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heartbreaksamuel · 2 years

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Love Doesn’t Leave

Love Doesn’t Leave

Pairing: Sam Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: The story of the three girls who shared Sam Kiszka’s heart.

Warnings: SPOILER ALERT! WARNINGS MAY GIVE PLOT LINES AWAY! Girl dad Sam, mentions of sex, mentions of anxiety, smoking, sexual situations, dog attacks, alcohol, discussions related to sexuality and coming out to parents, death of a pet, implied death of parents.

Author’s Note: The chapter titles are the age of Sam’s daughter. They are all even numbers starting at TWO and going up to SIXTEEN.

Word Count: 17k (It’s long but worth it)

PROLOGUE

You never would have thought smiling at a long haired boy at a bar in Nashville on a girls trip would have led you to where you were now.

You sat in your boyfriend’s living room as he went to his bedroom to bring you a surprise. You knew exactly what the surprise was, or who the surprise was for that matter. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut about her. Sometimes, you had to stop him from talking about her. He would giggle and say “Sorry, I just love her a lot,” to which you would reply “I know you do, Sammy.”

He walked into the living room with his shoulders turned sideways, hiding what was in his arms. He turned to reveal a caramel brown and black striped puppy in his hands. Your heart melted the instant you saw her. She was perfect. She had a sweet face and she was the perfect size at the moment. Just small enough to hold in your arms, but big enough to the point where she wasn’t too fragile.

“Y/N, meet Rosie. Rosie, meet Y/N,” he said with a huge smile on his face. He grabbed her paw and waved it at you.

You walked over to her and pet her head and scratched her behind her ears.

“Hi Miss Rosie,” you said sweetly to her.

You pulled her out of Sam’s arms and she instantly took to you. She started sniffing and licking your face. You laughed and moved your head around as she continued. You sat down on the couch with her in your lap and continued showering her with love. She was easy to love, it was no wonder Sam was obsessed with her.

Sam sat down next to you and reached his hand out to pet her.

“Looks like you got a mom now, Rose,” he said, rubbing her behind her ears. She wagged her tail and panted at you, almost as if she was smiling.

That was the first night you slept over at Sam’s house. You were laying in bed with your head on Sam’s chest when you heard whining outside the bedroom door. Sam sat up and slid out of bed. He threw on a pair of boxers and walked over to the door, opening it slowly. Rosie pushed her way into the room quickly and jumped into the bed eagerly. She settled herself down in the warm spot Sam left behind and you stroked her back as Sam walked back over to the bed.

“She, uh, she sleeps with me. Is that okay?” he asked hesitantly, running his hands through his hair as he looked down. You could tell he was a little embarrassed.

“Yeah, of course it’s okay,” you assured him. “Just come here, let me love on you some more,” you whispered.

He got back in the bed and lifted Rosie up and over to his other side. He was in the middle of the bed, with you on one side of him, and Rosie on the other.

Rosie rested her head on Sam’s stomach and you cuddled yourself into his side and rested your head on his chest. His chest was skinny and bony, but warm and soft at the same time.

You looked up at Sam and he had a huge smile on his face. He was in heaven and he felt love all around him. If he had his way, he would be able to stay in this moment forever.

“My two girls,” he smiled, petting her head and giving you a kiss on the top of yours.

You fell asleep that night to the sound of Rosie snoring and Sam’s chest rising and falling underneath you.

Over those years, you learned just how much Rosie meant to Sam. He adopted her during a hard time in his life and she helped him get through it. It was a time when he just needed love and she was able to give it to him. She was always there for him and she knew him better than anyone. She calmed him down when he got anxious. She cheered him up when he wasn’t feeling like himself. She gave him whatever he needed. She was the reason he was who he was. It was her who made it possible for you to love Sam the way you did and you loved her for that.

You and Sam spent everyday together, with Rosie too of course. During the day the two of you took her for walks and played with her. At night, she’d stay home while you and Sam went out to bars and local shows. You would stay out all night drinking and smoking until you were both too far gone. When you came stumbling home, Rosie would be waiting for you in bed, ready for cuddles and kisses.

On nights you stayed in, you’d watch movies, eat meals you made together, and tease each other under the sheets until one of you caved in and before you knew it, the two of you were sweaty messes who desperately needed Jesus and a shower. Rosie would sit outside the room patiently until it was time for her to come back in and go to sleep.

When Sam was away for work, you watched Rosie and took care of her. When Sam took her with him, you missed her. Sometimes you missed her more than you missed him. When Sam took you with him, Rosie came along and you took her sightseeing and shopping. Sam always got her something from every city he went to.

With Sam, you were living a life you couldn’t even dream of. You loved traveling the world with him and watching him on stage. Everything about his life was wild, exciting, and electrifying. But more than anything, you loved who he was off stage. Sam was sweet, funny, and caring. Even though he had a lot on his plate and life got the best of him sometimes, he would drop everything to be with you when you wanted or needed him, and you did the same for him.

Speaking of dropping everything, that wild, crazy life with Sam came to a screeching halt the day you found out you were pregnant. The two of you quickly had to learn to grow up. Late nights at bars turned into early nights asleep in bed. Afternoon smoke sessions turned into morning doctor appointments. Traveling the world turned into traveling the city to every Target within a twenty mile radius until you found the right stroller.

In just a few months, there was a ring on your finger, Sam’s upstairs office was converted into a nursery, and you were stepping over dog gates that separated almost every room.

The house you built a relationship with Sam in would soon be the house you built a family with him in; and you couldn’t have been more excited.

Time flew by and before he knew it, Sam had three girls who shared his heart. Rosie, you, and your daughter. Sam was a girl dad in every way, shape, and form; and he loved every second of it.

Sam was careful with Rosie and the baby. He let Rosie near her to get used to her but he never left her alone with Rosie. He wasn’t sure how Rosie would react to her, or how she would react to Rosie. Babies are unpredictable and so are dogs.

Rosie was intrigued by your daughter. She would get as close as possible, sitting at Sam’s feet as he fed her or laying on Sam as he laid on the couch with the baby in his arms, trying to get her to sleep. Sam would prop the baby up on Rosie like she was a pillow and he’d give her a bottle. Rosie would stay still until your daughter was finished drinking. Sam thought it was the cutest thing. His entire camera roll was just pictures of the two of them.

Your daughter was intrigued by Rosie too. When she could crawl, she’d scoot over to the gates separating the rooms, stick her fingers in them, and Rosie would lick them, making your daughter giggle. Once she could walk, she would stick her own snacks through the gates to feed Rosie- which you quickly had to put an end to once Rosie got hold of a chocolate cookie and spent the night at the vet- which Sam dubbed the scariest night of his life.

As she got older, Sam slowly exposed the two of them to each other more, getting rid of the gates completely and letting them play together with supervision. His mission was to teach Rosie how to be a good big sister and teach your daughter that dogs can be and should be loved the same way people love people.

TWO

Sam sat next to you on the couch with your daughter in his lap and Rosie in yours.

“Baby, you have to be gentle with her, look,” Sam said as he took your daughter’s hand in his and stroked Rosie’s back.

“See?” he said softly, “Here, you can do it yourself.”

Your daughter looked up at Sam with wide eyes as he let go of her hand so she could pet Rosie herself. She was only two and had just gotten used to fully understanding how to play with Rosie. For a while she would try to sit on her or pull her, and you and Sam would have to intervene so neither of them got hurt. He decided this was a good age to teach her how to be gentle.

Rosie wagged her tail as your daughter gently ran her hand down her back. You watched her tiny, chubby fingers relax on Rosie’s fur as she gave her soft strokes.

“Daddy I did it!” she cheered, looking at the two of you for approval. Sam’s eyes sparkled looking at her and he gave her the biggest, open mouth smile you’d ever seen from him.

“I yove you Wosie,” she said with her little voice, giving Rosie a kiss on the top of her head.

You swore you saw Sam’s eyes get a little teary. You loved Sam’s eyes. They were your favorite physical feature on him. The way they turned down just a little bit in the outer corners. The way you could see the white underneath the irises of them. The way his left eyelid drooped down just a bit more than his right. They were like two crescent moons. They were perfect. And what made them even more perfect was the fact that he passed them down to your daughter. It was the first thing you noticed about her when she was born. She had those sweet Sammy eyes. Everytime you looked at her, you saw his soft eyes, and they melted your heart.

You snapped back to reality as Sam got up from the couch and placed your daughter in the spot he once occupied. He went to the kitchen and came back with a bag of dog treats. The crinkling of the bag got Rosie’s attention and she jumped off the couch and stood at Sam’s feet.

Your daughter crawled from her spot on the couch into your lap and turned her attention to Sam, who was standing in the middle of the living room.

“Watch me, Baby. Daddy’s gonna show you tricks he taught Rosie,” he said, digging his hand into the bag and pulling out a little dog biscuit. He held it out to her and spoke clearly and calmly.

“Rose, sit,” he said.

Immediately, Rosie dropped down to sit and Sam tossed the treat down to her. She caught it in her mouth and chomped on it. Your daughter laughed wildly and clapped. Her little legs kicked around as she cheered.

“Do it again, Daddy!”

Sam repeated his action, this time saying, “Roll over,” to which Rosie did exactly what he said. He got down low, put the treat in his hand, and Rosie stood up to eat it from his palm. He scratched Rosie behind her ears as she chewed the biscuit.

He looked over at your daughter on the couch who was smiling ear to ear.

“You wanna try?” he asked, looking up at her and raising his eyebrows.

She slid out of your lap and stood next to him and he got Rosie to stand upright. He handed her a treat from the bag, placing it in her little hand.

“Okay, hold it up so she can see it and say Sit, Rosie!”

“Sit, Wosie!” she commanded, holding the treat in the air, and pointing at Rosie with her other finger.

You watched her face light up as Rosie dropped to the ground to do what she said. Your daughter started cheering for herself saying “I did it! I did it like Daddy!”

You looked at Sam and you couldn’t tell who was smiling bigger, your daughter or him.

“Give her the treat, Baby,” Sam said, laughing a little at your daughter who was so excited for herself that she forgot to reward Rosie.

She jumped over to Rosie and held the treat in her hand, just as Sam did before. Rosie stood slowly and ate it from her palm.

Your daughter giggled and Rosie’s tongue lapped over her hand. She wiped it on her shirt and Sam came behind her, scooping her up and throwing her on the couch between the two of you. He tickled her while you nuzzled your face in her neck and blew raspberries on it while she continued laughing.

Rosie jumped up on the couch and into Sam’s lap, licking his face.

He moved his face around and rubbed Rosie all over, laughing.

“Looks like someone’s jealous,” you teased, placing your daughter in your lap and rubbing her stomach to calm her down a bit.

“Rose, don’t be jealous,” Sam said in between laughs, “I got enough love for all my girls,”

“You two have fun, I’m gonna take this one upstairs for a nap,” you said, as you picked up your giggly daughter and stood up in front of Sam, who was dodging Rosie’s tongue left and right.

You held her out to him and he pushed his lips out for her to give him a kiss before you took her upstairs.

After some time, your daughter settled down for a nap in her bed and you returned downstairs to see Sam laying on the couch with a calmed down Rosie laying on top of him.

You walked over to them and gave Rosie a kiss on the top of her head before pulling her off Sam and placing her on the floor below. She trotted away towards the kitchen and you turned your eyes back to Sam, who was looking up at you with love in his eyes. You climbed on top of him, your legs straddling his waist. You ran your hands up his chest and his hands ran up your thighs.

You leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. The hairs above his lips tickled your face. His lips wrapped around yours and he used them to pull you closer to him. His hands found your waist and gently pulled you lower so that you were fully sitting on his hips.

Slowly, you broke away from his lips and started planting soft kisses from the side of his mouth, to his cheek, to his ear. Your lips felt the smoothness of his skin combined with the rough hairs poking through. You kissed the spot right below his ear and up to his earlobe. That was the spot that made him go wild every time.

“Now, I want some time with Daddy,” you whispered into his ear.

“Mmm, how long do you think we have before she wakes up?” he said in a deep voice, just above a whisper, tilting his neck to the side to allow you easier access.

“Probably like an hour and a half,” you spoke into his neck as the vibrations from your voice caused goosebumps to rise on the surface of his skin and something else to rise underneath where you were sitting.

