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#never sometimes all the time
jfleamont · 2 months
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never, sometimes, all the time
a snippet from my upcoming uni/band au - 1701 words
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The kitchen is scarcely lit and there's a faint smell of burnt eggs. Someone cooked during the party, probably Marlene. Nevermind that this isn’t her flat; the boys don’t mind. They’ve known her for a couple of months, but they welcomed her with open arms, just like they did with Lily. They’re good, she thinks. These kids are good. They let her smoke inside the house tonight— well, James did. She only smokes every once in a while. Mostly when she’s nervous.
He's sitting across from her, one arm draped across the chair beside him, his head thrown back. His eyes are closed and his lips are slightly upturned; he looks content. Lily thinks he's smiling. 
No, he definitely is.
Maybe it's the alcohol in his system. Or the music, which is still playing, though at a much lower volume than before; the others are already in their rooms, passed out, so they don’t care. This is just for the two of them.
She doesn’t know why she hasn’t left.
“You didn't keep your word,” she tells him. He'd promised Sirius he wouldn't get drunk. They hadn't said why, and only exchanged what looked like a meaningful look that she couldn’t decipher. Not yet, at least.
He chuckles, his eyes still closed. “I've only had one drink. And I didn't know you paid so much attention to me.”
“Remind me not to do it again. Also, it was a Long Island Iced Tea. A strong one, from the looks of it.”
He shrugs. “The situation called for it.”
She leans forward on the table, lowering her voice just a little. “Is this about Peter?”
“No. Maybe. I don't know.”
She waits for him to continue. He does. “It's just that we were so close to being great.” A humourless laugh, “Maybe I'm kidding myself. We weren't close at all.”
She notes the perfectly relaxed line of his brows. Maybe it’s just because he’s tired, but there’s no hint of anger on his face. “You don't seem too bothered by this, though.”
“Oh, well, I'm doing okay now. It's not too bad, I suppose.”
Lily snorts, and knows that he isn’t lying. “Yeah?”
He opens his eyes - they’re tired and soft like she’s never seen them - and fixes them on her.
“Yeah.”
“Always the optimist, you.”
He mirrors her position, resting his chin on his palm. “I had a good night, that's all.”
“I don't think that's all.”
“You’re right, it's not,” he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. He laughs quietly, a hint of anxiety colours his voice.
“So? Tell me,” she prompts him.
He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and looks behind her for a moment. “I have a plan. Mind you, not a good one, but it's a plan. It's sort of insane and if I'm being honest, it’s probably the worst idea I've ever had.”
“Are we still talking about the band or…?” 
“I found a solution for next week's gig,” he announces grandly, smiling from ear to ear. The only thing that is missing is the jazz hands.
“You found a bassist? That was quick. Who is it?” 
“You.”
She blinks. Several times. James’ smile has faded a little, and his expression looks careful.
“You've got to be joking.”
“Told you it was a crazy idea.”
Lily doesn’t want to think about the implications of this. Being friends with the people Severus couldn’t stand was one thing, but actually performing with them? That couldn’t happen. It’s not like she cares about him anymore. No, that’s not it. Maybe a part of her misses him still, and she used to be a people pleaser when she was around him, but this has nothing to do with that. It’s the fact that she has been questioning every single decision she has made ever since she left Severus behind. With him, it felt right… until it didn’t. Who’s to say that this won’t happen again? She doesn’t trust herself anymore, and this is brand new territory.
“You want me to join your band. You?”
James sits up straighter and gives her a funny look. “Why do you sound so surprised? You're brilliant.”
“But… I can't.”
“You can't or you won't?”
“Can't! How am I supposed to learn your entire setlist by next week?” she exclaims. She doesn’t mean to raise her voice, but she can’t help it. The more she thinks about this, the less confident she feels.
“Actually it would be better by Wednesday.”
He doesn’t look apologetic at all. Strange, since he was so worried about asking her a minute ago. Either he’s mad - and this is a very real possibility - or he just believes she can do it, which, really, is another form of insanity. 
She tells him so. “You're not right in the head.”
“Evans—”
“I've got two papers to submit by the end of next week! There's no way I can play with you,” she says in a whispered shout, and now she’s the one with her hands in her hair.
He’s grinning. “But you want to.”
She suppresses a smile at his bravado, but he’s right. “I want to help you. But I can't.”
