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skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru · 3 years

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SFW ALPHABET A-Z

Gojo Satoru Edition 💙

note: I just want to thank everyone for making this blog hit 500+ followers. Never in my wildest dreams would have thought to have a writing blog and a one that is so supported and loved. I love everyone single of my followers and readers who took the time to read my content. English isn’t my first language so I struggle a lot when writing since I make a lot of typos and I barely have any writing skills. Even though I reread it to check I still manage to find some typos so I’m constantly editing, even my old posts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how happy each comment or reblogs makes me, I love reading what you guys think. I will continue to work hard for you guys and the jkk community! Please look forward to future updates my lovelies! ❤

A= Admiration (How do they admire you? What is their thoughts about you? What is their reaction in meeting you for the first time? Do they instantly like you?)

Gojou loves staring at you and he's not afraid if he gets caught.

Even if you're doing chores or you're laughing with the first years. You could of just woken up with messy hair, drool dried on the corner of your mouth and he'll still think you're the most beautiful person in the world.

When he stares at you it's as if the world slows down and everyone goes in slow motion. He'll notice the twinkle in your eyes or how you suddenly shifted to your right. As he's in a trace where his hearts flutters at the sight of you.

His Six Eyes will notice even the tiniest detail about you.

Even in a crowded room his eyes will immediately try to find your form. You're the first person he seeks whenever and wherever.

He likes to boast about you to everyone, especially his students. You're his lover and he's proud to have you.

To him, you're his equal, his safe haven. You're the only person he can truly let his guard down with. You love him not because "he's the strongest shaman" but just as "Satoru" and that's something he thinks about that makes him feel all warm inside.

You're his everything, he wouldn't know what would he do if he ever loses you. If Gojou truly loves you he will fully commit to it.

You and Gojou didn't exactly start off on the right foot.

You thought he was too arrogant and annoying.

While he thought you were weak and boring.

You quickly proved that wrong, and his perception of you changed. He would often tease you and find opportunities to spar with you.

You slowly started to grow on each other from rivals to lovers.

He's still annoying though.

B= Bestie (Do they act like best friends while dating? How comfortable are they with you?)

Why absolutely! You guys are lovers at the same time bestfriends.

Gojou is very comfortable around you. He's pretty confident man already but when he's around you there's no breaks for this man.

He will do the wackiest and craziest things just see you laugh and smile.

You both tell each other everything, such as recent turn of events or even student gossip. He loves to gossip.

You can expect him to wake you up at 2 am just to go to McDonald's while blasting music from the car while you both sing on top of your lungs.

Of course there will be moments where both have arguments or disagreements but they don't last long. They get solved pretty easily.

"Wanna get icecream?"

"Fine, but you're playing."

Gojou can be quite obnoxious at times and you're not afraid to let him know. He doesn't listen and still annoy you anyways.

But now you should be used to his antics and don't take them too seriously.

There is no such thing as a boundary for this man.

He can literally become your safe haven during sad times or hell as he tickles you until you cry.

C= Cuddles (How often do they cuddle? How are they when they cuddle? What cuddle position do they like best? Are they the Big Spoon or Little Spoon?)

If he could, Gojou would always want to be cuddling with you. Whenever and wherever you both are.

He loves the feeling of having you in his arms or him in your arms. His home is where your arms are. It's one of the moments where his Infinity isn't activated.

He wrap his long limps around you and bring you as physically close as possible so he can nuzzle against you or press kisses to you.

Whenever he's in a cuddling mood or he's feeling stressed he'll come to find you and pull you to the nearest chair. He'll have you sit in his lap while he embraces you tightly. He won't go until he's satisfied too!

He usually prefers to be the bigger spoon, he likes the idea that you're safe within his arms. Sometimes he'll just stare at you while you sleep, smiling to himself as he drifts off to sleep.

If you're both in bed you must cuddle! It's a rule he made up.

He doesn't being the little spoon either, he loves the feeling of when you playing with hair. He truly feels comfortable and vulnerable within your arms.

He can't decide with position he likes best, he just likes the feeling of your body close to his.

D= Domestic (Are they willing to settle down with you? Are they willing to do chores? What do you two do at home?)

Gojou never thought he would settle down. That is until he met you!

With his busy and dangerous lifestyle, he thought he would spend the rest of his days alone.

Being with him, is a huge risk. The higher ups or the enemies would use you as a bargaining chip.

After lots of convincing, that you'll promise to be by his side forever. You'll have his heart now and forever.

Gojou when he's at home...he's lazy. He'll be munching on some snacks, lying on the sofa while you hang the laundry.

Somedays he's tired from work, so you let him be but if he really isn't doing anything. Some threats work really well on him.

"If you don't don't do the laundry, you're sleeping on the sofa tonight!"

"Then I'm off to do it!"

Having growing up with servants, he's not used to doing household chores.

But he will try, because he doesn't want you take take on the full workload. Teach him, he's a fast learner!

At home, within your arms is where he feels safest. Majority of the time you two would be in contact with each other one way or another.

You're watching tv? He's sitting you with his arm around your shoulder. If you're cooking, he'll come and unexpectedly hug you from behind. This man craves your touch.

Watching movies or television is something you both do very often, you'll both be snuggled up together, while Gojou throws commentary here and there.

Cooking or baking is another thing you both do. Majority of the time you both rarely get to spend together due to Gojou's work schedule. Who ever arrives home first will have to make dinner. However, you two are both at home you both help each other make a delicious dessert or meal. Nothing like eating a home cooked meal together.

Playing video games together is a must! You're his player number 2. He's very competitive so if he wins, it's non stop boasting but if he loses he demands an immediate rematch. Mario Kart or Super Smash Brothers is some the common ones you both play.

E= Endeavor (Are they supportive in you trying to do something? Will they help you reach for it?)

Gojou Satoru is known to be your literal hype man.

He will be very supportive of you and what you're trying to accomplish. As long as it's not something like becoming a murder. He's gonna have to do a double take on that.

If you're gonna become a piano, he'll have a grand piano delivered straight to your home. If you're gonna become an artist, he will buy you the best art supplies.

As they say "live your life to the fullest" and Gojou completely agrees with that statement.

If you're trying to learn something new, he will be encouraging you. There are times where he can be a little but don't take it to heart. He just wants you to improve and sugarcoating things isn't always the best way to improve.

If you're feeling down but you're trying to achieve, he'll be there to comfort you and motivate you.

"Things won't always go your way, but I promise I'll be there to cheer you on."

If you're trying to learn a new skill, he might have a go at it too. He's a fast learner but if he doesn't or can't do something, he'll just blame it on the fact that if he does it then he's gonna become perfect so he chooses not to. It's just to save his huge ego.

F= Fights (How often do you guys fight? Who apologizes first? How long will the fight last? What is the reason behind the fight?)

You guys argue pretty often but they're mostly about trival issues. Like Gojou forgot to take out the trash or who cooks today.

If you both do fight seriously. It would definitely have to do with "work". Because of Gojou's busy schedule you're not sure when will he be back home or when he will be gone. If you both have very different schedules it would definitely lead to some misunderstandings.

If you realize you did something wrong you'll apologize to him right away. While he spouts things like "I told you so!" but he's only teasing.

If he realizes he did something wrong it'll take him a while for him to admit it. Depending on the seriousness of the situation his apology will differ.

If it's something trivial, he'll just pepper you with kisses while says sorry a hundred times.

If it's serious, he'll fully embrace you and apologize, straight to the point no needless words.

Trivial fights don't last long but serious one may take time. Depending on who's wrong or right.

Gojou is a stubborn person so even if he's wrong it'll take him a while to admit it. Maybe days or a week but no longer than that. After all he can't resist not being around you.

G= Guard (Are they protective of you? How protective are they? Are they willing to risk themselves to save you?)

This depends whether you're a shaman or a civilian.

If you are a civilian, he will be very protective of you. You don't have the ability to see curses so who knows what or when can hurt you.

He'll take sure to put lots of talismans and barriers around your home for safety.

Gojou due to his busy work schedule won't always be home or be around you. During these days he's worried sick about you.

He'll be sure to message or call you whenever he can to check up on you.

If he truly senses you're in danger, no matter what he'll go to you instantly. After that happens he'll more frightened of losing you and might resort to leaving you.

Despite how much he loves you, you're life is more precious than him. He can't risk that by being around you.

If you're a shaman just like him, he won't be as protective over you. He'll understand and trust that you'll be able to defend yourself.

He'll make sure to spar with you so that you won't lose in touch in fighting.

Even though he knows you can take care of yourself, in his heart he still worries for you. So he may or may not pop up randomly during your missions and exorcise the curse immediately.