His hands snuck down from your waist, to your ass, and down the back of your thighs again. Sam’s hands were big and rough to the touch but his movements were always soft and gentle.

He sat himself up on the couch with you still in his lap. He turned so he was sitting with his feet on the floor and he gave your ass a smack, motioning for you to get up.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs and Daddy can show you some more tricks,” he said.

So much for being soft and gentle.

FOUR

It was the day of your daughter’s fourth birthday party and to say she was excited was an understatement. To her, turning four meant getting a “big girl bed.” She had been waiting for this day for a long time. It was all she had been talking about for weeks. The box of the pieces had been sitting in her room for a while now. Danny agreed to come over the morning of the party to help Sam put together her new bed and help you set up for the party. He pulled into the driveway and before he even closed his car door behind him, your daughter was out the front door and running towards him.

“Uncle Danny!” she shouted, running down the driveway and into Danny’s arms.

Rosie trotted down the driveway after her and you and Sam followed behind. Danny shut the door and walked around to the front of the car to greet her.

“Rugrat!” Danny yelled back. He picked her up and threw her in the air. She giggled as Danny continued throwing her up and catching her. He started tickling her all over and she giggled. He dug his knuckles into her head lightly and gave her a light noogie. That was her and Danny’s thing. She would play fight him anytime she saw him. They wrestled on couches and on his living room floor. He would pretend to fight back until he claimed to be too tired and worn out, declaring her the winner. Then she would brag about how she’s stronger than him for the next few days and show off her muscles to anyone and everyone.

As he held her in the air, she started kicking her legs to get down from him- but Danny kept going.

“You’re four now, I’m not going easy on you,” he teased. He was still being playful and gentle.

“No!” she laughed and fought back. Danny was right, he was going harder on her than normal now that she was a “big girl.” But he was still playing and it was all just fun and games.

She grunted and wiggled her body to get out of his grasp. Danny wasn’t doing anything bad. He was doing what they always did. But Rosie didn’t seem to think so.

Rosie started growling at Danny but he didn’t notice.

“Daniel,” Sam said slowly. “Daniel, put her down,”

Rosie let out a loud bark which got Danny’s attention. He stopped and looked at her with your daughter still in his arms.

“Hey, Rose,” he said casually.

Rosie was standing tall. Her ears were sticking up on her head. Her tail was standing upright. She was flashing her teeth. You had never seen her like this before.

“Danny,” you warned.

“Daniel,” Sam warned at the same time.

The next thing you knew, Rosie was going for Danny.

Danny put your daughter back down as Rosie jumped on him repeatedly. He held her back by her collar and tilted his head back as she barked and gnawed at him. Danny’s arm muscles were bursting out of his shirt, trying to hold her back from his face. Danny was strong but he was no match for Rosie. You could see the fear in his eyes as Rosie continued at him.

Overall, Rosie was a gentle dog. She was a good dog. But, she was loyal. She would do anything for your family, including taking out Sam’s best friend who she’s known and trusted her entire life in defense of your daughter. After all, she was part pitbull. She had some fight in her.

Sam grabbed Rosie’s collar and pulled him off Danny. He held onto her as she pulled against him. Sam’s skinny legs fought to stay put on the concrete driveway.

“Shit Rosie, what the hell was that for?” Danny said with wide eyes, catching his breath.

Rosie pulled Sam over to your daughter and she stood in between her and Danny. Sam stood next to her and continued holding onto her collar, preventing her from moving. She had the same stance as before.

Danny raised his hands as a sign of surrender.

“Rose, girl, I was just playing,” Danny explained as if Rosie could understand him.

She continued to stare him down for a second.

Your daughter leaned into Rosie’s neck, petted her back gently, and gave her a kiss at the top of her head, just as Sam had taught her years ago. You watched Rosie’s tail and ears lower and her body relaxed as your daughter calmed her and showed her there was nothing to worry about.

“Rosie, it’s just Uncle Danny. It’s okay, he’s just bein’ silly,” she said, walking over towards Danny and peeking back at Rosie to make sure she was still calm. She stood next to Danny and took his hand as she walked him closer to Rosie.

Sam loosed his grip on her collar a little as your daughter and Danny slowly walked over to Rosie. Danny’s steps were hesitant and he held his palm out for Rosie. She sniffed it and started licking it, indicating that she was okay with Danny.

Danny and Sam exchanged looks and you watched Sam mouth “What the fuck?” to him as Danny shook his head. He looked down at your daughter and then back at Sam, still wide eyed.

Sam let go of Rosie’s collar and Danny knelt down in front of her. He grabbed her behind the ears and rubbed her head.

“I’m sorry girl, I was just playing,” he said.

Her tail started wagging as she licked Danny’s hand. He stood up and patted her head one last time before walking over to you and giving you a greeting hug.

“She almost killed you,” you whispered into his ear as you hugged him.

“My life flashed before my eyes, no joke,” he laughed.

“You want a beer? I know it’s 10 in the morning, but, I mean,” you laughed.

“A beer? Y/N, after that I need a shot!” he joked.

The five of you turned to walk back towards the house, with Rosie and your daughter leading the way.

Danny and Sam went upstairs to build her full sized bed. You met them upstairs with a beer for each of them and stood behind your daughter in her doorway, watching the scene for a bit.

Her and Rosie sat in the doorway with snacks and watched them. Your daughter was eating pretzels out of a cup. She’d pop one in her mouth and then reach next to her for the bag of peanut butter bites and hold one out for Rosie. It was almost as if Rosie was still protecting her from Danny. She didn’t need protection from him. But, Rosie was going to give it anyway.

“Shit, we put that piece on backwards,” Sam said, looking down at the instruction booklet and then pointing to a piece of wood a few feet away.

“Daddy, don’t say shit,” she giggled.

“Oop,” he said with his eyes wide, “Don’t tell Mommy I said that,” he whispered, giving her a little wink.

“I’m right here, Sam,” you laughed.

His head shot up and flashed you that goofy, angelic Sam smile, acting like he was completely innocent. That smile made you melt every time and he knew it. You smiled, rolled your eyes, and stepped over your daughter and Rosie, entering the room. You handed him and Danny each a beer and looked around at the mess of wood and screws on the floor.

“You guys gonna finish this today or does she have to wait until she’s five?” you joked.

“It’ll get done,” Sam paused, “Eventually,” he laughed, taking a sip of the beer and reaching for the piece of the bed he messed up on.

“Can I try that, Daddy?” you heard a little voice interrupt. You turned around and looked down to see your daughter pointing to the beer in Sam’s hand.

Sam looked up at you and raised his eyebrows, silently asking for your approval. You knew he didn’t mind. His thought was that kids should be exposed to adult things as they grow up so they don’t go crazy when they’re older. He had a point. His parents exposed him to things like that. Sure, he had a couple hiccups and a small run-in with the law but he turned out fine in the long run.

“A sip,” you said firmly.

Sam waved her over and she got up with Rosie following behind her. The two of them stood in between Sam and Danny. Sam held the bottle of beer to her lips and tilted it up slowly. The tiniest sip entered her mouth and Sam pulled the bottle back. She licked her lips and smiled.

“What do you think?” he asked, tilting his head to get a good look at her face.

A huge smile lit up her face. That answered Sam’s question instantly.

You, Sam, and Danny all exchanged looks and laughed at her reaction.

“Well, if her eyes didn’t already give it away, this sure does. She is one hundred percent your child.” you laughed and turned to leave the room.

“Beer and pretzels,” Danny laughed, digging his hand into her snack cup, “Smart kid.”

After some time, the bed frame was complete and Sam and Danny made sure it was sturdy and safe. They threw the mattress on top and jumped on it to make sure it wasn’t going to collapse. You walked back into the room with sheets and blankets to see them on top of each other, wrestling and laughing. They looked like two little kids. Sure they were both married and had kids, but deep down they were still kids themselves.

“You guys better stop before Danny almost gets killed again,” you warned playfully.

Your words got their attention and snapped them back into reality. They continued laughing as they got up off each other and off the bed. You put the sheets and blankets on and your daughter ran over to it and jumped on it instantly.

Danny gathered all the garbage and the boxes off the floor and took them out to the garbage.

You and Sam stood at the foot of it and she held each of your hands as she jumped. Her standing on the bed made her just the same height as you, and just a little shorter than Sam. She was having the time of her life. She threw herself down and wiggled around a little. She rolled back and forth from side to side. You could tell she loved how big her new bed was.

The rest of your day was all about her and her party. She put on her favorite outfit, put a matching collar on Rosie, and had the best day of her life.

When the party was over, you and Sam tucked her into her big girl bed, said goodnight, wished her a happy birthday, and turned to leave when Rosie trotted into the room. She jumped into your daughter’s bed and made herself comfortable. Your daughter instantly wrapped her arms around her and used her as a pillow. The biggest smile spread across her face as she rested her head on Rosie. You knew that smile. It was the same smile you saw on Sam the night you slept over at Sam’s for the first time. She was in heaven.

That night, Rosie slept in your daughter’s bed for the first time. It was perfect now that there was space for her. She had always slept with you and Sam, until that night. She never came back to you and Sam at night after that. From that day on, Rosie was your daughter’s protector. She may have been an only child, but she still had a big sister. The bond the two of them had was unbreakable and it was unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Seeing the love the two of them had for each other made your heart swell up completely. You loved your two little girls with all your heart. And you made sure to save just a little bit of love in your heart for Sam too.

SIX

As she got older, Sam started teaching your daughter how to care for Rosie. He taught her how to feed her, how to bathe her, how to walk her, and how to clean up after her. She loved taking care of Rosie. It was never a chore for her. She never had to be asked to help, she always just did it.

Her favorite thing to do was brush Rosie’s fur. You bought her a little brush for her to do it with. She would sit with Rosie on her lap and watch TV as she gently ran the comb down her back. It seemed to be Rosie’s favorite thing too. It definitely relaxed her considering she would fall asleep every time it happened. Not to mention, you loved it because it meant less stray hair you had to vacuum up.

You walked into your daughter’s bedroom at night to help Sam put her to bed. It was almost midnight. Greta Van Fleet played a pop up show in Nashville and you had all just gotten home from it. Even Rosie tagged along. It was just like old times for her and she still fit right into Sam’s rockstar world.

It was your daughter’s first Greta show ever and Sam absolutely loved having her there. You left Rosie backstage with the guys’ manager and the two of you sat next to his side of the stage. It was tricky explaining what Sam did as a job at first and why there were thousands of people waiting to see him and her uncles. His fans were good about not stopping him when he was with her in public so she didn’t really understand that he was famous. She didn’t know what it meant to be famous to begin with. She knew he played music but that was it. However, once the show started, she quickly understood what it all meant.

Sam came over to you two often as he played. He blew kisses to you both and threw a rose to her.

When it was over, he walked off the stage and over to where you were. The fans screamed as he gave you a quick peck and pulled her out of your arms and over the railing, carrying her backstage with him. You joined them and Rosie backstage to finish the night. You spent a little bit of time drinking and hanging out with everyone. All the kids went off with Rosie and security and played with her in the empty arena as the venue got cleaned up and packed up. Once it started getting too late and your sleepy daughter returned to you and laid her head in your lap, you knew it was time to call it a night.

Upon returning home, you fed Rosie, showered, and went to tuck your daughter into bed. You entered the room to see Sam sitting on her bed, brushing her wet hair as she sat on a pillow on the floor underneath him. She was fresh out of the shower, in pajamas, and ready for bed. He was also in pajamas with his hair dripping wet and his eyes blinking slowly. You were all ready for bed.

You spotted Rosie laying in your daughter’s lap with her eyes shut. Your daughter had the brush in one hand and the rose Sam threw her in the other hand. She was brushing the fur on her back gently and slowly as Rosie fell asleep. You watched your daughter’s brush strokes gradually slow down as her hand got tired and her eyes started closing.

Her head would start drooping down as she sat there but as soon as Sam would brush out a knot, the pulling of her hair would snap her awake again.

Sam sprayed detangler in her hair and she winced as he tackled the knots. She let out little whines as he started pulling down on it with the brush. She was in pain and it was clear that the only thing she wanted to do was sleep.