He leans in conspiratorially, and his enthusiasm almost wins her over. Almost. “Come on, it would be fun! And it's just a one time thing, okay? Or at least until we find a new bassist.” 
“Can't believe you're asking me this.”
“Please?”
He’s not pouting, but he might as well be, and Lily can’t deny it: she’s thought about this exact scenario. She’s seen them on stage, she knows how good they are: they’re miles better than everyone else in their local music scene, really, and Lily can’t help but wonder if she’ll feel out of place up there. She loves performing, but being in a band with Severus showed her how awful it feels to be overshadowed by someone else, and she doesn’t want a repeat of that.
“… Can I think about it?”
James’ eyes light up. “Is this a yes?”
“It’s a question.”
“Of course you can think about it! Take a couple of days,” he waves a hand around and sits back in his chair, looking triumphant. Lily smiles; she’s about to burst his bubble. 
“Hmm,” she rubs her chin contemplatively, “What do I get in return, though?”
He furrows his brows, not expecting her question. “Oh… We're not getting paid for this gig, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I know, Potter,” she deadpans, rolling her eyes, but there’s no real annoyance in her tone. “I've performed there too. I'm talking about something else.”
The side of his mouth quirks up. Cheeky boy. “Anything in particular?”
“I'll let you know. After the gig,” she adds nonchalantly.
“What if I refuse?”
“These are my terms. Take it or leave it.”
James is thinking hard, by the looks of it. She doesn’t know what kind of favour she’ll ask him, but simply knowing that she has the upper hand in this situation makes her euphoric. He knows he’s signing away his soul if he agrees. She still hasn’t decided if she’s going to mess with him or not. Perhaps she’ll be nice about it.
“Fuck it. It's a deal,” he extends an arm to shake her hand and she’s about to do the same when a thought occurs.
“Hang on, did you say this was the worst idea you’ve ever had? What the fuck?”
“Shot myself in the foot, haven’t I?”
“I’m giving you one chance to recover from this. One.”
“Fuck,” he covers his face with his hands, and she thinks he’s blushing a little but she isn’t sure. “Remus is much better at this. He was supposed to broach the subject but he refused to, thinks I’m mental.”
She drops her smile and freezes. “Is he even okay with this? And Sirius?”
“Don’t worry, they both think you’re great. Sirius says you’re the female Flea.”
She beams at the compliment and relaxes into the seat. “Do you agree?”
His eyes roam around her face and Lily feels warm all over. It only lasts a moment, and then he’s smirking again. “You’re easier on the eyes, so…”
Right. He’s just messing with her. 
“Twat,” she responds, and kicks his chair.
His gaze softens. “But to me you’re more Macca than Flea,” James continues, tilting his head to the side as he studies her once again.
“He was fit when he was younger, not going to lie,” she deflects, because she knows she’s talented - she does! - but she feels the impostor syndrome kick in any time she is compared to another great bassist‒ she has a list; Paul McCartney is at the top. Wait, is James aware of this? She hopes not.
He laughs and nods vigorously. “Especially in the late ‘60s with that beard.”
“Shame he never grew it out again after that,” she sighs, and feels the tension dissipate.
James raises an eyebrow. “Wanna watch the Get Back documentary?”
She’s pretty sure he’s joking, but the last time she saw it she cried, and she doesn’t have the strength to hold back the tears in front of him. Besides, her eyelids feel so heavy that she would probably fall asleep ten minutes in, and she’d rather sleep in a bed tonight. “As much as I’d love to, you’re dead on your feet and I’m not doing much better so… I’d better walk home.”
James sits up straight, suddenly very alert. “No.”
“What do you mean no?”
He gets up from the chair and grabs the remote. “I don’t want to walk in the cold and neither do you,” he says with his back to her as he turns off the music, “so just do me a favour and use my bed.”
She can’t possibly sleep on James Potter’s bed. “You don’t have to—”
“It’s not up for debate,” his tone is resolute but he’s wagging his finger at her, which makes him look kind of ridiculous. “The sheets are clean, changed them this morning.”
“I can’t let you—”
“I’ll take the sofa, goodnight.”
And with that he walks to the bathroom and closes the door.
