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soapoet · 11 months

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W.I.T.C.H. pick-a-card reading

Cornelia Hale; a letter from the future

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

Shufflemancy: Golden dandelions by Barns Courtney

it really is the little things. you've attained peace, and the tranquility of your life speaks louder than any demons from your struggles in the past could ever shriek. you just feel so whole. your journey of healing hasn't always been the easiest, but you can proudly declare that you made it. you have found purpose in life, and the future turned out to be better and brighter after all, despite how grim it may have looked before. in your darkest hours you swear you couldn't see a way out, but here you are. still standing. you lead a good life where balance plays a big role. you dared to step outside your comfort zone long enough to catch a one way ticket to a new way of life. a lot changed, and it changed very quickly. you experienced some growing pains when adjusting to these changes, namely the role reversals. you were so used to being the strong one, always left alone to pick up the pieces, standing in front of the mirror telling yourself to pull yourself together because if you don't then it's the end of the line, and then what would it all have been for? you were so used to having to do everything yourself and so often being a sturdy shoreline for everyone else's waves to crash onto. and you loved being needed and relied upon because it taught you that you were loved and that you mattered and people would miss you if you were gone.

but then you stumbled into a wildly different timeline. you were even suspicious of it at first. thought you had lost your mind or slipped into a coma and were stuck dreaming in some la la land. because suddenly there were people who would throw themselves at your problems and insist that they help you out, provide for you, listen to you, support you, take initiative and seek you out, and honestly? you had to break a few times before you realised that love doesn't have to be earned. you can just be loved. that you don't have to spread yourself out so thinly in hopes for some crumbs of affection and care in return for your efforts.

now you're successful and content. you are at peace. you love and you are loved. you have people to lean on just as much as they lean on you. you don't need to worry about your worth, what you do or do not deserve, or whether or not people appreciate you. for the first time in forever the ground beneath your feet feels sturdy and stable and you can trust the universe to keep you safe and sound. you have achieved more personal goals than you care to count. you have everything you quietly dreamed of and barely dared to whisper about lest you'd jinx it. now you're unafraid to speak your mind and spell what's in your heart out clearly and trust that it's taken care of.

02.

Shufflemancy: Surrender by Billy Talent

you're beautiful. that's something you can tell yourself with your whole chest now. at some point it may have felt redundant to tell yourself nice things or take ownership of your skills, but now it is genuine. you're no longer repeating meaningless words or competing with anyone, especially not yourself. you're perfect just the way you are. you always were, but you really feel like you can allow yourself the space and time to breathe. you're not following rules and measuring your success and constantly moving the goal post and cracking the whip harder. you see your own beauty and love yourself truly. you have come so far and healed such deep wounds. you had to acknowledge quite a bit of toxic behaviours and thought patterns, and those demons weren't easy to fight and overcome. but you're there now. you don't compare yourself to others and you find yourself doing things because you enjoy them. you've invited a bit of whimsy into your life, which in the past would have caused you so much distress because sudden change and unpredictability made you so anxious. relaxation and peace is no longer something you need to earn but something completely normal to do without guilt or shame or fear of bad consequences.

this genuine self love has made you feel so strong, like you could take on any challenge. but most of all it has helped you relate to other people. your standards and expectations were always so high, and you may have taken great pride in your abilities, but it wasn't until you allowed yourself to breathe and take yourself less seriously that you found yourself able to relate to and really connect with other people. you used to worry that your best wasn't good enough and even when praised you felt the need to improve to do even better, but this was alienating for people who just wanted you for who you are, not for what's on your resume. and you felt like you were always on the outside looking in, seeing other people do so many different things and succeeding in many areas of their lives, all while you felt stunted and unable to let go of control enough to let life happen to you too. but now life happens, and you don't dig your heels in, you're not afraid of the world, and you find comfort in the unknown because it's new and exciting, not scary. and your loved ones rejoice in how you've come alive. those closest to you have always seen you for who you are and have shed many tears for you in the past, hoping you could see yourself through their eyes. and now you can, and they're all smiles as they celebrate you and the life that you are living.

03.

Shufflemancy: Just a little bit by Kids of 88

it really feels like everything happened all at once so suddenly. one minute you're worrying about the future, grinding away at your goals, kissing frogs and getting stuck in the mud. faced with delays, constant upheaval, drama, burning bridges, rebuilding and trying again and again to throw yourself at doors that just would never open. and then another one opened, and though you were hesitant at first, going down that path turned into a whirlwind of sudden changes that rearranged everything in ways you would've never thought of before. and after all the struggling and crawling on your hands and knees half the time to get where you wanted to go, it was smooth sailing. and you swear time started to move faster. it's like you blinked and your professional endeavours blew up and you had to learn how to juggle to stay on top of things. and at the same time you got pulled in so many different directions, all of them so appealing to you. perhaps you felt like you had been manifesting a hundred different things and they all came knocking at your door on the same day.

but boy was it worth it! you feel so powerful now. independent and unshakeable. staying on top of things comes easy and you've mastered the art of multitasking. you have more time to spare and can frequently sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labour. you're pampered and adored, have an attentive and caring partner who is your biggest supporter and puts all the frogs of the past to shame. they adore you, and show their devotion to you in many ways consistently. the spark is still there and is kept alive with continuous effort from both of you. sometimes you fight but you never need to worry that it's the final straw, because the care and genuine concern for each other's well being runs deep and this one is truly a lifelong commitment. you both rest easy knowing that it's in sickness and in health and you truly meant it.

#pac reading #pick a card #pick a picture #energy reading #w.i.t.c.h.#shufflemancy #spiritual guidance #pick a pile #pick a card reading #tarot reading #spirituality #soapy.post

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slytherheign · 8 months

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THE WAY I LOVED YOU | max verstappen

PART 3/4 OF BROKEN GLASS AND HONEY SERIES.

CAN ALSO BE READ AS A ONE-SHOT.

PAIRINGS: ex!max verstappen x fem!reader, daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

SUMMARY: you're with someone new now, but memories of the past still haunt you relentlessly.

WARNINGS: feelings of hurt and guilt, mentions of an unhealthy relationship, and allusion to sex. let me know if i missed any warnings. [⚠︎︎RATING: 16+]

AUTHOR'S NOTE: inspired by taylor swift's song with the same title. reader's choice is made in this one. sorry in advance for hurting y'all but trust me all will be well in the last part.

DESTINATION: Angst Avenue | GO TO SERIES MASTERLIST or GO BACK TO THE STATION.

Those two sets of three little words.

I miss you.

I love you.

And you swore your heart jumped and your world stopped again.

How did you end up here? You thought you were past this.

You were with Daniel now, someone who cared and loved you wholeheartedly. He was wonderful, and he deserved all of your affection. But, truth be told, there were times when your mind wandered off to a place you wished it wouldn't.

Memories, like fragments of a broken mirror, haunted you relentlessly. The laughter you shared with Max, your late-night conversations, the way he looked at you... It was all so beautiful, so genuine. And now, you felt guilty for even acknowledging those memories.

But love wasn't something that faded easily, was it? It lingered, hidden in the darkest corners of your soul, reminding you of what was once pure and electric. It was as if you were two puzzle pieces, fitting perfectly together. But life had different plans, and the road you walked upon veered in opposite directions.

You wished you could erase the unwanted emotions, and replace them with unwavering loyalty and devotion. But the heart was a complicated thing, a labyrinth of contradictions. It was telling you to stay committed, to cherish what you have. Yet, it whispered Max's name when you least expected it, tugging at your heartstrings with every beat.

You couldn't help but question yourself. Were you being unfair to Daniel? To your relationship? How could you truly be present when scattered fragments of your heart remained entwined with someone from the past?

But there was a reason why the heart was situated on the left side of our bodies.

It was because it was not always right.

Max told you to use your brain, and that was what you needed to do.

You needed to confront the residual emotions, for the sake of both your present and your future. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was necessary. You owed it to Daniel, to yourself, and to love itself.

6 MONTHS LATER.

You couldn’t ask for anything better.

Daniel Ricciardo was the embodiment of peace and the personification of sunshine. He gave the biggest smile a person could ever see—the type that once was shown to you, your mouth would automatically mirror his.

He was a sensible man—an incredible feat he had that made all your single friends jealous of you and your relationship. He was the special someone you would dream about every night.

“You look beautiful tonight,” he said, opening the door for you as you entered his car. You wore a gorgeous dark blue velvet dress that highlighted the shape of your body. “Thank you,” you replied, feeling… perfectly fine.

You watched him walk around the car until he settled on the driver’s seat and locked the door. He glanced at you with that contagious smile of his. You looked at him. “What?” you chuckled.

“Nothing,” he shrugged but he was still grinning. “You seem excited about something,” you commented. “Where are we going, Dan?”

He turned the key and started the engine. But before he could push the pedal down and drive the car, he looked at your confused face again. “You’ll see,” he winked.

You couldn’t ask for anything better.

Daniel Ricciardo was the type of man you’d wish upon the stars and that someone you’d wish for as you blew the candles out. A true gentleman who made sure you were happy at all times—always putting your needs and wants above his.

He always respected your space and your boundaries. He never made you wait and would call exactly when he said he would. He was close to your mother and talked with your father who was a businessman, though most times he probably didn’t even understand what your father was saying. He was charming, endearing, and with him, you were comfortable.

The ride ended and he took you to an exclusive restaurant on a rooftop where you could see the skyline beneath the starry night sky.

Deep inside you, you could already feel the anxiety creeping up on you. You had no idea why, but something about this night made you extremely nervous and uneasy. You just hoped he didn’t notice it.

You were in awe when you realized he booked the entire rooftop for just the two of you. In the middle, laid a table for two with white sheets. Atop were expensive wine, two glasses, and luxurious cutlery.

He led you to the table, pulling your chair for you to sit on. You thanked him as you adjusted yourself into a comfortable position. He smiled and then winked again.

It made you even more nervous.

A waiter made their way to your table, serving you your meal which was pre-ordered by Daniel. He never asked you what your favorite type of food was, but he knew the exact food that you would love.

“How did you know?” you asked him, looking at your plate with your favorite food.

“I observe you every time. Whenever we go out to eat, I take note of what you always order. This wasn’t actually on their menu, but I managed to convince them to cook it.”

Truly, you couldn’t ask for anything better.

You have felt your heart beat fast countless times when he was around you.

But your heart never skipped around him.

It never jumped and fell for him.

Daniel Ricciardo was the man of your dreams.

But Max.

Max Verstappen.

He was the man of your desires.

All the screaming and the never-ending arguments with him, the fighting almost every night before you went to bed, the throwing of items at each other when things got intense—you missed all of them.

