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confused-pyramid · 2 months

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You're the Only One Who Knows to Slow it Down | s5

pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader

summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.

word count: 16.2k

warnings: canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, major character death, gun violence, drinking, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 5x01, 5x02, 5x06, 5x09, 5x10, and 5x21

a/n: This season was really hard to write at points (I think we all know which eps I'm talking about lol) but I'm looking forward to brighter days ahead:') Also we get some more tangible tension so yay! Title is from Look After You by The Fray

series masterlist

"We're not working a case," Derek states matter-of-factly when you arrive at the crime scene. You were woken up early the next morning after getting back from Canada, and on less than four hours of sleep, your brain is struggling to function.

"Why call us to a crime scene?" you ask, walking up to the front door of the house with the rest of the team.

He shrugs. "I was hoping you knew."

You look around, trying to find Aaron, but he's nowhere in sight. He had promised to put in the team request for a few days of leave, but you presume the call came in before he got a chance to do so.

The local police let you survey the scene, explaining that a Dr. Barton got a threatening letter that someone would be murdered everyday that he didn't give up his own son. Once you're done inspecting the body, you turn to JJ, lowering your voice. "Where's Hotch?"

"He's not answering his cell," she says, her lips thinning. "I assume it's on vibrate."

You nod. "I'll try him again."

You step away from the group and click his number in your speed dial, listening to the rings until it reaches his voicemail. It's unlike him to keep his phone on silent, but you know the previous night was tough on everyone. "Hey, it's me." You tell him the address you're heading to for the case, before turning towards the car and lowering your voice. "I know you're probably just asleep, but I don't know...I have that weird feeling again that you know I get...so please just call me back." You take a deep breath, hoping you're being overdramatic, and that you'll see him pull up in a few minutes. "See you soon."

When you get to Dr. Barton's house, he still hasn't called you back. You sit with the doctor, Prentiss, and Reid in his living room, going through his recent patient files, while Morgan, JJ, and Rossi head to the school to find his son.

"Something set this guy off," Emily explains as you start poring over the records. "Odds are it's in your files."

You manage to get through about a dozen before Dr. Barton stands up with a sigh. "My son is leaving school in five hours. There's no way we can get through all of these patients in time."

You check your phone again, mostly to see the time, but you also note that there aren't any new calls or messages. "He's right. We need more eyes on this. I can get Hotch and be back in a half hour."

"Keep us updated," Emily says, nodding at you. Concern flashes across her eyes for a millisecond, and you're sure it reflects the look in yours.

The drive to his apartment doesn't take long, and you stalk down the hall, all the way to the end, until you find his door. There's no answer the first time you knock, so you reach for the spare key he gave you, but before you can use it, you realize the door is already unlocked.

Your heart drops into your stomach and you pull your gun out, using it to push open the door carefully. "Aaron? Aaron, it's me."

When the door is ajar, the sight before you almost makes you drop your gun. There's a large bullet hole in the far wall, along with a patch of drying blood and bits of broken glass on the floor. His phone is on the ground as well, and his gun and holster are lying on his dining table.

You crouch down on your heels, trying to calm your breathing, as you take in your surroundings. You need to think logically about this, or you'll be no help at all.

A few things come to you as your mind clears.

His car is still outside.

No blood splatter around the bullet hole.

No drag marks.

You dig your hand around your back pocket and pull out your phone, dialing Garcia as fast as you can. "Overtime shift, Penelope speaking."

Her chipper voice usually calms you down, but right now you need to cut to the chase. "Garcia, it's me. Something's happened to Hotch. You need to get an APB out on him."

Her breath stutters. "What do you mean, something?"

"There's blood on the floor," you whisper, willing your voice not to crack as your throat thickens with tears. "There's also a bullet hole in the wall, probably a .44."

"I'll send the whole team," she says before you cut her off.

"No, don't call the team. They need to finish the case we were assigned. Just tell Emily, since she's expecting me back, but send every other agent in the vicinity."

"On it."

The line clicks off and you release your breath, before standing up again. While you wait for the crime scene techs, you poke around his things in the main area, trying to see if anything has been taken or moved. The only thing you notice before they arrive is that a page has been ripped from his address book.

"Agent L/N?" a voice calls from the doorway.

You lift your hand. "Yeah, in here."

They come inside and get to work immediately, so you step out, just in time for Garcia to call you back. "Y/N, I checked local hospitals for his name, and I didn't find anything at first, but then one of them told me something really strange."

"Garcia," you whisper through gritted teeth. You love her, but she needs to hurry up before you explode. "What was it?"

"Someone dropped off a John Doe at St. Sebastian hospital, and that someone's name was FBI Agent Derek Morgan."

Your vision turns black for a moment. He's back. Foyet's back.

You're rushing to your car before she has a chance to hang up.

***

He's still under anesthesia when you arrive at the hospital. He was stabbed nine times. That's what the nurse told you when you flashed your credentials and asked for any information she could give you.

Now, you're standing in his doorway, trying to build up the nerve to approach his sleeping form. Even with all of the bandages covering his arms and abdomen, he somehow looks peaceful. It's been so long since you've seen his brow unfurrowed, his forehead smooth, without the tension that invades his daily life.

After a few minutes, you take a step inside, then another, and suddenly you're right beside him, reaching out to clutch his hand over the bedsheet.

His skin is cold, and you wrap both hands around his to warm it up, if even by just a little. He's usually a furnace, generating his own heat even when it's freezing out, but whenever he gets hurt, his hands turn to ice.

After a minute, your phone buzzes in your pocket and you let him go to answer it. It's just Emily telling you that she's at the hospital with the rest of the team, and you walk out into the hall to talk to them.

Rossi is the first to reach you. He squeezes you into a hug before getting back to business. "You sure it was Foyet?"

"He had Morgan's credentials," you nod, rubbing a hand over the back of your neck. Derek glances at you then, and you press your lips together with a nod.

"Did they catch him on the security cam?"

"You could see him dropping Hotch off," you explain, trying to keep your voice steady, "but the camera's only on the entrance, so I have no idea what direction he went once he left the hospital."

Emily shakes her head. "It doesn't make sense for him to have brought Hotch to the E.R."

The nurse from earlier approaches you then, pulling your attention. "Agents, he's waking up."

You shuffle inside and take his hand again as everyone walks in.

His voice is soft when he opens his eyes. "Where am I?"

"In the hospital," Emily whispers, taking care to be mindful of her volume.

He shuts his eyes for a beat. "How did I get here?"

"Foyet drove you." Rossi doesn't frown often, but the lines of his face are clearer than ever. "Can you remember what happened?"

Hotch shakes his head, closing his eyes. "What did he take? The Reaper always takes something from his victims."

"There was an address page missing from your day planner," you whisper, finally finding your voice. "In the B's."

His eyes snap open and he tries to lift his head from the pillow, but he can only wince. "Where are my clothes?"

Emily hands him a plastic bag filled with his belongings, and he ruffles through them, until he finds his wallet. When he opens it, a photograph is stuffed inside, covered in blood spatter. Haley and Jack.

Your breath catches, and he seems to realize what it means at the same moment you do. "Haley's maiden name is Brooks. I always listed her in the B's in my personal information in case it fell into the wrong hands."

You squeeze his hand involuntarily, and he exhales sharply. "He knows where they live."

***

When the rest of the team rushes off to his old house, you stay with him at the hospital. You get a call soon from JJ that Haley and Jack are just fine, and you are finally able to breathe easy for the first time all day.

"They're okay," you tell him when you hang up the phone. "That was JJ. She said Haley was home and Jack's at a playdate, but Morgan is going to pick him up right now."

He nods slowly, his body relaxing into the bed. "Good. That's good."

"It is," you say, eyeing his movements. It's still enormously difficult to look at him like this, but you won't be able to move forward if you don't know the truth. "Aaron, what happened? What did he do?"

"I don't remember all of it," he says slowly, clearly taking his time with each word. There's no rush, and he knows it. Even if it takes him hours to get it all out, you'll still be here. "I remember him being there when I got home, after I dropped you off. He fired off a shot into the wall, and then I tried to tackle him, but..."

He trails off, and you squeeze his hand tighter, as though trying to tether him to the present moment. After a few shallow breaths, he continues. "I tried to tackle him, and I got him on the ground, but then he overpowered me." You can almost see it in your mind. The picture he's painting as he weaves over the details with startling clarity. "The first one hurt the most."

The first stab. Your eyes close for a beat, like you're trying to hide from his words. The first of nine.

"I don't remember much after that." You can tell he's leaving things out, but you also don't know if you'll be able to handle it if he does tell you everything.

"That's okay," you whisper as his eyes droop down. "You should rest."

He nods slowly as the exhaustion takes over and his grip loosens around your hand as he falls asleep.

You wait by his side for about a half hour, until you spot a familiar face (with a new haircut) dawdling in the hallway.

You stand up in a fervor. "Oh, thank god."

You rush over to Haley and pull her into a hug, which she returns just as forcefully. "JJ called us when she found you, but it's still really good to see your face."

"It's good to see you too," she says with an exhale before letting you go. You look down and see Jack standing next to her, his mouth downturned as his fingers twiddle at his sides. "Do you mind staying with him while I go talk to Aaron?"

You turn around and see that he's blinking his eyes open again. "Not at all." You take Jack's hand with a smile and lead him down the hall.

"I'm sorry if the big men scared you," you tell him once you find a few seats in the waiting area. "I know it was all very sudden."

To your surprise, his face breaks out into a big grin. "Uncle Derek let me turn on the siren!"

"Wow!" you smile, feeling warm laughter echo around your chest. "That sounds super fun."

He nods ecstatically, before leaning his head over to look back up the hall. "Can I see Daddy now?"

Your smile falls as fast as it appeared and you take his hand again, pressing his fingers between yours. "Soon, baby, soon."

***

He wakes up to the sound of faint talking. He can vaguely see you hugging someone, and he blinks a few times to clear his vision as you disappear down the hall.

"How do you feel?" Haley asks as she walks into his hospital room. She doesn't come further than the foot of the bed, but he's just glad to see her here, in one piece.

He clears his throat quietly. "I'm gonna be okay." She doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't want to focus on him right now. "Did they explain to you what's happening?"

She nods slowly, looking at him for another moment. "They said the Marshal's service is taking us straight from here and putting us into protective custody."

She looks upset, and it takes him back to the lowest moments of their relationship. "Haley, I'm sorry."

She looks down and the familiar urge to comfort her returns, even while lying in a hospital bed. "Do you know where they're gonna take us?"

"No, I don't." He tries to catch her eye but she won't look at him. "And that's the point. I can't know where you're going. If you have any contact with anyone, then he could track you."

She finally looks at him then, and her sadness is tinged with exasperation. "Jack has school. He has friends. I have a job now."

He doesn't know what else to say but: "I know. I'm sorry." He hopes he's conveying what he means, but it doesn't feel like enough. "We will catch him, and you'll come back, and I promise that I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

She nods minutely, and he takes the small comfort. "Are you sure that we're in danger?"

"Yes." There's little else he's been more sure of.

"And what about you?" she asks, her voice small. "Are you gonna be safe?"

He doesn't want to worry her, but he also doesn't want to lie. "He wants to see me suffer. Knowing that my son is out there and that I can't see him is better than killing me."

Her brow pinches and she pushes her short hair back from her forehead. "Jack wants to come in."

He tries to argue at first, not because he doesn't want to see him, but because it will only make it harder to let him go again, but eventually she convinces him to accede.

She leaves to go get him, and he leans back on the pillows, trying not to let himself sink inside.

Haley finds you in the waiting area, with Jack sitting on your lap, in the middle of a game of I Spy.

"Is he ready for him?" you whisper when you see her approach. She nods and you lift Jack off your lap and set him on his feet. "Off you go, buddy. Time to see Daddy."

"Yay!" he cheers before racing down the hall, you and Haley right behind him. She steers him into the correct room, and he jumps onto the bed before either of you can stop him.

There's a quiet chorus of 'be careful's before he grunts, "Don't worry. It's okay. The doctors made sure that I'm completely fine." He turns to the small boy with a smile you haven't seen in days. "Did Mommy tell you that you two are gonna take a trip?"

Jack nods once, moving his chin up and down dramatically. "Yeah."

"So I'm not gonna see you for a while."

Jack frowns. "Why?" The word sounds so small out of his mouth, and your heart cracks in your chest.

"Well, think about it like when Daddy goes away for work. Only this time you and Mommy get to go someplace."

Jack ponders this for a few seconds, before crawling up again and wrapping his arms around his dad's neck. "Are you okay?"

"I'm very proud of you." It's a father's answer. The kind of response that doesn't tell the truth, but hides the pain with love. "Every single day. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay."

Haley says another goodbye and grabs Jack's hand before leading him out of the room. She gives you another hug, squeezing extra tight for the last second. "It's not his fault."

"Of course it isn't," you whisper, letting her pull back.

"No," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I mean, don't let him blame himself for this."

He's one of the most stoic people you know, but he can also be so transparent sometimes. "I won't. I'll be here."

"He needs you," she says with a sad smile. "He's always needed you, but he especially needs you now."

She doesn't let you respond before she's tugging Jack down the hall. You watch as she exits the side door of the wing, and only turn back when you can't see her anymore. She's one of your longest friends, and you won't be able to see her or her son for god knows how long.

When you step back into the room, you stand at the foot of his bed, trying to gauge what he needs from you, but then you see his expression. Tears prick the corners of his eyes and his mouth twists as you rush forward and grab his hand, squeezing it between yours with the grip of someone holding onto a life preserver.

"They'll be okay," you whisper, trying to keep your own tears back. "We'll get through this."

He nods, his eyes still shining. You move to sit in the chair beside him, but he tugs you back, pulling you closer. You understand the desperate look in his eyes, the need for connection and comfort from someone you care about that you've seen in yourself on so many occasions.

Slipping your shoes off, you tuck the sheet into his side and carefully climb onto the little hospital bed, taking care to avoid any of the wires and tubes. Once you're sure you're not pulling on anything, you curl up beside him and wrap yourself around his arm. His skin is warmer than it was earlier, and you take solace in the fact that he's going to be okay. Maybe not now, but he will be.

Your breaths synchronize with his and you listen to the beeping of the heart monitor as your own heart rate calms down. There's a feeling tugging at your spine, filling you up and threatening to spill over, but you shove it down, knowing it will be too much right now. You don't have the words to describe the emotions circulating through your brain, so you stick with what you know. "I love you." It's quiet, barely a whisper, but you know he can hear you. "Thank you for staying alive."

"You're welcome," he whispers back, his voice barely audible over the monitor. "I love you too."

***

You leave the hospital the next morning with a plan. He's still asleep when you wake up, so you get up carefully and thank the nurses one more time before heading out.

You make two stops on the way to his apartment, and this time, you use your spare key to unlock the front door. The crime scene crew cleaned the blood off the floor, and you told Rossi to get them to spackle the hole in the wall, for at least a temporary fix, but there's still an air about the place. It was just starting to feel like his home, and now it's soiled, once again.

You shut the door behind you and drop your bags to the ground, surveying the place one last time for any damage or mess you missed earlier. When everything seems fine, you get to work.

An hour later, you slump back against the wall and toss the packet of instructions to the ground. In front of you is a freshly installed security system, with a door proximity sensor and keypad for when he leaves the house in a hurry.

You can already hear the arguments coming, but you don't care anymore. You won't be able to sleep knowing he's in here, all alone, without anything to keep Foyet from coming back and finishing the job.

For someone who has as little of a technical background as you do, you're impressed with how quickly you were able to get the system running, and you test it a couple of times, turning it on and off and checking the doors, before you finally pull his door closed and lock it behind you.

***

The doctors don't release him until the end of the week, but once he's able to walk again, he calls you to get him from the hospital. By the time he signs his discharge papers and makes the phone call, you're already almost there, and as much as he hates putting you out on a weekend, he can't help the satisfaction that rumbles through him.

The drive to his apartment is mostly silent, with him just trying to stay still as you take the turns carefully, and drive five under the speed limit. When you arrive, you hold the bag of salves and ointments for him as you take his arm, helping him down the hall and to his front door.

He moves to grab his key, but you stop him with a forceful "Wait!"

"I can unlock my own door," he grumbles, but you just shake your head, taking the key from him and turning it slowly in the lock. The moment it swings open, a loud beeping fills the air, and you rush forward to type something into the keypad by his door. Wait...keypad? "When did tha-"

"Before you argue," you jump in, clearly anticipating his disgruntlement, "it's for me, okay."

He raises an eyebrow and you glare at him, but there's no effort behind it. "I mean, it's obviously for you, but still...it's for my peace of mind too."

You're rambling makes him crack a smile for the first time in days, and he nods slowly. "Okay."

Your mouth snaps shut and you look at him with a meek smile. "Okay."

You help him get settled on the couch, and he waits there as you scrounge up some food from the kitchen. He's not sure he has anything perishable, but you manage to put together a comforting bowl of pasta with jarred tomato sauce that makes him feel a little more at home.

As the evening turns to night, he catches himself glancing at his watch more often than not, and eventually you catch on too.

"Is it time?" you ask, your voice gentle.

After a breath, he nods, and you reach across the coffee table to grab his bag of supplies from the doctor. You lay the salve and extra gauze on the table, and wait for him to make the next move, a decision he accepts gratefully.

He's been injured before. He knows how painful it is to sanitize a wound, and especially one as deep and grotesque as his. He just needs a few moments to accept the fact that he's...scared.

"I can do it," he says once he's ready, before reaching for the salve. The simple motion makes him wince and you jump in right away, grabbing it for him and undoing the top.

"Let me," you whisper, your words somewhere between a statement and a question. "Please."

He can already feel his stitches pulling, just from the simple act of swiveling his body to face you, so he gives in with a quick nod.

He doesn't look at you as he undoes the buttons of his shirt. He's not embarrassed - you've never pitied him, even at his lowest moments - but he needs the semblance of privacy as he exposes his injuries to the open air.

The air feels cold as he pulls his undershirt over his head, and you get to work immediately, peeling back the old layer of gauze as slowly as you can. The sections directly over his wounds stick slightly, and he grits his teeth against the pain as you gently tug them free, making sure to avoid pulling his stitches.

"Do you want a break?" you ask once the gauze has been fully removed. He shakes his head, needing this to be over as soon as possible, but when he meets your eyes, he sees them welling up with tears.

He glances down at his bare torso, his eyes darting over the jagged scars ranging from his stomach to his collarbone. Your breath stutters as you take it in with him, and he looks at you. "He made sure we'd match."

He sees you rapidly blinking away the tears that rush forward, and he wants to comfort you somehow, but he doesn't know what to do. You help him lean back on the armrest, so you can apply the salve around each of his injuries, and as your fingers press into his skin, he can't help but be reminded of his childhood. The pressure of your hands as you wrapped him with bandages, the warmth of your breath when you leaned in to inspect your work.

It's usually a sad memory when he thinks back to his childhood, but with you, it was always good. He watches as you slowly tape the new layer of gauze around his abdomen, and even as tears slide down your cheeks, the way you look at him doesn't change.

"All done," you whisper after pressing on the final pieces of tape. "How do you feel?"

Anxious. Terrified. Lonely. Guilty. "Good. Thank you."

***

"Hey, it's Emily."

"What's up, Em?" you say, your phone pressed between your ear and shoulder as you hop around, trying to get your shoes on before work.

"How was your weekend?"

You pause. "Fine?" The question isn't out of the ordinary, you're just not sure why she called to ask you that when she's going to be seeing you in person in about twenty minutes. "How was yours?"

"Oh, you know." She sounds distracted, and you feel a smile pull at your lips as you realize she's avoiding something.

"Em...is there a reason you called? You know, given that we're both on our way to the same place."

She clears her throat, and you hear the indecision in her voice, even over the phone. "I know this is kind of a weird question, but would you mind if I picked up Hotch for work this morning. I left late last night, so JJ was able to brief me early, and I figured he could use a headstart."

You stop your movements, straightening up and lifting your hand to your cell. It's not at all what you were expecting her to say, but that's not all you're confused about. "Yeah, of course. You don't have to ask me first, though. We're all teammates."

She makes an little noise that you don't recognize. "Yeah...but you two are different."

You don't know what to say to that, so you just wait for her to keep going. Emily was never very good at uncomfortable silences, so after a few moments, she's back. "Anyway...I'll grab Hotch and see you in 30?"

You try to hide your grin, even though no one can see you. "Sounds like it."

"Bye."

The phone clicks off, and you tuck it back into your pocket, still smiling. You're already in a better mood than normal, because after 34 days of medical leave, Aaron comes back to work today.

You finish clasping your shoe and head out the door, more relaxed this time. With Emily picking up Aaron, you're not in a rush anymore. You take the drive at a leisurely pace, and when you arrive at the office, you run into Spencer by the front of the building.

"Wait up!" you call out, jogging over to him before he gets in the elevator. "Let me get that." You slide the strap of his book bag off his shoulder and sling it onto yours. He nods in thanks and tucks his crutch under his arm as he presses the button for your floor.

"I thought I'd be used to the crutches by now, but I keep tripping over everything." You scrunch your brow with amusement as he frowns down at his leg. "The doctors say it's healing well, though."

The elevator doors open and you step in front of him to get the door across the hall. "Does it hurt?"

He shrugs. "It really only hurts when I think about it, which is pretty much all the time."

The statement isn't exactly comical, but his deadpan tone makes you snort as you hold the door, and he smiles as he passes by you. You follow him to Garcia's lair, and she perks up upon seeing the both of you.

"My babies," she grins, pulling out a chair for Spencer. "Sit, sit."

You let out a laugh as you place his bag on the floor next to him. "I'm older than you."

"Who's counting?" she throws back, typing something furiously into her computer. She turns around a moment later, just in time to swat Spencer's hand away from the tin of cookies sitting on her table. "No, no, no."

"What?" he complains, gaping at her.

She swats him again, before pulling the tin away from him. "Get away, you. These are for Hotch."

"Butterscotch?" you ask, glancing down at the box. His preference for butterscotch cookies was something you used to tease him about when you were kids. Butterscotch Hotch.

Penelope nods and lifts the edge of the lid, implicitly offering you a cookie. When you take one, Spencer throws his hands up into the air. "Why does she get one? I get shot in the leg and I still don't get any cookies."

You laugh and break off half of your cookie, which he takes from you the moment it's in your palm. He stuffs the entire thing into his mouth, not bothering to swallow it before he pipes up again. "You know he's gonna hate the attention."

"It's cookies," Garcia pouts, "not cake."

Spencer shrugs. "He's probably gonna pretend like nothing happened, anyway."

"Well, it doesn't mean we have to."

You don't know how to weigh in to this discussion, mostly because you know more about how he's feeling than they do, but also because the idea of speculating on his recovery without him here feels like a betrayal.

"What do you think?"

You look up and realize that Spencer was directing this question to you. Swallowing down the last bit of your cookie, you cough once to clear your throat. "I think he's been through a lot, but sometimes coming back to work is the best way to take your mind off of things. Foyet was in his home. I don't think staring at the same walls that used to have bullet holes in them is exactly healthy either."

Spencer and Penelope both stare at you for a moment, before nodding and looking down. They remind you of two children who have just been reprimanded, and you smile to soften the sentiment. "I love you guys for caring about this, but we just have to trust that he's okay."

"Yeah," Penelope nods, reaching forward to squeeze your hand. "Are you okay? This can't have been easy for you, either."

"I'm fine," you say too quickly. "Nothing happened to me." It's not a lie, exactly. You weren't the one who was stabbed. Nine times. "I've just been keeping him company after work, and helping with some of his post-hospital care checklist."

"He's lucky to have you," Penelope says softly, to which Spencer nods.

"He was great too after I got shot," you add, feeling oddly defensive of your friendship. "He stayed with me for a long time when my dad was gone."

She smiles at you sadly, before holding the tin out for you. "Want another cookie?"

You let out a weak laugh as Spencer chuffs behind you, and you shake your head. "No thanks."

"Do you think he'll like them?" Her voice sounds earnest, and you nod, knowing what it's like to want so desperately to understand someone who's as closed off as he seems at times.

"Spence, Y/N, there you guys are."

You turn around to see JJ, her face lined with tension. "Are you ready for us?"

She nods. "Grab your go bag."

***

He's been erratic all day. When he snapped at Garcia earlier for missing the antipsychotics link, you wanted to throttle him, especially when you remembered the cookies she had waiting for him in her office.

The thought that maybe Spencer was right keeps flashing through your mind as you watch him get frustrated with everyone, including himself. When you all arrive at the Darrin Call's father's house, where he and a young boy he kidnapped are waiting, Aaron instructs Emily to speak with the lieutenant on scene to figure out what you're dealing with.

"The kid's in there," you hear him say, "We've got this. Tactical teams are covering the exits. Call needs a distraction. He's focused on the old man."

Emily glances back at the house as she ties her hair back. "For now. But we're gonna have to figure out the safest way to get that kid out."

"I've got a team in the back and one on the way. We're going to infiltrate."

"You do that and someone else dies."

The man just shrugs. "Either Call or a child murderer...flip a coin."

"It doesn't have to end like that." You can see how hard she's trying to make the lieutenant understand, but sometimes the locals just don't listen. "We get a confession out of Jarvis and he goes away, and Call gets his answers. No one else has to die."

There's movement behind you and you turn around at the last second as Aaron stalks past you and towards the house.

"Hotch," you call out, but he doesn't look back. "Aaron. Aaron!"

He's almost at the front door, and your feet start moving without you realizing it. You make it within a few feet of the front gate before two pairs of arms seize you from behind, halting your momentum.

"Let him go," Dave whispers as he and Derek release you. "We have to trust him."

"He's not thinking straight," you grit out, unable to tear your eyes away from the closed door as you step forward again. He wasn't wearing his vest, and you can't remember if you saw his gun in his holster. You close your eyes, wracking your brain. Think, goddamnit.

Derek grabs you again as you try to make a break for it, anticipating your movements before you even know what you're doing. "Rossi's right. We have to trust him. We can't help him if we rush inside now."

"We can't help him out here either!" Your voice sounds frenzied in your ears, but he doesn't loosen his grip, even as you try to shove him off of you.

"You know we're right." He looks at you sternly, and your resolve diminishes as reason starts to set in. "Going inside will only make it worse."

Emily comes up from behind you and takes your arm, leading you back to the street in front of the house. You back up, but you don't turn around, ready to rush in the moment anything changes.

"What's he doing?" she asks Derek, her voice quiet, like she doesn't want you to hear.

"Stalling," he says simply. "He's got nothing to lose."

Your breath catches and you lift your hand to your chest, clutching the top of your vest like it's a lifeline. You want to scream at them, scream that he has everything to lose. He has a son, and an ex-wife who loves him, and he has you.

"You got the shot?"

"Negative."

He suddenly appears in the front of the door, but you can tell he's angling his body to block the visual of the shot. What is he doing?

The door opens for a split second, and the little boy runs down the porch and into the arms of one of the SWAT members. It shuts as fast as it opened up, and you only manage to see his face for a moment before he disappears into the house again.

For a minute, there's only silence, until the air is pierced with the sound of three gunshots, one after the other. Your body visibly flinches and you throw yourself forward and over the gate, pulling out your gun at the last moment as you breach the front door.

When you storm into the living room, Aaron is putting cuffs on Darrin. The father is dead in his recliner at the center of the room.

"What happened?" Dave asks from behind you.

He purses his lips. "I couldn't stop him." It's then that he finally looks up at you, but all you can do is glare. You don't know if you've ever been angrier in your life, and definitely not at him.

His brow dips with a mix of confusion and remorse, but you just stuff your gun back in its holster, spin around, and stalk out of the house. The fresh air outside feels like a welcome respite from the emotions swirling around inside of you, and you turn your face to the sky as your brain fires off millions of questions at once.

When did he get so reckless?

Is this all because of Foyet? The need to feel like he's getting something done, with his family on lockdown?

He comes out of the house then, and you're practically shaking from the relief that he is okay, but the anger isn't fading. You can feel it flooding your veins with each breath you take.

He hands Call off and approaches you slowly, stopping in front of you with a look you don't recognize.

"This is the job," he says simply, his voice almost cold. "You know what you signed up for."

"I know what I signed up for?" Your face twists with disbelief and you look at him with contempt. "Fuck you, Hotch." His face drops slightly and it only feeds your fight. You know him better than anyone else in this world, and that also means you know exactly how far you can push him until he cracks.

"This is what we do." His voice is tight, and you see your anger reflected in his eyes. "You knew that when you joined the team."

Emily and Dave exit the house, and you can feel their eyes flickering over to you, but you can't bring yourself to care right now.

"No," you grit out, shaking your head. "You don't get to be angry with me. You don't get to say that to me."

He looks at you for a beat before his face falls and you see all the fight leave him. He sighs, his brow pinching. "You're right."

You can practically see the war going on inside his head. The battle between fear and action, where there are no winners.

You nod as you look down at the ground, and he reaches forward to take your hand. He squeezes it tightly, before lifting it to his chest. "Y/N." I love you, I'm sorry.

You nod. "I know." I'm sorry too.

***

You've been looking at the text JJ sent you for the better part of an hour. Something's going on. Strauss was in Hotch's office and it looked bad.

You're reminded of his suspension and the two long weeks you worked here without him, and you internally resolve that it won't be happening again if you have any say at all.

The next morning, you're one of the last people to arrive, and you walk into a conversation that Spencer is having with Emily at his desk.

"You're not gonna believe this," he says, turning to you and lifting his hands dramatically. "Some moron just posted a blog called 'What would Carl Sagan do?' and it's completely illogical."

"L/N, what did I miss?"

You spin around to see Derek strutting into the bullpen, his phone held up in his hand.

"What do you mean?" you ask with a frown.

He looks at you expectantly, and you start to feel like you're on the outside of something you should know. "All the emails from Hotch..."

You yank your phone from your pocket and refresh your email. "I don't have any new ones."

"Me neither," Reid chimes in from next to you.

Derek doesn't wait another moment before he's barreling past you and up the stairs to Aaron's office.

"What was that about?" Spencer asks, a confused look on his face.

"I don't know," you say honestly, "but I think we're gonna find out soon."

"You wanted to see me?"

He nods and you step into his office, shutting the door behind you. Ever since his private conversation with Derek this morning, you've been obnoxiously curious about what's been going on with the team, but you also know when not to overstep your boundaries.

"Take a seat." He beckons to the couch on the far wall, and he sits down across from you when you plop down. "We have to talk about something."

"If you say Strauss suspended you again-" He cuts you off with a lift of his hand. You look at him sheepishly and nod. "You were saying..."

"This is going to sound odd, but just hear me out." You're starting to get worried, but he doesn't look anxious, so that's a start. You nod, and he continues. "The bureau thinks that my ability to lead this team has been compromised. They've been questioning me since Foyet's attack, and they're not entirely wrong."

You want to refute this, but you've also been questioning some of his actions as of late. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean that you won't have his back if it comes down to it. "They can't fire you. The whole team will fight back if they even try."

He looks at you with something that resembles concern. Concern? "They won't fire me...because I'm stepping down."

"What?" you burst out, unable to help your volume. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm resigning as unit chief at the end of the week, but I'm not leaving this team."

You think you have an idea of where this is going, but his eyes are still tracking your movements, like they do when he's worried about how you'll react. You don't know how it could get much worse than this, but then you realize he hasn't told you who will be replacing him.

"I told Morgan to take my place until we catch Foyet."

There it is. You don't expect it to sting as much as it does. "Oh."

Your voice sounds small to your own ears, and you clear your throat to keep the emotion out. This isn't a personal decision, it's professional. If Strauss was telling you this now, it probably wouldn't faze you. So why does it hurt coming from him?

"Strauss wasn't happy with your decision to not take the New York position," he explains, his eyes finding yours. "You know I think you deserve more leadership roles. It was her that suggested Morgan for it, and I couldn't argue when she was already so unsure about letting me promote internally."

"I get it," you nod. Your tone a bit sharper than expected, even though you understand where the decision came from. Derek deserves this position too. "I do, I promise."

He raises his eyebrows with a check in, and after a moment, you finally nod. It's okay. We're good.

"I'll see you in the morning?"

You dip your chin. "Good night."

***

"I can't believe Hotch is stepping down."

Penelope, Emily, Spencer, and JJ are all unabashedly watching Derek as he briefs Strauss on the case he chose for today. You've been trying not to look, but every few minutes, something snags your attention.

"Morgan said it's business as usual," Emily adds, her brow furrowed as she watches them converse.

Penelope doesn't seem eased. "So we're just supposed to move forward without any discussion?"

Spencer shrugs. "After Foyet, I think we'd have to be ready for anything."

Derek finishes speaking with Strauss then, and you stand up as he asks Emily to call Rossi for the briefing. He looks official with his ironed button-down, and you can't help but wonder if he's trying to emulate Aaron.

You flash him a cheeky smile as he walks towards the conference room, but he just brushes past you.

Derek steps into his new role effectively, and you even notice him provide extra feedback to everyone throughout the case. Hotch has a bit of a difficult time stepping down at first, but you know it comes from habit, not distrust.

When you're back at the office later that night, you look up to see that he is still in his office, furiously jotting something down, even though his responsibilities have been greatly diminished. You don't know why you expected the demotion to make him want to cut back a bit.

Derek is the only person still in the bullpen when you take a seat again. You finished up the last of your paperwork, so you start to pack up your stuff, but then your interaction from earlier crosses your mind again.

Latching your bag closed, you stand up and perch on the edge of Derek's desk. "Hey, boss, how's the responsibility feel?"

"Fine," he mutters, his tone snippier than you've ever heard it.

"A lot more paperwork than you were expecting, huh?"

He doesn't look at you, so you reach forward to tap the back of his hand. "Derek, come on, what's going on with you?"

You brace for him to snap at you again, but then he just sighs, setting his pen down. "You're not angry with me, right?"

"What?" You don't know where this is coming from, seeing as how he's been the one who's been avoiding you all day. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Why?" he repeats, his face twisted with disbelief. "I basically stole this position out from under you."

You shake your head forcefully, putting your hand over his on the desk. "Not even close, hon. Anything on my end was bureau politics, but that's just one side of it. You deserve this just as much as I would have. You've even been at the BAU longer than I have."

He's silent for a moment, before he turns his hand under yours and clasps it gently. You give his hand a squeeze before bringing your other one up to his cheek. "You're doing a great job. You were an amazing leader out there today. Hotch picked you well."

Derek leans into your hand for a beat, before letting out another sigh. "Thanks."

"Seriously, Derek," you say with a smile. "This might have been one of his best professional decisions yet."

That makes him laugh, before shaking his head. "Nah, his best decision was bringing you to this team."

Your chest fills with warmth and you lean forward to pull him into a hug. His arms are strong as they wrap around you, and you settle into the hug, turning away from the office light upstairs and trying to ignore the fact that Aaron hasn't looked up from his desk since you started talking.

***

"Agent Hotchner, before you go, there's one final thing I'd like to share with you."

Karl Arnold, the Fox, has been taunting each of you throughout the whole day, and right when you finally thought you were done, he drew you right back in. You follow Hotch and Prentiss back into the interrogation room.

"So you think you found my admirer."

"No," Aaron says simply. "We found the killer."

Arnold grins. "With my help, of course."

"Your admirer is exactly like everyone who contacts you..." Emily sneers, "lost."

