but Pac's little one-sided crush was (is?) very cute nevertheless#Translated#Edited#Subtitles#I'm pretty confident in that translation but as always; if someone has a better suggestion let me know
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sometimes just wanna….sqwueze the ghost…
same, he looks very squishy,,
#i wasn't supposed to animate this...... but ya know what.. fuck it.. anIMATED SQUEEZES#i actually didn't anticipate it to look so smooth either.. holy shit#anyway enjoy the infinite squeezes bestie!!#answered asks#2nickymouse2#my art#call of duty#cod#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#simon riley#animation#animatic
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Don't let the robot teach you Irken
(Click for better quality)
#invader zim#dib membrane#zim#gir#iz zim#iz dib#iz gir#zadr#asked gir to teach him an insult and told him how to say you're pretty instead#he didn't escape#i haven't drawn them in so long i like how i drew them#sorry about the coloring lol. it wasn't supposed to be in the first place but eh#flame draws
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I don't know if this has been asked before, but I'm curious what about Sun and Moon do you like so much? I'm not judging. I'm just curious as for me, I simply just saw them as unique animatronics with a nice nod to jekyll and hyde. Also thanks for answering my prior question.
#Ask ALB#They also made me feel more comfy about my autism wahhh#I was told I wasn't supposed to have them as an adult cause they were to childish smh#thanks to the DCA I now have so many plushies I cuddle with#fnaf security breach#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#my persona
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