#my rabbi has a really interesting way of telling stories though
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METATRON: or an explanation about why his inclusion in the S2 and S3 narrative is fascinating and weird, actually
Originally, this was going to be a stupid, unlikely, and mildly cynical theory about what I think is going to happen in S3 and how it might compare to my third least favorite TV show finale.
But while I was writing it I went down a Metatron rabbit hole and honestly? It's pretty crazy. Like, really crazy.
Part 1: Metatron
So who is Metatron, anyway?
(This gets a bit detailed but I promise it pays off!)
I think a lot of people, because Metatron is in the book (which is a Book of Revelation parody), assume that he was also a figure in the New Testament- or barring that, in the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible. But he wasn't! In fact, Metatron isn't in Christian scripture or early literature at all.
Metatron is really a (very nearly, he's also mentioned in Islamic texts) Jewish figure. The exact origins are a bit fuzzy to me, as while I'm a scholar of Jewish history this isn't my era (it also gets pretty mystical and my worst grades were on mysticism-related papers), but essentially you're not seeing the name until a century or two after the Common Era at the very least. In antiquity, the name is largely found in the 3rd Book of Enoch (and later other Merkabot/Hekhalot literature) and in the Talmud.
The 3rd Book of Enoch is a work whose origins date back to anywhere from the 1st to the 5th century CE and it continues the themes of the 1st and 2nd books which discuss Enoch, the seventh generation from Adam in the Book of Genesis. In Genesis, Enoch is noted as having been taken by God rather than dying, and the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Book of Enoch expands on this idea of Enoch being a massively powerful figure in Heaven (keeper of treasures, God's right hand figure, leader of the archangels, etc)- and even potentially being a lesser/dual version of God. In the 3rd book in particular, the word Metatron is used to describe him.
For those who are aware of Jewish theology, it might have occurred to you that the idea of there being a duality of God in any way is a pretty fraught one; Enoch is largely non-canonical in Judaism*, but it was still cited reasonably frequently by Jews in the early Common Era. In the next few centuries, we start to see more mentions of Metatron (at this point, not explicitly identified with Enoch) in Jewish literature, and this becomes a pretty big deal.
We then have three Talmudic mentions of Metatron, and one of them (Avodah Zarah 3b) is relatively minor, but does suggest, importantly, that God deputizes Metatron to do tasks that God would otherwise do. The other two are more interesting here. In Sanhedrin 38b, we see a debate between Rav (Rabbi) Idit and a heretic, who suggests that perhaps Metatron, which Rav Idit has mentioned as a representative of God, should be worshipped on par with God; Rav Idit makes clear that this is not correct.
The most interesting, though, is the story in Chagiga 15a, which tells the story of Rabbi Elisha ben Abuyah, otherwise known as Acher (the Other, signifying that he is a heretic). The story of Acher is a quite famous one, but here it's told with a particular twist that didn't make it into the versions that I learned in Jewish day school- the involvement of Metatron and its influence on the precise nature of Acher's heresy.
Rabbi Elisha ben Abuyah was a 1st century rabbi and teacher who was one of the leaders of his generation who is described as having been one of the four rabbis who entered the "Pardes," or orchard- and he cut down the saplings, becoming a heretic. This is usually interpreted to mean that he was exposed to deep, fundamental understandings of God which caused him to turn away. In this particular version of the story, what he saw was a vision of Heaven in which Metatron was sitting in God's presence. To Elisha ben Abuyah, this was a massive affront to God- surely one should stand in God's presence! This led him to believe that maybe there were two powers in Heaven, and thus led him down the road to heresy and the epithet Acher.
The story continues that as a result, Metatron was beaten with fiery rods to make a statement that he was not parallel to God, contrary to what Acher believed. Metatron was also asked why he hadn't stood up when Acher arrived, to avoid the conclusion. The answer is that the Metatron had permission to sit in order to "write the merits of Israel."
And, because of this heresy by Acher, Metatron is given permission to erase Acher's good deeds. There is a voice from Heaven saying that all sinners may return- except for Acher. This leads to Acher's purposeful slide into heresy more broadly (his first stop is literally to a sex worker, something that would be unacceptable for a rabbi, to PROVE that he's now gone bad).
(Also worth noting- in the Jerusalem Talmud, an entirely different reason is given for Acher's heresy- not that he believed in dualism but that he was angry about unfair human suffering.)
The story of Acher is interesting, in this context, for two reasons:
it's another indication that Jewish tradition is going to absolutely reject any possibility of duality and
it gives a clear indication of what Metatron's power is
So... we know all that. Now what? (You may already have some inkling.)
Part 2: Cosmic Megatron
I've called this section by this name because everything I'm going to say should be foregrounded by my belief that most of this is likely coincidence.
Metatron is a character in the original book of Good Omens, and as far as I can tell is there to fill two functions- to have a heavenly representative and thus avoid having to write dialogue for God, and so that they can have a joke where Pepper confuses him with the Cosmic Megatron, apparently a toy made of plastic, which features laser cannon and can turn into a helicopter.
(He's also called the Metatron- I'm not 100% sure why.)
We know from what Neil Gaiman has been saying that he and Terry Pratchett wrote the book in a pretty casual way. Obviously, the book is written with a certain amount of knowledge about the Bible and Judeo-Christian** religion, which from things that Gaiman has said I think he attributes to their being two bright, well-read men who were educated in a Christian-majority country but which I'm sure also included a decent amount of research- hence the bit in the beginning with different calculations for the year of creation. (Gaiman is of course Jewish but I don't get the impression that he had any formal Jewish education, though I could be wrong.) But it seems to be written largely as satire of some pretty well known Christian concepts, for the most part, though nicely detailed.
That's why my assumption is that Metatron must have been included as an offhand joke, by one of them who had heard of him as a spokesman figure in some other context. Because despite the fact that the Book of Enoch is known within Christianity, that's largely the 1st Book of Enoch, not the 3rd, which is the one where the name Metatron is identified with Enoch. If there are any scholars of Christianity reading this, please correct me if I'm wrong, but- I don't think that Metatron would be a familiar angelic/heavenly figure to the average person given a cursory de facto Christian thinking in purely Christian terms. Therefore, presumably the name was one that either Pratchett or Gaiman had heard in another context and that one of them (possibly Pratchett, as he was apparently the one who mostly wrote the kids) thought would make for an entertaining joke about plastic toys that turn into other plastic toys.
We then know that in a hotel room, after they wrote Good Omens, Pratchett and Gaiman plotted out a potential sequel, tentatively titled 668: Neighbor of the Beast. We know that this was going to feature more of Heaven's side, as Gaiman said in the run up to the expanded S1 (which of course featured the new-to-us characters of Gabriel, Uriel and Michael) that the angel characters were already part of the plan for the sequel. We also know, of course, that S2 is meant as a transition to S3, which is the actual plot to the sequel book.
Obviously, we don't quite know yet what that plot is going to be- but presumably, at some point in it Aziraphale was going to go up to Heaven. But presumably Gabriel, who we can now be quite confident was written out of S3, would have been part of that story in the book! The fact that we AREN'T getting Gabriel in a S3 that's based on a sequel idea that specifically included Gabriel (or so we're told) means that that role must be filled by someone.
It seems very likely that
what would have been Gabriel's role is being filled by Metatron and
Metatron wasn't necessarily supposed to be in the sequel, and thus (in theory) S3, at all.
Now Point 2 is only a guess, and it's entirely possible that it's wrong. But I wonder (and this is a totally separate theory, in some ways) whether the role that Metatron played in S2 is one that would have been played by Gabriel if Jon Hamm had wanted to stay. The casting of Sir Derek Jacobi in S1 was not one that implied to me that this was a character who they had plans for- it was a one-scene role in a show with a decent number of minor cameos for well known actors. His return this season was honestly a pretty big shock to me- and seems to be setting him up as a significant figure in the upcoming season. (Which, incidentally, seems like one that can be pretty easily acted in voiceover/green screen, making it a good role for an actor who may not want a full six episode season of a show.)
So- whether we accept my above hypothesis as true or not- why Metatron?
Part 3: Cosmic Metatron
So mostly these are questions. I obviously don't know the answers any more than anyone else does. I could even be wrong about some of my basic assumptions as far as the timeline.
But regardless, I think that the use of Metatron will be incredibly interesting this season for a few reasons.
First of all, let's discuss the Book of Life. It is, unlike Metatron, actually in the Bible- both Hebrew Bible and Old/New Testament. (In fact, the Book of Life is mentioned in the Book of Revelation- the main source material for the book/S1!) In Judaism, the Book of Life is actually something that is still part of Jewish tradition to this day. On Rosh HaShana, the first day of the year, our prayer for a new year is so that our names can be put in the Book of Life due to our good deeds.
We already know, from Part 1, that Metatron is God's scribe, who writes down people's good deeds- and while the story of Metatron and Acher above is never directly connected to the idea of the Book of Life, the thematic similarities are undeniable and it seems pretty clear that they're talking about the same idea. So we have a potential connection between Metatron as a potential character in Good Omens with the Book of Life as a potential concept in Good Omens- along with the fact that a person can be erased from the Book of Life with eternal ramifications.
It seems pretty clear that, whatever reason Pratchett and Gaiman may have had for including Metatron in the book, he now has a pretty solid reason for being here in the show, based on what we already know.
Also relevant is the status of Metatron. In the 3rd Book of Enoch, we know that he is God's right hand, head of all the archangels, and even is given a title that connotes him as a "lesser God." Which is, as noted, pretty theologically wild for Judaism, and a big reason why Metatron and Enoch don't get a lot of play in contemporary Jewish theology (besides for mysticism). We also know that it's the idea that there can be TWO powers behind the throne that led Acher to be eternally condemned as a heretic.
Someone posted a VERY interesting meta here- I can't find it right this moment- which suggested that God is no longer really around in the world, and that the Job minisode- the final time in the show's chronology when we hear God's voice as anything but narrator- Heaven is bathed in golden light, whereas afterward it has a more sterile and empty white light. I find that to be an fascinating idea- that Metatron is actually serving in some kind of parallel-God role in God's absence.
I'm not going to pretend to know WHY this is. There are lots of interesting potential plot angles- you could have Metatron deposing God, you could have God purposefully withdrawing from humanity/the bureaucracy of religion (maybe something similar to in Pratchett's Monstrous Regiment, which would actually make quite a bit of sense if this was part of the unwritten sequel as he could have recycled the idea), you could have some kind of a power struggle, etc. But it does seem clear- we have Metatron as what is essentially a Godlike figure, with enough power to completely depose Gabriel, shut down the other angels, and elevate Aziraphale (if that's indeed what he does- he is at least able to convince Aziraphale that he has that power, which is something).
We have a Metatron strong enough for someone to, potentially, question whether maybe HE'S the one exercising Godly power. And potentially face the worst of consequences for those questions, consequences that we know Metatron is able to deal out. Consequences which were already threatened in S2.
Now that would certainly fit in VERY well with the kinds of plots we might expect from a Good Omens 3...
It also could lead to a fascinating dynamic if they give Metatron an origin story of being Enoch. Having the big cheese in Heaven be someone who used to be human? That's a fantastic concept, just like how S2 centered a character for whom so much can be explained by the fact that he's a demon who was once an angel.
Basically, I think there is the potential for some interesting stuff here.
Caveat
None of this answers a separate question that I have- why bring in a Jewish angelic figure for a story as intensely Christian as the Second Coming? I have a feeling that the answer is going to be "because it's fun"- regardless of how Metatron is used. That said, if there ends up being a narrative where there's Metatron representing the vengeful God of the Old Testament and Jesus as a nice dude who represents something more forgiving then... Idunno, I'm not gonna be super thrilled.
And also- I'll put it out here now- I didn't love S2. Among other things, I think it was pretty simplistic and I don't think that it developed its ideas to their full potential. I don't know that I trust S3 to be as interested in these details to have ANY of this show up in the plot. It could totally be that Metatron is only there because he's in the book, and the Book of Life is only there because it's in the Book of Revelation. Obviously, I don't know.
But I do think that, whatever Gaiman does write if the show gets renewed, there's a lot of material here for him to work from, if he wants to.
*with the exception of among Ethiopian Jews- in fact, the only extant complete version of the 3rd Book of Enoch is in the Ethiopian religious language Ge'ez
**this is a terrible term and I use it only under protest
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens season 2#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#gos2 spoilers#metatron#neil gaiman#terry pratchett#meta#bible#fan theory#actual scholars of christianity please don't hesitate to correct me#actual scholars of ancient judaism also#i'm a modernist lol#good omens meta#go2#good omens 3#good omens 3 speculation
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Not to bring a religious reading to my religious fanfiction show, but something that really interests me about Aziraphale's final decision versus Crowley's point of view is something Neil Gaiman has repeated time and time again: Crowley is the most Jewish character in the show.
It got me thinking... is Aziraphale perhaps the most Christian?
To be clear, neither of them are Jewish or Christian or anything, I am discussing relative to their thoughts and actions.
Crowley questions authority, he's not afraid to question God, even. He enjoys alcohol quite a bit. He wants peace in the home, he wants Earth to be healthy/to exist, and he doesn't quite care about power structures as much as many others. He does good things without worrying about Good Things points.
Aziraphale tries to do good at every turn. He wants to avoid sin (but he does it poorly), and worries any misstep will send him to Hell. He has been indoctrinated by an abusive system and keeps coming back to it because it's all he knows and he firmly believes it can be good. He wants to "convert" Crowley. The 1820s segment shows that Crowley cares about the good ends, while Aziraphale is fixated on the "bad" means. Judaism tends to care more about the ends (there's a Jewish story about a rich man deciding to build an orphanage, but then deciding against it, and telling his Rabbi he was only doing it for the praise it would bring him, and the Rabbi says something along the lines of "who cares why you're doing it! the orphans won't!") The one thing Zira has Crowley beat on in the Jewish Traits category is loving food that much, which makes him a bad Christian angel (not saying gluttony is considered a positive thing in Judaism, just that we don't have the seven deadly sins and eating good food is a part of the culture).