“I know, Baby, I know, I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I get knots in my hair too. Especially after shows like tonight. Mommy’s gonna brush mine out for me,” he said, looking up at you and giving you a lazy smile.

You took the rose from her and put it in a cup of water next to her bed as you sat down next to Sam. You rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. You wrapped your hand around his neck and scratched the hair at the base of his head. A soft smile spread across his face. You took in his freshly washed scent and gave his cheek soft little kisses.

Sam continued working on her hair for a few more minutes. Once the knots were out, he put in a loose braid and secured it with a hair tie of his that was on his finger.

“There, all done, Angel,” Sam said.

Sam pulled your sleepy daughter up off the floor and turned her to face him. She gave you both lazy hugs and kisses and she crawled into bed next to where the two of you were sitting. A very sleepy Rosie followed behind her and cuddled herself into bed alongside your daughter. Sam gave Rosie a few pats on her back and a kiss on the head.

You got up and started heading for the door, thinking Sam was right behind you. You turned around to see him lying in your daughter’s bed, all smooshed up next to her and Rosie.

Sam loved tucking your daughter into bed. He would lay there and hum to her and Rosie until they fell asleep. And sometimes, Sam would fall asleep himself and you’d have to wake him up and drag him to bed with you. Tonight was one of those nights. He was absolutely exhausted after the past few days he had. It was weeks of preparation just for this one show. His eyes were puffy and the dark circles underneath them could be seen from miles away.

You walked over to him and ran your hands over his cheeks and down to his beard. You rubbed the hair on his chin with your thumb and his eyes opened slowly.

“Sammy, Baby, come on,” you whispered. You grabbed his hand and pulled him gently out of the bed he was in. He groaned as his feet hit the floor and he stood upright. He continued to hold your hand as he rested his chin on your shoulder. With his eyes still more than halfway closed, he leaned on you and followed you out of the room as you flicked off the light and shut the door quietly.

You led him into your room and grabbed some hair oil from the bathroom before settling into bed for the night.

You laid down in bed with your back pressed against the headboard. You opened your legs for Sam to lay in between them. He lazily pulled his shirt off and laid down with his head resting on your stomach. You pumped some of the oil into your palms and ran it through Sam’s damp hair. Sam tilted his head back onto your lap and you ran your fingers through his hair to detangle it gently with your fingers. You took a peek at some of the faded brown hair coming from his scalp. Ones that would have previously grown out brown, but had now faded to an ashy gray color.

You ran your hands down onto his face, letting his beard absorb any excess oil. The hair on his face had grown in more, now covering more of his cheeks and jaw.

You continued moving your hands down to his chest, rubbing it up and down. You felt the muscles in his chest relax as he breathed deeply and slowly.

“You were so good tonight, Baby,” you whispered, slowly moving your hands back up to massage his scalp.

He let out a few hums, letting you know he liked what you were doing.

“Mmm, thank you. Thank you for bringing the girls tonight,” he mumbled.

“We wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” you said, kissing the top of his head as a tiny smile appeared on his face.

You watched his eyes slowly start to close as you continued massaging his scalp. You felt his entire body completely relax and melt into yours. After a few minutes, his legs twitched and he turned on his side, wrapping his arms around your back and using your stomach as a pillow. You ran your fingers lightly up and down his back as he drifted off into a much needed sleep. You were in heaven. If you had it your way, you’d stay in this moment with him forever. Even though you loved that crazy rockstar life the two of you lived years ago and had a little taste of tonight, this was better. You wouldn’t trade this for the world.

You looked down at him and smiled before drifting off to sleep yourself.

EIGHT

“Oh, come on! What are you scared of?” Jake’s son yelled to your daughter as she sat on the front steps of your house with her chin in her hand and Rosie’s head in her lap. He swirled around the empty driveway on his skateboard.

You and Jita sat on the front porch, cocktails in hand, waiting for Jake and Sam to come back from the store with more alcohol and food. It was the end of summer and you and Sam wanted to have a little cookout just for fun. You two were in your own conversation but you simultaneously listened in to the kids’ conversation as it played out.

“She’s too fast, I’ll fall!” your daughter yelled back.

Jake’s son was his son and your daughter was Sam’s daughter. Period. He was wild, reckless, and carefree. Getting hurt was an afterthought. She, on the other hand, was a little more thoughtful and cautious. Don’t be fooled- she had Sam’s adventurous side too, but she inherited his smartness, which overshadowed that (at least for now). Not to mention, your nephew was twelve and your daughter was eight. It was only a four year difference, but in the kid world, that was big.

He rode over to her and skidded to a stop in front of her. He held out her jump rope and his skateboard to her.

“It’s gonna be fine,” he assured her. “It’s okay to have fun, you know,” he said, making fun of her a little.

“I do have fun,” she replied sourly.

“Prove it,” he shot back. Yeah, he was Jake.

He had been letting Rosie pull him up and down the street on his skateboard for the better part of an hour while Jake and Sam were out. Every time he jumped off the board, she would come running back to him and they’d return to the top of the street and do it all again.

She stood up, tied the jump rope around Rosie’s collar, and walked her down the driveway and out onto the street with her cousin following behind her. That was another thing about her that was similar to Sam. Sam was the youngest of his family, so he always had to prove himself. And she was the youngest of all her cousins, so she was in the same boat he was as a kid.

He helped her get on his skateboard and put the jump rope in her hands. He put his black helmet on her head and buckled it for her. You saw Jake in him as he buckled it for her. Very kind and sweet. A gentleman.

“If it gets too fast, just bail. She’ll stop running when she feels you let go,” he explained.

He stepped back and stood on the sidewalk. Rosie started walking and the two of them smiled at each other as Rosie slowly started pulling your daughter down the street on the skateboard. A bigger smile lit up her face as Rosie got faster and the wind blew through her hair. After a little, it got too fast for her and she let go of the jump rope and hopped off the skateboard as it came to a stop.

She expected Rosie to stop, but Rosie didn’t stop. She continued running down the street with the jump rope trailing behind her.

Your daughter chased after her and called back to her cousin for help.

“Shit,” he said. He started running down the street after Rosie. His long, black hair flapped in the wind as he ran. He was fast and he passed your daughter, getting closer and closer to Rosie as he continued down the street. Your daughter stopped running when her little legs and lungs couldn’t keep up anymore, but he continued running.

You and Jita stood up and continued watching from the porch. There was nothing you could do but hold your breath and hope Rosie would stop or your nephew would catch her.

“Soccer paid off I guess,” you said.

She nodded, biting her nails.

Your daughter had moved onto the sidewalk but her son was the one running down the middle of the street at full speed, chasing a dog that wasn’t even his.

“Car!” you heard her little voice yell from the sidewalk. He looked back at her and then back at Rosie who was headed straight for the car. You caught a glimpse of panic on his face. He knew Sam would kill him if anything happened to Rosie. But, Jake would kill Sam if anything happened to his son because he was trying to save a dog that once again, wasn’t even his.

You saw a black car in the distance coming down the street. The car came to a quick stop in the middle of the street and the doors flung open. The sudden halt of the car spooked Rosie and she stopped in her tracks, thankfully.

You let out a sigh of relief when you saw Sam and Jake get out of the car.

Rosie ran over to Sam and jumped on him excitedly. It was as if he was saving her life and she couldn’t have been happier to see him. He held onto the jump rope to keep her close and calm her down a bit.

Jake’s son caught up to them and rested his hands on his knees, breathing hard after sprinting down the street. Jake walked over to him and smacked the back of his head.

“Seriously? How stupid are you?” Jake asked rhetorically.

“Dad, I, I thought she would stop running!” he explained, dodging another smack.

Sam handed the jump rope to him and told him to take Rosie back to the house. He looked at Jake and opened up his arms like What the fuck is wrong with your kid?

Sam got back in the car, drove slowly down the remainder of the street, and pulled into the driveway. As he got out of the car, the kids and Rosie were walking back up the driveway together with Jake supervising.

Sam was furious but he was holding it in.

You walked over to help Sam unload the trunk and he was silent. You gave him a kiss but he didn’t return it to you. His jaw was tense and his eyes were fixated on the beer in the trunk.

Sam never usually got mad. The only things that would really set him off were when he and Josh would disagree on ideas, or when he was stuck at work late at night. But on the rare chance he would get mad, he shut himself down and shut everyone else out.

The kids got back to the house and Rosie walked up the front steps and laid down under the table on the porch. Jake handed his son a case of beer and gestured for him to take it through the garage and into the house.

“Uncle Sammy, it’s my fault, I thought Rosie would stop running. I guess she was too small and Rosie didn’t feel it,” he explained.

“It’s okay,” Sam said, pulling out another case of beer from the trunk, “You just have to think sometimes, kid. There’s a brain in there somewhere, right?” he said, placing his hand on his nephew’s head and pushing him playfully.

He was being nice. It wasn’t okay.

Once the kids and the guys finished taking the drinks and food inside, Jake came back outside with the kids and you told him the whole story. Sam was nowhere to be found.

After a few minutes, you smelled the faint smell of cigarette smoke and followed it to the backyard. You opened the gate and walked into the backyard to see Sam, standing on the back patio with a cigarette in hand and staring off into the distance as he blew smoke out of his mouth.

“I thought you quit,” you said quietly as you walked over and stood next to him.

“I keep a pack in the garage,” he admitted shamefully, looking down and not making eye contact with you. He could tell you were disappointed in him. He was disappointed in himself. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw him smoke a cigarette.

You looked over at him and sighed as he lifted the cigarette back to his lips. He closed his eyes and took a long drag of it. He blew the smoke out away from you and sighed.

“I know this sounds stupid but,” he paused, “If anything happens to that dog, I, I don’t know what I’ll do,” he said, shaking his head.

“It’s not stupid,” you said quietly, taking the cigarette from his hands.

You looked at him sympathetically. He wasn’t upset about the situation with the skateboard. He was upset because the thought of losing Rosie just crossed his mind for the first time ever. And not just losing her in the street, because she was safe now and Sam knew that. This had more to do with the fact that his mind was now open to the idea of losing her slowly. The truth was, she was getting older and he may only have a few years left with her. This was something he never had to think about before, and now it was all he could think about.

He reached to get the cigarette back from you but you wrapped your hands around his back and kept hold of the cigarette between your fingers and out of his sight.

He dropped his shoulders in defeat and rested his forehead on your shoulder.

You traced your fingers down his back with your free hand to calm him.

“Baby, she’s getting older. She’s not gonna be around forever,”

“I know,” he whispered, “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.

You kissed the side of his head and kept your lips close to his temple.

“You know I’m here if you ever want to, right?” you assured him.

“Yeah, thank you,” he whispered, lifting his face and looking you in the eye.

You smiled softly at him and ran your hand down his cheek. He pushed his lips out to you and you gave him a gentle kiss. You broke away from him and grabbed onto his chin, pulling down his bottom lip with your thumb as you pulled the cigarette from behind you and into his sight again.

“Your breath is terrible from this thing by the way,” you laughed as you threw the cigarette on the patio behind him, and turned to step on it and put it out.

He smiled and whispered, “Sorry,”

“It’s okay. Now come on,” you said as you gave his butt a little smack, “I want you to make me one of your strong Sammy margaritas.”

He led you up the back steps and into the kitchen where the entire counter top was filled with bottles of alcohol.

Josh, Danny, their wives, and kids arrived at the house shortly after. As the day turned into night, Rosie stayed by Sam’s side. She knew he was on edge and having her near him calmed him down a lot. She sat at his feet under the patio table and rested her head on his knee, just to let him know she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. All night, he stroked her head and fed her pieces of steak until she fell asleep at his feet.

Once everyone went home and everything was cleaned up, you and Sam put your daughter to bed and had a little talk with her. You sat on the edge of the bed and he laid down next to her and sat up on his elbow.

“You’re lucky it was me in that car, you know that, right?” he asked.

She nodded.

“What if your cousin couldn’t catch her, huh? What if she ran away? What if she got run over?”

“Sam-” you interjected. You knew he was upset at what happened earlier today and he wanted to make sure your daughter learned her lesson. But you didn’t want him to take this too far. After all, she was only eight.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, realizing he was being a little too harsh.