You may end up getting annoyed or mad at him because you may think he thinks you're weak but that's not the case. He just loves you and worries about you.

Whether you're a civilian or shaman, Gojou will 100% risk his life to save you. He's lost so many people, he can't afford lose you too.

If you're out in public, he'll be sure to be holding your hand or have an arm around your waist. He'll glare at anyone who looks at you funny through his sunglasses.

Gojou has a massive presence so good luck to anyone who tries to approach you. They gotta get through him first.

H= Healing (What is their reaction in you getting hurt? Do they get hurt often? Do they help you patching you up? Or do they not know how to patch you up, and tries their hardest?)

Gojou hates seeing you hurt in anyway. Even if it's a tiny wound. It's kinda like if you're hurt he's hurt too. That's his way of thinking.

If you get injured during a mission, you can bet Gojou will be all over you.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"For the hundred time, yes..."

Despite your assurance that are fine, he'll still insist to take you to Shoko just to be safe.

If it's a trivial wound like you accidentally cut yourself or you stubbed your toe. Gojou will be the one to take care of the wound. He does have basic knowledge on how to treat wounds.

If it's a severe wound, he'll instantly bring you to Shoko. He'll teleport all the way from Hokkaido to Tokyo if he has to.

He doesn't know how to use the Reverse Cursed Technique but at the moment when you're dying in his arms he will try his best to.

He will literally become your human shield if he knows things are dire.

If he sees an enemy wound you, well it's gonna be game over for the enemy. Instant oblivion.

It is known that Gojou has his Infinity activated at all times, so he doesn't ever get hurt whether from missions or trivial issues.

Very rare but when he does turn off his Infinity he can get hurt but it's because he let's it happen.

He still gets sick from time to time because that's something his Infinity can't protect him from.

I= Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do you two often go on dates?)

Gojou as we all know is very affectionate and romantic person.

He's very cheesy and likes to tease you just to see you blush.

He can't keep his hands off of you, he has to be touching you even just by lacing your fingers together. He also likes to stand near you often behind you or right beside you.

Gojou goes all over Japan for his missions and he makes sure to always bring a souvenir home for you whether it's a little trinket or something you'll like. Definitely will buy sweets, he'll share just a little though.

You'll often be surprised with deliveries of bouquets at work addressed to you but not written from who but you know who it is.

This man is extremely rich, so you ever have an eye on something, he'll secretly buy it for you.

When you're cold, he'll give you his jacket or hug you to keep you warm. If you're feeling hot under the sun, use this man as your personal shade. He doesn't mind.

It's rare for the both of you to have day offs at the same time so it's always something special to him.

He'll either take you out shopping or a cafe date.

He loves going around Tokyo with you to different places and secretly takes pictures of you when you're not looking.

If you don't feel like going anywhere he's fine with just cuddling you while watching a movie.

Gojou just has a sense for you if you're feeling down or stressed. He'll instantly know and would try to make you feel better.

He can cook your favorite meal or even give you a massage.

He's not shy to show the world how much he loves you, everyone in the Jujutsu society knows about you two.

J= Jealousy (How often do they get jealous? Do they get easily jealous? How will they react?)

Gojou doesn't get jealous easily. He trusts you and knows the things you do and won't do. However, on rare occasions it does happen but he won't directly voice it out.

"I'm the strongest most handsome shaman ever!" But behind that he still has insecurities. It usually depends on the person you're interacting with. If he sees you getting a little too close to someone, he'll step inーcausally stepping in between the two of you. A hand around your waist around strangers and a full on back hug around people he knows.

If a stranger tries to pick you up, he'll swoop right in towering the poor stranger. He knows he's attractive and he knows show to use it.

"Pay attention to me (Y/N), not Nanami!.

"Satoru, we're talking the recent sighting of a grade 1 cursed spirit."

Afterwards he'll just be very whiny and needy, he wants your full attention on him and him only!

K= Kissing (Do they like kissing you? Are they shy or confident in kissing you?)

Gojou Satoru loves all forms of affection. Kissing being one of them.

Gojou has had experience with kissing so he knows what he's doing. One moment he'll be kissing you sweetly then it turns into a full blown make out session.

He's not embarrassed about kissing you in public. Despite the Japanese culture of being conservative of PDA. He won't be making out with you in front of the entire crosswalk but he'll give you pecks or smooches that last a moment or two.

Whenever he leaves for work, he'll always ask for his goodbye kiss or when he's back home he'll be eagerly waiting for your kiss.

Whenever you both pass by each other whether at home or at school, he'll press a chaste kiss to you.

His tongue is divine, he definitely knows how to use his tongue. You can bet he knows how to tie a cherry into a knot using just his tongue.

You will always taste something sweet lingering on him as you kiss him.

He doesn't have a specific type of kiss he likes, he likes them all as long as they're with you. Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, eskimo kisses you name it!

He will definitely will to try out all forms of kisses with you.

L= Love (Who drops the L-word first? Would they rather say it or do it?)

Love is a complicated feeling, Gojou hasn't felt that before with any of his past relationships.

That was until he met you. That's when he realized that what the feeling was.

You were cuddling in bed together, face to face. There was no talking just silence as the two of you stare deeply into each other's eyes. Only the light of the moonlight peaking through the curtains illuminating the room.

Gojou stares into your eyes with a soft smile on his face as he gently lays his hand on your cheek.

Your eyes held the universe within them, the universe that is you and it's staring back at him with so much love and affection within them. He feels the warmth spread throughout his body. He whispers softly "I love you..." as his own eyes reflect yours.

You gasp with eyes widening, processing the words he spoke. You feel your eyes well up in tears, as your cheeks warm. You place your hand over his and whisper back "I love you too.." smiling brightly at him.

That was the moment when he first told you he loved you, it was so genuine and raw.

Afterwards he'll always voice out that he loves you but of course he shows it as well. He'll call you beautiful while pressing a kiss to your forehead.

M= Marriage (How do they propose to you? What’s their ideal wedding like? Where do you plan it?)

Gojou is a very spontaneous man, I can imagine him doing it during the most mundane and random moments. Such as after you're both walking home from a date or maybe it's late into the night while you're both cuddling.

Maybe moments where you're hurt or if he almost lost you.

"Marry me, (Y/N)..."

It's just a spur of the moment kind of thing, when he's the most vulnerable. When he realizes "ah, I want to spend the rest of my life with this person..."

Gojou is pretty flexible with the kind of wedding he wants. He doesn't really have a dream wedding.

The elders of his clan would definitely bug him for a Traditional one as it is customary.

However, if you want a Western style wedding instead he will definitely go for it.

Mostly likely, you both will have two weddings one traditional and western.

Money is different not an issue with this man. Say the word and you shall receive. It's definitely going to be extravagant.

Whether you want to or not he'll find a way to splurge his money.

If the elders are opposed to your marriage you'll both will just have a private wedding, inviting the people closest to you guys.

Not marrying you because someone said no is not an option for him.

N= Nicknames (What do they call you? Do they call you these in public as well? How often do they call you in nicknames?)

Gojou has a variety of nicknames for you!

Ranging from the typical baby, babe, sweetie, darling and honey.

Or something more sweet such as princess/prince, my love, my dearest.

And there's those really cringey ones such as sugarpie, cupcake, my strawberry cheesecake.

He will literally call you by any dessert name.

"Hey, my kikufuku!" Yup, that's you.

If you're shorter than him you can add shorty, short stuff or munchkin to the list.

When he uses them usually depends on the situation. If he's feeling really affectionate or needy he'll be using the really sweet nicknames.

Sometimes he'll even come up with the most ridiculous ones as much as it embarrasses you.

Usually he'll just call you using the common nicknames. He will only use your real name during serious situations.

He's not shy about proclaiming you as his chocolate cupcake. Not even in front of his students or colleagues.

"Are you referring to (L/N) sensei?" "Bingo!"

You've tried to beg him to stop but the man doesn't listen.

O= Open (How open are they with you? Are they willing to share their secrets and past with you? Do they trust you?)

Gojou despite being a man who loves to talk does not like talking about his private life or his past.

It's very personal information to him and he doesn't want the information to fall into the wrong hands.

If anyone asks about it he'll either ignore the question or answer it very vaguely.

You would have to be someone has spent years by his side to be to attain that level of trust with you.

There are some things in his past that isn't easy to talk about, even though it doesn't bother him now. If you ask he will tell you about it briefly.

If it's information not regarding his secrets or his past, he doesn't sharing those details. If you wanna about his mission or want to check his phone, he will let you. He has nothing to hide except the secret pictures he takes of you.

He in return trusts you as well, but he won't pry into things you don't want to talk about.