I think this is a very interesting way to read their characters. Judaism and Christianity are different in many fundamental ways, even though a lot of people think they're like, the same religion with different hats. Someone who is better versed in both religions could probably go into it deeper than me, but it's something to think about.
#good omens#judiasm#christianity#good omens spoilers#good omens season 2#good omens season 2 spoilers#good omens s2#good omens s2 spoilers#go s2#go s2 spoilers
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Okay so some light backstory that might will certainly be relevant by the end of this diatribe:
I'm a Black Christian and I grew up in a megachurch. And when I say "grew up" I mean we were there at least three days a week. It was a major part of how we processed the world. It's where I formed a majority of my childhood friendships. It has a strong impact on how I was shaped and saw the world.
When I got older, around highschool age, a variety events occurred that slowly separated me and decharmed me with the institution of church without necessarily separating me from the ideology of Christianity.
And then I went off to college, and being in a new city with new people and new ideas placed me in a spiritual crucible so to speak. Things inside of me were melting and changing and reforming.
Within this spiritual crucible, I found myself being drawn to Judaism in a really beautiful way. The emphasis on questioning and actively doing good for people, the deempahsis on hell and the grander focus on maintaining memory touched me in a very particular way.
I spent a lot of time in college reading books by rabbis and learning more about Jewish history and religious customs and, in a way that I am low key embarrassed about now, joking about how I'm almost certainly going to convert to Judaism when I get older.
It was around this time that I started writing Small Victories (HA! I bet you didn't think this was WGC related but it is! I always bring it back, baby.)
And I wanted to write this because Season 2 of SV is framed around the story of Jacob (a major story in both Christianity and Judaism, albeit in different ways).
I didn't really plan to make Marisol's journey a Jacob allergory (and I emphasis allegory because it is not a one-to-one metaphor) but at the end of Season 1 when I was just reabsorbing the story I realized that I ended up telling a story about a twin who fled home and is constantly put in these stressful and tricky situations only to have been deeply injured/marked by a figure in their attempt to do the right and honorable thing.
In short, I had started writing a Jacob allegory. And once you realize you've accidentally started writing an allegory you have to go all the way, that's just manners.
Anywho, Season 2 follows the thread that was set up by that allegory which you probably picked up on in Episode 10 "The Interlude" as it literally had Marisol wrestling with an Angel.
Small Victories is always going to be connected to a very particular set of events and time in my life. Within the course of writing this story I experienced: a spiritual journey, falling in love for the first time, heartbreak, learning that my mom had cancer, and more. There are entire episodes I can't hear without being directly beamed back to a specific moment in my life, and that particular time of spiritual exploration is one of them.
All this to say, that I am not Jewish even though the philosophy and ideology has/had a large impact on how I view the world. And it's interesting because I think the season reflects that (I feel like you'll have a better grasp of what I mean when Season 2 comes out).
#small victories podcast#it's one of those things that smacks me in the face everytime I read season 2#or plan season 3#and it's funny because it's glaringly obvious to me#but it's probably not super obvious to anyone who didn't know me then#I was having a whole spiritual journey and it seeped all through the work
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I'm going to lean all the way into the Dunn ranch, the most traumatic period of my life
And see what's really going on (because they put up a horse paddock up front, it seems)
Because what I complain about has *increased exponentially by the day* and only a couple days in.
A synagogue family sans the rabbi husband up on clark; because shop n kart and the attendant businesses of that block, tell a theoretical story of unsavory things out at the ranch and deep in the past. (Backed by takelma the village, bell up front, pizza on the other side of slaughter's office; a well of human suffering called shop n kart where the foreman who was named Adrian back then, desperately wants to own the place)
We've got gang members walking out of my blind spot at intervals gank murder style, as perhaps what happened to Grubbs; because no one talks about defensive wounds. We've got 112268 stalker grinning like an idiot after I threatened to kill him *a second time* for his stalking endeavors at the southtown block intersection. Ambulance was waiting by expecting a violent event because company town.
There's the guy who was supposed to look like me waiting in ambush down below minute market on the way up to a food pantry. A pantry where a latina attitude style white (retirement age, outlived usefulness) woman could be found *tossing food from the pantry into her van*. And he seemed to have been hiding somewhere off to the hidden springs brush side (since murderers seldom change mo; why Jessica Fletcher concerned the Italians ;)
There's yellow everywhere, calling attention to itself, we've got coopers, we've got staged gang activity waiting for the library to open so many minutes ago.
CLEARLY, this is worth a lot of money to someone. An unsolvable murder ran about 200k back in the day. Mexicans, it was said, would do it for 10k or less. *More yellow*
Guess the synagogues are mad at me, sitting here minding my own business in front of illahe house. Thought you guys were pacifists. You know the Hill family was *Greek* right? And that they were in bed with the army at fort Klamath. And that, they all traveled with a US army entourage *down here from the Dalles*. After surveyors mapped the donation claims the Hill sisters would *sight unseen as yet* lay claim to?
(They were building a fortress, or trying, and at odds with "I married that man who had that land my father wanted" Patrick Dunn who was on friendly terms with all the natives)
Natives they later exterminated. We haven't gotten to the part where they were feeding and slaying homeless people out there, running a brothel out of the ranch house, becoming a "one stop shop" for shadowy policy making regional AND national. Both with and without KKK auspices. *More yellow*
(Go ahead, instigate a murder synagogues)
You know, Grubbs was "European mutt. Oh! And I am one quarter Italian" as he had said; didn't see a lot of Italian hanging out with him but *I did see a lot of Jews and semi Jews*.
Helman killed sisson back then, final answer. Convening a court martial on behalf of pioneer stock they didn't know, against one of their own, and for a murder a community would never admit to backing *though it did*, wasn't going to happen. Acting in the best interest of his friends up at the fort against what amounted to foreign interest from France.
(And he was whoring out his wife)
Since her house burned not long after she didn't go with helman (yeah, the murderer) after the fact. People can pretend this is revelatory, but really frontier boilerplate back then.
(Why would grandpa want to destroy his own family...hmmm. A branch related to Robert E. Lee and in bed with the army does *all* that)
And that's not the half of what's going on out there. As near as cartel on behalf of scraping together whiteness can get, this Janneke vs jennafae as a lookalike behind a coffee counter when it comes to me.
(As with ranch operations of old, it's *really easy* to discourage people when they get a rock with their name on it for not stopping whatever the objectionable is; that's shop n kart to Ashland now as a dialed down and washed out version of what had gone on)
(The Dunn's were on good terms with the Colombians and the Mexicans, making the slave caste they were turned into sort of ironic)
I would be quick to point out the Dunn house up on Clark had *all the trees cut down and mulched* in short order *within days* of me pointing out it had belonged to the family. By Mexican landscapers. With a latin king colored car sitting out front. An snk employees living there all the while. So I'll reiterate that *killing is easier*than continuous beating around the bush.
(Seeing how far this goes if so many days of leaning into the ranch has added up to this)
Yellow is a color.
Edit: Did I not say what the legacy was of where I grew up? "An encounter is a stand alone argument" only if it is backed up by murder. "Oh yeah? A shirt." Only if it's backed up by murder. Gang stalking? A car at an intersection conoting a drive by shooting driven by a misguided idiot? Only if it's backed up by murder.
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Hello, you seem to be knowledgeable about god. Do you know where to find him and what his weaknesses are? I have dedicated my life to hunting him down and killing him for the indescribable amount of suffering he has directly or indirectly caused.
cw: violent language, including about fighting / killing God; as well as discussion of the Shoah / Holocaust later on in the post
(gonna start this long-ass response by saying that yes, i know this anon is probably joking about dedicating their life to hunting down God, but i’m gonna answer it like they’re serious because that’s the kind of person i am haha)
honestly anon, all power to ya! it sounds like my own understanding of God is quite different from yours (for instance, i would claim that God’s main weakness is actually Their best strength, which is compassion and steadfast solidarity) -- but the question of why God allows suffering is one i come back to all the damn time.
if you do track God down -- if God turns out to be a Being that can be tracked down to one location and time -- please do deliver my regards and my sincerest “WTF??”
you’re not the first to demand God answer for the suffering that’s happened on Their watch --
for if God is truly omnipotent, and truly all-loving, why don’t they do something about all this pain??? Indeed, the Bible is rich with similar demands -- from the psalmists to Job to Jesus himself from the cross (quoting a psalm, he cries, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me??”).
You might already know all this, but if not, the question of God’s place in suffering is often referred to as theodicy, at least in Christian circles.
That term comes from the Greek for god + justice, so what it literally means is “justifying (or vindicating) God”....which I’m not a huge fan of, because it implies that when we explore this question of where God is in suffering, we already know the result will be that God will be proven innocent (or at least “not guilty”).
But do we know that?? See the bottom of this post for an example of a time people of great faith found God guilty!
Anyway, theodicy describes intellectual efforts “to jerry-rig three mutually exclusive terms into harmony: divine power, goodness, and the experiences of evil.“ - Wendy Farley
If you want to learn more about theodicy and the way some theologians have “made sense” of suffering, check out this introductory post I’ve got.
Or wander through my whole #theodicy tag over on my other blog.
I invite you to explore theodicy not in any attempt to convince you of anything, but so you know some of the arguments you’re up against! Honestly, the more i explore theodicy, the less satisfied i am with any justifications for why God doesn’t intervene in the face of so much suffering...so if you do the reading and still conclude God is guilty, i’m not gonna tell you you’re definitely wrong.
Anyway. Like i said, you’re not alone in wanting answers for why God -- however, i don’t know that i’ve seen anyone else with your determination to find and kill God!
(Except, and i hate that i know this lol, that’s apparently the plot of the final season of Supernatural -- they find out God’s a total ass who not only is guilty of negligence but also directly responsible for a lot of suffering for his own sadistic enjoyment. so. they kill the bastard.)
Still, while i don’t know that i’ve seen too many people who want to take God out, the idea of wrestling God is pervasive -- especially within Judaism, but also among some Christians.
i’m very into wrestling God, myself, finding it far more faithful to the God who gifted us free will and invites us into true, mutual relationship than unquestioning obedience.
i have a whole #wrestling God tag over on my other blog.
For the most intense example of wrestling with God i’ve yet seen, with God put on trial and found guilty, keep reading.
_________
cw: discussion of the Shoah / Holocaust below
You might connect to Elie Wiesel’s play The Trial of God, or the movie that was made based off it. Wiesel survived Nazi concentration camps but ceased to believe in God after what he suffered. His play was inspired by something he witnessed while a teen at Auschwitz:
"I witnessed a strange trial. Three rabbis—all erudite and pious men—decided one winter evening to indict God for allowing his children to be massacred. I remember: I was there, and I felt like crying. But nobody cried."
Robert McAfee Brown wrote more about this trial Wiesel witnessed:
“The trial lasted several nights. Witnesses were heard, evidence was gathered, conclusions were drawn, all of which issued finally in a unanimous verdict: the Lord God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, was found guilty of crimes against creation and humankind.”
Note that in 2008 when commenting on this event, Wiesel clarified that “At the end of the trial, they used the word chayav, rather than ‘guilty.’ It means ‘He owes us something.’”
In the chapter “No God, Only Auschwitz” of his book Embracing Hopelessness, Miguel A. De La Torre comments on this verdict by explaining that if God wasn’t going to intervene, then God must at the least speak -- but instead, God was silent:
“God must be held accountable for refusing to speak to those yearning for God’s voice. Something. Anything. A note of solidarity. A testament of love, accompaniment. But they hear and receive nothing. The trial...ends with God owing us something.
De La Torre goes on to describe the play Wiesel wrote based on this memory, which actually takes place in a 1649 Ukranian village, rather than at Auschwitz. The Cossacks raid the village and kill all but two of its Jewish residents.
“In Wiesel’s play, he has the inkeeper Berish voice the same questions those sitting in death camps centuries later asked, if not audibly, then silently:
‘To mention God’s mercy in Shamgorod [Auschwitz] is an insult. Speak of his cruelty instead. ...I want to understand why. He is giving strength to the killers and nothing but tears and the shame of helplessness to the victims. ...Either he is responsible or He is not. If He is, let’s judge him; if He is not, let him stop judging us. ...
‘[I] accuse Him of hostility, cruelty and indifference. ...Either He knows what’s happening to us, or He doesn’t wish to know! In both cases He is...guilty! Would a father stand by, quietly, silently, and watch his children being slaughtered?’”
De La Torre continues with his own thoughts on all this:
“The horrors humanity faces indict God as being less loving and attentive than sinful parents. I hesitate to make any pronouncements as to the character of God because in the final analysis, I lack any empirical knowledge upon which to base my study. Still with all my heart and being I want to say: my God is the God of the oppressed who incarnates Godself among the least of these.
I want to make this bold claim based on the testimony of the gospel witness. But in the midst of the dark night, I confess this hopeful belief is at best a tenet accepted by faith, lacking any means of proving the truth or falsehood of the claim. In the shadow of Auschwitz, though I am not Jewish, nonetheless I am left wondering if the precious Deity who notices the fall of a sparrow is blind to God’s children crushed in the winepress. Do I dare wonder if God is the God of the oppressors?
...Or maybe this is a God who really wants to do good, but lacks the power to do anything in the face of inhumanity. ..."
There’s one more piece to this tale of Wiesel’s witness of the trial of God at Auschwitz. And that is that, after declaring God guilty (or chayav)...
...after what Wiesel describes as an "infinity of silence", the Talmudic scholar looked at the sky and said "It's time for evening prayers", and the members of the tribunal recited Maariv, the evening service. (McAfee Brown)
...That ending is the part that astounds and awes me. These Jewish prisoners at Auschwitz find God guilty -- and then proceed to pray as they always do. I am reminded of what my Jewish friends as well as various Jewish scholars have told me: that Judaism is totally compatible with wrestling with God and even with disbelief. Whether these Jewish prisoners believed God even existed, they prayed -- because that tradition of prayer is what unites them to one another, to their people.
As De La Torre closes his telling of Wiesel’s story,
“At the conclusion of the movie God on Trial, based on the events Wiesel described, shortly after the barrack inmates find God guilty, and those chosen are marched to the gas chamber, they cover their heads and pray. ...
