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noxtivagus · 2 years

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i really really think i'm better now

#🌙.vent #i think. i think i really think #....nah. writing that n i feel like crying again #it really hurts?#no it really really really hurts i'm #i need better friends #an hour now before it's the 28th n they're just in their lil 2 person vc together #it hurts i really think they don't care #usually i'm the first to usually say kind words to them #i've been really struggling for a while n maybe hoping for once #for once maybe they'd. yeah. even if it's just once #i think it hurts even more bcs we've been friends ever since middle school so #i really doubt if they really care for who i am #i want to hold on n believe that they do care but it just gets harder n harder n #i don't want to cry on my birthday???? my bday has always had a lot of meaning for me #of change. something better #but this time around everything feels so much more different. lonely #this is the most i've been connected to my reality in years hut #it's the most i've ever been lonely #11:11 n maybe i wish that #i don't know.#for closer deeper n more authentic relations w others ?#every time i dip into even a bit more of that #life has a bit more meaning each time #my world is lonely. it definitely is #so those moments have ever meant so much to me #i'm not overly dependent on them. no. i'm very much independent #but everyone's susceptible to feeling lonely n i guess this is one of my weak points #i should be able to make and choose my own happiness. in who i am.#i guess. overwhelmed & tired & lonely. those are the 3 words i'd describe how i'm feeling right now.

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chittychittyyangyang · 1 year

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Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.

This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.

#ccyy talks #sorry for posting this here but I'm pissed and this shit really needs to stop #For all I know he recorded me too cause I'm young and look healthy but got to go back next #Sorry about your cough buddy but the way things work I was a more immediate emergency #1k #5k #10k #30k #this post clearly has a life of its own now #and in case someone wants to know some clarifications for common points #people in a position of authority/actively hurting someone with the intent to protect/help the person is fine #so cops doctors nurses mental health workers and educators (to name a few) who actively are abusing their power and authority? free game #this post was filming random ass people for Content(tm)#random ass people more so those in distress aren't your content and you do not know the harm you can do to someone by posting that shit #50k

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inkskinned · 8 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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suiheisen · 2 months

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you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank #he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :')#he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated #but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING #drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay...#also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger.........#geno kept Hovering in concern #po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog #ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both #also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited #anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a #long post #sidney crosby #evgeni malkin #pittsburgh penguins #also!!! to all who celebrate #ramadan kareem/eid mubarak #<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good

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featheredadora · 11 months

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#art #fat positivity #body positivity #positivity #birblr #canary #doodle #Sorry I'm a bit all over the place at the moment guys #Had to spend time with my partner's fatphobic family #And I know I'm a thin guy so I am not like directly hurt by the things they believe #But it still was just an awful experience and I'm still kinda feeling that #And it infuriates me that me standing up for what's right is always framed as me being a delicate sensitive anorexic #You should treat fat people nice because they are people and deserve basic decency #I am not being overly sensitive by not wanting to hear your fatphobic crap #You're just not nice people #/rant over #Sorry for my little outburst guys! I am usually an easy going guy #I just get really riled up about this stuff #Fat people are wonderful and it is such a blessing to live in a world with such a huge range of different bodies!

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 15 hours

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Good morning, Sleepyhead.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.

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satans-knitwear · 3 months

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What if i told u..... Tiddies. 🤔

Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

#That's my wisdom of the day. Ur welcome #Damn I'm wise af #satans knitwear #alt pinup #pinup girl #pretty lingerie #Red lace lingerie #girls with piercings #cheeky #It's been a really rough few days for me. Watching my baby suffering is absolute hell. But shes on a few meds now so hopefully will improve #🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞#A lil end of the tags update for u if you get this far. My sweet babydog is not well and my heart is hurting so much

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ventique18 · 3 months

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The way twst intentionally made it a big slap to the face that Idia's and Ortho's mom and dad would go through heaven and hell to save their children, yet Malleus' only living blood relative is completely silent throughout the disaster...

The way the Shrouds would exhaust everything they have just to retrieve their robot son who isn't even alive, yet the remaining Draconia can't even stand up from her throne to check if her grandson is still alive.