Arnold turns to her, and the look in his eyes makes your skin crawl. "My love, your guy is far from lost."

Hotch shakes his head, turning to the door. "We're done."

"So is he." All three of you spin back around, much to his amusement. "'Look at what I have done.' It's quite brilliant, you know?"

"We will find whoever sent you that."

"No, Agent Hotchner, I rather think he's already found you."

Aaron immediately starts flipping through the file on the table, shoving pictures and papers aside as he searches for something. Something about Arnold's tone sends your mind reeling and you grab the journal in front of you and start flipping through it as well.

"What's going on?" Emily asks, coming up behind you.

Arnold just laughs. "He's torturing him."

"Who?"

He ignores her. "It's great to see you squirm, Agent Hotchner."

You reach one of the bookmarked pages, and the symbol that greets you almost makes you drop the journal. "Aaron..."

His eyes snap to your hands as his skin turns white. "Foyet."

The three of you rush out of the interrogation room, accompanied by the disturbing sound of Arnold's laughter echoing behind you.

Just before the door shuts behind you, you hear his final words. "He knew you'd come."

***

The whole team spends days with only one goal in mind: find and capture Foyet. JJ works with you and Garcia to track prescription medications that he would be on given his self-inflicted injuries, and Spencer, Emily, and Aaron put together a geographic profile using the letters from the Fox and the proximity of nearby pharmacies. Derek's role as acting unit chief keeps him busy all on its own, but he manages to keep the team on track as he turns any new cases that come in to other teams.

When JJ returns from a local pharmacy with the discovery that many prescription meds have over-the-counter alternatives, the focus shifts. Garcia narrows down the list, and brings back a list of names that is way too long to feasibly question.

"153 names," you huff, leaning over her shoulder as she scrolls down the list.

Emily frowns. "Well, he's not gonna use his own name."

"What kind of aliases should we be looking for?"

You all consider this, before Derek chimes in. "He could have easily stolen someone's identity."

Hotch shuts that idea down immediately. "No, he's a narcissist in love with his own mythology. He'd use a name connected with the case."

"A victim, maybe," you guess, "or a cop?"

Garcia doesn't find anything on the initial search, but thankfully Spencer suggests another approach. "Guys, Foyet likes things to have meaning to him. The eye of providence, the addresses in blood he wrote on the bus that led us back to him. Maybe he's doing the same thing with the alias."

Emily frowns. "Like an anagram or something?"

Spencer walks over to the white board and writes out George Foyet, before fiddling around with the spellings of possible anagrams. You walk up behind him and follow his movements along the board. "You see something, Spence?"

He shakes his head. "Not yet."

"Spencer," you interrupt as the realization comes to you, "he named himself The Reaper."

He pauses for a beat, before switching over to scrawling out possible anagrams for The Reaper instead. After a moment, he's done. "Peter Rhea."

Penelope is already searching. "There's a Peter Rhea in Arlington."

Rossi nods, a satisfied look on his face. "We found him."

***

Garcia sends out the address of an apartment in his name, and you drive over with Hotch, who doesn't say a word the whole way over. You keep glancing at him, trying to be discreet, but the tension in his posture doesn't fade, even after the breakthrough.

The apartment ends up being empty, but when you all go inside, there's a laptop sitting on the center table. Emily dials Garcia the moment you realize that the files on it are being remotely deleted, and when she hacks in, she comes across a series of surveillance photos that make you gasp out loud. "Oh my god, isn't that-"

"That's the US Marshall protecting my family." His face looks frozen with stress as he dials Marshall Kassmeyer's number. When the call goes to voicemail, Aaron stalks out of the apartment and to the SUVs parked out front. He doesn't wait for you to get in, before he's already driving off.

"Where is he going?" Emily calls out as she exits the building behind you.

"Kassmeyer's house," you say, almost certain that you're correct. With the knowledge that his family is most likely in immediate danger, there is nothing anyone could do to stop him from trying to save them. "I'm gonna follow him."

"Here," Rossi says, tossing his car keys to you. You accept them gratefully and speed off down the road.

Kassmeyer is bleeding out when you get to his house. Aaron is already inside, trying to get him to explain what happened, and when he describes how Foyet taunted him and stabbed him, you resist the urge to take Aaron's hand.

"Sam," he says suddenly, leaning over him. "I need to understand. Does he know where Jack and Haley are?"

Your heart rate skyrockets as Kassmeyer mumbles another apology. If Foyet knows where they are, you don't know if any of you will be able to get there in time.

The paramedics rush in then, and they carry Sam out to the awaiting ambulance as he refuses sedation. Aaron runs out after them and throws himself into the back of the ambulance before you can catch up.

Without any new leads, there's nowhere for you to go, so you wait out front in your SUV as you wrack your brain for where Foyet would have told Haley and Jack to go. You don't know how long it takes until another agent calls you from the hospital with the news that Marshall Kassmeyer died in surgery.

The news hits you like a ton of bricks. One more body you can attribute to The Reaper. "Is Agent Hotchner there?"

The voice is tinny over the line. "He took one of the SUVs and left a few minutes ago."

"Where?" You can hear how frantic your voice sounds, but you don't care. "Where did he go?"

"I'm not sure," the agent says. "He sped away before anyone could ask."

You hang up the phone and turn the car on, before pulling onto the street and calling the team line. Garcia picks up on the first ring.

"Sam died in surgery," you explain as you turn at the end of the street. "Hotch is already gone, but I'm gonna go to the hospital now in case someone has more info."

"Okay, honey," she says, patching in the rest of the team. When they answer, she repeats your statement, before she gets cut off. "Guys, Hotch is calling Foyet."

"Patch us in," Derek instructs over the line, before going silent. You mute yourself as well, before turning back to the road.

"Agent Hotchner."

Foyet's voice makes you nauseous, and you can practically hear the grin behind his words.

"If you touch her..." Aaron doesn't even finish the threat, but you can feel the rage within it.

"Be gentle, like I was with you?"

Your eyes prick with tears as you remember the scars that are now a permanent fixture on his body. The matching scars. The idea of Haley ending up the same way, or Jack-

"What the hell took you so long?" Foyet complains, his tone playful. "I was beginning to think this phone was dead or something."

Aaron doesn't answer him, and the anger is almost palpable over the line.

"Why so quiet? You usually lash out when you're frustrated."

"I'm not frustrated," he finally responds. "You're more predictable than you think."

"Am I?"

He starts to recount the tale of Foyet's life, weaving in details that you didn't know from his childhood and the pain he was causing before he was even old enough to drive. You suppose this was what all of those late nights at the office were for. You hope they were worth it.

"That's the thing, George," he continues, his voice suddenly softer. It's like he's pleading with him. "This isn't a fairy tale. You don't have to write this story. Haven't you gotten what you wanted?"

There's silence for a few moments, and you can hear your heartbeat in your skull. Eventually Foyet comes back. "You know what I've been thinking? Haley looks pretty good with dark hair."

Your heart falls into your stomach. He has her. He already has her.

"She's lost some weight. Must be all the stress you caused her."

Just when you think that might be the worst of it, he continues. "Where's the little man? Oh. There he is. Does he like Captain America because of you?"

He has them both. You can barely see the road through the anger and fear that is coursing through your veins. Another phone rings and Foyet answers it, leaving his line with Hotch on as well. "Mrs. Hotchner. I'm here. Open the gate and I'll drive in."

You can't hear her reply, before Foyet returns to the call you're listening to. "Aaron? I really gotta go."

The call disconnects, and you can't breathe. Open the gate. The gate. What gate?

Think, think, goddamnit think.

The answer hits you like a truck. "His house. They're at his old house."

Emily whispers something that sounds like "shit" and you swerve across the lanes to make a u-turn. "I'm heading there now."

Assuming Aaron was already heading back after leaving the hospital, he would reach the house before any of you. You can only hope he'll be there in time.

Your knuckles have turned white from how hard you're gripping the steering wheel, and when Garcia patches you all in for another call from Foyet, the tears are already flowing down your cheeks.

"Aaron?"

It's Haley's voice. You gasp out loud from the relief that she's still alive.

"You're okay?" She sounds so scared, but at least she's alive. That's all you can focus on right now.

Aaron answers with a defeated sigh. "I'm fine."

"But...he said that..." The realization hits her, and she lets out a small sob. "Oh, Aaron."

"He can hear us, right?"

"Yes."

His voice is softer then, wet with tears. "I am so sorry. Haley, show him no weakness, no fear."

"I know." Of course she does. She was married to a profiler for years. She knows what all of this means, but she doesn't deserve any of it. "Sam told me all about him. Is he, uh..."

"No," he says gently. "Sam is fine."

Foyet's voice is like the hiss of a snake as it joins the call. "Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Is that why your marriage broke up, because you're a liar?" His voice is too close to the phone. You want to scream for him to get away from her, but you're not supposed to be listening, and your car isn't moving fast enough.

"He's trying to scare you, Haley." His voice is trembling, and you can hear the tightness behind each of his words.

When Foyet mentions the deal, your stomach roils with nausea. You can picture the exact look on Aaron's face as he blames himself for this entire situation, even though it's happening to him, not because of him.

"Don't react."

Haley's voice is shaking too as she whispers, "What is he talking about?"

"Tell Jack I need him working the case."

"What?" She sounds confused, and that's when you remember the signal he told you about. The words that only Jack knows that are meant to keep him safe from situations exactly like this.

"Tell Jack I need him working the case," he repeats, his voice steadier. But all of it goes away the moment Haley hands her son the phone.

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hi, buddy." His voice cracks and you feel your heart crack with it. The tears are rushing down your cheeks now, and you wipe them out of your eyes with the back of your hand as you get closer to the house. But not close enough.

Aaron tells him to work the case again, and he gives Haley a hug before rushing out of the room.

"He's so cute. He's like a little junior G-Man." Foyet chuckles, before yelling out. "I'll be right up, Jackie boy!"

Aaron ignores him, and you feel his focus return. "Is he gone?"

"Yes." Haley's voice is strong, and you release a single sigh of relief as you press the gas pedal down as hard as you can.

Aaron's voice returns and you can hear the anguish as he speaks. "You're so strong, Haley. You're stronger than I ever was."

"You'll hurry, right?" The fear in her voice breaks your heart, and you want to assure her that you're all doing everything you can, but you're still a few streets away.

"I know you didn't sign on for this."

Neither did you.

She echoes your thoughts. "Neither did you."

His voice breaks into a sob. "I'm sorry for everything."

"Promise me that you will tell him how we met and how you used to make me laugh."

"Haley..."

"He needs to know that you weren't always so serious, Aaron." Her words sound so final, and you can't imagine what Foyet is pointing at her right now, but you can only hope that Aaron gets there before it's too late. "I want him to believe in love, because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him." She sounds almost resolute, and your body floods with hope for a split second. "Promise me."

His breathing is ragged as he whispers, "I promise."

Three gunshots ring out and the wheel jerks in your hand as a painful sob wrenches from your throat. No, no, no.

You race out of your car the moment you pull to a stop in front of the house. There's only one other SUV outside, and you don't give yourself a moment to think as you rush inside, lifting your gun at the last second.

The front foyer is empty, but then a jagged thumping fills the air and you dart around the corner to find Aaron beating Foyet to a pulp. You can tell from where you're standing that he's already dead, but that doesn't seem to matter to him.

"Aaron!" you yell, hoping to break his reverie. His hands are covered in blood as he pounds the man's face in, and he doesn't look up until you grab him from behind and yank his arms back. "Aaron, he's dead. He's dead."

He stops moving, and for one single second, everything is still. Then his body pitches forward and he breaks down as he sobs, his hands coming up like he's begging for the pain to go away.

You clutch him as tightly as you can, like if you hold him close enough, he won't fall apart. You can hear the voices of your teammates as they enter the house, but then his head lifts and he pulls himself up, dashing down the hall. You follow after him, rushing past Morgan and Rossi, and you realize where he's going in real time as he runs into his office and kneels down beside his desk.

Please, please, not him. Just not him. He opens the cabinet and you all share a gasp of relief as Jack's little face peeks out, his skin unmarred.

"I worked the case, Daddy. Just like you said."

Aaron reaches in and picks him up, before squeezing him tightly, his little face glancing around the room in confusion.

"You did a great job, buddy." He releases him after a few moments, before handing him off to JJ to go outside and away from the carnage littering the house. You press a kiss to his forehead before she lifts him up and walks out of the room.

Emily looks at you then, concern flashing in her eyes, but you just nod, and she follows JJ, pulling the door closed behind her.

You turn back around just in time to catch Aaron as he collapses to the floor. The weight sends you both to your knees, and he crushes you to him as you hold him as tightly as you can. His sobs mix in with your own, and you try not to let your body shake from the force of your crying, because you need to be strong for him.

He buries his face into your neck, his tears mixing with the blood on his face as it soaks your shirt and vest.

"I'm so sorry," you whisper into his hair. It doesn't feel like enough, but there's nothing else to say. "I'm so sorry."

Derek and Emily come back with the paramedics eventually to take him outside to check for injuries, and you're about to follow after them when something catches your eye. A pair of feet invade your periphery as you glance through a doorway down the hall. Oh god.

Your knees buckle and Derek catches you before you stumble forward into her room. You fall to your knees beside her, and you vaguely hear Emily whisper something behind you before there's just silence.

Her eyes are already closed, and if you really wanted to, you could try to pretend that she was just sleeping, but there's too much blood. You reach out to push her short hair back from her forehead, so that you can see her face one last time. One last time.

A sob rips out of you and you take her hand, pressing it to your lips. The scene is suddenly too much, and you close your eyes before letting out a shaky breath. You don't know what your life is going to look like without her presence. What Aaron's life with look like, or Jack's.

You squeeze her hand again before laying it on her stomach, and Emily comes forward then to help you up. Derek holds the door open as she leads you outside, and helps you tear your vest off the moment you hit the fresh afternoon air.

You bend over, hands on your knees, gulping back fresh air and trying not to throw up. Emily pats your back as you take in deep breaths, rubbing comforting circles that help to calm down your heart rate.

When you look up, you spot Aaron sitting on the edge of an ambulance. The medics are cleaning his cuts, and one of them is holding an ice pack to his head, when you walk over to survey the damage.

He doesn't look up when you approach, instead staring at his bloody hands with a look you can't discern. You can't imagine what he must be thinking right now, but if you know him at all, you know that sometimes you don't need to talk.

You reach down and take his hands, holding them in yours with a tight grip that forces him to look at you. Neither of you says anything, but it's okay, because there is nothing left to say. There will be soon, but not right now.

***

"We'll be back in a couple of hours," Jess tells you as she slings her purse over her shoulder.

You nod at her as you pick Jack off the ground and swing him up into your arms. "Take your time. We'll be hanging out here."

Aaron beckons for Jess to walk out in front of him before he dips his chin at you. "Thank you again."

"Of course," you smile, shaking your head. They're going to make the last arrangements for the funeral, and the absolute least you can do is watch Jack while they're away.

"Can we watch cartoons?" Jack asks the moment the front door shuts behind them.

"Soon, baby," you laugh lightly, before placing him on the ground and leading him to the kitchen. "We gotta make lunch first."

You throw together two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and bring them to the breakfast table, where Jack is obediently scribbling away at his coloring book. "Here you go, Jack-o-lantern."

He takes a massive bite before you can sit down, but over the next ten minutes, he only manages to finish about half of the sandwich. "I'm done."

"You sure?" you ask, scrunching your face into a playful frown. "I think you got at least a couple more bites in you."

He shakes his head forcefully, before dropping the sandwich onto his plate. You know he doesn't usually eat much, but he hasn't eaten since breakfast hours ago. "Come on, hon, at least another big bite."

"No!" he yells, pushing the plate away from him. Before you can stop him, he jumps off of his chair and races out of the kitchen, towards his bedroom.

You hear the door slam shut behind him, and you heave out a sigh before clearing away both of your plates and wiping down the counter. You don't fault him for anything, you just can't believe he has to go through something like this.

He's so young. Younger than you were when you lost your mom. There's some comfort in the fact that he likely won't remember this pain when he's older, but then comes the nausea. The sickening reminder that one day he'll forget about her. Haley, his mother, your best friend's wife, your friend.

You slowly make your way to his room, knocking on the door twice before calling out his name. When he doesn't answer, you twist the knob and gently open the door. "Jack?"

He doesn't say anything as you cross the room and sit on the floor in front of him. He's fiddling around with a set of colorful wooden blocks, and he only looks at you once you pick one up yourself. The edges have been worn smooth from being tossed around, and you run your fingers against them as you wait for him to speak.

"Did Mommy want to leave?"

You can practically hear your heart crack in two as the block falls from your hand. Tears spring to your eyes, but you blink them back, not wanting to scare him.

"No, baby, no," you say quickly, reaching forward to rub your thumb over his cheek. "She loved you more than anything in this world."

He still doesn't look convinced, so you rest your palms on his cheeks, trying to get him to look at you. "If it was her choice, she would have never left you."

After a moment, his lips jut out into a pout, but he nods once. "Is Daddy gonna leave too?"

The tears rush forward again. You want to tell him that Aaron would never leave him, that he may be gone most nights until after Jack is asleep, and sometimes even before he's up for breakfast, but he would never leave. But you also know that Haley didn't want to either, but sometimes the job takes more than you're willing to give. "He's not going to leave you. Not if he can help it."

That seems to calm him down for the time being, so you take his hand and lead him back to the living room. Once he's situated on the couch, you switch on his cartoons for him, turning the volume down low.

He settles into the cushion next to you, his arm resting on your thigh as he focuses on the screen in front of him, while your eyes wander down to the small tv stand. They land on a framed photo of Haley and Jess together, smiling at the camera as the sun shines down on their faces, and you lift your hand to your mouth to stifle the tears that rush forward.

When your eyes pan over to the photo of you and her, with Aaron and Jess right behind you, the tears stream down your cheeks, and you wipe them away quickly, trying to be quiet so as not to call away Jack's attention. But the cartoons are too quiet, and when a small sob escapes, Jack looks up, his brow furrowing with a look reminiscent of his father. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, baby," you nod, forcing a smile onto your face as you look down at him and press a kiss to his temple. "I just loved your mom very much."

***

The ground is still wet from the rain. It squelches beneath your feet as Jess clutches onto your arm, letting you lead her across the cemetery for the service.

You walk behind the pallbearers as they bring Haley to the top of the open grass and set her down carefully with a reverence that brings tears to your eyes again. You don't know if your eyes have been dry at any moment today, but the tears haven't spilled over yet. It's only a matter of time.

Aaron is ahead of everyone, looking down at the small sheet of paper in his hands, with Jack by his side. The young boy looks so small in his suit, and his eyes dart around the procession with a mix of confusion and sadness that pierces your chest.

When Aaron is ready to begin, Jessica lets go and walks up to stand on his other side, tears streaming silently down her cheeks. Your arm feels cold where she used to be, but it doesn't last long as another hand takes its place. You turn your head to see Spencer, one hand on his cane, and the other on your arm, as he holds you tightly to his side, his eyes brimming with tears as well. You don't expect that there's a dry eye in the crowd.

Aaron starts his speech with a quote, but the steadiness in his voice starts to waver the moment he says her name. "Haley was my best friend since we were in high school."

You remember how fiercely he loved her, even back then. The tenacity with which he pursued her when he realized that she was someone he wanted to spend his life with.

His voice continues as his eyes dip down. "We certainly had our struggles, but if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack." Your tears surface again, but you suck them back with a deep breath. "Haley's love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today."

Aaron looks up then, and his eyes land on the casket in front of him. "A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature. And we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life."

His hand flexes at his side, and you wish desperately that you were up there with him, holding his hand like he held yours when your mother died.

"I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him and how much I loved her."

His voice breaks and he reaches into his pocket for the scrap of paper he was looking at earlier. "I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school's production of 'The Pirates of Penzance'. I found our copy of the play and was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment."

The quote comes back to you as he recites it, and your mind flashes back to those adolescent afternoons when you would watch him make a fool of himself trying to impress Haley at play practice. You can't help yourself as the tears finally fall, and you feel Spencer squeeze your hand tightly, acting as the lifeline you so earnestly need.

When he finishes his speech, everyone comes forward to place white roses on her casket before it is lowered into the ground. You wait as the crowd slowly dissipates, as everyone heads to the repast, and you hold Jess's hand while Aaron picks Jack up, holding him tightly.

"Blow Mommy a kiss," he whispers, before leaning over to let Jack place a rose on the casket.

His brow furrows as he straightens again, and you watch as the familiar stoicism returns to his posture. He isn't pushing all of his emotions down, exactly. He's just tucking them away, so as to be there for his son, who needs a solid figure in his life, now more than ever.

And that's what he'll be.

***

The repast is bustling with people from all eras of Haley's life, and you sit with the team at a large table, staring at your plate of food. When Dave pulls Aaron outside to talk, you watch them leave, noting the stiffness in his shoulders as he's forced to leave Jack with Jess again. She has been nothing but grateful to see her nephew more often than usual, but nonetheless, he wears his guilt like a jagged scar across his face.

Penelope clutches your hand under the table and you give her a weak nod, unable to do more with all of the energy drained from you.

"It was a beautiful service," Emily says, her eyes big and soft as they look at you.

You nod again, before turning back to your full plate. You can't bear the thought of stomaching any food right now.

Then just when you think the day can't get any worse, Derek and JJ's phones chirp with a message at the same time. No. No.

"They can't be calling us in," Emily sighs, her lips thinning, "not tonight."

JJ shakes her head. "I'm on it." She returns from her phone call a minute later with a forlorn look. "There's no other team available."

Derek gets up with a sigh. "I'll get Rossi."

When he returns with Dave, leaving Aaron alone on the deck, you squeeze Penelope's hand before walking outside. The air is cold, and you wrap your shawl tighter around your shoulders as you approach him.

"It's okay," he says before you can open your mouth. "I'll see you when you get back."

Mind reader, you think for a split second.

He has already given you the blessing you assumed you needed when you came out here, but it still doesn't feel right. "I don't want to go."

"It's your job," he shrugs. Like it's that simple. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?" You won't be able to do your job with him here, but even less so if you're feeling guilty the whole time. "I can take time off."

"No," he says quietly, shaking his head. He looks out into the night air, and you take his hand, squeezing it between both of yours. "It'll be good for me to have some time with Jack."

You can understand that. You pull him into a hug, before dipping your chin into a nod and leaving him out there again.

***

His return to work hasn't been easy. When Strauss gave him the option to retire with full pension and benefits, it should have been an easy decision, but something was tugging at his gut, telling him that would be the wrong choice.

Now he's sitting in his office, and all of his recent life choices are swirling around him like a hurricane ready to close in. He misses Jack like he's missing a limb, and he feels terrible for how often he's been relying on Jess to take care of him, even though she readily offered her help.

His emotions are a tumbling mess, and he doesn't notice that his fingers have been tapping the edge of his desk until you enter his office.

"Coffee?" He looks up with a nod, accepting the steaming cup you hand him, before you flop down on the couch across from him. "What are you thinking about?"

He swallows back a scalding gulp that likely scorched his throat on the way down. He wants to push his emotions down and say something quippy that won't distract you for more than a few moments, but tonight he needs reassurance more than he's willing to admit. "Did I come back too early?"

He expects an immediate and bombastic denial, but you just sit there, stirring your black coffee as you tuck your legs under you. "I can't decide that for you."

It's a diplomatic answer, but he needs guidance, and he doesn't have anyone else to go to. Not that he would go to anyone else even if he did. "Do you think I'm jeopardizing the team by being here?"

This time, the answer is immediate. "Of course not. You've been doing your job effectively, and no one can say otherwise."

He pauses for a moment, ruminating over your words. He knows he's not asking the right questions. He's just delaying until he has to accept what he's feeling.

With a shaky breath, he sets his coffee down and looks at you. "Am I jeopardizing my family by being here?"

Your brows pinch. "Jack will be okay. He's young, and he'll miss you, but you're his hero, Aaron. He loves you because you keep him safe."

"But I'm never home." His voice sounds ragged to his own ears, and he's certain you can hear the pain clawing out of his throat. "How am I doing my job as a father if I'm never there?"

"Aaron," you whisper, drawing his eyes back to yours. "You're keeping him safe by catching the bad guys. He knows that. And that's what he needs." You fix him with a look that makes his back straighten. "Okay?"

After a moment, he nods. "Okay."

***

"Hi, Hales."

You sink down onto the bench in front of her headstone, before pulling the baggie of peach rings you brought from your pocket. They were the only candy you liked from your high school's vending machine, and the two of you would share them between classes during your senior year.

"I should've come sooner, but work's been really busy."

You've only visited her once since the funeral six months ago, and you wish you could've come by more, but sometimes being here is just too much. It's too stark of a reminder that she's never coming back.

You pop another peach ring in your mouth, before breaking into a grin. "Jack's growing up so fast. He's so resilient, it's amazing." He has already adjusted to living in his father's apartment full time, and he seems to like hanging out with you or Jess whenever he's stuck at work late. "I wish you could be here to see it all."

You wish for a lot of things these days. The loss seems to keep piling up, and you don't know what to do or how to feel most of the time, but time keeps passing. And with it, so does the grief.

"Aaron's starting to get better too." You don't know what you believe, but a part of you suspects she knows all of this already. "The transition back was hard on all of us, but he doesn't look as defeated all the time anymore." Your lip twitches. "He even smiles at my jokes sometimes."

You swear you hear her laughter over the rustling of the wind, but it's probably just in your head. "Anyway, I just wanted to come see you. Let you know how much we miss you."

You stand up, grabbing the bouquet from next to you, and walk over to the headstone. Without thinking, you reach into your bag of candy and drop a peach ring into the dirt. It feels juvenile, even as you're doing it, but you can't help yourself. She would find it funny. You know she would.

You tuck the rest into your pocket and walk across the grass to another row of stones. It's not a quick stroll, but it gives you enough time to take a few deep breaths before you face him again.

Jeff Adler. The letters jump out at you like flashing lights, and you blink a few times as the magnitude of your loss washes over you. So many lives, so much love and warmth gone from your life.

Bending down, you place the bouquet of carnations in front of his headstone, before kissing your fingertips and pressing them to his name.

***

"You've got to be kidding."

He just shrugs, but there's a small smile tugging at his lips. You make sure to keep your voice down as you toss your cards into the center pile and lean back against the bottom of his couch.

After putting Jack to bed, neither of you could think of anything quiet to do until Aaron pulled out a deck of cards from below the tv stand.

"I hate that you're so good at this," you grumble, watching as he deftly splits the deck and starts shuffling again. This being Go Fish.

"You're good, too," he concedes, flashing you an amused look that you don't share.

"Yeah, but you're better."

"As with most things."

You throw a card at him, but he dodges it easily. When he's finished shuffling, he deals out a card, before pausing. "We can play something else if you don't think you can beat me."

"Just deal the cards."

He lets out a low laugh and deals out another card, just as both of your cellphones chirp at the same time. You share a look before dropping the cards on the table. He stands first and gives you a hand up, which you accept.

"I'll call Jess," you whisper as he strides over to his bedroom to get his go-bag. You dial her quickly, and get the confirmation that she's coming over, before grabbing your own bag and heading out to his car.

***

"Sorry to ruin your night."

Everyone is in casual clothing when you walk into the briefing room with Aaron on your heels. JJ shoots you an apologetic look which quickly turns to surprise when Rossi walks in wearing a full tux.

"What, are you working on, wife number 4?" Derek laughs as he sets his bag down.

Dave just grumbles. "I see you people way too much."

"I hear that," you grin before taking your usual seat between Aaron and Spencer.

"Let's get started." JJ hands out the case files and clicks the screen on. "All right. Anchorage field office is asking us to investigate a series of murders in Franklin, Alaska. There's 3 people dead in less than a week."

You scan the file as fast as you can, but Spencer beats you to it. "For a town with a population of 1,476, that's fairly significant."

JJ nods. "It's their first murder investigation on record."

"Who are the victims?" Dave asks, his eyes darting back and forth between the file and the screen.

JJ looks down at her notes. "Uh, Jon Baker, a hunter. Dedaimia Swanson, a schoolteacher. Brenda Bright, the first mate on a fishing boat. There's a new victim every 2 days."

Everyone seems to be thinking the same thing, but Emily gives it a voice. "Any connections?"

"Unfortunately, in a town this small, everyone's connected."

When JJ finishes up the briefing, Aaron stands up and grabs his bag. "We'll fly out tonight. Everybody can sleep on the plane. Garcia, I need you with us."

She shoots him a confused look. "Sir?"

"I've tasked a satellite uplink and it's your job to keep us connected."

"Yes, sir."

"This town's already on the brink," he continues with a sigh, "and if this pattern continues, we've only got another day until the next murder. Let's finish this fast."

***

After barely getting any sleep on the plane ride over, and a long day in the cold, the team holes up in the lobby of a local inn, warming up around the fire.

"I'm gonna pull an all-nighter," Garcia announces when you stifle a yawn behind your fist. "I'll finish going through the town records. Should have background checks by sunrise."

"Good," Aaron nods, sitting up on the couch. "The rest of us should get some sleep, start fresh in the morning."

At his suggestion, the innkeeper steps out from behind her desk. "I've got four of the upstairs rooms available."

"Uh, 4?" Spencer squeaks, his eyes darting around the room.

"Come on," the sheriff sighs as he stands up, "that's the best we can do. Your team is double the size of my department." He glances at Aaron and they share a nod. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night."

The sheriff walks out of the inn and you lean back on the couch, turning your head to the side to look at Aaron. The question in your eyes is implicit. What's the plan?

"It looks like we'll have to double up," Emily answers for you, her lips stretching into a grin.

Derek speaks up immediately. "I'm not sleeping with Reid."

Penelope reaches over and grabs Derek's arm. "Dibs."

Emily and JJ stand together and head upstairs, and you glance at Aaron with a nod. "Let's find one of the double rooms before Emily snags it."

"Guess it's you and me, kid," Dave says to Spencer as you grab a key from the front desk and pick up your bag. The inn is so small that all of your rooms end up being in the same hallway. You leave the door open behind you as you step inside and toss your bag onto the nearest bed.

Aaron enters after you and locks the door, before wordlessly moving your bag to the other bed, away from the door. It takes you less than a second to realize why. His protective nature was always strong, but over the past year, it has kicked into overdrive, especially around you and Jack.

"Do you want first shower?" you ask as you unzip your bag and pull out a tee shirt and some sleep shorts.

"You take it," he says, shaking his head. The chilliness of the outside air hasn't left your bones, so you don't wait for him to change his mind before grabbing your toiletries and rushing into the bathroom.

While you're in the shower, Aaron takes his time fluffing out the comforter and pillows on his bed. The room itself isn't very spacious, but he doesn't mind sharing with you. The close quarters remind him of his youth when he would sneak into your room late at night to get away from his family. Just the sight of the lights through your bedroom window used to bring him peace. When he glances over at your side of the room, a tranquility washes over him, and he realizes that the feeling hasn't really gone away.

"Your turn," you say a little later when you emerge from the bathroom. Your skin is still slightly damp, and your cheeks are pink from the heat of the shower, and he has to tear his eyes away as he nods and steps around you.

The tiny mirror in the bathroom is still steamy when he shuts the door behind him and pulls off his shirt, and he lifts his hand to wipe it off, before pausing. His scars aren't something he likes to think about often, but after saving Jack, they took on a different image in his mind. He felt less like a victim.

He rubs his hand against the mirror to wipe off some of the condensation, and his reflection looks tense as it stares back at him. Back in the room, your presence felt warm and comfortable, but in here, with the steam fogging up the glass, and the scent of your perfume lingering in the air, something else roils in his gut.

It's a not-so-unfamiliar feeling that used to be commonplace when he was younger. It hadn't reared its head in years, but lately, it's been so much harder to push it down. When he sees how much his son loves you, how much he looks forward to finding you in his apartment when he gets back from a late meeting. It's been...hard.

He turns on the shower and steps in, letting the hot water wash away the notions tickling the edge of his brain. When he walks back into the room, you are tucked into your bed, the covers up to your chin.

"You look like a burrito," he notes with a small laugh.

You shrug, though it's barely visible from under the comforter. "I find this is the best way to keep out the Arctic chill that seems to have invaded our lodgings."

"Fair enough."

He slides into his own bed and clicks the switch on the wall to turn the lights off. He tries to sleep for a few minutes, but even though he's exhausted, it won't come.

It's dark enough that he can't see his fingers in front of his face, but the uneven sounds of your breathing let him know that you're still awake.

"You should really sleep," he whispers into the darkness.

"You first," you say after a moment, before your voice lowers. "How are you doing? How are you holding up, I mean."

"How are you doing?" he asks, knowing he's being unfair.

You don't let it slide this time. "You're deflecting."

"I know."

There's a pause before he finally concedes. "I think I'm okay. The normalcy is coming back, and Jack is doing a lot better, which helps immensely."

"Me too," you say after a beat.

He wants to let the subject go and try to sleep, but the words are pulling at his throat. "I miss her all the time."

"Me too," you repeat. You huff out a husky laugh, but there's no humor behind it. "God, me too."

There's a tinge of bitterness in your voice that he recognizes in himself, but it's not something he knows if he can explain. He remembers how a small part of you blamed Jeff after his death, but that's nothing like what he's feeling. He blames himself for everything but the act itself, knowing that if he had just gotten there quicker, or taken the deal, or taken the transfer-

His breath catches and he hears you rustle under your covers. He imagines you turning to face him, and as his eyes slowly adjust he sees that he was right.

"Do you remember that time in high school," he says suddenly, not entirely sure where he's going with this, "when I got detention."

"I'm gonna need you to be more specific."

He laughs, in spite of himself, and turns over to face you as well. You're so far away, but he can just barely make out your face from across the room. "When you broke me out."

Your laughter is sudden and it echoes around the small room as the memory hits you. "I do remember that. I told them your grandfather was in the hospital so that they would let you out. God, Mrs. Parker was so upset when she went to get you."

"I think my favorite part of the story was that both of my grandfathers died before I could walk."

You chuckle, your voice softer now. "I know."

His chest warms at the memory of the two of you running out to your car and driving to get a scoop of chocolate at your favorite ice cream shop. Even afterwards, you had driven around town for hours, without a complaint, and he hadn't mentioned the time once. It was so soon after his dad's death, and he hated going home for so many reasons. Sean hated him, and his mother was sad all of the time, and it was like you just knew.

"You were good at reading me," he whispers, almost to himself.

"Were good?" you ask with mock offense.

He snorts. "Fine, are good at reading me."

"That's more like it."

***

You drop your empty glass back on the table, feeling the burn of the liquor as you swallow it down. It's your second drink of the night, and while you usually don't indulge in more than one, you welcome the chance to let loose.

Everyone else seems to be in the same mindset, because JJ, Emily, and Penelope are in various states of drunkenness around the booth, and the men are either nursing a drink or driving.

"Let's dance," JJ shrieks, lifting her head off of Will's shoulder and pushing herself up from the booth.

"Hell yeah," Emily grins, pulling you and Penelope up with her.

JJ tries to corral the guys to join, but they all stay firmly seated. Dave and Will look content as they sip their whiskey, and Spencer doesn't budge, citing his leg hurting (a lie). After a bit of targeted shoving, Derek chuckles and gets up for one dance, following Penelope and JJ onto the dance floor.

"Aaaaaron," you slur, tugging his arm. He doesn't move even an inch, but the corner of his lip twitches when you don't give up.