Believers and unbelievers who took the audacious act of placing God on trial do what is totally illogical -- in the midst of their hopelessness they demonstrate their faith as they march toward the gas chambers, or they defiantly embrace who they are while still remaining in heated conversation, damning God. It matters not if God still hears their prayers, or if there even is a God to hear; they still pray, they still debate -- not for God’s sake, but for their own.”
And that brings me to the one bit of actual advice I’ll give you, anon:
If you want to spend your life “hunting God down,” as I said, all power to you! But I do suggest you ponder for whose sake you do so -- and whether you do so for justice or just revenge. What good does such a quest do for those who are suffering now? Are their other paths you could follow that would bring more good? What about your own healing? I imagine you’re not interested in repairing any relationship with religion -- would walking away from God rather than hounding God be a more healing and fruitful path for your finite life?
I’ll close with one more quote from De La Torre, from the very end of his chapter:
“As I stroll through what was once the concentration camp of Dachau, I am cognizant that this space witnessed the unspeakable horrors that befell God’s children at the hands of Christians hoping for a better, purer society and future. ...So do not offer me your words of hope; offer me your praxis for justice. ...In the midst of unfathomable suffering, the earth’s marginalized no longer need pious pontifications about rewards in some hereafter. Nor do they need their oppressors providing the answers for their salvation. What is needed is disruption of the norm to push humanity toward an unachievable justice.
When there is nothing to lose, when work does not set you free, not only are multiple possibilities opened up with new opportunities for radical change unimaginable to those playing it safe; but also a venue is provided by which to get real with whatever this God signifies. ...”
#theodicy#god's silence#god's absence#god on trial#wrestling god#...literally#suffering#embracing hopelessness#essays#Anonymous#holocaust /#shoah /#elie wiesel#yes yes i know this is a troll but hey. i like to talk about theodicy SO thanks for the chance to talk about theodicy at its most extreme
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Judaism and Animal Crossing
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE JEWISH TO READ THIS, IN FACT, PLEASE READ REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU’RE JEWISH OR NOT
i’m going somewhere with this i swear
actually probably multiple places because i’m ADHD and don’t often stay on just one thought but like,,,bear with me here
OK SO i am Jewish, ya know? like, i was raised in a conservative Jewish household, my mom and dad both come from Jewish families, i attended religious school at my synagogue twice a week in K-7th grade, i had a Bat Mitzvah, i went through confirmation class (though still haven’t technically been confirmed because of covid), i participate in Jewish youth group events and activities and even hold leadership positions in both my chapter and my region. most importantly, i believe in many of the stories and traditions of Judaism and consider these aspects of my life to be very important to me. i am a Jew.
i care about representation. i feel a bit left out during this time of year when i go out to a shopping center or really just anywhere in public, and i see Christmas wreaths and decorations and lights on every streetlamp, every building, every store. last night, my family went to help light the electric menorah that stands on the lawn of our local courthouse, and i commented on how there was a large Christmas tree, a scene of cardboard cutouts depicting the birth of Jesus, wreathes all around on the fence and gate surrounding the courthouse, and a Santa decoration standing right next to the menorah that was as large as the simple electric menorah that stood overshadowed by what was around it. Chanukah lasts for 8 nights. Christmas is one day, but it lasts for over a month.
this is going somewhere i swear. i’m gonna get to Animal Crossing.
the abundance of Christmas decorations and media and representation doesn’t surprise me; it never has. i expect it. expecting it doesn’t mean i’m not still disappointed when someone puts out a single tiny menorah next to a large Christmas tree and thinks that that’s representation.
i like to play Animal Crossing, specifically Animal Crossing New Horizons, though i did use to play New Leaf back when i had a DS. i like to participate in the festive days and celebrations and events in Animal Crossing. i participated in the festivities of Bunny Day earlier this year, though i’m still not really sure why, and that’s part of what this whole rant is about. Animal Crossing calls December 25th Toy Day, and leading up to it there are wreathes and festive decorations and announcements and twinkling lights. today, as i was playing, one of my islanders gifted me a Festive Wreathe and told me that they thought “everyone should have one of these during this season”.
i am a Jew. i celebrate Chanukah with my family every year. we light a menorah every night and we play dreidel and we fry latkes and we exchange presents. on Christmas, we do what many Jews in America do and we go to the movies and eat American Chinese food, sometimes even driving a few hours out to get kosher Chinese food so that i can eat something other than vegetarian lo mein, since i’m the only one in my family that still keeps kosher. i am saddened by the fact that i have yet to see any kind of Chanukah-like decoration or festivities in Animal Crossing. the holiday means Festival of Lights, something that i think would be a great name for a celebration in the Animal Crossing world!
so after all of this, can someone tell me why it is that i still want to display this festive wreathe that my islander gave me? why i bought a festive tree and fireplace back on my old copy of Animal Crossing New Leaf years ago? why i want to shake the pine trees that are draped in colored, twinkling lights, and find ornaments and craft the ornament wreathe DIY that Isabelle sent me?
i take pride in my Judaism. i tell others who are interested about my culture and my religion and what i know about the history and stories of my people, and i answer the questions they ask, and the ones i don’t know the answers to i ask my rabbi or my uncle who is also a rabbi. i share my traditions with others, inviting non-Jewish friends to come eat in my Sukkah during Sukkot, and play dreidel with me during Chanukah, and join my family’s seder during Pesach. i talk all the time about how much i want to be seen and represented and not be constantly overshadowed by Christianity. and i know that my religion is FAR from the only one to be overshadowed in this way. i know that Chanukah gets more attention than many other holidays and festivities of other religions, and Judaism gets more representation in the media than many other religions.
so why do i still want to participate in this same thing that i complain about once it’s brought into one of my favorite video games. am i becoming part of the same problem that i so badly wished could be fixed here in America? am i being brainwashed into thinking that as long as it “isn’t too religious” it should be fine, even though i know that it’s a tradition that stems from a specific religious holiday that isn’t mine? why do i want to participate while also wishing there was a menorah shining through the window of my ACNH house?
i know this is long and anyone who might’ve started it probably stopped reading by now, but if you made it to the end and might have answers as to why i want to participate in the game’s festivities and whether that’s okay or makes me part of the problem, please comment or reblog and tell me because i legitimately want to know. if you don’t have answers but think someone else might, please ask them or reblog or do SOMETHING because this is eating away inside of me.
i don’t want to abandon my beliefs and values because of a game, and i don’t want to feel like an event in a game is making me abandon those beliefs and values. i just want to be seen.
#acnh#animal crossing#animal crossing new horizons#animal crossing toy day#chanukah#christmas#jewish christmas#jewish#judaism#jewblr#jewish tumblr#jewish identity#jewish identity crisis#jewish representation#why am i like this#someone help me#:P
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big hot topic on tiktok that has been talked abt often that i wanna throw my two cents in abt the discussion but will do so here bc its going to be way easier than condensing it in 60 seconds and ppl will get even more mad abt it on there. under a cut so you can just not look if you don’t want to as it’s probably long and no one likes this discussion
disclaimer: im not jewish. culturally or religiously at all. so i do not have the best of insight of jewish folklore and i will mainly be repeating what i have heard jewish ppl say on it but you listening to jewish ppl on it will invariably be way more helpful. ultimately i am not talking to make an argument for or against lilith worship bc i can’t make that call, mainly just that arguments for it i see tend to be deeply flawed. ive seen jewish people who say they don’t care if people worship her and ive seen jewish people who are very much against it and frankly no one needs my non jewish ass giving them permission on it, i just don’t like some of the harmful arguments and at times BLATANT anti-Semitism i see in the discussions
“lilith isn’t a closed practice!!! she cant be closed!!! she’s a being/deity we can all recognize!!!”
this i feel starts with a misunderstanding of what “closed practice” means. a closed practice is a very broad term to describe any practices, typically spiritually in nature that are not freely shared 100% openly, usually due to trying to preserve cultural or religious practices. you can learn about most of them--if you go to a primary source. many people of closed practices are open about talking about it and teaching it to people who are interested, and some cannot due to years of oppression and theft of those said practices. some require initiation, and a lot of them are passed down with heavy cultural ties. and most importantly “closed practice” is a relatively new understanding of cultural preservation after colonization.
judaism isn’t a ‘fully closed’ religion, but it does have a set conversion order in place, and typically while converting you will learn under a rabbi or teacher. a lot of jewish mysticism, magic, and folklore are passed down culturally, so even converts may take a very long time to learn all the ins and outs of it. and a lot of times jewish practices, beliefs, texts, and folklore has been wholesale stolen by western new-age spiritualists, occultists throughout the ages, and demonized by people who seek to harm jewish people as a whole.
the pure fact of the matter is that unless you are learning from jewish people theres going to be a lot of things about lilith you don’t know. your understanding outside of the cultural jewish understanding of her is very different, yet you are the one who also constantly equates them as the same being with the same stories, with some modifications. yet time and time again whenever a jewish person would express anxiety over it (as she can be viewed as a very HARMFUL spirit to jewish people and not a deity for them) you talk over them and call them sexist, and when they try to correct you over misunderstandings of her stories you tell them you know more than them.
with closed practices what doesn’t matter is your bloodline or your skin, it is about the information you have access culturally, and that information may be kept from people like you so that the faith in question can be preserved because it has been threatened. and yes, jewish people have had their cultural, spiritual, and religious practices threatened. it isn’t about keeping you out because they don’t like you, its about the fact that you don’t know everything and the way you are going to learn it will be difficult and very different. ive seen white voodou workers who are actual recognized practioners (sorry for the lack of proper terminology on this i know they have proper words/titles but i dont know them), and they didn’t just look up whatever they could find online, they had to seek out a priest to learn from, and it took a lot of time and training.
there is a way to approach closed religious/spiritual practices, and someone saying ‘this is closed’ is not them saying ‘go away you cant even look at or be interested in this thing it is not for and never will be for people like YOU’. and ultimately HOW you go about approaching it will be decided by someone in that culture, and not however you feel would be the best way to do it as an outsider.
“how could so many people, if they aren’t actually contacting the “real lilith” be wrong? if shes from a closed practice she couldn’t reach out to so many people right? so they aren’t doing anything disrespectful”
spirits, deities, and other entities from closed practices do reach out to outsiders on occasion and the correct course for dealing with that is to immediately find a person of religious/spiritual authority and trying to work with that person to better understand why. again the point above: you do not have the cultural knowledge to work with them, you do not understand how to identify them, what practices best suit them, the multitudes of stories around them, and history of them working with humans. if you actually value them as an entity it is imperative you understand from a PRIMARY source all of this information, not just second and third hand accounts of outsiders.
and also a lot of colonizers have claimed to be personally connected or contacted by entities from a closed practice and use that as an excuse to not only not learn, but speak as an authority figure about them. there are people who claim to work with shinto spirits with absolutely 0 actual knowledge on shintoism yet feel like they have an authority to speak on it. there are people who claim to have been contacted by voodou, hoodou, and vodun spirits/entities and know nothing about it yet speak as authority figures on it. i’ve seen someone do it for a polynesian god. they did not care about actual learning, they cared about their own beliefs, validating those said already existing beliefs, and getting validation online. am i saying everyone is doing this with lilith? no. but saying “people wouldnt just lie/be wrong right?” yeah. yeah it happens all the time.
“they don’t even like her, they fear her, she’s a demon to them and is actually from babylonia, we are NOT worshipping the same version as her and they don’t even want anything to do with her so why does it matter”
in terms of actual cultural study a lot of jewish and christian stories are born from the cultures their people have had contact with. historically yes, jewish people have been in babylonia, assyria, and that area, and have made cultural exchanges with those people. a lot of cultural sharing has occured throughout history, but the jewish tellings of the stories have particularly jewish cultural knowledge and heritage in them. also we frankly do not have a lot of concrete surviving stories of lili, lilu, and lilitu, so i know you are not basing the meat and bones of your practice on those unless you have access to that cultural knowledge that not even archaeologists and anthropologists even know exists. most of it is on middle ages mysticism that developed her further based on jewish folklore and religious stories.
also just because a culture doesn’t worship and revere a spirit doesn’t mean it is yours for the adopting and taking. we see this with the cannibalistic spirit i will not name from algonquin tribes and shapeshifting spirits/witches i also will not name from navajo. these are not spirits you’re supposed to mention or talk about, and even more so because their culture has such intense, negative stories around them means you should probably give it a little more thought.
the last point i am going to make is the general, overt anti-semitism i see. stop comparing judaism to christianity. stop saying they are evil and misrepresent her because judaism is inherently sexist. stop saying they are oppressing your culturally christian raised ass. stop saying jewish people have no culture of their own and its “all stolen from pagan traditions” (which are somehow all equally open for you to take from too i suppose, as though middle eastern practices are exactly the same cultural weight as all white european ones)
again im not for the forceful closing of practices and i cannot give you fucking permission as i sure as shit do not know but i don’t think any of you even understand what “closed practice” means and why jewish people might have even the slightest misgivings about you working with or worshipping her and it really shows. if you have been heavily studying the occult, jewish traditions, and are doing so respectfully then i sure as hell am not here to argue with you about it so don’t come at me for it. what i am saying is a lot of people who do not have that and are absolutely disrespectful towards judaism and jewish people as a whole really keep making an ass of themselves on witchtok and are absolutely insufferable towards any jewish person who voices their thoughts and feelings on it, and i have a problem with that.
#antisemitism#lilith#ultimately this is part of a larger debate of jewish mysticism inspired old school occult traditions#but i know most of the people arguing have very little knowledge on it#hence the bad argumentation#tiktok has limited character space and time so i figured it would just be better to write it out#basically my point boils down to 'i dont know if you can do this respectfully as i am not qualified to tell you how that looks'#'but i do know that THIS way of doing it absolutely is not'
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[TJLC] Distracted by AGRA (or the many hints about personification of death in The Six Thatchers)
PLEASE CONSIDER THIS A WORK IN PROGRESS. IT’S NOT PERFECT BUT I HAVE SOME GOOD IDEAS HERE, I THINK, SO KEEPING IT FOR NOW.
A FEW DISCLAIMERS:
- I’m not a native English speaker and this wasn’t betad, so excuse the less-than-perfect English (although you’re about to find out what native language actually is).