My queen, my queen, have you forsaken him?

#I'm sorry I'm really salty about this lol #thinking that there's a possibility that she really really is unable to love him hurts #holy shit malleus is seriously lonely #seriously lonely #twisted wonderland #ventique rambles #maleficia draconia #malleus draconia #shroud family

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normcore-tertiary-character · 3 months

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"It's just a silly comedy," I think to myself, "I'm not going to get brain worms about it," I insist, ignoring the fact that I am the getting-brain-worms-about-silly-comedies person

#ofmd #cbs ghosts #the Orville #wwdits #abbot elementary #good omens #the great #resident alien #xena warrior princess #i'm going to be honest I thought I was exaggerating when I wrote the post and then tagging it is hurting my feelings #maybe I really am the getting-brain-worms-about-silly-comedies person

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yashley · 7 months

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"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."

#critical role #ygifs #cr3 #fearne #she got me fucked up #her leaving her treasured cherished postcards at the altar of the raven queen where so many memories are left #leaving the one thing that had been her lifeline and her hope. the most important thing to her and she leaves them behind #because they weren't what she thought they were.#her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself #because she was sad and angry and alone #this faun wearing her heart on her sleeve and running from what hurts her and it's just. ms johnson i'm #''do you think it’s the world changing you or do you think it’s you changing in the world?'' ''yes.'' girl i'm on my knees #I couldn't be more grateful fearne continued from exu this growth hurts so so so good I'd die for her #fearne angry? delicious. fearne sad? delicious. fearne tits? del-#fearne this episode you can really taste the If I'm Not Pleasing People It's My Fault When They Leave and it bit me

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saltpepperbeard · 7 months

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fully losing it over these frames from the beach kiss btw

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erophonemic · 11 months

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Is my autistic awkward girl swag appealing to you

#I promise I'm really silly and deeply caring I just struggle with understanding some social signals and such #which makes me nervous because I want to make a good impression and not hurt people #but I prommy when I am fully comfortable around you I am just the happiest and most caring girl of all time

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palkea · 8 months

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gift for som1 special

#sorry about the inactivity #my chronic disease has been getting worse and its really hard for me to sit down and do things on my computer because i start hurting #and sorry if these look weirdly pixelated I'll fix them eventually I'm on my phone u_u #my art #soundwave #shockwave #wavewave #transformers

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teaboot · 7 months

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(I'm a security guard.)

#There is an overwhelming number of traumatized people who work in security #So many of us have histories of abuse #Or other things #And I wonder so often #I'm good at my job #But am I attracted to power?#I like helping people #I don't like hurting people #Or picking on anyone #But it's hard to know what the right answers are sometimes #Part of my job is working with police #Even if I disagree with them #I tell myself it's better that I'm the guard here #And not someone malicious #Or cruel #But how much am I really changing?#And am I using my power correctly #Or will I become the unreasonable authority that made me the scared person I am #Is it already too late?#What if the calls I'm unsure of are the warning signs #Maybe I'm already too late #Maybe my sense of morality and justice is eroding #To fit the hole I've placed myself in #Maybe I'm not chipping at the walls fast enough #Maybe I'm being reshaped #Just being here #Maybe my conflict of conscience is the internal monologue of a sympathetic villain #Maybe I'm the bad guy

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swati-art · 8 months

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He needed a snack

#sth #shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #sonadow #Not me posting at ungodly hours #It's 2 am and I'm so fucking tired #But i really wanted to finish this #It's been a while since I posted #Have some sonadow on a night ride #Sonic #Eyestrain #Maybe?#I've just stared at it so long my eyes hurt lol #swatiart

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strangersmunsons · 7 months

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you're not feeling your best. Eddie gives you some much needed comfort. eddie munson x fem!reader, ~800 words

“Hey, Eddie?”

Your soft voice breaks the comfortable silence hanging over the bedroom, where you and Eddie have been curled up in each other’s arms since you finished making love some time ago.