“Sorry, I know that was a lot, Baby. I just got scared, that’s all. I want to make sure you keep Rosie safe the same way she keeps you safe. Okay? Especially now that she’s a little older,”

Tears filled your daughters eyes and you saw her fighting back a little pout.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” she said as the tears overflowed her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She wiped them with her comforter.

Sam rubbed her face gently and calmed her down. He reassured her that he wasn’t mad at her and that everything was okay. He told her that her getting older just meant she had to care for Rosie in a different way than she did before, and she seemed to understand that.

He gave her one last kiss on the cheek for the night, stood up, and looked down at Rosie, who was patiently waiting on the floor. She stood up by your daughter’s bed and Sam waited for her to jump on.

She tried but she couldn’t get up. You knew why. Sam knew why.

He reached down, grabbed her, placed her in bed next to your daughter, and gave her a kiss on the top of the head.

He looked at her for a second. You saw the way he looked at her. It was different than any other time. It was almost as if he was realizing this could be the beginning of the end.

He turned to you and led you out of the room, shutting off the light, and closing the door behind him.

TEN

Sam was leaving again. This time for two months. You were used to him leaving. You understood that was part of being with him. Before your daughter came along, you’d be right there beside him, cheering for him every night. But things changed. Family happened.

The band took a little hiatus after all the guys started getting married and having kids. But as the kids got older, things started picking back up for the band again. They put out a new album and did a little US tour for it. But now it was time for them to set out to tour it and promote it worldwide.

Your daughter understood that her dad’s job meant he had to leave sometimes. Usually, he’d leave for a few days or for a week at a time for work. But it was always in the states so the time differences weren’t ever too crazy. You could still talk on the phone and Facetime throughout the day. But this was the longest time he’d be away, and the farthest. The band was going to Australia, Europe, and ending the run in South America.

Anytime Sam would leave, he’d do it in the middle of the night. He would kiss your daughter and Rosie goodbye at around nine before bed. Once your daughter was asleep, he’d finish packing and leave at around midnight. It was better this way. She didn’t have to see him walk out the door. It would break both of their hearts too much.

But this time was different, not just because of length and distance. This time, Sam was taking Rosie with him. She was getting older and he wanted to bring her on tour one last time before she got too old to go. You could see it in her. The fur around her eyes started graying, she got lazy, stopped running, and she started to gain weight. Sam knew this would be the final time he could take her with him on the road. She was a road dog back in her prime and Sam wanted her to relive her glory days for one final run.

A few minutes ago, he grabbed Rosie from your daughter’s bed to sneak her out. It was going to be your job to explain it in the morning when she realized Rosie was gone. Yeah, she would be upset, but it would be easier this way. This way, you didn’t have to hear her beg him to let Rosie stay and he wouldn’t have to explain to her that Rosie was getting old, which he didn’t want to do. You both saw it in Rosie, but your daughter didn’t quite understand that yet. It also didn’t help that Rosie aging was always in the back of Sam’s mind.

Rosie was sitting by Sam’s suitcases by the front door, ready to go. It was almost as if she knew she was going. She sensed it.

Sam’s Uber was already ordered and you were helping him pack his backpack with last minute things when you heard little footsteps coming down the stairs.

You turned to see your daughter in the kitchen doorway with tears in her eyes.

“Are you leaving, Daddy?” she asked, wiping the tears off her cheek and sniffling.

Sam froze and closed his eyes for a second. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. You could tell he was fighting back tears. The truth was, he didn’t want to leave; which was another reason why he was taking Rosie with him. He wanted a piece of home with him.

He turned around, walked over to her, and crouched down to get on her level. He held her hands and rubbed them with his thumbs. He spoke quietly and calmly to her.

“It’s just for a little bit, you know that. I’ll be home soon. And you’re gonna come to see me in a couple weeks, right?”

You looked at your daughter and nodded, reassuring her. She knew you planned to see him in Italy and spend a few days there while he had some time off.

Sam continued, “And when you do, I’ll take you to get real Italian pizza. Sound good?” he asked.

She smiled a little and nodded. Sam wiped her tears and kissed her cheek.

“But you’re taking Rosie, aren’t you?” she asked with her voice cracking and tears filling her eyes once again.

She was like Sam. She was smart. She could sense something was different about this trip that the two of you weren’t telling her.

Sam let out a sigh, “Baby, Rosie’s getting old. She won’t be able to travel for much longer. I’m just gonna take her with me one last time, okay?”

She started tearing up again at his words, realizing she would be without not only him, but Rosie too. She has been without him before, but never without Rosie.

He took off the jacket he was wearing, leaving him in a white T-shirt and black jeans. It was one of his favorites. It was blue with brown trim and it had little white patterns all over it. Like all of Sam’s clothes, he’s had it forever and had zero intention of ever getting rid of it.

“I’ll tell you what,” he began.

He put the jacket over her head and when her head popped back up out of the neck hole there was a huge smile on her face. She put her arms in and hugged herself, wrapping herself up in the soft, worn out fabric. She was drowning in it. She brought the sleeve up to her face and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of her dad on it. You couldn’t see her smile but you could see it in her eyes that she was smiling.

Sam continued, “You keep this and you keep Rosie. You keep her with you, and bring her when you come to see me, okay?”

Tears filled your eyes as you watched the two of them. You couldn’t tell if this was warming your heart or breaking it. You knew Sam would give up a lot for your daughter. He already has given up a lot for her. He gave up his partying, his youth, and his carefree life. You knew he wanted this trip with Rosie more than anything to relive all that, and still, he was giving it up for her.

The silly and adventurous Sam you met when you were in your twenties had turned into a responsible and selfless man and father right before your eyes.

His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket so see an Uber notification that the car had arrived.

“Be good for Mom and take care of Rosie, okay? Love you,” he said as he gave her one last kiss on the cheek and stood up to you. You saw her mouth the words Love you too.

You handed him his white corduroy jacket that he left sitting on the couch and he threw it on over his T-shirt.

You looked at him with tears in your eyes, trying to hide your emotions from your daughter who was watching the entire thing.

“Come here, shhh,” he whispered. He held you close and rocked you back and forth for a minute. Tears ran down your cheeks and landed on the shoulder of his jacket. You pulled away and wiped your face and eyes dry. Sam still held the small of your back and tucked your hair behind your ear.

“I love you,” he said. His voice was velvety soft and calming. Just hearing that relaxed you and gave you all the comfort you needed.

“Love you too. Be safe,” you said softly, giving him a gentle kiss. He wrapped his arms around you and held onto you just a little bit longer than usual before giving you one last kiss on the lips, pulling himself away, and walking towards the door.

On his way out, he bent down to give Rosie a kiss and grabbed his bags.

You, your daughter, and Rosie all stood at the door and watched Sam get in the car with the darkness of the night surrounding him. You held her close to you and Rosie sat at her feet as you waved him goodbye. You rubbed your hand on her back as she pressed her body into yours, feeling the softness of Sam’s jacket on her. As the car drove off he blew three kisses out the window, one for each of you.

Once the car was gone you led Rosie and your daughter back upstairs and into bed. Your daughter kept Sam’s sweater on and clutched Rosie tight in bed. After that day, that sweater wasn’t Sam’s anymore, it was your daughter’s. That was one more thing he gave up for her.

Once you made sure she was okay and asleep, you went to your room and fell asleep with the scent of Sam on the sheets surrounding you.

TWELVE

It was a gloomy day and you and Sam were laying on opposite sides of the couch. He had been fighting a cold for the past week and it was finally coming to an end. You kept your distance from each other for a while but the lack of physical contact was killing him. He had been pretty miserable for the past week but he was slowly getting back to his normal self. All he wanted to do was relax when the sound of the front door slamming made him jump.

You sat up to see your daughter and Rosie, soaking wet in the doorway. She had taken Rosie out for a walk, hoping to get her outside for a bit before the rain came. But she was too late.

“Woah, what happened?” Sam asked in a bit of a nasally voice as he got up from the couch and walked over to the entryway to help her.

“We were coming home from the park and it started pouring!” she explained, “And with Rosie being a little slowpoke now…” she joked.

Rosie skidded and slipped across the tile floor. Once she got her balance, she shook out her fur, getting water everywhere. Droplets hit the walls, scattered all over the floor, and fell on your daughter, and Sam.

You grabbed a towel from the hall closet and handed it to Sam. He knelt down and wrapped Rosie up in it like a burrito as the smell of wet dog filled the room.

“Sam, I know you can’t really smell her right now but she stinks. She needs a bath,” you said sympathetically.

Sam rubbed Rosie all over to dry her a bit and sighed. This was the last thing he wanted to do.

“I can help you, Dad!” your daughter said eagerly as she pulled her wet hoodie off, leaving her in a dry t-shirt.

“Yeah, come on,” he groaned as he lifted Rosie up into his arms and headed for the stairs.

She followed behind him and you stayed downstairs to clean up the entryway. Once it was clean and dry, you joined the rest of your family in the guest bathroom upstairs.

Normally, Sam would give Rosie baths in the backyard with the hose. There was practically no clean up and she could dry off fully in the sun afterwards. But this time was different. It was the middle of fall and it was raining. There was no chance of going outside. Over the years, Sam and your daughter had mastered giving Rosie baths during the winter. They would work together to clean her up in the tub and shower her off in no time.

When you entered the bathroom, Sam and your daughter had gotten Rosie into the tub and Sam had the shower head in his hand, running a gentle stream of warm water over her body. The front of his shirt was already soaked from a combination of rain and shower water.

You sat on the counter top and watched them. You handed your daughter supplies and got towels ready for when they were done. Rosie didn’t particularly like baths so your daughter was holding her steady to calm her while Sam did the work. He handed her the shower head to hold onto and she held it down while he poured dog shampoo into his hands and onto Rosie.

He rubbed it all over her body and before you knew it, she was covered in bubbles. Sam scrubbed her all over, from her head to her toes, making sure she was fully cleaned. The whole time he did it, he spoke to her gently reassuring her with, “You’re doing so good, girl,” and “See, not so bad right?”

As Sam reached his hand out to hold the shower head again, a very soapy Rosie decided it would be a good time to shake herself off.

Bubbles and water flew everywhere. Small bubbles floated freely through the air and the two of them winced as chunks of bubbles landed in their hair and on their faces.

Sam let out an “Ah,” and your daughter screeched as the bubbles hit them.

The two of them looked at Rosie and looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. It was your favorite laugh that Sam had. It was a little giggle with a few snorts here and there. Those giggles combined with his stuffy nose made his laugh even funnier and the three of you got lost in that moment together.

“Rose, what was that for? Huh?” he said in between laughs, wiping his face with his shirt.

Your heart melted just a little bit there. Sam needed that moment with Rosie. He needed a little bit of fun and carelessness. He needed to feel something again. If there was one thing you could count on, it was Rosie bringing that out in him.

The two of them finished Rosie up and you handed them towels to dry her off with. Sam dried her off a bit, pulled her out of the tub, and onto the bathmat under him. He rubbed her all over with the towel to fully dry her and gave her a few pats to send her off.

“Alright, get her out of here,” Sam said as he used the towels to collect any extra water off the floor.

Your daughter scooped Rosie’s big body up and held her close, burying her face in her fresh fur and taking a deep breath. She gave her kisses all over as she left the room. Sam stood up and put Rosie’s bath supplies into the basket they came from.

“Now I need a bath,” he joked as he looked down at his shirt that was filled with water and wet dog hair.

“You want one?” you asked, looking over at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you said softly, “Might make you feel better,”

Sam looked to the floor and thought for a second.

“That does sound kind of nice,” he admitted.

“What if,” you began turning to him and running your hand along the side of his face, resting it on his neck, “You finish cleaning up here and meet me in our bathroom in a few minutes. I’ll set it up real nice for you, okay?”

“Kay,” he whispered, fighting back a smile.

You left the guest bathroom and started down the hallway for your room. You looked over the railing and down into the living room to see your daughter and Rosie laying on the couch together, watching a movie. The whole house was dark due to the lack of sunlight coming through the windows. You could hear the rain falling outside. Everything and everyone was completely at peace. Except one person. The one person who needed it the most. And you were going to take care of that right now.