- I’m very new in the fandom and in reading/writing meta, this would be my second meta post tbh, so excuse the amateurism.
- Everything I’m about to write here is based on very quick and easy Google searches. I’m BY NO MEANS AN ACADEMIC! I’m not well versed enough in any form of literary analysis to claim more than that, but perhaps this post will be a breeding ground for new ideas. If you are an academic and you find these interesting - please go ahead and expand on them.
- Lastly, this may have been picked up before by other meta writers and if so - I’m not aware of it, as I’m quite new to this fandom.
tl;dr: The Six Thatchers seems to be full of hints about the personification of death and cultural/religious representations of it, in a way that may even hint that that Mary = death, and/or that Moftiss were very preoccupied with the idea while writing it. It should be noted that I find these tidbits interesting in the context of well-established TJLC theories I’ve been reading up on a lot lately, namely EMP and M-Theory. I found these details interesting in the context of reading TST as something that’s happening in Sherlock’s MP as he’s dying and suspecting that Mary is dangerous and perhaps even linked to Moriarty.
AGRA > Samarra > The Four Angels of Death
As these things always go, I’ve been re-watching episodes while researching my WIP fic ‘Turned’. I have this new habit these days of only listening, instead of actually watching the episode in search of a fresh perspective. This time I was blown away, once again, by Sherlock and Mycroft’s conversation about AGRA. It’s a VERY odd conversation considering the topic, and what caught my ear this time was Mycroft mechanically reciting facts about the city of Agra. Why Agra, I asked? What’s so important about it? Nothing, the way I see it. One search led to another and I looked up Samarra, thinking perhaps I’ll find some connection between the two cities, but couldn’t.
The search for Samarra and the parable about it led me to the Appointment in Samarra wiki page, which mentions that the title of the book comes from a retelling of an ancient Mesopotamian tale by W. Somerset Maugham (the source of the next quote is here):
"The Appointment in Samarra"
(as retold by W. Somerset Maugham [1933])
The speaker is Death
There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me. The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threating getsture to my servant when you saw him this morning? That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.
There is also a very interesting study guide link from this website, which asks some very interesting questions about tale, such as Maugham’s decision to make Death a non-omniscient narrator of this tale, as well as a woman. I’ll return to Death being referred to as a woman later. However, since I have no expertise in literary readings, I’ll leave it to others who might be to add some more here.
More below the cut:
The version of the story in TST is a bit different; the servant is absent from the tale; it is instead the merchant who has the nighttime appointment with Death in Samarra after being startled to see Death that morning in the Baghdad market. (This note was taking from a wikipedia entry about another - apparently- very deterministic play by Maugham, Shepey.)
Anyway, the Appointment in Samarra wikipedia mentions that Maugham’s story comes from a much older version recorded in the Babylonian Talmud, Sukkah 53a.
The Talmud is the central text of Rabbinic Judaism. I’m a Hebrew speaking Jew, though an atheist one who isn’t well-read in religious texts at all, but I was intrigued enough to look up the Hebrew Talmud version of the text (in fact it’s originall in Aramaic, but wikipedia offers a Hebrew tranlsation). A quick Google search led me to the wikipedia page about the personification of death, and that’s when things got interesting.
Under the section about the grim reaper in Judaism, a story from the Talmud is mentioned, which seems to be another version of the Appointment in Samarra story. Here’s the story, translated by Google Translate, because I couldn’t find an English version:
The Babylonian Talmud tells of a sage, Rabbi Bibi, the son of Abiy, whose angel of death was often in his company. Rabbi Bibi heard the angel of death ask his emissary to name a woman named Miriam (Mary) who was a hair dresser (the future mother of Jesus). The messenger of death accidentally killed another woman named Miriam (Mary) who was a teacher. The angel of death said to his messenger: "I asked you to kill Miriam the barber and not Miriam the teacher." The messenger of death replied: Then I will bring Miriam the teacher back to life and bring before you Miriam the barber.
The angel of death said to him: If you have already brought Miriam the teacher, leave her with me along with the rest of the dead. The angel of death asked his messenger: How did you manage to kill the teacher Miriam even though it was not her time to die? The messenger of death replied: She was killed before an opportunity to kill her - she was fiddling with the stove with ember in her hand to clean the stove. Inadvertently she caused a burn in her leg - and when a person was harmed and his determination of his time to die was undermined - so I had a chance to kill prematurely. The sage, Rabbi Bibi, asked the angel of death: Do you have permission to kill people before their pre-determined time has come? The angel of death answered, "Yes, for it is written, 'There is no one who has perished without judgment.'
(According to wikipedia, this story is taken from תלמוד בבלי, מסכת חגיגה, דף ד, עמוד ב – דף ה, עמוד א).
AGR(A?M?)
Alright, I said, two Marys, escaping death but then meeting it eventually. It happens.
But as I read on… that Hebrew wikipedia page mentions another personification of death, the angel of death Azarel. Azarel has three ‘colleagues’ (e.g archangel) in Islam (and in some variations, they also exist in Judaism and Christianity): Jibrail (Gabriel), Israfil, commonly thought of as the counterpart of the Judeo-Christian archangel Raphael, and Mīkhā'īl (Michael).
So wait, that’s -- that’s Azarel, Gabriel, Raphael... as in AGR(A)? Whoa. That fourth angel mentioned in Islam is Michael - which doesn’t hold up with AGRA - but could that be a coincidence? We’re told two things about BBCSh’s AGRA, but we can’t really know they’re actually true. The first one is that Mary claims it’s her initials, which we later learn is possibly not true - John gets mad realizing it’s another lie. The other thing is that Mary claims to be ‘R’, for Rosamund, but we can’t be sure about that either. However, another cool detail: in Christianity, Raphael is generally associated with an unnamed angel mentioned in the Gospel of John, who stirs the water at the healing pool of Bethesda. Yes - I know, the M really doesn’t fit there, but M really is a character that stands out in the BBCSH universe, doesn’t it?
Moving on to more cultural references of the personification of death the Hebrew wikipedia page offers, note that I haven’t read the first and it’s been years since I watched the second:
Death with Interruptions
In Death with Interruptions by José Saramago, they mention, death is a woman, and she falls in love with one of her future victims. She decides to spare his life: Every time death sends him his letter [notifying him of his imminent death], it gets returned. Death discovers that, without reason, this man has mistakenly not been killed. Although originally intending merely to analyse this man and discover why he is unique, death eventually becomes infatuated with him, so much so that she takes on human form to meet him. Upon visiting the cellist, she plans to personally give him the letter; instead, she falls in love with him, and, by doing so, she becomes even more human-like.
Chess and The Seventh Seal
Another reference is the film The Seventh Seal, about a knight returning from a crusade, and discovers his land his ravaged by plague. The knight encounters Death, whom he challenges to a chess match, believing he can survive as long as the game continues. Does that remind you of any particular promo pics?
What I find interesting in all these references, is that they all seem to deal with questions regarding ‘dealing with death’ that, in the context of EMP for example, can be seen as Sherlock ‘running simulations’ (or asking philosophical questions) on how to deal with his current situations:
- ‘Do you have permission to kill people before their pre-determined time has come’? (Can people time die before their pre-determined time? Can people escape pre-determined death?)
- Can you interrupt death with love? Was Mary supposed to kill John, fell in love with him and thus his death was postponed? Is John still in danger?
- What can one do to postpone death - perhaps challenging it to a game, hoping for survival as you distract it?
Tagging other meta readers/writers who I think might enjoy this ; let me know if you don’t - I won’t tag you again): @sarahthecoat, @devoursjohnlock @inevitably-johnlocked @possiblyimbiassed @waitedforgarridebs @tjlcisthenewsexy @loudest-subtext-in-tv @therealsaintscully
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A christ-mack story: Andi Mack
read part one here
Part 2: Memories and Menorahs
[Word count: 1631]
T.J's POV
I was stressing out ripping through my cupboard I had never been to a Hanukkah celebration before I've only ever been to Cyrus's Bar and his Grandmother's Shiva. Those were easy enough go dress for but I wasn't sure what outfit said 'I'm here for Hanukkah but I'm also here to help your gay son come out to you' luckily I called for some back up.
"I'm here the dating expert is here" Jonah said bursting into my room
"Pipe down Jonah we all know how your relationships ended" Marty said trailing behind.
"Well if I have such bad relationships how come I easily get back into them?" He said smirking
"Guys big picture I need help"
"Okay, okay let me dig into your closet Marty get the make up kit" Jonah said going inside my mess
"Th-the what?" I said nervously
"Hey Jo do we need the razor for his hair?" Marty said from the hallway
"Um yeah" Jonah said his voice suddenly a little high pitch.
"What no not the hair!" I said frantically they both started laughing coming to stand next to me.
"You big idiot we're joking" Marty said patting my back
"Dude you're over thinking this Cyrus likes you because you're you and it seems cliche but if you be yourself in front of his parents you'll do fine" Jonah said smiling encouragingly
"Thank you Jonah"
"Yeah man your a great person we all know that now the Goodmans have met you before anyways you just need to have confidence Cyrus is probably just as nervous" Marty reassured
"But I can still pick a decent outfit because you know don't wanna look you don't care" Jonah said digging into my closest
******
Bex's POV
I had been avoiding talking about Gabriel changing the subject whenever Bowie tried bringing him up I'm thankful he never spoke about it in front of Andi even though she knew more than he did. I just wasn't ready to re-live those memories again. But Bowie wasn't having any of it he kept pressing on and on now I couldn't avoid it since Andi had gone out with Buffy.
"Bex please just tell me who he is" he pressed
"W-who" I pretended play dumb
"Gabriel"
Whenever I was with Gabriel, my self-esteem always took a hit. He would jokingly criticise what I wore or the way I did my hair and makeup, saying things like, ‘Were you still asleep when you got dressed this morning?’ and ‘Your eye shadow and lipstick colours make you look super-old – maybe you need some makeup lessons’. Looking back now, I can say that his comments were hurtful and unnecessary, but at the time I just passed them off as him trying to be funny. Whenever he made such belittling jokes, I would force a smile but on the inside I’d be crying.
"He's nobody don't worry" I said to Bowie smiling but also freaking out on the inside. How did he even find my number? What could he possibly want to tell me?
"You're sure he's nobody? you seem on edge by the mention of his name" he said putting a hand on my arm
"I'm sure h-he supplied me with new chairs for cloud ten last week"
"Oh well alright then I'm gonna make some lunch hungry?"
"Always" I threw a small smile which felt more like a grimace but I saw his phone number still on there I quickly wrote it down and deleted the message.
Occasionally, however, Gabriel would compliment me or say something supportive – in those moments, I would reassure myself that our relationship was okay and that I ought to stay with him. At the time, I couldn’t see that that was just his way of controlling me and to keep me hooked so that I wouldn’t leave him.
I shuddered thinking of all those memories. I had a lot other important things to think about. Something really big in particular I didn't have a lot of time to worry about Gabriel.
But I should at least hear what he has to say.
Cyrus's POV
"I-I'm gay but this doesn't change a thing I'm still me"
I had given the same speech to myself in front of the mirror for the past half hour I still didn't feel as if I could go out there and do it. I hardly believed in the words I was saying. A tear slid down my cheek I wiped it away I had to compose myself. I read somewhere that it's difficult coming out to the ones you love because you've known them forever you don't want things to change. That's probably why it hurt so much. I washed and dried my face straightening the kippah on my head taking a deep breath. I jumped when there was a knock on the bathroom door.
"Cyrus your friend T.J's here" I heard my mom say from the outside
"Okay" I opened the door and went downstairs T.J was talking to my aunt Ruthie
Oh no.
"So T.J are you Jewish?" She had a scary look in her eye
"No I'm just here for Cyrus" he smiled coolly
"Oh are there any girls in school that are interested in him or do you know of any he could go out with?" T.J looked a little confused so I went in to save him
"Hey aunt Ruthie chag sameach" (happy holiday)
"Oh Hanukkah sameach dear" (happy hanukkah)
She left me and T.J alone and no one could see us from the halls so I went in for a quick hug and he smiled kissing my forehead
"Sorry about her she's very well..." I trailed off looking for the right words
"I get it my relatives are like that too" he took my hand making light circles on the back.
"Are you okay?" He asked concerned
"Y-yeah I'm just really nervous since most of my family is here" he squeezed my hand
"You'll be alright I promise" I smiled at him gratefully. We entered the living room my mom putting up a picture of Bubbe Rose I realised it's my first Hanukkah without her.
We all stood around the Menorah as all eight candles were lit as it was the final day my family's rabbi recited a prayer that everybody followed along with T.J attempted but without much success since it was in hebrew but it was sweet he tried. I subtly wrapped a pinky around his we did the same linking them together without drawing too much attention.
"Cyrus" Rabbi Hurwitz suddenly spoke making my pinky move away from T.J's "I'm going to lead a prayer for your Bubbe Rose would you like to join?"
I wanted to but I wasn't sure I'd be able to get through it I've been missing her so much recently.
"N-no thank you sorry" he nodded understanding I wasn't ready he said the prayer I hung my head low fighting the tears in my eyes. Once it was over I was about to go help my mom in the kitchen but T.J quickly put a hand on my shoulder.
"Are you okay underdog?" He said softly I just shrugged
"I will be as soon as this is over with" I said reassuring him.
I brought the food to the table and set it down pointing out to T.J what food is good and what isn't good this year I made sure gefilte fish wasn't on the menu nobody likes it any ways.
"Cyrus um... I was just speaking with Rabbi Hurwitz and I just wanted to let you know that it's okay" my dad reassured
"I don't understand" I said confused
"It's just he said he saw you... hold hands with T.J over here" oh shit.
"What" my mom interrupted coming over "Cyrus honey are you gay?"
"Well I-i" I stuttered
"Gay what is that?" My aunt Ruthie intruded. That's the last thing I needed
"I can shed some light on this" T.J began with my other family members beginning to listen "Yeah um me and Cyrus we... we are dating"
"Yes T.J is my boyfriend" I said smiling proudly taking his hand "we're both gay... I'm gay" I breathed out
"You... You're both boys" my aunt Ruthie objected
"Yeah good catch but gay means you're a boy that's only romantically attracted to boys that's way I haven't had any girlfriends since Iris I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was scared" T.J squeezed my hand tightly.
