#need to process
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spoiler under the cut idk this is the only thing i can currently slightly articulate
there's really nothing satisfying about killing off a character whose whole arc was about escaping death and dealing with trauma in one timeline and navigating depression and suicide in another. it's supposed to be sad whatever but.....i don't know. thinking about how sad it's going to be to see nat in the teen timeline knowing that her life never really Gets Better
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Just finished S4 volume 1.
What the fuck.
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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LOOK I JUST REALLY ENJOY THEIR FRIENDSHIP OK?? You can't tell me they wouldn't hang after their respective personal quests (spawn ending ofc)/emotional breakdowns over their own mortality
EDIT: I forgot to watermark these so now more than ever PLEASE don't repost
#baldurs gate 3#astarion#astarion ancunin#karlach#bg3#Karlach 'I could kiss his pointy little face' cliffgate#karlach cliffgate#karlach bg3#bg3 fanart#my art#I discovered CSP is a lot better than PS for animating#consistent artsyle? I don't know her#I just like their vibes#they seem like they'd be there for each other#maybe karlach just wanted someone to talk at her about absolute nonsense while she processes her own mortality bc that girl needs some help#I JUST REALLY LIKE THESE TWO
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oh my god, laios
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goddamnb!!
chill out man!!!
#zuko#zuko atla#atla#avatar the last airbender#the blue spirit#i cant tell if i loved or hated the process of this drawing#pike art#also i loveddd all the blue spirit stuff literally so awsome#need to draw blue spirit stuff more often#edited because i realized it was slightly off center and that made me so upset to look at
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getting real fed up with my peers treating teenagers like shit. how did you forget so fucking quickly what it's like to be them. shame on you.
#this is about people my age getting into internet discourse with teenagers#and calling them stupid and overall belittling them and being a jerk to them#like. literally just block them if they are being a shithead#teenagers are shitheads sometimes#youre not going to change them#they need to grow up on their own#and an adult making fun of them isnt going to help#in fact it is going to hinder the process#if you want to try to help you need to be kind#if theyre not receptive to that and are still being an asshole then it is not worth it#and you need to go do something else with your time#you are a fucking adult
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A dog collar laced with diamonds
A puppet realizes her worth
And a found family’s dearth
When her voice finally severs their strings
But it’s too late
She’s already linked their fates
She’s already locked behind their gate
And the key that invited her inside
Was forged to their tastes
Too gentle, too kind
To understand when it’s time
to draw the boundary line
#poetry#spilled poetry#spilled ink#need to process#what comes next#spilled poem#feeling lost#feeling trapped
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People talk about how “overpowered” and freaky some of the physical feats in PJO and HOO are but I think people forget that all demigods inherently have enhanced, speed, agility, and strength. So at lot of these physical feats actually make a lot of sense in their “power scaling.”
And I know a lot of people like talk about the Lois Arc jump because that is insane but there are a lot of other feats that show off the enhanced attributes some of the other demigods have.
Like, Hazel ran after a Arion, the fastest horse alive for a WHOLE day. Hours upon hours on end. And even if Arion WASN’T the fastest horse he’s still. A horse. That Hazel was able to keep up with. And then run all the way home.
Reyna EASILY knocks away giant werewolves with a knife and used her javelin like a pole vault. Annabeth managed to fight Kronos, a whole ass Titan, to a standstill. And she’s been shown to perform moves only professional acrobatic and gymnast can do. Piper threw a fifty pound shield at Medea and was described to move fast as a viper.
Jason had dodged arrows that have appeared out of no where, no warning, and Percy has side stepped bullets. BULLETS.
Not to mention that with the Lycaon and werewolves they were all out running and keeping up with WOLVES.
So, yeah, demigods have freaky physical feats.