"You used to dance in college," you point out with a frown.

Emily hoots as she saunters over to the floor. "This I need to see."

Aaron just shakes his head with a smile, and you eventually oblige, joining the ladies (and Derek) for a few dances. The dark atmosphere of the club has you feeling looser than you have in a long time, and after the next song, you join Dave over at the bar to get another drink.

You down half of it before you leave the counter, and by this point, JJ has coaxed Will out of his seat, while Spencer rushes off to find the bathroom. The tiredness hits you as soon as you finish the drink, and when you spot Aaron by himself at the booth, you glide back to keep him company.

He doesn't notice you at first as you walk over to him, and you can't help but register that he looks good in his undone button-down. You take another step forward and a thin glint of metal around his neck becomes visible. A jolt of heat shoots down your body and you set your glass down on a nearby table without looking as you approach him.

When you reach the edge of the bench, someone walking by bumps into you and you stumble forward. Aaron grabs onto you as you fall forward, and you end up crushed in his arms, your face just inches from his. Your thoughts cut out and you don't make a sound, your breaths coming out in quick spurts.

Neither one of you moves as you look at each other, so so close, so much closer than you've ever been, than you've ever gotten to be. The faintest impression of a thought - the thought - crosses the deepest edges of your mind as you lean in infinitesimally. He doesn't notice, and you barely register it either, but you can't help but notice how easy it would be to just close the gap and kiss him.

Kiss him?

Your brain short-circuits and you just barely manage to keep your eyes from widening. You have no idea where that came from, but then again, if you are honest with yourself, it has always been there, buried deep down beneath years of friendship and history.

The question invades your brain again, and this time, you're unable to stop it. What would it be like to kiss him?

You can't keep your breath from catching, and he pulls back immediately, tugging you to the side and depositing you on the booth beside him.

Your mouth falls open as you try to meet his eye. "Aaron-"

His head turns and he stands up, his eyes dark under the soft lighting. "I'm sorry."

Before you can get another word out, he's gone.

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chocsra · 8 months

Text

"I'm glad you understand me, though."

15! Dazai x fem! doctor! reader

a/n: sorry I haven't been posting! school starts on tuesday and i am not prepared to deal w these shitheads 🤧 (update, its friday and they are no new fine boys 😔😔)

to all my dazai fans 🫶🫶 also im working on a 15! chuuya x reader oneshot atm too!

also @sosograndii who wanted a dazai fic 😭 also lmk if any of you want a platonic! fem! reader x pm! dazai where its like "when I say I like all women you might actually be the exception" bc that would be hella funny

content: being teenagers, oneshot, swearing, mentions of suicide, injuries, dazai being dazai, reader is lowkey suicidal too, Mori is kinda creepy beware 😨

"Mori?"

"Yes, Dazai?"

The brunette adjusted his white cast, scribbling doodles on the supposed paperwork he was supposed to do. He currently sat across from the Port Mafia boss, Mori Ougai, who was folding Elise's clothes attentively in his leather seat. Dazai shifted and set down the chipped pencil he usually chewed on, facing him properly.

"Do you think there is anyone else in the mafia who rivals my skills?" The Demon Prodigy asks, it may seem like an arrogant or overconfident question, but the boy has been used to being a genius at such a young age; it was rather a question out of genuine curiousity.

"Besides me?" Mori 'charms' with a smile, not so charmingly earning a scowl from Dazai in return. "Yes, besides you." He grumbles begrudgingly, slumping in his seat thinking what to draw next. "No, not at all." The mafia boss states with full confidence, "You are my pupil, afterall." Dazai groans again, dropping the pencil yet again before yawning. "Not every intelligent person is of your work, Mori." He retorts with a bored face, causing the grown man to exhale loudly. "Fine. I suppose there is one person who may be up to your level."

Dazai's ears perked up, turning to Mori interested. "Who?" The man in the white lab coat adjusted his purple tie, fluttering his eyes shut mindlessly. "A girl your age, she wants to be a doctor just like her Boss." He smiles genuinely, causing Dazai to sigh in irritation.

"Yuck."

Yuck.

Is what you thought as you stare at the lanky boy who rested on your procedure chair. He was battered and bruised, previous bandages and a large cast wrapped around his left arm stained with sweat and blood; you put on a pair of gloves before grabbing a few tools to clean him up. He was a boy about your age, or so you thought, he was tall and lanky, a black suit with an oversized black overcoat messily draped upon his shoulders. He had messy brown hair thst framed his face, one eye wrapped around bandages along his face; shame, his eyes were a pretty sight.

"Where is your boss?" The brunette asks, watching you attentively as you grab his hand and begin to wipe his beaten knuckles, pushing the bandages wrapped around his hands up. "Out. I'm supposed to take over Mori's job while he's gone." You inform, scooting your chair closer in order to clean all the gashes on his hand. "Oh. So you're that girl?" You cock a brow, turning to look at him.

"That girl?"

"Mori's pupil."

You finish wiping one of his knuckles and dispose of the cloth, motioning the boy to remove his arm bandages before the cut bleeds again. "Oh. I guess." You quip, causing him to tilt his head in interest. "What's your name?" The brunette asks, complying and removing his stained arm bandage, placing it gently on the chair; you picked it up and disposed it yet again, grabbing disinfectant wipes as you wipe his knuckles once more. "[Y/N] [L/N], you?"

"Dazai Osamu, I'm fifteen." You nod politely, wrapping a new set of bandages around his hand. "Cool, me too." Dazai's eyes light up a bit at your responses, "I know." he nods, extending his other hand to repeat the same process.

"So," you pause, carefully applying the new bandages on his other hand, they were quite cold to the touch. "what happened to you?" Dazai sighs, tapping a nimble finger on the hospital chair. "I was trying to kill myself," Your eyes widen a bit at the honesty, giving a casual nod as if it were an everyday occurrence. "However, I didn't know that there were a few men who held grudges against me at the end of the river, so I had to take care of that." He answers, you gave a listening hum at his story.

"That's interesting." You reply, causing him to raise his brows a bit; looking at you as you get up and lift his messy bangs, urging him to take off his facial bandages. "Yep, I'm assuming you get a lot of cases like me?" You wipe his bleeding forehead, causing him to pinch a brown eye shut, "Not exactly; but I mean, I understand you."

Dazai tilted his head in confusion, crimson blood collecting on the abrasion on his forehead; he seemed rather amused yet surprised. "You do?" the boy asks, you nod your head in response, finishing cleaning the wound. "Elaborate, please." he requests, his brown eyes almost sparkled into yours. As if you two weren't terrifying mafia members, as if the world just for a second; stopped to understand a few dumb teenagers in weird situations.

"Who wants to live in this world anyway?" You ask rhetorically, chuckling a bit as you grab a few bandages and carefully guide them around the side of his face. The brunette for a second, was caught off guard; no one underestimated the Demon Prodigy, the greatest mistake for Dazai's enemies is that, they're Dazai's enemies, no? But, this time it was different, just one sentence and accomodating gesture, and he felt a knot tighten in his stomach. Weridly enough, Dazai hummed in satisfaction and fluttered his eyes shut.

"I see." He replies, you finished wrapping the bandage around his head and take off your gloves, feeling satisfied with the mutual agreement. "[Y/N], right?" the brunette asks casually, causing you to nod your head in agreement. "Yeah."

"Would you like to elope out of the mafia with m-"

Dazai Osamu, that fucking womanizer.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #spotify #15 light novel bsd #bsd x reader #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #15 dazai #15 dazai x reader #Spotify

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mandos-mind-trick · 2 years

Text

Comfortable

Summary: Midnight and Echo spend some time together after a miserable mission on a cold planet.

Warnings: Crude language and topics, talk of sex, a little medical talk, kissing, a little PTSD.

Pairing: Echo x reader, implied poly Bad Batch x reader

A/N: Well, this took way too long to get out. It’s short but it’s something, I guess. I really wrestled with including smut in this part but it just felt too soon for Echo. Updates will be slow since I just started my seasonal job back up again and I’m trying to finish up school, so my time is limited to write.

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Midnight sits around the table with her boys, enjoying the quiet for once. They were all exhausted still from a hard mission. Even Wrecker was less excitable than normal. They were all focused on eating, waiting for their arrival at the location of their next mission. They were back to back again, with the war continuing, things were getting more and more tense. She can tell things are beginning to shift. Were they coming on the end of the war? Were things shifting for the better or worse? None of the guys had hinted they felt the same, and none of them had mentioned how they thought it was going to end.

With the little they interacted with other battalions and legions, she couldn’t get a good sense of the direction the war was going. It seemed when things were going bad, they were sent on more missions. When the Republic began gaining victories, their missions slowed.

She knows something’s happening. She just can’t place what it is.

“Do you ever compare us?” Tech breaks the silence, looking across the table at her.

Midnight freezes, spoon halfway to her mouth. She glances around the table at Wrecker, Hunter, Crosshair, and finally Tech. Echo has also gone still beside her, staring at her too. The silence in the room suddenly seems louder, all of them obviously waiting on her. Had they thought about this before? She knew they occasionally talked to each other about her, especially early on.

Midnight clears her throat, putting her spoon down. “That...that depends.” She swallows nervously. “On what you mean by compare.”

“When we’re fucking you.” Crosshair deadpans.

So they had obviously thought about this, if not discussed it with each other.

“I mean...” Midnight debates whether she should be honest or not. And if she’s honest, how should she state it? Hunter would probably know if she lied. He’d pick up some change in her heart rate or some smell she secreted when she lied. Probably best to be honest. “Sort of. Not so much technique.” She quickly adds, looking around the table. “Or the actual act of fucking. It’s more...anatomically?”

It didn’t sound any better than in her head.

“I mean, besides Wrecker, you three,” she motions at Crosshair, Tech, and Hunter. “Are basically the same. Sure, you have small anatomical differences in looks but you’re still clones, your dicks are for sure the same. Then again, I’ve never been with a reg so I couldn’t say for sure if that’s true.” She scratches her scalp absentmindedly, a habit she had picked up as a kid from one of the guys in her communal living space that taught her to read. “I could go fuck a reg the next time we’re on Kamino and tell you.”

Hunter squeezes his cup so hard Midnight is worried he might dent it. “No.” He growls, giving her a dark look.

She puts her hands up, a small smile on her face. “I was kidding. Anyways, you’re all different, outside of anatomical aspects. You like different positions, different styles.” She shrugs. “I don’t really think of it as a comparison. I think of it more along the lines of keeping track of who likes what and where.”

It’s quiet for a moment, the four of them mulling over her words.

“They are the same.”

Five heads at the table turn to look at Echo, who is staring down at his ration.

“What?” Hunter asks, leaning forward a bit in his seat.

“I used to be a reg.” Echo says, passing a glance over Hunter, Crosshair, and Tech. “And we’ve all seen each other naked at least once.” He shrugs, scooping up another spoonful of ration. “Your dicks are the same as regs.”

There’s a tense moment of silence. Half of them are staring at Echo open mouthed, the others unsure of where to look.

Midnight is the one who breaks the silence, breaking out into a fit of laughter. Wrecker quickly joins, laughing loudly.

Midnight laughs until tears spill from her eyes, until she’s almost gasping for air. She wipes her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Thank you Echo, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh like that.” Hunter says.

Midnight glances at him, shrugging. “Well, it doesn’t happen often. And we are at war, you know. There’s not much to laugh about when we’re going mission to mission but sometimes things just hit the funny bone just right.”

“Technically humans don’t have a funny bone.” Tech pipes up, the other five at the table rolling their eyes. “It’s actually a nerve on the underside of our elbow. Really bad planning anatomically to have a nerve sitting in that spot.”

Midnight rests her chin in her hands, smiling across the table as Tech continues to babble. The others have given up listening, working on finishing their rations before they land for their next mission.

“Oh Tech.” Midnight says, reaching across the table. “You’re such a nerd.” She pinches Tech’s cheek, perhaps tugging just a bit too hard. “But you’re my nerd.”

****

Midnight wants to turn and run as the ramp lowers. A frigid blast of air washes over her, almost freezing her even in her special gear. She had been lucky enough to get cold weather gear, though she felt a bit puffy with her armor stuffed under it.

The others don’t seem to be phased by the shocking change in temperature, making their way down the ramp in their own cold weather gear.

“I don’t like this.” Midnight says, shivering as she slowly descends the ramp. She pauses as the white ground crunches under her boots, looking down at the strange substance. She bends down, gathering some of it in her hand. It’s cold and strangely wet in her glove. “What is this?”

“Snow.” Tech says slowly, looking up at her.

“This is snow?” Midnight watches it melt from the heat of her hand.

“Yes.” Tech says. “You’ve never seen snow before?”

Midnight shakes her head. “I grew up on Coruscant, remember. The only time it snowed there was when debris would sometimes fall from the upper levels. I’ve seen it in holofilms a few times but never in person.”

Tech immediately jumps into telling her about snow and all the planets that commonly had it. It was the first one they had ever been to with snow, and she was quickly learning she didn’t like it as another frigid gust of wind washes over her.

“Come on, let’s get moving.” Hunter says. “Stick close in case a storm blows in. We can’t risk getting separated.”

Midnight looks across the flat, white surface of the planet. “Separated? How could we possibly get separated out here?”

Tech takes up his normal spot beside her, already starting to share his infinite wealth of knowledge. “That would be a blizzard, he’s referring to.”

“Why do I get the feeling I don’t want to know what that is?”

****

Midnight is miserable. She’s at least warm in her gear, but she’s still miserable. She wants to get out of the snow and back on the ship as soon as possible. This had not been a good mission for her. Snow seemed a worthy adversary for her, and she had spent half the mission trying not to slip and fall for the thousandth time. Thankfully this was an easy mission, and they had been in and out quickly.

Still, she was a bit tired of slipping.

As if fate wished to laugh at her one final time, she suddenly finds her feet are no longer under her. Her stomach drops as her body does, flopping backwards into the snow. She lays there for a moment, trying to breathe and calm her rage.

“I kriffing hate snow!” She yells. “I hate it!”

She blinks up at the figure over her, finding herself staring at Echo. He offers her a hand, which she gladly takes. “You alright?”

She nods, letting him pull her up. “Yeah. My butt might not be after falling-Echo!”

She can feel the frigidness of his skin through their gloves. She peels one of hers off, pressing it against his face. He had been wearing his helmet until now, but still his skin was almost the temperature of the snow.

“You’re freezing!” She exclaims, taking his hand again. “Come on, we need to get you onto the ship.” She all but drags him up the ramp, not waiting for the others. She pulls him into her bunk, tapping his armor. “Off. All of it.”

She peels off her own layers, changing into dry, warm clothes. She gathers the blankets on her bunk, guiding Echo to sit before she sits down next to him, wrapping the blankets around them both. She leans her head against his shoulder, taking his flesh hand in hers to try and warm it up.

“You’re so cold!” She says, pressing herself as close to him as possible to try and warm him up.

“I didn’t notice.”

Echo always ran a bit colder than anyone else. Tech said it had to do with his synthetic body systems. Of course Tech had gone deep into an explanation as to why humans were warm and how human bodies generated heat. She had only been halfway listening, but at least they knew it was expected for his body temperature to be lower than normal.

Midnight lets her eyes drift closed for a moment, the ship quietly rumbling to life as they get ready to take off. Echo is sitting stiffly beside her, rigid like he was afraid to relax. Or...

Midnight lifts her head from his shoulder, having a sudden horrifying realization. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

Echo turns to look down at her, his brown eyes wide in surprise. “No. It’s just...” He turns his head to stare at the wall across from them. “It’s been a long time since someone’s been this close.”

Midnight frowns, letting her head rest back on his shoulder. “Echo,” She feels a bit sad. She always felt a bit sad when she remembered everything he went through. “You don’t have to keep us at a distance. I mean, the guys I can understand. But I’m here. If you want a cuddle, you can just ask.”

“I’m always worried it’ll be too uncomfortable.”

Midnight lifts her head, looking at the side of his face. “Do you know how many times I’ve woken up in Tech’s bunk laying on some random device he had been working on? I will tell you and I will keep telling you until it finally sinks in that I don’t care.”

He slowly turns to look down at her, meeting her gaze. He stares at her silently for a few breaths, squeezing her hand in his. “If I had still been a reg, I wouldn’t have hesitated.”

Midnight processes his words, a grin forming on her face. “Echo, were you a ladies man?”

“Well, I certainly wasn’t shy. I was more of a troublemaker than anything. My vod Fives was more comfortable with women, but he certainly egged me on.”

Midnight smiles, resting her head on Echo’s shoulder again. “What did you look like as a reg?”

Echo pauses, looking down at her. “Well I was a reg, so like the rest of them.”

Midnight rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. Regs still keep distinctive styles and some of them have tattoos.”

“I didn’t have any tattoos.” Echo starts. “I kept my hair in a regulation cut. Didn’t grow any facial hair either. I was part of the 501st so my armor was blue. I had a blue handprint on my chestplate.”

Midnight listens to him as he recounts how he got the handprint, his time with the Domino Squad and the 501st. She had never heard his whole story. She’s not even sure how much the rest of the boys know. Regardless, she’s honored that he’s opening up to her, that he trusts her enough to do that.

“Do you miss it?” She asks, tracing circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

“Sometimes.” He confesses. “But going back like this...when everyone thought I was dead, with so many of them gone...this felt like a better place for me.”

Midnight smiles softly. “I know they’re happy to have you.” She tilts her head up, looking at him. “I know you were here before me, but I’m happy you’re here too.”

Echo leans his forehead against hers, eyes closed as he breathes her in. “I can’t give you what they can.”

Midnight giggles, staring at his face. “Echo, I have plenty of dick to go around in this arrangement. Sometimes it’s just nice to just do this. This is more than enough for me.” She lets go of the blankets, letting them fall around their shoulders. “Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them. Just like if you have sex with someone, you don’t have to love them. You can show you love someone in a lot of ways.”

“Can I kiss you?” He asks quietly.

Midnight smiles. “You know you don’t have to ask.”

“I know.” He murmurs, getting closer. “I just like to be sure.”

“You always have permission to kiss me.” She murmurs back, lips brushing his.

He closes the distance, kissing her fully. His lips are soft, if a bit cold, but she doesn’t let that phase her. Echo kisses like he knows what he’s doing. Of course he did, if his stories were anything to go off of. The other members of the Batch had been entirely new to this, relying on holofilms to tell them what to do. It wasn’t strange to her to be the more experienced, and she had gone through a period of instruction with all of them. At least, all of them but Echo so far.

But it seemed Echo was more than capable on his own.

He shifts slightly, his flesh hand releasing hers, lifting to hold her chin. His grip is gentle, yet firm, holding her in place. It makes a shiver run down her spine, a total switch from the way he acted around the others.

He eases her back, moving to kneel over her. The blankets fall off the end of her bed, but she doesn’t care, too caught up in the clone hovering over her. His flesh hand slides back to hold the back of her neck, his lips pulling away from hers just a centimeter.

“Sometimes I wish I could give you what they can.” He murmurs, lips brushing hers as he speaks.

“I’m sure Tech could come up with something.” She wraps her arms around his neck. “He’d probably be thrilled with the challenge.”

He kisses her once again, careful to hold himself above her. She doesn’t push him any, keeping her hands on the side of his face. He leans himself on his scomp arm, his free hand resting against her neck. It’s warm from her holding it, the skin rough from years of wielding blasters. She tries not to get emotional as she thinks about it.

Echo, perceptive as always, notices. He pulls away from her, brow furrowed just a bit as he stares down at her. “What is it?”

Midnight shakes her head, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Nothing. Just thinking too much.”

He leans down closer to her, their breaths mingling. “I think I can help with that.” He kisses her again, successfully distracting her from her thoughts.

She loses herself in Echo, kissing him for a long time. He never pushes further than that, and she’s okay with it. Eventually he pulls away, pressing his face into her neck. He lets out a deep breath as she wraps her arms around him, holding him close to her.

“You’re so warm.” He murmurs, breath fanning across her skin.

Midnight smiles. “You can cuddle me anytime you want.”

Echo lets out a quiet hum, relaxing fully against her. She doesn’t care that she can feel where his flesh ends and his metal appendages begin. She doesn’t care that she’ll have an indent from his scomp arm on her side when they wake up. She’s just happy he’s finally relaxing. She’s happy he’s finally getting comfortable.

Taglist:

@lo0nylexi, @amyroswell

#star wars #star wars fic #sw #sw fic #bad batch #bad batch fic #echo x reader #bad batch x reader

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strawberryfairi · 27 days

Text

“I loved you then…back when I knew you”

Synopsis: 💎 When your old high school best friend, and admittedly, first love randomly shows up at your door one morning after a bit over ten years apart, your memories of him that you once locked away comes flooding back. Are you open to hearing him out after all this time? (In other words…will you take your man back or nah?)

♕Pairings: Kazutora X Black Fem Reader 🤎 (ANYONE CAN READ)🛑Content: 18+ Eventual smut, Some grief, Some angst ~Crossposted On: Wattpad ONLY ~Updating WEEKLY

w.c. 3.4k💠 Released March 29, 2024

NOTE🧚🏾‍♀️: Omg finally y'all we made it to the present!!!! This chapter is literally what started the entire idea of this story so I'm so excited! Also just a pre-warning/disclaimer THERE WILL BE MOMENTS OF SMUT FROM THE PRESENT ON! But of course...I'll have chapter warnings so never fear.

Previous | Next Chapter: Pending…. Chapters Masterlist

CHAPTER 10; THE PRESENT

The Present Recap

"Hi, I-

Whatever sentence you had come up with in your head instantly evaporated. You stood completely frozen, heart racing. The door was only open just a bit, but you immediately recognized the face in front of you.

He stood there, eyes wide, lips slightly parted just like you. You blinked rapidly as nine thousand different emotions and thoughts coursed through you.

"Hey, it's-...it's been a while." His tone was so soft, so cautious.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾

"-it's been a while."

You stand there, your mind still trying to determine if this was really who you thought it was standing in front of you. The big, honey brown eyes, the tattoo, the earring, even the voice all was nearly the same.

"It's..been a while?" You question, your brows raised as if you genuinely heard him wrong. Instantly, his eyes avert downwards, feeling too nervous and honestly ashamed to hold your gaze. He didn't want to admit it to himself but part of him saw this coming. It was beyond foolish to think you'd just jump into his arms with a wide smile as if nothing happened; as if no time had passed.

"You disappear for a literal decade and some months, then you just randomly show up at my door talkin' 'bout "it's been a while"?!" You spoke in a bewildered and slow tone, your right hand resting against the door while the other animatedly helped you express your feelings. Mind-blown couldn't even begin to cover the way you were feeling inside right now.

It's not like you weren't relieved or even a little bit happy to see him, it's the way he just decides to casually pull up on you out of nowhere that's the problem. Not only that, it's also the pitiful, puppy-dog look of complete hope and nervousness on his face that's slightly pissing you off for reasons you can't really explain.

"I know, I-I didn't wanna be away from you for this long, but-

"Oh, you didn't want to be away this long?! If you didn't wanna be away you simply would not have left, like, I'm confused." You cut him off, whole attitude skyrocketing by the second.

"It wasn't by choice! I never woulda left you on purpose!" He spoke desperately, grabbing onto your free hand. Your eyes widened, looking down at his hand holding yours like a ghost was touching you. It sure felt like it given the current situation. "It wasn't by choice?! You literally came to me and said you wouldn't see me again!" You argue.

He sighed deeply, instantly taking note of your reaction, letting your hand go and looking into your eyes with the most sincerest expression he could muster. "Look, I'm sorry I messed up back then, I really am! I know you're still pissed at me, but I want you to know I genuinely miss you." His eyes searched yours desperately, trying to capture even the faintest hint of happiness to see him. He was getting worried, scared that you wouldn't forgive him, or even at least hear him out.

His words immediately had an affect on you, utterly shocking you that he's being so open and honest. You clenched your jaw, feeling more annoyed that he was getting to you as he always would just like back then. It'd be a lie to say you weren't glad he missed you just as you had missed him all this time. "Get your stupid ass in here." Your voice shook with emotion as you grabbed a fistful of his olive colored shirt, pulling him into your apartment. His eyes widened as he stumbled inside rather ungracefully. A wide smile instantly spread across his face, taking it as a sign of great progress that you allowed him to come into your place.

"I-..there's so much I've been wanting to tell-

"Hush up with all that, now you listen here", You glare sternly, cutting him off with a finger to his chest. "I'm very, very upset with you. How you just gon' show up at my home like this outta nowhere?! You left for ten whole years-I'm still not even understanding how you found my apartment! I ain't get no explanation, nobody told me nothin'! It was like days, then months, then years! I had to just go on like, 'oh ok, he doesn't care about me anymore, we must really not be friends anymore'." You ranted, starting to tear up a bit. Kazutora stood there with a broken expression, trying to gather his own words so he could finally explain himself. "You have every right to be upset with me; I messed up big time. I was young and dumb, I just-...I ended up getting myself into some deep shit, but I want you to know you've been on my mind for the past ten years. That's why I came to find you!"

You stayed quiet, your expression softening just the tiniest bit at his words. Kazutora took it as a good sign to continue. "You never deserved how I treated you, and you definitely didn't deserve for me to leave without any explanation. You were the only friend I ever needed; honestly."

You shook your head, your expression going right back to how it was previously. He'd rubbed you the wrong way again.

"You didn't act like I was the only friend you needed! The night before you disappeared you just hit me with the whole 'I might not see you again' thing, and I really thought maybe you'd come back, or text, or something, but I deadass did not see you again!" You ranted, brows furrowing while you frown, taking a step back from him. Kazutora frowned, the memories of that night flashing through his mind. He made the biggest mistake of his life that night, deciding to walk away from you and go through with that fight against Toman.

"You're right. I-..I was just-...I should've stayed with you! None of this would've happened if I'd just stayed with you, but I couldn't. I got myself too deep in this situation with a rival gang at the time, and ended up hurting you. I just really didn't want you to know about it 'cause I was scared you'd hate me, and then leave me for real." His tone lowered by the end, eyes looking to the side vulnerably.

"Kazutora..." You trailed off, facepalming with an exasperated sigh. He was scared you'd leave him?! You were probably the only person that was ever truly down for him back then!

He sighed defeatedly. "I know. You probably think I'm messed up, but you gotta believe me, I really do miss you. I wanna make up for everything." He pleaded, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

"I don't think you're messed up, I think you're a fool, as per usual." You grumbled yet your tone was slightly playful, raising a brow as you pursed your lips at him before continuing. "You know, I'd always think about you. Even in college when I was in a whole new world, you still made your way into my head." You admitted, looking away from him shyly. His eyes widened, heart warming at the fact that you still bothered to think of him. "You really still thought about me; all this time? I figured you moved on by now and forgot all about me."

"Don't get me twisted, I wanted to. I wanted to forget you 'cause I was so mad and hurt that you left me, but I really couldn't, just like right now. I wanna be pissed and maybe even slap you right now, but I can't 'cause I care about you." You explain softly, looking at him with mixed emotions. "I care about you, too! I've thought about you every day and night! That's why I came back for you, to make things right between you and me." His tone was soft and sincere, grabbing both your hands in his as he stepped closer to you.

"Please don't back away..." He added, looking down at you with sparkling, puppy-like eyes. "Are you really trynna be cute right now?!" You question slightly shocked, narrowing your eyes halfheartedly. Even though you still had your guard up, you didn't bother to pull away from him this time. "I mean..." He lets out a nervous chuckle, not really sure how to respond. "So, you really thought about me..day and night?" Raising a brow you looked at him skeptically, warming up to him just a tad more.

"Yeah, I swear! When I ended up going to prison...I decided once I got out I'd come find you. It took me a while because, I'm not gonna lie I was terrified to face you, but I'm here now. All I wanted to do was make up for how I acted towards you back then; I wanted you to realize I never once forgot about you."

"Mmhmm." You pursed your lips, trying not to come across as moved as you really felt by that. "I know you won't forgive me right away, probably, but I just needed to see you. I want to show you I can still be a good friend to you. Uhh, so...do you mind if I stay here for a bit today? Just so we can catch up? It took a lot for me to come here. You can keep being mad at me later, ok?" He pleaded, giving you the sweetest, most charming smile he could muster. You knew you weren't strong enough to make him leave, honestly you really didn't want him to.

"Ok...fine." You nod, tone soft. "Let's sit on the couch for now." You add, gesturing to the living room. Kazutora followed behind you, discreetly checking out your apartment before he sat next to you, making sure to maintain a distance that wouldn't annoy you. He figured he'd been playing his cards pretty well for now, he just had to keep it going then maybe you'll be more warmed up to him, and maybe you'll wanna be friends again. "So, you were in jail this entire time? Do I...wanna know why?" You question cautiously, looking at him with a worry-filled expression. His face fell, a mixture of shame and discomfort. "No, but...you probably deserve to know." He sighed.

"What happened?" You murmur softly, turning to face him on the couch now. Your heart started racing just a bit out of anxiousness to hear his side of this story. Ten years is a long time, so obviously this wasn't just any old crime. "Well the day after our.."fight" we had, Valhalla got into a brawl with this other gang called Toman. I used to be a part of Toman a really long time ago, but some things went down so I left. To make a long story short, I-..I ended up killing one of Toman's members; one of my best friends."

Your brows furrowed, looking at him in full out concern. The silence was loud and hovered heavily in the room. Kazutora casted his gaze downward at his hands folded in his lap, too ashamed to really look at you anymore. He never wanted you to actually know about why he was gone all this time, but he knew you had to know. If he was going to be friends with you again he knew he had to be fully open and honest with you, unlike last time. "I-...I really don't know what to say, I mean, it definitely explains why you were gone. Did someone force you to do it? Was the fight that bad?" You questioned cautiously. You weren't sure if asking about those things would be too painful for him. "No, no one forced me." He muttered, eyes still downcast. That was all he had to say for you to understand.

"Are you scared of me now?" He frowns, his tone completely defeated as he turns his head slightly towards you. "I-..I mean, I'm not sure. It seems like you regret it and don't want to do something like that again. Is that true?" You question, leaning over to try and meet his gaze. "Yes, I'd never do anything like that again, honestly. It was a huge mistake and I regret it to this day. Most importantly, I'd never hurt you, ever." Finally he met your eyes, looking at you with a serious, highly sincere expression.

"There goes the Kazi I know. I know you wouldn't hurt me, I just wanted to hear you say it." You smiled softly, placing your left hand over his folded hands. A small gasp escaped his lips, shocked that you remembered that nickname for him from way back, and even more shocked that he's actually hearing you say it now. "I should probably tell you now that I'd forgiven you a long time ago. I don't hate you, and I'm not holding any kind of grudge against you. It was just a lot of emotions over the years that came to the surface after seeing you all of a sudden." You explain. "And...I've missed you; a lot." Your voice shook, eyes quickly build up with tears and slightly blurring your vision.

Kazutora doesn't even bother to say anything, and without hesitation he wraps his arms around you in a deeply affectionate hug. Instantly, you wrap your arms around him, reciprocating the same level of emotion. His head fell on your left shoulder while he squeezed you, trying to get as close as possible. This is the first hug he's experienced in years, the last one he received being from you as well. It didn't even feel real having his arms around you, as this was something he'd only ever been able to dream of. It was real now, and your embrace was even more comforting than before, even more special.

"Can you please say that again?" He asks desperately in a quiet voice. "I really missed you, K." You repeat with a warm smile. He felt you lean your head against his as you spoke, making his heart strings pull in his chest. Small, hot tear droplets were falling from his eyes before he even realized it. "I missed you so much too. I don't wanna be away from you again." He murmured into your shoulder, slightly muffled by your top, but you still understood perfectly.

"Noo, don't cry, you're gonna make it worse!" You whined, nuzzling your head into him as your own tears began spilling down your cheeks. Your right hand lifted to gently stroke his hair, trying to calm him down so you could regain your own composure. It seemed you were only making it worse though, as his body lightly shook in your arms.

"Ok..." You murmured, feeling him rest his full weight onto you, pushing you backwards on the couch and into a laying position. The memories were invading your mind while in this nostalgic position. A few times he'd come to your place solely for you to comfort him just like this when he was upset about something, running your hands through his hair until he'd fall asleep on top of you in this same way. You briefly took your hand away from his hair just to wipe your own eyes, finally calming yourself, before going right back to soothing him.

"'M sorry." He mumbled, rather cutely in your opinion. "You're alright, K." You smile softly. "But look at this, your hair is so long now! I just noticed." You change topics, trying to get him calm. "Mhm." He nodded weakly with a little sniffle, making you chuckle lightly. He's still just a big baby, exactly like back then. "I like it, a lot, and you still have your blonde highlights." You add, continuing to stroke his hair gently. "Mhmm." Kazutora sighed blissfully, relaxing more onto your chest, no longer shaking from crying. Your voice was so soothing and soft, something he still loves to hear to this day. You've always been the only person to get him so calm and tranquil when he's upset. The only person that could soothe him to sleep.

"By the way, you're way heavier than before, K. Lowkey strugglin' down here." You let out a strained chuckle, tapping the crown of his head. He let out a little disappointed groan, clearly not wanting to move from his comfortable spot, but he gets up nonetheless. Hesitantly he pulls himself away from you, lingering just a little as your hands slide off of his head.

"I was actually just in the middle of making tea and stuff, do you want anything?" You offer, standing from the couch while gesturing towards the kitchen. Kazutora knew it would sound cheesy if he said it out loud, but he didn't want anything except you in this current moment. Nonetheless he nods anyways, accepting anything he can get from you in this moment. "You still like tea, K?" You call from the kitchen. "Of course! I like anything you make." He says plainly. Your cheeks heat up a little, feeling a bit caught off guard by that statement. He comes over and joins you in the kitchen, trailing into the room like a lost puppy. He really hasn't changed at all, it's so cute.

"You know what? It's something I wanna show you after we have breakfast!" You beam, remembering something from a long time ago. You were sure he'd remember too once he sees it.

💎

With an excited smile, you lead Kazutora to your bedroom by his hand. It took everything for his heart not to burst out of his chest at the way this looked. You were still, to this day, the only girl whose bedroom he's ever set foot in. "Ok, here's my room! I'm really proud of the design." You beam, just as you opened the door. It was a girls room that's for sure, and cute just like you. The room was luxurious looking though it wasn't an enormous space. Crystal bedside lamps in a warm light sat elegantly on either side of the queen sized bed. Instead of a TV, you had a projector that shined a white light against the wall opposite of the bed. Speaking of the bed, instead of facing forward you had it to the side.

He already knew why, you love beds being against the wall so you had something to put all your pillows against. It was just more cozy to you than both sides leading to the floor, and after he'd spent so much time lying with you, he understood why you loved it so much. The walls were a neutral champagne color, the furniture being used for the accent color. Vibrant pink which was different from before. Your favorite color was blue back then, he figured it must have changed over time. "You just gon' keep standin' there? Come inside!" You chuckle, pulling on his hand and bringing him over to your bed. "Wait here, I gotta get it from the other room." You say, speeding out of the room and out of sight. Kazutora truly felt like he was dreaming. He was really here, sitting on your bed, in your apartment.

"Ok, I'm back!" You pop your head in with a goofy smile.

"That was fast." He chuckles.

"Look what I got!" You jump into the room, holding out that stuffed bunny he won you all those years ago. Kazutora's jaw drops, looking between you and the bunny in shock.

"You-...you still have that?!" His tone is quiet as he speaks.