"Plus after Bubbe...p-passed away I felt so guilty for not telling her when I knew I could of" my breath got caught in my throat.
"Honey don't worry she knew" my eyes went wide at what my mom said
"How?"
"When me and Norman last spoke to her she told us to never disrespect you just because you're different from us she said we should treat you the same as we always have I didn't understand at the time but now I do"
I was in shock I have no idea how she could of known but at least she did know.
"T.J we are glad it's you Cyrus has found" my dad said putting a hand on T.J's shoulder he smiled thankfully.
"Well I guess I'm happy for you Cyrus he seems like a very nice boy and if Rose was okay with it then so am I" Aunt Ruthie squeezed my face
"Well then all that's left to do is... eat I mean now I feel the need to celebrate" I smiled my family sat down at the table me and T.J had been holding hands the whole time.
And I wasn't planning on ever letting go.
#andi mack#jonah beck#cyrus goodman#buffy driscoll#good hair crew#tyrus#andi mack meme#tj kippen#amber andi mack#christmas#fanfiction#tyrus fanfic#hanukkah
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Questions (Peter Parker x Jewish!Reader)
Title: Questions
Pairing: Peter Parker x Jewish!Reader
Summary: Peter has lived in a Jewish neighborhood the majority of his life, but he has never once tried to learn more about the people living there. That was until he met you.
Requested: No.
Word Count: 1.9k!
Author’s Note: This story is more of a platonic pairing. The reader teaches Peter about her religion because he’s curious. He watches the reader do certain things that she wouldn’t question, but he did because it was different for him.
I am Jewish but some of my facts could still possibly be incorrect. Feel free to correct me and leave feedback.
--
It was your first day at Midtown High and you were nervous. All of your life you have lived in a small town, but you’re family decided to move to a larger community. Your father was appointed to be the new Rabbi at the Modern-Orthodox synagogue in Queens. Although you were happy for him, it was hard to move to a big city.
It seemed weird to your father at first that you were even going to Midtown. There were many Jewish schools in New York that you could go to. You had a love for science and your mother didn’t mind sending you. You planned study lessons with your father after school so you could still learn Judaic studies.
Your family was Modern-Orthodox. You kept Kosher and Shabbat, which are laws directly from the Torah. However, you didn’t keep all of the typical Orthodox customs. Your mother didn’t wear a sheitel (wig for hair covering), but instead, she would wear scarves or baseball caps. Sometimes she didn’t cover her hair at all. You did participate in all of the Jewish holidays, not just Hanukkah and Passover.
You got ready for school like you normally would. You woke up, you got dressed in your skirt and long sleeve top, and then you prayed. After that, you went to the kitchen to make breakfast for yourself and then prepared your lunch. You saw that your sister, Gilah, hadn’t packed her lunch yet.
“Gilah, do you need me to help you pack your lunch?” you asked your younger sister.
“Yes, please. Ima (Hebrew for mom) told me to ask you before we went to school,” she replied. Your sister was 8 and she didn’t know how to pack herself a well-balanced lunch, so you would usually have to help her out.
You had 3 older brothers and one younger sister. Your brothers were in yeshiva (post high school program for Torah study) and they were out of the house so you took on the job of helping out your younger sister.
You packed lunches for the two of you, grabbed breakfast, and then made your way out the door to walk Gilah and yourself to school.
“Y/N, don’t forget that we need to call Bubbe after school to tell her about our day!” your sister said on your walk. Every day after school you would visit your grandmother and talk to her about your day. Since you moved, you would have to call her instead.
“I could never forget, Gilah,” you said. You dropped Gilah off at school and then made your way to Midtown. When you approached the building your first thought was: This school is huge. Typically, Jewish day schools are much smaller in size.
You made your way in and honestly, you were a bit overwhelmed by the size of the school. You got your schedule and made your way to your locker. You looked to your right and saw that your locker neighbors with a brown-haired boy. A very cute boy. At least that’s what you saw from his side profile.
“Hi, excuse me?” you asked. Then the boy turned around and you definitely confirmed to yourself that he was cute.
“Y-yeah?” he stuttered.
“I’m Y/N L/N. Ummm, I’m a junior and I’m new here. I was wondering if you could show me where the lab is?” you asked him. You were here a few minutes early. Doesn’t hurt to ask.
“Sure. I’m actually going there too. I’m Peter by the way. Peter Parker,” he said with a smile. You both then made your way to the lab for your first period class.
“So what made you move here?” Peter asked.
“My dad got a new job,” you said simply.
“What does your dad do?” Peter asked.
“He’s a Rabbi,” you said.
“So you’re Jewish? That’s so cool! Do you happen to live in Forest Hills?” Peter asked. Peter lived in Forest Hills which was mostly a Jewish neighborhood.
“I do actually,” you said.
“I live there too, but I’m not Jewish. I love my neighbors though. I even went to my neighbors Hanukkah party this year!” Peter rambled. “Sorry for rambling.”
“Don’t apologize,” you said and finally you were in the lab.
You were enjoyed Midtown. You liked the classes you were in and the students were really nice.
It was lunch and you made your way to the cafeteria. You spot Peter at a table with his friends. He locked eyes with you and waved.
“Can I sit with you?” you asked as you approached his table.
“Sure,” he said as patted the seat next to him.
You pulled out your lunch bag and then pulled out your salad. Before taking a bite, you said a quick prayer and then ate. Peter noticed you mumbling to yourself.
“Did you say something Y/N?” Peter asked curiously.
“I was just saying a quick prayer. No biggie,” you said as you kept eating. Peter was curious as to why you packed your own lunch. School lunch at Midtown came for free with tuition.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you pack your own lunch?” Peter said.
“Oh, I don’t mind the question. I keep Kosher,” you said. Peter settled for that answer. He didn’t know anything about keeping Kosher, but he didn’t want to pry. He would just look it up later.
“What is Kosher exactly?” Peter’s friend said.
“Ned! Can we not bother her about every little detail please?” Peter asked Ned.
“It’s okay to ask questions, Peter. In Judaism, people encourage us to ask. We are all about asking questions and learning more,” you said and then Peter urged you to go on.
“The word ‘kosher’ is Hebrew for ‘fit’ or ‘appropriate’, and kosher foods are those foods that are deemed fit by the regulations of kashrut, the Jewish dietary law,” you said.
“Is it really important?” Peter asked. He didn’t want to come off as rude, he genuinely wanted to know.
“It’s actually one of the most important aspects of our religion. It’s a way to uphold the fundamentals of our beliefs,” you said. “There are specific foods that are deemed appropriate by kashrut such as land animals that have cloven hooves and chew their cud. We’re allowed to eat most birds. And also no shellfish,” you continued.
“So you can’t eat bacon?” Peter asked.
“Correct, pigs don’t chew their cud. Also, they’re super cute,” you said with a giggle. “There are many more laws involving Kosher, such as symbols on snacks and stuff, but I don’t want to bore you.”
“That’s really interesting. Some of my Jewish neighbors don’t do that though,” Peter said.
“That’s because everyone’s on their own level. Not all Jews are the same. Some can be completely secular and only celebrate traditional holidays like Hanukkah, others keep the Sabbath and Kosher and follow all of the laws and customs, and some are in between,” you said.
“What are some of the key fundamentals of Judaism?” Peter said. He wanted to know more.
“Lunch break isn’t long enough for that, Peter. You could come over one day and we can have a discussion about it, if you want. Don’t feel pressured though. It’s a lot of information,” you said.
“You free today?” Peter asked. That questioned made you smile. This was all new to you too. All of your life you had Jewish friends so some of this stuff was hard to explain.
“Yeah. I just need to text my parents to see if they’ll be home,” you said as you began to text your parents. They texted you back and they didn’t really want you bringing a boy home, but you convinced them.
“They gave the okay. I just have to pick up my sister from school, call my grandmother, and then you can come over,” you said.
Peter, Ned, and you exchanged numbers. Ned decided on not coming this time around, which was fine.
Peter was nervous about coming to your house. What if he said something offensive by accident? He also didn’t want to come to your house empty-handed but he didn’t know which Kosher symbols your family held. He decided on shooting you a quick text before going to the store.
Peter: Hey. I don’t want to come to your house empty-handed. What Kosher symbols do you follow?
You read the text and smiled. He’s so sweet.
Y/N: That’s so sweet of you Peter. We usually get snacks with CRC, OU, and the k with the star around it :)
Peter: Ok thanks. I’ll be there soon.
You were excited that Peter was interested in your religion, but did he actually want to be your friend? Well, maybe he did. You didn’t really know.
He came to your house, treats in hand, and gave a light knock on your front door. He was met with what he assumes to be your mother.
“Hello. You must be Peter, come in,” she said with a welcoming smile.
“I brought you some coffee cake,” Peter said as he handed your mother the treat.
“I love this brand. Thank you, Peter. Y/N, come to the living room. Your friend is here!” your mom said.
“Hey Peter,” you said as you made your way to the living room.
“Hey,” he said.
“My dad should be home soon. He just had to go to prayer services at the synagogue,” you said.
Your father came home about five minutes later and he was eager to learn with you.
“Y/N, what books did you pick out for today’s session?” He asked as he made his way to sit by the two of you.
“Abba, I didn’t pick out any books today,” you said.
“Why not?” He asked.
“Well Mr. L/N... wait, or is it Rabbi L/N?” Peter asked.
“It’s usually Rabbi but whatever you’re comfortable with,” your father said.
“Well anyway, I came over because Y/N was teaching me about Judaism during school because I wanted to know more. We didn’t really finish talking about it,” Peter said.
“Why do you want to know more, Peter?” Your father questioned.
“Ummmm, maybe it’s because I lived all my life in this neighborhood and I never once acknowledged their religion,” Peter said.
“Maybe that’s because you don’t care about the religion someone’s affiliated with, you just care about the person that they are,” you chi med.
“I guess so,” Peter said simply.
“Why do you want to know more now?” your father asked.
“Because I met your daughter and I knew that I was going to be friends with the minute I saw her. I want to know more because it’s a part of who she is. I may not be religious but I want to know what makes Y/N the way she is,” Peter said. He was proud of his answer. You were proud of his answer.
Peter and you got along pretty well after that. You didn’t only talk about your religion. You talked about each other. You realized you liked a lot of the things that Peter liked as well. You’ve been hanging out ever since the first day of school. You really fit in with Peter and his friends. Peter would come over twice a week to hang out with you and to do homework. Peter kept asking questions about Judaism. You were happy to answer. He stopped asking as much because Peter knew that your religion wasn’t the only thing that made you who you are. It is a big part of your identity, but not the only part. He then started more questions about you. You were definitely happy to answer those questions.
--
Peter Parker Taglist:
@peterandtom @osterfieldnholland @serasara809 @beverlyparkerr @kickingn-ames @peonyophelia @fancyxholland @viagracex @unsaidholland @cindercock
@tom-hlover @starlight-starks @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @yalikejazzzz
@panickedbrain @musicalkeys @quaksonhehe @anapocalypseinmymind @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @hollandfangirl
Tagging mutuals who may be interested: @fallinfortom @cosmicholland
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Masterlist
#abby writes#peter parker#peter parker x reader#peter parker imagine#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker fluff#spiderman#spiderman far from home#spiderman x reader#spiderman fanfiction#tom holland#peter parker x jewish!reader#jewish#jumblr
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Shadow of Night Read Along: Chapter 29
Matthew manages to arrange a meeting with Rabbi Loew. To make time for it, Diana feigns illness to get out of her court appointments, which only sparks the emperor’s interest more, prompting him to send her gifts. Matthew and Diana make their way to the Jewish quarter, where they meet the Rabbi, who is, according to Matthew, “one of the finest men who has ever lived.” The Rabbi first thinks that Matthew—Gabriel, as he knows him—is there about the witch who created the golem, but Matthew is honest with him, and tell him that they are there about the book. The Rabbi confirms that the emperor has—or at least had—the book; he was called to the palace to see it, but couldn’t read it, and now doesn’t know where it is. However, it makes Diana realize that the book still must be complete. Rabbi Loew agrees to take Diana to the Prague weaver, but only her—on their walk there, they talk about tolerance and acceptance. Abraham, the weaver is glad to see Diana—although he is not happy about her husband—and the two of them have a jovial conversation about their familiars. During her visit, a vampire, Herr Fuchs arrives, who puts Diana on edge, along with Herr Maisel, the emperor’s financier, who escorts Diana back to Matthew. Before they part, Abraham tell Diana that she must let the book come to her. When they get back home, another gift is waiting for Diana from the emperor: a puppy, looking like a mop. That night, Matthew sends everyone away so he and Diana are left alone. They have a heated argument over what Diana did that afternoon and what scents she is carrying. Diana calls him out on only tolerating her magic, not accepting it. Their argument concludes in wild, possessive sex against the wall, which Matthew regrets right after, even though Diana tells him that she didn’t mind and that she is not afraid of him.
Notes
I love the respect that narrative has for Rabbi Loew.
It’s interesting that Rabbi Loew starts out with speaking to them in Latin.
Diana took dance lessons as a child.
It’s precious how Matthew just casually sits down on the floor to show his respect to the Rabbi. (Also, why does it conjures the mental image of him sitting on the floor and playing with the children?)
Previously it has been implied that Diana doesn’t know much about the Bible because of her pagan roots, and yet here she shows enough knowledge to use theology to get to Rabbi Loew.
Another sign of Phillippe not caring about such fickle things as “modern” religion: he has worked against and for Jews.
I’m living for the mental image of Matthew sitting on the floor, hugging his knew to his chest.
I wonder what kind of stories Pierre is telling the children.
The “bathhouse for the women” Rabbi Loew mentions must be a mikveh, a ritualistic bath taken by Jewish women after menstruation and childbirth to cleanse themselves.
The text mentions the emperor’s “holy war against the Turks.” Rudolf was also the king of Hungary, which, at this point, was torn into three parts, the middle part (most of today’s Hungary) being occupied by the Turks.
The treatment of Jews by Christians has been infernal for centuries.