If you manage to gain his trust enough for him to reveal personal information about him, don't break it. If you do, you will never be able to gain it back.

P= PDA (Are they into PDA? Do they often do it? Their reaction if you hold their hands or kiss them in public.)

Gojou is into PDA but he doesn't flaunt it as often as you think. He won't be making out with you in the middle of the school hallway but he will press chaste kisses to you.

He's not afraid to hug you or hold your hand around the faculty or students.

He won't do something inappropriate in public he likes to keep that in private. Through sometimes he will because he likes seeing you embarrassed while you desperately ask him to stop. Trying not to gain the attention of the people around you.

He also likes seeing the reactions of other people when he does display affection towards you but mostly he does it to see your cute reactions.

If you initiate hand holding with him, he will definitely hold your hand back tightly. If you kiss him, he'll be surprised but then he's quick to tease you about it.

"Oya, is my cupcake getting bold～?"

If anyone looks at you two with disgust he will yell out "you got a problem?"

He's not shy to show the world he loves you.

Q= Quirk (Do they find your quirks adorable or odd? Do they tell you or not? Do they have a quirk of their own?)

Nothing escapes his keen eyesight. He'll notice and remember a lot of your quirks even the ones you're unconsciously doing.

He thinks its absolutely adorable, like how you furrow your eyebrows in concentration how you pout when you're deep in thought.

All these little quirks make you who you are and he adores them.

Gojou will tell you about them of course, even if you try to deny it. If you don't believe he'll try to take a picture to show you which ends up making you really embarrassed.

"I can't help it, I don't even know that I'm doing that..." you whisper with a blush on your face.

Gojou has a quirk of fiddling with his blindfold or his sunglasses if he's wearing them.

Definitely a fan of putting his hands in his jacket or hands while he stands or walks. He doesn't like the feeling of his hands being empty.

R= Reliable (Are they loyal? How loyal are they? Are they there for you when you need someone?)

Gojou is a very honest and down to earth kind of guy. Of course, loyalty is something he firmly commits to.

Cheating is something he won't resort to at all costs. No woman or man is tempting enough for him to be swayed.

We all know he is a good looking guy, he's bound to attract suitors anywhere but he'll turn them all down. He already has you, why would he need anyone else?

There are times where you might feel insecure or jealous but Gojou will always be there to assure you not to. He'll do his best to comfort you, until you're smiling again.

"You're the only one I need..."

During these times he'll even share his precious sweets with you. He'll feed you cake while hugging you from behind.

Have faith in him because whenever you need him, he'll make sure to be there.

S= Solace (How do they comfort you? Do they immediately notice you being sad?)

Gojou just has sense whenever you're feeling sad, even though you try your hardest to hide it.

He just sees through your facade. He won't ask if you're okay when he clearly knows you'll try to lie about it.

If you're trying to avoid him, he'll either pin you against the wall or pull you into his embrace.

He'll be silent as he takes off his blindfold to stare deep into your eyes, how could you lie when those eyes are looking straight at you.

He won't ask you about what's bothering you but he will always be there to comfort you.

Gojou would pull you into his lap on his expensive chair and cradle you like child as he gently caresses your hair.

Ligerning forehead kisses is also he does to comfort you.

Gojou would also bring his sweets stash and slowly feed you some while he hugs you from behind. If you want food, he'll be glad to cook up your favorite meal.

He knows a lot of cringy and cheesy jokes, in which ends up with him laughing at his own jokes. His laughter is contagious so wouldn't be able to hold back a smile after that.

T= Turn-off (What do they dislike in people? What is their turn-off?)

Gojou hates the old way of thinking he finds in elders especially the elders of his clan and the jujutsu society.

He doesn't like anything anything serious or boring. If you're too uptight, he'll find a way to break that.

Another thing he hates is when people do something behind his back or say something behind his back. If you have something to say, then say it straight it to him.

Routine is another thing he dislikes, he's very spontaneous and looks for the fun in things.

He dislikes vegetables and anything bitter. He's a lover of sweets afterall!

Prying too much into his personal life, as proud as he isーhe doesn't like going around talking much about his private life or his past.

U= Umbrageous (Do they easily get offended by what you said? How will they react when you get hurt by what they said?)

Now if you mean playful gets offended then the answer would be yes. If you're seriously trying to offend him, he won't. He's not the type to take things like that to heart.

Call him an idiot, a narcissist, he will playful hold his chest in pain and whine to you while he pouts.

He'll even tease you back if he feels like it.

"Sorry, did you say something～?"

Even though he doesn't take insults to heart, if you use his past against him, he will take offense to it. His past is something he doesn't want to bring up so if you or anyone brings it up. That changes things.

He tries to keep the optimism but he's only human with emotions so there will be times you could offend him.

If you managed to offend him, he'll be unusually quiet as he dwells on your words.

He won't resort to anger but that doesn't mean he won't at times. That's when he's firing insults back you, blinded by rage. He will regret it afterwards though.

V= Vision (What do they imagine their future? What is their dream? Do they want to spend it with you?)

If Gojou truly loves you, he'll definitely would want to spend the rest of his life with you by his side. Somewhere where he doesn't have to be on guard and would always welcome him with open arms.

Yet at the same time he is afraid of the dangers that come associated with him. If you're a civilian he'll try to distance himself away from you. He's afraid one day when he's not around, someone might come after you. His world is completely different from that of a normal person's afterall.

If you work in the same field as him. He'll definitely be more reluctant to push you away, because he knows you can handle yourself. It lessens his worries.

Still life as a shaman is still as dangerous, you're putting your lives at risk every time you go on a mission. The thought of losing you scares him to the very core.

Despite that he still loves you and if can't be with you he would like to associated with you someway maybe as acquaintances or friends.

He dreams of a world without cursed spirits, where he can live a peaceful life, settle down and start a family with you.

In a world crowded with darkness he dreams of a single ray of solace that is you.

Someone that will stay by his side no matter how difficult it will be.

W= Wacky (What is their reaction in you doing something crazy? Will they join you or stop you?)

Gojou Satoru is a man child, he does the most ridiculous of things like wearing a skirt of a highschool student.

If you're the type of person who's just as energetic and wild as him, it's going to be chaos.

You both will pull pranks on the students and faculty. Poor Ijichi being one of your primary targets.

If you're the type of person who's more on the serious side then he'll be shocked by your suggestion.

But of course he's willing to join in whatever plot you have.

Gojou already gives the higher ups a headache, if you're added to the mix it's going to end up being a massive headache.

He lost count of the amount of times he got scolded by Principal Yaga.

He can come up with the wildest ideas and sometimes you will have to become his break.

Principal Yaga specifically asked you to keep him in check after all.

X= Xtra (Random Headcannon about them)

Gojou Satoru has a driver's license. In fact he even owns several cars.

Of course, they're all the expensive ones because he thinks they look cool.

Does he use them? Not that often, when you literally have the ability to teleport or have Ijichi to drive you around.

As you expect he's a fast driver, you will literally be griping your seatbelt for dear life. It looks like he's gonna crash but he won't. He just likes to scare you.

Of course there's a stash of candy and extra pairs of sunglasses in the glovebox.

Gojou is surprisingly a great cook. You would think being raised with servants he wouldn't know how to cook but he does.

He studies the recipe very carefully and cooks. It's as if he has a natural talent for cooking.

At first, you were pretty skeptical of his cooking but once you had of bite of his dish. You could feel the literal flavors explode on your tongue.

When it's his turn for him to cook, expect him to be wearing a cute apron while blasting music from his speaker.

He'll be singing and dancing in the kitchen.

Hug him from behind while he cooks and he'll melt right then and there. Trying to hide a blush from you.

Y= Yearning (Do they long for you? Will they find themselves missing you while you’re away? If so, how will they cope with it?)

Even though you haven't seen each other for a day he terribly miss you. Your just gives him warm and when you're not there he feels cold.

He goes on missions very often and they can last days or even weeks depending on the case. He'll try to update you as much as he can on when he could come home.

Even when he's in the middle of fighting cursed spirits, he'll find his mind wondering towards you.

If he's away from you, you'll be getting calls and texts from him quite frequently. He'll make sure to always greet you good morning or good night and ask how you are.

He'll always ask if you've eaten or not and asks you to send a picture of your meal to prove it to him. He needs to know you're being well fed.

If you think he talks too much he texts just as much. He'll even take random selfies of himself or something interesting he wants you to see.

If you send him a selfie or video he'll save that so fast and save that to his folder. So he can look through them whenever he misses you.

If it's a long mission, he might pack one of your shirts which has your scent so he could take a whiff to calm himself or cuddle as he sleeps.

After a mission if he's not tired yet, he'll video call you every now and then.