The raised voices, the shattered glasses, the rough way he touched you when you made up in your bed after each argument…

The crying. The breaking up. The making up. The kissing in the rain.

You missed it.

You knew you shouldn’t, but you terribly missed it all.

There were times you found yourself cursing his name in your head at 2 a.m., while you rested with Daniel next to your bed.

You shouldn’t even think of him. This was wrong.

But the breaking down and the coming undone, the way he always pushed you into a wall as he shut you up with a kiss, the way he pulled your hair while he destroyed you from behind—you missed the roller coaster kind of rush. You craved the toxicity.

Max Verstappen was toxic and the type of man your mother taught you to avoid when you were just a child. But the toxicity of everything made you live for the thrill of it all. Both of you, so in love, that you acted insane. You never even knew you could feel that much when you were around him.

That was the way you loved him.

You looked at your boyfriend, Daniel, who happily told you some of his favorite memories. You weren’t even listening to him, you just laughed along every time he laughed. He couldn’t see the smile you were faking.

When he stood up and guided you to a slow dance, you followed his moves and looked deep into his eyes.

For a second you swore you saw his face. The wild, crazy, frustrating, intoxicating, and complicated man. But after a blink, it returned to Daniel.

How was it, that after all this time, Max Verstappen still haunted you?

And how was it, that after all this time, you still let him?

All of a sudden Daniel pulled away from you and you looked at him confusingly. Your heart started beating fast again. He took a few steps back…

And then he knelt down on one knee. He pulled a small box from his suit, opening it to reveal a beautiful ring. He had shown that ring to you before. It was his mom’s.

“Y/N, will you marry me?”

He was proposing.

It was now or never.

Present or past.

Calm or chaos.

Sweet or toxic.

Dream or desire.

Honey or broken glass.

Daniel or Max.

“Danny…” you said his name, a tear falling down your face. You crouched down to his level, hugging him.

And then you stood up, still crying.

“I’m sorry…”

You turned your back on him immediately, not wanting to see his face after you broke his heart. You wanted to look back, but you decided not to. You didn’t want to know the sight of him breaking down.

If you were going to remember Daniel’s face, you wanted to remember his big smile. Not his broken expression after you killed his heart.

You just shattered the heart of the sweetest man you have ever known. You just killed his butterflies.

You couldn’t ask for anything better from him, because you knew the best you’ve ever felt was with Max Verstappen.

So you ran away. From the place and from him.

You traded serenity with madness and chose the rocky road instead of the smooth sailing waves of the sea.

And now you found yourself at the place where Max and you had your first date.

It was 2 a.m. and it started raining. There was a streetlight above you from where you were standing.

You closed your eyes, basking in the feeling of rain that was pouring heavily. It was kind of comforting because the raindrops concealed your tears.

And then the rain suddenly stopped touching you and all that was left on your face was the drops that your eyes teared.

You opened your eyes, only to see a shadow of an umbrella and a man holding it to stop you from getting wet any longer.

You turned around to see his face.

Max Verstappen.

SLYTHERHEIGN TAGLIST: @writingstoraes @joshiiieeenesx

FORMULA ONE TAGLIST: @dreamingofautopia @lpab @matildrry @fangirl125reader @tall-tanned-tattoo @aundercover @stevesworld9 @princessria127

JOIN THE FINALE CELEBRATION!

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hadakzu · 5 months

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Wrote this while avoiding writing other comfort fic I started a while ago now lmao.

ANYWAY UM

Hawks x gn reader, hurt/comfort, trust issues I guess, (?)fear of abandonment, the reader struggles to open up and let people in, but Hawks is patient and helps!

"You know you don't always have to go through everything alone, right? You got me by your side, you know that, right?"

This wasn't the first time he would have to remind you of that. Wishing that you wouldn't just shut yourself out again, hide yourself from the world again. You were too precious for that, to not be seen by the world around you. To be forgotten to the shadows, left fighting your demons alone.

"I know"

You always said you knew.. but did you really? Because those words coming from your mouth felt more like a defense to hide how you truly felt. More like a practiced answer than anything. Trying to reassure him that you knew, so he wouldn't worry. Maybe you did know. You weren't stupid afterall, rationally speaking your brain probably knew you deserved to be cared for too, at least some amount..

But did you feel like you did? He doubted not.

Why else would you put up these walls around everyone, including him. Keeping people at arms length. Why else would you always leave out the important parts of your life. When he genuinely asked how you were, you only told him small stories of here and there, about your past few days. Telling them like a story that was practiced, carefully thought through, ready in your mind before he even got to properly ask, shifting the attention of the conversation to somewhere else. Avoiding his question.

"It's okay to lean on others sometimes.. it's okay to let people in, you know..?"

"I know.."

Again. You said you knew but your voice told him otherwise, it was unsure and careful. Like in your head you were fighting whether or not to believe that, whether or not it was okay to let him in. Whether or not everything would just fall down if you opened the gates for him, you hadn't left them down in a while. Would the whole wall just collapse at once, trapping both you and him under it. What if it was too much.. what if you were too much.. or worse. What if he thought you were just being overly dramatic, that it wasn't that bad. That you had no reason to feel this hurt.. Making things bigger than they were. Maybe you had been the one creating these problems for yourself. Maybe it was actually all just your fault... all on you.. Purely on you that this was what your life had become. Maybe you could have done something differently... If you just had tried harder... if you weren't so weak... if..

"Sweetie.. I don't think you do."

You felt the drop on your heart, you had been caught, he had seen right through you. He saw you were lying about how you were, and called you out on it. Not for blaming you, or to point a finger at you. He wasn't mad, he just cared. He wanted to reach that heart of yours, seeing how it was so wary of being hurt.

Starting by gently reaching to your hand, holding and caressing it in a reassuring manner, trying to sooth your mind from your thoughts. He should have to approach this gently, so you wouldn't close off even further. But he would reach you. Just like he always did. Even if sometimes it was bit harder, he wouldn't give up on you, you were worth fighting for. Even if it meant fighting your own inner thoughts.

"I know it can be hard, I know it's scary.. to open up and let someone care. When you're not used to it, and have been hurt by it before"

He looked at your eyes, hoping to reach yours too, so you could see it in his eyes, he was speaking the truth. His eyes filled with care, love and concern for you.. He wanted to see you shine again, like he knew you could. You were his sun during his darkest times, he wanted to be that for you too.

"I want to be your wings, to be someone you can trust to pick you up when you fall. We're supposed to be in this together afterall.. to be a team.. Isn't that right?"

Reaching to your cheek, thumb caressing your side as he finally reached those eyes. Giving you a soft smile, as to show how he had taken it to his heart, the words you had told him before.

"I learned that from you birdy. Now I want you to be the one to learn it too. To believe those words, to believe I care"

"I care."

As he said those words he gently put his head against yours, pulling you closer to him. He could feel he was close pulling you out of your thoughts. A soft kiss on your forehead, was what it took for you to finally let him in, wrapping your arms around him as you hid your face under his head. Against his chest, feeling his warmth.

It was a start.

"..I know"

That felt more genuine, it was quiet sure, but it felt more like you actually believed your words. You knew he cared, he wouldn't go out his way to reach you from these shadows if he didn't. Even if he had to do it more often than either of you would like, everytime he did, it was a progress. You letting him in, was a progress. And everytime after that, you got more of that beautiful shine of yours back. The light he had always seen in you, even when you didn't see it yourself. It was there, it just needed someone to make sure it didn't get blown off.

"You know, for someone with such big heart and such wise words, you really are bad at listening them yourself"

A small chuckle left your lips as you nuzzled closer to him, feeling his wings wrap around your body. Creating a safe cocoon that always made you feel better, if you just let yourself the permission to be wrapped in them. They made you feel safe. He made you feel safe.

"I know"

A shared laugh, it was a start. You would both learn how to do this together, to trust each other. To be loved by each other. You would learn to believe those words. It was okay to let people in, to be vulnerable. To be cared for.

It was still a process though, old thoughts of insecurities creeping up to your mind. Feeling quilty of having let this happen again, pushing him away, when all he wanted, was to be there for you.

"...I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this.. I just-"

He stopped you right there, tightening his arms just a little bit more. Rubbing your back as he started to talk. Feeling your heartbeat raise up.

"It's okay dove, I understand. You don't have to apologize, I got you now, alright? I'm here. We're in this together."

Biting your lip as you felt the effect of his words. He was too kind.. Maybe you didn't exactly understand what he saw in you, but he did see something. Something that made him care for you, even at the times you didn't make it easy. Actually, no. It was easy to care for you, but it wasn't always easy to get through to you. He would make sure to do it though, reassure you of your worth, remind you that you weren't a burden. There was something that would make him do it, over and over again, if only it meant being with you, reaching that beautiful heart of yours.

Feeling him this close, feeling his love. You couldn't help, but to believe his words. He truly cared. Only worry of yours was that he would eventually get tired of this, tired of you. Everytime he reached out it was slowly tearing down the walls, carefully so it wouldn't collapse. Letting the light come in and out of it more easily now, forging special path to your heart that he could walk. It was getting easier navigate than before, easier to reach the destination, than it had at the start. It was a progress.

But what if the progress was still too slow..

"please don't give up on me.. I swear I'm trying.. I really am"

Voice quiet as it broke down, he knew he had finally reached your heart, seeing behind those walls. Kissing the side of your head as he listened. Finally he would hear what was going on in that pretty head of yours. He would make sure to listen carefully, taking in what it was that bothered you, what were you so afraid of.

"I know you are sweetheart, and I see how far you've come. You really need to give yourself more of a credit. I see you and I see how much you do. "

Tears falling down your eyes, as you let yourself to be melted in his touch, in his words. Really listening them as you tried to be more open of how you felt. To let him in, even if it felt scary, even if the voices in your head told you to hide, you knew it wouldn't help. You knew it wasn't fair for him either, to keep him in the dark.

"I'm not planning on leaving, I never have. I don't think you realize, just how much of an amazing person you really are. You're perfect in my eyes, just.. please. Don't feel like you need to hide parts of yourself from me. I promise I won't see you any differently. I just want to be able to be there for you, to support you. It hurts me to see you in pain, to see you suffer alone, when I'm right here. You deserve to be cared for too. Please let me care."

Moment of silent as you listened to his words, listened to his voice. His voice sounded calm, yet you could hear the despair in it, trying to reassure your worrisome mind. Keeping you close as he just wanted you to be okay, be able to confide in him.

He really just wanted to be there. He really wanted to see what was running through your head.. to hear you out, hear your thoughts.. what happened to you to close off.