You entered the bathroom and turned on the faucet, letting hot water fill up the tub. You placed fresh folded towels on the counter and washcloths on the edge of the tub. You pulled some Epsom salts out from the bottom vanity cabinet and sprinkled a few scoopfuls into the water, instantly releasing the smell of Eucalyptus into the room. You poured just a little bit of your body wash into the water to get it bubbly.

Sam walked in, locked the door behind him, and dimmed the lights.

You turned to Sam as he pulled his shirt up over his head and threw it on the floor by the door. You took a minute to appreciate him. His hair rested just below his shoulders. The way it grew out was identical to the way it was years ago. But his body was different. It filled out as he got older. His shoulders grew wider and his arms grew bigger. The hair below his belly button got thicker and darker. He had just a little bit on his chest too. And his stomach muscles sculpted his torso and led your eyes down to the waistband of his sweatpants.

You ran your hand over his head gently a few times and looked him deep in the eyes. They were tired and you could still see a little sadness lingering in them.

“Will you come in with me? I just wanna hold you,” He asked quietly.

You nodded and smiled softly at him. You saw his eyes lighten up just a bit from that.

You kissed him gently on the cheek and broke away from him so he could continue to undress himself. You got yourself undressed as well and watched him as you put your hair up.

Sam stepped over the edge of the tub and let out a sigh of relief as he sunk his tired body into the hot water. He closed his eyes and sat there for a second with the water up to his waist. Then, he sucked in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and lowered his head under the water. His hair fanned out into the water, getting fully wet. Bubbles rose to the surface as he exhaled through his mouth and brought his head back up for air. He pushed his wet hair out of his face and rested his head against the tiles behind him.

He smiled up at you and tilted his head for you to come in. He held a lazy hand out to you and you took it, holding it for balance as you stepped into the tub, and sat down in between his legs. You leaned your back against his chest and closed your eyes. You could hear it in his breathing that the steam from the bath water and the scent of the salts were already helping his cold.

He ran his fingers up and down your arms, leaving a trail of water behind as he traced little circles. He gave your shoulders little wet kisses as droplets of water left his beard and trickled down your back. You pulled his hand up and interlocked your fingers with his. You brought his hand to your mouth and kissed his knuckles gently.

Eventually, his hands wrapped around you just above the water and he rested them over your chest. You held onto his forearms and rubbed them gently with your thumbs.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, just relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet. Sam’s breathing slowed down and you smiled to yourself as you heard him fully able to breathe through his nose again. You could tell he started to fall asleep. You let him. He needed it.

The only noises in the house were the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the house above you and Sam snoring lightly behind you. Finally, everyone, including Sam, was at peace.

After some time, you sat up, turned around, and the movement of the water around Sam woke him up.

He raised his eyebrows, took in a deep breath through his nose, and smiled.

“I can breathe again,” he sighed happily. His congested voice was all gone and he sounded much more like his normal self.

“You sound good,” you whispered, running your hand over his face and rubbing your thumb along his cheekbone.

“I feel good,” he said.

“You wanna finish up?” you asked, handing him a bottle of shampoo.

He took it and squeezed some into his hands and brought his hands to his head. He rubbed it through his hair, getting it all bubbly.

He looked at you with that goofy smile that made you melt every time and you knew the gears were turning in his head.

Without warning, just like Rosie, he shook his head, letting bubbles of soap fly everywhere.

Your eyes squeezed shut as bubbles hit your face. You opened your eyes to see a very soapy Sam laughing and smiling back at you. You couldn’t even be mad at him. He looked absolutely adorable right now.

You returned a smile to him and brought your hand up to his face to wipe the bubbles from his cheeks. He closed his eyes as you wiped them off. He was finally feeling himself. You had your Sammy back.

You sat back from him and he sank back down into the water to wash out the shampoo, making the water turn foggy with soap. You turned the faucet back on, ran the washcloths under the water, and handed him one. You squirted some body wash onto them and the two of you cleaned yourselves and each other up. He pulled the plug on the tub and as the water drained, the two of you stood up, full of soap. You giggled as you slipped around and held onto each other for balance.

He reached behind you and turned the shower on. The two of you rinsed all the soap off and enjoyed the heat of the water falling on your bodies for a bit.

Once you were both completely done, you turned the water off and stepped out of the shower.

Sam got out first and wrapped a towel around his waist. He opened up the second towel for you and wrapped it around you as you stood in front of him. He held you tightly and rubbed your back to warm you up a bit.

The two of you left the bathroom, put on pajamas, and headed downstairs to relax and have dinner.

When you entered the living room again, you found your daughter, cuddled up in blankets on the couch with Rosie next to her. Sam threw himself down on the couch and leaned on Rosie. He grabbed her and put his face on her side, taking a deep breath in.

“Mmm, you smell so good, Rose!” he said, taking deep breaths and planting kisses on her body.

You laid down next to him and pulled a blanket on top of the two of you. He looked up to the TV and a huge smile lit up his face when he saw the third Harry Potter movie on the screen.

“Did you put this one on because you know it’s my favorite?” He teased her.

“No, I put it on because it’s my favorite,” she responded, giggling.

He laid next to you and tilted his head against your chest as Rosie crawled into his lap. The four of you took up the entirety of the couch.

You looked across the couch at your little family and realized you were sitting in the same exact spot you were sitting in the day you met Rosie for the first time. Almost twenty years had gone by and some things had changed. But when you looked down at Sam, he felt the same. He was that sweet Sammy who just wanted love. And you knew he was surrounded by it.

FOURTEEN

The front door opened and you heard footsteps running up the stairs. You looked over to see your daughter’s disregarded backpack on the floor by the front door. Soon after, you heard the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut.

Sam sighed as he walked into the living room, beer in hand. Rosie walked past him and he gave her a pet as she hobbled her way toward the stairs. She was moving as slow as ever. She had arthritis in her back legs and her heart wasn’t too strong anymore so she took the steps one by one. You knew where she was going. Anytime your daughter was upset, Rosie felt it and went to comfort her.

“What was that all about?” you asked, as Sam sat down next to you and threw his head back onto the back of the couch.

“It begins,” he breathed out, gulping down the beer.

“What begins?” you asked.

“Boy problems,” he said, closing his eyes. “From what I pieced together on the drive home, it’s something about how she likes someone but somehow the whole school found out and now it’s the end of the world I guess,” he said, speaking with his hands.

You sat up and turned to him. Sam loved being a girl dad, but nothing could prepare him for this. He wasn’t ready to be a dad of a teenage girl. Things have been smooth sailing so far. But, both of you knew one day things would start to get complicated. That day was here.

“Hey,” you whispered, “We knew this would happen eventually,” you said softly, rubbing his thigh up and down.

“I know but,” he began, “I was an asshole when I was her age. I was a shitty boyfriend. I know I was. I don’t want her to go through what I put some girls through,” he explained.

He breathed out hard and drank more of the beer in his hand.

“And I dated some shitty, asshole guys and got my heart broken by them,” you replied.

He gave you a look that said You’re not helping.

“But, in the end, that all led me to you,” you said, smiling at him.

His face relaxed and he leaned towards you, giving you the softest kiss on the lips. The hairs of his mustache tickled your lip and you laughed a little with your lips still on his.

He pulled away and sighed.

“You think I should go talk to her? See if she’s okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you whispered, taking the beer from his hands and setting it on the coffee table.

You followed Sam up the stairs and towards your daughter’s door. When the two of you got close enough, you could hear her crying and talking to Rosie. The two of you leaned your heads towards the door and listened.

“You were the only one who knew, Rose. Until I told Amber. She was supposed to be my best friend. Now the entire school knows.” she said, sobbing, “And now I have to tell Mom and Dad before they find out from someone else.” You heard her voice muffle and you figured she either shoved her face in her pillow, or into Rosie.

You and Sam looked at each other, concerned. Her and Amber had been friends since kindergarten. Throughout the years they had little arguments as all friends do. But this seemed bigger. You thought maybe it was a bigger argument because it involved boys. But what was this about telling her parents before someone else did? This seemed serious. It could be anything. You were scared and even though he didn’t show it- so was Sam.

Sam took a deep breath and knocked on the door, pushing it open a little.

“Hey,” he said softly, “You wanna talk?”

You peeked into the room over Sam’s shoulder to see your daughter face down in bed, cuddling up against Rosie, using her as a pillow. Rosie was laying on Sam’s blue and white fleece jacket.

Sam walked in and you stayed in the hallway. Something told you this was a father-daughter conversation. You could see her reflection in the mirror by her door and you watched as Sam walked in and sat down on her bed next to her. He put his hand on Rosie’s head and rubbed her forehead lightly with his thumb.

He rubbed your daughter’s back with his other hand.

Anytime your daughter was upset, Rosie was the first to comfort her. Sam was the second. There have been many times throughout the years where she went to Rosie for comfort. Rosie cared for her and protected her with everything she had. It was like she listened to her and kept her secrets. Rosie wasn’t just a pet, she was her big sister.

And Sam was just as important to her as Rosie was. He was always there to listen to her and help her navigate her way through life. He had a lot of life experience and he always knew the right things to say to make her feel better. Sam wasn’t just her dad, he was her rock.

“So, the whole school knows you like a boy?” he began, trying to get the conversation moving. “So what? You’re in high school. It’s not like you’re the only one to ever like a boy,” he said.

She continued crying, not looking over at him. Sam pursed his lips, unsure of what to say next. The topic of boys never really came up before. You could tell that Sam didn’t exactly know what to do. He sat there for a little bit longer, just rubbing her back and shrugging his shoulders as he looked at you through the mirror.

He looked down at her and furrowed his eyebrows.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” he asked softly, “You don’t have to tell me. But if you want to, you can.”

She sat up and wiped her tears. Rosie rested her head in her lap and she stroked Rosie’s back gently, again, the way Sam taught her to all those years ago. It was her favorite way to pet Rosie and it was Rosie’s favorite way to be petted.

“I don’t like a boy, Dad,” she said, looking down at Rosie. Her hands stilled and she breathed deep before speaking again. She kept her head down and the tears that filled her eyes dropped down onto Rosie’s fur.

“I like,” she paused, “I like girls,” she said, her voice quivering as she spoke.

Sam looked deeply at her as he took in what he just said. His eyebrows furrowed and he titled his head down to try to look at her face. His face was full of concern. He wanted to understand her. To understand what she was thinking and feeling. But he couldn’t even begin to. All he could do was be there for her in this moment and be everything she needed him to be.

Your daughter’s eyes stayed on Rosie and her head was hanging low. She seemed scared and embarrassed. She didn’t even want to look at Sam.

“Hey,” he whispered. He put his hand on her back and lifted her chin with his knuckle. She fought him on it for a second, trying to pull her chin back down and closing her eyes.

She opened her eyes cautiously. They were filled with tears as she looked at him.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he said softly, shaking his head, “I like girls too,” he said, laughing a little. Leave it to Sam to bring humor into a serious situation.

She smiled back at him for a second before more tears flooded her eyes. He opened his arms to her and she threw herself into him, instantly. He grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight and rubbing her back up and down. You could tell she had been holding this in for a while and she was feeling every kind of emotion possible right now.

“Shhh,” Sam whispered, “Breathe, Baby. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He hugged her for a while as she continued crying. He would occasionally turn and give her a kiss on the side of her head, letting her know he loved her and he was there for her.

After some time, her crying stopped and she calmed down a bit. Sam pulled back from her and wiped her tears with his thumb.

“Listen,” he began, “I don’t care who you like. And I guarantee Mom doesn’t care either. We love you, no matter what. And as long as you’re happy and you’re respectful to whoever you love, that’s all that matters, right? And if anyone has a problem with that? Fuck them.”

She nodded and sniffled. The tiniest smile appeared on her face. She felt relieved. She felt happy. But most of all, she felt loved.

“I love you and I’m very proud of you. I want you to know that, okay. Don’t you ever for a second think anything else,” he said, looking deep into her eyes. Tears started forming in his eyes as he spoke.

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and whispered, “I love you too, Dad.”

Sam pulled back and let out a little laugh, “I can’t believe you told Rosie before you told me, though. I’m a little hurt, honestly,” he joked.

He rubbed Rosie and shook her around a little as he spoke to her, “You’re a good little secret keeper, aren’t cha, Rose?” he said, kissing the top of her head.