Another trait I share with Diana: I, too, have a limited understanding of German.
Abraham says that there were more weavers before the Congregation—which makes sense, a weaver needs daemonic ancestry, and if witches and daemons cannot mix…
Although the golem is referred to as a familiar, his creation sounds very different to Corra’s. And while Corra very much has a will on her own, the golem does not.
I’m gonna be honest: I do not like the scene with Benjamin, I mean on a technical level. The point here is that we meet Benjamin, but the way he is inserted is… awkward at best. Forced. It leaves too many unanswered questions.
However, I like Herr Maisel. He seems like a delightful man.
How old is this “touching the side of the nose to indicate mischief” gesture is? Honestly, I learned this from Hollywood, and totally thought that it was like a mafia thing.
Oooh, actual Hungarian stuff! Lobero is a komondor. Theay ARE huge, and they do look like a mop—however, their corded coat takes time to develop; puppies don’t have it. Puppies loook like this. Komondors are actually not that common, and least not around where I live—I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in person—but they are considered a traditional breed. There is another, similar breed, called puli, with the same corded coat. However, pulis are about half the size of komondors, and they are commonly black instead of white. For comparison, here’s a komondor and a puli.
Gosh, I’d like to slap Matthew here. This behavior is unacceptable, someone really needs to put him in his place. Also, not bearing the scent of other’s mingling with Diana’s? That’s rough, bro. Then make sure your scent overpowers theirs. You know, the way cats rub against their owners?
Even enraged, led by his instincts, Matthew makes sure that the sex is good for Diana, too.
Favorite quotes
“I’m young enough to sit at your feet like one of your pupils, Maharal.” Matthew grinned and folded himself gracefully into a cross-legged position.
“The town is buzzing with reports that Meshuggener Edward was flying around Malá Strana with the devil. Naturally, I assumed you were involved.” This time Rabbi Loew’s tone held a note of gentle reproof. “Gabriel, Gabriel. What will your father say?”
“That I should have dropped him, no doubt. My father has little patience with creatures like Edward Kelley.”
“Typical,” I muttered. “Three grown men and a woman, and guess who gets stuck with the dragon?”
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Book 13 of 2020: The Flame Alphabet
The Flame Alphabet by Ben Marcus
I'm exceedingly behind on these reviews, as usual, so please bear with me.
"To refrain from storytelling is perhaps one of the highest forms of respect we can pay. Those people, with no stories to circle them, can die without being misunderstood."
I absolutely fell in love with this book. It's complicated, twisting, and felt weirdly relevant to our current situation. An epidemic has spread across America that makes children's speech lethal to everyone with long-term exposure to it. The protagonist, Sam, and his wife are tortured by their teenage daughter Esther. They don't want to leave her behind as some parents have, but Sam's wife, Claire, is beginning to give out. The story is told in a spiralling manner, in which it circles back to topics previously discussed and events in the past as it continues forward. Additionally, Sam and Claire rely on underground radio transmissions from a rabbi in an unknown location, and Sam begins to hear rumors about a man who is working on a cure for this epidemic. Seemingly overnight, speech is removed from society. Even adults do not speak; though children's speech is the most lethal, any speech exposure is enough to cause symptoms and eventual death. When Sam and Claire eventually escape their daughter, Sam finds himself thrust into an evolving world of cure and vaccine research, examining the nature of speech and communication, and continuing to survive in a world with no verbal or written instructions. There is also an interesting subplot revolving around Sam's Judaism and the way his knowledge of religion and Hebrew factors into his interpretation of the events placed before him. I'm not Jewish, and I tend to dislike religious or spiritual plots/subplots, but I really enjoyed this addition. Everything was laid out in such a way that a goyim like me still figured it all out with no outside research, and I think it added a lot of depth to Sam's character and contextualized some of his decisions and thought processes. I also liked the way Hebrew text made an appearance in the story and impacted Sam's research on communications and cures in the language-stripped world.
Sam is flawed and somewhat gray as a character, but still makes a compelling character who the reader wants to root for no matter what. He has clear motivations, and is a detailed and intricate character. Because there is little to no dialogue throughout the book, Marcus relied heavily on action and description, but I never felt bogged down with exposition. This was certainly an interesting read, particularly because the world Marcus created seems to become a dystopia overnight. I really enjoyed the prose he used to convey this all, and the eventual turn the story takes. The ending, in particular, I enjoyed because it felt conclusive but not cookie-cutter.
As a side note, I noticed some really mixed reviews for this book on GoodReads. People seem to really like Marcus' prose or think the way he builds his world is way too much. I personally enjoyed the somewhat cerebral feel, but others found it heavy-handed. From what others have said, I think you would probably be able to tell from the first few pages if you would enjoy the style - so maybe read a sample before you buy/borrow the whole book.
Trigger warnings for disease, death/character death, complicated family dynamics, self-medication, sex, discussions of religion, and generally heavy topics. It's difficult to give too many specifics without spoiling the book but if you're ever curious feel free to message me for a more detailed list.
My final opinion: My current chart-topper for 2020 favorite!
#contrespeaks#books of 2020#bookblr#booklr#the flame alphabet#ben marcus#book reviews#mini book review#book recs#dystopian#science fiction#scifi
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Thursday Thoughts: Sophie Sides
I cannot overstate how highly I recommend the web series Sanders Sides. In this scripted series, YouTuber Thomas Sanders shares the screen with a cast of characters, each a personification of an aspect of Sanders’s own personality – and each performed by Sanders himself. The ensuing debates and shenanigans are quick-witted, hilarious, and increasingly thought-provoking as the show progresses and more of Sanders’s “Sides” make their presence known.
I stumbled across these videos at a time when I really needed to do some serious reflection on some big questions, such as “What kind of person do I want to be?” and “Am I taking good care of myself?” – the kinds of questions that this show tackles. Sanders Sides has definitely helped me think through some difficult topics.
It’s also gotten me thinking about my own Sides. If I were to split my personality up into different characters, who would I find? I wouldn’t divide myself up along the exact same lines as Thomas Sanders, of course, though our personalities do overlap in some interesting ways.
Let me introduce you to the Sophie Sides!
Lilly – The Dreamer
If it’s time for fun and imagination, then Lilly is not only on board, but at the helm! She is my creative side, the source of my storytelling and my artistic drive. Lilly also embodies my more childlike aspects, including playfulness and optimism. She’s my love of fantasy novels, Disney movies, and puns – and it’s ridiculously easy to make her laugh. Lilly is a constant source of new ideas, so she can be really distracting when I need to focus on just one task. She believes that “princess” is a compliment no matter what tone of voice it’s said in.
(Lilly’s full name is Lilly Belle, a reference to Lillian Disney – Disney Studios ink artist, wife of Walt Disney, and the reason we know the famous mouse as Mickey rather than Mortimer! Lilly wears the longest, swishiest blue dress, perfect for twirling like a Disney princess!)
Maddy – The Mother
I’ve always been the Mom Friend, and Maddy is why. She is the personification of my idea of what it means to be an adult – rational, responsible, and nurturing. Maddy keeps my priorities in order and makes sure that I stay on track and on schedule for all the important things in life. This includes eating well, attending doctor’s appointments, doing homework, attending synagogue, developing my career, and taking care of my friends. Maddy loves structure, rules, and tradition, and so she embodies my religious observance as well.
(Maddy starts with M – M as in “mother” and “maternal”! The other Sides will call her “Mom” if she’s getting too overbearing. Maddy wears professional attire: a black blazer, black slacks, and a dark blue blouse.)
Vashti – The Warrior
For Vashti, the term “social justice warrior” is no insult. She is my morality – a strong, instinctive sense of right and wrong, combined with an incessant, selfless desire for things to be fair. Vashti also embodies my aggressiveness, defensiveness, and vindictiveness; she tends to show up when I’m really pissed off, and she’s a lot shoutier than the other Sides. She holds both me and the world to a very high standard, and she has an unfortunate tendency to jump to conclusions and see issues as black and white. Without her, I’d be a much worse person – but I’m glad the other Sides are there to balance her out.
(In the Book of Esther, Vashti was the queen of Persia. One night, her husband the king told her to dance naked in front of his friends. She refused! My mom used this story to inspire in me an early sense of feminism, and so Vashti seemed the perfect name for this Side. Vashti rocks matching blue jeans and denim jacket over a “Girls Rock!” t-shirt.)
Sidney – The Slacker
While the first three Sides are a “get things done” kind of people, Sidney… is not. She represents my laziness, self-indulgence, and procrastination. Sidney encourages me to expend as little energy as possible and to devote my time to leisure activities, which can put her sharply at odds with Vashti, Maddy, and Lilly. In Sidney’s defense, she is a much-needed source of “chill” in my life. Without her, the other Sides would burn me out!
(Besides the useful alliteration of “Slacker Sidney,” Sid is the name my parents had on standby if I’d been assigned male at birth. The name is mine, but also not mine – appropriate for a Side who embodies qualities about myself that the other Sides don’t readily accept as a part of me. Sidney wears a burgundy hoodie and dark blue sweatpants.)
These first four are the aspects of myself I’m most comfortable with. But, just like in Sanders Sides, the exploration doesn’t end there…
Ex – Anxiety
Two years ago, I wrote a fairy tale about a little monster named Ex who mimics other people’s voices, tricking you into imaginary arguments that get you all riled up about things that didn’t actually happen. When I started thinking about my Sides, Ex turned up again.
Ex would tell you that she’s my forethought, my ability to imagine the outcomes of future interactions. However, the scenarios she presents always run negative. It’d be more accurate to say that Ex embodies my anxiety. She insists that she knows, with 100% certainty, what other people are thinking and how they will react to me. Her goal is to keep me safe, but she tends to blow things out of proportion and leave me feeling downright awful.
(Ex is a shapeshifter, able to appear as anyone in Sophie’s life and even as the other Sides. Ex’s name is the variable X – a placeholder for whatever role she may choose to play. I’m reluctant to give her a name, lest the arguments I have with her taint my emotional response to anyone I happen to meet with that same name. When Ex appears as herself, she wears a long green trench coat and a blue fedora hat. She has little blue horns and a tail which are all obviously attached to her clothing instead of being a part of her body.)
(Side note – lately, I’ve been thinking differently about my interactions with Ex. I’ll talk a bit more about that in next week’s Thursday Thoughts!)
Mal – Depression
Mal embodies my depression and grief. Her appearances used to be much more infrequent, and it was easier to ignore her. Until this year, it’s been easier for me to see her as an enemy or as something that I should hide. But Mal shows up as an expression of my pain. While all the other Sides are talkative, Mal never speaks. Her presence alone is enough to derail a conversation with a wave of sadness; she quietly, sullenly commands attention.
(“Mal” is a Latin root meaning “bad” or “evil,” and Mal embodies the worst feelings I’ve ever had, in response to the worst things which have ever happened to me. She spends most of her time hidden under a pile of blankets, only sitting up when she wants to be noticed, so it’s unclear what she’s wearing. She has permanent dark blue tearstains on both cheeks.)
Eve – Yetzer Hara
If Vashti is Yetzer Hatov – the good inclination, my drive to make the world a better place – then Eve is Yetzer Hara – the evil inclination, my selfishness. As far as Eve is concerned, I should be my number one priority, everyone else in the world be damned! Vashti generally bans Eve from having a seat at the table, as it were, because once Eve has a say, she’s difficult to ignore. Eve is a smooth-talking politician with an agenda of ambition and pride. As Rabbi Nahman said, without yetzer hara telling us to envy our neighbors, we would never seek to improve ourselves. But as Rabbi Hillel said, if I am only for myself, then what am I?
(Christians blame the biblical Eve for “original sin,” and my Eve never met a deadly sin she couldn’t make sound appealing. Of course, she’d be the first to point out that in Judaism the concept of “sin” is much more complicated than that! Eve wears a light blue dress, much more form-fitting and much less swishy than Lilly’s. She has glowing golden eyes – and when she convinces the other Sides to listen to her, then their eyes start to glow, too…)
I ended up going much deeper in this little exercise than I expected to. Overall, it was a lot of fun! I don’t plan on making a web series about my Sides, but who knows? Maybe I’ll write a fic about them someday.
How about you? Are you a fan of Sanders Sides? Have you ever thought about what Sides make up your personality? If not, take a moment and try it out, and let me know who you discover – I’d love to hear about them!
#introspective#introspection#sanders sides#thomas sanders#creativity#mom friend#mom instinct#anxiety#depression#social justice warrior#evil inclination#judaism#procrastination#slacker#thursday thoughts#speculative fiction#reviews#sin#selfishness#selflessness#self care
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Hi! So I was one of the anons who was asking a writing question on this blog. In light of one of the other asks that suggested gentiles use more detail when approaching this blog as a writing resource, I’m going to resubmit my question with additional context. I know a lot of people rely on this blog and I don’t want to take up too much time.
So, the question I asked was about other gods and Jewish characters interacting with them, and I used Mara (fictional) and Hestia (Hellenic) as examples. I believe I mentioned blessings as well, although I was oversimplifying to save on room to fit in one ask, and after laying everything out I can see where I really didn’t do the respondents any favors by doing so given this is a bit of a nuanced question with a lot of context.
Mod here. I’m interrupting to thank you for the level of detail and for being willing to come off anon. Submission continued under the cut for those who are interested.
The character in question is Tim Drake/Robin/Red Robin from DC Comics, who hasn’t been confirmed as canonically Jewish, but his definitive writer, Chuck Dixon, has gone on record as stating he considered Tim a Jewish character, although as far as I know there haven’t been many, if any, hints that Judaism plays any meaningful role in Tim’s life. I want to push back against this as part of Tim’s character arc, which was left uncompleted after the DC-wide continuity reboot, and show him settling more into an explicitly Jewish identity, especially since his father figure/mentor Bruce Wayne/Batman is canonically Jewish, although DC has ignored that ever since they accidentally canonized it.