"Mmhmm! I ended up naming her Mimi!" You beam, snuggling your face into it as you rejoin him on the bed. "I remember...how happy I was that night." You add in a soft voice, looking down at your bunny as you fiddle around with it's frilly red dress. Kazutora's heart skips at your words. Something about the way you said that made him wonder which parts of that night made you most happy. "I was happy that night too."

"Remember we went on that one rollercoaster together? I couldn't believe you'd never been on one before that." You chuckle lightly, finally making eye contact with him. Ohhh yes, that was one crazy ride. Neither of you realized it was the kind that stops right at the top, dangling all the passengers before finally dropping down the tall slope. "Yeaaah! That was so much fun! And those characters that'd chase us around the park; I remember that too!" He beamed, a wide smile on his face.

"I think...my favorite part of that night was when we all went to the haunted house. Remember that?" You murmur cautiously, your eyes fixated on his face to see his reaction. His face breaks out into a deep blush, eyes slightly widening as he recalls what happened specifically in the haunted house. He swallows nervously. "Uhh, I-I remember." He stutters cutely. You giggle lightly to yourself. That was just the response you were hoping for.

"Good. I would've been mad if you didn't." You joke, nudging his side playfully.

"I haven't forgotten a single memory with you..." He admits, his tone much softer than he intended.

#strawberryfairi🧚🏾‍♀️#back when i knew you #kazutora x reader #kazutora x black fem reader #black female reader #tokyo rev #Kazutora #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora hanemiya x fem reader #kazutora x you

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melusine0811 · 8 months

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"The Space Between the Stars" -chapter 18 excerpt

It has been quite a few weeks since I updated "The Space Between the Stars" so I wanted to let readers know that I am still working on the next chapter. I'm a French teacher, at the beginning of the school year in a building that is completely new to me and I am all of a sudden very busy. I am also a mom. I can't spend nearly as much time writing as I wish I could right now, but I know that things will start calming down soon and before long I will be spending my prep periods probably writing once again (LOL). Here's an excerpt, hopefully I will be able to get this chapter out of my hair this weekend.

So here's some soft Seyloy love. Let me know if you're still out there! ________

She tastes like ocean wind, Seyka. Like the sky. Like the morning when the birds wake, as she has been projecting pure light into Aloy’s life since the moment they met.

Seyka’s kisses become more desperate as she begins pulling and grasping at Aloy’s clothes, hands dragging up and down her sides as Aloy glides the tip of her tongue across Seyka’s bottom lip as it becomes even more frenzied, her hot breath scorching Aloy’s mouth. Each time their mouths separate and reconnect they unravel further. Their tongues meet, heat searing, sliding along one another as Aloy makes a whimpering sound she’s unaware she’s even let out until it’s suddenly hanging in the air.

It…does something to Seyka, who finally pulls back slightly, breathless, attempting to choke out words onto Aloy’s parted lips. She punctuates every few words with kisses.

“Didn’t…you say there are showers somewhere…I mean…we both kind of could use freshening up before we spend time with everyone, don’t you think…?”

Aloy smiles against Seyka’s mouth as she’s already kissing her again. But she pushes her back momentarily.

“Agreed. See that door over there?”

Seyka looks at the small door that looks like a storage closet, and she nods, punctuating Aloy’s words with her own kisses.

“I have a private shower.”

It only takes that for Seyka to pick Aloy up off the desk, and waddle with her straight into the bathroom.

Seyka sets her on her feet as Aloy fumbles with the water temperature. Seyka is stripping down, and once she’s out of her own clothes, she starts pulling off Aloy’s.

Suddenly, Seyka freezes and looks around, one eyebrow arched.

“Is that steam? …It’s hot water?”

“Yes, it’s adjustable.”

She shakes her head.

“Ancestors, the Old Ones were spoiled. I was expecting cold mountain stream water as usual, and then insisting that you warm me back up in bed…”

“Who says I can’t still do that? Only with a bit less suffering in the cold…”

She beams at Seyka through her tears, kissing her, pressing her forehead to her. Seyka pulls away, and with that, she climbs in. Aloy hears a relieved sigh emit from Seyka’s mouth, and she joins her. The shower is narrow, but the two of them fit just fine, and they just stand there, allowing the water to soak them.

Aloy allows the water pressure to draw her into a lull as every muscle in her body begins to relax, the heat sinking in, and they wrap their arms around each other, Aloy tucking her face back into Seyka’s neck.Seyka just rocks her…slow. Savoring the press of their wet skin together.

Eventually, Seyka grabs the bar of soap nearby, and begins gently scrubbing down Aloy’s body, stopping every minute or so to place her hand on her jaw and kiss her, and whisper words of love. Of reassurance.

Then she stops speaking altogether, letting her hands do the talking, her soft lips on Aloy’s cheeks saying all she needs to say. She pulls the beads out of Aloy’s hair, setting them aside on a soap tray, and she undoes her braids. Then she busies herself with the considerable task of washing Aloy’s very thick hair.

She is usually the one who washes it anyway, these days, now very used to the texture, although how it feels under hot water is something new altogether. Seyka’s fingers scratch lightly across her scalp, and Aloy melts into her touch, a cathartic sigh rushing from her lungs.

She then takes the soap from Seyka’s hands, and begins washing Seyka’s silky black hair…something she loves to do beyond measure. The way her fingers can effortlessly sift through Seyka’s hair is something she’s both jealous of and also appreciates more than she can say.

They both could spend all day doing this. Soft fingers sliding through hair, warm water rinsing the suds away, rolling down their bodies as they sway together and breathe.

Finally, Aloy speaks, her voice low.

“Do you remember…the last time we were like this? It was much colder…but under the fall of water?”

Seyka’s answer comes immediately.

“Mmm. In the rain, under that crumbling highway. I’ll never forget that moment as long as I live…”

Aloy suddenly brings her in and kisses her hard, the ghost of that memory seizing her heart and threatening to spill over. Her hand goes directly to Seyka’s jaw as her thumb slides across her cheek. One kiss leads to another, then another…but then Aloy draws back again, whispering, almost fierce.

“Do you remember…what I said to you, in that moment?”

Seyka is taken aback, swallowing heavily, and she nods as Aloy wraps one arm around Seyka’s waist, then cradles the back of her neck as she arches Seyka back, wasting no time in licking the water droplets from between her breasts, then sliding her parted lips across her skin, taking her nipple into the wet heat of her mouth as Seyka’s hips give a jerk and she gasps as Aloy cups the other breast.

She groans as Aloy’s mouth roves over her.

Finally she’s able to choke out in a half whisper, “You said…”

She breathes, bringing Aloy back up and pressing the bridge of her nose to the Nora’s, attempting to harness her emotions before they spill over to the point where she’s unable to speak.

“You said you were in love with me.”

Aloy nods, sliding her hand immediately down in between Seyka’s legs, finding that Seyka has apparently been thinking of this for quite some time, judging by how easily Aloy’s two fingers slide into her, achingly slowly as Seyka vocalizes, voice wobbly and breaking.

Aloy sets up a rhythm, and whispers in her ear, rasping.

“…and do you believe it?”

Seyka can’t speak, she just nods as her hips roll against the pressure of Aloy’s touch.

“Say it, Seyka…please…I need to hear you…I need to know that you know.”

“I know. I feel it every single day. And I love…”

Aloy’s voice is heavy, deep with the weight of what she really needs to say but can’t ever manage to express verbally.

“No, not now…this is about you. This is about me being so in love with you that my entire chest cavity feels like it’s caving in…”

Seyka stops her, bringing Aloy’s hands back up to her waist, framing her face with her hands, looking her in the eye.

“No, you listen to me. This is about me, too…because we are the same. This is one love. Your ache is my ache. Your sorrow is mine. Your joy is mine. The breath in your lungs, Aloy…it opens my own. Every palpitation of your heart fuels mine. Every day we become more connected, more one with each other while simultaneously being our own separate person.”

Aloy listens, transfixed, to the words pouring from Seyka’s mouth.

“Aloy…I haven’t known how to go about this. But I have been thinking about it for a long time. I already know that I will spend the rest of my life at your side, we established that relatively early on. I did some digging, and I have even talked with GAIA over my Focus. I know that the concept doesn’t exist in Nora culture, as it doesn’t in some other cultures as well. But I want it to exist, between us…”

Her eyes dart around as she frames Aloy’s face with her hands, searching for the words as though they could be dangling from the ceiling.

“I want to do something with you…binding us together…spiritually. And within the laws of my tribe.”

Aloy looks at her, dumbstruck, steam still rising around them and their words echoing off the shower walls.

She knows exactly what Seyka is asking. And she’s wanted it every moment she’s spent with her. She squeezes her, stroking her cheek with her thumb.

“Seyka, whatever it is that exists in your culture, whatever you call it…I want it. I don’t even know what it is, and I want it.”

Seyka is crying, now, hand covering her mouth as she dissolves in tears of joy.

Aloy draws her in, and they press their foreheads together as Aloy’s own tears are flowing again.

And as one, at the exact same moment, they both whisper.

“Marry me.”

#seyloy #the space between the stars #aloy x seyka #chapter 18 coming as soon as i can #life is crazy!

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dewsdoit · 7 months

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we're not really strangers

wonu x y/n | soft romance with a bit of angst ❗️no professional proofreading. may contain grammatical errors.

this is purely fictional so please take it with a grain of salt! this fic is mostly soft and maybe a bit cheesy... I will be updating this post from time to time regarding the chapters as well. hope you'll enjoy it! treat people with kindness, everyone!

———————————————

We started this about three months ago but we make sure we get to walk on this familiar street and keep going in circles until we sit on the swings at the playground.

“Last card?” you ask as if you weren’t sure if this is the 150th card inside the box. Nonetheless, I nodded in agreement but not once did I look up to even glance at you.

We talk about how we both see the world ending and we get too factual about it. I wanted to come up with silly stories and let you build up the plot so we could keep this going, but we ended up backing each other up with scientific facts about global warming and possible alien invasions that may wipe out our existence. “Can you lighten up?” I couldn’t help but make that request, it’s too deafening to deal with the silence after every hum of agreement.

“You lighten up,” you respond as you playfully kick my ankle, making it hit the other one. I look at you with tired and annoyed eyes, in hopes that you’ll send me home rather than deal with whatever this is. We sit in silence for a while, I think and talk to myself if you’re real at this point.

“Can I still see you?” you ask. “Hmm?” I couldn’t quite understand, I was somewhere else. “I don’t want this to end,” you press on that sentence with your sober eyes as you look at me. “Come see me again. Let me see you again.”

First: Perception

I thoughtlessly chose this class because I ran out of electives. You’re not hard to miss because you’re the only one with thick glasses and fluffy hair, making you stereotypically attractive for losers who need someone who will partially change their life forever. But if everyone was going for the last slice of decadent cake, I think I’d rather reserve myself for a flavor no one even bothered to touch. I always thought it was easy to divert myself from the girls who whisper and giggle in your presence.

The rest of the school year passed by too quickly as I easily came and went to every class, but the day I got partnered up with you slowed everything down. I had to deal with telling people to not sit in my seat that was next to yours, which wasn’t a bother if they decided to leave. I just wanted to discuss our film and get things done but the inconveniences your friends and admirers bring slightly get on my nerves.

I’ve never met a man who speaks concisely as much as you do. Maybe it’s because we’re at a coffee shop near our school and we don’t want to disturb anyone but you spoke low and soft. I’m just glad we’re getting somewhere and we see eye to eye, mostly because I’m easy to please.

“By the way, we can make this our meeting place. I’ll give you my schedule so we can align our free time. I also wrote my number so you can contact me to meet up.”

“Oh, thanks. Looks like you got everything planned out.” You took me by surprise. I mean, I was planning but you were a step ahead of me already.

“I like to plan things out so we don’t miss our deadline. Besides, I think we have similar breaks. Which is why I insisted we partner up in the first place.”

“Huh?” I ask. I’m so sure that this coffee shop wasn’t loud enough for me to mishear what you just said but I have to make sure.

“I got the highest grade from our last exam. The prof gave me the advantage of choosing a partner I want to work with and obviously, I went for the person who has a similar schedule with mine so we don’t have to sweat about this project so much.” You say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” I respond, cutting the conversation short. It was freezing in the shop and I just wanted to start walking to get home. “Anyway, I think we discussed the plot well so maybe I can work on the script tonight. I’ll share the document with you and let you know. I’ll get go—“

“Do you want some coffee?” you ask.

I was packing my things when you asked, “Oh, no thanks. I already had one today so…”

“You sure? It’s my treat.” you insist. I kinda wanna bite your offer but I just want to get home and rest. I had math before meeting you, so having coffee wouldn’t be the best solution.

“Seriously, I’m good. Thanks though. I’m just gonna head home. I’ll message you whenever.”

I was rushing on my way to our class. I woke up late, haven’t brushed my hair, and I need caffeine to beat my throbbing headache. The door was still locked, so it seemed like I was one of the first few students to arrive even though I was 30 mins late.

I sit down next to the door to catch my breath. Running four flights of stairs is definitely not a joke. I see someone coming up the stairs and you seem relaxed for someone who’s about 5 mins later than me.

“Is it just you and me?” you ask. “I guess so? I thought I was gonna get reprimanded already,” I respond. “Well, maybe we can take this time to work on our revisions,” you suggest, and I couldn’t even respond because my head started throbbing more so I had to close my eyes and wait for the pain to settle down.

“Are you okay?” you ask as I embarrassingly try to open one eye to reassure you that I am. “I’ll be fine, just let me catch my breath.” You hand me your water flask filled with cold water. I didn’t even hesitate to take it because I needed it. I still had to process the cold water trying to help fight the headache, but I could still feel you looking at me. You patiently waited for me to open my eyes before asking again if I was okay, and I nodded in response to assure you. “Shut up and don’t do this to me,” I thought to myself. I think I’m already pathetic enough to think that this whole group work was a test between me and my easily-impressed heart. My intentions are set: We film what we need to film, meet the deadline and pass this class, graduate, and I’ll only remember you whenever I feel like opening our future yearbook. I moved back a little to physically assert the distance I wanted, which was perfect timing since one of our blockmates came to our room to tell us that the prof wasn’t coming. I thought I could use this free cut to get more sleep, but who am I to reject your offer to go to our meeting place? Our…lol

“You should sit down, I’ll order for the both of us. Just tell me what you want.” “Alright, I’ll just have a latte. How much is it?” “It’s on me, just take a seat,” you say firmly. I know damn well I’m not letting you pay but I did find us a seat and I try to settle down. This cafe is kind of growing on me, it’s so cozy even though it’s freezing in here. It wasn’t too long ‘till you settled down while we wait for our orders to come. It’d be nice if you stopped staring at me from time to time just because there’s nothing to talk about (except maybe, start discussing our film). “Let’s play a game,’ you say out of the blue. “Hmm?” “I bought this online, apparently it’s really popular these days.” You pulled out a box full of cards. We’re Not Really Strangers. Huh, that’s interesting. “This seems...fun. Okay, I’m down,” I say as I fidget the box. Who knows, we might get something out of this game. “You should go first,” you say. I pick out a card from the first level. I suddenly feel tense, why am I so tense?? “What about me is most strange or unfamiliar?” I read the card out loud. “Probably the way you keep shifting your eyes when you’re talking to someone,” you say without hesitation. That took me aback, to be honest. You could’ve let that thought marinate for a while. And it sounds like someone’s been really observant when talking to people. “I beg to differ, I don’t think I do that.” “You do that with me. You’re not even looking at me right now.” And why on earth would I want to do that? “Why do you sound like you’d kill someone for eye contact?” I hope that wasn’t too cold of a response. “I’m just not used to someone who doesn’t make eye contact with me when I’m having a conversation with them. That can come off as rude to other people, you know,” you say with such a soft voice. I kind of stare at your face for a while. You have soft and sharp features. Everything about you is so soft and sharp. Your deep and low voice, but you speak so gently as if we’re sharing secrets all the time. Your bread-shaped cheeks with your sharp nose that might send me into an eternal rest if I touch it. I hope I wasn’t staring for too long because now I find myself unable to find the right words to say something…or anything. Before I could even respond, the server came and gave us our drinks. You ordered pastries too. “You should eat something. I don’t think your body will take the caffeine lightly if you don’t eat something.” You gave me my share of the pastry and I could feel my cheeks starting to warm up. I need to get a hold of myself.

“Can I see the bill? I’ll pay you right now.” I start rummaging through my bag, looking for my wallet. “You don’t have to pay for anything right now, it’s better that I treat you now than treat your hospital bill if you pass out on me.” I laughed at your remark and you smiled back at me. This is better than I thought, maybe everything will just be nice and lax between us. And this project, of course, is the only reason why we get to see each other this often.

“No but seriously though, I don’t remember taking any class other than this one with you in it,” I express my confusion because you kept pressing that I should remember your face well. 3 level one cards down and we already spent hours talking about our first impressions of each other. I can’t believe this game actually works. “We went to the same elementary school and we were classmates in 1st grade. I was the kid who always cried when my mom dropped me off.” I really couldn’t remember your face. I’m sure I would’ve remembered you because believe it or not, I liked talking to everyone when I was kid. “Did you have glasses back then?” I ask. “No, I didn’t,” you seemed nervous when you responded to me, I guess you do know me well… I reached for your glasses and asked, “Sorry, can I? I just need to see something.” You nodded with a hint of hesitation, but I proceeded to take your glasses off. Who would’ve thought that an accessory would make you unrecognizable? Maybe Clark Kent had a point after all. I remember how innocent you looked when you were a kid but seeing you now, with your grown face without these glasses? My god. I immediately put it back on your face. “You look better with your glasses on,” I teasingly say. You chuckled a bit, but you glared a little bit at my teasing. We stayed until the cafe closed and discussed what we needed to do thoroughly. You gently placed your hand on my head before you said goodbye and take care. It was swift and gentle, I tried to fight every single heartstring from beating so fast but that’s exactly how I knew I was fucked. There’s no use in fighting it. I really need a moment with God or the universe because I feel like the misfortunes in my life are getting out of hand. I heard from our mutual friend that they’ve seen you go to school and home with Jen from your block. I wasn’t even surprised to hear that. I mean of course you’d go on dates with someone else, I guess I’m more disappointed in myself for falling for kind gestures. Nevertheless, my feelings found comfort in staying stagnant. As long as I don’t revisit it, I don’t think it’ll budge. Not even an inch.

“…Anyway, this shot looks fine to me. How about you? Is this okay?” I was spacing out when you asked me for my input. “Yeah, that looks fine.” “Okay, we can do more test shots tonight if you’re free.” “Yeah, sure. I’ll be there.” “Good. If we get home late, I can give you a ride home.” “Hmm? There’s no need to do that. I’ll just book a cab to go home.” If I wanted to die inside, I would’ve just eaten a poisoned apple or something. “Are you sure? It might be hard to book later since it’s Friday. I can just drop you off at the nearest station if you can’t stand my presence.” I close my eyes so you don’t see me roll them in annoyance. “Okay, I’ll think about it.” The rest of the day went by pretty fast. I met up with you at the lobby of the mall near the cafe and we drove to a city close by. There are tall buildings and views where you can see the skyline. I’d love to go back here alone, it looks peaceful. We shot more clips for b-rolls, some test shots here and there while we were each other’s test subjects. We’d laugh about how stupid we both look when we’re the ones being filmed. Most of our shots will be indoors, the outdoor shots are for the last few scenes of the film. “You have a good eye for filming. These shots look really good!” It feels nice to have that compliment come from you. Well, you ARE the film major between the two of us. “Thanks, I just do photography on the side but I’ve never tried film. So that compliment means a lot.” “You should do this more often,” you say. “Really? I don’t know, I mean it’s still a growing hobby for me. I can be good now but I might disappoint myself later and lose interest.” “Just do it without thinking about what happens afterward. Take the opportunity and just...do it. Besides, I can help you whenever you want to film something. I’m just one message away,” you say with a soft smile on your face. I gave myself a second to think about it. “You're right, I should just give it a try." I didn't notice that I was smiling a lot today. I'd be lying if I told myself that I was happy to be here and I'm just enjoying the views, taking photos, and filming.

Somehow your bright energy seeps through me and I allow it. Now I raise the question, how can someone be so familiar yet so distant all this time? I'm sure I'll know the answer when a few months pass by. But for now, I'll have to brave through these moments I have with you and see where the wind takes me.

Hopefully, it's not too far from you, again. part 2

#wonwoo #svt #seventeen #alternate universe #fanfic #Spotify

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kukuandkookie · 2 years

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I actually almost never talk about my personal life on Tumblr, but...idk—it’s September now and I’m feeling a little something I guess.

So yeah, it’s a bit weird talking about this since it'll refer to my "real life," but now that it's Sept... I'm just realizing that all of this is reality. That it's really time to embark on a new journey in my life.

Basically, I start grad school soon! And I'll be a TA!

I'm genuinely so so nervous but at the same time, it still sort of feels like a dream??? But I'm now looking at my emails and like...wow. I literally will have a class of students to get to know later on. And I'll even have my own office!!

It's kind of nuts akgfdjsgd.

I'm still panicked over a lot of things and my social anxiety is hindering my ability to communicate right now, but fingers crossed I can keep up with classes—the way I did back in undergrad. I took a year off and it's been really nice—I love drawing and writing, and I don't mind doing those things "for free."

I've had so much fun, and the community is really awesome, and I've made such wonderful friends! And of course I'll still be working hard to create whenever I can, but do count this as a heads-up if posts for fics and art slow down at all KMGFDJGHDSJ. 😅

I'm really scared I'll fail and do terrible and fuck everything up, and I think I'll always remain afraid and uncertain of the future.

But I want to let myself be apprehensively excited/hopeful too... I want to let myself feel a little accomplished, and a little like I'm smart and talented and capable—at least of some things.

Like, it's also embarrassing to say, but I just got awarded a $12k scholarship! And I got a $10k scholarship in undergrad (along with other scholarships/awards) that required me to maintain an 80% average, and I was able to do that, even getting all 90s in my final year. I feel like I should be allowed to feel proud.

The $12k comes after I failed in an awards application I'd made, and I definitely felt really shitty for a bit of time after that failure (for a few reasons). But this does remind me that my skills are worth something, even in a world I sometimes worry where I won't fit.

I once said to a friend that I feel like I have imposter syndrome and they were like, "Oh yeah. You totally do."

Admittedly, that confirmation stuck with me. Whenever I feel like I'm not good enough, I try to remind myself of moments like that, and of the support of those I care about.

So yeah. Here's a corny and kind of embarrassing and personal post now that we've hit Sept 1 ahaha. Really really nervous, but fingers crossed!

And oh, since we're in Sept, I think I'll update one of my fics today. Thanks again to everyone for your support! 💕

#kuku rambles #kuku88 #personal

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2023dailycheckin · 1 year

Text

1/11/2023

Been feeling depressed so no update for yesterday. Just didn’t feel like typing it.

Woke up today at about 6 after a completely sleepless night with Winnie. She tossed and turned for hours, I think she was overtired. I forgot I told Chase I would take him to school so he came to get me after I got the baby settled upstairs. I packed her in the car seat and we headed that way. Stopped for coffee on the way there and Chase picked me up a red bull. After I dropped him off at school and got all the way home, Brayden called to say he forgot his backpack so I had to pick it up and drive it to his school. I couldn’t get ahold of him when I got there so I put the baby in the stroller and took it inside. I called Mike on the way home to vent about the morning.

I got home and FaceTimed my mom. I couldn’t sleep so I just got dressed to go to the YMCA. Changed and fed Winnie and then started up that way. I checked her into child watch and went upstairs. I’ve been super intimidated by gym equipment but it was a very slow morning so I tried some new things and took notes on my phone. I kept hearing the child watch announcements but I couldn’t hear what they were saying and I was worried they were calling for me so I left early and picked Winnie up at 10. I was pretty wired from pre workout so I stopped by the thrift store on the way home since I had the energy.

Once we got home I fed and changed Winnie again and tried to get us both to nap, pretty unsuccessfully. I told Chase I would pick him up since I couldn’t sleep anyways. I went to get him and had a good chat on the way home. His partner just tried edibles for the first time and he thinks he might want to consider it. I told him just to talk to us before he does anything and he seemed like he would. Brayden got home and he had a decent day. I tried to nap again but to no avail so me and Chase just talked for a bit about some possible upcoming shows to go to.

I wanted to make pot roast for dinner but the meat I had set out went bad, though fortunately I had another roast in the freezer so I just needed to put it in the instant pot a little longer. I got everything put in and Mike got home about that time. He said he’d take the baby after dinner so I could get some sleep. Dinner came out around 6:30, the kids were nice about it but I don’t think they were fans. I packed up the leftovers for lunch tomorrow for Mike and left him the baby to go lay down.

I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. I slipped on scrolling social media so I’m sure that didn’t help. I came back downstairs to chill with Mike and Winnie and ate some chia pudding. Went back upstairs to shower and by the time I got out Winnie was losing it again. I told Mike I would try to get some sleep with her since she was being so fussy and he reluctantly let me. I know he wants to help more but she’s just so attached right now.

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twilight-resonance · 2 years

Text

Echoes, Inside and Out

Going to do some writing again, as promised. I’m not sure if I promised here or not. But I definitely promised in my head, at least. As ever, it’s the grounding thing, so.

Doing my best to decompress after this week. This week has been insanely busy - seriously, working straight from waking up at 6AM ‘til going to sleep at nearly midnight. One of those was the first day of my new job, and thus the long commute and such; but the rest of it has been the crazy amount of prep I’ve needed to do for it, both beforehand and afterwards. Making character creation charts for FalJL, updating the rulebook so that I can get it printed, updating my website for the new season (and restructuring it to work for the new job), answering a billion emails - I’ll get to that one in a second - all-day meetings with my assistant, another build sleepover to make more equipment, driving out to get then trailer repaired, picking up more bins and materials, etc etc etc... It’s been just absolute crazy town. So I’m a bit wrecked from it in a working sense. Need to take some time to myself to just be myself and have my own thoughts and process, which is what this is. I’m reaching the point where working is going to happen significantly less efficiently if I don’t, so...

The emails, though. That was a day. One, I don’t know how the world managed the timing on this one, but every single day that I was busy driving and in meetings all day was without fail the day that I would get a bunch of emails all at once. So I couldn’t respond to them, and they’d pile up, etc. Two, the day that I got around to responding to the second batch of them - which also happened to be the day after the first event - was just. They were coming in faster than I could respond to them. I’d reply to one, and three more would appear in my inbox. And it was like that for five hours before it finally tapered down. On the one hand, I could feel myself leveling up in emails and general communication, so to speak - slowing down and remembering small lessons here and there, about boundaries and about communicating with students’ parents specifically and so on and so forth, and practicing applying those - on the other hand, auuuuuuuuuuuuugh. It meant that I couldn’t get any planning done that day, which fucked the rest of my week up a bit. I’ve been patiently un-fucking it, and this is the last piece of that process I think, just. Ugh.

So anyway. That’s why we’re here, and talking, and processing a bit. Had a nice morning with Hearthsnail - been our first easy morning in a week or two, and it was nice. Had breakfast out in the garden, and got to watch lots of hummingbirds going about their various business. As well as some clear-winged pollinator insect that was illuminated by the sun shining through its wings and was just absolutely glowing the way that the sun glows when you look right at it. As in, don’t, because it hurts. Super neat, though.

There was somewhere I was going with this, and I don’t remember anymore. It’s bugging me a bit. There are lots of other things I could ramble on real quick, but they don’t feel like the right call. But there was something. Hate that.

Well, I guess I could write about how day one went. It was good. A half day, I suppose - it was just the afterschool portion rather than the class - but I headed down at the normal time anyway so that we could take some time to plan beforehand. I walked - I’ll need a name for her - let’s go with Ladyknight for now I guess - through the new equipment and the roster, and we planned out the first semester’s worth of major story beats for this location. We’ll need to do the same for the second at some point, but it was a good time. Then there was driving over, and all the school logistics and meeting folks, then unpacking and desperately trying to re-sort equipment into the new bins before players started showing up. It was a bit chaotic all told, but it went smoothly enough. So far all the kids seem interested in the new setting and world, which is a huge burden lifted from my back. There are some adjustments I’ll need to make to day flow routines for this group specifically, but I know that now and we’ll do ‘em next time. My main worry at this point is that we only got through maybe ten kids’ characters for character creation, which means we have about twice that many to get through next week. Which is... fine, but it puts us back in the story further than I’d like. It’ll be fine though.

Definitely made the right call with asking Ladyknight to assist. There’s a lot of things she understands intuitively that make it all flow much easier. It’s funny having worked with or trained enough assistants at this point to be able to pick out a particular style and mindset very quickly. Got to start thinking about what I'll want to do about FalJL this year, if [another name I need] can’t do it; Ladyknight’s the go-to choice after that, but two weekly leagues may be plenty to put on her plate for now. After that... I don’t know. There’s someone who’s expressed interested in GMing for FalAL but wouldn’t want to do FalJL, there’s someone who has expressed interested in GMing FalJL but might not be around the whole year, there’s someone I’ve been after as a GM for FalJL right now but hasn’t been around in a long time... There aren’t any clear stand-out next choices. Things to think on. Puzzles to solve, really, is how it feels - so it’s a good thing.

I dunno. I like people puzzles. I like working with the soft, uneven edges of people and quality rather than the hard, defined edges of quantity; and figuring out how to stack up all the qualities in the right way for them to operate at their best. The one that stands out to me (mostly as the moment I realized I enjoy that) was organizing a group of ten people such that we survived a night mission with the important things we were carrying intact. But I like doing that in other contexts, too. It’s infinitely more interesting when there isn’t one right answer, but many possible ones - a bit like trying to hit a target that’s in motion rather than stationary. Anyway. So that’s part of the interest and appeal for me.

Ah, what else. Had a fun night with my writing group the other night - don't remember if I wrote about that. Was just a happy hour after the usual writing session, but it was a good one that went on for a few hours. I know I've said it before, but it’s really nice hanging out with other writers. In the sense that, it’s people who understand how that particular creative process works and the underlying supports and mechanisms that need to go in with it; and as such who have some similar creative roots. I don’t know quite how to describe it, at least not in a way that’s short; but it’s incredibly helpful. It’s part of that being understood thing, I think. We are all sapient beings with so much depth, and we all want to be understood; and that can be hard when we have sometimes had such vastly different backgrounds and life experiences. But the experience of writing is shared, and thus so is some of the understanding. It’s good. <3

Oh! I remembered what I meant to talk about, like, four or five paragraphs up now! More new things. Dude, making friends as an adult is weird. One of Hearthsnail’s co-workers invited me to her birthday hangout with a bunch of other people from the department, and it was just that moment of realization, like. Oh. We’re friends, then. I get it now. It’s so much less clear-cut as you get older, in a lot of ways. I’m looking forward to it, though. The idea is to all do a spa day together, which is something I’d been curious about anyway, and it’ll be a fun group of people to do it with. She said no gifts, so I’m considering conspiring to get her something small and silly anyway, or at least make her a card... We’ll see. Anyway, I’m looking forward to it, in ways that are (once again) harder to express. Has to do with the way things mean - not what, but the way. Has to do with that process of reflecting on how the world comes in, and reflecting the world back out, and then it reflecting that in turn... Something about how people become people? Again, hard to explain. Hard to describe. At least in a way that’s short. It’s the echoes of the vast distance between the inner world and the outer and how the two become melody and harmony across the years of your life.

I was about to say - hokay, Mitholos, slow it down - but no. That’s urge is one of those reflections that come lancing back - the one that is conscious of the way you might be perceived, but isn’t always necessary. It isn’t. That was genuine, and I’m going to stand by it. That’s what I mean, when I say the self reflecting the world reflecting the self reflecting the world - it’s that process.

It’s also to do with the way that connections flow between other people. There was a ramble I had, as some point - did I have it here? I’m not sure -about how part of what a connection between two people is, is the process of building a shared lexicon through which we understand each other better. It’s the way that any person can say “oh, it’s going” in response to “how’s it going?” - but it doesn’t always mean “I’m having a bad time”. Sometimes it means “I’ve been busy”, and sometimes it means “things are normal and steady and I don’t have anything in particular to talk about”, and sometimes it means “I’ve been very bored and unfulfilled”, and how a person is most likely to mean it is part of that shared lexicon. Again, it came to me in talking with my aunt and uncle, and realizing that we kept glancing off to the side of one another’s meanings when one person or the other would say a particular thing; because we don’t yet quite have that shared lexicon. And building that is part of becoming friends. There are other things that build too - shared experience of one another, for one - and that’s one of the other things I’m looking forward to. Being with people in a context in many ways wholly unlike what is normal, and seeing some of those other pieces of a person that don’t always come to light in a given place or time.

So you know. That’s where I am right now, I guess. I’m enjoying my writer’s self being back again, because these kinds of thoughts come from there. It’s been a few years of looking at the world and seeing it flat in ways that I knew were false - sure, what I wrote above is just called “making friends with someone”, but there’s so much interesting and intricate nuance that gets lost in putting it like that. Though, it is more concise. But I think there’s so much worthiness and meaning in those layers and interconnections and concepts that build to the whole, and it’s worth exploring them. The world is richer, that way.

Let’s take another turn to another current. One of the other things that has kept me busy the last few days was preparing snack for Hearthsnail’s department (it was our turn on weekly Friday snack). I thought a teatime theme would be cute, so I made some tea sandwiches and petit-fours... foolishly thinking that all the complaining that people do about making petit-fours was akin to the complaining people do about pie crusts, where it’s actually not really that bad, just at tiny bit of a pain. What an absolute fool I was. I did not know any better, but I know now. I was up until 2AM making those damned things, and I even cheated by doing store-bought sponge cake! Good lord. It was certainly something new, but never again - not without better tools, anyway. With tools meant for the job, it would be significantly less insufferable. Sounds like people appreciated/enjoyed them, at least (I actually didn't like them very much, but then again, I’m not a huge fan of fondant), but it was. Very busy. Also very challenging to do in a small kitchen that was also incredibly messy. I’m chipping away on cleaning up after it today, here and there; so it’s a start. But it was a lot.

Also validating is having people ask for recipes! People asked for tea sandwich recipes too, but I was actually thinking about players after the build sleepover. One asked for my tikka masala recipe, and the other for my wild rice soup recipe. It’s validating picking the right dishes for a group (both in terms of quantity and taste), and having them like it enough to want to make it themselves. That said, it helps that I think almost everyone we had over likes to cook - everyone volunteered right away to help with cooking, so I had to have them take shifts. It was good though.

That reminds me in turn that I’ll need to figure out what to cook for setting day... Once I decide when setting day is... Once I decide where FalAL is going to be next year... Which is its own other slough of decisions and factors. To say nothing of, I still have an event to run this weekend. Which I should be planning for. But, am doing this instead, because my brain is full-on not going to cooperate with me if I don’t do this first. Turns out processing is important, and so is taking some time for yourself.