He cared a lot, it was new, it was scary. It felt warm, it felt.. safe. Intimidatingly enough his love felt safe, never had it been conditional or limited only to your good days or what you could provide. He simply just cared for you, loved you..

"I- I'll try."

That was good enough for him, it would be a good start. He would be patient with you and be there every step of the way, just like you where there for him. You would be in this journey together, learn how to lean in each other.

"That's all I could ask for, just know that I'm here.. Whatever it is that makes you feel like this, just know you're not alone."

Part of your wall fell down, feeling more lighter having him here, letting him see you this bare, being seen by someone who cared. You were sure you would be heard, whenever you felt ready to share. Keigo would listen and be your rock, Hawks would catch you if you fell off.

"I- I know. thank you"

Was all you let out as you broke down, because finally his words had reached your heart. Maybe it was okay to let him in afterall, to believe and trust in those words. Actually understand, you were not alone, not when he was by your side, fully embracing all sides of you heart.

Finally you could say that and believe it in your heart, you knew he cared, you knew it was okay to be cared. It was okay as long as he was here.

"Dove, it's okay now. Just let it out, there's no need to carry this alone. We're supposed to be in this together, it's what partners do. You deserve love too."

He kissed the top of your head as he kept you close, letting those tears run down and feel the relief of it flow. This was what you needed right now, to be here in his arms, wrapped around his wings. It was safe now, letting those gates open up, leaving them down. You would find he was still here.

You'd learn how to open your heart, even when you felt exposed, it was okay to be seen, let him care. Help you in time of need.

#ifkckv this is my first proper x reader fic I have written heh..#just so you know if it's garbage lmaoo #hawks x reader #hawks x reader comfort #keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader #hawks comfort #hawks x you #takami keigo x you #mha hawks #hurt/comfor #mha hawks comfort

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weirdgirl92 · 1 month

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So, I looked up the article for WatchMojo’s “Top 10 Darkest Powerpuff Girls Episodes”, just for funsies. Most of their picks are pretty understandable, but some of them are complete bullshit, like this one for instance:

I’m sorry, but…huh??? I mean, sure, The Sandman being forced into an endless cycle of insomnia is rather harsh, given that he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time, but there’s nothing particularly dark or scarring in that episode. It’s quite possibly one of the silliest, most lighthearted episodes of PPG to date.

This next one’s also a big head scratcher for me, especially since it’s ranked above much darker episodes on the list like Tough Love, Power-Noia, and Knock it Off…

Okay, listen, I love this episode as much as the next Powerpuff fan, but really, the only genuinely “dark” thing about Twisted Sister was the ending. I’m sure a lot of us back in the day were sad when Bunny died (I was too), but one sad ending doesn’t automatically make it a “dark episode”.

However, the worst thing about this list, are the honorable mentions…

Now, you could make a case for Octi Evil, and maybe Candy is Dandy, but the other three are laughably ridiculous! Yes, Boogie Frights does have a spooky, Halloween-esque atmosphere, but what’s so dark about it, aside from Buttercup’s scary story at the beginning?

Also, saying that A Made Up Story is somehow a “dark episode” is truly asinine. How exactly is an episode about a supervillain whose only gimmick is to paint everything in gaudy makeup even remotely dark?! Not only is it a terrible choice for a “dark episodes” list (let alone an honorable mention), but it’s just a terrible episode in general. It has everyone act completely out of character throughout the whole thing, especially Blossom!

And Supper Villain?? PUH-LEEZE! Like I’d ever take an episode like this seriously!

I get the feeling the folks at WatchMojo didn’t see enough of the original Powerpuff Girls series, because I can name 5 episodes right off the bat that are way darker than most of those honorable mentions:

Mommy Fearest

The Headsucker’s Moxy

See Me, Feel Me, Gnomey

Insect Inside

Mr. Mojo’s Rising

#sorry I know this was a stupid thing to complain about #I just wanted to get this out of my system #ppg #powerpuff girls #the powerpuff girls #watch mojo #dark episodes #random rant

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gingerylangylang1979 · 7 months

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Sick people are still sick, even if it's addiction or mental illness. We know that but we still don't think and act that way.

I've been wanting to post this for awhile but held back because it's a difficult topic but today I discovered some saddening news that made me feel it was time to talk about it. I'm not going to speak directly to that news or to any of the other situations I'm referencing. You can figure it out if you want but really it doesn't matter who the people are because the people can be anybody.

I'll start by saying I'm the child of a drug addict, my ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic, I've had many friends who have battled addiction and mental health issues. I was deeply hurt by growing up with an addict mother. It is the single most defining thing about me next to being a black woman. I am in my 40's and still grappling with the effects of growing up with her beside me and growing up with her absent from me. The abandonment, isolation, shame, uncertainty, fear, feelings of being cursed, never having normality, all of that will never leave me. All I can do is cope. And I experienced it all over again within a long term relationship in adulthood.

It's probably best that I was estranged from my mother. I know it's best that I left my ex for the last time. I didn't want those people in my live as they were and there was never any way to know if they would ever get better. My mother died. Not a drug related death, ironically she was killed by a drunk driver. Someone else's addiction took her. My ex is still living and the last I knew he was still drinking. A miracle could happen or he could drink the rest of his life.

But what I want to talk about is how we view these ill people. I hated my mother and my ex for a long, long time... until I didn't. That doesn't mean I'm not still angry or no longer hold them accountable. It just means I don't view them simply as my abusers and myself as their victim. It just means I had a shift, not only in how I see them but how I view all people. I had a religious/spiritual conversion at one of the darkest times of my life. Looking back I see that it happened shortly after I left my ex the last time and I was at a sort of rock bottom on every level. I won't go into the long story but will say I came out of the other side loving people. Not in a toxic positivity way, in a genuinely I value people and humanity was put here out of love, made with love, and we all deserve dignity and forgiveness, and can be redeemed no matter what. My whole worldview was rocked. It's a truly radical belief of my faith. Not the supernatural things. I think this because what the average person struggles with the most is just pure love for other people and love for themselves.

And when you view people with love, value life itself, all life, that you can look at a person who doesn't value their own well being and puts the well being of others, even those closest to them, in danger, and still say that person is a child of God who can be redeemed, who is not trash, who is not a loser.

And the funny thing is supposedly we are in a mental health awakening and supposedly see addiction and mental health ailments as sickness. But we still have a hard time accepting that when people are in the worst of their illness that they are indeed sick people. So we label, dismiss, and ridicule them. And if they are a celebrity, forget about it. We want to champion wellness, self care, and therapy but when someone actually desperately needs it and is struggling we shit on them.

I'm in no way saying all behavior is forgiven and there shouldn't be accountability. But after seeing some of what I've seen said recently and especially today it seems like people are just ready to tear someone's complete being down, not just condemn the behavior. I don't think my mom nor my ex were trash. They were deeply broken as we all are, in ways different from myself, or perhaps not and it just manifests in ways different than myself. It still hurts, it always hurts, but they were always hurting, too. It doesn't mean I needed to stay in a place they could hurt me but I didn't degrade their being in thought, speech, or action.

So these people don't deserve to have victims but they also don't deserve to be dehumanized.

We are all worthy of grace. So I'm going to continue to pray for healing of myself and those I know who are struggling.

#addiction #mental illness #grace #redemption #faith #god saves

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celestialastronmy · 3 months

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The Ripple of Time: An Analysis of Max's Character Development in Life is Strange

Here, I go again with another unnecessary analysis of a game that I have completed playing. Today, we're diving headfirst into the world of Life is Strange a game that's as much about taming time as it is about taming adolescents. The protagonist, Max Caulfield, isn't your average teenager. Besides dealing with high school drama, she also juggles with a power that most of us wish we had at some point in our lives the ability to rewind time. So get ready because we're about to explore how Max's temporal shenanigans affect her relationships and personal growth throughout the game.

To kick things off, let's talk about the most obvious impact of Max's power: her ability to redo conversations. We've all had those moments where we thought of the perfect comeback...about five hours too late. Max doesn't have that problem. She can rewind time to make sure she always says the right thing, at the right time, to the right person. It's like having a cheat code for social situations!

But what does this do to her relationships? Well, for starters, it makes them more complex. Max becomes a master manipulator, albeit with good intentions. She uses her powers to gain insight into what people want to hear and then tailors her responses accordingly. Whether it's convincing Victoria to step off her high horse or encouraging Kate Marsh in her darkest hour, Max uses her powers to nudge situations in her favor.

The downside? It's a double-edged sword. Max's relationships aren't entirely genuine. There's an element of artifice in her interactions because she knows what people want to hear. This raises the question of authenticity in relationships. Can we consider Max's friendships genuine when they're built on a foundation of rewound conversations and altered responses?

One of the most significant aspects of Life is Strange is the concept of choice and consequence. Max's power to rewind time essentially gives her the ability to choose her consequences, a luxury not afforded to us in the real world. However, as Max soon discovers, even with the ability to change her decisions, there are no perfect outcomes.

Max's relationship with Chloe is a prime example of this. Throughout the game, Max uses her powers to save Chloe from various perils. However, each rescue has its own set of repercussions, leading to an escalating series of events that culminate in a storm threatening to destroy Arcadia Bay. This forces Max to make a heart-wrenching choice: save Chloe, her best friend, or save the town and its inhabitants. It's a stark reminder that every action has a reaction, and even with the ability to alter time, one cannot escape the consequences of their choices.

Max's power also affects her relationship with herself. As she navigates the complexities of adolescence, her power acts as a safety net, allowing her to experiment with different choices without fear of permanent consequences. This gives her the confidence to step out of her comfort zone and evolve as a person. However, it also leads to a sense of detachment from reality. Max becomes so engrossed in her time-altering abilities that she starts losing touch with the real world. This culminates in the "Nightmare Sequence" in Episode 5, where Max is forced to confront the psychological toll of her powers.

'Life is Strange' also explores the theme of regret through Max's powers. In the game, Max constantly wrestles with regret over past choices and uses her powers to rectify her mistakes. However, she soon learns that trying to erase regret only leads to more regrettable outcomes. This is most evident in the alternate reality where Max saves Chloe's father, only to discover that Chloe is now paralyzed. It's a poignant reminder that we cannot change the past without altering the future, and that living in regret is not truly living.

In conclusion, 'Life is Strange' uses Max's time-traveling abilities to explore themes of choice and consequence, self-discovery, and regret. Max's journey underscores the importance of accepting the consequences of our actions, embracing personal growth, and learning to let go of regret. It's a testament to the game's narrative prowess that it uses a fantastical element like time travel to deliver such grounded and human lessons. Amidst the time rewinds and butterfly effects, Life is Strange remains, at its core, a story about growing up and coming to terms with the complexity of life and relationships.