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When someone really cool that I’ve followed for a while follows me back I feel like I have to be more normal with my posting habits for a bit because I don’t want to scare them away, as if they were a nervous horse who might run away if I move too suddenly. But eventually I realize that it’s impossible for me to be normal forever so I just go back to being weird regular annoying me and cross my fingers that they stay
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 days
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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blueskittlesart · 1 month
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wait holy shit the coliseum au turns 4 today
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atalana · 8 months
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so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with
but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."
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undertheredhood · 9 months
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jason todd is much like a typical dad in the sense he will share something extremely outrageous that had happened to him/he did out of nowhere and will never speak of it ever again no matter how many times he’s asked to elaborate.
#batman#jason todd#jason peter todd#jason wayne#jason peter todd wayne#jason todd wayne#the rest of the batfam: what do you mean you digged yourself out of your grave?#do you think they know about his birth mom selling him out to the joker?#jason todd was never the angry robin#most of the time it happens by accident but sometimes jason will say something just to stir the pot#jason todd is the biggest instigator alive and i stand by it#batfamily#batfam#batfamily shenanigans#just wait until they find out he’s dated slade wilson’s daughter because i think dck especially would be appalled by that one#dick grayson is so done#jason todd is one a one-man mission to stress everyone out#i don’t think they know about the all-caste either or about jason’s magic swords either#the rest of the batfam: what do you mean you have up your most treasured memory?#everything i learn about this man is wild#they call up zatanna or constatine for help one time and they’re like “’why don’t you ask hood for help?’ and the batfam collectively goes 🤯#jason is the main reason why bruce has so much gray hair#jason goes from being this normal kid to being super overpowered within the span of 3-5 years and i love that for him#jason is the family cryptid#jason will share something about his past thinking nothing of it while everyone who’s listening to him talk is staring at him in horror#i don’t think anyone knows that jason has gone to heaven when he died#though jason’s memory isn’t quite reliable until he’s dunked in a lazarus pit#jason todd shenanigans#jason was never the angry robin
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404-art-found · 1 month
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guardian of the masquerade
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xxrat--punkxx · 1 year
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In light of uh... Recent trigun events on twitter, here's a tihylttw and trigun crossover
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 month
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do you think rose, in the moment she was the bad wolf and knew it all, even to the point where she would lose her doctor and there was nothing she could do to stop it, that he would be alone so long and so many times after her—do you think that in the course of scattering her breadcrumb trail to herself that she reached forward as well? did she find the doctor’s darkest moments and leave a hint of herself where he might see her? if she cannot save him forever, then she can at least say ‘i was here, i see you, you will be safe again one day if by your own hand instead of mine’? condemned never to intervene, like all absent gods, but sometimes all you pray for is a sign to keep going and she can give the doctor that.
if s1 of torchwood means anything, then she did for Jack. graffiti on the streets, the only way to promise she didn’t forget him, she loves him still, she will love him back to life for the rest of time. so who’s to say the doctor doesn’t get messages, too, when he needs them?
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naturecalls111 · 7 months
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Me, consuming any other media ever: how can I make this about zosan
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jfleamont · 3 months
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never, sometimes, all the time
a moodboard and a playlist for my unwritten upcoming jily uni/band AU fic
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franklyimissparis · 3 months
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what do you mean ‘what happened in india between john and paul?’ THIS is what happened in india between john and paul
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hualianisms · 5 months
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on twitter here and here, forayuarchive has been talking about how LLH & FDB really act like an old married couple, and i couldn't stop thinking about it too. as a native chinese speaker, the level of informality, familiarity and bickering, in how FDB and LLH speak to one another (especially in the later episodes) are reminiscent of how bickering old married chinese couples are often depicted.
when FDB is angry/upset at LLH, he calls him "死莲花" - "Damn Lotus/Damn Lianhua". the way FDB says it is in a manner where you might imagine old spouses scolding one another when nagging/bickering (to clarify, it's not romantic per se, but it's extremely informal & familiar).
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for example, in ep 35, FDB calls him Damn Lotus in the note he left LLH when he went to look for the styx flower. CN fanghua fans on weibo managed to painstakingly transcribe the note (see forayuarchive's tweet about it here with the eng translation) - it's extremely informal and reads like a short note a spouse/partner would write when leaving their shared home in a hurry.