Now, the DCU, as any comic universe is aught to be, is filled with cosmic entities and gods and monsters of all sorts. The specific one I’m thinking of here is Scott Free, or Mister Miracle, who was created by a Jewish man named Jacob Kutzberg, better known as Jack Kirby, as part of his Fourth World Saga. Scott Free, and most of the characters in the Fourth World, are referred to as “New Gods” who have taken the place of the “Old Gods” after they died. Kurtzberg never finished the Fourth World Saga, so his intentions as to what that means are unknown. Complicating things further, the Hellenic/Norse gods are very much alive and well in the DCU.
We have no futher explanation - at least, not from Kurtzberg- of what exactly it means to be a New God, and the only one who is ever shown to be worshipped is the evil Darkseid of Apokalips, who is the antagonist of the Fourth World and some would argue the entire DCU, who seeks to eradicate free will and forces his subjects to worship him as his master. As far as I know, no DC character has ever prayed to any New God.
As for Scott, he is the DCU’s greatest escape artist, bar none. His talents were honed through his many escape attempts on Apokalips, until he finally succeeded in escaping Apokalips in defiance of Darkseid’s will, choosing to run away from Apokalips rather than serve under Darkseid’s regime as a warrior. He now lives on earth with his wife and his adopted son Shilo Norman and uses his talents as an escape artist to perform for the public. He also serves as a member of the Justice League with his wife, Big Barda, also a New God and an ex-general of Darkseid’s. He and Barda are the only ones who have ever escaped Apokalips and Darkseid’s wrath.
Shilo has a point in the comics where he becomes Mister Miracle for a short time and is one of the more metaphysical takes on the Mister Miracle character. He’s the one who is mainly referred to as the Avatar of Freedom as far as I can tell, has escaped death itself and has received some sort of true sight ability from one of the other New Gods (Metron) during his time as Mister Miracle. Shilo, in addition to being Black, is shown consulting a rabbi during his time as Mister Miracle, though I don’t think they allow Shilo’s Jewishness to have any effect on the story or Shilo’s characterization.
In the original Kirby run, a lot of Scott’s escapes depend on the technology of the New Gods, which is also somewhat magical in nature. Newer interpretations of Scott emphasize the innate nature of his escape artistry, with some even having Scott able to escape death whether he wants to or not, though most of those seem to be influenced by Shilo’s run as Mister Miracle and not the other way around (given the pre-mentioned continuity reboot)
In my story, Tim goes to Scott looking for help finding Bruce because of Scott’s connection to Darkseid, who caused Bruce’s “death.” Along the way, Tim will get some training in escape artistry and combat from Scott, Barda and Shilo. There’s other complicated character stuff going on, but the important part is that Scott, Barda and Shilo are going to come to view Tim as a part of their family.
The question I have kinda depends on how Scott being a “New God” is interpreted, and on the effect his tutelage might have on Tim and Shilo as normal humans. As Shilo was shown consulting a rabbi, I think it’s safe to say he has some level of observance, even if his FOR is never made clear. Tim is a far more ambiguous matter, and Tim’s the character i’m going to be following in later stories- one of the projects I’m writing now is set after his training with Scott.
Tim’s definitely not going to recieve a direct blessing from Scott or anything like that. Specifically what I’m thinking is that when it comes to escaping, Tim’s a bit luckier than maybe he should be- a cracked link in a set of handcuffs that snap with a little pressure that don’t snap for someone else, for instance, or a guard whose eyes linger in the wrong direction just long enough for him to slip by. Little bits of accumulated luck. It’s not at all an idea I’m married to, but I thought it would be a neat detail to work in.
The TLDR is, it seems to me like there should be some metaphysical effects of being the protogee/the adopted son of a New God, depending on how you interpret the nature of a “New God” Is it possible to respectfully approach the idea of Scott and Barda being New Gods and the effect that might have on two mortal Jewish people, especially where Shilo is concerned?
Thank you all so much for your time.
Mod here
#writing#Jewish characters#writing jewish characters#opinion#advice#Judaism and polytheism#submission
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Silver Lining and A Brief Backstory
Whether you’re an optimist or not, anyone, even if only in hindsight, can see the silver lining of a bad situation, circumstance or series of events. When I was 20 years old I ended a three-year relationship with my first serious girlfriend. We had met at 17 or so and it was your classic teenage love story. We were young and foolish and led by a shared faith in evangelical Christianity that I would eventually and happily abandon. We had convinced each other and ourselves that it was ordained by god that we came together and that when the time was right we would get married. To add insult to injury we told nearly everyone we knew about our plans at all of 18 years old, so naturally the sting of embarrassment came with the sting of separation. I don’t need to, nor do I care to go into details of our breakup or what brought it about, but this tiny bit of back-story is crucial to understand the silver lining that would follow. Now that I’m saying it out loud, to call what followed a silver lining doesn’t even really cut the mustard, what followed was the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me.
It’s safe to assume that anyone reading this has been through a breakup, maybe even safe to assume a bad one or two. We all know how down in the dumps, miserable and depressed and isolated and totally alone you feel when you separate from someone you were literally saying, “I love you” to not one day ago. It’s an awful place to be, whether you’re 20 or 35 or 50 etc. it’s just plain awful. And I imagine it’s existentially worse the older you get because of the looming fear that you’ll be too old to meet someone else before the clock stops. While that may be true at 78, the irrational brain of an 18 or 20 year old will tell them the same thing. So in the wake of my adolescent breakup I drank, a lot. I took up smoking and heavy drinking and gave up on the idea of partnering with someone ever again. Some of this ridiculous thinking goes back to the Christian thing, and apologies now if you take offense so some of what I say about that faith. When you’re 20, and for the last 3-4 to years you not only thought, but believed at your bible thumping core that you were paired with someone else by gods own hand and it ends, well to put it plainly you A. start doubting that there even is a god or B. find it impossible to understand why god would start something and end it. Now in hindsight, it’s really a mixture of A and B and I also now realize that if god is real, his most famous creation to date (us) has a beginning and an ending. It’s also very easy to religiously rationalize everything to fit your made up narrative, kind of like biblically cherry picking in reverse.
I’m not going to go into my exiting the church and Christian faith altogether, that would be too far removed from the topic at hand, but I will say that when I left it, and truly let go of it mentally, it was the most calming and freeing feeling I had had at that point. All it took was squarely asking myself, practically in a mirror, “do your really believe in this, do you REALLY believe in ANY of this?” When I answered “no” I felt a combination of grief and relief; on the one hand I was letting go of what had been the norm to that point and on the other I was free from what rabbi’s refer too as “a wrestling match with god”, and that freedom felt better than any made-up wave of holy spirit baptism ever had. Bottom line, if you’re an evangelical and truly believe that you have a private, gibberish love language with god, don’t mock what the Mormons believe, it’s just as ridiculous. I knew too many Christians in those days who couldn’t see that irony. Some still can’t.
Now back to the story. There I was broken hearted and feeling like life was over at 20, it was time to grow a beard and become a wandering nomad. Maybe I’ll get a motorcycle and seek out an outlaw gang and just ride til' I die. Maybe I’ll head up the east coast and get a job on a boat out of New England. Really all of my ideas involved my look first, and occupation second. Anything involving hand tattoos and a long matted beard would’ve sufficed. But then, some time passed and I would eventually turn 21, which opened up a whole new world, the bar scene. Now, still in the throws of depression, single and not loving it, I proceeded to the bar scene with a new drinking friend named Will in the East Atlanta Village. We drank and socialized all over the village, almost every night too, to excess. We were not, living, laughing or loving as the girls touting faux happiness, post break-up say in their Facebook statuses. There was the Graveyard Tavern, a very large dive bar with something akin to a dance floor and a pool table area. Then the Glenwood that at the time had a horror/cult movie theme down to movie posters laminated under the tabletops. There was My Sisters Room and Mary’s, a lesbian bar and gay bar, separated by a side street and Grant Park Pizza. Then you came to the 5 Spot, which was a dive bar and punk music venue, then across the street from there was the Flatiron, which was the shape you’re picturing. It sat below 13 Roses Tattoo, which for that era in my opinion was the best shop in town. If you took a hard left from there you could walk up to The Earl, a dive bar with pretty damn good food and a solid standing room only music venue in back. And lastly across from there was The East Side Lounge, the perfect spot if you wanted to do cocaine while watching Predator 2 on the TV over the bar. I never did cocaine, but everyone in town knew that’s where you went to score some, or to watch Predator 2 while drinking $2 PBR on draught.
This little village was our spot for nearly a full calendar year, Will and I rarely took anyone else along, because no on else was as equally miserable as us and who needs positive company when you’re binging cheap beer pitchers and smoking a whole pack of cigarettes in one night? Now, to be clear, it was always to the two of us but we were making the attempt, occasionally, to meet women. 20 something, tattooed, smoking, drinking, most likely cocaine doing, women who were 100% not interested; we were suburb boys and you could practically smell it on us, and these were city chicks, with sleeve tattoos, hidden piercings and a palpable hate for their fathers. Maybe I’m adding that last part for effect, but you get the idea. Now that said, in that time span I did manage to meet and get to know a girl or two, I think Will did too but nothing ever really stuck.
Now I’m going to back up, but keep in mind this was all happening by night, most nights of the week, but by day I was still working at the same place I am now, didn’t love it then still not crazy about it today, but that’s a whole other topic. Some days after work, before Will and I would venture to East Atlanta I would go meet up with this piano player I had been introduced to by a former band mate who needed a guitar player capable of on-the-fly melodic riffs to accent his songs. In the band I had been in before, that was literally all I did, so we were a good fit. He would play his latest song for me a few times through headphones and then I’d start “noodling” as they say until I landed on some solid melodic hooks to overlay on what he had already recorded. We had a solid system, and he paid me in pizza and beer and we could smoke cigarettes in the studio. Just for a brief tangent, you have to smoke inside in these situations. If you and your fellow musicians are trying to accomplish something in the studio, but you’re walking outside every 20 minutes to have a dart you’ll never get anything done. So I would listen and noodle and drink and smoke and eventually eat. Once I tapped into a riff he liked we’d build on it together, shape it, shorten it, lengthen it, whatever it needed, then we’d lay it down and repeat. This was a regular thing for me a couple times a week. It went like this, get up, go to work, leave, go home grab my gear, head to the garage studio, record, smoke, eat, drink, leave, drop off the gear, grab Will, and be in the Village by 10pm or so. Then we’d stay til' last call, go home, shower, sleep, wake up, repeat. If you’re doing the math, yes I was driving most of the time, it was stupid and reckless and I’m not proud of it and it was over a decade ago lets just leave it at that and drop it. There’s no one to make amends to for anything from those days, other than a few girls that I probably drunkenly intimidated buy hitting on them too much. Anyways, this was the pattern for the better part of 20 to 21. Now, cut back to my Jesus-y girlfriend from the beginning of the story. To the best of my knowledge she was off in a new circle of friends, living and laughing and loving and meeting new people and I knew for a fact she was dating around. Through this new circle of friends she would eventually meet Kristen, and if you know me, then you know my wife’s name is Kristen, yes the very same Kristen. Kristen was 26 at the time, recently divorced from a total dipshit, we’ll leave it at that, and she too was socializing with a new circle of friends.
To help you keep up with the wild web of who begat who, at this point in time, if I hadn’t separated with my girlfriend when I did a year prior, she wouldn’t have started dating who she did and met the string of people who would eventually introduce her to Kristen, my wife today. Now, for her privacy I won’t name my high school girlfriend so for the story we’ll call her Jane. Jane and Kristen and a large circle of churchy band kids all became friends, though only briefly. Kristen being newly single was introduced to some guys via this circle and Jane specifically introduced her to guy named Steven, possibly to date, though I don’t think they ever did. That said, Kristen and Steven formed a friendship and Kristen soon after parted ways with Jane and the churchy band kids because they were all just A. a little too Jesus-y and B. more than immature to say the least. Now I was peripherally aware of a lot of this via Facebook, doing the creepy ex thing. I didn’t know Kristen, but I had seen her in some photos and she had a killer Audrey Hepburn ribcage tattoo, still does obviously.
So, Kristen and Steven are friendly and attend some of the same bars and house parties and she’s out in the world dating and doing her thing. Kristen would eventually meet Steven’s newest girlfriend, Amy. Amy and Kristen became fast friends and were practically joined at the hip. Kristen and Amy were partying, dive bar hopping, nightclub dancing best friends. Meanwhile, just to take you back to my reality at the same time, I was grumpy binge drinking with Will somewhere in the East Atlanta Village. Now, here’s where it gets fun. Amy has a brother named Chad, who at that time was in a band, Chad worked at a little café/bar with a certain piano player, yes, you guessed it, the one I was working with that year. Now through this maze of people Kristen would eventually meet the same piano player and it would be an understatment to say she was into him. One night I’m in the studio with him and we’re sort of half working, half chatting and he starts telling me about this girl he’s kind of seeing and her Audrey Hepburn tattoo. It was one of those small world funny moments, because I knew who he was talking about from my Facebook stalking, and I knew she was hot, no naturally I was envious. Some time later, he would invite me and Will and Kristen and Amy to watch a band play at the previously mentioned Earl in the East Atlanta Village, I knew it well. This is where I would meet Kristen and where our relationship would ultimately begin. I could write another 6 dozen paragraphs on our early dating relationship and how it all went and maybe I will at some point, but the point of this very long-winded essay is about the silver linings of a bad situation. Now to call this love story and how I would eventually meet my wife that I would have two beautiful and amazing daughters with a silver lining to a high school breakup would be borderline insulting. But realize, at 21, now nearly 22, I was still miserable and alone and thought I would be forever. Then along comes Kristen. Now to recap, I split with Jane, became a miserable person while Kristen was divorcing her first husband from college that she really only married to piss off her parents. Kristen would eventually meet Jane, who would introduce her to Steven, who introduced her to Amy who introduced her to the piano player, who she was infatuated with for a brief moment, who introduced her to me. We’re separated by 6 years in terms of age, come from completely different backgrounds and other than this small cluster of people, had no one in common between us. In a very long-winded, round about way, I owe my heartbreaking high school girlfriend a thank you. I had to experience a terrible breakup, the kind where you don’t ever talk again, go through a shitty, drunken, depressing year and ultimately give up on having any semblance of a happy life to meet my wife, and everything changed after that. I didn’t go to college, I had a small circle of friends and most of them avoided the city. It took this wild culmination of events and people I’ve never met to bring Kristen and I together.