He'll try to come back as fast as possible because he doesn't feel complete without your presence.

Z= Zzz (Do they fall asleep easily? Do they move around while sleeping? What sleeping position do they like best?)

If we are talking about the past Gojou, maybe around his youth then no. He had difficulty sleeping because sleeping meant he's vulnerable to attacks.

This is why relies mostly on sweets to stimulate his brain because there are days where he can't sleep at all. His powers drain a lot of energy to keep up.

Once he could run Infinity automatically, he doesn't have any trouble sleeping at all. In fact, he passes out instantly once his head hits the pillow.

The man works hard and goes on tons of missions so of course he's bound to be tired when he gets home.

Gojou Satoru is 190 cm tall so of course he has a large king sized bed at home. He likes having a lot of space but he tends to move around a lot unconsciously.

There have been times where he has fallen off the bed as well.

If you're sleeping with him and want to prevent him from taking all the bed space, you both cuddle that way his limbs are locked on you.

His likes to sleep laying on his back while you lay on your chest or embracing you from behind as you both sleep on your sides.

It's very rare from him to snore but that doesn't mean he doesn't and when he does, it's loud.

However sleeping with him has it's benefits, if you wake up before him you'll be graced by the most angelic view. As he breathes softy while his long white eye lashes remain closed.

If he does wake up you will also be graced by his morning voice which is divine.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #gojou satoru #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x you #jujutsu kaisen gojo #sfw alphabet gojo satoru #jjk gojo #jjk imagines #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #500 followers event #skipps writes

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now-im-a-belieber · 3 years

Note

Hii❤️ can j please request "i love you so much that it terrifies me" with Bill? Thank you❤️

prompt: "i love you so much that it terrifies me"

bill guarnere x female!reader

a/n: annnnd im back to writing angst! don't worry the ending is mostly happy and i kind of have an idea for a part 2?! but here's this for now, i'm kinda proud o' this one!

taglist: @capsparkyspeirs @wecomrades @tvserie-s-world @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant

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Your enlistment was nothing short of a miracle.

It happened during the last attempt you'd given yourself out of about a dozen other times. The officer, who'd become used to you storming up to his desk every other day, sighed upon noticing your return this time. Until then, he'd only ever glance your way and then back down at whatever work lay upon his desk. But this time, he sighed.

Hell, so what if you'd worn him down more so than convinced him you were fit to fight? He'd finally agreed to let you sign your name on the dotted line.

"Fine." The officer said. "You wanna prove something so badly, go on, prove it." And he went on to ramble about how he wouldn't be surprised to find you back home in a week's time after failing to meet any requirements at Toccoa.

"War is no place for women." He huffed, finally.

"Then I'd better hurry and get out there. Since anyone who shares your ideals clearly has no fight left in them on the behalf of people like me."

You brushed off his discouragement and marched home to the beat of your ever quickening heart. Bill was certainly going to have a lot to say about this. But so were you...

He was packing when you arrived. There were no more days left until Bill was due at the training camp. Just one night's rest. The last night you'd planned to spend together for only God knew how long.

But before any goodbyes could begin, you hovered in the bedroom doorway with news to share. Better to get this out in the open and out of the way...

"I got in." You breathed, stood with the confirmation papers in your vice grip, like if you let go of them they'd cease being tangible.

"You got in?" Bill repeated in monotone. You weren't expecting a fight. You'd actually thought Bill would burst at the seams with pride and joy, like he said he would when you first wondered aloud, if your joining up was wise.

But then he repeated the same sentence in some kind of realization. And there was a smile affecting his tone as he spoke in the charming draw you'd always adored. He abandoned his poorly packed bags and swept across the room to stand before you, with a gleam in his eye. And then came his rambles of praise and excitement. Telling you he knew you'd make it. Telling you he'd be right behind you every step, ready to give hell to anyone who might try and break you down along the way.

You let your man fawn and flatter you, but knew this night couldn't end without making yourself perfectly clear.

"That's the thing though." You revealed with a shaky breath. You hadn't thought much about how to say this. But you knew you had too.

"Your help.... I don't think it would help. Bill, I have to do this on my own. The officer's right. I *do* have something to prove. And I don't want anyone thinking I made it to where I'm headed because my boyfriend knocked enough barriers out of my way."

You didn't wanna fight. You desperately didn't want this to be a fight. But this was something you were sure of. So you braced yourself at the sight of your man's jaw clenching.

And there was no hiding the flash of sadness in Bill's eye's, though sadness for what, you couldn't be exactly sure. As you held your breath, you watched as Bill slowly relaxed his shoulders. And through the pregnant silence that had settled, he reached out to you and said, "Alright, doll."

"Alright?" You wondered in suspicion. That was almost too easy.

"I know you ain't gonna change your mind about somethin' this important to ya." Bill pointed.

So then it was decided. You'd be headed to the same place with the same goal with the person you'd loved longer than you had fingers to count on. But you wouldn't let on that you'd known Bill long before stepping foot onto the camp grounds. After a while longer of your making your aspirations clear, Bill promised he understood. And you hoped your selfish determination wouldn't be misconstrued.

And still, your man went on another monolog about how proud of you he was.

"But if ya think I won't be around every corner waitin' up to steal you away, you'd better think again." Bill kissed your head and coaxed you to bed, reminding you this was the last of night's like these.

So you stayed entirely swept up in Bill's orbit. Talk of what things would be like quickly washed away by your appreciation for the moment Bill implored you to stay focused on. This was the last of night's like these indeed...

///

He'd been at Toccoa for a week already. You realized entirely, that your late joining would affect you just as negatively as every other aspect of your joining at all.

But this only made you want it worse than ever. Not just to prove yourself. Not just to prove others wrong. But you felt the desire to be a part of this for reasons much more profound than you'd ever had the means to understand for yourself, let alone explain to anyone.

So you followed every rule like it was do or die. From which path to walk to find your barracks- to the drills you were sent to practice before you'd so much as stepped out of the cab ride here.

And to your surprise, you seemed to blend into the background of things. There were no gasps or whispers traded as you found your place among the men.

It was hard to tell if they could care less about your presence, or if they collectively, subconsciously, decided to freeze you out; finding it the easiest way to focus on reigning supreme themselves.

And it was just as you'd gotten used to the silence you'd been receiving, when you saw him. Your man. Your Bill, yakin' with some fellas who reminded you of the kids you'd hung around the school yard with, back home.

And at the sight of the man you'd loved for so long, after a fortnight gone from his side, you were inclined to run into his loving arms- despite your fuss made about keeping a distance.

And then he saw you, too. And the bunch he was with had begun walking off. Bill seemed to turn, to follow along, in a moment that sent your heart to plummet. But over his shoulder Bill shot you a wink and a sly smile.

And something about the smile he gave you beyond the space he respected made your heart rise back up and melt all the while. And you realized he was completely on your side. How did you get so lucky?

Things went on like that for a couple weeks. Most of the company would pay you no mind. This meant your accomplishments seemed invisible and the times you might've been bold enough to ask for a helping hand fell on deaf ears.

But some started to pester you, unable to hold back their snide remarks any longer. An odd pride swelled within you, when your existence started becoming meaningful enough to irk them. And eventually, a few of the sweeter souls seemed to recognize that you were, in fact, a human, just as eager to be a part of the great big fight as they were.

So with the few friends you'd made, you'd found occasional moments of respite side by side. But of course, there was one soldier who managed to hold your attention everyday- though you were damn good at pretending this wasn't so.

Bill, on the other hand, couldn't be stopped from shouting encouragement across obstacle courses and casting longing stares across the dining hall. And some of the guys you'd started getting on with kept cracking jokes about how Bill must've had some secret crush on you. In a way, they weren't wrong. And the whole act was almost a little bit fun.

Bill went as far as introducing himself to you, acting a bigger flirt than you'd ever recalled him acting when he was very first pursuing you- which was really saying something.

And when the pair of you managed to sneak off on those weekends you were set free, it was almost as if you'd never been parted at all. Bill would trace patterns across your skin and laugh with you about nothing into the night, like always.

And every one of those rare opportunities ended by you asking if he was still alright with this whole strange arrangement you'd created. And Bill assured he was fine to sit back and watch you out run easy company's fastest sprinters, and give Shifty's near perfect shooting record a little competition. Bill knew you were on a personal mission to accomplish all the things you knew you could, without any implications. But you *were* starting to miss him.

Because those days and nights where you got to steal a moment of Bill's time were becoming sparse. And your rough plans together were almost always thwarted- by surprise drills and punishments.