I think I would like to go get some lunch, though, and maybe some tea. So I’ll go ahead and do that now, I think, and stop this for the moment. Maybe we’ll go do some work, maybe we’ll decompress a little first; either way, we've got D&D in a couple hours, so we’ll need to be ready for that. It’s times. Anyway -

#blog #journal #friendship #afterschool LARP #FalJL #GMing #writing #philosophizing #rambles #cooking #people #emails #work #self-reflection #busy #decompressing #communication #shared lexicon

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nobodyinfart · 2 years

Text

childhood crush~

hello!! i know, super slow updates rn. trying to recharge before school starts again!! wanted to write something bitter sweet :))

masterlist

description: just a small fish in his sea, you don't even imagine what it would be to be his. yet, why don't you ever see that his sea only has you??

category: imagine

type: angst, fluff

characters mentioned: aether x gn! reader

warning: a bit of self-deprecation, comparisons made, you are perfect okay <3

aether :3

you know aether.

you definitely know him.

no one didn't, he was one of the top-scorers in the school, does sports and has a lovable sense of humour. not to mention, he was handsome, having bright, sunshine hair that glowed like his eyes. forums appreciated them and posted his selfies and photos all the time.

it sucks that you are one of his admirers. how could you even like him when he didn't know who you are. you are a tiny fish in his pool of followers. the prettiest, funniest, most brilliant girls all liked him. even the hottest, most popular guys looked at him with an adoring gaze.

you would be nothing. who are you to be compared to the charismatic zhongli or gorgeous ayaka? sure, you weren't nothing, but why go for a sapling if there is a tree right there?

it hurts, but you knew better than to hope. what, aether liked you out of everyone?? what a joke, even a romantic like you knew how delusional that sounded. figuring that it was better to let your crush wither and die, you went about your life and started building your life. let's get a dog or cat?? get your dream job and apartment and live happily ever after, alone and content~

yet, you never see how he looks at you, and only you.

when he cracks a joke in class, the first face he turns to see is yours, to see if you laughed and if you did, he would remember and think of that grin for the following few classes. once, you snickered at his comment at a teacher and it was all he could think about the whole week. kaeya even made a sly remark on how aether had been dazed the entire time.

he holds his laughter when he sees your confused expression in certain classes, your focused eyes on the paper and then a 'the fuck?' expression with quirked eyebrows, looking astounded to the scribbles on the board. he wants to go and help yet the hound of people around his table doesn't let him to. in his often had daydreams, he imagines the both of you studying in the library, admiring you wearing his hoodie and snuggling into it as the air conditioner blows. Perhaps, he even chose that spot specifically because of that position, that he could pass you his outerwear with a smile.

he notices many qualities about you, some you may not even realise yourself. he notices that you like the rain a lot, watching that shine in your eyes when you realise that it started drizzling during classes. the whole class complains about the wet shoes and socks, yet you smile the brightest when you step across the puddles. he wonders if that's why you refuse to drink warm drinks unless it's cooling outside.

yet, he sees all this but never looks at your side-eyes during class. Or how your hands sometimes twitch, wanting to tuck his hair behind his ears.

you love him, you really do.

and so does he.

perhaps one day, the two of you may finally live out your fantasies. with the sun shining down on his face as you admire him, heart full of adoration as you stare at his long lashes and sun-kissed shoulders connected to arms that won't let you go. he wakes up to see his everlasting dream looking at him like he hung the stars themselves, holding you closer as he smushes a kiss to the top of your head with a husky "good morning, lovely~"

but, baby steps to that for now, i suppose.

#nobody's works #aether #aether fluff #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x you #genshin x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin fluff #genshin imagines

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atlafan · 4 years

Text

Open Door Policy - One Shot

a/n: so, I love a good professor!harry fic, but I don’t always love when he gets involved with a student, so y/n is his TA. He’s 26, and she’s 23, so not too weird, right? Anyways, this took me a few days to write, and I didn’t mean for it to be this long, but here we are. This is a slow burn fam, like...buckle up. Reblogs are always very kind and helpful! Not proofread.

Warnings: angst, fluff, and smut!

Words: 21.5K

It was Y/N’s second year in grad school. She knew how to handle her workload on top of still making time for fun. She was still able to go out to the bar, and party with her friends. However, she was serious about her research. She had a “big girl” apartment that she shared with two friends, each having their own room. Grad school was expensive, and even though she had a decent job working at the local café, it wasn’t enough to cover her bills. Luckily, she got a grant to be TA this semester, which was perfect because she was interested in teaching at a collegiate level at some point. Her excitement dwindled slightly when she got the email about what professor she’d be paired up with.

“Who is it?” Nessa asks, plopping down on the couch with her.

“Dr. Styles.” Y/N groans.

“Tell me, why is that a problem?” Charlotte asks, coming over with a bowl of popcorn so they could start their movie night. “He’s so fucking hot.”

“Exactly! How am I supposed to concentrate?! I had him my senior year for an elective and it was awful. I was flustered all the time. He’s such a nice guy too, I missed a class where we had a test and he let me make it up, no questions asked.”

“Great, so he’s a good professor to learn from.” Nessa says. “Oh, maybe you’ll get a closer look at some of his tattoos.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about, Y/N, he’s only a few years older than us, you know?” Charlotte shrugs. “Maybe you’ll fall in love.” She teases her.

“Mhm, yeah, because I’m sure a guy who has his PhD in Computer Science is just dying to go out with a girl who’s only a TA so she can afford her last year of school.”

“What class are you even helping him with? You’re not specializing in CS.” Nessa says.

“Apparently it’s for the section of Web Expressions he teaches, that was the class I took with him. It was really easy, you just learn the basics of HTML and then build your own website.”

“Did you just say that was easy?” Nessa scoffs.

“My older sister ended up helping me a lot because she had a myspace back in the day, I guess you needed HTML for that.” Y/N shrugs. “It’ll be a good experience for me.”

“Okay, but you’re just specializing in Curriculum and Instruction, so-“

“Yeah, that involves Instructional Design, so I know about this stuff. I’m just not looking forward to doing it with him.” She sighs.

“Could be worse.” Charlotte smirks. “You could have gotten with some old fart who would let you flounder.”

“Very true.” She closes her laptop and sets it on the coffee table. “Alright, let’s get this HSM party started.”

A week later Y/N received an email from Dr. Styles to meet with her so they could discuss the class and make sure they were on the same page about the syllabus. She was a nervous wreck. Y/N used to avoid his office like the plague, too afraid to be alone with him. It’s not that Dr. Styles was a creep or ever put off any inappropriate vibes, he just had this sort of intimidating stare to him. Even when he’d laugh, seeing him soften was intimidating. The sound of his deep, raspy voice was almost a little too soothing, and she was obsessed with his sense of style. His nails were always painted different colors, and he had the cutest pair of round glasses that would sit on the tip of his nose.

Even though it was August, and still very hot out, Y/N wanted to make a good, professional impression. So, she decides on a pair of white slacks that have a tie in the front, a white tank top tucked in, and a navy blue three-quarter sleeve blazer. It was too humid to leave her hair down, so she puts it up in a cute, messy bun. She puts on a little makeup, grabs her laptop bag, and out the door she goes. She puts her sunglasses on immediately, almost getting blinded by the blazing sun.

She had never been in an academic building at this point in the summer. There were a few faculty puttering around, getting their offices situated for the semester. She smiles at a few of them as she takes her sunglasses off. She heads up to the third story where Dr. Styles’ office was. There was no a/c in this building, but luckily the room they’d be teaching in would have it due to all the computers.

His door was open, and she nearly walked right by him. She back peddles and already feels weak kneed. He had his glasses on, pushed closer to his face than usual, a small fan on his desk blowing the hair that wasn’t in the little sprout on the top of his head back, and he was wearing a white t-shirt.

“Um, Dr. Styles?” She nervously taps on the outside of the doorframe. He looks up from his computer and smiles.

“Miss Y/L/N?”

“Yes.” She smiles back at him.

“Come on in, have a seat.”

It was the accent, that fucking British accent that she remembered was the most distracting part about him. He had this drawl to his voice that was irresistible.

“Do you want me to, um…” She points to the door.

“No, no, too bloody hot to have that thing closed. The little window I get barely opens so I only have this fan to really keep me cool.” He frowns slightly at her appearance. “Why’d you get so dressed up? You must be sweltering.”

“I’m okay!” She blushes, and takes the seat in front of his desk. “I just…you know, wanted to look nice.” His eyebrows raise slightly. “I mean, like, not nice, but professional.”

“Well, don’t feel like you need to be dressed up like this all the time. I want you to be comfortable. You don’t see me all dressed up.” He smirks.

“You’re a tenure-track faculty, you can do whatever you want.”

“Not true.” He leans forward and rests his chin on his palm. “I can’t call a student an absolute moron when they ask me a stupid question.”

“I thought there were no stupid questions.” She smiles.

“God, there’s tons.” He scoffs and sits up straighter. “But we have to encourage students to speak up when they’re confused, so.” He shrugs. “Anyways, let’s look at the course, yeah?”

“Okay.” She takes her laptop out and sets it on his desk, scooting closer.

“I added you to the moodle page, so you should have full access to everything. You’ll be grading a bit, so I wanted to make sure you knew how to get in there.”

Once Y/N logs in, and clicks into the course, she smirks.

“What?”

“Looks at the exact same.”

“What do you mean?”

“I actually, uh, took this class with you a couple of years ago.” She furrows her brows at the page. “You know, you should really update this, it’s lazy to use the same design year after year.” She sort of says it without thinking and then feels embarrassed when she looks back up to meet his intimidating gaze.

“Interesting, usually I’m good with names…yours doesn’t ring a bell at all.” He looks at his own computer and crosses his arms. “And it’s not that I’m lazy, I don’t have a lot of control over the physical design. The assignments are much different, those I keep fresh.” He turns to look at her again. “I also teach eighteen credits worth of courses, I don’t exactly have time to sit and revamp all of them.”

“Well, maybe I could do that. I’ve taken a lot of Instructional Design courses.” She says brightly. “Studies show that students do better when their course pages are more inviting.”

“Alright, since you’re the expert, I’ll let you take the lead on that. Can we get back to the material itself? I have to make sure you know what you’re doing.” He squints at her. “You really took this class?”

“Yes.”

“And I was your professor?”

“Yes, Dr. Styles.”

He plucks his fingers over his lips.

“I feel bad for not remembering you.”

“It’s okay, I sort of kept to myself. You late me retake a test that I missed once, though.”

“Oh!” He snaps his fingers. “You missed class because you had a bad stomach bug.”

“Yeah.” She blushes.

“Poor thing, those are the worst when you don’t have mum around to help take care of you.”

“It’s alright, I recovered.”

“Clearly.” He smiles.

They spend the next hour or so going over the course and the materials. He tells her what he’ll need from her specifically. He’ll do most of the teaching, and she’ll bebop around helping students with questions. Oh, and grading, she’ll be helping with a lot of grading. He notices her wipe some sweat from her brow, and he frowns.

“Do you want a water? I have some in the fridge.”

“That would be great, thank you.”

He wheels over to his mini fridge and tosses her a water bottle. As she takes a sip, she notices him still looking at her.

“You can take that off, you know?”

“What?”

“Your blazer.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m, uh, only wearing a tank top underneath and I wouldn’t feel comfortable being so…exposed.”

“Oh!” He blushes. “I’m sorry, I hope my comment didn’t-“

“It’s fine.”

“I just hope you know I wasn’t trying to-“

“I didn’t.” She clears her throat. “So, I have full reigns to redesign some things?”

“Sure.” He shrugs. “Just as long as I can still navigate it.”

“Isn’t your PhD in Computer Science? You should be fine.” She closes her laptop and sticks it in her bag.

“Right…” He pulls his calendar up on his computer. “What’s your class schedule like?”

“With this one, I only have one other class that’s in person, the rest are online.”

“Perfect, then it should be easy to build in some office hours for you. We’ll have to share mine, I hope that’s alright. Not every TA gets their own office, but there’s plenty of room in here for two. This office actually used to have to people in it, I’m having a small desk brought in for you.”

“Oh, um, thanks. I also work a lot at the café down town, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“You work at Bento’s?”

“Yeah.”

“I go there all the time, how have I not seen you?”

“I work in the back as a baker.”

“Oh cool, I actually worked in a bakery when I was younger.”

“I know.” She rolls her eyes. “You used to mention it all the time in class.”

“I did?”

“Yes.” She chuckles. “You made it sound like so much fun it’s actually what made me apply to Bento’s in the first place.”

“Ah, well, glad I could help.”

They decide on the office hours that will work best, and then he dismisses her. Just as she’s about to leave, he says her name.

“Yeah?”

“When it’s just us feel free to call me Harry. You and I don’t need to be so formal, alright?”

“Okay.” She smiles. “See you next week.”

The second she gets outside the building, she rips her blazer off. She gets back to her apartment as quickly as possible, changes into a bathing suit, and gets in the pool outside. Charlotte and Nessa were already out there, sitting on chairs in the shade. Y/N gets out and towels off, sitting down with them.

“Needed to cool off after your time with Dr. Styles, huh?” Charlotte winks at her.

“Shut up.” Y/N nudges her friend. “It was so fucking hot in his office. I know it’ll cool down eventually, and I was also way overdressed. He only had a t-shirt and jeans on.”

“Did he remember you?” Nessa asks.

“Not at first, but of course he remembered the reason I missed class was because I had a stomach bug, how embarrassing.”

“Why is that embarrassing?” Charlotte asks.

“I don’t want him to think about me being all…icky.”

“Do you seriously still have a crush on him?” Nessa asks.

“It’s not a crush, he’s just insanely attractive. He looked so cute being all casual today.” She whines. “It doesn’t matter, he’s twenty-six and probably has a girlfriend or something, how could he not?”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t wanna date a guy smarter than me. He probably man-splains all the time.” Charlotte says. “I bet he’s good for a quick fuck, and that’s about it.”

“I guess Y/N will find out.” Nessa giggles.

“You two are the worst.” She groans.

“Hey, Y/N!”

Y/N was in the back at Bento’s getting some bread proofed and ready for the morning crew. One of her coworkers was calling for her.

“Yeah?”

“There’s some guy out front asking for you?”

“What?” She wipes her hands on her apron and walks out front. She freezes when she sees Harry. She had a hairnet on, her face was laced with sweat, and she smelled like bread, which you would think would smell good, but it doesn’t. It had been a couple of days since their meeting.

“Sorry, had to see it for myself.” He smirks.

“See what, Dr. Styles?” She walks around the counter to speak with him.

“Harry.” He corrects her. “See you in action, of course.” He takes a sip from his drink. “I see you’ve already made some changes to the course.”

“Yeah, uh, it was pretty easy.”

“Well, it looks fantastic. I was going to email you, but I was stopping in here and I thought I’d see if you were working so I could just tell you in person.”

“Oh.” She blushes. “Thank you, that means a lot.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Don’t wanna get you in trouble.” He waves as he leaves, and she stands there stunned.

“Who the fuck was that?” Her coworker asks.

“Um, I’m his TA this semester. He wanted to tell me I did a good job on something.”

“Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“He’s gonna fuck you.”

“Stop!” She swats her hand at them. “Go take drink orders, I’m going back to the proofer.”

Harry was just being nice, and maybe he was looking for a good laugh. She shakes the thought from her head, he didn’t want to fuck her. He was way more professional than that.

On her first day as a TA, she decided on a pair of jean capris, and a light blouse. She left her hair down since it wasn’t humid. She felt more like herself, which was good. She goes to her now shared office with Harry first, just to drop her things off.

“Good morning.” She says shyly as she comes in. The small desk he had brought in for her was there, and there was a small plant waiting for her on it.

“Morning, Y/N, are you excited?”

“More so nervous, but yeah. What’s this?” She points to the plant.

“Got you a little something for your desk. It’s really easy to take care of, should only need water once a week.”

“Oh, thank you.” She tucks some hair behind her ear and sits down.

“Since it’s syllabus week, today will be really easy. We’ll go over a few things and then I’ll probably let them go early.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll give you a couple of minutes to introduce yourself too.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have a water bottle with you or anything?”

“Yeah, right here.” She takes it out of her bag.

“Great, a little trick I learned when I first started teaching is that sometimes you can end up answering a question you ask the students because you’re so nervous when no one answers right away. So, if you take a moment to take a sip of your water it gives them more time to speak up.”

“Thanks, that’s a really good tip.”

“You’ll do great.” He looks down at his watch. “Come on, we should head to the classroom, make sure all the computers are working.”

Y/N nods and follows him out. Her eyes drift down to how his butt looks in his khakis. He had a simple green t-shirt tucked into them. He was effortlessly handsome. The cool of the a/c in the computer lab helps snap her out of ogling. After they check the rows of computers, only one wasn’t working, so Y/N takes a DO NOT USE sign onto it.

“Brilliant.” He says to her.

Students start trickling in, and choosing their seats. The class was mostly boys, and only a couple of girls. Unfortunately, that was typical for courses like this, even if it was just a gen ed that literally anyone could take.

“Morning everyone, I’m Dr. Styles, and I’d prefer you call me that. I worked a long time to be called that, so please don’t call me by my first name. You can call me professor, though, if you feel comfortable.” He smiles at the class. “We’re very lucky this semester, I have a TA that will be able to help you with assignments.” He gestures to Y/N.”

“Hi, yeah, my name’s Y/N, you can feel free to just call me that. Um, I’m in my second year of grad school. I’m studying curriculum and instructional design. I’m excited to be with you all this semester.”

Y/N takes a seat to the side of the room while Harry pulls up the course and the syllabus on the projector.

“Now, who here is a CS major?” Most of the class raises their hand. “Right, try branching out for your gen eds, your eyes will bleed if you don’t.” He jokes. “What about those of you who aren’t CS, just shout it out.”

“Communication.”

“Undecided.”

“IT.”

“Psychology.”

“Wonderful, glad we’ll have a little bit of variety. Y/N redesigned this class, so I’m hoping you’ll appreciate what she’s done to make things easier for you.”

Y/N takes attendance, and then sits back down so Harry can go over the syllabus and explain some of the more intricate assignments. He also explains his door is always open for anyone that needs extra help. He wanted to make a good impression since he knew some of the students would end up in some of his higher level courses.

“Please take some time to go over some of the basic codes and short cuts we’ll be using quite a bit. For our next class we’re going to work on a site together, alright?” There’s a hum of agreement throughout the class. “Great, and just so you know, Y/N will be doing the majority of the grading, so it’s not my good side you’ll want to be on, it’s hers.” He grins. “Alright, you’re all dismissed, enjoy the nice weather.”

Everyone files out, and Y/N takes a deep breath. She walks with Harry down to his office and she plops down in her seat.

“Seems like it’ll be a good group.” He opens one of his drawers. “Here, forgot to give you a key. You can come here whenever you want, feel free to do your homework if there’s nothing to be graded.”

“Thanks.” She takes it from him and puts it on her key ring. “It’ll be nice to have a quiet space, actually. One of my roommates is getting her master’s in theater education, and my other roommate is getting her master’s in music education, so it gets kind loud from time to time.”

“Then definitely come here anytime you like.” He smiles and sits in his chair.

“When does your next class start?”

“I’ve got about an hour or so before I need to go back to the computer lab for my computing fundamentals class. I teach two sections of that back to back. Then that’s it for today.”

“Does it get annoying to teach the same class back to back?”

“Not really.” He shrugs. “I’m used to it by now anyways.”

“Dr. Styles?” A female student taps on the outside of the door. “How was your su…oh, you’re in here with someone.” She frowns.

“I sure am, Melanie.” Harry seems to look a little nervous. “I’ll be rather busy today, but we can catch up soon, alright?”

“Oh, okay.” She glares at Y/N before leaving. Harry sighs heavily once she’s gone.

“That’s one of my frequent flyers.” He rolls his eyes. “Her and a couple other girls try to come by and chat…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m actually kind of glad you’ll be around, I’ve seen her fly out of here so fast.”

“Does she…have a crush on you or something?”

“I’m afraid so.” Harry sighs. “It’s partly why I keep my door open when I meet with students. I used to keep it closed to have some privacy, cause sometimes there’s personal things students want to talk about, but she came in last year…I don’t know, I just keep my door open now.”

“That sucks.” She turns to her laptop to start getting some work done. “Such is the life of the hot, young professor, unfortunately.” Once again, Y/N said something without really thinking about it. She really needs to work on a filter. When she turns around to look at him to apologize, he was looking at her, face flushed. “I’m sorry, I just meant-“

“I have some emails to catch up on, so I’m gonna put by earbuds in and just focus on that.”

Y/N nods and turns back to her computer. She sighs heavily. The last thing she wanted to do was make the poor guy feel more tense than he already did. It must be painfully awkward to have students throwing themselves at you all the time, and what’s worse is that he feels so uncomfortable that he feels like he can’t even close his door. Y/N wanted to know what exactly Melanie did. It couldn’t have been so bad because she was still coming by to see him. Maybe Harry just picked up on a vibe, and got ahead of the problem before it got worse.

Forty or so minutes later, Harry tells Y/N he’s off to class, but she can feel free to stay if she wanted. She smiles and continues working on a paper she already had assigned for one of her courses. It was really nice to just have a space to work.

“Dr…oh…is this not Dr. Styles’ office anymore.” The girl standing in the doorway frowns.

“Oh! No, it is. He’s teaching right now. I’m his TA, Y/N, so we’re sharing. Can I help you with anything?”

“No, um, I was just coming to say hi, but I’ll catch him later.”

“What’s your name? I can tell him you stopped by, then he can email you or something.”

“It’s Bridget, and he doesn’t need to email me. I was just coming to say hi and chat about summer.” She sighs. “Sorry to bother you.”

Before Y/N can say it wasn’t a bother, the girl is gone. Harry really seemed to have a fan club so far. Y/N had professors she loved, but it was the first day of classes, she never went around trying to catch up with them. She decides to close the door a bit, maybe if people came by they would just assume he wasn’t there.

Y/N’s eyes start to feel droopy. It hits her that she’s been up since four this morning, having pulled an early shift at Bento’s. She decides to cross her arms on her desk, and rest her head on them. Her music was playing softly in the background, and her eyes eventually flutter closed.

Harry comes back from his second section of Computer Fundamentals and is confused when he sees his door only open a crack. He opens it the rest of the way and stops short when he sees Y/N resting peacefully. He wonders how long she’s been asleep for. He didn’t want her to be too groggy. He also knew some students from his previous classes may stop by for some clarification, so as he much he didn’t want to, he had to wake her up.

“Y/N?” He says softly, tapping her on the shoulder.

“Mm?” She grunts.

“Gotta wake up, love.”

Her eyes snap open. She sits up and watches him as he sits at his desk, pulling some papers out of his bag. She knew it was a pet name often used where he was from, but holy mother of God did it sound good hearing him call her that.

“Sorry, I…oh wow, I slept for way too long.”

“You didn’t seem so tired this morning, are you feeling alright?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I worked an early shift at the bakery this morning, so it must just be catching up with me.” She stretches her arms out. “I think I’m gonna head out now. Oh, some student named Bridget came by earlier, but you were in class.”

“Alright.” He sighs. “Thanks, see you Wednesday.”

“See you Wednesday.” She smiles, gathers her things, and heads out.

At the end of the first week of classes, Harry was exhausted. It was always like this by the time that first Friday hit. The faculty meeting was the most draining part of it. He didn’t subject Y/N to it since she wasn’t helping with a major course. He had whined about it in front of her, though, so when he got back to his office he found a cupcake from Bento’s waiting for him.

It took a couple of weeks, but Y/N was able to relax around Harry. He noticed this right away. She was way less nervous, and he felt happy knowing he wasn’t making her feel intimidated. He was also happy for the help. She was able to field a lot of questions for the students, and her grading things was already saving him a ton of time.

The semester was off to a great start. Y/N would often bring Harry extra pastries from Bento’s, and he would praise her for how good they tasted.

“If those whole Instructional Design thing doesn’t work out, you should just open up your own bakery.” Is what he would often say after stuffing his face. It would make her giggle and blush. She enjoyed pleasing him.

They were having a peaceful Tuesday afternoon, holding office hours. Mostly working on their own, but occasionally chatting. Well, it was peaceful, until someone walked through the door.

“Harry.” An angry woman holding a small shih tzu and a large bag says. “I can’t take care of him Max anymore. I’m moving and my new place can’t have pets.”

“Kelly, let’s go out into the hall, yeah?”

She looks over at Y/N, who was stunned. Harry was standing up and walking around his desk to lead the woman out, but she won’t budge.

“Make whoever this is leave, you have an office for a reason.”

“I don’t have an office for personal matters, come on.” He takes the dog, Max, from her and cuddles him to his chest. Harry gets a lick to his chin. “Aw, you miss Daddy, Maxy?”

The woman rolls her eyes, and lets Harry lead her into the hallway. Y/N hears some muffled discussion, the woman raising her voice more than him.

“You could have looked for a place that allowed pets. This is so typical of you. You fought me on keeping him, and the second it got difficult you wanna just dump him with me.”

“I’m never home, Harry! It’s not fair to him.”

“And you think I’m home more?”

“More than me.” She scoffs. “You don’t have a choice, I leave at the end of the week.”

“You don’t even look like you’re going to miss him.”

“I thought I wanted him, but every time I looked at him I just thought of you, and now I can’t stand him. I’m moving to have a fresh start. Whatever happens to him is up to you now.” She drops the large bag full of Max’s things at his feet and walks away.

Harry sighs and kisses the top of Max’s head. He leans down to grab the bag and walks back into his office.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s okay.” She extends her hands out. “Can I hold him? He’s so cute.” She pouts.

“Um, sure.” Harry hands Max over to Y/N.

“Oh my goodness.” She gets a lick on her cheek. “How old is he?”

“A little over a year.” Harry mumbles as he goes through the bag. “I have no idea how I’m going to make this work. I can’t bring him with me every day, it’s not allowed. Once in a while is fine, but it’s not like he’s a therapy dog.”

“I can help! My apartment is pet friendly for small dogs. I could just meet you here and you can drop him off to me.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. You have so much going on between this, your own school work, and Bento’s.”

“I really wouldn’t mind, I know you end up staying here late a lot of the time, I could take him for walks and stuff, tire him out so you can just have a snuggle with him when you get home.” She holds him up to her face. Lucky dog, she thinks to herself.

“You’re my TA, Y/N, not my dog sitter.” He sighs. “I’m sure I could find another student that needs some extra cash-“

“Wouldn’t need to pay me.” She smiles. “Please, he’s so cute, I really wanna help. It won’t stress me out, I promise.”

“We’ll see, it would only be on my busy days.” He takes Max back from her, and pulls his dog bed from the bag. “Go on, get comfy.” He sets him down and pats the top of his head. He takes out his water bowl and pours some into it for him.

“Feel free to not answer, but who was she?”

“My ex…” Harry sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He sits down and watches Max lap up at his water bowl. “She insisted on a small dog because they’re easier to take care of.” He rolls his eyes. “But I missed him a lot, so I’m not complaining. We were together a couple of years, lived together for a bit, thought it would be smart to get a dog like a lot of people do when they’re getting more serious. But we started fighting a lot, we both got busier, neither of us wanted to compromise, and so it goes. She took him with her. We both got new places and have barely spoken.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, we weren’t right for each other, and he sort of made us realize that.” Max yips at Harry. “That’s right, buddy.” Harry chuckles. “We called it quits roughly six months ago, it’s all good now. I thought I’d miss her, but I missed him more.”

“I get that, I dated this guy for a bit in undergrad, but I definitely didn’t see it lasting.” She rolls her eyes.

“Guys at that age are really immature, anyways. You’ve got plenty of time to meet someone.” He turns back to his computer and gets back into his emails. He looks over his calendar and groans. “Alright, I’ll definitely need your help with him.” He turns back to her. “I give a lecture on Thursday evenings, so no one would be home with him literally day.”

“No problem at all, I can bring him home with me and I can just drop him off to you.” She smiles. “My roommates love dogs too, they’ll be excited.”

“I’ll need your phone number, just to get updates and stuff, it’ll be easier than email.”

“Sure!” She hands him her phone immediately. “Feels silly to not have exchanged numbers sooner.”

“Was sort of trying to keep a level of professionalism between us, but I suppose you’re gonna be helping me with my pup you’ll be more than just a colleague.” He puts his number in and texts himself. “You’re sure this won’t be too much for you?”

“Not at all.”

“At least let me pay you.”

“No way.”

“Y/N.” He sighs. “I’m gonna pay you, just deal with it, alright?” There was that intimidating side of him again. Y/N just swallows and nods. “Good.”

Nessa and Charlotte loved when Y/N would bring Max home with her. They teased her a bit at first because it was like her and Harry now owned this dog together, but she explained she was just helping him out.

“At least now you know for sure he’s single, and that he’s not afraid of commitment.” Nessa winks.

“Oh stop.” Y/N nudges her.

“He has your number now, does he ever text you about anything other than Max?”

“Not really, although he’ll send a funny gif as a response sometimes. He’s got a good sense of humor. You should see him in class.” Y/N’s phone buzzes and sees a text from Harry. “Speak of the Devil.”

Harry: I’m running late tonight, I’m so sorry. Would it be too much to ask to have you just get him settled at my place? There’s a spare key in the plant by the door.

Y/N’s eyes grow wide.

“Oh my god, he wants me to bring Max to his house tonight.”

“It’s happening!” Charlotte squeals. “Have you eaten much pineapple lately?”

“Would you shut up?! He doesn’t want to fuck me. He’s way too professional.”

Y/N: of course!

Harry: you’re a lifesaver. I’ve got some frozen pizza, feel free to make yourself at home until I get in. I won’t have you waiting too long.

“Oh wow, I’m gonna be there until he gets in…” She looks at her friends. “Maybe I’ll go shave my legs, you know, just in case.”

Y/N finds the key quickly, and walks into Harry’s home. He didn’t live too far from campus. He had a nice town home. Max scamps inside and immediately goes over to his toys in the living room. Y/N takes her shoes off and leaves them in the mudroom. Harry kept his home clean, and it made Y/N smile. There were some papers on his kitchen table that had grade marks on them. She wondered if he had a home office or not.

She goes into his freezer to find the pizza, and preheats the over. Once the pizza is baking, she plops onto the couch, pulling Max into her lap and turning the TV on. He has Netflix, so she click into that. She pouts when she sees he watches a lot of Rom Coms, it was too cute. She puts on The Office and has a slice of pizza. She didn’t need to work until tomorrow afternoon, so she didn’t mind that it was getting to be a little later on a Thursday, and it wasn’t like she went to raging parties anymore either.

Eventually, she dozed off. She couldn’t help it. Harry had a really comfortable couch, and plush blanket to curl up in, and Max was just as cozy to sleep with. Harry had texted Y/N, but she didn’t answer because she was asleep. The lecture he had ran late, and then he had to meet with some students to help them. Not to mention it was raining heavily, and he needed to drive a little slower than usual. So he didn’t pull into his driveway until 10PM. He sighs, feeling terrible that Y/N was still there.

He quietly enters his home, but it didn’t matter because Max hears him, wakes up, and starts barking. This startles Y/N awake.

“Shh, Max, it’s just Daddy.” He scoops him up and walks into the living room. Y/N was rubbing her eyes, trying to wake up. “I’m so sorry, I-“

“It’s okay.” She yawns. “I wrapped up the pizza and put it in the fridge for you.”

“Oh, um, thank you. Think I’m about to pass out though.”

“Don’t be silly.” She gets up and stretches. “You need to eat something.”

She brushes by him to go into his kitchen and take the pizza out. She puts a paper-towel over it and pops it in the microwave.

“I really am sorry you’re here so late.”

“It’s okay.” She leans against the counter. “What’s the lecture for, anyways?”

“It’s actually a graduate level CS systems course. I couldn’t turn the money down when they offered it to me. I figured since it’s only once a week it would be terrible, and it’s not, it’s just exhausting.”

The microwave beeps, and Y/N take the plate out for him, removing the paper towel.

“See, now it’s not all dried out.” She smiles.

“Neat trick, I’ll have to remember that.” The rain taps violently on the window in the kitchen.

“Yikes, I didn’t even know it was supposed to rain tonight. It wasn’t like this when I drove over.” She bites her bottom lip and looks outside.

Harry finishes his pizza and puts the plate in the sink. He sets Max down and he runs upstairs to his dog bed in Harry’s room.

“Listen, uh, if you want I can set up the pull out for you. Or I could sleep on it and you could take my bed…if you don’t feel safe driving home.”

“Oh, I couldn’t take your bed.” She turns to him. “But I may take your couch. I was sleeping on it fine as is, no need to set it up.”

“Well, let me at least get you a proper pillow and something to change into, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“Right, um, well you know where the bathroom down here is, feel free to use whatever to wash up. I’ll run up to grab what you need, be down in a sec.”

Harry changes into his own pj’s, and finds some spare pants and a t-shirt for Y/N. He’s even able to find a spare toothbrush. He hustles back down and see’s Y/N bending over to charge her phone using the plug behind the tide table next to the couch. Harry clears his throat to get her attention.

“Here, you can wear this, and he’s a toothbrush.”

“Thanks for letting crash here, I get nervous driving at night when it’s like that outside.”

“It’s the least I could do, you gave up your Thursday night to…” He looks at the TV screen and his cheeks grow hot. Y/N looks over at the TV as well and wonders why The Office might embarrass him.

“Is it okay that I used your Netflix?”

“Yeah, I…god, it’s just, you’ve seen what I watch.” He rubs the back of his neck.

“I didn’t snoop or anything, promise.” She smiles and takes the clothes and toothbrush from him.

He opens up the coffee table to take out a pillow and another blanket.

“Well, I’ll be right upstairs if you need anything…um, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Harry.”

She wanted to ask if he wanted to watch a little TV with her, but he looked so tired. She lays on the couch after getting changed. His bed clothes swam on her, and she loved it. They smelled just like him and it made her smile. She texts in the group chat so the girls know what’s up. They tell her just to go crawl into his bed, and she rolls her eyes. She falls back asleep after another couple of episodes of The Office.

The next morning, her eyes flutter open when the light from the sliding door in the living room hit her. She hears Harry shuffling around upstairs.

“Gotta be quiet, Max. Y/N is sleeping.” She hears him whisper and it makes her smile. She decides to pretend to be asleep as to not rile the dog up.

She hears the door open and close, and that’s when she knows Harry’s gone to take Max for a walk. She gets up and folds the blankets, and puts the pillow on top. She figures he’ll want to wash it. She goes into the bathroom to do her business, but doesn’t change just yet, she didn’t want to leave the comfort of his clothes. She does, however, put her bra on. She didn’t want to bounce around and make him uncomfortable.

Harry comes back in with a beanie on, cover the beautiful curls Y/N adored so much. He was wearing grey joggers, and a black t-shirt. Max runs right over to Y/N.

“Morning.” Harry says.

“Morning.” She pats Max’s head.

“Sleep alright?”

“Mhm, thank you.”

“I’m gonna make some breakfast, you hungry?”

“Sure, I could eat.” She smiles.

He smiles back and opens up the fridge. Y/N grabs the dog food and gets Max’s bowl filled. She sees Harry starting up the coffee pot, and then going back to the fridge for eggs.

“Eggs and toast alright?”

“Sounds great.”

Harry gets a pan heated up and cracks four eggs into it.

“You working at Bento’s today?”

“Yeah, not until this afternoon though, no worries.”

“Oh good, I would have felt bad if I was keeping you.”

“You’re not.” She sits up on the counter and watches him cook the eggs. He moves to the toaster and puts for pieces of bread in. “This is a nice place.”

“Thanks, sort of found it in a scramble, but it gets the job done. Would have liked more than one bedroom, but oh well.” Harry flips all of the eggs over so they’ll be sunny side down. “Want cheese?”