With that, you left the two of them alone and went downstairs to order your daughter’s favorite pizza for dinner. You figured she could use a little pick-me-up. Even if she didn’t know you knew what Sam knew just yet. When it arrived, you went back upstairs to tell the two of them dinner was ready. When you walked into your daughter’s room you stopped and smiled to yourself when you saw her and Sam laying in her bed, looking at the ceiling with his arms behind his head and with Rosie smooshed between them. It was the same way he used to lay in her bed when she was little and he was putting her to sleep.

“You ever kiss a girl?” he asked, looking at the ceiling.

“Mhm,” she replied casually.

“They’re soft, aren’t they?” he said, as a tiny smile tugged at the corners of his lips

“Yeah,” she sighed happily.

Sam had always had a lot of girls in his life and it seemed that he was going to encounter a lot more as the years went on.

SIXTEEN

You and Sam laid in bed about to go to sleep. It was close to midnight. You knew Rosie and your daughter were fast asleep in her room. Your head rested on Sam’s chest as the light from the TV lit up the room ever so slightly. You heard the door creak open softly and you lifted your head and looked to your left to see a little black nose poking its way through the opening.

“Oh, look who finally wants to come sleep with Mom and Dad,” you laughed as she walked over to Sam’s side of the bed slowly.

“She comes back to us after ten years,” Sam laughed. “You missed us, didn’t cha Rosie girl,”

She couldn’t do much except walk anymore so Sam had to get out of bed to get her. He reached down and groaned as he picked her up. He put her in bed and she laid in between the two of you, taking your spot and resting her head on Sam’s chest.

“I’ve been replaced,” you teased, rubbing Rosie’s back up and down.

Sam rested his hand on her head and rubbed her forehead with his thumb.

Sam laughed and smiled at Rosie.

“My number one girl,” he said, giving Rosie a kiss on the top of her head before her eyes closed and she fell asleep.

You looked over at them, Sam had his arm around her and his chin rested on her head. The tiniest smile was spread across Sam’s face. It had been years since she slept with him at night. He was in heaven. They were both in heaven. She felt love all around her and so did he.

Shortly after that, you started to fall asleep to the sounds of Rosie snoring and Sam breathing deeply, just like you did all those years ago when you first fell in love with the two of them.

The next morning you woke up to the sound of Sam’s voice and the bed shaking next to you.

“Hey, hey, Rose. Come on girl,” he said with his voice full of panic.

You turned over, sat up on your elbow, and looked over at Sam. Both his hands were on top of Rosie and he shook her around, trying to wake her up.

She wasn’t waking up.

You didn’t say anything. You knew.

“Come on, please. Don’t leave me, Rose, please,” he begged, his voice trembled as tears filled his eyes.

He stopped shaking her for a moment. He held his hands still on her, feeling for any kind of movement. He grabbed her face and put his hand on top of her nose. He didn’t feel anything. No breath. No wetness. Nothing.

“No,” he said in a whisper, rubbing her face. He didn’t want to believe what was happening.

Tears fell from his eyes, to his cheeks, and splattered down to her fur below him.

He knew.

He dropped his entire body onto Rosie and wrapped his arms around her still body. His whole body shook as he cried uncontrollably. Your heart sank looking at him like this. He was absolutely devastated.

“No!” he sobbed into her. His voice was loud but it was muffled by Rosie’s body.

“Come back, Rose. Please, for just a little bit. Please,” he cried.

You’ve seen Sam cry before. But never like this. His heart didn’t just break, it was destroyed. It was shattered into a million pieces. He loved Rosie more than anyone else in the entire world. She was his first true love. Sure he loved you, and he loved girls before you. You knew that. But before you came along and before your daughter, he had her. She was a piece of him. And now, that piece of him was gone.

You put your arm around Sam and kissed the top of his head, fighting back tears until you couldn’t fight them back anymore.

He just kept repeating the word “No,” and sobbing into her.

You ran your hand over his head and down his back as he cried. You hugged him tight and rested your chin on his head. You would occasionally kiss the top of his head. You felt every breath he took as he sucked them hard in and let them out heavily. There was nothing else you could do to help him but to just hold him while he cried.

“You want some time alone?” you whispered.

“No. Don’t leave me alone, please.” he begged.

You nodded and continued holding him, kissing his head, and staying close to him.

It was close to thirty minutes before Sam calmed down. You lifted yourself up off him and rubbed his back softly.

He gave Rosie a final kiss on the head like he always did and he rubbed her face gently.

“I love you, Rose. You know that. And I’ll see you again one day, okay?” he whispered.

He sat up and leaned against the headboard, staring at the ceiling with a blank look on his face. It was almost as if he was processing everything and taking a moment to realize this was actually happening.

His eyes were swollen. His hair was a mess. His lips were dry. His cheeks were red. He was absolutely helpless.

You turned to him and rubbed his cheek softly. HIs cheeks were wet and his beard was filled with tears that had fallen into it. You used the cuff of your sleeve to dry his face.

“You know she came back to you last night to be with you because she knew,” you whispered as you patted his beard with your sleeve.

“Yeah,” he whispered back, sniffling. “I just wish I would’ve known that was it. Ya know?”

You nodded and looked down at Rosie.

You and Sam sat in silence for a few minutes as he caught his breath and figured out what to do next. After a while, he broke the silence.

“You have to tell her. I can’t,” he whispered.

Without saying anything, you gave Sam a look that said Are you gonna be okay if I leave for a second? and he nodded in return.

Despite him being truly sensitive underneath everything, Sam was always the strong one in the family. But now, it was your turn to be strong. You gave him a kiss on the cheek and got out of bed. You left the door open as you left and walked down the hall.

You sent quick texts to his siblings, Danny, and his parents telling them what happened. You told them Sam was devastated and he probably didn’t want to talk about it right now. You told them that when he’s ready, he’ll reach out but not to be surprised if they didn’t hear from him for a while.

You put your phone in your pocket and continued down the hallway until you got to your daughter’s room. You had no idea how to even begin to tell her what happened. But you had to. You had to do it for Sam. He would do it for you if the roles were reversed.

You took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door, opening it slightly. You saw her in bed, fast asleep.

You sat down on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back gently to wake her up.

“Mom?” she asked groggily as she turned over. She stretched her body out and rubbed her face before opening her eyes to see you.

She looked up at you and saw it in your face that something was wrong. She could tell you’d been crying.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting up.

She looked around her to see Rosie nowhere near her like she was every other morning. “Where’s Rosie?”

You grabbed her hand and took a deep breath.

“Rosie’s with Dad right now. She um, she didn’t wake up this morning.”

“No,” she whispered. Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth opened slightly.

You gave her a look that said it all.

“No,” she whispered again, not wanting to believe you.

She quickly got out of bed and walked out of her room. You followed her as she walked toward your room and stopped in the doorway, completely frozen when she saw Sam sitting in bed with Rosie’s body in his lap. He was petting her head softly and slowly when her voice caught his attention.

“Daddy?” she asked, her voice quivering.

He looked up at her and you watched tears fill his eyes again as his eyes met hers. He was holding it in as best as he could and he was doing a good job.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he choked out.

She climbed on the bed and laid on top of Rosie, holding her tight. Sam rubbed her back as she cried. He was still holding it together and trying to be strong for her. You saw his jaw tense up and he tucked his lips into his mouth, biting them. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing which was uneven and quaky.

“I love you, Rosie,” she said softly, gently petting her back the way Sam taught her to all those years ago.

It took you back to when she was just a toddler sitting in Sam’s lap, learning to be gentle with Rosie for the first time. The way her hand traveled softly over Rosie’s back and the way her sweet little voice spoke out brought you back to that moment.

Memories of Rosie and your daughter flashed before your eyes. You saw her throwing treats to her as a toddler. You saw her sitting on the floor of her bedroom brushing her hair. You saw her making a mess of the bathroom and splattering water and bubbles in every direction as your daughter giggled.

You knew the memories hit Sam too because at that exact second, he completely lost it.

You sat down next to Sam and held him tight. You used your other hand to stroke your daughter’s hair. Both of them, sobbing uncontrollably again.

After a while, Sam calmed down again. Your daughter took a little bit longer, but eventually her crying stopped. She gave Rosie a kiss on the head and sat up.

“I’m gonna go lay down for a little bit,” she said in between sniffles.

She gave you and Sam hugs and headed for her room to be by herself. You figured the both of them could use some alone time to get things out if they needed to. You also needed to get Rosie away from Sam because seeing her wasn’t helping him at all. To give your daughter a little peace of mind, you assured her that nothing would happen without her knowing about it first.

You picked up Rosie and carried her out of the room. You brought her downstairs and laid her on the couch just to get her out of the bed with Sam. If it was up to him, he would’ve kept her there.

Things were quiet that day. You took care of everything so Sam didn’t have to. He couldn’t. He laid in bed all day and your daughter laid in hers. As you took care of things, you would check on both of them periodically. Each time you check on Sam, you were greeted by a wet pillow and red eyes. When you checked on your daughter, she wouldn’t even show you her face. You took notice of what she was wearing though. It was the jacket. The blue and white fleece jacket that Sam had given her years ago. She wore it every time she was upset and needed comfort.

You had to force the both of them to get up, take showers, and eat- which neither of them did much of. You were mothering both of them at that point.

You were dreading the night time as it began approaching. You knew it would be hard on your daughter. She had slept with Rosie every night since she was four. You also knew it would be hard for Sam. You knew he’d be thinking that this time just 24 hours ago, he went to bed thinking Rosie would be with him when he woke up.

It was close to 10 pm and you snuck into bed next to Sam. You hugged him from behind and gave his shoulders gentle kisses.

“I think somebody needs her Daddy right now,” you whispered.

He sniffled and nodded. He knew he needed to make sure his little girl was okay. He knew this was affecting her just as much as it was him. Slowly he got out of bed for the first time that day. He looked at himself in the mirror, wincing at his appearance and rubbing his face. He put on a shirt and put his hair up. He looked at you nervously and you took his hand. You led him down the hallway towards your daughter’s room.

The door was open just a bit and light from a candle you lit earlier spread throughout the room, giving it a soft orange hue. You walked over to her bed and let go of Sam’s hand. You and Sam stood on either side of her bed and wordlessly, the two of you laid down next to her on top of her covers.

Instantly, she started crying. Sam rubbed her back and cried with her. You placed your hand on her head and gave her small kisses, letting tears from your eyes fall onto her pillow.

After a few minutes, most of the crying stopped and everyone had calmed down a bit after being able to get it all out again. You and Sam said your I love yous, gave her kisses, and got up to return to your room for the night.

As you reached the doorway, the sound of her voice caught you both by surprise.

“Wait,” she said, “Will you, will you guys stay with me tonight?” she asked softly. You could tell she was just a little embarrassed, asking her parents to sleep with her for the night.

You looked over at Sam and for the first time all day, you saw a tiny smile appear on his face. Tears filled his eyes once more, only this time, they were happy tears.

You blew out the candle and walked over to her bed in the darkness, this time with Sam leading the way.

You and Sam picked up the covers and slid into her bed on either side of her. You and Sam both rubbed your daughter’s back over the covers for a few minutes and then Sam’s hand rested on top of yours. He turned it around so that your palm was facing up and held your hand, rubbing his thumb along it.

For almost her entire life, your daughter felt Rosie next to her as she fell asleep. But on that night, when she needed her the most, she didn’t have her. She had something just as good though. She had you and she had Sam- the two people who loved her more than anything in the world. And even though Rosie wasn’t there anymore physically, she still had her love. It was there. It was inside her. It was inside all of you.

As you started to fall asleep, you heard Sam whisper, “My girls,” and you could tell just from his voice that he was smiling.

EPILOGUE: SIXTY FIVE

“What is that?” you heard a voice ask from the other side of the room.

“A journal I guess, I think it was my mom’s,” you said, inspecting a tattered, black notebook. You took a look at the outside. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in years.

Tears filled your eyes instantly as you opened it. It was full of pictures of your parents from when they were younger and your childhood dog. Your heart felt heavy looking at the photos. There was writing in it too and you could tell it was your mom’s handwriting.

The pages of the journal were yellow. The glue that held the pictures to the paper was old and crusted. Some of the pictures came loose and started falling out. You held them steady and flipped them over to see the date and then looked back at the image on the front.