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i also still can't believe LLH calls FDB "xiaobao", it speaks for itself. 小宝 Xiao Bao (literal meaning is "little treasure") is usually something you call literal babies/children AND is FDB's family nickname for him so if you're calling a grown man that in front of his parents and his colleagues and strangers and literally everyone, then he's either your biological family or he's your bf/partner. (it's a level of intimacy that would make me feel embarrassed as a third party hearing LLH call FDB that in front of everyone😭)
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and not to mention the deleted line of FDB calling a sick/unconscious LLH "xiaohua'er". (see video & meta of the deleted line by forayuarchive here, translation of the deleted line by ttiesanjiao here). xiaohua'er is so intimate, definitely something one might call a lover 😭
(*for more name meta, see forayuarchive's twitter thread meta about all the names that FDB and LLH call one another, and in what situations each particular name is used)
in any case these are NOT what a disciple calls his shifu or a son calls his dad. these nicknames are far too informal and familiar - no son talks to his father like that and no disciple talks to his shifu like that. (now, an angry spouse however...)
(there's also the fact that FDB explicitly rejects their relationship as being anything other than that between 2 adult equals - when LLH jokes that FDB should bow to him as disciple, FDB immediately rejects the idea, saying that he was only joking about wanting to be LLH's disciple, that FDB is too old now. he firmly sees himself as an adult equal to LLH.)
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tl;dr within months of knowing each other, LLH & FDB act as familiar as an old couple 10 years married, skipping the entire courtship stage 😭
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summoningspark · 3 months
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so i may or may not have printed out the entirety of @anonymousalchemist's amazing fic like a bird, like a stone onto three Very Large pieces of paper.
you might be asking, why, fay? why did you print out an entire 53k fic for a video game you've never played? well you see, if you read it, you would understand.
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phoenixcatch7 · 6 months
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Man, I want shapeshifter cap SO BAD.
I want to see a Billy that really leans into the wonder of the world, the million paths a child could take in their life.
I want to see a Billy that wants to try everything, at least once.
A Billy that looks at all the people who spit at him, deride him, pity him, dismiss him, ignore him, because he has no future, no prospects, a child in the gutter and say no. I'm going to grow up to be whoever I want to be.
And a captain marvel that says you're going to be amazing.
Billy taking the premise of captain marvels form - his ideal self, a blank slate for Billy to paint his bright colours, the person he wants to be deep inside - and dialling that freedom up to eleven.
A dancer, a dinosaur, a train conductor, a tiger, an ice cream maker, a butterfly, an astronaut, a shark, a college student, a Tamaranean, a mouse, a scuba diver, an elephant, a doctor, a moose, a race car driver, a dog.
A child wanting to see the world.
If you want to find captain marvel, well first you've got to try his comm, probably a couple times.
Then you've got to go to fawcett, hope he's there and not saving the yetis from a salamander invasion in a different dimension.
You've got to ask around, because it often goes by word of mouth here, no matter what technology you bring. Don't worry, it'll spread very quickly, but if you're in a hurry you can find his commemorative statue and leave an offering. No one knows if it really works, but it's a good way to pass the time and feel productive.
Soon, a face will peel out of the crowd. It's always familiar, but it's never the same one.
Wait for the flash of lightning in a cloudless sky.
And then you will find captain marvel.
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#cats#outing myself once again as someone whos not attune whatsoever to human culture but - in all honesty I do not know#what 'psspsspss' means despite loving cats my entire life hghj.. I've just seen people online describe that as how you call a cat#but I have never in my life witnessed someone call a cat by making that noise or made that noise myself. I can't even think of an example o#it so I genuinely don't even know what that's supposed to be but. Included because I've seen it so much it must be something to someone#even when I was a kid I pretty much always just meowed to cats and tried to sound exactly like them or whatever meow I associated with them#obviously not literally saying “ME OW” but doing an actual cat meow. often times a kind of 'prrrow' sort of noise where you trill your tong#ue then lead into a softer vocal tone .. maybe like 'mrrrrauh' or something? Or sometimes just a trilling chirp immitating the#cat's ''mrrrrp'' they do sometimes. I used to mimic small kittens to get the attention of cats#with their like very high pitches squeky whine with a little bit of air out the nostrils at the end to imitate the sound of them having#tiny lungs that don't hold much air so with a long loud 'mew' it's sometimes a little strained near the end#Though usually I just imitate the cat that I'm around at the time. Sometimes I have done kind of a combination kissy lip sort of noise#tongue clicking. almost like tapping on the back of your front teeth with your tongue and sucking in. almost makes kind of a squirrel noise#ANYWAY... curiouse....
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