And it came as a shock to no one that you'd most often get the worst of it from Sobel. His unhinged language somehow sunk lower when aimed at you. You knew his demeaning of your gender was intended to break you down. But you didn't let it. His discipline was often set up for you to fail, and make a fool of yourself. But you powered through the worst of it, and shot the bastard a grin each time you managed to come out on top of each ridiculous task. If you hadn't been motivated to push yourself before, you'd become mad to gain power by now.

Trouble was, on the few nights Bill made a point to sneak into your bunk, there was just no time for much besides dutifully listening to him drone on about how he missed you.

You'd been made to double your workload when everyone else got the rare chance to take it easy. And during then, Bill sought you out, like he once promised he would. And though you couldn't help but appreciate the nights he offered to stay up with you; to help finish some nightmarish task made to drive you to throwing in the towel- you sent him away. Bill would argue that any fight you had to face was his fight too. And you argued back that you thought he'd promised he understood that you were dead set on coming through this on your own.

Some mornings he'd let his hand squeeze your own below the table in the dining hall; while the others were busy fighting over desserts. But you eventually started shooting down Bill's attempts to display even the smallest affection- feeling strangely endangered by and entirely undeserving of his kind attention, at least until you earned your wings.

Those moments were already so few. And eventually they ceased all together, and the weeks started to fly by. Before you knew it, the time that had passed almost seemed to push the two of you further apart. Bill would be sent on one exercise while you were banished elsewhere. And on and on, until d-day.

As you slipped into your gear, a pit grew in your gut. Not for fear of what might be to come, but because you couldn't find Bill. And you *needed*to find him before thing's got even more complicated.

The sight of the man boarding a separate plane only brought you a blink of relief. But hardly so, it was no goodbye. Only confirmation that he was headed toward the same fate as you.

You were pushed onto your own flight, and the worry within you increased ten fold.

As the plane idled, some men chattered to ease their nerves. Their conversation had passed through one of your ears and out of the other, until you heard Bill's name repeated a couple of times.

"What's his problem? Seems to be more of a bitch than usual." One of them griped, wondering about the state of your man. It made you sick to realize you hadn't been near enough to him to realize he'd been in a strange mood, for a while.

"Yeah, well you'd be a bitch too if you found out your brother died, just before your flight out to hell." Johnny Martin pipped up. His tone more defensive than usual. You couldn't help but gawk at the peevish soldier who'd often, perplexingly, been kind to you. Had he really just said what you thought he said?

"Bill's brother?" You begged to know, trying quickly to hide the way your face fell.

"Yeah. He was killed in Italy, somewhere." Martin informed, keeping a quizzical eye on you.

"I see." You played, shoving all the terror and hurt deep deep down. There simply was no time to feel such things, and certainly not enough time for an explanation, should you start to lose it a little.

Before you knew it you were rocketing toward the ground and scrambling through tall grass to find a familiar face. Smoke and flames led your way, and one day and night passed before you saw your man again- two days that seemed to pass slower than years and decades.

And when you did spot Bill, he was relaxing with some of the others on the steps of a blown up building; and some horrid resistance within you grew stronger than the usual natural instinct to run into his embrace. The mixed emotions caused a cry to lodge itself in your throat, but you wouldn't let it out of course.

And by then Bill had made his way close enough to you to notice the sheen of tears you were reluctant to let fall.

"Still blerry eye'd from that shit storm we dived into, huh?" He nudged your side with his elbow and the smile he wore was gentle and encouraging despite the mayhem that had shadowed your senses, and his no doubt, for days now.

"You didn't tell me about your brother." You spoke in a whisper that came out in more of a hiss, unintentionally.

"Yeah, well you didn't tell me goodbye. But who's countin'?" Bill shot back, not speaking in anger so much as dejection. The two of you stood holding each others gaze for the first time in longer than just the two days you'd been separated.

"So what are we gonna do?" Bill wondered. But the ending of his statement was drowned out by the officers shouting for your company to fall out.

And for weeks that was as good as it got. The looks you shared across rooms were scant. And if there was ever time you might've had to find each other and sort things, you didn't take it- too terribly afraid he'd tell you how horribly you'd been treating him and break your heart in the middle of this already loveless bedlam.

It was all your fault, creating this chasm between the two of you and having no clue how to close it up. You'd walked around it many a time and met on the edge but the space was only growing.

The distance you insisted upon at first was never supposed to last this long but it seemed to have found a permanent place between you.

And what was worse, were the instances Bill found himself at your side- sharing silence on patrols and long rides from one place to another.

He was right in your reach. Just like he promised to always be. But that only made the storm of emotion within you seem to rage even wilder.

By the time your company had reached Belgium, you'd convinced yourself that everything you'd once shared with Bill was long gone. For all the times you failed to reach out to him, Bill seemed to pass up reaching out to you all the same.

Until one night. You were headed back from viewing some old film with a few of the guys who'd become used to your presence. There were still a few troopers who grimaced at the sight of you mixed in battle near them. But there were more who'd been proud to fight beside you, and invited you to take in a film on one lucky night off.

Bill was among them, listening to their banter while you lagged behind the bunch. You'd been certain that he'd finally crossed over to the side if the men who'd found it easier to turn a blind eye your way. But then

your crew rounded the corner of some weather worn barn. And Bill broke away from the group and stopped you from walking on- grabbing you by the elbow and gently holding you to stall.

"Bill, I don't think-" you began, croaking past the ever present lump in your throat. Worried that the others would hear should you start to bicker. You didn't care what they knew, anymore. Only hoped to prevent any further upset. There was already so much sorrow you're lot had to carry and sort through. And selfishly, you couldn't dream of stirring up any more upset.

"Shaddup. This ain't how it's gonna be no more." Bill returned, his voice full and insistent. He still held one of your arms and brought his other hand to follow suit.

You were too stunned by his insistence and his closeness after so much confusion that you keep your mouth shut.

"I miss you, damn it."

Your brow furrowed at his gentle confession and your mouth hovered open. Too many words jammed in your throat but you manage to stammer out the one's that reign truest.

"I miss you too."

Bill's worry seemed to fade into relief. His eyes shut as he brought his lips to your head, like he always used to do. And you let him.

"Well, we can't have that." You closed your eyes then, as he spoke against your temple and ran his hand up to your shoulders, bringing his fingers to hold your face. You let Bill lean in for a real kiss, feather light and sweet as ever. And you didn't try and stop as he followed behind on your decided way back toward your billet.

But as you turned the corner at last, a drunken member of your company stopped you from walking further.

Cobb stood in the middle of the rest of the path, sipping from a foreign bottle. He never liked you much. Before you could shove past the guy, he spoke up.

"Who the fuck do you two think you are?" Cobb spat, eyeing Bill past your shoulder. "What makes either of you think you deserve happiness, let alone love? In the palm of your hand in the middle of all this? It's audacious. You disgust me." Perhaps Cobb had seen the way Bill had only just so tenderly held you. Or perhaps he was just on another senseless bender.

Either way, you let your eye's roll and breezed on by, leaving the drunken fool behind. He didn't let Bill pass so easily, though, slurring something about your character in the face of the man who'd so far unconditionally loved you.

"Get fucked, Cobb. Maybe that stick up your ass'll come lose, then." Bill pushed past the soldier who'd been insulted enough to shut his mouth. But his alcohol fueled barb rang in your ears the rest of the walk to the place you were headed.

The walk was quiet. And you debated over speaking your mind even as you crept into the room. It had to be done, you realized. The room was empty of listening ear, and equipped with a door to shut the world out. You and Bill hadn't had many chances like this in a year or so. And you knew fate had designed this opportunity, a chance to finally say everything that you hadn't been able to.

"Bill." You stared, turning to face your man after you'd turned the lock on the door. He stood with his arms crossed as if to brace for impact.

"Maybe Roy wasn't wrong."

Bill shook his head as you spoke and met you in the middle of the room where you'd stood.

"I just got you back. You're nuts if ya think I'm gonna let you slip away from me again."

"But I didn't slip away!" You corrected with urgency. "I pushed you away. More than a couple of times!"

"Maybe, but you had a good reason." Bill assured, his eyes going wide under his strong furrowed brow.

"No, I had a selfish reason. And Cobb might be a drunk asshole but he's right! I don't deserve you, not now!"

"Fuck that guy. He gets a say in what happens to us? Don't fuckin' think so. You're not walkin' away from me after all this time just cause some pessimistic asshole-"

As Bill shouted, you lost all the strength you'd been enforcing to keep from falling apart over this. Your throat burned as a pathetic sob escaped and hot tears ran down your face.

What had started as some mechanism you'd used to get through training turned into something bigger and uglier. This was war. This was what it turned you into. Some selfish monster greeded for more credit when you'd already earned your place.