#life is strange #max caulfield #chloe price #character analysis #I've just completed this game a couple of months ago and thought I would share this #I also noticed Max reminisces a lot while Rachel thought about the future

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millenari · 3 months

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1, 11, 3, 5, 6, 9, 16 for Demeter and Tugger ☺️

I got a separate ask for Tugger so I'll do him next ✨✨✨

1. Canon I outright reject

I still sometimes get annoyed by this, like genuinely ALW or whoever can truly fuck off if they think Demeter's singular noteworthy skill is 'flirting'.

Also this isn't necessarily 'canon' but I can't do her and Bomba being sisters AND I can't see Demeter as being 'young' OR younger than Bomba. That woman is in her thirties. To Me.

3. Obscure headcanon

Back when Demeter ran with Macavity she was kind of his 'showgirl'. The image that kind of comes to mind is this Harley Quinn and Joker scene in that awful s‌uicide squad movie where Harley is dancing and Joker and his coworkers or whatever are all watching her? Kind of like that (but with more of a jazzy vibe)-- she would sing and perform for the cats that Macavity 'led', and would often be his hype-man and sing about his accomplishments. So when she pops up to sing his song in the musical it's a weird moment for her-- she's kind of returning to what she knows and finding comfort in that, and also feeling a little horrified in herself for finding comfort in it.

5. Best personality trait

Despite everything she's gone through, Demeter genuinely tries to see the best in everyone. For example, Bomba can be a bit callous sometimes (as much as she genuinely loves Demeter) and I do think there have been periods of their relationship that were so rocky that they wouldn't have been able to pull through if not for Demeter's compassion & understanding. (Like I said, Bomba does love Demeter, but in Bomba's own words, she's 'not good at loving things').

And this can be a genuinely hard thing for Demeter to do, but it's something she puts a deliberate effort into all the time. She doesn't want Macavity to dig his claws into her any more than he already has. Doesn't want him to twist her into something like him, especially not when he isn't even around to torment her anymore.

6. Worst personality trait

Most cats I think would say it's her paranoia. Personally I think she has every right to be paranoid, but for the others it can be difficult when something 'sets her off'. Partially because she will absolutely not back down if she thinks she or the others are not safe, and partially because it happens so often. Macavity has a lot of magical powers that allow him to be sneaky, so all sorts of strange sounds or weird shadows will have her convinced he's nearby, which can instantly turn a fun outing on the town into an emotionally draining hours-long crawl with everyone's noses to the ground in order to convince Demeter that what she saw or heard was completely mundane.

Again, I think she has a right to it, but it can be difficult for the others to contend with her in those situations.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Everything about the Macavity song, man. She's interesting through the whole play, but her choreo and singing (esp 98!Demeter, Aeva May is 👌) has so much character in it, and it's one of the moments of Cats where, if I've gotten distracted while watching, my attention is immediately drawn back in.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Aeva May is my favorite Demeter of all time. Her face, her bodytype, her voice, all of her. I don't necessarily have face claims for my humanized hcs (despite thinking of them often lmao), but in my stuff she's basically a blonde white woman with short spikey hair, big eyes, and a reputation for wearing mom jeans.

Additionally, most of the cats I couldn't really give a shit about their eye color, but I love a green/hazel eyed Demeter. Something about how their eyes look so big and haunted.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

As much as Macavity made her life hell, and twisted her up emotionally in ways she'll probably never recover from, and stole years of her life & pounds of her innocence that she'll never get back... She doesn't completely want him gone from her life.

She doesn't want him dead, that she would admit with only some reluctance. She still loves him in some awful way, that she'll admit to herself (and solely to herself). But on top of all of that, she doesn't even want him gone, not fully. Doesn't want him to move on from her (God knows she'll never move on from him), doesn't want him to hassle someone else, doesn't want to live her days in peace. That's her monster, and she bled for it and cried for it-- for years. It took so much of her she wouldn't feel like a full person anymore if it left her entirely.

That's something she'd never even admit to herself. The fear of Macavity returning for her keeps her awake at night-- so even admitting that she feels in such a way almost feels like a betrayal of her own self.

#cats fan on main #thank you for the ask! 🥰🥰#demeter cats #edit: added 6 👍

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writing-funsies · 2 years

Text

OP characters as besties p.3

p.1 | p.2 | p.3 | p.4 | p.5

characters: Franky, Brook, Robin

warnings: none

notes: all platonic hc's

Franky

will adopt you

no questions asked

won't even tell you about it

he just does it

1. because he thought it'd be funny

and 2. because he genuinely considers you to be a part of his family now

loves to tinker with you

you two act as soundboards for each other to bounce ideas off of

which leads to the weirdest possible inventions

he totally cries over your achievements

he's just so proud

and you're so super

and come on, it's manly to be so open with your emotions

or he's just having a slight malfunction

either way, we support a supportive bestie

the intrusive thoughts always win

if you propose something

from inventions to weird food combos or random unnecessary upgrades

he will 1000% make it happen

it might take a while

but the results are worth it

and those results will most likely earn both of you a harsh lecture from Nami

another duo that shares approximately 1 brain cell

which Franky hogs to create his projects

otherwise, it's on vacation

no filters

you two say the wildest things to each other

it's like you've made a whole new language

the whole crew could be lounging on the deck

enjoying some nice summer weather

and you look at the cyborg and say

ham and cheese with tomato on cherry wood

and it's like a lightbulb appears over his head

he races to his workshop to add to his latest project

meanwhile, everyone else is staring at you like you've grown an extra head

9/10

a SUPER bestie

but won't hesitate to fire you out of a canon for funsies

Brook

asks to see your panties

or asks you to steal Nami's panties

you are besties, aren't you?

isn't that the type of thing best friends do for each other?

whole conversations that consist of only skeleton jokes

plays you music all the time

will teach you any instrument you want to learn

wakes you up by playing music that you detest for no reason

dead jokes

tea parties with him and Robin

staring contest that you're not quite sure why you agreed to

but it's too late and mama ain't raise no quitter

will scare you with his soul powers

will pretend to be asleep if you're mad at him so he doesn't have to listen to you fuss at him

though that backfires pretty quick

because you just chew him out anyway

and then you chew him out again when he 'wakes' up

if you like to sing

he'll happily sing with you

though if you prefer to play an instrument

he'll play a duet with you

if you're not a musically inclined person

he'll take care of the music for you

supporting him by buying some of his TD's and merch

deep talks that begin and end at random

catching him up with the fifty years of history that he lost

him teaching you about things from when he was alive

and telling you stories of the past

the dichotomy of the past and future combined in the present

8/10

wonderful all around

but just as pervy as the cook

Robin

tea parties with her and Brook

and lounging with her and Nami

her telling you about the history of the world

about her mission in life

you two just casually watching the others freak out over nothing

keeping cool during battles

kicking ass

and taking names

having discussions that always devolve into the darkest parts of your minds

which scares the more...impressionable members of the crew (Chopper, Usopp, Franky, and sometimes Nami)

lowkey adding even more chaos to everyone's shenanigans

her being pleasantly surprised when you reveal some of your quirks

regardless of if said quirks are just personal habits or new fighting techniques

she trusts you wholeheartedly

and you trust her just as much

you two help keep each other grounded

and have open discussions about your pasts

*working through your trauma together*

she encourages you to be more open and be the person you truly want to be

and you give her another reason to want to live

9/10

the voice of reason

but will voice the absolute worst-case scenarios at the worst times

#one piece headcanons #one piece #one piece x y/n #one piece imagines #one piece x reader #straw hat pirates #cyborg franky #franky #franky x reader #robin x reader #nico robin #soul king brook #one piece brook #op brook

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storiesiwrite · 1 year

Text

Muse ☾ Lee Seokmin

Genre: fluff, second chance trope, exes to lovers, mutual pining

Word count: 4470

Summary: It’s been two years since you and Seokmin broke up, but you can’t seem to move on. It turns out he feels the same way.

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

It’s a quarter past three in the morning, and sleep evades Seokmin.

It’s both baffling and frustrating; he genuinely thought he would collapse on the bed after retreating to his hotel room. Yet he’s been tossing and turning all throughout the night, cheers from the crowd still echoing in his head long past the show. His hands brush the sheets beneath him, as soft as silk yet devoid of familiarity. Devoid of that feeling of home.

That’s what this job entails, he’s tried to tell himself. Arrive in a city, perform the concert’s setlist, then leave. Moving from one temporary stop to another, not truly belonging to one place. He hasn’t even stepped foot inside his actual home in months, his schedule so packed he barely has time to settle down.

Days pass by so quickly they coalesce into a blur. And nights feel the longest, the most brutal, because it’s during the darkest hours when loneliness tugs at him, and memories slither in through the cracks of his being.

Visions of a familiar face. Of someone with warm eyes and the most intoxicating laugh.

He grabs his phone and unlocks it, its light illuminating the darkened room. He hates the fact that this is what has become of his nightly routine.

Opening his gallery, he scrolls up to find the last image of you and him, dated back to two years ago. Autumn, at a carnival. He remembers that evening so clearly. He remembers how packed it was, how loud, how he kept on bumping against people wherever he went. The decorations and lights that festooned the venue, the stalls lined with plush toys you could win in games.

All that beautiful sight, but what caught his attention was you.

Clad in a black trench coat and a cream turtleneck, a stick of swirly cotton candy in one hand, you looked dashing. And Seokmin couldn’t tear his eyes off of you.

“What? Is something on my face?” You’d asked him then, your fingers searching for stains of the pink confectionery.

Heat creeps up his neck, embarrassed at having been caught outright staring. It didn’t matter that he’d been dating you for a year; sometimes he’d still get shy whenever you were around. “You’re just... you’re really beautiful.”

Now it was your turn to get flustered, your cheeks running red. It was the cutest thing Seokmin had ever seen. Your eyes struggled to meet his, though he could never understand why. There was nothing you had to hide.

“You make me blush when you say things like that, you know,” you finally admitted.

“But I love it when you do.” He laced your fingers with his. “Especially when I’m the reason why.”

He couldn’t forget the small smile that lit your face afterwards, reserved only for him. It was seared onto the deepest corners of his mind.

He couldn’t forget how lucky he’d been, how happy he’d felt those few months with you. They were the best moments of his life, and he realizes, albeit far too late, that even though he now gets to live his dream and tour across the world, something is still missing, severed from him. A gap, one neither sold-out stadiums not record-breaking albums can ever cover.

Regrets. They fill him now, but they can’t change the past.

Seokmin continues looking at old pictures and videos, until a heaviness clings to his eyes. Until he is a mess of bittersweet memories and untangled feelings. Tossing the phone to the side, he buries himself under the covers as though they would smother them all.