#I honestly wished we talked abt this more#cause they really be getting it down#I wanted to add more form the og series but I’d need to reread#cause I actually don’t remember a lot of the feats like that#and I read HOO and all the later series much later and was able to process it better#but yeah they be outrunning bullets and running after wolves like it’s a regular Tuesday#it’s not#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo tv show#heroes of olympus#pjo#percy jackson#annabeth chase#jason grace#hazel levesque#nico di angelo#piper mclean
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First art of the new year is all about re-structuring your internal monologue.
In my early 20s I was working full time in London with many social commitments and a variety of hustles and side projects.
In my later mid 20s I cater to many sensory and social drain needs I have and indulge in special interests while respecting my lower energy reserves and celebrating my different way of processing the world.
Did I get more autistic? Nah. I got less fake.
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[Art description: Three panels showing figures on a black background. Long descriptions follow.
1. A drawing of OP as a person with hip-length hair and a dress standing sadly with her hands clapsed together in front of her. She is coloured a muted rainbow gradient. Behind her, two pairs of nondescript figures chat while smiling. White text says, ‘I’m getting more and more autistic the older I get.’ 2. OP’s colours are brighter, and her expression looks happier. Crayon-like scribbles have crossed out the text from the previous panel. 3. OP’s colours are vibrant, and she balances on one leg and throws her arms out as she dances. The text above has changed to say, ‘I’m becoming more and more myself the older I get.’ \End descriptions]
#urchin art#autism#autistic#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#actually autistic#autistic things#autistic adult#autistic artist#autistic community#listen- the process of unmasking every fiber of your fabricated being is difficult#figuring out who you are behind the mask is scary#but continuing to act in a play where only you got no script is officially cringe#(this is me waxing poetic I am very aware of the safety needs of masking but that's not the point)#the point is ask yourself#are you getting MORE xyz?#Or are you becoming MORE of you?
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3rd ko-fi request: deku and bakugo having some fun after the war :-) i think they should be hospital roommates and i think they should cling to each other for a while 🤠👍 which is why deku rests more on bakugo's bed than his own ummm nurse!!!!
#this was sm fun#me when im scared and need to hold somebody's hand but thazs so embarassjng omg what if we thumb wrestled <- this is a subconcious process#they would not think that far they just do it instinctually#bnha#midoriya izuku#bakugo katsuki#deku
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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something something giant isopod sharing is caring pass the detritus
inprnt
#giant isopod#marine biology#artists on tumblr#inprnt#I tried coming up with a pun but nothing popped up#cackLES#there's also another print up on inprnt that I'm waiting to post when I have other stuff settled 👀#technically inprnt is getting to see stuff a little earlier haha#also been noticing how my process has changed haha it's interesting#like I'll spend waaaaaay more time now nitpicking/adjusting colors which is fine#but like before when I was still in old process mindset I'd get frustrated and think the colors weren't coming out right#when what I needed was to spend more time figuring it out
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But it's too late now, isn't it? Some things, when honked, can never be unhonked. Everything goes dark, and you're pied.
#slay the princess#chapter 2#the clown#finished art from yesterday's livestream!#NOT the pristine cut#we wanted to show abby's drawing process for backgrounds and sprites and needed to come up with something new
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i always feel sooooooooioooio happy while also
completely emotionally destroyed whenever last years’ movies make a comeback with awards season :,)<3
#eeaao cast#my little heaaart#i wish them all the best#they have done so much for intergenerational relationships i’ve been waiting for this one#need to process
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Feeling real ridiculous for not having realized that Baron's "stark father" was the Nightmare King until now
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#also#love cassandra's gender situation going on here tbh#hell of an episode. i am totally normal about it (they are in fact. not normal about it at all.)#am willing to explain my thought process here if need be#there is a slight temptation to write something about the possible relation between cassandra and baron now though#did cassandra know that was where baron was like she could always summon kalina?#the creator and creation (the thing you made at your worst)#father and son (you can barely sustain yourself. let alone others)#you were once a god and then you weren't and you made this being and now you are a god again and it still exists#hmmmm#hm!#things to think. thoughts to ponder.#sorry i keep adding tags. i keep having Thoughts
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