You'd pushed Bill away time and again and you knew he had to be near his breaking point. He proved so tonight, by grabbing you close and demanding you not stray so far again, like you'd ever really come back from doing so.

And what was worse than the realization that you'd pushed him away, was the realization that Bill might not always come back. And what if you couldn't change? What if, on your road back to being less selfish, he'd finally realize you weren't worth the chase?

"I fucked up." You admitted, heaving the realization through sobs. "Oh God, Bill, please don't leave me."

"Hello? You heard a thing I've been sayin'?" Bill rang, reaching out to you much like he did not even an hour ago. One set of fingers came to lovingly brush the tears still rolling from your eyes. And then he held your head in his hands so you'd look at him as he spoke up.

"It's always gonna be you. That's what I'm put here fightin' for. Even when you get all determined and leave me in the dust. Hell, I'm so in love with you it terrifies me, doll. Scares me that one day you'll get too good at bein' on your own, and leave me, all alone, still be fightin'." Bill poured forth, searching your gaze as he spoke.

"Point is, I'll always be on your team. You just gotta let me stay cheerin' you on, damn it."

You nodded and tried to swallow your emotions to no avail. And finally just let yourself cry again as you repeated to Bill how sorry you were. He wrapped you in his embrace and let you lose it.

"I'll do better." You swore, meeting his eyes.

"Just feel better, for now, huh? That'll make me a happy man."

You didn't deserve Bill. But damn it, if he'd still have you, you'd be right there ready to cherish his very existence with each set and rise of the sun. You both agreed that there was no way either of you could make it through the rest of this hell without one another close by.

And you figured some of the guys had already pieced together that there was something between you and the man with an unforgiving nickname. And, apparently, Bill had entrusted Babe Heffron with his entire life story by now. That explained the curious glances the replacement had now and again thrown your way.

To hell with what anyone might've made of the two of you. To hell with any future or past where Bill wasn't in step with you.

The next night your company was hauled off toward the forest without a coat to trade between the lot of you. Teeth chattered and breath fogged the freezing air. But Bill clasped his hand in yours, and an incomparable warmth spread across everything that made you whole.

Some new kid was the subject of the company's pestering tonight, but it hardly lasted. Spirit's settled and someone near the front of the ride seemed to rhetorically wonder about home, and what it would be like to get back.

Some men answered, voicing hopes and dreams of the future. You only turned to look right at Bill, who already had his sights set on you. And then you realized, nothing much had really changed. You'd always been lucky with Bill at your side. God how you'd be glad to let it last...

#bill guarnere #bill guarnere x reader #bill guarnere imagine #band of brothers

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championofdnd · 3 years

Text

Gonna rant for a bit. Normally I wouldn't put anything about work online but I am so freaking frustrated. I came into this job (Sys Admin) with 0 experience. My boss and team lead knew this. In my interview (with both of them, not with hr) I was very honest about how much I actually knew.

So they hire me for my enthusiasm. I spend the first week getting my work station set up, doing the mandatory trainings, and learning people's names. The standard. And then I ask for work... The team lead is swamped with an emergency fix, use this website to start working on this cert that we want you to get. Okay cool I get it, I'll ask again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the next week... And oh I got access to the servers, I need to go test my log in to ALL of them k. Anything else I can do to break the tedium? Documentation. Documentation of what? Oh right of stuff I haven't been shown how to do... Okay...

Like I can go google how to create a user on the system or how to install an operating system, but that doesn't tell me how your system is set up. Even if i had experience I'd still be asking, hey whats this server for? How do we move code between the environments? What software suites do we use for this task? Do we have a license for this product and what does the license allow? How do we normally access the systems, as root, as an individual user, as a group user?

And since I have 0 experience, I don't always have the right words to ask the question. So I end up with a lot of just show me. But I wouldn't get shown unless I ask 100 times. And I take notes but they aren't perfect so I have to come back later for clarification. But I'm expected to have finished this document on how to do this process I've seen done once so the doc can be used in an AUDIT??? So it has got to be right! And yeah my team lead is to busy to review it...

So I talk to my boss every week or so, how are things going. Well I've been working on the cert training and I've learned this and that recently. Does team lead answer your questions? Yeah sometimes he takes a while to get back cause he's always swamped but he's super friendly about it when I do get ahold of him. (Did I mention I started this job during quarantine, so guess who wasn't physically in the office the first 4months, team lead, so I'm relying on him answering my calls or calling back or responding to email/im). I mention it'll be easier when he can come back into the office but I of course understand why he can't at the moment. So boss asks if I have enough work. Well, I have a hard time getting work from team lead cause he's always swamped so finding time to delegate work is hard especially since he's so used to working alone but I'll keep asking and also since I don't have a lot of experience it can be hard cause he has to set aside to show some basic stuff. But again once he's in the office I'm sure it'll be better. Until then im keeping busy, after all itsy IT there's always plenty to do and it all needed to be done yesterday! So I'll keep working on that cert for now.

I pick up a few new small tasks every week, and report what I'm learning to boss. He double checks I'm busy enough cause he doesn't want me getting bored and leaving, they really want to keep me on. At some point I ask the receptionist if I can help her out with anything since team lead is swamped and my work load is light. I get chewed out by boss a few hours later and team lead calls and says he can give me some work tomorrow (which he does).

So I finally get to start ramping up it seems, boss wants everything I'm learning documented yesterday but I shrug that off cause that's normal IT proceedure. But team lead is still swamped so it takes a day to get answers to anything especially since he's still working from home.

This whole time I'm hearing about all the mistakes my predecessor (actually the last three) made, and how it's left team lead gun shy of trusting people with certain environments. And I'm like you know that's fair, I'm really process driven and quite cautious so I think it will work out. And so I'm like hey why don't I watch you do it a few times and then I'll do it a few times with you watching over my shoulder to point mistakes before I make them and then I can give it a shot on my own. And that's a great approach for me, makes me more comfortable with the work, and it's supposed make my team lead more comfortable.

So we're about 4mos in. Team lead comes back into office. There's some adjustments to be made. My workload is a rollercoaster of several things due yesterday to just doing cert training cause team lead is swamped and I know better by now than to bother asking. I'm still pretty well giving the same update to boss. There's been a few hiccups, missed a meeting here, messed up something small here. I learned how to fix the mistakes, documented everything for future reference. Boss says what matters is we don't make the same mistake twice. And I show where I documented it and I dont make the same mistake twice.

And so month five I ask boss if they're gonna hire me full time (i was on a 6mo trial) and how to start that process. And he says send him my updated resume so they can create a position and he has to double check with team lead just to make sure but that everything should be good to go.

Everything was not good to go. He comes back the next week and says team lead isn't sure I can do the job so I need to work extra hard these next two weeks to prove I can.

And well I deflated. How was I going to prove I could do the job? I'd done the tasks given me. I'd gotten good reviews. Was I asking too many questions? Team lead had commented several times that I didn't ask enough. But I'd only had a month to be able to corner him to ask things. And by this point I knew the answers to the tasks I was given, I'd done them all before. Was it because I'd missed/been late to some meetings? That was on me but it hadn't happened as of late and that mostly seemed to bug my boss not my team lead who brushed it off or missed/was late himself. And I'd fixed that problem. Was it because I wasn't surgically attached to my phone? Seriously get over it. If that's the issue I'm out, and you also need to be more clear on that expectation from the get go. So i spinu wheels and flounder for two weeks the work I'm assigned clearly isn't proving I can do this job amd my motivation flies out the window. It was a bad two weeks and I didn't know how to fix it (honestly I still don't entirely).

Team lead pulls me aside to say boss is very unimpressed (no duh, I've done nothing for two weeks) and wants to know if I still want the job since I've seemed very unenthusiastic as of late. Yes I still want the job. I do actually like the work I've been given. I'll try and fix my attitude (this was on a Thursday, a lot of people don't work Fridays at this office).

Monday the contracting company that's handling this trial period sets up a meeting, with their hr. I'm not meeting snuff. Why. I need to fix this. I need to attend meetings. I need to meet deadlines. Im legit like no duh, if I knew what the issue was I'd of already fixed it. Im as frysty as anyone but sure if it makes you happy I'll say I'll do those things.

Then Tuesday I have the epiphany. This is stupid. Of course I'm not doing the work. The work is pointless from my perspective. It's not gonna prove I deserve the job. It's the same I've been doing for months that I was told was good enough only to find out at the last minute that actually no it wasn't? If course I'm going to struggle. There has been a massive miscommunication here!

So after talking it over with the SO to make sure I'm not crazy and to hash out what I want to say I set up a meeting with my boss. This was last week. Team lead is gone for fourth of july already. I explain my epiphany that if team leads wants me to prove I can do something he needs to give me work that will prove it. I accept I've had a bad few weeks, the trial has been extended a month and I'm ready to bounce back.