Sam and Rosie, 2021

You looked at the picture of your dad and giggled. He had on a knitted hat and his hair was short. He didn’t have the beard you always knew him to have. Rosie was sitting next to him on a couch. She was just a puppy at the time. He had a stupid smile on his face. That smile that always made you laugh and made your mom melt. You ran your hand over the photo. Your vision got blurry as tears filled your eyes.

“I miss you guys,” you whispered as you wiped your tears with your other hand.

You closed your eyes and memories of your childhood flashed before you instantly. You felt your dad’s scratchy beard on your cheek. You felt your mom’s soft lips kissing your forehead. You felt a warm furry body laying on your legs. You felt their love all around you. They may have faded, but their love never left you.

You held onto the images of your childhood home that was once filled with life for a few seconds, holding onto them for as long as you could. You opened your eyes to see that home now empty and being packed away for good.

You flipped another page of the journal as you heard footsteps behind you.

Jake and Rosie, 2024

“Hey that’s me, isn’t it?” he asked, pointing at the picture of Jake with one arm around Rosie and holding a baby boy with a full head of thick, black hair in the other.

“Yeah,” you whispered, “The dates match up,”

You flipped through the pages some more, skimming through what was written on them.

“It’s all stories,” you said, “Stories from when I was little. Stories about me, Mom, Dad, and Rosie,” you paused after flipping through until you got to the middle of the journal. It went blank. Half the pages were empty.

“That’s weird,” you said. “It stops at Sixteen.”

“What happened at Sixteen?” he asked.

You thought for a second and then you remembered. Without saying a word to your cousin, you closed the journal and carefully placed it in the box labeled KEEP where it joined two wedding rings, a dried up white rose, a jump rope, and a blue and white patterned fleece jacket.

Author’s Note:

This is 100% FICTION! I am SO sorry I did this. Like, I still can’t believe I did this. Samuel, I am SO sorry. I hope you never search your name on tumblr. Also, the ages aren’t completely accurate. Rosie lived to be like 110+ years old so that I could write a lengthy fic so just ignore how inaccurately long her life was. Long live the queen I guess lol.

A few people have asked for a Sam version of ATS but I feel like this IS Sam’s ATS. This fic came to me in the same way ATS came to me. It started off as a little idea and gained meaning and length so yeah, this is my Sam ATS. (However an actual Sam ATS is not off the table just yet though because I have cute ideas for it).

Also sorry for the change of POV in the last chapter. I hope it was clear. Lmk if it wasn’t.

Shoutout to my faves- Vi, Lana, Jade, Regina, Claire, Deli, Alondra, Lexa, Ty, Hannah, Grace, Iz, and Kay. Big shoutout and thank you Kirstin for the original idea of snapshots throughout the years. However, Kirstin wants everyone to know k wording Rosie was not her idea. It was mine. Shoutout to @ageofsinners for always reading and approving everything before I publish, even though you did NOT want to approve this one. Sorry I broke you all and probably ruined your lives with this. Love you! Mwah!

Songs:

Vista Kicks: Alice

Elton John: Tiny Dancer

Coldplay: The Scientist

Ed Sheeran: All of the Stars

Kasey Musgraves: Rainbow

Thomas Rhett: Remember You Young

Demi Lovato: Lionheart

William Ross: Will Grows Up

283 notes · View notes

heartbreaksamuel · 2 years

Text

Pool House

Sam Kiszka

NSFW || 18+

masterlist

Warnings: drinking, smoking, language, graphic sexual content, unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), choking, praise kink

hi bffs, happy friday! i hope you had a wonderful week, and have a wonderful weekend! this next week is my final exams, so I prob won’t have a new piece out for a bit. I’m trying a new writing style with this one, let me know what you think. Thank you for your continued love & kind words! love u sm<3

inspired by (not based on) pool house by the backseat lovers. x

The alcohol was beginning to leave a sour taste in his mouth, no longer serving his desire for an emotional revival. He sneered at the red cup, swirling the liquor as if it would become a new drink. Sam was tired of parties, if he was being honest with himself. Intoxicated strangers, mysterious liquids, and terrible music no longer satiated his need for excitement. But looks mattered more to him, and Sam Kiszka never missed a party. Classmates and strangers alike lined the dry grass, cups glued in their hands and drunken smiles plastered on their faces. They were all paired in twos, love causing a thick tension to loom over the yard. He knew he could put on an act, paint a smile on his face and he’d have a catch for the night within moments, but it made him sick thinking about it.

He wasn’t looking to settle down, but one night stands didn’t excite him anymore. He wished he could say it was the result of him maturing, that the sex-drugs-rock and roll life grew boring and he was moving on. But he knew it was just the monotony of staying in one place for too long. Sam wanted to travel, but his choice for an education denied him of that liberty. He thought about his older brothers, both exploring wherever their feet found them. He longed for a life like his brothers, but it seemed impractical to him.

Sam reached into the back pocket of his shorts, obtaining a torn cigarette pack. He placed the stick in his mouth, lighting it promptly to inhale the bitter smoke. It was late, or rather early depending on how he looked at the time. The party was still alive and well, thriving off of intoxicated ideas and decisions. His eyes scanned the crowd, seeing familiar faces and brand new ones. His face was well-known amongst the crowd, Sam Kiszka wasn’t a foreign name to most of the guests. He’d made a name for himself across campus, seemingly taking home in the minds of classmates who experienced even the smallest interaction with him. His smile inebriated his piers and left his silhouette to linger in their brains. His closed-off yet bright disposition infatuated those who crossed his path, his energy addictive.

He leaned against the wall, people-watching as he dragged on the cigarette. His eyes flicked to the glowing pool water, bodies lounging along the concrete wall and floating along the surface. Solo cups floated in the water, and he couldn’t help but imagine the chemistry disaster the owner would deal with in the morning. He debated joining the crowded water, but he wasn’t in the mood to get his hair wet, and he forgot a hair tie at home. He glanced between the faces, freezing when his eyes met a particular silhouette.

His eyes couldn’t help but focus on her, the glow from the pool creating a neon shimmer against her skin. Water droplets lined her arms, hair tied messily off her shoulders. She held a glass bottle in her hand, a cherry red liquid dancing around the bottle. She’d lift it to her lips every so often, breaking eye contact with her friends to glance around the party. Her gold jewelry in her ears and around her neck shined, even in the dim lighting of the yard. He noticed a smoking cigarette of her own between two fingers wrapped around the bottle, one she occasionally brought to her mouth. He thought back to the first time he’d offered her a cigarette, both young and still unsure of the world. He remembered the look of anxiety she wore as he lit the end for her, handing her the smoking stick. She’d coughed like crazy, and he couldn’t help the smile that grew on his lips as he thought back on the memory.

They’d practically grown up together, only so many people to choose from in the small town they’d been raised in. He couldn’t necessarily remember a time in his life she wasn’t a part of. She’d just always sort of been around. The universe brought them together, and they stayed together, practically attached at the hip in their adolescent years. They still chatted every so often in passing, on the way to class and around campus. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss her some days. Nothing came between them necessarily, life just got in the way as they both grew older and began to think about their futures.

They got accepted to university together. He remembered opening their acceptance letters together, holding their breaths as they waited to see the reaction of the other. They celebrated loudly, and he remembered the feeling of her wrapping her arms tightly around his neck in an excited embrace. They never thought about a time where the other would not be present, considering they never really knew a time like that.

He stared at her, and he knew it was rude but he didn’t really care. He couldn’t help the longing feeling that rose in his chest, and his hands tingled with the urge to reach out to her. She was compelling, and although he’d never admit it, she had him wrapped around her finger since the beginning. He knew she could feel his eyes on her, her shoulders straightening at his stare. Her eyes flicked up from her friends, meeting him almost instantly. The air suddenly felt thicker around him, his throat tightening as their eyes met. He couldn’t read her expression, considering her features remained neutral. He could sense the smallest glimmer in her eyes, a silent hello being sent in his direction.

She excused herself from her friends, climbing out of the water to dry off. She wrapped the towel loosely around her waist, taking her phone and drink in her free hand to make her way towards the door to the house. She glanced behind her briefly, before entering the house. Sam paused his movements, breathing out the smoke he’d began to inhale. Does she want me to follow her? It'd been months since they last saw each other, and Sam would be lying if he said he didn’t miss her. His feet started walking before his brain could process his own movements, his body naturally being pulled to her.

He stomped out his cigarette before pushing open the door, entering the crowded house. The air was thick with smoke and the music was just as loud as outside. He weaved through bodies and furniture, his eyes trained on the back of her head. He couldn’t help but laugh at himself, the desperation in his movements and anxiety building in his stomach. No matter how far Sam found himself, the universe never failed to bring them together over and over. He couldn’t run from her, he didn’t want to.

He watched as she pulled the front door open, leaving the humid home. Sam grew frustrated with the other party guests, getting in his way and causing him to fall behind from her. She could be leaving, he’d thought to himself. He wouldn’t let her leave without talking to him. He finally reached the large door, pulling it open to step into the night. It was dark outfront, the sun gone for the night. He knew this was her favorite time of day, she’d always adored the moon.

And there she stood underneath it, the moonlight casting the faintest blue shadow. The front lawn was empty, aside from a few students climbing into their cars to head home. She leaned against the wooden railing, cigarette hanging from her mouth. His breathing was heavy, he’d felt like he’d been running. He blamed it on the smoker lungs, but in reality he was well aware of the effects she had on him. Her head turned towards his direction, her eyes not quite meeting his face. She’d let her hair down, falling across her shoulders and upper back.

“Hi, Sammy.” She said, gently.

He tensed at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He always thought it sounded nicer coming from her, the cadence of her voice causing a comfort in his own name. He felt a warmth grow over him, his body relaxing now that he finally stood in her presence. She’d acknowledged him, which contradictorily made his heart rate pick up. His hand reached up to his hair, pushing fallen pieces out of his face.

“Hi, Sparrow.” He said, his own voice just above a whisper.

She hummed at his use of the nickname. It felt foreign to her, and she’d forgotten how it sounded coming from him. She felt him walk closer, stopping next to her on the railing. He leaned back on it, facing the opposite direction she was. His hands fell to his side, holding onto the railing. His head turned to face her, lowering slightly to try and catch her face. She stared out into the front lawn and the street. Just past the treeline you could see the outline of campus, the light pollution evident in the dark sky. Her eyes lowered, focusing on his hand which sat inches from her own.

He watched her, as she focused her eyes on his hand. He could feel the atomic pull that happened between their hands, longing for the touch of the other. He felt as if his hands would move voluntarily, growing tired of waiting on his brain to make a decision. They don’t move though, staying obedient to his screaming mind.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” She teased, full-aware he’d never missed a party.

“That’s a lie, you know I have perfect attendance.” He joked, the side of his mouth lifting in amusement.

She couldn’t help the smile that grew on her lips. It was refreshing, hearing Sam’s voice again. It made her warm, an intense wave of comfort washing over her as he spoke. She breathed a laugh, her eyes flicking from his hands to the ground. Her emotions were heightened, Sam’s energy putting her mind on high alert. She was certain the alcohol wasn’t helping, but she knew Sam was just as intoxicating as any liquor. She lifted her chin, turning her head slightly to look at the boy. Her eyes met his, downturned and quiet. She sensed a longing in the back of her mind.

She missed him. No matter how many times she’d told herself to move on, blaming growing apart on growing up, she could never truly forget about him. Sam had always held a special place in her, a section of her mind blocked off to do with as he pleased. She sighed softly, biting the inside of her cheek. The desire to touch him was beginning to burn her hands, and she felt as if they moved on their own accord to get closer.

“How are classes going?” She asked, nonchalantly.

She wanted to ask him about everything, she wanted him to tell her how his family is and what he’s been up to lately, but she kept it simple. He cleared his throat with a nod

“Yeah… Yeah they’re good. Nothing too crazy. Astrophysics is kickin’ my ass though.”

A laugh fell from her lips as he joked with her, her lips curling in a gentle smile. He paused, inspecting her features up close for the first time in almost a year. Her nose was pierced, a gold hoop decorated her face, and her hair was significantly longer. Her skin was pale although the warmer temperatures had brought a lot of sun, but she still sported a natural glow. He’d missed her, and he felt his brows furrow as his mind raced ahead of him.