What a terrible thing, he ponders. His last thought, before sleep drags him under. What a terrible thing, to still miss someone who isn’t longer mine.

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

Whatever it was that drove you to think this would be a good idea, you’re starting to regret it.

The streets are dark as you make your way towards the stadium, the cold clinging to your skin despite the thick duffle coat wrapped around your body. You were worried you wouldn’t be able to find the venue, but the moment you turn a nearby corner, you see a throng of people already awaiting outside the stadium doors.

Loud, excited chatters fill the air as you push your way through the crowd, the ticket a crumpled piece of paper in your fingers. It’s difficult to stay calm in a space as suffocating as this, with a lot of fans fighting to claim the best spots at the very front of the stage, though you know it’s not the sole reason you’re feeling anxious tonight.

What were you thinking, agreeing to go to Seokmin’s concert?

“Oh, come on,” Chan had said through the phone, playfulness lacing his words. He’d called you earlier this morning, explaining how he’d bought a ticket months ago but wouldn’t be able to make it. “You’re free tonight, aren’t you? You don’t have to pay; I’ll give it to you for free.”

“But... I just can’t. It’s Seokmin we’re talking about here, and I just...” you trailed off, but you didn’t have to explain further. You weren’t ready. And it hit you then, the realization weighing down on you, that even though you’d ended things with him two years ago, the wound from the breakup is still startlingly fresh.

That it would take a hell lot longer to move past him.

“I thought... I thought you parted with him on friendly terms?” Chan continued, his confidence shrinking.

The split was amicable; you and Seokmin simply realized you both had different goals that would be taking you in different directions. Becoming a performing artist means Seokmin would have to travel to places, whereas as a writer, you prefer to stick to one.

The relationship ended amicably, but it’s not as if you remain on speaking terms, either.

You’ve thought about reaching out to him more often than you’d like to admit. Sometimes you’d find yourself searching him up on social media to see what he’s been up to. The photos, videos, and little snippets that he uploads.

You can’t help thinking how you used to be an integral part of his life. And now you’re completely out of the picture—just a stranger, typing messages to him but always leaving them unsent.

A crackle through the line. When you said nothing, Chan took a breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said in all earnestness and remorse, his voice reduced to almost a whisper. “I’m... I’m starting to realize that this is insensitive of me. To ask you, of all people. I just thought...” You could hear Chan fumbling for words. “I’ve asked everyone else. Mingyu, Joshua, Jun. None of them can go. And then I thought of you and I just... I’m really sorry.”

The idea of rejecting the offer flashed through your mind like a constant warning sign. You knew deep down that you’re terrified. You’re terrified to see him, to confront the truth. That perhaps, Seokmin has been better off without you, whereas you still wander down that narrow path of ‘what if’s and wonder what could have been.

And yet, stronger than that fear is an undeniable part of you that longs to see him. A part of you that wishes him well and still considers him a dear friend, despite how everything unfolded. All those promises you made back then, of being there for him every step of the way, of coming to his shows—they’re what still remain. And you realize the least you can do is to honor them.

And so you finally said, “Okay, Chan. I’ll go.”

“You will? You sure about that?” The hesitation was clear in his voice.

“I’m sure.”

But now, standing in the midst of loud strangers in a wide expanse of a darkened concert stadium, you’re not so certain anymore.

So wrapped up in your thoughts, you’re not sure how much time has passed. You watch as the stage grows brighter and the crowd explodes with a deafening scream. A tall figure enters the stage, and your heart races at the sight.

Seokmin.

With a guitar slung to one side, he walks to the center and stops in front of a mic that has already long stood there. His eyes are like crescents as he beams at the audience before him, waving his hand.

“Hello everyone, thank you for coming! Wow, what a cool crowd.” His voice is teeming with delight. You haven’t realized how much you’ve missed hearing it.

So many girls around you begin shouting his name, banners lifted above their heads. You can’t help the pang of jealousy that assails you.

“Tonight, I’ll be singing songs from my new album, as well as old tracks you may not have heard before. I hope you enjoy!”

The crowd screams in excitement, yet you can still hear the thumping of your own heart, stubborn and relentless. Strong emotions you’ve been trying to bury come barreling toward you. It’s too much all at once, difficult to drown out.

This is a bad idea, your mind keeps telling you. A terrible idea, but for some inexplicable reason, your feet stay rooted to the floor, your eyes trained on nobody else but him.

Dark hair slicked back, clad in a black shirt underneath that brown suede jacket. A touch of make-up on his eyes which shine under the lights. Seokmin looks so devastatingly beautiful. Happier than ever.

“The first song...” he pauses. A slight change in his tone, one anyone else might have missed, but you’re not just anyone else.

He smoothens out his features so quickly that you think you imagined the shift altogether. “This is a song I wrote years ago, one I’ve never sung in a show before. It’s definitely one I hold close to my heart.” A tight-lipped smile as he looks down and adjusts the guitar. “A love letter to someone who knew how I felt.”

The cheers turn to silence as the soft strumming of his guitar begins. A familiar tune, one you’ve heard many times before, drawing forth a memory from years ago.

You remember being in your apartment, the room dimly lit, noises from the streets below drifting through the open windows. Seokmin was on the couch, playing the guitar as he tried to conjure melodies befitting the chords. You sat beside him, basking it all in.

It was a rough day, you can still recall, college work piling up on your desk but you couldn’t begin with any of them due to writer’s block. Instead, you’d called your boyfriend over, because you knew his presence would lift your unease.

And you were right. The moment the apartment door swung open, he immediately folded his arms around your body, pulling you in. You shut your eyes and let his scent fill your lungs. His tenderness, his care—they coursed through you, kindling a warmth you’d been bereft of when he wasn’t around.

“Hey,” he began, a comforting whisper against the troubled thoughts in your mind. “You okay? What’s wrong?”

You leaned against him, your words so muffled you worried he wouldn’t catch them. “Today just isn’t my day.”

You couldn’t say more. And you didn’t need to, because he immediately understood.

He always did, in ways you realized nobody else could. Perhaps that is the reason why, after so many dates Chan has put you through these past two years, you can’t seem to let go. And now, as you watch him perform, you realize that you and Seokmin share something that can neither be so easily forged nor so easily cast away.

And that song, the one he sang for you in your apartment that day, had been a work in progress. An unfinished version of the song he’s now singing on stage in front of the crowd.

The memory of it makes you wonder if he still thinks of you whenever he sings the song. If you ever once cross his mind.

Chances are, he hasn’t even thought of you these past two years. The breakup must have messed you up more than it did him. Regrets have kept you up late through the night, while he probably has moved on with his life, keeping himself busy with his music career, meeting someone new—

But when the song comes to an end, he scans the crowd and, like a stroke of luck, his gaze lands on yours. And you could have sworn he stiffens at the sight of you, in the same way your heart plummets and you can no longer think straight.

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

The chaos disappears the moment Seokmin shuts the door behind him. His breath runs ragged, and light sweat sticks to his clothes. He can’t seem to compose himself; there’s only one thought that runs circles in his head.

It was you, he knows for a certainty. You’d been there.

He recognized you. Of course he did; he’d recognize you anywhere, among any crowd.

But he can’t help asking himself why. Why you came after everything that went down.

He spends the next hour in his trailer wondering. Wondering if you enjoyed the show, if you liked the way he sang. Wondering if, after all this time, he haunts your thoughts the way you still haunt his.

None of that should matter, because you’re no longer his, and he is no longer yours.

The break-up was one of the toughest moments he had to live through. He recalls sitting next to you in his bedroom, tears staining your cheeks and his own. With bloodshot eyes, you asked him, “Are we really doing this?”

“I guess we are.” He had never sounded so resigned.

“Thank you for everything, for being such a loving, supportive boyfriend and being so much more than I deserve,” you said with a sniffle, and his fingers found your cheek.

“You deserve the world. You deserve more than I can ever give you.” He tried to put on a smile, tried to be strong. “You’re the better half of me, remember?”

A humorless laugh. “You’re the better half of me.”

He shook his head. “You’re the kindest, most amazing person I know. I’m so lucky to have ever been yours.”

“So am I. I really wish you didn’t have to go.” Your voice was cracking all over.

Guilt lanced through him. Your relationship wouldn’t have had to end if Seokmin had chosen another career path. But performing on the stage was and has always been his passion, and he could never imagine himself doing anything else. You knew this, and yet you chose to stick by his side, and for that he was grateful.

“I’m really, really going to miss you.” He sobbed, pulling you into an embrace for one last time. He held you close, inhaling your scent, reveling in the feel of your body flushed against his.

And when you walked out the door, it was as if you’d taken parts of him with you, the world having lost its color.

Seokmin truly thought letting go would get easier as the seasons march forward, that time would stitch the wounds strewn across his heart. But two years have passed and here he is, still grieving the relationship he lost. Two years have passed and yet, he still keeps coming back to you.

He hates the way he can’t stifle his emotions, his longing for you practically woven into his every song. At first, he resorted to songwriting because that has always been his way of coping with circumstances he can’t change and feelings he can’t comprehend.

But now he’s gone and made you his constant, his muse.

It shouldn’t matter, he keeps telling himself. But the fact that you showed up at one of his shows...

It feels like an opening, a crevice in the invisible wall that stretches between you both. It gives him hope that perhaps, he isn’t the only one struggling with these feelings. It gives him the courage to do what’s next.

He’s going to go and see you.

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

The sky has turned dark beyond the windows, the busy day drawing to a close.

Like any other Sundays, the café was teeming with people, some of them stopping by for brunch or a quick meet-up, while others lingered longer, books splayed out on the coffee table, their faces illuminated by the light coming from their laptop screens. Today was particularly exhausting since one of your work colleagues, Vernon, took a sick leave, which meant you had to handle more workload than usual.

And tonight, you’re in charge of closing the café, the others having left not long ago. You begin wiping off coffee stains on desks, the action so familiar that you can do it without having to think twice. Your eyes are heavy, limbs threaded with fatigue, and the only thing that keeps you going is the fact that you’re almost through with work.

You’re about to turn off the lights when, suddenly, the doorbell jingles. You frown. It’s beyond closing time.

“We’re about to close—” you call out, but as you look up to see who it is, the words come to a halt, dread running through you.

It’s Seokmin, lingering by the door.

You blink a few times, not quite believing your eyes. But there’s no denying that he is standing there, just a few strides away. The confidence he carried just the night before is now nowhere to be found, and it seems like he’s trying to amass his courage to step through the threshold.

“Hi,” Seokmin starts, his features inscrutable.