Except team lead is gone so I've got the same old work to do that Thursday friy. And I don't do it, I'm still not convinced it matters. We came back in the office on Tuesday. I own up to not having done that work yet but knock it out quickly that morning and start asking questions about my next task. Oh it's the same thing you've done before but on a new server, you need to select one different option when you do it... Oh..kay... Whelp it's gotta be done its a new server I convince myslef this will prove something to team lead and go knock it out. End of the day I swing by to ask a question and team lead had to leave early (it was a legit reason, had to take dog to the vet, but it's annoying at this point). But he didn't bother telling me this, boss has to tell me.

So Wednesday (yesterday) I come in and flounder, I still have the same old tasks. After luch i worj up the resolve to tey asking team lead what else I can do. I can knock out the tasks I have pretty quick. He'll have to find something for me. I don't hear back that day.

So here I am this morning, I'm fed up. SO thinks I should call team lead out to boss. I'm having a hard time with it though. Is it really his fault? Maybe I'm not pushing hard enough for more work? I mean haven't explicitly gone to his office and said give me more challenging work or else. Like how do I say that. At this point I'm struggling to complete the easy tasks I have, why would he give me something harder? But they themselves have said the receptionist could do what I do. I just. I don't want to even bother at this point...

#rant #soap box #IT #work #work sucks #difficult conversations

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orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries · 4 years

Text

So close, yet still so far.

Well, I did say it in my last post, right? Be a man. Stop calling. But ooof, gotta say, it hurts bad. But maybe a little less than the uncertainty.

I kinda pride myself on the relationships I have with people. I feel good when people trust me enough to confide in me, to tell me stuff they don’t usually tell others...

I also hate losing relationships or seeing friendships fade away. And I know, that’s dumb and something I gotta learn to deal with. And I thought I was okay with that, I thought I already learnt this lesson. People come and go, nothing really lasts forever. It’s just part of life.

Ugh, so why does it hurt so damn bad? I think really now, it’s becoming more set in stone that neither of us are going to do anything about it. I know I won’t, not anytime soon at least. I gotta put me first. At least I’m not feeling any sort of guilt now since he was the one who left me on read. Granted, it was kinda drifting off, but well... Y’know, I realised maybe my honesty the other day really was just the dealbreaker. Maybe there were a lot of dealbreakers already but I was still trying and he was being a little too courteous.

But we have a saying in mandarin “勉强没有幸福” - which basically means if you try and force something too hard, you wouldn’t be happy.

There’s so much I wish I could have done differently. But sometimes, anxiety gets in the way, depression gets in the way. We met at a bad timing, maybe if it weren’t for COVID, things could have gone differently. Then work stress also piled up, all the change in personnel and then workload and being burned out. No proper rests with the schedule, even if so, you might still end up working on your day off. And when you’re back in office, it’s just store work basically all day till even past 6pm and then you stay back to finish your other work.

I’m really trying to be thankful that I still have a job in spite of the pandemic, but ooof, the exhaustion these days is also... My mental health had taken a toll, and I didn’t even realise till too late. I was always crying, overwhelmed. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even breathe. It sucks when you can’t even do the most basic of things. I’ve started relying on focusing my smell on things - mints, essential oils... I try not to complain and rant too much about everything, but I guess it got bottled up, all the way up to the brink.

I started overthinking, dwelling, worrying about everything, the little things. That one time I wanted to treat everybody for lunch and drinks, the other time I brought cookies, and I couldn’t mouth the words to tell them. The insecurities, the fear. The What Ifs.

But, there were also good days. Days where I’m just like, okay, suck it in. You got this. You can just brave on your mask and then be all positive and sunshine, spread that love and positivity and kindness. It works sometimes, but I don’t think it lasts very long either. That’s also another thing... Sometimes I do admire people who can put on a brave front despite everything, and I think I’m that person sometimes, but other days, I’m just falling apart and I can feel my vibes affecting people around me. I absolutely hate that. But if I don’t allow myself to show how I truly feel, aren’t I just wearing a mask all the time?

Sometimes I just wish I could re-meet him. Just start over. I think I was so afraid to fall for him that I didn’t allow myself to feel. And maybe it led me to suppress that once I allowed them in, it just overwhelmed me. I was so afraid to show him my darker sides, I was afraid to speak up. Maybe he would have been supportive and understanding... But also, it’s a little tough sometimes to open your heart like that, especially with someone you’re interested in. Which actually, maybe, all the more I should have, if I wanted to share my life with him.

There were times it was easy to flirt with him, to make a move and even ask him out. I mean, considering it was me who asked him for our date/meet up. Also, was it a date? Anyhoo, I think at some point, I was more afraid to commit rather than facing rejection. Rejection, that’s just me having to pick myself back up and mend this broken heart again, and I do have faith I have the strength to do so over time, with the support of the people around me. But, commitment... I’m afraid that I would hurt the other person, especially unknowingly. Maybe that’s why I have this habit of withdrawing and distancing if I feel someone has intentions to be more than friends with me.

We’ve said it was fate that we met. We’ve also said we’ll leave it up to fate to see where it goes. I think we did both fight for a little at least. Maybe not at the same time, maybe not at the same effort. But I believe we did try? Maybe we could have done better, I could have done better.

But well, fate has other plans perhaps.

We were rather different anyway, but yet similar. It’s so strange. Sometimes it felt he was so right for me, but yet so wrong... I’m probably never gonna get the chance to say this to him, but I really appreciate the time and effort he spent talking and initiating convos. Maybe it was the bare minimum at times, and it was just always small talk about food and work, sometimes about nothing really, I enjoyed it. I loved listening to his voice - calming, comforting, probably why I always wanted to hear it when I was falling apart... I loved that he showed me the different perspectives, when I was stressed and upset, he would focus on the good. Maybe not in all aspects, but I felt he did push me, motivate me to be a better person.

Yet another almost-relationship. Sigh. Will I ever find love someday?

But well, there’s quite a lot of lessons learnt here, I suppose. Made the mistake of creating a version of who I expect him to be, vs who he actually is. And also maybe we focused too much on trying to date, rather than being friends. Also learning that I need to be more open and honest about some stuff, and don’t be too afraid to feel my feelings. It’s tough because I think when I open my heart, sometimes I open up a little too much, but well, when you block out the negative emotions, you block out the positive too.

Meanwhile, keeping this a little more private between us too. I truly appreciate all the advice given by friends, but it got a little conflicting at some point with too many opinions. But that’s on me. I do love how supportive my friends are, and how much they try to look out for me. Even when things got bad, even when it’s down the same shit cycle, they stayed. Well, I guess some had to take a step back, but that’s understandable too.

I think it’s time for me to take a step back too. No one can save you, unless you choose to save yourself. I’ve been trying to bring back the focus to me, to do things that used to bring me joy. Also, trying to spread the love and kindness to friends, something I’ve missed doing since I’ve been distancing myself.

But of course, apart from loving the people around me, it’s time to find my self-love and self-care again. Was watching Enchanted with my friend yesterday, and there was this line, “how can i like someone who doesn’t like themselves”. I’m still conflicted about this line honestly, because I understand it’s tough to find self-love sometimes that we rely on external love, but yes, self-love is also so damn important. But I also remember seeing this, not really sure where now, that - when two people come together in a relationship, they should both be happy with themselves, then coming together as one. A complementary relationship, not a reliant one.

Sometimes I think I have such high expectations for myself that I don’t wanna mess up in the slightest way. Which in turn, messes shit up. It’s funny, on one hand, it’s like I try to be the best I can be, but I’m also a pretty low maintenance, don’t give a shit person. And sometimes I do try hard to be there for people, just so they won’t have to feel the way I feel. I find it tough to say no, because I would feel bad or sorry.

But like my friend says, I need to stop feeling bad and sorry. Sometimes we gotta put ourselves first. This was also a lesson I forgot. Sometimes we gotta be selfish. We can’t always set ourselves on fire to give others warmth.

And well, to end off, also came across this insta story about “Best Way to Get Over Someone”, like damn, even Insta knows. So basically...

Focus on you

Get Busy

Let it all in and accept that it happened and grow from it

Reaffirm things that make you feel satisfied/happy and find yourself again

You’re not to blame. Now it’s time to focus on you. Love yourself. Remember, it takes 2 hands to clap

It’s been nice getting back to writing again. I really do write best when emotional. So yep, time to take a step back and focus on me. Figure out how to love and care for myself again. Let myself feel those feelings, as much as it hurts, as much as it sucks, but better than keeping it all bottled up and not sure when it’ll overflow.