“I think about you a lot, Sparrow.” He said suddenly.

His own words caught him off guard, eyes widening in response to his confession. But it was true. Sam always knew he loved her, although he was never one to speak the words. He’d loved her platonically since she first graced his presence, but he fell for her hard their senior year. He wasn’t sure what flipped the switch, what changed to make him see her in different lighting, but he couldn’t help it. He watched as her shoulders tensed, listening to him speak. She shifted her weight, looking up at him. He tried to gauge her emotions, read whatever she could possibly have been thinking.

“I think about you too, Sam.” She replied.

His chest grew tight at her response. His heart skipping a beat at the understanding of each other's feelings. They didn’t need to say what they really meant, the actual connotation behind their words clear to both parties. Love was a foreign word to Sam, and he knew it was the same for her. It wasn't something they threw around often, Sam couldn’t even remember that last time he’d told his brothers he loved them. He stepped in to her, turning his body to actually face her. She watched him move, turning in to him as he reached out to brush fallen hair out of her face.

He heard her breath catch as his fingers skimmed the side of her face by accident, the smallest smirk forming on his lips at her reaction. He tucked the piece behind her ear, trailing his hand down to brush out the hair over her shoulder. His eyes met hers, his brows furrowed in contemplation. She looked at him, trying to figure out his next move. But he hasn’t even thought that far ahead. His hands moved without permission of his brain, and he didn’t bother.

His hands move to the sides of her face, holding her chin up slightly. He knew his defenses were down as he leaned into her, his head dipping to her level. Their lips met briefly, Sam pulling away slightly to see her reaction. He was caught by surprise when her lips met his this time, harsher and hungrier than the previous one. All platonic boundaries had gone out the window, lines being crossed they both knew couldn’t be redrawn.

His hands dropped to her waist, pulling her closer by the belt loops of her shorts. Her arms wrapped around his neck quickly, causing him to bend over her to get as close as possible. There was a heat behind the kiss, a fire of emotions that had been locked away for the past four years bursting through the walls they had both built. He walked her back into the wall of the house, dropping his head to her jaw. He bit the sweet skin, kissing at marks he’d left along the way. Her hands moved to his hair, pulling at his roots as he kissed her. A groan fell from his throat, hips rocking forward into her. She gasped quickly at the brief feeling of him, he was already hard and his shorts were only growing tighter.

“Sammy,” She breathed, “Take me upstairs.”

He paused for a moment, pulling away slightly. Does she live here? He thought about the decorations and furniture in the house, and he couldn’t deny it screamed her name. The brightly colored couch and greenery lining the windowsills should have been his first clue. But he thought of the chance it wasn’t her place. Does she want me to take her to a bathroom? He always thought she’d be a little more romantic than that. She could see the gears turning in his head, giggling softly at his hesitation.

“This is my house, Sam.”

He realized he’d never actually asked who was hosting the party, Sam just took what invites came his way and made his rounds. With the confirmation of her words sending his worry down the drain, he pulled her swiftly off the wall to lead her inside. They walked up the stairs, she had taken the lead to guide him into the dimly lit bedroom. It was significantly cooler in the bedroom, compared to the sticky atmosphere from the party. As soon as they got far enough into the room, Sam pushed her back up against the door.

His hands roamed her body, feelings every inch she had to offer. He kissed her heavily, eager to taste her on his own tongue. Her heavy breathes and quiet whimpers against his mouth were pure ecstasy, he could have dropped to his knees right then and there. Her hands pulled at his hair, drawing a groan from him. She pushed her hands against his chest, pushing each other off the door to stumble towards the bed. He pulled away from her lips to pull the suddenly tight shirt over his head, she followed suit, pulling at the strings of her swim top.

His eyes practically roll to the back of his brain, the sight of her bare skin sending a burst of euphoria through his veins. The back of her knees finally hit the bed, and he pushes her down gently to sit. He crawls over her, biting at her collar bones. She cried gently, hands falling beside her head. Sam couldn’t help but watch her as he lowered himself on her body, kissing every inch of her skin he possibly could reach. He kneels her feet, reaching to the hem of her shorts to give a pointed look. Is this okay? He couldn’t even begin to speak the words before she was pulling them off herself, fully exposed to the boy. He practically drooled at the sight of her, at the mercy of his own hands. He pushed her legs apart slowly, holding her stare. His eyes finally break from hers as he leans down to place his lips to the inside of her thighs, drawing a low moan from her throat. He smirked to himself as he lowered himself to her core, swiping his tongue in one line vertically across her heat.

The sound she produced was music to his ears, and she could sense he became hungry to hear more of it. His tongue worked against her, his arms wrapping around her thighs beside his head to hold her steady. He licked at her slit, his tongue running circles around her clit. She was sweet on his tongue, and he moaned at the feeling of her against his mouth.

She couldn’t help the whimpers that fell from her lips, her hands falling to his hair. A sharp gasp was pulled to her lungs as pushed two fingers into her, his eyes glancing up towards her. She caught sight of the smirk plastered on his face, pleased with her reaction to his touches. Sam pumped his fingers slowly, kitten licking at her clit. She sobbed at the need for more. More friction, more touches, more Sam. She could feel the pit in her stomach turning, his actions bringing her closer and closer to the edge with each kiss of his lips.

“Sam,” She breathed, “I’m- I’m close..”

She could have sobbed at his withdrawal, he pulled away from her to climb back up her body. His eyes met hers once again, and he smirked as she desperately kissed him. He leaned into her lips, his left hand reaching up to grasp at her breast. She moaned into him at her touch, his calloused fingers gracing at her skin.

“Don’t you just taste so sweet? I’ve dreamt of this.” He said lowly, pulling away from her lips. “Absolutely divine”

She moaned at his words, the taste of her own slick on her lips. His chin glistened from the wetness, and she could’ve came at the sight of him. His hair was messy from her hands and his eyes were tired, but there was a fire behind them. She reached at the button of his pants, hands shaking in urgency. He caught on quickly, a small laugh sounding from him as he moved to help her. He removed his pants along with his boxers, and she couldn’t help herself but to admire the boy. His skin was soft but his hands were hard, well loved against the strings of his bass he played in his free time. His tangled hair fell across his shoulders, and his chest rose with each breath he took.

He climbed back over her, his knee falling between her legs to push them apart. He dipped his head to her neck, leaving kisses in a path to her lips. Their lips connected, this time a bit gentler. There was a certain longing in this kiss, as if tomorrow she would be out of his reach once more. He prayed to the gods above that this was it, this solidified her presence in his life. But even if she chose to walk away, he would be forever grateful for the love he shared for her that night. He pulled away slowly, meeting her eyes.

“Sam, please..” She pleaded. He shook his head at her words, placing a swift kiss to the corner of her lips.

“Shh.. No need to beg, pretty lady.” He spoke, taking his member to run against her slit. “Gonna take care of you.”

He pushed in slowly, and the breaths they both inhaled were sharp. His eyes focused on her, but hers fell to where their hips met. She watched as he pushed into her, his hips meeting hers soon enough to fill her completely. Her head fell back with a sigh, his hands holding him up beside her body. After a moment, he pulled his hips out to thrust into her again, this time with a bit more desperation. The moan that fell from her pushed him further, setting a steady pace for the two of them. He leaned down to place kisses on her shoulder, his own low growns erupting from his throat.

His tiger's eye necklace hung over her from his neck, swinging back and forth in the motion of his hips. She watched it swing as he rocked into her, his eyes trained on her focused ones. She let out a long moan, her head dropping back as he sped up his movements.

With each touch and kiss exchanged between the two of them, Sam fell harder for her. He had it bad, drowning in her energy and not bothering to come up for air. The way she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, holding his forehead to her own as sweet moans and praises fell from her lips. Sam watched her face as he fucked into her, his jaw locked as sweat formed on his forehead.

“Fuck, Sam right there.” She sobbed, her voice breaking with each thrust.

She reached down for his hand, and he almost came undone as he realized what she’d wanted from him. He wrapped his right hand around her neck, squeezing the sides ever-so-slightly. The sight of her reaction had him moaning himself, her back arching into his chest in response to him. He dipped his head down to her ear, sliding his left arm underneath her to pull her closer to him.

“You’re doing so, so good, sweet girl.” He breathed, his hips rocking into her harshly. “Taking me so well.”

“You look so good like this for me, always wondered how you’d look underneath me.” He teased, shooting her a wink.

He had her at his mercy, but she had him just as well. He knew he was a goner. Everytime his hips met her own he wanted to cry out in pleasure, low groans leaving his throat in response to her whimpers and cries. Her nails raked along his back as he fucked into her, her brain becoming foggy and tired.

“Sam I- fuck.” She tried speaking, her words getting caught in her throat. He shushed her, placing a kiss to the side of her head.

“Don’t worry, love. I know.” He said, his forehead staying against her temple. “Let go for me, sweet girl.”

His hand dipped between them, his fingers rubbing slow circles around her clit. The moan she produced was animalistic, and it almost had Sam bursting at the seams. Her breathing was shallow and her words were broken and meaningless. He knew she was close, his fingers circling faster and his hips fucking into her deeper. His arm was still wrapped under her, pulling her into him as close as he could get her. He kissed her head, encouraging her with sweet nothings and groans of his own.

“Fuck, Sparrow.” He said, into her ear. “You feel so good wrapped around me, baby. Taking me so well. So, so good baby.”

His praises left her mind foggy and her heart warm. There was a fire in the pit of her stomach, every thrust of his pushing it further and further out of control. Her hands clawed into his hair, pulling harshley. The groan that left his throat was loud, animalistic. He looked down at her with his head pulled back from her hands, a large open-mouthed smirk lined on his lips. He fucked into her harshley, his now free left arm reaching underneath her thigh to wrap around his waist.

“Come on, sweet girl.” He said, his jaw tightening. “Let me have you.”

“Come with me.” She said, looking at him. “Fill me up, Sam. Please, I need it so-”

He shushed her once again, his hand covering her mouth.

“I told you, you don’t need to beg.” He said, pulling his hips out only to snap back against her. “Come for me, Sparrow.”

His words sent her crumbling over the edge, euphoria rushing through her veins as she came undone underneath his hold. He was taken by surprise with his own orgasm, his hips snapping into hers once more as he coated her. He rocked his hips against her sloppily, riding out the heat of their orgasms together. The whimpers that fell from her lips were sweet to his ears, and he longed to hear them forever. He collapsed over her, his head falling to her shoulder. He placed small kisses on the exposed skin, drinking every last drop of her he could get.

They laid there for a moment, breathing together and listening to each other’s heartbeats. Sam extended his arms to push himself up once again, looking over her. He stared at her, eyebrows furrowing slightly. She looked ethereal in the dim lighting, a faint shine from the moon peeking through her window. She laughed softly at his stare, a smile spreading on her lips.

“I Lo-”

“I love you too.” She said quickly. It caught him by surprise, his eyes widening as he processed her words.

He kissed her, leaving his lips longer than before. Her hands cupped his cheeks, pulling him into her. This kiss wasn’t needs, nor sex driven. It was more intimate, softer and vulnerable. That was the moment Sam let his guard down, and she stormed the gates. She had his heart in her grasp and he wasn’t bothering to fight back, he didn’t want to anymore. He pulled away, his forehead pressing to hers.

“Say it again.” He said, his voice no louder than a whisper.

“I love you.” She breathed, as a smile formed on his face.

“I’ve been craving to hear those words come out of your mouth.” He whispered.

“Sam.” He hummed in response, placing a kiss to her jaw. “What does this mean?”

He pulled away at her question, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. What did this mean? What did she want it to mean? He tilted his head slightly, shrugging his shoulders.

“I think it means we see where this goes.” He said, gently. She smiled at his words, nodding her head softly.

“See where this goes.” She nodded. “Nothing serious.”

“Never.” He laughed, placing a kiss to her cheek.

They both were well aware this was now definitely serious, but they didn’t need to say it. They were locked in each other's grasp and there was no way out, and they were okay with that. Sam was okay with that. He smiled to himself as he dropped to her side, her face now in the crook of his neck.

I’m okay with that.

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