“What’s up, baby?” He strokes a calloused hand up and down your back, tracing gentle patterns into the skin with his fingers in a way that makes you shiver. You press your body even closer to his.

He smells musky with sweat and drugstore cologne, and the faint whiff of tobacco that lingers from his post-sex cigarette. He tilts his head down to press a sweet kiss to your shoulder, and then another, and then another.

You hesitate, unsure if you want to break this spell of gentleness by voicing your insecurities. But then Eddie traces the furrow between your brows with a delicate finger, smoothing out the small crinkle. His face is expectant. Waiting.

“Can I ask you a question?”

He gives you a dopey half-smile, the really sleepy one that you love the most. “You just did, didn’t you?”

You try to grin back, but it comes out more like a grimace.

His smile fades, face lining with concern as he takes in your expression. You've apparently hidden your unease from him well tonight; he doesn't like it. He brings a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek in his palm. “Of course you can,” he says soothingly, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb.

You sigh at his touch. “Don’t laugh,” you whisper, throat tightening.

“I would never, sweetheart,” he whispers back.

You stare up at him, eyes welling with tears. You shift uncomfortably in his arms, overwhelmed by the urge to suddenly run from the room.

“Hey.” Eddie gently pats your cheek, growing alarmed at how upset you look, but nonetheless staying calm for your sake. “Talk to me, angel.” He sits upright in bed, pulling you with him, so your tangled limbs are all gathered into his lap. He rocks you ever so slightly side to side, and curls one hand around the back of your neck so he can bring your forehead to his. “What’s got you all worked up?”

You don't want to tell him anymore, but you’re unable to hide from him like this. Your lip quivers uncontrollably. “Do you…do you think I’m pretty?” The words are wispy, barely there.

You might as well have taken a knife to Eddie’s heart. Shock flickers across his face before sinking into unbelievable sadness. He crushes you to him. “Of course I do. I think you’re so pretty, baby. I think you’re beautiful.” The words become muffled as he buries his face in the crook between your shoulder and neck. “Most beautiful girl in the world.”

That does it.

Fat tears spill over your bottom lashes, and you hug him back as hard as you can.

Eddie caresses and kisses every part of you he can reach. “Why’d you ask me that, huh? Did I do something to make you feel like you aren’t?” Every part of him aches at the thought of making you feel undesirable, accident or not.

You can only snuffle in reply at this point, too caught up in your tears to answer him coherently.

“Shhh,” he hushes you gently, rubbing your back. “Take a deep breath, baby. Try and relax for me, okay?”

He continues to coo sweet nothings in your ear while you let it all out, until you eventually come down from the crying jag. You slump against him, exhausted, waiting for the last few rogue sobs to finish wracking your body.

Eddie holds you all the while, and then tucks you away under his chin.

His voice is soft like velvet. “What happened to my girl today?” He resumes the gentle swaying from before, hoping the motion will soothe you. “What’s making you feel like this?”

“O-overheard…s-some people t-today…” you manage to stutter out.

Eddie’s jaw sets. Would you and he never escape the cruel judgment of others?

“They’re wrong,” he says firmly. “Don’t listen to them. Just listen to me, yeah?”

He jostles you lightly in his lap when you don’t answer. “I said, yeah?”

“Y-yes, Eddie.”

He softens again. “Good girl.” He dots a few more kisses onto your head. “You’re beautiful, sweetheart. I thought you were the second I saw you. And then you turned out to be beautiful on the inside, too. Lucky me, huh?” Another kiss. “My beautiful girl. You’re my angel.”

Your voice is still watery, almost inaudible. “Thank you.”

He gives you a tight squeeze, still speaking in dulcet tones. “I’m happy to tell you that, because it’s true. I’ll tell you all the time now.” Kiss. “I think you need some sleep, sweetheart. I promise you’ll feel better in the morning.”

He doesn’t let go of you for the entire night.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson hurt/comfort #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #sorry this is so sappy & gross i'm just in a mood ig #also sorry for using the term 'making love.' it was the only one that felt right #just really craving some soft sweet eddie rn 🥺

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