So, a reminder for anyone out there who’s reading this, remember to take a step back and take some time for you. You’ve got this! Take care and stay safe. Lots of love!

#personal #post of the day #feelings #self love #self care #moving on #anxiety #mental health #overwhelmed #friends #work #life #letting go #love #relationships #boys #fate

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pedroscurls · 7 years

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Title: You’ve Got A Friend In Me

@laymetorest77 requested: Okay so since Fat Joey had died & there was that little part that Negan was saying his respects over the walkie, I think maybe there was a burial for him. What I'm thinking is the reader was his sister & she's super upset at the fact that he passed away & she visits his grave every day & one day Negan catches her (he's never noticed her before) & she's singing some song they used to sing to each other when they were kids & he's super stunned at how well she can sing?

Character(s): Negan and Reader Summary: Negan realizes that Fat Joey has a sister. Little does he know, she’s also got a voice of an angel. Word Count: 1,610 Author’s Note: I absolutely love writing a softer side to Negan, so thank you so much for requesting this! It’s such an interesting idea that I was super excited to write about it! The song I also chose was a song that my I have always sang with my brothers when we were younger! Thank you again for requesting, and I sure hope this exceeds all expectations! Enjoy! :-)

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(GIF Source: my other blog @avecxplaisir)

It had been a month since your brother, Joey, died by the hands of the Alexandrian that Negan kept locked in his cell. You weren’t the same since he passed away. You found every reason to not come into work at the kitchen. You spent every day lying on your bed, crying into your pillow.

Though, you did manage to leave your room only to visit your brother’s grave. It meant a lot to you that the rest of the Saviors decided to bury him rather than burn his body for safety measures. You never did want Joey to become a Savior, but he convinced you that it was going to be able to help you lessen your workload in the kitchen.

Today, you decided to leave your room and walk to the grave at the back of the Sanctuary. You kept your eyes focused on the ground, avoiding the solemn looks on the strangers’ faces. You hated that your brother was able to get along with everyone that when he passed, many people were shocked and sad to see him go.

Once outside, you pressed a hand to the wooden cross that the fellow Saviors had created for your brother. You noticed his name written perfectly against the wood before you sat down on the grass, sighing quietly.

“It’s really tough without you here, Joey,” you mumbled, staring at the tombstone. “I really wish you were… I wish it was me that took your place. Damn it.”

Negan suddenly appeared. He missed Joey’s burial, but he always made sure to drop by his grave. Though, he decided to remain in the back towards the building so that you wouldn’t be startled by his presence. He heard every word you said, feeling the guilt become more prominent.

“You shouldn’t have been the one that was there, Joey…”

You brought your legs to your chest and shut your eyes, reminiscing every memory you shared with your older brother. It seemed so distant, yet so close at the memories. Joey was gone and all you had left was yourself. You were used to your older brother taking care of you, urging you to break out of your shell and take a risk.

“Who am I going to sing to now?” you whispered, tears slowly falling down your cheeks. “Who’s going to motivate me and push me to become better? I don’t – It’s hard living here without you, Joey… You brought us to this place and I can’t imagine staying here now that you’re gone.”

The silence consumed you. All you could listen to was the breeze of the wind and nothing else. You expected Joey to appear and hear his voice, but you knew it wasn’t going to happen. He was gone and now you were alone.

You hesitantly glanced around the area, making sure that you were alone before beginning to sing the song that you and Joey always sang with one another when the both of you were young.

You’ve got a friend in me

When the road looks rough ahead

And you’re miles and miles

From your nice warm bed

You just remember what your old pal said

Boy, you’ve got a friend in me

You sang quietly, doing your best to sing as well as you possibly could, but the tears continued to cloud your eyes. You wanted nothing more than Joey to continue the next verse, but when your eyes settled on the wooden cross, tears began to spill even further.

You’ve got troubles, and I’ve got ‘em too

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you

We stick together and can see it through

‘Cause you’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me

Negan slowly stepped forward at the sound of your voice. It had been a long time since he heard music that he enjoyed listening to, so when he heard you sing, he was blown away. He wondered how come he had never noticed you before.

Many people believed that Negan didn’t like Joey, but it was the complete opposite. Fat Joey was one of the few that remained loyal to him. He did as he asked without any questions and made sure that it was done impeccably.

Losing Joey made him realize how much he considered the other man his friend. Negan didn’t know why the good always left this planet while the bad were living through this nightmare.

He was taken out of his trance when he heard you continue to sing. Negan wanted nothing more than to hear you sing every day; your voice was angelic and soothing.

Some other folks might be

A little bit smarter than I am

Bigger and stronger too

Maybe

But none of them will ever love you

The way I do

It’s me and you, boy

You rested your cheek against the cross, holding onto it tightly as your voice began to echo throughout the opened space. You were glad that you were alone because you didn’t have an exact explanation about what was happening.

Many believed that you would have been able to grieve and realize that you had a job to do at the Sanctuary: to contribute, but it was difficult. You didn’t want to believe that your older brother was officially dead.

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You’re gonna see it’s our destiny

You’ve got a friend in me…

Suddenly, Negan accidentally stepped on a stick that caused an uncomfortable silence to linger between the both of you. When you turned around to look at him, you immediately wiped your tears and kneeled in front of him.

“I – I’m sorry, sir,” you mumbled.

Negan sighed, dropping down to be at eye level with you. He lifted a finger under your chin and tilted your attention solely on him.

“You’ve got a really nice fucking voice… What did you say your name was?”

“[Y/N]… I was just leaving. I wanted to say hi to my brother,” you admitted.

Negan sighed, looking into your eyes. “Fat Joey –”

You cleared your throat.

“Joey was one of my top Saviors. He made sure that the Sanctuary was safe whenever I was gone. He was loyal and he had a goddamn great sense of humor too. Joey also talked a lot about you. I’m surprised as fuck that I’ve never seen you before,” he chuckled.

“He did?”

“He said that he’s doing all of this so that you would be protected. He really loved you. Anytime a Savior would comment about you, his instinct to become the protective, big fucking brother kicked in. It was a bit funny to see, given the fact that he wouldn’t necessarily hurt a fly,” Negan smiled.

“Did he – When you found him, did he turn?” you asked.

Negan shook his head. “He didn’t suffer, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“He was my best friend…”

Negan hesitantly rested a hand on your knee, patting it gently to provide some sense of comfort for you. You looked over at him and sighed, nodding to yourself.

“I have an offer for you,” he said.

“What…” you widened your eyes, thinking of the possibility of becoming a wife.

“No, not that. You’re too special to become a damn wife. I want you to sing for the Sanctuary. We can have you sing every night for two hours. Kids, families, Saviors… Anyone is welcome to attend…”

“I can’t, Negan… I – I’m not –”

“If you say you aren’t good, doll, I will lose my shit… And I’m sure your brother would too,” he interrupted.

“I’m scared,” you whispered.

“For what?”

“What if people don’t like the way I sing?”

“Well, they can’t necessarily choose who they want to listen to, can they? Your voice is fucking beautiful, [Y/N]. What better time to showcase your skill than now?”

“Joey always tried to make me go up on stage and sing in front of a crowd of people, but I was always so scared…”

Negan sighed, looking over at you. When you looked into his eyes, you didn’t see the façade of a big, bad wolf that he liked to display for the rest of the community to see. In fact, he seemed genuinely honest about what he was telling you.

“Why are you scared?” he asked.

“I don’t want to fail…”

“How can you fail if you never tried, doll?”

You bit your lower lip. Negan was right. You were always so scared of rejection, fear of being told that you weren’t good enough, but they were simply assumptions. It was your negative thoughts that managed to take over your confidence.

“I just –”

“He’ll be there, [Y/N]… Joey will be watching. He may be gone, but fuck, he’s living through you. Do you know why?”

You shook your head in response.

Negan slowly smiled, “Because you have the same look of innocence in your eyes just as he did. You look at me, you look at this new world and believe that we can bring it back to what it once was. Joey was one hell of a man, one hell of a Savior, doll, and I’m so fucking sorry for what happened…”

You wiped your eyes. You could feel the tears spilling from the corner of it. “Okay… I’ll do it…”

Negan grinned. “Perfect! You’ll sing tonight. We’ll give it a test run. Invite just a small crowd.”

“Okay, Negan…” you replied hesitantly.

“You’re going to be great, [Y/N]. I know it, and I’m more than fucking sure your brother does too.”

#jeffrey dean morgan #jdm #jdm fanfiction #negan #the walking dead #twd #negans thirst squad #nts #nts fics #negan's thirst squad #one shot #oneshot #requests #twd fanfiction #the walking dead fanfiction #negan fanfiction #story: you've got a friend in me

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