“Yes, please.” She hops off the counter to grab a couple of mugs for the coffee.

“I have to apologize, I don’t have any cream for that.”

“Sugar?”

He slides the sugar bowl down to her and she smiles. Once everything is done they sit down at the kitchen table.

“Mm, this is delicious, thank you.”

“S’just a fried egg.” He chuckles. “But I’m glad you like it.”

“Do you have to go to campus today?”

“Not technically, but I will just to get some work done. I’ll bring Max with me. He likes the little dog bed I’ve put under my desk.”

“He’s really such a love bug. Snuggled with me last night and everything. My roommates love him too.”

“You’ve been such a big help in so many ways. Don’t know what I’ll do without you next semester.”

“I’m applying for more TA positions, maybe they’ll stick me with you again.”

“Wouldn’t you want more experience with a different class?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” She shrugs. “It would be cool to work with you over winter break to redesign your other courses.”

“Man, if I didn’t have to do that myself…hm, maybe I could put a good word in. That is, if you don’t mind being stuck with me again.”

“Stuck with you? Hello, this is going way better than I thought. I was sort of nervous to be your TA at first.”

“You were?” He frowns.

“You’re a little intimidating.”

“I don’t mean to be.”

“I know, it’s just the way you come off sometimes. You’re hilarious when you want to be.”

“Thanks.” He smirks and continues to eat. He looks at her and furrows his brows. “Feel free to keep those.”

“What?”

“The clothes I let you borrow, feel free to just keep ‘em if you want. I don’t much wear those pants anymore, and I have a dozen t-shirts.”

“Oh, um, thank you. Might take you up on that, I’m pretty cozy.”

She helps clean up the dishes and then gathers her things. He walks her out to her car.

“Thanks again for watching him.”

“Of course, I’ll see you Monday morning.”

“See you, have a good weekend, love.”

Her heart skips a beat as he turns and walks back inside. She takes a deep breath as she gets into her car. It was cloudy on the drive home, but at least it wasn’t raining. The second she gets through the door Nessa and Charlotte grill her for details, and they were highly disappointed that the only thing they shared was breakfast.

“It was really domestic, though, it was nice.” Y/N explains. “He was so cute while he made me breakfast. He’s so kind. He even let me keep his clothes, and he wants me to be his TA again next semester. He literally said he wouldn’t know what to do without me.”

“Yeah, because you’ve volunteered to do everything for him except suck his dick.” Charlotte scoffs. “You said he’s been broken up for a little over six months right? Do you think he’s gotten his dick wet since then?”

“Charlotte!” Y/N giggles. “He’s a grown man, he can do what he wants. I bet he has, he easily could have had a rebound, although, he seems really respectful, so who knows if he’s even into hooking up.”

“Right, like when you told us he always keeps his office door open.”

“I feel bad, I’m there when some of those girls come to chat with him, and you can tell they just make him uncomfortable.” She shakes her head. “I think he and I are, like, friends now. I like what we have going, I’m not going to rock the boat. It could really complicate things.”

“So, would you say now that you’ve gotten to know him better your crush is less…apparent?” Nessa asks.

“God no! We mesh really well, we think a lot of the same things are funny…” She wines slightly. “It’s truly unfair.” She sighs. “Right person, wrong time.”

It was hard to stay awake during your shift at the bakery, but you made it through. You were thankful you only needed to be there until about dinner time. You had to be back in Saturday morning for open, but that didn’t stop you and your friends from going out to the bar for a couple of drinks.

It gave the three of you time to catch up and complain about coursework. Nessa was directing a production at the university, and she still had students who weren’t off-book, and Charlotte had to deal with pretentious music bros who really liked to man-splain the music industry to her. Y/N felt lucky that the majority of her classes were online.

“Okay, I have to ask, are there any students in class you think have crushes on each other?” Nessa asks her, sipping from her straw.

“Oh, for sure. There are these two boys, they don’t sit next to each other, but you can tell they’re friends. One of them always looks behind to the other so they can make a face. It’s too cute.”

They were at a more adult bar tonight. It’s not that they didn’t like the college bars they were so used to going to, but if they went there then that meant getting shitfaced and staying on the dancefloor until close. It also made things awkward when running into students. So the three of them felt safe here, they could really relax.

“Oh my fucking god.” Charlotte says. “Dr. Styles just walked in, and fuck, he’s here with a couple of really hot guys.”

“What?!” Y/N was buzzed, and she didn’t want Harry to see her like this. She wanted his image of her to remain sweet and professional. She peers over her shoulder to look at him, and her eyes widen.

He wasn’t wearing his glasses, he had a floral patterned shirt on that had the first few buttons undone, and a pair of black jeans to match. They weren’t skinny jeans or anything, but they sure as fuck were working for him. Both of his friends were a little shorter, but both equally as handsome. The three walk right by the bar and grab a booth.

“This is bad.” Y/N groans. “He looks so fucking good.”

“Who knew he was so tatted up?!” Nessa says. “I thought it was just his arms, but did you see his collar bones? We love a man who has going attire.”

The bar was starting to get more crowded, and louder as it got later. Music was blaring from the speakers, but all Y/N could think about was Harry. She wondered if he would venture to her area of the bar to order his drinks. One of his friends went up first, on Nessa’s left.

“Hey, Niall, what can I get for you?” The bartender asks him.

“Bradly, so good to see yeh, I’ll take a pint of Guinness, Lou’s gonna have a pale ale, and Harry’ll have a Corona with lime.”

“You got it.”

Niall drums his fingers on the bar. Nessa was sweating. She had a boyfriend, so she would never do anything, but fuck, that Irish accent tore right through her. Niall looks over at the three girls who had all fallen silent after he approached. He makes eye contact with Y/N, and they share a smile.

“Opening a tab tonight?”

“Yeah, one of those nights for sure. Poor Harry’s had a run in with his ex, basically dropped their dog in his lap and left. It’s been a couple of weeks since it happened, but it’s been eatin’ the lad up.”

Bradly nods and takes Niall’s credit card to keep on the back of the bar. He hands him the three beers, and Niall thanks him. The girls try not to watch as he sits down.

“Holy shit, I thought I was going to crap my pants.” Nessa breathes. “I love Andy, don’t get me wrong, but holy fuck.” She shakes her head. “I may need to have him pick me up from here tonight.” She giggles.

“Now I almost wish there was dancing here. Wouldn’t mind showing that guy how well I can pop my ass.” Charlotte laughs.

“He smiled at me, did you see it? Of course Harry surrounds himself with other beautiful people.” She pouts.

Niall slides Harry and Louis their beers and they all clink their glasses.

“I’m so glad we could all get out to do this. Sorry we didn’t rescue you the second Kelly showed up.” Louis says.

“It’s alright, I appreciate you guys coming tonight.”

“Is Max okay for a bit on his own?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, I put the gates up for him so he can’t mess much up. I wouldn’t have texted my TA to see if she could watch him again, but…”

“But you’ll most likely be fucking someone tonight.” Niall grins. “Surprised you didn’t just fuck her, she stayed at your place and everything.”

“Actually, you asshole,” Harry chuckles and takes a swig of his beer. “I was going to say that I would have felt bad taking up another one of her evenings. I don’t know if I’m in the mood to take anyone home tonight.”

“Too bad, girls love little dogs like Max.” Louis shrugs.

“There’s three really hot girls sitting by the bar.” Niall loves over at the three girls. “One for each of us if we play our cards right.”

Harry’s back was turned away from the bar, so he couldn’t see who Niall was talking about.

“They could be college students.” Louis says.

��Not at this place. The undergrads don’t come here.” Harry says. “Mostly grad students or other faculty that live close by, locals too.”

“We could order their next round of drinks, and then invite them to come sit with us. Booth has plenty of room.” Niall suggest.

Harry and Louis turn around slightly to get a look at the girls Niall was talking about. Harry nearly chokes on his Corona, and turns back around.

“Jesus, are you alright?” Louis asks, patting his back.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. We can’t get those girls drinks.”

“Why not?”

“The one on the right is my TA, Y/N, and her two roommates. I know one of them has a boyfriend…uh…the one on the very left. The middle one is single, but even still, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Mate, you’re TA is that good looking, and you didn’t even try to fuck her when she stayed at your place?” Niall asks.

“No, I didn’t try to fuck her. I’m doing this thing where I don’t fuck people I have a position of power over.” He rolls his eyes. “That’s a no go.”

“But if she wasn’t your TA, and just a regular grad student…?” Louis raises an eyebrow at Harry. He runs a hand through his hair as thinks it over.

“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, she’s obviously cute, but…I could never do something like that.”

“It’s not like she’s going to be your TA next semester, you could-“ Harry cuts Niall off.

“Actually, she might be. I have a meeting with the curriculum committee to discuss what I’ll need help with for next semester, and we both want to work with each other again. Crossing that line would complicate things, not to mention it’s highly unprofessional.”

“It’s not like she’s a student sitting in one of your classes, then I’d agree with you. You’re colleagues, technically. Nothing in the rule book saying you can’t fuck a colleague.” Niall says.

“He’s got a point, Har.” Louis says.

“Even if I agreed with the both of you, I’d still be taking advantage. I think she has a little crush on me, she’s made a couple flirty comments here and there…”

“Not to mention she jumped at the chance to help watch your dog.” Louis says.

“It’s not happening.”

“Well, you may not want to fuck a pretty girl tonight, but I do, and if the middle one is single, perhaps I’ll still order them all drinks, and just talk with her. Or, if you’re saying Y/N’s a no go for you, maybe I’ll chat her up. We smiled at each other, maybe she thinks I’m cute.” Niall grins.

“Don’t you dare.” He glares at him, finishing his beer. “I don’t care if you talk to, fuck what’s her name…Charlotte! I don’t care if you talk to Charlotte, but don’t try anything with Y/N.” He looks at Louis. “You either.”

“Not that I would, but basically you’re saying if you can’t fuck her no one else can?” Louis asks.

“I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with it.”

“Alright.” Niall shrugs. “We ready for the next round, then?” They both nod at him, and Niall brings the empties up to the bar. The girls fall silent when he approaches again. “Hi there, is there a reason you all keep doing that?”

The girls all turn to look at him. They were sweating.

“Doing what?” Charlotte asks nervously.

“Well, and maybe it’s just a coincidence, but you keep getting quiet when I come over.”

“It’s just…um…” Nessa starts. “You’re here with someone our friend knows.” She points to Y/N. “In a professional setting, and we’re just surprised to see him out, that’s all.”

“Oh, am I? Who is it?”

“Dr. Styles.” Y/N speaks up. Niall smiles as his eyes raise.

“Dr. Styles, how formal.” He looks over at Bradly who gives him the new drinks. “Bradly, do me a favor, put these ladies’ next round on my tab, will you?”

“You don’t have to do that.” Y/N says.

“Whether you know my friend or not, I’d be a real jerk to not buy three beautiful girls a drink, wouldn’t I?” He winks at Charlotte as he walks away with his new drinks.

“He winked at me, oh my god.” She squeals. “Y/N, you wouldn’t care if I tried to fuck one of Harry’s friends, right? It’s been a minute for me.” She pouts.

“No, why would I care?” She laughs. Bradly gives the girls their new drinks. “That was really nice of him.” She twists her straw and looks over at the booth. She can see Niall and the other guy laughing, while Harry just shakes his head.

“What the fuck did you say to them?” Harry asks as he takes a sip of beer.

“Would you relax? They simply mentioned that they knew you, and I bought their next round, that was it.”

“Great, so she knows I’m here.” He groans. “Move.” He says to Louis.

“Why?”

“Because now I have to go talk to her.”

“Oh, you do?” Louis smirks.

“Yes, do you know how fucking rude it would be not even say hello?”

“I don’t see her coming over here.” Niall says.

“She’s obviously nervous!” Harry takes a large gulp of his drink. “Move, Lou.”

Louis gets up so Harry can get out of the booth.

“Oh my god, Y/N, Harry’s coming over here.” Nessa says.

“Shut up, no he’s not, oh my god, he is, holy shit. I’m…inebriated.”

The girls laugh at her as Harry comes to sit on the open stool next to Y/N. He gets comfortable before he looks at her and smiles. She slowly turns herself to look at him.

“Hi.” He says.

“Hi.”

“Did my friend bother you?”

“Not at all…he was very nice.”

Harry nods and sips from his drink.

“I didn’t know you came here…” He says.

“Could say the same to you.” She looks him up and down. “Barely recognized you when you walked in. That’s a nice shirt.”

“Thanks.” He blushes and wants to kick himself for being so exposed to her.

“You haven’t met my friends yet. Charlotte, Nessa, this is Dr…uh, this is Harry.” The girls both say hello.

“Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you both. You’re Charlotte right?”

“Yeah.”

“My friend thinks you’re cute.” He nods over to Niall. Maybe Harry wouldn’t have been so bold, but he knew they were only a few years apart in age, so it wasn’t totally weird, and he had a couple drinks in him, so there’s that.

“Really?!”

“Mhm.”

“Should I go talk to him?”

“Definitely, I think he’d really like that.”

“Good enough for me.” She hops off the stool. “Ness, come talk to his other friend with me it’s not awkward.”

“Wing-man to the rescue, I’m on it.”

“You guys!” Y/N calls after them, but they’re already sitting down. She looks back at Harry and squints at him.

“What?”

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Do what?”

“Get them to leave so we could be alone…”

“What?! No!” Harry finishes his drink, and Bradly gets him a new one right away. “Why would I want to be alone with you?” He sees the obvious offense on her face, and shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. We’re alone together all the time, aren’t we? I just meant, in this setting.” He gestures to the bar around him. “I’ve been a bit mopey since Kelly showed up, so my friends just wanted to take me out and show me a good time.” He looks over at Niall who already has his arm around Charlotte. “Although, I think they’re bound to have a better night than me.” He sighs.

“You haven’t let on a mopey exterior, you could have told me.”

“It’s really none of your business how I’m feeling, Y/N.”

“You’re being awfully cold to someone who spent the night at your house just watch your dog.”

“You spent the night because it was raining too heavily.”

“And then you made me breakfast.”

“As an extra thank you.”

“You’re annoying.” She takes a sip of her drink and faces forward. “Now I don’t even have my friends to complain about you because you’ve sent them off to your friends.” She rolls her eyes.

“M’not annoying. I’m a fucking delight, just ask Max.”

“Where is he anyways?”

“Home.” Harry shrugs. “He can last a few hours without me. I almost texted you, but I would have felt bad asking again. I know you worked today, I honestly didn’t expect to see you out.”

“It was a long week for everyone. I’m not staying much longer, I have to be at Bento’s at four in the morning.”

“It’s…” Harry looks down at his watch. “Almost midnight, Cinderella.” He smirks at her and she can’t help but laugh. It was a stupid and cheesy joke, but she liked it. “I didn’t mean to be cold…I just didn’t want you to think I was coming over here to pull a move or something.”

“I’m going to remind you again, you sent my friends away.” She smiles and takes a sip of her drink.

“I did.” He nods. “But I’ll remind you, my friend Niall thinks Charlotte is cute. He thought you were cute too, by the way.”

“He did?!” She looks over at them and then back to Harry. “But you sent her off with him?”

“Yup.” He takes a swig of his beer.

“Why?!”

“Could be a little awkward to have my best friend canoodle with my TA.”

“Right, because it would be so easy to get into my bed.” She scoffs.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it. And I’m not one to kiss and tell, so unless he wanted to dish, you wouldn’t have even heard anything from me about it.”

“Doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t have liked it. I don’t know Charlotte so I don’t really care what they do.”

“You don’t get to decide who I can and can’t sleep with just because you’re too chicken to make a move.” Before he can say anything she’s hopping off her stool and heading out of the bar.

She’s just about to order an uber when he grabs her wrist. It was chilly outside, and she could clearly see both of their breaths.

“What did you just say to me?”

“You heard me.” She yanks her wrist free. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to sleep for three hours so I can get up to bake some fucking bread.” She orders her uber, and Nessa comes rushing out.

“Char’s staying inside with, um, Niall? I saw you leave so I thought I’d come…with…you…” She sees Harry who was practically fuming. “Um, I can wait inside, or-“

“It’s fine, the uber will be here in a minute.” She smiles at her friend and then glares at Harry. “At least one of us is going to have a good time tonight.” She seethes.

“I had fun.” Nessa says, and then realizes what Y/N meant. “Oh.”

“Why are you still here? Go inside and find some random to fuck.”

“Don’t talk to me like that, Y/N.”

“Sorry, I’m off the clock. I can speak to you however the fuck I want.” She steps closer to him. “I don’t know where you get off being so sweet and kind one moment, and then turning into a major prick the second you feel threatened, but I don’t need this.”

The uber pulls up, and without another word Y/N and Nessa get inside, leaving Harry outside in the cold.

Y/N woke up at 3:30AM and groaned, cursing at herself for going out. She only had to work until 9AM and then should could sleep the day away if she wanted. She was still so mad at Harry she could scream. He hadn’t even tried to text her to apologize.

She sighs and makes her way to the kitchen once she’s dressed. She stops short when she sees a half-naked Niall standing in her kitchen, filling two glasses of water.

“Um…hi.” She says to him as she grabs her daily vitamins out of the cabinet.

“Hey.” He smiles. He looks her up and down. “Are you going to work?”

“I am.” She pops the gummy vitamins into her mouth.

“Could you do me a favor?” He steps a little closer to her. “Take it easy on Harry, alright?” Y/N scoffs at him. “I know, he was an asshole last night, but he just want to do anything that could put his job in danger, that’s all.”

“How would I do that? I’m not his student, I’m his colleague.”

“He just feels weird about it, and he’s still figuring out his feelings. I think he likes you, to be quite honest. You’ve…perked him up, well not tonight, but anytime he mentions you he smiles.”

“He…talks about me?”

“Oh sure, all the time actually.” He takes a sip of water. “I better go bring this to her. Just…consider taking it easy on him, he knows he fucked up.”

Y/N nods as Niall makes his way back to Charlotte’s room. She drags herself out to her car and heads to Bento’s. Once she’s inside, she puts some music on and fires up the ovens. She loved baking, it helped clear her head for a little while. She would prep the bacon, get fresh muffins and cookies going, and she would even make croissants. By the time the rest of the morning crew shows up, she’s just about halfway done with everything. She trays up everything to be rolled out for the people working out front. By the time 9AM rolled around she was exhausted, but had mostly forgotten how aggravated she was. She snags a coffee and a muffin on her way out, and stops short when she sees Harry sitting outside with Max.

“Oh, thank god.” He says, standing up. Max sniffs at her feet and she bends down to pet the top of his head. “They said you got off at nine, I hope it’s not weird that I’m here.”

“How long have you been waiting out here?”

“Well, I came by at 6:30 when they opened, but you were really busy, so I just came back twenty minutes ago. Can we talk?”

“Not right now. I’m covered in flour and sweat, and I’d like to take a shower and then take a nap. I got two hours of sleep last night. It was my own doing, but still.”

“When then?”

“I’ll text you.” She shrugs. “Niall spent the night, I bumped into him this morning. He said you fucked up?”

“I did.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Do what you need to do, and then, uh, come bay later, yeah? We can have a late lunch or something, and I can explain myself. Would you like that?”

“Depends, what’s on the menu?”

“S’cold out, do you like grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

“Love it.” She smiles. “I’ll let you know when I wake up.”

“Alright, thanks.”

Y/N takes a nice long shower when she gets home, her roommates still peacefully sleeping. She wondered if Niall was still there or if he slipped out a couple hours after her. She didn’t care that much, she was too tired to care. Once her hair is dry, she slips a t-shirt on and crawls into bed.

“Y/N! I’ve let you sleep long enough, please wake up!” Charlotte was absolutely giddy, and dying to fill Y/N in. It was around 2PM, she definitely caught up on sleep.

“Gimme five minutes!” Y/N yells back. She was groggy and didn’t want to be cranky.

Y/N comes out to the couch and lays down. Nessa was out with Andy, but she had heard about everything earlier. Charlotte brings Y/N a cup of tea and smiles at her.

“Thank you.” She takes a careful sip. “Alright, go ahead.”

“Best sex I’ve ever fucking had!” She squeals. “He had me all over the bed, it was wild. I’m surprised we didn’t wake you.”

“I passed out the second I got home.” She chuckles. “Best you ever had, huh? What exactly did he do?”

“What didn’t he do?! Fingers, tongue, and dick, it was incredible. I rode him, then he got on top, and then he did me from behind, bent me over the bed, I got on top again. His stamina was incredible. I made him some breakfast this morning and then he left.”

“Did he give you his number?”

“He did.” She beams. “He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious at the moment, but I was free to text him anytime I wanted him like that again.” She bites her bottom lip and sinks further into the couch. “I totally don’t mind at all. It would be nice to start up a new little fling. It won’t be weird for you, will it?”

“Not at all, it’s not like you’re…oh my god.” She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

“What?”

“I totally get where he was coming from now.” She groans.

“What do you mean?”

“He said he told me that, uh, his other friend thought I was cute, and I told him I was mad because he sent the two of you away, and that he couldn’t tell me who I could and couldn’t fuck, but I would have been so mad if you slept with Harry.”

“I wouldn’t have, though. I know how much you like…” She gasps. “Do you think he likes you too?!”

“I don’t know, maybe!” Y/N takes her phone out to text Harry that she’s up and that she’ll be over within the hour. “I’m going to his place for a late lunch, he wants to apologize, but I owe him one just the same. I flipped out for no reason.”

“Well, at least you’re realizing it. Very adult of you.”

“Oh, shut up.” She nudges her and gets up to change.

Y/N gets to Harry’s around 3PM. She paired a green cardigan and a black tank top with a pair of jeans. She gets out of the car and rings his bell. She giggles when she hears Max barking from behind the door.

“Shh, it’s just Y/N.” Harry coos to Max as he opens his door. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Um, come in.” He moves aside and lets her in. “Here, think he misses you.” Y/N takes Max from Harry and snuggles him close.

“It’s only been a couple days.” She pouts at the dog.

“Come, sit, the food’s ready.”

Y/N sets Max down and sits down at the table. Harry already had the grilled cheese and soup out on the table.

“This looks good, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Harry…I know you wanted to apologize, but I realized today that you weren’t totally in the wrong.”

“Yes I was.” He sighs and blows on his soup before slurping some from his spoon. “Maybe it wasn’t what I said, but it was how I said it. I overstepped. You’re a grown woman, I had no right to tell my friend he couldn’t hit it on you.”

“Well, it all worked out because Charlotte seems to have a new fuck buddy on her hands.” She chuckles and takes a bite of her sandwich. “Look, I appreciate you saying all that, but when I was talking to her earlier, I realized I would have done the same thing. I would have told my friends not to flirt with you or try to pick you up, and I would have been pissed if one of them slept with you.”

“You would have?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You know why.” She grumbles. “I…I mean…”

“We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here, Y/N.” He sighs and sits back in his chair.

“We are?”

“Yes. I did a lot of thinking last night, did some talking with my friends. I had to really think about why I got so upset. The thing is, you’re my TA, and you’re going to be my TA next semester as well, most likely. I have a meeting about it Monday. Selfishly, I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

“In more ways than one, obviously.” She smirks.

“Don’t be cute.” He gives her a playful smile. “I think I’d miss you too much, to be honest. I like sharing my office with you. Your help with Max has been great, you’re, like, part of my life now.”

“Is there some rule that says that we can’t…like…go out?”

“I don’t know…I think it would look unprofessional on my part. I know you’re not one of my students, so it’s not as bad as that, but I still have a position of power over you, and if someone found out something was going, it could look really bad. I wouldn’t want something to taint your reputation either.”

“Well, I’ve been over here twice now, and no one’s said a thing.”

“You haven’t been on campus since Thursday. Someone could easily say something to us Monday.”

“A lot of people know I help with Max.”

“Some people may know you used to be a student of mine as well. They could assume something’s been going on for years.”

“Not true, wouldn’t people know about Kelly?” Harry grimaces at the name. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“So…I feel like we’re just going around in circles here, Harry. Like, what are we doing?”

“Well, if I vouch for you to be my TA again next semester, would you? The course would be for Creativity and the Visual World, and I think you could really shine there, talk about IDS. Also, I don’t know what your plans are after you graduate, or where you’ll want to go, but I’ve caught wind that one of the instructional designers on campus is going to retire at the end of the school year.”

“Wow, so you’re like really trying to keep me around.” She smirks.

“It’s not like that.” He chuckles. “I just mean, it could be a good first gig for you. You’re very good at all that, thought you might be interested to know there’s going to be an opening. You know the campus well, it would be a smooth transition for you.”

“That would be ideal, I do want to work in higher ed when I’m done.”

“I could help you with your cover letter, I’m really good at writing those. I’ve helped plenty of students.”

“I’ll definitely look into it.” She finishes what she can of the food, and sits back as well.

“I really am sorry about last night, I felt awful.”

“It’s okay, I really get it.” She sighs. “So…I still don’t know what we’re doing. Are we just choosing not to date anyone else and also not each other? Why should I wait until I graduate to be with someone?”

“M’not asking you to do that. I don’t really know what I’m asking you to do. I just don’t want to be a cliché. The young professor getting with someone that works for him. I’m attracted to you, I can admit that, but I don’t want to get fired, nor do I want your name getting dragged through the mud.”

“So, essentially, while I’m your TA we can’t do anything.”

“Correct.”

“And you’d rather suffer and have me be your TA again next semester just to have me around you, even though it would mean we still couldn’t do anything.”

“Yes.”

“Alright, after the holidays I’ll be staying at my apartment for winter break. We pay for a full year, and I like having the time alone. I also still work at Bento’s.” She stands up and puts her things in the sink.

“What are you saying exactly?”

“I’m saying, over winter break we’re in limbo. I won’t be your TA, and I’ll be all alone in my three bedroom apartment. Perhaps there’ll be a night I’m feeling especially lonely and you’ll have the marvelous idea of visiting me with Max, and whatever happens will happen.”

“And then what? Act like it didn’t when the spring semester starts?”

“I guess we’d cross that bridge when we come to it. All I know is that for six weeks, you will in no way have a position of power over me. By the way, I’m twenty-three years old, it’s like you said, I’m a grown woman. You’re not taking advantage of me. I know how it would look to others, so I can respect where you’re coming from. However, I’d like to try things out before I tell someone I’m going to wait for them.”

With that, Y/N gives Max one last squeeze, and out the door she goes. She was proud of herself. Harry liked her, and he wanted to be with her. It was a dream come true. She also didn’t mind sort of waiting for him, it would just make things all the more hot when they’d finally be able to come together.

The rest of the semester went by…okay. There was a lot of tension, a lot of it. Harry was just thankful it was getting colder which meant that Y/N was bundling up more. She did, however, look insanely cute in her many layers and scarves. They were busy grading, not having much time for chat chit. She started going over his place more, though. They would have little grading parties where they could just spread out and get things done. His place was also another quiet haven for her to escape to.

Charlotte hooked with Niall almost every weekend, it was pretty cute. They were having fun, and Y/N was happy for her friend. Even though sometimes Y/N wished Harry would just fuck her on his kitchen table on top of all the graded papers and tests, and maybe sometimes he fantasized about the same thing, but it had to stay professional. She didn’t want him regretting anything. Sometimes he would come into Bento’s when she was working, she even snuck him in early one morning to show him how she made the croissants he liked so much. They were essentially dating, but without all the physical stuff.

At least Y/N could catch some relief later at night in her bed. She didn’t think of Harry at first. Her routine mostly consisted of headphones, pornhub, and a few orgasms. But there was one particular night her and Harry were sitting in front of his fireplace, and he just looked so sexy, and she wanted him to take her on his living room floor, she didn’t even care if her tailbone would be bruised the next day. She still hadn’t even seen his fucking bedroom, it was the one part of the house she wasn’t allowed in. So she start fantasizing about his bed, and then one thing led to another and she ended up moaning out his name in a shallow breath. It had caught her by surprise, and she was almost embarrassed about it.

Harry would have been lying if he said he wasn’t doing the same thing. It mostly happened early in the morning when he’d take his shower. It just sort of happened. He woke up one morning, rolled over and wished she was there next to him. He had seen her fall asleep so many times, and he thought she was incredibly cute. He liked having Max in the bed, but he wanted Y/N. So when he got into the shower he just couldn’t stop thinking about her. He didn’t feel embarrassed, he didn’t feel guilty, he mostly felt annoyed because he just wanted the real thing.

It was confirmed that Y/N would be his TA again in the spring, and they were both exited. He liked having her in his office, and he thought they worked together really well. It was worth it, it was all going to be worth it.

Harry went home to London for the holidays, and Y/N went home to her parents’ house. It was a tough goodbye. They hugged, and maybe they kissed each other on the cheek, but neither wanted to let go. Y/N loved seeing her family, but ten days was plenty. She liked having her apartment to herself. Nessa and Charlotte wouldn’t be back for a few weeks. That meant Y/N could watch whatever she wanted on TV, she didn’t have to worry about being quiet on the early mornings she had to work, and she could take a long shower.

A big snow storm was coming, which was starting to make Y/N nervous. Stores were closing in preparation, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to weather it alone.

Y/N: are you back from London? Can’t remember when you said you’d be home…

Harry: hey! I was just going to message you, I got back yesterday, was just sleeping off the jetlag. What’s up?

Y/N: this impending storm is freaking me out…

Harry: do you wanna get snowed in at my place? Just stalked up at the grocery store…

Y/N: are you sure? I don’t wanna be a burden :(

Harry: you wouldn’t be! You know I want to see you, so does Max :)

Y/N: okay! I’ll pack a bag and head over, see you soon!

Harry had been cute while he was away, sending Y/N a few selfies of him and Max. She had been to his house so many times, this wouldn’t be weird at all to spend a couple of snowy days together. She gets all her things packed, and makes her way to Harry’s. It was just starting to flurry when she parked in his driveway. He comes outside to help her with her things.

“And this time, you’ll let me set up the pullout for you. No need to sleep on a couch for two days.”

“Okay.”

She was hoping he’d give in and let her sleep in his bed with him. Actually, she was hoping he’d pick her up, swing her around, and kiss her. He sets her things down and waits for her to take her coat off, then he hugs hers.

“Had a good holiday?” He asks as he lets her go.

“Yeah, it was good. You?”

“It was great, love getting to see my family.” Max comes trotting in and greets Y/N.

“There’s my little man.” She scoops him up and gives him kisses.

“I was just going to make some tea, would you like some?”

“Please.” She plops down with Max on the couch.

“Do you have to work at Bento’s during all this? I can drive you if you want.”

“No, they closed in preparation of the storm.”

“Oh, good!”

Y/N turns the TV on, and scrolls through Netflix for something simple to watch. Harry comes over with two mugs of tea and he sits down next to her.

“Find anything good? Feel like it’s all Christmas movies right now.”

“Nothing yet…” She squints at the TV. “How about…oh! Have you watched Love, Victor yet? It’s been on my list for ages.”

“Is it based off of Love, Simon?”

“Yeah! This kid Victor is new in town, and ends up going to the same school Simon did.”

“Sure, we could watch that.”

“Shit, it’s on Hulu, you have that right?”

“Mhm, gimme the remote, I’ll switch it over.” She hands it to him and sips on her tea while he queues it up.

“Mm, this is tasty, what is it?”

“It’s black tea with honey, love.” He looks at her wants to laugh. “I don’t usually add anything, but I thought you’d like the honey.”

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

The show starts just as the sun was setting outside. Y/N pulls the blanket Harry keeps on the back of the couch over her legs, and Max moves to Harry’s lap.

“Let me know if I’m being a blanket hog.”

“S’alright, he keeps me pretty warm.”

“Don’t be annoying.” She huffs and spreads the blanket out equally over them. “See, nice and cozy.”

“I’m not being annoying, I’m being…respectful.”

“Golly gee, thanks, mister.” She pouts at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Now who’s being annoying?”

A couple of episodes in, and Harry’s stomach starts rumbling.

“Are you hungry? I can pop a pizza in the oven, or make some pasta?”

“Pizza would be perfect, thank you.”

“Pause it, I just need a minute to get it in the oven.”

Y/N nods and scrolls through her phone while she waits for him to come back. This was nice. It was like they were hanging out as friends, which was okay, but she was hoping he’d make a move for fuck’s sake.

“Alright, should be about fifteen minutes.” He smiles and gets back under the blanket. Y/N presses and play and they get back into it.

After the pizza, they nearly almost binge the entire show. Harry was starting to doze off, so they decide to call it a night. He looks outside in the kitchen window.

“I am not looking forward to digging out our cars. Times like this I wish I had a garage.” He sighs.

“You say that like you’ll be doing it alone. I’ve got all my snow gear, I can help.”

“Right, like I’d let you break your back out there.” He scoffs, and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Let me make up the pullout for you.”

Y/N watches as Harry moves the coffee table, and hoists the pullout into place. The sheets were already on it, so he just lays the blankets and pillows out.

“Well, I’ll be upstairs with Max if you need anything. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, thanks again for letting me stay. I think I would have been scared all alone.”

“No worries, I’m glad you’re here. I, uh, missed you over the holidays.” He clears his throat and heads upstairs.

Y/N does her nightly routine and puts on a tank top and pajama pants for bed. She gets onto the pullout and tries to listen to some music to fall asleep, but the wind was whipping so harshly outside, it was making her uneasy. She hated storms more than anything. Would Harry mind if she crawled into bed with him? She could even sleep on the floor. She just didn’t want to be down here alone. She sighs and slowly gets out of the bed. She makes her way upstairs.

Harry’s bedroom was the entire upstairs, it was sort of like a loft. He had a king sized bed, a decent looking bedroom set, and an en suite. Y/N thought it was really nice, well, what she could make out of it since it was so dark.

“Harry?” She whispers. His head was in his pillow, sleeping on his tummy.

“Mm?” He grunts, clearly out of it.

“I’m a little scared downstairs, would it be alright if I slept on the floor up here?”

“Get in.” He mumbles.

“Really, are you sure? Because I-“

He flips some of the covers back, eyes still closed. Y/N takes a deep breath and gets into the bed. Max was half asleep, but he moves away from Harry to make room for her, plopping down near his feet. Y/N climbs in and faces away from him. This was such a large bed for one guy, and it made her wonder who was the last person to share it with him. She wanted to keep a respectful distance from him, but before she could start counting sheep, his arm was wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him. Her breath hitched, but she could hear his steady breathing, he was definitely asleep. He must just sleep better when he’s holding onto something, she thinks.

Harry’s eyes flutter open around 5AM. He was used to getting up that early to take Max out, but for some reason he felt like he got some of the most restful sleep he’s gotten in a long time. He feels warm and cozy, and even though he knows he needs to get up and brave the cold so his dog could relieve himself, he found himself nuzzling in to whatever he was holding onto.

That’s when it hits him that he wasn’t dreaming last night, and Y/N genuinely came up into his room because she was feeling uneasy being all alone downstairs. She was still fully clothed, but he wasn’t he was only in his boxers. His leg was between hers, and she was pressed up against him. He wondered if she slept well like this. Just because he slept better holding onto something didn’t mean that she would.

He makes subtle movements, not wanting to wake her. He nearly winced leaving the warmth of the bed, but he got through it. Max pops his head up and Harry puts his finger up to his lips to signal that he needed to be quiet. Harry snatches his sweatpants and a pair of socks, and grabs Max to take him downstairs. He throws his coat and boots on, gets the leash on Max, and out the door he goes. He shoves his beanie down over his ears as he feels the wind whip around. There were snow drifts everywhere and it was still coming down. He uses the flashlight on his phone so Max could see what he was doing.