You might be saying that story’s not all that compelling, things like that happen all the time, and you’re not entirely wrong, but that said, I still think there’s something special about it.
The year 2020 has shown me a lot about myself. Once quarantine started I quickly learned how unimportant clothes were. Take a moment to catch your breath. I still love tailoring and will absolutely wear dress clothes again, but when you’re staring down a pandemic, drape and tie space just become less of a concern and are quickly replaced with stocking up of frozen goods and day drinking. I’ve spent the majority of 2020 in Vans and golf polo’s, and I don’t hate it. In this time I’ve found a new passion for the game of golf, I’ve cooked new things, in the early days of lock down I got creative with my photography in ways that wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been home all day. I don’t think any of us knows when this nonsense will be over, 2020 might be entirely wrapped in Covid and it might even bleed into 2021, and by then, most of the world might’ve had it. I know that I don’t want it, and if I am to get it I hope to the god I don’t believe in that it’s mild.
When your 6 year old asks if you’re going to be alive when they’re a grown up in the middle of a pandemic it stings, because the reality is I can’t promise her I’ll be alive tomorrow, let alone 20 years from now, so I lie. And when you lie like that to a child you lie big, I tell her I’ll always be alive, that way we snuff out all worry in her little 6-year-old mind, because those wheels are constantly turning. I was burdened with the reality of death at 4 years old, seeing my 19-year-old cousin dead in a coffin after a motorcycle accident. I will shield the reality of death from my kids as long as possible. Life’s stressful enough already, no reason to start the trauma early. I blame that funeral at 4 almost entirely on my hypochondria. I’m that guy, who feels a leg pain and assumes it’s a blood clot bound for my heart. A pain or weird feeling in my side must be cancer. Naturally the rise of Covid has not been kind to this sick part of my brain. As I write I feel funny, the way you feel when you sleep too long and your limbs feel numb, I’m also hoarse from over doing it with a vaporizer recently trying to relax with a little THC. So naturally the weird feelings and throat tickle are Covid in my mind. If you don’t have anxiety, count yourself lucky.
The thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that it won’t last forever. Time literally fixes everything. It took time to get over being broken up with at 20 and even more time for the stars to align and bring Kristen and I together. It will take time for Covid to sweep the world and end and time further still for the powers that be to develop a safe vaccine. It will take time for society to feel comfortable going out mask-less again; it will take time for supermarkets to feel safe enough to take down all the plexi-glass at the checkout. It will all take time and in the end, if we’re lucky, we’ll see the silver linings that came out of it. New interests, new jobs, new relationships, etc. If I hadn’t found my passion for menswear I would not have eventually reignited my passion for photography. If the quarantine hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have done all the self-portraits I did that ultimately inspired a Hunter S. Thompson theme that lead to my newfound love and interest in golf. The new interest in golf led to new ways to spend time and bond with my in laws and my own family. It’s also the first form of physical activity I’ve done in nearly a decade; all good things.
The only thing I’ve never really been able to draw a connect-the-dots of positively around is my job. I’ve done the same thing for 13 years and I’ve never liked it. It has afforded me the opportunity to do things at times, and the schedule has always been flexible around my personally needs, but I’ve never really liked being here. As I write I’m sitting in an office that I’d rather not be in. If I were single and not a parent I would've left long ago. But the stability of this place and the paycheck keep me here. I’d much rather be taking photos for brands, submitting to publications etc. but there’s way to much financial risk in that. The time for that kind of seat-of-your-pants living is in your 20’s, when you’re a renter with no kids. If I could take photos, write, travel, golf, eat and drink for a living you‘d never hear a complaint. Kristen and I often talk about what we’d do with millions to distract ourselves from what we don’t have, and the stress of the day. She works in a very unforgiving retail environment, more unforgiving now with a pandemic on the rise again in our state. I work in print, for my father. A dying industry with a parent as my superior, what could possibly go wrong? We get along 9 days out of 10, but day 10 is always noteworthy. We bend over backwards for our customers, though I don’ think they care. We once had a 20 years long client say they were thinking about switching to another printer, just to shake things up. This after 20 years of late shifts, miracle timing and total and complete ass kissing. That day I learned, that quality service only matters to a select few, the rest just want to see the bill.
So that’s 2020 so far, new interests popping up, old interests taking a back seat, looking to the past to see the greatness that came out of dark times, hoping the future is as bright as today is, compared to the depths of despair I found myself in at 20. Still thinking there is no god but hopeful for an afterlife of some kind, wondering if there is a god why he’s letting old people who literally hang his picture in their dining rooms suffocate from a wet market virus that our leadership dubbed a hoax in the beginning…I will not go on a political tangent... By the time 2020 wraps I hope to be alive and well, I hope that everyone I know is alive and well too. I hope that Kristen finally lands herself a job in UX, she graduated from her UX academy in March and so naturally the job market has been slim pickings. Beyond that, I hope to find myself doing something other than what I do now at some point. When I dwell for too long about how many hours of my life I’ve spent folding booklets for people who are ultimately going to throw them away I feel myself reaching for the bottle. Bottom line, things aren’t great now, but I hope they get better. The funny thing about that is, according to Buddhists, it’s the act of wanting something, which causes suffering in the first place. So maybe the answer for the shit storm we’re all in today lie’s in the Buddhist teachings. I’m not about to proselytize Buddhism, but what I do know is the first truth as they call it is basically, that “suffering exists” and the second truth is that “desires and ignorance cause the suffering”. So it could be a major over simplification for our current state of affairs, but maybe if we stop wanting a better today and just accept today for what it is, we’ll all suffer a little less. Because whether we’re here for it or not, the sun will rise again and set again. The earth will turn and everything that is happening today will happen again tomorrow. Time fixes everything, and we can’t control it. So pray, meditate, work, golf or buy a motorcycle and head to the nearest New England port and join a boat crew, there’s no telling what kind of crazy we’re all going to wake up to from one day to the next, so to end on a cliché, make the most of today and try focus on the positive, maybe the stars will align and when it all shakes loose, you’ll meet your Kristen.
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Bouncing Back
We human beings are essentially adaptable creatures, but we don’t think of ourselves that way most of the time. In fact, just the opposite is how we usually see ourselves: as creatures of habit so used to our ways that it takes a seismic shift in the environment to move us into new modes of behavior or attitude. But then, when there is simply no alternative and we suddenly do have to adapt, we somehow manage it nevertheless. We all exemplified that ability in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy back in 2012, for example, when so many of us were suddenly without electric power not for minutes or hours but—for many of us—for almost two weeks. Somehow, we figured it out. We cooked on disposable hibachis in the backyard. We read by flashlight or by candlelight. We drove into Queens to retrieve our email in the first public library we passed that had wi-fi available to the public. For the first day or two, it was challenging and almost exciting to figure out how to survive. By day three, not so much. A week later, we had all had enough. But my point for today is not really how adaptive we were, but how fleeting all those changes proved to be: as soon as the power went back on, no one was interested in frying eggs in the backyard or in reading in bed at night by candlelight. It was real change, real adaptation. But it didn’t last: as soon as the power went back on, we all went immediately back to where we had been before the storm hit.
When the COVID crisis was just upon us, I imagined at first that this would be like that, that the coronavirus would be the viral version of Sandy. And, indeed, in the beginning, that was exactly how it seemed. We struggled for a while to figure out how to get things done. And then, when we really were out of eggs and toilet paper (and not in that order for most of us), we adapted because we simply had to. We figured out how make face masks out of t-shirts. We figured out how to order groceries, toiletries, and prescription drugs online. We figured out how to get our daily exercise without a gym to drive to or a public pool to swim in. Houses of worship learned how to conduct their services on zoom platforms. Teachers of all sorts, myself included, figured out how to teach on those same zoom platforms. Here and there, the cloud even showed a bit of silver lining as people conducting zoomed seder meals suddenly realized that they could invite relatives from all over the country, even from all around the world, who would otherwise never have been able even to consider coming. Instead of declining, participation in daily worship actually increased as the possibility of coming to minyan in the morning without having actually to go outside in the cold beckoned to non-regular worshipers and inspired them to embrace daily prayer in a way that they either never had or at least hadn’t for a long time. So, because we had to, we adapted quickly and—speaking of our life at Shelter Rock specifically—almost remarkably efficiently and effectively.
Will things just go back to normal when this is all over? In 2012, that’s exactly what happened when the power went back on. But I don’t see that happening this time ’round. Indeed, what I’ve been sensing just recently is that we are being altered by this experience in ways that will remain with us long after the crisis passes, and that that is going to be true in many different settings. All sorts of businesses currently conducting business from their employees’ homes will wonder why—given that they have no walk-in trade anyway—they bother paying all that rent to have a central office in the first place. Houses of worship that are attracting more, not fewer, people to worship will wonder what the benefit would be in going back to the previous mode of operation. Schools too will be prompted to wonder if their entire operations couldn’t be streamlined—and made dramatically less expensive to operate—by making off-site learning the rule rather than the exception. True, there’s no way to conduct a choir on the zoom platform. And neither would it be possible to teach lab-based science classes to people with no physical access to the kind of equipment in well-stocked labs. But listening to lectures about history or literature, or learning a language—it seems less obvious that these couldn’t be conducted with as much success via distance learning as when teacher and pupils are all in the same physical space.
At the core of the issue is not really the question of ease, however, but one of human nature. And that is my real topic for today.
Jewish tradition is crystal-clear about the need for a minyan—a prayer quorum of ten—if worship is to take place in a non-abbreviated way that reflects the sanctity of the undertaking fully and meaningfully. The reason given in classical sources for that specific number—or, for that matter, for there being a number at all—is, however, not particularly satisfying. The Mishnah offers a list of all the parts of regular worship that require a quorum of ten. The Talmud then responds by asking where that rule came from and then by offering an answer to its own question in the form of a tradition taught by Rabbi Chiyya bar Abba in the name of Rabbi Yochanan, one of the great rabbis of the talmudic era, according to whom the requirement derives from a verse from Leviticus 22 that features the statement that God, by divine nature, seeks to become sanctified amidst the people, which the rabbi took to imply that all the most sacred parts of the service—the parts that lead to the name of God formally and publicly being sanctified—may only be undertaken in the presence of a quorum, of a minyan. The Talmud finds that assertion obscure and wonders aloud how that verse can possibly lead to that conclusion. It’s an excellent question, but most moderns will find the answer somewhere between obscure and unsatisfying. The verse from Leviticus says that God will be sanctified amidst the children of Israel. And a different verse uses that same word, amidst, when—in telling the story of the desert rebellion of Korach—God is cited as telling Moses and Aaron to separate themselves from amidst the congregation of rebels so that they will not suffer their fate. And then, because the word “congregation” had been used just a few chapters earlier to refer specifically to the ten spies Moses sent out to reconnoiter the land and who later opposed Caleb and Joshua and encouraged the people to give up any hope of ever establishing themselves in the Land of Israel—that, the Talmud triumphantly concludes, is why we need ten people to constitute a minyan.
I first learned that passage of Talmud when I was a student at JTS more than forty years ago. It didn’t seem too convincing to me then. It still doesn’t. The whole notion that that kind of elaborate word play can be used to develop actual laws that affect real people in the course of their daily lives is not something I would particularly want to defend in public. Mustn’t there be some other reason for needing a physically real, extant, present community of people in the same place to worship fully and meaningfully?
The journey to spiritual fulfillment is a journey each of us takes alone. The ancient model has to do with the pilgrimage to Jerusalem that the Torah ordains be undertaken three times a year: each pilgrim is best imagined traveling as a party of one to commune with the one God, as a solo traveler making personal progress, yes, to the glimmering real city in the distance, but also to a private Jerusalem in which the two—the Israelite and the fully present God of Israel—will henceforth be able to dwell in each other’s presence even after the former returns home and resumes normal, everyday life. It is, in fact, in that specific way that the pilgrimage was deemed to be a transformational experience and not merely a task to be undertaken thrice annually.
That is not the full story, however. Each pilgrim following a private, wholly idiosyncratic path towards a personal destiny in God was also a traveler moving forward with countless others on the real road to the real Jerusalem, the actual city that in ancient times housed the actual Temple in which God was imaged to have settled the divine name and thus at least in some sense to have become approachable and knowable. And that image of people pursuing their personal redemptive moment fully alone, but also in the company of countless others attempting to do the same thing along the same path—that is the model for worship in our day that serves as the equivalent of the pilgrimages undertaken thousands of years ago to the Holy City. In my mind, in fact, it is that specific concept of being alone together that this whole zoom-worship experience has taught me to value in a way that I hadn’t really previously.
I like joining our zoom-minyan each morning and evening. (Readers who haven’t tried it out are welcome to enter through the Shelter Rock website at www.srjc.org. Morning worship is at 7:30 from Sunday through Friday; evenings are at 8 PM Sunday though Thursday.) I too like the idea of not having to go out into the cold when it’s blustery and freezing outside! But there is something about the physical presence of others traveling the same road to the same golden city wholly on their own but also in the same space I myself am occupying that I find very satisfying, and that no virtual community will ever be able wholly successfully to recreate.
In our modern world, aloneness—equated by many with loneliness—is rarely a sought-after thing. The books about aloneness that I’ve written about in this space over the years—Thoreau’s Walden; Admiral Byrd’s terrific Alone, his deeply affecting account of his time spent totally on his own in Antarctica for several months in 1934; Clark Moustakas’s many works on the topic including particularly his final work, Loneliness, Creativity, and Love—these are all about the way that image of being a lonely pilgrim on a personal journey to redemption can work in the secular context. In the spiritual one, though, the image is of a room of people together in the same space as each pursues his or her personal path forward, lonely (because the spiritual quest is by its nature a lonely one) and also not lonely (because the room is filled with friendly, encouraging faces, some of whom the worshiper has been davening with for decades). And that is why life on the zoom platform, for all it has to recommend it, will never replace a real-life minyan of people lifting their hearts in prayer to God as individuals in the company of others who, together and alone, are at the very same time also progressing towards their private Jerusalems along the dusty byways of ancient Israel…and also in the context of real life as it is lived in the bosom of a community of caring friends.
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