You’re unsure how to proceed. Unsure how to address him now when you’d always regarded him as your boyfriend. “Hi. Um, I… we’re about to close.”

A stupid thing to say, but you can’t imagine why he would show up if not for the coffee.

He pushes the bridge of his glasses up his nose. “I know. I just… I was nearby and thought that maybe, you still work here. I guess I wanted to come by.” He continues with more certainty. “I wanted to see you.”

Your mind seems to run blank. How can you respond to that?

He misconstrues your silence and begins stammering. “Uh, well, I mean, unless... Unless this isn’t what you want, which I completely get.” He gestures with his hands the way he always did whenever his self-assurance dwindled. “I’m sorry. I can leave if you want me to—”

“No.” The word leaves you in an instant, so full of emotion you curse yourself for it. You move closer to him, striving for a semblance of calm. “What I mean to say is, it’s okay. You can stay.”

“Yeah?” A timid smile on his lips. “You’re about to close the shop, aren’t you? I can help you with things.”

Your heart warms at his words, at his kindness, and you can’t help but smile back. Being an artist hasn’t changed him. “Would that be okay? I’m almost done, actually. I just have to clean the tables and wash some cups before I leave.”

He rolls up his sleeves and grabs a cloth. “Then I’ll help you with it.”

It doesn’t take long to complete the remaining tasks. You and Seokmin fill the silence by catching up, and you find it comforting how, for a moment in time, you can slip back and pretend as if things are alright. There’s no awkwardness as you banter with him, and he seems genuinely interested to hear how you’ve been. He’s always been a good listener, attentive of even the smallest of details—it’s one of the reasons why you fell for him in the first place.

And before you know it, it’s a little over midnight and you’re locking the doors, about to head home. Seokmin has offered to walk with you despite his early schedule tomorrow, and you’re aware—perhaps too aware—of the way he keeps on glancing at you, like he has something he wishes to say but the words remain unspoken.

That makes it the two of you, then.

The trees lining the sidewalk sway under the wind as the temperature grows colder into the night. You cross your arms over your body and look over at Seokmin, who isn’t faring any better than you, shivering under the purple sweater he dons. His hair is a ruffled mess, and you find yourself wanting to reach out and rake your fingers through it.

It takes everything in you to abandon that idea.

After a while, Seokmin finally breaks the silence. “You were there.”

Your stomach drops. You know where this is going.

“The concert last night, I mean,” he says, looking at you, and you don’t know why the sight of him tugs at your heartstrings so.

You don’t know what to say. You had a feeling earlier that this would come up at some point, but still, you don’t know how to behave when he’s no longer the Seokmin with whom you’d exchange stories and secrets. The Seokmin you’d search for when you had good news to tell or terrible news to break.

At last, you settle for this: “I was. You were amazing out there, Seok. Truly.” The words you’re saying—even though you mean them, they sound so strained.

A pause, before he asks, “Why did you come?”

“I promised you, remember?” You can’t quite expel the heaviness lodged in your throat. “I promised I’d be there.”

Seokmin doesn’t reply, but the small smile he wears tells you that he remembers.

He takes a deep breath. “I’m… I’m really sorry. For everything that happened between us. For the break-up and all the pain I caused you.” His expression is pained, and it hurts you to see him that way.

“It isn’t entirely your fault. I’m sorry, too.” You try to contain your grief but to no avail. “The break-up was difficult for me. And to be completely honest, it still is.”

You don’t know why you kept on talking. It feels like reopening old wounds that haven’t quite scabbed over, letting him in through the cracks he left.

Seokmin looks like he’s surprised. “It is?”

You nod. “I… I keep coming back to the day we broke up, and whenever I do, I’m overcome with regret. I still wish we’d done things differently.” You can’t put a brake on the words that spill out of your mouth, your pent-up emotions finally coming to light.

“I keep thinking of you,” you continue, your voice wavering. “And often, I wonder if you think of me.”

Tears are beginning to well in your eyes. You don’t realize you and Seokmin are no longer walking, having come to a stop in front of your apartment building. It’s time to part ways, but a part of you is having a hard time saying goodbye.

“I…” he begins. He seems like he’s about to reach out to you, lifting his hand briefly towards you only to drop it to his side. You hold his gaze, his brown eyes so striking yet warm. The bangs that frame his face. That small mole on his cheek that he used to hate but you adore so much you helped him change his mind. The perfect curve of his nose, the faint, crimson tinges on his cheeks.

You try to remember the little details, because you know this will be the last time you’ll ever get to see them. The last time you’ll ever get to see him.

Seokmin says nothing in return. He just looks at you, his face inscrutable, and you curse yourself for having let yourself be vulnerable. For putting him in a more uncomfortable position. It’s embarrassing, how you yearn for him when he clearly doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.

“I’m… I’m really sorry for having said all that. I was speaking nonsense, really. I just… I think my brain’s all muddled after today’s shift and all.” Your courage wanes, and you wish you could disappear right now. Fishing out the apartment keys, you gesture towards the door, not stopping even as Seokmin looks like he’s about to say something.

“Thank you for walking me home, Seok. It’s really good seeing you,” you utter quickly, unable to face him. It’s too much.

“Wait—”

But you don’t, walking away from him with tears in your eyes. It’s embarrassing. So fucking embarrassing—

“I’m still in love with you!”

You stop in your tracks. You can’t believe your ears.

Are those words meant for me? You turn around to see him gazing at you, something like longing and desperation in his eyes.

“I’m still in love with you,” he repeats, quieter this time.

This time, you’re the one who’s speechless.

“You said you wonder if I think of you.” He continues, slowly closing the distance between you both. “There’s not a second that I don’t. My music, all those lyrics I’ve written—they’ve always been about you. You’ve always been my muse.”

He stops moving when he’s within arm’s reach. “I’ve tried to move on, but I can never seem to let you go. I can never forget how happy and complete I felt when I was with you, and there is never a moment that I don’t regret breaking up with you.” His voice breaks, but he goes on. “I promised myself that if I ever get the chance some day, I’d try to make things right. And when I saw you during the concert, I thought it as a sign.”

What he’s saying is so hard to believe that you have to ask him again. You have to make sure.

“Are you saying that you still love me?”

“I’ve never stopped.”

You can’t help the smile that slowly spreads across your face. “I’ve never stopped loving you too, Seok.”

He lets out a laugh of relief, lifting his hand to wipe the tears from his eyes. “Even after all this time?”

You don’t answer, closing the gap between you both. Touching your forehead to his, you shut your eyes to revel in the moment. The midnight sky above you, millions of stars strewn across it. The rustling of the wind that moves the trees. The person you love right in front of you. It’s too good to be true.

“Can I kiss you?” He murmurs, his breath fanning your cheeks.

“Yes,” you reply immediately. “God, yes.”

And then his lips meet yours, soft as ever. His fingers graze your chin, tilting your head up to deepen the kiss, and your arms find his sides in a way that reminds you how familiar this is.

This, you realize, tucked in Seokmin’s gentle embrace. This feels so much like coming home.

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vigilskeep · 1 year

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While I do believe Malcolm and Leandra truly loved each other, I also think they got overwhelmed with the situation fast. I doubt any of them had much knowledge about how to keep a family afloat, how to take care of a baby ...

Reminds me a bit of ending of The Graduate, where both ditch the wedding and catch a bus, and then their faces fall as realisation sets in that they are now stuck with each other.

And Malcolm and Leandra were that, too. They didn't have anyone but each other. Which is a bit romantic but mostly unhealthy on the long term.

What do you think? I don't want to bash Leandra because she isn't an evil hagm just a normal woman. But if I think about being in that situation with my husband and my daughter, whom I love very much, with no outside support, no friends, I want to scream.

i think it was definitely daunting and a sharp sharp learning curve. with a circle and a noble education, they probably know a lot, but not anything that’s particularly useful about surviving on your own in darkest ferelden or raising a baby. they had no community to learn from or be supported by and it would be incredibly hard to join any sort of community when in those earlier years they had to be on the move because of the templars. they would have thought abt this ahead of time i think, especially my characterisation of malcolm, but expectation is different to facing the reality and i have no doubt there were moments of resentment and argument and regret

on the other hand, they made it! they did all that! sure maybe malcolm and leandra weren’t flawless best parents in the world but with all that against them, i think they did okay! they evaded the templars for twenty-five years, raised three strong brave talented generally good (depending on ur hawke characterisation) people, and eventually made a home and settled into lothering where they seem to have been genuinely well-liked with efforts still made to stay in contact with them several years later. when leandra in the prologue says it’s all gone everything your father and i built, or something to that effect, she’s not exaggerating, they really did get somewhere

and not just through malcolm’s training and perseverance. leandra may be a noblewoman, but it’s ahistorical to assume noblewomen simply fluttered abt the world like butterflies not knowing anything. leandra knows how to socially integrate, how to manage finances and a household, how to keep up appearances, how to memorise family details, how to charm, how to lie, how to entertain guests; maybe lothering is on a very different scale to what she’s to, but it would’ve been a good start, and far more than anything malcolm knew. in da2 once she recovers from her grief and depression, she has several bits of dialogue abt making the same real efforts to get back involved with kirkwall high society. she isn’t just sitting in the estate, and it’s not just hawke bashing heads all over the city that gets you your social standing back

#malcolm hawke #leandra amell

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thewingedmuse · 2 years

Text

light at the end of the tunnel 🌠

this reading is for those of us who feel like we have hit rock bottom.

there's nowhere to go now but upwards.

hope blooms in the darkest of places.

don't give up. this reading is a sign that the light at the end of the tunnel is nigh.

Pick-a-Pile — “If you feel hopeless, read this.”

🔑 Note: Each reading contains an image infused with the healing energy of my spirit companion H, along with the extra push towards the direction which you seek. To use, simply meditate and gaze softly at the image. You might receive intuitive messages or see visions in them. If you need an answer, clear your mind and they will come to you. May you find comfort and success. Much love!

Dividers are from Firefly Graphics. Above pictures made with Wombo Dream. Individual pictures in each pile from Unsplash.

Pile 1 🌠 Pile 2

Pile 3 🔦 Pile 4

Pile 1

Cards: Two of Pentacles (r), The Devil (r), Wheel of Fortune (r)

You've been struggling. You feel so hopeless like a car running on the last drops of petrol, about to collapse. You feel so tiny compared to the problems you're facing. Probably financial and related to family. It might be that your family (the people who are supposed to aid you) turned their back on you or weren't able to help you out of this. I feel resentment and anger from you, plus jealousy from those around you. These are people who have known you since a long time ago. They were jealous of your capabilities and qualities they wished they had. Beware of rumours they might spread. Be always ready to defend yourself if necessary but only do so when your boundaries are crossed because this is not the right time to ignite unnecessary unprovoked fights.