“Come on, buddy, I know it’s cold, but Daddy doesn’t wanna be out here long.” He wanted to get back to Y/N.

Once Max does his business, Harry gets him so food and fresh water. He strips himself of his jacket and socks, but leaves his sweatpants on. He was shirtless, but he was too groggy from the morning to care. Once Max is all set, Harry carries him upstairs so his collar doesn’t jingle around. He plops him on the bed, and he goes right over to Y/N to curl up with her. Harry uses the bathroom quick, brushing his teeth and all that, and then slowly slides back into bed. Y/N hadn’t moved, still laying on her side facing away from him, so he just wraps himself back around her. Well, he thought she hadn’t moved. The second she heard the door close downstairs, she sprinted down to “her” bathroom to wash up and brush her own teeth. She wasn’t sure if morning snuggles would ensue, but she wanted to be fresh if they did.

A sigh leaves Harry’s lips as he settles back in, pressing nice and close to her and keeping his arm around her waist. She gives it a few minutes, and then she adjust against him. She could tell he was wearing sweatpants now, and not just his boxers. She was subtle about it, not fully pressing her ass against him, just a simple adjustment, so he didn’t think anything of it. After another couple of moments, she presses back into him, and he involuntarily presses forward towards her. He was definitely starting to get hard. He grips her waist a little tighter as he continues to press into her.

“Mm, Harry?” She rolls onto her back to look up at him.

“Hi.” He moves his hand away from her lower stomach to move some hair away from her face. “How’d you end up here, hm?” He asks softly.

“Storms really scare me, and the wind was loud.” She starts smiling. “Feel much better now.” His hand slides down to cup her jaw. “I asked first and you told me to get in.”

“I did, didn’t I…”

“Pulled me right up close to you, it was nice.” She sighs.

“Can’t remember the last time I slept so well, to be honest.”

He lets go of her and flops onto his back, groaning. She rolls onto her side and props herself up with her elbow, resting her cheek on her palm.

“You make things so difficult for yourself. I’m not your TA right now.”

“But you will be again.”

“Because you wanted me to be.”

He looks at her and pouts.

“We’ll see each other more this way.”

“But…wouldn’t it be nice to go out on dates and touch and-“

“You’ve seen how busy I am, I rarely have time to see my friends as it is. I’d feel guilty for not being able to do those things with you.”

“You have me to yourself for the next four weeks, Harry, and the girls won’t be back until a week before school starts.”

“We’d have to stop when the semester starts back up, and wait again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that.”

“We could be discrete.”

“I’d have to be a little cold towards you.”

“You’re no stranger to that.” She scoffs.

“Y/N.” Harry’s hand finds her hip. “This is serious.”

“I’m about to graduate, from grad school, Harry. It’s not like I’m some eighteen year old girl sitting in one of your classes. I’m twenty-three, and you’re twenty-six, it’s really not that weird.”

“I’ll be twenty-seven next month.” He mutters.

“Great, then we can go out and celebrate when the time comes. Is there something in a handbook saying we can’t…do this?”

“It’s extremely frowned upon, I can assure you.” He groans again before speaking. “This is so frustrating, it’s not like you’re my first TA either, fuck, even I was a TA. Shit like this never happened. I’ve never been…attracted to someone I’ve worked with before.”

“You’re probably the only professor I’ve been into before.”

“See, right there, you had a thing for me when you were in my class only a couple of years ago, and-“

“And nothing happened then. You barely remembered me when I first came to your office. I was a flustered senior, that was it. Now…well, I know you now. I’m way less nervous around, I feel like I can really talk to you.”

“I feel the same way.” He sighs. “Fucking, Christ.” He yanks her down to her chest, and she yelps. His fingers scratch at her scalp and she nearly whimpers at how nice it feels to lay on his chest, having him play with her hair. “We can lay here a little longer, and then I need to go to move some of the snow.”

“I’m helping.” She puts a leg over his. “And you’re still a little…riled up, don’t you want to-“

“No.”

“But I could-“

“Y/N.” She looks up at him. “Just lay here with me.”

They both doze back off for a bit until Max starts barking. He must need to pee. Harry gets up and tells Y/N she can shower if she wants to.

“I’ll wait, I’ll get sweaty shoveling.”

“It’s my house, you don’t need to help.” He throws on a long sleeve shirt and thick socks. He looks at her crossing her arms over her chest. “Here.” He tosses her one of his sweaters. “Come on, Max.”

They all head downstairs. His sweater smelled just like him. She hoped she could keep this too just like with the pj’s he had given her a couple of months ago. He takes Max out quick, and then sets him back inside so he can get to shoveling. Y/N decides she could make him breakfast since he wouldn’t let her help outside.

She goes through his fridge and cupboards to find some different things. She wanted to make something that would take some time so it would be warm for him when he got inside.

“Muffins!” She says to herself as she rifles through his baking supplies.

She whips up a mixture of blueberry muffins and get them popped in the oven. She has the glorious idea to slice them in half and butt them up on his griddle when they’re done, just to give it a little crunch. Next, she cracks some eggs into the pan, and makes them sunny side down because she remembers him making them that way. She even finds some bacon to throw on the griddle.

When he comes inside, his nostrils are hit with everything she’s made. Everything was on plates on the kitchen table, and she was washing everything in the sink. He strips down to his boxers, having been drenched with sweat after digging out their cars. The snow was still falling, but it was good to get ahead of things before it all froze.

“Harry, I made…” She freezes when she looks at him. Seeing his full body in the light was much different than in the hazy darkness of his bedroom.

“I didn’t know I had blueberry muffins.” He says as he looks down at the plates.

“You, um, you didn’t, I made them.”

“From scratch?”

“Well, yeah.”

He picks up the muffin bottom and takes a bite. His eyes close for a second as he gets a good taste. It was buttery and a bit crisp from being on the griddle. It was perfection. He turns to her after he swallows.

“You’re…a literal angel.” He steps closer to her, and he notices her eyes drift down and back up. “I’ll go put some clothes, and then-“

She puts a hand on his chest. Her eyes plead with his. Just kiss me, she silently says to him. His hands fly up to her jaw, and he pulls her in, lips crashing together, finally. She melts into him immediately. His tongue slides along her bottom lip, and she opens up for him. She can taste the blueberry muffin on him, and it makes her suck on his tongue. He groans against her, and his hands slide down to her ass to get a good squeeze. She wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him even closer.

“Harry.” She breathes against his lips.

He gets a good grip on her and lifts her up to sit her on the counter. He quickly draws the shades for the window above the sink so anyone out shoveling wouldn’t be able to see anything. He tugs at the sweater of his he was wearing and lifts it off her. Her legs open wide for him to stand between. His lips attach to the crook of her neck, sucking, licking, biting. Her hips buck towards his as she tugs at his hair. One of his hands lifts her shirt slightly, and she thinks he’s going to feel her breasts up, but instead his fingers find the band of her pajama pants. He stops to look at her.

“Can I?”

“Yes.”

His hand dips below, and it’s almost like he’s searching for something else.

“Are you not wearing any knickers?”

“No.” She blinks at him. “I don’t usually wear underwear to bed.”

“Jesus Christ.”

She opens her legs a little wider for him, and he groans when his fingers touch around her folds, and he feels her wetness sticking to him already. His other arm wraps around behind her to hold her close to him. He plays around with her, fingers rubbing all around until his middle finger slides in. She gasps, not having expected so much so soon, but she wasn’t complaining. She clutches at his shoulders when she feels another finger slip inside. He twists them around, just getting a feel for things, and he curls them up, knowing this was what she really wanted.

“Oh! Oh my god.” Her head rolls back. He was make that come here motion right on that sweet spot of her front wall. His lips find her neck again as he continues. His thumb starting to rub on her clit. “Oh fuck, Harry, oh my god.” She didn’t realize how whiney she could sound, but he loved. She was a mess for him.

“Been thinking about this for so long.” He says into her ear.

“Me too.” She was panting now. “It feels so good.”

“Yeah? Like having my fingers buried inside you?”

Her mouth falls open. He was into dirty talk and it made her clench around him.

“Yes, oh my fucking god, yes.” She bites down on his collar bone to try to muffle any louder noises, but he was knuckle deep, fucking her with his fingers, it was no use. “Harry, I’m so close, oh fuck!”

His hand around her waist reaches up to tug at the back of her head. He wanted to watch her go through the motions. He wanted to see just how good he was making her feel. Her eyes rolls into the back of her head as she continues to beck forward. Her release was long, and so very good. She cried out, maybe a little louder than she should have, but he wasn’t telling her to keep it down. Did he want his neighbors to hear? Did he want them to know how good he could fuck someone?

He slows down his motions inside of her, helping her through the aftershocks, and then he slowly retracts his fingers. He sucks them into his mouth and then steps away from her. She was breathless. He kisses her cheeks and then helps her hop down from the counter.

“You made such a nice breakfast, let’s not let it go to waste.”

“Harry…” She watches him sit down.

“What?”

“Don’t you want to-“

“I’m all sweaty, I’d like to take a shower before going further if that’s alright with you.”

“Okay.”

She sits down with him and eats her food that she was now ravenous for.

“You really made this from scratch?”

“Yeah, I’m glad you like it.”

“It’s delicious.”

They finish eating and decide to clean up later. She follows him upstairs to his shower. He helps her out of her clothes and lets her get in first. She throws her hair up into a bun so it doesn’t get soaked. He rids himself of his boxers and gets in behind her. She moves aside so he can wash up. She presses her front to his back, and her hands roam along his long torso.

“You made me feel so good, I think it’s your turn.”

She kisses on his back while she starts to stroke his hardening length. It felt so big in her hand. Harry’s head falls to his chest, and he presses a palm to the tile wall to keep himself grounded. She runs her thumb over his tip and he groans. He grabs her hand and turns around. He backs her up to the opposite wall, cradling the back of her head as he basically slams her against it. His lips are on hers in seconds. Everything felt hot and wet, and just otherworldly. Y/N couldn’t enough. In the back of her head she kept thinking that she couldn’t believe this was happening. It wasn’t often that she got what she wanted.

“Please, fuck me.” She says against his lips.

“I don’t have any condoms.” He kisses down her neck and kneads her breasts.

“I’m on the pill.”

“S’not what I’m worried about.” He pulls his head back to look at her. “Are you clean?”

“I am, actually. I was tested last time I went to the doctor. Are you?”

“I am.” He smiles. “So…you really wanna feel all of me? Just like that?”

“Yes.” She whines. “Please.”

He kisses her and bites on her bottom lip, sucking on it as he pleases. He lifts one of legs up over his hip, and uses his other hand to line himself up. She was still plenty wet, so he’s able to push inside.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He grunts, trying to push further inside her. “So tight.”

“I…Christ, I think you’re just really big.” She gasps once he’s all the way inside.

His head drops to watch himself slowly thrust in and out of her. He bites his bottom lip at the sight. He looks back up at her, watching her features.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Could you maybe just hold my leg up?”

Harry nods and hooks his arm under leg, driving in deeper. Her head rolls back against the tile. Once he knew she was okay, he didn’t let up. He was fucking her hard and fast, only slowing up so he could hear her whimper and beg for more. Her nails were clawing at his back, and it was just egging him on. He uses his other hand to rub at her clit. She was starting to breathe heavier, moan after moan leaving her lips. He could tell she was close.

“Gonna come again for me?”

“Yes, fuck, I’m almost there, Harry!”

He sucks the tender skin of her neck between his teeth, and that’s what pushes her over the edge. Her senses totally overwhelmed. He gasps when he feels how deeply her nails dig into him from going through the motions of her orgasm. He pulls out of her quickly and comes on her stomach. He’s out of breath, pressing kisses to her cheek and neck.

“No going back now.” He says as he caresses her cheek.

“Nope.” She smiles.

He pecks her lips and turns back around to stand in the water again. Her eyes grow wide and he winces once the water cascades over him.

“Harry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”

“It didn’t hurt while it was happening, is it bleeding?” He looks over his shoulder trying to see for himself.

“Um…I broke the skin, but it’s not bloody.” She blushes. “Yikes, that’s embarrassing.”

“No it’s not.” He chuckles and moves so she can rinse her stomach off in the water. She turns it off and they both step out to towel off. “I wasn’t hurting you was I?”

“No, oh my god, it felt so good. Feels like I’m still throbbing.”

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close. She rests her hands on his chest.

“Do you like ice skating?”

“What?” She laughs. “Yeah, I love it, why?”

“Because once this storm is over, m’taking you on a proper date.” He kisses her forehead and lets her go. “Would you like that?”

“I’d love it.”

Harry was so peculiar, Y/N thought. One second he’s saying they can’t be together and the next he wants to take her out on a date. What she didn’t know was that he had never felt quite so good while having sex. It wasn’t because she felt incredibly tight around him, it had more to do with the trust and natural connect. He felt happy, a feeling he thought would never return.

To Y/N’s surprise, Harry was a really good ice skater. The two of them were like a real couple. He would visit her at work, they’d go out to the bar with his friends, and they’d have sleep overs at each other’s places. He quite liked her apartment. Not to mention, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. If they were going for a brisk walk, his hand was in hers. If they were sitting through a move, his arm was around her shoulders, and of course they were having a lot of sex. Even when she had her period, he fucked her.

“Got my red wings years ago, promise it doesn’t gross me out.” He had told her.

And god, when he ate her out. Sometimes they wouldn’t even have full on sex. Sometimes they’d be on the couch, and he’d ask if she would ride her face, and then they would just sixty-nine. Sometimes she would just blow him because she liked the way his come tasted. Harry drank a fuck ton of pineapple juice, even before they started hooking up, he always had a small can of it in his office. He just liked the taste. They were just intimate in all sorts of ways, totally comfortable.

It was when Nessa and Charlotte returned that Harry’s bubbled had to burst. School would be starting in a week, and he needed to make sure his shit was together. He had been to the office a few times, working to make sure his courses were together. He and Y/N were professional and went over the class she would be the TA for.

“This is gonna have to be what it’s like when school starts again, don’t forget.” He would say. It killed her, but she would never do anything to put his job at risk, even if she didn’t think their situation was all that serious. She had to respect his wishes.

“I’d feel more comfortable if you slept over at my place since their home.”

“Harry, they know what’s been going on…Niall and Charlotte still talk, and they-“

“I don’t care, I’d rather you be here…and only on the weekends.”

“What?”

“Saturday nights can be our night. On the weekends, you’re not my TA.”

“What will I be then?”

“My girl.”

They had put the boyfriend/girlfriend label chat on the back burner, but that was all she needed to hear to know that she was really his, and he certainly didn’t want someone else trying to steal her away. He had gotten her a necklace, it was simple, but very much her style. A way of showing her how much she truly meant to him.

“Anytime during the week you’re feeling like I don’t want you because I can’t show my affection, this will be your reminder of how much I care.”

She thought it was incredibly sweet, and it was nice to have the reassurance. When classes started, it was definitely difficult. The one thing getting her through this first week was his birthday party on Saturday. Just a small thing with friends at the bar, but still. They wouldn’t have to hide there, or so she thought. Some other professors were invited to the party, which meant Harry couldn’t touch Y/N. He frowned immediately. He wasn’t in charge of the guest list. He pulls Y/N to the side before they walk into the main area.

“I’m so sorry, I promise when we get back to my place later I’m gonna love on you all night.”

“Harry, it’s okay. It’s your birthday, I’m the one that’ll be doing the loving. Go on, enjoy.”

He gives her a discrete peck on the cheek, and then walks into the main room to say hello to everyone. Y/N invited Charlotte and Nessa, so she had other people to talk to. Niall’s arm was hooked around Charlotte’s waist the entire night. Y/N and Nessa teased her every chance they got.

“I’ve been told to check in on you. Orders from the birthday boy.” Louis says to Y/N.

“Thanks.” She chuckles. “It’s okay. Next year things will be totally different.”

“Really see things lasting then, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question.

“I think so, yeah. If the person who he said actually retires, I’m hoping to be able to work at the university to start out.”

“That would be great. He raves about you, you know? He’s a simple guy, likes being domestic. I think he said one of his favorite things to do with you is just cook a meal together.”

“Aw, he’s so sweet.” She pouts. “I like doing that too.”

Harry was mingling with everyone that came out for his birthday. Everyone sang to him, a cake was made him too. The second he tasted it he knew Y/N had baked it. He thought at the least they could have their picture taken together, that wouldn’t look weird.

“Harry!” One of the faculty members, Constance, comes over to him, a young woman by her side. “There’s someone I want you to meet, this is my daughter, Angie.”

“Oh! Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you.” He politely shakes her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” She blushes.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Constance winks and walks away.

“I’m so sorry about her. She conned me into coming here, hope I’m not crashing your birthday.”

“You’re not.” He looks back at Y/N and then to Angie. “So, this is a set up then?”

“She seems to think we have a lot in common.”

“And perhaps we might, but…I’m sort of seeing someone. It’s a…long distance thing, so she’s not here tonight, unfortunately.”

“Oh! She could have sworn you were single, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m sure you’re lovely, I just really like this woman and I don’t want to screw it up.” He smiles and she nods.

Harry finally makes his way over to Y/N and Louis.

“Do me a favor,” He says to Louis, taking out his phone. “Take a picture of us.”

“Are you sure?” Y/N asks.

“Positive.” He smiles and puts an arm around her shoulders. Louis snaps a couple of shots and hands Harry his phone back. “Sorry you won’t be able to post these…”

“Well, I could, my insta is private, but we can talk about it later.”

“Lou, could you drop Y/N off at my place when this is over, we drove together, but I don’t wanna risk anyone seeing us leave in the same car.”

“Course, mate.”

Harry nods and walks away to continue talking to other people.

“He acts like you’re his student. I don’t see anything wrong with you two doing what you’re doing.”

“I don’t either.” She sighs. “But he worked so hard to get where he is, I have to respect doing things his way. It was a long week, but I’m happy to be going back to his place later.”

Y/N’s lips were on Harry’s the second he let her through the door. He made sure to get home before her so they didn’t even leave at the same time. She had him pushed against the wall and his hands were all over her.

“Missed you so fucking much.” He says, walking her back towards the living room. “And I loved the watch you got me, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Wanted to.” She starts unbuttoning his shirt and pushes him down on the couch, straddling him in no time.

“Gonna let me lick it, angel?”

“Is that what you want?”

“You have no idea. You’re as sweet as the cake you made me.”

“How did-“

“Y/N, I know it’s only been a month, but I’d know your baked goods anywhere.” He smirks.

She giggles and stands up to unbutton her jeans. He yanks them down her legs along with her panties and she kicks them to the side. Harry lays down on the couch and Y/N hovers over his face. He liked it better this way. One, he didn’t have to get on his knees and suffer through the pain of being on the hardwood. Two, he liked the way Y/N would just ride his tongue.

Max was upstairs, thanks to the gate. So they didn’t have to worry about him coming down and jumping on them.

“Fuck, Harry.” She moans. “Your tongue feels so good.” She rocks her hips back and forth on him, the stubble from his chin feeling extra delicious. He moans against her, lapping up every drop. “You like that, birthday boy? Like having me on you like this?” She looks down at him and see his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He sucks on her clit harshly, and that pushes her over the edge. “Oh, fuck!”

Once she’s through, she climbs off him. Before she knows it, he’s throwing her over his shoulder to bring her upstairs. He gives her bum a smack and she squeals. Y/N left plenty of scratch marks on Harry that night.

Y/N was antsy for every weekend. The weeks dragged on, and the weekends went by in a flash. Then she remembered something wonderful.

“Spring break!” She says, bursting into their shared office.

“What about it?” Harry chuckles.

“Two weeks off without the students!” She leans a little closer to him. “Two weeks of me not being your TA.” She grins and then sits down in her seat.

“We’ll be grading, darling.” He says nonchalantly.

“This is a pet name free zone, remember?”

“Sorry.” He smirks. “Didn’t think ‘darling’ would get your knickers in twist.”

“Fuck off.” She rolls her eyes. “Do we seriously have to grade? Can’t we do fun things? I have time off from school, I don’t wanna do anything.”

“M’surprised you don’t want to go home or go with your friends somewhere.”

“I’ve done the whole go to Florida and get blitzed thing, I’m all set. And I may go home for a couple of days, but I don’t really like being home long. Somehow I get stuck doing chores, and I get aggravated.”

“I’ll tell you what, if we get through enough of the grading, we can do something really fun.”

“Deal.” She smiles.

Sometimes Y/N felt like this was only hard for her, but it killed Harry. He had fantasies of bending Y/N over his desk, or even just kissing her good morning. He even started letting her come over on Friday nights instead of Saturday because he just couldn’t wait any longer. He knew he was being overly careful, but he just couldn’t risk it.

Harry stayed true to his word. They got through a lot of the grading so drove them out to the coast for a walk on the pier at a large beach. It was still too chilly for real beach weather, but there were less people around this time of year, and some of the shops were open. Y/N clung to Harry’s arm and they both just enjoyed the fresh air and the scenery. He took her to a nice dinner, and then they walked for a bit to watch the sunset.

“This was the perfect day.” She sighs as they begin their drive back to his place.

“It really was.” His rests his hand on her thigh and gives it a squeeze. “I love you, Y/N.”

She whips her head to look at him. His eyes were focused on the road. Tears start to prick at her eyes. No one ever said that to her before. She had been in relationships, but she never really got to a point for such strong words, and she certainly never felt it back.

“I love you, too.”

“Aw, look at us.” He smiles. “Two people in love.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to say that…” She sniffles.

“Hey, no need to cry, darling.”

“I just…no one’s ever told me they loved me before.”

“What?!” He squeezes her leg tighter. “But there’s so much to love. You’re kind, caring, an incredible baker, witty, funny, brilliant-“

“Harry, please.” She chuckles. “When we get home we’re making love.”

“I’ve made love to you before, just didn’t say anything. Anytime we’re really soft and careful, I’m making love to you.”

“God.” Her face flushes, thinking of the many sensual times he’s touched her. “Well, I can’t wait to do it again.”

It was a Tuesday, which meant Y/N wouldn’t be in the office with Harry. She had class and then a shift at Bento’s. He wanted her to be able to nap in between. He saw that the open IDS position had been posted, and he emailed her immediately. He couldn’t wait to work on her resume and cover letter together.

“Harry?” Constance knocks on the outside of his door.

“Hey, Connie! Come on in.” He beams at her. She squints at his collar, seeing just the top of a love bite.

“Did you see that girlfriend of yours this weekend?” She asks, as she sits down.

“Sure did.” He smiles. “I saw her for a while over spring break too, told her I loved her, and she said it back. I’m on cloud nine. M’sorry things didn’t line up with your daughter, she’s a very pretty girl. My friend Lou is single, maybe-“

“Harry, Harry.” She chuckles. “No worries at all, she’s been dating around a bit. I shouldn’t have just assumed you were single, and that’s great that you two are doing so well. I think I thought you weren’t seeing anyone because with your last girlfriend…well…you had pictures of her on your desk, and you gushed about her. We don’t even know this one’s name.”

“You will soon enough.” Harry did have pictures of Y/N, they were just discrete. His lock screen was the picture of them at his birthday, and his wallpaper was just a picture of her. He could look at her whenever he wanted. “She’s, uh, finishing up grad school.”

“Oh, good for her! Anyways, I came here to chat with you about my sabbatical. Obviously it’s turned into a full year instead of just the fall semester. We’re going to have a department meeting, but I wanted to see how you’d feel about stepping in as department chair while I’m gone.”

“Are you serious?!” He perks up.

“Yes.” She chuckles.

“That would be a dream! I have so many ideas, and-“

“It would mean you wouldn’t be able to teach as many classes, and you’ll have more responsibilities over winter and summer break.”

“That’s no problem, honestly. I only go to London for a couple of weeks, I’m usually in the area for summer. I’d love to give it a go. I didn’t think I’d be next in line.”

“It’s coming from my own suggestion. I’ve been doing this a long time, and I think you’d be great at it. It would sort of be a trial, and then when I come back we could reflect on the experience.”

Harry was buzzing, absolutely buzzing. He needed to tell Y/N about his good news, so he hops in his car, and zips over to her apartment. She was vegging out in a t-shirt and panties with Nessa and Charlotte, who were both dressed in the same thing. They hear the bell on their door.

“Who the fuck is that? It’s nearly nine.” Nessa says.

“No idea.” Y/N says, getting up to check it out. She sees Harry through the peephole. Her eyebrows raise, but she opens the door. “Dr. Styles, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Y/N, I’m sorry for…” He looks her up and down. “This is how you open the door?!”

“I saw it was you.” She shrugs and steps aside to let him in.

“Hi, Harry.” Charlotte and Nessa say at the same time.

“Hi girls.” He smiles and looks at Y/N. “I got great news today and I just had to see you, can we got to your room?”

“Of course.” Once they’re both in there, they sit on her bed. “So what’s up? I got your email about the job, I’m really excited.”

“Good news for both of us today. Connie, my department chair, came by to see me today, and she wants me to be department chair while she’s on sabbatical next year while she’s gone. It would be like a trial run. Me! Department chair! I have so many ideas, this is the opportunity I’ve been hoping for.”

“Oh, Harry.” She throws her arms around him. “That’s incredible, I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” He holds her in his arms for a moment and then lets her go so he can stand up. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Harry…” She whines.

“Don’t start, I just wanted to see your face when I told you.”

“You could have FaceTimed me.”

“Oh.” He shakes his head. “It’s been a long day.” He chuckles.

“You can stay.”

“No, I can’t.” He caresses one of her cheeks. “I want to, but I can’t. Soon, babe, so soon.”

“Um…” She stands up and looks down. “If I get this job…I mean…the lease for this place is up June first, and…well…the girls are going to be working in schools, and won’t need to live here anymore, and…I mean, I could find new roommate and sign a new lease...”

“Or, you could come move in with me.” He takes her hands in his and kisses her knuckles.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I want you to. I want you around all the time. Being apart from you during the week really fucks with how clingy I naturally am.” He smirks.

“I like it, though. We spend all weekend in your big, comfy bed.”

“Look forward to it every week.” He sighs happily. “Just gotta get through you walking across that stage, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” He kisses her cheek. “I love you, sweet dreams.”

“I love you too.”

Harry helped Y/N apply for the job, and after two nerve-wracking rounds of interviews, and two weeks of pure stress that even Harry’s cock couldn’t squash, she got the call that she got the job. Harry took Y/N out to celebrate, they both nearly cried when she got the call. She told her parents and they were ecstatic.

“In a few years, if you feel like it, you could get your PhD for free through the university.” He says to her as they’re laying in bed.

“Hm, three degrees from the same place.” She taps her chin. “Doesn’t seem like a great idea.”

“If you can do it for free, you should. It was the smartest thing I ever did. Well that, and giving into you.”

“Giving into me?!” She laughs. “You make it sound like I seduced you.”

“I fell for you so hard. You’re just so wonderful.” He pouts. “Are your parents excited to meet me in a couple of weeks? I’m excited to meet them.”

“They’re definitely curious to see who the guy I’m going to be moving in with is.”

“Are you going to miss the girls?”

“So much! They’ve been great to live with. Nessa’s moving in with Andy. She found a college in the city he works in to teach at. She’s so good at putting productions together, I’m excited for her. Charlotte may be in the area, though. Something tells me the school she’ll be teaching at is close by to Niall.”

“I’ve never seen him so smitten. He takes the more serious part of a relationship slow, but once he’s in he’s in.” He pulls her closer to him. “Everything’s falling into place. I’ve been working with Connie to get prepared for the fall, and I couldn’t be more excited.”

“I’m really proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you too, babe.”

The day they had both been waiting for was finally here. The graduate ceremony was in the evening, separate from the undergraduate ceremony. Y/N wouldn’t be able to see Harry until after the ceremony. She was busy with her parents and younger siblings. Harry may have clapped and cheered extra loud when she walked across the stage. Most people around him thought it was just because she had been his TA for an entire year. Literally no one suspected more was going on between them. After today it wouldn’t matter anyways.

There was a champagne reception after the ceremony. Y/N easily found her family.

“We’re so proud of you honey. Another degree, a new job, and you’re moving in with a guy!” Her mom says.

“I’m still not thrilled about the last part. We don’t even know him.” Her dad says.

“But I do, so it’s a good thing I’m the one living with him, not you.”

Harry makes his way through the crowd over to her and her family. He takes a deep breath, and when she spots him she squeals. She runs over and jumps into his arms. They kiss as he swings her around.

“You did it!”

“I did it!” They both jump up and down for a moment. “Come on.” She holds his hand to bring him over to everyone. “Harry, these are my parents, and my two younger siblings. Ellie is going to be a senior in college this fall, and Ryan is going to be a sophomore. He’s actually transferring here in the fall.”

“That’s great! Hi, it’s so nice to meet all of you.” He shakes everyone’s hands.

“Damn, a PhD.” Ellie whispers to her sister and winks. “Nice job.” The girls giggle together.

They all decide to go out to dinner together to get to know each other better. Harry and Y/N would be meeting up with Charlotte, Nessa, and the others at the bar once dinner was over. Y/N explains how they waited a while to make things official because Harry wanted to make sure things remained professional. Harry easily impressed her parents. He was incredibly smart and knew how to work people over. Even her dad was happy with him.

Y/N got pretty drunk at the bar with her friends, and Harry was able to keep his arms around her all night without a care in the world. When he got her inside his place, he couldn’t stop kissing her and telling her much he loved her over and over. She was excited to start her new job in a couple of weeks, and he was excited she genuinely wanted to stay, and wasn’t just doing this for him. They would spend the time before starting her job to get her all moved in. They even talked about getting a larger place at some point.

“I can’t wait to snuggle with Mac every night.” She giggles as she gets into bed.

“Hey, what about me?” He pouts.

“I guess you’re nice to snuggle with too.” She jokes.

“Mhm.” He kisses on her and hovers over her. “My girl’s got her master’s. You’re so fucking smart, it turns me on.”

“Really?”

“When we did those mock interviews in my office I couldn’t stop thinking about fucking you.”

“Does this mean we can get a little sneaky in your office now?” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Or are you staying firm with your open door policy?”

“Think I may have to reconsider it, but only for you.”

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles angst #harry styles slow burn #slow burn #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles smut fic #hope you like!

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papermonkeyism · 2 years

Note

Hello! I just wanted to say hi and when I was in I think high school I followed Wurr like religiously through DeviantArt and now it's a decade later and I remembered how much I enjoyed it and I was like huh I wonder if I can find it again and lo and behold I found you again and you're still making lovely and charming art and I adore your wingbeans they're so cute!!! Are you still writing Wurr? Or have you moved on to other projects it's over the years?

Aww, thanks. I'm glad you like my work!

So the thing with Wurr.

There are more pages drawn than there are online, but I can't upload those, because the story is at a place where it's going to start a long series of cliffhangers, and there just isn't enough buffer for me to start publishing pages again without being left hanging, and once I'll run out of pages I'd like the story to be at a point where it won't be left in a too painful place because I get enough angry messages demanding continuation as is.

When I started Wurr (in 2007) I was in an art school for animation, surrounded by peers and I was able to draw in a company that could beta read my pages while I was making them. Once I left there, I went to another art school, this time for comics, and was able to dedicate more time for the comic, and this is where my drawing it really took off. Again, being surrounded by peers who could beta while I worked.

After that I went into yet another art school, this time for my Bachelor's in multimedia production. Nothing is better for drawing comics than art history lectures, I tell ya. While my classmates weren't as involved or interested in my work, I did have a friend from the graphic design department. My Brainstorm Buddy lived nearby, we both had our own comics we worked on, so we formed our own two person comic drawing peer group. We could critique each other while we were drawing, cheering each other, and it was awesome.

Then I graduated, and the Brainstorm Buddy moved to another town. But it was fine, I had plenty of free time as unemployed. I had trouble drawing alone on my own without live critique, but I made it work. I couldn't focus at home, but I had this small ice cream cafe I could go to draw.

Then I got a job at a warehouse, and suddenly I had to dedicate 11 hour chunks of my days for being at work or commuting. It was quite draining in itself, and also having a time consuming, mentally demanding extra job like a plot heavy comic with full pencil shading at the side was getting harder.

I started slipping. Small errors that I didn't notice while drawing but people pointed out once I published the pages, and I had to go back to redraw and frankenstein several of them. It's all done by pencils and markers on real paper, so I couldn't just copy-paste move things around a bit when I made mistakes. I started to get slower in my drawing to compensate...

Untill I became so anxious and self-conscious about my slowness that one single comment was enough to break me, and I was forced to take a hiatus.

At one point I was about to get my act back together, started drawing pages again and did, in fact, upload few pages, but that's when the pandemic hit. I don't have many IRL friends to begin with, and we don't comic together anyway, and then we just stopped seeing each other for a while. The little ice cream cafe closed down and doesn't exist anymore. Tried to find another cafe, and even found one, but that also closed down.

I have no comic drawing peer group. I have no place to draw, to think.

And nowdays whenever I so much as mention Wurr online, I get people coming to my ask box or comments to lament how hard it is that there's no comic updates. Most just make me feel bad, guilty for letting the comic down. Telling me how much of a shame it is that I've quit or killed it. How sad the characters must be. I once got an entire eulogy for the comic! Wish I had screen shotted it before deleteing... Or that one comment calling me irrelevant and pathetic and I should just continue Wurr. (I'm actually not even mad at that one, it was such an obvious case of an arsehole I just blocked them and moved on, but if I ever need proof I can find it again) Quite recently had someone send me a lecture on how I shouldn't work for external validation and should continue drawing the comic for myself instead after I merely mentioned Wurr in an ask.

See, it turns out I appear to have a pretty severe case of ADHD (diagnosis currently in process) that was never a bother when I had a peer group and an environment where to draw, because storytelling is one of my special interests. But I absolutely suck at focusing by myself when I'm stuck home with only my own brain as company. I'm just swimming in brain fog these days, and Wurr requires an alert brain to handle all the plot threads, characters, timing, environmental planning, etc.

I live alone. In a tiny one-room apartment. I have very few IRL friends. I have my DnD group that helps me stay sane, but we usually only see each other when we play DnD. The one of them I mostly hang out with outside of games is kinda new, we just started hanging out last fall. Haven't talked comics with him, and he hasn't read Wurr. I did draw a comic page with another one of my DnD buddies last year, but we just don't hang out like we used to.

Would be nice to get to comic again one day. There are things planned in the comic's future I'd like to see done. I just do not have enough mental bandwidth to focus on it right now, or the peer/brainstorm/beta buddy to help corral my scattered, foggy brain away from the most obvious errors.

*shrug* Dunno. Maybe if I manage to get the ADHD medicated. And a cafe to draw in. I miss having a Brainstorm Buddy.

I mean, yeah, I have other projects ("as well as" not "instead of"), but I'm not writing anything at the moment, I'm just drawing whatever feels fun to draw. My thoughts are visual and I can't brain words. I'm always juggling multiple headworlds at any given time anyway (see: ADHD).

#Wurr

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kuroosweakness · 3 years

Text

kiss kiss | sakusa kiyoomi <3

this is the my favorite sakusa mini fic i’ve written yet :)) and my longest work! over 2000 words!