Your financial situation will improve if you try your best to earn enough while cutting any unnecessary spending. Spend minimalistically. Keeping the essential things up including your basic needs should be your top priority. You will get through this. This situation is not going to stretch for long. As long as you play your cards right you will see improvement. There are people willing to help you. If you have anything to trade their help with, for example art commissions, repairs, help drive them, etc then you'd find that they could help lighten your burden. If you have more mouths to feed other than yourself, consider enlisting help to take care of the younger ones.

I know it's not easy to put on a tough face. You've been tough for so long, you were always expected to be strong and to be the one who shoulders the burden. Take a deep breath and relax your shoulders. What's happening now is truly challenging. You are very brave for doing what you do. I wish you all the best outcomes. The cards are smiling for you, and so is the future.

Now, looking at the Wheel of Fortune card, it tells that you are about to receive an academic or career opportunity. You might be quite young. This opportunity involves learning a craft/trade so if it's a career, you'll be an apprentice. I see that this is something that you're going to enjoy. It's going to pique your curiosity and make you want to improve. You're not going to remain in this school or apprenticeship permanently. After taking this opportunity you'll fly to greater places where you'll study in greater detail and make a stable living out of it. I'm not sure if you'll pursue the same field as the apprenticeship though. What I see on the cards is neutral. Your greatest quality that helps you to excel in any fields is your genuine curiosity and dedication to your goals. You're studious and steadfast; intellectual and witty. When you're really interested in something you'll always excel at it.

Your mind is full of explosive emotions though, I think it's from your life and the problems you're going through. This might cause nightmares. There is a lot of anger, I feel someone tightly clenching their fist and jaw, feeling wronged, feeling like you're offered less than what is reasonable, feeling like you just want to raise the middle finger to the world and yell "f*ck you!" You must find a healthy outlet to release this anger because if you keep it burning in you it's going to hurt you. You might make rash decisions that doesn't serve you if you become imprisoned by this anger. Your heart might be filled with so much injustice that it drowns out your gratitude for good things, or make you see illusions like everyone is against you. Don't lose yourself. Retreat into your heart and remember each and every happy memory, and every person that loves you and has helped you. Remember the little things that make you feel alive; your fondest memories. You are loved. Despite everything, you are loved by those who love you.

And now, a message from H and a little gift from them:

You still have your fist tightly clenched as the day you were born.

Relax your grip.

Wash your eyes, smile anew.

Airplanes fly because they have fuel.

Now that you've got fuel in you, I wonder if you'd choose to land where you once fell.

It's okay to make mistakes as long as we learn.

We all fall. Growth is learning to give up the wrong things to pick up the right things.

It's not too late at all.

No planes are late here, you're running on the right time frame.

You should trust yourself more.

Pile 2

Cards: Nine of Cups (r),The High Priestess, Ten of Swords

A wreckage. Something that used to be flawless, whole and perfect now is scarred and broken by lies, misunderstandings and fragile ego. An argument. I will not pick sides as I see that both sides need to come clear and achieve a mutual understanding. I'm seeing the angrier person in this argument is allowing anger to blind their rationality. It doesn't matter in this reading whether they are right or wrong, it only matters that they are approaching this situation with an aggressive, unhelpful mindset. This person has a fragile, damaged ego, very arrogant about the version of truth they believe in. They think they were being lied to and cheated on. Their pride is hurt. They are filled with self pity and blind anger, lashing out at everyone they think wronged them. This person has allowed anger to make this situation appear more dramatic when actually it's something that needs to be approached with a clear head. I'm not getting any signs whether this person is you or the person you're dealing with, so I feel this will vary from person to person who choose this pile. Whether you are this person or not, you need to approach this situation with a rational mindset and not give in to emotions.

Your emotions are going to test you, this other person (if it's not you) is also going to test your limit to see up to what point you can tolerate their hurtful words. You have to stand your ground and defend your principles. You cannot let them get away with the hurtful things they say to you or the outrageous things they assume of you. If you think it will help, write a list of things you want to say to them but don't rehearse or memorise them. This is just to land you in a calm state and allow you to think about every point you want to make to this person.

You're not a saint either, for those who resonate with this particular message. You know that you've been hiding shady things under the counter. For a while you've been letting sadness, hesitation and a desire to sweep things under the rug to make your decisions for you. You hope that things are going to be good as long as you don't do anything. This has actually allowed suspicion to grow between you and your person. There is still so much more worth cultivating in this relationship, so many beautiful memories that get forgotten in the midst of anger and suspicion. Regardless what kind of future you'd like to pursue with this person, a heart-to-heart talk would lighten your burden. If you want to, and if they want to, you can sit down and finally be transparent with each other about what has been happening. Don't blame, don't point fingers, don't suppress emotions. Let it out in a healthy manner. Be brave enough to show vulnerability to each other. Speak your truth but do not say hurtful words. Do not leave regrets, they're much too heavy for two hearts still in love with each other. I'm not seeing a definite outcome in your future regarding this situation. The High Priestess usually appears with a mystery, signifying things that you're not supposed to know until you make a conscious decision.

The Ten of Swords carries no message but a question: if this situation you're experiencing is the ultimate worst, and you're not going to experience any worse than this, how are you going to try to climb back up?

And now, a message from H and a little gift from them:

Imagine a music box.

Dancer in it swing around and around, dancing to that sweet, nostalgic tune.

One day you found it broken, and the tune was damaged, piercing your ears.

It sings, you're a stranger to me.

And so you say, you're a stranger to me too.

What would you do?

Discard because you know it has run its course...

Or salvage its memories and try to forge anew?

Be true to yourself.

Pile 3

Cards: Ten of Cups (r), Nine of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Strength

A past vision of a happy family living a simple, abundant life now seems a distant dream. You just wanted a roof to live under, now even that is becoming a problem. First I see a parent (possibly mother) suffering from alcohol addiction, drinking day and night to forget about her husband who returns home no more. Old and new newspaper was the scent of the home. Next I see two friends since childhood playing together, making grass rings for each other and promising that they'd meet again when they're all grown up. This friendship is precious and nostalgic, however now that they've grown up, one of them is burdened with family issues. They have a drunk mother they are worried about, a heavy load of debt and they fear they're going to walk down the same path. It all seemed like just yesterday when they were playing on the field without any worries in the world, how did everything change so fast? Their father is a distant memory now, they can't even actively remember his face if they tried to, but that brought them a strange sense of comfort knowing that they no longer missed him or needed him.

I get a mild indicator that this person is you, however I also feel a sense of numbness, like you don't identify with it completely. The energy was very disjointed but vivid. Because of this, I use 3rd person pov instead of 2nd, as I feel inappropriate inserting you in a role that doesn't sit right. I'm curious if it resonates with you. This next paragraph read from the Nine of Pentacles card has your energy strongly, so I'll use 2nd ppov.

You are not without ambition though. You want to make a career in the fashion industry. You're very visual and have your own style. You like bright colors and are all about showcasing your boldness and eccentricity. You thrive in competition. You have quite a quick wit and sharp tongue, some might comment saying you're a smartass but you're never someone who'd care what the haters are saying. You bloom unapologetically and those who see how you glow can never forget how they wish they could be like you. You move fast in your life, you don't like to be stagnant and you are a bit restless when you settle down, always hoping for the next big thing to embark on. Your life might be slow and stagnant right now though and it's boring you so much. You make people feel breathless as they see you juggling different things all at once but you always seem to manage it beautifully. You are a rare combination of the Diva and the girl next door. People can't figure you out easily, not that you'd like them to. You're a bright butterfly at the edge of the forest; seen once, never again - like a miracle.

You have a natural charm. Not afraid to speak up, especially for your besties. Because of this you naturally become the leader in many groups you're in. Once in a blue moon when you feel comfortable enough with someone you'd let down your guard and show your motherly, nurturing side to the trusted few. Your strength and softness is so comforting. You are a fortress when your friends are hurt; a soft meadow when they need a listening ear.

Right now though, Pile 3, it seems you're facing financial problems. They have been in the background as a waiting threat for a while, but recently they've been creeping up on you. You're doing a small (side) business that involves handicraft. It lets you earn some quick bucks over time but you worry if it's going to be enough in the long run. Another reason why financial problems is prominent to you now is because you're planning something big (like a vacation, not purely for fun but for getting closer to a career opportunity) and you want to make sure that you have enough funds for the trip. I feel that a part of you has already surrendered to the belief that you're never going to make it. You might have also read some readings that confirmed this belief. Well, do you believe that this belief is stronger than your conviction? You've always been able to make what you want come true, how is this an exception?

The King of Pentacles advises you to stop overthinking about this situation. All that thinking is not going to serve you. You think this is facing reality? No it's not, it's called self defeat and you know you are better than that. Focus instead on the money you're earning. Know that each dollar you make no matter how insignificant it appears to be, it's taking you closer and closer to your goal. You're going to make it, not in the conventional way you planned. One thing would lead to another, maybe unexpected help would happen, maybe you get another option that would propel you closer to your goal than slowly making money could, maybe you'd get a free ride. Don't fixate on the "how". You're already there. And no I'm not speaking on this from the law of assumptions point of view, I never muddle readings with my own thoughts. I read this purely from the cards.

You keep biting your own hand though. You have several contradicting aspects of you. One side of you is nurturing and wants to provide yourself with love and understanding. Another aspect of you is the polar opposite, wanting to lash out and show the other self that kindness isn't all there is because it is often repayed with injustice. This aspect could stem from hurt childhood memories. Your nurturing self wins the battle almost all times. This tells me that you are a strong, nurturing and self aware person. You are not the other aspect, it is merely a sign of unhealed scars. You are truly lovely to read for, Pile 3. I hope you find the peace and happiness that you seek.

And now, a message from H and a little gift from them:

Your shadow aspect does not dictate who you are. At your core, you've shown repeatedly courage and determination. I admire that in you. All your battle scars - it takes one night to gather them softly on your palms; it also takes just one night to clear them all away, kissing them deeply and acknowledging your wounds, then brushing them away, this time wishing them well. You're more than just what you're made of. Believe me, you've yet to see all of yourselves.

This night is long. Don't wait to drown. If you want to do it, simply do it. Who's to say you're not allowed to, wild child?

Like a lilly in the wild, show them how fragility is the core to all beauty. I'll see you when your dreams become set in stone. Goodbye, and carry my blessings.