“i don’t think i’ll ever understand the concept of kissing,” sakusa mumbles to komori as he leans down to tie his shoes. his shoes are already tied, but he needs to do something to hide his face for a couple of seconds. naturally, his curls fall to the sides of his face, just as he expected.

komori quickly whirls around with a :) and a :0 face combined. “what was that??” he teases and crouches down to see his cousin’s hidden face.

“i was just sayin’“ sakusa shrugs off. “it’s just people touching lips and sharing saliva. it’s disgusting. why people do it? i’ll never understand.” after dusting off his hands, sakusa gets up from the bench and stands up, having forgotten his tall height and head bumping right into a light.

sakusa grimaces and rubs his head, trying his best to pretend it didn’t hurt at all. “stupid light,” he grumbles as he walks away. komori watches on, trying his best not to laugh while making a mental note to watch out for the low lights.

~~~

“komori.”

“hiya!” komori looks up at his cousin while continuing to stretch out his legs.

“...have you ever kissed anyone?”

“...like, full on make-out?” komori quietly asks as he makes kissy hands to demonstrate. sakusa immediately frowns and crouches down.

“stop making those weird gestures,” sakusa quietly scolds. “it’s embarrassing...”

“what’s there to be embarrassed about?” komori softly chuckles while nervously scratching the back of his head. “why do you ask?”

sakusa’s eyes divert away. “...just curious to know.”

“well....” komori taps his chin in thought. “there’s this one friend i’ve kissed before. but it wasn’t anything too serious...”

sakusa looks at the ground below him, wondering if he should sit his whole butt down or keep crouching. he decides to keep asian-squating. “so how’d you initiate the kiss? like what did you do?”

“...i think we’re supposed to be practicing receives right now,” komori sheepishly says while pointing at their teammates all practicing. the bump sounds and shoe creaks suddenly becomes audible to sakusa.

“oh.” and with that, sakusa gets up and walks toward the pile of volleyballs.

~~~

“remember the question i asked you last week?” sakusa breathes through his mask as he and komori jogs down the streets. he’s overly dressed for a jogger, especially in spring. everyone’s surprised he can move so freely in such a heavy jacket.

“...what..... question?” komori asks, glancing at his cousin before looking back at the road in front of them.

“you know what question.”

“...i dont?” komori pants as he slows down his jogging pace.

“the question....that....made you...do weird hand....gestures”

“ohhhh the kissing question?”

sakusa nods and moves to the side to avoid the kids walking toward them.

“i’ve already told you....i’ve only kissed one person before. say, why’re you curious in my love life?” komori teasingly elbows sakusa as they come to a walking pace.

sakusa annoyingly elbows him back. “is it so bad i want to know?”

“it’s just not like you,” komori chuckles. at the sight of a bakery in front of them, his eyes immediately lightens up. “we should go there!!”

sakusa’s eyes meet where komori’s pointing, then meets komori’s face, wondering if his cousin will share answers if he agrees. “okay. but back to my question about initiating the kiss.”

“well, you’ll have to find someone you want to kiss first,” komori laughs. “and i don’t think you’ve found that person, judging from the way you always judge couples and bad breath.”

“don’t be so quick to assume things,” sakusa grumbles under his mask.

“anywaysss, you kinda have to know that the other person wants to kiss you too, ya’know?”

“i don’t know,” sakusa dryly says, stating out the obvious.

“yeah, tell me something i didn’t know,” komori replies and opens the bakery front door. waves of freshly baked bread fill their noses. komori dramatically inhales and exhales. sakusa lowers his mask. a little “ding” rings as the door opens and closes.

“it’s so warm in here!” komori happily exclaims. “you sure you’re not gonna became toast yourself with that jacket on?”

sakusa rolls his eyes.

“back to the kissing topic,” komori starts. “consent is really important! you have to make sure they want to kiss you. and to know, just before kissing, you have to ask.”

“lower your voice,” blushy-faced sakusa mumbles. “there’s people looking at us weirdly.”

“not at me weirdly,” komori remarks. “just at you!”

“i don’t know why i talk to you sometimes.”

“i’ll pretend i didn’t hear that!” komori happily bounces over to the counter and tells the pretty cashier his order. “kiyoomi, you want anything?”

“no, not really.”

“okay!” komori excitedly accepts his paper bag full of baked goods and eagerly munches into a chocolate croissant. “i was thinking that maybe we can stop and eat for a while”

komori eating = less judgmental komori. who is he kidding, sakusa knows he himself is the most judgmental person he knows. “okay”

as sakusa pulls out a seat facing away from the door, a little “ding” rings through the bakery.

“oh look!” komori munches. “it’s y/n! hi y/n!”

sakusa’s stomach drops. his hands have never felt so clammy and cold before. maybe if he stays completely still, then you won’t notice him.

“hi y/n!” komori calls again.

“we’re going home. stop- stop stop stop we’re going home. i need to go home,” sakusa hastily mutters under his breath and gets up so fast, suddenly wishing his mask can cover his whole face. since you’re standing at the doorway, he waits until you walk inside to walk out.

komori quickly gathers his stuff and says a quick apology to you. “sorry about him! well, we’ll catch ya later!”

confused, yet unfazed, you give him a little smile and waves back.

~~~

“so how was it?”

“...not good,” sakusa’s face and curls fall into his hands. he groans and falls back on the his bed. “anyways, i need to study-”

“no no no, i need to know!” komori insists. “most people’s first kiss isn’t that great so...you’re not the only one.”

“how am i even supposed to see them again,” sakusa groans again and squirms around on the bedsheets. “it was so bad. so bad. so so bad. so so sooooo bad-”

“do you have thoughts about kissing them again??”

“yes,” he mumbles and swiftly grabs the nearest pillow and hugs it to his chest, hiding his face in the process. “all the damn time.”

“then it didn’t go as bad as i thought!” komori exclaims.

~~~

“so you’re not gonna tell me how it went?”

“why’re you so nosy???” sakusa scrunches up his nose.

“you were the one who asked about my first kiss first,” komori defends, pulling back in playful offense.

“like i said, it wasn’t good.”

“how was it not good?”

“the kissing tutorial videos didn’t work.”

“....you watched kissing tutorials????!!”

“komori motoya, if you don’t be quiet i swear-”

“did they at least want to kiss you?”

“...i don’t even know if we’re...together. this is so embarrassing. i was too impatient. i shouldn’t have. i rushed things. they didn’t even tell me they like me. what if they just went along with it and didn’t actually want-”

“i think you’re overthinking too much...”

“can we just walk to school in silence?”

“after you tell me first! i can give advice!”

“i nearly missed their lips. and i froze up when we actually made contact. i was stiff. i couldn’t move. plus my mask shifted upward and completely interrupted us, which i’m kinda thankful for.”

komori stifles a laugh. “so...what’re you gonna do for your second one?”

~~~

“i saw them with his stupid, ugly guy who if you put his teeth next to a beaver’s, no one would be able to tell the difference.”

“....we all know you’re not the nicest person, but isn’t that a little mean..and a bit of an exaggeration?” komori chuckles and shifts his foot inside his volleyball shoes.

“they have poor, poor taste in men.”

“well...they did kiss you once...”

“i don’t know anymore,” sakusa sighs. “i need to just focus on volleyball.”

~~~

“i hate it here. absolutely hate. it. here.” with a grumble he tosses his clothes on his backpack and pads across the gym to get his water bottle.

komori side-eyes his cousin. whether or not to ask what he’s talking about, even though he knows exactly what–no, who–he’s talking about.

“is this volleyball related?” komori asks when sakusa walks back.

...

“you’ve never given up anything you’ve set your heart on,” komori kindly reminds him. “so why’re you giving up now?”

“because all the things i’ve done, i was in completely control of” sakusa swings his backpack over his shoulder. “i can’t control other people’s feelings....nor do i want to.”

“did something bad happen?” komori dashes to catch with his cousin, and the tea.

“guess who i saw them with again? beaver guy.”

“i heard they’re just classmates though,” komori gently reminds sakusa, hoping it’ll somewhat clear his senses. he jogs toward a mini puddle and jumps right into it. sakusa grimaces at the water splashes.

“it doesn’t matter. i don’t care about them anymore. they can have beaver guy so they want. i’m one of the best volleyball players in the country, and i’m ...somewhat good looking, and i’m tall...their loss.”

komori searches for more puddles.

“is it because of my personality?” sakusa quietly says. when he sees his cousins jumping into more puddles, he rolls his eyes. “komori, i’m being serious here”

“when are you not?” komori calls back. he jogs back to sakusa and says, “what makes you think it’s your personality?”

“well....let’s not talk about it.”

“...” komori glares at him.

“well....they’re all smiles around other people and like :/ around me. and y’know, my cleanliness. not that i would change for anyone, but i’m just sayin’”

“if they really liked you then, you wouldn’t want you to change. although, you can be nicer sometimes....just a little” komori cheekily says.

“...you’re right,” sakusa sighs.

~~~

“update: beaver guy’s no longer in their life. he tried to make a move on them and they didn’t like it so they cut him out of their life.”

“wait whaaat? it’s been days since you last talked about y/n. what-”

“can you not say their name so loud???”

“so beaver guy pulled a move on them?”

“yes. and they cut him off because he took advantage of their niceness.”

“...”

“so technically what happened to beaver guy also happened to me.”

komori shakes his head. “y/n hasn’t cut you out of their life....they still talk to you sometimes! and even asked if you wanted to walk home, which you-”

he points an accusing finger at sakusa. “which you said no to >:(”

“don’t point, it’s rude.” sakusa looks away.

“what’d you say no???”

“i didn’t want to appear desperate.”

~~~

“so...how long are you gonna stare at the ceiling? we’re supposed to be doing measurements right now.”

“oh sorry,” sakusa slightly bows down and quietly adds, “i walked them home yesterday.”

komori loudly gasps, which he apologizes for when everyone turns to look at him. “whaaat,” he whispers. “what happened?”

“i walked them home and then walked myself home, that’s what happened.”

“you’ve gotta be kidding me. give the details!”

“there’s nothing too important that happened. other than my confession.”

._. “and you’re saying nothing important happened??”

“turns out they like...me...too” sakusa stutters. his ears are bright red. “i feel like i’m gonna throw up.” sakusa’s hands presses against his stomach.

“the good kinda throw up?”

“there’s no such thing as a ‘good throw up’“ sakusa barks back.

~~~

“y/n looked really happy and cheerful today and so do you...which i thought i’d never see...”

normally, sakusa would jab his cousin if he heard that, but today, he chooses to ignore it.

“so what’s going on??”

“nothing much. just some kissing,” sakusa says. his whole face is glowing.

“remember when you said kissing was gross?”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” sakusa brushes off. “and you better not tell y/n i think they’re gross when i clearly don’t >:(”

~~~

“hand-holding huhhhh?”

“their hands were cold, that’s why.”

“why am i so invested in your relationship,” komori softly chuckles to himself. “y’all are cute.”

“it does feel nice to have someone to talk to about these things,” sakusa quietly says. komori pulls back in surprise.

“well, i’ll always be here for ya! but don’t you dare try rubbing your relationship in my face.”

“i’d never. i know what it’s like to be single.”

“???? that’s the most non-sympathetic thing i’ve ever heard! obviously, everyone knows what it feels like to be single” komori rolls his eyes.

~~~

“people are saying y/n’s dating me for my money.”

“ignore them >:(”

“people keep saying that y/n probably get no action and that i don’t even touch them.”

“like i said, ignore those stupid people”

“i wish it can be that easy,” sakusa sighs.

~~~

“i’ve lost track of how many times i’ve kissed them.”

komori jokingly pulls back in disgust. “no one keeps track, dummy.”

“i’d say about 43 times”

~~~

and now sakusa kisses you like he’s a starved man who hasn’t eaten in days 😐 basically, engulfing you. long, passionate kisses that gets your heart pounding every time.

and that’s it for now :)) tell me what you think! <3

#sakusa x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu fluff #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #komori motoya #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #hq x you #sakusa x you #sakusa x y/n #lia drabbles

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fullofsonder · 2 years

Text

Cherry Blossoms | Kamado Tanjiro

title: cherry blossoms post date: 02.15.2022 ⤷ next update/parts: tbd | series is planned to be a few parts long, but no decided number as of yet.

pairing: tanjiro x reader (gn, with an extremely minor implied f appearance later down the line) there’s a few other parings but I don’t wanna spoil anything ! genre: university au, modern au, slice of life, coming of age story, slight angst, fluff, slow burn, lots of growing. summary: The one where you’re a freshman in university trying to figure shit out, trying to navigate being on your own for the first time, school, work, making new friends. And just when you think you have a grasp on things, a boy with star for eyes comes and shows you that you don’t know a damn thing.

warnings: bits and pieces of implied depression, but nothing too severe I promise! notes: To be honest, I haven’t sat down and written anything in years, so please excuse me. A lot of this first part is just massive amounts of world building and setting the general tone. I’ve written a lot more for this and I really like the ‘cherry verse’ as I’ve deemed it, so the next part will contain more traction. Thank you for reading! word count: 5.5k

You never expected the adjustment of going from high school to university to be a tricky one. Being out on your own independently, finally being able to live on your for once, was going to be tricky but it was exciting. You were genuinely excited to start school, graduating from high school and coming to university to finally focus on your art was something you’d been dreaming of for years now.

You just didn’t expect it to start the year with multiple inconveniences, for example, most of your stuff not being shipped to your dorm room.

“So none of it is here?” You asked the one at the administration’s officers. She nodded because it was the easiest thing for her to say. It’s not like 70% of her personal belongings had gone missing.

“Just the few that arrived at the room.”

“Alright.” It wasn’t okay, not in any way shape, or form, if this was the start of your university experience you figure you should just pack your bags right up. “And the room itself?”

“Dorms we’re overbooked this year, unfortunately,” She said, but she never looked at you. Her eyes never peered upwards to look at you once. “Seniors get prioritized for the singles, it looks like you were allocated to the double for the remainder of the year.” Ah, the good news came rolling in waves. “You can always try again next year.”

Bad news was supposed to come in threes, more than half of your personal belongings were lost, being bumped from your original dorm room, what was coming next?

Perhaps that shouldn’t have been a thought that crossed your mind because a twenty minute walk away from your dorm it started raining. It wasn’t a drizzle either, it was practically a monsoon out there. In a matter of seconds, you were drenched, but while most people ran to get out of the rain, you slowed down.

You didn’t even bother speeding once you made it into your dorm building, ignoring the raised brows and odd glances you were getting. You didn’t acknowledge, entertain or frankly even care about them. At this point, you just wanted to get into your room to figure out what actually arrived. You really hoped there was a warm blanket because you were freezing but that was undoubtedly due to the fact that you were drenched, water dripped off you with every step you took.

Once the scream registered in your brain, you thought that maybe you shouldn’t have slammed the door open as hard as you did.

Perhaps scaring the girl, that you assumed was your roommate, half to death wasn’t the best first impression. Or maybe it was the fact that looked pissed as hell, were soaking wet, and waltzed in here slamming doors open.

You must’ve looked positively awful because the first words from her mouth were ‘are you okay?’, not ‘hello’, not ‘who are you?’, but ‘are you okay?’. And on god, you wanted to answer that question truthfully. You wanted to scream about the fact that most of your clothes and the few things you wanted to bring along with you to make your dorm feel like home, scream about how, no offense to her, you wanted to live alone this year, you wanted to scream about your boyfriend, or well, ex. You just wanted to scream about what an awful week this was, and how everything was piling up a little too much for your comfort.

“That was a stupid question, sorry.” She said and she stood up, making a beeline for a box that she pulled two towels out of. She dropped one at your feet while she handed you the other one with a slight grin working itself on her face. “You’re wet.”

“Just a little,” You said, gingerly taking the towel from her.

“A little? You’re making puddles on the flood.”

Your head jerked downwards and she was right, there were in fact puddles forming all around you. You stepped out of your shoes and onto the towel she’d thrown on the ground. “Sorry,” You said a breathless laugh escaping you and it took no time for her to follow in your steed. “It’s been a rough week.”

“It’s Monday,”

“Yeah,” You said, peeling off the jacket that was sticking on your skin. “It’s been a rough week.”

She just laughed, clearly not wanting to press on the subject too much. It was beautiful, so gentle and sweet. Her laugh was just as beautiful as she was. “Nezuko,” She introduced herself, her baby pink eyes twinkling. It’s like her eyes are stars and you were hypnotized by them.

“Nezuko,” You repeat, grinning from ear to ear. “Let’s have a good year, yeah?”

“Hopefully it’ll be better than this week for you,”

Truly, you hoped the same.

If you were, to be honest, the school was never your thing and it wasn’t because you weren’t smart, it wasn’t because you didn’t enjoy learning, the truth was that you did. you loved learning and many aspects of school, but you were a dreamer. Your school days were spent staring out the windows, daydreaming of what your future was going to be, thinking up scenarios of all the things you could become.

Your thoughts were never about quadratic equations or history nor were your thoughts full of great literature. You enjoyed poetry, it was perhaps the only thing that managed to stick itself in your brain whenever you were in an English class, but truthfully poetry only fueled your art. To you, it was a conduit to the illustrations that you were working on.

It was a source of inspiration.

You, not being as in, is why you made the conscious decision to split the courses you were taking this year. Most of the advice you’d gotten from older friends was just to burn through the general courses, but you couldn’t bear to think of another two years of taking the same classes you’d take in high school.

Unfortunately, too many classes required prerequisites and the ones that didn’t were mostly filled up by the time you got around to registering for classes. That’s how you ended up in your sculpture class. Sculpting was not something you were familiar with, but you were more than happy to give it a try.

It couldn’t be that hard, right?

Right.

All you had to was one sculpture, it was for extra credit, it was meant to get everyone’s hands wet. And you were excited. The moment class was out, you’d made your way to one of the cafes on campus and you started sketching.

God you were sketching for hours but nothing felt right, nothing seemed good enough, or nothing double in a 3D medium. The aroma of coffee filled the entire room, you honestly were never much of a coffee person But what dreamer doesn’t think about getting their work done in a café once they get to college? Three hours, five cups of hot chocolate, an untouchable sandwich later and you had accomplished nothing, but fill up a third of this sketchbook with nothing useable. Frustration starting to weigh down your shoulders much more than it should’ve.

You looked up, slightly alarmed from your sketchbook, taking one of your earbuds out. It was incredible, you were blasting music at full volume, and yet his voice managed to be loud enough that you heard it. A small grin crept on your face as you watched him, blue hair was messed up, he wasn’t too tall, but he definitively wasn’t short. At least he didn’t seem short next to his friend, his friend whose cheeks were the same shade as his hair or the blond that was standing between them.

Blue hair was quite possibly one of the loudest people you’d ever heard, you couldn’t recall a single person that was as loud as he was at this moment. You hoped that conversation wasn’t private because everyone could hear a 1/3 of the conversation and frankly, it was ridiculous. You were pen was long forgotten as you sipped on your hot chocolate, listening to him yell.

Or well, that was until the one with blue hair grabbed his blond friend, at least you had assumed he was his friend, by the collar and from your perspective, he was violently shaking him. For you it was startling, everyone else was acting as if this was business as usual and the thought occurred to you that that was probably what it was. This must be what they’re normally like, the third friend, the one with red hair, just patted their heads before he grabbed his drink. Even the barista seemed used to it, her butterfly hairpin glinting as the sun hit the windows just right. It was quite beautiful, it contrasted her dark hair so well.

It was an interesting dynamic,

One that caught your eye enough to dig through your bag to pull out your old, tattered sketchbook. You had it for about four years at this point, the cover was worn as it could be and the spine had certainly seen better days, but it was your candid sketchbook. Inspiration always came and went as it pleased, and even though you were working on your project, you would never pass on a bout of inspiration.

The image of the blond being grabbed by the blue-haired boy while his friend stood idly by, laughing with hand on the nape of his neck engraved into your brain. It was a quick sketch, messy as could be, but you adored it.

It was interesting, it wasn’t the most tender moment you’d caught candidly, nor was it the most dynamic, but there was just something about it that you couldn’t get out of your head.

You liked considering yourself a patient person, someone who had no issues waiting, someone who knew that great things took time. As an artist, the phrase ‘trust the process would be on repeat in your head whenever you were working on a new piece.

Trust the process.

Just trust the process.

If you trusted the process this piece would magically get better, right?

No.

Fuck the process.

You’d be working on this clay piece for hours now, today was one of the few days you didn’t have any classes and the original plan was to work on the sculpture for a couple of hours. Just a couple of hours and then you would head out to explore the campus, maybe you would’ve ventured off of it, caught a movie, bought a couple of things to replace some of the items that were lost and you had long lost hope and ever being able to get them back.

That plan had long gone out the window, it was already noon and you were staring at a deformed blob that refused to become something halfway decent. The assignment was for extra credit but that didn’t mean you were willing to turn in something you weren’t proud of. Inspiration was nonexistent for you and everything you were doing to chase it was just leading you into a never-ending loop of frustration.

1249 zuko <3 are you free now? come have lunch with me and my friend!

1248 zuko <3 Under the big tree in the courtyard!

The messages popped up on your screen and frankly, you’d be lying if you didn’t make up your mind in seconds. Seconds is all it took for you to unlock your phone, tell her you’d be there in a few minutes. It took even less for you to grab the leftover take out you had in the mini fridge and slip your shoes on. You were out the door in less than two minutes, darting down the halls of the dorms. ‘Under the big tree in the courtyard’ was the vaguest description she could’ve given, the campus was littered with these big, beautiful trees.

It took about twenty minutes but eventually, you’d manage to stumble across two figures, one that you’d eventually recognize as Nezuko. “Hi!” Nezuko said, her eyes shining brightly as she looked your way. “This is Zenitsu, ” She waved over at her friend, not paying any mind to her as her eyes were glued on you as you sat next to him.

“Hey,” You’d told him your name and he repeated it a handful of times, almost as if he was testing how the syllables rolled off of his tongue. “So, how’d you and Nezuko meet?” Truthfully, you were never one to care about anyone’s back story, but the difference between these two was so stark, it intrigued you to no end.

“I’ve known Nezuko for most of my life, we grew up together.” He said. He then proceeded to break into animated stories of their childhood. You couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear, Zenitsu was a character. He was funny, lively it was incredibly charming, but if you found him charming, you didn’t hold a candle to what Nezuko thought of him

Nezuko seemed so entranced, these were stories about her childhood, but she was listening to them as if it was the first time she’d ever heard them. The softest, kindest smile graced her features, matching the same look her eyes held as she looked at him.

It was clear as day that she was so fond of him. From the way he would look at her, if Nezuko was fond, Zenitsu was without a doubt smitten. He looked at her like she was the most precious gem in the world. You wouldn’t dare disagree with him either, Nezuko was stunning, she was constantly attracting attention to her.

“We’re going to start having dinners again every Friday again,” Zenitsu mentioned. “You should come,” He looked at you and your eyes must have been wider than saucers because Zenitsu threw his head back in a boisterous laugh. “No, I’m serious, I think you’d fit right in. As long as you can tolerate Inosuke loud ass,”

Loud? Someone was louder than Zenitsu?

Would he be louder than the loud blue haired boy you’d seen at the café once? You couldn’t help but wonder.

“Yes,” Nezuko said laughing, it was as if she had read your mind. “Zenitsu isn’t nearly as loud as Inosuke is, but he’s harmless.”

“He’s a boar,”

“He’s harmless.”

“He’s a boar.”

“He’s harmless,”

“Perhaps, he’s a harmless boar.” You chimed in with a shrug of yourself. They both turned to look at you, their eyes bulging slightly before they cracked up laughing.

It was interesting how quickly you slotted into their dynamics, you’d fully give the credit to Zenitsu, he was so good at making people feel at ease. It was so easy for him to feel like he had been a part of your life for years now when in reality you’d only just met an hour ago.

It was nice.

This was so nice.

Life had been hectic for the longest of times, you couldn’t remember the last time you had the privilege to just sit back, relax and go off with friends. What was originally meant to be a quick twenty minute lunch ended up extending itself two hours of talking about everything and nothing. The best kind of conversations truly.

Before long, Nezuko was declaring she had class in twenty minutes and Zenitsu was on his feet in mere seconds.

“It was nice meeting you, Nezuko talks about you a lot,” He said slinging his bag over his shoulder. “You really should come to dinners.” You watched him hold his hand out to Nezuko, helping her stand up and before she could even reach for her bag, he’d snatched it up.

Sheesh.

Whoever said chivalry is dead had never met Zenitsu.

Their goodbyes were rushed, but you didn’t mind at all. You’d been far too engrossed in Zenitsu’s stories of their childhood adventures to pay much attention to your food, and frankly, you were starving. You could hear their soft bickers, Nezuko insisting that she could carry her bag and that it was unnecessary for him to walk her to class when it was, but he was adamant. Nezuko’s plies fell to death ears, the underlying tone of the conversation falling to death ears.

‘I don’t want to leave you yet.’

As both of them walked away, part of you couldn’t help but be reminded of your last relationship. There was something so sweet about them that left you watching the as the way walked away, there truly was nothing more precious than when you first started falling in love with someone. Though something told you, those two had adored each other for far longer than either of them would ever admit to. The innocence of watching them walk together, Zenitsu brushing his against hers, clearly wanted to hold her hand. Nezuko would look at him each time, cheeks flushed as she looked at him. The look on his face wasn’t any less loving as he looked at her. You never had the best eyesight, but you could’ve sworn you saw him hook his pinky with hers and you couldn’t help but smile.

You sat there wondering how long it would be until those two eventually got together because it was inevitable. As was your mind eventually wandering off to how much you missed him. An arm wrapped around your knees, chin resting atop of your forearm while your free hand scrolling through your phone.

Right there, beneath that big, old cherry blossom tree you’d finally allowed yourself to cry. The feelings you’d been holding back for months crashed into you like a tidal wave.

You stayed under that tree for hours, watched all the people that walked by and you couldn’t be helped but be full of sonder. What an odd thought, hundreds of people walking by you, all living lives just as or even more complex than yours, but you’d never know a thing about them.

It was until at least five in the afternoon that you found yourself standing up, slinging your back over yourself and you started moving mindlessly through the crowd. You hoped your feet were taking you to your dorm, wanting more than anything to sleep but your mind was so hazy that you had no idea where you were going.

Truthfully, there was a small part of that wondered if you should just go home. Defer a semester and just spend the next few months in bed, wallowing. That was taking things too far and you knew that which is why you were taking yourself to the dorm. Nothing was permanent, these feelings were not permanent and there was no need for you to bring your life to a halt because you were drowning a little. These feelings shall pass.

Things will get better and the clouds that were bogging your mind would part soon enough.

Opening the door to your dorm room, you’d expected it to be empty this time of day, instead, you were surprised to see Nezuko there. She was sitting at her desk her laptop open with a textbox spread across her desk. Clearly in the middle of getting some studying done.

“Hi,” She greeted, grinning ear to ear, her eyes lighting up as soon as they landed on you. “You’re back awfully late.”

“Hey you,” You said dropping your bag on your desk. “I thought you had classes until eight.” You cocked your head as you stared at the green checkered jacket that was thrown over the back of the chair that resided at your desk. It seemed familiar, but these past few days you’d pass by thousands of people at this point.

Ah.

That explains it.

It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?

“Boyfriends?” You asked and she choked on her drink.

She shook her head furiously. “My brothers!” She exclaimed, her cheeks flushed lightly. “I don’t have a boyfriend please,”

“I thought Zenitsu and you were together,” You’d removed the jacket from your chair, folding the garment and laying it down on Nezuko’s bed. The jacket looked well worn, the owner of it wore a lot and you had no intentions of getting clay or any paint on it. “Though I got to say, that does look like nothing Zenitsu would wear. Yellow suits him.”

“He does look good in yellow.” The flush that was contained to her cheeks, had now caused even the tips of her ears to go red. “Zenistsu is one of my brother’s best friends, that’s how we meet, but we’re just friends. He’s more my brother friends than he is mine, truly.” She explained.

Truthfully, you didn’t believe her one bit. Something about the way those two acted with each other didn’t seem like they were just friends. It seemed like something more was going on, but perhaps it was just starting, a love that was slowly starting to bud.

“Huh,” You breathed. “The last person that looked at me like that, was my partner.”

It was Nezuko’s turn to be surprised, she turned herself fully to look at you. “Well,” She said. “I had no idea you were dating someone.”

“No, that was a mistake.” You said quietly, sitting down at your desk. “We broke up before school started, I guess I’m just saying that.” Nezuko’s eyes were stunning, not just because they were a gorgeous shade of pink, but because they were so expressive, you could always tell what she was thinking just by looking into her eyes.

The dark haired girl’s hand went to touch the bamboo charm that hung for her neck as she looked your way with the kindest expression on her face. She didn’t look like she felt sorry for you, not like she was sympathetic for you, she just had this look of pure kindness to her.

“I see,” She finally uttered. “Well, if you ever wanna talk about that, I suppose you might know where I live.”

You couldn’t help but crack a smile.

A few hours later though, you weren’t cracking much of a smile anymore. “If you ever wanna talk about that, I supposed you might know where I live.” Nezuko’s words were playing on your mind like a broken record, part of you was desperate to wake her up. You turned on your side, staring at the dark haired girl. She looked so peaceful, so serene, so beautiful. And you wished you were staring at her just to admire her, truth was, you were just trying to distract yourself

0146 my love; I hope you’re doing well.

Three months in and you really should have changed that contact name, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. You were still acclimating to life without him, you weren’t ready to let go quite yet and you were starting to come to terms with being okay with that.

It was okay to hold on to him until you were ready to fully let him go.

It was well over three am but the message was still prominent in your brain, it was engraved there. You knew you would be thinking about it for weeks It had been three months at this point, moving on from someone you loved was hard. Everyone works through it differently and you had a cycle you went through.

First, you allowed yourself to be sad.

It’s weird how most people try their damnedest to avoid being sad or actually feeling their emotions, they spent so much energy trying to pretend they were okay that it was constantly bringing them to the brink of insanity. You allowed yourself to be sad after someone walked out of your life, you allowed yourself to lay in bed all day and not do anything, if you wanted to cry, you’d cry. If you wanted to eat your body weight in junk you would.

Whatever you needed to do to make yourself feel better you did it, and you never held it against yourself. Or at least, you tried not to.

Second, you dived into the things you loved.

Being sad, mourning your losses, it’s good. It’s good to feel your emotions, but it’s so easy to get lost in the darkness. It was a thin line you often treaded, there was a massive difference between being sad and completely losing yourself. That demon was one you fought far too often, we’re much too acquainted with and you wished you weren’t.

For you, there was nothing like throwing yourself into your art when things had gone south. You turned your pain into art, whatever medium you were working on would be heavily influenced by your emotions. It was wonderful to watch how you would turn all of your emotions into a tangible item and to be frank, as much as you hated the pain, your best work was always done when you were heartbroken.

The most beautiful pieces of art you’d done were the ones that were made during the sessions of crying into your cereal and staring at the walls for hours, wondering how things had gone so wrong. There was a lot of beauty within pain though, there’s a reason why some of the best works of art in history were all done during the artist’s lowest points.

Third, you’d make new resolutions.

To go out more, to pick up hobbies, to chase your dreams, to go for the things that make you happy.

And eventually, you’d cut out all the pseudo bull shit because it was just about giving yourself time. Not forcing anything too hard, or being too hard on yourself, and just allowing yourself the time to heal. Time is a fickle mistress, she heals all wounds, but she’ll take her time. She is patient, consistent, but unkind and we are all at her mercy.

At this point, you were well over being sad. Many considered university to be the start of their lives, and that was what you were planning on doing. This is the start of your life, quite horrendous as the week had been, it was about time you stopped with the pity party, put your adult pants on, and started putting yourself out there.

Now if only, just only you could finish this sculpture before the sun started coming up.

That, seemed improbable though because again, time is a fickle, fickle mistress.

That prick.

It was amazing how what’s supposed to be one of the best weeks of your life was so quickly getting memorialized in your mind as one of the worst. Your week had gotten to the point where any minor inconvenience felt like the world was ending. Earlier this morning with Nezuko you had dropped your breakfast sandwich and you started at it laying there on the ground, near tears. Wondering what that poor sandwich had done to be punished like this, it should’ve been laid to the rest in the pits of your stomach, but there it was instead on the ground, covered with dirt and grim.

Nezuko was an angel, however, the only silver lining to your week so far had been meeting her, she’d picked up the sandwich and split hers in half before you could even blink. You insisted she didn’t need to do that, but Nezuko was Nezuko and there was no convincing her to take her half back. Regardless, before you could get much of an argument in, she was already darting down the halls, yelling that she’d be late for class if she didn’t get a move on.

That was about the same boat you were currently in, after breakfast, you’d come back to your dorm to work more on your project. You knew it wasn’t meant to be a serious project, the professor had mentioned it multiple times, the assignment was meant to relax everyone, to get everyone’s fingers itching to create. It had an adverse effect on you, however, it made you want to crawl back home and forget university in its entirety.

Unfortunately for you, you’d fallen asleep at your desk. You’d only woke up twenty minutes before your class and that lead you to run in a way you hadn’t done since seventh grade gym class. Normally, you’d take your time walking down this path, enjoying the sight. To you, there was nothing more beautiful than cherry blossom trees and this path? The dozens of trees lined up, the thousands of petals laying on the ground? It was devastatingly beautiful to you.

You’d wish you could just stand around and cherish it more, perhaps it would brighten up your week just a bit more. That wasn’t the kind of week you were having though, this week just got progressively worse and worse as the minutes passed by.

This moment was going to get much worse than you just being late to class, holding a monstrosity. Because whoever just slammed into you was built like a linebacker and as the back of your head smacked against the pavement, the sound of your sculpture shattering into pieces, you could’ve sworn this week could not get any worse.

God, you wished you had a concussion. Something that would allow you to stay at your dorm for days, waiting out the rest of the week.

As you looked up at your assailant, getting ready to give him a piece of your mind, your words got stuck in your throat. This boy. He had stars in his eyes, they were breathtaking, you were rendered speechless under his gaze. There was something so captivating about his red eyes, you could barely hear him over the white noise that was going through your head. “I’m so, so sorry,” He kept repeating over and over again, his arms flailing about as he looked around at the pieces of clay shattered on the ground.

He was on his feet, pacing back and forth as he continuously apologize to you, but the sound faded into the background for you. You lifted yourself enough to prop yourself up on your elbows as you looked at the mixture of cherry blossom petals and the remnants of your sculpture that was well beyond shattered.

You gave him a lopsided grin, a hearty laugh escaping you as you placed your hand in his and allowed him to pull you up. His expression quickly shifted from one of worry to one of complete and utter confusion.

Perhaps you’d get an extension, but truthfully you were more grateful that monstrosity was taken out of existence. It was, without a doubt the worst thing you’d ever created. That piece was causing you more stress than it was worth, but you were screwed now.

That was your first assignment, now you had nothing to turn in and this was truly a great start to your academic career in university.

maybe you should’ve been furious with the world, but there you were standing in rows of cherry blossom trees, holding the hand of a boy who held the entire universe in his eyes, feeling more relaxed than ever. Perhaps it was the peace of mind that this week could not feasibly get any worse than what it was.

So you smiled at him, hand still in his eyes, head tilting to the side as you started into those beautiful cherry eyes that were filled with the entire universe in them.

“Honestly, cherry? It’s the worst thing I’ve ever made, you’ve done the world a great service by destroying it.”

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