Pile 4

Cards: Ace of Pentacles (r), The Fool (r), Eight of Cups

I'm mainly sensing bored energy, like you have a lot of time on your hands but have nothing you find worthy to invest in. You're just biding time to see what happens. You're at a period of your life where you're seriously pondering what direction you want to pursue. You have several options but none that make you want to commit to. You are both practical and dreamy. You want a sustainable future but like to indulge in your imagination and ask the "what ifs". You're intellectual in a fun, curious, imaginative way. I think you'd do excellent in an environment that encourages you to explore and create.

It appears that you're faced with a dilemma of letting go of your past self. You have been in obstacles that shaped you into a new person, whether you've actively challenged your comfort zones or have been trying out new things to broaden your horizon. For some of you, this new thing may be a spiritual belief/lifestyle. You know that you're in the process of transformation and that you're taking a leap of faith towards creating the changes you want, bit you still find yourself reminiscing your old self like a nostalgic memory. The Fool in reversed advises you to not rush yourself in the process. Accept your emotions and release what you have to. Let your inner child know that despite this being challenging to you, you are always safe by being patient and understanding with yourself. You're being guided towards a new sunrise. Trust your steps. Your guides have much faith in you.

You might find that retreating into your sacred space may do wonders for healing your mind, body and spirit. For a while, distant yourself from social media and anything that doesn't provide you peace. Experience life minimalistically. Some of you have been wondering who you really are at your core. You'll be able to explore much about yourself by detaching from unnecessary things. Do inner work. Examine yourself from an inner point of view. Take trips, by this I mean visit places of nature where there are mountains and lakes and let yourself experience yourself as an extended part of mother earth. You've always belonged, you've never been an outsider. If you think yourself alien, perhaps it's time to get a diary to record your journey.

And now, a message from H and a little gift from them:

There was one friend I knew that had flowers as her eyes and antlers ash grey under the moonlight.

The forest admired her majesty, the woodland creatures crowned her Queen, but she saw not her beauty, and heard not her wisdom. Perhaps we all fail to see ourselves from time to time and require other - good natured ones I pray - to remind us all. But do you have your own people that would remind you when you fall to your own ignorance? If not, you will have to stand straight up and be your own eyes and supporting feet. The sunset heralds changes, be sure to not fall into pits of pride or lament the false things. You don't have immortality like my dear friend. You have a ticking watch on your hands that watch closely your every move. So make time, make wise, and make your journey one that you'd in the future think back to with a smile.

/// another message for another friend ///

Fair wanderer, if it is knowledge you seek, then pour yourself before the books and speak not in half learned truths. This should teach you material worth years to come. Don't fear time, for it is not too late. Don't let boredom eat you out from the inside, it's now time to create or let it fester as another “what if”.

#tarot #tarotblr #witchblr #pick a card #pick a pile #pac #tarot reading #divination #hopeless #help #advice #spiritual #spirit companion #thewingedmuse

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apoptoses · 6 months

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9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character + 16. Deepest darkest secret they won't even admit to themselves for Astarion AND Armand 🥹

oh wow 🥹

9. Scene that first made me love or hate the character

Armand: Lord when I was in high school reading TVL for the first time and got to Armand's scenes I couldn't stand him lmao I was like why is this guy harshing Lestat's good times, he's so desperate compared to the quiet theater weirdo in iwtv!! But then when I read queen of the damned I got the full picture of what kind of sadness lives inside him and I got it.

I think it's so easy to play off the stuff that happens in DM for laughs but if you step back you get this real sense of how disconnected and inhuman Armand has become over his lifetime. And his loving, gentle sadness when Daniel is dying made me truly love him. He's a mess but despite his experiences he still has a loving soul deep down.

Astarion: it was love at first sight with this freak lmao The first tiktok compilation of him being a smartass covered in blood had me. But like game-wise there's a scene very early on where he asks Tav if he had to be murdered, how would he like to go out, poison, strangulation, a knife? And in terms of what's going in the game it kind of makes sense to ask but he gets way too into it and the mask drops. And there he is, being a genuine freak letting his enthusiasm for murder out to some guy he just met.

Like who just says this to a stranger! A weirdo! I love him.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won't even admit to themselves

Sometimes, deep, deep down they both miss the stability and routine of their captivity.

I love Astarion and Armand because in a lot of ways they've had the same experience, just from opposite ends of the power structure. Armand was the cult leader commanding others to do terrible things (and doing some terrible things himself), Astarion was the thrall of a cruel master who loved to torture him. Both of them were captured and offered the impossible choice of taking those roles or dying, both of them gave up inside on any hopes of escape until something strange and cataclysmic happened in their lives.

But freedom to someone who spent centuries in a highly controlled environment can be smothering and feel even less safe than being captive. Because where do you go from there? How do you build a life when you can do literally anything with it now and no one is telling you what to do next, or there's no one to command and look after? Sometimes it would just be easier to not have choice.

(and technically even if Armand did leave the cult, he just fell back into the same leader role at the theater. He's not truly 'free' until we meet him again after Louis has left him and he's on his own for the first time in his existence)

For Armand we see him eventually build Trinity Gate and establish routine there but for Astarion there's no conclusion yet. I think now that the big 'quest' of the game is over he has the propensity to end up like Lestat, addicted to the thrill of finding trouble to get into. It would be centuries before he could even think of settling down.

It's also why I think they both thrive in D/s dynamics but that's like...another post entirely lol

#apoptoses answers

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coinofsilver · 6 months

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CHARACTER INFO SHEET .

name . harvey dent

name meaning . the name harvey means battle worthy or strong in battle ; a strong and determined person who is not afraid to stand up for what they believe in .

alias/es . harv, golden boy, pretty boy, gotham's white knight, gotham's hope, mr. crazy-eyes, two-face dent, [...]

ethnicity . caucasian .

one picture / icon you like the best of your character .

[img. 1] - harvey dent , happily holding a dolphin shaped balloon .

three headcanons you never told anyone .

> harvey dent is extremely critical of the city he grew up in but if any outsiders decide to share some criticism of their own , the DA can get quite defensive . despite everything , harv is very proud of where he's from and has a contagious hope in what gotham can become in the future ; that won't ever stop him from pointing a spotlight at the darkest shadiest corners of the city . he'll be damned if he'll let any of those big shot metropolis snobs speak ill of his home though . > he wears reading glasses . but because dent is a bit vain ( and already very self-aware when it comes to his mismatched eyes ) he'll avoid wearing them in certain social contexts , preferring instead to squint and struggle . only those who stick around long enough for harvey to build some mundane familiarity with ( and also who are invited to stay the night over enough times ) get to see harvey dent in the morning , wearing glasses while hunching over a newspaper and having a hot cup of coffee . > despite his fairness and sense of justice , harvey dent's break-ups were never peaceful affairs . rarely mutual , harvey has a hard time verbalising why so many of his relationships fail . the common denominator is harvey himself and , though it is not clear to him , he does not feel comfortable sharing himself completely with others . and , after a certain period of time , he becomes uncomfortable with the perspective of commitment . harvey dent usually is the one who takes the initiative of ending relationships , not because he does not wish to get hurt but because he's afraid that , if those he loves truly get to know him , they might get hurt .

three things your character likes doing in their free time .

> watching sports ; dent will shout at the tv and jump off his chair if he's passionate about the game , doesn't really matter if he has an audience or not . he genuinely enjoys all forms of competitive sport and doesn't really hold any loyalty to any of them specifically but rather has small spurts of intense interest which shifts every few months . he has currently become hyper-fixated in rugby . > going for a run ; harvey usually goes for a one hour jog every morning . it keeps him fit , it keeps him sharp but it also helps him avoid overthinking ( another hobby he practices religiously ) . a lot of times , dent might feel the need to go for an extra hour . a more observant person might deduce that he's literally running from his problems . > reading pulpy crime novels ; dent doesn't own that many fiction books but , the ones he does , are rarely a good read . harvey sees it as a guilty pleasure ( since he doesn't really talk about these books with anyone , like , ever ) but you'll find small soft back books , worn-out and yellow-paged , often with brightly illustrated covers hidden in the depths of his nightstand's drawer . there's something nostalgic about these reads .

people your character likes / loves.

> bruce wayne ; despite dent's tendency to dislike the rich and powerful , he genuinely enjoys wayne's company and believes the guy has hidden depths . he's still not quite sure why bruce is hiding his more serious and righteous side from the public since that is probably dent's favourite thing about the guy --- but he can empathise with the need of having a public and a private persona . actually he empathises with a lot of what gotham's prince has gone through ... it's kind of unexpected how much he has come to value the boy billionaire's friendship but this is one of the few people harv feels he can truly trust . > his mother ; the lady has passed a few years ago but harvey says he owes all of his good qualities to ms. dent . despite all the trauma both of them inherited from the horrible years spent living with his biological father , harvey feels as if his mom always carried herself with a lot of dignity . and , had it not been for her and he wouldn't have the strong sense of justice which has led him down this path . although harvey is perceived a man's man , he has a deep sensibility and empathy for those around him , both of which are gifts left by his late mother .

two things your character regrets.

> not killing his father not standing up to his father ; plenty of episodes of his childhood are plagued with regret . he stood by and witnessed a lot of fights and ugliness between his parents . though he was a child and though he has spoken about it during therapy , harvey is tortured by the thought that he didn't do more to protect his mother ( and himself ) . he eventually did become more confrontational --- earning himself twelve stitches across his skull and a permanently dilated pupil --- and both him and his mother left that situation ... but there's definitively regret there . > harvey once became engaged but got cold-feet a month before the wedding . vicki vale was a renowned journalist in gotham and he broke the whole thing off the only way he knew how : horribly . harvey regrets a lot of things he said during that phase of his life going to the extent of suggesting his better half had only gotten into a relationship with him in order to write an extensive biography on harvey . after they broke up they never spoke again...and vicki never wrote anything about harvey .

one phobia your character has.

> atychiphobia ; harvey has a deeply rooted fear of failure which even he might not be completely aware of . much of his anxiety and mood swings derive from his desperate desire to " save the city " . dent isn't kind to himself when it comes to delegating or taking breaks ... that allied with the corrupt environment he operates in which doesn't exactly help in relaxing generates a lot of emotional and psychological turmoil . harvey's biggest fear is of letting gotham down . of letting everyone down . his job is stretching him thin and , eventually , something must snap .

tagged by @flmed ( thank you friend this was pretty fun fhnjm ) tagging @dehrdevil , @loneheir , @toxisley , @ecopoison , @amygone , @absensia , @arcticrime , @4ger , god i feel like i'm missing a billion people but if you're reading this , please , do it

#* CH . STUDY .#* HEADCANON .#day 2003002039 of shaking my head disapprovingly at harvey #( thanks for tagging me xoxo )

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